#explanation for my followers who don't play StS:

[crowns-of-violets-and-roses]

I've had bottled apotheosis and apotheosis plus fusion hammer before but this is the first time I've had all three together.

[tommyssupercoolblog]

IM SORRY THIS ISNT MEANT TO BE AGGRESSIVE i have not been on this part of the internet in a long time so things might have changed but.... last i heard the proship label encompassed things (in fiction) like inc/st, abusive relationships, p/do shit, etc... is that still correct? idk if thats what you were talking about in your tags because i do not know Anything about minecraft youtubers but usually when people put proship in their dni theyre denouncing that stuff. just wanted to clarify im understanding your complaints, no harm intended!

No problem!! it can be confusing lol, nothing wrong with being unsure. All-in-all, you're kinda close with that idea, but still not on target. explanations of proship vs anti, the d/mp fandom's take on it, and my thoughts on it all under the cut:

So proship as a philosophy is about wether or not things like that (in fiction) translate to real life, which is why it's connected to censorship like i mentioned in the post- if you believe that watching or reading something problematic will make more problematic things happen, that someone reading a book with a child/adult relationship makes them more likely to (or is on it's own already the same as) a person pursuing that in real life, that makes you an anti; and it also gives you a big reason to push for works like that being taken down or removed, and for people who make or read that stuff to be put in real prisons or face other real life consequences for fictional acts- because the idea is that, to an anti, these things bleed into each other.

being proship isn't equivalent to enjoying dark fiction like that, but it IS equivalent to believing that, similar to fictional violence, fictional crimes or acts of any kind can be created and consumed by artists and audiences without people actually condoning it IRL. a proshipper would say that if someone plays a video game where they murder someone, and then does it IRL, thats on the PERSON, not the media- and they hold the same position for fictional portrayals of incest, abusive relationships, and pedophilic relationships. the name comes from being pro- as in for- ships, and other content, as a whole; without it having to meet IRL moral criteria.

dark fiction freaks me out personally; the biggest ick (and actually a trigger for me) being incest; It bothers me and i stay away from it. but I don't think that people who read or make it are going to condone it IRL directly because of that media, and I believe that if they WERE to do something bad like abusing someone, it'd be an unrelated/seperate issue: an independent choice that only they are responsible for, not anything they made or watched or read.

That makes me fall under proship, even though I don't like any problematic (as in incest, abuse, adult/minor) ships. Personally, I literally follow people who like things that bother me in that way: i just block the tags so when they post something i really don't wanna see, tumblr tells me, hey, this post has this thing in it so we've spoilered it. If someone likes shipping their silly little blorbos and those silly little blorbos are kinda fucked up in a way that makes their brain go brrr, that's totally chill with me as long as they aren't hurting anyone- which, because i don't think fiction equates to reality, I believe they aren't when they're playing with their blorbos. (and since i'm pro-rpf, it's worth mentioning i feel the same about that. rpf is still FICTION, at the end of the day. you don't actually expect those people to do the things you write or draw. it's still removed from reality. that's personal preference though, many proshippers would disagree.)

So basically proship or Anti is a label that represents your philosophy on how human thoughts and behavior link to fiction. anti means you believe that consuming something fictional is equivalent to doing it in real life, or at least will make you do it IRL later, while proship means you believe that consuming something fictional is unrelated to doing it IRL, and you can enjoy something fictionally without actually enjoying it or condoning it when it's real people.

you will, of course, see more people who enjoy dark fiction under proship, and that's because they themselves consume it- so of course they're going to say it's not the same as doing it IRL. You will also, of course, see more people who don't like dark fiction at all under anti, because when you're disgusted by something like that then that reaction can be taken as "evidence" that it's morally bad. (personally, disgust-based morality doesn't hold up as a concept for me- it's a big reason why bigots believe the things they do, so using the same logic path makes me uncomfortable, but it is still common for people to use it as a way to measure wether something is okay or not.)

so, the part about silly block game.

there's lots of censoring in this part to avoid harassment, so bear with me.

In the early days of the d/mp, people decided that creating romantic content around the b-nchtr-o (Tmmy, tvbb0, and rnb00, who were all around 16 at the time) was inherently problematic. I'm not sure why, exactly, but the idea became that a fan crushing on one of them (at the exact same age!!!) or shipping them with each other, even as characters, was equivalent to being a real life child predator. again, even if the person doing it was ALSO a minor.

because it was seen as inherently problematic, behaviors like those were lumped in with other things problematic- shipping characters on the smp who had fought or killed each other, shipping characters who were related or were minor/adult, etc. there was no distinction; i was there!! it was all problematic, and all of it was seen as evidence that you were a real life predator of some kind regardless of age or disclaimers put under your content.

the label that developed for this group of "problematic content" enjoyers within the fandom became "poppytwt" or "ppytwt". (twt being there because it was mainly localized around twitter). as i explained above, because it could be because of dark fiction OR be//htr/o content, poppytwt content and ships doesn't even require it being dark fiction necessarily, nor does it require it being b//chtr/o; just one or the other, although usually the assumption is that it's both, since that combines the two reasons for being under that label. some people also call any proshippers in the fandom poppy even if they don't engage in anything problematic in-fandom, but that's generally the antis and not people themselves. if someone self describes as poppy, it's for the two main reasons above.

Additionally, the d/mp fandom has this concept of "maintagging". what this means is that if you make problematic content, you are NOT ALLOWED to tag it under the fandoms or characters it's about, because people don't want to see it in their results. ao3 has a tag filtering feature for this exact purpose, but people generally disregaurd that; you're still not supposed to tag it on the "main" tags, and doing so is seen almost like "asking for" harassment, like how some people talk about wearing crop tops alone at night.

Tntd/o managed to cross over, actually, from poppy to main/normalized in the fandom as the creators leaned into it with their characters. but for awhile even that was considered poppy.

different members of ppytwt have different opinions on RPF, but RPF was also considered poppy on it's own sometimes depending on who you were talking to and how militant they were on what got a pass and what didn't.

as be/chtr/o aged....it didn't stop?? all of them hit 18, but still, to this day, you can be cancelled for shipping them with each other or ANYONE else. it's why i'm so damn scared of the d/mp fandom, if i tagged a fic about my source with his character tag, with ANYTHING other than platonic relationships for him/me, I run the risk of being sent threats or doxxed- don't get me wrong, many antis keep to themselves, but there are also those who try to play vigilante- remember, if something fictional is equivalent to IRL, then attacking someone for enjoying a "bad" fictional thing becomes a charitable, heroic act; so sometimes antis might pursue proshippers with the goal of keeping people "safe". Many people in related fandoms or under the same creators also adopted the same ideals handed down from the d/mp fandom, so i'm wary of people who just watch my source too, or of people who like the q/mp.

people joke about the old fandom going crazy if they say tvbb0 and tmmy today, and that's because they would. they'd be furious at tmmy for doing this bit and putting himself in danger, they'd be cancelling anyone who ran with the bit in chat or had a photo of them hugging or kissing like in the music video as a profile picture, it'd be a whole mess. even today though it's still...scary.

((paused there to take a strawberry milk break, im back now))

the somewhat exception to this rule is Rnb00- people literally thirst for them and make nsfw comments openly, so while im not sure about the shipping aspect, i do know simping is widely okay- you couldn't even say you wanted to kiss them before, but now people are saying wayyy more than that...

inversely, i feel like my source has it the worst, because people won't even talk about him- or anything related to him- as an adult. it's always child this and child that, "who let him drink" and "get the alcohol away from the baby!", and of couse "don't ship him or his character with anyone that makes you a pedophile!!!" while the grown ass man they're talking about outright says he's alright with sfw fanfiction in a video where he reacts to someone's x-reader and then makes flirty nsfw jokes with every other adult man in the vicinity. every fanfic is platonic and almost all of them both irl and in game write him as sixteen. they take place in the past or, more commonly, they just straight up age him down. hell, sometimes they even age him down to like eight. even in fics where he IS an adult, he gets called a child or a teenager but never an adult.

poppytwt, like the stigma against writing for the creators or their characters, lives on. and even outside of benchtrio, again, ships between other characters that are problematic are poppytwt, so that also is still clinging on for dear life in some corners of the web. most poppytwt posts that are tagged as such usually include b//chtr/o, but not all of them; and it's worth noting many creators avoid tagging at all even if it's just the poppytwt tag, because they don't want to get swarmed.

because I ship myself with my husband of course, and also make fictional content with our sources as an extension of that (think dungeons and dragons but the character is just you...or, actually, SMPs are a great example of this since the appearance/name is generally the same, so think like an SMP!!!!!) I am poppytwt. I will always be poppytwt to most people who don't like poppytwt. and I have friends who are poppytwt and I like art made by people under poppytwt. I don't need to ship incest to be a part of that, i just need to not think the people who do aren't doing anything harmful when they ship that, and to write/draw....well, anything about septicinnit, which i do all the time.

if someone has poppytwt dni in their bio, i can't interact. if someone has proship dni in their bio, i can't interact. it doesn't matter if what they really mean is "people who like abusive ships because that triggers me", I still can't interact.

Because i think we SHOULD be tagging our content exactly so that we can filter it and find what we personally enjoy (and avoid what we dont), the concept of a DNI is technically something i'm kinda for- it is a way of monitoring and controlling your experience- but it also can be used as an excuse to harass people who forgot to read it, and i have no way of knowing if that's the case in advance.

ADITTIONALLY, because I know and care about people who consume dark fiction, I also don't want to be around people who think that makes them a bad person, regaurdless of wether or not they think i can stay. and "proship dni" is about proship, that fiction isn't reality philosophy- they are saying right out of the gate that they think it DOES make them a bad person. and I don't agree with that. it frustrates me and it makes me upset. those DNIs are based in a place of disgust and hatred for the people I care about, because of content that isn't real, and i'm never going to feel super okay with that...

there's people who don't understand what it means and use it anyway when it's really just about the content; but again, how am i supposed to know which is which?? ESPECIALLY on twitter, the anti philosophy is extremely popular and relevant and yes, trendy. people believe it, HARD, and so i can't assume they don't when they say they do. I've met real flesh and blood people in person who think that way, so if you are using these words, i'm assuming you know what they mean- that way I don't run the risk of making an actual anti upset and violating their boundaries.

you don't have to agree with me on this- if you're anti, then that's your worldview and i'm not going to change that. but that's what those words mean, the history of the block game side of things, and how they're correlated to censorship.

To Summarize:

Anti : Fiction Equals Reality so Fictional Crimes are Real Crimes (ergo we should censor them to stop the crimes)

Proship: Fiction does NOT Equal Reality so Fictional Crimes are Harmless (on their own)

Anti-Anti: Not sure if Fictional Crimes are Harmless, but Don't Like that Antis think Proshippers are The Exact Same Level as IRL Criminals

Poppytwt/ppytwt: Problematic silly block game stuff, OR things that have to do with these three specific block people being hot/dating someone. Sometimes both.

[chirpsythismorning]

Rick Conroy's Recent Rentals:

Romancing the Stone (1/2/3)

As a refresher, this is a shot from 4x02: Vecna's Curse. Robin, Max, Dustin and Steve are using the Family Video's database to look through the most recent rentals of all the Ricks in town as hints for which one Reefer Rick is, so that they can find his address to track down Eddie.

Unfortunately for them, the selection here for this specific Rick didn't give off 'reefer' vibes and so they moved onto the next one. Luckily for us, the Duffers are nerds and this could be important.

While there are several Rick's they skim through, this one in particular had me intrigued. And so I will be analyzing these films, as well as whether or not they could have been inspiration for s4 or whether they may even be predicting events still yet to happen in s5.

3. Romancing the Stone (1984)

The plot of Romancing the Stone revolves around an American Romance/Adventure novelist, Joan Wilder, who has to travel to Colombia to save her sister. While there, she gets stranded in the jungle, though 'luckily' she runs into an American exotic bird smuggler, Jack T. Colton, who has a lot of experience in said jungle and whose basically her only hope in finding and saving her sister.

What makes this movie probably the most interesting out of the three, is that it's directed by Rob Zemeckis. If you don't know, Zemeckis also directed Back to the Future (1985).

In fact, if you look close, you'll see an interesting parallel that makes my explanation for this analysis a whole lot easier to transition into.

Basically, Zemeckis revealed later in life that the success from his film Romancing the Stone was what allowed him to make Back to the Future in the first place.

And so this just makes this iconic Marty McFly outfit kind of hilarious when you realize it's actually paying homage to another character.

Which means that this....

Could also mean this...

Not only do the costumes check out in terms of us being able to potentially associate Will with this character Jack, but the actual context of the story also makes it hard not to.

Jack is framed as someone who has way more knowledge and experience within this jungle in comparison to the protagonist, Joan, whose only ever explored adventures in her writing, not in reality.

Remind you of anyone?

Basically, I think that the reference to this film could be hinting at Mike and Will in the upside down together.

We know there have been a lot of hints leading up to that potentially in s5, though right now we don't know what it will for sure look like (whose going first? Mike or Will?), it's very likely to happen in some shape or form.

I do think that this film could act as a simple reference just like Sixteen Candles, with the meaning linked to ST being easy to spot and point out, Ie. Jack/Joan represent Will/Mike.

The main thing in this film that I think is an undeniable parallel, is this mention of a treasure map that Joan is planning to use as ransom to get back her sister. This map is labeled in big block letters with 'El Corazon' AKA the heart.

I obviously don't think we're going to be dealing with any lost treasure in ST like we see in this film, just like I don't think all the Lord of the Rings homage means we're going to see Will destroy a ring.

We're talking about both basic and complex parallels here, happening with hundreds of films/series at once, at different levels, and how the Duffers manage to make all of that fit organically to create a unique story on its own.

We all know how the heart plays a big role in s4 and what is likely to follow in s5 (the painting!!!). I do think this homage could be quite simple, but it could also be deeper because, again I am not satisfied with simple, as some of you probably know by now.

I also want to try to come to a close with this little 3 part series, which is easy to do because in regards to Will's character, it does feel like a sort of arc that could definitely play out going into the final season:

Sixteen Candles --> birthdagate

Teen Wolf --> memorygate/twelvegate

Romancing the Stone --> apocalypse-byler

My working theory rn is that Will is going to be in danger right at the start of s5, which we already saw foreshadowed at the very end of s4. There is this unspoken understanding that Will's connection to Vecna could mean bad things to come for Will, maybe even that destroying Vecna once in for all could also affect (kill) Will.

It's likely there is going to be discussion about the option of using Will's connection to find Vecna, and everyone sort of predictably being against it, bc of that unspoken understanding this could end very badly for him. But it's also possible that Will would be willing to do what he has to, even if it means putting himself in danger, especially if it means saving everyone. And simultaneously it would make sense for him to leave out all the details about his connection to Vecna as it starts to get worse, all while conflict between him and El and Mike is coming to a head, where Vecna is showing him things that are bringing him to a really low point, ie. everyone forgot your birthday, your friends/family don't love you, yada yada.

Then I think something is going to happen that is going to cause Will to be separated from everyone again... However, I don't think this going to last for more than one-two episodes. And it's likely we would see what he's up to in that time. This would make it parallel to s1 to an extent, but not to the extreme that we never see Will during that time or that he's separated for the course of the entire season. Just enough that it feels like deja vu basically.

And yes I do think it's possible Will has time powers. Though I don't want to make any crazy claims... I'm going to.

