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speakingagain · 1 year ago

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So I got that Shadow Work journal that's all over tiktok, but I got it like 6 months ago and then lost it till last week. I'm good at doing that.

Anyways, i did a few of the first exercises in the book and it asked about things from my childhood that still upset or make me angry. And as I filled out a few pages worth, I realized that I'm mad over something I had no control of from when I was like 6 years old. If I do my math right at 2:30 in the morning, that's 16 years. No. Wait...18? Hold up. 24-6.....18 years. Yeah. Okay, I was close.

Eighteen freaking years of being pissed off. That's shit that you would hear from the grumpy old man dying from liver failure would say. Not a 24 year old. That's a lot of hate to hold onto. And I had several pages of shit I'm still upset about.

I would never have considered myself to be an angry person. Ever. But my examples of "angry people" has been pretty... extreme. My sperm donor (father) is a very angry person. He always has been. I remember we came home one time from getting groceries and he threw a frozen solid box of lasagna at the family dog because it pooped inside because we had been gone for hours and had no way to get outside.

That was one of his calmer episodes too.

My little brother (step that technically doesn't count) used to run around screaming and breaking things because he wouldn't get his way. He once got so mad over something when he got picked up from the bus stop that he burst a blood vessel in his nose and had a really bad bloody nose. I didn't think that was actually possible, I thought it only happened to horny teenage boys in anime.

My soon to be ex husband has the emotional regulation skills of a toddler. He used to boast about how he put another kid's head through a window because they made fun of his sister. Or when his mom's car (that we had been using while she was out of town) got repo-ed, I was on the non emergency line too figure out what happened to the car and he came in screaming and breaking things. The woman on the other line asked if I needed help. That was when I first realized I was experiencing domestic abuse but I thought it was just a moment of weakness and her could change and I loved him so much that I would stand by him through these trials. "But Daddy, I love him!" Right? Yeah I know.

Anyways, that kind of thing was always normal for me. That's what I used to think of when they said 'angry person'.

But that's me. I am the angry person.

Now granted, I never hit anyone, or broke someone's stuff or anything like that. But that's honestly just kind of the bare minimum for being able to regulate your emotions. And I don't want to be angry. I hate being angry. It's so much effort. So I made a plan to work on forgiving.

First, I wanted to learn more about what it actually means to forgive. My father always told me that "God wants us to forgive and forget." And that never made sense to me because of someone hurts you, why would you forget they did it and just let them do it again? Turns out he's actually just a manipulative asshole, who knew?

My ex, when I would call him on his bullshit used to ask me, "how long are you going to hold that against me?" (My favorite was when he asked if we could take turns sleeping on the couch after I found out he was cheating on me for the last 2 years and I laughed and told him 'fuck no'. He genuinely couldn't understand why I would disagree to that, so I told him, "because I wasn't the one who couldn't keep it in my pants". He left the house for an hour and came back pouting.) He also was a manipulative asshole but he was also really bad at it. But him always asking this made me question what the difference is between holding someone accountable and holding a grudge and learning from the pain they caused you.

So I've been doing some research. And there's a lot of differences of opinions on the topic of forgiveness. Mainly between the religious definitions and the basic definition I found in Webster's dictionary. And then there's the psychologic mumbo jumbo to understand too. I actually haven't come up with a solid answer on when it crosses the boundary between remembering and learning from the pain to holding a grudge.

And I imagine I will get probably the same confusing answers if I ask those around me. Everyone has different beliefs and experiences so no one will have the same opinion on it. I'm wondering if it is a subjective concept, and it will have to be something I can only judge in the moment.

Or maybe I'm just still feeling the effects of being manipulated over it. Who knows?

The next step for figuring out how to forgive and move on is to look at things I need to forgive, and figure out if I need to forgive them, or forgive myself. So, I made a shit list.

So far, I have a few people on it because I kept falling asleep while writing it (shh don't tell my boss). I plan on adding more once I have more of a decent brain process and more than 3 hours of sleep.

I had three columns:

Who?

Did what?

Why should I forgive?

And it was really kind of cathartic and eye opening to write down things like "I deserve to be happy." "I deserve to be safe." "I deserve to be seen and heard." " I deserve to be healthy. " My 'Ah-ha!' moment or my 'oh shit' moment I guess.

I now need to decide how I'm going to get myself closure. For example, I can talk to my mom and tell her that her making comments about how much I eat makes me feel like shit and that some things just don't need to be said. But I'm not going to reach out to my sperm donor and say "hey, remember when you called me a wh**e because I wouldn't let you hold my hand?....the fuck you mean no? I moved out that night????" I'd get no closure and I'd probably just end up more pissed off than I am now.

It would be a waste of my time and effort and quite frankly, it would be like talking to a really dumb brick wall. So what else could I do?

Kick him in the shin? That's called assault and I wouldn't make it in jail.

Make a voodoo doll of him and have someone else kick him in the shin? While that sounds hilarious, I don't know any voodoo and I ain't messing with the shadow man.

So maybe I'll just write out a long ass letter and light it on fire while screaming "suck my dick" into the abyss. Seems cathartic enough? I dunno, that one may also require years of therapy. But we will get there eventually. Hopefully.

Any suggestions?

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thekillingjoke-haha · 4 years ago

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Love And Marriage

Spnquotebingo @spnquotebingo

Quote: You don't save a marriage by sleeping with other people.–Lucifer

Mostly Memory: slant/bold. Quote:small/bold

"What the hell, Anthony!" She yelled scaring both brunettes in the bed she shared with him. The women who looked half her age scrambled off the bed in a rush and ran out of the room getting dressed as she ran out the tower. This time she was throwing objects at the genius screaming and swearing every word under the sun. And yes this wasn't the first time, but its sure as hell will be the last. "How could you do this to me!? Time and time again I forgive and you do it again!!" She tried taking control of her emotions, but they over took her and laid everything out on the table.

Tony slipped on his clothes yelling back and forth with his wife. It was a screaming match that all of New York could hear. "Maybe if you weren't such a controlling bitch I wouldn't need to rush into the arms of a women that would get off my back!" He yelled back and she was stunned into silence. Tony continued talking. "Ever since we been together you've been trying to change who I am and I got sick of it, but you were America's golden girl I couldn't dump you. You just couldn't take the hint ,sweetheart." He finished his intoxicated words got the better of him, but drunk words were sober thoughts and maybe this is exactly how he felt after all these years.

"I want a divorce." She said her voice shaking not wanting to cry in front of the man she loved and she thought loved her back. "What?!" He turned on his heels and stared at her the shouting didn't sober him up, but those four words did. "What did you say?" He asked as if he didn't hear her. "I'm through, Tony. I'm tired of this back and forth. You said it yourself your not willing to change your partying playboy ways so I'm through." She said as she went to get her phone to call her brother. "I want a divorce." Those were the final words uttered to him before she stopped talking to him all together taking off the ring made from the metal of his original reactor the diamond glowing the same blue that lulled her to sleep. Y/n twirled the ring in-between her fingers a nervous habit after the years.

Steve got to the tower from his apartment along with Bucky and Sam. His two friends walked into her bedroom to hear Tony shouting and pleading for her to listen to him. Steve went to his sister as his friends pulled the thrashing man out of the room and to a different part of the building so he could cool off. Tony in the end didn't calm down and was getting violent to the point they had to knock him out and by then Y/n was getting packed with the help of Steve

The suitcase was harshly zipped up as she rushed closing it. Tears flowed freely down her face as she packed all her things well all the things she bought herself. She wasn't running, running was for cowards she was escaping before she drowned herself in whatever kind of love she once had with her husband. Y/n breathed in through her nose as her body convulsed with another fit of silent sobs. Trying to calm down she wanted to get think clear. Did she really want to leave? No, but he didn't give her much of a choice. The light tan line on her finger just further proved she wasn't turning back...not this time. Not even for him. Y/n needed time to think without the threat of the end of the world and out from under her now ex's crushing ego.

She was shacking with anger and in grief it happened again and she was done with it all. Tony fucking Stark her husband, lover, best friend cheated on her again for the third time that she knew of. Y/n saw it she was always there at the wrong time almost like he wanted her to see how pleased he was with another. Steve came out of the bathroom with more hygiene products. "How are you feeling? Are you okay?" He asked for what feels like the hundredth time. Steve knew Y/n wasn't okay he could see it and the sight made him want to rip Stark a new one. With a deep inhale she looked up at him with s slight smile as real as she could make it. "I'm okay I just need to get out of here. Fresh air. New scenery if possible." She said as she looked longingly at a picture on the nightstand not noticing that her brother left with her bags while she stared off. The picture was of her fifth date with Tony after being together as boyfriend and girlfriend for two years, a light festival their first openly public date for cameras to capture them together making it official. America's Sweetheart with a Playboy billionaire...that headline alone should have been the first of many red flags.

The memory played vividly in her mind. Her eyes shined like stars as she dragged him behind her. It was still light outside and the small park was crowded. "Come on, Tones!" She said excitedly as she dragged him along. Many people looked at them and whispered, but they didn't care. They spent the night talking about any and everything it felt so natural. Y/n stared into the sky on their picnic blanket having already painted her lantern with a good amount of wet paint still on her hands. "We've been on what feels like a million dates and this seems like the perfect one to ask you. Will you marry me?" Tony said holding a black velvet box with a f/c diamond ring. "I thought you'll never ask!" She pulled him into a kiss paint covering his cheeks as lanterns where released. He kissed back hands resting on her hips. "Let's go home Mrs.Stark-Rogers." Tony said with a smile. "Well come on then Mr.Rogers-Stark." He was once again dragged away. "No no no my name first Steve will not hold that over me!" Y/n giggled as the memory faded into a much older one.

The twelve year old girl was getting her hair brushed by her mother. "Mama what's love like. I know you love daddy so what's it like?" She asked it's been two years since her father died ,but her mother always said she stilled loves him. "Love is a amazing feeling that doesn't happen often and sometimes it can hurt." The blonde women said to her daughter she couldn't tell her wanting love cost more then giving it. "Why will it hurt?" The young h/c girl asked turning around. "You're to young to know right now, but at some point you will." By the time Y/n turned fifteen she learned that loving someone can hurt after she stood next to her brother and best friend looking at the slab of stone that marked their mother's grave.

The first time it happened she was pissed, but not at the right person at the time. The second red flag.. Screams are what filled the house as Y/n threw clothes at the tramp that was in bed with her drunk husband. She was so anger, but that just hid the pain she was feeling three years for him to cheat. After shutting the half clothes harlot out on the front porch of the Malibu home she stormed back to Tony. He stayed in his boxers on the bed looking dazed he was drunk. "Why?" Is all she could ask as tears fell down her cheeks. The billionaire stood up and walked toward her he wiped her tears. "I'll change. I promise." He kissed her head. She believed him she had faith that he couldn't change for them. After all Y/n did the same she gave up being a hero along side her brother because he told her he already worries about getting home to her as Ironman no need to add the stress of not knowing if she'll get home. So she hung up her red, white, and blue catsuit for him.

After a year Y/n sat in her art studio wear she sold her and other rising artist artwork after Tony said she shouldn't paint in the tower,she painted with her brother laughing messing with colors. She was thankful she put down plastic tarp beforehand a giggle rang out when Natasha walked through the door. Without saying anything she drops a magazine on the table of brushes next to Y/n. On the cover was Tony kissing some red head though a window tears welled in her eyes as she wiped her hands he eyes not leaving the cover till it was picked up off the table. Natasha comforted her as Steve took the magazine and paced. " Am I stupid for trusting him? Thinking he would change?" She asked as the waterworks flowed. "No ,if anyone is stupid its him. Ever since he came out as Ironman he thought he was untouchable. God imma kill him!" The red head said while Steve was flexing his hand not wanting to hit any of the stored art pieces. The third red flag for all to see.

The bus rocked back and forth as she looked over at her brother sleeping next to her. They were heading to the airport and he was going to see her off before possibly killing Tony. Speaking of she looked down at her phone and saw dozens of missed calls and hundreds of unread text. She felt that the world was so much bigger after leaving, after getting away from the place that no longer felt like a home. Turning back to the window a memory came to surface as a teenage girl sat on the bus watching old Brooklyn go by. She thought life was so slow she wanted to grow up faster and experience life. Y/n wanted to find love like her parents had. "What are you thinking about doll?" She turned and in Steve's place was Bucky her adoptive big brother. "Nothing important, James." She said with a sigh as the old modeled cares turned back to modern vehicles and yellow taxi's.

Tony woke up and ran around the tower while calling and texting his wife. "Friday track Y/n' s phone. He said as he went to the lab to get in his suit. "She's as NYC airline." The irish voice answered as he stepped into the suit letting it close around him. Before the hatch could open completely he was flying out of the tower to the airport. "Any idea which flight?" He asked wanting to get there before it's to late. "No boss, but the next flight leaving is heading for U.K and boarding in fifteen minutes." Time was running out he needed ever second he could spare. "We'll make it in ten." That night Ironman flew to save whatever he had left.

Y/n held her ticket in her shaking hands her breath uneven. Steve left after the bus dropped her off they said their goodbyes not making the separation hurt any less. Her thoughts came back to Tony all the good times made her smile, but the dark clouds took them over soon after. It felt so right to be in his arms thinking about the future they had with each other within seconds that became a distant memory. What's sad is she wants to go back wondering if she held on to those moments longer they'll last forever. The ring she slipped back on her finger weighed a ton. Y/n didn't have the strength to take it off not for good at least and this made her feel weak. Pain was heavy in her heart from the constant ache, but the little voice kept saying maybe if we tried harder he would have loved us the way we love him, maybe rushing into a relationship wasn't the best idea, maybe he's happier without us ,maybe not telling him about the positive test was the best option ,maybe...maybe.

A hand resting on her stomach she wanted to laugh, but that would have brought on a fresh wave of tears. She started off the day without Tony in bed and sicker then she's been since her pre-serum years. Y/n went to the doctor completely covered form any prying eyes and the test were clear she couldn't believe it she took about ten test in her studio bathroom before heading back to the tower. Howard warned her and Steve that the serum might sterilize them, but at the time both of them were to small and sickly and she knew getting pregnant might kill her anyways so they both agreed to it. Y/n wished she could hug the man today he made her better and let her have a gift she never thought was possible. A baby was growing inside her. Tony never really talked about kids and neither did she since that wasn't a possibility before, but the moment she held five of the clearer test she wanted to rush into his arms and have him be the first to know. That quickly fell apart that evening and now she's here.

The suit landed out side the airport and Tony immediately ran out of it into the building looking through his tented shades he followed the path Friday set for him rushing through security. "Now boarding flight A145 to United Kingdom. Ahora aborda—" The intercom rang out. He was running out of time. There he saw h/c hair one of a couple dozen in line due to the oddly timed flight. "Y/N!!" Many heads turned at the shout while so gasped and whispers started. She looked at him and froze. His eyes looked bloodshot and he wore baggy sweats and a AC/DC shirt. Turning back around she tried to get on the plane quicker, but a hand grabbed her arm. "Please listen to me. I'm so so sorry! I'm a fucking moron okay? I know I just keep screwing up between us and I know you're tired of me saying I'll change, but if it means I keep you in my life I'll do damn near anything." Tony's voice shook as his eyes welled with tears people crowed to see the Starks some seemed to clued in on the subject while others were lost. "You can't fix this Tony. There's nothing to fix between us you said your piece and actions speak louder then words there is no saving this." Y/n whimpered holding her hand in her own.

"I can save us, N/n! Please just give me a chance too. You and me against the world right?" She shook her head no as she looked into his brown eyes with her glassy e/c ones. "Wrong. You just don't get it do you? You don't save a marriage by sleeping with other people. And I gave you more then enough chances to change because God I changed so much for you!! I gave up saving people, gave up painting in the tower, stopped helping Pepper with business, stopped going to briefings, and so much more. All for you and you couldn't do one thing for me." With quivering hands she gently brushed the tears from his cheeks letting her hands go from his shoulders to his hands. "I loved you, Anthony. I always will have a special place in my heart for you, but clearly the same doesn't go for you." Y/n now held one of his hands bringing his knuckles to her lips giving them a chaste kiss.

She let go of his hand as she stepped back from him many of the passengers having already boarded the plane. "Don't say goodbye." He said voice small and weak. "...don't think of this as a goodbye. We just met at the wrong time in the wrong place. Maybe I'll come back to you and just maybe we can start again from the beginning, but until then this is a see you later." She turned and went on board as he stood their feet glued the the floor. Looking down at the hand she held the ring sat in his palm she left him with a piece of his heart while she took the rest with her. What is a marriage without love

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A/n this is the second to last one before the full masterlist is posted. Fyi I wrote a happy ending and if it's really wanted I'll make a short one-shot of it but angst ending for now.

Next quote is a free space and I'm going ham!!!!

#spnquotebingo #tony stark #tony stark x reader #cheating #quote bingo #pregnant!reader #divorce #angst #no happy ending #steve rogers #Rogers!reader #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #heart break

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seonghwahugs · 4 years ago

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two black cadillacs

inspired by carrie underwood’s song of the same name. not proofread.

cw for murder/homicide, cheating

♟♟♟

Two black Cadillacs driving in a slow parade

Headlights shining bright in the middle of the day...

Hyunjin adjusted his tie, foot settled on the brake pedal as the procession prepared to move. Despite sitting directly behind the hearse carrying the body of his late husband inside he felt no loss, no pain, there was no need to grieve. Behind him was another car identical to his own, a 1969 black Cadillac. Who would’ve thought that the other man would own the same car. It was only four in the evening yet it felt so much later, the cloud cover darkening the world around them.

The procession lasted about half an hour, the drive usually much longer with traffic. But, as a funeral procession, the laws of the road were bent and broken to accommodate them. To accommodate the supposedly grieving family, the hearse carrying their body.

If only his family knew what he was hiding.

