#except when im spamming my bullshit

[goldammerchen]

quickly done fave heta ship list:

prussia x everybody (tl;dr)

germany x everybody

just kidding. here:

prussia x hungary: OTP <3... one of my first ships, potential childhood friends to lovers (or not), could be one-sided :D, femdom, etc. they are bickering constantly even this day in canon lol, i love them both so much. also i never have a solified hc for erszi, i like thinking her as gnc, queer, both (new tag: #t4t pruhun)... does any of this mean i think they can work? lol, lmao (maybe). better luck in human aus...! well tbh this is how i interpret all nationverse ships, woops. bound to eventual tragedies, everything is temporary, unable to achieve something akin to normality--not knowing what is like either, ever. not like them can not give it a try while it last! they can always start over again!

prussia x austria: their personalities clash 👍. i am a bit picky about them tho, more than with other ships (their personalities clash 👎)... i like when people make rode dominant 😍. an enemies to lovers ship, it can have similar vibes to other similar heta ships, with their own twist from their own oppositive dispositions.

[btw, imo it was obvious from the beginning that they could be somewhat related, in heta terms/logic--as the common hc goes, i think they choose the familiar titles to be less alone in this world, instead of necessarely being blood related--now that hima called 'em cousins, that kind of makes the ship more fun to me lol, as nowadays it makes the ship ""incorrect"" and i am a contrarian piece of shit. in any case, it doesn't fucking matter, this is an old af ship and they're not real.]

frying pangle! my OT3, and my actual favorite form of the ships above (pruaus and pruhun basically always become frying pangle in my hands), while aushun it's cute, althought they should fight more--add all 3 ships here. same dynamics as above x3 (+ as doomed), with the addition of erzsi and gil both being crazy for rod, so they gotta learn to share, making rod the biggest winner--headaches aside. #🍳; #genderpangle

prussia x poland (and viceversa): ...ship order depends of time period! sub gil endgame. i always liked this ship but i didn't see any fanart in the past (so now we are talking). "i hate you... come back to me!" whole thing ;o;

honorable mention of pruliet/lietpru: personally (or how i'd work around it), i like it as gil developing some feelings that will never ever be corresponded :))), that's what he gets after making liet hate him. despite of that i love what the fandom do with both!

talking about these three, liet having to learn to tolerate prussia (enough) and developing feelings in a lietpolpru scenario... love that. aka lietpol+polpru in one, pol must be there lol.

prussia x russia: can't work; looks damn well. i like russia having a crush on prussia who, no matter what, can't quite like him back (at least that's how gil will act!), even if they get to friendly terms and are both menacing together (important point; but i also think that's always short lived). ivan unable to have normal relations in equal terms, something that plagues any of his relationships... otoh, prussia/russia (that order) it's great 👀, i love vanya!!! 💕. toxic :3! toxic overall, but i prefer gilbert *not* completely crushed down, if you know what i mean. tagged mainly with the japanese side of the fandom tag (ユキウサギ; related), translated--switched to the romaji, yukiusagi--reasoning for previous use here.

germany x prussia: in that order! one-sided! most of the time i prefer them just as bros (germany&prussia), except when i like to entertain the idea of germany being a little tiny bit weird about his big bro :), big bro who behaves as a proud mom which can be off-putting to humans who know them (expect them to act like maNnly siblings in their twenties so they are ??????). of course i don't mind shippers that play with them the other way around--it just makes me a bit uncomfortable (do what makes you happy: you're doing great!!). germancest it's hetalia's thorki (also i prefer them as just siblings lmao). tldr psychodrama potencial, when the story needs to be unsettling...

...and more ships! like btt poly (friends with benefits?) or all kinds of combinations with the 3! he/him dyke bi gil that's a top leaning switch cuz reasons, more sub than dom i wouldn't trust him as a dom lmao. him being a voluntary celibate does sounds fun--in or not the ace spectrum--but more interesting imo as ace or not ace yet very peculiar and kinky around sex... anyway: am a multishipper and can be convinced about p much anything (just be fun! these bitches are insane).

now for lud:

germany x italy (and reversed): just a classic. make feli a bit less hetare and more a little manipulative selfish little shit :)--his venetian merchant side, if you want. also remember that lud can also be dumb as hell... (is the "north european hardworkers; south europeans lazy" thing that makes me raise an eyebrow). anyway, make italy a kind AND hedonist person, 100% in love with lud (and him 100% in love with feli), but sadly finding their life styles at times clash too much. make feli a dom, whether he tops or bottoms 4 his big boyfriend. lud being tall doesn't mean he has to top or dom lol (same for ivan!! and sve!!). preferences aside, i love anything with gerita ;w;

germany x france (in any order): eu bros, both can learn a bit from each other (like somebody being more rebel lmao). enemies to lovers mandated from the state... for both surprise, it works! besides, both have a romantic side, as much as lud tries to pretend he doesn't lol. i don't see them being monogamous, which is a plus not a negative. an option when italy and england are too busy, or they are in bad terms w them etc... this does hurt both a bit: ainsi va la vie of their kin, better work around that than against it... (also add "i really really really wanted you dead" from fran @ ger lmao)... + frapru redux.

germany x russia (in that order): i never think too hard about this one. mmm, let ivan be pampered here? lud its a caring person (perhaps overcompensating for this case tho...). this ship doesn't seems (way too) imbalanced either, compared to other russia ships, without being rusame that has fruk vibes and vice versa (hope that makes sense lmaooo). its literally 2 tough guys that have a soft side.

america x germany (in that order): could be a thing... fuck buddies? can't see them as lovers... can't see america as anybody lover.

(germany as a drummer in england's band.)

when i joined the fandom i loved the gerbel fanart 🥺. can be a one night stand for bisexual homoromantic lud. maybe after a bet with monaco? lol. bel: "i kissed him in the mouth [big step in germany! similar to american soldiers in uk] and i slept with him? uhh...???? i lose a bet :("; germany: *doesn't show it but horny dude stuck in his early twenties*

...plus again any ships. i might not think about them as much as the ones listed, but i still appreciate almost anything that involves faves.

extra:

rusame/amerus; fruk/ukfr: rivals! enemies! "i hate/love you, you're the only person who understands/compliments me"

rochu! a classic. add rusamechu / black triangle to make this more unhinged.

like romechu, and i need to get into indchu (and perchu)

loving nedpan lately. japan ships: asakiku, itapan, turkpan, giripan

robul! whatever hima does with them it's cute (and funny) af.

lietpol (married and divorced but still technically together???). more liet ships: lietbela + rusliet.

(amebela)

usuk IF committed to be a freaky ship (in other/more ways other than incest... tho what i dislike its cutesy incest, compared to in dark fiction). otherwise, boring 😴. often great AUs btw... guess my actual issue with the ship is overexposure from ye olde days.

spaus, spabel (cat!spain in that event 😭), spamano or romaspa more exactly (man people really hate this one too... mentee/mentor, anyone?)

cucan... i wish there was more latam charas but do i trust hima?

...dennor and sufin, i guess??

i don't know what else right now. too many characters (and too many blondes)

i don't feel thaaat super into BL to use fujin for myself (it's literally only hetalia)... that being said, yeah, look all of this. if this comes out(?) as a complete surprise, you didn't read my about *shrug*

[nobody-is-here01]

back on my bullshit, (im here to spam you Marine Luffy stuff)

Thinking about Marine Luffy’s dynamic with the 7 warlords and it's one of the funniest things ever.

Boa Hancock is going to get her own post because I have SO MUCH to say about her and Canon! Luffy along with Marine Luffy’s dynamic with her.

Anyway, personal headcanons of what I think Marine Luffy and the Warlords dynamics are.

