#except we all know what the howling is REALLY about

[spookymystery67]

I Wish I Could Walk in Heels

AN: Alright, finally got this one done! It's a longer chapter than what I've been putting out recently so I hope you all enjoy it. Take it as an apology to make up for my slacking. I had planned to get it done in October, but then I got really hyperfixated on the live action and anime One Piece (still am to be honest). About 109 episodes in on the anime and have A LOT more to go lol. Anyways, enjoy!

Ps, this chapter is a little angsty. Little bit. At least I think it is. Also has gun violence and typical RE stuff. I noticed I gave up on the TW so hope none of you got traumatized. I don't think I write anything too crazy. We should all know what we've signed up for by now, right?

Chapter 23:

“My, you are a popular one, Luis.”

Ada's comment rang very true. Your eyes struggled to see through the harsh rain from the storm that seemed to appear so suddenly. Even so, you could still see the torches and hear the angry chanting of the villagers surrounding the house you and Ada were supposed to meet Luis at. If you had to guess, nearly every infected citizen of Los Iluminados was in attendance of your little get together.

“I don't remember inviting them to the party.” You half-heartedly joked as you ran along Ada's side, falling slightly behind her once you reached a rickety old, wood and rope bridge that groaned and creaked too much for comfort. “You?”

Your love huffed a weak smile, but could not respond when a sudden and harsh shake of the ground shook the fragile bridge and sent you both scrambling for something stable to balance and hold on to, so as to not fall to your doom.

Another shake. 

You both glanced behind you.

Another. 

This time closer. Something big is coming.

Ada tightly grabbed hold of you for what seemed like the millionth time in one night, grappling you both to the closest and safest roof top and off the bridge. This, somehow, gathered the attention of some of the villagers.

You stared in disbelief at the snarling giant that walked into the, already chaotic, scene. 

“What in the actual fuck is that?” Even with all your prior experience with what should be impossible creatures, you are still somehow always shocked and horrified by something new. 

At least you were never bored.

The giant took notice of you and Ada, before charging in your direction. Ada took action and zipped the two of you off of the roof of the now destroyed house, landing you both safely on the ground. The giant yelled angrily at missing, and turned around to face you once more.

“You deal with the villagers while I handle this?” Ada muttered to you, grappling hook in hand and ready to swing on the houses to avoid the creature while simultaneously weakening it.

Noting your inability to deal with such a huge foe, you nodded in agreement. “Be safe.” 

She squeezed your hip in acknowledgment before fully pulling away. “You as well, dear.”

With that, she turned to face the giant head on. “Sorry big guy. Can't let you go that way.” 

And off she went to fight and distract the giant from getting to the house. While she did that, you ran to a safe distance away from the crushing footsteps and the crumbling houses, picking off the infected stragglers that roamed the area as swiftly and quietly as possible. 

You didn't want Ada to have more on her plate than she already has.

Quiet wasn't an issue. If anything managed to hear you over the chanting villagers, roaring giant, and the howling wind and rain, you'd be genuinely surprised. And maybe even a little impressed.

Eventually, the giant fell on top of the two remaining villagers you didn't get to, dead. All was silent at last, with the exception of the pouring rain that was turning into more of a light drizzle, showing some sign of slowing down for at least a little while.

You saw Ada from afar walking towards the giant corpse. A pang of worry went through you when you saw how angry she visibly was. This wasn't normal Ada behavior. She usually managed to keep her emotions in check during missions. 

The closer you walked, you noticed a wiggling creature on the giant's back, a parasite if you had to guess. It moved like it wanted to get away from its dead host. Away from Ada.

Ada stomped her heeled boot onto the creature to lessen its writhing. She took out her pistol and aimed it at the creature. “Now stay down.” 

One. Two. Three gunshots rang out into the stormy night air. The parasite went limp and Ada gave one final kick of annoyance to the felled creature, tucking her gun away before she faced you fully.

“You alright?” You asked her, doing your best to mask your concern so as to not anger her further. She was clearly in a sort of fragile state at the moment. And you knew the infection had part of, if not everything, to do with it. She took a deep breath before nodding a yes.

“I was getting a little annoyed, but now I'm good. Let's go.” She beckoned, leading you away from the giant. “Sweet dreams.” She snarked to the corpse as you left.

More than a little annoyed. That much was clear as day. Every plan and action took during this mission has led to one problem after another. And everything with Wesker and whatever the dangerous virus was coursing through her veins did not help. 

You weren't sure how much time she had left before the virus took full control of her. Ada appeared to become more and more anxious about it too, as time went on and it seemed no progress was really made in retrieving the Amber. 

Still, you kept quiet. You didn't want to further irritate her. And if she didn't want to talk, then you weren't going to force her. 

Your thoughts were put on hold when you saw Luis safely strolling down the path just below the rock formation you and Ada were waiting on. He noticed you both and with a look of relief he sped walked toward you.

“Luis! Glad to see you made it out of that mess safe.” You called out with a grin. He smiled back at your genuine enthusiasm.

“Oh, that? That was nothing, Sénorita.” He gestured behind himself with a careless wave, as if he didn't just get away from a swarm of probably one hundred infected people looking for blood. As if he's dealt with bigger, worse things at some point and this was just a walk in the park. He smirked at your look of disbelief. “Got a smoke?” 

“I do. The kind you like.” Ada remarked, though she made no move to hand over the pack of cigarettes he earlier abandoned with radio numbers written down to get into contact again. 

“Now, where is the Amber?” Ada questioned, done with the pleasantries and wanting to finish the business at hand.

“Unfortunately, it's not on me at the moment.” He sighed as he walked forward and began to attempt a climb up the rocks to get to you both, grunting with the effort. “And you really should be telling me what-” He paused, huffing from the exertion, before continuing.

“What a good job I did. Busted my ass and managed to hide it right before I got caught. Which,” He stumbled during the climb, but saved himself from slipping. “Is why I'm still alive!”

His triumphant tone made the corners of your mouth tug upward in amusement, but it quickly turned into a frown once you glanced to your left and saw how his words affected the already on edge Ada. Hopefully she won't do anything extreme.

He had nearly made the climb, but still reached his hand out for additional assistance from one of you. You went to help, but Ada stopped you with a gentle hand on your arm before crouching down with a sigh to be more leveled with Luis.

“The deal was we get you out of here when you deliver the Amber. No Amber, no 'protection’, Luis.” She reminded him. There was no room for nonsense in her entire demeanor. No more time to waste. 

He gave a forced and slightly annoyed laugh. Likely in irritation from the long day he's had and Ada showing no appreciation for the fact that he was trying. Though in her mind, he wasn't trying hard enough. He was just wasting both of your precious time.

“Such a stickler for details, huh Ada?” Her deadpan expression didn't waver. He glanced at you with a look you couldn't quite decipher, and you shrugged unhelpfully. He let out another sigh before grumbling. “Alright. I'll go get it now, how about that?”

He reached out a hand for help once more, waiting a long moment. You nudged her and Ada finally gave in and helped him up the small, yet hard to climb, cliff.

Once he was up, he patted himself clear of dirt and looked back to the house the villagers bombarded with a tired sigh. “And I do have something else I need to get too.”

Your girlfriend and you shared a look. You gave a huff and shook your head muttering, “This ought to be good.”

—

The castle. Luis had led you both back to the castle. The place where your mission had officially started and where everything had gone to shit pretty much instantaneously. You'd hoped once you left it the first time that you wouldn't have to be back. 

And yet, here you are.

Luis had climbed halfway up the side of the castle he had led you all to enter from before Ada had decided to just grapple you both up the tower, not even bothering to attempt the climb or help the struggling Luis up the rest of the way. He huffed and finished the challenging climb by himself, muttering to himself all the while.

You and Ada remained silent as you waited for him. Ada, not only because she was pissed, but also because she was stuck in her own head, running through the statistics of how many more distractions and side quests she had in her before the virus took over and she lost total control of herself. You just let her be, not having much to say that would soothe her concerns due to you feeling the exact same way. 

You wish you could continue to tell her it would be alright, but the longer this mission takes, the more you see her condition beginning to take its toll. Not just in her behavior. Now it is visible in her physical appearance as well. 

Her eyes had changed. The infection took form in black, vein-like, lines within her eyes. You had noticed prior to finding Luis, when Ada had been manipulated by the bug creature, that similar veins had covered her face while she clutched her head in pain. A clear sign of the virus and its power over her. So to see it remain permanently in her eyes with the monster not in sight… 

It was clear that time was running out.

“You probably didn't plan on coming back here, eh?” Luis questioned as he finally crawled through the hole in the wall you've entered from. 

“I had hoped not.” You admitted. You noticed Ada's calculated silence became more of a simmering, angry, silence. She was not happy with the man. Not one bit.

“Well, plans do change, no?” Luis said, trying to catch his breath from the climb. 

Ada's silence gave him pause. Noting her mood, he turned to you hesitantly before voicing a question you all already knew the answer to. “Are you angry?” 

Her silence spoke volumes, causing you both to grimace. “You're angry.” He concluded. He paused again, debating his next words. You shook your head, knowing by his hesitance that what he has to say won't be good.

He ignored your silent advice, quickly spilling out his next sentence. “There is this one thing I must do before I can recover the Amber.” 

You winced, glancing at Ada who went from a silent simmer to boiling over in about three seconds flat. This won't be good.

Ada was giving Luis a look that could kill, and in return he held his hands up in a placant gesture. 

“Before?” She questioned, voice deceptively calm. And before you could stop her, she had her pistol drawn and pointed right at the man's head. 

“Ada!” Your startled call went ignored by her.  

Heels clicked angrily against the hard floor as she took threatening steps toward Luis, who had raised his hands even higher in an attempt to convince her not to shoot. “This is not a negotiation, Luis. So choose your next words carefully.”

“Oh, woah…” Luis fumbled, taking a shaky breath before taking a slow step to the side. Then another. And another. Ada's gun remained pointed at his head as she turned with him, finger on the trigger and ready to shoot if he gave her an answer she didn't like. 

“Ada-” 

“Stay out of this, Y/n.” Ada told you. Her cold tone gave you pause. While you know it wasn't you she was angry at, you still didn't want to test her when she's like this. 

Especially not with Luis's life on the line.

“It's fine, Sénorita.” Luis said, before giving his full attention to Ada. You listened and backed off. “Listen, there is someone who needs my help… You know me – always the good Samaritan!”

“Let me guess. Leon?” Ada smirked slightly as Luis looked surprised that she knew about Leon. Though her grip on the gun didn't falter.

“Yes! Exactly! Leon and that young woman…” Luis began to slowly back away. Young women? The president's daughter? “They are both infected. They need this medicine. It slows the infection. And I know it works. I used it on myself. So I-”

“And why does this matter to me?” Ada interrupted, quickly closing the distance Luis had managed to make between the two of them. You could think of a few reasons why it matters.

Luis paused, and as if hearing your own thoughts, stated matter of factly, “Because you too are infected.” 

Ada and you shared a look. You were surprised he noticed, given how most of this mission has been spent away from Luis with you and Ada chasing after him.

Luis shook his head, exasperated. “It's what I researched for all these years. And I see the symptoms already showing in your eyes, Ada.”

For the first time since Ada drew the gun, Luis turned his back on her and walked further away with a little more confidence. Even when he was at risk of being shot in the back.

“You must already feel the effects, eh?” He slowly crouched over a trap door, still somewhat mindful of the woman holding the gun on him. “The medicine will stop them for a time. Just, trust me. You have a lot to gain, and nothing to lose!”

Ada seemed to agree with that statement. “Okay. But this is your last chance. We do this first, and then the Amber.” She placed her gun back into the holster with a final stern look, before turning to search around the room for anything useful to be brought with her.

“I'll let Leon know!” Luis exclaimed, happy he convinced her to help. 

You were relieved. And so, so glad Ada agreed. This might be her only chance. Granted, it's not a cure. But it would give you both more time to find the Amber and find an actual cure.

You stood awkwardly in your current place as Luis reached for his radio and made a call. “Hola. Luis here. You guys still around?” He questioned.

A very familiar voice snarked through the speaker of the radio. “Well I wanted to go home, but Ashley just had to see this castle first.”

Ashley. The president's daughter.

Luis grinned. “Perfect, because I have a present I want to give you. Medicine that will help to suppress the progress of your… problem.” 

“Where do we go?” Leon asked.