Basically, I think that Vecna would greatly benefit from making Will feel like it was better that he was never found in the first place (I feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods). And so what he's doing by bringing Will to this low point of hopelessness, is whats going to lead Will to essentially reverse him being found after going missing... That could benefit Vecna greatly presumably. Could it possibly even have the capacity to act as a reset for him of sorts? Maybe. And also, couldn't Vecna play this up to Will as him being able to save everyone and let them be happy, without him, bc he's at a point where he's made himself believe that he deserves it (FUCKING CRYING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT)

And so time passes (A TIME JUMP). Maybe it takes us to the 5 year anniversary since Will's disappearance (1+ years of our Will stuck in the upside down)... But something isn't right, something is missing. Something's wrong. And I think that we would see the characters figuring it out fairly quickly after the time jump is presented to us (anniversary affect). I think Mike in particular could figure it out first even (along with Joyce and Jonathan, hence the s5 foreshadowing intended with this promo), making him a quick target of Vecna, also contributing to him joining Will in the upside down fairly early on, post time-jump (also post Mike's boyliker realization, but Will won't know that...).

This is just a theory! But it does have a lot of interesting things surrounding it that make it at least plausible to me.

First of all, it reminds me so much of s2 and the whole Zombie boy arc with Will. He was in the upside down for a week and got dubbed that nickname. And yet now it makes me wonder if that could have been hinting at something more prominent still to come related to Will and his arc (we know he has this tendency to predict things with his art...).

This also ties into the whole controversy surrounding Will using a gun in s5. There's been this talk forever, how it doesn't make sense for Will to ever use a gun bc that's not like his character at all, as he's been shown to be quite scared and so it doesn't make sense for him to suddenly be comfortable with using a gun in a high stress situation.

However, what makes this sort of ironic to me is the literal narrative principle, Chekgov's gun, which states that every element in a story must be necessary, and irrelevant elements should be removed. Alternatively-explained, suppose a writer features a gun in a story; if the writer features it, there must be a reason for it, such as it being fired sometime later in the plot.

Remind you of anyone?

This means that starting the story from the very beginning with Will knowing how to use a gun and trying to protect himself with it, but failing to do so, followed by four seasons of him being scared frozen in situations of confrontation... Means that the gun is bound to go off!

Will using a gun in s5 in this scenario would also be supported by Will going through quite a transformation after being in upside down circumstances for 1+ years...

Quite frankly, I don't think it make sense for Will to be this character that is known for freezing and being powerless the entire series, all the way up until the very end. It makes a lot more sense that this final time around, after seeing that for 4 straight seasons, we are going to see a big change in him, which tends to happen to people that go through traumatic experiences and yet still manage to adapt and survive.

Will after 1+ years in the upside down probably knows how to shoot a gun and probably is more sure of himself and less skitish than s1-4 Will.

Also, this provides a lot of character development that Noah gets to have the affordance of exploring as an actor. Like, let's give Noah some wiggle room here to show off what he's capable of for Will's character, which is so much! We know Noah jokes about wanting Will to suffer immensely because it's fun for him to play and act out, but more than anything it's also challenging in a good way. And this would really test the limits of Noah's abilities, which is why I do think it would be a wise choice narratively to make his characters evolution well rounded for the overall story.

Will going from what we expect him to always be like, to being something thats much the same in the important ways (he's still Will obviously), while also being different (see what i did there) as a result of him facing all of his fears in order to survive.

And it also makes the official battle in the end, of him finally facing Vecna off, alongside El and the party, that much more satisfying and believable as an outcome. Because by that point he will be ready, just like they'll all be ready after having finally come together despite everything.

This theory also reminds me a lot of Verse 3 in Time After Time, which is the only verse left out of the scene in 2x09 at the snowball....

There has been speculation these lyrics could be foreshadowing what's to come, and so it is interesing to think about this, with all these other theories related to Will's upcoming arc:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Stranger Things Netflix (@strangerthingstv)

It's giving Sixteen Candles meets Teen Wolf meets Romancing the Stone (also Mike running out of time crumbs! go off I guess!!)

Also, I just like to think that this reference specifically to Romancing the Stone confirms not only apocalypse-byler, AND Will Byers with a gun but also ponytail-Mike in s5???..

Oh and maybe even the highly anticipated Murray & byler confrontation, bc why not...

AGAIN this is just a theory. Don't come at me! Make your own crack theories it's fun and we can all go crazy together!

Honestly I hope I'm wrong bc I would love to be surprised (I can't wait to be surprised regardless).

And yet that wont stop me from trying to figure it out with what they're willing to give us in the mean time!

Until next time (ST5 inspo board, here we come)!

[spacepopechilitheninth]

How The Hotdaga and Puppet History are connected through an obscure rock opera that came out in 2005: A Theory

this is true in my heart. has shane madej ever professed any interest in Ludo? maybe not, but neither did I until the mania set in a few weeks ago. let's dive in:

CHAPTER INDEX

Broken Bride

The Hotdaga

Puppet History

The Narrative

A Morning in May

PART ONE: BROKEN BRIDE

Broken Bride is a 2005 EP rock opera by the St. Louis based band Ludo. It was written by Andrew Volpe (loml) and one song was co-written by Tim Ferrell. I don't expect the individuals reading this to sit through the half hour it takes to complete it, but if you find the time and interest I HIGHLY encourage you because it is a wonderful piece of art and storytelling.

The story focuses around a main character- a time traveler- who gets lost in time while trying to prevent his wife's death in a car accident in 1989. It begins with him stuck in the age of the dinosaurs, and continues with him stuck in an apocalyptic future.

Sound familiar?

PART TWO: THE HOTDAGA

If you're reading this now, then you'll surely already know the timeless tale of the HotDaga- with the plot-heavy later seasons focusing around the story of a young holographic corn getting lost in space on her journey to prevent her wife's death in a volcano on their wedding day.

The highly "futuristic" elements of the show- the space travel, the chrome aesthetics, the Risky Fixin's lyrics being laser engraved on the moon, etc- suggest it taking place in a more futuristic setting.

Now, the primary "antagonist" of Broken Bride is the bringer of the end of the world- The Red Dragon, a symbolic figure of the devil in the Book of Revelations. Now, don't we know anyone else who's red, powerful, has Christian symbolism, and is the bringer of the end of the universe?

That's right.

There are a few main parts to the future setting of Broken Bride:

The Red Dragon

The "followers"- zombies, and a "false prophet" king

The setting of a city, overtaken by zombie hordes and the dragon itself

Violent descriptions of war

The Lamb- the Savior, the time traveler

And There are a few main parts of the latter half of the HotDaga:

Space Pope Chili IX

Pam and Baby Brandon + Chili Pirates, and Joblet- the leader of the Plupples who's allegiance to Chili IX isn't revealed until later (false prophet, anyone?)

The urban environment- the O-Nion Space Station, which is later destroyed by Chili XI

The backdrop of the chili wars

Maizie's quest to save her wife

See my point yet?

PART THREE: PUPPET HISTORY

"But wait," you say. "What about the beginning of Broken Bride? There are no dinosaurs in The HotDaga!"

And you're right. There aren't. But if there's anything Shane is good at, it's playing the long con. Seemingly separated, Puppet History and the HotDaga are two very odd pieces of media with nothing in common. But under the guise of an inspired mix of elements from Broken Bride?... That's a full story.

As we're all familiar with, the last season of Puppet History concluded with the Professor TIME TRAVELING (though against his will) back to the AGE OF THE DINOSAURS.

EVEN THE FIRST THING WE SEE IS A SUBTLE BROKEN BRIDE REFERENCE. YOU WHAT IT IS? A PTERODACTYL. YOU KNOW WHAT THE CREATURE ASSOCIATED WITH BROKEN BRIDE IS? THAT'S RIGHT.

Anyways, long story short, the Professor gets eaten.

This, however, is not the true ending, as he inexplicably survives and makes it back to the present period without any current explanation.

Or does he?

PART FOUR: THE NARRATIVE

"So," you say. "If this is all some long elaborate plot played out by Shane, how is it all connected?"

My friend, I will tell you exactly that.

If we look at the timeline of Broken Bride, we can assume the events of the HotDaga and Puppet History are happening simultaneously, though millions of years apart through time travel.

The Professor is sent back to the age of the dinosaurs- Maizie and the gang are set in the future with the intention of traveling back to the past.

Now, if we follow the correct order of events, once Maizie and Pam jump through the wormhole they will accidentally wind up in the prehistoric age, where they cross paths with the Professor. The pair will stumble across each other and agree to help each other back to their respective times.

But, as we all know, that doesn't quite work out.

The three will jump forward to the apocalyptic future from which Maizie and Pam came, but some time after. Space Pope Chili IX will have ravaged the universe, leaving only a small part of the O-Nion Space Station to try and defend themselves against the rabid hoards of food zombies.

Somewhere along the way, the group gets split up and the Professor and Pam are lost.

PART FIVE: A MORNING IN MAY

Broken Bride ends with the "lamb's" accidental victory, and he is greeted by angels who grant him one wish. His only request is to see his wife one last time on the day she died, during which he decides to come with her on her fatal car ride so they can pass together.

I believe this is the bittersweet ending Maizie will find.

I know what you're asking- "What about the others? How is Puppet History happening in the present?"

Well, that's simple- The Professor isn't actually The Professor, but a WITCH HOLOGRAM concocted by Pam as she barely manages to scrape together a makeshift time machine to escape to the present.

How, you ask? Well, let's say, this machine needed a special kind of mineral... one that is only mined on Tomat-0... one that lives in the eyebrow hairs of a certain blue peach...

"But wait, isn't Joblet dead?"

You poor fool. That's what Shane WANTS you to think. Joblet is a treacherous, disgusting little creature who could worm his way out of anything. OF COURSE he's still alive.

He strikes up a deal with Pam to jump back in time to avoid an inevitable death, and the two miraculously end up in our present- but as sentient food aliens and hot dog witches don't exist (yet??) they have to come up with a cover.

So tell me, dear followers, who would a time traveling hot dog witch and a treacherous blue creature choose to impersonate? Who would the literal false prophet choose to impersonate?

That's right. Joblet and Pam are the Professor, and the real Professor is lost in the future, fighting Space Pope Chili the Ninth alongside Maizie.

This is where the story deviates from Broken Bride canon, since the ending only focuses on the time traveler, but Shane knows EXACTLY what he's doing here. The HotDaga conclusion was already written by Andrew Francis Volpe almost twenty years ago. Shane is about to write the conclusion of Puppet History now.

You Agree. You Agree With My Ludo Theory.

[silverhallow]

🎭Fortunes Fool🎭

Chapter 1: "Did my heart love till now? Foreswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

⭐️Masterlist⭐️

Prev | Next

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x Sophie Beckett

Chapter summary: Romeo and Juliet’s first kiss changes a lot of things…

Warnings: none just some snogging

Word count: 3330

Growing up in the same neighbourhood as Kate Sharma and Sophie Beckett, he'd known them from a distance since they were both knee-high to a grasshopper. But he couldn't remember a single time when the two of them were not together.

If either of them had been in the least bit plain, they would have drawn snide comments from other school children about their sexuality, there was no doubt it and they would have perhaps even earned nicknames suggesting that their closeness went beyond mere friendship.

But they were far from plain – Kate was stunningly beautiful with her long dark hair and big brown eyes, a few sweet freckles on her perfect face; Sophie with her long mousy hair, a little more demure than her friend but just as attractive. As a result – and the fact that their parents lived on the wealthy side of town - the two girls were the centre of the popular group in school, dating the guys on the sports teams, but they always went on double dates, and always had someone to open doors for them. Where one girl went, the other surely followed.

Benedict had watched them grow up, turning into stunning young women, and naturally he had daydreamed about being with them… well Sophie really. Benedict wasn't a sports boy, though. He wasn't part of the smart crowd like his twin brother, he was arty. And although his parents were rich enough for them to attend the prestigious St James’ Academy, they couldn’t really afford designer outfits like the rest of the school, given they had 8 kids. He wouldn't have said he was particularly ugly. He was just in that grey middle ground where most kids hang out in school, under the sign that reads "nothing special". He blended into the background and it was just the way he liked it.

Things changed when he scored the lead in the school play in that final year before he was going to go to Oxford University.

The surprise wasn't so much that he got the lead - Romeo, the star-crossed Montague of Verona – he had had some major parts in school plays before and had diligently worked at his acting through his years at school.

The surprise was that Sophie Beckett won the part of Juliet – it was a bit surprising she'd auditioned at all. Kate had auditioned too, but she didn't cut the mustard as an actress. The only explanation for their taking interest in the school play was that it was getting towards the end of their A-Levels, and they were obviously concerned about having something on their CV and Uni applications in the 'interests' section.

"What d'you mean it's no big deal?" Anthony's eyes were about as wide as the saucers when Benedict told him who was to be his Juliet.

Benedict shrugged, "It's just the school play."

"Yeah, you idiot, don't you see? You get to make out with Sophie Beckett, the girl you’ve been drooling after for years! Have you ever seen the movie?”

Anthony was his twin brother, older than he was by all of 5 minutes but he was a brain box with your classic nerdy glasses, he had girlfriends in the past but most people couldn’t see past the glass and his intelligence, but Anthony was a secret lothario but mostly with the girls at another school.

They were walking towards the first read through – Anthony was the only other person Benedict knew to have been given a part, in this case the Friar, which was almost good casting. He had no idea why Anthony hadn’t gotten Romeo but it felt more appropriate for his brother to get that role than him but he wasn’t going to argue with the teacher.

Benedict dismissed his brother’s drooling comment, he said: "I only get to kiss her once, and it's not like we're going to practise. And – it'll all be on stage, in front of everyone. Including her boyfriend."

Anthony laughed, "You should slip her some tongue. Especially if that ape John is watching."

The girls were just a mystery to Benedict: he was eighteen and had never been close to one before. They looked so beautiful, they smelled so sweet, their laughter was music to the soul and their smiles could melt his heart in a moment. But he was always sure he wasn't good enough for them. Especially ones as beautiful and aloof as Sophie. He wasn't a sports star, after all, and apart from the folks that returned again and again to perform in school plays, he wouldn't have said anyone considered him popular.

So it was quite strange to find himself kissing her – even if it was just for the play.

For a while, they just read through the lines. There were long, gruelling practices and even longer, more gruelling hours of line-learning. Benedict had always been pretty good at learning his lines, but it was still the hardest part of a major production. Then, at last, they hit the stage and began to work on the actual performance.

After a couple of weeks, Benedict found to his surprise that he was quite comfortable around Sophie. She was beautiful, she was one of what he assumed was the unapproachable clique, but because of their close involvement in the play, he found he could forget about her beauty and previous aloofness, and just see her as another performer.

They were just two performers putting on a show, and though Kate came to watch every rehearsal, after a few practices, Sophie seemed to lose that sheen of cliquey aloofness and for the hour or two of each session, seemed almost to join with the performers' own loose-knit group and Benedict really enjoyed chatting to her. She was intelligent and her laugh made his insides squirm.

Then things stepped up a gear. They were practising the scene in which Romeo and Juliet kissed for the first time. The play director, Mr Granville, took them through it, showing them where they should be on stage, how the characters would be thinking, acting, and so on. He didn't seem fussed that his two lead performers would have to kiss.

They took it from the top, running through the scene with Benedict professing his love for Sophie – his mind completely on the lines, putting himself right in the shoes of Romeo himself. Then they came to the kiss and they both stopped, not really thinking that they'd actually have to kiss.

"Hey, why have you stopped?" Mr Granville yelled. "Keep going! Benedict, kiss her for God's sake. You two are supposed to be lovers!"

The two of them paused for a moment as it sank in. Benedict looked at Sophie, beautiful Sophie, and a burning ache erupted inside his chest. Kiss her . He noticed a look of complete uncertainty pass over her pretty face as she looked at him. There was a snigger or two from some of the other performers as they watched. Including the dickhead that was his brother…

"Come on, let's go back to the previous page and take it from there," Mr Granville said. "And don't stop this time, imagine you are actually in love with each other."