Doflamingo: Luffy is usually the one who during Warlord meetings has to deal with Doflamingo’s bullshit. This is partially because Luffy is the only thing that really puts the fear of god back into Doflamingo. Also, Marine luffy is absolutely feral, and terrifying, and does indeed bite. I think in some twisted ways Luffy in this AU reminds Doflamingo of when he's younger. In some fucked up way of trying to cope with trauma Doflamingo tries to simulate situations that he went through as a kid to see how Luffy reacts. To see if things had been a bit better, if things had been different, if Doflamingo could have been a better person. The Dressrosa Arc still happens in this AU except a bit later. As Doflamingo’s tyrant rein finally falls he realizes that “huh maybe we never were that similar…”

(I have no idea if this AU is a Crocomom AU or not but I’ll go ahead and write up how it would go in either situations.)

Crocodile: Dynamic is definitely more cold and distant than in an AU where Crocodile is Luffy’s other parent. Luffy is seen as a threat, and Crocodile has at least 15 different drawn-up plans on how to deal with him. (none of these plans would actually work in practice.) The dynamic is pretty much just business, you leave me be I’ll leave you be.

Crocomom: Similar to the first one. Except the first time he meets Luffy and he hears that he's Garp's grandkid he's freaking the fuck out. Because holyshit, that's his alive, grownup, kid. Crocodile has no idea how to explain to Luffy that like “hey im your biological mother, now a man, hahaha…” So Crocodile simply doesn't. (The two of them do have a heart-to-heart much later alone in Impel down during the breakout.)

Moria: Honestly I don't have much to say about him. Luffy absolutely hates Hogback and Absolom though. So Luffy has a dislike for Moria and what he does. But Moria out of all the warlords not including Kuma is the easiest to deal with, so that earns him some brownie points.

Kuma: Im not sure if you caught up with the latest chapters. (specifically his backstory chapters) so I will be staying silent for now as not to spoil anything for you.

Mihawk: Mihawk is both intrigued and concerned at the beginning. Because that is Shank’s hat, and Shank’s kid. Why is Shank’s brat in the Marines?? Mihawk also like all the other warlords tends to use Luffy as some form of a coping mechanism. It's not uncommon to hear about Luffy and Mihawk getting into another physical fight. But after a while, Mihawk does realize that he has been accidentally treating Luffy as if he is Shanks. Mihawk realizes that he can't force Luffy to become his new sparring partner. Luffy is not Shanks, and he can't fill that hole either. After Marine Ford Mihawk reads the news regularly, a rare grin on his face whenever he catches sight of a straw hat.

Jinbei: That is Luffy’s emotional support parental figure your honor! The only one who is normal, safe, and sane. Also, the only one to look at Luffy and go “Are you okay?? I don't think healthy humans are supposed to act like that.” Also, the one to get Luffy to open up and heal slowly after Marineford. Also Luffy definitely knows the full truth of what happened to Fisher Tiger in this AU, so yeah that's something.

(I am so sorry, this is a really long post 💀)

Aaaahhhhhh!!! I've missed you and your bullshit bombarding my asks!

I love how with each dynamic all of them are also like, 'alright this kid is fucked up, keep an eye on him' but for different reasons

So here are some of my thoughts on what Marine Luffy’s relationship is with the warlords (love yours so much)

Crocodile : so unfortunately not a coco-mom au, like you said their relationship is strictly business, Luffy doesn't really care for the warlords as long as they don't get in his way.

Domflamingo : Luffy finds him kinda annoying so he tries to avoid any situation where he would meet him, unfortunately he can't at warlord meetings, but he's tried, probably one of the only warlords Luffy wouldn't mind punching out of the blue, dude would punch him without reason (gets away with it too)

Kuma : (no sadly not that far yet but I know a bit of his background not much though) but Luffy likes him

Moria : almost the same relationship as Domflamingo, except he just straight up avoids him, unless he has to deal with Moria then he will and he'll do it quickly

Mihawk : one of the few warlords Luffy actually respects, he admires his fighting and his character, granted it annoyed him a bit to constantly be reminded of Shanks, like you said he also like the other warlords used luffy as some form of coping, but after he realized what he did he stopped and him and Luffy kinda became like gossip buddies, like they'd hang out whenever Mihawk was in the area, but Luffy wouldn't actively seek him out, Mihawk would have to come to him if he wanted someone to talk to or spar with,

Jimbe : only warlord and person that Luffy actually likes from the warlords, yes he likes Mihawk, but Jimbe is different, Luffy has a sort of awe for Jimbe and felt very honored to know about him and his past with Fisher Tiger, Jimbe is the only one who knows that Luffy secretly wishes he was a pirate instead of a Marine, when Jimbe asked why Luffy didn't just become a pirate now Luffy replied saying that he's made so many promises to the people he protects that he doesn't want to go back, not now at least, Jimbe is also the only one who knows about Ace and Sabo and how much Luffy misses them and how proud he is of them

absolutely love your asks 🩷

Have aa good day/night

[geniuskitten]

//VENT!!

Sometimes I feel like the ppl from Naomi iwata fanclub server(except my friends) are stalking me and showing my art for them without my permission like they did with my DeviantArt motooal gumm1

Anyways here’s an apologie for people of this server: well I also got some trauma on the server and I think some people of there might hate me sm bcus of it, if someone who participates of this server Im rlly sorry for bothering y’all when I was abt my other interests who wasn’t some of Naomi iwata shows, principally you otaku guy who I didn’t understood what you was saying, I guess I’m looking really imature and I don’t know how to admit my mistakes, please if some of them are showing my art please tell them to stop because I’m feeling uncomfortable, I know my random behavior saying and spamming random stuff was annoying y’all but I didn’t known that before, and please I didn’t thinked first when I said many bullshit on this server(which I tought it wouldn’t affect nobody), I guess is that all to I say

[riacte]

🛸 exterrasexymenpoll Follow

THE RED KING from TEAM DOGWARTS and BLUE BATS

vs

HAND OF THE KING from TEAM DOGWARTS

Please stop mentioning the Blue Stalker in our comments. They have caused a lot of distress for the Exterra community, no matter how “sexy” they are or “how many bitches” they get.

Once again, we condone voter fraud, but we draw the line at spamming our polls with links to the enemies to lovers Blue Stalker x Red King fic.

🎇 thestarsweremadeforus Follow

OFHHDFJSJDJS ITS HERE!!! DIVORCE POST!!! HAND VS KING the boyfriends are fighting!!!

Not gonna lie I was so absorbed in the potential hilarity of this matchup that I failed to realise I have to vote for someone now. I’m. Im genuinely torn 😭😭😭

💄 gaysloveqoh Follow

stop saying treebark is divorcing when they BOTH are on qoh’s side 😭 they’re united in their respect for our queen 😤

anyways idk what to do now that blueballs is out. anyone wanna make an alliance with the ballgurls 🥰

🦇 starshipspachelbel Follow

You’re right, the gays DO love qoh (gays being treebark)

This is so cruel, putting the king against his loyal hand… I am drowning, there is no sign of land, you are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand…

#RKSWEEP though (I say with tears in my eyes)

👽 blueballs Follow

sorry but the blue stalker DOES get all the bitches 😎 more sexyman energy than xisuma exterra void anyway

anyways im endorsing red king LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO

👑 princeofhearts Follow

To the #HEARTSWEEP people mourning their loss, why vote for [deadname] when you can vote for his transitioned self, the Hand of the King? Stop being so fixated on [deadname], he’s still RK’s gunner 😭

Btw the ship wars between RK x Hand vs RK x QoH are so stupid like the Hand and QoH are the same people???? Some miraculous laserbug love square type of bullshit? Anyways I support the prince of hearts 🙏

🍬 gunnerwithashotgun Follow

@/princeofhearts ur a freak, stfu!!! queen of hearts and hand of the king are TOTALLY different ppl (they have different bioneos colours) and ur being lumianphobic by thinking theyre the same even tho they're just the same SPECIES (they even have different cultures like the hand keeps on roasting rk for calling tuski "pearl" bc that's the way qoh learned it??)

🪓 handoftheking Follow

I’m adding “not False Symmetry / Queen of Hearts” to my bio. Like, she’s super cool, but I’m unfortunately not her.

