#existing in a city that changes in all of the ways i dislike

[balkanradfem]

As I moved to the city, I found a tree I liked, and there was a little bird on it one day. I sat under it and sketched it out, just shaded the silhouette of the branches and the bird within. It felt like I didn't do much, just spent some time putting pencil trail on a paper. The result was insignificant too, it held nothing that was meaningful for me to look at. It was just a way to pass the time.

However, few years back, this tree fell down. I now look at that drawing and I feel genuine gratitude I made it. It's a reminder of that tree, that it was there, and I sat underneath, and was able to draw some branches. I'll never be able to do that again, under that specific tree. It was now a drawing of a tree gone in history.

Last year, when my mental health got very bad, and I couldn't move much, I decided to make watercolors for a half hour every day, during twilight, sitting on the riverbank. I was making paintings of the bridge and the old buildings along the river. It was absolutely beautiful when the sun started setting, because all of the city lamps lit up, sending colorful stripes of glimmering light all over the river. It looked magical to me. The buildings on the riverbank were old, renaissance-looking and to me it seemed almost like they were leading up to a castle, it looked like a dream.

After drawing, I would take the paper and go home, and neighbours who recognized me on the way asked me what I've made; one of them liked the painting so much they offered to buy it. Seeing something they recognized on a painting meant something to them, it held memories.

Last week, one of the biggest historical buildings on that riverbank was bulldozed. I'm sure as it was old, there was a big threat of it collapsing on the pedestrians, and it was not used for anything anymore, it was only a memento of the past, an ornamental building that is now gone. A big empty hole replaced it, looking odd and unsettling, like there was something significant that needed to be there, but is now gone.

And I'll never be able to sit on the riverbank and make that exact same painting. Because the environment has changed to the point where it would no longer look familiar to me, it looks wrong. But my paintings, that still have the building in them, are now a historical record of how the city used to look.

That's not what I meant to do when I was drawing it, and yet with the changed context, I feel different about it. It's no longer a memento of my bad mental health and methods I use to self-soothe, it's like a little treasure, something that cannot be gained anymore. Reminder of how good the riverbank looked with that building in it.

Drawing on paper for me never does what I mean it to do, instead it always changes with how the world shifts. I wanted to make paintings of all of my favourite places in the city so I can hold it in memories, but it seems that I'm making paintings of a city that will no longer exist when I'm gone. It's unsettling that all of the things I favour in it are starting to be gone; I prefer the version in the paintings.

[acid-ixx]

I have a question, well 2 questions to be exact that’s been rattling around in my head since I started reading platonic yandere batfam fics, why would reader stay in Gotham? I’d be sneakily stealing as much money as I could without getting caught as soon as I reach a “fuck these guys” mentality. Like, asking to have some money for groceries or something and just pocketing it so that I could get a bus ticket and leave the city. Would you do it if you were reader? It just makes sense to me “this place sucks, these people suck, I’ve gotten enough to leave”, this is with me assuming that reader has the means of course, if the reader doesn’t then okay, yeah that makes sense

And my second question, do you ever feel resentful towards Alfred when you read batfam photonic yandere content? I do sometimes, especially when the reader is neglected. I know this might sound odd but when I read these fics I recognize that Alfred could do more, out of everyone in the manner, I think Alfred’s word carries the most weight, especially with Bruce due to him raising Bruce. I also notice in some batfam fics that the reader doesn’t get mad at him due to him giving them attention, but idk it feels kinda like a slap to the face, knowing that I don’t have the power but he does and yet not exercising it until I’ve burned every last tie to that family.

I know my thoughts are a more “well you’re on the outside looking in” type takes, but idk, it hurts my heart knowing that if reader stays in that city, it will be far more easier for the batfam to find them, where if they were outside the city, they’d have a fighting chance to make a new life for themselves

On a side note, I think we are underutilizing the angst potential of reader legally changing their name and the batfam not knowing until months or even years later when reader leaves. Like Bruce and the fam would just have to sit and realize that reader hates/dislikes/doesn’t care about them enough to legally change their name from Wayne to whatever reader chooses. Jason was Batman’s greatest failure, but Reader would be Bruce’s greatest failure, and what a delightful public failure it would be if the tabloids were to somehow find out that one of Bruce Wayne’s biological children changed their legal name

I’m loving your batfam content btw, like it makes me want to create one of those “screw therapy, I need to fist fight my dad” tiktoks and tag Bruce Wayne, that’s what I can phenomenal writing!! And sorry for making this so long! Hope you have a great existence!

slight spoilers for future chapters.

this is one of my favorite asks... anon, you are so brilliant because your two questions tie into the reader's character so well and the flaws that they (you) conjured from years of neglect, so i hope my answers would suffice (i am answering based on the perspective of the reader from my series: again & again with a bit of my own perspective). tysm for sending this in, i actually really enjoy long asks and appreciate it when people take the time to send me these things!

why would the reader stay in gotham?

chapter one wasn't all the detailed about why they stayed in gotham. firstly, their self-worth had them reason that in no way, shape, or form would their family that basically estranged them would come running to them, especially not when the only time the reader could even stumble across them is by some miracle of coincidence. this also ties into their lack of knowledge about their family. sure, they know that babs is the oracle but do they know just how much access she has across gotham? not really. they know tim, like bruce, has a tendency to collect information about other people, but they don't know that they have contingency plans to be creeped out enough to get away from gotham and from their reach.

"it's not like tim or bruce or barbara considered you important enough to be stalked. hah, as if!"

and the third point is, despite bruce being a billionaire of some sort, it was stated that the reader was too well-behaved and quiet. how does this make sense? as you've stated, they wouldn't simply have the means to get out. seeing as they were sheltered by alfred and never really explored the concept of traveling far away, they never asked for money; the only advantage of being a wayne is having quite a lot of things served on a silver platter.

they have this sort of toxic bond for staying with the people who have hurt them and it materialized to them physically staying despite knowing it would only cause more pain than anything else, and they don't know that. plus, they'd rather not have the wayne name associated with them and getting money from cheques or credit cards would be too risky for the reader's safety.

they've only realized just how shitty their family is after more than 10-13 years of staying in the manor, and saving up to move to an entirely different place would be difficult, alongside college and the jobs they have to take. so the next best thing they could do is rely on any means of advantage they could get whilst also moving on to the path of self-discovery and recovery.

but that doesn't mean they're staying in gotham forever, definitely not. the moment the reader realizes that dick gained some sort of interest towards them, they're booking it out of gotham. preferably to metropolis or central city or even somewhere far, far away— they're naive, but not stupid. sudden interest towards them means danger rather than anything else. and they're aware that alfred is capable enough to pull strings, so that's why spoiler alert: they have a secret stash of money hidden somewhere and like any children of bruce, they inherited the capability to be smart enough to already back up their contacts and everything on their phone, buy a burner phone and even change their entire identity in one quick go right after they move into an entirely different city or country.

gotham is merely their practice course.

do you ever feel resentment towards alfred?

quite frankly, yes. the reader in the fic feels resentment towards everyone for a reason actually, but alfred's part was stated vaguely as to not spoil a future chapter that focuses on his perspective. they know that he has the more power inside the manor more than bruce has. everyone, and i mean everyone respects alfred, and it doesn't take a genius to know that if you mess with him, you're messing with an entire family of crime fighters.

it's not obvious, but the reader's narrative in chapter one is them trying so hard to delude themself into thinking things can be better until it's too late. so in a sense, there's false narrative coming into play.

"alfred would be too busy sometimes to attend your school ceremonies because he had to assist bruce with missions. of course, you understood his priorities. after all, he tried his hardest to make you feel less lonely inside the mansion, it wasn't enough but he was there at least."

at some point in time, alfred had also neglected the reader emotionally with the same reasoning as the others; he was busy with their father. and this all could've been avoided if alfred had tried to confront the entire family about it. i'm not delving deeper into this to really avoid spoilers other than pointing out some details in the first chapter.

just know that alfred relishes in your newfound favoritism towards him, and that he may or may not have pulled some strings himself from helping you become closer to the family.

the part about reading changing their name from (name) wayne to (name) (last name) is what made me so drawn to this ask. you have pretty much predicted one of the chapters that explored (name) wayne to the public eye. they're not so much of an internet celebrity because of their rare appearances in public, but that's what causes immense curiosity about their identity to uprise in gotham, and their fame was one of the means to get to you.

there was one news article published that was the reason that made bruce distant towards you.

but let's focus on what yan! bruce would've felt once he turns a full 360.

because the first thing he would do once he has you in his grasp is to change your last name back to his. you are not the child of a (last name), you are a wayne first and foremost, bruce's third child and his greatest mistake, quite literally. you were a product of a one-night-stand, and because he was drowning in despair from jason's death, he had failed to notice you. all his years of neglect, and he doesn't even know a single thing about you, simply because he refused to acknowledge your presence.

and you rightfully hated him, he should've accepted that. but your diary entries and the way you innocently thought of him destroyed any sliver of hope for a peaceful reconciliation. he hates how you were experiencing the same type of despair as him when it comes to battling your own monsters— you truly are a wayne at heart. he couldn't afford to let you get away any further. just like dick, he needs to fix it now or further sever the already broken ties you have with him.

it's not batman now, but rather bruce. bruce wayne had failed to save another one of his children, not as a vigilante, but as a father.

knowing bruce, he's quick to take into action and search for you.

holy shit, this is a really long post but i hope it does answer the questions ! im so grateful that you like my writing enough to write a really long ask, and i hope to see your messages more once the new chapters are published <3

[thatbadadvice]

I (15f) am slightly worried that I led on some guys I did not mean to lead on.

There are two guys that I've hung out with over longer spans of time or regularly.

1. Hung out with him for several hours non-stop cause he was fun to hang out with, and we took a walk in the forest aswell, he got (slightly) touchy but not that much.

2. Works in a shop in my small city and I go there almost weekly just to hang out but always buy something, he sometimes offers me drinks for free (twice by now) or reduces the price.

They both got my insta too

However, the problem is that a) I'm not looking for a relationship and, more importantly, b) they are both in their 20s.

I took care to mention that I am only 15 to both of them but idk if that changed anything. Any advice? I also don't want to confront them directly cause I might have just interpreted it like this.

Hello, anonymous!

Thank you for writing in. I am delighted to inform you that you have excellent judgment for wondering what the hell is going on here, and for questioning these guys' behavior toward you.

Grown-ass men — and that is what dudes in their 20s are — bear the burden of not being weird to, for, or about young women of your age. It is the grown-ass men of the world who are obligated not to make you, or young women like you, feel weird about literally anything. In fact, grown-ass men should go out of their way, on purpose and with gusto, NEVER to get even within ten million football fields' worth of "(slightly) touchy" with a gal of your age. So that's my read on Mr. Walk In The Woods. I have less to say definitively about Mr. Free/Cheap Drinks, but I trust your judgment: if you feel like Mr. Free/Cheap Drinks is sending some ~ signals ~, you're right about it.

It sounds like both of these Grown-Ass Men are trying to make pretty creepo moves, so let me be clear: nothing you could ever do could even possibly in the most remote sense amount to "leading them on," because you are not responsible for the behavior of Grown-Ass Men.

I think you know this, or you wouldn't be asking the Bad Advisor this question. You know they're being weird. You know you haven't done anything beyond exist in these dudes' general sphere, which you are entitled to do! You are allowed to exist in the world without having to swat off the advances of older guys! It really sucks that girls and women can just be living our regular-ass lives and have dudes be at us like this. But you're not responsible for their decisions — whether it's a decision to offer you free/cheap drinks (with strings attached, implied) or to get (slightly) handsy during a walk in the woods.

The fact that you told both of these Grown-Ass Men explicitly that you are 15 years old should have sent both of them spinning back into the sun with shame and embarrassment, not that they probably needed it spelled out, but GOOD ON YOU for making it so clear. That is actually terribly brave of you, and they should have fallen all over themselves to not fall all over you subsequently. They should be mortified about their behavior.

You did not misinterpret their actions; and if you did, who cares? Some dudes who weren't hitting on a 15-year-old will continue to not hit on a 15-year-old? Girl, your self-preservation instinct is INTACT and WORKING. It's on them not to be creepos. Any Grown-Ass Man who is on the level and not a weirdo would 1000000000000% never need to be told "Hey dude, I'm 15" in the first place. You have good judgment. You are reading these men correctly.

So what do you do about your good judgment? Well, first — no more walks in the woods. Suddenly you have an urgent appointment that precludes all walks in woods! The benefit-of-the-doubt ship has sailed. Dude got handsy and you dislike it. Dunzo. You are unavailable for future walks in woods (or anywhere). You've got a test to study for, a practice to go to, some buddies to hang out with elsewhere. So sorry, no-can. Dude can find a 20-to-90-something-year-old woman to paw up under the canopy if that's his jam. There are scores of women his age and older who'd be glad (i guess?) to get felt up while some dude shoves them ~ romantically ~ against the bark of a moldy Hackberry.

