#excited to be creative :) not excited to be living with someone i cannot stand for longer than an hour | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

avacoleman · 10 months ago

Text

when the lights go out || a firstprince fic

summary: Henry Fox’s career is in crisis and his dating life isn’t faring much better either. After a chance encounter with a charming man becomes memorable for all the wrong reasons, Henry throws himself into his next assignment: writing the memoir of a beloved C-list actor. Henry, however, knows Alex best for the role he played as his random, awkward one-night stand. Henry enters their professional partnership keen on keeping their relationship just that. But after Henry confesses that their hookup was less than spectacular, Alex concots an arrangement that Henry is unable to resist. In addition to ghostwriting Alex’s life story, Henry will teach him a thing or two about satisfying a man. As they spend months out on the road together, they must decide if the connection between them is yet another story worth telling.

chapter 4/8 || rated e || read on ao3 *updates every tues. and fri. *

Denver, CO Rocky Mountain Expo Henry thanks the powers that be for allowing Pez to crash the tour for the next two days. And by that, he means he cannot thank Alex enough for arranging for Pez to join them at Rocky Mountain Expo in Denver. He figures it might’ve been him mentioning one too many times how much of a Crescent Valley fan Pez was that Alex perhaps took pity and worked some magic behind the scenes to get him to fly out. Whatever it is, Henry is immensely grateful. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed Pez’s presence. Certainly they’d kept up well with FaceTimes and texts over the last few weeks, but there’s nothing quite like genuine face to face connection with a person– especially when that someone is none other than Percy Okonjo. At his side now, Henry watches Pez drink it all in. The convention center, like every other stop so far, is brimming with people from all sorts of fandoms. It’s chaotic and exciting, all baselines for a guy like Pez. Alex had left from their hotel earlier than Henry so that he could attend the scheduled fan breakfast and Henry could be available to get Pez sorted. It’s such a small thing, but it was almost as strange being apart from Alex this morning as it has been to be away from Pez these past couple of weeks. Henry hadn't realized just how dependent he’d grown on Alex’s company.

Henry’s phone buzzes in his pocket as he and Pez visit different vendors in Artist Alley where creatives sell their custom made pieces. He takes a look at the screen and sees a text from Alex.

Alex everything going well with you and pez?

Henry smiles and notes the time. There’s still thirty minutes before Alex’s panel and having the experience firsthand, he can just imagine Alex behind the scenes, keeping busy to work out his excited energy.

Henry Indeed. Would it be alright if I brought him round to meet you now? Or would after be better?

Alex now pls!

“We’re being summoned,” Henry says, pocketing his phone again.

Pez doesn’t need any more prompting and Henry leads them through the crowds to get to the hall Alex’s panel is being held. He’s surprised but pleased to find Alex already waiting for them by a private set of doors. Henry’s heart does a funny little swoop seeing Alex standing there, greeting them with a smile.

“Alex. I wanted you to meet Pez.”

Alex beams his thousand-watt smile at Pez.

“I feel like I already know you. Henry talks about you all the time. Nothing but good things, I promise,” he says.

Pez looks more and more like the Cheshire Cat as his smile overtakes his face.

“Alex Claremont-Diaz, as I live and breathe,” Pez says in a scarily good Southern debutante accent.

“You’ll have to forgive Pez. He has consumed far too much American media from the time he was a small, impressionable child. I fear the damage cannot be undone.”

Alex laughs. “It’s paid off pretty well. That sounded authentic as hell. You could give me a run for my money.”

Pez, unshakable formidable Pez, actually giggles at the compliment.

“You’re a charmer. Go on now. Keep saying more nice things. I won’t object.”

Henry watches them go, riffing off each other as if they’ve known each other forever. It feels like Henry has entered into an alternate universe of some kind, watching his worlds collide.

“I’m sure you guys must’ve made plans, but if you’re interested, I’d love to take y’all out for dinner tonight,” Alex says.

Pez’s eyes light up. “I’m sure we could shuffle a few things around,” he says, looking at Henry for confirmation. He nods and Pez smiles.

“We’d be delighted. Dinner sounds positively lovely. Thank you,” Pez continues.

Henry turns to Alex. “We could all meet back in the hotel lobby at quarter to 7 perhaps?”

Alex nods. “Yeah, that’d be great. Things should be pretty hectic at the expo today. I’ll look into making reservations nearby afterwards."

Voices carry a bit louder from inside the hall.

"I should probably get back," Alex says. "But have fun you guys and enjoy the panel. Pez, it was really nice meeting you. I will absolutely be expecting a truckload of embarrassing stories and any overall dirt you might have on Henry, so start brainstorming now,” he says with a wink.

Henry already rues turning them into co-conspirators.

Pez smiles and wiggles his fingers at Alex before he leaves them to head to the greenroom. The moment Alex rounds the corner, Pez does an unseemly victory dance right there in the corridor.

“How can you possibly stand being around him all day every day without wanting to jump his bones? He’s even more attractive in person. That’s just unnatural. Dare I say, it’s supernatural.”

Henry touches his hand to his forehead.

“Come on. Let’s go grab our seats. They’ll be starting shortly.”

~*~*~

The secret of his true dynamic with Alex haunts Henry like a tell-tale heart. Each time Pez mentioned Alex’s name after the panel and now back here in their hotel room, Henry feels as if he could choke on the secret.

“I’ve hit rock bottom,” he says, apropos of nothing as he and Pez watch an episode of Crescent Valley on his laptop in bed.

“Welcome! There’s plenty of room down here,” Pez says, yanking Henry to rest his head in his lap. “Come now, tell Auntie Pezza what ails you, my darling.”

Henry sighs and hits the spacebar, freezing the show. It’s a small mercy that it isn’t a scene with Alex. He’s not so sure he’d be able to get through this conversation with Alex’s face right there in front of them.

“I think I’ve made a mistake.”

Pez’s fingers scratch lightly against Henry’s scalp.

“My dear Henry, you’re a writer. I need you to put your fancy degree to good use and elaborate for me, love.”

Henry looks away, unable to maintain eye contact for what he’s about to say.

“Part of me is falling for someone that I shouldn’t. Maybe ‘falling for’ is a bit too much. I need more time to parse it, but I feel…different sometimes.”

Pez’s hand stops combing through his hair.

“Hang on now. You haven’t met anyone new recently that I know of. I mean, there’s that secret midnight hookup back in New York and of course, scrumptious Alex. The latter would be bonkers, but it can’t be the former. You never got his info.”

Henry bites back on his lower lip. Pez is so close to the mark.

“That’s not exactly true. I sort of…ran into him the next day.”

“Have you any Advil here? I swear you’re giving me a headache talking in riddles like this. You had lunch with Alex the next day and then came straight home, no?”

Pez’s eyes grow wide, realization sinking in. Henry sits up and not a moment too soon as Pez’s hands fly to his mouth and he muffles a scream.

“No! Oh, my god, wait. No. There’s just no way! You don’t mean to say…Alex is Javier?”

Henry looks down at his hands, suddenly very fascinated with them.

“Well, now, that just shattered all my illusions. Pity he wasn’t good in bed. As fit as he is…hmm.”

“He wasn’t good that first night, no. But since then…”

“Since then! ” Pez shrieks, completely scandalized. “Grab the smelling salts! Get me a lounge chair! I’m going to pass out, I swear it. This is simply too much for me to take,” he says, putting a hand over his heart.

Pez shakes his head almost cartoonishly.

“Do you mean to tell me you two have been shagging this whole time?”

“Not the whole time,” Henry says reflexively. “Look, Pez, you cannot say a word to anyone, do you understand?”

Pez’s face grows serious, all his theatrics subsiding at the drop of a hat.

“I give you my word. You know that. I wouldn’t tell a soul.”

Henry nods. “No, I know. I’m sorry,” he says, rubbing anxiously at his temple. “I’m just…there’s so much riding on this, you know? The book, my contract. Most importantly though, he’s only out to his friends and family right now. This isn’t even my secret to tell. But, heavens, Pez, I feel like I’ve been dying keeping this in. Things are so good with us. I’ve been loving being on this tour.”

“Well, I should think so,” Pez says, smirking a little. “If I were spending my nights tangled in the sheets with none other than Alex Claremont-Diaz, I’d be having the time of my already fabulous life too.”

Henry shoves him gently.

“You’re horrible, but I’ll admit, that’s been an added bonus. But honestly? I simply like being around him. He’s clever and funny and smart and infuriating in the best ways at times…I don’t know. It’s been fun getting to know him.”

Pez’s brows furrow a bit.

“Are you sure you can handle this, Hazza? It actually does sound an awful lot like you’re falling pretty hard here. I assume you two have struck up a deal of some sort with guidelines?”

“It’s just casual. Platonic even. I’m merely giving him pointers in the bedroom and by the time I leave from the tour, that’ll be the end of that. We’ll both move on from this,” Henry says.

Pez doesn’t look entirely convinced.

“I don’t think you can put a hard deadline on feelings. No offense, but casual has never quite been your factory setting.”

Henry shakes his head. “It’s fine. This is so unlike me. I’m only being silly now, getting swept up in the secrecy of it all.”

Pez grins. “That I can understand. This is terribly salacious. I’m eating it up with a bib and a spoon.”

Pez hums and taps his chin. “Now, let’s back it up just a taste for one moment, honey. When you say he’s improved since New York…”

Henry buries his face in his hands and groans.

“Oh, come on! You’ve got to give me something here,” Pez insists. “You’ve been sitting on an absolute treasure trove of a secret for weeks now!”

Henry looks up and takes a deep breath.

“He…takes instructions very well. He’s a rather quick and adept learner. An enthusiastic one at that.”

Pez’s smile grows even wider which Henry didn’t think was humanly possible.

“I’d absolutely hate you if I didn’t love you so much. I’m dying. Good on you though.”

Henry laughs at the absurdity of Pez’s praise.

“Anyway, I needed to tell someone before I popped, so thank you for indulging me.”

“No, no. Thank you, my dear, for this cup of delicious, piping hot tea. I’m all the more excited for dinner now, to get to know the kitten who has gotten my best friend so smitten.”

~*~*~

After an incredible dinner at one of the trendiest restaurants Henry has ever been to, Pez insists they keep the night going with drinks downtown. It’s truly a marvel to see how easily his best friend is able to be at home anywhere, even a place he’s only now visiting for the first time.

From the moment they entered the club, Pez took his place on the dancefloor like a king holding court among his subjects. He dances with perfectly good strangers, cozying up to a few of them. Henry is already wondering if he’ll have to arrange to sleep elsewhere tonight.

He shakes his head to himself as he reaches for his drink where he and Alex sit in a corner booth, away from the crowd but with a perfect view to see it all.

“You told Pez about us,” Alex says out of the blue, a statement not a question.

Henry bites nervously on his bottom lip, stunned. He thinks back to dinner. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He actually thought Pez did a good job of hiding the fact that he was in on the secret. Yet still, Alex clearly picked up on something.

“I did. I’m sorry. I promise, he wouldn’t tell anyone. Subtly may not be his strong suit,” he says, glancing over Pez with his bubblegum pink hair and flashy sequined jacket, an all-out blur on the dancefloor, “but discretion is. He knows you aren’t out. He’d never in a million years breathe a word of any of this.”

Alex nods and smiles. “If you trust him, so do I. Honestly, I’m not worried. In all fairness, I told my sister and Nora.”

Henry can’t even begin to absorb that information or the possible implications of it. It’s just enough to know that this dynamic between them felt worthwhile enough for Alex to tell the two closest people to him.

“And do they think us mad for this?”

“Actually, no. They damn near threw me a party,” Alex says, reaching for his beer and laughing to himself. “Your fan club increased by two automatically.”

Henry lifts a brow. “Am I to assume you’re a member too?”

“Sweetheart, I’m the president. The founding member.”

Henry smiles demurely and shakes his head.

“Once again, I must say, you do wonders for my self-esteem. Thank you.”

Alex eyes him curiously.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Henry says. “What’s on your mind?”

“How the fuck are you single? Not that I’m actually complaining because, selfishly, there’s no way in hell we’d be able to do any of the things we’ve been doing since New York. I’m counting my lucky stars and all that jazz, but still. It’s absolutely crazy to me that you aren’t seeing anyone. I’m sure that’s a conscious choice on your part. It’s got to be. A guy like you wouldn’t have any issues finding a boyfriend if you wanted one.”

Henry rubs the back of his neck.

“I don’t know what it is. Perhaps I’m too closed off.”

“Bullshit. The night we met, you opened up to me. You were so easy to talk to. I felt like I’d always known you.”

This brings Henry up short. He’d felt that same connection with Alex too, but to hear the man echo the sentiment almost identically to how he’d thought about it is slightly disorienting.

“I think we’ve established that night was a special case. It was different with you. I was different with you than I normally am with literally every other guy I’ve pursued. I don’t know why. I just felt comfortable so it was easy, for the first time in God only knows how long to open up. It was a fluke.”

“Or fate,” Alex says. His eyes widen and he blinks twice quickly. “I’m like…I’m not trying to say we’re soulmates or anything,” he stammers. “I just mean, I don’t know. It’s rare for me too to click with someone like that. I think there’s something to be said for two people like us just happening across each other then crossing paths again the very next day. What are the odds of that?”

Henry is quiet as he mulls over Alex’s words.

“I don’t mean to freak you out. Shit, just forget I said anything.”

Henry shakes his head.

“You didn't. I think you might actually have a point and I don’t know what to make of it.”

He searches Alex's eyes then looks away, back down to his laptop.

“Anyway, to answer your question, I suppose I’m single because it simply isn’t my time right now. I’ve never truly been lucky in that department. Our night aside, I really do have a tendency to guard myself.”

“Why?” Alex asks. “There’s so much good in there. I could see it on day one. That’s what drew me to you in the first place.”

“So it wasn’t just my dashing good looks and accent?”

Alex cocks his head to the side and gives him a look.

“I’m serious. I’ve been seeing it ever since. You’re depriving people, Henry. Most of all, yourself and I think that’s the worst part in all of this. It’d be a shame to never share that.”

Henry’s brows furrow. In a way, hadn’t he been letting Alex in this whole time? Henry realizes belatedly that maybe it didn’t count. After all, none of this was actually real.

If only his heart knew that.

“Shall I get us another round?” he says, rising from his seat, suddenly needing to be away from this suffocating booth.

Alex runs a hand through his hair.

“Fuck. Henry, wait. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” Henry says, perhaps too quickly. He tries again, setting his hand down on the table.

“We’re good. I just…I need a moment is all. Besides, I should probably get Pez a large glass of water before he passes out.”

Alex’s knuckles touch the back of his hand. It’s so subtle and faint, any passerby wouldn’t even notice. But that small point of contact becomes the sole focus of Henry’s entire world.

“You’re sure we’re okay?” Alex asks again.

Henry stares back at him.

“Always.”

~*~*~

Columbus, OH GalaxyCon Day 1

Another week, another time zone and Henry is convinced tour life might actually be the death of him.

When they arrived in Ohio yesterday evening, Henry had felt a bit off. He ignored the feeling, not wanting anything to put a damper on the upcoming con and Alex’s excitement over it. He’d be joined again by his castmates and was looking forward to the big dinner they had planned before they were all parting ways again.

Henry liked how pumped Alex got ahead of and during cons, the way he’d light up at the prospect of seeing familiar faces in the crowds and new ones alike. Since the announcement, Henry has noticed the uptick in fervor from both Alex and fans. The last thing Henry wants to do is give Alex any cause for concern or worry.

He gets through most of the morning at GalaxyCon pretty well until close to noon when Alex’s panel is set to start.

“You okay?” Alex asks. “You look a little pale.”

“Yeah, I think all this traveling is catching up to me.”

Alex puts the back of his hand on Henry’s forehead.

“You feel warm, Henry. You must be coming down with something.”

Henry can hear the worry in Alex's voice.

“I’m fine.”

“I can literally see and feel that you aren’t.”

Henry can hear fans being let into the hall. Maybe all he needs now is just some time away to sit alone with some peace and quiet.

“If it’s alright with you, I’m going to pop back to the hotel and get some rest.”

Alex’s lips and brows are pinched with concern.

“Of course it’s okay. Do you need anything?”

Henry shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. You have your panel to focus on. I’ll be fine.”

Alex doesn’t look convinced and Henry can see the debate he’s having with himself.

He touches Alex’s arm lightly. “I’ll check in with you later. Go have fun out there with your friends.”

