#everything is shit. i love my friends. i love my friends and i just. i wish they loved me too.

[heylittleriotact]

I've never heard this banter and I'm going to go the fuck off.

Firstly: Everything @emmg said. The whole "I want to become a lich" arc is actually incredibly contentious for my death-positive, mortality embracing Rook. Like to the point where she basically tells him at one point: "I really like you, and I really like us, and it's important to me that you're happy, so I won't try to change your mind or interfere with your plans, but I think it's only right to be transparent now about the fact that I can't see a future for us should you successfully pursue lichdom." She's very up-front about it, because she isn't at all comfortable with the radical change of the entire power dynamic of their relationship: they would no longer be equals, and she's not interested in ultimately becoming one more rag that he's dragging behind him (to quote the absolutely beautiful song by Josh Ritter called 'The Curse' which is about an Egyptologist who discovers a mummy who comes back to life and they fall in love but since he is undead and she is mortal, it ends tragically and it reminds me SO MUCH OF a Emm!Lich/Rook romance, or honestly any future romances he might find himself in as a Lich.) Here - listen to it: go. Right now. Cute af music video too:

Secondly: BULLSHIT, EMMRICH. That's such absolute fucking bullshit. "There's always something to discover in the world" and "I think I should never grow tired of that" are both such insanely pompous, self-aggrandizing statements that he flings out there in an effort to frame himself in the light he wants to be perceived in: the Quintessential Academic - forever curious and eternally learning: an inspiration to curious and inquisitive minds everywhere to be celebrated and lauded for his immeasurable services to society.

The truth is, he knows it's bullshit, and is painfully aware that lichdom - even without a partner or someone like Rook is bound to be soul-crushingly lonely. Dude is lonely af and he's still got a fucking PULSE. But he's made it this far in life shouldering the burden of feeling like he'll never find someone. Loneliness isn't new to him, and it's really easy to suggest that after a few thousand years of existence under one's belt that picking up new friends will be as easy as popping down to the pub and saying "hi" to a stranger. Pffft! Trifles!

Emmrich is smarter than that. He knows better than that, but he's trying to convince himself just as much as he's trying to convince Lucanis that having to embrace the fleeting, transitory nature of relationships as he watches the ebb and flow of life and death cycle repeatedly before his eyes is not only what he wants, but it's what will make him happy and it's such a brazen contradiction of himself that if my Rook overheard this she would be unable to keep herself from snorting and going, "... really?"

This man is trying to put himself above love and friendships and relationships in a way that makes them seem like specimens to be studied and written about, when we know that he's probably written no less than a dozen poems about how Rook's hair looks in the sunlight, and is annoying the shit out of Vorgoth and Myrna because all of his letters home since he and Rook got together are less about their progress against the gods, and more about how absolutely wonderful Rook is and how pleased he is that he decided to accompany her on this journey blah blah blah...

He's collected a little family with the Veilguard, and he makes no secret of how much he cares for all of them.

Delusional, pookie: you're fucking delusional.

Lucanis and Emmrich about immortality

[buecketsnbueckets]

pretty on camera | P.B

summary: you, an upcoming actress, admit to your little crush on the rising in popularity basketball star, paige bueckers, in an interview. what you didn’t expect was for people to care that much about your confession but it might just work in your favor.

pairing: actress!reader x paige bueckers

contains: sweetheart!reader, reader’s sexuality is not mentioned so open to all wlw, rachel zegler is reader’s bestfriend (she’s not the fc this is open to EVERYONE! i just love that woman to death), fluff & flirting!

a/n: hi! this is my first post about paige so if you guys like this and want more of actress reader lmk :), ALSO my inbox is open for different suggestions for oneshots as well <3 MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE & HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

“Okay, everything’s all set up. We’re ready when you are.”

Your manager, Bella, instructs as you situate yourself in the chair that was given to you. Bright lights shone on your neatly pampered face, a boom mic right above the big camera lens that was aimed to your upper half. You nod with a kind smile, clearing your throat and trying not to ruin the position your hair was in that your wonderful hair stylist had done. Once you get the okay that the camera was rolling, you relax a bit.

You introduce yourself to the camera, motioning to the Teen Vogue box right next to you.

“I’m here with Teen Vogue answering your guys’ nosy questions that you sent in about my life and my roles.”

You beam as you reach into the red box, humming a tune to yourself before pulling out the first question on the strip of paper.

“First question; what has been your favorite role since you started your journey in acting?” You read off the ink on the paper, thinking to yourself with a small smile. “I think my favorite so far has been playing Brittany in Bottoms last year. Camp-y, stupid, fun movies are so entertaining to me and I was so excited when I got the call from Emma telling me I got it. Everyone was so incredibly nice and welcoming.”

You reach for another question, unfolding the piece of paper to reveal the next question for you. Your eyes widen at the first question, looking up at the camera with a chuckle.

“Okay so the next question is who is your current or past celebrity crush. Hm.”

You think to yourself for a moment before glancing over at Bella with raised eyebrows. The crew seems to chuckle at your stuck position already. You weren’t sure if you were allowed to say who you were first thinking of. Bella mouthed her name to you and you nod, heat already flooding your cheeks. Bella, seeming reluctant, nodded as permission to say the blonde’s name.

You cover your mouth with a hand and shake your head, letting out a long sigh.

“I don’t know if she’s considered a celebrity but,” you pause to purse your lips, puffing out a breath of hair. “Paige Bueckers. I also don’t want to hear shit in my comments or dm’s about it. I will block all of you.”

And oh, did you hear shit about it.

After that little exposing question on Teen Vogue, you were flooded with edits already of the two of you with clips from your few films you’ve been in and Paige’s games and TikToks. It had not even been a whole week since that interview was posted. Your best friend, Rachel, started spamming you nonstop with these edits with taunts and teasing.

You scoured through the comments, shocked at what people were saying.

‘pls never her get media training.’

‘wait lowk they’d be cute😝’

‘she’s gonna block us ALL guys omfg😭😭😭’

You really didn’t think you shared a fan base with a rising basketball player from a college in Connecticut but here you were. Rachel begged you to come over to hers so you could gossip about it the second your last interview was over. You, missing the comfort of normalcy, agreed immediately.

So after bidding the interviewer, crew, and Bella farewell, you got picked up by Rachel at the studio who was in sweats and a hoodie. She already had a cup of your favorite smoothie with a cheeky grin.

“Hey lover girl,” she leaned against her car, hand over her chest with an exasperated sigh as she handed you the smoothie.

“Shut up. Stop.” You already feel your face heating up at her words.

She laughed softly as she lightly kicked your ankle, brows raising at you.

“What? I’m sorry, is Mrs.Bueckers better?”

“Seriously, it's not funny.”

Rachel merely laughed louder some more at your flushed state, shaking her head. She unlocks her car as you hurriedly tug open the door. You settle into the seat as you take a long sip of the smoothie with a huff.

“I can’t believe you actually said that she was your celebrity crush,” your best friend hopped in the car as her laughter died down. “I don’t know how you didn’t see this coming.”

Truth be told, she was 100% right. You don’t know what the hell you were thinking.

“I didn’t think her fans would care about me of all people, you know?”

Rachel scoffs and shakes her head as she turns on the engine. “Whatever. You’re hot, gay and her age. I would’ve been more surprised if her fans didn’t freak out.”

You nod as you take a long sip from your smoothie, sighing out when your phone dings. You ignore it for now as you relax in Rachel’s front seat, asking her to please wake you up when you get to her place. You two talk about how Rachel’s birthday was coming up in a week and how you both wanted to go out just with your friends.

When you finally arrive at Rachel’s apartment, you finally check your cellphone to see a familiar name on your screen. Your heart drops at the sight, a wave of mortification falling over you.

paigebueckers | You have a crush on me?

paigebueckers followed yourusername

“Wait, no, Rach,” you reach for her arm as she's tossing her keys in a bowl by the front door. “She messaged me and followed me. I’ll kill myself right now.”

Rachel covers her mouth, words muffled but clear to you. “No. You’re kidding.”

“What the actual fuck? What do I say to that? This is so humiliating,” you groan as you cover your tired eyes with your free palm that wasn’t holding your phone.

In the blink of an eye, Rachel snatched your phone at lightning speed from your grasp, giggling as she ran more into her apartment. You took off after her, shouting ‘no’ as you knew exactly what she was planning on doing.

“You said you don’t know what to say so I’ll do it for you,” your best friend stated simply, shrugging her shoulders once she was able to flop onto her cozy couch.

She held her phone up in the air as her fingers hovered over the keyboard on your screen. You climb over her body to try and snatch it from her but she keeps moving out of the way.

“I’m gonna kick you,” you threaten her as you huff, pausing your attempts at fighting against her.

“Come on. Seriously. There’s no harm in texting her.”

As you settle back into the couch, you think about it for a moment. What is the harm? You reach over Rachel’s body to grab your phone back, huffing as you think about how to respond to that.

yourusername | oh god i am so sorry. this is so embarrassing.

paigebueckers | Nah there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m honored to be your ‘celebrity’ crush 😎

yourusername | i seriously never thought you would see that video but i guess our both of our supporters desperately wanted you to see it

paigebueckers | So what is it about me hmm?

yourusername | that crush just evaporated im ngl to you ‼️

paigebueckers | Alr Alr I’ll stop, pretty girl

yourusername | thank u. spare me pls ://

paigebueckers hearted your message

paigebueckers | Yk I’ve seen a few of your movies. I just didn’t realize it was you. You’re insanely talented btw

yourusername hearted paigebueckers message

yourusername | stop omg which ones? and thank you so much! <3

paigebueckers | Uhh the new Suicide Squad movie and Bodies Bodies Bodies. No problem!

yourusername | those are some of my favorites so i’m so glad you enjoyed them :)

“Okay when I said to text her back I didn’t mean only text her right now,” Rachel’s voice interrupted your furious typing.

You blush at her confrontation, clicking off your phone and setting it on the cushion next to you. “Sorry, Rach. She’s actually pretty chill. She seems…nice.”

“Next thing you’ll know she’ll be flying out to L.A to come and see you,” Rachel kids as she turns on her living room TV.

You didn’t say anything to that as you wouldn’t be completely opposed to it. You still had that lingering crush; that doesn’t just disappear overnight or within the first ten minutes you’ve been talking to her. Before you go lock in and focus on spending your downtime with your best friend, you check your phone one more time.

paigebueckers | Oh, I fs did. I was pretty focused everytime you were on screen, gorgeous

paigebueckers | I got practice rn but I’ll text you in a bit? 💗

yourusername | flirt but i believe you :)

yourusername | have fun at practice! get those gains in 💪

paigebueckers hearted your message

yourusername | happy birthday to my insanely talented best friend. you’re 23 now. i remember when we were both 13 year olds talking about becoming actresses and how cool it would be. now look at how far you’ve come, juliet on mf broadway :,) i love you, rach ♥︎

view all comments

rachelzegler | i’m gonna cry im literally sitting right next to you but i love you so much! 💜💜

↳ yourusername | i love you more 🤕💔

kit.connor | happy birthday to the icon herself!

↳ yourusername | iktr!!😩

randomuser | their friendship >>>>>

havanaroseliu | look at that angel ♡ ♡ happiest of birthdays!!!

↳ yourusername | that’s my mf bestfriend

randomuser | i always forget she was in bottoms and the cast is just in her comments LMAOSKSK

paigebueckers | Okay broadway legend! Period!! Happy birthday!

↳ yourusername | put some respect on her name!

↳ rachelzegler | oh hello paige😁 thank youuu!

randomuser | PAIGE?!!!

randomuser | wait omg they know each other???

randomuser | Did we bring them together?🙂‍↕️

TAG-LIST: @jnkbueckers @ch-3-rry

[fictionalmenxyn]

Frat!Rafe x Sorority!Reader Scenarios

1:

You were lying on your bed with Rafe. Rafe on top of you as you both made out. Your lips moving in sync as you both started to get into a heated make out session. Rafe’s forearms on either side of you on the bed as he somewhat cages you in. He starts to move his lips down and across your jaw and starts to go to your neck. When all of a sudden. Your bedroom door has three large bangs followed with a “open up it’s the fbi!”. Rage groaned as he pulls his lips away from your neck. Knowing exactly who it is he called back “I left the frat today to have some alone time! Why the fuck are you two here?!” You tried to hold your laugh back. Knowing it was Topper and Kelce. They could never go too long without Rafe. The door opened ever so slightly. Topper spoke “you two decent??” You smirked and answered “yes, Top-” Rafe quickly puts a hand over your mouth “No! Both completely naked! Do not come in!” Kelce let out a whistle while Topper spoke “ah! We know Y/n’s telling the truth… can we come in please…?” Both Topper and Kelce dragging out the ‘please’. Yep, they are indeed, the cockblocks. Why? Cause Rafe is in a stable relationship and they are still on the hook ups. Also it’s funny to see Rafe annoyed according to them.

2:

You were in the middle of class when you felt something small hit the side of your head. You rolled your eyes at the small piece of paper. Knowing where this was going. You opened the paper and instantly recognised your boyfriend’s handwriting. Rafe wrote ‘he sweet girl, the love of my life, my rock, my everything… can you get me canes when you and the girls go??? PLEASE??’ You smirked and rolled your eyes. Typical Rafe. And also typical you for still getting him canes.

3:

He’s in the shower, using your speaker you left over a couple days ago. What he didn’t know was that you came over to retrieve said speaker. As you got closer to his room you heard very familiar music. Very. Very. Familiar…. Oh the little shit! He signed into your Spotify account to listen to your white chick music. No wonder you could hear Brittany spears and Will.I.Am. You opened his en-suite door quietly. You could hear him faintly singing along ‘scream and shout, and let it all out.. scream and shout-” you pulled back the curtain “RAFE!” He jumped a mile. Almost slipping in the soap suds in the bottom of the shower “JESUS CHRIST!” You laugh “nope not him, but the fuck are you doing singing into my Spotify??” You knew why. He definitely didn’t wanna see all the football guys seeing a playlist on his phone saying ‘which chick tunes’.

4:

It was girls night at the sorority. All of you cozied up on the couches and watching your romcoms or action movies. Whatever you all could agree on, you watched. Then you hear the front door opening and a familiar “Honey I’m home!” You rolled your eyes as the girls laughed at Rafe’s entry. All the frat boys from his frat have arrived. They all approached, wearing comfy clothes. Since they all probably slept in their boxers and didn’t wanna just wear that in front of all the girls. They all come and sit by either their girlfriend or a friend. Rafe moved to cuddle into you. Yep, you can say bye bye to ‘girls’ night and say hello to ‘girls watch movies while the guys commentate or complain when the boy is being a bitch to the girl romcom’ night. Good luck.

