#except what i learnt in high school musical

[oifaaa]

Stephanie Brown

Is currently playing basket ball in my highschool au

She'd doing great

[an-asuryampasya]

Get to Know Me Tag Game

[high-fives @dimplesandfierceeyes because I'm also doing this a month after being tagged, welp. Thank you for tagging me though! :)]

do you make your bed? 

Pretty much always, except when I'm in a particularly bad slump. tbh I'd happily make beds that aren't even mine when it's not weird (unless it's my sibling's, in which case the sibling-instinct to annoy them wins over). I really like mechanical, satisfying jobs like that. If I'm in the mood, I like to place the blankets and stuff at what I consider✨artistic✨ positions. It's fun for me and a delight for my mum who gladly delegates all bedsheet-changing jobs to me whenever I'm home lmao.

what's your favourite number?

Two! Discovered this fact about myself while playing The Game of Life for the first time approximately three lifetimes ago and I had to pick a number to bet on.

what is your job?

well, I'm currently in research-y career so it's mostly destroying structures and/or going ':o that was v cool but i have no idea why it happened' in technical terms.

if you could go back to school, would you?

I am in school rn!

can you parallel park?

no. I have a driver's licence but zero confidence in driving a four-wheeler so I avoid it and I'm pretty sure my minimal driving skills would've fully atrophied by now. idk why, but driving a car freaks me out (I would like it to not, but that doesn't seem to be on the cards any time soon)

I can easily parallel park a two-wheeler though, if that counts :P (I ADORE two-wheelers. I know they're riskier but they're so, so much easier and more fun to drive.)

a job you had that would surprise people?

I've had very brief stints outside academia and nothing that would particularly raise eyebrows, I think.

do you think aliens are real?

Feel like aliens probably exist but also feel like alleged alien sightings probably aren't actual aliens.

can you drive a manual car?

On paper, yes. That's what I learnt driving on.

what's your guilty pleasure?

reading soap opera-esque fics that I know will infuriate me, get infuriated, and then go yell at/about the fic in @pestobepis's DMs and send screenshots so they can suffer the full experience with me <3 (apologies, beloved. it will happen again ^_^)

tattoos?

Never got any, and since almost everything about my likes/interests/opinions changes practically every three months, that's probably a good thing. There was a time when I was kinda crushing on Pennywise and was watching a lot of HISHE at the time, so after an ep with some joke about Jar Jar Binks being in It, I decided I'd like a 'Wesa all float down here; YOUSA FLOAT TOO' tattoo, so-

favourite colour?

Don't have one, but I find myself quite partial to deep blues and greens in general.

do you like puzzles?

only as long as it feels like I'm winning and haven't run out of patience yet. So I guess I like feeling smart, not puzzles?

any phobias?

no major ones that I've discovered yet! though I may have mild trypophobia because I can get a lil uncomfortable looking at clusters of small holes - which is unfortunate, because my favourite kind of concrete is foam concrete and it looks like this:

(Image source)

[there's other forms of concrete that also contain trapped air bubbles but foam concrete is the coolest, take my word for it. We make foam concrete by mixing foam with concrete. literally that's it.

WHO takes a look at solid, dense concrete and thinks to themself 'yeah this needs some fluffy light foam :)'?? some genius, that's who. I love that juxtaposition so much!]

favourite childhood sport?

Was never a fan of sports unless hula hooping counts. But dodgeball wasn't the worst thing I had to endure, so I'll go with that.

do you talk to yourself?

Oh yeah.

what movies do you adore?

Mamma Mia! and Sound of Music come to mind. And Maryada Ramanna! (Ignore the last ten minutes or so of that one though. The rest of it is a delightful exploration of weaponising politeness and I adore it.)

coffee or tea?

I'm loyal to tea.

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

gymnast, I think?

Zero pressure tags for @pestobepis, @averythepirate and @shewantsitall! :)

[mygainyear2024]

Day 81 Camel

After waking up at 5.50am to sit on a higher dune to watch the sunrise at 6.12am (Rose complained we got up way too early, but I just did what the staff suggested, perhaps they thought I'd have a shower or something!) with sand blowing at us sideways, we now have the pièce de résistance. We see the camels and the shepherd coming over the dunes and we quickly asked for help to put on our head scarves.

It was a small challenge for me to get that leg over and the ascent from the ground was quite the experience (as was the descent later). We were off in no time and I hadn't anticipated the challenges - trying to keep my shoes from coming off, taking photos while needing to hold on (as there was quite the difference between hard and soft sand without warning) and within five minutes the scarf came off, so I was also trying to cover the right hand side of my face to protect my ears, eyes and mouth from taking on board too much sand and still take in the magnificent views, and occasionally the need to adjust my seat, as I think my saddle was on a lean!

After the exhilaration of an hour plus camel ride, and like my first hammam in Istanbul, I don't think I need to repeat it, the rest of the day was spent in the local area exploring. First stop some small farming plots (dates, figs, sprouts etc). Some primary school aged children wanted us to try the small unripened figs!

Next stop to see where the nomads live, although they are not nomadic anymore, as tourism provides resources for them they've decided to stay put. The family Mustafa usually visits is most likely away for Eid, so we just have a look around their camp site. A stop at a fossil mining area. Mustafa explains it used to be mined for mascara (he shows me samples in a bottle, it looks more like black sand than mascara and I question whether he means eye liner or if it's mixed with water?), and now the site is mined for a substance I can't remember the name of that makes glass!

Next stop a Berber "depot" to look at some more carpets. Rose finds one she likes for the hallway. It's this salesman who says my carpet is not made with natural dyes, and it's cactus silk? I said I would have a chat with Mustafa about this and he asked me not to say anything as it would cause issues! Hmmm. I did say something to Mustafa and he absolutely avoided my question. Rose also learnt from her love interest, Hassan, that Mustafa would probably get 50% of the sale price. Rose is very upset that the money is not going to the Berber woman who made the carpet. And I absolutely empathise with her. But I understood this was all a possibility and that I paid too much for my carpet, but I could have done some more research and started at a much lower price. At the end of the day, it's an experience, and I won't forget where I purchased it, and meeting the 95 year old grandmother who doesn't like her picture taken. For those who are interested in buying a carpet made by women in Morocco, where the money goes to the women, don't worry I have a legitimate solution which I will post about in day 83! And there's even an online option!

We are in the car of a friend of Mustafa’s today so we can go off-road. Except it’s not registered for tourism and at one point we swerve suddenly to take a different road to avoid the police, who are everywhere! Mustafa has been constantly using his phone while driving and on enquiry it is also illegal here to be using your phone while driving! As well it’s illegal to ride a bike without a helmet, but so many do, even with kids. I did see one motor cyclist pulled over by police, so hopefully in time things will change, as Mustafa confirmed my suspicions that road accidents are high.

Next stop to listen to music played by "black" Africans, as Mustafa describes them. And then onto the eagerly awaited Berber pita, that Mustafa mentioned on day 1. Mine is chicken or turkey, but to be honest, it was a little oily and I preferred the sauce and rice that came as a starter.

Rose was quite unwell today, we stopped at a pharmacy and we were able to buy antibiotics and cough medicine and all Rose wants for lunch is avocado on rye with lemon and salt and pepper. Mustafa did try and find us an avocado (we actually received a plate in our room of 2 apples, 2 oranges and 2 avocados at the riad on the first night, so it wasn't an impossibility). Second choice is french fries! They don't usually serve french fries, but Mustafa has organised for her to have some. They are a long time coming, and she is impressed they are hand cut!

Mustafa keeps calling Rose "cheeky", I think he means "spoilt", as the day before he was describing these kind of characteristics to me. Perhaps compared to Muslim children Rose is spoilt, but she is definitely sick and was a real trooper managing the heat and being upright for so long.

We are dropped off at the most beautiful Riad Chebbi, opposite the highest dune, at 170 metres. It can be climbed, and under cooler circumstances I might have given it a go. Time to wash all the sand away and then we sleep until dinner. That rosé purchased yesterday was ok when first opened (it's not from the vineyard I was hoping to visit either), but not so good having been in a very hot car for most of today!

[ingridaway]

resting in higashichichibu

i took the time to really relax and recuperate while in higashichichibu. for the first time in the trip i felt like there was no rush and no reason to worry about wasting time. staying in a room with 7 other girls, sharing bathrooms and chatting in communal spaces took me right back to high school camps. i felt like a kid again with no worries in the world. this was the part of the trip where i bonded with people outside of my pre-existing friend group and i’m so grateful for that. in the evening i joined a small group to watch fire flys in the garden, one of the old men who lived (? maybe just worked) at washi no sato joined us and would point out each little flicker of light. the first night i slept like a rock except for when one of my roommates woke up the whole room at midnight by screaming, it was less terrifying than it was confusing and i promptly went back to sleep. i choose to carve a single colour woodblock with the image of a power-pole. i had taken a photo of said power-pole in koenji and i felt it spoke to my view of japan, chaotic yet beautiful, full of interconnected train lines, roads, cables, people etc. looking back i wish i had been more ambitious with my print however i think that just speaks to my lack of self confidence. most of the days at washi no sato were a blur of carving and bad vending machine coffee. each night i’d venture out into the garden and try to spot fire flys while eating spicy rice crackers from the farmers market next door. each day i’d nap whenever i could, sneaking away from carving sessions or from dinner to pass out in bed. before going to sleep i’d listen to music, often it made me feel melancholy but also so glad to be having the experience. I’ll post a link to the playlist i made while at washi no sato so you can get an idea of my head space. by far my favourite activity we did while at washi no sato was the paper making. it felt so amazing to be able to get my hands dirty and really go wild with the slurry haha. i ended up making countless sheets of paper and i really gained a fondness for mr ono who was the manager of the paper making workshop. later that day i joined him for a cigarette and learnt he was 52?? my parents’ age? and he was on the pta and a volunteer firefighter on top of his job at the village. what a crazy busy life he has. it’s hard remember a lot of my time at washi no sato because it was all a blur of printing and carving, i’m so glad to of met all the lovely teachers/artists there, they really made me feel welcome and by the end of my stay i felt completely at home. 

[rhyske]

Inquisition feels really bloated with so many fetch quests. While I don't mind running around mindlessly and picking flowers and killing mobs, I have the unpopular opinion: open-world games are overrated. I personally prefer the semi-open-world because it isn't as bloated with empty space to run through back and forth in the same way.

Ohh, I also play as a dalish elf, or well I started as a human and got to Skyhold and did a bunch of stuff there and then I started over because I didn't like how the playthrough was turning out ^^'. I'm not gonna lie laying as a human was very boring but they could do better with elves as well, I don't know much about playing as qunari or dwarf but I bet it's at least a little bit more interesting than human.

dragon age 2 had the 'good intentions but a bad outcome' nailed down and I always had to think really hard about my choices. I still had to reload so many times because I fucked it up and I didn't want my companions to get mad at me TT_TT. whenever someone in the inquisition disapproves I don't really care because I don't care about them as a character (except for Varric, Dorian of course ..and Solas based on my playthrough). Dorian's quest with his father was pretty well written. it's obviously a fucked up situation like oof, but his father is there to ask for forgiveness and I can kinda sympathise with that too in a way. it makes for an interesting story and while the choices are so so I guess, it still feels like it has an impact.

my native language is swedish~ it's pretty boring if you ask me because only people from Scandinavia understand and even then its only a little. sweds tend to be pretty fluent in English as well. What is your target language? I've always learnt best from engaging with the language rather than studying it, like watching films or listening to music in that language helps a lot~ I want to learn more languages but we'll see if I find the effort to properly do it hahah ^^ 💜

I agree 100%, I personally hate open world games. Sure the landscape is pretty but it always hurts the pacing. Sidequests tend to be boring fetch quests or something just as forgettable. I tend to immediately lose interest in a game if it's an open world.

As an elf, it just felt like being an elf was forgotten. In Origin it's constantly mentioned. It just felt.... Like an oversight, y'know? I dunno if it's the same for dwarf or qunari, I didn't play either of them either.

Oh yeah, I always tried to have everyone like me for the most part because I liked everyone in 2. And even if I didn't, I still very much felt their presence and their arcs and their dynamic in the Hawke family. People in Inquisition are just kinda....there. No matter how I handle them, it doesn't matter. I stopped talking to most of them and I didn't feel like I was missing anything. Nobody really talks about hanging out in between missions, or what they do really in their own time.

Oh that's awesome! My Japanese teacher in high school, her native language was Greek. Never would've guessed it! My target language is Japanese, and yeah, I've found I tend to learn better out of textbooks too. I think studying the basics helps, but being interested in the material you're learning from is so important. I want to know what it's like to be bilingual! It's a bucket list goal of mine.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

434 of 2022

Random Survey [made @ xanga.com/surveys_for_nimrods]

1. Did you ever have to be saved by a lifeguard?:

No, never. Not in any situation that has anything to do with water.

2. Who is your favorite Disney princess?:

I don’t care about them much.

3. What do your bathing suits look like?:

I don’t have any.

4. What's your favorite Ke$ha song?:

I don’t listen to her.

5. When it comes to nose piercings, do you prefer a ring or stud?:

Studs, but not on myself. Just on others. Everyone is allowed to wear whatever they want anyway.

6. How many tattoos do you want?:

Two more, except one that I already have.

7. Last place you vacationed at?:

Does a weekend off count? If so, then Waterloo.

8. How many hours do you get at your current job?:

Standard is 40 hours a week, but now, I’m gonna get 8 hours a week due to health reasons.

9. Are you or anyone you know a vegetarian? Who?:

Yeah, me. Quite so.

10. Does your job have any restrictions on piercings and tattoos? What are they?:

No, it doesn’t. But I work in the factory and I don’t see people from outside, so no one cares.

11. What's your favorite song by your favorite band?:

Either Lange Frans & Baas B - Ik Wacht Al Zo Lang or Vildhjarta - Shiver.

12. What's one band that you only like one or two songs from?:

There are too many bands like that. I’m generally open to all kinds of music, but I rarely like the whole discography.

13. Do you want or have your belly button pierced?:

No and no.

14. Are you comfortable using public bathrooms?:

Nah. I never feel like doing a pee in front of other guys lol.

15. Ever been in a physical fight? How did it go?:

Nah, not really.

16. Do you like swimming? Do you have a pool?:

I’ve never learnt to swim, despite being born and raised at the sea; I’m not scared of water whatsoever. I don’t have a pool, our house is too small for that anyway.

17. What do you wear to bed in the summer?:

Literally nothing.

18. What's your least favorite fruit?:

Watermelon and all melon-related things. I hate the taste and the structure.

19. Ever seen the movie Fear Dot Com? Did you like it?:

Never heard about it.

20. Is anyone you know racist or sexist? How do you feel about it?:

Yeah, quite a few people. They won’t admit it loud, but they make jokes about Jews or black people, or people who are transgender. I don’t discuss things with people, but I don’t like when they joke in that way. For me, everyone is equal.

21. How old is the drinking age where you live?:

We don’t have a drinking age. We only have legal purchasing age, which is 16 for beer and wine, and 18 for strong liquors. Since 2010, it’s not allowed for adults to buy drinks for minors, previously it was something normal here.

22. What about the age to buy cigarettes?:

Again, 18.

23. Did you ever own a fake ID?:

Yea, good luck for that in Belgium. XD Our ID cards have a chip connected to the government database and it contains your whole life history that can be accessed by everyone who owns an electronic card reader. I doubt anyone would be able to quickly make up every possible document.

24. Do you have feelings for the last person you kissed? Why or why not?:

Yeah, he’s my husband.

25. Can you see without glasses or contacts?:

Not much, only blurred stains of colour. I suffer from lens dislocation in both eyes, it’s a symptom of Marfan syndrome, and my eyesight still gets worse, even though I’m older than 25.

26. What year did/do you graduate high school?:

2010.

27. How long does your cellphone battery last?:

Depends on the usage, one or two days.

28. Last hotel you stayed at?:

Martin’s Hotel, Waterloo. It was in April.

29. How do you take your tea?:

I don’t drink tea.

30. Do you think The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) was better as a wrestler or as an actor?:

I’ve never heard of him, so no opinion here.

31. If given a blank map of the US, could you name every state and where it belongs?:

Nah. I can tell you the location of every European country, though.

32. Do you prefer rollerskating or rollerblading?:

Both are fun.

33. Do you like mint-flavored gum?:

I hate mint, so no. I’m known for chewing gum all the time, though.

34. What type of socks do you like best (ankle, knee high, etc.)?:

Normal ones? Like, what do guys typically wear?

35. Would you rather write a 3-page paper or complete Algebra work?:

Algebra, even though it was one of my least favourite parts of math. I’m bad at verbal expression, so no writing for me.

36. Have you seen all of the Toy Story movies? What did you think of the last one?:

I’m not interested in movies, so no.

37. Ever gave money to a homeless person?:

Yeah, 2€ to the lady in Brussels. She has blessed me afterwards.

38. What's your favorite cartoon?:

Shaun the Sheep, man, this is hilarious.

39. How do you usually pay for stuff (cash, credit, etc.)?:

Debit card. Cash whenever it’s not possible to use a card.

40. Favorite ice cream flavor?:

Strawberry or so.

41. Last time you mailed something? What was it?:

I’ve mailed a link to one website to myself, because I wasn’t using my computer at that momenyt.

42. What are your parents' jobs?:

My mum has been unemployed for years and my dad is retired.

43. How long do you plan on living at home for?:

I live at home? What kind of question is that, I haven’t been living with my parents for years. I’m 32, for God’s sake.

44. Do you pay rent to live at home? Why or why not? Do you know if your parents will ever make you pay rent? If so, when?:

This is totally not applicable, I live with my husband and we share the bills.

45. How young is your youngest friend? What about oldest?:

Youngest is 22, oldest is 60.

46. Do you watch Judge Judy? Would you ever take a case to her?:

Never really did.

47. Last color you dyed your hair?:

It was supposed to be purple.

48. Ever been to a drive-in movie theater? Would you like to go?:

I’ve been once, fell asleep in the car. I wouldn’t do it again, I think.

49. What beach do you usually go to?:

Sint-Laureinsstrand, Westende. I was raised there <3 optionally, with my husband, we go to Bredene or Albertstrand in Knokke-Heist.

50. How many ear piercings do you have?:

Five, three in left ear and two in right ear.

[made @ xanga.com/surveys_for_nimrods]

[in-san-ity]

perfidy (c.s)

synopsis: A perfect life, perfect friends, perfect boyfriend. Why does it all seem too good to be true? Because it is. The greater the high, the greater the fall from it.

pairing: choi san x reader

genre: mafia au, fluff, angst and smut

word count: 20.8k

taglist: @tohokuu

After going to a stuffy private school your whole life where you were driven back and forth from school by chauffeurs, the experience of boarding the train to get to your university was something you appreciated a lot.

Your luck continued though, because your university seemed to be in the opposite direction of everyone else’s morning commute and thus you usually wouldn’t face the crowd that has everyone pressed against the doors. Maybe that was why you weren’t fed up with public transportation yet. In your three years of attending university, you had barely ever been in a crowd on the ride home or to university. Probably because most of the students had their own transport or lived on or near campus.

Everyone except you seemed to be in a hurry as they continued to bustle around the station, lined up behind a recharge station for their train cards and through the gates. You were leisurely sipping on your morning coffee as you stood in line, surprisingly more patient than everyone else as they shuffled on their feet, anxious for the line to move.

If you told your friends that you actually enjoyed waiting patiently for your turn and even woke up earlier anticipating it, they would look at you like you had committed a sin. Yes, you were used to being waited on hand and foot since you grew up relatively wealthy, but you weren’t the kind of person that got angry when things weren’t handed to you on a silver platter.

That was probably because in the face of any kind of inconvenience, you weren’t spoiled to death by their parents like they were. Your parents had divorced when you were very young, your father winning custody. Although with the way he raised you, you couldn’t imagine why he fought for it in the first place. To save face, you supposed.

You were practically raised by your nanny and whatever girlfriend your father had for that month. After the fourth girlfriend who wanted to be the mother you never had, you learnt not to get too attached to them. You’d actually feel bad when they believed that they were here to stay and could break your fathers’ bad habits.

As his girlfriend’s ages got closer to yours, you got even more uncomfortable whenever your father would come home; even though he had his own bedroom and office at your family manor, he spent most of his time at his condo.

It was safe to say that you didn’t exactly have a good father daughter relationship.

You got to the train platform right on time; just as you threw away your coffee cup in the trash the train pulled up and you calmly stepped inside, finding a seat almost immediately. The rest of the passengers boarding and the announcement for the train to leave the station fell upon deaf ears as soon as you stuffed your earphones in.

That was until someone sat beside you and poked your shoulder.

Startled, you immediately paused the music, pulling out one of your earphones and a boy about your age, who was looking extremely embarrassed, smiled at you. Even though he looked very uncomfortable, you couldn’t help but find him adorable when you noticed the dimples on his cheeks.

“I’m sorry for bothering me but do you know what station I have to get off to get to Winston Law?” He asked, biting his lip nervously.

“Yeah, you have to get off at Rocksbury and then take the bus.” You pointed at the directory on the train doors, and he nodded, smiling gratefully at you, “I’m headed to the same place, so I can take you there."

“You go to Winston Law?” Ah yes, the very college that your ‘friends’ begged you not to go to. You laughed in their face when they suggested doing the same thing as them which in this case was either getting pregnant, getting married or getting daddy’s company. None sounded the least bit appealing. Especially getting another reason to stay around your father.

You smiled, flashing the keychain on your bag that had the logo of your university, “Yeah, I’m in my third year, what about you?”

“I’m in my first year. I joined late, today is my first day.”

You nodded thoughtfully, “Well if you want, I’d be happy to show you around?”

The smile he sent you was enough to blind somebody, and you felt your retinas burn a little from how good-looking he was. The blonde grinned from ear to ear and his dimples were even more pronounced this time, eyes disappearing in the eye smile and your heart skipped a beat in your chest.

“I’d really like that, thank you.”

“I’m (Y/N) by the way.”

“San. Nice to meet you.”

***

You parted with San shortly after showing him around and even told him where he could download the campus map just in case, he found himself in an area he didn’t recognize. He was such a sweetheart, thanking you profusely when you parted at the administration office. It was only after entering your class you had realized you had forgotten to give him your number.

You didn’t usually hand out your number to freshman, but he was just so cute you’d be stupid not to. On the ride here you had found out that you both were the same age, but he joined college late because he didn’t think law was necessarily for him but changed his mind. So technically, you weren’t exactly preying on the wide-eyed lowerclassmen.

You were in class, tapping your pen against your notebook as you waited for the professor to enter the lecture hall. Everyone was already seated, some already asleep; Professor Kang let you do whatever you wanted so long as you didn’t interrupt him and make him lose his train of thought. If you were unlucky enough to yawn or sneeze loudly enough for him to forget what he was saying, lord knew you would be on the receiving end of a scolding for the rest of the period.

The class looked empty huge since most of the students opted to take Children’s law in their first year. You had been the stupid one to try and avoid it for the first 2 years in favour of taking things easy, but you needed to get your credit score up and now was stuck taking it without the company of your friends.

You were surprised when San quietly slid into the seat beside you, sparing a small smile as he pulled out his computer to take notes. The wallpaper was a solid colour which surprised you since he seemed like the type to set it up as a cute picture.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” When he finally noticed you staring, he looked embarrassed that he didn’t ask you for permission first and at the first sign of the frown on his face you were shaking your head, waving your hands frantically.

“No no, not at all. You just surprised me.”

That satisfied him, he smiled that adorable smile once again and nodded to himself distractedly, turning his attention to the front of the class as the professor stepped up to the board.

You tried to convince yourself that what your professor was saying wasn’t that important so you could stare at San some more as he absentmindedly smiled at his computer while diligently taking notes but when he caught you staring, you had no choice but to shamefully look back at your notebook, finally writing down something.

During the class, you kept wanting to speak to him, ask him how he found the campus and if he had checked out his schedule already, but you kept silent in favour of writing notes. You didn’t want to distract him on his first day, especially since he was more than enthusiastic about being here, jotting down every little thing that the professor said even though it wasn’t important.

When you noticed how his lips began pouting when he fell a little behind, you had made up your mind, you were going to ask this man on a date. Not immediately, of course, you’d take a couple weeks minimum to get a feel of his personality and what not but of what you’ve seen so far, you already like him.

With that resolve, you turned back to your notes, now diligently writing beside him until the end of the class. You calmly grabbed your things, knowing you didn’t have another class for at least half an hour. San on the other hand anxiously packed up his things and just when you thought he was going to leave, he turned to you with a small smile.

