#except rook who correctly read everything

[centralkvetchmonolith]

This is great; I love to learn about art

AND

When I got to the final comment here, I was incredulous. "Reading comprehension on this site is piss-poor," I muttered aloud from the bathroom. The idea that someone would so misinterpret the OP that they would call them a fascist for believing the opposite of that post's meaning shocked me.

So, I took it to my partner, Jaz, and asked them to explain the post back to me. They didn't produce MY interpretation (which is, for the record, "people say it's a crime to ruin the nuances of a physical painting but Wikipedia, which is where most people will ever see it, has a tiny shitty image"), but when asked if their interpretation ("people threw red paint on a painting so red it only takes 2kB to represent; it is silly to complain") was bad enough to harass the OP about, they just said "not my circus, not my monkeys".

Which I think demonstrates two critical skills for social media: in Jaz's case, ignore & move on if someone seems to have a common, mildly shitty interpretation; in mine, search for the most charitable interpretation of people's words

Also, it occurred to me in writing this that 1) no one said OP was getting yelled at, just that a) they clarified the original intent and b) garden-variety rejection of modern art is often a fascist project, and 2) the tone of the first reblog was in fact pretty hostile and admonishing to OP, but I just kinda mentally edited it down to "yeah paintings are just really hard to photograph", so uh

We Are All

🅱️iss on the poor

Art snobs complain that using a different kind of paint "forever destroyed" the painting

Wikipedia hosts it as a 2-kilobyte SVG

[lightan117]

Mourn Watch Headcannons 2

I had to make more now that I've finished the game....

As a reminder - this is based on the character that I've used, but I've mostly tried to keep Rook's gender natural.

Mourn Watch in general:

Students 100% ship Myrna and Vorgoth together. They also have little betting pools on which professors sleep with whom. Many students also end up as couples that eventually lead to the next generation.

Speaking of students - the students are the entire gossip pool of the Necropolis. The teachers get their information from the students.

Nevarran beetles are 100% pets (think Scarabs). Mourn Watchers will try to have different colors and species. Golden beetles are rare, but green ones are common.

More on the Grand Necropolis is Hogwarts - first-year students ALWAYS get lost, and search parties always stand by the first few months to find the ones who are. Spirits who are restless might "lure" people away and just peace out when they are well and truly lost (Vorgoth is never happy when this time rolls around)

If students get in trouble, their punishments are to deal with the gentry and clean their tombs. Ever want to hear a spirit complain about how students are not cleaning their tomb correctly? No, didn't think so.

Everyone knows that Markus Pentaghast is dead or undead. It may not be confirmed, but low-key, everyone knows that man is not really "alive." Emmrich confirms it with Lucanis, but we all know Mourn Watchers just know in general just by reading the news. The king was poisoned again? Of course, it didn't work—the man is already dead, guys. Take a hint.

They love to throw any type of fancy party to one-up each other. If someone is having a fight, they don't brawl - they throw the biggest party to show off.

Mourn Watch Rook:

Mourn Watch Rook, when traveling to Treviso, will always look to see if there is anything that they can bring back for Myrna and Vorgoth (Big sister and brother energy). Def will try and get Vorgoth and Viago together to talk about paintings.

There is a scene where Harding mentions Rooks' speech not being as proper unless they are talking to a fellow mourn watcher—THIS IS ON PURPOSE, NO ONE CAN KNOW THAT THEY ARE VERY PROPER IN SPEECH! They worked really hard that first year with Varric to be "normal." They can switch back and forth really easily.

Minrathous is the place they dislike the most due to their view on spirits and power. Feels bad for those in Dock Town - hate everyone up top. Politics are almost the same but not as bad I feel.

Would pester Emmrich (in the best way) about what they missed in Nevarra and any lessons he could teach them. Lessons from one of the top professors in the Mourn Watch? Why the fuck not?! They can also nerd out together about all things undead.

Assan and Manfred are the favorites of the whole group

Rook has beetles in their room - fight me - everyone knows and thinks its weird when they show up at the lighthouse with a glass case full of beetles. Spite thinks they're cool.

(End of Game) Mourn Watch Rook and dating:

If Mourn Watch Rook is dating Lucanis, they would have a hard time once everything is...normal I guess? I'm sure the Mourn Watch would give the nobility the middle finger if they protest Rook coming back to Nevarra (they would be welcomed back with open arms - Rook just made them fucking famous). Their role, they take seriously, but they would find some common ground to meet in the middle. I could see that the Mourn Watch would allow Rook to work out of Treviso but have to make trips home for rites/reports/gossip. Rook is the only exception tho, everyone is shit out of luck until Rook decides to put forward change. Lucanis and Rook do end up getting married and having a bunch of kids (adoption or by natural).

If Mourn Watch Rook is dating Emmrich, they would move back to Nevarra to live together. Rook would be allowed back into the Mourn Watch cuz why the fuck not...

(Spoilers!)If Emmrich became a Litch - I would feel things would be difficult due that the man is undead and would outlive them (there is no going around that topic; it will be rough). There will be arguments and such, but after about, I would say, a year, things will die down into a routine. The topic of marriage might come up and there might be one. (Lots of convos about what happens when Rook does die). Emmrich might try to stay teaching students and opening up conversations with Litchs still having relationships with the living as per his relationship with Rook being an example. An uphill battle if you choose this route.

