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cozytruecrimeaddict · 4 years ago

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I Think I Need Help (Hotch x OC) pt 3

Hey I’m back. (Also I wish the pages app would show me the word count on these because dang, this was like 5 pages of writing)

So this does not 100% follow season 2 episode 11 anymore.

However, my warnings still stand

WARNINGS: regular CM violence, rape, suicide, self harm, and light cheating

Nothing besides the light cheating goes into a lot of detail, just mentions and I want anyone who reads this to be prepared

I quickly rush to gather anything that is visible and bloody and stash it. I remember when I first got close with Aaron, I gave him a key to my place. In case anything happened, so someone had access to my stuff and whatever else might be needed. I’m surprised he didn’t use it this morning.

After that I showered as fast as I could, coming back into my room and changing. I threw everything I needed into my bag and ran into the kitchen, only to find Aaron sitting at my kitchen table.

“Did you speed here or something?” I smiled at him. Just pretend Sam. He won’t figure it out. He won’t try to profile you.

“I was worried. I don’t like being worried about you.”

“Well, you’re not my Dad, Aaron. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Morgans brought up that he’s worried too.”

“I’m fine.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that. You haven’t been acting like yourself.”

“I’m fine Aaron. I don’t know what I can do to prove it to you. I’m just stressed and tired. Lets get back to the office okay.”

Aaron stood up, brushing past me on the way to the door. I really hate lying to him. But, there’s no way in hell I’m telling him the truth. Just one more, before you go. I shake off the thought. I’m not addicted to this again. This isn’t my life. This won’t be my life. I’ll die before that happens.

“So, what did I miss this morning?” I ask, kinda annoyed I slept in on such an important case.

“No new suspects, yet. Another body was found, this one with word ‘failure’ carved into her abdomen. Gideon had just started his psych eval with Nathan before I left.”

Failure, did he emphasize that word on purpose? Is that all he thinks of you. Just the little kid charity case he has to babysit. He hates you. He doesn’t want you around.

“So, how likely is it that the kid did it?” I shake off my thoughts. Stop it Sam. Aaron is one of your best friends. He loves you and cares about you. No he doesn’t. Stop pretending.

“It’s hard to say, I don’t want to believe he did it, but it is still possible.”

I sighed, trying to calm my thoughts. How strange though, to be comforted by the thought of my blood running down my arm.

“Aaron…”

“Sam.”

“Please don’t worry about me. I promise, I’m fine. And if I wasn’t, I’d do whatever it takes to make sure I stayed alive for you and everyone else.”

“The do whatever it takes part is what worries me.” Aaron started, changing lanes and pulling into our parking lot. “Ever since you started with us, you’ve become one of my best friends. I really care about you and I know, I’m over protective.”

I can’t. I can’t have him caring. Theres only one way out of these thoughts. If 10 years wasn’t enough to end them completely, what would be?

“Let’s just get inside..” I got out of the car, and he followed.

The elevator ride took forever. I felt Aaron watching me, studying me. As we reached the floor the offices were on, I stepped forward.

“Don’t try to profile me, Aaron. You won’t like what you find.”

He came up along side of me and whispered something in my ear that made my heart sink.

“I know your neighbors aren’t in a band. I’ll figure out what’s going on eventually”

And he just walked away.

I sat down by Reid as Gideon had brought the kids mom into his office. From the looks of it, it wasn’t going too well.

The day passed by me in a blur of files, and trying to figure out how this all could have happened. How am I still here, why am I here. I’m not helping this investigation whatsoever and I’m really no use to the BAU at all. Especially if they all have to worry about me.

Thats when I noticed it, a damp spot on the left arm of my black top. I must have subconsciously started picking at the cuts. I get up and head to the bathroom, cleaning and drying them as quickly as possible. I got back to my desk, and Nathans mom was looking for him. He wasn’t back at home in his room and she had found some pretty disturbing edits to an edition of Hustler.

We all split up and made our way through the street searching for him. Until, another body was found.

This was…. wrong. Our unsubs profile was literally that he kills early in the morning. Not killing late at night, and to also have him dump this girl at the base of the Federal Building? It doesn’t make sense. Even if he was devolving, this takes risk. This takes prior knowledge of what’s happening around here.

Hotch says as much, but it still doesn’t mean Nathan didn’t just do this as he was passing the poor girl and kept running.

Reid follows a local cop who found the kid, and he brings him in.

Back at the offices, Aaron asks to speak to me in his.

“I think you should sit the rest of this one out, Sam.”

“Why, Aaron?”

“You’re not all here, and I don’t know what’s going on with you, but no one is going to think any less of you for taking a couple days to figure it out.”

“I don’t know what else I can do to prove to you that I am okay. Am I the same as I was? No. But who would be? I know what actually went through some of these girls minds.” My chest tightened, and for a second, just a second, I was back in his basement, my hands tied behind me as he pushed himself into me.

“Sam…” I heard Aarons voice, he sounded distant. 3 days, 17 hours, 22 minutes. I gave up. I was ready to die. They didn’t need me.

“Sam, I’m right here. You’re okay.” No, I’m not. I felt something gripping my wrist. No. I smelled the alcohol on his breath. I tried, I tried to break free.

“No…” I whispered.

“Sammi!” Aaron raised his voice just a little, and the scene around me went back to his office.

“I… Wha… Aaron?” I felt something wet fall from my eyes, I pressed my finger gently underneath, wiping away tears. Aaron guided me to sit down in front of his desk, he kept his hand on my left forearm. That must be why I felt pressure, he probably grabbed me to help steady me. He leaned on his desk.

“Want to explain what just happened?”

“If I knew, I promise you, I would.”

“Talk me through it.”

There was a knock on the door.

“Hang on a second, Sam.”

Gideon appeared, nodding at me.

“We found our guy, and we’re heading out to grab him now.”

“Alright, I’ll be down in a second.”

Gideon left, and Aaron came back to me.

“You’re sitting this arrest out, Sam. I want you to stay here and help Garcia. That’s an order.”

“I’m…”

“Don’t say you’re fine. We’ll talk about this later.”

I went off to help Penelope with whatever she needed,

She had everything under control and mostly we just talked.

“Okay, but Sammi my love, you need to give me the details!” She smiled at me.

“What details Pen?” Seriously, what did she want.

“About Hotch? He’s so private with everyone except you. Like who is he? Is he a good kisser? A girl needs to know these things.”

I laughed. She wants to know everything I can tell her about Hotch?

“Oh no, I am not crossing that line.”

“Oooooh which lines and how many have you guys crossed.”

“He’s just my best friend.”

“hey!”

“Okay, my best guy friend. I need my girls nights with you and JJ”

“So no after work make out sessions?”

“He has Haley.”

“If all men were loyal, crimes of passion wouldn’t exist sweetheart.”

“He’s loyal to her.” As far as I knew.

But, before I could have too much fun, something dark started creeping into my mind again.

She is just babysitting you. You were too much of a burden to be in the field, and you’re a burden on her. Why are you still even here? Why do you even bother waking up. Change that detail, and their lives would be better. You weren’t even good enough for the creep in his moms basement, or he wouldn’t have let you go back to them.

Garcia noticed me zoning out, but by then, the team was back and Reid was talking to Nathan again.

“Okay, that’s it. We’re going out tonight.”

“Oh no, I’m not in the mood.”

“I will drag you. You are coming.”

She pulled me to my feet and dragged me out of her office.

“Reid, come on. We’re going out.”

“I really wouldn’t be much company tonight.”

“You’re coming.” She insisted.

“Listen to her Reid, she’s dragging me along.”

He smiled at me, but gave in and got up.

As we got to Pennys car, Reids cell phone rang. Everything just happened so fast. I was starting to psych myself up for heading out with them, but it wasn’t okay.

“Drive, and hurry.” Reid said as we all climbed into Penelope’s car.

“What happened?”

“It’s Nathan…” Reid said.

Oh no….

We got to the motel room, and everything was just wrong. Nathan was across the bed, both wrists slashed.

I wasn’t in the motel anymore. I was 13 again. I was laying across my bedroom floor, begging for a reason. Any reason at all, to just stay. I couldn’t think of one. My own parents abandoned me because I was such a freak. I was too smart for my own good, yet not smart enough. I was graduating high school, and getting ready to start college at my age? The world was just beginning to open up, yet everything felt so small. Everyday everyone told me I was better off dead. Teachers ignored me. No foster parents cared enough to keep me around for more than a year. But that was all about to change. I wouldn’t be around long enough to care anymore.

I felt myself put pressure on Nathans left arm, at the same time Reid got to his right.

“Spencer…” I whispered, there was too much blood. Theres a chance that this kid was going to get what he wants. His answer to the pain.

Everything faded into the background, as a paramedic guided me and Reid off the kid.

I looked down, and my top was covered in blood, whether its my own or not, I don’t know.

Outside, the team was waiting by the ambulance for us.

Gideon guided Reid back towards his car, and Morgan took Penelope. But of course, I was alone. I started making the walk back to get to my apartment. I wasn’t even too far back to the main road when Hotch pulled up.

He got out of his car and hugged me to him.

“What happened? When Garcia said attempted suicide I thought…”

“I told you Aaron, I’d do whatever it takes to survive.”

“Come on, I’ll take you home.”

“I’m fine with walking, if you had an extra shirt or something though, that’d be much appreciated.”

“Sam, get in the car. I’m not playing this game tonight.”

So, I gave in. I became the charity case yet again. The little girl who always needs her friends to protect her, even when she doesn’t deserve it.

Hotch took the 20 minute drive back to my house. Instead of just dropping me off, and letting me head in to be with my thoughts, he followed me inside.

“I’m fine.”

“We discussed this earlier, I never have and never will believe those words.”

“You should be with your wife and son.”

“I’m staying here tonight. I’m not leaving you alone right now, until I know you’re okay.”

I sighed, putting my gun and badge in a drawer in my hallway and locking it.

“I’m not your charity case, Aaron. I don’t need your help.”

“Charity…. Sammi, is that really how you see yourself?”

“Ever since I was taken..” 3 days, 17 hours, 22 minutes. “You and everyone else have been acting like one wrong turn and I’m going to break.”

“I’m going to break one of our rules tonight Sam, and I hope you can forgive me.”

“Aaron, we only have one rule for our friendship to work, and that’s that we can’t profile each other…”

He guided me to sit down on the couch and look at him. I hated that he was about to do this, and I hate that I need him in my life. I hate that I can’t let go to make his life easier.

“Ever since you’ve been back, you jump at every sound. You empathize better with our female victims, especially those who have been assaulted, which leaves me to believe that while we were trying to find you, you were assaulted, or at least threatened with it. The way you’re trying to get away from me right now makes me almost positive of that fact. The way you got lost in the blood from this past case leaves me to believe you have some kind of issue involving blood from the past, possible childhood or early adolescence. Once again, your body language right now gives me reason to think I’m correct. The way you’ve been….”

“S…st.. stop. Aaron. Please.” I moved closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. I took a breath, trying to steady myself. “If I tell you what happened when I was taken, you will never stop seeing me as this victim. I will never stop feeling like a burden on the team. I will never be able to get back what I lost. You want the truth, Agent Hotchner, the truth is that I’m barely hanging on. However, I’m fighting like hell to keep my head above water. All I have to do that with is my job, and making sure I stop the next creep before they do what they did to me, to someone else. If I tell you what happened, or anything that I have going through my head, you won’t even like me anymore. You’ll transfer me off to some other department and I won’t have only lost my job, or my friends, but I’d have lost my family. I’d have lost the only person that I love.”

I didn’t realize it, but I had gotten so close to him. Our faces mere inches apart. I don’t know what’s happening. Why am I doing this. He’s married. He’s my best friend. But here I am, once again, messing things up. That was when I felt it. I saw his dark eyes staring into my blue ones. My heart literally skipped a beat, and in that second, Aaron had placed his hands under my chin and pulled me up to him. He kissed me softly, slowly. I moved just a little bit, wrapping my arms around his neck. Why was I doing this. Haley. Jack. I needed to stop. But, this felt right. As I pulled him to me, he leaned forward just a little bit more, causing us to fall backwards on my couch. I gasped, and I just stopped. I moved my hand to his chest, pushing back a little.

“We can’t..”

“I’m… I’m sorry. I…” He stuttered.

“I.. I can’t Aaron.”

“You said I didn’t like you.. you don’t even know how much…”

“Stop.” I felt my eyes burning. I liked Haley, she was kind enough to ask me to be Jacks godmother.

I moved Aaron off of me and got up.

“I need to shower, you… you can st..stay but I’m going to sh..shower and head to bed.”

As I stormed off down the hall, I looked back to see Aaron sitting there with his head in his hands. I know he must be upset, he just kissed me when he’s married to Haley. I won’t be the reason his marriage ends. I just won’t.

#aaron hotch #hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #Aaron hotch x oc #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine

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kate-read-that · 4 years ago

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Everyone knows there's two groups in Scott's town: bikers and players. On one hand, bikers are a mess to be around: always looking for trouble, making noise, partying all over the city.... a mess. Th issue is, most have good grades and know enough about machines and motors and such to give classes to the mechanics from town.

On the other hand, players are nice looking, kind hearted, smart boys that never make a fuss and are always there to help the community however they can. Most are football players, runners and basketball players or all of those at the same time. They're a charm to be around, if you're lucky enough to get in their circle.

"Welcome to Pop's, please sit wherever, its early yet" says Peter to his friends, careful to keep equilibrium on his rollers.

"Thanks Mr, we'll take the same table we usually do" Steve laughs and goes sit at their usual table with the rest.

Serving the table next to them, pretty blond looks at Peter with adoration.

"Is Claire still trying to get you to ask her out, Peter" MJ asks, fully knowing the answer already. Peter whines.

"I've tried to discourage her in a million ways! I'm bi, but I'm not interested in her, I dont know why she doesnt get it!"

"Man shes hot and funny, what is there not to be interested about?" Sam asks, one broe arched in disbelief.

