#except with my membership thing its kinda free

[thesoundofsnowfallingfromeaves]

honestly having a purpose for which i wanna get fit is such a healthy motivator to work out for me, I am so glad I am doing this hike in summer! Before, even when I tried not to, working out always had the 'i wanna change my body shape' undertone for me, because there wasn't really much else to it? yeah bouldering I mostly just do for fun because its also usually with coworkers and it has a real achievement element to it (climbing progressively harder routes and you get to finish many of them in one session which feels great), but everything else was kinda that, even cycling to work when i did it, which is bonkers, cause its mostly also just transportation. But now I am training for my big adventure and the body stuff is so much less on my mind. Its more like "this will help me climb the big hills in 7 months hell yeah!". I feel like I hacked the system.

[greatwesternway]

How are you liking Chicago? :)

I love it so far. It's wonderful here.

Ray is here, obviously, so I get to move to a cool new place with the benefit of my bestie being here to show me everything I got comin' to me.

There is public transit at all. I was able to get rid of my car.

People are really nice here. Like, strangely so. They say that about Texas 'cause we'll greet our neighbors when we see them in the hall and shit, but it's very different in tone here (and my neighbors in my building greet me in the hall here too so).

Everyone here has been very chill and personable. I expect cashiers at stores to be brusque and they are not (except at Mariano's but, like, I geddit). Even when my transaction is difficult and I'd expect to get indifference for being annoying, they are still polite and friendly. I am still reeling from my trip to the fucking DMV where everyone was acting like they were happy to be there and I was in and out of there in less than an hour. They were smiling. At their jobs. At the DMV. It's like people aren't so demoralized by their lives here.

And really, that's gotta be it because there's a lot under the hood going for Chicago. Just better, more humane politics in general and community-oriented attitudes. It's cool to see the governor mentioned in something and know it's probably not going to be embarrassing at best and a human rights violation at worst. Public investment and ownership everywhere you look. Shit's cash.

Better weather too. It was 70 here the other day and 107 back in Texas. I know its gonna get cold; truth told, I'm cold already. Thus far, it's been temperate.

They just put these new LED lights on the underside of the L tracks on Wabash to make the street less dark. It's kinda like a little bit of Dallas. I hope they do more like that 'cause that's my favorite thing about Dallas. And its part of a broader thing about Chicago where they'll just be puttin' public art on things just for the sake of making stuff look more interesting. Like, "yeah, you could have this, but what if it also was a sculpture?" There's a parking garage here with one side that's just made of "flappers" that move when the wind blows. Why? 'Cause it looks cool. Sometimes we do that in Texas, but its few and far between, whereas Chicago seems to ask this question about almost anything it does.

People actually hang out on their balconies here. We have balconies in Texas, but you almost never see anyone actually out there. The other day, I was looking out my window and I see fuckin' bubbles blowing around. There was a guy a floor up from me, on his balcony, blowing bubbles. People just out here enjoying themselves. Incredible.

I can walk to one of the world's best art museums. I can walk to the grocery store. I have to take trains to see more trains, but that is a delight and privilege.

Me and Ray got quid pro quo memberships at our favorite museums so we can go as often as we want (or need to) with free admission.

The only thing I really miss is HEB.

So yeah, Chicago is rad, highly recommend.

[pancakeke]

So I have a question. I have the ✨deluxe✨ membership on the PSN and all the Yakuza games are free to download (except Yakuza 6). There’s Yakuza Kiwami and the others that are numbered. But like idk which one to play first like what’s the order do I play Kiwami first or Yakuza 0… lmfao pls help m e

kiwami and kiwami 2 first, then Y0, and numerical from there. Y0 is a prequel so people may argue that you should play chronologically starting with that one, but that's what I did and it made me miss references in Y0 because I wasn't super familiar with certain characters yet.

also playing Kiwami 2 -> Y0 -> Y3 will give you less whiplash from the engine change than going from Kiwami 2 -> Y3 lol. Kiwami 2 is a remake of Y2 that uses the newer dragon engine (no load screens to enter buildings and destructible environments!) but Y3 is only a remaster of the old version. you can really feel its age. honestly jumping into Y3 after Kiwami 2 kinda ruined my experience of Y3 cause I was so bummed at the huge gameplay downgrade.

also warning that Y3 was ridiculously easy for me on normal. I was worried it would be janky and cheap but it was absolutely not. unless you really struggle with the earlier games, play on hard. I was literally putting my controller down in fights + eating tons of worms to lose health so I could eat restaurant items (you can NOT eat on full health in this game, plus you can only eat 1 menu item at a time).

one more about Y3: in chapter 9 do not get into the car that is sent to pick you up if you are in a hurry to do anything irl. it throws you into a 28 minute long cutscene followed by a drawn out non-boss fight no opportunity to save and quit until both those things are over. no exaggeration on that time, I just looked it up to get a number 🙃

[kevin--of-desert-bluffs]

WTNV Quick Rundown - 7 - History Week

Hello again! To catch up with previous (or future, I guess? depending on when you're reading this) rundowns, click here or go to my blog and look under the tag #wtnv quick rundown

This is a series where I take a look at each episode of the podcast and each live show (where able) and write you, dear reader, old fan or new, a nice bulletpoint list of lore, facts, quotes and interesting things so you don't have to go through the whole thing yourself if you don't want to or can't. Let's begin!

It is almost complete. It is almost complete. At last. Welcome to Night Vale.

It's History Week in Night Vale. Time to, as City Council says, “Poke about in the black recesses of the past until it devours our fragile present.” Cecil's contribution is to basically infodump some Night Vale lore such as-!

Night Vale has evidence of settlers as early as 4000BC, as well as dark figures that would watch them from the distance. The cave paintings in Night Vale however have been mostly power-washed away by someone who 'on religious grounds' did not believe in the past.

The first white men arrived in 1745. There were four parties of explorers who looked at the terrible waterless desert and moved on, but the final party shrugged and decided to stay. (Cecil once more insults Desert Bluffs for just kinda existing, he lived on spite back in this time lol).

In 1824 there was the first meeting of the Town Elder Council, the predecessor of the City Council. They were crimson robes and soft meat crowns (as previously mentioned). In this meeting they invented several things which Night Vale still uses such as the City Council membership, their 'lovely byzantine' tax system and brutal penalties for mistakes and the official town song, chant and moan. Cecil is to report for re-education the next day for saying this. 'Oh dear' he remarks.

In 1943, everyone in Night Vale chanted for the USA's victory in the war and maintained the belief that their chanting was a deciding factor in the victory. City Council erected a seven story monument in Grove Park saying so, until a federal lawsuit made them take it down (the outside world is aware of NV??).

In 2052, The Scion of the Dark Order will descend, realize he mistimed the prophecy, and re-ascend. The seventh siege of the Great Night Vale Temple will rage on. The plague of buzzing boils will kill thousands, and annoy thousands more with its buzzing. The City Council will reveal its true form and eat half of Night Vale’s population. Approval ratings for the mayor will hover in the low 40s, which will be surprising, as there will have been no mayor for over thirty years.

Cecil also tells us what he did 'yesterday'. Basically just ordinary stuff, except for Old Woman Josie digging up a box from her garden and then burying it somewhere else.

The Night Vale Tourism Board(NVTB) director is called Madeline LeFleur. She is asking that whoever is telepathically attacking tourists to please stop. If you have information on who or what is doing it (thus reducing tourists and the money they bring) you will receive a free puppy. The downtown municipal offices are overrun with puppies.

'The Apache Tracker' has vanished, which Cecil is glad for because he 'made the whole town look ignorant and racist'. His home is also gone, replaced by bucolic meadow that neighbourhood children refuse to enter.

Crews from the Department of Public Safety will be repainting highway lane markers. Designed by contemporary artists Kara Walker: White dashes and double-yellow lane dividers will be replaced with colourful ceramic mosaics depicting disgruntled South American workers rising en masse against an abusive capitalist hegemony. Protective steel barriers will be replaced by provocative butcher-paper silhouettes of slavery-era self-mutilation, reflective of centuries of slow genocide and dehumanization by western imperialists.

Exits 15 to 17 along Route 800 will be closed for the next two Saturdays because of the biennial Lee Marvin Film Retrospective. Lee Marvin is, for some reason, pretty significant to NV lore.

Many citizens are dissatisfied with the NV library because: the public computers for internet use are outdated and slow, the lending period of 14 days is not nearly long enough to read lengthier books, the fatality rate is well above the national average for public libraries, the library bloodstone circle does not appear to have seen any maintenance or cleaning in some time, there are reports of a faceless spectre moving about the biographies section, picking off lone browsers one by one and that biographies section is far too small and contains 33 copies of the official biography of Helen Hunt, and no other books.

There is then a significantly long section parodying ideas about gun control as the NV High School is implementing metal detectors. The shadow government apparently gives all kids uzi's and rifles and the metal detectors are bad apparently it infringes on 'this clandestine operation's rights as a vast underground conspiracy of giant mega-corporations and corrupt world leaders to bear arms via teenage paramilitary proxies.'

The school board argues that those without firearms won't use them and will instead actually get an education.

Cecil is outraged at the idea of taking away the firearms. But he also says that “Praise the beams; Praise o ye knowing beams that guide our lives, our hearts, our souls. Praise o highest to ye all-powerful beams!” is part of the pledge of allegiance so yeah pinch of salt due to the commentary aspect of NV.

And now for a word from our sponsors. That word is “carp.” 

Weather: "Despite What You've Been Told" by Two Gallants, twogallants.com

The Night Vale Business Association says that the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area did not ever actually exist. It was a shared hallucination effecting everyone. They are proud to declare that they have never suffered any sort of disastrous business failure or lost massive amounts of money building waterfront facilities in a desert. They recommend consulting your dream interpretation manuals to determine exactly what this Night Vale Harbour vision could mean. They also said that if you happen to stumble on the waterfront buildings out in the desert exactly where you remembered them and they seem real, that’s because you are still hallucinating and should seek medical treatment or have a 'member' of the City Council howl at you if you are of the olden faith and do not believe in modern medicine.

But most importantly: all of us, all of us here in Night Vale, in America, in the world, in the secret orbital bases, all of us got through another day. We passed the time, from one end of twelve to the other, without stopping once. Well done, us. Good job, people who experience time. Time experiencers, good job. And, from this moment in history, the one that’s happening right now, good night. - why didn't he sign off right HISSSS

[in-class-daydreams]

Blue Star | Oikawa x Reader | Ch. 2

cr- Pairing: Oikawa Tooru x Reader

- Word Count: ~ 2600

- Genres: Fluff, angst, Ushijima doesn’t know what a meme is

- CW: Mild swearing, and sexual implications/content 

- Summary: Sometimes, (Y/N) wonders if it was hard for her father to send her away. To a new prefecture, a new home, a new school. It all just might be worth it when after becoming the (suspiciously knowledgeable) manager of the Aoba Johsai boys’ volleyball club, she meets Oikawa Tooru. Together, they do their best to exorcise demons they thought would never leave. They learn about progress, when to strive for it, and when to accept the realities that cannot be changed.

Chapters: First | Previous | Next (coming soon!)

“Then what character would Oikawa be?” Iwaizumi asked.

“I’d be Togami!”

“Shut up, you’re not hot enough to be Togami.”

Oikawa looked at (Y/N), horrified. He nudged Iwaizumi to the side, forcing the

shorter boy to share half his desk chair. Bracing his forearms on the desk, he asked, “(Y/N)-chan, that’s what you like? The nerdy asshole type is what gets you?”

“Byakuya is a fine anime boy, change my mind,” (Y/N) said, crossing her arms.

“That doesn’t answer my question!”

Iwaizumi nodded along, “Yeah, that’s fair.”

“Iwa-chan!”

“Oikawa, gives me strong Monobear vibes,” she added.

“I see it,” Iwaizumi agreed.

As the classroom filled up, (Y/N) was getting more and more uneasy. Lately, Oikawa hung around her and Iwaizumi’s desks to chat and hang out before class started. During lunch, the three of them sat in the classroom together and watched anime on (Y/N)’s phone. Ya girl had Runchykroll Premium like a bad bitch, she doesn’t go with the standard membership. She doesn’t speak broke.

Today, though, it felt like people kept looking at her. She was used to getting side-eye at her old school, but it was weird to be getting it at a new school where she hadn’t done anything to draw attention to herself. At least, as far as she knew.

She noticed some girls off to her left openly staring at her, she raised a questioning eyebrow, to which they quickly turned away and frantically whispered among themselves.

“I, uh,” (Y/N) mumbled, “I’m gonna go pee.”

“Have fun,” Iwaizumi deadpanned.

“Uh huh.”

(Y/N) got up out of her seat, uncomfortably aware of the eyes watching her every move. Even walking down the hallway, groups of students stopped their conversations to gawk at her.

When she finally made it to the bathroom, she let out a soft sigh of relief.

‘Well, that was weird,’ she thought.

She turned the sink to its coldest setting, leaning forward to splash some on her face. Behind her, she heard the bathroom door open behind her, though she thought nothing of it.

Straightening up, she saw three girls in the mirror, glaring back at her. The four of them stared at each other for a bit, waiting for the other to say something.

‘Dammit, I’m in a kdrama and I’m a poor laundry girl and these are my bullies and I’m gonna have to get with some rich asshole with a bad perm,’ (Y/N) wanted to cry in frustration.

Just one day. Couldn’t she get just one day where people minded their own business instead of getting all up in hers?

(Y/N) turned around to face the group, faking a smile and moving to shuffle past them. The bigger girl on the side shoved her backwards, making her stumble a little.

“What’s your problem?” she asked, annoyed.

“What’s your relationship with Oikawa-san?” the one on the left demanded.

‘Oh boy, I really am in a kdrama. Or a teen movie. Do I have to be the Lindsay Lohan of this movie? Wait, no, I wanna be Regina George. Wait, shit, she gets hit by a bus. Ooh, actually, maybe I do wanna be Regina George.’

“Nonexistent, I guess?” (Y/N) shrugged, “I’m gonna go.”

“Not so fast!” the one in the middle said. She seemed to be the leader, with natural-looking dyed red hair, though you could see the brown roots beginning to grow out. Trifling Bitch had a slim figure, and stood taller than (Y/N) herself.

“We’re not done talking to you,” Bad Dyejob Regina George glowered.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes. After everything that happened at her old school, her bullshit tolerance had gone up. The thing was, she was getting her first weeks of peace in a long time, and she’d be damned if she loses it because of Oikawa and his fangirls.

She pursed her lips, “Yeah, well, I’m done talking to you, so I’m gonna walk out of here, and you’re gonna make it easy for me to leave.”

Making her way towards the door, she maintained eye contact with the giantess on the right, daring her to touch her again.

“Don’t think you and Oikawa-san are on the same level just because he took the train home with you,” Annoying Beanpole called after her.

‘How would she--?’ the train is usually empty around the time she and Oikawa are on it, ‘Except…’ She remembered those two girls wearing the same uniform as her. Glances were typical, when she was with Oikawa, but in hindsight, those two were looking over much more than the average fangirl.

‘Of fucking course.’

“We’re just here to warn you that you’re not worth his time,” Completely Irrelevant finished, smiling as if she’d won.

“Whatever makes your life better, girlfriend,” (Y/N) dismissed.

Getting-On-Her-Last-Nerve put her hands on her hips, “I’m serious! Stay away from Oikawa-san, or else!”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, “I’m shaking.”

With that, she shoved past them and stalked through the door.

No way. No way she was doing this again. Things had gotten so bad at her old school, she got shipped off into the next prefecture just so she could make it through the year. There was no way in hell that she’d go through that again so she can hang out with Oikawa.

Whenever she had the time, she could study with Wakatoshi, or she could spend time with Iwaizumi when Oikawa wasn’t around. Either way, she wasn’t about to sacrifice her peace for anyone. Not even him.

Sliding back into her seat, she caught the tail end of their conversation, “--can’t today. My grandmother has grocery shopping to do, and I always go with her.”

“You’re everyone’s dream grandson, aren’t you, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa turned to her, “Come get food with me after practice?”

After what just happened in the bathroom, (Y/N) was inclined to say no, but those big doe eyes and enthusiastic smile were making it difficult.

‘Crap. You’re gonna make me fall for you, and you won’t even feel sorry for it, will you?’

“You’re not coming, Hajime?”

The tanned boy shook his head, “Not today. My grandmother needs me to carry the groceries.”

“M’kay, we can get breakfast in the morning, if you’re free?” she offered.

The two boys in front of her gave their agreements.

“But you’ll still get food with me today, right?”

“We’re already getting breakfast in the morning, why do you--”

“But I’m craving milkshakes now,” he whined.

(Y/N) frowned, “I thought you were lactose intolerant?”

“I am, but I’m not a weak bitch. Also, ever heard of lactose pills?”

Iwaizumi facepalmed. (Y/N) sighed, wondering how she ended up associated with this type of person.

‘Oh my god, I can’t believe this boy,’ she thought. Then she remembered that little exchange in the bathroom, and how those three girls were completely happy ordering her around. Backing down, acting like she never met Oikawa, it would be easy on her, sure. She stole a glance at him and his big, dumb smile and his stupid brown curls. (Y/N) thought about how nice it was to have him and Iwaizumi as friends and how happy going home from school with Oikawa made her.

‘Fuck it. Fuck you and your mean girl stereotype and the fact that you think you can order me around. I know what my own personal hell looks like. I’ve been there. So now? I’m going to do whatever I want, whether you like it or not.’

“Alright, fine,” she sighed while Oikawa cheered in victory.

“I hope you know what you’re getting into with him,” Iwaizumi said.

(Y/N) sighed, “I hope so too.”

~~

“Wouldn’t Hajime look good with a nose piercing?” (Y/N) asked absentmindedly.

Oikawa took a long sip of his milkshake, leaning back in the booth.

“Yes, but you know what would look even better? A lip piercing.”

(Y/N) gaped at him, “I’d be gone. That would kill me.”

“Tell me about it. I’m handsome and everything, but dear god, Iwa-chan is something else.”

“I get why you have a fanclub, but why the hell doesn’t Hajime have one? That boy is a work of art. And he uses those arms to help his grandmother! Tell me that’s not prime boyfriend material!”

“No doubt, no doubt. Maybe it’s because I’m flashier than he is? I mean, I interact with my fans. When girls come up to Iwa-chan, he just thanks them and leaves.”

“F’s in the chat.”

“F.”

Considering she had just moved to Miyagi, she didn’t know any good hang out spots. The diner Oikawa brought her to was very American 50’s style with its neon signs and leather booths. It was cute. She never saw anything like this back home. But despite how fun it was just hanging out with Oikawa like this, the conversation from earlier still lingered in (Y/N)’s mind. Curiosity having gotten the better of her, she asked him,

“Do you know a redhead girl? Tall, greenish eyes, hangs out with two other girls, one of which looks like she could snap your neck with one hand?”

“Sounds like Tachibana Akari. Why? Are they bothering you?” Oikawa asked seriously.

(Y/N) waved her hands in front of her.

“No, no, nothing like that. I just… I dunno, I was curious.”

He quirked an eyebrow, “I feel like you’re lying to me.”

“Good, because I am,” (Y/N) sighed, “Do I have to tell you?”

“I can’t make you do anything, obviously, but I’m your friend, and it’d be nice if you opened up to me about these things.”

The shorter girl gave him a dirty look, “That was weirdly honest.”

Oikawa shrugged, “Well?”

(Y/N) stirred her milkshake, “They’re just being kinda petty, is all. Your fangirls get

a little possessive, is all.”

(Y/N) tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal. The whole thing with what's-her-face

itself wasn’t, but if hanging out with Oikawa was gonna get her bullied, (Y/N) was having a hard time deciding if it was worth it.

“Yeah, they get like that sometimes. They mean well, it’s just...” he trailed off.

“Bitches be cray?” she offered. Oikawa nearly choked on his drink. His clenched fist came up towards his mouth, trying to stifle his giggles.

‘Ugh, he’s adorable. Gross.’

“Maybe a little… But they’re not gonna do anything to you. I think.”

“You think?”

“Yes, (Y/N), I think. I’m not a mind reader.”

“Whatever.” (Y/N) swatted at the hand creeping towards her fries, “It’s not a big deal. I was just curious, I guess-- Hey, fuck off, you have your own fries.”

“You got curly fries! How are you not gonna share?”

“Come near my fries again, and I will end you,” she threatened. The glare in her eyes gave Oikawa a clear warning that she was not playing around. This bitch will end you if you come near them fries.