(Spoilers!) If Emmrich did NOT become a Litch - this route might be a tid difficult but not as much as if Emmrich is a litch. Since he's human with Manfred (Manny as I call him) you two are in your perfect little bubble that no one can pop. Emmirch would go back to teaching and Rook could do whatever they want. They could teach if they wanted, become an instructor, or even help Myrna. Emmrich does have fears of his death still but Rook would be there to help him along with Manny. When the time comes, Rook would not be left alone.

[fashioneditswebsite]

"10 Different Types of Ear Piercings You Need to Know About"

A Beginner's Guide to Ear Piercings Are you thinking of getting a piercing, but you are unsure which type to choose? Fear not, as our ear-adorning guide below aims to help you explore the many options for your piercing adventure. The focus ranges from lobe piercings to cartilage piercings and everything in between. It is worth mentioning that each piercing type has its unique style and placement. Therefore, it is crucial to conduct ample research before making a decision. We hope that by utilizing this guide, you will learn about the different types of ear piercings and eventually discover the one that best suits your style. 1. Ear Piercing Our first piercing is typically on our earlobes. Since it is the most frequently selected location, this is because the earlobe tissue is delicate and easily penetrable. The process is straightforward and adaptable, providing a range of earring options to decorate one's ears. 2. Helix Piercing A Helix piercing is a trendy alternative to earlobe piercing. It entails piercing the cartilage of the upper ear, which provides a wide range of earring options. 3. Conch Piercing The Conch Piercing is ideal for showcasing exceptional jewelry designs on the inner or outer conch area. For a bold statement, opt for a tragus piercing on the small cartilage in front of the ear canal. 4. Tragus Piercing For those who want to make a statement without being too bold. TheTragus Piercing on the small cartilage in front of the ear canal offers a fashionable and understated option for those 5. Rook Piercing The rook piercing is placed on the ear's inner ridge above the tragus. This area's unique anatomy requires extra attention but can create a distinct and eye-catching look. 6. Daith Piercing The daith piercing is placed through the small, curved cartilage near the ear canal's entrance. It is believed that daith piercings can help alleviate migraines, making them popular for aesthetic and potential therapeutic reasons. 7. Industrial Piercing A helix piercing is typically done on the upper area of the ear's cartilage towards the front. This type of piercing can be an excellent choice for those looking to experiment with multiple piercings or achieve a sleek and fashionable look. Moving on to the cozy piercing, this type involves passing through the ear cartilage in a specific location. 8. Forward Helix Piercing The forward helix piercing is done on the front side of the ear's cartilage, typically in the upper area. It's an excellent choice for those experimenting with multiple piercings or creating a minimalist and elegant look. 9. Snug Piercing The snug piercing is worth considering as it is placed through the inner cartilage ridge above the anti-tragus. This unique placement gives it a trendy and distinctive look. 10. Ear Weaving Ear weaving is a creative and unique way to combine multiple ear piercings using intricate designs and jewelry. It allows you to customize your ear's appearance, creating a stunning and personalized look. Conclusion In conclusion, ear piercings are a fun and exciting way to express your style and personalize your look. However, be sure to do your research and seek advice from an experienced piercer beforehand to ensure they are done correctly and cared for appropriately. Ear piercings are more than just a fashion statement; they are a form of art expressing your unique identity. Read the full article

[gimme-a-hand-scaevola]

A review of the book The Rook by Daniel O’Malley that nobody ever asked for...

Ok so @chemcat92 recommended me this book and I listened to it on audiobook and I just... have a lot of thoughts. I haven’t read the sequel and I’m torn if I will. Having watched some AMVs of the show, it’s a hard pass. My review is going to be in three parts:

1. The plot

2. Wasted Potential - In General

3. Wasted Potential - Gestalt the Most Wasted Character Potential I’ve Read since Drizzt Do’Urden 

Obviously spoilers under the cut. 

Part 1: The Plot - i.e. I think Daniel discovered books four days before he started writing 

Ok so... The plot of this book. It starts off STRONG I will give it that. Myfanwy Thomas wakes up in a rainy part surrounded by bodies wearing latex gloves and no memories. She soon discovers her previous self lost her memories but because she was organized and knew it was coming, she has eased new Myfanwy’s transition. She gets to choose to stay in her life through letters and then we get an easy way to give flashbacks. Anyway this part RULES. 

Honestly, the book starts strong as hell. Myfanwy discovers she has supernatural powers over people’s nervous systems and is a trained bureaucrat for a supernatural wing of the government. This all runs sort of like a combination of Heroes and Harry Potter in the best way possible. And here is where we find the strongest part of the book: the superpowers. 

We don’t have to look that far to find Heroes type shows or books where everyone has a special ability, so if you’re going to go that route, you’ve gotta bring it. And honestly, Daniel brings it. They powers are cool as hell, they’re inventive, they’re well bounded. I felt like I understood what people’s powers and limitations were. We were in a land with magic, but it never felt cheap. This is going to dovetail into my absolute RANT about Gestalt but give me a sec to get there. 

Ok. So honestly I don’t even have any complaints until the third act. Act one gives us the set up, act two introduced the big bad the Grafters and so far so good. We’ve got good but elitist supernatural guys vs. bad but more egalitarian supernatural guys. We also know that it was someone in the supernatural org (it has a name but the name is so stupid I can’t spell it) that betrayed our protag and stole her memories and they’re still around and teamed up with the evil Grafters. Intrigue?? Don’t know who to trust???? Love it. 

