#everything seems so small
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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hold- wait a fucking minute...
Beelzebub is acting really freaking weird in this scene.
Ok so I encourage you to rewatch it cause I can't really properly illustrate it in gifs, but they don't sound irritated, or even particularly intimidating. We know Beezlebub to be a very dry person, even in moments they want something and need to manipulate/ convince someone for it. So this abnormally animated and even somewhat friendly demeanor doesn't strike me as part of buttering Crowley up to get him to help them.
This is a weird line. We know Beelzebub isn't like Shax, they've been around a bit more and have a better grasp on things like tone and figurative language. There's almost no way they're unaware that saying this would immediately clue Crowley in to the fact that Heaven and Hell do in fact have communication, so they must want him to know. For whatever reason, it's important to them that Crowley knows they're a reputable source.
And then I remembered where I've heard that tone before.
It's nearly the exact same one Crowley uses to tell Aziraphale that he needs to protect them. It's the kind of tone you use when you need someone to read between the lines and understand more than you can safely tell them. Beelzebub is fully ready to believe Shax when they say Gabriel's in the bookshop, and acknowledge later that Aziraphale was a very fitting and likely candidate to harbor him. They know full well Crowley doesn't want jack shit to do with Hell, and would probably be offended if anything by anyone referring to his "nasty little heart". That is merely a performance to mask what they're really trying to tell him, which is that Aziraphale is in danger.
Without this detail Crowley very well could've turned Gabriel in to Heaven instead of Hell, he certainly doesn't see much difference between the two. Beelzebub is the reason he decisively doesn't, and races home in a panic.
And I think it's genuinely so sweet, this moment of understanding and comradery between them that goes unnoticed, even to Crowley. They drop the shtick and make sure that he knows the book of life is a real threat, and you only need to be merely involved in hiding him to be erased from it. Because to them, there's also the very real possibility that Crowley knows about Gabriel while Aziraphale doesn't, so they're double checking Crowley will not to tell him and instead go straight to them. There’s just something so protective in it.
#idk how to end this post#blah blah blah the queer experience of finding small ways to protect eachother#especially when there seems to be so precious few of you against everything#‘’I know what it’s like’’#’’please look out for mine; and I’ll look out for yours.’’#good omens#ineffable husbands#ineffable bureaucracy#Crowley#aziraphale#Gabriel#beezlebub#aziracrow#meta#analysis#biceratops
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fma 03 bad ending 👍
#fma#fma 03#fma 2003#fma dante#edward elric#described in alt text#frogs.art#very normal about this idea i have misery in my heart. i’m sorry ed is just so emotionally whumpable. suffer my son#she was going to steal roses body to revenge fuck edward. GIRL!!!! WHY!!!!!! compells me though.#my horrible colonizer woman :)#i liked playing with hair in this piece. dante’s cut it short. it’s one small way she’s violated rose on top of everything else#that’s what ed is fixated on in this moment#but his own hair draws attention as well#we don’t see his face his hair is the only identifying factor. he looks like hohenheim. blah blah blah#but SHE can see his face in this moment.. and it doesn’t seem like she likes what she sees#yknow#???????#not pictured: the child they’re raising together :)#anyway i feel absolutely twisted for drawing this please enjoy#yknow. i should trigger tag this but idk how. its in the Implications (tm) not active depiction#sooooo….#ask to tag#?
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Yesterday, in NYC, a man lit a woman, who was sleeping in a subway car, on fire until she died. So the man arrested will be charged with terrorism as well as murder, correct? His attack was also threatening the lives of other homeless people (which it is assumed she was so). Surely he will also be charged with terrorism for scaring those people, right?
Or is it only terrorism when rich people are threatened?
Also, surely the fact the person who did this being an undocumented immigrant won’t be mentioned in every single news article about it, right? A woman was brutally murdered. Who gives a shit where the perpetrator is from, all we should care is that he is detained and punished.
Right?
We all agreed to this, right?
Or does race and immigration status only matter when a non-white and or undocumented immigrant commits a crime?
Same place, same police.
And I think we all know how differently this murder will be treated. And why.
