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marithlizard · 5 years ago

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Ace Attorney: Rise From the Ashes (part 1)

A couple of people expressed interest in a writeup as I play through the game, so I thought I’d give quasi-liveblogging a try. It might have come out to be too detailed - let me know if the result is amusing enough to go through the next part.

(I knew this already, but wow liveblogging is a lot of work. And it must take twice as much effort to do this for a show and to include screencaps.)

(I’ve tried three times now to put proper line breaks/spacing in, and they’re just not displaying, at least on desktop. I’m sorry.)

A brief, stylized opening designed not to give away much, except that a creepy-looking doll is involved.

Two months? Phoenix, you haven't taken a single client since Maya left? a) are you depressed, and b) how are you paying rent on the office?

Ookay, you're not going to tell us why you've been moping around. I don't think it's that you have a crush on Maya. Are you just not able to function without a partner? That's not great for your ability to survive, but I can sympathize.

New perky assistant, right on cue. (A partner who isn't a young girl would be a nice change now and then. (But not Larry. Anyone but Larry. In fact, I take it back, this girl with the pink sunglasses will do just fine.))

Oof, Phoenix still not being able to say out loud that Mia's dead.

In the first two minutes pink-glasses girl has asserted that he's his female boss, the coffee boy, and 'better than nothing'. Aha! The problem with all the clients he turned down was that they didn't insult him enough.

Kid, you can't be more than sixteen, and you have silly face buttons on your lab coat. You are about as much a scientific investigator as Photography Girl last episode was a journalist. ...But apparently you have a future job lined up in forensics, so you're more organized than she was. And this world certainly could use more competent crime scene analysis.

"I promised her I'd bring Mia Fey". Huh. Is Mia's murder not well-known to the public, then, even though the Edgeworth case apparently got famous enough to earn Phoenix a bit of a reputation?

A murder charge with an eyewitness, and an assistant who "kind of hates" her sister the defendant. Sounds hopeless, let's do it! Off to the Detention Center.

...Did we just overhear the defendant threatening their terrified guard with a pay freeze? Is she their boss? And if she's someone that high up, why doesn't she already have a better defense attorney?

I like Lana Skye's character design. She looks as though she should be starring in a Takurazuka revue show, swearing eternal star-crossed love to a princess.

She insists she did it. By genre convention we know that can't be the case; my first assumption is that she's being forced to cover for someone, blackmailed or coerced by someone higher up in the system. But it would certainly be interesting if it turned out she was covering for Ema.

Must....resist...plotbunnies...

Oookay. A prosecutor should certainly know ways to commit murder without getting caught, and this sounds like the opposite of those ways. WHY does she claim she did this? You're not even going to ask her, are you? *headdesk*

Ema: "Please ignore that totally gay statement by my sister, because I certainly plan to!"

Lana: "No don't help me, go away go away go away go away go awa-oh fine."

Hmmm. From Ema's description of the behavior change, Lana has been being blackmailed or coerced for a long time now.

Time to go investigate the underground parking garage.

Attorneys aren't supposed to examine crime scenes, and defense attorneys aren't entitled to a copy of the police investigation reports. What does a "normal" defense attorney in this world do for their clients then? Always assume a loss and try to negotiate a plea bargain? I wonder if we'll ever get to see one in action.

It's...a cop with a cowboy fetish? Do police not have dress codes here? Maybe they're waived above a certain level, and some people take pride in cultivating a unique style to show off that they can. It would explain Edgeworth.

You are dramatically pretending to shave in front of us. Also you just called Ema a baby cow. Although you know her and seem sympathetic - I guess Lana brought her little sister to the office sometimes? Not sure what I think of you, Jake Marshall.

I am revising my stance. Being Phoenix's partner on a case requires precise and narrow qualifications. Specifically, just enough sense to stop him from doing something breathtakingly stupid, but not enough sense to take the badge firmly away from him and do the job themselves. Ema fits the bill perfectly.

Ooh, new mechanic! And an ID card number for a Bruce Goodman who dresses like a white-hat agent in Spy vs Spy. (I was trained on games that would require you to write that number down and remember it later, but AA will certainly be more forgiving.)

Using the new mechanic on Phoenix's attorney badge, I deduce that at some point this game it will be stolen.

It doesn't explain Lana's supposed actions, but that red sports car does kind of scream "My owner is a jerk, stuff a body in my trunk." Instead of a chalk outline, they seem to have outlined the hanging body with string? Is that actually a technique, and how do they get the rope to stay put in precise outline?

And the cowboy gives them a hint. So he's on their side but constrained by rules?

Lady put the boobs away. Why are you selling sushi in a negligee under a fur coat, at a crime scene? And why would anyone trust food from someone whose nickname is "the Cough-Up Queen"?

Angel Starr, dominatrix lunch lady. It says something that this is not the weirdest witness in an AA game so far.

She hates prosecutors, and therefore especially Lana. Not a trustworthy witness. But it's probably no fun to cater for a group of (relatively) wealthy and powerful people you despise. Especially if they're smugly giving awards to each other as they eat lunches. (Eeeevil lunches. She probably coughs on them.)

"The rhythmic beat of Lana Skye's knife"... very poetic, but didn't Lana say the victim was stabbed only once?

We can't get back to the car, phooey, so up to the prosecutor's office we go.

Pink...everywhere...no question whose office this is, even if one of his outfits wasn't framed on the wall. (why do you frame an outfit?) I see a very ugly trophy on the sofa, so he's the one who won the award.

Ema: "this is the kind of room that just screams 'I can do the job'. Actually it screams 'I don't need to pretend to be heterosexual', but the two aren't unconnected.

Is it just me or is that trophy broken off at the top?

Edgeworth did you just roll with being insulted and make a joke about it? I'm so proud of you, you've clearly relaxed since your murder trial!

BWAHAHA of course it was Edgeworth's car.

Wendy the security guard from the Steel Samurai case is sending Edgeworth expensive presents?? a) that's both funny and a little sad, b) how can she afford it, and c) he keeps and displays them which is very courteous.

WAIT did you - did this game just heavily suggest Gumshoe hangs out in the office a lot? Twice, once when you look at the shelves and again when you look at the desk? I don't ship it, but this is the point where I start to see why people do.

Awwww he's embarrassed about the trophy, that's cute. So he's the one who "devours the evillest lunches of all", hmm? I wouldn't have thought the Cough-Up Queen's weird not-even-fresh lunches would appeal to Edgeworth's refined tastes.

Ema actually has a bit of a crush, from the way she's rhapsodizing about Edgeworth sleeping on the sofa. d'awww. And I definitely want to know the story behind the outfit. Made by his mom and too precious to wear?

Edgeworth, no one thinks you did it. Sheesh. He certainly doesn't sound happy about having to prosecute Lana, even though he believes she's guilty. His car, his knife... it almost seems like this is a plot aimed at him, or perhaps a plot against Lana with a healthy dose of fuck-you-too-Edgeworth to it.

Huh. Maybe it *is* aimed at him. I've been assuming all this time from his behavior on the stand that Edgeworth has indeed been messing with evidence to convict obviously innocent people, and also assuming that it's common practice in this corrupt justice system. (Much as it is in Japan and in the US). But the way he's talking about rumors right now, it sounds more like he's being slandered. And he thinks the award he was given was out of mockery. Ouch.

So yes, the trophy is broken. (In RWBY, you assume everything is a gun; in AA, you assume everything is a murder weapon. It probably broke when it was used to hit someone over the head.)

Evidence transferal day, huh? Was the murder timed to draw attention away from a case being closed? And Edgeworth parked his car only three minutes before Goodman was stabbed and thrown into its trunk? No way. He was there for the murder, or more likely that's not when the murder happened. (Is he being coerced like Lana? I don't think so, but it's possible.)

Enter an idiot mailman with a bandaged hand. And exit, with sniveling. What was that about?

And a hint to go investigate at the police station. Is Edgeworth being friendly, attempting to signal something, or merely aware that the most efficient way to get rid of Phoenix is to give him a clue to chase?

The police department entrance, with some sort of plywood jester figure in front of it. We're offhandedly informed that it took 30 minutes to get there from Edgeworth's office, which means that will be important later.

This is the creepy doll from the intro! It's clearly meant to be a mascot. Was it made by the sniveling mailman? There's a certain resemblance...

No, I should've guessed that Gumshoe made it. I mean ... mechanically it's pretty clever for someone who's not a craftsman or engineer? Moving articulated limbs and all. It's just the aesthetics and design he shouldn't have been allowed anywhere near.

Yes, yes it is odd that only the top-ranked people are being allowed to work on the case. Are they all in on it? A patrolman in charge of the crime scene instead of a detective - that suggests Marshall is part of the conspiracy. I'm thinking the dominatrix lunch lady is too.

Gumshoe is so happy about the prosecutor's award - Edgeworth probably didn't have the heart to say that for him it's a mockery. Daww. (Also there's something endearingly cheerful about his hopping-caterpillar eyebrows.) He's also being much more helpful than his superiors would want, probably just because he thinks of Phoenix as an ally in general now.

Back to the parking lot, with a letter of introduction in hand this time.

I genuinely can't tell if the lunch lady is a sex worker, if she actually has multiple boyfriends, or if that's code for her professional contacts in whatever she's really doing here. (And that's an interesting cultural bit, isn't it - any of those options seem possible, and I'm not expecting any of the characters to question her competence or morality because of it, not even in court. If this was a US-made game my expectations would be...different.)

"Good men always die young"...I see what you did there, Marshall.

Autopsy report confirms one stab wound. Lana and the victim worked together on "a case a few years back", ding ding ding. Someone didn't want the evidence for that case transferred. Or looked at.

Marshall used to be a detective but got demoted? And he's lying about why he was assigned to the crime scene, and telling us Gumshoe is off the case because he's friends with Edgeworth. The police chief, whoever he is, is now at the top of my suspect list.

Happily, the game will let me do dumbass things like show off Goodman's ID card without consequences. Marshall seems very uninterested in it and why it was found so far from the spot of the murder, which I take to mean "we have our official narrative, don't go messing it up with facts or evidence."

Finally we can examine the car! First up, Lana's cellphone. The whole business about hitting redial and somehow not knowing that Ema's phone rang was weird. Phoenix’s lie couldn't possibly have fooled Marshall, who is bizarrely claiming there's no way to know who the last call was made to. It's an odd thing to conceal, even given the “no facts please we have our narrative” stance. Maybe he's trying to protect Ema somehow?)

Marshall said the rumors about Edgeworth came from Lana. And we have a note found in the trunk: 6-7S 12/2, on a piece of Goodman's stationery.

Er, yeah, Ema, why didn't you mention your sister called you 3 minutes after the claimed murder time? If Lana hung up right away that's hardly incriminating for either of you.

End of Day One! We are, as usual, completely unprepared for tomorrow morning's trial.

#ace attorney #rise from the ashes #ace attorney spoilers

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readingsbylibramc · 4 years ago

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birth chart reading for

@iwasjusttumblingaround

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a locomotive shape. this means that you're a very ambitious person, with a lot of energy. mars has a big influence on you, and your life revolves around taking action and achieving your goals. the empty part of your life is what you have to develop, hence your finances, career, long-term goals and also your relationship with your friends.

your dominant planets are the sun, venus and jupiter. you're an open-minded and bubbly person. you're very sociable and charismatic, and you care about the finest things in life. you probably love fashion, beauty and aesthetics in general, but you're not superficial at all. in fact, you're also extremely poetic, mature and philosophical. people see you as a wise leader, you're a role model and they look up to you.

your dominant sign is aries. you may have a reputation for being impulsive and straight-forward. you don't like beating around the bush, especially when people purposely get on your nerves. on the other hand, you're very loyal and generous when it comes to your loved ones. you're very opinionated, and you always wanna make sure that your voice is heard. you're proud of yourself.

your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and indipendence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.

🌎 ascendant in leo, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by the sun and mars

you’re an extremely confident and bright person, or at least you have a very strong aura around you that makes you look like you are. you have exceptional charisma and presence, in fact this is usually a celebrity placement! you surely don’t go overlooked. you naturally always try your best to make people feel at ease, and you mostly succeed thanks to your warmth, which makes you even more attractive. you probably like being recognized, and you may want to be famous. in fact, you like being in the spotlight and loaded with compliments and appreciation, they incredibly boost your self-confidence. your charisma may sometimes be too noticeable, resulting a bit dramatic; you may gesticulate a lot, imitate voices… basically, you would do amazing at acting, for example. in fact, most actors have a leo rising, or leo placements of any sort. you’re very playful, you most likely look younger than you are for your personality. you may also be a savage, and you’re most likely good at jokes of any kind. you appear as a very bubbly and outgoing person, yet you may be quite secretive. you don’t open up easily, especially about family / private matters. especially with your virgo influence, you’re very picky when it comes to trusting people. in addition, you’re a perfectionist; you care a lot about everything that revolves around you, from physical appearance to your job, you want it all to be perfect. that can cause you a lot of stress, as you always want to seem at your best state, you despise being seen as weak or unprepared. physically, all leos have beautiful hair. you may have curly, perhaps red or dark hair, or at least it’s very thick. you may also get tanned easily, an olive skin tone or any kind of warm undertones to your skin. you may also have thin lips, a distinctive nose or chin shape and a wide forehead. you may be naturally fit, or perhaps you lose fat / gain muscle easily.

leo ascendant conjunct virgo moon: this placement makes you look softer than the typical leo rising. in fact, you're kind of a cancer rising for some traits: you can read people's mood very well, it's easy for you to understand whether someone is sad, angry, happy... because of that, you always try to make people feel at ease, you're always kind with people, and that makes you extremely likeable. also, since the moon rules over feelings and the inner you, you're probably a very genuine person. it's hard for you to hide your real emotions, and even if you wanted to hide them you wouldn't be capable, you're not fake. you could also have frequent mood swings. you have a strong sense of family and comfort to you, and hence it's extremely essential for you feel at ease to truly be yourself. you may also resemble your mother more than your father.

leo ascendant square sagittarius pluto: you're aware that the world is too nasty for your honesty, and hence you may have trust issues. even though you are friendly, you're very picky about who you decide to actually call your friend. you may constantly feel lonely, as if no one were willing to listen and understand you. you live with the fear that others may take advantage of you, hence you end up doing it yourself, unconsciously. you may be controlling, but your chart hints that it's not too much of a big deal. you may have the tendency to do it sometimes, but it's mostly a bad trait of your past life. the universe is testing you to see if you've learned your lesson or not. you have all the skills to avoid this type of behaviour now that you're aware of it.

🌞 sun in aries, 21° / 3rd decan ruled by mars and jupiter

even though you enjoy the idea of love and relationships, your independency is what matters the most for you. you possess strong leadership, which makes you aspire for the best positions in work, school, marriage etc. you don't want to lower your standards. aries have the reputation of being fearless, and that's mainly caused by their impulsiveness. in fact, if they actually thought before acting, they wouldn't be aries lol. some people may even define you as selfless, as you literally put yourself in danger or in awkward situations just to say what you truly think, even if nobody asked. it's apart of your nature, you don't want to go unnoticed. I don't see you being the one starting conflicts, though, especially with your moon conjunct ascendant. you probably just lose your temper when someone challenges you (and it may happen often, to be honest) and you end up attacking them with your words. you hate routine; you always try to spice up your daily life a bit by meeting new people and trying new experiences in general. you enjoy having fun, partying, travelling... you thrive in social situations. you may have troubles making right decisions, as you're quite indecisive. but, once you do choose, no one is gonna stop you from achieving your goals and showing the world who you are. in fact, you gain confidence from your assertiveness, making you pretty proud of your persona as well.

aries sun conjunct aries mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your secretive virgo moon makes you naturally good at writing poetry, or even philosophical quotes. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

🌙 moon in virgo, 4° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

this is the truest virgo decan. you want to have everything under control, you can't bear not being organized. you most probably write down your appointments and stuff on an agenda, or perhaps even in the notes app of your phone. you're extremely precise, you want everything to be perfect. mixed with your leo rising, you probably care a lot about your appearance; you most likely have a skincare routine, workout... just anything that makes you feel healthy. you love taking care of yourself, especially of your hygiene. you also put a lot of effort in your outfits, you fear not being at your best state. you're a perfectionist, after all. this also project in your home environment; you may clean your house thoroughly, it's most likely all neat. in addition, this mania of yours of being perfect makes you have high standards; in fact, you need people in your life that try as much as you do. you despise lazy people. you probably have a reputation for always being calm and elegant, as you try to avoid conflicts as much as possible. you're very smart and insightful, and you strive for perfection; you want to prove your power to yourself, as it helps you boosting your self-esteem. in fact, it depends a lot on your achievements; if you don't meet your expectations, you start going through a hard time of insecurity and struggles. you love communicating, but you may struggle to find the right words, especially with your mercury being in the sign of aries. your eyes talk for you, though. you're also very introspective, and you're fond of art and creativity in general. you're very critical, both of yourself and of others. you don't do it with malice, though, but as I've already mentioned you want to frequent people that try to be at their best all the time, just like you after all.

virgo moon square sagittarius pluto: your emotions are so intense that they almost scare those around you. in fact, you're prone to accentuated mood swings; when you're happy, you start smiling and laughing joyfully. when you're sad, you're the type to cry, scream, even throw up in some cases. that's how far you go with your emotions. maybe, you also feel repressed to express your feelings exactly for this reason. you probably also have a conservative/possessive mother (or just any member of your family), with whom you don't feel at ease expressing your emotions. or maybe, your mother was absent throughout your life. on the other hand, you can understand others' feelings, but be careful not to use it to manipulate others. you could also be very paranoid, and might develop addictions and anxiety disorders, especially with your virgo moon. if you don't feel comfortable speaking to someone you know and there's something you need to talk about, I'd suggest you to do it with a therapist. don't be afraid to face your emotions, you'll only be able to control them if you get know them.

🗣 mercury in aries, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun

you are a fast-thinker, even though that doesn't mean you always take the right choices. in fact, you can change your mind very often. you probably have a beautiful, melodic voice, even though it's likely very loud. you also speak as fast as you think, making it hard sometimes to keep up with you in a speech. you could also switch from a topic to another casually. you don't really enjoy thinking about the past nor the future, you only care about the present and you live it they way you feel; hence, you're not really the type to care about learning from your mistakes. you always see the positive side of them, which can be both good and bad actually. that's because you're quite stubborn, it's hard to make you change your mind. you're very straight-forward, and that could lead you to conflicts as you don't understand the impact your words have on others.