Anyways, vote for me over that old man. You’re not letting a potato win, right?

💫 concorp-official Follow

Vote for the Red King! Show a screenshot that you voted for him at any ConCorp intergalactic outlet and receive a 5% discount, effective today!

⏳ rensanddaddy Follow

NOT THE OBVIOUS BRIBERY FROM MR CUB HIMSELF.... we need to vote harder for the Hand!! Just look at his blonde ass hair and blue dishwasher detergent freckles!! He's so pathetic and a meow meow and I want to lovingly crush him against the walls of a spaceship (im not the blue stalker i promise)

🐙 doctagon Follow

... guys. i. The actual Exterra official account on twt sent out the link to this poll?? The ACTUAL account?? We've breached so many layers of containment???????

🪓 handoftheking Follow

... Okay, that miiiight be my fault? It's good PR for us, right? We're the two sexiest racers in the Exterra industry on the podium together. It's good for our image, and maybe people will FINALLY stop truthing I'm transgender QoH

🌲 dilfkisser Follow

I hope we get a perfect 50/50 tie. I want homoerotic RK and his homoerotic Hand to both win. I want them to stand on the podium and make out while holding a pride flag while BlueBalls beatboxes in the shadows. I hope we all win. (Except the transgender lumian theory believers, go touch some stardust)

[iloveleeharker]

a explanation

so uh

Hi its petra :3c

OK FIRST OF ALL I HAVE TO SAY if you were one of the people i messaged i must confess i did not move away I LIED!!!! i just wanted to be alone and didnt want anyone coming to my house to check on me if they thought i was dead. I AM ALSO NOT DEAD!!! I AM ALIVE AND THRIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im doing sooooo much better (sadly still under familys control god i WISH the moving part was true sometimes but Oh well what can u do). Ummmm yeah i REALLY needed a break from the internet it was getting slightly strange being Known for something online. Like my inbox was constantly blowing up with just everything….anon hate, stupid radblr drama, discourse, ppl diagnosing me Whateverrrr it was overwhelming a lil bit. I was also like NOTTTT going outside except to work my shitty job that i hated and was overcompensating by partying way too hard but also being chihuahua level scared and noided at the same time. I maybe seized in a parking lot a little bit. Maybe. I dont remember. It is okay now. So i started getting paranoid (normal paranoid, not mentally ill paranoid) that ppl were stalking me and doxxing me and i was afraid for no reason that ppl were following me around town and coming to my house. So i wiped like all my social media and told ppl that i moved away. THAT WAS CRAZYYYYYY im okay now.

Soooo whats actually been going on with me? Welllll although i did not actually run away, a little part of the messages i sent was actually true! i quit my shit ass bartending job and now i am….a medical marijuana farmer!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE LIFE!!!!!!!!!! I also met a bunch of friends irl but they r very libfem so i have to tone down the troonhating irl. However now i get to party (RESPONSIBLY. Most of the time.) and i am very happy. Got to do a shroom (just one) and have more opportunities for more shroom in the future. All i ever wanted. I watched chainsaw man. I read chainsaw man. I went to some conventions. I went to some shows.

idkkkk I think i am going to come back to online i need a place to actually be myself and have a social media where my irl friends dont follow me. I also searched my url on here and felt very very sad when i saw all the ppl being like OMG PETRA DELETED bc i missed u guys. i think i will just leave anon off so that i dont get fucking spammed with bullshit.

Now for some shoutouts:

Swaglet i miss you. Crinkle i miss you. Alora i miss you and sorry for being the female worldoftshirts. Sapphic schizo i miss you and your free store lean. Miss svintsovoe i miss you. Uhhh uhhh uhhh who else am i missing. I miss all of u guys if we were oomfs and especially if you commented on my insane shit. Idk feel free to ask me what’s up and shit!!!! Im chilling

[snickerdoodlles]

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

(prev) hmm, maybe Hair-Trigger? like, it got a good response, i'm very grateful to everyone who's read it ❤❤❤ i don't mean in a 'im looking for more hits' sort of way, i just really love Porsche & Kim as a duo and spin them around in my head like a shiny rock all the time. this mostly manifests in me spamming tortoise with Kim & Porsche snippets and thoughts that never seem to flesh out into proper fics, so Hair-Trigger has a special spot in my heart because it's my one finished Porsche & Kim fic and I want everyone to look at Porsche being extremely fond of Kim and Kim feeling all sorts of things about how fond Porsche seems to be of him (surely???? this is a trick????? he is so nice and smiley????????? a mystery)

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

i like them all!! i genuinely enjoy all "types" of comments for different reasons, it feels weird to rank them against each other. so long as the comment is excited to engage with me/gush over idiot nerds together, i'm excited to answer and chat with them (although, i am. very behind on my inbox rn. hjghjg im sorry friends, i promise i will respond even tho it might be v late 😂💦)

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

I've actually been rewriting a *checks date* 5.5 yr old yoi WIP (*winces*) for a while now. very slow as my attention gets drawn away, but i love epistolary fic and there's a funny satisfaction without pressure to re-writing it.

but the story rewrite that actually has been sitting on my head for...forever really, is my ft story Jinxed. i was very new to fandom/writing fic when i first posted it, and at the time i'd just posted what i wrote and then went "...wait, how the fuck do you write a multi-chapter story???" and i really psyched myself out of posting more for it.

however, it's always like...sat in the back of my head, even after the fandom bullshit and when ft went to shit. because i just...don't like soulmate/soulmark AUs. 😅 the reasons behind my dislike for the trope are uh...kinda long and extensive actually, so i'll save that for a different post if anyone cares enough to ask, but the premise in this story of two girls with mismatched timers who fall in love and choose each other anyways is one i'm extremely drawn to. and i'm still like, figuring out how to write long stories, and i'm never going to write again for ft, so whenever i look over the old story drafts and notes, i'm actually thinking about it as an original story. not one i've started and maybe i'll stumble into a fandom that i want to apply this premise to, but...after i figure out long-form stories, i really want to swing by this one again, if simply to have it stop haunting my brain every few months.

(rest under the cut because i am rambly lol)

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

hmm Silver for Truth is the obvious one since i whined about it taking a yr+ to write, but i think everyone understands when i say Tawan is an annoying ass bitch to write.

i'm actually going to cheat and say the freezer!Kim WIP i'm writing with @majestictortoise. there's a few different POVs in this story and one of them is Porsche's POV, and there is something about Porsche's POV specifically that i find very hard to capture. even when i know what i want from his arc and character struggles, post-canon Porsche carries around some conflicting beliefs and mindsets that i find really tricky to write, plus he's also a guy of action who's been forced to a standstill and i want to capture that trapped feeling without making it obnoxious. he's just tricky to me in a way that other characters aren't. (i actually ran into this issue with Hair-Trigger too, except it wasn't so hard because that's a fic about him Doing A Thing He Wants To Do, which is why i was able to write it within the timeframe i did. oh Porsche, ilu, why do u stick in my head so. orz)

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

everything? idk, my reaction after i post a fic is to either Stare At My Inbox or desperately try to distract myself from the fact that i Posted A Fic, which really go to show how secure i feel about my writing 😂 i try very hard not to let a fic's reception get to me when i post because i've been down that road and it's really bad for me. all fic i post is fic for me, but i haven't hit the carefree attitude of "idc what you think, its for me first and foremost" yet.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

there's nothing that makes me want to give up on writing specifically. i wail and cry when stuff isn't flowing right, but like. so i had an irl thing run me over like a truck april/may of this year and it's bullshit kept spilling out through june and july too, so i had like no time or energy to write or even spend much time on fandom stuff for four months, and i went absolutely bananas. i need to do something creative to feel good, and writing is my favorite of those.

posting...posting is a different story 😂 weirdly if im chasing the high of posting a fic/the high of comments on fic, i dont like to post as much. the hill in my head is too much to get around, so that ig.

🌿how does creating make you feel?

