#except it’s not dry because it rains and snows and hails

[vallorouslly]

Headcanon

Since there was no weather on Mimas, except the occasional ice storm due to the moon's travel patterns, Logan has come to absolutely adore all weather changes. Sunshine, rain, storms, snow, hail, sleet, muggy heat, dry heat.

Any and all of it he loves because he missed it for so long. But his absolute favorite weather is rain.

[fwoopersongs]

《红颜旧》 - afterthoughts

We were talking about the three songs 《红颜旧》, 《风起时》 and 《赤血长殷》 from Nirvana in Fire in Langya Hall back in January. Someone wanted a poll to find out which was our favourite among the three, and thinking of how to answer that made me realise I couldn’t remember which I liked the most! So of course I had to go listen to them again, right? As it turns out, though it’s been about five to six years since first hearing them all, I still have quite a bit to say…

This will be the first of a three-parter on the NIF drama songs. I'll be rambling on (really just a whole lot of rambling lol) about my thoughts, feelings and new stuff found in the elapsing time between 2016 and now for 《红颜旧》. There’s also been so many translations! WOW. At least 6 full ones from English to Chinese - some of these have really interesting notes! One retelling in classical Chinese following the style of the Classic of Poetry (Shijing) and one tumblr meta about its use in the drama. There are many things I love about everyone’s work so I’ll definitely be mentioning them later as we go on.

Feel free to join in and chat, because nif song talk will always be welcome in this blog ~

The non-exhaustive list of 《红颜旧》 translations: 19 Oct 2015, Changing Face by 墨白妈妈 04 Dec 2015, Aging of a Beauty (and translation notes) by Joyce 02 Jan 2016, Fading Beauty by Fwoopersongs 03 Feb 2016, Bygone Beauty by xjc396 24 Jun 2016, 《红颜旧》by Yvonne 23 Mar 17, Shijing style classical chinese by 之梦轩主人 06 May 2017, Faded Beauty by Kana @chiyanjun 30 Jan 2021, The Aging of Beauty, chorus only & meta on its use as an insert song in Episode 54 by @hunxi-after-hours.

All the kudos to Joyce’s ‘Notes Made When Translating: Aging of a Beauty’ because her cultural notes and analysis are just so good!!!! She did it for the other two songs and also the NIF game theme too. Would strongly recommend checking those out as I learnt a lot and had a fantastic and rather educational time reading them \o/ rabbit holing in song translation is such a MOOD.

ORIGINS

Lyricist: 袁亮 Music & Arrangement: 赵佳霖

Originally released as 《忍别离》 Endure Separation, the third song of Cui Zige’s guofeng themed album 《小美人》 The Little Beauty in Dec 2013, 《红颜旧》 was later adopted as an insert song of the 2015 drama, Nirvana in Fire. I thought it was specially written as Mu Nihuang’s character song, but apparently not! But it’s really the beauty of music and credit to whoever picked it that it’s just so easily relatable to her.

The one difference I can spot between the two songs would be in the last line, likely as an improvement for better flow:

不变是此情悠悠 - 《忍别离》 bù biàn shì cǐ qíng yōu yōu 唯不变此情悠悠 - 《红颜旧》 wéi bù biàn cǐ qíng yōu yōu

TITLE

As both Joyce and Yvonne have noted, 红颜 | hóngyán is used here to refer to the lovely features of a beautiful woman. 

Although 红颜 is more often used to refer to a woman, sometimes in poetry it also evokes the image of a youth, young men or boys in the peak of health with fresh faces and pinkish-red cheeks. For example, this poem by Shen Yue of the Northern and Southern Dynasties and also this one by Du Fu of the Tang Dynasty. Before, I vaguely knew of the word 红颜 through the chengyu 红颜知己 | hóngyán zhījǐ, which one would call a close female friend and confidante. A relationship with a 红颜知己 is somewhere between platonic and romantic. Something like how we imagine Lin Shu and Nihuang’s relationship would have been like once upon a time.

Then comes 旧 | jiù, a word with many meanings! Yvonne covers most of them in her little preface; something worn out, something old, something from the past, perhaps an old lover.

Most of us seem to have gone with the ‘old’ or ‘growing old’ shade of meaning; choosing to use ‘beauty’ for 红颜, and rendering 旧 either as an ongoing process of aging/fading or as something of the past that is faded or bygone. There is something melancholy about this title I think, in the passing of a lady’s youth and beauty, but something strong in there too, in a young face that is aging with grace.

My first attempt at the title before making any attempt at translating the song was ‘Lady Love of Old’ and it was left as that for some time before I gave in to a nagging feeling and changed it to ‘fading beauty’, then eyed ‘bygone beauty’ for some time. I can still see it as all the options though. Especially when squinting (figuratively xD) and that’s why I prefer to call it hongyanjiu to this day. That way you don’t lose any shade of the meaning...

And oh! An interesting exception among us would be 墨白妈妈 who went with Changing Face, as a reference to the William Butler Yeats poem ‘When You Are Old’.

“But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face”

And you know what? This is so valid. I like it a lot as well!

OKAY, and now for the song! I’ve gone as literal as possible for all the interpretations. I’ll go over it line by line for interesting points in the original lyrics, plus across the various translations. Maybe a little bit afterwards on more feelings and/or why I chose to deviate a bit sometimes.

INTRO

西风夜渡寒山雨  A west wind blows past in the night; in the cold mountains, rain falls. 家国依稀残梦里  With home and country indistinct in fragmented dreams, 思君不见倍思君  thinking of him but not seeing him, my longing doubles. 别离难忍忍别离  Parting is hard to bear, but it is borne.

One of the things I’ve learnt since 2016, is that 西风 | xī fēng, a wind from the west is often associated with autumn wind, and with it a certain heaviness, sorrow, grief and loneliness. As an example, this poem (in English here) by Song Dynasty minister and poet, Ye Mengde, which I love for its imagery in the first two lines.

《水调歌头·霜降碧天静》 - Water tune prelude · after the snow falls // 霜降碧天静 秋事促西风 | after the snow falls, the azure sky is clear and all is quiet; autumn preparations are hurried by west winds. 寒声隐地初听 中夜入梧桐 | the whooshing of that chilling wind, indistinct in the beginning, rustles the parasol trees as we enter into the night

Photo source

渡 | dù, a word I’ve been thinking about lately, has multiple meanings. Crossing (a river), to cross, ferry or move pass. Here, because the location is in a 寒山 | hán shān cold mountain, the 渡 would be referring to the west wind blowing past. Both 墨白妈妈 and Kana used ‘sail’ in their first line as a nod to the word’s other meanings, which is very clever and a really nice touch because it calls the same associations to mind.

残 | cán, the word for fragmented of 残梦里 | cán mèng lǐ - within fragmented dreams - is the same as that of the word for cruel, 残忍 | cán rěn. When I first heard the song with the lyrics in front of me, I didn’t know 残梦 was a word by itself and understood it as ‘cruel dreams’. Home and country as you remember them being dangled in front of you, but barely in sight and out of reach. I still like that interpretation right now, and thus kept the line as is.

For the line 思君不见倍思君, the word 君 | jūn here refers to a man who could be her husband, could be a beau, could be a friend - Joyce covers it all already!

Special mention for 倍 | bèi, meaning many times over or double in this context of 倍思君: it was difficult to express that feeling (I gave up xD) of thoughts reaching out for someone, finding a void and only able to settle back - not subsiding but growing instead. It was so cool to see that someone did manage to capture it in the end! In Kana’s ‘Missing you but not seeing you, twice does the yearning grow’, that return of the yearning twofold is expressed so elegantly!

The fourth line of the intro along with some of the lines from the next verse calls one of Li Shangyin’s untitled poems to mind, so I’ll introduce it below.

VERSE 

狼烟烽火何时休  When will the beacons of war rest? 成王败寇尽东流  Victors become king, losers - outlaws; it all flows east (to the sea). 蜡炬已残泪难干 Although the candles have burnt till only reside is left, it is difficult for tears to dry. 江山未老红颜旧 Before the mountains and rivers grow old, the beauty ages.

For the first two lines, Joyce already covers them with a really detailed explanation and pictures. Do go check that out if you haven’t already! I especially enjoyed learning about 狼烟 | lángyān, beacon fire, or more literally, ‘wolf smoke’, possibly being named that because a component of it may or may not have been wolf dung. She also digs into the next line pretty thoroughly. I’d just like to add on something I found out about the origins of the chengyu! (It’s a bit of a rabbit hole, so feel free to skip!)

The exact phrasing of 成王败寇 | chéng wáng bài kòu, succeed - hailed king, defeated - condemned outlaw, originates (at least, this exact phrasing does) from one of six short poems by Liu Yazi (1887 - 1958), a Chinese poet and political activist, for his review of the book《太平天国战史》on the Taiping Rebellion by Sun Yat Sen.

Rough interpretation following as I’m not familiar with the context, and none of this information is available in English:

成王败寇漫相呼，直笔何人纵董狐 chéng wáng bài kòu màn xiāng hū, zhí bǐ hérén zòng dǒng hú Victors are hailed king, losers condemned as outlaws, on this, all are in accord. (But) when it comes to penning down history, is there anyone who will give Dong Hu free reign?

(Confucious praised Dong Hu as a good historiographer of the Spring and Autumn period. His rule for writing was not to never conceal the truth.)

Snapshot source

Alright, back to 《红颜旧》!

Special mention to the Chinese classical poem rendition, because I really love the rhythm of this line: 王兮寇兮，滚滚东流 wáng xī kòu xī, gǔngǔn dōng liú, which is like (you can ignore 兮 unless it amuses you to read it as HEY! it’s actually a slightly gentler dragged out sound, but I heard it sung once in hokkien and the heyyyyy stuck fast xD) king, outlaw & the river surging east. But the word for surging is 滚滚, which also reads as boiling/raging/surging. When pitted against overwhelmingly powerful forces of nature, like raging rivers, like time, titles and labels are just words that feel so insignificant.

For line 3, 蜡炬已残 | là jù yǐ cán, is like ‘of the candle, only remnants are left’ and the following photo is roughly the image that pops into mind.

Why candles? Because recall:

a west wind blows past in the night; in the cold mountains, rain falls.  with home and country indistinct in fragmented dreams, thinking of him (but) not seeing him, my longing doubles. parting is hard to bear, (but) it is borne.

It is still that cold Autumn night. 

The last line of this verse is, 江山未老红颜旧, literally ‘before the mountains and rivers grow old, the beauty ages’. And the beauty of this (if you’ll pardon the pun) is that both the kingdom and the mountains and rivers? They are ageless. The passage of time will only be apparent to and on her.  For this, I love love love how xjc396 puts it as ‘lands 'nd rivers are in bloom, but my beauty is past’, because of that wistful? mournful? feeling evoked by the contrast of placing something at its zenith and another in decline side by side.

And oooooo, so as mentioned before, there’s a little poem rabbit hole for the last two lines which extends also to the chorus. I’ll introduce it at the end of all this.

CHORUS Part 1

忍别离， Bear the parting, 不忍却要别离， even if you can’t, we still must part. 托鸿雁南去。 Entrusting the geese to go South, 不知此心何寄。 I do not know how to send this heart.

Again, Joyce has our backs with her Notes Made When Translating (thank you!!!!! haha I don’t know how you did it, and with such beautiful pictures too!).

It’s pretty obvious even at the first glance that we all have rather different styles. After all, in translation - at least, how I see it, the differences come from how we’re always balancing between these three things:

And of course, any personal associations we have with certain words in both the source and target language. Maybe there are more things? Idk hahaha. I’m just a hobbyist >.<. Back to the song!

So so so there are two versions that are similar which I like a lot, and then one which surprised me at first but then grew on me more and more. Starting with the two that I like:

Faded Beauty: I plead the birds to bring my message south. But how do I send my heart with them? 《红颜旧》: I entrust the swan-geese flying south with my heart, but I don’t know where to tell them to send it

The main difference being in their interpretation of 何 | hé in 不知此心何寄, which can mean both how and where. 

‘I may write my hopes and longing into a letter and send them to you, but that isn’t enough. It does not convey my heart - would that I may be by your side too!’ - That is my understanding for ‘how’.

‘I would send my letter and my heart to you, if only I knew where (because you are no longer here)’.  - This is my understanding for ‘where’.

I leaned toward the latter for my final version because 《红颜旧》, with its melancholy and resolve, feels like a ‘after Chiyan’ song. But really, I love both interpretations and regret that they must be split in English (but aha therein lies the awesomeness of multiple translations. It’d be weird if I post several versions of one song, but if a bunch of people do it together…)

The one that surprised me: 墨白妈妈: Letters may reach you. Envelopes fail to bear my heart

And just as as another example of a poem in which the poet sends his longing home with the returning geese (um metaphorically).

《次北固山下》- Stopping at the foot of Beigu Mountain // 乡书何处达 归雁洛阳边 | Where might my letter to home be delivered? With the returning geese to Luoyang.

CHORUS Part 2

红颜旧， The lady ages; 任凭斗转星移， Let the Big Dipper turn and the stars shift (and time fly), 唯不变此情悠悠。 with only these feelings remaining unchanged, unwavering.

THIS. This is the turning point of the song. Parting, war, home and country distant, pointless conflict, passing time wasted - keenly felt, lost bearings. But the bedrock of her resolve is love. And with that, though it is painful, even when she’s grieving, feeling unmoored, her love is unwavering. 

The fact that it’s the last line but sung without calling any attention to it just before the verse and chorus repeats... it’s like, blink and you’ll miss it. But after that when she repeats the chorus again and again, it really hits home - the vulnerability but also steadfastness that comes with that love. I’m just so in awe, and usually in tears. Tao-jie’s singing + these lyrics are so emotive.

I want to specially mention the Shijing version here because how this last portion was ‘rephrased’ there is exquisite. But first to break down the last (and most important) line: 唯不变 | wéi bù biàn, (the) only (thing) that does not change 此情    | cǐ qíng, (is) this love 悠悠    | yōu yōu, that goes on and on 

And then how it is said in Shijing version, starting from the line about the shifting stars (references not included...that would be a whooooole ‘nother post of its own): 浩浩河汉，无情之游。 The vast, boundless sea of stars, cold and unfeeling on their paths 我心匪石，永以弗休。 My heart will not be turned, forever shall it refuse to rest.

- and isn’t that just SO very much like Jingyan, Nihuang and Mei Changsu in spirit? 

Final Comments

Overall, I feel like both  Faded Beauty and  《红颜旧》 come the closest, in their own ways, to expressing the vibe of the song while very close to the original lyrics <3 all my kudos to them as a fellow translator. 

I really love xjc396′s version (Bygone Beauty) as a whole. They have somehow managed to preserve the meaning of the song while also being very poetic and beautiful.

墨白妈妈 took the phrase ‘artistic license’ and ran with it, in Changing Face, keeping the core but getting there in a slightly different way. I really enjoyed their creativity!!!

I’m honestly still very impressed and blown away by the shijing version?????? IT’S SO GOOD. 之梦轩主人 \o/ \o/ \o/

Also, hunxi’s answer about its use in episode 54? so insightful! Seriously, go look at it.

Oh and one my tags from 2016 was this: #loving how this shows her as a warrior/general/princess/lady. And yes !!!! YES I still would shout this from the rooftops. Usually, these - forgot the word for them, but there is like a genre (?) theme (?) of poetry written from the perspective of ladies longing for their men who are garrisoned far far away, worrying for their safety while in the war. But it’s a little bit of a play on that trope here, because framed from Mu Nihuang’s perspective, certain lines can take on very different meanings from how they would ‘traditionally’ go.

For example, 家国依稀残梦里 | with home and country indistinct in fragmented dreams, as a general leading her troops in the South, who is doing so while grieving her father and her betrothed - very likely dead, labelled a rebel and forever disgraced… All these identities and the responsibilities on her shoulders. And her home and Da Liang forever changed.

Another example: 狼烟烽火何时休 成王败寇尽东流 | When will the beacons of war rest? Victors become king, loser - outlaw; it all flows east (to the sea). Instead of a deeply worried wife, resenting the pointlessness of the war, Mu Nihuang gets the front and center seat for witnessing the clashing of vipers and conflict stemming from the Emperor's painstaking balancing of power. Which is another, probably even more infuriating and disheartening POV to be experiencing to be honest.

...............................................................................................................

Okay and the final rabbit hole is another Li Shangyin poem! 

Intro 别离难忍忍别离 // parting is hard to bear, (but) it is borne Verse 蜡炬已残泪难干 // although candles have melted, wax hardened, it is difficult for tears to dry. 江山未老红颜旧 //before the mountains and rivers age, beauty fades. Chorus Part 1 忍别离 不忍却要别离 // Bearing with parting is difficult, yet we must part Chorus Part 2 托鸿雁南去 // Entrusting the geese to go South,

《无题》- untitled 相见时难别亦难 | It is difficult to meet, difficult also to part; 东风无力百花残 | spring’s east wind weakens, its myriad flowers withered. 春蚕到死丝方尽 | Only unto death does the silkworm cease to spin its thread; 蜡炬成灰泪始干 | only when candles are burnt to the quick do tears begin to dry. 晓镜但愁云鬓改 | She sits before the mirror at dawn, distressed at the change in her hair; 夜吟应觉月光寒 | murmuring poems in the night, how chilling the moonlight must feel! 蓬山此去无多路 | Between here and the mythical Penglai mountain, there are few roads; 青鸟殷勤为探看 | may the blue bird often visit on her behalf.

That is not to say that the song either does or does not allude to this particular poem, because there are many mediums of creation that do use these themes and imagery. But just that I found the poem while googling that line about the candles’ remnants and tears drying, and it added an extra dimension to my reading of it. Because wow. This is so desperate and intense O.O 

[feitanswife]

how to write a horror/mystery/gothic novel that takes place in Washington State:

General:

Kent is a shithole, no one goes to Seattle unless they absolutely have to, the beaches are not for swimming really it’s almost always too cold, and Yakima calls itself the Palm Springs of Washington and whoever decided that should be shot. It’s not the Palm Springs of anything. Palm Springs of depression and murder maybe.

our weather is moody and unpredictable, use that. The other day it went from brilliantly sunny to hailing in a few minutes. It just does that. Monday can be 75 degrees, Tuesday it could snow. Especially in spring.

Western half:

It doesn’t matter where your characters live, if it’s not the absolute heart of a big city your characters WILL have convenient access to woods. Maybe not a lot, but there will be, within fifteen minutes of brisk walking or eight minutes of driving, there will be trees and bushes enough to explore. There are narrow walking trails in green belts between suburban housing developments, undeveloped awkwardly shaped plots of land between grocery stores parking lots, and woods at the edge of parks that may or may not be part of the park.

1 in every 8 houses in the average shitty suburb is full of cultists. The cults have splinter fringe cults. It’s cults all the way down. If your neighbors go to ANY church that isn’t like, one of the big well known branches of Christianity, it’s generally assumed you should cut contact with them cause they’re not worth trying to save. My town had people who pretended to be Mormons to get away with even worse shit. If your characters are in high school, they WILL be accosted by people holding signs and spouting slurs outside the school gates at least once a year. It’s just a thing that happens.