Hyunjin stepped out of the car, adjusting his long coat and veil. It was unusual for a man to wear a veil but he was always known to do things how he felt was right, not abiding by the standards set around him. It was one of the many reasons he and his husband had fallen in love, bonding over their desire to make their own path and not follow that of another person. He made his way to his mother in law, embracing her as she cried and held him close.

If only she knew what they were both hiding.

Two months ago, his wife called the number on his phone…

“I need to shower, it was a long sweaty day.” His husband had said with a playful smile, leaving a kiss upon his forehead. Hyunjin made a sound of mock disgust as he came close, waving his hand in front of his nose with an exaggerated ‘ew, you smell!’ He couldn’t contain his laugh though, pulling his husband down for a true kiss, melting into the hand that cupped his cheek.

“I’m going now.” His husband said as he pulled away, walking up the stairs to the master bath for a much needed shower. Hyunjin took this time to grab his phone from the coffee table and typed in the passcode, opening the phone app and searching through his recent calls. There were multiple calls made to a single unsaved number, most of them when Hyunjin was already asleep or on days he was out at work. He’d been suspecting something for weeks but his stomach dropped at the thought of his suspicions being correct.

Slipping out to the front porch he hit the green call button, gnawing on the edge of his thumb as the phone rang once, twice, three times, finally being answered on the fourth ring.

“Ah, babe, I thought you said you wouldn’t be able to call this early! I was just about to make some dinner, would you-”

“Who is this?” Hyunjin cut the other man off, his voice cold yet shaky. “Who are you to call my husband babe?”

There was a beat of silence before he got a reply.

“Husband? He..he said he was single..said the man in his photos was an ex boyfriend from high school…” The man’s voice sounded a bit fearful. “I swear to you I’m not a homewrecker, he told me he didn’t have anyone else!”

Hyunjin stayed quiet for a while, thinking over what to say. Everything was beginning to make sense, all the nights he’d wake up in a cold bed, the extended work days, the constant overtime with no extra pay (despite his company policy stating that all overtime was paid.)

“How long?”

“Have we been together?”

“Yeah, how long?”

“Seven months. He..actually just proposed to me a week and a half ago. It looks like a pretty expensive ring too-”

Hyunjin let out a humorless laugh. “So that’s where our money went, lying bastard. He told me his friend needed to borrow some for car repairs. And I didn’t question it, his friend has two little ones and taking the bus with them is a hassle.” He took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before exhaling.

“What’s your name? We may as well know who he’s been with.”

“Lee Minho.”

“Hwang Hyunjin.”

“Hwang? But isn’t his surname Yeo?”

“He’s not going to be my husband much longer. I’m not keeping his last name.”

“Understandable.” There was a long pause from the other, as if he was thinking about something, processing.

They decided then, he’d never get away with doing this to them

Two black Cadillacs waiting for the right time, the right time

“What if we handle this ourselves?” He finally asked, a dark edge to his voice. Hyunjin knew that kind of tone, knew what he was insinuating. And damn, he’d never think to do something like that but he couldn’t deny that it sounded awfully tempting.

“I’ll text you from my number. Let’s meet, you and I.”

The two made their way over to the set up chairs and Hyunjin held the woman’s hand tight, whispering a soothing ‘it’s okay mama, he’s in a better place now. No one can hurt him anymore.’ After about ten minutes of everyone seating themselves and the preacher making his way to the podium, it was time to give the eulogies.

And the preacher said he was a good man…

“Today we are gathered to lay to rest one of the best men I’ve ever known.”

And his brother said he was a good friend…

“My brother, you see, he was an amazing friend. Outgoing and loveable-”

But the women in the two black veils didn't bother to cry…

Everyone around Hyunjin was crying, whether it was loud and sniffly, or a silent tears-and-shoulder-shaking cry. But he wasn’t. He wouldn’t dare cry for that man, not after what he did, how he treated him. Months of lying after they’d agree honesty was the most crucial part of their marriage. When it came time for the burial Hyunjin stood, his disinterested gaze hidden by the dark veil over his face. It’s not like anyone would question his way of ‘mourning’, why would they? Who would think to question the deceased man’s husband?

They took turns laying a rose down…

Hyunjin’s eyes scanned the crowd of people, landing on an unfamiliar man standing in the back, a veil covering his face as well and an umbrella in his hand.

Lee Minho.

Hyunjin nodded for him to come closer, the two gently plucking roses from the pile and laying them on the casket before stepping away to allow others to follow suit.

“Funny meeting you here.” Minho remarked softly, Hyunjin’s lips twitching up at his monotone voice making such a remark.

“Thought I wouldn’t see you after that day.” Hyunjin admitted, turning to look at him. While their eyes were hidden it wasn’t hard to see the crimson red on their lips through the fabric.

“I know. But..I doubt we’ll see each other after this. I’m moving out of the country with my godson, he wants to attend an international high school in France but his parents can’t leave work.” Minho explained. “And, well, it was my car that did it that night, even though you were driving.”

The two didn’t plan to meet for coffee, or a meal, or anything domestic like that. They planned to meet only to end things between them and the man they shared. Hyunjin tricked his husband into thinking they were going on a date, a surprise that the younger man had planned for him.

It would be quite a surprise.

They chose an old bar, a wide alleyway behind it that separated it from an old, abandoned apartment complex. No cameras, no lights, nothing that could identify them. Minho waited around the corner in the passenger seat of his car, leaving it running for the other. It was his husband after all, he should be the one to step on the gas.

Hyunjin parked his Cadillac further behind Minho’s, stepping out of the car and linking arms with his husband. They strode past Minho, the two sharing a look before Hyunjin began speaking to his husband.

“We’re going in the back door, I know someone here and she’s going to give us a private room. I know waiting in an alley is...kinda gross but it won’t be long.” He explained as they turned into the dark alleyway, walking to the end of it.

“Darling you’ve led me into weirder situations, if we get a private room-” He slid his hands down his hips, “then it’s a-okay with me.”

Hyunjin only winked and gave him a sickly sweet smile, toes curling in his boots since he couldn’t clench his fists. They stood there for a couple minutes, the cold biting their skin before the long haired male gasped.

“Ah hell, I left my wallet! I’m going to go get it and I’ll be back.”

“Don’t take too long! I don’t want to miss you too much.” His husband smiled, pulling him in for a quick kiss.

“I won’t be long, just wait here.” And with that Hyunjin was gone, dashing out of the alleyway. He all but ran to Minho and his Cadillac, sliding into the driver’s seat and sucking in a deep breath. The two men were quiet for a minute before daring to do something they’d never thought they would, leaning in to share a deep kiss.

“I guess this is it, isn’t it? We’re really doing this?” Hyunjin asked against Minho’s lips, holding his hand and slotting their fingers together.”

“This is it. Once we do this, there’s no going back.” Minho whispered, kissing him again before sitting back in his seat and slipping his seatbelt on. “Put your belt on, he’s the only one getting hurt tonight.”

Hyunjin clicked his belt into place, put the car in drive, and circled the corner.

The man didn’t even have time to scream.

“That it was. But..I would like to see you at least one more time.” Hyunjin whispered before walking away.

Threw a handful of dirt into the deep ground…

Minho followed closely behind the now widowed man, the two taking turns throwing a handful of dirt on the now lowered casket. They took one last look at it and walked away, allowing others to do the same.

He’s not the only one who had a secret to hide…

They knew life wouldn’t be the same. If they were caught they’d be charged with murder, and even if they exceeded the fifteen year limit they would still live with it on their conscious. But what was done was done and that was the end. No going back. No second chance. They did have each other though, if they wanted, if they were willing.

The two shared a crimson smile and just walked away…

The two waited until they were sure no one was looking, lifting their veils for a mere second to share a kiss, letting them fall back to cover their faces once again. With a dark, thin lipped smile they walked away from each other, towards their separate Cadillacs. No one noticed when the two departed together, tailing each other.

And left the secret at the grave.

#skz #stray kids #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #minho #lee minho #lee know #hyunho #hyunjin and minho #two black cadillacs #this hit me out of nowhere #might do more carrie underwood inspired works #hope you enjoy mwah #seonghwahugs #song inspired

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drethanramslay · 5 years ago

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And ummm.... 77 and 80? For Ethan and mc. Please. Don't kill me 😔 i got it bad

Thanks for the ask @noboundariesplease 💜

#77-“If you want to leave, we can leave.”

#80- "Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner"

You can find the prompt list here.

Taglist: @miyakokurono @trappedinfandoms @openheart12 @sekizincimektup @junggoku @ethandaddyramsey @edith-eggs1 @ethanramseysgirl @samihatuli @loveellamae @x-kyne-x @paulfwesley @zeniamiii @binny1985 @an-urban-witch-ig @ramseyegerton @noboundariesplease @mrsdr-ethan-ramsey @newcolonies @mkamra2355 @unluckygs @choices-love-affair @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @ohramsey @virtualrain202 @squishywizardhq @junehiratas @nooruleman @itsgoingnuts

Warning: There is some fat shaming and this kinda hits home lmao😭

Also, long post 😔

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Momzilla

Leah's hands were trembling as Ethan and her stood on the porch of lavish house. She hadn't met her mom in three years and she would have liked to keep it that way.

She disliked her mom and the list of reasons can go on and on.

Leah's mom had cheated on her father when she was 16. And it nearly broke him. There were days when her brother, Levi and her would stay up to make sure he didn't do something impulsive. Since that day, her father, Liam and her started bonding over their mutual dislike for the said character.

Her father, Ray, was hell of a tough guy. He was ex-marine who worked in a bodyguard company now. For a 50 plus guy, he was ripped and had such an intimidating glare that it gave Ethan a run for his money. But, he always had a soft corner for his mija. If he could, he would move mountains for her.

Same with Leah, they both were as close as best friends could be and he had always been an anchor for her. He was the best father she could have asked for. It had always been this way- her father, Liam and her. The dream team.

She wasn't going to meet her mom after the Thanksgiving disaster but a phone call from her dad, her heart melted and she grudgingly agreed.

"Are you okay sunshine?" Ethan asked as he looked at her pale face.

"Y-yeah. I'm great." She gulped and pressed the doorbell.

Footsteps rushed towards the door and a woman in her late forties opened the door.

"Leah!!" Her mother spoke.

"Uh...um, hi mom." She waved.

She hugged her and then held her at a shoulder's length scrutinizing her. Leah felt so exposed at that moment that she shifted uncomfortably from one feet to another.

"Mija... You have gained weight and you literally have wrinkles. Are you even using the cream I sent you?"

No because it's at the bottom of the bay. Leah thought as anger slowly filtered into her veins. She hated being told that she was too fat or that she was getting wrinkles or the fact that she had to cake herself with makeup.

I am beautiful the way I am thank you very much.

But it still stung that your own mother thought that you were ugly.

Seeing his sunshine's discomfort, Ethan smoothly cut in. "Hola Ms. Alejandro. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." He extended his hand and Leah's mother was starstruck.

He has that effect on EVERYONE he meets. That's not fair... Leah pouted mentally.

Blushing she took his hand and laughed. "My my Leah, you have a fine man. And call me Francesca, Ethan. Please come on in. Food is getting cold."

Leah fisted her hands and walked in but was stop shortly as Ethan's hands grabbed her wrist. "Sunshine I know how you feel about your mother and I can see how stressed you are right now. And don't listen to a single thing she is saying. You are damn gorgeous and I love you the way you are. If you want to leave, we can leave.”

"N-no it's fine. We will just stay for an hour and haul ass. Just promise me you will stop me from strangling her." She muttered as they walked down the gaudy hallway.

"Honey! Is Leah here?" Steve, her mother's husband asked as he came down the steps.

"Hey Steve! How's it going?" Leah asked as she gave him a side hug. He was tolerable.

As they sat down on the dining table, Steve started carving up the roasted chicken. Leah took a plate and served some herb rice, a side of mash potatoes and stir fry vegetables to Ethan. Ethan just smiled softly at the gesture and kissed her cheek in gratitude.

"You two are so cute." Leah's mom said as she poured red wine for everyone but Leah. Leah pasted a fake smile as she grabbed the bottle and filled her glass.

Francesca eyed her disapprovingly but Leah eyes glinted, daring her to say something.

And that's how the dinner went. Leah's mom passing snide remarks Leah's way and Leah just taking them with a fake smile. Steve was totally oblivious and telling some story about his gold mates. Ethan pretended that he actually understood what he was saying, but his hand was on Leah's thigh squeezing it to reassure that he was right there.

Within half an hour, Leah was done with this bullshit. She went to the bathroom to take a break from everything.

God I hate that witch so much...

Leah was just returning from the washroom when Ethan got up and made his way to her. "Sunshine, we need to go."

"Why what happened?"

"This is our chance to leave." Ethan lowly spoke as he handed her, her purse and coat and they headed for the door.

"Oh okay then. Let's get going. Bye mom. Bye Steve. Sorry we can't stay back for dessert. Emergency came up y'know? Saving lives and stuff. Bye!!"

Nope I'm not sorry at all.

"Bu-"

"Gracias Francesca. Have a great night." They both ran out of the house and headed to the street. As soon as they sat in the car they both burst into laughter.

"Damn Ethan that was the smoothest escape you have done so far." As she clicked on the seat belt.

"It's a growth from the time when we both went home the night of the hearing." He chuckled as he put the key in the ignition and turned the car on.

"Oh YAH! You were like-" scrunching her face up so that it looked grumpy and adopting a deep voice, she imitated Ethan "- Dr. Garcia and I are going to the hospital for paperwork and nothing else."

Ethan guffawed and soon Leah joined in. They headed to the ice cream parlor down the street and got some humongous servings of ice cream.

As they sat on a bench in the park, bullshitting back and forth, they slowly sunk into a comfortable silence, with Leah's head on his shoulder.

"Ethan?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for helping me escape... I- I can't deal with her. She-"

"Shh sunshine. I know. You don't need to explain me. I can sense your discomfort from miles away. Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner anyways.”

Leah had a huge smile on her face as they sat there, basking in the Boston breeze, in a deserted park.

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ALSO

I will be posting the 2nd chapter of 'Dead instinct' in a couple of hours so stay tuned in :))

#anushka writes #writing prompts #choices stories we play #choices stories you play #choices oh #choices #playchoices #open heart fanfiction #open heart mc #open heart 2 #open heart #dr ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #ethan jonah ramsey #ethan ramsey one shot #ethan ramsey x mc #pixelberry

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music-es-vida · 5 years ago

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SOULMATE AU - LUCAS/DOYOUNG

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Seven Years Ago…

It was the first week of middle school for you, and you had just changed school districts, so you had no friends. There was this one kid, though- Lucas, who helped you find your way around the school. He was at an advantage because he had an older sister that showed him where everything in the school was, weeks before- on back to school night.

You thought he was the cutest boy ever, and just the fact that he was so helpful made you develop a crush on him, so obviously- you told him that.

Little did he know, you’d end up becoming his best friend.

…

When recess came along, you ate and then followed Lucas outside. Compared to elementary school, recess was pretty dry.

There was only a basketball court and hopscotch marks on the ground. Everyone else was just walking around with their friends, so you decided you wanted to walk around with Lucas.

When you found him, he was busy though.

“Hey,” “Hey, Y/n.. I’m kind of in the middle of-- playing a basketball game right now,” Lucas tried explaining to you as he passed the ball to someone else.

“I know, sorry- I just wanted to thank you for how helpful you’ve been to me all week. I really appreciate that,” “Oh yeah, no problem. You looked lost, so I had to help you,” he laughs a bit, not taking his eyes off the basketball.

“..I like you.”

Lucas freezes when he hears that, and turns to face you with wide-eyes.

“You what-?” He asked, right before getting hit square in the face with the basketball.

..He had to go to the nurse’ office after that.

…

You felt like it was your fault he’d gotten hit in the face- because you’d distracted him, but at least he didn’t reject you (which he would eventually do the next time you told him).

As you were walking through the hallways after being denied entry into the nurse’ office, you turned a corner and bumped into this kid who was reading a book.

After regaining your composure, you scowled at him, saying, “Watch where you’re going, bookworm!” You recognized him from your homeroom- he was always reading some book.

To your surprise, he scowls back at you and blows a raspberry in your face. “Ew- Doyoung, you’re so gross!” You complained, running off to the bathroom to go wipe your face off.

Doyoung rolled his eyes and went back to reading his book.

…

Finally, after what seemed like forever, classes ended.

For some reason, the days at school just seemed longer now.

Since you lived right down the street from the school, your mom picked you up everyday instead of having you take the bus.

As you were walking out of the building, Bruce, who had just happened to come across this same school to enroll Isabella in, was walking up, but quickly hid himself and his daughter around the corner of the building as soon as he saw you. “Y/n goes here?” He panics to himself, watching as you walked through the sea of students to get to your mom’s car. “Sandra…” He muttered to himself. Part of him wanted to go over there and speak to her before she drove off, but he knew he couldn’t.

“Daddy? Why are we hiding?” Isabella asks, wondering why her dad was holding her against the wall like some monster was on the other side. “Oh, um.. No reason.” He answers, letting go of her. “You’re acting weird..” “ I know, I just... I just saw somebody I used to know,” he says with a distant look in his eyes.

“Come on Bella, let’s go back to the car. I changed my mind on this school. We’ll find a better one,” Bruce says, and she stares at him in confusion for a moment, but then shrugs before following him back into the parking lot.

Bruce figured since he was making more money now- sending Isabella to a private school wouldn’t be such a big deal. They could afford it, so why not?

Anything to avoid an encounter with his past...

…

“You have a lot of explaining to do,” Isabella crossed her arms. She was sitting next to her mom on the other couch, across the room from her dad and you.

She had no idea what any of this was about- neither did her brother, Will, who was standing in the corner with Yangyang, Melody’s other son.

“I don’t even know where to start..” Bruce trailed off. “How about with what happened before we got together,” Melody suggests, and he nods.

You still hadn’t looked up from the ground. It was like you were there in the room, but your mind was somewhere else.