*points up*

also prev

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

...this is such a weird question lmao (not u, the person who made the question list should have deleted this). i've always found writing as a good way of examining my internal biases and preconceptions i might not have otherwise had opportunity to find and reflect upon so clearly, and i'm going to leave it at that.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

fuck if i know what my writing style is 😂

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

*curls up in more shy* hmm, i really like reading my own stories. like, i always have cyclic periods of "oh god this is garbage what the fuck was i thinking" feelings for each of my fics, but i know now that feeling is brief and it'll be gone soon enough and it will stay gone longer than it comes. the person who reads my stories the most is me, and the fact that i want to go back to read them again is really important to me.

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

i don't think i linger so much on the actual posting of the fic, but i return to my fics a lot and i've also started paying more attention to how much i post. i'm trying to find a balance between acknowledging that i posted stories vs "oh god, im not posting ENOUGH," but back at the turn of this year, i was really bummed that i didn't get as much posted during december as i had set out to do, specifically because i felt like 2021 had been a really strong year and i'd let myself down not finishing as many fics in 2022. then i actually checked my AO3 stats for 2021 to 2022, and realized i'd posted 4x as much in 2022 than i had in 2021. over 100k words altogether even!

i think i'm getting off topic, but between rereading my own stuff pretty frequently and trying to get a better grasp on how much i've actually posted vs what's in my head, i think i celebrate pretty often? idk 😂

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

characters!!! everything's built around the characters. i love worldbuilding, making up worlds is a lot of fun, but i worldbuild through the lens of "what am i interested in?" (which starts with characters) and "how does this affect x?" (because if it doesn't matter to/affect the character, it shouldn't be a priority to me). similarly, plots exist for me to put Specific Guys Into Situations. a plot can be objectively interesting, but i'm not going to stick to it if i don't care about the people going thru it, my brain just doesn't focus like that.

the actual writing of the story is lowest priority on my list. there's a lot of writing types i don't like, but i can muscle thru a lot in the name of a good cast or plot. similarly, i don't give a flying fuck how pretty or polished a writer thinks their sentences are, if the actual story is boring or OOC, i am not reading it. or i am reading it and bitching extensively in friends DMs, which is worse. 😂

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

honestly, hard for me to answer because i'm actively trying not to think about what sort of response i do get. i guess one that still amuses me quite a bit is the response to my fic Shining Dishonesty (howls moving castle AU for haikyuu!!). i love this story to bits and i really love the comments i have on it, but it's weird/funny to me because it's my most recommended and mentioned fic on twitter, but it's one of my lowest in terms of kudos & comments. idk what's up with that 😂

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

*big shrug emoji* nothing that comes to mind???

maybe Silver for Truth, just a little bit???? everyone got the message of "get fucked Tawan" but there was also a little more pity for Tawan than i'd expected. like, not really, because Tawan's annoying, but i don't know that everyone quite caught Khun's trap for Tawan in it. Tawan could've completely turned things around for Vegas and ruined Kinn's lie by confessing his own failures/betrayals and accepting the consequences, except Tawan puts himself before all others, even someone he claims to love.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

honestly? i don't remember the specific writing issues once something is done. even for something that takes me a while to write. usually my writing hang-ups are related to irl stressors. Pitch It was an extremely hard fic for me to write, but that was because it had a deadline attached to it while i was also trying to come up with money for a new car after my previous one was totaled 😂 and while i approach all stories with a vague plot in mind, it's purposefully vague so i can adapt to where's best for the story to go. that's the part i look forward to the most when writing lol.

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

lol i don't even have to sort my stories to know which one is my least number of hits/kudos. it's by dawn's early light, which i wrote for the bnha myths zine, and it is literally one of my favorite fics i've ever written. there's some stuff i would've done differently now, but i liked it when i finished it, i liked even thru that fucking project's mess, and i liked it enough to post it after the project was finished, and that is probably the highest praises i can give that particular fic.

(this response probably doesn't make much sense to anyone who hasn't participated in a zine before and i'm not going to burden you with context if you haven't, but like. trust me. that's saying a lot 😂)

🍭why did you start writing?

to make a dick joke. i haven't changed.

💎why is writing important to you?

it's just fun. i really like doing it and i really like connecting with people over it/through it.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

i re-read the story about a bajillion times in that first week. you'd think i'd be sick of it by the time it's posted, but the satisfaction of having finished something changes the way i read it and i just bask in that.

📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?

another terrible question in this otherwise nice questions list.

i like it, so i do it, and i'm lucky enough to have made friends through it.

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

i'm excited if anyone wants to make a podfic of my work and i give general permission for it, but it's not something i seek out specifically. i have very bad ears, it just doesn't really cross my mind.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

*points up however many questions ago* it's very fulfilling for me and i like it a lot. i'm lucky enough to have also made connections to others by way of writing, but first and foremost is i enjoy the actual act of it.

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

maybe? idk, i leave comments because i like to leave comments. i like hearing back, but its not like im leaving a comment looking for that. wrong mindset for this question, u know?

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

*sighs* this fucking questionnaire maker lmao.

responding to fics is fun for everyone. it's a great way to make new friends if that's the fandom experience you're hoping for (same goes for responding to edits, art, etc). if you're anxious to start talking to people or leaving comments or whatever, take the babysteps you need to try to push and expand your comfort zone. and be gentle on yourself -- there's no "right" way to interact with fandom, and you don't have to be perfect at what you want to do right away either.

but if that's not the way you want to interact with fandom, you don't have to. there's nothing wrong with "lurking" and frankly i care about my stuff being enjoyed (even if i never hear about it!), not the ~proper~ way to be in fandom or whatever. furthermore, my healthy fandom experience is regulating and maintaining my own reactions to the reception (or lack of) i get when i post so that it stays fulfilling for me, and that's how i create my healthy fandom experience.

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

mostly i look inwards to see what exactly im dissatisfied with and examine why. there's plenty of stuff that i wish had a bigger reception, but i focus on things that i can control (what im happy with in a story, what i enjoyed about the process, talking about it more in my own blog space so people can choose to engage or ignore, etc) and push myself to that framework of mind. the worst thing you can do is focus on things you can't control, especially something as random and fickle as other people's reactions or a post/story hitting the trend wave just right.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

timeloop AU!! (prev)

timeloop AU will be 3 chapters + an epilogue. first chapter is Kim POV, the second one is Big POV, and third is Chay POV. Kim is the first one trapped in the timeloop. Big joins him later. Chay never does.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

in my fic Single Star Review, Khun goes to university and then starts seeking extra therapy help. i am Extremely excited for this one, but one of my favorite-favorite parts of it is Khun dismissively says "it's not like i can call Kim and gossip about boys" and Flop (the therapist, no that's not actually his name) asks Khun "why not" and Khun stares through a wall for a solid three minutes realizing hey, he CAN call Kim to talk about boys actually.

-later that night-

Khun: Kim! Kimmy-Kim my littlest kin! forget your other plans, tonight we are painting our nails and gossiping about BOYS

Kim: what the fuck

Khun: my therapist thinks i should try talking to you about stuff

Kim: THERAPIST?!

Khun: THAT'S NOT THE IMPORTANT PART HOW DO I HANDLE HAVING A CRUSH

(Kim is, ofc, over the moon and extremely excited when his brain catches up with his ears, even though he's a total little brother about it.)

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Red Line fic is the first installment of a 4-fic series (tortoise is laughing at me for thinking it'd stop with 1). mostly because it immediately dived into one of my favorite variations for how Chay kills Korn.

Korn's death is not a fix-it.