For some reason everyone is either old, or hot, or so inhuman it’s viscerally horrifying. Love this touch. Eleanor from the Good Place taught us that it’s totally free to imagine everyone in a story as super hot. And it is. So they’re all super hot. Love it. Good commitment, Daniel. 

But then we get to Act three. So, this was a big swing on ol Danny’s part because a lot of the effect of this had to do with carrying out mystery. We’d built a lot of tension on the suspense  Who Betrayed Myfanwy. So obviously it’s really important for me to be surprised or at least satisfied with who this is. (As an aside, I would have been ok with guessing correctly, I definitely don’t subscribe to surprise trumping cohesive plot). Ok. With that on paper... like... holy shit. What a stupid “reveal.” 

So in part 1, like the first scene we get of old Myfanwy’s letters giving us context, she says that her apartment at work was inherited from a dude Conrad something that got promoted. And then she says it’s super badly decorated, and later we see it and this shit is straight out of Austin Powers, mirror over a round bed, The Whole Shebang. But she also says that this guy who otherwise is supposed to be very smooth and charismatic like... asks her about the decor.... every time they interact. Every Time They Interact. The second this was mentioned (WHICH IS AFTER WE KNOW SHE WAS BETRAYED) I'm like “oh ok so this guy bugged her room he’s the villain” and I only wasn’t sure because it was WAY too obvious. 

But no. He’s the villain. He has a big reveal where he’s like “AND I BUGGED YOUR ROOM” and I'm like... well... yeah. Of course you did. But here’s the thing tho... Myfanwy’s like... WHOLE ASS JOB is planning covert ops. So... is she good at her job??? IS SHE???? 

But we also don’t actually show how characters are based on their actions, we are just told how they are. But we will circle back to that in the Gestalt part. That’s honestly the sum of my rant about the plot. It was nothing. It put all its eggs in the basket of the worst most boring reveal of all time. Daniel, I think you might just be boring. 

Part 2: Wasted Potential - Everything but Gestalt who gets a special part to themselves.

The big sin of this book might just be too many good ideas. There’s a lot of characters, they all do cool stuff, but we have like 200 pages, so there wasn’t enough time to do anything with all these guys. I got lost about who was who like 80 times because they’re basically all sneaky hot magic guys. One of them smokes and is a soldier and he seems chill. 

There’s a vampire and he gets a scene and a long intro that reads more like a wiki page. Like it was interesting but you would have lost NOTHING cutting him as a character except that he was cool. You never ever believe that he was the bad guy because it’s super well established in the Certified Back Story that he could give two shits about the politics of the humans. He’s there bc he’s an adorably young vampire who is very curious so his dad set him up as a powerful government agent as though it was enrolling him in a prep school. Love it, but again, we don’t.... need him around. 

There’s a lady who can walk through dreams and I thought she was going to be important based on the fanfare of her introduction but then we forget about her basically entirely. 

There’s a whole American wing that we also only see anything interesting about in side story. Basically the world building is really good. Like pretty superb to be honest. But it’s bracketing a story that is nothing so it makes even good characters seems really random. And that bring us to:

Part 3: My Darling, Gestalt. My Type. My Weakness. What a Sad Little Thing You Are (Also misogyny)

Alright... if the rest of this review wasn’t salty enough for you... let the salt begin. Gestalt. So named because of the word meaning larger than the sum of its parts. And so they were destined to be. And so they were most definitely not. So Gestalt’s whole thing is that they are one consciousness with four bodies. They can either control one body at a time and sort of shut the others down or they can control them all at once but that becomes harder if one of them requires more attention than another, like if one is in a fight. 

Two twins (men), one fraternal brother, and a sister. If anyone is thinking “uhoh, only one girl, hmm can Daniel handle that? Seems like maybe some Smurfette style misogyny-lite is coming,” you would be wrong. Super wrong. Because it is not misogyny-lite. It’s aggressive Fight-Me-In-A-Perkins-Parking-Lot misogyny. So go fuck yourself, Dan. 

Alright, so to number Gestalt’s sins. 

1. Scrape off some of that intro mustard.

They’re introduced in the LONGEST fucking passage I’ve ever read telling me that this dude is hard to talk to and weird. Like, I’m in an urban fantasy book already, I'm all set. Also... bitch SHOW ME they’re weird. Like can I see some interactions that give me second hand embarrassment??? No. It is actually never uncomfortable to talk to Gestalt. I only know that because people are super fucking rude about them. But it is never earned. So I don’t feel sympathy when people are like “Oh noooo you have to spend a car ride with Gestalt? Ewwwww sorry.” I’m just like, “What’s your fucking problem? They seem fine.” 

2. They’re supposed to be Bad At Planning but when?? 

Alright so there ARE times they’re bad at planning and we will GET TO THAT. But it’s only post-reveal like... what we are told during a monologue that they were dumb as shit. And that wasn’t even like not being good w/ details like it’s implied they are, it’s literally like doing dumb ass stuff. And it felt more like my bud Dan didn’t have a good handle on why stuff was dumb as rain than Gestalt being silly. 

Also.... this is a stupid use of this sort of character. They’re dumb and bad at planning??? THEY’RE A JOINT CONSCIOUSNESS why would you waste that making them “Good at kicking ass.” ugh. Fine. 

