#eyes. like. primary school kids do that i think and it's called bullying. i don't live there so what i think doesn't really matter

[leatherbookmark]

damn it hit me BELATEDLY that san's aniteez character wasn't just going n_n in that particular shot but rather they're having him be the "oo hohoho eyes so narrow that they look closed!" character. not funny for me personally but ah well

[cinnamonest]

I do want to also continue my primary momcon storyline at one point, but with the recent delinquent/bully Ajax posts I am now contemplating modern small town au delinquent Ajax but instead of student/classmate it's momcon…

Poor single mom who is already judged and ostracized by the small town community for being a single mom who had her baby way too young, unmarried, and with a deadbeat at that, made so much worse by the fact that your precious baby boy is a notorious problem child, treated as a menace and threat to the entire town. Hearing people mutter about how that's what happens when some girl that can't keep her legs shut has a kid with no father, how the whole household is messed up in the head, how his lack of inhibition must be hereditary.

Everyone knows him, and by extension, everyone knows you. Who you are, what your marital status is, the fact that you’re the mother of the town menace. You were hoping to live quietly, avoiding negative judgement as much as possible, but unfortunately, that proves not doable when your son is constantly drawing attention to himself in the worst of ways.

You’re always profusely apologizing whenever you get called to the school, bowing your head and squeezing your eyes shut as you promise for the umpteenth time that you'll talk with him and that it won't happen again, unable to look the faculty in the eye, knowing from experience how much their disdainful, judgmental glares hurt. Knowing what they're thinking in their heads even if they don't say it out loud, what they probably say to each other once you leave. How it's your fault, how you have no control over your child.

Or that one line that still hurts you to think about, that time you overheard two other moms with kids on the playground mutter about how they do this or that with their children, or how they would never have a kid without a present father — or else they turn out like that kid…

You were told that once before to your face, back when he was little — that you needed to hurry up and find a step father for him, or else he'll become a bad kid — because he's a boy and everyone knows boys don't obey their mothers the way they do fathers, you know? Sure they love them and all, but once he gets older he's going to start seeing you as small and weak, socialized by other boys and culture into feeling superior to you, and everyone knows that turns into blatant disregard for your authority.

But it's because of him that you can't — you tried, but he always drove away every man you dated, always reacted very badly whenever you got a new boyfriend, being mean and hitting and kicking and setting up cruel pranks and making the man miserable until he told you he couldn't do it anymore and left you alone again. Eventually it gets to be too much for you to handle, and you resign yourself to give up for now, maybe try again when he’s older and mature enough to have a serious discussion on the matter.

Or maybe wait until he’s grown and moved out — if that ever happens, seeing as when you bring up the future, he insists that he’ll stay here and take care of you, says I could never go off somewhere and leave you here by yourself, Mama.

Regardless, you do try and work with him, get him to behave better, but you just can’t. It’s incredibly frustrating. Everything you say goes in one ear, out the other (maybe those people had a point when they said he wouldn't respect your authority). You fuss at him as you wrap the little band-aids all over each of his fingers where they’re scraped up from the fight of the day, but he just smiles, seems to not really be paying any attention, just happy to have your attention and see you worrying over him.

He always dismisses you with ease, promising you he’ll do better and won’t beat anyone up again, but you can very easily tell he doesn’t really mean it at all. And his actions follow suit — you often get a phone call from the school the very next day.

He doesn't really have friends anyway, your attempts to get him to socialize with other kids always ended up leading to fights instead. But that's okay, he doesn't need friends, he says, he has his Mama.

You do feel like it's your fault. Why did he become so violent? Surely you did something wrong. But at the same time, you don't feel like you did anything bad to him, because if nothing else, Ajax is ferociously defensive of you.

You lose count of how many times, after being called in about yet another fight, your son proudly tells you he was defending your honor — yes, he may have cracked that boy's skull open against the brick wall of the building, but he only did it because that bastard had the nerve to call his Mama a whore, so he deserved to have his face disfigured like that. Yes, he may have put three kids in the hospital, but only because they were doing the thing teen boys do where they joke about fucking someone's mom, and he couldn't stand for that, he had to teach them a lesson so they think twice before doing that again. And it's true that one time he did stab someone, he'll confess to that, but it was because that guy spread rumors that his Mama was hooking to make money, and he couldn't stand for that.

This becomes a very well-known thing with him, which creates a bit of a conundrum — on one hand, most people learn to shut up about you if there's even a possibility he's within earshot. However, some of the other rowdy, bully-type boys know that talking about Mama is like his berserk-button, a guaranteed way to get a reaction out of him, so they go out of their way to set him off, believing they can just run away before he can get to them. Usually they stop once they get proven wrong about being able to run and get beaten up badly enough, but there's always some kid dumb enough to try, thus the violence is endless.

Not to mention those cases are worse. Normal fights get a visit to the nurse, but if the motive involves you, he's far more violent. The thankfully few, but nonetheless increasing number of times you had to pick him up from jail were almost all related to those fights in particular, that got so out of hand they warranted a teacher or bystander calling for help. Not to mention he's not at all hesitant to hunt offenders down in town to hurt them, away from the school authorities (who are always keeping an eye on him), so he'll get more punches in before a townsperson notices and calls for help.

And much like the school faculty, the law enforcement always gives you these awful, hurtful looks of disdain, a condescending tone in their voices when they ask if you're here to get your kid again and sighing when you nod your head. A few have the nerve to tell you that you really need to do something or else it's only a matter of time before he does something you can't just bail him out of.

And he's always so cheerful when you do come get him. A bit sheepish, apologizes for the inconvenience of you having to drive out here to come get him (not for the act that got him put there in the first place), but otherwise very smiley and touchy and grateful.

Very, very touchy. He's always been like that. He was a cuddly kid, always lifting his arms up in a gesture to be picked up, always clinging to your sleeves. He never went through that phase most boys go through, where they think they're too old to be spending time with their Mom or get embarrassed by affection and push her away or distance themselves from her. You were always grateful for that, it was heartwarming that he always seemed to be proud of you and happy to be seen with you.

But he does get very, very touchy. Always wrapping his arms around you. When you come to school events, visiting distant relatives (who all dislike him, but stopped bringing it up when you got defensive), even when you go grocery shopping (he always comes along, insistent on helping you), he's always coming up behind you, resting his head on your shoulder and keeping his arms looped around you from behind. And sure, he's never stopped kissing you on the mouth and not your forehead or something, but that's normal for some families, right? And it's only for a second, so it's not weird.

People do notice. You see the furrowed eyebrows and wrinkles noses and perplexed expressions, people leaning over to whisper something in another’s ear.

But at the same time, how could you ever bring something like that up? How could you possibly be mad at him for showing you affection? It's not as if you don't like it, it's just somewhat inappropriate in public… but it would surely hurt his feelings if you told him not to, so you say nothing.

You’re so, so grateful for him. He’s always there for you, always so loving, and has never even complained about having to go without a lot of things other people have.

And because he sees you struggling so much financially, by the time he’s a teenager he gets that itch where he feels like he has to prove himself, because how can he just sit back and let his Mama provide for everything, when he’s technically The Man of the household?

So soon enough he’s telling you — rather, insisting, no matter what you say — that he wants to help you pay for expenses.

It’s not consistently timed, but every now and then, he sometimes comes home to pull wads of cash out of his pockets, handed over to you with a sweet smile… and where did he get that money? Don’t worry about it, is all he’ll willingly say.

You know there’s no way anyone in this small little town would willingly hire him, since everyone knows who he is, and he’s coming back around the same time as he normally would… except sometimes he goes out in the evenings every now and then for just a few hours, when he never did that before, and takes his bag with him for some reason, and you know now that you think about it you recall the local news talking about a string of break-in thefts and increase in drug usage and — no, no, you know what? You decide to not think about it. Your mind has had as much as you can handle and you decide to tell yourself your beloved baby boy has some lucrative job he just never talks about for some reason or another. If you can convince yourself of that, well, that’s the first step to blissful ignorance, so you just cup his face in your hands and kiss his sweet face and tell him you’re so thankful and how much you love him and feel your heart melt when he looks so happy and proud of himself for you saying so.

But because he’s at least starting to show some self-awareness, understanding money issues and such, you figure this is a good time to get him invested in his own future.

You’re also a little worried about said future, given that the prospects for partnership in such a rural place are already sparse. Since everyone knows him, people guard their daughters and watch him like a hawk, tell them to stay the hell away from that boy, and they do listen, keep their distance. This troubles you, you bring it up to him — if you get a bad reputation, you’ll scare all the girls away! — and for once, he actually has some reaction.

But you’re not scared of me, are you?

Of course, you coo and fuss and say of course not — he's your baby, even if he hurts others, he's always so soft and sweet to you — and that seems to make him content, and anything you say about future prospects thereafter goes ignored.

Well, he ignores anything about prospects for him, at least. It's a different story when it comes to you.

Because the subject does come up once again. If you can just get a wealthy man, you say one day, you can easily make life so much easier for the both of you. You could get him a good education without debt, really set him up to have a bright future.

But the moment you mention it, his expression contorts with some amalgamation of shock, disgust, outrage, concern. He shakes his head and grabs you so firmly by your shoulders and says you can't be serious.

He'll be fine without college. No other man is going to appreciate you like he does. Love you like he does. No way can he let some guy just come in and invade the space you two have always shared. It would feel wrong, it would feel so foreign to him to have someone else living here when it's always been just you two. Besides, so many men would just use you, hurt you, leave you, he doesn't want to see you get hurt — and he'd never hurt you.

He's insistent, actually, on not going off to study. He wants to stay home, he says. He can't just leave you all alone! You'll be so lonely and you might replace him with another man— ah, you might get a boyfriend, and he couldn't be there to keep the guy in line.

And if some other man hurt you— well, he would do something really really bad, something that would get him locked up for a long time.

You don't want that, do you?

Because then, if some guy dumps you — which would inevitably happen, that's just how guys are, they'd use you and leave once they got bored or decided to replace you.

Like Dad, he says.

And sure enough, you tense up — he knows exactly what to say to make his words sting, he knows how much it hurts you, knows it's digging up pain you've tried to bury. You want to think he wouldn't do that on purpose. He's just distressed and the words came out without thinking.

But that pain is the hook to get you to listen. Because, he says, then if he goes away too, you'll be all alone without him. You'll have no one, and everyone in town already judges you, how would you ever survive without him? You need him, don't you? Could you really deal with the guilt of knowing it's your fault he would be locked up?

You try to reason with him, and his grip on your shoulders grows so tight it hurts.

For the first time, you feel a little scared of him, as he looks down at you — when did your baby boy get so much taller than you? — with a dark look in his eyes.

You find yourself shrinking back. Stammering out a soft little okay, nodding your head, saying you understand. You can feel your heartbeat in your throat.

And with that, he's immediately back to normal, smiley and happy and relieved you understand. He just doesn't want you to get hurt, is all. Because he loves you. You know that, right?

As long as you stay with him and him alone, he won't have any reason to really hurt someone. So, you know, his future hinges on your decisions, because he just can't help himself when it comes to defending you.

But that’s unlikely to happen on its own (everyone avoids you because of him and all), which is why you'd have to deliberately choose to pursue another man, which would make what happens your fault. He'll chase off any guys that get too close on their own.

Just don't put him in a position where he's forced to kill someone, and everything will be fine. You'll always have him, after all.

[thehollowwriter]

Summary: Finn is strongly against Azul destroying his childhood pictures. This causes a fight.

Warnings: Fatphobia, bullying,

Word count: 1883

(Pls reblog and leave a comment ❤️)

Ashes

Azul Ashengrotto. Finn knew who he was. The smartest kid in their class. The chubby octopus with sharp eyes and a pair of eels following him everywhere. He was a granter of wishes, a skilled mage, and... very pretty, if you asked Finn. (Nobody ever did.)

Azul was someone Finn never felt the confidence to approach. All he could do was peek around the corner and stare at him for a little while, then swim off before Azul could look his way.

Was it the twins? No, Finn wasn't scared of them. He had met them a few times at their birthday parties, but it seems the rumours surrounding them were far grander than the real thing.

Was it the idea of being bullied for being friends with Azul? Of course not. Everyone avoided Finn as much as possible, even the school bullies.

Perhaps Finn felt... shy. Which was odd. He didn't think of himself as shy. He was quite confident, in fact. But with Azul... he seemed to become a little pup.