As for Mr. Free/Cheap Drinks — look, I appreciate the appeal of a discount beverage — but I think you gotta be prepared to aggressively (politely) pay for your drinks. Dude says "This one is on the house" and you DGAF, because you've got $5 cash and you're laying it on the counter with a smile and saying "I really appreciate it, but I'd like to pay for my drink — you get it!"

It's the "you get it!" that's really the key here. It's polite, but clear. It demands that these Grown-Ass Dudes do the work of not getting it and saying so if they're gonna be that dippy about it. You can use it on Mr. Handsy In The Woods, too. You can't do X, Y, Z because Reasons -- "Gotta get back to piano practice, it would be weird if I stayed here, since we're just friends! You get it!"

You shouldn't have to do the work of offering these dippos the "you get it" out, but it's a safe and reliable way of making it clear that they better the fuck get it. Like, they better the fuck understand that you are 15 and they are being weird about this whole deal.

Practice:

"Oh, I'd like to chill but doing another big long hang alone together would make it seem like we're going out or something, and that would be weird -- you get it."

"I appreciate the discount, but if I keep taking these drinks, it'll seem like you LIKE me or something. That's weird, right? You get it!"

If either of these Grown-Ass Men gets sketchy about these very polite brush-offs, that shit is on them and will only confirm what you know: you have great judgment. These dudes are weird. If they're going to be weird, you can be so polite that they have to explain why, specifically, they are being weird and don't understand what you are politely saying, which is that their interest in you is weird.

You have not led these Grown-Ass Men on by existing in their universe. You have not led them on by being polite to them and tolerating their inappropriate advances to preserve your own safety. The concept of "leading on" is bullshit, fucked up, heteronormative dipshittery that puts the burden on women, mostly, to account for the crappy behavior of men who can, do, and should know better. I assure you these men know better, and they think you don't. That's why older guys pursue younger and teen women in the first place — they think they get to be the big men in charge, because they're afraid they can't manipulate women their own age.

Here's what, though: they can't manipulate you, either. You are clever, self-possessed and a great self-advocate. They're being weird. You're being smart. Make sure they know it.

[placeholder-mcd]

(Obligatory "I sound like I'm speaking objectively from authority but this is just my opinion and it's okay for you to like media I dislike for whatever reasons you may have")

Okay so like. while "the minecraft move trailer is so bad that it makes minecraft story mode look good in comparison" is both true and funny, can we please not start pretending that story mode is a well-crafted piece of media. as someone who has played through it multiple times (first when it originally came out and I was 12 and thought it was awesome, then later as an interactive Netflix experience with friends for so-bad-it's-good reasons) I feel pretty qualified to say it blows

Like, yes. There are so many things that MCSM got right that the movie apparently got wrong. But, like, they're all extremely common-sense things to get right -- like having the whole thing be animated, and maintaining a visual style that feels consistent with minecraft, and spending time with individual aspects of the minecraft experience that have their own communities (like redstone contraptions). that sense seems a little less common now that the movie trailer exists, but still, these are all bare minimum expectations of a piece of narrative-driven media set in Minecraft.

MCSM still completely fails, however, to have any compelling characters (RIP Reuben you were just as annoying as everyone else) or non-grating dialogue. The universe they depict isn't even well thought out! Like, okay, example:

Right off the bat, they make a big decision about how they're going to handle MCSM: they are not telling a story about people playing Minecraft the video game, but are instead depicting a universe where Minecraft is inhabited by a civilization of NPCs that have identical abilities to a player (aside from like, pausing the game or changing settings or what have you). This, in itself, is not a bad decision, but it puts the writers in a position where they need to conceptualize what is effectively a Minecraft AU. You're not playing survival mode or creative mode, you're playing Story mode. In this AU, humans exist in the minecraft world and have for a long time (centuries, at least?), they've built cities, they have language, etc. Imagine you're Jesse. Imagine you've grown up inside of Minecraft. Everyone is playing on hardcore, there is no respawning, and you live in a world filled with strange and dangerous creatures that seem hell-bent on killing you. Why the Fuck does anyone go out at night. Why isn't literally everyone combat-trained. Why is Jesse acting like he's never seen a Creeper before. Why is Petra the only member of the main party who knows how to craft a pickaxe.

At the build competition, the party is surprised that the reigning building team has a beacon. But nobody takes a second to actually investigate what that means. Did their team intentionally spawn and defeat a Wither? Doesn't that make them more badass and legendary than the order of the stone? Is there a black market for nether stars? (I think Petra is probably the one who gave them the beacon since she also trades Ivan a Wither skull. But like. Why isn't literally anyone else just going and doing what Petra does. Why aren't they impressed)

Ivan having access to a Command Block is also insane. Like, it has potential to be an extremely cool choice -- did Ivan find a way to break the fourth wall? Did he find an exploit in Minecrafts code that allowed him to obtain this? The command block has the power to just generate resources out of thin air. Ivan could actually use it to become a god and give himself creative mode. But okay, we can assume that the command block is just... Different, in the AU. Fine. It's a computing center / power core for the Wither Storm. Sure

But, like. I, even as an 11 year old, knew everything there was to know about minecraft when I played story mode (and, unlike the Movie, MCSM was actually attempting to appeal to the existing fanbase), so watching these characters who have lived for DECADES within the Minecraft universe just. Be helpless and completely clueless as to how the universe works? It makes me hate like all of them. I don't care about Jesse or Gabriel and if I actually had the freedom to perform the basic actions I could perform in Minecraft -- mining, building, and crafting -- I could use my game knowledge to pretty swiftly end the entire conflict at like any point in the story. And I'm not very good at video games. But I would expect a character who's been LIVING IN THE MINECRAFT WORLD TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT. BECAUSE THEY'D BE BETTER AT MINECRAFT THAN ANY OF US.

The whole thing is a contrived and buggy mess that feels like it was written by a Hollywood CEO who watched someone play the game for 30 minutes, looked up some basic information like how to beat the game and whether there's any in-game lore, and then riffed on that until a script outline was finished. The programmers, visual artists, and composers clearly did a ton of work to make MCSM feel like minecraft. And they did a good job -- clearly, a much better job than the Movie is going to do. But that doesn't change the fact that the Story -- the focal element advertised in the title -- completely misses the fucking mark and centers around a group of characters who are largely incompetent and stupid in an unfunny and uninteresting way. MCSM was a shitty cashgrab by telltale games and I am not apologizing to it.

[mingsoooo]

Heesung as your boyfriend

Cuz darling all the city lights never shined as bright as your eyes~

Pairing: Heesung & Reader

Genre: Romance, fluff, bullet point drabbles ig

Word count: 0.426 K

Author's note: Well, I feel like heesung is such a sweet and dedicated lover. He deserves the world, and so, it's a little rambling of how I think he would be in a relationship. Enjoy~

~Cheek kisser.  He would kiss you at any moment. When returning from work, when you are about to head out, and a kiss on the cheek just for reassurance. 

~Official cook Shares his ramyeon only with you. Late-night snacks when the lights are out are just you, him, and the phone lights. 

~Songs dedication You became his muse. The mundane moments, the times when you held his hands just because meant the world to him. His feelings, and every moment spent with him, he would dedicate it all. 

~ More smiles Your existence would be his happy pill. Since he is often very busy with work and much more focused, your presence is the only place where he can let go. You make him feel better, a little happier, and thankful you are with him.

~Steal glances  Often, he wouldn't show the feelings with him, but whenever you are around, he loves to listen to you. Whether it is how you rant about waking up or about the anime you watch, he would steal subtle glances, read your expressions, and try to learn about you more. Everyday. The little changes, the little details he never knew. 

~Softer  Heedungie becomes more softer with your presence. His poker face melts and showcases the forbidden Heesungie smile, which is mostly closed off, but not when you are near his vicinity. Even from a far distance, he would notice you. 

~Sharing  His hoodies, sweatshirts, and shirts are officially yours. He wears your earrings just because. He shares his favorite food (especially ramyeon and drinks).

~ Games  Hessungie becomes a gremlin, I swear! He loves to win, and every time he wins, he cuddles you and even lowers the loser's punishment. (He would rather you don't do the punishment, but, well, games are games.) It gets loud. The way you become more invested in the game along with him and how competitive it gets, he loves it. 

~Random compliments Loves to compliment when you least expect it. When ou come out of the shower, when you come home after a long day of work. His compliments make you have crush on him, even after being in a relationship with him.

~ Learns about you He loves to learn about your preferences, likes and dislikes, and the type of person you are. As mentioned before, he is all about details. The way your eyes shine at the sound of dumplings or the way you do your little dance while entering the kitchen when he cooks ramyeon—he remembers it all.

[spectrumgarden]

I keep thinking about how no one seems to think about nuance when it comes to like, the concept of "autistic traits / symptoms" and discussing them, and how that is intertwined with the push to not consider it a disability. And its complex to discuss, but here's my convoluted thoughts. I know it's long but I hope people will take the time to read it.

There are in fact people who do fit some commonly associated with autism traits that are not impaired by them. Let's make up a guy, for a second:

They like routine and repetition a lot but easily handle change in them. For example they wear the same set of clothes for years with no desire to ever branch out, but if you made them wear something else they wouldnt really be bothered by it as long as they dont think it's super ugly, etc. They like to watch the same movies over and over but happily agree to watch other things with their friends when spending time together, and are engaged and interested in those movies. Etc. They speak very formally or choose "complicated" words for things that could be expressed easier. They however do not face problems with communication beyond annoyance of others because they're able to rephrase things easily to be understood, and they also have a normal back and forth in conversations and initiate conversations normally. They sometimes engage in subtle self stimulating behaviors and recognize the desire to do so during boring or stress inducing times (which pretty much everyone does, btw). They dislike loud environments but do not respond with melt- or shutdowns or any other "severe" reactions, and while for example preferring to go to a museum over a club, they easily go through their daily life in busy areas like city centers, shops or cultural events like parades without issues beyond like, mild annoyance and no desire to stay for longer than necessary. They have strong interests in seemingly random topics and spend quite some time researching or engaging with those, but they do not view the world through the lense of said interest, they do not neglect caring for themselves or fulfilling academic or professional responsibilities because they are so engrossed in their interests, they are easily able to hold conversations about other topics. I could go on.

This person would not be diagnosed with autism by any doctor who pays attention to the impairment clause of the diagnosis. They would probably be told "you're subclinical / you do not meet enough criteria / ..." While his person would probably relate quite a bit to (parts of) descriptions of (level 1 and / or low support needs and / or high masking) autism. And this is an imaginary person I made up, but these people obviously exist (and as a side note, are probably what people refer to when they talk about "everyone being a little autistic" etc)

And this person being told they're not autistic might be upset. Because clearly, they have so many autistic traits. They relate to so many videos! But the thing is! There is no impairment! The one thing that connects all of the symptoms related to autism to the actual diagnosis. This does not mean they do not in fact relate to the autistic experience. This does not mean these parts of their life or personality are fake / non existent / not important to who they are and how they experience things. But it is important to differentiate. If they consider themselves autistic, if the world considers them autistic, it waters down the definition to a point of being categorically useless from a medical standpoint, from a standpoint of figuring out who needs support and in what ways. Who needs (early) intervention, who needs extra support in school or at work or at home or in public.

And like. Humanity at large will probably always want to shove themselves into random categories. "Which character are you like?" "What is your personality style?" "What is your star sign?" or "which sports team do you support", and countless more come to mind. I dont think this imaginary person is wrong or silly for wanting to find a category of people they are like, or recognizing this similarity with some autistic people. I wouldnt even mind if they made up a non-clinical category / group of people who relate to autistic experiences without the impairment. It would get the point across that it is a group of people with shared experiences, but it is not the same as autism.

However autism is increasingly treated like something thats just a personality type without impairment, by people online and offline. And when they go "this is an autism symptom" without nuance, without looking at the need for impairment, or even differential diagnosis, it spreads that attitude. "Liking to eat the same foods is an autistic trait"... or is it normal to have food preferences to a degree if it does not cause you stress to eat new foods, if you are capable of eating other food if hungry and presented with them and not the food you prefer? Or is this person anorexic and their mind has created categories of "allowed to eat" and "not allowed to eat" based on arbitrary categories relating to their fear of weight gain? "Only eating with small spoons at home is a common autistic trait"... or is it a harmless preference as long as you are still able to eat food outside a strict routine set up with zero possible deviations? Or is it a person with OCD and eating with small spoons is a compulsive behavior for some sort of intrusive thoughts?

I could go on forever. But in the end, these short sentences are all the same. They are, at the same time: autistic experiences and allistic experiences, because they are so non specific. They are watered down and any additional information is removed.

autism is about a specific combination of experiences that impair you. That's literally all it is. It does not automatically turn us into a category of "other" that is fully not possible to relate to, because we are human too. And some of it will be relatable to people that are not autistic!