Almost on cue, the rest of the cast starts to line up behind the stage. Henry watches them go past but Alex doesn’t budge.

“Go, Alex. I’ll be fine.”

Alex sighs and nods, finally accepting defeat.

“The second we’re done here though, I’m calling you.”

“Fair enough,” Henry says. “I’ll be as good as new by the time you do. You’ll see.”

~*~*~

There’s an annoying pounding sound that makes Henry’s already aching head feel worse as he opens his eyes.

“Henry, let me in,” he hears faintly.

Henry groans and rolls over in bed, instantly regretting the move. His vision feels like a dizzying kaleidoscope. He shuts his eyes again and takes a breath before looking around his room.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been knocked out, but the sun is no longer in the sky and that’s telling enough.

“Henry?” the voice calls again. There are three more quick knocks on the door. “You’re freaking me out. Open up.”

Alex.

Henry sways as he gets to his feet. It takes a moment for the room to stop feeling like it’s spinning before he walks over to the door and opens it.

On the other side, he’s met with an anxious looking Alex who takes a deep breath of relief.

“Thank God. I was about to get hotel security.”

“I’m fine,” Henry says.

Alex’s face is incredulous. “You look like shit which I never thought was possible. No offense,” he tacks on. “Shaan has been calling you. I’ve been calling you. I thought you’d passed out though, by the looks of things, I’m guessing that’s exactly what happened. You’re sick.”

Henry rubs at his left temple.

“I need…to sit. You…can keep talking if you want,” he says, stepping away from the door and back into the room.

Behind him, Alex scoffs and presumably comes inside. Henry hears the door close, but it feels like it’d take too much effort to turn around and confirm.

He sits on the edge of bed and wraps the covers around himself like a cocoon.

“I wanted to ask you some more stuff for the book. I just need thirty minutes more. You can go. I’ll set an alarm,” he says, fumbling around the nightstand for his phone but he soon abandons the task when he forgets what he’s searching for a moment later.

“Forget the book. Do you know what day it is?” Alex asks as he approaches his bedside.

“It’s Friday,” Henry mumbles, the comforter falling from his shoulders.

“Okay, yeah, technically. But it’s also Opposite Day. So, I will be doing the polar opposite of everything you suggest.”

“Alex. How is that— in any way, shape, or form—different from any other day of the week for you?”

Alex grins, his nose scrunching as he does so.

“You may have lost the ability to breathe through your nose, but it’s nice to know your sass is still firmly in place.”

A wave of nausea hits Henry just then, holding him back from making another quick retort. The discomfort he feels must register on his face as Alex’s smile disappears and concern quickly takes its place instead.

“Come on, seriously, lay down. Please let me take care of you.”

Henry’s tired body responds at once as if it’d been waiting for the command to allow him to finally give in. He settles in on his side and Alex is right there, pulling the comforter over him.

Henry’s surprised as Alex crouches beside the bed, their faces on level as he brushes damp strands from Henry’s forehead. His fingertips are soft against Henry’s skin where they lightly graze him. Alex’s eyes track the movement of his own hand, but Henry can’t look away from the other man's face, taking stock of the way his lashes cast shadows on his cheekbones and his perfect mouth parts slightly.

“I’ll be right back,” Alex says softly. “I’m going to find the nearest pharmacy and grab a few things for you.”

“I just need to sleep it off.”

Alex scoffs. “Christ, and I thought I was stubborn. I might’ve finally found my match.”

Those words shouldn’t have the power to make Henry’s heart leap. He chalks it up to his sickness for the temporary delusion that Alex could mean anything more. They aren’t a match, even if they’ve been proving to be compatible in virtually every regard. He’s simply not the kind of person Alex actually settles down with.

It’s far too much to think about now; perhaps even when he isn’t feeling like Death warmed over wouldn’t be the best time to attempt dissecting all his complicated feelings.

“You’re the hottest nurse I’ve ever had.”

Alex winks. “If only I’d had time to get a uniform. You’ll just have to use your imagination, sweetheart.”

“A literal interpretation of a fever dream, huh?”

Alex smiles and strokes Henry’s hair again.

“Speaking of dreams, get some sleep while I’m gone.” Henry watches Alex snag his keycard from the nightstand. “I’ll let myself in when I get back. Call if anything changes while I’m out, okay?”

Henry nods, but already his brain is starting to shut down, his eyes too.

He feels a gentle hand against his cheek and what he thinks could be lips on the crown of his head for a brief moment before sleep overtakes him.

~*~*~

When he opens his eyes again, Alex’s back is to him as he sits at the front of the bed. An episode of The Golden Girls is playing on the television and Henry thinks, surely, this fever is playing tricks on his mind.

He sits up slowly and Alex turns at once just as the show breaks for advertisements.

Alex smiles and gets to his feet, going over to the table in the room. Henry sees two tote bags there that Alex begins to unload. The haul is serious, complete with cough medicine, throat lozenges, vapor rub, and even soup and orange juice.

It warms Henry’s heart to see the care that’s gone into this, but he can’t imagine this is how anyone would want to spend a Friday night.

“You’re sweet for this, Alex, thank you,” he says, sniffling a little. He clears his throat.

“You’re going to get sick if you hang around much longer though. You should probably go. I can take it from here. Honest.”

“Do I make for such poor company that you’re giving me the boot already? I’m borderline offended.”

Henry lets out a breath, the closest thing he can muster to a laugh, and gets into bed again, pulling the covers over himself.

“Of course not. I’d just feel even worse if you caught this because of me.”

Alex brings the container of soup over and sets it on the nightstand.

“I’m from Texas. We’re built strong. And besides, I always prepare for the con circuit. At this point I’ve probably got more Airborne than blood running through my veins. I’m good and I’m staying now shh, commercials are over.”

Henry shakes his head to himself as Alex focuses back on the screen and sits beside him now on top of the covers. Henry studies his profile, the sharp angles on a still soft face.

“You must be starving by now and if you aren’t, that’s all the more reason to eat. Here, try a bit of the soup.”

Alex leans over him and grabs the circular plastic container and takes the lid off. Vapors rise from it and it hits Henry then just how hungry he really is. Alex dips a spoon inside and brings it to his lips.

“I can feed myself. I’m not a baby,” Henry protests.

“No, but you’re acting like one. Now shut up and let me take care of you, dammit,” Alex grumbles.

“Your bedside manor could use a bit more work,” Henry says, but he obliges, leaning forward and taking a sip.

Alex’s eyes look anxious as he watches him.

“Is it good? I went with chicken noodle, a tried and true classic. But if you want something else, I could always—”

“It’s perfect, thank you. You’ve done more than enough, Alex. Seriously.”

He lets Alex coddle him and finishes the soup before taking some cold medicine and orange juice. They watch more TV though Henry doesn’t really pay attention to anything on the screen. His body feels drained again and he's glad Alex had been stubborn and insisted on staying. It’d be an even more miserable scene if he were alone.

He tucks in on Alex’s side and rests his head against his chest.

“I’m really glad you're here,” Henry says after a moment. He listens to the steady drumming of Alex’s heart as the man cards his fingers through Henry’s hair, his dull nails gently scratching against his scalp. It’s enough to lull Henry; he feels himself quickly losing the battle to fatigue all over again.

“There’s no place else I’d rather be. Get some more rest, sweetheart,” he hears Alex’s voice say quietly as he begins to drift. The final word hit Henry’s ear a bit differently. It’s not as if Alex has never said it to him before, but this time, it sounded sincerely affectionate. Romantic even.

His exhaustion and delirium must be at an all-time high and working together to make him conjure up the term of endearment Alex has never uttered in that particular tone before.

~*~*~

Columbus, OH

Day 2

“You missed the cast dinner,” Henry says almost accusatorily, setting his plate of breakfast and mug of tea down on Alex’s table the next morning in the hotel's dining hall.

“Hi, sunshine. Good morning to you too. Slept well then?” Alex replies, popping a grape into his mouth.

Henry frowns as he takes a seat.

“Alex, I’m serious. I just realized you were supposed to meet up with everyone last night.”

Alex shrugs and plucks another grape from the bunch on his plate.

“And yet the world is still spinning. The sun is still shining. It’s not a big deal. I see them all the time and you needed me more. It wasn’t a hard choice to make.”

Henry feels his face warm slightly at the sentiment.

“You didn’t have to sacrifice your night for me.”

“It wasn’t a sacrifice. I wanted to be there for you. It’s as simple as that.”

Henry pulls out a chair and sits.

“Well, thank you. I appreciated it.”

Alex smiles. “You look good today. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Me too. Considering the fact that you bought up half the pharmacy, my immune system didn’t have a choice but to get itself in order. How much do I owe you?”

“And here I was thinking we finally moved past this. I’m not accepting any form of payment or payback for last night,” Alex says, spreading cream cheese on a bagel.

Henry smiles to himself.

“You’re infuriatingly stubborn.”

“I might’ve been told that once or twice before, yes.”

Henry laughs and decides he’s better off shifting gears.

“What would you like to do today? Are any of your castmates still in town?”

Alex shakes his head.

“Nah, not for long. They had early morning flights and should be at the airport by now if they aren’t already in the skies.”

Henry bites his tongue to avoid apologizing again.

“Perhaps we could hang out then? Maybe we could get lunch or do something fun before we kiss this city goodbye too.”

Alex grabs his phone and types something into it.

“Have you ever done mini-golf before?”

Henry laughs.

“No, I can’t say that I have.”

“There's an adventure park near here. Mini-golf, go karts…you in?”

“Are you an adrenaline junkie?” Henry asks, taking a sip of his tea.

Alex eyes him for a moment.

“I’m a fan of most things that get my heart racing. Surely you must know that by now.”

Henry tries and fails not to look affected. Usually Alex saves flirtatious talk like this for their lessons, when they’re in the privacy of one of their rooms.

He figures he’s overthinking it. Anyone passing by would simply think it’s an innocuous statement. Only Henry knows the deeper meaning of his words. It excites him, having this secret hiding in plain sight.

“That makes two of us then. I’m game.”

~*~*~

They unwind after a day of adventure in Alex’s room watching Crescent Valley. Alex gives Henry behind the scenes commentary on what it was like filming on the show and he takes advantage of the insights, letting his phone rest between them as they lay side by side in bed, recording all the stories so that he can add more color to the book.

Henry creates a new voice note and puts the show on pause, switching over to his running notes document.

“Can you talk to me about your journey learning about your sexuality?” he asks. “It’s such a key part to the memoir, I’d love to hear more about that.”

Alex pulls in a breath and Henry feels a bit guilty about switching gears so suddenly. In contrast to how easy it was for Alex to share on-set anecdotes, he seems unsure of where to start now.

“It used to be a distant, vague thing in my head. The first concrete period of time I can pinpoint is freshman year. I played lacrosse in high school,” Alex says. “And I was damn good.”

Henry can picture it easily, Alex in uniform, a complete rockstar on the field. He’s patient as Alex parses his thoughts.

“I’d get super competitive with guys I thought had an edge on me. I can’t really describe it. But sometimes I’d reason, if I could beat them, they’d be impressed and I’d get on their radar. I really don’t know how to explain it,” he repeats. Henry can hear the frustration. “I guess I was seeking some kind of validation. I wanted them to notice me and not just as an athlete.”

Alex sighs.

“I’ve only genuinely hooked up with one guy other than you. I’ve gotten wasted at parties in L.A before and I’ve made out with some dudes, but it was always something I could explain away like, I was drunk or just doing a bit. Messing around, you know? But then I’d think about high school and the way one of my teammates and I would kinda orbit around each other. It wasn’t…the same with him. With Liam,” Alex sighs and Henry doesn’t miss how soft Alex’s voice gets when saying his old teammates name.

“I didn’t get that competitive streak. It was different. More real. With him, it was like we were on equal ground.”

Alex shakes his head, toying with his fingers.

“We were good friends. We’d hang out a lot after practice or games. We kind of fell into it. I almost don’t even remember how or when I noticed it for the first time, the way we’d hold each other’s gaze a little longer than was needed. Or the way we’d make excuses to casually touch either other in almost stealthy ways. I guess it doesn’t really matter. Point is, it eventually came to a head. We’d be so hopped up on adrenaline after lacrosse most times and one day, one thing led to another and the next thing I knew, we were making out in my room.”

Henry studies Alex’s profile, sees the deep furrow of his brow as if, years later, he’s still trying to understand his actions.

“The first time it happened, I thought that’d be the only time. We were both kinda spooked by it, to be honest. After he left though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it…about how much I actually liked it and wanted it again. For fuck’s sake, I got off thinking about him and our kiss that night. That was the first time I ever got off thinking about a guy.”

Alex sighs.

“I saw him the next day at practice. At first, we kept our distance in the locker room. We went out on the field with everyone else, and played our parts well. Then he showed up at my house afterwards totally unannounced and it became a recurring thing after that. If we celebrated a win or if one of us had a shitty day at practice...we’d keep seeking each other out. It was mostly always just kissing. But every now and then, we’d touch. Nothing over the top. Hell, we’d mostly just get ourselves off together. I think I was too scared to touch him like that. It would have made what we were doing too real somehow.”

Henry listens on quietly, fully present in this moment with Alex.

“We… I chalked it up to goofing around. Just boys being boys or whatever bullshit I used to convince myself it meant nothing. Liam is actually engaged now to a pretty great guy. We’ve talked since high school, you know, about everything. I thought we were just messing around, but he told me how serious it was on his end, even back then. He’d always felt different than our classmates. He always knew this truth about himself even though he was afraid to say it out loud. He genuinely liked me as more than a friend.”

Alex frowns and collects his thoughts.

“Looking back on it, I feel like such an asshole. Liam had real feelings for me and I know now that I was attracted to him, but we were in two totally different headspaces when we were hooking up. Each time, it was reaffirming something for him. He knew fully that he was gay. For me, at the time at least, it just felt like a way of getting off and having fun. He felt like an exception to everything, an anomaly. I still went out with and hooked up with girls regularly, you know. I didn’t know what it actually meant about me that I was in fact drawn to both.”

Alex runs a hand through his hair.

“I’m glad he and I have had the chance to talk things through. And I’ve apologized to him several times, but it hardly feels like enough. I should have been more careful. I should have seen what that really was. I never meant to hurt him.”

Henry inches forward, his heart breaking as Alex looks at him with wet eyes.

“You’ve done all you can since learning the truth. It wasn’t intentional and I’m sure he knows that. Liam isn’t upset with you, right?”

Alex shakes his head.

“No, but he’d have every reason in the world to be.”

Henry places a hand on Alex’s.

“You can’t beat yourself up over this. You’ve made amends. You were just kids back then. This isn’t easy. You’ve got to give yourself some grace.”

There’s a distant look in Alex’s eyes as he blinks his tears away.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right and logically, I get that. Still, I can’t fully shake it. I can’t help but to wonder what my life would have been like if only I would have realized what it meant that I kept going back to him. Because I really wanted it with him specifically, but it felt like a one-off, like no big deal, you know? If I thought a few guys were attractive, I saw it as just having eyes and being observant. It didn’t feel like some life-altering thing. But in reality? The things I was doing with Liam, the things I wanted to do with him but didn’t have the courage to say…that was a huge turning point and I totally missed it. Sometimes, it almost feels like I was robbed. But it was my own ignorance that kept me in the dark for so long.”

Alex shrugs and looks away and Henry’s heart shatters at once.

“Anyway, that’s a conversation for me and my therapist. I won’t bore you with it any further now,” Alex laughs, but Henry can hear the pain in it.

He stops the recording. He’s asked enough of Alex tonight.

“It’s never a bore, a bother, or a burden. You can always talk to me. Even if I weren’t tasked with writing out your life’s story, I’d want to listen. I…perhaps it’s improper, but I sincerely do consider you a dear friend, Alex.”

Alex quirks a brow.

“Given the things we’ve done to each other’s bodies, I’d say friendship is the least improper territory we’ve waded into.”

This time Henry laughs as he concedes.

“You’ve got me there,” he relents.

Alex smiles softly and reaches for Henry’s hand.

“I appreciate it though. The offer and…you know, you in general. You’re helping me in all sorts of ways, it’s actually kind of crazy. I don’t know if I’ve even said thank you yet, for any of it. But I am grateful for everything.”

“You’re welcome. It’s nice to know I can be useful,” Henry says, aiming for levity.

But Alex’s face is serious as he shakes his head and laces their fingers.

“It’s beyond that, Henry. You’re essential to me. I don’t ever want you to forget that.”

