#ex stormtrooper kin | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sxveme-2 · 4 years ago

Text

hidden // din djarin

description: the life of nobility wasn't one for everyone. some would rather duck under the shadows around them, especially after a great betrayal to the name of a planet but despite being hidden, not everyone can avoid the blinding lights of danger. whether it be those after those who had escaped, or the poor bounty hunter who ended up picking her up. both with a large bounty on their heads. follow Cloak as she lives the days as an escaped noble, hiding from the eyes of serenno after the fall of count dooku, shacking up with one of the most sought after child and the mandalorian unfortunate enough to have a big heart.

chapter three: the one with a sister

warnings: violence, fight scenes

word count: 3323

"what do you think you're doing, leta?" she hissed, stalking forward and ripping the dress from the young girls hands, "why are you in my closet?" she snapped, hugging the aged fabric closer to her chest as she glared down at the raven haired girl.

"looking at which dresses of yours I can burn." the twelve year old smirked, reaching for another one of her most sacred possessions.

"no. not happening." she scoffed, tugging at the small girls arm, dragging her away from the dresses, "you know you're not allowed in my chambers. if I find you in here again I'll send you out to the forest beasts."

she didn't actually know if their were beasts in the forest. she assumed there was. there had been many nights where she'd snuck out from the castle and wandered through the expanse forest line. she'd encountered small creatures, but never anything murderous or grand. she mostly just said this to scare her younger half-sister into leaving her alone. leta never wanted to hang out with her or spend time, no, she only ever antagonized and ridiculed her. but the idea of the young princess getting ahold of her mothers dresses sent a strike of venom through her, and her tone came out harsh and aggressive. that of which was her mothers held a sacred place in her heart, and she'd be damned if a twerp like leta would get in the way of that.

"you'd be executed for treason of the highest order!" the younger royal exclaimed, turning and stamping her foot as she stared down the elder princess.

"then my wish would finally come true. even five minutes without you would make my life complete." she smiled tightly, shutting the large double doors of her chambers in leta's face.

that little girl was as vile as they came. one more than one occasion, she had woken up with paint in her hair and leta and her friends giggling outside. she'd draw on her favourite gowns, hide her crown. it didn't matter. and it wasn't just her who got the brute end of the stick, the little girl terrorized the entire kingdom. from stomping on guards feet to defacing the throne room. but never once did she face punishment. her mother was just as evil and vile, so she paid no mind to her daughters antics. but her father? well, she expected something out of him. but instead, he said nothing. allowing and encouraging these antagonistic acts.

for a little girl whose name meant joyful or gladly, she sure made everyone miserable.

sliding down onto the soft cushion of her closets couch, she placed her face into the fabric of the dress leta had been holding. it had been twelve years since her mother had died, but not a day goes by without something reminding her of the woman. today, it was the dresses. the ones that she had managed to keep and place carefully on hangers in a, what she had believed to be, locked display case. for no one to touch. alongside the delicate crown and memory of the kind woman. one of grace and dignity. not of malice and corruption. but she supposed that was where her parents marriage failed. her father was a coldhearted king with no regard to the wellbeing of his people. while her mother was believed to be an angel to the people. a saving grace to provide a sense of understanding. after the fall of dooku, her father had ceased his political standing to rewrite the entirety of the planets government.

creating that of a king, and that of a queen. whom shall only be succeeded by kin of their own. leaving the pressure on her shoulders. she didn't want it.

-----

"a job?" she questioned, "what on earth could be going on on a planet like this that would require a mandalorian?"

"a violent group of outlaws are planning on raiding the village here tonight." he stated quietly, "you are responsible for the kid. this is a test. if even a scratch finds itself on the kids head I swe- "

"I got it. no one will go near the kid." she interrupted, looking down at the green guy, "we'll be alright, eh buddy?" she cooed, bouncing him gently, "do you know anything else about these supposed outlaws? are they like escaped criminals."

"no idea. apparently they came in a foreign ship a few days ago." he shrugged, looking down at the beaming child she was holding, who was grabbing at the girls shirt.

"mind if I come with to take a look? I've worked with peli for five years, I can help you identify the ships origins." she shrugged.

while that wasn't a lie, it wasn't why she would have known the ships origins. she had bounced from planet to planet for a while when she first ran from her past. coming into contact with a variety of ships and different makers. her knowledge on spaceships reached much further than being able to repair them. each planet seemed to have it's own unique touch to its native ships, and not only had she been a planet hopper for a while, her past gave her the wear and tear of visiting the vast galaxy. and being able to learn about these different things through her privilege's of her blood.

"why not, more eyes the better." the man that mando had been talking to boomed as he approached, giving a warm smile to her, "now who's this mando? new special friend?"

"no." the two stated in unison, grim tones evident in their words.

"she's the kids new caretaker," cara chuckled, "they share zero romantic feelings. they barely even share friendly feelings." she explained, placing her hand on her waist.

"he doesn't exactly give much of an opportunity for someone to like him." she chided, sending a glance to the side at the tall man, "bit of a jerk."

"you talk too much." his robot like voice muttered as the two in front of them let out a soft chuckle at the interactions. earning a gentle coo from the small child in her arms.

-----

"you're telling me I could have just put him in this thing?" she stated, gesturing to the silver egg that was following mando close behind, "and you failed to mention this?"

they had all decided collectively that going by foot to the landing sight would be less obvious than flying over there, and they could sneak up on whoever these outlaws were before they managed an attack. if they could figure out who they were exactly up against, the fight itself would present itself as much less difficult. and if the threat was small, they could terminate it where they stood. but first and foremost, they had to identify the craft. karga had said the ship was fairly ornate yet still had a rustic and fighter like fade to it. he hadn't seen anyone around it when he had managed a glimpse the day that it had landed. but he explained that it was quite large, and that worried him. for there could be a large group on it.

"I wanted to see if you'd figure it out." mando's modulated voice muttered with a tinge of sarcasm to it, "and you didn't, so. clearly you're not as smart as peli said."

"I knew it was a thing, I just didn't realize you could make it follow you." she snapped back, readjusting the sack on her shoulder, "y'know, I should probably have one of those things. as his new caretaker and all."

"we'll get one made for you, Cloak." cara piped in, patting the girls back as she fell into stride with her, "you know, I've had this feeling since you arrived. do I know you?"

tilting her head to the side, she watched the ex-shock trooper with furrowed eyebrows. so it hadn't just been her. the entire time they had been there she hadn't been able to exactly place why she found cara to be so familiar. stormtroopers never removed their helmets at her castle, but perhaps it was the aura of cara that was familiar. she had seen a few shock troopers in her life, and she was sure the other woman had seen quite a few cloaked mystery people in her days. but it was almost unsettling that both seemed to recognized one another without actually knowing who the other was. she was worried that if cara figured it out, and knew her identity somehow, that the entire past five years would have been a complete waste for her.