"If you like her, ask her out! That'll get her off me" Peter begs while writing down their orders, even thought theres no need.

They always order the same food and wait until Peter finishes his turn to go so something around the city, and tonight's no exception, until new company arrives.

The door opens to Tony S., major douchebag of the city, and his friends, the major dumbasses, Nat, Clint and Bucky B. Peter's friends instantly look awkward and pissed, and the other persons in the diner look at Tony's and his friends with dread. Who know what they might be up to. The fact that they cant be thrown off high school because his amazing grades pisses off a lot of people.

Peter swallows and calms himself. He hopes Tony wont cause problems in the diner, because that's the last thing he needs and tmhe really doesnt want to kick anyone out. Besides, he isn't sure how he would kick them out if he had to.

Despite his nervousness, he rolls to them and smiles politely: " Welcome to Pop's, please sit wherever, today is not as full"

"What about you sit on my lap, darling?" Tony claimed he was bi a long time ago; more than claimed, he was caught having sex with some guy under the major's statue. Peter counts to five so he doesnt reply to that.

"Choose whatever table you want, I'll go serve you right now" he then turns around to give the cooker his friends orders, hoping he doesnt look too startled.

Tony usually mocks them in high school, and they mock right back, but he has never said anything sexual to him. It's strange, thinking of him that way, like someone you can have sex with. Peter shakes his head and rolls back to Tony's table.

Nat and Clint are too busy signaling at each other to notice he's there, and Bucky is checking something on the other side of the diner. Peter is too shy to say something when no one is paying attention, so he waits until Tony tells his friends to shut up and order already because they're making Parker loose his time.

Peter looks at him surprised, but smiles and starts taking notes. Clint has a little bit problem to order, because his deaf and his parents couldnt teach him to talk until he got in school, but he manages. Peter likes Clint, he's nice and seems a good person, but he doesnt understand why he mixes with the rest.

Nat is adopted and she's always in trouble for this thing or the other, she's always quiet but when she talks is like she's always trying to test you, somehow. Bruce had to give her math classes for a while and he said she's actually not that bad, but she still scares Peter.

Buckys parents are cool, they let him leave alone, which sounds incredible, but hes always argues with teachers and missing class, and hes always inappropriate and rude to people.

And Tony's parents are as rich as it gets, but they like to live away from big cities so they're here until tony graduates. Peter doesn't know much about them, except that they no longer pick Tony up when he gets arrested so one of the members of their staff does it. His uncle Sam is a cop, and he says theres nothing sadder than parents that dont care about his son enough to get mad at him.

So Peter tries to be kind to them, but it's so hard when all they do is mock him and his friends. Besides, Tony always has the expression, like he's to good for everyone else! It drives Peter mad.

"I'm going to have the Burguer 6, with chips and a piece of that ass" Tony pretends to read seriously from the menu, but his friends dont laugh. Peter's tired of the jokes, but he needs the job and Tony is not going to ruin this for him.

"Sure thing, dude, maybe when hell freezes. What else?" The others do laugh this time, to Peter's confusion, and order their meals.

.....

"Dude he absolutely hates you" Bucky seems to find this hilarious, even though hes Tony's best friend and he should support him, dammit!

"Of course he had to wear shorts, not like I could keep my mind straight or something" Tony moans, watching Peter roll away like the cute doll he is.

"You're like an animal dude" Clint says, little sloppy but understandable.

"Pathetic" Adds Nat, as if Tony needed confirmation of the screw up.

"And besides, since when is your mind straight?" Bucky laughs at his own joke, like the idiot he is, Tony thinks, while checking the other side of the diner again.

"At least I dont stalk Rogers from here like some kind of pervert" Tony smiles wide at Bucky's affronted face, blushing and frowning. "Whatever".

"Dude, just tell him you're into him and ask him on a date, this suave shit is not your style" Clint signs, too tired to try and talk. Tony signs back "Suave is totally think you jerk!"

"Not when you care" Nat interrupts as direct as always, looking seriously at him. "Food here is good but if you did yourself a favor and went straight to it we wouldnt have to come here and hear you whine"

"Straight?" Bucky chimes again, entertained. Nat hits him in the back of the head "Idiot."

"I will, alright? I will"

Rught then, Peter comes back with their drinks and Tony leans back.

"I dont know what I like the most, you coming to me in those cute rolls or you going away in that killer short"

All his friends look at him exasperated, and Tony cant believe he actually said that to Peter. Hes never going to get a date with his cheesy fucking lines.

But Peter laughs. Not a big laugh, okay, but a short, cute one that he tries to hide.

"Maybe youd like me better without both, huh Tony?" He leans towards Tony a little, his hand on Tony's shoulder for a second.

Hes gone just as fast as he came, leaving the whole table shocked.

Tony knows he should close his mouth, but he cant believe Peter Parker just legit flirted back at him. What the hell? He needs a cold shower right now, and his friends need to stop looking at him.

"Did you pay him to say that or something" Tony knows Bucky is trying to be funny, but truth is he cant explain that act either, and when he looks at Nat and Clint for help, they're just staring at him like a third head just grew out.

...

Peter is hyperventilating.

"I cant believe I flirted back. What the hell is wrong with me?" His friends are looking at him like he just told them he likes to dance hula naked in december, and Peter cant blame them

"Huh, maybe the fact that you've had the hots for him for years?"MJs voice cuts the air. Peter looks at her in disbelief.

"I have not! He's arrogant and careless and despective and rude and..."

"And hot and intelligent and funny, in your opinion" MJ adds, smiling "I've seen you laugh at his jokes when you think no one is watching, and you cant deny hes hot and smary"

"Maybe you should date him"

"Dont be ridiculous, I'm leaning to girls in this period of my life. And he's into you, not me"

Peter couldnt believe MJ. He did not have the hots for Tony, and Tomy was not funny, not all the time anyway, and Tony Stark was not into Peter in any way, shape or form.

And yet he had felt so good flirting with him. Seeing his amazement when Peter had answered. For once, Tony was not in control of everything and playing his jokes, he was shocked.

And Peter did that to him.

So Peter decided, what the hell, let's try this out. If he ends up being an asshole, my friends will kick his ass for me.

"If you like him, go ahead, but he looks like too much trouble for me" Steve said, looking worried. He and Bucky had been childhood friends, but they bad separated later in life and Steve didn't like to be close to him or his friends, Tony included.

"Yeah, and if he's a jerk to you well talk to him" Sam smiled threatingly, clapping his hands.

"Nat is really nice to be around when you meet her" added a blushing Bruce, who had been crushing on the ginger since they met but was way too shy to say or do anything.

Peter kept working until he had to deliver Tony's food. He tried not to show he was nervous and he definitely didnt check his ass before going out the kitchen with the food.

"Number 6,8,12, and 3 for you guys, with chips for everyone and a piece of ass for Anthony" he looked at Tony intently, trying to guess his reaction. For a second Stark just stranded there, shocked, until he slapped Peter's ass so strongly all the diner turned around. Or maybe it was because Peter had let out the loudest moan a boy his size could produce.

Peter thought he was going to kill himself. What was that?? One thing is flirting,but that? He was so losing his job. Trying to keep as much dignity as he could, he said "That's more than a piece, and it hurt, you idiot" and he turned around and left, head high and eyes burning from shame.

....

Tony was going to kill himself.

"Dude, what the fuck? He was kidding you dumbass" Bucky, again, was laughing at him. Although this time Tony couldnt blame him, fuck it. What the hell was that?? It's not like Peter's bubble butt didnt deserve one or two good slaps, but Peter worked there!

On the other hand, how could have Tomy anticipated that Peter was going to react like that? That moan could have brought people from the death, nd it certainly brought some of Tony's parts as well.

"It seemed like he liked it" Nat said, like she was reading Tony's mind. She was trying to keep herself from laughing, while Clint signaled that he was scarred for life.

Tont got up without knowing what he was doing. People weren't looking directly anymore, but he knew they were still totally focused on his movements. He got in the staff room without problems. Apparently Claire was too shocked to say nothing about it.

As soon as he got in he saw Peter, sitting in a corner, head buried on his lap.

"Dude what the hell? Are you alright?" Tony rushed to him scared. Peter just laughed.

"You're kidding? I'm si getting fired after that. What the fuck, man? In which world is that an appropriate way of flirting?"

"So we were flirting?" Tony wanted to confirm, and he realized now he sounded like an ass.

"Oh my god you slapped my ass but you dodnt know we were flirting? Dude! You're all class arent you?" Peter frowned at him.

"Didnt seem like you cared" Tomy knew he was being a dick, but he couldnt help it when Peter was right there, all long legs and blushed and nervous and biting his goddamn lip making it even redder than usual. If possible, Peter got even more red. "I liked that a lot, but that doesnt mean you can do it in my job, you idiot"

"What about my place? When you finish here?" Tony knew he was going to be totally rejected after that but he had to try, right?

"Ah, no, I'm not letting you win after that. You're taking me on a date first, and if you behave I'll let you take me to your place and well see what happens" Peter said, knowing full well he was going to be ditched.

"Deal"

"Wait, you sirious?" Peter opened his eyes in disbelief.

"What, you're not?" Tony arched his brow.

"I am, I am. Okay, deal"

"Can I ask you something, before I leave?"

"What?"

"Would you wear those shorts to our date?"

#starker #tony stark #peter parker #diner au #biker!tony #waiter!peter #not my best work #not my best writing #but #not the worst #long scene #fanfic #kinda #i guess #fanfiction #be kind lol

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colourful-void · 5 years ago

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Hoshiai no Sora Fan Movie Breakdown/Theory/I don’t know

Yeah I went mad so imma do theories now I guess. rip homework and fic.

spoilers for the fan movie, which is like 3 minutes and on youtube so just head over there, theres a link up here somewhere.

So first off, where’d the student council go?

Prez dances alone despite usually having some people watching and clapping behind her. They’re just gone!

Most of the first half is reused footage, so theres not much Ill break down, at least for now.

Once the outro is done, we cut to the final moments of Hoshiai Episode 12, as if we haven't had that scene burned into our brains.

Once that ends, we cut to this little card:

Which I think means two years later (according to this post which is honestly a way better post than mine, go read it.)

and then this card which according to google translate says ‘living that time’ I dont think thats right.

Let’s note we’ve returned to black on white background, and not the coloured on black of the title card at the end.

One of the best OST’s in the show plays (imo) and we get a little montage.

Rintarou and Taiyou go to the same school, good for them! They’re trying to get members for a soft tennis team (probably) but everyone around them is uninterested. They have more colour then anyone else in the shot, and are given more detail. part of that is because no one does background characters, but I think theres some symbolism there with them having their own little world of soft tennis, especially since Rintarou and Taiyou are known as the more energetic and friendly (or colourful!) members of the team. There’s also a baseball team walking in the background which I find interesting.

Tsubasa is angry and still playing tennis. If we follow his line of sight we find he’s glaring at (or at least guiding us to) the people in the back longing around and not playing. I can think of two reasons why he’s upset. One: because of everything that happened season one, he takes the game seriously and dislikes people slaking off. or two because it reminds him of his old team. I think one is more likely than two though. yet again anyone who isnt a main character isnt coloured in.

Shingou????? Is now at a strict school I guess?? The thing that stands out here isnt really him being at this school, (his parents could totally send him off) but he looks happy. Proud even. Not only is that contrary to the Shingou we know, but look around him. The background characters dont have eyes but they sure do have frowns. they’re also really gray, unlike Shingou.

iTSUKI GOT TALLER?? Lets note some things! The background characters have gone from being tinted a bit grey to entirely monochrome. The other characters have backpacks like Itsuki (idk the name but they hold tennis rackets) by beyond that, Itsuki doesn’t fit into the scene at all. Beyond just the colour, he’s not looking at the other boys, and it doesn't seem much like the other boys are looking at him. you could crop him out of the scene and the boys would look perfectly normal. The boys are also all wearing ties where Itsuki has a hoodie, giving him another way to stand out.

Now where everyone else had a still that zoomed in, we turn to my son, Nao.

He gets 5 shots, two of which are animated.

Note that when we see Nao’s hand all bandaged, the music takes a bit of a dip, making a static noise a bit like what we hear in some Nao scenes, or like a ghost.

So: Nao doesn’t play tennis anymore, clearly he either misses it or something, but in whatever case he thinks about it, and watches the others play. More than just play, he watches them celebrate.

Now look at the other boys who approach Nao. We get a bad vibe on instinct. I could be wrong, but it looks like the boy on the far right is the same boy who watched as another bully talked to Itsuki and then got bashed for it. Mainly just due to hair and him wearing a mask around his chin, which we haven't seen a single other character do. Actually, I dont think we’ve ever seen a Hoshiai character wear a mask, so it stands out.

Now, Nao’s knuckles are bandaged, which suggests he punched someone or something. I cannot picture him doing this. WE can see the bandages aren’t even, so he probably placed them himself, who whoever did it, did with little care.

Nao says: something. I can’t read lips or speak Japanese, but im not sure what Nao says is even readable. It has no audio, but the spooky noises continue. Music is now gone.

Cut to black.

Bird noises! Maki is watching their old sitting spot from afar, suggesting reminiscence.

Maki says something! I don’t know what, According to the other post, translated here on twitter, he says:

"Let's leave it be. He probably just doesn't want to see me again"

So that’s likely refering to Touma, or possibly his father but I doubt that highly.

Note: Everyone keeps their distance from Maki, Arashi still has his tennis bag, Mitsue has a very nice uniform and Yuu has a new bag I think, which is pink. Very cute.

Yuu is the only one we don’t see in any uniform (itsuki didnt have the tie but he had a jacket) so we don't know what school they go to, of what uniform they wear. Yuu and Mitsue stand close together, so we ca assume that friendship lives on.

I won't do shots of all of Touma’s dialogue but here's some:

And of course the most important shot,

Now: Touma is saying in this scene, thanks again to twitter, translator’s tweet is here go leave a like,

"It's pointless. He has no game sense. Why does he make the same mistakes? There's no point in continuing like this. Whatever. I'll find someone else"

So like the beginning, Touma is fed up with fellow soft tennis players.