The teens stared at each other intensely, the look in their eyes challenging the other. For Oikawa, two things could happen if he goes for the fries.

One, she ends his ass and he can have curly fries in the afterlife. (Y/N) goes to jail for his murder, but the jury finds out her motive and they say, ‘Oh yeah, that’s fair,’ and she ends up with 3 months community service instead.

Two, his prayers are answered and she soft enough for him by now and lets him take them.

Honestly, even he wasn’t going to take those odds. He settled down and picked at his own regular fries.

“This is just my opinion, but if I were you, I’d do the opposite of what they want me to do.”

“So you think I should hang out with you more?” she asked.

Oikawa waved a fry around as he spoke, “Yeah. Out of spite.” He took one of her fries while she was distracted, “But it also shows that you don’t care about what they want you to do.”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, “That’s what you’d do cause you’re a petty bitch.”

“Yeah, but maybe petty’s the way to go.”

She stopped to think about it for a moment. When she transferred to Seijoh, she planned to let any kind of drama roll off her back, like Wakatoshi advised her to. The problem was, that just wasn’t her.

Oikawa started talking about some dumb thing Makki and Mattsun did that got them in trouble with the captain. (Y/N) hardly noticed as she watched those soft lips move around his words. Did he use a lip scrub? He totally would. That boy probably bought the latest Cactha one, preordered.

‘You know what? Maybe I will do the opposite of what they want me to do. Stay away from him? So I’ll…’

Before common sense could kick in, she shoved their food to the side. While Oikawa was busy being confused, she grabbed him by his Aoba Johsai VBC jacket and yanked him towards her.

Just inches away from him, she asked, “Yes or no?”

Oikawa wished he could have recovered from his confusion sooner, but all he could really do was nod his head yes.

She tilted her head, leaned forward, and pressed her lips to his. They were just as soft as they looked.

The tall boy sighed into the kiss. He was just about to cup her cheek before she pulled away out of breath. At the loss of her lips, Oikawa whined in displeasure.

(Y/N) stopped halfway out of her seat, “Did you just whine?”

“No?”

She smirked evilly, “Oh, this will be fun.”

Oikawa found himself being dragged by the wrist out the door. When he invited (Y/N) out, he wasn’t expecting this outcome, but damn if he wasn’t grateful.

“My parents are out of town on an overnight trip,” he said simply. The girl in front of him nodded, getting the hint.

Once inside his house, (Y/N) was on him again. She threw her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. Long fingers dug into her hips to keep him grounded. Eventually, though, he had to pull back for air.

“So,” he panted, “Is this how you’re getting back at Tachibana?”

She tugged at the hem of his shirt, urging him to take it off, “Yep. Is that okay with you?”

“Uh, yeah,” he slipped his fingers under her shirt, “Maybe a little more than okay.”

Oikawa sat her down on the bed. As he loomed above her, (Y/N) snickered.

“Cute,” she said sarcastically.

The much bigger boy above her yelped as she slammed him down on his bed. (Y/N) straddled his hips. Her smaller hands ran over the outline of his abs.

Oikawa looked like he wanted to protest. His large hands gripped her thighs.

“Please,” he whispered.

(Y/N) put her hand to her chin and pretended to think.

“Hmm. Please what?”

He looked stressed, “Please, (Y/N)-chan?”

She smiled, “Since you asked so nicely, I’ll allow it.”

Unbuttoning her already horribly rumpled shirt, she sat against the headboard and spread her legs. Oikawa all but lunged at her, his curly brown locks disappearing under her uniform skirt. Her hands found purchase in those locks and he had to clamp her inner thighs with his strong hands to keep her from crushing his skull.

“Oikaw-- Ahhh!” she squealed when he made contact. He smirked against her center. One elegant finger looped around her panties.

“Can I take these off?” he asked.

(Y/N) glared down at him over the one hand covering her mouth.

“Yes!”

“Alright, alright,” he giggled, “Itadakimasu~”

God, he was fucking insufferable.

(E/N): I pay for Runchykroll Premium in this group, and my wallet does little cries every month. Also any Danganronpa fans here?

- Admin Kiwi-Chan

(A/N): This took so long. I sorry. Words hard. Mango dead.

- Admin Mango-Chan

~~

Taglist: @cristaldoodleskies @br0kenskeleton

[beauzos]

Webkinz Games Ranked

Because I have nothing better to do and I’d never played all the Webkinz games before now.  Includes Tournament games and board games, but is mainly about the arcade.

Wheel of Wow/Deluxe and Wishing Well will not be ranked, but other Dailies will.

Also include Academy games.  I did not have Plumpy’s Hairdresser when I made this, but I do now upon this edit.

So in general the arcade games are sorted alphabetically, with random exceptions. I’m just going down the list as-is in the arcade.

Grand Grotto - one of the match three-esque games, though you mainly just click stuff.  A little tough, but I wasn’t trying very hard.  The graphics aren’t that thrilling but aren’t bad.  Tries to do something interesting things, but I don’t really love a lot of the Webkinz takes on match three games. 5/10.

Goody Gumdrops - an infinite running style game where you collect gumdrops to progress.  This game is not fun.  Feels like the flow of Kinzcash you get is also less compared to a lot of other games.  Not much going on after the first minute or so. 4/10.  EDIT: I was actually really mean to this game and I don’t know why.  I really like it now.  It’s fun, not too intensive.  Inoffensive and cute.  You actually do make decent KC from it.  7/10.

Polar Plunge - this was one of my favorite games when I was a kid.  You sled down a hill.  It’s simple.  I have never fucking completed a track of this game in my life.  Don’t like the new version, but the art style isn’t offensive.  I find the older art style for the games more charming, though.  It’s fun.  8/10.

Cash Cow - another game I probably played a lot, though I prefer 2.  Another take on the match three.  This game also had its art style updated, but I just don’t like the lineless look of the update.  It’s soulless, and it makes the visuals more busy and hard to follow for me.  All right game though.  7/10.

Smoothie Moves - this is basically just Zuma, which my dad loves playing.  I like this kind of game, too, though I suck at it.  Nice visuals, clean, fun gameplay.  8/10.

Wacky Zingoz - one of those games where you try to hit something as far as you can.  It’s so basic, it’s not really anything, and you can’t make much money on it-- like 10 Kinzcash is generous in terms of how much you make.  Not fun.  1/10.

Wacky Zingoz Extreme - the EXTREME version of Wacky Zingoz, except with more bats and more to do, but still not much.  An improvement.  3/10.

Ant Mania: Picnic 2 - the thrilling sequel to Picnic.  Not bad, I remember playing this one a lot.  You just try to collect food while avoiding spiders and fire ants.  It’s simple, but fun.  Not really my favorite though.  5/10.

Atlantiles - I don’t know how to describe this game.  You match tiles together, but it’s not like a match three.  Never played this game till now, but I love it.  Excellent game, really fun, a little challenging but not too hard.  10/10.

Bananza - a really basic, older game.  You collect bananas and avoid obstacles.  Not the most visually interesting or engaging game.  3/10.

Booger Gets an A - I get the impression this very basic addition game is for the youngest fans of Webkinz, but the games get difficult really fast simply because of the speed.  It caught me by surprise because I had no memory of that.  Not bad.  5/10.

Zingoz Bounce ‘N’ Burst - I remember really liking this game but it’s not very fun to play now.  You try to burst bouncing Zingoz and it’s not particularly interesting, but is challenging.  5/10.

Candy Bash - a brick breaker clone.  Not particularly fun-- it feels like your character is way too close to the bricks.  4/10.

Candy Bash 2: Viva Poncho - this one is about as equally unfun, but not the same game as the first.  You have more ability to move and control what’s going on, but you’re really slow.  You’re just sauntering back and forth to bust candy blocks falling, and it’s just kinda eh.  4/10.

Cash Cow 2 - I like this game.  I’ve played this game many times.  Another take on match three, but I enjoy it more than the original.  Solid game, good fun, I’m terrible at it.  7/10.

Color Storm - somehow wasn’t looking forward to this game but I had some fun with it.  Another kind of match three, but challenging and interesting.  A good take on the broad genre.  7/10.

Crafty Canaries - a match three.  Good fun to play, I played it to completion.  Not too much going on but it’s solid.  8/10.

Dashing Dolphin - the controls are slippery and awkward.  You’re trying to navigate through hoops and through nets, but it’s not fun to control or to play.  1/10.

Dogbeard’s Gold - expected something different from the title, but it’s fine.  The only control is clicking with good timing to shoot from one island to the next.  It’s all right.  Not much to write home about and not much Kinzcash to make up for it.  I liked the visuals.  4/10.

Eager Beaver’s Adventure Park - I don’t like spelling games.  This is a take on one, but I didn’t really enjoy it.  3/10.

Flutter Bugged - just running around and avoiding bees(?) using flowers.  Can get wild pretty fast, not bad.  5/10.

Get Eleven Solitaire - I fucking love Webkinz card games.  This is no exception.  The game is extremely simple and is pretty much the same every level, but I like it.  I like solitaire and I like the take on it to get to eleven.  It’s good, casual gameplay and nice visuals.  I bought a Deluxe membership to play this game.  10/10.

Go-Go Googles - I remember loving this one as a kid, might have even gotten the trophy for it.  Fun, but basic.  You jump to collect flowers and protect the tree from butterflies.  It’s fine, but the controls feel slightly janky, but not bad.  5/10.

Goober’s Atomic Adventure - basically an updated version of Goober’s Lab, except with pay-to-win and pay-to-play elements!  You can play without, but it’s clear they want you to pay.  I do not like this because of that.  0/10.

Goober’s Lab - the OG match three.  Fun, but it’s really slow, like painfully slow.  It is good fun, though.  7/10, would have been 8 without the slowness.

Griddling Gourmet - I wonder how many people have even unlocked this game?  After owning an account for 12 years and playing on and off, I unlocked this game this month.  You get it by completing all levels of the Cooking course, and it’s basically just an arcade version of that lesson.  It’s all right-- I feel like the academy version controls better, but I always loved the Cooking class.  9/10.

Hatch the Dragon - kinda reminds me of 2048?  You try to hatch the Dragon.  Fun, challenging, interesting, and I want to give it a go after the initial playthrough to see if I can do better.  8/10.

Skunk Sweeper: Hide ‘N’ Skunk -  a take on Minesweeper.  I don’t like Minesweeper or this.  1/10.

Home Before Dark - kinda like Meepit Juice Break on Neopets?  I actually do like games like where you’re shifting the position of pipes around to achieve something, but it’s nothing to write home about.  6/10.

Hoppy Little Rocketship - an infinite jumping kind of game.  I like those games, but this game is wildly laggy and that really ruins the experience.  2/10.

Hungry Hog - this game is ugly and not particularly fun.  A take on Pac-Man, I guess?  I liked this game a lot as a kid but it’s just kinda eh.  4/10.

Iceberg Escapades - not fun.  Controls don’t feel right.  Another bland clicking game.  1/10.

Jazz Monsters - this game confused me on account of the fact that the purple monster isn’t purple, but its color matches up perfectly with the keyboard, which is pink, but is actually like, supposed to be the Green Instrument or something.  Not fun.  1/10.

Jumbleberry Fields - it’s a daily, but you have some actual control over what’s going on so it’s included.  It’s Yahtzee except the dice are loaded, but I like it.  This game, like most of Webkinz, is buggy, and one time, I filled up my Jumbleberry Jar and tried to redeem my prize, but the game bugged out and it reset to zero with me receiving no prize.  I’m still mad.  Not really gonna rank it, but like, 7/10.

Jumbleberry Blast - a match three, but this one is really satisfying to play.  Not a whole lot to say about it, but I actually like this one!  8/10.

Leapin’ Llama - game allegedly lets you use the mouse but it doesn’t work.  A basic infinite running game.  Not fun.  Slow.  3/10.

Lily Padz - this game is fuck ugly, but controls good.  Really simple, but pretty fun.  The jumping feels good and the controls are actually tight!  Wow!  6/10.

Lily Padz 2: Tropical Downpourz - it’s like the first one except it’s not ugly and controls really bad.  Hard to gauge how far your jump goes and doesn’t feel right like the first one does.  Not good.  1/10.

Dex Dangerous(tm) and the Lunar Lugbotz!(tm) - the Webkinz challenges made me play this game 500 times and I’m sick of it.  It’s a basic Asteroids game.  It’s all right, but I don’t like it. 3/10.

Lunch Letters - a typing game.  Very Hard really means that mode is fucking hard, so I’m impressed.  I don’t love typing games, but it’s not bad.  5/10.

Ms. Cowaline’s Rollcall - a really fast-paced game where you try to keep track of whether you’ve seen the same Webkinz in a row.  Super fun, I suck at reaction games, but maybe a little too simple?  7/10.

Operation Gumball - I’m bad at this one, and don’t find the number puzzles super interesting, BUT it’s unique so I’ll give it points.  Not really for me but not bad.  6/10.

Pet Party Parade - another take on match three.  This idea of freeing a creature by clearing paths has been used a million times in these Webkinz match threes, like the Grotto one and Jumbleberry Blast. but isn’t as fun.  4/10.

Picnic - the original Picnic, just a take on the snake game.  Simple, but solid.  5/10.

Pinky’s Big Adventure - essentially a remake of Hungry Hog, but with a face lift and some slight changes to the gameplay.  Not bad.  Not my favorite, though, since I don’t really enjoy Pac-Man style games to begin with.  5/10.

Pizza Palace - delicious, finally some good fucking food.  Love this one.  In the vein of Cake Mania, a series I LOVE, you make pizzas.  It’s stressful, like working a food job in real life.  I love this game, but I’ve never completed it.  I wish they gave you more than one life for such a long and difficult game.  Can’t complain much, though.  10/10.

Plumpy’s Hairdresser - the arcade version of the Grooming class.  Fun.  Pretty much the same as always.  8/10.

Polarberry Jam - pretty much like Bananza except now it’s a polar bear?  It’s not fun.  Character is too slow and feels limiting.  1/10.

Pumpkin Patch Protector - fuck ugly, but I don’t know any other Webkinz games like it, so points for creativity?  It’s a click and shoot type of game.  Not much to write home about.  3/10.

Quizzy’s Word Challenge - I don’t like spelling games, but this is more fun than Eager Beaver’s.  Not bad.  It’s kind of like boggle, I guess?  5/10.

Skater Kat - hip and kewl.  The controls are okay but feel a little slow.  Not particularly fun or interesting.  You just skateboard and jump.  3/10.

Spree! - another daily, but you get to do stuff.  It’s a virtual board game.  I like it, and I like the idea of saving up money to spend one you get to the end.  8/10.

Stack ‘Em Up Solitaire - a basic take on Solitaire.  I wish the game looked just a little better- the green they used isn’t really nice to look at for long periods of times.  I like this one.  6/10.

Stardrops - another take on match three.  Looks pretty, kinda interesting, but not my favorite.  5/10.

Tile Towers - I love Mahjong, but the colors they use for the tiles make this game hard to play.  It’s hard to distinguish the tiles apart, so that’s not fun.  If you want to play a Mahjong clone on a pet site, just stick with Koujong on Neopets.  2/10.

Triple Strike Solitaire - Solitaire, except this time it’s in pyramids!!!  I actually prefer this to the other Solitaire, but it still is a little visually unpleasant, but not too bad.  I wish they would update this one!  8/10.

Banaza: Tropical Troubles - the thrilling sequel to the original.  Pretty much the same except you don’t progress in levels, it just keeps going till you lose.  A little more going on, but eh.  The platforming doesn’t feel good.  3/10.

Tulip Troubles 2 - where’s Tulip Troubles 1.  We want answers.  A quick reaction game.  Fun.  Not bad.  Kinda just gets stale after a while.  5/10.

Tunneling Twigsy - this is not fun.  Kind of like the Polar Bear one from Neopets but nowhere near as fun?  1/10.

Wacky’s Bullseye Batter - a batting game.  Basic, fun.  It’s okay.  5/10.

WackyER Zingoz - the THIRD version of Wacky Zingoz, and this one is actually pretty all right.  Way more going on visually, there’s levels, it’s chill.  6/10.

Waddell’s Icecap Adventure - we all hate ice physics, right?  Right.  Mixed the other Penguin game up with this.  The controls are bad and it’s not fun.  2/10.

Webkinz Rally - it’s all right?  A really basic racing game, but I wish there was more to it. 4/10.

Scrambled - love this one.  So simple, but challenging, but fun.  You make omelettes until you win.  Customers are mean to you like in real life.  10/10.

Where’s Wacky - basic memory matching game.  It’s okay. 3/10.

Whimsy Skies - idk how to describe and I don’t want to because it’s got the classic Control Slowness(tm) and isn’t fun.  One point added because I love Webkinz dragons, though.  2/10.

Zacky’s Quest - I want to actually complete this game some day but I have no patience for it.  It’s unique, interesting, kind of an actual game and isn’t a match three.  I like the adventure vibes. 6/10.

Zingoz Bounce - this game disappeared from my arcade.  It was the game of the day the other day and I know they get taken out of the arcade list for that day but when it switched over it didn’t come back and I didn’t have the chance to play it when it was game of the day.  Found it making this list though and it’s a boring clicking-to-support-the-ball game.  1/10.

Zingoz Pie - you throw pie.  You do not have fun. 2/10.

Zingoz Pop - another updated game visually and it just totally lose the charm the original version has-- which you can play in the Quick-Play Arena, at least.  It’s not much, though.  4/10.

Zingoz Zangoz - it’s not fun.  It’s a fruit bouncing game and I just don’t care for the visuals or the gameplay.  1/10.

TOURNAMENT GAMES

Webkinz Supermodelz - I’ll argue that this is the most popular tournament game.  I like it.  You pick out outfits and the judges arbitrarily judge you.  9/10.

Cash Cow Battles - the same as the original Cash Cow but you’re competing against someone else.  7/10.

Wacky Zingoz - no.  1/10.

Link’D - it’s Connect Four.  I like Connect Four.  5/10.

Checkers - I don’t like Checkers because I’m bad at it.  If I wanted to bad at that kind of game I’d play Chess JKSDBFSD.  Tried playing against the AI with Alyssa Fairy and she wiped the floor with me.  3/10.

Bogbeard’s Bathtub Battles - it’s Battleship but with cool power-ups.  Actually very fun.  9/10.

Rock Paper Scissors - what do you think.  5/10.

Chef Challenge - my favorite tourney game.  I LOVE making recipes in Webkinz so this is just a blast.  10/10.

Kinz Pinz Bowling - it’s virtual bowling, so not bad.  5/10.

Goober’s Atomicolicious - a take on Goober’s Lab but with a few more things-- trying to fill vials of color before your opponent does.  I already like Goober’s Lab, so.  This version is not slow, so that’s great.  8/10.

Duck Crossing - not a big fan?  I like that it’s a strategy game but it’s just okay.  6/10.

Zingoz Switcherooz - not a fan, really, but it’s simple and inoffensive.  I suck at strategy games.  4/10.

BOARD GAMES

Farming Frenzy - kinda fun, but really simple.  I remember liking this game a lot.  6/10.

Go Fish - wow.  it’s Go Fish.  5/10.

Jigsaw - love jigsaw games.  For some reason the ask/chat/rap functions pop up and make the game pretty much unplayable for me.  I’m so mad, because this was my favorite Webkinz board game.  WHY does this pop up when it’s a one player game.  1/10.  Would have been a 9/10 otherwise.

Pool - it’s Pool.  But it wouldn’t let me play, so idk.  I remember it being all right, though.  5/10.

Skunk Sweeper - it’s basically an original Minesweeper instead of what we get in the aracde version?  But I don’t like Minesweeper. 1/10.

Webkinz Air Hockey - it’s virtual air hockey.  It’s fun, though.  7/10.

Webkinz Coloring - it’s a virtual coloring book.  1/10.

[love-on-your-wrist]

Analyzing Social Climb (pt.1)

K, so after finally getting back home and having actual WIFI in here, i decided to watch social climb again in its entirety and express some of my thoughts and observations i guess? Anyways lets go

The video starts with a 10-Second long animation of the band´s logo, and directly moves over to the visuals of a fancy-looking house. Over it, there is a bit of text and a headline:

                           “the TELEFOUNDATION presents

                              THOUGHT REFORM

           &THE CORPORATE GUIDE TO SOCIAL RECONDITIONING”

Now, let´s try and analyse this :D

What is Telefoundation?