“Let's see… Come to the courtyard inside the castle. We can meet up there.” Luis decided. “¡Ciao!” 

With that, he hung up the call and turned to speak to the two women patiently and impatiently waiting for him. 

He stood up and set to opening the trap door leading out of the room. “Sorry to keep you both waiting. Shall we?” 

You glanced back at Ada and saw she was ready to go. You nodded as Luis opened the hatch on the floor. “We shall.”

He grinned as he led you both out of the room and down a stairwell. “There's a hidden laboratory downstairs. My stuff should be there.” He explained, jumping down the remaining gap in the stairs to the floor. Likely destroyed due to lack of maintenance in this area of the castle. You jumped down right after him with Ada right behind you.

“Along with the suppressant?” Ada questioned.

“Right,” Luis nodded. “Though first we have to get past this locked gate.” He said, gesturing to the barred area that was preventing you all from going further.

“Leave it to me.” Ada abruptly ran off before you could offer assistance. You shrugged it off, not much you could do given this requires the grappling hook. Which you have yet to get the hang of using and probably never will.

As you and Luis waited, he decided to start up a conversation with you. “So…”

You raised a brow at his hesitance. As if he is trying to figure out if what he is about to say is crossing a boundary. “So?”

He paused, muttering a quick “fuck it”, then proceeded to ask his intended question. 

“Trouble in paradise?” He asked, noting the growing tension between the two of you that you had since excused and ignored.

Not expecting that question, you stuttered and spat out an, “Excuse me?” Wincing slightly at how it came out a little harsh. Not intending to hurt the man in front of you, just taken off guard by the personal question.

Luis scoffed. “Oh please! You two went from the ultimate dream team to practically walking on eggshells around each other.” 

“We still work well together.” You answered, slightly confused by where he was going with this.

“Yes you do, Sénorita.” Luis amended before continuing, “Though I can't help but notice the growing tension between you. What happened?”

You were curious, “Why do you want to know?” 

“Well…” Luis shrugged nonchalantly, leaning against the wall behind him with a grin. “I like to think that, despite our short time knowing each other, we are friends. You did save my life after all. And I think I'm allowed to be a little concerned about my friend.”

Your growing defensive demeanor softened slightly, sensing no lie coming from the man in front of you.

“Does that mean Ada is your friend too?” You wondered. He exaggeratedly pondered for a moment.

“Eh, I'm still not so sure about that one. A little testy, no?” He jested, grin widening when the joke resulted in a laugh from you. “But in all seriousness, is everything alright between you too. What with the, uh, virus.” 

Your smile dropped with a sigh. “I'm just worried about her. She hasn't been fully herself. Not the usual Ada I've come to know and love. I just don't know what to do. I- I don't want to make it worse.” You quietly admitted.

“Has she tried to hurt you?” He asked with concern.

“No. But I can see that she grows increasingly more worried that it will happen at some point. She's been slowly distancing herself from me. Not in the physical sense, but mentally. Like she's preparing for the worst case scenario.” 

Luis hummed, “I see. Well don't worry too much, Sénorita. We will get her the help she needs before the worst can happen. Okay?” 

He grinned with a comforting pat to your shoulder. You weakly returned it. Grateful for his considerate words, but also not entirely convinced it would be so easy.

After all, nothing on this entire mission has been easy yet.

[whyeverr]

[howling]

“I’m good, Dulce. I'm good...”

[howling continues]

“I did it... IIIIIIIII fucking did it!” 

[komoboko]

𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐨 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐝

ft: tanjiro kamado, zenitsu agatsuma, inosuke hashibira, kanao tsuyuri, genya shinazugawa

Genlas canon I’m ufotable so what if I made a kny oc bcs of genya 🗣️ ・ignore how half of these are about sleep

# tanjiro ! ☆

TANJIRO is such a sweetheart, he really is. But when it comes to sticking to a schedule, he does not make any shortcut or excuses to what will happen. Whatever the schedule says goes no ifs ands or buts. Thankfully he only uses a morning routine anyways.

He had heard from both Rengoku and Mitsuri that having a morning schedule is very good to prepare you for the day. So tanjiro has one to! He tries to get you to follow the routine along with him but you would rather stay in bed instead..

The moment the sun begins to rise is the time Tanjiro wakes up as well. It’s almost as if his body had a set in clock to wake him up. He already gets himself up before he comes and “pesters” you, who is still sound asleep when he’s ready to start the day. Tanjiro only pokes your cheek trying to get you to wake up.

You only groan turning your body over as you already know what he’s waking you up for. “Tanjiro I don’t even think the sun is up yet..” you mumble putting a pillow over your head. Tanjiro only silently laughs before replying “That doesn’t mean we can’t wake up either, if we don’t go fast we’re going to miss our time to train before leaving!” He only flashes a beaming smile, you wished to see that smile in your dreams right now instead.

# zenitsu ! ☆

If he had to be honest ZENITSU is unironically really clumsy. Sometimes he’s doing it to get a laugh out of you, but other times he’s genuinely falling. He can’t help it! It used to be something that happened every now and then but it’s almost become more of a habit of his now.

Even if everybody knows he really is just clumsy, if your around without fail he’ll try to play it off like it was on purpose. If your around and he’s already mid fall he’s going to try and stick the landing to make it seem like he was being funny and just doing it on purpose. Other times when it’s too late to cover up his mistake he tries to cover it up with a cheesy pick up line.

You’re only sharpening your sword, admiring the peace until it’s disrupted once again. You can hear a very familiar voice chanting your name as the voice only grows closer and closer. You turn around to see zenitsu rushing towards you after turning a corner, and from what you can tell he has a couple of flowers in his hand.

It’s only when he gets closer is when he somehow manages to trip on whatever was in his path. He comes tumbling towards you as you rush to his aid only to see him quickly put a rose in his mouth. He stares at you with a prideful gaze as you bite back a laugh. You can’t hold it in anymore once he screams howling something along the lines of “THE ROSE POKED ME!!”

# inosuke ! ☆

Sleeping around INOSUKE is no fun at all. He normally has a lot of energy so staying up late is a given, if you manage to actually fall asleep before he does your lucky. If he even manages to get tired and get close to a bed you’re doomed.

When inosuke is asleep there is nothing that is going to wake him up except himself. He is stone cold asleep meaning whatever he does do in his asleep is a complete ball game to deal with. It’s obvious that he is going to be uncomfortably loud, but he really handsy and not in the romantic way at all..

You groan on the edge of the bed as the cold air breezes against you, an hour before you were very much comfortable in the bed, alone at least. The moment inosuke toppled into bed was when everything came to an end. He took all the blankets for himself, he sprawled out taking up most of the space, and did this all while asleep already.

Not to mention the fact he was almost louder than when kyojuro when he’s talking whenever he snores. Every other moment the room rattles with how loud he is. To the point where you get so fed up you grab the one pillow you can find and move to sleep on the couch. It was much easier falling asleep on the couch, the only problem is when you woke up you find inosuke still completely asleep on top of you.

# kanao ! ☆

A lot of people don’t realize that KANAO can be unusually blunt. Around you she feels more open to speak her mind about something and without realizing it. Her words can come out much more harsh than she had originally intended it.

When she’s around you she’s much more careful at watching her tongue, as she obviously does not wish to hurt your feelings. Which she is really good at!! But if you ask for honest criticism she can’t say that she won’t hold back even on you.

You stare at kanao’s paper as she continues to sketch the treeline in the window Infront of the both of you. You’re impressed by her eye for art and even wonder if she could give you some tips as well. It’s not like you haven’t been practicing after all! “Kanao? Would you mind giving me some tips on how to improve my drawing? Honest criticism please.” You ask the girl as she turns to you. Kanao stares down at your drawing seeing what she believes is a samurai down on your paper.

She looks up back at you taking a deep breath before saying, “well your drawing isn’t near accurate to what time period I assume you’re going for. The proportions are off, the armor plates aren’t in the right place, the blade is incorrect, the legs aren’t even or balance the upper body.” Your jaw drops as kanao only looks back at you putting a hand on your shoulder. “I could help you if you like.” She hopes this would make up for shock she put on your face

# genya ! ☆

While GENYA can normally keep things together, there are times where he doesn’t keep track how long he has been a demon. It’s rare considering he normally on a mission for this to ever really happen, but it doesn’t mean it hasn’t.

The mission had gone well to say the least but everything had gone on for so long. Task after task, minute after minute Genya had become more weary and more irritable. By the time he was actually released he couldn’t care about anything except going to bed. On the plus side it would mean he could see your face as well.

When he finally made it to the inn you to we’re staying at he didn’t think twice about immediately moving towards the bedrooms. He failed to see his reflection or acknowledge how loud his footsteps were moving around the house. You groggily open your eyes startled awake by the incoming noise, you don’t remember anybody staying with you. Not until a shadow peers through the doorway.

You turn around to see yellow eyes stand out from the dark hallway. They pierce menacingly almost into the room your in, slowly creeping closer in the dark. Naturally you scream but your surprised when the figure screams to. It stumbles around the room until it can see its own reflection. It’s only then when you realize it’s just genya who didn’t even realize he was a demon himself. He only mumbles out a small “ohh..” before climbing into bed to try and trying to apologize to you..

[arminsumi]

Hey! Could I request a soft fluffy Gojo where he finds out reader is pregnant and he’s over the moon excited and can barely contain himself? Seeing the Gojo crumbs got me feeling all soft for him.

PREGNANT

★ Note : ah i savored the gojo crumbs!! 🥹💗 missing that pineapple head sm.

★ Warnings : some suggestive jokes

"Sooo... I bought you a pregnancy test."

You laugh at him like he's being ridiculous, like this is a total over-reaction to you having just one instance of morning nausea that didn't even last very long.

Satoru has some weird sixth sense when it comes to you. If you're not feeling well, he knows it before you even say anything. Like this morning, when you sat up in bed in a strange way, he blinked awake and mumbled "Baby, what is it?" knowing in his chest you must feel sick. And sure enough, you were sick.

Albeit not for long — Satoru still soothed your back with his hands and gave you a thorough massage until the nausea went away.

He joked, "Are you pregnant?" while he massaged you. But that weird sixth sense told him that you were really pregnant.

After your nausea subsided, he went out to buy you every necessity he could think of. You know, pads and tampons of all sizes because he has no idea which one you actually prefer and he also has no idea why there are so many variations. So he dumped a pile of period necessities on your desk and you laughed at how he did it.

Then he unexpectedly whipped out a pregnancy test package and tapped you lightly on the shoulder with it.

"Satoru, I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant."

"But I feel like you are." he replies suspiciously. "I mean look at you... you're glowin' like a goddess. C'mon, just take the test."

"Okay, fine — but I'm telling you, I don't feel pregnant."

You took the pregnancy test and rolled your eyes while waiting. Satoru waited outside the bathroom like an excited puppy and nearly pawed at the door to be let in, but you absolutely refused to let him watch you pee on the pregnancy test.

So he spoke through the bathroom door;

"Sooo are you pregnant or do I have to take you back to the bedroom and make your eyes roll back again?"

You laughed.

"Satoru, you don't need to take me back to the bedroom for me to roll my eyes at you."

You stared down at the pregnancy test.

| |

Oh.

You opened the door of the bathroom.

When you hand him the positive test, Satoru blanks. Then his eyes light up like you've never seen them light up before.

His jaw slacks and he doesn't have any words.

You think he's frozen in place but then suddenly he reanimates himself and attacks you with kisses.

"Babyyy!" his voice cracks with excitement.

He levels his face with your tummy and hugs it, then speaks to it;

"Hey, kid. You better have your mommy's eyes."

"Satoru, you're ridiculous." you chuckle.

Satoru keeps kissing your tummy, nuzzling and hugging it. He cries a little after the initial excitement calms down. In fact he sobs. He clings to your stomach, arms wrapped tightly around it. All his attention is plastered on you and your tummy.

He calls Suguru and Shoko and Nanami in a video call and judging by the tone of his texts (VIDEO CALL NOW. IMMINENT.) they assume something dire has happened.

And then Satoru just says;

"We're pregnant."

"We?!"

Suguru hears you yell through the phone and laughs.

Nanami sighs, "Satoru, I thought something bad happened, you idiot. Congratulations."

"Mhm!" Satoru ignores Nanami's scolding and absorbs the 'congratulations' like a proud to-be father.

