#everything just went right with this one it's like the stars aligned for me lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

squarebracketsmileyface · 2 months ago

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do you ever picture what things would be like if, somehow, the stars aligned and allowed Tim and Brian to reunite sooner? i had a dream last night where they found each other when Tim was HEAVILY pregnant with Birdie/Birdie was still a teeny-tiny baby, and Brian felt so guilty over losing Jark (Jay/Lark) and overall everything that Hoodie had caused (i go by Joseph DeLage's statement that Brian wasn't in control/not in full control when he was in Hoodie ModeTM), so Brian just went, 'i have to atone for my involvement, and do good by Jark and be a shoulder to lean on for Tim/bonus parent for tiny Birdie since Jark isn't here' and i've been Fucked Up ever since X_X

also, this just gave me the funniest image of Brian just casually wheeling down the sidewalk in Wherevertown going to wherever he needs to be, and ten yards ahead is Tim (with his back to Brian so he doesn't realize immediately), either pregnant AF or carrying baby Birdie in a carrier or whatever, having to stoop/squat to pick up something he'd dropped on the ground; either Brian sees Tim's ass as he's bending over and thinks 'gawd dayum' OR Brian's not as far behind, so when Tim drops the thing, Brian comes to save the day because he carries around a little grabber/pair of salad tongs in the even this situation happens to HIM. Tim either stands up and turns enough for Brian to see his face OR they do the little cliche romcom movie thing where they both just happen to look up at the same time and immediately meet eyes O_O

dear god this got long, one and one thousand pardons aaa

Oh my god I fucking love this. I hadn't thought about this before, but I'm definitely going to now, because god that'd be amazing, things would probably turn out so much more easily for Tim if this had happened. Because in 'canon' he lost Jay, Brian and Alex all at the same time and he feels awful about it. Like sure, Brian isn't dead, but Tim doesn't know that and he massively blames himself for it. He was the reason Brian let go of that ledge and landed just wrong enough for it to kill him. He didn't go back soon enough to check on Brian, to see if he actually was dead, and if he wasn't, was just passed out or paralysed, Tim not going back to check would have doomed him anyway; no one would have known where he was, Benedict hall was abandoned so chances were that no one would find Brian lying there for hours, and if he had internal damage, that length of time was something that'd kill him.

This got... Long :)

Also calling Jay/Lark Jark is so fucking funny, I love it so much 💀

And also also, Tim bending over and Brian being like "👁️ Damn 👁️" At him is absolutely something that happens, in this lil au, and also just in 'canon' Sorry, It's Locked, that's just gonna be them for the rest of their lives. They're gonna be 80 year old men, and Tim's gonna bend over, and Brian's gonna whoosh past him and smack his ass on the way by. They're gonna be sickeningly in love forever. They're gonna be head over heels for each other for the rest of their lives.

This was really fun to think about. I'm probably not gonna get round to actually working on S,IL until after Christmas now, so it was fun to be able to dash out a longish thing about S,IL without having to care about continuity or making it read nicely and all that lol.

So Tim reuniting with Brian right after losing him? I'm thinking they meet before the crossroads episode, while Tim's still trying to get his life sorted out and figure out what to do, where to go, how to be a single parent of a newborn who constantly reminded him of the partner he'd lost. He was in hell. He was beating himself up for everyone's deaths, practically feeling like they were done by his own hands, even though only Alex's was. So if he dropped something, carrying baby Birdie and maybe some shopping bags in his hands, so he couldn't easily grab it himself, and he saw a lil grabber coming out of nowhere to pick the thing up for him, and turned around to be faced with Brian? I think he'd probably have a break down in the street, a little.

I think at first he wouldn't let himself be fully convinced it's actually Brian. He hasn't seen Brian's face since uni, pretty much, except on the tapes, and they're blurry as all hell, so he tries not to get his hopes up. He tries not to kid himself that this helpful guy is Brian. He's thinner than Brian ever was, he has a beard and mustache than Brian never had, he's in a wheelchair and he looks much more subdued than Brian ever did. But this guy's eyes just widen, and he almost whispers Tim's name, like he's also terrified of this being nothing but a cruel twist of the universe.

So Tim whispers his name back, disbelieving and on the verge of tears, putting his grocery bags on the floor and holding Birdie tighter because he just needs to. And Brian nods with tears in his eyes and his lip wobbling a bit as he tries to figure out what he should even say. What do you say to the best friend you haven't seen in years? What do you say when that friend is kinda of the reason you have a spinal cord injury? What do you say when that friend has a baby in his arms and you don't even know enough about his life anymore to know how or when or who.

In the end he just settles on "I'm sorry."

Tim stares at him like he has two heads, almost angry as he asks what the fuck Brian has to be sorry for. Tim's the one to blame for Brian's current situation, Tim's to blame for everything! But Brian is the one apologising? They stay in the street like that for a while, probably too long with how many people step onto the road to walk around them, giving them a mixture of concerned and irritated looks. Eventually they decide to move, head back to Brian's place because Tim knows the lift up to his apartment is broken and has been for ages (he hadn't thought it'd matter before, he wasn't going to be staying there long, planning on moving away from that goddamn town, that goddamn state as soon as humanly possible).

They talk on the way there, Brian offering to carry things for Tim, but realising that the only thing he could really carry would be Birdie in her little baby wrap carrier, because Tim's grocery bags are those really big ones and would tip over really easily if Brian so much as leant forwards an itch. And Tim's not going to just hand his baby over. Sure, this is Brian, but he's been a somewhat malicious seeming presence in Tim's life for years now and he can't quite trust him, not yet, not with his baby, not with the last living piece of Jay that he had left. So they make their way slowly slowly slowly across town, Tim taking frequent breaks any time they get to somewhere he can sit for even a minute.

They talk about everything. Absolutely everything they can.

Brian asks about Birdie first.

"what's their name?" "She's called Birdie."

"That's a nice name, and she's yours?" "Yeah... All mine." Tim says that but with tears in his eyes and his bottom lip curling over as he tries not to cry.

"Yours and..." "Yeah, mine and Jay's." Tim's voice is all croaky when he answers and they reach another place he can sit down, because he just needs a moment to put his bags down again and wrap both of his arms gently around Birdie's tiny body where it's wrapped securely against his chest.

"I'm so sorry." "She's all I have left of him, didn't even know I was pregnant until after he was gone... Finding out was..." "A lot?" "I felt like I was suffocating."

Brian just nods. He feels awful. He feels just as much like this is his fault as Tim does and they finish the rest of their walk in mostly silence. They don't let the conversation stray back to difficult things when they get back to Brian's place, it's just as shitty as Tim's apartment, but it's at least fairly accessible, and he and Brian try to keep things normal for a bit, trying to catch up like they were just normal people who'd lost touch after uni. But they can't really do that, can they? Because they aren't normal people, Tim had thought Brian was dead for years, only to find out he'd been wrong when he thought he was watching him die again. Brian had stolen Tim's meds, he'd stalked him and Jay around for months on end and made them feel almost as unsafe as Alex had.

They aren't normal people.

So the topic finds its way back to MH. They talk about what they remember, about uni and what had happened to Brian when he disappeared after that. Tim finds out that Brian barely remembers most of the last few years, felt like he was watching his body getting piloted around by someone else while he was trapped inside, and he tells Brian about his own memory loss.

Brian remembers at least some scattered bits and pieces from the times he and Tim in the mask were together. He talks about the relief of knowing that Tim was at least alive still, and about how even when he felt like he had no control over himself, he was glad that his body seemed to remember that Tim wasn't a threat, was someone he cared about, someone he loved. He also talks about the end, when he'd let go of that ledge and for the first time in years that felt like an action he had been fully in control of.

He doesn't regret it, he also isn't somehow happy he did it, it was just a thing that happened. What he's really glad for is the fact that Tim didn't have to go the rest of his life thinking he'd killed someone, that he'd killed him. Tim tells him about Alex, about how he had killed someone, and there was no mistaking it for an accident like there could have been with Brian. Tim had slit Alex's throat with Jay's penknife, mercy for Alex and revenge for Jay.

They talk and talk and talk, have dinner together before Tim has to leave to put Birdie to bed properly and take some time to himself so he can scream into a pillow. They get each other's phone numbers though, they refuse to lose contact with each other again.

They meet up as often as they possibly can after that first accidental time, mostly just spending their time at Brian's place, just talking. Tim obviously brings Birdie with him every time, he doesn't have anywhere he can leave her, doesn't have a childminder or anything, and, y'know, she's a newborn, she's only a few months old. So she comes with him. The first few times, she stays in Tim's arms or his lap, he doesn't let go of her the whole time, and Brian doesn't ask to hold her. He gets it. He understands as much as he possibly can from what Tim's told him, about how she's all he has left of Jay, about how he just can't trust Brian with holding her just yet, needs to have her in his arms so he knows she's safe.

Tim's told him about the nightmares he has. He dreams about losing Jay, he dreams about losing Brian, and he especially dreams about losing Birdie. It's almost nightly, he wakes up terrified that she's been kidnapped, or hurt somehow, or that he himself has hurt her, has killed her like he killed Alex, like he thought he'd killed Brian and still can't quite believe he didn't... And like he killed Jay, like he let Jay die. If he'd just put his upset at Jay aside and said they could stick together while they were looking around Benedict hall, he'd have been with Jay when Alex shot him and maybe Alex would have thought twice about doing it, maybe he could have saved Jay.

So when one day Tim asks if Brian would like to hold Birdie, Brian understands just how big a deal it is. He nods, though, he says he'd love to hold her, and he doesn't say a word when Tim fusses around with making sure he's holding her correctly, making sure that the brakes are on on his chair so he won't roll, making sure that Birdie's still bundled up safe and warm. And then he hands her to Brian, and she's a squirmy little thing, making little baby noises and grabbing at him when he cradles her against his chest like Tim showed him, supporting her head and smiling at her with tears in his eyes, because yes, she looks like Jay... But she also looks like Tim.

She looks a bit like Tim did when the two of them first met.

It's her eyes, sure, the shape is more like Jay's, all too big and a bit buggy, a little droopy and looking incredibly strange in her tiny baby face, but the colour is exactly like Tim's.

Tim tells him more about his and Jay's relationship while he holds Birdie, letting her hold his finger and babbling back at her when she makes her little baby noises. Brian decides that he absolutely has to be there for Tim and Birdie. He doesn't even say anything about it to Tim, just decides it for himself as he listens to Tim talking about how he'd tried to count back the months to figure out when Birdie had been conceived. Tim jokes about feeling like a weirdo for it, but he just had to know, he had to figure out what point in their relationship Birdie had started, to know and remember that moment as happily as he could.

Brian listens to it all, he doesn't even really feel jealous, doesn't feel any sort of weird at hearing Tim talking about his last partner. He listens to everything Tim tells him about Jay, the good sides, the bad sides, how awful it was trying to live around being hunted down by Alex and the Operator. Tim even mentions the fact that Jay was clearly figuring out his gender and how awful it feels knowing that Jay never got to live comfortably in his skin before he died.

Brian just listens, he holds Birdie and he listens while Tim gets everything off his chest, and he decides that he's going to be there for him through anything, whatever comes their way, he'll be there with Tim, for Tim. He isn't even doing it because he still likes Tim, because he wants to be in a relationship with him again. He doesn't even necessarily want Birdie to grow up seeing him as her dad too. He just wants to be there for Tim in any way he'll have him, whether that's just as a friend, or as something more.

#asks #tim wright #brian thomas #mh brim #marble hornets #marble hornets fanfic #it basically turned into one. im so sorry. this is so long 💀#It's like 2k words 💀💀💀#mh sorry its locked #fic/series rated e on ao3 #in case anyone would prefer not to read that #jay merrick #mh jam #pretty girl propaganda au

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drabbles-mc · 2 years ago

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Over and Over and Over Again

Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff

Fic for @the-slumberparty Week 3 Challenge: Something New. The trope I got was time loop!

Warnings: 18+, blood/injury, canon-typical violence, angst, hurt/comfort, technically character death??? it's a time loop idk if it still counts lol

Word Count: 6.5k

A/N: Sooo just like the challenge title says, this was very much something new for me! I've never written a time loop fic so I hope this came out alright. I've been wanting to write more for Bucky and Nat and this felt like a good opportunity for that. Hope you enjoy! xo

MCU Taglist: @garbinge @artemiseamoon (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

He came-to, rattled by the pervasive feeling that he’d just been falling. His heart was racing in his chest, breathing labored which had him wondering if he really had fallen. His limbs felt heavy, and he could feel the sweat and grime on his face. The more he registered everything around him, the more familiar it all felt. The problem was, that though it felt familiar, it also felt wrong.

He finally made a point to look around the room he was in. It was abandoned, filthy, and almost completely empty. Craning his neck, he looked upward and was met with the sight of a shattered skylight. That would explain the falling sensation that had ripped through him.

Everything in his body felt just a little out of alignment. He went to roll his shoulders when he caught a glimpse of his arm and froze. That wasn’t right. He hadn’t been branded with a red star on his metal arm in years. That part of his life was long since over.

Once he realized that, all the other realizations came in rapid succession. He felt the mask covering the lower half of his face, his long hair stuck to the back of his neck with sweat. It was all wrong. He was all wrong. And he was wrong in a way that he hadn’t ever felt before, and until that moment he thought that he had felt every single kind of wrong there was. This was a body he no longer belonged in, a part of his life he had completely moved on from. He knew that because the rage that came with this body, the lack of control, none of that was there. He didn’t know what was happening, or why, but he wanted it to be over.

Reaching up, he went to tear the mask off his face, but it wouldn’t budge. The more he fought against it, the harder it became to breathe, one problem feeding right into the other. For all the mental control he had now, there was nothing he could do about the physical. He was stuck like this, in whatever place he was in, until he figured out how to undo it. Fix whatever was broken.

Once his breathing was as normal as it was going to get, he reached down and grabbed the large gun off the floor, slinging it across his body with ease before heading to the door that would lead him to the rest of the building.

He carefully made his way into the hall, scanning and his hand ready to reach for the handgun strapped to his thigh. He could hear chaos and gunfire outside. None of the voices were distinct enough to clue him into wherever the hell he was. Wherever it was, it wasn’t Brooklyn, that was for damn sure.

There were only two flights of stairs left between him and the exit when he heard another set of footsteps, these ones too close for comfort. He grabbed his handgun, flipping the safety off as the footsteps got closer. Whoever it was, was coming up the stairs towards him.

Then he saw her, the first real shred of relief he had in the center of this whole mess. He lowered his gun as he looked at her. Clearly, he wasn’t the only one who had been thrown into a past version of themselves.

Natasha had gone through countless looks over the years to go with her countless identities. He’d know her no matter what though. She couldn’t see it, but there was a small smile of relief on Bucky’s face as he continued down the stairs closer to her.

“Nat,” he said, his voice slightly distorted between the mask and the fact that he still hadn’t really caught his breath. He went to holster his handgun as he spoke. “I’m so—"

He was cut off by her shooting at him. He brought his metal arm up just in time to keep from getting shot in the head. His reflexes weren’t failing him yet. Even so, he couldn’t hide the shock on his face, in his eyes, at what was happening.

Bucky tried to think logically, but it was difficult when she was trying to put a bullet between his eyes. Maybe she didn’t really think it was him. Maybe she was just as lost and confused and assuming the worst. After all, Black Widow and The Winter Soldier didn’t have nearly the same kind of rapport or relationship as Natasha and Bucky. Two different sets of people, two different sets of lifetimes. He just had to prove to her that it was him.

Every moment they’d ever shared was running through his brain at warp-speed, but he couldn’t articulate any of them as he blocked each blow she tried to land. He couldn’t get any words out as he watched the rage in Natasha’s eyes, an anger that hadn’t been directed at him in so long, he almost forgot what it looked like.

He had been so focused on the intense look that he almost didn’t hear that she was talking. She wasn’t talking to him, even though she was looking at him. It took him more effort than he cared to admit to register what she was saying.

“Target acquired,” she grit out as she continued to try and take him down.

His heart plummeted into his stomach as he continued to try and fight her off. He still wasn’t trying to hurt her. He didn’t want to do that. The two of them had spent so many years at odds, through no fault of his own, and so many years after that rebuilding everything that was broken there. He didn’t want to go back on all of that now because of whatever new Hell he had been thrown into with her. He didn’t know if he would have it in him anymore.

So, he stayed on the defensive. He blocked and dodged and did whatever he could do not let her walk him down the last two flights of stairs. She was fighting with everything that she had, and it certainly wasn’t an easy fight for Bucky at this point either. It had been a long time since he felt so lost.

He deflected one of her punches, aggressively swiping her arm away. He pushed her, pinning her between his body and the unforgiving concrete wall behind her. He gripped her wrists, pinning her arms above her head, each movement rougher than he wanted it to be but there was nothing else he could do.

“Nat, it’s me,” he said desperately as she struggled against him.

Her expression didn’t soften at all at his pleading tone, no recognition in her eyes as the two of them continued to stare at each other. She took a deep breath, not breaking eye contact with him as she said, “I know,” before leveraging her weight against him, bringing her leg up and slamming her foot down on the top of his knee as hard as she could.

Bucky winced, his grip on her wrists loosening just enough for her to wrench one hand free. Bucky’s eyes went wide as he realized what she was doing. “Natasha please don’t—”

His words fell on deaf ears as she reached and grabbed one of the knives that he kept strapped to him. She brought her hand up and was about to bring the knife to his throat. Panic surged through him in a way that he thought he would never feel again. He didn’t know that he was still capable of feeling it. Sheer instinct took over, his body moving independently from his mind as he grabbed her wrist, cranking it harshly and turning it back on her, driving the blade directly into her chest.

They both fell to the floor in tandem, Bucky’s arms slipping around her as they both went down. He was making sure that her head didn’t smack off the concrete floor, like it would make any difference now, like she would even know why he was trying to show any shred of kindness.