"mm, don't think so." she stated simply, picking up her pace subtly to catch up with the flying hatch that the kid was in.

"we're coming up on it." karga called, and the small group ducked behind a large magma rock a bit of a ways away.

she pulled the goggles she wore off of her eyes and rested them on her forehead in an attempt to somehow get a better view. but she couldn't. they moved quietly a bit closer to where the figure seemed much large. voices were hushed, and they ducked once more. leaning over a large crevice in the rock, she squinted her eyes at the ship. glancing over the ridges and the different features, her heart began to pick up speed. every time she identified a distinct feature, her stomach dropped further and further closer to her ass. the entire design was something a little to familiar for her liking. and she knew exactly where it came from. for she was there, when the ship was made.

on serenno.

-----

"what do you mean that's a serennian ship?" mando scoffed as they walked into a cantina in the town, sliding into a booth, "why would a serennian ship be here?"

her leg bounced rapidly as she held the child on her lap. her breathing had yet to settle and her chest continued to grow tighter the more she was questioned. the cantina around them was still loud and thriving, meaning that it was fairly safe for them to be talking about the topic. but she was worried that this would somehow link the two pieces of her identity together. that her quick knowledge on the ship would give away all that she had worked for over the past half of a decade. she didn't want to talk about it. she didn't even want to think about it. if there were serennians here...she didn't know what she would do.

"damn it Cloak," cara muttered, "are you sure?"

nodding, she cleared her throat. finally regaining her composure, "yes I'm positive." she stated simply, slowing her leg down to feed grogu a piece of food.

"how can you be so sure?" greef karga asked, leaning forward across the table, "if they're serennian- "

"I never said they would be from serenno." she stated simply, placing down the bowl of food, looking up at the others, "it is a serennian ship. I know them well. if there are serennian soldiers on the ship I'm afraid you may need more than a single mandalorian." she explained, allowing the child to grip onto her finger.

the conversation grew quiet after her final statement. everyone stared at her, wondering just how she had this knowledge. she had stories she'd told before about her knowledge of serenno, saying it was one of the planets she had stayed at for a bit before ending up on tatooine. she could easily say she had a run in with a guard and barely got away with her wits. but she knew she had spoken too much. but she hadn't lied, if the ship was full of serennian soldiers, than she wasn't sure if simply a mandalorian could take them on. she knew how to fight those types of soldiers, she had a tendency to sneak into their training and watch. find their weakness. the kinks in their armour. but she didn't want to leave any more possible crumbs for someone to follow and find out exactly who she was.

"well then we'll need reinforcements." mando stated calmly, sneaking a glance towards the cloaked girl who continued peacefully feeding the child. and clearly avoiding eye contact. though she had put her goggles back on, she wasn't sure they could even see her eyes.

after the awkward meeting, greef karga and cara went off to find a few more backup fighters. people who would help the fight. leaving mando, her, and the child alone in the cantina. a tense aura evident among the group, and silence only broken by the small noises from the kid. he continued to tug gently at her pointer finger, becoming entertained with the shifting of her glove. she didn't dare speak, worried that mando would launch into a million questions. she prayed to the maker he didn't. she didn't need anyone finding out who she was or where she was from.

"so you really were a mechanic?" he asked, breaking the silence with a question that had caught her off guard originally.

she nodded, looking up, "yes. I wasn't just a leech who used Peli for her kindness and resources. I'm a good mechanic, I'm a good healer. and apparently I'm good with kids."

"you ever been to serenno?"

she bit her lip underneath her mask, "yes. before I ended up on tatooine, I tried to find the place that fit. serenno wasn't good for me."

"where are you originally from?" he questioned, leaning further across the table. she could feel his piercing gaze underneath the thick beskar helmet.

"jakku." she lied, keeping her eyes trailed on his in order to seem somewhat put together. in an attempt to keep the facade she was the farthest from serennian.

"...can you fight?"

"why? trying to get your beskar covered ass kicked?"

"perfect. you've got double duty tonight. ensuring the kid is safe, and fighting some serennians. got it?"

"do I have a choice?"

-----

the answer was no. she didn't have a choice. no matter if she fought it or not, there was no decision making here on her end. her main priority would be taking care of the child, but she supposed the ragtag group of fighters could use any advantage or support they could get. the only combat she knew was the top tier of serennian guards, after managing to charm the captain to teacher her the ways. so she supposed they may have a bit of an edge up on the others...but still, her main priority was hiding her own identity. not saving the stupid village.

"kid if you try and move out of this thing I'll string you up by your toes." she cooed, clicking the hatch shut and turning back towards where the others stood, making her way over.

cara had one of the remotes made for her so that the hatch would follow her as well when she needed. making her job much easier. instead of caring around a child in her arms the entirety of their stay. plus, it would just be safer for the child. being able to stay hidden as well as her being able to keep tabs on him the entire time if need be. seeing as his survival probably equated to her own. as much as she had come to despise the mandalorian quickly, she knew he was dangerous, and could overpower her easily. and she didn't enjoy the idea of being killed because she failed at the one task she had.

"here they come." mando's voice called as everyone ducked behind magma rocks, waiting to launch a surprise attack on the raiders.

glancing around the rock, she lowered her eyes to try and figure out if their guess was right. and it was. a group of about 20 serennian soldiers were marching forward towards the village. she wasn't sure what they wanted, but her main guess was her father trying to take over another planet. whenever he attempted when she was back home, it never worked. and merely wasted men and supplies. but no one dared attempt to oppose him, for the power he did hold was immense. and his government had shown to be impenetrable. however, what she didn't recognize at first, was the sole person with no helmet on walking forward. dark hair waved in the hot wind of nevarrol, creating a cloak like effect as she and the group walked forward. it was when they got closer, when she realized just who she was dealing with.

"you okay?" cara whispered from beside her as she slumped her back down against the rock.

her mouth ran dry and hands grew sweaty in her gloves. suddenly, her mask became suffocating and everything around her seemed to close in on her, despite being in an open area. her stomach twisted and eyes grew hot and wet as she listened to the footsteps grow closer. she knew who was leading the attack. someone that was as vile and cruel as they come. selfishness coursing through her veins. a greed and hatred towards what seemed like the entirety of the galaxy fueling antagonistic acts. but never, did she expect to see her leading a raid on a peaceful village on a burnt planet.