[sheogorath]

that shitty schizoposting "the fog is coming im in your walls" bullshit instilled some deep rage in me. like beyond it just being objectively unfunny spam, it really showed how many people do not respect or see psychotic people as real people.

the audacity you must have to not only pretend to be schizophrenic because you think it's funny, and you think schizophrenics are a joke, but also to purposefully go out of your way to trigger actual schizophrenics who tell you the joke is in poor taste.

i remember when it was popular and i still had tiktok, i couldn't fucking escape them. i have a psychotic disorder, but not full on schizophrenia, so i wasn't harmed by it as much as others could have been, but i found the joke annoying and tasteless. i got so sick of it i made one comment on a post saying something along the lines of "from someone with psychosis, not only is this unfunny it's also just ableist", and my replies were FLOODED with people making an effort to trigger me. so many people saying "im in your walls", "i know where you live", "im outside". and i wasnt the only one. i saw tons of other people who made similar comments and got similar treatment.

it was absurd to see such extreme vitriol for people suffering from a mental disorder in the year 2022 from so many people. and what was worse is that nobody except psychotic people cared. the big popular meme accounts, even ones who pretended to be progressive or whatever, would make and post these memes, and when their comment sections had real psychotic people expressing discomfort and being harassed by their followers, they wouldn't do shit. nobody gave a fuck. we were jokes to them. i felt like we weren't even people to them. they didn't see us as someone you could meet outside, a person you could know.

it's not like i should've been surprised though. people still regularly post videos of mentally ill people in public to mock them. people still talk about us like a pest or a nuisance in everyday conversation. "i hate riding the train this guy was talking to himself!!" fuck you.

anyway if you aren't psychotic and you call yourself a schizoposter and make those shitty memes youre a fucking loser and i genuinely think you should die.

[claws-robotics]

Why am I rebranding?

Short answer: so I can hide from people I do not ever wanna talk to again.

Long answer:

I will not be name dropping for my own privacy and also the privacy of others cause nobody was good in this situation, and im sure we all want to move on by now, right???

I didn't start thinking of a rebrand until a few days ago, but it really started when a person who I no longer wish to associate with sent me characters I had gifted them on toyhouse with no explanation, which made me panic for a bit. I asked their freind if they wanted a design they gave me back, they did not reply so I didn't know what to do. The request sat in my inbox for 1-2 days until I accepted and sent a return request for the character given to me.

The reason they did this, cause I was a stupid idiot and not the best behaved when we knew eachother, currently I am trying to avoid getting too personally involved in situations cause I'm afraid of this happening again. Aparrently I harassed multiple people, but please note I was extremely out of it or usually unaware at the time I was doing these things over the course of several months, and multiple people where encouraging me including the owner of the server i was doing it in. I made a copy pasta about a user who was banned from said server, they put a command on the servers exclusive bot that would say the copypasta among other things when used.

Anyway when I realized this wasn't the best thing to be doing I was too unstable to notice I was doing some messed up shit too, and decided to leave a nasty ass message about why I was leaving the server, in response the lead mod decided to publicly craptalk me infront of everyone and brush everyone else's behavior under the rug.

What do I mean by others behavior?? Well a user who knew the person irl who I made the copypasta about, went out of their way to make an alt even though they were both not on speaking terms and spam them with a random meme. They also were encouraging me to do dumb things and making jokes about said person publicly. Among other things.

(Said person is just starting highschool and im turning 17 soon so, I'm not really upset with them anymore like I was when I made the nasty message, at the time I made the message I was really unstable and having an episode but was unaware of that fact)

Anyway I rejoined the server had another moment and left and did it again and again for a few weeks until I snapped cause I thought that someone was talking about me.

Finally I was banned (I should've been banned the first time ngl)

This should've been the end of it honestly, and I wish it was.

Then the toyhouse thing happened. (I was on vacation and it really upset me)

I moved on i got over the toyhouse incident.

Accidentally sent the lead mod of the server a picture of a chuck e cheese mascot costume.

They made a whole paragraph about how bad I am and how they wanna be left alone. (SAME)

I was already having a shitty day and forgot about the accidental chuck e cheese picture, my cat had passed a few days prior and I was waiting to die to join him honestly.

After having a talk with my mom, I decided to block a bunch of people and go into hiding on discord and rebrand online.

Honestly atp I want to be left the fuck alone by everyone from that server except like two people I was close with.

If you know me from that server DNI. Do not contact me. Also if im a silly haha joke in your server, please stop. That's the whole reason I had the meltdown in the first place?? Making silly jokes out of people?? It wasn't the person I even "harassed" yall would make jokes about sometimes, yall had "banned emojis"

Genuinely i don't hate any of you id like to think

But leave me the hell alone

I just wanna get better as a person, and mentally.

I wanna move on.

Hopefully you aren't even reading this cause I know you guys will reply to this with some bullshit.

So anyway thats why I'm rebranding, cause I'm genuinely very afraid rn, im not having a good time.

[daaziscoolbesties]

minecraft endermen are really weird. theyre unnatural and make me feel off.

when i was a small child like seven years ago i would always play minecraft on creative mode and i made an ugly ass enderman "farm" made out of bricks. i had an enderman spawn egg and id just spam it and the enderman couldnt get out (so i thought). anyways having them in this enclosure was probably so i could feel "powerful" over them because to date theyre still the only mob in minecraft that makes me anxious. even above skeletons(which i used to have a horrible fear of (the real life ones not mc ones)) and spiders (which i still have a horrible fear of (again the real life ones not mc)). anyways the endermen just ended up completely teleporting out of the farm and i checked on my world the next day and they were all gone and i didnt appreciate it (this was the same world where my brother blew up my pets but thats a different story).

anyways back to endermen. besides the fact that i just didnt like dying and i did like building ugly structures, one of the main reasons i didnt play survival much for a while, or if i did id put it on peaceful, was because of the enderman. every time i passed one my heart would drop and if i happened to look it in the eye on accident my throat would feel like its closing up and idk why. if it sounds like im bullshitting you or not remembering correctly i swear im not because it still happens actually.

i play survival a ton more now simply because i enjoy it more, it feels like theres actually a goal to achieve, but i never really make efforts toward said goal(ya know, beating the dragon). none of my worlds are really created with the intention of beating the dragon, and therefore i dont have to worry about endermen. if i happen to be outside my house and theres one there, no worries i just wait for it to go away. it may spook me for a sec but im fine.

but recently me and my sister started a world with the sole purpose of beating the dragon. we may have cheated a little (like putting on keep inventory cause honestly we both suck at pvp and have died so many times) but its okay cause thats it. we still have to fight endermen to get pearls for the end portal. and so we were hanging out in the nether and made a little two block tall hidey hole and id stand by the front and taunt endermen to get them to come close so i could kill them without them being able to get to me and it worked really well actually. except for the fact that to get them to come near i had to get them to aggro onto me and to do that i have to look them in the eye and you know where this is going. and so i was like "it has been so long since i looked an enderman in the eye surely i cant still be scared of them" and i turn to my sister like "<sister> you stay in the hole ill get us some pearls"

so i go out and taunt the dudes and guess what bitch got the pit in their stomach from these fuckers!! thats right bestie and my throat started to close up and i started talking to my sister again but i could tell me voice was off from it and i dont know why it happens but it pisses me off. like theyre not even scary looking theyre just a bit odd. and i continue to do this and kill the endermen and it just. doesnt. stop. my throat keeps closing up and im not "in pain" or anything just inconvenienced like what the fuck dude its a bunch of fucking pixels. i dont know its weird.

and now this part is gonna sound super fuckin stupid but ever since i started watching dsmp i immediately got attached to ranboo (cc! and c!) and knowing that c!ranboo was half enderman made me really think "hm endermen arent that bad. granted i havent interacted with one in a while but still not that bad. perhaps my favorite hostile mob" because you know people get attached to characters and think dumb things. and then again ranboo's character straight up existing and also this one specific headcanon i saw that was like "endermen use telepathy to talk so when a player looks at them all their thoughts get projected into them and it hurts their brain :((" makes me feel kinda bad for aggro-ing them and killing them again even though its literally just some pixels dude. my brain is not kind to me about this stuff and its really dumb.