“Was I a mistake?”

“Okay, so.. kids— I know I should’ve told you both this long before we got to this point, but.. I wasn’t always with your mother,” Bruce says nervously, obviously to Will and Isabella.

“What?” They both say simultaneously, and Yangyang already knows where this is going since he’d already experienced this himself.

“But daddy, you said you and mom were high school sweethearts, and then also turned out to be soulmates,” Isabella says in confusion. “Seems like everyone’s heard a different version of this story,” you realize, bitterly.

“Yes, that is true- but I left out that me and your mother weren’t always soulmates..” Bruce says carefully, but it confuses Isabella even more.

Bruce pulls out his phone to show them the same picture he’d shown you that day at the car dealership.

“This is Sandra, Y/n’s mom… my first soulmate—”

“Your what?!” “Did you two get married?” The 5-year old asks, noticing the outfits. “Yes we did, Will.. you see our soulmarks?” “Red roses! But yours is pink now..” Will says, making the connection before Isabella did. She was still hung up on the fact that her father hadn’t always been with her mom. She was hurt that he never told them about this important part of his life- even if he did consider it his past.

Melody was silent, but looked at the picture as well. It was making her think back to her ex-husband, and how they used to have matching soulmarks too.

“Daddy, what happened? How did you end up with mom then?” Isabella asks, looking shocked and hurt. “Well, I had been dating your mom when soulmarks came in, but ours didn’t match, so we broke up..”

Bruce continued talking, but you just drowned his voice out since you’d already heard this part.

The part you were waiting for him to get to was the one where he explained how you and Isabella were basically the same age. You knew it involved cheating, but needed to hear him confirm it. “Mom probably doesn’t even know.”

“And Sandra and I ended up getting married..”

…

Two years after Bruce and Sandra got married, he got a call from Melody- to his surprise. He hadn’t spoken to her since they parted ways, all those years ago.

Melody told him that her soulmark changed.

She wasn’t certain of it, but she just had a feeling that Bruce’ had changed too. She knew they were meant to be together from the beginning. As soon as Melody told him, he got up and walked out of the apartment to continue the call. He didn’t want Sandra to overhear anything. Afterall, he’d been hiding his own changed soulmark from her for weeks.

After he told Melody his changed too, she started crying tears of joy, but also of sadness. She didn’t want to leave her family. She already had a young son.

They ended up talking about this for a while, and soon it had gotten late.

Melody suggested they see each other in person to make sure they really matched, and Bruce agreed to it, telling Sandra he was just going to a last minute work conference, and she foolishly believed him.

…

Bruce made a mistake that night.

Maybe it was because they were emotional after seeing each other for the first time in years, - maybe it was because they had one too many drinks.

Maybe it was because their soulmarks matched now, and they thought it would be okay.

They both made a selfish decision without thinking about anybody else but themselves.

Bruce didn’t go home that night.

…

The next morning, when he returned, he was welcomed home by a smiling, yet teary-eyed Sandra, who was holding up a pregnancy test.

As soon as Bruce realized what was going on, he became teary-eyed as well, but not for the same reason. He regretted cheating with Melody. He knew it was a mistake, but couldn’t gather up the courage to tell Sandra what happened.

Instead he just decided to act like it never happened. He tried cutting Melody off, not replying back to any of her texts, just trying to focus on his family- Sandra, and the baby. He didn’t want Melody to think he hated her, but he just didn’t know how else to handle the situation. She eventually gave up and stopped trying to contact him.

…

About a month later, he got another call from Melody- which he ignored, but she was persistent and kept calling him, so he eventually answered.

“What do you want? I told you to stop contacting me- what we did was a mistake! Who cares if the soulmarks changed? We already chose who we’d be with--”

“Bruce, i’m pregnant… It’s yours.” Was all she said, and he dropped to his knees.

Of course this would happen to him. He had to pay for his mistakes.

…

Instead of telling Sandra the full truth, he decided to use the ‘soulmarks changing’ thing as an excuse to leave her. Bruce knew that if Sandra found out the whole story, she'd be so hurt- maybe even sick.. He didn’t want anything to happen to the baby, so he just told her half of the story, finally revealing his changed soulmark to her.

She was in complete shock when she found out. She’d never heard of something like this happening before.

They ended up fighting about it, which led to her kicking Bruce out.

She didn’t really expect him to leave, but she just felt betrayed. He didn’t want to leave either, but knew he had to- if he was going to keep this ‘changing soulmark’ charade up. It was just easier for him to leave her, than to admit to being unfaithful.

…

After he left, Sandra went into a depression.

She hadn’t seen Bruce again until the day you were born— which was the last time she’d see him for years. She told him she didn’t want him around her baby— again, not expecting him to actually leave. She was just saying things because she was hurt.

...

Thankfully, you brought the light back to her life, and she was eventually able to get through the hardships of being a single-mother.

...

After hearing the whole story, you ran out the front door. You couldn’t take anymore of this.

The tears were blurring your vision, and you tripped over your own feet, landing on your knees in the grass. You couldn’t even pick yourself back up, you felt so weak.

“Y/n..” A voice you didn’t recognize said, above you.

It was Yangyang.

He’d told everyone else to stay inside while he talked to you. He explained that he was the only one that truly knew how you felt- but even he couldn’t completely relate- since his mother never abandoned him.

Yangyang knelt down beside you, just patting you on the back softly as you sobbed.

Eventually you looked up at him.

He looked nothing like Melody.

“..Why do I feel like I was a mistake that shouldn’t have happened? Like the soulmarks... What if my dad and Melody were meant to be together all along, and he should’ve never been with my mom?” You ask him. Your lips trembled as you spoke with a shaky voice. Yangyang just shook his head.

He’d had those same thoughts once too, but his parents assured him that he definitely was not a mistake.

Melody was with Bruce now, but she made sure Yangyang knew that she loved his father once, and that she didn’t regret a thing. She didn’t regret having him for a son. It was what he needed to hear— and it was what you needed to hear now, as well.

“Soulmarks don’t make mistakes. Maybe at some point, your mom and Bruce really were meant to be together. And then they had you. Maybe that was the reason they were soulmates.. So you could be brought into this world,” he tells you.

“But i’m not even that special,” “Don’t say that.. I thought the same thing- but my dad told me I was the one who pulled him out of his depression after mom left him. I’m sure you had the same effect on your mother.” He says, and you nod, sniffling a bit.

“Maybe he’s right..”

…

Meanwhile, inside the house, Isabella had run up to her room and slammed the door. Her whole life had been a lie. She thought her parents were the best people in the world, only to find out they’d caused so much trouble.

Isabella already had a strained relationship with her mom before— for what she did to Yangyang and her ex, (After hearing it from her half-brother’s point of view, she began to despise her mom for what she did) but they had recently worked it out, and were starting to get along again. That’s why she considered herself a ‘daddy’s girl’— in her eyes, he never did anything wrong— never messed up. But now, she knew the truth.

She actually felt bad for you. For what happened to you and your mom— getting abandoned like that. “I was a mistake..” she says to herself, plopping down onto her bed.

Her thoughts echoed your own.

She thought she was the mistake, since her parents cheated on their original soulmates.

“What if the soulmarks were never supposed to change?”

She realized that her parents' marks changing had ruined two families.

It wasn’t fair.

…

Eventually you got up and left to go home.

You were still sad, but thanks to Yangyang, you felt a little less broken now.

“So, how’d it go?” Your mom asks, with a hopeful tone in her voice once you got back home.

As soon as she asked that, you broke down into tears again. You didn’t know how you were gonna tell her about your dad's whole other family— about how she was cheated on and never knew about it.

“Maybe I shouldn’t tell her…”

“I probably should because what if she finds out herself, someday, and is angry with me for not telling her..”

“Honey, what’s wrong?” She asks you, looking concerned.

“You were right.. I shouldn’t have trusted him,” you said through your tears. A somber, but knowing look came across her face. She wanted to say ‘i told you so,’ but refrained because she was worried about what happened.

A part of her really wanted this thing to work out. She was sorry that you’d never had a real relationship with your dad, but she just didn’t trust him.

…

After you told her everything, she could feel her blood boiling. Her anger towards Bruce grew- but not even because he cheated and lied about it, but because he’d hurt you so much. “I don’t want you going back to see that man ever again, you hear me, Y/n?” She says in a serious tone with a deep scowl on her face.

You were both cuddled up on the couch, and you looked up at her and nodded.

“You know.. he said he did want me to meet my little brother and sister eventually, but that he wanted to ease into that instead of just telling me upfront.” “Bull.” “I know.. But it’s crazy because he even lied to them— they didn’t even know I existed.” “I’m not even surprised. Once a compulsive liar, always a compulsive liar. He can’t own up to his mistakes unless he’s forced to,” your mom rolls her eyes.

You sighed, getting up for a glass of water.

“Are you okay?” “..I don’t know if I ever will be, mom,” you shrug with a bitter smile. “My own sister is my best friend’s soulmate, and not me,” you said bitterly. It felt weird, saying that you had a sister. “Why?! Why does she get Lucas— and dad? It’s not fair,” you yelled all of a sudden, wondering if you were only brought into this world to suffer, but then Yangyang’s words returned to your memory.

“Soulmarks don’t make mistakes.”

...

After all this drama, you’d forgotten about the party tonight.

Both you and Isabella didn’t even feel like going anymore, but when you’d gotten a text from Aisha saying, “y/n, the party started an hour ago! are you still coming?” you’d decided, “Why not? I need to get my mind off of things anyway..”

Eventually you’d realize this was a mistake, and that you should’ve just stayed home.

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heyyyharry · 6 years ago

Text

In Another Life Series: Chapter 6 - The Princess

…in which Harry invited his assistant Y/N to a red carpet event, and his girlfriend doesn’t approve.

Series description: Y/N and Harry are soulmates and destined to meet in every lifetime, but no matter how many times they reincarnate and find each other again, they never seem to get it right.

AU: reincarnation, soulmate!harry, prince!harry, assistant!y/n, witch!y/n.

Chapter 5 - The Love Triangle: Harry gets back with his ex and Y/N thinks it’s a terrible idea.

Harry felt guilty, very guilty.

He knew he shouldn’t have submitted the song, which was intended to be one for his girlfriend, but then he ended up making it about Y/N - his assistant instead. He wondered if it counted as cheating - to write a song about another girl while you were already in a relationship. He would defend himself by saying it wasn’t actually a love song. The lyrics were just describing a girl who was sweet and kind and had a radiant smile, the girl who made him feel good about himself, the girl who made him feel real, the girl whom he couldn’t stop thinking about no matter how hard he’d tried…

Well, now it sounds like emotional cheating, Harry thought to himself as he buried his face into the palm of his hand. Then he heard Jeff calling out his name all the way from the hallway of the studio.

“This song is gonna be a hit! I just know it!” Jeff marched into the room with a bright smile on his face and pulled Harry into a bear hug. “I’m so proud of you!”

He pulled away, the look on his face turned serious. “Now I need you to finalize it!”

Harry was gonna say he’d changed his mind and that he didn’t want to put this song on the album anymore. However, he didn’t even get a chance to speak.

“Baby!!!”

Harry and Jeff shot their heads to the door, before either of them could figure out what was going on, Harry’s girlfriend - Lillie barged into the room and literally jumped on top of Harry, securing her legs around his waist as she clung onto his like a koala bear.

“I listened to your new song about me! It’s amazing!”

Harry widened his eyes at the girl in his arms, who seemed thrilled to bits. He opened his mouth to speak, but it took him a moment to get the words out.

“M-My song? How did you have my new song, love?”

“Jeff sent it to me.”

“Jeff?!”

The manager immediately raised both hands up in the air as he defended himself by explaining, “Lillie’s also working on a new album, so I think it’s good PR to let her listen to your song. You know, so she’ll get inspired to write something based on the same idea, like a dialogue between two lovers? People love that shit!”

Harry was speechless, he could think of nothing to reply so he stayed quiet.

“I know you wanted to surprise me but when I received Jeff’s email I just had to play the audio!” Lillie told him excitedly and pecked him on the lips. “It was soooo good! People are gonna freak! I’m so proud of us!”

“Yeah…” Harry laughed nervously. He couldn’t tell her the truth now, could he? “I…I’m glad you loved the song.”

Lillie jumped off of Harry then grabbed his face and kissed him hard on the mouth, mumbling against his lips how much she loved him and she couldn’t wait to write a song to response to his song for her.

Now Harry felt like he’d committed an awful crime. He had his girlfriend believe the song was about her when it was not. What was worse was him not knowing how to fix this. If he removed it from his next album she would wonder why and would go to the bottom to find out the real reason. He wasn’t afraid he would get into trouble, he was worried for Y/N. She didn’t sign up for this.

“I’ve got to go now.” Lillie checked her watched and looked up, grinning at her man. “I’ll call you later?”

“But love, you just got here.” He hadn’t seen her in two days and she would just leave after showing up for five minutes!

“I stopped by to say I love the song, but I’m very busy, H. I’ve got an interview and a photoshoot later!” She told him, stroking his hair then laid a kiss on his cheek. “I love you!”

“I love you too,” he said, but the words sounded forced coming from his mouth.

Lillie turned to say goodbye to Jeff then headed straight out of the door without taking a second glance back.

“I’ve never liked her,” Jeff admitted once the door was finally closed behind Lillie.

Harry looked at his friend, very confused, at the same time, annoyed. “Then why did you send her the song? It wasn’t finished and I’m not even sure I want to put it on the album.”

“You are putting it on your next album!” Jeff did a finger gun to his friend. “Believe me, Harold. You’re gonna thank me later.”

Lillie walked out of the studio and her chauffeur and assistant were waiting right outside by her red Maserati. The assistant frantically ran to open the car door for her boss and gave Lillie the hot latte she’d asked for earlier.

“What the fuck is this?” Lillie cringed after taking a sip. She had to cover her mouth so as not to spit it out.

“You told me to bu—“

“I wanted it hot! Now it’s like the North Pole in my mouth! Do you want to get fired?!”

“No, I—“

“Never mind. It’s yours now.” Lillie handed the drink back to the anxious girl, moving the sunglasses she was wearing on the top of her head back down to cover her eyes. “I’ve got a new task for you, Caitlyn.”

“Yes, miss Xander?”

“I want you to do some ‘research’ on the girls my boyfriend’s been associated with recently. I think he has his eyes on someone else.”

“But…I thought he just wrote a song about you.”

Lillie snorted. “I’m not an idiot, Caitlyn. He was clearly describing a different person in those lyrics. I want to find out who. But be subtle, the last thing I need is for those magazines to sense something wrong with our relationship.”

“I’m on it.” Caitlyn quickly pulled out her phone and typed down a reminder. “Anything else?”

“Call Jake and tell him I won’t see him again.” Lillie rolls her eyes, sighing. “I tried so hard to convince Harry to take me back. If he ever finds out about Jake and I, I don’t know what he’ll do. I can’t have him break up with me before my world tour.”

“Okay…call Jake and break up with him for my boss…” Caitlyn mumbled as she typed the words down on her phone. “Anything else, miss?”

“No, you’re good to go. Call me when you get some good news.”

“I will. I won’t let you down, boss!” Caitlyn smiled widely, watching Lillie get into the car, roll up the window on her side and tell her chauffeur to drive away.

…

Princess Emilié was requested by the Prince to meet him in his library. Edward had never asked to see her in private before, so she was very excited. She knew they weren’t allowed to be intimate before their wedding night, but he’d been really cold towards her since they first met. If they were going to get married, that would need to change.

“You asked to see me, Your Highness?” Emilié spoke softly as the guards closed the door behind her. Edward was going through the books on the shelf as he heard her voice and turned around to greet her with a smile.

“Princess, you’re here.”

He put the book in his hand down on the desk and approached her. She expected him to at least give her a kiss on the cheek, but he kept his hands locked behind his back and a considerable distance between the two of them.

“I wanted to discuss with you about my mother’s birthday.”

“Oh, the Queen’s birthday is coming soon?”

“Yes, it’s the end of this month. I think I’m going to organize a ball for her.”

“That’d be very lovely.” Emilié smiled. “I’m sure Her Majesty will be so proud of you. I can help pick out the decorations and the food to serve our guests if you’d like.”

“Great! Thank you.” Edward nodded once before he told her, “My mother loves the color yellow, so I would have our tailor prepare a yellow gown for you for the ball. What do you think?”

“I’m very grateful, Your Highness.”

“Please, call me Edward.” He smiled at her. His green eyes sparkled and it made her heart sigh. He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.

“Do you want to tell me anything else?” She asked.

“No, that is all,” he answered right away, and she’d never been more disappointed. He told her she was free to go and she had no choice but to follow his order and left him alone.

Emilié stormed out of the room, fuming with rage. Her two maids who’d been waiting outside, clearly didn’t expect that reaction from their lady. They hurriedly walked faster to catch up with the Princess to ask if she was alright.

“That little whore! He’s probably planning on fucking her behind my back!” Emilié said between gritted teeth. She wanted to shout it out to the world but she knew she couldn’t. People had been whispering about her being a glass doll on the shelf for decoration, whereas that girl, who had been seen spending a lot of time with her future husband, was the one he truly loved.

Emilié didn’t care whether the Prince loved her or not. It was her name and reputation and power that she worried about. Emilié would be Queen of England once Edward had been crowned King, but she couldn’t risk losing her title if he was to make that peasant girl his official mistress one day.

“I need you two to help me with one favour.” Emilié turned to her maids, eyes burning with fury. “I need you to find out who this girl, Ann, really is. She’s been living in the castle for a while now but all we know is her name and nothing else. I believe she’s got a lot to hide. If I can prove to Edward that she’s not the saint he thinks she is, he’ll have to remove her from Court.”

The two servants exchanged anxious looks before turning back to their Princess. One of them spoke, “if His Highness finds out about this, he’ll have us both beheaded, my lady.”