"well, been better." she admitted. but before cara could reply, mando gave the cue to begin the attack on the group.

planting her palm on the dark rock behind her, she launched herself into a backflip over the large piece of earth. landing gracefully on her feet, the shooting began. the plan seemed to work, catching the group off guard. but it didn't take long for the group of twenty soldiers to regain their composure and begin to retaliate. she pushed herself off of the ground and wrapped her legs tightly around the neck of a soldier, squeezing tightly as she leaned backwards and wrapped her arms around another's. twisting her body, she tossed the first soldier backwards and heard the sick crack of his neck echo in her ears. launching herself around onto the second soldiers back, the click of her blaster sent her and the now deceased soldier flying.

catching herself on her hand, she pushed upwards and landed on her feet once more. glancing back towards the hatch, she saw that one of the soldiers was heading it's way. no doubt believing it to be a bomb of some sort. leaping into action, she planted a foot on the top of a magma rock and launched forward once more, flattening her body so her feet came into contact with the back of the armour, sending them forward against another rock. she opened the hatch to ensure the kid was fine, before closing it and shooting the soldier directly between where his protective helmet met the bodes of their armour. except it went directly through the small gap between the two pieces.

"you're quite the acrobat." a sickly familiar voice cooed behind her, "I believe none of my soldiers are agile enough to handle someone of your stature."

turning slowly, she came face to face with that same estranged and villainous face that she did not miss. the dark curtains of hair flowing freely over her shoulders. her olive skin glistened from sweat of the battle, and head tilted as she observed. she had grown up exponentially over the past five years. and she felt a knife twist in her gut as the two made eye contact. luckily, every little piece of her was covered. from the hairs on her head to the bottoms of her feet. unless she had become more observant, she shouldn't be able to know who it was.

but she did. she knew who this woman was. the leader of the army. she knew exactly who she was, and what she was as a child.

a sister.

#din djarin #din djarin fanfic #the mandalorian #mandalorian fanfic #the mandalorian spoilers #mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian fanfic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfic #baby yoda #grogu #enemies to lovers #star wars #star wars fanfic #angst

1 note · View note

ariainstars · 5 years ago

Text

Star Wars Etymology

Classic Trilogy

Darth Vader = „Dark Father“, the evil, malignant, unknown father. Probably the most well-known allegorical name in the history of cinema.

Skywalker = All Skywalker men are pilots. In A New Hope Luke watches the binary sunset on Tatooine, dreaming of leaving the planet. In The Phantom Menace little Anakin looks up to the night sky and tells Qui-Gon Jinn that he wants to be the first person to travel to all of the stars. In Attack of the Clones young padawan Anakin jumps freely from Obi-Wan’s vehicle as if travelling on air.

Luke = Lucas, the classic trilogy’s hero was thought up as the author’s alter ego. In Greek “leukos” “white”, in Latin „lux” „light”, indicating that Luke will illuminate the galaxy which was darkened by the Empire. Also, his name matches his twin sister’s; their intertwined destinies are already announced by Tatooine’s twin suns.

Leia = Leila in Arab „night”, matching her brother’s name “light”. The name „Leah” (same pronunciation) appears in the Old Testament and means “lioness”.

Organa = Derived from “Morgana”, King Arthur’s half-sister. An additional correlation between the Arthurian legend and Luke’s story.

Han Solo = “Alone” or „Lonely“, the name hints that Han initially belongs to no one and doesn’t like to blend in or follow the rules. It can also be interpreted as „Lone Hand”. In Chinese „Han” “shining”, hinting at the fact that Han is a hero, even if not exactly by his own choice.

Jedi = In Japanese Jidai Geki „epoch tales“, stories with feudal background narrating the deeds of the Samurai.

Obi-Wan = In Japanese „Obi” is the kimono sash, “wan” recalls the form of address “san” and „ken” “sword”, another parallel to the Samurai.

Yoda = Yoga, a parallel to the meditating techniques of the Jedi discipline. In Sanskrit “yudh” “warrior”. Yoda is called a “great warrior” by Luke, who replies that war does not make anyone great. Yoda’s syntax refers to the Japanese language, too, by putting the verb almost always at the end of the sentence.

Tarkin = Tarquinius was one of the Etruscan kings of Rome. Particularly renowned is Tarquinius the Proud, the last of Rome’s mythical seven kings.

Jabba = Jabbar “powerful” in Arab. Jabba is referred to as “mighty Jabba”.

Prequel Trilogy

Anakin = „Without a family“. The prefix „an” means “without”, “kin” in archaic English “family”. Little Anakin has no father and is separated from his only relative, his mother, at age nine. Shortly after this he also loses Qui-Gon Jinn who was a father figure for him.

Padmé = In Sanskrit „lotus”. Padmés element is water, opposed to Anakin’s fire (his temperament, but also the place where he finds his terrible end).

Amidala = The „amygdala” gland is responsible for the human capacity to empathize with others.

Shmi = Derived from „Lakshmi”, an Indian goddess. Although from a modest background, Shmi is a special person, since the Force chose her for the procreation of the Chosen One. Also, she is the one who educates him to have compassion for others.

Qui-Gon Jinn = In Chines “Chi” „power of life“ (i.e., the Force). The Chi Gong discipline teaches to adjust the mind to one’s life force. “Jinn” in Arab are supernatural, magical beings, the “genies” mostly known from the Tales of One Thousand and One Nights. As servant of the Force, Qui-Gon is, similarly to genie, a mediator between sentient beings and the forces of nature.

Boss Nass = In German „nass” “wet”, relating to the Gungan’s amphibian nature and Boss’ habit of spitting whenever he agrees with something.

Palpatine = The Palatino hill of Rome was where Augustus, the first “Caesar”, founded his residence and thus, symbolically, the Roman Empire which ended the Roman Republic.

Count Dooku = In Japanese “dooku” “poison”. The count is an important part of a scheme aiming at the destruction of the galactic Republic from the inside. “Count” is possibly an allusion at Count Dracula, who was famously interpreted by the same actor, Christopher Lee, on screen; and possibly also to Lee himself, an English nobleman of Italian origin whose real name was Conte Lee Carandini da Modena.

Sith = The Sikh were an obscure Indian cult from the end of the country’s time as a British colony.

Sequel Trilogy

Kylo = Anglicism for „caelo“, in Latin „sky“, referring to „Skywalker“.

Ren = „War lord“ in Welsh, in Latin „reborn“ hinting at Vader’s / Anakin’s reincarnation. In Japanese “lotus”, a connection to Kylo’s grandmother Padmé.

Ben Solo = „Ben“ in Arab „son“. The full name means “lonely son”.