“You can totally say no, but do you mind if I have your number? I don’t know anyone here and I’d like to be friends.”

He was only asking for your phone number, but your heart rate increased so drastically one would’ve thought he asked for your hand in marriage. Grinning brightly, you quickly put in your number on his phone, and he sent you his by texting you a cute sticker of a bear.

“I have a class.” He said, the smile still apparent on his face and you giggled, “Would you mind if I walked you there?”

***

“It really isn’t that big of a deal, San.” You chuckled but he looked up at you in awe, like you had just strung all the stars in the sky and your heart swelled. San was the type to praise you if you ate well and it always made you feel good about yourself. He was just such a sweet person; you couldn’t help the way you fell for him.

It had been a couple weeks since you met him, and you had yet to ask him on a date. You had yet to go a day without speaking to him in some way; whether he invited you out for a cup of coffee or sent you a bunch of texts or even called you just as you were getting into bed or stepping into the bath.

You loved those conversations with him, where you were half asleep and just mumbling nonsense into the phone and you got the chance to hear his coarse voice as he was dozing off as well. As days passed and San became more prominent in your life, you realized you were falling deep for him.

He wasn’t shy as you thought he would be, as he got more comfortable with you, he even surprised you with how bold he was sometimes. Although you supposed he was used to having other’s attentions fixated on him, given how beautiful he was and how well he knew to style himself.

Usually by this point you’d know whether someone had an interest in you, but he was difficult to put a finger on. He was so closed off about his life outside university, usually not giving you many details but he was very interested in you.

Many times, he has redirected a conversation to be about you and before you realized it, you had rambled on for 2 hours while San stared at you with an affectionate look on his face. The last thing you would want is to make things awkward between the two of you.

He was also naturally flirtatious; it was his habit to hold onto people and hug them when he had nothing to do. You wouldn’t be surprised if the girl that served him coffee this morning thought that she might have a chance with San, but he had been adamant not to spend time with other girls since coming here.

For the most part, he had just hung around you and your friends and he fit well in your friend group since they were all the same age. Your female friends had been kind enough to keep him at arm’s length when you expressed that you might want to date him.

So basically, everyone was prepared for you to confess to San except yourself.

“What do you mean not a big deal?! It’s a huge deal! People usually have to beg and beg to join that committee but the fact that they asked you to join?! And you’re not even a fourth year?!”

What San was referring to, was the fact that you were on the Winston’s Intern Committee which was basically an internship programme where the university recommended their own students to big law firms. If a law firm was interested and your grades were high enough then they’d even offer to pay for your remaining years tuition.

The committee was usually for 4th year students and even those students were asked to submit a lengthy application along with many references to even be considered. When you began your 3rd year, you were more than surprised to get an invitation from them yourself. Your professors recommended you since you always showed a spectacular performance during mock trials since beginning university. You had yet to lose a trial, winning against your seniors as well.

It was an enormous deal.

But you didn’t want to be that person that lorded it over someone else. So, after your friends threw you a small get together as a congratulations, you barely ever spoke about it around them, not wanting to seem like you were trying to come off as superior.

But the way San kept stroking your ego made your heart swell with pride. It was something commendable and you were keening after receiving genuine praise from someone who found it amazing without feeling envious.

You sent him a shy smile, “Thank you.”

“Let’s go out to celebrate!”

You laughed at his enthusiasm, practically dragging you down the halls to get something to eat, “San this isn’t new. It happened months before we met. We already celebrated.”

He turned to you with a pout, “But I wasn’t there! Let me treat you to a nice meal and couple drinks! You deserve to feel special for today, you work so hard all the time.”

Your heart fluttered. Everyone in the university worked hard, the school was competitive, and no one wanted to fall behind. But it was still nice to hear that your efforts were recognizable and should be rewarded.

“Alright fine but we’re celebrating you making it through a month of university without looking like you want to kill someone.”

He nodded, interlacing your fingers as you left campus and walked towards the train station together.

“Is this a date?”

You nearly tripped over your own foot and likely would have toppled down the flight of stairs into the concrete had San not grabbed your hand tightly. He blushed lightly; he really chose the wrong place to have this conversation, one wrong move and he’d get to use the pickup line ‘Did it hurt when you fell from the top of the stairs?’

He was staring at you so earnestly that you felt the heat rise to your cheeks and even though he had basically given you the upper hand here, you were still bashful from his straightforwardness. Peeking up at him from beneath your lashes, you meekly asked, “Do you want it to be?”

Sn reached for your other hand, holding both of them in his as you stood at the top of the staircase together feeling like you were the only two on the face of the planet.

That cute dimple on his cheek was back, making you feel weak just by looking at him. If you were to have your own kryptonite, a substance that could reduce you into a pile of mush and unproductivity, you’d find it in his dimple.

It was dangerous, giving someone so much power over you; you had seen it happen to your father’s girlfriends but if this was how they felt just by holding hands, you couldn’t blame them for laying out their heart. Afterall, they weren’t the ones at fault for loving, it was your father who was at fault for only being loved and never giving any.

So far, you had only been on the receiving end of San’s affection. He was always so quick to compliment you, to make you feel like you were soaring with just a couple words. You were resolute; you wouldn’t use him like your father, you’d give him just as much as he gave you.

“I want this to be a date.” He said, smiling kindly at you and butterflies erupted through your insides.

“Me too.”

***

An amusement park date was your idea of a perfect first date. The perfect spot that kept things interesting while still enjoying each other’s company. So, when San suggested it, you couldn’t help but feel like he was every bit your soulmate.

The day started off strong, with the two of you riding every ride, holding hands as you reached the top and screaming your lungs out as you came down. You laughed until your stomach hurt when San claimed he was too tired to wait in lines and proceeded to put all his weight on you.

San argued with you for a good five minutes about paying for lunch and snacks. He didn’t even let you take your wallet out of your bag before he was handing the vendor his money, urging him to take it before you could protest.

Since San had spent a good amount of money on both the food and the tickets, you felt entitled to repay him.

Which is exactly why you were currently losing every last bit of money in your purse to the carnival game. The vendor was clearly enjoying your struggling and every time San offered to help you nudged him away with your hip. You didn’t think that shooting plastic pellets at a couple targets was so hard, but you were being proved wrong. Your eyes were hurting from trying to aim the gun.

At this rate you’d have to find an ATM fast if you wanted to continue playing.

Just as you paid for another round, San pushed you aside and even though you protested and even tried to climb on him as he grabbed the unnecessarily long rifle. He didn’t even have to take a couple minutes to aim before you heard the sound of the pellet hitting the target.

You froze in your spot, watching San in awe as he continued to shoot down the targets. Even the vendor was shocked, handing you the plushie without another word.

You pouted, holding the Shiba plushie to your chest, “I wanted to win it for you.”

San chuckled, wrapping an arm around your waist to lead you away from all the sparkly lights on the other games. No doubt if your eyes landed on the ring toss game or basketball, you’d go home bankrupt.

“With the amount you spent trying to win it, you practically bought it.”

“It’s still yours, I want you to have it.” You insisted, pushing it into his chest and he nodded with a placating smile, holding both you and the plushie close to him.

“What should we name it?” He asked, looking up at the purple sky. The sun had almost set and in the matter of a few minutes, the streetlamps would be the only things giving you light. You didn’t realize it got so late already, when you started the game, the sun had hardly begun setting.

‘Time flies when you’re having fun.’ You thought, looking back at San’s face.

A couple years ago, you had read something in a psychology post on Facebook about how it only took 7 seconds to fall in love with someone. It was absolute bullshit, you had seen it before in your fathers’ girlfriends and you knew that if it only took seconds then it was attraction, it was lust, maybe even delusion but it was never love.

Looking at San, the way his eyes curved into an adorable eye smile, the blonde strands of hair covering his eyes slightly and holding the plushie to his chest, you wondered if what you were feeling in your chest was love.

It hadn’t been too long since you met each other, it had certainly been more than 7 seconds but this feeling in your chest got stronger the longer you knew him. If someone else had told you this, you would have thought they were quite pathetic to get so emotional in such a short span of time, but it felt different when it was you. The feelings felt real.

If this is what delusions felt like, you weren’t opposed to it.

Afterall wasn’t this the kind of story that all old couples told for years to come? About how they met their soulmate in college or high school and stayed together ever since. While it was difficult to put your finger on it since your relationship was so young, it felt like something that would last for years to come.

“What about Shiber?” His question brought you out of your thoughts that were ironically filled with him, finding him staring at you with a smile and his eyes wide, like they could fit the whole sparkling galaxy within them.

“I think it’s perfect.”

San leaned in to peck your lips and you felt a jolt of electricity rush through you. When he pulled away, he was smiling at you affectionately, tightening the hold around your waist to lead you through the lit streets, the plushie clutched between the two of you.

***

San’s lips were soft.

That was the only thought that remained in your head when San moulded his lips against yours again and again. Your mind was completely blank as he carefully guided you through his apartment, though your knees did end up knocking together as your unsynchronized steps backed you towards the bedroom.

You barely registered him switching on the lights and pulling off your jacket before chucking it to some corner of the room. Your arms were leisurely thrown over his shoulders, one hand playing with the blonde strands at the nape of his neck, and you smiled in the kiss when you felt him shiver.

Even though there was a need that fuelled your current make out session, it wasn’t rushed or extremely feisty; it was slow, and passion filled. Each kiss that was shared was gentle but firm and had butterflies erupting in your stomach.

When you fell back against his bed all your senses were heightened and it felt like your skin would light on fire just from the sensation of his cotton duvet against the sliver of skin exposed between your shirt and the waistband of your pants.

It was quiet, aside from the occasional sound of his lips smacking against yours as his tongue gently traced the contours of your mouth and the rustles of the sheets as you squirmed underneath him. You whimpered into San’s mouth when one of his knees parted your legs and immediately you became very aware of your lungs that burned for air.

You let your head hit the plush pillows as San began trailing his lips down your neck while his knee inched closer to your core. Your eyes fluttered open and close while his hands traced your hips.

“Mmm stop.” You moaned out, gently pushing his head away from you and San stopped immediately, pulling away and putting a little distance between the two of you without leaving the bed.

His eyes shone with uncertainty and your heart swelled just a little, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s just—” You began, trailing off as you felt a blush crawl up your neck.

“What is it?” He coaxed gently.

“Shiber’s staring at us.” You murmured, embarrassed, looking at the plushie that you had ‘won’ for him back at the carnival sitting at the edge of his bed. San blinked at you before letting out a breathy laugh.

“You’re so cute.” He giggled, leaning down to nudge his nose against your cheek before placing a peck there. You blushed, hiding just how flustered you were when you noticed the plushie’s black eyes staring right at the two of you while you made out on his bed, making you uncomfortable.

He reached for the plush toy, placing at the foot of the bed so you couldn’t see it anymore before straddling you once again.

“He’ll hear us.” You whispered and he chuckled at you, kissing your neck lightly. Even though it was an inanimate object, there was just something about doing it in front of its eyes that made you insanely uncomfortable.

“Then you better keep quiet.” He whispered back, smiling adorably and your stomach flipped.

His lips returned to your, instantly wiping away any worries you might have had, and you eagerly returned his kiss, arms finding place over his shoulders once again. His lips really were so soft.

San pulled away from you only for a second to pull his shirt over his head and even though you already missed the feeling of his lips on yours, you wouldn’t help the gasp that left your lips as a hand came to cover your mouth.

“You have tattoos?!”

He raised a brow, “Yes?”

“Oh my god, really? Wow, you really don’t seem like the type.” You thought out loud and San blushed underneath your gaze. Usually when his shirt was off, girls tended to stare at his well-built body with lustful eyes instead of the ink that was littered on his skin. You, on the other hand, let your eyes rake over each inch of skin that was tattooed with amazement.

It made him feel adored.

“Do they have special meanings or are you the type to get fun tattoos?” You asked, shyly reaching a hand up to trace the letters on his bicep. He shivered lightly as your fingers grazed his arms, lightly fluttering over the one on the side on his abdomen when you were done.

“They all have meanings.”

“What about this one?” You asked, running your fingertip over the letters on his bicep that read ‘Ateez’. San didn’t really want to answer, not wanting to say too much but the way you were looking up at him with wonder in your eyes, he felt himself relent way too quickly.

“That’s just a silly group name my friends gave us when we were younger. I’m still really good friends with all the guys so we all got matching tattoos.” He said quietly and you nodded, looking at the other tattoo on his other arm; it was a tiny line drawing of a mountain against a cloudy sky, “And that one?”

“My sister’s name is Hana.”

“Ah, so a mountain and the sky. That’s cute.” You smiled, letting your eyes linger on it for a few more minutes before poking at the tiny umbrella that was on the side of his abdomen.

“My best friend’s name is Wooyoung, so we’re WooSan.” He explained and you giggled, nodding and skated your eyes over his body again, trying to spot anything you might have missed.

“They’re pretty.” You said quietly and kissed his lips, realizing just how intimate the moment had gotten, with San still leaning above you. It wasn’t lustful anymore; the air wasn’t crackling with passion as it was a couple minutes ago, and you flushed prettily.

“I kinda ruined the moment, didn’t I?”

“You didn’t.” San said, rolling onto his side and pulling you into his arms. You placed your head against his bare chest and wrapped an arm around his waist, “You just turned it into a different mood.”

“I just wanna lay here for a while, with you. Is that okay?”

You felt a kiss land on the top of your head before you both settled into each other and pulled the covers over your bodies, getting Shiber off the floor to cuddle with you.

“That’s okay.”

***

You woke up earlier than you usually did and by the time you were out of the shower, the morning sky was still a bit purple, and the streetlamps were still lit up outside. Instead of hearing the chirping of birds in the morning, you kept your ears open for any sounds from the floor below you.

You had spent the night tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep with the feeling of dread on your shoulders even though you had double checked to make sure the door was locked. And that same feeling of dread was the reason you had awoken before the sun was even up, despite how your tired limbs were pleading to go back to your comfortable bed.

All this because the housekeeper had informed you when you got home from university the day before that your father was planning to spend the night at the manor, apparently because he needed to use his home office for something.

Your father’s home office was the one place that wasn’t allowed to the rest of the staff. No one was allowed to enter, and your father had gone through the liberty of placing a number lock on it but since it doubles as a panic room, your father gave you the password to it.

When you tiptoed down to the exit, bent on skipping breakfast, you caught a glimpse of your father passed out on the couch as if he didn’t have a queen-sized bed in the other room. You weren’t sure whether it was because he was drunk, and you were not too keen to find out. Instead, you held your shoes in your hand and slipped out the door, putting them on outside before walking to the bus station.

Your mornings were usually filled with music but now the silent walk to university was spent by San’s side. It was weird; before you looked forward to being alone, needing some isolation time in the morning to get your thoughts sorted before a big day but now you craved to be by your boyfriend’s side.

Some days he’d be the reason you’d be beaming while sitting beside him on the train and some days he didn’t say much while you leaned against his shoulder, catching up on whatever sleep you lost the night before while trying to finish an assignment.

“Morning baby.” San murmured, kissing your temple as he slid into the train seat beside you and you automatically turned your body to him, resting your head against his shoulder instead of the window.

The train car was completely empty, since you both had left earlier today, and it was nice pretending like you were the only two people on the face of the Earth. San pat his hand on your thigh lightly, making you shiver when his skin met that of your bare thigh.

You hummed and kissed his cheek in greeting, “Sleep well?”

Had you seen this type of couple on the train, you probably would’ve cringed while secretly being jealous but now that you had been in a relationship with San for almost 3 months now, you didn’t mind being that cheesy couple on the train that made others envious.

Finally, it felt like things in your life were starting to be genuine. The last 3 years you had spent in college had given you a purpose, interests, and challenges; and now the last 3 months had given you fulfilment, satisfaction, and this weird burning feeling in your chest whenever you looked at him. Love was something you had yet to feel for someone else and it was exciting to say the least.

“Are you okay?” He had noticed that you weren’t exactly responding as well as you usually did. You were thinking about whether your father would be home when you got back and spend another night. The brief thought of spending the night at San’s house instead flashed through your head and your heart fluttered.

“Just a little stressed.” You mumbled, leaning further into the crook of his neck and San gently brushed a lock of your hair behind your ear.

“Then let me relax you.” San turned his head to press his lips against your ear and you shivered when you felt his tongue against your earlobe before his lips trailed down your neck. You tilted your head away from him to show him the expanse of your neck when he bit down on the space behind your ear.

The hand on your thigh inched closer to the hem of your skirt and your breath got caught in your chest. It felt like your body was buffering, trying to decide whether to clench your thighs shut or spread them wider and your bottom lip quivered when his fingers disappeared underneath the fabric of your skirt, barely grazing the skin of your thigh.

There was no one here to see what you both were doing, and you were facing away from the doors so even if someone did come in, they wouldn’t be able to see what San was currently doing. Still, your heartbeat picked up with both the anxiety and thrill of doing this in a public place.

You felt yourself grow wetter, suddenly getting sensitive and it felt like all your nerves were buzzing. A small whimper left your mouth when he traced the edge of your panties with a delicate fingertip. San only chuckled at you before more boldly pressing his fingers against your clothed pussy and you bit your lip to keep in a moan.

He rubbed gentle circles to your heat, feeling the material get damp and hot with each second.

“Already so wet, baby? I barely even touched you.” He teased, whispering into your ear and you blushed hotly, embarrassed from the truth in his words.

“Is this turning you on? Is the thought of me making my baby a mess right here, where anyone could see, turning you on?” He taunted and you felt your stomach flip as his fingers pressed harder into your clit, nearly sliding off the seat when your hips bucked into his hand.

A hand went up to cup his cheek before you pulled him into an open-mouthed kiss, tangling his tongue with yours. San groaned lightly into your mouth, and you almost beamed with pride at how turned on you managed to get him with a simple kiss but that quickly turned into a startled moan against his lips when his fingers hurriedly pushed aside your underwear to meet your soaking folds.

He groaned again, sucking on your tongue as drool dripped down his chin when he felt just how wet you were for him. The thought of being in a public place and the possibility of being caught any second began to slip your mind the second his fingers slipped into your hole.

You were embarrassingly wet, your needy pussy drooling all over his palm and his fingers didn’t feel any resistance while he pumped his finger steadily before adding two more at once and you let out a loud moan. He brought you closer and closer to the brink of an orgasm, his other hand pushing up your skirt to your waist before rubbing your clit harshly.

“So pretty for me, just for me.” He mumbled more to himself than you and you nearly fawned over how he aroused he was by giving you pleasure.

The sound of the train rumbling and your moans were loud enough that you almost missed the sound of squelching as he fingered you.

The sight of San with his pupils blown wide, lips wet and puffy as drool pooled in the corner of his mouth was enough to make you cum, tumbling over the edge with a loud moan and he groaned brokenly at the sight of your eyes rolling back into your head.

You squirmed when his fingers left your cunt, feeling your juices drip down but the uncomfortable feeling was already forgotten when you watched San put his fingers into his mouth, whimpering at the taste.

“Let me clean you up, baby. Let me lick up the mess I made.” He whispered, getting down to his knees and you heard the announcement for your station coming up. With a small smirk, you batted his hands away, ignoring his whines and straightened out your skirt and panties.

You kissed him deeply, smiling at the taste of yourself on his tongue and pulled away when the train came to a stop.

“Be patient today and maybe you can eat me out on the way home.”

He grinned widely and even though he literally just had you cumming in a train car, he looked like the purest, most innocent baby boy there was, “Will you come over tonight? We can have a sleepover.”

You mirrored his smile, intertwining your fingers as you got off the train together, “Alright but I don’t have my pjs.”

“Good because we don’t need any.”

***

San’s comforter covered your bare bodies as you kissed after a night of making love. He was leaning over you, arms holding your waist and yours were thrown over his shoulders, revelling in the feeling of his muscles tensing beneath your touch before gently tracing the lines that you created while dragging your nails down his back.

The marks on your neck were darkening and you knew San was pleased when he pulled away from the kiss and smiled at you. You returned it with a groggy smile of your own and pecked his lips quickly once again before settling into the plush pillows.

“Do you trust me?” San asked after and while and even though you wanted to go to sleep, you wrenched your eyes open to find him staring at you with a look of innocence. A hand went to slowly rake through his hair as you tried to process what he was saying with a tired mind.

“Why do you ask?”

He shrugged, pouting absentmindedly, and reaching for Shiber even though you slapped his hands away from the plush toy. You both were naked; it would be weird.

“Just wondering. It’s okay if you don’t, I’ll earn your love.” He replied and you chuckled, pushing the strands of hair away from his face. Another sweet kiss was shared as San settled down beside you and pulled your body to his chest.

“Love isn’t earned, babe. Love is given. Trust is earned.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Well, love means wanting the best for someone else even if it comes at your expense. And trust is knowing that someone else is the best for you.” You thought out loud. For others, it could have different meaning but when you thought about it, this is what you came up with.

“Do you love me?” Came his silent question, voice no higher than a whisper and his arms tightened around you.

“I do.” You whispered.

“Do you trust me?”

“I do.”

You both didn’t have to speak any more words, sharing another kiss before settling into each other’s arms with your legs tangled underneath the blankets.

***

There was some music going on the background, bouncing off the tiles of San’s bathroom while you sat on the counter, swinging your legs back and forth. After the first night of sleeping over at San’s place, it started to become a more regular thing, with you spending multiple nights there a week.

The empty drawer in San’s dresser slowly started to fill up with your clothes, and his hoodies and sweats had more instances of being on your body or his floor rather than him wearing them. His bathroom got some of your skincare products too, that he unashamedly used on the rarity that you weren’t there.

San was eager to help you out with your night routine today, making you sit up on the counter while he very carefully took off your makeup and then massaged all your products into your skin dutifully. After he was done, you insisted to do the same for him as well, giggling when he tried to eat the lip scrub that you were gently rubbing in.

“You look pretty without makeup.” He said tenderly, pecking your cheek and you smiled.

“I look pretty all the time, baby.”

“You especially look pretty when I make all the makeup run when I—” He didn’t even get to finish his sentence, yelping when you ran some water from the tap before splashing it at him.

“Can we just have one night where you don’t try to get in my pants?” The offended look on his face made you laugh before you were jumping off the counter, watching his pout turn into a smirk as he reached for the tap to throw some water at you.

You scampered to the shower, grabbing the shower head and switching it on, spraying him from head to toe and laughing out loud when he started complaining that the water was too cold. He ran at you and grabbed you from the back, grabbing the shower head and pointing at you and you shrieked when you felt water run down your, really San’s, shirt.

“You’re making the moisturizer run! We just spent like 20 minutes putting all this stuff on!” You complained, feeling the moisturizer run down your neck but San merely cackled, making sure to get your hair wet too.

You wiggled out of his grip, nearly slipping in the puddle of water on the floor to shut off the tap, turning back to him with a playful glare that he responded to with an innocent shrug. Your hair was sticking to your face and the shirt you were wearing was sticking uncomfortably to you, but you grinned widely despite feeling an onset of sniffles and a chill.

“We better wipe all this up before one of us falls and crack our skull.” He said, getting some towels from the hamper that he needed to wash tomorrow anyway.

You noticed his white shirt almost transparent against his skin and his pants were soaking wet with drops of water falling from the hem and onto the floor.

“We should get you out of those clothes.”

San’s smile turned into a smirk.

You scowled, “It’s been 5 minutes. What the fuck.”

***

“Hey, how come we never go over to your place?” San asked one morning as you ate the breakfast that he made for you. The sight of him cooking with his shirt off was enough to get you out of bed even though your thighs burned a little with each step.

The question kind of caught of you off guard and you looked up at him surprised with crumbs covering your chin. He chuckled at the sight, leaning over the counter to wipe your chin even though the look in your eye had him slightly concerned.

“Are you ashamed of me or something?” He asked in a small voice, poking the food on his plate with his fork and avoiding eye contact with you.

“No, not at all, Sannie. It’s not you, I promise.” You explained, beckoning him from behind the counter to come give you a hug. The second he was in your arms you were peppering kisses all over his face. He tried to pull you in for a deeper kiss, opening his mouth a little to try and press his tongue into your mouth but you giggled and pulled away, laughing when he whined.

“I barely like going home myself. It’s not you baby, I just think if you come home, I’d never be able to relax like I am now.”

He nodded thoughtfully, “What makes you so uncomfortable about it?”

“Well, my dad never really gives me notice when he comes home, and I just hate it when he is. He makes me all uncomfy.”

