#except in some cases it is a missing sixth instead | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lividstar · 6 months

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愤怒的星星 ★ — COLLISION OF PARALLEL LINES.

៚ wc: 17.6k

៚ fluff, punk!hongjoong x fem!reader, slowburn, ot8 cameos, college au except idk if i did it right, mutual pining, first few parts are just flashbacks, opposites attract (kinda?) will probably be a 2-part series

៚ The thought of enjoying your Saturday morning however you please may initially seem exciting, but it can become as daunting as weekdays when you end up with tasks even on your supposed days off—which, in your case, is none other than buying a psychological thriller book for your roommate, who claims she needs it in order to share a "common interest" with the nerdy guy from her linguistics class she seems to be obsessed with. You already saw it coming when you opened your phone to find numerous missed calls from her, but what you didn't expect was a coincidental encounter with a guy who seems to have visited the bookstore for the same reason as you. It only took you two more no-longer-so-coincidental encounters for you to realize just how deep you’ve fallen into the bottomless pit.

You never really tend to realize just how much of an effect a certain person’s presence has on you until you start to crave more of it during the times you fail to feel it around.

The first time you saw him was when you were walking in and out of your local bookstore’s aisles, fingers brushing through the rows of books neatly arranged according to their genres. For how long you’ve been doing the exact same thing, you begin to forget just why and how exactly visiting the place managed to sneak itself in between your routine for the day.

Rewinding the day’s events so far so you could recall what exactly were you doing inside a bookstore standing in front of an aisle solely for the psychological thriller genre, you vividly remember your roommate calling you in the middle of your morning stroll at the park asking if you could stop by a nearby bookstore and buy her a book she apparently needs for “academic purposes.”

You were hesitant at first, thinking she was probably airing out a false reason. With the amount of times you’d come home to the sight of her deeply engrossed in a complex thriller movie, you’d assume she wanted the book solely due to her interests.

You ran your eyes through the columns once more, sighing in relief when you finally found the book your roommate wanted you to buy. You took your phone out to take a picture of it and send it to her for confirmation, but just as you were about to reach for it, another person whose presence you failed to notice until now did so as well, making your hands brush against each other after reaching for the same book stacked in the sixth row of the shelf.

You immediately looked to the side and managed to catch a glimpse of his eyes slightly widening, and so did he with yours. You remember being the first one to snap back to reality, taking a step back to face him while waving your arms off in front of your chest.

“You can take it,” you said, awkwardly chuckling as you gestured for him to take the book instead. You figured you’d just buy a copy of it online, or if you’re going to be free on some days this week, perhaps you’d stop by other bookstores. Your roommate didn’t specify when exactly she needed the book, anyway.

He mirrors your actions instead of reaching for the book, gently pulling down the left cord of his earphones—you thought it was a subtle gesture of bouncing your initiation of small talk back to you, so you let your attention get taken away as your ears perked up to listen to whatever the stranger had to say.

“It’s fine, i’m sure you’ll need that one more than I do,” he said, pointing to the book neither of you were considering taking with a gentle smile. “I’ve actually read it five times already—just thought a sixth reread was necessary earlier in the morning, so here I am now.” He chuckled, and only then did you manage to get a good look at him.

His hair had a striking resemblance to the burgundy patterned carpets of the bookstore, and from the looks of it, you were able to tell from a single glance that it definitely wasn’t the first time he’s ever dyed his hair. Black sunglasses remained sat atop his head, and his ears were decorated in multiple piercings. He wore a layered chain necklace, the silver material of the accessories shining as the lights by the roof reflected on it. A dark red leather jacket was hung lazily over his shoulders, showing the black tank top he wore underneath. He was wearing black, ripped baggy jeans, and it was adorned with chains attached to its waistline. His combat boots were of the same color, and the shoelace of the left foot was undone—you couldn’t tell if it was on purpose or if he simply didn’t notice. He wore silver rings on almost each of his fingers, and you were able to see that one of his nails was painted black when he adjusted one of his rings. It almost made you smile, but it wasn’t until he cleared his throat that you realized you’ve been staring at him for about a minute or two.

Your eyes widened in surprise, awkwardly chuckling as you did your best not to give him the wrong impression. “Sorry, I was just...” you trailed off, not knowing what horrible excuse you should use to drag yourself out of a potentially awkward encounter. “...just wondering why you’d want to read the same book six times straight.” Great, you certainly didn’t come off weird, but you definitely sounded rude.

Just as you were about to hurriedly mutter out an apology, the man’s stifled laugh immediately put a halt to your train of thought. “It sounds strange, doesn’t it? My friends have been asking me the same question for a while now, so this isn’t really surprising for me. See, this book has a lot of foreshadowing in it, so I think It’s nice to reread it every once in a while to see the points I’ve missed.” He shrugged his shoulders, making his leather jacket fall off smoothly on one side.

He noticed you struggling with thinking of what to respond, so he took it upon himself and steered the conversation away from himself and towards you. “What about you? what were you going to buy the book for?” he asked, and you were quick to answer—thankful for his initiative.

“Going to the bookstore wasn’t originally part of today’s schedule, but apparently my roommate couldn’t get any more lazier and asked me to stop by to purchase the book for her because she can’t do it herself.”

There was something about the way you expressed your frustration (although jokingly) with a deadpanning look on your face that almost made him want to laugh, and you could tell by the way he was visibly fighting against the corners of his lips that were twitching upwards.

“That’s tough,” he stated the obvious as he ran his jewelry adorned fingers through his burgundy hair—with the way you saw a line of sweat drip down by the side of his face, you knew you weren’t the only one who found the bookstore to be in a strangely warm temperature today.

You saw a few air conditioners here and there on the walls, and they were working perfectly fine earlier, so you assumed they were probably just malfunctioning. “Are the air conditioners going through a malfunction or something?” he voiced out your thoughts for you as he practically asked himself the question with the way it came out as a whisper while he was looking around.

You took your cardigan off, and only then did you notice the stark contrast between your choices of outfits. You were clad in a pink knitted cardigan your mother made by her own hands—she gave it to you as a present for Christmas a while ago, and underneath it was a white camisole top decorated with lace and a pink ribbon on its center—something you added yourself. You wore a long, white ruffled skirt, a piece of clothing you bought online two years ago when you and your online best friend agreed upon buying it together to wear it the moment you’ll finally get the chance to meet up. You stopped talking to each other a year ago, so you just started to wear it to your own liking. You chose to wear the pink doll shoes you found at a thrift store a week ago, and the cherry on top was the white ribbon hair clips you placed on either side of your hair.

“They were doing just fine when I first came in, so I guess it has something to do with technical issues.” You shrugged, and the man mirrored your actions yet again as he proceeded to fully take off his leather jacket as well.

Just as he parted his lips to say something, your phone suddenly rang, making both of you look at the device you didn’t even notice you were still holding in your hands until now. Staring right into your eyes was your roommate’s caller id on the phone screen, and for a second, you were debating whether to answer or not.

You decided to ignore the latter, figuring the call was made regarding the book. You apologetically smiled at the man first, gesturing to your phone as he returned your smile, urging you to go ahead as he mouths something about checking out other sections of the book store so you could have some privacy.

Once he was out of the frame, you didn’t hesitate to press the green button, bringing the phone up to your ears. “Before I proceed to say anything, I need you to answer a question of mine first. Do you think you’re capable of committing murder today?” She asked from the other end of the line, making your brows furrow as you scoffed in both confusion and disbelief at the sudden confusion. “Am I what?”

“Please just say yes or no,” she said in a hurried tone. “No... why? Did something bad happen over there?” She chuckled nervously as you heard the shuffling of bedsheets, assuming she was either rolling around her bed or sitting up.

“No, but... you see, about the book I asked for you to buy... remember that guy from my linguistics class I told you about last weekend?” You were confused about where the conversation was heading, yet hummed in confirmation anyway. “I do. What about him?”

“Okay, so, thanks to my... connections, I found out just now that he owns an annotated physical copy of the book, and, if you’re already catching my drift...” she trailed off, yet the moment she heard your sigh from your end, she was quick to regain composure and stumble over her words.

“I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! I wouldn’t have sneaked the task in between your schedule if I had known beforehand—I just really don’t want to waste the opportunity of a potential connection between us... and, I mean, well, yeah, I should’ve done it by myself to begin with, but I wasn’t really thinking straight earlier in the morning so I—” you cut her off by ending the call, heading straight to your messages as you scrolled down to look for her contact number.

The sound of your nails clicking on the phone screen echoed across the empty aisle as you typed, “Go shoot your shot. Don’t stress it out, alright? Just make sure this won’t happen again. Love you :)” With a sigh, you turned your phone off and put it back inside your bag. You were happy for your roommate, yet at the same time, you couldn’t help but feel like you just wasted a portion of your day.

Exiting the aisle, your thoughts went back to the man you were just engaging in small talk with a few minutes ago, eyes darting around the bookstore to search for him. You didn’t see which direction he went when he left, already having your back turned against him the moment you heard his fading footsteps.

The man sitting by the register who seemed to be around the same age as you noticed you and was quick to call for your attention. “Are you looking for the redhead, miss?” And for a second, you were slightly embarrassed, but it was the truth, anyway, so you found yourself nodding wordlessly. “He already left a minute ago.”

Hearing those words come out of his mouth, you almost let a disappointed sigh slip out of your lips, but you were quick to cover it up. “I see. Thanks for telling me,” you said, flashing him a polite smile as he gave you his own.

Figuring there was no longer any purpose for you to stay inside the bookstore any longer, you headed to the exist, the clinking of the bells on top of the doors ringing in your ears as you swung it open, putting your cardigan back on when the cold temperature of the city hit your skin like a speeding truck. Only then did you realize you didn’t even get to ask for his name, and since then, he hadn’t left your mind for the rest of the day.

The next time wasn’t any different. You were taking a stroll at the park for a much-needed unwinding after taking your exams. Kids were running around and chasing each other by the grassy fields, couples were being all cute and cuddly as they sat by the benches, and some elderly people were walking around much like how you were, admiring the beautiful sceneries unfolding in front of their very own eyes.

Your pink dress was being carried away by the soft breeze, making it flow as you took one step after another. Thankfully, you chose to wear a long dress for the day, so you didn’t have to worry about any potential wardrobe malfunctions.

From a near distance, you saw a little boy standing by the grass fields pointing towards you. His voice was a little loud, so you managed to hear what he was saying to the two men he was with. “Wooyoung-hyung, look! A princess!”

The little boy’s comment caught you off guard, making you look the other way as you pretended not to hear the words he was saying, which were hard to ignore due to how loud he was speaking. “Kyungmin, she’s not a princess, and you can’t just point to strangers like that!”

The man who you assumed to be his older brother lightly scolded him, and for a second, you were debating between playing along with the child’s wide imagination—it wasn’t his fault for thinking you were a princess as he was still young, after all, or fleeing from the park so his attention would be directed to something else so his brother would stop scolding him. “But she is a princess! Seonghwa-hyung, you see it too, right?” The other man with them was probably a friend of the little boy’s brother.

“Well, Kyungmin, she might look like one, but she isn’t—” the man you assumed to be Seonghwa stopped in between his words all of a sudden, and the next thing you knew was the little boy was standing right in front of you, tugging on your dress that was still flowing due to the wind.

“Kyungmin!” Both men yelled his name in unison, but he ignored them, his attention fully focused on you instead. “Miss pretty lady! You’re a princess, right? Right?” He looked up at you with a smile, and once again, you found yourself ignoring the latter between your choices of how to handle the situation.

You sat down so you could see each other eye to eye, a fond smile spreading across your face as you let out a soft laugh. “You think I’m a princess?” You tilted your head, making him let out a gasp of disbelief. “But you are! Wooyoung-hyung and Seonghwa-hyung won’t believe me, but I know you are! Right?” he asked for confirmation again, making you laugh once more as you rested your hands on the area of your chest where your heart was.

“Well… I think it depends on what you want to believe. I won’t tell you whether I’m a princess or not, but if you think I am, then so be it. What you believe in is what matters the most, and not what anyone else does, don’t you think?”

You figured talking some wisdom into a boy who’s probably still in kindergarten wasn’t exactly the best way to handle the situation, but it’s not like you knew better ways. Seeing his smile grow even wider after hearing your words, though, was enough to let you know you handled it just fine. “So you are a princess! I knew it!” Okay, well, that was definitely not the reaction you were going for, but at least he’s happy, right?

“You should tell them that, too!” He pointed to where his brother and his friend stood, but this time, there were three of them, and the one standing in the middle was definitely not an unfamiliar face to you contrary to the two who stood by his side. You certainly couldn’t have been mistaken—especially not when you saw his burgundy hair.

Your eyes met briefly, yours widened and his completely normal, save for the fond gaze you assumed was probably directed to the little boy in front of you. He probably didn’t even recognize you at all. “Come with me, miss pretty lady! You should meet them so they’ll be proven wrong,” he said, reaching for your arm as he took a step towards where the three men stood.

When you didn’t budge from where you crouched at all, he looked back at you with a confused expression on his face. “What’s the matter, miss pretty lady?”

You chuckled awkwardly as you stood up, looking down at him. “They’re waiting for you, not me. Go on now, don’t keep them waiting. I’m sure you’ve proven them wrong already, anyway,” you said, using your free hand to take his off your wrist. “Are you sure? I…”

“Kyungmin!” His older brother called out his name once more, making his head turn to where they were all standing, patiently waiting for the little boy to go back to them. “See? You should go.” You ushered, making him look back and forth between you and his brother and his friends for about a few seconds.

“Well… okay, then.” The frown on his face was a huge contrast to the huge smile he once had a few seconds ago, and you were quick to do whatever you could to bring it back.

“Hey, don’t be sad, alright? It’s always better to spend days like this with a smile on your face,” you said, smiling at him fondly. “Will I get to see you again?” The sudden question put you at a loss for words, and you spent a good couple of seconds thinking of how to respond correctly.

“Neither of us know the answer to that, but if you ever see me again, I promise I’ll let you introduce me to your brother and his friends, okay?” It was definitely not the right thing to say, but it was certainly what the boy wanted to hear.

With the smile on his face returning, he waved at you enthusiastically, running back to the three men who have been waiting for him for quite a while now. He approached them with a cheerful expression on his face, and you watched them slowly start to smile as well while the little boy told them about his interaction with you.

Unbeknownst to you, your attention was unconsciously directed towards the burgundy haired man who was now exchanging laughter with his friends while the little boy was still going on about his story. This time, he was wearing a see-through black jacket with a beige compression long-sleeve shirt underneath, partnered with baggy denim jeans that were secured by a black belt with embellishments. His ears had less piercings this time, and so were the amount of necklaces he wore. His boots were the same as the ones you saw him wear when you first met him, and his fingers were still adorned with multiple accessories. You could tell he opted for a casual look today, yet he still looked as cool as ever. Perhaps it was due to the vibe he carries with him, and not just his choices of clothing itself. There’s still a huge contrast between your outfits.

The little boy didn’t mention his name when he was talking to you earlier, and that was the only thing you were disappointed about with your heartwarming interaction with him. You’d probably look strange if you were to approach them, yet it proved to be impossible either way as they now had their backs faced towards you, walking away as they continued their conversation. Luck really hasn’t been on your side lately. You wonder when it will be.

Three weeks later, and you’re now walking through the halls in search of your roommate. Thirty minutes ago, she sent you a message, telling you to meet her on the third floor. She didn’t really tell you why, and it drove you off the edge more than it should’ve—one thing you’ve always disliked was when people would ask you to meet up for an unspecified reason, or even worse, message you by texting you only your name and your name alone without telling you what’s the matter beforehand. So now, here you were, eyes searching the halls in hopes of finding a familiar face.

“Hey!” A familiar voice called out a few steps behind where you stood, making you immediately look back. Sighing in relief as you recognized who it was, your roommate made her way towards you, pushing past the small portion of people crowding the halls. “Sorry for asking to meet up all of a sudden—I know you hate it when I do this, but I promise this is the last time!” So was last week, you said in your thoughts.

“What’s this about, anyway? And it better not be about your crush from your linguistics class because I swear—” She cuts you off with an apologetic chuckle, making you sigh in disappointment. “Nope, I’m not doing it.”

Just as you were about to walk away, she held your arm to keep you steady in your place, desperately pleading as she shook your arm repeatedly. “Please, please just hear me out! I promise I’ll leave you alone after this!” No way in hell you would, you thought once again.

Still, you chose to hear her out anyway. Sure, she may be annoying at times—especially when it comes to her undying crush on the boy from her linguistics class, but you can’t really deny the fact that you hold a soft spot for her deep within. When it wasn’t about her man who technically isn’t her man but you’re sure will be her man one day, she was really fun to be around. She was loud and outgoing, a huge contrast to your calm and collected personality, and as different as you both may be, you feel the most comfortable around her compared to anyone and everyone else. Whenever she’d notice you were feeling down, she wouldn’t hesitate to speedrun to the nearest convenience store by where you both lived, buy you your favorite food even during the times her pockets are begging for her to leave them alone for once, and put on your favorite movie once she comes back.

So then, you now find yourself heading towards the library to look for yet another book her crush has apparently been frequently visiting the library for lately. You figured you should hire whoever’s airing all this information to her as your detective one day, if it ever came to it.

Apparently, the book is a tale as old as time, so he couldn’t really find a copy of it anywhere, hence why he chooses to visit the library on a daily basis to read it. Your roommate thought sharing the same interests with him would be a great way to deepen her “connection” with him—if they even had one to begin with, considering how the only bridge between both of them was the annotated book she borrowed from him—which she still hasn’t returned—and that was pretty much all of it. She claims she’s too shy to approach him, and maybe that’s why.

You found yourself standing in between two tall bookshelves once again, the situation being somewhat familiar to you in a way that almost made you laugh. This time, though, the air conditioners were working just fine, and you weren’t accompanied by a presence other than your own.

Your eyes search through the books neatly stacked in the shelves, squinting and inching closer to get a better view in case you accidentally miss the book you’re looking for. There was a blank space in between two books, and for a moment, you assume the book had already been borrowed by your roommate’s crush, or maybe someone else.

You were about to message your roommate to tell her about it, until you heard some shuffling from the other side of the shelf you were facing, drawing a confused expression on your face. You heard from one of your colleagues that the librarian was way too strict for everyone’s liking, so students would mostly stop by the library just to borrow a book, but never to actually stay.

Which student was brave enough to actually stop by the library to read? Wouldn’t they be at least a little scared to be yelled at to shut up over the smallest of things such as breathing like how a normally functioning person should?

Peeking through the empty space in between the books to see who it was, your eyes widened comically as you recognized the person solely from their hands resting on the table alone. The sight of a singularly colored nail and layers of rings and bracelets couldn’t have been more familiar to you.

But what was he doing here? His hair was half blonde and half black, though, so you were contemplating whether your assumptions about his identity were correct or not, but you knew there was only one way to find out—and it certainly wasn’t peeking through a bookshelf like a creep.

Exiting the aisle—a familiar experience once again, you slowly walked towards the table while rethinking your life decisions, wondering if you should just leave him alone and mind your own business. You were on the brink of considering it, but it wasn’t until you recognized what he was reading.

It was the book your roommate asked you to borrow from the library, and it was certainly the one meant to be placed in the blank space by the aisle you were searching through just now.

Your mind was racing with questions pleading to be answered—the first ones being, Who the hell is this man? Why do I keep seeing him around? Why did no one ever tell me he goes to the same university as I do? And what is his name?

You figured there couldn’t have been a better time for your questions to be answered other than now, and even if you were gambling with the possibilities of him either recognizing you or not feeling any sense of familiarity with you at all, you couldn’t really care less right now.

“Hey,” you were hesitant, making your voice come off as soft and barely above a whisper—and it certainly wasn’t due to your fear of being scolded by the librarian. The man shot up and immediately turned his head around, and as he stared at you with those eyes of his, you knew your assumptions regarding his identity were correct, after all.

For about a second or two, all he did was stare at you with a blank expression on his face, and you swore you were about to let the ground swallow you whole right there and then. But for the next second, his face softens as he flashes you a toothy grin, and the words that soon followed after it caught you completely off guard. “It’s you.” It’s you?

What on Earth could he have possibly meant by that? Does that mean he recognized you when his friend’s little brother was talking to you within a fair distance from where he and his friends stood by the park, after all? Does that mean he remembers? “I was starting to think I’d stop seeing you around. Turns out we’re closer than I thought we would be.” Okay, what?

“What?” You voice out your thoughts by accident, tilting your head in confusion as all he did in return was smile at you once more. “Third time’s the charm, after all, isn’t it?” He closes the book laid out in front of him on the table, pulling out the chair beside him, tapping on it as he gestured for you to take a seat.

You do so wordlessly, awkwardly fiddling with a loose stitch of your white knitted sweater adorned with baby pink strawberry patterns. How come you’ve never seen him around? With a face as strikingly beautiful as his, you’re sure you would’ve already noticed him long ago—or maybe you were just looking at the wrong places all along.

“He still thinks you’re a princess, you know.” He rests his elbow on the table, placing his chin on his hand as he looks at you with a smile. “Who?”

“Kyungmin—the little boy from the park, remember?” That was all it took for you to put two and two together and realize what he was talking about, making you let out a hum of realization, nodding soon after. “He hasn’t stopped talking to us about it, especially Wooyoung, since he’s his older brother and he’s pretty much the only one out of all of us who keeps on breaking his little bubble of imagination.”

The conversation flowed through more smoothly than you expected a few seconds ago, and the next thing you knew was you were stifling a chuckle, careful not to drive the librarian mad—actually, was she even still around right now? He was practically speaking in a normal tone and not in hushed whispers, so he should’ve been told off by now already. But he isn’t.

“It was a little hard trying to convince him to go back to you and your friends, honestly…” you said, rubbing the back of your neck as he chuckled at your response.

“Kids and their imaginations never fail to impress me. You know, when we went to the park again last night, he kept crying because he couldn’t see you anywhere. He said you promised you’d let him introduce you to us once you both meet each other again, so he was really upset. It was adorable, though.”

You found yourself smiling as you imagined the little boy crying in the arms of his brother due to not seeing you around, this time being the one chuckling.

“I didn’t mean to leave him hanging off by my words… I hope it wasn’t too much for your friend to handle his tantrums,” you said, smiling apologetically. He waves his arms off in front of his chest—another action appearing to be somehow familiar to you. “Don’t feel bad about it. Pretty sure Wooyoung’s used to it by now,” he responded, shrugging afterwards. He was right, the boy was his friend’s younger brother, after all.

Finding both yourselves at a loss for another topic to discuss, you opted for the first thing that came up in your head. “You changed your hair color,” you stated the obvious, rushing over to make a follow-up statement in order not to look stupid, “it suits you.”

But only after voicing it out did you realize that perhaps maybe leaving your first statement as it is would’ve been a better option. Unbeknownst to you, heat immediately flushed through his cheeks, but he was quick to cover it up, making you fail to notice the way your words made his breath hitch for a slight second. “You think so?”

“W-Well, yeah. Burgundy looked just as great, though.” It was a huge lie, though. Sure, burgundy looked good on him and suited his style pretty well, but a split-dyed hair look is always a hit or miss.

For him to make it look this good, though, definitely proved to you that it’s a hit—a rare one. Even so, you were just glad you managed to save yourself from embarrassment, playing off the fact that you literally just complimented a stranger.

But with the way you’ve been thinking of him ever since you first touched each other’s hands by accident at the bookstore, was he really still a mere stranger to you at this point?

He found himself smiling at your comment, fiddling with the rings on his fingers like how you were doing with your sweater just a while ago. “Thanks, I definitely needed to hear that.” With his response, you looked at him in confusion, subtly asking for context. He was quick to catch on, bracing himself for a little bit of a story time.

“My roommates have been flaming me ever since I came home with the red dye all gone, asking me if my hairstylist ran out of bleach in the middle of the process. They’ve been teasing me about how my scalp is probably begging to be freed by the shackles of my stylist at this point, too.” You then ended up thinking about it as well. Just how many times has this man changed his hair color by now?

“Wanna take a guess?” You didn’t need further explanation from him in order to know what he was talking about, as you’ve already been pondering about it anyway.

“I’ll say… five times, maybe?” If the correct answer was to go way past that, you think you’ll end up having the same thoughts as his roommates by the end of the day. “I hate to be the bearer of the bad news, but the answer’s very far from that.” Oh.

Seeing the flabbergasted expression on your face, he laughed loudly, and only then were your suspicions about the librarian no longer being around confirmed. If she was, he’d be thrown out the window by now. “Surprising, isn’t it? I don’t know how my scalp is still holding out well until now, either.” He shrugged, and about a couple of seconds after, you ended up joining him on his fit of laughter as well.

“I gotta say, though, that’s really impressive. Anyone else would be bald by now,” you said, making him laugh once more with how you voiced out your thoughts in such a serious tone. His laughter died down after a little while, eyes now staring right into yours. “What brings you here, though?” He finally brought it up, making you wordlessly point to the closed book in front of where he sat by the table.

“Take a guess. It’s not any different from last time,” you said, and he was quick to piece your words together. “Your roommate?” You nodded, mimicking his actions as you rested your chin on your hands like how he did earlier.

Right now, he was lazily slouched on the chair, one arm of his placed on the table as the other was resting on his thigh. He seemed to be comfortable. Only then did you manage to look at him completely from head to toe.

The contrast between your choices of clothing remained the same as ever, so you weren’t really surprised at this point. For you, beneath your white knitted sweater was a pink lace camisole top, paired with a short, pink frilly skirt. Along with your pink doll shoes—one that was different from what you wore when you went to the bookstore a while ago, was a pair of knee-length lace socks with pink ribbons resting atop its garter. And lastly, for your hairstyle, you decided to go for a simpler look today, with half of it tied up and adorned with a large pink ribbon hair clip.

For him, you noticed he looked simpler than how he’d usually style himself. But then again, you’ve only ever seen him twice before today, so you were not one to talk. He wore an oversized black shirt with a simple red graphic design in front, and it was tucked in his black denim cargo jeans that were held up by an equally simple black belt, partnered up with glossy black boots that were shining every time he’d move his feet around due to the lights by the roof of the library reflecting on its shiny surface. He was only wearing one necklace today, but as always, his hands were clad in multiple accessories. A cap, which you assumed he was probably wearing earlier before you found him, remained sat on his lap. When he ran his right hand through his hair, the sleeve of his oversized shirt went down a little, giving you the chance to catch a glimpse of his tattoo that says, “NO 1 LIKE ME.”

Once again, you failed to see the corners of his lips twitching upward when he noticed your eyes raking over his form, eyes twinkling in amusement. You’ve only seen each other thrice, but for each time that you did, something that would never overlook his attention was the way you’d always examine his clothing. It was cute, though. And it’s not like he doesn’t do the exact same thing every time as well, anyway.

His smirk disappeared as quick as the speed of light the moment your eyes met his, making you avert your gaze immediately. It’s not like you were uncomfortable, but rather because his eyes just hold such an intense aura within them that never fails to make you feel intimidated—in a good way, you assume.

“You know,” you began to speak, although still refusing to meet his eyes, “I still don’t know what your name is, and we’ve crossed paths three times already…” Due to the lack of a response from him, you were quick to assume you were probably overstepping a few lines.

What if he doesn’t really want your connection with each other to go way past two people who coincidentally see each other in the most random circumstances and places? What if he liked things better this way—you not knowing his name, and him not knowing yours?

But your thoughts dissolved into nothingness the moment he finally spoke up, his voice a little softer than you could recall as he says, “Kim Hongjoong.” Of course his name is just as beautiful as he is. Were you really surprised at this point?

