#except hes a shit head unlike Jose
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bxhindxthexmxsk · 5 years ago
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Child: *calls Ann pretty*
Ann: oh shit guess Im indulging in a cute child. This is my bby now💕💕💕💕
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artificialqueens · 6 years ago
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First Move (Branjie) - SnowBun
A/N: “I thought you said you weren’t going to write for a while.” I. KNOW. But after the past few days (esp. the Roscoe’s fiasco,) I couldn’t help myself from writing a nice little oneshot. I’ll be updating Tongue Tied soon (not sure how soon, though.) But I hope you guys enjoy this in the meantime. xoxo
At first, she thinks it’s nothing.
She thought of nothing of the private glances shared across the workroom. She thought nothing of the flirtatious comments thrown her way. She thought nothing of the blush that graced her cheeks whenever she would look her way.
Until one day, it doesn’t mean nothing.
She’s out in the lot during Untucked, smoking one, two, three cigarettes. She knows that by the time she gets back to the runway to hear her critiques, her lungs will practically be worthless.
“You okay?”
Now, that’s what a chainsmoker sounds like, she thinks to herself as she turns around. Vanjie’s standing there, in full drag, except for her hair. It looks almost comical to see her fade atop the glittering red glory.
“Yeah.”
She throws the cigarette on the ground, and stamps it out with her heel. The heat outside causes the material of her dress to start sticking to her skin. She can’t be sure if it’s that or Vanjie’s doubtful glare that makes her uncomfortable.
“Hoe, I know you lying.”
For a moment, she wonders if she’ll cry. Her anxiety weighs heavy in her chest, and it pushes down into her stomach until she feels sick. She looks down, refusing to meet Vanjie’s eyes, and shrugs.
“I’ll be fine.”
Vanjie steps closer, and she doesn’t shy away when a hand starts to run down her shoulder comfortingly.
“I’m here.”
“I know.”
When she reaches out to hug her, she’s thankful that the headpiece is gone. She lets the smell of menthol shampoo curb the fear. Much better than menthol cigarettes, she thinks. She swears that Vanjie almost says something, but doesn’t probe when she steps away.
“Thanks, Vanjie.”
“Jose.” She corrects him.
“Jose.” She repeats with a nod.
She’s about to leave her to her thoughts when she stops in the doorway, a close-lipped smile stamped on her face.
“You know you can’t act for shit, right Brooke?”
“Was the challenge really that bad?”
There’s a loud, raspy laugh. “Nah baby, it ain’t that challenge I’m talking about.”
The Los Angeles sunset is streaming through the window, bathing her in its orange glow as she lies spread eagle on the bed. There are so many words that rush through her head at a hundred miles per hour.
You’re safe.
Kahanna Montrese, sashay away.
It ain’t that challenge I’m talking about.
She thinks she might need to ask a PA to buy her an Advil.
There’s a knock on the door that only makes the pounding in her head worse. She groans when she gets up, and tells herself to shoo away whoever is on the other side lest she end up yelling at someone.
“Hey Brooke Lynn!” She’s barely swung the door open when Silky’s voice booms straight into her skull like a jackhammer.
“What do you want, Silky?”
She hopes that her tone doesn’t come off too harsh. She’s too Canadian for it. Silky doesn’t seem to notice, however, because she’s smirking at her like she knows a secret that’s she’s just dying to spill.
“My sister said, ‘can you make her pussy fart?’”
The words are basically a taser, leaving her stunned. She doesn’t have to ask who she’s talking about. She doesn’t even have to think about it. All of a sudden, she isn’t thinking about the pain threatening to break her head open like an egg.
All of a sudden, she can’t think at all.
“Silky!” She hears Vanjie at the end of the hallway, and watches as she rushes to push her away. She shoots Brooke an embarrassed look, and it looks like she’s ready to die on the spot when Silky laughs heartily.
They shuffle away, Silky’s laughter still ringing in her ears and the mortified expression on Vanjie’s face, still imprinted on the front of her brain.
Before Nina can get into a van, she quite literally pulls her aside. She looks around panickily to see if Vanjie’s come down yet, and when she sees that the coast is clear, she turns back to Nina, her eyebrows raised in question.
“I think I have a crush on Jose.”
The questioning look turns puzzled.
“Who’s Jose?”
“Vanjie!” She answers exasperatedly. For a moment, she wonders if she’s going crazy. She wonders if the bottled water that they kept giving her had hallucinogens making her think that the most gorgeous, sexy, down-right criminally attractive—
She takes a deep breath, letting the air wash away the words that made her head spin.
“I think he likes me too.”
Nina bursts out laughing, and she almost wants to yell at her for being so uncharacteristically cruel in her time of need. She groans in frustration before shouting, “Fuck it, Nina! I’m being serious!”
“I know!” Nina replies in between laughs, wiping away tears from the corners of her eyes. “It’s just so fucking high school that I can’t help it.”
She knows what Nina means. A crush? It makes her sound like a 16-year-old who writes her and her crush’s name, all surrounded in little hearts, in her notebook during class. She laments the death of her dignity.
“Look,” Nina starts. “If you really like him, just tell him already. No shame in liking someone.”
“But it’s a competition!”
“So?” Her mouth opens and closes like a fish. “You like him, he likes you. It isn’t rocket science. Just go for it.”
When she turns around to watch Nina walk away, she sees Vanjie climb into the van, doing everything to avoid her eyes.
When she opens her door, she isn’t expecting to see Vanjie, blonde wig perched loosely on her head.
“Hey.” She greets breathily.
“Hey.”
“I was, uhmm,” She waves around the script in her hand. “Hoping I could run some lines with you. Y’know, see what someone else thinks.”
She lets her in without another word, and closes the door. Vanjie shifts her feet awkwardly behind her, looking unsure if she should sit on the bed or the floor or if she should sit at all. She thinks it looks kind of cute.
“Here,” She says, sitting on her bed and picking up her own script. “Let’s do it?”
Vanjie sits close enough to her that her shoulder bumps her arm, and God, does she want to reach over and kiss her. She watches her roll her bottom lip between her teeth as she flips to the conversion part of the script.
“So, I was kind of thinking,” Vanjie turns to look at her. “I would maybe flip my hair like this.”
When she tries to demonstrate, her wig goes flying across the room, and Brooke starts to laugh so hard that she ends up curled on the bed.
“You think that’s real funny, don’t you, bitch?”
She’s too busy laughing to answer, and Vanjie leans over. She’s basically screaming with laughter when her fingers fly to her stomach to tickle her.
“This is what you get,” She hears Vanjie’s voice over her own laughter. “For laughing at me, bitch!”
When she gets tired, the laughter begins to die down and she sprawls herself out on the bed. Vanjie lays on her stomach, her elbows lifting up her upper half and her face hovering right above her own.
She wonders if she can hear her heart pounding in the quiet of the hotel room.
“I like your eyebrows, Miss Brooke.”
She isn’t quite sure what she’s expecting to hear, but it definitely isn’t that. She chuckles, reaching up to fix a strand of dark hair that’s fallen in front of her face, obscuring her view to dark eyes.
“You can call me Brock.”
She watches a smile bloom on her face, more beautiful than elegant gowns draped across perfect figures or the sun reflecting on the sea as it gleamed across the horizon. She swears that her face gets closer.
They stay like that for a moment, all calm and quiet, scripts and wig forgotten. She reaches up a hand to her back, drawing patterns with her fingers. She swears that she can Vanjie purr.
“I got a question, Brock.”
“What?” She cocks her head.
“You gonna kiss me, or what?”
She laughs once more before lifting her head up in reply. Catching her lips in a kiss, she suddenly realizes what torture is. To feeling something so good, so perfect, so fucking wonderful that her toes curl, only for it to pull away in seconds.
Vanjie gets up, picks up her wig, and hands her a copy of the script. She sits up, completely dumbfounded.
“Come on,” She says, sitting back down beside her. “Let’s practice.”
“Why?” The whine sounds so unlike her, but she loves the way it makes Vanjie laugh.
“If you do well tomorrow, you’ll get a reward.” She winks.
She sighs loudly, and flips her script.
“Alright Miss Vanjie,” She replies. “But the reward better be those cookies.”
Vanjie howls.
Twenty-four hours and a maxi challenge later, she lay in bed with Vanjie’s head in the crook of her neck. She felt her nip at her neck, and she tightened the arm wrapped around her waist.
She sighted contentedly as she ran her free hand through her blonde curls.
Never in the world had she felt so relaxed. Years of ballet had hammered the tension into her muscles. Not in a million years had she ever considered that a dark-haired queen with the voice of a bullhorn would put her at ease.
Especially not in the middle of a cutthroat competition.
“I’ll take it I did well, then?”
“Oh, trust me, baby,” Vanjie says, drawing lazy patterns on the patch of blanket over Brooke’s thigh. “You did real good.”
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So, I see you write in tags about your OCs. Could you tell us more about them?
YES!!!!!! OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR ASKING I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND-
I’m going to answer for my “main seven”/my favourites atm, AND for Var, Jose, Eva, and Claudia (these 4 are from a different original universe of mine than the “main seven”) bc I’ve been thinking about them a lot, BUT I have 25 OCs in total… it’s just overwhelming to answer for all of them at once. I hope this is okay!! A main masterpost for all my OCs is coming soon in the new year if Tumblr survives that long!!