“It’s okay, baby. I’m sorry for asking.” You just shook your head, telling him he did nothing wrong before kissing him again. Even though you wanted to pull away, it wasn’t long before San was standing between your legs with his hands grabbing your ass tightly.

“Breakfast is gonna get cold.” You murmured against his lips, panting when he pressed his hips against yours.

“It’s alright. I have an appetite for something else.”

***

“I know I call you princess sometimes, but this is ridiculous.” San exclaimed as you pulled up to your house and you chuckled at his awestruck face as he continued to gape at the tall mansion in front of him. You didn’t really mention being wealthy in front of him, but you didn’t exactly hide it either. Maybe he just never noticed.

“You’re going to start drooling, Sannie.” You teased, pushing his mouth closed and he turned to you with wide eyes.

“You actually live here?”

You chuckled and nodded, finding him so very cute when he looked a little lost just standing in the driveway.

“I’m allowed to put my shoes on here, right?”

At this you literally burst into laughter and San grinned, automatically feeling lighter at the sound of his favourite thing in the world. He whined cutely, throwing a tantrum and began flailing his arms around while stomping his feet, complaining that you were making fun of him, and you were laughing so hard that tears were in the corner of your eye.

Now that you got a good look at him, he looked too much like a child heading for a sleepover with a backpack on his shoulders and bundled in a blue sweater and a warm scarf that you put around him before leaving.

Embarrassed, San hid the lower face of his face in the scarf even though you could see the tips of his red ears peeking over it. Cooing at him, you grabbed his hand before pulling him to the front door, just chuckling at him when he asked you if you could just leave your car like that in the middle of the path.

The door opened as soon as you walked up to it, a man behind it smiling kindly at you and you returned it while wishing him a good afternoon. San merely stared at him in wonder before awkwardly bowing and then let you pull him to the foyer.

“Hi, dear.” You smiled at the housekeeper as she exited the kitchen, greeting her kindly and her eyes landed on the boy beside you who smiled widely at her.

“Is this your boyfriend?”

Even though he had been your boyfriend for multiple months now, you still blushed at the sound of someone else saying and nodded, watching her small smile turn into an outright beam. She gave you a motherly smile but chose not to say anything more other than asking what you wanted for dinner, and you asked her to get the barbeque ready so you could have grills, which happened to be San’s favourite.

“I can’t believe you grew up here.” San commented, entering your bedroom. If San looked closely enough, he could see the height markings on the doorframe that you had insisted on doing when you were younger because you saw it in a cartoon even though your nanny had tried to talk you out of it for fear of ruining the door frame.

On the dresser, you had framed the pictures that you took at the photobooth, and San smiled at it for a split second. You told him to wait there while you went to the bathroom and then you could watch some movies, so San took his time walking around the room and taking in all your decorations.

On the wall, you had pinned up a couple pictures with your friends, the acceptance letter from your university and a little doodle of a dinosaur that you just thought was cute. Right beside it was a wrinkled and worn picture of you and your mother, taken at a travelling circus. If he peeked into the closet, he would find it lined with fancy dresses and shoes that you wore to your socialite friends’ parties as well as sweats and biker shorts that you wore to university during finals week.

And finally on the nightstand beside your bed was a small, framed drawing of you and San that he remembered taking on a date together. You had taken the train to a small town outside the city and were stopped in the streets by an artist who invited you to sit and get a portrait drawn.

San had ended up paying for it since you had a habit of only carrying around credit cards. It was difficult to pose for nearly an hour to get the picture drawn but eventually, you both just began talking, not paying the artist any mind as you chatted.

The moment was captured beautifully, with the two of you staring at each other fondly, wide smiles on your face as you laughed about something that happened in class the other day.

Without realizing it, San was smiling softly at the frame in his hands, admiring just how beautiful you looked in it. Obviously, the artist couldn’t capture your true beauty, but San remembered how you were smiling at him that day, how your small hands held his and the way your eyes looked.

“San? I got the movie room ready, what do you feel like watching today?” You asked, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind him.

San didn’t reply, only turning around in your arms to wrap you into a tight hug. He buried his head into the crook of your neck, holding your waist tightly against his body and though you were confused from the sudden bout of affection, you wordlessly wrapped your arms around his shoulders when he took in a shaky breath.

“What’s wrong?”

“I love you.” He breathed, not pulling away from the hug. He didn’t want to see the look in your eyes when you heard his confession for the first time. You had been quick to admit that you loved San and completely accepted it when he didn’t return it. You knew that it was harder to fall in love for some people and even harder to admit it for others, so you waited patiently until he felt like he was ready.

“You sound upset by that.” You joked, rubbing his arms comfortingly.

“I don’t deserve it.” He whispered, only for you to hear, “I don’t deserve to love you. I don’t deserve you.”

You pulled away from the hug only far enough to cup his cheeks, heart tearing a little in your chest as he stared at you with a pained look. He looked so vulnerable in this moment, like a glass on the verge of breaking and you wondered just why he suddenly felt so insecure in your relationship or if he always felt this way.

“I told you before, you don’t have to earn my love. I’m going to love you regardless. And you don’t have to earn the right to love someone else. I’m grateful that you love me.”

With a shaky exhale, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to your, closing his eyes, “I—I just—”

The words got caught in his throat and you felt his brows furrow as he tried to get his voice back but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t speak and San felt tears brim beneath his eyelashes, heart breaking in his chest. His lip quivered and you heard him sniffle before you were pulling him into another hug.

The few tears that you felt against your neck as San held onto you for dear life went unspoken as you both just held each other, swaying to the sound of silence.

***

“Ugh this is just so typical!” You fumed, pacing around San’s living room while he watched you with a concerned gaze as he made you something to eat. You were burning away your energy with rage and nearly burning a hole into his ground with the amount you were pacing.

The reason for your anger? Your father decided to throw some sort of party at the manor while you weren’t home. No doubt he didn’t even bother to check if you were there, and you got no message from him that he was going to turn the house into some sad brothel where other 50-year-old clowns like him got drunk and tried to hit on the strippers.

You got a text from the housekeeper this morning that told you one of them had even snuck into your bedroom for a cigarette and now your room smelt like the inside of a smoker’s lung. The staff had opened a window the morning but knowing your sensitivity to the smell of tobacco, they suggested that you spent the night at San’s.

It wasn’t the smoking that had you so on edge, it was the fact that a man had been in your room without your permission, and you had no way of knowing what he did in there. You told her to check if anything was missing or out of place and to sanitize everything she possibly could. You suggested hiring a cleaning crew if she wanted, knowing that your father would’ve no doubt messed up the entire house in a span of one night.

“Baby, try to relax, you’re going to tire yourself out if you keep this up.” San coaxed, bringing over a plate of pasta and tugging you to the couch.

“Ugh, I wish I could just take this fork and stab his eye out.” You seethed, gripping the utensil tightly as you viciously stabbed the poor pasta and shovelling it into your mouth.

With a concerned glance, he pulled the fork out of your vice like grip, “How about I feed you?”

With a mouthful of food, you began ranting, “It’s just so typical of him, you know? Invites a who’s who of paedophiles and cheaters into the place this his daughter lives, not caring what the hell they do and not even bothering to check in with me. I’m not asking him to suddenly be father of the year but at least acknowledge I exist, you know?”

He nodded compassionately, “I know, baby. Your feelings are totally valid.”

“And it’s just going to bother me forever knowing that I have no idea what the hell that man did inside my room. I might just be overthinking it and he might have just gone there for a smoke but why my room of all places? It’s just creepy. I should just move out.” You shuddered at the thought of that creep going through your drawers or something.

San, on the other hand, looked like a lightbulb just flickered over his head and he sent you a mischievous smirk, “Well, what do you say to a little pay back?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your dad let someone sneak into your room to do god knows what? I say we return the favour.”

***

You had to keep in your giggles while San peppered kisses to the back of your neck and shoulder while you tried to press in the code to your father’s office. It was weird that you planned this beforehand, but it also filled you with a sense of anticipation. His arms tightened around your waist when the lock beeped, indicating that it had opened, and you pushed open the door.

You both shuffled inside and turned on the light before clicking the door shut. The room was pretty big, with a large mahogany desk sat at the end of the room, completely bare of anything and the light bounced off its shiny surface. Your stomach was twisting into knots as you walked closer to it, the kisses on your neck starting to turn wetter as he began licking and biting marks onto your skin.

When you reached the desk, San turned you around in his arms to press you against the surface and caught your lips in a passionate kiss. You moaned lightly, opening your mouth when his tongue grazed your bottom lip, and his hands squeezed your ass.

San lifted you up and set you on the desk, parting your legs to stand between them, his hands now cupping your breasts as you moaned into his mouth. You felt him get harder against your thigh, whimpering when he pulled down the fabric of your dress so your breasts would spill out from the top of the neckline.

He kissed down your neck, taking your pert nipple into his mouth and tugging with his teeth while his hand tweaked the other one between his fingers. You mewled at the feeling, arching your back and letting your head hang back.

You shivered at the cold air hitting his spit on your nipple as he turned his attention to your other breast. His hand slowly snuck behind you to find the zipper on your dress, pulling it apart with both hands until it was pooling at your waist.

You hopped back on the table as soon as you stepped out on the dress, spreading your legs so he could see your panties already damp with your arousal. San groaned, slowly lowering you until your back hit the desk and getting to his knees before you.

He pulled the underwear off you, and you shivered when your bare ass hit the cold wood. You yelped when he drew an invisible line along your heat with his finger, moaning when he followed it with his tongue.

“You’re so wet.” He growled out, inserting on finger into your dripping hole and you whined when you heard the loud squelch of your juices, “My baby girl is so naughty. Dripping wet at the thought of me fucking her in her dad’s office.”

“Sannie.” You whined, wanting him to stuff you full but he continued to move a single finger inside you, slowly.

“Are you gonna beg, baby? Beg me to make you cum right here, on your dad’s desk?” He taunted, licking your clit lightly and you gasped, arching your back off the table. He paid no mind to your groans and whines, continuing the torturous pace he set.

“Tell me should I eat you out right here, or bend you over and fuck you till you can’t walk?”

“Mmh, please.” You moaned out and he chuckled, wrapping his arms around your thighs, and tugging you closer to his mouth. You gasped loudly, tangling your fingers in his hair as he licked up your heat, making a sloppy mess of your cunt before he sank two fingers into you.

He didn’t give you a moment to adjust before he was thrusting his fingers in and out of you, pulling every single sound you could make out of your throat. He peppered a few kisses to your clit before tugging the bud between his teeth and you shrieked, pulling on his hair.

He pulled his fingers away for a second to deliver a mean slap to your pussy and your thighs spasmed around his head as he landed a couple more before pushing them back into you. With a couple more thrusts, your eyes were rolling back into your head as you came around his fingers, but San didn’t relent, fucking his fingers through your orgasm, taking you higher and higher.

You could hardly hear anything over the thumping of your heart in your ears, but you could feel your throat start to hurt from how much you were screaming, and San slapped your cunt one more time, catching your clit with one of his rings and it felt like you couldn’t even fucking breathe as you squirted all over him.

When the spots in your vision began to clear, you looked down to see San smirking at you with your cum dripping from the lower half of his face. He only wiped it with the back of his hand before meeting your lips in a kiss.

San pulled off his pants, wiping the bead of precum dribbling from the tip of his cock and hissing as he pumped himself a few times before he rolled on a condom. He tugged you off the desk and onto wobbling legs before turning you around, “Bend over for me baby.”

You didn’t listen. Instead, you smirked and grabbed his jaw tugging him behind the desk so he could settle into the leather chair before climbing over him. San mirrored the smirk on your face, running his hands over your still trembling thighs as you pulled him into a passionate kiss.

You positioned him to your twitching hole and San groaned at the feeling of your warm walls already sucking him in. After sharing another kiss, you began sinking down into it, taking his length all at once. You both moaned loudly, San dug his fingernails into your waist, his moans turning a little high pitched as you clenched so tightly around him when your hips met his.

You could feel the strain on your thighs as you lifted yourself off him, sinking back down with a loud moan before building up a steady pace. Your hands were holding into his shoulders for leverage as you fucked yourself on his dick, eyes rolling back into your skull.

“Feels good, yeah? Like me stuffing you full?” San growled out, flicking one of your nipples with his tongue and you squealed, walls fluttering around him.

“What about you, my sweet boy? Does it feel good? Do you like me squeezing your big cock like this? You’re so good for me, baby.” You cooed, drooling a little from just how good his tip felt when it brushed up against that one spot. San keened at the praise, peppering kisses to the valley between your breasts.

One of his hands left your waist to rub at your clit and you gasped, biting your lip hard as your pace picked up, ignoring the burning in your thighs.

San was close to cumming but held off until you were over the edge yourself, a borderline painful orgasm washing over you as you convulsed in his arms and clenched around him so tightly that he came, your walls milking him dry as they tightened around him like a vice.

You spent a few seconds in his arms, panting as you both tried to regain your breath. You shared another kiss, wiping away the little beads of sweat that were running down his neck. San pat your thigh to signal you to get off him however you jerked as soon as you tried to move, whimpering at the pain in your thighs.

“Ow, my legs are killing me, I cannot move.”

He grinned widely, “I literally fucked you until you couldn’t walk?”

You scoffed, “Excuse me, I did all the work!”

He tried to move off the chair with you in his arms, but the leather squealed loudly against his ass and the two of you burst into laughter. He delicately moved you off him, helping you put on your dress before he wiped the place clean and carried you to the bathroom for a soothing soak to help your sore muscles.

The only evidence that you both were ever there left in the office’s trashcan.

***

“Are you sleepy?” San asked, amused at the fact you tried to keep your eyes open despite being visibly exhausted. You had a huge presentation today that you had been preparing for the entire week. San had been the most attentive and encouraging, picking up books for you from the library, helping review your paper, he even made your power point file more eye-catching and heard your speech multiple times while you pretended that he was an audience.

The presentation counted a lot of your final grade, so it was understandable that you were so tense, worrying over every little detail and not having the time or the brain space to even take care of yourself at this point. San had taken over that aspect as well, making sure you were hydrated and well fed, receiving amounts of caffeine and healthy foods at intervals to keep your energy up.

“You should really take care of yourself, babe. One day I might not be there to do this for you.” San mumbled, massaging the shampoo into your scalp. You both sat in your tub, your back against his chest and nestled between both his legs, catching up on the sleep that you had lost the entire week either because you were working late, or your nerves wouldn’t let you have a peaceful rest.

Seeing you so peaceful and trusting in his arms made San feel things he had never felt before, he handled you with such a featherlight touch like he was scared you would shatter underneath his touch. He carefully washed the suds out of your hair, making sure the water was warm so you wouldn’t be startled awake before combing the conditioner through it.

With the same patience and delicate touch, he finished bathing you, leaving you to soak in the warm water for a few minutes while he pulled on a pair of sweats before coming back in the bathroom and gently waking you up. You whined and squirmed when you left the tub because of the cold but San was quick to shush you, enveloping you in a warm towel that was fresh from the dryer.

He switched on the heat in your room when he carried you in there, quickly wiping you dry and rubbing lotion into your skin before dressing you in your pyjamas. You were compliant this entire time, letting him mould your body like warm wax as he moved you around in an effort to get you completely dry and warm without making you do any work yourself.

After your hair was towelled dry, you both were underneath the covers, cuddled close to each other. The room was warm, and he felt like syrup next to you. You were deep asleep, half your subconscious still swaying as though you were still in the tub and while the bath wasn’t meant for his relaxation, San was feeling pretty blissed out laying beside your warm body.

Someone to love, someone to take care of, someone who let him take care of them. All these things were new to San, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t treasure it. The feeling of you cuddled up to him, finally getting the rest that you deserved made his heart swell, feeling satisfied just by watching you rest peacefully.

With it came a sinking feeling of dread that killed him a little on the inside.

He swallowed the lump in his throat with a little difficulty and held you a little closer, running his palms down your arms and legs to make sure you weren’t cold and brushing your still damp hair away from your face.

“I love you, so, so much. Please believe me. Please love me.”

His heart squeezed in his chest when you smiled subconsciously, holding onto him tightly.

***

“Why did you want to become a lawyer in the first place?” San asked curiously one morning while you reviewed for your Criminal Law class. In the time he had known you, you didn’t seem particularly passionate about defending people and their rights as you were about being paid to argue with people, so it made sense that he was curious.

He watched you work your ass off in your classes, always to pass with flying colours but you never seemed to take pride in it. San wouldn’t have thought differently of you if you said that you were only doing this because you just found it interesting or were in it for the money. Not every career needed to have some deep and philosophical meaning in life.

“To find a way I could get emancipated while keeping my inheritance.” You replied nonchalantly, shoving cereal into your mouth.

Before he could help it, San burst into laughter and you didn’t even pay any mind, though a small smile did spread on your face at the sound. You continued to eat your breakfast, going over the notes you had taken last class.

“That’s a funny joke.”

You paused, raising your head from your notebook to watch him with a perplexed frown.

“Joke?”

***

“So where are we headed again?”

San had been particularly excited about this date, finally excited to have a picnic with you as though the two of you didn’t usually talk and eat together anyway but you indulged him because he looked so adorable. Though it was frustrating that he refused to give any details about where you were going, no doubt it was just going to be some sort of forest or valley, but you promised yourself to act surprised and touched when he revealed it to you.

He even borrowed your car, refusing to even give you the address of where you were going. The picnic basket on your lap was filled to the brim with sandwiches, snacks, and drinks. He had definitely gone all out for this, and it was nice to see him so enthusiastic about a date, considering you spent most of your time together.

Now it had been almost an hour and a half since you began driving and you were starting to get a little restless, luckily you had been smart enough to force him to fill up the gas tank just as you both were leaving the city and now you were driving along the countryside road for nearly an hour. He drove past all the little towns and suburban complexes before the small houses and buildings started turning into forest tress.

“It’s a secret. Stop asking.”

“I’m going to die of curiosity or hunger at this rate.” You complained, fishing out a bag of chips and even though San scolded you for touching the food before you got there, he still asked you to feed him a couple of them.

As the road wound down, even though you both were far out the city, the number of cars on the road started to increase and then you were lined up behind a national park. You were confused because of the numerous cars that were honking and trying to overtake each other. Some even parked off the road right there and preferred to walk the rest of the way.

You noticed small families and couples walk closer to where all the cars were heading and curiously tried to peer over them even though you couldn’t see anything.

San chuckled at you, “You know you look like a meercat when you do that.”

“Wouldn’t have to if you just told me what this is.” You retorted, going as far as to unbuckle your seatbelt to see what all the commotion was for.

“Just have a little patience.”

The line took nearly a half hour to clear, and you were beyond irritated by that stupid red sedan behind you that honked and tried to get you to move when you clearly had to place to. San let you flip the driver off in the rear-view mirror only because he refused to let you out of the car and do it to his face.

But finally, you made it to the parking lot that was right beside wherever San was so giddy to take you. In the middle of a clearing there stood a tall red and white tent that looked like it could store about a hundred cars inside and you thought it looked vaguely familiar. It wasn’t until you saw the sign that was pointing to it did you realize where San had taken you.

The travelling circus that you had visited with your mom when you were only a child. You still remember mentioning it to San one night when he asked you about it. You told him that it was the last outing that you had with her before the court hearing where she lost custody and visitation. Your father had no doubt paid off everyone he possibly could to win the trial and after that you had never seen your mother again.

You only found out that she had passed a couple years after she died and even though it wasn’t your fault, the guilt of her dying all alone from grief that her child was ripped away from her stayed with you.

You remember San comforting you that night when you confessed that you barely could remember what she looked like.

San certainly didn’t complain when you tackled him into a hug, even though it was difficult to balance the picnic blanket and basket in his hands while you hung off his neck like a koala. You heard the chuckles of passer-by’s that looked at the two of you fondly and said something about young love, but you hardly paid them any mind, instead peppering kisses onto San’s face.

“I can’t believe you did this for me, I didn’t even think you remembered.”

“I’m glad you like it.” He chuckled, “Even though you nearly bit my head off this entire trip.”

“I love you.” You confessed earnestly, cupping his cheeks. San’s smile faltered for just a second before he was outright grinning, but it looked a little forced. You didn’t ask him about it, not wanting to ruin the mood since he had been so dedicated to make good memories today.

“I love you too.” And suddenly the moment was much more intimate than you were expecting it to be with San staring at you like you had strung all the stars in the sky. His voice was raw too, depicting just how honest he was being with you.

***

The ride back home was more peaceful this time because you were too tired out from the day you had. You weren’t to the point of falling asleep in the passenger seat, but the music choices changed to your ballad playlist and your conversation died out long before you entered the city again.

Now, you were just staring at the sparkly city lights that glittered against the window. San’s fingers drummed against the wheel, and you lazily watched as the signs passed before you realized that he missed the exit to go to your neighbourhood.

“Oh, you missed the exit.” You mumbled, poking at the glass pane like there was something to see.

“I thought we’d go back to my place tonight.” He replied and you let out an audible whine. You were tired and you really couldn’t process anything other than wanting to get into your comfortable bed.

“But mine’s closer.” You complained, wiggling your shoulders and San tried to hide a smile at your behaviour. ‘Tired and grumpy’ you was one of his favourite versions of you. He reached across the console to grab your hand and even though the simple touch of his skin was making you feel a little overstimulated after the day you had, you still let him hold onto it.

“I was hoping to make a special breakfast for you tomorrow. I already bought all the ingredients.”

The argument he made was very convincing and you sent him a sleepy smile in gratitude, “You didn’t have to do so much for me.”

Your words were beginning to slur from just how tired you were and when San watched you from the corner of his eye, he noticed how your blinks were taking twice as long. Smiling gently, he squeezed your hand and with fleeting glances he watched you fall asleep, holding his hand in yours.

The smile on his face fell just a little bit, “Believe me. I did.”

***

Many people liked starting their day with a glass of orange juice or coffee or water. Some swore that waking up and journaling was the best thing that ever happened to them. Many didn’t even bother with a morning routine, scrolling through their phones until they found any motivation to get up or they realized that they were incredibly late.

For you, waking up next to San was the best way to begin your day. That was one thing you realized when you were rudely awoken by the incessant buzzing of your phone on the nightstand. You both were still wearing the same clothes from last night, too tired to change into something else. San had taken off his shirt though, since he was too hot; temperature-wise but you definitely weren’t denying he was hot.

After your phone buzzed for like the fourth time that morning, you grabbed it from the nightstand so you could answer quickly before heading back to bed. When you tried to get out from underneath he covers, San was holding onto your waist, tugging you back into his arms.

“Where are you goinggg.” He whined groggily, voice deep with sleep and you giggled before kissing his jaw.

“Shhh, go back to sleep. I’ll only be a minute. I need to take a phone call.” You whispered and even though he whined and whimpered, he let you out of his grip, grabbing Shiber instead to replace you as his cuddle buddy.

You only answered the phone when you heard his bedroom door click shut behind you, “Hello?”

Sometimes you wondered what would have turned out from your life if you never answered that phone call from the housekeeper. You would have found out what happened either way but a part of you regretted picking up the call. There wasn’t any chance and it sounded absolutely ridiculous but maybe if you never answered and then never went home, you never would have realized.

The call was incredibly one-sided. You didn’t even speak a word, instead listening to the other side of the line as the blood drained out of your face and your hands began shaking.

San came out of the bedroom, looking incredibly sleepy and with an apparent pout on his face, “Did you pick up the call?”

“San—” You choked out, finally finding your voice but it was forced and strained. You felt like throwing up and crying all at once and even though you tried hard to keep your cool, you could feel tears brimming your eyes, “That was the housekeeper. She said my father’s office was broken into last night by a mafia gang named Ateez.”

The guilty look on his face was enough of an answer to your silent question. The tattoo of the word Ateez on his bicep mocked you and your stomach turned. You could barely stand straight, having to grip the counter to keep your knees from buckling and sending you tumbling to the ground.

“(Y/N) please listen—” He began but you couldn’t hear him, your ears were rushing with blood and the pounding of your heart reached your throat. It felt like someone was strangling you to death, a phantom grip around your throat making it harder to breathe.

You rushed to the kitchen, throwing open the fridge and his cabinets. Only a couple cans of beer and bottles of water were there, and the sight alone made you feel even worse. Your hands shook like a bartender’s glass, and you wanted to collapse right then and there, “‘Special breakfast’,my ass.”

“That time in my father’s office—” To get the codes to enter. “The date last night—” To make sure nobody would be in the house at night.

“Is that why—?” The question died on your tongue, but it felt like you both had heard it, ‘Is that why this all started?’