#as far as I can tell she hasn’t been identified yet and it seems she was homeless#SHE WAS ASLEEP!#you could not have gotten more non threatening than what she was doing#it pisses me off that the media isn’t covering blake livelys lawsuit and horrific allegations but were so fast to capitalize on Johnny#depps lawsuit#it pisses me off this woman’s death will be nothing more than a small news article where it’s possible her name may never even be found#but both luigi and Thompson will have every single aspect of their live transcribed and memorialize fucking pisses me off#the fact that Thompsons murder will be portrayed as outrageous while this woman’s murder#a woman BURNT ALIVE#one of the most painful ways to die#will be forgetton#even if she is identified#there won’t be her picture everywhere hashtags about her journalists painstakingly documenting everything#the obvious hypocrisy in this murder compared to Luigi’s murder is obvious and painful#I know it holds so much symbolic value fuck American healthcare I am completely on board 100% agree#but I think people are so hypocritical criticizing police for only working so hard on a murder when it’s a rich guy (true) while the masses#including me#are obsessed with a case about two rich white men#I’m not at all saying what luigi did shouldn’t be praised and focused on and talked about not at all#but just as a current events and true crime girlie (derogatory) it just always bothers me that cases that go big involve rich white people#almost always#this post was meant to be purely criticizing how authorities are handling this case but ig also a slight condemnation for making this#attention so rare#does thins make sense#rae’s rambles#luigi mangione#current events
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various sonic and flash related tweets i made that i think are at least mildly amusing
#opm#flashy flash#speed o sound sonic#i was thinking man tumblr is so much better for fandom than twitter#the categorization…. the longevity….#but then i was like damn but i still barely use it for stuff like this#current culture here seems less receptive of short form low effort content like this#+ dwindling popularity of tumblr in general F#opm fandom so much more active in twitter (altho it is still pretty small) but everything disappears easily#so like. i figure i’ll try to both preserve some of my silly thoughts on here + do my part to keep the fandom active#also wow i seriously use the same phrasing a lot in these tweets im noticing#im the laugherrrr#had to frankenstein a picture onto one of these cos twitter crop was not doing me any favorss#see if u can spot it#opm txt posts
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I never touched it but I feel like i only ever hear positive things said about song of achilles.. in (rough strokes at least) what makes it dogshit to you?
Okay it's been a while since I actually read it so some of this might not be spot on accurate. Sorry if at any point I say 'the book never does xyz' and it actually does once or twice but I think my underlying criticisms are accurate
-Patroclus is made into like this soft gentle tender quivering little yaoi boy. In the source text, he's shown as compassionate and moved by the suffering of his own men (and apparently having some medical skill, tending to the wounded in the camp), but very much invested n combat and very, very good at it (pages worth of descriptions of the guys he's killing left and right). In this, the arguably more complex character from this 8th century BC text is flattened into Being A Healer, he doesn't want to go to war he just wants to help people, he only goes because Achilles has to but he doesn't want to fight he's a HEALER he's a gentle lover NOT A FIGHTER who just wants to help he just wants to help everyone around him he HEALS while Achilles is a doomed warrior who is so good at fighting and KILLING its a DICHOTOMY GUYS!!!LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL SUN AND MOON DOOMED LOVERS SO SAD patocluse HEALER . (I Think he's specifically characterized as being BAD at fighting but might be misremembering)
-I don't remember much about Achilles' characterization I think it just makes him less of a jackass while not adding anything of interest and levels out into being mad boring.
-Not getting into the literal millenias old debate whether the mythological characters Achilles and Patroclus were being characterized as some type of lover by the original oral sources of the Iliad or its Homeric writers. We will never know. We don't even know what (if any) culturally accepted conventions of male homosexuality existed in bronze age Greece (we know much more about their descendants). But there are some interesting elements of their characterization in this direction, with how unconventional their relationship is WITHIN the text itself- Patroclus is described as cooking for Achilles and his guests (very specifically a woman/wife's job), Achilles chides Patroclus like a father, but there's also scene where Achilles' mourning of him directly echoes a passage of Hector's wife mourning her husband, Patroclus is explicitly stated to Achilles' elder, and is overall treated as his equal or near-equal, closest confidant and most beloved friend (to the point that pederastic classical Greeks would debate over who was erastes (older authority figure lover) and who was eromenos (adolescent 'beloved')- many took it as a given that this text depicted their present-day cultural norms of homosexual behavior but it existed so Outside of these norms that it had to be debated who was who). Their relationship is non-standard both within the text and to the descendants of the civilization that wrote them.