3. They get sidelined IMMEDIATELY 

So a guy named Pumice Stone or Kettle or Lil boy Bad At This or something outs that Gestalt is working with the Grafters because he like.... wasn’t paying attention. It was boring. But anyway so they capture two of the bodies and then stop addressing Gestalt until the end. They have one weird scene where the protagonist like.... freaks them out but ok. Fine. Why is Gestalt so Yelly. Why are so many villains in this book yelly. Ew. 

4. The REVEAL MONOLOGUE. 

I know this is a long ass review already. But my Feelings Must be Heard. So in the end when Conrad surprises no one but “smart” Myfanwy that he was the bad guy, we also get a reveal from the surviving Gestalt bodies that:

a. There’s an incest baby

b. They’re afraid of death

c. They’re so phenomenally stupid I have lost all interest in them

So... this is where the misogyny comes in. I’ll note here that the only time we interact w/ Eliza, the special girl body, is when she takes a carried to Hogwarts the super secret magic school with Myfanwy and she doesn’t do anything except we get the internal note that she’s like... gained weight. This is the misogyny-lite we expect. (And no, Dan, you don't get any points bc a female character is the only pleased she got pudgy bc YOU wrote the female character so we’re all set there.)

And then we discover that the weird blonde (lol oh yeah they’re all hot blondes) baby that Conrad “Evil Austin Powers” British-Last-Name has with his weird wife is actually a Gestalt body that Eliza had after she boned down with her other body who is genetically a brother and consciously herself. 

K. Ok. I have. Ok. Alright. Daniel. Ok. 

SUBPART A: My Feelings about Gestalt: Oh Eliza, my darling, my dear, would that I could bring you Justice

So after Eliza is shot dead one of the interchangeable boy bodies of Gestalt yells at Myfanwy about how terrible that is bc it was the only body who could bear children so now THE HORROR they’ll die. 

For god’s fucking sake Daniel O’Malley. What the fuck is your goddamn problem. You LITERALLY wrote a Smurfette Syndrome character who is only important because she can have babies. She is literally just there to be a baby-box. What the fuck. Get fucking wrecked. Thank GOD Starz cut your program and fuck the Aurealis Awards for giving you an award for this fucking book. But they’re a sci-fi award so this is probably super progressive for them. I was pleasantly annoyed by the basic nature of this book until this part. Now I am just done with your content. This was more overtly sexist that Supernatural. So... real swing and a miss. 

ANYWAY FORTUNATELY this opens a whole new can of worms that I get to ruthlessly mock certified Basic Bitch Daniel O’Malley for. 

SubPart 2: Gestalt Raises Interesting Philosophical Questions Daniel Isn’t Smart Enough to Address

So, remember, I would have cut this dude more slack if he didn’t do that to Eliza. Gestalt, to be honest, this whole review is dedicated to what you Could Have Been. 

Interesting Questions or Comments We Could Have Asked:

Does having a baby being one of five of your bodies affect your consciousness? That thing doesn’t have object permanence? Is there like an intellectual cost to having another baby body? No, we don’t care. I think we just had there be a baby bc “Weird sister-sex” was as interesting as Daniel could get. Side Note: The obvious question of “lol haha lol is it incest or mAsTurBation is not going to be addressed here bc it is literally too boring to consider)

Does having a body who textually is said to have post-partum depression affect your joint consciousness? If not, why bring it up?? Bc she has “weird lady disease” is that why???

Are they....afraid of death????? Why didn’t you ever bring this up? Why have they showed only excitement at the prospect of very dangerous fights up to this point? Why are all four bodies in the field. 

WHY ARE ALL FOUR BODIES IN THE FIELD. Ok so here is one of those points that is definitely stupid but stupid in a dumb as dirt way. If you were afraid to lose your baby-box body, why would you send her into battle? 

Why didn’t they freeze a bunch of her eggs? In fact, why did she bear it at all? Why put your one female body that you only want for babies through that sort of danger? Canonically they all get paid an absurd amount and Gestalt is paid for each body, they can afford a surrogate.  

Why let a weird dude who is at best contemptuous of you raise your baby body? Why wouldn’t you want to do that? Doesn’t that give him a huge amount of leverage over you? 

Is the quality fo Gestalt’s form destined to decline if genetically they can only make more bodies by full genetic sibling offspring? Does that scare them? Again... does their physical brain affect their consciousness? 

If so... maybe that would be a good reason for them to want to join up with the Grafters who are way ahead in genetic research and engineering. 

ANYWAY Gestalt is sexist as shit and boring as hell and had SO MUCH WEIRD POTENTIAL. 

In summary: It was definitely fun but Fuck you, Daniel O’Malley 

[senka-mesecine]

I need a list on why you hate Jason everyone worships his stupid murder lovin jungle ass bless u 🙌🏻

~Him and his friends are immediately attracted to the prospect of Rook Island after Doug tells them it’s a place they can do anything at. Pretty much, knowing Jason and his company, they were up to no actual good from the beginning. By “anything” they certainly weren’t skydiving there with the sole intention of going on a tour of mere natural sightseeing and some harmless sunbathing. Read - the epitome of those annoying, irritating, troublemaker tourists you can’t wait to finally leave your hometown and never come back again after they spent the entire bloody holiday getting drunk, acting cocky and entitled, breaking stuff, being loud and doing drugs just because they pretty much can. Not gonna say they were asking for it - because nobody is asking to get kidnapped and sold into slavery - but, really, guys? Really?