“Kim Hongjoong,” you let his name roll off your tongue, and something you failed to notice yet again due to how you were still refusing to face him was the way his breath hitched—again. “What about you?”

He was quick to come up with a question to ask in order to keep his composure, head tilting ever so slightly, secretly anticipating for you to turn your head towards him again. And it seems luck chose to be on his side today, with the way you did exactly what he wished for you to.

“Me?” You asked, and he nodded. “Yeah, you.” You were hesitant at first—once you and Hongjoong finally exchange your names with each other, there’s no guarantee of which direction your affiliation with him would lead to.

Sure, you may have been overanalyzing things a little—maybe he’s just asking for your name with the hopes of being friends, but even so, you couldn’t help but wonder where you were both headed, because even if you were only a potential friend to him, he certainly wasn’t one for you.

You knew the risks of dating way before you even first entered college two years ago. If anyone were to wish for a relationship, the best periods of time to do so would either be in high school or adulthood. High school’s for the cheesy moments, the sneakily exchanged glances during class, the chasing each other by the fields, the heartfelt confessions during prom night. You’d break up with each other over something childish yet would be serious if you were to be at the age of a high school student, and you’d forget all about it the moment you step into your college life.

Getting into a relationship once you have grown into an adult would be the best option out of all, because as we grow older, we learn more things about life each day. Relationships during high school are ruined pretty easily usually because of how both parties aren’t emotionally mature enough to handle conflicts, and such an occurrence can be easily avoided if you’re both functioning adults with a better perspective on most things in life. It’d certainly be more mature compared to the aforementioned.

But relationships during college aren’t exactly the brightest of all. College students are around the ages where all you’d ever want is to mess around and have fun no matter the cost knowing you’ll barely ever get the chance to do so once you step into adulthood. So, with that being said, relationships being taken seriously by college students isn’t really a common occurrence. They live to fuck around and find out, and that’s all that’s there to it. You’ve seen girls getting their hearts shattered left and right by stupid men who seem to only think with their hormones, and you know how bad it gets.

From struggling to balance their studies and relationships to completely losing focus on their goals because apparently a conventionally attractive yet emotionally unintelligent man is worth crying over more than great examination results were, all you know about college relationships is that it either plays out surprisingly well and lasts long, or it could initiate the beginning of your downfall for years on end. You swore you’d never try it out, afraid to end up being part of the latter.

But as hard as relationships during college seem, resisting your undeniable attraction towards the man sitting in front of you also proved to be just as difficult with the way all you could think about at the very moment was how those soft hands of his clicking on the table while patiently awaiting your response would feel against your skin. It wasn’t much of a surprise for you, anyway—you knew you were doomed the moment your eyes first met his in an empty aisle and you ended up staring at him longer than you should’ve.

You knew there was no point in considering the pros and cons of deepening your connection with someone who wasn’t meant to play a role of just a friend and nothing more in your life—and might I add, someone you’re heavily crushing on yet would rather jump off a cliff than admit it to yourself and accept the terms, knowing even if he asked for your name that day at the park or that one time in the bookstore, you would’ve given him what he wanted with zero hesitation anyway.

And so you do.

He proceeded to mirror your actions from earlier, rolling your name out of his tongue—and you swear your name hasn’t sounded so beautiful until now. “That’s a beautiful name you’ve got,” he starts, and when you finally gained enough courage to turn your head to the side and meet his eyes, you were met with that toothy grin of his you didn’t seem to be able to get enough of, “it suits you pretty well.”

“Oh, I—” You weren’t sure whether to be thankful for your friend for saving you from embarrassing yourself over not knowing how to react to Hongjoong’s unprovoked compliment, or to completely loathe her for cutting in between your conversation with him once again.

You’ve been getting deja vu over the parallels between everything that’s been happening right now that has already happened before although under a different situation way too often it’s actually starting to make your head hurt.

The loud ringing of your phone echoed around the empty library, and once again, you found yourself contemplating between pressing the green button or the red one. But not this time, no. You figured she’s probably calling to ask you whether you’ve borrowed the old book from the library yet, and that’s a question you were capable of answering either through text or personally, so you clicked on the red button, hearing Hongjoong let out a confused hum. “Why’d you decline?”

Because I’m feeling selfish right now and couldn’t care less about my roommate and her linguistics crush, especially not when you’re sitting right in front of me looking so breathtakingly beautiful like you’re an angel from an art museum that came to life and escaped to taste the wonders of life, was what was begging to escape from the pit of your mouth, “It’s probably about the book, so I’ll just talk to her in person later,” was all that came out.

And with the way he looked at you as if he was waiting for you to say something else, you knew he knew of your thoughts. Thankfully, he was kind enough not to bring it up. Or he probably didn’t notice at all. Truth be told, you’re hoping the latter was the case.

“What’s up with your roommate and books, anyway?” He asked curiously, although you could tell there was a hint of playfulness with the way he spoke. “You mean what’s up with her crush from her linguistics class and books?” You shrugged, holding back your laughter when you noticed his eyebrows shoot upward ever so slightly with his mouth agape.

“Oh. So that’s what it’s about, huh?” You let out an exasperated sigh, faking a frustrated expression as you responded, “Unfortunately so.”

Classes had already ended a few minutes ago, but students were still allowed to stay in the library afterwards—at first, you thought the implemented policy was stupid at first, seeing how literally no one ever visits the library, but now, you find yourself being grateful for it.

You both sat beside each other as silence surrounded both of you, but it wasn’t the kind of silence that would drive you on the edge and make you hurriedly think of what you should do or say in order to dissipate the looming tension, no. The silence between you and Hongjoong was comfortable. He wasn’t demanding you to speak, and neither were you. But just as the silence was starting to grow deeper, you were drowning in an ocean of your own thoughts again—specifically, thoughts about Hongjoong.

You weren’t sure when it happened or if you were the one who moved or if it was him, but the distance between both of you was now smaller than how it was a few minutes ago—you were sitting so close beside each other you’d occasionally feel the fabric of his jeans brush against your thigh whenever either of you would move. Since he was now closer, the scent of his cedarwood perfume engulfed you completely. You thought it made perfect sense for someone like him to favor such a scent—it suits him pretty well.

Every now and then, you’d steal a few glances from your peripheral vision while he remains engrossed in his phone, chewing the inside of your cheek whenever you’d find yourself wondering what it would feel like to rest your head on those shoulders of his. You were wondering what it feels like to rest your head on those shoulders of his?

And since you’re way too focused on not making yourself too obvious, you, as usual, fail to notice him doing the exact same thing as well. He was scrolling on his phone, sure, but in reality, he wasn’t even reading any of the posts that were appearing on his feed, way too focused on the way your eyelashes would flutter so beautifully whenever you’d blink.

The awkward smile you gave him when you first met each other in the bookstore is an image he had taken a mental photograph of, the memory still lingering in the back of his head clearly. The first thing he noticed about you that day was the way almost all of the pieces of clothing you wore were adorned in ribbons, as it reminded him of himself, in a way.

But instead of ribbons, anyone could find more than a handful of silver chains attached to almost everything in his closet. You seemed to love wearing knitted sweaters and cardigans, much like how half of his wardrobe consisted of leather jackets in varying designs and colors, though most of them were black, just like how most of yours were pink. It’s amusing to him how you two were so similar yet so different all the same.

The day he went to the park with Wooyoung, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung’s little brother, Kyungmin, he wasn’t really any different from you. You’d never know of it much like the other way around, but even when he went to the park with the same purpose you had, he couldn’t get you off his mind. It was as if his mind was the shore, and you were the waves of the ocean constantly pushing forward after being pulled away by the tides.

So, when he came back to where Seonghwa and Wooyoung were after separating himself from them for a while to look for less crowded areas of the park they could go to, to say he was surprised to see you talking to Kyungmin would be nothing short of a huge understatement.

“What’s Kyungmin doing over there?” he asked Seonghwa and Wooyoung, to which one only laughed at while the other sighed. “He kept on insisting that the girl he’s talking to right now is a princess and wouldn’t let me hear the end of it when I told him she isn’t. Then he ran off, and the next thing we both knew was he’s already tugging on her dress.” Hongjoong’s gaze went back to you, who was now crouching to face Kyungmin eye to eye.

It wasn’t exactly like he could blame the little boy for thinking that way—you did look like a princess, especially with the beautiful dress you chose to wore that day, and not to mention, the natural look of your face he was sure people under the influence—and even those who aren’t—would mistaken as one that belongs to an angel gracing the Earth with her presence.

He couldn’t believe his very own eyes that day. When he left you by yourself when you had to answer a phone call in the bookstore, he was originally supposed to head back to the aisle you were at after checking out the other sections that seemed interesting enough to grab his attention, but just as he was about to, another one of his friends (a.k.a roommates) along with Seonghwa and Wooyoung, Mingi, messaged him, telling him to come home as soon as possible because Yunho burnt the kitchen while trying to remake a recipe he saw on his feed.

At first, he thought they were just messing around with him—a normal occurrence, at this point, but it wasn’t until Yeosang sent a video of the kitchen actually burning to their group chat. Hongjoong could no longer afford to go through all the five stages of grief looking for an apartment that would suffice for eight people, so he immediately left the bookstore and ran faster than the speed of light.

Just as he was about to cross the street the moment the lights for vehicles turned red, he started contemplating between quickly heading back to the bookstore just to bid you farewell or just heading straight to his apartment building. His phone vibrated once again, and his lockscreen was being flooded by notifications of his roommates spamming his DMs, most of them coming from Jongho and San. Only then did the answer become clear to him.

Fortunately, he was able to fix the fifth problem his roommates have created for the week on time, immediately proceeding to scold all of them, save for Seonghwa who just got home from buying groceries and was now cleaning up the kitchen. For a fleeting moment, his mind drifts back to you, making him scold the six men even more than he should’ve, not-so-slightly upset over the fact that they timed burning the kitchen perfectly right when Hongjoong was just about to head back to you and continue your conversation.

Later that night, they were messaging one another one by one privately, each of them all saying the same thing: “It wasn’t really that deep. What got him so riled up?” But not even Hongjoong himself knew the answer to the question he never knew they were thinking of.

He thought he wasn’t going to see you again, and it never failed to make him feel confused whenever he found himself being a little too disappointed over it. So, when he saw you again—talking to his friend’s little brother, if anything, he was at a loss for both words and thoughts. The moment Kyungmin pointed to where he, Wooyoung, and Seonghwa stood, your eyes met for a fleeting second, and with the way he saw your eyes widen ever so slightly, he felt a little too happy over you recognizing him, so he did the first thing he thought of—trying to look as unbothered as possible even though his heart was literally spinning around, begging to be freed.

He failed to realize how smiling at you would’ve been a better option until he saw the way the corners of your lips went downwards ever so slightly upon seeing the look on his face, and before he could even clear things up by waving at you or literally anything to make sure you know he knows you, your gaze was already back on Kyungmin, and by the looks of it, you didn’t seem like you wanted to look his way yet again. To be fair, neither would he.

And as usual, he still couldn’t get you off his mind that day—though this time, it was worse, especially with the realization over the fact that he could’ve walked up to you yet didn’t dawning over him. He was beyond frustrated, to say the least. So, so frustrated he couldn’t even sleep.

Figuring his emotions were way too all over the place for him to be able to fall into a deep slumber, he sat up with a groan, stumbling over with his steps as he went to the living room, finding Yunho sitting by himself on the couch while watching a film that seemed to be a coming of age romance movie.

“What are you all up and about for?” Hongjoong walked around the couch, sitting beside Yunho as the cushion underneath him sank. “I could ask you the same question, you know,” Yunho responded, not even sparing Hongjoong a glance, obviously way too focused on the movie playing on the television screen in front of him.

“Just frustrated over some things.” Hongjoong leaned against the couch, sighing as he initiated a staring contest with the ceiling. With this, Yunho was quick to reach for the remote, pausing the movie before shuffling around so he could face Hongjoong while sitting down. “What’s the matter?”

“Do you ever think about something so often it starts to make you feel frustrated?” His question had Yunho pondering for about a while, making him think about it thoroughly.

“Depends on what this “something” we’re talking about is. I’m pretty sure that would mean two different things, depending on whether it’s “something” or “someone,” so which one of the two is it?” Hongjoong was hoping Yunho wouldn’t bring it up, but oh well. If he’s screwed, then he’s screwed.

All he had to do was stare right into Yunho’s eyes, hoping he’d put two and two together—and luckily, he did. “Since when?” Yunho was surprised, given how Hongjoong isn’t exactly the type of person who’d let himself be bothered by such things. Still, he wanted Hongjoong to tell him all about it, thankful he trusts him enough to do so.

“I don’t know, honestly. We just met by coincidence in the bookstore a few blocks away about a few weeks ago, and I haven’t been able to go through a single day without my head being filled with thousands of thoughts ever since then.”

“By coincidence?” Yunho tilted his head, and Hongjoong was quick to rewind and tell him all about it. After Hongjoong was done telling him about how it started and how it’s going so far, Yunho found himself smiling, already knowing what was up with Hongjoong, while he himself was still left in the dark.

He resorted to convincing Hongjoong to get up and do all the work himself so he’d be the one to come to terms about his feelings first-hand. “You know, nothing’s gonna happen if you keep on refusing to make a move. You can’t just expect your paths to cross once again if you’ve been staying at the same spot for days on end.”

And that was when he messaged Wooyoung privately once he was back in his room, asking if he was free to hang out for the upcoming day and if he wouldn’t mind tagging Kyungmin along with him. You’ll never know he was the reason behind Kyungmin’s second visit to the park, and part of him thinks things will be better off that way.

However, both of you were going through your own predicaments unconsciously. Until now, you still don’t know why you’re thinking of resting your head on his shoulder, and in his case, he still doesn’t know why on Earth he actually debated between bidding you farewell or saving his apartment from its impending doom.

It didn’t help how you weren’t really one to open up to people, so you were left all alone trying to fix the tangled wires inside your head, unlike Hongjoong, who was blessed enough by the gods to have a friend like Yunho. Still, despite being provided moral support and advice, he wasn’t any less oblivious to his feelings than you were.

“What’s it like?” You asked all of a sudden, surprising both Hongjoong and yourself. Much to your surprise, though, Hongjoong let the blooming conversation flow freely as he said in response, “What do you mean?” You shrugged, fiddling with yet another loose stitch of your sweater—you figured you’d definitely have to fix it up once you get home later.

“You know… having a lot of roommates.” You weren’t sure why you were asking about his roommates when you could’ve asked a question about him instead, yet you were blissfully unaware of the fact that Hongjoong was more than happy to hear you ask about his roommates—his best friends.

“It’s fun on most days, yet it’s also very frustrating sometimes. Living with seven people doesn’t exactly sound like the best experience when you’re living in an apartment that can barely fit all of you—even more when more than half of us have proven themselves deserving to be banned from the kitchen.” You laughed at his words, his laughter soon following after, watching you attempting to wind down your voice with a toothy grin on his face. “Why’s that?” You managed to ask in between your stifled laughs.

“Remember when we first met?” How could you ever forget? “Yeah, what about it?” You tilted your head, wondering what your first encounter had to do with Hongjoong’s roommates burning their kitchen. “While you were on a phone call with someone, I was in the middle of checking out the other sections, but just as I was about to head back to where you were, they spammed our group chat with messages, each of them telling me to head back home as soon as possible. Wanna guess why?”

“Please don’t tell me someone actually set the kitchen on fire.” Hongjoong only laughed in response, shaking his head. “Unfortunately.” Your eyes widened slightly, scoffing in disbelief. “You’re lying, aren’t you?” This time, it was now Hongjoong’s turn to look at you in utter disbelief, making you think he was actually offended over you not believing his story for a split second.

“Don’t wanna believe me? Here,” he said, showing you the video waiting to be played on his phone screen as he gestured for you to press the button yourself. As the video started playing, a look of shock spread all over your face as you watched the fire get worse as the video progressed, hearing screams from people whom you could only assume were his roommates.

Someone draped a towel over the flames, hurriedly stepping back when his solution turned out to be an additional problem with the way the fire grew even more. “Mingi, are you fucking stupid?! Take that towel back!” to which the man named Mingi responded with, “No way in hell! San, you do it!” followed by another, “Don’t drag me into the consequences of your stupidity!”

You heard someone from the background yell Hongjoong’s name, and as the camera was turned towards where the sound came from, you were met with the sight of a man who you recognized as Wooyoung hiding behind someone who seemed to be way too calm considering the fact that the kitchen was literally being set on fire—he was even eating an apple, if anything. The video switched to the front camera, revealing a man who, this time, seemed to look too happy despite the fire unfolding right behind him, and he even had the guts to giggle and wave to the camera.

Needless to say, you were left speechless, and the video wasn’t even halfway finished yet. You pressed his screen to pause the video, being met with the sight of him contemplating whether to laugh over the memorable (strangely enough) moment or to let his grudges come crawling back at him.

Looking at the expression on his face, you couldn’t help but laugh, your voice echoing around the quiet halls of the library. “So that’s what living with seven people looks like…” With the way you spoke, Hongjoong was unsure whether you meant it in a good way or not—and if he were to be honest, that’s exactly what made your reaction even more amusing.

“That’s also why I wasn’t able to come back to the aisle after looking around. Sorry,” he apologized, sheepishly rubbing his nape. You were quicker than a millisecond to dismiss his apology, shaking your head as you reassured him that it’s fine and a while has passed ever since that day anyway so you don’t really mind anymore. You had that awkward smile on your face again, and Hongjoong had to put every fiber in him to use in order to hold himself back from just melting right there and then.

Suddenly, your phone rang yet again, cutting your conversation with Hongjoong short. Assuming it was your roommate calling you, you were about to decline the call, but it wasn’t until you read the contact number’s nickname and realized it was your mother calling you and not your roommate.

You were quick to tidy yourself and hung your pink crocheted crossbody bag over your shoulder, reaching for the book that was resting in front of Hongjoong by the table, retracting your hand for a split second when you realized you hadn’t even told him yet that the book your roommate wanted you to borrow from the library was the one he was reading before you approached him.

He looked up at you from his seat, tilting his head. “You need it?” he asked, making you nod. “If you don’t mind, of course, it’s just—” Hongjoong waved you off, gesturing for you to take it, swearing he doesn’t mind at all. Just as you reached for the book once more, his hand rested on its cover at the same time, pushing it towards your direction. It didn’t take you longer than a second to realize your hands were on top of his. Your phone has stopped ringing, and the sound has now been replaced with your thundering heartbeat.

You were the first one to break the contact, taking your hand off his. Too focused on trying to look calm—you have no idea why having composure seems to turn itself into an almost unattainable challenge whenever Hongjoong was around—you fail to notice the way a hint of disappointment flashed on his eyes with you taking your hand off so soon, and it disappeared as quick as it showed up when you reached for the book once more the moment his hand was no longer sitting atop of it.

“I, um, have to go,” you stumbled over your words as you shoved the book inside your bag, “I’ll… see you around?” You sounded way too hopeful for your liking, but before you could take your words back and replace it with something more neutral, Hongjoong beat you to it by grinning at you widely, nodding at your words. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you around.”

But he doesn’t, and neither do you.

Three weeks have passed, and the increasing amount of his library visits were starting to become more noticeable to the seven men Hongjoong shared his apartment with through every passing day. They all went to the same university, so they knew just how annoyingly cruel the campus librarian was, which made things even harder to piece together for them. Hongjoong had also spoken up once about how much he hates the librarian during one of their drinking games when he was under the influence, so his frequent visits at the library were really confusing—save for one person who had an idea what the reason behind it was.

“You’ve noticed it too, haven’t you?” Mingi tilted his head at San who sat across from him, enthusiastically munching on the desserts he ordered while taking a few sips of his coffee in between—clearly, he didn’t hear Mingi’s question. “You’ve noticed it, right?” Mingi repeated his question, this time a little louder in hopes of getting an answer from San. His attempt proved to be successful as San finally looked up at him with a confused expression on his face. “Noticed what?”

“Oh, you know. Hongjoong and his sudden library star user transition,” he shrugged, and San let out a hum of realization after being given context. “Yeah, I have. What about it, though?” Mingi scoffed in disbelief, having a hunch that San was just playing dumb. “Come on, San. Don’t you think it’s strange? Because I do.” But the aforementioned man’s eyebrows only furrowed as he asked once again, “What is?”

“What isn’t strange about it? You know he hates the librarian just as much as we all do, right? Don’t you ever wonder what on Earth is he stopping by the library everyday for?” For a few seconds, the only thing San could do was stare at Mingi from across the table, mouth slightly agape as if he was trying to connect the dots inside his head. And then it clicks—finally. “Oh… Oh. I mean, now that you’ve mentioned it, it does seem a little weird.”

“Right? I asked Seonghwa last night if he knew anything about it, but he told me Hongjoong hasn’t brought up anything related to the library to him so far. I mean, sure, yeah, Hongjoong likes to read, so normally, it would make sense for him to visit the library every now and then—but everyday? Is he reading a compilation of the terms and conditions of every existing app?”

“You may be overanalyzing a little, don’t you think?” A familiar voice spoke up from behind San’s seat at the cafe, making him turn his head around as Mingi only had a smile on his face, already having seen the man enter the cafe before he even approached the two of them. “You know you can visit the library for more than one reason, right?” He gestured for San to move aside, opting to sit beside him as both of them were now facing Mingi, who sat on the opposite side of the table.

“And what would those other reasons be?” Both Mingi and San asked in unison. “I don’t know, maybe the usual things that happen when you’re a college student on the brink of graduation with an eye for attractive people?” Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Yunho, what the hell are you even talking about right now?”

Yunho rolled his eyes, leaning against the cushion of the sofa he sat on. “Think it through, Mingi. Hongjoong wouldn’t even dare to consider visiting the library everyday, had he not been developing feelings for a certain person he often sees there.” Both Mingi and San knew Hongjoong as someone who wasn’t quite fond of the idea of anything romantic, but it’s not like they knew what Yunho knew, anyway, so they resorted to laughing Yunho’s words off.

“You’re not onto something, Yunho,” Mingi began, and San continued his words, saying, “you’re on something.”

“Are you seriously accusing me of being high on a Saturday afternoon? Being high, if anything?” Yunho stared at the two men who were now proudly laughing over their joke in disbelief, frowning when he realized they didn’t even plan on taking his words with a grain of salt. “And are you seriously trying to get us to consider your idea of Hongjoong being hit by Cupid all of a sudden?”

“It’s not an idea, San. Just—would you just listen to at least a goddamn word I’ll be saying?” Yunho ran his hand through his hair, and only then did Mingi and San stop with their antics. Moments of Yunho being upset were extremely uncommon, and whenever it would happen, all of them would always fail to hear the end of it. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry. Where did your theory come from, anyway?”

“For the second time now, it’s not a theory. It’s a possibility loosely based on a conversation Hongjoong and I had a few weeks ago while you were all asleep.”

“So… a theory?”

“God, no!”

“It is, though.” San backed up Mingi, making him pat his back with a grateful expression on his face. “See? He gets me.” Yunho only responded by rolling his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief. “It doesn’t matter whether it’s a theory or not—just hear me out, please.” San could tell Yunho was growing tired of their shenanigans, so he was quick to lock in and get serious. “Shoot.”

“It was around three in the morning already, and I was in the living room watching a movie. Hongjoong suddenly came out of his room and sat beside me, and he asked me a question I wouldn’t have expected to come from him. He asked me if I’ve ever thought of something so often to the point where it drives me frustrated, and based on the look on his face that night, I assumed his answer would’ve been yes if I asked him the question instead and not the other way around. I told him it depends on whether it’s a “something” or a “someone,” and he gave me a look that non-verbally told me it was the latter in his case.”

“So, to sum it all up, he likes someone who visits the library often?” Mingi asked, and Yunho shook his head. “From the looks of it, I’m pretty sure he’s waiting for a certain someone to visit the library everyday.”

“Why the library, though? And why would he have to do it everyday? Doesn’t that sound a little creepy? Or maybe that’s just me, but, I mean, there’s no way you don’t find it weird at all, Yunho,” San said, wondering why on Earth would Hongjoong have to visit the library everyday just to see whoever his crush was.

Yunho sighed, “That’s not exactly the case, you know.” Both Mingi and San’s attention were completely hooked once again, both of them leaning forward on the sides of the table they sat on, eager to listen to what Yunho was about to tell them.

“What I’m thinking is that Hongjoong probably last saw his crush in the library, and that whoever that person is went out of town—but Hongjoong doesn’t know, hence why he keeps on visiting the library everyday in hopes of seeing his crush again.”

“That’s… oddly specific,” Mingi gave Yunho a skeptical gaze, whereas San remained drowning in his own thoughts. “The fact that your theory is actually highly likely to be correct is what scares me,” San said, finally speaking up after a few seconds of silence.

“It’s not a—”

“Yeah, yeah, not a theory! We get it!”

It’s been three months, at most. You wanted nothing more but to leave your hometown and head back to your apartment—you never liked the suffocating feeling the walls of your mother’s household would always give you. You’re starting to miss hearing your roommate’s loud snoring in the brink of dawn, too. You wonder how she’s holding up—it’s not really your thing to keep in touch with people while you’re away as it only makes you miss them even more, and this is something you fortunately remembered at the last minute to tell her before you left.

Your mother had contacted you that time you were hanging out with Hongjoong in the library to tell you to head back to your household as she and her garbage of a boyfriend had scheduled a three month vacation for themselves, leaving you the responsibility to watch over their house while they go out and enjoy their lives to its fullest. How pathetic.

You vividly remember feeling your heart ache with flames while you had to fight back your tears while packing your things—trying so hard to convince your roommate—who you assumed by that time was probably hanging out with the guy from her linguistics class—that you were fine when she was on the other line of the call while you were informing her about your sudden vacation, even though it was painfully obvious you weren’t by the way your voice kept on trembling with every word you spoke.

It didn’t help that all you could think of while spacing out while waiting for the train you took to arrive at its destination was the way Hongjoong’s eyes widened ever so slightly when you placed your hands atop of his by accident, as well as the way he’d flash you that toothy grin of his every single time you’d find yourselves staring into each other’s eyes.

No, it really didn’t help. Especially considering the fact that you don’t even know why the hell you were thinking of him when you were supposed to be upset because of your parents. It really, really didn’t help how thinking of him ended up painting a small smile on your face that was quick to disappear the moment you snapped back into reality.

Yet here you are now, mindlessly staring outside the window of your childhood bedroom, watching the sun slowly fall into a deep slumber as you wonder what Hongjoong could have possibly been doing by the other side of the world. Part of you regrets not taking the old book you borrowed from the library with you, but at the end of the day, you borrowed it to help your roommate forge a connection with her crush, and not with your own, for heaven’s sake. Wait, what?

And then it hits you—he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know you’re out of town and will continue to be for three more days. You wonder if he thinks of you as much as you do of him. You wonder if he’s out there, waiting for you. You wonder if he wonders what you’re doing right now as well. You wonder if he’s concerned about you.

“Oh, God, I can’t do this anymore,” you buried your face in your hands in frustration, sighing heavily as you parted your fingers to glance at your phone placed by your bedside table. Its screen, although pitch black, felt as if it was glaring directly at you, taunting you to take it and just say “screw it” and break your no-contact-during-vacation rule.

And you did, in fact, say, “Screw it.”

Quickly scrolling through your contacts, you wasted no time and immediately dialed your roommate’s number, the constant ringing of your phone echoing around the almost empty surroundings of your bedroom. Most of the things you left here before moving out have already been thrown out, it seems.