They barely interacted during class. They were total strangers. School acquaintances, if you wanted to be generous. Their conversations consisted of mere pleasantries, or Azul desperately trying to get rid of his "debt" with Finn.

The only time Finn ever interacted with Azul was when he chased off Azul's bullies, snarling and biting at them until their blood leaked into the water.

"What do you want?" Azul would ask, suspicious and almost upset. "A prettier tail? A singing voice? I will not be indebted to-"

And Finn was swimming off before he could finish. Papa would never let him make contracts with Azul anyway.

Then... there was one little conversation. One that broke the usual routine.

***

"Finn, Azul, you two next to each other on the left, please."

It seemed the complaints from other students about the creepy shark and the octopus prone to inking gradually whittled away their primary school teacher's resolve. Finn obeyed her nonetheless and awkwardly shuffled to float next to Azul in the back row.

The camera was poised perfectly, ready to photograph them and make a permanent memory of this museum visit. However, Finn wasn't too focused on that.

The students around him shuddered and whined, sniffling and muttering complaints to each other about sitting next to him.

"Why do I have to sit by him? He's creepy." Said one.

"He's scary." Said another.

"Azul and Finn sitting together. Guess they had to lump the fat uglies somewhere." Said somebody else.

"His dad's from the- the abyss. You don't think he's gonna try to eat us, do you?"

"Only if you become friends with him. If you do that, he'll lure you to his house, and his dad will butcher you. That's what my sister told me."

Finn ignored them. He was well practised in doing that by now. Instead, his attention was focused entirely on Azul.

Azul was clearly uncomfortable. He fidgeted and coiled his tentacles in discomfort, glancing between his hands and the camera nervously, brows furrowed.

"What are you looking at?" Azul finally asked, turning his head to look at Finn with a glare. He wavered a little when Finn looked back, but the stern look remained.

"Nothing." Finn muttered, an embarrassed flush rising to his cheeks. "You just look uncomfortable."

"I don't like cameras." Azul snapped defensively.

Finn blinked at him and nodded slowly. "I don't like cameras either." He said softly. "It's okay. I just stare at something behind them and pretend they're not there."

Well. Whenever he was actually wanted in a group picture. He didn't say that part out loud, though.

"Hmm." Azul looked at the camera and tilted his head at the painting of the Sea Witch behind it. "I see."

"No more chatting, now!" Their teacher called. "Everybody smile and say 'seashells'!"

Finn fixed a smile to his face, making sure to press his lips together to hide hide his teeth, just as his teacher told him to, and stared past the camera.

He tried his hardest to ignore the five silhouettes reflected in the large lens.

"Thank you." Azul muttered to Finn when they were finally allowed to let their smiles drop. "I'll pay you back for your advice."

Finn nodded his head, and then Azul was wandering off to the other side of the room, far away from the other children crowding to look at the photo.

Finn waited until they dispersed to look, smiling a little when he found Azul's face amongst the crowd. There was a genuine smile on Azul's face. A smile of admiration and of longing as he gazed at the Sea Witch's likeness.

He looked so cute. Finn was glad he could finally talk to, even for a little, the cool, smart kid in his class.

This opinion was rather unpopular, but his classmates were idiots (or "snivelling brats" as his Papa had once put it) anyways, so what they had to say was worthless.

If only Azul thought the same.

Finn could never call himself a friend of Azul during their younger years. Even as his little crush faded, Finn's admiration for him held strong, and their interactions remained distant.

Finn watched from afar as Azul rapidly lost weight and made more deals, becoming more powerful and less squishy as time wore on. By the time they met "officially" at their land boot camp, he was a completely different person, at least on the surface.

During their months in close contact, Finn got to see the cracks in Azul's newly created facade, and Azul got to adjust to the awful feeling of dread in his presence.

They became friends then, yes. They never said it out loud, but they never needed to. Those twins, Jade and Floyd, grew close to Finn as well.

By the time their camp came to an end, Finn was head over tail for all three of them, and by the end of their first year at Night Raven College, they were dating.

Finn loved them dearly. He loved them with all his heart and soul. But it seemed there was a cost to everything, and as much as Finn felt honoured to see his partners without those practised facades, the cost for such a thing was, well, seeing Azul at his most raw and hurting. When Azul was at his most vicious.

The sight of the photos curling in on themselves and crumbling to ash, succumbing to the licking flames of magical fire, made Finn's stomach churn and a lump form in his throat.

"Azul," He whispered, staring at the remnants of a picture of a tiny, smiling Azul being held up by his mother. "Azul, stop. You can't do this."

Azul's face, twisted in an almost animalistic expression of burning hatred, morphed into an annoyed look.

"Are you still going on about this? I told you already. Some... someone found one of these. I cannot keep up the image of Azul Ashengrotto if these are floating around for anyone to find. The evidence of the stupid, ugly octopus who could do nothing but cry and expel ink."

Finn had to take in a breath to stop himself from shutting Azul down in his usual blunt, seemingly emotionless manner. He couldn't do that now. Not while Azul was in this state.

"You were never ugly." He said softly."Our classmates were mean little brats. They-"

"But they weren't wrong." Azul insisted. "I was fat. I was a whiny, snotty crybaby. But I've changed. I'm better now. More powerful, more attractive, and far more accomplished than any of them would ever be. But if I leave a single trace of my old self for someone to find or... or for me to look at, this will all come crumbling down."

Finn's hand subconsciously went to his stomach, and he frowned. "There's nothing wrong with being fat. Or crying. You weren't ugly. You were cute. Pretty."

Azul scoffed. "Pretending you think that now won't do you any good."

"I always thought that!" Finn snapped, raising his voice. He swallowed and tried to calm himself. "Please, Azul. Don't burn precious memories or try to taint my own. I never once thought you were ugly. I admired you. I wanted to be your friend."

"Then you were a fool." Azul's voice was low, and his eyes were dark. "You don't understand. This human form is my new beginning. Nobody at this school knows about my octopus self."

"Your true self." Finn corrected, pinching the bridge of his nose with a sigh. "You're not listening to me. You're efficient and powerful. And, even if it's not something entirely useful, your tentacles, that grip of yours, it- It makes makes me feel safe. Those teeth of yours, they amaze me. Those ever changing colours enchant me."

"That sort of think doesn't matter." Azul snapped, his eyebrow twitching in irritation.

"It matters to me!" Finn's voice rose once again, and it stayed that way. "I love you. I love this human form you walk around in, and I love the real you. The chubby octopus from the Coral Sea. Maybe others don't like that version of you, but I do. The twins do."

"Just your approval isn't good enough." Azul hissed.

Finn's eyes widened. A heavy silence settled over the room. The atmosphere was thick enough to cut with a knife.

Finn opened his mouth and then clicked it shut. He gazed at Azul for a while, and to Azul, the full weight of his amthyst eyes was like an anchor had been dropped on him.

"Do you really think being fat makes you ugly?" Finn asked after a long while. His voice was so quiet, Azul almost didn't hear him, and he sounded tired and sad.

"I-" Azul hesitated.

Finn closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath. "I see. Well, I'll... I'll be going now. You-" Don't be petty. Don't be petty, now, just leave, don't say- "You can cancel our trip to town tomorrow. It seems an appointment with Vil-senpai has unexpectedly filled my schedule."

Too late.

Finn turned on his heel and began walking towards the door, blinking back tears of hurt.

"Finn, wait." Azul finally broke his own stunned silence and stood to follow after Finn. "Finn, I-"

The stupid, pretty side of Finn would not hear another word. The door was shut in Azul's face, and he continued down the hallway with a pace as quick as he could manage.

His hands, curled tightly in a mixture of various emotions, were shoved roughly into his pockets.

When he was far enough away from Azul, he leaned against the glass tunnel wall and took in another shaky breath.

Finn felt around inside his left pocket, sighing in a mix of sadness and relief when his fingers brushed against the paper inside.

Photocopies of Azul's pictures remained safe and hidden in his grasp, far away from Azul's eyes.

Perhaps when Azul was older and wanted to look back on his youth, only to find nothing but smouldering ash, Finn would hand them over. For a price.

For now, though, he'll keep the pictures safe from Azul's self-destructive hatred. And perhaps, keep his own heart safe, too.

-End

...........................................

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed! I'm not good at writing arguments, so this is my way of practising. I hope it turned out alright.

Tagging: @distant-velleity @krenenbaker @kitwasnothere @officialdaydreamer00 @the-banana-0verlord @oya-oya-okay @cynthinesia @cyanide-latte @boopshoops @thegoldencontracts @1dont-really-know @amOnline @whspermy-name @theleechyskrunkly @br3adtoasty @elenauaurs @jovieinramshackle @galaxies-and-gore @ramshacklerumble @skrimpyskimpy @rizdoodls @quartztwst (if you don't mind being tagged)@casp1an-sea @offorestsongs

@poisoned-pearls

[dearinglovebot]

oml hi! what are your headcanons for claire and owen when they were at school? here are some of mine:

claire would defnitely be on good tersm with everyone, i feel like she'd be popular in the way that she knew everyone

but she's classify everyone as aquaintences though and call it 'networking'

would be super annoyed by everyone in her class constantly talking abt marriage and kids like thats the only option for her (alas i wish she was in my class i'd have someone to survive those trenches with 😔)

straight A+ student ofc

owen wouldn't really care for school i think

he'd get like alright grades

he'd be like 55% class clown if that makes sense?

super good at PE tho like he'd be the Pe Kid (TM)

i think he had a pet dog or cat (or both?) but they died

i kinda hc that his parents were pretty shitty. idk why but i do. (shhh let me project)

constantly getting into fights with vic hoskins but everyone agrees vic is annoying as HELL so eh he gets a pass socially-speaking

also:

in dodgeball the teachers always put claire and owen on the same team bc the two of them against each other means the match lasts FOREVER and if it does end it's a tie followed by an argument of who won that lasts for two weeks. like claire vs owen in dodgeball would be legendary. and like +340% hype bc everyone's 10 and dodgeball matches are IT when ur ten (can u tell i miss primary school dodgeball 😔)

hello anonnie! brace yourself cause this is a level 5 yapnado

I don’t agree with EoC a lot (...most things) but it hits my high school headcanons very well. that is to say, she is weird and off-putting to the general public. particularly sheltered midwestern kids who absolutely will be raised on the housewife/breadwinner-husband cool-aid in the 90s. they’re all obsessed with settling down with kids in the same town they were raised in while she’s trying to escape to a big city and get a master's degree. they’re doing the 90s equivalent of calling her woke blue hair liberal with pronouns. not outright bullying her but like... side-eyeing her. she's not really being invited to parties. which is fine! (it is not fine. she is lonely).

she has sooooo many autistic traits that i do just consider it part of my personal canon and that will NOT help her. her hyperfixation is going to college and she stims by doing homework (exaggerating. but only partially). i love my queen dearly but she does not have cool autism that makes you do cool art installations. she has collecting alaskan postage stamps from the 1800s type autism. she is a loser that few will truly appreciate <33 like fine wine

claire being from no-where wisconsin in the 80s-90s is sooo vital to understanding why she is #likethat. small town midwest is basically the deep south politically except in the south people will straight up say "women belong in the kitchen" and in the north they'll go "oh. you want a degree? how quaint [condescending tone]". she's used to everything being a backhanded compliment and proving that she deserves what she has. it makes her super defensive and lean towards interpreting things as malicious even when they're not. which is why, on the island, people don't really like her. she's the mean boss lady who won't even do small talk with her peasants

she absolutely is a straight A student. that is PRESIDENT of the debate club to you. she's a teacher's pet who Will do the extra credit work every time and has perfectly chosen her extra curriculars based on what will look best on her college application.