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry. Please believe me, I love you—”

A loud laugh cut him off, but it sounded more like a strangled scoff as tears began falling on your cheeks, “Love?! You call this love?! You screwed me over to get to my father! You fucked me and told me you loved me, and I believed you!”

You were frantically pushing back your hair with shaking hands, sobbing as something horrible and dark filled you up. Every inch of skin burned with the memory of San touching you with his tainted hands, every memory was taunting you with the sting of betrayal and you sobbed out, “Oh my god, I believed you.”

“I know I did something horrible; I know you hate me for this but please believe me, I never meant for it to turn out this way—” San’s voice was thick with tears, and he tried to approach you, but you backed away from him. It felt like if he touched you, you were going to burst into flames. Not the kind of heat that made you feel excited to be with him, in this moment you couldn’t remember what that felt like but now it felt like you were getting burned, and it hurt.

“You—You let me give you everything I had,” Your voice was cracking, and your throat was hurting from the strength you were using to keep the tears at bay even though they were rolling down your face in hot streams, “I gave you my love, my trust, my everything. And you were using me all this time—Don’t touch me!”

Everything was falling around you, crumbling to the ground. The world that you thought you had with San now crumbled to dust as hot blood rained down on you. Everything you thought you knew disappeared in a second and you had never felt so violated, so alone and scared before. You felt like you had just been punched in the gut by an iron fist.

“(Y/N), I’m sorry.” He cried and you almost believed him. You looked into his red and teary eyes and for a second you almost believed him. The housekeeper was lying, the security had it wrong, San was right. He was your safe space, your loving boyfriend that would never do anything to hurt you. For a second you almost believed him.

And then the second passed.

“I hate you.” You spat, with an anger that burned hotter than your skin, “And I hate myself even more for trusting you.”

When San heard the door slam shut, all the sobs he had been holding in finally left him and he was forced to his knees in the living room, wailing loudly and crying while he clutched his heart that felt like it was being ripped right out of his chest.

***

San’s eyes stilled burned from the amount of crying he did before getting on the plane and he was sure they were rimmed with red with bags underneath that felt like they were carrying hell. Probably were, considering he belonged in hell because of the things he did to you.

At first it was just a job, the target being a horrible old man that owed something long overdue to Ateez. And how to get to him? By gaining the trust of his daughter.

He was fine with it in the beginning, having done this multiple times. It was always spoilt, prissy rich girls who stepped on the people below them and tried to pull down the people above them. It was always the same. It wouldn’t take long for them to fall for his looks and try to get him to have sex with them.

You were different. Curiously intelligent and hardworking even though you could get everything handed to you on a silver platter. He found it intriguing that you chose to go law school instead of relying on daddy’s money till you got married to another person that would give you money. But you worked hard to get where you were and continued to work hard to get further than anyone else.

He thought you’d be pretentious, but you were totally genuine.

He thought you’d be conceited but instead you were humble.

He thought you’d be someone he’d grow to hate, but you turned out to be someone he loved beyond words.

Just thinking about it made him feel like crying all over again.

“Excuse me,” Came a soft voice, gently pinching at his hoodie and San looked up to see a girl with messy braids, looking distraught, “You’re in my seat. I’m in seat 16.”

San didn’t even bother to check if she was right before he snarled at her, “Find another seat.”

Neither of them was expecting her to begin crying and her voice was tight when she tried to argue with him, “Look, I’m already having a bad day so can you please—”

“I’ll switch with you sweetheart.” Came from the old man sitting beside him and he too kindly took his bag before leaving to find another seat. Sniffling, she slid into the seat beside San and placed her bag on her lap.

“Sorry, for crying,” She whispered to him, “I’m just having one of those days.”

San frowned. In the span of 72 hours, he managed to make two women cry and even though he didn’t give a shit about the girl sitting beside him, it made him feel sick thinking about your heartbroken face and how it looked like you could pass out any second. He wondered if you made it home alright.

Perhaps it was a little cowardly for him to run away but he honestly thought that he was doing what you would have wanted from him; never to see him ever again. Even though it broke his heart to know that he’ll never get to say a proper goodbye to you, he left anyway. He deserved to have his heart broken anyway.

Sighing, he pulled a flask out of his jacket that he was planning on drinking when the images of your face didn’t leave him and unscrewed the top of it, “Well, 16, that makes two of us.”

***

4 years later

“I knew that you were being too nice today. ‘Let’s go for a drive, I’ll buy you food’ my ass.” You sighed out, rubbing your temples as you tried to spot a place for your friend to drop you off. She had been badgering you on and on for days, trying to get you to take a case pro-bono. You obviously said hell no; what was the point of this career if you weren��t getting paid?

Tae Eul was adamant, however, and now she managed to get you into the one place you wouldn’t be able to get out of without hearing her side of the argument.

“Please just consider it. I wanted to file a police report for attempted abduction and assault, but the victim wouldn’t let me.” Tae Eul was a detective and apparently didn’t know how to separate work from her personal life. You only rolled your eyes and looked out the window, unable to play on your phone since she had been smart enough to take it away from you.

“You know you have too much of a bleeding heart, right? I work in law, everyone comes in with some sort of sob story about why I should defend them, doesn’t mean they’re all right. The worst of these assholes are the ones who believe their own bullshit. You say she’s totally innocent, but I bet she’s some sort of gangster, why else would she have people on her ass?”

Your friend sighed beside you. While Tae Eul was a sworn protector of the people and straight as an arrow when it came to her principles, you on the other hand had seen just how low people could stoop while trying to keep their money, status, or freedom.

She protected people from evil monsters who tried to harm others; you had monsters begging you to make them into angels in the eyes of the people.

“She didn’t want to take this to court, she’s scared that getting the authority’s attention to this could either take the kid away from her or forcefully give the kid back to her asshole father.” Tae Eul explained and though you were trying to ignore her, this was starting to pique your interest.

“You don’t have to take her case, just hear her out and then make the judgment yourself.”

Sighing, you nodded your head, realizing you had nothing to lose by just listening to whatever this client had to tell you. And if you decided not to defend her in court then at least you could tell Tae Eul that you gave it a shot.

“Great because we’re on our way to meet them right now!”

“This bitch.”

“In all fairness, it took way longer than expected to convince you. I underestimated your selfishness.” Tae Eul liked to nag you about your selfish nature, but you certainly didn’t hear her complaining the day you got your first paycheck and made it rain in the living room while you both danced and got drunk. No, you believe her words were ‘Damn if this is what strippers feel like every night, I’m quitting tomorrow!’

“If I was all for selfless acts then I would’ve become a prosecutor.” You sighed, trying to rub away the migraine that was forming in your head, “I can’t believe you’re making me work during my one-hour break.”

“I’ll really owe you for this, (Y/N).”

You scoffed, “Trust me, you’ll pay me back for this. Not with your tax funded salary however, I don’t need chump change.”

“You’re gonna make me cry.”

***

The case did in fact catch your interest. Whether it was because of the way the girl was sincerely asking you if a case for full custody was the right way to go about this. Yoonah, who you found out was the child in question’s maternal aunt became the sole caregiver after her sister dropped her off at her place one night and then disappeared.

Now the person who claimed he was the biological father is trying to get her back, even going as far as attempted kidnapping and assaulting her aunt.

The reason she didn’t want to bring this to court was because she was afraid the court ruling would be in favour of the child’s father, and she couldn’t fail her sisters last request of her.

The interesting part of this was that her father was a known gang member. Well, it wasn’t “known” as in legally, but everyone practically knew that he was bad news. How Yoonah’s sister ended up having a baby with him was beyond you, but you knew better than anyone how these mafia members could manipulate people into trusting them.

Now, it was just her luck that she happened to stumble across Tae Eul who just so happened to be friends with the best lawyer in town; you. As much as it hurt you that your bank account wouldn’t be gaining any extra zeroes from a case against a huge mafia member, you felt bad to turn her away. It’s not like anyone else would take her case and she wouldn’t go ahead and give her information to a lawyer she couldn’t trust.

The first meeting you had with Yoonah was extremely informal and not just because it took place in the back of a fried chicken restaurant; you didn’t bring any official documents or go over what documents you’d need from her. So, you both exchanged contacts and for the second meeting, you were better prepared to go forward with a custody lawsuit.

She sent you the address she was staying at for the time being, since she was afraid of someone breaking into her apartment while trying to get to her niece, she had moved in with a friend of hers named Yeosang and you were meeting her today at his place.

Just as you pulled into the heavily guarded compound, you looked at the giant gated estate and the giant mansion with multiple wings that stood in the middle of it. The sour thought of not getting paid flashed through your head as you stared at the giant house in front of you.

Despite that, you simply sighed and grabbed your things before walking to the front door and knocked on the door.

When it swung open, the man behind it stared at you with wide eyes, surprised you were standing there, “You?”

“I’m Han Yoonah’s attorney. Did she mention I’d be stopping by?” You asked, wondering if you had gotten the date right. Of course, you did, it had taken a lot of time to free up a day in your busy schedule considering you had other trials and clients and you had given up going to get your hair and nails done as well as did overtime the last few days to make time for this today.

“You’re her attorney?”

“Yes? Have we met before?”

“No, no, you just look like my friend’s ex-girlfriend.” That really should have been your first hint, but you just thought he was weird and followed him through the house until you both reached a wide dining room.

Yoonah was sitting at the table with her niece beside her but when she noticed you walk through the doors her face lit up and she was ushering the child to go so you both could have a discussion without any questions about which was your favourite Winx Club fairy. You had no idea what Winx Club even was but told her that you both liked the same fairy, she squealed in excitement and even gave you some French fries as a reward.

You went home that night and read up about it just so you didn’t feel like you exploited a 4-year-old for French fries.

Just as you were pulling out your computer and a couple contracts from your handbag, the man that opened the door came striding in the room.

“Listen, thanks for coming down here today but I’m afraid we won’t be in need of your services.”

You raised a brow, ignoring how much of that statement made you sound like a prostitute. Yoonah looked surprised but you were more curious than offended, “That’s your decision, but may I ask why?”

“Uh, I’m not exactly sure how to—”

“(Y/N)?”

You know the phrase ‘speak of the devil and they appear’? Well, nobody had called his ass so what the hell was S(at)an doing here?

“Well, this certainly makes things more interesting.”

Yoonah looked between the both of you with an apprehensive look, “Do you two know each other?”

“Not really.” You answered, the same time as San said “Yes.”. There was a beat of silence where San’s expression fell, and you took the moment to look him up and down. Not much had changed about him, he looked pretty much the same other than his hair that was now dyed black with a layer of grey.

You had to admit that seeing him again, in person, was weird. The day you left San’s apartment, you cried all the tears you could produce on the car ride back but once you pulled up to your house, it was like all hell broke loose. You had shit to do and couldn’t waste it lying in bed and crying about some shitty ex-boyfriend. You were filled with absolute rage.

Your father had gone on the run, not having enough time to even transfer a lot of money to himself so the first thing you did was close all his accounts after having transferred his money to yourself. Any future incoming money from sources other than his company would be donated.

Then you sold the house for a good price and bought yourself an apartment near the university so that you’d never have to take the train again. You bought all new things, of course, especially new sheets and a new bed. And everything of San’s was doused in soju and thrown in the fireplace. You kept a few of your fathers’ cars for yourself but sold the rest. You even found the staff at your home other jobs and regularly visited them.

For a few weeks, that kept you busy. And then suddenly everything hit you like a truck. You barely remember that week, being too drunk out of your mind to leave the apartment. The week after that was better when you got sick of drinking. Then you got sick of staying at home. Then you got sick of being depressed. Then you got sick of keeping to yourself and living like a social pariah.

And then suddenly you were back to where you were before you met San.

For a couple years, it felt like he was just an illusion, a fever dream. You didn’t have nightmares about him, you didn’t get waves of sadness when he suddenly flashed through your head, you barely even thought of him. Looking back, you realized it was because there was no one named San existing in your head anymore.

No, he was a guy that tricked you and made you feel like shit, but it was very easy to forget once you stopped feeling like shit. Afterall, why would anyone stop in their day and wonder why they felt bad once upon a time. Not you. No, you worked your ass off to make sure that you never felt like shit again and that even on your worse days, you were better than everybody else could dream to be.

Now your wall was decorated with your accomplishments. Your diploma from when you graduated with straight A’s. The letter you got from your law firm when you began your fourth year asking you to join them when you graduated. And of course, right beside it was your bank statement, the thing that made you the happiest person that could ever exist.

Seeing San in person now didn’t hit you with a whip of reality, making you realize whatever he had done to you was all real. Luckily for the both of you he didn’t look exactly the same as the day you left, his face was sharper and his hair darker and that was enough for you to treat him like another person.

“Yes, we’re Ateez and Yoonah here is our associate so you can see why we wouldn’t exactly want you representing her.” Even though Yeosang explained it kindly, you couldn’t help the way your expression soured. Did they actually think you were going to do something to sabotage the trial to get back at them?

“How pathetic do you think I am?”

“This really isn’t about you, more like protecting our own interests.”

Agree with him and you don’t offer your time and practice for no money. On the other hand, it’ll make it seem as though you’re pathetic enough to let your personal feelings get in the way of your profession. What’s more important to you; money or pride?

Money feels like the no brainer, you didn’t have to waste your time or skills on something you weren’t getting paid for and against some huge mafia boss that would definitely remember your face. On the other hand, the thought of you going home without a fight and then Ateez laughing about how after four years you’re still affected by them made your blood boil with fury.

Pride was definitely more important. Especially since you already had money.

“While I’d be all to happy to leave and find a paying client, I’m trying to look out for your best interests Yoonah-ssi. I’ve done a background check on the person you’re suing and there isn’t a lawyer out there in his right mind that would take your case pro-bono.” You explained calmly and watched her expression fall. Though it did make you feel slightly empathetic, you were trying very hard not to let your emotions get roped up into this.

Yoonah was a woman of strong morals, if Ateez tried to help her from their side, no doubt it would involve some very illegal procedures and she wanted no part of that. Good for her, better for you.

Yeosang stood beside her protectively and shot you a foul glare, “You think you’re the only clean lawyer out there?”

You smirked, “Let me rephrase. I’m the only lawyer who’d take this case pro-bono. And win.”

“And why do you want this so badly?”

You shrugged nonchalantly, “Call me sentimental but I think a child custody case against some mafia asshole would be like killing two life traumas with one stone.”

***

It had been about 2 months since going forward with the lawsuit for child custody, the defendant responded, and a court date was set. Thankfully for the time being the attempted abductions and such were stopped because they knew it could be used as evidence against them. Well, Yoonah considered it thankful; you on the other hand thought it was unfortunate.

Now it was finally the day of the first hearing and usually it would have been done in a private court but since the defendants are countersuing for child abduction. Usually when it came to trials, you got a huge urge to win rather than beat others however when you received the paperwork for the countersue, instead of getting worried and worked up, you felt the inexplicable desire to crush the competition underneath your heel.

Now on the date of the court hearing, you were storming through the halls with burning resolve and Ateez trailing behind you.

Even though you wished to ignore him, the defendants lawyer stopped you in the middle of the corridor with a condescending smile. Mr. Jang was an old fart that owned a huge law firm in the country and had personally head hunted you. He was top dog at his own law firm, and you had to admit, very impressive when it came to his performance in court; it was the only reason you had even considered the job.

However, after a dinner where he tried to put his hand up your skirt you had promptly told him to fuck off before leaving.

Since then, you had beaten every lawyer he had sent your way and now it seems he was summoned from hell itself to look the devil in the eye. You.

“Ms. (L/N), lovely to see you again. Good luck during the trial.” He said, holding out his hand kindly but you knew underneath those honeyed words and amiable eyes was just bitter hatred for you.

You glanced at his hand with disgust, ignoring the handshake and instead gave him a winning smile, “To you as well, Mr. Jang. Don’t worry, I’ll buy you a celebratory drink when I win.”

He chuckled, “I think you’re overestimating yourself, my dear. No matter, maybe you’ll learn your place when you lose.”

“We’ll just see about that won’t we. See you in court, bitch.” You smirked, confidence flashing in your eyes and when he scowled and opened his mouth to reply, you took it as your cue to walk into the courtroom and set up at the plaintiff’s table.

***

The trial started off well, with you pleading Yoonah’s case and appealing to the judges’ sense of humanity. It was surprising how quickly they got on board as soon as you started mouthing off some sentimental rubbish about found family and things like that. Since the evidence was more or less superficial, you’d have to appeal to sentiment and some well-educated assumptions.

You had taken notes about the defendant’s defence, noting down what points they were trying to use to appeal to the judges. So far it seemed like they were just trying to say that since the mother left no will, the daughter legally should be under her biological father’s care. He had a few small encounters with the law (small meaning that the big things were hidden) but has been clean for the last few years (because he has minions that can do his dirty work now) and is turning his life around.

Then came the counter questioning and you stood up immediately.

“And to the defendant, how do you expect to care for a child when you have no previous experience of any kind?” You asked and noticed how Mr. Jang began smirking. Yes, your first question was weak, you realized that, but it was all intentional.

“I suppose just like anyone else. Not everybody has experience from beforehand, but you learn these things and I don’t think it’s a reason for me to lose my daughter.” He appealed and you could see Yoonah deflate from the corner of your eye. Your heart panged a bit, you knew how stressed she was about this, but you weren’t going to let her down.

“And you know that a child isn’t just a sentimental object, right? Taking care of a child is an investment; you must spend millions in their life in school funds, health insurance and God forbid if something unfortunate happens, you need to be able to provide funds for her. Do you have the income for that?”

“Of course, I do.” He answered haughtily and you took some refuge knowing he thought you were an idiot, “I make well over 8 figures a year. I can take care of my daughter even better than she can.”

And there it was.

You smiled brightly, walking over to your table to pull the files you had stacked there, “Well, a large income, remarkable assets and his case pleads well. Why shouldn’t the child be placed under his care? —”

In the stands, San and Yeosang were watching nervously as you suddenly began singing the defendant’s praises. Yeosang growled underneath his breath, “I knew we never should have trusted her.”

San glanced back at you with his heart sinking in his chest. He knew that he was the absolute worst and you deserved to get revenge on him but were you really going to make someone innocent suffer for whatever he did to you? The thought of Yoonah losing her niece because of him made him sick to his stomach.

“—Probably because he’s guilty of tax evasion for the last 10 years.” You spat, voice icy and cold as you walked to the judge’s bench to hand over the documents.

“It’s stated in your tax records that you make less that 5k each year.” You began, smirking the look of anxiousness on their face, “You are aware that lying under oath is an offense? Punishable with up to 5 years in prison or a hefty fine? ‘Well over 8 figures’, you say. Well, that would mean in the last 10 years, you owe the government nearly 50 million.”

It was a lose-lose situation, orchestrated by the greatness that was yourself. Admit that he makes a lot of money and he’s guilty of tax evasion and lying on an official document, costing him nearly 4 years of income. Say that his tax documents are correct means he’s guilty of perjury* and proven unfit to take care of a child.

“So, which is it, defendant? Are you guilty of perjury or tax evasion?” You drawled, walking over to his table, and slamming your hands on the table. The gleam in your eye was frankly terrifying to Mr. Jang and you revelled in the sight of his stressed expression, “Which is it?”

“Objection your honour: badgering!”

“Then you better answer quickly, defendant.” The judge replied calmly, and you smirked when he finally admitted that he lied, not wanting to pay the overdue tax fees and get a punishment on top of that. Lying under oath is an offense punishable by time in prison, or a huge fine with probation. Meaning their countersue would most likely fall apart and now the trial was falling in your favour.

The only thing that could make this better would be if you actually got to step on the competition with your red bottoms but that would be “disorderly conduct”.

“So, your honour. The defendant has admitted to perjury and is that really the kind of person you would wish to raise the youth of our country? The kind that would think it was acceptable to lie in a court, the establishment that protects the rights of the citizens, simply to get their way. If we let him do that, we are laughing in the face of our legal system. And on top of that, he has no money to support her. 5k per year can barely pay a yearly school fee, never mind essentials, utilities, housing, and food.”

San chuckled underneath his breath when you turned your back to the judge and had the audacity to wink at Mr. Jang with the most infuriating smirk on your face and turned back to Yeosang, who had a look of slight awe on his face, “Couldn’t trust her, huh?”

“The judge rules in favour of the plaintiff. The child in question will remain in plaintiff’s care. Court dismissed.”

“NO!” The defendant leapt across the table to try and tackle you, his arms out as though he was trying to choke you, and everyone jumped into action. San jumped over the stands to intercept him, and they fell to the ground before the officers came to restrain him.

“Your honour, the defendant is obviously a little unstable. Do you think we could get a court ordered restraining order?”

“Of course.” The judge chuckled at your calm behaviour and how you hadn’t even flinched when you were the one that he was trying to choke out. It was almost like you knew it was going to happen.

That’s because you did.

A couple weeks ago, you were having a private meeting with the members of Ateez when Yoonah had to go and put down her niece and you got a few moments alone with them. Yoonah was so ethical, she would never agree to what you were going to suggest so you simply waited until she wasn’t there to hear you.

“Listen, when I win—” You ignored the way Yeosang scoffed at your confidence and pressed, “When I win, we’re going to need a clear-cut victory. A reason even an appeal would fall through so I need you to do something.”

You pulled out a medical report, “Unsurprisingly, this guy takes antidepressants for either anxiety or anger management. It gets prescribed to him from this hospital. I need you to go in and switch it out for some sugar pills or painkillers. So, at the time of the trial, he’s facing a withdrawal and would end up losing it.”

“Isn’t that illegal?” Yunho accused and you turned to him with a fake smile.

“I’m sorry, is that a gun in your pants or are you just excited to see me?”

Embarrassed, Yunho cleared his throat, “Point taken.”

***

While you weren’t exactly thrilled about spending more time with Ateez, when Yoonah and her niece used their combined pleading eyes you couldn’t reject their invitation for dinner and some celebratory drinks. Considering their identical puppy faces, you were surprised they weren’t twins.

And their powers were the reason you were currently sipping on a Sazerac while watching Wooyoung and Jongho’s girlfriend, Sooji dance and party. The others had made the intelligent decision to decline. Yeosang was keeping sober to take care of Yoonah’s niece while the aunt in question got black out drunk. It looked like she hadn’t let loose in a very long time, and you were kind of surprised to know that when she was drunk, she acted like a child. Ironic.

Yoonah had been giggling the entire night, whispering in Yeosang’s ear about childish things while he was just nodding and replying occasionally when he was asked a question. Halfway through your drink, she suddenly decided to start playing hide and seek, scurrying away from the dining room to hide. Obviously, no one followed her but to just keep her occupied for a while, Yeosang began counting and you chuckled.

You finished the drink and called yourself an Uber, telling them that you’d see them around when in reality you had no intention of ever meeting with them again. So far you had treated them humanely but in all honestly you were still kind of upset at them. Yes, your father was a horrible person and deserved everything that came to him, but using you to get to him was low, especially considering that you thought everything was genuine.

Yoonah came stumbling back into the room and ran right into Yeosang’s arms (who looked kind of flustered, but you didn’t say it out loud) and even though you wanted to say goodbye, you were pretty sure she wouldn’t even remember it the next morning. So, instead you just made your way to the table where you left your bag.

Except it wasn’t there.

“Where’s my bag?”

Yoonah began giggling, “I toooold you we were playing hide and hide and hide and go seek. The bag is hidididng.”

Oh my goodness this girl was drunk out of her mind.

“I’ll help you look.” Yeosang offered but you shook your head, pitying him because of the woman hanging off his arm and complaining that she was sleepy.

“It’s okay, I’ll look. You just put her to bed.”

The halls were wide and never-ending it seemed; you felt like you were walking through a maze but every room you peeked through neither had your bag, nor had it looked like a drunk girl had wandered through it. You noticed a door with light peeking underneath it and knocked lightly when you heard someone shuffling behind it.

“What—(Y/N).”

So far, San had been keeping his distance from you, something you weren’t sure you were grateful for or extremely irritated by. But now it seemed like you had come knocking at his door and even though you wished you were, you certainly weren’t disappointed by the sight of San, answering his door without a shirt.

“Did Yoonah come and stash my bag here?”

Out of context, yes that sounded weird, but San only shook his head and you nodded, almost turning away from him before your eyes caught onto something on his body.

“What the hell is that?!” You screeched, pointing at his chest and for a second San really had no idea what you were talking about until he looked and checked for himself. He froze for a second and then backed away, grabbing the door to shut it in your face but you held it open and forced yourself into the room to stare at it with wide eyes.