“Oh my God!” The screeching of your roommate from the other end of the line made you jolt in surprise, hissing as you felt your ears ring due to how loud her voice was. “Is this real?! I thought you said you wouldn’t call me until you’re back here! What happened?! Is something wrong?! Are you okay?! ARE YOU—”

“Calm down! Do you want me to go deaf or something?” Your voice was as calm as ever, a stark contrast to hers. “Did you really miss me that bad?” Chuckling, you await her response, which arrived faster than a millisecond.

“Did I miss you? Did I miss you? You have no idea how quiet it has been in here ever since you left! I have no one to annoy and it’s slowly driving me insane…” she let out an exasperated sigh, making you laugh. “I’ll be taking that as a yes, then.”

Your roommate clears her throat, going back to the topic at hand. “Seriously, though, why’d you suddenly decide to break your no-contact rule? Are you alright?” Concern was evident in her voice, and it almost made you tear up. You failed to realize just how much you missed her until now.

“I’m still breathing, that’s for sure,” you joked, laughing after hearing her groan as she said, “Now’s not the time for your jokes! Did something bad happen over there?”

“No, not really, but… well, you know, I’m not supposed to come back until Friday this week, but I really don’t think I can stay here for any longer. I’m all alone because my mother and her boyfriend are out on a vacation, and I haven’t had anyone to talk to for the past few months I’m not used to waking up because of my alarm and not because of your loud snoring, you know?”

Truthfully, you really did miss her. But even if you knew she was not the only reason behind you desperately wanting to leave your hometown, you figured you’d have to tell her all about it another time—just not now.

“I can’t tell whether you meant that as a compliment or an insult…” she sighed, making you erupt in a fit of laughter. Darkness was now starting to consume your surroundings, with the moon all up and about. Your bedside lamp is now the only source of light your bedroom has. “Do me a favor and take it as both?”

“Haha, yeah, real funny. I really hate you, you know.” You could tell from the tone of her voice alone that she was rolling her eyes, making you laugh once more—she seriously had to stop, or else you were certain you were gonna have to go to sleep with an aching stomach. “I don’t think you do, though…”

“You know me too well,” she sighed, faking an exhausted tone. “Is there anything you wanna tell me about? Like, you know, literally anything? I feel like all we’ve ever been talking about lately is mister linguistics class who is my man but is technically not my man but will, one day, become my man… come to think of it, I don’t think you’ve ever talked to me about any of your crushes—”

You could still hear her voice through the speaker of your phone, but the moment her words entered your ears, they were all muffled—you were, once again, adrift in a sea of your own thoughts. In a way, she was right about the part where you never talk to her about anything regarding your romantic affiliations—but that’s precisely because you don’t even have one in the first place, and you swore to yourself you’d keep things that way until you graduate.

But right now, as your thoughts drift back to Hongjoong yet again—something that seems to have been happening way too often for your liking at this point, you weren’t so sure anymore.

“—Oh, you do like someone!” Beaming happily, she squealed like a little child winning a plushie from a claw machine for the first time, pulling you back up to the surface of reality. Surprised, you stumbled over your words, “W-What?”

“You suddenly grew quiet when I started talking about relationships, you know.” I did?

“If I were to guess, I’d say there’s a certain someone who came to your mind the moment I mentioned the word “crush” and brought up how you’ve always been so secretive with your dating life.” You could visualize the teasing smile on her face as she spoke, and it made you feel flustered. She was right, but were you really going to tell her that?

“So, who is it? Can I make a few guesses? Promise me you’ll bring a basket of candies home for me if I get it right!” It wasn’t exactly like you were doubting her—it was more on the fact that you, yourself, weren’t even sure if you actually harbor feelings for the only person in your mind right now. If you were to think about it, wouldn’t it be too soon to say you do?

Maybe it was the way he seemed to have an eye meant for seeing everything around him as diamonds in the rough—an eye able to see the best even in those already proven to be the worst. Maybe it was the way he has no fear of expressing himself freely—maybe you just admired that trait of his and wished to have it as your own. Maybe it was the way he’s always eager to thoroughly get to know the details of everything he crosses paths with—the way he reread a book five times just to look for the foreshadowed parts may sound a little silly to be used as an example, but it serves its purpose.

You don’t really know much about him, except for the fact that he lives with seven people whom you could tell he adored so much, and that he liked to design his own clothes. So for a split second, you begin to debate whether you do like him or if you just admire him as a person.

But it wasn’t until you were reminded of the way you felt sparks ignite all over your veins when his fingers first brushed past yours that day in the bookstore, the way you stared at him a little longer than you should’ve when you saw him at the park, the way you had to hold yourself back from unconsciously leaning your head on his shoulder that day in the library—maybe the way you felt about Hongjoong was a whole book itself, and you’d also have to reread it a few times to catch everything you’ve overlooked in the long run.

You may not know him at all, but right now, one thing was crystal clear to you—you wanted to.

“Do you know the…” A little uncertain at first, you trailed off, not knowing whether you should continue or not. But then again, running away wouldn’t draw you any closer to your destination. “... Do you know anyone named Kim Hongjoong?”

Silence engulfed both of you for at least ten seconds at most, until it was broken by yet another squeal of hers. “Are you for real?! The Kim Hongjoong?! You like him?! Oh my God! Wait, now that I’m thinking about it, aren’t you two, like, polar opposites, at most?”

If only she knew.

“I guess…? Why?” You decided to play along with her for now, eager to hear what she has to say. “You two would totally be the cutest couple of the whole campus! I mean, come on, think about it! He’s a punk, and you do ballet! Well, technically, you don’t, but I trust you enough to rest assured you get the reference, so…”

“You think so?” Truth be told, you could perfectly visualize the message she was trying to deliver. Subconsciously, a smile soon began to creep up on your face over the thought of you and Hongjoong walking together, the stark contrast between your styles and the way you carried yourselves being heavily obvious.

“Oh, I know so! Wait, though—when, where, why, and how did this even start? I can’t believe you’re actually telling me about your dating life now!” She beamed, but you were quick to tone her down. “Now…? I don’t even have any experience within the dating field,” you said, bracing yourself from the scream that was yet to come from her.

“I’m sorry, what?!” Yeah, called it. “You heard it right. I wasn’t hiding anything from you—there were never any secrets to be hidden to begin with.”

“So Hongjoong is your first boyfriend—” “—I think we’re skipping a few chapters here,” you immediately cut her off, turning her assumptions down as fast as you could. “What do you mean?”

“Well… remember when you asked me to buy that one psychological thriller book from our local bookstore there?” You started, continuing after hearing a hum from the other line. “That was when I first met him. He was going to buy the same book as well, but we reached for it at the same time, and, I don’t know, we kinda… talked? And…”

You continued on, starting from when you first met him to when you last saw him. At this point, you could no longer even count the amount of times she had squealed over the phone.

“Wait, so you mean to tell me you didn’t even exchange contacts before you left the library? And he doesn’t know why you left?!” You could tell she was frustrated—and to be fair, so were you. “Well, if I did, we’d be talking to each other right now, wouldn’t we?” You sighed.

“So that means it’s been three months since you… wait, hold on… three months? Like, actually?” You have no idea why she was asking for confirmation all of a sudden, yet you let out a hum of approval anyway. “So that’s why he’s been… oh my God! If you don’t come back as soon as you can, I swear!”

“Huh? Why would I need to?”

“Hongjoong’s been visiting the library everyday for three months straight now! It’s, like, one of the many things our whole campus gossips about everyday! It all makes sense now…” What?

“What?”

“I’m telling you, you need to come back before it’s too late and he loses hope!” You couldn’t help but laugh at how she seemed to be more passionate about the topic at hand than you yourself, but in a way, she also had a point. There’s no guarantee he’d continue to wait for you until you’re finally allowed to leave your mother’s household.

And that was all you needed to hear for you to immediately hang up and rummage through the clothes you packed with you for your vacation—you could hardly even call it such, but whatever. You have no idea why you’re in such a rush, but for the first time ever, you opted for a casual look: a white shirt with an oversized pink hoodie with a half-done zipper on top of it, paired with shorts that weren’t even visible due to the hoodie’s length. You quickly slipped on a pair of white socks and wore your pink converse afterwards, having to re-do the shoelaces about three times due to messing it up over and over again because of how you were in such a rush.

You didn’t even have time to stand in front of your mirror to see what you looked like—your mind was set on coming back to you and your roommate’s apartment as soon as you could.

For a minute, you were stuck in a debate between following what you had to or what you wanted to. You knew for sure that dire consequences were to wait ahead of you if you were to follow the latter, but you could no longer find it in you to care. You had to follow your heart.

Sighing under your breath, you finally got yourself to twist the doorknob open, being met with the cold breeze of the night. Perhaps it wasn’t the best decision to wear shorts, but it’s too late to reconsider things now, is it? Quickly locking the door with your keys in hand, you wasted no time in sprinting to the nearest train station, not wanting to waste the chance that laid itself upon you.

“Mind explaining what’s been going on with you lately?” Seonghwa asked, hands on either side for support as he leaned against the kitchen counter, eyes boring directly into Hongjoong, who was standing across him, too busy spacing out that Seonghwa was certain he didn’t hear anything at all.

“What?” Hongjoong’s voice was a little slurred, and one could easily tell he lacks sleep. “I said, do you mind explaining what’s been going on with you lately?” Seonghwa enunciated his words so Hongjoong could hear him better, only for the said man to respond with a chuckle.

“You really gotta stop overanalyzing everything around you, Seonghwa.” Yet the aforementioned man wasn’t having any of it. He knew very well of Hongjoong’s tendencies to deny his own struggles—even to himself, always refusing to admit he’s going through something even though it’s already crystal clear. Of course, Seonghwa and the rest knew to respect his boundaries and not pry further, but the circles under Hongjoong’s eyes were starting to grow darker, and he just couldn’t sit back and do nothing.

“I’m not buying your excuses this time, Hongjoong. Clearly, you’re forcing yourself to go through something all alone again.” Seonghwa sighed, brows furrowed in concern as he took in Hongjoong’s appearance.

“What? Like it’s the first time I’ve ever done so?” Hongjoong chuckled, although it was easy for Seonghwa to tell he was forcing it upon himself. “You know you can’t keep everything to yourself forever, right? They’re all worried about you, and so am I. Look, you don’t have to tell me all the details, okay? Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“How on Earth am I supposed to feel when someone tells me ‘see you around’ but then they proceed to literally disappear right after those words come out of their mouth? Wouldn’t you be downing a dozen shots in one streak too?” From the way Hongjoong spoke, it was clear that he was beyond frustrated. His words came out slurred and raspy, and even Seonghwa himself was surprised he understood what Hongjoong said.

Brows furrowed in confusion, Seonghwa leaned forward from the counter, clearly not knowing what the hell Hongjoong was talking about. “Woah, woah, alright, calm down. Where’d all this even come from?”

“It’s been three months—three months, Seonghwa. Disappearing without a word is one thing, but not showing up for three months is just absurd, isn’t it?” Hongjoong groaned, running his hands through his hair. Still confused, Seonghwa attempted to ask for a little more context. “Who are you even talking about?”

“Her, Seonghwa. The girl whose name I could’ve gotten sooner, had those stupid goons not decided to burn our kitchen. The girl Kyungmin mistook for a princess.”

Oh.

So it all makes sense now. It now makes sense that Hongjoong scolded the rest of them for almost burning their apartment way too harshly than he normally would have. It now makes sense why he caught Hongjoong staring at the girl from the park longer than any other person would have. It now makes sense that—does this mean what Seonghwa thinks it does?

Hongjoong likes someone? The Hongjoong, who swore he’d never allow himself to get into a relationship yet again after a bad falling out with one of his exes a few years ago? The Hongjoong, if anything?

“Can I take a wild guess and assume she’s the reason behind your daily library visits?” Seonghwa asked carefully, not wanting to hit a wounded spot by accident. Hongjoong only sighed, “I wish she wasn’t. Really, really wish she wasn’t.”

“Why? Do you like her?”

Does he like you?

At first, Hongjoong refused to accept the terms. He knew very well of his promise to himself not to fall for anyone again, tired of experiencing the same hardships that came along with it over and over again. He knew he shouldn’t be thinking of you as often as he does. He knew he shouldn’t be letting you affect him in the simplest ways possible.

Yet here he was now.

“I tried to stop myself, you know. I really did. But I just—I couldn’t. I didn’t have it in me to forget about her just like that, even if she’s been gone for three months straight now and I don’t even know where she is.” Seonghwa could tell Hongjoong meant every word he said. It was still mildly surprising, but the words came out of his mouth so smoothly it was enough to tell Seonghwa he was really being genuine.

“I know I look stupid waiting like a dog in the library everyday, hoping I’d be met with her awkward smile when I turn my head towards the door whenever I hear it open, but I just—I can’t, you know? I can’t stop. Not when the last words we spoke to each other was about seeing each other around. I can’t help but wonder if I messed up unknowingly, somehow.”

Seonghwa’s gaze softened, stepping forward to gently caress Hongjoong’s shoulder in a comforting way. “Why not go on a midnight stroll? I think you really need one right now. I’ll make sure they won’t burn the kitchen again this time, okay?”

“You really know how to make me feel better, don’t you?” Hongjoong chuckled, looking upwards to prevent his tears from falling down. “I’m gonna need you to remember the fact that we’ve known each other since we were kids. Of course I’ll know that,” Seonghwa sarcastically said, although a smile was plastered on his face.

At this point, you were certain your legs were about to give up before you could even reach your apartment. The train you took had a major malfunction in the long run, but you didn’t have it in you to wait for 30 minutes until the train would start working again, so you did the only thing you could—run. Okay, that was most likely not the correct solution, but it wasn’t like you had any other choice. You need to head home at least before 8:30AM tomorrow, since that’s usually when your mother would call you to ask how you, or rather, her house, is doing.

You stopped between your tracks to catch your breath, hands on your knees as your chest heaved with exhaustion. You decided to walk for at least a few minutes for now so you could regain enough energy to start running again later on, knowing there was absolutely no way you’d be able to keep on sprinting without passing out in the middle of it.

You were walking on an empty road, the dim lamp posts and the convenience stores from a distance being your only sources of light. As you were peacefully admiring your quiet surroundings, you spotted a coastline from a fair distance besides the road, only about a few steps away. As you drew closer to where the waves of the ocean met the sand, you saw a figure from afar sitting on a boulder all by themselves.

Except it wasn’t just a figure.

Your heart started racing, eyes widening in surprise as you focused your gaze on the person’s hair—you couldn’t have been mistaken. You know exactly who that split-dyed hair belongs to.

Before you even knew it, your feet had a life of its own, running towards where the figure was sitting even though your legs were literally about to give up after running for half an hour without stopping.

“Hongjoong?”

He turned around almost right after you called out his name, eyes all puffy and widened in surprise, blinking repeatedly as if he was trying to process the fact that you were standing right in front of him.

“It’s you.”

You no longer even cared if your actions were way too straightforward, immediately engulfing him in a warm, tight embrace as you buried your face in the crook of his neck. “Hongjoong—I’m sorry, I just…” Your voice came out as nothing but trembling whispers blending it with the midnight breeze.

For at least a few seconds, all he did was stand still, not an ounce of his body reacting to your touch. Afraid he might not have been comfortable with what you were doing, you were quick to take a step back, removing your face from his neck.

Yet just as you were about to release the grip you held around his body, he was quick to wrap his arms around yours, this time being the one to embrace you tightly. Hongjoong’s arms envelop you, holding you tightly against him. The warmth of his body, the gentle rise and fall of his breath—it’s an entirely new feeling, yet it felt soothing all the same, as if this was where you were always meant to be.

You let yourself let loose in his embrace, feeling the tension and worry of the past three months slowly melt away. You close your eyes, savoring the moment as you bury your face in his shoulder. The subtle scent of his cedarwood cologne that you missed so much mixed with the salty sea air lingers in your senses, making you feel grounded and safe.

His chin rests on top of your head, and you can feel him take a deep breath, almost as if he’s trying to breathe you in and reassure himself that you’re really there. His embrace feels secure and protective, as though he’s shielding you from the heavy burdens of the world weighing upon you.

You notice his hesitation in the way his hands pause on your back, almost unsure of how to hold you at first. But eventually, after being allowed a little more seconds to familiarize himself with the feeling of your body resting against his, he started rubbing your back in soothing circles, making you feel lightheaded—as if all of your worries have slipped away with just a single touch.

He removes his chin from the top of your head, making you stare into his eyes with a teary gaze as he does so to yours as well. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you about it beforehand, I…” you trailed off, words getting stuck in the middle of your throat after feeling Hongjoong cup your face with his hands, “... It all happened so fast, I… my mother needed me home right away, and I just couldn’t say no to her… I wish I could’ve told you beforehand, but she only told me why she needed me home when I was already there, so I couldn’t…”

Hongjoong’s gaze softens as he listens to your words. He gives you a small, understanding nod, but you can still see the hint of hurt in his eyes—his dark circles were so visible, even under the dim light of the moon. He pauses for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts, before speaking.

"I thought I might have done something wrong," he admits quietly, vulnerability evident with the way he spoke.. "I kept wondering if you were upset with me. It was... hard not knowing what happened.”

“When you left without a word, it felt like my world shifted,” Hongjoong begins. “We were in the library, and the last thing you said was you’ll see me around—but I didn't see you again. Not the next day, or the day after. I just kept going back, hoping you’d show up. It didn’t make sense—you were there, and then you were gone.”

“I started overthinking everything, replaying our conversations in my head. I wondered if I said something wrong or came on too strong, that maybe you didn’t want me to. I was scared that I might have scared you away somehow," he admits, and the way his voice trembled ever so slightly made your heart twist in pain.

“Hongjoong, I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to leave you wondering if you ever did something wrong—I didn’t like what happened just as much as you do. I just… it’s complicated…” Truth be told, it really was.

Still, Hongjoong nodded with a faint smile on his face, reassuring you that he understands.“I know it wasn’t intentional,” he said, caressing your face with his thumb. “The nights were the hardest. I’d lie awake wondering if you hated me or if I had done something to upset you.”

You reach up to caress his face with your hands as well, staring at him with eyes that hold a swirl of emotions. “God, no, it never had anything to do with you… I’m so sorry for disappearing like that," you say softly, your voice filled with a mixture of guilt and frustration. "I wish I could have told you what was happening, but my mother... she wasn’t easy to deal with.”

As you hold Hongjoong close, you sense there’s more he wants to share, but he seems to be holding back, seemingly at war with his own emotions. You give his hand a reassuring squeeze, encouraging him to express himself.

He lets out a heavy sigh, his expression a mix of longing and frustration. “I’ve been trying so hard to sort out how I feel about all of this,” he begins slowly. “I’ve been at war with my own thoughts ever since you left. Trying to keep my feelings under control, trying to convince myself it was just a worry for a friend. But it just… doesn’t add up.”

He pauses, running a hand through his hair, his gaze on a far distance. “Every day, I would tell myself I could keep it together, but I kept thinking about you so much, it was starting to drive me insane,” he admits, although a little hesitantly. “I tried to keep it down to just concern, but it wasn’t enough. My mind kept circling back to you, wondering where you were, if you were okay.”

His eyes meet yours again, making your breath hitch. “I’d go to the library every day, hoping to see you, hoping to hear your voice again. It was maddening, not knowing if you’d come back or if I’d lost you completely,” he sighs, as his grip on the skin of your waist becomes a little tighter. “I just couldn’t shake it off,” he continues, his voice quieting down.

“You were on my mind all the time, and the more I tried to ignore it, the more frustrated I became. I tried so hard to deny it, but...” he pauses, taking a deep breath, as if he’s steeling himself for what comes next.

“Oh, screw it all,” he finally mutters, as if giving in to his own feelings. “I love you, and I don’t think I can hold it back any longer.”

“You… What?” Your eyes widened in surprise, struggling to process Hongjoong’s words. Hongjoong only smiled at you in return, repeating his words, “I said I love you. I really, really do.”

“Hongjoong,” you begin softly, your voice carrying a hint of nervousness. Hearing his name slip out of your mouth sent his nerves going haywire—oh, how he missed the sound of it.

“When I had to leave so suddenly, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It was so difficult not being able to explain what happened or tell you how much you mean to me.” You pause, trying to find the right words.

“You know, I… I promised myself I wouldn’t let anyone in until I graduated," you confess, your voice being a little softer than it already was. “So when I first started catching feelings for you, I was in complete denial. I didn’t know how to handle it.” You look away for a moment, feeling embarrassed.

“It was a war with myself, one I never expected to fight," you continued. “I told myself it was just a phase, just a fleeting crush. I even thought maybe I was imagining things or confusing friendship with something more.”

You let out a small, nervous laugh, trying to hide the depth of your feelings. “I even tried to tell myself that you were just a good friend, that I was misinterpreting my own emotions,” you admit. “But the more I tried to distance myself from my feelings, the harder it became. My heart kept betraying me, reminding me how much I looked forward to seeing you again, how your smile could light up my whole day.”

Your tone grows quieter as you share your struggle. “I kept thinking, ‘This can’t be happening. Not now. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for anyone,’” you say, vividly remembering the battle with your own feelings you once faced. “But every time I thought of you, it became harder to deny it. My heart wouldn’t let me forget you, and it drove me insane. Eventually, I lost control, and…”

You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to face the reality of your feelings. “Now that I’m standing here with you, hearing you pour your heart out, I just… I can’t deny it anymore,” you admit. “I’ve fallen for you, Hongjoong, and I’m done pretending otherwise.”

And that was all it took for him to inch his face closer to yours, intertwining your lips with his. The kiss was nothing short of pent-up tension being released, and you could feel every part of your body being set aflame.

His hands wrap themselves around your waist, its grip on your skin tightening every now and then. Your hand traces his jawline, soon finding itself tangled in his hair while the other one balls the fabric of his shirt into your first, feeling yourself get even more lost in the moment with each passing second.

As the kiss intensifies, there’s a sense of exploration, as if both of you are savoring the taste and feel of each other’s lips for the first time. Hongjoong’s hands slide up your back, one hand finding the nape of your neck, his touch gentle yet firm as if he was using every single fiber within his body to hold himself back, sending a shiver down your spine.

You mirror his movements, one hand now resting on his shoulder while the other presses against his back, wanting to be as close as possible. The world around you fades away, leaving just the two of you lost in the moment.

As your lips finally part, you both find yourselves gazing into each other’s eyes as if both of you believe the other hung up the stars in the sky. “You know,” Hongjoong began to speak. “As grateful as I am that you’re back here with me now… I can’t help but wonder where on Earth you came from...”

“Can we please save that discussion for another time?”

🪞 — lividstar.

#౨ৎ﹒ノ﹒lividstar．#ateez #ateez fluff #ateez fic #hongjoong #hongjoong x reader #hongjoong fluff #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #atz x reader #ateez x reader

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apocalypticavolition · 1 year

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Let's (re)Read The Eye of the World! Chapter 7: Out of the Woods

Welcome back to my continued to be filled with spoilers reread of The Wheel of Time. If you don't like spoilers, retreat to the woods or possibly start vandalizing your nearest auto body customizer, depending on what's more convenient to you! If you do, read on.

First, I realize I'd been forgetting to do chapter icons since my bad day so let's cover those real fast!

The Gleeman had a harp icon, which is sort of Thom's personal chapter symbol, so naturally he's the biggest player in that chapter.

The Westwood had a heron-marked sword icon, which usually refers to blademasters, including Rand. It likely symbolizes Tam and his recollections of the Bloody Snows.

Both this chapter and Winternight have a leafless tree with the moon behind it, often referring to travels through the woods at night (like Rand had to do to get back to the house in chapter five). I guess in this chapter it just refers to getting out of the woods because dawn breaks early into it and Rand reaches the village soon after.

Okay, hopefully that's the last time I forget and realistically it is the twenty-sixth to last. Onto the text!

He no longer felt the strip of cloth digging into his shoulders, but then he felt nothing in his shoulders except numbness, nor in his feet, for that matter. In between, it was another matter. His breath came in labored pants that had long since set his throat and lungs to burning, and hunger twisted his stomach into queasy sickness.

You can tell Jordan was no stranger to all-night marches through the woods. His military experience really elevates a lot of these kinds of sequences.

Vaguely he caught the smell of woodsmoke. At least he was almost there if he could smell the village chimneys. A tired smile had only begun on his face, though, when it turned to a frown. Smoke lay heavy in the air—too heavy.

Poor Rand, having come so far only to be smacked in the face by reality now. At least he's clever enough to figure out what he missed: that the Trollocs heading down the road to his house implied they'd been coming from where the road led.

Grimy-faced villagers, some yet in their night clothes, poked through the ashes, here pulling free a cookpot, there simply prodding forlornly at the wreckage with a stick.

The Grinch should have just burned the Whos out of Whoville. There wouldn't have been any wimpy singing then!

The destruction seemed scattered at random through the village. Five houses marched untouched in one row, while in another place a lone survivor stood surrounded by desolation.

Is it actually at random, or did every house hit have a young man in the general age range living in it?

Egwene, running by with her arms full of bedsheets torn into bandages, looked around at them without slowing. Her eyes stared at something in the far distance; dark circles made them appear even larger than they actually were.

Like Rand, Egwene has spent the whole night running around and trying to deal with the wounded, though she has the slight benefit that her family isn't among them. Though she's seen a lot more people, and probably a lot of dead men. It's no surprise that when she figures out Moiraine is her ticket out of here, she runs. She's traumatized already.

He wondered why her hands were clean when smudges of soot marked her cheeks.

Because something even more valuable than the printing press survived the Breaking, Rand. People know to wash their hands when tending the sick and wounded, but she hasn't had time to clean herself in any other way.

Alsbet cracked one’s skull with a frying pan. She took one look at the ashes of our house this morning and set out hunting around the village with the biggest hammer she could dig out of what’s left of the forge, just in case any of them hid instead of running away.

Really, it's kind of surprising that the Two Rivers folk needed Perrin to come home when they had Alsbet.

“You have to do something. You have to. You’re the Wisdom.” Pain twisted her face, but only for an instant, then she was all hollow-eyed resolve again, her voice emotionless and firm.

Poor Rand, to have come so far and survived so much only to be told it's all for nothing. And poor Nynaeve, to finally have everyone's unconditional respect only when she can't help them as much as she wants to.

Suddenly he was knocked back a step as Egwene cannoned into him, throwing her arms around him. Her hug was hard enough to bring a grunt from him any other time; now he only looked silently at the door behind which his hopes had vanished.

I'm really sad that their relationship is all downhill from here (well, flat for a few books but then downhill). It's a shame that they can't come to express this kind of care for each other at the end.

Oh and because I'm being fair, note that Jordan is using an anachronistic verb here. A lot of people give Sanderson shit for his anachronisms but Jordan wasn't quite perfect, especially in this first book.

Another of the Dhurran stallions passed him, its harness straps tied around the ankles of a big shape draped with a dirty blanket. Arms covered with coarse hair dragged in the dirt behind the blanket, and one corner was pushed up to reveal a goat’s horn.

Earlier Rand saw one of the stallions dragging something towards what he thought were Bel Tine bonfires, but we can now discount that impression well before he catches up to the truth. The three flames are just for cremating the enemy dead.

As he made his way down the Green, people called to him, some from the ruins of their homes, asking if they could help. He heard them only as murmurs in the background, even when they walked alongside him for a distance as they spoke. Without really thinking about it he managed words that said he needed no help, that everything was being taken care of. When they left him, with worried looks, and sometimes a comment about sending Nynaeve to him, he noticed that just as little.