#rwrb fic #red white and royal blue #firstprince #henry fox mountchristen windsor #alex claremont diaz #userthai #tusersonia #tuserpaige #usernicholas #usersteen #tusersilence #userjamiec #lookstevie #kimmy writes

24 notes · View notes

stephsycamore · 10 months ago

Text

Hello friends. Yet another post on a topic literally no one here signed up for but the blog is about my hyperfixation of the month so here we are

I have been reading dramione. I know in my last post i said i was ki da over dramione after a couple of fics because i find the pairing too toxic but i only kinda lied because i have just reread the like 4 dramione fics i found and liked and now i will review them. Technically i have read/started more than 4 but i won't be commenting on fics i didn't like because that isn't fair to the writers.

The first one was manacled. Which i know what a fucking reintroduction to the fandom. But i am no young newbie. I used to read and rewrite A LOT of harry potter fic and while its still fuck jk rowling, she doesn't financially benefit from fic and i heard years ago that she doesn't like fic so. I hope its all a big fuck u to her.

Anyway, manacled. Wow!!! What the fuck???? It has lived rent free in my head ever since. I literally cannot stop thinking about it. If ever i reentered the harry potter fic world let it be known that it would be so i can write fanfic of this fanfic. A couple points - manacled is kinda overly long and would benefit from an editor/beta reader, but I heard senlinyu wrote it on her phone while nursing a baby and just???? Idk what her day job is, but that woman needs to be doing creative writing mfas, writers workshops, residencies, whatever. That is extraordinary creative talent.

I think the first part with hermione in the manor was a bit overly long and too torture porn ish. A lot of the scenes bordered into the unnecessarily gratituous. But overall, it was well plotted, well written, and gut wrenching. The last section takes my breath away

The second fic i read was Remain Nameless. And while i kinda don't love smut (it makes me a little uncomfy) i think remain nameless is a perfrct example of fanfic as a genre. Within fic, there are obviously genres, but there are stylistic elements and things that I think makes fanfiction a genre in itself. Remain Nameless is an exploration of character that goes beyond the confines of conventional or traditionally publish-able story structure. It is too long, too drawn out, too indulgent to be a traditionally published story. If i swap out the names and details in Manacled or Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in love (up next) out, its a probably close to a stand alone novel, but Remain Nameless relies on you knowing and already caring about Draco and Hermione. I don't mean that disparagingly at all, I just think sometimes people don't realize that fanfic should be different from traditionally published novels and that is a benefit of the genre. I think Remain Nameless is great. Its an indulgent, fluffy read that takes two broken people and slowly puts them back together again. Its like a hug in book format.

My next one is DMATMOOBIL!! I loved this one. And the author??? You cannot convince me that this fic was not written by someone with literal years of publishing experience in contemporary romance. No way. Its too good. Not just in a good writing way. Manacled is good in an unfiltered, raw talent way, but DMATMOOBIL is polished. The plot is perfectly structured and then each chapter within that is perfectly structured. I loved it. It wad witty, funny, heartfelt, and exciting. Not sure what more I can say about it. It reads like published fiction both in its polish and readability, and I think of all the fics I read has the best worldbuilding. It is truly exciting to read about the possibilities of magical and muggle science colliding in this book and bringing their world to the 21st century.

The last fic i read was Green Light by SereneMusafir. I thought it was so good but would benefit from being split into two maybe even three books. Green Light features a journalist coming to interview Draco many years after the events of the book, so that kinda complicates splitting it up, but as it stands, the story parts are too vast and thematically disparate to be one book. The first part has Draco and Hermione on an expedition in the desert to find a archeological myth and the writing is extraoridinary. Its poetic and cinematic. But I think at times it all tries to do too much. Like I said, the whole thing needs to be split up but each chapter also needs to be a bit shorter. Again, I don't mean cutting content, but rather restructuring. As it is, I read an incredible scene, but then there's like 5 more scenes of something else, and by the time I'm at the end of the chapter, I've kinda forgotten what amazing prose I read earlier on. Things get lost in this way. Beautiful passages buried.

I think two or three books would also allow each thematic section to be explored better. Idk i thought about this one a lot. I likely will not reread Green Light the way I have reread the others on this list, but other than Manacled, it is the one I think about most. Its the most ambitious plot wise and it kinda got lost in that ambition but I think it has so much potential and was over all very good.

Anyway. That is the end to this book review no one asked for. I will likely not be reading more dramione. So here ends that brief of excellent phase.

#dramione #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry pottet fanfic #dramione fic #draco malfoy #hermione granger #manacled #senlinyu #remain nameless #heyjude19 #draco malfoy and the mortifying ordeal of being in love #isthisselfcare #dmatmoobil #green light #serenemusafir

28 notes · View notes

roxynmae · 1 year ago

Text

Announcement

A quick announcement from me, a disappointing one for those who have excitedly followed along with my stories in the Avatar fandom. After some upsetting experiences with plagiarism, I won’t be posting any more works in the Avatar fandom on Tumblr or AO3.

This is because my one shot “Stolen Laughs” about Spider and Quaritch was plagiarised by another person on Tumblr. My original ideas and writing were copied word for word, butchered, then reposted by someone else. This person knows who they are, and has been called out by my friends and followers in this community.

What made it worse is after this person was rightfully called out, instead of doing the responsible, respectful thing by apologising and deleting my stolen work (and stolen works from other creators they plagiarised) they decided to harass me on Tumblr by sending me anons and messages and deflecting the blame.

I, and other creators in this fandom are the victims, but this person has wrongfully painted themselves out to be the innocent person. They hurt me and others deeply by stealing art and writing that take a lot of time, energy, and creativity to make.

Then, they wanted ME to forgive them for stealing said writing, and asked me to stop telling people to be mad at them. I did not make the call out post or ask my friends to send them polite messages to take down the stolen works from their blog. But I am so, so grateful to my friends for standing by me and supporting me through this difficult time. It’s very appreciated.

It’s incredibly disheartening to see that this person is antagonising the creators they have stolen works from and won’t accept responsibility by admitting their blame and righting their wrongs. This could have easily been fixed by an apology and deleting the stolen content and refraining from reposting stolen works again. But no, they chose not to do that.

I know this because the original account who stole my writing actually blocked me instead of apologising, and as mentioned above, chose to send my anonymous messages to harass me into making me feel guilty for their faults.

For the people waiting for the next chapters of “Live And Let Die”, I am sorry but I won’t be continuing the story or writing any new works in the Avatar fandom. Otherwise, I am done sharing my work here. English is not my first language. I put a lot of hard work, time, and effort into writing something good and improving myself as a writer.

I won’t be going anywhere and I’m still writing because I’m passionate about it and not going to let this experience put me off what I’m passionate about. In the future though, I won’t be posting any Avatar related works on my blog.

I’m very excited for the next thing I will be creating, only the future will tell what that is, and for those of you who have supported me as a friend and as a creator, I cannot wait to show you what it is.

Thank you for reading and understanding❤️

#avatar #spider socorro #miles quartich #personal post #Roxy’s life update #roxy talks #announcement

79 notes · View notes

otherworldseekers · 10 months ago

Text

6.55 and onward to Dawntrail!

And so Endwalker is officially at an end and the months until Dawntrail stretch out before us. It's going to be a difficult wait.

Spoilers for 6.55 msq and DT ahead.

Personally, I've been excited ever since they announced our destination for the new expansion. There's little I love more than exploring new places and getting to know new cultures and Severia is the same. The set up of "participating in a contest for the throne" I've been more or less neutral on. I knew my response would depend entirely on the characters involved so I've been eager to know more. Having now met Wuk Lamat, I can confidently say that Severia and I would do anything for her.

I know some people have worries about the so-called conflict within the Scions, but from the information that Wuk Lamat gave us I think the whole succession issue is more about competition than "conflict" except for that one mysterious contender that she says cannot win. (Can't wait to find out more.) It seems highly probably that Koana, the miqo brother she mentions who studied in Sharlayan, is another contender and is the one that Thancred and Urianger have agreed to help. That leaves two unknowns. I'm going to make a prediction that Estinien ends up in support of a third Mamool Ja contender, who is not the dangerous one. I don't know how Y'shola and G'raha are going to fit in, but I have every confidence in the writers' creativity.

I am also intrigued by the little mentions of Garlemald in this patch. Alphinaud and Alisaie want to come specifically so they can gain knowledge that will help Garlemald. The "conqueror" Wuk Lamat warns about is interested in taking advantage of Garlemald's weakness. We even get to help some Garleans kick back and relax on our Island. As someone with an interest in Garlemald (for reasons), I am hopeful that this is an indication that Garlemald's future will continue to concern us in the future and that we can do something about its current state.

It struck me, now that we have our WoL's party set up, that it is meant to call back to our initial journey to a new city in 2.0. Alisaie and Alphinaud were there then too, though we did not know them. And Erenville, who travels for a living, could be said to take the place of the merchant. I believe the reason that they had a stand alone side story for the 6.x msq rather than the pattern that we are used to, is that 7.0 is meant to feel like 2.0. It's the start of a brand new story introducing us to a brand new world where we have no connections or history or baggage and are essentially back to being just adventurers again.

While Yoshida has joked about this being the WoL's vacation, I'm hoping that the tantalizing mentions of the City of Gold will lead to some fun Indiana Jones-esque adventures. But I am definitely most excited about delving into Solution 9 and learning its mysteries.

As usual, I am always hoping and praying that Nero will become relevant in the new content again. (Come on, SE, there are a million ways you could use him and he improves every single thing he's in.) However, even if he's not, I plan to drag him into the story in my own headcanons and writings. Severia's not leaving her man behind this time, not when he would be so eager to explore a whole new potential source of technological discoveries. How exactly he'll fit in I will leave until I actually see how the story plays out.

All in all, I am very excited and looking forward to more exciting story to experience this summer!

#patch 6.55 #patch 6.55 spoilers #Dawntrail #Dawntrail spoilers

15 notes · View notes

maebird-melody · 2 years ago

Text

Thoughts on AI

Opening Remarks

I am by no means the first to share my thoughts on AI, nor will I be the last, I am sure. Yet as I’ve watched this discussion grow, I’ve been trying to pin down my own thoughts and feelings on the matter.

Because they aren’t universally positive, but neither are they universally negative. Rather, I am stuck in this dissociative limbo between wonder, anger, and anxiety. How beautiful and terrible, how marvelous and dreadful this synthetic, eldritch mind we’ve birthed into the world! I have struggled in articulating these feelings both to my (mostly non-artist) friends who are very excited about the possibilities of AI art, and to my (mostly artist) friends who feel threatened, disrespected, and undermined by the way AIs were trained and what they are designed to do.

So I hope to put into words both my thoughts and my observations about AI in this post.

(General disclaimer: I am an artist, writer, and composer, but not someone of any notoriety. I do not make a living off of my creations. I have one self-published book, which I wrote and illustrated, and a bandcamp where I finally started sharing my music earlier this year. Everything surrounding AI hits a little differently for someone like me who is just now trying to break into the art economy and feels like the rug’s been pulled out from under them before even getting their foot in the door.)

AI and Ethics

On the one hand, I am awestruck by the possibility of this technology. How strange and wonderful that we can tell a machine what we want to see, and it has the capacity to create it? Or that we can ask for music in a particular mood or style, and it can synthesize the sound in real time? These machines are astounding, and I don’t want to diminish that fact. To get where we are today required decades of work and effort by engineers, coders, and scientists. That effort is not lost on me.

However, AI is fraught with ethical and humanist concerns, many of which I don’t think were taken into account during its inception. Much of AI is trained from datasets made up from privately owned, stored, or copyrighted data, like medical records (1) and watermarked artwork (2). Some AI companies are explicitly marketing their products as a replacement for the people who used to create those things (3, 4, 5, 6). And while an AI music company like Harmonai kept copyrighted music out of their training datasets (7) — a common quote referenced from this article mentions how “diffusion models are prone to memorization and overfitting” — the same cannot be said of most image-based AIs that trawl the internet for data, or music AIs that explicitly generate audio in the styles of known musicians (8, 9). The latter applies to deepfakes of people’s voices, as well.

Existing online is not an invitation for exploitation. Posting an image, sharing a video or song, or publishing your writing should not equal implicit consent for an AI to leverage your creative work for profit.

We live in a world now where AI is capable of synthesizing images, music, video, and writing — creative pursuits that were formerly the sole domain of human capability. I think it is important to ask, for what reason did we create AIs that are capable of taking our place in creative professions? Why turn to AI to generate an image or a song instead of turning to a human artist, or developing the skill yourself?

If we approach AI from the position of creating the best possible world for all people, a world in which human beings can flourish, I do not believe that AI, as it currently stands, brings us closer to that ideal. So long as AI is exploitative, it necessarily worsens the lives of those whom it exploits. Existing online is not an invitation for exploitation. Posting an image, sharing a video or song, or publishing your writing should not equal implicit consent for an AI to leverage your creative work for profit. And disregarding the legitimate concerns artists have about their livelihoods, all for the sake of progress, will only serve to harm us, not help us, as collective humanity.

Common Arguments and Questions

There are certain questions and arguments I’ve seen surface with some regularity surrounding AI. There is an excellent video by Steven Zapata which covers a lot of these same arguments, I recommend giving it a watch (10).

How is an AI learning and synthesizing ideas from what it sees any different from a human doing the same? How is the influence of an artist on an AI any different than that same influence on a human?

The reason behind this common misconception is that the data used to train the AI is viewed as a purely visual influence, much in the same way that humans are influenced by the art they consume. But this neglects two factors:

Humans and AI do not process information the same way. Human brains do not work like machines, and machine learning does not follow the same conventions as human thought.

Humans and AI do not improve skill in the same way. While a human requires practice to grow their understanding of theory, composition, form, etc. with regard to their craft, an AI ‘practices’ by consuming more data points to flesh out specific qualities that it can reference when building an image, such as “roundness” or “apple-ness” or “tree-ness.” It can only copy what is has seen.

When one views an AI’s consumption of data as nothing more than how a human learns from visual references, understanding that the art was stolen becomes harder to accept.

But one must remember, the AI is nothing without the data it was fed (11). Being influenced by an image and building your entire neural network on a foundation of data are entirely different things. The comparison between human and AI is a faulty one, because humans and machines are fundamentally different.

Now everyone can make art, everyone can compose music, everyone can write stories. Why don’t you want that?

As someone who does all three, I would argue back that it was always possible for everyone to make art, compose music, and write stories.

What this statement actually means is that AI levels the playing field when it comes to skill and mastery. Now, everyone can ‘make’ art, music, and stories at a near-professional level. (Well, everyone with access to the internet and a computer-like interface, but that gets into an entirely different issue.)

To create is human. Good or bad, simple or complex, we are all wired to make things — stories, art, music — you name it, we make it. You learn and grow through making things, and the more you create, the greater you develop your aesthetic sense and an understanding of the medium.

Perhaps what bothers me is that AI art ignores the process. The point of art is not only the end result, the ‘product’ that you end up with after you’ve finished. The process of generating the art, of discovering it, of honing your skill, this is all just as precious as the art itself. It is not to be tossed away, disregarded, considered passé.

There is so much more to art than what you ‘get’ at the end.

AI artists are real artists because you need an aesthetic sense to know which images are good and which ones are bad.

I do not disagree that aesthetic sense is incredibly useful for curating the images that the AI generates, but I do disagree that aesthetic sense alone makes an artist. Nor do I believe that the skills required to generate images from an algorithm are comparable to the skills of an artist.

...we must inevitably come to the question of whether we place AI-based communication in the same skill category as producing a work of art with your own hands from scratch.

Merriam Webster defines an artist as “a person who creates art (such as painting, sculpture, music, or writing) using conscious skill and creative imagination” (12).

The point of contention I have here is over what constitutes “conscious skill” and “creative imagination.”

If we take conscious to mean “done or acting with critical awareness” (13) and skill to mean “a learned power of doing something competently: a developed aptitude or ability” (14), then we must inevitably come to the question of whether we place AI-based communication in the same skill category as producing a work of art with your own hands from scratch.

If we take creative to mean “marked by the ability or power to create” (15) and imagination to mean “the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the senses or never before wholly perceived in reality” (16), then we must ask if there is the capacity for imagination beyond the prompt itself in the AI image generating process. To call the AI capable of imagination makes the same mistake as in the first argument — an AI is not human. And likewise, the AI cannot generate anything it has not already seen in its training dataset.

To use an AI robs the user of the chance to imagine for themselves how they might represent, say, a cityscape at night, or a chicken wedding. While it is fun to see what the AI generates based on the data it can reference, I believe it is a misstep to then label the user an artist for telling the AI to produce those images.