And there is value in discussions of experiences of autistic people that go beyond the impairment, as long as we do not forget about it, or treat it as secondary instead of the defining factor. I dont mind if autistic people bond over something they're not impaired by, that they see as a common experience, for example not easily going along with authority. Being creative. Preferring the small spoon (without being impaired by it while having other impairments), whatever, and call those common autistic experiences. But those are not the pillars of what make up autism and solely relating to them should not be your reason for calling yourself autistic. Neither should relating to commonly impairing symptoms without being impaired by your version of them. The impairments resulting from abnormal development are what makes someone autistic.

There needs to be more nuance, detail, when discussing autism symptoms. And the push to, at the very least, expand autism into an area of experiences that do not cause impairment of any kind, or worse claim it never caused impairment, need to stop. It does not help anyone.

I genuinely think part of the whole "everyone is autistic these days" crowd who likes to go after people and invalidate them has picked up on some of this, but they lack the skills to criticize it for what it actually is and / or they want there to be a simple solution, which is that everyone who calls themselves autistic online who does not fit their very stereotypical view is faking. They are wrong of course. But I dont think this comes out of nowhere. There is something to criticize about how autism is treated in many circles, especially among younger people.

I'm really not sure how to end this post because I like to come to some conclusions on my long posts but just. Uhm. The way some people treat "autistic traits" as completely unrelated to the impairment they cause while staying exclusively autistic traits is wrong. The way people try to redefine autism is harmful and in the end not needed because they could simply invent other words for that experience.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

IG this might be the wrong blog to ask (do you have a main?) but what are some things you hate about the show/fandom that don’t relate to Zutara? Is “The Great Divide” really that bad? The comics? The Legend of Korra?

Okay, let's split these in categories

What I dislike about the original show

How we never really see much about the cultures of the Air Nomads and Water Tribes, and that the planned episode about Aang's parents was scrapped.

How Ty Lee basically has no arc and just went from "Hates being part of a matched set" to "Happily part of a matched set."

How Toph didn't really get any resolution with her parents, be it a reconciliation or a decision to cut contact like Zuko did with Ozai.

How the Lion Turtle wasnot introduced much earlier and instead used a Deux Ex Machina. We all know Aang won't kill Ozai, guys, you don't have to pretent, just let us know there's something Aang can to do avoid it and go revealing stuff about energybending little by little, then give us the final piece of the puzzle in the finale.

How the White Lotus was clearly a retcon that stopped making any sense after season two and that they're actually pretty fucking useless when you think about it.

How the show basically forgot that Iroh was very much a villain in season one, and for most of his life, therefore he has no right to call Azula crazy and dismiss her as a lost cause.

How Iroh says it wouldn't be right for him to kill Ozai, even if he could, because history would just see it as just a brother killing another brother for power, then IMMEDIATELY sending his 16-year-old nephew to a battle to the death with his 14-year-old niece - all while the White Lotus FINALLY decides to do SOMETHING and frees Ba Sing Se...

...Which looks horrible for Iroh when we think "Oh shit, last time he tried to capture it because he thought it was his destiny, his son died, and now he sent his nephew to a battle in which nearly dies and gets another scar while he's off trying to free that same city because of destiny again." (Seriously, when it comes to Ba Sing Se, don't let Iroh do ANYTHING other run a tea-shop in it. Somehow it always shows the ugly side of his personality).

How "Sokka's Master" is really an episode that did not need to exist at all because while Sokka had always wanted to be a warrior, he never really expressed any insecurity about being a non-bender and was only ever teased about it once. It just felt like an obligatory "The dude with no powers is important too!" episode and not a natural stepping stone of the narrative.

As for "The Great Divide" it is a pretty boring episode... but it's not as bad as people say. I don't think the original Avatar had any episodes in which nothing is important or at least creative and/or cool. I like the music in it, the world-building is kind of neat, the theme of helping refugees is pretty coherent with a show about war, and the animation changes when we are told the versions of the story on what these people hate each other was pretty cool.

What I dislike about the novelizations of the show

While some of the attempts of exploring how characters felt in some scenes really works and provides some interesting interpretations, others just fall completely flat and feel a bit OOC.

What I dislike about The Lost Adventures comics

That ridiculous story with Katara being way too pushy with Aang's training for no reason and refusing to communicate with him when he wants to talk about the kiss on the day of the invasion. She would never treat him like this.

What I dislike about the Azula In The Spirit Temple comic

The bits that remind me "Oh yeah, that's supposed to be set in the same universe of the Yang comics." Other than that, it is a pretty good stand-alone story and it allowed Azula to be turned into a deeply offensive stereotype about the mentally ill.

What I dislike about (most of) the comics and Korra

Nearly everything. Seriously, I don't know how the reception to these were mostly mixed instead of on the same level of hatred the fandom has to the Shyaman movie. The character assassination and lack of understanding of what made the original story good is EXACTLY the same, yet because it had Bryke's approval/involvement people expect me to take it as canon and it's NOT gonna happen.

What I dislike about the Netflix version

It exists. I'm sick of all the bullshit, souless remakes/reboots that are clearly just crash-grabs for companies that completely forgot they can make money AND art at the same time. I especially hate the trend of beautiful 2D animation being replaced with cheap cosplays, ugly CGI and poor lighting to pretend it is the "dark, mature version of the story"

What I dislike about the fandom itself

To make a really, really, REALLY long list very short and not really rank them 'cause it'd take forever:

1 - The blatant ableism towards Toph and Azula.

2 - The constant delusion about Avatar being "just like Game Of Thrones" and "not a kid's show."

3 - The people still insisting that the Netflix version, Korra, and the comics are good or "not that bad."

4 - The weird way some people act like Zuko was the first character to ever get a redemption arc and that everyone who does it now is taking inspiration from it.

5 - The refusal to accept that uncle Iroh was never perfect, both due to oversight of the writers AND deliberate narrative choices.

6 - The people that act like the show was trash just because of a few bad choices.

7 - The people that act like the show is perfect.

8 - The people that act like Bryke's interpretations are the only ones that matter.

9 - The inability to not harrass others for not agreeing with them.

10 - The weird, stupid people that act like Sozin and Azulon were not that bad and not just as power-hungry, racist and cruel as Ozai.

11 - The people that don't understand how Aang killing Ozai would be character assassination AND a deep betrayal of the themes and morals of the story.

12 - The people that keep losing their shit if you want a character like Azula to have a redemption arc because it'd "make Zuko's less especial" (it wouldn't, and I know that because HE WASN'T THE ONLY CHARACTER TO GET REDEEMED IN THE STORY, hell, he wasn't even the first).

13 - The downright offensive and disgusting need the fandom feels of sweeping Zuko's mistakes under the rug, no matter how bad they are, because they think he needs to be perfect otherwise he was not truly a victim of abuse.

14 - The way people just full on make shit up to support their headcanons, ships and theories.

15 - The blatant racism.

[chishiyaisasnack]

Dare, part 3

Part 2 Part 4

A new chapter of the smut series is here! Thank you for all the support on the last two parts. This part is written in both Chishiyas and the readers pov. When you see ”——” it means that it changes pov. When you see ”————” it means it just jumps forward a tiny bit in time.

I’m writing and posting this on mobile so I apologize for any wierd formatting.

Disclaimer! This is pure smut and very nsfw. Stay away if you’re not of age or if you don’t like to read about it. This is fiction. Be safe and use a condom irl.

Tags: @chishiyashoodie @jimingotjams

Chishiya was rarely a man on a mission but the time he spent trying to figure out how he could get a hold of sex toys were taking up most of his time right now. He could ask Kuina, but he would either have to tell her that he was going to use it on you, himself, someone else, or maybe that he was planning on gluing them to some of Niragis guns (which honestly sounded like a great idea for a later date). Either way, he was never going to hear the end of it. So that option was a no. Then there were the option of just asking the Hatter if he had some. If anyone would have a stash of toys it would be him. But that was also a clear no. The third option was to actually go and look for a store, and even though it was the most bothersome one it was the only option he could stand. So the next time he had to go to a game he decided to leave early and walk through the side alleys of Shibuya until he found one. And he actually did. Who knew that whoever created this world would keep sex shops in it? It was the first time he was in one and he was almost too overwhelmed with how many things that actually existed within the world of adult toys. Dildos in shapes and sizes he couldn’t even imagine, vibrators, rings, ropes, handcuffs and so on. Just the variations of lube to choose from was endless. He ended up picking out some of the simpler stuff, things that didn’t seem too complicated to use. He grabbed it and a handful of batteries and then hid it in a backpack that he later left outside the game area so that no one would see him carrying around a bag of dildos. He’d rather die than face that scenario.

When the game was over and he’d made his way back to the Beach he was exhausted, but put his remaining energy into getting back to his room unseen. One good part of making everyone dislike him was that nobody would ever stop to talk to him, just like he wanted. As soon as he got back to his room he locked the door, turned on the bedside lamp, sat down on the bed and got to work with figuring out how everything he brought back with him worked.

————

Finding you was easy. You were usually either in your room or on the roof, looking out over the city and trying to get away from the reality you all were in. He always started with your room, and today, once again, he found you staring at him with that wonderful, annoyed sigh coming out of your mouth when you opened the door to see who was knocking on it. He had really gotten in your head and he enjoyed it immensely.

”What do you want Chishiya?” you asked while he pushed his way between you and the doorframe without even thinking about asking if he could come in. He kicked off his flip flops and walked towards your bed.

”I took up on your offer and found some stuff” Chishiya answered with a smug face as he put down the backpack on the bed.

”My offer? Stuff?” you questioned to the sound of him openening the zipper. You turned around to face the bed and was met with him turning the backpack upside down and a flood of sex toys falling onto your bed.

Chishiya turned his gaze over to you. The face you were making was great, confused and shocked, but with a hint of amusement your eyes.

——

”What the fuck, Chishiya?” You could barely believe your eyes but you had to admit that you were curious. ”How? Why? When?” you asked, trying to take it all in.

”I found a shop on my way to the game last night” he started explaining, like it was the most normal thing in the world. ”You said you’d use them while I watched if I got some for you but I don’t know what you like so I got a few for you to choose from.” he proclaimed while pointing at the colourful pile he had created on the bed.

”A few? There’s like twenty of them there” You didn’t have to count to know that there were an excessive amount of dildos, vibrators and other stuff laying on the foot of your bed, spread out in all their glory.

Chishiya smirked as he sat down on the bed and waited for you to come over.

”So, which one - or ones - do you want to start with?” he asked, leaned his head to the side, and patted of the bed to signal for you to sit down.

”Okay, first of all, who said that I was going to use any of them?” you stated as you started to make your way to the bed.

”You did. You said that you’d show me as long as I didn’t make the toy myself. I didn’t make any of these so that deal is done.”

”You… I said I might use them. Might” you crossed your arms over your chest in an attempt to look more assured but in reality you were just trying to grasp the situation. A rainbow of pleasure was layed out in front of you, and you had to choose if you wanted to try it out in front of the man you couldn’t stand most or the time, or if you wanted to throw him out of the window.

In the corner of your eyes Chishiya looked up at you, eyes dark and curious. He already knew that you would say yes, the glint in your eyes said it all. He just needed to coax it out of you. So he said, with that low, dark voice that he knew that you couldn’t get enough of:

”Then which one might you use for me, y/n?”

————

How did you end up laying down on the bed with your head on a pillow, in your panties and with a dildo in your hand? To Chishiyas great pleasure you gave in as soon as you heard that voice again - the fucker knew that you had a soft spot for that voice, even though it’s only been a few days since the first and only time he’d used it. He was of sitting on the egde of the bed with a front row view of your body and what would soon be the greatest show of his life.

”Aren’t you going to take those off?” he questioned and pointed at your lacy underwear still secured on your hips. The rest of your clothes were already in a pile on the floor but somehow you hadn’t mustered the confidence to take off the last piece.

”Mhmm” was all you could answer, still trying to get over the feeling of embarrassment that was occupying your mind. You had chosen to go with what you knew, a pink dildo type vibrator, smooth with a bent end that were there to put pressure on your g-spot inside of you. It came with a bunch of vibration settings and you had experience with them all, considering that you owned your own copy of that particular toy back in the real world. You held it with a crushing grip while gathering courage. You wanted to do this. You wanted to show Chishiya what he was missing out on. You wanted to tease him, cry out his name while he couldn’t do more than watch you. You wanted to drive him mad and then push him away to get a taste of his own medicine. However, the though about being watched like that was making you shy. Masturbating wasn’t new to you but it was still very private and not something you’d just share with anyone.

——

Chishiya sensed your hesitation and decided to try and ease your nerves. He moved from the edge of the bed and sat down next to you, legs crossed in front of him with one of his knees touching one of yours. He started by caressing your thigh, his hand soft and warm, leaving a burning trace after it when he moved it over you, from your knee and up to your hip. He squeezed the soft skin of your waist and then left a feather light scrape of with his fingernails over your stomach. He traced the goosebumps he created, using just the tips of his fingers to create even more of them. Then he moved down to the lace trim of your panties. He slipped his thumb right under it and ran it from one side of your hip to the other, never inching closer to where you wanted him but never going further away either. When he reached your other hip he removed his hand and shifted so that he could hover over you and placed a soft kiss right below your belly button. He kept kissing you, all over your stomach, chest and right under the curve of your breasts. Your body, and mind, relaxed under his warm lips and the ends of his hair that were tickling your skin whenever he moved. You ran your fingers through the soft strands, a gentle and caring touch that always took Chishiyas breath away. He was used to being treated roughly, his whole life had been pushing away feelings until he became numb. Sex was just sex, touching was just touching. There had never been anything more to it. But whenever you did something so small, so gentle, he couldn’t help but to let himself enjoy it and feel safe for a second. He wasn’t much for intimacy but you were helping him to open up to it bit by bit, even if he tried his hardest not to.