i also think she'd start working about as soon as she legally could. not only is that the smart financial move (start saving as soon as possible) but it looks amazing on college applications too. she is absolutely maximizing what she is able to accomplish in a day

overall, it really isn't an experience she thinks of fondly. she spends most of her teenhood devoted to trying to escape the poor, rural lifestyle she was born into. it's another stepping stone in her 10 stage plan to conquer a small nation. and she wouldn't regret any of it until her life inevitably comes crashing down (indominus incident) because only then does she realize she's been chasing material wealth instead of internal happiness for her entire life

owen has none of the crazy ambition claire does bc he's normal. he would take it one day at a time with vague goals of where he wants to end up. as long as he does the bare minimum of passing the class then he's doing pretty good. best subject science, worst subject literature

owen is from the 80-90s deep south which also heavily influences how i view his characterization. as a funny guy who enjoys very traditionally masculine things like construction and sports, he's going to be very well liked. everyone likes someone who makes you laugh. but overall it's pretty surface level. nobody asks about his day. he's gonna be like "damn is this really all i am to them??". but it's not like he can say that cause then he's being weird and emotional (toxic masculinity culture). so whatever. he keeps balling. (represses vulnerability and compensates by going even harder into funny sport guy routine)

so really he's the guy everyone "knows" but they're gonna lose contact the moment he leaves town. which is whatever. he has his wholeeeee life ahead of him to make some #real friends (his only long term friends include barry, the raptors, and sometimes claire)

he has proven time and time again he has no problem speaking his mind so yeah he's punching every hoskins that comes along and getting a few days suspension over it. he would not gaf tho bc his internal sense of justice is stronger than any school related punishment

he's the kind of kid who mows the lawn for your mom for pocket change and volunteers at the animal shelter

not the worst but yeah he's not that interested in reliving that

not including much about their individual family dynamics because thats an entirely different yap session

also:

in a hypothetical au where they're in the same high school, i believe it would go like this: claire is brilliant and smart in every class they share meaning he's enamored with her big words, she thinks all sports guys are meathead jocks and actively avoids them, she tutors for extra cash after school and he's on the verge of failing lit, she takes him on as a client and he's like wowza the whole time, she's like can you focus on the themes of shakespeare already and stop looking into my eyes longingly every few minutes i'm starting to think you aren't even interested in the deeper meanings of the rivalry between the veronas and capulets (she isn't picking up on a single hint), and now he is actively pretending like he doesn't understand any of the assignments to "get her guidance" on them (she still doesn't get the hint and is wondering if he got a concussion at some point)

[tinygameralec]

So let me tell you a little story about one of my primary school teachers and how he almost got me fucking murdered when I was a child.

Little me didn't know they were aro-ace or transmasc, little me thought they were a girl because the option to be anything else wasn't even mentioned in public back then, let alone in front of kids. So it's Grade 4, I think I'm a girl, and I find out that year that girls are allowed to play football in winter sport season. I'm not talking American football or soccer here either, I'm talking full on Aussie Rules but the players are children and therefore even more feral and terrifying than the professionals.

The teacher in charge of the football team, we will call him Fever because it's close enough to his name and if anyone recognises him, tough shit, he was an absolute see you next tuesday and I'd love to talk to you if you remember him and compare complaints and remember when the playground had actual grass. Fever hated girls. He was notorious for it. Parents were constantly complaining but the board and the principal were all men and didn't see a problem, because old white cishet men in the 90s were just the worst.

Fever drove off the other girls before the first match of the season through a combination of bullying and 'encouragement' to join a more 'appropriate' sport, but couldn't get rid of me. I fucking loved football and I went in like the little feral goblin child I was. So he decided to get evil.

He held all the team meetings, debriefings, whatever, in the boy's changeroom. He told everyone that since I was so desperate to play a boy's sport, I must think I was a boy, so it didn't matter if I went in there. After all, if I thought I was a boy, then there shouldn't be a problem, should there?

The first day we met in there it was fine, the boys thought he was being a weirdo, and some of them had tangled with me in the past and figured it was better to have me on their side pointed at the opposition. But obviously some of them talked to their parents about it, because pretty soon I was being called 'tranny' and 'freak' all over the place. Still okay, fucking annoying but I was undiagnosed autistic in the 1990s with a Doctor Who obsession, a talent for the written word, and zero filters. I'd had worse.

No, where it went bad was a few weeks into the season when games were actually being played and parents were coming to matches. Because some fucking ape of a man - he probably was perfectly normal looking but I was a child and he was bellowing like you see apes do on David Attenborough - cornered me on my way to the changeroom for halftime and started swinging.

I don't have much memory of what happened during the actual attack, only the aftermath when I had a black eye, a sprained wrist, and the taste of blood in my mouth and had to go to hospital to make sure I didn't have a concussion. One of the few kids at that school who I actually got on with told me the next day that I'd gone absolutely fucking insane when he punched me and they'd had to get two other men to haul me off because I chomped on and refused to let go somewhere in the middle of it.

If I wasn't a feral bastard of a kid, that man probably would've killed me. Just because a teacher said something shitty (if admittedly true thirty-odd years down the line) about me to kids and those kids talked to their parents.

Don't you ever fucking tell me that 'trans men have it easy' because part of me is still a feral little goblin child but now has access to adult language.

“trans men don’t have any real safety concerns to worry about” i can’t wear a mask when i go into public bathrooms even though i’m higher risk and bathrooms are some of the easiest places to get sick because i don’t reliably pass when my facial hair is covered and i can’t risk not passing when i use the men’s room, but i also can’t just use the women’s room for safety anymore because i don’t reliably pass as either binary gender anymore. so my only options are to risk getting sick, take my chances with the consequences of not passing, or just never use the bathroom in public (which has its own health risks).

and today, it almost didn’t even matter that i was putting myself in danger to ensure that i passed because, thanks to a faulty lock and a man who didn’t think to knock, i came very close to having my half-naked body exposed to a bathroom full of cis men. if i hadn’t been holding my coat on my lap because there was nowhere in the stall to put it, every single guy waiting in the (very crowded) bathroom would’ve seen that i didn’t have a dick. how well do you think that would’ve gone for me? my money’s on Not Well At All.

[cassiesboy]

well now i need to know your transnatural sam headcanons ever since that ficlet made me cry

OH BOY OK.

honestly i don't have super fleshed out headcanons, idek that i'd call it a headcanon i just think sam is genderweird all the time. like consciously i know it's not canonically written into the show which makes this a headcanon but look at him

THAT BEING SAID... (extremely longwinded below cut)

i think sam's was always sort of gender non-conforming when he was little, not really on purpose or even realizing it, it just sort of was how he was. he liked poetry. he liked keeping his hair long. he hated haircutting day and he'd always look for excuses to draw it out or ways to make his long hair less noticeable... he'd tuck it under hats and hope john didn't notice long enough to do anything about it. it never worked too long, so he tried to savor it. on bus rides to and from school, he would pull locks of it out from under the hat and braid them, staring out the window.

at the same he liked rough-housing with his brother. he kinda liked when he'd scrape his knee doing something and the red of it would stay there for a while, then go purple, then yellow. the pain he could do without, but he studied the changing colors with fascination.

being as they were constantly on the move and doing physically intensive things, sam didn't really have the luxury to worry about his clothes very often. he just wore whatever hand-me-downs dean grew out of, occasionally supplemented with some shirt or jacket john grabbed him at a gas station.

sometimes, when they stayed in one area long enough, sam would search out local thrift stores, and he'd walk around in them, transfixed by all the options. five dollars in his pocket, tall and meek, he couldn't find the bravery to put the buttery soft dress he liked on the counter, but he stood there staring at it for a while anyway, staring at the silky maroon shimmer of the fabric, thinking it was probably the kind of thing girls wore to the dances he'd never get to go to. things as they were, he got himself a bunch of baggy shirts for bands he didn't care about, slipped gold jewelry into the pockets of his jeans. the tens and tens of racks of clothing, arms heavy with hangers, towered over and around him like many evergreen trees in a forest, surrounding and disguising him. when he left, he took the jewelry out of his pocket and inspected it. gold hoops with little dangling gems. he didn't know who he'd lifted them for. his ears weren't even pierced. tucking them away again, he wrapped a thin gold chain around his neck.

bullies always seemed to notice what sammy was before he even began to think of it. it was at times like those that sam was glad for all the wrestling him and dean did when he was little. defending himself came naturally. but just as easily came finding the people he wouldn't have to defend himself against. when he was older, he thought about them a lot -- the kids he met in primary school that caught his eye, that asked to braid his hair, that sat beside him at recess and produced crowns out of the weeds. they had soft hands and guarded eyes. sammy's hands already had calluses.

i think stanford was probably a really healing time for sam. he was probably pretty flighty at first, worried that people would get on him for not doing masculinity right. that's what that moment in the ficlet is about -- jess comments on his hair and sam immediately defaults to the thing john would've wanted to hear, scared that his misstep would result in ridicule. but people there liked it!!! my mutual killi (@ophanims) has joked that like. sam would take a gender studies course and then immediately start painting his nails but like THAT'S LITERALLY IT!!! sam would realize he has a pocket of acceptance here and revel in it... he'd pierce his ears and find those earrings he lifted years ago and try them on in the mirror... he'd go to open mic nights and listen to people's poetry... he'd grow his hair out and let his girlfriend style it for him...

jess would sometimes buy shirts baggy on purpose so they'd be big enough for sam to wear them too... at some point he's getting dressed and puts on one of jess's shirts and it hangs low and loose on his waist and he thinks about that dress from the thrift store again and suddenly has a flash of himself in the mirror, in that dress, jess at his arm, earrings shining in his ears... he asks jess a few days later (terrified) (hopeful) (soft) (vulnerable) if she'd do a little makeup on him and she smiles and a few hours later he's got this subtle little cateye and white on his waterline and he just can't stop looking at it!!!

this turned into wavering between headcanon and drabble a lot here but i guess what i'm saying is i think sam was always the kind of kid that just couldn't fit into masculinity even when he tried it. projecting a little here but to explain what i mean, when i was little i really really tried to do femininity a lot. there was a phase in middle school where i wore dresses and heels to class every day, and they were these little yellow heels and they were too big on me but i loved how loud they were. these days i get that with workboots. but i think sam was the same sort of way. he tried to do masculinity and the trappings of it were always too large or too small for him, and he slipped or burst out of them every time, and it led to ridicule. and so i think on some level he always KNEW he was wrong, he always KNEW he coveted the wrong things, he always KNEW the earrings were for him, but he knew just as well not to know that or else it would become unbearable. and. so. and so. well yea.

to conclude:

[h2bakugou]

If possible, could I get some headcanons of Bakugou, Kirishima, Tokoyami, and/or Shoji where the reader has fangs or shark teeth (Kiri and reader be twining) that they are insecure about because they got bullied as a kid and called mean names because the other kids thought they made reader look scary. So they always cover their mouth with a mask or a scarf all the time. So when they first see their teeth whether it be on purpose or on accident, reader basically explains to them the insecurity and then they just get smothered in compliments, love, and affection. [Sorry if it's a bit long or hard to understand. I just really love this kind of scenario of someone being insecure about something and once someone finds out about it they get the opposite reaction than they expected. It's just so fluffin sweet. My heart can't take it 🥺❤💕💞💖💗❣💘💝]

a/n: of course!! i don't usually write for shoji but i figured i could add him for these hc's!! this is really cute and sweet bro omg

headcanon: them with a s/o who has sharp teeth

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: fluff, swearing

;cut for length;

»»————-　★　————-««

katsuki bakugou

»»————-　★　————-««

Your insecurity about your teeth began back in primary school. 

You’d been called scary more times than you could count back then.

So now you opted to wear a mask on most occasion and considered/did incorporate one into your hero costume.

Of course being in a relationship with Bakugou was nice, but you still felt insecure about something that seemed so small compared to other things, but to you, you couldn’t really look at your teeth without being reminded that at one point when you were little, other kids your age thought they were scary.

Your pointy teeth scared off toddlers when you could barely say your abc’s. 

But you were reaching a point in your relationship where kissing had become a big thing.

Your friends asked if you’d kissed yet, and even Bakugou seemed to be talking about it a little.

It wasn’t until you were cuddling in his dorm when he leaned in to try and do it and you swatted him away, covering your mouth.

“Oi! Let me kiss you!” He groaned, pink staining his cheeks.

“You can’t!” You never moved your hand.

“I don’t care about your breath or if you can’t kiss for shit dumbass.” Bakugou retorted, staring at you. You shook your head.

“It’s not that...” You mumbled, staring at him with fear.

“Then what is it? Do you not want to kiss me?” He asked, easing up on you. You shook your head.

“No, no I want to. I really do-”

“Then do it. I’m not worried about you being bad at it, I’m not that immature.” Bakugou sighed.

You didn’t budge, running your tongue along your teeth inside your mouth, you felt like you were going to hurt him if he tried to slip you tongue or something.