This is a little microcosm of a lot of Rand's interactions with his allies to come, and it's no surprise he doesn't associate this dissociation with anything negative when it's rather adjacent to his meditation technique AND on this first big occasion it's going to pay off as well as he could hope.

All that was left of the peddler’s wagon, though, were blackened iron wheel-rims leaning against the charred wagon box, now on the ground. The big round hoops that had held up the canvas cover slanted crazily, each at a different angle.

Is there any Darkfriend who doesn't get screwed over by their association with the Shadow?

Suddenly he found himself facing something scrawled on the inn door, a curving line scratched with a charred stick, a charcoal teardrop balanced on its point. So much had happened that it hardly surprised him to find the Dragon’s Fang marked on the door of the Winespring Inn.

Rather amusingly, despite the ill-intent of the symbol, it serves as a foretelling of who has come to the inn on the first day of spring.

“Nynaeve wouldn’t do anything. She said she couldn’t help him. I knew . . . I hoped you’d think of something.”

It's also something of a microcosm of the series as a whole that every authority figure is failing Rand, even these ones who mean well. By the end of the series, virtually all the major power players will have been replaced by Rand or his enemies, or be part of a weird prophecy clique that meant forsaking all of their actual duties that he was counting on them fulfilling. The Wise Ones are basically the only exception and they've spent the last 3,500 years prepping for his arrival.

“I was just wondering,” Thom said, tamping his long-stemmed pipe with his thumb, “if the Mayor knew who scrawled the Dragon’s Fang on his door.” He peered into the bowl, then looked at Tam and replaced the unlit pipe between his teeth with a sigh. “Someone seems not to like him anymore. Or maybe it’s his guests they don’t like.”

Thom is of course so addicted to speaking in riddles that he can't give a straightforward bit of advice in a medical emergency. Thanks Thom!

“We just ran like chickens with a fox in the henyard till Master Lan put some backbone into us.” “No need to be so hard,” Thom said. “You did as well as anyone could. Not every Trolloc lying out there fell to the two of them.”

I suspect that really some people - like Alsbet - were putting up a struggle the whole time and that Moiraine and Lan only rallied the stragglers.

Help from an Aes Sedai was sometimes worse than no help at all, so the stories said, like poison in a pie, and their gifts always had a hook in them, like fishbait.

And in this case, Moiraine has a hell of a hook.

“Some of the stories are exaggerated, in a way,” Thom added, as if the words were being dragged from him.

It actually really pains Thom to suggest a young boy seek out the Aes Sedai, all things considered. And it says a good deal about him that he can put aside a very justifiable hatred, even only a little, for the good of a complete stranger.

“Seven bands. Seven! That many have not acted together since the Trolloc Wars. Bad news piles on bad news. I am afraid, Lan. I thought we had gained a march, but we may be further behind than ever.”

Trolloc bands are another thing that will rapidly become irrelevant. I think they get mentioned again in Jordan's last book, but really only as a background detail. I'm much more interested in Moiraine saying they're "further behind than ever". They weren't especially behind in New Spring. What's changed since then?

Surely there must be something about an Aes Sedai to mark her for what she was.

The ageless face. The Great Serpent ring. Sorry that she's not wearing a jersey that says "Damodred 01" so that you know she's the tiniest member of the Blue Ajah.

“A night like that can give a man bad dreams, Rand. If you have nightmares, you must tell me of it. I can help with bad dreams, sometimes.”

I think the sleep deprivation is both making Moiraine seem creepier than she intends to and preventing her from considering that Rand wouldn't have had much sleep today either.

“I’ll pay any price in my power if you help him. Anything.”

Just imagine if Rand had been involved in the Bowl of the Winds debacle; he'd make Elayne and Nynaeve look like Nelson Mandela. "We'll give you all land within a hundred miles of a river if you just agree to use the Bowl that we hereby agree has always been your property and that we owe you rental payments with interest on."

(Yes Rand is a shrewder negotiator by that point but come on he's spent a few pages panicking about Aes Sedai help and instantly agrees to be screwed over every which way if she'll just help him.)

“Death comes sooner or later to everyone,” the Warder said grimly, “unless they serve the Dark One, and only fools are willing to pay that price.”

This is foreshadowing for the Forsaken resurrections of course, but it's also amusingly backwards. Serving the Dark One means you get MORE deaths per lifetime than the average, not fewer.

“You think only of taking care of me. Why should he not think the same of his father?” Lan scowled, but fell silent.

Just like Rand spent all of yesterday afternoon hoping Lan would adopt him, Lan has spent much of his freetime hoping he gets to adopt the crazy Aiel farmer, so seeing him suddenly so loyal to his REAL adoptive father is very hurtful after such a miserable night.

#let's read #wheel of time #wot #robert jordan #wot reread #wheel of time spoilers #wot spoilers #rand al'thor #egwene al'vere #nynaeve al'meara #thom merrilin #moiraine damodred #lan mandragoran

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inu-jiru · 2 years

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HB Episode Thoughts...

Since I’ve made a few posts about Helluva Boss now, I figure I’d get my thoughts out now that I’ve seen the episode. Sorry if I echo points others have made, I’ve skimmed through the critical blogs after watching the episode to see if they caught things my goofy ass might’ve missed lol

When I initially watched the episode, I was kinda impressed because it wasn’t a pile of shit like Seeing Stars or The Circus, at least at first. I admit, I’m biased because I like Moxxie as a character, so I might be softer on this episode than I should, but make no mistake, this episode is goofy with a capital G.

First of all, and I know this is my fault for speculating because I give Vivzie way too much credit when it comes to episode plots, but I really thought there was going to be some kind of solo adventure with Moxxie and Chaz and it would be a more high stakes thing than “Hey Moxxie we’re gonna force you to marry someone even though ur married so you can inherit his money that we didn’t check to see if he actually had” (real trusting mafia btw smh). But again, that’s my fault, fool me once shame on you and all that shit.

Second, I’ve read Adam’s little Tweet about Moxxie’s MOM being from Wrath instead of Moxxie himself which is like, sure, whatever, but I just love how this has become a trend for the crew to have to write cliffnotes to make up for their fuck ups lol, like before the reveal of Crim’s mansion I was thinking, “Oh so maybe they just have a business in Greed right” but again that’s my fault for thinking too hard (and I didn’t watch the con videos entirely cuz I wanted to be surprised)

Third, one thing that I found odd was Blitzo’s casual nature about everything, like I know he’s just forgotten everything from the previous episodes but surely if he cares about Moxxie like he claims to, he’d be on the immediate offense like Millie, he’s got no qualms about taking people out so the episode could’ve been over just like that. AND SPEAKING OF-

Four, Millie being OP like that ruined any tension for me smh my head like girlpower gaslight gatekeep whatever but they could’ve killed the whole mob and left honestly, and yeah, it’s goofy that Millie can do all that but get taken down by a glass bottle. I bet some goofy bitch on Twitter is gonna say “Oh well time passed so she had more time to train” shut the fuck up and get out of my face with that shit

Fifth, this is probably goofy of me because I know animation takes a while and Vivzie kept replacing/overworking animators but part of me gets a vibe that Chaz was made purely to spite anyone who thinks Angel Dust and Stolas are too sexual. Then again, that would imply Vivzie doesn’t find that shit the funniest shit since sliced bread so probably not. He was so fucking annoying too, and his plot made no fucking sense because all someone needed to do was look in his fucking trunk and they’d see he was full of shit. Goofy.

Sixth, Crim, what the fuck was that plan? So like, is he low on money? Is that why ne needs Chaz to be married in? You know you could just make him an associate right? And on the topic of mob shit, why is Crim a mob leader and not, idk, in charge of a crew that answers to higher powers? I mean MAYBE that’s the case because of Mammon, but again, I shouldn’t really try to speculate because some completely out of left field shit might happen again. Is Crim Moxxie’s only blood family as well, like where the fuck are the other imps? Why is it only a dad and his kid (and MAYBE a mom) for all these families? I know it’s not important to the episode but there’s a reason why people say the show feels empty because there’s no one but the main cast and the antagonists.

Seventh, uh, idk, the animation was decent. I’ve seen talk about directing and camera work and Idk shit about that but I do know that episode 2 looked wonky as hell and this episode is an improvement, nothing too special except for that camera angle with Moxxie

Eight omg why couldn’t this episode’s ending be swapped with HMF? Why could Millie not take out the threat at her home and Moxxie not take out the threat at his??? Idk

Okay, I think that’s about it because I’ll be here all night, I’m done bi bi

#helluva spoilers #helluva boss #helluva boss critical #long post #when I tell you my eyes rolled deep into the back of my head when Chaz started singing

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musiccomplete · 1 year

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Explaining each track of the Get The Message reissue bonus disc.

basically just in case you didn’t know Get The Message - The Best of Electronic is getting reissued on the New Order website and it comes with a bonus disk of a bunch of songs, most of which previously unavailable on streaming in North America. I will point out the ones that were already available.

Getting Away with It (Vocal Remix)

So, Getting Away With It (GAWI) has several versions. This one specifically was the twelfth track of the cancelled Best of Electronic album, but hasn’t been officially released since the GAWI cassette and CD remix single, though that was already on streaming since 2013. Nice to see it on a compilation album like it desperately wanted.

Lucky Bag

B-side to GAWI. This was the first promo single for this bonus disc with Electronic’s social media claiming that it’s the first time the song has been released to streaming. It was not it was also available on that digital single. They just lied. It is an instrumental.

Feel Every Beat (DNA Remix)

This is one of the… 6 remixes available on the US CD single. This is the sixth one on the single, just before Second To None. Like GAWI (Vox) this is the first time since its initial release that it’s been printed. Unlike GAWI (Vox) though this was unavailable on streaming.

Lean to the Inside (2013 Edit)

One of two B-sides to FEB. Albeit it is for some reason the 2013 edit from Electronic Electronic’s special edition 10 years ago? I can only assume this was for storage space or something..? The full version is unavailable on streaming too so... weird.

Get the Message (DNA Groove Mix)

A remix of GTM by DNA. Features on the GTM CD single. Available on streaming everywhere except North America and on the American 2022 Record Store Day Mini Album.

Free Will (Edit)

Free Will is the B-side of GTM. The edit itself is probably the 7" one and is probably only down by a few seconds. Anyhow this is also an instrumental. Available on streaming everywhere except North America.

Disappointed (808 Mix)

Ended up being the second promo single! This indeed was completely unavailable on streaming before. Was the fourth track on one of the Disappointed singles.

Idiot Country Two

A remix of Idiot Country (don’t know who remixed it…) from the Disappointed single (theres a lot of variations), also on the 2013 release bonus disk and the RSD mini album. The third promo single, to my chagrin. I don't know why it was the third promo when it was already rereleased twice. Sigh.

Gangster (FBI Mix)

This is also from Disappointed. Previously unavailable on all streaming. Was on the RSD mini album.

I Feel Alright

B-side of For You, originally was meant to be on the cancelled Best of Electronic but when Get The Message first released, its sister, All That I Need, was placed instead. Previously unavailable on North American streaming.

A New Religion

B-Side of Forbidden City. Along with Imitation of Life although ANR was never meant to be on Best Of. This song is especially important if you’re invested in Bernard because it’s the only one he wrote the lyrics to (and partially rearranged) on Prozac. Previously unavailable on North American streaming.

Turning Point

B-side to Second Nature. Was on 2013 Self Titled albeit edited, so this is the first time the full song will be on American streaming.

Until The End Of Time (Fluffy Dice Remix)

UTEOT has a few remixes for its promo single but this one was mixed by Bernard himself. Yknow, GTM’s original tracklist was made by Johnny and Bernard filled in two songs that were missing. Ythink this is a similar case?

All alternate mixes of UTEOT were unavailable on streaming before this, in all regions to my knowledge. This one makes the most sense to reissue.

King For A Day

Bside to Late At Night (which is on GTM album), LAN was a withdrawn single. Previously unavailable on streaming in North America. But was released to Twisted Tenderness' deluxe edition CD. Previously unavailable to stream in North America.

Radiation

Ditto but it’s the Bside to Vivid instead. (And Vivid was not withdrawn…) Radiation is an instrumental. Also released to TT's deluxe CD and previously unavailable in North America.

uhhm. i don't have a conclusion. bye.

#blabber #tidbits #electronic #get the message #i will do one of these with the new substance things in a bit #hell maybe ill just explain comp album tracklists themselves that sounds fun

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likeahorribledream · 3 years

Text

Missing Piece

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader / Beefy!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 4.8k (It's a long one, sorry!)

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Blood, Knives, Guns, Death.

Notes at the end.

The team had noticed the way you and Bucky acted with each other. You weren’t as subtle as you thought you were but no one ever said anything because clearly whatever was happening between the two of you, you weren’t ready to talk about it with everyone.

At first, no one really noticed because they kind of left Bucky alone. Sam was the first to notice. He saw you grab Bucky's hand once when he was feeling anxious. He got so excited he almost told everyone to look at you but his eyes shifted to Steve, the death stare coming from the blonde was enough to make him decide to keep his mouth shut. Then slowly, more and more people noticed until the entire team knew about it.

It was so obvious, even when you weren’t with them because the two of you were always missing at the same time and reappearing at the same time. Bucky always chose to sit next to you instead of Steve and though Bucky was a lot more subtle in his actions, his eyes were a different story. Though some of your teammates wanted to tease you, they changed their minds when they saw how Bucky’s whole being lit up when you smiled or when you laughed. His eyes were almost always on you, even when you weren’t looking at him. It was hard to make fun of something so pure and innocent.

Some of the rare occasions when Bucky was alone with them, as you were busy elsewhere, he was tense and didn’t know what to do with himself. The second you walked in the room his whole demeanor changed: his shoulders relaxed, his frown turned into a smile and he seemed a lot more comfortable talking with other people when he knew you weren’t far.

Steve made everyone promise to not say a word to either of you, not until you were the ones who talked about it first. He wanted to know more, just as much as everyone else because he was curious and he knew as much as the others which wasn’t a lot. Bucky seemed to be doing a lot better and it was enough for him to not ask questions.

The changes might have been a lot more obvious with Bucky but they still saw changes with you, too.

Your smile was much bigger and your laugh much happier whenever Bucky was around. You looked a lot more relaxed when he was in the same room than when he wasn’t and when he wasn’t you always gave quick looks towards the door every few seconds in case he’d walk in. Somehow, when you were in the same room, you always seemed to know where Bucky was even with your back turned to him. It was like a sixth sense.

Then things changed. They didn’t really know what happened with Bucky, all they knew was that he wasn’t doing very well and he never came out of his room anymore. It must have been serious because you always had a frown like you were worrying constantly and you did. You never stayed with them for too long and disappeared for hours at a time.

Some of the team members were envious, almost jealous, of you two. In different ways they all craved attention from someone, they all wished they could have someone that supported them and that was right there with them through the lows and highs. The kind of unconditional love that knew no boundaries. Whatever situation presented itself, you’d get through it together no matter what. It was hard to find someone with the kind of work they did, it was even harder to find someone who was willing to go through hell and back, no questions asked. ‘’Ride or die’’ Natasha liked to say. They were envious because you managed to find all of it in each other and you didn’t even have to leave the compound to do so.

From all of this, the one thing that truly surprised them was that you weren’t together together. It was obvious to absolutely everyone around you that you belonged together, except for the two of you. It didn’t make sense to any of them.

It all became even more obvious when you left on your mission and Bucky had to stay behind. Whenever someone would cross paths with Bucky, he’d be in a bad mood whether he was angry or just looked sad. He walked around with no purpose and just didn’t know what to do with himself.

Tony had been very clear before you left, you couldn’t use your phones. He even made the three of you leave your phones at the compound. The only way you could communicate was through the comms that worked with satellites. You couldn’t risk being tracked. It drove Bucky completely insane.

He went from being able to spend every second of every day with you to not being able to see you or talk to you at all for days and he felt like an addict that tried to quit cold turkey. He hated every second of it.

He always forgot that you had left your phone in your room and texted you a couple of times a day.

Bucky, who used to keep to himself (and to you), was suddenly everywhere. He was training at the gym, eating at the dinner table and watching TV in the living room/home theater. He was constantly nagging at Tony to see if there were any updates. The only answer he had gotten was that you arrived and then, nothing.

The first night you were gone, he tried to sleep in his own bed. He ended up laying awake until morning, unable to fall asleep. It wasn’t surprising, he knew this was going to happen.

The second night, Bucky tried to sleep in his bed again but around 3AM decided to go to your room and tried to sleep in your bed. It didn’t really work but he felt a lot more relaxed and he drifted off to sleep a few times but he missed holding you.

On the third night, he was finally able to sleep. This time he had gone straight to your bed. He took one of the books you had told him about, the ones he couldn’t find anywhere, and read in bed until he fell asleep. It happened so quickly, he fell asleep while he was still holding the book in his hands. He woke up once during the night, just long enough to put the book on the nightstand and then went straight back to sleep. When he woke up again, it was morning and while he slept he had grabbed your pillow and was holding on to it like he would usually do with you. His cheeks quickly turned red from embarrassment and he was glad that no one had been around to witness that little moment. Today was supposed to be the day you were coming back and it was the only reason he got out of bed.

***

The moment you had been in the air, Steve put the jet on auto pilot and came to sit with you and Natasha. You wished you could go back to sleep for a few more hours but you knew that you wouldn’t be able to sleep no matter how tired you were and Steve was already setting up the files and maps to start planning. You did that the entire time until Steve had to go back to the front of the jet and take over the commands to land.

There was a little bit of tension in the air since Steve had read Fury’s orders for the mission. The orders were really simple and he had read point by point until the last one.

‘’If the situation presented itself where any of you was taken hostage, you have to let them take Agent Nineteen and leave. She, and she only, will stay behind.’’

Both Steve and Natasha had turned to look at you, very confused.

Why in the world would Fury order for you to be taken hostage and left behind? You knew the answer but you weren’t allowed to say so you just avoided their gazes until Steve had no choice but to give up, running out of time.

The subject wasn’t brought up again until the very end of the trip, when everything went to shit.

The first day had been taken up mostly by traveling and setting up what would serve as your base of operation for the next few days. It was some kind of abandoned warehouse close to where the jet had been hidden in case you needed to make a quick exit. You set up in a room a few stories up to be able to see all around and not be taken by surprise if you were found. One of you stood watch while the other two slept, taking turns throughout the night. You tried your hardest but sleep never found you. Sleeping on a cold hard floor with only a few blankets for a mattress and the thinnest pillow you had ever seen in your life to rest your head on. The building made loud noises every time there was a gush of wind and it made you jump every single time. Plus, you didn’t have Bucky. You wondered if he had been able to sleep at all. You hoped he was ok. Not being able to see or to talk to him was killing you.

The second and third day, you mostly spent the days surveilling and trying to come up with a pattern of what they were doing. If the team wanted to leave, you had no choice but to go in and get as much information and proof as you could. Only when that was done you would be allowed to leave. Two days seemed like a very short amount of time before deciding to go in but their days went the exact same way from morning to evening. It shouldn’t be hard. On the night of the third day, you were finally able to sleep. Too exhausted and eager to come home.

The fourth day was the day you had decided on going in. The plan was memorized to a T, you knew all the escape routes and you were loaded in weapons. Surprisingly, everything went very smoothly. Too smoothly. It should have raised some flags for any of you but for some reason it didn’t. You were prepared so perfectly, it was probably why it was all so easy.

It wasn’t.

Whoever had given Fury the information had been playing him since the very beginning. They gave him intel without going too much into details and kept a lot to themselves. Important information that would have been crucial to know before you were sent in. They knew you were coming, actually they had planned on it. That’s why their days had been so identical. They wanted you to believe that was how they worked so that you would want to do it fast and quick. It all went down so quickly, you weren’t even sure what had happened. All you knew is that Natasha had been locked out of the building with no way in and both you and Cap were taken.

The scientists wanted Steve. More specifically, Steve’s blood. They were trying to recreate the super soldier serum but it never worked and they wanted to know why. You were just a way for them to control Steve so that he wouldn’t just kill them all with his shield.

That’s exactly what he had planned to do, until there was a sharp knife to your throat and a ruthless man holding you against his chest. In a second Steve had dropped his shield and raised his hands in surrender, his eyes never leaving yours. They dragged the both of you to a lab where they took all your weapons, the knife never left your throat.

You kept your cool, so much so that it was disturbing to both your captors and Steve. He couldn’t understand why you weren’t freaking out. You could die, he could die and yet you hadn’t even flinched once.

The men that had taken you were in charge of security from what you understood. They didn’t really do a good job. When they managed to have Steve comply with their orders, they got so cocky and smug that they forgot to take away your comm.

***

Bucky spent the better part of the morning laying in bed, your bed, not wanting to get up. He was eager to know if you were coming back or if the mission had been prolonged. When he finally decided to get up and get dressed, he went straight to the conference room where he knew Tony was working and keeping in touch with your team while you were away. He walked in, not bothering to knock and Tony seemed frantic. Something was definitely wrong.

Before he could even ask what was happening, Nick Fury was walking in and going straight to the screens, watching over Tony’s shoulder. Bucky’s heart dropped in his chest and he began to feel sick. If Fury was here, then it was really, really bad. He wanted to ask if you were ok but he was too scared of the answer. Neither man seemed to notice that he was there and they just started talking about the situation as if they were alone.

‘’How long ago did Romanoff call it in?’’ Fury asked, his eyes never leaving the screen in front of him.

‘’About 20 minutes.’’ Tony answered.

‘’And how long ago were they taken?’’

‘’25-30 minutes.’’

Bucky almost stopped breathing. Who’s they?

‘’Shit. Any way we can get eyes in there?’’

‘’Nat is completely locked out, she’s been trying to get back in from the moment they got them but so far she hasn’t found a way. She’s trying to find a vent or any kind of opening to get my nano cams in there.’’

Natasha was outside. They had been taken. You. You were "they". But you were with Steve, you’d be okay. Of course you’d be okay. You promised.

It took Natasha almost 10 more minutes but she finally found a way to get Tony’s cameras in the building. They were tiny little cameras built on legs of some sort. Bucky wasn’t really listening; he just wanted to know if you were ok. He walked around the table and stood behind Tony and Fury as soon as they had eyes on you and Steve. His heart was beating so fast, he could barely hear what was said over the sound of his blood thumping in his ears.

He finally saw you, you were ok and alive but Bucky’s jaw clenched when he saw that a man had a knife against your throat. Why was Steve just standing there? He could take them all. But then you would be in even more danger, Steve was quick but he didn’t know if he was quick enough to get to you before the man could cut you open and he wasn’t willing to find out.

Bucky was terrified and angry. ‘’Why did you even send her there? She didn’t need to be there.’’ He said out loud, without realizing it.

‘’She’s doing her job.’’ Fury answered, his tone was harsh and emotionless.

When the audio finally came in through the speaker, Bucky thought he was going to throw up.

‘’You have a choice, Captain Rogers. Either you let us take your blood or she dies.’’

Steve was about to say he was going to give his blood only if they let you go first but you cut him off quickly.

‘’Remember Fury’s orders.’’ You winced as more pressure was applied to the blade.

‘’Shut up, princess. No one’s talking to you.’’ The man who you thought was the leader hissed at you.

Then, he turned his attention back to Steve.

‘’If you don’t give us your blood she dies. If you still don’t want to give us your blood after she’s dead, we’re going after the asset. I’m sure the soldat would be happy to come home.’’

You stiffened at that, slowly starting to lose your cool. ‘’Over my dead fucking body.’’

Your voice was so low, it almost sounded like a growl. The leader’s head snapped towards you and he narrowed his eyes, looking you over.

‘’What did you just say?’’ He took a step forward.

‘’The only way you’re touching even a single hair on the soldat’s head is over. my. dead. fucking. body.’’ You repeated, your attitude was chilling. Steve had never seen you like that.

Bucky was looking at the scene, frozen in place. If it weren’t for the fact that you were in danger, his heart would have melted in his chest at how protective of him you were being but right now he was just angry at you for putting your life in danger for standing up for him.

‘’Baby, please stop.’’ He whispered, as if maybe you could hear him and he could save you from the dangerous situation you were in with these 3 simple words.

The leader laughed in your face, an evil grin on his face. ‘’Be careful what you wish for, princess.’’

Princess. The word made your blood boil every time it came out of his mouth.

Suddenly, a barely audible voice spoke up in your ear.

‘’I’m in. I’m almost to you guys.’’ Natasha whispered, making sure that anyone who didn’t have an ear piece wouldn’t be able to hear.

Steve looked at you. He needed to find a way to stall until she got to you.

‘’I’m getting the both you out of there.’’

On another screen, Bucky, Fury and Tony could see Natasha walking down corridors and knocking out every guard that came at her.

Bucky let himself breathe again. You were almost safe.

‘’Romanoff, you are getting Cap out of there. Agent Nineteen is staying behind.’’ Fury said in the comm.

Bucky’s head quickly wiped to the side to look at Fury. His eyes opened wide.

‘’What the hell are you doing? Get her out of there!’’ Bucky was shaking from anger, almost screaming at Nick Fury.

Even Natasha had stopped moving at what Fury said. ‘’I can get them both at the same time, Fury.’’

Bucky was fuming, his fists clenched by his sides.

‘’Rogers, Romanoff is going to get you out of there. No one is going back for Agent Nineteen until I say so.’’

‘’But Nick-’’ Natasha started but was cut off by the man.

‘’It’s an order.’’ His tone was harsh, this was not a negotiation.

Bucky saw Natasha nod on the screen and she started running again.

‘’I’m in position.’’

Bucky started to panic. Fury was going to get you killed without giving it a second thought.

‘’No, no, no!’’ Bucky was screaming. ‘’What is wrong with you? You’re gonna get her killed! Get her out of there.’’ He pleaded, tears were blurring his vision.

He quickly blinked the tears away to be able to see you.

A lump formed in your throat. You could hear Bucky screaming at Fury. You could hear the panic, the anger and the sadness in his voice. There were so many emotions that could be heard when he screamed that it almost made you lose your composure.

You straightened your back and looked directly into Steve’s eyes. You give him a quick nod to let him know you were ready.

Fury completely ignored Bucky. A second after your nod, Nick spoke again. ‘’Now, Romanoff.’’

It all happened so quickly, most of the men hadn’t even had the time to react. Natasha grabbed Steve and got him out, closing the steel door behind her, locking you inside with the 5 men that had been holding you.

‘’Cap, Natasha get the hell out, now.’’ Fury ordered.

They both hesitated, they didn’t want to leave you there.

‘’I said now.’’ He repeated, this time screaming.

Both of them started to run, leaving you behind.

You quickly assessed the situation, where each man was and what weapon was laying around. You also made a mental note of which one had been the one to threaten Bucky and to call you princess.

The men looked at each other, still in shock of what just happened.

‘’Well, looks like you aren’t needed anymore.’’ He gestured to the man behind you.

Soon after you felt the cold blade slide across your neck. Gurgling sounds could be heard from choking on blood. Bucky’s scream as it happened chilled you to the bone.

Bucky looked at the screen, powerless as the man’s knife moved from ear to ear. He hadn’t even realized that he had screamed.

Blood splattered all over the floor. There was no way he could save you.

Except the blood wasn’t yours. The gurgling sounds weren’t coming from you. The skin on your throat was untouched.

It was the man who had been holding the knife to you that was dying.

Bucky’s knees almost gave out under his weight, relief washing over him.

As the man behind you fell, you quickly grabbed his knife and started moving around the room, fighting the men that were locked inside with you. One by one they fell, some of them you hadn’t even touched but, they were all dead. All dead except one.

