#exactly how i'm feeling today
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Okay so I said I was drawing a sangihun kiss and that I would hopefully finish and post it tonight. Well I didn't finish it and I also got distracted and started drawing another sangihun thing and I love the sketch so much that as an apology y'all are getting that now. But hey, I said I was gonna post a sangihun kiss tonight and technically I kinda did <3
Anyways, here it is:
Also the legs and feet at the bottom left are part of what I originally wanted to finish tonight :>
#i started drawing this because when i was drawing the original thing that i wanted to finish today i wrote down the line#'and then gihun puts his tounge in sangwoo's mouth'#because i potentially wanted to use that somewhere in the post idk#but then i was like okay but i kinda just want to draw that now#it didn't turn out exactly like that but this is basically how i get my art ideas#hope y'all enjoy#it's so funny to me how i drew sangihun and got distracted by drawing something else that's Also sangihun#this ship has caught me and it won't let go and i'm fine with that#anyways#hhhhhh soft sangwoo <33333#he would be so soft with gihun i'm telling you!!!! so careful and soft as if he doesn't wanna break him#not because gihun is weak but because he's just so precious to sangwoo <33#ma heart#gonn admitci actually like this doodle a little bit more than what i was originally drawing#i still like that too and i definetly want to finish it#but idk this doodle is just so soft and i feel like my art can sometimes be a bit stiff and i don't really like that#so i get really happy when i draw something sweet like this <3#so yeah#bro i'm such a sucker for when somebody who wears glasses puts them up on their head like that just always looks so good!!!!#also gihun's s1 hair is so fun to draw!!!!!#squid game#sangihun#gihun x sangwoo#seong gi hun#cho sang woo#seong gihun#cho sangwoo#lyxchen's art#sketchies#squid game fanart
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Club Ruby (Team Dark) members in the Road Trip AU! (they're under the cut, I just don't want to take up too much of your space)
I have shown off Shadow before because Fearless: Year of Shadow was announced, but I have the rest of the family done too!
The clothes drawn on them are just an outfit, they change clothes all the time (like regular people), so don't be surprised if I draw them wearing something different from what was drawn here.
#roadtrip!sonic au#shadow the ultimate lifeform#shadow the hedgehog#black arms#shadow android#dadow#e 123 omega#rouge the bat#silver the hedgehog#sonic fanart#Sorry I just really didn't feel like drawing a doodle request today- I think I'm just really tired today from work.#Gonna have to rename Road Trip to the Dad au with how many freaking parents there are in this au wha-#I didn't realize just the SHEER amount of dads in this au. It's not just Sonic and Shadow- there are others too not shown yet!#Also Surprise! Silver is a member of the club! Well- kinda. He's not exactly old enough to work there. But he's a part of the family no les
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wait wait y'all are PAYING for chatgpt???
#i was in a discord chat with these 2 friends and they've been making dumb ai art based off people from the group#and i was getting increasingly pissed about it and then one of them mentioned how it was so worth the money??#so glad i'm tens of thousands of dollars in debt so i could have a degree in art and be taken seriously as an artist.#so glad they'd rather pay and enter a prompt over and over again until it's Good Enough and have it immediately#instead of the INCONVENIENCE of asking an artist to draw it instead and being able to converse with them so it's exactly what they pay for#god forbid you wait a day or two because then the joke isn't funny anymore#and listen i know using chatgpt is so much deeper/worse than that i just feel like shit today
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hate how divorced my thoughts and my emotions can be it makes me feel so irrational and insane
#i know EXACTLY where the feeling is coming from but i do not know what to do with it#i know why it's there and what it means and i even know to stop myself from#the behavior it points to#but what do i do with the feeling??#bc i can't it ignore it#and i can only sit in it for so long#my last therapist said sometimes she felt like i wanted her to tell me how to turn my emotions off and like tbh kinda#that would be a helpful skill to have sometimes#i don't want that i like how deeply i feel things. or whatever. i'm just sad today#see look there's an example !!!!!
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GUUUYYUYSSSD !!!!!
‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
KIMONO MY HOUSE VINYL!!!!!!