5:

Rafe had set up a small ‘date’ for you both. Going to the near-by beach. He parked up his pick up. He pulled back the hard top cover to the trucks bed. Revealing pillows, blankets and a blow up mattress. You smiled at his little date idea. You both laid in the bed of the truck. His arm around you as you both watched the waves. Chatting about everything and anything. And thankfully this time there was no Topper or Kelce to interrupt. Good thinking Rafe.

6:

Rafe was rummaging through his closet looking for his old jersey. He was planning on wearing it to the gym. It was old and he wouldn’t need it for football. So it came in handy. Well, it would’ve. If it was in his closet. He groaned and rolled his eyes. First he thought about how it’s been sitting in the laundry for a week and he completely forgot to wash it. Then he remembered you did his laundry the other day since he was at practice till very late. He knew it was a sweet gesture. Too sweet to be true. Why? Cause you did it to subtly steal his jersey and a few other shirts. As usual. So. As expected. He pulled out his phone and face timed you. He saw you laying on your bed when you answered. He flashed his lopsided smile “hey baby, you okay?” You smiled softly and nodded “yeah, I’m okay, you?” He nodded as he ran his head over his head “yeah, I am… but I’ve seemed to notice a few things kissing in my closet…” you raised an eyebrow. “Missing? What’ve you done now?” He was quick to defend “me?!” You chuckled and nodded. He looked at you for a moment with pure silence. He then brown the silence. “Baby… could have my old jersey… please? I need it for the gym…” you smiled softly “well… since you asked so nicely, I guess you could have it…. If you do… in return, I get it back nice and clean?” He smirked and shook his head “that’s a hard bargain, sweetheart… but sure, I guess I could return it to its ‘rightful owner’…”. You smiled proudly. Yea! You did it. You nodded “deals settled, I’ll see you later. Love ya!” He chuckled “love you too, dummy..”

[star2fishmeg]

can you please do prompt 12 with quinn hughes!

Thank you for requesting <3 - Merry Christmas!

FLUFF #12 "Just pretend to be my date."

📞 dialling…

She stared at him directly in the eye, blinking like a deer in headlights at Quinn’s pleading face. Quinn Hughes, the man she had known since childhood, stood the closest he ever had before, minty breaths fanning over cheeks, in front of her in his parent’s empty kitchen with his hands clasped over hers. 

“Please, just pretend to be my date. Even if it’s for the next few hours or so, you know they ask every year, and I don’t need her doing that speed dating shit again.” He begged so quiet his voice rumbled in her ears and flushed heat up her neck, heart hammering in his chest hearing his aunt and uncle’s voices announcing their arrival from the other room. “Y/n, I swear I’ll make it up to you-”

“-Okay.” She smiled as his eyes lit up brighter, a familiar pull in her chest that tugged every time she was in the room with him, like two magnets trying to meet. They’d been through this same annual Hughes-l/n Christmas event for years, since they were kids, and every year it was always his nosey aunt who asked him if he had a girlfriend, fiancée or wife yet to which he always awkwardly had to think of some excuse. 

“Quinn! There you are my superstar!” his nosey aunt’s voice rang out into the kitchen. Quinn stood up straight, arm automatically wrapping around y/n’s waist and his hand finding comfort on her hip. Something about the gesture felt alleviating, perfect, natural, y/n responding with her arm winding around his torso, palm soothing over his back for reassurance periodically. “Y/n! Oh my, you look as gorgeous as ever! Look at you both, so grown up.”

“Aha, yeah,” he forced a laugh, feeling her beady eyes flicker between himself and y/n. Y/n leant her head into him, his whole charade starting to feel less like a favour and more real with the longer they held each other. 

His aunt gasped, making them both flinch and his grip tighten. She soaked in the sight, the way that even after all the years, they still fit in each other’s figures and still looked at each other the same way. They were still the kids who would sneak off to Quinn’s room, and on one occasion, had their first kisses there. 

“You two!? How long? Tell me everything, I must know! Has he proposed yet? When’s the wedding? I have to write this down, am I getting a niece or nephew? Oh finally! Y/n, Quinn’s been talking about you for years and the way he looks at you, oh my-” 

“Caroline, relax,” y/n smiled, heart almost stopping when his thumb rubbed her hip gently, “It’s been a year, so we’re still at the start. We’ve only just discussed living together.” 

No other words were spoken, and his heart swelled, Caroline took her dramatic exit to find her husband. Quinn and y/n exhaled, bodies slumping into each other and melting into each other’s embrace, her ear pressed to his chest while her hands gave his back a reassuring rub. 

“So, you’re moving in huh? At least let me take you on a date first, show you what I can offer.” He chuckled softly, pulling away to cup one of her cheeks, her eyes glistening under the bright lights as she leant into his palm and one thousand little fireworks exploded inside her chest at once.

“Talking about me for years, huh? Damn, couldn’t even tell your best friend who you had a crush on,” she joked, catching his genuine smile creep into his face with rosy cheeks, “But a date sounds nice, I’d like that.” 

They basked in a pleasant silence between them, the world pausing in each other’s steady eyes until choruses of surprised voices echoed from the living room. Quickly, he slipped his phone from his pocket, using his free hand to text his brothers the situation before slotting it back, cupping both her cheeks with his hands and puffing his chest out. They had only a few minutes to figure out a story, but in hindsight, they’d been in love with each other for so long, it wouldn’t be that hard.

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Hii, I hope you're doing well!! This is my first time requesting so I was REALLY nervous :")) I saw some posts about Y/N accidentally calling some of the creeps their "husband", and I was wondering if you could do one with Jeff? I'm really curious of how it would be like with him and I really like him ^^

Listen. Listen. This man has been wormed into my brain for the longest time and my softness for him came out today, and this became like twice as long as I originally meant to to be, because I love him. I honestly ended up wanting it to be longer, but this took me way too long to write, so I cut it short. I hope you enjoy <3

While Jeff would never, ever admit it to anyone, he has spent hours thinking about what it would be like to be married to you. To be married to you, live with you, be able to wake up to you every single day, for everyone around the two of you to fully know you belong to each other. The unfortunate downside to that fact is that Jeff doesn't think he deserves it. He doesn't believe he deserves to be so happily married to you with all of the horrible things he's done, with all the horrible trauma he regularly has to deal with and make you put up with (despite you routinely telling him it doesn't bother you at all and you love him all the same, flaws and all). He thinks you're just far too good for him, and so the bitter, depressed part of his brain constantly tells him that'll never happen.

So, needless to say, Jeff is about to get his shit rocked mentally. The two of you were out and about, and you'd bumped into an old friend (i.e., someone important in Jeff's eyes), and introduced them to Jeff. Jeff, in his attempt to seem like a decent person under the watchful eyes of someone you have known for such a long time, does pull himself off pretty well, at least until you accidentally slip up and refer to Jeff as your husband. He feels like you've just punched him straight in the gut. He can't breathe, his heart is hammering in his chest, and he feels like he's gonna vomit, but he carries on with a passive smile, hiding all of his inner turmoil, keeping it locked inside until the two of you can get away from all of the prying eyes in this public space. The entire way home he still feels like he's gonna be sick, trying everything he can just to keep it together. The second you're through your front door he's wheeling around and pinning you to it, arms beside your head as his chest heaves, eyes slicked with a mixture of tears, confusion, and desperation. You can't tell what's wrong with him, and he can't tell why he's reacting so strongly, his mind foggy amidst his air-deprived anxiety attack. The two of you stand there, your hands comfortingly cupping his face while you coach him to breathe, to calm down.

By the time he's caught his breath, he's leaning on you, his body weighing against you as you rest against the door behind you. His arms are tight around your waist as his face nuzzles against your neck, and you're overcome with intense worry, unaware of what got him like this in the first place. "Did you mean it...?" His voice eventually trails off, and the emotion in his voice is untraceable, his trauma brain overtaking as your words replay in his mind over and over again. Your brows knit together as you try to figure out just what it is he's referring to, and he answers the question for you, saying he meant when you referred to him as your husband. He looks absolutely broken in your arms, and a lightbulb goes off in your mind as you finally realize why. You've heard it, the things he says to Liu, or BEN, his words about how he doesn't deserve you, how you deserve to marry someone better than him, soon followed by their chastising words about how that's not true, and suddenly his worrisome behavior from the last few hours that you've picked up on (because you always notice these things) suddenly makes sense.

You reassure him that of course you meant it, why wouldn't you? Jeff feels like he's being chastised once more, his cheeks puffed out in a pout as he avoids looking at you as you lecture him about how you'd love to marry him one day, and how he absolutely deserves to have you, how you're not too good for him, a lecture you should have given him long ago. He ignores the tears streaming down his face once more, ignores the thudding of his own heart in his chest, ignores the dying voice of denial in the back of his mind, but what he can't ignore is your lips slotting so perfectly against his own, or your fingers stroking along his scars in the way that always makes him fall apart. He's still not completely sure he deserves you, but goddamnit, with the way you're looking at him right now, he's sure as hell not gonna let anyone else marry you and take you away from him. Not with how tenderly you're holding him, how gently you're pressing your lips across his scorched skin, not with how lovingly you're gazing at him, as if he's the most beloved person in your life, because of course he is to you, just as you are to him. 'Husband' ends up becoming one of your favorite nicknames for him following that day, a nickname that always has his skin flushing red and his eyes softening in a way they only do for you. A nickname for now, and a title not too far into the future that he wears with pride.

[p-taryn-dactyl]

l'amour de ma vie

a/n: hi! it's been awhile since i've written for agatha but I though this was a fun idea! kind of an AU? everyone is alive and well, i've taken over. i tried to capture the same feeling of the avenger compound 2012 fanfics bc they have a special place in my heart, but also theres slight 🌶️ in this one than any of the fics i read in 2012

word count: 2.6k

warning(s): science written by someone who barely scrapped by in any type of science class - agatha being agatha - exes to lovers - discussion of a bad breakup - suggestiveness - slight jealous!agatha - top!agatha - slight 'knee thing' - mention of insecurity - slight manipulative!agatha - i love agath's hands, this isn't a warning but a confession -

pairing: agatha harkness x fem!reader, r is tony's younger sister

prompt: you thought being the sister of iron man, helping your brother not accidentally kill himself in the lab, was the hardest part of your life. turns out, it's keeping your mind objective when your ex is brought in on a mission

The lab was quiet, save the sound of Dummy bumping into tables while trying to feed you a smoothie made from bananas and motor oil, as you wandered around, your mind going over calculations and equations. Tony had mentioned wanting to create a new suit based off of the absorbent energy of the Black Panther and you, being the good sister you are, decided to try and create a prototype as a surprise. Turns out, it was a lot more complicated than you originally anticipated. While Tony was off on a well-earned vacation with Pepper, you spent your nights on the phone with Shuri as she excitedly discussed how she originally made her brother's suit. You thought it was hard to follow Tony when he went on his ramblings about new scientific breakthroughs. Now, it wasn’t as if you weren’t smart, you had a very high IQ, but sometimes it seemed as if Tony and Shuri just understood everything. As you stared at the white board against the wall, smudged questions and equations blurring together, you heard knocking against the windows of the lab. Turning, you saw Natasha and Yelena waving at you, the blonde holding a box of your favorite donuts. Sighing, you signaled JARVIS to let them in, leaning one hip against a table, arms crossed. 

“What happened?” You immediately asked, taking in the slight guilty expressions the sisters wore, super spies your ass. Natasha and Yelena shared a look before the red-head shrugged, plopping down on Tony’s swivel chair. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

Yelena took a donut out of the box, sitting on the table you were leaning against, legs crossed as she handed the box out to you. Taking a donut, you raised an eyebrow, looking back and forth between your two friends. 

“Guys come on, these are bad news donuts. You only ever get these if it’s my birthday or something has happened? Did you set the laundry room on fire?” You asked Yelena pointedly, remembering the footage JARVIS had sent you two weeks earlier. She gasped, faux offense painting her face as Natasha snorted. 

“You can’t prove that was me,” yes you could, “and fine, yes, we do have news. News that Natasha is just so happy to tell you.” 

Natasha glared at her sister before she sighed, looking up at you. 

“Strange encountered something on one of his last missions, something that wasn’t sorcery but witchcraft.” 

You looked at Natasha, shrugging while slightly shaking your head.

“So? Did he call Wanda? Oh shit, is she hurt?” Worry for your friend clouded your mind before Natasha shook her head, looking away from you as she caught a donut Yelena chucked at her. 

“Wanda is powerful, yes, but she doesn’t have the knowledge required to fully take out this threat. He called in someone known for her magical expertise, after all she’s been around a while.” 

Your heart dropped to your stomach once you realized who Natasha was talking about. 

“No…” You whispered, now fully sitting on the table, eyes glued to the floor as Yelena continued where Natasha left off.

“Apparently, this threat is going to take awhile to understand and Strange has offered her a place at the compound until everything is over. He needs you or Tony to sign off on that and Tony is in Ibiza right now.” 

You just nodded wordlessly, not fully understanding what Yelena was saying. The blonde noticed this, placing a hand over yours. 

“She’s upstairs with him now.”

Your vision tunneled slightly, panic clawing at your throat. Taking a deep breath, you remembered what your job was. 

Protect the people. 

Even if that meant dealing with your ex-fiance, Agatha Harkness.

Your relationship with the infamous witch started out like every Hallmark movie Tony forces you to watch. It was a rainy morning when you ran inside a small cafe near the Avengers Tower, ran straight into Agatha herself. From there, everything was a blur. Now, you’ve pushed the memories away into a box in your mind, forbidden to open. But sometimes you find yourself thinking about the happiness that bloomed in your chest every time you were near Agatha, how your heart almost exploded when she proposed, how happy you were to finally use the wedding book you had made and continued to add to since you were six. Then you remember how Agatha, mere weeks after proposing, started growing distant. Any question about her wedding preferences were waved away with a perfectly manicured hand, claiming that she would be fine with whatever. Her response seemed romantic to you at first, thinking she would just be happy to marry you, no matter the color scheme or the flower arrangements. But then it quickly shifted to her not caring at all. Date nights got canceled, cake tasting was done solo, and you shrunk deeper and deeper into your insecurities. She was obsessed with her own power, constantly chasing leads of witches and wizards who could be easy targets. It all came to a head one night, silently. You remember sitting in the dim lighting of your shared apartment, an anniversary gift from Tony, fiddling with your ring. A glass of wine sat on the counter, untouched but tempting. Agatha had promised to come home at three in the afternoon so the two of you could design the wedding invitations, something you thought could bring her back to you. 

But she didn’t show. 