You slowly walked over to the man who had threatened to go after Bucky. He was crawling on the floor, trying to get to the door; a bullet hole in his thigh kept him from walking. With your foot under his chest, you lifted him and pushed him over so that he was laying on his back. You crouched down next to his head and tilted your head.

‘’The Winter Soldier’s dead. You lost him and you’re never getting him back. You’re the disgusting heartless monsters, not him. Good won over evil. That’s what you get for trying to break one of the kindest men on this damn planet.’’ You whispered to him, though your comm picked up every single word.

‘’Like I said,’’ You stood up, looking down at him. ‘’The only way you’re getting to him is over my dead body and as you can see, that's not gonna happen.’’

Before he could say anything, a gunshot was heard and finally you were the only one still breathing in the room.

Bucky’s mind was going wild. Thoughts were racing through his brain at phenomenal speed. All he could focus on was that you were safe. You were safe and okay and you’ll be coming back to him. Like you promised. Now he understood why you were so confident when you made that promise to him.

Tony was just as shocked as Bucky. They both stared at the screen, watching you wipe the blood off your hands.

‘’What- What the hell just happened?’’ Bucky finally found his voice again.

‘’Captain Rogers, you can go back in to let Agent Nineteen out.’’ Fury spoke one last time in the comm. He waited until Steve started moving before turning towards Bucky.

‘’I recruited Agent Nineteen after I found old documents about experiments that had been done on her as a baby. Her parents had signed her up for human trials on a medical research they knew nothing about. She was 9 months old. Her parents just wanted to be paid, they gave her away, took the money and they just walked away and never looked for her again. She was injected with a serum that to this day is still unknown. We don’t know if there are more like her out there but what the serum did is to make her… Unkillable. If someone tries to kill her, what they try to do to her happens to them. Like when he tried to cut her open. That’s why she was tasked to stay behind. She’s the only one that can survive anything. Her job is to protect the other Avengers. Before today only her and I knew about her abilities. There aren’t any written records anywhere. She wasn’t allowed to tell anyone. Not even you. She really wanted to tell you Sergeant Barnes. She asked me on multiple occasions for permission to tell you. She was under strict orders not to, for her own safety.’’ Fury started to walk away. ‘’Don’t be mad at her for doing her job. She just saved the lives of her teammates and the lives of who knows how many more innocent people. I’ll be back tomorrow after they have landed for debriefing.’’

And just like that, Nick Fury was gone.

Bucky tried to assimilate all the information that had just been dumped on him. You were immortal. You couldn’t get hurt. You had been experimented on, just like him. You had wanted to share your secret with him, even if it meant putting yourself in danger. You were coming back.

Everything started to fall into place in his mind.

***

You had to wait until Steve opened the door to be able to leave and you were relieved when you saw his face, you needed to get the hell out of here and go home. You needed to be with Bucky, you needed to apologize to him for scaring him and making him believe you were going to die. You felt so guilty. You were scared he would see it as a betrayal and that he wouldn’t want you around anymore. Your heart broke just at the thought of losing Bucky.

Steve looked shocked to see you standing and unharmed.

‘’How…?’’ Was all that came out of his mouth.

You shook your head. ‘’Not here. Fury will explain everything. Can we go home?’’

He nodded and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close as you walked to the exit.

‘’Didn’t know you were some kind of badass, toots.’’

‘’What do you mean you didn’t know? Of course I’m a badass, what made you think otherwise?’’ You looked at him, almost offended that he had doubted your ‘’badassness’’.

***

After hours that felt like days, you were finally preparing to land on the roof of the compound. You had managed to take a shower and changed your clothes, though your hair was still wet, you felt a lot better and looked a lot better.

As you looked outside, you could see the compound and your heart started pounding against your chest. You felt nauseous.

When the jet finally landed, you were frozen into your seat. Bucky’s screams were playing over and over again in your head. There was no way he could forgive something like this. You betrayed him, after you promised you would never hurt him.

You finally got up and slowly walked out of the jet, holding your bag so tightly that your knuckles were white from the tension. You looked around and your heart sank in your chest. Bucky wasn’t there to greet you. That wasn’t good. You walked in the elevator, standing between Natasha and Steve. You kept your head down, looking at your boots.

When the door opened on your floor, another wave of disappointment washed over you. You had hoped that if Bucky hadn’t been on the roof it was because he was waiting for you inside. You wished a good night to Nat and Steve and walked towards your room, trying to not make too much noise.

It was almost 1 am and you were exhausted, your entire body ached and your heart was broken.

You opened the door to your room and took off your boots. You closed the door and turned on the light, turning around to face your bed and you almost screamed from fear. Your hand flew up to cover your mouth while the other one rested on your chest, feeling your heart trying to beat all the way out of your chest.

You stood frozen as you looked at Bucky. He had been sitting on the edge of your bed, waiting for you to get back.

You had been so lost in your thoughts that you never saw him or felt him there.

Without a word, Bucky stood up and walked over to you. You followed his movements, your eyes never leaving his, until he was so close you had to tilt your head back to still be able to look at him. He grabbed your face in his hands, he was still gentle but rougher than usual. His eyes traveled all over your body, like he was making sure you really were okay. Then his eyes met yours again.

‘’We need to talk.’’ Was all he said as he let go of your face and took a few steps back.

Two parts in two days, whaaat? I am extremely nervous to post part six with the ''big'' reveal and all... I hope you enjoyed this part, let me know what you think.

Let me know if you want me to add you to or remove you from the taglist.

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dramioneficrecommendations · 4 years

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Best Draco/Hermione Fics Dramione Shippers Read in 2020

A few days ago, I asked you what were the best Dramione fics you'd read in 2020. Here's the huge list of your excellent recs (in alphabetical order):

A Creature Most Unusual by JMilz: Draco Malfoy is on a mission. Unfortunately, Hermione Granger catches him in the act. When she sees that he has adopted a rather unusual magical creature, she becomes determined to make sure he takes care of it. Little does she know, the animal may hold her key to eternal glory . . . and a whirlwind romance. M, 9 Chapters, 24,460 Words

A Little More Alive, Far Less Lost by MGL_Dramione_Lover: After Draco's post-war trial, he finds himself attending his 8th year at Hogwarts with Hermione. As remorse and acceptance replace anger and hate, the old enemies begin a friendship that sparks into much more than they ever hoped for. Hermione's goal as Head Girl is to banish old prejudices and unite the school while Draco's only wish is to become a man worthy of her love. M, 22 Chapters, 84,823

A New Light by mithrilstarlight: Draco spent six years doing his best to keep his head down. Then he runs into Hermione Granger. Turns out, they actually have a lot in common.Chapters posted M/W/F. T, 18 Chapters, 33,876 Words

A Second Look by RiverWriter: Her best friend's life was a mess and she would have done anything to make things better for him and his sons. So, when she found her former enemy in a similar situation her heart went out to him as well... and the beautiful blond baby in his arms didn't hurt his case. It was certainly enough for her to give him a second look. M, 30 Chapters, 127,243 Words

All that is Rare by smithandbarrowman: In the wizarding world, it has long been assumed that men are Alphas and women are Omegas. However, when Hermione Granger discovers that assumptions are rarely factual, her status as one of only a handful of female alphas that has ever existed has men falling at her feet.But there’s only one man she wants, and like the male alphas before her, the hunt is on until he bears her mark. E, 31 Chapters, 119,755 Words

All the Wrong Things by LovesBitca8: Sequel to "The Right Thing to Do" - Draco's POV. Part 2 of the "Rights and Wrongs" series. E, 24 Chapters, 160,297 Words

All You Want by senlinyu: Eighth Year at Hogwarts was supposed to be Hermione’s. And it is, just not in the way she expects. Omegaverse fic. E, 36 Chapters, 172,651

apples & cream by LovesBitca8: She could have taken her things and gone through his Floo without a word. She could have ignored him on Monday morning, as though last night had been no more than a fever dream and too much Firewhisky. But she’d come back to bed. Inspired by the lovely NikitaJuice's "apples & cream." E, 1 Chapter, 1,426 Words

Beginning and End by mightbewriting: Years. Broken into months into weeks into days—into hours, minutes, seconds—into moments. Simple at one end, complex at the other. In Draco’s experience, moments, even when simple, had a habit of becoming irretrievable. Moments grew, stretched, multiplied into ages and eras that defined whole stretches of measurable time. Draco regretted several moments in his life, some within his control, some without: all of them irretrievable in nature. At a certain point, wedged between ‘what-ifs’ of his own devising, he’d stopped trying to keep track of those regrettable moments: now and then, pushing and pulling, coming and going, beginning and end. Moments were only moments for just as long. After that, he had no control. A Draco POV prequel to Wait and Hope. E, 48 Chapters, 242,100 Words

Bells on a Hill by HeyJude19: Left by his fiancée a month before the ceremony, Draco never got his dream wedding, so agreeing to assist Granger with her own wedding planning to distract himself from his broken engagement seems like a great idea—though Draco probably shouldn't fall in love with the bride-to-be. Based very (very) loosely on The Wedding Singer. T, WIP

Bending Light by scullymurphy: Draco Malfoy was in exile, though they called it protection. It was the summer after sixth year and he'd taken Dumbledore's offer, defected to the other side and been sent away to a small town in Italy for his troubles. No magic, few rules, and not a lot to do - until Hermione Granger showed up. M, WIP

Break for me by Ada_P_Rix: COMPLETE _______________ "-I told them this wouldn’t work.” He cut in through gritted teeth as he kept his eyes on Hermione, making her pulse quicken and she couldn’t help but clench her thighs together at the rough, husky tone of his voice. He didn’t miss it; his eyes landed on her thighs and they darkened even further. “I can’t help her when all I feel like I want to do is pin her down and fuck her into the mattress.” _______________ Hermione gets into a little accident at work and is infected with a hybrid potion created to cause certain heightened side effects. Draco offers to stick around to give his work partner a little support ... if he can Occlude long enough to resist her... E, 7 Chapters, 45,107 Words

Breath Mints / Battle Scars by Onyx_and_Elm: For a moment, she's almost giddy. Because Draco Malfoy's been ruined by this war and he's as out of place as she is and — yes, he has scars too. He's got an even bigger one. She wonders whether one day they'll compare sizes. E, 51 Chapters, 148,908 Words

Bring Him to His Knees by Musyc: Draco is on the case of a murderer, but to investigate, he needs a fake relationship - and a kink club play partner. When Hermione volunteers to take the role, both do their best to maintain the lie without letting each other know the truth: neither of them are acting. E, WIP

Calendar Boys by anne_ammons, Nadiapolyakova (Rijaya83): She had thrown out the idea on a lark, but now Hermione Granger was tasked with bringing the charity calendar to life. What was one more thing on her list? An art/writing collaboration between nadiapolyakova and anne_ammons - twelve photos and a piece of the story behind them. M, WIP

Cherry Mint by dirtymudblood: "He could smell her. Even multiple train cars away, he could smell her. Except, Draco didn’t know who she was. He ignored his natural instincts to pant like a dog and follow the scent to the omega in the beginning stages of heat. Instead he willed himself to rub his knuckles against the rough wood of the table in front of him." E, 27 Chapters, 58,081 Words

Dark Water and Dying Eyebrights by bexchan: One of them is desperately trying to remember their past while the other is forever trying to escape theirs. It's seven years after the war and Draco has managed to avoid almost everyone from Hogwarts, living a lonely life on a small island, far away from the wizarding community. But a familiar face in a cafe window capsizes his world into chaos. Dramione. EWE. Memory fic. M, WIP

Difficult by provocative envy: COMPLETE: "I should," I repeated. "But I don't want to." And then he smiled, and I was wrecked. HG/DM. M, 30 Chapters, 87,041 Words

Don't Look Back by Onyx_and_Elm: It’s the smell of it. Chemical. Bitter and sharp as a raw edge on metal. Just a hint of it as she passes him at breakfast — but enough to stop her dead, mid-step. There is Wolfsbane in his tea. E, WIP

Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time by monsterleadmehome: She scoffs. “If you must know, he ‘elected’ me because he thinks our shared animosity will keep you in check. He’s also not worried about you trying to shag me as a distraction.” He leans back, stubbing out his cigarette on the banister. His eyes rove over her from crown to toe and back. She lifts her chin and tries not to shiver. “Well, he’s right about that.” Lucius Malfoy hires Hermione Granger to whip his son into shape so he can find a pure-blood bride and receive his inheritance. What could go wrong? E, 10 Chapters, 48,092 Words

Draco's Gift by TriDogMom: Draco gives Hermione a gift because of an instructional YouTube video. M, 1 Chapter, 1,705 Words

Dragon in the Dark by GracefulLioness: The battle is won, Voldemort is dead, but the war is far from over. In the new Death Eater regime, Draco Malfoy does what he must to survive and keep his mother safe. Now a highly trained assassin, Draco has learned to think of his targets as inhuman beings, but when he is tasked with killing someone from his past, he can no longer hide from the horrors of the world around him. E, 31 Chapters, 164,782 Words

For a Present Under the Tree by grace_lou_freebush: When Draco and Hermione eloped, the Wizarding World turned against them. Hermione is stuck in a low level, low paying Ministry job with no hope of upward movement. Draco can't even convince someone to hire him. Now, it's Christmas, and Draco knows Hermione deserves the world - or at the least a Christmas gift. He finds the perfect hair comb to replace the horrid Muggle brush she's been making due with, and he'll do anything to afford the paltry present so he can have something to put under the Christmas tree for his wife. Making a beeline for the jewelry box containing the hair combs, Draco rifled through them, landing on an ivory comb with queen anne rose carvings and gold filigree detailing. He brought it to the startled shopkeeper and set it down gently. Pulling his sixth generation Malfoy heirloom pocket watch from his coat, he shoved it in the wizard's face without second guessing himself. "I would like to make an exchange." E, 1 Chapter, 10,141 Words

Fortuitous by MrsRen: Recently divorced Draco doesn't believe in the ideology of having one true love. He certainly doesn't expect to meet his match in a Halloween themed coffee shop, but fate has a peculiar way of giving you just what you need. M, 13 Chapters, 93,695 Words

Fuck, Marry, Avada by Lilian_Silver: Some years after the war, the gang meets up at the Leaky to play a silly game, with very real consequences. E, 1 Chapter, 3,106 Words

Give Me An Hour by RZZMG: As the war continues to rage on around them, Hermione Granger decides to seduce fellow Order Member, Draco Malfoy, one night while at Grimmauld Place... and everything between them changes after that. Fic follows the "five times" trope, and is dedicated to raspberryjukebox. One-shot. A/U-Extended War scenario. Dramione. Drama-Romance-Hot Shag! COMPLETE! M, 1 Chapter, 3,251 Words

Good Girl by arabellaleyes: Hermione is tired of their normal routine in the bedroom. What will happen when she asks Draco to spice things up? One-shot. Complete. M, 1 Chapter, 9,000 Words

Hindsight by floorcoaster: It's a New Year and Hermione decides it's time to make some changes. T, 12 Chapters, 167,694 Words

How to Love Thy Neighbour by WhatSoMalfoy: After her relationship with Ron falls apart, Hermione attempts to juggle a personal muggle life with a professional wizarding one. After encountering her high school nemesis in the most unlikely place, Hermione adds another ball to the juggling mix. M, 14 Chapters, 41,992 Words

How to Move On by longdistance: It's been nearly a decade since the war. A long time since she locked herself away. A long time since he faced his mistakes. She's what he wants. He's what she needs. It's time for both of them to figure out how to move on. M, WIP

Hydrotherapy by eilonwy: Draco finds a trip to the showers after playing Quidditch... enlightening. E, 2 Chapters, 7,163 Words

I Choose You by melanoradrood: At the end of Fifth Year, Hermione finds out why It is that none have approached her with a Marital Contract, the only way she can remain in the Wizarding World after Graduation. It has already been signed by her Magical Guardian, someone she has never met - she is to be the next Lady Malfoy. A year and a half later, she is a married witch, but still, Draco Malfoy, who had chosen her above all others, had not spoken of it. In fact, they barely spoke at all. And when trouble heads their way, Hermione means to change that. Really, she means to change a lot of things. E, 5 Chapters, 24,527 Words

Isolation by Bex-chan: He can't leave the room. Her room. And it's all the Order's fault. Confined to a small space with only the Mudblood for company, something's going to give. Maybe his sanity. Maybe not. "There," she spat. "Now your Blood's filthy too!" DM/HG. PostHBP. Now complete with epilogue. M, 49 Chapters, 284,050 Words

It Happened in Egypt by bionically: Wandless in Egypt: Draco's stranded in Egypt, but luckily, there's a Granger in sight. Now, if only he could be prevented from strangling her. Fun times abroad: It was supposed to be a leisurely solo trip down the Nile. Hermione didn't factor in one blond man from her past and all his drama. Then, of course, there's the fact that everyone's after him. Much hilarity ensues. Maybe. *** A rom-com adventure/mystery featuring two unwilling partners on the run from Lucius Malfoy, alien-hunters, Muggle police, and local wizards engaged in a civil war. T, WIP

Love and Other Misfortunes by senlinyu: Draco Malfoy is dying. He's part-Veela and needs his mate to survive. Post-war, Hermione Granger is a workaholic, up to her eyeballs in legal activism on behalf of Magical Beings, and hasn't yet noticed that Malfoy is the Magical Being who needs her most. “Because I don’t want to be saved by you just because you feel like you have to.” He was properly furious now. “I’m in love with you." Hermione stared at him. She knew but somehow hearing him say it made the air shimmer with magic. "I’m in love with you,” he said again, despairingly. “And that means I want you to be as happy as you possibly can. And you won’t be, not with me.” M, 23 Chapters, 98,584 Words

Manacled by senlinyu: Harry Potter is dead. In the aftermath of the war, in order to strengthen the might of the magical world, Voldemort enacts a repopulation effort. Hermione Granger has an Order secret, lost but hidden in her mind, so she is sent as an enslaved surrogate to the High Reeve until her mind can be cracked.Now illustrated by Avendell. E, 77 Chapters, 370,473 Words

Measure Of A Man by inadaze22: To truly know someone is to differentiate between who they once were, who they are now, and who they're capable of being. Hermione realises the duality of one man as she rectifies what she knows of the past and begins to understand the pieces of who Draco Malfoy is now: a father, a son, and a man. E, WIP

Meet the Malfoys by raven_maiden: 4 Works, 21, 442 Words

of flavoured names and coloured sounds by Pink Panda (Ejacyeolation): "He doesn’t question it at first, the fact that sounds have colours and words have flavours. He grows up with it, grows up seeing powerful ruptures of colour when his mother plays the piano and softer, translucent bursts when the people around him speak. His father’s voice fills his vision with sombre oranges and lilacs while his mother’s is a pleasant mix of delicate greens, blues, and greys. The word father tastes like wet wood and the word mother tastes like the pumpkin juice the house-elves frequently serve him."In which Draco just wants to know what colour Hermione's moans would be. He also wants to know if her skin would taste as sweet as her surname or maybe as intoxicating as her given name. E, 2 Chapters, 10,351

Once Upon a Night by longdistance: One night will change everything. M, 17 Chapters, 57,444 Words

One and Done by PacificRimbaud: Hermione Granger has a career she loves, friends she can depend on, and a nice set of hand towels for her new flat. She's single and tired of tiresome men, but that doesn't stop her from wearing beautiful lingerie underneath her serious Ministry skirts. Or having pictures taken in naughty knickers. Just once. For herself. Draco Malfoy doesn't get upset at the sight of blood, which is good, because he sees a lot of it. What he doesn't see a lot of is Hermione Granger in her unmentionables. Usually. A series of meetings and mix-ups in which one cannot possibly mean done. E, 4 Chapters, 35,011 Words

Our shared silence by Vofastudum: She wakes up one morning and everyone is just gone, vanished like they never existed at all. Everyone but Him. And in this silent solitude, he's all she has. Hermione and Draco alone in empty castle. Mystery and a plot twist you didn't see coming! EDITED 10/2020 M, 17 Chapters, 40,149 Words

Pinned by bionically: Draco doesn't know what he's expecting when he follows Blaise down a dark alley, but it certainly isn't this. For a man with an addictive personality, this isn't going to turn out well. Assigned trope: Voyeurism *** Or, a chance encounter with a frizzy-haired witch from his misbegotten past in the last place anyone should have expected to see her sets Draco's disordered life on its ear. The path to redemption is truly paved with unexpected surprises. E, 20 Chapters, 110,886 Words

Really Sell It by RoseHarperMaxwell: Draco's having a rough eighth year, and Hermione's going to make it better for him. "Well, it’s clear what needs to happen.” She gripped his chin, tilting his head to make sure she hadn’t missed any injuries, before looking straight into his eyes. “You’re my boyfriend now.” *Featuring fake dating, exhibitionism, and sex-positive Hermione Granger. Submission for Farewell to Summer: The 31 Flavors of Smut Fest. E, 1 Chapters, 7,612 Words

Remain Nameless by HeyJude19: How did it feel? It felt like he was barely holding it together. She, of all people, should shun him. Or yell at him. Curse him. Spit at him. Take out her wand and blast him off the face of the earth. It was crushing guilt and relief and confusion all at once when he looked at Hermione Granger. The monotony of Draco’s daily routine had become both a lifeline and a noose. But this new habit of grabbing coffee with Hermione Granger is quickly becoming a reason to get out of bed and is unfortunately forcing him to re-evaluate his inconsequential existence. Hermione is living her life in fragments, separate pieces scattered about, and she can’t find a way to step back and let the full picture form. Why are morning meetings with Draco Malfoy the only thing that make sense anymore? E, 51 Chapters, 312,315 Words

Remember Us As War (but call us forgiveness) by Anyaparadox: Following the devastation of the Battle of Hogwarts, The Wizarding Population Growth Act is put into effect. All witches and wizards will be matched with their most compatible partner. Failure to comply will not be tolerated. Survival is key. Hermione reminds herself of this. Survival. She can fix this, if only she can survive. The war has made this a task she is equipped for. Marrying Draco Malfoy will hardly be the worst thing she's ever endured. M, WIP

Ring A Ring O' Roses by Gallivant: Dark Magic, Dark Wizards and a mysterious and deadly Dark Flux, which, in the wrong hands, has the terrifying potential to mass-murder Muggles and Muggle-borns ... It’s been fourteen years since the end of the Second Wizarding War and the Wizarding World is settled, stable and seemingly safe… Hermione Weasley has it all: a loving family, a successful career - and happiness… of sorts. But a series of unexpected events is about to turn her life upside-down, threatening those she loves, fatally undermining the peace between worlds that has prevailed for centuries … changing life as she knows it, possibly forever. If working with Draco Malfoy was the last thing Hermione Weasley ever wanted, falling for your enemy was the least expected. A quest to thwart a magical weapon of mass destruction has devastating consequences. A race to save the world, becomes a race to save themselves… M, 65 Chapters, 527,141 Chapters

Set Fire to the Rain by HarleyQuinn1317: What happens when the one you're destined for is the last person you should ever be with... When the Ministry of Magic asks for volunteers for their Marriage Initiative, Hermione Granger must come to terms with the one terrible deed she committed during the Second Wizarding War. Can she find it in her heart to forgive herself and finally learn to let love in? E, WIP

Sex and Occlumency by Graendoll: Hermione didn't escape from the war unscathed, and when she finally decides on a solution to her problems she's left to explore it on her own. A chance encounter with Draco Malfoy sets her world on it's head and leads her down a path towards healing that she would never have anticipated. E, 18 Chapters, 65,079 Words

The Art of Seating Etiquette by inadaze22: Hermione believes that every problem has a solution, and that solution can be found in a book. That is, until Draco starts sitting to her right every Friday. She has no answers until help comes in the form of an unlikely source: Ron Weasley. E, 1 Chapter, 9,734 Words

The Auction by LovesBitca8: In the wake of the Dark Lord’s triumph over Harry Potter, the defeated must learn their new place. Hermione Granger, former Golden Girl, has been captured and reduced to human chattel. Sold to the highest bidder as the top prize at an auction of Order members and sympathizers, she is thrust into the rabid, waiting hands of the Death Eaters. But despite the horrors of Voldemort’s new world, help—and hope—seem to arise from the most unlikely of places. PART 3 of the RIGHTS AND WRONGS series. E, 41 Chapters, 325,702 Words

The Binding by Curly_Kay: “Okay, what we know so far.” Hermione listed, "One, our magic is drawing us together. Two, we can use each other’s wands. Three, there were actual sparks when you touched me."After an infant binding ritual magically joins Hermione and Draco to counteract the Black family blood curse, they must navigate the secret binding through their years together at Hogwarts. E, 35 Chapters, 175,451 Words

The Carnal Club by Ada_P_Rix: COMPLETE The Halloween Ball is fast approaching with Hermione at the helm.... What a delightful time to suddenly learn of a centuries old secret sex-game club that is currently ran by a Blonde haired Slytherin. Oh, and it only happens once a year every October, when the winner takes all at the Halloween Ball ...The First Rule of Carnal Club: You do not talk about Carnal Club. E, 8 Chapters, 43,306 Words

The Disappearances of Draco Malfoy by Speechwriter (batmansymbol): The night that Harry and Dumbledore return from the cave, the Death Eaters are delayed from reaching the top of the Astronomy Tower for one more minute. Draco Malfoy lowers his wand. A Deathly Hallows rewrite in which Draco accepts Dumbledore's offer to fake his death and go into hiding with the Order of the Phoenix. T, WIP

The Erised Effect by Ada_P_Rix: Hermione and Pansy work in a shop together. Draco, Harry, Theo and Blaise all work together at the Ministry. They all meet up every Friday at the pub to have drinks. Pansy has a new fantasy potion that she likes to call 'The Erised Effect' that she's keen to try out on willing participants ... Boys are so easy to manipulate when alcohol is involved .... E, 13 Chapters, 88,852 Words

The Fallout by everythursday: Hermione learns about growing up through the redemption of Draco Malfoy. E, 49 Chapters, 310,229 Words

The Figures of Figuring Out by Vofastudum: You were the biggest riddle in my life. You were the one I couldn't figure out. You were the only thing I couldn't find a pattern to. You were something I couldn't look up from any book. Unwritten, with no instructions. And I was used to finding solutions! Post-war eight-year secret romance. Edited 12/2020 M, 13 Chapters, 26,951 Words

The Flat in Bath by Ada_P_Rix: Loosely inspired by 365 Days...-- Malfoy grabbed her chin, forcing her to look directly at him. “Don’t you dare, Granger...” He told her roughly as his intense gaze bored into her own. “I fucking forbid you to come until I’ve had enough of you...” Draco caught her cheeks now between the fingers of his free hand and then snapped her head to the side and licked her earlobe, trailing down to her jawline. “...one flutter of those delicious walls of yours and you’re going to wish you never opened your legs for me.” -- __________________ Hermione is kidnapped during a raid and taken captive by someone who doesn't plan on 'torturing' her in the conventional way... E, WIP

The Gloriana Set by ThebeMoon: The War is won, and Hermione Granger is back at Hogwarts as an “Eighth Year”, feeling reckless and determined to shed her prim bookworm persona. She will do as she pleases, and anyone who doesn’t like it will see the business end of her wand. Also returning is Draco Malfoy, universally hated but determined to restore his family’s name. Hermione’s hopes for a quiet school year are quickly dashed as she contends with mischievous First Years, killer plants, enchanted hair accessories, a totally inappropriate Moaning Myrtle, renegade Death Eaters, a nice vampire, a poorly named study group, a depraved party, and mysterious, threatening blood messages on the castle walls. We have redemption, partial redemption and (sadly or hilariously) no redemption at all. Throw in a snarky, disturbingly attractive Draco with his own secret agenda, and we have a very slow-burn Dramione with a side of who-dun-it. COMPLETE! M, 81 Chapters, 271,830 Words