They went back a page and Benedict tried to imagine he was Romeo, not Benedict, and that she was Juliet, not Sophie. Like jumping into a pool of ice cold water, he decided the best way to approach it was dive straight in, get the shock over quickly and move on.

He leaned into her, imagining they were in love, he looked into her beautiful green eyes and his lips touched against hers briefly. Her skin was so soft, so sweet, he could smell her delicate perfume, even if it was only for a moment. Then they continued with the next line.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Mr Granville broke in. "What was that? Have you two never kissed anybody before, or what? Come on, you're not supposed to be brother and sister, guys! Make me believe you're in love. This is all about believability. If the audience doesn't believe you're in love, they're not gonna care a dime when it comes to the tragedy at the end of the show."

They went back a page again, and this time when the kiss approached, Benedict tried to forget he was Benedict and she was Sophie. He tried to imagine he was someone that she would want to date and Sophie was his girlfriend. He leaned into her and really kissed her, tenderly, gently, tasting her lips and breathing in her sweet scent. And she kissed back, closing her eyes and moaning softly as he ran his fingers through her silky hair.

It seemed to go on forever, the most amazing kiss he'd ever had, stirring the warmth of arousal throughout his body. Her hand slipped around to the back of his head, pressing him to her, keeping the kiss going beyond what seemed necessary.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," Mr Granville said as they broke apart at last. "On with the show!"

Benedict noticed that there were no sniggers now, the other kids in the hall were silent. Looking into Sophie's beautiful eyes now, he saw a look of what could only be surprise, shock even. She seemed to be slightly flushed after the kiss, and she was looking completely astounded at him standing there in front of her. After a brief moment, she blushed and then quickly went on with her next line, putting the kiss behind her.

At the end of the rehearsal when Mr Granville called time, Sophie hurried from the stage, leaving Benedict to stand there scratching his head. And just before she hugged her friend and led her out of the hall, Kate Sharma flashed a strange glare at Benedict, as though warning him away from her friend.

"What was it like, what was it like?" Anthony demanded, as Benedict stood watching Sophie and Kate walking away.

"Incredible," he replied, his voice seeming far away.

"Damn, you two were really going at it – I can't believe she let you do that!"

"No," Benedict said. "I can't believe it, either."

The next day, Kate came up to him just before rehearsal got going, and she did not look happy.

"I don't know what you've done to dupe her into liking you," she said with pure venom in her voice, "but you'd better undo it fast, jerk, or you'll be sorry."

"Wh-what?" he stood there a little dazed, not quite knowing what she meant.

"Soph. If you don't back off, I'll tell John, and he'll beat you into a pulp. She’s been hurt enough! She doesn’t need you messing with her head!"

But Benedict wasn't concerned about the threat of John, and in his daze he didn't even worry about Kate's ferocious anger. His head was in the clouds, mulling over her first words to him there: I don't know what you've done to dupe her into liking you...

"What d'you mean she likes me?" he said, his insides burning with an intense mixture of excitement and uncertainty.

"God, ever since that kiss she's gone all gooey! God! Y ou geeks are so… urgh, typical geeks!” Kate said frustrated before storming off to where Sophie sat learning her lines.

Was this all part of some cynical ploy to humiliate him? Setting him up for a fall? Benedict looked over to where Sophie sat, seeing her with a new-found interest. So incredibly beautiful – how could she like him? It was ludicrous.

Up on stage, Mr Granville was getting everyone arranged for the opening scene. Benedict walked to the front of the auditorium, to sit next to Anthony on the front row on the opposite side to Kate and Sophie. Kate noticed him looking their way and flashed him an angry glare.

But then Sophie turned and saw him, and gave him a warm, pretty smile.

Damn.

Of course Benedict smiled back, but he turned away from her quickly as he felt the blush spreading across his face. His heart was pounding inside his chest, and he even found he was slightly breathless. But how could she like him? Maybe it was just a friend thing. Maybe Sophie had told Kate she thought Benedict was okay, not such a bad guy, not the "geek" the popular kids assumed that everyone outside their clique was.

But it was that word "gooey" that Kate had said that caused Benedict to burn inside: that surely meant something.

Then he was up on stage, and though Sophie was sometimes up there with him, with the lines flying thick and fast he had no opportunity to stop and think. But with Mr Granville aiming to put most of this early work into the more tricky and important scenes, they soon came to the kissing scene once again.

As Mr Granville got them going, Sophie looked at Benedict, and he thought he detected some fire in her green eyes. She grinned impishly, and he was forced to return the expression, without knowing why she was suddenly being nice to him.

And when the moment came, he was rather surprised to find that it was Sophie that leaned forward to kiss him this time, becoming the instigator of the move rather than the reluctant ice maiden.

She kissed him, and fireworks were going off all over the place. It was so incredible, so powerful, the softness of her lips, the sweet scent that filled his lungs, the warmth of her touch and the sweetness of it all. He never wanted it to end, it was the most incredible experience, his body was completely on fire, his cock hard as stone as they kissed so tenderly.

"Okay guys," Mr Granville said, "that's enough – we're not staging Nine and a Half Weeks here."

She broke apart from him, and as the two of them continued with their lines, he saw genuine delight in her face – she couldn't be that good an actress, surely. Not in her first major production.

Then the scene came to a close, and Mr Granville decided to go back to a scene with Benvolio, in which neither Romeo nor Juliet were present. Benedict wasn't involved and neither was Sophie, but as he walked off-stage to his surprise she accompanied him, and said furtively: "Where did you learn to kiss like that?"

A shot of heat shot through his heart. He gulped, and said: "Uh... well..."

"You're a really good kisser," she said, all warm smiles and so heart-stoppingly beautiful. "I'm sure stage kisses aren't usually like that."

And then Kate was there, taking Sophie away from him without even acknowledging his presence or existence. Figured…

Benedict's preconceptions about Sophie had been rocked – as much by her change in attitude towards him as by her kiss. The aloof picture formed over his school years had begun to tumble down, and goodness how he wanted it to. He wanted to be with her, breathing her in, kissing her and not stopping for anyone.

But was it really possible?

Lying awake at night, he thought about her pretty smile, and his cock was like a pillar of rock – so much so that he found it very difficult to get to sleep. The feelings running through him were so strong – wonder at the experience of kissing her, surprise at what she had said, bewilderment and a little dread at the attack from Kate Sharma. His biggest feeling was hope, hope that he could kiss her again like that, hope that it was more than just a stage kiss, more than just acting.

But the trouble was, the only time he could get alone with her – or at least, away from Kate – was up on stage, right in front of everyone. Otherwise, Sophie and Kate were inseparable.

All through school the next day, Benedict acted as though nothing was going on. He acted as usual in class, talking to his friends, his brother Anthony, the others, smiling and chatting as though everything was as it had always been. Anthony questioned him about his Juliet, but Benedict brushed it off easily.

His calm was put on. Under the surface, a million butterflies of pure uncertainty were fluttering around his insides. He couldn't stop thinking about Sophie, he really could not stop thinking about that last kiss, and he could not wait for that evening's rehearsal, to see her again, to kiss her again.

Yet when the time came, Benedict's hopes were dealt a crushing blow: Mr Granville said they'd nailed the more intimate scenes, where Romeo and Juliet kiss. They would spend the rest of the time until the dress rehearsals on some other scenes. There would be no more kissing of Sophie until the actual staging of the production.

He hid his disappointment well, but secretly he was mourning that he would have no excuse to get close to Sophie. And that idiot John was in the audience for this rehearsal, too – sitting next to Kate and her boyfriend as though he were a chaperone. He wondered if Kate had requested his presence or if he was feeling insecure about someone else kissing his girlfriend.

Still, she was still there, just the sight of her seemed to make his heart beat faster. Stunning. And when she looked at him, she smiled as though he was an old friend rather than someone she considered a "geek", as Kate apparently did.

He managed to put aside his feelings of disappointment and roll on with his scenes, and thankfully he forgot about it all. The play was going pretty well – Anthony was a surprise hit as the Friar – while his death scenes with Sophie were really quite moving.

So it was something of a surprise when she came up to him at the end and said quietly: "Would you mind doing some extra practice with me some time?"

"Extra practice?" he didn't quite get what she meant, mainly because it was so unexpected.

"Yeah, I mean... if you want to." She was toying with a strand of her mousy hair, was she nervous? How could Sophie Beckett be nervous? With the pause growing awkward, she said: "I mean we could run over some of the scenes a little more – so we're more confident. Mr Granville said it would be a good idea to do some practice out of hours."

"He did?"

"Yeah," she smiled warmly. "He said there wasn't enough time for everyone to get together often enough to really get good enough."

Benedict saw Kate and John stand up, heading slowly towards the steps up to the stage. There was little time left. And funnily enough, he noticed that Sophie also reacted to them approaching, as though she had similar feelings with her best friend and boyfriend on the way over.

"Uh... so how about it?" she said almost under her breath, pressing him to answer before Kate came over.

"Uh yeah..." he said, not believing that she wanted to spend more time with him. His heart was turning in cartwheels, "absolutely."

"Great!" she smiled cheerfully, the most beautiful picture ever. She slipped a small piece of paper in his hand and said: "Why don't you come over to my house at about eight?"

"Sure," he said, his voice drying up from this surprising development.

She smiled again, then as Kate and John and Kate's boyfriend Tom came up behind them, she put a finger to her lips to furtively urge him to keep quiet about their extra practices.

"You were great!" Kate said, putting an arm around her friend before almost physically forcing her to turn her back on Benedict and walk away, leaving him standing there with a powerful hope burning sensation in his chest, as he couldn’t help but notice the cold glance and shove away she gave John.

[musicforspaandearthquake]

personal context/ intro

I've always marveled at people who can work in cafes as music rains down at full volume from the speakers above, and people walk around them on all sides, as though they possess a capacity to work through distraction that I don't possess.

For years now, I have been sensitive to background noise--in particular music--to a degree I rarely encounter in anyone else, and to a degree which probably qualifies as obsessive. In fact, for a few years as a child, I had symptoms of OCD which required that I hop back and forth between doorways a number of times, count to certain numbers over and over in certain circumstances, touch or pat parts of my body in certain patterns, rehearse or recite certain strings of words a number of times, or arrange objects in a certain way as i fell asleep. Around the age of 11 or 12, these symptoms started to ebb, but perhaps its the case that such things never entirely disappear, but simply go subterranean, and reappear later in life in different guises.

Whatever the explanation, starting around the time I moved to San Francisco in my early twenties, I became particularly obsessive about background music. It seemed that inside the city, there was literally, virtually nowhere to escape hearing someone else's music. I lived with six roommates in a Victorian at the southern edge of the Mission, on San Jose Ave, just before it merged with Mission st. In the Safeway parking lot below my window, and on the busy streets below, I heard the sounds of traffic flowing past at all hours, along with the attendant musics coming from car windows. Many times, I would be made aware of the existence of new pop songs by artists I followed not by seeing updates online but by hearing unfamiliar songs streaming past by window from cars on the street below.

This, mind you, was my home base, where I had the most control over what sounds I heard or didn't. If I left my apartment and ventured into the Mission district and the city beyond, it only got louder in any direction I went. Every cafe I went to in the Mission--whether it was hipster, corporate, or mom-and-pop--blared loud music, some of them loud enough that I got the sense they were intentionally trying to drive their customers away. And in each cafe I went to, I found sober-faced, serious people sitting before their laptops apparently entirely focused on the tasks before them.

Parks and libraries within the city were not dependably better than the cafes when it came to finding quiet places to decompress from the noise or focus. Dolores park, just a few blocks away in the Mission, usually contained at least a couple groups or individuals who had brought a portable speaker to the park to play music for themselves or, perhaps, all park goers. Whatever their intention, it was rare to go to the park and not hear the bleed of at least one house beat pulsing in your ear--more commonly to hear the bleed of 2 or 3 or several speakers asynchronously beating at once.

Golden Gate Park, one of the largest urban parks in North America, with miles of rolling fields and paths that lead to the Pacific Ocean, was also frequently inundated by corporate social events. Hellman's Hollow, my favorite zone of the park--a vast, lush, green with cypress trees bordering it on all directions, the west end of which spilled onto an old, vacant horse racing track where bikers and hikers still did laps--more and more frequently played host to Salesforce, Facebook, and other corporate groups playing sloshball all afternoon. During these events, the group would set up concert grade PA systems and blast a kind of anodyne house music that ranged throughout the entire park.

The public libraries of San Francisco--like many public libraries across the U.S.--were also rarely a reprieve of quiet. Instead, they acted as the unofficial home of city's transient population, a place to wash up, charge up one's phone or electronics, socialize, get out from the elements. Whether the public library downtown in civic center or the mission branch, the sounds of the city had infiltrated the library. Conversations, music, the sounds of the bathroom, washing up, and taking care of hygiene.

*

In each of these places, I sought a place to focus. I was dogged by the sense, throughout my twenties, specifically in San Francisco, that if only I could find a place of quiet in which I could focus, then I could finally write something. I didn't know what it was I wanted to write, I only knew that I wouldn't be able to write it until I found a place quiet enough to write it.

In five years in San Francisco, I never found that place. Nor did I ever write anything. I recognized then, as I recognize now, that there were other reasons for my not writing anything during that time. Nevertheless, I felt then--as I still feel now--that the attendant noise of the city remained an intimate part of my not being able to write.

And so, after five years, I left for what I hoped would be quieter realms. At the time, my father lived alone with a disease which was slowly robbing him of his memory, his mobility, and his mental faculties. He was still at the earlier phases, having only been diagnosed the year before. He could still walk, could still talk, could still prepare himself food. But he couldn't drive, couldn't use a computer, had very little short term memory, couldn't oversee his finances, and still needed help with an innumerable amount of small tasks that couldn't be foreseen until faced.

I calculated that I could move out to the Central Valley to be with him while also seeking the relative quiet from the city that I sought. Two birds with one stone. While living with my father, I would both help him by driving him to doctor's appointments, driving him to the grocery store, and helping him with the innumerable small tasks that arose with his situation, while also stealing away from the city the necessary quiet time and focus, free of noise and distraction. By this time, too, I had enrolled in an MA program in literature and had a final thesis to write--that is, I had a specific project to focus on.

Instead of perfect quiet, I found a different world of noises to contend with. There was far less traffic in the space immediately surrounding my father's home, but my father's home itself was a world of noise. Specifically my father's home was filled with the noise of his television. Without work or anywhere to be, without any specific hobbies to cultivate, without the ability to drive anywhere, and with his mental faculties declining, my father spent most of his time watching television. In the morning he would wake up and the first thing he would do would be to check the news stations--usually CNN and MSNBC--and at night, the last thing he would do before falling asleep would be to once again watch the news. Often, he would fall asleep on the couch, with the television still on. And just as frequently, with his circadian rhythm disrupted, he would rise in the middle of the night and go to the living room and--once again--turn on the television. Thus, there was literally no hour of the day in which I was spared the sounds of the television, one-third of which was the sound of advertisements.

*

I would argue that the issue of background music is not negligible as it may at first seem, and that in fact it's status as "background" disguises the pervasiveness of its shaping influence in urban life. Far from being a trifling, background, or irrelevant issue, background music is one of the most pervasive examples of the extent to which capitalism pervades and pollutes the atmosphere, and manipulates the texture of our day to day existence.

*

I've long assumed the problem lies within myself, and still do, to a certain extent. In all of these places I've mentioned there are usually dozens of people seemingly happily working away, despite what seems to me to be an intolerable amount of noise. For this reason, I often feel like I'm living in a different world than everyone else, one in which the loud music I encounter in so many places is like a physical object in the room which only I can see, but which remains invisible to everyone else.