Maki and Touma meet on a street corner and Touma frowns. Maki remains neutral.

long shot as they stare at each other and a train goes by.

credits roll.

So time for my final thoughts and theories and things I want to mention.

Maki hurt Touma with the knife. I know, its bad I dont wanna think it, but like,,, Occam’s Razor.

Whatever happened with maki’s dad, he didn’t get kicked out of school, he didn’t die, and he doesn't gotten any life long injuries

No one’s parents are ANYWHERE IN THE ENTIRE PV. for a show so dedicated on these kids relationships with their parents, that is striking. We don’t even see family members.

No teachers are seen either.

Aside from the beginning we don’t see student prez at all.

Why does Nao get extra screen time? like do not get me wrong I love him but everyone else only got one shot.

Background characters are near always painted in greys wand without eyes, except for whoever Touma was yelling at and the others in that scene. they still don't have eyes though, which is probably just because they’re background characters.

Most characters are alone, except for Rintarou and Taiyou, and the gang during Maki’s line.

Things aren’t looking good.

SO those are my thoughts/theories, hope you liked them, I'm gonna go cry over my son becoming a delinquent, good night!

#hoshiai no sora #stars align #maki katsuragi #touma shinjou #rintaro futsu #ishigami taiyou #nao tsukinose #frick it im not tagging everyone #knife mention #sry if this is bad im tired

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dolphin-enthusiast · 4 years ago

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hello my muffin!! 💫💞🌼 ahhh gosh, it's a pleasure to see you as always, but especially tonight.. i need to relax from all of this first day of school stuff! i hope your day went well, and hopefully better than mine hehe 🌺 but first, i must say, you and those anons had me melting today,, gosh, i don't even know how to react to all of that sweet talk!!! the first thing i did when i was finally done working was open up tumblr and check your page, and BAM! (1/7)

"i heated up, and my siblings kept teasing me about it 😖 i skyped my older brother to ramble about it all, and he said i looked like one of the tomatoes in our garden!! goodness, it was a lot! but my friends saw all of the flattery and they started to freak out and tease me too!!! nonetheless, i have no idea how to take in this kindness,, except for thanking you all!! you guys are way too good to me, and not even half of all that stuff is true 😅 (2/7)

so please know that you all are absolute beautiful inside and out, and that I love you all 💓 and don't feel bad about not having an active daily life like me morgy darling!! truth be told, i am quite the couch potato myself, and even though i wish it could be, my life is most definitely not all sunshine and rainbows,, i have lots of daily problems to deal with sadly,, but you coming into my everyday life certainly is all the sunshine and rainbows i need 💖💖💖 (3/7)

today was quite hectic, since my school year is starting off virtually,, i was extremely anxious throughout all of the zoom meetings and such, fiddling with my hair and fingers,, but i'm really happy that i made it through! school is really hard for me mentally, so that is quite the pain, though at least i have something to look forward to at the end of the day (you!) 😉 (4/7)

i completely dread school due to how it affects my anxiety, but i'm actually excited for my new french course and my fashion course!! both of the teachers told me that they liked my outfit, and my french teacher said that she liked my "cute" sleepy italian accent hehe (i was really tired, so it was quite heavy!) but thankfully, this first week is full if shortened days,, i'll just need a glass of wine each night and it'll be ok ✨ (5/7)

the rest of my day was spent baking tarts for my neighbor, checking on the bunnies, and making spaghetti carbonara,, which turned out amazing! i also fixed myself up an affogato to end the evening, when a stranger dmed me a drawing they did of me!! it was really cute, and the shading was great! it always amazes me when people take time to do these things for me, it's so generous 🌹(6/7)

now on that note, it's time for me to sleep! i'll need lots of rest for tomorrow hehehe!! and i can't wait to be back here with you dear 💕 have a lovely night, rest well, and sweet dreams! as always, i'm thinking of you amore! 💗 - love always my sunshine, waifu anon xoxo 💘💌💕💞💖💓💗❤🌹 ps: that plan does sound lovely caro, and let me propose this: i teach you how to dance, at night, on the beach~ <3 (7/7)"

Once again i tell u darling that e v e r y t h i n g me and za anons said is true ion make the rules sis 😩😩😩 and the fact that we manahed to fluster u in front of ur family and friends really is a nice bonus too n g l (and that one stranger dm ing u a drawing? Wholesome as fuck)

Now lemme just say i too am absolutely dreading school also bc i live in a shitty country where even NOW we dont have a clear answer as to how the year gon unfold (most ppl say its gonna be like half half like going to school after certain periods of time then the rest is online) but yea it severely succs and i had to go over to my school to return the old books and get the new ones but damn i finally saw my only friends (i havent seen em since march) so at least theres that🗿🗿

Sociak ANXIETITTY is one hell of a beast ik that well and zoom meetings can be hella awkward (im the mic n camera off kid lmao) and also i dont feel bad for not having an a c t i v e life at all darling and ik u deal w stuff too all im sayin is that i basically deal w stuff on a daily basis and nothing else bc my life is p static and uneventful which is quite exhausting to say the least 👁️👁️🔪

N e w a y i'd kill to eat carbonara made by u i absolutely love pasta so im sure it would taste 948483 times better if made by u👁️ i myself have ordered some (s p i c y) pizza and lime cheesecake for the evening bc y e s😩😩😩 but on another note i'll gladly take u up on ur offer with the dancing even if i can be hella a w k w a r d lmao

#the confessional #damn this got l o n g🗿#but like....we (esp myself) gon keep flustering u no matter what love #we merely statin f a c t s smh

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kdthecactuswizard · 5 years ago

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My First Pokemon Nuzlocke!

Now Pokemon is something pretty much everyone has heard of, and knows the basic concept of. Anyone can pick it up and play it. But a Nuzlocke is a series of self imposed rules in a Pokemon playthrough.

The first big rule is that you can only catch one pokemon per area, the first one you find in that area. No other pokemon are aloud to be caught.

The second is that if a pokemon faints, that pokemon is 'dead' and you can't use it anymore. This means it's actually possible to lose a pokemon game.

The third and smallest rule is that you must name each of your pokemon. Specifically so it can rip your heart out later if they die.

Now the game I'm playing is Pokemon Moon for the 3DS. I've played this game once before, so I'm allowing myself to look up the pokemon for major battles, and for some inparticular items.

First we start in a little house, and honesly KD does not want to get up. But Meowth forces her up.

Our cousin, a pokemon professor, named Kukui is there. My mom and him decide I need to go outside. Ew.

But just like real life, I get dressed with my hat and bag, before Kukui drags me up to a small town, named Iki. In this town lives the Kahuna, a leader of the island, and to get my first pokemon.

What if I don't want to be a pokemon master, MOM.

Either way into Iki I go. I see a nice looking blonde girl in a white dress, talking to her bag. That's weird, but she looks cute. She runs into a cave or something.

I decide to follow both because the game made me, and I might be a bit bi-curious.

After catching up with her, a small lunar like pokemon runs onto a bridge and gets attacked by a herd of spearo. Goddamnit. The cute girl begs for me to save it. And like the knight in shining armor, I of course decided to say these words to her in comfort.

Nah.

But the game made me, so I ran in and protected my future girlfriends pokemon. Then the bridge collasped. Goddamnit.

But then WHOOSH, in came this cool lightning pokemon type thing. The island guardian thing saves me and the pokemon, thank god. I may be thirsty but I'm not about to die for love.

Me, the hero, gives back the pokemon to the blonde girl, and the lunar pokemon was lovingly nicknamed Nebby. Nebby finds a Sparkeling Stone, and I get it. Why? Because I'm the main character damnit.

Back in Iki, I learn the girl is my cousins assistant, named Lillie. Pretty weird to have a preteen girl living in a college age dudes loft, but whatever floats Kukuis boat.

Finally the Kahuna comes out, and gives me my first pokemon. I decide to get Litten, a cat like fire pokemon. Now, to name them.

Litten shall be named Catniss, because fire. And their a cat. The problem? I didn't realize until after I named them that Catniss is a boy. Well fuck it I guess, I'm not changing it.

Now to show off to my mom that I have the better and cooler cat, but then Hau pulls up, a fellow new trainer. He has Rowlet as his starter, an owl like grass type.

Little burns Rowlet alive. Guess we having roasted owl tonight boys.

After making that new friend, I head home to mom to show off Catniss. Just kidding, I'm going to sleep.

I wake up the next day, and apparently theres a festival in Iki. Dope. But turns out I have to go through tall grass for some reason to get there. Not dope.

Kukui teaches me to catch pokemon and gives me some balls and some potions. Time to catch Catniss a buddy.

The pokemon to pop up is Pikipek, a normal flying type pokemon. Not the best, but I can work with it.

Without down right murdering another bird, I carefully lower its health then use a pokeball. Then BOOM! Catniss got himself a new bro.

I name him Ari, after a pokemon from the first Nuzlocke I ever watched. Thanks Jaiden.

With my boys in toe, we work our way back to Iki without any real issue. When I arrive, so does the party. Literally.

Apparently me and Hau are duking it out again. Okay, stomping on his dreams again it seems. It's not my fault, Hau, the game developers made me do it.

I thought he'd be a pushover like last time, but now he has Pichu. Pichu isn't a strong hitter, but does have a lot of defense and attack lowering moves. Uh oh.

I send in Catniss first, to take all the lowering of stats and take out his Pichu quicker. But even though Ari is a lower level, he's still stronger than Catniss at the moment.

Ari is thrown out in front, and ends Rowlet by pecking its eyes out. Poor Rowlet.

Upon winning, I got a Z-Ring. Nice. Then back home to sleep.

The next day, Lillies at my door. Hey baby, how's it goin'?

Lillie wants to take me to Kukuis lab, to the south. And theres a new area to explore, so a new pokemon bro.

First pokemon to show up? A Yungoos. Greaaaat.

I capture the boy, and I shall name him Slimy, and he shall be mine and he small be my Slimy. I shall protect him with my life.

Nothing much else happens, except I explore my cousins basement, and off to Hau'oli city I go! And guess where I'm going. School.

I hate everything.

But there's also a Pokemon Center. I buy some potions, among other things with my pokemoney I stole from preschoolers after killing their pets right before their eyes. It's fun.

I take on a trainer at the school, with a level 8 Pikipek. Which is the name level as my boys.

I decide to go grind a bit to get to level 10. Don't want to risk any of my boys dying a painfully dramatic death.

After leveling up my boys, we beat some six year olds Metapod, steal his money, and find a potion. I heal up just in case, then head inside to find some 4 year old I'm supposed to fight.

I beat up the 4 year old easily, steal a quick claw from one of the teachers, then give to Slimy because he's slow as heck.

Then I go beat up some hotshot out front. Slimy almost died and got posioned, but I switched to Ari to win the battle. Then I'm called to the office. Oh shit. Did I make that four year old cry? Probably, lol.

Lillie is lecturing me, but hey that's part of the game. I heal up, and head to the office. Where she wanted to battle me. Wow, it's almost like I knew this was coming.

First she sent out Magnemite, and as someone who's had a magnemite, I knew this battle might be a bit scary. I tried to roast it alive with Catniss, but I couldn't get by without getting paralysis.

I then sent out Ari to deal with Meowth. It was going pretty good, as Ari had a move strong against it. But he kept flinching at way to low a health. I could've risked it, but with the moves low accuracy I didn't want to.

I sent out Slimy, who finished off her Meowth. Everyone was at pretty low health, but we made it. I got 5 great balls, and then I was set off to go to the world.

I went off with Lillie so she could show off the city. Finally, a date.

Then a Tauros is blocking the path. After dealing with that, Hau decided to tag alone. Fucking third wheeler.

But insteed of exploring that good quality city, I decided to save. This is the end of this part, so soon I'll be back.

Next time with Pokemon Moon Nuzlocke, we'll explore the city, go on a date while being third wheeled, and most importantly we'll find a new addition to the team.

It better not be fucking Abra.

#kd speaks #pokemon moon #pokemon moon lillie #pokemon moon hau #pokemon moon Kukui #litten #pikipek #yungoos #my boys #Catniss #Ari #Slimy #Pokemon Nuzlocke #Nuzlocke #Nuzlocke Part 1

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sillyandquiteawkward · 5 years ago

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I appreciate all this. So. I'm biologically female, but I don't feel like that's my identification. I don't feel right at all with she and her pronouns, (I know this may be a bad example but) I don't like having boobs, I feel comfortable with short hair, don't like anything or almost anything girly. I want to try a binder to see if that makes me feel better but I can't afford it nor do I want to get it and feel anxious if I still feel wrong (part 1 ♋)

I know there are programs that provide for free but I just don't know how to get it without people knowing. And if it doesn't change anything, I don't want to take the opportunity for a binder for someone else. Online I say I prefer they and them but no one really talks about me so I don't get referred that way much. Irl I live in a area that seems to have plenty of religious folk that make me nervous. Also, my full name I hate dearly, so I shortened it to a neutral name and liked it (2 ♋)

but plenty of people tease me when I use my preferred name, mockingly using the full name constantly. Not just a single group either. My own damn mom snaps at me when I say I am my nickname. A teacher threatened to take credit when I wrote my name as my nickname. It sucks badly. I just know I'm not cis to have such a struggle but... I'm not even sure where to start. Hope I'm not overwhelming sorry sorry ♋

i think when youre not sure exactly what you feel except not cis, nonbinary is a pretty good noncommittal umbrella term. nonbinary can be a lot of things bc its basically anything that not a binary gender, boy/girl. otherwise if you think of yourself as just trans thats fine too. its all just personal preference. thats something you have to take time and try out.

i wish i had more advice when it comes to obtaining binders. it sounds like youre in a tricky situation with wanting to stay in the closet while experimenting. i know i got away with my gender exploration through cosplay and halloween and college. i think costumes are a great way to explore yourself safely. binders can be expensive and awkward to purchase online around family but ive heard people using sports bras as binder before if you have any of those lying around. theres also looking into sewing your own binder where all you have to do is get material and a needle/thread. theres also the holidays coming up and ordering a binder now isnt a bad idea since you can just be like its a secret gift present!! no peaking! but thats also assuming you have money to spend.

with your name trouble shame on your peers and teacher :( but i find at least with teachers, at the beginning of the school year usually, you can request a nickname. the teach will be like hey im calling role if i say ur name wrong or you go by something else correct me. it might be hard to do things in the middle of a school year tho, but new beginnings as they say.

it may take some time before youre in the right place to really start exploring yourself. its ok to wait until you feel safe. i didnt really start doing my own thing until i went off to college and moved into a dorm where i didnt have to worry about anyone knowing me or my parents keeping tabs on me. it may take some time but its not a race. there no deadline for figuring out how you want to express yourself and your gender to the public.