❤️ venus in pisces, 17° / 2nd decan ruled by neptune and the moon

you’re hopelessly romantic, to the point that you almost look naive. you’re not simply looking for a partner or spouse, you’re looking for a soulmate; someone you can literally communicate with just using your eyes, someone that knows how to make you feel even messier on the inside. you like to nurture and feel nurtured in a relationship. your ideal lover would be sensitive and empathetic, yet still with a sort of rebel vibe to them. this placement is indeed very lovely, but it has its downsides too, of course. the problem is, pisces makes you idealize your crushes/partners way too much, to the point that you create an image of someone in your head that turns out to be the opposite at the end. you ignore your partner’s flaws, as they seem perfect to you. pisces also attracts 'broken’ persons, so you may be prone to find yourself people with any kind of illness or addiction. you also have the tendency to fall for people who may hurt you because they’re unavailable, either physically or emotionally. you could possibly also crush on celebrities, movie characters etc. that’s because you’re more the type to fall in love with love, rather than with the actual person.

pisces venus square sagittarius jupiter: you come off as a very positive, happy-go-lucky person. you're extremely friendly, and this makes you be good at social relationships. you may have lots of friends, or at least you have the potential to make many if you opened up and talked to them. yet, while this energy gives you positive vibes, some people may take advantage of that, as you could easily be mistaken for naive. people can try to dominate you unconsciously (sometimes even on purpose) not only in relationships but even in friendships. aside from that, I don't think this placement causes you many problems. you may have the tendency to procrastinate and not work. you could be quite lazy and get easily distracted, as you're constantly with your head in the cloud. yet, thanks to your virgo energy, you still manage to find some motivation to do your work.

pisces venus conjunct pisces saturn: as I've already mentioned above, you're a very affecionate and loyal partner. yet, due to this placement, there could be some insecurity around your love affairs. you may be too cold in relationships, it could be that you have troubles showing your love and affection for others. or perhaps, you're afraid of being in a relationship, and hence you may directly avoid them or break-up all of a sudden. you could literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. because of this, with this placement marriage is usually delayed. it could be hard for you to find your true love, but it'll surely come. you could possibly date people more dominant / older than you, and I'd recommend you to get married after your saturn return, which is around your 27/28s. little side-note, you may often date karmic partners, aka partners from your past lives, so you may often experience this 'I’ve already seen you before’-vibe in your new encounters and relationships, and you’ll always learn something from all your relationships.

☄️ mars in leo, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by the sub and jupiter

praise and success are what motivate you the most. your main goal in life is being praised for achieving your goals, you wouldn't feel motivated without compliments. therefore, you put energy in things that make you feel confident and noticed, as you enjoy being seen. for example, if you feel confident when wearing make-up and a good dress, you could spend hours in the bathroom to look how you want. you are very creative, you get an energy boost through creative outlets, and hence your hobbies (reading, writing, dancing, singing, drawing, etc.) recharge your battery. this placement also makes you very extra, especially with people you're close to. you may gesticulate a lot, you could as well enjoy mimicking others' voices. you're basically very dramatic, you seem like an actress when you react, but at least you're very fun and entertaining to watch and listen. this placement, it gives you a strong charisma that, and combined with your leo rising, it makes it impossible not to notice you. you could overreact from time to time, and you may also be particularly pessimistic, but above all you appear as someone very bold and strong-minded.

🏡 houses, interceptions

your 1st house is in leo. with this placement, you care a lot about your persona, both physically and also mentally too. yet, you may start feeling like you need to be perfect at all costs to be accepted, especially during your early years. for example, you may be the type to follow fashion trends to look cool, and you may subconsciously force yourself to like them. you need to understand that you should enhance your individuality, and ask yourself who you are. it’s not all about who you are outside, the inside matters even more. you’re free to stand out, but make sure that you do it in a comfortable way for you, or it will start becoming toxic as time goes by. especially since your moon is also placed in the 1st house, you need to feel stable and grounded in order to achieve your goals. chiron is also here: your deepest insecurity is your appearance, your identity. it may be that when you were younger, you used to struggle a lot with your appearance. you could have been bullied, or perhaps you could have suffered from an eating disorder. luckily, this placement can get better. in fact, you can gain wisdom from this wound of yours; you can heal others who have self-worth issues once you start loving yourself. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 8th house: you have big goals for your future, you may even want to be famous. they’re basically the centre of your life, it revolves around your goals and achievements. you’re naturally charismatic, you may have a strong sex appeal that makes it hard not to notice you. you probably receive lots of attention.

your 2nd house is in virgo. you have a practical approach to money; even though you may like spending and shopping, I see you being careful with them, and you may even have track of them through an agenda or something like that. you feel the need to be perfect, and that can cause you self-esteem issues. with your heavy leo energy, I assume that this manifests as sudden bursts of insecurity or of confidence, your image of yourself fluctuates a lot. you take pride in your intellect, you are very proud of your ideas, theories and opinions. you could also make money from communication of any kind. you could be a stewardess, as well as a writer, a singer, an host… especially with your heavy leo energy, you’re very creative, you’d definitely would well in such a field. the ruler of the 2nd house is in the 8th house: you could increase your self-esteem through spiritual outlets. for example, getting to know more about your soul purpose, or even about your birth chart, can literally boost your sense of worth. perhaps, you may start loving yourself more even through sex and intimacy in general. you could also make money from yoga, meditation and spiritual outlets, such as astrology, tarots, etc.

your 3rd house is in libra. it’s most likely common for you to include other people in your thoughs and speech. for example, you may often find yourself talking about your partners, your friends, neighbors, celebrities… you probably also like gossips. this placement, on the other hand, gives you an opinionated, even poetic mind. you could be interested in literature for example, and you most likely were good at school. you’re always entertaining to listen to. with the ruler of the 3rd house being in the 7th house, you may meet new people and your future spouse by communicating. basically, you could be the one who has to approach others first in order to make friends. you may also meet friends and partners online through social media, or perhaps you have friends around your neighborhood.

your 4th house is in scorpio. your relationship with your family is most likely very intense, but not necessarily good. it could be that your parents were quite overprotective of you, you felt judged and restricted from acting the way you wanted. or perhaps, they were emotionally distant, your childhood lacked affection. you probably had to grow up sooner than other kids, and it could be that you first came in touch with plutonian topics (drugs, spirits, sex, death etc.) at a young age. you were more mature from this point of view. this challenging childhood of yours is most likely the cause of your unstable self-esteem, and perhaps you also have troubles with long-term goals and dreams too. perhaps, your parents could have been quite violent at times, or they just harmed you psychologically. yet, since jupiter is also placed in this house, I feel like you probably approach this matter with more optimism. you may not even realize the influence your parents had on you. also, it could be that you made a lot of experiences during your childhood that make you have a nice memory of it, like trips, friends, etc. it could also be that you had to move houses a lot too, you could have grown up bilingual perhaps. you could have also moved to another country, or at least you got to travel a lot.

your 5th house is in sagittarius. you most likely love hanging out, you’re a risk-taker and you’re probably quite extroverted too, even though it may take you a while to open up to others. you don’t mind being in company, partying and having fun in general. actually, you find joy and pleasure in them. you may also be fond of light relationships, you’re very experimental when it comes to intimacy, but thanks to your virgo and pisces placements you’re able to understand the true essence of love and settle down when you find the right one. you’re most likely also an extremely creative person, even though you may struggle to make it concrete due to your heavy earth dominance that makes you quite logical. you also have uranus and neptune placed in this house: as I've already mentioned, you're very artistic. you could be particularly skilled at writing, philosophy, poetry and even acting! yet, you may have unusual hobbies; perhaps, you're into a very specific writing style that makes you stand out from the crowd. I consider this an amazing placement for public recognition through creative outlets.

your 6th house is in aquarius. people with aquarius in their 6th house need to change their routine. probably, when you were younger they taught you things that aren't healthy for your body and health. you may have to change your diet, your medicines... also, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. I don't think you do it often, you still have a strong virgo and earth dominance in your chart, but for example you wouldn't mind skipping a day of school or work to play videogames. aquarius here also indicates that you may often come across unpredictable events in your daily life. you may often see strange, unordinary things, or perhaps it's your routine that is like that. you may lack consistency when it comes to diets and health, for example; you may start a diet and keep it for a month, then you get tired and drop it all of a sudden. you could also develop unexpected diseases. the ruler of the 6th house is in the 5th house: this placement confirms that you would do amazing at a career that involves creativity and pleasure. you could be a writer, a singer, an actress, a photographer... in general, anything that allows you to be creative.

your 7th house is in aquarius, with also venus and saturn in a tight conjunction sitting here. you do like the idea of marriage and love, yet you need your space as well. you don’t want to feel committed in a relationship, it would be suffocating for you. that could make you appear as emotionally cold or detached, when you’re really not. you just care a lot about your personal growth, especially after your turbulent childhood. perhaps, you could even attract mentally unstable partners, they could be a bit moody for example. saturn here makes things a little bit complicated, though; you’re probably attracted to partners that are older than you, or at least that are very mature. there is a lot of karma surrounding your relationships; a few unsolved issues from past lives may make them challenging. I feel like you probably don’t really date anyone. I assume that you dream of finding your true love, but at the same time you’re also extremely picky with who you date, you have high standards. even though it looks like the safest way, you should actually try to solve these issues. some hardships may arise, but what matters the most is that you learn from them. don’t be afraid to date people, and above all don’t expect every relationship to be good. it’s also recommended to get married after your saturn return with this placement, hence after your 27/28 years. last but not least, you may meet your spouse in an unexpected situation. the ruler of the 7th house is in the 5th house: you may meet your future spouse at your work place for example, or even in a fun situation. you may meet on a saturday night, at a party, at the club, etc. any place where you're supposed to relax, maybe even during a vacation.

your 8th house is in pisces. you may have many dreams, you’re very artistic and creative. yet, due to this placement, you struggle to let this side of you out and make it concrete. I assume that the reason for this blockage is your rationality. you’re way too logical, and you don’t leave space for your imagination. that’s probably caused by the fact that you’re afriad of being seen as a failure, and hence you don’t really go out of your comfort zone when it comes to your ideas. to reach your state of happiness, you need to turn what you dream about into reality, especially since the sun and mercury also placed in this house. in addition, you're probably quite fearless unlike other leo risings; you could be able to stay collected even during stressful situations. you have a very deep and complex personality, you're secretive and hard to understand, but you surely have strong morals and beliefs. the ruler of the 8th house is in the 5th house: you include taboo, 8th house matters in your hobbies; astrology, horror, occult, sex, psychology… or perhaps, you could work in one of those fields. you may also handle someone else’s money, hence you could work in a bank.

your 9th house is in aries. you have a joyful, child-like approach to adventures. you strive for freedom, you want to be your own boss. you don’t want others to tell you what to do. you could have been quite competitive at school; it felt like a challenge to you, you always felt the need to be the best, n. 1 student in your class. you could have even overworked yourself for the sake of victory. now that you're not in school anymore, this may manifest as a strong passion for your beliefs, so strong that you don't allow to express others their thoughts and opinions. you're very impulsive, and you may often speak with a loud voice that makes you sound like a know-it-all. on a positive side, this placement makes you extremely motivated to achieve your goals. with the ruler of the 9th house being in the 12th house, you may be interested and you learn a lot about occult topics, such as astrology, tarots, dreams, etc. possibly, you're also interested in psychology.

your 10th house is in taurus. when it comes to work, you’re quite materialistic. you want to earn a great income from your job, you aspire to be wealthy, and luckily with your virgo dominance you probably don’t lack ambition. yet, as I’ve already mentioned in the previous sections, you shouldn’t procrastinate nor be lazy, you should break free from your limitations and work hard to visualize and achieve your goals, or it may be hard for you to have a stable career life. you may be attracted to artistic careers, such as designing for example, or even stuff like food. with your mercury being conjunct venus, you also have an attractive voice that could make you earn money. you could be a singer, a rapper, a writer… even a judge or a politician, as well as an actor or comedian. you would do well at a variety of things to be honest! but make sure that you understand who you want to be. the ruler of the 10th house is in the 7th house: you would feel more at ease working in groups with other people rather than alone, and you most likely will. you may also meet your future spouse at work.

your 11th house is in gemini. in your friends, you seek mental stimulation. you wouldn’t stand someone too chill, you need someone who’s always up for an adventure. your friends are most likely very witty and intelligent, even though you may not have a stable relationship with them. in fact, they may often change, as you could get bored easily, or in general you just meet a lot of people in your life that it’s natural to detach from someone else. same goes for your goals; you want to do different, several things in your life, all different from each other. actually, you have the potential to be great in different fields, but if you don’t decide what matters the most to you, you may come across some troubles, so beware of that. with the ruler of the 11th house in the 8th house, your friends may be very wealthy / spoiled, or at least very confident. your long-term goals most likely revolve around money and confidence, they’re very important for you. your friends could also be your soulmates, and hence you were also friends in a past life.

lastly, your 12th house is in leo. this is kind of a tricky placement, as leo rules the self, the ego, and the 12th house rules fears. you could be afriad of being too confident, of feeling worth it, or even just by being in the spotlight. perhaps, you have stage fright. this fear of embracing your persona makes you very insecure, even though you probably don't show it. also, since your 12th house is the house of dreams, you could often make dreams that involve yourself. you hardly ever dream of someone else, and if you they're probably your lovers, possibly your friends. you may also make daydreams or sleeping dreams of creative, utopic scenarios. mars is also placed in this house: you probably struggle to be assertive, and you function better when you're alone. this placement could make you way more chill than other aries individuals, as you tend to repress your instincts, probably out of fear. probably, you're very opinionated, but at the end of the day you never seem to express your thoughts without sounding rude or discussing with someone.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract aquarius, sagittarius, pisces, capricorn and aries. your future spouse will most likely have capricorn and aries traits placements. they’ll be very similiar to you: bold and opinionated, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. as I’ve already mentioned before, you may meet them during a fun situation, hence at a party, during a vacation, in a restaurant, at a concert… also, your spouse will most likely be one of your soulmates, and hence once you meet them you’ll probably have this 'I’ve already seen you before’ feeling. they’ll seem very familiar, and you’ll find emotional comfort in them. your children will most likely have strong sagittarius, pisces, capricorn and / or aquarius traits: they’ll be very daring and brave, but also very funny and warm. also, they’ll be extremely intelligent and more mature as time goes by.

👶🏻 family life

I won’t say much in this section as I’ve already talked about your childhood in the 4th house section. anyways, your mother was probably the most dominant figure in your family. she was very intense, even scary at times, especially when she got angry. she might’ve also been very possessive or overprotective. she could have scorpio or aries placements in her chart, as well as sagittarius or pisces. as for your father, he was more laid-back, but probably very stubborn and also quite protective too. he may have taurus or libra placements in his chart. if you have siblings, your relationship with them may be very peaceful, even though it may take you a while to actually get along. probably, you weren't much close when you were younger.

📊 career

luckily, there are many aspects in your chart that indicate that you’ll be able to earn a big amount of money from your future job. it will most likely allow you to communicate your feelings, and it will also be the key to finally achieve a stable relationship with your self-image and worth. there are strong placements in your chart that point out to acting and writing talent, as well as singing talent. you’re just a very charismatic speaker, so I’d suggest you to take advantage of this natural talent of yours to earn money, luck and self-esteem. you may also become famous, not hollywood-like, but at least you could get popular in your agency for example, your efforts will be recognized.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

you love wearing comfy, even over-sized fits, but that still look stylish and modern. for example, you may be fond of wide leg trousers, oversized t-shirts or sweatshirts... for the colors, you may fancy pastel colors, especially different shades of blue, or even just natural colors, such as white, beige, kaki etc. you may also like wearing baby/pastel colors, and you may experiment a lot with accessories. you may wear lots of bracelets.

👁 past life, life purpose

during this lifetime, it is probably easy for you to get out of your comfort-zone. you don't mind learning, making new experiences and challenging yourself, but this lifetime you don't need to go that far. you need to prove that what you learned in your past life is the key to nurture your skills, and be able to apply them in a smaller environment. you may find yourself travelling a lot, gaining lots of widsom from your experiences... in this lifetime, you basically need to learn through the experiences you gained in your previous life to communicate your thoughts. you need to understand how to communicate who you are to the world.

🤔 major transits analysis / september 19th

with venus transiting your 12th house, it may be a hard time for you when it comes to relationships. you may feel rejected and easily irritated, and you just can’t seem to find someone you get along with. at least, you’re able to take care of yourself more. use this moment to learn more about yourself, maybe even through spiritual outlets like astrology, or perhaps tarots, meditation etc. also, this year your focus is mostly on your career, work environment. you may undergo different changes in your routine, probably unexpected situations at work. yet, you’ll get out stronger and with more knowledge with you, which will help you gain more maturity and awareness when it comes to jobs.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, I hope it resonated with you :)

#astrology #birth chart #birth chart reading #horoscope

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atlantic-riona · 5 years ago

Text

A Retelling of Bricriu’s Feast

(or, as I like to call it, “Who Will Be Ireland’s Top Couple?”)

disclaimer: this is a very paraphrased, pieced together retelling of a myth. it’s got bits that are summarized and bits that are added and bits that are skipped over and bits that are from a ton of different versions.

it’s how I would tell this story to someone who has no prior knowledge of Irish myths; when I retell Irish myths to kids, this is usually the style I tell them in. it’s meant to be funny and entertaining. it’s not at all scholarly. if you want the actual myths, please feel free to ask! I’ll tell you my sources so you can see the original.

with that out of the way, here we go:

Bricriu throws a feast and he’s trying to get all the Ulstermen to fight

bear in mind he spent a year building a lavish house SPECIFICALLY for this purpose, with a secret balcony for him to be able to see everything going on without being seen

Bricriu is The Troublemaker™ of Ireland

anyway when everything’s ready, off he goes to Emain Macha, where the king of Ulster (Conchobar) and the Ulaid (men of Ulster) are throwing their own party

Bricriu tells Conchobar about all the cool house he built and how he’s throwing a feast there, wouldn’t he like to come? Conchobar, not being great at recognizing when Mischief Is Afoot, is like, “sweet! I’ll go if everybody else will go”

then good old Fergus mac Roich and all the other chieftains go, “mmm...hard pass”

“if we go to his feast, he’ll make us fight, and then our dead will outnumber the living”

you think they’re being dramatic but you haven’t seen Bricriu’s response yet

Bricriu: if you don’t go to my party I’ll do way worse than that

Conchobar *side eyes him*: like...what?

Bricriu: I’ll make all the kings and warriors and youths and chiefs fight each other, and you’ll all murder each other unless you come to my party

Conchobar:

the other Ulaid:

Conchobar: yeah, no, we do that on a daily basis anyway. what else you got?