He was trying to hold her, just as much for himself as for her, but with what little strength she still had left she was struggling against him. He kept apologizing over and over, trying not to think about the blood that was starting to drip from her body onto the floor. It didn’t stand out against her black clothing, but he could feel the tackiness of it beneath his fingers. The more he apologized, the more confused she looked.

“Natasha, please.” He reached for the blade that was jutting from her chest. “I’m so sorry.”

She reached up, her hand wrapping around his wrist. It would’ve been a vice grip if she hadn’t been bleeding out on the floor. He knew that. But for the moment, he was just soaking up the warmth that was bleeding from her palm into the thin strip of his wrist that was exposed. He could hear the footsteps getting closer as her grip got weaker. He didn’t even care about what was going to happen next.

Her hand fell to the floor, her body going limp in his arms at the same moment the door on the first floor got kicked in. He shut his eyes tight, dropping his forehead down so it rested against hers. He held onto her, waiting for the hits, the pain, everything that wasn’t coming.

Then he jolted awake on the cold concrete floor. He was gasping for breath as he lied there flat on his stomach. He coughed a few times, forcing himself up so that he was braced against his palms and his knees for a moment. Taking a deep breath, he stood upright, looking straight up at the ceiling. That’s when he saw the shattered skylight.

For a brief moment, he felt like he was going to throw up. He fought against it, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to pull the mask off his face. He tried to take a few deep breaths to try and steady himself, not that he was successful, not that they would do that much good anyway. None of it was making any sense.

He grabbed the gun off the floor again, and made his way to the door of the room again. Despite the fact that he’d done it before, he didn’t feel any more confident or in control as he walked out of the room and out into the hall. There was the same cacophony erupting outside as he made his way down the stairs. He stopped at the top of the same flight that he had last time, listening for what he now knew where Natasha’s footsteps. He was ready this time. Or, at least, he was as ready as he could try to be given the circumstances.

Then she was there. Just like before. He didn’t let himself get floored like he had the first time. He didn’t hesitate, didn’t let himself have any feeling of relief. He was only going to grant himself that when she recognized him. Which, with the way she was already firing her gun at him, clearly hadn’t happened yet.

They grappled, Bucky taking her to the floor in the hopes that it would make it easier to force her to stop for a second, to really look at him and listen to him. He just needed to make her really see him. If he could get her to set her rage aside for a moment, they might actually be able to get somewhere. He wondered how many times in the past someone had that same thought about him. He didn’t have the luxury of time to be able to think about it.

“You’re okay,” he grunted out as he fought to keep her pinned to the floor. “It’s me.” She was still struggling against him as he said, “It’s Bucky. I promise.”

Turning her hips slightly, she got him to shift just enough so that she could pull her one leg up, bringing her knee towards her chest for all of a moment before kicking him harshly right in the middle of his sternum, sending him backwards. Jumping up, she reached and pulled the other gun that she had holstered to her. She brought it up, firing one shot after another directly at his head, and he managed to block every single one. He almost didn’t want to, though.

He wondered for a brief moment if her killing him would be the only way to put him out of his misery. He didn’t want to keep doing this over and over again. He wasn’t strong enough for that kind of repetitive torture, not anymore. If him killing her didn’t do the trick, maybe her killing him would.

But then her gun ran out of bullets. Bucky knew for a fact that she had more ammo on her. In all the time he’d known her, Natasha had never gone anywhere underprepared. He found it curious, then, that she threw the gun off to the side and charged towards him. She was on him fast, and all Bucky could bring himself to do was shell up and try to block her blows. He was fighting every reflex that he had that was telling him to loft her off him and down the remainder of the stairs. He didn’t want that. He just wanted to get through to her.

The hits stopped for a moment. Pulling his arms away from his face so he could try to get a look at her, Bucky saw that she was, once again, reaching for the blade that he had on him. If there was a next time, he would be getting rid of that immediately. As it was, though, he allowed her to grab it and then promptly knocked it from her hand. It clattered against the concrete, both of them watching it for a moment before going back to looking at each other.

The anger in her eyes intensified as she grabbed the handgun from his thigh. Reaching up, he closed the hand of his metal arm over the barrel of the gun. His vice grip rendered the gun useless after she pulled the trigger the first time.

The sound of frustration that she let out as she ripped the gun out of his hands was something from deep in his memory banks, in one of the boxes that he tried to keep closed at all costs. She changed her hold on the gun, instead of using it for its intended purpose, she brought it down hard, cracking it against the side of his forehead.

He grunted in pain as he finally pushed her off him. “Natasha!” he yelled as he jumped to his feet, trying to back up a step to put some distance between them. “Please, just listen to me!”

She let out a sharp breath, shaking her head. “I don’t care about anything you have to say.”

“Don’t make me do this again.”

Confusion flashed across her face for a moment at his statement, but it was gone as quickly as it arrived as she charged at him one more time. They fought, nearly going right back to the ground again. Bucky managed to get a grip on her, his vibranium hand wrapping around her throat as he pinned her to the wall, keeping his arm extended and some distance between them. He wasn’t squeezing hard enough to kill her, not yet. He saw the panic in her eyes even it was something that she wouldn’t ever cop to.

“You know me,” he said with ragged breaths, “and I know you. Come on, Natasha. Look at me.”

She kicked at him, not that it did her any good. “If you’re going to kill me, just do it. Because I told you, I don’t care what you have to say, what lies you want to tell me.”

“Nat—”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence as she called out, alerting the rest of her team to where they were. He sighed, his head dropping, hair falling in front of his face. As much as he didn’t want to, he forced himself to look her in the eyes as his grip around her throat tightened.

“I’m so sorry.”

He woke up again. And again. And again. Each time he woke up in the same spot, with the same means. Each time he tried to change his tactics just slightly, hoping for a different outcome. He tried letting her just put a bullet in his skull. He was hoping that even the worst case scenario was that he would just die for real, even if it wasn’t the most optimal solution to getting out of the hell loop that he was stuck in. But it didn’t even do that. It didn’t free him, didn’t kill him. It just reset him.

He tried waiting for her to make it up all the stairs to get to him. He thought that maybe it would make it easier to get her to listen, but it didn’t. He tried getting her to follow him out of the building and into a different one. He tried to play the hand he’d been dealt every single way that he knew how, but none of the plays ever worked.

They all ended the same way: with Natasha dead, because of him. Over and over again he had her lifeless body sprawled across his lap, clutched tightly in his metal hand, strewn across the floor. Time after time he saw her bloody and bruised because of things that he had done.

For a moment he wondered if this was the universe making him pay for all of the things he’d done before. All the years of killing and violence finally catching up to him. The universe let him have a beat of happiness, of love, and now they were going to use it against him. Now that he knew how to love someone, how to let someone love him, the universe was just going to make him kill that person over and over again until, well, he didn’t know.

Bucky was sitting on the floor of the room he woke up in when Natasha came slinking in, her gun at the ready. He was sitting with his back against the wall, knees bent and his elbows pressing into his thighs as he raked his fingers back through his long hair.

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” he said, calling out to her from the opposite side of the room.

“I think it does,” Natasha answered calmly, already reaching for her gun.

“Every time we do this, it never gets us anywhere.”

“Every time?” She clicked the safety off.

“I don’t want to keep killing you.”

She laughed and shook her head at that. “I know I’ve never come out on top, but come on, Soldier, you haven’t been lucky enough to kill me yet.”

“Natasha, please.”

“You don’t want to keep killing me?” Her sarcasm stung him in a way he hadn’t been ready for. “Fine. Let me kill you.”

He shook his head, looking up at her as she stood over him. There was enough sadness in his eyes to fill an ocean but she couldn’t see it, too blinded by her anger and desire to put an end to this. His head rested back against the cold wall behind him.

“It doesn’t matter,” he told her helplessly.

“Let’s find out.”

He locked his eyes with hers. “If I tell you about this next time, will you believe me then?”

She shrugged, her tone flippant as she answered, “Sure.”

He woke up gasping like he had just broken the surface after being underwater. He was in no rush to get himself upright this time. He was so tired. He almost wished that with each reset, he’d forget about the previous one. But he didn’t. Instead, he was just being crushed more and more under the weight of each unsuccessful attempt to free himself, to make Natasha see him the way that he knew she could.

When he got out of this, if he got out of this, he wondered if he was going to be carrying all those memories with him still. He wondered if he would have to look at Natasha at home, in their kitchen, in their shared bed, sitting with her feet on the dash of his car, and remember killing her over and over and over again.

Bucky knew that he shouldn’t put any stock in what she had told him. It had been made painfully clear to him that he was the only one out of the two of them who remembered anything that happened each time the loop reset. Still, though, if he didn’t cling to the tiny glimmer of hope it provided, he would have nothing at all left to cling to.

He stripped himself of all his weapons. No more guns or blades or anything else. He still wished that he could pull the mask off the bottom half of his face, but this would have to do. He knew that he didn’t have much more time before Natasha came through the door again. He pulled the door so that it was open at a ninety-degree angle. It allowed him some cover for a split second when she walked into the room, and hopefully that’s all he would need.

When he heard her footsteps getting close, he stood with his back against the door, completely hidden from her view. He kept his eyes trained on the ground, and the second that he saw the toe of her boot peer past the edge of the door, he moved in. In what felt like one fluid motion, he knocked the gun from her hands, shut the door so it was just the two of them in the room, and pinned her against the wall.

He made quick work of gripping both her wrists in one hand, and covering her mouth with the other. She was struggling against him but it wasn’t getting her anywhere. He could see the defeat creeping onto her face. It sent a wave of pain through his chest to know that she could already envision him killing her, and that in his reality he might not have any other choice. He wished that he could tell her it wouldn’t come to that and mean it, but he just didn’t know anymore.

“You need to listen,” he spoke quietly, harshly. His chest was pressed against hers and she could feel the dramatic rise and fall of it as he breathed, never really having gotten it back in order since the first time he woke up here. He tried to ignore it. “You promised me you’d listen, that you’d believe me.”

Her brows drew together and she mumbled something against his hand. Bucky couldn’t hear what it was, but judging by the look on her face it wasn’t anything that he would really want to hear anyway. This was all a longshot. It was all futile to him at this point, but he couldn’t phone it in just yet.

“We keep doing this,” he told her, adjusting his legs and hips as she tried to wriggle free from him. “I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve done this. It always ends the same. You kill me. I kill you. Then I wake up right here again, waiting for you to come up those stairs. Over and over. Nat, you need to listen to me. We can’t keep doing this. We’re never going to get out if we keep doing this.”

Her breathing was ragged too as her eyes darted back and forth between his. Bucky could tell that she was trying to figure out if he was serious, or if he was just trying to manipulate her somehow. He waited a few more seconds before pulling his hand away from her mouth, giving her a chance to say something, anything about what he’d just told her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. But if you really wanted to get out, you should’ve left before I got here.”

Bucky wanted to shake her. He wished that he knew what to say to make her see what was going on. That had to be the key. That had to be how he got out. He could only get out if he was taking her with him. It was the only thing he could think of.

“Do you believe me?” he asked, already having a feeling about the answer.

“Does that matter? You’re going to kill me either way, right?”

He shook his head, fighting the urge to scream. “I don’t—” He stopped himself and leaned in, pressing his forehead against hers as he shut his eyes. It was a gesture that used to be a source of comfort, but he could feel how it wasn’t the same, how she was confused, tense. He understood that but he wished he could change it. “I don’t want to. I can’t keep doing it. I just, I need you to believe me.” He pulled away so he could look her in the eyes. “I need you to believe me so that we can get out of here.”

“We?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know who you think I am, but—”

“I know exactly who you are,” Bucky told her. And he was right. He knew nothing about this world he was trapped in, but he knew about her. Natasha was the one thing he could be confident about, even if she didn’t know that anymore.

“You shoot me once? Outrun me a few times? And now, what, you think you know me?”

He cupped her chin with the hand that wasn’t holding her wrists. His grip wasn’t gentle, but he wasn’t hurting her, either. “I know who you are, Natasha. I do. And you know who I am.” He wanted to hold her for real, but he couldn’t. He knew her well enough to know that if he let her go, they would end up right back where they ended each time. He didn’t want to do that again.

“What happens if I believe you?” Her tone conveyed that she didn’t believe him, not yet.

But Bucky was willing to take her curiosity as a win. It was more than he’d ever gotten from her in the past. “I don’t know,” he told her honestly. “You never have before.”

“Why would I?”

He didn’t have a good answer for that either. “I don’t know. But I don’t, I don’t have any other options.” He paused. “You’re all I have.” That statement, he knew, was true no matter where he woke up.

There was a long stretch of silence, that in reality was only a handful of seconds but it felt so much longer than that. He spoke up again. “If I wanted you dead, Natasha, you would be. I,” he hesitated, “I’ve done it a million times already.”

She didn’t say anything, but Bucky felt the way the tension in her body changed. She wasn’t fully relaxed, because who would be? But he saw the way there was the tiniest drop in her shoulders as a bit of the tightness went away. That was a win.

Figuring that the worst case scenario was that she would kill him and they would have to start all over again, he let her go and stepped back. She dropped her arms to her sides, immediately rubbing her hands over her sore wrists. She fought to catch her breath as she kept her eyes locked on Bucky. She still didn’t trust him, still didn’t know what his plan was, but she believed him for some reason when he said that if he wanted her dead, she would be.

They were locked in a stalemate. Natasha waited for whatever Bucky had to say next, Bucky waited for the world to come crashing down around him now that he’d made a tiny step forward with Natasha. But nothing changed. It was just the two of them in an empty room with the world falling apart outside.

Looking around, she saw the way that he’d piled all of his weapons on the opposite side of the room. That seemed like a dumb move to her, but then again, nothing that he had said or done made a lick of sense to her anyway.

Bucky followed her eye-line and saw what she was looking at. He wondered if she was trying to figure out how to get her hands on it. Maybe it had all been for nothing. He wanted to have the right thing to say, but whatever train of thought he had been trying to put together was cut off by the sounds of other footsteps coming up the stairs.

The two of them looked at each other and Natasha asked, “What now?”

He shook his head, eyes wide in disbelief. It was the most genuine she’d sounded with him this entire time and yet he didn’t know what his answer was. “I…I don’t know.”

She reached and grabbed the gun that was holstered on the back of her waist. Bucky’s heart plummeted into his stomach when she raised it in his direction. Something in him told him that he wasn’t going to get this lucky twice. If he didn’t make it work this time, he didn’t think that he was ever going to get out.

He took a deep breath, ready to try and plead with her, not that that had ever done him much good in the past. But, just as he opened his mouth to try and make his case, the door was kicked open behind them. For a split second he regretted not keeping his weapons nearby, but regret wasn’t about to do him any good.

Much to his surprise, rather than pulling the trigger and killing him while he was completely unarmed, Natasha quickly spun around and started firing at the men who were coming into the room after him, the men on her team.

Bucky froze up for a fraction of a second before getting himself back into gear and going for his gun. The second his fingers wrapped around it, he turned and started shooting. He still didn’t have a clear idea of how many people she was working with—the two of them never lived long enough for him to get a headcount. For now, he was just going to keep shooting until he was either out of bullets or out of people to shoot.

Eventually, the stream of people stopped. Bucky and Natasha were both out of breath, the smell of blood and gunpowder thick in the air. She turned and looked at Bucky, uncertainty all over her face, like she couldn’t believe what she had just done. Bucky couldn’t really believe it either.

Part of Natasha wanted to ask him what happened now, but she could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t have an answer for that. She reached to put her gun back in its holster when her legs gave out and she crumpled to the ground. She barely braced herself in time to make sure her head didn’t collide with the concrete.

Bucky was by her side in an instant. He frantically looked her over, and then he saw it, the blood on the floor coming from a wound in her side. He could tell that it wasn’t all that far from the place that he’d shot her before. There was no end to the layers of cruelty in this universe he was trapped in.

He reached and put his hands on her wound, pressing hard. She let out a groan of pain, but the pain of the pressure was still a better alternative than bleeding out. His breath was shaky, but this time it wasn’t because of the fear he had for himself, but the fear he had for her. Having to kill her all those times was horrible, but having to sit idly by like this was a new and different kind of pain.

“Natasha…”

“If you’re going to get out,” she said, her voice already starting to weaken, “you should go. They’ll send more.”

He nodded, knowing that she was right. He also knew that he wasn’t going to leave without her. He looked her up and down, and Natasha could see it in his eyes that he was trying to figure out the best way to pick her up and move her. He could carry her easily, that wasn’t the issue. The issue was trying to find a way to do that that wouldn’t make her wound any worse than it already was.

“Without me,” she said. “Go without me.”

He shook his head. “I can’t. You’re…all of this is about you. I can’t leave alone.”

“You said it yourself, you’ve done this a million times. You’ll just have to…do it again.”

Bucky let out a shuddered breath. He didn’t know if he had it in him to do it again. He couldn’t keep getting this close only to have it ripped away from him. He looked her in the eyes. “Will you believe me again?”

She gave a small, weak shrug as she laid there. “Maybe.”

He shook his head, not able to resign himself to the reality of the situation. “There’s gotta…gotta be another way.”

“Doesn’t look like there is.”

He lifted her torso just enough so that he could press his forehead to hers again. She didn’t pull away from him, didn’t push him like he expected her to now that she had the freedom to do so. He doubted that she found any comfort in the gesture but it was all he had now.

His eyes were shut tight as he said, “I’ll see you soon.”

One of her hands came to rest on the cold metal of his arm. He could hear the slight trace of sarcasm, of mild disbelief in her voice as she said, “I’ll see you soon.”

Bucky snapped awake, heart pounding in his chest. He didn’t fully take in the room around him as he listened to the sound of glass clattering to the floor, of feet thudding up the stairs and closer to him. His hands were balled into fists, the rest of his body rigid and frozen. It took all he could do to even be able to turn his head to look around.