On the internet, i wasnt able to find any mentions of the word, let alone a definition of the word, so i assumed it was the name of a fictional firm in the iDKHOW universe  But, i was able to find a similar word, “early television foundation” and also a link to something else here: http://www.cftf.org.uk/ if you want to take a look at that. The first one tho, it is a museum “dedicated to the preservation of the technology from the early days of television.“, as directly quoted from their website.

Furthermore, the website says: “Our website's mission is to preserve and make available to the public the history of early television, from the mechanical systems of the 1920s through the introduction of color televsion in the 1950s.“

Aha, so that museum just showcases different TVs from around 1945, how´s that connected to social climb and idkhow? I dont have an idea, but we know that the mv for social climb is a brainwashing propaganda video from 1977, broadcasted over television.

What is Thought Reform?

thought reform is another word for brainwashing used by Robert Jay Lifton, one of the first phsychologists to study both brainwashing and mindcontrol. Lifton was a US-american phsychatrist and author in the 60s. 1970 he was accepted as a teacher at washington school of psychatry. Later, he released his books called “Home from the War: Vietnam Veterans. Neither Victims nor Executioners (1973), and The Nazi Doctors: Medical Killing and the Psychology of Genocide” (1986), of which the publishing years bring us near to the time in which the iDKHOW story takes place.

returning back to ´thought reform´, Lifton offered 8 steps/methods of manipulating minds. I have copied them off http://changingminds.org/techniques/conversion/lifton_thought_reform.htm  for anybody interested:

#1 Milieu control

All communication with outside world is limited, either being strictly filtered or completely cut off. Whether it is a monastery or a behind-closed-doors cult, isolation from the ideas, examples and distractions of the outside world turns the individuals attention to the only remaining form of stimulation, which is the ideology that is being inculcated in them.

This even works at the intrapersonal level, and individuals are discouraged from thinking incorrect thoughts, which may be termed evil, selfish, immoral and so on.

#2 Mystical manipulation

A part of the teaching is that the group has a higher purpose than others outside the group. This may be altruistic, such as saving the world or helping people in need. It may also be selfish, for example that group members will be saved when others outside the group will perish.

All things are then attributed and linked to this higher purpose. Coincidences (which actually may be deliberately engineered) are portrayed as symbolic events. Attention is given to the problems of out-group people and attributed to their not being in the group. Revelations are attributed to spiritual causes.

This association of events is used as evidence that the group truly is special and exclusive.

#3 Confession

Individuals are encouraged to confess past 'sins' (as defined by the group). This creates a tension between the person's actions and their stated belief that the action is bad, particularly if the statement is made publicly. The consistency principle thus leads the person to fully adopt the belief that the sin is bad and to distance themselves from repeating it.

Discussion of inner fears and anxieties, as well as confessing sins is exposing vulnerabilities and requires the person to place trust in the group and hence bond with them. When we bond with others, they become our friends, and we will tend to adopt their beliefs more easily.

This effect may be exaggerated with intense sessions where deep thoughts and feelings are regularly surfaced. This also has the effect of exhausting people, making them more open to suggestion.

#4 Self-sanctification through purity

Individuals are encouraged to constantly push towards an ultimate and unattainable perfection. This may be rewarded with promotion within the group to higher levels, for example by giving them a new status name (acolyte, traveller, master, etc.) or by giving them new authority within the group.

The unattainability of the ultimate perfection is used to induce guilt and show the person to be sinful and hence sustain the requirement for confession and obedience to those higher than them in the groups order of perfection.

Not being perfect may be seen as deserving of punishment, which may be meted out by the higher members of the group or even by the person themselves, who are taught that such atonement and self-flagellation is a valuable method of reaching higher levels of perfection.

#5 Aura of sacred science

The beliefs and regulations of the group are framed as perfect, absolute and non-negotiable. The dogma of the group is presented as scientifically correct or otherwise unquestionable.

Rules and processes are therefore to be followed without question, and any transgression is a sin and hence requires atonement or other forms of punishment, as does consideration of any alternative viewpoints.

#6 Loaded language

New words and language are created to explain the new and profound meanings that have been discovered. Existing words are also hijacked and given new and different meaning.

This is particularly effective due to the way we think a lot though language. The consequence of this is that the person who controls the meaning of words also controls how people think. In this way, black-and-white thinking is embedded in the language, such that wrong-doers are framed as terrible and evil, whilst those who do right (as defined by the group) are perfect and marvellous.

The meaning of words are kept hidden both from the outside world, giving a sense of exclusivity. The meaning of special words may also be revealed in careful illuminatory rituals, where people who are being elevated within the order are given the power of understanding this new language.

#7 Doctrine over person

The importance of the group is elevated over the importance of the individual in all ways. Along with this comes the importance of the the group's ideas and rules over personal beliefs and values.

Past experiences, beliefs and values can all thus be cast as being invalid if they conflict with group rules. In fact this conflict can be used as a reason for confession of sins. Likewise, the beliefs, values and words of those outside the group are equally invalid.

#8 Dispensed existence

There is a very sharp line between the group and the outside world. Insiders are to be saved and elevated, whilst outsiders are doomed to failure and loss (which may be eternal).

Who is an outsider or insider is chosen by the group. Thus, any person within the group may be damned at any time. There are no rights of membership except, perhaps, for the leader.

People who leave the group are singled out as particularly evil, weak, lost or otherwise to be despised or pitied. Rather than being ignored or hidden, they are used as examples of how anyone who leaves will be looked down upon and publicly denigrated.

People thus have a constant fear of being cast out, and consequently work hard to be accepted and not be ejected from the group. Outsiders who try to persuade the person to leave are doubly feared.

Dispensation also goes into all aspects of living within the group. Any and all aspects of existence within the group is subject to scrutiny and control. There is no privacy and, ultimately, no free will.

Most of these methods are intigrated into the social climb music video, showing an elite, almost cult-like group of people most liekly cut off of the rest of the world, etc. i think #3 could also be a reference to the song “modern day cain” by iDKHOW, of which (for example) the pre-chorus is:

“So now you've done a little wrong And you need to be forgiven By the Vicar and the company you keep And then you conjure up a fiction To get the pretty girl to listen“

and also the main chorus that is:

“This is the sin That I will confess to release myself From consequence And everyone can tell“

in which method #3: Confession is mentioned directly. (Oh boi, i think we gettin to the point now, but after 2 hours just straight out researching and writing the first two explanations/theories i kinda dont know how to formulate the next section. i´ll take a short break.)

What is Social Reconditioning?

As i did my research on the internet, the term “social conditioning” seemed to have appeared way more often in results, and doesn´t seem to differ that heavily from social reconditioning, so let me explain it first. Social conditioning is  the definition of training someone to behave in a manner that is generally approved from society and/or peer groups in society. “Manifestations of social conditioning are vast, but they are generally categorized as social patterns and social structures including nationalism, education, employment, entertainment, popular culture, religion, spirituality and family life. The social structure in which an individual finds him or herself influences and can determine their social actions and responses. “ (Wikipedia)

So now that we´ve got that figured out, what would Social Reconditioning mean? I myself would explain it as having to adjust from one specific social pattern/structure to another. an example i provide is a soldier coming back home from the war and having to adjust into the general city-life from the strict life in an army. The “corporate guide to social reconditioning” is most likely to be a book in the iDKHOW universe abouthow to fit into a generally acepted form of society again. But what other social structure, or rather group of people is it, that one has to recover from?

 This is what i think is worth mentioning in this wikipedia article:

“Propaganda.

Edward Bernays, Freud's nephew and the father of propaganda and public relations, used many of his uncle's theories in order to create new methods in marketing. In Propaganda, he published that "If we understand the mechanism and motives of the group mind, it is now possible to control and regiment the masses according to our will without them knowing it".[4] He used the herd theory in order to create public relations, thus conditioning the public to need particular goods from certain manufacturers. In the same publication he stated, "A single factory, potentially capable of supplying a whole continent with its particular product, cannot afford to wait until the public asks for its product; it must maintain constant touch, through advertising and propaganda, with the vast public in order to assure itself the continuous demand which alone will make its costly plant profitable."[4] His theories and applications in social conditioning continue throughout his work. “

In Summary/Conclusion

Social climb is a propaganda/brainwash video

It is from the late 70s (1977 to be exact)

The band iDKHOW is in it, joined by Whiteshadow (the white skull person with the mask), possibly meaning that Bamd has time-traveled into 1977

Social climb is very likely to be referencing Modern Day Cain, and probably MDCs music video

The propagande video might be advertising or warning the public about a cult-like group of elite people

Which are a Illuminati-like organization, if not Illuminati itself

speaking from scenes like the one at 1:19, where the Pattern on the table undoubtedly is a pyramid with an eye in the middle, having the letter i,d,k,h,b,t,f and m in each rectangle in the first row

if i get any more stuff facts about the actual video into this i might as well make a second part out of this

[irvinenewshq]

Why the NTEU ought to cease taking political positions

Unions have a proper to specific political views on international issues. However because the union of opinion-havers, the NTEU must be an exception. (Picture: Zennie/Personal Media) Everybody is aware of that Monty Python’s Lifetime of Brian is actually concerning the British left within the late Seventies (“Peoples Entrance of Judaea”https://www.crikey.com.au/”splitters!”https://www.crikey.com.au/”What have the Romans ever achieved for us?”), however few realise that Monty Python and the Holy Grail is concerning the British left within the early Seventies — and the failure of the wave of strikes on the time to roll on right into a revolutionary scenario. Within the ultimate scene, as Arthur is prancing about, the entire historical past is became cosplay when a cop automobile roars into the scene and thug Met cops bounce out and shut the entire movie down, with a hand going over the digital camera and an “alright, that is sufficient”. That is just about how I really feel concerning the NTEU, typically. The tertiary lecturers union does very important work, beneath robust situations, on the very actual matter of what kind of lives data employees of a sure kind may have: are folks going to be provided respectable jobs, with safety, or is their love of a self-discipline and scholarship going to be exploited to squeeze each final signifier out of them?  And but, the political cosplay of historic battles, in a deadly new surroundings, by no means absolutely goes away. The union’s management and energetic membership are to this point to the left that its previous guard — accused (unfairly in my opinion) of complacency and siding with the college institution — are a mixture of ex-Trotskyists and normal leftists. Had been they to show up for an SDA election, they’d kinda simply be arrested or one thing, immediately. Their opponents within the latest elections, who’ve urged that informal lecturers are getting a uncooked serve from the offers made within the COVID interval, are a mixture of new Trots, leftists and different way of life lovers. Learn extra concerning the NTEU’s decision on Palestine and Israel. Already a subscriber? Log in to maintain studying. Or, register your e mail tackle for a FREE 21-day trial. Originally published at Irvine News HQ

[justmickeyfornow]

Ok so... I'm not rich but I'm not poor either. I have a comfortable life. Always had food on my plate, etc. I'm gay and it's a "secret" (my family doesn't know) And today, I woke up depressed. Almost 2 years ago someone broke my heart when they dumped me and it made me go into a depression spiral that just got me crazy and made me want to kill myself. Every now and then I think of them, check their social media etc and this morning I woke up feeling alone and lonely. And I just don't know :(

Not sure if I’m the best person to give advice out there, but I guess I could give it a try :)

Here’s what mostly works for me. The magic fix to all of this is just to fill your time. It worked for me and maybe it’ll work for you too. Don’t let yourself have the privilege of too much free time. Because that's your biggest enemy. The more free time you have, the more you’ll be thinking and overthinking shit. You’re either studying or you have a job right? Well the rest of those hours in the day try to fill them. Work on a project. Go to the gym. Hang out with some people. Read a book. Read Fanfiction!! Learn chess. Learn how to code (this is what I’m trying to do lately. So far, it’s fun! You should try it).

Actually the gym thing might be one of the most things that was able to keep my mind off of all the scary stuff. It’s the reason I started going to begin with. I had a lot on my mind, I was going a bit crazy and I hated sitting there and thinking about it at home. So I went for a jog and it took my mind off of it a bit. Next thing I knew, I was signing for a gym membership and going everyday ever since. It’s a huge stress reliever. Even if you’re not the type to go, do it anyway. I even pushed myself so far that I got one of those expensive memberships (That I really really couldn’t afford) just so that I would guilt myself into going everyday. And so far, I haven’t thought about that incident that shall not be talked about (scary harry potter style voice) in a long while (crap, I just thought about it now.....).

Do something that you’re good at and that you love. You’re good at drawing? Go fucking draw your heart out! Writing? Write stories until the end of time. Dancing? Singing? Playing a musical instrument? Whatever it is, do it. And there’s no such thing as “I’m not really good at anything”. So I better not hear you saying that. There’s always something that you’re really good at. Not perfect. Just good. Because if you’re just good at something, then eventually you’ll want to make it better and better until you get as close to perfect as possible. I had a friend once that lived her whole life with the notion that she wasn’t good at anything. She’s 23 and last year me and her found out - accidentally - that she can do math in her head in lightning speed. I randomly asked her what’s 12x32 and she did it in her head in less than two minutes, no pen no paper. And she was just as surprised as I was. She apparently thought everybody could do that (God knows I can’t!). So find something you’re good at and fill your time with it. I always complain about writing for Paranoia Incarnated, but the truth is it takes my mind off of the billion things that I’d rather not think about.

Social media. There's absolutely nothing wrong with cutting off from social media. Sit down and really think about it: When you browse through a certain social media account/page/thingy (I don’t even know what’s it called? I’m not really good at that stuff), what do you normally feel? Is it depression? Numbness? Endless scrolling of nothing? Jealousy? Then just delete it. It's so easy to delete an account its crazy that not more people do it. If you feel happy. You read things that make you smile. You rant about characters you like. Squeal at drawings someone drew. Smile at a cat picture. Then keep it.

As for being tempted to check up on that person that hurt you. Now, I personally believe in the opposite of Exposure therapy (concealment therapy?). If something bothers me or tends to stir up negative feelings in me, then I just make it disappear as best as I can. If it's a real person, I avoid them. If it's someone online then I block them. If it's someone I'm following, then I just unfollow them. If it's a situation, then I make sure I’m never put in a similar situation again. Yes, I know, not really a healthy thing to do. But, again, I’m a crazy person and healthy is not really something I’m very good at. So, if you really wanna go down my slippery slope, then just either unfollow or block the URL that takes you to her page. It’ll give you some peace of mind. Whenever you’re tempted to check up on her, then just get up and do something else. Open up Paranoia Incarnated and read the fluffy happy moments! There’s an idea! (Suggestions from PI? The pancakes for dinner conversation. Two penguins getting married at the zoo. Kara taking a nap for the first time in Lena’s office which is also the first time she tells Lena she’s beautiful. Leia’s chapter! The famous scotch cookies (I love this chapter!) and last but definitely not least because I was laughing my ass off while writing it: Lena trying to tap her head and rub her stomach and failing miserably!)

Now, let’s talk music. Choose one song that calms you down. Think of one song or one singer that every time you hear, you feel your mind drift from what you were doing just to properly listen to that song. Choose one singer whose voice can literally stop you from having a panic attack. Now, convince yourself that once you hear that song/singer that you'll be alright. I swear to God it works. If it didn't work for me I wouldn't recommend it. But it works for me.

Eden is that singer for me. I have a few songs for him that if I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack or any sort of scary nervous breakdown, I can put on my headphones and just play one of his songs and it’s like I could breathe again. If you’re interested in Eden, let me know and I’ll recommend which songs you should listen to first.

(Also, here’s a link to the Paranoia Incarnated Spotify playlist. There’re some songs on there that might help too.)

Speaking of music, your ask actually reminded me of this song that I adore. Put some headphones, close your eyes and listen to it. I have a feeling it might help ya out!

As for suicide. The only reason you're thinking about it is because you're keeping it as an option. I'm a practical person. I like to keep things practical. And simply not having suicide as an option can change your whole mindset.

Think of it like a bridge with water underneath it that you have to cross. This bridge is long and old and rusty and just slowly falling apart. But you have to get across no matter what. The water underneath is calm so it’s possible to swim there but it would still be hard. Both options are difficult but still both are possible. The third option is simple. Easy. You could just fly to the other side. Except you can’t. Because it’s impossible. It’s not an option. So you don’t think about it when you’re faced with the situation of crossing the bridge. Therefore you’re left with the other two options: cross the bridge on foot, even though you might fall down and get hurt. Or swim there, even though it would be extremely tiring and exhausting and time consuming and just plain difficult. But in the end you don’t have the option of flying.

Same goes with suicide. Don’t keep it as an option in your life, and you won’t think of it. Pretend that it’s impossible to suicide. Pretend that it just doesn’t exist. You do that, and I guarantee you won’t think about it as much.

There's no such thing as a permanent problem. Keep that in mind. Whatever you're feelings are towards this girl now, chances are they're gonna change in a couple of years.

I know you don't wanna hear this, but the truth is you're probably gonna go through so much worse to a point that this problem would seem like a walk in the park. And if you've really grown, you wouldn't think of suicide then either. Because you'd realize that you got over that first problem that once upon a time seemed like the worst thing you could go through. You actually got over it. You survived it. And you'll smile and think that you'll get over this too.

There’s also nothing wrong with feeling lonely. I wish I had a fix for you, but I still haven’t figured that one out yet. I tend to just ignore it (I’m starting to realize I live life by simply ignoring many many things. Maybe not the healthiest thing in the world....) As soon as I feel myself drowning in that feeling I simply get up. Do something. Anything. Go do the dishes. Hell, I sometimes get down and do 20 pushups to get my mind off of it (That usually works, seeing that once I reach 12 pushups I’m practically dead). Actually the pushups thing also acts as a sort of response treatment. Your mind will slowly realize that everytime it feels negative feelings you start torturing it with pushups and it stops pushing negative feelings towards you. Does that make any sense? I feel like that might not be the healthiest option. Maybe consult an expert? I dunno. I sometimes do it and it helps me, but I’m just a crazy person so I what do I know.

Other random things that I’ve done that were extremely helpful in changing my mindset:

1. Drink fruit water! Yup! I know it sounds ridiculous, but it kinda works. Grab one of those big water bottles that you take with you to the gym. Cut up a lemon (I prefer half a lemon), an orange, a cucumber, and some mint. Stuff them in there and fill it with water. It actually tastes pretty good. And it washes away the toxins in your body.

2. Dark chocolate! Not only is it healthy, but it releases dopamine (the little beautiful trigger in your brain that makes you happy) and increases your serotonin levels (the little beautiful trigger in your brain that makes you calm).

3. DRINK TEA!! I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH HAPPIER IT MAKES YOU. IT’S PERFECT. IT’S GORGEOUS. IT’S TASTY. IT’S JUST..... *SIGH*

4. Buy a bulletin board. Put it up in your room and go crazy with it. Pin up your goals. Projects. Your resolutions. Whatever it is. Make sure it’s on that board so you could see it every single day.

5. Smile a lot.

I dunno if any of this is helpful. But most of this stuff worked for me so I’m hoping it’ll work for you. Just read a lot of fanfiction, spice up your life with some smutty ones too and you’ll soon forget about that girl.

[writingonjorvik]

Can We Discuss Why Reducing the Price Will Help the Game?

Don’t get me wrong. I get there is a business to funding SSO. The whole thing must cost millions to produce, in euros and in USD. I don’t want anyone to take a pay cut to get SSO out. And it’s not like I stand to gain any discounts from saying this, I got Lifetime for $50 when it was still the annual membership price. However, with the current pricing scale, the dev team isn’t really keeping up with their competition. That’s bad for the game overall, and if the devs can’t turn a profit in a year then there’s no game. As such, let’s discuss.

I will acknowledge a few things. One, the dev team keeps the lights on and they are expanding the company. I am not one to say that the game is failing. But it’s also not making a profit. It is increasing its size enough to expand, but it’s also keeping its gains about equal to its losses. That’s not bad, that’s most indie companies, so this is a plus overall. Two, SSO’s membership does reward members with Star Coins each week which is, complicated. Because while that is a service that may take away from sales over all on their micro-transaction front, there’s also no production cost on a Star Coin. There’s no work lost on that service as it’s an entirely computer generated good, no employee involved. But it is an overall plus for the company.