Conversely: everyone knows a couple witches. It’s just a thing. If you go to a community college there’s like a 1 in 10 chance any student you talk to practices witchcraft, and the chance goes up exponentially if they look gay. In my friend group there’s only one non witch, somehow. Stick with the witches, they’re usually pretty cool.

Other gothic genres would have you believe that forests and fields and wild places are scary, don’t be fooled into believing that’s always the case here. It’s not. In fact, the forest is often a place of refuge from, yanno, the weirdos outside of it.

You may think I’m exaggerating but I had neighbors who boarded up their own house and tried to poison the rest of our street when they moved in and spent all Halloween trying to Indoctrinate children. And there was a group of like ten people who faked being from a nearby church as an excuse to harass high schoolers and nobody knew they were fakes until I accidentally told the story to someone who ACTUALLY WENT TO THE CHURCH and was like “uh no we don’t do that wtf???” And that’s how we found of that there were people to fucked up for even the Mormons, and got kicked out and started their own operation! So what did we all do? We started walking home through the woods behind the highschool!

Basically tl:dr if you’re writing on the western half of the state, frame it like there’s scary paranormal goings on in the woods only to plot twist that the villains are humans and the forest’s paranormal activities are helpful, not harmful. Nothing in the woods is scarier than what’s outside of it. Except like, bears and stuff. But usually bears aren’t actively trying to fuck your day up.

Eastern half:

FUN GEOGRAPHY LESSON: rain shadows! We got MOUNTAINS! And when you go over the mountains there’s a huge closet wasteland cause the water gets trapped in the west side! But, between the mountains and the wasteland there’s this beautiful strip of pine forest and meadows called Central Washington it’s beautiful, it’s heaven on earth, once you go there you’ll never want to leave.... except the people there are horrible. It’s like you took a chunk of the Deep South, shook all the actual good stuff out of it, and plopped it in the PNW. Everyone is so up their own asses with politics. trump signs everywhere. So many of them are those godawful rich people who think they’re not rich cause their four story log mansion happens to be in a rural area. I can’t believe I’ve never been hatecrimed over there for how damn gay I look. THE EXCEPTION TO THIS RULE is Ellensburg. Ellensburg my beloved. It’s the best town on earth. Most pedestrian friendly location I’ve ever lived, everyone is super nice, and it’s a college town so there’s always something fun going on!

Tri cities has a bunch of nuclear plant related stuff, do with that what you will.

Back to the fact that half this state is uninhabited due to being completely dry and barren: holy shit the east is scary. It’s just nothing. Rolling hills of nothing. A three hour drive of nothing, then you get to nothing (Idaho edition).

Wine country is its own beast and I would have to make a whole post waxing poetic about how much a vineyard has to give as a gothic setting but here’s the cliff notes:

very isolated, far outside a small town where all the locals know each other, lots of big machines, old dusty barns with cluttered lofts, for straight lines of grapes you can EASILY get lost in the fields, sometimes they scare crows with LOUD AIR CANNONS, hot as hell all the time, people are on the verge between “your cool uncle with money” and “this person has never existed on the same plane of reality as you”, every house has trained hunting dogs for some reason, there’s weird mysterious birds, possibly venomous snakes, and SWARMS of bees and wasps. Oh and everybody and their brother does vineyard weddings. I’m sick to death of vineyard weddings.

Don’t let the maps deceive you. There may be a bunch of town names out there, but that doesn’t mean anything’s there. One time to go camping we drove out into the middle of the state on I-90, took an exit and turned left and kept driving for another hour on completely abandoned roads with no sign of life (but dozens of abandoned rotting houses in the distance) just to get to a “town” that reeked of “we’re getting murdered here cause half of us aren’t white and one of the 3 white people has neon pink hair”. If people wanted to go anywhere they’d have to drive an hour just to get to the interstate. They had one school building for k-12. One gas station, one tiny store, one restaurant. I could lap the entire town in thirty minutes walking. And the first building we saw was a church. Just one. As if the townsfolk weren’t given much of a choice. And there are probably 50 identical towns scattered across the east of the state. Completely isolated.

Tl:dr: want a fresh spin on the “small town full of weirdos” story? Don’t set it in the rural south! Set it in Washington, where you get all the same archetypal weirdness except they think because they’re not in the south they have some kind of moral superiority, and also your lead has nowhere to run cause the landscape is so barren you can damn near see the curve of the earth, where are you gonna hide when the tallest plant goes up to your ankles?

[jutebagsblog]

The Benefits of Jute Bags to Your Health and the Environment

Have you ever wondered why jute bags are so popular around the world? The simple answer is that they are eco-friendly and very easy to produce. They are strong and can be used to carry just about anything, although they do tend to come up short when it comes to packing density. In this article we'll go over some of the other benefits and advantages related to canvas tote bags, which are far superior to their jute counterparts.

Canvas tote bags are produced from a completely natural resource: jute fibers. The material used to produce jute bags is primarily a woody plant stem and skin, which makes for a very durable, weather-resistant material, and as such is often used to create rope and burlap bags. While these bags are very strong and long-lasting, they are not particularly environmentally friendly, as jute fibers must be processed to become processed into a form that can be woven into a canvas bag. The resulting canvas bags are not only low-energy recyclable but also comfortable, meaning they can be turned into fertilizer.

Canvas tote bags, as well as their jute counterparts, are excellent choices for carrying groceries and heavy loads. Since they are made from natural materials, canvas tote bags are very durable and tough. As a result, they can resist intense weather conditions like rain, snow, hail, wind, and heat, which make them especially useful when it comes to transporting food. In addition, they are sturdy and can hold up to the weight of several kilograms of fresh produce or even a full-size load of household goods, which is perfect for those who need to carry heavy items around campus, office, or home. They are available in several colors, including natural earth tones like brown and gray, as well as more colorful options like turquoise and hot pink, so that they can match any wardrobe and can fit in with many different color schemes.

The natural material from which jute bags are made, Hessian, is also high in quality, as it is very durable. It has been used for hundreds of years as a material for constructing clothing because of its exceptional strength and water resistance qualities. Hessian has the ability to withstand extreme temperatures of up to minus 150 degrees Fahrenheit, which makes it a great material to use when it comes to providing maximum protection from the elements. Its ability to repel water will ensure that your bags and clothing remain dry and free from mildew, making it a low-energy recyclable product. This is the major environmental benefit of using Hessian as raw material for canvas tote bags.

Another major environmental benefit of jute bags, which makes them a greener choice than cotton or polyester, is that they are one of the few sustainable fibers that are available. Jute, unlike cotton and polyester, does not produce any new greenhouse gases during production. This means that using jute to produce eco-friendly bags reduces the carbon footprint we all have to live with. Less carbon emissions means less pollution, and that's not something we want to be doing as we approach Earth Day, which is set annually between the months of January to February. A jute bag is also a very sustainable fibre, meaning that it will not deplete the natural resources of the planet or of the earth itself.

Jute tote bags are also one of the most durable products you can buy, which makes them a great product to purchase for a number of different reasons. For example, they are extremely strong, which means that you can carry them for long periods of time before any wear and tear occurs. They are also very tough, which means that they won't tear easily, so you can use them multiple times before having to replace them. In addition, jute bags are very sturdy and hard wearing, meaning that you can leave them outdoors without worrying about it being damaged or torn by the harsh wind or rain. Their durability also means that you can use them over again without having to worry about damaging them and causing yourself to buy a whole new set of tote bags.

A third benefit of using jute bags to transport your belongings, is that they are completely biodegradable and sustainable. It is estimated that approximately fifteen thousand trees are needed to make one jute bag. Jute obtained from sustainable sources can be turned into long strips of fiber to weave into pillows, bolster covers, and even mattress covers, further reducing our impact on the environment.

If you want to reduce your impact on the environment, but are worried about the cost of purchasing jute bags in Bangladesh, you can instead purchase reusable ones made out of polypropylene. These come in the form of T-shirts, sweatshirts and fleece blankets. While they are not as thick as their plastic counterparts, they are very durable and will last for years. They are made out of natural fibers and so cannot be harmful to the environment. They can also be washed in the washing machine without causing any damage to the fabric. And, they are much more inexpensive than their plastic cousins, coming in a range of prices starting from around ten to twenty pounds for a single jute bag.

[katcadecascade]

Snow Much Fun With You

Basically Qrow sends his kids out to play in the snow.

Ao3

If there’s one thing about Atlas is known for, it’s for its perfect snow days.

One would think that the tundra would have blizzards or hail but the elite just love to have everything according to their taste, including the weather. They just have the money and the means to get what they want.

So come morning, Atlas is frosted with flawless white snow.

As a bird faunus born and raised in Mistral then later Vale, Qrow is still not used to seeing weather so utterly peaceful. Rain and wind still chill his bones and the slightest amount of ice brings a great discomfort to his wings.

Still, even he knows a good thing when he sees it and so does his kids.

Usually all the kids are lined up at the two coffee machines or tea kettle as Ren cooks up a quick breakfast before morning briefings. Not today as Nora, Ren, Oscar, and Ruby are practically pressing their noses against the glass windows, eyeing up the winter wonderland beyond the academy walls.

“It’s so pretty,” Oscar awed.

The farm boy probably only seen snow in his books so actually feeling the gentle cold is drastic change in scenery compared to their trip to Argus.

One other Mistral kid is currently drooling.

“I wanna eat it,” Nora said.

“Don’t,” Ren instantly forbade.

“But it looks like ice cream!”

Ruby shook her head, “Trust me, it’s not worth it.”

Oscar snickered, “Wait, did you eat snow before?”

“In my defense I was little and Patch’s snow days were more hail than snow so it all looked like little balls of ice cream.” She snorted at her own memory, “At least I didn’t pull a Yang.”

“You better stop right now Ruby,” her sister warned, setting down her mug of tea next to Blake’s. Yang glare moves to Qrow when he starts cackling too.

Qrow grinned maliciously at his niece, “I nearly forgot about that day, still don’t know what possessed you to lick that street pole.”

To nearly everyone’s surprise, Jaune is the first to laugh at that anecdote. Besides him, Weiss can’t eat her toast, far too disgusted at her teammate’s old hijinks.

“You licked a street pole?” Weiss cringed. “That’s so unhygienic!”

“That’s one way to describe their childhood,” Qrow muttered, recounting the many messes Tai’s girls caused.

“Ewe,” commented the ice princess.

Back with the four snow gazers, they all stare longingly to the cold lawns below, probably wishing to skip out on the meeting or for Oscar’s case, school. As for the three kids seated with Qrow, he can see how their training daze is wearing off, leaving everyone’s excitement dwindling down.

Yeah, Qrow needs to fix this.

“You know,” he begins, gaining everyone’s curiosity, “the garden’s field should be piled up with snow.” Slowly, temptation sparks into the kids’ eyes. “And usually the meetings are just about announcing the mission roster, not a big deal.”

Blake tilts her head, “I don’t think the General or the others would think that.”

“True,” he nods, “but Jimmy owes us one for arresting us.”

“Welp,” Nora perks up, “I don’t need any more convincing!” Her hands are instantly holding onto Ren and Oscar, “Let’s go!”

Her sprint triggers Ruby’s competiveness so red rose petals are blazing out of the kitchen. Jaune jumped out of his seat to follow the rest of his team while Blake and Yang just shared a grin before heading out too.

Weiss frowns at Qrow, “Are you sure about this?”

She acts exactly like her sister except for the way her fingers tap on the table and how her eyes flicker to the door. Qrow sort of expected this from her, stubbornness for her career but the bone deep need of defiance for her own worth or character.

Qrow always seen her as a caged bird, freer and more at ease with her friends out in the world. But she’s back in Atlas, a place she escaped from and had to return for the sake of the world.

His feathers bristle at her fate, large black wings flaring out a little as he places a hand on Weiss’ shoulder, “You deserve all the snow in the world, snowflake, know that.”

Her shoulders lose its tension and she smiles gratefully. Weiss stands up and is about to run out until she freezes up. Qrow is about to reassure her again until Weiss tugs at his arm, dragging him away too.

Huh, little snowflake is stronger than she looks.

In no time they make it to the academy’s garden, which is basically the size of the average park because this is Atlas and Atlas is rich and lives for the aesthetic.

True as Qrow’s word, the entire landscape is blanketed with snow. Some lumps of it are in the open field while the flower beds and bushes are dusted nicely and snow packed trees are lined evenly down the pathways. The kids are already running wild in the snow, feral even as Nora and Ruby do cartwheels and Yang just chucks herself at Jaune, sending them both down.

Oscar, despite shivering, has an almost manic grin as he rolls in the snow. Near him, Blake laughs and lets herself fall into a snow pile. Ren appears to be building the foundations of a snowman.

The moment they enter the garden, Weiss lets go of Qrow to chase after Ruby. There’s no grace or charm in her run, tripping as she reaches the red hooded girl.

Qrow simply leans against the doorway and takes out his scroll to snap a few pictures too. Oh right, he sends a text to Clover about their delay. He switches back over to the camera function, about to press the recording button but coldness smacks his face.

All of his kids are a chorus of laughs and cackles as Qrow whips the snowball off his face. Worst part is, he has no idea who his attacker is. Instincts tell him it’s Ruby though.

He trusts his gut fast as the winds, he beats his wings in one smooth motion to launch himself forwards. Scooping an armful of snow, he charges at his niece to land his ammunition in her face.

Ruby falls on her butt, her hair messier than usual with the snow clinging to each strand. Her gritted teeth and fire in her eyes could probably melt the weather, “This is war old man!”

And thus, the war begins.

Alliances are tedious, what with everyone betraying everyone.

Jaune shoves snow down the backs of Weiss and Nora. Oscar lands a solid hit on Jaune’s forehead. Qrow gets a nasty combo attack from Blake and Ren, both too sneaky for their own good. At some point Qrow gives into old habits to shield Ruby with his wings right as Yang pulls a Taiyang, the signature move of just tearing chunks of snow off the ground and flinging it.

Ruby pops her head out of the feathery shield to stick her tongue out. He has to shove her head back down when the rest of her team decide to aim at their leader.

As she laughs against Qrow’s chest, he can’t help but think how it’s like she hasn’t grown up at all. She’s budding warmth in his life, cradled in his arms and wings and Qrow tussles out the remaining snow out of her hair.

“Having fun kiddo?”

“Yep,” she grins widely and proud, “Thank you for this.”

Qrow doesn’t have an excuse in mind to deflect, too roped up in the snowball fight. Honestly, he’s having fun too.

His kids are just really special, aren’t they?

Ruby gives him one last smile right before she drops a handful of snow on his head. Apparently, that’s a signal for the rest of them to toss snow to rain on top of them.

Never mind, they’re all brats.

Qrow flings his wings out to their full span, scattering lose snow off. He wraps his warms around Ruby’s waist to hoist her up and pins her arms to her side.

He commands to the others, “Get her!”

“NOOO!” She wails as her friends betray her.

It’s a bombardment of coldness, most are targeted on Ruby but she’s a small human shield so Qrow still gets hit too. As long as the brat gets the majority of it, he’s fine.

After that, everyone is tuckered out and snow ridden. While their clothes are designed as water and snow proof, Yang and Jaune did manage to shuck snow underneath because they’re jerks like that.

A loud whistle has everyone facing the doorway to the academy.

Clover sends them all a wryly smirk, his arms full of towels, “Sorry to break this up but we still got work to do.”

Behind the captain, Marrow carries a tray of hot steaming mugs. He asks Clovers with a frown, “Seriously? That’s all you’re going to say about this?”

“You’re just sad you didn’t get invited.”

“I am not!”

Eventually the kids are lined up, grateful for the dry towels and hot chocolate. Qrow lets his kids go before him, so he’s glad that Clover saved the largest towel for him. His wings shiver underneath the cloth, trying to contain as much warmth as possible as all enter the hallway.

“Thanks,” Qrow offers Clover a small smile but he’s a little preoccupied with picking out ice stuck to his wings.

He shivers and twitches a bit. Now that he’s away from the cold weather, it’s easier to feel the small snow pieces stuck between his feathers.

“Are you okay?” Clover halts their walk to examine him.

His gaze is full of genuine worry and care and Qrow can’t help it when his feathers puff up at the tenderness of it all. Many people only see the wings and care for the aesthetic of it rather than who it is attracted to.

Or so Qrow had always told himself. Most of the time his assumptions are correct but it took a while for him to process that people like Tai or Summer actually do look pass the wings and sees Qrow.

Yet there’s something about the way Clover peers into Qrow that disarms him, something that asks for all of his walls to fall down. Qrow can’t help but want to let Clover in.

The kids are already walking ahead but Ruby glances back before urging everyone around the corner, leaving Qrow and Clover in the hallway, the morning sun lights the frosty garden beyond the windows and the quiet atmosphere settling between the two men.

“Just got some snow stuck here and there,” Qrow removes the towel off his wings, lettings them pan out and shake off lingering snow. “I’ll probably have to groom them again. Some parts feel tangled after Nora sent me crashing.”

“That sounds painful, the Nora part that is,” Clover said, knowing from training experience at how enthusiastic Nora is.

“Yeah,” he nods and he can’t help but watch how teal eyes wander over the expanse of his wings.

There’s a soft, gentle look in Clover’s expression, almost dazed yet concentrated on memorizing the individual feathers. None of it felt securitizing or overly analyzing Qrow like he’s an abnormality.

Far from it, he felt safe around Clover. Maybe it’s from how easily they pair up in missions or how pleasant his company is. Qrow wants more of this, whatever this even is.

So biting down his hesitance, Qrow asks, “Would help me later, with my wings?”

Clover’s eyes goes back up to his red ones, both holding onto each other as something unspoken falls between them.

It was always Clover saying that if Qrow ever needs to talk that he’ll be here for him. Qrow has yet to take up that offer, settling for easy silence or card games to entirely avoid his issues.

Now he’s reaching out, trusting something very intimate to share with Clover just because Qrow desires the touch of Clover on him.

If Qrow crumbles from just Clover’s words and eyes, what will happen underneath his hands?

That honestly sends a shiver down his spine. It has been so long since Qrow trusted someone to groom his wings.

“Of course, Qrow,” he promises because yes, it sounds as weighty as devotion.

That realization blooms into Qrow, watching how his own wants and needs reflect in Clover’s eyes. Everything Qrow thought he was imaging or second guessing, the lingering touches and the flirts and the way Clover just watches Qrow in the corner of his eyes, it was all little details that piled together into something big.

And just like with snow, Qrow wants to fall into it.

“Come on, lucky charm,” Qrow doesn’t stop the smile tugging onto his lips as he takes Clover’s hand, “Everyone’s is probably waiting on us.”

He nearly has to pull Clover as he leads them to the meeting room but like always, Clover finds his footing to be at Qrow’s side.