Natasha came flying into the room, her hair still a damp mess from after her shower. Her eyes were wide as she asked, “What’s wrong?”

Bucky opened and shut his mouth a few times, unable to force out words to answer her. He finally began to realize where he was. This was his room. Their room. There was no more mask stifling his breathing, no more hair sticking to the back of his neck. Glancing down, he saw the more reassuring black and gold arm at his side, one that was plagued with far less memories of torment.

He looked over at Natasha. The Natasha that knew him. The faded blonde ends of her hair hung over her shoulders, leaving wet spots on the fabric of the shirt that she’d stolen from his dresser. She was still lingering in the doorway, unsure of whether or not he wanted her to come any closer, unsure of whether or not that was the right thing.

She took one step past the threshold of their room. “You screamed my name.”

“I did?” he finally got a few words out.

She nodded, walking over to his side of the bed. “Yea.”

“Sorry.”

He shook his head as he sat upright. He didn’t even know where to start. There was no way it had all been a dream. He felt it too much. It went on for too long. It had to have been real. Somehow. He studied Natasha’s face, trying to figure out if anything similar had been plaguing her. She seemed so unbothered, though.

Reaching forward, he grabbed onto the bottom hem of his shirt that she was wearing. She tensed slightly, but she didn’t flinch away from him as he lifted it up. His eyes traveled over her skin, quickly spotting the scar by her hip that he’d left there so long ago. He looked a few inches higher, looking for any sign that what he’d gone through was real in some way. And, sure enough, there was another scar there, a little larger than the one left behind by him.

He brushed his fingers against it, the light contact causing goosebumps to break out over her skin. Natasha swallowed hard. “What happened?”

He looked up at her, exhausted and confused. “Where did this one come from?” he asked her, thumb tracing the skin right below the scar.

Her brows knit together as she tried to think of it. There had been so many fights, so many scars. It was hard to keep them all straight sometimes. Finally, she shook her head. “I don’t remember.” She paused. “Why?”

“I, uh,” his voice was hoarse, “I think it was my fault.”

“Your fault? Bucky, no—”

He stood up off the bed and pulled her into him, arms wrapping tightly around her and pinning her body against his. For the first time in what felt like far too long, she returned the embrace. She held him tight, hands splaying across the expanse of his back.

“I’m never gonna hurt you again,” he mumbled against her neck.

She couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t a little confused by it all. “I know.” She pulled away from him so that she could look him in the eyes. She cupped the side of his face for a moment before leaning in to kiss him, getting caught off-guard when he pulled away.

He placed his hand over hers, trying to find comfort in the touch, but he couldn’t. All he could think about was what he’d done to her, the countless times he’d hurt her, killed her. He couldn’t allow himself that softness from her. He didn’t deserve that.

“Natasha…” his voice trailed off, not really sure what he wanted to say to her at this point.

“We’re okay.” She pulled him in so that his forehead was pressed against hers. “I promise.”

Now it was his turn to feel his body flooded with tension at what was supposed to be a comforting gesture. All he could think about was the way she fought against him, the way her body locked up at his touch. But he didn’t know how to say that to her. She didn’t remember, didn’t know. The pain was exclusively his own.

“We’re okay,” he repeated her words, his voice hardly above a whisper.

She nodded. “We are.”

She pulled him into another embrace, and he let her. He tried to ease into it, tried to allow it to comfort him despite the memories that were now going to be engrained in his mind forever. She held him tight and he attempted to focus on the warmth seeping from her body to his. He played her promise that they were okay over and over again in his head, hoping that one day, he’d actually believe it.

#marvel #mcu #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #bucky barnes fanfiction #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff x bucky barnes #bucky barnes x natasha romanoff #bucky barnes imagine #navy and roo sleepover #navy and roo's sleepover #mcu fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #winterwidow #buckynat #timeloop #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc

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shysublimecoffee · 1 year ago

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Gwen and Duncan had potential. They barely interacted in season 1 besides that one-off horror episode, and they did had mutual respect in how they each played their respective game. It'd just weird to see how they were best friends immediately starting in s2 and it then fed into the paranoia with their established partners and portrayed and fed their delusion to be right which I hate.

I could see it work but gradually build up over the course of the season in action to make them be closer and then built up to be best friends because having them be so chummy right off the bat it's weird seeing them being so awfully close, although granted they did had a good chemistry in action lol. Why is Gwen confiding with Duncan about Trent someone he feels threatened by? No clue why the show is throwing away Gwen real friendship and sidelining Leshawna over this.

I actually really dislike it when they keep referring or making hints Gwen or Duncan liked it each other in-universe after the tell all in action because honestly wasn't that deep. They're nonconformists of course their interests aligned and they did trouble together but that's not love lol unless you're seeing all this through a shipping lens and over analyzing each interaction that just had no meaning.

I could see ship potential actual happened but s3 destroyed it. By the beginning of Celebrity manhunt special and in season 3 Gwen changed her tune out of nowhere when previously no it wasn't true she wasn't into him like Sierra described lol it felt so contrived and forced seeing that kiss be a wtf moment just speedrunning everything and her being eliminated after 2 episodes for the ratings.

Let's be real for a second alright? Courtney in s2 was insufferable. At least Heather was fun to hate Courtney just worsened it for me. Their relationship peaked in s1 and truthfully was never gonna last their a real life opposites attract but have no future. Courtney becoming more high maintenance and Duncan having all his worst traits just be cranked were annoying. I ain't condoning it but yeah after action and seeing Duncan cheating you understand as a viewer.

The show made her the butt of the joke and always crank her up to be the villain. They really wanted us not to be sympathetic and even with the other two put in a negative light after the cheating fiasco hers aren't favorable as well she's back up on villain agenda instead of being vulnerable or giving her a chance to breathe. The villainization and callling Gwen " New Heather" pissed me the fuck off I swear.

It never was that deep they were forced to be friends for all of 3 days so all of that built up to the cheating fiasco was so that we feel sympathetic to her plight. I... After all stars and them becoming closer again it just went nowhere and up and died.

Gwen the straight women to the other character goofy antics and almost Main character became the girl in and out of the show for her complicated love bomb relationships.

Courtney the know it all but genuinely nice and cared for contestant s and had her sweet moments in immediately helping Izzy and Sadie became a onenote derailment of a control freak whiny my way or the highway always attitude be so presently dominant to everything. She comes first always.

Duncan used to cool and yeah he's pretty casual sexist words were very hypocritical. I'm annoyed the show never addresses it and Ezekiel got flamed for it in-universe. But, still he did had his tender moment of goodwill and his persona bad boy image was chill went so down the drain I pity this dude. He's so obsessed with not being a good guy label he just became a loser by defaul

If Total Drama was a real show then it's irony to me how everyone became worse off it then they were when they started on this show I guess that meta for you.

#total drama world tour #total drama island #td gwen #td duncan #td courtney

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stina-is-a-punk-rocker · 2 years ago

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‘the maidens’ by alex michaelides, and a bunch of irrelevant tangents about my life because I find myself that entertaining

Much like people, there are some books that you find when the stars align. It’s like the Fates themselves intervene to provide you with a pocket of time that you’re so unoccupied and there’s literally nothing else better to do than the book equivalent of a one-night stand.

‘The Maidens’ came at the right place and the right time (lol that’s what she said): a Scrabble competition, everyone else being very good at Scrabble and me being very bad, and no other pdfs on my phone.

In retrospect, it’s a solid 6/10. I’ve read worse (hello Wattpad), but I’ve definitely read better, and as far as books go, it’s pretty… forgettable. I have the rare luxury of not having come from The Silent Patient to have a bias about Alex Michaelides’s work (despite me being told numerous times by numerous associates to read it. I have this thing where the more you tell me to consume a certain piece of media, I either don’t do it, or I do it out of spite. It’s called being a petty motherfucker), so the only opinions I had were nice cover + cool font. Which are the only opinions you should have about a book before you read it, in my opinion.

Spoilers ahead, so be warned. Be very, very warned. Also, trigger warnings for pretty dark subject matter, which anyone who’s read the book already knows, so I’m gonna include that under the spoiler umbrella.

I’m a tad hesitant to call it a dark academia, although I feel like that’s what was attempted. Sure, there are a couple of references to Greek mythology and literature sprinkled here and there, but it’s more like a bad sitcom referencing pop culture than anything that provides substance to the plot. It’s one of my biggest gripes with the whole book- everything from the title to the synopsis is a red herring; and, like, not that you can’t do a little hoodwinking here and there, but this is just disingenuous.

It’s the most obvious and yet the most vexing mystery ever, because- it’s kind of obvious that it’s Zoe. But her motive, and the way she goes about it is so… it just doesn’t sit quite well in my stomach.

Being traumatized does not excuse someone from traumatizing others, and there’s a discussion to be had about media villainizing traumatized characters. On the other side, there’s a way to craft a, for lack of a better word, ‘evil’ traumatized character that still humanizes them and doesn’t make them come off as a Scooby-Doo villain. Zoe’s gone through some pretty horrific shit- losing her parents at such a young age, a paedophilic uncle, and that uncle manipulating her even post mortem. And then she went on a killing spree, and tried to frame her professor for the murders, and almost killed her aunt- which, as we can all agree, are Bad Things to Do. And here’s where I came to the realization that, ah. Alex Michaelides is a dude.

Another discussion: can male writers do justice to traumatized female characters?

Because Zoe isn’t the only one. Which brings us to our heroine: Mariana, whose beauty never scared me, but it did make me want to put my head through drywall.

It’s the white woman in a horror film all over again. And it’s especially agonizing, cos this bitch is supposed to be smart. But she’s not. And it bothers me (picture me saying this in an increasingly whiney voice).

She suspects Edward Fosca killed those girls? What better way to deal with this revelation than having dinner with him alone! And getting drunk! She’s dealing with a patient who’s definitely harming himself and potentially a threat to others? Eh, forget about him (also, leave Henrys out of this, they get such a bad rep). She constantly acts on impulse and it’s painful to watch- telling literally everyone she meets and has one (01) conversation with about the Super Kool Mystery she’s solving, attacking Edward Fosca for some inane reason I can’t even remember, and fancying herself a member of the Famous Five when she’s more Secret Seven.

And the writing is just one step away from E. L. James’s inner goddess, cos Mariana’s reading facial expressions like tarot cards and I get that it’s probably meant to rub in the fact that she’s a therapist but imagine you’re reading a book about a dentist and they start talking about the oral hygiene of every person they see. It’s corny as hell, reading about the anger in whoeverthefuck’s eyes and the complicated look in someone else’s like. Give it a fucking break.

Honestly, the other characters are pretty irrelevant, and are either red herrings (Edward Fosca) or mostly irrelevant (Sangha, Clarissa, the other Maidens) or supposedly relevant but still end up being pretty irrelevant (Sebastian, who is, as the youth say, problematic, but also too romanticized initially for me to ever believe in him).

It’s easier to be lenient with this book if you came in expecting a digestible thriller, but if you were expecting a dark academia like I unfortunately did… expect to be disappointed.

#the maidens #alex michaelides #i read a book after a billion years mother be proud of me

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regular-lord-reckoner · 2 years ago

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well i’m upset lol

so, as i might have mentioned lately i’ve been busting my ass working as hard as i possibly can so i can get caught up on everything for my pto next week, right

well, wouldn’t ya know it i got bronchitis this week, yay

so okay, whatever fine it’s this week, hopefully i’ll be better by next week even though being sick makes my disability worse which makes it harder for me to do things i normally do but i’m pushing through it, eyes on the prize it’s all good

as the week’s going on, though, it’s like...unless i wake up tomorrow feeling miraculously better chances are any plans i had for this weekend aren’t going to happen so that stinks, but still pushing on

one of the biggest things is i’ve been out of weed for like...a few months now (thank god for delta 8/9) and the stars had finally aligned just right to where i should have enough money finally and i was going to get it before my vacation so i didn’t have to fool with getting it during my time off, i’d just already have it, right?

well, now that probably won’t be happening until next week but okay, okay FINE, it’s fine. not the end of the world, but it’s fine.

so no weekend plans, no weed, still sick but it’s fine because it’s at least time off!!

and!! one of the best parts was my mom’s dog was going to go to doggy training school for a week and i didn’t initially plan for it to line up this way but it was supposed to be next week so like...amazing!!

now listen, i love dogs, don’t get me wrong but this one in particular is very loud and it’s at a point where like if i’m listening to my music just a little too loudly (which is never loudly at all, mind you) or if i sneeze or drop something or just...whatever, any little innocuous noise and it sets this dog off barking and barking and barking so i thought, “wonderful, my week off and it’s finally going to be quiet!! i might actually get to have a day where i’m not overly stimulated with noise and loud!! i won’t have to tiptoe around upstairs where i am all the goddamn time in one room all the goddamn time, woo-hoo!!!

wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll guess what!!!!!

guess who’s fucking appointment got moved to next week!!!!!

the dog!!!!

and so for whatever reason that was just the goddamn straw that broke the camel’s back for me

it’s wednesday and since monday i’ve already worked 41 hours

i plan on working 7 hours of overtime tomorrow and then that’s it, i’m on vacation and again, just...killing myself to get all of this in and done so i can hang on to whatever’s left of what i’ve been looking forward to for a while now and i just...broke, y’know

so i went downstairs finally to make an actual meal and i was just trying to tell my mom i was bummed about how it seems like my vacation isn’t panning out the way i hoped but of course because i’m stressed out and have already had some meltdowns today i ended up crying as i was trying to say it and so she starts doing what her version of comforting me is which is to just counter everything i’m saying and i get she thinks she’s just offering solutions or encouragement or whatever but to me it just feels like, “this isn’t a problem, i don’t know why you’re complaining about this when there’s a simple solution right here” and when i try to say, “i thought about that, but i don’t think so” she just gets frustrated with me and walks away and that’s that

and so i started crying some more at which point my dad walks in to the kitchen and sees me and asks if i’m okay and i shake my head no and i dunno if my mom told him why or what because i was crying but he just...goes to bed, lol

so then i apologize to my mom for getting upset and just try to explain like, “hey, i’m sorry i’m just really tired and upset right now and i just wanted to hear ‘that sounds frustrating, i’m sorry’, i wasn’t trying to ask you to fix anything” and she just...gets more upset with me

and this is a type of conversation i feel like we keep having lately where like...i try to communicate to her that i’m having a hard time right now and i’m really struggling and am upset about something and i just want to like...say that, that’s all. i just want to say that and be comforted and instead it’s like...if i don’t immediately go, “oh, thanks for solving my problem!!” and slap a big smile on my face them i’m choosing to be miserable

that’s something that’s been said twice to me now recently, that i’m just choosing to lean into this instead of look for solutions, i’m choosing doom and gloom.

and i can’t tell you........how much worse that makes me feel

and again, when i try to tell her that it made me feel worse she just decides we need to end the conversation and i need to go away, she isn’t in the right headspace to have this conversation so basically just fuck off

and now i remember why i never open up to anyone about anything ever

i knew better than to ask for comfort, i should have just self-soothed like i always do but i’m so goddamn tired

and again, that’s really been the biggest thing like...i need this time off

i am so beyond burnt out and overwhelmed, i just need a goddamn break and i think i’m allowed to be a little upset that it’s not turning out the way i’d hoped and how right now in this moment it just feels like something else will probably happen to make it even worse because that’s been the trend lately and yeah, i’m sure after i get some sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow i’ll probably be in a better headspace and can start to walk myself back from the ledge and find new things to look forward to instead, but just....right now in this moment in specific all i wanted was comfort, that’s it

but instead i just made my mom upset and i think i’ve come to the realization lately that she may love me because i’m her kid.....but she doesn’t like me. not all of me, anyway

she likes the parts of me that are good and easy to like

but this part of me? she has no patience for it and just some of the shit she says makes me realize how she must really think of me and it’s been breaking my heart lately

i know i didn’t turn out the way everyone probably hoped

i know i’m a disappointment

i know it can’t be easy to deal with your grown ass child who has these many mental health problems and shit

but that’s the thing too is that for the longest fucking time i have tried not to bother either of them with it

i have tried to keep it to myself because i knew they weren’t capable of comforting me.

way back in high school when i had to get pulled into the counselor’s office because i told my friends i was going to kill myself and my parents were called, did i get therapy?? did i get reassurance?? did i even get a fucking hug??

no!!

i got told i was just trying to be like my best friend who also had a lot of mental health problems and so i was basically just making it up

oh, and that i should probably stop listening to bands like afi and mcr because that was probably what was making me depressed

probably horror movies too

so that was that

no help then, no help now i have to do it all my goddamn self

and that’s fine, a lot of people have to, i just....thought maybe by now it would be different

ESPECIALLY considering the hours and hours and hours of emotional labor i’ve put in for them

all of their problems i’ve listened to

all the times i’ve played therapist

but i can’t get so much of an ounce in return

and i guess if i can’t handle mentally collapsing with perfect grace and gratitude then i don’t deserve anything and i just need to go away

so that’s cool

that’s all really, really cool and i love life and love being alive and living it

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zwei-rhunen · 2 years ago

Text

context: i am not a tank

i am barely a PUG tbh lmao

So i woke up today and chose violence tanking :)

first we run like two trials that i felt were pretty straightforward, to gimme a taste of dat tank cuisine, and both went well

> i was OT and both MTs were great and like. OT didnt have much other responsibilities outside of being emergency tank tbf, but still, i get confident, and i’m ready for a lil more chaos

me: how complicated is tanking nidhogg?

@lord-kefka-palazzo the healer: not that complicated. just keep adds separate, faced away, etc

me: COOL LETS DO THAT ONE NEXT

the game plan for Nidhogg: i’m gonna off-tank! and then maybe the next fight i will consider being main tank. no promises, tho

> totally not me, entertaining myself with trying to get the perfect lil’ jumpy twirl and not paying attention to the rest of the party that’s already running into battle bc ppl already finished their cutscenes

“OH IT’S STARTED-”

/goes

/goes a lil too hard

/goes so hard, in fact, that i do my rotation. my fingers hit the two buttons to /stance, and i dont notice bc I’ve been treating it as part of my tank rotation, and not like, its own separate rotation

(i’m getting the feeling that its more of an opener, since it seems that tank stance is situational)

/ ???? i have stance on???