Basically what I'm saying is this book had opportunities to like, explore the unconventionality of the relationship (being presented here as explicitly lovers), explore the dynamics of why Patroclus wants to do 'women's work' (besides being a tenderhearted softboy), the weird dynamics where they take on paternal roles to each other but also roles of wives, how they feel about being this way, and just kind of Doesn't. Which I guess isn't an intrinsic fault (because it omits much of what I just talked about to begin with). it's just like.... Lame. This book takes jsut abandons everything interesting about the source text in favor of flattening it into bland Doomed Yaoi.
-The conflict that sets off the core story of the Iliad is Achilles and Agamemnon fighting over Briseis, an enslaved Trojan woman taken by Achilles as a war-trophy, Achilles spends most of the story moping because he was dishonored by his 'trophy' being taken. Achilles and Patroclus and everyone else are raping their captives, all the women in the story are either captured Trojans (or in the case of the free women within the walls of Troy, soon to be enslaved, and are slave owners themselves). Slavery as an institution and extreme patriarchal conventions are innate to the text and reflective of the context in which it was developed. You cannot avoid it.
But obviously you can't have your soft yaoi boys doing this, so the author has them capturing women to Protect Them from the other men. Their slaves are UNDER THEIR PROTECTION and VERY SAFE (and they might even Like And Befriend Them but I might be misremembering that. Briseis does though). Our heroes have apparently absorbed none of the ideals of the culture they exist in and the author seems to think "they're gay and aren't sexually attracted to their captives" would translate to them being outright benevolent (also as if wartime sexual violence is just about attraction and not part of a wider spectrum of violent acts to dehumanize and brutalize an accepted 'enemy')
In the source text, Briseis mourns Patroclus as being the kindest to her of her captors, who tried to get her a slightly better outcome by getting her married to Achilles (which probably would be the Least Bad of all possible outcomes for a woman in that situation, becoming a legal wife instead of a slave), and wonders what will happen to her now that he's gone. This is a really really sad, horrible, and compelling dynamic which could be fleshed out in very interesting ways but is instead is tossed entirely aside in favor of them being Besties. Like brother and sister.
All of the above pisses me off so much. If you don't want to engage in the icky parts of ancient/bronze age Greece then don't write a retelling of a story taking place in bronze age Greece. I'm not gonna get mad at children's adaptations of Greek myths or silly fun stories loosely based on them for omitting the rape and slavery but it is SO fundamental to the Iliad. If you're not willing to handle it, either fully omit it or better yet set your Iliad inspired yaoi in an invented swords-and-sandals setting where you can have all your heartbreaking tragic doomed lovers plot beats and not have to clumsily write around the women they're brutalizing.
-The author didn't seem to know what to do with Thetis and she made her just like, Achilles bitch mother who spends most of the story trying to separate our Yaoi Boys (iirc her disguising Achilles as a girl and hiding him on Scyros is made to be more about getting him away from Patroclus than trying to save her son from his prophesied doom in the Trojan War) until she sees how much they loooove each other and I think helps Patroclus' spirit get to the afterlife or something in the end?
-This is more of a personal taste gripe but it has that writing style I loathe where the prose feels less like a story and more like an attempt to string together Deep Beautiful Hard Hitting Poetic Lines that will look great as excerpts on booktok (might predate booktok but same vibe). It's all very Pretty and Haunting and Deep but feels devoid of real substance.
I really like The Iliad and The Odyssey in of themselves. They're fascinating historical texts that give a window into how 8th century BC Greeks told their stories, saw their world, interpreted their ancestors, etc. And genuinely I think these texts have 'good' characters, there's a lot of complexity and humanity to it.
WRT the Iliad- all of the main Achaeans are pretty fascinating, the one singular part where Briseis Gets To Talk and laments her situation is great, Achilles fantasizing that all of the Trojans AND the Achaeans die so he and Patroclus alone can have the glory of conquering Troy (wild), Achilles asking to embrace Patroclus' shade and reaching out for him but it's immaterial (and the shade being sucked back underground with a 'squeak' (the squeak kinda gets me it's disturbing and sad)), Hecuba talking about wanting to tear out Achilles' liver and eat it in a (taboo, exceptioally pointed) expression of rage and grief for his mutilation of her son's corpse, just one tiny line where the enslaved women performing ritual wailing for their dead captors are described as using it as an outlet to 'grieve for their own troubles' is heartrending, etc. A lot of grappling with anger and grief and the inevitability of death, a lot of groundwork laid for characters that could be very interesting when expanded upon in the framework of a conventional novel.