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Everything Money Can Buy (2/12)

Summary: The Greatest Store in the World AU. When misfortune strikes and leaves Emma Swan and her son homeless just before Christmas, the ever-resourceful Emma has a ready solution. They’ll move into Mills Department Store, a place they can only dream of affording to buy from. It’s not easy, having to deal with a perpetually grumpy doorman, a nasty assistant manager, and an extremely suspect Santa, but Emma and Henry soon learn that the kindness of strangers is something money can’t buy.

Swan Believer centric, with eventual Swan Queen and background Rumbelle and Dwarf Star.

Rated: G

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[One] [AO3]

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Two

When Emma woke up the next morning, she almost couldn’t remember where she was. It had been a long time since she’d slept in a bed this luxurious – if she ever had. She reached under her pillow to silence the alarm on her phone. As tempting as it was to go for five more minutes, especially under a genuine goose feather duvet and soft wool blankets, the entire reason that they were in such sumptuous surroundings in the first place meant that they were going to have to make a move sharpish, before it became obvious that they had been in there all night.

She sat up and leaned down to the other end of the bed to wake Henry, who groaned and pulled the covers up over this head.

“What time is it?” he mumbled.

“It’s nearly six. Come on, Henry, we have to move.”

“But it’s a Saturday!”

“I know, but the cleaners will be coming in soon and we need to be ready to sneak out with them before the shop opens. Believe me, I’ve cleaned enough shops before opening hours in my time to know how this works.”

Truth be told, Henry had cleaned enough shops to know how it worked too. Well, usually he’d been sitting in a corner on a step stool out of the way whilst she’d done the cleaning, but he’d certainly been around. It was hard enough holding down a job when she had no qualifications and no fixed abode; trying to hold one down with a small child was almost impossible, and Henry had ended up coming to work with her more often than not.

They got up and set the bed back to as pristine a showroom condition as they could manage, and soon enough, the sound of hoovers and the chatter of cleaning staff could be heard on the floors below them. Emma rushed back to the cleaning cupboard that they’d hidden in the previous evening; it had been during that fraught period at closing time that she’d come up with the plan to disguise their exit this morning. She grabbed a roll of bin bags and a pair of rubber gloves, and with Henry’s help, she tossed all of their baggage into a black sack and started dragging it towards the stairs. It was slow going, but at least they weren’t quite as conspicuous as they could have been.

They were almost in the clear when the cleaning team got up to beds and bed linen, and their progress was hindered even further by the appearance of the assistant manager. Emma cursed and shoved the bin bag full of their belongings in a corner, instructing Henry to guard it and not look anyone in the eye. She was going to have to keep up the cleaning façade for a little longer in order to make it look legit. Thank God she had enough experience to know what she was doing.

In all the time that Emma had been perusing the shelves of Mills without any intention of buying anything, the assistant manager, a Miss Zelena West, had been the bane of Emma’s window-shopping happiness. Like Gold the doorman, she was an institution at the department store, but unlike Gold, there was absolutely nothing likeable about her. Gold was scary, but he did at least smile on occasion and his broad Glasgow accent betrayed roots far from the bright lights and luxury of Mills; so, for that reason, Emma trusted him even if she could feel his eyes boring into her sometimes when they were sitting on their bench across the street, watching him.

Zelena, on the other hand, was always annoying and never smiled so much as leered, her eyes never quite matching what her mouth was doing. There were always too many teeth in her smile, and Emma always got the distinct impression that there was more to her than met the eye. If there was one person whom she absolutely did not want to meet whilst attempting to leave the store having been trespassing in it all night, then it was Zelena. She would definitely be the type to haul them both straight off to the owner’s office and get as many charges as possible pressed against them.

What was she doing here so early anyway? Surely no one could be so paranoid about their place of work that they decided to supervise the cleaning staff, but apparently so. She was stalking in and out of all the display racks, hunting for dust in nooks and crannies and finger marks on any and all mirrored surfaces. Emma showed willing with a duster for a bit, and one of the other ladies caught her eye. She could barely have been out of her teens, if that, and she was so pregnant she could barely fit down between the aisles. Emma felt a pang of sympathy; that had been her ten years ago, still working up until her due date because she had no other choice.

The girl grimaced, rubbing her back.

“When’s it due?” Emma asked, coming over to pick up her dropped feather duster and save unnecessary bending down.

“New Year’s Day. Thanks.” The girl took the duster back with a grateful smile. “I haven’t seen you around here before. Are you new?”

“Yeah, first day on the job.” She nodded over to Zelena, still on the prowl. “Is she always like that?”

“Yep. Nothing’s ever good enough for the wicked witch.”

Emma had to laugh at the nickname; considering Zelena was almost always dressed in some shade of green, it certainly suited her.

“I’m Ashley, by the way. Just let me know if you need any help finding your way round. It’s a huge place; I got lost in kitchenware on my first day. I thought I was going to be stuck in an endless loop of saucepans and lasagne dishes for the rest of my life.”

“I’m Emma. Thanks for the offer.”

“Hey!” Zelena had noticed them talking, and Emma quickly turned so that the other woman wouldn’t see her face. “Less gossiping and more dusting! These beds won’t clean themselves!”

“It might help if she picked up a duster once in her life,” Ashley muttered. Emma gave a snort and made her excuses to leave Ashley alone, slipping away when Zelena’s back was turned again and making her way back to Henry.

“You were gone ages!” he hissed. “I was getting worried!”

Emma grabbed the bin bag and started banging it down the stairs. “I got trapped by the wicked witch. I’ll explain later,” she added quickly on seeing Henry’s confused expression. “Did anyone see you?”

“No. No one came past except the customer services lady and she didn’t say anything. Maybe bringing your kid to work isn’t so rare after all.”

Emma thought of Ashley, and she wondered what would happen after New Year’s Day.

Down on the ground floor, Emma hit a slight flaw in her plan. She’d spent enough time in Mills over the years to know its layout pretty well, but that was only the parts that the public got to see. They were now in the backstage area, so to speak. Staff only. And she had no idea where to find the exit.

People were coming and going, the cleaners and the regular staff coming in to set up their departments; but no one paid her and Henry any mind. They were cleaners after all, lugging a huge bag of rubbish out to the bins. They came in this way, so they must know their way out again.

Emma pushed Henry down behind the bag and dropped into a crouch beside him as she heard a very familiar and very angry voice.

“If Zelena’s held my coat to ransom in the dry-cleaning cupboard again, I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”

Gold came down the corridor past them, and Emma had to double take at his appearance. She’d only ever seen him resplendent in his uniform, and to see him now, wearing an obviously hand-knitted jumper with a penguin wearing earmuffs on it, was a jarring reminder that he did have a life outside of the store.

“It’s ok, I rescued it for you.”

Gold stopped at the end of the corridor before he could crash into the lady from the customer services desk. She was new this year; Emma had not seen her working on the desk before. She held up Gold’s uniform coat in its plastic dry-cleaning bag, and Emma couldn’t help but notice the slight little red blush that rose in her cheeks when Gold grabbed it with a smile.

“Belle, you are a lifesaver. What would I do without you?”

“Oh, you’d manage, I’m sure.”

“Mum!”

Henry was gesturing frantically down the corridor to where the other cleaners were taking rubbish bags, and Emma knew that it was time to move on and not watch the sweet little scene taking place between Gold and Belle any longer. She hauled up their bin bag and followed Henry down the corridor and out into the yard, whereupon they ducked behind a bin and grabbed all their luggage.

They were out of the woods, and their night of camping out in the store was over.

“Come on, Henry. Let’s go and get our van back.”

X

Someone wise once said that it never rains but it pours. If they had been a bit wiser still, they would have said that it never rains but it pours and thunders and hails and snows all at the same time, and less than a week before Christmas to boot.

Emma was sitting in the cramped office of the DVLA impound trying very hard not to swear, since Henry was sitting only a foot away, pretending to be absorbed in a newspaper and not paying any attention to what the adults were doing, but in reality, he was taking absolutely everything in and he knew that things were going from bad to worse to even worse with every passing moment.

She also knew that she really couldn’t take it out on the poor clerk who was dealing with her case. When the van had been towed in the first place and she’d made it clear that she wouldn’t be able to pay the fine; he’d offered to try and get her a payment plan of sorts. As it was, Emma had pawned some of her mother’s jewellery to make up the cash; the sentimental value was nothing compared to actually having somewhere to call home that wasn’t a department store’s bed section.

She had come to the impound ready to pay, only for the incredibly apologetic and nervous-looking clerk to tell her that he couldn’t release the van to her because it had failed so many safety inspections that it had been deemed dangerous to drive. He was going through the list of all its failings with her now, and every time he faltered, Emma could tell that there was more bad news to come but that he’d already given her so much that he didn’t have the heart to continue.

Eventually, they came to the end of the list, and he looked up at her with an expression that could only be described as a cringe.

“I’m really sorry,” he said. “But I just can’t let you drive away in it.”

Emma sat back in her chair and sighed, staring up at the ceiling. There was no way that she would be able to afford all the repairs that the agency had said would be needed before the van would be road legal again. She had barely scraped together enough for the fine in the first place. This was just the icing on the cake of a really terrible year. Every year, she was determined that things were going to get better and that they might finally stop living out of a van.

She’d got her wish all right. They were definitely not living out of a van anymore. They weren’t living out of anywhere.

“To be honest, it might be more economical to write it off,” the clerk said. “I’m not sure how much you’d get for its scrap value, but it would be better than nothing.”

Emma nodded. “Yeah. You’re probably right. How do I go about doing that, then?”

“Well, we won’t be able to do anything until after Christmas, I’m afraid. Everywhere is shut down for the holidays.”

Emma threw her hands up in the air and let them drop down to her sides. “Fantastic. Fan-bloody-tastic.”

There was nothing more that she could do here. All she could hope was that the emergency housing office had somewhere available for them.

“Come on, Henry.” She sighed and hefted up their bags again. “Let’s go.”

“We’re not getting the van back, are we?”

“No.”

They walked on through the town in silence. The van was pretty much the only home that Henry had ever known, and now it had been taken from him in a finger snap, and just before Christmas as well. Henry was used to not receiving Christmas presents, but at least he’d never yet had something taken away from him at Christmas. This was the opposite of the Christmas spirit, and his desolation was palpable.

“We’ll find somewhere else,” Emma said, trying to keep his spirits up, but it was clear that Henry didn’t believe her, and she didn’t quite believe herself. “I’m sure that there are other vans out there.” That said, maybe it would be better to put some roots down somewhere and start living between four walls instead of on four wheels. Maybe this would be the year that they stopped living in the van in a good way after all.

The housing office was open this time, but as they walked in, took the slip of paper from the machine with their number on it, and sat down to wait, Emma didn’t hold out much hope. There were at least six other families in front of them, and all of them were more than just a single mum and her son. On the one hand, being just the two of them, they needed less room and would hopefully be easier to place somewhere, but on the other, bigger families with much younger children had much more urgent need of shelter. Emma remembered with a shiver her first couple of homeless years after Henry had been born, a constant fear of losing him to the bitter cold, burying him under so many blankets as she curled up around him in the back of her car that he could barely be seen. As desperate as she and Henry were, she would never wish that on anyone. Besides, she and Henry had a back-up plan if necessary. Living out of Mills wasn’t exactly ideal, but they’d made it work last night. Surely they could make it work again. All they had to do was stay out of Zelena’s way.

The morning wore on, and Emma’s hopes were getting stretched extremely thin by the time her number was called. She had seen the apologetic shakes of the head that all of the other applicants had been getting, and she knew that things weren’t exactly looking great. It came as absolutely no surprise when she was told that there would be no accommodation available until the new year. If she could just find somewhere to stay over the holidays, then everything would be all right, but all resources were stretched at this time of year, et cetera, et cetera. The woman was telling her in all but the most blatant terms that her best bet would be to go to the nuns at the homeless shelter over the Christmas period and to come back in January.

Emma shook her head. No, she would never go back to the shelter, not after she’d nearly come to blows with the Mother Superior after finding the head nun going through all her and Henry’s belongings, looking for items of monetary value as a ‘voluntary donation’ towards their stay at the shelter. No one had believed her when she’d tried to report it to the authorities. Considering that they were nuns who did regular work in the community and Emma had several shoplifting cautions and convictions under her belt, she wasn’t surprised, but the injustice of it all still stung.

“What are we going to do, Mum?” Henry asked. He had been so good about the whole thing, never once complaining or whining about a very boring day spent in various offices, or the fact that for once in her life, Emma didn’t have a cunning plan to get them out of their latest scrape. Her son was old beyond his years, and Emma felt a huge wave of guilt wash over her that his early life had been so hard. She had done the best for him that she could with what little she had, and she loved him more than life itself, but sometimes she wondered what would have happened if she had taken the advice of everyone around her and given him up for adoption when he was born. Maybe he would have had a better life; he might have been adopted and been living in a comfortable house with central heating and proper beds.

Or he might have had a childhood like hers after her parents were killed and she’d been shoved unceremoniously into the foster system; never to be loved and only to be kicked out to fend for herself as soon as she aged out.

She continued in silence, trying to think of an answer to Henry’s question that wouldn’t leave them both in despair, trudging along the street with aching arms from carrying all the bags all day, until the familiar bright lights of Mills came into view. It was tempting fate to spend another night there, but this time Emma had a much better plan.

“We’ll go camping.”

[the-depressed-shiny-buneary]

Pokemon Next Gen (Mentally Challenged Kids): Yuki Suzuna

Yuki is the daughter of Zoey and Candice. She was conceived by a male doner while Candice carried her, she does visit her doner father at times but she mostly spends time with both of her moms. When she was a child, Zoey and Candice noticed that Yuki would have repetitive and restricted behavior, they also noticed that she didn’t seem to have an interest in talking with other kids and she would end up playing on her own if they decided to take her to a park. When they took her to a doctor they learned that she was Autistic, nothing changed between the mothers and their daughter, they would do their best to satisfy her repetitive behavior, mostly by learning what her traits are. Yuki soon joined a child therapy group where she met Autumn, Frances, Pearl, Stella, Alika, Hiroki, and Ginger though it took a while for her to warm up to them, she does hang out with them after she got used to seeing them. Yuki’s main trait is that she has a specific way of doing things and will get upset if any of those ways aren’t met, it’s mostly dealt with when it comes to food. Like how she’ll like her sandwiches with the crusts cut off and cut into quarters instead of halves. She also has fixations on only one item, mostly her Eevee plush as it’s always seen by her side and she only really plays with that one plush. Yuki is also hyper-sensitive and has extreme reactions to simple things such as multiple people talking in a room, for that reason, she always has headphones on to dull the volume of the voices so she doesn’t get uncomfortable. 

Her main colors are pink and turquoise. From pink, she has unconditional love towards her Pokemon, her moms, and her close friends. She’s also sweet and nurturing to anyone she’s close to, however, she’s also over emotional and has some unrealistic expectations. She can be immature and girly as well. From turquoise, Yuki is creative and turquoise helps her with communicating with others, it also represents how she’s self-sufficient when it comes to finding her own needs, a small representation of her repetitive behavior. It also helps her with keeping the balance of her emotions and her keeping a clear head.

Her Pokemon:

Coco the Skitty- Yuki had caught Coco with the help of Zoey’s Glameow. Coco is very much like her trainer, she’s playful and is quick to fix her attention to something new or keep her attention on one item. Coco can play with anything and gets excited when she does find something to play with, even her own tail. She’s also energetic to the point she’ll tire herself out after one full day of playing and will spend the rest of the day resting, despite being full of energy she does still like taking things easy when she finds something that can calm her down which is mostly with the help of aromatherapy. When taking part in aromatherapy she’ll curl up on Yuki’s lap or on anything soft and will fall asleep soundly, then she’ll wake up and go back to playing.

Caught in a Luxury Ball.

Ability is Cute Charm.

Held Item is a Silk Scarf.

Moves are Return, Assist, Sing, Zen Headbutt, Thunderbolt, Blizzard, Copycat, Round, Double Slap and Wish.

Whinter the Glaceon- Yuki caught Whinter when he was an Eevee along with his sister who also was an Eevee. Whinter is more mature than his more cheerful and playful sister, Yuki quickly realized that Whinter liked playing in the snow than playing in the grass so he gave Whinter an Ice Stone which made him evolve into the Glaceon he is now. Whinter is calm and mature, he prefers to stay clean and will get very angry should he get dirty. Despite that, he still cares about his trainer and will freeze anyone who insults or belittles his trainer. He also cares deeply about his younger sister and while he still dislikes being dirty he will make an exception to get dirty to play with his sister in the grass and mud, so long as he doesn’t get too dirty and he’ll get cleaned up after they were done playing together. He wears a blue bandanna with a snowflake pattern on it that’s tied around his neck, it means a lot to him as it was a gift from Yuki.

Caught in a Pokeball.

Ability is Ice Body.

Moves are Hail, Swift, Copycat, Ice Beam, Freeze-Dry, Rain Dance, Weather Ball, Ice Fang, Double Team, and Frost Breath.

Summer the Leafeon- Yuki caught Summer when she was an Eevee along with her brother. Summer is more carefree, cheerful and playful than her older brother who’s more mature. Yuki quickly noticed that Summer liked playing in the grass or in a forest than playing in the snow with her brother, so she gave Summer a Leaf Stone which made her evolve into Leafeon. Summer is cheerful and playful, she’s always happy to play with Yuki as well as help Yuki with whatever she might need. Like most Leafeons, she’s a pacifist and doesn’t like solving any problems by fighting but if the situation calls for it she will fight alongside her brother and her trainer. She has no issues getting dirty and will at times roll around in dirt simply because it’s fun. Summer looks up to Zoey’s Leafeon and wishes to battle in a contest like her one day. She wears a green bandanna with a red flower pattern on it that’s tied around her neck, it means a lot to her as it was a gift from Yuki.

Caught in a Pokeball.

Ability is Chlorophyll.

Moves are Razor Leaf, Leaf Blade, Sunny Day, Solar Beam, Weather Ball, Double Team, Attract, Swift, Helping Hand, and Giga Drain.

[rememberthattime]

Chapter 59. Cornwall, Charleston, and Chicago

Well we’re into our final chapters. It’s nearly time for Chelsay & I to head home… The end of our time as expats.  

The preceding post, our EuRoad Trip, may go down as our last big adventure abroad. That’s not how we planned it but, if it turns out that way, it’d be a helluva last hurrah.  We have this “on-again-off-again” thing Egypt initially scheduled for November, then delayed to December, and now delayed again until January… but an escalation in Covid cases makes that trip less & less likely.

Regardless of whether Egypt comes through, our last few months abroad will be anything but boring. This post is going to cover December alone, where in just four weeks, Chelsay & I enjoyed TWO winter retreats in Cornwall, and visited Charleston & Chicago for prospective neighborhood tours.

As mentioned, we’d been planning an early winter trip to Egypt. I had the flights, hotels, itinerary, visas… everything was arranged. I even had a dog sitter for Indy. But Covid infections had been rising since the summer, so Chelsay & I always knew this trip was a long shot.

Sure enough, just a few weeks before the trip, our flights were cancelled. We were prepared though and already had a back-up.