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years ago

Text

Home (Taehyung x You ONESHOT)

A/N: this song is inspired by an uprising band in my country called Insomniacks - Pulang (which means "come back" or "come back home") They started of as a YouTube band and wrote their own songs too! This story is inspired by their MV. If you have spotify you can listen to it, I believe that to all Kpop fans out there, language wont be a barrier to appreciate good music ❤

Also, this story is not finished yet. Think of it as a part 1 if you may. (Its a oneshot actually) I havent finished it yet but I haven posted for such a long time so I just want to post this first. This is not throughly edited yet. will fully edited once I posted the whole thing but hope you enjoy it since im a bit rusty now.

ITS DONE GUYS. ITS THE COMPLETE STORY

Warnings: Rape Scenes

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here. if anyone here like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

MASTERLIST

"What is this story about?" Taehyung lazily thumb through the script on the table in front of him.

"In the nutshell, about an unrequited love. A lot of cheating, hurting and how the main female character gets over it. You will play the man who broke her heart," his manager explains briefly. "I know, I know. Its sounds like a typical love story. But its good exposure for you to start taking roles in a romantic drama. Armys would love that,"

"Hmm, I guess?" Taehyung, still thumbing through, not really believing his manager's words.

"And its also by an award winning writer and publisher. And she will guide the director all the way. Its going to be a hit Tae," his manager desperately tries to convince him once again.

"Yeah? Who is this award winning writer and publisher?" Taehyung looks at him, curious.

"You will surely know her. Shes too famous not to be known by anyone," the manager grins, sure that Taehyung wont say no once he heard the popular name. "Its L/N Y/N,"

"What?" Taehyung turns his head so fast it gives him a whiplash

"L/N Y/N. Shocking right? But your trusty manager manage to get you the role in her movies!"

"Y-Y/N?"

/////

"Y/N!"

Y/N pushes her glasses up her nose as she turns around to the source of the voice and saw one Kim Taehyung walking, no, sauntering over to her like he owns the school. Well, in some way, he really does owns the school. Everyone knows who Kim Taehyung is. Not just in the school, but in the whole town. Granted, its a small town, but Kim Taehyung just leave a mark on everyone he met. Guys wants to be him, or atleast gets close to him and girls will do anything to date him, parents admires him and teachers adores him. People would do anything just so for him to know their name, or even just hearing him call their name, which in some miracle, he is calling hers.

"M-me?" Y/N points to herself as Taehyung flashes her his incredible grin that could melt hearts, hers not an exception.

"Who else princess? I dont know any other Y/N," he smirks and hugs her waist, walking by her side, which turns all eyes on her. If it wasnt her in this surreal position, she would be staring too. Kim Taehyung with his hands around a girl's waist? Even worse, a nobody, nerdy, smarty pants who has her nose in a book all day. The girl who doesnt even have a single friend throughout her high school years?

"I-uh.."

"Speechless?" Taehyung winks. "Well, thats how I feel when I first saw you too princess,"

"W-what?" Y/N makes a sudden stop in the middle of the hallway the moment those words came out from his mouth and pushes her glasses back up on her nose, taking a good hard look at Taehyung who is still smirking at her. "Is this a dream? I'm dreaming arent I?" She lets out a loud laugh. "Yeah, that must be it. I'm dreaming. I'm in my bed right now, under my blankets, in a deep sleep. There is no way Kim Taehyung knows my name, is walking beside me, hugging my waist and calling me princess. Yeah, a dream. Definitely a dream," Y/N babbled on her own and Taehyung cant help but admire how ridiculously adorable she is. Y/N reached out her hand and touched his face. "Even in my dreams you look so ethreal," she smiles. "And you feel so real too,"

Taehyung burst out laughing. Oh wow, she really thinks shes dreaming.

How-freaking-adorable.

He leaned in and whisper to her ears, "Keep on touching me princess, and something else might go down today," he winks as his smirks gets bigger.

Y/N smiles.

"This is really an amazing dream," she giggles. Shaking his head and laughing, Taehyung slowly leans in, one hand cupping her chin and the other holding the back of her neck as his lips softly touches hers. Wide eyed and surprised, Y/N touched her lips once Taehyung pulled away, smiling.

"Still believe its a dream princess?"

"D-did you really just kissed me?" She stuttered, eyes still wide.

"Yes. And theres a lot more where that come from," Taehyung grins and leans in to whisper in her ears, his warm breath grazing her ears, finally making Y/N realized that she is definitely not dreaming, and Kim Taehyung did really just kissed her. "Oh princess? You better believe that all this is real. You are mine now,"

/////

Everything become official so fast. Taehyung was the perfect boyfriend.YN still couldnt believe it sometime. That she is Kim Taehyung's girlfriend. That Kim Taehyung is really, sincerely, happily in love with her.

Their relationship was happy and perfect. Taehyung never gave her any reason to doubt his feelings for her. They are the perfect couple, even her parents approved. Even when Taehyung was accepted as a trainee, something she never thought would happen.. oh who is she kidding, with that face and talent, of course he would get casted, no miracle there. But what is a miracle is how Taehyung's feelings for her never changed even when he is on the brink of fame, stress and debuting.

Things between them only starts to shake when Taehyung starts to get close to another trainee. Beautiful, talented Min Soo. Y/N trusts him, she really does. But theres also a limit on how much a girlfriend can take to see her boyfriend being close to another girl. Especially a beautiful one that matches him in every way.

What is once a peaceful relationship, starts to be filled with fights and doubts. Especially when Taehyung starts to pay more time and attention to Min Soo, under the false excuse of practicing and rehearsing. Dates cancelled everytime Min Soo called has been a norm to Y/N now, but she thought things were different when Taehyung suddenly asks her out on a super romantic date night. She strongly believe that Taehyung is finally realizing his mistake and is making it up to her.

Dressed to the nines and brimming with excitement, Y/N waited for her beloved boyfriend. She almost thought that Taehyung would cancel last minute like he usually does, but he showed up just in time and impecabbly dressed too. The night went well. Great even. Taehyung was romantic, sweet and everything he is when they first met... until Min Soo calls him, asking for his help for a cheaography.

"Really Tae?" Y/N pouts. "Cant you just tell her that we are on a date? You spend all your time practicing, I barely even see you this week,"

"Princess, you know this debut is important to me and Min Soo is helping me. Its only right that I helped her with hers too," Taehyung sighed, too tired to argue. Its like this every single damn time and he is exhausted.

"But Tae.. you promised that this will be our night. Please Tae? Just tonight. Spend it with me?" Y/N hold his hand and looks at his face softly, trying to find back the man Taehyung once were. The man that made her fall so madly in love before.

"This is work. Dont you understand?! You know how important this is to me!" Taehyung sighed, his voice slightly rising.

"I know it is Tae. But arent I important too?" Y/N tries to control her sadness. "I'm only asking for an hour or two. I'm sure Min Soo can wait,"

"Shes important to me Y/N! I need to do this!"

Y/N's mouth hand open. Did he just said what he just said? Did Taehyung really just said she?

"S-he?" She repeated his words. "She as in Min Soo? Shes more important to you isnt she?"

"N-no. You know what I meant. I meant this is important to me! My career! You said you will be supportive Y/N! You know I am doing this for us. For our future!"

"Supportive in your career, yes! Not supportive when your boyfriend is out with.. with.. another bitch!" Y/N yells out. With her good girl reputation, she never cursed. Not once, but she cant handle it anymore. Her heart is breaking with every second they soend arguing.

"What did you call her?" Taehyung growls.

"A bitch! I called her a bitch! Thats what she is Tae! Shes stealing you away from me!" Tears already rolling down her cheeks. Taehyung will usually do anything to make sure Y/N never cries, but apparenty tonight is nit one of those time. This time he is fuming with anger and he dont even know why.

"Y/N, I'm warning you. Dont call her that!"

"Why? Because shes your girlfriend now?! Then what am I? Why are you even with me right now?!"

"God, what part cant you understand. Its fucking work! And work is important to me!"

"Oh bullshit Tae! Just admit it! Its not work thats important! Its Min Soo! Just be a man and admit it!" Tears are no longer containable and is streaming wildly down Y/N's face. Taehyung kept quiet for a while, most probably thinking and after a while, with a sharp glare he opened his mouth.

"She is so much important than you in every way. Can you just please get the hell out of my car?"

/////

"Oh Hyun Joo? What are you doing here? Did Tae sent you here?" Y/N smiles at him as the car stopped by her side and the windows rolled down to show Hyun Joo's big innocent smile. She knew it. There is no way Taehyung would leave her alone like this. Maube it really just work. An emergency. She should make it up to him tomorrow.

"Yeah he did. Come in," Hyun Joo smiles and unlock the door for her to climb in.

Without hesitation and doubt, she climbed into the car. Hyun Joo is Taehyung's best friend. She kust be important to hin if he sent his best friend to get her. The pain fron Taehyung leaving her alone in a dark, unknown place starts to melt away. She just loves him too much. After Taehyung asks her to get out from his car, Y/N was left alone in the dark scary road, far away from anywhere and her phone batteries had ran out. Scared and terrified, she walks along the darkened road, trying to find safety, still believing that Taehyung will come back. Maybe she can make Taehyung treat her to ice cream and a nice date to make up for tonight. She knows she shouldnt be forgiving him so easily, but what can she say. Shes whipped for him. Taehyung is her everythinf. She will forgive him in a heartbeat the moment he apologizes. Lost in thoughts, it took Y/N a while to realized that it has started to rain heavily and Hyun Joo has stopped the car.

"Why are we stopping? Is something wrong?" She looks over at the man, concerned.

"Yeah. We have a flat tire. Sorry, but i have to change it. Do you mind coming out with me and holding the umbrella for me?"

"Of course I will do that," she smiles and gets out in the heavy rain, holding the huge umbrella over the two of them as Hyun Joo crouched down to the tires. After a few minutes of fussing over, he suddenly stands up and turns to face her, eyes dark and changing.

"H-Hyun Joo? Everything okay?"

"Do you even know how beautiful you are?" He hold the handle of the umbrella, hands gripping over hers. "Why is Tae such an idiot? You are a million times better than Min Soo,"

"H-Hyun Joo? Why are you acting like this? I-is everything okay?" Y/N starts to panic. Her heartbeat starts to beat faster as she realized that shes in the middle of no where and no one to help her. But Hyun Joo wont do anything right? He must be playing around. He's Taehyung best friend. This must be a joke. Nothing else. Just a joke.

"Everything is definitely okay, princess," Hyun Joo smirks. The pet name coming out from his mouth sounded so sinister to her ears. "Now that I finally got you alone, everything is more than okay," he grins and grips her hand, pulling her and pushed her into the backseat, making Y/N fall helplessly on the seat, startled. "Why Taehyung huh?! Why Tar princess? I've been waiting for you for years! And one look from that luing, manipulating playboy and you are suddenly head over heels in love with him?!" He yells as he leans in, forcefully trying to kiss her but Y/N tilt her head dodging his face.

"Hyun Joon no! Please dont!" In panic she managed to kick him hard and pushed him before scrambling to the other side and runs out from the other door. Now more enraged from the kick, Hyun Joo chases after her, lust now combined with anger.

"You bitch! You wont get away with this!" Hyun Joon is not the school's athlete for nothing as he catches up with her so easily and drags her back to the car. Although she tried to wriggle and scream, doing everything she can, Hyun Joon is noticably stronger, overwhelming her in a second. "Stop resisting princess and it will be just as enjoyable to you. I can make you feel so much better than Taehyung can,"

Y/N spits in his face as one last attempt and that just resulted in making him angrier, making Hyun Joo pushed her down on the wet, dirt road.

"I tried to be nice to you princess, but you want the rough way huh? You like it rough?" He towers over her and slaps her multiple times, adding a few punches in order to weakens her resistance.

"D-dont please dont. Help. Somebody help!" Y/N screams as loud as she can but the rain drowned out everything. Using his strength, he captured both of her hands and use the other hand to ripped open the top of her dress.

"T-Taehyung... save me. P-please. I'm sorry," was the last thing she managed to whisper out, as tears that streams down her face mixed up with the heavy rain, closing her eyes tight, already numb from the pain and cold, blocking the smirk on Hyun Joo's face from her eyes.

/////

"Its okay. She wont know. And you know you are meant to be with someone like me," Min Soo smile. Shes beautiful, thats for sure. And just like all the other teenage boys out there beauty is everything. So, erasing Y/N entirely from his mind, Taehyung leans in, his lips touching her, hands roaming at the hem of Min Soo's shirt as hers fiddled with his buttons.

Its okay. Y/N wont know a thing.

/////

Taehyung woke up smiling the next day. He had spent an amazing night with Min Soo and he still has his amazing girlfriend. He loves Y/N, he really does. But temptation is everywhere. And he is just a young hot blooded man. All he has to do today is make up to Y/N with some nice date and all will be okay again. He is sure of it. Y/N was never able to resist him. She will forgive him in a heartbeat and everything will go back to the way it was. He is sure Hyun Joo has taken her home safely last night anyway.

However, he cant find Y/N anywhere the next day. He tried calling but her phone is shut down. Is she sick? Maybe. Taehyung will just go and see her after school then. He tries to find Hyun Joo, wanting to know if everything goes well after he asks him to get Y/N, but his best friend is also not in sight.