*

I've contended with some of the lessons of Buddhism on this topic. Some Buddhist writers and thinkers would have me paying closer attention to these noises and songs which so distrurb me and irk me. John Cage, for example, himself apparently a follower of Zen Buddhism, has written, "Noise is all around us. When we ignore it, it bothers us. When we pay attention to it, it is music."

A long line of sonic thinkers, from Pauline Oliveros to R Murray Schaefer, invite us to pay closer attention to our sonic world. Cage, Schaefer, and Oliveros, together with some of the principles of Buddhism would preach that I pay closer attention to the sonic world around me, especially those sounds and musics which bother me.

On the one hand, on some level, I believe in this trinity of thinkers and Zen Buddhism, and believe that if I only payed closer attention, I would learn to be at peace with the music.

On the other hand, there seems to me to be something obviously wrong with this premise. The noise and music I most purposefully avoid--background pop music, advertisements, sensationalist news items--

The worlds which Oliveros, Schaefer, Cage, and Buddhism generally invite us to pay closer attention to are worlds curiously free of background music and advertisements. Even the online sound map radio aporee, which collects sounds from users all over the world, does not allow uploads of copyrighted material--filtering out the background music and pop music which makes up the sonic environment the world over, and presenting an image of the world which is idyllically free of such things. Some literature--but not all--likewise filters out brand names and the names of pop songs from descriptions of the world of the literature, likewise presenting a world cleansed of ads and pop music and news items. Finally, if there are any meditation retreats which put beneath the noses of meditators the sounds of grocery store pop music, salacious news items, and nonstop advertisements, I have yet to hear of this program.

As extreme or cartoonish as this example may seem to be, this seems to be closer to the earnest state of things, a better practice for the challenge of living in a modern urban environment. It is one thing to be able to secure peace of mind in a protected silent space. But how does one maintain one's sanity once thrust back in the noise of the world? (Also seems to be a class problem: it is the rich who can afford to retreat to the secluded places in the urban environments, the proverbial hills above the city, while the great majority are forced to live amongst the noise of one another, in apartment complexes, on the streets. While I was living in San Francisco, for example, an article was passed around which proclaimed that leaf blowers were a serious problem and nuisance amongst those living in Orinda, a place where the rich live in seclusion in the hills. The article was passed around amongst city goers as a piece of comedy, suggesting how out of touch the rich are that their greatest problem are the existence of leaf blowers. However the article touches on something very real: which is the right of the moneyed to avoid the noise of everyday life, the noise which the less moneyed are forced to live amongst themselves, to inflict one another. The rich, in their hills, gift one another space and relative quiet, gifts which all deserve but few can afford. Meanwhile, down in the chaotic city, the less-rich inflict their noise on one another like germs.

*

What would it mean to play closer sonic attention to a sound world polluted with pop music, advertisements, short videos, and news items? What would it mean to "meditate" on advertisements? Would such a meditation allow one transcend and rise above the manipulations of said advertisement? Or would giving one's complete focus over to an advertisement mean acquiescing completely to its demands and suggestions? Capitulating?

*

I propose that in a late capitalist society, whatever a product's intention, everything is subsumed by the logic of the advertisement, and in a sense, everything becomes an advertisement, and there is nothing which exists outside or beyond the logic of the advertisement. Such that pop music, literary fiction, and news items alike are all subject to the same forces everything is in the capitalist market

[charliedawn]

How would they react to the new arrival ?

" Hi everybody. My name is Y/N and I am the head nurse around here. If you have any questions, you can ask them to me. I see here that two of you are transfers from St John's, so you'll be assigned to miss Harrison's department..However, I see here that mister Wendell Crumb has just been released from prison ? Who is mister Wendell Crumb ?"

A close cut man raises his hand with a slight smile.

" That would be me."

You smile back before checking something on your file.

" Fine. You'll be transferred to my department. However, I see here that you've got many names..May I ask who I am talking to ?"

Wendell Crumb suddely straightens up and stares right at you with a very unsettling smile.

" I'm Barry. Nice to meet you.."

You raise an eyebrow suspiciously before looking down at his file. Creepy smile. Judgy stare. Feminine stand..Yeah, definitely not Barry..

" I'm sorry, but in order for us to get along, honesty is the key..Now, could you please tell me who you really are ?"

The man's smile only widens as he congratulates you.

" Clever girl. I'm Patricia. Nice to meet you."

He then claps with both hands and you narrow your eyes, trying to figure the new patient out. He seems harmless enough, even though his file seems to suggest the contrary. A great pretender. After all the effort you had put in getting the patients to trust you, this one would surely bring chaos. You could already tell by just looking at him in the eyes: he wasn't here to get better.

You sigh before closing the file and signaling to the patient to follow you as Harrison enters. Wendell Crumb is almost too eager to follow you. You can feel his stare on you, as if he was sizing you up and down.

" The patients are eating, I suppose it is a good time to get acquainted with them and make some new friends. What do you think ?"

You smile and try to be nice to him, but he doesn't answer. He only huffs before looking away. You open the door to the cafeteria and feel the stare of all the slashers on you and the new arrival. Patricia seems to be doing a quick assessment of each slasher before finally landing on you.

" By what I heard, I thought I would be meeting fearless and bloodthirsty demons..But all I can see is a bunch of old-timers."

Your eyes widen in shock at his words and you can see some of the slashers tense. However, far from being intimidated, Kevin widely grins and seems to slouch slightly, taking another personality you guess.

" Hi guys ! I'm Hedwig ! I'm soooo excited to meet all of you ! Patricia said you were like us ! That's like, totally cool !"

To that, Freddy is the first to answer with a mocking smirk.

" Great. Another kid..Me who thought we would finally be enough to play poker. What a disappointment..Can he at least change his own grown-up diapers ?"

Suddenly, Hedwig's joyful expression shifts to a much serious one that glares daggers at Freddy.

" What did you say, steak face ?"

Oh oh. Freddy's expression darkens and he stands up to face Kevin that only arks an eyebrow at him, a silent challenge. One that Freddy is eager to respond to.

" What did you call me, baldie ?"

But, far from feeling intimidated, Kevin only stares down at him with a little smirk.

" You heard me, midget.."

You can feel the tension rising and put yourself between the two of them promptly.

" Hey ! That's enough ! Be nice ! And you.."

You turn towards Freddy with furrowed eyebrows, clearly displeased.

"..I told you to hold your tongue with them."

Freddy only humphs unhappily before getting out of your grip and glaring at Kevin that only grins defiantly at him.

" What ? That's it ? This is the infamous Freddy Krueger ? The bringer of nightmares and slayer of children ? I must admit that I am deeply disappointed.."

Patricia, she wants to rile him up. You quickly get another nurse to get Freddy to sit back down before he gives in to his violent impulses. You then glare at Kevin before taking him by the arm for him to follow you outside of the room.

" What are you trying to do exactly ?! Get killed ?!"

But, far from feeling guilty, Kevin's grin only widens as he stares directly back at you for several seconds, as if looking deep inside your soul..At the end, he pretends to be apologetic by raising his hands in surrender and finally giving some kind of explanation for his behavior.

" I'm sorry. I'm just feeling overwhelmed, garden variety issue..You understand. We mustn't let the bad seeds take roots, or we may end up with bad weed issues.."

At this, Pennywise that had followed you discreetly gets out of his hiding spot to growl menacingly at Kevin.

" Bad weed ?! Who are you calling bad weed, pal ?! I'll show you bad weed."

But one stern look from you, and Pennywise reconsiders. But, he is still glaring daggers at Kevin that only giggles maniacally while you get him back inside. However, he doesn't miss the way you instinctively hold on to the pendent hanging around your neck..What a strange necklace..? He turns his head towards the slashers that all seem on edge now, like a pack of wolves ready to attack. However, it's even worse when he suddenly takes you by the shoulders to smell you behind your ear, his gaze still fixed on the gang that seems ready to jump into action at any moment..Even Pennywise doesn't notice that he is munching on his spoon instead 9f his actual food. You try to get out of his grip, but he only tightens his grip on you as a response.

" What ? Are you all her lapdogs now ? I see the appeal..But still, to think she managed to have you all around her little finger..The strongest men on Earth, all submitting to that small bite."

As if to prove his point, he starts nibbling on the top of your ear, waiting for a reaction. However, before anyone could do anything, Kevin feels something piercing his skin and turns around to see a smirking Five with a needle in his hand.

" Nighty night."

Kevin collapses and you quickly kneel by his side to take his pulse. Thankfully, he's alive and you ask some nurses to bring him back to his room. You had agreed with the hospital not to use the collars unless it was a case of extreme emergency, looks like this could be one..

" Thank you, Five. But, dont use medical supplies without my permission again, okay ?"

He doesn't lose his smile before replying casually, hands in his pockets.

" Can't promise anything.."

The slashers are still staring at Kevin that is dragged out of the room. It takes you a while to reassure them that you're fine, even longer to convince yourself. However, Five seems even more suspicious than usual, he seems to be eager to return to his bedroom, and he was late for lunch..But, you don't have the time to worry about him. You finally manage to get them all to return to their bedrooms and walk inside your own. There, you let the mask fall and collapse on your bed, burying your face in a nearby pillow in order to muffle your tears and screams. Each time, you try to contain your own fear for the safety of the patients and yourself, but just with one touch, this new individual had made all of your walls crumble. However, you have to get it together, you couldn't let the other patients see you like this..You get up and cough a bit before cleaning yourself up. You then open the door, not expecting all the patients tumbling inside as they were listening in..You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose.

" What did I say about listening on doors ?"

They all stand up and look at everything but your face or simply try to justify themselves.

" Look, hon..We were only worried..Kinda ?"

Freddy tries to explain, but you take a big inspiration before stepping out. This is just what you needed: serial killers worrying about you.

" It's the hour of your medication. How about Michael and Five come to help me in the kitchen while you wait in the your rooms ?"

You finally decide to ignore Freddy and are surprised when Arthur takes you gently by the arm so you can look up at them.

"Hey, don't shut us down. Freddy is right, we were only worried."

You eyes soften at their genuine concern, but you quickly shake the feeling away. You had faced far worse, but this patient scared you the most..because he had attacked you as if he already knew, as if he knew who you were before you even introduced yourself. You will have to keep a close eye on that one, that's for sure. Fortunately, the patients hadn't reacted too extremely, or it would have turned bad, very very bad..You don't know why the hospital had suddenly decided to add another patient, but one thing is for sure, this new patient wasn't transferred here, he was sent here with a purpose. Now, your goal is to discover whatever purpose that is. You are on your way to his room when you realize something..You hadn't seen Jason all morning. He wasn't there for lunch either. You feel cold sweat running down your back when you suddenly hear some fighting noises. You run in the direction of the sounds and are shocked to see Jason, Five and, surprisingly, Klaus in Kevin's room. You don't have the time to ask what the last one is here that Jason takes Kevin by his shirt and throws him through the window.

You look at Five for an explanation, but he doesn't look at you and looks at the broken window instead.

" Did he just..?"

" Yup. He just did.."

Klaus confirms before turning towards you with a small awkward smile.

" Can someone please explain to me why a civilian is here and why Jason just threw Kevin out of the damn window ?!"

You exclaim and for once, Five is speechless and it's his brother that decides to step up to explain the situation to you.

" Hi. I'm Klaus, Five's older brother and I was about to help him escape until we heard noises of a fight outside. We got out and saw a bold man talking and fighting our dear sweet Jason that threw said man flying through the window. Literally."

Your eyes widen at the news of his planned escape and then look at Five with a confused frown. The idea of escaping wasn't what surprised you the most, but why would he want to leave now ? However, before you could ask, Jason, who is clearly upset, pushes right past you with angry groans and an uneven breathing. You give a stern look at Five, clearly signifying that this discussion isn't over before running after Jason before he could murder Kevin. When you get out, you see that all of the slashers had encircled Kevin that seems angrier than ever.

" I'll kill you all !"

He shouts, but Freddy only cackles while leaning against the wall, with the sunglasses you had given him sitting on his nose, and Pennywise that has a bowl of popcorn in his hands.

" Come on, Jason ! We'll enjoy the massacre..There are no witnesses. Just show that clown who's the boss ! No offense.."

He quickly adds at the end to Pennywise that only smirks before fist-bumping him.

" None taken."

You run to stand between the two huge men that don't seem to even notice you. You look at Michael for help, but he only crosses his arms, clearly implying that he wouldn't interfere. Great..You think before turning towards the devil you know, your hands outstretched towards him.

" Stop, Jason. Please. This is not you. Whatever he told you, it is not worth this. You will be punished, severely. They will maybe not kill you, but they will lock you away, somewhere nobody will ever find you again.."

Jason seems to finally snap out of it and you smile when he takes your hand and yanks you forward with his supernatural strength. You chuckle, relieved while he hugs you. But then, you hear a loud sound behind you and turn around swiftly to see..Brahms ?! Brahms just took Kevin by the throat to crash the back of his head against the concrete and his hands are now around his throat, squeezing painfully tight. You run towards them and try to get Brahms to let go, but he only tightens his grip on him as you yell.

" Let go, Brahms ! What are you doing ?! I said let go !"

But he doesn't listen to you, even worse, he gives you a hard blow to the stomach with his elbow that knocks all air out of your lungs. However, you still find the strength to get up and this is when Brahms finally shouts furiously.

" He took my doll !"

You are surprised how he managed to form a whole sentence without stammering and also horrified by the news. Brahms' doll is Brahms' most precious possession, no wonder he wants to kill Kevin. But then, Kevin laughs and spits blood on Brahms' mask.

" Idiot. You kill me, you won't get the doll and they'll throw you in the darkest deepest hole they can find.."

You know that he is telling the truth and look at Brahms that doesn't seem to be willing to stop. You take a big breath before finally taking out the pendent they had offered you. You hold it tightly in your hand before ordering Brahms to stop.

" Stop, Brahms ! Let him go ! Now !"

Suddenly, as if under some kind of transe, Brahms straightens up and finally releases Kevin. Brahms then slowly turns towards you and walks to you until he is barely a few inches away from you and leans in so close you can hear his hectic breathing. You almost fear for your life and hold on to the pendent even tighter.

However, he only humphs and walks away. You look up and, for once, see the disappointment in the different slashers' eyes. They all saw what happened, what you used to control Brahms.

" I..I didn't want to.."

But it's too late, the damage is done. The Joker, that had stayed silent so far, suddenly bursts our laughing, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes as he tells you bitterly.

" You know why Jason attacked Kevin ? Because he said that you were using us..Looks like he wasn't so wrong after all.."

He walks past you, not even giving you a second glance. You turn towards the rest of the slashers that seem either angry or even fearful of you.

" P..Penny..?"

You try to extend your hand towards Penny that is eyeing you warily and who growls warningly at you when your hand is too close. Suddenly, a hand snatches yours to yank you backwards.

" Back off, lady !"

Pennywise cautions you, his eyes glowing yellow in the dark. However, suddenly, some armed forces enter the yard and get out tazers to restrain the patients. You see one of the guards tackle Pennywise to the ground. To your horror, Penny bites the guard's shoulder that screams loudly in pain. Before you could say anything, another guard shoots some tranquilizers at the Penny that collapses.

" No..No !"

You run towards Penny and cradle his face with tears in your eyes. It wasn't supposed to go this way. What had gone wrong ? You look up at Pennywise that is now restrained and muzzled. He tries to break free to reach Penny, but the guards won't let him.

" Pennywise..I'm..I'm so s.."

But he glares at you and cuts you off harshly.

" Nah. Save your breath, princess.."