Joseph is a 25 year old man. He’s got blondish brown hair and blue eyes. He has anger management issues that are a sure fire way to get him into trouble. He is all too loyal and protective of the people he loves and can love very deeply, which can also get him into trouble. He’s reckless, impulsive, but his heart is always in the right place where his loved ones are concerned.  He has a daughter, Claudia, by his late wife who he loves more than anything in the whole world. He was raising her alongside his best friend, Var, before the apocalypse hit. He later becomes a part of a poly relationship with Var and Eva.
Varisse is also 25 year old. He’s got close-cropped black hair (and a few grey hairs to show the years he’s spent putting up with Jose’s shit), dark brown eyes and dark skin. He is patient, intelligent, and caring, the ying to Joseph’s yang. He tries to try to see both sides of an issue, almost too much so. He worked as a DJ before the apocalypse and he has a lifelong passion for music… though he can’t sing a straight note to save his life, he’d be the first to tell you that, with a rueful smile. He’s known and been in love with Joseph since kindergarten, and was happy to raise Claudie alongside his best friend.
Eva is a 26 years old woman. She has fair hair, green eyes, and pale skin that burns very easily. She tries her best to be brave and level-headed but is far out of her depth, since she’s used to being a teacher and dealing with a bunch of 6 year olds, not hordes of ravening undead. She can still show spine when pushed to it, though, and is capable of ripping apart arguments and ego with no effort at all. She was Claudia’s teacher before and after the apocalypse and over that time developed a crush on both Varisse and Joseph. After they meet up again amid zombie-filled hardship, that crush developed even more and was quickly requited. She’s out of depth as Claudia’s mother but is learning more each day, and is always a pillar of faith for her boys.
Claudia is Joseph’s 6 year old daughter. She may have her father’s sandy-brown hair but otherwise she’s a spitting image of her mother, with her olive skin and hazel eyes (she’s cranky she didn’t get her dad’s eyes). She’s made up of pure precocious intelligence and sass. She doesn’t take shit from anyone, least of all her dad; Varisse is the only person that can order her around and she’ll listen to no matter what. She has no problem with doing what she’s told… so long as that person asks her respectfully, she thinks it’s a good/fun idea, and they don’t try to boss her around. She has her Dad’s recklessness and will and her mom’s wit and cute face, not a great combination if you’re an authority figure, she’s a master manipulator. She’s very proud of her dads and mom and will loudly support them.
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June is a demon. They’re agender, have black hair cut down to their chin, olive skin, black eyes, and an oval-shaped face with a sharper jawline. They’re covered in tiny crucifix-shaped scars all over, one in particular above their left eyebrow. They’re tiny (4′9) but armed with a mouth full of razor-sharp shark teeth, hands tipped in claw-like nails, and a ready willingness to use them. They dislike the features of the modern world and are generally a Grinch about everything. They only like about 2 people in the whole world. They believe complaining to be an art form and practice it - regularly. In a nutshell they’re a bitter, cynical, PTSD-filled, cantankerous ball of apathy and hate. They’re the leader of Hell’s pack of hellhounds. They were in a very abusive relationship with Mars but after a particularly horrific event, they left with Dante’s help. They keep a lessor hellhound with them at all times as a companion; on earth, it takes the shape of a small black pug named Taco. They somehow mix not caring about anything and being very Extra. They sleep in expensive silk pajamas. They’re fond of red wine. They also love fast food - they particularly enjoy it when it runs. :) yes June’s my favourite how can you tell
August is a drama queen angel. They’re genderfluid (they go mostly by gendered pronouns but since their gender isn’t clear or pointed out in most posts I make on Tumblr, I use ‘they/them’ as a catch-all kind of thing.) They’re Asian in appearance but since angels are not natural humans, they have silvery-blonde hair down to their shoulder-blades and their eyes are a bright crystal blue (they hate looking so unusual though so most of the time they use dark contacts and hair dye to blend in with the humans.) They’re tall at 5′11 and they love elegant dresses. They excel at dancing (they’ve mastered all kinds but their favourite is ballet) and swordsmanship. They have AD(H)D but rather than sort it out like a normal person, they deny it and disguise it as them just not caring. They also have anxiety and struggle with overthinking. They’re somewhat (understatement) of an alcoholic due to the constant deaths of their mortal lovers from old age, while they themself remain unchanged. They’re aloof and think of themself as superior, though they’re easily flustered if you try and can actually be quite clingy. They’re very emotional despite their shows of coldness in public.
Myriad is a demon. They’re also genderfluid and they’re indifferent to pronouns. They’re very tall at 6′5, they have very dark skin, and wear their black hair in dreadlocks down to their shoulders. Their eyes change colours like a kaleidoscope, shifting eerily between shades of yellow, grey, blue, and green depending on the lighting and their mood. How they treat you depends entirely on how you treat them and others: if you’re kind, they’ll be fine with you, but if you’re a bad person… well, they are the demon of punishment after all. They do have a soft spot for the small, the sweet, and the helpless and can be quite protective, but mostly they’re entirely self-centred and act on their own whims. They’re quite sexually prolific. They enjoy pranks with malicious glee. They’re very physically intimidating. They have 2 sets of fangs, both potent, one full of a paralytic venom and the other an excruciatingly painful and lethal venom. They also have a harmless pet ball python named Albert and their favourite item of clothing is a soft knitted sweater with kittens on it. :D
Ben is a fallen angel/demon. He identifies as male. He’s medium to smallish height at 5′8. His facial features are quite plain, with a slightly crooked nose and a squarer chin. His eyes are calf-brown and his hair, the most noticeable thing about him, is wavy/loosely curly down past his ears and a bright, dark, unnatural red colour (though it is quite natural for him.) He fell in love with a demon and fell from heaven for her, but it turned out that she was tricking him and left him soon after. His angel grace is out-of-control since he is now technically a demon, and randomly bursts out of him every few months, obliterating everything around him with black fire. Despite how volatile he is, he’s a very quiet person who keeps to himself. He has trust issues and is wary of people, and can be quite timid and easily embarrassed. He works on earth as a primary school teacher, since he loves kids and the demons in hell scorn him and he can’t return to heaven. His fashion sense is absolutely abyssal and he dresses like he’s a 90 year old (technically he’s older even than that but, come on, man, get with the times!) He is very, very depressed.
Ginger is a demon. She identifies as a girl and, unlike the others, who are all pansexual, she is mostly only attracted to girls. She is chubby and has carrot-orange hair (thus, the nickname-that-stuck-and-became-her-name-while-on-earth) and pale turquoise eyes. She doesn’t have a filter and loves very loudly, openly, and strongly. She has a big heart but that can be hard to see since she mostly only thinks of/about herself. She has a great need for speed and her version of heaven is being behind the wheel of a fast car. She has a hard time settling down and is constantly itching for her next adventure and/or challenge. She thinks of Ben as a big brother and constantly annoys him like a little sister; she’s the only demon who accepts him as one of them. For somebody who is so loud, she has a hard time really and truly expressing her feelings when she cares deeply about someone. If she has a crush, she is the stereotypical ‘teenager in love’, stuttering and blushing bright red. She swears a lot, is pretty brash, and - you guessed it - has a strong Australian accent.
Mars is a stink man, evil horrible person, most hated OC an angel. He identifies mostly as male with some exceptions. He has white skin, cherubic blond curls, bright golden eyes, a kind, handsome face, and a charming smile. He’s also an abusive piece of shit . He often dallies with the mortals, luring in lovers with charm and sweetness, and then abusing them in every way possible before eventually killing them. If somebody refuses him, he hunts them down, murders their loved ones in front of them, before raping them and murdering them, too. He’s very possessive and volatile and will throw very dangerous tantrums when denied what he wants. He’s spoiled rotten and has never had consequences for his actions. He wears a ring adorned with a crucifix. He’s got an excellent sense of fashion and is very rich. He’s owned a great number of mansions throughout the years and still does, though he currently lives in a very expensive penthouse.
Dante is a demon - a hellhound, to be exact. He identifies as male, and is the only of the seven to have been born a human before being inducted to hell. He’s not very tall but is bulky due to pure muscle, Vietnamese in appearance, with brown skin and a large scar across his collar bone and shoulder like he’d been savaged by a massive dog at some point (spoiler alert: that’s exactly what happened.) His black hair is cut short military-style. He’s second in command of the pack of hellhounds, under only June, who he sort of took under his wing after they left Mars, built them back up from the years of servitude  and abuse. He cares about them more than anyone… That being said, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t call them out if he thinks they’re making a dumb decision. They banter like siblings and he finds great delight in taking his life in his hands and messing up their hair. He’s fiercely loyal but strong willed and will only take orders that he thinks are good ones. A solider born and raised, from human life to demon existence. He loves adrenaline rushes and thinks all fun has to involve danger of some kind. He’s absolutely deadly in a fight, whether it be in his ‘normal’ form with its proficiency with all kinds of weaponry, or his hound form - a mountain of sheer muscle and terrifyingly large jaws. He shows affection in rough ways, such as headlocks and friendly punches, but make no mistake, he really cares. also his ears stick out a bit and he sleeps with his mouth open and hes actually kind of adorable
If you made it this far… thank you so much. Getting questions/messages about my babies honestly keeps me going, so… thank you!!!