Weird.

After the first period, rumors starts to buzz that Hyun Joo is arrested, for what, none of the students are sure. Some says murder, some says vandalism, but nothing is for sure. Puzzled, Taehyung tried to get some information about his best friend, but no one tells him anything. Even Hyun Joo's parents refused to speak to anyone or try to clarify things.

More confused about whats going on in school today, Taehyung decided to immediately went off to Y/N's house, knowing he will feel much better the moment he saw her beautiful smile. He definitely didnt expect to be greeted so coldly by Y/N's parents as they opened the door.

"Hi Mr and Mrs L/N. Y/N didnt come to school today so I came to visit her. Is she okay?" Taehyung flashed his signature boxy smile. Y/N's parents loves him and is always welcoming and incredibly warm but something felt off today.

"Stay the hell away from my daughter and dont you ever come back here!" Taehyung was taken aback by what Y/N's father just said to him.

"S-sir?"

"I said get the hell out of here and get out from my daughter's life! What kind of a bastard leave a young girl alone in the dark after he promised her parents that he would take her home safe and sound!" Y/N's father yelled and her mother starts crying, which confuses Taehyung even more. Is he that angry over last night? But he didnt leave her alone. He asks Hyun Joo to pick her up!

"Sir! I'm sorry that I have to bail out from the date last night. But something came up! I-"

"Something came up?!" Y/N's father move forward and grip Taehyung's collar. "After everything that happened last night, your reason is something came up?!" Taehyung's eyes widen. Did her father know about him and Min Soo?

"B-but sir. Can I just please see Y/N? I can explain it to her. I called Hyu-"

"Dont you dare mention that name in front of us ever again!" A powerful punch flies over Taehyung's handsome face, making him fall to the ground. "You and your no good best friend better get out from Y/N's life forever if you dont want to share his jail cell!"

With that the door is slammed shut.

Still as confused as ever, Taehyung tried calling Y/N every day and night for a week but her phone is soon out of reach. And after a week, he is met with the news that Y/N and her whole family has moved away.

Y/N moved away. Without a goodbye or a last I love you, she left. His first true love left.

And all Taehyung can think about is the last thing he ever said to her.

She is more important than you in every way. Can you just please get the hell out of my car?

/////

"Y-Y/N, h-hi. Its been so long," Taehyung stuttered. He cant believe Y/N is standing in front of him right now. His first love, his one true love. He tried to look for her for years and failed miserably. She is still as beautiful as he remembered, making his heart skipped a beat. He cant believe shes here now, and... and.. smiling?

"Hi, I'm Y/N. You must be Kim Taehyung? Its nice to meet you," she lets out a smile so warm, it makes Taehyung's heart flutter as much as it hurts that shes pretending that she didnt know him.

"Y-Y/N, its me. Tae. You dont remember me?" He looks at her confused face. "I-I know seeing me again must be terrible for you, but please, dont pretend like you dont know me,"

Y/N starts to furrow her eyebrows at what he is saying, a confused look etched on her face, giving weird looks to her manager who only looks back at the two of them with sympathy.

"I'm really sorry. I dont know what you are talking about. Did we meet before? Maybe I didnt notice you at an event? I'm sorry, but I really cant recall," Y/N smile politely and smile at him. "I-I mean, I know you are from that famous group. BTS right?" Y/N quickly corrected herself, afraid she might have offended the big superstar. Taehyung looks at her, dumbfounded. How can her sincere smile matched with what she is saying?

"Y/N! Why are you doing this?" Taehyung starts to get frustrated. "How can you not remember me?! We are-"

"I'm sorry Mr. Kim, but I think you should come with me for a moment," her manager interrupt, bowing politely to them and smiling at Y/N. Sighing and defeated, Taehyung followed the manager with no complaint, eager to know whats going on. He leads him to a corner, far away from Y/N's confused looks.

"Mr. Kim? Is it safe for me to assumed that you have known Ms. Y/N from way back? Say.. in her teenage years?" Her manager looks straight at his face.

"Yes!" Taehyung quickly confirmed. "We went to the same school together! In fact, I am her b-" Taehyung stop himself once he realized what hes about to say.

"Yes Mr. Kim?"

"H-her boyfriend," Taehyung admitted defeatedly. "From a long time ago. In high school,"

"Wait!" The manager gasps. "Are you saying you are her boyfriend? From her hometown?"

"Yes! Did she talk about me?" Taehyung's face turned into a smile. Maybe Y/N did still have feelings for him if she told her manager about hin right?

"Uh.. no. Not particularly,"

"O-oh.." Taehyung's reaction immediately darkened. "Then why did you ask?"

"Well, uh Mr Kim. Seeing your reaction, I can safely say that you most probably didnt know,"

"Know what?"

"She didnt talk about you not because shes angry.. or hates you... its uh.. its because she cant remember,"

"Cant remember? What do you mean? It doesnt happen that long ago!"

"Ms Y/N.. well.. she uh.. she lost her memory.."

"What?!" Taehyung was shocked. What is this man saying?

"Miss Y/N was involved in an accident. A very... tragic accident," her manager looks at him with sympathetic eyes.

"W-what do you mean? Tell me!" Taehyung shakes his shoulders. "Tell me right now!"

"Uh well... it happened when she was 16. She uh was left in the middle of the night, in the middle of no where. Her parents said it was her boyfriend back then, but it cant be right? Why would a boyfriend left his girl in the middle of no where,"

Taehyung gulps. Memories of that night starts flashing back like a vivid slideshow.

"And I think the person who left her promised that someone will come and get her, because he really needs to go. An emergency, I think?"

"Okay! I fet it. That bastard left her alone! Can you just get to the bloody point?!" Taehyung is getting impatient, making the manager looks at him weirdly at his massive interest in the story.

"Uh well.. I dont know how long she waited, but it started raining heavily, and that person did come.. but uh.."

"What?!"

"She uh.. got raped,"

"W-what?!" Taehyung feels like his world is spinning. Y/N got raped? B-by who? I-it cant be Hyun Joo right? It just cant be! Oh mu god, is that why he is arrested? "S-she what?" Legs shaky, Taehyung almost collapsed but the manager hold him, worried.

"Are you okay Mr Kim?"

"W-what happened?" Taehyung doesbt care about himself. He just wants to know what happened to his baby.

"Uh well. She was raped when shes 16. It was a dark time for her family. Shes a good student, an amazing one, and a good daughter," her manager sighed "but I guess she mingled with the wrong crowd? S-she didnt just got raped. She was beaten half to death by the assaulter. I guess he did that to weakend her before doing the deed? I figured she must have tried to fight back... but a fragile 16 year old girl against a man?" Her manager looks down sadly. The whole night flashed back like vivid memory in Taehyung's mind. The heavy rain, Min Soo's laughter, kisses, the sin he did that night, how he shuts down his phone and slept so soundly that night. All those happening while Y-Y/N got raped? Y/N must have been so scared.

No. She must have been terrified.

She must have called out his name, but he... he wasnt there to save her.

"After everything is done, she was just left there, to die I guess. The injury on her head and body was so severe the police assumed the assaulter was sure she would die and nobody would find her there,"

That fucking asshole! He left her to die? His Y/N? Taehyung clenched his fist so hard, his nails left marks so deep in his palms.

"But her parents sends out a search party when she didnt come home that night. Her boyfriend's phone was shut down too. When they found her, she was barely alive and keep repeating the assaulter's name before passing out. When she wakes up the next day, Ms Y/N has lost all memory. Every single thing up to that night. She can only remember basic things like her parents and her name The doctor said she was badly traumatized and her mind refused to remember what happened. In order to save their daughter from the pain of remembering, her parents thought that keeping her in the blind is the best thing for her and move away shortly after to create a new memory for her somewhere new," her manager finishes off. "I was assigned to look after her. To make sure nothing triggers the pain again,"

"A-are you saying that.. she doesnt remember anything at all? She doesnt... she doesnt have the slightest memory of.. of me?"

"I'm afraid so yes. Mr Kim.. I'm sorry to say.. but to her, you are nothing but a stranger that she just met today," the manager looks at him. "And.. we would gladly appreciate it if you can keep it that way,"

/////

"Mr Kim? Are you even listening to me?" Taehyung snaps back to reality when Y/N waved her hand in front of him, smiling. "I am sorry. My story must be boring," she laughs. Taehyung shakes his head and smile.

"N-no. Not at all. I- uh.. I was just distracted. Sorry, please continue," he smiles and lets Y/N continue her briefing about her story.

"Okay then. Well.. thats about it. But I havent finish the ending yet. I dont know if the female lead should end up with the main lead. What do you think Mr Kim?" Y/N smiles at him. It breaks his heart every single time she calls him that.

"Uh well.. it depends. Your manager said this is based on a true story? So what is the ending to this story?" Taehyung is curious. The storyline is very familiar to their own love story but Y/N is not supposed to remember anything, right?

"Well... to be honest. Its not entirely based on a true story. Its more like a memory," she smiles.

"A memory?"

Y/N laughs. "This might sound silly to you Mr Kim, but I feel like I have been through it. Maybe its a dream I had? I dont know, but everything feels real," Y/N smiles again. "I'm sorry. Its stupid right Mr Kim?"

"N-no. No. definitely not," Taehyung smiles. "But in this dream if yours.. are you happy with that guy? T-the main lead?"

"Well... again, this might sound so incredibly stupid.. but yeah. I am... very happy," she gave a sad smile. "But sometimes I feel sad when I'm around him in my dream. Its as if he has hurt me but I dont know. How could he when he is just a dream right? I dreamt about him most nights, but he never have a face. In my dreams he calls me princess," Y/N laughs out loud as if to tell Taehyung how stupid her dream is. Taehyung felt his heart beating so rapidly, it almost burst out from his chest. Y/N dreamt about him. That must be him. Taehyung wanted to reached out and touched her hand but the look she gave him, a look of a stranger, of one colleague to another, stops him.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I mean... it must really be a dream. How can I ever be a princess to anyone. I mean, look at me Mr Kim," she giggles again.

"Princess, I love you," Taehyung smiles at her, hands holding hers tight as they sat under the tree in front of the school field. Y/N blushes.

"I-I... uh," she looks down, face red as a tomato. Its the first time Taehyung ever said I love you to her. "I love you too Taehyung. I really do,"

"Awwww, is my princess blushing?" Taehyung smiles and squeezes her cheeks.

"No I am not!" Y/N blushes hard and hits his chest playfully. "And I am definitely not a princess. How can I be anyone's princess. I mean, look at me Taehyung,"

"Well, I am looking and you are beautiful, just like a princess. My princess," Taehyung smiles and leans in softly, kissing her under the tree as the wind blow softly.

"I am looking Y/N," Taehyung whispers softly, his deep gaze boring holes into hers, setting Y/N's heart on fire. "And you are beautiful. Just like a princess," My princess.

/////

"How is shooting going hyung?" Jungkook invites himself to sit besides Taehyung, slurping on his banana milk as Jimin joins in. "I miss you. I dont see you around anymore. Why do you always leave earlier than you need to abd come back later than usual?" The maknae pouts.

"The brat is right Tae," Jimin chimed in, earning a glare from Jungkook. "Stop glaring at me Kook. You dont look that intimidating with banana milk all over your face," Jimin rolls his eyes and turns back to Taehyung. "You are not ditching us for a bunch of "Hwarang Hyungs 2.0" right?!" Jimin starts to panic. As far as he knows, Taehyung co- star is a girl this time. They are not losing him again right?

"No I am not! And stop being jealous of my hyungs. You will always be my best friend Chim," Taehyung winks. "Theres no hyungs this time... but..."

"Oh my god! Are you dating your co- star?!" Jungkook exclaimed with excitement. "Are you finally teaching me how to date? I dont want to learn with the other hyungs, their methods of dating are too x rated," Jungkook scrunched his nose.

"First of all, you are too young to date, so I am not teaching you anything,"

"I am only two years younger than you! And taller than Jimin-hyung!" Jungkook protest.

"Yah! What does height has to do with anything?!" Jimin threw a pillow towards the maknae and Taehyung laughs.

"And two, I am definitely not dating my co- star. I dont even have the slightest interest in her. But... I am trying to date the writer,"

"What?!" Both boys are surprised by Taehyung's bold admittance.

"Oh I didnt tell you? The writer is Y/N,"

"Y.. Y/N?" Jimin tapped his chin, trying to remember the familiar name. "Isnt that the girl from your trainee years? The one you still kept a photo of in your wallet? Shes the writer?!"

"Yeah... and the story I'm staring in is our love story Chim.. but Y/N.. she doesnt remember..."

/////

After spending the next few hours explaining to Jimin and Jungkook about Y/N and what had happened to her, Taehyung was forced to spend the next few hours being scolded and called stupid by his other hyungs after the two loud mouth runs over to Namjoon's studio and tells the leader the whole story, which leads to the whole band knowing which of course means a family meeting where Taehyung was burned at the stake.

"Okay now that we are done telling him what a dumbass he is," Namjoon sighs and turns to him, giving him another smack at the back of his head, "what are you planning to do? Nothing too dumb please?"

"Hyung, I am not dumb!" Taehyung protests.

"Well, all your action so far showed you are," the older man rolls his eyes.

"Fine.. but.. now that I found her again... I want Y/N back. Its fine if she doesnt remember me hyung, I just want to redeem myself. I-," Taehyung sighs. "I still love her. I never stopped loving her. I have been trying to look for her since she moved. Now that I have found her, I need to make her fall in love with me again,"

/////

"Andddd cut! Good job Tae! Thats all for today, see you guys tomorrow!" The director shouted and everyone bows to each other, off to end their long tiring day. Taehyung's eyes immediately spotted Y/N who is packing her bags, ready to leave and rushed over.

"Y/N!"