It was half past nine when you broke, tears pooling in your eyes, blurring your vision as they fell to the floor. You cried silently to yourself as you gathered up the markers and papers you had set out, ripping the designs you had happily scribbled down at sixteen. You left the pieces in the trash, glaring at them for a few moments before you wiped your eyes and took a deep breath. Then promptly burst into tears once more. You wish you had handled the situation with the grace and dignity of a Stark but no. You put all the wedding stuff in a bin, stuffing in it a closet, then you left your ring on the counter. You didn’t know when Agatha would be back, sometimes she was gone for days, but that gave you some sense of peace. If she showed up as you had finally decided to leave, you probably would have fallen for her spell once again. All your things in the apartment you just left, knowing that you hadn’t fully moved in and, not to sound too incredibly privileged, you could just replace everything you left behind. You still had that key to the apartment, probably rusting away in a drawer somewhere. Leaving should have felt like a weight being lifted but all you felt was pain. The week after you left was filled with silence, you spent it curled up in your room at the compound, being forced to watch movies sandwiched between Natasha and Yelena, Tony joining occasionally. Your brother showered you with gifts of candy and books, doing everything in his power to bring a smile back to your face. Eventually, it worked and now, a year later, you thought you had healed. 

You were wrong.

The elevator ride up to where Strange and Agatha waited felt like time was being stretched around you. Yelena stood protectively at your side, arms crossed as she glared at the elevator doors, Natasha had wrapped an arm around your waist as you had slightly stumbled from the shock. You felt both protected and exposed as the doors opened, Stephen smiling as he realized it was you, his expression growing concerned as he took in the positions of the two assassins flanking your sides. You didn’t blame him, he didn’t know, but some part of you was angry at the innocent gratefulness that was apparent in his eyes. You felt her eyes before you saw her, they pierced into you before moving down to where Natasha’s arm wrapped around your waist. Swallowing, you nodded at Nat, silently letting her know you were okay. The two sisters moved to sit on the couch across from where Agatha now stood, her eyes never leaving you despite the looks she was receiving. Clapping your hands together, you refused to look at her, instead smiling at Strange as you painted on the familiar Stark charm. 

“I heard you needed my signature?” It was more of a statement than a question as you held out your hand for the tablet Strange held. He nodded, relief painting his face as you signed the permission form, allowing JARVIS to assign your ex a room. 

“Normally we would stay in Kamar Taj but whatever it is we’re facing seems to target places of high magical energy.” 

Yelena scoffed, her eyes still boring into Agatha.

“That sounds familiar.” 

Agatha finally looked away from you, her expression almost confused until her face went blank as she raised an eyebrow and rolled her eyes. Stephen rocked back and forth on his heels for a second once you had finished signing all the forms, obviously thrown off by the awkward atmosphere. He suddenly snapped his fingers as if he had remembered something, giving you an apologetic glance before explaining he had a meeting with Wong starting in a few minutes. Your eyes widened as he turned to Agatha, formally introducing you and explaining you would show her to her new room. At this, Natasha and Yelena shot up, both offering to instead be the guide. Strange looked both confused and scared, opting to just nod as he walked backwards into the portal he had summoned, quickly disappearing. 

“Guys, it’s fine. I’ll show Ms. Harkness to her room.” 

Your friends looked apprehensive, like they would rather swallow a wasps nest than let you be alone with the witch but thankfully they stood down. You closed your eyes as you turned around, heading back towards the elevator, beckoning for Agatha to follow you. 

Time to face the music.

Once the doors to the elevators shut, you focused all your attention onto the screen in your hands, hoping to ignore the way Agatha was staring at you. You heard her sigh before the elevator stopped suddenly. Thinking you were at the right floor, you took a step forward only to be face to face with very closed doors. Confused, you turned to finally face Agatha, finding her eyes slightly glowing purple, same as the emergency stop button. You opened your mouth to ask what was going on when suddenly you were pushed up against the wall, purple magic pinning you down as Agatha stood inches away from you, arms trapping you and one leg in between yours. Her eyes flickered down to your lips for a moment before they snapped up to yours, 

“Is this where you’ve been?” You heard a slight tremor in her voice, breaking her illusion of strength. You didn’t respond, your words stuck in your throat as your body reacted to being close to Agatha once more. She didn’t seem to care about your silence, continuing to speak. 

“You look very comfortable here, especially with that assassin.” She spoke with a sneer, her hands moving to now cradle your waist, her grip tight as her thumbs slipped under your shirt. You blinked, absorbing her words before you unwillingly let out a small laugh. She tightened her grip, her hips now practically flush with yours. 

“Natasha is just a friend, I’m not-” You cleared your throat, stopping yourself from justifying your personal life with the person who had torn apart your heart. Agatha leaned in close, her nose brushing against your jaw as she kissed your neck softly, causing you to gasp. 

“Not what?” She prodded, her breath hot against your skin as her tongue traced up your neck before she lightly bit your ear. 

“Agatha…” you sighed, your hands now resting on her shoulders, as if you were debating whether or not to push her away or pull her closer. Her teeth bit hard into your neck before she kissed over the spot, her knee now pressing up against your core. 

“Answer me, Y/N.” 

This was exactly why you didn’t wait for her to come back to the apartment that night, you crumbled too quickly under her hands. 

“I’m not with anyone, especially not Natasha, she’s like a sister to me.” 

Agatha nodded slightly before she leaned her forehead against yours, one of her hands fiddling with the elastic of your sweatpants. 

“Have you been with anyone since you left me?”

Her words were accusing yet tinged with slight fear, worried about your answer. You hesitated before you shook your head, embarrassed at how pathetic you had been after you ended the relationship. Sure, people offered and you tried a few times but always chickened out before anything could ever happen. 

No one was like Agatha. 

Your ex smiled, lightly bumping her nose against yours. You felt your own lips quirk slightly before you realized the position you were in. She was here for a mission, not to fuck you against the walls of an elevator. 

“Agatha-”

Before you could finish speaking, Agatha's lips crashed against yours, immediately establishing her dominance. The kiss was deep, her tongue battling yours before she pulled away, her teeth pulling at your bottom lip. Her hands left your waits, instead now cradling your face. She smirked at your expression, your eyes glassy and your mouth hanging slightly open. Her thumb rubbed your cheek as her other hand brushed a hair out of your eyes. You allowed yourself to bask in the peace of the moment, reminiscing about the time when Agatha sent butterflies ablaze in your stomach. It was quickly ruined, however, by Agatha’s next question which hit you like a bucket of ice water. 

“Why’d you leave me? No note, no explanations, just your ring on the counter and cancellations of our wedding vendors. I thought you loved me, Y/N.” Her last words were almost a whisper, like she hadn’t fully meant to say them outloud. You felt the sharp pin pricks of tears, hurriedly blinking them away, averting your eyes from Agatha. You shook your head, a dry, humorless laugh escaping from your lips. 

“Agatha, what’s done is done, we don’t need to-”

Her hand grasped your chin, forcing you to look at her, to take in the icy fury that was ablaze in her eyes. 

“No.” Her voice was firm, commanding, as you both examined each other’s expressions. “No, I need to know what I did.” 

You didn’t know why, but those words opened the floodgates, both of your tears and your words.  

“It’s what you didn’t do Agatha! You were never there, you didn’t give one shit about our wedding, about planning our life together. Power is your true love, Agatha, and I’ll be damned if I’m just a rebound,” You took a shaky breath, blinking away the tears that were blurring your vision and falling down your face, “You were bored of me, Agatha, I understand that now but by god, you could of just told me instead of stringing me along and single handedly crushing my dreams!”

Agatha looked shocked, the anger disappearing from her eyes, now replaced with something akin to despair. 

“Is that really what you thought? Still think?” 

You bit your lip as you nodded, heart about to explode in your chest at how intense this day had become. Agatha shook her head, leaning so her head now rested on your shoulder, arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you into a tight hug. It was silent for a moment before you felt the atmosphere shift, Agatha’s hands making their way into your pants, her experienced fingers rubbing your clothed clit as she whispered into your ear. 

“I guess I have to prove you wrong.”

a/n: plz don't hate me i wrote this in two hours and i have to get up early tomorrow or else this fic would be wayyy longer and would probably banish me to self isolation bc i think im ovulating. is that tmi? who cares. ik this wasn't the best but thank you for reading! im sleep deprived

[purerae]

— DUPLEXITY;;

fem!reader x coworker!yanderes

— who knew attempting to bond with your co workers would lead to a fucked up love triangle?

prologue; quit your job! If dying was an option right now, Y/N would take it with a gleeful smile.

Sprinting through the woods, her ears ringing, she slams her grimy, broken hand against her head over and over. Her knees, bruised to a swollen pulp of purple, threaten to buckle beneath her. A deep, unprotected gash dressed painfully across her back, its edges rotting, every movement tearing at the poorly dressed wound.

Ignoring the piercing whine in her ears, her heart froze at the sound of shuffling drawing closer. Her legs wobbled, threatening to give out, but the surge of adrenaline coursing through her veins kept her moving forward. An ear striking screech bursts from the girl’s throat, desperate to catch the attention of any passing drivers or hikers.

How could she be so foolish? It’s four in the morning, and she’s in the middle of nowhere, with two freaks relentlessly chasing her.

Her scream was a terrible mistake. It brought her no closer to freedom instead only closer to her pursuers. Their shouts echo behind her, filled with words she can’t—and doesn’t want to comprehend.

Pleas, threats, and bursts of anger escape from their mouths but the only thing that Y/N had her mind on was getting her brother and leaving this shithole. Y/N ran and ran, but to her dismay and an almost comical cruel sense of bad luck , Her vision was slammed with a wall ruined with graffiti that was now taunting her from her inescapable future. Her breathing slows as she stumbled back, desperately praying for anything that could save her. Surely they weren't close, she put in all this effort, they cannot be close! With trembling caution, she moved backward, her steps deliberate and silent. She avoided every brittle branch and insect littering the forest floor, straining to make as little noise as possible. Her back pressed into something soft yet unyielding, carrying the earthy scent of firewood mixed with the sharp tang of blood that she’ll always loathe.  Y/N’s breath hitched, frozen in her chest as the sound of heavy breathing enveloped her ears from just behind.

‘Fuck.'

“You can’t run from us. It’s two against one, cutie.”

Even with her back turned, she could picture his smug, shit-eating smirk. A chill ran down her spine as his arms snaked around her waist, pulling her closer, trapping her. God, she wished she had a bat so she could beat him till he was a lifeless piece of flesh that she could point and laugh at. Too bad that would never be possible, even if she had a weapon to begin with. Deep down, Y/N knew there was no escaping this. But with every ounce of strength her battered body could summon, she let out the loudest scream she could muster; a semblance of hope in her body that somebody could save her. It tore through the cold night air before everything turned black. The last thing she heard was another man's footsteps approaching them, and two voices she made an oath to never hear, conversing. All she wanted was a fucking pay raise.

-

-

- Y/N buttoned her blouse with a giddy smile, rushing around her room in search of the shoes she’d bought just for this day. "I can't believe I got the job! I'm so excited, this still feels so surreal."  she exclaimed, her voice bubbling with enthusiasm as she grabbed her phone, waiting for her friend’s response. "Girl, I'm happy for you!” her friend shouted over the line, her voice barely cutting through the loud music and chatter in the background. “Just work hard, and you’ll be promoted to detective in no time! My little Sherlock Holmes~” Y/N scoffs out a laugh before she shakes her head at the chaos on the other end. Normally, she’d lecture her friend about hosting a party at seven in the morning, but today, she was too nervous and way too excited about her first day to care. "Ahaha, Yeah  I don't know about that... I'm still in shock that I got the job to be the assistant, let alone be the main thing. I just hope the person in charge of me is nice." The E/C-eyed girl replied looking at the ceiling , nervously biting her nails whilst walking back and forth in her room.

"Don't stress about it! I'm sure they'll be nice, babes. And you should ju-" Y/N’s friend was abruptly cut off by a guy shouting in the background, his voice carrying over the music: “Ayra! Get back to the party already!” "Hold on a sec Noel! Im talking to Y/N" she yells back with an obvious scowl on her face… Well, Y/N was almost positive that she displayed one based on the tone of her voice. "It's fine! You go do your shit, I gotta’ finish getting ready." "Okay Okay, message me after your shift ends. I wanna know everything~!" The bubbly girl says as she mimics a kiss sound. Despite Ayra not being able to see Y/N, she smiles with a soft gaze at the phone before hanging up. Staring into the mirror, she carefully assessed her outfit. A sleek black blouse layered over a white undershirt paired perfectly with a matching black pencil skirt. Light makeup enhanced her features, and her neatly styled hair framed her face just right. She smoothed her clothes with her hands, beaming widely as she twirled in front of the mirror. Y/N gathered all her essentials, carefully packing them into her bag before stepping out of her apartment. She locked the door with a quick twist of the key, then paused to double-check it twice…just to be sure; it was a habit she had done ever since she lived in her parents home. 

Stepping into the elevator, she pressed the button for the ground floor. Knowing the ride would take a while, she lived on the second-highest floor, after all, she pulled out her phone to check the time. It was 7:15 a.m. Perfect. With the bus journey to the department taking only 30 minutes, she was right on schedule (which was always a struggle for her.) A grin spread across her face as she opened her email app and tapped on the message from the 'Warrens Department.' Her heart fluttered nervously as she re-read the letter, scanning each line to ensure she hadn’t missed anything important. As she scrolled to the bottom, her brows furrowed. There, tucked away, was a link she hadn’t noticed before.

'Shit I must've missed this' She thought with worry before quickly clicking the link, silently thanking her instincts for prompting her to double-check the message. The link was a profile of the detective that she would be working with. Looking at the picture, she notices that he was a very conventionally attractive male. The formally dressed girl squints her eyes before assessing the man that her eyes laid upon.

Xavier Allette, it read. Twenty-five years old, with five years of experience as a detective.

‘Holy shit, he became a detective at 20? I was still in university then.’ Y/N’s thoughts wandered briefly as she reminisced about her own journey, a flicker of envy stirring as she compared herself to her boss.

Letting out a breath of relief that she didn't know she had; The assistant was expecting an old cruel man as her boss, but to her luck, it was someone of a similar age to her. And, as a bonus, he wasn’t bad to look at either.