Rey = Rei in Japanese „zero“, hinting at the fact that Rey is indeed a nobody, who has no family and belongs to no one. In Spanish however “rey” means “king”, linking her to the ex-queen Padmé. Written with an “a”, “Ray” the name is pronounced the same but connects the young woman to the Light side of the Force.

Finn = In Irish „white / bright“, reminding that Finn used to be a stormtrooper, but also referring to his honest, well-meaning nature. It also hints at the literary figure Huckleberry Finn, the inseparable friend of Tom Sawyer, whose personality reminds Poe’s.

Poe = From „peacock“, Dameron = “coxcomb, dandy”. Poe’s personality and attitude is a wink to the typical protagonists of classic swashbuckler movies.

Snoke = “Snake”. The ending syllable could hint at Luke, i.e. that he is the Jedi master’s shadow. Effectively, Snoke was present in Ben Solo’s mind since before his birth, as most probably also was his uncle. Additionally, the name creates a link with the insidious ex Emperor whose Sith name is Darth Sidious.

#star wars #etymology #names #darth vader #luke skywalker #anakin skywalker #leia organa #padme amidala #kylo ren #ben solo #han solo #rey #obi wan kenobi #the last jedi

64 notes · View notes

ideastofixit · 5 years ago

Text

My Stance

I dont think I'll ever be able to bring myself to watch the rise of skywalker again because damn it just breaks my heart.

I am very mad. Like. So mad. I left the theater and my only emotion was BIG MAD. But I blame Disney, not either of the directors. If one had been picked for all 3 films it would have at least been cohesive. No retconning neccisary. This is your fault Disney Overlords.

While being BIG MAD, I would never attack the actors or directors or storyboard artists or food catering company, it's a giant collaborative project and I can only be mad at the big company. DISNEY WTF. What's the director gonna tell his employer?? No?? You gonna tell Disney no?? Its not their fault.

So uh. Idk about this kin and stan thing. I may slightly project onto Kylo ren on the whole treated poorly, made big oops for years, realized mistake, want to get better thing. Which is why I'm so MAD at the ending. But. Idk people are mad at other people for the kin and stan stuff so I'm gonna dip outta that.

I am also BIG MAD about all the dropped potential of all the fucking characters. Child soldier to ex-stormtrooper turned viva la resistance? Golden child of rebel vets that becomes right hand to General Leia Organa? Lonely desert scavenger that hears the hero's call? Sneaky jaded red head that wants to take over the first order? Abused and manipulated skywalker that has a chance of redemption and live to tell the tale? People's champion that grew up in the first orders reign, lost loved ones personally to the first order, and hell bent on seeing the first orders fall?

0 notes

italianaradio · 5 years ago

Text

Star Wars: L’Ascesa di Skywalker, cosa funziona e cosa no nel film di J.J. Abrams

Nuovo post su italianaradio https://www.italianaradio.it/index.php/star-wars-lascesa-di-skywalker-cosa-funziona-e-cosa-no-nel-film-di-j-j-abrams/

Star Wars: L’Ascesa di Skywalker, cosa funziona e cosa no nel film di J.J. Abrams

ATTENZIONE: L’ARTICOLO CONTIENE IMPORTANTI SPOILER SU STAR WARS: L’ASCESA DI SKYWALKER

Star Wars: L’Ascesa di Skywalker (qui la nostra recensione) sta ricevendo alcune tra le critiche più contrastanti che siano mai state riservate ad uno dei nove film della “Saga degli Skywalker”: ciononostante, è sicuramente un film destinato ad aprire un profondo dibattito e del quale si parlerà per molto tempo.

Alcuni, ovviamente lo ameranno, mentre altri, probabilmente, lo odieranno. Ma trattandosi del finale di un arco narrativo iniziato ben 42 anni, accontentare tutti era letteralmente impossibile. Ma cosa ha funziona davvero e cosa invece no nel film di J.J. Abrams? Proviamo a spiegarvelo di seguito… ovviamente, se ancora non avete avuto modo di vedere il film, ci consigliamo di tenervi alla larga dalla lettura dell’articolo!

Cosa non funziona: Il ritorno di Luke Skyalker

Come previsto, Luke Skywalker torna ne L’Ascesa di Skywalker sottoforma di Fantasma della Forza. Ci ritroviamo davanti un personaggio decisamente più ottimista (pronto ad ammettere di aver sbagliato in riferimento ai fatti de Gli Ultimi Jedi), ma il suo ritorno non sembra avere quella risonanza a livello motivazionale così profonda all’interno della storia.

È bello vederlo agire come un mentore nei confronti di Rey, così com’è altrettanto bello vederlo far riemergere l’X-Wing dalle fosse dell’oceano: ma i pochi minuti che il personaggio ha a disposizione non sono realmente d’impatto né tantomeno riescono a rendere giustizia ad una storyline che da molti non è stata particolarmente apprezzata.

Cosa funziona: L’addio al Generale Leia

Pur avendo avuto a disposizione soltanto alcune scene tagliate da Il Risveglio della Forza, J.J. Abrams è comunque riuscito a porgere al personaggio del Generale Leia interpretato da Carrie Fisher il dovuto omaggio, dal momento che nel film la vediamo offrire alcuni importantissimi consigli a Rey mentre la allena per diventare un Jedi.

La scena della morte del personaggio è forse un tantino deludente, ma risulta comunque funzionale se inserita nel contesto della storia: la sequenza flashback al fianco del giovane Luke e l’apparizione nelle battute finale come Fantasma della Forza rendono ulteriore giustizia ad un personaggio assolutamente iconico che, sfortunatamente, non vedremo mai più.

Cosa non funziona: I nuovi personaggi

Se eravate entusiasti all’idea di vedere in azione personaggi come Jannah, Zorii Bliss e Beaumont Kin, fareste meglio a rivedere il calibro delle vostre aspettative. Si tratta dei nuovi personaggi che vedrete all’interno del film, personaggi che però non vengono minimamente approfonditi, risultando più che dimenticabili.

Di Jannah sappiamo soltanto che è un ex Stormtrooper, e nulla del suo passato ci viene rivelato; mentre Zorii Bliss sembra avere un trascorso con Poe Dameron, che viene però soltanto menzionato e subito accantonato. Tutti e tre i personaggi – incluso anche Beaumont Kin – non appaiono lungo tutto l’arco del film, ma entrano in scena soltanto quando diventano funzionali alla trama.