"I'm gonna be a dad." he keeps saying this over and over until it even gets on your nerves, so you pop into the video call to shut up your stupid husband which makes the others howl with laughter. Satoru just happily lets you shut him up, he knows he's being an obnoxious idiot. He can't help it, he's over-excited.

He is so smug about it. But underlining that smugness you see pure excitement, real true joy that Satoru can't fully express except through subtle things.

He koala-hugs his arms around your tummy and clings to you.

On the video call, everyone sees how Satoru looks at you; he has that lovey-dovey euphoric smile stuck on his face.

"Satoru, you're glowing. Are you pregnant, too?" Shoko jokes.

— ★

Later that night, Satoru rests his head on your stomach while the two of you are laid in bed.

The initial goofiness and excitement has calmed down, and he's gone silent like he's brooding.

"Do you think I'll be a good dad?" he asks seriously. He experiences a small voice crack.

Waiting for your answer makes him nervous. He fiddles with the hem of your pajamas.

"Satoru, you're going to be the best dad." you respond.

His lips curl and he begins smiling to himself and cuddling your tummy more. It's one of those rare smiles that he feels too shy to show you. Reminds you of how he used to smile at you when you flustered him in college, when he was a love sick puppy for you.

Of course, he breaks the moment with a stupid joke; "I think you moaning "daddy! daddy!" worked magic."

"Satoru!" you have to scoldingly smack him on the head with your book.

He just giggles cheekily and crawls up to snuggle your chest.

— ★

For the following week, you catch Satoru scrolling through lists of online baby names, and beaming to his students that he's gonna be a dad. Boasting as much as he possibly can to every available ear.

When he tells anyone about you being pregnant, he phrases it very carefully; "She's going to be the mother of my children." he says proudly, chin lifted a bit, smug smirk on his face that even you want to slap off.

Yeah he's so smug and annoying. Anyways, he cries when he stares at the ultrasound.

He keeps it in his wallet. He shows it to everyone. He looks at it while he's in his office at Jujutsu High.

Seeing your tummy get rounder and fuller turns Satoru into a softer man.

— ★

Satoru always greets your tummy like the baby can hear him. He talks to it every night as if he's helping Littler Gojo fall asleep, but actually his voice is putting you to sleep.

He comes up to you, cooing carefully in case you're having a mood swing, and squishes his cheek to your tummy.

And when you come out of the bedroom in the mornings looking your roughest, Satoru smiles wide and says without fail every time;

"Oh there's my mama goddess, how'd you sleep with Little Gojo's kung fu last night?"

When the baby kicks, he's always got some funny response;

"Hey, I'm the Strongest, kid."

"Don't kick. Be nice to mommy's tummy."

"Damn, this kid's trynna beat up his dad's pretty face!"

"Wow, you're gonna be a martial artist I just know it."

In fact, talking to your tummy is something Satoru loves the most.

When he gets home from a tiring day at work, he kisses you hard and then lowers himself onto his knees and greets your tummy.

"Hey kid, how's it going in there? Gettin' stronger? Good. Good. Hey I heard that! Don't talk back to me. Gosh, you're already gettin' rebellious."

"Satoru... what are you doing?"

"Talking to our baby." he replies innocently. "She's very intelligent. Just like her mommy."

"Oh is that so? I like that. She'll be as smart as mommy and as strong as daddy."

His cheeks go a bit pink.

© arminsumi

I do not permit the copying/reposting/translation/plagiarism of my works. Do not steal what I've worked hard to create.

This is fictional work.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

BORIS JOHNSON RESIGNS AS MP. Thoughts? The people howl for a new update to the Big Dog the Clown saga.

Yes this was not on my personal bingo card; my most recent Big Dog event was that a friend of mine works for air traffic control and recently had to delay BoJo's holiday flight by four hours, and on being told that this particular plane had to be prioritised for a runway slot because it contained an Important Clown promptly pushed it to the bottom of the priority list. Lol. And then all this! What larks.

Okay not a lot of detail yet still but LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE EVENTS OF 9TH JUNE, 2023 and you know what? It's been a while. Let's do it properly.

7.15am

Another day dawns in the reign of evil Grand Vizier-turned-PM Rishi Sunak. He's a very boring flavour of evil, tbh. Say what you will about Johnson, but at least there was spectacle and showmanship to his clownshow. Something for the children to boo and hiss. An animate ham in a villain's wig, something to really enjoy as you sit back, relax, and savour a tall, cool glass of schadenfreude.

By contrast Rishi just gets sycophants - who are no less ridiculous, but far more grey and boring - who pretend he's a tech bro because "he understands AI" and they think that will make him a visionary and a man of the future and maybe some sort of Elon Musk figure, because that's obviously a smashing template to be copied in a leader of a country.

This briefing was presumably drafted using ChatGPT.

Anyway, this is what we thought the day would be: another dreary overcast washout, livened up by Downing Street's latest attempt at making Sunak seem like a good idea to stave off the hulking spectre of Labour's inevitable GE win next year. How trite. How tedious. How mediocre.

What a shame it would be if... something were to liven it up.

8.39 am

Fun fact!

When a PM's term ends, as their last act in office, they get to present an Honours List. This means they write a list of all the people they reckon have been Jolly Good Sorts who have done Good Clowning and Supported The Community, and nominate those people for honours. Honours here can be anything from an MBE/OBE etc, to a Damehood/Knighthood, all the way up to entering the Peerage i.e. becoming a Lord. Traditionally, people have been fairly reasonable with these lists. Apart from anything else, the outgoing PM can only write the list - the new Prime Minister has to sign off on it, and it's usually the case, of course, that PMs are deposed by the opposition party.

Why am I mentioning this? Well: Boris, you see, has now presented his list to Sunak to validate. You may be unsurprised to learn that it contains quite a lot of clowns.

Another fun fact!

If a sitting MP is given a Peerage, they cannot continue to be an MP. MPs are elected. Lords are not. So an MP offered a lordship right now would have to stand down if they accepted, triggering a by-election in their seat that... well. That anyone could win, couldn't they? Ordinarily. Except Labour's shadow is growing, isn't it? I don't suppose Sunak would be all that happy about losing, for example, any Tory MPs nominated for a peerage right now.

What fun facts.

At 8.39am, Politics UK reveals an as-yet-unverified report that Nadine Dorries and Alok Sharma have been removed from Boris Johnson's honours list, and will go back to vetting.

(They also reveal that Big Dog's dad has been removed from the list, because nominating your dad for a Peerage is "inappropriate". Sorry, Bigger Dog. Apparently even corrupt ghoul Rishi Sunak has a limit to what open corruption he will allow, which is news to us all, most of all Rishi.)

10.41am

Nadine Dorries decides she will play to her strengths, and appear on TV to do some Public Speaking, which always goes well for her of course.

Nothing, let's remember, has been confirmed yet at all. But she's here to put people's minds at ease! No power-hungry status-chasing pink maniac, she! She is very clear in her aims.

“The last thing I would want to do would be to cause a by-election in my constituency.”

Quite right, Nadine. That would be disastrous.

11.20am

Oh, it’s Tory think tank NRG’s conference in Doncaster today.  Gideon George Osborne, pig-stupid former Grand Vizier and idiot fail-heir to David "pig-fucker" Cameron, gives a speech.  Let's see some quotes!

On the Tories’ choices of chancellors since he personally fell on his sword over Brexit left the role:

“You can see when the partnership doesn’t work. The government's paralysed and the politics is terrible.”

Fair, but also you are a government, George.

On Tories who attack the civil service:

“We’re in charge of our country’s destiny. We should stop blaming others if we don’t get things right." 

... right. But you just... Uh.

On Tory culture warriors:

“It’s really important that the Conservative Party is excited about the country we aspire to lead… and doesn’t get in to ‘we’re against all these groups of people’. We’re the inclusive people.”

Well, points for clearing that absurdly low bar, I guess. Christ, I cannot BELIEVE Suella Braverman is making George fucking Osborne look good-by-comparison.

1pm

Ooh. Nadine's attempts to put minds at ease have inexplicably not worked, can't think why not. She's such a reassuring and charismatic speaker normally.

But the rumour is now FLYING about that Nadine has indeed been dropped from the honours list, and specifically because Sunak wants to avoid a by-election that will lose him more seats at a time when he is desperate for even a mat on the floor as long as it's blue.

Sorry, Nads. Still; this morning you were very clear that the constituency comes first, so I suppose that's okay. The priority now is that she MUST stay in position, so the Tories can keep their numbers steady. It is VITAL she remains an MP. Let's remember her exact words!

“The last thing I would want to do would be to cause a by-election in my constituency.”

3.45pm

Nadine Dorries tweets her resignation.

The last thing she does as an MP is indeed to cause a by-election in her constituency.

3.50pm

Except this is Nadine Dorries we're talking about. She's found some flashy balls to juggle, look, and a boy to pour custard down her trousers.

Not five minutes after dropping the bombshell, she deletes the last tweet announcing her resignation, and tweets a new one.

The new tweet says, “it is now time for another to take the reins” as the MP for Mid-Bedfordshire.

The original tweet said, “it is now time for someone younger to take the reins.”

*

On Talk TV, Dorries says that "something significant did happen to change my mind", but doesn’t elaborate.

3.56pm

The whispers are whispering. The rumours are rumouring. The knives are sharpening.

Nadine's now-former seat is Mid-Bedfordshire, and has been Tory since 1929; a safe seat, which certainly explains how Nadine fucking Dorries managed to hold it for as long as she did.

An MP on the right of the Tory party says that if the Tories lose the Mid Bedfordshire by-election, it’ll open questions about Rishi Sunak's leadership CLOWNFALL 3: REVENGE OF BIG DOG LET'S GOOOOOO

3.57pm

Nadine Dorries is removed from the WhatsApp group.

I would love to know who leaked that image. I really should not have that image. Ah well. Now you do too.

4.12pm

Good tweet alert!

5.08pm

Phew! What a day. Let's see how Rishi's getting on.

He approves the rest of BoJo's honours list. Shall we take a look at our newly-honoured citizens? Shall we see what familiar names crop up?

Honours for staff at centre of Partygate Jack Doyle, Rosie Bate-Williams and Shelly Williams-Walker (and a lot of other terrible and disgraced people who were loyal to Johnson, and some of Carrie Antoinette’s friends).

Damehoods for Andrea Jenkyns and Priti Patel.

Knighthoods for Jacob Rees-Mogg, Conor Burns, and Michael Fabricant.

An OBE for Kelly Jo Dodge, Parliamentary hairdresser.

Also honours for Ben Houchen, currently at the heart of a media storm about dodgy property deals.  His huge regeneration project in Teesside is subject to a government investigation regarding the governance, finance and value for money.

*

(Interesting point – Tory MPs Allister Jack and Nigel Adams were offered peerages, but decided to wait, since accepting now would trigger by-elections.

Why were they offered at all, do you think?)

*

So … this means Michael Fabricant is now Sir Michael Fabricant.  Like, actually.  Genuinely.

Nice one, Rishi. Thank goodness you understand AIs.

5.44pm

The Guardian’s Pippa Crerar - journalist who brought down Big Dog one Partygate reveal at a time - tweets her guide to he honours list:

Martin Reynolds, former PPS, invited 200 officials to drinks in Downing St garden.  He told officials to "bring your own booze", later adding: "We seem to have got away with it".

Shelley Williams-Walker, getting a Damehood, was No 10 head of opps & now runs his office.  At No 10 party the night before Prince Philip's funeral she was dubbed "DJ SWW" for her banger playlist.

Jack Doyle & Rosie Bate-Williams, who get OBEs, were press spox who repeatedly denied the parties happened

Dan Rosenfield, who gets a peerage, quit in mass exodus of senior No 10 staff as anger over Partygate grew.  Former chief of staff faced reports he was among senior Downing Street officials who attended a Christmas quiz when restrictions were in place.

Shaun Bailey, who ran unsuccessfully for London mayor, gets a peerage, and Ben Mallett, a close friend of Carrie Antoinette's who ran Zac Goldsmith’s disastrous mayoral campaign, gets an OBE. Both are in this picture of a lockdown-flouting party at CCHQ:

What a sea of punchable faces.

7.58pm

But we've been so focused on Nadine! She's fucked up her juggling, look, but she's sliding around on the rollerskates, ever so distracting. But here's the thing, Tumblrs, here's the thing:

Among all of this, what's the Chief Clown doing?