Y/N knew better than to judge someone based on their appearance, but as her cheeks warmed, she couldn’t help but blush at the handsome face staring back at her from the screen. A straight pale face, with a clean-shaven look. His hair was a wavy deep black, tussled formally. Eyes sharp and matched with his extremely dark hair. Y/N couldn’t help but notice the absence of a glint or any sign of life in his pupils. ‘I’m overthinking it,’ she told herself. ‘He’s just posing for the picture’. It had to be her psychology degree kicking in, making her analyze every feature of his face like a subject in a case study. Xavier’s nose was strikingly defined, and his lips were full, holding a slightly warm tint that gave his serious expression a subtle softness. Though he was wearing a suit, anyone could tell the detective worked out as his jaw was sharp and his shoulders were broad. It was clear that he took good care of himself.

The only other information displayed on his profile was a list of the cases he had worked on and details about his educational background. 'Maketa Academy?!' That was the most prestigious high school that Y/N had ever heard of. You could either get in with a scholarship or a lot of money. Unfortunately for her, she had been neither crazy smart nor crazy rich, so attending a place like that had never been an option. Y/N couldn’t tell whether Xavier had gotten in through wealth or intellect, but either way, it was impressive. Her train of thought abruptly halted as the elevator chimed, signaling her arrival on the first floor.

Turning off her phone, She exits the building before walking a short distance to the bus so she could arrive at the destination where she was going to be working.

'Please be nice to me, Warrens Department.'

-

-

-

Y/N rushed out of the bus, the clock read 8:00 am. The bus kept on delaying because of the traffic that the driver faced. The 15 minutes that she was hoping she had left to spare, disappeared all because of not getting a driver's licence! Cursing at herself, she ran to the building that was two minutes away. She could get there in ten seconds, her stubbornness is saving her life today.

The girl stared in awe at the building for a second. It was massive and incredibly modern. A large sign labelled Warrens Department was placed right in the middle of the building. Shaking her head, she scans the key card that came into the mail a week ago and fixes any loose hairs before walking into the building.

8:01 am, Already a minute late, though not much of a difference, she didn't want to disappoint her boss on the first day. Power walking to the reception she sighs shyly before speaking up. "Hi!" Her voice cracks.

'Oh my god, first I'm late, now my voice cracks, I should just quit my job and leave this e-' "Hello! Who’re  you? I've never seen you before?" The ginger girl behind the desk questioned loudly. Her light southern accent peeked through. The red-haired was incredibly short, her face caked with pink-themed makeup matching her formal pink outfit. Y/N thought the receptionist was cute and seemed nice too! If she wasn't too busy stressing about being late, she'd love to be her friend. "I'm the detective's new assistant— Xaviers Allette's assistant." Y/N rambles, hands shaking with nerves.

"Y/N L/N?" The receptionist questioned with eyebrows raised, Y/N nods quickly and shows her key card to the lady. "I'm Abigail!" her smile drops, "Also, you should probably head over to his office quickly, Mr Allette hates tardiness.. a lot." It was now Y/N's turn for her face to drop, she mumbles a quick thank you before running off.She stops in her tracks as she realised her stupid mistake. "Hey Abigail, what's his room number?" Y/N spoke rushing back to the desk. Reaching halfway, the red-haired girl puts her hand out, ordering her to stop running back. "It's on the second floor, room 11, hurry!" She yells, shaking her hand. The late assistant puts a thumbs up as a way of saying thank you before completely ignoring the elevator and rushing up the stairs. Turning left she finds the room that is the lead detective. On the door, a silver plate is shown with  'Room 11' and 'Xavier Allette' engraved onto them in a fancy font.. It was clear that his room was the biggest on the floor.

Wiping the sweat off her hands and re-checking herself on the reflection of the plate, she checks the time. 

8:05 am.

Y/N knocks on her boss's door. The door opens automatically, she notices the man that was just on her screen almost an hour ago, sitting down with his eyes furrowed and lips pulled into a frown.  His eyes were fixated on his computer screen, fist propped against his chin. The assistant looks around while patiently waiting for him to say something.

20 seconds passed and all that she could hear were the sounds of him typing. the h/c hair-coloured girl clears her throat.

"Good morning, sir. My name is Y/N L/N, and Im p-"

"You're late." A deep, harsh voice cuts her off. 

A/N : New story :p !! i really like the plot for this one and will have a masterlist out for it soon!

[niightniines]

1. Love

2. rem 💕

3. 10 seconds flat

4. Misa Amane would do wonders in NANA

5. "actually I'm depressed"

6. op1

7. the second kira (I'm biased)

8. Naomi Misora's death had the perfect atmosphere and setup. wish she was around longer :(

9. Nine While Nine (sisters of mercy) fits Misa lyrically, but her vibe is more like Sweetest Chill (siouxie and the banshees)

10. I think all of them would find me insufferable

11. soichiro's death felt so anticlimactic paired with lights exaggerated acting and inner monologues I just couldn't take it seriously knowing the person he cared about most in that moment couldn't give less of a shit about the man if he didn't know mello's name

12. the nezz edit

https://www.tumblr.com/nezz-cringe-crib/747440840126889984/the-distance-death-note-edit?source=share

13. Lawlight and Remisa

14. my friends call me the Lawmane lovechild

15. Misa I'm a diehard kin

16. (from the musical) "if this body is to turn to sand and vanish, who cares about that? everything that I can possibly do, I'll give her." -Rem

17. how the fuck did L and Light go about their daily lives in the yotsuba arc? I wish we got a filler episode of their chained together misadventures.

18. id still opt for classic black but I will put my own sparkly stickers on it

19. my leather trench coat and whatever black frills I decide to put on underneath that

20. sour cream and cheddar

21. my Remisa Frankenstein au! I remember watching that movie for the first time and thinking "this is literally just remisa if it was hetero and in 80s suburbia"

22. despite what ohba says L did truly think of light as a friend. at least subconsciously.

23. "just because your genius deduction was wrong" he sounds so pressed and petty lmao

24. Misa obvs

25. when I started listening to the musical on loop

26. when Misa gives up her ownership of the deathnote for the second time. the shit of her in the apartment staring into space with dead eyes as the canary screeches inside its cage and light narrates that she's "just a normal woman"

27. ☝️🤓📓✍️💀☝️🤓🦅🦅🦅🎀💕🎾🌈📓✍️💀🔥🔥🔥🔔🔔🔔☝️💀☝️🧒☝️🧒☝️🧒💀💀☝️🧒🔥📓💀

28. the one where rem is flying around with Misa in her arms like her own personal chauffer

29. death note the musical

30. REM 🦅🦅🦅🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Favorite chapter/episode?

If you had a Death Note, what would you want your Shinigami to look like?

How long do you think you could get away with hiding a Death Note?

If your favorite character weren’t in Death Note, what anime/manga do you think they would thrive in?

A scene that makes you laugh.

Which is your favorite opening?

Your favorite kira?

The death that affected you the most.

What song(s) fit the vibe of your favorite character?

A character you would hang out with irl.

What moment surprised you the most?

What is a fanwork (edit, fic, art, etc.) that you still think about to this day? (Pls link to the original!)

Favorite ships?

What character do you think you look the most like?

Which character’s personality do you relate to?

A line from the series that stuck with you.

A question that was never answered, but you wonder about all the time.

If Death Notes came in different colors, what color would yours to be?

What would be your staple kira catching outfit?

Favorite potato chip flavor?

A Death Note fanwork that you’ve made and are proud of.

A favorite Death Note theory.

Your favorite interaction.

Who do you think had the best style?

At what point did you fall in love with Death Note?

Saddest moment for your favorite character.

Lay out the plot of Death Note using only emojis.

Favorite official art.

Favorite Death Note Spin off media.

A character that needs to be mentioned more.  

[directdogman]

Dialtown is the most USA-core game I've ever played. It's so fucking American that it's scary, and I've lived there my entire life! Like, this feels fundamentally tied with the game's themes and narrative, that's how extreme it is. And it's not even alienating OR nationalist?? It makes such genuine commentary? And then there's so much other shit to think about too; Dialtown has a very real identity outside this that anyone could love?

One: I am VERY impressed that you have done the USA and its people this well. I am actually astounded, bewildered, and chuffed. I've never felt so seen by a video game, culturally-speaking. I didn't even know there was a culture to see.

Two: WHY did you do that. Dialtown is like USA Culture Absurdified: The Visual Novel. What drove you to make a game this rich with American culture and ideas???

Hello!

It would've been odd for an outsider (non American) who enjoys reading up on history to make my setting nationalist or alienating. America is a country with a lot of serious issues. You can't really study how America is (and has been) internally run without facing glaring and obvious systematic issues. DT's setting is one of scarcity and most of the main characters you follow in DT are kinda just scraping by without much hope for true mobility/advancement. A lot of Americans (especially younger generations) would agree this sorta encapsulates the national mood of the country right now.

Of course, the systems that run a country don't define its citizens - many of the finest people I've ever known are American and are victims of the whims of those with power, not willing participants in this system. I could be wrong, but that's why I think the setting connected with a lot of people. We all know Randys, Olivers + Karens, people who've fallen through the cracks in some way. To them, America's spirit of self-determination isn't about individual identity - it's more "you're on your own."

Why I chose to set DT in America would be a novel length answer in of itself, but it mainly came down to history + narrative opportunity. I wanted to set the game in the epicenter of where the phone-revolution came from and Crown likely couldn't have pulled his plan off anywhere else and probably not during any other time. It had to be 1960's America.

Of course, some parts of DT are sorta universal and were inspired by the the Great Recession and what followed. I remember there was an area not that far from my house that was full of green fields when I was born and when I was a kid (and when real estate boomed), stuff started being built there. Parts of it looked really nice, not quite like anything nearby. Like the future was coming. Then the economy crashed and stuff was left sitting there, half-built for like a decade. Skeletal, unfinished buildings. DT is much the same.

There's a feeling that the city could've been something better and while things could be more equal, it does feel like there are no easy solutions to fix everything - unless someone very smart and determined somehow bypassed every safeguard that was set up to halt radical change and enacted a genius plan to somehow eliminate scarcity. It happened once and might never again.

I don't think most people understand the intricacies of stuff like global commerce all that well (myself included), but when you're sitting looking at a half built neighbourhood mere hours after speaking to a friend who just kicked out of rented accommodation and doesn't have a stable family unit to fall back on, you'd have to be a real dolt not to understand that things aren't great right now. Most people are scraping by and feel if they could just get affordable housing locked down, if they had maybe one good opportunity - maybe there's hope that things could change for the better.

The end of DT isn't really utopian, things don't massively change for the better and indeed, the town has a lot of rebuilding to do. But, a collection of lonely people are now looking out for each other and through the relationships they have, now feel like they have a place in this world. That no matter how bad things really get - they aren't truly by themselves anymore. Most individuals don't have the means to significantly advance change on their own - but you can live your life, love those around you and support others and plan for when the opportunity to affect change comes about.

I guess that's what life is, in America or anywhere else. Sorry I rambled for so long. Hope this answered the question!

[admirationandromantics]

Chris's Little Sister

Can you write something about Josh dating Chris’s younger sister? -anon 

Of course I can!! I think one of the best ways to incorporate the reader into the group would actually be through a sibling relationship. And like… brother’s best friend? Now that’s something I live for. I did take some inspiration from Friends, just felt like it fit. Anyways, enjoy some headcanons for this one (already written one story today, and prepping for Christmas, so don’t have that much time).

And yeah, I still got a couple of requests in my inbox, but please bear with me. I do have things to do, but will get to them when I have the time. Enjoy <3

Chris and Josh met in third grade, so no wonder that when Chris brought home this beautiful little guy, you had heart eyes. You didn’t dare to talk to him, even when he initiated the conversation. You hid behind Chris or your mom, just observing them as they played. 

As you grew older, you developed more of a friendly relationship, this was your brother’s best friend after all, you weren’t gonna fuck it up. Chris brought you when you went to the Washingtons, and you mainly spent your time with the twins. 

Of course, Josh had a soft spot for you. He liked you, felt that he had to protect you, that sort of thing. You didn’t know if it was because you were Chris’s sister or because there was something else beneath. Soon, after a little too much time without Chris, you guys figured things out. 

Stolen glances became signals for a retreat to a secluded make out spot. Secret visits, making sure not to wake his sisters as well. Small touches that no one noticed. Everything felt like fireful passion, and keeping it secret made it even more thrilling. 

Josh has also made a few suggestive comments to his friend, trying to warm him up to the idea. “No, I’m not home that day” “Is your sister home?” “Why does that matter?” “I can think of a few ways we could entertain ourselves” “You’re not going near my sister, I’ll beat your head off, no joke” “Yeah, yeah… I know” 

When the annual winter getaway came, you found yourself with a lot more space and options. You and Josh talked, always away from Chris. I mean, he would actually kill him if he did something. You spent this time being flirty, a few comments here and there, which surprised the bachelor. 

That’s when it suddenly happened. You found yourself pressed up against the wall, locking lips with Josh Washington, your brother’s best friend. But you were caught. Hannah stood like a ghost in the doorway, eyes wide and mouth agape. You both knew you had fucked up. 

“Hannah!” “Don’t fucking talk to me” “Hannah, please!” “Has this been the drive all along? Being my friend, being with me just to hook up with my brother?” 

“You hooked up with Josh?” The colour drains from your face as you hear his voice. Chris, standing there, defeated, looking down on you. Everything is fucked up, everything is bad. “Chris, please hear me out…” 

He doesn’t. He marches to Josh’s room, confronting his friend. “What the hell, Josh!” 

You run inside, putting yourself in between them. “What’s going on?” Josh whispers to you, confused by the raging blonde. “He knows” “Shit”

“How long has this been going on?” You’re both silent, wondering what the right answer to the question might be. A while, a long time. Maybe he’d go easier on you if you said it was just one time? “Oh my god, and you never told me?” He’s looking down at you, disappointment and full of sorrow. 

“Listen Chris…” “Is he forcing you to do anything?” “No!” “Has he manipulated you in any way?” “Absolutely not!” 

He’s still defeated, trying to come to terms with it all. “You have many girls head over heels for you. Why, why. Why did it have to be her?” 

You wouldn’t admit it, but you were kind of curious as well. Why you, of all people. 

“Man, I-I can’t describe it. It just happened. And I’m glad it did. I love her, and we work, we’re good together” 

You both turn your attention to Chris again, and you take hold of his hand, rubbing over the knuckles softly. “I’m sorry Chris, but I feel the same about him” 

“For goodness sake, it’ll take time for me to digest this” “Of course, we understand” “And you feel safe?” “I do” “And he hasn’t hurt you in any way?” “No” 

“That’s a lie” Beth says, standing in the doorway. “What?” “The sounds I’ve heard from his room the last few weeks…” 

The relief turns to fear again as your brother rush to tackle your boyfriend.

[qu0rky]

As much as i can understand where Via is coming from, and her feelings are valid, she doesn’t see her dad as a living person outside of just being her father. And that isn’t right. It’s especially not right seeing just how many people feel absolutely no empathy for him.