Bricriu: okay, if that’s not bad enough, I’ll make all the daughters and mothers fight each other, and if that’s not enough for you, I’ll make all the women fight each other until their breasts are RUINED

the Ulaid: *horrified gasp*

Fergus, a known womanizer: noT THE WOMEN

Fergus: we gotta go to this party

luckily, the other chieftains hold off long enough to come up with a plan (mainly due to Sencha, a judge and poet, who is like. the only one here with any common sense)

and their plan is to demand hostages from Bricriu to ensure their safety AND as soon as the feast is ready to be eaten, eight swordsmen will force Bricriu to leave the room so he can’t incite them to violence

outwardly Bricriu’s all, “of course! no problem! I just want us all to have a good time!” while on the inside he’s cackling maniacally or something

“YES THEY FELL INTO MY TRAP”

all the Ulaid happily march off to Bricriu’s new house (free food! drink! a good time had by all! except NOT)

Bricriu spends the whole time plotting, and finally hits upon a way to incite mischief (as he usually does) along the way

he sidles up to a hero named Loegaire and starts praising him (very poetically, might I add), and finally tells him that he definitely deserves the Champion’s Portion

[scholarly digression #1: the Champion’s Portion in Irish mythology is where the warrior who’s considered the bravest is awarded the best cut of meat and given precedence over all others. lots of fights get started over it. like this one!]

and Loegaire’s like, “no duh, of course I deserve it”

Bricriu says that Loegaire should take his advice if he wants to be recognized as The Best in Ireland, and Loegaire happily agrees (I guess he also is Unable To Recognize when there is Mischief Afoot)

Bricriu then goes off and describes what the Champion’s Portion will be at his feast

(it’s a descriptive list, Irish myths do this a lot, but basically it goes like this: a cauldron big enough to fit three men full of wine, a boar and a cow that will be super tasty because of how they’ve been fed, and 100 wheatcakes cooked in honey)

forgot to mention that the Champion’s Portion doesn’t just have to be the best cut of meat, so there’s that

and then he tells Loegaire that when the feast is ready, to have his charioteer stand up and the Champion’s Portion will be given to him

questions: how?? where is it all gonna go?? is Loegaire expected to eat that in one sitting???

alas, there are no answers given to us

by the end of this, Loegaire’s all pumped up and tells Bricriu that the portion better be given to him, or else blood will be spilled

when Conchobar said that killing each other was a daily occurrence, he wasn’t kidding, guys

Bricriu then goes to Conall Cernach, another hero, and repeats the same spiel, amping up the deceit, so he’s twice as slimy, I guess

Conall also doesn’t recognize Stranger Danger and falls for the lies

THEN Bricriu goes to Cúchulainn (who is, just so you know, the Hero of this particular cycle of Irish mythology), and really lays it on thick

Bricriu: why should anybody else get the Champion’s Portion when you exist?

Cúchulainn: anyone who tries to take the Champion’s Portion besides myself will lose their head, courtesy of me

Bricriu: nice. very violent

Bricriu then goes and mingles like there’s no tomorrow, pretending that he didn’t just set up the most awful prank ever

they get to the house, everybody settles in, the feast gets set up, and then everybody gives Bricriu The Look

as he’s being escorted out at swordpoint, he points out the Champion’s Portion and says it should go to the best warrior in Ulster

the Irish equivalent of Eris throwing the Apple of Discord into the midst of the Greek gods, only manlier

the three heroes’ charioteers stand up in order to get the champion’s portion for their respective masters and do a collective double take when they see the others, only with more shouting and insults

then the three heroes start fighting while the rest of the Ulaid sit at the table, looking at each other like “I just wanted to eat my food, can we please not”

finally Sencha tells Conchobar, “hey. can you like...be the king and stop this?” (I told you he was the only one with any common sense)

Conchobar and Fergus break up the fight and then Sencha says, “right, here’s how this is going to work. we’re going to divide it equally among everybody tonight—YES, everybody, sit down, Loegaire—and then tomorrow we’ll get judgement from elsewhere. everybody go off and get drunk now”

which they do, happily

Bricriu, sitting in his hidden balcony with his wife, is Not Pleased at the way his mischief is being ruined, courtesy of Sencha, and starts thinking up ways to start up fights between the wives who accompanied their husbands here

he sees Fedelm, the wife of Loegaire, leaving the hall with her fifty attendants, in search of fresh air (because they’d all been drinking a lot) and goes, “oh! new idea!”

he tells her (and then as they come out in turn, Conall’s wife Lendabair and Cúchulainn’s wife Emer) that whoever gets back inside the hall first is the Best Woman in Ulster

all the ladies are like, “nice. it’s going to be me”

gotta love that confidence

they mosey about outside, breathe in that nice night air, and then eventually decide to go back in and rejoin the party

so at first, they’re walking back all stately. then, they start to move faster. and then it becomes an all out sprint

they cause so much noise (because their attendants are really confused and also running, and there’s probably about a hundred of those people) that all the warriors, inside, think they’re under attack

they jump up and make as if to kill each other

because that’s a good reaction

but then again, as you’ve seen, the Ulaid will kill each other for no reason at all, so why are we surprised

but Sencha’s like “WAIT THIS IS BRICRIU AGAIN” so he orders the doors to be shut so that there won’t be fighting and killing on behalf of the women

Emer’s the fastest, so just as the door closes she reaches the entrance and tells them to open it because she won. Cúchulainn’s like, “sweet,” and gets up to open the door for her, but then the other ladies’ husbands go, “wait. MY wife is the best,” and they get up too

they don’t even know what their wives are competing in, but they support them anyway

now THAT’S some relationship goals right there

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Conchobar’s all “STOP STOP STOP” and makes them all sit down (though if I was going to bet on that fight I would bet on Cúchulainn) and he says they’ll have to duel this out with words

(epic rap battle)

(but not really)

so each of the other ladies give a quick speech about how they’re the bestest and queenliest and prettiest, and their husbands are the greatest heroes, and so they should be let in first

and then Emer destroys them

she’s like, “okay you might be pretty but actually WAIT NO YOU’RE NOT”

“I’m the most beautiful AND I’m the wisest AND I’m the most graceful in the whole darn country”

“and everybody KNOWS IT”

“Mary Poppins might be practically perfect in every way, but I’m actually perfect in every way”

(obviously I’m doing some extreme paraphrasing here)

and then she goes, “oh, you know who else is perfect? my husband�� and basically calls the other ladies’ husbands feeble when compared to Cúchulainn and goes on a rant on how great her husband is

anyway, after this praise, all the husbands are all, “yeah, my wife is DEFINITELY the Best so I’m gonna let her in now. doors? who needs doors?”

the other two rip out parts of the wall so their wives can come in

but Cúchulainn casually lifts up one side of the house so Emer AND all her attendants (plus the other wives’ attendants) can get in

which they do, and Emer’s looking around like, “yep, I am the Best and so’s my husband, beat that”

and then Cúchulainn goes “meh” and drops the house, but it goes too far into the ground so it’s lopsided now

which happens to knock Bricriu and his wife over off their secret balcony into the mud

so Bricriu storms into the house, unrecognizable because he’s covered in mud, points a finger at the Ulstermen and yells, “FIX THIS,” and puts a geis on them so they won’t eat or sleep or drink until everything in his house has been put back in order

and the Ulstermen are like “oh no” “our dinner is in danger”

(as their dinner often is)

so they go out and do their best, but it doesn’t budge. they ask Cúchulainn to fix it and he tries to lift the house again, but fails. he gets angry about this and gets undergoes his warp spasm (a.k.a. all his hair gets sucked into his head and his ribs become really prominent and a lot of weird stuff happens to him. like the Hulk, but more disturbing. I don’t know. Cúchulainn goes through a lot) and puts the house back where it was.

then everybody’s like, “thank god, food,” and they sit down to eat.

but everybody’s still talking about who is The Best, and the women are still arguing about it, which makes their husbands get up in arms about it, so finally Sencha (still the only one with any common sense) goes, “guys. please. we’re eating. save the drama for after the food”

and Emer goes, “make me” and proceeds to reiterate why she and Cúchulainn are The Best. why? because she can. and nobody’s gonna stop her.

so Connall says to her, “okay, and? let’s see him do all this great stuff you’ve been saying he can do”

dude’s looking for a fight I guess

Cúchulainn, normally all about fighting everybody, passes because he had a busy day and needs to recuperate before fighting anyone

which is true, he had a very busy day. he was busy wrestling a horse that came out of a lake so he could ride it everywhere.

goals

and then he lifted up an entire house. twice. dude’s tired

he tells everybody this and then says, “fighting you will be fun, but later. need to eat. and sleep. then I’ll fight and maybe kill you”

*thumbs up*

anyway the fighting is put on hold for a couple days

but then the heroes start bickering about it, so Bricriu tells them to go to a man named Curoi mac Daire so he can judge them

you know the drill. each hero sets out separate from the others and rides through the night, with their charioteers. at some point a magic mist shows up and makes them lose their way. a giant appears and they fight. Conall and Loegaire end up running away, ditching their chariots and charioteer. tsk, tsk. Cúchulainn, however, beats up the giant, who forfeits. Cúchulainn heads back towards Emain (and he brings the other heroes’ stuff back with him to boot)

do they thank him? ABSOLUTELY NOT

Bricriu’s about to give Cúchulainn the Champion’s Portion, but the other heroes go “uh-uh. no way. that was not human. that was a guy from the Otherworld. he’s probably a friend of Cúchulainn’s. that whole thing was RIGGED”

so nothing’s solved and everyone’s back to fighting again

Conchobar’s all, “gotta get these guys OUT of here,” and decides to bring them to Aillil and Medb in Cruachan (a rival king and queen, who are kind of like the Ulaid’s frenemies? it’s complicated)

everybody heads off to Cruachan, but Cúchulainn hangs behind to entertain the ladies by performing feats with apples and knives and javelins, as one does

his charioteer Laeg finally goes up to him and says , “dude. buddy. are you stupid or what? everybody else has already reached Cruachan by now, you’ve lost the Champion’s Portion”

this is usually how Laeg talks to him, btw

running on Pure Spite™, Cúchulainn says, “I think NOT” and they set off towards Cruachan, Laeg insulting him the whole way to make him go faster

they go so fast that they get there first

also they cause an earthquake on the way in

rip

more feasting commences

then Conchobar brings up why they’re here and gets Aillil and Medb to agree to be the judge. as soon as that’s done, he and the other Ulstermen yeet themselves out of there as fast as possible

depending on the version, three magic cats attacked the heroes while they were eating or while they were sleeping. either way, Conall and Loegaire jump to the rafters and stay there for the rest of the night.

Cúchulainn doesn’t do anything until one of the cats tries to eat him or tries to eat his food (it’s unclear). either way, Cúchulainn ain’t having it. he tries to chop off its head, but it bounces off the creature’s neck. because magic. so he basically stays on guard against the cats all night

(kind of reminds me of all my friends with cats who try to walk on their faces during the night so they have to protect themselves)

(Extreme Cat Owner Sport)

in the morning, the cats disappear, Aillil and Medb come in. “awesome, looks like we have a winner,” they say, eager to wash their hands of the Ulster heroes. “NO WAY,” say Conall and Loegaire. “that was RIGGED. this is a contest between MEN, not MAGIC PEOPLE. this doesn’t count”

it’s unclear whether they’re still in the rafters at this point. I like to think they are, because that’s way funnier

Aillil’s like “oh dear” and sits in his bedroom for a few days because he’s so worried about this. finally Medb loses patience (as Medb often does), and says, “you coward! make up your mind or I will”

Aillil waffles and says the decision is really difficult

Medb says, “think again. Loegaire and Conall Cernach are as different as bronze and silver, while Conall Cernach and Cúchulainn are as different as silver and gold. this decision is a piece of cake”

and then Medb goes, “wait, I just had a really great idea that will get these guys out of our hair AND make Conchobar upset. I’m going to do it”

“you’re not even going to think about it for a second?” Aillil says uncertainly

“absolutely not. I’m a genius.” and away she goes

she summons the heroes one by one

to Loegaire, she says, “you are Ulster’s greatest hero and you deserve the Champion’s Portion. here’s a bronze cup. but don’t show it to anybody until you get back to Ulster, m’kay?”

Loegaire goes “nice” and they both drink some wine. then he leaves for Ulster

she does the same spiel for Conall, only he gets a silver cup instead of a bronze. they drink, he leaves.

Medb sends someone for Cúchulainn because he hasn’t shown up yet.

in one version, he’s asleep.

in another, he’s playing chess with Laeg.

anyway, the messenger shows up and Cúchulainn offs him with either a rock or a chess-piece. he’s a big fan of killing the messenger. this is not a new thing.

Medb puts her arms around his neck (is she trying to hug him? stab him? who knows) but Cúchulainn is all “you’re about to get slaughtered if you don’t get your hands off me”

“but Cúchulainn, I was going to say that you’re The Best,” Medb says, very slyly

“well in that case let’s go”

they go, Medb tells him that he’s The Best, and gives him a really sweet golden cup with precious gems all over it. and, bonus, she says that Emer is also The Best

this makes Cúchulainn happy. he drinks a lot of wine and leaves.

which makes Medb and Aillil happy. everybody’s happy.

but it is not The End yet

in some versions there are more tests, but I’ll sum them up for you: everybody agrees Cúchulainn and Emer are The Best

there is definitely a pattern here

gosh if only a decision had been reached by multiple sources as to who’s the best so that all this fighting could be put to rest

alas

it was not to be

back on the ranch

in Ulster, all the heroes are back and it is Feasting Time

everything’s been served except for...

dun dun dun

the Champion’s Portion

someone asks the obvious question: “who’s it going to? none of the three returned with a prize from Medb”

DUN DUN DUN

Loegaire stands up and proclaims that he is the champion because Medb said so and also he has this wicked bronze cup she gave him so there

Conall Cernach and Cúchulainn scoff

Conall Cernach stands up and says “it is a well known fact that rock beats scissors and furthermore, that silver beats bronze”

he holds up the silver cup Medb gave him and declares himself the winner

“that’s a no, actually,” Cúchulainn says, and pulls out the really sweet golden cup Medb gave him. “rock beats scissors and silver beats bronze, but gold beats everything. so, actually, I’m The Best. also Medb said Emer is The Best so there.”

“absolutely not,” the other two say. “you totally paid Medb and Ailill to give that to you. LET’S FIGHT”

these two are very sore losers, aren’t they

Cúchulainn’s all “COME AT ME” but Conchobar and Fergus step in to restrain the other two (again)

sad

anyway, everybody agrees that this is getting to be way too much but they can’t think of a solution

what do they do

THEY FEAST OF COURSE

so everybody’s feasting and whatnot, when suddenly the doors blow open, all dramatic like

and in comes a giant, who’s super ugly and frightening. he’s carrying an axe and a chopping block

surprising no one, he’s not here to sell some Girl Scout cookies

it gets really awkward because the giant’s glaring at them and they’re trying to avoid his gaze until finally Sencha asks what he wants

the giant says “I want to meet someone who can keep a bargain. I’ve been all over the world looking for such a person, but I haven’t found him yet. I’ve heard that you Ulstermen are always boasting about your bravery and your honor, so I’m here to put it to the test.”

Conchobar goes “alright, sounds lit. what’s the bargain?”

“well, first of all, you and Fergus are disqualified because you’re kings, so jot that down,” the giant says. “my bargain is this: someone chops off my head tonight, and I chop off yours tomorrow”

(scholarly digression #2: this sounds like a King Arthur story to you, doesn’t it? good news! the two stories are indeed related.)

anyway it doesn’t sound like a great bargain to any of the Ulstermen and so they kind of just stare at the giant

the giant finally says (I guess he really wants to play a head-chopping game) “isn’t there some sort of champion competition going on here? who’s the bravest in all the land and all that? well? come on up here and show me who’s the bravest”

all eyes turn to Loegaire

who’s not looking thrilled to be chosen first, let’s be honest

so Loegaire meanders unwillingly over to the giant and says “I chop your head off, right?”

“that’s right,” says the giant placidly. “and then tomorrow I chop off yours”

not exactly reassuring

“but, uh” says Loegaire. the giant hands him the axe. “if I chop your head off won’t you be dead?”

the giant lays his head on the chopping block and says “if I chop your head off, will you?”

which is the teensiest bit chilling, ya know?

but in the end peer pressure wins out and Loegaire chops off the giant’s head, which bounces across the room from the force of the blow

gruesome

everything’s silent for a moment. the giant doesn’t move. Loegaire breathes a sigh of relief.

then the giant gets up, walks across the room to pick up his head, walks back across the room and retrieves the axe from a horrified Loegaire, grabs the chopping block and says “see you tomorrow night.”

he leaves, his neck still streaming blood.

it puts everyone off their dinner, which is the real tragedy of the night

so the next night, everyone is again assembled, but this time they’re waiting for the giant to show up and kill Loegaire (I guess ‘cause there was nothing better to do)

the giant shows up, but Loegaire fled Emain and no one knows where he went

honestly? I don’t blame him

“sad,” the giant says. “who’s next?”

all eyes turn to Conall

he also does not look thrilled at being singled out

but again, peer pressure wins out, so he chops off the giant’s head

probably hoping that this time the death would actually stick

but it didn’t

giant gets up, retrieves his head and belongings, and heads out. “see you tomorrow night.”

tomorrow night arrives, and everybody’s waiting. the giant shows up, but Conall is nowhere to be seen.

“hmph,” says the giant. “you’re all miserable cowards, the lot of you. Ulster’s full of boasters but no brave men. say, where’s Cúchulainn?”

a few fingers point

“he’s a miserable squinting fellow, I’ve heard, but let’s see if he can keep his word”

Cúchulainn’s all “thanks but no thanks” so the giant shrugs and says, “fine, I get it. you’re just scared of dying. not brave at all. oh, well.” he turns to leave

“whAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?”

spoilers: Cúchulainn does Not Like being called a coward

he jumps up, runs forward, and grabs the axe from the giant

“LET’S GO”

he chops off the giant’s head, the giant gets back up and says “see you tomorrow night”

one version I read has Emer none too happy about this, and I kind of like it

“seriously Cúchulainn?? a mysterious stranger shows up and recovers from a beheading, and you agree to let him chop off your head? how can you be The Best if you’re DEAD”

priorities

tomorrow night arrives, the giant shows up and bellows “where is Cúchulainn?”

“here I am,” Cúchulainn says. he’s a lil depressed. understandably.

the giant has him come over to the chopping block and lay his head down. “stretch out your neck more,” the giant says

“it’s stretched,” Cúchulainn says

“it’s too tiny for me to chop. stretch it out more.”

Cúchulainn grumbles, most likely at the implication that he’s short, but stretches his neck out as far as it can go

the giant raises the axe

everybody looks away

the giant brings down the axe so that it lands on the floor. “congrats, you win”

everybody’s all “???”

( Cúchulainn’s all “neato I’m not dead”)

the giant says “you win the contest. you get the Champion’s Portion because you are the greatest hero in Ulster. also Emer is the greatest lady in Ulster. together, you two are The Best”

“aww yes,” Emer shouts. “also I’m glad you’re not dead, hon!”