“Then make sure he won’t find out. I don’t care how, but I demand progress before the Queen’s birthday celebration.”

The two maids swallowed hard when they see the apoplexy written on the Princess’ face.

“That whore might have his heart wrapped around her dirty little fingers—” she clenched her jaw “—but I’m the one wearing the crown.”

…

Harry had a meeting with Jeff and his producer so he wasn’t home that afternoon. However, he’d texted his assistant to come over and try on the dress she’d be wearing to the movie premiere that night.

Y/N arrived at 4PM sharp because she was never late. Harry’s house cleaner let her in and told her he’d left her dress in his closet. Y/N later found out it wasn’t a regular closet. Harry’s ‘closet’ was in fact twice the size of her bedroom. It was like Narnia in there.

She wanted to touch everything, but at the same time she would get in so much trouble for even laying a finger on one of his expensive velvet blazers. So she just admired the masterpieces that he would call ‘his clothes’ from afar and only took what was given to her.

It was a simple black dress hung in the middle of the room. It wasn’t complexly designed, but it felt expensive against her fingertips. Now she was afraid to show up at the event wearing a dress that was probably worth more than her whole bank account could afford.

After a moment struggling with the zipper, she finally put the dress on properly. Y/N stood in front of the mirror, inspecting her own reflection with a small happy smile on her face. She felt beautiful, expensive, and powerful. Then she began to wonder whether Harry felt the same way every time he put on one of his fancy suits, or he was already used to the feeling that he felt completely normal. Maybe she would ask him the next time they met.

Y/N suddenly heard someone open and close the door as they came in. She assumed it was just Harry’s house cleaner. But she was wrong. She nearly freaked when she turned her head and saw Harry’s girlfriend, the famous and beautiful Lillie Xander standing with her arms crossed, watching Y/N with an eyebrow raised.

“Oh…Hi!” Y/N exhaled a nervous laugh.

“Hi,” said Lillie with a friendly smile.

“Wow…uh…You’re Lillie Xander, Harry’s girlfriend…You look even prettier in real life,” Y/N blurted out. She knew she sounded dumb but she couldn’t help it. She had got to get used to seeing celebrities now that she was Harry Styles’ assistant.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N rubbed her palms together and walked towards Lillie, extending her arm.

“Nice to meet you I’m—“

“Y/N, Harry’s assistant. I know,” Lillie replied but she just stared at Y/N’s hand with no intention of shaking it. The poor girl had to withdrew her arm awkwardly back to her side.

“Uhm…my flatmate…she’s a big fan of yours.” Y/N giggled as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “She knows everything about you.”

“Aww, that’s sweet.” Lillie put both hands on her left chest and sighed happily. “I love my fans so much.”

“I’m…sure you do. I’m sorry. It must be weird to find me here, but I swear I’m only trying on the dress for tonight’s event then I’m gone.”

“That I also know. Harry told me you were coming with him.”

Harry didn’t tell Lillie anything. She’d learnt it from her assistant who’d done a pretty good job of digging the information from the people from Harry’s team.

The singer forced a smile, putting both hands on her hips and straightened her back. “I feel so bad for not attending the premiere with him as I’m so busy with my schedules. That must be why he asked you to come.”

“Oh…” Y/N nodded then looked down to smooth a wrinkle on the hem of her dress, which caught Lillie’s attention and made her chuckle.

“Pretty.”

“Thank you.” Y/N’s lips curved into a soft smile. However, Lillie replied to that with a sarcastic laugh, which made the poor girl gawk in confusion.

“I didn’t mean you. I meant the dress,” said the singer as she put a finger to her lip and took a slow walk around Y/N. Her intense stare began to make the assistant feel very self-conscious.

“My boyfriend really knew how to pick out a dress, didn’t he?” She stopped, facing Y/N with a smirk on her face. “And he also knows how to make a poor little girl think she can be someone she’s not.”

“Excuse me?” Y/N had her eyebrows furrowed, yet the look on Lillie’s face remained unchanged. The singer took a step forward, causing the assistant take a step back.

“Harry inviting you to a red carpet event with him doesn’t mean he cares about you,” Lillie said under her breath, just loud and clear enough for the girl standing in front of her to hear. “It’s like charity work for him really, because he’s…Harry. He’s so charming that women cannot help but fall at his feet. Unfortunately, he’s in love with me. So whatever fantasies you have inside that little head of yours, they’re not coming true.”

“Lillie, I’m only his assista—“

“Right.” Lillie stood up straight and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You’re nothing but an employee. That’s why you’re not going to the movie premiere tonight.”

“I am. He asked me to.”

Lillie furrowed her eyebrows as she snorted. Y/N had no idea why she felt intimidated by Lillie. In fact, she could just call Harry right now. Y/N almost reached for her phone on the table by her side, but she immediately got rid of that thought. It would be Lillie’s words against hers, and she already knew who he would believe.

“Wait until the whole world know that you’re a home-wrecker then.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I can just tip off some online magazines about you trying to steal my boyfriend, give them a bunch of money and they’ll write anything.”

“You—“

“But I really don’t have to go that far, I know you don’t want to drag Harry into a scandal. So why not be a good girl and walk away, hmm?” Lillie reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Y/N’s ear, the smirk lingered on her face as she knew Y/N had nothing else to say.

This had never been a competition, but she won anyway.

“You can wear that dress and parade around for as long as you’d like, but—,” Lillie said, staring Y/N down. “Sweetie, it’s never gonna make you a princess.”

“Going somewhere?”

The voice nearly made Ann’s heart jump out of her chest. She looked up from the piles of clothes on her bed and saw Princess Emilié standing at the door.

While the girl was still speechless, the Princess slowly closed the door behind her and marched up to the middle of the room, scanning her eyes around, silently judging.

“What are you doing here?”

“That’s not something you should ask the future Queen of England.” Emilié snorted, yet it didn’t change Ann’s attitude towards her.

“I know no Queen but Edward’s mother. Until you’re legally married to Edward, you’re just a French Princess living at England’s Court.”

“How dare you call him Edward?”

“I’ve called him Edward since the beginning.” Ann rolled her eyes and carried on packing her belongings so she could leave before sunset.

That answer really made Emilié’s blood boil. It took Edward more than a month to decide she could call him by his name, and this peasant girl had been doing so since the beginning? She felt disrespected!

“Are you leaving?”

“Yes.”

This answer, however, made Emilié elated. She couldn’t help the broad smile on her face as she took a step closer to where Ann was standing. “Did Edward ask you to leave?”

“No. It was my decision. If you’re here to tell me to stay away from your fiancé, you’ve got what you wish for. Now please leave.”

Emilié dropped her jaw and raised both of her eyebrows in reaction to what Ann had just said to her. “You cannot speak to me like that!”

“With all due respect, Your Highness, you haven’t been kind to me either. I honestly have no idea why you hate me so much.” Ann chuckled sarcastically as she inquired the girl in front of her. “What have I ever done to you?”

“Besides trying to seduce my fiancé!? Don’t even think I don’t know you’re in love with him.”

“Edward is my friend! If he doesn’t love you, it’s not my responsibility!”

“Oh he loves me.” Emilié snorted, trying to cover up the fact that those words couldn’t even convince her.

“I’m going to be his wife. You? Do you actually believe he cares about you at all? You’re only here because he’s too kind to send away the person who saved his life. Our engagement is not only valid, but it also provides England with a strong alliance. So if he had to choose between you and England, Edward would not think twice to offer your life for the sakes of his people.”

“You don’t know him,” Ann spoke calmly because she knew her composure drove the Princess insane.

“And you do?” Emilié took a step forward, causing Ann to take a step back. “I’m the one who makes love to him every night, while you’re here alone in this room fantasizing about him.”

Ann tightened her fists. The thought of Edward and Emilié in bed caused her very much discomfort if she must admit, yet she just took a deep breath, kept her head held high and replied with confidence, “if he loved you that much, then you wouldn’t be here giving me empty threats, would you?”

Emilié opened her mouth to fight back, but she couldn’t think of anything to say. She had lost, even if she wouldn’t admit it.

A girl like her, brought up in a royal family, so used to being spoilt and winning every game she’d ever played, couldn’t accept the fact that she had lost to a girl with no name.

“I know you have secrets.”

Ann almost froze when she heard those words, and the look of terror which flashed across her face didn’t get past the eyes of Emilié. So it was true, the Princess put on a smirk, Ann was indeed hiding something.

“Secrets?” Ann squinted her eyes, still she was unable to hide the fear written on her face.

“I’m going to find out who you really are, and when the truth is out, you’re going to wish you were dead.”

Emilié turned her heels as soon as she finished then headed straight out of the room, leaving Ann behind utterly shocked and afraid. If her identity got out, not only would the other witches be in danger, Edward would as well.

She had to leave now, as fast as she could.

…

Y/N was bored.

She couldn’t concentrate on the Netflix movie on her laptop because she shouldn’t have been home that night. She was supposed to be at the movie premiere.

She was supposed to be with Harry.

It was a weird thing to say, but she missed him, her boss. That came out so wrong yet it was undeniable he was more than just ‘a boss’. She could lie to anyone but herself that she didn’t have feelings for him, when in face she did, more than her anticipation. She knew he would never think about her that way now that he was in a relationship. However, it wouldn’t hurt if she didn’t tell anyone about her feelings for him. Well, now that Y/N thought about it, maybe the only person she would hurt was herself.

“Why the fuck are you still home?”

Y/N nearly threw herself off the bed when she looked up from the laptop screen and saw Lisa.

“You should’ve knocked!”

“Why?” Lisa gave her flatmate a confused look and sat down on the edge of the bed, tossing her handbag down on the floor. “I was at work, going through Tumblr, expecting to see photos of you and your hot boss being hot on the red carpet but no, Lillie fucking Xander was by his side and I came home to find you in your PJ looking like a disappointment?!”

“Lillie went to the movie premiere?” Y/N laughed wryly. “She told me she wasn’t going.”

“The bitch lied! Ugh, I can’t believe you let her win after the shit she said to you this afternoon!”

“This is not about winning, this is about Harry.” Y/N’s eyes were shifted to her lap, watching her fingers toying with the hem of her PJ shirt. “I…I care about him.”

“If you care about him, please do me a favor and steal him away from that bratty Lillie bitch.”

Lisa’s reaction to the news surprised Y/N but at the same time amused her a whole lot.

“Lis, I thought you were a fan of her.”

“Not anymore. That bitch messed with my best friend, she’s going to hell, rich people hell, if that’s even a thing.”

Y/N chuckled and rolled her eyes. “I almost asked for her autograph to surprise you…well…before she told me I was worthless and threatened to publicly humiliate me.”

“I don’t want her autograph!” Lisa cringed, but after a second thought she changed her mind. “Okay, maybe I do, I can sell it online and take you out for dinner.”

“I love you, Lis!” Y/N threw her arms around the older girl’s neck and pulled her flatmate into a hug.

Lisa hugged her back just as tight, saying she loved her too, then pulled away, looking slightly puzzled. “But wait, did you tell Harry you weren’t going because of what his girlfriend said to you?”

“No, I told him I was sick.”

“You sure look like you are.” Lisa sighed and rose from the bed then told Y/N she was gonna take a bath and then make dinner for the two of them.

But Lisa didn’t go for any longer than fifteen minutes. Suddenly, Y/N heard her flatmate scream out loud from the living, causing her to almost run out to check if her friend was okay. The moment Y/N set her feet down on the floor, she heard a familiar male voice speaking to Lisa outside.

“I’m here to see Y/N.”

Y/N hurriedly ran to close and lock her bedroom door as Lisa told Harry that she was in her room, too sick to come out. Standing with her back against the door, Y/N prayed that Harry would just leave after he’d heard that news, even though she knew someone like him would never.

There was a knock which soon followed by Harry’s raspy voice.

“Y/N, can I come in?”

…

“Ann, it’s me, Edward! Can I come in?”

Ann started freaking out when she heard his voice outside her small cottage. She ran to the door, placing her hands on it, trying to debate with herself whether she should just let him in or send him away.

“What are you doing here? Why did they let you go into the woods this late at night?!” She asked.

The Prince laughed as he heard her. Oh, how she loved the sound of that. She missed him, and she wanted to see his face, even though she knew it would kill her to look at him knowing he would never be hers.

He shouldn’t have come here.

“I snuck out like I did last time.”

“And last time you ended up in a hole!” Ann laughed quietly, resting her forehead against the wooden door. “Edward, you must leave, it’s not safe here.”

“I’m not leaving until you come with me.”

“Edward, ple—“

“Tell me the truth. Why did you leave?” His voice sounded almost desperate, it broke her heart. She wanted to believe he cared about her, that he loved her as much as she loved him. Nevertheless, she couldn’t feed herself more hope for a love that would never be true. She must be insane to even think there was a way for them to be together.

“I already told you the truth.”

“No you haven’t, at least not all of it.”

She left, partly because of the prophecy that if she stayed she would put her own life at risk, mostly because she couldn’t stand watching him marrying another woman. She’d rather be dead then have her heart broken by him.

“Just—Just go, Edward. Go home.”

“I would leave everything behind for you, you know it.”

“Don’t say things like that!”

“Why?”

She stayed quiet. If she’d said another word, she would burst into tears.

“I…I love you, Ann.”

Ann thought she’d misheard him. This couldn’t be truth.

Did he just really say he loved me? He must be out of his mind! Said the voice inside her head.

As if the Prince could read her mind, he immediately argued with her thought, “I’m not insane. I love you. Why don’t you say something?”

She bit her bottom lip, trying to steady her breath.

After that, she finally opened the door.

There he was, standing right in front of her, as beautiful as ever. His green eyes flickered in the moonlight when he saw her face. They held each other’s gaze for a long moment, and Edward couldn’t stand the silence for another second.

“Please…say something,” he pleaded, needing to hear her tell him how she felt about him. He needed to know if he should stay or head back to the castle with a broken-heart.

Ann felt her hands trembling and her breath heavy. Fear etched on her face as she stared at him.

“I…”

Don’t Ann. No, don’t say it

“I love you, too.”

She’d said it.

The moment those words escaped, she felt relieved instantly, like a heavy weight had been lifted from her chest and she could finally breathe again. However, she had a feeling this would be the start for a lot of troubles lying ahead.

Edward, on the other hand, had the brightest smile on his face, he was on edge of tears when he heard her say those four words. He took a step closer, reaching out to hold her face gently between the palms of his hand, treating her like glass, as if she was delicate and breakable.

“Am I allowed to kiss you?” He asked, only a breath away from tasting her lips.

She didn’t hesitate before nodding her head constantly.

And they kissed, for the first time.

It was sweet, because she loved him and she’d been dreaming of this moment for the longest time, yet it was bitter, for she was doing what Madam Maggie had warned her not to.

Little did she knew, that kiss had turned her whole world upside down.

…

“Y/N,” Harry called his assistant again, knocking on her door a few more times because she didn’t answer him. “I know you’re still awake, your lights are on.”

Y/N squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her jaw, thinking how stupid she was to not turning off the lights. He would’ve left if he’d thought she was sleeping.

“Harry, shouldn’t you be at the after party right now?”

“I ditched Jeff and went to see you. Are you alright?”

Y/N ignored his concern and carried on with another question. “What about Lillie? I heard she was going too.”

“Lillie was only there to walk the red carpet. She disappeared right after.”

Y/N knew it! Lillie only wanted her photos on the news walking the red carpet with the love of her life. She acted like she was so besotted with him but in reality all she cared about was his fame and her own.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Harry repeated the question, pulling Y/N out of her own thoughts.

“I’m doing better,” she replied, smiling a bit at how caring he sounded.

She wondered if he’d showed up because it was a right thing to do or he really cared about her wellbeing.

“Can I come in? I brought you soup.”

“Uh…No! Don’t come in.” Y/N backed away from the door and pretended to cough. “The doctor said I’m contagious. I don’t want you to be sick as well!”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad, please let me see you.”

“Just leave the soup in the kitchen. I’ll…I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Harry released a laugh when he heard her. “You’re not going to work tomorrow if you’re still sick, Y/N.”

“I always recover very quick, don’t you worry.”

“If you’re still unwell tomorrow, I’m taking you to my doctor.”

“You don’t have to.”

“That’s the least I can do for my assistant, right?”

She sighed, not knowing what to say. She wished he hadn’t been so kind to her, maybe then she wouldn’t be feeding herself false hope for a relationship they could only have in her dreams.

“Y/N?” Harry broke the silence between the two of them after a few seconds.

She wished she could see his face, maybe then she could guess what was on his mind.

“Hmm?” Was her replied.

He didn’t answer right away, so she assumed he was debating whether or not to tell her something. She felt her heart pounding inside her chest.

“I…” he began, taking a long pause, she wondered why. “What I want to say is…”

“Yeah?” She took a step forward, placing a hand flat on the door. She wished what he was about to tell her was exactly what she’d been wanting to hear.

However, this wasn’t a movie.

“I wish you had gone to the premiere with me.”

“Oh…” She couldn’t say she wasn’t disappointed, yet she felt like it was better this way. So she faked a laugh, he couldn’t see her face to tell she was only pretending.

“It’s okay, there would be other events for me to attend with you.”

“Yes…Uhm…I guess I’m going now,” he said at last.

She’d been waiting for that sentence ever since he got here, but now she didn’t want him to leave.

“Okay.” It was a lie. She wasn’t okay, not even a little bit.

“I’ll see you tomorrow? If you feel better…”

“Okay.” Stop saying okay, what is wrong with you?! The voice inside her head scolded herself as she shut her eyes and exhaled deeply.

“Goodnight, Y/N. Call me if you need anything.”

“Goodnight, Harry,” she replied.

Y/N heard his footsteps fading away and finally his muffled voice speaking to Lisa, saying his goodbye to her flatmate. Now that he couldn’t hear her anymore, she could finally confess what she knew he wasn’t allowed to know.

“Harry…” She whispered under her breath, for only herself to hear. “I’m in love with you.”