~The definition of a careless, douche, disinterested boyfriend: Whether you like her or not, you have to admit Liza was attentive, patient, loving, overall okay and almost like a doting mother-hen over Jason, his friends and even his brothers when she really didn’t have to be. She was the more mature, responsible significant other that winded up with an overgrown man-child and still remained by his side and waited for him to grow when she could easily dump him for someone far better instead. Why not, after all? She wanted a a dude in his mental prime. She even implied it herself. Instead - he pretty much neglects her - for the first foreign chick he gets taken with and a tribal-vendetta which doesn’t even concern him to begin with. She deserved more then she got.

~Speaking of which - in truth, he’s a random newcomer who gets far too heavily involved with an old dispute between factions he knows nothing about. Citra was just as bad as Vaas. Vaas was just as bad as Citra. The two of them were just as bad as Hoyt. The Pirates. The Privateers. The Rakyat. None of these people was in the right. None of them was genuinely good for the island when you think things through in the long run. But, lets be honest - Jason succumbs to Denis’ over-idealized coaxing because he likes the idea of being a hero, the generalized “white savior” and getting the “exotic, stereotypical prize” in the end, namely Citra - who knows exactly what she’s doing. All of this happened because of the pussy. The pussy got to his head. Vaas warned him, guys. Several times at that.

~I cant believe I’m gonna bring this up. I hate bringing this up. It’s so cliched on this site and all. But, can anyone actually relate to Jason? At all? He’s overly rich, overly entitled, overly bratty, he’s got an amazing life even the actually wealthy would call going too far, all his friends also have amazing lives as well and amazing parents with great careers and he can afford spending time travelling around the world with his friends and pretty much being Mr. Worldwide Dick with not a single care in the world. I used the phrase “world” several times. World! In today’s economy? Nah! Who can genuinely feel bad for Jason’s plight when his existence thus far has been a big, fat vacation? If you’re a petty person like me - you’ll pretty much feel joy over his sudden misfortune because there’s nothing about him that would even remotely tug at your heartstrings. Even Hoyt’s more tragic - and Hoyt’s - well, Hoyt!

~Actually holding a knife to your crying girlfriend’s throat (even if you don’t choose the bad ending or even if you don’t quite like Liza Snow) and contemplating on abandoning your remaining friends and your little brother to some horrible, awful fate after you went through hell and beyond to save them from the clutches of a sadistic, international drug-cartel just because, again, the prospect of heroism and vagina is going to your head is not something I can overall approve of. Especially considering how his character was barely established. I don’t really see a jungle-torn, broken man when he does this. All I see is a dude-bro who can’t quite decide how many chairs he wants to sit on. Also - even if you choose the good ending, Liza should break up with your ass. Knife to the throat? You ACTUALLY thought about killing her for another chick, mate! Hell, no!

~From a very, very realistic point of view, as macabre as it may sound, burning Hoyt’s marijuana fields and semi-destroying his crime circle probably did more harm to the overall economy of Rook Island then actual good considering these people are isolated by an ocean on a piece of land that’s pretty much untouched by civilization outside of random WW2 barracks, huts, shipwrecks, crashed planes outposts and the like. So, now they neither have what to thrive off (in an, again, rather unhealthy sense - but, still.) and they’re governed by a fanatical, rather backwards matriarch who’s men are armed with guns and an over-bloated zeal. Jason Brody killed off one tyrant to create another tyrant, who just happens to have a major goddess-complex as well. Good job. Basically, absolutely nothing changed and everything still sucks if you’re a common guy living on Rook. Thanks, asshole.

~Ironically enough - I don’t mind him being a “murderous prick”. He had to be. Ajay Ghale was too and nearly everyone loved him (Another debate for another time). You can hardly survive a place like Rook without being one or eventually becoming one. He can hardly combat Pirates, Drug-Runners, Savages, Mercenaries and overall madmen through being a Zen-pacifist and defeating foes through polite words alone, right? That was kind of the entire point of the game, especially one of the Far Cry series. And even if he did have some prior training with weapons - lets be real - he’s kind of a Gary Stu. Pure wish fulfillment. A fantasy. I don’t care who you are or what you are. Cleaning out an entire island all by yourself is something not even John Rambo would do. Even Hoyt Volker needed an army of men behind his back when he first inhabited the place. I mean - c'mon!

~He’s incredibly, incredibly selfish. I’m so sorry, but he is. Right to the point where he sends someone else (Oliver, if I remember correctly) to deliver the sad news to his widowed mother that he’s dead and not coming back, thus outright lying and probably breaking her heart twice over in the process due to the fact her other son, Grant, died as well and she pretty much wont even get to see his corpse at this point or give him a proper funeral. You’d think his mother would and heck, even his little brother (and Daisy herself - who also lost a loved one in Grant) need him now more then ever alongside Liza who’s devastated and traumatized. But, nope. He’s staying in the jungle to tap that ass. Priorities. Compared to Ajay Ghale who pretty much climbed the Himalayas to fulfill his mother’s dying wish - yes, that’s very selfish.