On his chest were the letters of your name scrawled so prettily like a label of possession.

“You tattooed my name on yourself? What the hell were you thinking?!” Was this romantic or just incredibly creepy? This guy who had no idea you were going to meet again had tattooed your name on his skin, for what?

“I was just—I just—” San looked like a deer caught in headlights, staring at you with wide eyes while your gaze prodded and poked at him like needles. If he was being honest, he thought you’d never find out, “I just wanted you close to me. This was the best I could do.”

“I don’t get it, you fake-date me to try and screw over my father and then after you get what you wanted and leave, you get my name tattooed on your chest? Don’t tell me you actually had feelings for me.” You replied, incredulously.

“I do have feelings for you, (Y/N).” Do, not did.

“Look, I know what I did was wrong, and I really do regret it. Even though I didn’t intend it, I ended up falling in love with you. And I still do.”

“That doesn’t change anything.” You spat, suddenly defensive, “You lied to me about everything.”

“I never lied.” He said suddenly but with a firm voice and your brows went toward your hairline, “Excuse me?”

“Yes, I concealed the truth and yes, I may have lied about why I joined law school, but I never lied to you. I couldn’t bear the sight of you actually believing me while I deceived you, so aside from that special breakfast thing that last night, I never lied to you.”

You couldn’t help the scoff that left you, “Well congratulations, you’re now the winner of the ‘not-as-big-a-jerk-as-you-could-have-been’ award!”

“I deserve that.” He chuckled, and his hand went towards his waist where he expected to find the hem of his shirt before he realized that he still wasn’t wearing one. You kind of despised yourself for remembering his nervous tendencies. Embarrassed, (though you weren’t sure why, you had seen it all before) San went to grab a shirt and you let your eyes wander around the room until they landed on the familiar plushie on the bed.

“You still have that?”

San poked his head out of his closet, following your eyes to Shiber sitting innocently on his bed and he blushed, “Yeah, it was a gift from you.”

Shiber wasn’t exactly looking his best, a little tattered and way dirtier since you had last seen him, from the countless nights San held him and cried and then he faced absolute chaos the night Yunho tried to burn him as a satanic cleansing ritual. But it oddly touched you that he kept it. It was easy to lie but the tattoo on his chest and the plushie that you had almost forgotten about were now starting to convince you that not all of it was lies.

Walking over to his bed, you plopped yourself down onto the comfy mattress and pulled the stuffed toy into your lap and gently playing with the loose threads, careful not to pull the stitches apart. After a few seconds, you finally spoke up softly, “What are you trying to do?”

San sighed, “To apologize? To confess? I’m trying but I don’t know what I could possibly say to turn this around.”

He padded over to sit beside you and you both remained with your shoulders pressed together, staring at nothing in front of you.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N),” He whispered, “For everything. But please know that what we had was never a lie. I loved you then and I still do now. Do you think that we could ever go back to where we used to be?’

“I don’t think I can ever trust you again.” You admitted and San’s heart jumped in his chest when you stood up to leave. He couldn’t let you slip through his fingers again, not so easily. He was on his feet in a split second, wrapping a hand around your wrist lightly. His grip wasn’t enough to hold you there and if you really wanted to leave, all you had to do was pull your hand away and he’d let you go. It shouldn’t have held so much meaning, but it did. The fact that if you genuinely wanted to leave, he’d let you.

“You said it yourself, (Y/N). Trust is earned, not given. And I will spend my entire life trying to earn it back from you. But please, please just tell me that you can still love me again someday. If you tell me truthfully that you can never love me again, I’ll never come in front of you again but if you think that there’s some tiny part of you that can still feel for me again, please give it a chance.” He begged.

You raised your eyes to meet his, alarmed by how teary they were and how tight your voice was, “I don’t want to be that stupid girl that fell for your façade again, San.”

“You aren’t stupid, (Y/N). I was the stupid one for letting something so good slip through my hands. I was the stupid one for abusing your trust. I was the stupid one for hurting you.” San’s voice was just as strained as yours and his eyes were shining with unshed tears, “And if you accept me then I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you that this wasn’t a stupid choice.”

“I—I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to tell me now. It’s okay, I’m sorry for overwhelming you. Just think about it and if you do have an answer, then call or text me, my number is still the same.” This was exactly what you fell for the first time. The consideration, the concern, the habit of putting your worries and thoughts first. It was what made you love him in the first place, and you were so scared that it had all been an act. And you were scared that it was still an act.

“I’ll think about it.” You promised and then it was like the conversation never happened. You both went your separate ways and to everyone you seemed no different, except now the old wounds in your heart that you had clumsily sewn together had been ripped open and were now begging you to accept the bitter medicine of learning to trust again so they can heal or go on pretending like nothing happened until you bled out.

***

It had been weeks since San had last heard from you and at this point, he was convinced that you wanted nothing to do with him. Though it hurt twice as much after letting his hopes get up, he also couldn’t blame you. He broke your trust and no matter how much he repented and how much he loved you, sometimes people just couldn’t go back to how they were.

He just wished that you could be happy. Even if you were happy without him.

San erased the thought from his head when the train pulled up to the station, getting in and finding an empty row to sit in. He had cars and other means of transport but when it came to personal days where he just had a couple errands or had to get any place by himself, he always took the train.

He told Ateez it was just more convenient but they all knew it was so he could reminisce. Afterall, the train is where he had met you in the first place, even though it wasn’t the same exact train. It was where you spent your mornings together, talking energetically as you went to university, and it was where you fell asleep on his shoulder on the rides back when you were both too tired to speak.

Sometimes when San would take the train somewhere, he’d make it through the whole trip without thinking of you and other times something would trigger a memory he didn’t know he had, and he’d be treasuring another memory of you.

Today he wasn’t remembering anything, and he was trying hard not to think about you, it was obvious that you just wanted a life without him and even though he thought he deserved the opposite, he was going to try to get over you.

The sight of buildings slowly blurred as the train picked up in speed before stopping again at another station. San continued to stare out of the window, not paying attention as people entered the train car and shuffled around. He didn’t even flinch when someone sat beside him until they cleared their throat.

He barely spared a glance before his eyes widened and he froze in his seat. You were sat beside him, in a comfortable hoodie and jeans, smiling softly at him. It took weeks of thinking for you to consider giving him a chance, but even though it was wrong and if you had been a third party, you’d be chastising the girl for going back to him, you felt like you’d regret it if you didn’t.

Maybe that was foolish of you, trusting his words again but you wanted to take this chance. You wouldn’t give him your heart that easily this time. No, it would take nearly a year of San proving his loyalty to you time and time again before you decided to wholeheartedly trust him. The scars from the past were still there, the wounds didn’t heal seamlessly and some days they were more apparent to you than others, but you’d still bear your heart to him after a while.

But before the long journey came of building your relationship back to what it used to be and better, you decided to give San a chance again and met him on the train in a messy hoodie and jeans and smiled up at him, choosing to forget the betrayal for that second and just remember him as the man you loved and will one day love again.

“I’m sorry for bothering me but do you know what station I have to get off to get to the amusement park?”

San laughed breathily, feeling tears prick at the corner of his eyes and he grabbed your hand, threading your fingers together, “I’m headed to the same place, so I can take you there."

*Perjury - the offence of willfully telling an untruth or making a misrepresentation under oath.

[fierte-verte]

Being Steve's Neighbor + Rival-to-Lover Would Include... (Part 1)

Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4

Pre-1981

growing up in hawkin's wealthy neighborhood, you were warranted an easy childhood: nice clothes, parents who skillfully mastered the laissez-faire attitude, and opportunities to pursue everything from ballet to athletics

you had a knack for maneuvering around obstacles, taking to hurdles like a fish to water

hawkins middle school had never seen a faster pair of legs, that was, until your neighbor decided to dip his musty toes in the sport

steve harrington was the nightmare of all opponents: arrogant and crude but unfairly blessed with exceptional motor skills

you hated his guts with a burning passion, the way he'd carelessly flick his sweat-drenched towel around, fancy running shoes digging into the ground to make obnoxious sounds

not to mention his ego, so honest-to-god swollen that it couldn't handle being bested by a girl

"hey princess, why don't you go ahead and quit already? save yourself the humiliation"

"like when your parents never show up at any of our meets?"

few in town knew how dysfunctional the picture-perfect Harringtons were, but as their neighbor you had witnessed first hand how little steve's parents cared about him

the ugly truth was a fatal sore spot with steve, and the results were deadly each time you weaponized it

clear brown eyes would darken into a muddy blur, fists clenched so tight you'd see crescent marks on flesh when they unfurled

you always almost felt sorry at the sight of his crumbling expression, frustration and loneliness marring a twelve year-old's face

walking off silently in opposite directions was the only form of truce you two knew

you'd never admit to looking back twice, but under the setting sun there was never a more forlorn shape than his shadow

steve and you were always neck and neck in training, but your rivalry also extended beyond the track and school

on weekends, the little asshole loved to lounge in his pool, blasting the radio at an ungodly volume while you tried to read in the garden next door

"harrington! do you mind? some of us actually have a brain we'd like to enrich once in a while!"

"what? can't hear you over this totally tubular song!"

if your parents were at home to shout over the fence for you, he'd turn the music down in a heartbeat, apology laced with faux sincerity

"sorry mr. and mrs. y/l/n! i didn't know y/n was reading"— you could just hear his shit-eating grin

your parents might've found him cheeky, likeable even, but your protective dachshund Gracie knew better

watching steve squirm as she gave him the stink eye on her daily walk was a great source of satisfaction

"(y/l/n)! get your sausage dog to stop glaring at me"

joint-house dinners for thanksgiving were the worst; the harringtons, knowing nothing about their son, would insist that you and steve sit together at the table

he was relentless with his antics; swapping your salt and sugar, flicking peas into your mashed potatoes whenever the adults weren't looking, "accidentally" using your salad fork and then proceeding to lick it clean in the most revolting manner possible—

needless to say, you would be seething before dessert every time

the look on his face whenever you stamped his pristine sneakers under the table, however, always lasted you through the rest of dinner

1981

when high school rolled around, steve was still unpleasant as ever— though he seemed to have turned his attention away from track, spending it on basketball and swimming instead

you befriended the spunky robin buckley on your first day, both of you late to algebra with mr. mundy

bright as a button, and never one to tell lies, robin was quick to earn your trust

she also learnt your disdain for a certain neighbor in no time

"i'm telling you rob, it's all farrah fawcett and no brain in that head"

to your utter horror, and her amusement, you and steve end up getting paired for ms. jones' chemistry project

"na-cl-uh? what the hell is na-cl-uh?"

"jesus harrington, it's NaCl— sodium chloride"

steve would've loved to roll his eyes and mutter an indiscreet nerd, but he knew damn well you were his grade's saving grace

halfway through freshman year, steve had officially quit track, unable to juggle three sports and his father's crushing expectations

to everyone's surprise, you were livid at the news, storming up to his lunch table one day with a flabbergasted robin in tow

he'd taken one glance at your furious face before ducking behind tommy h for protection— coward, as if that stick of a boy could even land a punch

"why’d you quit?"

he just stared at you, doe eyes comically wide and mouth hanging open with a disgustingly half-chewed hot dog inside

"what's it to you, princess? thought you'd be glad to get rid of your strongest competition"

robin gave you a gentle nudge, seemingly in agreement with steve's statement— now quite true in hindsight

would life be easier if you didn't have steve "the hair" harrington breathing down your neck at every training? yes

but did the idea of steve throwing away his potential, when you know he's got what it takes to win state, national even, sting like hell? also yes

anyone who has a problem with it can sue you, but it still didn't take away the fact that, for some absurd reason, you'd had higher hopes for the insufferable jerk

the unreal confrontation that day ended with you stalking away from the table, simultaneously mortified and disappointed

steve had laughed it off with tommy h and the rest of his underlings, but his eyes never once left your retreating back, curious and astonished

that summer, you focused half of your time on training and hanging out at robin's house, with the other half spent babysitting kids around town

will byers was one of them— soft-spoken, imaginative, and extremely perceptive, he was your favorite gremlin of them all

you'd watch him when joyce and jonathan were out late on their work shifts, always ending up in castle byers because will didn't like staying in the house without them

you'd sit comfortably surrounded by quilts and pillows, chin propped on folded knees as he talked about the party and their latest campaign

he missed his dad sometimes, you could tell, despite the man's sleaziness and self-served character

you hated seeing the sad frown form between will's eyebrows, too familiar and jarring on a little boy's face

"hey kid— you think i'd make a good clerk?"

"cleric," he'd correct, exasperated but grateful for the momentary distraction

1982

sophmore year rolled by quickly; you did well in hurdles and picked up pole vaulting, started learning russian with robin, and grew an unhealthy obsession with rob lowe when the outsiders came out

you'd coax robin into watching it with you at sleepovers, rewinding the tape over and over again with the window open until steve chucked something through it from his room across

"if i have to hear rob lowe ask about his dx shirt one more time—"

he'd argue that you're addicted, but it's more a religion, really

already used to your bickering, robin would snort, swallow her mouthful of popcorn, and toss whatever steve had thrown in into a blue basket labelled "environmental pollutant"

it's mainly filled with socks, marbles, forgotten toy cars, and a few crumpled up pages of playboy that was excellent blackmail material

for three weeks, you sat next to laurie hills in english, listening to her go on and on about steve's hair, his "manly" hands, how much of a gentleman he was to her

not much, you thought to yourself, if the sight of amy pline climbing through his window on a friday night was any indication

he'd catch your squinted eyes through the window, having the audacity to look the slightest embarrased at having gotten caught

he always covered it up with a half-baked smug grin, however, and you'd tell laurie she was better off without him every time she came to class late, poorly hidden tear streaks peeking through fresh powder

the somewhat civilized hostility between you and steve continued on until late march, when you came home one day to find gracie missing, the front door swung open ominously

overcome with panic, you looked up and down the street before spotting steve on his porch, nursing what seemed to be a sore cheek

"harrington! have you seen gracie?"

startled at your voice and already cranky from being slapped, steve couldn't help but react harshly

"in case you haven't noticed, (y/l/n), i'm not exactly in the state to keep an eye out for deranged canines”

the worry in your stomach swelled, along with fury at steve's nonchalance— you'd thought he would at least offer a helping hand in looking, knowing how much gracie meant to you after your grandfather's death

"you know, steve, despite what your blockhead friends tell you, you don't actually have to be an ass all the time"

if the tears threatening to spill from your eyes didn't do the trick, hearing the rare sound of his name from your mouth definitely jolted steve from his grouchy spell

"hey, i'm sorry, i didn't—"

"forget it, steve, i don't want to beg for your help. i shouldn't have to"

you hurried away from the harrington house, scurrying around the area in search of a black and tan blob

it began to pour soon after, the rain soaking you to a tee; unable to see anything in the weather, you began to tread back home reluctantly

if there ever was a stranger sight, it'd be steve harrington standing on the steps of your house, equally drenched and holding something in his bunched up jacket

upon walking closer, you realized it was gracie, fur damp and shaking slightly in steve's arms

"i-uh-found her on mirkwood, scared and everything behind a dumpster"

he watched as you cooed and whispered soothingly at gracie, fingers reaching out to rub behind her ears— all the while ignoring the heavy thumping in his own chest

"i'm-uh-sorry, for earlier, laurie came over and we started fighting—"

"i know, steve, i sit next to her in english," you offered a wobbly, pained smile as the olive branch, only to have steve see it as another stick tossed to the fire

"oh? so that's how it is? class bell rings and a gossip parade starts like it's the fourth?" the sudden souring of his tone caused you to tense, ready to revert back to the usual jibes and digs

"what in the— steve, i'm not the bad guy in your relationship. it's not like laurie is clueless about your conquests, you know, since amy pline can't keep her mouth shut about you even if her life depended on it—"

"so you tell her to break up with me, steve harrington, the big bad neighbor”

"oh please!" you could hear the rush of blood from your ears to cheeks, "you look at anyone remotely interested like a goddamn piece of meat, and you chew and spit them out so carelessly, like you're above all us peasants, who have to pick up your mess just because you can't keep it in your pants—"

"oh ok, i'm smelling some big-time jealously here. you're mad i don't pay you enough attention, princess? that i don't grovel at your feet like aaron marvey and the rest of the track team?"

that's it, you think to yourself in sheer bewilderment, steve harrington's officially out of his goddamn mind

plucking gracie from his arms, your hands gentle despite the rage, you swerved around steve to unlock your front door, entire body trembling in shock

such wishful thinking, that eight years of knowing each other could, if even for a minute, somehow place you in his good graces

there was no hiding how upset you were, so you spun around, looked straight into his eyes and whispered, "have a good rest of your day, king steve— i’d say i hope to see you later but i don’t"

leaning against the door as it slammed shut, you felt the prickle of fresh tears in your eyes— why were you crying? and of all people, because of steve harrington?

gracie, the rain, messing up your pace more than usual in training today— that had to be it, not your stupid neighbor who didn't know the definition of humility until it slapped him across the face, who suddenly decided to soak his 40-dollar Gazelles looking for a dog whom he didn't even like (not to mention before insulting her owner in every way possible)

jesus, what was wrong with him? and what was wrong with you? you never cared about what steve harrington thought— this weird, antagonistic dynamic worked just fine for you both all these years

with that thought, you hugged gracie closer to your chest, the sounds of your sniffling muffled by her coat

"hey-sweetheart-it'll be alright"

whether the words were for gracie or yourself, no one knew— not even steve, who stood outside your door the entire night, fist half-raised against the wood

[elysianslove]

Hiii! I loved your Iwa fluff headcanons and was wondering if you could do one with Suna? thanks <3

yesyesyes i would love to!!! iwaizumi’s version. 

↬ when suna was younger, he really, really wanted a pet bunny. like he really, really loved bunnies, and would beg his parents day and night for one. he even made a really badly edited powerpoint on bunnies and why he deserves one (aside the editing, it was a very persuasive powerpoint. they filmed him while he presented it and the video haunts him to this day). his parents were relentless, though, and didn’t get him his bunny. instead, though, they surprised him with a cat. a cat isn’t as high maintenance since they’re very independent creatures, but can also be very fun. they figured any pet would make him happy. they were wrong. suna hated her so much and would never interact with her. like to the point where he nicknamed her “bitch” and now she mainly answers to that instead of her name. but all that only worked against him, and the cat just kept getting more and more attached to him.

↬ suna now loves her so much, and she’s just as attached to him. like he would kill for her, honestly. it’s his cat >>> everyone else. he has an album on his phone dedicated to pictures and videos of only her, and her bed is in his room because she always ends up sleeping there anyways. he realized later on when he grew older that a cat was the perfect animal for him, and he’s not sure if it’s a parents thing and they really knew or they were just winging it and hoping for the best, but she’s his favorite ever and he would risk it all for her.

↬ his favorite sleeping position with her would be when he’s casually laying on his back scrolling through his phone and she comes and crawls along him to lay on his chest. the warmth he feels within his chest like he just gets so giddy.

↬ suna is crazy obsessed with serial killer documentaries, horror movies, unsolved mysteries, everything like that. his favorite pastime is watching and reading these things, but honestly, it’s not even a like, “wow that’s so cool,” and more of a, “suna what is wrong with you???” type of thing, because he’s the type to have like insidious 2 in the background as he does his homework or gets ready or something. it’s kind of scary how unfazed he is with things like that.

↬ but! yeah he’s extremely brave when it comes to horror movies, borderline unhinged, but his biggest fear? his phobia, if you will? spiders. insects in general, really. he will scream like a sixth grader that’s yet to hit puberty if he sees a spider crawling near him. once he was peeing in the miya twins’ bathroom and some kind of cockroach crawling on the wall and nearly fainted. thank god he was already peeing because he would’ve pissed his pants either way. it’s so embarrassing for him, so he’s so good at hiding it. he just freezes impossibly when he notices an insect and doesn’t take his eye off of it until someone else notices it and kills it. there was this instance when they were at a training camp and he kept feeling as if something was crawling on him, but assumed it was just really hot and his skin was tingling from that. something was crawling on him, though, and it was not just really hot. Top 10 Most Traumatic Moments of his life, especially because atsumu’s first instinct was to record the whole thing.

↬ suna is extremely, and i mean extremely, touch-starved. physical touch has always made him uncomfortable for a reason unknown to him, so he never really accepted hugs or kisses from his family, and would feel so icky if he was roped into a group hug b by his teammates. so when he met you, he thought you’d be so against the fact that he’s uncomfortable with it, because who would want a partner that doesn’t wanna touch or be touched? turns out he actually craves it, and needs it badly, he just needed to take his own time and pace approaching it, and with how understanding you were, he doubted he could ever figure this out without you. he just took it slow, you know? but the more he touched you — held your hand, pinched your cheek, rested his head on your shoulder, pecked your lips for a few seconds longer than last time — the more he wanted you.

↬ when suna became comfortable with the thought and idea that yeah, he actually craves physical touch so damn bad, he wouldn’t stop touching you every second he could. he became insanely clingy, no matter if you were in public or alone. just always has a hand on you at all times. when he’s alone with you, he’s always trying to cuddle with you. you wanna sit and chill on your phone and not really talk? sure, just come do it with your head on his chest. you wanna watch a movie and munch on some popcorn and possibly share a drink? of course he’d love to! just come sit between his legs with your popcorn on your lap so he can steal some and also offer you some sips from the drink. you don’t wanna hug him after a game cause he’s too sweaty? that’s too bad, he wasn’t asking for permission. so you see, suna is a clingy mf. like latches onto you like a koala clingy <3

↬ suna’s music taste is very diverse. his favorite genre is alternative and rock, like the neighborhood, arctic monkeys, etc, but he also loves, loves loves glitchcore music, but also will un-ironically listen to kpop, and rap, and hannah montana’s old music too because why not. he just doesn’t care. if a song is good, it’s good. so what if it caters to a bunch of 12 year olds and not him? who decides that anyways?

↬ suna is very good at hair. like so good. as his sister started to get older, and her hair grew longer, she would sometimes ask him to do it for her before school. at first he was terrible at it, except maybe ponytails cause his hair was long enough at some point to push back into a ponytail, but everything else like parting her hair for pigtails or doing braids or a bun… he was just awful. so, in response, he’d just practice. he’d watch videos as he’s doing his little sister’s hair and be so focused, with his tongue sticking out a little and his eyes squinting as he tries to get it accurate. eventually, he becomes a master at it! you find this out when one day, as you’re just over at his house, his sister comes into his room with a hair tie and a brush and he just carries her up onto his lap and braids her hair as he chats with you and it was so endearing and so impressive and you genuinely believe that was the moment you realized you were in love with him.

↬ he offers to do your hair for you all the time now!! especially if you’ve just showered and are too lazy to brush it and tie it in some way, so he does it for you. he’s actually so, very gentle when brushing your hair, you don’t even feel a thing. if anything, it makes you really sleepy.

↬ when he joined the national team and started to become more and more of a public figure, he’d send you really explicit fan art of him and other teammates he was shipped with just to piss you off. if he was feeling really bold, he’d send you smut written about him. he says he wants to make you jealous. he just wants to provoke you in every way possible, really. one time someone made an edit plot twisting you and him to him and like atsumu so he downloaded video star and made such a bad edit of you and him and posted it on his twitter and instagram and it went viral. like it was one of those edits of just pictures flipping and hearts flashing and lights spasming all over the screen it was so bad it made you cry with laughter. that was his way of telling the world, no one but this person for me, right here <3

↬ i think he’d be very good at doing chores and cleaning and all that, despite how lazy he is. i just think it’s a habit kind of thing, where he grew up doing laundry and making his bed and cleaning his room and washing the dishes that he genuinely doesn’t mind doing it cause it’s natural for him. and he’s learnt to enjoy it.

↬ suna’s favorite color was deep, deep purple at some point, but now it’s between green and black.

↬ he’s caught up with all seasons of keeping up with the kardashians. please don’t ask him why, he doesn’t even know.

↬ once when you were out with him you just gave him a rock that was on the floor and he’s kept that rock with him ever since. like it’s in the drawer next to his bed and sometimes he just takes it out and holds it in his hand while he’s doing homework or scrolling through his phone.

↬ he spams you a lot. like at any time time of the day he just sends you a million videos of him doing the most mundane things; he sends you a video of him eating some almonds and at the end it’s just him going, “i’s good,” or him lip-syncing a song you sent him to listen to, or him trying to do eyeliner because why not. or maybe it’s pictures of him and it’s always ridiculous: him exaggerating him thinking, and then captioning it “thinking,” or just a picture of him on the roof with a peace sign and a pretty smile, or a close up photo of his face saying, “miss u.”