“She was just a child having to endure all that!!” Okay, and how old was Stolas when he had to marry an abusive girl and have a kid of his own, exactly? At least he gave Via a chance to have a good childhood, he didn’t have one. He didn’t have anything except for his duties to carry out.

And while it’s heartbreaking that Via sees herself as an obligation, that’s literally what she was supposed to be. Though that doesn’t mean that was how he saw her. She was what saved him, what made him endure all the abuse, what kept him going.

But sometimes that’s not enough, he had NO ONE to confide in and couldn’t put his frustrations on his own kid (because he’s a good father, despite what some of you would like to believe, clearly you didn’t grow up with a parent trying to guilt you by traumadumping when you can barely understand it), so he also NEEDED the pills.

The thing is, i also had that mentality towards my mom for dealing with depression UNTIL i started experiencing it myself. Because it’s so hard to realize that your parents are also human beings, since they’re supposed to protect you, they’re supposed to have everything figured out, to be the shoulder you cry on.

But if i see another dumbass claim that he CHOSE to leave and made the wrong decision in Mastermind, i need you out of this fandom. The whole point of that was that he had no choice, was he supposed to throw away the man he fell in love with, his first friend, his first time that wasn’t for procreation, and the one who liberated him? Stolas is allowed to care for more than one person, and he deserves to be loved romantically by someone.

You’re being too harsh on Stolas because for whatever reason you hate an abuse victim finally having a say in how to live for once in their lives, adding on top of that the weird, underlying homophobia in some of your criticisms for him.

Also i have a bad taste in my mouth from Via only seemingly hating Stolas, despite having SEEN how shitty Stella is. Sure, she doesn’t know the full extent of the abuse, but she’s heard the yelling, she’s seen the throwing, the ridiculing, the insensitivity. And most likely that woman neglected Via as much as possible, because she also didn’t choose to have her, but unlike Stolas she didn’t give a fuck to take responsibility regardless. (Reminding you of the “You get up” comment from Loo Loo Land). This was all happening before the cheating, so that’s not an excuse for her behavior (not that the cheating was, but at least Via would have been able to reason with her reaction to it).

It’s a complicated situation and it’s so shitty to put all the blame on Stolas, he tried so much for his family, but it was never going to be enough, because he’s gay. I’m glad he got out of that marriage.

Honestly, had i been given all those responsibilities at his age in a loveless marriage, i would’ve gone insane. I wouldn’t have been kind to my child, the cause of my shit life. But he never saw her as a weight on his shoulders, he has so much love for Via.

[libbytwq]

merry christmas!!! (2024)

So, it's Christmas. Normally I never make this type of Christmas special, normally because every year I usually have no one in specific online to be grateful for, aside from my followers. But these past 5 months, my life has truly changed, and i finally have people I want to wish a genuine Merry Christmas to. So here is a gift for those wonderful people.

And thats not all, I'm not just gonna make a cute lil gift and not explain why I love these people!

APPRECIATION GO! 💥

SMG8 // @strange0-0storm -- STORM!! I know we rarely interact, but everytime we do, it's an absolute treat. I love seeing your art, the stuff you make is so awesome and fun to look at, and talking about goofy shit is so much fun. I look up to you a lot and I want to interact with you a lot more. SMG8 was one of the first ever SMG4 OCs I've ever gotten myself familiar with, he's such a silly man and I want to punt him, I love your stuff sm, stay cool 💥

Mango // @its-a-me-mango -- MANGO!! I've always been a massive fan of your art since I was first getting myself familiar with the SMG4 Tumblr community, because of your artstyle and the goofy jokes and silly stuff, but since joining the TSB discord server and interacting with you, I think you are even cooler. Our interactions are so incredibly goofy and I love every single time you appear on VCs. Our sense of humor almost feels like it clicks and everytime we make jokes I be cackling, to the point I sometimes get distracted from what I'm working on... but hey its okay because we're all silly here :3 i love your stuff sm man and i think ur an absolute vibe keep doing that forever and ever

N4 // @bluesbox -- BLUE!! It is so much fun interacting with you about theories and stuff!! And hearing you yap abt N4 lore is so fun and cool.... im INVESTED....... Yappin with you about goofy lil theory stuff is an absolute treat and i love interacting with you sm guh h,, we are the SCHEMERS......

TSB // @tiredsmashbros -- TOMM!! you...... YOU..... I WOULDNT BE FRIENDS WITH ANY OF THESE PEOPLE IF YOU DIDNT EXIST.... i look up to you like crazy and the fact that i can call you a friend is still batshit insane to me....interacting with you and joining your server has in fact changed my life for the better and i am not the same person i was before your 1k birthday party.... you are a huge inspiration to me and your lore is impeccable bUT DUDE I WANT ANSWERS, the TSB lore has me invested and i wanna know whats goin on im gonna..... GSHDJFNF IM GONNA GETTT Y /silly /pos dude your are so crazy awesome i love vibin with you n being silly all the time. qwah puh 💥

Neo // @neo91502 -- NEO!! You were one of the first people i bonded with in the server, and for that i think you are incredibly awesome, i love your art and everything you draw they always look so super cool and awesome and wa h,, i love your stuff sm but man you gotta handle your addiction to tsmg4 and long haired smg4 its gonna be a problem if you cant get it under control /silly YOU ARE SO AWESOME AND FUN I LOVE YAPPING WITH YOU RAAAGH

Hexsy // @nxva-blogz -- NXVA!! sigh..... i GUESS i have to include you.... for the sake of the hexore...... /j /silly you are so crazy and interacting with you is sm fun ill be completely honest. The hexsy lore is so so neat and i love your art sm guh,, I love vibing with you and being silly you are such a goofy ahh individual and you bring a lot of joy hehehehe explodes y

And now, there were a few other people I really wanted to fit on the couch, but couldn't because I burnt tf out. So heres me showing appreciation to those people too!

@knightedmares -- MY TWIN!! KNIGHTMARE KNIGHTMARE KNIGHTMARE!! We have so much in common and we just be vibin everytime you show up. I love your oc Trick sm and i love vibing with you guh

@rmgkyle -- KYLE!!! you feed me everyday and i appreciate it very very much. You are so incredibly goofy and i love RMG from the bottom of my heart and you are so insane but i love that WEE

@mikchi8 -- mikchi you are a menace to the server and i am very scared of you,, but thats ok cuz you are very silly and i love vibin with you /pos

@kittykibbl -- Kitty i LOVE your various AUs a ton and you were one of the first people i interacted with online, from one of the first WOTWs, and i still love your stuff a ton and interacting with you is a lot of fun yippe

Merry Christmas everybody!!

- Lore, libbytwq

[howlingday]

I freaking love alabastards so much! Its like vol 1 Weiss and Jaune who got tired of taking shit for being too nice!

I so need more!

Would it be too much to ask for Alabastards on winter break or something?

"Hello, Arc."

"Weiss."

"How is your winter break?"

"Good. Yours?"

"My winter break is also going well." Weiss turned away. "Not that you'd know anything about proper grammar anyways."

"Oh, really? Is that because I'm too poor to talk good, or is it because you're so bad at being a good person you have to make up for it?"

"Bite me, Arc."

"Make me, Schnee."

The two sneered at each other until they noticed they were getting looks from their teams. Reeling back, the two parted. How and why the two were always found at odds, no one was truly certain. Maybe one had said something to offend the other, or perhaps there was a meeting they had before Beacon that soured their relationship long before it could begin? It was difficult to say.

Regardless, today was Non-Descript Winter Holiday and the two had promised to bury the hatchet, if only for the day. Weiss had bought gifts for each of her friends on Team JNPR, and Jaune, while Jaune used his skills to craft personal gifts for his friends on Team RWBY, and Weiss. As the two sat down with their friends, gifts were exchanged between each of them.

Weiss gifted Pyrrha jacket with a liner, both skillfully embroidered with her name. Nora got a quirky device that allowed her poor syrup through a glass tube onto her pancakes, like some kind of breakfast alchemist. Ren received a new apron to wear should his other need to be washed, this one featuring the words "I'm Not On The Menu". Jaune didn't open his gift.

"And why not?"

"Because I don't want to."

"Excuse me?"

"Knowing you, you probably put a cheap gag gift in here to spite me."

"Do you really think so low of me?"

"Do you?"

"...Fine. Then I refuse to open mine."

"Fine by me."

The rest of the party sighed, choosing to move on to other gifts. Jaune's gifts were hand-crafted with love... or friendship, if love was too much of a stretch. Yang got a bag for her boxing gloves that had "Chorld Wamp" stitched into them, making her giggle. Blake was given a couple sheets of paper with personal poems written front and back, some in haiku. Ruby got a coffee mug cozy, yarned and darned with black and red. Weiss, much like Jaune, refused to open hers.

"I don't care."

"Neither do I."

"I'll just open mine later."

"Or never." She scowled at her gift in disgust. "Knowing you, you probably put something disgusting in here, like a photo of yourself."

"Ha ha." Jaune groaned, standing up. "I'm going to call it a night."

"Oh, did I hurt your feelings by not opening your shitty gift?"

"No, I'm just tired. Not everything is about you, Weiss." Before Weiss could retort, Jaune had already left out of the room, gift in hand.

"Weiss, that was really mean." Ruby whined.

"Very mean." Pyrrha added. "You were both supposed to not be hostile this evening."

"Why am I the bad guy?" Weiss gestured to where her foe made his exit. "He was ruder than I ever was!"

"You were both rude." Yang answered, pointing a finger at the heiress. "You both promised to play nice during winter break, and you both broke that promise on the most important day of the entire break. You ruined it for everyone."

"I did not ruin Non-Decript Winter Holiday." Weiss rolled her eyes. "He ruined it."

"I'm gonna hit her." Nora said.

"Please don't." Ren replied.

"The least you could do is open his gift." Blake offered.

"It it'll make you guys feel better, then fine!" Weiss opened her present. "But do you really think anything he got me will make me say... Oh my god..."

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune held his present in his hand, fully unwrapped and, begrudgingly, impressed. Inside the box was a camera. High quality, too. He fiddled with the buttons, the zoom, the lighting, the timer. Everything was so smooth and easy to play with. He didn't want to admit, but this was probably the best gift he'd ever.

"Jaune, open up." Jaune looked up to the knocking at his door. Opening it, he found Weiss holding his gift to her. "What the hell is this?"

"Your present." Jaune answered, making Weiss scowl.

"You know what I meant." She shoved past him and set the binder on his desk, pushing the gift box to the side. The binder was pure white and decorated with a single sticker of Beacon Tower, something purchased in the school store as a memento. Opening the binder and flipping through the pages, each of which were decorated with printed photos from Jaune's scroll. "You have every single person we've known in this binder."

"Yeah?" Jaune said with a raised brow. "That's how photo albums work, don't they?"

"Everyone we've known EXCEPT for the two of us! Why?"

Jaune blinked, looking at her like she'd suddenly turned into a creature of Grimm. "Because you hate me?"

"I don't- I never-" She groaned. "Just because I don't like you doesn't mean I hate you."

"No," Jaune agreed, "but you insulting me at every turn and being an overall bitch to me does."

"Only because you're an asshole to me." Weiss growled before sighing. "Look. Here's what's going to happen. We are going to fix this. You are going to take a picture of us and put it in this binder."

"Why should I listen to you?"

"Because if you don't, I'm going to kick your ass before the others do."

"The others?" Jaune blinked. "Why are they going to kick my ass?"

"Because they think we ruined the winter break for them."

Jaune was quiet for a moment. "I mean, we did."

"Yes, we did, and exactly the point. So take that fancy camera I got you and take my pic-" CLICK! Weiss blinked a couple of times as her vision was still blurred from the sudden flash. "Argh! You asshole!"

"What? I took your picture." Jaune showed off the photo on his camera with a shit-eating grin. "See?"

"Delete that." Weiss ordered.

"No." Jaune refused without dropping his smile.

Weiss opened her mouth to say something, then heaved a sigh. "Fine. Just... don't do anything weird with it. That's all I ask."

"Okay?" Jaune looked to his camera and pressed a button. "There, I deleted it."

"Oh." Weiss then watched Jaune turn on the light and pulled the chair to the center of the room. "What are you doing?"

"Setting up the shot." Jaune said off-handedly. "You want our picture taken, right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts, except yours in this chair." Jaune chuckled.

"Ugh, you're worse than Xiao Long." She seated herself in the chair.

"I doubt it." Jaune lifted and lowered the camera repeatedly while crouched next to the desk before he grabbed a textbook and set the camera on top of it. "Okay..." He ran up to Weiss, taking place behind her. "Smile."

"Why?"

"It's your picture."

"Are you smiling?"

"Yeah."

"Bull."

"I am."

"...Fine." Weiss smiled and the camera flashed as she did. Jaune ran up to the camera and looked it over. He grinned. "What?"

"Nothing. I just look really good in this."

"Let me see." Weiss looked at the photo and immediately frowned. "You made a stupid face."

"I was smiling."

"You were making a stupid face while smiling."

"Well, do you want to take another one?"

Weiss thought for a moment, then nodded. "No stupid pictures this time."

--------------------------------------------------

Weiss opened her photo album, much time had passed since she'd opened it. Many more memories were captured in time and held in place right there inside her book. Her favorite page was the one with all of her favorite photos. The ones filled with her making goofy faces with her husband, Jaune Arc.

Happy Non-Descript Winter Holiday

[the-guppy-fish]

HC - Simon "Ghost" Riley

Types of relationships - Friends

...I have some thoughts...about our boy Simon...there are not many...but more will come...

(definitely have to make a part two🤭)

No warnings, yet. (Slightly proofread)

Simons eyes are always on you. No matter where in the room you are, his eyes always find their way to you. Both consciously and unconsciously. He just likes knowing where you are.

He has made it a habit to rest his hand on your shoulder whenever he stands behind you. (He just likes touching you..and not in a weird way)

Purposefully steals you hairties and hides them in his pockets. Whenever you leave something (jackets, shoes, ...your phone) within his reach, he loves to just hide it from you. Nothing vile. He just loves to see the confusion on your face when you mutter:"Where the f..Simon! Give back my xx"

Somehow, he knows when you get hungry. If you're ever out together, whether that be on an OP or just out with friends, it doesn't matter. Right before your mood turns snappy and you can't concentrate, he hands you some sort of snack.

He has the lamest, most dry fucking jokes ever. But you find them hilarious. Each and every single one of them. Because he has become a master at delivering those jokes.

- while walking in a desert somewhere on an op.

- Simon picks something up off the ground.

"Here, take this."

- he hands you something small. Dropping it into your gloved hand.