The Library of Alexandria by senlinyu: The Library of Alexandria is not for just any witch or wizard. Many bookworms may try but few are permitted to pass through its doors. The books residing there are ancient and powerful and, if one happens to make a mistake, the consequences can be rather—novel. E, 6 Chapters, 26,383 Words

The List by AureliaBlack90: After her divorce, Hermione decides to get out of town to recover from the pain of her lost relationship and the miscarriage she suffered a year previously. She arrives in the Cotswolds depressed and aimless but compiles a list of things to do that she hopes will help her get back on her feet. In the midst of her journey to find healing she keeps running into Draco Malfoy, who is nothing like she remembered him. He invites her into his world, and Hermione finds exactly what she was looking for - in the place she least expected it. E, 10 Chapters, 70,526 Words

The Manuscript by alexandra_emerson: Five 1/2 years after the war, in the middle of a big fight with Draco, Hermione finds a manuscript. It’s a retelling of her and Draco’s love story, written by him. She never realized how much he was struggling before she read his words. Snippet: I could spend my whole life apologizing to you Hermione, and it would never be enough. Post-war, angst-filled Dramione with a happy ending. M, 21 Chapters, 154,918 Words

The Memory of You by PotionChemist: Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger fell in love against all odds, but there was one big problem — he was already married. Pressured, Hermione does something she promised herself she would never do again and erases their affair from his memory. Completely devastated, she avoids seeing Draco or the Malfoys at all costs. But is their love too strong? Are they inevitable? What will happen if he finds out about their previous relationship? E, WIP

The Mountain and The Sea by AlexisDanaan: Hermione Granger was perfectly happy with her life, her job as a Healer Trainee, her ugly cat and her cute little house in the countryside. And then Draco Malfoy had to go and mess that all up, typical git. Post-Hogwarts, EWE, OOC, creature!fic. E, 12 Chapters, 40,441 Words

The Nietzsche Classes by Beringae: The Ministry takes action against the remaining prejudice in the wizarding society and asks Hermione for help. “What do you want? Money? Power? Name your price, Granger. I’m not about to let pride get in my way when an Azkaban sentence is on the line.” M, 15 Chapters, 45,807 Words

The Phoenix Potion by FedonCiadale: Twenty years after the battle of Hogwarts.... Harry is head auror and is worried about cases where Muggleborn children meet with accidents, Ron is a famous Quidditch keeper. Both haven't talked to Hermione for ages and certainly not to her husband, Draco Malfoy. Narcissa Malfoy struggles with a curse, and Neville and Luna try to stay friends with all. The key to solving the problems may lie in the past, a time nobody really wants to revisit and some can't. T, 111 Chapters, 237,745 Words

The Potioneers by omnenomnom: They need each other unfortunately. Hermione has tricked Draco under her tutelage, arrogant attitude and all. But she would be simple to think he would accept it quietly. They have both have secrets to hide, old wounds better left to fester, and a world full of mermaids, dragons, and magic to explore. T, 53 Chapters, 196,559 Words

The Pretense by Colubrina: Voldemort died, but the Death Eaters live on. Hermione Granger traded herself to Draco Malfoy in exchange for safe passage for core Order members. Now he's pretending to love her, Narcissa is pretending to believe that, and Hermione is walking a tightrope behind enemy lines as she figures out what is going on. Unfortunately, people fall off tightropes. (no non-con) T, 50 Chapters, 108,164 Words

The Right Thing To Do by LovesBitca8: Hermione felt the pounding in her ears again. She would see him for the first time since the Great Hall, gaunt and stricken at the Slytherin table with his mother clutching his arm. She hadn't meant to look for him. Not in the corridors, not beneath the white sheets of the fallen, not on the way to the Chamber of Secrets with Ron, but she was a stupid girl. E, 36 Chapters, 174,911 Words

The Seven Year Witch by TheLastLynx: A boy and a girl have been meeting – coincidentally – for seven summers. While they pretty much hate one another most of the year, for those secret summer moments, they manage to see each other in a different light. But will that be enough to bring them together? A Dramione story about growing up and changing perspective, told along - and in-between - the lines of canon. M, WIP

Thirty Times Lucky by galfoy: "Granger, I can't hire you on any longer," Draco said. Hermione stared at him. Losing her job might actually mean losing the War, and she had to bargain, but there was literally nothing she had that he would want. Or was there? M, 2 Chapters, 7,128 Words

Traditions by raven_maiden: She straddled him slowly, still biting her lip, her hands on his shoulders. He held her hips tightly as he stared up at her. “So beautiful,” he whispered, and she flushed prettily, like she always did from his compliments. “You never need to hide from me.” ** Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy fell in love during the war. One year later, they're heading home for the holidays so he can finally meet her parents. There's just one teeny little problem: her parents think they're both Muggles. E, 14 Chapters, 68,767 Words

Waifs and Strays by Kyonomiko: War leaves a lot of orphans in its wake. Hermione is one, by her own hand, and she struggles with the realities of her situation. When she finds an orphaned familiar, it seems meant to be, giving and receiving comfort helping to heal her fractured heart. Unfortunately, the animal is actually a wizard, and he has his own issues. M, 31 Chapters, 118,152 Words

What You Think Is Right by icepower55: Six years after the war, Hermione parents are dying and her marriage to Draco is crumbling. Nothing seems logical in her life anymore. Her healer tells her to start writing about it, so she does, as a way to figure things out, and remind herself along the way. Hell is proximity without intimacy -Dante's Inferno M, WIP

When the Bell Tolls by everythursday: As a Dark revival begins to rise four years after the war, Hermione Granger is placed on the assignment of putting an end to them – and her first task is to recruit the Ministry's best hope and last option in the form of Draco Malfoy. E, 20 Chapters, 148,033 Words

Wreck by JMilz: Serving as Minister for Magic, Hermione Granger is finally at the peak of her career. With a beautiful family, a successful book, and the public on her side, her life should be a fairytale. Unfortunately, there is trouble in paradise, and when Draco Malfoy pays her a visit, she begins recalling their history and questioning her marriage. The reality is: every relationship is hard. M, 53 Chapters, 187,992 Words

Thanks to every person who contributed (I hope I've mentioned everyone. If not, let me know. 😊): @certified-arsehole @fedonciadale kiwim22 @really-sad-devil-guy endless-musings @headfullofnargles @pinksunsets-world @rosseliz01 @dramioneden @all-consuming @elricsister @injailoutsoon12 reclusivebird @mariakov81 @notthatchhavi @mordanbooqs @haaatch @hpsassenach @ybaeby @farmgirl-in @coyg-81 @eiramrelyat metterschling-plus-two @a-maidens-fantasy @sansacat @vofastudum @lexayeon @1800-rewrite @aneiria-writes @anonymouslydramione

It took much longer to compile this list than I thought it would. Hopefully, I didn’t skip anything. 🙈

Happy New Year. May it be better than the previous one and full of great Dramione fics and fanarts! 🥳🥳🥳

And here’s the 2019 list: https://dramioneficrecommendations.tumblr.com/post/190216354767/what-is-the-best-dramione-fic-you-read-in-2019

#dramione #Draco Malfoy #Hermione Granger #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #hp fandom #fic rec #draco x hermione #hermione x draco #dramioneficrecommendations #2020

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barid-bel-medar · 3 years

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Hero Agencies Meta (Part One)

Or: Locations and Anchors ( @pocketramblr)

Since I mentioned earlier I’d look at this...let’s go.

Alright, so in My Hero Academia, obviously, hero agencies are a Thing. So let’s look at that.

Interestingly enough, Hori actually has rarely told us the specific locations of agencies. A very small handful, including, I think, All Might [Minato, Tokyo] and Manual [Hosu] are some of the only exceptions; Mirku is a borderline exception, in that we’re told she just flat out doesn’t have an agency (instead the rabbit roams). Nighteye’s agency, where we spent quite a bit of time in canon, isn’t given a specific location. Nor Endeavor, which is a more interesting case since you’d think we’d get a location there, even if to just explain how far it is from Musustafu (thus necessitating the dorming at the agency instead of the boys being able to sleep at their dorms).

So I’m going to first focus on ‘location, location, location’.

Let’s start by looking at All Might’s agency location, in Minato, Tokyo. Alright, standard trope in anime/manga; major things are in Tokyo (which actually makes it so interesting that UA isn’t in Tokyo, but that’s a different matter). Obviously Tokyo is Japan’s capital and by far it’s most populous city (next most populous is Yokohama, which is also across the bay). Minato is one of the major hubs of Tokyo (while not the most populous ward [that’s Setagaya], and includes the headquarters of a lot of major multinationals and the locations of a lot of embassies. So All Might putting himself there, where there’s a lot of places that would be at a high risk for a villain attack (I would not be surprised by someone going after say, Sony’s headquarters, let’s be real here) is logical. Also, centralized location makes it easy for him to make contact with people, etcetera.

Tokyo probably has a lot of hero agencies for that exact reason. It’s got a huge population (nearly three times more than the next largest city), is the capital so there’s also a lot of media around (compare the type of news coverage that, say, Washington DC gets versus...Tallahassee), and lots of possible villain targets, thus a lot of places that could need protection, or offer the chance for glory. I doubt you’ve got too many heroes putting up their agencies out in the middle of nowhere, unless they’re rescue focused like the Wild Wild Pussycats. Rural towns probably don’t get much in the way of heroes and their agencies (and it’s also admittedly questionable how much they’d actually get in the way of villain attacks; chicken and the egg problem).

I’d also argue it’s fairly possible that each of Japan’s major cities has one, what I’ll describe, as an ‘anchor’ agency. An ‘anchor’ agency, I’d argue, is probably the sort of agency heroes like All Might, Endeavor, or Hawks have, in which in a sense they are the ‘main’ hero of a city. They aren’t the only hero, but they’re the first hero you think of for that city, and in a sense the ‘types’ of heroes in the city are thus affected. As mentioned in a previous post on my blog, I theorize Endeavor probably has his agency in Yokohama rather than Tokyo (which can lead to interesting implications for how he missed the building of the noumu factory in Kamino but whatever) since it’s Japan’s second largest city, and in being in Yokohama it avoids him being drowned in All Might’s spotlight in Tokyo. While one could argue he could also simply be in another ward of Tokyo, I’d argue that putting the entire bay between them would be more logical. Also it would be a relatively simple commute from Musustafu (where the TodoHouse is), but also far away to explain things like why he seems to have dorms in his agency (that he has probably also used at least once). I’d argue Hawks does something similar down in Fukuoko (the largest city in Kyushu and at present roughly the sixth largest city in Japan), especially since we aren’t given much hint there’s any other major heroes down there (and the HPSC would have wanted him to have ‘room’ to himself for the spotlight).

I’d argue that the more prominent a hero gets, the more encouraged they are to become an ‘anchor’ location. So that while, for example, Nighteye’s agency wasn’t an ‘anchor’ agency, when Mirio graduated UA (assuming he stayed there) it likely would have been. As it is in canon, I’d argue it to be closer to a...support? Agency. No heavy hitter, but able to help run major missions and ops, supporting major agencies like Ryukyu’s or Fatgum’s. But that it would have changed once Mirio graduated and he would have been the ‘main’ hero for the agency, and then it would become an anchor agency. Team Idaten may have been another anchor agency in Tokyo, but is likely now a more ‘support’ type of deal and is waiting on Tenya’s graduation to take his brother’s spot. And that the Lurker team is probably an ‘anchor’ somewhere, though by themselves Kamui Woods and especially Mt Lady probably would not have (assuming Smash is semi-correct she probably can’t afford an agency on her own anyway).

Another meta that I’ll post later will go into my thoughts a bit more on newbie pros, how they set themselves up, and the concept of renting out space from established agencies.

#my hero academia #bnha #mha #meta on hero agencies #endeavor #all might #might tower #endeavor agency

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zodiakuroo · 4 years

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Un(holy) Trinity

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader x Shigaraki

Content: 18+ dubcon/noncon, threesome, manhandling, rough sex, corruption, degradation, humiliation, breathplay, stepcest, breeding, blasphemy and sacrilege, elements of mindbreak and god complex (?)

Word count: 4.1k

Notes: my first threesome and idk how to feel about it but here it is! If it’s bad I can blame it on the fact that I just had my wisdom teeth extracted and am currently in a world of pain :) also i’m on bedrest and incredibly bored so if anyone has requests or thirsts or just wants to chat... yeah

also if this banner is shit i’m sorry i rushed and made it on my phone cause i just rly wanted to to post

This is part 2 to my other fic Love Thy Brother which you can read here

Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?” - Genesis 3:1

Twelve days.

Twelve days since you lost your virginity.

Twelve days since you lost your virginity to your step-brother, no less.

The night that it happened, you lay awake in your bed dreading the aftermath of the horrific incident. How could you face him again? How could you face your family? How could you face God?

You were too cowardly to face the rest of your household. The Todoroki family welcomed you into their home only for you betray them by sleeping with Touya. Ever since you were little, your mother would say she had a sort of sixth sense that meant God would always tell her when you’d been up to mischief. It sounds silly but there was no explanation for how she would always catch out in lie or know things that you never told her. You feared she would take one look at you and know the sin you committed. And so you chose to make yourself scarce, taking extra shifts at work and choosing to study at the campus library rather than at home. Your siblings seemed to notice how busy you suddenly were, often remarking how they missed you around the house. That just made you feel more ashamed.

As for God, you felt like you needed to do whatever necessary to prove your faith. You wanted Him to know the extent of your shame and remorse. You were weak in spirit, making you an easy target for someone as devious as Touya. You prayed and begged for forgiveness until your knees hurt but no matter what you did, the guilt was inescapable. You realized it was because, irrespective of the regret and remorse you felt, you couldn’t deny that you enjoyed what happened. You liked the way Dabi made you feel and you hated yourself for it. But no matter how much you liked it, something like that could never happen again. As penance, you banned yourself from bringing your hands anywhere near your groin. After all that temptation is what brought you to this point in the first place. But the thread of your self-control is thin and withered so at night when you’re certain everyone is asleep, you’re humping your pillow like an animal and biting down on your lip trying to keep from moaning his name. At least you weren’t touching right?

Dabi, by some God-given miracle, made himself scarce as well. It wasn’t uncommon for the noirette to disappear for days at a time doing heaven knows what only to arrive back at home like nothing happened; so no one really questioned his absence. Perhaps he felt the same way you did and was avoiding facing you and the other Todorokis.

Yeah right.

Shame? Todoroki Touya doesn’t know the meaning of the word.

In any case, you had become used to a Dabi-less house and so lulled into a false sense of safety, slowly but surely reverting back to normal. That’s why as you make your way downstairs, prepared to go to your church, the sound of gunfire and explosions from the living room doesn’t alarm you. Probably Natsuo or Shouto playing one of their video games, you thought. But when you get to the bottom of the stairs you’re met with unmistakable dark locks. Not just him. The back of another person’s head, one with pale blue, shoulder length hair. Before you can stop yourself, you let out a gasp. Neither of them react, seemingly too focused on their game. You don’t waste any time feeling relieved, choosing instead to make a silent escape.

You could only dream of being so lucky.

“Oi!” Your step-brother calls without turning around. He hasn’t seen you, you think. If you move quickly you can still get out of this. “I know you heard me, brat. Get over here before I drag you over here.” He still doesn’t bother to turn around but the sharpness in his tone lets you know that you’d be smart to listen. You take a second to steel your nerves and make your way over to the couch, trying your best to look as intimidating as possible. You scowl at both men but they are so engrossed in their video game, they don’t even acknowledge that you’re standing right there. “Aren’t you gonna say hi? We have company.”

We?

The company in question is Shigaraki Tomura. He’s been to the house before although he’s never even so much as glanced in your direction, too busy with his phone or playing games with Dabi. Despite your hard expression you can only manage a meek “Hello Shigaraki.”

He responds by finally looking at you, with a sleazy grin, a pair of crimson eyes, surrounded by creases meet your own. “Sup.”

Beer cans litter the coffee table, one of them being turned into a makeshift ashtray while both have smouldering cigarettes perched between their lips. “You’re not supposed to smoke in the house.”

“You’re not supposed to smoke in the house.” Dabi mocks you with a nasal voice.

You simply roll your eyes, not interested in continuing this interaction any further. “Whatever. I’m leaving now.” You state with as much firmness as you can muster. You spin on your heels but are kept in place by long, slender digits wrapped around your wrist.

“Where are you off to anyways?” The game paused, both boys now looking at you.

Out of habit, you answer truthfully. “Bible study.”

Shigaraki and Dabi burst into raucous laughter.

You should have lied.

“Nah you’re gonna hang out with me and Shigaraki for a bit.”

“Dabi, I have to leave.”

“You don’t have to do anything except what I tell you and I’m telling you to sit.”

Before you can protest you’re being hauled on to the couch, squeezed between the two of them.

“Nice necklace.” Tomura snorts, hand reaching out to grab at your crucifix but you swat it away. His gaze is unnerving. It makes you wonder if- no. He promised he wouldn’t.

Just like that, their game is resumed, as if you were never there. A few rounds pass, no words exchanged between either of them, only curses muttered under their breath. “Dabi, can I please go. I’m bored.”

Wrong choice of words.

“You hear that Tomura? The princess is bored.” His fingers are still moving rapidly over his controller.

“Really now? Come on then Todoroki, let’s show her a good time. I’ve seen how she likes to have fun.”

His comment on your necklace suddenly makes sense, but you still can’t believe it. “You didn’t…” you whip your head back to look at Dabi.

”Sorry doll, you made your Nii-san so proud, I just had to show you off.” Dabi smiles shamelessly, lighting himself another cigarette.

“You’re fucking sick Touya.” Tomura says, however his tone is not one of disgust but rather of admiration.

“You promised...” Your voice breaks. You’re humiliated beyond belief.

Both of them laugh at you again, discarding their controllers. “Told you, it’s adorable how stupid she is.” Dabi remarks to his friend, as if you’re not sitting right next to them.

You try to force your way off the couch but get pulled into Dabi’s lap, one of his arms hooking around both of yours, securing them behind your back. You squirm in his arms but he stills you with a hard slap on your inner thigh. “Be good okay? Don’t embarrass me.” He nuzzles into your neck.

Shigaraki flips up your dress exposing your white lace panties. He runs his thumb up and down your clothed slit, he fabric slowly becoming even more transparent. One severe jerk to the top of your dress and the straps are torn clean off, revealing the matching bra. “Yo, Touya. I thought she was a good girl.”

Dabi peers over your shoulder to get look. “Who’s all this for babe? You screwing the preacher or something? Or were you hoping I’d do something like this?” He tugs down your bra until your breasts are spilling over the top of it.

“Dabi…” Your choke on your plea when he sinks his teeth into your neck. He bites down so hard you’re positive he’s left a mark.

“Who?”

“T-Touya-nii.” You whimper.

“Better.”

Your destroyed dress is discarded somewhere across the room and you find yourself on your hands and knees with Shigaraki kneeling on the couch in front of you and Dabi behind you.

“Go easy on her alright Tomura. It’s her first time sucking cock.” He chuckles.

Your eyes go wide. “Wait...” you mewl but neither pay you any mind.

“And you.” Dabi yanks a fistful of your hair. “No teeth. No puke. Or I’ll let my boy ream your little ass as punishment.”

“Yeah. What he said.” Shigaraki mutters, pulling his semi out of his sweatpants, rubbing his tip against your lips. His is not as scary as your step-brother’s but him staring down at you like this, makes him seem every bit as intimidating.

Pre-cum dribbles from the swollen tip. You’re not entirely sure you want that in your mouth but you’re also not sure if you have a choice so you open up hesitantly.

Dabi’s right. It is your first time doing something like this. You don’t know what you’re supposed to do but as it turns out you don’t have to do much, not with the way Shigaraki starts thrusting his quickly hardening member into your mouth.

“Move your tongue slut.” The man in front of you grunts. You do your best despite the heavy intrusion to obey his command, moving from side to side, swirling around the head when he pulls out of your mouth. He looks down at you with cruel vermillion eyes, panting as he strokes himself in front of you, spreading your saliva across his shaft before sliding deep into your mouth again.

Behind you, Dabi spreads apart your cheeks, squeezing the flesh in his calloused hands. “Remember what I said. Be good and I’ll give you a reward.” He pulls your panties to the side and lets out a whistle at the sight of your dripping slit. “She’s enjoying it. Make her take it deeper.”

You can’t possibly fathom how much deeper he can go when his head is already nudging at your tonsils. You try to swallow the saliva building up in your mouth, making your cheeks hollow out around Shigaraki’s shaft. Seems like that was the right thing to do as his hand flies to the back of your head. “Shit. Shit. So good.”

Dabi’s breath wafts over your pussy. He spreads your lips apart and you feel his hot tongue lick up the juices leaking from your hole. You squeal around Tomura’s dick. You want to pull off but his spindly fingers hold your head in place.

“Told you angel. Good little sisters get rewards.” With that he takes your clit between his lips and suckles on it gently while one of his fingers circles your entrance. Knuckle by knuckle he slides into you, making you keen. You arch your back trying to shift your hips backwards against his hand, silently urging him to find that special spot he showed you last time. He establishes a loose rhythm. Hot wet muscle and cold metal of his piercing circles the sensitive bundle of nerves, before applying suction while his fingers work you open.

The sensation is overwhelming, a form of heavenly torture and your thighs quiver barely able to hold you up while you use your last bit of mental strength to focus on suppressing your gags. That mental strength all but evaporates when the digits inside you graze that rough patch embedded in your walls. It’s so pleasurable your reflex is to run from his fingers. Luckily for Shigaraki, that means you move forward, taking him further into your mouth.

“This where you want me? This your spot, angel?” Dabi taunts you. Shigaraki holds you in place while two of your step-brother’s fingers drill your cunt, hitting that spot over and over again. Garbled moans and cries leave your mouth and reverberate around Tomura’s cock, proving to be too much for him ultimately.

“Shit Stop!” Don’t wanna come yet.” He pulls out your mouth so that a string of your drool drips down to your breasts.

“God! Touya-nii!” You sputter out.

“Still with the God shit?” He uses your hair to force you to look at him, neck twisted at an awkward, uncomfortable angle. “God ever make you feel this good?” His fingers thrust into you harder. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire.

“Ngghh-N-no –oh! Oh!” is your incoherent answer.

Dabi forces you back down, shoving you face first into the cushions. “See? Fuck him. Give up on god. Give up on everyone except your big brother cause no one else can make you feel this good.”

You’re so pathetic. The way you’re rocking yourself in unison with the motions of his hands. The way your tongue hangs out of your mouth, impeding any sort of intelligible verbal response. The way you’re mindlessly nodding along to whatever filth is coming out of Dabi’s mouth.

“C’mon Touya. Turn her around. Wanna try out that sweet pussy you’ve been bragging about.” You’re reminded that you aren’t alone. No, your brother’s best friend is right there to witness exactly how pathetic you are.

“Yeah in a minute. I’m still having my fun.” Dabi answers, face pressed against your mons before working you with his mouth once again.

“Man! Come on!” Tomura whines.

“I said in a minute. Not my fault you can’t last.”

It’s amazing how they can bicker like this right now, as if you aren’t on your hands and knees for them, gummy walls still pulsing around his fingers. However, it’s not long before Dabi’s focus is back on you taking you to the brink of orgasm. He slows his fingers, keeping you balanced on that razor thin edge. “Should I make you cum angel?” His voice is dripping with fake concern. “Dunno… what’s in it for me?”

“Anything! Touya-nii please!”

“Anything? You gonna obey me? Do whatever I say like a good little angel? You gonna worship me?” You can’t tell if he’s being serious or if he’s mocking you.

Probably the latter. And you deserve it too.

Your faith was the thing you deemed more important than anything and anyone else but Dabi, all too easily, convinced you to disregard that. Made you lose all sense and give into lust by showing you mindblowing pleasure, only magnified by your awareness of how deeply sinful this all was. That’s the extent of the power he has over you. The story of Adam and Eve is one you know forwards and backwards and yet you were so easily tempted forbidden fruit and left completely corrupted. Yeah, he’s definitely mocking you.

“Any- fuck- anything” You’re wiggling your ass, goading Dabi into finishing you off

“Cum in my mouth. Angel, give it to me” That’s the final straw. You explode around his fingers. Despite your walls, clamping around him, he manages to piston into you, hitting that squishy spot with astounding accuracy. His unyielding stimulation makes it feel as though the high won’t end. You’re not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Eventually, it does end though, his fingers drag out against the pull of your swollen pussy. He licks you clean making sure he gets every last drop of your cum, both inside and out, on his tongue. The ball of his piercing catches onto your rim making you yelp. He soothes the sting with gentle laps of his tongue.

“Tastes so sweet angel. So sweet knowing I’m the only one to ever fuck this pretty pussy.” He snickers before adding “So far.”

“Yeah, can I fuck her now?” Tomura was turned on before but seeing the way you fell apart at the hands of your brother? His minimal patience has run out. All he can think of now is being inside you.

“You heard him babe. Turn around.” He spanks your ass. You try to turn around but thanks to your shaky legs you nearly fall off the couch. Dabi catches you before that happens and he dutifully sets you up on all fours, held up by quivering limbs. You hear heavy breathing from behind you as Shigaraki taps his head against your puffy clit while you twitch in place.

“She wants this so bad. Had no idea your Christian little sister was such a whore.” Shigaraki mutters. He holds you still as he buries himself in you, breathing becoming more erratic with every inch until his hip bones are digging into your soft flesh. He’s so deep. You feel so full. You squeeze shut your eyelids, savouring the stretch.

Calloused fingers press into your jaw, making your eyes shoot open. “Pretty angel, did you forget about me?” Dabi looms over you, making a show of spitting in his palm and using it to stroke himself. He slips his thumb into your mouth, pad pressing down on the plush pillow of your tongue. “Gonna stuff you nice ‘n full angel.” All you can do is blink up at him with teary eyes, pupils blown wide with desire.

Shigaraki begins thrusting into you, hips moving at a brutal pace. Dabi isn’t far behind him, replacing his thumb with his cock and you don’t waste time waiting for him to tell you what to do. You close your lips around his shaft, engulfing him in the wet heat of your mouth.

Unlike his friend, Dabi starts off slow. His piercings drag across your tongue and you taste metal and the salt of his pre-cum. It takes some time for you to get used to taking him in your mouth, the jewellery an added obstacle.

You feel so full.

Shigaraki is bottoming out with every thrust, it’s so lewd the way it makes you squelch around him. Dabi’s shaft is rubbing your throat raw and still, you make an effort to take him deeper. He keeps one hand on the back of your head while he fucks you mouth.

He looks so ethereal, so euphoric, letting out little moans and whispered expletives. The sounds he makes are divine, so heavily contrasted by everything you know about him. It leaves you star struck. He recognizes the adoration in your eyes and responds in kind with a cocky smirk. He remembers how you looked at him when you first met. Disdain and judgment. Now you look at him like he’s your only salvation.

It’s sad actually. How you’re so desperate for someone to tell you how to live. And what a sweet, adoring little follower you are. Wasted on religion if you ask him. So soft and pliant, perfect for your big brother to mould and corrupt into his personal fuckangel.

“Angel, Nii-san’s gonna fill you up. And you’re gonna take it yeah?”