Also funny story which is that when my brother took these to the cashier he said something like "oh... Sparks... they were here one year ago"
#YES THEM BEING THERE IS EXACTLY WHY I TOLD MY BROTHER TO GO THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE ('there' being tower records in japan)#but i find it so funny that the cashier actually remarked on that fact too#anyway. you need to know that i'm feeling so very AAAAHHHH right now. all of these are such a big deal to me#i didn't think i'd actually own KMH ON VINYL at any point#also utterly shocked about the guerilla toss CD. very exciting to have that one too#they're one of my fav bands and i implore everyone who likes unhinged and very experimental and cacophonic rock to check them out#this album (eraser stargazer) isn't the most accessible thing there is out there but i really love it#(i don't even know how to describe it properly. it's just really something to behold anyway)#the plushie is also a gift from my brother!! i'll gladly take any name suggestions for him#oh and also sparks debut album. first album that i own both on CD and vinyl as of today#it's not even that it's my fav sparks album or anything (i do really love it though and it's definitely somewhere in my top ten)#it's just that some albums feel more like they 'fit' with the vinyl format than CD in sound. to me at least#one other example of that besides this one being gratsax#ok i think that's all i have to say about this. one of the most epic hauls of my life that's for sure#OH WAIT one more thing. somewhat unfortunate actually#which is that my brother said he's pretty sure he saw a latte vinyl#but when he passed by that section again like 10 minutes later he already couldn't find it. oh latte.......#it's ok i'll have it one day. i'm really curious what went down there though. did someone really snag it in those 10 minutes???#and yes in case you're worried i did thank my brother profusely for getting me all this#and now i'm going to force him to listen to the TMBG vinyl with me so that he's PREPARED FOR THE CONCERT#that's in 3 months and that he's know about for a year and a half. ok i'm done now#goosepost
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#feeling controversial today i guess#but like#i am at the point where i actively do not get the hype around tommy#like he’s just some guy#most of what people seem to like AND hate about him seems to be just based on headcanons not anything he's actually done in canon#he's had exactly zero development outside of moving buck's character forward since showing up again#like sure maybe there's potential but it hasn't actually been used at this point he's just kind of there#i do not understand having particularly strong opinions on him in eithet direction#like fanon opinions sure he's fun in fic#but like. the way people seem to be mapping their fanon versions of him onto canon to fit either a blind adoration or a blind hatred for hi#is super weird to me#like he’s just som guy y'all why is half the fandom falling out over this dude while the other half has gone underground??#he's just not that interesting#i will never understand how hard this fandom goes for side characters#who have had next to no development of their own#i didn't get it with lucy#i don't get it with tommy#like to each their own#but damn the power y'all give these random characters who frankly just aren't that interesting in their current states is#a lot#like enjoy have fun no judgment there#but can we maybe stop actively attacking each other over this guy he's just some dude come on y'all#*either *him *some#i really need to proofread my tags#*also i think i mean more controversy rather than hype in that third tag. it's not really that i don't understand why people like him#but more that i don't understand how he inspires such extreme opinions#anti tommy kinard#just in case#this isn't meant to be anti really i'm just like. very neutral about him#911 discourse
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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people might forget and move on but i no joke always keep cherishing and actively touching and looking at all of the gifts people have given me
#i find it such a luxury and fortune to receive a gift#that each that is given to me gets looked at remembered and cherished#not going to exaggerate and say i do that every other day. but every week i do look at things again on different occasions#and i remember what i was told and why i was given that. i don't know#people might give something to me just because and might forget. but i don't#i think it's lucky to have friends or people who find it easy to do something for you#so i don't exactly forget or sleep on it. if you give me something i will remember and i will cherish it#i've looked at my gift art folder too recently. how precious people have been to me#the least i can do is cherish what they've done and thank them each time they take time off their day for me#because i know there's so much going on and i'm so inept at socializing in natural ways that i don't do that#good deeds done towards me are a blessing. and i'm often in a place where i don't really feel i deserve it#but each time someone does something for me and takes time off their day for me i am grateful#anyway lmao we're rantsy today because we are stressed and got shit to do in the lab while kkind of tired and anxious for other things#not really feeling it lately. so. henry of skalitz save me i guess#i hope if anything i get to sit down and draw my original bound ocs today. i need to at least once a year
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is it possible to be too tired to cry/feel emotions?