"What is it, Lieutenant?"

- while walking away he answers lowly.

"It's for rock music."

- you look down at a thumbnail-sized, triangular and flat rock.

🙄

"Eat." Was all he would tell you.

Tries to shepherd you if you're in crowded places. But you got a will of your own and a gene for getting distracted, so it's quite the struggle for him sometimes. He'd place a gentle hand between your shoulderblades, guiding you to wherever you need to go.

"Stay close, love."

He texts you out of the blue. And it's usually something weird. Something he's spent a good amount of time pondering over....or no time at all. Sometimes, it's something silly, and others he's thought about something deep and very emotional.

'Do you think I should get a pet for when i retire?'

'How about a dog?'

'No'

'Maybe a turtle'

'I want a turtle'

'Would you help me pick one?'

'Do you ever think about what would happen if I didn't come home from an op?'

'Shit. Sorry'

'I did it again :'( '

'Sorry love'

'You busy?'

'Oi'

'Answer me'

'Please'

'I just need your opinion on something'

Si👻 sent a picture

'Don't laugh. Just tell me if you like the sweater or not'

Simon is definitely someone who texts sporadically.

And speaking of texting. He loves to send you random pictures of animals he finds. No explanation. He just wants you to see the cute cat/dog/squirrel he encountered on a walk around town.

Simon is the kind of friend who you just click with. You don't have to talk much. You just get one another. But still. You yap his ears off every time you spend time together. And he just listens. Oh, Simon loves to hear you yap. He knows it brings some quietness to your, sometimes, racing brain. And he knows. The day he needs to talk, you'll be all ears.

Whenever he leaves for an op (without you), you use your chat, more or less, like a diary. You know he has no access to any kind of network what so ever, while he's away. So, all the messages you send... will only be read once he comes back to base. And even though it's not much, and usually only silly and funny things you send him, he loves every bit of it.

(Even when you use your chat to keep grocery lists in)

When things get rough. Because they will. Life sucks sometimes. You're there for one another. You have an ongoing list of times where you helped each other out because no one else could. (And you wanted no one else to help you)

The time you had the nastiest cold. Like snot everywhere. Coughing your lungs up. Fever. Headaches. Everything. He took some days off from work to help you feel better. He stocked your fridge with vegetable soup and made you like a hundred cuppas until you finally felt like yourself again. All while laughing at you whenever you sneezed without a tissue because you just couldn't keep the snot in.

The time Simons apartment flooded because his upstairs neighbour had busted a pipe, and water began running down Simons walls. In no time, you had helped him collect the few possessions he had at home and brought them to your place. For a few weeks, he occupied your couch while his apartment got fixed.

One time, your bank card had been stolen, and all your accounts were frozen until the card had been deactivated. With no real money to your name at that moment, Simon had lent you at least a month's worth of rent, utilities, and groceries until your bank had settled everything.

Simon once went out to drink with the task force. He had somehow convinced them that he was sober enough to walk home by himself. (He was not.) On the way home, he had managed to trip over his large feet and stumble down the pavement and almost face plant on the empty road. In his drunken state, he had managed to call you and ask for help. Even though it was late, you had gone out for him. Helped him home and into his bathroom. You had helped him clean the scrapes and cuts on his hands, knees, and chin. Brushed his teeth and made him drink some water before you sent him to bed. The next morning, you woke on his couch, the sound of Simons hangover reaching you from the bathroom. He sounded like he was dying. But at least he was up.

When you were working together, your friendship looked a little different. Your work relationship made it hard for him to express his care for you in the way we'd like. So he found other ways. Both of you had to dial down the banter and long yap sessions. So Ghost found discrete ways to be there for you. He made sure your canteen was always filled with water. When he was assigning guard shifts, he would usually put you two on the same shift to ensure you had at least some hours in each others company. Sometimes, he even saved the tiny piece of chocolate from the field rations you ate so he could give it to you whenever you had a shitty day.

When you're on leave, he loves to ask you to go hiking with him. Simon loves to spend time in nature, and he loves to spend time with you. So why not combine it? You spent hours together, both talking about almost everything between heaven and earth, but also in silence, just enjoying the comfort of being around one another.

Also, Simon loves to tease you. Not to be cruel or try to embarrass you. No. He just loves to see you squirm a little. (But he also loves it when you set your foot down. That fire behind your eyes when you tell him to "fucking quit it." He feels proud to see you stand up for yourself. Even if he was the cause of your irritation.)

[wroetominter]

Wedding Guests - George Clarke

In which George and Y/n have a history, that makes an appearance at their friends wedding.

Pairing: George X Femreader

Warnings: slight smut

I stepped out of my cab, thanking the driver as I pulled my weekender bag over my shoulder and carried my dress bags into the lobby of the gorgeous hotel Ethan and Faith had decided to get married at. Some of the guests had opted to stay the night before in the hotel block, wanting to extend the festivities as much as possible.

After checking in, I made my way to the fifth floor where my room was located. Walking down the hall I saw my room, 513. Going to unlock it, the door next to mine opened and I saw George Clarke exiting. It had been awhile since I had seen him.

"Hey George" he looked over to his name being called, smiling at me.

"Hello Y/n, lovely to see you." He gave me a little hug. "Let's catch up when you're settled yeah? Me and the boys are down in the bar if you'd like to join.

"Yeah sounds good to me, give me 10 and I'll meet you down there." He made his way to the lift as I unlocked my room.

Noticing my room had an adjoining door to George's, I figured we would end up being a party space for our friends and made mental note to tell everyone when I saw them.

I changed into something more appropriate for evening, a nice pair of jeans and a basic black tank top. After freshening up my hair and makeup, I grabbed my wallet and key card, sliding them into my pocket and making my way back downstairs where I knew I would find everyone in the bar.

I ran into Faith and a few of her friends in the lobby, squeezing her tight and giving her congratulations again and gushing about how excited I was for the wedding tomorrow. She agreed and her and her group made their way towards the restaurant.

Slipping into the bar, I scanned the surprisingly crowded room for anyone I recognized. I jumped as I felt and arm slide around my waist, turning to the side and seeing Arthur TV. "You scared the shit out of me Arthur." I wrapped my arm around his waist reciprocating his previous movements.

"Sorry Y/n, didn't mean to truly. You looked lost I figured you could use a friendly face." He said so innocently I couldn't help but forgive him.

"I appreciate your face" I gave his cheek a little squeeze and he led me to a booth at the back of the room.

I slid into the booth next to Arthur, and then George blocked me in. We sat with Bach, Harry, and Reev for the evening, chatting about everything we had been up to since the last time we had seen each other. I had been so busy with taking on streaming I hadn't been at as many events as I would have liked to attend. It seemed the boys agreed as I told them I would make more time to visit everyone.

"Do you want a drink love?" George asked nudging my side. Throughout this evening he had been scooting closer and closer into me. George and I had an odd history - a flirtationship really. We had always gotten along well, but after the last trip abroad to Spain we had sort of lost some of that relationship. I think in part due to my absence, and also the growing fame he had acquired taking up the majority of his time as well.

"I'd love one. I'll have a"- he interrupted my sentence.

"A tequila ginger ale?" He asked. A smile grew across my face. I nodded and he got up from the booth to go order our drinks.

"He talks about you constantly, y'know." Arthur whispered to me. I stared at him for a second.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"He misses you. A lot. Talks constantly about your trips abroad, hanging out with you, everything. I think coming around more would be good for him. And for you." I let myself sit with those words for a while. I missed George too. It wasn't exactly a secret that his wit was charming, not to mention his striking good looks. He really was different to most guys I knew.

A glass was sat down in front of me, garnished with a lime, just the way I liked it.

"Thank you Georgie." I used the nickname I used to call him frequently.

He rolled his eyes, tossing a lazy arm around my shoulders. Normally a friendly gesture, but this time there was a different feeling attached. "You're welcome darling." I felt myself stiffen at his comment. He must have noticed, as he pulled his arm back to his side. I instantly regretted my natural awkwardness and looked back to him, seeing he had a slight blush on his cheeks. I set my hand on his, resting on his leg. A silent reassurance that I wasn't upset with his movements.

The night drew closer to an end, and we all decided to retire to our rooms.

I walked with George, seeing as our rooms were right next to each other. The silence between us was comfortable.

As we got to our rooms, I paused, looking over to George who had done the same thing, meeting my gaze.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier, I guess sometimes I just feel like nothing has changed with us." He admitted, looking down at the floor.

"George - you didn't make me uncomfortable. I was taken aback a little I guess. I'm not used to it anymore either. I'm unfortunately too awkward these days. I didn't mean to snub you." His spirits seemed to lift, his eyes looking up to meet mine. I felt myself back months ago, staring in the same eyes, but the situation much different.

"Goodnight Y/n, I'll see you at the wedding tomorrow." He said, unlocking the room to his door and heading inside.

I sighed, following suit and entering my room.

———

After getting myself entirely ready, the only thing I had left to do was choose a dress. I had brought two, not sure what mood I would be in. The wedding was a formal event, and both dresses would work well for the occasion. I had a brown dress with a slit halfway up the side, and it wrapped around my body, with small sleeves on the top. My second option was a dark green satin spaghetti strapped dress that hugged around my torso, and flowed out towards the bottom slightly.

I couldn't make up my mind. I felt like I was going insane just trying the two of them on non stop.

Giving in, deciding I needed a second opinion I opened my side of the adjoining door. I knocked, and shortly George opened the door. He was dressed in a black suit, looking more handsome than he ever had. I gasped at the sight of him as he opened the door.

He smirked and laughed "I know, I look insane."

"Not exactly the word I would have used, but. Anyway - I need advice. I have this dress" I gestured to the brown dress I was wearing. "And this one" I held up the green one. "And I need help choosing which one I should wear." George eyed me up and down, making me suddenly feel self conscious.

"Try the other one on, I can't envision it." I nodded, shutting the door and quickly changing.

It was my turn to make him gasp this time, as I opened the door. "That's the one." He said, adjusting the bow tie he was wearing. I smiled, grabbing my small bag and tossing my phone inside.

"Thank you Georgie. I knew I could count on you." I shut the door and followed him into the hallway. He held out his arm and I gladly linked mine with his as we made our way to the ballroom.

The ceremony was first, the hall we were in was decorated elegantly and I found a free space in one of the pews. George sat next to me, and I felt comfort knowing someone I knew would be near me. He grabbed my hand, silently comforting me as the ceremony began.

———

I wiped a few stray tears from my eyes as Ethan and Faith said their 'I do's' and they were pronounced man and wife. I loved love. Seeing others happy always made me cry.

They announced that the reception was in a separate room, and they led us to the new location.

We were greeted by ushers, showing us to our assigned seats. I was nervous, sat at a table with people I didn't know very well. I could still see George, the next table away looking much more confident than I felt. He locked eyes with me, eyeing me up and down and mouthing that I would be fine. He knew me so well.

I made small talk with those near me, watching the speeches from all of the loved ones who knew the groom and bride best. It was a beautiful night, and I was excited to keep this party going.

Drinks flowed, and conversations kept everyone in high spirits throughout the night.

An arm slid around my waist, pulling me close. I could smell the beer on George's breath as he pulled me close to him. His hand was resting cheekily right above my bum, the other holding my waist. "You look so lovely tonight Y/n. I've missed seeing you." He admitted. I smiled at him, placing my hands on his chest, he had long ditched the suit jacket, presumably due to the warm atmosphere, or the amount of drinks he had consumed.

"Thank you, I missed you too." He looked like he was about to lean in, but I chalked up to my imagination as he never acted on the supposed movement.

"I'm ready to go back up to my room. How about you?" he asked. I checked the time, seeing it was well after midnight at this point.

"I think that's a good idea." I followed his lead, congratulating Faith and Ethan again as George said his good nights to his friends.

George wrapped his arm around me as we went to leave the room. "Come on!" I heard Arthur call out, George shot him a look, and Arthur simply winked back.

Once at my hotel room door, I opened it, standing in the doorway looking at George. We stood staring at each other for a few moments, the silence building a tension I was sure we both felt.

"George..." I started, building up some courage. "You've been staring at this dress all night, don't you want to see what it looks like on the floor?" His eyes widened and he stepped forward, grabbing my face with both of his hands, pressing his lips to mine fiercely. We stumbled into the room, door closing behind us.

I fumbled with the buttons on his top, eager to reveal his toned chest. He helped with the last few, the shirt falling off behind us as George's hands slid the zipper down the back of my dress, the satin pooling around my feet in an instant, leaving me clad in nothing but my underwear. It felt normal to be this vulnerable with George, despite this being the first time he had seen me like this.

He unbuttoned his trousers, sliding them off and grabbing me by the legs, pulling me onto the bed straddling his lap. I could feel the bulge growing in his pants, and I knew I was about to be in for an exciting night.

“I can’t tell you how long I have been waiting for this invitation” he kissed me softly, holding me close.

This was more than just physical for me, and now I felt it may be for him as well. I played with the hair at the nape of his neck as he kissed me.

“I wish we would have started this in Spain.” He smiled into the kiss, hooking his fingers into my underwear and flipping us over, sliding them down my legs and discarding them somewhere on the floor.

“We have a lot of catching up to do, don’t we?” He breathed hot air where I needed him most. My heart raced in anticipation, feeling him push my legs apart, leaning in and swiping his tongue over my core. My back arched up in pleasure, meeting his face as he began his work on me.

My hands were tangled in his hair as his tongue drew circles, bringing my pleasure higher and higher. I gasped as he slid his fingers inside me, curling and pushing in and out of me, driving me closer to my peak. “George, please,” I begged, needing this release more than I needed my next breath.

He kept his pace, bringing my orgasm crashing over me. My breath jagged and rough as I rode out my orgasm. He sat up, smirking at the state he had me in. I sat myself up on my elbows, staring at him. His chest had small beads of sweat on it, and my eyes trailed lower, fixating them on his pants, the outline of his penis threatening to escape from how hard he was. “George”

“Yes darling?” He leaned in closer.

“I’m yours.” That was all he needed. He pulled his pants down, releasing his erection. I needed him.

He leaned down to kiss me again, lining himself up with my vagina, and pushing in as he kissed me. He was better than I could have imagined. His pace was perfect, thrusting in and out at a perfect rhythm. He kissed me, whispering sweet nothings into my ear as he worked his magic.

I could tell he was getting closer, as his thrusts became more erratic. He pulled out abruptly, flipping to his back and taking himself in his hand, giving himself the final few pumps he needed to finish. The sight was probably one of the hottest things I had ever witnessed.

We laid there in a comfortable silence, both panting. I decided I should help George, getting up and grabbing a towel to clean him up.