That said, some of SSO’s prices are way out of line when compared to their competition. To start, let’s look at a few other popular MMOs. Here is a list of some of the most popular MMOs and their membership prices. SSO’s monthly payments are about average, if not a little lower, with most MMOs at $8.50, but the issue with monthly payments is convincing people to keep paying. Buy-to-play and one time purchases are much more appealing model to most players because it’s the most financially responsible decision, and most MMOs with membership options have much larger free to play sections with membership just having some added benefits for show and level gain. So with SSO’s limited demo area where it’s much harder to get a sense of the game compared to the wider demo sections or completely full free versions of some MMOs, SSO might be a little harder to sink $8.50 monthly, and definitely is a hard sell for $75. Why spend that on a relatively indie game when you could sink your money on a more established MMO with about the same deals?

Now, that’s not an entirely fair comparison. SSO has a niche market it’s playing to. That’s fair. SSO is one of the few fully open world horse centric MMOs out there. Again, credit where credit is do. But again, let’s have a price comparison to some other popular horse MMOs and online games. Alicia Online, free with micro transactions to be added. Little trickier to get because of the wonky install, but free. Riding Out, in beta, but it’s only $20 and on Steam. Riding Club Championships, free. Horse Isle, both of them, free. Ostwind, $15. Any number of browser based games like Howrse, White Oak, Pony Isle, so on, all free with micro transactions. And this is all before we start getting into just horse games, to which there are numerous for cheaper one time purchases, the highest being about $30 based on age and active bidding. SSO and its franchise are about the only exceptions to this, with the old CD-ROMs being about $40 a piece on average.

No part of this is saying that SSO isn’t worth the price. To me, it always has been. But I fit the market and have the funds to afford it. I am a minority in that statistic. What I’m saying, with SSO’s competition in and out of this niche, they don’t hold a candle. Why pay SSO for what you can get basically get for free somewhere else? Sure you lose 3D graphics and some of the open world nature, but for free? Most people would settle those loses and chose the free option. In fact, most people do. Howrse is still way more popular than SSO. In particular, most parents would settle. And I know this from experience. No only can I personally not get any of my friends to try SSO because of the price, but I can see first hand these prices being more than most parents can afford. 

I work at the Boys & Girls Club of America. For those of you who don’t know, it’s an organization that provides opportunities for kids in families that aren’t doing great financially. It’s kinda like a cross between a daycare-like service and Scouts. And at my club, I’m the nerdy teacher. I know about video games. A lot of girls at my club play SSO, or played. When they found out I play too, the first thing they asked was how many horses I had. How many regions of the map I had unlocked. It was 60-ish at the time, and all. They nearly lost it when I told them I had all, at the time, six of the color changing horses and Spirit. Absolutely thrilled. But when I asked them how many they had and how far they had gotten, most of them said they had their starter and could only play for free. And that they couldn’t play anymore. Their parents couldn’t afford membership and so they gave up on the game.

Look I get pulling this statistic is kinda a low move, but I think it’s fair. Mostly because it’s not just kids at Club, and also because the families who come to Club buy other video games, cheaper video games. Kids I used to babysit had their parents say the same thing, and those families were well off. So for families of all income brackets, SSO’s prices are too high to consider when there are cheaper options. SSO has potential customers who would love to play their game, but their prices, in particular the most financially reasonable price of Lifetime, makes the game unobtainable for new fans. It gates the game off to the super fans who have the means to afford the game, and thus SSO develops its own echo chamber financially. SSO is funded by its whales. Its numbers are largely stagnant, and it’s not going to expand. The average family simply can’t afford it.

I’m not suggesting SSO wildly changes its prices. No, not at all. Mostly I’m just suggesting that the purchase of lifetime drops to $30-$50 USD, the average price of an indie game. It’s more expensive than most horse games, but it’s lower than most modern games and MMOs. It’s a nice balance between niche competition without selling SSO’s devs short. They are making a quality game, and they deserve to make money. But the devs need to be reasonable with where that price point is for most families with young kids. Further, SSO needs to have standardized payments for Star Coins. The fact that the prices are different on the Friends app compared to on the website is confusing and weird.

To compensate for lower prices, the dev team could instead offer more low priced digital goods. For one, there are dozens of hard core fans and old fans of those games who would buy digital downloads of the old CD-ROM games, since according to everything we know, SSO owns all the rights to those and they should be able to rerelease them. Not to mention that generates money for the devs instead of only online auctions holding those funds. Also, a $10 game or a $30 bundle of four is an awesome deal. It would certainly make SSO more interesting to have access to all of previous entries, and finally add a unique option to their gift store.

More seriously though, the dev team needs to change the prices on Star Coins. The prices are abusively high. I’ve said several times, but SSO’s current prices abuse people with whale tendencies, people who psychologically and biologically have the need to spend that kind of money on prestige items. I said this before with my silver fox comments, and perhaps I should have clarified it better. SSO does not have a pay to win or gambling situation, but the mentalities that come in to play when talking about whales is very, very similar to how casinos abuse people with gambling addictions. There was a Game Theory about this recently, or if you want a less nerdy source, look at Adam Ruins Everything’s episode on vacations and his comments on slot machines. Or, here’s Extra Credits on whales and this exact topic. 

To clarify the difference though, imagine a loot box system with 30 prizes in it. You can buy individual tickets for $10 and randomly get a prize, or just buy all 30 for $270. Someone with a gambling addiction would individually go through buying one or two at a time until they got the prize they wanted. Someone with whale tendencies would buy the whole pack. But both come from hormonal imbalances that give these people higher endorphin releases for doing so, and both end up spending unhealthy amounts of money in the end. SSO generates situations of the latter.

It was very easy for a lot of people on the silver fox controversy to say, “Well, I have self control, so others must too.” And I don’t want to keep dragging this up to beat a dead horse, but that’s extremely simple minded. Just saying “Adults with control over their finances make smart choices with their money, always,” but even with people who don’t have gambling addictions or whale tendencies struggle with this. You’re telling me that you’ve absolutely never splurged with your money? One tiny feel good purchase? Never ever, on anything at all? You really can’t, particularly if you bought anything from SSO. That’s not a need purchase, even if you were in your budget when you bought it. Now, your one feel good purchase could be 1 to every 100 purchases you actually need in your life. Good, that’s normal, and there’s nothing wrong with buying feel good purchases every now and then. But people with gambling addicts and with whale tendencies have a much harder time saying no to those impulses. SSO, with limited events and $30 horses, can make it a lot harder for someone who’s mind is biologically feeding them hormones to “have everything” to turn that voice off. So they sink the money, and with the prices so high, sooner or later that gets people into financial trouble trying to get everything. And SSO doesn’t encourage people to be responsible with their spending, unlike most gambling businesses who are legally required. Most video games aren’t, and that’s not SSO spearheading that problem. But that doesn’t mean they should be a part of it.

Another argument is that Star Coins are given out once a week, and that buying 100 Star Coins is just advancing a week in allowance. So why is that advance worth more than half of the membership to get it? Think about it, it’s $8.50 USD for one month of membership, again, a really fair price. But 100 Star Coins, an extra week so to speak, is $5.50 USD. How does that add up? Supposing that at minimum half of $8.50 USD is for the game itself, $4.25 USD, then the other $4.25 USD is for 400 Star Coins over that month. The next increment up for 500 Star Coins is $17. How is that a fair deal? Even supposing we give an expediting fee for skipping a week, 100 Star Coins still shouldn’t be worth more than $2. Not to mention that micro transactions work because of low prices. Why would SSO just ignore years of empirical data showing that the lower the price, the more likely people are to buy more of digital currencies? Also, how many of you would buy more Star Coins if a horse was $8-$10 USD instead of $30 USD? And more often? More for your money, and suddenly more Star Coins doesn’t sound so bad too a lot of you. And without being whales, I think a lot of you would be more eager to help support SSO financially, with a little more freedom to be able to give that kind of money.

SSO deserves to make money as a business, but the prices they currently have make the game inaccessible to most and dangerous to many. Cutting the seriously high prices for Lifetime and Star Coins would not only makes it easier for new players to join, but it would also protect people who biologically can’t really help that they tend to be whales. I know the short term of this would be a dip, but if the dev backed it up with merchandise that gamers actually wanted, like posters and games and books, or even shirts with actual SSO related content, and not all generic horse shirts, they’d probably be able to minimize those costs fairly well. Like, who would buy those sweaters from Jarlheim with the Soul Riders’ horses? Or a shirt that had a big SSO logo? Things that actually relate to the game. You could probably buy a “horse heart” shirt a dozen other places. And without going into that other topic, SSO could easily compensate loses from lowered prices by introducing merchandise that people would buy, and then have player’s friends ask what game was that shirt for. 

End of the day, I’m not a business person. I don’t know for sure if this would work. But when compared to dozens of games on the market today, maybe the other guys have some pretty good ideas too. And maybe it would help SSO to take some notes so they can start turning a profit in more years.

[beauvoyr]

Lazy People’s Club for the Sleepy and Tired | 4

blooming | the world in their hands Pairings: Noctis/Reader Genre: Friendship/Romance/Friends-to-Lovers Tags: Fluff, Humor, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, and an inappropriate amount of references to video games and classical music and literature titles, no beta we die like men ;;v;; Chapter Rating: T Crossposted on: AO3 Summary: Rules to join the Lazy People’s Club for the Sleepy and Tired: 1) One must love sleep. Sleep is love. Sleep is life. 2) One must be tired. Physically or emotionally, both are acceptable. 3) One must love video games. Halfhearted interest in video games will result in immediate termination of membership.

Fortunately, Noctis falls into all three categories.

THE WORLD IS ONLY BLACK or white. There are no greys in between, no room for grey areas, no room for doubt, no room for mistakes. A mistake isn’t as easily removed as a pencil scratch, remedied by an eraser. A mistake on the chess board comes with expending a pawn to conquer each chequered land, building an empire on the corpses of others. It starts small, consuming the infantry—the pawns. Then it comes with sacrificing the rook, letting it fall. Then, like a plague, it spreads—claiming the life of a knight, a bishop. Yet, even with its people disposed and the kingdom in tatters, the king and the queen shall not fall.

They must not fall.

And it is your task to ensure they will never fall.

That is the world you live in.

“he is your butler from today onwards.”

you chance a glance at the pale, white man. illuminated by the morning sunlight, he stands in attention with his hands behind his back and his long ponytail over his shoulder, unsmiling. his startling paleness looks very out of place in this room, you realise, for other manservants wore bleak blacks for their uniforms, whilst his is white. white, just like everything he is. strange, white hair, with sideswept bangs falling over his forehead and a ponytail—and even stranger eyes, for the greys are flecked with watery reds. almost like clean water seeping with blood. you’d know, because you’ve washed your hands before.

he must’ve felt your questioning gaze, but he’s been trained to ignore it. everything owned by father is trained by his own two hands anyway, so you’re not surprised this new butler of yours is just following instructions. it doesn’t matter. nothing matters. nothing ever matters in this house except for father himself. still, among all these wan-faced servants and a dour father, there is a face you yearn to see once again. just to see that familiar smile of hers, and to feel that familiar warmth in your hand.

you turn to father, fingers nervously toying with the hems of your shirt. “where’s mama?”

as always, father remains an expressionless figure whose face betrays nothing of his thoughts. you can’t get a good read on him—but what can a five-year-old fathom anyway, except for the love of her parents and the numbers on her fingers? he doesn’t answer, instead choosing to stride towards your butler. the strange white man straightens up on his feet, face forward, even as father stands as an imposing presence before him.

and with a clean, solid crack, father slaps him.

you shriek, hands slapping over your clamour. your gut twists and turns, your heart in your throat, your stomach on the ground under your feet, just the same way when you last held mother. the trembles that once wracked her overtakes your limbs, rendering you a quivering mess. the butler, to his credit, doesn’t flinch, nor does he show any signs of pain. but you could see the reds rising to his injured cheek, washing over the white of his skin.

father turns to you once more, and the faintest smile upturns a corner of his lips. father hardly smiles. and you hated that expression—you hated it when he finally shows his expression.

“did i forget to mention?” he says, light and airy with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “he is your whipping boy as well.”

“A REVENANT WEAPON!? DUDE, THAT STUFF’S LEGENDARY!”

There they go again. Ignis doesn’t even need to look over his shoulder to know what they’re talking about; with King’s Knight theme song playing and two overly hormonal young adults lounging on the sofa, there are more than enough contextual clues for him to follow the line of conversation.

“Yep, I just got mine today,” comes Noctis’ voice, coloured with a tinge of pride. “See? It’s the Revenant sword. Still didn’t upgrade mine though, so it’s stuck at Stage One—for now anyway. C’mon, Prom, let’s get yours too.”

“Oh you bet your sorry ass I’m gonna get my Revenant dagger! I’m gonna get so strong!” Prompto crows, and Ignis winces a little at the reminder of how loud the blond can get when he’s too excited. Flailing on the armchair, he is the very image of a humanized chocobo if there were such a thing. By now, he’s already withdrawing his phone and seconds later, a second King’s Knight background music joins the fray, with Prompto shoving his phone to Noctis’ face. “Quick! Show me how to get one!”

While Ignis doesn’t laugh at the sight, he does hide his smile as he continues busying himself with marinating the tender garulesa meat.

There they are, a prince and a commoner, enthusiastic over a mobile game. Noctis is every bit an ordinary man who’s buried in university assignments and keeping tabs on the latest release of Justice Monsters series. A simple glance at the sight of him and Prompto bantering back and forth on King’s Knight would’ve passed for just two young adults trying to get a hang of life and its bizarre mechanics of being a full-fledged adult.  Ultimately, it hides little of the fact that he is a prince whose lean shoulders carry the weight of a decaying kingdom in a ruined future, unconsciously waiting for the day his father will pass on.

A foreboding sense overcomes him at the thought and just as quickly as it comes, Ignis shakes it off. Doubting himself won’t do him any good now. There is no room for doubt now, and he prefers it that way.

He sets the tray aside just in time to hear Prompto screeching. “What!? The boss has over 3.2 million HP!? Noct, buddy, I’m gonna get my ass handed to me here—we can’t deal enough damage with just the two of us! Call for backup!”

“You worry too much,” is Noctis’ easy reply, and Ignis looks at him from the corner of his eyes, seeing the prince wearing a smug grin now. “Hold on for a sec—yeah, here she comes.”

A comical trill flits in the daunting boss battle music, one that Ignis recognizes as someone else joining their party from whenever Gladio plays with them. Only—Noctis mentioned ‘she’ and definitely not ‘he’. Raising a brow, Ignis observes their interaction as he grabs some nutmeg from the spice rack. Bending over to inspect the pineapple tarts baking in the oven, the Advisor keeps an ear trained on the conversation, picking up the bits and pieces of their voices.

“Uh, Kaliva? Who’s that?” Understandably, confusion is evident in Prompto’s voice. “And what’s with the weird username? The Architect?”

“The Architect—that Quintus’ daughter we talked about? It’s her,” Noctis explains offhandedly, like it describes everything the world has to offer. Unconcerned, his slim fingers continue tapping on the screen, probably coming up with a reply on the in-game chat system. “Met her again today and she was playing King’s Knight too so, meh, she helped me with my Revenant weapon. Raiding dungeons will be easier with her in our party since she mains Kaliva. Lots of AOE skills at her disposal.”

Today? That’s an interesting information. While it had only been last week since their last encounter, to think Noctis would make good on his promise this week. How odd. Pestering Noctis for answers wouldn’t bring him anything, not with how distracted he is with King’s Knight, so Ignis continues busying himself with his handicraft. Satisfied with how the tarts are browning in the oven’s heat, he brings the nutmeg over to the garulesa meat and sets to work, sprinkling in a dash over the mixture.

In the distance, Prompto blinks, alternating glances from Noctis’ phone to his. “Does she have a name? It’s kinda weird how we just keep calling her as that Quintus guy’s daughter but we don’t really know who she is.”

“Dunno, she didn’t tell me.” The prince mumbles, blue eyes trained on his phone screen, fingers nimbly keying in a reply. Unconcerned again, much like everything else he does. When it comes to King’s Knight, he’s hopeless. “Heads up Prom, she’s telling you to ready your debuff skills. Start with poison and I’ll lower the defense, then I’ll tank it. She’ll go on major DPS once the aggro is on me. Just make sure to stay out of the boss’ AOE and go for ranged attacks.”

“R-Right, sorry!” the blond sits up ramrod straight. “I’m ready now! Let’s goooooo!”

As they go about their little dungeon spree, Ignis continues watching from afar, lost in thought.

ALL I EVER WANTED WAS FRIENDS, but no one ever wanted me back. So when I finally found people who did want me, I did everything I could to make them stay.

It sounded pathetic. Pathetic Prompto, isn’t that such a nice ring to it? Somewhere inside, he gives a self-depreciating laugh at his inner monologue.

Pathetic Prompto doesn’t have many friends. He knows he’s well-liked, friendly, and cute to boot—if Prompto may say so himself—and girls flock to him as much as they flocked to Noct, but he knows this well: He doesn’t have anyone else other than Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum. And, of course to a certain extent, befriending the prince comes with his personal advisor and bodyguard too, like a Buy-1-Free-2 deal at the local supermarket. And freebies don’t count.

Without Noct, without Gladio, without Ignis, he’s nothing. After all, who’d want to make friends with the fat, ugly, and insecure boy from a decade ago, right?

Or at least, that’s what he tells himself.

He knows he’s changed, dramatically changed from his pudgy body to a lean one. Swapping dorky glasses for contact lenses, slathering hair gel and wielding hair dryers in the morning, dressing up in tighter shirts and stylish coeurl-patterned pants, nobody could put two and two together if they didn’t know him back then. Jogging every morning as a routine, counting his calories obsessively, joining Noct on his training for standard Crownsguard stuff, nobody knows under this plastic skin, the pudgy boy smothers his nerves when he receives handshakes and makes jokes about himself at the expense of his self-esteem.

It’s pathetic, just like Pathetic Prompto he is.

And then there’s this straitlaced person over here—

—well, straitlaced is a bit of a stretch. Indifferent is more accurate, he thinks.

There’s nothing about you that struck his interest. A smudge on the walls, a cloud in the skies. Someone seemingly ordinary stationed behind the table, poring over a paper with a pen behind your ear, casually dressed in a shirt and sensible pants. A reading glasses sits on the bridge of your nose, and your eyes trail over one sentence after another on the report, nodding all to yourself.

Somehow, standing here makes him nervous—heck, the air in your room feels weird because who even listens to classical music while working anyway? Then, an answer struck him wide-eyed: Only psychopaths in thrillers do because that’s what all stereotypical psychopaths do—and Six, Prompto’s already praying that you’re not one because he’s sure as hell he’s gonna be wrapped up in one of Noct’s many messes again.

“Hey, busy?” Noct calls out from his left, and Prompto almost jumps a little at how his voice rebounds throughout the vast expanse of your room. “If you’re busy I can leave.”

Prompto doesn’t know if you actually noticed that they came in through the door like a few minutes ago. Even if you did, you made absolutely no signs of acknowledging their presence. And Noct looks like he’s very much used to your quirk. He’s not even irritated, for crying out loud. All you do is to nod at Noct’s general direction, eyes still intently staring at report, untuck the pen from your ear, and scrawl in some words on the paper before slotting it into your drawer. After all that’s done, only then you rise from your chair, removing your reading glasses with a hand massaging your arm.

“Nah, nothing that important.” You stretch a little at your spot, flexing your fingers and rolling your wrist. Must’ve been from a long day’s work, Prompto thinks, watching your little exercise play out. You finish off the little stretching routine with a crack of your neck, heading over to the kitchenette. “Anyway, the usual. Shoes and socks off, sit down and make yourselves at home. Coffee, tea, canned juice, or soda?”

Seeing how Noct’s already halfway removing his boots and toeing off his socks like it’s an unspoken agreement between you two, Prompto hastily unlaces his own boots and rolls off his own chocobo-dotted socks. He only utters a silent prayer that you don’t judge him by his socks, or worse, make fun of him for wearing them. They were on sale, damn it. Because, seriously, psychopaths don’t judge people by their socks, right? And chocobo socks are the epitome of coolness.

“Soda for me and Prom, I guess,” Noctis answers, setting his boots to the side as Prompto meekly mimics his movements and places them by the door lest he triggers your sudden urge for murder. “Oh, by the way, this is Prompto, the guy I was talking about. He’s the Toby from yesterday.”

“You mean that Toby with the username Chocoboy?” you call out, looking over your shoulders briefly to meet his eyes—and Astrals, there’s something about you that makes him jump—before you return to whatever it is you’re doing with the mugs. “Good thing the Revenant dagger dropped after we farmed about seven times, huh? He’s lucky.”

“That’s Prom all right.” Noct chuckles, and they both move to occupy the section closest to your television and the shelf of video games. “He’s always the lucky one.”