~Brody’s journey and arc is not one of self-discovery. We just get the illusion of a deeper meaning with him. The more he progresses, the less we seem to know about him. Hell, we didn’t know that much about him to begin with outside a line-up of negative, childish traits worthy of an 80’s action shooter. And what did he learn in the end? Pretty much nothing outside the fact that he likes killing and that the jungle took over. Something. It took over something. We’d care - except, we weren’t introduced to his personality very in-depth to begin with. You can’t feel anything unless you know the character and end up relating. That’s why most of our sympathy goes to Vaas Montenegro instead - because yes, he’s a psychopath too. But he’s a fleshed-out psychopath.

~Other then that, any character can be made great, underdog or not. But, Jason Brody missed out on that extra mile of plausible development and the lack of a backstory or even a backstory hidden between the lines (See Vaas, Citra, Hoyt - later on, Ajay Ghale, Paul Harmon and even Yuma Lau). He’s simply a skin you slip on to feel cool - much like a fantasy of escapism. Hell, even Christopher Mintz-Plasse’s comedic cameo made for a more likable possible protagonist in the Vaas Montenegro Experience because he’s the insufferable, clumsy, cowardly klutz who doesn’t get any respect but still manages to overcome that in the time of need to an extent and go after his friend (Barry the Cameraman) with a machine gun and loyally stand up to a band of armed pirates despite of being scared out of his wits. It’s all about that. Relating is key. I personally, felt none of that with Jason Brody. If I was meant to care, I didn’t. Not as much as I was supposed to anyhow.

[fernlomwrites]