/oh fuck, i have stance on

/hurriedly looks for stance buttons b/c i suddenly have no idea where they are b/c its not the beginning of the fight and my brain has already filed that information away into its proper cabinet b/c i dont need to recall it anymore b/c battle already started and i have the monke neural pathway of smth like

“DEF tanking():

IF fight begins THEN tank stance; IF fight in progress THEN take boss, go north, dont die, win fight ELSE panic and pray; ” seared into my skull bc dungeon-brain

the next bit took like 20 seconds to play out even though it seems hella longer, ik:

“wjhu-why is my stance button over here”

/turns stance off

/still MT’ing

what.jpg

>its off, right??

>squints at button in confusion. it’s blue. idk what the color means. i think it means tank off (no it meant i had it “on”, and pushing it again would turn it off.) i flip it a few times, like the way your annoying sibling does when they flicker the light switch in your bedroom.

>??????? why is it on a cooldown??? stance has cooldowns??????

> mouse-over, look at description- oh wait i’m pressing the wrong set of button combos lmao

> take stance off

/still have aggro

/looks at party list

/MT has also toggled stance off, since i’ve done the animal-kingdom strut that means “i want to tank” (i actually do not, silently hoping to please take him back :’) )

/ MT is being very chill and a team player and letting me have at it

/boss begins targeting other people

/flips stance back on

exhibit A: me, panicking :)

Exhibit B: trying to assume my MT role and also trying to signal that “THIS WAS NOT MY INTENTION and also uhhhh MT is NOT taking it BACK, WHAT DO I DO” -

except i dont have time to type all that

so instead, i put everything into one heartfelt line and hope it gets the same message across:

> and at the same time, hydaelyn appears before my mind’s eye with a very important message for me - she says,

“congrats, you are the Main Tank now :) “

>okokok FUCK it, i’m MT now, lets go nidhogg

> ....

>it was not fine (the stars aligned and a chain of other unfortunate events also happened lool)

>we get to the dragon phase! but end up wiping and try again

> i am determined to not stance this time. i will not touch stance. we are going to run in and DPS and let the other tank be MT and i will SIT HERE, happily doing DPS and tanking during adds.

> lol so THAT lasted like 10 seconds.

but its okay we passed the second time wahoo

Me:

thank you, kind PUG, but i definitely did not deserve that LMFAOOOOO

post-fight:

oh hey, i forgot about these nine other buttons, what do they do-

-flashback to when it was me, the other tank, and the healer remaining for a good, 30 looooong seconds-

and also sitting next to it:

Finisher move:

/checks journal

(listen PLD was so boringggg i dragged myself to 50, stopped and haven’t looked back LMFAO (don’t kill me tho i’ll get to them!! at some point ) )

Bonus: The Limitless Blue (Hard)

me trying to be good and dodging splash AOEs

and then i remember wait a MINUTE i’m A

!!!! SO CAN I? CAN I???? I CAN

THEM RIGHT?? probably???? idk probably yeah

/chills out and stops spinning things b/c im not dodging the splashing AOEs anymore

“i am INVINCIBLE-”

-proceeds to get my ass thrown into the air, b/c twisters believe in humbling everyone equally-

#zwei writes #@: 'go!'#me: -runs in and immediately faceplants-#zwei pug fun

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yaneyanedaze · 4 years ago

Text

Our Goddess In Love and War

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Yandere! Royal! Pillarmen x Reader

Summary: Reader-Darling is a girl that lives in a village close to the kingdom ruled by the three kings: Esidisi, Whamuu and Kars. She doesn’t see what everyone else sees in them, and keeps away, but one day, she’ll catch their eyes, and they won’t ever leave her.

Warnings: smut later on in this chapter, yandere behavior, obsession, possessiveness, death, mentions of torture, jealously, Kars puts his foot down with disrespectful maids, reader-chan tries to leave because of threats.

A/n: I apologize for how long this took, But i’m glad to be back writing my big series! I hope you guys enjoy this long awaited chapter update!

(Unrelated but i was listening to Montero by Lil Nas X while writing this, and It was giving me Mad Kars vibes lol but I’m gonna put my playlist for this story at the bottom)

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I sighed and plopped down onto my comfy bed and slipped out of the dress and heels, I didn’t care about my hair, I’d just get up and wash in the morning. I snuggled into my pillow, at first I didn’t want to do any of this, but now I can’t help but feel some type of attraction to the male. I mean he’s going to officially be my husband in a few days, but I still couldn’t shake this feeling that something was wrong..

….And something bad was gonna happen….

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(First Pov)

I was nervous.

I was dressed in a wonderful purple dress, a slit along the side, matching golden heels on my feet. Several maids were running around my room, preparing everything for me. My hair was styled and had many pieces of golden jewelry dangling off my body, I smiled at myself in the mirror.

“I can’t believe this is happening…”

A few giggles were heard around me, one maid with blonde hair and baby blue eyes smiled at me. Her name is Liza, she was the maid in charge of making sure that I was perfect for events like this. She was the only other person in charge of my dress besides Stella. Liza speaks up as she places the finishing touches on me,

“Oh Believe it My Queen, We can tell how much his majesty loves you, so we are happy!” She says, giving me a twirl as the other maids clapped. I nod smiling along with the women before a rapid knock was heard at the door. All of us turned towards the door and let out a sigh as it was only Stella at the door. Stella gives a sheepish smile as she walks in.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but his majesty is asking for his Queen.” She says. Liza and the other maids nod, picking up the end of my dress, I began walking out the door with the girls following close behind me.

As we walked down the hallways, they were decorated with (f/c) flowers, gold and various other precious metals aligned the hall we walked down. I could hear the hustle and bustle of the people outside, nervousness creeping right back up on me. I took a deep breath as two guards opened the door revealing me to the outside world.

Many cheers were heard, so many people were screaming and yelling. I winced at the bright light, a deep chuckle came from behind me, arms wrapping around my waist. I tensed up a bit, only earning a laugh. “My love there is no need to be afraid, it is just me..”

I sigh and relax a bit, Kars felt strangely warm and comfortable, i felt his hands move down to my hips as he moves us both forward.

We stood on top of the stairs, both of us waving to the crowd, I giggle at some of the kids that I met in the village yelling to me and holding up signs that said. ‘We are best friends with the Queen’. Kars stepped away from me slightly, and I let out a soft whine before I knew it, I blushed, quite embarrassed but Kars just chuckled again.

“Save your whines for tonight my love, Because I’ll have you saying and thinking nothing but my name.” He whispered in my ear before stepping away to get the crown.

My face went completely red as I tried to regain my composure, I walked down the stairs to greet some of the townspeople. Smiling as a group of kids handed me a pretty bouquet of flowers, “Why thank you all.”

“Your welcome Miss (y/n)!” “Will we be able to visit you in the castle?” “Is the king nice?” “Are you gonna have kids of your own?” I laughed at the many questions they asked before getting taken away and scolded lightly by their parents.

“(y/n)!!” “Oh my baby you look wonderful!”

I looked up and had a half smile, My mother and sister walked up to me, both of them with tears in their eyes. I rolled my eyes but took both of them into my arms, allowing some tears down my face. Though I still held some anger towards my mom for just giving me up, but I couldn’t help myself, I was glad to have her in my arms.

“My love, Please come up here, It is time.”

I stand up and turn to walk back up, seeing Kars with the same beautiful crown that I saw when I first arrives, the jewel dangling beautifully from it. A smile graced my lips as I stood right infront Kars, I felt a feeling of Joy in my body, the fear that I had when I first came was slowly going away. Kars returned the look as he turned to face the crowd.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, We are gathered here today to celebrate the arrival of my Beautiful, Wonderful and Lovely Queen.” Kars started, I nod along, watching his every movement, He was beautiful, an absolute masterpiece. I still wondered what he would want with a half baked potato like me. I was pulled out of my trance by a weight on my head, realizing he had placed the crown on top of my head. He looked down at me with a look that I’ve never seen before on him, Care, Love, like he genuinely loved me. He then turned back to the crowd pulling me close to him.

“I do hope that you all will continue to watch over us, and grow alongside us.” He spoke before placing a hand underneath my chin. He lifts it slightly before leaning down to capture my lips in a soft, loving kiss, I was shocked, but only for a bit. I soon wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in to deepen the kiss. This must’ve surprised him because he pulled away slightly and whispered. “Oh you little minx~ Just wait until we get behind closed doors..” He placed another quick kiss on my lips before backing away and waving to the cheering crowd. He placed a hand on my lower back as I raised my hand to wave as well, seeing many of the crowd was moved to tears.

I guess seeing one of their own go from literally rags to riches is enough to get anyone crying.

Kars led me back inside, humming to himself softly, his hand firmly placed on my hip. “Kars..may I ask a question?” I ask, making the male let out a soft laugh. “My love, You just did.. But go ahead” He teased, making me puff out my cheeks in tiny annoyance. I sighed and went ahead with asking my question. “Um..Is it okay if my Mom and Sister come and live with us?”

Kars stopped walking, I thought it was because of what I said, but sighed with relief when he was just opening his room, well our room door. He ushered me inside and closed the door behind him. “Of course they can, My Darling…” He started, locking the door, pulling it to make sure it was secured. “But that’s not what I’m worried about right now.” He purrs, a sultry undertone in his voice. I could feel another blush coming on, I went to sit on the bed and just flopped on my back. I let out a groan of satisfaction as to how soft his bed was, making Kars let out a low growl, one that sent shivers down my spine.

“You do not know how hard it was for me to not take you where we stood.”

I let out a squeak as the male was now on top of me, I didn’t notice that he had moved from his place by the door. He placed his face in the crook of my neck as he kept me pinned down, strong hands holding mine against the bed. He let out another low growl as he continued. “It took everything in me to not take you in front of the crowd, Letting them all know that you belong to me now.” He finished, placing kisses on the side of my neck. I could only let out a sigh of content as his kisses moved lower. I watched as he hovered over my chest, which was still covered by the fabric of the dress. He sat up and smirked, I looked at him confused before in one movement he ripped the dress. Going up from the slit until it reached my chest, he then removed the torn fabric from my body, chuckling at my reaction to the coldness of the room.

“I’ll buy you another one, my love, but right now, I need you more than ever.” He said, he then lifted my legs up onto his shoulder, earning another noise of shock from me. He let out another groan of annoyance before ripping my panties from my body. I shuddered at the new cold, but before I could comment, I let out a loud moan. Kars smirked before giving another long teasing lick “Don’t worry about me tonight. It’s all about you Darling, but after tonight, I will not hold back.” He says before he started to tongue fuck me. A completely new feeling that already having me seeing stars and it did not help that Kars was unrelenting either.

He pulled back a bit licking the slick that was left on his lips off before rubbing two fingers against my folds. He looked at me as if asking for permission, and when I gave him a soft nod he smirked once more, slowly pushing two of his fingers into me. He groaned at the sounds that I was making, he picked up the pace quickly, barely giving me anytime to adjust.

“K-kars..” I moaned out, my hands gripping the smooth silk sheets below me. He hummed in response, glancing back over to me. “Hmm? What is it, my love?” He asked teasingly as he increased the speed of his digits, I squirmed underneath him as I struggled to find the words to say. “D-don’t..” I managed to moan, feeling a knot building up, I was close and he seemed to know it. “Say it my love, I know you are enjoying this so much, the way you are clenching around just my fingers. It makes me wonder how you’ll take my cock~” My body automatically reacted to his teasing words, my hips bucking against his fingers, his pace brutal now. “D-don’t hold back..” I couldn’t even believe what I was saying just now. I’ve only had sex once before and it was clumsly to say the least, so for me to practically beg the King not to hold back was surprising.

He must’ve been surprised too because began chuckling before full on laughing, he removed his fingers causing me to let out a whine.

“My Darling woman, are you sure?” He asked as he stood up off of the bed. I nodded, my head cloudy, still whining from feeling empty. Kars quietly removed his bottoms, kicking them somewhere off to the side of the room, he pull me by my legs to the end of the bed.

I looked at his face, and a different expression was there. Lust. Eyes clouded over as he looked over my body. He teasingly pressed himself up against my folds and I gasped. Looking down this man was probably 9.5 inches with about a 1.5 girth, ‘How in the hell is that supposed to fit in me?!�� I thought.

Kars chuckled at the expression on my face. “I know, i know my love, I’m going to take my time so you can get adjusted.” He says, slowly guiding himself inside me. Just from his head, I already felt like he wouldn’t fit, but as he slowly inched more and more inside, he stretched me out wonderfully. Once he was fully inside of me, he gave a slow experimental thrust, pulling almost all the way out before snapping his hips back. I cried out in pain and pleasure, he set a slow pace, everytime, he snapped his hips in just the right way to hit that spot. The pain was fading fast, and I wanted more than this slow pace he had.

“Kars..Please just fuck me…”

My words must’ve made him snap, soon after those words left my lips he began thrusting at a more violent and fast pace, making me cry out in pleasure. His name was falling off my lips like a mantra, He was hitting just the right spot everytime. I managed to look up at him, his eyes were half open, jaw locked as he let some groans and grunts. One thrust had me seeing stars, I did not care how loud i was being at this point and I’m pretty sure any servant that walked by could hear.

One of Kars hands slowly snaked its was up to my neck and gave it a slight squeeze. “Tell me who’s fucking you this good, Tell me darling.” He growled out. I moaned out his name loud, practically screaming it at this point. He smirked “Louder. I want them to know who you belong to (y/n)”

“You Kars!”

“Louder!”

“KARS!”

I cried out feeling that familiar knot unraveling, I could feel myself clenching around his cock, making him curse and growl.

“That’s it..That’s it..You’re mine, No one else's..”

He moans out, feeling his thrust start to get sloppy until that came to a complete halt and he was spilling his seed into me. He stayed in place until he finished before slowly pulling out. He moved to lay beside me and pull me into his chest. I turned to give him a kiss but he just held me in place. “Shh..My Love, You’re tired..Let's just rest, Tomorrow you can relax all day and I’ll have someone come check in on you.” He mumbled, running his hand through my hair, I hummed in response, feeling sleep starting to creep up on me.

“I love you Kars..” I mutter, feeling my eyes getting heavy, I hear him chuckle and place a kiss on my forehead.

“I love you too My Darling~...”

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When I awoke,it was still dark outside.

I was dressed in a nightgown and Kars was gone, I yawned softly and got up out of bed. I nearly fell because the feeling in my legs was barely there, I blushed remembering the activities. I slowly made my way to the door only to have someone else open the door.

“Ah Good Hello Stell-”

“Don’t you Hello me you whore.”

I was taken back by her words and angry expression. “Excuse me?” I was confused. She let out a yell of frustration. “It’s your fault! You are the reason I am not Queen! A common bitch like you!” She barked. I was hurt, I thought of Stella as a nice woman, but now she’s showing a totally different side of herself. I moved to push past her and head out the door but her words made me stop.

“Hell You’re just gonna be like the other girl before you!”

I stopped and turned to face her. “Say what?” She laughed at me before crossing her arms. “You thought you were picked out because they thought you were interesting? No, It’s because you look like Kar’s previous wife. He killed her. He only wants someone who is powerful enough to use the stone thats on the crown.” She saunters her way over to my crown and holds it in her hands. “You’re just going to be another dead body.”

I stood horrified, Mom told me that the previous Queen had died of illness, not that she was killed by Kars. “No..No He wouldn’t do that to me. He loves me.” Stella lets out another loud laugh before looking at me with a deadpan look. “He told me that too. He told me he loves me and that I’m special. I was going to be queen if it wasn’t for you.” She growled, marching forward, “So why don’t you do me a favor and run away. Run far from here..So that My King, no my Husband would have to dirty his hand with more blood” She said.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I ran out of the room, hearing her evil cackles from the room.

I went up to several maids and butlers to ask where Kars and the other kings were, but even they would not talk to me. I could feel even more tears run down my face as I ran through the halls, I burst open a door feeling the coldness of the outside and run down the stairs.

At the bottom of the stairs stood Kars himself talking to a guard. I turned to take another way around the castle, an exit that I saw earlier when I first arrived. It was cold,I was freezing, but I couldn’t not bring myself to look Kars in the face anymore. What if I was just another body? What if he’ll ditch me and get another woman? Hell, if Stella said was true, was he just using me?

So many thoughts were running through my head, I didn’t even notice that I had bumped into someone. “I’m s-sorry..”

“My Queen, what are you doing out?” It was Esidisi, I gasped and began crying even more as I dropped to my knees. “He doesn’t love me Esi! He..He is..Just using me..” I cried out, my cries loud and echoing off the outside walls. Multiple footsteps could be heard running up to us.”My Darling?” I hear Kars call out, I continue to cry, I should have known that royalty like him wouldn’t love a commoner like me. I might as well give up the crown and just go home.

I could feel someone pick me up and hold me bridal style in their arms. “Esidisi. What is she doing out here?” “I don’t know, She ran into me crying about how you do not truly love her and you are using her.” I heard Kars suck in breath and hold me even tighter. “Who said this to you?” He asked me. I shook my head and kept crying, he shushed me and carried me back inside.

He holds me in his arms continuously telling me how much he loved me and to not listen to those rumors. When he entered the main ballroom where most maids were cleaning. “Excuse me. Who in the world told my Queen that I don’t love her?” he barked. I wiped my eyes, watching as each and everyone of the servants who gave me the cold shoulder. Kars sucked his teeth before moving to carry me like i was a child so he could have a free hand. He gripped one maid by her hair, making her let out an ear piercing scream. “I said tell me.”