Always the lucky one, ha. Prompto swallows a nervous gulp. Sure, he’s lucky all right, being friends with the prince and getting access to the Citadel whenever Noctis brings him along, but this? He chalks it up as an unlucky streak because your presence is just soooo unsettling, what with the weird look in your eyes and that empty face of yours, and all he wants to do is to go home and roll around with his chocobo plushies and forget this ever happened. No such luck though, because you’ve already loaded the mugs on a tray and brought them over, kneeling down on the floor.

“Here you go guys, cold soda.” Without missing a single beat, you serve Noct his drink, to which the prince accepts with a small thanks, while Prompto gets a cute cat mug with the frothy soda bubbling inside. “And that’s yours, lucky guy. Congrats on the Revenant weapon, by the way.”

Is that really a thing worth to be congratulated on? It’s not like he saved the world or something since it’s just a game. Still, Prompto bites back a nervous laugh and settles for a lopsided smile. He hopes it’s friendly enough to camouflage the jumpy chanting in his head of no murders no murders no murders don’t murder me please— “Thanks, I guess? I mean, we couldn’t have beat that boss up without your Kaliva though. Your Kaliva’s too OP.”

“Meh, well,” you wave it off with a bat of your hand, sitting down cross-legged with them, “that’s just because I don’t have anything else better to do than playing games in my spare time. King’s Knight is fun but it’s a special kind of hell if you’re serious about it. All the grinding is annoying, the raiding, catching up on past events. And the 1.6% drop rates are crap… ugh.”

“Didn’t even know that the boss drops Revenant weapons though,” Noctis chimes in, taking a sip from his soda. “Is it a secret drop or something?”

You lean back, rubbing your nape as your eyes drift skywards, probably searching the ceiling for answers. That or you’re already conjuring 23 ways on how to murder them with a mug. “Nah, not really. It depends on your time and your damage, actually. It’s more of like ‘if you finish so and so within X minutes with minimum Y damage, you get Z drop’, so if you finish it quicker with higher damage, your chances of getting five-star drops are high.”

Prompto only nods at that, following Noct’s example and taking a swig of his drink. Tooootally not thinking about the sluggish drawl in your voice. Totally not thinking about murders. Totally not overthinking every single sentence coming out from your mouth. “Right.”

“Mhmm.” A noncommittal reply from your side. “Gotta work hard for those five-star drops.”

And then silence.

This is weird I totally hope she doesn’t kill me Six please protect Noct because he’s my best buddy and he’s also the future king thanks in advance Astrals, Prompto delivers a swift prayer to the skies above as he takes yet another gulp of his soda.

As much as he hates to be that guy, he just can’t help it. With Noct, conversations come as easily as sporadically vomiting whatever from the top of his head, chatting about chocobo mating rituals and whining about assignments as Noct long-sufferingly listens to his every tale. With you, Prompto just can’t summon the courage to look you in the eyes because—is it possible to sound that dead and look that emotionless? The only one who’s managed that feat around here is none other than Noct, the Prince of Apathy, and only his close friends could discern that his monotone hums are sounds of interest in all actuality.

“Anyway,” you start again, gaunt eyes gazing at him in that vacant way a ghost usually does, and it takes every bit of Prompto’s courage not to throw in the towel because Noct invited him here, damn it, and where his best friend goes, he’s going—and that’s final. “Sorry, but I kinda noticed something just now. Mind if I ask you some stuff?”

“You already did,” he blurts out, automatic wit loaded on the tip of his tongue because he’s usually the one countering Noct’s sheer assholery, and Astrals he’s already regretting it when you’re subjecting him to that look. “Uh—yeah, I mean, sure man! Go ahead!”

As much as Prompto’s tried throwing a desperate, pleading look at Noct’s direction, hoping his man would wing this out together with him, Noct the Asshole is only draining his soda and contemplating stealing some more from your untouched mug. And you’re actually enabling him by handing over your very own mug, depositing the crimson ceramic right in his hands, and shrugging wordlessly when he nudges you in thanks. Something about the strange harmony between you two made him think about ulterior motives and—Gods, please, that better not be poison inside that ominously red mug of yours—and too late, Noct’s already drinking away, polishing off your drink in just three gulps.

“—right,” you say, utterly oblivious to his internal meltdown, “so I was just wondering about your socks? The chocobo ones. Where’d you get them? They’re cute, I kinda want a pair too.”

If this were a comedy sequence, there’d be a freeze frame with a comical scratching record sound effect. And then the title will pop out like some retro-vibed TV show on the afternoon slot called ’Prompto’s Misadventures’ with some kweh kweh accompanying the title screen.

Because seriously—what?

“Socks?” he hears himself echoing dumbly, faint. “My socks?”

And you’re still oblivious to his entire life orbiting before his eyes like some catastrophic flashback scene. “Yeah dude, socks.” Your lingering gaze darts over to his shoes, where his folded socks are lying in a hapless pile by the side, examining them in great curiosity. “I like cute stuffs. The mug you’re holding? That’s limited edition Neko Atsume stuff. Cute cats, cute game. Had to collect ‘em all.”

This bit has Noct snorting under his breath. “You mean that cat-gathering game? You actually played it?”

“Don’t judge me, Prince, this is a No-Judging Zone,” you warn accordingly, already averting your face from Noct the Asshole, who’s probably already hell bent on teasing someone once he finds the secret weapon to be used against them. “The music’s cute. The graphics are cute. Everything’s cute.”

Sure, everything’s cute and Prompto’s a huge fan of cute stuffs too—but the monotone in your voice failed entirely to deliver your apparent enthusiasm about the topic. Prompto’s not sure if he should be butting in the conversation, not when Noct’s already palming his cheek and grinning from one side. And when Noct gets That Look™, he’s never going to let go.

“You like cats, huh?” says Noct, lazylike but not without a notch of keen interest playing subtly in his tone. Still with that unrepentant grin, Prompto almost feels sorry for you because you’re gonna be in for a ride and then some, with how Noct usually is. “Just cats, or?”

“Animals, all sorts of ‘em,” you say, blank. And nope, not an ounce of emotion right there, ‘cause Prompto Scanners picked up zilch. “Dogs. Chocobo. Coeurl. Anak. Cats too. Crazy Cat Lady in the making, that’s me.”

And oh boy, without a word of warning, Noct turns away from you and sets those devilish eyes of his on Prompto and all Prompto can do is not scream because why is he suddenly involved in this again? “Then Prom’s the Crazy Chocobo Man in the making. You two have a lot in common huh.”

He loves his best friend.

He truly does.

He swears by the Six he won’t nail Noct in the shin after this.

…maybe next week because he’s probably too petty when it comes to defending the chocobos’ honour.

“Noct, chocobos are cool. Do yourself a favour and buy yourself a pair of chocobo socks, then you’ll see what I mean. It’s a life-changing experience, I swear,” Prompto shakes his head with a melodramatic sigh, the back of his hand nursing his forehead like he’s got the worst headache ever from dealing with Noct. To you, he thumbs at Noct’s general direction like seriously get a load of this guy? and you’re all sympathetic nods, wrinkling your nose. “ ‘neways, got my cool socks for half-off at the Crown City Zoo merch store. They had other colours too but I was broke at that time, so I told myself two pairs and that’s it.”

“Crown City Zoo huh,” you muse, a hand over your mouth in deep thought. “Is it far from here?”

Is it? Prompto scratches his temple, rattling his brain’s storage space for the exact coordinates of the place. “Not really, if you know which bus to take,” he says after a while, “but you gotta be careful not to get off at the wrong stop. Boy, was I in for a ride when I accidentally took the wrong interchange and found myself almost inbound for Leide!”

“That bad?” You flinch.

The blond stifles the urge to emit a theatrical groan and rolls his eyes. “Nah, not really. Just that I was really dead broke at that time and ate peanuts for breakfast—“

Well, of course, given the chance to talk, Prompto prattles on and on and on enough to make up for three people’s worth of conversations, but then his eyes drift over your pensive expression as you remain all ears for his tragic tale, and then he comes across Noct. Noct who’s hiding half of his face behind your emptied mug, dark blue eyes watching, and he has this knowing smile on his face as if he accomplished a great heist or something.

And oh.

Oh.

Somehow, amidst his blabbering, amidst all the disastrous details he’s dishing out for you, amidst all your slow nods and quizzical tilts of your head, Prompto can’t stop the fond smile from seizing his lips when he thinks about it, thinks about Noct and Noct the Prince of Apathy and Noct the Asshole who kept egging him on.

Because, truly, Noct is his best buddy in the end, his wingman in all desperate times, and no one comes close.

“what’s it like outside there?” you ask him, swinging your dangling legs from the armchair. “is the world still big like what mama showed me?”

fingers thread through your hair, raking a comb through your locks. byron’s gloved touch is warm even with his icy colour. he’s warm, just as warm as mother, but mother is the sun to your earth. and byron, byron is the star watching over your world. he remains steadfast as he cards his fingers through your hair, gently unravelling the knots in preparation for a braid, already equipped with a ribbon hairclip to finish off the look. for a moment, he is silent, formulating a response.

watching his reflection on the ornate vanity, you couldn’t help but to bite your lip and turn away. his cheek is swollen from father’s harsh slap, but he carries on with his duty without complain. the maids from lunch whispered bad things about him, about his street rat upbringing, about the permanent scars littering his knuckles, about father’s kindness of taking him in. how the holes puncturing his ears are past hints of his earrings, how his high-collared shirt hides a silver chain underneath.

“sort of, i guess?” he answers, sounding rather unsure of himself. “i mean, the kingdom of lucis is big, that’s for sure. why’d you ask me that, milady?”

how can someone who touches you so gently be someone so rough? they’re all lies. they must’ve been lies father fed the servants again. byron isn’t like that. byron isn’t like that at all.

clenching and unclenching your hands, you didn’t miss how his ruddy eyes flit over to meet your gaze, making the heat bloom in your cheeks. “well, mama took me to galdin quay once. father didn’t like that. so he took mama away from me.”

if your sombre answer affects him, he doesn’t say anything at all. instead, byron hums. “galdin’s real pretty, if you ask me.” he removes the comb from your hair and parts your generous locks in three sections. always deft with his fingers, byron makes braiding into a work of art as he sets to the task, twining one after another. “the sun, the sea, the beach, i miss it all. we should go there again, just the two of us. how’d you like that?”

you’d like that. you’d like that very much. he must’ve seen the hope in your eyes, the faintest glitter of bliss, since he smiles—though he winces, because his cheek’s all puffed up—but just as soon as that, you remember your place and all hope crumbles away. because here is your place, here is where you live, and here is where you’ll die.

“I wanna go. i wanna go with you. i wanna go with mama too.” you begin worrying your bottom lip with your teeth, tangling your fingers in your shirt. “but… father’s not gonna let me out of the house. he said i can’t go out, no matter what.”

you almost expected him to laugh. because what would a nineteen-year-old man understand from a five-year-old child anyway? he doesn’t understand father can be a cruel master to those who oppose him. he doesn’t understand father took mama away from you, and he can take byron away just as easily too. and if you overstepped your boundaries, then there’d be a price to pay. a price slotted under byron’s tab, to be paid in full.

but all byron does is to continue smiling that mysterious smile of his, and it quells all of your fears in an instant.

“someday, milady. someday, i’ll take you to galdin.”

THERE IS A MESS WAITING FOR him when he steps through the doorway, and it’s such a peculiar sight until Byron stops dead in his tracks to stare. He’s known you for practically all of your life, and messy is definitely not one of the words he’d use to describe you. Pillows, comforters, bowls of cereal, and mugs of soda are strewn in clusters near the television, roughed up like someone threw a party in here. And the subject of suspicion is napping harmlessly on the floor, curled up on one side with a blanket pooling loosely around your ankles.

Really, it’s so odd until Byron tilts his head to the side and almost wants to scrutinize this crime scene from every angle. Closing the door behind him, he sets the bagful of grocery on the kitchen counter and decides to approach the spot, careful not to make any noise. Sure enough, upon closer look, he sees three mugs near your head paired up with three more bowls of cereal, all in varying degrees of emptiness. Silver spoons, fruity cereals, milk, and soda. What an odd party indeed.

But a meal of three, really? With who?

Bathed in the light of Insomnia’s sunset, ambers and scarlets dance on your skin as you slept, entirely unconscious of his questions. Sleeping so soundly, Byron thinks it’s a waste to rouse you from your sleep.

Kneeling on the floor, he gently pulls the blanket up to your shoulders and pats your head.

This time, he doesn’t smile.

[tbc.]

thank you very much for sticking around and reading! things pick up in the next chapter when noctis pokes his nose where it doesn’t belong 8)

PREVIEW: You’d seen him before—or rather, more accurately, you had read news with his face on it. A brooding prince printed in both colour and monochrome, eyebrows straight and lips pressed into a firm, thin line. Long lashes curtaining hazy blue eyes, complementing flawless expanse of skin. All sultry dips of collarbones, broad shoulders, and sinewy arms. Whenever he shows up around here, he’s always in a dark shirt and cargo pants, sometimes looking like a sweaty mess, and sometimes looking like he’d just stepped out of shower. With your chastising, he’d set aside his boots and claim your television area as his new territory, playing a game or two.

[glittership]

Episode #66: "Tell the Phoenix Fox, Tell the Tortoise Fruit"

Download directly here: 

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Episode 66 is a GLITTERSHIP ORIGINAL and part of the Summer 2018 issue!

Support GlitterShip by picking up your copy here: http://www.glittership.com/buy/

  Tell the Phoenix Fox, Tell the Tortoise Fruit

by Cynthia So

  On the day Sunae turned nine years old, there was no joyful feast. A monster burst from the sea that night and ate five people. The Mirayans gathered upon the shore to watch this, as they did every Appeasement. Sunae’s mother covered Sunae’s eyes, but Sunae still heard the screams. The crunch of brittle bone between teeth. The wet gulp of gluttonous throats.

Sunae prayed to the Goddess that the warrior Yomue might rise from the dead and defeat the monster yet again. No warrior came, but a hand grasped Sunae’s and squeezed. A hand as small as her own.

When it was over, Sunae’s mother murmured, “Now we will be safe for another ten years.” She removed her hands from Sunae’s eyes, and Sunae flinched from the gore before her. The older children always said that this was why Miraya’s beaches were pink, but she hadn’t been convinced until she saw the sands now drenched with fresh blood. Dark red on dusk pink.

Full transcript after the cut:

    Hello! Welcome to GlitterShip episode 66 for March 5, 2019. This is your host Keffy, and I’m super excited to share this story with you. Today we have a GlitterShip original, “Tell the Phoenix Fox, Tell the Tortoise Fruit” by Cynthia So and a poem by Chanter, “The Lamentations of Old Money.”

This episode is part of the newest GlitterShip issue, which was just released and… is very late. The “Summer 2018” issue of GlitterShip is available for purchase at glittership.com/buy and on Kindle, Nook, Kobo, and now Gumroad! If you’re one of our Patreon supporters, you should have access to the new issue waiting for you when you log in. For everyone else, it’s $2.99, and all of our back issues are $1.49.

GlitterShip is also a part of the Audible Trial Program. This means that just by listening to GlitterShip, you are eligible for a free 30 day membership on Audible and a free audiobook to keep. If you’er looking for an excellent book of short queer stories to listen to, you should check out Bitter Waters by Chaz Brenchley. This book is full of speculative fiction featuring gay men and was awarded the Lambda Award for best LGBT speculative fiction.

To download Bitter Waters for free today, go to www.audibletrial.com/glittership — or choose another book if you’re in the mood for something else.

Up first, our poem:

  Chanter is a proud Wisconsinite who took flight (alas, not literally) from her originating small town, headed for the big city’s more accepting climes and never looked back.  She’s proudly asexual, demisensual, and some flavor of bi- or panromantic that’s as yet proving difficult to define.  She’s also brand squeaky new (emphasis, occasionally, on squeaky) to official publication.  Besides holding down a day job, she’s an active shortwave radio DXer and ham operator, as well as a crowdfunded author currently based mainly on Dreamwidth.

    The Lamentations of Old Money

by Chanter

  Jennifer doesn’t want a white dress.

She doesn’t want a church, an altar, a tangle of coast-grown flowers, sisters in matching silk, trained doves, stained glass, twenty overlaid colognes and splintering sunlight, rehearsed organ music and recorded pop shorthand warbling through weak speakers, biting April breezes, overthought hair and makeup, snow in hardwood aisles.

Jennifer doesn’t want a wild time.

She doesn’t want hips around shoulders, tools and toys, filthy supplications and hot breath ideas, hours between bedsheets, sticky aftermaths, bruises as tawdry mementos in hard to reach places, hands and mouths, teeth and tongues and fluids, too many entrances, the junctions of legs and legs and legs.

Jennifer doesn’t want hard edges.

Not for her, leashes, spike heels and bad girl pretense. not for her, the bite of too-demanding fingertips grinding at her biceps, cold and bruising at her cheeks, clamped into the flesh of her wrists. Not for her, orders with teeth both behind and in them, whipcracks in voice and deed. Not for her, daddy’s little anything, mommy’s little anything, a schoolgirl’s life, a paddle’s life, princess, flower, whore. Not for her, latex and custom-made chains, iron protocol and a child’s tear-stung punishments, revoked names and Halloween’s expected trappings.

Not for her, anonymity. Not for her, all of the spice and none of the wine to mull with it.

What Jennifer wants?

Fits on a two-sided coin.

One side:

Jennifer wants nights asleep in a hayloft, clothes on, with siblings in arms—and black coffee, and cotton-coarse humor, and blood— to her left and right.

Jennifer wants a uniform, wants honest lamplight with a wick beneath it, wants a hundred songs and a hand-tuned fiddle, a guitar played at a campfire, laces and burlap, branches and homespun wool, antique language, tactile camaraderie, respected rank and unresented ceremony, world-spanning care so personal it can’t be feigned, so simultaneously subtle and frank that it confuses, so elegant it’s genuine, so casual it’s ancient. “To be fair, that one does drive me utterly mad of an afternoon but God be good, dear fellow, why wouldn’t I?”

Jennifer wants a certain amount of ignored anachronism, wants a world where ‘dear fellow’ as affectionate genderless address is just fine, where ‘she’s a good man to have beside you in a fight’ is perfectly acceptable wording, but where the phrase ‘man up’ is both soundly off limits and considered decades or centuries distant, depending; a world where, at the end of the day, it’s quietly acknowledged and otherwise near-forgotten that oh yes, that one there, she’s a girl. As in woman. As in, see also, dame. Noun. Example I: To go to work for the war effort on the road under cover of darkness, on the air for the BBC, or on the battlefield firing decisive cannon blast volleys like a real dame.

Example II: I’m a girl, and mostly, I prefer other dames to fellas. Mostly. But when I don’t, I kinda have a type? Ahem!”

Somewhere, a coin is balancing on its edge.

And the flip side:

Jennifer wants to write a hundred stories and bind them in hard covers, wants modern skirts to her ankles, comfortable jeans and blue corduroy coat sleeves, wants city streets, steel toes and long hair, near-distant clocktower bells, silver jewelry bought by her own hand, in her own name, a rocking chair made to last for decades, a damn fine radio setup, the solid strength of a wooden door at her back after she and she – he and she – they and she after they’ve crashed through it and, fully clothed, battered it closed behind them.

Both sides:

Jennifer wants her wrists pressed flat against that wooden door, all benevolent force, all warmth, all welcome gravity, all burgeoning life in orbit, all the steady strength of a star in symbiosis with a planet. Jennifer wants voices and voices and voices, innocent details and muscle-melting, breath-stealing turns of phrase, sound serving as light serving as lodestone to the iron in every millimeter of her except, except, for a bare and unbared few.

One side:

Jennifer wants the wind at her back, a message, a mission, a reason and a warning, miles and miles and miles rolled out under a sky filled with leaden stars, a purpose and a signal, a gesture, an anticipation of command that tenses her like a bowstring before—wait, wait, wait for it—rush for it— “Fire!”

Both sides:

Jennifer wants to be eager, to be teeming under her skin with silver, wants a reason and a cause and a leader who’s fallible by self-description, near-matchless by others’ accounts, wants to thrill to rank, surname, simple designation, wants to know at exactly what she’s aimed, near-precisely what will happen when she hits and that yes, the trusted, entirely human hands of gravity to a planet are the only hands pulling or perhaps, perhaps, the only hands directing those pulling her string, wants to be entirely, mindfully, consensually willing to be fired like a longbow.