“and,” the giant says, “anybody who contests this decision can FIGHT ME”

since he can recover from beheadings, nobody takes him up on the offer

Bricriu asks (like he doesn’t already know, pshh) who the giant is. the giant explains that he is Curoi Mac Daire, and he already judged the three of them when Bricriu asked him to (he was the giant that attacked them on the road), and he had chosen Cúchulainn as the winner. he came the last few nights to make sure that his verdict was upheld, since he knew Cúchulainn would be the only man in all of Ireland brave enough to fulfill his part in the bargain.

then he vanishes, and Cúchulainn is awarded the Champion’s Portion, and Emer is given the honor of going before all the other women in Ulster

and that’s how they became Ireland’s Top Couple

The End

#mine #retelling #irish mythology #ulster cycle #bricriu's feast #this was really fun #but it got really long #(it is one of the longest stories in the Ulster Cycle)

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theresaplatypuscontrollingme · 5 years ago

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Lover Review (Long Post Warning)

Now that I’ve listened to the complete album six times today, I feel qualified enough to review it. Spoiler Alert: I FUCKING LOVE IT. 9.4/10

1. I Forgot That You Existed (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:

And I would've stuck around for ya Would've fought the whole town, so yeah Would've been right there, front row Even if nobody came to your show

Favorite Vocals: I’m obssesed with how she sings “ And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn't” in the last chorus. Love it so much 13/10

Overall Thoughts: I love this song. It’s catchy and was the one that was stuck in my head after finally going to bed at 2:30. I get excited every time i realize it’s coming back on next.

2. Cruel Summer (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you”

Favorite Vocals: When she shouts “he looks up grinning like a devil” is a religious experience. So into it.

Overall Thoughts: It’s fun and sounds very 1989.

3. Lover (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years”

Favorite Vocals: “Swear to be over dramatic and true to my lover And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me” my favorite lines to hear and sing.

Overall Thoughts: gorgeous song. If I ever get married I would play this at my wedding. very romantic

4. The Man (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“They'd say I hustled, put in the work They wouldn’t shake their heads and question how much of this I deserve” (YOU DESERVE ALL OF THIS TAYLOR ilysm)

Favorite Vocals:

“What's it like to brag about raking in dollars And getting bitches and models? And it's all good if you're bad And it's okay if you're mad If I was out flashing my dollars I'd be a bitch, not a baller”

Overall Thoughts: I was kinda worried about this song before hearing it but I’m obsessed. Beat: amazing. Lyrics: fantastic and so truthful. vocals: fabulous.

5. The Archer (8/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“All the king's horses, all the king's men Couldn't put me together again 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends”

Favorite Vocals: “I say I don’t want that but what if I do”

Overall Thoughts: it’s pretty. I love synth pop so i’m very into the sound of it. It doesn’t strike me as a true track five though. Not enough of a story for me. All too Well was so descriptive and had such raw emotion that you can just feel listening to it. This definitely has the emotion but lacks to the description to really transport me somewhere.

6. I Think He Knows (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans”

Favorite Vocals:

“Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh We could follow the sparks, I'll drive ‘So where we gonna go?’ I whisper in the dark”

Overall Thoughts: This is the other song that was stuck in my head from my first 2 listens. Dress was a sultry “sexy” song and this is playful af. Definitely gonna be dancing to this in my kitchen until to the end of time.

7. Miss America & The Heartbreak Prince (10/10)

Favorite Lyrics:

“ You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes”

American stories burning before me I'm feeling helpless, the damsels are depressed Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men? Darling, I'm scared (Ah)

Favorite Vocals:

It's you and me, that's my whole world They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl"

and when she sings

“just thought you should know”

Overall Thoughts: WOW. this song is fantastic and every time i listen I find something else I love about it. also same to “darling I’m scared” because America is terrifying right now. The lyrics and vocals are both so strong. this song also reminds me of another song but i can’t put my finger on it yet. at first I thought it was a little gwen stefani(hollaback girl) and then i was thinking cher llyod and then i was like maybe it’s pink(the Truth About Love)? Still can’t think of the song it makes me think of but I’ll figure it out sometime.

8. Paper Rings 30/10 Just kidding that would throw off my scoring but (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “ I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this”

Favorite Vocals: “ In paper rings in picture frames in dirty dreams”

Overall Thoughts: I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this song. I’ve listened to it 6 times and cried 3 out of the six. This song is so reminiscent of the fearless era to me that it just reminds me of being 15. I feel like I’m 15 again listening to this. it’s like I’m transported back before all the bad shit in my life really started to happen. Then it makes me think about all the teens who are 15 now and getting to experience this song and this feeling and then i cry for 10 minutes lol. I cried typing this.

9. Cornelia Street (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “We bless the rains on Cornelia Street”

Favorite Vocals:

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

Overall Thoughts: I was so happy to hear this song! this is the RED type of soundtrack that I spent months wishing for. (im very happy with what we got but red is my favorite album in existence so i’m hoping for more of that some day.) It gives me major RED vibes and reminds me of starlight a little bit. I love the imagery as well. I’ve never been to Cornelia St but i can picture it. I’m transported. MORE OF THIS PLEASE.

10. Death By a Thousand Cuts (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“I look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up”

Favorite Vocals:

“My heart, my hips, my body, my love Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch”

“Our songs, our films, united we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land”

Overall Thoughts: I loved it from the first time I heard it and I really love the arrangement of this song. I also just found a quote saying that she wrote it about Someone Great and that makes me love it even more because I’m totally obsessed with that movie. Whenever I have a conversation about Tv with someone, I’m alway like “HAVE YOU WATCHED SOMEONE GREAT????? Why not?/? What are you doing with your life because it’s perfect.” This song is also perfect.

11. London Boy (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“They say home is where the heart is But that's not where mine lives”

Favorite Vocals: “ Just wanna be with you Wanna be with you”

Overall Thoughts: This sweet. I know nothing about London geography but I’m rooting for Taylor and her London Boy. Their relationship is adorable and I’m glad they’re happy! This song is gonna be really fun at tour.

12. Soon You’ll Get Better (Featuring the Dixie Chicks) (10/10)

Favorite Heartbreaking Lyric:

“And I hate to make this all about me But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do If there's no you?”

Favorite Melody:

“I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky I know I'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try”

Overall Thoughts: so many emotions. When we got the Dixie Chicks easter egg, it was the song i was most excited for... until I realized that the song they would be featured on was this one. I was expecting Goodbye Earl and I got Traveling Soilder. OUCH. This breaks my heart and I really hope that Andrea does get better. losing someone is terrible and I’m praying it’s something Taylor and her family don’t have to experience for many many many years. I’m not religious but praying for you.

13. False God (4/10) oww sorry

Favorite Lyric: ?IAMCONFUSION.

Favorite Vocals: the whole thing sounds great.

Overall Thoughts: I don’t really like this song? it’s just kinda meh. it feels jarring to hear after Soon You’ll Get Better and I DON’T GET IT? like it makes me feel dumb. I’ve listened to it 6 times and still don’t know. When I heard it the second time I was like Oh I Forgot That You Existed. Then I was just confused. What is the false god... is it her.. is it new york city, is the love? I don’t know. Why is she singing from the point of view of the city? This song stresses me out which is a really bummer because I love how the vocals sound but then i listen to the lyrics and get frustrated. Also the only song I wanted to skip all six times. I think part of it is just placement though. after soon you’ll get better i’m not in the mood for this especially when I know there are better songs coming up and I want to hear them now. Someone explain this to me if you get it because i’m lost.

14. You Need to Calm Down (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“Say it in the street, that's a knock-out But you say it in a Tweet, that's a cop-out”

Favorite Vocals: “Why are you mad when you could be GLAAD? (You could be GLAAD)”

Overall Thoughts: Love it. Such a jam. Loved the music video.

15. Afterglow (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “Meet me in the afterglow”

Favorite Vocals:

“This ultraviolet morning light below Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh”

Overall Thoughts: I love this. One of my favorites on the album. It’s like a more pop sounding Back to December with a possibility of a positive outcome. Back to December was like i’m sorry i wish i could take it back and this is like I’m sorry can we fix this and meet in the afterglow! Meeting in the afterglow sounds so poetic and light. It brings imagery and peace to my mind and I’m all about it.

16. ME! (Featuring Brendon Urie) (9/10)

Favorite Lyric: “Livin' in winter, I am your summer”

Favorite Vocals:

“I know that I went psycho on the phone I never leave well enough alone And trouble's gonna follow where I go”

Overall Thoughts: I liked Spelling Is FUN. fight me. still gonna yell it at tour. I would have liked a little more complexity in the lyrics though... while keeping spelling is fun.

17. It’s Nice To Have a Friend (9/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“Light pink sky, up on the roof Sun sinks down, no curfew”

Favorite Vocals: the whole song is my favorite vocal because it’s amazing and it sounds great. (I said this like how craig from parks and rec said this is my friend madison she amazing and SHE DROVE ME HERE. it’s very important that you read it like that because that’s how I meant it. IT’S GREAT)

Overall Thoughts: Apparently every one at secret sessions didn’t like this song but I love it. Also saw a couple people describe it as creepy sounding which WHAT? are we listening to the same song??? I think it sounds romantic and gives me the imagery I want. I can picture this love. it’s innocent and wonderful. Very light and very airy sounding. Kinda gives me a Marina vibe which I love. Only complaint is I wish it were longer.

18. Daylight (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke”

Favorite Vocals: I’m living for the entire bridge.

Overall Thoughts: YES YES YES. This should have been track 5 but I also understand having it at the end as a valid choice as well. ALSO SHE MENTIONED RED. okay je suis calme but this song is beautiful and i’m just so happy and so proud of you Taylor. I cried at the end. “You are what you love” I have loved her music since I was 12 and now at 25 it still means so much to me. it’s been a vital part of my life and honestly the only reason i’m alive right now. Thank you.

OVERALL THOUGHTS: if you’re still reading by now bless you because I’m rambling. I truly love this Album. it’s got some solid bops and some beautiful poetic songs. I think my favorite songs so far are

I Forgot that you existed #1BOP

Paper Rings #1emotioninvoking

Daylight #1lyrics

170 out 180 which means that this album is a 9.4 in my opinion!!!!

Taylor if you read this, I love you. Your music means so much to me. It’s gotten me through so much. I really hope your Mom does get better. ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

#taylor swift #lover #lover review #taylor nation #daylight #swiftie #tswizzle #sorry for any typos #lover is amazing #and im living for it #i legit left work early so i could come home and listen to it #which was kinda dumb because my car is falling apart and im broke #but i feel like it was a good decision and im happy with it

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blinder-secrets · 7 years ago

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So what should be done if the only real problem with the writing is lack of dramatic flare? I assume using different words to replace “boring” ones but idk.

This is actually a tricky one, because I don’t know whether my idea of dramatic flare would be the same as yours. Or if anyone’s is the same as anyone else’s. People could read the most detailed, imaginative story, and still come away thinking ‘god that was dull’.

Honestly, my gut reaction to this is that, there doesn’t need to be any dramatic flare. A lot of my writing is quite plain in terms of language and set-up. I really love writing short stories where nothing really happens, and nothing is really out of the ordinary. Chekov made a hell of a literary impact from doing just that. So, honestly, you can just write your boring story about boring things, and if it’s crafted well enough, people will enjoy it.

But, in terms of boring words, I don’t think there are any. If it feels boring, it’s probably just a case of it being the wrong word for the moment, or you’re simply thinking about it too much. In story telling, there will always have to be plain… boring, shit. Trying to make every word, and every description, jazzy or original will just end up back-firing. For example, if a character needs to cross a room, sometimes you do just have to write, “they walked across the room”. If you tried embellishing it, it’d just sound odd like, “they paraded across the enclosed space.” Actively trying to make boring things sound interesting, for the most part, will just draw too much attention to something that doesn’t need it. Which will just make your prose sound strange.

By letting boring things stay boring, it’ll make the more creative, flamboyant use of words much more effective.

It’s less about making use of fancy, unusual, words, and more about making sure you’re using them only when they need to be used - and that’s done by recognising the effect you want to generate. SO, if the character you’re describing is pretty plain, and you want people to think that, let the description be plain. i.e.

“The girl had brown hair to her elbows.”

It does the job, the reader knows exactly what to picture, and the story can continue. If she’s very prim and proper, you could put in some clues of that.

“The girl’s hair was long, curled and set in place with a gold-clip.”

Neither of those examples were adventurous in their use of language, but both were written and constructed with the intention of creating a specific impression, which is where your flare will come in. The base of what’s being said is “the girl had hair” which obviously is a fucking waste of a sentence, and no-one would write that. Unless you were some sort of deconstructionist. So, from the get-go, your descriptions will always have a certain level of juicyness. You just gotta learn how to shape it.

For some examples, let’s imagine you’ve got a character who��s just meeting a circus performer with huge stilts. There are a variety of ways you could approach it, to suggest various different things, and it all lies in a combination of structure and word choice. So:

“He was tall, though not naturally. Attached to his knees were stilts three times the length his original legs would’ve been. They were constructed of leather, wooden planks, and wire-sprung hinges. It was ingenious.” (suggests someone with a practical, perhaps scientific mind, who’s impressed by what they see.)

“He had stilts on, wooden and curving. I doubt they were made in this century so, when I passed him, I kept as far away as the ring would let me.” (A more cynical view - not overly fussed about the height of the man, or the stilts, more concerned by his own safety.)

“I looked up at the stilted-man; I couldn’t see his face past the leathered knee-straps and gnarled wood, but I assume he was smiling down at me.” (a more humourous - though dry - view, only including details that’ll help emphasise the positioning of the narrator and therefore the joke of it.)

“He was wearing stilts. Tall ones. Taller than the ones I’d had at my own show.” (bitter, short sentences and lack of details show he’s pissed off about it and reluctant to give them his attention.)

None of them are particularly dramatic; none of them stand out as ground-breaking literature. Some of them will be liked, and some of them wont. The important thing is that I’ve thought about what I want from the description, and then I’ve tried to craft it in a way that’ll reflect that. That’s how you keep your writing engaging. Don’t write anything just because it sounds good (with a few exceptions, cause we all love a bit of indulgent poetic imagery here and there).

Overall, I wouldn’t try and focus on making sure your writing is special. It doesn’t need to stand out, or sound smart, or read like you personally created the oxford dictionary. It just needs to do what you want it to do. If you want to make your narrator sound like a dick, make sure you describe things like a dickhead would. If you’re story is set in a hyper-immersive fantasy world, make sure you include details on the way the creatures talk, or how the sky looks, or what the politics are like. If it’s an everyday exploration into the relationship of two characters, don’t stress over your words being simple, focus on what creates tension, what makes the room feel small, what makes it seem like they hate each other.

It’s all about recognising which words add something, which words aid something, and then getting rid of the stuff that does nothing at all. If you’ve got that down, you won’t need to worry about making sure your piece has flare. It’ll naturally be engaging and immersive - have faith!

#writing tips #ill admit this one had me a lil stumped but i hope ive been somewhat helpful #you just gotta own your style and do it well #Anonymous

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possiblyimbiassed · 7 years ago

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What happened to Sherlock? Part II – Re-living memories

What is it actually that we witness in the TV show Sherlock? Is it Sherlock’s and John’s ‘reality’? Is it John Watson’s perspective, as in ACD canon? Or is it something entirely different? After S4 many viewers – including hard-core fans – lost their faith in BBC Sherlock. The characters we had learned to love (or hate) were ‘failing’ in S4: Sherlock seemed to have stopped solving crimes, John had turned into a violent wreck, ‘Mary’ the Assassin was suddenly a hero and there was not a trace of anything similar to a coherent plot line. In many ways this series seemed to have reduced the whole show into a caricature of its former self, and not much hope has been given that we can expect some change in the future.

But everything is relative, as Einstein might have said. :) What we expected of S4 was based on what the show had been to us up until then. So to comprehend what we’re actually looking at in S4, we need to first analyse what we were actually seeing in the first three series of the show – at least up until TSoT.

Picture source (X)

This meta series is an attempt to look at BBC Sherlock with a ‘scientific’ approach; to set up hypotheses and predictions, test them and thereby try to solve the puzzles presented to us, the audience, by the show. The methods I’m trying to use here are explained in the introduction. For this particular meta I’m also using a Word-transcript of John’s blog, where I have been able to use the program’s word count to compare the length of different blog-posts.

Hypothesis #1 was this: John’s blog is the most truthful account of the actual events. I did a couple of predictions and compared them to my observations. My conclusion was that yes, this hypothesis does hold water. Which doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s true, but there is some evidence for it, and I haven’t seen it de-bunked just yet. So in the continuing analyses I’ll assume that Hypothesis #1 is true, that the blog is indeed more reliable than the TV show, at least when it comes to retelling the actual events (but not when it comes to John’s opinion of what’s going on in other people’s heads).

And now we get to the next hypothesis to explore, #2:

Hypothesis #2: The show up until John’s wedding is Sherlock re-living their story together in his MP, after reading John’s blog.

John’s blog is, in my opinion, rather straightforward in its description of John’s and Sherlock’s ‘adventures’. But as such, you could also argue that it is a bit dull; the blog does not quite live up to the ACD canon level of describing the events – far from it in fact. The John Watson that got published in The Strand Magazine used a lot more romantic and sometimes almost poetic language.

In this meta I intend to go through the TV show Sherlock from ASiP to TSoT, and analyse the perspective that the episodes are written from. I will stop at TSoT, though, since I see many clear differences between the show up until this episode and HLV. But that difference will be handled in a future meta about Hypothesis #4 (see the full list in the introduction, scroll down to the bottom)

This is a loooong meta, but please bear with me, because I do believe this is important. You’ll find most of it under the cut.

First of all, I want to give full credits for hypothesis #2 to @raggedyblue, who presented this idea to me in a comment to another thread, where we were discussing how reliable certain scenes in the show are. When I read it, suddenly it felt like some important pieces were falling into place, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

Here is an excerpt from it:

“We are in Sherlock’s MP and we see his version of history from the beginning, because he was doped and started re-reading John’s blog. Because he is a romantic bastard after all. Then he was taken away, lost his control, and now he’s looking to return. In the show we never see any “real” scene. We’re in the funny, old Sherlock’s head. He’s reliving the facts up to where he was present, the wedding, and then he’s going ahead, trying to solve the situation in his head”.

But before this, the idea of us being in Sherlock’s ‘Extended Mind Palace from start’ had also been suggested by @kateis-cakeis, for example in this meta. Together with @ebaeschnbliah and @sherlockshadow, @kateis-cakeis has for example discovered that the Pilot is a complete mirror to ASiP! More about that in a moment. @sherlockshadow also makes a good and logical case for ‘EMP from start’ in this meta. Update: Thanks to @ebaeschnbliah, I also got the opportunity to read this interesting meta from @fandeadgloves, which makes a good case for why the whole show is probably seen from Sherlock’s POV.

Review vs analysis

But how do we know these ideas are not just wishful thinking? As I said in the beginning, it’s easy to get the impression after S4 that this whole show is something of a joke – if you take it at face value. If you believed it would be presented very much like ACD canon, albeit in modern England, you might have felt as disappointed as the guy who made this review video. And I think this is very important, because he is far from the only voice saying this. In fact I’d suspect that a majority of viewers might agree with many points he makes.