“AH One of the Head maids your majesty!! She started spreading rumors, but Stella tried to stop her but she kept going.” I rolled my eyes knowing this fully to be a lie. Kars threw her across the room with his brute strength. “Oh you’ll receive a proper punishment soon. But now I have to deal with my Queen.” He said coldly, moving back to holding me with two arms. I lay my head comfortable on Kars shoulder, my cheeks stained with tears as I ended up falling back asleep in his arms.

“My Queen, don’t you worry..I will find out who did this to you..who lied on my name and made you feel unworthy of my love.”

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To say he was pissed was an understatement. Kars had laid (y/n) back in their shared bed, he then charged in the servant quarters scaring all of them.

Those servants wished that they would have spoken up, or comforted the queen in that moment, they suffered severe beatings, threats and some of them were even sent to the dungeon.

All while Stella Listened and laughed.

“One step closer...Just one step closer.”

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I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

My playlist for this entire story is

Montero By Lil Nas X

Alejandro and Bad Romance by Lady Gaga

Streets By Doja Cat

Paparazzi: Kim Dracula

What songs does this story make you think of?

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#pillarmen #jjba pillarmen #yandere pillarmen #pillarmen x reader #Yandere Kars x reader #kars x reader #jjba kars #yandere kars #jjba esidisi #jjba wamuu #jjba #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #Jojo no Kimyou na Bouken #Jjba x reader #jjba fanfiction #jjba fanfic #x reader #yandere x reader

296 notes · View notes

elysianslove · 4 years ago

Note

hi eli bby !! its me vio again shhshf

i loved ur vball player crush hcs w miya twins && suna and can i have that too w sakusa, semi && shirabu ? MY UNDERRATED BOYS CRIES SM <//3 thank u sm <33

hiiiii my love!!! tysm for requesting these boys i love them so much. i hope you like this lysm <3

sakusa kiyoomi

considering what i’ve seen in the anime, and some manga panels, i really don’t think omi’s a peoples person. so even in school, i doubt he was very involved with other students, and probably kept to himself

he’s also hyper-aware of his surroundings constantly, including the people around him, so the fact that he noticed you wasn’t a shock

it’s that he noticed you, and then he couldn’t stop thinking about you

probably had some dream about you that same night that cursed him with a crush on you yk the dreams i’m talking about right?

he still continues to keep to himself, and whenever he spots you from his peripheral vision he just dashes out of there. he realizes that forcing himself to act normally around you might actually improve his situation and help him get over whatever this stupid crush was but he was not taking any chances

he also knew nothing about you, just your last name!

so anyways both the boys and girls vbc’s are heading the same school, so they got one bus for the both of you and combined them.

because his general dislike for crowds, omi usually sits out in the front, especially because the door to the bus is right next to him. idk he just seems like the kind to map out an escape plan for every room/vehicle he enters i don’t have a reason why i think so

the game was happening on a weekend, really early, like way too early, so it wasn’t a surprise that you were tired. it’s an unspoken rule that those who sit in the back make a lotta noise and all that, so you opted for the front seats instead to at least try and rest a bit before the game

you don’t sit directly next to him, but there’s only an aisle separating the two of you

because, yk, manners, you give him a small smile before saying, “good morning!” and settling in your seat, your bag between your legs

omi on god freezes up lmfao

he doesn’t mean to sound so rude but it just comes out that way! he says something along the lines of “what are you doing here?” and immediately regrets it after it leaves his lips. he visibly cringes

but instead of being thrown off, you just laugh, and sakusa curses everything behind his mask because holy shit were you gorgeous and wow was his stomach just somersaulting

not a nice feeling

you explain to him briefly that you’re on the vbc and you were heading to play the girls of the same school he was gonna play against and all that, and he just hums and nods and tries to ignore the thump thump thump of his heart

you don’t really interact during the bus ride going to, it’s coming back that you do

you tell him that you managed to glimpse the last bit of his game, where he was landing a spike, and you complimented his skills and pointed out his freakish wrist move

he noted that he didn’t get to see you play and your brain went opportunity!

you go “well maybe you should come to one of my dates” like the absolute smooth talker you are

omi just hums and goes “i’ll see”

absolutely is there lol

the development into a relationship is more implicit than explicit. the two of you don’t announce to the world, but honestly, neither do you do it to yourselves. like you’d been on a coffee date with him at some point and your parent or sibling texted something you found funny and mentioned him as your boyfriend and you showed it to him and he was like

am i your boyfriend

like idk am i your girlfriend

he said yeah obviously

i love this boy so fucking much pleaseeeee

but yes just as your development into a couple is subtle, so is your overall relationship. and honestly? you wouldn’t have it any other way

semi eita

omg pretty setter semi eeee

so yk how shiratorizawa students live in dorms? there’s no way semi hasn’t noticed you before, even if it’s separate dorms for different genders. like you two probably come across each other every once in a while at a vending machine or something, and exchange a word or two

it’s not until when semi starts to look forward to seeing you, or when he gets disappointed every time you don’t make an appearance, that he realizes, you know, he’s kinda developed a liking to you

he doesn’t really know much about you, aside your name and your favorite go-to snack from the vending machine, so he’s left a little frustrated at the lack of interactions you two have. like he’s just living off that small laugh of acknowledgment and the hi, hope you sleep well! you know? like he wants more from you. he wants to get to know you

he can’t seem to ever see you in school either, because the stars hate him that much and don’t wanna align for the two of you, not even a little to share one class with him. just one

it’s just his luck, though, when a busy weekend for all the sports teams comes along, and each sport is sectioned off to a bus. volleyball boys and girls in one bus, swimming boys and girls in one bus, etc.

he really doesn’t expect it when you get on the bus, because what the fuck you play volleyball??? and then he really doesn’t expect it when you recognize him, gasp and grin, and wave at him, and go over to sit by him

his brain’s short-circuiting

you immediately start conversation as you’re setting your bag down like “i didn’t know you played volleyball!”

and he laughs and nods like “i didn’t know you did either”

it’s honestly a really cute and satisfying moment like okay maybe the stars were just taking their time aligning thank you universe

the two of you click immediately. like annoyingly so. you have so much in common, and you spend the entire ride chatting excitedly about everything and semi’s wishing he’d just asked you to hang out way sooner, like as early as the first time you’d met at that vending machine

the girls’ games finish a lot later than the boys, so he comes and watches you play, and is enamored by you, completely. in his head he’s just ‘this girl just keeps growing more perfect.’

he walks back with you to the bus, and sits next to you as well. when you arrive back at the school, you don’t immediately go to your dorms, and he suggests grabbing a refreshing drink from somewhere nearby

it’s incredible how you still have so much to talk about

the time passes really quick with him

it’s while you’re having that drink with him, probably iced tea or boba or something, he tells you about his small passion for music, and you make him promise to play you something at some point. he loops his pinky with yours :)

he also confides in you about having been replaced on his last year, and how he tries not to let it affect him but he really can’t help him. from then on, after each of your practices, you invite him in your gym, and have him set to you, just so you both have an excuse to spend time with each other, and so that he gets to practice and play the way he really wants to, without any restrictions placed upon him and no one waiting to take his place

i think as a couple you’d probably really bring out the best in each other, and you’re constantly always, always there for each other. really, really reliant and supportive as partners, you know?

you go to all his games, and whenever he’s pitched in, you scream his name the loudest and cheer him on so much. one look at your face, and he’s reminded of who he is and why he does what he does, and he’s immediately grounded aw <3

shirabu kenjirō

omg shirabu with a crush 🥺🤲🏼 i love it when characters seem so cold and standoffish but as soon as they’re around the people they care about they do a 180. that’s shirabu 100%

he really, really, really liked you. like it was embarrassing at this point. he totally denied it every time anyone even thought it, and he really tried his hardest not to be obvious around you

i like to think he saw you around school and that’s how it developed a little, but maybe you were friends with some of the vbc boys because of your shared interest in the sport, and you come to play with them sometimes after practice, he’d just never be there

but one time you walked in and he was like guess im not leaving

he was a little starstruck at the fact that you played volleyball. he honestly wouldn’t care, but it sorta felt nice that there really was something that you two had in common

and you were good. at everything. you received semi and ushijima’s serves, and goshiki’s and ōhira’s spikes, perfectly, and reacted to tendō’s blocks so well, and hit his tosses just right. you were incredible. maybe your skills were magnified from his specific lens, but there really was no denying you were skilled

damn this. all this.

especially any time you’d spike his toss and give him a really wide smile and say, “nice toss!” like seriously the way his heart’s spasming cannot be healthy what the fuck

and then he finds out the girls are sharing a bus with them, and then you walk in

and then you walk towards him

obviously, outwardly he looks unimpressed and unfazed but trust, his palms are sweaty as fuck

before the bus moves, you stand by his seat and make small talk with him about volleyball, before you realize the bus is moving and you have to sit down, but you’re still in the middle of a conversation with him, so you just sit next to him and continue like nothing happened

he just. allows it.

the school you’d been going to had a really big court where both the girls and boys were playing in the same gymnasium on opposite sides of the court, so when you arrived and changed and all, you were like “wanna warm up together” couple goals <3

pls semi, taichi and tendō would probably tease the fuck out of him lmfao. he’d just glare at them but he has such a big blush on his cheeks as he stretches and warms up with you that the glare is completely ineffective

you go to sit next to him on the bus ride home, but the day’s exhaustion catches up to you, plus the bus’s movements are lulling you, so you end up falling asleep on his shoulder, and when shirabu first notices that you’d actually fallen asleep, he looks down at you with such a dreamy and awestruck face. goshiki took a picture and likes to torment him with it. shirabu has it as his lockscreen now lol

as your boyfriend, he’s the exact same. very standoffish to everyone outwardly but to you? it’s a different story.

nonetheless it’s not very obvious. so yes, he will have a scowl on his face as he tells you off, but his lips are slightly upturned and there’s a little pink shade on his cheeks that show just how endearing he thinks you are

really loves to practice with you because he loves seeing you in your zone like that. also you look hot

anyways yes he’s such a cutie i will not take criticism

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #hq x reader #sakusa x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa headcanons #sakusa kiyoomi headcanons #semi x reader #semi eita x reader #semi headcanons #semi eita headcanons #shirabu x reader #shirabu kenjiro x reader #shirabu headcanons #shirabu kenjiro headcanons

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hythlodaes · 2 years ago

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i am so curious about emile and estinien’s story 👁👁 are they separated right now?? ;—; how did they first meet? diving into their tag tonight but thought I’d ask..

omg jay ily <3

they first meet when estinien's former father figure/mentor, alberic, tasks emile with tracking estinien down after he steals the eye of nidhogg, the dragon that burned down his village and whom he has sworn vengeance against. when emile finds him, the eye responds to him as well, making it the first time two azure dragoons have been chosen. there's a lot of history between estinien and alberic, but estinien feels betrayed by him to the point of attacking him, and emile literally stands in front of alberic to protect him, to which estinien calls upon nidhogg's power to duel him. he loses <3

so those first interactions are really just about that recognition in each other and establishing that connection as azure dragoons, and i think that's part of what first drew me to the idea of them. they're so, so similar—they both have this deep seeded need for vengeance, and they both follow similar paths until they converge and then split.

when they meet again during heavensward, it's as allies. and working together, despite their initial experience, they finally have the chance to actually talk lol. as they travel, they spend so many nights awake together, getting to know each other and share stories and truly open up with each other as only they can. there's an inherent understanding of who they are and being able to recognize themselves in each other, which isn't exactly a good thing with a lot of the same threads of anger and injustice, but i think it's very necessary for them both to be able to see that.

ultimately feelings do grow between them, but the timing is so wrong and they know it. with the war unraveling and the loss that happens, emile closes his heart off entirely. and then when nidhogg takes over estinien, the fear of losing him makes it that much harder to deny his feelings but also to give in to them. they slay nidhogg and get estinien back, but everything is still raw and they wouldn't be able to give it the chance it deserves.

so nothing happens. they say goodbye only hinting at what was between them but never giving it a name. and then they're apart for a long while, but it's during this time that they both find a lot of individual healing. estinien, in his recovery from nidhogg's influence, and emile, after confronting zenos and choosing to let a lot of his hatred go. they meet once in between to help reunite a young dragon's parents, ending up on the same mission by chance and getting just a moment to see each other again—which, for emile, reaffirms a lot of his feelings.

but the point i got to today, emile collapsed during his confrontation with zenos 2.0 and went unconscious just as he was about to be dealt a killing blow. when he awoke, it was revealed that estinien was the one to save him, but had already left again T_T so i am absolutely yelling because they're so meant to be together but still need to be apart for a little while longer!!!

but i have no idea where it actually goes from here lol, just that it seems like the stars are starting to align for them to have a chance the next time around and i'm very, very excited about it!!

#very long winded and a lil incoherent but ty <33333 #genuinely wasn't expecting it to unfold like this but it's yearning hours 24/7 lately !!!#emile/estinien #oc: emile #ffxiv #drg spoilers #heavensward spoilers #stormblood spoilers

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mazojo · 4 years ago

Text

Winter 2021 Anime Opinions

As always its that time of the year I pretend to be an anime connoisseur and leave my review on this seasons anime so take it with a grain of salt asdfgh from the one I enjoyed the least to the most.

Wave!!: Surfing Yappe!! (TV)

You are seeing currently the only probably best thing about Wave asdfghj Tanaka bby I am SO sorry you got stuck here,,,,, Its bad because I had so many expectations for Wave but it just...... isn’t very good? The characters feel 2 dimensional, animation is veeeery average and the plot is all over the place? Dont even get me started on the Shou situation plot device that they just brushed over and went on with and,,,,,big sigh

Urasekai Picnic

To be honest is not very fair to compare this one to the rest as ive only watched the first 2 eps but ill catch up eventually asdfghj its not bad just that the plot didnt capture me as much as I hoped but the two main characters cutiess the plot just confuses me asdfgh but I don't have much to say about it

Yakusoku no Neverland 2nd Season

So uh anyways Chile I don't wanna talk about it the only reason this is not dead last is because RayEmma cute moments but yeah don't watch this clown show go read the manga for self care ✨

Jaku-Chara Tomozaki-kun

The only reason this is here is because she. The main girl I cant remember the name of sucks and main dude is very normal asdfgh the plot is basically “Want people to like you? change everything about yourself and become a normie robot!!!” ASDFGHJ Like its so over the top and cringe at times it becomes very confusing but hey I am not caught up either so I may change opinions (x doubt tho)

2.43: Seiin Koukou Danshi Volley-bu

From this point onwards I basically like everything. 2.43 Started suuuuper strong for me, definitely thought it would be one of my favs this season but as the eps went by I just.... kinda lost interest asdfgh? Like its not bad, but its a sort of mix between Stars Align and Haikyuu where I would have loved a more character based story with dark subplots like Stars Align but got the parts I always criticize about Haikyuu were there was a point I didn't really knew any of the characters? ASDFGH like the enemy team is super cool and Love their designs but if you ask me to tell you anything about them I already forgot rip. Its still cute and the animation is cool but yeah it kind of disappointed me in the end a bit ;w;

Shingeki no Kyojin: The Final Season

AOT Is so sexci because it keeps on hurting me and I come back every-time for it ASDFGHJ Not much to say that hasn't been said, characters are super interesting, plot is a bit confusing at times for me to follow but amazing and I just :))) could go on about certain characters :))))) but I wont :))))

Wonder Egg Priority

Wonder egg priority is very talked about right now so I wont get too much into it other than definitely give it a watch if you like the more philosophical and “makes you reflect on your life choices” sort of anime ASDFGHJ the visuals are stunning and the characters very well build, although I am very confused at times I am still enjoying it tons ^^ Trigger warning however for some heavy topics I recommend checking the warnings before watching it <3

Kemono Jihen

I LOVE THEM OKaY? asdfghjk Kemono Jihen gives me the found family topes and I eat them all right up, I love the characters , their designs, the plot, everything. To be fair tho, I did enjoy the manga more than the anime but maybe its a pacing thing? idk but I definitely recommend 100% taking on the manga and maybe after watch the anime but I am enjoying it tons!!

Kai Byoui Ramune

This one may come as a surprise lol?? Like I haven't seen a single soul talk about Ramune but like??? I am actually enjoying it a lot?? and look forward every week for the ep? asdfghj Like yes I will be the first to admit the animation isn't really the beeeeest out there but the plot is funny while also being serious, the characters are quirky and interesting to keep the flow going and I am liking the undertone heavy messages? the soundtrack also slaps imo and yeah I would definitely say to watch the first ep and if you like that sort of dynamic take it up on the rest!

I★Chu: Halfway Through the Idol

Okay I will be the first one to admit this is just me being trash for the idol shows but like?? its my list so I get to decide which found family I am screaming about next ASDFGHJ. As an avid A3 stan this gave me serious vibes of my boys (plus they were made form the same company so like not very surprised there loll) and like I think the characters are cute with adorable relationships and cute songs and its just a lighthearted show I sit down every Wednesday and smile through the 25 minutes so yes I Chu deserves a high spot and yes I recommend it even if it has like a 6.3 on myanimelist sksksks

Dr. Stone: Stone Wars

Look at Gen!!!! enough reasons to watch dr stone!!!! ASDFGH but in all seriousness I....... love them okAy? The plot is amazing and the characters are super entertaining (hiiii Ukyo Gen Senku and Chrome muak) and although it may seem a bit slower paced than first season the arc is gonna get better and better and the finale is gonna be great if they stick to the manga. Only sad that I dont get to see my pirate fuckboy but we better be getting a third season

Bungou Stray Dogs Wan!

when I say this is the happiness of all my Tuesdays I ain’t even exaggerating ASDFGHJ Does this have an important plot? no. Is it transcending to animation? not really. Is it BSD content I've been starving for? absolutely!!! Tbh I see my favorite anime characters in chibi version and I go feral, go watch BSD pogg!!