3.5 years ago, the same week the Bears drafted Mitch Trubisky, Chelsay & I took a four-day trip to Cornwall. There were two surprises. One turned out to be a good surprise, the other was bad…

The bad surprise was Mitch. As I wrote in our 2017 Cornwall post (Chapter 20), he wasn’t good in college and the Bears passed on so many safer prospects. Fast forward to today, where Mitch is likely in his last season with the Bears while the two quarterbacks drafter after him, Pat Mahomes and Deshaun Watson, are future Hall of Famers.

Well, at least that 2017 Cornwall trip was blast. It’d been a few years though, and with winter surfing a possibility, we decided to use our now-cancelled Egypt vacations days for a return to the Cornish coast.

It seemed like we arrived at our small cottage, Scilly Stack, in the middle of the night. It was actually just dinner time, but the sun sets at 3 pm these days so everything feels like midnight. That first evening, we enjoyed homemade Bolognese and Planes, Trains, & Automobiles. …This cosiness would be a theme.

The trip really began the next morning, with the Cornish wind being our wake-up call. We were visiting the nearby Crown Mines, abandoned for 70 years but still bracing along the Atlantic coastline. I don’t know how they’re still standing: essentially at land’s end, there is no hiding from the elements. Gusting gales, salty mist from the crashing waves… even hail.  Still, Chelsay, Indy, and I were stirred by the wind, and bounced around the craggily coast.

The next stop was one of our primary draws to Cornwall: the beach. It’d been a year since we left Manly, and I missed the water. I keep telling Chelsay that my outdoor activities are limited in London: all I can do is go to the park – no surfing, swimming, or running along the beach. Later in this post, I’ll get into our house tours in Charleston & Chicago… It isn’t a coincidence those cities are both waterfront.

Cornish beaches are unique though: at low tide, the beach seems to be a million football feeds wide. Boats moored in the harbour gradually sink and settle in the sand. The winter crowds are sparse, so Chelsay, Indy, and I had miles to roam. We raced around the beach, threw his ball, played in the waves, and dashed through the surrounding dunes. After wind and hail earlier in the morning, the extreme weather continued: we raced through snow and rainbows in our few hours on the beach.

Afterwards, we warmed up with lunch at a beachside cafe in nearby St Ives. I went a bit risky with the Korean fried cauliflower, which I thought was ambitious for a beachside cafe. This place knew what they were doing though: lunch was delicious, and Chelsay said it was her favorite fish & chips thanks to a special tartar sauce. The town was quiet in the winter, and while we ate, Chelsay and I watched as a lone surfer catching a few waves. I distinctly remember us saying: “We can do that.”

We wrapped up lunch, but with the sun was quickly setting AT 2 PM!, we quickly made our way to the day’s final stop: the Wheal Coates mines.

As a refresher, we’d been here before. We visited in our last trip to Cornwall, but only thanks to a bit of luck. We’d lost cell service so our GPS couldn’t find the mines, and to complicate things, Chelsay had to pee. Somehow, the solution to both problems was the same. We pulled off at a public restroom, where a cartoon map led us directly to the mines.

This time around, I downloaded ‘offline maps’ beforehand, so finding the mines was much. That said, the setting sun made the coastal setting just as special as our previous visit.

Just as we’d done the previous evening, we closed the night with a homemade pasta. This time amatriciana.

We pretty much only had one goal for our second day in Cornwall: surf. It’d been a full year since Chelsay & I left Manly, and we were so anxious to get back in the water. So anxious, in fact, that we were willing to go in the winter.

That morning, we had some serious doubt as we picked up our rental boards & wetsuits boards in Sennan. Literal gale force winds over 40 mph were battering the shoreline. And as if the speed of the wind wasn’t enough, it was directly onshore and killing any chance of wave formation.

That said, the great thing about Cornwall is that it’s a peninsula. If you’ve got onshore winds on one side, just go to the other and you’ll find perfect offshore conditions. Gnarly green faces. Rad rollers. Clean barrels. Smooth breaks. SETS. OUT. THE. BACK.

The surf shop recommended Praa Sands, where a surrounding cove funnelled the south-easterly winds offshore from the beach.  We knew it was the right call when, as we pulled up, noticed Cornwall’s dedicated (though small) surf crowd had also chosen Praa.  

Because it was too cold, windy, and rainy to be outside, we awkwardly changed into our 5mm wetsuits in the car. This was awkward… Not only were the steering wheel and limited space difficult, but anyone passing can look in. Have you ever pulled 6 muscles all at once, while shirtless, while making direct eye contact with someone?  I have now.  

The wetties (and accompanying boots) were critical for this surf session. Just the day before, it had both snowed AND hailed on us. Today there were gale force winds and spots of rain. 5mm of neoprene and incalculable adrenaline were the only things keeping us warm as we plunged into the water.

I specifically remember trying to keep my head high as we paddled out, attempting to stay dry and well above the water. This was one of our strategies to stay warm, with the other being our “get in-go hard-and-get-out-quickly” strategy... Rather than wait for the right wave, we’d paddle hard and take whatever came first.

Luckily there was a pretty solid wave as soon as we hit the lineup: a four foot face that, based on our Manly riding, was perfect for our skillset.

We quickly turned our boards and paddled hard to match the wave’s speed. This was it. Our return. After 12 months, we were going to catch our first wave - Let’s gooooo-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Chelsay and I both flipped directly over the front of our boards, tumbling through the churning wave. Adding injury to insult, each of our boards popped out of the water and landed on the other person’s head.

No return to surfing glory: just a face-first dive into the frigid water, resurfacing only be whacked in the head by each other’s boards.

This was pathetically unathletic, but also hilarious. Chelsay and I both popped out of the water laughing. We’d now been submerged in the winter water, but survived and actually weren’t *that* cold. Chelsay thinks I’m crazy, but I really think I had colder swims in Manly.  

We needed to reset our wave-riding expectations. The biggest problem was that we were out of surfing shape. Our back & arms lacked both the power and stamina we’d built in Australia, so we never had enough speed to keep up with the waves.

After several misses, we ultimately decided to settle for white water (the wave post-crash), and caught a few beginner sets. Like, true novice waves. The kinds you’d see the kids surf school handle in Manly.

We were probably in the water for just 30 minutes, but our arms were already wrecked. Little did we know, our upper body workout was far from over.  The same offshore wind that built up perfect waves was now standing between us & the car.

The combination of these 40 mph winds, our soft surfboards, and utter exhaustion created the funniest scene of the trip. Chelsay and I were fighting for every inch as we made our way up the beach… If our boards even slightly opened to the wind, gusts would catch the board like a sail, punching us back several steps. We’d torque around, trying to get the board into an aerodynamic position, but the heavy wind wouldn’t let up. We’d twist and turn, completely out of control and hyperventilating from laughter. It genuinely looked like Chelsay might fly away with her board, before she eventually gave up and collapsed in the sand.

Needless to say, our Cornwall surf day was very different from the sunny, guacamole-on-the-beach days in Manly. We still had a blast though.

After the most necessary showers ever, and coffee to energize our depleted muscles (and egos), Chelsay and I returned to Penzance to visit St Michael’s Mount. We let Indy play on the beach with other dogs (all collies, which seems to be a UK theme everywhere except London), while Chelsay & I searched for critters until the tide pools were once again flooded.

The sun set by 4 pm, and I don’t need to tell you our dinner that evening: pasta, along with the Mariah Carey Christmas Special.

The next and last day was another highlight.  Although Cornish weather is turbulent, the forecast said our clearest day would be the last. I was so excited about this hike that I initially planned it for our first day, but reschedule to ensure it coincided with the best chance for sunshine.

Well, we got more than just sunshine. It was mild, almost warm. Light breeze. Dry. Absolutely perfect for our hike from Lizard Pointe to Kynance Cove.  

The Lizard Peninsula is known for its craggily coast, where its countless coves were popular for pirates hiding their treasure. Chelsay, Indy, and I didn’t find any treasure, but we felt very lucky to enjoy the seaside setting in essentially summer conditions. To complete the sunny scene, we enjoyed ice cream cones once we arrived in Kynance Cove’s, playing fetch with Indy along the beach. You can’t ask for any better in December.

These few days in Cornwall were excellent. Very different from the Egypt trip they replaced, but somehow both relaxing and adventurous.  We had a such a great time that we booked a return visit just three weeks later.

This return Cornwall visit was entirely intended to decompress. You’ll see when I write about it later: we did nothing.

Why was an ‘exhale’ trip necessary? Well, between our two Cornish holidays, we were visiting Charleston & Chicago, evaluating if either were right for Chelsay & I’s eventual return to the US.  

These visits were mostly Chelsay and I independently exploring each city, gauging “What’s Possible” in terms of neighborhood and home quality, outdoor activities, community values …and, as mentioned earlier, access to the water.

I won’t go into too many details here, but a few memories worth noting:  

That first sunrise in Charleston. It felt like we hadn’t seen a single sunrise since we moved to London… because we hadn’t.

Biscuits and gravy to start the day, followed by walks along the large beaches on Sullivan’s Island and Isle of Palms.

The charming homes of Charleston, which Chelsay and I agreed, made this the prettiest city we’d visited in the US.

Soups, sandwiches, and warm waterfront views at Kiawah Island’s Freshfields Market.

The unbelievable size of American grocery stores. They’re like airplane hangars, with an entire aisle for cereal. We counted 12 unique flavors of Oreos alone! It wasn’t until we browsed these snack aisles that we realized how much we missed all this variety and convenience.

The views from my parents’ 14th floor condo, including surrounding skyscrapers, sunrises over Lake Michigan, and the general city buzz.

Portillos!

The smell of heavy incenses and grilled cabeza steak in La Chaparrita Taqueria.  

Our no-nonsense realtor Greg, who handled our four house tours with the militaristic precision of D-Day. This style was in direct contrast to the selling agents, who were all very kind but far too affable for Greg. There was one agent that couldn’t answer a single question without sprawling in a million directions: “Well the first thing is location… Wait did I tell you about the… Actually my oldest daughter lives down… Oh, where was I?”.  The question we asked was the difference between Winnetka & Wilmette.

The safety measures necessary to make this trip work. This was our first time flying since the start of the pandemic, and we were as careful as possible throughout.  Our extra precautions included getting tested, paying extra attention to social distancing, and even investing in hospital-grade KN95 masks.  

The trip was extremely informative, and we enjoyed envisioning what our lives would be like when we eventually return to the US.  That said, it was a sprint and, especially considering our jet lag, we were exhausted.  This is precisely why we’d booked another 5 days in Cornwall upon our return.

After our overnight flight into London, we picked up our rental car, stopped by the house to grab Indy (and a shower), then started our five-hour drive to Newquay.

This Christmas Eve trip was surprisingly easy. I was nervous beforehand, anticipating minimal sleep on the plane followed immediately by five hours on the road. Just think of how extreme a trip Chicago-to-London-to-Cornwall is in under 15 hours… Although my fears about plane rest turned out to be accurate, the drive was made immeasurably calmer thanks to Obama’s A Promised Land audiobook. Something about having an empathetic, logical President was reassuring. The good ol’ days.

The calm vibes would continue in Cornwall. Round two was nothing like the round one I previously wrote about. In fact, it was unlike any trip Chelsay & I have taken: we did nothing. No itinerary. No plans. No sight-seeing.

This was our opportunity to exhale, and we took full advantage.  We slept in until 10:30 several days, hardly leaving the house and never driving more than 30 minutes from our accommodation. Some of the most memorable highlights:

The accommodation itself, a four-bedroom cottage overlooking Mawgan Porth Beach. 

Our Christmas calls with family, where we opened presents with all the nieces and nephews. Miles got a dragon toy, Orly a stuffed pony, and Jeff & Liv’s couch got leather care formula.

Christmas Day with Chelsay, where we made Beef Wellington and gingerbread cookies, and watched Home Alone 1 & 2.

Our daily beach walks with Indy. After our Cornwall trip earlier in the month, we knew to expect turbulent weather. In just a few days, round two provided a mix of every kind of winter weather: rain, hail, sunshine, gale force winds… Regardless of the weather, we enjoyed beach time with Indy as the tides shifted.

I need to re-emphasize just how windy the beach was. I’ve never seen anything like it. As we walked, the sand kicked up by our boots would catch the wind and shoot 15 feet away. 

Playful walks along the Cornish coastal paths, including stops at the Bedruthan Steps and Port Isaac.  

Teaching Chelsay to play chess. Although she was skeptical at first, we both enjoyed the light competition in an otherwise relaxing few days.

Stealing a line from Jeff & Liv, “Well, that’s Christmas.” …That was December 2020.

I’m actually writing this post on January 1, 2021, which I’m sure I’ll look back on as a significant day. Not only is today a celebratory end to one of the worst years in history (pandemic, economic decline, racial tensions, Trump…), but it’s also excitingly the beginning of what will likely be Chelsay & I’s biggest year yet.

Our December 2020 was actually reflective of today’s mixed New Year’s Day emotions. Our two Cornish holidays represented closing chapters to our international travels, which have consumed our past five years. Meanwhile, our tours of Charleston & Chicago foreshadowed our exciting return to the US. Our past & future look bright …and filled with dozens of different types of Oreos.

[pudding-parade]

OK, so I lied. :) I thought I'd release an Australian preset next, but then I remembered that I had this one that I made when playing a castaway scenario on a desert island, and it didn't really need updating, so I figured I'd share it. It's a weird one, though, so do please read all the details below (Sorry!) before you decide whether or not you want to download and use it.

Aruba is an island in the southeastern Caribbean, not far off the coast of Venezuela in South America. Yes, I know I made/released a general Caribbean preset based on Jamaica, but this one is different because Aruba is different. It is one of the Leeward Antilles, which basically means that rather than receiving a lot of rain like most Caribbean islands, Aruba receives very little and so is classified as an arid (but not Mediterranean) climate. Cacti and scrubby plants and shrubs grow on Aruba, not lush green foliage. Most of the rain Aruba receives falls between September and January with the heaviest rainfall in October, November, and December. In its rainiest month (November), Aruba receives on average 95mm/3.7in of rain while in its driest months (March and April) it receives 10mm/0.4in, so there's quite a difference between months.

As I said, this preset is an odd one, so here we go. Because I made this preset for a castaway scenario, I wanted to be able to grow food year-round, without dealing with that annoying plant fruiting dormancy that the game enforces from mid-autumn to mid-spring. To accomplish that, this preset has only one season, which is summer. However, this is NOT a default that will pick up however long you set your summer to be. You MUST have your summer set to 36 days long to use this. (Because of this, if you do not already have one, you will need a mod to allow for longer seasons than the vanilla game's 28-day max.) You should also disable the other seasons in the in-game options.

The reason for this is that within the preset I've divided that 36-day-long "summer" into twelve 3-day-long "months," in order to more accurately simulate Aruba's yearly rainfall pattern, at least as much as is possible within the game's limitations. With this preset in play, the temperature will hover around 80F/27C regardless of time of day, never going above 85F/29C and never going below 75F/24C, but the chance of rain vs. sun varies depending on which section of the 36-day-long "summer" is currently active. Although hail very rarely happens in the real Aruba, there is no hail, fog, or (obviously) snow in this preset, just to keep things simple.

When you start a save with this preset in play, the "year" will start in "January" (So, a bit rainier), which will last for three days, and then every three days after that a new "month" with a new chance of rain vs. sun (which may or may not be very different from the "month" before it), will be in effect. "February" through "August" (21 days total) are all varying levels of dry. "September" will be similar to "January." "October" through "December" (9 days total) will have a decent amount of rain. That said, periods of rain are set to be short and of only light or medium intensity for most of the year. The exception is the 9-day period representing October, November, and December, which have longer periods of rain with a chance of heavy intensity.

For this upload, I have reinstated the standard summer "Leisure Day" holiday, and that's it. It will happen on the next-to-last day of the "season." (When I originally made the preset, I disabled the holiday, because it was for a castaway scenario, so no one was working a standard job to have a day off from.) If you want to get fancy and you want more than one holiday in your one-season year, you can add custom holidays by fiddling around with the holiday settings in the preset. Instructions for that can be found in this part of the ridiculously-huge how-to-use-Tempest tutorial that I made.

Perhaps obviously, this preset will work best, IMO, if you play with lifestage lengths proportional to a 36-day-long year as well as changing human pregnancy length to 27 days/648 hours (via Retuner), so that the three-day-long "months" built into the preset will represent actual months. That's what I had in mind when I made this and what I did when I played my scenario, but it isn't necessary to do the same if you don't want to. If you do want to do that, though, you will need an altered Options.ini file in your user folder, since the lifestage length sliders aren't long enough in the game. It's easy to do, and instructions as to how to set up this sort of thing are on the NRaas site here.

All that said, if you want this one, you can download it here. If you don't, then another more normal preset will be along soon...ish.

[tekka-dan]

Driving tips for minors—or even seasoned—during bad weather.

So hey everyone, with the winter months approaching rapidly, I kind of wanted to address this post for my newcomer/young drivers during bad weather, because I haven’t seen something like it yet.

*I am going to be talking in favor southern states. For the mere fact that I’ve lived in the south my entire life, I know freezing temperatures in the south are comparable to walk in the parks in the northern states. With that being said, the same tips could still be useful.

1. Driving a Comfortable Speed

a. I can’t stress how important this is to you if you’re driving in bad weather. People are going to be impatient driving behind you and that’s on them. Do not go any faster than you are comfortable. Some people are used to driving in the rain, snow, ice, however if you are someone who is not do not I repeat do not go any faster than you’re comfortable with.

b. This could save your life and quite possibly everyone else’s. As I stated in my last point that some people are used to driving in bad weather, a large percentage of people remain cautious anyway. You need to be one of those people. Your destination is not going anywhere, take your time, arrive safely.

2. Car Maintenance

a. If you’re a new driver, you’re probably aware of the basic things you learn from your parents/guardians. Like; changing your oil, how to change a tire, checking your headlights—etc. However, something pretty extreme you need to understand is that when the temperatures drop, your car is susceptible to “frequent” issues. This could range from your engine light coming on all the way to your car reading low tire pressure (*I want to note here that if you’re driving an older model vehicle, say prior to 2000, those vehicles do not come with fancy desktop warnings, so in that case please do frequent check ups for those) which is normal during freezing weather.

b. When you are getting ready for work/school you need to make sure to start your car up at least twenty minutes prior to leaving. This will allow your engine to warm up, the windshields to defrost. If someone woke you up at below freezing temperatures, you’re not likely going to just hop out of bed and immediately take off, correct? Treat your car the same way.

c. Your tire pressure is subject to fluctuate. Air shrinks when it is cold. Your car tires lose pressure, but have enough volume that the tires don't entirely deflate. This will give your car that whacky reading of low pressurized tires, this in turn is a safety measure for you, check your tire pressure frequently during cold weather. Recommended pressure is usually between 30 and 35 PSI.

d. I’d say do this habit frequently, especially if you’re having your tires rotated you need to also ask them to bounce your tires, all that means is that it will accurately measure the weight of your car that sits on those tires. If your tires are not balanced you will notice a difference—constant vibration when you brake/step on the gas. It’s your tires trying to compensate for the weight of the car sitting on them.