“Dumbass, move your hand-”

“Wait!”

It was too late, Bakugou had gotten a full peek at your chompers. He stared at you before grinning.

“That’s cute.” He mumbled, gripping your chin, pulling your face toward his.

“W-what?” You responded, flustered by his comment.

“You have pointy teeth. All the better to bite with...” Bakugou leaned in and connected his lips to yours, stealing your first kiss without even a second thought.

You were boggled by his words, thrown off by him not running away scared.

“If you were worried about your teeth scaring me off, you should know I can handle myself. I’m a big boy.” 

He loves to see you smile, even if you only do it around him.

He finds your teeth super cute?? Like man will ask you to nibble on him I’m sorry he thinks ur adorable <3

»»————-　★　————-««

eijiro kirishima

»»————-　★　————-««

GOD TWINSIESESESES

He realistically finds out when you’re eating alone in your dorm like you usually do.

You’d been teased growing up, called mean names all throughout school, mostly at lunch, so you’d taken up measures to hide your sharp teeth.

You wore masks and scarves, often trying to avoid talking without one.

But Kirishima was so fed up. He wanted to have lunch with you *insert angry emoji face here*

He is smitten for you bro he just wants to eat lunch with his bae

Doesn’t even knock and will barge right in.

His face when you lock eyes is pure love.

He takes a few looks at your teeth, which look similar to his, and he’s practically crying.

“YOU HAVE POINTY TEETH TOO???” He’s hugging you while yu try to push him away.

“Stop! No, you’re supposed to be scared?!” You stare at him.

“Scared? What why? They’re cute! And they look like mine...hey are you calling my teeth scary?!” He pouts.

“No! Mine are-”

“They are not! They’re adorable. They look really cute on you. Not that you can pick out your teeth or whatever but like they’re cute, manly too!” He stumbles over his words before pulling you into another hug.

“Whoever told you they were scary is wrong. They’re cute. I like them.” Kirishima is a blushing mess as he peppers a few kisses on your cheeks, reassuring you that one of your insecurities was actually something really sweet.

He also enjoys seeing you smile.

he calls u his lil shark bae

Please this man will only take selfies with the two of your like full teeth smiling.

Probably has like a gold cast of one of your teeth on a necklace bc he refuses to let u think that they’re scary.

»»————-　★　————-««

fumikage tokoyami

»»————-　★　————-««

Bless his heart he-

Honestly, he loves your teeth, probably bc you think they’re dark and scary.

This man loves dark and scary things.

So you’ve got pointy teeth and you’re insecure about them. It’s bugged you since you’ve had them, always getting teased for them.

You opted to wear masks to conceal the and usually tried to avoid showing them if at all possible.

But Tokoyami can almost tell if something’s the matter.

He really likes when you open up to him. 

He doesn’t try to push the subject, but he’ll remind you if there’s something on your mind that you’d like to talk about, he and/or dark shadow will gladly listen.

So one day you’re just chilling in his dorm painting your nails in partial silence while dark shadow sings some song he’d heard on the radio.

“I would like to kiss you.” Tokoyami blurts out, seemingly out of random. But you’d been dating for a while, it was going to come up at some point.

“Y-you do?!” You look at him almost shocked.

“I do. Is that alright?” He asks, leaning forward ever so slightly. He goes to reach a hand up t stroke your cheek but you quickly cover your mouth with your hand.

“I have really scary sharp teeth that might hurt you if you kiss me.” You blurt out way too quickly, your words jumbling together almost making it impossible to understand.

Tokoyami just chuckles.

“Scary sharp teeth? Do I really look like the kind of guy to be scared by teeth?” Tokoyami chuckles. Your gaze softens and you slowly lower your head.

“You really like all the scary stuff huh.” You smile, your teeth peeking out.

Tokoyami can’t help but notice how pointy they are. He leans in, quickly closing the gap that rests between the two of you.

It’s a nice kiss, reassuring.

You feel better about your teeth. 

He loves seeing you smile, and so does dark shadow.

He only teases you for thinking that he’d be scared of your teeth.

man loves dark and spooky stuff? hello if thats the case then ur teeth were made for him.

that sounded weird.

okay but you smiling with black lipstick on???? tokoyami is suddenly offering his hand in marriage for u

»»————-　★　————-««

mezo shoji

»»————-　★　————-««

If anyone understands what you’re going through, this guys knows.

He doesn’t question you, instead he only tells you that if you’d ever like to talk about why you wear your mask, he’d listen.

Shoji is so sweet.

He’d never pressure you into taking your mask off, or pressure you into telling him why you wear it.

He opens up about his mask and shows you and it makes you feel better.

You feel like you can trust him, and a part of you understands what he’s been through.

You can both relate.

When you finally decide to take off your mask and show him, he’s very patient and understanding. 

He doesn’t rush you or make any jokes unless you’re comfortable with them.

He finds your teeth really cute.

“They’re beautiful, just like you.” 

It’s such a cheesy line, but he means it. 

He pinches your cheeks over and over again because it’s the first time he’s seen them without your mask on. 

And your lips, he loves them too.

He loves to kiss them.

And if you do nibble on him, he doesn’t mind either.

You like to wear his mask sometimes when you’re alone in each other’s dorm.

“I think that color suits you, love.” He’ll pull you in close and wrap his arms around you, kissing your forehead.

KISSING. THROUGH. MASKS.

he knows where ur lips are at this point, he’ll place a smooch right on em.

when u wear his mask and it smells like u and then he wears it and hes like <3 <3 <3 i love this homie

»»————-　★　————-««

masterlist

[zoopzopp]

a list of some ~angsty~ izuku-centric fics

He Was Quirkless by PruneyWitch - Midoriya get's sick of discrimination against the quirkless and decides to do something about it. It leads to some interesting situations. A trilogy.

survival instinct by carolinaa - Izuku's always had the vague feeling that trusting people is more trouble than it's worth. A villain's quirk makes him realize how painful trust can be, too.

every memory is a drop in the ocean by wastefulreverie - Izuku's memory was heavy. It felt like he'd been asleep for a very long time even though he was fairly certain that he'd just met All Might on a rooftop. They said that he was a student at UA High School and that he'd been hit with a memory erasure quirk, but that couldn't be right? Izuku was quirkless. Even All Might said he'd never be a hero.

invitation by achievingelysium - He didn’t like birthdays. He didn’t like celebrating birthdays, because no one cared about Izuku’s birthday, about the stupid, Quirkless kid of Aldera— Izuku kicked at his desk. Stared at the edge of it blankly for a moment. Sixteen. He’d made it to sixteen. Izuku thinks he'll celebrate his birthday alone. His friends disagree. (this ones angsty but also sweet and fluffy)

(paid for it) with all of my blood by theshoutingslytherin - As it turns out, Midoriya has more in common with him than Hitoshi ever realized.

things my heart used to know by aloneintherain - The first time Izuku remembers meeting Shouto, he’s fourteen years old and immediately smitten. (AU where Izuku keeps getting killed during their first year at UA—so Shouto keeps travelling back in time to save him.)

absolution by Argentina - In which there are always two sides to the same story, and as Shouta delves further into Midoriya and Bakugou's middle school years, he discovers that they're both victims of a broken society.

hold your heart fast by achievingelysium - In the aftermath of a villain fight, Izuku can't understand why Eri seems so scared of him. Or Aizawa-sensei, one of the people he trusts most.

But Who Saves You? by poe_tate_toe - The room was silent. The only sound was Izuku’s cries, the boy still writhing around in his arms that made Shouta’s heart break and heartbreakshatter. “Get out.” Shouta demanded, eyes still trained on All Might, voice filled with hatred and contempt. “Now.”

a lesson you should heed (try, try again) by aloneintherain - Izuku doesn't know why the day keeps resetting. He doesn't know why he's trapped on campus, or why there's no phone reception, or why Aizawa and Shinsou keep losing their memories of the Saturdays they've already lived, while Izuku remains constantly, painfully aware. But he does know this: Aizawa and Shinsou keep dying, over and over again, in more brutal and creative ways. And it's his job to save them.

All Fun And Games Until I Actually Die by SpeedingCheetah - Izuku Midoriya would do nearly anything to reach the goals he had. He’d take risks and make bargains with those who he thought he would have never chosen to work with; He’d even die. He’d joke around and make himself feel better by resetting from the misery he experienced each night on patrol, each hour when his thoughts turned bitter and hateful. But such actions couldn’t be used forever. After all, it was only all fun and games until he actually died. And when Izuku told someone this, he wasn’t too sure as to what he was thinking.

Never understand ( and you can't ) by deliha__bells - " I was four when someone first used their quirk on me." Midoriya is sick and tried of his classmates bias and prejudice against the quirkless community and finally breaks

a penny for your thoughts by cassiopeia721 - While visiting Eri at the hospital following her rescue from the Shie Hassaikai, Izuku and Aizawa-sensei both run into a nurse with a telepathy based quirk, and Izuku finds himself in a telepathic bond with his teacher. This is... somewhat worrying, considering how many secrets Izuku needs to keep.

For the greater good by rabiddog (orphan_account) - "Somebody needs to stay behind." "Don't worry, Kacchan! I'll be fine. Just make sure everyone gets out safely, okay?"

Live For Everything, Die For Everyone by Eurybia773 - Midoriya Izuku is kidnapped and Class 1-A goes to hell and back to keep him safe

The World Without Me by BeyondTheClouds777 - When Izuku dies, he realizes he’s not as Quirkless as he thought. He does indeed have a Quirk, one called “Second Chance” that gives him another chance at life after death. But the Quirk comes with an odd side-effect: he gets to see what the rest of the world is like without him first.

Lives of Future Past by HeartQuirk - An alternative take on de-ageing/swap quirks: Veteran Pro Hero Deku gets swapped into his own past, while his teenage self must navigate an uncertain and mysterious future.

Forgive, Not Forget by orphan_account - He stared out into the night, watching cars pass and stars twinkle. I never told him that I was sorry. Shit. How the hell could he have never thought to apologize? Bakugou had ostracized Deku from their friends, bullied, and tormented him all the way through middle school, to the point where Deku would cringe and cower whenever Bakugou glanced his way. His skin crawled as he remembered. Had he really done all of that? He was so full of shit, and now Deku was somewhere, bleeding out on a hospital bed because of Bakugou’s stupidity and he would never know that Bakugou was so, so, infinitely sorry.

You Never Asked by jongdaethedinosaur - aka: Izuku's smart enough to give Nedzu a headache, the League of Villains aren't all that bad, and Aizawa is trying his best

Heights by Gabberwocky - Or: 5 Times Katsuki Found Izuku on Rooftops and 1 Time Izuku Found Katsuki.

Reverse To Go Forwards by Otaku6337 - A certain Problem Child gets caught up in a Quirk manifestation and collapses in class. But when he wakes up, things aren't quite adding up. And why is he so skittish of everything, Bakugou in particular?

P.S. If he asks, tell Kacchan it's not his fault by JessenoSabaku - When Kacchan tells Midoriya to go kill himself in primary school, he takes it seriously. Not enough to actually kill himself, but he does try his hand at writing a note. Years later, he finds the note again, and he keeps it. For some reason, reading it makes him feel better when nights on patrol get rough. And then, one night, Kacchan finds it by accident.

i cant think of anymore rn but!! I'll update this soon!!!!

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

Agave Syrup: ship kid. Secondary collab verse.

Annnnnd here's the new baby! She's my Cciller ship kid. She exists the the secondary ship kid universe which is a collab verse with @thebluescreen. She's from the Multiverse Rem is a part of, but not from the multiverse Coffee creamer is from. (They are two separate multiverses with different ships and storys.)

Both Agave and 4Loko are the same person, I'll explain below.

"yall really for a no caff, full foam, double chocolate latte, with an extra hit of caramel syrup!? It's my own special blend..... Added just for you~"

Name: Agave Syrup

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Strate

Parents: (Bio) Ccino (Da) and Killer (Baba). Non bio Nightmare (Father).

Other family: Rem (older half brother) Vanta (older half brother) Somba Lullaby (older half brother). Dream (uncle) Cross (Uncle) Radiant Hope (Cousin) Empathy (Cousin). And many cats.

Nicknames: Kitten (by killer) and Gave

Agave is the youngest of the Fluffynightkiller ship kids from the second verse. She grew up primary raised By Ccino and her oldest brother Rem. Killer and Nightmare were there, but weren't massively involved parents.