The Privilege Committee reveals in their draft report that Boris Johnson misled Parliament, and recommends a sanction of more than 10 days.

Does that sound too little? Are you wishing it were smething more meaningful? Let me help put it in context.

This sanction would be enough to trigger a by-election in Johnson’s seat.

8.02pm

Boris Johnson

QUITS

as an MP

The committee said Johson had “impugned the integrity��� of the House of Commons. Fascinating! I didn't know its honour had ever been pugned.

He accuses the inquiry of trying to “drive me out”!!!!

"It is very sad to be leaving parliament - at least for now - but above all I am bewildered and appalled that I can be forced out, anti-democratically, by a committee chaired and managed, by Harriet Harman, with such egregious bias".

Worth noting that the committee has a Conservative majority, mind. But you mustn't let things like facts get in the way of your feelings, BlowJo. You never have as a politician. Nor as a journalist, come to that.

(Also SIDE NOTE – “at least for now”??  What are you planning, Big Dog??  I suppose Nadine is leaving an empty seat...)

8.41pm

Christopher Hope of the Daily Telegraph reports he’s heard rumours of a THIRD Tory MP potentially resigning – and another Johnson loyalist at that. Lol. Trololol. Lmao, even. Perhaps rofl.

11.43pm

And finally, the day is wrapped up with the Guardian revealing their front cover for the following day:

Big Dog is OUT, hot trans bloke is IN.

Not a bad finish.

[charnelhouse]

no but like what if ghost did fuck reader in front of the team. my head is so full with that thought.

A/N: Simon Ghost Riley x F!Reader. Voyeurism kind of. Vague smut.

It’s not out in the open. Not really. But every damn one of them knows what’s happening. 

Price is on watch while the rest of the team lies on the floor of a dirty, old living room. It’s a rundown shack in the middle of Colorado. The cold is severe, full of needles and glass, and Soap can see his breath. Gaz is pressed against him. Vargas is on his other side. 

Romantic. Two unshowered men nearly on top of him, but the heat is appreciated.

It’s quiet except for the wind screaming like something out of legend. Makes him think of banshees or spirits. Soap can hear voices in the violence of its texture. Branches snap against the windows and patchy roof. Howls of agony that may just be from the meat of his head. He's seen a lot of death this week.

“We can’t.”

It’s you, your voice high and thin before it's met by the low, rumbling rasp of Ghost responding with something Soap can't discern. The floor creaks, the shadows burning patterns across the popcorn ceiling. Cobwebs. The stench of rotten wood. 

What are they whisperin’ about?

Soap hears Ghost shift. He’s surprised at how the man maneuvers his colossal mass without the room buckling.

Simon somehow got dibs on being your source of warmth for the night. Soap had even asked first, a tease more than anything.

“Care to be my cuddle buddy, lass?”

You’d laughed before your eyes cut to Ghost who was leaning against the wall, bulging arms crossed over his chest. All black aside from the white stain of his mask. Looming like some stone effigy.

“Um,” you said. “Sure, Johnny-“

“You’re taking watch with me, Red,” Ghost had cut in, tone flat and dry enough to burn. You’d blinked at him, the corner of your mouth twitching. 

“Oh,” you said softly. “Forgot. My bad.”

Sure.

Soap jerks when he hears you whimper. It slices through the cold, the wind. He moves his head to look before Vargas knocks him in the thigh. Soap scowls.

“What the hell, mate?” he whispers.

“He’s fucking her,” Vargas states plainly. “Just warning you.”

Soap nearly chokes, a laugh punching at the back of his throat before he stifles it. “Come again?”

Vargas widens his eyes meaningfully. Soap can’t believe it and so he lifts himself to his elbows to peek across the room. He’s not exactly understated, mostly running on curiosity and bewilderment. 

Lieutenant wouldn’t -

Oh. Holy. Shit. 

Ghost is on top, one arm braced beside your face. Soap can barely see you due to Ghost’s giant body that’s pinning you to the floor. You’re revealed in flashes. Bare knees locked against Ghost’s waist, pant leg loose around an ankle. His trousers are hitched lower, but he still appears fully dressed. Your small hands clasp the back of Ghost’s head, before slipping down to dig your fingertips into the nape of his neck.

Ghost is fucking you slow and lazy. His ass rises before driving forward, lurching you slightly up the floor. One gloved hand is under the crown of your skull, pillowing it from the uncomfortable wood surface. Your heel slides down the back of his thigh. He thrusts a little more sharply and it forces a moan from your lips.

“Shhh,” Ghost murmurs in a voice that Soap has never heard him use. In fact, it sounds alien coming out of Simon Riley. It’s coaxing and tender. “Good girl,” he finishes before there’s the distinct noise of something wet. 

A hand grips his collar and wrenches him back down. It’s Gaz, expression chastising as he cocks an eyebrow. “If Ghost catches you watching them…”

“He’s gonna what?” Soap returns, jaw clenched because the sight, the sounds are doing something to him. “If Price walks in, the cunt’s gonna have his fuckin’ head for screwin’ her.”

Gaz squints, his teeth gleaming white in the dark before stifling a yawn. “They’ve been sleeping together for months. I thought you knew.”

The wind screeches outside.

Soap gapes and Gaz flicks his chin. “Close your mouth, man, before the flies get in.”

Soap rolls his eyes. “How’d you know?”

“Saw them going at it outside that bar in Rio.”

“Like kissing?”

“Like he was behind her and had her cheek shoved up against the alley wall.”

Jesus. He remembered that trip. You’d scraped the side of your face and you’d said you’d fallen. 

“They haven’t been subtle,” Vargas shrugs. “Remember when Ghost slaughtered half that room on Vlad Kuznetsov’s boat…”

“Yeah,” Soap replies. “But they’d shot her. He was just reacting.”

“He was supposed to keep them alive,” Vargas reminds him. “Death only if necessary.”

“So he deemed it necessary-“

“Because they hurt his girl.”

“I’m too tired for this,” Soap growls. “He should-“

There’s the startling noise of Ghost slamming his hand on the floor and shuddering. You giggle, and he bites off a curse before slapping some bare piece of you - probably your ass. Christ. 

Silence returns. The two lovers are breathing hard and deep. The floor creaks and fabric rasps. Simon is talking to you in a soothing baritone before he chuckles. It’s weird as fuck.

“Think she’s seen his face?” Gaz suddenly asks. The question hangs there between the three of them. When Soap hears Ghost laugh softly again, Soap thinks it’s more likely than not.

For the Follow-Up.

[qqueenofhades]

Not that anything's a for sure bet but my read on the general situation re: Harris-Walz is that there's going to be a lot less headwind to fight for Harris specifically as opposed to Clinton because the amazing right wing media hasn't had twenty years for poison to seep into the layperson's thoughts about Clinton's "worthiness"

Well, that and the fact that the MAGA crowd are just really, really bad strategic planners (especially since a solid 75% of their strategy is "lol we'll just cheat and win it that way, we don't need anything else.") They howled for 3.5 years about how Biden was too old to serve and should step down, and then when he did, they had zero plan how to run against Kamala and Trump is now practically begging Biden to magically get back into the race and save him. They ran an anti-Shapiro influence campaign by encouraging the antisemitic online left and planning to exploit the issue among Democrats divided on Israel/Gaza, then furiously melted down when Walz was picked and had no plan to deal with him either. Fascism is a helluva drug, kiddos. Don't try it at home.

The reason Harris has been able to rocket so high is simple, which is that she's channeling Obama 08 energy in more ways than one. Obama also came onto the national political scene four years before (with his speech at the 2004 DNC) and four years later, he was the party's nominee. It didn't even matter that he was a skinny brown guy named Barack Hussein Obama, because people were so tired of the chaos and war and incompetence of Bush Jr that they latched onto a simple message of hope and change and the historical nature of his candidacy felt like an optimistic risk worth taking. Why couldn't it be time for the first African American president? Yes, of course, there was incredible vitriol and we are still dealing with that backlash in some ways now, but still.

As I have said before, Trump is technically not the incumbent, but the last 8 years have been dominated by his hatred, chaos, division, rage, and treason in a way even Bush could never quite manage, and when people get to that point, there's a lot of coiled-up energy that has at last come bursting out. We needed Biden's old-moderate-white-man cred to defeat Trump as the sitting president in 2020, when most of his worst scandals hadn't even happened yet, but this is not 2020 (or 2016) and the dynamic is different. We are now on offense and playing to win, people have readily and eagerly embraced the absolute god tier karma that would come from a black female prosecutor finally ending the Orange Menace's reign of terror once and for all, and the Republicans are spitting smoke and spinning gears running frantically through their usual tired old stupid cliche attacks. GAY TRANS EVIL BIRTHERISM SWIFTBOAT FOREIGN FAR LEFT COMMIE LIBERAL HEATHEN!! they scream desperately, trying to find something that sticks. Except this time, no matter how hard the corporate media tries to help them out, nobody is listening. Nobody is buying it. We know exactly what BS they're trying and we're just shrugging and going "Yeah, no. Weird."

It absolutely helps that Kamala is not dragging the ball and chain of 20 years of Republican smear attacks, yes. But there are a lot of reasons why the GOP is imploding before our eyes and it's probably now more statistically likely that there is a blue tsunami than it is that Trump wins. I still cannot, CANNOT, believe it has been barely three fucking weeks. If this is a dream don't want to wake up, etc. Let me goddamn stay in this timeline just a little longer. And if we do the work, we can in fact make it that way, and Yeah. Yeah.

[marlynnofmany]

Not Special

The refueling station was on a small moon in the back end of nowhere, close to nothing but a couple of wormhole junctions. Since it had a little convenience store and everything, it really gave off “7/11 next to a desert highway” vibes. Just, y’know, in space. The moon wasn’t big enough for proper gravity or air on its own, so someone had installed a gravity generator under the dusty red ground. And turned it up just a smidge too high, but I wasn’t going to complain.

I was going to buy pre-packaged alien snacks at the store while my coworkers handed the refueling. Mimi was calling the shots, tentacles waving and gravelly voice audible from here, while the Frillian twins handled the heavy lifting of connector hoses and Captain Sunlight was at the payment kiosk. The others were either staying onboard or already browsing the aisles.

I’d just picked up a pack of something colorful (doing an artful fumble-and-recovery because of the gravity) when a rowdy group of Armorlites trooped in. I didn’t pay them too much attention — just a bunch of macho dinosaurs with holstered blasters and bipedal swagger; totally normal here — but one of them said something that brought me up short.

“Hey look, another human,” said the cheerful voice. “Maybe you can get some tips on how not to be such a disappointment.” Raucous laughter followed.

I frowned in their direction and saw that they did have a human with them: a pale and unassuming guy just a bit shorter and stockier than me. He looked annoyed by the comment, but not surprised.

When he walked over to me, I asked, “What’s that about?” The Armorlites were already ignoring him.

The guy sighed. “They heard a lot of stories about humans before they hired me, and I don’t meet their expectations.”

“What kind of stories?”

“Humans doing daring things, like running for hours to get medicine to dying people, catching a diseased rat before it infected an entire space station, throwing fruit at charging fauna hard enough to make it leave…” He ticked things off on his fingers. “Exorcizing a ghost, and riding a hoversled like a skateboard fast enough to catch a bomb before it blew up. How am I supposed to compete with that?” He threw his hands in the air.

“Um,” I said, putting down the snack I was still holding. “Would it make it better or worse to know those were all the same person?”

“What?”

“The rat wasn’t actually diseased, the ghost was a howling dog, and I didn’t know the thing was explosive when I rushed to catch it,” I said. “And I wasn’t the only person throwing things at the fauna.”

“What?” he repeated, with a spread-arms gesture that smacked into the shelf. Rubbing his hand, he asked, “That was all you?”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “Unless there are other humans doing the same things, which is possible.”

He raked fingers through his hair, setting it at odd angles. “I can’t believe this. I’d tell them, but they’d just want to hire you instead.”

I rushed to assure him, “I’ve got a job already, and I don’t want to take yours.” I glanced over at the Armorlites, who were grabbing food and accessories. One clicked a flashlight on in another’s face, prompting curses from him and laughter from the others. That tracked from what I’d seen of Armorlite culture before. Toughness was important. Kindness, not so much. “What do you do for them?”

He sighed again. “Bookkeeping, officially. They needed somebody to handle the boring stuff like money and permits while they focus on hunting the biggest animals they can sell.”