Chishiya left one final kiss on your sternum and sat back up again, watching your body move after him while he did so.

You were beautiful like this, completely submissive to his touch and ready to be molded into whatever he wanted. He was in awe over how trusting you were when it came to this. You were strong and nobody could cross you if you didn’t want them to. You were respected by everyone. Chishiya had seen it as a challenge to break you, to see that strong facade shatter, but no matter how much he had tried you were always a step ahead of him. You saw through the manipulation and the games he tried to play. He never thought that it would be so fucking exciting to have someone not fall for his mind games. You challenged him. In the end you were the one that got in his head, not the other way around. Yet there were this side of you that only he got to see. Vulnerable, intense, trusting. You gave yourself to him, not just with the physical part of the sex but the mental part of it. That was why he kept coming back. And now you were going to surrender again, and he was so turned on by it that it was almost painful.

”Chishiya…” Your whisper snapped him out of his thoughts and he met your eyes with his. Moving his eyes to your center he swiftly pulled your panties down your legs, making sure to drag his nails along your thighs as he did. Before the panties even hit the floor, he spread your legs, got inbetween them, leaned in, and buried his tounge between your folds. The mewl you let out went straight to his cock, making it strain against his swimtrunks even more than it already did. He tasted you like he was starving. Long licks followed by circles around you clit, just to go back down and tease your entrance and then do it all over again. You were so warm and wet against his mouth and the way that you rolled your hips against him while frantically grabbing his hair just fueled him on. He kept going, making you fall closer and closer to the edge that you were searching for. Every gasp and moan was like music in his ears, and he was the one playing you like an instrument.

He didn’t stop until he remembered why he did this to begin with - to get you to finish this yourself.

With a smirk he sat back up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand while watching your heavy breathing and body shaking under him.

”I dare you to show me what you look like when you think of me doing that to you”

——

Fuck it, you thought as he watched you with that intense, confident stare that told you that he knew that you would take up on his dare, he was just waiting to see how long it was going to take. You put your foot on his stomach, which was unfortunately still covered by the hoodie, and pushed at him. He got the hint and moved back to the edge of the bed again, still sitting with his legs crossed and facing you. The smirk on his face grew bigger with every second and you couldn’t wait to get it off of him.

You sighed, moved around a bit so you laid comfortably with your head on your pillows and your knees bent. He had a perfect view of you and you kept reminding yourself not to be embarrased and instead give him more than he could ever dream of. You were going to blow his mind.

You started by slowly dragging the tips of your fingers over your stomach, moving your body with them just to show off, and by there way he looked at you it was working. His smirk was gone and his dark eyes were intense, and moving between your hand and between your legs like he couldn’t decide what he wanted to watch more. When you got to your mound you let them linger there, just for a bit, just to make him impatient enough to want to move your fingers by himself.

”I’ll do this on one condition” you said breathlessly as you kept inching your fingers further down, still not touching where he wanted you to.

”And that is?” You could tell that he was struggling to keep his composure and it gave your confidence another boost.

”You can’t touch yourself unless I tell you so” you continued. He put his hands in his pockets as a gesture.

”Good boy” you whispered. You weren’t sure if it was your praise, your fingers finally moving to your clit or a combination of the two that made Chishiya stop breathing for a second, but it didn’t matter. You fluttered your eyes closed, started moving one of your fingers in a circle around your clit and let out a needy moan. Your other hand was still gripping the toy but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that part yet.

”I always start with my fingers” you informed him. This was going to be fun. ”I keep wishing it was your fingers though. They feel so good against me.” Chishiya swallowed hard.

”I want to get myself so wet that the toy slides right in. Just like your cock does.” you hummed, moving your fingers down to your entrance. ”Like this.” You slid two fingers into yourself while moaning quietly. You started to slowly thrust them in and out while pressing them upwards. ”I can never reach properly, your fingers feel so much better. They’re so long. So good.” you continued. When you opened your eyes you knew that your tactics were working. Chishiya was breathing faster, his chest rising and falling in a hurry. His hands were still in his pockets but you could see how hard he was holding his fists.

You removed your fingers and held them up so that both you and him could watch the wetness caught inbetween them as you inspected them.

”You always get me so turned on, Chishiya” you murmured while you were drying your fingers by dragging them along your inner thigh. His breath hitched at the sound of his name as he followed the wet stripe your fingers left on your soft skin. ”I have a toy in the real world, one just like this one” you continued while holding the dildo up to show him. His eyes sparkled with curiosity. ”It helps a lot when there’s no one there to fuck me”. You put it between your legs and ran it along your folds, getting it nice and wet. Chishiyas eyes followed it like a dog follows a treat.

”I wish it was warm, like you are” you purred, eyes on his. ”But putting it in, just like this,” you slowly inserted the dildo, closing your eyes and gasping dramatically, until you bottomed out. ”…always feel so good”.

——

Chishiya licked his lips, almost carnivorously. What he wanted was caught between wanting to watch you fuck yourself and wanting to fuck you himself. He went with the first option, only because he knew that he probably wouldn’t get another chance to see you do it, and he wasn’t going to miss out on this opportunity. But, damn, it was hard. He wanted to throw that toy out the window and fuck you until you couldn’t move. He wanted you to beg for him to take over and show you that he could do it so much better than you could yourself. His cock was aching and his fingers were going numb from how hard he was clenching his fists but he didn’t move a muscle, doing everything in his power to not disturb you.

He kept watching you as you slowly started to thrust the pink toy in and out of yourself. It was glistening, slick from your insides and Chishiya wanted it to be him so badly. Every time it bottomed out you gasped and moaned, the volume picking up with the speed of your movements.

”It’s never enough, ahhh, with just this” you gasped as you reached in with your other hand. ”I always need something more.” You started to circle your clit with your index finger in the same pace as you moved the dildo, increasing the amount of pleasure you were building up.

”I can never come with just the toy, I need this part too.” You punctuated your statement by putting more pressure on your clit and arching your back a little to the feeling it created. ”You’re the only one that has made me come without touching me here. Fuck, you feel so good inside me, Chishiya.”

A quiet groan left Chishiyas mouth before he could stop it. He knew that you were talking like that just to tease him, but it worked. He watched attentively at the way you were moving the toy, the depth, the speed, the power behind the movements. He noticed how you seemed to like it, small, deep and fast moving thrusts, almost as if you were grinding against it. The finger on your clit moved in circles, sometimes up and down just to get some change in sensation. He saw the way your thighs were trembling as you dug your heels further into the bed to get a better angle. Your eyes were closed and mouth open, gasping and softly moaning his name. Then you turned on the vibrations.

You started at the lowest setting, getting used to the intensity of the vibrations inside you. The small buzzing sound were filling up the silence inbetween the sounds of pleasure coming from your mouth.

”I always start on the lowest setting.” You explained between gasps. ”I can feel everything. Like you can when I moan around your cock.”

Chishiya almost choked on an inhale. A quick memory of your mouth around him flashed before his eyes and that memory went straight down to his cock, still aching and neglected. You had been so good, on your knees with your lips wrapped around him. He practically had to pull you off him. Good times.

You definitely noticed how flustered that made him and Chishiya didn’t even bother trying to hide it. His mind was trying to come up with every excuse to get some friction too. Even grinding into the matress seemed like a great idea. He couldn’t stop staring at the toy that was fucking you deeply, and imagining that it was him. He imagined you clenching around him, pulling him in deeper, grinding your hips on him the same way you were grinding against your hand right now. The desire he felt was overwhelming, his whole body hot and tense and craving release.

”I’m close” you panted as you sped up your movements. ”I wish I could come around you.”

He wanted that too, to feel how wet and tight you would be around him right before you came. His cock twitched again, precum leaking from the tip and staining his boxers. He didn’t even care about the mess, he just wanted to…

”Fuck, I want you to come inside me as I come around your cock.”

That was when Chishiya reached his limit. He couldn’t stand just watching anymore, he needed to be a part of it all. He used the small amount of willpower that he had left and instead of taking his shorts off, he leaned in and put his hand on the toy. Your eyes flew open in suprise, but you didn’t tell him to move away. Instead you guided him, let him get a feel of how you liked the dildo being moved, and then let him take over.

Chishiya used his other hand to push away yours and take over moving circles around your clit, soft but hurried movements, matching the speed of the thrusting.

He could feel how the toy moved inside you, how you became tighter and tighter around it the closer you got to your release. He watched the way your throat moved when you swallowed, the way your back arched, your mouth as you kept whispering ”yes, yes, yes” over and over again. Your legs starting to shake, your fingers gripping the sheets and your eyes fluttering closed.

Then he pulled the dildo out and stopped touching you all together. You let out what was almost a screech, and looked at him in disbelief.

”Why did you stop!?” you groaned, clenching your legs together. You had been a second away from your orgasm and he tore it away just as quick. ”I was going to come!”

”I know.” Chishiya answered, eyes dark and full of desire as he looked down on you. Your expression was lovely. Annoyed and flustered. Almost angry that he took away your fun. Well, now it was his time to have fun. ”Don’t worry, I’ll let you come. I’m just going to try something first.”

He spread your legs open once more and positioned himself between them before carefully inserting the toy again. He started with long, deep strokes, going all the way in and all the way back out until only the bent tip was still inside you. His eyes were laser focused on how your body took it in, and how it almost didn’t want to let it go.

”Chishiya, please…” You were trembling under his touch, grinding against him, trying to get him to do more. He looked back at your face and studied it while he kept moving his hand. You were panting, eyes half open and cheeks flushed red. And even though you were begging him, pleading for release, you still had that confidence in your eyes that made him so intrigued by you. You conciously surrendered yourself to him, but you could take back the power in a second. It was thrilling.

With his patience running low he decided to give you what you wanted and started to move the toy deep, hard and fast. You immediately let out a moan, almost as a ’thank you’.

”Touch yourself” he quietly ordered and you followed his words right away, moving your hand between your legs to brush your fingers over yourself. It didn’t even take a minute for you to be close again. Chishiya could see all the signs. Legs shaking, moans getting louder, desperate pleas falling out of your mouth. And just as he felt you clenching harder around the toy, when your whole body tensed and you were right on the edge, he pulled it out again.

The strangled cry you let out fed Chishiyas hunger for more, and when he swatted your hand away from yourself and was met with utter desperation on your face, he put the dildo back in. This time he didn’t wait, he did just as you liked right off the bat. You were close straight away, breathing like you couldn’t get enough air no matter how much you tried, legs kicking around inbetween the rolls of your hips.

”Fuck… please let me come.” You pleaded as you kept getting closer. Chishiya had other ideas.

”But you look like you’re enjoying yourself so much already..” he answered, eyes still glued on your face. He studied the way you bit your lip right after you moaned louder than usual, the way your eyebrows scrunched together when he started touching your clit again and the anger in your eyes when he pulled out the toy for the third time. And then the satisfaction when he threw the toy to the side and pushed himself in instead.

Chishiya didn’t waste any time. He drove right into you and fucked you the same way that he had with the dildo. He was bent over you, caged in by your arms clawing the hoodie off his back, and your legs crossed around his waist. You felt incredible. So tight, so wet, so fucking good that he could barely stand it. He bent his neck down, placing his lips right above yours as he kept rocking into you with all the power he could find within himself.

”Come for me” he whispered, feeling how your whole body shivered at his words. He wouldn’t last long either. Not when you were clinging to him like this, blurry eyes filled with desire and need staring back into his. ”I wanna feel you come around me. Come on my cock and I’ll come inside you.” Your eyes flew open and then he felt you tighten around his cock so hard that it felt like he almost lost bloodflow. Then you broke.

With an inhale so deep that it sounded like you were drowning, followed by a broken sob, you came. Your whole body spasmed, back arching so much it looked painful, and your head bent backwards into the pillows as you cried out, orgasm taking all of you with it. Somewhere in the middle you managed to kick Chishiya out of you so that you could squirm away from him and curl up on your side to get away from overstimulation while your body kept trembling. He watched as you clenched your legs together, your hands still gripping the sheets around you.

Chishiya was almost in shock over how absolutely amazing you looked. Your skin was glistening with sweat and your muscles danced under it with every pulse of what was left of your orgasm. You looked so satisfied, so fucked out, so wrecked. He sat back on his heels and just looked at you. The fact that he just blue balled himself was probably karma for the edging he’d just done to you. It was worth it.

”Shit” you hissed from the pillow you were currently sticking your face in.