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Balan is a biological marvel.
But like also a disaster?
His limbs are oober long but like his ankles look thiccc like damn. Hes probably wearing books but why so thick? Hes running and jumping and kicking ass hed need to wear tight boots that keep his ankles set correctly even if broken.
So he either has fat ankles or extreme snow boot thick boot lining on the ankle area incase of ankle fractures.
Now his arms. We can all agree he has no arms right? Just floating hands because theres no way your arms are connected to a puiny shoulder joint like no thatd fly off.
No to his hands.
Holy shit.
His hands are irresponsibly big dont play with me their HUGE, their so big that balan playfully slapping emma/leo leads to them nearly toppling over.
Now to foot size. He has reasonable foot size that evens out with his body unlike everyone else except maybe farmer Jose.
Side note are babies in this universe born with freakish hands and feet?
Anyway now balans head, it's big but that's reasonable to body proportions he has. But his forehead suffers from anime skull shape so hes go to beluga whale gene of a fat fivehead just like lance which is ignorable because lance has a massive engraving in his skin filling the space and hides his his cone of shame lest we see he has flat not scary teeth and laugh at his pitiful growls and whining.
Lastly, his cape is adorable but comically over sized on a normal human.
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closetofanxiety · 6 years ago
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NXT to the Main Roster: A Haphazard Examination, Part 2 (2016)
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More wrestlers went from NXT to the main roster(s) in 2016 than in any other year, so I want to examine it separately in my ongoing question to determine whether getting a coveted spot on Raw or Smackdown (or a less coveted spot on 205 Live) likely means stagnation and disappointment. Again, the grades here are for the way these wrestlers have been presented to the WWE audience, not for the wrestlers themselves. Except, I guess, for the F handed out to Big Cass.
Sami Zayn
Call-up date: January 24. The perfect underdog babyface at the top of the card in NXT (a role they’re currently trying to give Johnny Gargano), Zayn has had a respectable but mostly unspectacular run on the big shows. While they were never going to build main event storylines around him the way NXT did, after his initial feud with eternal lifemate Kevin Owens, he kind of drifted around the middle of the pack without a clear character or motivation. Hampered by injuries, his heel turn was initially masterfully handled: by saving Kevin Owens from Shane McMahon, Zayn was, in the immediate aftermath, allowed to seem conflicted, uncertain, and anxious about what he’d done. It looked like there was going to be real character development, and then, in a few months, he was challenging Bobby Lashley to obstacle course races. 
Grade: C
Eva Marie
Call-up date: March 28. WE DIDN’T DESERVE HER. She could have been a sensational, crowd-baiting heel, as she was LOATHED by the super nerds in the WWE audience, who hated that she couldn’t wrestle and was only getting pushed for her looks. I mean, the same was true of Lex Luger ZING. Anyway, it wasn’t too be, and we’re left to wonder what could have been.
Grade: F/Incomplete
Baron Corbin
Call-up date: April 3. Big Banter has grown into the role that is probably the top-dollar best he can hope for in the WWE: a sneering heel near the top of the midcard who can talk well and wrestle well. He’s a plug-and-play guy for babyfaces who are being kept on the stove while the main event picture sorts itself out, and he does great at it. I saw Baron Corbin wrestle Tommy Dreamer at an NXT show in Albany once and thought, “This guy suxxxx.” But he has proved me wrong! Good for Big Breakfast Constable Corbin.
Grade: B+
Enzo Amore
Call-up date: April 4. I’ll go on record as saying he was used well as the shitty heel champion in 205 Live. Everyone hated him, and that was his role. That was probably his ceiling: top hate figure on the ‘C’ show, but we’ll never know.
Grade: F/Incomplete
Big Cass
Call-up date: April 4. His attitude and behavior must have really been something for Vince McMahon, The Big Man Liker, to so quickly part with a big man who could talk and was at least more adept in the ring than, say, the Great Khali. After the split with Enzo, they didn’t really seem to know what they were doing with him, so I’m not entirely sure we missed out on a legendary career or anything.
Grade: F/Incomplete
Apollo Crews
Call-up date: April 4. This decision remains a head scratcher. Crews made his NXT TV debut on August 22, 2015, and in less than eight months, was debuting on Raw. Although he’s an incredibly talented wrestler, I don’t know that his NXT stint was quite the rocket to the top that would justify this. Since his debut, he’s been totally lost in the shuffle and without a discernible character. His most significant match to date was a losing bid for the Intercontinental championship against The Miz on an episode of Smackdown. The Titus Worldwide stuff has helped, but not much.
Grade: C-/D+
Aiden English
Call-up date: April 7. Rusev DAAAAYYYEH. If it weren’t for his alliance with Big Matchka, English would be staring down the barrel of a D+. Initially arrived on the main roster as a tag team with Simon Gotch, the two had an undistinguished run that included Smackdown tag title tournament losses to the Hype Bros and Breezango. Now that he’s the guy who stiffly raps before Rusev comes out, English is basking in his Mizdow Moment. When it ends, though, what will become of the Operatic Superstar?
Grade: C-
Simon Gotch
Call-up date: April 7. His gimmick had a lot of potential: the super old-timey wrestler in a postmodern, post-kayfabe world. It never really got off the ground, though, and while his team with Aiden English worked at Full Sail, Vince’s dim view of tag teams generally, plus the material they were given, meant it didn’t have much of a shot on the big stage. WWE let the trademark on his name expire, which tells you a lot.
Grade: F
Dana Brooke
Call-up date: May 9. After kind of a hot start that I’ve largely forgotten - she was heel Charlotte’s protege, remember? - she quickly settled into the rut of main roster women’s booking, which tends to consist of two women fighting over the title and then everyone else forming an amorphous backdrop, occasionally emerging for random six-person tags involving the main eventers. Dana did eliminate Kairi Sane at the first-ever Women’s Royal Rumble, so that’s something, I guess. Since November, she’s been one of the few people in the company with a manager role, as an Alexandra York figure in Titus Worldwide. 
Grade: C-
Mojo Rawley
Call-up date: July 24. Did you know Zack Ryder’s been in the WWE system since 2006? He’s incredible. He’s like one of those NBA guys who you see playing five minutes in a playoff game, years after you assumed they had retired. Anyway, Mojo Rawley. He’s done as well as he’s ever likely to do, destroying Ryder after a heel turn, feuding with No Way Jose, and no longer being hyped. His main roster run hasn’t been disappointing, largely because his NXT run was about the same thing, minus the heel turn.
Grade: C
Nia Jax
Call-up date: July 25. Rock’s cousin or no, she’s managed to remain above the midcard scrum in the women’s division by having a unique look, as the only credible monster in the locker room. She has the problem that all monsters have sooner or later, which is: what do they do after getting beaten? In her case, it was a clumsy face turn in a bullying-themed angle with Alexa Bliss that didn’t do much for either woman. Still, because of her size and ability, she’s always somewhere near the top of the card, something that’s unlikely to change.
Grade: B
Finn Bálor
Call-up date: July 25. To my mind, he’s one of the few wrestlers who’s been better served on the main roster than he was in NXT. He’s the longest-reigning NXT champion so far, but his tenure there seems largely forgettable apart from his Beast in the East match against Kevin Owens and the bloodbath against Samoa Joe at Takeover: Dallas. On the main roster, he’s regularly near the top of the card, with his painted demon character receiving the holy-shit treatment, as we saw at SummerSlam. He’s become one of their most recognizable stars and the company clearly loves him.
Grade: A
Alexa Bliss
Call-up date: July 26. One of the best examples I can think of that demonstrates how a turn can elevate a wrestler, she went from boring, sparkly cheerleader to the top woman in NXT by becoming a heel. Initially the manager of the lookalike midcard tag team of Make and Blurphy, it was clear from the start she was bound for greater things. She’s been the signal success story of the WWE System in developing stars, as opposed to repackaging stars from the indies, Japan, and Mexico: Bliss is, if not quite a mainstream star, one of the most recognizable women in the company, constantly on top of the women’s roster, and winning raves for her incredible microphone work. Nerds who complain she isn’t good at wrestling probably wouldn’t have understood Abdullah the Butcher either.
Grade: A+
Carmella
Call-up date: July 26. OH THE IRONY! When she managed Enzo and Big Cass in NXT, she was despised by the Full Sail nerds, who would chant “you can’t wrestle” at her. Two years later, and here we are: Real1 is making unlistenable hip hop tracks for his Instagram stories, Big Cazz is set to make his indie debut for Big Time Wrestling in Spartanburg, S.C., and Carmella is coming off a 131-day run as Smackdown Women’s Champion, having beaten Asuka in matches on pay-per-view and free TV. She’s not at Alexa’s level as a heel - not many people are - but she’s done a great job of establishing herself in a women’s roster that suffers from way too many bland characters and storylines.
Grade: B+/A-
Jason Jordan
Call-up date: August 2. Listen, Vince hates tag teams. American Alpha was a red-hot team in NXT, where they got over thanks to their phenomenal work inside the ring. But even there, they were kind of bland as individuals. On the main roster, where tag teams rarely last, this spelled trouble. Jordan has been hampered by injuries, but even without that he’s a man adrift, the highlight of his tenure so far being the kayfabe revelation that he’s Kurt Angle’s son, which has mostly been treated as an afterthought. 