I am much more comfortable with the term “AI collaborator” than “AI artist,” because, in truth, that more accurately describes what is being done when a user inputs a prompt into an AI and then attempts to guide the AI based on their personal aesthetic sense. This separation of terminology also helps to clarify when an image required years of study and days of work to create vs. when an image required a few words and some careful curation.

As an added note, I think that images generated this way could be useful for artists who want help with ideation. But it is an important step — in my mind at least — for the artist to take what the AI created as inspiration, not as the final product.

AIs aren’t going to replace real artists. It’s just a fun tool that people are using to make silly memes.

AI is already poised to replace artists in many fields, or will likely do so in the near future (17, 18).

...for many artists, it’s the mundane work that pays the bills.

There are AI composers trained on vast libraries of audio that can generate film, video game, or commercial soundtracks (19, 20). There are AI writers that can produce drafts of “SEO-friendly” articles for the web based on article titles (21). There are AI storytellers that are only serviceable as writing assistants at this stage, but at the rate that natural language processing is developing, it isn’t hard to see them creating stories all on their own in the near future (22). The Atlantic has already used Midjourney to provide the illustration for one of their newsletters (23) and an AI art piece has already won first place at an art competition (24).

Now anyone can make music equivalent to that of a professional composer with the click of a button (25). Why pay for the libraries of human-composed soundtracks, or commission a musician to score your indie video game, when an AI could just do it for you for free, and instantaneously (26)?

Now anyone can generate art with a few select key words entered into an image generator (27, 28, 29). You don’t need to pay an artist you like, you can just tell the AI to mimic their work. You don’t even need to ask a more affordable artist to copy their style because the AI can do it for free, and the result is immediate.

When natural language processing catches up with humans, AI will be able to create novels without a human writer, though I don’t see editors ever going away. Publishing houses can keep on their editors, but you don’t need a writer in that equation anymore.

The most optimistic view says that AI will free up artists to do the more fulfilling types of art and avoid the more mundane forms of it. The commercial jingles, the company logos, the ghostwriting for convenience store fiction—those can be done by AI, leaving the art galleries and bestseller lists and symphonies to the human artists. This view neglects that, for many artists, it’s the mundane work that pays the bills. Not every artist can attain an elite position, and the prevalence of AI taking up lower level work makes it even harder to rise to the top for those who do have the requisite skill. (This also neglects that many artists do enjoy that kind of utilitarian work, but that is another issue entirely.)

AI art is the next evolution in art. This is no different than how photography replaced landscape painting, or digital art replaced traditional art, or 3D animation replaced 2D animation, etc.

While this is true to a degree, in that each advancement in technology has shifted the artistic landscape, often relegating old forms of art to a smaller subsection of the art world, I do not think the comparison holds up under scrutiny.

In each of the above instances, the creative force was still with the artist, not with the tool. With AI, you can tell the AI what you want to see, but ultimately you have very little control over what image is produced.

Photographers can stage their shots, alter the lighting, introduce set pieces or props, and so on. They can choose the locations where they shoot, and make use of several different tools both during and after the shoot to alter the images.

3D animators build the models they use and often paint over the digital landscape they’ve built. Lighting, color, sound design, object interaction physics, and so on, all influence the final product. You are still building the images, frame by frame, and you have much more control of the final product.

I think there is an argument to be made for using image manipulation with AI-generated images. Transformative works are an important part of the art ecosystem. But, in the same way that a photograph of a painting is not considered a replacement or an evolution of the art form, I do not believe that an AI-generated image built on the works of un-credited, unpaid artists can be called an evolution of art. It is a tool, not an art form unto itself.

Blue Sky Thinking

I am hopeful that there can be a place for AI in the art world. Not as a replacement for the artists (30), but as a tool which enables people to expand their imaginations and develop their skill.

However, I do not think there is any way forward without first making sure that:

Artists have the power to choose whether an AI gets trained on their images.

Those who do choose to include their art in the dataset are fairly compensated for their contributions.

We have legislation in place which protects artists from frauds who would pass off AI forgeries as belonging to those artists.

Companies must use a specific ratio of human-made art to AI art, one which favors the human artists, to protect the livelihoods of those artists and keeps open the paths to career advancement.

The above list is likely not exhaustive, and I imagine even more needs will arise the longer that AIs exist.

But there are many applications of AI that I could imagine benefiting artists. In this section, I am imagining how a fully developed AI that is not plagued by the problems of its infancy could be used.

Imagine using AI to determine where the anatomy is off on your figure drawing. An AI that has been trained exclusively on how multiple types of bodies look in 3D space could potentially compare your drawing against thousands of examples and highlight where the elbow might be in the wrong position, or the foreshortening on the foot isn’t quite right. The AI could help train the artist’s eye to better see where they need to grow.

Or in an animation studio, where uniformity of style is important for a consistent-looking film or series, an AI that has been trained on character models and short animation reels, along with all previous episodes of the show, could help identify where artists are running into specific problems with replicating the characters. This could help animators grow in their understanding of how to identify where they tend to go off-model.

Or for an illustrator stuck in a rut on how to design a character. Putting in a few descriptors from the book they are illustrating could help with the ideation process before they set down the final character designs. Many illustrators already use reference material to help spark their imaginations. With an AI, finding the examples you need becomes that much quicker.

For a digital artist who is very prolific and in high demand, having an AI collaborator that helps them with the more tedious parts of the drawing, parts which require very little skill, such as laying down flat colors or copying a repeating pattern across a canvas, could be done by the AI to speed up their production time.

For a video game designer, having an AI that can turn hand-drawn assets into usable objects for a game could be very useful. Imagine an AI that can bridge the gap between human-made images and the integrated video game world, knowing already how to apply real-world physics to the objects because it understands “bowl-ness” and “weight.”

And for hobbyists who just like to play around with an AI image generator, it could be another source of income for artists who choose to design art for those image generators. Just like artists build the character options for a character building engine in a video game. AI image generators as they function now, I think, are best if considered as video games.

And if I think about music, it does seem as though AI models for music may already be trending in a hopeful direction. Imagine using AI to generate sound samples for electronic or experimental music. Or letting AI help you come up with that missing lyric that you just can’t think of. Maybe you want to create a your own set of unique midi instruments. You could use an AI to create the sound you’re looking for and then turn it into an instrument by adjusting the tone. You could use this new instrument in your DAW, or integrate it with notation software. Maybe even turn that sound into a synth that you can pull up on a keyboard and play at a concert.

There are many possibilities, and not all roads lead to exploitation.

Closing Remarks

I want to believe that this technology does not mean that work which would otherwise have been given to writers, musicians, and artists will instead be given to AI. I want to believe that rather, this technology will enable people who otherwise would never have been able to afford writers, artists, and musicians to have access to good writing, beautiful music, and astounding art. I want to believe that when those people come to a place where they can afford to hire creative people, they would choose that over AI. That AI would be a stepping stone. Much like with composers using virtual instruments for their music, or novelists using royalty-free images for their self-published novels, the specificity of human performance and creation is preferred, but out of reach.

Ultimately, I think the feeling I have is one of futility rather than hope. What was it all for? Why spend years of my life honing my skills as a pianist, a composer, an illustrator, and a writer? What was the point of sinking thousands of dollars into a degree in music composition? Or the years of lessons on music theory? The hours spent researching storytelling models? The closet full of sketchbooks and classes in figure drawing, painting, art history, and design? What purpose does all that training serve now?

But then, who am I to complain? I can’t afford to hire musicians to play my music, so I use virtual instruments instead or record in my bedroom on the few instruments I know how to play. I can’t afford to hire cover artists for my albums, so I do my best to design them myself. Is it not the same for any small content creator? How is leveraging the royalty free stock images available online any different from clicking a button to generate an image from an AI?

I don’t know the answers to these questions, and I think it will take time for us all to work them out, together.

AI has potential for good, but it also has a lot of potential for harm. And I don’t see us avoiding the harm (to not even speak of the harm that has already been done) without serious intervention. The future is up to us.

I am still learning about this topic, and will probably continue to learn as the situation changes. I’ve linked throughout this post the resources that I referenced during my research. I hope that this post will also help others process their thoughts and feelings on AI, and maybe even find some of the resources useful, too.

Sources:

1 https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2022/09/artist-finds-private-medical-record-photos-in-popular-ai-training-data-set/

2 https://kotaku.com/ai-art-dall-e-midjourney-stable-diffusion-copyright-1849388060

3 https://stability.ai/blog/stable-diffusion-announcement

4 https://soundraw.io/

5 https://boomy.com/

6 https://www.ampermusic.com/

7 https://wandb.ai/wandb_gen/audio/reports/Harmonai-s-Dance-Diffusion-Open-Source-AI-Audio-Generation-Tool-For-Music-Producers--VmlldzoyNjkwOTM1

8 https://sensoriumxr.com/articles/what-is-ai-music

9 https://www.inverse.com/input/tech/open-ais-jukebox-generates-music-that-sounds-like-dead-artists

10 https://youtu.be/tjSxFAGP9Ss

11 https://www.aimeecozza.com/ai-art-what-is-it/

12 https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/artist?src=search-dict-box

13 https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conscious

14 https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/skill

15 https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/creative

16 https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/imagination

17 https://www.cartoonbrew.com/comics/dall-e-midjourney-ai-illustrated-comics-220166.html

18 https://www.dacs.org.uk/latest-news/dacs-warns-that-new-text-and-data-mining-exception?category=For+Artists&title=N

19 https://www.unite.ai/best-ai-music-generators/

20 https://filmora.wondershare.com/audio-editing/best-ai-music-composer.html

21 https://ai-writer.com/

22 https://www.codingem.com/best-ai-story-generators/

23 https://newsletters.theatlantic.com/galaxy-brain/62f28a6bbcbd490021af2db4/where-does-alex-jones-go-from-here/

24 https://www.vice.com/en/article/bvmvqm/an-ai-generated-artwork-won-first-place-at-a-state-fair-fine-arts-competition-and-artists-are-pissed

25 https://builtin.com/artificial-intelligence/ai-music-examples

26 https://medium.com/@1jonathankao/how-anyone-can-create-music-with-ai-725821f2f25c

27 https://creator.nightcafe.studio/

28 https://www.makeuseof.com/how-to-use-midjourney-create-ai-art/

29 https://openai.com/dall-e-2/

30 https://ebenschumacherart.com/will-ai-replace-artists/

Other Resources:

Society of Illustrators: https://societyillustrators.org/

Concept Art Association: https://www.conceptartassociation.com/

Equity (UK-based Creative Union): https://www.equity.org.uk/

Proko on AI Ethics, Artists, and What You Can Do About It: https://youtu.be/Nn_w3MnCyDY

The Met on AI Art: https://mymodernmet.com/ai-art-2022/

CNN on AI Art: https://www.cnn.com/2022/10/21/tech/artists-ai-images/index.html

ArtStation Protest:

1 https://kotaku.com/artstation-ai-art-generated-images-epic-games-protest-1849891085

2 https://www.vice.com/en/article/ake9me/artists-are-revolt-against-ai-art-on-artstation

Check for your art in databases used to train AI: https://haveibeentrained.com/

#art #ai artwork #artificial intelligence #ai music #ai writer #mae muses #ai #ai compositions #ai novels #ai ethics #longform essay #I never do these #so I apologize if it isn't very good #I hope my research is sound #I could keep editing this forever but I think it's about time I posted it already

16 notes · View notes

hyliagirl42 · 2 months ago

Text

Okay look i know that in some cases, things that apply to writing dont always apply to art and vice versa, but i think this is one of the instances where the advice works for both.

My art professors in college drilled into me that if i want to sell my art to people, i CANNOT point out its flaws, no matter how glaringly obvious to me. I need to present my art as if it is a flawless masterpiece, a work of genius, something that my buyer physically cannot live without. Even if i have to exaggerate its magnificence to a ridiculous degree.

Because lets be real, if someone tells you "hey, this book is literally the best book i have ever read in my life!" And gushes about how amazing it is, chances are, youre gonna wanna read it to and see for yourself. But if someone is like "this book was okay, the characterization was a bit off in places and some parts of the plot seemed unrealistic" and rambles on about its little flaws, even if they say overall it was a good book, you wouldnt be excited to invest the time or money to read it, right? Thats how it is with selling my art, too.

When promoting your own creative works, DONT POINT OUT THE ERRORS, OR THAT IS ALL THE VIEWER WILL SEE. You need to hype it up! Even if you start to feel self concious about seeming narcissistic! Being a downer on yourself or your work does not give you a good image!! So dont rate your own book with only 4 stars. Shamelessly give yourself a 5 star rating! Maybe comment pn the parts that youre proud of! The parts you want people to look forward to!

In a world thats oversaturated with such a large variety of art and writing, how are you supposed to make yourself stand out if you only show yourself as average, run-of-the-mill, or ordinary? How are you going to make people excited about your work when you cant even act excited about it yourself?

HYPE UP YOUR OWN WORK!!

@drchucktingle

1K notes · View notes

formyzoe · 2 years ago

Text

to my soulmate ღ,

i never thought i would be so lucky to have someone like you as my best friend. someone who's patient, understanding, who never judges me, who understands me. i can't stress enough how much of an incredible friend you are to me, and i'll never stop telling you it. there is nobody else in this world who i'd make love letters for, who i'd tell all of my secrets to, who i could go to with anything and know i'd never be judged.

i know in the past people have told you bad (and wrong) things about the type of friend you are, and i can only tell you how wrong they are. you are not judgemental, you're protective. and i absolutely adore it. it makes me feel safe knowing i have someone who will protect me from anything, stand up for me when nobody else will, and tell me when somebody is doing me wrongly and help me realise it.

and i hate myself everyday for the fact that i didn't realise it sooner. something i regret everyday is the fall out we had, but i do think it's made us stronger today. to know now we won't let something stupid separate us, we will only support each other no matter what. i will always regret the things i have said to you in the past, and unfortunately i can't take those back but i hope you know today that i never meant any of them. i'll never ever ever take this friendship for granted, and i will never lose you again. i genuinely cannot imagine my life without you, if we hadn't sorted things between us i doubt i'd be here today. you are the one thing that keeps me going and gets me through the days.

it makes me angry that there are people in the past, and present, who don't or haven't appreciated you. those cunts never deserved you, and if i ever see any of them whilst i'm up i hope you know it's on sight. *fists*. i hate them all so much with so much passion, they never deserved to even have you around them.

i'd like to also just say that you are so sexy it's unreal. you are absolutely beautiful, and i can't deal with the fact that you don't always see it. if you could see the way i look at you, it's how jimin looks at jungkook. it's not only your looks, though. your personality tops it all. your quick wit, your sarcasm and sense of humour i adore. how passionate you are about things you love, how creative you are, the way you listen to music all of the time. i love the little things like your handwriting, how you are with your pets, how you are with piper etc. (damn i really sound like i'm in love with you, well its true i am).

i believe more than anything you are my soulmate. my literal other half. because i have never loved a person the way i love you it's just different. i could talk about it for hours. kinda spooky i'm writing this three days before you're here but right now you're reading this beside me eek. but anyway.

i wish i could be rich and buy you everything you ever wanted and live forever with you in a big mansion. like all the most expensive bracelets and necklaces and heels and rings and dresses and cars and just get married and live together happily. that's the dream, and i hope in the next couple of years we can live together, too. i know we will.

i can't express how excited i am that you're going to be here, and for longer too! and then also us getting the train back up, then the bus to your house again. i can't. i'm so excited. i wish i didn't have work but at least when it gets stressful i can just think that you'll be here soon and then i'll be fine.

if you'd have told me a couple years ago we'd be seeing each other every month from now on i would have said you were crazy. the future looks bright because i picture it with you. living together, going for breakfast and you being there when we both get home from work. i like to think of it happening here, but it's all down to whether you'd be willing to move this far. we can visit your family often and stay there when we have breaks from work. ordering in food and having movie nights in our living room, or if we have a cute garden in the summer we can go out there and have picnics.

normally i hate summer, but now i can't wait knowing i'll be with you a lot. reading on the grass whilst sunbathing, picnics and days at the beach. normally, when i was close with daisy i'd avoid doing all these things or even going out in summer because i'm seriously insecure in summer clothes. but i can see myself being so comfortable in cute summer dresses i have always wanted to wear. and swimming in the sea!! i love the sea, i wish i lived closer to the beach because i love it so much, and i just can't wait to spend summer with you.

okay now i need to talk about your wedding day. i swear i will do my best to make it your dream day and make it perfect. i will (try) to remain calm, but i'm not making any promises. i may freak out but i swear i will do my best. and to your future husband, you can show him this for who ever he may be in the future, that if he doesn't cry when you walk down the isle i will personally have such a bone to pick with him and as maid of honour i will not hesitate to restart the day so he can try again. if it's jungkook i doubt he'll have any problem crying because i can see that man being a mess. if it's joshua, i'm going to show you a specific photo that you need to recreate in order for me to be happy. and they also need to know i'm not happy about this and i wish it was me marrying you but i think i'll get over it. as long as i have jimin i'll be able to overcome the sadness, anyone else i can't see it happening so.

i'd also like to say that i am so fucking proud of you. i have seen you grow from a girl with no self confidence and constantly thinking and talking badly about herself, not seeing her own beauty, into a confident, strong woman with confidence and sexiness and i just love that. it makes me so happy to see how much you've grown and i am just so proud of you.

i'm proud of you for sticking through college for as long as you did, staying in a place you weren't happy. i'm proud of you for cutting off that group of friends that were awful to you. i'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself. i'm proud of you for making it through each day. i'm proud of you for speaking up when you disagree with something. i am just so so so so proud of you.