And the flip side:

Jennifer wants to bring a girlfriend home to her parents, wants to curl into accented words like they’re warm compresses and quilts, wants to make promises and keep them, find each others’ keys, play each others’ record collections, brush cat hair off each others’ sweaters, adore and be adored forever, not live together. Jennifer wants to never grow tired of hearing herself say “This is Elaine.” Or “This is Kim.” Or “This is…” “This is my better half.”

Both sides:

Jennifer wants orders that both delight her and fill her with clean purpose, stoking a fire that consumes every inch of her except, except, for the space between her thighs. Jennifer wants the intersection where bravery meets well-placed loyalty. Jennifer wants to know exactly what she’s doing, wants to be utterly sure of her cause, to make up her entire mind, on her own, and then raise her voice and throw herself into the thing with abandon because yes, this is right, this is reason, this is exuberance and happiness and righteous fury blazing, this is bright history, this is justice, this is–

One coin. With two sides.

Jennifer wants the rarity that is liking of, love for, acceptance and welcome of both the existence and the admission of her two sides.

Even when she’s difficult. Even when she’s horrible. Even when she’s irrational. Even when she’s just, so most people would say, plain off baseline weird.

Especially when she’s weird.

All of the wine to mull with all of the spice ground by capable hands. Hands ringed in silver.

Hands at the ends of corduroy sleeves.

The sleeves of a coat that may have, once or twice, been a makeshift pillow in a hayloft.

After a night’s ride.

After a night’s mission.

    Cynthia So is a queer Chinese writer from Hong Kong, living in London. She spent her undergrad crying over poets that have been dead for 2,000 years, give or take. (She’s graduated now, but still crying.) Her short fiction has appeared in Anathema, Arsenika, and Cast of Wonders. She can be found on Twitter @cynaesthete.

Zora Mai Qu���nh is a genderqueer Vietnamese writer whose short stories, poems, and essays can be found in The SEA Is Ours, Genius Loci: The Spirit of Place, POC Destroy Science Fiction, Luminescent Threads: Connections to Octavia Butler, Strange Horizons, and Terraform. Visit her: zmquynh.com. Rivia is a Black and Vietnamese Pansexual Teen who has a passion for reading, video games and music. She says “I’m gender questioning but also questioning whether or not I’m questioning…Isn’t gender just a concept?” You can hear her vocals on Strange Horizon’s podcast for “When she sings…”

  Tell the Phoenix Fox, Tell the Tortoise Fruit

by Cynthia So

      On the day Sunae turned nine years old, there was no joyful feast. A monster burst from the sea that night and ate five people. The Mirayans gathered upon the shore to watch this, as they did every Appeasement. Sunae’s mother covered Sunae’s eyes, but Sunae still heard the screams. The crunch of brittle bone between teeth. The wet gulp of gluttonous throats.

Sunae prayed to the Goddess that the warrior Yomue might rise from the dead and defeat the monster yet again. No warrior came, but a hand grasped Sunae’s and squeezed. A hand as small as her own.

When it was over, Sunae’s mother murmured, “Now we will be safe for another ten years.” She removed her hands from Sunae’s eyes, and Sunae flinched from the gore before her. The older children always said that this was why Miraya’s beaches were pink, but she hadn’t been convinced until she saw the sands now drenched with fresh blood. Dark red on dusk pink.

She looked at the girl next to her, the girl who was holding her hand, and she saw a determination in those eyes as bright as the moon, as bright as her own. A determination to make sure that this would never happen again.

“I’m Oaru,” the girl said. “What’s your name?”

Sunae looked down at their clasped hands and told Oaru her name.

  The Temple of the Moon Goddess is the most beautiful place on the island. There are no straight lines and sharp angles within, but everything is curved and gentle and swooping. Shades of blue deepen as one enters through the front, the colors of twilight intensifying into midnight, accented by silver and broken up by patches of brilliant white that gleam through the dark. A pool of water from the Moon Lake shimmers in the atrium. Frosty glass cut into lunar shapes hang from the ceiling in long, glittering threads.

All of it is flawless craftsmanship, except for the wall of the prayer hall.

The hall is perfectly circular. Spanning a semicircle on the wall is a painting of Yomue, splendid in lustrous armor, wielding a sword as black as her hair and an expression as fierce as the sea. The sand of the Mirayan beach is pink beneath her feet, and she glares at the monster that towers over her. Its writhing, many-headed form is etched into the blackness of the night. The moon hangs above them, solemn and full.

The other half of the wall is blank, its contents effaced and forgotten.

Warrior confronts monster. What’s the rest of the story? Monster leaves island alone for a hundred years. Warrior dies, and monster comes back. It is starved and salivating, with too many teeth. Every ten years, it must be fed.

Is that what was on the other half of the wall?

Sunae’s mother buys her Carrucean books to read, because Carrucean is an important language to learn well. In Carrucean tales, monsters are always slain. Heroes sometimes journey into foreign lands and kill other people’s monsters for them, and they are rewarded with riches and brides and thrones.

Sunae is ten years old, but she knows this: there are Carruceans living in Miraya. Miraya was owned by Carrucea for hundreds of years, and then there was a treaty of some sort not long before Sunae was born, and now Miraya belongs to the Mirayans again.

The Carruceans came here to their island. They governed the island and lived here for centuries, but no Carrucean ever killed the monster for them. Yet here they are on the island still, with their wealth, their power. Their Mirayan wives.

“Mother, have any Carruceans ever been fed to the monster?” Sunae asks.

Her mother frowns. “Can’t we talk about something more cheerful?”

Sunae just wants to know how to defeat the monster. If no Carruceans will come to their aid, then who will?

  The old Library of Miraya is a burnt husk with a blackened facade, secluded from the town and set into the side of a hill, a little way from the Moon Lake. Sunae doesn’t understand why it hasn’t been torn down to make way for something new when fire ravaged it long ago, but perhaps its remote location preserved it. Evidently the Mirayans of yore prized a peaceful reading environment. Sunae can hear nothing of the bustling town here, only a chorus of birds.

She also doesn’t understand why she is letting Oaru drag her into the grim ruins. Inside, the half-collapsed roof lets in some lemony sunlight, but there is an unpleasant smell like overripe tortoise fruit, and rows of charred shelves loom and menace. “It went this way,” Oaru says, and drops to her hands and knees to crawl through a tiny hole in the wall.

Sunae sighs and follows. She gets stuck, her shoulders being broader than Oaru’s, but Oaru wrenches her free with a painful yank. She emerges into a cramped and airless space, illuminated only by the glow of the phoenix fox, which is swishing its enormous tail back and forth, sweeping away layers of ash and dust from the wall behind it.

Sunae coughs, but Oaru grabs her arm excitedly. “There’s something on the wall!”

Oaru leans over the fox and scrubs at the wall with her sleeve, gradually revealing the faded colors of a painting: a woman in an ethereal blue gown, sitting with a brush in her hand. A long scroll of paper unfurls before her, inked in an illegible, swirling script.

“Doesn’t that look a bit like Yomue?” Oaru asks.

It seems impossible that this serene woman should resemble the powerful warrior in the temple, but she does. It’s in the proud tilt of her jaw, maybe. Sunae reaches out and traces the woman’s chin. She has never been permitted to touch the temple mural, though she has longed to.

“What is she doing?” Oaru wonders.

“Writing poetry?” Sunae ventures.

The phoenix fox smirks at her and stretches lazily before slipping out through the hole in the wall, leaving them in absolute darkness. Oaru yelps, “I’ve got to catch that fox!” She tugs at Sunae’s elbow and Sunae reluctantly goes with her. It’s as much a struggle to get out as it was to get in, and the fox is nowhere to be seen by the time Sunae has wriggled through.

  The new Library of Miraya is a clean and functional building, centrally located, right next to the Town Hall. Most of the space is dedicated to Carrucean books, with the Mirayan literature section tucked into a dismal corner. Sunae asks a librarian to help her find Yomue’s poems.

“Yomue wasn’t a poet,” the librarian says, puzzled. “But I can recommend poetry from the same time period. Not much of it survived, what with the old Library burning down… But there is some, and it’s very beautiful. Do you know how to read Classical Mirayan, though?”

In the end, Sunae walks away from the Library with a few books and a leaflet for free Classical Mirayan lessons.

By the time she turns twelve, she has read all the Classical Mirayan poetry that the Library has to offer—and all the modern Mirayan poetry, too.

She tries her hand at writing her own poem. She writes about Yomue and the monster. Yomue’s husband, wrongfully convicted of murdering a man, chained to a pillar on the shore, awaiting his execution. Yomue weeping at his feet. The moon trembling in the sky, the Goddess watching. Yomue dressing herself in armor, carefully lacing her breastplate, looping her belt through the buckle. Whetting her sword and sheathing it. Her hair, tied back with a ribbon given to her by her husband. Her boots hitting the ground, her armor jangling. The monster howling, crashing back into the sea where it nurses its wounds for a hundred years.

Sunae wins a competition at school with this poem, and gets a shiny badge that she pins to her satchel.

She is fourteen, and she writes about nature: trees touching, sands blushing. The ocean embracing the coast. Leaves tender for one another. Mountains asleep next to each other. The moon observing everything.

She is sixteen, and Oaru bets a boy she can beat him in a swordfight. Sunae has watched Oaru practise in her garden every week for five years, first with a toy sword, then with a real one; Oaru is graceful and deft with it where Sunae has always fumbled and flailed.

Oaru and the boy are wearing white clothes and using wooden swords dipped in red paint; the boy soon looks like a bloody mess and yields, while Oaru is still pristine.

“You were amazing,” Sunae says afterwards, as Oaru is cutting into a celebratory tortoise fruit. Oaru waves a slice of it in her face, and Sunae grimaces at its distinct mustiness. “Ew, no thank you.”

“How can you not like tortoise fruit?” Oaru says, shaking her head. “Are you even Mirayan?”

Sunae sticks her tongue out. “It smells like a sweaty armpit and it tastes even worse.”

Oaru eagerly bites into the purple flesh of the fruit. “You should know though, you kind of looked like a tortoise fruit just then, when I wafted it under your nose.”

Sunae blinks at the wrinkled skin of the tortoise fruit in horror. “I looked like that? Don’t be so mean!”

Oaru laughs and nudges her side. “All right, I’m sorry—but hey, do you think I’ll be good enough to defeat the monster someday?”

No. Don’t you dare try. Sunae swallows. Oaru must be the best fighter Miraya has seen in generations. Surely if anyone has a chance to ward off the monster and stop more Appeasements from happening, it’s her. How can Sunae be so selfish as to hold Oaru back for fear of losing her?

She says, “You look so much like Yomue in the temple mural when you’re moving with that sword.”

Oaru’s breath catches, and Sunae suddenly understands what it is she has really been trying to write poetry about all this time. They are alone in Sunae’s bedroom, and Sunae kisses Oaru. There is tortoise fruit on Oaru’s tongue, cloying and bitter, but Sunae doesn’t scrunch up her nose. She doesn’t mind at all.

“That has to be the boldest thing you’ve ever done,” Oaru whispers, her lips soft and purpled, her hair mussed by Sunae’s hands.

“I guess you inspired me,” Sunae says, and Oaru grins and grips Sunae’s arms.

“Remember that time I tried to catch the phoenix fox?”

Sunae nods. Every day she thinks of the painted woman lit by the phoenix-fox fire. The nameless poet buried in the rubble, her face so strangely like Yomue’s. Sunae returned to the shadowy wreckage of the old Library once, but she has grown and can no longer contort herself to fit through that hole in the wall.

“I wanted to give the fox to you,” Oaru says.

Oh.

It is a Mirayan custom for young men to present phoenix foxes to girls they wish to marry. This fact had utterly escaped ten-year-old Sunae, who merely assumed that Oaru wanted the fox as a pretty pet.

Sunae raises her eyebrows, stroking Oaru’s cheek with her thumb. “You already wanted to marry me when you were ten?”

Oaru shrugs. “I didn’t know then, what it meant. I only knew I wanted to be your friend forever. But now I know what it actually means, for me to want to marry you.” Her eyes are serious, like a cloud veiling the moon.

It means we could both be a part of the next Appeasement if anyone finds out. Sunae closes her eyes against the thought and kisses Oaru again.

Sunae is eighteen and she is awarded a scholarship to study at the University of Wimmore, one of Carrucea’s world-famous institutions. If she takes the scholarship, she will be absent from Miraya for a year. She will be absent from Miraya on the day of the next Appeasement.

Tell me what else there is, she pleads with the impassive image of Yomue on the wall, as everyone else in the prayer hall lifts their cupped hands repeatedly to their faces in the traditional gesture of worship. Tell me.

Because if there is more to the story than a swordfight, then maybe she can convince Oaru not to risk her life. And if she has to go to Carrucea to find the answers, she will.

At the end of the prayer session, when people are either shuffling off or lingering to socialize, Sunae tells Oaru about the scholarship.

“It’s stupid that you have to go to Carrucea to learn more about this island, our island that we’ve been living on our whole lives.” Oaru spits the words, and her frustration echoes in the chambers of Sunae’s heart.

“I know.” Sunae wants to run her hands through Oaru’s hair to comfort her, but it would be foolish to show such affection in public. She wants to hold Oaru’s hand, but they are not children anymore. They will not get away with it, not here where everyone can see. “Just promise me that you won’t try and take on the monster when the Appeasement comes. Please. You’re not ready.” I’m not ready.

“I promise.” Oaru’s voice sounds fervent with honesty.

Sunae hopes she has known Oaru for long enough to tell when she is lying.

  The Moon Lake is luminous as a heart that brims full with emotion, and Sunae stands at the edge and dips her toes in.

Oaru is naked in the water, moonlight dripping from her hair. Oaru wears a smile like a phoenix fox’s, sly and burning through Sunae. Oaru’s arms are muscled and impatient and open wide.

“Come on, Sunae.”

Sunae’s fingers hover over the knot that ties the sash around her waist. “You’re breaking the law,” she whispers.

Oaru wades closer to Sunae. She lifts the hem of Sunae’s gown and kisses Sunae’s ankles. “We’ve been breaking the law for a long time, tortoise fruit,” she says, her dark eyes looking up into Sunae’s. “When has that ever stopped you?” She leaves wet handprints on the skirt of Sunae’s gown, droplets trickling down the backs of Sunae’s calves. “Who knows when we’ll get to do this again?”

I’ll only be away for a year, Sunae thinks, but Oaru’s eyes are darker than fire-scorched walls, and Sunae knows it will be the longest year of their lives.

She loosens the knot. Her gown joins Oaru’s in a careless heap on the sandy bank, and soon her body twines with Oaru’s in the water. Mist forms around them, as though the Goddess herself wishes to hide them away from the world.

  Let’s skip ahead for a moment. It is Sunae’s nineteenth birthday, and she is chained to a pillar on the pink shore of Miraya. Her lover Oaru is shackled to a different pillar. They cannot touch or kiss each other. The monster is about to rear its ugly heads from the sea, and Sunae is crying, but she is speaking. She is reciting a poem she wrote, and I am watching, as I always have. I am listening.

So how did they get here?

  Sunae sits on the steps of a lofty sandstone building, shivering in the wind and eating a whole tortoise fruit by herself.

She has been studying in Wimmore for four months, and she hasn’t made a single friend. The light in Wimmore is muted and cold, the streets narrow and grey, the houses foreboding and tall. People laugh at her accent. The dresses fashionable here are too tight, and she can never get enough air into her lungs.

The air tastes nothing of salt, anyway. She misses the sea.

She runs her fingers over the tough, knobbly green rind of the fruit. Her professor had bought it for the class to try—an expensive import from Miraya, not easily purchased. The others in her class had squealed over how disgusting the fruit looked and smelled as Dr. Janner was dissecting it like a corpse, and Sunae thought of Oaru’s teeth tearing into a wedge of tortoise fruit. Oaru’s tongue stained purple by its juice.

Sunae had stood up, gathered the massive fruit in her arms as though it were a baby and marched out of the classroom. And now she is sitting on rain-wet stone and chewing miserably.

How Oaru would tease her, if Oaru were here.

A girl sits down next to her. Talia from her class, with wheat-colored curls flattened in the drizzle. “You really like tortoise fruit, huh?” Talia says.

“I hate it,” Sunae says.

“Let me try a bit, will you?”

Sunae gives her a small slice and she takes a tentative bite. “Hmm, it tastes a lot better than it smells. Definitely not the texture I was expecting, though. It’s… squidgy?” She finishes the slice, throws the rind over her shoulder, and grabs another immediately.

Sunae smiles. She thinks it must be the first time she has smiled since she set foot in Wimmore. “You like it more than I do, then.”

“So what are you doing out here eating something you hate and crying?” Talia asks, squinting. “Don’t tell me that’s just the rain.”

“It’s not just the rain,” Sunae says, rubbing a hand over her face. “It’s just… It’s what a friend calls me. Tortoise fruit.”

“An affectionate nickname?” Talia turns the piece of wrinkly rind over in her hand. “Is it a cute boy who’s waiting for you at home?”

Sunae hesitates. “Um. Not a boy.” And then, to distract Talia from fixating on that, she launches into an account of everything that’s been overwhelming her. She explains that the next Appeasement is happening soon, and that she has been trying to conduct research into the history and literature of Miraya to see if she can find any clues as to how Yomue defeated the monster last time and why the monster came back, but she still hasn’t found anything useful.

“I just want to find another way,” Sunae says. “I don’t want my friend to do anything rash. I don’t want to lose her.”

Talia presses her shoulder gently against Sunae’s. “One of my ancestors was part of the first expedition to Miraya. We have an attic full of things left behind by various family members. We’ve never managed to go through all of it properly, but you’re welcome to come and have a look.”

This is how Sunae finds herself cross-legged on the dusty floor of Talia’s ridiculously big attic, cross-eyed after three continuous days of rifling through boxes of miscellanea in dim light, unable to believe what she’s looking at.

It’s a roughly colored sketch of Yomue the warrior, copied from the temple wall. Sword and monster and moon. And beneath that, a sketch of Yomue again—a woman dressed in the same armor, holding not a sword but a scroll open in her hands. Next to her is something a little like a mirror, or a full moon: a vast circle, shaded in silver. Within it coils a spiral shadow.

Sunae isn’t sure how to interpret this, but she knows that this Yomue and the painted poet in the old Library are one and the same.

She rummages through the rest of the box which contained the sketches, and her hand touches worn leather. She pulls it out of the box and it falls open on her lap, yellowed pages crammed with neat handwriting.

It’s a diary.

  “Why do all you rich Carruceans have stuff just lying around in your attic that I’ve only been searching for my entire life?” Sunae mutters under her breath to Talia, who is sitting next to her at this dinner. She clenches her fist around her fork.

“Well, at least now you can read Yomue’s poetry!” Talia whispers back.

Dr. Sotkin, a dear friend of Dr. Janner, carries on explaining to everyone how he recovered the lost manuscript of Yomue’s poems when he was cleaning out his grandfather’s house after his grandfather recently passed away. Sunae saws away at her chunk of boiled beef.

“I’ll be publishing a translation later this year,” Dr. Sotkin announces.

Sunae takes a sip of water and a deep breath. “What kind of poetry is it?” she asks, proud of how calm and polite she sounds.

“Sadly, it only survives in fragments, but I’ve brought a copy of some of them to share with all of you as a preview.” Dr. Sotkin digs in his bag and retrieves a sheaf of papers. “I believe Dr. Janner told me you can all read Classical Mirayan?”

“Some of us better than others,” Talia murmurs to Sunae, and Sunae hides a smile behind her napkin. Some of the boys in their class seem to be getting by with barely any knowledge of Mirayan. Sunae assumes it must be their wealth that passes their exams for them.

She takes the sheet that Dr. Sotkin offers to her and scans it quickly. Her mind whirls dizzily and she pushes away her plate and reads the fragment again, more slowly this time. And again.

She closes her eyes and envisions the inscrutable moon in the night sky to steady herself. Dr. Sotkin is saying something about a man that Yomue is drinking with. “She compares her love for this man to the Moon Lake—a blessing that glimmers on and on.”

Sunae hands the sheet to Talia and holds onto the edge of the table. “Dr. Sotkin,” she says, and she isn’t able to sound calm anymore. Her voice quavers. “I don’t believe Yomue is talking about a man. I know it’s only a fragment, but it’s clear from the grammar that she’s writing about a woman.”

Dr. Sotkin frowns. “Did you not hear when I said that this is a love poem?”