Grade: D
Chad Gable
Call-up date: August 2. Second verse, same as the first. They tried to spark some of that American Alpha magic after disbanding American Alpha by pairing Gable with Shelton Benjamin, with predictable results. I don’t think Gable’s been on television since May, and he’s not injured. He apparently feuded with Mike Kanellis on Main Event back in June, to give you some idea. He taped a thing for WWE’s social media channels with amateur wrestling god Dan Gable, which I liked, so there’s that.
Grade: D
Bayley
Call-up date: August 22. I will admit here that I did not “get” her gimmick in NXT. It just always seemed vaguely unsettling, and now we know that it led to the Cult of Izzy. That aside, she had an undeniable connection with the audience, largely thanks to her palpable enthusiasm and tremendous in-ring skill. I never really bought the commonplace line that she could become the female John Cena, mostly because I think that underestimates how much of Cena’s appeal comes from the fact that half the audience hates him. But she’s a true-blue babyface in a company that doesn’t really know what to do with true-blue babyfaces, and so her main roster stint has been something of a disappointment. It’s weirdly fitting that she’s locked into this seemingly endless frenemies storyline with Sasha Banks, another woman who was adored in NXT and who hasn’t really found her footing on the main roster.
Grade: C
Rich Swann
Call-up date: September 19. He had his moments in 205 Live, but it was clear his off-kilter personality and presentation were not what they had in mind as the Face of the Division. They were trying to mold him into what they have with Mustafa Ali or Cedric Alexander, when they would have been better off trying to make Swann the Dean Ambrose of the cruiserweights. Instead, well, we know what happened instead.
Grade: F/Incomplete
Austin Aries
Call-up date: December 18. I have a theory that Vince McMahon thought Austin Aries was Bobby Roode, and that when they hired the real Bobby Roode, Vince immediately said, “Well, then who the fuck is this guy?” 
Grade: F
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aion-rsa · 6 years ago
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The Weirdest Thanos Moments in Marvel History
http://bit.ly/2L9P1VG
Fun isn't the word that springs to mind when Thanos wants to wipe out half of all life in Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame...
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Gavin Jasper
Marvel
Apr 27, 2019
Thanos
Avengers: Endgame
When it came time for the Marvel Cinematic Universe to build towards the top villain threat at the end of the first Avengers movie, Thanos seems like the only choice. Marvel had three potential villains big enough for that role and since Dr. Doom and Galactus are Fantastic Four characters and were off-limits at the time, that left Thanos by default. And hey, it has worked out great so far as Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame were both more successful than anyone could have even hoped.
The Mad Titan has a great reputation as the be-all/end-all final boss of the Marvel Universe. He’s succeeded at obtaining great power and even total omnipotence all for messed up reasons like wanting to bone the Grim Reaper and wanting to slaughter all of his bastard children. He shrugs off hits from the Hulk, Silver Surfer, and even Black Bolt’s vocal cords. Thanos is serious business.
Sometimes, though, Thanos has his off days. Those head-scratching times when you remember how weird comics can be. Here are some fun examples. You can watch the video or read the article!
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THE THANOSCOPTER
Spidey Super Stories is an artifact that will never stop being funny. A Spider-Man comic for young readers, it featured some of the most dumbed down dialogue and adventuring you’d ever see in a superhero story. This late-70s tale came at a time when Thanos had only been around for a few years. Like his mainstream counterparts, Thanos was indeed out to gain power from the Cosmic Cube.
Unlike his mainstream counterparts, he did it in part from a generic helicopter that had his name sprawled across it. Coming off as more of a Wet Bandit than the cosmic bringer of doom, Thanos chased after the Cat (who had yet to become Hellcat in Marvel lore, which is probably for the better here), who for whatever reason carried the Cosmic Cube.
read more: Where to Watch Every Marvel Movie
Somehow the Cube got in the hands of a skateboarding kid and Thanos snatched it from him. His defeat came when he attacked the Cat and Spider-Man with an earthquake, which made him drop the Cosmic Cube, leaving the skateboarder to get it and defeat Thanos with grass. Thanos was then arrested by the police.
The same issue had people losing their minds over Impossible Man being an alien, but Thanos? Some purple dork getting booked after fumbling omnipotence.
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GAMORA’S CHRISTMAS
So we know the whole deal with Thanos and Gamora. She’s his adopted daughter and super-assassin who ultimately betrayed him. Jim Starlin and Ron Lim, the very creative team behind Infinity Gauntlet, did a short story for Marvel Holiday Special 1992. Their tale of Thanos was a good one, going into his attempt to give Gamora a pleasant upbringing to go with her assassin training. For some crazy reason, Thanos decided to celebrate Christmas with her.
read more - Complete Guide to Marvel and MCU Easter Eggs in Avengers: Endgame
Again, there’s some genuine heart in the tale of Gamora sacrificing her doll to save Thanos from a would-be assassin, but the whole “tossing in an Earth holiday” to make the story on-brand for the one-shot is just so strange.
Oh, and then they went and watched dolphins for a while. If it’s good for Lobo, I guess it’s good for Thanos.
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DARKSEID ON THE PAYROLL
Secret Defenders was your usual superhero team-up book where the team-ups changed up by the story. One of the stories was actually a villain team-up where Thanos was the benefactor. His team ended up being made of Rhino, Titanium Man, Nitro, Super-Skrull, and Geatar and they went and fought alien robot monks or whatever.
Whenever you get a story like this with a bunch of random characters being selected to do a mission, one of the clichés you're likely to see is either a scattered pile of dossier pictures or a bunch of faces on monitors. Thanos went with the latter and had plenty of villains he was considering but didn’t choose. Guys like Juggernaut, Venom, Ultron, Annihilus...and Darkseid.
read more: Marvel Movies Watch Order - An MCU Timeline Guide
Yeah, for some reason he had Darkseid on one of his monitors, like he was a coin flip away from asking the ultimate evil of the DC Universe to run errands for him. Sure, Marvel and DC were on friendlier terms back then and all, but this was even before Marvel vs. DC where the two fought it out and later merged into becoming Thanoseid. Thanos simply had Darkseid on speed dial.
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THE THANOSI
Sometimes when a certain writer is so in love with a certain character, they go a little wacky trying to explain their off days. For instance, John Byrne wasn’t happy that X-Men villain Arcade once lit a match on Dr. Doom, so he went out of his way to explain that it was a Doombot and not the real deal. Since Jim Starlin is Thanos’ creator and can’t go five hours without writing a story about how awesome he is, he’s just as guilty.
In the miniseries Infinity Abyss, it was revealed that there was an army of Thanos hybrid clones out there being jerks and trying to end the universe. They all came off as Thanos trying to cosplay as other Marvel heroes like Iron Man, Gladiator, and Dr. Strange. There was even a failed Thanos Wolverine clone mixed in there, who got to make the cover of one issue.
Read More: The Marvel Cinematic Universe's Story So Far
It was revealed that Thanos had been cloning himself for years because the real Thanos is no punk and if he ever seemed like a punk, it was because the real Thanos wasn’t there. Like the time Ka-Zar got the best of him. Or that time Thor beat him into purple paste. No way, Jose. Thanos has the alibi of being too cool for that shit!
The storyline came to a climax when Thanos and a handful of heroes had to fight the especially ridiculous Thanos-Galactus. Yeah, Galactus has DNA, apparently.
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SQUIRREL GIRL BEATS UP THANOS! ...MAYBE!
Squirrel Girl made her debut taking out Dr. Doom by overwhelming him with an army of squirrels. That eventually led to a trend of Squirrel Girl being this paradox of a character in the Marvel Universe. She was Koko B. Ware, only she was somehow pinning Andre the Giant. Once she started a resurgence as a member of the Great Lakes Avengers/Great Lakes X-Men, she returned to inexplicably taking out villains well above her pay grade.
read more: Every Version of the Infinity Gauntlet Story
In the pages of the GLX-Mas Special, after making short work of MODOK, Squirrel Girl was confronted with Thanos as a mid-issue cliffhanger. Many pages later, we got to see Squirrel Girl standing victorious over the Mad Titan while Uatu the Watcher looked on to verify that yes, indeed, this was the real deal Thanos and not some kind of lame copy or whatever.
Then Dan Slott, the guy who wrote that very scene, retconned it shortly after in the pages of She-Hulk where he outright claimed it to be a clone that would fool even the likes of cosmic beings. Why? Regardless, in Squirrel Girl’s solo series years later, she and Galactus shared a laugh over the fact that she totally handed the real, actual Thanos his ass, no backsies.
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CUBE TO THE BALLS
Back in Annihilation, Thanos had the most metal death ever when Drax impaled him with his fist from behind and showed Thanos his own heart. It fucking rocked. Then in the original ongoing for the modern-day Guardians of the Galaxy, the series ended with Thanos’ resurrection. He was mindless and overly strong, much like the Hulk, except he was also totally naked because not wearing pants is how resurrection works most of the time.
read more - Avengers: Endgame Ending Explained
When Star-Lord decided to wrap things up, he did it by getting his attention with a cracked, yet shiny, Cosmic Cube. Thanos slowly advanced with a flicker of recognition in his eyes. Star-Lord let loose with a blast capable of knocking out Thanos and that’s all well and good, but...