“Gotcha. That sounds … exciting.”

“It’s not. It’s like going on a trip with my cousins again, except they’re even bigger and make fun of me for not having claws.”

“You’ve got other stuff going for you, though!” I said. “We just need to figure which of your differences they’ll respect most.”

“I’m all ears,” he said with a certain level of sarcasm. “Please tell me what about my fragile human physique will get me respect from the Mighty.”

Oh right, they did call themselves that. I’d almost forgotten. At least they were a straightforward species without a lot of mysterious depths.

“Well,” I said, thinking. “They like fighting. You’re more suited to stealth than they are, small enough to hide and do sneak attacks that they wouldn’t see coming. What if you introduced them to rubber band warfare, and sniped from hidden parts of the ship?”

“Nope,” he said. “That would just end with me cornered somewhere, and them showing off how even thin scales are tougher than my skin.”

“Good point. Oh! What kind of animals do they hunt? You said big ones, but do you know the specific names?” I got out my phone and brought up the database of known fauna that I’d talked Captain Sunlight into buying for me. As her own hired animal expert, it was really the kind of thing that I should have. My vet training on Earth only went so far.

“Uhhh, I think the last one was a treehorn,” he said. “Wait, they talked about going for Argoshan Dagger Birds next.”

“Right. Now what kind of noises do those make…” I typed quickly. Big creatures indeed, by the looks of it: Dagger Birds had prevented more than one colony from getting a foothold in the wilds of a nearby world, and were unlikely to stop being a threat anytime soon. I skimmed the rundown for the vocal files. “Here we go. Mating call.” Keeping the sound low enough for just us to hear, I played the croaking warble.

“Okay?” the guy said, confused.

“Can you imitate that?” I asked. “Give it a shot. Kinda like a frog. Woarrrk.”

Looking skeptical, he did. The expression on his face said he wasn’t impressed with his own efforts, but it sounded accurate enough to me.

“Great!” I said. “Give that a bit of practice, then you can go out with your crew and impress everybody by luring in some targets for them.”

“I could,” he said thoughtfully. “I usually stay on the ship while they’re hunting, but it might be worth a try. Can I have a copy of that sound for practice?”

He got out his own phone and I played it again so he could record it. The Armorlites were dumping things onto the front counter, ready to pay and leave. I caught sight of bright packaging that I recognized, and I had another idea.

“Thanks,” the guy said. “This might actually help. What was your name?”

“Robin Bennett,” I said with a belated handshake.

“Oscar Tennyson,” he replied. “Thanks for your help. Looks like I should grab my stuff and get going.”

“Before you go. See those tall cans with the purple labels?” I pointed at something the Armorlites were buying.

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever tried that?”

“No! They get wasted on it; I’ve steered far clear.”

I grinned with all my teeth. “That’s not alcohol. That’s caffeine.”

“What?”

“Humans can process caffeine better than most species on our own planet, and just about everybody in space. It’s a poison to most. It gets them super drunk, but for you—” I pointed at him with glee. “For you, it’s just a bit of energy. Pick your moment, then walk in casually while they’re getting wasted, and slam one down. See what happens.”

He was smiling now. “You’re sure? It’s really just caffeine? How much?”

“I checked into it before. One of those huge cans is like a watered-down coffee. These guys are absolute lightweights, and they don’t even know.”

He grinned to split his face. “That is the best news.”

One of them called for him to hurry up, and he bid me a quick goodbye before scampering off. I saw him grab food cubes, water, and a six-pack of caffeine, which he bundled onto the counter as the Armorlites headed out the door.

“Be right there! Just getting some stuff!”

They didn’t look, simply telling him not to waste any time. He smiled his way through the purchase.