(writing this on the train home) i miss you already it's ridiculous, which is how i know that we are soulmates because if we weren't, we wouldn't feel like this after ten literal minutes. you are my other half, it's like i don't feel like myself anymore when you aren't here, and even though it feels shitty now, it is amazing because in a couple weeks you'll be back. we can get all dressed up and go for a nice meal and the cinema for v day. then doing our hair too! so so excited, i cannot wait.

i'm literally so in love with you and our friendship. i could go on about it for hours. i cherish you and us so much, i genuinely will do everything in my power over the years to make sure it will always stay this way. i will never EVER let anyone, or anything come in between our friendship. i don't care who it is, i will not allow it to happen.

i love you, so fucking much, and thank you for being my best friend,

from jodi (your wife) ღ

0 notes

fromasgardandback · 2 years ago

Text

Band’s First Album

Eddie Munson x Reader

masterlist | oneshots

The guys shifted anxiously from sitting to standing then back to sitting waiting to be seen by some top executives at a record label firm. They were playing at a local college bar when someone anonymously suggested them to a record label. But just their luck, that deal fell through. However, one of the assistants that worked at the previous record label transferred to the record label Corroded Coffin is signing with right now. They played for them and it was an instant connection. Every single last one of them knew that our little babies were going to make it huge. They had a lot of what metal was in the mid-1980s. It was a perfect fit for everyone.

Now, Corroded Coffin was back in Indianapolis, Indiana for the day to record their first album. None of them knew what to expect, so naturally, I packed them all goodie bags for when it gets overwhelming they have some home comfort. It took them roughly three months to create the album and another month to record it. Then they had to choose the design and how it wanted to look and the creativity part of it as well. All in all, it took six months to finalize their first album together. While they were doing that, I was working and unpacking the new home we were all living in. Sure, it wasn’t the best, but it was good for right now.

“Babe! We’re home!” Eddie said coming through the front door. I emerged out of the kitchen ecstatic to see my boys.

“How’d it go? Let me see.” I held their first printed album in my hands. “This is amazing. I cannot express how proud I am of you guys.” I hugged each of them, saving Eddie for last. The guys groaned when we kissed, but only made us hold onto each other more.

Another two weeks passed and even though it was not needed for the rest of their albums, the first album had a launch party. Followed by more press and a slew of fans, their music rose to the charts very quickly. Three months later they were number seven in the top ten in America. It was insane to think that they were traveling around the United States, then going globally to perform. All in a few years' time their wildest dreams come to fruition.

One of the best experiences was that the guys got to meet their idol musicians at an award show. Not just any award show they were invited to; no, it was the first award show they were nominated for. Metallica, Van Halen, and Dio were there. It was a dream come true, especially for Eddie. They could not contain their excitement. I mean Jeff looked like he was going to pass out just from seeing them twenty feet away. Then Gareth actually started swaying as if he wanted to faint. It was kind of funny to see a muscular metal bad fangirling over their favorite bands that made them who they are. They all introduced themselves and talked for a while. It was heartwarming to know that through all the excitement, Eddie never let me leave his side. His hand either held mine, or his arm was around my waist or shoulder. Occasionally I kissed his cheek to allow his nerves to balance back out.

“Baby, I cannot believe we just met our idols. I mean this is the coolest thing in the world. Am I shaking? I feel like I’m shaking. Shit, please tell me I wasn’t stupid, not that it matters, but yeah it kinda does.” Eddie kept going on. I chuckled at his nervous excited state.

“Yes my love, you were acting like an idiot, but a goofy and loveable one. They loved you guys and it’s nice to see that their job and meaning in life is touching young kids’ hearts.” I said kissing his cheek.

Later that evening at the award show, Corroded Coffin won Best New Artist. As much as this was a dream come true for them, it was a dream come true for me to see the love of my life and some of my best friends their happiest. They worked so hard to be here and it all paid off.

“I love you so much. I don’t know where I’d be without you.” Eddie said holding my face.

“You’d still be here. Sad and alone, but you’d still be here.” I giggled looking up at him.

“No, I could not have been here without you. I mean it. You’re my whole world.” He closed the gap between our lips, pressing a chaste kiss to mine. The world stopped for a moment as we engulfed ourselves in love.

87 notes · View notes

magicsunwheel · 3 years ago

Text

Why You're F#cking Amazing

Pick-a-Card

How to play: pick one of the photos below using your intuition. You can close your eyes and meditate for a bit or just take a few grounding breaths while thinking of the topic. Feeling drawn to more than one is fine! You might have messages in more than one pile

Pile 1 (x) Pile 2 (x) Pile 3 (x)

My pile numbers always go from left to right, then down to the text row (if applicable)

Pile 1

Cards: The High Priestess, Five of Swords, Seven of Pentacles, The Moon Rx, Five of Rods, Ace of Pentacles

You are so intuitive! You're either very in touch with your divine feminine or are working your way there right now. Something about you is severe in the most beautiful way. You can take things seriously when they need to and the way you command a room with just your presence is unmatched. Maybe you're also a tarot reader or involved in spirituality/divination in some way. Maybe you really like Pick-a-Cards.

Something beautiful about you is that you never give up on a fight, especially when you know the end is worth it. Your ambition is strong and you will fight for what you love and what you want. You are not weak-willed by any means.

This also makes you so unique! You work so hard and put so much labor into your love even if you know it will take a long time to come to fruition. The times that you feel discouraged by a lack of results are few and far between. If for some reason you do find yourself wistfully hoping for faster results or an easier path, you can easily remind yourself of why you started in the first place.

You might have moments where you think of yourself as sneaky or like you're hiding a part of yourself from others, like your true self would be too much for them. I'm here to tell you that your intensity is exactly what make you such a beautiful person! You thrive in competition and in adversity. It gives you a chance to show off your quick thinking and survival skills. Others look at you with envy of how you can make an opportunity out of seemingly nothing!

If you need help improving your self-love, Spirit says to stop comparing yourself to others! You are amazing and beautiful and unique all on your own! Throwing yourself into the fray to compete against others who are nothing like you will only fim your inner shine. And you really do shine! When I asked for a card about why you are beautiful, nearly half the damn deck flew out!

Sprit loves you and I love you so please take care of yourself and keep making those amazing opportunities to improve your physical surroundings. (I feel like you have a very clean room/home)

Pile 2

Cards: Nine of Rods, the World, King of Cups, Three of Rods, Ace of Rods, Two of Cups

Ahh the Loona pile!

Similar to Pile 1, but much more fiery! You are resilient! Taking time to collect yourself before pushing forward with a renewed sense of energy and purpose is such an amazing and useful trait. You maybe aren't as commanding of a presence but you have such an inner strength that no one can deny.

You got the World for the reason why you're beautiful! Maybe it's related to physically being very beautiful and possibly exotic-looking. You might have very specific features associated with a certain area of the world that stand out where you live. You also have such a wonderful understanding of the world and where it's currently at. Things can seem negative or like hope is lost but you still seek out the beauty and share it with others. You see opportunity where others do not and feel a sense of peace and connectedness with all of humanity. Wow!

Your uniqueness shines in your emotionality and compassion. You might be a natural born leader who makes sure to understand all under your rule. You lead with kindness and, most importantly, by example. You don't have any desire to use you position for ill-gotten gains. Power to you does not corrupt, it solely provides a tool for you to do good in the world and really make a difference in the lives of others, whether it's on a large or small scale. You are probably the kind of person who makes sure to give money to those who need it when you pass a begging mother and her children, or buying a homeless man a bottle of water on a hot day.

Your card for why you think you are not perfect actually came out quite positive. Maybe you don't have a very low self esteem, but I can see a few possible scenarios here. You might be constantly planning in your head, waiting and watching for the next move to take but never actually getting to the action part. Maybe you're planning for your future and have so much planned out that you're excited for, but haven't made the practical plans on how to actually get there. This could make you feel bad about yourself especially on days where you're reminded of others moving ahead in their lives while you're still planning. Visualisation is very important in manifesting your desired reality! If you are moving slower than others around you, remember that it is okay to not be where "everyone else" is. Life is not a race or a competition. Taking your time to get to where you need to be when you need to be there reminds me of the story of the tortoise and the hare. Quick does not necessarily mean better.

You can improve your self-love by creating! Using your creativity and passion to make something! Create art, whether it's physical/digital art, music, writing, inventing, anything that uses those creative muscles of yours. It doesn't have to be good! Just creating something will help burn up that excess energy you have that's trying to rush you somewhere. Self-expression this way can be a wonderful hobby even if you don't consider yourself as a creative person.

Your kindness really shines through. You care so deeply about the people around you and your spiritual team cares just as deeply about you. You are loved and watched over and protected by Spirit. Others around you also see your sparkle and appreciate and admire you, even if they don't show it. Know you are beautiful and amazing and bringing a light into this world that needs to be here.

Pile 3

Cards: Six of Rods, the Hierophant, Four of Rods, Six of Cups, Ten of Swords, the Hermit Rx

Damn, who are y'all!? You've got some mighty power and pull in this world. Maybe you're a public figure or have some kind of platform, like a social media with many followers. You could also be well-recognized within your field of study/work. Whoever you are, people see you and look up to you. They celebrate you and how amazing you are! Spirit loves this about you and you really shine in the spotlight. Your achievements deserve all this pomp and celebration!

You are naturally authoritative. People listen when you speak and take your words to heart. You might also be a religious person or someone who enjoys organization and the comfort of hierarchy. People will willingly follow you wherever you lead them because they trust you with all their hearts. "A merciful ruler" (lol) You hold your position with grace and dignity befitting a king or queen.

You are unique in ways the public recognizes, but we knew that already! You might be someone who likes to entertain and you throw the greatest parties and get-togethers. Maybe you've planned a wedding and everyone had such an amazing time! You know how to relax and have fun when the time for celebrating arrives. You can out down your guard and bit and let loose. Not many people with such responsibility can let go of the reigns like that, but you don't seem to hold on to control too tightly.

Your past might be a source of anxiety for you. Maybe you're worried that what you've done when you were younger will catch up to you and ruin what you've got going on now, but it's important to remember that the past is the past. It cannot be undone or wished away. Taking time to accept what happened and recognizing that you've moved on to bigger and better things is important here. Whatever happened, take time to heal your childhood wounds and forgive past actions.

Ending this cycle will bring much more self-love to your life. Old habits and patterns being out to rest is the way forward. It might be a painful ending and something you don't necessarily look forward to, but it is something that needs to happen to clear out old energy and welcome in everything new. You can't expect to move on if you're still repeating old actions or ways of thinking. It's time to set these things to rest and evolve. Leave behind what no longer serves you.

Your understanding of yourself knows no bounds. You've taken the time to inquisit yourself and learn all of the shadows that lie there. Self-reflection might be a favored pastime for you. Through this knowledge of yourself you are able to see truths that many struggle to see all their lives. Your light can cut through the fog if bullshit and see the true source of something. Use this knowledge of yourself to become the best version of yourself that you can be! I know you're already on your way there and it's amazing to see! Spirit is so proud of you and loves you so much!

557 notes · View notes

yuzukahibiscus · 1 year ago

Text

Special Blu-ray Coverage on TCA Press (September)

The Special Blu-ray BOX series delves into the many angles of the Top Star’s charms and character. The long-awaited “Yuzuka Rei” version will be sold on September 22.

【Disc1】includes the recording of the music video (MV) and the making, as well as the memorable stage series. The MV is a cover of the popular rock band L'arc~en~Ciel's song “READY STEADY GO”. Combined with its fast-paced sound, Yuzuka chose [this song] because she wants to sing the lyrics conveying what she wants to say, and allow its impact to reverberate in [the audience’s] hearts. In the chic bar and the dim limelight, Yuzuka wears an orange velvet suit, singing and dancing powerfully. “I've run through quickly with singular determination ~ There's no time to be standing around” The energy that exudes from the song cannot be stopped by anyone. As if wanting to spark the audience’s enthusiasm, Yuzuka smiles to the camera.

The MAKING includes the recording of the song and the phototaking of the still pictures. On stage, you can see the beautiful Yuzuka wear the military uniform, this time you could see her holding flowers and smiling meekly; wearing a sharp green top with amazing accessories to show a funky side. Her slothful nature, her sense of desperation, her outsider appearance...she shows various expressions [in the phototaking]. She even wore a black casual suit, and took the remote to her own hands and challenged awesome poses.

The stage series includes a trendy video compilation, including renowned works such as “Haikara-san ga Tooru”, “DANCE OLYMPIA”, “Mayerling”. The new compilation also includes her dance series, which is a must-see.

【Disc2】includes recordings of live audio from songs that she chose in this CD, such as the nostalgic Bow Hall performance “Nocturne~ Memories of a Faraway Summer Day”, the TBS Akasaka Theatre Performance “Boys Over Flowers”, the theme songs from the national tour and the Flower Troupe 100th Anniversary Revue.

When approaching new places and encountering new faces, Yuzuka says that she likes to “let nature take its course”. As the recording and photoshoot are going successfully, when meeting the music producer, choreographer, photographer and the like professionals for the first time, she is not swayed by prejudice and always naturally responds to their requests. She is inspired by their creative inputs and always tries to shape the best form of herself, which is what makes her stand out even more, showcasing how much dominant of a star she is. As someone multifaceted in many genres, you could truly feel how she enjoys the thrill of this process to create this work. The tight schedule does not matter, as Yuzuka says that “it was fun”, and when thinking of the completion [of this Blu-ray], she exhales and speaks, “I can’t stop feeling excited”. You could feel plentiful of Yuzuka’s charms in this Blu-ray. Everyone, please look forward.

Special Blu-ray BOX REI YUZUKA

The Special Blu-ray BOX series delves into the many angles of the Top Star’s charms and character. A special A4 package with 1 Blu-ray disc, 1 CD and 10 photo cards in this deluxe version!

Quatre Reves Online Renewal 1st Anniversary Campaign“Yuzuka Rei Mini Standee” Collection!

For people who pre-order a "Special Blu-ray BOX REI YUZUKA” on Quatre Reves Online, they will be get a Quatre Reves Limited Novelty “Yuzuka Rei Mini Standee”. So please take the opportunity to use Quatre Reves Online. "Campaign period: July 14 2023 - September 21, 23:59PM JST For Quatre Reves stores, we will present the novelty depending on the first-come-first-serve basis. We do not accept pre-ordrers. The campaign will end after the novelty are all distributed.

DISC1 — Blu-ray Original Recorded Video and Selected Stage Digests

Special MV A cover of “♪READY STEADY GO”, the song released in 2004 by L’arc~en~Ciel, the popular band running at the top of the Japanese rock scene. Please look forward to this “new Yuzuka Rei” that will sing this accelerating rock tune.

Kawamoto Alexander / Choreographer As a backstage dancer for many famous artists such as Momoiro Clover Z, Watanabe Naomi, Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, and Fujii Kaze, he has performed live, on TV, and in music videos. He is expanding his activities as a choreographer in the Fujii Kaze "Matsuri" MV. Appeared as Mr. Pinky in the 2022 musical "Hairspray". Also active as a model and talent.