Um, okay, so you know how mainstream comics can’t show naughty bits and always have to find ways to obscure nudity? Well, I don’t know how intentional it is, but Star-Lord took out Thanos with a Cosmic Cube blast to the dick.
Not cool, Quill. He needs that for...hm. Actually, I don’t think Death has genitals either. Never mind!
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EARTH’S MIGHTIEST HERO
In the pages of Avengers World, mutant heroes Cannonball and Sunspot were sent on a mission to go into the future and meet up with the offspring Avengers from that crappy animated film that nobody remembers anymore because Marvel decided to start making good movies afterwards. It’s been about 20-25 years since Cannonball and Sunspot’s time and the world had become a very different place. As they traveled through Danvers City, it became apparent that Earth had become a more popular spot for aliens to hang out.
read more - Avengers: Endgame - Who is Ronin?
The two took a stop at a bar and tried to fit in by discussing how tough they were. They namedropped Thanos as one of their big enemies and that in turn started a bar fight. Somehow, Thanos had gone on to become the greatest Avenger to ever live. Apparently you can come back from wiping out half of the universe.
As Cannonball put it, “That is a face-turn I did not see coming.”
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SANTA THANOS
Man, what is it with Thanos and Christmas?!
Marvel’s YouTube series What The--?! featured a holiday episode back in 2014 where Thanos had a master plan to steal all the Terrigen Crystals from the Inhumans. Unfortunately, their security was a bit too scary so he had a backup plan: become Santa Claus. After all, breaking into houses is one of Santa’s superpowers!
read more - The MCU Characters Who Aren't in Avengers: Endgame
Thanos beat up Santa and stole his costume. He then got stuck having to listen to superheroes tell him what they wanted for Christmas before he had a chance to sneak off. Having to put up with Spider-Man, Hawkeye, Thor, and Captain America was bad enough, but then Hulk showed up and the whole plan went to Hell while Thanos' skull went into the floor.
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PATTON OSWALT’S STAR WARS EPISODE VII
This one isn’t an official Marvel thing, but it’s mainstream enough for me to include.
The TV show Parks and Recreations had a long running gag about how backwards and prejudiced the town’s original traditions were. Main character Leslie Knope wanted to make some changes and citizen Garth Blundin (Patton Oswalt) was completely against it. In a funny scene, he did a very nerdy filibuster about how he wanted Star Wars Episode VII to work out.
read more - What is the Sound in the Avengers: Endgame Credits?
Luckily, an eight-minute version hit YouTube shortly after its airing and it was a doozy. While Garth’s ideas for Star Wars itself were a little creative, like Leia leaving Han for Lando and Chewbacca being turned into a cyborg spider, it went into overdrive when he namedropped Thanos. Due to the Infinity Stones, Thanos would not only turn the movie into Star Wars vs. Avengers, but he’d also bring the X-Men in. He had control over time and space and could do that.
One great touch was that when he first mentioned Thanos, someone yelled, “Oh, come on!” That voice could have possibly belonged to Chris Pratt, who was only months away from filming Guardians of the Galaxy.
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THE LOSS TO ARSENAL
Thanos has appeared on multiple animated series. He antagonized the Silver Surfer while lusting for “Lady Chaos.” He opposed the Guardians of the Galaxy while donning the Carnage symbiote. In Super Hero Squad, he even got full control of the Infinity Gauntlet, only to lose to another overpowered maguffin.
And you know what? At least there was honor in that loss. Getting beat by the Infinity Sword is way better than what happened on the Avengers Assemble cartoon. For half a season, Thanos gathered the six Infinity Stones and when he completed the collection, he made short work of the Avengers.
read more: What's Next for the MCU in Marvel Phase 4?
Then Iron Man revealed his rebuilt robot bodyguard Arsenal. Arsenal’s main ability was absorbing energy, so when Thanos blasted lasers at him, the robot took it head-on and advanced. Thanos had power over time, space, reality, and so on. There were so many ways to destroy that robot, including wishing it to not exist anymore.
So what did Thanos do in this situation? He shot MORE lasers! And it ended with him getting the Gauntlet pulled off. Thanos got beat up and then Arsenal transformed into Ultron and why did they cancel Earth’s Mightiest Heroes for this again?
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THE SATSUI NO HADO GAUNTLET
The story for Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite is bananas. In it, Marvel and Capcom each have their own universe, which means that Final Fight, Street Fighter, Strider, Monster Hunter, Mega Man X, Ghosts ‘n’ Goblins, and Resident Evil all happened in the same era. Looking into that further means that Dr. Wily is a long-dead historical figure who presumably died before Zangief was born.
Anyway, the worlds got merged together by a hybrid of Ultron and Sigma, all because Death wanted to sneak off and get it on with Jedah from Darkstalkers. Long story. Throughout the game, Thanos was treated as a wild card forced onto the side of good. With the story revolving around the Infinity Stones, he was obviously going to make a go for them. That’s his thing.
read more - Who is in that Important Avengers: Endgame Spoiler Scene?
Instead, Thanos became aware of Death’s activities and chose to focus on the violent darkness living inside Ryu. Thanos created a new gauntlet that absorbed all of Ryu’s killing intent, and then walked off to do his own thing.
After the credits, Thanos returned to threaten Death, as Ryu’s Satsui No Hado powers were capable of hurting her. To prove it, the game ended with Thanos performing a Hadoken.
Hopefully they’re saving that move for Avengers 4.
Gavin Jasper wonders why Thanos never used the Infinity Gauntlet to give himself hair. Follow Gavin on Twitter!
from Books http://bit.ly/2UJpzG7
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rebelliousrejects · 7 years ago
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Mormon Girls Camp-Shayla
So I’ve been in this relationship with this guy named Jose from the Spanish ward in my stake aka Silver Spring Stake MD, well since July 13. People in that ward kinda disapproved of me being his gf some people there actually liked me. Well since I was the only white girl who would actually go talk to them and try to be their friend unlike other people in my stake who were mostly white. This stake is in two counties Prince Georges County which other counties in Maryland except Baltimore like to say it’s ghetto and trashy; and the other county is Montgomery which is nicer apparently and full of the white Mormons. My stake is mostly from Montgomery, so we have more white people in our stake then other races. But remind you again Me (Shayla) and this band are from PG where there’s barely any white people there which is quite nice to me, I like the POC here anyways. They’ve always accepted me. When I met the Spanish ward kids I felt more accepted in the church because they were like how I’m used to at home and before in the  church, I never felt accepted at all.
Well here comes girls camp....
First Day:
The girls ask me at the stake center while we were waiting for the bus if me and Jose were really going out. I said yes and some showed awws and some showed me disgusted looks. Then I try to ignore it and we change the subject, then I keep getting this vibe that I’m not being accepted by some of them which gets me feeling in a deep depression and makes me have a lot of anxiety on what I’m doing wrong. The girl who gives this vibe off to me the most is named “Ally” or “Alejandra”. Me and her were always friends but ever since this year I’ve felt like she hates me. On the bus no one sits with me so I’m glad with that because I have an anxiety attack. But I hide myself in my pillow so I don’t get called an “Attention Seeker”. Some of the Spanish girls asked if I was ok and I lied and said “Yes I’m ok” while hiding myself in my pillow. I then pull out my blade but quickly hide it from everyone else as we go in the Taco Bell to use the bathroom. When it became my turn to use the bathroom, I locked the door and basically self harmed my feelings away. I put the blade away and but I accidentally left some of my blood in there;but no one noticed it. I end up hiding my face until camp. At camp, I was already done dealing with people. So around night time I’m wearing my night gown “I’ll start working when my coffee does”... All of my friends at camp were POC....Yea btw Sophie isn’t my friend tbh...So my friends were saying I looked nice while everyone else just gave me death stares for wearing it. I actually got into a argument with a Molly that night about it...really pissed me off so i was like Fuck you to her.... So it’s night time, I’m in my tent with Alejandra,America,and Yenny. They are all in the same ward as my bf. So they were talking about my bf little did I know that my bf used to have a major crush on America to the point he texted America’s mother saying that he was deeply in love with her. But apparently her dad always is outside the sunday school room so he doesn’t talk to her. Hearing that made me so insecure so I texted him asking him about it, he seem confused so I ended that convo...
2nd Day:
It was the service project/Hike. I was with my friend Elena and Mimi who were 3rd years and btw I was a 4th Year. We basically had to walk and pick up trash but the head of camp was supposed to be my step mother but this lady Sister Willis threw a pity party to not get released so they were supposed to be sharing it. But it turned out that Sister Willis like over stepped my step mother. Btw she is Sophie’s mother. She always hated me but she also didn’t like the spanish girls. This was the first day my anger started to build up. We had to make our own dinner this day, so I didn’t eat any of it because well I didn’t like it. Also in the morning I drank coffee i brought and I shared some with Elena. Also during the day my step mother heard that Sophie (the other white girl in my year aka very molly) was saying to her older sister Lucy who was our WCL that we weren’t up to her level and that she was sick of us. So her mom of course let her sleep in with the WCLs Madelyn and Icky (The only POC WCL at camp). Lucy was like me a bit with the mental issues. Lucy was also trashed by her mom behind her back to her sisters at camp. But Lucy slept outside in a canopy.  I went and told the girls what Sophie said and we were all mad about it. At that point it was like we all hated Sophie and Madelyn. The reason Madelyn was because she was a bitchy WCL and did was Sophie did and treated us less than her. Icky hated them too. Icky and me met like when I was a 2nd year. She was fun we ended up swindling a leader out of 20$.