Pennywise says while eyeing you up and down with new-found disdain, even Freddy is not smiling anymore. The slashers are brought back inside with shackles and you feel your lower lip quivering. You didn't want to use the pendent, but he was going to kill Kevin and..You look back to see that Kevin is smiling. He even dares giggles when some guards come to take him away.

" Rejoice ! You are of the worthy ! You are broken !"

You don't understand and frown in confusion, but he doesn't add anything. You sigh deeply before getting back inside as well, you had to make it up to them..somehow.

" You really think it's a good idea ? We aren't even sure that Kevin will be able to accomplish his mission."

But the woman, far from being worried, only puffs out a cloud of smoke and replies with a confident smile.

" Believe me, John. It will work..Soon, we'll have the slashers at our mercy. They'll be our little tin soldiers. And nothing will be able to stop us, brother.."

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

It Takes A Village Chapter 4

Chris Evans x Pregnant!daughter!reader

Series Master List

Series summary: You find out that your pregnant. After being kicked out of your mom's house you go to live full time with your Dad who you only saw once every few months. Will he react badly to you being a mom at such a young age?

Chapter Summary: You tell your family about the baby, and they're for the most part supportive.

Series Warnings: swearing, fighting with a parent, teen pregnancy, speak of abortion.

Chapters Warnings: Teen Pregnancy, swearing?

Y/n means your name. N/n means nickname. I feel like it's kinda pointless to keep telling you that but whatever.

On also... Like I know very little about his family.. So what I am using is all that I know about them... Also you are gonna refer to Carly's husband as uncle in this.. Just cause I grew up referring to my biological aunt and uncle's spouses as aunt and uncle so like idk if you guys do that too but whatever.

It was the day after the appointment and you sat on the couch nervously. Your dad was on the phone, and Scott was on his way over. You decided to go slowly on telling everyone who don't know your pregnant that your are, starting with Scott who you believe would be the least judgemental about it. Chris was going to be with you when you told him. Scott walked in taking in your nervous form staring into the distance.

"Y/n?" Scott snapped you from your thoughts. "You okay?" He asked you taking a seat next to you.

"Uh yeah..." You looked toward the kitchen where your dad had disappeared. When you realized he probably wouldn't be coming out for a little while you looked at Scott. "I'm pregnant. That's why mom kicked me out... I'm keeping the baby. And the dad doesn't want to be in their life." You rambled nervously and almost too fast for him to understand what you said. He looked at you surprised not saying anything for a moment.

"Your having a baby at fifteen?" He asked you cautiously after a few minutes, you hesitated but nodded. "And the dad is Jake?" He asked you again you nodded. "Okay." He said.

"Okay?" You questioned.

"Okay." He pulled you into a hug as you sighed in relief. Chris walked in looking at you two hugging.

"Did you tell him?" Chris asked you once you pulled out of the hug.

"Yeah."

"Your gonna be a grandpa." Scott began to teased him. "Old man."

"I'm not that old am I?" Chris frowned.

"I mean... Your not exactly young." You said shrugged. He gave you a playful glare. "Well I'm going to go to my room call me down when they get here."

You excused yourself upstairs to your room, leaving the two men to talk. "She's going to be a mom? How do you know if she can handle that?" Scott ask Chris.

"It's her choice at this point we both know I didn't want this! But I can't force her to abort! I couldn't just tell she would fail at being a mom! I think she'll do fine she's a strong kid you and me both know that.." Chris said sitting on the couch next to Scott.

"Well I'm here to help you both.. I'll tell her when she comes back."

"Thanks she's been stressing about telling everyone." Chris said sighing.

"But what about the media? They're going to notice when she grows a baby bump."

"We'll figure that out when we get there." Chris said shrugging.

---

You sat in your bedroom looking down at your belly where a baby would be growing, your baby. You still can't believe that. You sighed, whenever your alone you process what all happened, the breakup and your mom kicking you out being what you've been thinking about lately since you decided to keep the baby. You dated him for a year and knew him for most of your life but he gave it all up after you found of you were pregnant. Your mom, you always thought she'd never just give up on you, but now your living with your dad which means you'd probably be going back and forth from LA and Boston with your kid until you were old enough to not need to live with Chris.

Our thoughts were broken from Chris calling you downstairs after a half hour.

"Ready to tell everyone else cause they're on their way." Your dad told you once you made it to the living room. He had invited them all over for a small family get together since it's been so long since you've seen most of them. So your aunts, cousins and grandma were coming over and you were going to have to tell them. You were going to tell your grandpa later.

"Yeah." You said sighing as Dodger jumped on your lap licking your hand. You moved you hand petting him.

"Chris said your not going to name the baby after him... So are you going to name them after your favorite uncle?" Scott asked breaking the tension.

"Maybe." You giggled as your dad let out a hurt gasp.

"But not after your own dad?""

"I only said maybe.." You said rolling your eyes, as the doorbell rang letting you know that your aunt, her husband, and your cousins were here. "Okay I'm not ready. I don't know why I said I was ready I'm most definitely not." You said sighing. Chris gave you a reassuring smile as they walked into the living.

"Y/n!" Your youngest cousin, Miles ran into your arms his brother and sister closely behind.

"Miles!" You hugged the three younger kids smiling.

"Hi Aunt Carly, Uncle Ryan." You said looking up at the pair smiling. Your cousins pulled away from the hug going to play with Dodger so you hugged Carly.

"Hey y/n." She said once you pulled from the hug.

"Uh..  I have to tell you guys something." You said hesitantly. They nodded, looking at you curiously, Ethan the oldest of the three of your cousins, looked at you as well but you didn't notice. "I'm pregnant... And that's why I moved back to boston... Mom kicked me out." You mumbled. Well they weren't expecting that.

"Your only fifteen." Ryan said

"Mhmm..." You nodded looming at the floor.

"I thought only adults could get pregnant?" Your only female cousin, Stella asked. You looked at her not knowing how to respond.

"Why don't we go play with dodger outside..." Scott said taking the kids to the yard with dodger ignoring Stella's question.

"Who's the dad?" Carly asked you.

"Jake."

"How far along are you?" She asked.

"Two months. I'm keeping the baby. Jake knows about the baby he was the first person I told." You said. She nodded hugging you again. You sighed in relief. After you hugged her, Ryan pulled you into one too.

"Told ya nothing to worry about." Chris teased when you sat down next to him.

"I still have to tell aunt Shanna and grandma. Then I have to tell grandpa." You said rolling your eyes at him.

"And you have to explain to Stella not just adults can get pregnant." Ryan said.

"Okay, I didn't think they were listening!" You defended yourself.

"Well you'll have to get used to little kids being around your about to have one of your own." Carly said.

Scott and your cousins came back in after a few more minutes, Dodger following and jumping on your lap.

"N/n? How come your having a baby? We thought only adults could have babies?" Miles asked you stella standing next to him both of them looking at your curiously.

"Uh... I.." You looked at one of the adults for help but they just watched amused. "Wel-" you were cut off by your grandma walking in.  Your sighed in relief. "Look grandma is here!" You stood up going over to her hugging her.

"You didn't answer our question!" Miles demanded pouting at you. "How are you having a baby?" Your eyes widened as your cousin just revealed to your grandma that you are pregnant. Ethan was laughing at the look on your face.

"You're having a baby?" Your grandma asked you looking at you.

"In my defense! I was going to tell you that myself! But yeah... Your gonna be a great-grandma! Surprise?" You said sheepishly pulling out of the hug. You looked at Chris begging for help but all he did was shake his head an amused smile on his face.

"Is that why you moved back here?"  She asked.

"Yeah." You nodded, Miles and Stella stood beside you still awaiting your answer on how your having a baby, and Ethan's laughs had subsided after Carly shot him a warning glance.

"Answer our question!" Stella demanded pouting at you.

"She had Sex obviously!" Ethan said rolling his eyes. All eyes turned to him looking at him shocked.

"What's sex?" Miles asked. You tried your best not to laugh.

"Ethan! You can't tell your little siblings that!" Carly said.

"Miles don't worry about it. Uh go play with my old toys they're in my closet." You shooed your youngest cousins out of the room while, Carly and Ryan began to talk with Ethan on what's appropriate to tell your younger siblings. "Well! Wasn't that more event full then it should've been?" You asked Chris and Scott sitting next to them.

"Whos the father of the baby?" Your grandma asked you.

"My ex, Jake. I'm 8 weeks, and I'm keeping the baby." You said answering all the questions she could possibly ask.

"Okay." She smiled at you.

This definitely wasn't going as you expected. You excused yourself going with Ethan to find Miles and Stella. What your didn't know was your family were going to be discussing the information you just told them.

"Did she tell you?" Carly asked Chris.

"Her mom did. But I don't doubt that she would've on her own time if her mom didn't."

"Are you going to help her raise the baby? She's still a baby herself she can't raise one on her own." Lisa said.

"She made her decision. A hard one at that, her life just got flipped! I just have to help her." Chris said making it clear he wasn't going to turn against you. It seemed your family weren't either after his explanation.

Back with you, you sat in your room with your cousins, remembering how much you missed it. Missed being with your cousins and laughing. It was helping you forget everything that happened the past two weeks.

"What's Texas like?" Stella asked.

"It's nice." You said.

"Cool! Do you have to go back to texas in a few weeks?" Stella asked.

"Nope I'm here for good!" You said smiling.

"Yay!" Miles jumped onto your lap. "N/n? Why did you have to go back to Texas before?"

"Because my Mommy lived over there."

"But your daddy doesn't live there!" Stella said.

"I know but my mommy wanted me to live with her."

"So why are you living here now?" Ethan asked you but your pretty sure he knows.

"I made a mistake and she sent me here to help me fix the mistake." You explained laying back on your bed. Oh how you wish you never had to explain this to your cousins. How you wish you could go back a few weeks and say no. After a little bit Chris called you down so you could tell Shanna.

"Hi Aunt Shanna!" You said hugging her.

"Hey y/n." You guys walked to the couch to sit down and you gathered up all the courage you had to tell her.

"I have to tell you something." You mumbled. She nodded smiling at you. "Your gonna be a great aunt! And before you ask, yes that's why I live with dad again, I'm 8 weeks along, the baby's dad is Jake." You rambled looking at her sheepishly.

"Your pregnant?"  She asked looking over at your dad for confirmation he nodded.

"Yep..." You said sighing.

"And you keeping the baby?" She asked, to which you nodded. "Okay." You let out a relieved smile and hugged her.

"Well this went better then I expected." You said to everyone in the room. Chris chuckled as you plopped next to him on the couch beginning to catch up with your family on anything besides the baby. He was happy to see you relaxing though he did notice that whenever he found you alone the past few days you didn't see so relaxed. You were always in your thoughts, he had an idea of what it was about but didn't know how to talk to you about it, this was your first heartbreak. When you told him you had a boyfriend last year he assumed it would be over after a little while seeing as you were 14. He didn't expect it to last so long.

TagList: @toastisgood @coldmuffinpartycloud @thevelvetseries

[dreamsister81]

"This is a song called Grace...and one day I was cleaning up my room, and I was thinking that, uh, um, my usual obsession with death and dying, and there can be a point where you really don't care, because there's someone..."-intro at St. Ann's with Gods and Monsters, March 13, 1992

.

.

.

"This is a song about...it's not about another dream, but it's about not feeling so bad about your own mortality when you have true love..."-intro at Sin-é, July 19/August 17, 1993

.

.

.

"This is for anybody here tonight, who's ever been stepped on, who's ever been fucked with, but it doesn't matter, because somewhere, there's sombody who has the guts to really love you...no matter what you are, no matter what job you hold...this is called Grace..."-intro at the Black Cat, Washington, DC, August 13, 1994

.

.

.

"Grace is an important quality. I wrote the song Grace when I had just found out that someone loved me, someone I wanted. Suddenly I was no longer afraid of death, of all the snares and confusion of my life. I've been very abused. By people around me. Especially in LA. I had so many spears in my heart of considerable weight that I carried around with me. And suddenly I looked down and realized that the spears were still there because I hadn't torn them out. And then I did. Nothing mattered anymore. Not the hands that had brought them there, not the heart that had accepted them. I think grace means so much. A grace, for example. 'God is good, we thank God for this food.' Blablabla. But you're also saying grace about a body or a parade. Grace means a lot in people. The ability to look ahead, to maintain warmth, to preserve the part that nourishes life. Or grace as in dancers. You need grace to dance. Besides, I love the name for a woman. Or a man. Yes, I would call my son Grace (joking). My children would love me forever."-Knust interview, September 13, 1994

.

.

.

"It's about not fearing death or fearing any of those, you know, countless slings and arrows that you suffer sometimes on this earth because somebody loves you. You're not afraid to go, you're not adraid to withstand what you need to withstand because there's a tremendous fuel that you feel regenerating inside because of somebody else's love for you. That's what Grace is about. And just about...life, just about sometimes life being so long. At the time I was anticipating leaving Los Angeles for New York so I was waiting to go, and I'm not afraid to go, I'm not afraid to die, I'm not afraid to go away from this place or leave any place, but it just goes so slow you know? And I had somebody who loved me in New York. A lot. And it was amazing, still is. (In British accent) Love, lovely love."-interview at the Pacific Club in Antwerp, Belgium, September 21, 1994

.

.

.

Regarding “Grace,” a song that is indicative of Buckley’s spiritual as well as artistic philosophy, Buckley states, “The song is about being released of the fear of being trod upon by people around you and suffering harm at the hands of others because of somebody loving you for real. You can achieve great heights of purity through somebody else’s love for you.”-Virtually Alternative Magazine no. 5, 1994

.

.

.

Buckley considers "grace" to be, "the quality about people that matters. Any hardship, any pitfall, any sling or arrow in your direction that you're forced to withstand, any abuse, or any thought of even growing old, you need that quality...grace in men is especially appealing, women are very graceful, but men usually are not, and I like it when I see it in them. It also carries the meaning of having an implication, like the beginning of something or the death, saying grace."-Art+Performance, October 28, 1994

.

.

.

What does grace mean to you?

Everything that the word carries. Grace is what matters in anything. Especially life, especially growth, tragedy, pain…love, death. About people. That’s what matters. That’s a quality I admire very greatly. It keeps you from reaching for the gun too quickly…it keeps you from destroying things too foolishly. And sort of keeps you alive. And it keeps you open for more understanding. You know, people say grace for dinner, 'God is great, God is good…’ eh, you know. But I see an invocation when I hear that word. And also, it’s like the sound of…

So saying the word grace, invokes a state of grace?

It could, yeah.

Say it now. Let’s see if we can...(laughs)

Hey, don’t make me say it. Don’t make me invoke a state of grace here on this room…(laughs)

But also, the song itself is just a eulogy to no one. About…I always describe it as not fearing anything, anyone, any man, any woman, any war, any gun, any sling or arrow aimed at your heart by other people because there is somebody finally who loves you, for real. And that you can achieve a real state of grace, through somebody else’s love in you, you know. And you’re totally out of fuel, and totally out of understanding…so I said it. It’s a song about my death, but not fearing it.-Much Music, October 28, 1994

.

.

.

"For me, it's a quality about people that matters most. In the face of adversity, in dealing with others, in love, dealing with enemies, in dealing with death. It's something that transcends, that carries people. Also, I decided the word. But it also...it fit to me because the song is about not fearing death anymore, or even fearing torture on earth because there's finally somebody who loves you for real. And sometimes you can achieve grace through somebody else's belief in you. And grace just sort of...I don't know, if I was writing a death letter, I felt that that was a grace as well, you know, saying grace...or for the dead on earth, or for somebody who's just very broken down. And just a last act of defiance, but also a beautiful prayer. That's what it could be, so I named it Grace."-Japanese interview, November, 1994

.

.

.

What does Grace mean to you?