Cosa funziona: Addio Kylo Ren, bentornato Ben Solo

Dopo aver percepito la morte di sua madre, Kylo Ren esita e viene colpito da Rey. L’eroina usa la Forza per curarlo, ma a salvarlo sarà proprio l’intervento di sua madre, che riuscirà a ripulire il suo spirito da tutto l’odio e il rancore che lo hanno sempre accompagnato.

Ad allontanare definitivamente Kylo dal Lato Oscuro è, tuttavia, una conversazione con lo spirito di Han Solo, suo padre. È un momento bellissimo e particolarmente toccante, soprattutto per il ritorno di Harrison Ford. Ben dice a suo padre che lo ama, il quale lo interrompe riproponendo l’iconica battuta de L’impero colpisce ancora: “Lo so”.

Cosa non funziona: Il piano di Palpatine

Visivamente, il look dell’Imperatore Palpatine è sempre affascinante e capace di incutere ancora una volta la giusta dose di terrore. Non scopriamo però come abbia fatto a sopravvivere a quella caduta nella Morte Nera, e sembra che il suo corpo (reale o clonato che sia) stia cedendo: sembra che sia lui stesso ad animare il proprio cadere attraverso l’uso della Forza. Sfortunatamente, ciò che il Sith ha pianificato per Rey è sicuramente una delle più grandi delusioni del film.

Tutti i Sith vivono dentro di lui, quindi vuole che Rey lo elimini affinché possa impossessarsi dello spirito dell’eroina e governare di nuovo la Galassia. Il suo piano è decisamente ridicolo: perché sarebbe disposto a morire così, quando ha già creato con successo il Primo Ordine? Il suo desiderio di riportare l’Impero al suo antico splendere ha senso, ma ciò non fa altro che renderlo l’ennesimo cattivo monodimensionale.

Cosa non funziona: L’identità di Rey

Nel bel mezzo del film, viene rivelato che Rey è in realtà Rey Palpatine, la nipote dell’Imperatore. È una rivelazione interessante per certi versi, ma anche una svolta narrativa che non sembra del tutto necessaria. I genitori di Rey erano nobili (suo padre era il figlio di Palpatine) e l’hanno venduta per tenerla lontana dal Sith, il quale ha sempre bramato di portarla al Lato Oscuro.

Si tratta di una rivelazione che non sembra funzionare, soprattutto se messa in relazione alla scena finale del film. Dopo aver seppellito le spade laser di Luke e Leia nella fattoria dei Lars, una donna anziana chiede a Rey come si chiama e l’eroina risponde “Rey Skywalker”: è sicuramente un momento pensato per celebrare gli Skywalker, ma è innegabile quanto sia involontariamente buffo.

Cosa funziona: La battaglia con le spade laser

Si possono recriminare tante cose a L’Ascesa di Skywalker, ma l’azione nel film non viene mai a mancare, soprattutto quanto si tratta di mettere in scena delle grandi sequenze di battaglia.

Uno dei momenti culminanti del film è sicuramente il duello con le spade laser tra Rey e Kylo Ren in mezzo ai resti della Morte Nera, mentre l’oceano si scatena intorno a loro. È un momento tesissimo ed eccitante, forse non così orchestrato alla perfezione come le battaglie che abbiamo visto nella trilogia prequel, ma che sicuramente farà la gioia dei fan.

Cosa non funziona: Il tradimento del Generale Hux

Uno dei maggiori problemi del film è sicuramente la leggerezza con la quale sono state gestite alcune svolte narrative importanti, come ad esempio quando si scopre che il Generale Hux è in realtà la spia all’interno del Primo Ordine che ha divulgato una serie di informazioni alla Resistenza. Si tratta di una svolta spiegata male, alla cui base non sembra esserci una reale motivazione (Hux vuole solo che Kylo Ren perda?) e che non ha alcun tipo di impatto reale sulla restante parte della storia.

Hux si rivela un traditore ma viene ucciso poco dopo: alla fine, le sua azioni saranno utili soltanto alla fuga degli eroi, cosa che probabilmente sarebbe potuta accadere anche senza il suo intervento.

Cosa funziona: L’addestramento Jedi del Generale Leia

Nel film assistiamo ad un bellissimo flashback in cui vediamo un giovane Luke addestrare una giovane Leia, flashback che ci permette di scoprire che il Generale aveva rinunciato alla sua spada laser perché aveva avuto una visione della morte di suo figlio.

Si tratta di un momento che i fan erano ansiosi di vedere… sicuramente, la spada laser di Leia diventerà un must-have per tutti i collezionisti della saga. Peccato che lo stesso trattamento non sia stato riservato alla storia dell’Imperatore e al suo ritorno.

Cosa non funziona: Le morti dei personaggi

Se c’è la morte di un personaggio che funziona davvero bene all’interno del film è sicuramente quella di Ben Solo. Il modo in cui si sacrifica per salvare Rey è tanto commovente quanto straziante e il bacio che i due si scambiano suggerisce in che direzione si sarebbe potuta evolvere la loro relazione. Il fulmine di Palpatine che si riflette su di lui e lo trasforma in cenere aggiunge ancora più coerenza e dignità alla morte del personaggio.

Ciò che non funziona sono le altre morti apparenti disseminate lungo tutto il film. Quando pensi che il sia morto perché Rey ha usato impropriamente la Forza, in realtà si scopre che il Wookiee era solo su un’altra nave. E quando pensi che C-3PO si sia sacrificato in nome di un bene più grande, ecco che viene fuori che R2-D2 è in grado di ripristinarlo; e ancora, quando pensi che Zorii Bliss sia morta per mano dell’Ordine Finale… in realtà è sopravvissuta, ma alla cosa non viene fornita alcuna spiegazione.

Cosa non funziona: Rimediare agli errori de Gli Ultimi Jedi

Non si può negare che Rian Johnson abbia commesso alcuni grossi errori ne Gli Ultimi Jedi, ma gran parte di ciò che ha fatto – sia nel bene che nel male – ha preparato il terreno per ciò che abbiamo visto ne L’Ascesa di Skywalker. Se da un lato il film di Johnson sembra che venga omaggiato da Abrams in molti modi, dall’altro il regista sembra volerlo mettere da parte, dando più volte allo spettatore la sensazione che L’Ascesa di Skywalker sia un sequel diretto de Il Risveglio della Forza.

Il personaggio di Rose interpretato da Kelly Marie Tran non è stato particolarmente amato dai fan, ma nel film di Abrams diventata davvero un personaggio di contorno: neanche la sua storia d’amore con Finn riesce a conquistarsi lo spazio giusto all’interno del film. A quanto pare Abrams e Chris Terrio hanno preferito continuare a struggere Finn per Rey, piuttosto che approfondire la sua storia con Rose.