↬ he also spams you with memes all the time. and there’s no set type, it’s just all kinds. really corny memes and really cursed memes, wholesome memes and also memes that bully you. it’s all about the versatility.

↬ suna loves to sleep, he really does, but before meeting you, the only place where he could properly fall into a deep sleep was his bed. after meeting you, anywhere where you were next to him was the perfect place to sleep. if he had your presence near him he could sleep, it didn’t matter, especially if he was resting on your lap or shoulder or gripping onto your hand or resting his legs on your lap. he just wants you close to him, you know? like he feels so safe and comfortable when you’re around, it kind of scares him if he’s honest.

[spookysmujer]

All the Stars, O. Diaz

Summary: After having a stressful week dealing with the Santos, you try to make Oscar feel relaxed enough to get him to open up.

word count: 1.3K

warnings: cute s h e t, fluff, vulnerability

a/n: Hello babes, I am putting in some weRk over these next few days! Also who has been super excited after hearing it’s official: ON MY BLOCK SEASON 4 IS HAPPENING. Our papichulo returns! Don’t worry, angst coming up next, some smut and the whole spiel, hehe. As always please: follow the blog, heart/comment/reblog my work and turn on notifications for when I post new content! 

requested by @justatiredfool

(gif belongs to unknown 🥺)

You were told you were silly to move in with Oscar during senior year of high school. That you had to be knocked up. Even though your parents gave you the OK, they always made it their mission to remind you that there are more important things in life than having a boyfriend. But no one understood just how deeply you connected with him. And to those who claimed it wouldn’t last, here you are 5 years later.

And with living at the Santo trap house came with its occasional inconveniences. Such as Oscar having the stress of ‘work’ follow him home all the time. And mostly, there was no problem in solving them. He did his best to separate business and pleasure. But there were days where he couldn’t and it would take a toll on your relationship. Days like today, so you want to help him relax and relinquish any stress.

When he gets home, he stops in the kitchen to press a kiss to the top of your head. He goes to the bedroom and strips down to his white tank and basketball shorts. You take the liberty to get him a beer, he thanks you with a touch when you hand it to him, “Long day?”

He hums in response as you run your hand over his head, he loves the feeling of you touching him. Touch for him is his love language rather than speaking. Which no doubt was hard for you in the beginning considering that for you, you were heavy in verbal communication. You need lots of reassurance and it was a big adjustment to learn that he likes to reassure you in a different way. 

After mindlessly thinking, you reach over and take the remote to turn off the tv. He scrunches his eyebrows together and looks at you, “Com’n, let’s go.”

“Go where? I just got home, com’n.” You gather your purse and go stand by the doorway, looking back at Oscar who is still laying back on the bed. He looks at you, trying to tell you I ain’t going nowhere with his eyes. But your eyes tend to be more deadly than his. He groans before getting up and grabbing his wallet, “You don’t need it, let’s go tortuga.” 

He pinches your behind as he approaches you, you squeal a little as you get away. Though he didn’t want to, Oscar knows there are days where you don’t see him much except for when he climbs into bed next to you. So instead of complaining, he just follows in pursuit. 

You snatch the keys from his hand and jump into the driver’s seat. He won’t admit it but he loves to see you drive his car, it wasn’t always that way but to see you leant back, wind in your hair and head bopping to music, it’s a sight for sore eyes. Oscar keeps quiet as co-pilot and lets you take him to wherever you have planned.

Oscar doesn’t think anything when you pull up at a taco truck, you tell him to wait in the car that you phone ordered food for the two of you. When you get back to the car, he half expects for the two of you to eat in the car. However, you place the bag of food in the back seat and take off again. You drive for a bit more, taking a turn pass the sign that says “Hollywood Sign Ahead”. Most tourists have a designated area to part and hike near it. You know a way to drive up to it. Call it your rebel memory of high school. “Where are you taking me, hm?”

You look over at Oscar and smile, continuing the drive in silence. Oscar quirks his eyebrows when pulled up near a cliffside. He looks to you then tries to look over the ledge, “Com’n.” And when you walk over to his side to pull him closer to the edge, he feels a certain weight leave his shoulders. The sight is literally breathtaking. Los Angeles in a whole view makes everything that has been happening seem so miniscule. He lefts out a breath, closing his eyes for a moment. 

“That’s why I brought you here. That release of breath you just let out that you have been holding in for God knows how long. Up here it’s different from the beach, down there you can release it but still gotta be cautious. Here, there is literally no one to see you be… you.” He keeps looking at the bustling city below. A small smile forms on his lips before looking at you. His hand cups your cheek, thumb gently gliding across the warm skin. You melt into his touch and smile.

So you both get comfy of the hood of his car and get to grubbing on the tacos. It’s nothing but silence as you eat first. You want Oscar to feel comfortable in this safe space. You have learned that the best way some people release all the pent up frustration is in silence while in the presence of others. It seemed out to you when you learnt this but sometimes it’s just another's presence that can be a tremendous help.

He finishes first and you offer your other taco, he denies it and chugs the rest of his drink. “Cuchillos put me second in command. Lots of new territories to cover. More business to handle and it’s been a fucking rough trip so far. Turning against long time allies. Taking fathers from little ones. I knew what I was getting when taking on the job but…” He shrugs, clearing his throat. 

You watch him closely and quietly sighed. Not pushing him to talk more, you wait it out patiently. “I just need to know you can stick it out with me during times like this.” He says and you stop chewing your food, taken back a bit.

Oscar finally looks at you and you swallow. You set your food down to slide off the hood to stand in front of him. He watches as you step between his legs, he looks at your lips as you rest your hand on his thighs. “Remember when we had that pregnancy scare half way into senior year? Or when Cesar ran off from us at the fair? We didn’t know what to expect to have next then, just like you don’t know right now. But we always did something that no matter the outcome we knew we’d be okay, we always stuck together and did our best. I am here. I am not going anywhere, I won’t run when the going gets rough. When every single day life tries to throw us a curveball, I’m gonna be right next to you. I promise you that.”

Those special moments in life that automatically engrain themselves into your brain, the times where it becomes such a significant moment that you can later anchor yourself to. And right now is one of those moments. Oscar knew from the get go that you would remain a faithful companion in his life the moment you took a leap and moved in with him. Unknown where the future could lead the two of you. Here you are in the moment that you never saw coming all those years ago.

“Thank you.” He grabs your hand and presses a kiss on the back of it. You blush as he pulls your arm around him to get a hug. Oscar inhales your scent which has always consisted of vanilla and brown sugar. The feeling of your embrace keeps him at bay with the uncontrolled thoughts. The two of you share a few kisses, “Despite all this shit, it’s not a bad thought you know.” He tells you and you look at him quizzically. 

He chuckles, “A baby, you pregnant. Doesn’t sound bad at all.”

The warmth in your cheeks makes you look away shyly. But the condensation that spread across the windows later showed no signs of shyness. 

taglist: @clemmingstylins0n @fairygardenss @princesstiffxoxo @firebenderwolf @mbaku-babygirl @chellybear98 @multiyfandomgirl40 @i-just-wanna-live-gc @roury66 @lillict @tinylumpiaa @prettymya3 @starrynite7114 @spookysbabymama @aneitii @b3mybunnybaby @angelxfics @kkim120 @ladylj @vayagrxce @irenne-stans @boujee-bitches @blessedboo​ @lidumiw​ @morenokatt​ @gltrpzy​ (please let me know if you would like to be removed or added to the taglist!)

[prfctethereal]

just another horror movie. | james potter

pairing: james potter x reader

chapter: one 

warnings: NSFW, smut, oral (male receiving), exhibitionism, talk of dead bodies, actual dead body, blood, vomiting

word count: 3.7k

read the prologue here or on ao3 here

summary: you and james take a quick detour through the woods, to have a bit of morning fun, but find something gruesome.

Three weeks earlier…

The quiet town of Hogwarts had never been quieter. It was typical though; towns that resided in the countryside of Scotland were often described as “quiet”, unbeknownst to most that it was anything but. Except, Hogwarts lived up to the stereotype. Peaceful, tame, quiet.

Quiet.

God, you needed some quiet.

Exam season was narrowing in, which meant endless nights of caffeine and random studying music that you found on spotify, its main purpose to help you concentrate. It was unfortunate, with the school year coming to a close, but you were determined to leave the year proud and satisfied with your work. Everything was going perfectly so far. Nothing could screw it up.

This is what you told yourself as you began your walk to school this morning. Leaving your house at seven in the morning on the dot had become the regular for you. Now that Summer was finally coming in, the walks were warm, without chilling breezes. You could feel comfortable with the wind in your hair and a light shirt on your back.

Something felt tranquil about this morning in particular. You didn’t feel held up or anxious. You didn’t even feel stressed as you busily organised your school bag this morning. You didn’t even blink an eye when you dropped your chemistry textbook on your foot. You were in a good mood. You were glowing.

Maybe it was because you had been getting some amazing sex from your amazing boyfriend lately.

Maybe.

But today wasn’t for what ifs. Today, you had one thing on your mind. A conversation needed to be had between you and your guidance counsellor, as the prospects of colleges were starting to roll around. Applications were beginning to close and your aspirations for life after high school were beginning to get clearer and clearer. You no longer wanted to be tied down in a small town, where the most important job you could get was at the Mayor’s office, sitting at a desk, listening to the complaints of highly egotistical citizens.

Wasn’t for you.

Your mind drifted off to your could-be life, and before you knew it, your legs had walked to your boyfriend’s house without you even realising. It was something unconscious and natural, something you were completely used to. The sight of the grand, three-story mansion that your lover lived in brought unprecedented comfort.

The spiralling pillars covered in the greenest of vines was something from a fairytale. A pale cerulean was painted across the panelling, giving a dream-like feel. Right above the front door housed a giant window, one that opened up into James’ bedroom.

Right. James.

Walking up the path, you felt comforted by the familiar sound of gravel beneath your feet. It reminded you of all the nights you had snuck up this very path to climb into James’ bedroom via the window. Nostalgic really.

Now you were here in broad daylight, ready to walk hand in hand with your boyfriend to school. Knocking on the front door, you were excited to see a nearly immediate opening of the door, with a very joyous boy standing there. His signature dopey smile glistened even brighter, as his eyes lingered over your clothed body a little longer than expected. His tongue shot out very quickly over the pink cushions of his lips, something you could’ve missed in a blink of an eye, but you didn’t. Laughing, he pushed his glasses up the nose of his bridge, before running his fingers through his unruly hair.

“Should we go then?” It sounded as though it was the first time James had spoken this morning, a fact that you didn’t mind, as your brain thought unholy things when listening to his gravely morning voice.

“Soon.” You mumbled, your voice trailing off slightly, as you stepped towards James, swinging your arms around the back of his neck. Taking a breath of his scent, you leaned forward, placing a delicate kiss upon his lips. They were slightly chapped, but you didn’t care.

It may have been a Summer day, but that wasn’t the only reason you were feeling hot.

Stopping yourself before you went too far, you pulled backwards, not before suggestively running your hands down James’ chest, smirking against his lips. “Come on, let's go.” You remarked playfully, smacking your hand lightly against James’ firm butt, which elicited a short laugh from the bubbly man.

So, hand in hand, you and James darted down his footpath, back into the street. Even more birds had woken up by now, with a choir of chirping serenading your descent into the bustling streets of Hogwarts.

Everything now seemed a little more public than you initially thought. Neighbours were waking up and going to work now too, giving no shorter than five second glances at you and James’ hand intertwined. You know what they would say; old people gossiped too much for your liking. It made you especially nervous, knowing that your parents didn’t know about your illicit relationship. Maybe it should stay that way. Well, before any neighbours get a little too gossipy in the weekly book club meetings.

“Are you listening to me?” James asked, snapping you out of your thoughtful haze. Blinking twice, you returned your attention to James, who’s eyes were laced with concern as he looked you over once again, eyebrows furrowed. “You seem out of it.”

“Oh, sorry.” Your voice came out almost silently as you looked away, flushed and embarrassed. “What were you talking about?”

“How I was going to fuck you so hard later today that you are going to struggle to walk.” James followed his statement with a dash of laughter, something that you mimicked like a pirate’s parrot.

“Well, I hope that’s not a joke, my dear.” You flashed a sly smile, looking James up and down. You both stopped walking, with James now admiring the way you were biting your lip, as if you were a siren trying to entrap him. Surely, you guys wouldn’t quickly dash away into the bush and go for a quickie right now, right?

James thought about it too, eyeing up someone’s poor hydrangea bush. Unfortunately, there would be too many witnesses, and exhibitionism wasn’t something you had both openly discussed before, although it wasn’t completely off the table.

“Lunch period.” James finally said, stopping his momentary halt, and marching forward.

“Lunch period?”

James leaned over, pressing his lips so close to your ear. His hot breath sent shivers down your spine, ones that ended in your core. “Meet me in the hallway between the chemistry and physics lab. I think there’s a new cupboard we could Christen.”

Giggling in excitement, you rubbed your fingers up the length of James’ arm, tugging him down the footpath, continuing your conversation about whatever. You learnt that he had a History test today, all about women earning the right to vote. You sighed as you listened to him talk about what he was passionate about, his stressed vowel sounds turning you on more than you would’ve thought.

Then came a predicament. An actual, real life crossroad. Right in front of you was where the footpath curved to the left, following along the road onto the main road through town. It was the way you went every day, with the road taking you directly to school when you walked along it, arriving perfectly at seven twenty-five every day. It was ideal.

This morning, though, you were feeling cheeky. From this footpath curve was another opportunity. The footpath also opened into a dirt path, something that twisted into the woods, or, as the conspiracy theorists of the town called it, the Forbidden Forest. It was hardly forbidden though; they literally took Scouts classes there, and those have kids as young as seven in them.

Feeling devilish, you paused James for a moment, the cogs turning over in your brain. You might arrive at school a little later than you first thought, but at least you would have some distance between the prying eyes of the Hogwarts neighbourhood. And maybe, you could have a little bit of fun too.

“James,” you smirked, tugging at the edge of his shirt, capturing his attention, something that wasn’t actually that hard to do, “shall we go for a detour this morning?”

Your eyes flashed over the forest and onto the quiet stillness of it. You could feel James’ heart rate speed up, but it wasn’t because he was scared. He was just as excited as you. It was like a switch had flicked on in his brain, although he was still hesitant, his feet still planted firmly on the ground.

“Are you sure?” James questioned. “How late is this going to make us?”

“Not that late at all.” You justified, mocking offence. “Oh, we should get there at maybe, quarter to eight? And besides, it’s fresh air, it’ll be good for us, and our lungs. Think of it as reversing the side effects of being around Sirius and Remus when they smoke all the time. Your lungs will thank us.”

“I’m not sure that’s how it works.” James laughed.

“How would you be so sure?”

“I’m the one that takes biology out of the two of us.”

You had to try another tactic, so, you jutted your bottom lip out of your mouth, putting on your best doe eyes, hoping you could flutter your eyelashes enough for him to give into temptation. “Please?”

A sigh escaped James lips as he seemed to give in. His reluctant look of worry was quickly replaced by an eager spark. Knitting his fingers in with yours, you two walked hand and hand together down the dirt path. The change of feeling beneath your feet was almost instantly recognisable, the normal, smooth, concrete path replaced by the rough dirt, and slight mud, even though it hadn't rained in days.

As you continued to wander down the path, you were suddenly covered in a canopy of shade, as the trees of the forest soon covered your heads. The route got a tad darker, the path no longer illuminated with the light of the sun, not that you minded though. You could still easily see where you were going.

You felt a little colder without the extra heat from the sun. You didn’t like the way goosebumps rose on your skin or the way you had to rub your hands along your arm to keep yourself warm. You felt out of control, a feeling of which you loathed. You didn’t want your perfect morning to be ruined by a little chill.

When you reached a tall, winding tree, you stopped James from his walk, pulling him off the path. Luckily, you had spotted a small dip in the earth, perfect to stay in, somewhere where regular bystanders wouldn’t find you. Happy with your discovery, you looked back at James, who had a puzzled look across his face.

“What’s going on?”

“Can I kiss you?” You asked breathlessly, your hands already getting fidgety. You wanted to be connected with James again, intertwined if you will. You needed to feel his skin, even if it was barely quarter past seven in the morning.

“Yes, love.” James breathed out, his voice quiet and shallow. WIth the consent, you leaned upwards, connecting your lips at last. It felt right to be pressed up against each other once again, even if it had been only yesterday when you had last felt such passion.

You deepened the kiss, feeling urgent to make the most of the short time you had together. Your mouths melded together almost perfectly, your lips pushing against each other like a playful pillow fight, one which you were determined to win.

Feeling mischievous, you reached to James’ hair, tugging lightly on his roots, an action you knew he liked. This action got the response you wanted from him, a needy moan, in which you took the opportunity to slip your tongue into his mouth, battling it out with his own, regaining confidence and dominance.

You pulled away, your cheeks flushed from the lack of oxygen. James looked disheveled but pleased, wanting to continue your little make out session, but unfortunately, you had limited time.

“Can I suck you off?” You whispered against his mouth innocently, looking up at his hazel eyes, brushing his hair off of his forehead. You could hear him gulp with nervousness, before nodding quickly, his hands making their way to his slacks.

You knew James was slipping into a mindset clouded by arousal, so you sank to your knees slowly in front of him, still looking up at him through your long lashes. On your journey downwards, you carefully unzipped the zipper on his pants, pulling them down to ankles, until he was clad in only his boxers.

Lifting yourself up slightly onto the balls of your feet, you kissed him lightly on the outside of his boxers, feathering gentle kisses. You knew you were being a tease, but you needed him nice and hard. As you felt his bulge setting like cement under your lips, you lifted your hands up, joining your lips so you could palm him, stroking the material.

When James started moaning, - “oh please, stop teasing, I beg you,” - you released him from the cage of his underwear, dragging the clothing down the apex of his things, watching the muscles twitch in excitement. There, James’ half hard cock laid against his thighs, the tip a gentle rouge colour.

Your fingers grazed over his prick, lightly tracing a prominent vein of the underside of the sex muscle. James groaned in pleasure, the teasing getting too much for him to handle. Feeling benevolent, you dribbled saliva over the tip of the cock, before wrapping your entire hand around it. You started stroking harder and faster, making sure James could feel all of you in a way you hand. He was starting to fall apart above you, but it wasn;t enough.

“So- so good.” James murmured, his eyes gently shutting as he became lost in the feeling. “Don’t stop, please don’t stop. I love your hands, so perfect, so precise. Perfect for me, precise for me.”

“It was like you were made for me.” You agreed with the raven haired boy, before bringing your lips down to the tip of his penis. This action shocked James, but the whimper out of his mouth made you know he was enjoying it. Living from the excitement of the exhibisionist route, you swiveled your tongue across the tip, reaching down the length of the cock, savouring his taste.

“Right there.” James moane, as you brung the rest of your mouth down over his now fully hard cock, reveling in the flavour of the salty precum that was leaking from his angry tip. With a smooth rhythm, you bobbed your head up and down on James’ cock, the sound of his moans itching you on.

You knew you were running out of time, and you still wanted him to cum, so you sped up your movements on James’ cock, stroking the base of his cock, which could not fit in your mouth. Adding to the pleasure, you let your hands move downwards a bit more, so they played gently with James’ hanging balls.

This applied pressure was becoming too much for James, as his breath became laboured and a tingling feeling was nearly bursting at his cock. “I’m gonna cum, please, I’m going to do it.”

You lifted your mouth off of James’ cock, just to murmur, “let go.” James, with your permission, spurted his cum across your hands. Eager to savour him, you opened your mouth, catching as much of the milking substance as possible, not wanting to waste any of it. Jacking James off through the entire thing, you watched as his orgasm crashed over him entirely, the way his face contorted in pleasure almost being the most beautiful portrait to you.

Licking the rest of his cum off of your fingers, you stood up, wiping your knees off, as the dirt sticking to you was becoming slightly uncomfortable. While you stood up, you reached from the top of James’ pants, pulling them upwards as you went.

“Thanks.” James almost laughed, except he still sounded out of breath, which was very reasonable though. You did just suck the life out of him. His fingers worked quickly, rearranging his pants, and cock, so that you both could continue on your way to school.

As you waited for James to finish cleaning himself up, your nose turned upwards. There was a strange smell coming from the area, one you didn’t notice before when you were on your knees in front of James. It was a smell that you were relatively unfamiliar with, but all you knew was that it stank like rotten meat.

“Can you smell that?” You asked James, looking off into the little ditch you were beside. Wherever you were, it seemed that it had been recently disturbed. Broken twigs snapped into pieces laid amongst crunched up leaves. If you squinted, you were sure you could even make out that faintest of footprints on the ground. It was odd, but nothing you haven't seen before in the woods. The smell on the other hand…

“Smells like thrown out vegetables.” James readjusted his glasses before holding out his hand, inviting you to close your fingers in with his. “I bet some old granny thought it would be a good idea to throw out their compost in the woods. If the council found out, they would have a fit. You know all about their weirdly tight rules on littering? It’s not even bad for the environment.”

You had stopped listening a while ago. Something didn’t feel right, but it was nothing you could sort out now. You weren’t satisfied but you turned back towards James anyway, knowing that you needed to head off to school or you would be running a little bit behind schedule. As you turned around, you noticed James’ face morph from a cheeky grin to a concerned frown.

“What is it?” You pondered, stepping towards James, matching his pear-shaped frown with one of your own.

“Did you cut yourself when you were on your knees?”

“Huh?”

“Look.” James bent down to look at your knees and you turned your head down too. What you thought had just been a bit of dirt must’ve been something else. Your knees were covered in a browny-red, maybe a maroon colour. It looked as though your entire knee had been cut open, as blood was still dripping from your skin, but that couldn’t be right. You felt no pain on your knee. You hadn’t cut yourself.

Swiping your fingers across your knee, you gathered some of the drying blood on your fingers. This was the first time you had looked at your hands since you wiped off your knees before and you saw that you had smudged blood stains all across your palm. You nearly barfed on the spot. You felt incredibly uneasy, like a stormy ocean filled your stomach.

You lifted your fingers up to your nose, a theory hypothesising into your head, and you were right. The smell of the blood matched the rotten meat smell you could smell before. As if you were a dog, the odor latched onto your nose and expanded, its putrid smell being the only thing in your senses.

“I'm going to be sick.” You doubled over a rock. Resting your hand against a boulder, you hovered downwards over a patch of leaves, letting your breakfast out. Your head was reeling as you could still smell the retching odor of the old blood. You couldn’t get it out of your mind, so you leaned over again, round two of the hurling intervention.

James rushed over to you, placing his warm hands on your back, rubbing soothing circles. He wished he could say that his main focus was to make you feel better, but it wasn’t. Over in the deepest part of the dish, he noticed something strange. It was almost like a small lump in the ground, something unnatural. It seemed to be covered very messily by old leaves and sticks, and an entire tree branch, as if it would make it any less inconspicuous. It even had that opposite of the desired effect, seemingly sticking out like a sore thumb.

“Darling,” James waited until you lifted your head back up, regaining your breath once again, “what do you think that is?”

James’ hand pointed into the direction of the ditch, in which you followed his eyesight and body movements. You could see it too; just a lump in the ground. Your mind was racing of what it could be. A dead animal? A pile of rotten food? Maybe a…

“Holy shit!” You had only just realised that James had already walked over there, except his body was covering your eye line, and you couldn’t actually see what James had found. Although, he told you immediately. “Quick, call the police. It’s a body.”

A dead body in Hogwarts? Making sure you didn’t lose any more of your stomach through puking, you rushed onto the path in the woods, grabbing your phone out of your pocket, hoping you could get service all the way out here in the woods. Fumbling to turn your phone on, you nearly groaned out in annoyance when you saw that you were getting no bars of service.

Running back to James, you couldn’t stop at the moment. You called out to him, your words a blurred mess, trying to convey to him that you were going to find someone to help. Unsure if he had even heard you, you ran back down the path, your feet carrying you to where you needed to go, unable to bring yourself to a cohesive thought.

When you exited the forest, you flicked your head around, trying to find someone, anyone, that could help in the moment. The first person you saw was your calculus teacher, Mr Slughorn, to which you promptly called out to.

“Mr Slughorn!” You cupped your hands around your mouth to project your words across louder. Mr Slughorn snapped his head around and gave a friendly wave. Annoyed, you shook your head. “Call the police!”

“What?” He called back, walking towards you now. You groaned, trying again.

