#evolutionofemotions

[thrutheeyesofme]

Envy

They got it, 

So why can't I?

How come they automatically get it?

And I have to work so hard for mine.

They just did that one thing,

And all that opportunity came their way,

What about me?

I sit here struggling.

Fighting for pennies,

Fighting to be heard,

Fighting for peace,

And alI I seem to get is brick walls and resistance.

I don't want to be them,

I don't actually like them,

I don't actually want their lives.

But I want the same opportunities,

I want those doors to open for me,

I want that ease that I witness in them.

I hate my life.

I openly reject it.

Victimising myself to anyone who will listen,

Playing the blame game to deflect my ownership,

Proudly accepting sympathy for my shortcomings,

I have dug this ugly, defensive hole that I sit in. 

But the truth is,

That we are all blessed in our own way,

We all have experiences in good & bad,

We all  have moments of right and wrong,

We all have ways of not seeing the positives over the negatives.

What is one's person ease,

Is the other persons hardship,

What one person's hard work,

Is another person's cup of tea,

What is your walk in the park,

Is another person's walk through the trenches.

We all have our own struggles,

We all have our own point of pain,

This is just mine,

And I'm sure you have yours,

We are not any better than each other,

We are all just humans having our own human experience.

Envy is a bitch.

A cruel deadly sin that lurks within,

Eating away at our love for each other, 

Creating barriers of the haves and have nots, 

Identifying where we hold lack inside.

But envy can also be a catalyst for change.

Creating inspiration,

Evoking aspiration,

Driving up our determination,

Making us want it more.

What is their victory,

Is also my possibilities,

If they can do it,

So can I.

They got it with such ease,

Imagine what I'll receive if I actually try?

I put my all into it,

Bending backwards,

Beg, borrow & steal,

Determined to claim what is mine.

I achieve my goal, 

I receive my glory,

I stand tall in my victory,

The evidence of all my hard work.

But soon that day will come,

Where others will see my success,

Oblivious to my journey,

Unaware of my set-backs,

Unconscious of my struggles.

Where is mine, they will say?

When do I get my chance?

How come they got it so easily?

And the truth is that,

What goes around comes around, 

The endless cycle of the human condition.

We notice the similar tone,

We witness the familiar themes,

We recognise the signs of envy.

[ashutosh28k]

I am here.. . . #Machine #Man #Vedanta #AI #ArtificialIntellegence #MrRobort #TechWorld #FutureCall #BeOrganic #BeOne #MachineAreFriends #Yoga #ArtificialBahiranga #EvolutionOfEmotions https://www.instagram.com/p/Ci-t9N4NMcp/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[thrutheeyesofme]

Trust

I trust myself, And that's all I need. My judgments, My acceptance, My intuition. I know who I am, And I know what I need, Only I can stand in my way.

Standing tall in my journey, Standing alone in my journey, Standing vulnerable in my journey, I have to remain strong. People stare, People talk, People project their fears.

Wavering thoughts, Wavering concerns, Wavering judgments, Uncertainty trickles in, Doubt steps in, Fear sets in.

No. I can't listen to them, I can't take on their fears, I can't take on their limiting belief system, I won't do what is expected of me, I won't be a product of the system, I won't give up on my dreams.

My body knows that I need different, My body knows that I deserve different, My body knows that life can be different. I've been sent all the signs, I've been sent all the synchronicity, I've been sent all the green lights. Just trust. Trust that I do know what's best, Trust that I do know what I need, Trust that I can achieve something different.

This is my story to create, This is my story to write, This is my story to live, Trust so my story can exist.

[thrutheeyesofme]

Grief

Held in my lungs, Protecting my heart, Smothering my heart, Wearing this coat of grief.

Can't break free, Can't see the light, Can't see past the hurt, Blinded by the grief.

Everything hurts, Everything is dark, Everything feels doomed, Overwhelmed by the grief.

With time, With forgiveness, With hindsight, Grief loosen its grip.

New stories, New happiness, New adventures, Grief slowly slips away.

Open minded, Open spirit, Open heart, Grief has no place to stay.

[thrutheeyesofme]

Self Esteem

I got this. I know who I am, And I know what I want, You can no longer hinder me, Or stunt my growth.

I believe in myself, And what I have to offer this world. My heart is pure, And it is ready to serve.

Stop it with your assumptions, Stop it with your expectations, Stop it with your judgements, I am no longer a prisoner to your ideals.