I laid myself into him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“I like you, Y/n.” He said softly.

I laughed, holding myself up to look at him. He stared back at me, looking nervous at my laughter at his admission.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. I just, I like you to George. It just felt obvious from the last fifteen minutes.” It was his turn to laugh. He wrapped his strong arms around me and kissed me again, and again, and again.

“I just wanted to hear you say it.”

A knock on the door startled us from the moment we were having.

“Who on earth could that be?” I whispered.

“If I had to guess, probably Arthur.” George said, getting up and pulling his pants and top back on.

I wrapped the duvet over my body, shielding myself from the door.

George cracked the door slightly, and I could barely hear the whispers being exchanged.

George returned to the bed, taking his top back off and sliding in next to me, cuddling into my side.

“Arthur?” I asked him.

He sighed. “Unfortunately. He was making sure I finally admitted feelings for you.” I laughed.

“We’ll spare him the horny details.” I said, kissing his cheek and laying on his chest.

The details of this night could stay between us, for now.

[naughtyneganjdm]

Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 18

Summary: When his laptop starts giving him shit, Joel asks for Y/N's help to fix it which leads to her snooping on it against her better judgement. Wanting to be a better man, Joel goes to Negan to apologize and be more open with him which leads to Joel accepting to be the man he was never allowed to be.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/157394716 Warnings: Swearing, Severe Angst, Smut, m/m sex scene, bottom!Joel, Top!Negan, etc.

Notes: My schedule is all fucked up with this story and I'm sorry for that! I obviously won't finish it before Christmas, but I will do my best. This chapter has a m/m sex scene in it. So, putting that out there! You can choose to ignore it if you like. Thanks for reading!

Even though she enjoyed having the time to spend with those that she cared about, there were certain days where Y/N regretted taking as much vacation time as she did from work. Having a busy mind would help her get through the days that she was alone, but since she never took any time off during the year, this was more of a forced time off. Regardless, she had still logged into work today to see if there was anything she could help with. Considering she was all alone today, she didn’t think it would be much of a problem. Joel had a meeting with a potential client, Negan had something to do and the children were with their friends.

Earlier in the day, Joel had come to her in a panic before his meeting because his computer had frozen on him. Joel was convinced it had something to do with the e-mails that he received after he went viral with Negan in New York. Part of him worried that someone had sent him a virus of some kind because they hated Negan. And while that was a possibility, she was certain that Joel’s computer was just giving him shit. It was older. While things were still ill at ease between them with what happened, Joel had stressed to her how worried he was because he had all of his important files and contacts saved on there. Along with photos and videos of the children. He was afraid of losing them, so she offered to help him.

Joel was never really good with technology and she worked on computers all the time, so she really didn’t see it as a big deal. When things went wrong with work at home, she was the only person for the most part that could be IT and fix things herself. So while she was working on something for work, she had been running a system restore point for Joel. And she had also promised to get him a portable hard drive to help him put all of his files onto it so he didn’t lose them.

While she wanted to be mad at Joel, she couldn’t be. Even if she wanted to. Multiple times he texted her and she’d respond. Today was just the first day that they spoke face to face. And while he had a meeting that he had to go to, it didn’t stop Joel from attempting to talk to her about everything. Apologizing multiple times for what he had done the other night at the Christmas Fest when he was drunk. The amount of times he apologized was quite extensive. It was all he could really focus on. How sorry he was. It seemed to really upset him what he had done. He had stressed to her multiple times how much he loved her. How he wanted to do everything right and make her happy. How he wanted to be a better version of himself. Several times he promised her that he wanted them to be close and work on their relationship together.

When his phone went off with Tommy asking him where he was, Joel had to run off. And she promised him by the time that he got back she would have everything handled with his computer. By the time she was done with what she needed to do for work, she returned to Joel’s laptop and it seemed like the system restore point had worked.

From all their years together, she knew Joel’s password was Peter’s name and Elizabeth’s birthday in numerical form. Making sure that the computer was working, she logged into it and was happy to see that it was opening normally. As everything loaded, she realized the folder that he had open was family videos. A video was already open and curiosity got the best of her. Hitting the play button made her smile when she realized that it was a family video from Christmas time of them together.

A sense of awe flooded her veins over the fact that was the last video that Joel was watching before his computer decided to give him shit. Closing up the video, she grabbed the portable hard drive and started to copy some of his family videos onto it so he wouldn’t lose them. Actually, it was pretty cute how many family videos he did have on his computer. Ranging as far back as Elizabeth being a baby. She could see why these were so important to Joel.

While that folder was copying, she went back to his overall videos folder. Joel wasn’t very good with naming things. He was the complete opposite of her. Also opening his photos folder, she felt her throat tighten seeing that some of the first few photos she noticed were Joel and Tess together. They had broken up a while ago, yet Joel still had photos of them together on his computer. Then again, she knew Joel was messy with how he kept things. Dragging his photos folder onto the hard drive, she dropped that down and then went back to looking at his video folder. Clicking on a random folder, she opened a video that was inside of it and let out a tense breath when she realized what it was.

A nervous sound escaped her lips with her looking over her shoulder to make sure that she had turned her computer off so there was no way that her camera was on. When she made sure it was off, she let out a relieved sound and looked to Joel’s laptop again. Stretched out on the bed in the video was a younger version of herself very much naked laying on their bed. It immediately clicked with her that this was one of their personal, naughty videos that they had done together that Joel had assured her that he would delete.

Maybe she should have stopped, but she was watching the video with her heart hammering inside of her chest. A much younger Joel walked into the screen wearing only a pair of light-colored jeans. In the past, Joel was always very much turned on by taking videos of them having sex. It was a kink of his and she was starting to realize that he hadn’t gotten over it. In the video Joel was going down on her with her cries filling the air. Watching closely, she felt her body tensing up when Joel shed his pants and she realized this was one of their romantic sexual moments. While she got the appeal of the videos, considering they had children that were smart, Y/N didn’t know how safe it was to keep these.  

Closing that video and opening another, she felt her face flushing over with heat when she realized it was a video of her giving a blowjob to Joel from his perspective. Quickly closing the video, she felt her face getting hot that he kept all of these. Opening another one, she saw Joel laying over her with her face down on the bed. Joel was setting the camera up on the nightstand before returning to her. When he had the camera the way he wanted, the younger version of Joel smiled and crawled back in over her. His hand curled around her throat pulling her head back while his other hand reached between them to lead his hard cock into her. A loud smacking sound filled the air with Joel filling her and she felt her body getting hot at what she was watching. Unlike the first one, this was pure filth in terms of the kind of sex that they were having.

Honestly? She probably should have stopped there, but she didn’t. Opening video after video of the things that Joel had kept between them. Stopping on one, she realized it was one that was toward the end of the part of their marriage before Joel started to grow cold with her. The video was better probably because Joel was so used to doing the videos. You saw everything in this video. Which mortified her. What if one of the children went on his computer and saw this?

“Look at me,” Joel demanded, his fingers grabbing a tight hold of Y/N’s jaw in the video while their loud, broken breaths continued. The smacking sounds of their skin filled the video while Joel kissed her. Joel’s forehead pressed to hers with a big smile expanding over his features. “I love you.”

There were two thoughts going on in her mind right now. Panic if the children had ever seen this and the other was her wondering what it was that made Joel fall out of love with her not long after. Because in this video? The way that Joel looked at her took her breath away. He was obsessed with her back then. Hooked on her and always wanting to touch her, kiss her and be with her.

“You need to stop,” she huffed to herself, scrolling through the same folder. Truthfully? There were so many videos that they took together that she couldn’t believe she even allowed him to do it in the first place. It was a vast array of things that they had done since they were together. Yes, some of them did get her hot and bothered, but she didn’t know if it was a bad or a good thing that it did.

Part of her was worried that going through the videos she would find something of him and Tess together. But the more she scrolled, the more she began to realize that there was nothing. Which was strange because that was one of Joel’s biggest kinks when they were together. Deep down she had mentally prepared herself to see videos that Joel had done with Tess, yet there were none.

Confusion flooded her veins with just how happy she felt to know that he didn’t have any. Why she felt that way was beyond her. And she was embarrassed to admit that it did make her so fucking happy.

Sliding in closer, she narrowed her eyes and focused on the images realizing the date on one of the videos was toward the end of their marriage. In the thumbnail all she saw that it was Joel and she opened the video up.

“I reckon you’ve been lonely lately and I thought that maybe this would help you,” Joel’s southern drawl filled the air and it had her leaning back into the chair.

This was a new one for her, one she had never seen before. But it was certainly when she was still married to Joel because he had his wedding ring on. Sitting forward in the chair he was in, Joel tugged at the blue t-shirt that he was wearing. Tossing it aside, Joel leaned forward in the chair dragging his fingers across his chiseled jawline. A laugh fell from her throat when Joel flexed his bicep in the video drawing attention to his muscular form. Standing up, Joel stepped back so the camera got just to the top of his head and to his mid thighs. Back then, Joel was in a little better of a shape than he was now with v-line leading toward the top of his pants. Maybe this was something that he made for her in the past but never sent her because they had gotten in a fight. Back then, Joel was a little more arrogant with his body. She definitely remembered those days with Joel palming up over his chiseled abdomen toward his chest. Caressing at it, Joel lowered his hands and dropped them over the belt that he was wearing. This was his way of being seductive and it made her laugh again the way he dragged his fingers across the belt. Tugging it open, Joel took his time opening his jeans and slightly tugging it down over his hips. In the movement, he took his boxer down with it revealing the dark curls of hair right above the base of his cock in a teasing moment.

Turning around in the video, Joel pushed his pants down over his ass to reveal it. Maybe she was wrong for watching it, but since she was married to him at the time, she really didn’t see what the big deal was. Through the video, Joel focused on flexing a little bit before turning to face the camera again. By the time he pushed his pants down fully, his cock bounced with the movement and it made her sigh. Joel jerked off standing up for a bit in the video before adjusting the camera so he could sit back down in the chair and continue.

Back then, she was completely head over heels for him. Back then? Who the fuck was she kidding? She was always going to be head over heels for Joel. So watching these videos was wrong on her part especially since she knew that they would have some kind of effect on her. Really she should have been more mortified than she was that he kept these videos.

At the end, cum was covering Joel’s chest and abdomen with an arrogant smile tugging at his lips. Joel reached for a tissue and cleaned himself up before sliding in closer to the camera to flash a sheepish smile, “I hope you enjoyed that Lucille, it’ll give you something to keep you hot while Negan is gone.”

Suddenly, she leaned forward to stop the video after hearing that bit, “What the fuck?”

Realizing that Joel had his e-mails open and his phone messaging was connected to the computer, Y/N felt a sense of rage flooding her veins. Opening the e-mails, she realized that Lucille’s e-mails were already loaded in the search bar. Snooping was beneath her, but she felt overwhelmed seeing what she just did. Going through the emails, most of them were them just talking. In some of them, he talked very highly about Y/N, but in others he said really awful things about her to Lucille. It seemed like two miserable people in marriages where they needed a friend to talk to. But she did eventually find e-mails of them flirting with one another. What seemed like was originally innocent, turned to e-mails with occasional sexting. But eventually it seemed like things stopped.

If he was doing this with Lucille…suddenly Y/N’s heart sank. Typing in Tess’s name, she found the e-mails that Joel had with her realizing that his e-mails with her were also very sexual during their separation. Upset flooded her body and she knew that it was wrong, but she dived deeper into things opening up Joel’s text messages that were connected to Joel’s phone.

Opening up his messages with Tess, she acknowledged that the last time that Joel wrote her was months ago.

Can we talk please?

That came from Joel after they broke up. Part of her wondered if it wasn’t a mutual thing with them breaking up.  

Scrolling through a few things, the last message she saw came from Tess.

Goodbye Joel. You’re still hooked on your ex-wife. Nothing you can say can change my mind. You’re always talking about her. Comparing me to her. Your heart knows what you want. So does mine. I can see why your marriage ended with Y/N if you were as cold with her as you were me.

Pushing away from the table that Joel’s laptop was on, she didn’t know how to respond to everything that she had seen. Tensing up, the sound of the door opening was heard and she looked back over her shoulder to see that it was Joel entering the house with a big bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bag of take out in the other.

“I know you wanted me to ditch the keys, but this was a good day with work,” Joel started to ramble, closing the door with his heel. “I figured I would get us something to celebrate and hoped we could talk. I picked up the Chinese food that you like and…”

Joel’s smile faded when he saw the expression that was over her face and he let out a nervous breath, “What’s wrong?”

Noticing that the laptop was on, Joel nodded toward it and tipped his head to the side, “Did you figure out everything with the computer?”

“I did,” she answered, folding her arms out in front of her chest. Lowering the flowers at his side, Joel was attempting to read her expression. “I started putting your files onto a separate hard drive so you didn’t lose them.”

“Thank you,” Joel muttered, his head shaking from side to side. “Why are you looking at me like that? I know that expression all too well. It’s been quite some years since I’ve seen it.”

“You left a lot of shit open Joel,” she explained with him setting the flowers and the food down on the coffee table that was in front of the couch. “And maybe I got to snooping. First of all, I thought you promised me when we were together that you would delete all of our sex videos. Yet, I found them. Very easily in your videos folder.”

“Oh,” Joel’s face went red, his chocolate-colored eyes lowering down to the floor. “I just, I uh, I liked those so much that I had a hard time letting them go. I’ve actually watched a few of them lately when I was alone because…”

“Our children aren’t stupid. What if they found the videos Joel?” she snapped at him and it had Joel exhaling loudly. “Joel?”

“They know better than to go snooping on my computer Y/N. It’s my work computer. They both have access to their own computers. They wouldn’t have found it,” Joel assured her, but she wasn’t sure that was the case. It was so easy to get a hold of that anyone could have found the videos. “I never shared them anywhere else. They are just on my computer and…”

“How about you jerking off for Lucille?” Y/N snarled and the expression Joel made looked like he had been hit in the gut with her mentioning that. “While we were married none the less.”

“I…that was…” Joel’s stuttered, his voice growing deeper when he was trying to respond to her with something he could say. “I didn’t…it was…”

“You can’t lie Joel. I did the wrong fucking thing and went through your e-mails,” she was honest with Joel who moved over toward the edge of the couch to sit down on the arm of it. Slouching forward, Joel looked like he was going to be sick. “The two of you were pretty much having an affair.”

“No, no,” Joel was quick to deny her claim, throwing her hands up in the air. “I never had sex with Lucille. Ever. We just talked sometimes and that was it.”