“There's a dead body in the forest. Call the police!”

***

lmao. anyway this has become a series whoops.

[ginkgomoon]

Gavin and MC’s High School History- Detailed Timeline

Dedicated to my amazing and kind friend @cheri-cheri- one of the Queens of the MLQC fandom on Tumblr! I literally didn’t know how to use it before but I had learnt how in order to keep up with her posts. Without her work, I literally wouldn’t be on here making my own blog either. Thank you, Cheri!!

This is a timeline following the years of high school that MC and Gavin had together. Compiled of dates, rumours and secrets, calls, texts, and other from multiple servers. The source will be shown allocated to its corresponding sentence. I created this because I was really moved when I rewatched Gavin’s Old Days Date and suddenly thought of the many things other players could have missed out on regarding their high school years. If there is anything you need clarification on, or if you would like to add anything in, feel free to send a post/ask or just comment and I’ll try to incorporate and adjust accordingly! 

Based off of true correspondence of the Chinese education system in Shanghai, where the schools there are very strict, with specific responsibilities and events students must have and attend to. In addition, this is different from Western school systems where years 7-9 are in a seperate schools from years 10-12 before university. Dates and seasons mentioned will also be noted as accurately as possible to suit the Loveland storyline in which different events occurred. I felt like a detective trying to piece a fractured storyline together to solve a mystery, honestly...

Prepare your tissues, your milk tea and your soul because even I almost didn’t make it to publish this...

Timeline

2008

Gavin enters high school.

2009

MC and Minor enter high school. MC does her hair in a nice ponytail, one of the only hairstyles she ever had in school.

Gavin is a grade above her. He is in his last year of high school. [Spring Festival Date]

Late Autumn of October 2010

“I noticed who you were before you ever noticed me.” 

On a rainy first day of school, Gavin helps Mr Keller move the tables and chairs in the classroom. 

Without taking an umbrella, Gavin leaves. 

At the same time, MC saves a cat in the rain with her handkerchief, attempting to shield it from the incoming rain under a roof. She gives it snacks from her bag while sheltering it from the rain. 

Gavin thinks she was nerdy-looking, but couldn't take his eyes off her and watches her from a distance for a long time. He feels out of place standing.

She looks back at him in astonishment, not knowing how long he stood for. 

She smiles at Gavin.

Gavin notes that MC’s smile just like her eyes, were pure and comforting as they start filling his vision. 

The rain starts to get heavier and MC shivers. 

Something stirred in Gavin’s heart as he notices this, and kicks a can in frustration then shelters her with his jacket. 

He runs away as MC shouts, “thank you!” 

She didn’t know it was Gavin who gave her his jacket at the time.

MC goes back and is then told by her fellow classmates that the boy she encountered was the “tyrant school bully”,  and “the Underworld Senior Gavin”, and that she should stay away from him. [Tilted Time- Rumours and Secrets]

-

MC finds piano dull to play the same songs over and over again.

MC in her spare time practices and sings to Liszt’s Liebestraum No. 3 (Love Dream) for a talent show.

At the rooftop, Gavin is wounded by a gangster’s knife. A gradually intensifying melody is heard. 

Gavin kicks the gangster boss but then is pursued again. Outnumbered, wounded and losing consciousness due to major blood loss, the gangster boss kicks Gavin off the roof. 

Gavin reaches out, to something- anything. 

A heavy, surging melody sounded, transcending through time and allows Gavin to reflect on his past- to his father, to his late mother, and invokes deep reflection and epiphanies. 

Heavy notes seep into Gavin’s ears as he almost hits rock bottom. He feels his limbs emerging with the wind and awakens his wind evol. 

Gavin is now reborn.

The music continued to play. Gavin ends up humming with a bird. 

He then hears MC’s singing.

MC stops, mesmerised by the ginkgo leaves flying through the wind. The ginkgo leaves falling was her favourite time of the year in high school. This vivid sight is still engraved in her memory after many years.

Gavin vows to protect her for the rest of his life. [Campus Date]

-

Gavin saved Minor from bullies. 

Minor also happens to be MC’s outgoing, talkative desk mate who sometimes helped old ladies cross the street. How he managed to hang around Gavin and not get beaten up, nobody knew (except us). He would often copy MC’s homework but never dragged her down with him if he got caught. This was MC’s biggest impression of him. 

During science class, MC cooked noodles for Minor on the Bunsen burner when he was hungry. The recipe was Shrimp flavoured instant noodles, mix two eggs in well, then add a dab of sea salt and black pepper. [S1 Chapter 7-1]

-

Gavin is always at the school gates at 7:30am. Carrying his flat school bag, he orders fish balls at the snack kiosk on the north side of the school. It was the third day in a row that Minor notices this. [Minor’s Memory Book]

Gavin would occasionally travel around on his bicycle. (Pre-debut Sparky??) He says he was good at riding it. [Lost Love Date]

It was hard to find Gavin as he’s rarely at school, so she didn’t see him until 3 days later when MC went to the library at sunset. 

She tries to retrieve “Byron’s Poetry Collection” from the top of a 2-metre shelf, and since Gavin was a head taller, he was able to help her get it. 

He musters up the introduction that he recited many times- but MC quickly thanks him and leaves before he could speak.

Minor notices Gavin watching after MC and that he was SMIL-ING. 

He helps him locate MC and reports that every day after school she would go to the library for afternoon revision, always sitting in the same seat. 

Gavin sat at a corner not far, quietly flipping through textbooks he hated. People who were reading in the library would be driven away because they were scared of him LOL

MC would then leave at 5pm sharp to go back home. 

Gavin commits to walking back 10 metres behind her with Minor every day on forward. [CN Tilted Time Rumours and Secrets] 

-

Gavin saves Minor from bullies again. Minor dedicates himself to be his “bro”. 

He finds out that MC is an honours student, but doesn’t know that she’s the school orchestra leader. [Mystery Wings Event] and [Mark Date] However, he does know that she’s renowned as the “campus belle/ school flower”.

Minor idly mentions that more people were giving MC love letters.

Gavin tells Minor to collect all the people who were planning to confess their love to MC. Minor doesn’t want to be wingman anymore HAHA

Gavin stared those boys down as they trembled with fear. He tells them to take them back and if they scare her, he’ll make them regret it. 

Minor realises Gavin’s feelings for MC. [Minor’s Memory Book] 

-

MC eats from a small stall outside the school gate selling red bean puffs. ($3 for one, $5 for two. What a deal!) 

She also encounters the stall that sells sugar figurines [Gift of Life- Sugar Figurine Call]

MC ate chocolate sticks often at school. It's also a memory of student life for Gavin, as well. [CN 2021 March Sign-In Taste of Happiness]

Students would scramble for the small swing set in the school garden. MC never went at lunch breaks, but she watches the sunset on it after school. Gavin is sometimes nearby. MC never noticed him, but she does however notice the ginkgo leaves dancing in the wind. [Mini House Small Happening- Leisure Time]

-

Gavin isn’t his usual self anymore. He sees MC out in the library everyday and starts reading “5 Years of College Examinations and 3 Years of Sample Questions” (book for colleague entrance examinations).

MC watches a basketball match at school. She calls someone from an away team “dashing” because they won with a dunk. This has been engraved in Gavin’s memory ever since. [Dreamers Date]

Gavin found out that he was very fond of basketball success stories, rushing into the court to try hundreds of shots after. He writes “I will beat you” beside Sakuragi Hanamichi from a Slam Dunk poster alongside “not a step back”.

(Slam Dunk starts out with a boy wanting to play basketball to impress his crush.)

Gavin then injures his head badly :(

He realises that basketball couldn’t help him to protect anything he wanted. He determines that he will do whatever it takes (to “beat” himself”). [Mystery Wings Event]

-

Gavin leans against a tree as he watches MC hurry down the corridor as she clutches a textbook. [Boundary Rumours and Secrets]

MC would eat pocky. Gavin would eat them too. [2021 March Sign-In Moments]

- 

MC faints during a sports meet because she didn’t eat breakfast.

Gavin hurries to carry her to the infirmary. [CN Delightful Search Date]

He leaves bread and milk before she wakes up.

-

MC is on duty during PE class, which happens to be on basketball. 

Minor was careless about his aim and the ball almost hit her in the head. Gavin slams the ball away. [Minor’s Memory Book]

Gavin glares at Minor as MC thanks him.

Minor also “accidentally” pushes MC towards him.

Gavin glares again.

Gavin later is continuously shooting hoops. 

MC returns late at night to clean up the gym but all had been returned neatly in the basket. MC wanted to thank him but couldn’t. [CN Basketball Court Date]

-

There was a school sports competition that they attended. Gavin participated in the 10 lap race and came first by an impressive large measure. [Minor’s Memory Book]

MC participates in the sprint race, too. Gavin is worried about her performance, and if she would faint again. 

Gavin requests Minor to take a photo of her on his phone (which probably ended up as the photo that he carried with him in his early days at special training where the other men teased him about hiding a photo of a girl.) 

Approaching the End of October 

Gavin, Minor and MC are walking home. 

The weather is cold, and Gavin notices MC shivering in the distance. Gavin, conflicted by this, tells Minor to buy MC a hot drink without telling her that it was from him. [CN Tilted Time Rumours and Secrets] 

MC would occasionally spot a hot drink or a carton of strawberry milk in the piano room. [Chapter 31-12]

-

Gavin one day is conflicted by their early exchange, recalling how MC looks startled at the entrance of the library after seeing each other. His spirit depletes, kicking himself (metaphorically) in the corner of the classroom at how he might have scared her. 

Minor rushes in with a pink bandaid from MC for the wound at his mouth. 

He carefully took that bandaid, treating it as if it was his world’s most precious treasure.

This pink bandaid was always taped on his heart and whenever he stepped into the swamp-like darkness of the night, it gave off a faint warmth. [Mystery Wings Event]

-

MC starts to notice Gavin everywhere. At the corners of windows, she would see his figure. At the library, he would help her retrieve books from higher places. She would also see books laid out on his table, but most of the time he would be sleeping. Beneath his overlapping arms, he sees “Byron’s Poetry Collection”. Gavin doesn’t understand the poems, though. 

Lord Byron's "Don Juan" - Canto the Ninth, XVI 

"To be, or not to be?" — Ere I decide I should be glad to know that which is being? 'Tis true — we speculate both far and wide, And deem, because we see, we are all-seeing; For my part, I'll enlist on neither side Until I see both sides for once agreeing; For me, I sometimes think that Life is Death,

-

At the music rehearsal room on the fifth floor, she would see a corner of his shirt in the wind. 

MC thinks Gavin is friendly and slowly lets down her guard. 

At the canteen, he would offer her the last bottle of water. 

She begins smiling at him when they see each other, with the small arcs forming on her lips, soon becoming smiles that made her eyes squint.

-

MC would walk along the Senior hallways and subconsciously stop at a certain classroom- catching the sight of Gavin sleeping. On one particular day, she sees him standing by the window, staring at the sky. 

-

Minor asks Gavin if he could form a band with him. Gavin rejects him. He then asks Gavin if he wanted to join the school’s singing competition. Gavin rejects him again, saying that he didn’t perform for unimportant people or have others tell him how well he could play.

MC plays “Falling Slowly” on the piano. Gavin hearing this, learns to play the guitar. He doesn’t know the name of the song but familiarises himself with the melody. [CN Music and the Past Call]

-

Whenever school let students out early, she would go to Lynn’s Kitchen. MC gets her noodles with clear broth, chopped scallions and a half-boiled egg. Gavin usually gets his spicy noodles with garlic, cilantro, thinly sliced beef.

Gavin remembers her favourite order. 

MC leaves a post-it note at Lynn’s Kitchen, “I might never see you again and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I miss you”, about a friend who transferred schools. 

Gavin knows she hates people who leave without saying goodbye the most.

Gavin, also in the vicinity near Lynn’s Kitchen, writes a post note.  “Until I met you.” [Mystery Box Game]

He saves Mr Noah’s son from an accident, immediately takes him to the hospital and pays for the medical fees. [Anime]

-

Gavin dismisses rumours of high school romance. 

“If you confessed on the 7th step of the stairway in the corner of the 3rd floor then it’ll succeed, or if you carved your name and another person’s name on the 6th tree in the courtyard at the back then your misunderstandings will be resolved, or if a guy gave the girl he liked the second button of his uniform on graduation day then the two of them will end up happy together.”

At lunch, he hears MC talking about the second button, and upon seeing her yearning face, he raises his head in thought, suddenly couldn’t wait for graduation. He tears off his second button. [Mystery Wings Event]

Gavin is just in love at this point.

-

Gavin sees one of the top students stealing money from a shop outside of school. The shopkeeper doesn’t believe him. 

He stops the student on his way home to hand him back the money. 

MC sees him at the alley then leaves.

Gavin spent all the money on a walkman he wanted for a very long time.

Mr Keller was the only one who believed in him. He said to him, “Since you can’t change what others think of you, you might as well just listen to your heart.” This had a great impact on Gavin. [Campus Date] 

Winter 

In the snowfall, the school allowed additional ten minutes of break time. The class next to MC’s stuffed Minor’s shirt with snowballs.

Gavin thought of helping him with a counterattack but MC had already returned a snowball to the male student who pulled the prank. 

Gavin looks at MC the whole time. [CN Recovery ASMR]

-

MC overheads girls in her class say that Gavin had bullied students for lunch money that morning. 

MC rides her bike back home after studying at the library for her finals. 

MC sees Gavin being handed an envelope full of money at Lynn’s Kitchen in an alleyway. 

She mistook it for him taking protection money. 

-

Summer of June 2011

On a humid afternoon, MC looks outside the window of the classroom in boredom. A boy in a loose-fitting school uniform ran by. She couldn’t make out his face. [S1 Chapter 7-23]

MC begins to distance herself from Gavin. She rushes out of class and goes straight home instead.

Gavin is sad. He broods by the piano room, goes to the library to brood, then stares at the place MC sits to brood some more. 

Minor wonders how he’s able to stare all afternoon at an empty space in the library but sleeps all day during class hours. [Minor’s Memory Book]

Before graduation, Gavin’s father expresses his thoughts for Gavin to join the organisation for special training. Gavin refuses, but his father uses MC to influence him to agree. 

Gavin remembers the panic and timidity in MC’s eyes when she first met him. He recalls that moment was probably the hardest to bear in his life.

Gavin in his short period of freedom writes a letter to MC. He ponders about what to say, thinking about their first encounter, and how she started to distance herself from him. But all he writes is-  

“Saturday 9am, I will be at the school library waiting for you.

-Gavin.”

-

MC attends the flag-raising ceremony and rehearses her speech. She then leaves to study for her exams. 

Meanwhile, Gavin finishes a fight with other boys from school in an alley after they talk inappropriately about MC. [Old Days Date]

Gavin, bloodied and bruised, asks Minor to make another copy of his letter. 

This is the only thing that Gavin had asked Minor to do so of course, he agreed. [Chapter 7-11]

Minor thinks the letter is a symbol of passion and fierce love due to the bloodstains and decides to keep the original. 

He writes “GAVIN” and places it on MC’s desk for her to see the next day. 

(In the Campus Date, the older MC is the one who finds him instead of Minor and treats him to his injuries. She ends up seeing the contents of the letter to find him later on.)

MC mistakes the letter as a threat and throws it away. 

That Weekend

Gavin sits for 14 hours in the library waiting for MC, scanning the library every now and then.

With a fingertip, he rubs “Byron’s Poetry Collection” and carefully sandwiches a dried and yellowed ginkgo leaf into the book. He suddenly felt a measure of self-deprecation.

He stands up, and leaves, his heart filled with regret that he didn’t give it to her personally. [CN Tilted Time Rumours and Secrets]

After Summer Break- July 

Minor never saw Gavin, and neither did MC. 

“We met often, but never passed by each other. I remember every moment I saw you in school. Time, location, weather, your expression, your clothes...

-I remember them all.”

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 3x2: The stakes have never been higher

I’ve been semi-off the grid for the past week or so, and will be even more off-the-grid for another, so I’m now so late to this episode, but from what I’ve been glimpsing during my very brief online presence, it seems quite a bit more promising than the first one. I just hope I’m not disappointed again. I’m putting off re-packing my suitcase for this. But, the thing is, waiting extra long to get here has sort of made me care more about the show again, so I suppose there’s that. Let’s dive in at last and see what this one’s got to offer.

‘Disney+’s Frozen: the Musical: the Series’? This season is entirely too meta and I love that! Also, EJ, they would totally call it that. I mean, they sort of already did once, not that you’d know… and now I sort of want season four to be about the characters becoming aware they’re, well, characters in a tv show… that would be something for real. And I’m only half-joking here.

Also, can we acknowledge how wholesome Portwell are being here? Love that for them. I refuse to take any part in any ship wars, besides, if you recall, I didn’t really see Portwell coming until halfway into season 2 (oblivious much?), but like, they’re the real deal. If we can’t have Redlyn or Seblos this season, at least there’s still them.

Idk why, but Maddox is just bothering me entirely too much. Which is a shame because I wanted to like her. But then again, I wanted to like ‘Napoleon over here’ (yes, I’m still calling him that, it’s now become part of honouring Big Red who first called him that) and then he severely disappointed me, so… I suppose the lesson which can be learnt here is ‘never get attached to a new character before you’ve seen them actually in the show’ or something…

I said it once before and I’ll say it again (and I’ll probably say it at least once an episode if things keep going in the same direction they are now) — Carlos is entirely too relatable this season. Not that he wasn’t before, but, come on, Broadway-diva-in-the-making Carlos Rodriguez in a summer camp setting? Hits different.

I am so intrigued by Jet though… like, I want to know more about him, and I want it now. Just give it to me already…

Kourtney without her phone is reminding me a lot of me in my last year of high school when I had to cut off flour and sugar from my diet in order to get into my prom dress… would not recommend. But yeah, I was fully just scenting bread whenever I went even where there was definitely none, and can I just say I feel for Kourt here…

Ashlyn saying Gina’s brought 1.0 to camp… sort of true, and it’s not like a little bit of that is a bad thing at all, or like she means it in a bad way. Like, come on, these two are sisters. They love each other. But Gina 2.5 is a Gina I’m liking a lot. And this season’s soundtrack is really pulling out all the stoppers, isn’t it? I feel like no matter how the other aspects of the show may get, the music is still going to be the best part of it all, and that’s saying a lot.

Ricky ‘rewinding’ himself was so funny and adorable and, like, embracing the obvious awkwardness of the moment… love that for him honestly. I feel like he’s on a good path this season and I’ll be back to liking him full time, not just occasionally.

‘Friends? Enemies? Lovers? *looks at camera*’ Ricky is fully giving bi energy here and I can’t say I (and about a few thousands more people on here) didn’t call it ages ago. Now can we please just make it happen?

Ok but Ricky and Gina at the sight of EJ and Val hugging reminded me a lot, for whatever reason, of Angelica and Laurens at the Hamilton wedding. I said what I said. Just… idk. That was the vibe I got for some reason.

And… suddenly I want to see tiny Val and EJ together in The Sound of Music… I love that show and I love the thought of these two as tiny little kids, being the best of friends and whatnot… just… add that to the list of scenes I’ll never see except for in my imagination, ok.

Ok but Maddox is just really getting on my nerves right now… it’s one thing being used to do things by yourself, but it’s another to rudely refuse any sort of help. What scares me the most about her, however, is that I feel like I’m seeing quite a bit of myself in her and I’m just not liking that at all. Like, I want to like her, and then I don’t, and then it’s because she reminds me of the side of me I’m still learning to love… an acquired taste, alright. Is it possible to be terribly annoyed by a character and still relate to them way too much? Because that’s where I’m at with Maddox right now.

‘… you’re not even friends. You’re the competition’… Now why would Gina say that… to her fans, too? Like, she might have gone through some stuff and learnt a few lessons along the way, but they’ve not been through what she’s been through. What if they mess things up royally because of her words of advice? But hey, that’s a solid reminder that Gina is still just a kid, too, and she’s got a lot to learn yet.

EJ embracing his inner Miss Jenn is… well, something I didn’t know I was supposed to expect, but then, is it a season of HSMTMTS if the director doesn’t circle everyone up and sing a song from the show they’re doing in the highest pitch they’re capable of? Or… or if Ricky doesn’t show up late with a bang? I think Carlos put it best here, in another one of his highly-quotable one-liners: ‘Now that’s tradition!’ Enough said.

I was going to comment on individual performances during this audtition montage, but… how could I single anyone out? Everybody is just lovely and, like, I came prepared with a cast list but I don’t know anymore… except… Alex and Emmy are 100% young Elsa and Anna and you can’t convince me otherwise.

One thing other than the music which I’m loving about this season is definitely the guest stars. I mean, Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Nini’s donor wasn’t something I wanted or expected or anything, but now that I’ve got it, I’m just curious to see the dynamics. And the contractually obligated awkwardness is there, but it’s sort of a positive, embraced awkwardness. I said last time that I didn’t care much about Nini’s story this season and that was because I thought they’d be basically just replicating Olivia’s own, but it seems I’ve underestimated this show’s potential in terms of storylines. I like this much more than a 100% focus on her music or whatever. That might be a bit of a controversial opinion, but it’s my opinion and I’ll stand by it until I don’t believe in it anymore… if that ever happens.

So… let me get this straight (or, like, as straight as possible when there are exclusively queer people involved) — Marvin and Nini’s mums were in a band together? Well, then, you can say it runs in the family, indeed. See, now that makes any music-related Nini storyline that much more interesting to me.

Pls… Jet arriving an hour late to the auditions and everyone just supporting him, no questions asked (shout-out to Ricky and Ashlyn especially)? I’m not crying, you’re crying! And I love his vocals, too. But in a show like this, that was a given.

‘He’s like a little Ricky’. Couldn’t have said it better myself. And… proud big brother (?) Ricky is my new favourite Ricky.

I love it so much when songs tie so inseparably into the context of their scene in the show… and You Never Know has definitely got that going for it. I mean, the first verse mirroring what Marvin told Nini, and then the title being the same as The University Clowns’ one big hit… I love that for it. And the music in this season continues to be top-notch.

Pls Ashlyn’s got a BATB rose? Love that so much!! It’s just a nice detail, you know. Also, it makes me wonder if maybe Big Red gave it to her?

Has… has Gina defending Maddox got to do anything with the fact that, out of all three Wildcat girls, she’s the only one Maddox hasn’t been vaguely rude to yet? And what… what was Maddox up to in the dark? I need details and I need them now. And I want to know what it is in the cast list that Carlos refuses to let happen… I suppose I’ll have to spend another week barely-online, waiting to find out… I sort of like it how life is making me more interested in HSMTMTS by taking it away from me for the 2nd week in a row. But I hope this next one will be the last one like this.

[illfoandillfie]

Pls just more Ben smut, any idea that comes to mind for the blurbs thingy, all your work are some of my favs and there can never be enough Benny 😫🥵😍

ahhhh thank you! And you’re so right, there can never be enough Benny.

This idea has been in my head for the last week-ish, so i decided to use it and ended up writing like 2.7k for it lmao i hope you like it!

warnings: Smut, dollification, dom!ben, oral (m receiving), and a little bit of biting

Advent Blurbs: Day 12

“Urgh, what else is on?” Ben asked, juggling his dinner plate as he reached for the TV remote. He flicked through some channels but it all looked as boring as the rest. Finally, he settled on the second half of an episode of Britain’s Got Talent. It wasn’t what you usually watched but Ben had already said he didn’t want to get invested in anything on Netflix because he had some work to do after dinner and didn’t want to be distracted from it. It was partway through an act when you switched it on, some sort of acrobatics thing, mildly impressive but not so much that you couldn’t talk through it between bites of your food. The next act was a very pitchy singer and the one after the ad break was some sort of magic act, but you barely noticed them. Ben certainly didn’t have any issues with ignoring the show in favour of your conversation either. Until a woman stepped out on stage dressed up in a puffy skirt with a wind up gear on her back. She danced, her movements intentionally stiff as if she were a music box doll that had escaped. Ben was entranced, his fork hovering above his plate as if he’d forgotten he was about to take a bite. His eyes never left the screen for the entirety of the performance. You were more amused by Ben’s reaction than the performance itself but as the dancing came to an end and Ben returned to his senses you agreed with his appraisal of her.

“She was good,” he said, adjusting his plate over his lap.

Ben ate a few more bites before taking his dishes to the kitchen. He dropped a kiss to the top of your head as he passed back through the living room.

“I’ll be in the study if you need me.”

You nodded and reached for the remote to find something better to watch.