3. Tread

a. The term tread comes from basically the layer of coating on your cars tires. Tread wares over time, so just as you would rotate your tires every 7-10,000 miles, your maintenance people need to also inform you if your tread is wearing thin/needs to replaced and quickly.

b. The thinner your tread is, the more likely you are to lose control. The reason this is dangerous in bad weather (for obvious reasons) is that because your car relies on being able to grip the pavement it is cruising on. You know that loud vibration sound you hear and feel when you’re drifting too far into to the emergency lane? That’s tread. That noise and feeling is what’s keeping your car from sliding off the road. Thin tread is a death wish in bad weather, because if it’s pouring down rain, the roads are slick, so if you’re driving at speeds of 40-60 mph, your car isn’t going to have the grip it should have to bring you to complete halt as it would on dry pavement/with better tread. Weak tread will allow water to get into the groves of your tires, this creates friction that will in turn loosen the grip your tire has on the road. So if you slammed the brake (DO NOT do this in rain) your tires are going to spin viciously but will lose their balance because they aren’t gripping the pavement which will throw you out of control. Weak/thin tread is by far the most dangerous situation you could subject yourself to (next to riding without a seatbelt).

Now that I’ve gone over a few safety/maintenance tips with you that they (probably) don’t teach you in drivers ed class, I want to cover points of actual road dangers, that could cost you your life or someone else’s. So please pay attention.

1. Black Ice

a. In grade school, you’re taught that water freezes at 32 degrees F (0 degrees C). With that knowledge in mind, you’re also taught that 32 degrees F is also severely damn cold. In souther states that’s considered freezing. You can drive in cold weather, in fact you can even drive in snow (*If you’re comfortable and absolutely experienced) however if it’s 32 degrees F and it is also raining, roads will freeze over. If your local news station/channel gives you the warning of Black Ice you need to cancel your plans for the day. Black Ice is not “I’m late to work, I’ll take it slow.” Or “My kids really need to get to school.” Black Ice is literally: https://youtu.be/x3w7awkBwmo (report to your local police station that an iced over area is a collision course so they can take proper measures to warn/aide people)

b. The reason this road hazard is so dangerous is because most people have 2WD (2 Wheel Drive) meaning that they have control over only the front tires. When those two tires encounter black ice, they lock in a fixed position, similiar to what your legs would do walking on ice, as seen in the video above. The BEST thing you can do in this situation: DO NOT BRAKE. This not something they teach in drivers ed, because immediate basic human reaction to losing control of your vehicle is to brake and I cannot stress to you enough DO NOT BRAKE ON BLACK ICE. YOU WILL LOSE CONTROL. What you CAN do is take your foot OFF the gas and turn your steering wheel WITH the way you’re sliding. IF you turn AGAINST the turn you are prone to flipping your vehicle or even tail spinning out of control, that’s called an overcorrection, this is usually what results in fatalities. When you turn WITH the glide, your car will eventually straighten out to correct itself.

c. If you’re driving 4WD (4 Wheel Drive) you’re prone to being able to correct this quicker than 2WD mainly because you have control of all four tires. If control is lost to the two front tires, it automatically engages the back end tires which is your power steering. However over exerting this force could also lead to a casualty. Your best bet is to also take your foot OFF the gas and turn with the glide, letting it correct itself.

2. Hydroplaning

a. This is by far the second most dangerous form of a road hazard, mainly because it is the one thing that’s hard to “warn” against. The only way you’ll really know what to do is by experiencing this firsthand yourself. However, I’m here to help ease that for you. Hydroplaning is basically the scenario I explained above in having weak tread, the difference being that it could also apply to having tougher/thicker tread too. Basically, it’s going through a flood of water that your tires don’t have the balance to withstand, so it loses all traction entirely which causes the car to lose control. This is why they stress to you not to brake in the rain, because your tires are prone to hydroplaning, when water works it’s way into the grooves of your tires and makes you lose traction. This is even more dangerous in puddles/trenches of water because it could also flood your engine.

b. If you or anyone is in the dire situation of hydroplaning, DO NOT BRAKE. Once again—this is actually where the fatality rates come in from over correcting. What you CAN. do is hold tightly onto the wheel, DO NOT turn with the spin, let your car glide whatever direction it is going. Reason being is that your wheels are literally off the ground during a hydroplane. (*Notice the word Plane in the term) In this situation there is nothing you can really do, except hope for the best. Your car will eventually come to rest if you are able to avoid hitting something. When that is the case, gradually ease back onto the road and by all means go as slow as you possibly can.

c. A way to avoid hydroplaning if it all means possible is that if you are approaching an intersection, start coming to a gradual halt miles back. Do not wait until you’re bumper to tail of another car to slam your brake. Hydroplaning is avoidable if you’re cautious mainly because it’s a mix of going too fast and stopping too quickly. If you avoid doing either of those in the pouring down rain, you should be safe. However, you still need to be cautious regardless.

3. Hail

a. I am going to assume that you’re aware of how hail is formed but if not: http://www.answers.com/Q/How_is_hail_formed here you go. This weather is particularly dangerous for the main reason that it’s literal balls of ice falling at 10-20 mph, 6 inches in diameter pelting against your car/windshield. If you’re caught in a hail storm while driving, your initial reaction needs to be finding cover. Most gas stations are safe to park under, some overpasses might prove safe as well—just find somewhere quickly. However if by chance you’re driving in an open area and there is no cover, your best bet is to shield yourself. Your car might be totaled but your life could be saved. It’s been documented that hail could reach large amounts of density and fall at quicker speeds, which could shatter the skull of a human. (yes, hail can actually kill someone: http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2006/04/how_dangerous_is_hail.html )If that is the case your safest bet is to stay inside of your car, ducking so if the glass layer breaks, it won’t fly into your eyes or mouth. Even if the hail was enough to shatter your windshield, being inside of your car is still safer. Why? Because that’s still a layer—a pretty thick layer too—protecting you as well as the roof above your head. Hail should not penetrate the roof of a vehicle, so if worst luck is it busting your windshield, as long as you keep your head down and covered, you should be okay. Here’s an example of bracing while in a vehicle: https://youtu.be/KiKaOHdkP9o That video gives a pretty good reaction of staying calm and also shows just how strong a windshield actually is. They are made to withstand hundreds of pounds of force, even if hail penetrates it, you’re still roughly safer inside the vehicle than outside if coverage is not available/an immediate option.

I did not include on this last Tornadoes, Hurricanes, Wildfires, Earthquakes or Tsnuami’s because those are natural disasters and in your average life span you shouldn’t need to risk your life driving through any of those frequently.

I want to stress to young/new or even seasoned drivers that these weather conditions are no joke. I don’t want to hear about a follower of mine losing their life to dangerous road conditions. Neither does your family. Please be safe and vigilant. If weather conditions frighten you by all means find other means of transportation. My first wreck on December 7th, 2013 nearly claimed my life. I was not taught any of this while in Drivers Ed when I was 15, in fact the program was removed shortly after my semester concluded. I want my followers to be safe during the holiday seasons/year round.

[dominicklfjm816-blog]

Forget Roofers near me: 10 Reasons Why You No Longer Need It

Homeowners comprehend that terrific roofing is the most exceptional safeguard for a home. A roof assists to keep out wind, rain, snow, hail, and the sun's rays. On the other hand, comprehending when to restore a roof and with what sort of roofing material is typically a intricate choice.

A new roof is a big property and it's one of the most substantial things you can produce the shelter and total worth of your residence. To attain this, a roof's exterior must be leak-proof and difficult in addition to versatile adequate to adjust to heat modifications without any cracking or otherwise losing its stability. Shingles come in many designs and are made of many varied products. They differ in their finish materials and style, however the large majority roofs are comprised of wood framing, flashing wood, roofing felt, and the surface roofing material. Lots of houses presently have modern asphalt shingles that are readily available in lots of variations that offer different looks in the shape of architectural shingles. There are likewise accessible from roofing manufacturers different roof such as steel roofing, copper roofing, slate roofing and composite roof.

A excellent deal of property owners prefer metal roofing, which uses impressive long-lasting protection, or slate roofing, which provides a enjoyable creative outside. Most homeowner just want to acquire a roof Roofers near me that is long lasting, safe, long-term and needs little to none maintenance. A bulk of the roofs are changed or fixed every ten years. In spite of the reality that this is so, after studying and thoroughly choosing your house's roofing material, you can reduce costs and expenditure by decreasing the cost of replacement and repair work. Not only is this advantageous, but discovering the exceptional type of roofing materials, you'll take in less structure material, fill less landfill space with unwanted material, and put less need on our tired natural resources.

An additional option that you are going to want to take into aspect when selecting roofing materials is how well they will fully withstand the aspects. Every single roof covering is going to endure the elements differently so it is vital to pick products that will tolerate the climate that they will be utilized in. Metal roofing materials are typically utilized on homes in locations that get a great deal of snow because they allow the snow to slide off the roof, decreasing the risk of the roof collapsing. Corrugated fiberglass roofing is also a outstanding choice for snowy environments, nevertheless for houses in really dry or desert locations it might not be the finest choice due to the fact that it tends to wear down faster when utilized in these types of environments.

Whether you wind up using metal roofing products, corrugated, tin, or some other kind of material you make certain to end up with a roof that will be long and resistant long lasting as long as you do your research when picking roofing materials. Each special system has actually got its own list of cons and pros and only you can choose on which product is going to be the most proper for the project that you are trying to begin

They differ in their coating products and design, however the huge majority roofs are made up of wood framing, flashing wood, roofing felt, and the surface area roofing material. There are likewise available from roofing makers various roofing systems such as steel roofing, copper roofing, slate roofing and composite roofing systems.

A great deal of homeowners choose metal roofing, which provides impressive long-lasting defense, or slate roofing, which provides a pleasant artistic exterior.

[stephenjwjb891-blog]

A Roof Leak Repair Success Story You'll Never Believe

House owners understand that excellent roofing is the most exceptional protect for a house. A roof helps to stay out wind, rain, snow, hail, and the sun's rays. On the other hand, comprehending when to bring back a roof and with what kind of roofing material is typically a complex option.

A brand-new roof is a substantial property and it is among the most substantial things you can make for the shelter and general worth of your home. To attain this, a roof's exterior must be leak-proof and hard in addition to versatile adequate to adapt to heat changes without any cracking or otherwise losing its stability. Shingles been available in many styles and are made from numerous diverse materials. They differ in their coating products and style, however the vast majority roofings are made up of wood framing, flashing wood, roofing felt, and the surface roofing material. Numerous homes presently have contemporary asphalt shingles that are readily available in lots of versions that provide different looks in the shape of architectural shingles. There are also accessible from roofing makers various roof such as steel roofing, copper roofing, slate roofing and composite roof.

A good offer of homeowners choose metal roofing, which uses outstanding long-term protection, or slate roofing, which gives a enjoyable artistic exterior. Many home owners just wish to purchase a roof that is durable, safe, long enduring and needs little to none upkeep. However, a bulk of the roofing systems are changed or fixed every 10 years. Despite the truth that this is so, after studying and thoroughly choosing your house's roofing product, you can lower expenses and expense by decreasing the expense of replacement and repair work. Not just is this useful, however discovering the exceptional kind of roofing products, you'll consume less structure product, fill up less garbage dump area with unwanted material, and put less demand on our exhausted natural deposits.

An additional Roof Repair option that you are going to want to take into aspect when choosing on roofing materials is how well they will completely stand up to the components. Each and every single roof covering is going to tolerate the components in a different way so it is important to pick products that will endure the environment that they will be utilized in. Metal roofing products are frequently used on homes in locations that get a great deal of snow because they allow the snow to slide off the roof, reducing the risk of the roof collapsing. Corrugated fiberglass roofing is also a exceptional option for snowy environments, however for homes in extremely dry or desert areas it might not be the finest choice because it tends to wear down faster when used in these types of environments.

Whether you wind up utilizing metal roofing products, corrugated, tin, or some other kind of material you are sure to end up with a roof that will be long and durable lasting as long as you do your research study when choosing roofing products. Each distinct system has got its own list of pros and cons and only you can pick which material is going to be the most appropriate for the task that you are attempting to start

They differ in their coating products and style, but the huge bulk roofings are made up of wood framing, flashing wood, roofing felt, and the surface area roofing material. There are also available from roofing makers various roofing systems such as steel roofing, copper roofing, slate roofing and composite roofing systems.

A great offer of property owners choose metal roofing, which offers impressive long-term security, or slate roofing, which offers a enjoyable artistic outside.

[erickbdoa011-blog]

10 Wrong Answers to Common Roofing Contractor Questions: Do You Know the Right Ones?

Property owners comprehend that terrific roofing is the most outstanding secure for a home. A roof helps to stay out wind, rain, snow, hail, and the sun's rays. On the other hand, comprehending when to restore a roof and with what kind of roofing material is usually a complicated choice.

A new roof is a big property and it is among the most substantial things you can produce the shelter and general worth of your home. To accomplish this, a roof's outside should be tough and leak-proof in addition to versatile enough to adapt to heat changes without any splitting or otherwise losing its stability. Shingles been available in numerous styles and are made of many diverse products. They differ in their covering materials and design, however the large bulk roofs are comprised of wood framing, flashing wood, roofing felt, and the surface roofing material. Numerous houses presently have contemporary asphalt shingles that are available in numerous versions that give numerous appearances in the shape of architectural shingles. There are also accessible from roofing manufacturers different roof such as steel roofing, copper roofing, slate roofing and composite roof.

A bargain of property owners choose metal roofing, which provides impressive long-term protection, or slate roofing, which gives a pleasant creative outside. Many homeowner just want to acquire a roof that is durable, safe, long enduring and requires little to none maintenance. A majority of the roofings are changed or repaired every ten years. In spite of the truth that this is so, after studying and thoroughly selecting your home's roofing product, you can decrease expenses and cost by reducing the cost of replacement and repair. Not only is this beneficial, but discovering the excellent type of roofing materials, you'll take in less structure product, fill less land fill area with unwanted material, and put less need on our exhausted natural deposits.

When deciding on roofing materials is how well they will totally stand up to the elements, an additional option that you are going to want to take into factor. Every roof covering is going to endure the elements differently so it is necessary to pick materials that will endure the climate that they will be utilized in. Metal roofing products are frequently utilized on homes in locations that get a lot of snow because they permit the snow to slide off the roof, reducing the risk of the roof collapsing. Corrugated fiberglass roofing is likewise a exceptional option for snowy climates, nevertheless for homes in really dry or desert locations it may not be the very best choice because it has a propensity to use down faster when used in these kinds of environments.

Whether you end up using metal roofing materials, corrugated, tin, or some other kind of material you are sure to wind up with a roof that will be long and resilient long lasting as long as you do your research study when choosing roofing Roofing Contractor materials. Each distinct system has actually got its own list of cons and pros and only you can pick which material is going to be the most proper for the task that you are attempting to get begun

They differ in their finishing products and design, but the vast bulk roofing systems are made up of wood framing, flashing wood, roofing felt, and the surface area roofing product. There are also accessible from roofing makers various roofing systems such as steel roofing, copper roofing, slate roofing and composite roofing systems.

A excellent deal of house owners choose metal roofing, which provides outstanding long-lasting defense, or slate roofing, which offers a enjoyable artistic exterior.

[foreversillythings]

And the Clock Kept Ticking Chapter 15

Part 1    Part 14

Part 15-Our Hearts Beat Like Drums

Madge tries to keep her breathing regular as the hovercraft carries them to Two, her heart hammering in her ears. She holds onto Katniss and Rory, fingers knotted with theirs and please let us make it out of this okay.

Leevy sits across from her, grim faced and steely eyed, Rory whispers to himself, a litany of reminders and Katniss fidgets, her leg bouncing up and down. The air in the hover craft is tense, talk hushed and Madge runs through her training, attempts to reassure herself.

we can do this

we can

*

Theirs is one of the first hovercrafts to arrive, landing in a clearing just on the outside of town. They're met by stern looking soldiers who hurry them towards a makeshift camp hidden by the side of a cliff. The ground is rough and uneven but their pace doesn't slow, a tinge of fear in every step they take. Their guides' eyes flicker to and fro, as if expecting trouble and Madge gives up trying to calm her racing heart.

"Hurry up, this way," the man in front of them urges, herding them beneath the relative shelter of the cliff. The sky is pale, sun nearly white and illuminating pearly clouds and Madge tries to find courage in daylight, but she's old enough now to know monsters don't just hide in the dark. More hovercrafts continue to land, the morning air humming with the sound but then another noise, impossibly loud, shatters the day. It's gunfire, except not, cannon fire but worse, anti aircraft guns! someone shrieks and oh.

"Get down!" comes a scream and Madge drops, huddles by a tent pole and it's like the end of Twelve all over again, the whole world coming apart at the seams. She covers her ears with her hands and forces her eyes open, needs to make sure Rory and Katniss are nearby. Instead, Madge watches one of their hovercrafts explodes, burning in the sky like a new sun and the sound it makes is beyond words, horror settling in her stomach like a cold stone. And then another and another, hovercrafts painting the sky like fireworks and she can feel terror flowing through her, hot and scalding.

no

How many people were aboard those hovercrafts? How many people have died without even stepping foot on the battlefield?

And still the hovercrafts come, some managing to land even amidst the barrage of death but most blooming into great clouds of fire, raining ashes and debris down on District Two. She can't hear any screaming, at least not with her ears, but she can feel it in her bones, an endless screech of fear and pain. Someone grabs her arm, fingers tight enough to bruise but Madge barely registers it, body numb with panic.

"We're all going to die," someone wails or maybe that's the voice in Madge's head, but it doesn't really matter.

She's pretty sure they're right.

*

("So much for the element of surprise," someone grumbles and Madge almost vomits)

(people, so many people, are dead)

(you'd never know from the way some of these soldiers are reacting)

(maybe Snow’s winning after all)

*

Their commanding officer, Lyme, is a tall, imposing woman.

Madge feels like a little girl in her presence, a kid afraid of being scolded. Commander Lyme prowls in front of them, pacing back and forth and Madge tries her best to stand up straight, keep her spine stiff instead of wilting under the commander‘s stern eyes.

“District Two is our gateway to the Capitol. This battle will be more important than any we’ve had so far,” Commander Lyme declares as she casts shrewd eyes over each of them and stops her pacing. “Remember your training; do not bend to the Capitols machine of fear. Panem will soon be ours again, believe that.”

I do, Madge can’t help but think, I do.

*

There’s a buzzing in Madge’s ears, a rising hum of panic she forces as far down as she can. They’re moving out, finally, marching off to their positions for the siege of Two and Madge feels like her legs will give out with every quivering step.

be brave, be brave, be brave she tells herself, but still her nerves shiver and shake. Rory walks beside her, hushed voice running with constant reminders and tips, preparations for the terror to come and she remembers when she first met him, remembers it like a distant dream. He was so young, still is, and she wants to drag him home, hide him away somewhere safe. But that’s why they’re here, Rory, her brother, that little boy who’s grown up too much, too fast and her, because there is nowhere safe, not in Snow’s Panem.