This guy has composed a long (almost 2 hours!) review of BBC Sherlock - the whole of it - and he makes a lot of interesting observations. Like for example the often overly dramatic music, the over-dramatized scenes, the excess of sound effects, but also that there’s a lot of plot holes. And he brings up all kinds of ‘baiting’ of the audience and the manipulative writing style with cliff hangers that never pay off. And – most importantly I think – the fact that the viewers are never given enough information to be able to actually solve the crime cases with their own brains; we’re forever left to just marvel at Sherlock’s greatness. So it’s obvious that he has indeed watched the show – and most probably done an amazing job collecting stuff for the review.

But he also seems to automatically assume that the purpose of BBC Sherlock is to show the crime case solving that Sherlock Holmes does, very much the same way as in ACD canon, and in most of the following adaptations, only this time in a modern environment. He assumes that this is a modern detective story, rather than a story about a detective.

But to me this feels a bit like reading John Watson’s blog, where Sherlock asks: “What about the analysis, John?”

I think Sherlock has a point here. The thing is that John, while good at finding clues, he never, as far as I can recall, really tries to analyse or deduce something. Except in TAB’s Victorian setting, which is definitely happening inside Sherlock’s head,

and in TLD, where a ghost starts to deduce things for him). John is mostly far too busy making assumptions and jumping to conclusions about people’s motives, at least on the blog:

But this guy who made the video even recommends us to not analyse the details of the show too much! (at 49:51 minutes into the video). He is bitterly disappointed (and many with him, I imagine – I’ve seen a lot of criticism where people dismiss the whole show as ‘badly written’) that the show doesn’t give us more episodes where we can follow Sherlock Holmes’ deductive reasoning to solve crime cases. But at the same time, his own video is full of assumptions about the show-makers’ motives (very much like John’s assumptions about Sherlock’s motives), and he utterly refuses to use Sherlock’s method of deduction and logical reasoning himself, while looking at the show as a whole.

Isn’t this a bit contradictory? Because if you find this many inconsistencies and crazy things in a show about a detective, I think you should ask yourself “why is this? What could the writers possibly have wanted to convey? What is actually going on here?” And then you go through each of these observations and try to figure this out, you try to make sense of them, preferably also trying to think ‘outside of the box’.

Example: According to this guy’s video the Pilot is far ‘better’ made than ASiP, for a series of reasons – most of them based on opinions about how a ‘good’ show should be constructed. But there’s no deeper comparative analysis between them that tries to find out why these episodes are so different and maybe suggest an alternative explanation. The judgment is done, end of story.

On the other hand, this video made by @kateis-cakeis (also referring to @sherlockshadow and @ebaeschnbliah) is also about the Pilot and ASiP, but the focus is on the data, and what patterns can be seen. They do suggest an explanation, but it’s presented as a theory, not a final conclusion. They have gone through a long series of similar scenes in both episodes, one by one, and found out that they are (almost) perfect mirrors to each other. People and objects that are positioned at one side in the Pilot is placed at the other side in ASiP, and so on. They’ve found a very distinct pattern that is difficult to explain away as coincidence. That’s a scientific approach; you use detailed analysis and deduction rather than jump to conclusions based on assumptions. You look at the pieces of the puzzle and try to figure out how they can fit together, and you use your own (and your peers’) creativity doing it. You may not reach a definitive answer right away, but you will have collected sufficient data to have a much better foundation for your future conclusions. And once you publish your thoughts, others can use your data to do their own analysis, and so on.

So what does this mirror analysis tell us? Well, most of all I think it shows that this show can’t be just about the crime cases; there’s something else going on here - otherwise the show makers wouldn’t have arranged details in this manner. So maybe we have to look for answers about this show elsewhere than in the actual crime solving. Because if the crime cases are the important puzzles to solve, why are we looking at a series of therapy sessions involving the main characters, that are mirrored already in Pilot/ASiP and have an increasingly iconic setup throughout the show? What has that to do with crime solving?

I think it’s logical, though; we can’t follow Sherlock’s deductions about the cases because that’s not what we’re supposed to solve - that’s Sherlock’s job!! But we can use deduction to figure out what’s on Sherlock’s mind, why he and John need therapy. But then we have to think outside the box and imagine that we really are inside Sherlock’s head instead of our own.

You could argue, of course, that TV audiences shouldn’t have to be (almost) scientists or psychologists to be able to enjoy a show. But maybe we don’t have to be, maybe we just need to learn Sherlock’s method. There are so ridiculously many TV shows that don’t require a single thought “outside of the box” from its viewers. So why shouldn’t this one, which is the story about a genius detective, at least require some brain gymnastics from its viewers? Something new, not just the usual stuff?

OK, enough of ranting and opinions for a while – let’s start the actual analysis!

Testing process, fueled by more observations:

So – just like last time we’ll make some testable predictions, but this time regarding the TV show (compared to the blog), to see if we can figure this out. This time I suggest four predictions to test.

Prediction 1. If Hypothesis #2 is correct, then there might be some indications in the show that Sherlock has been reading John’s blog - reading it carefully.

Observations:

Sherlock has made comments to John’s blogposts for a long time, but not in a particularly interested way; it took him two months before he discovered the first posts John made about their “adventures” together:

But here it says that he has ‘glanced over it’, which seems to mean that he hasn’t read it more thoroughly. He seems to be more focused on the form and grammar of John’s blogposts than on the actual content, and his comments are mostly rather brief.

In the show, he seems to express (or fake? ;) ) a certain indifference towards what John is actually writing.

Maybe Sherlock can’t seem to bother too much with such trivialities as making a good blogpost (actually I suspect he’s more interested in hanging over John’s shoulder.. ;) )?

And he doesn’t seem to notice how much the blog means to John.

But he does get annoyed when John is presenting him in ways that don’t please him.

But there are two occasions when Sherlock definitely has shown interest in John’s blog - and none of them are covered by the TV show. The first one was when he ‘went through’ the blog searching for someone who could help him with a case (Death by Twitter is the blog title) by opening a closed facebook account. And he found “theimprobableone” (Moriarty?), who apparently then helped to solve the case.

And the second occasion is directly after the wedding, when he hacks the blog under the pretext of uploading wedding photos:

But he also adds a whole post about ‘sex holidays’, boredom and death and a string of comments at the course of two-three days. This time he really does seem to have nothing else to do than to read John’s blog and try to get some attention from its followers. I’ve written a meta about what I believe Sherlock’s messages meant here. John himself is on honeymoon, tells Sherlock to shut up and never writes a word about the wedding once it’s over, neither does he seem to appreciate Sherlock’s wedding photos, since he doesn’t even mention them. One might wonder why - wasn’t this supposed to be one of the happiest events in John’s life? Wouldn’t he even want to write a single line about it on his own blog?

There are quite a lot of talk about memories in BBC Sherlock; @sarahthecoat has made a useful list of books and other kinds of memory storage devices here. Memories indeed seems to be one of the recurring themes in this show, which also is a factor in backing up Hypothesis #2, I believe. And the blog as such is perhaps one of the most important memory devices, since John has given a thorough account of his and Sherlock’s life together - it’s like a public diary over their relationship. So let’s do an imaginative experiment - here’s a possible scenario that would fit with Prediction #1 for Hypothesis #2:

Let’s say that while John is on honeymoon for several days, probably about a week, Sherlock is at home in 221B - heartbroken, lonely and depressed. He has lost John forever (at least that’s what he believes), but he doesn’t quite understand what went wrong between them. He has quit working; he can’t really focus on anything else than John for the moment. And in his solitude, he begins to re-read John’s whole blog during this week, because he needs to know. He is not yet willing to engage with his own feelings for John, but in order to try and figure out ‘objectively’ what happened, he enters his mind palace and starts re-running the scenes from his memories, based on John’s blog entries. And this is the show as we see it from the beginning.

A wild idea, right? Is there really any evidence in the TV show to back up this scenario, to tell us that Sherlock was reading John’s blog during this time? Well, yes, I think there is. Apart from the ones presented above, I also think the show tells us about this specifically, it’s just that we see it after it happened, played out in an imaginative universe inside Sherlock’s mind palace:

Exhibit A: In TAB, which I’m going to assume almost entirely happens in Sherlock’s imagination (see lots of evidence for this in EMP theory), Mycroft talks about Sherlock’s recent OD and his history of drug use and then says this:

This is Mycroft saying this - on a subtextual level believed to represent Sherlock’s brain, and on a meta level he represents Mark Gattiss, the storyteller.

But if (at least) the second part of HLV also happens in Sherlock’s MP, then there is no Sherlock murdering Magnussen, consequently no prison for Sherlock, right? Thus MP!Mycroft is referring to something else - and what might that be? I think he’s referring to Sherlock locking himself up in 221B for a week in solitary confinement, starting to re-read John’s blog and re-living all his memories with John - including the most heart-breaking ones.

Exhibit B: Before this moment in TAB, when Sherlock has just woke up from his gay Victorian fever dream OD and starts babbling about Emilia Ricoletti, ‘Mary’ grabs his iPhone and says:

And if this scene also happens inside Sherlock’s head (EMP theory again), this evidence from MP!Mary points in the same direction: yes - Sherlock has been reading up on John’s blog, the story of how they met and of how they lived together at 221B. And with this, assuming EMP theory is correct about TAB being mind palace, I think Prediction #1 actually passes the test, and we can go on and make a second prediction.

Prediction 2. If Hypothesis #2 is correct, then some irregular patterns in the blog might have influenced Sherlock’s memory when he read it, and these irregularities would consequently also be reflected in the show. (If the show, on the other hand, shows us the ‘reality’, there would be no such corresponding pattern = 0 hypothesis).

Observations: Let’s compare the blog posts with their representation in the TV show.

Some of the more lengthy and thoroughly described blogposts are A Study in Pink (1742 words), The Blind Banker (1084), The Great Game (2323) and The Hounds of Baskerville (1373). Each of these has a whole episode in the show. I would also venture to say that they are all among the episodes with the most coherent plot-lines, easy to follow and not interrupted by much weirdness.

ASiB, on the other hand, is an episode that is partly divided into a series of flashbacks showing different cases that Sherlock and John worked with. The blog covers them as The Geek Interpreter (690 words), The Speckled Blonde (632), The Aluminium Crutch (1080) and The Six Thatchers (614). All these minor blogposts are shown very briefly in the show, more like news flashes, and The Six Thatchers isn’t shown at all (the events in the blogpost differ a bit from the later episode in S4, but the main structure is the same).

The actual main plot-line of the episode is covered by the very short blogposts Sherlock Holmes Baffled, By Royal Appointment, Christmas, Happy New Year, Actually Happy New Year and The Woman. The title ‘A Scandal in Belgravia’ doesn’t even exist on John’s blog (maybe it’s Sherlock’s invention?)! And as we know, ASiB has a lot of weird scenes in it, with spinning images, Sherlock being drugged, a dream scenario with Irene Adler, a mystic sitting John who is not really there, a plane full of dead people, quick leaps between different places, The Woman attending a client, Moriarty blowing a rasberry like a child, etc, etc. None of these things are covered by the blogposts.

And - strangely enough - the mysterious Boomerang case did apparently not merit its own blogpost - I wonder if Sherlock even told John the solution to this case? It would have been a great story, and there was no secrets connected to it! But the only thing John says about it is: “So there I am, dealing with a mysterious death in the middle of the countryside when suddenly I'm whisked away in a helicopter and taken to Buckingham Palace”. And the whole dead-people-on-a-plane sequence did not make it into the blog (John blames this on ‘national secrecy’ of course).

On the other hand we have TRF, which has a long, exciting and very distinct plot line in the show, but all the blog says about it is this:

And then he adds that Sherlock saved two childrens’ lives, and that’s it. John has good reasons not wanting to talk about it, though, since Sherlock supposedly committed suicide after this.

It’s definitely also worth noticing that apparently Moriarty both hacked the blog and broke into 221 B at some point between THoB and TRF, since he uploaded a video showing this on the blog. Jim pays attention to the following objects in 221B:

Lot’s of notes:

Headphones on the bison head:

Abundance of books:

That Sherlock is emotional:

And - last but not least - Skulls!! I see you Arwel Wyn Jones

Jim’s break-in and blog-hacking is never addressed in the show, but I think it’s quite interesting that all these things seem to be recurring themes later in the show - including the fact that Moriarty shows up at 221B (I’ll get back to this is a later meta). I do regard this as more evidence for Hypothesis #2; if Sherlock has been reading up on John’s blog and is re-living the memories, Jim’s observations might have got stuck in his head for future reference.

Anyway, after TRF we have three short blogposts about cases that Sherlock had solved before TRF; The Deadly Tealights (410 words), Death by Twitter (452) and Murder at 'The Orient Express' (449). Non of them is mentioned in the TV show. The Inexplicable Matchbox (297), however, is briefly accounted for by Sherlock in his Best Man speech in TSoT.

And then there is Many Happy Returns - 470 words on the blog. It’s short in the show as well, but at least a little longer than most of the other renditions of John’s shorter blog cases. The hiatus was long, however, so it makes sense that the TV show would show us at least some things from Sherlock’s doing in the mean time. Which John would know nothing about, of course. ;)

In TEH, when Sherlock comes back, the show has this irregular plot line again, with a series of different cases and even more weirdness than ASiB. At first we see Anderson’s ridiculously romanticized (and heteronormative) idea of what happened to Sherlock at the Fall, and Lestrade dismissing it. Then Sherlock is captured and viciously tortured in Serbia, but when he comes back to London directly after, he seems fine and healthy; just a bit of shaving and he’s ready to play jokes on John. Which ends with more violence.

The time line is tricky to follow and the plot line is unfocused; when exactly was John kidnapped? How many cases did Sherlock solve before John saw fit to visit him? What was the whole terrorist plot actually about? And there’s a very strange interlude with Anderson questioning Sherlock about how he survived, at the same time as a terrorist bomb is about to explode in a subway wagon with John and Sherlock in it.

But the interesting thing is that the show’s twists and turns are fairly consistent with the blogpost The Empty Hearse (828 words), which starts with “Where do I even begin?”. The post is all jumbled up and mixed with a lot of John’s feelings - many of them expressing anger, disbelief and a deep resentment towards Sherlock. And back is the ‘psychopath’ talk, which John had tuned down considerably during the hiatus. (How can he even publish such rubbish as if he were writing an interesting account of a huge case of national security they solved together? And after everything he had said in Sherlock’s defense? I’m appalled, and tempted to agree with Sherlock’s blog comment “I see you haven't spent the last two years working on your writing technique”).

Finally, TSoT. John’s blog posts don’t cover the wedding at all, which would be logical if John only used the blog to describe the crime cases. But he obviously doesn’t, so wouldn’t this be something John would be happy to describe? His own wedding?? And he would definitely have time, seeing as he’s letting Sherlock do most of the wedding planning and preparations! But there’s nothing, and the Stag Do seems to be censored even in Sherlock’s brain by John: “We'd just returned from a quiet, civilised evening in the pub when our latest client arrived at Baker Street”. Not even the show shows us this picture. ;) (promo X)

As we all know, however, the wedding stretches over a whole TV episode, much of which is telling us what Sherlock relates in his Best Man speech; he gives fairly brief accounts of a series of cases, and he has John’s blog open on his iPhone as support: The Poison Giant (695 words), Happily Ever After (577), The Elephant in the Room (150 words; censored) and The Hollow Client (396). Two cases he actually solves on site, though: The Bloody Guardsman (496 words) and The Mayfly Man (286). We also see a certain amount of weirdness, where time is sometimes played fast forwards (the dinner), and Sherlock has a long session in his mind palace shaped as a court room.

And, as the last post before the blog stops updating, there’s Sherlock’s own hacker post with the title of the actual episode: The Sign of Three (312 words).

Just one more thing about the wedding: what’s important is not just the stuff that’s in the show - it’s also what’s not in the show: the actual wedding! And I suspect we have a clue about that here:

We don’t see the actual wedding ceremony when John Hamish Watson makes his marital vows to Mary Elisabeth Morstan and puts a ring on her finger. Not even a flash of it! Sherlock does post some wedding photos in his one and only post on John’s blog, but none of them depicts the actual wedding ceremony. If the show would be ‘realistic’, wouldn’t this be just as important to show? Well, not if we’re inside Sherlock’s head, and the last thing in the world he wants to think about is precisely this moment...

So, do we have a general pattern here? Yes, in fact we do, I believe. The pattern is that when John describes a case at length and in detail on his blog, the corresponding episode in the TV show is also relatively lengthy and coherent. But when there are shorter case stories written, these events tend to merely get quick flashbacks in the show, if at all mentioned. And for ASiB, TEH and TSoT the main course of events gets split up into a series of different posts on the blog, while in the TV show they appear like a chain of events, full of suspiciously weird scenes.

My conclusion from this is that the show does vary according to the patterns on John’s blog. Which speaks in favour of the idea that we’re in Sherlock’s mind as he’s looking back on his days with John. It’s as if he adopts his brain activity to the blog pattern.

So, let’s move on to the next prediction:

Prediction 3. If Hypothesis #2 is correct, then there might be some tell-tale signs that we’re in Sherlock’s EMP, even if it’s not spelled out.

The concept of Sherlock’s mind palace (MP) is explained by John to Dr Stapleton in THoB, at Baskerville’s military lab:

I think his MP is pretty thoroughly shown in the scenes that follow John’s explanation, in a manner that we then can recognize in the rest of the show. The usual ‘advertising’ of when Sherlock is in his MP is that texts and images appear on our screen and we can hear sound effects, and all this seems to have nothing to do with in-show ‘reality’. The contours get blurry and (sometimes rainbow-like) light patterns appear. And the whole scene is spinning.

It’s just that sometimes these tell-tale signs occur separately even when it’s not obvious that Sherlock actually goes into his MP. The topic is treated in this meta, which has a lot of interesting contributions from different people in the additions. @gosherlocked pointed out, for example, that John and ‘Mary’s wedding photo was also a spinning scene - and that’s not supposed to be in MP, if the show is meant to depict ‘reality’, is it? And in fact, in this meta by @kateis-cakeis, we can see that there were spinning scenes already in ASiP - the very first episode.

I think @monikakrasnorada’s meta series “Hiding in plain sight” (8 parts in total) about the evolution of Sherlock’s mind palace is a very helpful tool for trying to sort out MP issues. @monikakrasnorada points out, for example, that some scenes in TRF appear to be ‘stealth’ mind palace; it seems like we are indeed in Sherlock’s head, even though this has not been clearly ‘advertised’ by less subtle hints such as deduction text flowing over the filming etc.

In fact, if we start to count the number of occasions where rainbow-like, blurry lights are showing on-screen, or where text is flowing over the screen, I think we’ll have to stay here for quite a while. It’s just that we may have assumed a) that these are ‘just’ artistic expressions from the show-makers and b) that every rainbow is ‘only’ meant as a hint about gay feelings. But those readings don’t actually contradict the possibility that we might be inside Sherlock’s head, do they?