Peeking over the shelves, I smiled too. Then I went back to my own purchases, with thoughts of getting an energy drink or two in his honor.

~~~

These started as backstory tidbits for the main character from this book, and turned into a sprawling adventure series in their own right. The sequel book will feature a return of some familiar faces. And Patreon is coming soon — even the free tier will be a handy way to keep up with the ongoing shenanigans of this particular human in space.

[yandere--stuck]

AaaaaAAA I was so happy to see you already had a gore fic for Bill in the works! I have reread it like. 5 times. Your writing scratches my gore itch perfectly, and I just adore fics the intestinal stuff especially <33 and his mentions of your heart also… the romance!! I was inspired by what you wrote, I hope you enjoy it once again :D! (also im doing great, hope ur doing well too :D!!) - zagreus gore anon

Notes for anyone else: This contains gore!! So much gore!! Body horror— It’s Bill’s love language!! (intestinal trauma, mouth trauma, eye trauma…. Honestly ‘you’ here are violated in like every way possible.) No sexual content, but it’s suggestive to me. Bill Cipher is a Weirdo.

---------

You never quite get used to the pain. You wish you did.

In your memories, the sensation is dulled. You know it was painful, you know it was one of the most horrible sensations of your life, but the full extent of it… You can’t remember. Your brain must be protecting you from it. Every act of Bill’s love would constitute life-long trauma for anyone else, yet you live through another session of it day by day. No. Scratch that. They wouldn’t be alive to recall it. They wouldn’t make it half as far as you. For you, no such easy, simple fate can ever be attainable. The weirdness of his new world has conquered Death itself.

Bill had cradled his intestines in your arms, laughing as they helplessly twitched and writhed against his body, cooing at them as you howled in pain. “Aww, are you excited to see papa?” He’d said, and only the strangeness of it had kept you from repressing it. He talked to your guts as if they were puppies, as if blood smeared across his bricks were innocent licks against his skin instead. Another time, he’d wrapped your guts around his triangular body, and called it the ‘world’s most intimate hug’ as he whispered sweet nothings about how much he looooves you, and also the health of your gut bacteria. Somehow, he always outdoes himself.

Bill had dug even deeper, crumbling your ribs to smithereens in his hands, and held your still-beating heart in his palms as an object of reverence. “All mine, all mine…” He’d muttered to himself, his pupil momentarily expanding to a large, inky abyss. The pain had been so intense that you’d slipped into shock. A bad habit of yours, as Bill called it, would be your tendency to slip into memories of the past to escape the present. When you should be focusing on him.

That time, he’d jolted you back to reality by fire-hot pain slashing through your heart. All the time, it continued pumping, spurting blood in Bill’s direction with every pump. His powers were the only thing keeping you alive. When, once, blood sprayed right into his eye and he was forced to take a break, you smiled for just a moment. A lopsided, crooked grin. He’d used a mirror to show you his handiwork. In the outer flesh of your heart, he’d burned a little triangle. He’d already healed the skin. The lighter pink scarring stood out against the rest of your heart. Marked forever. Though he’s usually so talkative, at that moment, he’d been quiet for just a few seconds.

Then, he’d laughed, breaking all tension. “Wow, it sure smells like barbecue in here!”

On another occasion, he had hummed a little tune to himself, comically large saw in hand, as he cut off your limbs one by one. You could never forget the sound as the teeth sawed through your bones, bit by bit. Tearing through muscle. The clunk of your arm hitting the floor. Your leg. Rinse and repeat. You swore you could still feel your arms and legs, once you lost enough blood and your vision went hazy. Bill had hugged you against his smaller form. (He could change his body’s size, technically. But he always preferred appearing just as he was to you.)

“Without all those gangly, long limbs of yours, we can really cuddle now!” The next day, all of your limbs had regrown.

He’d cradled your face with one hand, and kept your mouth open with his other wrist. You could see nothing except for that giant eye of his as he pried your teeth out of your mouth, one by one. The taste of blood filled your mouth. He’d tug and tug and tug, not nearly using enough strength, and being entirely aware of it, until finally yanking it out once and for all. (Until it regrew, that is.) Under your gaze, he took your teeth one by one, drilled a little hole in them and strung them together on a necklace.

“Hmmmm,” he’d hummed to himself, a long, drawn-out noise. “I feel like it’s missing something. What do you think?” Before you could answer, not that you had any desire to, he snapped his fingers. “Oh! I know! For a sign of our undying love for each other, it’s a little plain with just teeth!”

In the next moment, Bill had taken out one of your eyes. You cannot comprehend how such a, relatively, small part of your face could hurt so unimaginably much. You wanted him to drape his guts all over himself again. You’re sure a point-blank gunshot to the head would’ve hurt less. Been less discomforting. His fingers had shrunk into paper-thin appendages and slipped past your eyeball, digging and cutting away at the nerves behind it. You cried tears of blood. If there was anything in your stomach, you might have thrown up.

Then, all at once, pain had blossomed into pure, mind-numbing pleasure. Compared to the pain, this is what you would like to forget the most. You’d gurgled out a moan through the spit gathered at the back of your throat. Your limbs had twitched helplessly against your restraints. When your optic nerve finally snapped, you’d whined as Bill took your eye out, exclaiming “Pop!” as he did so. For just a moment, he’d juggled your detached eyeballs in his hands, having left you panting.

“Yes, now this’ll make a good centerpiece!”

Pain had become just pain once again as soon as his touch left you. There is nothing good about a gaping, throbbing hole left in your face. You whine, sniffle softly, to get his attention. You hardly ever speak out loud anymore. Bill can read your every thought and is aware of your every idea. When speaking takes up more energy than it saves, why should you? In that moment, you had lacked the energy to think about it, your body desperately trying to recover itself.

Right now, you wonder why he’d make it feel good. Why, this one time. You don’t immediately get a response. Bill just laughs and laughs and laughs, running his fingers across the teeth of his necklace, poking the eyeball in the very middle. In your eye-socket, an exact replica of it has re-formed itself.

“You’re so funny! Why do you think I did anything at all? That was all you, baby!” His pupil transforms into a heart. It’s a blink-or-you-miss it transformation, and as soon as it happened, you think you’ve made it up. “I told you that you’d come around to it! Maybe we can even share in a little bit of pain next time, huh?”

You haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since, both his words and how mind-numbingly good it had felt. Maybe he’d simply lied to you, maybe it’d all been his doing. That would be the best outcome, right?… With time, you know Bill will ‘show you his love’ again— He always does. But this time, you await it with fear, largely fear, but with a little anticipation, too. There’s no need to tell him. He already knows.

ANON I AM BARKING LIKE A DOG!!!!!!!! BARKBARKBARKBARK THIS IS AMAZING!!!!! God, your descriptive voice is so good, it's so vivid!!!! Bill tricking reader into thinking they like it and them believing it...... Yummy yummy corruption in my tummy <3

Thank you so much for this, I can only hope what I write holds a candle to this!!! You never disappoint raaghh.

Bill draping your guts around as the world's most intimate hug. GOD. Also it's so fashionable! Gut scarf, teeth and eyeball necklace, literally wearing pants of your body to shoe his love and claim of you. Aaaa I'm kicking my feet!!

Thank you so much again holy smokes

[faeryarchives]

so, what are we?

alternate title: it makes you think what do you two currently have because you are already being lovey dovey but doesn't know what stage your relationship is currently at 😂

note: tldr ano nga ba kayo 😂 🫵

recent fics: in sickness and in health & happy birthday (malleus x reader) & when your hopless streamer gets a girlfriend (ace x reader)

༊*·˚ what do you mean? we are dating right?: oh bless their pure (not) souls because when they asked that it was like asking you if the sky was blue and looking at you as if you just said something crazy because what do you mean 'what are we' ?! 🤬 they don't know whether they should panic or feel mad and they look so lost as they go on explaining how they were already making it very obvious for you that they were dating you through showering you with gifts, taking you out on dates, always being there for you + explaining how the things they do are part of their custom in dating in their hometown ARE YOU BLIND ?! 🫵 oh wait, you are not from here so you didn't know !! so it's a them problem not you 😭 well apparently it serves as a lesson to them that even though action speaks louder than words, without words it just makes everything confusing

— trey clover, leona kingscholar, jack howl, azul ashengrotto, floyd leech, kalim al asim, vil schoenheit, sebek zigvolt, malleus draconia

༊*·˚ wait, you like me too?: sure they have other friends but they thought it was normal because you two are almost best friends material but with a sprinkle of feelings and butterflies getting wild in their stomach + thinking they only have one-sided feelings but of course they wouldn't give up easily and still treat you more special than the others 🧍🏻‍♀️ after hearing your question, their world actually stopped moving as he had to think about what you just said like is this real? his mind is still buffering but he slowly turns to you and start shaking your body back and forth asking you to repeat what you had just said 😵‍💫 might think you are playing with them until you made it very clear + boy you were shocked when they didn't waste another moment to swoop you in their arms and actually sob in happiness whispering to you 'thank you for choosing me' 🥺🫂

— deuce spade, riddle rosehearts, epel felmier, idia shroud, silver

༊*·˚ we are... happy! + two best friends in a room: oh they know what is going on they are not blind 😂 they might tease you at first that you two are more than friends yet less than lovers BUT inside they were only waiting for the right time to ask you out directly without any mixed signals that is why they are doing the best they can !! they don't want you to be with them in such state and would probably settle with the two of you being happy AT THE MOMENT but when directly confronted by you, they would eventually give in and confess everything 👩🏻‍⚖️ they are not usually the ones to voice out their true feelings (except for rook and lilia) but when the time comes where you admit that you thought you had something really special to the point you thought you were already lovers - this man would literally blank out on the spot and blush + probably regretting why they didn't confess sooner like why settle for less when they can have more aka being in a true relationship with you 🫵

— ace trappola, cater diamond, floyd leech (2), idia shroud (2), ruggie bucchi, jade leech, rook hunt, lilia vanrouge

༊*·˚ wrote 5 whole essays only to say they forgot to confess: oh buckle up because they wouldn't back down with this question because they would come up with literally five pages worth on how could you think of that way? how could you forget everything you had together 🤬 grim is watching everything unfold like his parents are going through divorce or smth 😭 similar to the first scenario they thought they already made it very clear that they are asking for your hand in dating but as your discussion and their essay goes deeper it turns out they haven't confessed to you at all 🫨 !! they will try to say something but nothing comes out then silence then cue them finally realizing they fucked up because all this time they thought you were avoiding their advances but it turns out you didn't want to accept it without any assurance so expect a lot of catching up and dates you are going because they want to make it up to you 🧍🏻‍♀️

— riddle rosehearts (2), azul ashengrotto, jamil viper, sebek zigvolt (2)

[seat-safety-switch]

Government waste is excellent. Unlike my moron neighbours, who complain about how much their taxes are, and how they wish that we could get rid of every government service except roads and cops, I know better. The government provides all kinds of amazing and useful services that nobody ever thinks about, much less appreciates. And I'm not just saying that because I got a cheap hovercraft from the auction.

Sure, there was a bit of a kerfluffle after I won it for $53. For instance, fifty-three dollars Canadian is a lot of money. It took me awhile to transfer it all to them, in the form of rolls of nickels shoved into an envelope marked "to the government." And then there was the classic bureaucracy, trying to figure out if it was even legal to sell a hovercraft to me. This argument went on for weeks, which only intensified my ardour for the utility vehicle. One of the government workers didn't pay attention to who they were cc'ing the email to, and ended up accidentally calling me a "greasy skid" to their boss in a way that I could see, which I think helped me (and my attorney) secure the final bill of sale.

So: now I had a hovercraft. They even delivered it. A childhood dream was finally satisfied. What did I do with an ex-military hovercraft, you ask? I drove that shit to work. In the winter, you often have to wait in traffic for a long time as everyone takes their turn polishing the ice with their not-really-all-wheel-drive all-wheel-drive SUVs on bald, financed not-really-all-season all-season tires. Hovercrafts are not cars, in the view of my province's Implements of Husbandry Act (it is a disappointment that the good people of 1906 did not predict them,) and so I can go wherever the fuck I want. Say, through public parks.

Winter driving has never been more fun when you're insulated from the ground by a glorious cushion of air. Ice is less precarious, because you're constantly sliding out of control at all times. And if you slam into a tree, or country club building, or herd of deer, you just bounce harmlessly off. Really, the only thing I really have to complain about is that I can't do a burnout. Also, the howling Rolls-Royce jet turbines behind it that I swapped in because I got tired of the original thrust fans. Keeps my hands warm.

[suzannahnatters]

Let Your Knights Weep

One of the big things I've had to train myself out of when writing medieval historical fiction?

The stiff upper lip.

This used to really bewilder my editor, who for some time attempted to nudge me away from having my grown men weep and wail and blubber, but for me it's an essential part of the setting. Whether in grief or fear, medieval people did not hold things back.

Here are some of my favourite quotes to explain.

First, a couple from two great 20th century medievalists:

CS Lewis in his Letters put it this way:

“By the way, don't 'weep inwardly' and get a sore throat. If you must weep, weep: a good honest howl! I suspect we - and especially, my sex - don't cry enough now-a-days. Aeneas and Hector and Beowulf, Roland and Lancelot blubbered like schoolgirls, so why shouldn't we?”

Dorothy Sayers, in her fabulous Introduction to her translation of THE SONG OF ROLAND, speaking of Charlemagne discovering Roland's body on the battlefield:

Here too, I think we must not reckon it weakness in him that he is overcome by grief for Roland’s death, that he faints upon the body and has to be raised up by the barons and supported by them while he utters his lament. There are fashions in sensibility as in everything else. The idea that a strong man should react to great personal and national calamities by a slight compression of the lips and by silently throwing his cigarette into the fireplace is of very recent origin. By the standards of feudal epic, Charlemagne’s behaviour is perfectly correct. Fainting, weeping, and lamenting is what the situation calls for. The assembled knights and barons all decorously follow his example. They punctuate his lament with appropriate responses:

By hundred thousand the French for sorrow sigh; There’s none of them but utters grievous cries.

At the end of the next laisse:

He tears his beard that is so white of hue, Tears from his head his white hair by the roots; And of the French an hundred thousand swoon.

We may take this response as being ritual and poetic; grief, like everything else in the Epic, is displayed on the heroic scale. Though men of the eleventh century did, in fact, display their emotions much more openly than we do, there is no reason to suppose that they made a practice of fainting away in chorus. But the gesture had their approval; that was how they liked to think of people behaving. In every age, art holds up to us the standard pattern of exemplary conduct, and real life does its best to conform. From Charlemagne’s weeping and fainting we can draw no conclusions about his character except that the poet has represented him as a perfect model of the “man of feeling” in the taste of the period.

OK, now let's dig into some quotes that I found just in Christopher Tyerman's Chronicles of the First Crusade and Joinville's Life of St Louis:

Truly you would have grieved and sobbed in pity when the Turks killed any of our men....

As for the knights, they stood about in a great state of gloom, wringing their hands because they were so frightened and miserable, not knowing what to do with themselves and their armour, and offering to sell their shields, valuable breastplates and helmets for threepence or fivepence or any price they could get....