Katniss stands by her other side, face drawn and eyes dark and Madge wonders if winning this war will lighten those shadows, carry away some of the weight on her shoulders. So many terrible things have already happened; can victory really wash them all away?

(she’s pretty sure she knows the answer)

They come to a stop on the southern outskirts of Two and slowly file into position to await the signal to attack. They crouch down, hidden by a natural sloping of the ground and Madge’s hands are already slippery with sweat. The grass here is sparse and yellow, the sky a dull sort of blue and Madge runs through everything she knows of District Two. They’re a mining district just like Twelve. They’re the main supplier of peacekeepers to the Capitol. They‘re the district that has always been closest to Snow, the one with the tightest binds of loyalty. Two is sure to put up a major fight and Madge swallows, her throat dry. She peeks out over their little hill, takes in the sight of The Fringe, District Two’s version of The Seam. Ramshackle wooden houses with dirty windows, scraggly lawns and chipping paint, she could almost be home.

(but home is gone, burnt away by the Capitol)

(Madge tries not to think about what she’s doing here, waiting to burn these homes to the ground, to do just what the Capitol did to her)

She prays the battle will be quick, hopes Two will surrender without much war and bloodshed. Madge isn’t very confident in that, but even so, she’s never been one to give up on hope, no matter how foolish.

*

They wait for days or minutes or years for a signal to come, but it never does.

(that soldier from earlier was right, they’d lost the element of surprise)

(and now they’d pay for it)

The only call to action they get is a hail of gunfire, spitting out from behind them. People scream, panic, run and Katniss shoulders Madge to the ground, bullets burying themselves in the hill above her. Dirt rains down on her head and Rory is shouting, voice lost in the cacophony of chaos. Their squad splinters, scrambling off in opposite directions and Madge claws her way up, knows they need to find better cover. She looks around wildly, but there’s nowhere to go, nothing but peacekeepers and open fields.

The Fringe!

The thought springs to her mind and of course, of course. There’ll be plenty of cover there, a much higher chance of losing the peacekeepers. There might be civilians though and the thought makes her wilt, but no, they don’t have a choice. She hadn’t noticed a single sign of life when she’d been watching, has to believe all the people have been evacuated.

Madge lurches upwards, driven by adrenaline and grabs the strap across Rory’s shoulder, knows he’ll never hear her if she tries to speak. She tugs hard to get his attention and gestures towards the Fringe, mouths the word run. He frowns, shakes his head, probably wants to argue but they don’t have time for that. She grabs a hold of the pack on his back with both hands and yanks, the unexpectedness of the move nearly knocking him off his feet.

“Go!” she yells and ducks down as more gunfire sprays over them. She crawls on her stomach over to Katniss, hooks a finger in the leg of her pants and pulls. Katniss flicks an eye in her direction and Madge jerks her head towards the Fringe, her lips moving in words even she can’t hear. Katniss bites her lip but then nods, sliding down so she’s level with Madge.

“Toss a grenade for cover and we’ll climb over the hill and make a run for it,” Katniss tells her, yelling but sounding like a whisper. Madge nods and reaches for one, Katniss still firing at their attackers. Madge pulls the pin and throws it, refuses to think of the people she may be catching in the blast. The explosion nearly deafens her, the ground shaking but Katniss is already standing, hauling Madge after her. They clamber over the hill and down the other side, Madge’s whole body made of pudding. Rory is waiting for them and Madge doesn’t know who says “Run!” but someone does and they’re all running, angry shouts and bullets hounding their footsteps.

The gunfire grows louder, like it‘s just behind them and Madge feels fear tighten in her chest. Just don’t stop running. Rory reaches the Fringe first and ducks between two narrow houses, Madge turning the opposite way down the main road. They’ll have to split up and find their way back to each other, can‘t risk all going the same way and having the Peacekeepers follow after. She can’t hear herself over her jackhammer heart and her body moves on instinct, dodging this way and that, hoping to lose anyone that might be tailing her.

Rory, Katniss, we’ll find each other again.

I know we will.

*

Madge whips around a corner and stops, presses her back against the wall of a nearby house. She peeks quickly back the way she came but can’t see any pursuers, may finally have shaken them off. She takes a moment to catch her breath and then pushes off, has to track down the others.

She creeps through Two, her hands clenched around her gun. Peacekeepers might be anywhere and she has to stay alert, feels like her every pore is on fire. Adrenaline is like liquid lightning, jolting through her at a million miles per second. Stay focused, stay calm, find Rory and Katniss. She hears gunfire in the distance and freezes, but then forces herself to go on. Be brave.

She walks with no sense of time, no idea how long it’s been. Where are you? she wants to scream but can’t, needs to keep looking. Hyper alert ears hear the sound of feet on gravel and Madge stops, flattening herself against the nearest wall. She quiets her breathing, eyes trained on the direction those feet are coming from and she aims, trains her weapon on the narrow opening between two houses. Who is it? Training plays on a loop in her head, every lesson running a marathon through her brain. It’s going to be okay, you can do thi-

Madge almost screams at the sight of him, not words, just sounds strangled by feeling. Instead she tumbles towards him, feet crunching over rocks and broken glass. Rory mouths her name but is smart enough not to say it and they meet in a cloud of kicked up dust, her eyes stinging from dirt and tears. It’s not so much a hug as it is a mushing of bodies, lumpy gear jabbing each other painfully. It’s quick because time is always running so far ahead of them and they hurry for cover, fingers knotted in each other’s sleeves.

Rory finds a door with a broken lock and they sneak inside someone’s hollow home, all shadows and left behind memories. They move without having to plan it out loud, Rory dragging a springless sofa in front of the door, Madge closing ratty curtains. Rory sits on the couch, sinks low into the cushions and Madge is sure the peacekeepers will trace them by the thunder beat of her heart. She shuffles over to sit beside him, the seat wilting beneath her weight and she looks at him, a smudged coal drawing in the dark.

“What’s the plan?” he whispers and Madge pushes her tongue against her teeth. What is the plan?

“Any idea how many peacekeepers are out there?” she eventually responds, the silence a bit too much like a noose. He shakes his head. Madge drums her fingers on her leg. What’s the plan? She stands and peeks out a window at the street, notes the narrow alleys at either end.

“Okay,” she starts, turning back to Rory with determination weighing in her bones. “We have a good vantage point from these windows for each end of the street. If we can lure the peacekeepers here, they’ll bottleneck and we might be able to pick them off, or at least thin them out.”

Her words are sure but her throat is dry and Rory nods, tongue running over his lips. Of course, how exactly they’re going to lure the peacekeepers is another question. Rory gives her a thoughtful look.

“How do you feel about explosions?”

*

“Ready?” Rory asks, not bothering to whisper anymore. After all, they want the peacekeepers to find them now. Madge looks at him and his face is shiny with sweat, there’s dirt beneath her nails but we can do this. She nods.

The blast rocks the street and Madge grits her teeth, crouched behind the furniture they’d pushed against the walls as extra cover. With her ears still ringing, she jumps up and pops open her window, trusts that Rory is doing the same. She trains her gun on her end of the street and tries to calm her hectic breathing. She fails.

“So now we wait,” comes Rory’s voice and Madge nods.

Now they wait.

*

They arrive on Rory’s side first.

Madge nearly jumps out of her skin when he opens fire and forces herself to stay focused on her side of the street. Her ears shake and shudder with the sounds of death and gunfire, her teeth biting down into her lip. Stay focused, don’t look. Sweat slides over her skin, stretched so tight it might snap apart any minute.

“Fuck,” Rory swears and Madge almost turns, is half a second from going to help when peacekeepers start to file in from her side of the street. Panic, so hot it’s almost cold, spills from her head into the rest of her, filling her up from top to bottom. She pulls the trigger with slick fingers and the kick back rattles her organs. Madge has never shot a real person before, tries not to focus on the fact that she’s killing someone’s child, sibling, parent, spouse. There’s a loud, angry lion roar in her ears, drowning out the world and she remembers Janah Malleefowl and a smoking gun, tries not to remember her body in the street.

The peacekeepers return fire and Madge ducks, bullets piercing weak wooden walls and lodging in her furniture barricades. Then she’s up, firing, taking cover and up again. A few bullets come so close she can feel their heat and even a few peacekeepers creep near, but she refuses to think about that, does what she needs to make it out alive. She moves like a machine, her training working without conscious thought. Don’t think, just do.

She pulls the trigger and nothing comes out, her gun empty and she drops down to her knees, tries to numb the fear in her blood as she reloads. When she stands there’s a peacekeeper so close to her window she could reach out and touch him, the white of his armour glowing in the midday sun. For a second Madge is blind from both the glare and the memory of peacekeepers in the sun, fists and boots tattooing her skin. She’s saved only because the peacekeeper in front of her didn’t expect her to stand so suddenly, isn’t quite ready to fire. Madge pulls the trigger and her bullet buries deep in his armour (his and all of theirs, all those peacekeepers she can never forget), blood spraying out and she can taste it in her mouth. Her stomach roils with heat but she doesn’t have time for that right now.

Win, you have to win

*

She could have been there for years when the last peacekeeper falls, her gun nearly slipping from trembling hands. It takes her a minute to hear it over the bang, bang, bang of her heart against her ribs but Rory’s stopped shooting too. Madge turns to him with a quivering smile, relief like water over burnt skin. We did it!

But Rory isn’t smiling as he turns and time seems to slow down, seconds stretching into hours. There’s a frown on his face, red, red, red spreading across his shirt and...no.

Madge would scream but can’t, words choked in her throat.

Rory’s been shot.

*

She can’t breathe and Rory wavers as he touches his wound, fingers coming away scarlet. He slumps sideways, shoulder knocking into the wall and slides down to the floor. Madge trips towards him, her knees cracking angrily against the floor. She ignores the pain and crawls over to him, her hands shaky as she grabs his elbow, curls one hand around his wrist.

“Rory,” she murmurs, doesn’t know what to say.

“How...how bad is it?” he mumbles, voice rising and fading. Madge swallows. She can’t tell through all his clothes, can only see the blood, so, so much blood.

“Here,” she whispers, taking his hand, “put pressure on it. I’m going to see if I can find any first aid supplies.”

Madge stands on quaking legs and has to take a moment to breathe, to relax. It’s going to be okay. Rory’s going to be okay. She goes to the bathroom first, the house here laid out similar to her own. She ignores the homesickness as she grabs every clean towel she can find, has to stay focused on Rory. They don’t seem to have any bandages or disinfectant, but Madge can’t tell if they never did or took it with them when they left. She shakes her head. Not that it really matters, what matters is there’s none. She goes to the kitchen and fills a bowl with water from the sink, needs something at least to clean him up. She settles down beside him again and can’t really tell in the gloom, but she thinks he may be getting paler.

“So?” he asks as she pulls away his hand, his fingers already stained red.

“Don’t move, I’m going to have to cut away some of your shirt.”

He nods weakly and Madge feels her rib cage tighten. She pulls out her knife and forces her hand to steady as she cuts the fabric around the gunshot wound. His blood is thick and dark, oozing steadily out of him and Madge feels a little like puking. She uses her hands to tear his shirt a bit more and then exhales loudly, the whole bloody mess exposed. It’s on his left side, just missing where she thinks his kidney should be. She puts a hand on his shoulder and gently leans him forward, but sees no exit wound on his back.

“I think the bullet’s still inside you,” she tells him, that thought like a boulder in her gut.

Rory laughs painfully. “Well, shit. You’ll have to...take it out.”

Madge shakes her head quickly, a panicky feeling filling her lungs.

“I can’t, I’ll make it worse.”

“I’ve been shot, I’m not sure...it gets worse.”

Madge bites her lip. You could die, she thinks but doesn’t say. She inhales a shaky breath and places a clean towel in his hand.

“Keep up the pressure,” she tells him and he watches her through half closed eyes. Her whole body trembles as she goes to the sink to clean her knife. She scrubs at her fingers, her nails, her knife with dish soap, eyes welling with tears. She’s no surgeon, knows only the most basic first aid and they need Prim, someone, anyone, who could save Rory. What if I make it worse? She grabs a wooden spoon on the way back and kneels in front of him smelling strongly of lemons. She takes a few deep breaths in the hopes of steadying herself. It doesn’t work.

“Are you sure about this?” she asks and he nods weakly.

“I’m not...gunna lie, I’ve forgotten most of what Prim taught me about emergency first aid, but...I’m pretty sure leaving the bullet in there’s not a good idea...And hey, if this goes terribly wrong and we should have left it in, you can...totally blame me. My bad,” Rory says and tries to smile but Madge can’t return it. He nods again and removes the towel from his wound, Madge flinching at the sight of it. She squeezes the handle of her knife, doesn’t even know where to begin.

“It’s okay,” Rory whispers, “I know...you can do it.”

Madge swallows.

“Here,” she mumbles, placing the spoon between his teeth and for the first time, she can see the worry bright in his eyes. She bends down to get eye level with his wound and leans in close, feels sick as she tries to see the bullet. It’s too far in, not to mention too dark and she leans back, stomach rolling. She scoots in closer and Rory closes his eyes, unable to watch.

“Ready?” she asks, grabbing his shoulder to steady him and he nods jerkily. Slowly, carefully, she inserts her knife into his wound, hoping she’ll hit the bullet with the blade. It’s probably a terrible idea, but she has no idea what else to do. Rory tenses under her fingers, teeth digging into the spoon. He grunts in obvious pain, eyes screwed up and nose wrinkled but Madge keeps going, can’t stop now. And then finally, she feels it.

“Got it,” she breathes in triumph and pulls out the knife, Rory wincing. “Got it,” she repeats and figures she’ll give him a minute to recover. He’s breathing heavily and she realizes there’s no way she’ll be able to dig out a bullet from his wound, it’s too small and narrow. She bites her lip.

“If you want me to take it out, I’ll have to make the opening bigger.”

He exhales loudly and leans his head back.

“Do it.”

Madge nods. She takes his shoulder again and Rory clenches his teeth around the spoon. Her knife is steady even if her heart isn’t when she starts to cut into his skin, widening the bullet wound. Rory groans, hands tightening into fists. I’m sorry.

She puts down her knife, the first part of her job done and closes her eyes for a moment. You can do this. She looks at his face, his grimace of pain and then plunges two fingers into his side. He yelps around the spoon and she frowns in sympathy, sorry running over and over through her mind. He is warm and wet, or at least his insides are and Madge fights down the rising tide of bile.

Rory needs me.

She feels it then, fingers grasping at the bullet slippery with Rory. It tries to get away from her but she doesn’t give up, forces it to come out and Rory hisses as her fingers leave his body. The bullet, so tiny but so dangerous, slips from her fingers to the floor as Rory spits out his spoon.

“Fuck” he moans, “fuck fuck fuck”.

“I’m sorry,” she says around a sob, mopping at his wound with a wet towel. There are tears in the corners of his eyes and his breath hisses out of him like steam. She takes another towel, this one clean and dry and places his hand over it.

“Come on, we need to keep up the pressure and stop the bleeding.”

Rory nods and pushes down on the towel with shaking fingers.

“Thanks,” he breathes, voice so very faint. “That fucking sucked. Don’t...don’t ever try it.”

Madge half-laughs, half-sobs.

“I won’t.”

I hope.

*

(the battle for District Two wages on, peacekeepers overwhelmed by the sheer number of rebels, all ready to die for their freedom)

(Snow receives dispatches in his Capitol, of rebel footholds, of dead peacekeepers and defectors, Two’s citizens who aren’t so keen to fight for a king they’ve never met)

(resistance members are slaughtered in droves but still they come, cannot, will not give up)

(it is a war heavy on casualties, but slowly, Two falls)

*

The sun travels to the other side of the house, casting them in even deeper shadows and Madge pulls her gaze away from a collection of family photos on the wall to check on Rory.

He’s bled through his towel again and she feels helplessness strangle her heart, because she has no idea what she’s supposed to do. She gives him a fresh one and he offers her a fragile smile, his skin graying.

“I’m...good,” he answers her unspoken question and she doesn’t believe it for a second. She touches his cheek and he coughs violently, his whole body convulsing. Madge grabs him and holds him, his horrible hacking echoing in her ear. His forehead leans on her chin and she keeps him close, tries to keep him together through the spasms. He flops backwards when he’s done, nearly boneless and Madge looks down to find almost-black blood clots in her lap.

She blinks and then stands on unsteady legs, hurries over to the bathroom. The vomit comes quick and hot, scalding its way up her throat. She grips the edge of the toilet bowl as she heaves, her insides seeming determined to be on the outside. She stays like that for a moment after she’s done and then forces herself up. Rory needs her to hold herself together and she turns on the faucet, ignores her reflection as she scrubs away his blood.

Someone’s going to find us soon, they have to.

The sun burns orange through a window as Madge makes her way back into the living room, nausea swirling in her gut. She goes to kneel beside Rory and something’s wrong. His hand is no longer applying pressure, lies useless instead, his whole body mostly limp. His head lolls a bit to the side, breathing shallow and Madge feels fear start to burst in her brain.

“Rory, hey, wake up, don’t fall asleep. Stay with me,” she begs, grabbing his shoulders and his eyelids flutter but don’t quite open. Madge almost panics but forces it down and threads her fingers through his and pushes down, won’t let him bleed out on the floor.

“Talk to me Rory, tell me a story,” she insists and he gurgles a little. She squeezes his hand and moves up against his side, presses herself as close to him as she can. “Please, Rory, talk to me,” she whispers against his ear.

“I’m o...kay” he manages, voice thin but there and Madge buries her face in his shoulder. She can feel his every shuddery breath and places a hand over his heart, needs to feel it beating. She needs to keep him awake, needs to keep him conscious.

“Keep talking, you need to keep talking, okay?”

He nods and forces his head upright, the strain clear in all his muscles.

“Sor...ry. What should I...say?” he asks, sounding exhausted.

“Anything. A secret, something nobody else knows.”

He pauses and Madge is almost afraid he’s passed out when “Birds,” he mumbles and Madge blinks.

“Birds?”

“Bi...rds freak me...freak me out,” he forces past his lips and Madge feels her eyebrows go up.

“I’ve never...never told anyone, could you...could you imagine if Vick found out?  He’d never’ve....let that go...right?”

Madge nods, a small smile touching her lips.

“He and Gale...hah, they’d have loved to know....I’d never hear the...end of it...”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she promises.

“I...I told Peony,” he admits and Madge squeezes his fingers again. “I always, always wanted to...go out into the woods with Gale, but...fuck, those birds. They were...just so...creepy. She didn’t laugh though...she was terrified of...fish, can you believe it? Fish.”

He takes a pause to catch his breath, body rattling and Madge tightens her grip on him.

“I took her...to the pond when...when we were fifteen, I...I think. She spent...a half hour or something, just...standing at the edge, afraid she’d see one. She got...knee deep and then...screamed, sure she’d felt one...I’ve never...never seen someone move so quick. Fuck...she’d be so pissed I told you...”