 You didn’t see Ben again until you were heading to bed though at one point you got up to use the bathroom and heard a muffled groan from behind the closed door to the study. You figured he was grappling with a particularly difficult script or something like that and left him to it. As you were settling into bed with a book, Ben entered the room. He joined you on the bed but plucked the book from your hands as he kissed you. 

You broke off with a breathless sort of laugh, “what was that for?”

“Can I not just kiss my girlfriend for the hell of it?”

“I s’pose that’s allowed,” you giggled as Ben caught your lips again. But Ben was clearly in the mood for more than a kiss, nipping at your neck as he settled on top of you. And it didn’t take him long at all to get your pants off.

Both of you slept well that night and you thought nothing of it until a couple of days later.

 You were watching TV again while Ben was out with some friends but looked around at the sound of the door opening.

“How was it?” you asked as Ben dropped onto the couch beside you.

“Yeah great. Had a few games of poker which was fun.”

“You win any?”

“Not one,” he laughed, “But I di-” Ben paused, his attention drawn to the TV as an ad for Britain’s Got Talent started. It featured clips from the doll dancer’s performance and once again Ben seemed to be completely entranced by it for the duration of the ad. They showed her doing a move that involved lifting her leg up high and Ben let out a soft groan. You waited for the ad to finish and Ben’s attention to shift back to you. 

“What was I saying?” he asked, giving his head a little shake.

“Do you think she’s hot?”

“What?”

“The girl dressed as a doll.” You clarified.

“Babe, no,”

“No, I’m not upset. You’re allowed to find other women attractive. I’m just curious cause every time she’s on screen you sort of get lost in it.”

“No, it’s not her, not exactly,”

“What does that mean?”

Ben filled his cheeks with air and slowly let it out, “It’s the way she’s dressed.”

You waited for him to explain further. 

“You know Jessie in Toy Story 2? I had a pretty big crush on her as a kid and then as a teenager it kind of sparked a few, um, well… I got off to her a lot.”

You had to giggle at that and Ben laughed softly too, his cheeks flushed. 

“Yeah, kinda silly but it started cause she was a cute cowgirl and I was horny all the time and so it was just like the natural thing to do.  But then, as I learnt more about sex, I started thinking about fucking her too. And it all kind of snowballed.”

“So that’s why you think the doll dancer is hot? Cause of Toy Story?”

“Kind of. There’s a bit more to it. See, um, one of my mates from high school had a hot older sister. Red hair she used to wear in a plait. Might have had the hots for her cause she reminded me of Jessie. So then I started getting off to the thought of fucking her. Except there was all this doll stuff mixed up in there too.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Like the idea of posable limbs and, um… Cause with Jessie, right, she’s a soft ragdoll type of doll, yeah? So a lot of what I’d imagined with her was like a human sized version of her that would lie there like a limp ragdoll while I fucked her. And that was sort of where it started with the idea of the hot sister but then I hit phases where I thought about other sorts of dolls more. As a joke one Christmas my brother got me a off brand Barbie so after that in the fantasies she’d be like a posable plastic doll who I could position how I wanted. Sometimes it was like a wind up doll who had limited movement when I wound her up. Sometimes she’d have a voicebox and I’d press a button or pull a string and she’d say something dirty, ask for it harder or moan or whatever.” Ben looked at you nervously, “I know it’s weird. But…yeah.”

“It’s not that weird,” you said, grabbing his hand between both of yours, “I think I kind of get why it’d be hot. Would, um, would you ever want to do that with me?”

“Babe, you don’t have to do that. I only mentioned it because you asked, I wasn’t trying to get you into it or anything.”

“No, I know. But would you? If I wanted to would you be into that?”

“Well, yeah, I would be into it. I mean, not gonna lie I have kind of thought about it before.”

“Really? Dressing me up and posing me?”

“Yeah,”

“That’s kinda hot,” you giggled again and Ben seemed to relax.

“I’m glad you don’t think it’s too weird, but I’m serious, you don’t have to indulge this idea at all.”

“Okay. Thank you for telling me though.” You pulled him down into a soft kiss that you hoped would reassure him that you weren’t freaked out by his confession, but already your mind was spinning with ideas.

 The next day you dug through your wardrobe and found your most suitably doll like dress. It wasn’t as ruffled as the dancer’s skirt had been but it was short and felt like something a slutty doll might wear. You decided to forgo underwear since most dolls didn’t have them and slipped the dress over your head. Following a youtube tutorial, you did your make up so your eyes would look bigger and doll like and used a soft pink lipstick to shape your lips before adding a little blush to your cheeks. You gave your hair a brush through to make sure it was smooth and then took a seat on the edge of the bed, holding yourself stiff with your hands in your lap, and called out to Ben.

You heard his footsteps approaching and then the bedroom door swung open.

“Oh my god,”

You had to bite your cheek to keep from smiling too much.

Ben took a few tentative steps towards you and then stopped, taking in the sight, “I can’t believe you did this,” he said softly, “fuck I’m lucky.” He stepped closer, running his fingers though the hair around your ear. You shivered slightly as his fingers traced along your jaw, coming to rest at your chin. He tilted your head up and leaned down to kiss you softly.

It was hard to sit still as Ben ran his hands down your shoulders and towards your breasts. He spent a while just fondling you, squeezing your breasts and tweaking your nipples. You could feel your nipples stiffening and fought the urge to arch your back and push your chest against his hands, though you couldn’t quite hide the soft whine the rose up at the attention. Ben didn’t mind though. You saw him smile at the sound, and the tent in the front of his pants was evidence enough that he liked your surprise.

“What should I do with you?” he muttered to himself as he began to undress down to his boxers. He stepped in close again once the extra layers had been removed and placed a hand on the back of your head, pushing you towards his crotch. A damp patch had already begun to form on the front of his pants and it only grew as he rubbed his clothed cock against your face. You focused on breathing to keep from moving though all you could smell was his musky arousal. When he finally sat you back you unconsciously licked your lips, able to taste his precum on them.

“Let’s stand you up Doll,” he said, pulling you to your feet and repositioning your legs so they were parted a little wider. He moved your arms too, still bent at the elbow but raised higher so he could freely lift your dress. The sight of your bare pussy pulled a growl from Ben and he wasted no more time, licking his fingers and rubbing them along your slit. You were already a little wet (it surprised you just how much of a turn on the whole thing was) but the way he roughly grabbed your arse in one hand as his other explored your cunt soon had you even wetter. He pressed the heel of his hand against your clit as he teased your entrance with his fingertips, sinking them in and pulling them out again.

“That’s a good fuck doll,” he said as he pressed his fingers deeper and you bit back a moan. When he was satisfied that you were ready he pulled his hands away. Turning you around he repositioned your limbs again, unfolding your arms so they stuck out in front of you. He pressed on your back, bending you forward at the waist so your arms were braced against the mattress and readjusted your legs. You waited, trying to keep steady and not whine as you listened to his underwear drop. And then he was right behind you, one hand on your hip as he slid into your cunt. You hadn’t realised just how into it Ben would be but the whole doll scenario had turned him feral. He didn’t give you much time to adjust, just started fucking you hard as growling noises rose in his throat. One of his hands moved to your hair, holding it in a vice like grip as he leaned forward and bit down on your shoulder. You gasped at the sudden spike of pain but it was gone half a second later, the imprint of his teeth left as evidence. Your legs shook with the effort of holding your position and the force of Ben’s thrusts. Suddenly you felt empty as he disappeared from your cunt. He wrapped his arms around your waist and nearly threw you onto the bed, making you squeal in surprise. He pushed you onto your back and repositioned you so that one leg was strait up in the air, the other bent towards you and both of your hands placed on it to hold it. He leaned against the edge of the bed, placing one knee onto the mattress so he could sink into you again, letting you rest the leg that was in the air against his shoulder. He didn’t reach quite as deep as he had when you’d been standing but the position let him watch your face. You kept it as impassive as possible though you couldn’t keep from opening your mouth and moaning as he dropped his thumb to your clit. He leaned forward, pressing your legs closer to your body as he fucked you.

“Cum for me Doll,” he commanded, pressing harder against your clit, “cum all over my cock.”

It didn’t take much longer for you to reach your release, moaning as Ben kept fucking you. He pulled out of you again and readjusted you once more, pushing your arms aside as he pulled  you to sit up, bringing your head forward. He squeezed your cheeks to keep your mouth open as pressed his cock between your lips.

“Taste yourself Doll.” He pushed you further down his length until you gagged and then pulled back out again, gripping your hair and rubbing your face against his cock, smearing your face with saliva and your own juices, before slipping it into your mouth once more. “Taste all that creamy cum you made,” he snapped his hips forward, fucking into you, his cock twitching against your tongue as he neared his own orgasm. He growled again as he came, replacing the taste of you with his own.

 You weren’t sure if he’d want to do more so you sat there, cum pooled on your tongue, keeping yourself as still as possible though breathing heavier than before, waiting to be moved around again. Ben tentatively sat beside you on the edge of the bed and stoked your hair again, watching closely.

“I’m done,” he said softly, “You don’t need to be a doll anymore.”

You sighed and stood, reaching for the box of tissues that lived on your nightstand.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked, biting his lip, “Sorry if that was too much, I shouldn’t have told you about it.”

You shook your head before pressing a tissue to your lips and spitting the cum into it, “Ben I’m okay, I promise. You know I don’t like swallowing.”

“Oh,” he gave you a shy smile and a small laugh, “Yeah, should have realised.”

You took the place beside him again, entwining your fingers with his as you leaned your head on his shoulder.

“So, you really are okay? That wasn’t too much?”

“Are you kidding? That was so fucking hot!” you laughed and lifted your head to look at him, “I’m very very very glad you told me.”

“And I wasn’t too rough? I mean I bit you, are you sure that was alright?”

“Ben, stop worrying. That was a big part of what made it so hot. You don’t get rough very often so seeing you like that, feeling you grab me and position me and all that, was fun.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes! You know I’d tell you if it didn’t feel good. I’ll just have to make sure I don’t wear anything sleeveless until the mark clears up.”

He laughed again and wrapped and arm around your waist to pull you in close, “That makes me feel a lot better. Thank you for doing that for me too, you’re an incredible girlfriend.”

“I am,” you bumped his shoulder with yours, “but you’re an incredible boyfriend too.”

Ben kissed you again but this time you kissed back, glad you were able to.

“We should probably clean up, babe,”

You nodded and stood up, hand still in Ben’s, pulling him along with you as you headed to the bathroom, “Next time we should try the ragdoll thing,”

“Next time?”

“Well I assume you’ll want to do it again. I definitely do.”

[ladydarklord]

The Mighty Boosh on the business of being silly

The Times, November 15 2008

What began as a cult cocktail of daft poems, surreal characters and fantastical storylines has turned into the comedy juggernaut that is the Mighty Boosh. Janice Turner hangs out with creators Noel Fielding, Julian Barratt and the extended Boosh family to discuss the serious business of being silly

In the thin drizzle of a Monday night in Sheffield, a crowd of young women are waiting for the Mighty Boosh or, more precisely, one half of it. Big-boned Yorkshire lasses, jacketless and unshivering despite the autumn nip, they look ready to devour the object of their desire, the fey, androgynous Noel Fielding, if he puts a lamé boot outside the stage door. “Ooh, I do love a man in eyeliner,” sighs Natalie from Rotherham. She’ll be throwing sickies at work to see the Boosh show 13 times on their tour, plus attend the Boosh after-show parties and Boosh book signings. “My life is dead dull without them,” she says.

Nearby, mobiles primed, a pair of sixth-formers trade favourite Boosh lines. “What is your name?” asks Jessica. “I go by many names, sir,” Victoria replies portentously. A prison warden called Davena survives long days with high-security villains intoning, “It’s an outrage!” in the gravelly voice of Boosh character Tony Harrison, a being whose head is a testicle.

Apart from Fielding, what they all love most about the Boosh is that half their mates don’t get it. They see a bloke in a gorilla suit, a shaman called Naboo, silly rhymes about soup, stories involving shipwrecked men seducing coconuts “and they’re like, ‘This is bloody rubbish,’” says Jessica. “So you feel special because you do get it. You’re part of a club.”

Except the Mighty Boosh club is now more like a movement. What began as an Edinburgh fringe show starring Fielding and his partner Julian Barratt and later became an obscure BBC3 series has grown into a box-set flogging, mega-merchandising, 80-date touring Boosh inc. There was a Boosh festival last summer, now talk of a Boosh movie and Boosh in America. An impasse seems to have been reached: either the Boosh will expand globally or, like other mass comedy cults before it – Vic and Bob, Newman and Baddiel – slowly begin to deflate.

But for the moment, the fans still wait in the rain for heroes who’ve already left the building. I find the Boosh gang gathered in their hotel bar, high on post-gig adrenalin. Barratt, blokishly handsome with his ring-master moustache, if a tad paunchy these days, blends in with the crew. But Fielding is never truly “off”. All day he has been channelling A Clockwork Orange in thick black eyeliner (now smudged into panda rings) and a bowler hat, which he wears with polka-dot leggings, gold boots and a long, neon-green fur-collared PVC trenchcoat. He has, as those women outside put it, “something about him”: a carefully-wrought rock-god danger mixed with an amiable sweetness. Sexy yet approachable. Which is why, perched on a barstool, is a great slab of security called Danny.

“He stops people getting in our faces,” says Fielding. “He does massive stars like P. Diddy and Madonna and he says that considering how we’re viewed in the media as a cult phenomenon, we get much more attention in the street than, say, Girls Aloud. Danny says we’re on the same level as Russell Brand, who can’t walk from the door to the car without ten people speaking to him.”

This barometer of fame appears to fascinate and thrill Fielding. Although he complains he can’t eat dinner with his girlfriend (Dee Plume from the band Robots in Disguise) unmolested, he parties hard and publicly with paparazzi-magnets like Courtney Love and Amy Winehouse. He claims he’s tried wearing a baseball cap but fans still recognise him. Hearing this, Julian Barratt smiles wryly: “Noel is never going to dress down.”

It is clear on meeting them that their Boosh characters Vince Noir (Fielding), the narcissistic extrovert, and Howard Moon (Barratt), the serious, socially awkward jazz obsessive, are comic exaggerations of their own personalities. At the afternoon photo shoot, Fielding breaks free of the hair and make-up lady, sprays most of a can of Elnett on to his Bolan feather-cut and teases it to his satisfaction. Very Vince. “It is an art-life crossover,” says Barratt.

At 40, five years older than Fielding, Barratt exhibits the profound weariness of a man trying to balance a five-month national tour with new-fatherhood. After every Saturday night show he returns home to his 18-month-old twins, Arthur and Walter, and his partner Julia Davis (the creator-star of Nighty Night) and today he was up at 5am pushing a pram on Hampstead Heath before taking the train north to rejoin the Boosh. “I go back so the boys remember who I am. But it’s harder to leave them every time,” he says. “It is totally schizophrenic, totally opposite mental states: all this self-obsession and then them.”

About two nights a week on tour, Fielding doesn’t go to bed, parties through the night and performs the next evening having not slept at all. Barratt often retreats to his room to plough through box sets of The Wire. “It’s a bit gritty, but that is in itself an escape, because what we do is so fantastical.”

But mostly it is hard to resist the instant party provided by a large cast, crew and band. Indeed, drinking with them, it appears Fielding and Barratt are but the most famous members of a close collective of artists, musicians and old mates. Fielding’s brother Michael, who previously worked in a bowling alley, plays Naboo the shaman. “He is late every single day,” complains Noel. “He’s mad and useless, but I’m quite protective of him, quite parental.” Michael is always arguing with Bollo the gorilla, aka Fielding’s best mate, Dave Brown, a graphic artist relieved to remove his costume – “It’s so hot in there I fear I may never father children” – to design the Boosh book. One of the lighting crew worked as male nanny to Barratt’s twins and was in Michael’s class at school: “The first time I met you,” he says to Noel, “you gave me a dead arm.” “You were 9,” Fielding replies. “And you were messing with my stuff.”

This gang aren’t hangers-on but the wellspring of the Boosh’s originality and its strange, homespun, degree-show aesthetic: a character called Mr Susan is made out of chamois leathers, the Hitcher has a giant Polo Mint for an eye. When they need a tour poster they ignore the promoter’s suggestions and call in their old mate, Nige.

Fielding and Barratt met ten years ago at a comedy night in a North London pub. The former had just left Croydon Art College, the latter had dropped out of an American Studies degree at Reading to try stand-up, although he was so terrified at his first gig that he ran off stage and had to be dragged back by the compere.

While superficially different, their childhoods have a common theme: both had artistic, bohemian parents who exercised benign neglect. Fielding’s folks were only 17 when he was born: “They were just kids really. Hippies. Though more into Black Sabbath and Led Zep. There were lots of parties and crazy times. They loved dressing up. And there was a big gap between me and my brother – about nine years – so I was an only child for a long time, hanging out with them, lots of weird stuff going on.

“The great thing about my mum and dad is they let me do anything I wanted as a kid as long as I wasn’t misbehaving. I could eat and go to bed when I liked. I used to spend a lot of time drawing and painting and reading. In my own world, I guess.”

Growing up in Mitcham, South London, his father was a postmaster, while his mother now works for the Home Office. Work was merely the means to fund a good time. “When your dad is into David Bowie, how do you rebel against that? You can’t really. They come to all the gigs. They’ve been in America for the past three weeks. I’m ringing my mum really excited because we’re hanging out with Jim Sheridan, who directed In the Name of the Father, and the Edge from U2, and she said, ‘We’re hanging with Jack White,’ whom they met through a friend of mine. Trumped again!”

Barratt’s father was a Leeds art teacher, his mother an artist later turned businesswoman. “Dad was a bit more strict and academic. Mum would let me do anything I wanted, didn’t mind whether I went to school.” Through his father he became obsessed with Monty Python, went to jazz and Spike Milligan gigs, learnt about sex from his dad’s leatherbound volumes of Penthouse.

Barratt joined bands and assumed he would become a musician (he does all the Boosh’s musical arrangements); Fielding hoped to become an artist (he designed the Boosh book cover and throughout our interview sketches obsessively). Instead they threw their talents into comedy. Barratt: “It is a great means of getting your ideas over instantly.” Fielding: “Yes, it is quite punk in that way.”

Their 1998 Edinburgh Fringe show called The Mighty Boosh was named, obscurely, after a friend’s description of Michael Fielding’s huge childhood Afro: “A mighty bush.” While their double-act banter has an old-fashioned dynamic, redolent of Morecambe and Wise, the show threw in weird characters and a fantasy storyline in which they played a pair of zookeepers. They are very serious about their influences. “Magritte, Rousseau...” says Fielding. “I like Rousseau’s made-up worlds: his jungle has all the things you’d want in a jungle, even though he’d never been in one so it was an imaginary place.”

Eclectic, weird and, crucially, unprepared to compromise their aesthetic sensibilities, it was 2004 before, championed by Steve Coogan’s Baby Cow production company, their first series aired on BBC3. Through repeats and DVD sales the second series, in which the pair have left the zoo and are living above Naboo’s shop, found a bigger audience. Last year the first episode of series three had one million viewers. But perhaps the Boosh’s true breakthrough into mainstream came in June when George Bush visited Belfast and a child presented him with a plant labelled “The Mighty Bush”. Assuming it was a tribute to his greatness, the president proudly displayed it for the cameras, while the rest of Britain tittered.

A Boosh audience these days is quite a mix. In Sheffield the front row is rammed with teenage indie girls, heavy on the eyeliner, who fancy Fielding. But there are children, too: my own sons can recite whole “crimps” (the Boosh’s silly, very English version of rap) word for word. And there are older, respectable types who, when I interview them, all apologise for having such boring jobs. They’re accountants, IT workers, human resources officers and civil servants. But probe deeper and you find ten years ago they excelled at art A level or played in a band, and now puzzle how their lives turned out so square. For them, the Boosh embody their former dreams. And their DIY comedy, shambolic air, the slightly crap costumes, the melding of fantasy with the everyday, feels like something they could still knock up at home.

Indeed, many fans come to gigs in costume. At the Mighty Boosh Festival 15,000 people came dressed up to watch bands and absurdity in a Kent field. And in Sheffield I meet a father-and-son combo dressed as Howard Moon and Bob Fossil – general manager of the zoo – plus a gang of thirty-something parents elaborately attired as Crack Fox, Spirit of Jazz, a granny called Nanageddon, and Amy Housemouse. “I love the Boosh because it’s total escapism,” says Laura Hargreaves, an employment manager dressed as an Electro Fairy. “It’s not all perfect and people these days worry too much that things aren’t perfect. It’s just pure fun.”

But how to retain that appealingly amateur art-school quality now that the Boosh is a mega comedy brand? Noel Fielding is adamant that they haven’t grown cynical, that The Mighty Book of Boosh was a long-term project, not a money-spinner chucked out for Christmas: “There is a lot of heart in what we do,” he says. Barratt adds: “It’s been hard this year to do everything we’ve wanted, to a standard we’re proud of... Which is why we’re worn to shreds.”

Comedy is most powerful in intimate spaces, but the Boosh show, with its huge set, requires major venues. “We’ve lost money every day on the tour,” says Fielding. “The crew and the props and what it costs to take them on the road – it’s ridiculous. Small gigs would lose millions of pounds.”

The live show is a kind of Mighty Boosh panto, with old favourites – Bob Fossil, Bollo, Tony Harrison, etc – coming on to cheers of recognition. But it lacks the escapism to the perfectly conceived world of the TV show. They have told the BBC they don’t want a fourth series: they want a movie. They would also, as with Little Britain USA, like a crack at the States, where they run on BBC America. Clearly the Boosh needs to keep evolving or it will die.

Already other artists are telling Fielding and Barratt to make their money now: “They say this is our time, which is quite frightening.” I recall Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer, who dominated the Nineties with Big Night Out and Shooting Stars. “Yes, they were massive,” says Fielding. “A number one record...” And now Reeves presents Brainiac. “If you have longer-term goals, it’s not scary,” says Barratt. “To me, I’m heading somewhere else – to direct, make films, write stuff – and at the moment it’s all gone mental. I’m sort of enjoying this as an outsider. It was Noel who had this desire to reach more people.”

Indeed, the old cliché that comedy is the new rock’n’roll is closest to being realised in Noel Fielding. Watching him perform the thrash metal numbers in the Boosh live show, he is half ironic comic performer, half frustrated rock god. His heroes weren’t comics but androgynous musicians: Jagger, Bowie, Syd Barrett. (Although he liked Peter Cook’s style and looks.)

“I like clothes and make-up, I like the transformation,” he says. Does it puzzle him that women find this so sexually attractive? “I was reading a book the other day about the New York Dolls and David Johansen was saying that none of them were gay or even bisexual, and that when they started dressing in stilettos and leather pants, women got it straight away with no explanation. But a lot of men had problems. It’s one of those strange things. A man will go, ‘You f***ing queer.’ And you just think, ‘Well, your girlfriend fancies me.’”

The Boosh stopped signing autographs outside stage doors when it started taking two hours a night. At recent book signings up to 1,500 people have shown up, some sleeping overnight in the queue. And on this tour, the Boosh took control of the after-show parties, once run as money-spinners by the promoters, and now show up in person to do DJ slots. I ask if they like to meet their fans, and they laugh nervously.

Fielding: “We have to be behind a fence.”

Barratt: “They try to rip your clothes off your body.”

Fielding: “The other day my girlfriend gave me this ring. And, doing the rock numbers at the end, I held out my hands and the crowd just ripped it off.”

Barratt: “I see it as a thing which is going to go away. A moment when people are really excited about you. And it can’t last.”

He recalls a man in York grabbing him for a photo, saying, “I’d love to be you, it must be so amazing.” And Barratt says he thought, “Yes, it is. But all the while I was trying to duck into this doorway to avoid the next person.” He’s trying to enjoy the Boosh’s moment, knows it will pass, but all the same?

In the hotel bar, a young woman fan has dodged past Danny and comes brazenly over to Fielding. Head cocked attentively like a glossy bird, he chats, signs various items, submits to photos, speaks to her mate on her phone. The rest of the Boosh crew eye her steelily. They know how it will end. “You have five minutes then you go,” hisses one. “I feel really stupid now,” says the girl. It is hard not to squirm at the awful obeisance of fandom. But still she milks the encounter, demands Fielding come outside to meet her friend. When he demurs she is outraged, and Danny intercedes. Fielding returns to his seat slightly unsettled. “What more does she want?” he mutters, reaching for his wine glass. “A skin sample?”