Cosa non funziona: I Cavaliere di Ren

La trama de L’Ascesa di Skywalker è costellata di MacGuffin e di momenti particolarmente intriganti. Ciononostante, ai Cavalieri di Ren sarebbe stato opportuno dedicare una maggiore attenzione, invece che renderli delle semplice pedine sullo sfondo.

Cosa ha spinto Ben Sono a diventare Kylo Ren? Chi sono i misteriosi guerrieri del suo esercito e perché si rivolta così facilmente contro il loro capo? Sono domande che hanno trovato risposta in una serie a fumetti a loro dedicato, ma non sul grande schermo. Così, i Cavaliere di Ren finiscono per non avere alcun impatto sulla trama… per non parlare del fatto che non sono neanche protagonisti di chissà quali epiche sequenze d’azione!

Fonte: ComicBookMovie

Cinefilos.it – Da chi il cinema lo ama.

Star Wars: L’Ascesa di Skywalker, cosa funziona e cosa no nel film di J.J. Abrams

ATTENZIONE: L’ARTICOLO CONTIENE IMPORTANTI SPOILER SU STAR WARS: L’ASCESA DI SKYWALKER Star Wars: L’Ascesa di Skywalker (qui la nostra recensione) sta ricevendo alcune tra le critiche più contrastanti che siano mai state riservate ad uno dei nove film della “Saga degli Skywalker”: ciononostante, è sicuramente un film destinato ad aprire un profondo dibattito e del […]

Cinefilos.it – Da chi il cinema lo ama.

Stefano Terracina

#Cinema

0 notes

thedamiansmith · 7 years ago

Text

Why I Truly Hate The Last Jedi

To forestall any conjecture and either sate your curiosity or warn you off entirely I’ll preface this post with a summary up front - Star Wars: The Last Jedi is one of the worst films I have ever seen. And beware for thar be spoilers ahead.

I hate it. I know that’s a strong word and one I’ve used wantonly in the past, but in this case I can’t think of another more accurate. I hate the film. I don’t merely dislike it. I find the very fact that it exists offensive. My life is worse for having seen it.

The film has drawn no small measure of controversy. Fans and critics alike seem polarised, they either love it or hate it, with not a lot of middle ground. Ergo there has been no small measure of discussion on this controversy. It’s this discussion that has driven me to add my own two cents to the melee, because at no point have I seen a post that grasps the problem at hand.

The discussion over why people dislike the film is dominated by a false dichotomy: there are those that didn’t like it because it was too far removed from the films that had come before and there are those that didn’t like it because it was too similar to the Star Wars films of old.

Whilst arguments could be made over why The Last Jedi is similar to the Star Wars of old or why it is far too different (a view I personally hold), this entirely misses the point. Regardless of where it sits in regards to the pantheon of Star Wars, The Last Jedi is, in and of itself, a terrible film.

Independent of the franchise it represents The Last Jedi is a clunky, ham-fisted, under-written and over-directed, unmitigated shit show. At its best it is clumsy and at its worst it is infuriating. If I had to sum it up in a word I’d call it “stupid”. The decisions that director Rian Johnson has made with the film just don’t make any sense.

I don’t say this lightly. I have a powerful suspension of disbelief. I’m willing to forgive most plot holes, I’ll quite creatively retcon even the most glaring oversight and content myself with my in-universe explanation (my favourite film is Pacific Rim after all). The Last Jedi doesn’t allow this. It is a 155 minute bombardment on your ability to disbelieve.

The film starts off strongly. In a bold move it opens with a joke and surprisingly it pays off. Poe Dameron’s prank call of General Hux is genuinely funny. I’ve been a professional comedian for over a decade, I know all the tricks, I can see behind every curtain, I despise most attempts at comedy and that bit made me actually laugh out loud. That is no small achievement.

Dameron then shows off his piloting skills in a daring X-Wing raid on the Fulminatrix in a visually impressive action sequence. At this point the film showed promise. This was flashy and exciting and what I wanted the movie to be. Then it did something unprecedented in a Star Wars film – inertia. Dameron’s X-Wing turns 180 degrees yet preserves its forward momentum until it fires the engines. Actual sound science in a space battle. My excitement at this point was at fever pitch.

And then the stupid starts. And once it starts it never stops. Whilst I was incredibly excited after five minutes, by the ten minute mark I was scratching my head. At twenty minutes I was heart-broken. By 40 minutes into the film I was ready to walk out, the only thing driving me forward was the morbid curiosity of seeing just how much worse it could get. The answer was “a lot”.

I’d like to go into every dumb point in detail, and I have for my own benefit, but the document is currently another 2000 words of dot points and I don’t think anyone has the time to read it (another time perhaps). Suffice it to say that from about five minutes into the film it appears that every character makes the dumbest possible decision they can.

For the sake of brevity I’ll only dive in depth into the two most glaring cases in the film.

First is Luke Skywalker. Everything to do with Luke Skywalker. When we meet Luke it’s at the same point as the close of The Force Awakens, with Rey handing him his father’s lightsaber. After a long moment of silent tension Luke then throws the lightsaber away without a word. All of that buildup for what comedians call a “pullback reveal”. Weak. In case you missed it this is the directorial cue that the audience should be willing to break with the past Star Wars films. Isn’t Rian Johnson subtle?

What follows is an entire act of Luke being an obtuse dickhead for no reasonable purpose. At this point I was still willing to give the film the benefit of the doubt. I’d reasoned that Luke was being purposefully asinine to test the patience of his pupil – as Yoda had once done to him. As the film progressed it became apparent that this level of subtlety was not in play, Luke was just being an ass. What becomes clear is that Rian Johnson has completely abandoned the character of Luke Skywalker and bludgeoned him into an amorphous shadow that he can shoe-horn into his own narrative.

None of Luke’s actions in the film are consistent with the character we’ve come to know. Upon the destruction of his Jedi temple and the deaths of his students he has not come to Ach-To to commune with the Force on some vision quest, he has come to run away from his problems in a way that is completely inverted from the idealistic hero of the original films. The young Jedi who rushed to confront a Sith Lord in order to save his friends is now willing to abandon the entire galaxy to a powerful Dark Jedi because...reasons.

We are then treated to a bit of back story over what happened to Luke’s Jedi academy. When he sensed the growing power of the dark side in his nephew, Ben Solo, he contemplated murdering the boy in his sleep. Luke Skywalker, who walked fearlessly into the Death Star in order to redeem a Sith Lord who had murdered the entire Jedi Order, who had gladly decided to die rather than murder a beaten opponent, this is the same person who would, if only for a moment, consider killing someone in cold blood because they might one day fall to the dark side?