Horimiya

Me?? searching for that one gif of the side ship scene am obsessed over?? more likely than you think ASDFGH Horimiya holds a special place in my heart because it was the first manga I ever read and the nostalgia is stroNG,,,,,, The plot isn't anything really transcending but the way the characters are captured the feelings just,,,,,, stan!! Also Yuki x Tooru supremacy !

Skate-Leading☆Stars

Okaaaaay this is also me being a bitch for sports anime but like, again, are we surprised?? ASDFGHJ It may be my love for Hayato speaking but ive absolutely loves Skate Leading Stars, I love the group, the main characters, the ships, the routines and its so pretty and they are in love and like the competition and asdfgh its gOoD OKaY??? Watch it if anything for Hayato 👉🏻 👈🏻 My bastard bitch I love the gremlin.

Beastars 2nd Season

I think we are all sleeping on Beastars brushing it off as a furry show. I don’t speak enough about it and I am not one to go about poetic cinemaness on main but beastars is a very poetic cinema show and yall sleeping on it. Coming from someone who was uncomfortable at first with the whole animal relationships part at first, just know beastars is so much more than that, it has a complicated plot with critics about the society within the show with amazing characters, great soundtrack and animation plus banger plot. Pina, Jack, Juno and Legoshi best characters and every week I look forward for the next eps so I hope yall go give it some love.

SK8 The Infinity

If it wasnt clear from my spam every Saturday that I am absolutely in love with this show I dont know what to tell you ASDFGHJ. Sk8 has an amazing range of characters I find fascinating, specially Reki, very much so everything Reki asdfgh but yeah!! Its super entertaining with an interesting plot and its definetely becoming one of my favorite animes because the amount of times ive rewatched the episodes to cope is kind of embarrassing lmaooo, definetely give it a try although I understand its not for everyone but like,,,,, do it for Reki? 🤧👉🏻👈🏻

#wow I..... need to get new hobbies apart from being a weeb ASDFGHJ #I enjoy doing this asdfghj goodnight spoilers #long post #spoilers #i am not tagging all of it only the top ones because I dont wanna get shitted on for the lower ones ASDFGHJ #sk8 the infinity #beastars #skate leading stars #i chu halfway through the idol #horimiya #bungo stray dogs wan #Kai Byoui Ramune #dr stone

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kalee60 · 4 years ago

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If it inspires you... maybe you could write an established relationship Steve and Bucky where they are completely in sync when it comes to the battle field and the kitchen but there’s one place they are like fumbling idiots. I don’t know where. No hard feelings if this sparks no ideas lol 😂💖💖💖

Oh Kay - this wonderful prompt you gifted me could have gone in so many different directions. And it most definitely inspired me to write something...

But it's neither a clever take on your words or a twisted storyline, therefore I have no apologies and I went the obvious route when filling your idea 😂 (why does my brain always try and get these boys naked?)

So this turned into something a little longer (of course), a little more ridiculous than anticipated, and features some very well intentioned Avengers and two idiots helplessly inept in love...

The fic made it to almost 5.5k and is also on ao3 here (with all tags necessary) if you prefer to read there instead, it'll be part of my stucky bingo fills - 'Sex Magic' and rated E for explicit sexual content 😉 so proceed below with caution...

Oh it's also the first time I've ever tried established relationship... hopefully I've pulled it off!

Steve was happy.

He finally had a home to call his own, a brilliant team of coworkers, a place in the future and he had Bucky Barnes. After more years than Steve could count, Bucky and he had finally found themselves on the same page - different century, but on even ground. They’d kissed in the heat of the moment after a brutal mission, stated their affections clearly and decided after a breathless confession - to give forever a go.

Having been on the battlefield together for years, Bucky at his six and always there for Steve when he needed, and Steve, having had Bucky’s back no matter the situation (or trouble it got him into) - meant they had a solid base to grow from. And as soon as Sam took over the mantle of Cap, Steve was free to be himself for once, and although Nomad made appearances on the odd occasion, he and Bucky still fought flawlessly together, seamlessly, almost at one in their movements.

It was magical.

But not only were they in sync when under pressure and danger, that same energy continued into their modest but homely kitchen in their brownstone as they unlearned that boiling was the only way to prepare food. They wove around each other, hot pans and knives flashing in a dance as intricate as fighting while they spun about the kitchen, preparing dish after dish, including sweet treats for themselves and cat treats for Alpine.

Bucky and Steve were essentially one unit, an extension of the other in every aspect of their lives - except one…

They’d shared their first kiss, a declaration of intent less than a month earlier on the battlefield in the midst of chaos, and Steve had never felt sweeter lips against his. But it wasn't just the kiss that floored him, it was the all-consuming knowledge that Bucky was his, would always be his, that they were made for each other - that's what made it a perfect moment.

Afterwards, when they'd arrived home tired from the week-long operation, 'congratulations' and 'about times' ringing in their ears, they sat on the sofa staring at the other until Steve leant in, cupping Bucky’s cheek and slowly pressed forward. Bucky having the same idea, lurched up and they smacked heads hard enough to see stars. Chuckling with small smiles, they tried again, with Steve accidentally biting Bucky's tongue, and the third was a kiss so awkward and sloppy, it made Steve feel like a thirteen year old practising on the back of his hand again.

Steve wasn’t sure how he'd got it so wrong.

Bucky had laughed it off at the time, asking Steve if he wanted to watch TV, and with nothing left to do, he agreed. For two overly large war-torn men, they fit wonderfully; wrapping limbs around the other, holding tight like they'd never let go again. It was soothing, comfortable - right. And as Steve pressed soft lips to the crown of Bucky's hair while a documentary played in the background, he wondered why their attempt at kissing when alone, without an audience hadn’t worked.

Steve could only put it down to nerves.

Bucky was his best friend after all, he was the only one who remembered and knew Steve, knew everything about him in fact, there were no secrets - except for the almost one hundred year pining between them. The awkwardness had to be because of a change in dynamics, they were now more, they wanted more, and were so nervous and scared to adapt to something new, it had become an issue of self-confidence.

It would get better.

It had to.

The next morning when Bucky left for a briefing, he placed a kiss on the corner of Steve’s mouth, and when Steve jerked his head to the side to capture Bucky's lips, he somehow managed to press his teeth into the soft pink flesh, tasting blood. Bucky pulled back with a huff of laughter and licked his lips to capture the red stain before leaving with a wink and a goodbye. Steve flushed red, the heat on his cheeks burning enough that he jumped up and organised an impromptu run with Sam to escape the memory. The whole time Steve lamented to a cackling Sam, that he'd somehow forgotten how to kiss.

Sam was a dick.

It had officially been three weeks, three full weeks of 'dating' and even though their actual dates were wonderful, full of laughter and fun and exploration, it was when they crawled into bed next to the other that suddenly every kiss, every touch was fraught with danger and peril. And maybe it was because they were both supersoldiers, both familiar and unfamiliar with some of their strengths, they'd overlooked they were still prone to the usual calamities that befell non-serumed folk, they just bounced back quicker.

So when Bucky ground down hard enough it bent Steve's dick practically in two - well, it wasn't pleasant, and took over an hour for the tears to stop streaming, all while he yelled to a panicked Bucky there was no way he was calling Dr Cho over it and that it would heal.

It healed, but Steve winced each time he went to the bathroom for the following two days.

The love bite Steve sucked into Bucky's upper thigh on the way to taste his gorgeous dick for the first time, erupted into a blood blister almost immediately and Bucky instinctually jerked away, kneeing Steve in the temple.

He only saw stars for two minutes, but the mood died in a flurry of apologies while the mark on Bucky's skin disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

By Steve's count, they'd tried a total of ten times to initiate sex, to make each other feel good, and every single time something had happened to thwart their attempts.

Steve wondered if the universe was trying to tell them they were not supposed to get physical. That they were destined to be best friends without any benefits.

But Steve wouldn't give up without a fight.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“You can stop laughing now,” Steve said with a sigh, taking a sip of his espresso while trying to ignore the spluttering of his other best friend.

“Oh I know, but I can’t. You kicked Bucky in the hip so hard it somehow threw his body out of alignment and he was walking with a limp for two days. And not the type of limp you want.” Sam was practically heaving in mirth by that stage.

“Why did I come to you for advice? I'm leaving.”

"No, no don't. I'm glad you came to me. But Barnes? I understand your reaction because I'd kick him so he couldn’t walk for days too - but obviously under different circumstances,” Sam added when Steve scowled at his words.

"I don't get it though," Steve complained with an exaggerated shrug. "We sync so well everywhere else. Christ, we even snuggle in such a natural way, that neither of us have had a real nightmare in a month. We are more than ready for the next step. Sam, you have no idea how much we want to take it - but the minute we try to get… intimate - it falls flat."

Sam took a long sip of his iced coffee, thick cream bobbing over the surface as he tilted the glass up. Steve winced at how sweet it had to taste, but he said nothing, remained quiet, knowing that Sam would have some advice at least.

"Maybe it's the way you say intimate? I'm joking, jeez Steve, don't give me your disappointed face. Look, I think you should set the mood, you know - music, candlelight, silk sheets and no distractions. Maybe some aromatic oils too, do the whole, 'I think you're sexy and I want you' gesture - make it obvious you find him desirable.”

“Aromatic oils?”

Sam smirked and waggled his eyebrows, “for a special massage of course.”

Steve flushed at the thought of having Bucky’s naked skin and hardened muscles under his hands, sliding and slipping as he loosened him up, ready to make Bucky fall apart, make him languid and hazy with want. Sam coughed and Steve realised he was letting his imagination run too wild, especially in front of company.

“You know what? I think I chose wisely for my replacement.” Steve grinned as Sam ducked his head, a pleased look gracing his features. “Thanks, Sam. I’m sure it’s a timing thing, we just need to make it sexy.”

Sam clapped his back, and with a wide toothy grin and a wink, said in a low deep voice, “you’re an overachiever Steve - you’ve got this.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Steve in fact, did not have it.

Maybe his first mistake was to massage Bucky on the sofa, not in their bed. He used too much oil and when Steve raised himself up, eager to flip Bucky over and finally take his hard dick in hand, the vinyl fabric in conjunction with Bucky’s skin was soaked and slippery. Steve found himself sliding and flailing uncontrollably, right off the sofa to smack his face into the coffee table, the mood disappearing in a peal of Bucky’s laughter. Steve couldn't even blame him, it would have looked a sight.

After a long hot shower where Steve contemplated his choice in friends and their terrible advice, Bucky and he sat on a freshly cleaned sofa and watched Animal Planet while eating Thai. They ended up cuddling under Bucky's weighted blanket, falling asleep entwined, and just before Steve blacked out, he wondered if maybe Sam wasn’t the right choice for Cap after all. His plan stunk.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“You do know I’m not that kind of Doctor, right?” Bruce reiterated for the third time, and Steve shrugged in response.

“I know. But at this stage it’s worth a shot. So Doc, any advice for me?”

Bruce sat back on the lone stool in his lab, hand cupping his chin as he thought. At least Bruce appeared to be more contemplative than Sam had been. “Have you tried to romance him? Take Bucky out for a nice dinner, partake in some Asgardian wine to loosen things up, before dancing, showing him that you're a gentleman - prove to Bucky how special he is to you. In my limited experience, the rest will flow from there with no problems.”

Steve nodded along as Bruce spoke, holding Bucky against his body as they danced across the floor wouldn’t be too different from fighting together, and they were in perfect harmony while out in the field. Bruce’s idea made perfect sense to Steve, had more of a familiar feel from Bucky and his early life, before the war than what Sam’s had. Sam's suggestion centered on the physical between Steve and Bucky, whereas Bruce was suggesting something subtle, emotional.

“You know what Bruce? Thank you, I think it might just work.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

It did not work.

Halfway through their fifth dance as their bodies started to meld together, barely moving on the dancefloor, holding each other's gaze as they whispered words of desire to each, Steve leant forward, their lips barely touching. And as Steve took in a breath, feeling Bucky’s returning exhale on his lips, the back wall blew out in an explosion, Bucky headbutting Steve in surprise, and suddenly they had Hydra operatives swarming them. Steve, as he took out three hostiles with his shield, wondered if he should talk to Dr Cho about the effects of concussion and if he could suffer them, due to his head seemingly taking the brunt of recent mishaps.

Bucky and Steve fell into tandem together, their natural ability to fight kicking in, keeping the other safe. It was much more natural than dancing and Steve sighed, knowing romantic nights out might not be the right course of action for them.

It took three days of intense fighting to take down the Hydra faction, and afterwards they were both too tired to speak more than a sentence, and fell into a deep sleep curled around the other immediately.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Steve ignored Tony's unsolicited advice to take Bucky to a ski chalet and teach him how to toboggan, knowing freezing conditions and a small metal tube wouldn't be the best way to loosen them both up to get frisky. Plus Steve was still trying to work out how Tony even knew Steve had asked other people for advice about sex? Maybe JARVIS was spying again, though the AI had promised Steve he wouldn't.

But what was worse, was Peter Parker, at barely even twenty years of age coming to Steve, red faced and stammering, saying that he thought Steve should take Bucky to laser tag and the arcade to have some old fashioned fun.

Steve at that point was at his wits end, so he tried Peter's plan. When Steve was confronted with all the bright, colourful and confusing machines, he almost gave up. Actual 'old-fashioned' and Peter's idea of it, were poles apart. Though, Steve found he was really good at Tetris and Bucky excelled at zombie shooting games. But it was when playing laser tag it all fell over, Bucky and Steve getting too competitive, and a tad physical, which ended up with them being kicked out and banned, after having to apologise to a bunch of wide-eyed yet excited fifteen year olds.

Bucky's exclamations that there wasn't that much blood, fell on the deaf ears of the twenty year old manager who reprimanded them, saying that at their age they should know better.

It did not induce a night of passion afterwards. Although, Bucky purchased a console online and a bunch of zombie games that evening, including a bundle that included Tetris, so it wasn't a complete bust.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“So basically what you’re saying is that nothing has worked? You’ve been tiptoeing around each other for what? Almost two months now?” At Steve’s nod, Nat grinned, crouching down and did a handspring, legs wrapping around his neck, pulling him to the floor. “The way you are with each other, I honestly would have guessed you’d been screwing for years. If I didn't know you better.”

“That’s not helpful. I’m serious. We have a real issue.” Steve looked up from his twisted position directly into her green eyes and sighed, she loosened her legs and Steve ran a hand over his face and stayed on the ground. “What if we’re just not meant to be?”

Nat’s expression softened as much as it ever did, meaning her left eyebrow turned down for less than a second before reasserting itself into a perfectly sardonic position.

“Okay, my advice for what it’s worth, and just note that I’m extremely offended that you didn’t come to me first, I mean Sam - come on. But let it happen naturally, organically. Just like it took you a hundred years to own up to your feelings, wait until it feels right to have sex.”

Steve groaned, and stood up, “I’m not waiting another hundred years, Nat.”

“Jesus, Rogers. Fine. Go see Wanda then.”

“Wanda?”

“Use that big brain of yours, not the small one. She’s a witch, I’m sure she can help you out.”

Steve knew the surprise on his face wasn’t feigned. He’d not actually thought Wanda could do spells or the like, but the more he thought about Nat’s words, the more it appealed. Could some magical interference help them?

“Thanks, Nat - I’ll definitely think about it.”

In the space of him finishing his words and a smile forming - Steve was on his back again, Nat’s thighs wrapped around his neck as she squeezed with intent.

“You’ll see that I was right.”

~*~*~*~*~

That night when Steve tried to let things happen naturally, organically as Nat had suggested, Steve slid a hand up Bucky’s side, light as a feather, only for Bucky to squirm in laughter and throw his head backwards, smashing into Steve’s poor battered nose - which broke. It healed within seconds, but blood spurted out in a gush, coating the back of Bucky’s hair and neck. It took an hour to clean up.

~*~*~*~*~

He went and saw Wanda the next day.

~*~*~*~*~

“Well, I’m one lucky girl, first a visit and latte from James this morning and now you this afternoon with a pastry.” Wanda took a bite of the flaky dessert, one Steve knew was her favourite. “Alright Steve what can I do for you today?”

Steve’s immediate reaction was to ask why Bucky had been there, but knew that the two of them had a strong connection, Wanda helping Bucky through some of the residual trauma with her powers, and then their fast bond over Alpine - Bucky’s terror of a stray cat that took up residence in their apartment. Or took over would be more apt.

“I… err, I need your help with something... delicate.”

Wanda gave Steve the smallest smile, a knowing look in her eyes and Steve lost his train of thought for a moment, not sure he really needed another Avenger to know about his intimacy issue with Bucky. He almost chickened out, but Wanda leaned forward and grasped his forearm.

“It’s okay, Steve - you can tell me, ask me anything.”

Sighing heavily, Steve steeled himself, he was out of options.

“Alright -” Steve laid out plainly what had been happening, the awkwardness, the injuries, the sheer unluckiness they’d suffered each time they’d attempted to move their relationship forwards physically.

“And you came to me for...?”

“Help, I guess,” Steve said and looked at Wanda pleadingly, “Can you? I mean, with a potion or a spell or something of the like?”

Wanda slumped back in her chair, mouth opening to speak, but nothing came out, she remained silent. After a minute, she swallowed audibly then looked up at the roof, and if Steve didn’t know better, he would have thought she was rolling her eyes at him. Yet he knew that wouldn’t be the case, Wanda was polite to him, always had been, they were a team. Friends. Only Nat would take those liberties with him.

“Alright,” Wanda finally spoke and stood up, walking over to her kitchen cupboards, pulling out jars and bottles holding different liquids. And before Steve knew it, he was holding a small glass vial filled with a substance that smelt like vodka, but had rosemary and a slice of orange and a few other items bobbing around inside.

“What’s this?”

“Well you asked for a potion, didn’t you?”