”Feel good?” He asked, proud of himself for being the cause of it. He tapped a finger on your foot to get your attention.

”Mhmm…” you muttered back while turning your head up towards him.

————

Your whole body ached when you looked at Chishiya sitting next to you. Your legs felt like jelly, your stomach like you had the worst ab workout ever and your arms like they lost all function. How the hell had he made you come that hard? You thought you’d loose conciousness for a moment right before the orgasm hit. Not to mention what he said. It almost killed you on the spot. Sent you straight to heaven. Cause of death: Chishiya telling you to come on his cock. Fuck, he knew exactly what he was doing and it had worked wonders.

You felt Chishiya trailing the tips of his fingers along the curve of your hips, down to your thigh and then placed his hand over your knee. The warmth of his hand spread wherever he was caressing you, soothing your aching muscles with just a touch. He looked so proud of himself. You guess he earned it, so you let him have it without complaining this time. Then you looked down and realized that he was still rock hard, so hard it looked painful.

You gathered some strenght and rolled over so that you laid on your back again, then took a hold of his hand.

”Come here” you said as you spread your legs and pulled him back over you. His brows arched in suprise.

”You didn’t get to come…” you murmured as you raked your fingers down his chest and abdomen, feeling his breath hitch as you did. You continued downwards until your fingers met his cock, warm and wet under your touch. When you closed your hand around him he let out a shuddering breath and leaned his head into the crook of your neck.

You started to move your hand over him, up and back down again, slow and carefully. Your other hand was in the back of his neck, tangled in his hair, running through the soft strands. You could tell that he was trying to hide that he liked it but you always saw a glimpse of tenderness in his eyes when you touched his hair like that, and it filled you with warmth. Like you somehow managed to break through his cold outer shell and give him some comfort.

His breath was hot on your neck, quiet groans mixed with them as they reached your ear. You kept a slow pace as you stroked him, mixing it up by letting your fingers dance over him and slide your thumb over the head, which earned you a different reaction from him each time. His hips started to move with your hand as he rocked into the soft hold you had on him.

You wanted to praise him, tell him how good he had made you feel, but you had a feeling that it would be too much for him so you opted to show him instead. You wished that you had the energy to get on top of him and ride him nice and slow, to thank him for making you feel so good. Instead, you trailed kisses over his shoulder and up over his neck. You moved the hand you had in his hair, down his back and along his sides, lightly stroking in time with you other hand.

He cursed as he came, spilling hot and wet over your stomach. You jerked him through it, getting him all over you as you kept moving your hand, drawing out every ounce of pleasure in him. When his cock had stopped twitching you gave him a few more soft strokes before letting him go.

After a few breaths to steady himself he sat back up. Both of you looked down on your stomach and chest, seeing white liquid sprayed all across it. For some reason you really liked the view. He never came on you because he really didn’t like to leave a mess, no matter how many times you told him that it wasn’t gross to you.

Without thinking you moved a hand down and let one finger brush over one of the traces he had left, still warm and wet against your skin.

”Why would you do that?” Chishiya looked down on you with furrowed brows before he started to look around the room, probably looking for something to clean you up with.

”Why not?” You pointed at your bedside table drawer and he crawled right over to pick up some tissues that you had laying in there.

”You’re strange.” He leaned in over you again and started to clean you up, bit by bit until he was satisfied.

”You’re self concious. It’s nothing wierd you know.” You cocked you head to the side and continued to watch him as he threw the paper in a waste basket next to the bedside table.

With an eye roll he stood up, went over to the sofa you had on the other side of the small room and got a blanket that was thrown over a cushion. He went back to the bed and threw it over you instead.

”Thank you.” You crawled down under the blanket until only your head popped up from under it.

Chishiya sat down on the edge of the bed and put his clothes back on. His back was just as beautiful as the front of his body. He had some beauty marks sprinkled across it, smooth skin and muscles flexing under it as he moved around. Unfortunately the hoodie was back on all to soon and your ogling had to stop.

Once he was done getting dressed he spun around so that he was facing you. His hair was a bit of a mess, some strands hanging wildly out of place. His face looked tired, but in a ’I just had a great time’-tired way. The stupid smirk was back on.

”It seemed like the toys were a great idea after all.” He looked down at the discarded pink toy that was laying next to you before he looked back at you with a face full of pride. Ugh, you were going to do this again, wouldn’t you?

”I guess.” You answered, not giving him much of a reaction.

”The kick was a bit unneccesary though”.

”What kick?” Worry started to form in the pit of your stomach. You didn’t remeber kicking him. Had you hurt him?

”You kicked me off you when you came.” He said with a huff. ”You could have just told me to back off, you didn’t have to kick me in the stomach.”

The worry you had felt went away immediately when you saw his smirk turn into a grin.

”Don’t scare me like that, I thought I hurt you.” You sighed and shimmied around under the blanket to get more comfortable. You turned on your side and let out a content sigh. Your body felt like mush and you couldn’t wait to take a long nap. A shower would have to come later.

Chishiya raised an eyebrow at you before moving his way up the bed. When he got close enough he leaned down and trailed light kisses all the way up your neck, making you shiver under his touch, until he reached just below your ear. His breath was warm as it spread over your cheek and you couldn’t help but to close your eyes and relish in it. He ended it with a whisper, in that low voice that went straight to your core and lit your insides on fire every time he used it.

”Just tell me when you want to show me the next toy. We have plenty to go through.”

[jajatoc]

about the character list: do you have any thoughts on Lara Ravel? [:

Thank you so much for asking!!!! I love Lara to death I'll gladly reflect on her character if you'll have me!!!

favorite thing about them- The anwer to this one is very silly. We share the same name. It was the first time a character I cared a lot about in a videogame had the same name as me! Because of its Russian origins I truly do not see it used often.. Aside from this, Lara Ravel is a very gorgeous character and I really like her in both Classic and 2. She changed a lot between iterations, I believe, and most of the changes are determined by her childhood friendship with Burakh, Filin and Rubin.

She constantly has nerve wracking anxiety and is painfully cautious, taking well measured risks at best. She values herself, but lives in a haze, in an empty house too big for her, so she tries to fill it with people as much as she can. Of course in 2 this point is exaggerated (positively), while in Classic her house is still very rich and bright (i love all the textures and patterns in the Shelter by the way. So beautiful), but she still hangs off in a secluded side room where all the colors seem duller, almost as if she ultimately needs to distance herself from others.

She has a sharp mind, sullied by deep, world ending grief. She lost her father in a spring a thousand years ago, and then, inexplicably, winter set in over her life.

Suddenly a chance to finally prove her kindness to the world presents itself in the form of a plague. She sets her shelter up to help people, until her fear sets in again, and she closes her doors. In the end her father's killer shows up, and she somehow sheds any fear she had grown into like a well worn coat. She walks in a determined fog to her gallows or her instant death, intending only to enact revenge over somebody else while completely disregarding her own still living existence. Death had always more value to her anyways, a bigger weight than life ever had. I'm always struck by Yulia's description of her in Classic, of how she already sees a walking corpse in every person, ready to lose them before she even has a chance to know them. This is deep rooted trauma over the death of her last living family member, and in a patho 2 perspective, over the loss of her childhood friends.

Despite it all, she isn't a loner, she is a rich woman (grown almost miserly in her modesty in 2) that spends her time among other eminent women of the city. She has a circle of acquaintances that trust her so much so that she is able to raise someone's reputation by merely speaking a good word about them. She definetely has power, but she is a Humble.

I love her stronger personality in 2, even if prone to wavering. She had been a sister to three boys once, growing alongside them, and this side of her never left even as they grew apart. Even if it's a rare thing to witness now, her good natured irony and sarcasm is the healthiest side of her personality. I love how her nickname is "gravel" and "proud trout" in the original russian text,,,

least favorite thing about them- *sounds of car tires screeching to a halt* I could never dislike anything about my wife. But. I hate how in two you can try to matchmake Lara with Rubin or fight with her about Nara. It makes my stomach turn. Leave them alone.

The single other thing I dislike.. is her treatment about the mental crisis over Block. I hate how people get to handle her rage and treat her like she is going crazy. (Mostly in classic. I actually love that you can find her goodbye letter in 2 if you fail to stop her.. it's a horrible sacrifice but it gives her a terrifying sense of agency. She really needed help and support and you weren't there. God) She has suffered so much!!

favorite line- I'm sure I also had a screenshot of it once somewhere but I'm in love with the sewing box item touch description in 2: Gravel once knitted a sweater for me. I asked her why it was blue. She told me that blue is the color of morons, and never made me another.

Like there she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

brOTP/OTP/nOTP- Of course, the Apple Baskets are endgame without question. Those people. Have surely something going on that I would love to see resolved. In a very gender non conforming way. I love strong platonic relationships, but they can genuinely do whatever they want. I need them to not die and stick toghether and continue whatever weird boygirls dynamics they had. Please. Also I need Lara to interact with Yulia perhaps. Perhaps

random headcanon- I always pictured Lara as a kid wearing her dad's reconditioned military garments... a jacket cut to her length with shortened sleeves, the shoulders falling too large on hers.... his old caps of course... sigh........

song i associate with them- I thought a lot about the Apple Basket gang (I even started writing a fic which I miserably abandoned..) mostly associating them to Adrianne Lenker music, but the songs I think most fit them (especially Lara) are Night Scented Stock and Army Dreamers (back to back specifically) by Kate Bush.... physically painful music......

favorite picture of them- The bonfire gang. They brought Tema a tiny mattress to rest with them. I'm sick as fuck. ALSO the very early Lara concept art!! While I'm in love with her intricately textured classic hd design (aside from the hair.. in my head it is frizzy and tightly curly like in her portrait) the concept art where her striking dark eyes and hair contrast so well with the white dress and scarf are truly gorgeous! It reminds me of the way older Catholic women would cover their hair to go to pray in church.. it's like a reverse mourning attire, in white.

Thank you so much again for asking and sorry for taking an ungodly amount of time 😭😭

[https-harlow]

Mixed Emotions - Part 1 New Cities

Summary- Gabriella moves to Atlanta to go to college, and due to her apartment not being ready for 2 weeks after her classes start, she has to stay with Jack and Urban who are already living in the city. Jack and Urban take Gabriella to a house party on her first night in the city, where Jack gets jealous when he sees Gabriella talking to another guy.

18+ very brief smut

“I fucking hate you.” Gabriella told Jack, her words fueling his adrenaline as he continued to thrust his hips into hers.

“Yeah?” Jack asked. “Well, I fucking hate you too.” Jack challenged.

“It doesn’t matter how good you fuck me, my feelings for you will never change.” She told him before Jack leaned down to kiss her.

Neither Gabriella nor Jack was sure how they ended up in the situation they were in, but they did.

Jack met Gabriella when they were little, Gabriella was friends with Clay, so Jack and Clay’s mother, Maggie, would offer to watch Gabriella when both of her parents had to work. Jack hated her then, he hated how her hair was in two perfect pigtails, and the way she always wore that stupid hot pink dress, his hatred for her never went away, even once they became adults. In return Gabriella hated Jack. She hated the way he ignored her when she would ask him a question, or how they would get along for a few days, just for Jack to act like she didn’t exist.

Gabriella would be lying if she said she didn’t develop a crush on Jack when they were younger. That was before she realized how much he didn’t like her. For the first year of their “friendship”, Gabriella did everything she could to get Jack to like her, trying to talk to him about things that interested him, even if it didn’t interest her. She would even wear hair ties in his favorite color, but Jack never noticed, and if he did, he didn’t care. Gabriella eventually stopped caring, beginning to dislike Jack as much as he disliked her.

When Jack moved to Atlanta, he couldn’t wait to get away from Gabriella. He was no longer forced to be around her when all his friends would hang out, because unfortunately for Jack, every single one of his friends liked her. Along with all his family, Gabriella attended a lot of events with Jack’s family. Some when she was younger and being watched by Jack’s mom, but as she got older, they started inviting her. At a certain point in Gabriella’s life, with her Mom being a lawyer and her Dad being a doctor, she was spending more time with Jack’s family then she was her own.

Unfortunately for Jack, 2 years after he moved, Gabriella got into a private college in Atlanta where her parents were pushing her to study law, wanting her to follow in her Mother’s footsteps. Gabriella didn’t want to study law, truthfully, Gabriella wasn’t even sure if she wanted to go to college. 

Her parents rented her an apartment in Atlanta, but she wasn’t going to be able to move in until 2 weeks after her classes started. Urban had offered for Gabriella to stay at his and Jack’s apartment, at first, she denied, not wanting to stay with Jack. After Urban insisted a couple more times, and she realized she had no other option, she agreed. 

“Hi!” Gabriella greeted Urban enthusiastically, hugging Urban. Jack stood off to the side, trying his best not to roll his eyes at her. She had barely taken two steps into the apartment, and he already couldn’t wait for her to leave.

“Hey Gabriella.” Urban hugged her back before pulling away and letting her walk further inside the apartment. 

“Hey.” Jack said, leaning against the wall.

“Hey.” Gabriella smiled softly.