#harry styles #harry styles writing #harry styles series #harry styles blurb #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #boyfriend!harry #prince!harry #assistant!y/n #witch!y/n #soulmate!harry #reincarnation!au

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tabloidtoc · 5 years ago

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Globe, September 9

Cover: Queen Elizabeth ordered Jeffrey Epstein’s murder to protect Prince Andrew and save monarchy

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Bryce Dallas Howard, Melanie Griffith, Mario Lopez

Page 3: Richard Gere, Josh Brolin, Kristen Stewart

Page 4: Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx are through

Page 5: Miley Cyrus flaunts lesbian fling but Liam Hemsworth is seeing a girl too, wedding bells for Ryan Seacrest

Page 6: Dolly Parton’s boobs are killing her

Page 7: Michael Madsen ordered to complete community service in a hospital morgue, Wendy Williams barred from 50 Cent’s birthday bash

Page 8: Kiefer Sutherland forced to postpone the European tour for his latest album due to injuries after he fell down the stairs of a double-decker bus, Ronda Rousey wowed her 9-1-1 series castmates by finishing out a scene after slamming her middle finger in a door breaking it and nearly severing the tip

Page 9: New Patrick Swayze family feud explodes

Page 10: Gwen Stefani orders Blake Shelton to quit eating meat and lose 20 lbs., Patricia Altschul gets sent risque pics by potential suitors, Mama June Shannon and her former jailbird beau Geno Doak selling everything in sight

Page 11: Real Life

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Sarah Hyland, John Cleese and wife Jennifer Wade, Amy Schumer hits back at troll who asked how she’d cope if her son Gene has Autism Spectrum Disorder, Kate Upton insults Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, Gwyneth Paltrow’s new show The Politician deals with rich folks buying their way into college

Page 13: John Travolta, Sharon Stone, Kourtney Kardashian posted an unretouched bathing suit shot, Mick Jagger insists hotels provide him with a brand-new mattress that’s been slept on by a staffer with the plastic wrap still on

Page 14: David Foster joined new bride Katharine McPhee on stage to comment on their age difference, Fashion Verdict -- Jenna Dewan, Jane Seymour, Kate Bosworth, Chrissy Teigen

Page 16: Johnny Cash slept with June Carter’s sister, Heather Locklear sent to treatment instead of jail after plea over attacks on lawmen

Page 17: Lena Dunham says she and ex Jack Antonoff were a total taste mismatch in the Brooklyn pad she totally decorated and furnished

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Liv Tyler, Mike Tyson burns through $40,000 worth of weed from his California cannabis ranch each month, Sharon Osbourne says husband Ozzy Osbourne wept after their son Jack revealed he was getting divorced

Page 23: Khloe Kardashian wants to look like sister Kim Kardashian, Lamar Odom has quit porn and his new girlfriend Sabrina Parr says he’s scoring more in the bedroom, Robert De Niro sues ex-employee for Netflix binge while on the job

Page 24: Cover Story -- The Queen executed Prince Andrew’s pal Jeffrey Epstein

Page 26: Princess Beatrice puts wedding on hold because the Jeffrey Epstein scandal is too much for her

Page 27: Prince Harry’s diva wife Meghan Markle would have made Princess Diana’s skin crawl

Page 28: Larry King getting a deathbed divorce, Keanu Reeves has signed on for the 4th installment of The Matrix

Page 30: Health Report

Page 36: Dale Earnhardt Jr. and family cheat death in plane crash terror

Page 38: Real Life

Page 44: Straight Talk -- TV dad Todd Chrisley is a hypocrite

Page 45: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill renewing vows on their 23rd anniversary

#tabloid #queen elizabeth #jeffrey epstein #prince andrew

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c-rankin93 · 8 years ago

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SHE'S NO YOU - Ch.12

A/N: I'll apologize now for this chapter. It's only a filler, and I'm horribly sick so 100% didn't go into this and I'm disappointed, but as long as you guys like it I'll be happy. This chapter is a set up for a dramatic scene that is about to take place. This is where everything starts to unravel and secrets don't stay hidden for long. P.s: the story is also coming to an end soon. Not now or within the next few chapters but soon. --- CHAPTER TWELVE: TO BE CONTINUED --- RAE POV: I don't understand why I never took up smoking. I mean, when Finn gave up smoking I was happy he was no longer sucking on the cancer stick, but now looking at my brothers puff away whilst adamantly talking between each other, I was intrigued. I decided my social side needed a little extra kick. "Anyone going to share their cigarette." I didn't ask anyone in particular. All conversation cease to exists after I spoke, the curious gaze of my three brothers followed my hand as I moved it around between them. They obviously didn't get the hint that I wanted them to pass one over so I dropped my hand. "You don't smoke" Robert stated flabbergasted. No shit sherlock. "Shove it. I just found out my ex-husband didn't cheat on me so my divorce was a mistake, my boyfriend is hiding something from me, and Finn's psycho ex-girlfriend just destroyed my office. I need a cigarette" I grabbed the white stick from between Robert's fingertips and inhaled deeply. The smoke stung my eyes slightly, and they watered instantly. Did I mention this was a good idea? No? That might of been because of the disastrous coughing fit I was suffering from at the moment. My lungs felt like they were on fire, and it didn't help the situation when Mark and Julian were acting beyond immature right now. They could shove their laughter right up their as- "You right there sis?" Robert patted my back as the coughing subsided. "How do you do that to yourself?" I gagged when the after taste hit me. "Eh, it gets easier the longer you do it" Julian laughed and flicked his cigarette into mom's roses. Well I hope he doesn't want more children, because when mom finds it tomorrow he's not going to have a set of balls. "Do you feel better now?" Mark teased still puffing along. "Nope" "Maybe you should try something a little stronger?" "Mark don't even go there! No need to expose her to your celebrity lifestyle" Robert hissed throwing a punch into Mark's arm unexpectedly. "I think I'll just keep drinking mom's shitty wine. Seems to be doing the trick just fine" I tipped back the contents of my glass, just like my life it became empty. Our 7 children were currently in bed, along with our parents and Robert's wife Maria. It was nearing 12am, and the night was still young. Even if we had just spent the day eating, drinking and laughing. It felt good to reminisce about our childhood like we use to, before our lives separated us. I had finally admitted the reason behind my quick divorce, all the way to the events that occurred today. I felt as though I was at an AA meeting the way they gathered around me, whilst Tomas, kept all the children entertained. I left out the sex of course that happened between Finn and I, that was something that would never pass my lips in a conversation with my brothers. My mother didnt feel like the details of the conversation was enough for her, she had hinted a few times that she wanted more details tomorrow morning. I shuttered just thinking about that conversation. I felt like a cow on the way to a slaughterhouse. "You know you could of told me. I could of been there for you Rae." I looked up, meeting Julian's eyes. This was the first reaction I had gotten out of Julian or Mark, before it was just a sigh and nod. Sighing, I took the seat closest to Robert. The bomb fire was roaring, the heat kissing my skin perfectly. Julian and Mark sat across from us, It was the start of an intervention after buttering me up on mom's happy juice, nice move brothers. Well played. 'Well I better make it a good show' I scoffed internally. I poured myself a large class of ròse, the longer I stalled the longer Julian had to wait for his answer. An answer I was still formulating. "No I couldn't of told you, or you.." I said pointing to Mark. "You would of killed Finn without a second thought, and I wasn't risking that. Finn is a very profitable business man in New York, I wasn't risking your freedom. You, Julian had Parker to think of! And you mark had a booming career! What do you think the media would of said, huh? They had a field day when they caught wind of Finn and I's divorce, could you imagine the stories they would spin if you two where involved. No! I was not letting that happen" I smiled sadly. "And you were there for me Julian, more then you'll ever know. You were going through a shit marriage yourself and you still rang me 3 times a week, 7pm Sharp. You were my underpaid shrink." "And you chucky!" I smirked at Mark. "Sending me freaking phone numbers of different actors you know and the lovely phone calls I got at random times of the week and day. By the way, I still have Leonardo DiCaprio's number saved on my phone and I'm thinking if it goes tits up with the two that I have now, I'll give him a call" I laughed draining the bitter liquid down the back of my throat. Mark swiped my bottle and starting to study the label. "Is this shit like true serum or something? I was dating this chick a few months ago and she drinking this piss. It's the reason we're not together anymore." "Mark don't be a dick for once in your life" Julian grabbed the bottle much to my protest and sat it near his feet. Great, my big brother was cutting me off. There was no way I was going to start drinking the scotch Robert was sipping at, I want to wake up alive and out of hospital. Oh! The humanity... "Yeah I understand that Rae. It just hurts to know you kept this secret from us this long, that you were hurting and I knew nothing about how deep it was effecting you." "I understand your mad, bu-" "Damn right we're mad!" Mark interrupted; narrowing his eyes at me. "But! I love you two too much. I wasn't dragging you into my mess." "You decided to bring him into it!" Mark pointed a finger in Robert's direction irritated. "I was her lawyer dipshit." Robert said rolling his eyes. "So! You would of been madder then us! You were buddy-buddy with the guy weren't you? Surprised you didn't tie him to a chair and set him alight!" I shuddered remember Robert's reaction to the news. He had splintered his home office glass table with his fist, requiring 4 stitches. The curse words that flicked of the end of his tongue were just as lethal. His job was the only thing stopping him, because I sure as hell wasn't doing a good job. "Trust me mark it wasn't a good day..." And Robert was right, that memory entered a category was deep in the back of my mind, into a not to be opened box. I nearly rang Finn scared for his safety that day, If only I did make that call. "Ohkay! Ohkay! We get it. The situation was fucked, you panicked and we were kept in the dark for good reason. I get it! I'm sorry you had to deal with that crap alone, and as your big brother I'm allowed to feel shit about it" Julian huffed. "And really he slept with Olivia Clark?" I nodded at Mark. "Man, I remember her. I dated her sister in high school, Bianca or someone. She was so fucking preppy, and happy-go-lucky all the time. I thought she's was going to kill me with the brightness of her teeth alone, so I broke up with her. God she was pissed!" "Its because you can be a real dick sometimes. I'd be pissed too" I hissed. To which only made Mark laugh more. "Its wasn't like it was anything serious. She knew I was moving and didn't want long distance." Mark replied. He was never one to choose his words wisely, always the one to say what he was thinking no matter the consequences. He probably broke the poor girls heart without even realising. "Anyway! What are you going to do now?" Robert asked seriously turning to face me. "Well I'm going to start by having dinner with Gregory tomorrow night. I'm going to tell him what's going on." It seemed to be the only way that felt right. Maybe his reaction will give me a clear cut answer. "Well I'm going to call Finn and set up a nice little dinner date then" Julian spoke like it was the most obvious thing to do. "What? No!" I stood proudly. There was no way I was going to let that happen. "Why? It's not like he ended up doing the dirty deed, so you don't have to worry about his life and all that shit Rae" Mark stated. "I didn't care if he's innocent! No! Why would you need to talk to him anyway?" Jesus this was going nowhere. "Its what men do Raymond" Mark smiled cheakily. Then dashed towards the house yelling something about using the toilet over his shoulder. It was a distraction. I knew that know, he kept me occupied until Julian could do the unthinkable. "Finn, it's Julian Earl here. I'm sure you remember me. I think it's time that us boys and you to have a little chat." I need the ground to swallow me whole now. --- FINN POV: Turns out Oliva decided to fire my housekeeper after maria asked one too many questions about my disappearance. Which doesn't surprise me really she had been my maid for the past 6 years, and after much groveling and the promises that she will never work around Olivia again she came back to work for me. My apartment was now polished and put back into its original condition. One less thing I had to worry about. My parents and archie had stuck around long enough to see the back end of Olivia storm out the door in a rush. Whilst chop on the other hand still hadn't left the confides of my lovely home. He states it's because I need protection for when the psycho knife wielding bitch comes back, but I think security can handle her. It's been a few days since I had kicked her to the curb and she hasn't once tried to call me. Her parents and sister had, but their numbers where blocked the moment their caller ID flashed before me. Her mother was an airhead, father a closet drunk, and her sister a snarky bitch who wants more then she can afford. I had no time for the Clark family anymore. Chop through me a glance over his shoulder, I hadn't stopped pacing since the news came through that Olivia had shown up at Rae's work, thank God Izzy and Chop were still on speaking terms. I had tried calling calling Rae numerous times, not once did she pick up the phone and that made me worried. "Calm down Finn, she will be fine. Knowing Rae she needed to calm down before hunting Olivia down. Told you she was a psycho!" Chop smirked. He was not helping my mood or the situation at hand at this point in time. If he wasn't my best mate, I would of most likely laid him out by now. Grinding my teeth, I just flip him off and continued pacing. Chop's phone 'dinged' and his burst of laughter had me puzzled. "Don't worry champ. Rae's fine." "What do you mean fine! How do you know?" I said pulling up a chair. "Izzy told me she's at her parents house in New Jersey. She had some unexpected visitors." "What visitors Chop!" "Her brothers are in town." "What did you just say?" "Izzy said her brothers have come to visit her. Apparently Linda rang them saying she was worried about Rae" he explained. That didn't make me feel any better. "You mean Mark and Julian are in New York? Plus Robert?" Chop nodded and continued to text. I hadn't seen Julian nor Mark in 3 years, they visited as much as possible but because of mine and Rae's busy schedule we found it hard to go to them. I knew Robert still lived in New York, his firm was a thriving success. The last time I had laid eyes on him was during the court hearing when our divorce was finalised. Ill be honest if he wasn't my ex-wife's brother and didn't loathe me, I would defiantly have him represent me. I had managed to avoid her side of the family for as long as I could, but with all 3 of them back in New York, and Rae and I on such good terms it was only a matter of time before I saw them again. Suddenly, my phone started ringing. I scrunched my nose up at the unfamiliar number and answered, secretly hoping it was Rae. "Hello?" "Finn, it's Julian Earl here. I'm sure you remember me. I think it's time that us boys and you to have a little chat." Gulp. "Sure." -- A/N: sorry for the poor editing. I'm really not well haha! Love you guys 😍😍 What explosive thing is going to happen in the next chapter? @lily-pop-2 @milllott @milymargot @lurkernolonger @l88cym @i-dream-of-emus @arathewallflower @mmfdfanfic @luly310 @tinakegg @hey1tskat1e @eveerez

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hamilton4laurens · 8 years ago

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One Last Time

Pairing: Alexander Hamilton x fem!Reader

Summary: Alexander is having an affair on reader and wants a divorce but the Reader asked one last thing of Alexander before they go through with it.

AN: I read this thing on FB which gave me the idea. And you are Alexanders wife in this. MODERN AU!

Words: 2821

Warning: Angst, cheating/affair, some fluff, death, sickness _________________________

The front door to the house opened as a slightly disheveled looking Alexander walked in, setting his briefcase down on the floor by the door. You walked to your husband with a smile on you face.

“How was work today?” You asked giving him a small peck on the cheek, pulling away you noticed the hickey he was trying to hide under the collar of his shirt.

“Y/N we need to talk…” His eyes traveled to Philip who came into view. “Alone.” He told you. You looked at Philip.

“Sweetie why don’t you finish up your homework in your room so your father and I can talk?” Looking down at your son the curly haired boy nods and ran off to his room. It was silent between you and your husband before clears his throat.

“I can’t do this anymore Y/N I want a divorce. The past couple of months have been rough…..I met someone.” He admitted as your eyes glaze over.

“I know.” You whisper, wiping away the tear that fell down your face. “What’s her name?” You ask.

“Maria. She’s Mr.Washingtons secretary.”

“Do you love her?” You then asked.“

“Y/N-”

“Just answer the question!” Your voice raised as you stood up, fists clenched. Alexanders face hardened as he stood as well.

“Yes. I do.” He stated walking over to his briefcase he opened it and took papers out before walking back over and handing them to you. Looking over the pages it were the divorce papers. Closing you eyes your throat choked on a sob that you were suppressing.

“Please don’t do this….what about Philip?”

“I’ll still see my son. I want to be part of his life.” He stated. You clutched the papers in your hands and looked at your husband pleadingly.

“I’m not going to sign it.” You stated dropping the divorce papers on the table. Alexander shot you a glare. “I’ll do it just not now.” You sat back down with a sigh. “I promise I’ll give you a smooth divorce on 2 conditions.” You stated. His eyebrows shot up.

“You’re really bargaining now?” He asked confused.

“Damn it Alexander its the least you can do for me after everything. I’m not asking for much.” Alexander punched the bridge of his nose then removed his glasses from his face.

“What are the conditions?” Sighing in defeat he sat back down as well. You smiled weakly at him.

“Wait until the end of the month to leave and to tell Philip. These exams are important for him, I don’t want him to fail because of us. I want him to pass this without worrying about anything.” You explained the first condition, looking at your soon to be ex husband he nodded in agreement. “The second thing…I want you to carry me to the front door from our bedroom every time you leave for work, like how you did when you first carried me into this house when we first got married.” Explaining this to him his face remained the same face he always had when he was thinking.

“For a month?”

“Until his testing is done.”

“Fine. I think I can do that.” You smiled weakly at him

“I’m going to go start dinner.” You stated, standing up.

Dinner was quieter than usual. The silence was deafening. The clashing of silverware was the only noise throughout the dinner.

After dinner Philip helped you with the dishes as Alexander went to his office to call Maria.

You laid on your side of the bed, as you silently cried for many reasons. The clock read 2am when Alexander finally came to bed. Quietly he changed, the bed moved as he got in, pulling the blanket on him he fell asleep quickly as tears continued to to slide down your face.

You were awoken by someone shaking your shoulder. Grumbling an incoherent response you rolled over squinting your eyes, allowing them to adjust to the light. Alexander stood there looking somewhat annoyed.

