#execuspeak

[handleerz]

[donkeyshowquintanillaperezgrave]

EXECUSPEAK CONDOMIZING CORPORATESE

[mariacallous]

The county manager sent “one final video message” for 2020 and I tried to watch it even though I think it’s one of the worst ways to try to provide updates especially when you don’t provide much text to go with it sometimes.

I made it 1:25 into the 8:00 video.

He wanted to focus on 5 things that brought him joy or that he wanted to recognize from the past year and yadda yadda separate them from the challenges which will still be present in January blah blah give us a moment to think back on the things that brought us joy and hope that we share doo doo doo. I’m sure he “means well” but I don’t need this peppy sugar-covered shitsicle. 

Then he said “the initial run of this video was 15 minutes, so I’m going to run through these items and not give them the time or focus that they truly deserve” and that’s when I let out some kind of shrill laugh and felt my eyes water and clicked out of the video tab because fuck that and fuck you and fuck this whole fucking place. I don’t have the time or the patience or the energy to handle this bullshit and you literally just wasted almost a minute and a half with this drawn-out touchy feely execuspeak.

So yeah, totally fine right now. 

[execuspeak]

We're adding memes to the mix.  Any opinions?

[nycworkforce1]

Today, we arm you with knowledge, the best defense there is against the rampant use of "execuspeak." And while we can't prepare you for every buzzword you're going to encounter, we can teach you how to deal with some of the nastiest pieces of corporate jargon known to man.

The views, opinions, or expressions provided by The Work Buzz powered by CareerBuilder do not necessarily represent the views, opinions, or expressions of the City of New York and/or the NYC Dept. of Small Business Services.

[execuspeak2]

Hits

Definition: The number of people who have viewed a website.

Usage: 

Some websites have counters to record the number of hits.

Please help make this better by leaving a comment. 

[execuspeak]

Financial Risk

The likelihood of loss or less-than-expected returns. Also refers to the potential for losing money.

Usage: Gamblers are willing to take more financial risk than cautious spenders.

[execuspeak]

Competitive Intelligence

Ongoing market research activity that assembles secondary research and information, as it becomes available, to monitor changes in the marketplace.

Usage: According to our competitive intelligence, our key competitor just hired two more salespeople.

[execuspeak]

20% off around the world!

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[execuspeak]

Crowdsourcing

The practice of using skills, knowledge, and enthusiasm of many people to gather information or wisdom.

Usage: Crowdsourcing can be used to develop ideas for new products.

[execuspeak]

Core Team

The product/project manager and direct reports whose sole job responsibility is to develop and implement a new service.

Usage: Although 50 people were on the project team, the core team was only five people.

[execuspeak]

Bear

Investor or commentator who thinks that market value will go down. Pessimist. Opposite of a bull.

Usage: The investment adviser described himself as a bear and suggested that stocks might lose value over the next few weeks.

[execuspeak]

Inventory

An asset that is held for the sole purpose of selling it; in manufacturing, a raw material, work-in-process, or finished good.

 Usage: Paint and tools are inventory at a hardware store.

[execuspeak]

Book Sale!

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[execuspeak]

Non-Probabilistic Sample Survey

A survey that does not meet the standards for having statistical significance.

Usage: A survey of your friends and family. Your best friend’s opinion.

[execuspeak]

Incentivize

To encourage people to produce desired results, often through the process of developing programs and plans.

Usage: Maybe we can incentivize our people to improve their health.