i dont know what about the endermen staring back at me sets off the sort of fight-or-flight that makes me unable to breathe for a second but its something. its not the fact that their jaws basically unhinge when theyre mad because the throat closing up sensation happens before that. it happens when i look at an enderman and it looks back up at me and holds my gaze. i dont know. i dont know why im worked up(even slightly) over a video game. theyre still my favorite hostile mob i think (not just because of ranboo honestly the other hostile mobs just kinda suck).

and also i like the idea of how humanoid they are. not human. humanoid. they have the basic aspects of a minecraft human- square, head, torso, legs, arms, eyes. most mc skins dont even have mouths anyways just eyes. but the endermen have these features differently than us. their eyes are unnatural, legs and arms too long, body all one color, one that can blend in, and you can only see its purple eyes staring you down from a distance. theyre basically just cryptids.

despite skeletons and even zombies looking closer to the player than the endermen, they still seem the most human-like of all of the mobs. they arent aggressive unless provoked. they dont like eye contact(socially awkward). they like picking up stuff and moving it around. theyre curious (i cant explain this one they just are, okay?). even the sounds they make are just phrases like "hey" "hello" "whats up" distorted and in reverse.

i want to know more about them.

i want to know where they came from.

why theyre found in every dimension.

why they sound like us.

i want explanations, i want to know why they scare us.

i want to know if they know.

if they know that we're like them in some way.

that some of us dont mean harm, but for others thats all they want to do to the endermen.

i saw a post once that said "what taught humans to be wary of things that look human, but arent?" i believe the phenomenon is called uncanny valley. what if in the minecraft universe, the thing that taught us that was endermen. or rather, the thing that taught the endermen that was us? because again, the endermen pose no threat to us unless theyre provoked. by one of us. the endermen try to communicate with us- "⊑⟒⊬" "⍙⊑⏃⏁⌇ ⎍⌿?"- but we kill them without reason. thats why they dont like eye contact, its been ingrained in them through evolution that eye contact with a human/player will end in death, and they dont want it to be theirs, so they attack first.

we- or rather, the first minecrafters, maybe (in the lore(?)) people before the game, taught the endermen to fear us. i mean we literally kill them, use their remains to enter their home dimension, and then kill their leader/mother. they do their best to stop us, but we can respawn and they cant. and then, some people even go as far as to make farms, having them all spawn in one place, crowded, cant teleport out- their only defense mechanism gone- and then are slaughtered for their pearls. and due to the mass of these farms there will be chests upon chests full of pearls that no one's using, i saw someone the other day ask what people do with them and someone straight up said they just burn them like god what a waste.

"but izzy, players make mob farms all the time and not just for endermen!!!1!!11! why are the endermen ones so bad why are you only talking about those1!1!1!!!1" 1) because i can, 2) this is an endermen-themed post, and 3) i dont like the other mobs. and of course im not actually mad at the players who like beating the game and making endermen farms and such, i mean thats what it is its all just a game just a bunch of code, 0's and 1's, so why does it matter why bother writing a whole post on it?

because when you look paste the game, when you read in between those ones and zeroes and discover this non-intentional lore, it can make things so much more,, interesting. this is fanfic material. hell, its probably fanart material too. its all for the content to see what the community can create i guess. or maybe i just really like talking about endermen and this has been on my mind for two days now and once i started typing i couldnt stop.

but yeah, thats my final thoughts.

we, humans, experience uncanny valley about the endermen.

but the endermen experience uncanny valley about the players.

[omegawolverine]

Hey you dont have to answer this if you don't want but what has mizkif done besides from housing Carson(which is horrible obvs).I only really know him from hanging with like Ludwigs or Schlatts crowd(?) Anyways thanks in advance if you choose to answer this.

hi!! i dont actually watch mizkif on his own, ive only watched him when he was with other people i already liked (schlatt specifically) and he's not really a cc that people post about when he "fucks up" (bc they arent fuck ups, he is blatantly offensive and most of his viewers watch him bc of that fact) so im not super in the loop about his controversies, if you will. that being said, off the top of my head i know he:

-uses retarded in a derogatory fashion towards others (he can reclaim it, but the way he uses it makes me and a lot of other disabled/nd people uncomfortable as he uses it specifically to hurt others)

-on a side note from that last one, the whole reason karl got innitially accused of ableism is bc miz started calling karl stans in his chat retarded while karl was in call with him and karl gave a nervous laugh in response, miz spent a good 5-10 minutes on this "bit"

-has basically harassed teenagers live on stream for harmless things such as cosplaying, i think he made fun of someone's neos on stream (i might be confusing him for someone else but he's definetly clowned on "pronouns in bio kids", bc that is apparently a thing? that is also somehow funny?) and just. he makes fun of teenagers for being fucking teenagers essentially

- ^ also didnt cover users so mizkif stans spammed them with hate

-defend cmc even before yesterday (i havent watched the video but ive heard from others who have, apparently there was some victim blaming going on, even if there wasnt the defending carson thing is bad enough)

-i may be wrong on this one but ive watched him numerous times in videos and streams with schlatt and there has been multiple instances where it looked like he was making schlatt or other people uncomfortable by trying to force them to talk about topics/join him on making offensive jokes

-basically uses his friends as clickbait cash cows, which isnt really a problem ("its nobodies business except theirs" type beat)...except for the fact that some of the stuff he clickbaited wasn't just petty drama, it was personal issues or serious allegations (for example, again, him talking on the carson situation as if he was actually involved in it and then defending him)

uhmmm yeah. im definitely missing more specific examples of him being offensive in an inexcusable way and probably other stuff that i just dont know about, so if anyone else who has watched him regularly wants to chime in, feel free. i didnt really mind the guy before yesterday (i like offensive humour when it's done right, miz usually misses the mark but im not gonna yell at people who did like him before this bullshit as if i dont watch people who have done worse as far as being outright offensive goes) but like. excusing the actions of a groomer, especially when he has directly harmed your supposed friends, is a big no from me, as it should be from everyone. soz chief 🤷‍♀️

[powerhh]

Is Eurovision the only time you post anymore? Cause I never see you post except during Eurovision.

im sorry but im reading this at 3am and this question made me laugh out loud because i really wasn't expecting it (and because my friend noted this exact same thing yesterday)

anyway! uh i've been posting every now and then, mostly reblogging shit and posting art when i've made something. i'll be real honest and say i was diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome earlier this year after struggling with constant wrist pains for like a year but i've definitely been in less pain and luckily it seems like no surgery will be needed as of now bc i'm doing better, but this is why i've been real slow with the art lately (aka the past year). also i'm in my last year of uni and i'm writing my thesis (like right now, in this very moment) so i've just had a lot of stuff going on that has stopped me from making original content.

actually no that's a lie i started a kpop shitpost youtube channel in the end of october because i wanted to learn video editing, so taught myself to work with my left hand as a fuck you to my wrist pain and you can follow That bullshit here (not to toot my own horn but i think the videos are pretty funny)

but yea uhh other than that i have never really been doing a lot of text posts, they've mostly been eurovision related and i guess the spam just made me appear on your dash more aggressively than usual lmao, but i mean if you miss me i can always start doing text posts with my questionable 5am thoughts ;)

but there you go! life update from me! sorry for the long answer

[breezeinmonochromenight]

This is probably beating a dead horse[im sorry] but did porg ever talk about dmc on her old account, like even before 5 was announced? For a game she barely even liked all I see on her account is complaining about 5's story. She doesn't even reblog anything she likes like V. A lot of V fans like to pretend that V isn't Vergil so why can't she just do the same and follow those kinds of accounts. I get that she wants attention but like why fill your tumblr with things you hate?

[sorry for the late response! It’s been one of the weirdest weeks of my life and I need “save to drafts =/= post” stapled to my fucking forehead :/ ]

You’re not beating a dead horse! I promise. I never have any idea who’s seen what with her so I don’t mind answering questions. That’s what tags are for. (:

It goes back to what I said about people arguing with her, imo. She’s always angry and miserable and nothing makes her happy (except being angry), so why bother even posting about stuff she likes? I have no idea what she ever was into prior to all of this, unfortunately, but the earliest posts of her I remember seeing were around when the game was announced. She didn’t actually pop on my radar (personally) until Dec. 2018, when that pretty obvious V trailer dropped and she was spamming every post in the comments with slurs.