And Song Of Achilles really doesn't do much with all that. I know a lot of my gripes here are kind of just "It's different from the Iliad", I would have thought of it as mostly mediocre and forgettable rather than infuriating if it wasn't a retelling (and I DEFINITELY have strong biases here). But I think the ways in which it is different are less just a product of a retelling (of course there's going to be omissions and differences) and more a complete and utter disinterest in vast majority of its own subject matter, to the book's detriment. I think a retelling has a point when it EXPANDS on the source, or provides a NEW ANGLE to the source. This book doesn't Really do either, it just shaves off the complexity of its source material, renders the characters into a really boring archetype of a gay relationship, and gives very little else. Its content boils down to a middling tragic romance that has been inserted into the hollowed out defleshed skeleton of the Iliad.
Bottom line: I definitely would not be as mad about it if I wasn't familiar with the source material but I think it's fair to expect a retelling to Engage with/expand on its source, and I also think it's weak purely on its own merits. This book was set up to disappoint Me specifically.
#Sorry this turned into a 100000 word essay on The Iliad it can't be helped#I read Circe by the same author and thought it was like.. better? Definitely not great just less aggravating and kind of boring#Just rote 'you heard about this villainous woman from a Greek myth... Here's the REAL story' shit#It did have a few things I thought were good I remember it starting kind of strong and then just going limp for the remaining duration#I think part of it is that in that case she's expanding on a figure that Didn't have a whole lot of characterization in the source so#like. She had to actually Expand The Character#Again Silence of the Girls is the only Greek Mythology Retelling I have like....positive?.leaning positive? feelings towards#I've got BIG issues with it too but it does pretty much the exact opposite of everything I'm mad at SOA for and in some very#compelling ways (it's just that the author seems way more interested in Achilles and Patroclus than The Main Character Briseis#to the point of randomly starting to have Achilles POV interjections (which I thought were Good in of themselves but#really really really really really really really didn't need to be there) and then get kind of lampshaded by Briseis narrating 'I guess I#was trapped in Achilles' story the whole time lol!!!!!!')#It undermines the book on both a thematic level and just like. a construction level like it's real sloppy at times.#Also the Briseis POV sometimes has these like really out of place Author Mouthpiece Moments where she's very obviously#Stating The Point to the audience and it's like yeah we get it. We get it.#Wow in the scene were our mostly silent enslaved protagonist removes the gag from the mouth of a dead sacrificed girl as a#small but significant act of defiance and grieving in a book called 'Silence of the Girls' you inserted an ironic repeat of the line#'silence befits a woman'. in italics even. Thanks for that. I could not possibly have grasped the meaning of this scene if you didn't#spell it out for me like that. Thank you.#Actually hang on the only Greek mythology retelling I have unequivocally positive feelings for are the 'Minotaur Forgiving'#songs on 'This One's For The Dancer And This One's For The Dancer's Bouquet'. Fully love it. Like not just as songs I think it#does function well as a narrative and engages with and expands on the source in really beautiful and creative ways
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"Ah.. morning already?"
#bsd chuuya#bungo stray dogs#bsd#bungo stray dogs chuuya#bungou stray dogs chuuya#bungou stray dogs#bsd dazai#skk#soukoku#(I'm still having the worst art block(?) ever)#(Its not that I cant draw I suppose but more everything I draw doesnt seem exciting?)#(I suppose that is what art block is hahaha)#(Drawing small things everyday might hopefully break me out of this I'm not sure)#(So hello I am actually active this time as a daily blog)#(Anyway thats Dazais hand)#(But if you want it to be your hand I will not stop you)
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“When I held you, actually saw you for the first time, I fully realized how vulnerable you were. You’re such a small thing, can’t see or hear, just have to trust the people around you are friendly, won’t hurt you. I… thought of hurting you, Skip. It would’ve been so easy to have crushed you, to have killed you and never have to worry about you taking over my body again. But you were there in my hands, trembling, terrified, and despite where my thoughts travelled, all I wanted to do in that moment was protect you.”