Rory smiles a little bit and Madge feels her own widen.

“Vick...Vick would be so angry right now. He and Posy...they’d give me so much shit for getting...shot like this. Hah...they’d be so mad...”

Madge’s eyes sting with tears, her whole body sagging.

“And Peony...and Prim, they used to...do one hell of a...of a tag team. I’d be in so much...trouble...”

Madge sniffles and sits up to get a new towel, the current one soaked through with blood. Rory inhales a few times, the sound of it wet and rattling.

“I wish...I wish they were here to...yell at me,” he admits quietly, eyes downcast and Madge squeezes the towel in her hands. “I...miss them. Vick and...and Peony. I miss them...”

“I know,” she whispers, tries to stem the blood flow with a clean towel. “I know you do.”

He nods, breathing so laboured Madge can barely hear it, but she does, just, just manages to. There’s something, someone, many someones outside, footsteps carefully stepping on the dirt street. She tenses, fingers tightening on her gun but then deflates like an old balloon.

The door opens and standing there, lit up like a superhero by the setting sun, is Katniss.

Madge bursts into tears.

*

Medics swarm over Rory like buzzing bees and Madge leans against a wall with weak knees. He’ll be okay now, they’ll make him okay. Katniss comes to stand beside her and doesn’t say anything, just places a hand on Madge’s shoulder and squeezes. Madge wipes at a few tears still dribbling down her cheeks and puts her hand on top of Katniss’. We’re all okay.

“That’s one hell of a graveyard out there,” Katniss says and Madge had nearly forgotten about all the peacekeepers she’d killed, had been so entirely wrapped up in Rory. She doesn’t know what to say, so she just nods instead, wonders if it made any difference in the grand scheme of things.

“Most of Two is ours,” Katniss continues and Madge feels a little lightheaded. “The remaining enemy forces have gone to hide in the mines.”

Madge closes her eyes.

“Do we have any ideas how to get them out?” she asks and Katniss shrugs.

“I’m sure the people in charge are figuring it out. We’re just grunts, no one tells us anything.”

Madge nods again and peeks over in Rory’s direction. She can only make out his left foot, everything else blocked by busy medics but that foot’s enough. He’s okay she tells herself again, desperate for the reassurance.

He’s okay.

*

The next morning Rory is sent away to an impromptu hospital while Madge and Katniss march back to war, ready to stamp out the last of Two’s defenders. The rebel forces converge on the “Nut” the mining mountain where their enemies have taken refuge and Madge hopes they’ll surrender without a fight, but she isn’t holding her breath.

The columns of soldiers shift restlessly and Commander Lyme steps forward, a megaphone clamped firmly in her fist. A tense hush falls over the crowd and Madge can feel her heart pounding, beating up in her throat.

“This is Commander Lyme, representing President Coin and the United Army of Panem. We have no further wish for bloodshed and so, we are willing to offer amnesty to each one of you. Surrender now and come out without your arms and you will not be harmed. I myself am from District Two, and I promise you, I have no wish to spill anymore of our blood.”

Her words echo around the district and no one breathes, waiting for Two’s response.

“This is your last chance, if you do not come out, we will use force and show no mercy. Surrender now.”

Again, her words are met by only silence and Madge feels tight all over, her every nerve about to snap. They wait a few moments, just in case, and then Commander Lyme shakes her head. She lowers her megaphone and steps back, a grim expression on her face. Madge can feel apprehension gnawing at her, lowering over her shoulders like a blanket.

“Brace yourselves!” Commander Lyme suddenly bellows and Madge looks at Katniss in question. Brace ourselves? For what?

(for the very end of district two)

*

The Nut erupts like a volcano, fire shooting from all directions.

Madge screams and she isn’t the only one, the ground bucking beneath their feet. Dirt and rocks burst into the sky, raining down on the soldiers cowering outside, their pale faces making it clear none of them saw this coming. Blast after blast demolishes the Nut, anyone and everyone inside and no mercy Commander Lyme had said and clearly, she’d meant it.

Hovercrafts rumble in the sky, dropping more death on the Nut while bombs somehow hidden inside continue to go off, President Coin’s war machine taking no chances. Dust clouds and pebbles shower down on her and Madge can’t scream anymore, feels numb as the explosions continue, reducing the mountain to rubble and destroying the Capitol’s last allies in the Districts.

She watches fire kiss the clouds, imagines the screams of those burning away inside their sanctuary turned tomb. That’s enough she wants to wail, but doesn’t, maybe isn’t as compassionate as she wants to believe.

(that’s enough, but is it? Is it? asks the darkness in her heart)

(Madge doesn’t listen for the answer)

*

District Two is done, they’ve won and Madge is hard and cold all over.

She can’t imagine victory is meant to feel like this.

*

The so-called hospital smells like so many things Madge wishes she could ignore, lights dim and grimy. It’s understaffed, underequipped but it’s better than nothing and that’s what she keeps telling herself as she sits by a slumbering Rory’s bedside, his limp fingers clammy in hers. She’d love to sleep too, feels like she could for a whole year, but she’s afraid to close her eyes, afraid of what she might wake up to. The medics had patched him up as best they could, but he’s still breathing heavy, his skin far too pale. She kisses his grimy knuckles and please be okay Rory, please, please be okay.

“I found Leevy,” Katniss reports, coming up behind her and Madge sighs with relief.

“Is she okay?”

Katniss comes around to the end of Rory’s bed and nods. “She broke her arm, but otherwise, she’ll be okay.”

They both stare down at Rory, the struggling rise and fall of his chest.

“I heard a rumour too,” Katniss begins and Madge tears her eyes away from Rory.

“About what?”

Katniss manages a smile, tired and a little rough in the corners. “That we’ll be going home soon.”

Home

Madge feels her tiredness start to melt away.

We’re going home.

*

Madge holds Rory’s hand the whole way back to Thirteen, promises she‘ll never ever let go.

*

Everyone is herded to Thirteen’s overcrowded infirmary when they arrive, no matter how many times they protest they’re alright. Madge has no injuries that need tending, she just needs home, but no one listens. She shuffles alongside those in desperate need of care and daydreams of a shower, her own bed, her family.

Medics, nurses and doctors are waiting for them as they reach the infirmary and quickly begin sorting through them. Madge and Katniss are pushed off to one side, no immediate threats to their health while Leevy and Rory are pulled another way, in need of proper medical attention. Madge sinks to the floor between a box of bandages and a table covered in sterilized tools and leans her forehead on her knees, tired like she’s never been before. She can see Maysie against her eyelids, Gale, her father, Prim and the Hawthornes. Soon, she thinks to herself, soon we’ll be together again.

Time moves or doesn’t, Madge can’t quite be sure. Eventually nurses come to examine them, make sure they really are alright. There’s no available beds so they do their work right there in the corner and Madge keeps her eyes closed as she waits for her turn. I hope Rory’s doing alright.

“Madge,” Katniss hisses, kicking her in the ankle and Madge’s head pops up, assuming it’s her turn. But the nurse is still two people away and then Madge follows Katniss’ line of sight and feels her chest burn suddenly hot.

Gale

He’s standing in the midst of a flurry of activity, her heart pounding out his name. He says hers and she hears it even though he’s much too far away, feels invigorated and refreshed at just the sight of him. She stands and keeps her eyes locked with his, never once looks away and the whole world around them seems to blur, no longer mattering. She walks to him and straight into his embrace, folds into his chest like she’d never left.

“You’re back,” Gale whispers and Madge smiles into his shoulder.

I’m back.

*

Holding Maysilee is better than any medicine, salve or balm, soothes and reassures Madge like nothing else ever could. She feels alive again as she holds her daughter, feels courage and strength pounding through her blood.

“I love you,” she whispers though her tears and this is why she fights, why she has to win.

For Maysilee, Madge thinks she could do anything.

Anything at all.

*

There’s a heap of clothing on the floor and Madge lies on her back in bed, eyes closed and body humming. Gale lies on his side beside her, propped up on an elbow and she can feel him looking at her, kissing her all over with his eyes. The room is dim, her breathing slow and home is not so much a place as a feeling, like a fire boiling her blood.

“They started planning the Capitol invasion the second they heard Two had fallen,” Gale whispers, goose bumps following his fingertips across her skin.

“You’re going,” she murmurs, opening her eyes. Gale nods and his hands stop, a burning hot trail remembering where they’d been.

“This is it,” he tells her and she knows it, feels it like a storm in her chest. She reaches for his face and pulls him down to her, fills herself with Gale, entirely and completely. This is it his voice echoes as he touches her inside and out, this is the end her heart whispers back.

Soon, this will all be over.

(but for who?)

*

Her father stops by before breakfast the next day, eyes wet and shining.

“Madge,” he breathes when she opens the door and she smiles, her own eyes starting to fill with tears.

“Daddy.”

Neither one of them says anything else, they simply fall into each other’s arms and hold each other tight. Madge laughs into his shoulder as he squeezes her and there’s something magical in this moment, something bright and warm and right.

Are you watching Mama? Us Undersees, we’re going to be okay. We’re going to make it, I promise.

And if she listens with her heart instead of her ears, she’s pretty sure she can hear her mother say I know.

*

Madge has to settle back into her regular routine and it feels so strange, because everything is different now, but also just the same. She works and trains, nightmares nibbling at her mind, memories and could-have-beens lodging in her chest and freezing her all over like ice. Gunfire and blood, Rory’s gray skin, explosions rattling her bones, they’ve taken root inside her but outside everything goes along as it has for months and months, monotonous and never changing. Coin’s daily briefings greet them in the mornings, schedules dictate their every waking hour and everybody just plods along, even as Madge’s whole world tilts a bit on its axis.

Maybe nothing’s changed, she thinks as she stirs her pudding at dinner, maybe I’m the only one who’s different. It’s a bit disorienting, a bit like drifting out to sea but every time she needs an anchor to keep her steady, there’s Maysie tottering on unsteady legs across their room, Gale’s body warm against hers in bed, Posy’s excited whisper at supper, Prim’s gentle hands, her father’s tender smile, Katniss’ steely determination, Peeta’s silly jokes, Hazelle’s comforting eyes, Annie greeting her at breakfast with a breathless “I’m so glad you’re alright”.

There’s a storm raging inside but Madge knows it will pass, the people she loves like sunshine peeking through clouds.

We’re going to be okay.

Deep down in her heart, she believes it. That’s something not even going to war can change.

*

Madge goes with the Hawthornes to visit Rory, feels an odd sort of fear pooling in her gut. She knows he’s okay, on the road to recovery and still it builds, weighing down her limbs. Posy charges ahead of them, barging into the infirmary with determination blazing in her eyes and Hazelle follows after. Madge lags a bit behind with Gale, that odd worry chewing on her skin.

“Something wrong?” Gale asks and she shakes her heads, even as acid crashes against the walls of her stomach. Why am I so nervous? They head inside and the place is crowded with patients and their families, the cost of Two’s liberation a heavy one.

“Looking for Rory?”

Madge turns around and Prim stands behind her, eyes shadowed with exhaustion. She’s pale too, hair dull and Madge thinks she needs a break, but then, they all do. Gale turns too and smiles at Prim.

“Yeah, hope he hasn’t been causing you too much trouble.”

Prim laughs thinly, her eyes not lighting up like they used to.

“He’s been great. Well, aside from constantly trying to convince everyone he’s fine to go home that is.”

Gale grins.

“That definitely sounds like him. So, where is the menace?”

Prim’s smile is weak as she points to their right.

“He’ll be along the wall over there. I’d go with you, but I’ve got so much work to do...”

Madge squeezes her arm.

“When are you off?”

“Umm, I don’t know, uh...I haven’t gone home in two days, but we lost so many in Two...” Prim trails off and Madge pulls her in for a quick hug.

“Get some rest Prim,” she pleads and Prim nods against her shoulder.

“I’m okay, really. Now go on, Rory’s waiting.”

Madge and Gale watch Prim as she slouches off into the crowd, hearts heavy.

“She’s an Everdeen, they’re tough. She’ll be okay,” Gale says and Madge nods, wishes she could believe it. They head in the direction Prim pointed, past so many beds of injured men and women, before they see the Hawthornes. Rory is sitting up in bed, colour back in his cheeks and Madge feels some of her tension ease. But she still can’t shake the image of him, limp and nearly lifeless in her arms. She tries to shake her head to clear it and Hazelle pulls Rory in for a hug, holds him so long it’s like she’ll never let go.

“I’m alright, Ma, really. Prim’s taken good care of me.”

Hazelle nods and releases him, except his hand, kept tight in hers. Posy glares at Rory, arms folded across her chest.

“You’re a jerk,” she pronounces and Rory grins.

“Ah, just the homecoming I dreamed of.”

“Really,” Posy insists, fighting the gathering tears in her eyes. “I’d never, ever forgive you if you got yourself killed.”

Rory’s smile softens and he reaches his hand out to hers, squeezes her fingers. “I know.”

Posy nods and bites down on her bottom lip. Her eyes blur with tears and then she flings herself on him, blubbering on his shoulder in a snotty mess.

“Ah come on Posy, I’m okay,” Rory says, patting her back.

“Shut up,” she replies and sits back, rubbing furiously at her eyes. Hazelle wraps an arm around Posy’s shoulders and Rory takes note of Gale and Madge.

“Posy’s right, you are a jerk,” Gale says shaking his head, a small smile on his lips.

“Hey, you got blown up. I don’t think this is quite as bad as that,” Rory counters with a smirk and Madge feels a knot in her chest start to loosen. This is the Rory she remembers, the one they’d missed for so long. Gale rolls his eyes and sits in a chair by Rory’s bedside.

“So, what? Every time I complain about someone doing something, you guys are gunna throw that in my face?”

“Duh.”

Posy giggles a little, Hazelle’s eyes shine and Madge feels a little like she’s floating. Rory looks over at her and smiles warmly, less the little boy who lost everything, and more the handsome young man he should’ve been allowed to be.

“I’m glad you were there with me,” he says, taking her hand and Madge feels tears build in her eyes. She wishes she didn’t always cry but this is one habit she can’t seem to break.

“Me too,” she mumbles and Rory grins, that old, old Rory grin, full of mischief and good cheer.

“My hero,” Rory teases with his voice, his eyes bright and sincere and then Madge grabs him, sobbing ridiculously into his chest. Gale laughs and then his arms are around them both, Posy and Hazelle soon joining in.

(and with her eyes closed, she could swear Vick was here too)

*

Preparations begin in earnest, plans drawn up for the final siege.

A manic energy infuses the walls of District Thirteen, breathes life into the people hemmed in underground.

(soon, soon)

*

“So, I’ll be going to the Capitol instead of Leevy,” Thom tells them with a grin over lunch a few days later, Leevy, her arm bound up in a sling, nodding along. Gale sighs dramatically.

“Guess we should say our last goodbyes now,” he tells Madge and Thom rolls his eyes.

“You’re the one who blew up last time,” he retorts, words softened by a grin. Gale opens his mouth to reply but Leevy gets there first.

“How about you watch each other’s backs,” she says and Madge can’t help but nod.

Bring each other home.

Please.

*

Days tick down into hours, their day of reckoning creeping ever closer.

Soon, soon is the promise roaring in the walls of Thirteen, their rebellion ready for its final test.

Soon

*

Gale holds Maysilee in his arms, whispers softly to her and Madge leans against him, presses her cheek to his shoulder. Maysie sleeps soundly and Gale's voice is tender as he talks to her, reassurances and promises in every word.

...when this is over, I'll teach you to swim, to lay the perfect snare...

...we'll go home to Twelve, you'll love the woods...

...I'll remind you when you're older, but always listen to your Nana's advice. You can ignore Uncle Rory and Aunt Posy though...

...I love you...

Madge sighs into his skin, wants to stretch this night out for years. Instead, they have only a handful of hours before he's gone and she closes her eyes, lets the sound of him soothe her ragged edges. He is promising Maysie a million tomorrows and Madge will hold him to it, believes in him and his coming home.

They have only tonight and then the rest of their lives, days and months and years upon years.

Madge believes that.

(she has to)

*

Madge and Gale are quiet as she walks him to the hovercraft, hands linked and bodies brushing.

They’d dropped Maysie off with Hazelle, he’d said all his last goodbyes and now there’s just this walk, this one walk before he’s gone, off where she can’t follow. There are other people walking the same way but Madge barely notices them, is entirely focused on Gale and every last second she has with him.

They reach the hangar bay and families mill about, exchanging kisses and final farewells. She can see Peeta and Katniss nearby, whispering in each other’s ears and then Gale turns to face her, hands resting on her waist. She wraps hers around his neck, hands playing with the hair at the back of his head and tries to smile. Words crowd up inside her and Gale presses his forehead against hers.

“I love you,” he murmurs and Madge tilts her head up, lips ghosting over his.

"Come back to me," she breathes into him and he tightens his hold on her waist, their hearts pressed together and beating in tandem. She kisses him with breathless abandon and this is not goodbye.

She can taste a thousand words on his tongue, passed silently between their lips. He will be back and Madge gathers her courage around herself like armour as he starts to pull away. His fingers catch hers and she squeezes slightly, burns the feel of him into her flesh. She inhales and watches him walk away, off to join the others and Peeta comes up beside her, slips his arm around her shoulders. She slides hers around his waist as they watch their soldiers head off to war, the final battle of them all.

I love you Madge thinks to their backs, i love you i love you i love you.

Gale turns back for a moment and Madge smiles, wants what could be his final look at her to be something worth remembering. Leevy comes up on her other side, hand finding hers and this is it.

The end is here.

(please, please let it be the Capitol's end)

(not ours)

(please, not ours)

*

(the end is here, not only in the Capitol but in Thirteen too)

(the Rebellion is launching their last strike but so is Snow)

(and this time, it really is winner take all)

*

Only one chapter left!! Thanks for sticking with me through all this, you guys are the best! :)

[the-depressed-shiny-buneary]

Oceanus Aogiri and Coral Aogiri

Oceanus and Coral are Archie and Shelly’s twin kids. Both kids often babysat Grey and Ashley when the Ketchum cousins were younger, as such the four of them get along great.

Oceanus is excitable, headstrong and ready to do something. He likes to battle and he challenges gyms to battle the gym leaders. But he has yet to compete in a Pokemon League, when asked why he said he just likes battling and he likes looking at his badges, he doesn’t want to compete in a Pokemon League for glory, he simply likes to battle and battle he will do. Despite this, he’s still a caring and nice guy that has a soft spot for kids. 

Coral is kind, gentle and caring towards everyone around her. She always smiles at others and has an appreciation for things such as contests, she has joined in the contest group and has won two grand festivals. She’s a freelance coordinator and will perform for exhibition contests. Despite always smiling, she can be serious when the situation calls for it, that’s the only time she’ll open her eyes and stop smiling. 

The twins will often be seen wearing Team Aqua Grunt uniforms and they will occasionally talk like pirates for the fun of it. Both of them don’t like Fire type Pokemon and will refuse to use them on their teams.