I am me, In all my glory, Powerful & courageous, Ready to step into my potential, Ready to conquer the world.

So are you coming to support me? Or will you be left behind? Cause I ain't taking no prisoners, And I'm definitely not taking any haters.

I am on a mission, And nothing can hold me back, I will do what I came here for, Cause I am me, And I can only be me, And I am love.

[thrutheeyesofme]

1. Blank Canvas

Born. Born into this world as a perfect blank canvas. No identity, No judgments, No expectations, No fears. We open our eyes, We take our first breath, We start to take in the world around us. They give us a name, They give us a label, They start to influence who they want us to be, They start to influence us to how they expect us to be. 'So pretty, she's going to be a heart breaker', 'So tall, there going to be a basketballer', 'So stubborn, they're going to be hard work'.

We watch, We listen, We absorb all the actions around us, We absorb all the conditioning around us. Gender dynamics, Power dynamics, Emotional reactivity, Inherited pain, hurt & trauma Inherited hardship, struggle & privilege, Victim hood, fears, biases, Expectations, limitations, judgements, Like a sponge we absorb it all. Our blank canvas is now painted with all our exterior influences. Some positive, Some negative, Some that don't even make sense to us. But we accept them because everyone else tells us to, We accept them because we want to feel normal, We accept them because we want to fit in.

An identity starts to emerge, One that is made up of our parents traits, One that is made up of our cultural expectations, One that is made up of the limitations presented to us, An identity that allows us to be liked, An identity that allows us to be accepted, An identity that allows us to feel safe, An identity that is so far removed from that once blank canvas of endless possibilities we once were.

This poem is 1/8 in a series of poems that I wish to send the reader on a journey of emotional transformation with.

[thrutheeyesofme]

Reflections

I hold up a mirror and I know what I'm going to see, You hold up a mirror for me to see what I cannot see.

[thrutheeyesofme]

Acceptance

Frustration, Anger, Heartache, I can't take this anymore, Wanting to break free.

See me, No, really see me. I want to be authentic with you, I want to be vulnerable with you, I want to connect deeper with you.

You see what you want to see, You hear what you want to hear, You suggest only what you wish for me. But that's not me, That's your expectation of me, That's your judgement of me, That's your projection of fear onto me.

I can no longer play this game, I can no longer unhear your words, I can no longer allow this behaviour to go unspoken, I'm tired. What is stopping you? What is it that you don't want to see? What is it that you don't want to accept about me? Open your heart and answer me.

But of course I like to blame you. It's easy to get angry at you, It's easy to think you're the cause of my unhappiness. But you are just a mirror, You are just a mirror of my doubt, My lack of courage, My lack of commitment, My lack of ownership, That I don't truly back myself, That I don't truly believe in myself, That my faith constantly wavers.

It's hard to break the mould, It's hard to follow your bliss, It's hard to swim against the tide of society. But that's where it is, That's where the truth is, That's where my true authenticity lies, That's where my true acceptance of myself lies, Because to truly accept myself, Is to commit to only accepting my truth.

[thrutheeyesofme]

Surrender

Stop, Pause, Relax, No resistance, Just surrender.

Trust, You are protected, You are provided for, No harm will happen to you today, Just surrender.

Courage, Relinquish control, Have no expectations, Build the trust within yourself, Just surrender.

Allow, Whatever will be, to be, Receive without judgment, Witness your true authentic self, Just surrender.

Flow, Into the rhythm of life, Without limitations, Receive what's truly yours, Just surrender.

Surrender, Awaken your trust, Own your courage, Open to Allow, Receive from the flow, Just surrender.

[thrutheeyesofme]

Loneliness

It is rare for one to choose to live so isolated. There are people everywhere, Only meters away, Barricaded in their boxes, Guarded in their prisons of fear, Wanting to be left alone, Wanting to be left out of drama, Wanting to be left out of judgement.

Isolation has become the new way of life, The easy way out, than facing my fears. To let someone in, Is to let complication in, Judgement, disapproval & burden, I don't need that from another, I have all that myself.

Instead I replace people with things, Shiny possessions that fill my void, Delicious cuisine that fulfills my pleasure, Strenuous exercise to exhaust me at night. To prove to you I'm doing great in the world, To prove to you I'm not in need of your concern.