3rd Day comes:
Me and Elena we are just getting really tired of people at this point. Like from the drama from the girls or from the leaders. In the early of the day we both had anxiety attacks but she coughs up blood. But I ended up self harming. The nurse who is Dominican helps us both and we talk with her. Me and her both walk to the dock to talk, We discuss my issues. When I get back to camp I get yelled at by my leader to where i was and I was like I was with the nurse. At this point I get really upset and pissed cause they’re like cherry picking me. So me and Elena were able to skip the talk at night and stuff and we ended up being bad and fucking things up. Also we learned that day that Ally doesn’t like anyone at all that she just likes to trash people ever since her parents got a divorce.
4th day comes:
So it’s around dinner time and it starts pouring and thundering after we went to the pool. Remind you this at the pool I’ve cussed so much that day in front of Sister Willis cause i didn’t care anymore. I went with Elena to her tent to help her move her and everyone else’s stuff away from the walls in the tents. While I was doing that a leader yells “Is Shayla in there?” I go “Yes but I’m helping Elena with her stuff” then they go rudely which pisses me off “ WELL WE DON’T CARE ABOUT ELENA, YOU NEED TO BE AT STAKE” Right at that moment they fucked up and i yelled back “WELL IF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ELENA THEN I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE DOWN THERE. YOU ALL CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES. I DON’T CARE ANYMORE FUCK YOU ALL!” After that Elena and me go to the bathroom to stay there. My step mother is in there but she turns out to be in there with Sister Willis’s oldest daughter back from her mission. And I’m just telling my step mother why I’m so pissed and she tells Elena to stay with me in the bathroom to cool down. But the major problem was that leaders kept coming in the bathroom along with the WCLs that I hated telling me i have to be at stake. They like came right at the moment when i was about to be calmed down. The 7th leader that came in the bathroom with her older daughter to tell me that I need to be at stake I just flipped out on them saying “LOOK YOU GUYS NEED TO LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE! CAUSE IF YOU GUYS KEEP COMING IN HERE TELLING ME THAT I GOTTA BE AT STAKE IMA END UP CUSSING EVERYONE ELSE OUT! IM ALREADY ON THE EDGE OF SNAPPING!” The leaders left mortified and in shock. Elena was there with me trying to calm me down. Strangers from the camps near us also helped me calm down and i told them what happened.
last day comes:
Still pouring and I was done with everyone’s shit. The girls took my phone and the next day try to tell my bf i tried to expose him. He believed me but he couldn’t take the drama so he dumped me. But he told me he still loves me. The end and this was my worst year at camp.... -_-
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racingtoaredlight · 7 years ago
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The degenerate’s guide to 2017 college football TV watch ‘em ups: week 12
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I’ll be goddamn motherfuckered. It’s already week 12 as shit. I’m writing this asshole post early as fuck because I’ll be the hell out of town starting on Friday. So these lines might be a little fucked up.
That doesn’t mean you need to go around whining like a little dickhole, though. Just adjust the ideas for the current environment as it stands, you cucking cocks.
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Hope to god we get an image like that today. What a beaut. You know how this works by now: the schedules are stolen and the lines are, too. Look them up to see for yourself if you doubt me. The times are Eastern even though I haven’t spent any time in that accursed time zone in something like 5 years. West Coast for life! For now.
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Saturday, Nov. 18, 2017
Matchup                                                         Time (ET)                   TV
Cincinnati at East Carolina                           Noon                   CBSSN
There’s no particularly compelling reason to watch this game. ECU is more horrible than Cincinnati.
Delaware State at Florida State                   Noon                       RSN
FSU needed to beat Clemson to salvage anything of real value from 2017. Spoiler alert! They did not.
Virginia at (3) Miami, FL                                Noon                       ABC
Miami is a pretty prime letdown candidate for this week after an unbelievable outpouring of hype after they dismantled Notre Dame last week. 19.5 points is a lot even if UVA did get shellacked by Louisville last week. The revenge factor for Miami is that they got destroyed by UVA in the last game at the Orange Bowl. Really, that’s what got mentioned. That was a long time ago.
Mercer at (1) Alabama                                   Noon                    SECN
I think Mercer pulls it off, at least beats the... infinity points spread. The stars are not falling on Tuscaloosa no matter how close it was against Miss State.
Rutgers at Indiana                                          Noon                     BTN
I find the ongoing incompetence of these two programs sort of comforting.
SMU at (21) Memphis                                     Noon                  ESPNews
By AAA standards SMU has had a brutal run the last couple of weeks. If I were in Memphis this weekend I might feel compelled to check on this game in person.
(12) TCU at Texas Tech                                   Noon                    FS1
I don’t care what Oklahoma did to Ohio State I still think Big XII football sucks.
Texas at West Virginia                                    Noon                   ESPN
Except for this game. This is good.
(15) UCF at Temple                                          Noon                  ESPNU
I feel in my gut that -14 is too much for UCF. Temple is likely to lose by 2 scores but that still seems high. Like maybe 11 is more appropriate.
(24) Michigan at (5) Wisconsin                       Noon                     FOX
If Michigan wins this it will make the Playoff rankings debate even stupider next Tuesday night. The line opened at 10 and has moved steadily towards Michigan which makes me feel certain that Michigan is about to get gobsmacked.
Minnesota at (23) Northwestern                     Noon                     BTN
Northwestern is #23? What a shit year this has been overall.
(16) Mississippi State at Arkansas                   Noon                   CBS
It’s funny that Alabama gets knocked for scheduling Mercer this week but it’s not like Arkansas is all that much better than Mercer.
Pittsburgh at Virginia Tech                                12:20 pm          ACCN
Virginia Tech lost in a very stupid way to Georgia Tech last week so they’re either going to murder Pitt or lose to them. There’s no in-between.
The Citadel at (2) Clemson                                 12:20 pm           ACCN
Losing to Citadel would only be a little bit worse than losing to Syracuse.
Fresno State at Wyoming                                    2:00 pm          ATTSNRM
The Josh Allen redemption was well under way until he hurt his shoulder last week. Wyoming is calling him playing this week a game-time decision which, if Allen is smart and his coaches give any type of shit about him, means he won’t play. There’s no real news on what type of injury he has other than it’s in his throwing shoulder which makes me feel like he’s going on ice for the year and will pop up as a grad transfer next season at a much better program.
Rice at Old Dominion                                            2:00 pm          ESPN3
Rice has 105 years of history in football, plays in the middle of a recruiting hot bed, and has about as much accrued success as Old Dominion, a program that just started playing in 2009. So what I’m saying is this looks great.
Iowa State at Baylor                                               2:30 pm            FSN
Rankings talk and schedule strength discussions can be boiled down thusly: last week beating Iowa State was considered a pretty good accomplishment because they were ranked in the top 25. This week squeaking past Iowa State is bad because they’re a 4-loss team.
Arizona State at Oregon State                              3:00 pm         Pac-12N
If Kalen Ballage is still considered a pro prospect he should probably do something memorable against Oregon State. I’m not sure he is. I don’t know why he ever was.
Charlotte at Southern Miss                                   3:00 pm         CUSA.TV
Southern Miss is bowl eligible and playing at home against a 1-9 team that shouldn’t exist. 17 points seems kind of low to me.
Hawaii at Utah State                                      3:00 pm    Spectrum PPV/MWN
I feel like Hawaii should only ever play home games.
Louisiana Tech at UTEP                                          3:00 pm            CUSA.TV
UTEP is rolling towards a historic in some fashion 0-12 season. Louisiana Tech is decent though not as good as they were last year with two NFL starting caliber WRs. This game makes me sad for some reason.
South Alabama at Georgia Southern                    3:00 pm            ESPN3
Georgia Southern is also heading for 0-12 but this game doesn’t make me so sad. I thought USA was turning their season around 4 weeks ago but now I see they just aren’t very good.
Texas State at Arkansas State           ��                    3:00 pm           ESPN3
The Good Old Statesexarkana Rivalry Shootout is one of the great unheralded rivalries in the country! Most people within and without these two programs are completely unaware of it. The Red Wolves are a prohibitive favorite over the Bobcats but you can forget the records when these two square off! Call it a hunch but I say Texas State gets blown out, based mainly on the fact that Arkansas State is favored by 26.
UMass at BYU                                                           3:00 pm    BYUtv/ESPN3
A horrible year for BYU football is slowly crawling to a close but they did have one genius-level idea for this year. Playing your 13th game in Hawaii makes it feel like you went to a bowl game even if you finish with 10 losses. UMass has a tight end who could get drafted in the first three rounds in 2018. That is all.
Western Carolina at North Carolina                       3:00 pm      ACCNExtra
This one is off the books because Western Carolina is a 1-AA school but have oddsmakers really looked at UNC football this year? This is prime territory for Larry Fedora to get fired with a loss. That seems sort of unthinkable but this season has been very bad for the Tar Heels.