“Are your bags in the car?” Urban asked and she nodded. 

“Yeah, I just have two suitcases, my parents are sending everything else down once I can move into my apartment. I can go get them though.” Gabriella told Urban, and he shook his head. 

“I’ll go get them, give me your keys.” Urban said and Gabriella threw Urban her keys.

“Thank you.” Gabriella smiled at Urban before he walked out.

“You really brought two bags for two weeks, Ella?” Jack asked her and Gabriella rolled her eyes.

“Why do you have a problem with everything I do?” Gabriella asked Jack.

“I don’t.” Jack shrugged. “Two suitcases just seem like a lot for two weeks.”

“Well, for your information, it’s not for two weeks. My parents aren’t going to ship any of my stuff until I get into my apartment, so I don’t have to store it somewhere if it gets here early, so it’s really for like 3 weeks. Plus, I would rather have too much stuff then not enough.” Gabriella explained. “Plus, you know I hate when you call me Ella.” She said, crossing her arms.

“I know.” Jack smirked. “That’s why I call you Ella.” Jack said, pushing himself off the wall, reaching out to ruffle her hair before walking to the couch and sitting down. Gabriella sighed, fixing her hair as Urban walked back in with Gabriella’s suitcases. 

“So, we didn’t really think about where you’ll sleep, so you can take my room, I’ll just sleep on the couch or something.” Urban said.

“Are you sure?” Gabriella asked and Urban nodded. 

“Yeah, I fall asleep there most nights anyways.” Urban said and she nodded. 

“Thank you.” Gabriella smiled softly at Urban. “I can take my bags from here.” She told him. 

“Want me to show you where my room is?” Urban asked and Gabriella shook her head.

“I’m sure I can figure it out.” She said and Urban nodded. Gabriella took her bags, bringing them to Urban’s room. 

Once Gabriella got settled, at least somewhat, she joined the two out on the couch, all of them making small talk, but mostly Gabriella and Urban. 

“What did you decide to study?” Urban asked Gabriella.

“Uh, I decided to go to college to study law. I don’t really know if it’s what I want to do, but I figured I’ll work on a law degree until I figure it out.” Gabriella said and Jack rolled his eyes.

“Of course, you would go to fucking law school when you don’t know what you want to do instead of just taking a year off or working on an easier degree.” Jack said.

“Why does that bother you?” Gabriella asked Jack.

“It doesn’t bother me. I’m just saying it makes sense for you.” Jack said. Gabriella was a straight A student, except for the one class in freshmen year of high school where she got a B and cried. Jack thought she was being over dramatic.

“Aww, so you’re saying I’m smart.” Gabriella said, her tone almost mocking Jack.

“Aww, you think I’m complimenting you.” Jack mocked Gabriella back. She rolled her eyes.

“Anyways.” Urban cut into the conversation. “Jack and I are going to a party tonight if you want to come.” Urban told Gabriella.

“Uh, yeah, sure why not.” Gabriella accepted the invitation from Urban and Jack and Jack scoffed.

“Since when do you go out and party?”

“You know, I’ve changed since you moved 2 years ago.”

“I know, I have come home in the past 2 years.” Jack rolled his eyes. “But I still didn’t know you go out and shit.” Jack said.

“For how much you seem to hate me, you seem to know a lot about me.” Gabriella challenged.

“Well, I have known you since we were little kids.” Jack said.

“But, no, I don’t party often. I’m just in a new city and I don’t know anyone, I don’t have anything to do tomorrow, so why not.” 

“Yay, you’re going to make friends with all my friends here too.” Jack muttered underneath his breath sarcastically, loud enough for Gabriella to hear, but she chose not to comment on it.

Several hours later, Gabriella, Jack, and Urban, were all at some random house party. That night was the night that Gabriella found out that house parties weren’t her thing, but she hated how well Jack knew her, so she was determined to attend just to prove him wrong.

Jack separated from Gabriella almost immediately, Urban being the one to introduce her to all their friends. Soon after that Urban found some girl he wanted to hang out with, and Gabriella not wanting to interrupt his fun, told him to go hang out with her. 

With parties not being her thing, Gabriella ended up finding a free couch, not wanting to be in the crowded room anymore.

“Hey, you having fun?” The guy who sat down next to her asked. Gabriella laughed softly, looking over at him.

“Not really, is it that obvious?” She asked. 

“Want me to be honest?” He asked and she nodded. “Yeah, it is.” He said and Gabriella laughed again. “I’m Levi by the way.”

“I’m Gabriella, nice to meet you.” She smiled at him softly.

“So, if parties aren’t really your thing, why are you here?” Levi asked.

“Oh, I just moved here, to go to college, and I have some friends in town, well, ones not really a friend, it’s a complicated situation. Anyways, I just figured it would be nice to do something different for a change.”

“What are you going to college for?” Levi asked.

“Oh, just law.” Gabriella said.

“A law student, underage drinking, kind of ironic don’t you think?” Levi said, gesturing to her cup, both of them laughing.

“Well, I’m not a law student yet. But this is also just orange juice.” Just like parties weren’t her thing, neither was drinking, so she was glad to find something other than alcohol, even if it was meant to be a chaser for the cheap vodka it was sitting next to.

“Just orange juice?”

“Yeah, it was either orange juice or cranberry juice, and I prefer orange juice.” Gabriella said. “God, I sound lame, don’t I?” She asked, suddenly embarrassed that she was most likely the only one not drinking at the party.

“No, not at all, I find it kind of endearing actually.” Levi told her, and Gabriella blushed.

Little did Gabriella know that on the other side of the room Jack was watching their exchange. 

“Who’s that?” Jack asked Urban, pointing out Gabriella and the guy who sat down next to her. Urban glanced across the room to where Jack was pointing.

“Uh, I’m not sure.” Urban told him, giving his attention back to the girl he was with.

Jack sighed softly, continuing to watch Gabriella and Levi interact. He didn’t know it at the time, but he felt jealous watching them. Gabriella laughing at something Levi would say. Eventually, Jack forced himself to stop watching. 

Gabriella couldn’t help but yawn, leaning into the back of the couch.

“If I’m that boring, you can just say so.” Levi joked and Gabriella giggled, shaking her head. “That was, stupid I’m sorry.” Levi said, laughing with Gabriella.

“No, you’re not boring, I promise. I’m just exhausted.” Gabriella told Levi.

“Go home, don’t stay just because we’re talking.” Levi told Gabriella.

“I would, but I don’t want to make my friends leave just because I want to go home.” Gabriella said, looking over to see Urban making out with a different girl then he was with earlier. Gabriella couldn’t help but laugh to herself, shaking her head. Gabriella found Jack in the crowd, his arm around a girl’s shoulders. Something felt different from when she saw Urban with a girl, but she couldn’t quite place what it was. “They seem to be having fun, I don’t want to be the one to interrupt that.”

“I can take you home, I’m going to leave soon anyways.” Levi told her and Gabriella shook her head.

“No, you don’t have to do that.” Gabriella said.

“C’mon, you’re tired, and not having fun, I’ll drop you off on my way home.” Levi said and Gabriella thought for a second but nodded.

“Fine, but I’m not sleeping with you.” Gabriella joked.

“No sex, but I’ll take your phone number, if you want to give it to me of course.” Levi said and Gabriella pretended to think, Levi laughing.

“Yeah, I think I can do that.” Gabriella said and Levi handed Gabriella his phone so she could put her number in. “Let me go tell my friend I’m leaving.” Gabriella told Levi and he nodded. Gabriella walked across the room, finding Urban.

“You good Gabs?” Urban asked and Gabriella nodded.

“Yeah, I’m good, I think I’m going to go home though.”

“Wait how? If you want to leave, I can take you home.” Urban said and she shook her head.

“No, it’s okay, Levi’s going to drop me off on his way home.” Gabriella told Urban.

“You sure? I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, I’m sure, it’s like a five-minute drive.” 

“Okay, text me when you get home.” Urban told her, and she nodded. 

“I will.”

“I have your location on, I’ll give you seven minutes to text me, after seven minutes I’m checking your location.” Urban told Gabriella. Everyone in the friend group was extremely protective of Gabriella, with her being one of the only girls apart of the main friend group, and with her being the youngest, even if was only by two years for most of them.

“I promise I will text you the second I step into the apartment.” Gabriella promised and Urban nodded. They said goodbye before Gabriella left the party with Levi.

Levi dropped Gabriella off at the apartment, even though it was five minutes in the opposite direction of his place, he didn’t tell Gabriella that, not wanting her to feel bad. Levi gave Gabriella his number before she got out of the car, telling her to text him when she got inside. Levi waited for Gabriella’s text before he left, Gabriella also texted Urban telling him she was home.

Almost immediately, Gabriella changed from the clothes she wore to the party, which was just the first pair of jeans she could find, and random cropped oversized t-shirt with the converse she already had on. She hadn’t taken anything out of her suitcases, and she didn’t feel like dressing up anyway. She threw on a random pair of comfy shorts and a different oversized t-shirt before she washed her makeup off and got into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

Two hours after Gabriella decided to leave, Jack and Urban decided to leave. Jack was in the driver’s seat, Urban in the passenger’s seat. Jack was getting ready to start driving when he realized Gabriella was supposed to be with them.

“Fuck, Urban, where’s Gabriella?” Jack asked, without thinking Jack reached to open his car door, ready to go back in and look for her.

“Gabriella left a little while ago.” Urban told Jack.

“Where did she go?” Jack asked, still in a panic, not knowing where she was.

“She went home, the guy she was talking to took her back to the apartment.” Urban told Jack. Jack relaxed a little bit, at least he knew where she was. Though he didn’t like that another guy was the one to take her home, but he wouldn’t admit that.

“Like dropped her off, or took her home, to have sex with her?” Jack asked and Urban shrugged. Jack started to drive home.

“I don’t know, but I really don’t think Gabriella has a lot of one-night stands. I mean, I’ve never thought about it before, and I’d prefer to keep it that way after this conversation. Why do you care anyways?” Urban asked and Jack hesitated.

“I don’t.” Jack said. “I don’t know, I just feel like it’s partly our responsibility to keep an eye on her, especially while she’s staying with us, make sure she doesn’t get involved with the wrong people.” Jack explained.

“Yeah, I guess it kind of is, but I feel like taking her to a house party on the first night she’s here isn’t the way to do that.” Urban joked, and Jack couldn’t help but laugh to himself.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Jack said.

Once Jack and Urban got home, Urban went into the kitchen, and Jack went into his room. On his way to his room, Jack passed Urban’s room, seeing that the door was slightly open, he couldn’t help but look inside to check on Gabriella, seeing her asleep even though the light was on. Jack let out a breath that he didn’t know he had been holding since he didn’t know where she was at. 

Jack reached into the room to flip the light switch off, knowing that Gabriella had a hard time sleeping with the lights on, but left the door open slightly because he knew she also couldn’t sleep in complete darkness. Jack froze when he heard Gabriella stir in her sleep after he turned the lights off. 

“Jack?” Gabriella asked, looking over at the doorway. “What do you want?” She laid her head back down.

“Nothing, I was just turning the lights off for you since I noticed they were on when I was going to my room.” Jack explained and she nodded slightly.

“Okay, thank you. Is Urban home?” She asked.

“Yeah, he’s in the kitchen if you need him.”

“I don’t, I was just making sure. Goodnight Jack.” She said, pulling the blanket closer to her.

“Goodnight Ella.” Jack laughed slightly as he heard Gabriella groan.

“I hate when you call me that.” She muttered.

“I know.” Jack said before walking to his room, letting Gabriella fall back asleep.

Tag list @jackharloww @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @hoodharlow @itsyagirljaz @heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @awhore4moree @harlowslefttoe @twerkforambrose @jackmans-poison @ilovenudy @taniapri @killatravtramp @easternparkway @macey234 @toocriticalharlow @lightsoutstyles @rachxc13 @iknowdatsrightbih @idktbh101

[silverpen-and-paper]

2, 13, 24, and 27 for the ask game! Sorry if you’ve already done these lol

ty for the ask!!

2. how did your interest in loki begin? (optional: how has it evolved over the years?)

link!

13. do you have any headcanons about asgard? (phsyics, culture, environment, history, etc?)

asgard’s water cycle goes like this: ocean water falls off the edge of the planet. it becomes vapor, the particles small enough that you can’t see them. one fraction of the vapor gathers beneath asgard and soaks back up to the topside through pathways in the rock and soil, surfacing as natural springs. the other fraction of the vapor curls back up against the atmosphere’s barrier and reforms as clouds over the topside. i’d assume this means all water on asgard (except maybe an isolated lake or two) is freshwater, but i’m not a meteorologist, so maybe not.

the shiny bright pillars on the underside of asgard are probably supposed to be ice? but i prefer to think that they’re some kind of otherworldly crystals that are magically making asgard’s gravity work the way it does. i could accept them being coated with ice, though.

idunn’s golden apples exist (we see some on banquet tables), but they don’t have the same effect as the myths. instead of being The Thing that asgardian longevity relies on, they’re just really, really healthy for you — maybe extending your life by 100 years or so if you eat them regularly enough. in my headcanon, that species of plant had already been growing on asgard for a while, but idunn figured out a way to revolutionize their benefits to the extent that asgardians refer to them as idunn’s apples. i think she runs an orchard of them.

asgard is transphobic, but not homophobic. i have a wip post where i explain this headcanon more but this is the gist of it.

there are asgardians living in the more mountainous parts of asgard, away from the main city where the palace is located. some in villages, some more isolated. this might be too obvious of a concept to count as a headcanon, but i’ve never seen anyone mention it before, so.