But loneliness is a sneaky thing, Creeping in at your lowest moment, Reminding you that your life is empty, That your soul lacks communication, That your soul lacks connection, That your soul lacks completion.

[thrutheeyesofme]

Friendship

For a reason or a season, Floating in and out of each others lives, Enhancing or agitating Prompting or guiding, A messenger in one's journey. Nothing more, Nothing less.

We put too much expectations, We put too much importance. Best friends forever, Kindred spirits, Soul mates, These people are no longer human, But victims of obligation.

Loyalty & Devotion, Trust & Acceptance, Serving me with their agreeance Turning a blind eye to my flaws, The only solution to my loneliness.

But this is unreasonable, This is unfair, Friendships are merely a statement of our lives, Mirroring our own inner self reflection, Prompting change and growth, Edging us closer to one’s goal, Moving us closer to one’s self-acceptance, Bringing us closer to one's inner peace.

[thrutheeyesofme]

If rocks could talk, what wisdom would they speak? ...probably the wisdom of silence.

[thrutheeyesofme]

Part 8. Evolution

Two steps forward, One step back, We are forever growing backwards, and forwards, One cycle ends and another is presented.

Death and rebirth.

With every death, Brings in new experience, With every death, Brings in growth, With every death, Brings in new light.

Never stop evolving, Never stop saying goodbye to things, Never stop welcoming new things.

It's all there for your own good, It's all there for your own growth, It's all there for your own transformation, It's all there to get you to a more profound place of freedom.

You've done its once before, And, you can do it again. You have the tools, You have the knowledge, You have the know-how. You've seen the results, You've seen the transformation, You've seen the benefits. You can never accept the old again.

Different story, Different hang up, Different people, But the journey is the same, The results are the same,

It gets easier, It gets quicker, It gets more enjoyable.

Just trust, Just own it, Just get on with it, One foot in front of the other, Let's clear all these fears, resentments and insecurities. They used to make me so exhausted, They used to make me so doubtful, They used to make me so upset.

Let's get to the good parts in life, Let's get to the peak of our liberation, Let's get to the expansiveness of our freedoms.

Choose kindness Choose joy, Choose bliss, Choose peace, Choose love, Choose to live in the world with an unconditional open heart.

This poem is 8/8 in a series of poems that I wish to send the reader on a journey of emotional transformation with.

[thrutheeyesofme]

Part 7. Unconditional Love

Same journey, Different stories, Same players, Different personalities, Same outcome, Different ways of getting there.

No judgment.

We are all different, Making it happen our own way, Making it happen with own personalities, Making it happen in our own timeframe.

But we are also all the same. Born as a blank canvas, Absorbing the world with clouded judgment, Colliding and reacting with each other, Blaming and resenting, Time and clarity, Ownership and empowerment, Detachment and peace, Space and freedom.

I see you on your journey, I observe you on your journey, I cross paths with you on your journey, You are at this stage, And I am at that stage, We all have different ways of getting there, We are all at different stages of our journey. My journey is not your journey, And your journey is not my journey, You are you, With your personal narrative and limitations, And I am me, With my personal narrative and limitations. I cannot critcise you, I cannot judge you, I cannot tell you to do anything differently, I just need to accept you, And you just need to accept me, Once we start accepting each other unconditionally, Thats when the true healing starts, That's when the true healing is revealed, That's when true healing can change everything.

Bliss, Joy, Passion, Love. That is what I choose in life, This is what makes me feel good, This is what makes life worth living.

Come with me, Come and choose this journey, Come and overcome your limitations, Come and sit here with me in this energy, It is blissful, It is peaceful, It is serene, It is the epitome of unconditional acceptance, It is the epitome of unconditional love, It is the epitome of heaven on Earth.

This poem is 7/8 in a series of poems that I wish to send the reader on a journey of emotional transformation with.

[thrutheeyesofme]

3. Ownership

He said,

She said,

Bullshit.

Petty conflicts,

Blame,

Fear,

Disempowered state of victim hood.

Old boring story we tell ourselves.

It's time to step back,

It's time to remove the hurt from the situation,

It's time to look at this a little differently.

I have baggage,

They have baggage,

We all hold onto our baggage,

We know this to be true.

Am I reacting from a place of my true authenticity?

Or, am I reacting from the place of my accumulated baggage?

And, am I reacting from a place of that hurt victim inside?

What was my role?

Where can I take ownership for this conflict?

Where did I allow this situation to spiral out of control?