But couldn’t we perhaps be in John’s MP (or mind cupboard or whatever)? Theoretically yes, but some reasoning and evidence contradicts this:

1. We have never seen any sign that John uses something similar to a MP – ever, neither does he ever mention this. On the other hand, there’s plenty of evidence that this is Sherlock’s method of using his brain, and John outright explains this in THoB.

2. There are scenes in the show that John couldn’t possibly know about. Like Sherlock solving cases in Tibet, New Dehli and Germany in MHR, when he was supposed to be dead. And Anderson being on his track. The blog post Many Happy Returns is about John stating that he has to put all these things about Sherlock behind him and move on. Dramatic crime cases in different parts of the world does not fit in with this.

3. But the times when we see John alone are in situations where Sherlock could, with his MP and extraordinary brain power of imagination, deduce what John might have said and done. And unlike John, Sherlock has his friend’s thoughts and feelings right there on the blog, as a prompt to start his deductions and imaginations from.

So, I do believe that enough evidence is presented here for Prediction #3 to pass the test.

So, here is my fourth - and last - prediction for Hypothesis #2:

Prediction 4. If Hypothesis #2 is correct, then the TV show will have a more emotional, dramatic and exaggerated account of the events than the blog.

For one thing, there is certainly way more emotions swirling around in someone’s mind than what you can read from blog posts.You probably don’t want to publish the same amount of and intensity of feelings that you can register inside yourself. And now it has been established in S4 that Sherlock is actually very emotional (Mrs Hudson in TLD) and was an ‘emotional child’ when he was very young (Mycroft in TFP). We also know from the very first episode that Sherlock is a real Drama Queen, and he admits repeatedly in HLV and TAB that he never could resist a touch of Drama.

But he would not tell John about his own feelings regarding the events, would he? It’s very rare to see Sherlock express feelings in the show - especially feelings regarding people. That’s precisely Sherlock’s biggest problem: he tries to repress Sentiment to a point where he appears to be a sociopath to others. So if we’re seeing the show from John’s POV he must have imagined Sherlock having a lot of emotions. Which would be inconsistent with his own judgments about Sherlock in the blog.

Like I said in my meta about Hypothesis #1: many things in this show seem exaggerated in comparison to John’s blog. Things are not exactly romanticized, but rather dramatized and more ‘fanciful’, given a ‘splash of colour’, overly dramatic music etc. And some things seems so cut out of an action movie that I doubt they’re even supposed to be ‘real’.

Observations: Let’s look at some examples from the show of overly dramatic or exaggerated events that aren’t even mentioned in the blog - or if they are mentioned they’re not described.

I already pointed out in my last meta the rooftop hunt in ASiP as not consistent with John’s description in the blog.

TBB: While John is doing something annoyingly mundane - quarreling with a machine at the supermarket (just the kind of ordinary things Sherlock seems to avoid with all his might) - Sherlock is in a thrilling life-or-death fight in 221B. A masked criminal dressed entirely in robes and scarves is attacking an un-armed Sherlock with a sword.

Some dramatic, oriental music is playing all over these scenes - even the supermarket one. But Sherlock takes the attacker on single-handedly and knocks him out completely in a matter of seconds. Strangely, by the time John is back from the supermarket, the unconscious man is already gone and Sherlock pretends nothing has happened. Nonchalantly, he offers John his credit card and sends him off on a second shopping-round - now with money. Not a word to John about the fight; why?

Why do I constantly get the impression that Sherlock has watched too many of John’s action movies? (and horror movies, judging by S4). ‘Bond night’ was something John introduced him to already about the time of TBB, according to the blog. And after that we get ASiB, with Bond references that are never mentioned on the blog: Bond Air and flight 007. The exaggerated treatment of the cruel CIA agent who was dropped more than once from a 2nd floor window and survived is also an example of weirdness (covered in my Hypothesis #1 meta)

And there’s more in ASiB that isn’t on the blog; Moriarty blowing a raspberry at a text he just sent, as if he could see it flying away? Who has the most lively imagination - Jim or Sherlock? And the Flight of the Dead audience - a Boeing 747 full of dead people that never took off.

Not technically impossible, of course. But to keep so many dead bodies from their loved ones without any of those finding out? No media headlines about a huge number of mysteriously missing corpses? One single leak would have been enough to destroy the whole operation. A bit risky to come from Mycroft with the Brains, isn’t it?

The silly little things, like the café conversation between John and Mycroft; the fact that Mycroft says 'it would take Sherlock Holmes to fool me’ is suspicious. Why would Mycroft suddenly recognize his little brother as being his intellectual superior in any sense? Wishful thinking, Sherlock! ;) And then the event in Karachi; did Sherlock travel there without John even noticing? Why is the sequence transmitted with disturbances, like it was for a broadcasting, and who would send it and why? And the most ridiculous of them all, yet another case of ‘Sherlock the action-hero’: He manages to fight a whole gang of heavily armed terrorists single-handedly, with a sword? This doesn’t even seem like Sherlock’s memory - it’s pure fantasy!

Then there’s TRF and Moriarty’s weird visit at 221 B. Sherlock is not present at the final session of Jim’s trial, and yet is he reciting verbatim what’s being said by the judge. Perhaps not impossible but quite unlikely. When John calls Sherlock after the trial to say than Jim was found ‘not guilty’, Jim is already on his way to Baker street; Sherlock’s kettle has just boiled when he arrives (takes about 3 minutes).

Now we’re talking impossible, though; how did he manage to get there so quickly? A London ambulance, according to Sherlock, takes 8 minutes to arrive (HLV), but Moriarty is there in 3? And why such a hurry? He was in custody - didn’t he at least need to ‘check out’ first? Weird. And of course, TRF is not covered by the blog, since John didn’t want to talk about it.

When Sherlock comes back in TEH, we get this irregular plot line again, with even more weirdness than ASiB. Sherlock being captured in Serbia might of course have happened, but what we see is a rather unlikely scenario, and absolutely none of it is mentioned in the blog. The weirdness consists in a) that the young Serbian guard is wearing an old Red Army uniform from WWII rather than a modern Serbian one,

b) that Mycroft would treat his tortured brother like a piece of trash, even when the torturer was gone, and c) that Sherlock got his back whipped, but shortly afterwards we see him being shaved lying on it. Is this Superman?

And then he’s immediately fit to go play a joke on John. Yeah, right...

A more possible scenario I could think of (and this is mere speculation, but I still think it fits) is that Sherlock was suffering emotionally; it was torture to him to know that John had ‘found someone’ and was going to move on. Because that’s how John described it on the blogpost Many Happy Returns, which maybe Sherlock could read from where he was. It’s only a month between the MHR blogpost and the TEH blogpost. Which means that it took a relatively short time for Sherlock to finish whatever he was doing and return to London, once he learned that John was moving on. Love is a vicious motivator, I guess...

So, I think we’ve gathered enough examples now to say that yes, Prediction #4 passes the test; there is a pattern of overly dramatized and exaggerated events on the show compared to the blog.

All in all, after all these tests, I think that Hypothesis #2 holds water; The show as we know it up until John’s wedding might very well be Sherlock re-living their story together in his MP, after reading John’s blog.

Another thing that occurred to me is something I believe @kateis-cakeis has said (don’t remember where - sorry): In ASiP (but not in the Pilot) Sherlock says to Lestrade: “But they take the poison themselves; they chew, swallow the pills themselves. There are clear signs. Even you lot couldn’t miss them”. But no-one has yet told him that the victims had eaten pills, rather than having been injected with the poison or swallowed some liquid. How could he know? Well, if he was recollecting his memories, after confronting the serial killer he would already know, wouldn’t he?

In one of the comments about the last installment, @sagestreet pointed out a series of things that speaks in favour of this hypothesis (for which he invented the name ‘possibly-raggedy theory’ :) ) One of them was that this idea combines the EMP theories with a late entering into Sherlock’s extended mind palace (HLV) with those of an early entering (Pilot EMP), and also explains some POV inconsistencies. Another point was this:

“And, for any viewer who might feel uncomfortable with the idea that we’ve been in Sherlock’s head all along, your theory would also provide a nice little consolation: We would have seen everything play out from Sherlock’s POV, but it would still be close enough to reality to not make people completely freak out. I mean, it would be Sherlock’s recollection (and, at times, overdramatization) of the actual events, which as you argue, quite convincingly, would only be recorded in the blog. But it would still be ‘close enough’. (I can totally see Mofftiss doing something like this, by the way.)”

Well, it sounds about right to me. Possibly I’m biassed. ;)

The next installment will be about Hypothesis #3: The weirder scenes from ASiB to TSoT means Sherlock is influenced by drugs.

Tagging some people who might be interested: @ebaeschnbliah @sarahthecoat @sagestreet @tjlcisthenewsexy @88thparallel @fellshish @darlingtonsubstitution @gosherlocked @mrskolesouniverse @sectoralheterochromiairidum @csi-baker-street-babes @meta-lock

#Sherlock is re-living memories #Blog vs TV show #emp theory #EMP from start #The whole show is from Sherlock's POV #What happened to Sherlock?

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textsfromumbridge · 7 years ago

Text

All the men and women merely players (3/5)

A Christmas gift to this wonderful fandom, and in particular a gift for @catty-words and @rebeccaplimpton (my favorite owl).

Chapter three: Loser like all of these idiots (AO3)

Someday he was actually going to murder that Geoffrey guy.

And maybe that someday would actually be this very day.

It wasn’t just that the guy kept stalking him in rehearsal - he claimed to have mastered all of his ensemble parts so he’d come to Nathaniel so he could be a proper understudy. Like that guy could ever be a decent replacement for him. The guy wouldn’t be a proper replacement for anyone, but especially not for him.

Maybe he was just a little more harsh on him because of the incident with Bunch at that Saturday rehearsal. If he hadn’t shown up, he was sure he would have gotten to at least second base with Bunch, possibly more.

But no, the idiot just had to show up and completely kill the mood.

He’d been so damn close! Bunch had even been the one to make the first move, which meant that he was totally in her system now - but it was all dependant upon the right atmosphere and the right moment.

It had been right there: an abandoned hallway in a locked building, no way for anyone to disturb them. And not in a creepy way - just in the ‘certain activities should really remain private’ way. No spectators required.

But of course freaking Giles just had to break that unspoken rule. He just had to ruin this like he ruined everything.

Now how was he going to get Rebecca, to get Bunch to go near him again? She’d retreated right back to the ridiculously named Chan Plan. Apparently that was safer than actually doing anything with someone who wasn’t named Josh Chan.

Fucking Muggle.

“Mr. Plimpton?”

“Yes, Mr. Whitefeather?”

He was screwed. Clearly someone had said something, or someone had found out about his moment with Bunch - and now his teacher was going to use it against him. What else did Mr. Whitefeather need to blackmail him into doing?

“Don’t worry,” his teacher immediately tried to reassure him in that doofus-like way. “I just wanted to have a quick chat about your future.”

What the - his future? What was that supposed to mean? This was not a good sign.

“You probably already have everything figured out for next year,” Mr. Whitefeather just yammered on and on, “but I was hoping you would consider something else.”

Like what exactly? What was he going to be forced into now?

“I know you didn’t join the program voluntarily,” Mr. Whitefeather finally admitted to at least part of his shady dealings. “But you are a very talented young man.”

Okay, something bad was coming. No one ever complimented him without there being some kind of ulterior motive - or without it being used to soften some kind of blow. Had something happened to his mother again?

“Thank you?” Even in an awkward situation he prided himself on feigning politeness.

“I just think it would be a waste of talent,” Mr. Whitefeather continued, “to let our production of Cinderella be your only theater experience. So I’ve done a little research.”

A little. There was no way that the gigantic binder his teacher just foisted upon him constituted a little anything. Even his own, admittedly fantastic, muscles were surprised by the weight of it.

There was just so much in here that he didn’t even open it to see what was inside.

“A little?” he remarked skeptically.

“Just some applications and information about theater programs,” Mr. Whitefeather tried to brush it off. “Some of these can be combined with a business degree - seeing as that was what you intended to do before the stage called to you.”

What the hell?

Wow, the man certainly had a flair for the dramatic. Not that he didn’t already know about that, but this just proved it once again. The stage called to him? Seriously? What kind of Bunch-esque nonsense was that?

She would totally say something like that, looking all serious with her eyes laser-focused on her target. Maybe she wouldn’t say it about him, but she would absolutely say it about herself.

And this was not about her, so why was he going there? Again?

“Mr. Whitefeather,” he tried to interrupt the incoming dramatic monologue before it even started.

“Nathaniel you have grown so much in these past few weeks,” Mr. Whitefeather had started to wax poetic and he was not going to stop. “When you started with us, you were angry, and distant, and dismissive of all of us. But you have grown into it, and your bond with Ms. Bunch is truly something special. The chemistry!”

This was not going into a direction that he was comfortable with. He had not grown or changed significantly over the course of these past few weeks. He was not suddenly friends with any of these people. There was absolutely nothing special going on between him and Bunch.It was just teenage hormones and general idiocy (yes, that last part was referring to that Graham moron).

No, he was not going to let that go so easily.

“I’m sure this will be our best show yet,” there was just no stopping Mr. Whitefeather when he was on a roll. “And we do owe a lot of that to you, Mr. Plimpton.”

Was this a thank you? Was this actually Mr. Whitefeather wanting to thank him for the effort by doing all this ridiculous research that he was never going to use? There was no way that his father would ever allow him to study theatre, not even on the side. There were so many more important things for him to do.

Trying to take over the world, for example (thanks Pinky). His father may not have seen the humor in it, but Nathaniel almost did. For a few seconds, before the importance of business and the company were impressed upon him yet again.

“Thank you?” It came out as a question.

“I just feel like not pursuing this further would be a waste of your talents,” Mr. Whitefeather smiled at him. “I would be happy to act as a reference for any of these applications. I just hate seeing talent such as yours go to waste.”

Had he offered the same thing to Bunch?

Not very likely - she would have started doing this very research about three to four years ago. She probably already asked - read: demanded - that Mr. Whitefeather vouch for her in every possible way. And knowing Mr. Whitefeather even a little bit, he probably wrote her an extensive letter describing her every virtue in great detail. And not even in a creepy way.

Nathaniel’s description of Bunch’s virtues - that was not for anyone under eighteen. Or for anyone to hear really - not even for Bunch herself. It might actually make her think that he gave a damn about her.

Which he really didn’t, of course.

“You don’t have to decide right now,” Mr. Whitefeather just kept on talking and talking. “I just feel like you should consider all of your options.”

Except this was not a real option, not for him. Plimptons did not study theater. They never did anything even remotely frivolous. They went to school for business and got excellent grades, and they spent the rest of their time working out and otherwise being the perfect son.

Otherwise he might make his mother upset again.

“These options aren’t,” he tried to explain it to his teacher.

“Just consider it,” Mr. Whitefeather interrupted him before he could finish a sentence. “Just take this binder and look through it. When you feel like it. No pressure.”

The man was infuriating. Mr. Whitefeather just refused to let him off the hook, even though he was fully aware that Nathaniel was not going to be able to pursue this. This one show was risky enough - his father had questioned his absences, even though he hadn’t even been at home himself.

“I’ll take the binder,” he agreed, knowing he’d get rid of it the second his teacher had his back turned.

Wait, did he owe his teacher something now? After the whole totally setting him up to nail Bunch thing, and now the binder, he really kind of did owe the man something. He had to say something.

“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me,” he just blurted it out without another thought. “Especially the whole helping get me laid thing. So, I kind of owe you, and I figured… You’re clearly really into Coach Wilson, and I have some solid advice to make that happen.”

It was so obvious, anyone could see what was happening. Well, except maybe that Grant guy, but no one else seemed to manage his particular level of cluelessness. Even creepy Karen seemed to have caught on to the ogling and the flirting and the swooning.

And if Karen had caught on, everyone knew.

And if everyone knew, it was about damn time to actually do something about it that was more than just making googly eyes at various exposed body parts. Coach Wilson was totally into it, but the man wasn’t making a move.

Someone had to do something - and he knew that Bunch “shipped” it. It would totally also score him bonus points with her if he made it happen.

“Mr. Plimpton, this is highly inappropriate,” Mr. Whitefeather stammered. .

“That’s kind of the school motto,” he correctly surmised.

The guidance counselor was basically writing up seduction plans for a student she treated like a daughter. That one guy that made the students call him Robert had been fired for doing it with a student. Creepy Karen had some weird ass activities going on in the Bio lab with some of the school’s pet snakes.

Honestly, a little teacher on teacher flirtation was nothing compared to what his poor eyes had seen in that lab.

“You may have a point,” the older man acknowledged.

There was a beat of silence. All he had to do now was wait - the bait was set and Mr. Whitefeather was totally ready to bite.

He held on to his stupid binder for a little while longer, mentally figuring out if the humongous thing would fit in his locker. Maybe he didn’t have to throw it out right away.

“So, about this advice?”

So predictable.

It was all over.

It had happened so quickly, so easily. It didn’t take him any effort at all to throw her in the garbage, where she belonged.

Josh Chan had dumped her.

He’d just abandoned her, just like all the other men. Just like her father, like Robert, like all of them. He was just like them.

Somehow he’d seen inside her garbage head, somehow he’d seen that she really wasn’t worth it, and instead of making her happy he’d just moved on to some pretty blonde transfer student who only seemed to care if her eyebrows were on fleek.

That Anna girl was probably a drug dealer too. The girl was always trading something or other with her fellow fashionistas - Valencia would probably know all about it.

Poor Valencia was probably heartbroken - which for her only showed in the level of rage she exuded. Heather was the only one who hadn’t run away screaming, because Heather was smart enough to see what was really going on, and badass enough to give as good as she got.

Heather was kind of really awesome, okay.

Unlike Josh, who was really The Worst. Like, he officially threw Nathaniel Plimpton off the throne of hell - or his dad anyway. Still, Josh was the WORST.

He led her on. He made her believe that they were going to be together, and then when she found him at Hector’s party he didn’t want to be seen with her.

Not like he had at - he never wanted to be seen with her. He was embarrassed by her, embarrassed to be seen with her, but not too embarrassed to make out with her when no one else was around.

And she’d just let it happen.

It was just so embarrassing - she was smarter than that, right? Or at least, she’d really thought she was. Maybe that was the worst part, because her smarts were a big part of the very little she had going for her.

The feelings were swallowing her up and none of them were good. She could just feel herself slipping back into that depression state of mind, and there was absolutely nothing that she could do to stop it.

What was the point when no one wanted her?

Well, except Nathaniel, but he didn’t count. It didn’t matter that he obviously wanted to have sex with her, not when Josh wasn’t interested in her.

Josh Chan was supposed to be her perfect match, her soulmate.

Nathaniel was just... a roadblock. Someone who got in the way of her happily ever after with Joshua Felix Chan. He was never supposed to be the Prince, not off stage.