"Oh Mr Kim, hello," Y/N bows and Taehyung gives out a unsincere smile. He hates it when Y/N treated him so formally, like a stranger. He knows that is exactly what he is to her, but he cant help but remembers all the memories and little things they shared years back. The way she laughs, the way her eyes lighted up when she saw him, the excitement on her face wheb she saw him walking towards her, her giggles and blush when he told her how pretty she is...

"Hello Y/N," he smiles. "Going back already?"

"Yeah I guess," Y/N picks up her bag and starts walking slowly. "But I just need to stop by somewhere first. It has been a looong day for me. And when I had a long day I usually stops for-"

"Ice cream," Taehyung finishes her sentence with a smile.

"Oh my god, how did you know?!" Y/n squeals, amazed and surprised at the same time. "How can you know that ice cream is what I needed Mr Kim?"

"Its a looong day for me today Taetae," Y/N pouts. "I had back to back exams, my english teacher is mean, I lost my science assignment and had to redo it and the history teacher decides to do a pop quiz! I just want to crawl to bed Taetae,"

"Not yet princess. Im not gonna let my princess go back home all stress out okay?" Taehyung flashes his boxy smile and grabs her hand.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere that can put a smile back on my princess' beautiful face," he covers her eyes and uncovers it when they reached the shop. "Ice cream! My treat princess,"

"Well... I think, from now on, everytime I had a long day, I will always go for ice cream then," Y/N giggles as she gigs into her ice cream. Taehyung smile, looking at his beautiful princess smiling so happily. He would give everything for her to always be happy "How do you know that ice cream is what I needed Taetae?"

"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you," Taehyung winks, making her blush.

"I love you Tae," Y/N giggles. "I dont knkw what I'll do without you in my life. You are my home. No matter how lost I am, I'm okay, as long as you are a part of me. I love you," Y/N leans in across the table and kisses him, and Taehyung has never tasted anything sweeter.

"Mr Kim? Hello?" Y/N waves her hand, taking Taehyung back to the present, his eyes gleaming with unshed tear from the memory. "Boy, you really dazes out a lot. Am I that boring?" Y/N giggles.

"No, definitely not boring. You were saying?"

"I was just asking. How do you know that ice cream is what I needed after a long day?"

"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you," Taehyung stares deep into her eyes as he said it, her blushing form is a duplicate of that day, years ago, he almost expecting her to say she loves him again.

Just like that day.

But instead Y/N smiles at him.

"Want to come with me and get ice cream then?"

/////

Y/N dont know why he enjoys every little second he spent with Kim Taehyung. He is handsome, thats for sure, but Y/N is pretty sure that is aesthetics is not what makes her heart beats faster than it should. Theres just something about him.

Something... familiar.

She feels happy. And sad at the same time. She feels likes she knows him. She feels as if shes... home.

They had a good time at the icr cream parlour. Taehyung told her a lot of stories about his adventures with his band mates, but he seems to always avoid talking about his past, and Y/N is not one to pry. Afterall, they are strangers, Taehyung is not obligated to tell her anything.

"So Mr Kim, I am guessing you dont have the chance to go out like this often? You know, with you being a universal star and all?" Y/N giggles.

"Yeah. We dont go out like this often. But when we do, we usually go out with each other," he smiles and watch Y/N digged into her ice cream. Cookies and cream, still the same flavor. "You know... we are practically friends now, and we are the same age. Why dont you call me Tae? Or... Taetae? I mean.. I already call you Y/N,"

"T-tae?"

"Yeah," he smiles. "Or Taetae,"

"T-taetae?" The moment that nick name rolled off Y/N's tounge, a surge of vision enters her mind, causing extreme pain in her head.

"Call me Taetae now princess, I am afterall your boyfriend," the faceless man smiles and kisses her forehead. "And thats a special nickname only you can use,"

"Hey Y/N are you okay?!" Taehyung immediately stands up and went to her side when she starts holding her head.

"Y-yeah. I just got a sudden headache. Maybe its a brain freeze from the ice cream," she tries to smile but Taehyung is having none of it.

"Let me send you home okay?" Y/N nodded weakly and Taehyung made sure that she has safely arrives before saying goodbye.

"Take care okay. And take a day off tomorrow if you need it alright?"

"Alright. But I think I will be okay," she smiles and bows. "Thanks. And goodbye.. Taetae..."

Taehyung's face light up the moment she calls out his name, making Y/N blush and rushed inside.

Taetae... why does it sounds so familiar. Who are you Taehyung-ah?

/////

Taehyung was on cloud nine since that ice cream date. Y/N calls him Tae, or Taetae. No more that Mr Kim bullshit, and they spend a lot of time together now. He even had the chance to bring her to lunch to meet the members and of course, just like he expected, they all love her. Taehyung even thinks the maknae is seriously in love with her, but no way in hell hes going to let that happen.

Y/N is his.

Atleast she will be again.

"Miss Y/N, Mr Kim, we will finally be meeting with the actress who played the woman you will be cheating with Mr Kim. We are sorry her scenes has to be delayed because of her her overseas schedule," the production crew informs them as they were having a break. Break time on set is Taehyung's favorite time, because he can pulls his chair and sits besides Y/N, sharing the lunch Seokjin made for him or his manager bought for him, since he refuses to eat outside anymore if Y/N didnt come with . Every second with Y/N is heaven to him and he hope she will still want to stay in touch even after their filming ends.

He cant lose her again. He just cant.

"Oh its fine. I heard shes a good actress, so she can keep up with the filming right?" Y/N asks.

"Yes. Shes a very good actress. Actually Mr Kim, you know her quite well. She used to train with your company before,"

"Oh really?" Taehyung raised an eyebrow. The only trainee he knew that turns into an actress from his training days is...

"Taetae!" Min Soo shouted from the door the moment she saw him, pushing her sunglasses up her forehead.

"M-Min Soo?" Taehyung was taken by surprised as Y/N lifted her head to see the actress who just entered. Upon seeing her face and her excitement in hugging Taehyung, a rush of memories flooded her mind and in a matter of second, Y/N was passed out on the floor, the last thing she hears was the voice of the faceless man in her dreams calling her name.

"Y/N!"

/////

Taehyung rushed to her hospital room, dropping his coffee once the doctor informed him that Y/N is awake. The moment he swing ooens the door, he was greeted wirh Y/N leaning up straight on the bed, glaring at him, face drenched with tears.

"Y-Y/N... y-you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? The doctor says y-"

"Get. Out,"

Taehyung's blood run cold as he heard the icy tone of her voice. What happened? Why is she suddenly like this? Did she forgets him again?

"Y-Y/N? Its me. Taehyung. Tae. Taetae? Y-you dont remember me?"

"No. I remember everything," Y/N starts to sobbed. "I remembered everything now Taehyung! Get out! I dont want to see you! Out!" Y/N yells, throwing whatever she could reached from her bed side and throw it at the dumbfounded Taehyung.

"Y/N no! Baby please. Let me explain!" Taehyung dodge her throws and try to reached oit for her hand but she immediately pull away.

"Explain? Explain?!" She yelled. "You ruined my life Taebyung! I gave you everything! I loved you with every part of me and you left me?! Do you even know?! Do you even know what he did to me?!" Y/N sobs starts to get uncontrolable, sobbing her eyes out. If Taehyung could hurt himself so Y/N's pain would lessen, he would do it. He would do anything to go back to that night and do it all over again. He would treat her right. He would cherish her. He would already be married to her right now.

"Y/N please-"

"He raped me Taehyung!" She sobs. "I remembered everything now. I remembered the pain when he slaps me, punch me. The cold rain on my face. His disgusting face as he.. as he..." Y/N sobs even louder and Taehyung wants nothing more than to kill Hyun Joo if he wasnt already in prison serving his time. "I called your name Taehyung. I called you over and over again. I keep saying I'm sorry. I thought if I didnt pissed you off about Min Soo, if I just apologizes, you would come back. You would come back and save me from that... that monster," she continues to sobs. "B-but you didnt. A-and he keep... he keeps hurting me. H-he keeps touching me. Where were you Taehyung? Where were you?!" Y/N shouted one last time before throwing the flower vase on the bed side, only inches away from Taehyung's head.

Taehyung knew he dont need to answer. Y/N dont really want to know where he is that night. She already knows. But he feels like he needs to explain it to her. To tell her that leaving her that night was the biggest mistake of his life. That saying all those things to her that night... he regrets it all. He wants to tell her he loves her, that he loves her still, that he will protect her now. That he will spend forever to make it up to her.

But everything got stuck in his throat.

"Y/N... I-"

"Get out," her voice cold, eyes closed.

"Y/N, I need t-"

"I said get out Taehyung. Get out, get out, get out, GET OUT!"

Her hysyeric screams finally attracts the nurses and before he could say anything else, Taehyung is escorted out. He was never allowed to visir her ever again, and although Y/N didnt ask for Taehyung or Min Soo to be pulled out fron the movie, she never again make an appearance on set.

Taehyung was lost.

Without Y/N he was lost.

And thats when he realizes, Y/N is his home. All these years he keeps holding on. Living life day by day, feeling empty and lost, because at the back of his mind he is still looking for her, looking for a way back. A way back home.

But what is he to do now when his home dissapeared?

Y/N is his home. And he needs to go back. No matter what it takes.

/////

"Today is the last day of the filming. You sure you dont want to go and visit the set? Say thankyou to the crew?" Y/N's manager sat besides her, patting her back.

"I'll just send them a fruit basket. We will do another dinner without the actors one day. Satisfied?"

Her manager sigh and give a sad smile to her.

"Y/N... I know its hard... getting your memories back like that. I know you feel as if all the people that are close to you have been lying to you. But you know we did it to protect you right?"

Y/N looks down and fiddled with her fingers. She actually understands. She really understands it. She herself hopes that she wouldnt remember.

"I know oppa... but... I'm not mad at you. Or eomma or appa... but..."

"You are mad at Taehyung?"

Y/N keep silence, knowing that her manager really knows her best.

"Listen... I dont know exactly what went down between the two of you, but I have put some of the puzzle pieces together. Starting from his reaction in the first day you were introduced to him. I dont know much Y/N... but I know that he loves you," Y/N raised her head at that. "And you... you love him too,"

"What?! No way! I dont!"

"Y/N... you can try to lie to yourself, but you cant lie to me," her manager smiles. "Dont you ever wonder why you only dream happy things about the faceless man? Y/N those dreams... they are not dreams. They are your memories. Memories of you and Taehyung. Happy memories. No matter how hard your mind tries to rejects him by refusing to remember, your heart still remembers him Y/N. Now... just remember back all your dreams.. and remember it hard. You will see that the faceless man is Kim Taehyung, and you will understand that the feelings you had is happiness, love and missing him. Find it in your heart to forgive him Y/N and give yourself a chance to be happy. A home is never perfect, nor does it only give you happiness. A home is a place where you can feel comfortable. It can be a mess, it doesnt have to be perfect, it has its flaws, but its yours. Taehyung is your home Y/N. Come back home and be happy. Thats all I want for you," her manager, who is more like a brother to her gives her a tight hug and leaves, letting Y/N be alone with her messy thoughts.

Y/N sat alone, pondering the words of her oppa that has known her ever since the incident. Who has been by her side, guiding her through her career. Just remember back all your dreams.

Y/N closes her eyes and collect back all her dreams about the faceless man. The faceless man who makes her heart beats faster in her dreams. The faceless men who kisses tastes so sweet, who words can make her smile for days.

"Princess, I love you,"

"Awwww, is my princess blushing?"

"Well, I am looking and you are beautiful, just like a princess. My princess,"

"Not yet princess. Im not gonna let my princess go back home all stress out okay?"

"Somewhere that can put a smile back on my princess' beautiful face,"

"Ice cream! My treat princess,"

"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you,"

"I love you princess,"

"You are mine now princess,"

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen princess,"

Y/N remembers back every single dream he ever had about that faceless man. He always calls her princess. His princess. But its different this time. This time she remembers. She remembers herself, looking back up into the faceless man's deep gaze and smile...

"I love you Kim Taehyung,"

Its Taehyung. Its really is Taehyung. All this while she thought ahes having a fantastic dream of her faraway soulmate. Maybe ut is her soulmate, but he is not that faraway. Not at all. All this while, it was her heart telling her to remember him. To remember Taehyung and all their memories together.

Without hesitation, she grabs her jacket ans ran out not noticing anyone arounds her until she bumps into someone.

"Ow! Look where you are going!"

"You look wh- Y/N?"

Standing in front of her is Kim Taehyung. The faceless man. Her soulmate. Her home.

And she doesnt know what to do but to turn back the other way when Taehyung pulls her hand and stops her.

"Dont go. I am not letting you leave ever again. You can hate me, hit me, kill me, I dont care, I just want to be with you and never ever leave you again," Taehyung pulls her into a tight hug. "Y/N... I love you. I never stop and theres not a second went by that I dont regret that night. You dont have to take me back, but I wont ever leave your side. Ever again. I love you. I love you. I love you,"

Y/N stays in his hug for a moment, tears wetting the front of his shirt. How is it that the man who hurt her so much makes her feel so safe and like she belongs? Is it true what her oppa said?

Is Taehyung really her home?

That one place that is fully hers?

"I-its hard," Y/N sniffles, voice muffled in his tight hug. "I-I understand why my mind refuses to remember you Tae. But my heart is stronger. It wanted me to remember," she sniffles louder, making Taehyung released the hug to look at her face. "I love you Taehyung. There was never a second that I stopped loving you. Even when my mind dont remember, my heart does. I love you too much that what you did hurts me to the core. But I cant live like this anymore. I cant live under the shadows of my past, because between the hurt you gave me, you are also my happiness. I choose to remember. I dont want to forget anymore. It hurts yes, its painful, yes. But I know it now Tae. I know why I always feel so empty even when I cant remember anything. Its because I was never home Taehyung. I need to feel alive again. I need to come home..."

Taehyung looks at her, eyes gleaming with tears from the knowledge that he has hurt the only person he has ever love to beyond repair. He didnt quite understand what Y/N is saying, but whatever it is, he swears he will do anything to make it up to her.