#bc i felt like that happened to me a lot where somehow it coincided that i was too sleep deprived exactly in those moments where i was about#to cry to be able to do it#like just this insane sleepiness stopping me from actually crying anything out#and then i realized today how much i starrted yawning and how i instantly went into auot-pilot#and i thought wait is this actually dissociation?#bc i couldnt stop yawning at all from one moment to the next#and then 5mins later i was normal awake again#no yawning sinc#its been 2h or idek hpw much and im still awake and yeah im tired but not at that degree of sleepiness#i know i shut down my feelings and that i have always struggled with feelingg and expressing them#but to get into such drowsiness and yawning without control#not being able to cry when im trying to accept its fine#like i know i dissociate enpugh to lose feeling in my face and hands/feet#but i've never had complete amnesia#lots of fogginess and time passing in wrong/weird ways#and at this point i thiught i was good at catching those rougher moments where i am clocked out of mmy body#i thought i was doing better than this 😂#best thing i'm at is denial lmao#ignore me
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TWO WEEKS LEFT my dudes.
#girl i'm so not ready. not yet. AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAA!!!! etc#the days are blurring together and i'm losing sense of time and life is absurd but at least there's sparks tomorrow. oh my gof#is this the point at which i get scared instead of excited briefly. i don't knowwww but it's well. a lot. truly#i could go into a whole tagent about how time makes no sense anymore and i feel like i'm never able to actually do or process anything#until it's over and long in the past etc. i've been truly losing my mind over the past couple of months basically in some sense#and its just getting worse still somehow. how do i stop the passing of time for just a second where is my life even going whats even real#anymore when does it become normal and fine again and. well i said i wouldn't go on the tagent yet i did anyway if briefly#been bottling it up for way too long i suppose. but well yeah sigh. kind of related but actually not related AT ALL. deltarune TODAY?????!!@#and i've been planning to play the first two chapters again before 3 and 4 come out and all i did was reinstall the game on my new laptop#last evening. so that's how doing things in time is going lately even as simple as just playing a video game i really like#and was so excited about at some point!!!!! god help me. i dont know maybe another big trip is exactly what can snap me out of this now.#i hope. a little change of the daily routine again and then i'm back to face things with a new perspective and fresh energy. yeah#it helped FOR A BIT in november so maybe it can work for real now. now that i'm not having depressive breakdowns every other day at least#maybe now i will pull it all back together. well i guess that's the state of my pre-tour mood right now lmao it will get better eventually#sometimes your biggest dream coming true can actually be the scariest thing... maybe that's what it is... enough moping though#i'll try my best to get excited abt this again at least bcs it'll be the best thing of all time. all the other stuff can wait 2 more weeks.#goosepost
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#saw a post today about how op don't think Thomas can love Aldo because he has so and so negative qualities#(implying I guess that Vincent doesn't have them)#respectfully blocked op because it's not something I want to see but it stuck with me#like it's probably me being multiship and poly speaking. or something else. but it felt so... wrong#like... like Aldo failed some test for Thomas' love? like he's not good enough? like you need to be good enough to be loved?#I don't remember exact wording but there was something about Aldo being prideful or smthing like that and I was like yes that... that's Ald#why wouldn't Thomas love him for that!!!#like don't get me wrong. yes Vincent different from everything Thomas saw before yes he's something he needs in his life right now and it's#oblivious and natureal that he falls for him#for me personally it just doesn't mean he can't be in love with Aldo. for different reasons#but even if he's not and what he feels for him is absolutely platonic and brotherly — which is fine with me#as long as it's not impied that it's some kind of 'lesser' connection compared to romatic stuff Thomas shares with Vincent#anyway#even if it's platonic. I just can't imagine the reasoning like 'oh I'm not in love with Aldo because he serves curia and also has pride'#I don't know. I ship sabb*llini mostly in tragic one-sided way but it never once occured to me to say something like#'oh yes Aldo can't love Julio because he's cunning and too invested in church politics'#Julio is his friend! he already loves him! for this too! if it's not romantic love it's because Aldo's romantic senses clicks with differen#type of person and not because Julio has something in him that prevents Aldo from loving him#is it make sense??? I'm trying to understand what exactly unsettled me so much while I'm writing this lol#anyway. Thomas loves and adores his bitchy petty painfully prideful invested in politics and inner workings of curia liberal-and-proud#friend with all his heart. with all his beautiful imperfections (there's none) and shortcomings (he's perfect)