“Come on, I gotta go.” Nodding you through your blanket off and stood up. Alexander swiftly lifted you up. Alex’s eyes widened in shock at how light you were. I mean sure you had some meat on your bones but he didn’t remember you being this light. Brushing that aside he carried you out of your shared room, carefully went down the stairs. Philip was watching tv in the living room before he went to his bus stop. Looking over he grinned at the sight of his parents and that his dad was carrying his mom.

“Pa why are you carrying mom?” Philip asked curiously. You and your husband looked at each other before Alexander looked back at his son with a small smile.

“To show how we care for one another.” Alexander told him though it was for the most part one sided. Philip smiled happily as you were set down by the front door.

“Have a great door at work!” You smiled at him, pulling the act in front of your son. Alexander did a curt nod your way before saying goodbye to his son before he was out the door.

The first week of the routine it was awkward and tense between the two of you. The second week the both of you were more relaxed and made very little small talk, Alex even cracked a joke which made you laugh which made him laugh as well. Philip was happy because his parents looked so in love in his eyes. Day by day Alexander noticed you feeling lighter but he figured he was just getting stronger.

Maria and Alexander got into another fight by the end of the second week, she claiming the requests you made were ridiculous and that you should just sign the divorce papers. Alexander argued back it was only a month and that he would come see her that night.

The beginning of the third week was the same as always except this time Alex had a little more hop into his step as he carried you. He forgot how beautiful your eyes were and how adorable you looked when you’re caught off guard, and boy did he miss it.

“Have a good day.” He said that morning, giving you a small smile before going out the door.

He hasn’t said that to you in months. You couldn’t help but smile to that gesture but then frowned. ‘It was only temporary,’ you thought to yourself.

The rest of your day involved you laying in bed doing nothing, too tired to do anything. She had nothing to worry about because no one was home.

That night you ordered pizza for dinner, too tired to make dinner. Philip and Alexander weren’t necessarily complaining.

After dinner you were going to clean and put everything away when….

“Let me do it. You look tired.” Alexander stated, not looking sparing a glanceat you as he put the plates in the sink.

“Don’t you have work?

“Yes but that can wait at the moment. Go relax.”

“Okay.” You walked out of the kitchen. Two more to go.

The alarm on Alexanders phone went off indicating it was time to get ready for work. Reaching over he grabbed his phone and shut off the alarm. He rolled over to his back and stared at the ceiling. Looking over you we’re facing him asleep. Hesitantly he reached over and wiped away a strand hair that was on your face. His hand snapped back to him when you moved but to his relief you were still asleep. A bad feeling stirred inside him as he finally started to take notice how skinny you were. Dark circles ringed your eyes, your cheeks more hollow and paler in color. His hand found its way to your cheek, lightly rubbing his thumb under your eye. Subconsciously you leaned into his touch, sighing in content.

Taking his hand away Alexander got out of bed to get ready for work. He past a picture that hung in his bedroom. He took a step back and looked at it. It was a picture of Y/N in her wedding dress, Alexander had his arms wrapped around her from behind kissing her cheek as Y/N smiled widely. Guilt twisted in his mind, his fists clenched. He looked back at Y/N before finishing getting ready.

Y/N was in a peaceful sleep finally, able to fall to her serenity an hour or so after Alexander. It was all torn away when she was awoken.

“You ready?” Alex asked her, his voice quieter than usual. You nodded, sitting up. A wave of dizziness swept over you. “Are you okay?” A hand was on your back, looking up Alexander looked at you worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You mumbled, pushing yourself up off the bed. The hand never left your back before you knew it you were scooped up in his arms. A wave exhaustion hit you. So you rested your head on Alexander’s shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind. But what you didn’t see was the small smile which graced his lips. Reaching the door Alexander wished the distance to the door was a little bit longer. Setting you down gently, you stumbled a bit. Hands quickly grabbed your waist until you could steady yourself, haven’t even realized you were gripping Alexander’s suit.

“Sorry.” You mumbled, avoiding his gaze. Taking your look in, he saw what drew him to you in the first place. Your eyes. Your beautiful E/C eyes that use to hold so much happiness and joy in them. Now…that light dimmed and held sadness and shown how tired you were.

“Y/N.” Alex’s voice was quiet. Your eyes met his, looking with confusion. He looked like a fish opening then closing his mouth, trying to find the right words to say. And yes for once in Alexander Hamilton’s life he did not know what to say. He was speechless. Before any words can escape his mouth his phone rang incessantly in his pocket. Sighing in frustration he released you and dug his hand in his pocket, pulling out his phone.

“ What?” He snapped at whoever was on the other line. You jumped in surprise. “No, I’m about to leave. Yeah I’ll be there Laurens. Okay bye.” He gave you a small guilty looking smile. “I guess I’ll see you later.” Picking up his briefcase he quickly grabbed his car keys.

Lips suddenly met yours before he ran out slamming the door shut. You stood there staring at the door in shock.

Alexander didn’t realize what he done until he sat there in his car.

“Oh shit.” He looked back at the house.

You raised your hand, lightly touching your lips.

Alexander came home late that night. Bags hung under his eyes. All he wanted to do in that moment was to go to bed.

But that night he couldn’t sleep. All he could think about was you and that kiss from that morning. Maria was not happy with him. Of course he told her. They fought again that week and every fight they had those 3 weeks were about you.

He was confused about everything so he told Maria he needed a break from her. Alex thought back to the night the affair began, he was drunk and wasn’t thinking clearly. That wasn’t the last time they met obviously, they had secret meetings at her apartment or elsewhere.

He felt terrible the first month of the affair but with Maria’s persuasive words she convinced him not to be thus falling under her spell but now he feels like he can think clearly.

A week was left. By the end of it Y/N is to sign the divorce papers and he will move in with Maria but now with the break he does not know how long it will last he’s not sure where he’d go.

The morning and day was the same, get up, get ready for work, carry Y/N to the door, go to work, drink coffee, work, work, argue with Jefferson, work, talk to Washington, work, argue with Jefferson and even more work then finally go home.

He loved his job don’t get him wrong there but he felt content when it came to carrying his wife to the door he felt what it was like to see her again. See her the way he had when he first fell in love with her, proposed to her, married her and had a child with her.

He loves Y/N. He loves her.

Maria didn’t show up for work the next few days. Alexander didn’t want to tell Y/N of his revelation until he broke ties with her officially but she wouldn’t call/text her back, he even went to her apartment but she wasn’t there. He knew it’d get messy if he didn’t end things with Maria before going back to his beautiful wife.

And finally Friday came. The day which ended the month. The last day of Philips exams.

You couldn’t move from your side of the bed. Alexander was happier than usual you noticed, you believed it was because he doesn’t have to be here with you anymore. But you were strong.

And arm wrapped around your waist in bed behind you.

“What are you doing?” You asked Alexander. He smiled removing his arm.

“Oh, nothing.” He stated getting out of bed to get ready as you laid there staring at the blank wall. It was the day. You felt it. It was going to happen and no matter what it was going to happen.

He set you down on the couch today, he was concerned because you were deathly pale.

“Maybe you should go to the hospital.” Alexander said. You brushed it off. If it was going to happen you want to be in the comfort of your own home.

“I’m just sick, I can take care of it myself.” You stated.

“Are you sure? I could-”

“Can you hand me a piece of paper and a pen please?” You ask him. After getting what you needed you smiled weakly at him.

“Have a good day.” Was all you said to him. He nodded telling you to get better before he left. Tears slid down your face. A sob escaped as you cover your mouth trying to make sure Philip wouldn’t hear but it was too late.

“Mom are you okay?” Philip raced in, he hugged you. You hugged him back as tightly as you can.

“My son.” You whisper. “I love you so so much, just remember that.”

“Mom what’s going on?”

“Sh don’t worry about it now. Good luck on your exam today, okay? Make sure you have everything.”

“I know, I know.” Philip pulled away. He kissed your cheek. “Bye mom get better I love you!” He shouted as he raced out the door. You leaned back into the couch and continued to cry, gripping the pen in your hand.

The crying made you more tired then you already were. But you had to write your letter.

My Dearest Alexander,

Alexander came home early that day. With a bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand he ran up to the house. Opening the door he noticed how deathly quiet it was.

“Y/N?” He called your name but got no response. Searching the entire first floor he found nothing, so he went upstairs to your shared bedroom. Out of breath he stood in the doorway of your room with a hand over his chest. You laid in bed your back facing him, thinking you were asleep. “Y/N.” Alex said your name calmly. You didn’t stir. A smile quirked on his lips still believing you were asleep. HE went around to your side and stood there in shock at the sight of you.

Your skin was even paler than they were that morning, your cheeks hollow, your eyes sunken. His heart pounded in his chest, a disturbing feeling in his gut. Setting the flowers down he kneeled besides you.

“Y/N?” He whispered, grabbing your hand but quickly removed it because of how cold it felt. “No. No, no.” He said to himself grabbing your wrist, checking for a pulse but found none. “You’re not dead.” Pressing two fingers along your neck still no pulse. Alexander cried out. Scrambling on the bed he pulled you to his chest begging for you to not be dead. His tears were relentless. “Baby I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This is my fault. I love you, please know that, I love you.”

Alexander blamed your death on himself but he couldn’t do anything.

You were sick, the doctors told you, you had two months to live and for the last month of your life you just wanted to be in the arms of the man you loved, one last time.

#alexander x reader #alexander hamilton #hamiltrash #hamilton x reader #Hamilton #death #alexander Hamilton fanfic #Alexander Hamilton imagine #philip hamilton #lin-manuel miranda #anthony ramos #one last time #alexander hamilton x fem!reader

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barbaras-mermaid-cove · 8 years ago

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Barbara and Francesca's Tour of the City

Rated: PG for some trauma references.

Pairing: Barb/Fran or Barb/Mel; up to interpretation.

A/N: You know what? I’m going to post this story here, too. While Barbara still can be explained/redeemed, and all... Enjoy, and review if you want...?

Summary: Since Barbara is heartbroken about her previous relationship, Francesca has decided to take her on a tour of the city to cheer her up. Meanwhile, Mel spends the holiday with someone else, unaware of the true reason his wife left, and Bob does his best to escape the hospital!

