#expat family

[sunkissis]

Our Life in Paris: 5 Years Abroad

[orpheuslament]

someday i will rant in great detail about my beef with the concept of "expats" & how it is a word reserved solely for wealthy white people who decide to move to usually poorer countries so they can exploit their services & economy meanwhile the same wealthy white people spit out the word immigrant at a person just trying to survive somewhere else

[blood-starved-beast]

Can we talk about how s2 confirmed that Matilda the Pirate was real?

EDIT:

[dochuff]

Ghosts:

Every year when I return to Tokyo from West Virginia, it takes me 3 months to recover from homesickness. I spend a lot of time looking through the hundreds of photos I took just from my mother's yard of the hills and forests around us. One of my favorite subjects are sycamore trees which stand out like skeletons from darkened woods and the other trees there. I never noticed how beautiful they are when I was young and still living at home, even though I usually was very aware of the beauty of nature. Supposedly these trees were known as the ghosts of the forests by some native Americans. If true, it is obvious why.

But back in Tokyo, in an environment entirely different that the rural Appalachians they become even more ghost-like. Was I really there just 10 days ago? Is such a place even real? The ghosts of the forest, the ghosts of my younger brother, my father, and other family members seem so real back there, but here seem almost something of an imaginary world.

[abroadlifeactually]

The Soft Life or Slightly Cushioned?

I find myself contemplating what the “soft life” really means? During a conversation with one of my good friends from back home she said “girl, just embrace the soft life”. I was stunned for a minute, because nothing about my life at the moment felt soft. Is this the soft life!?!?Because it didn’t feel very soft. It hadn’t even occurred to me that it could be labeled that way.  I was a full-time housewife who’s free time was spent cleaning. I started looking into what exactly constituted a “soft life”. Quickly I realized, that label was being used very generally for vastly different ways of life. For example, there are stay at home moms (SAHM), and there are stay at home moms with nannies and/or housekeepers, and those two moms are living very different lives. At the time I was living the former.

When we first moved into our apartment, I was the main caregiver of Sunbeam, with help from my husband who is a very active dad. I was also solely responsible for all of the house upkeep, luckily my husband likes to cook and grocery shop so I had help with that part. This was the most grueling work I’ve ever done, and I worked in PR in NYC, and at a non-profit with what felt like 60% turnover. There were no breaks, no downtime, and you are plugged in 24 hours a day. The only time to myself was in the bathroom, which had to be quick because the Sunbeam is very active, and eventually that became similar to an open floor plan. I was exhausted and would crash immediately after Sunbeam went down. Nothing about that felt soft to me. There are people out in the world who would love this life, but being a housewife was never my dream. As a former professional woman, I found it much more challenging than any office job I’ve ever had.

After a few months of living in a haze, we finally sought help. A friend advised us to tear numbers off flyers on the grocery store bulletin board to find a nanny/help, which sounded crazy to me. Turns out it’s a legitimate way to find help here, so we did. We also joined facebook groups and put up help wanted posts. Eventually we found our nanny/housekeeper who changed my life. She works part-time so I’m still with Sunbeam most of the time, but now I have someone to help with the upkeep of the house, and allows me to go to appts, run errands, etc without having to pack a bag and drag my stroller onto trains and busses.

I will admit this is definitely a “softer” life, and affords me the flexibility in my life to do more self-care and things such as blogging, and working out, which is nice and necessary. However, my life does not look like what Tik Tok demonstrates as the soft life. There are no trips to chanel, or champagne brunches. My cupboard is not neatly laid out with monochromatic jars, and no matter how much we clean the apartment is always covered in toys, crushed cheerios, and whatever Sunbeam gets into. I’m still not convinced that I am living the soft life, certainly not as shown on social media. So maybe I’m living a slightly cushioned life??

I am grateful for the life that I have now, and I realize that flexibility is very privileged and that I live a life that some may desire. I love being home with Sunbeam and I wouldn’t change that for the world, but there are always challenges. Being a SAHM doesn’t feel like less work or soft work, but different work. And it’s very easy to lose your identity and feel bored and lonely, especially when living abroad. Daily meal planning (three healthy meals and two snacks) and creating an educational environment for a toddler all day with no attention span is not easy. The closet that I passionately curated over the course of several years now sits still, and is quickly being replaced by shirts with built-in bras, birkenstocks, and jogging pants. You dress for comfort and stains, which leads to fewer excuses to indulge in shopping like I would have previously. I can only speak for my experience, which might be different since I live abroad and my nanny only works part-time. But when I check-in with the fellow expat housewives in my little cohort, they all express similar sentiments so it’s not just me.

I understand the desire and the benefits to living this way, so my words aren’t meant to dissuade, but to just give perspective. From what I can see, unless you have unlimited amounts of money and a partner who doesn’t mind how you spend it, then if I am living what is considered a soft life, then it doesn’t look the way it’s shown on social media. At least if you have kids.