Where did I allow my victimhood to cloud my vision?

It takes two to tango up a situation,

It takes two insecurities to make friction.

What were my insecurities?

What was my contribution?

What part of me allowed this reaction to take place?

Was it the part where I was neglected by another?

Was it the part where I was rejected by another?

Was it the part where I was told I wasn't enough by another?

Buried emotions,

Too sore to uncover,

Too sore to heal.

Never wanting to experience that again,

Never wanting to feel that again,

Never wanting to allow myself to be vulnerable again.

However, hurt is a choice,

Disempowerment is a choice,

Victim mentality is a choice.

Do I choose to allow these events to alter me?

Do I choose to allow these actions to hurt me?

Do I choose to allow these feelings to hold me back for the rest of my life?

How can I?

How can I allow myself to be affected by other people's actions?

How can I allow myself to be influenced by other people's baggage?

They’re just as lost as I am,

They’re just as hurt as I am,

They're just as fearful as I am.

Lost in our baggage,

Buried in our baggage,

Barriers of our baggage,

All trying to survive,

All trying to remain unharmed,

All trying to keep ourselves safe.

It's time to be honest with myself,

It's time to be vulnerable with myself,

It's time to be real with myself,

My truth will set me free,

My truth will set me free from this resentment I hold inside,

My truth will set me free from this hurt I hold inside.

I choose to own my role in this part,

I choose to take ownership for the part I played,

I choose to be vulnerable with myself,

I choose to be authentic with myself.

You cannot hurt me,

Because I choose not to be hurt.

You cannot make me feel things,

Unless I choose to feel those things,

You cannot make me react,

Because I know your baggage is not my baggage.

I will choose not to react to your baggage,

And please try not to react to mine.

I will choose to sort out my old woundings,

And I would suggest that you sort out yours.

Together we can take things less personally,

Together we can choose to leave our insecurities behind,

Together we can change the way we interpret things,

Together we can choose to accept each other flaws and all,

Together we can move forward in a positive light,

Together we can change the energy that we live in.

This poem is 3/8 in a series of poems that I wish to send the reader on a journey of emotional transformation with.

[thrutheeyesofme]

Routine Before Creation; A Trauma Response

I wake up every morning, Filled with life, Flowing with vigor, Beaming with enthusiasm.

The day is here for me to create, A total blank canvas for my own creation, An open page of endless possibilities, Just ready for me to make the first move.

I could… Paint a self portrait, Design a new dance step, Model something out of clay, Write love letters to myself, Endless energy for creative play.

But first, let's get the basics out the way, Breakfast, cup of tea and news, Teeth, poop then shower, Some light housework and errands, Decide what to cook for dinner.

I do a quick run to the supermarket, Pick up some lunch on the way home, Put on that load of washing, Send that email I need to write, And get my dinner prep done.

Exhausted by all this running around, I need to recharge. Brew a quick cuppa, Put my feet up to rest, Take a quick 10min power nap, And then the day is mine to create.

…What was I going to do again? Oh yes, spontaneous day of creation, Harness my relentless optimism of the day, Surrender to the flow of magical possibilities, Channel it into active, positive modes of creation.

But the time in my day is getting limited, Enthusiasm is starting to wane, And my momentum is being lost. I start to think about all the mess, And the thought of cleaning it up.

….All my creative enthusiasm is gone. Silenced by my default daily activities, Routine and discipline are my trauma response, Fear of being judged and as labelled lazy, Pleasure and creativity gets lost along the way.

I get stuck in my need to present perfectly, Making sure everything is in order before I can start my day, Chores before play, Hard Work before reward, Vegetables before dessert, I am pre-programmed that enjoyment is a bargaining chip.

But that rule is a silly made up illusion, A trauma response inherited from our parents. Humans are naturally creative beings, Creativity, joy and play are our default, Our true catalyst for feeling alive.

Life in its beauty is all about creation, It flows through our veins as magic, Unable to be captured or stored, It needs to be embraced in the moment, Regardless if your bed has been made or not.

Creation is something I have to commit myself to, A nourishing practice that fulfils my soul, A rejuvenating outlet that brings me back to life, A daily non-negotiable for my well being, A purpose greater than working the 9 to 5.

Because if we aren't creating, What is the point of life? Eat, sleep, marry and pay taxes? That isn't the life I expected for myself, This won't be the life I create for myself.