Barbara, a tall beautiful woman with short green hair spoke to Francesca, a black-haired Italian woman she'd met outside a comedy club. Both women were now separated from their husbands, but they were once the respective wives of Sideshow Mel and Sideshow Bob, the current and former sidekicks of a TV clown. Francesca had been separated for a long time, but Barbara had just separated and the wounds were still fresh. She'd not only been emailed evidence that she'd been cheated on, she'd also been told what to do over the phone by a mystery voice. She'd left a letter on Mel's chair and had to leave the house with her possessions. The voice had started off neutral, but it had taken on a threatening tone. She could never look Mel in the eyes, she just left. It was better that way. "And on top of everything else, the cops have finally arrested my sister, Lucille." The tall, green haired woman said. Francesca listened to Barbara talk, as they both stood waiting for the tour bus together. The former nodded as she spotted their bus. "There it is! Now, Barbara, come with me, and I will-a make you smile! This tour will-a cheer both of us up!" ... Now, Krusty the Clown once mentioned his sister. He'd felt kind of sorry for Mel, so he decided to let his sister spend the holidays with him. Little did Mel know, Krusty was sort of shifty, and he'd much rather Mel spend the holidays with his sister, than with some prissy journalist wife with a perpetual rod up her spine. (How nice did he really have to be in order to not get a negative rating from her?!) Krusty's sister, whose name was Judy, helped Mel move the new bean bag chairs to the sides of the couch. The new chairs were a gray-green colour and just big enough for one person to sit on each one. Mel's kids had chosen them. Some kids dreamed of starting a rock band, his kids dreamed of bean bag chairs. Judy got a text from her brother, Krusty. "Hey, Jude. I'm frying in here. What should I do?" She answered, typing, "Turn down the temperature of the hot tub." Krusty, who was currently on stage, looked taken aback. A few audience members laughed at his expression. Krusty noticed. He texted back to his sister, "Ha-ha. Will try that." He may as well use that joke, while he was at it. Judy glanced over at Mel, now relaxing on the couch. His kids slumped down on the bean bag chairs. She smiled at them, before looking back at her phone. "Krusty- it's not the same without you. Can you drop by later?" After about three seconds, he responded. "Sure. Since Mel's ball-and-chain's gone, sounds like a blast." ... Francesca had heard of Bob's being in the hospital. He'd slipped on the ice and injured his leg when buying a present for Bart, of all people. The two had made a truce ever since the summer, when Bob decided to go clean. Bob also had a new girlfriend. The ex-wife imagined Bob in that hospital room with that woman, and her heart couldn't help feel a pang of envy. She drummed her fingers on the metal windowsill of the bus. As much as she wanted to convince herself she was over Bob, she still missed him. She couldn't help imagine Bob and that woman sharing a New Year's kiss. As upsetting as it was to think about, the gentle sound of the finger drumming helped calm her thoughts. She looked over at Barbara, hoping for a distraction. The other woman was wearing a slim lavender jacket, light indigo pants, and black boots. Francesca wore a blue-green jacket, a grey skirt/pantyhose and fluffy white boots. "It's no use. Everything reminds me of him." Barbara admitted. On the bus, there were a few men carrying strangely shaped cactuses, which looked exactly like Mel's curly 'up-do' hairdo with a bone in it. "Come on, dearie, smile," Francesca coaxed. She put her arm around her waist. "There is so much to smile about!" At noticing Barbara's skeptical expression, she motioned out the window. But right at that moment they rode by a poor, shady neighbourhood. "Oh." Barbara saw, and turned away, crossing her arms around her waist. She looked glum as ever. Francesca had to keep trying. They got off at their first stop. It was a small area, with a small park. It had over a foot of snow on the ground. The trees were bare of any leaves, skeletons of their former selves. Francesca decided that maybe starting out here and then working their way towards the city would be good. A few kids were making snowballs. Hmm. Maybe a snowball fight would lighten things up, Francesca thought. Before she could hatch any more ideas, the kids pointed at Barbara. "Hey," A brown haired boy, around eight, said accusingly. "Aren't you the potty-face that left Sideshow Mel?" "Yeah!" The other kids said. Not waiting for an answer, the kids pelted the woman with snowballs. "Ahh! Ooh!" She cried, ducking for cover. Francesca saw, and ran over. They hid behind a tree. "Hey!" Francesca shouted at the kids. "A woman has-a every right to leave her husband if he sleeps with the other women!" The kids threw another arsenal of snowballs. It hit the tree the women were hiding behind, hard. That did it! Francesca made a snowball with her mittened hands and jumped out from behind the tree. "You just-a proved my point!" She yelled. She threw the snowball and it hit a tree next to one of the kids, even harder. The bark had a small dent in it. The kids dropped their snowballs and ran for it. Francesca was about to run after the kids, but Barbara held her back. Still looking fierce, the brunette yelled after them. "And don't-a come back!" ... Sideshow Bob was in the hospital. The pain in his leg from when he slipped on the ice was getting better. His girlfriend had visited him, and that had cheered him up, but now visiting hours were over and he was all alone. He didn't care if he had to walk in order to get out of here. He'd show them! He was strong as steel and three times as tough! There was nothing he wanted less than to spend the holidays in a hospital room!! Bob moved to the side at a 45 degree angle. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and began to walk. The pain enveloped him and he collapsed to the floor. Too fast. He'd gone too fast. The shooting pains in his leg prevented him from making another try. His face contorted in agony. He slowly pulled himself back up into bed. His chest rose up and down as he caught his breath. He would try again later. ... The women stopped by next to a department store. In the center-stage there was a performance going on. It was an all-female, slapstick version of Hamlet. They even had the original stick that made a comedic slapping sound when it hit someone, without inflicting any real damage to the actors. Francesca and Barbara stayed for a while, enjoying the performance. 'It's too bad Roberto wasn't here to see this,' Francesca mused. 'He would have loved this...' 'Mel loved Hamlet...' Barbara thought. 'Oh, if we were still together and I was in something like this... he'd swoon.' After it finished, the women clapped, along with the other spectators. The performing women were selling the slap-sticks in a booth next to the stage. Barbara and Francesca talked it over, and decided to buy a couple. You know, just in case. Meanwhile, Gil was having trouble making a sale on a broken snowblower. Barbara decided to help him out, and bought it from him. Maybe she could fix it in the garage, at home. Well, in any case, it was good to help out a man who needed the money. His grateful smile was thanks enough, she decided. Gino tugged at his mother's skirt, pointing to a stuffed toy he wanted. Francesca was surprised. "An elephant? Since when do you like elephants?" Gino replied, "Is not for me. Is for her." He pointed to Barbara. He must have noticed the woman's sadness too. So Francesca bought the toy for Gino to give to their friend. Barbara beamed. She wasn't expecting any gifts, let alone being supported by anyone. She thanked them gratefully, holding the stuffed elephant in her arms. Her grin, the Italian woman had to admit, was rather cute. Almost childlike. Their next stop, after exiting the department store, was the hospital. Barbara knew that the Terwilligers still missed Bob and wanted to wish him a Merry Christmas. So, they walked together to go meet with him. ... Bob got up again, his toes peeking out from under the blanket. The pedicurist had been so kind as to do his toenails. She'd added paint; it was a simple clear coat, but still nice. Made his toes look shiny. Sliding out of bed, he began to walk. With each step he realized it was easier than before. He couldn't wait to tell the nurses! His Lady would drop by again that day. The thought of her long black hair with silver shines through it made him sigh happily. He noticed someone at the door. It was a woman with long black hair. She entered through the doorframe. Eep! He suddenly made a step and pain shot throughout his leg. He collapsed, more startled than in pain. Okay. He didn't mean /that/ woman with long black hair. "F-Francesca. I wasn't expecting you." Using the bed as support, he pulled himself to his feet. He tried showing emotional distance and nonchalance. "Bob." She used his stage name. It must have taken him by surprise as his emotional nonchalance melted away. "Yes?" Should he use 'my dear,' or shouldn't he? They weren't married anymore, but it was only polite. Would she see it that way...? Perhaps his pain made him overthink it? "M-my dear...?" She rolled her eyes. "Don't look nervous, Roberto. I am merely checking up on you. Here, I brought you a gift. Merry Christmas." It was a triple-size green and red striped candy cane, with a red ribbon tied around it. "Thank you. I'd have bought you something from the gift shop, but, as you can see..." He winced from stepping on his hurt leg again. Francesca supported his weight and helped him into bed. "Roberto... you really should rest now. Don't try to walk on that until it heals more." Bob saw her stern eyes, and nodded. "And don't disobey, or I spank you with this." She showed him one of the slapsticks that she and Barbara bought. Gino, who'd been pretending to be asleep in her arms, chuckled. Bob noticed, and couldn't help smile as well. "Don't worry, Francesca. I promise." He took her words seriously and rested for now. Barbara walked into the room all of a sudden, to meet with Bob too. He looked taken aback. "B-B-Botz???" She put up her hands, trying to explain. "I was. Wait, you don't understand. I'm not Lucille. I'm the younger sister, Barbara!" "Oh." Bob got a close look at her, and saw that she indeed wasn't the famed Babysitter Bandit. "I came here with Francesca. I just wanted to wish you happy holidays, too." Bob nodded. "Happy Holidays to you, Barbara. Hope you don't think I'll of me for fearing your sister." He glanced over at the newspaper article on his desk, which had made her VERY scary. "She and I might actually have made a good team, once." "I've heard about you, Sideshow Bob," Barbara admitted. "And I believe you would have." "Indeed." Bob agreed. His hand reached out for a glass of water next to his book, which was a copy of Machiavelli's "The Prince." After sipping his water and putting it back, Bob sat up. He reached up to hug his son, who was no longer pretending to be asleep. A fatherly warmth spread out in his heart. He also hugged his ex-wife. Then he shook the hand of his tall, green-haired new acquaintance. "It's been a pleasure." He said, as he watched the clock indicate that visiting hours were now up. He waved to the group of three as he pondered on the fact that his friends made what could have been his worst Christmas ever into one of the best. ... Barbara spoke to Francesca outside the hospital room. "And now I get to meet with my husband." Barbara said, matter-of-factly. "Are you sure it's a good idea?" She nodded. "It's only polite to. And besides, it isn't like Krusty will be there. My kids will be there, though." Francesca took her hand, holding her son with the other. "If he stresses you out too much, my dear, come right back outside. I had planned a big family reunion dinner for us all, but it looks like Bob can't come thanks to that hurt leg of his. But you are free to come back to Italy with me and Gino, for the holidays." ... Barbara arrived at Mel's door. She hesitated about ringing the doorbell. A snowball was thrown at her from off-screen, she ducked, and it hit the door; narrowly missing her head. Wiping the snowball off the door, she took a peek inside the house through the big window. She spotted Mel smiling happily with cocoa in his hands, and the children screaming carols at the top of their lungs. There was a woman as short as Mel, green-haired as Krusty, with yellow skin and a somewhat homely look to her. She sat down next to Mel, smiling and holding a cup of cocoa of her own. Barbara turned back to the door. She didn't care who the woman was. She needed to do this. The knock was loud. Luckily, Mel was the one who opened the door. Surprise and confusion mounted in his voice. "Barbara...?" Not wasting a single second, she threw her arms around him. Her cold melted into his warmth and vice versa. The snow blew in from outside. Mel noticed, and closed the door behind her. "What are you doing here?!" Mel asked. Barbara released him. "I came back to wish you happy holidays." Mel felt mixed confusing feelings arise in him. Judy noticed and retreated back to the kitchen. She thought, 'How dare that woman show her face around here again?! After the way she'd broken his heart!' But she saw the look in Mel's face, and a similar look in his wife's face. Was she just seducing him, or did she feel the same way? Judy looked inside her own heart. Did she start to fall in love with Mel, or did she just want happiness for him? It had been a long shot, even thinking they had a chance together, but she'd always hoped... She sat down, cross-legged, watching the inevitable unfold in front of her. Barbara took something out of her purse, and handed it to Mel. "If you would allow it, I brought you a present. I hope you enjoy it." Mel unwrapped the gift in red paper on the spot. It was a blue dreamcatcher. She half-grinned. "I hope you have only good dreams from now on." "Thank you." he muttered. She looked over at her kids. They came running up to hug her. A stream of tears involuntarily began to flow down her cheeks. ... The green-haired clown, Krusty, arrived outside the door of the Van Horne residence. He grinned widely at the prospect of seeing his sister - and also Mel - this Christmas. Well, he'd already spent the first part of the holidays with his daughter Sophie, so spending the other part with Mel and Judy meant more fun and gifts!! He knocked loudly on the door and immediately burst in. "Hey, hey, everyone! Guess who's got more presents for ya!" The kids ran immediately to him for some presents. He handed them out, grinning. But he stopped grinning when he saw a familiar sea-green-haired, liposuction-butt, can't-take-a-joke journalist standing in the room. She glared at him. Oops. Uh-oh! Krusty thought. "Sorry, Judy, looks like the plan didn't work!" He high-tailed it to the kitchen, where his sister stood. "What plan?" she asked. "The plan to split up Mel and his broad, so he'd be all mine for the show!" Judy looked back at Mel and Barbara. Everyone looked uncomfortable. Barbara saw Krusty think to himself about how to go about plan B of getting rid of her. Suddenly, flashbacks of how much she'd been threatened, intimidated, and harassed all throughout Mel's sidekick career, came back to her. This clown was vicious, and he wouldn't stop until he had his man. Barbara hugged her husband tight and whispered, "No matter what anyone else says, I'll always love you, Mel." She released him and looked so broken up inside that Mel wanted to pull her close again and tell her things would be alright. She was fast for him. She turned around and turned the doorknob of the door, and stepped outside into the cold again. Seeing Francesca waiting for her in the car, she nodded. She got into the car and they drove to the airport. ... Mel ran outside. "Barbara, wait!" He called out, squinting through the windy snow that blew at him in the night. Her car had driven off. Judy hopped inside her car and called out to Mel. "We can still catch them!" Mel nodded and hopped into the passenger seat. They drove to the airport, fast yet cautiously because of the wind and snow hurtling at them. When they arrived they heard the radio announcer say that all flights for Salcissia are about to take off. They ran as fast as they could to try and tell the radio announcer to cancel that flight! "I'm sorry, guys, but I can't stop an entire flight every time one person's lover is about to get away." "Please?" Mel said, smiling. It was the familiar cute smile he made right before he's about to hear crushing news. "No." The man said. "But you can still catch them if you're fast enough." ... Mel and Judy rushed to catch the plane, but it already started on the runway and took off before their very eyes. Mel looked absolutely crushed. She was gone, again. He reached out to something now way out of his grasp. His voice cracked like broken glass. "Oh, Barbara..." Seeing the man put his face in his hands and start sobbing, Judy ran over. She put her arm around him, and comforted him as they walked slowly back to the car. It had the small effect of making Mel's sobs softer as they drove home. The darkness coupled with snow and wind was even more eerie than before. ... Back at the house, Krusty opened the door to one sad woman and one heartbroken man. "Hey hey, don't look at it like losing someone, look at it like getting better at your job..." The clown grinned, a bit pathetically. Judy frowned. "YOU were the one responsible for this!!" The clown glanced away, tugging at his collar. Judy continued. "How could you, Krusty? I hope you're going to make it up to him." "Oh, believe me," the clown said. "Tomorrow we'll visit the hospital to see Sideshow Bob, and I'll get you some ice cream on the way back." Mel shrugged. "It's better than nothing." ... In the hospital, Bob was walking on his leg again. The nurse congratulated him for healing so quickly. Soon he'd be fully recovered! "Hey, hey!" Bob almost tripped himself up. He growled at seeing Krusty again. That clown had betrayed him at their most recent reunion special and he still loathed him for that. Oh, he was reformed alright, but he still loathed and couldn't trust that clown. "Hello, Krusty..." The clown had brought Mel and Judy along for the trip. Bob slipped back into bed and relaxed. "And hello there, Mel, how's life treating you?" "Not well," the man admitted. "His wife left him, came back, then left him again, thanks to me," the clown explained. "Ah." Bob said. "I sympathize, Melvin. He's done the same thing to my early romances." "Really?" The redhead nodded. "Sideshows can't work and love at the same time, in his eyes." "I see." "Anyways," Bob continued. "I've been healing quickly, so I might get out of here sooner than they predicted. I intend to spend the rest of the holiday with my girlfriend, and then call my ex-wife and son to check on how their holiday went." "Wait." Judy said. "You have their phone number?" Bob nodded. Mel perked up. "Can you write it down for me? Barbara's spending the holidays with her!" "Oh, certainly, here." Bob wrote it down and handed Mel the paper. "How can I ever thank you?" Mel said, smiling. He tucked the piece of paper into his pocket. "For one, you can help me walk. I intend to spend as little time in this hospital room as humanly possible." Mel helped him stand, and helped him take his first few steps. Bob could take it from there, and finally was able to walk without falling. "Thank you Melvin, that was a big help to me! I mean it!" Bob grinned. "As was what you did for me!" Mel grinned. Bob began to wobble a bit, but Mel caught him. He put his arm around him for support. Krusty crossed his arms, pouting. Judy smiled. Mel looked up at Bob. "Robert, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

#barbara van horne #francesca terwilliger #sideshow mel #sideshow bob #my fanfics #there are other characters in it but you'll have to keep reading if you want to find out whom... ;)

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nightcoremoon · 4 years ago

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I just scrolled through my snapchat history for boredom reasons and 6 years ago give or take a week because leap year shenanigans I cut my toxic ex gf out of my life forever. feels like 20 years, feels like a month. I can still remember how much it hurt at the time. we dated in high school until she cheated on me because I was going to college and she didn't want to lose me on anyone's terms but her own (looking back, fuckin yikes), then after a semester I was like yeah no this isn't for me and I came home and she was like. oh oops I'm a fucking moron, hey I'm sorry I cheated on you can we get back together if I pinkie promise not to do it again? I stupidly was like okay (the power of titties will compel anyone to make bad decisions okay?) and everything seemed to be going fine until I told her I was trans and she was like oh okay whatever as long as you keep your dick haha ;) and I was like oh wow cool that was easy but then suddenly BOOM ghosted, I'm like. I can literally see your house from my house. so a week passes- first couple days I think maybe she's menstruating and feeling like shit and that's totally cool I understand that but then eventually it's like ok what's going on and I'm like wtf I'm just gonna go over and ask what I did wrong but as I'm going out I hear my sister mention her new boyfriend and I'm like

her what

so then I message her (we used snapchat since her mom monitored her texting and she wanted privacy) on snap like dude what the fuck why didn't you break up with me first and she was like oh we were never really in a relationship at all [even tho we went to prom and had sex and had dinner at each other's houses and all that romance shit that can be done as teenagers], so I just started dating this other guy, and I'm like. then why'd you ghost me??? and she's like oh I felt bad. I'm like. what the actual fuck is wrong with your brain, that is incredibly rude and disrespectful and I don't deserve that, we are friends and you just treated me like fuckin wet cardboard! she asked if we could still be friends. I'm like, I have to think about that since yeah I did want her in my life but fuck that shit. so I said no, she said sorry, I said you're not sorry enough not to do this for a second time.

then she married a different neighbor and got pregnant and moved away and I don't give a shit where she is or what she's doing now.

6 years

look; friends, followers, people who hateread my comments (I know there's a dozen of you somewhere), breakups might feel like the end of the world. especially before you hit your 20s. especially if they're with your high school sweet hearts, your prom dates, your "you complete me"s, your "let's plan our wedding"s, your let's discreetly fingerbang on the school bus when it's still dark in the mornings, your I want to be buried next to yous, you know, when you're young and dumb and full of you know what. stupid amatanormative hormonal melodrama.

but you're gonna get past it and five years later you might have a husband or new girlfriend or an apartment and a dog or three friends you share the rent with or maybe even still be single and that'll be just fine. the heartache will pass. you'll find yourself gently singing along to all of the angsty shit you listened to back then with a small melancholic smile because you realized that you made it past the lowest point in your life at the time. you won't forget but it'll be in a part of your brain that won't be at the forefront of your consciousness every hour of every day.

you may find yourself in a QPR with a man you love more than anyone else in the world except maybe for your family obviously, and having completely forgotten about all the stress and sadness from your exes until you randomly find it scrolling through something random because you're waiting for the bathroom to open up so you can brush your teeth because you drank milk before you went to bed. something just mundane and normal that makes to you go oh yeah this thing made me super sad a long time ago. something formulation and integral to your story but ultimately something that doesn't and can't hurt you anymore.

you'll get better

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mylifemydiary · 5 years ago

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Red Flags

June 3, 2020

I’ve made many mistakes in my 38 years. None with more consequences than my first marriage.

I knew my ex husband through my middle school best friend. He was her older brother. They didn’t have a great relationship, he was a trouble maker and she thought a lot of her parent’s arguments often revolved around him. And after getting to know them all, they did. He had seen a picture of me she had and had said I was pretty, or hot, I don’t remember, while she and I were on the phone. Years later when he went to prison at 18, his family was writing letters to him and I added one myself. We became pen pals after that. I didn’t hear or see him again until after I had graduated high school.

I was 18, I had a job at an electronics facility in Dallas, and I was going to community college for free on grants. I loved school. I still do. I didn’t exactly love my job, but I was making great money and working 3 twelve hour shifts and getting paid for 40 hours a week. I had a brand new car that I was making payments on myself. I had everything together. No boyfriend, but I had everything else in life. My future ahead of me.

Then one afternoon he stopped by my garage apartment where I lived with my mother. She wasn’t home. I wonder if she had been and was able to talk to me about it would I have done things differently. He still lived in his parents house, about 5 streets away from where my mom and I lived at the time. He said his parents had told him I had a new car, and he was out walking and drinking and wanted to stop and say hello.

There were soooo many red flags about him I ignored in those first few months. He had another girl pregnant. She was probably 5 or 6 months along. He said they had broken up and then she came to him and said she was pregnant. He had two jobs the day he stopped by. One, he said, to help pay child support for the baby (since he didn’t want anything to do with the pregnant girl) and one for money for himself. He didn’t have a car. He rode the bus or got rides from friends or his parents. The next day, he had quit one job to hang out with me. Just like that, he had thrown away a job to hang out with a girl he knew from years ago, while still having a baby on the way. Red Flags galore. I knew he had a record. He smoked weed and drank daily. I knew he was troubled from what my best friend had said before. But nevertheless, he liked me and wanted to spend time with me.

Slowly, I stopped going to classes. I let my grades drop. I wanted to spend time with him and all we did was drink and spend money on my credit cards. I eventually quit my job, because I worked all weekend while he partied, and I wanted to be there, too. We were drunk every weekend. We would find someone to buy us vodka or other cheap alcohol and spend all weekend drunk and finding some place to be drunk. My parents were so concerned they made me see a psychologist. I explained that all my life I had done the right thing and I was finally getting to explore. And that was that. I never went back to the psychologist. I should have kept going, in hindsight. I ended up getting a minimum wage job at the mall instead of my high paying nice Dallas job. I dropped out of college. Threw away all the grants. Within those first weeks, I guess before I dropped out and quit, I was thinking of leaving him. I was talking with a coworker at the mall about not being happy, and somehow some friends of his were in the store and they told him about it. We had an argument, and I began to see the ugly side of him. He threw things, yelled, I think we were drunk again but don’t really remember. For whatever reason, I didn’t leave him then. Over time I kept seeing the red flags. He criticized what I wore. How I talked. The way I acted around his friends. He got embarrassed of me easily. He would tell me I talked too loudly. Or the things I said were stupid. For some reason I thought I could change him. I learned that he was bipolar and needed to be on medication. Later I found out the medication doesn’t mix with alcohol, and cancel each other out. For the meds to work he couldn’t drink. Something he wasn’t willing to do. He was 20 and I was 18. I was soooo young and stupid. And I stayed. He said he loved me and wanted to marry me.

6 months after that first post graduation visit I was pregnant. Our first plan was to abort. I was too young to raise a baby. I had money saved up and made the appointment with planned parenthood. He was going to go with me. After learning the baby already had fingernails and eyelashes, I had a change of heart. Yes, I was young but I couldn’t kill the baby inside me. I went to him that morning, and instead of picking him up to drive us to planned parenthood I told him we were having the baby. He was still in bed asleep. He said ok and went back to sleep. Red flag yet again. Over the pregnancy he turned 20. Since I couldn’t drink, he would often still go out with friends when I stayed home. And his mood swings and tantrums were still very much there. I kept buying things to make him happy. He smoked weed every day. Something I still hadn’t tried. But it kept him calm, and anything to keep the calm was fine with me. We went to birthing classes together. I thought it would be ok.

We got married at the courthouse with no witnesses on a weekday afternoon. I was 8 months pregnant. I drove us there, with the address I had looked up. We got there before the justice of the peace, and I thought we might be in the wrong place. He berated an 8 month pregnant me, saying I had fucked up again. In my gut I knew I shouldn’t marry him. I had silent tears streaming down my face when the justice of the peace walked up. We were in the right place, he has just running late. I went through with it. Knowing in my gut it was a mistake.