“Yes, I know, and I believe that Yomue’s beloved is a woman.”

“That’s preposterous. It’s simply impossible.”

“You think it’s impossible that Yomue loved another woman?”

“What you are speaking of is highly illegal and punishable by death, young lady,” Dr. Sotkin sniffs. In both Miraya and Carrucea, yes—Sunae is extremely aware. “Are we to believe that Yomue shared these poems with the public and was not executed for her sins?”

“Well, she warded off the monster, so there were no Appeasements—”

Dr. Sotkin tugs haughtily at his cravat. “You do realize that it is possible to execute people without feeding them to a monster as you barbarians love to do?”

“Love?” Sunae’s voice is shrill to her own ears; drums thunder in her ribcage. “You think we love having to feed people to a monster every ten years to keep it from destroying our whole island?”

Dr. Sotkin’s face is pink as the sand on Miraya’s beaches. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Yes,” Dr. Janner joins in. “Sunae, your behavior of late has been extremely rude and disruptive and I’m afraid we cannot tolerate this. Dr. Sotkin is the foremost expert on Classical Mirayan and he will not be insulted by your bumbling reading of this poem.”

“But she’s right!” Talia protests, jabbing at the sheet of paper. “Dr. Janner, Sunae’s right. Look at this line here.”

“It’s all right,” Sunae says, putting her hand on Talia’s arm. “I’m leaving.”

  Sunae’s head is still spinning from the fragment of Yomue’s poetry. It was so much like the poems that she has been writing about Oaru, folded into envelopes and sent across the ocean to her lover. One was about the glow of sweat and moon-water on Oaru’s skin, the night they drifted together in the Moon Lake, the last night they spent together.

And now, this letter from her mother. She sinks to the floor of the post room and clutches her knees. She is going to be sick.

The door creaks open. She looks up and Talia is there. “I’m so sorry,” Talia says. “You were such a fearsome warrior back there, speaking up to Sotkin like that. He’s utterly dreadful. Janner, too. I want to lock them both up in my attic and never let them out. Janner revoked your scholarship but he hasn’t even tried to suspend me.”

Sunae stares at Talia and cannot speak. Talia doesn’t know about the letter yet. She thinks Sunae is just upset about what happened at the dinner, but the world is crumbling at Sunae’s feet and Talia has no idea.

A smile stretches across Talia’s face. “Can you believe your legendary Yomue’s one of us?”

Sunae’s shoulders loosen a little. “One of us?”

“One of us,” Talia repeats and holds her hand out to Sunae, and Sunae understands. Instead of taking Talia’s hand, she lifts up the letter and gives it to Talia.

Talia reads it and is speechless, too. She sits down next to Sunae and together they watch the flickering light bulb. It is no moon, but it soothes, somehow.

Eventually, Talia asks, “When is the next Appeasement? Will you make it back in time?”

“If I leave at dawn, I might,” Sunae says, hoarsely.

“You’ll be arrested too if you go back, won’t you?”

Sunae nods.

“But you’re definitely going.”

Sunae nods again.

“Good luck,” Talia whispers. “If you don’t die, write me a poem. You have my address.”

She kisses Sunae’s forehead.

  Sunae crosses the ocean home. She prays to the Goddess. She prays to Yomue.

She writes.

  Which is what brings us here, to Sunae’s nineteenth birthday, and Sunae and Oaru on the beach where they first met ten years ago. “I love you,” Sunae says to Oaru. There is white sea-spray in Oaru’s windblown hair, and if Sunae’s plan doesn’t succeed, she wants this to be the last thing she ever sees.

She closes her eyes. The waves lap the shore. Her lungs are full of salt air. The moon caresses her face with its white light.

She opens her mouth.

The truth comes out.

Sunae wrote that silly poem when she was twelve, where I saved my husband from the monster. I laughed when I heard her read it to her classmates. Now she is a much better poet, and she has learnt so much—from sketches and diaries and mistranslated fragments—and this is what she tells the Mirayans.

Four hundred years ago, Yomue loved another woman, and they had flowers and wine and stars; they chased phoenix foxes together in the valleys. They ate tortoise fruit and kissed each other’s mouths purple. They wrapped themselves in moonlight.

Yomue was skilled with the sword, but even more skilled with words, and she was the Goddess’ favorite. She could not stand by and watch a monster kill more people in her town. She wove a spell out of poetry and enchanted the monster, led it to the Moon Lake where it slumbered for as long as she lived, and longer, because she taught others the poem.

But the Carruceans came; they brought their laws with them, and they knew how powerful fear was. How to control a people with it. Fire bloomed in the Library; in the temple, fresh paint dried on the wall. Yomue the poet was erased from history. The monster was awoken, and anyone who caused trouble could be thrown into its devouring jaws.

“Now you tell me I cannot love Oaru.

  We chase a phoenix fox that Yomue tamed once,

Reborn from the ashes of the Library.

It hides poems in its fur.

Tell the phoenix fox I cannot love Oaru.

  We eat tortoise fruit grown from centuries-old trees,

Roots as deep as our island.

It hides poems in its rind.

Tell the tortoise fruit I cannot love Oaru.

  We bathe in the Moon Lake Yomue drank from,

Water sacred to the Goddess.

It hides poems in its bed.

Tell the Moon Lake I cannot love Oaru.

  Tell the Goddess I cannot love Oaru.

Tell Yomue. Tell her and the woman she loved.

Go back in time and bind her to this pillar and

Tell her she was wrong.”

  The monster rises out of the sea, torrents of water cascading from its back.

Oaru was arrested because of Sunae’s poetry. Because Oaru’s father found the incriminating poems, because Sunae had sent so many and they overflowed, spilled, flooded Oaru’s room. Poems alight with the memories of all that Oaru and Sunae did together, all the times they were wide-eyed travelers in the landscape of each other’s bodies, all the smoldering hearths they built in the secret corners of each other’s hearts.

The monster bellows and the earth quakes and Sunae is not afraid. She knows she is not the first who has been here. She is not the first who has done this.

  “Let her tell you she is me.

Let her open her mouth and

Sing the monster to sleep

Again.”

  Sunae’s pores still have the magic blessing of moon-water in them, and I am with her. Through her, I sing. I was here, like her. I loved, like her. I fought the monster and won, and she will, too.

  If you visit the Temple of Moon Goddess today, you will see this scene painted alongside my mural in the prayer hall:

The monster walks spellbound across the island, and the Mirayans walk with it, every one of their faces slack with awe. Sunae leads them, freed from her shackles.

She holds Oaru’s hand.

  END

  “The Lamentations of Old Money” is copyright Chanter 2019.

“Tell the Phoenix Fox, Tell the Tortoise Fruit” is copyright Cynthia So 2019.

This recording is a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives license which means you can share it with anyone you’d like, but please don’t change or sell it. Our theme is “Aurora Borealis” by Bird Creek, available through the Google Audio Library.

You can support GlitterShip by checking out our Patreon at patreon.com/keffy, subscribing to our feed, or by leaving reviews on iTunes. You can also pick up a free audio book by going to www.audibletrial.com/glittership or buying your own copy of the Summer 2018 issue at www.glittership.com/buy

Thanks for listening, and we’ll be back soon with a reprint of “Instar” by Carrow Narby.

Episode #66: “Tell the Phoenix Fox, Tell the Tortoise Fruit” was originally published on GlitterShip

[sierradorotheia]

CURRENT FAVES vol 3

So I know it’s been REALLY long since the last ~current faves~ post. It’s been six months since I moved out of the North and back down South... but I just never found the time to write something remotely “worth-while” (despite the unemployment back in the Fall!) but here it is anyway. I am also thinking about doing a “Life Update” post of some sort, since I have a post on my Drafts that’s been sitting there after I moved out of Yellowknife. 

Aaand... without any much further ado...

*** MAKEUP ***

Dior Backstage Foundation ~ this started as a sample from when I had a makeover done at Sephora. I absolutely love this foundation’s longevity and that it has a satin finish. Lately I’ve been steering clear of matte foundations because of the season. I get compliments with my flawless face with this foundation. The only thing I dislike about it is the fact that it’s not pump; for something high-end, you would think it would have a different, less-messy packaging. But overall, I wish this foundation is not expensive enough for me to use all the time. 

CoverFX Highlighting Drops ~ again, another deluxe sample I got from Sephora. I’m still using the sample I got actually- and man this liquid highlighter is just the stuff of the goddesses. I swear I always look GLOWY and naturally radiant with these drops. I saw some videos where people mix a drop or two with their foundations, but I use it on my cheekbones, bridge of my nose and my chine. I don’t even have to use a highlighting powder after! I would definitely buy the full size when I run out, but this deluxe sample bottle is lasting me ages.

Charlotte Tilburry Hollywood Contour ~ this cream contour stick is so worth the splurge. I had the Sephora makeup artist use this on me when I had a makeover done, and I just knew I got to have it. It was out of stock for the longest time in-store and online and I finally took the plunge when it went back in stock on the day Sephora was having the 20% off event. This contour is so good on its own--- on a very important night-out. It’s very natural-looking and long-lasting. I can’t stress enough how much I love this product, and I also wish I can use this all the time if not for the price point!

Sephora Lip Plumper in Nude ~ so... I’m not really a believer in lip plumpers and stuff. I just don’t think it ever works, not that I’ve tried one before. I was on my lunch break at work and watching itsjudytime on YouTube and she featured this as one of her all-time faves. I checked the website and I assumed it wouldn’t be too pricey since it’s a Sephora brand, and I was right. My office is inside a mall with a Sephora so I picked one up on the same day. I can’t say it works per se but I like the tingly effect it has (like it’s actually doing something lol) and since I am never a fan of glossy lips, I can make an exception with this. The nude colour is so universal and perfect for me!

Artistry Highlighter ~ bestfriend got this for me for Christmas, and while I am not familiar with the Artistry brand, I was excited to try this (I mean, you can never have so many high-lighters right?!). My favourite is the gold and pink highlights as they have really natural look and finish to it, and the fact that it stays put all-day is really a plus. 

No POREblem Primer Touch in Sol ~ I haven’t bought a full-sized primer in a while just because I have so many deluxe samples I haven’t yet exhausted, but this primer is so satiny, and silky.. love the scent and the way it applies.

*** SKIN CARE/HAIR CARE ***

Mario Badescu Face Mist - Green Tea and Aloe Vera ~ you might already know I’m quite fond of the Mario Badescu line- and how exciting that Sephora carries MB now, too! I immediately purchased the Green Tea and Aloe and Lavender face mists. I loved the GT one but not so much the lavender; the latter has a scent that I kind of don’t like, and I wish I bought a smaller bottle to start. Now I’m just miserably trying to finish it at work... but the GT is very refreshing, very soothing!

Lush Body Wash ~ I am partially embarrassed to say that for a couple of months, I was a body wash-sample hoarder at at least four locations in my City. Like... I would go from stores to stores and shamelessly get at least two samples of body wash (most times, without even purchasing anything), and they were generous with their samples, too! I feel so bad for abusing the system... but I finally took the plunge and bought full-sized bottles. The ones I like by Lush are : Sleepy, Happy Hippy, American Cream, Olive Branch, and Rose Jam. They all smell amazing, very bubbly... and I liked having variations in my shower so I can use whatever suits my mood. It adds to the excitement of showering. lol L'Occitane Foot Cream ~ I know it’s still sub-zero temps outside but... sandals season is just around the corner! I finally ditched Soap and Glory’s foot cream and while I was on a hunt for new one, I stumbled upon this product on Sephora and just basically trusted the buyer reviews. I like how creamy this is, a little goes a long way for sure compared to S&G... and it has echinacea extract, which apparently helps wick away foot odour. So far I’m liking this, and I don’t even have to use the foot board all the time before applying this foot cream.

Bath and Body Works Smoothing Body Scrub ~ I’ve always been a fan of BBW scrubs because of how fine they are, they smell SOOO good, and they actually do the job of exfoliating and keeping my skin smooth and supple. Right now I have the Comfort and Love scents in my shower, and I am still waiting for the Energize one to be available in-store. This scrubs are so perfect post-waxing or post-shaving.

Redken All-Soft Shampoo & Conditioner ~ this was the shampoo and conditioner used by my hairdresser during my last haircut appointment, so I decided to purchase a full bottle to take home. It lives up to its claim of all-soft. My hair does not look dull, and the softness and silkiness is almost instant and last until the day after.

BrioGeo Scalp Revival Shampoo/Conditioner/Scalp Drops ~ I was on the fence about including these on the current favourites since I have only used this three times exactly, but I just used it today so I figured I’d tell you what I thought about it. I use the three together of course, and while they recommend you use the products 2-3 times a week, I have only been using them every two weeks or so, just because I don’t think it actually cleanses the hair and especially after a workout, I would love that clean feeling on my hair. So  from what I noticed, the shampoo and conditioner combo sort of weighs my hair down, but I think that’s part of the process. It’s a treatment, so I would understand how it won’t make your hair feel fab right after usage. It has a cooling effect from the peppermint right after rinsing and I LIVE FOR THAT. It feels amazing, soothing, calming... you name it. I can still feel it now and it’s been three hours since I washed my hair. I just have to keep using it I guess, but I don’t know if I’m ready to take the plunge and buy the pricey full-sized bottles!

Hempz Body Lotion ~ you can tell I’ve been using this lotion for quite sometime lol... I really love the scent of this lotion. So clean... so subtle. And it smells like the lotions they have at the nail spa that they apply to my hands after my manicure. 

Burberry Her ~ this is my current scent, and God knows it took me forever to change scents. First time I tried this perfume out, I thought it was too sweet. But I love how it smells shortly after. It’s very feminine... and I don’t even mind that because this is Burberry’s new scent, there might be tons of other women wearing the same scent.

  Vasanti Face Scrub ~ this item was in my FabFitFun box way back when, and after I ran out of my ExfoliKate (and refusing to repurchase unless I used up all the samples I have), I decided to finally give this a shot. I am all for the fine microbreads this scrub has, and it does leave my face bright and smooth in the morning.

Mount Lai Rose Quartz Face Roller ~ I’ve been wanting to try this product for the longest time, and then I forgot about it... and Sephora began carrying Mount Lai face rollers and I knew I just have to pull the trigger. My only regret is not buying the bigger size, as I did not know there was such, but this mini-size does the trick just as well. I pop this in the fridge and I just use it at night after my night time skincare. It’s very relaxing, and you just want to keep doing it over and over. You have to make sure you know how to properly use it though! Watch the video they have on the Sephora website here 

*** MISCELLANEOUS ***

Bergamot Waters Three-Wick Candle ~ finally, a home scent that the boyfriend and I agreed on! We have this as a plug-in, and the candles, and has very nice scent that’s not over powering. 

Essential Oils ~ I know I’m a little too late on the essential oils wagon, but we finally tried this out with our humidifier and while I’m not sure if it’s really doing anything health-wise, it helps me sleep better so that’s kinda good.

Anytime Fitness Workout App ~ I stopped doing CrossFit workouts since late January, and being in the CrossFit bubble for over two years, I really don’t know what to do at the gym without any direction. I decided to check out the free Anytime Fitness app that came with my gym membership, and I’m quite happy with the results so far. I feel like I’m pushing harder this way, and at my own pace so I feel as though I am less prone to injure myself. The App has different workouts every 8 weeks so you can switch things up and confuse your muscles!

[qm-vox]

Retail Service: A Customer’s Guide

Those of you who know me personally or who read Dungeon Life Quest likely already know that I’ve worked in customer service (specifically, fast food and retail) for something like the last six or seven years. Even my dubiously legal employment (carnivals: not even once) has been some form of directly interacting with the public. What you may be less aware of is that part of the reason I’ve stayed with this work is I - wait for it - actually like it. I like resolving people’s difficulties, interacting with the public, and being a positive representation of a company.

Admittedly I could care less which specific company. I made folks like the Evil Empire back in the day (twice; the fast food one and then the retail one) and I don’t regret it whatsoever.

This long stint of experience has also lead me to realize that most of my customers have no fucking idea how to BE customers, though. Many have no idea of the services available to them or how to navigate the store; others do ignorant-ass shit in the checkout line that drives us absolutely bonkers. So here following is a short guide to improving your retail experience, helpfully broken down into subheadings depending on what you’d like to know.

GENERAL TIPS

- Don’t shop hungry. You already knew this too. You’ve reduced me to saying some shit you already know because y’all can’t fuckin’ contain your shit. Eat a bagel or an apple or something, don’t walk into my store with your gut growling and then bitch about all the shit you just bought. You knew better, I know you knew better.

- Look up. No, seriously, look up; every aisle will have a sign on both sides describing the sorts of items that are in it. Most aisles will have smaller signs at intervals in the shelves describing the sections thereof. If you don’t know what a symbol on a sign means, please, ask an employee - that’s what we’re there for. Knowing those off the top of your head can help you navigate the store. For instance, the store I work at uses a green leaf to denote the sections of a given aisle where you can find organic, all-natural, or gluten free foods. I know human beings are biologically bad at looking the fuck up but please crane your neck before detouring. Employees are happy to help but I know as a shopper I’d prefer to find my own shit if only because it sometimes takes forever to hunt up a worker.

- Most stores have their ad somewhere near the door. This will have the current sales, the dates those sales are valid for, and contain information on any restrictions of type, item, or amount that might be relevant to your shopping. If you forgot your ad at home, or you don’t receive an ad at home, pick one up on your way in; it’ll do you a world of good. A note of caution: printing online ads doesn’t always or even often necessarily reflect your local store. Tread lightly.

- When we tell you a policy and you cheat your way around it, you’re not being clever, you’re just forcing the cashier or service desk employee to choose between upholding policy and risking a writeup. When you “do two orders” on a restricted sale or ask us to make an exception for your expired raincheck, you’re being an asshole. That it’s low-grade enough to get waived through because the chances of Corporate actually catching us is nil doesn’t change this fact. Please fucking do not.

- Related to the above, if you’re into Extreme Couponing or otherwise using quite a few coupons for whatever reason, please, PLEASE, for the love of whatever God you hold dear, ORGANIZE YOUR SHIT. We are happy to serve you. We’re happy to help you save money! All we would like is for you to have your coupons in order, to bear with us during the inevitably large and likely complex order that results, and to believe us if a particular coupon ends up being expired, in conflict with policy, or what have you. Please. I swear to fuck we start every shift looking forward to working and sometimes we actually leave them happy, throw us a fucking bone here.

- Don’t come into our store drunk. Seriously. I cannot believe that I have to suggest this out loud to human beings in the Year Of Our Lord 2017 but experience suggests to me that I do. Do you do this? Fuck you. Do you have a relative that does this? Call them up and tell them that Vox says “fuck you”. Then never do it again.

- Please, be kind. You don’t necessarily need to be courteous, but being friendly isn’t hard. Our job is more difficult than you might think and one of the difficult things about it is helping to make bad days better for our guests. We’re not asking you to brighten our days, just meet us halfway. We can solve problems, even problems in things like pricing or coupon qualification! If they come up, just...remain friendly, you know? We’ll get ya settled, I promise.

AT THE CASH REGISTER

If you’re like 90% of all retail customers on any given day in the United States of America, the cash register will be your first, last, and only contact with an employee of the company you’re giving your business to. Cashiers know this. Cashiers stupid enough to not know this get bludgeoned with it in orientation until we dream about work even when we’re at home and wake up after eight hours of dream-shifts only to go to a real one in a never-ending cycle that makes service we’re underpaid and unloved for a part of whatever is left of our godforsaken souls.

Not that I’m bitter.

So as you imagine there’s quite a bit of pressure on here even in what is to both parties a fairly comfortable routine. The following tips will help you have an easier time on your lane.

- Load the belt you fucking animal. I cannot tell you how many times someone has stood in my line with a full cart fumbling for a membership card, or a credit card they won’t need for at least six minutes, or any number of other things. Some stores do ask for, or require, a card or key fob as part of your order (Kroger uses its membership cards for sales and fuel points, f’rinstance) but the thing I need you to understand is every retailer on Earth clocks the ring time of its cashiers. When we tag in your card or scan your bottle deposit slips or in any way wake the machine at which we are imprisoned, the clock starts ticking and now we’re in the frustrating position of waiting for you to even BEGIN THE PROCESS. I realize we are there to serve you; my paycheck, essentially, is entirely related to customer service. But it’s not a spectator sport either. Put your shit on the belt, then we can start. Put it on while the person ahead of you is checking out, even! WE HAVE DIVIDERS.