Agave is pretty close to her brother Rem, despite the 13 year age gap and will normally have a fortnightly movie night where they will watch crappy horror movies (like Jack Frost or The Sand) and laugh about how stupid they are. They also both love to watch old horror movies and play a game of "what incredibly stupid choice will character A make that will result in there death? Hmmm". It's there favourite thing to do together.

Agave isn't a huge fan of generally good horror films though and especially can't stand the saw films. So she doesn't watch them unless it's with Rem.

Agave and her other brother Somba aren't as close (he's 5 years older) but she still cares alot for him and isn't above defending him if needed.

Agave has two main sides to herself, this being how she is normally and her persona/alterego 4Loko. But more on that below.

Normally she is a very bright and chipper girl who's abit of a goof. She sees the fun or silly side in alot of things in life and is rarely not in a good mood. She's also quite a passive person (or at least pretends to be) and is quite kind. Her personality is abit to much like Dream's for Nightmare's liking so the two aren't really close.

She's that person who is very fun to be around but just slightly unnerving. Like there is something going on underneath her smile. Something just slightly off.

Being born with her soul on the outside of her body wasn't suprising because of her relation to Killer, however it caused Ccino to be conserned during her up bringing. He were quite scared about how easily she could be hurt of killed so always kept a close eye on her. Killer didn't care as much and gave her more free rain. For example, letting her play with this pocket knife as a 1 year old.

Agave works primarily at her Da's coffee shop and takes great pride in it. She grew up there and its been a part of her life ever since she can remember. She enjoys making her own flavouring syrups and blends to put into drinks to make them taste better. Other then that she's studying a business degree (at age 18 +) at a local university in order to get better with the business.

About 4Loko and her soul.

"Me? And serial killer? No no I'm a barista, those aren't even similar....."

Now this is where things start up, because she's got to inherit some things from Killer, right?

Agaves soul glitches, much like Killer's does, from being heart shaped to being target shaped. It does this many times a day. When this happens it normally doesn't last longer then a few seconds till it goes back to normal. To an outsider it may even be unnoticeable and for the most part it doesn't effect Agave.

However sometimes she will trap her soul into a jar or some type of container. Doing this will stop it from glitching and stick it in whatever form its in (she can't do this all the time as it strains the soul and brings pain). So sometimes she will stick it in target mode. When she sticks it in target mode, her eyes drip.

Unbeknownst to any of her parents when her soul is like this, it changes her. She feels basically nothing, no fear, no sadness, no guilt or empathy. She realised at a young age that this was her super power.

In this mode she could do anything and not suffer any emotional consequences.

It started with stealing cookies from the biscuit tin at age 9 and evolved into hurting bully's at school. Then into giving food poisoning to rude customers by mixing up syrups to slip into drinks to make people ill.

For the most part she stays out of this mode, only dipping in when she felt she needed to test how far she could push it.

When she was 15 she started to consider pushing it to the limit.

She was watching the news and found out about some kind of abuser or murder being arrested and she thought. Why do we let people who do such horrible things live? Wouldn't it be better if they were dead? Then she realised, with her super power, could she kill someone?

When she was 16 she had her first kill. They were robber shed caught beating someone in an alleyway. (I don't know to much about this yet so I'll need to think more about it) but afterwards, she realised that she'd been right in the fact that she didn't feel guilty. She could use this to make the world a better place!

She didn't kill again for about a year. (just incase, I wanna point out that I'm not saying that what Agave does is justified. She's just an ship kid, a act of fiction and not ment to be taken seriously)

So anyway, by age 17 Agave makes her second kill and continues on that path. These are alot more thought out and planned. Her method of choice is through creating poisonous syrup and killing people that way, though she isn't above a good old knife death. Her Baba taught her well. She also carries around chemicals to clean blood and things like that.

She doesn't like her victims to dweal in pain and gets the deaths over quickly and painlessly. She gets no pleasure from causing pain to others, and when she doesn't have a target soul it makes her upset to hurt people.

Agave ended up calling her killer mode 4Loko. That's the name for her alterego the serial killer. She separates 4Loko from herself and doesn't want it to impact her Day to day life. So she will use make up to cover the birth mark on her face. When she's in her 20s she ends up working as an hireable assassin for killing criminals. But more on that later.

Non of her parents know about her double life. But that doesn't mean no one does.

Rem has always kept a close eye on his little sister. Over the years he noticed her odd behaviour and her collection of 'syrups' that she keeps in her room hidden.

During her 17th year he confronts her about what she does (which was a huge mess) the two fought as she attempted to stab him through the soul with her knife. She couldn't let him live if he knew right? She would have been able to but she just couldn't bring herself to hurt him. Since she wasn't in target mode she just couldn't do it especially as he spoke to her and talked her down. (tbh it's actually a kind of sweet scene between them).

After he's calmed her Rem offers to help her kill people, and he's very happy to. (Rem has alot of darkness under his kind surface which I'm sure @thebluescreen would be more then happy to explain in better detail).

So the two grow closer through that.

And yeah, that's the basic run down of my Cciller baby.! Hope you like her! My barista turned murderer/hitman I figured this would be a good mix of both her parents.

You have no idea! How long I spent working on her colour scheme..... It took about a month till I finally had this one and I'm pretty happy with it. I hope I explained everything about her double life well, I wasn't sure how clear it is. If you have any questions, please ask.

<3

[revchainsaw]

Buffy: the Vampire Slayer (1997)

Season 1

Hello and Welcome back my creepy congregation! We will be taking todays service from the Big Screen into your living room for our first Personal Devotional. That's Right! We're reviewing full seasons of television series now and what better way to bring the spirit of the genre film to the idiots lantern that with the 90s Television sensation and all around love letter to the horror genre, Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

The Message

Regardless of how one may feel about Mr. Whedon we can't deny how much we love Buffy Summers and the Kids who live and die in Sunnydale! Season one of Buffy was a spin off/reboot of the earlier film and an attempt by Whedon to course correct the franchise by breathing a little charm and attention into the subject matter.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Season 1) focuses on Buffy Summers, a not so typical California high school student who, due to the events of the movie, has been relocated to Sunnydale High. Buffy is not just a cute, athletic, teenage girl looking to enjoy the prime of her life, though she is those things, she is also the Slayer, an anointed warrior who has been reincarnated throughout the generations to protect our vulnerable weak human world from the forces of evil; particularly Vampires. Buffy is a sort of supernatural Captain America, that is a peak human being, but instead of Nazi Science she was born with her powers.

Joining Buffy are; High School outcasts Willow and Xander (a nerd and a nice guy respectively), The ridiculously sexy librarian Rupert Giles (her mentor, guardian, high school librarian, and all around precious papa bear), Jenny Calendar (a technopagan computer teacher armed with all the mystery an ignorant 90s boomer could attribute to the internet), Angel (Spoiler: He's a Vampire, but he's a good guy. A hunky, broody, good guy vampire love interest), and her loving but entirely oblivious mother. The Scoobies as they have come to be called aid Buffy in her quest to protect Sunnydale from Dark Forces.

And Speaking of those Dark Forces, they are primarily vampires, led by the Master; an ancient vampire who resembles to some degree Nosferatu and a Bat, a look that Guillermo Del Toro would later perfect in his own series the Strain. The Master seeks to fulfill an ancient prophecy that would open the Hellmouth (a portal to hell, exactly what it sounds like) and free him in order that he and his kind should conquer the world.

The first season is fairly short consisting of the following adventures.

1. Welcome to the Hellmouth - Buffy moves to Sunnydale seeking to leave her Vampire ways behind, but the vampires just won't let her catch a break.

2. The Harvest - Vampire Shenanigans continues. Buffy learns of the Master.

3. Witch - A fellow Cheerleader is possessed by her witchy mom.

4. Teachers Pet - Buffy vs Giant Mantis

5. Never Kill a Boy on the First Date - Buffy vs the Anointed One (Not Really)

6. The Pack - Buffy vs Hyena Possessed High School Bullies

7. Angel - Buffy vs Angel but actually Darla

8. I, Robot ... you, Jane - Buffy vs Internet Demon

9. The Puppet Show - Buffy and Sid the Dummy vs Organ Harvesting Demon

10. Nightmares - Buffy has bad dreams

11. Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Buffy vs Invisible Nerd

12. Prophecy Girl - Buffy vs The Master (also Buffy Dies)

Overall the short season, while not allowing for too much world building, kept the show to a format that allowed very little filler. So although we mostly only get vampires as villains, we don't have enough time to really be bored of it. Some of the shows dynamics and cultural concerns definitely date the series but overall Season 1 of Buffy is definitely not a difficult watch, and can be enjoyed over and over again.

Let's get to the Benediction:

Best Character: Slay Girl, Slay!

As far as season one goes the titular Buffy Summers is the best character. Sarah Michelle Gellar is absolutely charismatic in the lead role and though at times she may seem selfish or reckless it makes perfect sense for the character. The character is allowed to be weak, to be selfish, and to be unlikeable. She avoids the foibles of a Luke Skywalker or a Harry Potter. She joins the ranks of primary protagonists who are not constantly outshined by their supporting cast. I believe when Buffy is sad, I believe when she throws a punch, I believe she struggles with her destiny. The only thing I don't believe is how ditsy she let's on.

Best Actor: Head's Up!

Anthony Stewart Head. Head as Giles is just fantastic. His balance of frustration with Buffy and genuinely parental concern is heartwarming and absolutely makes Giles one of the warmest father figures in television history.

Best Episode: A 'Master'ful Finale

It all builds up to Prophecy Girl and for good reason. Television shows often have mini-finale's at the end of their first seasons because the teams behind the series are not sure they will have a chance to tell more of their story. For that reason you can see just the first season of most television series and feel like you've heard the whole deal. I wish this habit was kept up in other seasons as we wouldn't still be wondering what the hell happened to Joel at the end of the Santa Clarita Diet. Buffy is no exception to this phenomenon and therefor attempted to tie up much of it's narrative in Prophecy Girl. While that often means big bads will be dispatched, I think it's a small price to pay for not winding up in a cliff hanger. Buffy and Giles just shine in this episode, Angel is given a more heroic role, Willow finally values herself as she should and Xander stops being a fucking horrible human being for once. This episode really satisfies in all areas.

Best Villain: Sweet, Sweetheart Killer

It's such a shame that Darla was killed so early on in the franchise. She is such a great presence on the screen that she overshadows all the villains that play alongside her, even the Master. I would have loved to have seen an alternate season where she offs the old coot and assumes the role of big bad much like Spike does in Season 2. Lucky for everyone that Darla is featured throughout the show in flashbacks and I hear she is even resurrected in Angel. Also, for Scott Pilgrim fans I feel like she and Envy Adams are very much sympatico. Maybe if they reboot Buffy all my dreams will come true.

I'd also like to take this time to recommend the song Angels and Darlas by Say Hi! It's pretty good.

Best Monster Design: Internet Troll!

While I can't speak for where the money in Season 1 of Buffy went, I can say that at least some decent cash was spent on both the forms of Moloch the Corruptor from the Episode "I, Robot ... You, Jane". Moloch was pretty wicked looking as a machine toward the end of the episode, he looked like a Mortal Kombat villain, but it's the green scales and ram horns the actor is sporting at the beginning of the episode that really catches the eye. In fact, I'm feeling compelled to hunt down any Moloch the Corruptor merch that may be out there on the internet. It's certainly no mystery why the demon's face is featured prominently in the theme song. It just looks great! Good job to the make up department there.

Most WTF moment: "Pack"s a Punch on Principle

While not the greatest episode in season one "the Pack" is certainly worth the watch if for no other reason than the horror is kicked up when a group of high school students under the influence of a malevolent Hyena God, decide that the School Mascot is not enough to satisfy their bloodlust turn on the principal, and yes, THEY EAT HIM. I remember being completely caught of guard the first time I saw that scene, and it kickstarted the running gag of Sunnydale high principles meeting their demise in horrific ways.