Georgia Tech at Duke                                               3:30 pm          RSN
I want the Wreck to end up 8-4 and a quality win for Miami and this part of that equation seems doable. I also want David Cutcliffe to go to Tennessee and suck there, which also seems doable. The only thing that remains highly unlikely is that Georgia Tech beats Georgia.
Illinois at (9) Ohio State                                            3:30 pm         ABC
You know who is actually also just as bad as Mercer? It’s Illinois. I hope no Heisman voter sees big numbers for JT Barrett here and thinks “Hey, that guy’s pretty good!” but I’m almost certain that’s going to happen.
Kansas State at (13) Oklahoma State                      3:30 pm       ESPN2
Fuckin’ Big XII, man. I hate this shit. I think I hate it more than the MAC now.
Kentucky at (7) Georgia                                            3:30 pm         CBS
Georgia is still an immensely talented team. They got blown out by Auburn because Auburn is also immensely talented AND has scheme variance. Kentucky has scheme variance but is not in the same class as Georgia in talent. So I say to you, friends and others, that Georgia will more than likely cover the 22-point spread.
Navy at (8) Notre Dame                                              3:30 pm         NBC
On the one hand Notre Dame should come back hard and blow the fuck out of Navy but on the other hand Brian Kelly might have done his normal meltdown bullshit and turned a bunch of talented football players off from the sport entirely after getting beaten badly by Miami. I assume you’ll all join me in hoping for whatever is worst for Brian Kelly.
(4) Oklahoma at Kansas                                              3:30 pm        ESPN
Shouts out to a very special Penn State fan but Baker Mayfield is going to win the Heisman unless something goes monumentally wrong in the next two weeks. He’s also starting to draw Drew Brees comparisons in draft twitter circles, which is very nice and might go on the mantle above any trophies he wins.
Purdue at Iowa                                                             3:30 pm          BTN
Iowa is a damn roller coaster. Good to bad to bad to good and now here they are at home with only a 7-point line on Purdue. That seems low.
San Jose State at Colorado State                              3:30 pm       CBSSN
SJSU really went all in on sucking this year. Don’t they have some Silicon Valley billionaire alum or something that can just start paying for shit as a hobby to make them good? CSU is a 33-point favorite in a conference game in November. That’s fucking hilarious to me.
Syracuse at Louisville                                                 3:30 pm         ESPNU
Syracuse beat Clemson, lost by one score to Miami, and should finish with 8 losses. And this is the best season they’ve had in over a decade. I hope Lamar Jackson puts up 600 yards of offense and 8 TDs against them. Fuck Syracuse.
Houston at Tulane                                                        4:00 pm       ESPNews
Ed Oliver is the best player in the country but he won’t get any consideration at all to be on the Heisman telecast. Maybe next year when the draft hype gets deafening?
Maryland at (17) Michigan State                                 4:00 pm         FOX
I don’t mean to be all Bill Simmonsy about things but are we really sure Michigan State is at all good? Beating Maryland by 40 in no way validates a #17 ranking. They got lucky to beat a kind of middling Michigan team and really lucked out to beat a very stupid Penn State team but looked outclassed in every possible way by Notre Dame and Ohio State. Better than last year, at least.
Nebraska at (10) Penn State                                        4:00 pm         FS1
I’ve hated both of these teams for a long time but I have always hated Penn State more. Is Nebraska good enough to stay within 26 points of Penn State right now? No, they are not. Is Penn State dumb enough to let it be close? It’s possible.
UAB at Florida                                                                4:00 pm     SECN
Randy Shannon will get a win as Florida coach probably! Over a bowl team, no less. Very fancy.
Wofford at South Carolina                                            4:00 pm     SECN Alt.
What is this shit bodybag game for Sakerlina? SEC means never having to pretend you give a shit and just getting a ton of credit for valiant losses.
Coastal Carolina at Idaho                                              5:00 pm    ESPN3/ISP
If Idaho can win out they’ll be bowl eligible but if they lose even once (and maybe if they win out) they’ll sink back into the ooze of 1-AA with no bowl game in their final season with the big kids.
New Mexico State at UL Lafayette                                5:00 pm       ESPN3
SB Nation puts out a watch grid every week and the headline for the email called this week good. I’m starting to wonder about those people.
Army at North Texas                                                    6:30 pm   beIN SPORTS
7-3 UNT takes on 8-2 Army in your game of the week!
Arizona at Oregon                                                        7:00 pm      Pac-12N
Oregon might get their QB back this week which could make for a nice Pac-12 early game. Khalil Tate’s legend is grown in box scores as no doubt most of the country has never actually seen him play but he’s the West Coast name du jour.
Boston College vs. UConn (Fenway Park)                  7:00 pm       CBSSN
FAAAAAAAAAAAACCKKKKK!!!!!
FIU at Florida Atlantic                                                   7:00 pm         Stadium
Lane vs Butch! I am strongly on the Butch Davis side of this divide even if Howard Schnellenberger himself willed the stadium that this game is being played in into existence.
(20) LSU at Tennessee                                                  7:00 pm         ESPN
All you smarmy little Big  Ten fucks won’t believe it because he’s still so horrible but Brady Hoke is actually a better coach than Butch Jones so having him on the sidelines is actually an upgrade to the point where Tennessee beating LSU doesn’t seem crazy to me. In large part due to LSU having all of their known demons.
Marshall at UTSA                                                       7:00 pm   KMYS/Stadium This game shows as a pick ‘em for me and I’d side with Marshall in that case. If you want advice!
Texas A&M at University of Mississippi                 7:00 pm        ESPN2
I still laugh at aTm having a bunch of fans and boosters that actually believe they should be better as a program than where Kevin Sumlin has them. In the long run Johnny Manziel was the worst thing that ever happened to Texas A&M. Hallelujah.
Missouri at Vanderbilt                                               7:30 pm         SECN
Everything about this game, from the talent on the field to the coaches to the histories of the schools and the programs to the shared uniform colors, is so bleak. Imagine getting pumped about this.
(19) NC State at Wake Forest                                    7:30 pm        ESPNU
Bradley Chubb might be the best draft eligible player in the country. Wake Forest is not at their lowest ebb ever. Hopefully Chubb makes this watch ‘em up pay off for the dozens of stupid viewers that choose to see this.
California at (22) Stanford                                          8:00 pm        FOX
Here it is, Bryce Love’s last chance at Heisman glory! I assume he’s gone after this season even if his draft evaluation sucks. What would he come back for, the chance to get so hurt that he never plays in the NFL? The Antifa Bears give up a ton of rushing yardage to anybody that’s so inclined so Love has a shot at 400 yards if David Shaw lets him do what we’re all half paying attention for.
UCLA at (11) USC                                                          8:00 pm       ABC
This is a legit rivalry but not so legit that they always play each other close. That 16-point line favoring the Trojans looks pretty right to my stupid eyes. UCLA has a bunch of talented players and a staff full of morons. Actually, USC kind of has the same thing but the USC coaches aren’t trying to audition for other better jobs they’re actually focused on college football. It makes a big difference.
Air Force at (25) Boise State                                      10:15 pm       ESPN2
Look at Boise escaping death last week to get a little number next to their name again! Go ahead, Broncos! I love the blue turf and I kind of enjoy the rough and tumble but not exactly good way that Air Force plays so if I have the opportunity I will actually tune in for this one.
Nevada at San Diego State                                         10:30 pm     CBSSN
Rashaad Penny can’t get any real Heisman love but he could get some All-American votes. Nevada is a Trash Pack this year but I’m familiar enough with MWC football to know better than to have expectations for a particular game going one way or the other. SDSU should cover 16 easily but I would be zero percent surprised if they lost, also. That’s the way things go here.
Utah at (18) Washington                                              10:30 pm        ESPN UDub basically gave up on the season last week. All it seems to have taken is a couple of inopportune turnovers and a good running game from Bryce Love. Utah blew a golden opportunity against Washington State and now this is just a disappointment bowl. 
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artificialqueens · 6 years ago
Text
living ultralife (Branjie) - Holzmanns
A/N: This fic uses male pronouns for Brooke and female pronouns for Vanessa for ease of reading more than anything else, though it is still a M/M fic. Thank you all so, so much for feedback on my last fic, I appreciate it more than you know.
6:03 pm | Jose: Get your ass over here!!
6:04 pm | Brock: Miss me already? It’s only been two weeks.
6:05 pm | Jose: Shut up, you miss me too. And it’s two weeks too long lol
6:05 pm | Brock: You’re not wrong about that.
6:06 pm | Jose: Which one??
6:07 pm | Brock: Both. Wednesday can’t come fast enough.
Brooke smiles at his phone, before placing it down gently on the table. He grabs his lash glue to put the final touches on his makeup. He’s ready almost an hour before his call time for the Saturday night gig, discipline from years of ballet touring rendering him unable to leave preparations to the last minute.
The local queens bustle around him in the communal dressing room in various states of undress, tugging on pairs upon pairs of tights and bantering over his head with one another. They’re all friendly enough to him - they are in every bar - but he knows that most of them are regarding him with a wary eye. He can’t blame them; he used to be one of them too – watching the RuGirls swoop in for gigs and electrify the crowd while wondering how on earth they made the cut for the show, what they had that he hadn’t.