Was looking at some of my old doodles of these two and wanted to redraw this one. Never posted the original cus I didn’t like how it came out, but I still liked the little paragraph I had next to it, so here :-]
Edit: Speed paint here :)
#my art#described#dimension 20#a starstruck odyssey#norman takamori#skip takamori#skipperskip#they are so everything to meeeeeeee#Norman vs intrusive thoughts: Norman 1 IT 0#I love thinking of the hypothetical moment norm actually sees Skip for the first time and is like. ‘oh my god. small lil guy……….’#norman is constantly checking in the med bay after to see if Skip’s okay. ‘still breathing? okay good good. good.’#and while Skip is unconscious he can minorly detect norman’s psychic signature. and it’s a big comfort to him. the rest of the crew notice-#-skip seems… more at ease whenever norman’s checking on him. they’re not even sure if Skip knows he’s doing it or if it’s entirely subconsc.#anyway. *points* I like the slug and his man
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Sometimes I get hope for unraveled but then I remember how much of an ick I got from keefe when reading unlocked and get sad again
#I hate the way he talked to fitz#I didnt enjoy his pov at all honestly it seemed to just point out all his flaws without acknowledging that they were flaws#I mean maybe it would get addressed in unraveled idk#it did have good moments I won’t deny#but I don’t like how there was so much praise out of Sophie as if she were perfect#she’s not perfect and that’s okay#it feels like he’s putting an expectation on her#he also seemed really cocky at the part where he was going i fix everything#I know he’s flawed and I love him for it#but reading from his pov didn’t hit for me#some parts I did like was him wanting to focus if the small victories I think that was sweet#it’s not completely bad I’m just dramatic about the cliffhanger on stellarune#but yeahhh#though the way KEEFE talked about fitz pissed me off cuz at that moment fitz seemed to have every good intention#also the way he doesn’t hesitate to announce emotions pisses me off#ugh I have such a love hate relationship with him and THSI series in general#I feel like over time I seem the liek the writing less and less :(#I wanna be 10 picking it up at the library for the first time again#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#anti keefe sencen
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Okay. Moe time
This is what I was talking about, yesterday. Where I think Moe's face ended up being too wide, in comparison to Alfonse and esppp Sharena. The way I draw each -- Alfonse has the longest face frame/sharpest jawline, Sharena's face is smaller but still kinda pointed that same way. In plush form, the way these two look translates that well, I think! Kinda. Enough, to get the idea across anyway. Meanwhile, Moe just has a lot of softer rounder features in general, and is closer to Sharena in proportions/frame than it is Alfonse. So, to capture that, I wanted Moe's face to be closer in size to Sharena's.
I wanted to show what I was talking about, cinching in the fabric to change the face shape!
You start off with a ladder stitch, pull it in, and there! Easy as that! (Any knots I've made on the outside aren't gonna matter for Moe specifically, btw. I still have a whole chunk of hair to add on top!)
Here, you have a comparison -- at this point I've done this to each side. On the left (first pic) I've doubled the ladder stitching, though. Just went over it again. Extra secure! And hides any messy stitching (second pic, where each side is doubled now).
There! Reshaped! And since Moe's ears ended up being too big too --
I. Very carefully. Trimmed the ears. Very very carefully. Sealed them w modge podge so they don't fray. Also carefully applied some modge podge in the gaps of the washers in Moe's ears. Even though I closed them up, the fabric is so thin I could see them coming off through the tiniest gaps. So. Filled those gaps. Problem Solved 👍
There! It looks slightly more on-model, now!!!! YIPPPEEEEEEE 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 (again that bright ass yellow blonde has to go, but. We're still in testing stage.)