So maybe he was really charming on stage, and he was hitting more than a few of the right buttons off stage. Still, it didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t mean anything, because she wasn’t meant to be with Nathaniel Plimpton the Third.

(Her mother would die of happiness if she even mentioned his name, which was another point against him. Not that she hadn’t already gathered quite a lot of reasons not to even think about him. Chief of them being Josh. )

It did not matter that Nathaniel was tall and attractive with those blue eyes that just randomly turned soft with warmth when seconds before they’d been lit up by a spark of intelligence. She never asked him to be kind to her - she didn’t even want him to be kind. She didn’t want his pity, or his perceived little crush.

And there he was, staring at her again.

He’d been doing that a lot lately, and even more so after the stupid Josh thing. Somehow he just knew that she’d been dumped.

Ugh, he was the worst and she didn’t even know why she was thinking of him again.

“Stop pitying me,” she hissed at him as she walked by.

“Pity is for losers,” he corrected.

Which was basically her title at this point. So why wasn’t he rubbing it in?

“So?” she stopped in her tracks.

“I’d pity Chan,” he smirked. “Not you.”

What?

If anyone was the loser in this scenario, it was definitely her. Josh was the captain of the team, the leader of the pack. She was just a theater nerd whose own people didn’t even respect her. She didn’t even have friends - she’d just been lying to herself again. Paula was her only friend, but that was just kind of weird.

She was very aware of how weird that was, but it didn’t change anything. It’s not like she would suddenly become more likeable overnight.

Not that she cared about that - she didn’t. She wasn’t going to remember any of these people anyway, when she made it big.

So if they didn’t care about her, and she didn’t care about them?

“You okay there Bunch?” Nathaniel was still around for some lame reason. “You’re about to start catching flies.”

If she didn’t care about anyone - that included stupid Nathaniel - it would be easier. She could be bad, really bad.

“Fuck off.” She flipped him off for good measure.

It was time for her to get some good old-fashioned revenge.

They could not put it off any longer. They had to do it.

Mr. Whitefeather was making them practice that one scene: the final scene. The scene that involved the true love’s kiss neither of them really believed in. Still, they had to sell it to the audience.

But with Bunch being in her current state, he doubted they could sell water in a desert together.

She was completely occupied by her stupid revenge plan. He didn’t even know what she was planning exactly - he was very sure that he probably really did not want to know a single thing about it - but it was obvious that it had completely consumed her.

Bunch was acting like a jilted bride, like she’d been left at the altar by this complete idiot. It was a high school fling at best - it wasn’t like she’d even remember Josh Chan at their ten year reunion. She’d probably be ruling the world by then, or just the Broadway stage. Or quite possibly, both.

She was ambitious like that - she had more than a little Slytherin in her. And if she wanted to, she could have a lot of Slytherin in her - yes, he meant sex. A lot of it.

But perhaps they’d start with a kiss - a staged one at that, right in front of meddling Mr. Whitefeather. Sure, he had game, but not the kind of game he wanted to show to his teacher (no matter how much Mr. Whitefeather would probably learn from it). This needed to happen just between him and Bunch, if it was ever going to be something real.

Ew, why would he want this to be ‘something real’? He just needed to get her out of his system. One go and he would be right back to normal.

Well, maybe one night. There were a couple positions he was sure she wouldn’t mind trying. But just one night, because Nathaniel Plimpton the Third did not do anything more than one night. He did not do relationships. Ugh, the thought alone made him more than a little sick to his stomach.

That was kind of a good thing at this point, because thinking about having sex with Bunch had made his loose pants much too tight all of a sudden. Which again: just fine when it was just him and Bunch, but not okay with their teacher right there.

“Can we get this over with already?” Bunch was less than excited.

“Miss Bunch,” Mr. Whitefeather gently chided. “We are looking to create a certain atmosphere here. This kiss is supposed to be the culmination of your incredible chemistry throughout the show. It needs to be romantic, loving, a true embodiment of happily ever after.”

Wow, no pressure there. Clearly Mr. Whitefeather still had some serious heart eyes going on - head in the clouds, thinking of Coach Wilson at inopportune moments, the whole shebang. He’d now reached the spreading the feeling stage, trying to get others to join him in a love bubble of their own. Sickening.

At least Bunch seemed to agree with that sentiment, her pinched face in sharp contrast to the romantic scene they were supposed to be playing out.

If it continued like this, there would be actual vomiting before they even got close to working on the actual scene. And he was not sure if it would be him or Bunch, but he was fully aware that Mr. Whitefeather would be the cause.

Something had to be done, and he knew he was the man for the job.

“Mr. Whitefeather,” he just had to play this right. “I’m sure you understand that it is kind of uncomfortable to practice a kissing scene with one of our favorite teachers examining everything. So how about you give us some time to practice it ourselves?”

Sucking up worked - he’d seen Bunch do it enough to know that much. He probably wasn’t as good at it as she was - less experience - but he was willing to give it a try if it meant that Mr. Whitefeather would go off somewhere, anywhere. It was bad enough that he’d have to do it in front of a full auditorium at some point, but for the first time? Yeah, it was not going to happen with all the hovering that was currently going on.

“Oh, I remember my first kissing scene,” Mr. Whitefeather was immediately off on another random tangent.

“I agree with Nathaniel,” Bunch ended their teacher’s story before it began.

She was absolutely being nice to him because it would get them what they wanted, and it was absolutely turning him on.

That had nothing to do with how much he liked it when she used his first name - that should not be a thing. That dramatic way she spoke was not going to be a kink for him. He did not want to have to kinkshame himself.

“Rebecca is right,” he got right on the wagon.

Of course he had to use her first name to get the right effect. Mr. Whitefeather was never going to buy it if he kept calling her Bunch. That was the one and only reason he was using her first name.

“Finally my two leads are on the same page,” Mr. Whitefeather was delighted at this development - as delighted as he was all the damn time.

He was not going to ask his teacher if the man could just leave already, but he was definitely sorely tempted. But he was not raised to be rude to his teachers, even if he was smarter and better adjusted than they were. Plimptons respected authority - and his father’s authority above all else.

“Your exercises really helped us,” Bunch was laying it on a bit thick now.

If she said anything about getting in touch with anyone’s feelings, especially his, he was going to throw up the salad he had at lunch.

Sure, he did appreciate the unnecessary help Mr. Whitefeather had given him in the seducing Bunch plan, but it wasn’t like there were any feelings involved here. It was all teenage hormones and getting some things out of their systems.

“Your chemistry is just so inspirational,” Mr. Whitefeather looked about ready to swoon. “It’s a shame you’re both seniors, because I’d love to keep working with you two, together.”

One show, no encores, no repeat engagements. There was no way he would be blackmailed into doing anything else.

And doing this voluntarily? No, he was not that far gone yet.

“You flatter us,” Bunch practically pushed their teacher out the door.

He just made sure to smile at the man until the second after the door closed in his face. Then, he prepared for battle.

Bunch was certainly not going to make this easy for him. He was just about ready to curse Josh Chan’s name for ruining this for him. She’d pretty much been a sure bet before - she made the first move to kiss him last time - until Josh “dumb-dumb” Chan showed her that all men were superficial assholes. And while Bunch obviously knew that in theory (and maybe some practice) the reminder had stung.

And that was why she was currently glaring daggers at him instead of letting herself be seduced by their circumstances.

“I’m not going to kiss you,” Bunch was dismissive.

Damn you Josh Chan! Damn you Graham for interrupting what had been such a promising moment!

“I never thought you wouldn’t take your role seriously,” they both knew he was baiting her with that one. “It’s about true love, Bunch.”

For a girl who had no trouble manipulating people to get what she wanted, she definitely had a mushy side he could easily take advantage of. She clearly wanted to believe in soulmates and true love, and if that did not get him what he wanted, he was still baiting her.

She never could let him win.

“You’re the worst,” she declared.

“I’m okay with that,” he shrugged.

That stopped her in her tracks. Not in the way he’d wanted, with her dropping the subject and moving on to the good parts of this meeting, but in that analytical way that told him she might be seeing something he didn’t necessarily intend for her to see.

What kind of quip could he use to distract her? Making her angry usually worked, but she’d been filled with so much anger that it had become a little risky. Too much anger and she’d walk right out and he’d never get another chance to get with her. Because that was all he wanted from her.

“As long as it gets you what you want,” Bunch was still looking at him like that.

“Would you prefer I fake some feelings?” he tried to distract her.

He wasn’t moral enough to play the honesty card all the time. It worked on Bunch, but many a girl had needed a few sweet nothings whispered in her ear to allow him a few liberties. Either way, the result was the same: he got what he wanted and he moved on.

“You aren’t that good an actor,” she dismissed him.

“That sounds like a challenge,” he was almost amused.

Maybe if he pretended not to notice that she’d actually stepped closer to him to properly dismiss him, maybe she wouldn’t notice either. Maybe she would keep doing it.

“No thanks,” Bunch scoffed. “Let’s just get through this stupid scene.”

She was still moving closer, no matter what her actual words were saying. So maybe he wasn’t alone in feeling this ridiculous attraction - he knew he wasn’t - and they could just finally get it over with.

He needed the show to be over, and her to be out of his head, so that he could go back to his normal life. The life that he was supposed to lead, the one that did not involve theater and this girl who’d somehow made him pay attention to her.

“If you insist,” he drew her in closer with his words.

“Don’t act like you don’t want to kiss me, Nathaniel,” she reached for him with one hand.

It was going to burn right through his chest. It shouldn’t be possible, but that single touch of her hand had completely drawn him in. How did she do that?

“You’ve been wanting it too,” he whispered, slowly moving down to her level.

She could not deny that - he did not want her to deny it. She needed to admit that she did want him, because that meant he won.

But was he even keeping score still?

“I’m acting,” she reminded him, taunted him.

Her hand had made its way to the back of his neck, pulling him further and further down as she reached up to meet him.

“And I’m not?” he quirked an eyebrow.

His hand was on the small of her back, and this was absolutely not going to be allowed for their stage kiss. That was all chaste and romantic and pure - and why was he even still thinking about that?

This kiss, this had nothing to do with Ella and Prince Topher.

“Please,” she whispered.

If that was still in response to something, he’d long since forgotten it. It was a plea for him to finally bridge those final inches, a plea to not let that Grant guy interrupt them this time.

How could he not grant her wish?

Their lips met sharply, a contrast to how slow they’d been moving before. This was all pent-up frustrations, hormones, attraction against their wishes. She pulled at him, contorting him into the perfect position to just keep kissing her. And so he had to push back, clinging at his perfect control by the edges of his fingernails.

They continued to fight even in this kiss, a yank on his hair and a tug at her hips to get her even closer. It was desperate, frantic, passionate… And it was everything he wanted, or was it?

“Bunch,” he pulled away to catch his breath.

“Shut up,” she pushed him against the closed door.

He’d dreamt of this, but not this.

“Slow down,” he tried to reach for her face, gently.

“Shut up,” she repeated, pushing his hand away.

There was no way for him to move comfortably, and yet she tried to pull at him. Another kiss, one that seemed even harsher than the first, all teeth and tongue.

God, it was hot, it really was. Bunch, Rebecca… She couldn’t stop trying to get even closer to him, pressing her body tightly against his.

But he felt a doorknob pushing against his back, and his neck was starting to hurt from being pushed and pulled into such an awkward position.

“Rebecca,” he spoke without thinking.

The change was absolute. She stilled immediately, eyes wide and hands trembling as she tried to fix her shirt.

He hadn’t even been staring at her cleavage - what the hell was wrong with him?

“I need to go,” she disentangled herself from him, her body shaky and her face closed off.

And he was left alone in the room, pants too tight and heartbeat racing.

The clock had struck midnight and Ella had run from the prince. But there was no glass slipper, no clue as to what had gone wrong.

She did not mean to be distracted, she just was.

And it was a serious problem.

“Rebecca,” he’d said.

Nathaniel Plimpton had used her first name, and it was soft and warm and completely unexpected. And most of all, it was bad and wrong.

If he’d just kept that stupid, surprisingly soft mouth of his shut, she’d have been on top of him in an empty classroom at this point.

But no, he just had to use her name and ruin everything.

How dare he make it sound like he gave a damn about her? This was Nathaniel Plimpton the Third - he didn’t do anything involving the full spectrum of human emotions. He was supposed to bang her and leave her, just so Josh Chan would never be able to have her first time.

Because he didn’t deserve it.

Not that it was even about deserving it, it was about her choices. And she’d chosen Nathaniel for this one. Just this one time, just to get those damn hormones out of the way so they could both move on with their lives. She wanted to be bad, to let the animalistic urges rule her just once, just like they ruled everyone else in school.

So why wouldn’t he just let her?

He’d been turned on when he said it, but she knew all about how true feelings came out when the normal filters were gone, and what he’d said was her name. She couldn’t get over it, couldn’t get it out of her head.

“Cookie?”

It was probably just another twisted, devious manipulation. He was the Evil Plimpton after all - perhaps this was like She’s All That after all and he needed to make her believe that he gave a damn about her so she’d fall for him.

She could probably expect a prom invitation any day now.

Not that she’d say yes to that - she’d seen the movies and she didn’t exactly want to end up crying on prom night. Not that she’d cry, because she didn’t actually care about Nathaniel and his hurt feelings. She didn’t!

What she cared about was her revenge.

“Cookie?”

Yes, all she wanted was revenge against Josh Chan. He was the only man, the only boy that mattered right now. Only until she’d left him weeping, of course.

He’d be sorry he abandoned her, sorry that he ever led her on and made her feel like glitter was exploding inside of her. He’d be sorry for the secretive affair, for not wanting to be with her out in the open. Joshua Felix Chan would be sorry for all of it.

And maybe then, finally, she could get Nathaniel out of her head, and the way he’d looked at her after he said her name.

“Rebecca!”

“Don’t call me that,” she whirled around to confront Natha- Paula?

Oh, right, they were supposed to be coming up with revenge plans together.

“Cookie?” Paula seemed more than a little freaked out.

“Sorry,” her apology was only slightly exaggerated. “My head was just off in the clouds, you know what that’s like.”

Did she sound blase enough? Good, because it was awkward, the kind of bad awkward that people remembered. Especially when by people she meant her best friend and guidance counselor. Paula was too good at figuring things out for her to learn anything that might make her suspicious.

Which was why she could never learn about what had happened between her and Nathaniel. No one ever needed to know that.

She was going to have enough trouble looking him in the eye ever again after that, and they were supposed to be love interests. In the show. She meant they were supposed to play love interests.

“Right,” Paula didn’t seem to buy it, not completely.

“So, what’s the plan for Chan?” she purposefully rhymed, knowing it would distract Paula.

As expected, Paula snickered happily. Sometimes she worried about her friend, about why she treated one of her students as her best friend instead of finding someone she was on more equal footing with.

But that was not a concern right now. Right now, there was nothing but vengeance.

“I have brought in an expert,” Paula grinned evilly.

That was disconcerting. Not the grinning, no, she wholeheartedly approved of the evil grinning and possible future cackling. The bringing in an expert part was her real concern.

Because who could this be? Who at this school was an expert on pain and vengeance and evil plans? (They were making evil plans!)

“Sup?” Heather Davis nodded as she dropped into one of the chairs.

Wait, Heather was the expert? That made little to no sense - Heather was generally one of the most chill people in the entire school, and while she definitely wouldn’t let anyone mess with her, there was no vengeance in her bones. Heather was the kind of person who called someone out on their shit and then moved on with her life.

Which was super cool, but definitely not what she was going for right now.

“Heather,” she nodded like she’d been expecting this all along.

“I’m just here for moral support,” Heather opened up a notebook and started doodling. “I’m thinking about being a psych major, and this is fascinating.”

That was both the most and least surprising thing she’d ever heard Heather say. Which meant that it was actually perfectly on brand for Heather.

She had a beanie over her messy curls, and this week the colored streaks in her hair appeared to be purple. Hipster culture had nothing on Heather.

Honestly, she wished she were half as cool.

“I’d say sorry for being late,” Valencia Perez threw open the door to Paula’s office, “but I’m not actually all that sorry. I had things to do.”

What the actual hell was Paula thinking? This was probably the worst idea ever.

Or the second worst, because practicing a kissing scene with Nathaniel Plimpton in an empty classroom might have been one for the books. Really, how did she think that was going to end? (Spoiler alert: sex. Lots of it.)

Ugh, why did she keep coming back to stupid Nathaniel?

Paula actually brought Valencia in on the revenge plan against Josh? Did she want Rebecca to get murdered? Because that was absolutely what was going to happen when Valencia found out she had been all over Josh when they were still dating. It was going to be death by yoga and claws. And words. Vicious, vicious words.

She’d have to change schools after this - her mother might actually kill her, because changing schools this close to graduation was going to kill her chances at several of the Ivies she’d been forced to apply to.

Was witness protection an option here? She could change her name and move across country.

Rachel, she could be a Rachel.

“I’m glad you’re here, miss Perez,” Paula was still smiling. “It’s time for us to destroy Josh Chan.”

Now those were fighting words. Now she was interested. Now she was no longer distracted by Nathani- damn it.

His face was just so damn distracting, especially his eyes. And his mouth.

This was not helping!

“Right, so I’m only here because I hate Josh Chan,” Valencia picked the most prominent chair to gracefully sit down in. “You were probably the reason he broke up with me, and I kind of hate you for it, but at least he didn’t leave me hanging on for another ten years. He’s scared of confrontation like that.”

That was a surprisingly mature standpoint from the person who’d been lowkey bullying every loser at this school for the past four years.

Was she right to be suspicious of that, or was Valencia Perez actually growing? Had Heather’s mellow disposition rubbed off on her? Those two had been spending a lot of time together lately, and while it made sense for Valencia to be the alpha female, Heather’s almost supernatural calmness was kind of infectious.

Either way, she should probably be grateful.

“We all hate Josh Chan,” Paula was pleased at how well this was going.

“I don’t,” Heather shrugged. “But keep going, this is fascinating.”

The four women came together as one to figure out what would hurt Josh Chan the most. It was almost inspirational.

Oh my God, she was finally part of a girl group now!

He’d been avoiding her for days, pretending his ego wasn’t bruised by her abrupt departure from that classroom. And it wasn’t, because he didn’t care about Rebecca Bunch. Not at all.

It was just a little unflattering that even a pathetic loser like her bailed on him. That was all that was.

Still, it was a good sign that he needed to stay focused, that he needed to do a few extra reps at the gym this week, because clearly his perfect physique was failing him. His body could not be trusted this week, especially not around Bunch.

So, avoidance.

Of course, that only went so far, because he still had to see her in rehearsals. But after his demand to work some more on some scenes that in no way involved Cinderella herself, Mr. Whitefeather had rather reluctantly acquiesced.

After all, he did not want the show to fail because he’d left it all to depend on chemistry. That Jim guy was still woefully behind on learning his lines, and Tim wasn’t much better (if he finally managed to correctly guess who was who, anyway). They had a lot of catching up to do to get even in the same stratosphere as he was in. And that was the only reason why Nathaniel was currently running through the same few scenes over and over again until these idiots finally got it right.