It's not religious or mystical. It's very ordinary. That's the thing that makes people divine. That's a quality I appreciate in a person. Especially in a man because it is very rare."-L'indic, March/April, 1995

.

.

.

"Grace is basically a death prayer. Not something of sorrow, but of just casting away any fear of death. No relief will come you really just have to stew in your life until it's time to go, but sometimes somebody else's faith in you can do wonders."-MTV Europe interview, 1995

.

.

.

"I see many other colours of sacredness," he says. "And grace is a quality in people that I just enjoy. It's a very human quality."-Sydney Morning Herald: August 25, 1995

.

.

.

Grace, the title he has given to his first record is “mostly just a quality about people that I enjoy." 

How does he recognize it?

“Ah… sort of... a transcendental soul in somebody's behaviour. Like a soul that's wise… Like somebody who doesn’t stoop to violence so quickly in the face of a problem, because they’re a little bit more potent of a soul. It’s rare,” he stresses.

Has he discovered many people with this quality?

"No!...that are purely like that? Everybody has it at one time or another, it's just like sadness, sometimes people have it, sometimes they don't, but it's something that I love, or, it's something that I need, desperately, because so much shit in your life can be so caustic, it's deadly, and you need to be steady in the way that you live, in order to have your thoughts together. Because basically, it's just fucking survival," he says, making one of his frequent cognitive leaps that leaves me half-baffled. "There's nothing else to it, so you have to be self sufficiently aware. And that's something you lose from time to time, but you have to get it back, otherwise you don't live very well. I think there's a graciousness about people, I especially like it in men, because it's totally rare."-Beat magazine, August 30, 1995

.

.

.

Grace is the title of your album. What does it mean to you?

"Grace there meaning a prayer like a death prayer - not being afraid of it, sitting totally immersed in trouble and all those crappy slings and arrows that come to you in regular life, and then someone begins to love you for real, and instead of wishing for death, even thinking about it, it's not a factor at all. Death meaning relief."-Rip It Up, February 1996

.

.

.

"Rise Up to Be" opened up with a cascade of notes like rain on a fretboard, then dove into a rugged melody with enough rocky crevices for a mountainside. Singing along, Jeff retitled it "Grace," inspired by the time he and Moore said their goodbyes at the airport on a rainy day. "The rain is falling and I believe my time has come/It reminds me of the pain I might leave behind," Jeff sang. With its images of a woman crying on his arm and of his contemplating mortality, the song equated love with pain, rebirth with death.-from Dream Brother

.

.

.

The explanation of this Buckley lyric was just as ambiguous as that for "Mojo Pin". The most common read was that he was spelling out his sorrow at being briefly separated from Moore, but Buckley loved to mess with his audience-at various times he'd introduce "Grace" as "a song about my death, but not fearing it" and, during an early Gods and Monsters show, as "(my) usual obsession of death and dying". While playing at Sin-E he'd declare it to be "a song about not feeling so bad about your own mortality when you have true love". Buckley seemed to have even less of a clue of its true meaning at a Chicago show in 1995 when he went into the following rant before playing the song. "Shit's happening now," he said. "It's all about now, now, now. Bigger, faster, sweatier, whiter, blacker, gracer." Lucas wrote both songs as "inspirational messages" for himself and Buckley.-from A Pure Drop (of course, the context of the rant isn't mentioned, and imo the "gracer" is merely a segue 😑🙄🙈)

[m1serere-n0bis]

Anyways. I don't care what the rest of you all have been doing during this but I have been trying to listen better and pray more.

For those of you who don't think that's "enough"... Sorry but I don't owe public opinion shit. The only person I owe an explanation to is God. I don't owe anyone information on what I'm doing in private. I don't owe anyone information on what I am/am not supporting financially or otherwise. If your personal opinion is that I'm not making adequate use of my voice or platform then that's rough buddy, but my voice is not the one that needs to be heard right now and also what platform? As a society hyperfocused on social media ESPECIALLY NOW DURING THIS PANDEMIC we have to come to terms that we all have lives outside of it and we don't "owe" each other ANY information about that in spite of what our culture tells us. Like if this is what "community-based policing" means, I can already tell you I hate it and it's oppressive.

For those of you who think this is a political power play, I would say those concerns are valid but there IS a REAL problem that will still be there when all the political pandering and posturing is done. And we need to fix it. Part of the reason I haven't been hyping what everyone has been telling me to hype in the name of activism is pretty much this:

Do I think it honestly matters which political party is in charge for changes to happen? No, because I do not trust the SAME GOVERNMENT BACKING THE POLICE to take the money THAT IS STILL TECHNICALLY IN THEIR POSSESSION and funnel it into the communities that need it in any way that will actually address the racism inherent in the system. HOWEVER, that doesn't stop me from listening to what my brothers and sisters in Christ are telling me are their experiences not just in a society that is supposed to have progressed past racism but in the BODY OF CHRIST itself. Because it's there, everyone. Yes, it's not overt. Yes, not everyone is actively engaging in it but if we are truly One Body then we owe it to each other to make reparations for sins that aren't ours. It's what we've been doing for the child abuse scandals, is it not? The majority of us were not involved but do we not still carry the burden of that sin simply because we're Catholic, because one part of the One Body committed this massive hurt?

So anyway. The goal of this post is not to make anyone feel bad and it is not an invitation for people to pile on me because I haven't vocally supported x, y, z. This is an invitation to listen and to pray... which should always be the first step, EVEN WHEN THERE IS AN IMMEDIATE NEED FOR ACTION. (Maybe ESPECIALLY when there's an immediate need for action.) And holy shit are we not good at that or what? 😂

1) Fr. Mike Schmitz' homily this week was an invitation for us to listen to God and let Him tell us who He is because only by doing that can we see the image and likeness of God in each other. We've lost that in our wishy-washy prayer lives that inevitably end up with us trying to force God into an earthly construction in which He doesn't belong. We try to tell God who He is because the world is too noisy for us to hear Him tell us about Himself. And that inevitably trickles down into us trying to force each other into boxes before recognizing the human dignity instilled by God in all of us. The internet feeds into that by making us faceless virtual entities, thus making it that much more difficult to recognize our humanity. I can read faceless stats for days but if I don't have ANY CONTEXTUAL IDEA where those numbers are coming from, they're empty. They're easily manipulated into whatever whoever is selling me them wants me to think of them if I don't have someone LIVING THOSE STATISTICS giving me context. Right now the media wants us to feed on the controversy surrounding BLM movement without telling us that these communities have been MARCHING IN THEIR COMMUNITIES FOR YEARS AGAINST THE VIOLENCE THEY INFLICT ON THEMSELVES and it is the same media blackout as any March for Life. The media doesn't care unless they have drama they can use to stoke more division and that's the tea.

2) Fr. Josh Johnson is on fire right now, everyone. Like him and Chika Anyanwu are two voices I wasn't listening to before that I'm thankful to be hearing now. If you're wondering how God can be good even in the midst of chaos, turmoil, and pain, this is it. If you're struggling to separate the Black Lives Matter Organization from the heart of the issue, this is how God is doing that. The Church needs to hear these voices. They have real experiences to share. They are part of the Body of Christ, and they are really hurting through these thousands of small cuts.

I would recommend listening to the Jeff Cavins Show episode Distance Amplifies Difference where he has a conversation with Fr. Josh. They both have tremendously unique WORDLY perspectives to bring to the table on the issue (Jeff Cavins is a white man but has children who are black and they live in Minnesota and are literally witnessing the heart of this first hand in the trenches, and Fr. Josh is the son of a black former chief of police) but ultimately discuss how we as a Church can work towards fixing it.

Fr. Josh and Fr. Mike's dialogue on Ascension Presents is also really top notch. I still have to finish watching it, though. 😅

I can't believe I wasn't following Chika before because as another single Catholic woman, I feel like I've found a sister in Christ experiencing the same ups and downs of Catholic singlehood (her Instagram Highlight was like HILARIOUS and also a truth 😂). Her family's small business got looted during the rioting but I believe they've since been able to shut down their Go Fund Me since people gave them enough support to get it back up and running. Anyways, I'm glad this amplification of black voices brought me to hers.

3) Fransican Friars of the Renewal Fr. Agostino and Fr. Pierre Toussaint discuss their hopes for the movement from their perspective as people of color and as servants of one of the poorest neighborhoods in NYC, the South Bronx. Their dynamic is great because Fr. Agostino is like a Gryffindor on fire and Fr. PT is like a soft-spoken, phlegmetic Ravenclaw. I understand that energy. 😂 (I'm also a phlegmetic Ravenclaw) One of my takeaways was Fr. Agostino's opinion that we can't just posture and leave it up to the government or orgs with ulterior political motives to make things right because he's seen firsthand how well THAT goes. However, all that means is that we as people of God have to dig in and do the work our own dang selves. They're also hopeful that this discussion of the police force being built on a foundation of racism will eventually lead to the discussion of Planned Parenthood being built on the same. They said that 42% of the pregnancies of the predominantly black and Latino population in the South Bronx end in abortion. 42%!!!!!!!!!!! If that is not a wake-up call that systemic racism is alive and well and we are abjectly failing women of color as a society Idk what is. But also their analogy that society is a MESS of a dilapidated house and we have to pick ONE place to start and stick with it if we really want to fix it up is also the truth.

4) Did y'all know about Our Lady of Kibohe? This is a Vatican-approved Marian apparition that appeared to three teenaged girls in Rwanda a little more than a decade before the genocide (which she warned them about). There is no one in Creation demons and Satan hate more than Our Lady, and there's no better weapon against them than the rosary. There has been a call from our brothers and sisters to rend our hearts and even if you don't see, think, or believe there is still racism within the Church, will you not pray for Mary and St. Michael to help continue keeping it that way, then?

Our Lady of Kibohe encouraged us to take up the practice of praying the Seven Sorrows Rosary. I tried it for the first time last week and I have to say, even with my super basic limited knowledge of black history in the United States, it was not hard to see how their suffering could easily be united to the sufferings of Christ and Our Lady.

I guess my conclusion is this: I have my own misgivings about blindly supporting any ol' cause that happens to be trending on whatever. The Black Lives Matter ORGANIZATION has a manifesto touting things that are contrary to the Catechism for SURE, but when my brothers and sisters in the Church are telling me they are in pain RIGHT NOW and saying, "Hey, listen... They're right about some things... These are the things and we've experienced it IN the Church..." then they deserve to be heard. We owe it to them to listen because they are a part of us. We need to expose these sins to the light instead of denying they exist or claiming to be past it. We ALSO need to be charitable to those in different parts of their journey. Is it FAIR to bear the burden of others' sins and make reparations for them? Heck no! But we do it. Jesus did it for us. We do it for our brothers and sisters in Purgatory. What's the difference for bearing it for our hard-hearted brothers and sisters on earth? Nobody is perfect but we all are made in the image and likeness of God and thus inherently carry human dignity.

[vickypoochoices]

Scrabble Heart.

Author's Note: I don't write James fics ever, but this idea came to me and he was the only person I could imagine pulling this off! I also need you to excuse any mistakes regarding the rules for Scrabble. I played once, over ten years ago, and cried because I was so awful at it! I've had a quick Google of the rules, and I know I've forgotten about the double points on the first go, but we can forget all about that when we see the outcome of this game right? I hope!

Tagging: I don't really have a tag list for James, so i'm sorry if I've tagged you and you aren't interested. @zigortega4life @emerald-bijou @littlegreenmoo @krsnlove

"I miss Zack. He would never pick on me like you have. Relentlessly. All day long.”

“Oh boo hoo. Cry me a river. Who do you think planted this little idea in my head in the first place?” Kaitlyn retorts, not even glancing up from where she's picking at her worn down, stubby nails.

A sharp hiss of breath, grinding teeth and a tight ball of scrunched up fingers under the table was her only response initially, a half hearted threat eventually following. "When he gets back I’m gonna...”

“Shower me with kisses? Squeeze me so tight I literally explode?” A giddy squeal from the entrance to the coffee shop interrupted her.

“ZACK?! What are you doing here?”

“Did you really think I’d miss one of the biggest nights of my best friend’s life?”

A sharp slap sounded out as the palms of Zack and Kaitlyn met in unison for a high five. Both wearing matching smug smiles. Both watching on as their friend sagged against a corner seat.

“Good job Liao. She’s a tough one to crack but with a little perseverance we’ll have her coming round to our way of thinking in no time.”

Zack slid into the seat next to her, bringing an arm up to hang loosely around her shoulders. Her nostrils flared at the overwhelming and intensely overpowering scent that followed. Not what she had grown accustomed to. Zack smelt fresh, fruity, exotic. Shrinking back slightly, she eyed him cautiously, taking note of his face. Flecked with a smattering of fresh freckles, and the tone of his skin; a shade pinker than what was probably deemed desirable. She flinched at the sudden thud of Zack's backpack tumbling to the floor.

Whilst one eyebrow remained in place, higher than the other, her hands betrayed her, instinctively grabbing at thin air greedily, eager to snap up the thick slab of chocolate she could see poking out the top of the bag.

“Present!” He exclaimed, still not making a move, eerily still and watching her closely. She swallowed hard, suddenly on edge.

“Did you get abducted by aliens whilst you were away or something? One, you are being really weird right now. Like, really weird. Two, the Zack I know would buy chocolate as a gift for me, but find it too irresistible and end up eating it himself then palm me off with a fridge magnet. And three, am I really supposed to believe that you got a tan if that’s what you want to call it, from a last minute trip around Europe?”

“Okay well one, if I really was abducted by aliens I’d be selling my story and making my millions right now instead of wasting my time here with you. Two, that was one time that I ate your chocolate and i’ve spent the last five years apologising for my mistake, how much longer are you going to hold it against me? And finally, Europe does get hot. Sometimes. I’ll have you know.” Zack puffed out the breath he’d been holding, cheeks reddening with each word. He looked her over, a smirk tugging at his lips, a glimmer in his eye.

“And I thought it could serve as your first engagement present too, I was going to get James a nice bottle of wine for tonight, but I ran out of money.”

She rolled her eyes, tutting loudly. “That’s it, I take it all back. From this moment on I am best friend less.” She stared pointedly at Zack, Kaitlyn giggling in the background as she stealthily swiped the chocolate bar, taking advantage of Zack's momentary lapse of concentration.

“Love you too babe! I’d better be the first person you call once James pops the question or I’ll seriously have to reconsider my answer when you ask me to be your man of honour.”

A sweet smile ghosted her lips as she flipped him the bird before flouncing out of the coffee shop. An unsettling feeling began to rise in the pit of her stomach, a bitter taste still apparent after the conversation she'd just had.

The fresh air hit her face on, hair whipping around wildly as a gust of autumnal wind swept past her. But she barely even noticed, subconsciously winding her pashmina a little tighter around herself, her nose burying into it. As her feet carried her off down the path littered with crunchy, crisp golden leaves, her mind was stuck in St. Mark's Basilica. The large round domes and marble multi coloured pillars. With her feet now rounding a corner, her mind wandered further, now walking along the Bridge of Sighs at the Doge's Palace. She paused for a second, surprising herself as a rumble of laughter escaped her mouth unexpectedly.

"It's fascinating here. And beautiful. We could get lost in Venice and roam the streets for months and I'd still never tire of this place." James talked animatedly, his pace of speech hurried as his excitement grew, all the while his thumb brushed over her knuckles soothingly, despite his apparent excitement overtaking his mouth.

The glistening water that passed them, as they both stole glances of each other. James looking at her wistfully and lingering. Nope. If he was going to propose it would have been then. In Italy. One of the most beautiful and romantic countries in the world. Or any one of the other amazing places they'd visited together. Not a random Thursday night in their apartment of all places. She shook her head, unsure why she even entertained the idea. This was Zack and Kaitlyn anyway. Why did she ever take them seriously in the first place?