I have no idea why she can’t just do something like that. AU’s are perfectly fine and god knows I’d be flat-out lying if I said they weren’t (I subscribe to a more than a few in other fandoms lol). Couple of concerning posts aside, pretty much any and all of those accounts that I’ve ever interacted with were perfectly nice and it’s more than perfectly reasonable to be like “oh I didn’t like the way the canon turned out so I’m doing my own thing”. That’s totally normal.

If I had to guess, though, given how she shits on fanworks and art and everything else: I feel she doesn’t get enough attention irl (which is more or less confirmed by now) and has a need to be supremely correct without question and have her opinion validated as the only one that matters. It’s why like, even just going by her bullshit yesterday on her page, she either: a.) plugs her ears and screeches when she’s bullshit herself into a corner and/or b.) ignores things that don’t check out in her reality entirely while continuing to make bizarre accusations.

[mechabones]

Im back on my bullshit 😤. I live for idea of p e t t y Connor in our SWAT!Au so here we have: Following their tense showdown at the hospital, Connor decided it was time to show Nines how cruel he could be. Gavin's recovery was a slow one. Nines would probably try to send gifts to the precinct or the Gavin's house; which Connor all expertly claimed were his since he has been surveilling his twin for quite some time after he found out his entanglement with Gavin.

Okay so I was gonna compile all of the swat!AU asks into one post & write a lil essay about it for ya but then I realized that could potentially get stupid long so I’ll keep them all separate at the expense of possibly annoying my followers so sorry in advance at anyone who isnt interested in our Swat!AU spam but I love this universe we have created & wanna keep talking about it !!

ARGH we live for petty Connor, I kinda hate him but kinda love him but kinda wouldn’t want him any other way.

Gavin for the most part would be on bed rest with the rare exceptions of when he had enough energy to be his usual bullheaded, stubborn self & try to get up & move around, but in doing that, he’s only making his healing process slower by tearing at stitches because he pushed himself too far. 

Not like he’d admit it out loud but he did sort of want some TLC outside of Connor bringing him dinner & acting like Gavin is some form of hurt puppy that needs 24 hour surveillance. 

Hell, just a bouquet of flowers with a get well soon card would have been appreciated more than he’d like to admit & if he was being honest with himself, he was mildly hurt that Nines hadn’t bothered with that sort of stuff considering the gangster acted like he cared so much unlike his brother. But, when it came down to it, Connor was the one who was at his side constantly. Where the hell was Nines?

Little did Gavin know that Nines had sent the officer a beautiful bouquet of blue roses with a small note written in a perfect, cursive script that read ‘Sorry I am unable to show my face around you when you need me the most. I’ll make it up to you, you have my word. ~9s’  But, somehow, it never quite made it into a vase in Gavin’s house. 

Instead, Connor showed up with a suspiciously cold look in those warm brown eyes that Gavin was too emotionally & physically tired to even bother to ask about.

[treago]

Here are some useless facts about me for you guys.  just a laundry list of bullshit

I have a younger sister. We took pictures last Saturday of all places we went to as kids or memories we had, were making a calendar for our parents.  theres a lot of parks on the list, and its gonna be hard to distinguish them, but im looking forward to our burgerking set where we reminds me family of the time my sister kicked out my front teeth on a burger king slide minutes after seeing the dentist

I never had a sleepover with nonfamily. Having sleep overs was infrequent enough that even with family, I was overjoyed.  It’s not really a sleep over when youre an adult, but if it is, i just as rarely do it

I floss regularly if I have access to it. I forget to buy it all the time. It's the only thing my dentist is proud of because it shows compared to my gums which are total garbage

Most of my English is self taught through television. My parents grew up close ish in Puerto Rico, met each other here, got married and spit me out a year and a half later.  I remember being pretty good at spanish at one point in my life and i know its not the case anymore.

Home alone 2 is my Christmas movie of choice. My family marathons each of our Christmas movies that morning while opening presents. Mine is usually first and occurs during the whole time we’re opening stuff.  If you got a candid camera on our gift opening im probably watching home alone most of the time.

I didn't pick up or hold a cat until I was well into my teens. My mom was allergic and I assumed I was too. I might be, I'm not sure, but I doubt it. I didn't have friends with cats till high school.

My first long term girlfriend cheated on me. It's something I don't like to think about because I effectually let it slide because I was so eager to have a girlfriend which is the dumbest thing ever. I was 21

When I was growing up my family always said I was negative and quiet and sarcastic. I desperately try not to be and most friends from work would say I'm not. I'm still bitter that the perception is the same as when i was younger

I dont remember why orange is my favorite color. I know it was green when I was younger because of the ninja turtles and I know Michelangelo is orange, but I'm 100% positive the reason I like orange has nothing to do with that.

I started watch anime to impress girls. It actually worked at the time but I was honestly more interested in anime.

Pills scare me. I had to take some when I was younger and couldn't really bring myself to do it. My dad yelled about it a lot and then my parents opted to cut the pill open and have me drink the water. My dad basically forced me to drink the water while he screamed at me. Its one of the few times I ever remember him being mean. I take a pill a day thats about the size of an m&m mini and refuse to take anything else

I destroyed my first email account by using survey websites to get money for maple story. We're talking 100s of emails an hour. Spam filters weren't what they are now so I just had to remake an email account thats how I arrived at needing my first consistent username. Super hint it's not treago, that was after I became ashamed of anime and needed to change the embarrassment

When I was in 3rd grade we had to taste test jelly for some sort of project. I did not want to taste jelly and was forced to try it. I didnt like it at all and puked. I have a pretty strong aversion to trying things I dont think I'll like because of it

i love telling people the story of how my car was broken into.  i always tell it badly because im really excited to talk about it because its a fun story with a weird resolution.  I love that its a story that couldnt really functionally happen to me at any other time of my life, and couldnt happen anymore really.  Its also a story that requires set up and thats just the worst part about telling stories

the car story leads me into the fact that i never really listened to music intentionally.  There was a small period when i was in middle school where i thought music was really important to being liked, so i listened to music.  I remember asking my parents for a cd player for christmas that year, and i got nsync no strings attached as the cd.  i dont think my parents understood they were a boy band who made music primarly for girls, they just were like “son gets cd with boys on it, and daughter gets cd with girls on it”.  Real talk i never once listened to it, but i still adore the song bye bye bye now that im like 30 and have literally no shame in my music tastes

theres a lot of things i want to do that i need the right ambassador for. I’m just a hesitant person, and with gentle coaxing i do a lot of stuff i otherwise normally wouldnt do, but most people just want to force me to do things and that never goes well.  Like getting a tattoo, trying weed, anal, are all really extreme examples but even super tame dumb stuff like touching bugs or going to a different country for a vacation

when i lost my job at the candy store, i basically decided i was going to be as nice as possible.  i dont remember the reasoning behind it, but i do remember lots of push back against it.  i distinctly remember saying “its never a bad day” and having one of my coworkers literally tell me, that “that attitude is going to change”, and i just had to be nice for my entire time there outta spite except i really enjoyed the personality i went with it permanently.  I cant really remember how i acted like 5 years ago.

[she-toadmask]

So the post I literally just reblogged I didn’t feel like rambling in the tags and making a mess for anyone looking for something else

(Fuck I went on forever under the cut this goes everywhere fast)

Before Sword and Shield came out, during their hype season, I had this really silly fic idea where 3 girls that were kind of versions of myself and also kind of not (like one of them was going to be Asian at one point which...I have no idea why it just was what I was planning, if I did it now they would be all as white as my indoor ass) would just suddenly be in Pokemon and it kind of went between being Galar and not being Galar

The youngest was kind of mostly an Ash expy, just really quick to do things and really energetic and excited; the oldest was just this very serious girl who was very strategic and stern and did not agree with the middle; the middle was just kind of...not exactly my depression but just way less into all of this and was kind of just following because she didn’t have anything else to do.