"Tell me what you need me to do Y/N. I'll bring you home. Whatever you need, I'll do it baby. I'll do anything,"

"Tae... you dont understand," she giggles through her tears. "I want to come home. Taehyung...you are my home. And its a mess, a messy, unorganized, abandoned home.. but its mine. Its my home and I wouldnt want to be anywhere else, Taehyung,"

"And wherever you are baby, I will follow. I will never ever leave you alone ever again. Because right here," he points to her heart," is where my home is. I love you..."

Taehyung looks at her with eyes filled with love and determination to make her forget every little pain she ever faced. He will give her the best home she could ever dream of. A home filled only with love, laughter and happiness. And as he leans in to capture her lips, Y/N can feel it too.

"My princess, my home, my everything,"

#bts #bangtan #bangtan seonyeondan #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts tae #bts taehyung #kim taehyung #BTS v #taehyung scenario #taehyung fanfic #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop scenario

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angrylizardjacket · 6 years ago

Text

ask you destiny to dance [7] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

“What did you do? Ash is more pissed at you than usual.” Brian’s looking covertly between Ash wiping glasses at the bar, and Roger, adjusting the height of his high hats a few weeks after he’d confronted her about August. She hadn’t spoken to him directly since then, but the other band members were starting to catch on.

“I didn’t do anything-” Roger tries to protest, but Freddie’s laugh cuts him off.

“He made a comment about Pocket Rocket’s dear friend.” Freddie adds, having adapted to the nickname with ease, an amused smile on his face as he looks at Roger over his shoulder.

“You mean her boyfriend.” Roger snaps, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ash tense at the bar, giving away her eavesdropping, though he didn’t call her out on it.

“Ash isn’t dating that guy, he’s like forty.” Brian laughed, but Roger caught the way Freddie’s expression darkened, though he didn’t dwell on it, and Roger’s own smile became knowing and bitter.

“Yeah, listen Bri, I know what I said.” He responded venomously, and the mood around them sobered considerably. “I don’t like him, okay, he’s too old for her,” after a beat, he wrinkled his nose, “got a dickhead aura.”

“You’ve met him once.” John points out, trying to lighten the aura. Roger just bristled at the statement.

“Rog is just fond of her,” Freddie cuts in, voice a little condescending, smile mischievous, “let him be jealous, it might take him down a peg or two.”

“I’m not bloody jealous of that creep!” After a beat of feeling particularly hurt, and Freddie’s commenting hitting a little too close to home, he hears himself lashing out, “And how low do you think my standards really are, Freds?” And that shocked Freddie into silence, eyes wide and disbelieving, his eyebrows raised, as he turned away, jaw clenched.

“You really are just trying to burn that bridge while we’re standing on it, aren’t you?” Brian shook his head, sighing heavily as he went back to his guitar.

“Roger,” John said carefully, coming over to speak quietly to the drummer, as the rest of the band turned away, uncomfortable, “let me get the drinks tonight.” And it’s not what he expected to hear, but when he looks to John, John’s looking over at the bar. Ash is making direct eye contact with him, her customer service smile looking mostly threatening as she keeps polishing the same spot on a glass. “Because that woman is going to spit in all of your drinks and make you watch.” John explains, now looking to Roger, who’s expression was carefully neutral, trying not to betray his own anger at himself. “And as much as I love our dear Pocket Rocket, it’s not something I particularly want.”

She’s definitely gone back to hating him, and he didn’t realise how much it would hurt.

The worst part is that she’s so damn happy around everyone else, and he hates himself for being hurt by that. He’s angry, but not at her (never at her, not for something like this) he’s angry because he sees the way she smiles at him from behind the bar, and he sees the way August spends more time looking at the girls in the crowd, though she can’t even tell from where she’s standing. Roger’s angry because she fucking gushes about August - “He’s just made tenure!” - and yet he won’t even touch her if there’s someone else around. He’s livid because she’s so clearly in love with him, but she still can’t bring herself to tell the others his name because she knows - knows - something’s up with August, even if she doesn’t want to admit it, even if the others can’t see it.

Except that’s not the reason she doesn’t say his name.

“He’s here at every show, we should say thank you.” Brian tries after a gig, talking mainly to Roger and John, as Freddie had been giggling with Mary, the two of them in their own little world. Ash is nowhere to be seen. Roger takes another drag of his cigarette.

“Heaps of people are fans of us, it doesn’t mean we have to personally thank them every time.” Roger scoffed, but Brian made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded like he disagreed.

“It’s a show of good faith, we should at least shake hands with-” and he paused for a moment, brow furrowing, “what’d she say his name was again?”

“Doctor Reid, if I recall.” John piped up, and Brian shifted his weight, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, but what’s his first name? That sounds so formal, like, ‘Oh, can I grab you a beer Doctor Reid?’” He put on a voice, laughing at his own joke, looking to John, who just shrugged helplessly.

“August.” Roger’s voice is very quiet, hunched in on himself sitting in the back of the van. Brian frowns, leaning in a little, confused as to both how Roger has kept this for so long, and what the name actually was. “His name’s August.” Roger repeated, voice heavy but louder this time. Freddie freezes. “She calls him Gus.” He adds.

“You’re joking, right?” Freddie says into the uncertain silence, and that’s the moment that the back door comes crashing open and Ash comes out, grinning, hands in her pockets.

“Hey guys,” she grinned, nodding at them, not even sparing Roger a glace, “could I have my jacket back? You can drop the pants back tomorrow if you like.” Freddie turns to her, eyes wide, disbelieving smile still frozen almost painfully onto his face, not removing the oversized, blood red velour button down shirt Freddie had been wearing over a black singlet.

“Is that man we keep seeing Gus?” He asked, voice scarily neutral. None of the others had ever heard him like this, had barely heard Freddie genuinely angry like this, and Ash’s expression dropped.

“I’ve gotta go.” It’s not the answer any of them expect, nor is Ash turning on her heel and heading back into the pub before the door had even swung fully shut. Turning back to the band, they could all see that Freddie was livid.

“I’m going to gut the bastard. Gut him like a goddamn fish, I swear I will.” He seethed, hands curling and uncurling into fists, staring at the gravel. It was as if the air around him was snapping with the electricity of a storm. Looking up, all Freddie could see was how shocked the others were, even Roger, and he clenched his jaw, forcing himself to calm down.

“That’s the bastard that ruined her life.” He admitted through clenched teeth. “Roger’s fucking right, the man’s no good.” And Roger couldn’t even take the moment to bask in the vindication that would have usually surged through him at being told he was right, instead, his blood runs cold.

“He what?” Mary asked softly, and Freddie’s expression softened, looking finally between all of them, realising what he’d said.

“He’s the reason she was expelled from her last university, and...” Frowning, Freddie shakes his head. Brian, John, and Mary all took a moment to process this new information, shock written all over their faces. “It’s not my place,” and he started on a new strand of information, “he was her teacher, he started a clandestine affair with her when she started university, and,” pausing again, he sighed, the anger still clearly flowing through him, though it had simmered down to a bitter rage, “not my place.” He repeated.

“Doesn’t he have a wife and family? How old was she?” Brian asked, a little aghast, and Freddie sighed.

“She was eighteen.” Freddie sighed.

“She was a kid.” Roger breathed, anger bubbling up inside of him.

“Hey, that’s only a year younger than me.” John pointed out, but Roger turned on him.

“Oh, I’m sorry John, are you having an affair with one of your teachers that we need to stage an intervention for?” He snapped, and John’s face fell, and he looked to the ground.

“I’m just saying she was an adult is all, doesn’t make it right, but she can make her own choices.” He paused. “She seems happy.” Both Freddie and Roger deflated at that, they’re all quiet for a long moment, and without a word, Freddie heads inside.

“Ash.” When he says her name, she looks up with an expression that tells him she’s ready to fight.

“He’s different now, Freddie.” She tells him, already defending herself and the man who she knows in her heart probably doesn’t deserve it. Freddie was ready to fight him the moment he heard August’s name, and he didn’t even know the full story. Sure he could gather the impact it had on Ash, but he never really truly realised the effect August had on her.

“What does that mean, Ash? What exactly is keeping me from coming over here and beating him bloody with my microphone next time we play here?” Freddie asked, voice very serious. Pulling off her apron, Ash told Maureen, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, that she was knocking off for the night, which Maureen agreed to, and Ash walked around the bar and took Freddie’s hand.

“We’re not having this conversation here.” She hissed, pulling him into the staff bathroom and locking it behind them. “I love him.” She said through gritted teeth, crossing her hands over her chest, looking away. “And after everything I did, I think he still loves me too.”

“After everything you- Ash do you hear yourself?” Freddie takes a deep breath, steadying himself, holding her shoulders, “He start an affair with you, his student, refuse to be seen with you in public, and used his power within the faculty to kick you out of school when you wanted to stop-”

“I only wanted to stop because I found out he was engaged when his fiance found out about me!” Ash cried, as if it were somehow her fault. Freddie actually stepped back.

“Found out about you- He was engaged?!” He whispered, eyes wide and horrified. “Darling that’s nowhere near being your fault. He had a whole town calling you a slut and a homewrecker; he didn’t love you, he ran you out of Scotland.”

“He ran me out of Fife.” She spits back the correction. “I would know, I was there.” But she doesn’t seem to connect to the words he’s saying, it’s as if she’s replayed the events in her head so many times that she’s become desensitised to it. “But he’s changed, I was practically a kid last time, I’m different now too. And if he didn’t love me then,” she looks a little hurt as she says it, and Freddie doesn’t know if he wants to hug her or shake some sense into her, “well I think he does now.” After a beat she ducked her gaze, voice becoming a weary sigh as she leaned against the counter. “Listen, Freds, I’ll keep him out of the bar, you won’t have to see him, but this is my life.”

“Don’t make the same mistake again-”

“He’s told me that Kira’s his ex-fiance, so I don’t think she’ll be a problem.” Ash rolled her eyes at Freddie, who opened his mouth to protest that that wasn’t the point, but she added. “Can you get Roger to shut up? I’m sick of hearing him bitching.”

“Did something happen between you two?” Is what Freddie finally finds himself asking.

“I could get used to this.” Roger grins at her when she brings him a cup of tea in the warm light of the late morning, a book under one of her arms. She keeps using the mug with the cat faces on it for him, he’s started calling it ‘his mug’ and maybe she’s started calling it that too in her mind.

“Yeah, well don’t. You can get your own tea next time.” Ash laughed, sitting up beside in bed, cradling her own tea in one hand, pulling out the book with the other.

“Just show me where everything is, I think I could manage.” Roger chuckles, putting his free arm around her where she’s sat back against the headboard. “What are you reading?” Looking at him with a little surprise, Ash smiles slightly, taking a big gulp of tea, putting the mostly full cup on the bedside table before tucking herself against him, opening up the book.

“I found it in the common room, it’s one of those trashy romance novels,” after a beat, she closed the book, keeping her place with her finger, showing him the cover, where a woman was posing sensuously with a hand on a beautifully painted horse, “but I think she fucks the horse.” Roger snorts at that, his arm tightening around her just a little.

He doesn’t have an answer, just laughs, reading with her when she opens the book back up. It’s soft and domestic, her head on his chest as they both read the novella, sipping their tea on occasion. The blinds are down, but there’s still stripes of light peeking through, hitting the floor with golden light and the room feels warm and hazy. They stay like that for a long while, Roger actually becomes rather engrossed in the story, and when Ash shifts to lean over and take a sip of her tea, he takes the book to read ahead a few lines. When she turns back, she just watches him for a moment, a fond smile slowly spreading over her face, and when he finally looks up, realised he was caught, she leans forward, pressing a kiss to his lips, sweet, her hand coming up to cup his cheek, and when she pulls back, he’s smiling back at her, a little confused.

“What was that for?” He grinned, and Ash shrugged, ducking her head to hide her blush.

“I dunno, maybe the book got me going.” She lied easily, and Roger’s expression turns a little unreadable, though it’s clear he doesn’t believe her.

“We weren’t even up to the hot part!” He countered, and Ash laughed, taking the book from him, but he stays holding it, lets himself be pulled with it until he’s meeting her for a kiss, his hand on her wrist when he lets go of the book to move up her arm and start sliding off her dressing gown. “Not that I’m complaining.”

Yeah, Ash had thought, I could get used to this.

“Hello, Ash?” In the present, Freddie waves a hand in front of her face. Ash’s expression soured as her chest began to ache.