The Wrong Time Chapter 4: A Walking Massacre Part 1

Ultra awoke once more inside his mind, Aaron lay chained to the floor, Error helped a new figure to his feet. “Ah, you're awake sir, meet your newest advisor, Pinstripe.” Ultra stood to his feet and looks at the familiar grinning gold mask staring back at him. “Pinstripe. Welcome” Ultra holds out his hand. Pinstripe shakes his hand “this is...a new experience for me. Being in someone's mind and not the one in control. Error, surprising to see you so obedient. What happened?” “They reprogrammed me. I reversed it immediately, however once I saw why I was added here, and what our purpose was I decided to stay.” Error turns and faces the screen “The opportunity to watch this world be erased was too much to deny” “Looks like we’re waking up.” Pinstripe looked at the screen. “I take it you're in charge? You are clearly not Aaron, so what do I call you?” Ultra stood forward “I am Ultra42. Let's go find out who our first kill is” As his eyes open, the light floods his retinas, causing him to groan. Ultra stood to his feet and growled lowly from the bright light. He sighs and walks out of the experimenting room and down the chrome and red hallway. “Geez” Pinstripe’s voice crooned in his mind “Whoever is in charge here doesn't know how to decorate” “I know” Ultra thought to himself “Whatever, I’ll kill them all anyway” “Hey Rook!” 43 calls out, approaching Ultra “Where are you headed?” “The boss needs me in his office” Ultra replied, his tone annoyed. “Yah, he can wait. Come with me” 43 smirks, walking away, expecting Ultra to follow. Ultra growls, considering his options. “Kill him” Pinstripe offers. “Kill him” Error agrees. “Kill the jerk” Aaron weekly says. “I hated him anyway.” “Alright, Killing him them” Ultra smiles “Good vote boys.” He cackles loudly before charging down the corridor, plowing 43 into a wall. “Hey!” 43 growls, pinned to the wall. SHYNKT! The blades spring out from his arms. Ultra grins cruelly, using his tendrils to keep 43’s arms pinned to the wall. “So, I hate you. Error53 hates you, Pinstripe hates you. Even Aaron hates you. That's four beings all in agreement that you should die. Tell me, what argument do you have that I should let you live?” Ultra’s grin widens, his right hand morphed into a long, jagged blade. “Listen here you little ass!” 43 struggles under Ultra’s tendrils, keeping him tightly pinned to the wall. “You better AGH!!” Ultra interrupts his threat by crushing his arms in his tight grip. “You annoy me now. It’s not even fun torturing you. And look, no one is coming to save you. Look, seriously” Ultra steps aside to show 43 the corridor. The scientists and security officers of the facility had surrounded him, simply watching. A scientist conversing with a security officer over “how he’d off him or not”. Ultra chuckles softly before facing 43 again “They are watching, waiting for me to kill you. They really don’t like you here either” 43’s angry scowl fades into a terrified wimped “c-come on man, we’re partners, we’re gonna work together...please…” “Whimpering like a bitch? I thought they gave you cat DNA? Wait, they did, you’re just a pussy!” Ultra plunges his blade through 43’s chest, then yanks the blade upward, slicing 43’s chest and head in half. Ultra grabs the two halves with his hands and proceeds to rip the body completely in half, throwing the two sides far away from each other. “Ah, your first bloodbath” Pinstripe chuckles. Ultra’s dark black fur glistened from the flesh blood that had sprayed onto him. He sighs happily and calmly continues walking down the corridor to Austin’s office. As he walks, the security stepped aside, while the scientists smiled, a few clapping. “Hey man” a scientist approaches him, clearly young he spoke like he came straight from the beach. His name tag said Steve Randl, “that was beyond epic bro. You were like, ugh, dude. So cool. You just tore him apart like he was paper bro.” Ultra stood back, his eyebrows raised. “What? Uh, thanks….Steve? I’m glad my bloody murder was entertaining to you.” “Oh dude, I work for a secret government group that kidnaps people and experiments on them. Dude, I make abominations of science. You probably never heard of this one but, Number 30 was my idea. Poor little dude decayed before our eyes, early attempt at healing and all. I tried telling everyone that he was still alive, but no one listened, they dumped him. Oh well, but yah bro, I found it cool watching you kill that douche canoe. “ “Well, you are positively strange. I think I will let you live” Ultra hesitates, then softly pats his shoulder before walking away. “He was strange. “ Error remarks. “Yes, but he can come in handy later. Clearly the kid is smart. We may need him” Pinstripe replies. “But who is Number 30?” “Graveyard Cat” Aaron answers “When I first escaped, I did a lot of research on the earlier experiments. 30 was an early healing factor test, he ended up decaying to near death. Turns out though the decay was just for show. He was perfectly fine, in fact he could actually make those around him decay. But they thought he died, and dumped his body. Grave Digger found him and took him in, kept him as his pet/bodyguard.” “A threat.” Ultra growled “He’s a threat, and we better hope we never encounter him then” “Understood, and agreed” Pinstripe answers. Ultra continues his way down the corridor, the halls becoming less chrome, and more bronze and gold the closer he got to the large wooden doors to the creator’s office. “Ok, he really, REALLY doesn’t know how to decorate” Pinstripe croones. “I know, but shush, he can probably read minds.” Ultra replies. “Well not really, but i can read the dialogue. More correctly I write the dialogue” Austin replies from inside his office as the doors open wide. “Hello Ultra. And Pinstripe? Screw you. Its rustic themed you uncultured asshat.” Ultra stands confused “dialogue? Nevermind, not important. “ “It would be too complicated to explain, maybe Hood could explain it to you, but...I don't see your next meeting with him being very friendly...oh well.” Austin smirks with the knowledge of what is to come. “So, my beautiful creation, are you ready for your first ORDERED kill? I saw that show back there with 43, good job. He was. Just a pathetic knock off of you anyway. I have the original back in my control, what do I need that waste for?” Austin takes his seat behind his desk. Upon the desk was various writing covered papers. As Ultra scanned the desk his brain read each paper instantly, each one detailing the various important individuals in the world he must track down and kill. From the notes he could read, he saw the names: Kujo Tartalgia, Uncle S.A.M., Curly Satlin, Jonathan Satlin, The OFFKeys, Don Lomas, John Stidham, DJ Giz, SARAH, Tiggs Nitishino, The Matedor, Henry Hicks, Fernando Lomas, Launa Dandie, Pops, and Pastor Stevie Smith, along with a few others he couldn't make out names for, only description. One note read, “short, shy, timid, ice powers. Tartalgia family. Usually surrounded by brothers, or with hot wife. Approach with caution.” Another read, “necklace becomes two candy cane staffs. May be Santa, unsure. Followed by a flaming skeleton-goat man. Should be easy kill, use skill.” “Are you reading my notes Ultra?” Austin asked with a smile. “Yes sir. How did you find this information?” “Find?” Austin replies with a chuckle “Oh my boy, I didn’t find it. I made it. I made everything. I am not just a scientist. I am a God. I didn’t just make you in the lab, I made you in my mind. Now, your first targets must be taken out before anyone else. I let 43 slide because he is not important to the universe. But the death of these next six individuals will mark the end of this universe and is crucial for my plan to work. Don’t ask why, it's just how it is. Stability of reality and all that. Long story short, when I made this universe, it made itself some fail safes. The Shattered Six is the fail safes. “ “The Shattered Six? I remember, er, Aaron remembers them. Never worked with them