I thought of it again recently and thought about how their battle styles would be different if they were doing the gym circuit, though how the middle got in and what her starter would be (kind of thinking she would end up with a Blipbug somehow and I had another Pokemon in mind but I don’t remember what it was) because the young one would get Grookey because energy and loud, Hop would have Scorbunny because fire type like Leon, and the oldest would have Sobble and I eventually decided the other day when I was thinking about the idea again that it was because she had done copious amounts of research and decided that Inteleon had a battle style close to what she wanted to do. The young one would just go head-on into battles like Ash does because young and dumb, she would just be super enthusiastic and a little performative, and she would get team members just the way most people do, just encountering a Pokemon (or sometimes getting a fun interaction with energy n shit) and now they’re part of the team. The oldest would be super strategic and, instead of just ramming into the problem with the most force she could like the younger, would look at more detailed strategies. Less ‘spam your strongest move and then also do the anime style shit’ and more ‘strategic planning based on the species’ strengths and the opponent’s style and team’. She would look for strong Pokemon and have what she wants in mind before catching. The middle just...I haven’t really gotten her thing down yet? I know she just kind of catches Pokemon who seem to vibe with her on an emotional level (hence Blipbug, starts small and nervous and then ends up pretty dang cool, I think another was a female Kirlia who wanted to evolve into Gallade but couldn’t so she gave the Kirlia a necklace with an Everstone and helped Kirlia train to fight like a Gallade and there’s a bit of a theme with self-acceptance and growth but idk) and she more just kind of goes with the flow in battle and tries to just get the vibes n stuff. She’s the least likely to dynamax of the three, though if I were to watch the recent anime I might get a different idea. The story would be from the middle’s perspective (probably third but still focusing on her) just because she’s not as enthusiastic about all this as the others are and is just going along because it feels like that’s what she’s supposed to do. None of them really nickname their Pokemon probably, but the middle probably has unofficial nicknames like calling her Kirlia ‘kid’ a lot of the time, but that isn’t really a thing so much as I thought it would make sense.

I don’t know most of the stuff other than at the beginning the youngest rushes off to meet Leon and get her starter and the oldest is not too long after, but she doesn’t bother to wake the middle one up so the middle one doesn’t get a trio starter, hence the likely Blipbug partner. The youngest apologizes but is too excited to really talk too much, the oldest is just rude like ‘well you should have gotten up then.’ Also in the mines, the oldest and youngest split off to explore or look for Pokemon, but the middle just wants to get through and rest so she encounters Bede. There has to be an encounter later on when Kirlia should have long evolved if she was going to, and Bede is kind of mocking about it and the middle just wipes his team with Kirlia because that’s just a dick move. Also middle at some point when they hear that Bede beat Hop in a battle and just ruined his self-esteem, the youngest challenges him to a battle, the oldest probably is acting as ref, and it’s the middle one who goes to find Hop and check on him and stuff. If I were to actually write it, there would probably be some really good talk about living up to expectations and stuff and it doesn’t fix everything but it makes Hop feel less like he’s a disgrace to his brother.

There would also probably be more plot ish stuff? Like Rose actually doing bad shit? And I can tell you that the fact that the region is so linear can totally be spun as a control thing and I can pull back in that pre-release (and sometimes still in some content I’m certain) theory of Rose rigging matches so Leon would go undefeated. Otherwise we just get the gang calling him out on his bullshit with the 1000 years away, but both is good.

In the same vein of Pokemon fanfic but totally unrelated, I had some idea about a human from our world dropping into the Pokemon world and the thought about durability. Like in the anime we regularly see Team Rocket getting yeeted with the twinkle and they’re right as rain next we see them, and the number of times Ash has gotten shocked or burnt or whatever is absurd, so Pokemon world humans have to be way more durable than we are. I just had the thought that the human dropping in would realize that everyone is way more durable than they were and just try to avoid battles and stuff as much as they could because their body just can’t take the beatings that some trainers take. And like they would have to try and figure out how to dodge the fact that they’re always so distant from Pokemon when they aren’t calm and stuff. A tackle that might just take the breath out of a Pokemon world human could break one of their ribs. It was just a weird idea I had once.

Pokemon isekai again, I was thinking at one point that if I were to go into Pokemon I probably wouldn’t want to be a trainer or a professor, like I had these ideas of what I might do instead that was still really positive and involved Pokemon. The more wishful one was me being basically a crazy cat lady except with Eevee and the kids in the town would get them as starters. Aside from the Eevee themselves I would have a Flareon, an Espeon, an Umbreon, and probably a Leafeon. Flareon and Leafeon being the parents of most of the Eevee, and Espeon and Umbreon being accidental friendship evolutions before I started giving all the Eevee Everstone collars to prevent more accidents. The other was also kinda wishful but more feasible probably and was just like me being a berry farmer. (I just found my notes so I can give the Pokemon I wanted: Eevee because it’s my favorite Pokemon and it’s small and cute, a Tropius because neck fruit and also can reach berries and help harvest, a Flareon to cook berries apparently, and a Squirtle to help water and harvest.) Super wishful stuff and it still resonates, despite the fact that I’m even less active now than I was when I first thought of this stuff. I just want to have a nice peaceful life with nice Pokemon and be able to just be calm and happy. Yeah some evil team might try to destroy the world or something, but more often than not, someone comes along and helps out.

Unrelatedly my friend said the other day when we were talking that if we were to move in together in an apartment because we’re best friends and it’s cheaper to live together (also it wouldn’t be dating because even if she does turn out to be bi her girl type is buff girls and I am a twig) that she would cook and I would bake and just the idea of us living together and having stable jobs and having a cat if they were allowed and just...it sounds so nice and so many things if I think realistically like my current mental health struggles and the US being a dumpster fire and the pandemic and the US being fucking insane it just feels like it couldn’t happen and it’s just

(IT GETS REALLY BAD BELOW HERE JUST A WARNING SERIOUSLY ITS REALLY BAD)

I want to be happy but it feels like I can’t do that and I have so much shit piled up that I have to do and my medicine isn’t doing what it did at first so I guess my body got used to it like how people can get caffeine tolerance but ive had it less than a month so idk am i just fucking up that much it just fucking sucks i just wish i could stop having to worry and just live in a hole with my safe corners of the internet and my video games and a couple people online to talk to so i dont get too too lonely and just im not doing well and college is bad because my depresso is being super bad now and tonight i feel like im wasting my parents’ money because im just not doing what i need to do to exist as a student and it just feels like too much and i dont want to do any of it anymore

[renjingujifortheladies]

blog under maintenance

ill stay with this blog but i only follow a few people as of now.

my precious friends:

@miismatched , @atryhard, @raensoul @heavilyxtattooed, @atypicol @viclated @melonpianist  @solcorleonis @makkiro @noxuous @angstiism / @fierydog @fiercysoul 

my friends will be exception to my bitching (please note when i start being clingy and needy thats probably my pms and you my friends have PERMISSION to tell me to go drink a hot cocoa and take a chill pill)  

ill make a new theme for myself , new muses page and new rules, ill be chill SUPER CHILL with people upper mentioned others may proceed with caution. because i will take no shit from others. ill not take spam, random bullshit, not cutting posts, begging singleship and leaving for years, and me having to turn others down because i dont have permission from the partner to alter the single ship. 

ill make my icons acceptable size with help, and i take critics only from my closest friends

ill only play ships i feel good about. ill not take pressuring and i will not pressure anyone. i dont give a rats ass if my notifications will be little or big. ill not take crap from others who callout on me to be a prioritizing asshole. MY FRIENDS COME FIRST then comes all the strangers. ill regulate the answer amount /weekly for the others who come after the upper mentioned. 

you either take it or leave it. no hard feelings but pressuring is not cool. 

just a little public info that im still here , will be here, but ill make changes so it will be all buttsex and unicorns and rainbows again.