“No, okay? Nothing happened between us, Freddie. Roger’s just being a bitch.”

the ususal suspects: @deakydickfanpage @hollyissuchahoe @laueecakee@smittyjaws @crystalshines2909 @i-am-sarah @legendsaresooftenwarnings@2ptonpt @benhardy24-7 @maiilovely @mickey-yr-a-goner @butter-times@heyyouitskay @tired-eyes-fairy-lights @yepimthatperson @missieluvsmurder @ironqueen98 @ceruleanrainblues @banhbao329 @fantasticchaoticwho @ko-kitty @seven-seas-of-hi @mimisfangirlfantasy @aadjuric @rogmobile @cardybenhardy

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x oc #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #freddie mercury #borhap imagine #brian may #bohemian rhapsody imagine #queen #queen imagine #john deacon #ask your destiny to dance fic #mary austin #the angry lizard writes

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rogertaylcr · 5 years ago

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its alright if its long! i asked bc i was curious, id love a long answer

OKAY HERE IS THE SUPER LONG ANSWER, it’s self indulgent and, dare I say, Boring as shit -- but it’s the full answer to how/when/why I started drumming -- it is also 1.5k words long so it’s under a read more

so I started like drumming in a serious way i would say like a year and a halfish ago which isn’t a super long time I know but theres a tediously long story behind it which you asked for so don’t blame me for how long this is cause dude i know it’s long

The why of it is actually pretty short though. So my house is a music house, my mom plays a bunch of instruments and sings and my dad listens to a bunch of music so theres a lot of musical passion (even when theres no talent necessarily). As a kid, like 3-4 like EARLY memory, I remember listening to bohemian rhapsody and hearing the drums specifically, which idk if this is universal but for a lot of songs for awhile i just didn’t hear the drums as like part of the song really, and with bohemian rhapsody they were just so clear, like i could hear the heartbeat of the song. (this was the first song I felt that with but definitely not the only one, baba oreilly was another one that i made me realise the life of the song comes from the drums) When I was .... like 6-7, a beatles doc came on MTV and I saw Ringo drumming during the early beatles years and he was standing and stomping the hi hat and bass and there was just so much movement and power behind it and so much more fun in my opinion than the other instruments and i was like “i wanna be the one giving songs their heartbeats”. The more i got into a bunch of other, new and old, bands the more i was like This Has To Be Me. I had always been a fidegty person who was drumming to shit anyway but like the idea that that could translate into like something palatable and musical and entertaining and LOUD was News™ to me and I wanted to do that, but at the time I only knew a bit of piano and like a single chord on guitar and, like a lot of people’s parents, my parents saw creative fields as really unstable/unrealistic so I was like “well obvious it would be nice to be a loud drummer but I’m going to be a business person” (this is how cynical i was as a child).

the WHEN of it is a longer story, like it isn’t actually cause the actual answer is that i’ve been seriously drumming for about 1.5 years but theres like more to it imo

When i was in the third grade, instruments were compulsory at school so we all had to choose and buy one to learn on as well as basic piano lessons. I wanted to play the drums as “my instrument” at that time BUT my school didn’t have the budget or the space really to accommodate that (i would've had to buy my own kit and haul it to and from the school which didn’t make sense for me to do for someone who hadn’t ever touched drums) AND they didn’t have a teacher that could really teach drums, our percussion section was just a xylophone and some cymbals it was a school of like 2000 kids so :/

So I learned clarinet and then when i was 10, in the fifth grade, my older sister’s friend stopped playing saxophone and got permission to bring her drums in. We only had an orchestra so our teacher had to write her music for/with her which was cool but anyway. She left her drums at school and i knew her and so while i was supposed to be in the practice room playing clarinet i was trying semi-fruitlessly to drum. I knew i wanted to drum by any means necessary but like I was 10 and since i had no guidance (and no proper sticks i was using xylophone mallets) I didn’t think I was “good” at it and when we moved away I took that as a sign that it wasn’t meant to be.

When we got to america I joined school bands (as in orchestra/concert band) as a clarinet player once again, I still wanted to be drumming and i was in a public school by then so i had access to like “school drums” but I was so far behind the not-self-taught drummers in the actual band that I just like decided I had to focus on what I was already good at which was my art and dove into the upper level art program which like GOOD cause that made life worth living but it also meant the only time I could drum was when I was at this one friends house or had access to the band hall and like I just couldn’t keep the improvements i’d made, like i’d perfect a song and then have zero access for a couple weeks (except to like stand alone snares but :/ ) and i’d have to start over essentially and it was SUPER discouraging and it made me feel like I wasn’t making any progress

In the meantime I was trying to get my musical fix by learning guitar/piano and piano came back to me pretty quickly (its gone again now) but guitar like.....you can’t hit it lmao, piano i could slam the keys how i wanted to and get that really great loud resonating sound and i could stand to play and get more movement out of it but guitar is tedious in a way that other instruments aren’t imo, like the sound is loud but the movement is very precise and i never had the patience for that

when I got to college I really had to focus on my art especially the first two years, I literally lived in the studio (im not exaggerating, the students in my major and I had a janitorial bathroom set aside for showering) so pretty much all of my hobbies got tossed aside those two years it was grueling, fun but also hell

Junior year came and i had like 30% of my time back and i was like considering switching majors. I knew i didn’t want to do animation but also you can’t just switch into music at a university, you have to be pretty accomplished already and percussion at my school is HUGE like i would’ve had to be roger himself to have a chance of switching in. On top of that the degree isn’t super useful so I now have my Bachelors of Science. But by junior year i KNEW i didn’t wanna do that, I knew i wanted/i want to drum so I.... licherally................went to the library and printed like 50 pieces of paper each with three flyers on them and cut them up and put them up ALL over campus essentially begging for access to a drum kit. I could only afford like a couple hours on this one guys kit every few weeks for one semester (and then the following semester i did a semester away, they had drums at the school there but i only got access like a total of 5 times) so when i came back to america I did the exact same thing, I put up flyers in the music building and eventually i found a girl who let me use her drums for free all year, she gave me access like last august? I think? and just now has packed them away in the last month or so, and i would literally go into this tiny stuffy unairconditioned room (that had an automatic light timer so i’d be in the dark halfway through a song ahsdkhajkda and a couple times the heat got to me and i had to go outside and sit in my car w/ the AC before coming back in ahdjkahdjkasdjka) and drum for about 6-8 hours MWF and maybe like 3-4 hours T/TR which i know isn’t as much as some people but like I had school work still so I couldn’t do too much more. (it worked out great cuase i only took 7 hours my last two semesters so it was like something i could do while all my friends were in class and they weren’t open on weekends so my social life didn’t get fucked up) and like i know i haven’t been drumming drumming that long comparatively to like normal people who start at age -2 and are born with a snare in their laps but you spend that much time each week doing something and you’ll get good you just like… have to and I like where I’m at right now, I think I’ll always have super severe imposter syndrome abt my skill level b/c of how long it took me to get here and being an overcritical perfectionist doesnt help but yeah

i really dont think its a coincidence that my coming out (to myself) coincided with when I said “fuck it im gonna play drums come hell or high water” but SUPER LONG AND OVERLY DETAILED story short, I heard roger drum and said “if i dont do that ill die” and then when i finally had the resources i drummed myself into multiple heat strokes and i recently saw roger live so the universe rewarded me for all that shit

#AND THERE YOU HAVE IT #my boring journey to mediocrity #im sorry if its like hard to read i don't do well with 'punctuation' ahsdkadkja #personal #ill probably delete this later cause its kind of annoying asdhajksdhasj #Anonymous #asks

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pengiesama · 6 years ago

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The Real Library of Alexandria Was the Friends We Made Along the Way (Fic, TOZ/TOB, school AU)

Title: The Real Library of Alexandria Was the Friends We Made Along the Way Series: Tales of Zestiria / Tales of Berseria Pairing: Gen Characters: Laphicet, Mikleo, Sorey, Velvet

Summary: Phi crusades against two Bigger Kids making noise in the library. He winds up discovering some common ground, and becomes leader of the nerdiest gang this side of the hemisphere.

Link: AO3

This was written for After School Heroes ( @ashtaleszine ); a Tales Of zine focusing on school AUs!

The zine's purchase period is now over, but you can check out some of the other fic and art from the zine in the links below.

ASH's Tumblr: http://ashtaleszine.tumblr.com/ ASH's Twitter: https://twitter.com/ashtaleszine/

Read on Tumblr!

“…I’m not saying that you’re wrong. I’m just saying that you’re vastly misinformed.”

“So, really, you’re saying I’m wrong.”

“No, I’m saying that you’re misinformed, and that your flair for the dramatic has led you to an incorrect interpretation of our sources…”

Phi did not mind listening to debates on topics that interested him. And this one did -- he’d always liked Ancient History and was happy to hear someone discussing it with such knowledge and passion. His own class at school was currently covering the period, but...well. When all they were expected to do was to be able to name city-states and list off a handful of gods, trying to engage his classmates in discussions was an exercise in futility. Even his teacher wasn’t much better. Such was the struggle of being ten years old and maybe a bit too well-read.

No, no, the topic wasn’t the issue, nor was the debate. There was just a time and place for this kind of thing, and the public library after school fit neither of those items. There also was a need for one’s indoor voice. Phi peeped over the top of his book, scowling. His baleful stare, full of judgement and righteous fury, went entirely unnoticed. This wasn’t really that surprising, as Phi was halfway across the reading room and half-buried under a pile of heavy books at his table. He thought of clearing his throat in an accusatory tone, but the idea of making a peep in the library was anathema to the very core of his being. Sure, this section of the library was deserted except for Phi and the debaters, but...but it was the principle of the thing, and that principle was what set man apart from beast.

The two intrepid historians were wearing uniforms from a high school across town. Their status as Bigger Kids gave Phi some pause in confronting them. But with the library’s honor to defend, could he ever forgive himself if he let cowardice win? Phi thought briefly about how his babysitter Velvet might handle the issue, then paled, and stopped thinking about it, because it was kind of scary.

“—Sorey, your arguments show a level of understanding that I’d expect from someone whose historical knowledge came from half-remembered edutainment cartoons from ten years ago, not from someone who I thought knew better,” said the white-haired boy wearily.

“Look, Mikleo, I know that attributing the destruction of the Library of Alexandria to a single catastrophic event ignores other things that led to its decline—”

“And leads to more public disinformation about a section of history that’s already rife with it.”

“—but,” said the brown-haired boy (the other boy, Mikleo, had called him Sorey), pressing on. “Even if there were other events which led to its eventual decline, dissolution, destruction, etcetera, what I’m saying is that the most important and impactful of these incidents was it being set ablaze in the Siege. Aurelian’s attack on the city and the destruction of the Serapeum are drops in the bucket in comparison, when the bulk of the collection was already lost at that point!”

“But they were still important events in its final decline, no matter what your little fanfic daydreams of travelling back in time with a magic firetruck to play hero! And all this assumes that the Library even was damaged in the Siege, considering that accounts of the time are contradictory.”

“Ancient accounts from any ancient historian worth their salt all agree that the library was damaged by Caesar’s short-sighted shenanigans! And it’s not a magic firetruck. It’s—”

“Yes, yes, it’s powered by advanced technology made possible by a time loop that hinges on the hero saving the Library from being burned. You act as though I don’t pay attention when I edit your work. But if you really want to be taken seriously, you have to address the other aspects of its decline that can’t be solved by a firetruck falling from the sky.”

Sorey squinted at the ceiling in thought. “...the firetruck could fall from the sky onto Aurelian.”

“Then you’re getting into further divergent history when a Roman Emperor gets killed like a wicked witch from the Land of Oz. And there’s still the Serapeum to consider.”

“The firetruck could fall on Theophilus too.”

Mikleo appeared to be dumbstruck by this statement for a brief moment, then nearly flipped the table in rage.

“You can’t solve every tragic historical event by dropping firetrucks on it!” he all but shrieked.

“It’s called poetic irony!” Sorey shouted back. “And it’s art!”

Phi agreed with both boys on their more intellectual points, and neither of them on their thoughts about art and literature. More importantly, he also agreed with them on the importance of preserving cultural institutions, which meant that he was duty-bound to intervene in this fight before they destroyed this library too. Luckily, he knew the Dewey Decimal System like the back of his hand, and quickly collected a volume of text that might be able to smother the flames of this debate before they spiraled out of control.

Phi marched over to the older boys’ table, and – taking a page out of Velvet’s book on confrontations – slammed the volume down as hard as he could onto the wooden surface. But, as he was still a polite boy, he was sure to scream “excuse me” while he did so.

The two older boys stared at him, wide-eyed and silent, as the bang and scream reverbed off the library’s walls. Taking the opportunity for their undivided attention, Phi opened the book he’d brought over to the appropriate page and tapped a heading.

“Ptolemy VIII’s mass purges of Alexandrian intellectuals who opposed his seizure of the Egyptian throne, and the accompanying political turmoil in the Ptolemaic dynasty at the time, weakened the Library considerably,” Phi began, confidently. “This sent the Library into decline, well before Caesar’s invasion over a century later.”

The shock and confusion melted away from Sorey’s face. He reflected quietly on Phi’s thesis and gave an embarrassed little smile.

“...I guess I really did kind of get hung up on the dramatic events, huh?” he said sheepishly. “Man, with all the craziness going on during that period, it’s kind of a surprise the Library didn’t get set on fire sooner…”

“I don’t think there are enough time-travelling firetrucks in the world to drop on all the troublemakers back then,” Mikleo agreed. “But I’m guilty too, of only looking post-Siege, and at the Roman side of things.”

“And you’re both guilty of yelling in the library,” Phi added. “I could hear you all the way over there.

He pointed accusingly towards his table, which was still piled high with books. The two boys looked abashed.

“I’m so sorry,” Mikleo said. “We...we didn’t see you over there.”

Admittedly, from this table, it was quite hard to see where he’d been sitting, buried behind the books. Sorey, for his part, was already on his way over to Phi’s table. He looked over some of the volumes, interest clear on his face.

“Wow...no wonder you schooled us on this. I’ve been meaning to read some of these!”

“Well, don’t start with that one,” Phi said, gesturing to the volume in Sorey’s hand. “You’re not going to understand it without some background knowledge...”

When the time came for Phi to leave, he had lectured both boys quite thoroughly on history – and what’s more, he had quite completely forgiven them for their sins. Despite their...eccentricities, Sorey and Mikleo were very knowledgeable on ancient topics from around the world, and treated Phi as their equal -- not just some novelty to be humored and “corrected” on topics he knew like the back of his hand. They promised to be here again tomorrow, to talk more, and...and Sorey had talked about making an Ancient History Club, for the three of them, and that would just be too cool…

“It sounds like you had fun,” Velvet observed, after Phi had breathlessly explained to her all the above. “Give me your hand until we’re done crossing the street.”

Idly, Velvet wondered whether she should go through the trouble of inspecting these two new friends of Phi’s – and by “inspecting”, she meant putting the fear of god into them, and by the fear of god, she meant the fear of her.

Phi dutifully grabbed Velvet’s good hand and continued. “We’ll have official meetings once a week and unofficial get-togethers on the other days of the week, except Tuesdays, when Sorey has Track club and Mikleo goes to Home Ec club, but that day I think I can go to the library anyway and just plan our activities for the rest of the week…”

…but, honestly, they seemed like they were a perfect fit for Phi already. Velvet walked with him, hand in hand, and decided to hold off. At least for now.

#tales of zestiria #tales of berseria #tales of zestiria the x #i guess this is my personal tales of zestiria tag now #a tenderly crafted fanfiction #zines #afterschoolheroes

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