“Really? I actually didn’t think you’d -”

“- Do you want the sex magic or not?”

Steve grasped the tiny bottle in his hand, careful not to crush it in his huge meaty hands.

“I do,” he said quickly and stood, pulling her into a warm hug, which she returned readily.

“Just take half an hour before you want to… well, you know.”

“Thanks, Wanda, you were my last hope.”

And as he walked out the room, Wanda called out after him, “you’ll be fine Steve. I know this will work for you.”

~*~*~*~*~

It worked.

Bucky was on his knees, mouth wrapped around Steve’s thick dick, swallowing and licking like his life depended on it. And Steve, well, he couldn’t articulate, could only stare down into those familiar grey-blue eyes that gazed at Steve like he was a conquering god, stare at the way saliva dripped down Bucky’s chin as he drew in as much of Steve’s hardness as possible, Bucky’s plush lips stretched taut until they’d lost most of their colour.

It was the most glorious sight of Steve’s entire life.

He didn’t want to think about Wanda in that moment, but he was eternally grateful to her. Bucky had disappeared into the bathroom about half an hour earlier - leaving enough time for Steve to drink the potion in one go, and before he knew it, almost half an hour to the dot, they launched at the other. For once there were no injuries, awkwardness, or pain - just hungry kisses, curious hands and moaning. A lot of moaning and grinding.

Then Bucky dropped to his knees, yanking impatiently at Steve’s pants until they all but ripped off, and sucked him down in the same breath.

Throwing his head back, Steve looked to the ceiling, fingers tangled in Bucky’s hair as Bucky hummed and gasped around his dick, sucking loudly, slurping and choking at times. But Steve couldn’t keep his eyes away for long. Bucky was too compelling, too perfect.

“God, you have no idea how you look right now do you, on your knees, mouth full of me?” Steve husked and involuntarily pumped his hips a few times. Bucky’s eyelids fluttered shut as he listened to Steve’s words, not complaining about the added pressure. “Born to take me, weren't you, Doll?”

Bucky practically squirmed on the spot, moaning and whimpering and Steve realised through the haze and bliss of what Bucky’s clever tongue was doing to him, that Bucky clearly had a thing for pet names.

“Do you want this large dick inside of you sweetheart? Do you want to sit on it? Take it deep into your body, let you take control and ride me until you come?” Steve should have been taken aback by his words, about where his filthy mind was taking them. But he was running his mouth, not thinking, letting what felt good flow off his tongue. And Bucky - he loved it.

Popping his mouth off the end of Steve’s dick, tongue immediately lathing up and down the shaft so as to always have a point of contact, he moaned loudly, wantonly. “God yes, Stevie - want you to fill me up, stretch me, want to feel you for days after, I want you to own me…”

Steve growled possessively, his fingers tightening in Bucky’s hair, pulling back so Bucky was jerked away from his dick, Bucky whining at the loss. Oh christ - that jar of sex magic needed to be marketed - it was phenominal. Steve had never felt so in control of a situation, so ready for anything, not scared, just willing to make Bucky feel good. “I want that too, baby, want everyone to know you’re mine.”

Yanking Bucky upwards, Steve devoured his mouth in a kiss, completely surprised that the potion had worked so well. Not only were they finally on the same page, they were doing it with no shame, telling each other exactly what they wanted and when, pleasuring with sensations and not overthinking, and the teasing - it was natural, it felt right. And Steve knew he was forever in Wanda's debt for the gift of her magic.

“I want to watch you prepare yourself, gorgeous. Want to see your fingers sliding in and out of your tight hole - a hole I’m going to own from tonight onwards.”

“Jesus, Steve, you’re killin’ me here.”

“Not quite yet, I’m not. Give me an hour and we’ll circle back to that.”

“Don’t speak to me like a rookie learning the ropes.” Bucky grumbled.

Steve smiled, “But aren't you?”

“Jerk.”

“Punk.”

Steve swallowed the rest of his retort when Bucky stripped naked to crawl up on their bed, spinning around to lay amongst the pillows, spreading his legs wide like he couldn’t wait to be railed. And Steve was unable to tear his gaze away from Bucky’s hole, his gorgeous and perfect entrance, one that would be puffy and leaking before the night was out - the superficial damage caused by Steve and no one else. A tight sensation welled in Steve’s gut, lurching when Bucky grabbed the lube, pouring liberally before starting to finger himself.

That was the point where Steve knew he'd made a grave mistake.

He wasn’t going to be able to watch Bucky open himself up, Steve was too wound up, too impatient and also too much of a control freak. He needed to ensure Bucky did a good enough job, knowing his girth alone was more than most people were used to. So when Bucky was two fingers in, sweat beading, eyes never leaving Steve’s face, Steve jerked forward and climbed up on the bed, positioning himself between Bucky’s legs. He lubed up his fingers to test the tightness himself, Bucky’s eyes opening in shock at the probing.

“Steve…” he stammered, “What are you doing?”

“Helping.”

Bucky sighed out a breath, relaxing into the intrusion as Steve pressed a finger in next to Bucky’s, and Steve shut his eyes, groaning; Bucky was so tight and hot, perfectly wrapped around Steve’s finger. Steve knew he was going to lose himself in Bucky’s body, was going to transcend, never be the same again and he couldn’t wait.

Steve ensured Bucky was a writhing panting mess before he even contemplated sliding into his tight heat. No matter how much Bucky asked for it, no matter the pleading, the begging (of which Bucky did so prettily, especially with the beginnings of frustrated tears in his eyes), Steve wanted their first time to be free of pain and injury, and by god was he going to deliver.

When he deemed Bucky ready, who pouted back to declare he was, hours ago, it only confirmed a surly Bucky was absolutely gorgeous to Steve, and Steve pulled him down the bed, spreading Bucky’s legs wide. Bucky sank back, allowing himself to be positioned, holding Steve’s gaze hotly as Steve pressed the tip of his dick against the loosened muscle of Bucky’s ass.

The first testing push felt like Steve was going to split Bucky in two - there was no way he would fit. But Bucky grabbed Steve violently by the back of the head, holding him tight in his superhuman strength.

“Don’t you fucking dare stop - not now.”

“Alright, sweetheart,” Steve said placating, “just don’t wanna hurt you.”

“You won’t.” Bucky replied adamantly, and Steve still wasn’t sure until Bucky husked out, “Trust me.”

And Steve did. He trusted Bucky more than anyone else in the world, the universe, and so he continued to press past the tight muscle and...

Oh.

Oh fuck.

He wasn’t expecting Bucky to feel so good, so tight, so perfect. Steve kept pushing, further and further, almost endlessly until he had to pull out an inch to gain more leverage, and the whole time he did this, the whole time he tested and pressed forward again, Steve watched Bucky’s face, looking for signs of discomfort. He saw none.

Bucky was slack-jawed as he stared into Steve’s eyes in a completely blissful state, and pride welled up inside of Steve, he was making Bucky look like that, giving Bucky what he wanted, desired. Steve and no one else.

It was both heady and compelling.

When Steve could push no further and was fully seated within Bucky’s body, he took a breath, then another, and although his instinct was telling him to thrust, take, pound, he didn’t. He’d promised Bucky something.

Grabbing Bucky’s waist, he spun them quickly; Bucky yelping suddenly at the change in position, and looking a little dazed, he ended up straddling Steve, thighs stretched taut over Steve’s large frame.

“Ride me baby.” Steve said simply, and Bucky melted, falling forward to kiss Steve’s lips passionately. Steve held Bucky close as a tongue snaked into his mouth, lips frantic and hot on his, so Steve jerked up into Bucky’s body, reminding Bucky of what he was supposed to be doing, earning him a gasp directly into his mouth.

Sitting up, Bucky pressed his hands against Steve’s stomach for leverage, and tested his breadth of movement, wiggling side to side before he started to move in earnest. Soon Bucky was bouncing on Steve, pulling up and slamming down, taking the pleasure he wanted for himself, and Steve, he lay back and watched the love of his life take every inch he could, and adored it.

After a while, sweat started to pour down Bucky’s temples, his eyes squeezed shut tightly in concentration as he speared himself again and again on Steve’s hardness, wringing pleasure out of every pore, and Steve knew Bucky was close - could tell by the shortening breaths. Licking his palm, Steve reached forward to grip Bucky’s gorgeously rigid dick as it bobbed freely before him, mesmerizing in its movements.

Bucky snapped his eyes open, capturing Steve in his intense gaze, a pleading spark in them, and what Bucky was asking for, Steve wasn’t sure - so he grasped harder and began to stroke. He was methodical, brutal, unrelatening and soon Bucky was clenching around him as come erupted from his dick, coating Steve’s stomach in sticky stripes, and Steve was desperate to taste. So he did.

Trailing a finger through the mess while Bucky caught his breath, Steve relished Bucky holding him deep within his body, clenching and twitching around him as Steve slid one wet and come soaked finger between his lips, moaning at the unique and tangy taste. It was pure Bucky. His essence, and Steve was addicted already.

“Oh Buck, I’m going to suck you so good one day. You’re the sweetest thing, aren’t you?”

Bucky nodded his head in return, sated and hazy, his breathing returning to some semblance of control, and with a refractory period only superserum enhanced soldiers experienced, Bucky’s dick started to fill again, not quickly, but enough Steve knew from experience that the sensitivity would have abated enough to touch - to continue.

“My turn,” Steve growled, spinning them back over, crushing Bucky into the bed under his weight.

Steve didn’t wait for a response, just immediately pounded hard into Bucky’s limp, open and languid body. And at odds with the rest of his self, Bucky’s dick hardened against Steve’s stomach with every stroke, but Steve had become lost in the sensations, in how good it felt to be encased in Bucky’s heat, his warmth, of finally being closer than ever before for the first time and he couldn’t think straight.

Grabbing Bucky’s chin in one hand, Steve pressed their mouths together, panting into Bucky’s as he whispered words of love tempered with a stream of filth that had Bucky’s eyes rolling to the back of his head.

Thrusting harder again and putting all his strength behind it, able to without hurting Bucky, Steve went into a frenzy as Bucky writhed and moaned underneath him, nonsense words falling from his throat. Steve held on as long as he could, but it was too much, had taken too long to finally be inside of Bucky, and with a litany of ‘oh god’s’ Steve came deep inside of his lover, his friend, his forever and basked in the moment, knowing it was all thanks to a little potion bottle.

As he caught his breath, inhaling Bucky’s scent, smiling down and kissing his lips reverently, Bucky looked up at him grey-blue eyes full of wonder and happiness.

Their smiles couldn’t be any larger.

Maybe magic wasn’t so bad after all.

~*~*~*~*~

“Judging by the way they couldn’t keep their hands off each other this morning at the team breakfast, I assume you gave Steve and Bucky some help and advice?” Nat asked Wanda as they sat in a wine bar downtown that night on their weekly catch up.

Wanda smirked, holding her glass up in a cheers to Nat. “Yep, Bucky came to me yesterday morning and Steve in the afternoon. Both seeking the exact same help.”

“And did your ‘sex magic’ work?”

“Of course it did - I used my best Vodka.” Wanda affronted that Nat would even question her, knowing the redhead was really teasing.

“What about the spell you used?”

“Well, I wriggled my nose for theatrics, added a sprig of dried rosemary that was stuck to the back of my fridge, and made my hand glow for a second. Some of my finest acting work I think.”

“Those boys just needed some inner confidence - I knew it would work.”

“Of course you did.”

“Damn straight. Tequila shots here please!”’ Nat yelled to the barman who looked way too eager to assist, even though the bar was packed. Nat left a hefty tip when their drinks landed before them less than a minute later, and picking up the glasses she handed one to Wanda. Wanda knew she was going to regret their night the next day.

Clinking their glasses, Nat declared, “to sex magic and dumb idiots in love.”

“And to us for being excellent enablers and smarter than the lot of them.”

“I couldn't agree more.”

Wanda woke up the next morning wishing she could infuse potions, if she was able to, then her headache might not be so epic. She hid under the covers for the rest of the day.

Romanoff was a bad influence.

#stucky #mywriting #established relationship #mishaps and injuries #attempting to have sex #multiple times #they sync everywhere except when trying to get sexy #well meaning Avengers #bad advice #clumsy Steve and Bucky #idiots in love #prompt fill #Kay this was fun to write ❤️ thank you for the idea!!#Wanda has magic.... doesn't she??#canon divergence #kalee answers

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washymylifeaway · 4 years ago

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SunaOsa fanfic recs: valentines edition~~

SunaOsa is one of my all time favorite ships and this past month, there has been/was an exchange going on between writers (here is the link) and artists (separately) and because I don’t have a life (or maybe it’s just that SunaOsa is my life LOL), I’m here to tell you some of my favorite fics from the pile :D However, as much as I love a ship, sometimes fluff is too asajndajnd so mind you there will probably be a lot of good fics missing just cause I couldn’t get myself to read more fluff (or angst) LOL (IM SORRY but sometimes I also just can’t motivate myself to read a fic no matter how good it looks OOPS).

As always, please check warning and tags before reading any of these fics, and take care of yourselves!!!!

In no particular order (jk the order is last updated haha) tho my favorites will have *** next to them :)

***glass stained black by unrequitedangst (E) 31k // Mafia AU’s are some of my favorite kinds of fics, and this one did not disappoint! The character development of Osamu is really legit and despite being mafia, it’s not that heavy or angst of a fic (but you should still definitely read tags and warnings first). It’s an Osamu heavy fic, and if you’re into reading him being stupid, go right ahead LOL.

redux by catalysis (T) 2.3k // ngl I hate break-up fics with a passion truely (when you can’t handle fluff or angst what to do) but I liked the concept for this one hehe (so I made myself suffer LOL). It was short, but cute !!! and the unspoken words really hit me in the FEELS (so what I’m dramatic fight me LOL).

Impropriety by DeathBelle (T) 5.7k // royalty~ I love the banter between them in this fic and we DO stan respectful Osamu yes we do <33333 The relationships between not only SunaOsa but SunaAtsu (because even though it isn’t really SunaAtsu best friend agenda, I can delude myself into think it is okay :/) are done so well and so nice he’s mean Osamu is best Osamu.

***what are you waiting for? by Slumber (T) 3.7k // MIGHT BE MY FAV FIC FROM THIS EXCHANGE!!! It made me cackle and I love how they learn new things about each other!!!! Like the development is so good and Suna is really doing the MOST!! Also, I love recursive endings AHHHHHH!

agape by sketchedsmiles (T) 11.7k // soulmates, then they were SOULMATES! (ik that’s not how it goes but pls just humor me LOL) This fic really depicted Osamu’s insecurities/internal turmoil/overthinking really well and the realization he has vs Suna’s AHJAFKASFJ. I love confident Suna.

fireside by tartaglia (starkartifices) (T) 3.6k // we do love the subtle flirt flirt don’t we hehe ;) It’s short, it’s fluff, and it’s funny - what more could you ask for? Also whats a vigilante fic if there isn’t at least one pun about being a vigilante LOL.

Over and Over Again by tookumade (G) 6.4k // I would like to order one reassuring, reliable Miya Osamu for myself please and thank you :((( The way the relationship is so GOOD like both Suna and Osamu pick each other up and they know the other has their back ajfhkajdfl. I would purchase all the onigiri with the deal Suna was proposing ;) Onigirintarou.

from here to eternity by TheGlovedArtist (T) 6.6k // I for one am a big fan of mythology and stuff (heroes of olympus but like IDR any of the plot LOL) so of course I read this fic. The snark appearances of Sakusa and Komori gave me LIFE and the difference in descriptions from Astumu and Kita cracked me up. This is another respectful Osamu fic (yes I love these) and in this one it was a ‘I save you as much as you save me’ type beat LOL. Gotta love rings.

***Subtle Inarizaki Dating by sifuhotman (T) 15.2k // THIS ONE. Even if you don’t read the whole thing, I beg of you, please, I AM ON MY KNEES, read the SID for Astumu. It is worth the loss of all your brain calls I guarantee it. It made me giggle so freakin much. Suna might be an A-Hole but he’s OUR A-Hole <3

Forever Begins with 8 Seconds by subtlehues (T) 3.9k // FLUFF hehe, I love their dynamic in this one it’s very good and cute and everything great! Also, I am all for the head cannon that Suna cannot cook, yes pls. Also SUPERPOWERS whooooooooh.

***try again, and again, and again by rosegoldwriting (T) 2.6k // SOULMATES! If you ever wanted a specific soulmate AU! for SunaOsa look no further, it probably comes out LOL. I love this concept of them just being like ‘WTF’ everyday, it gives me life. Also, count how many soulmate AU’s you recognized because I just thought about it and I think it’d be fun LOL. (I went back and I think 11 but I’m not sure LOL)

let us burn by SilverMoonT (G) 13.5k // I am always up for a nice vampire Osamu and witch Suna (which believe it or not, is my second one because I read the other one by this writer LOL) This one is more Suna POV and it really goes into his fears and desires, and I like the way Osamu pushes him to live more freely.

***reasons to microwave an elixir by spiritscript (T) 8.2k // THIS ONE. UGH I love, and it’s funny and cute and it EVEN HAS CRIME (kinda not really but yes)! I love the quiet moments they have and the PET AHHHHHHH! We love medic Osamu :DDDDD But also the betrayal and the sparring (and the irony at the end LOL) AJSKJNFK.

we fall between by stringendos (T) 14.7k // honestly the entire time I was just screaming at my computer, begging for them to hurry up and realize, but alas this is a ~slow burn~ for a reason and the tag ‘exes who act like theyre married’ really is the reason I read it and I do not regret LOL. Also bless Matsuda and stan her.

All the Time in the World by minie_ai (M) 8.8k // we love immortality! Denial! And Suna mentally filing away blackmail against people (namely Astumu) LOL. Running away from your problems is always the answer (I am saying this is a not sarcastic manner because I too, run away from my problems LOL) but ramen is ALWAYS a good answer. We love ourselves some emotional constipation LOL.