Your whole life you aspired to this holy standard of perfection in the hopes of escaping eternal damnation. But you’re beyond absolution now.

“All of it down your throat.”

It’s okay though.

If heaven doesn’t feel like this, you’re not sure it’s worth all the effort to get there.

He holds your necklace behind you like a leash, twisting it around his fingers. Between the way he’s basically strangling you and the way your swallowing muscles contract around his cock means that you’re not getting much air into your lungs. Your head is spinning, from being both oxygen deprived and cock drunk.

“Your God doesn’t want you anymore.” The clasp snaps and he dangles the charm in front of your face. The mould of Christ nailed to the cross taunts you. What was once a symbol of divine love and God’s boundless forgiveness and sacrifice is just a reminder of how far you’ve fallen into depravity, creaming around Shigaraki’s cock as he ruins your cunt while your Nii-san claims your throat “You’re filthy.” Touya sneers at you as he holds himself in your throat, watching you cry and choke around him. “Dirty fuckin angel.” He grunts as he floods your mouth with the taste of his cum. It’s not exactly pleasant but you try to swallow it all down. There’s just so much. That means he’s pleased with you right? You want him to be pleased. Good girls get rewards he said

“It’s okay.” He muses as he pulls out of your mouth. “You have me. I’m better than God and I Iove you when you’re nasty like this.” He empathizes his point by dragging his wet, softening cock across your face. “Nii-sans perfect little angel.”

It’s so pitiful how the small praise makes your heart bloom and makes your hole flutter.

You’re coughing up Touya’s cum while your body shakes with Shigaraki’s thrusts.

“What about me hm? I’m fucking you. What? You don’t like it?” Tomura’s going harder now, determined to get his fair share of your attention.

“Shig-Shigaraki – shit. Slow down!”

You’re ignored by both of them once again. If anything, Shigaraki starts fucking you harder

.”Yo’ dustpot. You better pull out. That hole still belongs to me.”

The warning falls on deaf ears, Tomura is too far gone. “So warm, she’s squeezin’ me. Fuck. Fuck.’’ No thoughts, just your tight cunt.

“Gonna do whatever I tell you?” Dabi’s talking to you now, cerulean eyes boring into yours.

You nod still staring at him with absolute devotion.

“Touya-nii’s will be done? Huh? Has a nice ring to it.”

When you don’t respond he grabs you by your cheeks forming an open mouthed pout. “Say it.”

“Touya-nii’shhh will be done.” The words come out distorted but he’s satisfied

“Oh yeah? Then be good angel slut and come on his cock for me.”

You’re pushed over the edge, coming for the second time. Your walls clamp down around him as you sob out both their names in the form of incoherent babbling. It hits you as hard as the first one. You’re so caught up in your high you barely register the vice grip on your hips, the frantic humping against your ass. “Tight. Fuckin tight! Gotta breed! Breed this fucking hole.”

His hot, sticky cum floods your walls with, your throbbing cunt milking him for everything he’s got. He ruts against you a couple more times before removing himself completely.

You hear the familiar click of a camera. He’s sorry (not really) but the sight of your fucked out hole leaking globs of your cream and his cum was too hot for Shigaraki to not add to his spankbank.

“Thanks for that little sis.” Dabi is resting on the couch, head thrown back smoking a cigarette.

“Yeah thanks sweetness.” Both men, tuck themselves back into their pants

Everything feels so surreal. You cautiously move you hand between your thighs. Feeling your sore abused cunt in an attempt to grasp the reality of what happened.

Wait a minute.

It’s too much, that too sticky to be just your arousal down there. The more you squeeze, contracting your pelvic floor, the more it seems to seep out of you.

“You… You came inside.” You murmur as your eyes well up with tears. Whatever daze you were in seems to be broken by this revelation. Instead it’s replaced by fear of what the consequences of this might be.

Dabi smacks his friend upside the head. “You fuckin’ dumbass. I told you not to.”

Judging by his grin, Shigaraki doesn’t register the insult. He’s too busy basking in the afterglow. “Aw, don’t cry babe. You were gripping me so tight, I thought you wanted it. ‘S’okay, your Nii-san will get you a plan B”

“Fuck no. That’s your jizz inside her.” He scowls, eyes focused on the cum that’s leaking out of your spent pussy.

“C’mon Dabi don’t be like that. I’m broke right now.” Shigaraki pleads.

Touya huffs and rolls his eyes. “You can get yourself a morning after pill right? Tomura will pay you back.”

“Yeah babe. I promise.” He gives you a dopey smile.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out he’s lying. Yeah, you know better now. You just nod as you pull up your panties, cringing at the sticky, wet sensation against your cunt.

“Me and Tomura are heading out. Make sure you clean all this up before anyone gets home.”

“B-but Touya-nii-“ you snivel.

“No buts. Clean up or you won’t be sitting comfy for a week. Are we clear?”

“Yes Touya-nii.” You reply defeated.

“And do it properly. Fuyumi has 3 brothers, she knows what a cumstain looks like and I don’t wanna have to do any explaining to her.”

You only nod, trying (and failing) to blink away tears.

Dabi rewards you with a chaste kiss to your cheek. “Best little sister in the world.” And he leaves you with that.

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hillnerd · 3 years

Note

For the ship and word game: Harry/Ginny, snitch ♥️

Thanks for the prompt! Hinny as parents - James is twelve. :)

SNITCH

It was December and so it was a cold grey day. There was no other kind of day in Scotland in December.

Despite the rather miserable weather, Ginny was jubilant as she trudged through the snow towards the familiar Quidditch pitch, red sweater on under her thick winter coat.

James had sent a letter late in the night. It was barely legible, and mentioned something about Quidditch. The follow-up letter from Teddy helped clarify things. James was in the reserves for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and was getting to fly his first game thanks to a chaser getting a bad case of Fwooper Flu.

No one had ever come to her games at Hogwarts as her mother had never been comfortable Apparating and couldn’t spare the Floo powder, while their father was always busy at work. It wasn’t something she particularly resented, but looking back she would have liked them to see her and cheer her on for her games.

Harry was off on a mission, but Ginny could spare the time, and was happy to get a chance to see James playing his first ever game. It was strange being back at Hogwarts after so many years. She’d been back a few times for memorials back in the early 2000’s, but it had been over a decade since then, and much had changed. In some ways it was the same- the Quidditch pitch didn’t look all that different, but the pathways to it had changed, the seating, and she was having trouble finding the locker room.

“Ginny!” she heard a voice call, and saw Neville waving in the crowd. She enthusiastically waved and jogged over.

“Hey Nev!” She smiled and gave a hug.

“Here to see James?”

“Yes! Though, I’ve not clue where the locker rooms are! Where’d they move them to?”

“Ah! Those are on the South side now. The old ones had a lot of old spell damage and got torn out, oh, five year ago now?” he explained, leading the way to the locker room.

She could hear the sounds of teens excitedly gearing up for the game.

The team were mostly students Teddy and Victoire’s ages, if she had to guess by the look of them. James, by comparison, looked tiny and pale. He was bouncing both his legs as he sat at his bench, hands running through his hair. He was already with uniform and pads on, while the rest of the team were more languorous in getting their pads in place.

She’d been exactly the same her first match as a Harpie.

“Knock knock,” she said, fully entering the room. The teens quieted down seeing there was an adult in the room, while James shot to his feet.

“Mum!” James cried out with a smile, before carefully schooling it to a much cooler nonchalant look. “Erm, what are you doing here?”

“Came to see your first big game, of course,” she laughed.

“Oh wait- that’s Ginny Potter!” cried out an eastern asian girl. One of the tall teenage whipped around, a furious blush on his face, before shutting his locker that had an old poster of hers. She remembered the row she’d had with her mum over the poster and how she wasn’t ‘fully in her uniform’ for the shot. Another kid, Oliver Wood’s daughter she’d met a few times over the years, gave a quick wave.

“Yup,” she said with a winning smile. “Best of luck, to all of you. Go Gryffindor!”

She caught James’s eye and was surprised to find him looking rather cross. She gave a quick gesture with her head to the door and he joined her just outside.

“Excited for your match?”

“Well I was…”

Oh dear. She could feel the tween angst rolling off of him.

“Everything alright?”

“Why’d you have to come into the locker room? No one else’s parents did that.”

“You sure about that? Because I know for a fact Oliver Wood was there for the first few years of your Keeper’s games.”

James bit his lip, adjusting his rectangular glasses.

“You sure?”

“Oh yes. And he wore full regalia and painted his face, so you’re old mum isn’t too much of an embarrassment by comparison.” She had no idea if Oliver Wood had done this, but it was the first embarrassing thing she could imagine to make her look a bit less bad by comparison.

“It’s not that you’re embarrassing…” he said, digging the toe of his shoe into the ground.

“Oh?”

“I just… I want them to be thinking about how I’m good on my own. Not because of you.”

Oh. She’d not considered that as being a thing, but completely understood the sentiment.

“Hey, I can leave if—”

“No… No, I want you here. I’m glad you came,” he said, before furtively looking around him then leaning in to hug her.

“You’re going to crush it, James,” she whispered in his ear. “Remember to really tuck in your heels and arms when you’re doing any hard sprints. And look farther down the field so you can get a big picture of the whole game and really slow things down. Oh, and ‘give to get’ on your tight turns so that—”

“I know, I know!” James said, putting a hand through his messy auburn hair. It wasn’t as messy as Harry’s, but she had a feeling he’d been running hands through it more than usual.

“Best of luck, darling,” she said with a kiss to his forehead.

He gave her one of his most confident smiles, flashing his straight teeth, and for a moment she could just picture what he’d be like when he was quite grown up, a thought that terrified her.

“See you after the game,” she said, giving his hair a ruffle as she went to find her seat.

She looked for Neville amongst the stands, but spotted a familiar head of dark hair beside him.

“Harry?” she called out. He turned and grinned at her, wearing a Gryffindor scarf and facepaint on his cheeks.

“Go Gryffindor,” he said with a grin.

She smiled back, loving that he’d somehow made it to the game. She also loved how mortified James would be later. She was the cool parent; today at least.

“Nice to see you in your old colors,” she said, taking a seat beside her husband. “Thought you had a mission today?”

“The great thing about being Head Auror is you can push those off on other people,” he said, taking hold of her hand. “Plus it’s his first game. I couldn’t miss it. It’s nice to have someone in the stands rooting for you when you’re taking on something daunting.”

She gave his hand a squeeze.

“Yell super loud when James flies out. He’ll love it!”

James might act embarrassed, but she was sure he actually would love having his father there cheering him on.

When James flew out Harry gave a giant whoop, which made James show off with some loop-de-loops instead of going red faced like Albus would have.

The match was a good one, and James was keeping up very well with players years older than he. She glowed as he followed her advice to ‘give to get’- slowing down on turns so he could gain more smooth speed on the long runs.

He was a natural chaser and she couldn’t be more proud.

James was in a perfect tail slide transition with his Quaffle when a bludger was his his direction. Too intent on looking down the field, and with all the cheers, he missed her and Harry’s scream as their son took a Bludger to the back of his head and went tumbling from his broom.

There were a number of spells on the field to prevent a student from making impact with the ground (something they could have used back in her and Harry’s day). It did nothing to prevent the terror scraping at her insides seeing her little boy put on a stretcher with blood running down his temple, glasses smashed and laid on his chest. Harry’s jaw was set and he made an incongruous sight looking so grim while adorned in the bright face paint.

James was rushed to the hospital wing, and she and Harry stayed by his side the whole way there. All his cousins and Teddy came to visit, but they dispersed once they knew James would be alright, with the exception of Teddy who opted to stay.

James was healed and bandaged up by Hannah Longbottom. Despite knowing James was fully healed, they opted to stay until he woke up. Teddy nodded off in a nearby chair, his hair subconsciously turning the same color as James’s as he slept.

Ginny stood looking at James’s sleeping face until her vision blurred. She could picture him when he was just a tiny baby, his look of mischief on his face as he padded along the halls on pudgy legs, toddling after Teddy and Harry, wanting to be so grown up.

Harry took her hand and squeezed it.

“He’s alright, love.”

“I know,” she replied, swiping at her eyes. “I can’t stop thinking of him as a baby, for some reason.”

Harry gave a dry laugh. “I’ve been thinking the same thing. Is it just me, or is being a parent a bit like having a time turner? In the blink of an eye you can see your twelve year old as a baby or when he first walked.”

“Especially when they’re asleep,” she said, stroking James’s lightly freckled cheek. “I’m glad you came today.”

“Me too. He flies just like you, you know,” said Harry before standing beside her.

“I was thinking some of those loop-de-loops looked like you at that age.”

“Naw, all his brilliance is from his Mum,” he said, leaning in to gently kiss her.

“Eurgh…” James gave a grunt, squinting at them. “What happened?”

“You got a bludger to the back of your head. Same injury your dad had in his sixth year.”

“Wicked…” said James, before his eye went wide. “Who won the game?”

“Gryffindor, even though they didn’t catch the Snitch. You Chasers were that good!” said Harry, sitting beside James.

Ginny could picture James’s first broom ride, with Harry excitedly following beside him so he wouldn’t slip off the tiny broom.

#hinny #james sirius potter #fan fiction #hp fanfiction #ginny potter #my writing #snitch #harry potter #hp next gen

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ignorantarmiesclashbynight · 3 years

Text

Whumptober 2021 Day 18: the doctor is in | doctor’s visit

The sound of baby Jack crying becomes just another background noise in camp, same as Uncle’s complaining and Dutch’s gramophone and Bill losing at cards and Grimshaw ordering everyone about. Except Jack’s cry has hooks in it, tugging on something inside Arthur’s ribcage and setting all his senses on alert. He guesses it’s just one of them things—instincts—'cause they’re all living and sleeping so close together all the time. Like a pack of wolves, looking out for each other. The way John should be, if only he’d stuck around. The way Arthur should’ve done with Isaac.

He wakes whenever Jack does and lies there a while, just listening, waiting to see if there’s anything needed beyond a feed. Sometimes he’ll get up anyway, bring Abigail some water or fresh linens for a diaper change, wander round the perimeter once or twice. He can’t get back to sleep until he knows they’re settled anyways, so he might as well make himself useful.

At first, the kid is just a bundle of blankets. Doesn’t do much more’n drink and sleep—a bit like Uncle—and the practicalities are the main thing. But a couple months in, the smiles come, and then these little hiccupping laughs that pull on those hooks in Arthur’s chest so as he can barely breathe.

And he’s all in.

Not just because it’s family and it’s his job to look after everyone, but because it’s Jack. A whole person, right there in his arms. With his soft head and his dark eyes and his tiny hands and the way he kicks all excited when he sees Arthur’s face. Even his cry is a welcome sound—strong lungs, strong heart—yelling out for everyone to hear: I’m alive! I’m here!

He misses it when he’s out hunting or on a job, sleeping out on the plains alone. He wakes like clockwork, imagines phantom cries in the darkness, worries about whether anyone’s checked on the baby and his mama while he’s gone. Because if anything happened to them… well, he’s not sure what he’d do.

He doesn’t like to be away too long these days, just in case. The hooks get sharper the further he gets. And after three days up in the hills he rides home a little harder than usual, pushing on instead of stopping for another night, an indecipherable feeling gnawing at him, as if some sixth sense can tell something’s wrong.

He hears the cry before he makes it through the woods into the clearing. It’s different, like none he’s every heard. Thin and wailing and relentless. It threads into Arthur’s nerves and he’s stumbling through the camp to Abigail’s tent before he’s even brought his horse to a full stop.

There are other figures gathered there already, Hosea and Dutch and Grimshaw, faces pinched with worry in the lantern light. Abigail sits rocking the baby, looking like she hasn’t slept in days, her own face red and streaked with tears. Jack writhes in her arms, arching his back and clenching his fists, and the sound of his crying is even worse close-up, twisting at Arthur’s stomach, because someone so small shouldn’t ever be allowed to be in such pain.

Arthur meets Abigail’s eyes and finds them strained and desperate.

He drops to her side, brushing his thumb over the baby’s cheek—it’s hot and clammy and the boy turns his face towards his hand, as if seeking him out.

“What’s wrong with him?”

She shakes her head helplessly. “I don’t know… I just… he won’t stop cryin’… I’ve tried everything… I don’t know…”

“Boy needs a doctor,” Hosea says in an undertone.

Arthur looks from one face to the next. “Why ain’t you fetched one, then?”

Grimshaw shoots Dutch a pointed look and the man sighs, pulling Arthur aside with a hand on his shoulder. “The nearest town is four miles away and, well, we have some… concerns over whether bringing an outsider here might compromise our current precarious position with the law.”

Arthur’s brain takes a moment to translate the doublespeak. “The law? What the hell d’you do while I was away?”

“Bill might’ve held up the mail coach...” Dutch says with a wince. “Had to ride for two hour to shake ‘em off his tail. We need to move camp, and soon. Maybe we can find a doctor the next town over…”

“Dutch, look at him,” Arthur seethes, feeling his guts twist as he glances back at the poor little creature, his wails getting weaker by the minute.

He makes a decision, then and there, pushing past Dutch and kneeling in front of Abigail, hands out in entreaty.

“I’ll take him. Right now. If you’ll let me.”

For a moment she pulls the boy closer to her chest, the conflict flickering across her features. But then Jack gives a piercing cry and she sets her jaw.

“I’m goin’ with you.”

“She’s been up with him the last two nights,” Grimshaw cuts in, “She ain’t in no state…”

But Abigail drags herself to her feet, only leaning against Arthur’s ready hands for a few brief moments before standing tall, her chin held high. “I am goin’. With him.”

No one dares argue.

She passes the squirming, squalling boy to Arthur and ties him to his chest with her shawl. He can feel the heat of the little body seeping through his shirt. A fever, or infection, or something eating away at the kid. He holds him tight as he swings up in the saddle as carefully as he can, all too aware of the precious cargo he carries. Dutch helps Abigail up behind him with a respectful nod.

“Fast as you can,” Dutch says, as though it was his idea all along. “Get that boy some help.”

Arthur makes sure Abigail’s holding on tight before nudging his horse on at a pace, one hand wrapped around the baby, patting firm and steady on his back.

“Gonna be alright, kiddo,” he murmurs into the downy head, breathing in the reassuring smell of him. “Uncle Arthur’s here. Gonna be alright.”

* * *

Four miles through the dark with the baby screaming like a fox and Arthur’s heart doesn’t stop thundering the whole way.

They’re all of them exhausted—he and his horse have travelled at least twenty miles the past day alone, and Abigail’s been nursing day and night, probably worried out of her mind. She sags against his back and if it weren’t for her white-knuckled grip on his shirt he wouldn’t be sure she was even still conscious.

Jack’s cries start to quieten as they pass over the top of a rise and the soft glow of the town comes into view. But the absence of noise isn’t a comfort. The boy’s gone limp in the sling, making a pitiful sort of whimpering that leaves Arthur cold with panic.

He leans low and covers the last half mile at a gallop, Abigail’s fingers digging bruises into his sides. He can feel the same worry running through her. A tension he thinks he might never let go of. Until finally they turn into the thoroughfare and there, between a saloon and an undertaker, sits a doctor’s office.

She’s off the horse and banging on the door before he can even dismount, and then there’s a dishevelled looking man in the doorway, rumpled with sleep, and Abigail is pushing Arthur forward, her shaky hands trembling at the knotted shawl, pleading, “Help him, please, you gotta help him.”

For a moment the doctor blinks at Arthur, as if he’s the patient, before Jack gives a hiccuping murmur and the man darts into action, ushering them all inside.

* * *

Arthur’s not sure how long they’re there for, only that the sun’s fully risen by the time Jack’s finally sleeping soundly, nestled in his mother’s lap. She’s asleep too, leaned into the crook of Arthur’s shoulder on a bunk in the corner of the doctor’s office.

He should probably be resting too—its a long ride back and they’ll need to go much slower this time—but he can’t stand down just yet.

He watches the soft rise and fall of Jack’s chest. The fluttering of dreaming eyelids. Dark, like his mama. And no less tough.

The doc said it was an ear infection. The pressure of it pushing on his ear drum. Arthur knows well enough that pain; had his own experience of it as a kid and would happily trade it for a gunshot. He mentally catalogues everything the doctor told him to treat it: how often to give him the medicine, warm compresses on his ear, layin’ him on the bad side to help it drain. Abigail needs her sleep and it’s still his job to look after everyone.

“They’re lucky to have you,” the doctor says, looking on the three of them with a kindly smile. “Most days all I see round here is mining accidents and drunken brawlers. If they have families they’ve forgotten all about them. Nice to see a father so dedicated. And such a healthy young boy.”

Arthur opens his mouth to correct him but sighs instead, thinking of John, how it ought to be him sitting here. About how much he’s missing—the good and the bad—and how he’ll never get that back.

He nods his thanks to the doctor. Pays the man double for his time, to let the three of them stay another few hours. To sleep. To dream they’re a real family for just a little while.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Protective uncle Arthur is the best Arthur. <3

Also on AO3! Requests more than welcome (prompt list is here)

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hxlyhead-harpies · 4 years

Text

Shining Just For You (S.B.)

Summary: You had never had much luck with boys, coming to the conclusion that you were no one’s type. But you certainly were not Sirius Black’s type.

Song of the Fic: Mirror Ball by Taylor Swift

I've never been a natural All I do is try, try, try I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything To keep you looking at me

Word Count: 7.1k

Warnings: Insecurity, alcohol use, cursing, mentions of vomit and food

A/n: hello everyone! this is the longest thing i’ve written so i hope you all enjoy it! i really enjoyed writing it!!

The early December sun danced across the pages of your book as you read, situated by the largest window in the library. It was an early morning on a Saturday as you studied, pouring over your history of magic textbook. You loved the library at this time of day. The golden beams of the post dusk sun filled the room and the hum of silence engulfed you. And there was never anyone around to bother you.

Except for today of course.

“Hello there Ms. (L/n),” a voice said as the seat across from you became occupied. You rolled your eyes, pretending to be annoyed with the boy who had graced your presence.

“Hello, Black,” you said, looking up to meet eyes with Sirius. He leaned back and propped his feet up on the table, sending you one of his signature smirks. You gasped before slapping at his legs.

“Feet off the table,” you whispered harshly. Sirius let out a chuckle.

“Only if you come to the quidditch match today,” he stated, making you freeze.

“There’s a quidditch match today?” you asked quietly. You felt incredibly guilty. You had promised your cousin James that you would try to come to at least one of his matches this year since you had missed every match in your sixth year. Sirius scoffed at you.

“Of course there’s a match today. I’m surprised you’ve forgotten since it’s all that James has talked about all week,” he said with a chuckle. You began to gather your things.

“I’ve learned to tune him out,” you explained, earning a laugh from Sirius. You tried not to let your cheeks heat up too much at the noise, proud that you were able to elicit that kind of response from him.

“Why are you here anyway?” he asked, gesturing to your pile of books, “It’s a Saturday.” You continue to shove your things into your satchel.

“I always study on Saturday mornings,” you responded. Sirius sighed.

“You’re so weird. I can’t believe you’d spend a Saturday studying,” he said. You turned to look at him.

“Some of us actually have to work to get good grades,” you said with a slight hint of defensiveness. Sirius smiled at you.

“Well some of us prefer to have fun instead of being painfully boring,” he responded with a chuckle. The comment stung but you masked it with a half-hearted laugh. You knew that you and Sirius did not have the same definition of fun, but it still hurt that he would call you boring. You made a move to leave and Sirius followed you.

“Now, you do know how to get to the quidditch pitch don’t you?” he said teasingly. You shoved his shoulder.

“Of course I do you prat,” you replied. Sirius threw his hand up in surrender.

“Hey I’m just checking,” he laughed lightly. When you arrive at the common room you turn to head up the girl’s staircase.

“I’ll save you a seat,” Sirius called after you, causing you to flush darkly.

“Thank you,” you shouted over your shoulder, refusing to face him in case he saw how flustered he made you. Sirius had always had the ability to turn you into a blushing mess ever since the moment you met him. It had been your first year when he stumbled into the compartment you shared with James, asking if he could sit with you. Even at eleven, when his stormy grey eyes met yours, you knew that he’d be all you thought of for years. And as you grew, your feelings for the boy only grew as well. Every moment alone in the common room and as potions partners were ingrained in your mind, replayed every night as you fell asleep. But despite your intense feelings for Sirius, he never seemed to see you as anything more than a friend, continuing to hook up with his string of gorgeous girls. The kind of girls that you wished you looked like when you gazed into your mirror. They were all undeniably beautiful, with gorgeous flowing hair and flawless skin. Their long and nimble fingers grazing his arms when they passed him in the hallways. They were quite the opposite of you, comfortable in their own bodies and confident. They were everything that you wished that you were.

You had never had much luck with boys, coming to the conclusion that you were no one’s type. But you certainly were not Sirius Black’s type.

You bustled up the stairs to your room, pushing open the door and dropping your bag by your bed. Lily looked up from her spot by the mirror, her mascara wand frozen mid-air.

“Oh, you’re back early today,” she said, confusion evident in her brow. You opened your trunk and pulled out a thick Gryffindor jumper, pulling it over your white turtleneck.

“I’ve decided to go to the match today,” you said, smoothing out your hair. Lily let out a laugh.

“You? Going to quidditch?” she asked with a goofy grin on her face. You shrugged with a small frown.

“James asked me to go,” you said quietly. Lily narrowed her eyes.

“James always asks you to go and you haven’t shown up in three years. I’m surprised you even knew there was a match today,” she said, turning back to the mirror to finish her makeup.

“Sirius found me in the library earlier and reminded me,” you said and you sidled up next to her by the mirror. You grabbed a red silk ribbon and began to pull your hair back. Lily smirked at you in the mirror.

“Oh now I understand,” she said in a playful tone. You rolled your eyes. “You just want to hang out with your boyfriend,” she continued before capping her mascara. You scoffed.

“Sirius is not my boyfriend! And if anyone is going to the match today to impress a boy it’s you,” you said, causing Lily to cough and blush deeply.

“Oh shut up,” she mumbled.

“Oh come on Lily I know you’re just going to watch James,” you said with a grin. Lily hid her crimson face with her hair.

“I just have house spirit,” she rationalized. You leaned back against the dresser and gave her a pointed look as she dropped onto her bed.

“Oh yeah? Then who’s jumper are you wearing right now?” you asked teasingly. Lily’s eyes went wide and she chucked a pillow at you. You just laughed before throwing it back at her and flopping on the bed beside her. The two of you laid in silence for a moment, mulling over your respective harbored feelings for boys with messy black hair. After a moment you spoke, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Lils?” you asked.

“Mhm?” she responded, turning her head to look at you.

“Do you think I’m boring?” you inquired softly. Lily furrowed her eyebrows.

“Of course not,” she said, “Why would you think that?” You shrugged, playing with a loose thread on the blanket. “Sirius called me boring this morning,” you revealed, sadness creeping into your voice. Lily scoffed.

“He was just teasing, you know how he is,” Lily said, propping herself up on her elbows. “He didn’t mean anything by it.” You frowned and continued to stare at the quilt. Lily hopped off the bed and held out her hand.

“Now let’s go,” she said with a smile, “Our boys are waiting.”

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

When you and Lily arrived at the quidditch pitch you are already cold. You rubbed your hands together as you searched the full stands to see if Sirius actually saved you a seat or not. You eventually spotted him among the Gryffindors and you pulled Lily towards him.

When you arrived you sat down in the empty space next to him, shooting him a small smile.

“You actually came,” he said with a smirk, “Peter and I were taking bets on if you’d actually show or not.” You rolled your eyes.