Funnily enough, a little extra lore -- that's why Sharena's hair looks like that, too. I feel like I need a full body with maybe the second layer of clothing (at VERY least), before I know where/how I want to position her wing tufts and where her hair ties off in the lowest of ponytails! (... CAN that be considered a ponytail actually...?) So, she's kinda stuck in a prototype/general shapes down stage, too. For now! 🫡
#moe tag#diy plush#it's kinda fun to give updates/show how i'm doing things as i go along!#i don't think i did that for the other two? i only did like. big updates/bitch about alfonse's hair. the usual tbh#like. the standard askr sibling brain curse experience LMFAOO#if moe's head seems small i'm gonna have to reshape as i do the hair. everything should balance out eventually#but so far so good!#fe alfonse#sharena
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had such a good time im going to think and smile to myself for the next two weeks
#talked to THE senior for first time oh my god i can try to act nonchalant but he's definitely something not the college trophy for nothing#im definitely so influenced by him#he's graduated now and i thought id never get to talk to him but i see him in person in starstruck more than ill ever be for any celebrity#my eyes keep looking at him all the time just to makeout what kind of person he is#and ofcourse hes just normal but thankgod i got to experience it#the confrence the people everything was so grand it makes you want to get better and bigger in person#and to remember how it feels like to speak again its a shame i don't do public speaking enough even after seniors asking me to do it#its so powerful i was so good at school and i know ive the potential for being a good orator no idea why im holding back#the only way for me to feel alive is to attend these conferences and talk to great personalities and realise how big the world is which can#seem so small when you're stuck at the same university between same hundred people#argghgff my heart is glowing bright red
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Wholeheartedly believe Loki could get a few followers on social media and it would go to his head. He doesn’t need to fight the Avengers on the regular anymore because he’s busy making posts and chatting with random people with his ‘RP Earthsona’ etc.
#Asgard has a small population so Loki sees the follower count go to 200 and just... quits as a villain#he has more than enough attention#now his stunts aren’t for evil they’re for likes and requests his followers gave that he seemed appropriate#you can’t suggest things like murdering innocents because he wants to keep his account safe for his younger followers#the avengers find out about his online presence very late#by the time they find out what’s happened everything is chill#Thor like ‘this was the suggestion I left haha!! he enjoyed the cat cafe!! ^-^’#he is doing drawing requests
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men are so disappointing in so many ways i know i shouldn't expect most of them to be dignified humans but it's crazy. i need to get over this guy he's making my sense of self crumble even faster than it usually does. like he's just so unlike my usual type and i'm pretty convinced he's stupid and slutty and not discerning whatsoever. not to mention boring like i know even if i did have a chance with him he wouldn't Get Me at all so it's a bigger waste of time that usual and i'm actually pretty tired of men in general and definitely tired of parasocial relationships because they drive me insane for months typically. thankfully it's only been like 2 weeks if that at this point. idk. sigh. i know literally virtually nothing abt him as a person and ofc liking any public figure who you know nothing about is only setting yourself for heartbreak and disappointment to begin with bc you already know nothing is gonna come from it but. in a way it's almost addictive to become obsessed with someone and not be looked at with the same level of scrutiny. i don't think anyone in real life would ever try to get to know me as much as i try to get to know people who i'll never even meet. lmao! but that's the thing... idk... i have a lot of love in my heart and it consumes me and i reject my pride usually when i'm into someone. i want to know more... like VORACIOUSLY consuming anything with information about them involved simply because i think knowing someone is a very deep form of love but of course you can never truly know anyone. not completely. and that scares me i think which is why it's always probably been easier for me to never really TRY to be with anyone or have anything real. idk. this turned into me psychoanalyzing myself real quick but SOMEONE needs to bc i need to understand what the fuck is wrong w me.