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Hm. Yeah. There's definitely something wrong with me
#my mum pretty much told me that I'm a selfish useless child once again#she pretty much hates me and told me that I'm nothing#ofc she didn't say exactly that#but you get the idea#so she told me about myself for maybe 10-15 minutes#then I painted my nails#after that I went to get a banana from downstairs#and WANTED to get a juice box#but ultimately didn't because I suddenly got so scared that she would notice and would get mad#because technically the juice boxes are for my younger sister who's still in school#but i was just staring at it in shock like a scared animal trying to predict it's predator's next move#i ended up getting a water bottle (probably better for me anyway)#but yeah#now I know for sure something is very wrong with me#ive always kinda hated having to eat/consume resources/cost money#but today really open up my eyes to how bad it fucking is#it really feels like ''oh god 🙃''#bluey's vents#tw just in case#cw just in case
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Seven Sentence Sunday Deluxe 🚙
I was tagged by @jesuisici33 @daffi-990 and @disasterbuckdiaz thank you lovelies 💛
Here, have this snippet from the accident fic, which you can now read on ao3
“But uh listen…” Eddie was pulled back to reality by the rasp in Buck’s voice.
“Spit it out, Buck.” He grunted, climbing behind the steering wheel of his truck, only just realising that he didn’t know where he was driving just yet.
“It’s pretty bad, Eddie.”
Buck sounded quiet and breathy and he was injured, and Eddie felt infinitely useless right now. He promised to have Buck’s back and now he was alone at some other part of town in an ambulance with strangers and where the hell was Eddie when Buck needed him? Tucked under his covers, sleeping; that’s where.
Fuck, he was spiralling. He had to calm down, he’ll be no use for Buck like this.
✨absolutely no pressure tags: @forthewolves @eddiediaztho @callaplums @ladydorian05 @disasterbuckdiaz @giddyupbuck @steadfastsaturnsrings
#I'm just flinging this out there#because my hands are otherwise empty#I spent the whole day yesterday decluttering my place as some of you guys know#and today I went to the landfill which was honestly a spiritual experience#anyway I'm not even sure how I feel about this fic#it's exactly 4k words though#so that's kinda cool I guess#buddie#911#the accident fic#wip
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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a good cry always does wonders
#sorry for the vent ! feel free to scroll past !#had a nice conversation w my bf today#let out a good cry#and idt ive ever loved him more#was anxious about sharing lots of things w him bc i didn't really know how he'd react#or was afraid of disappointing him or smth but#he could already tell#i never used to fully grasp what it meant or felt like when ppl would say: someone who knows u better than u know urself#but today he rlly showed me just that#he's been hinting smth at me for the past few months that he thinks maybe this one thing i'm trying out isn't really for me#bec i guess he could really see that i was just trying to force it#and when i was sharing how i felt today and couldn't really voice it out#he tried to help me w it and asked if i was feeling x way and y way#and it was exactly that :( he said it was cos he's been noticing it from me for a while#and he was so sweet with the way he responded too#all love and support and not in any way disappointed at all#and idk i just feel like wow. isn't that such a special thing? to have someone know and respect u like this#i appreciate how he didn't push/pry at me the months before (bc he knows i don't really like being prodded unless i share it myself)#(i like to keep things to myself for a while to give myself the chance to handle it before involving others)#and idk i'm feeling a different type of soft today#and like a huge weight was lifted off me#lovebug#i talked so much again
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