Oceanus’ Pokemon:

Dewott- Oceanus received his Dewott as an Oshawott once he had hatched from an egg that was bred for him. He evolved during a battle to catch Buizel. As an Oshawott, he was playful and silly, often wanting to play more than battle due to how young he was. When it was time to battle, he would often dance around and when he won he would do a victory dance. After he evolved he gained a serious side and stopped dancing all together, he battled more often and uses his Scalchops to block attacks or to attack. He’s still a loyal Pokemon to Oceanus and stays out of his Pokeball. He has a sweet tooth and will often forget what he was saying or thinking if he is given something sweet.

Caught in a Pokeball.

Ability is Torrent.

Moves are Razor Shell, Swords Dance, X-Scissor, Ice Beam, Aqua Jet, Swagger, Water Pledge, Hidden Power (Ground), Rain Dance and Hydro Pump.

Buizel- Buizel was caught by Oceanus near where he lived. Buizel is a Pokemon that likes to battle, he always likes to train himself and train the others for any and all kinds of battles. He likes to swim around in his free time and gets along with Dewott, making them both training partners. He’s just as loyal to Oceanus as Dewott is and will willingly come out of his Pokemon to protect his trainer.

Caught in a Dive Ball.

Ability is Swift Swim.

Moves are Water Pulse, Sonic Boom, Razor Wind, Whirlpool, Ice Punch, Brick Break, Rain Dance, Aqua Tail, Fury Cutter and Brine.

Beedrill- Oceanus was exploring a forest one day and tripped over a sleeping Weedle. Slightly annoyed, he threw a Nest ball and caught Weedle. As a Weedle, Beedrill was lazy, slow, and always hungry. He paid little to no attention to battling and never seemed to like anything aside from eating and sleeping. After he evolved into Kakuna and later Beedrill, he became angry and lashed out at everyone. It took some time, but he calmed down from being fully angry all the time. He became a serious battling Pokemon and later got a hold of a Beedrillite, allowing him to mega evolve. 

Caught in a Nest Ball.

Ability is Swarm. When Mega Evolved his ability changes to Adaptability.

Moves are Twineedle, Giga Drain, Poison Jab, Focus Energy, Agility, Double Team, Fell Stinger, Rage, Pin Missile and Brutal Swing.

Girafarig- Oceanus found Girafarig while him and the family were on a trip to Johto. Girafarig is blind in his left eye due to an attack by a Dark type Pokemon, so he relies on his tail to tell him where he is and if a Pokemon is attacking him from his blind spot. For that reason, Oceanus has to give Girafarig a heads up and he has to try and make sure no one knows about Girafarig’s blind spot. Despite the fact he’s blind in one of his eyes, he’s an optimistic Pokemon and is happy he found a trainer otherwise he might have been lost for good. He has a scar on his left eye, said left eye is a milky color.

Caught in a Luxury Ball. 

Ability is Early Bird.

Moves are Rest, Sleep Talk, Psychic, Signal Beam, Calm Mind, Baton Pass, Shadow Ball, Return, Mirror Coat and Hyper Voice.

Primeape- Primeape was a big troublemaker when he was in the wild, often stealing food or items from trainers, or just punching them for the heck of it. Oceanus used his Girafarig to battle and catch Primeape as an attempt to get him to behave. After a while, Primeape did calm down from his tantrum and he became a great part of Oceanus’ team. He still has his angry moments and will fly into a rage or a fit, but that’s mostly during a battle since his blood pumps and he gets excited, Oceanus has to calm him down by throwing a sweet treat out on the field or to return him.

Caught in a Greatball.

Ability is Anger Point.

Moves are Rage, Karate Chop, Focus Energy, Stomping Tantrum, Outrage, Close Combat, Ice Punch, Punishment, Dynamic Punch and Gunk Shot.

Mamoswine- Oceanus caught Mamoswine as a Swinub who had later evolved into a Piloswine and later evolved into Mamoswine. As a Swinub, he was a glutton that loved to battle so long as he would get food afterwards. He was also silly and tried to do things such as balance fruits or other things on his nose. As a Piloswine, he became more laid back and easy going instead of silly all the time, he still was a glutton and enjoyed eating after a battle. Now as a Mamoswine, he no longer battles with the promise of food like what he wanted when he was a Swinub and no longer laid back and easy going like when he was a Piloswine, he’s a serious battler that takes pride in his strength now more than ever. He still likes to eat but he toned it down a bit, so he isn’t always wanting to eat like he used to.

Caught in a Greatball.

Ability is Snow Cloak.

Moves are Hail, Ancient Power, Ice Fang, Take Down, Earthquake, Trash, Freeze-Dry, Ice Shard, Bulldoze and Headbutt.

Coral’s Pokemon:

Politoed- Coral was fishing for fun during a family camping trip with the Ketchum family and she got a bite. She reeled in a Poliwag, she was going to let the little one back to the sea, except Poliwag didn’t seem to want to leave. She happily bounced and jumped around and Coral kept her. Once she evolved into Poliwhirl, she begged Coral to let her evolve into a Politoed. She complied and managed to find a King’s Rock for Poliwhirl, which lead her to becoming a Politoed. Politoed was always a jolly Pokemon that likes to hop around and have fun, she also likes to sing and create beautiful water displays. She didn’t want to evolve into Poliwrath because she felt she wouldn’t be as good at contests with all of those muscles, but at the same time she didn’t want to stay as a Poliwhirl, so she evolved into Politoed.

Caught in a Lure Ball.

Ability is Water Absorb.

Moves are Perish Song, Bubble Beam, Ice Beam, Mud Shot, Round, Echoed Voice, Hyper Voice, Water Pulse, Whirlpool and Psychic.

Milotic- Milotic was abandoned by her former trainer as a Feebas and Coral took her into her care. She always loved her Milotic as a Feebas and did her best to make her feel better about herself. Feebas said she wanted to evolve into Milotic, so Coral asked Daichi to make high quality Beauty Pokeblock and for Sirius to make high quality Beauty Poffins. Once they did, they gave Feebas the Pokeblock and Poffins and had her eat a Rare candy so she could level up and evolve, and she did. Milotic is a kind and gentle Pokemon with a lot of confidence in herself now that she evolved. She calms down anyone who’s angry or comforts them when they’re upset, she has a habit of wrapping her tail around her trainer and nuzzle her cheek as a form of affection.

Caught in a Love Ball.

Ability is Cute Charm.

Moves are Water Pulse, Ice Beam, Mirror Coat, Dragon Pulse, Attract, Disarming Voice, Whirlpool, Refresh, Safeguard and Aqua Ring.

Oricorio (Pom-Pom Style)- While visiting Alola, Coral found Oricorio in her Pom-Pom style and happily dancing and cheering. Coral found her cute and caught her. Oricorio is a gleeful Pokemon that likes to dance and cheer for her friends, she’s often seen giving them support by cheering for them. She incorporates her dancing with her battles with her dancing which leads her to be unpredictable in battle and because she’s mostly found in contests, it’s easier for her to take away points from the opponent trainer as she dances around. 

Caught in a Pokeball.

Ability is Dancer.

Moves are Revelation Dance, Teeter Dance, Air Cutter, Helping Hand, Roost, Air Slash, Steel Wing, Sky Attack, Hidden Power (Psychic) and Acrobatics.

Shiny Glaceon- Coral found Glaceon as an Eevee who was in the middle of getting caught by another trainer because she was shiny. Thinking fast, Coral threw a empty Heal Ball at the shiny Eevee and caught her before the other trainer could. The shiny Eevee smiled at Coral for helping her from the trainer and stayed with her. She expressed a great enjoyment for being in contests more than battles, but she wanted to evolve first. Looking at all the Eeveelutions she deduced that Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon are more for battling than contests, Coral already had two Water types so she didn’t want to be Vaporeon, Espeon looked good but she didn’t think it was right for her, Sylveon was cute but she was afraid of tripping over her ribbons. So it came down to Leafeon and Glaceon, she was considering Leafeon but when with Glaceon because she could cover her weaknesses better. So they traveled to the icy rock and she evolved into a Glaceon. Glaceon takes pride in herself for who she is and what she can do as a Glaceon, she’s sweet and careful, but she also gets angry if her coat gets dirty and will fly into rage when she does get dirty. She’s also very smart as she learned how to make her moves more appealing for contests. Glaceon also only lets Coral or Ashley pet her, anyone else will get a Blizzard or a Shadow Ball to their head.

Caught in a Heal Ball.

Ability is Snow Cloak.

Moves are Hail, Blizzard, Aqua Tail, Ice Shard, Swift, Hidden Power (Ground), Frost Breath, Attract, Refresh and Mirror Coat.

Cherrim- Coral caught Cherrim as a Cherubi before she had evolved during a contest battle alongside Glaceon. As a Cherubi, she was happy and always ready to dance around while laughing, she would eagerly await for the day she would evolve into a Cherrim. Now as a Cherrim, she has two different personalities. In her Overcast form she doesn’t have any energy, she’s asleep more often and she’s very very calm. In her Sunshine form she’s energetic, excited and cheerful, ready to perform for anyone. She has this habit of dancing whenever it’s sunny outside. She’s best friends with Glaceon and Glaceon allows Cherrim to ride on her back.

Caught in a Love Ball.

Ability is Flower Gift.

Moves are Petal Dance, Sunny Day, Magical Leaf, Solar Beam, Aromatherapy, Round, Nature Power, Dazzling Gleam, Grass Whistle and Safeguard.

Glameow- Coral saw Glameow by herself in a box and she took care of her until she recovered. It was because Coral was the only one to stop and help her that Glameow stayed with Coral. While most Glameow are known to be fickle, Coral’s Glameow is nothing like that. She’s very affectionate to the point she’ll pop out of her Pokeball just to nuzzle against Coral. When she gets called to do a contest she always does her best just so she can be praised by Coral, she gets very upset if she fails Coral and wants to always be there to help Coral win a contest. She refuses to evolve as she can no longer be held by Coral. 

Caught in a Luxury Ball.

Ability is Limber.

Moves are Play Rough, Fake Out, Assist, Hypnosis, Attract, Dream Eater, Payback, Fake Tears, Swift and Shadow Claw.

[acequeenking]

Fic prompt - Shepard/Ashley and polar

“Hazardous Conditions” (T): When Shepard and Ashley wind up in a broken Mako in a blizzard, their rescue attempts stir up more than just the snow. The Mako got coldquickly after the temperature fell.It had not beendeveloped for long-term deployment in hostile territories; Ash knewthis, and felt it in her stomach. She didn’t have much to distract her: the Mako was quiet,for the first time, with onlythe drone of Shepard’s voice to sooth her. Shepardhadn’t given up yet.“Thisis Port Hanshan Mako#2034,” she said; her soft,pink skin was even more palethan usual, and Ashley thought feverishly about how she was startingto resemble the snow that was piling all around them. “We’ve brokendown on the trail to Peak 15; this is Spectre Shepard, I have twoassociates with me, no injuries.”Yet,Ashley mouthed, but did not dare voice; Shepard did not turn back toher, too focused on the moment at hand. Ashshivered. The light armorshe’d picked up from the Hanar atPort Hanshan had been builtto absorb gunshots – not heat.She was freezing. She sat with her arms hugging her chest tight andpretended it helped. 

 “Weneed evac,” Shepard said, her full Spectre authority dripping inevery word. It did notmatter. It met the same response Shepard had been meeting for the lasthour. But Shepardhadn’t given up yet. Sheleaned towardfrom the radio, as if she was expecting aresponse beyond static. Ashhad given up hope of that. She looked away from Shepard toward thewhiteness outside. The blizzard was blowing strong, flecks of whitehitting the windows. She felt, more than heard, her knuckles tightenagainst her armor.

Thiswas not how Ashley Williams planned to die. Sheclosed her eyes and whispered a prayer. She hoped it helped. 

 Shewasn’t the only one ill at ease. Taliwas getting restless – she paced down the small room, the only oneof them short enough to do so without having to stoop.Ashley was jealous of this; evenshe had to stoop to get into the Mako,and didn’t know how Garrus or Wrex ever managed to fold themselvesinto the relatively small seats. It had barely been built for humans,let alone aliens. Only Tali fit well, but she was closer to humanthan any of the other aliens. Sometimes, she could almostforget Tali was an alien, so human were her expressions, heremotions; quarians exhibited similar body language to humans, and ithad made her remarkably easier to read.

Shehad little trouble reading her now. Tali’s hands were as tense as herown, held tightly at her sides. She was muttering in a language thatsounded like her grandmother’s when she dropped a spoon and Rex hadrun off with it; she suspected Tali, like Abuela Carmen, had a ratherprofane streak when pressured.   “Sitdown, Tali,” Shepard murmured; she had an edge in her voice, forthe first time. Tali stopped, hands on her hips. It was obvious shewas going to say something, but then she didn’t, sitting down next toAsh. Shepard flicked abutton.“Thisis Port HanshanMako #2034,” Sheparddroned. “We’ve broken downon the trail to Peak 15, this is Spectre Shepard, I have twoassociates with me. We needan evac ASAP.” Shepardpressed a hand to her ear, alternating, asshe had been doing, her request for evac from Port Hanshanwith her request for the Normandy.   “Joker?”She said. Ash could not hear what response Shepard was getting, but suspected itwas nothing. Tali tapped her foot next to her, and Ash closed hereyes, not wanting to stare at Shepard. Shehad seen Shepard’s eyes moving towardher, had wondered what itmeant; now it did not seem to matter at all. Shefelt tired, but tried to fight it, tried to focus on Tali’s foot.Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-ta-“Tali,please,” Shepard said. “I’m trying to hear.” Talistopped and stood. She looked down at Ash for just a second, herglowing eyes squinting, and Ash blinked back, unable to look away. “I’mgoing to look at the engines,” Tali said, a bit crisply, beforeturning and stalking toward the door. “Tali– “Ash said, feeling a bit guilty. The girl’s nervousness wasunderstandable – “It’sfine,” Tali said, her eyes softening toward her. “It’s not thefirst time that quarians have had to camp out in an inhospitablesystem. We’re used to repairing in worse conditions than this. I’lltry to get the engines back online.” “Thirtyminutes,��� Shepard barked. “If you can’t get it working then -”Talinodded and saluted; the saluting was something new, something Ashwondered if she had picked up from Kaiden or herself. “Yes. Let meknow if anything comes through the wire.” Andwith that, Tali was gone. Silence reigned in the Mako, the only noisethe sound of Tali flipping open the engine in the front. Ash wanted tojoin her, but she’d never been good with vehicles; she’d alwaysmaintained artillery. And she doubted her armor would last as long as Tali’s in the elements.“Williams,”Shepard said, her voice a low and dark presence; not cold but warm,intensely warm – burning. Tiger Tiger Burning Bright,Ash thought, then stopped. Poetry could not help her here, but she could not stop the dark blush that spilled across her cheeks.Shepardturned around in the driver’s seat. Ash saluted, then kept her eyes low, looking more at Shepard’s feet thanher face. She still wasn’t quite comfortable with the feelings Shepard evoked inher, and now she had no more time to work through them. Did the blush betray her? Perhaps Shepard thought she was ashamed. Shesaw those long, black boots shiftas Shepard stood. Shepard walked toward her, her hips swinging confidently. She took a seat next to Ash. Ashley tried hard not to breathe in too deeply, willed herself to remain calm. Fraternizationwasn’t allowed, even if it felt inevitable that they were going tostarve to death. Or freeze.She wasn’t sure which she’d prefer, yet. “Doyou think I was too hard on her?” Shepard said; one of herhand dropped to Ashley’s own, and Ashley’s fingers curled reflexively againstShepard’s.   Outside,Tali sparked the engine, and Ash felt both their hearts leap intandem – then it died again, seconds later. Shepard squeezed her hand tighterand Ash didn’t ask her what she meant by it.   “Youdo what you have to do in these situations, ma'am.” Ash squeezed her hand in response, skirting forbidden territory. Shepard didn’t drop her hand. “Panicdoesn’t help anyone.”“No.”Shepard sounded relieved, atleast almost. “I should getback to hailing. We can’t give up. We’ve – we’ve gotten so far…”   “Iknow.” Ashley should have separated their hands, should have allowed Shepard to leave, but instead she held tight to Shepard’s hand. She was warm,in spite of the cold blanket falling around them. “Noregrets, Commander Shepard. No matter if this is as far as we go.Being with you, striking down flashlight heads with my boomstick… Iwouldn’t trade that for anything.” “Ash…Callme Jane,” Shepard said, her voice soft as rain but the meaning ofher words striking like lightning on Ash’s nerves. The Commander had never given her permission to use herfirst name; such things were a bit too close. Shelicked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry at the thought of the name. It might as well have been forbidden territory. Williams had always been Alliance blue and true, honor therules, don’t break the code – but then again, what had that gottenthem besides near-universal scorn and an early grave? And with Tali outside, the engine still dead – what did shehave to lose? “Jane,”she said. The name was foreign but sweet on her tongue, and she said it again: “Jane.”“Ash…”Shepard chuckled, her voice honeyed in a way that sent ripples down Ash’sspine. “Perhaps it’s forward of me, but – “She knew what was going to happen seconds before it did, the thoughtShe’s going to kiss me stillechoing through her head even as Shepard’s lipsclaimed her own. It was not a chaste kiss but a heavy one, the sort thatpushed Ash forwards, scrambling desperately, her hands moving in Shepard’s hair. She heard the clang of metal on metal as Shepard’s breastplate hit her own andknew Tali probably could hear them but for once, she didn’t care; they weregoing to die, here on a cold and alien rock, and all that she had tocomfort herself with was the fire-red soldier kissing her feverishly,her red hair tumblingsuddenly down her shoulders, and Ash was only dimly aware that sheds donethat, broken another regulation, but it didn’t matter because allshe wanted was more, allshe wanted  was for Shepard to touch her – the Commander’s hand stilled against the clasp of her breast plate, and Ash murmured yesoh yes in a low voice, the thrumin her blood almost deafing her to all outward noise, all noiseexcept the sound of those fingers moving across that clasp, notclumsily but skillful – Aroaring sound diverted them both, and she saw Shepard’s beautifulfire-red hair whip around as the engine sprung to life, the chokednoise instantly spinning out into a roaring thrum. She looked back ather, and Ash saw the regret that crossed her face instantly, but itdidn’t stop Shepard from pulling away. Ash swallowed, redid the clasp onher armor. She ached, but duty came first, and she numbly gave Shepard her hair tie back, then went to redo her  own. 

She had barely swept it back up into the familiar bun when Tali burst backinto the Mako, her eyes glowing in triumph. Ash tried to be happy forher, for them all. She nodded and smiled. 

“Goodjob,” Shepard said, clasping Tali’s shoulder. “Let’s get going.”Ash stood, though her legs felt like jelly, and unsteadily walked towardShepard and Tali. “Which way do we go?” She asked, thoughshe’s not sure which situation she was referring to.

Shepardturned toward her, a soft smile on her face before settling back down into the driver’s seat. “Forward,” she said.“That’s the only way we can go.”