Worst Character: No More Mr. Nice Guy

When I was in college I often felt bad for Xander. The funny guy who just had no luck with women. He was sarcastic but had a big heart, and used a horny gimmick to mask his loneliness, or so I thought. But now I am older, I am wiser, I have known the touch of another human being and I have to say that Xander Harris is a really scummy fellow. I don't remember thinking so poorly and I wonder if the character develops a more nuanced view of women as the show goes on. As it stands there's barely a point in the series that Xander does not view the female cast as objects for him to enjoy or be embittered towards for one reason or another. It's not charming, it's foul. Xander Harris of season one is absolutely a terrorist attack waiting to happen, if Buffy had happened today it would be much more concerning to see someone so embittered, horny, and entitled to womens time and energy as Xander Harris. Dude is one step away from pulling an Elliot Rogers. Calm down buddy and maybe actually listen to a woman and you may find you aren't as much of a 'nice guy' as you think.

Worst Episode(s): If you're not first ...

It's a toss up on this one. Season One of Buffy is actually so short and concise that the 'Monster of the Week' episodes will have to be up for grabs as the worst episode by default, but even they are pretty watchable and don't warrant the vitriol a "worst" dub usually entails. I'd say there is not a worst episode of season one, just some episodes that aren't as good as the rest. In that vain, take your pick from "Witch", "Out of Mind, Out of Sight", or "The Puppet Show". However, I'd be doing a disservice to those episodes not to mention that each one of them takes what could just be a basic Buffy Vs (insert Villain), and does something unique and interesting with the idea. The villain of "Witch" actually turns out to be a has been cheerleader actually possessing the body of her innocent daughter to relive her glory years, The Invisible Girl is actually the victim of social cruelty, her peers disinterest in her manifesting in her condition becoming quite literal and she is picked up by the military in the end, then the Puppet show, well, it's just about the stupidest most absurd thing that could possibly happen and it's completely unafraid of that fact.

Summary:

Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Season 1) is not the most groundbreaking TV, but it is absolutely evident why the show was such a phenomenon. Season 1 is particularly rewatchable. It does not demand too much investment or attention, but it will get it from you, especially on a first viewing. It's not afraid to take itself absolutely seriously or to plant it's tongue firmly in it's cheeks. It is to a degree a product of it's time, but in many other aspects feels timeless.

Overall Grade: B

[myonlypen]

Reading this made me want to infodump my experiences with bullying so sorry for the long post.

There's no real structure to this post, just a stream of memories I want to get down somewhere. I'll probably edit even more stuff I remember in later.

Sometimes I think I'm exaggerating to myself the extent of the bullying I experienced at school as an excuse for me having no irl friends for the 10+ years since I graduated. Like "I'm probably just a shitty person and I'm just making excuses for myself."

But then I speak to someone I knew from school who says "yeah I remember when you were bullied. Like that time when..." and they recall a story that I just don't remember at all. Did they misremember someone that happened to someone else? Was it so traumatic that I blocked it out of my memory? Was it such a normal occurrence that I didn't bother to remember it in the same way that I don't remember what I had for a specific meal a month ago?

Then there's the stuff I do remember. There were some boys who did do the physical bullying thing. One of them was a year older than me but our schedule aligned in such a way that our classes used the changing room at the same time. There were no windows so what he did was he'd turn the light out, sneak up behind me and grab me shouting "rape! rape!" and swing me violently from side to side. On more than one occasion I was injured by this (changing rooms have wooden benches and metal hooks in them after all). I had to go home a couple of times due to my face being bashed in and my glasses broken by him doing this, and another time it was because I got a nasty gash all the way down my leg. After camera phones became commonplace, he used to engage in what was called "happyslapping". Which basically just means, filming the assaults you commit for entertainment.

There was another boy who, after PE, would announce how sweaty he was, reach down his underwear and rub his hand around, and then rub it on my face.

I was stabbed a few times by sharp but not dangerous objects like pens and springs. I still have a scar on my left wrist from a particularly bad one.

Then there was the psychological bullying.

In primary school girls used to recoil in horror whenever I was near, exclaiming that they'd catch my "germs".

In secondary school they would approach me and "ask me out" and if I said yes they'd laugh at how hilarious it was that I believed someone could like me. If I said no, they'd laugh at how hilarious it was that I already knew that people would only ever ask me out as a joke.

People would laugh at me for the embarrassing things I'd written on MySpace the previous night. I never had a MySpace account. Someone was deliberately impersonating me. Nobody believed me when I told them this, or at least pretended to not believe me.

One kid started a rumour that I wet myself on a school trip. This is the same one who later, on a similar school trip, tried to pull a Shinji Ikari on me.

On another school trip a boy convinced me I had woken up late and had missed breakfast and wouldn't be allowed to eat anything until the evening. When I started crying he went down to the other boys' dorm rooms inviting them to come and watch me crying my eyes out (which made me cry even more). He then went on to tease me about this incident for years.

On another school trip to a different city a bunch of us had different lectures to go to and the teachers said after they were finished we could go around the city for a few hours but were adamant we did it in groups and nobody should go around by themselves. Nobody waited for me, I got out of my lecture and everyone had already gone. So I was left sitting alone next to the school minibus for a couple of hours.

Then there's the whole "always picked last in sports" kind of thing. And blocking your passage in the corridor/on the yard while you're trying to get somewhere. Kicking water from rain puddles on you while you're eating, ruining your food and clothes in one go.

Trying to gaslight me into thinking that Charizard evolved into a 4th stage (this was pre-gen 6) by getting multiple people in on the lie.

Saying my name at me when they walked past me.

That last one - for some reason that is the one that sticks in my memory the most. Because this is the kind of "microaggression" OP mentions above. If I went to a teacher and said I was being bullied, and they asked how, and I said "they're saying my name at me", I'd sound crazy. And that was why it was so effective and why it's the first thing that jumps to mind when I try to remember what bullying was like. It's also why I try to tell myself that the bullying wasn't that bad - because I am treating my younger self with exactly the same dismissiveness that I feared the teachers or my parents would have.

I did have some friends while I was at school. One time I was at the bus stop and people started picking on me, insisting I was a freak for not being interested in cars. My "friend" was doing this too, and when I asked him why he said "it's called joining in, it's how you make friends". That's always stuck with me. Making friends at someone else's expense.

Other people pretended I could trust them so they could spike my food. They knew I was a vegetarian and they enjoyed trying to "prove" that it was "all in my head" - because they apparently thought it was supposed to be an allergy and not a choice. So they tried to trick me into eating meat. When we became old enough to drink alcohol, they knew I didn't do that either. So they enjoyed giving me coke and conveniently not mentioning it had rum or vodka mixed in.

One "friend" convinced me to confide in him who I had a crush on. ...which of course he went on to tell everyone.

One friend I made was gay. He didn't have any friends either because of homophobia in the school. However, he was kind of gross too - he clearly developed a crush on me which would be fine if he didn't start doing things like trying to video call me even after I explicitly declined and said things like "what are you wearing". After he got too creepy I started trying to distance myself from him, to which everyone else in the school responded by calling me homophobic as if they had always been anti-homophobia.

I also have a vague memory one guy who referred to anything brown (such as mud) as the N-word spreading rumours that I was racist. He said he was an authority because he had black ancestry. He's one of the whitest ginger people you could imagine

Teachers were, of course, useless. Whether they blamed the bully and the victim equally, or just blaming the victim entirely. One teacher told me off for crying once. Another time I was punched in the gut while waiting for my turn batting in baseball and the teacher responded by banning both the bully and myself from playing. Once during a school dance I was being pushed around and eventually fell to the ground. A teacher came up to me and punished me as if it was my fault.

One teacher became aware of a happyslapping video he found of me, which I guess was a good thing, but he must know where to go to find illicit videos because a few years later he was arrested for sharing videos online from cameras he had hidden in the students' toilets.

When I went on holiday I was terrified that someone from school would see me. Even though it was unlikely to happen, even though there's nothing wrong with being on holiday, even though if there were something wrong with it, the other person would have to admit to it too in order to make fun of me for it, it still weighed on my mind. This made holidays almost as stressful as term time for me.

no piece of teen media has ever accurately depicted the quiet psychological warfare of bullying. bullies on TV are always dumb brutes and not the evil geniuses of emotional manipulation that they are in real life. being given a wedgie and having your lunch money stolen is nothing in comparison to a classmate quietly creating a taboo against speaking to you that they intend to enforce against all the other kids. it’s nothing like continuous cutting comments from people you thought were being nice to you. that way that the work of one kid can make you feel like every person on earth silently hates you and that you are dirty, disgusting, worthless, creepy and useless. that you can have friends but many of them will not speak to you at school for fear of the social consequences on their end. how that damage lasts in any social setting for the rest of your life

[zykjhrzqkn1h4m3xyine]

1/02/2019

I woke up at 7:30 today. This isn't good, my goal is 6:00 and I'm only getting worse and worse every day. I had an epiphany, is that the word. I realised that she said that I have like one class where I'm in the same class as one of them, but since it's only one class, that means that I should only see them twice a month right? Unless I have more than one class on that day, oh god. This whole mess would've never happened if it wasn't for the choices and made and if my last name was different. Anyway, I didn't make my own breakfast today, or even eat breakfast. I guess I'll eat breakfast at school. I need the school track suit and new sport shoes. So those things I really need. So I need to separate my wish list and my need list. I saw a new method of seeing if you really need something, it's asking: would you rather be given the amount of money that something costs or would you rather have the item. It's a pretty good method.

It's now recess. So I'll talk about roll call, Gabby is in my roll call. Before school started I went to tech and I asked ms da Silva if she could separate me and Gabby. She agreed. So what happened in roll call was I sat next to Ivy, and ms da Silva separated me and Gabby by putting someone in between us. First period: it was English, I sat with Stephanie, we did some research on war poets. We didn't make a lot of jokes. But it was okay. Ema was also in English. She was also in second period.

Science was a nightmare. Ema was sitting in the row behind me, and the whole thing with Ema and when I wanted to break the friendship with her. It's exactly same thing. This time eve is the middle person and she's saying the exact same thing as Gabby that one time. The reason why I'm here now is because I told Gabby and I trusted and followed her advice. I'm not going to make the same mistake. I sitting with Olivia, Clarissa and Eve. This is only temporary, I don't consider myself part of their "group". I'm not going to make myself comfortable, because I will lose them again. Tomorrow I'm going to the library and to study. I was really scared in every subject except visual design. That's the only time I felt comfortable. Visual design is alright, we were cutting shapes to like make an abstract face, but that's pretty boring. That seems like something you would do in visual arts. I knew new people, I know Daniella, and I how know hajera. Daniella kinda looks like Irmak. I need a device in visual design that can downooad Adobe products. That's going to be an issue, I can only bring my old really clunky laptop. I don't have a laptop. I wonder if ms Papus will find it acceptable. LlWe got a code for Google classroom, I'll write code in here later. It's:

It's now after school. I'm walking home. A lot happened just then. So during lunch, in the last quarter, Eve, Clarissa and Olivia, made me talk to Ema and Ameera. They talked to me, I shook like crazy. Then I started crying, I told Ema, the reason I was like this, was not because of Ema. They asked me if I wanted to be friends with them. I said no, at this point I was already crying really hard. I told them that I didn't want this (twice) I told Ameera that I was only getting in her and Gabby's way. So that's all I told them. I told Ema that I know she can never forgive me, so it would be better if I left. I told them how I wanted to throw myself off the library every day. She said that she didn't know if she forgave me or not. I did it, I told them that I didn't want to be their friend. I'm proud. I was still crying really hard so I went to the office to ask if I could go home. Ms Maharaj saw me, and she was really concerned about me. She convinced me that I didn't need to go home. I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I accidentally spilled half my miceller water in the sink. That added to an otherwise horrible day. In visual design I was informed by Ashley that I had chewing gum on my shoe. That is the most stereotypical thing that happens when the main character has a awful day in a movie. That and getting hit by water when they're walking on a sidewalk by a car. I really wanted to do film study, but that's okay. I'm glad I didn't go home. It's better if my parents don't find out about this, especially my dad. I don't want to make them upset. I don't think anything good happened today. I don't know why I'm so unlucky, my family is all really unlucky. I want to live but just not this life. It's raining a little bit on me right now, but I don't mind. My bag is heavy, but I don't mind. I need to buy a math book and a red pen. I also need to study for three hours. If time is money, I need a loan.

It's 4:30 and me and dad are going to Officeworks right now, I need a math book.

Mac is nice, but he's not going to be one I like. I need someone who wants to take care of me, and me to them. I don't even want to date anyone until I'm 16, so I'm good. I'm glad I can talk to you, so I don't accidentally overshare my feelings.