A long, drawn out breath escaped as she made her way into her shared apartment with James, silently cursing the loud jangle of keys that seemed to slice through the silence. At least Zack didn't bring her another keyring back. Her set contained two keys but dozens of mismatched keyrings, mainly little momentos as a memory of the places her and James had visited. They'd taken a year off together. They were both busy and successful in their own rights, but some days it had seemed as though they were slipping into the old ships in the night routine, which so many long term relationships always seemed to suffer. James had often talked about showing her the world one day, until the words 'Why not today' tumbled out of her mouth in a rush, little to no thought actually going into the logistics of it all.

Twirling around on the spot, her eyes narrowed, skepticism pooling within her as she took note of her dimly lit surroundings. James sat hunched over their dining table, flicking his wrist a few times, a flickering flame from his matchstick disapating cleanly, her nostrils flaring slightly at the heavy smokey scent drifting towards her. The room would have been pitch black, were it not for the dozens and dozens of candles strategically dotted around the living room. Shit. He's not...?

Catching sight of her, James's demeanor changed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, mustering up a lopsided grin, neither confirming nor denying her suspicions.

"Hey." His voice was normal. Not squeaky or strained, no hint of nerves in the slightest. Her voice however betrayed her, the notes wavering shakily as she choked out a terse 'hey' of her own in response.

Something in the way she remained rooted to the spot, anxiously eyeing every candle painfully slowly must have prompted James as to the inner turmoil she was currently battling.

Striding the short distance between them, her fingers greedily snatched up the half full wine glass she found pressed between them, a trace amount dribbling out of the corner of her mouth as she struggled to knock it back cleanly in one.

He eyed her curiously, warmth jolting her to her senses as his hand covered hers, steadying, as he seamlessly removed the glass from her grasp and sat it down on a nearby coffee table. The warmth radiated through her, her whole body fighting off a chill she wasn't even aware of until now. Tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his warmth spread to her face, a rosy glow heating her cheeks as he cupped her face in his hand, watching her with an unreadable expression.

"The electricity's out."

She tried to reign in the breath she hadn't even realised she'd been holding, a short puff of air the only thing to pass her lips somehow. Idiot! There's a perfectly good explanation after all!

"That...makes sense."

A rich chuckle rumbled, James cocking his head to the side as he looked her over from top to bottom, perplexed. "Are you okay?"

She stared, deadpan for a moment, mouth slightly agape before pulling herself together. She wasn't about to let Zack and Kaitlyn ruin this night. Game night was one of her favourite nights of the week!

Nodding her head once, setting her shoulders back and fixing her face with an award winning smile she hoped wasn't too over the top, she took a step towards the 'game table'. "I'm fine Ashton. Just eager to beat your ass, as usual!"

Breaking out into a grin, he paced over to the table, both now hovering by their designated seats. "Is that so?"

"Have you been getting a little extra practice in tonight?" She jerked her head towards the Scrabble board set out in the middle of the table, a few words scattered around.

"The pressure is on me tonight."

She swallowed hard, mind going into overdrive for all of thirty seconds before James pressed on.

"If I remember correctly, you've won two weeks in a row."

Bringing a hand up to cup around her ear, her eyes twinkled mischievously. "Say it a little louder."

He chuckled distractedly, his gaze dropping to her lips. As James took a step towards her, she took one backwards, the heel of her foot knocking into contact with her chair. Her eyes widened, a brief moment of panic washing over her. Fingers curling tightly around the fabric of James's shirt reflexively, she braced herself for the fall, expecting James to come tumbling down with her. Instead, strong arms encircled her waist, gently placing her harmlessly into position on her chair.

A momentary loss of balance forced James down with her. Their foreheads coming to rest together, her chest rising and falling exaggeratedly as she caught her breath. Grateful for the strong arms wrapped protectively around her and the feather light strokes of his fingertips along one of her hip bones that followed.

Her eyes found their way to his and found them seeking out an answer to his unanswered question. A slight angle of her head was all it took, her lips latching onto his once, then twice, hoping that would be enough to reassure him that she was fine.

"Someone's eager to play." James whispered into her covered neck, before dipping lower to place a single kiss against her collar bone.

Her cheeks flushed, slowly unravelling the long pashmina she'd long since forgotten about.

"How about we play later?" Her lips tugged upwards into a coy smile, as she beckoned him closer still with a crook of her finger.

A startling crackle from one of the candles distantly in the room pulled them apart.

A small patch of skin on the back of her hand glistened under the candlelight as James left a lingering kiss there. "As tempting as that offer is..."

The formation of a sharp crease between his brows had her unintentionally mirroring him, a furrow of confusion flitting across her features at the obvious deflection. His words were at odds with his facial features, and she couldn't understand why.

Swallowing down an influx of unwelcome emotions, a breezy smile slipped into place as she turned her attention to the table, eager for a distraction. Settling back in the chair and sucking in a healthy amount of air, she welcomed the space as James eased himself off of her, and into position opposite.

Hands steepled together, her wandering eyes latched onto the opposite side of the table. A collection of tiles with a mismatch of complete and half strung together words caught her attention, the most striking being Eternity. Chin jutting, eyes narrowed, voice croaking, she managed just one word.

"Cheat!"

"This is one game I very much hope I can win tonight." His eyes sparkled in the darkness.

"Ready when you are."

Dipping his head, James alternated between an awkward squint and a cocky flit between his letters. After what felt like an eternity, he finally placed down his first word. Love.

Really? All of that build up for four letters and seven fucking points?

"Losing never looked so sexy before." She smirked teasingly.

"I just need a little more time to warm up."

A thin sheen of sweat shone off his forehead, but before she could voice any concern a sharp buzz at the door interrupted. Raising an eyebrow questioningly, James shrugged casually, using the back of his hand to swiftly swipe at his clammy forehead.

"Well I couldn't make us dinner with the electricity out, so I went ahead and ordered us some pizza. Could you go? I'm pondering over my next move and I'll probably just start spurting out random words to the delivery guy if I go."

"Don't get ahead of yourself Ashton. I think you'll find it's my turn next. We didn't up the stakes last week without my knowledge did we? Because you are acting strange all of a sudden. Unless you just can't take the humiliation of being beaten by me three weeks in a row..."

"Sounds like someone is worried about that winning streak coming to an end."

With a stern face and narrowed eyes, she outstretched two fingers in front of her, before moving them back and forth between the pair, signalling that she's watching him.

"I promise you." James smiled, raising his hand and placing it over his heart, sincerity flushing his features. "I'm not cheating, and we didn't up the stakes. This game is an important one. There's no coming back from this for me if you beat me three weeks in a row."

She nodded her head once in acceptance before bounding over to the door, eager to get back to the game.

"Good evening ma'am." A muffled voice greeted her, buried behind a stack of pizza boxes.

"Seems everyone in the building had the same idea tonight, we're rushed off our feet. Now then, which one of these is yours?"

A middle aged, kind faced man suddenly appeared as he carefully manoeuvred the tower of boxes onto the floor.

"Huh, looks like there's been a mix up. Nothing is labelled, makes my job a hell of a lot harder let me tell you kid! There's no other way to do it than opening the boxes and looking through."

A slight huff and an irritated glance back at James followed, not that he noticed. He was hunched over, scrutinising each tile whilst stroking his chin absentmindedly.

"Alright let's do this. James is awkward and orders extra toppings, so I guess his should be easy to spot."

Time seemed to stand still as the delivery guy sifted through the mountain of boxes painstakingly slowly.

"Well what do you know, the bottom two eh? What are the chances?"

She found her eyebrows raising and her foot tapping, her patience well and truly tested now.

"Okay great. Thanks so much. Have a great night!" She strained out, struggling with all her might to refrain from slamming the door in his face.

"Can you believe that James? Next time I think I'd rather just starve!"

Winding her way back to the table, she frowned at the now vacant seat, James no where to be seen. Setting down the pizza boxes in the middle of the table, she let out a long sigh. Same thing every Thursday. Wine goes straight through him! Her lips curled up into a cunning smile, as she risked a peek behind her, ensuring James wasn't about to walk in and catch her stealing a glance at his rack and tiles. With the coast clear, she loomed over the empty seat on his side, her throat constricting instantly.

There were no spare tiles, on either James's side or her own. Just the Scrabble board, positioned perfectly straight, and completed. Her legs buckled, the safety of James's chair acting as a net and catching her, her elbows coming to rest on the table as she leaned forward, eyes erratically scanning over the words in place.

Love. Eternity. Italy.

Stomach clenching as realisation set in, she allowed her eyes to drop a little further down. An unmistakablely large diamond ring sat in the centre of the board, the accompanying tiles set out directly underneath it spelt out just four more words. Will. You. Marry. Me.

"I hope Zack and Kaitlyn didn't ruin the surprise."

Mouth agape, her head slowly turned to her right, gaze falling to the floor and landing on James, knelt down on one knee looking at her earnestly.

"James what...?"

"Is it hot in here all of a sudden or is it just me?"

"That might have something to do with the hundreds of candles you've got heating up the room."

"Right, yeah. I didn't think that one through properly did I?"

Her arms folded across her chest, the penny finally dropping.

"The power isn't out?"

"Nope."

"And the pizza delivery guy?"

A sheepish look flits across his face. "He might have been paid handsomely to help me out." He paused, clearing his throat loudly. "But babe, we've sort of strayed a little here."

Her stomach twisted into knots, her heart pounding harshly. "Right err..."

"No wait. This isn't right. I've spent the best part of a year planning all of this and I've messed it all up."

"A year?" She repeated quitely.

"It would have been too obvious to do it whilst we were jetsetting around the world. We'd talked about doing that together for so many years, I didn't want to take anything away from that experience for you."

Her face softened at his words. My James. Always so thoughtful.

"I didn't think it was possible, but every day I fell more and more in love with you. I nearly caved in a few times, even went as far as to check out a jewelers whilst we were in Malta. Then you text me saying you'd woken from your nap and you were starving so I came home with food instead of a ring."

She couldn't help but giggle, cursing herself mentally. Damn you stomach!

"And then we came home and we settled back into our old routine and I thought I'd missed my chance. Then I realised, none of that even matters. I could wine you and dine you in an extravagant restaurant. Or we could stay in, surrounded by all of our firsts."

She chewed on the inside of her lip nervously, but her expression must have faltered, as she felt James stroke her hand timidly, taking a moment to find the right way to answer her confusion.

"The first time we kissed. The first time together properly, how could I ever forget? The first confession of love I'd ever muttered to anyone before. The first experience of living with a partner, my beautiful partner." His eyes softened.

"The first proposal. Hopefully the last! The first moments afterwards, when you've given me your answer..."

Diving downwards and pressing against him forcibly, they fell backwards, tumbling together into the floor. For the second time that night, James found himself instinctively curling his arms around her protectively, their lips melding together in a sudden fierce frenzy.

Panting as he pulled away, James cradled her face in his hands, thumb gently stroking either side in adoration. "Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'm glad I could soften the fall for you."

"That yes was an answer to your original question James."

"Right right." He nodded his head slowly, taking a moment for the words to sink in properly. "Yes, as in yes yes?"

"Okay, that word is officially banned from now on!" She quipped, face widening in a broad smile.

Raising her hands to his lips and brushing a kiss to each finger individually, he kept his eyes locked on her's, the threat of happy tears brimming in his eyes as he slowly slipped the ring onto her finger.

"There's just one thing left to do now." He murmured against her mouth, tugging at her bottom lip.

"Which is?"

"Finish the game, of course. What else?"

[automaticstudentmiracle-blog]

•IEW, should or shouldn't be delicate at all?��� Hi, I'm Mentari. I'm an alumni of 16/17 KL-YES Program to the USA. I was hosted in Belleville, Illinois. Through this writing, I want to happily share my personal-experience-based stories regarding to the most awaited moment of all exchange students all over the world. Exactly. International Education Week. Happy International Education Week for all exchange students! *cheers* First of all, today was a year ago the kick-off night of IEW was held, November 13, 2017 in one of our mate's host family's house in Shiloh, Illinois. My IEW was started with the International Cuisine Night. In my cluster we consisted of fourteen exchange students who came from various countries (Indonesia, Israel, Kazakhstan, Kyrgystan, Moldova, India, and Armenia), and we were all organized by one very cool Placement Organization named World Link Inc. Why do I say so? First, I'm not paid to say that, because that's legit true. Second, because World Link has successfully helped me trace out my development(s) during the program. For me, especially Cyndi (my local coordinator) and Kristin--a huge and hard shoutout to them two--who have worked the best out of them to take care of all of us until the very last day of our presence in the US. Anyway, that International Cuisine Night, though, was taken in so much energy and synergy to introduce each of our countries through cuisines. The hostess (Cyndi & Nickie) also cordially invited each of our host families to celebrate and try our international cuisines for free. Yes, F R E E. Don't you wonder what I cooked in that time? Inhale. Exhale. Ayam Kecap or Chicken Shimmered in a Sweet Indonesian Soy Sauce. Seriously. This idea started off of my thought about what mom's food I missed the most in that time. Something sweet, but not too sweet. Something spicy, but not too spicy. Then popped up in my head, that, Ayam Kecap. A week before that night, I seriously surfed on the internet to figure out the closest recipe like my mom usually has back home. Boom! I found it! You can access the recipe here for the sake of your reference in case you have no idea at all: https://www.google.co.id/amp/s/anotherdish.com/2013/08/25/chicken-simmered-in-a-sweet-indonesian-soy-sauce-ayam-kecap/amp/ I brainstormed hard and I finally left to go to one Asian market in St. Louis, Missouri, named Jay's Market which was 20 minutes drive from my home, to buy some ingredients and stuffs. I got pretty much some things, such as Indonesian soybean sauce (Kecap Manis ABC) and shallots (bawang merah). In that time I did realize, I could be happy over simple things like this. Kick-off night: checked. Next stop was my school to present Indonesia through some speeches in presentations. Honestly though I only did three presentations during the IEW, which didn't reach my satisfaction point yet. But it was okay. I did my first presentation in my Public Speaking class, the second one in History class, and the third one in the library which was open for anyone at school to see. Everytime I initiated to do the presentation, I always wore Indonesian typical apparel, such as, or such as simple as, batik blazer, batik skirt, and kebaya. I spent relatively 25 minutes each presentation to talk and discuss about Indonesia with the audiences, also did I hold a little Q&A game with them after the presentation and one who could answer my question(s) right would get a piece of Indonesian money (Rp2,000,-). You know what, most of them got mad because of the money I gave them away, like, the typical question for them was,"OMG, are you sure you give me your money? Do you still have money after this? I just want to make sure you're good after all," which was followed with tender hugs afterward. I assume they said that because they thought Indonesia money got a lot of 0s and Rp2,000,- equaled to several hundreds US dollars, which was not true *lol*. Rp2,000,- is not even equivalent to $1. I explained all to them and they thanked me for such beautiful and remarkable gift from Indonesia. I spent the last day of IEW in a huge celebration of it in my school library which also invited other exchange students from other schools to collaborate created an International Day of The Week at school. I wore kebaya in that day, and my other friends also wore their beautiful traditional clothes. The school managed some stuffs so the exchange students could also display their nation-related stuffs during the event. I displayed my ID card (KTP), school ID card (kartu pelajar), Indonesian coins (receh), and some of Indonesian utensils (Pilot, Standard, pensil 2B, etc) in one medium size display window (etalase)--of course because I don't want anyone steal any of my 'traditional' belongings. Please no. Literally, prior to the IEW, I had cooked pretty much some meal for my host family at home and for a couple times brought the meals to school for lunch. Do you know what it was? Indomie. I mean, what else can typically depict Indonesia in a very quick and simple way? Indomie. Did I but the Indomie though? Nope, I didn't buy it, but my host dad did. He surprised me in my sixth week there by putting a box full Indomie he bought from Amazon in front of my room door. Yea, it was cute. And I miss him now. I'm about to cry. No. Anyway, let's summarize all these into dos and don'ts during the IEW for you whom are planning to manage the schedule, or still collecting up all the guts to conduct the presentations through some speeches in front of the mass. Let's start from the don'ts--so you have some pictures of bad things that'd happen if you do these. 1. Put information you don't specifically know or understand about Indonesia into your slides. It's such a big NO. Let's take one case as an example. You put in your slide, for example, that Indonesia got the 2nd big economy in the world, and then you don't further explain about it which left the audiences be empty about your information. Anyway though, it's somewhat unnecessary because people can basically google it by themselves and spot it right there. 2. Attach irrelevant pictures. Isn't it funny when you read about the traditional foods but then appear one picture of an Indonesian president in one same slide? It's silly. Please don't do that. 3. Miscalculate your presenting duration. I'm always cautious enough in determining the right amount of time for me to present the presentation in each class I targeted. Traditionally, when an exchange student has booked one special day to the teacher in one class to present about his/her country, class must not undergo casual teaching activity. So, don't disappoint your teacher because you say to him/her that you'll present for 15 minutes but in fact you go for another 15 minutes, because just in case she/he might plan some activities later after your thing. 4. Stuff up your slides with general information. Please, you come abroad to make Indonesian known in special way. Don't give information they should've known just by one simple click away on Google. Be specific and detail and original. 5. Skip the subjects. Tell me you aren't going to, or planning to do this, are you? Please don't let them left still wondering about some subjects that are attached in your slides but you get rid to present it just because you don't memorize the speech or information or explanation about it. Phew. Let's straight go to the dos stuffs. 1. Be knowledgable about your country! You are going to present about Indonesia, so you should learn more and more about it first before you speak about it. Am I right or am I right? Preferably don't use text or note while you're presenting, but this is actually up to you. 2. Pictures and videos can furnish your presentation for sure! Beautiful and original pictures or videos can also help you promote Indonesia to them. Your everyday pictures with your family, friends, teachers back home can be definitely attached into your slides to amaze the audiences (but please, not your selfies). You can also download some of the videos from Wonderful Indonesia on YouTube to be played. For example this one: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TT8J3wUX_YY. Ideally you don't need to attact a life-long 101 hours video, you just need like 2-4 minutes long videos therefore it also doesn't corrupt your presenting time. 3. Make agenda for when and where you'll go to present (and manage the right time with the teachers if you're planning to present at classes)! I used to have a small agenda note to create a timeline of when and where and what I'll present later, and how many audiences I expected to come to watch. Just don't ruin your vibe just because you don't manage your agenda correctly. Ugh, what a disaster. 4. Input the general points, assess, through speaking, the specific matters. You may input some general points only to outline your explanation, but please be specific when you speak or talk about it. Because through your explanation, they start getting to know how Indonesia is. 5. Be in right order. You aren't going to go from foods session to the geography part of Indonesia, are you? 6. BE CONFIDENT AND CLEAR. Your voice, posture, body languages, stage manners, and all. Please manage as best you can as possible. They'll see Indonesia through you, and they'll understand Indonesia through your eyes. So please be you and original. Wow. What a list. I hope you guys feel a little bit helped and can take some good points from what I've written here. And I wish you a very successful and lit IEW. Break a leg!