***none but you by broikawa (T) 7.2k // everything is a competition always LOL, not that I’m complainin but still LOL EVERYTHING. I really love this one because I love the progression and cock-block SakuAtsu hehe. I love them being synchronized idiots <3

it all comes back to you, (my home) by iritaescents (T) 4.5k // FOREVER, WE STAN FOREVER. Anyway, LOL this was is very very cute and fluff and not slow burn, it fast burn LOL. It’s a cute fic to read and it even has our favorite, now say it with me SOULMATES LOL.

Can't help falling in bed with you by tirralirra (T) 6.7k // here we see a 5 + 1 with points for the title (I think it’s very funny LOL my humor is bad ;)) Not that it really needs extra points because it’s a great fic in itself LOL but I really liked the title so I felt the need to share this with you all (OOPS). This was so cute, and the + 1 is HILARIOUS.

It’s no longer up :(((((( -> love's consequences by xginpuff (T) 6.5k // WARNINGS AND TAGS been a while since we had an angsty fic in this list (LOL the way I just tried to avoid all of them hehe). I read the tags but ngl I was still surprised later LOL maybe I’m just dumb, but anyway IK it starts out a bit confusing, but after you read more, you’ll get into it!

***sunagashi by bastigod (T) 9.8k // if there’s anything I like more than mythology, it’s folklore LOL. I love this fic and the plot is written so artfully AHDSAJN. Also the scene with the Ume-chan and her comment (so snarky I love). Also they way I went through so much trouble trying to figure out the kanji LOL (SPOILER it’s miyarin hehe)

catch me (while i'm still runnin') by lunarins (T) 4.3k // first and foremost, may we have a moment of silence for Komori and his eyebrows..... Continuing, this fic was so good because I love a good heist hehe. Their slight of hand abilities really doing the most LOL, and the ending OMG. I love the way the writer added in how they appeared to others during the heist, it really made it so good! Ugh to have a painting class and almost die LOL.

***if we get this right by Slumber (G) 5k // OLD FRIEND plsplspls I love this fic and I love how Osamu slowly relearns who he knew Suna as AHHH. The ending, again UGH, I really loved it and their banter with one another.

The Study of Suna Rintarou by DeathBelle (T) 6.1k // PLEASE the way Osamu kept getting offended omg. But also the effort Suna puts into getting to know Osamu, I was in ~love~. Read to me Osamu, READ TO ME. But also the Osamu is an oblivious MF agenda is alive and well within this fic hehe.

Take a Hint by pancake_surprise (G) 2.3k // ok so I had just read a tumbr post about the one bed thing and then I saw this fic. It was like the stars aligned okay? I was like, ig I HAVE to read it now hehe. But seriously read it, it’s cute and like everything else, of course there’s a challenge to be made LOL.

Heatwave by pancake_surprise (G) 2.1k // the way they were dating without knowing they were dating man. The tag ‘Didn't Know They Were Dating‘ more accurate than the ‘first dates’ one LOL jk but actually tho am I kidding? It’s the first official one IG. LOL anyway, we do love the doin of the defining of relationships. Yup.

If you made it all the way down here, CONGRATS LOL. Like I said, I didn’t read all of them (sadly) and these were the ones i did read LOL. I might add more depending on whether I can motivate myself into reading fics I know will be good LOL so we’ll see heh. Honestly, I thought I was gonna get word counted, but YAY we finished (for now hehe). Also sorry for any possible typos (is this no beta we die like men?) I’m running on 90 min of sleep so my engrish be strugglin LOL. Be safe and wear masks :)

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ducknotinarow · 3 years ago

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Musical Scholar for Buddy and Richard

| musical scholar

Why buddy get two? because he is an adorable loaf of garlic bread uwu You will be okay - lol you also made mention of this song for Richard to sing to Buddy since I know you haven't seen the show imma give context. This song is sung when the daughter has a nightmare that she can't find her dad anywhere and it scares her. Which I'm sure is something the poor baby maye worry about when it comes to their past.

It always feels so quiet in the dark It always feels so stark How silence grows under the moon And its always gone so soon I used to think that I was bold I used to think love was for fun Now all my stories have been told except for one - I would say this is a nice start to the song because nighttime is ofc dark and its easy for a kid to get scared when it's dark and have nightmares. And With buddys past Im sure waking in the dark after getting scared wouldn't help them any. So it be like claiming them and reassuring them that it's okay its just dark out speaking of the night sky since Buddy likes looking at the stars. the second bit well Richard has lived quite a life and been through some things many of his stories have been told and things he once thought have been shown differently. But he still has a story being told now being a family,and more so being a father to buddy.-

As the stars start to align I hope you take it as a sign that you'll be okay Everything will be okay And if the Seven Hells collapse Although the day will be my last You will be okay When I'm gone you'll be okay -Tracking back to Bailey telling Buddy about his (good) grandparents becoming stars, this would be Richard alluding to the same story that Buddy always has family watching over him, even when things are bad or seem bad Buddy isn't alone and never will be. Buddy will be okay though because even when not right there Richard will still be there for Buddy, or his other family members as well ;3; looking out for him and all.

The day that you arrived the sun went black An artificial night You came and stole away the light And put it in your eyes How could I possibly suspect That you eclipsed the midnight sun I thought that I knew all the moves But then you pulled me back to one -This is for the surprise Buddy was when coming into their life, Buddy became another light in Richard's own life and had put the eagle though many unexpected things he never saw happening to him. How much he cares and worries over buddy, Buddy may be unexpected but he has also become the welcome unexpected surprise that Richard couldn't see having as his son. Buddy may be an AI but that doesn't even factor because what makes Buddy Buddy is past the artificial -

Basically Buddy was a surprise, in Richard's story but he loves them so much ;3; even if Buddy cant find Richard when scared Richard will be there and he wants Buddy to know hell always be okay because they have a lot of love always with them even when they aren't with Buddy at the time. I'm also giving you this song though uwu because I had two in mind and I think this would also be cute for Richard to sing to Buddy You are my sunshine I know this is a love song buuuut I know many who sing it to their kids as well uwu The other night, dear As I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you, in my arms When I awoke, dear I was mistaken So I hung my head and I cried -Richard would be very sad if Buddy wasn't around, he doesn't fully know (atm maybe?) what Buddy went through in the past but he never wants Buddy to feel he would be wanted in their new life-

You are my sunshine My only sunshine You make me happy When skies are gray You'll never know, dear How much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away -Buddy is like a little sunshine ball of feathers ;3; esp since they love yellow so much. Buddy is the dumbs sunshine and they found them so they are thiers now they would be very sad if anyone or thing tried to take the baby away ;3; Richard said it before he couldn't see himself with out Buddy in his life now -

I'll always love you And make you happy And nothing else could come between But if you leave me to allow another You'll have shattered all of my dreams -Buddy never has to worry about lose their place because Buddy is irreplaceable ;3; but and i;ve said it on discord Richard will need some time to get used to letting go as Buddy grows but he would worry that may mean losing Buddy in a way ;3; this is just general parent worrying. Richard wouldn't wanna push his baby away he's just worried and protective of the baby-

#aflockoffeathers #madamkezzie #[the house you live in dont make it a home evans alder family aflockoffeathers ]#meme answers #muse| richard evans alder

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osita-iza · 5 years ago

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Tadashi Yamaguchi: Notes Along the Pages

Summary: Tadashi falls for the bookworm he’s friends with in class. He decides the best way to confess is to leave you notes in one of your favorite books.

Word Count: 2.5 k

Warnings: Vague spoilers for Jane Eyre lol

A/n: Self-indulgent fluff of someone who enjoyed English class

A hopeless romantic is a person who holds sentimental and idealistic views on love, especially in spite of experience, evidence, or exhortations otherwise.

Tadashi was one of the first people you became friends with in secondary school. Most people’s eyes would begin to glaze over after two minutes of you raving over books, which was one of your favorite activities. Not Tadashi’s though. Even if he didn’t know any of the characters or plot points, he would nod excitedly as you ranted over how the main character needed to grow a backbone or how the heroine was blind to the love interest’s advances. That was the foundation for your friendship that continued all through to third year.

That’s why you didn’t question him when he handed you a copy of Jane Eyre, one of your favorite books. He was blushing more than usual, but you knew he could sometimes overthink things and be embarrassed. He had listened to you rave about every aspect of the book for years at this point, and you had borrowed it from the library countless times. “I actually read it,” he muttered. His cheeks burned brighter when your eyes shined as you took in the book. “It was as good as you said it was,”

“I told you!” You pulled him into a hug. “But you really didn’t have to buy me this Tadashi. This is so sweet,”

He shrugged, and you didn’t notice how his eyes softened at your excitement. “I figured you’ve read it so many times, you need your own copy at this point. Plus, it’s a classic, so it really didn’t cost that much,”

You two continued on to class like normal. At lunch, you decided to go to the library to read, a common habit for you. You smiled to yourself as you cracked open the spine. You were almost completely alone, the only companions being students doing homework at the library’s computers. On the first page, a sticky note greeted you.

This was one of the first books you talked to me about in first year, and I actually bought this that year. You complained about some of what Rochester did, but that you knew that he needed to fall in love with Jane. I remember I could feel the love you had for this book and its characters, and I just wanted to experience that too. I wanted to see what it was about this book that made you love it so much. What was so special?

Then I read the book. While it is an amazing book, I did realize something.

You were what was special.

Your chest felt tight as you finished reading the sticky note. His writing was tiny and scrunched up together, something you always teased him about how difficult it was to read at times. As if he was so shy even his writing was trying to hide. You remembered how he listened to your overenthusiastic ramblings about the budding romance between Rochester and Jane. He was the first one who did, only one in fact.

Without hesitation, you skipped through pages until you reached another sticky note. It was the scene where Jane met her best friend, Helen; the bright sticky note staring back against the black print.

Okay I just finished this section and why didn’t you tell me what happens to Helen?!!! That really hurt.

I get why you love Helen so much though. She’s so calm and peaceful. She’s an angel, kind of like you. Even though it was her comforting Jane, I kept imagining your face.

I remember when we first met. Don’t tell Tsukishima, but I was terrified of going into high school. There were so many new people, and rules, and things I had to remember. Tsukishima was the only person I knew from my middle school that came to Karasuno, so I was worried about feeling like an outcast.

And then I got assigned to sit next to you for my first class. I don’t know what stars aligned for that to happen, but I’m really happy that it did. You were so excited that someone would listen to you about a book that you weren’t disappointed when I didn’t know how to respond. I never said it, but I could listen to you talk about books all day. You get so excited; it’s like you’re a battery and I get some of your energy when you do. When I was upset cause I was a coward, you told me that my shyness was cute to you. That me being quiet meant that I had more time to understand people on a deeper level before I spoke. Doesn’t mean I don’t still feel like a coward sometimes, but I always hear your voice reminding me I’m not when I do. You were my Helen.

There was a bright smile on your face as you reread the sticky note’s sloppy writing on the front and back. You remembered that day too. He had been tense in the seat next to you, and you chose to ignore him until you saw him trying to catch the title of the book you were reading. That observation sparked the strong friendship between the two of you- one that transcended summer breaks, finals, and different schedules. It bloomed into trips to the mall, late night phone calls, and studying with each other on the weekend.

Skipping through the pages, there were more and more annotations. Comments on the amazing writing, the “expensive” words the author used that he had to look up, and the amazing romance between your favorite characters. You made a note to go back through and read all of them later on. Right now, you were focused on finding more of these sticky notes.

The next sticky note was during the proposal scene between Jane and Rochester, when they admitted that they loved each other. Large sticky notes that covered almost the entirety of the page were placed there.

One time I asked you why you liked reading romance books so much, especially because you didn’t watch a lot of romance movies. I was walking you back home from the library because it was dark. You got this dazed look in your eye when I asked you. I wonder if you remember what you said...

You did.

You told me, in books, the author can’t rely on swelling music, or a pretty face, or fancy camerawork to make you believe two people are in love. They can only use words. You said that people were forced to use their words, and that reading it was so sweet and intimate, and you loved it. That the idea of someone thinking you’re as beautiful of the stars sooooo strongly that they have to tell you- that they’ll explode if you don’t know- was one of the most passionate and romantic things you could imagine.

You said you couldn’t imagine someone doing that for you, but the idea was really sweet. Ever since I heard you say that, I realized that the idea of you not getting that left a bad taste in my mouth. Because, god, you really deserve it.

You let out a shaky breath as you reread his words over and over again. Tadashi had never hinted that he felt that strongly about you. It felt nice that he thought of you so often, that your conversations replayed as much in his head as they did in yours. That he cared about you a lot, and he needed you to know that.

Your nerves were going crazy as you imagined Tadashi’s face. His smile and burning cheeks was one of the cutest things you had seen in your life. He was one of the cutest things you had seen in your life. You wondered what his smile would be like when you saw him next. Would his cheeks burn that beautiful rosy pink when he saw you holding the book?

You skimmed the pages, some having doodles in the margin, and you got to a page that had one of Jane and St. John’s conversations on it when you saw another sticky note. You giggled at the first line:

He is one of the worst people I’ve ever read about >:(

I understand every single rant you went on about him. I still don’t think that I fully understand everything you said about him because you talked a lot about history and Victorian patriarchy, and it’s sometimes hard to keep up, especially because when you get excited you talk really fast.

I love when you talk like that. Even if I never understand what you’re talking about ever again, I want you to keep talking to me like that. You look so cute and passionate about it. Your voice sometimes goes to a higher pitch too, god, I love it when you do that. It’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.

You skipped ahead, catching him comment ‘Thank god’ next to the sentence where Jane decided to go back to Thornfield. It made you smile, happy that he got excited by the plot too.

The amount of annotations increased, but the comments got smaller and smaller throughout the rest of the book. You were somewhat disappointed until you got to the last chapter. The only visible line was “Reader, I married him.” The rest of the book’s page was covered by a piece of notebook paper that was taped to it, folded up to fit inside the book’s cover.

Okay, so I saw this book at a bookstore first-year. I bought it, read it, and I planned to give it to you and ask you out at the same time. Obviously, that didn’t happen. I was too shy to give it to you, so instead it built up dust in my bedroom. Then, you said that you never 8thought you would get to experience all of the stuff that happened in your books.

And I didn’t know how to respond because whenever I read a line that would be considered romantic in this book, or any book, I always thought of you. All of the love songs, rom-coms, books, and cliches became about you. I understood all of those deep metaphors English teachers tried to get me to care about because I happened to sit next to you in class. So I’ll be completely honest with you and all of the ways that I’ve unknowingly found myself romanticizing you.

In simplest terms, you’re existence is pure poetry.

Sometimes you would wait for us after practice, and the sunset would come down and reflect off of you in the best way. You’re usually on your phone or reading a book. There’s a moment before you notice that we’re outside, and you’re completely at peace. I think I fall in love with you every time I see the light reflect off of your peaceful face. I wish I was an artist just so I could paint that picture over and over again.

Your voice is like music, whether you’re whispering snide comments to me in the middle of class, or ugly singing to songs when we’re alone, or ranting about how amazing the couple you’re reading about is. If I had to give up music or listening to your voice, I would give up every song in the world in a heartbeat.

I’ve spent so much time getting to know you, and I don’t think I could ever associate you with disappointment. All I want is to keep learning about you because there’s always something new to learn. Everything about you, from your personality, to how you speak, to that face that must have been sculpted is just captivating to me. You’re being is a museum dedicated to you, and loving you is getting the chance to explore just a corner of the museum. If it were up to me, I would spend everyday for the rest of my life trying to explore the rest of the art that is you.

Honestly, I think I’ve been in love with you ever since first-year; it just took me a long time to figure out how to verbalize it. Even if you don’t feel the same way, I need you to know that someone has loved you that much. I love you that much.

Folding the paper back up, you checked your phone, seeing that there wasn’t that much time left in lunch. You wanted to see Tadashi, but what were you supposed to say to that kind of confession? There was an intense energy in your body, but you had no idea how to utilize it.

You grabbed the book and your backpack, knowing Tadashi was likely at lunch with some of the other volleyball boys. As you stepped into the cafeteria, heart hammering against your chest, you saw him laughing along with his friends. He glanced over to where you were, as if he could feel your presence.

His cheeks immediately began to burn pink, and he said something to his friends before leaving the table and walking towards you. All of his friends turned their heads to look at you as Tadashi stepped in front of you. “So... did you read the stuff I wrote?” he mumbled. His eyes avoiding yours.

“Yeah, I did...” You began running your finger up and down the pages of the book in your hands, sometimes catching a sticky note that was sticking out of the side.

Tadashi nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry if any of it made you uncomfortable I just want-”

“Are you free Saturday?” His eyes widened, and he stared at you for a couple of moments. You let out a stilted laughter at his silence. “So... is that a yes?”

“Yes!” Tadashi said, cringing when he realized how loud his response was. “I mean... of course.”

You nodded, not knowing what else to say. He looked so adorable right now. You wanted to pull him into your arms, tell him how beautiful you thought he was, how you had been staring at him for just as long, how you loved everything about him.

The bell rang before you could though. Plus, you weren’t sure if you had the courage to say all of those things to him in the moment. You settled for grabbing his wrist to pull him closer to you. Tadashi furrowed his eyebrows at your action before his face somehow turned redder as you pressed your lips to his cheek. “I think you’re poetry too, Tadashi,” you whispered.

His body felt like jelly as you said his name. A soft smile came across his face as you leaned back. “I’m glad I told you then,” he said.

You giggled before holding up the copy of Jane Eyre. “I am definitely keeping this,” you replied.

“Not too cheesy?”

“Never worry about being too cheesy with me,” you giggled before you stepped away from him. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

He nodded, watching you hold the book close to your chest, as if you needed it to remind you of all of the words he wrote. And Yamaguchi promised himself that he would remind you of those words himself at every opportunity he would get.

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