So we’re to believe that in the space of a few decades Luke would abandon every principle he held.

That Luke was willing to kill his own nephew to prevent the rise of a powerful Dark Jedi is one thing, but then when Ben gives himself over to the Dark Side and becomes Kylo Ren, Luke runs away and hides. He was willing to murder his own kin to prevent this from happening, but now that it has he’s not going to do anything about it. Rian Johnson shows here that not only is he abandoning the character of the old Star Wars films, he can’t remain consistent within his own script.

Mix that in with a multitude of scenes of Luke being a grumpy old man, a needlessly rude hermit and, for some unknown reason, graphically milking a space manatee and this entire arc is just offensive.

The clumsy and futile handling of the character of Luke Skywalker is one of the major reasons why The Last Jedi is a terrible movie, but as Yoda once said “there is another”.

Canto Bight.

If you’ve seen the film then you know what I’m talking about, but if you haven’t then I’ll try and paint the scene for you. I say try (I know, I know, “do or do not”) because it’s difficult to get across how jarring and incongruent this sequence is.

The Resistance fleet is on the run. They can’t escape to hyperspace because they will be tracked by the First Order, who will only catch them and destroy them. So they’re flying through space, just out of effective weapons range of the First Order, just staying alive. However the clock is ticking. They’re running out of fuel. They can’t run forever. Why it takes fuel to continue in a straight line in space is never addressed (perhaps the fuel is needed to run the shields? Look I’m throwing you a bone here Rian) nor is the fact that the First Order doesn’t switch from using plasma weaponry which has an effective range to some kind of kinetic weapons which don’t, or just send their fighters ahead. Nor are we treated to a reason why all ships now seem to have the same speed even though every film prior to this shows a mixture of both fast ships and slow.

So Poe Dameron decides to send ex-stormtrooper Finn and random engineer he just met Rose off on a mission to find someone who can get them onto the Supremacy and shut down the hyperspace tracking to let the Resistance escape. Does that sound convoluted? That’s because it is.

So Finn and Rose find themselves on a shuttle travelling to the planet of Canto Bight to find a slicer, instead of using that shuttle and others like it to evacuate the stated 400 Resistance members who need evacuating because of reasons.

And in an instant we go from the incredibly dark and tense pursuit of the last of the Resistance fleet to...a 1930’s style casino! That’s right, everyone is in their best three piece suit dancing the Charleston as if Finn and Rose have just hyperspace jumped into the Great Gatsby. When are then treated to some tell-don’t-show moralising from Rian Johnson on the nature of greed and war before Finn and Rose indulge in a chase scene through space-Marrakesh on space-camels while being pursued by the space-police before they are rescued by Benecio Del Toro’s character DJ who will of course suddenly but inevitably betray them.

If you thought the pod-racing scene from The Phantom Menace was tedious and pointless then Rian Johnson would like you to hold his beer.

How should this scene have played out instead?

Rose: Finn can you sneak us on board the Supremacy to shut down the tracking system? Finn: Yes, I used to be a stormtrooper, I know a sneaky way in.

Rose: Great, for a second there I thought we’d have to go on a pointlessly wacky side adventure where a drunk leprechaun fills BB-8 with coins.

There, I just shaved 30 minutes off the longest running Star Wars film in history.

Of course the stupidity doesn’t stop there, but it does perhaps peak. The rest of the film from then on isn’t offensive because how dumb it is, but because it is just plain seeks to offend. It is Rian Johnson firmly and proudly raising the middle finger to anyone who is a fan of the franchise.

The previous film, The Force Awakens, raised a number of questions. The film was written and directed by JJ Abrams, a man who is more adept than anyone at creating intriguing mysteries without ever bothering to answer them (the magic numbers from Lost spring to mind). The greatest questions springing from The Force Awakens were “who are Rey’s parents?” and “who is this immensely powerful Dark Jedi, Supreme Leader Snoke?”

In the two years since the release of The Force Awakens the internet has been ablaze with conjecture over these questions. Fans were rabid in their search for answers to these major plot points, enjoying crafting elaborate theories as to where the franchise could take these storylines. Hearkening back to the days of “is Darth Vader really Luke’s father?” or “is Darth Sidious really Senator Palpatine?” this conjecture is at the heart and soul of what it is to be a fan of Star Wars.

This is also something that Rian Johnson blatantly and vehemently resents.

It is one thing to chastise fans for the means by which they choose to enjoy the films, though that is bad enough, but it’s another thing entirely to sabotage the middle film of trilogy to punish those fans for being fans.

The mystery of Rey’s parents is answered with a throwaway line by Kylo Ren that they are junkrat nobodies who sold her. Reasonable enough I suppose, and perhaps even the same direction I would have taken the plot line, though perhaps with a bit more exposition. But I can’t get over the feel that this was never the intended arc for Rey’s character, that this is a backlash for the fan speculation over her parentage.

However if the reveal of Rey’s parents was a subtle rebuke by Rian Johnson for the over-zealousness of the fan base, then the Snoke reveal is Rian dancing around naked, swinging his dick at them while waving a giant sign saying “go fuck yourselves”.

Halfway through the film Supreme Leader Snoke is killed off by his student, Kylo Ren. After some impressive displays of his powers with the Force, after the reveal that it was he who had manipulated Rey AND Kylo Ren with his incredible power, that he had engineered proceedings exactly to his machinations in a way that the Emperor could only dream of, he is abruptly killed. No heroic sacrifice, a la Darth Vader. No impressive fight sequence a la Darth Maul or Darth Tyrannus. No exposition. One minute he’s alive, the greatest threat the galaxy has ever faced, the head of a bigger and badder empire. The next minute he’s dead, never to be spoken of again, as if he never existed in the first place.

Not even the most die-hard new trilogy apologist could argue that this was ever the intended direction for the character. That an entire film and a half would be devoted to this great and powerful evil only for him to be written out with the in-universe equivalent of “Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet”.

No, this was a deliberate move by Johnson. This was his objection to the speculation on the character and the nature of Star Wars fans. This was his personal revenge against people actively enjoying the intellectual property instead of passively receiving whatever the film-maker threw at them. He took an important character and story arc and threw them into the fire, writing himself and any future directors into a corner in the process, simply because he wanted to engage in an act of petty revenge and onanism.

And this is the man who has been given the green light to develop his own trilogy.

These are the most glaring examples of idiocy and clumsiness in The Last Jedi. The rest of the film is merely bouncing from one scene to the next with events happening because the plot needs them to happen. The whole venture feels like they went ahead and filmed the first draft. As if at no point a second party has looked at the script and said “why are they doing this? It doesn’t make any sense”.