[nerdywriterlady]

Love In A Hopeless Place (A Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

Preface

I'll be perfectly honest, I'm a traditional novelist, and do have works completed, including a full novel as myself and a novella that's been published under a pen name. I've never written fan fiction, and never thought I would. So you might wonder, how I found myself here, penning this? I had an idea for a character, for a traditional story arc involving a British male, so I began consuming as many interviews with current British actors, ie David Tennent, Benedict Cumberbatch, Eddie Redmayne, Tom Hiddleston... to listen to speech, mannerisms, differences in terminology, etc. During what I'm affectionately referring to as a "Hiddle-binge" I came upon Tom's diary or blog of his trip with UNICEF to Guinea last January. Charities that involve children have always resonated deeply with me, from St. Jude's Children's Hospital who cared for my cousin who was diagnosed with cancer at 13 and again at 16, to Operation Smile who provide underpriviliged children with much needed cleft lip and palate surgeries as my nephew was born with both so their works are very near and dear to me. I've always known of UNICEF, I've never looked into what they do though. I had quickly developed an appreciation for Tom's works. I feel much of my own writing style and subjects have been greatly influenced by the classics that I began reading as far back as an eleven year old. So, it came as no great surprise that Tom's blog was extremely well written, and filled with enumerable passages that carried such weight to what they conveyed.

For example:

"One small ward - about the size of a single room in a two-star or three-star hotel in the UK - housed at least twenty children, some of whom I was told had slim chances of survival. Their arms and legs were indescribably thin, their cheeks tear-stained, their skin a harrowing, slate-grey. Most shocking to me was the speed and urgency of their breathing, asleep or awake, but it was uniformly unsettled and uneven. When you see a child struggling so hard simply to breathe, it makes your heart hurt..."

As I read along, and looked at the images taken along his trip, I started to see the scenes of a story playing out in my mind. It's just how I write. I've always been able to "see" the scenes and then manage to put them into words. I tried to continue focus on my original work in progress, but kept being haunted by my characters in Guinea floating in my mind as an accoustic version of Rhianna's "We Found Love (In A Hopeless Place)" echoed behind them. I've concluded that they're not going to leave me alone until I tell their story. I fought over whether to write it traditionally  or not. Tom's words are so profound at points that I feel the story would suffer without them. So I decided to fanfiction them. Putting Tom as one of the main characters. Which I suppose should lead me to a disclaimer of sorts...

DISCLAIMER: While the majority of what you're about to read is completely fiction, parts of it will be the direct quotes from Tom Hiddleston's field diary. I will strive to ensure they are marked someway as quotes and maintain their diary format. I do not know Tom, I don't own his words, none of the conversations that take place between Tom the character and the other characters in this work have ever taken place. What I hope is to entertain you with a love story on a few levels, and hopefully also spread some of the awareness that UNICEF needs and deserves.

I know that was a really long intro, but I felt there needed to be some explanation other than a tiny synopsis which will try to entice you to read the story. I don't know how long it will take to write, I'm not 100% sure where these characters are about to take me, but I thank you for reading and following along with the journey until the final stroke of the pen, as it were.

Use the following link to the story...

Love In A Hopeless Place on Wattpad

Synopsis:

Single mom, Nessa Keefe, has never left the States. Never even crossed the borders into Canada or Mexico. She shocks her family and friends when she volunteers her skills as a photographer to International relief charity, UNICEF, after watching commercials at Halloween on "Trick or Treat for UNICEF". In December, she received her first assignment. In January, she was going to Guinea. And not just Guinea, but she was going along to photo-document a celebrity's first field visit.

Actor Tom Hiddleston is world known now and world travelled thanks in part to the huge success he's had from his portrayal as fan beloved Loki in the Marvel movie series. He's about to embark on his first visit into the field with UNICEF as a Junior Ambassador. It's a trip that's going to carry with him forever, and he'll return home from Guinea, with a deeper love and appreciation for many things and people.

[doodlelolly0910]

Ok. So here's what I'm getting from your repeated condescending tone and aggressive responses. You believe you're in the right and nothing is gonna change your mind. It kind of seems to be a trend that I've ignored until now because, as you mentioned before, it's only a small percentage of your actual content. But we're this far in already so I'll continue to throw my 2 cents in cuz, hey, why not.

So let's break down the responses you gave as mentioned above. To the first anti Jen sentiments, you expressed outrage and disapproval immediately, and then when someone disagreed, as in the case with Jen's two defenders, you tried to maintain that air of neutrality. What does that say to your followers?

And that's fine if you want to resent my interpretation of the example I provided. My point there again was it is your tone that leads people to believe that you are supportive of anti Jen sentiments, which can be upsetting to some of your followers. As demonstrated in their responses. "What did she do now" reads as if you're sick of hearing all the horrible things Jen has done, like it's to be expected of her at this point. If it would have been left at only that flippant response, I would have left it alone.

It was the way you insulted and snapped at someone who appeared to be genuinely concerned with the content on your blog. And I never once said that your anti Jen tag inconvenienced me, not did I allude to it. I simply pointed out that if you use that tag, you're probably going to find something anti Jen. I'm not asking you to change it. I wouldn't expect you to. I think it's absolutely appropriate.

And for you to be so ready to discuss the so called "ammo" for season 7 antis and shut down the asks about whether or not this is the right place for one if your followers is another huge red flag that you are playing favorites. Why is an ask that someone flat out calls Jen out in "well thought out" and someone looking for information on the content of your blog (with a compliment to you, no less!) "dropping bullshit"? That seems very biased to me.

And I did not assume that this was the first time this has happened. I based all of my responses on this thread only. I'm sorry that you've gotten hate for your opinions in the past, but neither of the anon responses to this subject, to me, appeared hateful. The first anon was expressing their opinion (which I didn't agree with either, for the record) and the second was concerned on whether or not they should remain a follower. I don't know this person, and neither do you, so your assumptions that they are not a follower and trying to stir the pot are only assumptions, just as mine are that their intentions are genuine.

And I'm sorry you misinterpreted the way I worded my hypothetical. Allow me to rephrase. Simply take all of the instances where Jen's name is mentioned and replace them with Colin's. Would your response be different? I expect st least your initial one would be. You would be much more likely to take an immediately neutral stance instead of rushing out the gate with a negative comment. So no, they weren't completely different questions. Just replacing one actor's name with another.

I tend to believe people who are eyewitnesses to the occurrence. Eyewitness testimony stands up in court so I mean, it's a huge shove towards the truth in my opinion. But I intend to watch the video when it surfaces as well and I will continue to support your decision to do so.

And you know the same sentiment could be said for your accusations and assumptions of me. I disagreed with your post. Vehemently. And you have willfully misinterpreted most things I've said (as evidenced by the clarifications, redirections, and explanations I've given above) to support your argument as you see fit. It's absurd and I don't appreciate having my words twisted or ones I never said put in my mouth.

As I said before in my previous post, there was hardly an answer you gave that wasn't either A) attacking or ridiculing the poster directly or B) saying something negative about Jen. It's funny how that would give someone (several of us *cough cough*) the wrong impression.

And you are correct, this time you aren't bashing Jen, either directly or indirectly. You're clearly coming for me directly and I don't think anyone thinks otherwise. I'm totally fine with that, bee tee dubs. But I agree with the tag once again. Doubly so this time cuz, hey, my name is Jen too ;)

@doodlelolly replied to your post: Is this an anti Jen blog?

Okay I legit was not going to say anything on this little bash fest until this popped up. Are you saying that people who appreciate Killian!whump can’t also be Jen fans? Because that is a little ridiculous. And yeah. You run a large forum on a niche genre. People give a shit about what you say, good AND bad. The way you’re responding is very (unnecessarily) aggressive and you are not the only one allowed to have an opinion. You posted something on a public forum ½

And people are bound to disagree with it. I am in the same boat as this nonny. I really do like your stuff and I think you’re very talented. But this is not the way to handle something like this. Some of us really appreciate Jen in and out if this fandom and I guarantee if this was being said about Colin or Lana that it would be going a whole lot differently right now. 2/2

*sigh* First… “little bash fest” - Here’s what I’ve said about Jen today:

“Oh nooooooo… What’d she do now?”

“That’s not only ammo to bash and dismiss S7, that’s rude to ALL of her co-stars from ALL of the seasons, rude to the writers and directors and producers, and especially rude to everyone involved in S7. I’ll reserve full judgement until I see video of her saying it for myself, because tone and actual wording means a lot, but this might be the final weight on the scale of ambivalence for me when it comes to Jen.”

“Yeah, I’ll definitely need to see a video of this to make up my own mind. It seems like, as usual, some things were said that can be taken different ways… I’ll reserve official judgement until I see it :)“

“…had they not completely rebooted the show, cut costs and cast, there would’ve been no S7 in the first place. And then Jen fans would have to accept reality - that the show was failing already with Jen in it.”

“The show didn’t fail because Jen left. She jumped ship because it was already failing and she wasn’t willing to take a back seat in the reboot that ABC demanded.”

“I said I was reserving judgement until I see what was actually said for myself… but I’m already disappointed to see that Jen’s rabid fanbase is already using her words as ammunition to attack others with.”

“That IS a good takeaway :) We should ALL try to be nice to each other :)“

So… I admit, the second one’s a harsh criticism, but followed immediately by me saying I’m going to withhold my final judgement until I see a video. The rest is just me upholding that last statement and making completely benign (and factual) observations about S7 and the show’s ultimate cancellation.

Edit: Also, I want to note that EVERY one of those statements is in RESPONSE to things said TO me about Jen. None of them were said without provocation or an intial comment from someone else that directly invited my input.

My takeaway from THIS is that, as usual, I’m being painted as someone “bashing” Jen simply because I’m not actively supporting her. And that’s bullshit. There are a lot of people out there who literally don’t like Jen… and then there’s me, who doesn’t really care one way or another (but admittedly might be swayed by this, depending on my take whenever I see the video).

Secondly… I never said people who like Killian whump can’t also be fans of Jen. The ask in question was making the same leap in logic that you’re making here, where ONE critical statement and a mess of neutral statements means I’m suddenly an “anti-Jen blog” and that this is all I’ll be posting from now on. I’m sorry, but that’s not the kind of leap anyone who’s primarily following me for whump would make, Jen fan or not. In fact, ANYONE who is following me should know that my blog is about 99.99999999% Killian/Colin/Whump and a mere fraction of a percent about shit that isn’t one of those things, let alone about Jen (positive OR negative). So no, I’m not buying that this Ask came from a whump-loving follower who happens to be a Jen fan. In fact, I doubt it came from a follower of mine at all. And no, you’re NOT in the same boat as the Nonny, because you actually addressed me TO MY FACE.

In my opinion, there is no such thing as being “unnecessarily aggressive” to anonymous crap in one’s Ask box. I have ZERO respect for people who approach others anonymously, and ZERO patience for people who dump shit in my Ask box. Someone coming into my inbox on anonymous to berate me, criticize me or play silly games where they pretend to speak for people who follow me for whump isn’t showing me one iota of respect. They get NONE in return. Sorry, them’s the breaks.

Now. Final point. If “this” (everything I said above about Jen) was said about Colin… I wouldn’t give a flying fart about ANY of it. Honestly, if Colin ever said he “carried” the show - or ANYTHING he worked on - I would think that was a shitty thing to say, and I’d say so, myself. It wouldn’t be bashing him. It would be valid and warranted criticism. If I saw someone say the same about him saying such a thing? I’d agree with them. If I saw someone withholding final judgement until they saw video of it for themselves? I’d applaud them for that. If I saw someone making factual statements about him being a part of the show when it began failing? Fair enough. He was. If I saw comments theorizing WHY he left a show that I don’t agree with, but have no evidence to refute? I’d scroll past it, because what am I gonna say? “That’s one of the reasons suggested by the evidence, but I don’t personally like it, so stop saying it”? That’s not really an argument worth having, is it?

So, as usual… I dunno. Show me where I’m unfairly “bashing” Jen and I’ll give you a cookie. Or whatever you want. I won’t hold my breath, though, because as usual - whenever people who think I “hate” Jen and “bash” her are actually tasked with PROVING it, they never can. Because it’s not true.

Although, admittedly, that might change soon. I’m reserving judgement, as ALL should, until I hear her actual words for myself.