I spent the next 10 years being subjected to his mood swings and tantrums, feeling ugly and being silenced and shushed. We never went out together. We rarely visited his friends anymore together. We never saw my family together. I would take the baby to my family while he stayed home. He would work jobs here and there, until eventually quitting in an excessive way. I kept a steady job and paid for everything. He would be in and out of jail for various things. I would pawn things or scrape money together to bail him out. He would destroy our things, things that I had bought or had been given. What little we had was usually destroyed at his hands. He never hit the baby, I made sure of that. It took a very long time before I even left him alone with my son. I was afraid of his temper. I was a shell of myself. I grew up in my 20s that way. Dressing how I thought wouldn’t upset him. Staying quiet. Rarely going anywhere I considered fun. To the point where I became boring to him. Even my haircut angered him. I looked like his mom he would say. I practically was. He stayed home and smoked and played video games while I went out to to the shopping, getting food, working, laundry, every single thing. He never cleaned. He never cooked. He never tried. The world was on my shoulders while I walked on egg shells. Eventually he cheated on me with a younger waitress, then left me, then came back because I had been his meal ticket for so long he didn’t have any easier path. I thought my son needed a father so I allowed him to come back. He left me again. At least 2 more times, for different women. Another old school crush he had, and once for a friend’s wife. There’s sooo much more I am leaving out, but the majority of the story is here. What finally made him leave was a fight that resulted in me having physical marks on my face and what I thought was a broken foot. Once that was out there, he knew he couldn’t stay with me. I still have a scar on my upper lip from my face hitting the carpet and my front tooth piercing my lip.

I can’t say I would do anything differently. Obviously I wouldn’t want to go through the mental torture again, but maybe it made me realize how strong I am. I love my son, and yes his childhood wasn’t ideal, but I did my best to protect him and be there for him as much as I could. I never once left him to the wolves to save myself. I regret the way he was raised, that it couldn’t have been a happier time for him. And I regret spending my 20s with someone who never appreciated me. But I got through it alive. Something a lot of victims of domestic abuse don’t get to do. I am lucky I survived. And it made me realize I am far more valuable to let anyone ever diminish me again.

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rezilient-m3 · 5 years ago

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8) I was kinda dreading to write this part because it's long and a shitty part of my life... I got pregnant after my son was taken. To me, I was happy, I thought this preganancy was want we both wanted. I was so hurt when James told me he wasn't ready to be a dad and he didn't think I should keep the baby. And to me, the way I was raised, you don't get abortions, it's just not a thing you can do. So, I was stuck. I still went home every chance I got to visit my son. One trip, it was my oldest sister, R, and her husband who gave me a ride. They had a lot of kids, so I was considering asking them if they'd take my baby. Mind you, nobody knew yet I was pregnant cuz I wasn't expecting the reaction I got from James, so I couldn't be happy and was worrying about what my next steps would be. That whole 5 hour trip with them I was quiet, I was trying to figure out how I'm going to bring it up to them of how I got pregnant, but the dad didn't want a baby and I didn't want to get rid of it. I didn't say anything. I thought I'd talk to my mum first and see what she would have to say. Next day I miscarried though. I was just over 2 mths. I was so sad. Makes me sad now and wondering wtf was I thinking for not leaving him for all these red flags he's been showing me.

I don't remember how the conversation with James went like. But we went back to our normal ways of living. Drinking and living irresponsibly. We soon moved out of our old townhouse in the industrial area, to a duplex in the inner city. I applied for school in the fall for a course I knew nothing about. But was excited for my future. I got in, got accepted for the funding and was set for Sept. Nothing really special happened that summer. It was the same stories: get drunk, blow our money and I started cheating on him with randoms. It was just a broken relationship.

In August, I don't remember what the reason for us breaking up was. But I went home for awhile, and he went back to his parents, they lived in another province at the time. I went back to get my stuff cuz I had to find my own place to start school. I went back, found my computer and stereo missing. It may not sound like a big deal, but to me, at the time it was heartbreaking. Next day, I packed my stuff and moved. I found a one bedroom apartment in a nicer neighborhood. I made it a home in one evening, thanks to my niece (she's the same age as me, so we're more like sisters). I had my very own place and was excited about school.

I still didn't have vehicle, so had to catch the bus to school and walked home most days. I realized the program wasn't what I was expecting. But I still went everyday. Until something happened that would change the course of my life. It was a weekend near the end of Sept, my twin brother was staying with me and our older half brother B was visiting us too. B and I drank that whole time. My twin hates it when we drink. I was an asshole back then, always wanting to fight or argue about anything and everything. I see now of how unhappy I was. But my twin wasn't a drinker, so I let him have my bedroom to sleep in so we can drink. We were on our second night of getting drunk and my brother raped me. Idk why or what he was thinking. We were best friends from all through high school until that night. I remember he was on my desktop, talking to like 3 random girls and I was asking him when he was going to smartnup and give me a sister-in-law. I don't remember this turned into an argument. I didn't even think he was that messed up. We got into a scuffle, I punched him and somehow he had me pinned, while I was on my stomach, took my pants off and did it. I screamed, I cried, but I was weak. At the time I couldn't believe this was actually happening, like how could he think any of this was okay? He was my brother and my best friend. He left, I locked my door, and locked myself in my bathroom. And what did I do? I called James instead of the cops. I didn't tell him what happened but I told him something bad happened and I wanted him to come home.

You're probably wondering why my twin didn't do anything or check wtf was happening. He didn't know, he thought we were just fighting, he thought it we were arguing when he heard me yelling. I didn't even tell him that next morning. When he asked where our brother was, I just said he left. He was devastated and blamed himself when he found out later. Cried to me apologizing, I told him it wasn't his fault. I never blamed him.

Anyways, James was back. I went to school but I was a zombie. I was not okay. I couldn't think of anything else but that night. I stopped going to school after the first week of Oct. And to make things worse, I found out I was pregnant again. This time, I didn't get the same reaction from James. He was excited until I reminded him of the possibility of the baby being from my brother. It was a really tough time for me. I contemplated having an abortion, scared my baby was from my brother for real. My mum was the one that talked me into keeping my baby. She told me no matter what that she'd help me with my baby. James was also being so supportive about this, which was a total 180 from his first reaction the pregnancy before. So, we stayed pregnant.

I had my babygirl June 12, 2010. I wasn't due until the 28th but this day, my cousin (who was my childhood best friend and "almost-to-be-brother") hung himself. I had talked to him the week before, made plans for when he came back to the city. I said maybe I'd have my baby by the time he got back and he'd come visit and give me my first drink lol. That morning, my sister, S, called me with the news. I couldn't breathe, and as soon as I hung up I was crying so hard, I couldn't even tell James what happened. I finally blurted it out and felt my first labour pain. It's not funny but when I tell this story I laugh cuz on our way to the hospital, I was swearing saying "fucken T**, I don't care about a fucken Jr, if we have a boy we're naming him T!" I had a girl though, hours later and she was the spitting image of James. She was his.

James and I didn't last very long being "happy". My daughter had to be a couple months old when we went to my parents place to visit. I left them to go drinking, I was gone for 2 days. Not proud of myself. I didn't cheat on him this time though lol. I was drinking with guys he never liked though, so I can see how upset he was. I went back and told him we can go home the next day. He said his cousin wanted a ride to the bar. I thought I'd let him since I was gone that whole time. I said I'd leave the door open for him. He didn't come back. For 2 days I didn't know where he was, and he had my apartment keys and csrseat so I couldn't just go home. (Oh yeah, he had a beat up old van now). Anyways, my friend Elaine told me he was at her mother-in-law's house with her little SIL. That fucken shooked me. In my egotistical mind, I can do so much wrong, but he could never do the same to me. Until then lol.

I left, got new keys. It was just me and my baby. He stayed with her for awhile until she said she was pregnant too. He denied, and still denies, that boy to this day. I stayed away, he and his parents would come get our girl for some weekends. It couldn't have been for long cuz our next daughter was born the next June on the 19th. But it was this one weekend he had our daughter. I was drunk on the phone talking to my sister S, and she told me she gotten back with her ex and made it seem okay if I wanted to take him back. So, I did. I told him he can come home when he brings her back. And I got pregnant right away. Stupid me. So much has happened that we weren't okay, especially when we'd drink. I had my 2nd daughter on Father's Day of 2011. And got pregnant again after that.

Now that next year, it went from bad to worse. Before I was due his step dad came to our house with all his little brothers and sisters. There was 6 of them, plus his dad, plus me, him and our daughter. All in a small two bedroom house. We moved twice since my apartment. But they drank, James, his dad, his oldest younger brother and his dad's friend. We all went to the bar to play pool, James got stupid drunk. When we left he was giving people in other vehicle's the middle finger. He was always angry and did stupid shit when he was blacked out. Anyways, we got back to my house and were bbqing. His dad's friend had a woman there too and the friends started arguing cuz I think his dad was hitting on that girl. I was supposed to give her a ride somewhere so I had my keys in my pocket. His dad ended up driving away with his friend and that girl. I was closing up our back gate when James come try hug me, I should've just hugged him cuz when I pushed him away, he seen I was holding my keys and tried to get them from me. I wasn't going to give him the keys cuz I knew how drunk he was. I ended up falling on the ground and he was on top of me screaming in my face of how I was a slut and this and that. Even got as rank as throwing around our bbq and chairs and kids toys everywhere. People walking by the alley were watching and called the cops.

This would be the first assault charge he got. I told the cops he didn't hit me, cuz this time he didn't. But they've arrested him anyways and he went to the calls for the night. He got that charge, along with a no contact order and was to stay away. He called his dad and he told me he's waiting at the end of the block in a parking lot in our vehicle. (He got the keys before he was arrested). I went, he was sorry... blah, blah, blah. He came home, even though he wasn't supposed to. I had our 3rd daughter July 7th of 2012.

He still wasn't supposed to be around, but the night before I went into labour, we got into an argument, idk about what. But he didn't come home. That morning I went into labour. I called his mom cuz I couldn't get ahold of him, and she found his at his grandma's. I was so mad at him. I was so close to putting myself in our tub and I was alone with our 2 n 1 year olds. But he showed up, packed the girls, and dropped me off at the hospital emergency. I got admitted at 1:56 and I had her at 2:08. That was so close.! I didn't have time to be sad or afraid cuz I was alone. But James was still not allowed to be there. Nurses knew that. So when he came to see her, I lied and said he was my cousin lol.

Now, we have 3 babies. I went straight to drinking. My baby wasn't even a week yet. Then again, life would change. My sister S was in the city drinking with her friend. They came over to check on me and my sister was seeing Alex. These next few weeks is a blur for me. I hardly stayed sober and James was always away cuz he couldn't be there and again I was involved with social services cuz his grandma knew how much I was drinking. This time it would be my fault. Alex and S would come over, even pitched a tent cuz his living situation was weird. He officially lived with a woman we'll call Laura. But he always claimed he just stayed there cuz he had nowhere to live. Whatever, wasn't my problem. We drank a lot though. Oh, at this time too my brother B showed up with our cousin, I told him I forgave him. He cried, whatever, we made up. Not as close as we were though. Anyways, S, her friend, Alex, B, our cousin and me were forever drinking. All taking turns taking care of my girls. At the time it was fun, and it didn't seem wrong. I found myself being alone with Alex when everybody else would be passed out, we got to know each other. Couldn't even deny there was feelings there between us. Then we eventually took it too far and started sleeping with each other. I suck for doing that to my sister. In my defense, they never said they were a couple, like he was living with another woman. But still, wtf man? Lol.

James showed up once with his mom. His mom raised hell with why I was drinking around them. Which never made sense to me, cuz it was okay if we were drinking with her. There were times where we'd be drinking together and she had no problem with my girl's being around, or her kids. Whatever though. They left. Idk why they didn't take my girl's. But one day, I was hungover, home alone with my girls. I asked my sister S if she had any money, what was her response? "Ask Alex". This time she knew we've slept together, he blurted it out when they were fighting. Dumbass. Anywhoo, I did. I thought he was just gonna buy me beer. He brought beer to drink with me lol. It was the middle of the day, we were out in my back yard with my kids. I was on my third or fourth and he was busy with my oldest, playing. The social worker shows up. He said he could stop drinking and take care of them, as he was only on his first, it didn't work, she took them. At this time, it didn't seem like a big deal cuz I'm still supposed to be with James and I knew they'd give them to him right away. All I did was text them to say the worker took them and they should go get them. And continued drinking with Alex.

I told worker the next day, I'll move out of my house if they can give my girls to their dad and they can stay at my house. This worked. I don't remember if he was still going to jail or not, I know he did plead guilty for assault, even though he didn't hit me when I was pregnant. But we still weren't supposed to be around each other so it was a complicated mess.

I stayed at his auntie's place sometimes, just to say I was living somewhere else. Got visits with my girls through social services, even though I was there at home most days. It went on like this until they closed my file, saying they were with the other parent so it was the matter of family court to figure it all out. But we did, we were still together. Only now I had reasons for not going home sometimes. I was still cheating, this time it was with Alex all the time. I was shady. But I knew James and I would never last.

When he was "in charge" of my girls, that was when the beatings got really bad. I'd get so black and blue and puffy but wouldn't call the cops cuz I wasn't even supposed to be around. So, he got away with it every time. Lived this way for a year. Now it would be 2013. I applied for school again, for a different program, got in, got my funding. We moved to another house our landlord got us cuz we needed more space. This time, we thought we were safe cuz social workers wouldn't know and shit like that. He was collecting welfare for him n the girls, I was still getting child tax and my funding on top of it. But would have been set for the year is we didn't drink and just be together. That was always a conversation but would never happen. Cuz sometimes I did think I loved him. But like I said, I always knew we'd never last.

I went to school, he stayed home with the girls. He was such a piece of shit though. My school was only 6 blocks away, so I'd always go home to check on our kids at lunch. He'd always be asleep and my girls would be locked in their room still. I fucken hated that. He'd stay up all night, playing his stupid games and would sleep before I got up for school. I'd let them out, wake him up and go back to school. Sometimes I'd come home after 330 and he'd still be asleep and our kids would be starving. That was so frustrating. I hated him for that. He just wasn't supportive.

The long weekend in Nov, he took me to the next city to see my parents. They were there at the casino, I thought I'd go visit for the weekend, but for some reason my mum told me just to go home cuz it wouldn't be a long visit. Whatever, I went back. I bought drinks though, and made plans with my cousin down the alley that I'd get dropped off there. James didn't like it, but dropped me off anyways. That whole weekend,again, was a blur. I was drunk the whole time. Had blackouts for most of it. Then it would be Sunday night. I came out of my blackout running down my stairs, in my house, trying to get away from James. Went to my bedroom, locked it, threw myself on my bed and felt the bruises on my face and tasted the blood. He kicked the door open, grabbed me by my hair and threw me on the floor and tried hog tieing me while pinning me down with his steel toe boots. Luckily for me, his cell rang. Idk who it was but he got distracted, I ran upstairs to the bathroom, looked at my face, grabbed a jacket and ran out the door barefooted. I went to the house I was at, banged on the door, my friend seen me and I went lock myself in the bathroom. She called the cops.

Luckily for my girls, they were asleep and James' little brother was at the house cuz he was visiting for the weekend. So, he was watching them for the night when the cops went arrest him. I went to the hospital and got stitches on my upper lip and forehead. Cops then took me to the detachment for pictures. Then, home to sleep. Now, I don't remember getting beaten that bad, just running from him. But I knew it was him, he did it before. That would be the last time I've seen James for 5 years.

Doctor wrote me a note to take a week off of school so I can heal. Now, I was alone with my girls, still trying to go to school with my sister S who was supposed to be my babysitter. She was unreliable though. She drank, which caused me to miss school. I didn't drink for a month. I knew that social services would be called on me cuz that's how his family was. Sure enough, I got 3 random visits from workers. Third time they told me they had no choice to open a file. By the second week of December I had no choice but to quit school, I feel too far behind and missed too many days. That was harsh, especially how well I was doing with my marks. One weekend,my cousin and friend were over and we were going to go out. My cousin's teenage daughter was upstairs and we were downstairs in my room getting ready. We had a 12 of beer, I was on my 2nd when the worker showed up. She didn't care I had a sitter and we were leaving. Sucky thing was our cab showed up right after her. It was all bad timing. My girl's were 3, 2, and 1. They were so happy to be going "bye-bye" and excited to be putting on their winter stuff. I was holding back tears getting them dressed cuz I knew they'd end up with James and it would be hard to reason with him after this. I was right. I never seen them again for 5 years after that.

That was the middle of December. I now have no school, no kids, and no way to pay my 1400 a month the rent was after that month. So, I stayed drunk. I decided to give my house to my cousin, who was trying to get her younger kids back and needed a house. I told her she can have everything but keep my sentimental shit until I come back and get them. I didn't go home for Christmas, I was alone that time. It was so depressing.

After James had beat me and by the time I was out of school and my girls were gone, Alex msged me. I guess my sister S told him all that happened and was upset. We've spoken to each other through the year, here and there. Always telling each other we think of each other. So, he's never lost those feelings, and I've always liked him too. But I my first thought wasn't to tell him about all the shit that just went down, like, why would I? Lol. After Christmas he said he had to come to the city and look at a truck to buy. (After that summer/winter of fooling around he bought a place 5 hrs away to get away from Laura. Which is his fucked up story on his own cuz she did end up moving herself into the old building he bought.)

Anyways, it was December 27th and he was on his way. I had my little half-sister visiting and my cousin, who was gonna take over my house at my place at the time. Cousin was sleeping in the downstairs bedroom, while I was panicking to my sister about Alex coming. We were always drunk or about to get drunk when we hung out, this time I was sober waiting for him to bring the beer lol. I almost told him change of plans about him coming to my house. I was super nervous. All my sister said was to calm the hell down and just say hi and talk to him, she's never seen me that way before but I was freaking out. He showed up, and I'd learn after we got drunk that he was freaking out too before walking up lol.

This day would change my life's course too, I just didn't know it yet. But we spent the night together. He had to go home, which he still had Laura there. But she was told to pack up her shit and leave cuz they weren't really together at that time. I'll get into all of that later.

This was a super long post. I'm sure I've left a lot of parts out of all those years. Will go back if needed. But that's mostly what had happened between James and I. I guess, anyways.

Now I'm about to leave my home city of 6 hard years. Not knowing what my future looks like. Next post will be about me and Alex. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Cuz it wasn't a very "happily ever after".

Thanks for reading, hope it made sense. I don't want to read it lol. Until next time. ✌

#allofme #mystory #survivingtheugly

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