I went to office works, we didn't get a red pen, but we got two graph books, they're both 7mm, but they don't have the spiral spine. 48 pages each.

I have poetry homework today, as well as studying for science. I also need to join the classroom for visual design.

I did English homework, or at least part of it. It's kinda hard to do, but we have the weekend to do it. I'm talking with Mac and Emma. Mac has a very bad relationship with his mom. I think his mom is mentally ill, but he really truly despises his mom. She smokes but she gets angry when anyone critiques it. I think that she's ashamed of her smoking habit but that's just my opinion. I think she really needs therapy, based on the way she treats her son. Like at the age of 14, she allowed him to get a desk. He was big hopes and he's putting in a lot of effort to work towards them. He's a good kid, I hope he succeeds in life.

Mac is such a pure boy, I hope he succeeds in life omg. I already knew this but, he was beaten up, and bullied in primary school, a lot of people backstabbed him, and that's the root of his trust issues and worries.

Oh so we got on the topic of the Dolan twins. And then I said that I liked them a little, like Y'know I like their videos. And I didn't want him to think that I was a like a crazy fan or anything so I said that their fans are crazy y'know? Girls like them because they're goofy" And he responded really negatively like "well it's working they've got you" and that sort of distrust and sudden negatively made me feel really sad and scared. And I started crying. Not really hard just like in the middle of the night that kind of crying. I'm really sensitive right now, even the smallest bit of negativity can send me into tears. Because I was so scared not to make the wrong move when I was friends with Gabby and Ameera, that really shook me up. Or maybe I'm just really fragile. I don't want my sensitivity to be an excuse for my actions.

So the annoying thing about me when I cry is that my nose becomes really really red and my eyes become bloodshot and it usually lasts for about an hour, I've also noticed that the top of my lip becomes red. I'll include a photo

I've already done my skin care in this photo so it's less red but if you turn up the contrast it's going to be accurate.

The white line is when I started crying.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

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A post shared by snoopdogg (@snoopdogg) on Apr 11, 2020 at 7:28am PDT

The Mayor of NYC just announced about the closing of the school year and how they tried to bridge the,gap for inequality for 6 years

I'm being honest and I'm not talking shit about him or any administration

I'm talking shit about people

This happens all the time. In elementary schools I shit you Not it happened in a 5th grade class room at La Promosa when I was substituting.

Fights and arguments were more common in high schools

In the middle school in 2016 the first month of classes there was 338 fights before classes started. And teachers trying to break it up got hit.

Im not kidding you. I don't live in the ghetto. I live ina community where they pride themselves on being the best and one of the most upper in all ways of the entire state. Where the government and schools work hard for this. They have won all kinds of awards that had absolutely nothing to do with me

I don't do that kind of system. As you see i do equality for police i do earning by deserving by showing workmanship.

But i don't do favor awards because of where i live. I was against Facebook coming to Los Lunas because we don't have a good traffic system. We have extra bad rush hour traffic that can take 3 hours to go 2 miles. So i was against Facebook coming and causing more traffic through town.

But they came and that had absolutely nothing to do with me. No shame. I don't work in the government. And they're only using solar electricity. So im not gonna bitch about it. It is good for the jobs and so on.

I'm just saying i was against it.

Because the point no matter how hard we try for our community or our schools

There's people that will fight for no reason.

So Mayor Bill while you find it painful, you may be saving some people some pain. Children being bullied. Fights such as these being hidden in school bathrooms. And so much more.

Schools were initially designed to be a safe place

But they aren't any more.

So i just wanted to explain that to all of you.

Seriously the middle school in 2016 had in the 2016 to 2017 school year, 74225 fights/arguments of high intensity that caused disruption in the hearts.

My primary school before i became unable to walk was the middle school. But it was heartbreaking.

What I saw was children coming from a home environment with one teacher and a playground.

Now our elementary schools do a block to prepare them for middle school because the change is so disruptive. So starting in 4th to 6th they change classes for certain subjects. But its only about 4 teachers per grade. So and if one is sick or has a sub or something or the teachers decide they don't want to for special projects they stay in their regular class.

Every thing else they had their whole life. Music and art and PE teachers.

Then thrown into 7 different teachers. No play ground. No desks to keep their things. No lockers. Every one new including the school grounds. They have to carry all their stuff all day in book bags.

It is the most inhumane treatment in the world.

And to make matters worse it's when they go through puberty.

I went to that school over all the schools in the district because i knew they needed me. Because they broke my heart. Because they had a constant cloud of darkness over their school.

Because they were in Hell.

Things were so used to. Things we survived. That we dont have the time to take to realize how much trouble the future of our children are in.

Just the way the school system is organized. Elementary. Middle/Intermediate/Jr High. High school.

I saw memes about zombies wanted in this WWIII

Look into the eyes of a child in Jr high. You'll see the walking dead.

I'm not kidding yoh. They tore my soul apart and broke my heart.

Every day i had to go Just to be there. Just to absorb the air. To make it cleaner for another day for them.

Turn out one set of lights. Open the blinds for the sun to come in. Do what i could to allow their brains to receive oxygen

And not neon fluorescent tube light's radiation.

Let their lungs expand and breathe so they could learn.

That is just is a basic.

It didn't help long term. Just a basic band aid.

Then allow them a voice. Allow them to speak on their own.

So, my choice to pay governments to shut down schools of 5 Billion dollars NYC will get...

It is for a reason.

My choice to have children at home worldwide

Is because i saw the suicidal desire in children's eyes. Because just of the change of the ways school systems are established.

Those children need to be home to recover.

They need more help than you will ever know.

They need more hugs and love and home cooked suppers and Happy Meals than you can imagine.

I care about those kids. I care about their parents and guardians. I care if they're homeless and on their own.

I worked plenty of special ed as well as regular education. Special ed was my favorite because they tried to blow through that black cloud every day and they also did it for the people around them

While they're termed stupid and dumb because of their lack of reading or math ability, most are the strongest of all the schools to bring light into the lives of others.

I remember this girl. She looked so dead inside. She walked up to me slow and in pain. "Idk what to do today I can't concentrate. I just don't feel right"

I looked around the room..

"Do you need the nurse?"

"No"

"Well I think you're not going to be okay take your things and go sit over my John. So I don't have to keep yelling at him for talking. Tell him I said to talk to you. He's the kid in the back from here against the wall three seats or rows back however you call them"

At that time i didn't know he was in reading special ed. I had not done his class period yet.

But i felt the most positive energy coming from his area of the room and he looked like the leader of that zone. I worried it was a mistake. That he could lead her astray.

I saw the darkness deepen "i said for her to go over there" the cloud prevented their brains from hearing and processing "HEY! YOU WANNA TALK? TALK TO HER! BECAUSE I SAID OR ILL SEND YOU TO THE PRINCIPAL. OR HEY COME HERE AND ILL EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU"

So he came up "what? Im trying to be good. And she told me i had to talk to her"

"Am i here every day? No I'm not. There's something wrong with her. Its probably something at home that has nothing to do with you. Or maybe her and her friends got into a fight. Whatever. But what i do know is you like being the center of attention and talking a lot. So what i need you to do is talk to her. Not solely but include her in your group. Can you look st her please? Tell me what you see."

"Like she wants to die or some one to take her out and shoot her in the street"

My tears prevented me from saying more "then i think you know how to handle her without doing that. Do you play a lot of video games?"

"I used to. But my mom and dad kept taking it away for me being bad in school. I have it now though i just haven't played in years"

"Well i tell you, John, i think you should start playing more as a reward from me for helping her. And you should tell your parents you're doing well socially. And she should change her seat"

"What do you think has happened to her? Something bad or...?"

"I think she's just alone. Maybe just this class or. What this is right after lunch? She may just being of a social anxiety for leaving her friends from the cafeteria"

His eyes light up "I've been in special ed all my life!! I know exactly what that is!! I can help!! Thank you Miss Teach!!"

I never saw that girl again. She ceased to exist. That class never existed again. It transformed completely into a smiling sunny happy class room. It didn't matter if all the lights were off.

Each and every single child in that room shone with brightness...

It wasn't over night. It took Team Work.

But they worked it. And it worked.

Im not talking shit about the teachers. The teacher gave them work i didn't need to teach. Just work they already knew how. Which gave me the opportunity to look and view the students in a way she didn't have the time or freedom of mind to. A lot of time she just gave them a "catch up day" catch up on old assignments and homework they hadn't turned in. She gave them one every 2 weeks so she didn't have to fail them. So she just added one in or switched it from the regular day. And she had extra credit worksheets for them to do when they finished.

So no matter what you do. There's always gonna be a problem.

Our problem for Quarentine is Essiential workers. They can't stay home. They can't give nor receive the special attention their family and friends deserve.

This is why worldwide people are saluting and applauding and thanking and doing charity for them.

This is why we set aside special vacations and money for them and their families.

Yes you, too, my store workers. Including Wal-Mart. I got shamed yesterday by one of my stout workers i always see in Wal-Mart that goes the extra mile. "What about us. Ain't no one said shit especially you"

He didn't say the word shit but... You know what i mean. It's what i heard.

Which is funny cause the last time i saw him he was stocking toilet paper.

So understand why shutting down the schools is so essiential. Why communities are being paid so much. No community school district is being paid less than $6 million to shut down for the school year.

I want you to understand why.

Because its out of control. Its dangerous. And it is damaging our humans and aliens. And it is damaging our future on Earth to be successful.

So you stressed out moms.. Chill the fuck out.

Please. Please for the love of God.

Assualt your child with a hug. Just grab them and say "i didn't know. I'm here for all those moments you felt alone. Just come and find me and ask to do something together"

Assault them with love.

This is World War 3 people. Get into action!!!

[kyandice]

How I wish there were more of such humans that would do this and go the extra mile for their friends. It's not even like what, an extra mile, they are just doing what they should do and what a normal human being should do.

people should know how much impact they could have on other person’s life. As for me, those secondary school boys should know better.

I don't believe in God, but this is reassuring. If only people would say this to me. Maybe I should start believing in God. At least maybe for once, I know my worth. 13 reasons why may be not liked due to some controversial stuff like it's promoting suicide and what not. But we also can learn a thing or two from there.   Watch "13 Reasons Why" and you'll realize just how important every little thing you say to someone really is. be kind, it could save a life. 

We all tried to get help. It's just all about the people who listened, people who cared, people who made you feel loved, people who made you feel worthy of something. And you never know whats really going on with other peoples lives, so don't be mean. For all you know, they might die the next moment and words spread and people know it’s because of you, you'll live the rest your life with guilt. I would personally kill myself, and before I do that, ill spread the word about those who drive me into this. Sure, revenge will be made, they cant have a stable life, they'll live their lives with guilt. I'm not condoning suicide, I know it's wrong and people shouldn't do it. But I've been considering this as an option since I was in secondary school and the only things stopping me is just me having no courage to actually carry everything out. There's Bryan, I don't want to hurt him either.

Other people criticize the character of Hannah and say that she is as bad as the rest of them for pinning her death on them, knowing the devastating effects this will have on them for the rest of their lives. BUT YO, sometimes, revenge just had to be made to show the world the consequences of bullying or merely being mean. Hanna is not perfect, im not perfect, I would've done the same. she's not an angelic figure who does no wrong. Hannah is a flawed character. The show isn't about how the good girl got her revenge against the cruel bullies. The show is about how everything affects everyone. And if teenagers are able to take one message from the show, it's that their actions can have serious consequences, no matter how insignificant they may seem to them.  Hannah is bullied in the show, but not the way television and movies normally portray bullying. This isn't the big kids shoving the small kid in the locker. This isn't the jock robbing the nerd's lunch money. This is real. It's slut-shaming, it's being excluded, it's being treated like dirt and it's a lack of adequate mental health facilities at her disposal. It's real. Mine wasn't as bad. But how bad? that's all relative to the person. 