And even though I’ve gone into such detail on a couple of major issues with the film, that’s probably the main problem with the film. It doesn’t make any sense. None of the decisions made by any of the characters make sense. They all seem to do the dumbest thing possible because that will generate the most drama.

Rian Johnson has obviously read the rule of storytelling that says to create drama you take your characters and challenge them. That you put them in a tree and throw rocks at them, as it were. But he doesn’t know how to do it. He doesn’t know how to make it look natural. So he just clumsily engineers situations where the characters are faced with adversity brought about through their own stupidity or the stupidity of others.

The core of this problem isn’t limited to The Last Jedi. It was present in The Force Awakens and numerous other films as well – the new Hollywood trend of the “writer/director”. Not every writer is a director and not every director is a writer. Some can do both and do it very well – Tarantino for instance is a brilliant slashie. But you can’t skimp on the writers.

The Last Jedi is a brilliant spectacle. It looks amazing. The use of lighting and shot selection to convey story is wonderful at times, if a little heavy handed at others. But the whole film is a delight to look at. It’s just a shame that the story, the core of it, is so very, very poor. It is the result of a director saying “we need to do this and this, go from point A to B to C” without knowing how to accomplish that as a storyteller.

The whole film is an exercise in what could have been. The Force Awakens wasn’t brilliant by any stretch. But it was a lot of fun and it introduced a lot of rich plot lines which begged to be expanded on, deeper mysteries that would have been fun to unravel. Imagine the wonder and excitement we could have had if the next instalment of the story was given to someone who knew what to do with them instead of an obdurate madman hell bent on his own “artistic vision” and driven by a need for petty revenge. If this had been a solo film, without the rich history and lore that burdens Star Wars, it might have been amazing. The terrible storytelling and massive plot holes might never have occurred if such a stubborn director hadn’t been forced to work within confines of a universe not of his own.

But such wasn’t to be. Unlike Gareth Edwards, who created the utterly brilliant Rogue One in an even more restrictive narrative confine, Rian Johnson proved incapable of budging even an inch and the result is a film that is an utter mess and a waste. It makes one nostalgic for the glory days of The Phantom Menace and Jar-Jar Binks, which was until 14.12.17 the worst thing to ever happen to Star Wars.

I think about how much I hate The Last Jedi and I wonder why. I wonder why this movie hurts me so much more than the prequels did, why the disappointment is so much more gut wrenching. It’s because of what it could have been.

The prequels were George Lucas’ baby. It was his universe, his product and he was going to make it his way. That way might not have been the right way, or even a good way, but it was his. Nobody could fault him for doing what he wanted with his own creation. We all knew the man’s ambition outpaced his ability. His greatest excesses were held in check by his ex-wife, Marcia, and when they divorced there was nobody stopping him from doing dumb things like racist aliens, cannibal teddy bears and a 40 minute love letter to NASCAR racing.

But it was his house and he could paint it whatever ugly colour he wanted to.

This new trilogy was supposed to free us of that. We had an opportunity to build on the world he created and take it in new and exciting directions. We had the opportunity to put it into hands more competent than those of George Lucas, thankful for what he created but more thankful for gracefully stepping back.

Instead Disney decided to go in the other direction. They decided to keep Star Wars in the hands of an intractable autocrat and the result is more of the same. A film more notable for its potential and its failings than for its ability to deliver.

But still while that accounts for my disappointment in the film, and for my crippling depression as a result of it, but it doesn’t account for the hatred. I truly do hate The Last Jedi.

The reason being that these new films have wiped the slate clean. They have rendered null and void all of the former Expanded Universe, what is now known as Legends.

In the wake of Return of the Jedi in 1983 there was a great demand for more of the Star Wars universe. What became of the characters? People demanded to know. What was happening in the rest of the galaxy? What other stories were never told? What else was possible?

Writers and storytellers began to fill the void. Some of them weren’t weren’t great, others were laughably bad, but most of them were incredible. Most of them were incredible stories set in the Star Wars universe.

I grew up on these stories. I read and re-read nearly all of the Expanded Universe books, handed down to me from a benevolent uncle who fostered such imagination.

Timothy Zahn’s cuttingly amazing Thrawn trilogy dared to imagine what became of the Empire after the Battle of Endor. Beaten and broken they faced defeat and retreat until they were revitalised by a new villain – Grand Admiral Thrawn, an alien whose intellect and tactical brilliance was fuelled by an appreciation of art. The Thrawn trilogy proved the be the skeleton from which the new canon trilogy was built, although without the panache of Zahn’s writing, while the character of Thrawn was so iconic, so brilliant, he was adopted into the new canon.

The X-Wing series took a background character but fan favourite, Wedge Antilles, and put him front and center. These novels were rollicking tales of the fighter pilots so iconic of Star Wars, with their laconic wit and dashing bravado, racing from one impossible mission to the next. If you enjoy Poe Dameron in the new films (and who doesn’t?) then imagine an entire series of people just like him. The death of Han Solo in The Force Awakens never really resonated with me but decades later the death of Ton Phanan still gives me chills.

There were so many stories of Luke’s attempts to recreate the Jedi Order. His Praxeum on Yavin IV where he tried to mentor students as young and as brash as he once was, all while wondering if his own brief training was enough to prevent him from creating the next Darth Vader. This Luke was wise and caring, confident yet humble. A true servant of the Force who would never have imagined murdering a student in his sleep but would have done all in his power and more to prevent him ever falling in the first place.

These are the true tales of Star Wars. These are the real continuation of the story. And now all of them have been cast aside, destroyed by the myopic treatment of JJ Abrams, who never wrote a story beyond his first movie, and Rian Johnson who never gave a shit about anything other than his “artistic vision”.

That is why I hate The Last Jedi. Not only is it a terribly written story, it is by its very existence an erasure of all of the good stories that came before it, the ones crafted by competent writers who cared for the subject matter. Not building upon what came before but utterly rejecting it out of spite.

It isn’t a matter of whether The Last Jedi was too far removed from the old Star Wars movies or whether is was too similar to them. That doesn’t matter. All that really mattered was that it was a good story. Which it most certainly wasn’t. It was terrible. And if this film was the audition by which Rian Johnson received his own trilogy then I truly mourn the Star Wars saga, for it is in the most unsafe of hands.

For those wondering, because this is what the reviewers all seem to do, this is my ranking of the Star Wars films:

The Empire Strikes Back

Rogue One

Return of the Jedi

A New Hope

Revenge of the Sith

The Force Awakens

The Phantom Menace

Attack of the Clones

The Last Jedi

0 notes