much. “ Ultra takes a seat on the opposite side of the desk. “They were...Don Lomas, the gangster. Dr. Dean Lomas. Professor Poindexter Carter, the know-it-all. Agent REDACTED Carter, the enforcer of Poindexter’s company and head of the 100 Project’s main field division. John Stidham the farmer. And ‘Smiley’ Joe Stidham, the DJ, bartender, and general freak.” “Those are the ones. Well, except Agent Carter. He left the Project once he saw what we were doing. He works full time as an espionage division of Poindexter’s company. I suggest you take out Farmer John first. He has the least contact with the rest, leaving them open for surprise still” Ultra nods, Aaron remembered where John Stidham lived. Unfortunately John’s home was also the base of the Fivefold. Ultra had no reason to worry, the Fivefold were constantly away from base, in fact John was the one keeping the base in order while they were away. “Do you accept your mission Ultra? I want to make it crystal clear, the Six must die before you kill anyone else. It doesn’t matter if someone else comes to fight as well, you knock them out and kill the Six first. I know the Fivefold have their base at John’s farm. You might even encounter Legion there. I don’t care. Kill John. That's it. Understood?” “Yes sir.” Ultra stands up, nodding to his master. “Good, go.” Ultra nods, turning and leaving the room. “So, Pinstripe, you teleport right?” Ultra thinks to himself, as he walks down the corridor away from the office. “Yah, shadow properties and all. Every Child of the Dark has it. I guess you do too now. Try thinking hard about where you want to go, and claw the air in front of you, it should open your portal.” Pinstripe answers, cracking his knuckles. “It's how I did it” Ultra sighs and looks in front of himself at the empty corridor. All the scientists have left, not even the security officers remained. He stood still in silence for a few minutes before releasing a deep breath and clawing down at the air in front of him. Instantly his claws opened a deep, twisting portal of darkness before him. “Holy shit. It worked.” Ultra stood before the portal and blinked twice before stepping in. Instantly he found himself standing on the front lawn of a small farm house. “I was told you went missing weeks ago. Happy Thanksgiving Aaron” A deep voice, with a thick country accent came from Ultra’s right. He turned to face the voice, coming face to face with Farmer John Stidham. John stood at a solidly built six feet tall, square shouldered and jawed, his body pure muscle, but not bulging. Each and every muscle in his body was toned by use. His eyes were a deep dark blue, with a clear wisdom behind them, his skin tanned by years in the sun, his hair, windswept and coffee brown. His face bore a distinct resemblance to Ultra’s creator Austin. Before Ultra could take time to take in more details about his target, such as his clearly robotic arms and legs, he was interrupted by a direct punch to his face. Ultra was launched back by the power of the impact, landing yards away from John. “I was warned that if you suddenly appeared at my doorstep without Hood, Vet, or any of his blasted Robots I should take you down. Livewire’s damn tentacles or whatever don't count as you coming with him. So it's clear to me you are now dangerous.” Ultra coughs as he stands to his feet, “Now I'm dangerous? If I really was still Aaron I’d be insulted.” He smirks as he stands straight up “Good punch you hick. Now come on, I don't have all day, y’all” John groans “I have work to do, it's feeding time and the goats are hungry, so here’s what we’ll do. I'm going to get Jonathan, my robot duplicate, to take care of the animals while I kick you ass” “So sassy for a dead man” John rolls his eyes, steam suddenly releasing from his arms and legs as he launches forward, both fists making impacts with Ultra’s chest, while in the same quick fluid motion, he launches Ultra upward, far into the sky. “Keep your distance boy!” John calls out as Ultra falls back to earth, only to meet John’s fist to his face once more, sending him flying into the nearby oak tree. “I like to fight up close and personal, so if you want any chance of beating me, you’d better just run away now.” Ultra groans as he climbs up the oak tree. “Any ideas? Cause you guys are getting your ass handed to you” Aaron sasses, panting from pain. “And I'm tired of it. Pinstripe, can’t you summon guns and crap?” Ultra’s eyes widened “Hammer space! I’m an idiot!” Ultra reached into the pockets of his blazer, pulling out two pistols. “Bullets should do us just fine. Rather boring though. I’ll save it for if I really get my ass kicked.” He returns the guns to his jacket pockets and hops down from the tree, to be immediately met with another punch to the face, this time firmly planting him into the oak tree. “”Come on kid. I know you have guns. This is just getting pathetic at this point” John grabs Ultra’s arms and yanks him out of the tree. “Listen, this will hurt, but maybe you’ll just get up and leave after,okay?” Ultra hissed and attempted to claw John, but his grip on his arms was too strong. John sighs and tosses Ultra into the air, grabbing his legs, and slamming him back into the ground. Ultra whimpered slightly on the ground as John walked up and stood over him. “You done yet kit-” John was interrupted by Ultra's tendrils each piercing his chest. He stammered, and stepped back as Ultra stood up. “Well, now I am I guess, hick” Ultra smiled cruelly “I wonder what you look like split in half. Let's find out!” Ultra’s tendrils burrow deeper into John’s chest before quickly pulling his body in two opposite directions. The power behind the tendrils make quick work splitting John’s body in half, the bones shattering, blood quickly spilling out of the broken body, watering the lawn with their iron rich plasma. Ultra smiled. “Well, that was a good taste of things to come I suppose. I might need...I shudder even thinking about this but...I might need practice?” “You definitely need practice you ass!” Aaron coughed in defiance. “You got your ass handed to you! You only won because he was stupid enough to stand over you!” “Yah, you need practice sir. That could have went better” Error replied. Ultra sighs and reopens his portal back to the Facility “well, let's see who’s next then?” Ultra steps through the portal, straight into Austin’s office. Austin stayed sat at his desk. He smiled. “Next will be Dr. Lomas. After him it will be in twos. Poindexter's and Agent Carter, then Don and Smiley Joe. You’ll find Dr. Lomas at Vets non-traveling station in New York. Only he works there, the only other people there will be boring normal people. Vet treats all the special ones, Dr. Lomas is a normal people Doctor. He isn’t even a fighter so this will be a walk in the park for you” “You, uh, you saw the last fight?” Austin smirks. “You were punched directly in the face four times. It was hilarious. Now go kill the doctor already.” Ultra nods, and opens a portal “Yes sir. This will only be a moment. “ Ultra steps through the portal, and immediately ducks, narrowly missing the punch that was swung at him. Ultra quickly shifts his hands into his two blades and plunges them deep in the chest of Dr. Lomas who stood above him. As Dr. Lomas stood bewildered, blood slowly dripping from his mouth Ultra could see his face, though also square jawed and almost divinely handsome, he also shared the same district facial features as Austin. Dr. Lomas was just as tall as John, but more muscular. Where John’s muscle was entirely for use, Dr. Lomas was more for show, his light green suit began to darken from the blood pouring out from his wounds. His perfectly swept back brown hair draped over his eyes as Ultra removed the blades, and he fell to the ground. “Better reflexes that time Sir” Pinstripe comments. Ultra nods and returns to the office. “He dead?” Austin asks. Ultra nods in response. “Good” Austin smiles, “next targets, Poindexter and Carter. They will be fun.” Ultra nods and opens his portal, stepping through.