Yamanaka Yuki/MV Director Affiliated to amana inc. in 2015 and has been involved in the production of numerous commercials as a production manager. Started working as a director in 2018, producing videos in a wide range of genres, mainly commercials and music videos. Mainly specializes in creating stylish images of dance and fashion. Affiliated to isai inc. in 2022.

Making video The making video documents closely on the [song] recording, still photoshoot and the MV recording. It will be full of Yuzuka Rei’s OFF-side charms in her natural state.

Stage history digest A stylish depiction of Yuzuka’s stage scenes. Don't miss the dance scene collection of the new edited version selected by herself! Video digests of “Boys Over Flowers”, "Haikara-san ga Tooru", "DANCE OLYMPIA", "Cool Beast!!", “MAYERLING”, “A Battlefield for the Two of Us” and others.

DISC2 CD Music Selection —— A special CD with 20 live songs in past performances

2014 Flower Troupe Bow Hall Performance “Nocturne – Memories of a Faraway Summer Day” – Memories of Summer

2018 Flower Troupe National Tour Performance “Melancolique Gigolo –A Dangerous Successor–“ – Daniel’s theme

2018 Flower Troupe National Tour Performance “Exciter!!2018” – Exciter (rep.)

2019 Flower Troupe Akasaka ACT Theatre Performance “Boys Over Flowers” – theme song

2020 Flower Troupe Tokyo International Forum Performance “DANCE OLYMPIA" –Welcome to 2020–“ – DANCE DANCE DANCE

2020 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “Haikara-san ga Tooru” – Taisho Romance Song

2020 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “Haikara-san ga Tooru” – My Haikara-san

2021 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “Augustus – The Illustrious One–" Prayer ‒ O gods of the seven hills"

2021 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “Augustus – The Illustrious One–" The Courage You Gave Me

2021 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “Cool Beast!!” – Cool Beast theme song

2021 Flower Troupe National Tour Performance “Sorrowful Cordoba” – “Sorrowful Cordoba”

2021 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “Genroku Baroque Rock” – Flowers of Edo

2021 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “Genroku Baroque Rock” – Fireworks are glittering, glittering

2021 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “The Fascination –Flower Troupe 100th Anniversary and to the Future Beyond–“ – The Fascination theme song

2022 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “Years of Pilgrimage ~ The Wandering Soul of Franz Liszt” – Franz Liszt Idol

2022 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “Years of Pilgrimage ~ The Wandering Soul of Franz Liszt” Days of Pilgrimage (Dreams of Love)

2022 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “Fashionable Empire” – Welcome to Fashionable Empire

2022 Flower Troupe National Tour Performance “Love Burns in Firenze” – Elegy of Love

2023 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “MAYERLING” – Ephemeral Love

2023 Flower Troupe Grand Theatre Performance “ENCHANTEMENT – A Luxurious Perfume” – Enchantement theme song

Special Bonus —— With 10 A4-size Original Photo Cards!

Genki Ito / Photocard Photographer Graduated from Nihon University College of Art in 2008. After working at a studio, he became an independent cameraman in 2014. Joined symphonic in 2016. Active in a wide range of fields, including advertising, fashion, and music. In music, he has taken many jacket photos for LiSA, Masaki Suda, Hinatazaka46, and others.

#yuzuka rei #takarazuka #takarazuka revue #flower troupe #hanagumi

47 notes · View notes

findingmyselfatm · 4 years ago

Text

Venus-uranus because I love this generational planet

Venus-uranus combines the themes of venus: love, beauty, affection, romance and self-esteem with Uranus': rebellion, break of routine, innovation, genius and uniqueness. Venus-uranus are unconventional people in their relationships, and definitely interesting individuals.

Anything Uranus touches becomes a place of novelty, a place where you are unique and don't confirm.

So with venus-uranus, love, affection and self-esteem are tied to the new and unconventional.

The people with these aspects have a strong relationship with excitement in their social lives. They're also unique themselves in partnerships.

Their type may be uranus-like. Intelligent, innovative and someone who doesn't let standards stop them from being themselves.

I noticed that people with venus-uranus also might express their affection in strange ways, not the typical bringing you flowers. Their love language varies, but I think it definitely centers around exchange of ideas, since these people need mental stimulation in their relationships.

I sense that venus-uranus could show affection through memes? I have multiple friends with such placements that do this.

Their self-esteem is tied to how "unique" they are, but not in a "not like other girls" way. They value what makes them stand out, what is special about them, what core traits define their identity and if those traits align with what they want inside (I have uranus in the 1st, so couldn't relate more)

Since Uranus is a generarional planet, I think venus-uranus people are somewhat humanitarian.

These people are definitely magnetic too.

I've seen these aspects interpreted as flighty and non-committal. I think this is mostly true for undeveloped venus-uranus, but non-committal applies to some extent for all of them, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Since venus-uranus is focused on the excitement and novelty in their relationships, they could drop the ones that feel boring and stale (depending on other aspects of course).

Venus-uranus can also have some problems adapting to social norms (I will get to this to the individual descriptions for each aspect).

There is big possibility they're extroverts, or at least introverts that go wild when they feel comfortable. F.e: scorpio venus sextile capricorm uranus. Alone, these placements are introverted, but after you get to know them (and they like you-), they become more open, and scorpio's dark veil drops down.

They may be good at giving random gifts?

These people could have unusual interests as well! A unique music or art taste, maybe food too. I sense they might be drawn to science, astrology, tarot and divination. Very creative.

ALSO, venus-uranus might not like the idea of traditional marriage. They may not marry at all (this doesn't mean the lack of relationships).

Venus conjunct uranus merges the two planets together. This brings novelty to their social lives, it can create a constant feeling of freshness (if not, these people can become rather bored-). They are dynamic and open-minded in their relationships, but also inflexible when it comes to their moral/innercode. Inclined to experiment romantically and or sexually, venus conjunct uranus could indicate towards being queer (just an observation, don't take this literally lmao).

Venus trine uranus is an easy aspect and things go smoothly. These people are open-minded just like venus conjunct uranus, social and have a creativity off the charts. They can also have a community attitude, a little less so than venus conjunct uranus. The danger here is taking advantage of the trines's talents. Open-mindness and search for excitement can turn into a flighty and uncompromising attitude.

Venus sextile uranus is a positive asoect too, more low key than the trine. It makes someone amiable and intriguing, easily liked. The aspect brings excitement to their social life, and make them open to new experiences.

Venus square uranus is a harsh aspect. The square puts the planets at odds with each other. Love, affection and self-esteem do not cooperate well with rebellion and innovation. While very magnetic and probably open minded, these people get the dark taste of venus-uranus. They might be inclined to avoid commitment, and rationalise their emotions too much in love. The person can also be unwilling to compromise their individuality in relationships (which is good, but if overly done it sabotages the relationship, you cannot have one if the people involved are kept apart). They could feel like partnerships take away their freedom. I sense there is a bad image of marriage with this aspect as well. To deal with this compromise must be made. With a lot of introspection and communication (because venus relates to others, if it were for example mars square uranus, the difficulties would be found more internally), venus square uranus can cultivate their talents (don't mean to scare y'all, everyone has squares and they will forever need improvement).

Venus opposite uranus makes the planets completely in conflict with each other. Love, affection and self-esteem are against innovation and rebellion. This can make someone take one side and excessively develop it. If it's venus, the person may give up their individuality for others. If it's uranus, they are overly individualistic. The key here is to find common ground, see what satisfies both parties and get the best of both worlds.

As an ending note, venus-uranus are very pretty aspects in my opinion. I generally love anything uranus touches lmao, but with venus it's more of an unexpected combo :)

Thanks for reading!

#venus aspects #astrology notes #astro observations #astrology aspects #astro notes #astrology #venus sextile uranus

446 notes · View notes

red-doll-face · 4 years ago

Note

domestic oni w/ his s/o and some bebes please ;/// u know

Of course!!! I have seen the light on oni and I have realized he’s the big boi we needed. This ones for u bun ! I’ve never written for oni before so I just went off sorry 😞

Warnings: slight nsfw, slight breeding kink on onis part and reader is afab or at least has obtained baby making bits also children , mentions of blood and gore as well as nasty baby shit 🤢

WC: 1380

Kazan ‘The Oni’ Yamaoka x afab Reader

A Star in the Night

Life always balances itself out. For every bad day there was a good one. Considering his last day on Earth wasn’t necessarily what one could call good, there had to be some good here in the sprawling fog to naturally even things out, right? So, he searches for another chance. This must be Kazan’s second chance because if it were not, he would be well and truly dead. Floating in the abyss, gone forever. Here, however, he’s even met a descendent and her story makes him feel as if he’s done some good. Passed on his vengeful anger that pushed her to stand up for herself and so he decides that here will be his own slice of peace despite the souls he sends to the sky everyday.

As much as he wishes he could have left that part of his past behind. The killing and the beating. Brutality. It has become a part of him. It’s what makes him useful to the new god that rules here so he does it. If he hopes to one day achieve something here he has to please it. The new god has even taken to labelling him the Oni. The oni. A term he once despised. To torment him more, his skin is now tinged blue and his nails have sharpened and grown out black. He sure looks like one now. Blends into him like colors or ink into water. Makes the endless loop of killing a little easier.

Whatever he’s been working towards, he thinks he finally found it. In these repeated processes Kazan see’s someone unique. One of a kind among all the different screaming visages of the survivors. That’s the moment when he makes a more important decision. The choice to take you as a prize. Something of his own.

Bargaining with the Entity quickly places itself as his new priority. What would he have to do to take you away? To start again with you? The entity asks him to sacrifice 100 survivors. No moris, no escapes. Kazan is determined to get this. He is not in this place for no reason. This is his destiny. He almost lost the streak a few times. Against the hardy survivors. Against you too. But it’s not for nothing because the moment he succeeds, the entity allows him to take you. Upon seeing him, you are apprehensive. Why you? What for? All he will say is that you don’t have to be hunted anymore. Not by anyone. You can live a comfortable life, as comfortable as it can be. You’re shocked. Unsure of why this offer is being extended to you. But what would it be like to be in the fog but never have to go to a trial. You ask if you can come back at some point. If you’re free to leave when you want. Kazan doubts you’ll want to leave. He nods anyway.

And so you sit in his house. A house that used to be only Spirits. The temple however isn’t suitable and thus you live in the house. Settling in is rough. You’re not sure what to do. Then Kazan brings some old traditions. Meditating, raking stones in the garden into little lines. Lighting candles and lanterns at the shrine. It’s fairly easy to put you back into a lulling routine. One that doesn't involve blood and hooks. You start to realize that the Oni or Yamaoka Kazan, he had told you, is interested in more than just feeling bad and sheltering you from the Entity’s wrath. He acts as if you are his spouse. He comes from trials and comes to find you. Greets you. Merely wants to spend time with you. He tells you stories from a time of what must have been Japan when their were jitos, shoguns, and, samurai. He was a samurai. You’re uncertain on why you can communicate with him. Shouldn’t he be speaking a different language.

From a cupboard, he pulls little black sticks and stones used for grinding them into powder. Then into ink. Calligraphy brushes. Old brittle paper. He watches you draw little pictures and he keeps all of them, praising your creativity. How he has chosen someone as talented as you.

“Chosen? For what?” You question. Innocent enough of a question.

“To stand beside me.” That clears up nothing. You feel as if something has gone over your head.

His grand daughter, Rin treats you with kindness. She treats you as if you’re part of her family. With a familiarity you’d forgotten was real. It clicks then what Kazan is trying to do. You are to be a warped version of whatever marriage customs were held in his day. A spouse. He’s taken you as a spouse.

Once you confront him about it, he acts as if you should have always known. That it was obvious what his intentions were and that he didn't feel the need to be explicit. You retaliate with the acknowledgement that you’re not from his time. It’s your first real argument. What did he expect from you.

You don’t know when you start to actually like him. He’s not the best conversationalist unless he’s talking about fighting or battlefield strategy but he tries to entertain you. Listens intently to what you have to say. Ultimately, Kazan comes off as more genuine than your own fellow survivors. Some of them were nice. Niceness can only go so long here though. You’ll run out at some point. He brings up the last time you talked about why you were in this derelict house and he apologizes. Kazan apologizes so formally that he practically looks like he’s begging forgiveness. For not thinking of you as an individual and instead as a vessel. Finally, putting two and two together, you think he wants children. You stare quietly at him. A pause lingers and then you ask him if you wanted to bear his children, he wouldn’t respect you any less, would he? He tells you that he would crush the souls of 1000 more men should it mean you would bear his line. He would lay their bodies at your feet if it made you happy. Dramatic but fitting for someone like him.

Kazan tries for it as soon as he can. It should be impossible. The entity cannot create life, only steal it. But you allow him to try. Over and over again. Until it takes. Whenever he finishes, he takes to stuffing his seed back inside of you. Careful of his talon-like nails that seem to be made for ripping flesh apart.

After trying so many times, you feel something change. The entity buzzes about you, you can feel it. No one can see it, certainly not you but it’s excited. When Kazan returns from his stand-in profession, he’s visibly happy. Thrilled.

“You are with child.” He almost yells it, he’s so happy. He picks you up and hikes you into his arms.

It’s the birthing that makes you nervous. You're less daunted by the carrying. Kazan dotes on you, more than he had already. Treats you like a glass figurine, passed down generations. You cannot be broken or stressed. You feel like a figurine, alright. The man simply sits you down and admires you. As you swell, he looks at your belly fondly and then to your face. He pets your hair and soothes you.

The birth is painful. So, so, so painful. More than any mori, hook, or cage. Your body rips itself apart for his child. Your child. The baby is covered in blood and birthing fluid and Kazan is smitten. He’s silent, in awe of your creation. The baby is so small, so tiny in his hulking hands.

The child grows and grows. Laughs and gurgles. Kazan cares for it, a wonderful father. He cleans the blood and gore from himself before seeing your child and you watch on as he teaches them to write. Read ancient japanese. Rin is just as caught up with your baby. She’s like an older sister, the best kind. Normal childhood is unattainable but you lament at forcing the child in this world of night. Your child will never see the sun. But you figure that's because your baby is the sun.

Thanks for requesting and I hope you liked it! 💖💖

#dbd #dbd x reader #dead by daylight #oni x reader #kazan yamaoka #the oni dbd #red writes #kazan yamaoka x reader

412 notes · View notes

kylorenisadorkable · 3 years ago

Text

How TROS Failed Rey

These are just my opinions and from my personal perspective, if these things worked for you in the movie then cool, but this is why it was never going to work for me.

A Feminine Power Fantasy

Growing up in the 90s there wasn't a ton of media that had female lead characters. I grew up with strong female characters but they were often relegated to being the token girl of the group (see the Smurfette principle), the story was never centered around them and we never got to experience things from their point of view or really get to know their story. It felt like I was being asked to relate to male characters but boys were never asked or expected to relate to female characters.

Just as young boys see themselves as Luke, leading the adventure I also wanted to see myself as the main character. I wanted to have my own adventures.

When I first saw TFA, I went in knowing nothing about the movie. I had seen the OT and the Prequels as a kid and I had thought they were ok but I wasn't a huge Star Wars fan and in hindsight I really think this was due to the lack of female representation, Leia and Padme are great but I never really felt like I really got to know them as people. Not to mention that these characters are 2 women out of a cast that's predominantly male, it just seemed like the message LF was sending was that Star Wars is for boys, yeah girls can watch it if they want to but this isn't a series that is meant for you. So as you could guess I wasn't really expecting much from these new Star Wars movies, but I was pleasantly surprised.

I fell in love with Rey's character during those first 3 minutes of her introduction. During this brilliant example of “show don't tell,” story telling they were really able to convey so much about Rey's character and personality, I really began to care for her and felt like I understood her, as I could relate to her loneliness and isolation in my own way. And I was excited to see a story from a major fantasy/adventure franchise told from a feminine perspective. It felt like I was finally getting the representation I wanted to see.

So what happened? How did we go from Luke's line “And I will not be the Last Jedi” which is essentially him “passing the torch” to Rey, the next generation, to “One day I will earn your brother's saber?”

As if the saber didn't already choose her in the Force Awakens? Why did they decide that all of a sudden Rey was unworthy? Didn't Yoda say “that library held nothing that the girl Rey didn't already posses?” which yes was a clever way of saying that Rey already took the jedi texts with her but was also implying that she already had everything she needed within herself to be a jedi (courage, humility, compassion etc...). Why did they take a step backwards in the last movie in the franchise? Insisting that Rey needed to train, that she suddenly wasn't good enough?