“Once again, from the top,” he ordered, barely even breaking a sweat.

Jim and Tim - Tim and Jim? - were wrecks. The amount of sweat those idiots produced wasn’t quite healthy. And here he’d figured that Jim (it was Jim, right?) had been in excellent shape, seeing as how he showed up at the gym at least twice a week.

Well, clearly he’d just been there for the girls, because that was all he could talk about.

“Hello there fellas.”

Of course there was no way that she could just let him be. Not in his dreams, and not in real life. No, Rebecca Bunch just had to interrupt his manly bonding time.

(As if he would ever try to bond with any of these losers.)

“Hey Rebecca,” Jim immediately sidled up to her.

“Jim, get back to work,” he ordered, rolling his eyes. “You’re still pathetically out of shape.”

It said something for his natural leadership skills that Jim didn’t even speak another word before he started another circuit of reps. Yes, he was a true leader.

“That’s alright,” Bunch wasn’t deterred even for a second. “I wanted to talk to you anyway.”

Of course she wanted to talk to him now, when she could act like she had the moral high ground in front of their cast mates. She did so thrive around a captive audience, and he’d rather not have a dramatic confrontation straight out of Les Miserables.

The word miserable was right there in the show title, and he’d actually seen it a few times. There was a lot of death, and both men involved in the Confrontation were dead by the end of the show. He didn’t exactly fancy ending up like that, not that he thought Bunch would actually resort to murdering him. He hadn’t quite earned that yet.

Or had he?

“I’m busy,” he dismissed her.

He wasn’t even lying about that - he was busy because these idiots needed a lot of work and the premiere date was getting ever closer. They were due for their costume fitting soon, and if everything fit properly - and he’d made sure it would - they would start rehearsing in costume in a week or so.

Which meant that in about a week, he was going to have serious trouble trying to look Bunch in the eyes - just the idea of her in a corset was already ruining his life. The reality would undoubtedly be much, much worse.

“Or we can do this here,” she had him cornered and she knew it.

Damn her and her everything.

None of these losers were ever going to know about anything that had happened between him and Bunch. They might actually start to think that he was on their level, and then they’d treat him like their buddy.

That could never happen, should never happen. He was superior in every way, like a Plimpton should be.

“Maya, could you take over?” he left the tiniest girl in the group in charge.

Oh, her looks were deceiving - that tiny person could take down every single fragile man boy in that group with just a few phrases. The time she explained to Tim that his long time girlfriend had been faking it with him had been particularly brutal - or just particularly entertaining for him.

Maya could be trusted to run a tight ship.

“Totes,” Maya saluted him.

“Ma’am,” he nodded at her, playing along with her little joke.

That seemed to surprise Bunch, as she stared back and forth between him and the tiny girl with the big glasses, as if there was a thing going on there that she wasn’t aware of. When all it was, was a congenial relationship between cast mates. Maya wasn’t completely useless, and she was willing to work hard, unlike most freshmen.

It meant nothing, but Bunch was undoubtedly going to make a big production out of this small, insignificant moment.

“Let’s go, Bunch,” he did not have the time or the patience for her usual shenanigans.

“No calling me Rebecca this time?” she pointedly asked as she followed him into the empty hallway.

Oh yeah, she was not going to let that stupid mistake go. One freaking slip of the tongue and he was going to hear about it forever - or just until graduation, because there was no way he was ever going to see Rebecca Bunch again after that.

They were going very different places in life - him to Stanford and her to some ridiculous drama school in New York, probably. That was where losers like her thrived.

“You didn’t seem to like it last time,” he remarked, unwilling to let her have the last word about anything, not even this. “I never met anyone who was scared of their first name before.”

Yeah, that hit its mark, as it was intended to. How else was he supposed to get back the power he’d lost with a single word?

Bunch would never let anyone call her afraid, and she especially would not let him get away with it. Her ego wouldn’t let her.

“Scared?” she huffed, blowing herself up for proper hysterics.

“Running away tends to mean fear,” he had the high ground now.

It was funny how she tried to seem taller, tiny as she was compared to him. Sometimes, because of her giant personality, he almost forgot that she was tiny enough for him to pick up and carry. He was strong enough - stronger than that Chan idiot.

Obviously, he was superior in every way, not that Bunch would notice.

“Well, I’m not running now,” she crossed her arms over her chest.

He looked down and gulped. Well, there went his focus.

Damn her for continually distracting him from his moral high ground. Half the time, she wasn’t even doing it on purpose, but judging by the scheming glint in her eye, she was very aware of what she was doing right now. And she was most definitely up to something - she wanted something from him.

“I’m so proud of you,” sarcasm dripped from his every word.

Was she still on that revenge scheme? Probably.

“Flattered,” she returned. “I’m still not scared, Nathaniel.”

Was she actually trying to make him say her name again, just to prove that she was not going to run away from him again? Yeah, he was not actually dumb enough to meekly follow along with that pathetic little scheme.

He had his pride.

It was not going to keep him warm at night, but he was still going to hold on to it for as long as he could. At least here at school, he had the possibility of maintaining his pride - at home, there was no question he had to swallow it and take whatever his father was in the mood to dish out that day.

“What is it going to take?” Bunch was not amused by his silence.

“What is what going to take?” he just had to play dumb, to make her say it.

Was it about getting something out of her? Perhaps it was, perhaps he just wanted her to eat crow for a bit. Perhaps he just wanted her to be honest for once about where they stood - they’d been hiding in played parts and denial for a while now. Maybe some truth wouldn’t be so bad.

Or maybe it would ruin everything. He’d be forced to give her truths in kind, and he had none to give. There was nothing to give, just pretty words that didn’t mean a thing, and a final dismissal either from her or from him.

Because he didn’t actually care.

“I need you to do it again,” she scrunched up her face at his raised eyebrow. “I need you to say my name again.”

And neither did she. He was a convenient means to end when it came to the Chan Plan - he was not foolish enough to think that she’d given up on Josh Chan just because he’d dumped her. If he apologized, she’d take him back (not that she’d ever had him before).

It was true love after all.

“Is Josh coming by?” he was not fooled.

“Yes,” she couldn’t even look at him as she said it.

He laughed, because what else could he do? Walk away and tell her he was not going to be a part of this ridiculous scheme? That would mean something.

“It won’t work,” he just said, because someone had to say it.

Her friends - since when was she friends with Valencia Perez anyway? - clearly hadn’t discouraged her from any of these ridiculous schemes. Him saying something wouldn’t actually change anything, but at least he said something.

Giving her false hope seemed more cruel, somehow.

“I don’t care,” she seemed smaller then.

Still, he pressed on, reminding himself that he didn’t actually give a damn about her hurt feelings.

Or his own.

“Fine,” he ignored whatever passed for inner turmoil in his head. “If your kink is being called by your first name.”

Yes, he was absolutely going to be an asshole about this. She’d left him hanging, embarrassed him, no matter how much he was not willing to admit that. There was no way that he was going to let her off so easily.

“Nathaniel,” she pointedly caressed every single syllable of his name.

That was not a thing for him. He did not just kinkshame her about this, only to feel his pants getting tight just because she said his full name in that soft voice she hardly ever let him hear, with her head slightly tilted and her eyes filled with warmth.

He was not going to get turned on by her play-acting at kindness. He was going to beat her at this game.

“Rebecca,” his voice was low, hinting at hoarseness.

Did he do that on purpose, or did that just happen when she smiled at him like that?

There was no guile in her in that moment, just a soft smile and a slight widening of her eyes, as if he’d said something that she’d actually been waiting to hear. Had she, maybe - no. No, it didn’t matter.

“Rebecca,” he dumbly repeated, taking a step closer to her.

She followed his lead - that never happened - and moved in closer as well. His eyes frantically roamed the hallway, trying to find Chan’s hiding place. Obviously Rebecca, Bunch had spotted him and now she was just playing along for her revenge plan.

But there was no one else there. Just like in the room, when he was left angry and rejected.

There were so many feelings bubbling up inside of him and he didn’t want to feel any of them - but just being faced with Rebecca so close to him made them impossible to avoid. Maybe he had the right idea when he avoided her for several days in a row.

Avoiding her made things easier, left him clear headed for once, instead of feeling muddled and constantly confused about what the hell was going on with him and where his life was going. He knew exactly where his life was going, he knew what he was going to be doing with the rest of his life, and it had never seemed particularly confusing before.

These stupid losers were getting to him. Rebecca was getting to him.

Rebecca was suspiciously silent, and he was not willing to break the silence either. Any word would just ruin the fragile peace that existed between the two of them.

Her hand had once again landed on his shoulder. He knew where this was going, and he wasn’t exactly protesting.

He wanted her, he was very aware of that. He wasn’t conflicted about that.

She kissed him again.

It wasn’t like the last time. This time she reached up on her tiptoes, her moves gentle and languid as she pressed closer to him.

Their lips met once, twice, and then a third time.

Time slowed down, sped up, and then stopped completely. There was a faint buzzing of people in the hallway. They weren’t alone, but he couldn’t be bothered to see just who was there and what their response was to Rebecca kissing him so softly.

This was everything he’d dreamed of. It was different somehow, but he didn’t exactly understand how. It didn’t make sense.

She pulled back, breathing heavily, and he smiled down at her. He probably looked like a complete dope, but she didn’t make fun of him for it.

“Rebecca,” he said her name again, just because he could.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Josh Chan passing by. His eyes widened as he saw Rebecca with him, but he never paused.

He didn’t tell Rebecca. That would be cruel.

So they’d kissed again.

It still didn’t mean anything. Not at all.

She just had a brief lapse of judgment and kissed Nathaniel Plimpton in a very public hallway without Josh Chan being anywhere in the vicinity.

Maybe not all was lost though - Josh had probably heard about it by now, because the rumors were spreading like wildfire. Most of the rumors involved him seducing her for some bet (so her She’s All That idea wasn’t even that outlandish), but they at least got the very public kissing right.

Some of the stories even made it seem a little romantic, some story of star-crossed lovers meeting on the stage and falling for each other just as their characters had. Those stories talked of stealing romantic moments - some people even told tales of Nathaniel plying her with romantic gifts.

There were boys who acted more… immaturely. Comments about how she must have some assets that tempted the great Nathaniel Plimpton were now a regular part of her day. Whispered asides about how she must be a freak in the sack lasted for about a week before they quite abruptly stopped.

Nathaniel was behind that, she would put money on it.

She hadn’t talked to him outside of rehearsal for a week. She just couldn’t face him after she’d so stupidly let herself be soft and kind and vulnerable in front of him.

But how could she not have kissed him when he said her name like that?

He’d looked almost lost, those blue eyes wide and questioning. She couldn’t take it, couldn’t stand him looking at her so softly. She had to kiss him.

At least then he wouldn’t stare at her with feelings in his eyes. They looked like feelings anyway, but how would she know what feelings looked like on a soulless automaton like Nathaniel Plimpton the Third?

Except he wasn’t soulless. She’d actually hurt his fragile little man baby feelings when she left that first time. She wasn’t even aware that he could have feelings - she didn’t want him to have that ability.

That was just too much, too complicated. She wanted her revenge on Josh and then she would be free to leave this place in a few months.

New York was calling her and she had to answer. Her future was right there, amidst the bright lights of Broadway, no matter what her mother said about doing pre-law as a solid backup if her little hobby didn’t actually turn into something.

She just had to get through this show without caring too much about Nathaniel, about anyone else. She could leave Paula - there would be other students who needed her help a little too much. She could leave her girl group - they’d forget all about her anyway when they all went to different colleges. Or no college at all, because Valencia was not planning on going anywhere. She could leave Nathaniel in California, leave him to become that asshole he was genetically predisposed to become.

In ten years, at their high school reunion, she’d swoop in with her first Tony award and look down on everyone who’d ever made her feel inferior, and he’d be there with his first (or second) trophy wife, still trying to fill his daddy’s shoes. Maybe their eyes would meet briefly, and she’d remember this moment. But that was how their story ended, how it was supposed to go.

If she wasn’t meant for Josh Chan, maybe she just wasn’t meant for anyone after all. Maybe the stage was supposed to be the real love of her life.

At least she had learned that much.

That was something she could do, throwing herself into her career, throwing herself into the world of Cinderella for these last few weeks (barely months). She could pretend to be the commoner turned princess, and she could sing and dance with her prince.

Ella could have her true love and her happily ever after. Rebecca could have a career and the memory of a few heated kisses with a boy she could never care about.

The hormones were still there, buzzing under her skin, and she would be on top of him right this second if she believed that she could pull it off without him getting soft and gooey and kind on her.

Ugh, that was not hot. It wasn’t.

Why couldn’t he just let her be all over him without consequences?

“Are you comfortable?” Maya pulled at the lacing on the back of her corset. “Not too tight?”

The answer to the first question was definitely a no, but the second question was probably safer to answer. Seeing as that answer would actually be related to her costume.

“It’s fine,” she tried to sound calmer than she currently felt. “Thanks Maya.”

“No probs,” the freshman shrugged. “Short girls have to stick together.”

They pulled on the dress together, awkwardly lifting it over her head as Maya tried not to fall off the stool that was the only way Maya was tall enough to assist with this part.

“Just the zipper now,” Maya easily fixed up the dress.

Shouldn’t it be too tight and uncomfortable? That was her experience with costumes in this school, always made for the pretty, skinny girls. Not this time.

“All done,” the tiny freshman hopped off the stool. “You totes look like a princess. Hashtag fairy tales, hashtag true love’s kiss, hashtag happily ever after.”

And with that, Maya rushed off to help someone else, and she was left staring at herself in the mirror. All she saw was a complete stranger.

She’d pulled her hair back awkwardly, and she wasn’t wearing a crown yet, but from the neck down she looked like an actual princess. The corset emphasized her chest a little too much, but since the dress was actually made with her measurements in mind, she wasn’t too uncomfortable. She actually looked like she had a waist, and the big skirt made her feel like she actually was a princess.

“Knock knock,” Mr. Whitefeather was waiting outside the door.

“I’m coming out,” she called, taking one last look at that strange royal creature she saw in the glass.

How was this regal women the same pathetic girl she saw in her reflection this morning?

Shaking off those thoughts, she stepped out into the hallway, holding her skirts so that she wouldn’t step on them and embarrass herself in front of everyone. There was just so much to this dress that she had to consider.

“Miss Bunch, you look like an actual princess,” Mr. Whitefeather gushed. “I think the color is perfect too. It’ll match your prince.”

Nathaniel would be in costume too. Oh, she hadn’t even considered that. As much as she wanted to think that he might just look ridiculous, she was a woman with eyes. There was not much that Nathaniel could not pull off.

He was going to have the girls in their class throwing their panties at him, and she’d have to pretend like the idea of that didn’t sting.

She was gliding down the hall into the auditorium, where everyone else was gathering to see their friends in their costumes. Heather and Valencia were helping each other, adjusting bows and lines on each other’s dresses, touches lingering a little longer than strictly necessary.

So that was happening now.

“Meet your princess,” Mr. Whitefeather stopped them right in front of Nathaniel.

She looked up at him slowly, terrified that he’d shatter her blooming confidence with a well-placed remark - but even more scared that he would not react at all.

Everything stilled for a second, and then their eyes met.

His reaction was everything she hoped for. Not that she’d thought about his reaction to her in this dress even for a second. No not at all.

Once again, he stood ramrod straight, almost too still to keep breathing. His eyes roamed over her body slowly, hotly, until she felt goosebumps break out on her skin. He took a deep breath then, his body slowly going back to normal posture as he tried to act like she didn’t affect him at all.

Well buddy, kinda missed the mark on that one.

She was getting to him, and not even in his stupid heart-eyed way. No, this was chemistry fizzling between them, desperately trying to pull them closer.

It was Mr. Whitefeather who gave them an excuse, a reason other than just temporary insanity to reach for each other.

“How about you try your dance?” Mr. Whitefeather proposed. “You need to get a feel for how the dress is going to move. You might need to adjust the distance between you two a bit. You’ve been dancing closer than the dress might allow. We just need to be sure.”

They had been moving closer and closer in rehearsals - she didn’t think anyone would notice, except maybe Nathaniel. He noticed. She’d felt that he noticed.

Her face was flushing just thinking about how often she’d noticed, about how sometimes it seemed like he was in a constant state of arousal around her. It was only fair.

“Your highness,” she curtsied and he bowed.

The kiss on the hand had never officially been added to their choreography, he’d just started doing it one time and it had stuck. And they’d never faked the gesture, had always committed to this part wholeheartedly and grabbed on to any excuse they had to touch each other. Or at least, that was her excuse. Was it his as well?

“Milady,” he murmured as he stood up straight. “Would you like to dance?”

She could hear music in the background, and everyone else in the room was fading away until there was no one there except the two of them, just as it was supposed to be. Her stupid, confusing prince had placed his hand in hers again, and she’d tried not to trip over her skirts as he swept her off her feet.

The music got louder, and they swept through the choreography like it was second nature, because by now it was. She felt like she would remember these steps for the rest of her life, like she could be woken up in the middle of the night and still follow every step.

Still, it was different with her giant skirt swishing between the two of them. Breathing was difficult enough, but that had nothing to do with the corset and everything to do with the way her prince just would not stop looking at her.

He led her around the floor, still pressing as close to her as her damn dress would allow - not close enough, but they managed. Their hands were the only real points of contact for a while, until they fell into the crescendo of movements that led to her favorite part of the dance: the ending.

Nathaniel’s arms were around her waist, and as she let herself fall down into his hold without hesitation, he never stopped looking at her face, even though her chest was right freaking there and looking spectacular in her corset.

His eyes never strayed as he held her for endless seconds. Her heart was pounding heavily in her chest. There was glitter exploding inside of her once again.

Gently, slowly, safely he pulled her up into a standing position, standing much too close for this to be entirely proper for a royal ball.

She did not care, and neither did he.

God, she wanted to kiss him again, wanted to hear him break the illusion of acting by whispering her name in her ear. Had anyone ever said her name quite like that, like they were marvelling at the luck of being allowed to say it?

No one that she could remember.

“Nathaniel Plimpton,” a deep voice bellowed. “You take off that ridiculous outfit this instance! What do you think you are doing?”

That broke the soft spell they’d been under. There were others in the room again, but she refused to look in the direction of the voice - maybe Mr. Whitefeather would send away the intruder and they’d just be able to try again.

This was not how it ended.

She glanced up at Nathaniel. He’d gone completely still in the most unnatural way, as if he’d snap in half if she so much as breathed on him too harshly. His eyes were wide, his skin no longer golden but pale and clammy in her warm hold.

“Father,” he breathed, panic in his electric blue eyes.

AN: Soooooo, thoughts? :P

#rethaniel #rebecca x nathaniel #otp: can’t be with cedric if you’re already with ron #crazy ex girlfriend #my stories #fic: all the men and women merely players

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