[sharksandjays]

one thing people dont seem to understand about TCKs is that we…dont have a home.

Because to me, home is always the last place i live. Just when i come to think of it as home, im ripped from it and expected to deal with the grief as ive done every time, in silence.

Yeah, im happy in my new “home” but i miss home. and the home before that. and the home before that. and the home before that. and the home before that. and the home before that. and the home before that.

no matter what, ill always yearn for a home that i will never be able to return to.

[sailforvalinor]

Another thing about Kingdom Keepers is that I have never encountered a series with so many internal plot inconsistencies. And pretty big ones, too. When Jez/Jess is freed from her enchantment, it’s said that Finn realizes she’s Amanda’s sister because they look alike, but in the first chapter of the next book it’s stated that they’re adopted sisters and look nothing alike. Maybeck is said to be the computer guy, but that role is quickly passed to Philby, and I’m not sure that Maybeck ever actually touches a computer for the whole series. Philby is said to sound Aussie or Kiwi, but then four books later it says that he’s British. Finn is said to have a younger sister in book 2, even though she conspicuously never appears or is mentioned in book 1, even in scenes where it makes sense that she would be (e.g., at the dinner table). It’s absolutely ridiculous. Do I still love this series to death. You betcha.

[twinklecupcake]

It's almost father's day what did Chenguang and Mei prepare for Red Son

Chenguang hears about Father's Day thanks to some tourists and one of her daycare classmates having a US father.

When Red Son picks her up that day, Chenguang is in a panic, blurting out that they have to give him presents and she almost forgot to. He has to explain to her that she doesn't have to do that, and that it's okay, they don't really do Father's Day. And besides which, she honors him every day, just being herself and existing.

Which does make her happy, but she still goes to Mei later and asks if they can still do something for him.

Mei and Chenguang end up working together to make dinner (calling Pigsy and MK to help) and Chenguang draws him a picture.

[rjnello]

BA’s Flying “Day Care Center”

Hello from my dad’s in Pennsylvania! We flew here Saturday. We are in the States for a couple of weeks: [Dad’s backyard. Bushkill, Pennsylvania. Photo by me, September 1, 2024.] I have probably flown about 6 times a year for the last thirty years, so roughly “180” times at least. I have seen a lot of nonsense – including one woman running up the aisle toward the flight deck mumbling that she…

[miss-biophys]

My daughter is making invitations for her 9th birthday party... in 3 languages depending on what the particular friend prefers/speaks the best.

I couldn't be more proud.

Czech/English/Dutch

[duchessofostergotlands]

Why don’t you like Bradley?

He annoys the fuck out of me, and the fact he's such a national treasure makes it even worse (listen to the podcast for my short rant). He has the humour of a toddler and that fake, attention seeking laugh which goes on and on even though no one has ever said anything funny enough to justify that reaction. I just don't like that he acts like he's the star of the show. It's a quiz show. I watch it for the quiz, not him laughing for ten minutes because he made a fat joke!

[natandacat]

Its become clear to me rather early that intelligence as we discuss it today is baked into eugenics, bc of the way people get genuinely grandiloquent and emotional about my intellect, always in a way that reinforces a kind of biological hierarchy. Like I'm not just smart, I'm "superior", I "dominate", etc. And its not lost on me how many of these hyperbolic admirers have been white adults, although I've sadly seen it parroted and internalized by all my peers (especially more racialized peers who were made to feel especially inferior). What is also not lost on me is how vehement my father was about the importance of being an intellectual, his way of desperately hanging onto that idea as a way to retain respect, how different his desperation was compared to the confidence of those white adults, and how many other migrants of his generation say the exact same words I've heard him say ad nauseam. So yeah. I dont much care about intelligence.

[imaginary-wanderer]

Recently, my parents came to visit me for a few days. Usually, I have close to 0 direct social interaction in my daily life (except for the delivery people) so I'm not used to speak a lot. I only speak to my pets, and very shortly during the online weekly team meeting at work (I'm WFH).