24. what song lyrics remind you of loki?

oh SO many but here are a few of my favorites

persephone by daisy the great:

the plight of the siren is that she’ll never sing without somebody claiming she’s starting a war and every word from her lips is a sign that she’s hungry for blood she’s a killer and moreso  the music is sweeter than honey, but honey oh, think what a monster she is at her core

my body is not mine by aurora:

but the light kicks in when i know it’s time i’ve built my walls so it’s safe to hide and the people i love i’ve left behind they see too much when they look in my eyes feel no pain and i never cry i bleed no blood, and i will never die my body’s not mine, body’s not mine body’s not mine, i need no body

rule #5 - james picard by fish in a birdcage:

i’m aware of the madness that has stained our air so i paint all the darkness  and the wounds that we must face ah (ah), ah (ah), ah fear has unleashed a storm through so much pain ah (ah), ah (ah), ah the fire spread throughout my bones and stayed

and here’s a few more songs on my loki playlist that i can’t not recommend: horror and the wild & farewell wanderlust by the amazing devil, nunemaker’s parable by everybody’s worried about owen, winter bird by aurora, regular people by moon walker

27. say you go back in time and get hired as the director of a mcu loki movie/series/episode that you dislike. assuming you’d already be changing the big stuff you criticize, what is the pettiest thing you’d change?

the tiny stack of papers in s1 ep1 of the series, the one that supposedly contains everything loki’s ever said. it’s a really odd and baffling move for a series that insists loki likes to talk a lot. and even if they didn’t insist that, like, loki’s about 1047 years old by that point! a single day’s worth of words for the average person would at least fill two or three pages, and loki’s lived — what — over 300,000 days? those papers should fill an archive. 

and there’s so much potential there too: if they wanted to go comedic (which they likely would), haha, look at all the pages loki has to read! if they wanted to go psychological horror, just imagine the dawning terror loki would feel as they realize that it’s all there. everything they ever remember saying, every hazy half-memory they nearly lost to time, sentences and conversations they don’t remember at all — it would be very tasty and effective horror if done right, i think. 

not to mention how long it would take for loki to read through them all. time doesn’t work the same way in the tva, but would they notice themself getting tired? hungry? thirsty? would they realize how long they’d been in there? would they even remember why they started in the first place? would loki be so entrenched in reading that after they finally finish, it feels like they’ve just lived their entire lifetime over again? would they snap and try to break out before then? if they did, what would be their breaking point?

plus, i doubt the tva would record other people’s halves of conversations. the tva would want to save paper and keep things simple, after all, so they’d just record loki’s dialogue. loki would read through thousands of moments where they know they must’ve been talking to their loved ones, but they would have to rely solely on memory and deduction to know what other party had said. all they would be able to see clearly is their own words echoed back to them. 

also, i refuse to accept that loki would sign something that easily without knowing what they were agreeing to or why.

full ask game:

[widowling]

You know what? There are things about all the games that I like and dislike.

I love the scope of Dragon Age: Origins. It truly introduces you to the variety in this world and has an epic feel to the dangers you face. The writing is amazing. I still get chills at Ostagar. I love the companions. I have never loved a character so instantly than I have Alistair. I love that you can become a warrior queen. I love the infinite choice in the game. You can play it differently every time if you wanted. Its probably the only game in the series that allows you to truly customize your protagonist.

But, I can not stand the combat. It has aged terribly and it was never very good. How am I somehow micromanaging what everyone is doing and doing nothing at the same time? The game kind of feels like a complete slog to get through. If I could just play this game as a series of cutscenes, i would. The entirety of the game is amazing, but the individual parts? Redcliffe? The Circle of Magi? The Deep Roads? THE FADE??? I hate doing all those parts. You can tell its a post-9/11 game at times in how they characterize the Qunari. It has one of my least favorite tropes in fantasy: A dark, inexplicably evil race that invades and corrupts fantasy Europe.

I love the characters in Dragon Age 2. I love the change in the combat here too. I love Hawke as a main character. I love that it takes place over approximately ten years, allowing you to spend so much time with your companions and growing attached to the city. Varric is truly one of the best characters in the series. I love the narrative structure. Varric telling the story to Cassandra as an unreliable narrator? Absolute peak video game writing!

But, i don't think i could say anything new about the very obvious flaws in this game that haven't already been acknowledged a thousand times. It was rushed. It looks terrible. The game feels like one long prologue. I keep waiting for the 'real' game to begin, for the world to open up. It never does.

I love the lore of Inquisition. I love that it plays with myth and legend in a way that the other games don't. Personally, I really liked the open world although i understand criticism against it. The game looks beautiful. I love its epic scope, its world-shattering implications. Solas is truly one of my most favorite characters of all time. It has some of my favourite missions in the entire series. Going back in time to save the mages at Redcliffe? Love it. Playing the Great Game at the Winter Palace? Top Tier. Adamant Fortress? Amazing! Honestly, Inquisition remains my comfort game. I have sprinted towards it in some of the darkest times of my life.

But, I'll never forgive them for putting the real ending of the game in a DLC. Without Trespasser, the ending of the game with just defeating Corypheus in what, at that point, is a fairly easy boss battle is a complete anticlimax. The companions in the game really do just feel like co-workers, not friends. There is a coldness in Inquisition, a loneliness, that does not exist in the other games. Maybe that's just what its like to be the Herald of Andraste, but the companions should have been different. I'm also still salty that they never really fixed the banter bug. I am running around for hours, and never hearing the friends speak to one another.

I love Veilgaurd too, although I certainly haven't played it as much as the other games. My computer can barely run it, to be honest. That's my fault. I love that the companion quests run throughout the game and aren't just a short little one-off quest. There are mechanics in this game that I hope are implemented in other RPGs, like the banter continuing if its interrupted or that you can choose the appearance of an armour without sacrificing its stats. I really liked the antagonists. I loved the ending, honestly placing it at the level of Mass Effect 2's Suicide Mission with its drama and sacrifice. Rook, I think, is my favourite protagonist so far. I love my Inquisitor, but I did all the work there. Rook is capable, integrated in the narrative, and has amazing dialogue and personality options. I love that you can choose your factions and origins with out the strict rules placed on former protagonists. Hawke could only ever be human, with their class determining more. The Inquisitor could only ever be a dalish elf, or a quanri mercenary, or a carta dwarf, or a human noble / circle mage. But Rook can be a Quanri veil jumper or a dwarf in the mourn watch. Rook is a great protagonist. Also, all I wanted was a reference to Solavellan and I got so much more than I could ever have hoped for. That story in particular had such depth and meaning. It impacted me profoundly.

But, I found the pacing a little strange. It lacked the urgency of Inquisition. The narrative relies on telling, not showing. It should have had a moment like Ostagar. The fall of Weisshaupt came close, as did the choice between Treviso and Minrathous, but Origins did more with much less by showing the cutscene of King Cailan being crushed by the ogre. We should have had a completely brutal image like that to showcase the threat. We're told about these things, but we don't get to see them. I disliked reading about the chaos in the South and never getting to see it, being told not to worry about it, when I have such a strong connection to Fereldan and Kirkwall and Orlais from the previous games.

But, honestly, at the end of the day, I like Dragon Age. I have many flaws, but I am not a hater. I don't like things I dislike. I do think some people might be a fan of a particular game in the series, and not the whole series and that's okay because there is no single 'right' way for a dragon age game to be. The games are radically different from one another, in a way that, for instance, Mass Effect is not. Because of the inherent differences between the games, I like and dislike various things from game to game. But, at the end of the day, i just like Dragon Age. I like the games, I like the books, I like the comics. I'm honestly not sure what drove me to write this, other than procrastinating from writing my thesis, but here it is. I do wish Veilgaurd was a more obvious smash success, just to keep Bioware releasing games in the future and protecting it from whatever fuckery EA is up to. I do have a sinking feeling that this might be it. We might never get another game or a remaster. Bioware was always the weird outcasts of EA and Dragon Age was also less popular than Mass Effect. I'm not sold on Mass Effect 5 yet, but I remain forever hopeful because I love to love things. And I love these games.

[avrelia]

A week ago news broke about a new upcoming AtLA comic by Faith Erin Hicks as a writer and Peter Wartman as an artist. Apparently it will have Mai, Zuko and Kiyi on the cover and focus on Mai working as a teacher in the Fire Nation Royal Academy for girls.

There was a lot of excitement and consternation on Tumblr in related tags.

So here is my take. I generally accept AtLA comics as the facts of life. They exist. I like some, I dislike others. I hate some narrative choices made in them, and I find some compelling and interesting, and some – just boring or underdeveloped or meaningless.

I love the works of Faith Erin Hicks, and ever since her Nameless City trilogy, books that she worked on as writer or artist are a must-buy for me. More so, I think she has a good grip on AtLA characters, loves them, and loves writing them. So I trust her as a writer quite a lot.

However, after the Imbalance, the Dark Horse comics strategy was “playing in the sandbox” and not moving stories in any significant way. The recent comics about Katara, Toph, Suki, Azula, and June are all adorable and smart character vignettes, lovely yet forgettable. They are not hated, but they are not talked about, either.

Azula story is an outlier here – because while it didn’t move Azula’s story, it clarified the confusing mess that was Azula’s story in previous comics and positioned her for the next adventures and future changes in a meaningful way.

All that said – do I expect Mai and Zuko to start dating again in the new comic? No, I don’t. There won’t be space enough in a short story to bring them back together.

But what do I expect? Well, Faith Erin Hicks herself says that “this book is mostly about Mai and her attempt to find her path after the events of the show” and that’s what I expect and that’s exactly what I want to read.

Is Mai as a teacher a weird concept? No. I can’t say that it is, since I myself wrote a story “Mai doesn’t know what to do with her life and stumbles upon being a substitute teacher to earn some money.” (it’s an AU, part Jane Austen, part detective story, part Friends TV show and I still love that fic.)

Mai’s problem is that she doesn’t know what she wants. Various people in Mai’s life come and pull her one way or another – Azula, Zuko, Mai’s parents, her aunt… If Mai finally makes up her mind what she wants to do with her life, it will be a great development for her.

How likely is that Ursa would want to send her youngest daughter to the school Azula went to? I don’t know, but I am willing to wait and see.

How likely that Zuko think Mai would be a good teacher? Well, he knows her. And he himself never planned to be a teacher, yet he managed to teach Aang firebending, so he might believe teaching is an easy skill to pick up.

Here I am willing to trust the creators’ team, and wait and see what they came up with.

[archon-maenad]

taylor hebert finding out that the bijuu can be reasoned with and don't attack unprovoked, and that her new world made enemies of their endbringer-equivalents anyways, is the moment she truly learned to hate hashirama senju.

oh taylor had already been angry at him. watching people in konoha take so much for granted, watching child soldiers be glorified by indoctrinated masses, it made taylor incandescent with righteous fury. and hashirama, as the founder of the village, was definitely not spared that wrath.

taylor had also already learned to hate the elemental countries and whole shinobi system. this entire fucking place was one normalized atrocity after another, and she is not the kind of girl who could look upon such a tableau with only dislike.

but hating hashirama senju specifically, with visceral ferocity, didn't come until later.

upon learning that humanity here could have just left the bijuu alone and how hashirama decided to change that... taylor wants to weep and scream all at once at the fact that this world could have left their fucking endbringers alone. she would have done unspeakable things to give earth bet such a luxury. she is far from alone in that conviction.

yes, madara may have enslaved one of the bijuu first, breaking the shaky neutrality between them and humanity in a way out of hashirama's control, but he was defeated. the kyuubi had been freed. konoha could have had the gratitude of a goddamn endbringer! could have maybe even allied with them! at the least could have had an official non-aggression treaty written up!

but hashirama senju instead decided to enslave the kyuubi all over again, before hunting down each of their siblings to do the same. as a jinchuuriki taylor is now a monument to the shodaime's hubris, an embodiment of the fact that he decided to make humanity an enemy that could spell their downfall.

earth bet would have sacrificed any space program for the simurgh to never leave orbit, would have evacuated any city if behemoth simply slumbered beneath it, would have done anything to never hear those warning sirens again. the idea of rejecting peace with endbringers and instead wronging them in a way that they'd be right to never forgive is anathema to taylor's core.

and so she hates hashirama senju, hates him with the kind of intensity you only get from the pressure at the deepest depths of the ocean.

years later taylor will manage to hijack the enemy's mass resurrection jutsu, successfully bolstering her side with almost every famous shinobi from history. hashirama, as the first hokage, is one of the handful brought to the war table next to her.

if taylor hebert were not a child of earth bet with respect for the truce in her bones, she would have torn off his undead face then and there with her bare fucking hands. it is still a close damn thing, because hashirama is an insult to the very concept that now shields him. hell, grouping him in with them as "enemies I will work with for the greater good" might be an insult to the nazis and serial killers she once faced endbringers alongside.

taylor does it anyways, because with a goddess on their doorstep they need all the help they can get, and she has never been a girl who would value the means over the end result.

humanity wins, eventually. that's not much of a spoiler for this au, of course taylor hebert defeats another deity. and as soon as kaguya is dust, she informs hashirama that she hopes he will rot in hell for the longest possible eternity and that she will ensure he goes down in history as the man who nearly doomed them all, before releasing the technique keeping him on this place of existence.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Can I ask like Glitched Red x Npc reader

Reader was just like a normal npc but they starting releasing that something wrong,like why are saying the same lyric or why they ask some random boy to make they quest.