#like i'm not gonna lie and say i do this every time i'm even vaguely interested in someone. most of the time i'm just like 'ooo hottie'#and then save a bunch of pics before either the shame gets to me or i just stop caring and move on. happens quite a bit more than my#obsessive episodes. the worst one was absolutely the fact that i was obsessed with jeremy for basically 3 years and spent two hating him#simply because i thought i was owed anything. honestly i think i was just very very insanely depressed. that's probably why those#obsessive periods even happen to begin with because i have felt so so horrible like soul ripped out horrible the past few weeks lmao#and i think i'm just a grasp for any light in the dark type person like it doesn't even necessarily mean anything the person is just someon#i attach significance to them when i do this shit but i know deep down that i'm owed nothing and that i truly expect nothing#it's just nice to have a distraction from my life. and dgmw that doesn't make me any less schizo about certain details and happenings#like i'll still think that 'oh they're only doing that because i'm into them' or 'they only went here because it was related to something i#was thinking about earlier' and whatever else. i know what i am. i don't claim to be anything else. and i know it puts people off.#and that i'm not likely to get any better if i keep doing it. if it's even possible for me to get better. but idk. it's interesting bc i've#thought more about what my life means to me and the kind of person i am and how my brain works and how everything affects me#more in the past few weeks than i seem to have in the last 5 years. i think i'm really getting better at accepting hard truths.#time spent by yourself is still time spent with the world.... and the more i think... even if it's hurtful... i'm growing and changing all#the time. i don't think if this was 4 years ago i would've even acknowledged the fact that i can't write off on This Guy's zionism#and other things about him that give me the ick (hate that phrase but whtevr) like him playing that gay hogwarts game and being a nepo baby#like bro you have trans friends and supposedly always 'look out for the small guy'. he's also never dated a fat girl despite his mom being#kind of a trailblazer for fat women in the entertainment industry. there's always rumors of him dating literally ever costar he's ever#worked with i guess simply because he seems like that kind of guy. and to be fair he does LMAO#honestly i don't know if i believe he's a bad person but i won't sign off on a guy i like being boring and stupid. that's just me#i'm sure ppl reading this who also don't Get Me are wondering why any of this even matters and the point is that it kind of doesn't lmao#but it's my life and i typically choose to care about people who will never even know i exist. unpopular girl instinct i suppose. maybe i'm#destined to be unloved or something but for now i wear fantasies like a blanket. maybe one day i won't need them anymore. but i def#do not need to center my romantic ideals on a guy i would be embarrassed to tell people i'm dating if i were actually dating him. rough#now just give me a month to get over it and finish the 2nd season of a show i like that he's in and i'll be rid of it hopefully. we'll see
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Get yourself a friend who'll borrow you books like this:
(or alternatively, get yourself a friend who doesn't do it a couple of weeks before your final state exams. Ugh, must... focus... on... studying...)
Still, goals though 💅
#it seems pretty balanced so far? I can definitely see why it says a 'humanising portrait' on the cover#the writing is definitely good#maximilien robespierre#catch me reading this until the small hours and learning precisely nothing about the development of 20th century historiography#french revolution#as Wilde said I can resist everything except temptation#frev#frev community#robespierre#history books#french history#fatal purity#biography
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sua, hongjoong and yunho dancing to bon voyage on idol radio 🥰
#shrimp gifs#sua#dreamcatcher#hongjoong#yunho#ateez#kpop#sua's an amazing teacher indeed :') she's so cute and full of energy and makes everything seem fun and effortless#love how the two last gifs are almost 2x longer than the previous ones... lol i wanted to make them all ~3 seconds long but the gifs were#surprisingly... small as files? nowhere nearing 10mb. i wonder why#so i went ahead and made the 4th one longer because you simply Can't divide that cute side step into two lol#not pictured: sua praising yunho for his hip work wwwwwww
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It's beautiful how Bobby woke up, and then the show continued with scenes dedicated to families. First, Chimney and Maddie with Hen and Karen talking about Mara's current whereabouts and how she's doing. Followed up by Buck and Tommy, with Buck admitting that Bobby is more like a father figure to him than his actual father, and Tommy, who opens up about his estranged father and his complicated relationship to his former captain Gerrard. Then we have the Diaz family and Eddie's once biggest nightmare: losing Chris to his own parents. Except his parents aren't the villains because he messed up, and Chris made that decision for himself. Finally, back to the hospital with Bobby, Athena, May and Harry, who may have lost many valuable belongings but to whom everything most important is still in the room.
#911#911 abc#911 spoilers#bucktommy#bathena#henren#madney#911 musings#me hoping no one saw my former version with a small mistake#whoopie#anyway#i loved these follow up scenes so much#especially bathena and bucktommy#and how madney support henren later on by fostering mara until henren can finally adopt her#these scenes also heavily imply how comfortable buck feels around tommy already#how much he considers him an important part of his life#after such a stressful day with the diaz drama and worrying about his father figure he wanted to end this day on a high note#with his BOYFRIEND#and then there's the diaz drama#i wonder if eddie realizes how lucky he is as a single parent to have such a huge support system#his best friend#who made a huge difference with carla#his abuela#his parents#his girlfriends who've all been supportive concerning chris#sometimes it seems like he's taking everything for granted... especially buck#rather than acknowledging how goddamn lucky he is to have so many people who support him (including his parents)
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