When Guy, who was a very honourable knight, had heard these lies, he and all the others began to weep and to make loud lamentation....

They stayed in the houses cowering, some some for hunger and some for fear of the Turks....

Now at vigils, the time of trust in God’s compassion, many gave up hope and hurriedly lowered themselves with ropes from the wall-tops; and in the city soldiers, returning from the encounter, circulated widely a rumour that mass decapitation of the defenders was in store. To add weight to the terror, they too fled…

In the course of that day’s battle there had been many people, and of fine appearance too, who had come very shamefully flying over the little bridge you know of and had fled away so panic-stricken that all our attempts to make them stay with us had been in vain. I could tell you some of their names, but shall refrain from doing so, because they are now dead.

I could go on looking for quotes in all the other medieval literature I've read, but that would be beyond the scope of this Tumblr post.

In the meantime, this leads me to make some comments on how trauma was perceived.

In Jonathan Riley-Smith's The First Crusade and the Idea of Crusading, the author discusses the mental breakdowns suffered by the first crusaders during the second siege of Antioch, which caused many of them to flee at the moment of direst need:

In these stressful circumstances it is not surprising that the crusaders were often very frightened. At times, indeed, they seem to have been almost paralysed by a terror that they themselves could hardly comprehend. … When the crusade was bottled up in Antioch by Kerbogha's relief force it was gripped by such blind panic that there was the prospect of a mass break-out and on the night of 10 or 11 Juney 1098 Bohemond and Adhemar had the gates of the city closed. It is worth noting that many of those whom later chroniclers, writing after the events in comparative comfort in Europe, vilified for cowardice and desertion seem to have been treated more charitably by their fellow-crusaders, who must have understood what pressures they had been under.

--

In conclusion: the way we feel about things today in the English-speaking isn't necessarily the way people felt about things in the past (and this goes for other cultures, real or imagined, too). I'm continually catching myself writing people with stiff upper lips and emotional reservations, and having to remind myself that the culture was different back them. If a grown man wanted to weep, he could. That's a good thing. (Oh, and my medieval historical fantasy? Check out the Watchers of Outremer series on Amazon or wherever books are sold!)

[myfandomrealitea]

There are some days where I will absolutely happily chew through 3934849 fics of the exact same premise/trope/plot and then some days where I don't even want to touch a fandom or pairing because the Popular Trope Trap is so significant within it I simply don't have the energy or willpower to wade through it all to find something else.

I think maybe on those days my main issue is that there's sometimes not much variance within the trope itself. Coffee Shop AUs, for example. They're almost always meet-cutes or meet-awkwards. Its always some harried barista wistfully using hot drinks to flirt with an even hotter customer. Its almost always winter or Christmas and its an endless cycle of the same puns, dialogue and endings.

Give me the coffee shop that's a front for the mafia. Remember that post about the guy who went into the restaurant and it was so very clearly a mafia front but he got served anyway and had the time of his life? Give me that!

Give me the customer watching a "barista" in a three piece suit nearly lose an arm trying to froth a latte for the first time. A man who kills for a living slowly experiencing a mental breakdown as he tries to add a leaf decor to a cappuccino. Mr. Dark and Deadly dying inside as a gaggle of sorority girls rush the counter for 32 pumpkin spice vanilla two-pump caramel syrup extra shot whipped creams.

Give me the customer accidentally ordering the one very specific drink that is actually a secret code and getting a cup full of cocaine baggies instead. Or a man who joins him at the table with an expensive iPad and begins asking him all sorts of weird questions about how he wants his lawn mowed or his pest control problem handled.

Give me the poor barista who applies for the job not knowing its a mafia front. Who just thinks its some weird rich people business venture because nobody really buys coffee there but it never goes out of business and oh my god that is not a bag of coffee grounds that is a bag of so, so many drugs.

Teacher-parent AUs? Hey, guess what, my child is actually a werewolf but hasn't had his first change yet and we all just assumed he was born human except oops, he isn't, because he just suddenly became a little snacksized werewolf in the middle of detention and you're screaming and he's stuck in his desk chair howling and wow you are absolutely right when you say teachers do not get paid enough to deal with what they do.

Hi hello yes, I'm the private tutor you hired, what a lovely little family of... 5.... 9.... 15 children you have. I'm so sorry to hear you're single, Mrs. Henderson. I'm sure their father would be proud you're raising them so well. What do you mean there's no father? What do you mean you made them? What do you mean; 'would I like to see the lab'?

Just. Give me some flavor sometimes.

[sadtonight]

Kissing you, kissing you, kissing you, kissing you- (additional entry)

Summary: you kissed him in more ways that he could imagine and more times he could count. But he had his preferences in kissing of course, reaching cloud nine when you did his favourite types~

Characters: Ace, Leona, Jade, Rook, Malleus;

Warnings: none, lots of kissing, a bit spicy, mentions of blood in Jade's part, reader is gender neutral, established romantic relationships;

Side notes: ah, those individuals. It's like love/hate thing depending on what sort of content of them I will encounter. Except for Rook, he's such a freak I'm kinda smitten ha ha... But if I knew any of them in real life, we would throw hands on every second encounter lmao.

Ace

— what Ace really hates is the concept of hesitate. What's there to be unsure of? Just pick something and be done with it. Yeah, that's why after short lived pining and countless lame "are we together or something?" hints the ginger came up you to one day and encouraged you to finally admit that you definitely had a thing for him;

— how you become a couple was rather straightforward and casual, and yet Ace hated how his cheeks were so hot, praying for his heart not to break his ribs from how much it was pounding at that moment. The way you stupidly smiled and how you told him that you indeed liked him very very much almost made him howl from happiness;

— Ace is experienced in dating or at the very least he knows what to do, like hugging, holding hands, cuddling, eating from the same plate, playing with each others hair, going to college together etc etc. Oh right, and kissing of course!

— the ginger was such a tease and he knew that. He would intentionally sway his face from you when you reached out to meet his soft lips, which at that point needed a punch instead of a kiss. It was strange how professional and amateur he was in making out at the same time. Angling your face with one hand, the other resting in your shoulder, but his tongue being all over the place. Ace preferred that kind of kisses, or at least that's what he told you;

— one time you stayed over in Heartslabyul dorm, both of you chilling out in his shared room that was lucky empty that evening. It was a comfortable silence — Ace was a bit groggy from a hard day so he didn't speak much. You laid on the bed beside your boyfriend, watching him play some game on the smartphone, his head currently resting close to your chest;

— all while you combed his hair in a steady, lulling motion. Ace almost succumbed to sleep, until he heard you quietly wishing him good night, and feathery pressing your lips to his face: his eyelids, his forehead, his cheekbones with cheeks, his nose, his jaw and finally his mouth. Why in Twisted Wonderland you were so damn adorable?? After saying it out loud, he opened his eyes and turned his head to the side. Ace was as red as roses he often painted, and despite not saying a single word after, he hoping you would continue. Hey quit staring and... please continue kissing him...

Leona

— generally nonchalant about kissing. If you want to stick to lion's side, clinging to his arm and leaning on his chest he wouldn't mind at all, unless you get in the way. Although same doesn't applies for kissing: if you demand kisses he would poke fun at your "desperation" but if you politely ask for permission to peck him he will, with a scowl or pokerface, give in and let you do the thing, with great reluctance in public though;

— honestly he didn't care, lazily making out when both of you are cuddled somewhere warm was amazing, case closed. But Leona wouldn't say it's his top one choice — however, if asked about his favourite type he would change the topic, unless it's you who was asking, because in that instance he still wouldn't give you a solid answer. The truth is that both of you knew what it was;

— the prideful male hated, despised, absolutely loathed how you could just come up to his sitting or laying form and...kiss his head. That's right, that's it. First you lightly ruffled his hair with your hand, and when Leona started to grumble, you would crane down and press your lips to the crown of his head or to the space near his ears — the worst places by far;

— it's not supposed to feel so nice, it was unfair how this tiny stupid gesture made him all warmed up inside. Like he was some plain house cat or something. The beastman now has to be on an extra lookout for the annoying hunter: if that creepy guy found out about how vulnerable Leona is to head kisses...it won't end well. Similarly, if Ruggie found out, then the lion can expect constant snickers and mockery from the hyena boy;

— but if you point it out, while actually pressing kisses onto his head, which was resting on your chest, Leona would tell you to shut up already. Provided you feel bold enough to keep teasing him about his soft side, he would bring you down, pinning your hands with one hand while squishing your face with another, loom over you. Care to repeat what you have just said?

— if you want to be "roughed up" so badly you should have just asked, he is more than happy to put you back into place. Oh? Leona won't stand a chance against you? Hah, sounds like a bunch of crap but sure, amuse him will ya? He already won you over, little battles like these are child's play.

Jade

— now if you only knew Jade on the surface level, as a prim and proper, polite and kind person, a true gentleman if you will, then it would "shock" you to know that he really really enjoys all kinds of unexpected kisses from his beloved partner;

— merman couldn't just get enough of them! Ordinary things that ordinary land couples do were very educational and, simply put, nice to experience: it involved so much mouth work and care, like not losing track of time in order to not forget to breath, or not to bite your tongue off in the heat of the moment. If any of the aforementioned situations happened, your boyfriend would actually feel just a drop of guilt instead of pure gloat, rubbing circles on your cheeks in a comforting manner as you heavily pant or swallow saliva mixed with your own blood;

— when it came to unexpected kisses however, Jade would rather not be a "surpriser" but a "victim". He was merely browsing books in the college library when all of the sudden you popped up out of nowhere and unexpectedly smooched his slightly parted lips and skipped off to do your things. Weren't you the most adorable one? Albeit bystanders were not all too pleased...

— said bystanders were mostly Floyd and Azul that did not, in fact, asked to be subjected to your amorous business. Floyd had to drag his twin brother away to finally get to alchemistry classes when your hugging and pecking was taking way too much time. And Azul had to literally make a fake coughing fit just for his vice dorm leader to finally tear his face away from yours and give him proper attention;

— what gets Jade to absolutely lose his mind is lipstick that easily leaves marks. When he sees the beauty product carefully applied to your lips he can't help but playfully, expectantly smile at you. At first he was quite upset upon seeing his face, neck and shirt covered in a colour of your lips, yet it was weirdly fascinating. Merman helped you apply lipstick back, gently gliding the tube along your lower lip while holding your chin up, but insisted on leaving those pretty love marks you left intact;

— the reaction it raised from his dear brother and dorm leader was priceless. Hmm? You want to say that Jade has a lipstick marks on his shirt's collar, neck, jawline, cheeks and everywhere near his mouth? Oya, you are absolutely correct, he must have not noticed it, how careless of him. Your watchfulness is much appreciated. Que to Azul gagging mentally, and Floyd physically.

Rook

— mon amour, there is no type of affection in the whole universe and beyond that Rook Hunt doesn't love or hasn't expressed yet!! The man showers people with all sorts of commentary on whatever attribute has caught his keen eye, so naturally he can't seem to stop showering you with praise on whatever topic he witness you get involved in;

— the huntsman is very physical with his partner too, if you don't mind that is, since he respects and cares for your wishes. Rook always has one on his hands on your body, like resting his hand on your waist or cradling your hand in a loose hold. Bien sûr, he also never left without planting a kiss onto your being!

— ah, pressing his lips to the back of your hand when you visit Pomefiore, pecking the side of your face when you don't face him directly while you sat together, lurching to your mouth to taste the last bite of the dessert from the your tongue — the delicious looking sweet treat he has been watching you idly eating in the courtyard on the bench for the past fifteen minutes;

— it's easy to kiss Rook once or twice, yet impossible to make out with his mouth running French miles each time you pull away just a little to take a breather or to shift. Additionally, your boyfriend was unreasonably busy, leaving you very little time to get things truly going;

— do not fret through, the huntsman tries his very best to clear his schedule enough to spare you the right amount of time, so you both wouldn't rush things before they escalate to something more... something he admitted to be enjoying way to far;

— Rook is the most desperate when you initiate long, slow, steady and oh so sweet make out session. Sitting or laying down as close possible, limbs wrapped around each other's bodies. It was incredibly warm, like you went ablaze, no matter how much clothes were discarded;

— the pace at which your lips unhurriedly shifted was driving Rook insane, his constantly sharp hunter senses dulling ever so slightly, the only thing on his air deprived mind being to kiss you again, again, again and again for as long as humanly possible. French words and phrases would seep out of this throat, worshiping your sheer existence. L'amour dangereux, he kept chanting, yet kissing you once more, for longer than before.

Malleus

— the fae could have never imagined how charming the kissing process actually was: not long after you two begun kissing on the regular basis he finally realised the appeal. Truly, you will never know until you try it for yourself;

— Malleus acknowledged your affection that was present in the every lightest peck to his skin, soon enough his own infatuation translating into pressing his lips to the part of your face he could easily reach. He adored how surprised you were at the start, your little heart freezing for just a moment when his mouth connected with your forehead. The astonishment quickly wore down after a couple of months unfortunately, but nonetheless the kissing part never got tiresome or boring;

— you had to explain each and every kiss you made since your boyfriend hardly could see the difference. The results and intentions are all the same isn't that right? Turns out formal hand kissing could be romantic too. Malleus found it incredibly amusing, to the point of smirking like a child, when you took his large hand and gracefully yet casually drew your face forward to meet his pale knuckles. It felt so gratifying to receive such treatment considering he was a future king of Briar Valley — something which you regarded without fear or apprehension;

— in turn, dragon fae wished to return the favour. Not a single type of kiss could be satisfactory to the degree that in his opinion would make you as delighted as him. Malleus had tried to apply already existing knowledge of kissing onto you, only to teleport away, with no explanation, to ponder on what else to test when he didn't get the reaction he expected to prompt;

— you never minded the weird antics your boyfriend sometimes drabbled in. He was yours after all, and you loved him either way. You cuddled up to his chest, adjusting in his lap while Malleus was reading an old book. Taking note of your movements, the male brushed the side of your face with his fingers painted in black nail polish;

— you used this opportunity to catch his hand and snuggle into it, pressing light quick pecks all over the slightly cold skin. Malleus could crash gemstones with his bare hands, lift the heaviest objects and ignite or freeze his limbs in a split second, but you adoringly squeezed them with your weaker ones, just having your lips resting on his wrist. Such a precious, mortal, beloved being you were, weren't you?

[sashaisready]

This Must Be The Place: Chapter 11 - Cover up the blank spots

Biker!Bucky x Femme Reader

Back at your beloved late grandmother's home to pack up her house, you have a run-in with the town's biker gang 'The Howling Commandos' and find yourself entangled with the metal armed President.