I can't say for sure what happened to lead up to this point. Was it just that the creative team gave in to the pressuring of a loud minority of alt-right youtubers and bots. Were they relying on Reddit and Twitter for public opinion rather than doing actual marketing research? While I think that this was definitely a big factor I think there was just a general misunderstanding of the characters on Terrio's and JJ's part to begin with.

What Does Rey Want/Need?

To know where they went wrong, we have to ask ourselves who is Rey? All characters have a story goal, or the thing they want. By the end of the story the character will either get what they want after some struggles of course or learn that the thing that they want isn't what they need. So what does Rey want? To understand what she wants we have to first understand her wound or past experience that caused emotional pain and interferes with the character's life. Rey's wound stems from her abandonment. Along with the wound, comes the concept of the false lie. What is a lie that the character believes about themselves that we as the audience knows is untrue? Rey's lie is first, that her family is going to come back for her.

The other lie she tells herself is the belief that she is worthless because she was abandoned, as she tells everyone she meets “I'm no one“ or “I'm just a scavenger.”

When Daisy Ridley was asked in an interview why Rey says she's “No One.” Ridley says it's because our relationships to people define so much of who we are and without relationships then who are we? This makes sense considering that our parents are major influences in our development and in how we think about ourselves through much of our lives.

Rey seeks out parental figures, thinking that through them she'll figure out where she belongs. “Whoever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. But there's someone who still could. The Belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead.”

Rey initially believes that Maz is referring to Luke and when she later sets off to find him. She believe that he is going to be able to give her answers, and provide her with the belonging that she longs for, but Luke ultimately ends up disappointing her but finds comfort in her relationship with Ben.

This goes back to the idea that what Rey thinks she wants, Isn't necessarily what she needs. As JJ stated in the directors commentary of The Force Awakens, “So there was a very powerful idea that what she desperately wanted was belonging, which she’ll get, but just not how she expects.”

JJ and Terrio try to fullfill Rey's need through “found family” the family she finds with her friends and the resistance, but I think there is more to Rey's desire of wanting family that can't be satisfied by this alone. Finn, Poe, Leia are definitely a part of her journey in finding belonging but they're not the final piece to the puzzle. Otherwise she would have felt completely fulfilled by the end of The Last Jedi when she is on the Falcon surrounded by her friends.

I think part of Rey's desire for family, is also the desire to be understood, to be “seen.” Rey even tells Finn in TROS that “People keep telling me they know me. No one does.” We hear Ben's response in the trailer “But I do...” (which was cut from the movie)

Ben has always been shown to be the person who truly “sees” Rey. He sees even the aspects of herself that she doesn't like to acknowledge. Recognizing that her holding on to her parents is affecting her negatively and that if she really wants to “find herself” she needs to let go.

Which is why when Ben says “You have no place in this story. You're nothing. But not to me.” What is really being expressed is “I don't care about where you come from and I see you for who you are.”

This is why I believe that Ben was always suppose to be the final piece to the belonging Rey is searching for. As their narratives are intertwined. They both satisfy each others needs as characters, Rey's need to be seen for who she is and Ben's need for reconciliation and healing within his family.

Rey Palpatine

Rian Johnson said that when he began working on The Last Jedi, he wrote out all the character's names and next to them wrote what would be the hardest thing for that character to face. For Rey, this was that she needs to stand on her own two feet and define who she is for herself but JJ and Terrio seemed to have misunderstood this as Terrio states that,

“We also thought that Rey’s arc cannot be finished after Episode VIII. You can leave Episode VIII and say, “Well, now, Rey is content. She’s discovered her parents aren’t Skywalkers, or whatever, and that’s fine.” But so much of her personal story was about where she came from, what kept her on Jakku all those years and the trauma that shaped her. We see quite strongly in Episode VII that something mysterious and troubling happened to her. Although she did get some answers in Episode VIII, we didn’t feel that that story was over. We felt that there were still more questions in Rey’s head about where she came from and where she was going. So, that was the other big idea that we had to address in this film. Rian’s answer to, “What’s the worst news that Rey could receive?” was that she comes from junk traders, and that’s true. She does come from junk traders; we didn’t contradict that.”

Rey's conflict wasn't that she came from junk traders. Rey didn't care about “legacy.” Her conflict stemmed from her abandonment. Rey thinks she's “a nobody” not because of her parent's occupation or lineage but because she feels that she must be worthless because why else would her parents give her up? Rey learning that her parents sold her off for drinking money, that they didn't want her, was already a difficult and traumatic truth to overcome. Star Wars is a coming of age story, in the OT Luke grows from being a boy longing for adventure to discovering what it truly means to be a Jedi (following your principles and having a compassionate heart). Rey's journey is about letting go of childhood trauma and discovering her own independence.

It's also strange seeing as JJ had previously stated during The Force Awakens press tour that “I really feel that the assumption that any character needs to have inherited a certain number of midi-chlorians or needs to be part of a bloodline. It's not that I don't believe that as part of the canon, I'm just saying that at 11 years old that wasn't where my heart was. And so I respect and adhere to the canon but I also say that the Force has always seemed to me to be more inclusive and stronger than that.”

And there was still conflict for her to overcome. The one person who she felt truly understood her is now the supreme leader of the first order, will the resistance discover their connection? Will they see her as a traitor? All of this had the potential for great external and internal character conflict, but for some reason they didn't see this as conflict enough to sustain a whole movie?

Instead they gave Luke's character arc in the OT of having a dark side relative to Rey. “Discovering that you actually descended from your adoptive family’s greatest enemy, the same enemy who corrupted Anakin Skywalker and is responsible for the destruction of the Skywalker family in the first place, felt most devastating to us.” This doesn't make any sense to me as it feel like they just gave Rey Luke's internal conflict of being afraid of his dark side, I don't think this was ever a problem for Rey. In fact, in The Last Jedi she leapt into the dark side cave to face her darkness (her abandonment). Luke even says “You went straight to the dark and you didn't even try to stop yourself.”

The dark side cave in The Last Jedi was symbolic of Rey coming to terms with her darkness (the parts of herself she wants to hide). It relates back to Jungian psychology (which much of Star Wars is based on) that people can only become whole through understanding both the light and shadow aspects of their personality. So it doesn't make sense for Rey to be afraid of who she is in the final movie when she just finished a journey where she learned to accept who she was?

Rey Skywalker

Terrio says that the decision to have Rey take on the name “Skywalker” was a way to show that “you can choose your ancestry.” Which is not true and also a strange thing to say considering the trilogy started with this:

But even if this was just awkward phrasing and what Terrio meant to say was that she considers the Skywalkers her family. Does this make sense considering that she didn't have a great relationship with Luke to begin with?

I've seen it argued that she took the name as a way of honoring Leia but Leia never took the name or considered herself a Skywalker. Also this is another step backwards for Rey's character as The Last Jedi was trying to assert that Rey does not need to keep looking for parental figures to define herself.

So why must she be a Palpatine, a Skywalker and “all the jedi” anyways? I think this was done for two reasons, the first was because by killing Ben they were going to kill the last of the Skywalker family and they wanted to keep the name tied to the franchise, in case they need the characters for future projects down the line, so they just pushed it onto Rey. The second reason is that I think they were trying to appease the misogynists' who spent the last 4 years calling Rey a “Mary Sue” so they explained her power away through powerful male lineage. It just feels so weird to me, like the creators are saying that we should like Rey not because of who she is as a character but because of who she is in relation to all these other characters we know you like (Luke, Leia, all the jedi that use her as a vessel etc...)

Daisy Ridley has even expressed her frustration with the Rey's lineage debate multiple times, “I love that Rey is such a great character, they’re like: ‘No, no, she has to be… she has to be-’She’s her own person! Let her be her guys, let her live.

Yet even at the end of the final film poor Rey can't seem to catch a break as she's once again asked for her last name. She once again has to justify herself for just existing. Why are surnames suddenly so important in Star Wars now anyways? Shouldn't the correct answer be “just Rey,” now that she's come to accept who she is and where she's come from and shouldn't that be good enough? What happened to the message of anyone can be a hero? That you don't have to come from or align yourself with a powerful family legacy. That we all have the power to make a difference?

TROS seems to be constantly asking Rey to prove herself. And weirdly enough it reminds me in a strange meta way of my own experience being a woman in the fandom and being constantly asked to prove that I'm a “True fan” (whatever the f@#% that means...) to prove that I'm worthy of consuming and participating in this content that male fans feel belongs solely to them.

In Conclusion

So what did our heroine gain in the end? Did she find family and belonging? No. So what does she have in the end? A yellow lightsaber (for merchandising purposes) and a surname of a dead family? I guess she finally has an answer to give all the nosey nellies, obsessed with ones pedigree that have suddenly popped up all over the galaxy.

It's not a satisfying ending for her, as she's basically right back where she started. Alone, in a desolate desert, once again staring face to face at an old woman (an old woman which at the start of the Force Awakens symbolized her fear of growing old and wasting away her life on Jakku).

Terrio states that this is not meant to indicate that Rey plans to stay here, “The very last thing Rey would do after all that is to go and live alone in a desert.” but when that is the last shot you chose to end the movie on then what is the audience suppose to think? The bigger issue however, is that Rey's ending holds no significance to her or her journey. Terrio says that “In our thinking, Rey goes back to Tatooine as a pilgrimage in honor of her two Skywalker masters. Leia’s childhood home, Alderaan, no longer exists, but Luke’s childhood home, Tatooine, does. Rey brings the sabers there to honor the Skywalker twins by laying them to rest — together, finally — where it all began.” Tatooine, the Lars homestead and the twin suns, don't mean anything to Rey. You know who did mean something to Rey? Who was the one person who understood her, who she had an intimate relationship with, who she explicitly states she wanted to be with? Ben. But he's gone too. But clearly a light saber and surname are more important. Again this all comes from a lack of caring for what Rey wants.

I just wish that the Sequel Trilogy had stayed Rey's trilogy, that she got to be a heroine in her own right not because she was a skywalker, or a palpatine or from some other powerful family. I will always love Rey but I will always hate what they did to her and I'm tired of people invalidating my feelings and telling me that it was a good ending or that it was empowering. I just want heroines to be taken as seriously and to have all the same privileges as male heroes. Let them stand on their own without connecting them back to every male hero in the franchise, let them be their own character, and finally just let them be human, let them fall in love and have relationships if they want to. Male heroes are never considered to be less of a hero for having a love interest, so why are female heroes? Basically what I got out of the Rise of Skywalker, was that it was created by a couple of guys that loved Luke and the OT and could care less about Rey and that's truly heart breaking.

#rey #rey nobody #reylo #ben solo #rey deserved better #rey deserves better #bring ben solo back #I love rey #aTROSity #just rey #reunite the dyad

210 notes · View notes

along-came-atsushi · 4 years ago

Text

BSD Mayoi’s Tarot Cards

I really liked BSD Mayoi’s approach to the tarot card theme and the beautiful artwork they put in there. Therefore, I decided to take a closer look at their meanings and to see if it fits with the chosen character.

All used cards belong to the Major Arcana tarot cards. The Major Arcana represent life lessons, karmic influences and big archetypical themes that influence a person’s life and the journey of their soul. They are the symbol of human consciousness and the key to life lessons. The Major Arcana include 21 numbered cards, starting with The Fool as the number 0. A Major Arcana in a tarot reading means that the person must reflect on the life lessons or that they are currently experiencing this time.

The tarot cards’ meanings and interpretations depend on and changes whether it’s upright or reversed. That means every card has positive (upright) and negative (reversed) meanings and their interpretations are heavily based on context. For example, The Fool in a reversed (negative) interpretation doesn’t simply mean that the person who gets the tarot reading is stupid, but that they might be in a point in their life where they have to decide something important and are reluctant to do so. Justice in an upright (positive) interpretation doesn’t simply mean that the person is righteous, and so on.

Besides their general meaning, the tarot cards also have a meaning for specific aspects of human life: health, spirituality, love and relationships, career and money. For this meta I’m focusing only on their general meaning.

I’m going to show and quote the character’s reaction to their assigned tarot cards first, then describe the card’s design, explain their general meaning and lastly compare it to the character’s personality, relationships and ability. The original cards’ description is based on Rider-Waite’s “Pictorial Key to the Tarot” card guide and can vary with other cards’ designs. Please note that Mayoi has either left out or changed some elements in favor of their artistic freedom.

All information in this meta has been gathered from my research of several internet sites. I really had fun with the way I wrote this meta, so if we’ll ever get more characters as tarot cards, I’d very much like to continue this series.

[Beware: Spoilers for the Hunting Dogs/Decay of Angels Arc!]

Atsushi – The Fool

Memo:

Nakajima Atsushi as The Fool tarot card. While initially surprised by the name of his card, after learning of its interpretations, he seems to be deeply moved as he looks back on his past.

Quotes: - “The name of this card, ‘The Fool’, surprised me at first, but I see it has positive meanings too! I'm kind of relieved...” - “It also stands for ‘freedom’. Hm... Compared to my old self, I can learn a lot of things, everyone from the Agency is by my side... and I can decide my own path...”.

Description:

The Fool usually gazes at the sky and the universe. Atsushi’s gaze is turned towards the viewer, probably a design decision. But he has his head lifted up towards the sky, still implying the original direction of The Fool’s gaze.

He carries his bag with a branch that rests on his shoulder and the bag contains all the things that he needs. Since it’s not big, it could mean that he either doesn’t need much or that he doesn’t own much to begin with. The white rose on his bag symbolizes purity and innocence. The white dog to his feet symbolizes loyalty and protection.

Normally, The Fool is seen to be at the edge of a cliff, unaware that he could fall into the unknown. Behind him is a mountain, symbolizing the challenges that are about to come. But he doesn’t care about these things right now, he’s focused on starting his journey and to learn the lessons that he came to learn.

Meanings and Interpretations:

- UPRIGHT: (new) beginnings, freedom/free-spirited, adventure, travel, originality, innocence, foolishness, carelessness, idealism, youth, spontaneity, lack of commitment.

- REVERSED: recklessness/risk-taking, carelessness, negligence, stupidity, distraction, apathy, irrationality, lack of fun/hope/faith, holding back.

Atsushi’s reaction at the meaning of his card is not surprising, since the word “fool” is not associated with positive meanings. The Fool in tarot is interpreted as the protagonist of a story and the Major Arcana is the path he must take, which is also called “The Fool’s Journey”. Along his way he meets new teachers and new life lessons and unveils the great mysteries of life. He eventually completes his journey reaching The World card.

Despite its name, The Fool is generally a positive card and the change it brings are seen as a welcome one. It indicates new beginnings, which means that someone is on the start of an exciting and unexpected adventure. On this adventure, The Fool may take a leap of faith, but will grow through this as a result. The adventure may not only be mental, but also physical, where The Fool has to travel to a place they’ve never been before.

Reversed, The Fool still means new beginnings, but it can signify that the person is reluctant to start their adventure or to jump into their new experience. It can indicate that the person is living in the moment, but that they behave recklessly towards others in their excitement.

~ ~ ~

This fits Atsushi, since he is the protagonist of BSD’s main story and his journey starts without him knowing about all the things that are about to come (positive and negative).

Atsushi’s past experiences in the orphanage as well as his isolated upbringing make him somewhat unaware and naïve about the world he lives in and its rules. He is unsure in his own capabilities and hesitates to take a new path unfolding before him (e.g., him joining the ADA). The new beginnings, as well as the dog symbolizing loyalty and protection could be a give and take symbolization for Atsushi. Meeting several characters in his life (especially the ADA members) offers him a new beginning, but he also stands in as a new beginning for these characters.

He is loyal and protective towards people who are important to him, but they also believe in him and are loyal and protective towards him, too. During his journey he takes a leap of faith in trusting in characters that were on the antagonizing side at first (Lucy, Akutagawa, Fitzgerald) and as a result, he grows through these interactions.

If possible, he likes to avoid doing tasks alone due to his lack of self-confidence and experience, which is shown when he questions himself, feels distressed or tries to avoid tough situations. Whenever the situation forces him to rely on himself (e.g., infiltrating Moby Dick) he comes out of it having learned a new lesson. His journey doesn’t only take place in his mind, but he has also physically traveled to a place where he has never been before (e.g., Standard Island).

Negative memories and experiences are something that hold him back throughout the story and make him hesitant in his decisions (e.g., the headmaster’s voice in his mind). He acts recklessly and careless in stressful situations, which causes him to tap into other characters’ traps (e.g., when he was under Q’s curse). During these situations he is not able to move on on his own and needs the help of others (e.g., Dazai scolding him). But he slowly realizes that he is now free from those past circumstances. He embraces the good things in his life and with this gradually moves on from his past.