“Of course I came. You dragged me out of the library for this,” you said. Sirius clutched his chest in mock offense.

“I did not drag you,” he exclaimed, “you left of your own volition.” You chuckled, shaking your head.

The match began soon after, the players taking their positions in the sky. You watched as they zoomed back and forth, different colored balls flying in different directions. You only vaguely understood how quidditch worked, learning solely from Jame’s rambles at the breakfast table, but you were completely confused as to what was happening in front of you. Sirius noticed your pinched expression and smiled softly, finding your confusion positively adorable. He nudged you with his shoulder.

“Do you have any idea what’s happening?” he asked with a raised brow. Your eyes went wide.

“What? Of course I do,” you sputtered causing his smile to widen.

“Okay, clearly you don’t,” he teased, “what do you need me to explain?” You ducked your head.

“What does the little golden ball do?” you asked nervously. Sirius barked out a loud laugh, causing several students to turn your way. Lily shifted beside you.

“Did you just ask what the snitch means?” she asked. You covered your face with your hands.

“Forget it,” you grumbled, silently wishing that you had paid more attention to James. If you had actually listened when he explained the game to you multiple times, you wouldn’t be sitting here, embarrassing yourself greatly in front of Sirius. You suddenly wished that you were Lily, who had understood quidditch since the first match she had ever attended.

“No no it’s okay,” Sirius chuckled, removing your hands from your face. Your hands burned even under your wool mittens from the contact. “Catching the snitch is the only way to end the game,” he explained, “The seekers look for it while the others play, and whichever team catches it gains a hundred and fifty points.”

“A hundred and fifty?” you exclaimed, “Then what’s the point of the rest of the game? Whoever catches the snitch basically wins with all those points.” Sirius shook his head.

“It’s really hard to catch so sometimes it takes them hours to play. The score gets up to three hundred sometimes, even before the snitch is caught.” You frowned.

“I guess that kind of makes sense. I still think it’s stupid,” you said. Sirius laughed loudly again.

“You’re so weird,” he said before mussing up your hair. You swatted his hand away and attempted to ignore the burning embarrassment that you felt in your chest. Only about thirty minutes into the match, the Gryffindor seeker caught the snitch and effectively won the game. The stands stood up, roaring in pride. Lily took off towards the pitch, searching for James. You made your way down there as well, hoping to congratulate your cousin. When you found him in the crowd he had an arm around the very flushed Lily whom you raised an eyebrow at. She just rolled her eyes and subtly flicked you off.

“Congrats Jamie!” you said, raising your hand for a high five. His eyes widened at the sight of you, using his unoccupied arm to pull you into a quick side hug.

“You actually came!” he cried with a wide smile, “I owe Wormtail two galleons now.” you scoffed indignantly.

“Yee of little faith,” you said. James laughed and shook his head.

“Glad Sirius convinced you to come,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows at you. You felt heat crawl up your neck. Lily slapped his arm.

“James! Behave,” she said. James smiled at her.

“I’m sorry my Lilyflower, it won’t happen again.” Lily ducked under his arm, causing him to pout.

“I said not to call me that, Potter,” she said with a glare. But there was a deep affection for the boy shining in her eyes. Sirius came up behind you and patted James on the back.

“Good game mate,” he said with a grin. James threw an arm around his best friend’s shoulder.

“You might need to convince (Y/n) to come to another match, I think she was good luck.” You ducked your head slightly.

Before you could respond, a girl came over and snaked her hand around Sirius’s arm. Sirius looked down at Marlene and sent her a smile. You felt your stomach turn in jealousy. Marlene was your roommate and one of your closest friends. But you couldn’t help but be envious of her closeness with Sirius. She was his most consistent hookup, them adopting a friends with benefits type of relationship. Marlene was beautiful with long blonde hair and a slender frame. She wore clothes that you only wished you could someday be confident enough to pull off and had an irresistible air about her. You wanted to be like her more than anything.

“There’s an afterparty in the common room tonight. You gonna be there?” she asked. You understood the implications of her words and the question that she was really asking him.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he said, adopting a slightly flirty tone. Marlene turned to the rest of the group, her bright eyes wide and expectant.

“Will you guys come too?” she asked, her voice much more innocent than before. Everyone around you nodded. You saw Sirius look at you.

“What about you, (Y/n),” he asked. You looked up and shrugged.

“Parties aren’t really my thing,” you replied. In your seven years at school, you had never attended a party, not understanding the appeal of getting drunk and dancing amongst sweaty bodies. Sirius snorted.

“Don’t know what I expected. Of course, Miss boring won’t be coming,” he said. His tone indicated that his statement was nothing more than a lighthearted jibe but you suddenly felt the burning need to prove him wrong.

“You know what,” you said with false confidence, “I think I will go.”

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

You stood in front of your mirror, tugging at the short skirt that you were wearing. You barely recognized yourself, having let Lily and Marlene dress you up. They had chosen a purple tank top and a black mini skirt. You had to admit that you looked good, but you did not look like yourself. If anything you looked more like Marlene, minus the effortless confidence and all around perfection. But when you thought of how Sirius constantly flirted with her, maybe emulating Marlene wouldn’t be such a bad thing. You gave your reflection one final frown before turning to your friends. Lily was applying a final coat of lipgloss and Marlene was messing with her hair.

“You guys almost ready?” you asked, wringing your hands nervously. Lily set aside her makeup and walked towards you.

“You look so good!” Lily said, seemingly not noticing your insecurity. You smiled anxiously at her, thanking her softly. Marlene ran her hands through her hair a final time before marching towards you.

“Let’s go, ladies,” she said with an excited squeal. She grabbed both of your hands and pulled you and Lily out the door.

When you arrived in the common room the party was already in full swing. Students were dancing together in the middle of the room and cups of firewhiskey mixed with a mystery liquid were being handed out. Marlene was immediately pulled onto the dance floor by a sixth year she had been flirting with and bid you goodbye. You and Lily weaved through the crowd together, searching for familiar faces.

You spotted the Marauders by the drinks table, each of them holding a cup in their hands. Lily went up to James, initiating a conversation with the boy. You stood by awkwardly, unsure of where to go. Suddenly, Sirius came up next to you, a second cup in his hand.

“A glass of jungle juice for the lady,” he said with a smirk. You smiled at him and accepted the cup. You wondered if your eyes were playing tricks on you or if Sirius had just looked you up and down.

“Thank you,” you said before taking a small sip. You immediately scrunched your nose and flinched, not used to the burning sensation in your throat. Sirius laughed from beside you.

“You’ll get used to it,” he said, taking a long sip of his own drink.

“That was disgusting,” you said before taking another equally excruciating sip. Sirius lowered your cup from your lips, sending you a warning glance.

“Don’t drink too much too fast or you’ll get absolutely smashed,” he warned, “And you’ll get a killer headache in the morning.” You nodded in understanding. You took a quick glance around the room, spotting James and Lily head to the dance floor.

“So what does one do at a party?” you asked Sirius, earning a sweet lopsided grin from him.

“Well, obviously you drink,” he said, raising his cup. “But you also dance, hang out with people, and a lot of people come to find a quick hookup.”

“Okay got it,” you responded, bopping your head to the music.

“Not that you have to do any of that,” he said, “especially the last one.” Your cheeks flushed at his implication.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” you mumbled, taking a quick sip of your drink. A silence settled over you as you fiddled with the straps of your tank top, still not used to the low cut. Sirius suddenly downed the rest of his drink.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, “I’m gonna get a refill.” You nodded quickly. While you waited you finished your own drink, becoming more used to the flavor as your head became fuzzier. You waited for Sirius for a while, and it appeared that he wouldn’t be coming back. You made your way to the drink table and Sirius was nowhere to be found. You sighed, assuming that he had left with Marlene or another girl. You refilled your cup and downed it quickly, barely taking a break between sips, and poured a third. You stumbled over to the couch, realizing that the drink was stronger than you thought. As soon as you plopped down on the sofa, Lily was at your side, her cheeks flushed and her clothes slightly rumpled.

“(Y/n)!” she cried, throwing her arms around your neck, “There you are!” You giggled at your friend, her affectionate side coming out full force when she drank. As she burrowed into your neck, you caught a whiff of a familiar cologne. Your eyes widened and you pushed Lily off you.

“Did you? With James?” you asked, unable to properly articulate the question in your drunken state. Lily giggled.

“Yes,” she said, “but shh, don’t tell anyone.” Lily pressed her index finger to your mouth, causing you to giggle.

“That’s gross,” you groaned, attempting to rid yourself of the image of your cousin and best friend in a compromising position. Lily scoffed.

“I can promise you that it was certainly not gross,” she said with a sly smile. You covered your ears.

“Enough! I don’t want any details,” you cried. Lily laughed uncontrollably, flopping against you.

“Let’s dance,” she said, pulling you up from the couch. The two of you stumbled onto the dance floor and began to sway to the music.

“I don’t know how to dance!” you shouted at her. Lily grinned wildly.

“No one here does! That’s the fun of it!” The two of you jumped to the music and swung around. You felt a pair of large hands touch your hips and you turned to see a boy in your year looking down on you with half-lidded eyes. At the moment you couldn’t remember his name, but you leaned into his touch anyways, moving closer. A flash of guilt came over you when his fingers brushed the bare skin of your stomach but you brushed it away. Why should you feel the need to stay loyal to a boy that you don’t even have? A boy who didn’t even think of you in a romantic sense?

From across the room, Sirius watched you over Marlene’s shoulder. The girl had pulled him into a conversation and had effectively trapped him in a corner. He hadn’t meant to leave you stranded in the middle of the party. Now he watched as you pressed yourself against a stranger and Sirius gritted his teeth. He looked back down at Marlene who was looking up at him with a seductive expression. He had no intention of sleeping with her tonight, only wanting to spend his time with you. But it seemed that he had blown his chances since you were clearly occupied. So Sirius brushed a strand of hair from Marlene’s face a leaned closer to her.

Lily backed away from you, sending you a not so subtle thumbs-up, before abandoning the dancefloor. You and the boy danced for a while longer before you caught sight of Marlene and Sirius with their faces close together. You frowned slightly before tearing your eyes away, not wanting to subject yourself to that torture. You tried to turn your attention back to the boy who you were pressed against. His advances were getting slightly bolder, his hands traveling slightly farther down your waist. He suddenly flipped you around, tilting your chin towards him with his pointer finger. He started to lean in, but you broke away from his grasp.

“What are you doing?” you asked, your panic levels rising.

“Trying to kiss you?” he answered, confused at your reaction. You felt tears slightly burn behind your eyes and you went to push past him. He grabbed you by the wrist.

“Where are you going? I thought we were having a good time,” he asked, anger edging into his tone.

“Away from you,” you replied, harsher than you intended. He scoffed before letting go of your wrist. You push through the crowd and out of the common room.

Sirius watched the whole altercation and peeled Marlene off of him when he saw you flee the party.

“Sirius?” she asked, confusion in her eyes.

“I have to go,” he said breathlessly. Marlene shrugged.

“Alright then. I’ll go find Dorcas,” she said, heading off to find her next hookup.

Sirius hurried out the portrait hole, attempting to track you down. He found you crumpled in a hallway a small ways away from the fat lady. Your head was in your hands and you cried, the makeup Marlene had meticulously put on you slowly smudging. Sirius slid down next to you and pulled you into a tight hug, setting his chin atop of your head and letting you sob into his shirt.

“It’s alright,” he said in an attempt to soothe you. You hiccupped.

“I hate parties,” you cried, your voice muffled by his T-shirt. Sirius couldn’t help but smile slightly at your personality shining through your drunken stupor.

“I know I know,” he said quietly, rubbing circles into your back.

After a few minutes of muffled crying, you sat up and wiped your eyes.

“Feeling better?” Sirius asked, pulling his knees up to his chest. You nodded silently.

“Why are you out here?” you asked quietly, “I thought you were with Marlene.” Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, not missing the bitterness in your voice.

“She’s still at the party,” he answered, “I left her to come to help you.” You pouted slightly.

“Why would you leave Marlene?” you asked confusedly, “I’m not worth that, Marlene’s perfect.” Sirius frowned deeply.

“What are you talking about,” he prodded. You sighed.

“Marlene is so pretty and perfect. I don’t know why you’d leave her to come see me,” you slurred. Sirius brushed a strand of hair from his face.

“Because I was worried about you. Besides, you’re more important to me than Marlene,” he answered. Your frown only deepened.

“But you spend all that time around her. And she’s so beautiful. Merlin,” you put your head in your hands, “I wish I was like her.” Sirius thought his heart would break at your words and forlorn expression. He pulled you back into his chest, stroking your hair.

“You don’t need to be like Marlene,” he assured you. You struggled to break free from his grasp.

“You don’t understand,” you mumbled.

“Then explain it to me,” he sighed. You pulled your knees to your chest.

“Marlene is so beautiful and confident. I just wish that I could be like her. Or even half as pretty as she would be enough,” you peered up at Sirius with teary eyes.

“What are you talking about?” he whispered, “You’re beautiful.” You scoffed.

“No, I’m not. I’m homely and plain and I’m boring. I’m not enough. Marlene is enough. Lily is enough! I want to be like them,” you said, choking back a sob. Sirius reached out to wipe away your tears.

“You’re more than enough.”

“But I’m not! I’m not pretty like them. I’m not sure of myself like Marlene. I’m not smart like Lily. For Godric’s sake! That’s why I’m always in the library every weekend. I need to spend my whole life studying to make good marks. No matter how much I try and try it’s never good enough,” you yelled. Sirius was silent, taken aback by your outburst. He had no idea what to say to you to try to get you to understand just how wrong you were.

“(Y/n),” he pleaded with you to look at him. You lifted your head, your cheeks still flushed from yelling. “You are unbelievable. You’re kind and funny, and astonishingly sweet. Lily and Marlene don’t even hold a candle to you,” he said softly. You looked away.

“You’re just saying that because you’re my friend,” you accused, your words slightly garbled from the alcohol. Sirius looks you deeply in the eyes, his eyes unwavering.

“You are the most beautiful and amazing girl that I have ever seen. And I have thought this since the moment that we first met,” he said. This confession stirred something in your chest. You tried to think of what to say, sorting through your fuzzy and muddled thoughts. You opened your mouth to reply, before promptly leaning over and hurling all over Sirius’s shoes.

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

The next morning you woke up with an earth splitting headache. You groaned as you rolled over, spotting the glass of water on your bedside table. You looked down to see that you were still wearing last night’s clothes.

“Good morning sunshine,” Lily said with a smirk, leaning against the dresser in one of James’s jumpers.

“Quiet please,” you begged, sitting up slowly. Lily chuckled. You looked around the room to see Mary and Alice sleeping soundly in their beds.

“Where’s Marlene?” you asked, dread settling at the bottom of your stomach, immediately assuming that she was with Sirius. Lily shrugged.

“She never made it back last night.” You swung your legs out of bed and began to get ready for the day, wiping off the old makeup and putting on fresh clothing.

“She must be with Sirius then,” you said. You saw Lily frown.

“Do you remember anything that happened last night?” she asked. You tried to recall your memories to no avail.

“The last thing I remember is dancing with you and that guy. Everything is all fuzzy after that,” you confessed, “Why?”

“Well, that guy made a pass at you so you ran away. Sirius brought you back and put you to bed. I think Marlene was with Dorcas, not Sirius,” she revealed. You frowned, struggling to recall these events. No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t remember a thing.

“Oh,” was your only response.

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

“Hello there ladies!” James called as you and Lily walked to the table for breakfast. Lily sat next to him and didn’t protest when he put an arm around her waist, and you plopped down and immediately rested your head on the table.

“Rough night?” Remus asked with a chuckle.

“I am never drinking again,” you replied with a groan.

“That’s what they all say,” James said, patting you on the back. You sat up, trying to find something to eat that wouldn’t make you throw up. You glance up to see Sirius avoiding your gaze.

“Hey,” you whispered to him. He looked up at you briefly before turning back to his plate.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Do you know what happened when I left the party? I can barely remember a thing from last night,” you asked. Sirius’s shoulders appeared to slump slightly.

“I went to go find you and then I carried you back to your room,” he said, still not looking at you fully.

“Oh. So that’s all?” you asked. Sirius smirked.

“That and you threw up on me,” he revealed, making your jaw drop.

“I did not!” you exclaimed, your hand covering to cover your mouth. Sirius grimaced slightly.

“Unfortunately for me, you did.” Your face burned with embarrassment and you wanted the floor of the Great Hall to swallow you whole.

Marlene sauntered up to the table eventually, looking far too good for someone who had been out all night.

“Hello everyone,” she said as she sat, her voice bright and chipper. You attempted to smooth your hair, self-conscious now that the gorgeous girl was sitting next to you. Sirius frowned at your action, now knowing the meaning behind it.

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

You were doing homework in the common room when James and his friends surrounded you on the couch. You looked up at them, noting their suspicious behavior and narrowing your eyes at them.

“What are you guys up to?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. James sat down next to you and threw an arm around your shoulder.

“Well my dear cousin, we need your help with something,” he stated with a sly smile on his face. You crinkled your nose and removed his arm from you.

“Does this something happen to be a prank?” you asked frankly, crossing your arms tightly across your chest. James shrugged.

“Possibly…” he said.

“James, how many times must I tell you that I don’t want to be involved in your practical jokes,” you reminded him. James groaned.

“Come one, (Y/n)! Where’s your sense of adventure?” he asked, exasperated. The memories of Sirius calling you boring bounced around in your mind. You stole a quick glance at him to see him watching you with an unreadable expression.

“Fine,” you agreed, internally hoping that you wouldn’t come to regret your words. You looked back at Sirius to see him frowning.

You and the Marauders walked through the corridors as James explained the plan. Remus, James, and Peter were going to set up fuses in three classrooms that when lit, would cause paint bombs to explode in each room. You and Sirius were to be lookouts. James, Peter, and Remus disappeared into the classrooms while you and Sirius leaned against the wall.

“I didn’t expect you to agree to this,” Sirius said, “I didn’t think you liked this kind of thing.” You shrugged and inspected your nails, picking at the skin around them.

“I’m trying to branch out. Trying not to be so boring,” you answered. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows.

“You’re not boring,” he said in an oddly defensive manner. You widened your eyes.

“You literally tell me I’m boring all the time,” you replied. Sirius leaned his head back against the wall.

“I’m just joking when I say that. You’re not boring, just responsible,” he said with a frown. You turned your head away and peered down the hallway.

“Can I ask you something?” Sirius asked, turning his body fully towards you.

“Yeah, of course,” you replied.

“Lily told me that the guy at the party tried to kiss you and that’s why you ran away. How come you didn’t kiss him? You looked pretty into him when you two were dancing,” he asked, barely meeting your eyes. You flushed deeply.

“I- uh,” you stuttered, “I’ve never kissed anyone before and I didn’t want to do it for the first time when I was drunk and with someone I don’t even know,” you revealed shyly. Sirius cocked his head.

“What do you mean you’ve never kissed anyone?” he asked.

“I mean that. No one has ever kissed me,” you repeated, shaking your head slightly.

“What? How come?” Sirius asked. You shrugged.

“No one’s ever wanted to I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity. No one’s ever liked me like that.”

“That’s bullshit,” he exclaimed.

“What?”

“Plenty of guys like you like that!”

“What?” you sputtered.

“Well that guy last night for one,” he explained.

“Oh he doesn’t count!” you cried out, “He was drunk and it was a party!”

“Ok then, that Ravenclaw from transfiguration, Parker Johnson, Carter Mason had the biggest crush on you in fourth year,” he said, repeatedly listing names. You threw up your hands.

“What! That’s so not true!” you said with a laugh. Sirius smiled widely at you.

“Yes, it is! You have guys falling all over you and you don’t even notice.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t believe you. Why have none of them ever said anything? And I feel like I would have noticed if that many people liked me-” your rambling was cut off by Sirius’s lips pressing against yours. Your eyes were wide and when you don’t immediately reciprocate he moved back.

“What was that for?” you whispered fervently. Sirius cleared his throat.

“Practice,” he said, “for when one of those blokes has the courage to ask you out.” You gaped at him, unsure of how to react.

“Thank you?” you said, not being able to come up with another response.

“What are friends for?” he asked with a shrug, turning to face away from you. With that one word, Sirius Black effectively shattered your heart. Friends. Whatever shimmer of hope that the chaste kiss had given you faded into oblivion, only to be replaced by the empty feeling of sadness.

The silence between you and Sirius is interrupted when James came barreling down the hall, Remus and Peter not far behind.

“We need to go now!” he shouted, grabbing your hand and pulling you away.

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

“He kissed you?” Lily practically shouted from her bed. You nodded, putting your head in your hands.

“Oh my Godric!” Marlene yelled from next to Lily.

“So are you two like a thing now?” Lily asked, a wide smile across her face.

“No,” you said dejectedly, “He said it was just as friends.” Lily scoffed and shook her head.

“Men are idiots,” she said, rolling over to lay on her back. Marlene nodded in agreement.

“How was it?” Marlene asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“How was what?”

“This kiss, silly!” she exclaimed. You flushed a deep red.

“I’m not sure I have nothing to compare it to,” you said. Marlene promptly stood up and marched to your bed before planting one on you.

“Marlene!” you sputtered, wiping your mouth with your sleeve. Lily squealed with laughter at your blushing face while Marlene grinned.

“Come on, how does it compare,” she asked again, “And how was mine? I’ve always wanted to know.” You threw a pillow at her.

“I am not answering that,” you grumbled, causing Lily and Marlene to dissolve into another fit of giggles. After a moment, when your sad expression doesn’t change, Marlene sat beside you and gave you a hug.

“I’m sorry he’s being such an arse,” she said softly, “I didn’t realize how much you liked him.” You sniffled.

“Are you mad?” you asked quietly. Marlene frowned.

“Why would I be mad?” she asked.

“You and Sirius kind of have something going on, don’t you?” you said, lifting your head to look at her. Marlene laughed.

“I mean I guess, but there are no feelings involved,” she assured you, “It’s just a bit of fun. And I never would have started it if I knew that you liked him.” You hugged her tightly.

“Thank you Marls,” you said softly, relishing in her warm and comforting touch.

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

A week later and you and Sirius hadn’t talked. It appeared that he was ignoring you. You didn’t enjoy the radio silence as it made you feel even more rejected. So when your trip to Hogsmeade came around, you were surprised to see Sirius standing with your friends. He gave you a tight-lipped smile when you joined the group but didn’t speak a word to you. While the ride to the small village was lively and full of chatter, all you could focus on was Sirius’s silence.

The first stop was Honeydukes. You burrowed your way into the back of the store, searching for candies and trying to escape Sirius’s scorching gaze. You were examining a display of chocolates when you felt a presence appear beside you. You looked up to Sirius next to you.

“Thought you might like this,” he mumbled, holding out a chocolate frog like an olive branch. You smiled slightly at the gesture.

“No thank you,” you mumbled, feeling guilty.

“Oh. Sorry then,” he said, beginning to scoot away.

“Wait!” you cried out too loudly, causing Sirius to stop in his tracks. “Thank you, it was a nice thought. I just don’t like chocolate frogs,” you said shyly. Sirius frowned.

“But I thought that you loved chocolate. You’re always stealing from Remus’s stash,” he said. You blushed at the thought of him remembering such a small detail.

“I like chocolate,” you explained, “Just not chocolate frogs.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Sirius said with a chuckle, leaning against a shelf.

“I have a reason,” you exclaimed, “It’s just kind of stupid.”

“Let’s hear it then,” he said, crossing his arms with a smirk.

“Don’t laugh,” you warned him, “I don’t like eating chocolate frogs because I feel like I’m killing them.” Sirius began to laugh.

“You know they’re not actually alive right?” he said in between wheezes.

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” you whined.

“I’m sorry,” he said, still chuckling.

“When they’re wiggling all around it just makes them seem too alive,” you said with a shudder.

“You’re so weird,” he said. Despite the affection clearly evident in his eyes, you frowned at the comment. “Not in a bad way,” he corrected. He cocked his head. “In an adorable way.” You ducked your head and laughed.

“Oh hush,” you said, playfully slapping his shoulder. You go up to the front to pay for your sweets, Sirius right behind you. You look around the store only to discover that your friends are nowhere to be seen.

“Where’d everybody go?” you asked Sirius. He frowned.

“It appears that we have been ditched.”

You pushed open the door, heading out into the cold to find your friends. You shivered involuntarily at the chilly weather, a thin layer of snow gracing the ground. You had borrowed Marlene’s clothing for the trip to Hogsmeade, hoping to elicit some sort of reaction from Sirius. But now you slightly regretted that decision because her clothes were far thinner than yours and you were freezing.

“Here,” Sirius said as he draped his coat over your shoulders. You smiled and looked away.

“Thank you,” you said softly.

“What are you wearing,” he asked, “You know you get cold.” You shrugged, tugging at the thin sweater.

“It’s Marlene’s,” you explained. Sirius scrunched up his nose.

“Why are you wearing her clothes? What’s wrong with your clothes?” he asked almost accusatory.

“Nothing is wrong with my clothes, I just wanted to try something new. I like how Marlene dresses,” you said.

“Do you want to try something different or do you think you need to be like Marlene?” he asked bluntly, crossing his arms. You stopped in your tracks and spun around to face him.

“Why are you acting like this?” you asked irritatedly.

“Answer the question,” he said raising his eyebrows. You scoffed.

“What are you even going on about?” you asked, avoiding his gaze. He had somehow pinpointed the exact reason that you were wearing Marlene’s clothing and you hated it. Sirius sighed and kicked some snow with his toe.

“At the party, when you were drunk, you said some things,” he revealed quietly. You felt your stomach drop.

“What did I say?” you whispered. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows.

“You said all these horrible things about yourself, saying that you wished you were like Marlene or Lily,” he answered. You sucked in a breath.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” you mumbled, embarrassment burning in your chest. Sirius took a step closer to you.

“Don’t be sorry. I just didn’t know you felt like that. I’m worried about you, that’s all,” he said. You sighed quietly.

“You don’t need to worry about me,” you said, hoping to end the discussion there.

“Yes I do, (Y/n),” he said, “because I can see you trying to change all of these things about yourself and you shouldn’t be. You’re not boring and the way you always dress is perfect. You don’t need to change unless you want to for the right reasons. These are not the right reasons.” You sniffled, your eyes burning.

“Sirius I’m fine, I swear,” you said under your breath. Sirius ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“Yes, you are fine. Fine the way you are. So stop trying to change. You’re already perfect,” he said, practically pleading with you. You scoffed.

“You’re just saying this to make me feel better,” you replied. Sirius grabbed your hands.

“I’m not, I promise. You are the most extraordinary and beautiful person I know. Don’t change for anybody but yourself,” he whispered, his hot breath fanning across your face.

“Sirius…” you breathed.

“I wish I could get you to see yourself how I see you,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. You search his face, his eyes filled with sincerity. After a short moment of contemplation, you stood on your tiptoes and ghosted a kiss against his lips. Sirius immediately reciprocated, placing a hand tenderly on your waist. The kiss was miles better than your last, his lips sweet and warm and your hands tangled in his hair. When he pulled away, a gentle smile adorning his features, he pressed his forehead against yours.

“I like you, (Y/n),” he said, “The real you. The you who sits in the library on Saturdays and doesn’t know shit about quidditch and who is afraid of eating chocolate frogs. That’s the you that I want.” His eyes held just as much emotion as his words, making tears prick at the back of your eyes.

“I can be that,” you whispered. He pressed a kiss to your hairline.

“I hope someday you can love that version of you as much as I do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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