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Angst, nobody really having a great time.

Me again! Thanks for the wonderful response to last chapter. Bucky is still an idiot I’m sorry to say…but he’s getting there.

As always thank-you for the lovely reblogs and comments, it makes my day reading them!

As the door slammed loudly behind you, the group stood in silence looking at Bucky as he just stared back at the exit where you’d just been. The many sets of eyes on him seemed to snap him out of it, he snarled and turned to them.

“Well? We’re closed. Why are you all still here?”

The group blanched but glanced at each other. They seemed to be battling with obeying an order from their President but also wanting to speak up. Amber and the girls took that as their cue, grabbing their things and scattering out of the bar. Amber scowled at Bucky as she left, which he pointedly ignored.

Bucky continued to glare questioningly at the group before Steve finally cleared his throat and spoke, “I don’t think she did it, Buck”.

Steve crouched down and began to pick up the discarded notes you had flung at Bucky. He gathered them all into a pile and shuffled them against the bar to straighten them into a neat bundle.

“I don’t think she did either,” Nat spat as she pointed an accusatory, manicured finger at Bucky. “And that was really fucked up, reading her the riot act in front of everybody like that. At least confront her privately”.

There was a quiet murmur from the others, seemingly in agreement.

Bucky glowered at Nat, “Watch your tone, Romanoff” he warned. He didn’t like to pull rank but he didn’t like his authority being disrespected by members, either.

She held up her hands defensively, but her voice softened, “Okay – I’m sorry. I’m not trying to disrespect you here, but you always say we can speak freely, and that this isn’t a dictatorship. Right?”

He frowned but nodded reluctantly.

“Well…I don’t think she did it,” Nat continued. “I don’t think she’s so hard up for money that she needs to steal 170 bucks or whatever. I’ve seen her make that in tips on a big night! And even if she was stealing, she’s not dumb enough to take it all outta the register at once. And then leave it in her purse! She’s worked in bars for years, she knows receipts are checked against takings. She knows you count the cash every night and it would’ve immediately shown up”.

Bucky put one hand on his hip and ran the other through his hair. His tone was still firm, but he looked visibly stressed, “So, what, she just happens to be carrying around a wad of bills that are about the same amount that we’re missing?”

Steve sighed. “I agree with Nat, she looked genuinely shocked to be accused. And she’s not stupid. If she was gonna steal I think she’d skim small amounts off the top so we don’t notice. And this,” he held up the cash, “I think she was telling the truth about it being her grandma’s money, its kinda musty and old, like it’s been stored somewhere a while, it doesn’t feel or smell like the rest of the bills in the register. It tracks that she found it in her stashed in her nanna’s house or whatever”.

“Old lady money,” Peter nodded sagely.

The others all looked at him for a second.

Bucky rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright…everybody out, now, except Steve and Sam”.

They followed his lead and dispersed as they mumbled their goodbyes, the thundering roar of motorcycles ringing out as they peeled out of the parking lot just moments later. Bucky could feel their disapproving gazes on him as they left, the guilt swimming in his stomach as he started to think about what he’d done. 

“Fuck…” muttered Bucky. He frowned and rubbed his temples with his thumb and little finger.

“Why’d you check her bag in the first place, man?” Sam asked, “clearly you had suspicions about her if you went through her stuff”.

Bucky frowned, “I don’t know,” he admitted, “I wasn’t even thinking that the money was stolen…or that she would’ve stolen it…I just saw her purse in the office and…just sort of found myself picking it up without even really knowing why. And just as I was feeling like a total asshole and about to put it back, I saw the cash. And I saw red…I was so angry, so…hurt…that she could do something like that to me…to all of us when we’ve accepted her into the group…I didn’t really think I just-”

He winced, his head falling into his hands.

“Fuck”, was all he said.

“That was messed up,” Sam told him firmly.

“I know…fuck…I fucked up, bad”.

Steve clamped a hand onto his old friend’s back, giving him a reassuring pat. “Do you think part of the reason you had such a strong reaction is because you’re sleeping together, and when you thought she’d done that, it felt more personal?”

Bucky blanched, “wait, we’re not…”

“C’mon man, we’re not blind,” Sam chuckled.

Bucky looked guiltily between his two friends, immediately dropping the charade, “is it that obvious?”

Sam just grinned, “It wasn’t. But I saw you grab her ass earlier”.

Bucky groaned.

“You’re not that obvious. Mostly,” Steve explained matter-of-factly, “but I’ve seen the secret looks. The way you’re always touching her. The weird vibe the two of you have, with your little fights and what-not. There’s clear chemistry there. I don’t think the others have caught up yet, though”.

Bucky grimaced then rolled his eyes.

“You’re too damn good at your job…” he growled, but then softened as he considered Steve’s words.

“And yeah…I guess I felt…betrayed…when I thought she’d stolen. It was like she’d stolen from me. I just got so mad thinking about how she could be so sweet to my face but do that to me…but I shouldn’t have gone through her bag…I shouldn’t have yelled at her like that…in front of everyone…shouldn’t have been an asshole”.

Sam and Steve nodded in agreement.

He groaned, “fuck. What a fucking mess. What’s going on? I’m falling apart here…this isn’t like me at all”.

Steve and Sam shared a heavy look.

“You need to fix it,” Steve told him.

“I don’t know if I can…I really hurt her”.

“You need to try, at least. And you owe her a grovelling apology”, said Sam.

“Yeah. She’s a nice gal. And she’s also the best bartender we got,” Steve advised pragmatically as he pulled out his phone and began tapping away at it.

“And we need to figure out what happened to that money,” Sam added.

“Maybe we did fuck up the numbers somehow and we weren’t light? But I checked…so did Steve-,” Bucky pondered.

Steve suddenly started to wave his phone in the air.

“Mm. Well, just call me Poirot I guess…” he said without looking up from his screen.

Bucky and Sam exchanged a puzzled look before leaning over to see what Steve was looking at.

He was logged into the bar’s Instagram page, flicking through the stories that customers had tagged the bar in that night. Between the drunken selfies and silly filters, Steve stopped on a video of the bachelor party from earlier – the men singing tunelessly and belly laughing as they swayed in front of the bar, their knees buckling as they leaned against it.

“Drunk guys. So what? What am I looking at here?” Bucky muttered.

Steve held his finger on the screen as Sam and Bucky leaned closer. Behind the partygoers, clear as day, the cameraperson had inadvertently caught Tom the bartender quite literally with his hand in the register – quickly shovelling a wad of bills into his pocket before turning to pick up some discarded glasses. It was fast, but unmistakeable.

Bucky’s fists clenched at his sides.

“That sonofa…”

*

You had managed to drive home without crashing the car, which was no mean feat considering what a mess your head was currently in. But you were also weirdly numb, driving almost on autopilot as muscle memory got you back home.

You were humiliated. Embarrassed. Angry. Devastated. You felt too many things to count, your emotions so overwhelming that you’d short circuited. You couldn’t believe Bucky would do that to you, in front of everyone, that he thought so little of you that he assumed you were a thief – even digging through your private things without a moment’s hesitation.

At least, thank God, you hadn’t already shared your true feelings for him. How stupid you were! You were gearing yourself for your big movie moment while he’d written you off as a lying crook! You felt ashamed you’d allowed yourself to be so caught up in him, to let your body be enjoyed by a man who clearly had so little respect for you. You must’ve been an easy mark for him, the stupid temp bartender who was so easily bedded with a few nice words.

You trudged inside, methodically changing into your pyjamas and getting ready for bed. You kept replaying the MC’s pitying eyes in your head over and over, screwing up your face as you re-lived in the embarrassment in real time. You could see the rage on Bucky’s face, the face of the intimidating MC President, not the tender man who kissed your forehead when he thought you’d fallen asleep on the couch.

Tomorrow, you would allow yourself exactly one day to wallow: a day of take-out, crying and bad movies. And then that would be it. After tomorrow you’d get going again. You’d drop off Granny’s donation to the shelter (well…your donation now). You’d finish the DIY. Fix the damn fence. You’d call the realtor and get the house valued, get it on the market and start taking viewings. You’d start making plans for your next move, call up some old job leads, start looking at apartment listings in new cities. Or maybe you’d take a chunk of the money from the house sale and go on a fancy ass vacation like Granny would’ve wanted.

As you get into bed, you close your eyes and visualise a brief fantasy…

…boarding everything up and leaving early in the morning, zipping away in Sally to your next adventure as you look back wistfully at the house. Mere seconds later, Bucky turns up to your door, flowers in hand, when he’s learned the truth about the money. He falls to his knees as he realises you’re gone forever, he’s too late! Sobbing and wailing, crying out your name as it begins to pour with rain and-

Okay. Maybe a little dramatic. But it was your fantasy.

A loud knock at the door tears you from your thoughts. You frown, having a good idea who it might be…

“Sugar…open up, it’s me,” Bucky calls through your door, his tone sheepish and contrite. “Please…”

Part of you is tempted to stay in bed and let him stew, but you’re unable to contain how angry you feel, so you stomp down the stairs and swing open the front door.

He looks surprised, then relieved, that you actually answered. Standing on the doorstep in his kutte, he somehow appears drastically more tired and weary than he did just an hour ago, there’s an expression anguish on his face you’ve never seen before – and the beginnings of bags tease under his wide eyes.

No flowers though.

“Sugar…thank god…look, I’m so sorry, I fucked up, I really fucked up…”, he babbles as he reaches for you, “I know it wasn’t you. It was Tom. We’re dealing with him now. Oh Jesus, Sug, I messed up, I don’t know what I was thinking…I shouldn’t have touched your bag. I shouldn’t have yelled. I shouldn’t have accused you…”

Part of your resolve wobbles at his direct display of vulnerability. This is what you wanted, an apology, vindication, and humility.

But it’s all too fresh. And your pain is so raw.

 You step away from him, and he visibly wilts. You are unmoved.

“Save it,” you spit.

He pales but stays quiet.

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear any of it. Just like you didn’t want to hear it at the bar. You said everything you needed to back there. And of course it was Tom, only an idiot couldn’t see that,” you sneer angrily. “Now, get the fuck away from my property, or I’ll call the police”.

You go to slam the door, pausing at the last second as you meet his gaze.

“I just…I can’t believe you’d think that of me,” you tell him, your voice cracking slightly, “that you would think…that I’d do that to you”.

He tries to speak but the door slams in his face, and you’re grateful your tears wait until you get upstairs before they shed. You hear a small thud and his motorcycle roaring to life just a few moments later.

You sigh, picking up your phone. You scroll through to messages and bring up the one from Peter you received earlier.

As you compose a response, an envelope has been slid under your front door. It lays on the doormat at an angle. $175 sits inside, along with your final paycheck and tips. Scribbled on the front reads a single phrase.

I’m sorry.

*

[badasmuse]

“Homewrecker Pt.3”

Bada Lee x Reader

Warnings: 18+ (MDNI), language, lowercase intended, angst, fluff- yeah

Summary: bada hires a babysitter.. but you own a daycare, why does she need one?

you and bada have now been together for about seven months now. you finally opened your own daycare and you have never loved anything more (besides bada and chae of course.)

your life has been great recently, except for the fact that bada has hired another babysitter.

it’s not that you were insecure about it. you know that saying how you get them is how you lose them, but that’s not the problem. the problem is why is she paying for a babysitter when her girlfriend owns a daycare? this was an argument you had a few times a week.

“y/n why are you so upset about this?” bada asks, taking off her makeup from the day.

“bada do you understand how dumb it is to pay a random to watch your kid when you have a girlfriend that owns a daycare? you don’t even have to pay me and chae loves me. she’s comfortable with me. why the fuck would you bring a stranger around her?” you say with a ‘the fuck’ look on your face.

“it sounds like you’re scared i’m gonna do to you what i did to howl.” she says.

“im not worried about that. i know no bitch will fuck you as well as i do. you’re too scared to look at other girls. why would i be scared?”

“i fell for you because you were sweet not cause you fuck me good.” she mumbles.

“doesn’t matter. like i said, you’re too scared to look at other girls. females approach you and you hide being me. i don’t think you’re gonna do anything i just think you’re dumb for wasting money. you could be putting that shit in chae’s college fund!” you say frustrated.

“don’t you get tired of having this argument every night?” bada asks.

“don’t you?” you reply. “if you’re tired of it then fire the bitch. put chae in my daycare.”

okay the babysitter isn’t a bitch she’s actually really nice but you’re pissed so anything is gonna come out of your mouth at this point.

“goodnight y/n.” bada says changing and laying in bed.

you look at her in disbelief and grab your pillow and a blanket before walking downstairs to the couch.

this goes on for another week. you started staying at your daycare longer than you needed to which pissed bada off.

it was day six of you staying till nine in the daycare when bada snapped.

“we’re closed!” you called out, doing some cleaning. you could’ve sworn you locked that door.

“is this what you do? sit here and clean to avoid having to see me at home?” bada says, leaning against the door.

ah right, she has the spare key.

“bada i’m busy.” you say putting the toys in new areas.

she sits on the couch, “chae is with her grandmother. i have time.”

“every talk is an argument bada. why would i want to come home to that?” you say angrily.

“because you argue with me! you start every single argument we have. over absolutely nothing!”

“because you’re still paying for a babysitter when you have me!”

“y/n i understand your frustration but there’s a reason i-“ you cut her off, slamming the toy box against the wall.

“what reason? what could possibly be valid enough to waste money like that?” you raise your voice.

bada doesn’t respond. she bites her lip before nodding her head and leaving.

you decided to stay the night in the daycare after that.

——

after about a week of spending the night in the daycare, you went home. you and bada need to have a talk. you sigh walking into the house when you hear sniffling.

“and i’m not sure what to do. we’ve just been arguing.” you hear your girlfriend say. “she hasn’t been home all week i just…”

“maybe you should break up with her. you’re sitting here crying over someone that doesn’t care about you.” you hear the babysitter say. you walk closer and see them sitting on the couch. you want to interrupt but something tells you not to.

the babysitter, you don’t really care about her name, leans closer to bada, wiping her tears. “you’re very pretty, you shouldn’t be crying over her.” she whispers before leaning in attempting to kiss the crying woman.

you step out but bada backs up. “woah,” she sniffles, “i might be crying over my girlfriend but i’m still very much with her and in love with her. i mean the whole point in me hiring you was cause i didn’t want chae spoiling the proposal. i love my girlfriend.”

“proposal?” you say out loud, cringing after you’re caught.

“baby…” bada says quietly.

you hold your hand up, “you need to leave.” you say to the person sitting on the couch.

“whatever. i could’ve treated her better.” she says standing and grabbing her stuff.

as she walked out of the house, you pushed her before slamming the door in her face. not knowing (or caring) if she fell.

“y/n.” bada sniffles.

“you were.. gonna propose to me?” you question.

“well yeah. chae… chae can’t hold water. remember when she spoiled your birthday necklace? it was convenient having the babysitter cause she can get all the energy out and by the time you get home she’s sleep or she forgot all about it.”

you feel tears hit your eyes, “bada.. fuck i’m the worst girlfriend ever.” you pull her into a hug.

“you’re not the worst ever. but you kinda suck.” bada says making you guys fall to the couch then cuddling into your chest.

“i’m so sorry.” you whisper into her hair. “i love you so much. i promise i’ll spend forever making it up to you.” your hand rubs her back.

“mhm.” she mumbles. she closes her eyes enjoying the feeling.

then chae runs down the stairs. “mommy!! oh.. hi y/n!! did mommy propose to you already?” she asks climbing on bada’s back after noticing the tears in your eyes.

bada groans, “see what i mean?”

Taglist (open! comment to be added!): @waveartistry @sun-nyy @yngtort @elliesblkgirlfriend @jennamc75 @m0r0s1111 @seungxstar @badasbebe @lil-elliesgf @currentfications

a/n: this is gonna have like 2-3 parts😭love y’all