He’s reached the goal that he’s been striving for for the past four years after auditioning over and over again, finally hearing “Congratulations, you’re on season 11” over a crackly phone call from a producer who probably knew exactly how much he just changed his life. Brooke is now one of the so-called lucky ones who fly around the country for gigs in every city and town, living out of a suitcase and catching up on sleep in airport departure lounges. Brooke’s grateful: aware of his luck and the novelty of people knowing his name before he even has to introduce himself. How his career opportunities have skyrocketed.
The nomadic lifestyle, however, leaves things to be desired. He misses his cats. They’re safe; he’s lucky to have friends in Nashville with no hesitation about taking them in while he’s away, but he misses their purring when he’d wake up in the mornings and the way they’d always try to grab a bite of his food.
Brooke also misses Vanessa.
It had been nice, after filming was over. They had felt like they had all the time in the world, with no cameras being shoved in their faces and no wayward producers dragging them over to film confessionals about the other. The months had been filled with visits upon visits to LA, Vanessa coming to Nashville (he showed her all of his favourite things in the city and introduced her to all of his favourite people and she truly, truly became a part of him), and a trip to Toronto where he showed her a past that not many others had been privy to.
The cast announcement had changed things. His Instagram followers shot up at the speed of light, his manager suddenly juggling requests for interviews and bookings across the country. It’s why they decided to take a break, knowing that they wouldn’t be able to keep their relationship the way it had been over the past, blissful six months after filming.
Vanessa is used to the grind from the previous season, after all, but it’s new for Brooke. It would only be wise to focus on their careers when the window of opportunity was the biggest as their season aired. Or at least, that’s what they had told themselves a few months prior. It didn’t last.
They had both pined for longer than either of them wanted to admit, avoiding talking about their feelings and how much they missed each other. And then he had gotten a drunken FaceTime call from Vanessa, punctuated with I’m sorry and can we please try again p l e a s e (the only parts he still remembers from the conversation, his heart had been beating too loud to hear the rest) and everything had changed.
It has been okay so far, pretty much how Brooke had expected it to be. He misses her just the same as he did when they took a break, still feels her absence and a tug in his chest every time he thinks about her, but now he can talk to her again. They’re not absurdly avoiding each other in the way that they had started to when neither of them wanted to say how they felt about the situation.
His phone dings with another message from Vanessa, a mirror selfie before she begins to paint for her own gig later in the evening. Brooke can’t help the smile on his face as he sends her a string of emojis in reply (something he never used to use in his texts before her).
Vanessa is one time zone and two flights away from Brooke, in LA for a week while he’s in Edmonton. Or is it Calgary? The cities are already beginning to blend together for him, despite touring only for a few months.                                           
He hosted the viewing party at Roscoe’s stone cold sober a few days prior so that he could hold things back and be intentionally vague – unlike drunk him, who spilled too much information at all the wrong times. He told the crowd that he wasn’t going to see her for a few weeks, which isn’t quite a lie. He really is going to see her in three weeks – except, he’s also going to see her way before that, too.
Brooke has a flight booked for Nashville the next day, to decompress for a few days at home and to switch out both boy and drag outfits before travelling again. His plan after that is to fly to LA on Wednesday for a gig, and more importantly to see her. He’s been counting down the days (now four to go) until LA for the last week and wonders why on earth he’s planned on stopping in Nashville in the first place.
The idea comes to him as he’s gluing down his lace. Why does he have to stop in Nashville?
He texts Courtney, his part-time assistant and full-time friend, to ask if there was maybe, possibly, some way he could switch his flight. He braces for her reply.
She calls him back in a matter of seconds. “You want to what?!”
“I know, I know! It’s last minute-“
“Yeah, no shit-“
“I just have some things to do in LA, that’s all.”
Brooke can hear Courtney’s snort on the other end of the line. “Oh, I know exactly what you want to do. Or who.”
“Shut up.” He hangs up the phone grinning, knowing that despite her teasing she’ll try to work something out.
The rational part of his brain is wondering about flight ticket cancellation fees, ungodly layovers, and being stuck with his current clothes for another few weeks, but the rambling thoughts are being overshadowed by the idea of seeing Vanessa earlier than planned. Should he surprise her? Should he call her now? God, he’s tempted, he wants to hear her reaction to the idea right this second.
He decides against it. He’d rather see that reaction in person.
Courtney pulls through as she always does, cancelling his Nashville ticket and instead managing to book him on a flight to LA for early Sunday morning by the time his gig is over for the night.
“You have to head to the airport in three hours,” she says. “You won’t get any sleep but it was the only one with seats still available. You’re welcome.”
Brooke is practically giddy when going through the security lines, despite the early hour and disgruntled travellers around him. He sends Vanessa a good morning text as he boards, knowing she won’t read it until she wakes up in another few hours, but wanting to message her before he’s in the air nonetheless.
Brooke is used to plane rides. He takes Xanax for the long ones, and sleeps or watches Netflix for the rest. His current three and a half hour journey to LA, while shorter and spread over two flights, feels endless in comparison. His leg bounces up and down and he’s drawn a glare from his seatmate once already.
The Uber from the airport to Vanessa’s place feels just as long. The LA traffic makes him feel as if he could walk through the gridlock and still get there faster. The lack of sleep is catching up to him and his head falls slack against the car window more than once.
His exhaustion fades when he finally, finally reaches her apartment. The Uber driver is nice, taking pity on Brooke and helping him bring his suitcases to the building’s elevator. He lugs his bags to Vanessa’s front door on his own, and has to catch his breath ever so slightly before knocking.
“Coming, coming!”
Brooke can hear her gravelly voice on the other side getting closer, and he is unable to suppress his grin when it is followed by the sound of tripping and a slight oof.   
“Damn I need to clean, now who the fuck is knocking so early on a Sunday-“
The door swings open and he’s face to face with Vanessa, whose bleary eyes size him up and take a second to register-
“What are you doing here!” Her hug is crushing his ribs and he doesn’t care, he’s here and she’s here and in his arms and all the travelling was worth it. “I’m so happy, what the hell Brock, come here.“
She pulls him down for a kiss, one that doesn’t last long because their grins get in the way. When they pull back Vanessa’s eyes are sparkling and she runs her hands over his arms, his chest, his cheek, his hair, like she can’t believe that he’s standing in front of her. In all honesty, neither can he.
“Surprise?” Brooke offers, and Vanessa cracks up, pulling him in for another hug. He swears that he hears a contented sigh when he kisses the top of her head.
“What happened to stopping in Nashville for a few days?”
The hug and his jacket muffle her voice. He shrugs, as much as he can in their current position.
“I couldn’t wait until Wednesday.”
It’s the truth. How could he when they both have days off? All time that he can spend with her. He feels like he’d be able to be in her company forever and not tire of it, never wanting to stop hearing her laugh and ramblings and everything else that comes out of her mouth. He doesn’t ever want to stop being able to pull her close and hug her and kiss her, being able to relish in the feeling of how perfectly they fit together.
After all, he’s tried once. They’ve tried once. It didn’t work. He never wants to try it again.
“You look beat,” she says when she looks up at him, her own sleepy eyes roaming over his face.
Brooke can feel the exhaustion of the journey starting to hit his system now that he’s made it, now that he’s with her.
“My flight was at five.”
She shakes her head incredulously. “When did you plan this?”
“…Last night.”
“You’re absolutely batshit, you know that? I love it.” Vanessa reaches on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek when he protests that statement, then tugs on his hand. “C’mon.”
She helps him bring his suitcases inside. Brooke closes the door, then tilts her face up with two fingers under her chin. His lips are on hers and his heart is going to burst. He feels like he’s home and it’s like he never left, like he has forever to go with her.
Vanessa tugs the jacket off of Brooke’s shoulders, leaving it on top of the pile of suitcases. She grabs his hand and pulls him to her room, which is now becoming as familiar to him as his own. He has a nook for his clothes in her closet, a toothbrush by the sink and he never thought that he’d have this, that he’d want this but it feels so right and perfect. She’s right and perfect.
She goes to her dresser and tosses him a pair of shorts that he gratefully changes into (why did he wear jeans for his flight this morning?), and he tugs off his shirt for good measure. It’s still early in the morning, and by her stifled yawn he can tell that she’s on the same wavelength as he is. Everything else can wait.
Vanessa pulls him to the bed, and he climbs under the covers on his side (he has a side, he’s never had a side in someone’s bed before her) like it’s second nature. She curls into him as easy as breathing, her warm body pressing into his and making him feel like he’s defrosting on the inside. Her head rests against his chest and his arms wrap around her, as if letting go of her means that he won’t be here anymore.
Her fingers tracing up his sides and the lingering smell of her cologne help to ground him, to remind him that he is really here.
“I missed you.” It’s a whisper. She’s quiet when she’s feeling soft and sentimental, something he’s grown to understand.
He holds her impossibly tighter. “I missed you, too.”
Brooke doesn’t know if Vanessa has heard him. Her breathing is already beginning to slow down and her fingers are stilling as she drifts off. He doesn’t mind. They have days in front of them, and he can tell it to her as many times as she wants to hear it. And that she’s truly a part of him now, in his veins and his mind all the time and there’s no way that he can get her out. Not that he ever wants to.
He’s criss-crossed the continent over the last few months, travelled from city to city. As he lies in bed with Vanessa and feels the rise and fall of her chest as his own body succumbs to sleep, he discovers that he’s already found his favourite place in the world – and it’s with her.
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