Yosano – The Empress

Memo:

Yosano Akiko as The Empress tarot card. While she is not particularly interested in the divination aspect of tarot, she seems to have noticed the similarities between herself and The Empress.

Quotes: - “Tarot, yes... I am not at all interested in the overly uncertain aspects of divination, but The Empress has a rather beautiful design. I like it.” - “Apparently, The Empress is associated with vitality. Fufu, ‘vitality’. I like the sound of that.” - “I can only treat humans. And even then, I cannot treat all humans. I cannot control the vitality of the land like The Empress. Even so, I must do what I can.”

Description:

The Empress sits on a throne as representation of her dominion over growing things. She wields a scepter with her left hand, which represents her power over life. A shield is placed at her feet, the eagle on it is the heraldic emblem of the Holy Roman Empire. She wears a crown with stars, showing her connection to the mystical realm and the cycles of the natural world (usually there are twelve stars, symbolizing the twelve months of the year and the twelve planets).

Golden wheat grows in the foreground, framing her figure and indicating the abundance of harvest. The background is adorned with mountains, instead of a forest as in the original design. The depiction of nature in The Empress’ card signifies her connection with Mother Earth and life itself. She rejuvenates herself by the energy of nature.

The figure of The Empress is often depicted as a pregnant woman, her robe is patterned with pomegranates, the symbol of fertility. She is also mostly adorned with the symbol of Venus (that is sometimes shown on the shield instead of the eagle), which is the epitome of love, creativity, fertility, beauty and grace.

Meanings and Interpretations:

- UPRIGHT: Pregnancy, fertility, motherhood, sensuality, nurturing, creativity, beauty, femininity, nature, harmony, art, abundance.

- REVERSED: Insecurity, infertility, lack of confidence, lack of growth, overbearing tendencies, disharmony, negligence, creative block, dependence on others.

The Empress represents femininity and motherhood. Parents-to-be (mothers as well as fathers) who receive this card are encouraged to build on their communication with their children and to show them their nurturing side. However, even if the person is not a parent The Empress’ message stays the same.

It tells you to embrace your softer side and to listen to your emotions and intuition. People, especially those in need of empathy and compassion, will be drawn to you and you will be able to provide them with your nurturing. Not only does The Empress represent the creation of life, but also of romance, art or business. She symbolizes the emergence of an idea and the need to be receptive to change.

When The Empress appears reversed it tells you to embrace your feminine qualities. This also applies to men, as it is believed in tarot that all humans have masculine and feminine energies that need to be brought into balance. It signifies that a person may have been suppressing or neglecting their feminine side that needs to be embraced.

A person may be too focused on the material and mental aspects of their life and has disregarded the emotional and spiritual aspects. They may be putting the needs of others before their own or they may feel emotionally overwhelmed, so that they neglect the people important to them. It is advised to shift your focus in these situations and to ground yourself to get back to your inner balance.

~ ~ ~

Yosano is not associated with pregnancy or motherhood per se (since she is not a mother), but her role as a doctor and her ability can be interpreted symbolically in that way. She “creates” life or “gives birth” by bringing people back to life. She “nurtures” life by healing severe wounds.

This fits with her story arc, because she started her medical career already in her childhood. What began as a forced work during the war, turned out be a good blessing at first. The soldiers were in awe with her and her restoring ability, they were thankful and drawn to her nurturing side.

However, this turned out to be seen as the exact opposite, when the soldiers gradually experienced more trauma due to them being brought back to life over and over again. The same people now behaved hostile towards Yosano, involuntarily earning her the title “the angel of death”.

This trauma and abuse led to Yosano suffering herself, because she was forced to put the need of others before her own. This then led to her despising her own life and ability. She became visibly miserable and just a shell of who she once was, believing that she only brought demise to other people.

It was only when Fukuzawa and Ranpo found her that she started to gain hope and strength, because she was told that they were not interested in her ability, but in her kindness for others.This was the start for Yosano to realize that it’s not her supernatural ability alone, but also her mind and intentions that can help people, and marks the start of her career as the ADA’s doctor (even without her ability she is still a doctor and even without that she still values life and wants to save it).

Through her experiences she now knows the limits of her own abilities (both her supernatural ability and her abilities as a doctor), which can be seen in her reaction to her card. She still hasn’t given up on her work and duty, despite her negative memories. She won’t be losing track of herself, because she now has people at her side who truly care for her.

Kenji – The Chariot

Memo:

Miyazawa Kenji as The Chariot tarot card. He seems very interested in the illustrations of the brave horses and their chariot. The two horses depicted on the card remind him of his days back in Ihatov.

Quotes: - “The Chariot looks so valiant! And it has two horses! I bet they're good horses.” - “Apparently, one of the meanings of The Chariot is ‘the ability to take action’. Hmm~, I can't really tell, but what do you think? Do I have that?” - “I think it would be so fun if I could do my detective work with horses like the boy on this card! If I worked with horses, I feel like I'd be able to do a lot more!”

Description:

Kenji is depicted as armored warrior. His laurel crown (although heavily altered in design) symbolize victory, success and spiritual evolution. The figure of The Chariot usually stands tall inside his chariot. In Kenji’s case that has been upgraded and exaggerated to him standing with one foot on the foreside and pointing with one finger ahead. A heavy indication of taking action and moving forward.

In front of the chariot are two horses, which represent positive and negative opposing forces and duality. The two horses pull in different and opposing directions, yet The Chariot uses his willpower and sheer resolve to move them in the direction that he wants. He doesn’t need to hold reins to move, instead he controls it through the strength of his will and mind.

In the original card’s design, the armor of The Chariot is decorated with crescent moons, which represent what is coming into being, a tunic with a square, representing the strength of will and other alchemical symbols that are a representation of spiritual transformation.

The canopy above his head is adorned with six pointed stars that indicate his connection to the celestial world and the divine will. Instead of horses, two sphinxes are in the foreground. A city with a large river can be seen behind The Chariot, symbolizing the need to be in flow with the rhythm of life while charging ahead towards your goals.

Meanings and Interpretations:

- UPRIGHT: victory, overcoming obstacles, success, ambition, determination/willpower, control, self-discipline, hard work and focus, action.

- REVERSED: forcefulness, lack of direction, lack of self-control, powerlessness, aggression, coercion, being blocked by obstacles, opposition.

The Chariot upright represents overcoming obstacles through determination, focus and willpower. The person may feel motivated, ambitious and in control, therefore they are encouraged to go for what they want. There may be challenges and obstacles in The Chariot’s path, but if you stay focused and believe in your own abilities, you will be able to overcome these. The Chariot can also represent travel, as it is a means of transportation.

People who receive this card may feel like they are fighting a battle and because of that act defensively or aggressively to hide that they are emotionally vulnerable at the moment. In this case, you are encouraged to find balance between the heart and the mind. The Chariot also indicates success in sports and competitions.

The Chariot reversed means that a person may feel powerless and lack direction and confidence. They may feel put upon by others or the circumstances in their life. This can lead to anger and frustration as well as uncontrolled aggression. The Chariot advises you that you need to take control of your own destiny and to not let outside forces determine your path.

It indicates that you need to set boundaries and stick to them and to be clear about the time and resources you are willing to dedicate to others. If people in your life become too needy and demanding the person is advised to take back their own power.

~ ~ ~

Kenji starts his story by moving from the land to the city. His decision to leave his family and village, live in the city and to work for the ADA can be interpreted as him moving forward in a physical and spiritual sense. He is willing to challenge his new surroundings and grows through this as a result.

He has shown to be very confident in himself and his abilities, being the most optimistic of the group and to always look on the positive side of things. Tough situations do not worry him much, because he believes the outcome will work out just fine.This determination also transfers to other characters when they are with him and should they find themselves in a distressed situation (e.g., when he had his mission with Atsushi who was constantly worried about how Kenji does his work).

Being able to control something with his pure willpower could also be interpreted as an allusion to his supernatural ability that allows him to lift up cars or tear down stone walls on a whim. However, Kenji’s ability relies on the fact that he needs to be hungry in order to use it and the ADA members also advise to not disturb him when he is sleeping, because he will get irritated and aggressive in that state.

Kenji has been shown to not only be able to get over physical obstacles, thanks to his ability (e.g., bringing Fukuzawa out of the hospital). He is also able to encourage his peers to get over mental obstacles (e.g., his speech to the ADA when they flee from the HD).

Kunikida – Justice

Memo:

Kunikida Doppo as the Justice tarot card. Having always stood for justice and ideals, Kunikida has a favorable impression of this card.

Quotes: - “Justice... What a well-named card. The sword and scale illustrations aren't bad either.” - “I have no desire to sit on a throne, but I value fairness, which is one of the meanings this card holds. I want to uphold this as I carry out my Agency duties.”

Description:

Kunikida as the figure of Justice sits on a throne, holding a sword in his right hand and scales in his left hand. The sword points upwards, symbolizing a firm and final decision. Its double-edged blade is a reminder that our actions always carry consequences. The scales show that intuition must always balance logic and are a symbol of impartiality.

He wears a crown with a small square on it, a representation of well-ordered thoughts. His white shoes looking from underneath his robe also symbolize that our actions have spiritual consequences.

The figure of Justice sometimes is depicted in front of a loosely hung purple veil, which signifies compassion. Two pillars frame the figure, symbolizing balance, law and structure.

Meanings and Interpretations:

- UPRIGHT: justice, karmic justice, consequences, legal disputes, law, truth, honesty, integrity, cause and effect, life lessons, fairness.

- REVERSED: injustice, karmic retribution, dishonesty, corruption, lack of accountability, dishonesty, unfairness, karmic avoidance.

In an upright context, the Justice tarot card is a representation of karmic justice, legal matters, cause and effect. Justice symbolizes truth and integrity and can imply that a person may feel the urge to speak out the truth. This person values honesty and integrity in others, too.

Justice also relates to balance and signifies that an event may occur that is beyond a person’s control or their own making. In these moments Justice encourages the person to keep themself level-headed as the events unfold. It also signifies that a person is about to make a choice and that they are currently weighing all their options. In legal matters, this card shows that the outcome will be a fair and balanced result.

Reversed, Justice means injustice and the avoidance of karmic justice. It symbolizes that a person has been treated unjustly or that they are in a situation where they are being affected unfairly by the choices and actions of others. The person may feel victimized or blamed for something that isn’t their fault. Justice reminds the person to still keep their balance. If the person created the situation themself, it is advised to think about how they can react to that situation. It also signifies that the person must be accountable, if they created the situation by bad choices and actions. This means that the person should not blame others and to be more self-aware.

It can also symbolize dishonesty and that a person should not lie their way out of something or try to justify it. The person may also have hardline views in their life and prejudices the people around them. In legal matters, Justice indicates that the result will be one of injustice or that the outcome may not what the person has hoped for.

~ ~ ~

Kunikida is practically the personification of justice of all of the ADA members and justice is also something that he has been shown to think about a lot. He takes his work very professional and serious and tries to bring every case to a fair result. If he isn’t able to save people, he calls out the unfairness of the situation (e.g. when he tried to save the abducted victims in the Azure Messenger case.) This shows that he feels responsible and guilty even for events that were out of his control.

He seems to try to balance his own life by sticking to his written ideals and calls others out shouldn’t they behave in the same way (e.g. mostly seen when Dazai is neglecting his work). If he notices that people are distressed during a bad situation, he reminds them to keep their balance or he tells them to think about what they can do (e.g. to Atsushi when the Black Lizard attacked the ADA office). But he also reminds himself about these things (e.g., seen when he was told by Jouno that he felt relieved about the ADA getting caught and with this his ideals falling apart. But then he got back to his knees and defended the ADA, so that they could escape.)

When Kunikida meets new people, he keeps up his guard and distance at first, and holds prejudices about them (e.g. when he met Dazai, Atsushi and Kyouka). This can lead to him having a wrong first impression of people (negative and positive) and with this easily fall into traps (e.g., when he did not realize that Sasaki was the Azure Messenger).

This implies that he first weighs to be careful about whom he trusts (in this case a new colleague), and changes his mind about them later, once they have proven to be trustworthy.

Tanizaki – Temperance

Memo:

Tanizaki Junichiro as the Temperance tarot card. While he initially tilted his head at the card's rather strange design, he faces its mystical aura head-on. He seems to have interpreted the card's meaning in his own way.

Quotes: - “The person on this card is pouring liquid from one cup into another... What on earth for?” - “So, Temperance also means ‘harmony’. Hm, am I harmonic? Oh, sometimes I sort things out when there's a commotion at the office... so I guess I am?” - “Hmm, so it means ‘devotion’ too... The only person I'm devoted to is Naomi. To me, Naomi is irreplaceable.”

Description:

Tanizaki balances himself with one foot on land, representing the need to stay grounded and the other in the water, representing the need to be in flow. The water he pours between two cups are the symbol of the flow and alchemy of life. This was a standard symbol of Temperance as one of the cardinal virtues, as it represents the dilution of wine with water.

In many decks, the figure of Temperance is depicted as winged angel, but instead we see two feathers, probably meant as surrogate of the angel’s wings. The background shows a path leading to a mountain with a golden crown on top, but this depiction has been changed in Tanizaki’s card and the golden crown rests upon his own head instead. The crown is a symbol of taking the higher path and staying true to one’s meaning and purpose in life.

Meanings and Interpretations:

- UPRIGHT: Balance, peace, patience, moderation, inner calm, perspective, tranquility, harmonious relationships, soulmates, purpose.

- REVERSED: Imbalance, self-indulgence, excess, clashing, lack of perspective, discord, antagonism, recklessness, hastiness, self-healing, re-alignment.

Upright, Temperance indicates that a person has found their inner calm and peace. They have a good perspective on things and care about harmonious relationships. It signifies feeling content and having found tranquility. Temperance shows that a person is in touch with who they are inside and what they value.

They have their own moral compass and have learned not to get dragged into other people’s conflicts. Minor issues won’t knock them off balance, instead they adapt to the situation with a clear mind and a calm heart. Figuring out your aspirations and your goals is easier for people who get this card in their readings.

In a reversed position, Temperance means imbalance. It signifies that a person behaves in a reckless manner. The person may have lost touch with their inner calm and peace, which leads to them seeking gratification in harmful and risky ways (like alcohol, drug use or gambling).

It can also mean that the person has a lack of harmony with the people in their life and due to this the person may lash out to people close to them, which then causes them to get dragged into drama. In these situations, it is advised to take a step back and look at how you are behaving, because you may lack to see the bigger picture. Examining the root causes and working to resolve them is the way back to your inner calm and peace.

~ ~ ~

Tanizaki appears to be one of the calmest people in the ADA. He does not get into quarrels with others, even if he is wary or hesitant about their ideas (e.g., giving in to Naomi’s demands and shenanigans, hesitating and getting tricked by Dazai to participate in Atsushi’s entrance exam).

Although, he is nervous on missions, he still takes them on with a clear mind and a professional approach. Many missions are entrusted to him alone, showing that people know that he can handle the situation just well.

His decision to work for the ADA could imply that he has found his goal and his purpose in life. His dedication to Naomi shows that he is patient and calm, and that he cares deeply for a harmonious relationship between them. Keeping her safe above all things indicates that he’s sees it as his purpose in his life, too.

However, Naomi is also his biggest weak point. Whenever she is in danger or hurt, Tanizaki gets knocked off his balance and inner calm. These situations make him hastily jump into actions and due to this he becomes an easy target for others (e.g., when he attacked Higuchi out of anger, he didn’t notice Akutagawa; when he was about to kill Mori to save Fukuzawa, he tapped into Kouyou’s trap).

Even though this does not only concern Naomi’s well-being, as he has also been shown to make rush conclusions, if other people he cares about are in danger or in a predicament (e.g., when Fukuzawa was about to die due to cannibalism; offering to join PM as exchange instead of Yosano). His work as a detective on this aspect lets him also get regularly dragged into other people’s drama, either the drama of clients or the drama of other ADA members.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sources: www.biddytarot.com | www.thetarotguide.com | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_Arcana

#atsushi nakajima bsd #akiko yosano bsd #kenji miyazawa bsd #doppo kunikida bsd #junichiro tanizaki bsd #Atsushi Nakajima #Akiko Yosano #Kenji Miyazawa #Doppo Kunikida #Junichiro Tanizaki #bsd meta #bsd analysis #Bungou Stray Dogs #bsd mayoi

265 notes · View notes