I spoke a lot more than usual with my parents...and caught a real bad laryngitis lmao It's been more than 2 weeks now, and my throat and vocal cords are starting to recover. My voice still sounds funny though, I just hope it's not like permanently broken lol

[lizbethart-blog]

I breathed in the sweet memories of a life I once lived…

A thick blanket of white snow glistened brightly as I drove down my road to the local market in Woodstock, VT. Woodstock Farmer’s Market to be specific. A market my father would have loved. Cozy and welcoming like the first Trucchi’s Market in Taunton, MA but updated. Organic and unique. Having said that my father always tried to locally source as much as possible for our family supermarkets.…

[abroadlifeactually]

Its a Vibe (Free of Ghosts)

Over the last several years my birthday has been a week-long celebration. My 30th was spent relaxing on a beach and partying in Aruba with my best friend, which ushered in the trend to always do something lavish for my birthday. I maintained this tradition with vacations and spa treatments over the years. However, things started to change when I turned 40. One, I was pregnant, and two, it was during the covid years, thus severely altering how I could celebrate.  Last year we took a trip to the Philippines as a 40th redux, and to give me much needed R&R since our move abroad earlier that year was pretty rough. It was an amazing trip, but it wasn’t the “all about me” birthday vacation I had gotten used to. Sunbeam had just started to ween off breastfeeding, so I was pumping for relief and doing my best to maintain her schedule while we were away. On our return home Sunbeam got sick in the airport leaving us quarantined in a tiny hospital room for 2 days with all our luggage, no wifi, cell phone service, or drinking water, and a toilet leaking all over the floor. But that’s a story for another time. 

This past birthday the realization set in that the old days of sipping champagne all day aren’t returning; but it’s okay because my life is evolving, and change is a natural part of growth. At first I felt the need to cling to my old bday tradition to hold on to my “bad b*tch” aesthetic. Being able to splurge on myself and luxuriate for several days made me confident and independent. However, now I’m in a place where trying to uphold those traditions along with my new responsibilities is much harder. It’s not impossible, but definitely requires a lot more effort and planning, which can feel like a lot.

So what does a good birthday look like now? Earlier this year we took a family vacation to the Maldives, and were planning a visit back west around the holidays, so traveling was not an option. I thought about what brings me joy now, as a woman with a family. Hearing the happy squeals of my child brings me life, so I opted to bring Sunbeam to an indoor play gym in the morning, since she’s still a little too young to really enjoy Disney.  We had the place to ourselves. Later that evening, my husband arranged for our nanny to come so we could enjoy the evening out. He planned a beautiful evening. We ate a 6 course meal in a private room at the top of a building with a breathtaking view of the city. I was all dressed up and felt beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed spending the day with my family.

As my life continues to evolve, my birthday celebration has to take other factors into account. This encouraged me to reexamine my perspective on what makes my birthday meaningful, and embrace what comes with evolution. I’m grateful for the way my life is progressing and all the new experiences it brings, which makes these changes all the more welcome.

Now on another note….this birthday also indicated that an ex situationship has FINALLY moved on. I met my husband back in 2016, and with any new relationship it may take some time for ex lingerers to officially cut ties. But when I was done or over a person, I would totally disappear, they’d never hear from me again.  So when Hubby and I met, I may have gotten a rogue text here or there, but for the most part we just moved forward uninterrupted.

But there was one. An ex? Not sure you could call him that, it really never got that serious, so I’ll just say someone I dated briefly. This person would send happy birthday texts every year to no response. This shockingly went on for 6 YEARS. There were no other messages exchanged in between, because we weren’t in contact. But every year without fail I’d get a random text filled with bitmoji. One year the text came with 6 different Bitmojis…. I thought about responding a few times just to say I’m married, or I’m married and pregnant, or I’m married with a kid and don’t even live in the country anymore. But I couldn’t figure out how to bring that up with a happy birthday text, and also didn’t feel conversing, so opted for cold silence instead.

These messages were especially surprising because he was the “i’m so busy” type. He made it very clear he was suuuper busy with all of his goals, so he needed to be focused. He was the type that presented as if he had it all figured out, while he questioned my ambition. The reality was, we just had different goals. But somewhere between my mid twenties and early thirties I fully accepted that I wasn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea, which allowed me to stay grounded and not take negative things men said to me seriously. It was usually them, and not me. I’m not claiming to be perfect, but I stand by that assessment. I also didn’t try to change anyone’s mind, so when our communication gradually faded, it was all good. 

At first, the birthday messages made sense, right?  We were cool, there were no hard feelings. So the first time I got a text after all communication completely stopped I responded “wow, I can’t believe you remembered, thank you”. The following year, “thank you!!!” But in 2018 I decided, I wasn’t going to respond anymore messages, to send the message, MOVE ON. But he continued, he sent birthday texts year after year, to no response. I was slightly amused, but more so confused. Like, what was the reason!?!  We weren’t friends. I’ll never know what his motivations were, but for the first time in seven years the birthday texts finally stopped. I think he’s finally got the hint and moved on, good for him.

[simbadiasporarealestate]

What to Look for in a Real Estate Agent in Kigali

When planning to buy or invest in real estate in Kigali, Rwanda, choosing the right real estate agent is essential. Whether you’re looking for residential property, land for sale, or commercial real estate, a reliable agent can guide you through the complex process of purchasing or renting property. For Rwandans living abroad, it becomes even more crucial to find an agent that understands your…