What we need you to understand is that suicide is not a light-hearted choice. It takes time and an indescribable amount of sadness. You would first need to break as a human being. The road to suicide is not paved with brick. It has mountains and cliffs and even road works sometimes when things get a little better in life. Sometimes people turn around and walk back the other way, sometimes they run towards the end, sometimes they wander around in the middle for a time. It is different for everyone. But all the while suicidal people fight to live. You only see Hannah's choice to kill herself, I see every day that she didn't. Even on the last day of her life Hannah went to the counsellor. She still tried to stay. No one wants to die, not really. We want the pain to stop. We want a way out. But even when the house is on fire and we have nothing but a cup of water in our hands to help we still tell ourselves "you can do this". But we can only fight for so long and maybe eventually we reach a moment where we give up. And it only takes a moment. Then it's too late. You can choose to die once but you choose to live every day. There is a lot of talk around the show planting the idea of suicide for revenge, which is a stretch. That's the stigma talking.

When I see Clay I don't see a victim, I see a bystander.I don't think being a bystander makes you a bad person, because Clay clearly isn't.But it does make you a weak one.When you are getting bullied and no one is there to stand up for you but yourself, it's incredibly isolating.Their silence acts as encouragement to the bullies by turning a blind eye to their behaviour.

For my story, Back in secondary 2, Beatrice was always bullied. People boys laughed about her acne, pimples. Called her ugly. Laughed at her whenever she had to answer a question in class she sat at the corner of the class, trying to get away from all these negative attention. At that point, I had no friends too. The class was against me and it started because of a group of popular girls were just salty that I had more attention from boys than them. I've always hung out with boys since I was in primary school and yeah I was sporty, I played soccer, the fastest runner in school. Damn right I definitely will be popular amongst the boys. But hey, those popular pretty girls hated it. They started to spread hate about me, and well things worked pretty well for them. i mean if you were a guy, which side would you be on? A big bunch of lovely pretty popular girls or a lone decent looking girl whos kinda a tomboy whos really good at many sports? of course those pretty ladies. Guys love the pretty ladies. A point extra if you're popular. And slowly, those guys turned against me, started laughing at me, making fun of me. And each time they laugh at me, my reputation lost, my friendships were lost.

And back to Beatrice. She was another girl bullied in the school. this was the mistake that made everything worst. I didn't not regret this but, it definitely made me feel worst about myself. When people made fun of her acne and said she was disgusting, i stood up for her and comforted her everytime. But the more i do that the more people started making fun of me for protecting her and being friends with her. so yeah. but she was a shy person. i dont blame her for like not trying to stand up for me but i was taking more blow than beatrice and i just dont know if i should be selfish and just care for myself.

I just want someone, who could emotionally support me, someone who would do exactly what I would do for people. 

[xayneyierz]

I just feel so. so. so. sad but pls don't read and get triggered I'm emotional and hormones are raging

I realise we all hate bullies when we become self-aware (mercy, or not, to those who don’t) but when you realise you’ve been that way yourself one way or another when you were young or even now either consciously or unconsciously, it makes you wonder if you could have done it differently and could you have.

So I’ll start with what sparked this crazy self-reflection. Came home late had nothing to do while waiting for my hair to dry and I went to flipboard. The first thing I saw was a headline that went something like this: “Vulnerable dad tortured and made to eat his own testicle before he died”.

I mean. WTF right. This sounds like something from a fked up video game or some war crime shit.

So I read it. Not sure if it’s fake cuz after I did I couldn’t bear to read more about it and somehow I just believe that there are people who are perfectly capable of this and have the gall to plead not guilty. And it wasn’t even like that guy did anything. At least from what I read.

And then I stumbled across this article about a youtube account that posts videos of the parents pranking their kids. Just that the pranks go way beyond what those “just for laughs, gags” do. Again I only watched a sort of reaction video where the guy spliced some of the worst moments. Basically the parents would pretend one of the kids did something bad by deliberately setting them up, and then angrily confront them in like typical angry hollering and cursing parent way.

For one, any parent that curses at their child deserves hell. I don’t need to explain it.

And then the child is seen to repeatedly deny it and then burst out crying. Or in other videos they would see the older kids physically rough housing with the younger one. And according to the reaction video guy it’s mostly the same boy being targeted. Anyway i couldn’t bear to watch any more of the videos to confirm wtv. Just those scenes were enough. Apparently they’re all taken down the channel cuz they lost custody of that child and he’s now with his biological mom or sth but yknow thank heavens. But I’m sure if I search hard enough there will be reuploads and reaction videos and whatnot.

But ok and today plus yesterday I was reading koe no katachi and I watched the movie today. Basically about a boy who bullied a deaf girl and then got bullied himself when everyone else then saw him as a bully even though everyone else were just passive or even minor active bullies.

Ok so this just made me so mad and made me think so hard. To be honest with myself, and I have been for a while now, I have bullied people before. My brothers mainly. And not the kind of sibling bullying and occasional physical fights. I mean they never got out of hand especially with my parents there even though I remember this particularly bad one between my bros but my parents were always there to mediate.

The one I remember and feel guilt and regret about is when I made my brother play with my friends and I when we were in after school care and I would have him chase us and we would pretend he had mad cow disease cuz he was known to have a bad temper then.

It was fun then. I felt like we were playing together. I didn’t think anything was wrong. Then he didn’t want to do it anymore. I can’t remember what happened but when I thought about this incident a decade later I realised what it was and how he might have felt. But then I simply did not feel that way. Waa it ignorance? Was it plain neglect? Or was it that I was not taught to feel for others? Or think about other people’s feelings? Or maybe not taught, but I simply did not have the empathy in me. I don’t know.

But one thing my parents did that I hope I won’t if I ever do procreate was cane me for supposed lack of responsibility over my brothers. Things they thought I should do, roles they thought I should assume because I was the oldest. Things my brothers did I was accountable for because I should have stopped them. I should have known better.

Well I didn’t. And I didn’t want that responsibility. I didn’t ask to be born first.

I actually think this is a reason I shy from responsibilities and leadership roles.

Even if my teachers think I’m responsible ha.ha.

Then in primary school I said stuff that were rather mean to two guys. I didn’t think before I talked and they sounded fine in my head but when it came out it was just all wrong. For one guy I just didn’t read the situation well and blabbed something insensitive. The other guy I was trying to say something encouraging and seem like I looked up to him but when it came out it just became mean and demeaning. My friends who were with me immediately told me that it was bad when we were out the classroom and when I looked back I realised how bad it sounded and how far off it was from what I meant. But who cares what I meant if I don’t bring it across. I thought about apologising and explaining myself but I never got the guts to so I still feel the guilt now and if the guy remembers he’ll think I’m a stuck up bitch for the rest of his life.

What I’m trying to say is, every time I read news or watch videos of bullying I always wish hell upon the bully. Especially when they’re just so exceptionally mean. But when I take a step back, like koe no katachi, what if the kid really has no idea? Taking a look at myself, I don’t consider myself a bully but I did actually bully people. My parents aren’t bad parents. I didn’t intend it. But I did bully people. And sometimes all we see is the terrible terrible consequence of bullying. And for some reason kids can be really really mean and unforgiving. We blame society, we blame their parents, we wish hell on them but what if they truly had no idea? No one told them? No one taught them?

Of course for kids who deliberately bully and know it’s wrong and shit really should go to hell especially if they never learn.

But koe no katachi is really special in the sense that we see that this boy really had no idea? In his childish mind he just saw things in black and white. It didn’t dawn on him till he became bullied. Until empathy was forced on him.

I’m not trying to sugarcoat the problem of bullying though, I’m just trying to see this from every possible side. Especially since I personally relate to this. All the episodes I recalled are my cringe moments. Moments I regret, I wish I could change. But if I were honest, I don’t think I could. Because when I was young we all knew bullying was bad. But the actual definition was iffy and you may think it’s ok but others may not. You may be able to take it but some other person may not.

I had a friend who would call me by my surname and I started calling her by hers after a while as payback but for some reason I added a “stupid” in front of it.

I thought it was ok cuz I didn’t mean it in its literal sense and I thought I was being affectionate. Until mutual friends told me it wasn’t very nice and I stopped.

I don’t think I was a very nice person. I probably am not one now. But I’ll only have my verdict once I gain more insight in the future and future me can analyse my current self like current self does with my past self.

We always have moments we want to change. If I had known - but I didn’t. If I could have phrased myself better - but my brain just chose to fart that day.

I’m just so angry cuz of this ignorance. The pain it causes people. And the pain it causes me now, knowing I caused pain in others.

Maybe the parents of those kids really thought they were just harmless pranks. Maybe they believe that it’s part of childhood to be deliberately induced to tears on a regular basis for laughs. Or be wrestled to tears and tell your parents you hate them for making you feel like this for a joke.

Ok sorry I really can’t sympathise with the parents I’m just so angry. The worst thing is that they probably get their positive reinforcement from the comments of people worldwide whom I hope never have children.

People just suck don’t they?

Contemplation about mankind just makes me so angry and sad I should have never started.

Any sane person who saw those clips of the boy crying would think it’s wrong. They tell him to take a joke. That he’s the only one in the household who can’t take a joke. Well if my parents screamed at me daily for something I never did until I cried or made my siblings beat me up for cheap laughs on youtube and then tell me while looking into my tearful eyes that it’s just a prank, I would never trust them again. And then some.

Call me sensitive or a prude or someone who can’t take a joke but even the Halloween prank where parents pretend or even actually finish their child’s candy and wait to see their child cry is just terrible imo.

Why would you want to see your kid cry?

Why would you want your kid to doubt your words?

Especially at that age when they think you’re absolute. That you’re the perfect being. Well of course you aren’t but why are you deliberately trying to show them that lying for the sake of laughs is ok. Especially at the age where they think that their candy, something that they can call their own, is probably their entire world. Even if you think they’re replaceable and cheap. I mean I know how it feels because I’ve been through that. When I look back I realise how insignificant it is. How replaceable candy is or anything else is. That it’s nothing to cry over. But then it meant the world. The kids might not remember it. But what if they do. What if they take away a lesson that you didn’t mean to teach. Maybe they’ll do it in school next time. Take away their classmates’ lunch because their parents did so and said it was a prank.

Ok slippery slope maybe but is it really?

Idk where this post is going anymore but I was just so overwhelmed. So sad. So angry.

I hate that I actually did those things. I wish I was more self-aware at an earlier age. But unlike koe no katachi I don’t have the guts to make it right. They probably don’t even remember but even if they do should i purposely bring it up and cause them more pain?

Thinking about this just brought me to justice. Is an eye for an eye really the best way to go? Every time I get overwhelmed and angry about a crime or a terrible incident a human being did to another human being, or even living thing, I would wish the same thing happened to them. Or worse.

But then a terrible thought came to me. And it just made me cry because those people have a family too. Those people have people that love them too. And if those people have truly felt remorse, punishing them will probably not ease their guilt (can you truly pay for your crimes? As if you’re buying something, can you really be free after?). The victim and their family may feel better (but will they really? Of course there’s the whole other purpose of preventing further incidents if punishment makes them learn or just makes it impossible for them to do it again) But what about the ‘criminal’s’ family…what about them? What about the hurt to them? Who’s going to take responsibility? The criminal? Who’s going to make them feel better? Do they deserve it?

I just…why can’t everyone be aware. Be more aware. Why can’t I be more aware. When will I stop hurting people unintentionally. Will I do it in the future because I fail to think ahead? To think about other people in that moment in time.

This is why I need to avoid such topics.

Why am I so emotional I think my period is coming.

Nothing good is gonna come from me being sad. And there’s nothing to cure ignorance in the world even with the Internet.

Sometimes I wish I can unread things.

Undo things.

But no matter how many times I do it. I know it’ll be the same. Because the decisions I made is just how my brain works. It’s just how I am. And I can’t change who I was in the past without losing who I am. Not that anyone can change the past. What I mean is that harping on the past won’t help. Learning from it is good but just harping is useless. And all I can do is live with the guilt and make myself better. Maybe when I get the guts I can set things straight but why dredge up old and painful memories? It’s not like it will lessen your guilt. Live with it it’s your punishment.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t apologize for what they did wrong though I mean I shouldn’t need to keep putting disclaimers if you actually understand what I’m trying to say.

Sigh.

Why did I do this. Idk I don’t think there’s enough beauty in this world to counter the ugliness.

Like the strange concept of if there’s good there has to be evil or vice versa.

What if there are no poles? Is it really that bad?

Why should people suffer so others can enjoy happiness.

If happiness cannot exist without suffering cuz there always has to be a counterbalance then…

I’m going into communism and total dictatorship haha and we all know how that turns out.

Sigh ok time to stop rant over.