- We have a script. I know that sounds stupid and it is stupid, but we have a script and we have to at least pretend to follow it. Most scripts start with some kinda greeting, some variation on “did you find everything you’re looking for?” and some version of “do you have any coupons or bottle slips” and/or “may I get your membership card?”. Some of these boilerplate questions are to make sure we, the cashier, serve you properly, so that you get your sales, don’t forget your coupons, and/or get access to items that we might have but that you weren’t able to find. Mostly, though, it’s there to provide a consistent experience, to give us something to focus on if we’re out of it for whatever physical or emotional reason, and to remind us to get into, y’know, Service Mode. Bad days happen and sometimes you don’t want to be badgered, and I get that. Let the script go down and then politely let your cashier know you would prefer not to make conversation, IF they keep talking beyond that. I’m a chatty motherfucker myself, I need the point-blank ‘please don’t’.

- Don’t fight with your cashier about company policy. We’re just cogs in the machine guys. Our power is limited. If you believe there’s been an error, that you have been treated unfairly, or that your service has been less than adequate, ask for the floor supervisor or a manager. If you’d rather not have your cashier summon them, ask for them at the Service Desk (may also go by Customer Care Center in some businesses). This isn’t a nuclear option, this is normal escalation of responsibility. You’re fine. This may also be the case when something isn’t necessarily WRONG, but your question or request goes beyond our power and WE escalate it to get you served. Again, this is normal! Be at peace with the Summoning Of The Management.

- We’ve seen whatever scam or cheat you’re trying. We know you don’t actually have two orders. We don’t believe that you’re getting that extra raincheck on a clutch sale “for your sister”. Don’t demean us with your fucking lies. We already don’t get paid enough to have things like dignity, peace of mind, or more than one meal a day. You cheating the system is what caused the draconian policies in the first place. Do you really want to go to your grave knowing that you sold your personal integrity in a supermarket of all places? Aim a little higher, god damn.

- Rain checks and bottle slips must be honored at the store which issued them. If you have a Coinstar slip, it must be redeemed at the store in which the machine is located. Don’t fuck this up for the rest of us.

- Our offers of help are sincere! When we ask if you’d like a carry-out, it’s part of the job, not a burden. Offers to price-check an item, retrieve additional items, take care of spare trash, etc are the sorts of little courtesies that we’re honestly happy to provide. If you have questions, we’ll try to answer them. If we can’t, we’ll escalate ‘em. Please don’t hesitate to ask your cashier - who is, again, essentially a customer service representative slowly gaining repetitive wrist strain - for assistance of any kind. Even if they can’t personally help you, they’ll get someone who can.

- Big items can stay in your cart, I promise. Leave the dog food, 32-packs of water or beer, or what-the-fuck-ever in there. We have a scan gun. The only thing you’re doing by putting that shit on the belt is hurting yourself and others.

- Please honor express lanes. They are straight-up not designed for big orders. Even if you’re not holding up a line (and you will always end up holding up a line) you’ve made this eight times harder for no reason other than to be an asshole. I get that no one likes to wait in line but it will honestly be faster for you to go wait in a full lane’s line than it will be to fight the express lane. Trust me.

SELF CHECKOUT

Whoever invented this needs to burn in Hell. “Hey let’s take this shockingly complex process and have the public do it with no training or guidance” like just please die pal, die and go screaming into the Pit, fuck you.

- Tap the screen to start. Scan your membership card or equivalent at the top of the order. You will save yourself a shitload of grief.

- If you forgot your membership card, you’re still fine. You can put it in any time during the order as long as you haven’t finished paying. You will likely need to be on the main screen (if you advanced to the pay screen, look for a GO BACK or RETURN button) and scan it or else enter the alternate ID code. Sales might not appear immediately; they WILL appear, if they’re in the system, after you advance to the payment screen. If after your card is in and you’ve advanced to the pay screen there’s still a sales discrepancy, alert the self-check attendant.

- LEAVE YOUR ITEMS ON THE SCALE UNTIL YOU HAVE FINISHED PAYING AND THE RECEIPT PRINTS

- LEAVE THEM THERE

- DON’T FUCKING TOUCH THEM YOU BACKWARDS SAVAGE OH MY GOD

- THE MACHINE IS A SCALE BADLY BOLTED TO A SHITTY COMPUTER IT HAS NO IDEA THAT YOU ALREADY SCANNED A THING

- IT LITERALLY ONLY UNDERSTANDS THAT IT NEEDS TO WEIGH X POUNDS Y OUNCES AND IF IT WEIGHS ANYTHING DIFFERENT IT WILL FLIP ITS SHIT ALL OVER YOU AND US

- IF THE SCALE IS FULL TELL THE ATTENDANT THEY HAVE WAYS TO HELP YOU, DO NOT JUST TAKE YOUR SHIT OFF IT

- MOTHERFUCKER LEAVE THE SCALE ALONE I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL PEEL THE FLESH BACK FROM MY FACE AND HAUNT YOUR HOUSE AT NIGHT WITH MY OOZING MUSCULATURE SEE IF I FUCKING DON’T

- Many self-checks are also express lanes. Please honor this.

- SERIOUSLY LEAVE YOUR SHIT ON THE SCALE

FUEL

- The bulletproof glass is legally there to protect us from you. It is actually there to protect you from us.

- Do not smoke at the pump. Do not fuel your vehicle with the vehicle still on. Do not put gas in shit not intended to hold gas. I need to make this absolutely clear: no gas station attendant believes you when you say that your cigarette can’t ignite gasoline. You know what we do believe? That we won’t get written up for hitting the emergency switch and slamming your ass with our booth chair. Put it out, turn it off, everyone gets to go home alive. Do you really want to show up in Hell and have to say you killed two to eighteen people because you decided three minutes was too long to wait to light one up? No? Good.

- There is no ‘fill it up’ button when pre-paying, not even with a card. A generic authorization in the hands of an attendant would be too vulnerable to theft, fraud, or nepotism. If you’re pre-paying for any reason, with any form of tender, we need you to define a specific amount. I generally find the best option is to over-pay and get your change back, if you can swing it.

- If you’re paying at the pump, the machine will have clear prompts. Read them carefully and follow them. Most places with membership cards will let you scan them out at the machine. If the machine is for some reason not taking it, you may have to pre-pay, in which case see above.

- If it rejects your debit card there might not be anything wrong. Some debit cards just get twitchy at the pump; try it as a credit instead. If it bounces you THEN, pre-pay. If the pre-pay turns you down then you’ve got a problem.

- Most fuel centers are forbidden by policy and/or the programming on the computer to make change. This may be different if it’s a full convenience store setup; I’m less personally familiar with those.

- Trying to intimidate or bully employees to get your way is stupid to begin with but I would like to reiterate that we have bulletproof glass out here. If you can get through it, do whatever you want. If you can’t, mind your manners.

CUSTOMER SERVICE DESK

This may go by a few different names or be split into more than one desk depending on the size and company of your retailer. Other names to look out for include Customer Care, the Customer Care Center, or Money Services, among others. Generally this is where the store will handle sensitive and important things like bill payments, returns, check cashing, key making, membership modifications, and the like. The following tips can smooth out your experience here.

- Please do not approach the desk until invited. We deal with stupid amounts of money up here and the drawer needs personal space. Additionally, we may be wrapping up documents that contain another customer’s sensitive information. Like a bank teller, we’ll call you when we’re ready.

- If we ask for your ID, we need it. We don’t want to ask. Trust me, we do not want to ask. Every transaction that requires a government-issued photo identification adds like six extra steps that are prone to small errors causing us to have to start the ENTIRE TRANSACTION over again. If we ask you for it it is because it is strictly necessary.

- Likewise, we only ask you for your Social Security, usually silently entered onto a pin pad, because it is strictly necessary that we do so.

- If we tell you that we can’t do something, chances are we are physically or mechanically incapable of doing it. If we’re refusing to do something we’ll state that clearly, usually with the word ‘refuse’ and an explanation. If you feel you have been ill-served at that point, feel free to request management.

- Trying to bully us up here isn’t any smarter than at the fuel center. We might not have glass but we do have backup and we’ll call the cops at the first sign of trouble. If you’re gonna get belligerent, save everyone some time and just rob the place ‘cause you’re about to get arrested anyway. Even if your intent was to cheat the system in the first place, why get tagged as the asshole no one likes instead of, say, the kindly confused person who just needs something done?

- Yes, there really is a fee on that service. Yes, it really is that much. We’re genuinely sorry but regs are regs and nobody in that store, not even the management, is paid enough to duck the feds for you. We love you but we don’t love you that much.

- Information on money transfers like Western Union or MoneyGram must be filled out correctly and verified as an exact match. If you go to pick up your order and you spelled a name or something even ONE LETTER DIFFERENT, not only can we not help you, we can’t even legally tell you what’s wrong. I know it sounds stupid. I don’t really like doing it myself, I feel bad about myself as a person when I can’t get my customer served appropriately, but again, no one is being paid enough to dodge the feds for you. We can direct you to their customer service, but chances are the person sending the money has all the power here and they need to fix it on their side.

- If we tell you we need cash only for something, we mean it.

- Seriously, don’t try to argue, we don’t have the physical or mechanical capability to force the machine to accept a non-standard form of payment. They program these things to lock us out of doing shit we’re not allowed to do specifically to prevent scammers or in-store theft perpetrated by employees collaborating with customers. Don’t even fucking start. Go to an ATM or go to another store but don’t hold up my line trying to get me to do some shit I’m literally incapable of.

- Return policy is also non-negotiable. If we check your return before we process it, it is not personal paranoia, it’s professional paranoia. You would be AMAZED what items are high-theft-volume and we check everything on that list. We’ve seen Some Shit and checking you before we handle your needs is just routine at this point.

- The customer service desk is an excellent place to ask questions about the services a store can provide for you, such as tickets to local events, seasonal products, hours, sale periods, etc so forth. That’s one of our main functions, please feel free to take advantage of it!

- We CAN check out small orders at the desk like a cashier. We CANNOT check out any item that is priced by weight, such as, say, bananas. The reason for this is simple: we don’t have a scale.

It’s 3 in the fucking morning and I probably missed shit. Anyone have questions or concerns I can expand on further?

[safety-net-did]

Hobbies! I'm good with hobbies! (If you define "good" as having too many)

Learn an instrument

Especially the "strange" ones are reasonably cheap, like kazoo, harmonica, recorder. You can even learn the basics of drumming for very cheap, just get some sticks and a bucket :)

Drawing/zentangles/colouring

Probably one of the first ones to come to mind. Basic needs are really cheap, but also something that could be upgraded over time.

Reading!

Your local library has thousands of books, ebooks, and audiobooks all available to you for free!

Writing

Similar to drawing, cheap materials (or free if you already have a device that you choose to use)

Pixel art

You can do exceptional things with just MS Paint or similar. Other programs that are good for it are often also free.

Genealogy

I don't do this one, so I know less about it, but I know most libraries have access to genealogy resources.

Hand embroidery

This one can be expensive depending what you're trying to do. But for about 10$ you can get set up with some very basic supplies at a dollar store

Spinning

Like, yarn. A drop spindle is very simple and cheap to make, and fibre can be very cheap if you're not getting luxury things. You can dye it yourself with food coloring. If you learn to knit, crochet, or some other string-craft, you get twice as much hobby for one pay out.

Exercise

Unless you're buying equipment or a gym membership this is basically free. Jogging, stretching, yoga, etc..

Micro crochet

If you know how to crochet and have good eyes I'd give this a shot! You can crochet with embroidery floss or seeing thread (I use the thicker reinforced thread). Making teddies the size of your knuckle is oddly rewarding!

Collecting

Depending on what you collect this can be cheap or expensive. I collect pop-tabs. It's really cheap. But I also collect TsumTsums, which aren't so cheap. Researching the things you collect is a lot of fun too.

Flower pressing

Kinda like collecting. You can make your own press at home.

Mobile games

I know you're probably looking for something a little more "irl", but there are some really neat mobile games out there.

Puzzles

Thrift store puzzles tend to be really cheap. I know some people have even managed to work out deals with their thrift stores-- they take the puzzles home, put them together to check the pieces are all there, then drop them back.

Rubik's cube

Similar to puzzles, but this one travels well. Learn the algorithms to solve a Rubik's cube. Practice and try to beat your own solve time!

Nail art

This one is on the more expensive side. I get all my polishes on clearance for that reason. But playing with nail polish, trying new combinations/designs can be very soothing. Plus a few go a long way.

Whittling/carving

If you're not scared of knives. At its most basic you only need a pocket knife and a stick (a sharpening stone is helpful though).

Origami

If you use scrap paper, this is free. You can get fancier papers though :)

House design

My dad is an architect, so I grew up designing house layouts. I especially like trying to figure out tinyhouse designs, for the challenge. If desired you can then turn your designs into scale models. That can either become costly or be a recycling project.

Building blocks

Lego is a bit expensive. But don't let purists make you think that's the only choice. Even the dollar store brands can be really fun to play with. There is something about making ideas come to life...

Sculpting

This can be as cheap as a dollar block of plasticine . Similar to blocks, making form in 3D from your head is so neat!

I've gone on way too long, but yeah. That's some things that I do/have done/have heard of. I frickin' LOVE hobbies. I basically collect them.

could you suggest some hobbies/interests for alters that just want simple fun things that also aren't too expensive? a lot of my alters are bored and i feel bad... i want them to be able to experience life too, you know...

Hey this is a great question! Inexpensive hobbies may include using stuff around the house, such as old coloring books or paper and pencil to draw or write. You could ride a bike, scooter, or skateboard if you have one, or just getting outside by walking or hiking. We actually like arts and crafts, we make bracelets with thread (a large box is about $7), but you could also try painting. With school soon, lots of arts supplies will be on sale, so be sure to check local stores! Gardening can also be cheap, seeds can be low priced as can small plants. Researching topics can also be really fun, which might include reading, watching videos, and more. Even singing is a hobby, and it only uses your voice!

I hope some of these ideas are helpful!

- mod neptune

[jumpchain-drop]

Chapter 4.13: 5.25 Years

Year 6, day 91: As we defend the Firma Fortress and the towns from monster attack going into the back half of the decade, I felt it pertinent to go through all the resources that we managed to get together. And by “get together,” I meant “buy all the way back at the beginning of this thing.” Something I really wished I did a lot earlier.

First off was our own personal fleet of ships: Cody’s shop boat, Shadow and Zorro’s submersibles, and (if they were here) Timothy. Plus whatever Maria and Tooty’s boats were, once we managed to get there.

We also had a large number of mason jars – or, to use the Zelda vernacular, Bottles – and “complimentary coupons” for Beedle’s shop. One each for each of us, except Shadow who got two Bottles because apparently he was down to pocket change at the time. So far, all the coupons had done is cause Beedle to give its user a very weak compliment. As well as prompt that from anyone we showed it to. Kinda next to useless. Though the Bottles have been in constant use by us to store things like health potions. Cody’s bought a copy of the recipe that turns Chu Jelly into potions and has set up large stores of potion in the Warehouse, so we won’t be out of stock for the rest of our stay here on that front. He wants to look into setting up a Chu breeding pen in the Warehouse, but we’re currently a little short-manned for that.

Cody and Zorro had started out with each of three decorative flowers on pot-like pedestals. They made good inventory for awhile, as every time one was sold, two more appeared in Cody’s shop’s storage lockers or the Warehouse. Eventually we stopped selling them to keep them from running roughshod all over the Warehouse and had to dump several in the ocean. Cody traded these with other merchants (which, thankfully, didn’t cause them to multiply) to get other decorative items, such as flags and statues. We’ve kept a couple of those for taking along, especially since they don’t multiply. I like the Hero’s Flag the most; I had a badge of it for my 3DS, but never had any idea before that point what it actually was.

Cody also started with this gold membership card from Beedle. He could get at least 10% off any purchase anywhere with it, and somehow even increase the prices of his own inventory by 10% without anyone batting an eye. Combine this with his hard bargaining skills, and I wasn’t kidding when I said Cody makes for a scary business mogul. Thankfully he’s mild enough to fund expanding and building the towns in the first place instead of monopolizing everything.

From what I remember of Bolt’s items – which is, y’know, everything – he had another bottle that came with a constantly hot serving of soup made with love. And probably also actual ingredients, he refused to share. He also had his own bag, though it was different from the mailbag I had, as well as a telescope and a Tingle Tuner. I’ve had to meet Tingle a couple times when one of the treasure map configurations proved too difficult to figure out, and he’s chill enough. Cody at least managed to bring his prices down from obscene to slightly less than Disneyland would charge for it; if we had the technology to reverse-engineer the Tuner, he probably could’ve put the weird little man out of business.

Along with an identical version of Bolt’s bag, Shadow got a Hyoi Pear, which let him command seagulls. Which we could buy, and the Warehouse only replaced the previous used one once per week. In all fairness, he had no idea what he was getting into.

Along with the aforementioned wallet of bottomless money storage and her Deku Leaf, Elmily had two bottles that were noticeably different from the others. These purified and filled with life any water left in them for a few hours, which made them great for growing plants. It even got rid of the salt content if it was taken from the ocean. This comboed nicely with a power that accelerated the growth of plants she tended to without even taking into account her natural green thumb as a Grass-type, and we got enough food and Reviver Seeds to outlast any siege, with enough bumper to sell in Cody’s business. She also got a leaf-based musical instrument that vaguely resembled a violin; while she got lessons from Makar on it that I sat in on with the Mind Strings, it was sadly different enough that I only got a vague sense of how to play my own instrument. So much for the easy way of soothing Anita’s heart.

Zorro, bless his heart, had the most surprising choices. Not the telescope, he just wanted one of his own, but the other things. Apparently several locations within the Great Sea were available to purchase, from Outset Island to the Forsaken Fortress to the Tower of the Gods, but none of the descriptions (as far as they could remember) specified anything about what would happen after the world ended. It wasn’t like any of those places could fit in the Warehouse, after all. But you know that island cabana that was owned by that schoolteacher that Link could come to own after bribing her with enough shinies? Zorro owns it. We legally owned an island that we could’ve used as a base this entire time and he didn’t tell us. I asked as calmly as I could, with Terra holding my hand just in case, and he said that I looked so deadset on taking on the Fortress as our home base, he didn’t want to ruin it for me.

I don’t deserve this kid.

And finally was our collective weapons assortment. Apparently one of the choices gave an option of two weapons and not a lot of limitations on what exactly besides weapon and shield. My hammer and shield came from that choice being forced on me. Hylians, A.K.A. everyone else but Terra, got it for free and they took it aside from Cody (he told me it slipped his mind from being overwhelmed by the whole process), so altogether, those produced one hammer, one sword, one lance, three shields, two daggers, and one boomerang. And then there were the special swords that were separate purchases.

Bolt had gotten a copy of the depowered Master Sword that he used almost exclusively instead of the plain sword he got. It had also gotten a bit of a chargeup for a while during the last leg of Link’s quest, but it since faded after the Earth and Wind Temples flooded. Most of the time he fought with it, though, he filled it with his own electrical power; since we had come here, he had managed to learn Discharge. The most fascinating part about this was that it showed me the interesting difference between human world and Mystery Dungeon Pokémon – he still had separate PP stores for each move and could always use them at full power, as could Cody, while Terra, Shadow, Manaphy, and I had a single PP well for all our moves but only half the strength if we weren’t in Pokémon form. In any case, Bolt had taken it with him when he left.

But that pales in comparison to what Zorro got. For no other reason than name alone, he had bought the Phantom Sword. By itself, it was merely effective at damaging incorporeal enemies like ghosts at any time instead of having to wait for them to make themselves vulnerable, as well as providing some resilience to time-based effects. What made it so extraordinary was the hilt had a slot in it that fit my Phantom Hourglass perfectly, providing a perfect place to hold and use it in a combat situation instead of trying to fiddle with a thing on my belt.

So I, along with Elmily in human form who could pass as a Hylian named Terra easily enough, recently started taking up swordsmanship training with Orca on Outset Island. My hammer delivers a strong enough blow, but against Anita, I’m going to want the power of the Phantom Hourglass as easily accessible as possible. Elmily, meanwhile, wanted to mitigate how relatively useless being a Torterra on a sailing ship was when it came to combat (especially if it was one we didn’t want to sink in the process) and most of her moves, and while she was bipedal on the Isle o’ Hags, she still fought primarily as a Torterra; she needed to learn how to fight with a human body so she could provide all the help she could. I can trust Shadow to watch Firma Fortress while we’re on the other side of the ocean for this.