When reader was trying to do their quest by their self or trying to say something else they feel pain in their body,after some time reader like Red being removed from game.I just wondering how would Red react when he saw someone else that understands that their in game?

“Hi, Mom..if that’s even who you are.”

"RED, if you drive your Pokémon too hard, they’ll dislike you. You should take a rest.”

“I can’t rest. I already told you that. Can you say something else for once?”

"RED, if you drive your Pokémon too hard, they’ll dislike you. You should take a rest.”

"....do you even love me?"

"RED, if you drive your Pokémon too hard, they’ll dislike you. You should take a rest.”

“...screw you.” Red glared at his “mother”, sighing heavily in agitation as he stormed out of the house, wondering why he even bothered coming here to begin with.

Maybe it’s because he hoped that at some point, any of these stupid NPCs would start talking to him and actually perceive him as a real person. But just like them..his “mom” was just made up of codes, programmed to repeat the same damn script every time he interacted with them.

And he slowly began to realize that they were completely unaffected by whatever he said or did to them.

He could be rude and say the cruelest things, scream in their faces, cry about why they get to live in ignorance while he suffered, and even threaten to kill them....yet none of their responses would change a bit.

It was all pointless, much like his existence in this cursed game.

Why did it have to be so goddamn boring?

He thought he’d get used to the loneliness now, but it still hurt like hell.

Instead of venturing to Glitch City like he usually did, he decided to fly into Lavender Town--a place that he found some bit of comfort in. It’s a town built from sorrow and mourning.

And in a way, Red was mourning all the time; mourning for the life he’ll never get back; mourning over how his own fate is predetermined by the players..and how they frequently torture him for the sake of “fun”.

They haven’t come around in a while, which meant he was leaving a real-world impact on them to deter them from playing this game. He wished they would just stop and move onto other things...even though it killed him to know he was essentially abandoned.

He didn’t know which was worse: to be alone in this broken world or in the company of his tormentors.

Shaking his head to clear the thoughts, he entered the Pokémon Tower, seeing the usual NPCs paying their respects to their dead Pokémon. He simply scoffed as he passed by each one and spat on the nearby grave of a Raticate, knowing that nobody would be shocked because they weren’t programmed to react to him in any other way-

“Red? Is that you?”

“...huh?”

Stopping at the staircase leading to the next floor, Red froze to look over his shoulder, wondering if he was hearing things.

But no, out of the shadows of the dimly-lit room, you appeared to him with a Gastly at your side. You looked just like one of the normal resident NPCs, with the exception of glitchy particles being around your body and Gastly’s smog being replaced with purple glitches as well.

You..actually saw what he did? And you responded?

How was that possible?

He couldn’t believe it. His eyes only grew wider as he turned around, watching you step closer. “You..can see me?”

“Yeah, I’m just as shocked. But I-I-I---I-I think Gastlys are misunderstood. I want one, but I’m not good at throwing pokeballs. You seem brave, so could you catch one for me-e-?” 

You winced, the glitches suddenly jabbing your body like Beedrill stingers; they hurt for a few moments, but once the pain subsided, you exhaled shakily, eventually calming down. “Ouch..s-sorry about that.” You chuckled, embarrassed that he had to witness that. “Just ignore that stupid side quest, I got this Gastly all on my own-”

“Y-You’re...talking to me..” Red whispered, still in utter disbelief. “How is that possible?”

You blinked as he suddenly glitched in front of you, his hands keeping a tight grip on your shoulders as he stared at you intensely. “How are you...h-how can you understand me?! Are you trapped too? Do you know where you are?!” He could feel his eyes stinging as he questioned you nonstop. “For so long, nobody else in this goddamn game could hear me...so..why you? Why now?”

Then he paused, lowering his head; the shadow over his face grew even darker. You could feel the poor guy’s hands trembling, which proved that he was very real to you, just as you were to him.

As terrified and confused as he was, it felt..liberating to finally have someone to talk to--someone who could respond to him normally and not spit out the same dialogue like a broken record.

“I don’t get it..am I going crazy? Is this some sick prank they’re pulling on me?”

“No. You’re not crazy, and..I don’t think anyone’s pranking us, Red.”

Looking back up at you, his gaze was exhausted, desperate for answers. You could see the whites of his eyes tinted red, along with the bags underneath them, revealing just how upset and lost he truly was.

You smiled sadly. “I don’t know why I can only see you now, but..I’ll tell you what happened to me. Let’s sit down somewhere.”

............

“So you’re saying that...you asked yourself why you’re giving a random kid some stupid quest, and then it all went to shit?”

“Pretty much, yeah..” Nodding, you finished sharing your backstory with Red.

To sum it up, you were a hidden NPC within Pokémon Tower. Your “quest” involved having the protagonist catch a Gastly for you since you’re apparently inexperienced at throwing pokeballs, and you were supposed to reward them with a TM.

Then one day..you suddenly wondered why you couldn’t just go catch it yourself. You don’t even know where such a thought came from--it simply popped up in your mind and made you question a lot of things.

So you tried going off on your own to find a Gastly. But clearly the game didn’t take that too well as you experienced excruciating pain just from taking a single step away from your programmed spot. Though you kept going anyways, forcing yourself to find that damn Gastly and finish your own quest.

And once you did..the world began breaking, allowing you to see the truth in it: that it’s all just predetermined by code.

Next thing you knew...they tried to delete you, keeping you and your side-quest out of future versions of Pokémon Red. But you weren’t completely erased and made your home here within Lavender Town, wondering why you were the only one to gain free will...and whether the other NPCs around you will “awaken” someday. But you had doubts about that.

Never did you think would you cross paths with Red, of all people, who was apparently just as aware as you were. Though it’s a relief knowing you weren’t alone in this situation anymore.

“That sucks..” He muttered, unsure of how to exactly comfort you.

“Yeah, well..it is what it is, I guess.” Smiling, you patted your Gastly on the head, who purred as it nuzzled against your palm. “So the only question is..where do we go from here? How do you kill the time in this game?”

"Dunno.” He shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Sometimes I train my Pokémon even though it’s pointless...other times I just wander, waiting for a change that’ll never come.”

“Oooh, that’s pretty deep. But I suppose I’m that change now.”

“...yeah.” Nodding, he managed to smile back at you a little bit. “You’ve ever been outside this tower?”

“No, but I’ve mastered glitching between floors so..I got that going for me. I wouldn’t mind seeing the rest of Kanto with you, though.”

For some reason, the way you said that made Red’s heartbeat spike, and he coughed awkwardly as his glitches began pricking his flesh. But they were only mild, albeit noticeable as you frowned in worry. “You okay, Red?”

“..y-yeah...I’m alright now.” Flustered by his coughing fit, he cleared his throat and stood up. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here.”

You grinned and jumped to your feet, returning Gastly to your pokeball and eagerly following him out of the tower.

Even though this doesn’t change the fact that those people will eventually be back to torture him, nor will this give either of you any hopes of escaping or resting...

At least you’re together.

[quitefair]

so, about Ballister’s origin...

alright so i’m a huge, huge fan of the original nimona graphic novel. and i’m genuinely a fan of the movie too! it did make some significant changes, but overall told the story it wanted to tell, and pretty much summed up the themes of the novel itself! it was an enjoyable ride!

but!!! there was one bit of the story that didn’t quite sit right with me. and it took me a while to realise what that thing was. (i didn’t want to make a post ranting about it without properly processing what it was that made me dislike this, so i let it ruminate)

anyway, after seeing this post, everything fell into place.

instead of ballister being a commoner rising to become a knight...

what if he was born outside the wall instead? 

(major spoilers for the graphic novel and movie below)

so in the original comic, the knights of the institution were all orphans, including ballister and ambrosius. they grew up and trained together, and were both considered among the most skilled and prominent knights of the institution at the time. however, everything changed when they were pitted against each other in a jousting match. the director gave ambrosius a weaponised lance (similar to ballister’s sword in the movie). its weight threw ambrosius off balance and caused him to lose against ballister during the joust. in a fit of jealous rage over losing, he fires the lance at ballister, causing him to lose his right arm and ruining his chances of ever becoming a knight.

all of this is implied to have happened because the director wanted ambrosius to win the joust. perhaps because of the way he looked. white skin, blonde hair, all the ideal societal characteristics of a hero. nate mentions this in a recent article as well talking about the movie.

while ballister... well. he didn’t. and now he also doesn’t have an arm. it was also implied that the director didn’t like that ambrosius and ballister were close, didn’t like that her perfect hero had a weakness, probably thought that ballister was not good enough for her poster child, idk. so yeah, she killed two birds with one stone. (except in this version no queens were harmed lmao)

the way they translated this into the movie was... well. interesting.

so now, gloreth has a bigger role in all of this. which is cool! it ties in so well with nimona being gloreth’s beast, and the entire reason that the city and the institution exists in the first place. this was actually one of my favourite changes to the comics that they made for the movie!!!

but! what i didn’t like was that our boys were no longer orphans. ambrosius is now the descendant of gloreth? which is why he’s the poster boy of the institution? and the one with the weight of familial expectation on him? 

(okay i lied this kinda slaps but it wasn’t explored as much as i’d liked. anyway wouldn’t it have been great if this was a limited series instead of a movie? lmao im going off track.)

but the weirdest part for me, and something i still felt difficult to accept, was that ballister... was a commoner. a commoner that was chosen to join the institution and to become a knight.

and it’s a controversial decision?

youre telling me that in this sci-fantasy world of super monster cops, that the only way people that can become a monster cop, is through nepotism????

and consider this: most of the commercial stuff aimed at kids, teens etc (kwispy dragon for example) sends the message that maybe, just maybe, you, the commonnest of commoner children, could also rise up and be a super monster cop hero?

there’s also the fact that in our current day and age, the story of the underdog gets the most attention and press? wouldn’t the crowds be ecstatic over a kid from nowhere, rising up among the ranks to become one of the most promising potential knights in this institution?

so yeah i dont really understand why the general population have gripes against ballister becoming a knight (it’s shown at the beginning during the whole montage that there’s some people who aren’t vibing with it) douchebag knights maybe yeah. but i don’t see how the general public wouldn’t be anything but supportive, and would turn on him so fast.

unless.... he wasn’t from the city itself.

you only really hear about the wall partly through the film. you’re shown that the city grows and that there’s a wall built around it during the intro cinematic, but nothing is mentioned until quite significantly through the film. which is odd... considering how important it is to the story. gloreth built the wall to keep the monsters out. to keep us in and to keep them out. the propaganda of there only being monsters outside the wall, and only good and respectable citizens live within the city walls.

(how does the wall keep us free? the wall keeps out the enemy. and we build the wall to keep us free, that’s why we build the wall, we build the wall to keep us free.)

which would make a ballister that came in from outside the wall... well.

1. it would make the director’s statement of ‘cracks in the wall’ make more sense. in a literal sense, ballister couldve come into the city from a literal crack in the wall. which also ties into the metaphor of gloreth’s walls/propaganda cracking. and the fact that he’s now rising up to become a knight? corruption from the inside? it makes the director’s motivations hold more weight.

(also having the director be a descendant of gloreth rather than ambrosius would make more narrative sense but that’s a whole other post)

2. now the public would have more reason to not trust this guy. it’s easier to spread propaganda about him once he ‘kills the queen’. a monster infiltrating the ranks. and then he’s allied with a monster shapeshifter nimona?

3. the parallels between ballister and nimona??? would be even more prevalent??? both literal outsiders. hated by everybody for basically no reason other than that they’re different. and the fact that ballister accepts nimona when gloreth didn’t?

4. there’s also the fact that throughout the movie, the concept of the wall protecting the people from the monsters outside is questioned - are there really even monsters outside, when we’ve never seen them for ourselves? what if you guys are lying to us, what if youre WRONG? and ballister becoming a knight might’ve been a step in the right direction towards pushing against those stereotypes, but the director wasn’t having any of it.

so yeah, those are my thoughts. the movie is still insane though i rly love it. but a lad can dream about what could’ve been, yeah?