“You sent her a video of you masturbating Joel. I read the e-mails of you two sexting each other,” she threw her hand back toward the computer knowing that she was getting worked up over everything that she found. “We were married and you were still doing that shit. Yet you swore up and down that you never cheated on me!”

“I didn’t!” Joel defended himself, his chest aching with being caught for something he did over four years ago. “I never, ever had sex with anyone while we were married. I fucking swear. All that stuff on the internet was innocent. I never acted on it. Yeah, I sent some photos or some videos, but I swear I never had sex with anyone. You can’t think I did that because…”

“What does it matter if you didn’t fuck anyone while we were married?” she screamed back at Joel noticing the color that was pressing over Joel’s cheeks. “You got divorced so you could. You were desperate to get your dick wet by someone else and you did. And that’s why you divorced me. Now you have and you realized no one is going to put up with you like I did. No one is going to…” she paused, a saddened sound falling from her throat. Lowering her head, she felt her breathing broken and she shook her head. “No one is going to love you like I do.”

“Now that’s not fair,” Joel claimed, throwing his hand up in the air, his face scrunching up at her anger toward him. “I did some fucked up things toward the end of our marriage, but this was four years ago. I’m not the same man.”

“I know, but I just learned this Joel,” she let out something that resembled a sob and she lowered her head hating that she was getting emotional over her breaking into someone else’s private files. “I read the things you said about me to Lucille. You really did hate me.”

“I was very confused back then, but I never hated you,” Joel claimed, his raspy voice growing nervous since he was hoping to work on their relationship, yet she was doing nothing but learning about the worst parts of him from so long ago. “Please, don’t judge me for what I did back then. I know that what I did was wrong, but you have to realize that we were kids when we got together. Your teens and your twenties are when you are supposed to go nuts. Try things. Instead, I was busy being a dad. I only had sex with a few people before we got together and I thought I was missing out on things. I just…”

“You were my first Joel and I was never with anyone else,” she interrupted him, tears burning at her eyes having Joel trying to excuse what he had done. “Yet you didn’t see me desperate to go and fuck other people because I wanted to experience life.” 

“You’re right. I was wrong and I see that now,” Joel agreed with her desperate to have her understand that he wasn’t like that anymore. “I know what I did was wrong. So wrong. But please understand that I’m not that man anymore. Other than Negan, the only person that I’ve been around or even interacted with is you. I don’t have that urge anymore. I had chances to sleep with other people, but I won’t take it because I want to be with you. And…Negan. I want us to work out something with the three of us.”  

“I know you’re not that person Joel,” she alerted him having Joel get anxious about the way she was responding to all of this. “But what you were doing with Tess and Lucille was cheating.”

“By sending photos and videos?” Joel visibly didn’t believe that was cheating. “When we were married I never touched another woman. And I didn’t send anything to Tess until after we were separated. I didn’t cheat on you.”

“But you wanted to,” she focused on the idea of it finding herself heart broken once more by everything that she read and saw. “I think Negan would kill you if he read what I did. If he saw what I saw.”

“I agree,” Joel acknowledged with a disappointed breath. “I was stupid Y/N. What I did was wrong. But I see that now. I stopped talking to Lucille after you and I got divorced. I regret it because she was the one real friend I probably had. Those things...those things you saw were just a small part of us being bored. Did you see her last e-mail? Because that’s what our friendship was really like. We didn’t want to fuck or have sex. We were just two friends that understood each other and what the other was feeling. But then the last e-mail she wrote me, it said everything.”

“Joel, I don’t…” she was going to refuse him, but Joel got up and moved around her to open up the last video that Lucille sent him. Forcing her to watch it by turning her chair to look at the laptop. Instead of fighting Joel like she wanted to, she watched the video and he could tell that it was making her emotional. When it ended, Joel sat on the edge of the table in front of her.

“We really were just friends. You see she loved Negan and she knew I loved you,” Joel insisted going to reach out to touch her, but he reconsidered it with how upset she had been over finding everything and instead lowered his hand down at his side. “I feel horrible. I feel this terrible sense of guilt because I abandoned her and I was the one person she had been open to throughout everything. I knew that she had cancer and I never responded to that e-mail Y/N. I didn’t even see it until the other night. I dropped the ball on everything. I was an asshole and I hate the person that I became. I loved you, I hurt you and I hurt one of my only real friends.”

“I don’t even know what to say right now Joel,” she confessed to him being disappointed with the things that she learned. “You always played yourself like you were a certain kind of person and you weren’t. Back then I was so head over heels in love with you and you meant everything to me. I made you so miserable and…”

“I want to go to therapy,” Joel announced, caressing his hands in over his thighs getting her to lift her saddened eyes to his. “I want to be better for you, I want to be a better friend to Negan. I made so many mistakes and I hate it. I want to make things better, be better for all of you.”

“I don’t know,” she frowned lowering her head and he could hear that she was crying. “I need some time Joel.”

“Y/N? I’m not that guy anymore,” Joel threw his hand toward the computer seeing that she had opened his text messages with Tess so she saw their last interaction together. “You can see that you are it for me. That I have been so hooked on you that even Tess saw it. I love you. I love you so fucking much and…”

“I know Joel!” she yelled at him, getting him to lean back and swallow down hard again. “I know all of this. And right now? You should be furious with me for invading your privacy because I was wrong. I was so wrong to do that to you. And I don’t even know why I’m so fucking upset because we’re not married anymore. I’m not your wife. You’re not my husband. So this shouldn’t upset me like it does.”

“It upsets you because you love me,” Joel reasoned with her, outstretching his hands to cup her face in them tenderly. “I love you Y/N. And you love me. We’re soulmates and nothing we do is going to change that. That’s why it hurts so much. The two of us need to talk. I’ve been thinking really hard about the whole idea of the three of us being together and I…”

“Joel,” she laughed, holding her hand up in the air to stop him from continuing on. “That’s the last thing on my mind right now.”

“You don’t want that?” Joel frowned, his chest aching at the thought of her no longer wanting to be around him because of what he caused. “I thought you wanted to be with both of us. I thought you loved me and him…”

“I do,” she whimpered, getting up from the desk chair to move over toward the couch to sit down. “It’s just right now I’m not okay. I just learned that the person that I was married to wasn’t the man he led me to believe that he was and it doesn’t feel good.”

“I’m sorry,” Joel moved forward to get on his knees before her, giving her a pleading expression when her eyes finally connected with him. “Please understand that I hate the man that I was. I hate the man that I’ve been…but I know what I am now. I know how I feel about things. And I love you more than anything in this world. Other than our children of course. There is something I need to talk to you about from when I was younger. I haven’t told anyone about it and I only just told Tommy, but I think if you let me talk to you about it, you’ll understand some things about me and why I am so broken. Why…”

“I need time Joel,” she restated with a frown, lowering her head into her hand and it had her letting out a tremoring breath. “I just need to think about things, okay?”

“Y/N, please? Let us just talk things out,” Joel begged of her again, his hands grabbing a tender hold of hers. “If there is one thing I’ve realized lately it is how much I truly, genuinely love you. How my world only feels complete when you’re in it. Nothing means anything to me when I don’t have you by my side. I could have all my dreams come true from when I was a kid, but it wouldn’t matter if you weren’t there with me because I’m miserable without you. I’m sorry it took what it did for me to realize just how much you really meant to me.”

Dipping forward, Joel attempted to kiss her, but she was quick to place her hand in over the center of his chest to stop him, “I love you too Joel. And I appreciate the things that you are saying, but right now, I need some time to myself. I promise you I won’t snoop any further on your computer. I’ll let everything run and when it’s done I will make sure everything is safe. Your computer will be ready for tomorrow. Okay?”

“Y/N?” he whispered her name again wishing it wasn’t going down like this. “You’re more important than my computer. You understand that, right? It could be broken for all I fucking care because you mean more to me than anything on that computer.”

“Joel, I love you,” she claimed, her hand outstretching to caress down over the side of his face. “And you’re right. I do have to acknowledge that you aren’t the man you used to be. And I think it’s brave that you want to get help. If I’m willing to accept that Negan is a different man than he used to be, I have to be willing to accept that you are too. And I see that you are. I’m not kicking you out of my life. I want to talk to you. I want us to talk. And I’m not saying no to things, I’m just saying right now I need time to think. I can’t remember the last time I got to be alone and just think things out. And I need that.”

“I was really hoping the two of us could have dinner together and we could talk. About us and maybe our future?” Joel reasoned with her having her frown and bite down on her bottom lip. “Trust me when I tell you that being alone is the worst thing to be when you are upset because you think the worst things. Alone you are going to think negative things about my feelings for you, but I need you to know that I am a very fucked up person. I am very confused about all the emotions and the feelings that I have had. But the only thing I’m one hundred percent sure of is that you are the purest thing I’ve ever had in my life. My feelings for you? How much you mean to me. That’s the only thing I understand. How much I love you. I fight this war in my head of whether or not I’m good enough for you and the simple answer is that I’m not. I’m not good enough for you. But you are the only person that makes me want to do better. You are the only person that I want to be the best version of myself for. There are parts of me that I have hidden my whole life, things I’m not comfortable with, but I’m open to letting them shine through if I have you in my life. You are the realest thing I’ve ever known in my life. Even when nothing makes sense, the only thing that does make sense to me is you. And I know I’m just talking a whole lot right now and I reckon I’m upsetting you, but I know that the good parts of me? The parts worth keepin’? They are there because of you. I need you to know that. I can’t have you thinking otherwise. You can’t keep hurting yourself and thinkin’ things that aren’t true. I’ll give you what you want and I’ll leave. But please don’t keep beating yourself up because I can’t leave knowing that’s what you’re going to do.”

“Joel,” she slid forward on the couch, her fingers brushing into his dark hair. With a weak smirk, she leaned in to bring their lips together in a faint kiss that took his breath away when she pulled slightly back. “I hear everything you’re saying. I do.”

“Okay,” Joel frowned, his thumb dragging out across her bottom lip with sadness flooding into his big brown eyes. “Just promise me you won’t hurt yourself with your thoughts. Because I’m the biggest culprit in doing that and it does nothing good.”

“I promise we can talk about whatever it is you want to talk about,” she almost naturally kissed at the pad of his thumb having Joel suck in a sharp breath of air. “I just need some alone time right now.”

“Yes ma’am,” Joel whispered, lifting up enough to press a lingering kiss against her face. Caressing at the back of her neck, Joel tipped back slightly to gaze down at her. Pressing one final tender kiss over her lips, Joel got up and pointed over toward the food and flowers. “That’s for you. Whenever you want it you can have it.”

Joel headed for the door, but stopped when he grabbed a hold of the door handle, “You are perfect. You were always perfect. And I did have an amazing life. A life people could only dream of having. The perfect wife. I wish I would have never hurt you like I did because you deserved nothing but love. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hide anything from you anymore. I will never be that person again. I swear.”

Heading for the door, Joel grabbed a hold of it and stopped when she called out to him, “I understand you want to be honest, but don’t tell Negan what happened between you and Lucille, okay? I don’t think he could handle it.”

“Yes ma’am,” Joel swallowed down hard regretting that he let it get to that place so long ago. “Thank you for not wanting me dead.”

A tense exhale fell from Y/N since Joel knew he’d probably die if Negan knew what had happened in the past. Giving Joel a nod, she slid back on the couch and pulled her legs up to her chest to hug them close, “I love you.”

“And I love you,” she replied back taking his breath away when he gave her a half-smirk. “If you ever question that Joel Miller, then you don’t have your head on straight.”

“I question it sometimes,” Joel smirked, lifting up to grasp at his jaw appreciating that he made her smile with his response. Sadness still lingered in her eyes and he knew that he couldn’t fix it right now. He just had to do for her what she asked from him and give her time. That was the best he could do.

----

This was a stupid idea and Joel knew it. Standing in the middle of a snowstorm, waiting for the door to be answered was a far shot. Especially after what he did and said. At this point he had knocked several times and rang the doorbell once.

Clinging to the bag at his side, he started to realize that his nose and ears felt like they were going to freeze off. It was cold and even though he had his jacket on, it wasn’t doing much to keep him warm. One final ring. That’s what Joel told himself. Truthfully? He should have left already, but he didn’t.

When no one came, Joel huffed loudly and felt ashamed of himself. There was some sense of hope that this would go well, but now he was just someone standing out on the porch waiting for someone that was never going to open up to him.

Turning on his heel, Joel stepped down from the porch only to hear the sound of a front door being pulled open. Looking back over his shoulder, Joel felt his throat tightening at the sight of a soaked Negan standing before him in a pair of athletic pants, holding a black t-shirt at his side. Water was dripping from his hair and he looked flustered.

“Before you say anything,” Joel spoke up, approaching Negan while he took his time putting on his t-shirt. Which only made sense since he was standing in the doorway soaking wet during the middle of a snowstorm. “I know you likely don’t want to see me, but…I’m sorry. I was an asshole. A big one.”

Slicking back his hair, Negan leaned against the doorframe and then folded his arms out in front of his chest waiting for whatever it was that Joel was going for. Lifting the bag that was in his hand had Negan’s eyes lowering to look down at it.

“I came with a peace offering,” Joel commented noticing that Negan was still silently eyeing him over now instead of the bag. Sighing loudly, Joel wondered if Y/N had called Negan and told him what happened. Maybe they talked and he learned what an asshole he had been previously. Dropping the bag down at his side, Joel released a disappointed sound and nodded back toward his truck. “I guess I’ll just leave.”

Turning away, Joel heard a whistling sound drawing him to look back again. Wiggling his fingers gesturing for Joel to follow him, Negan stepped back inside of his rental home. Carefully moving back up the sidewalk, Joel headed into the house and closed the door behind him. Negan was already at the fireplace setting a fire to warm the place up.

“I just got home and I was taking a shower,” Negan informed Joel, not even bothering to look back at Joel while he worked on the fireplace. “By how much snow you are covered in, I assume you were out there a long fucking time before you decided to ring the bell.”

Staying quiet, Joel brushed his fingers through his hair realizing that he was in fact covered in snow still. Getting up with a grunt, Negan moved across the room and motioned Joel to turn around. Allowing Negan to take his jacket off, Negan went and set his coat to dry.

“Why don’t you sit by the fire and warm up?” Negan offered, holding his hand out toward the seat that was there, but Joel simply just lifted the bag to suggest that he had something else.

“The offering might melt,” Joel explained having Negan roll his eyes and motion him toward the kitchen. Following Negan into the kitchen, Joel set the bags on the counter. “Did you eat?”

“Not yet,” Negan responded with a huff, leaning against the counter with Joel pulling something out of the bag. Holding one of the cans out to Negan had a confused smile tugging at Negan’s lips. “Canned ravioli?”

“We used to eat it all the time when we were younger,” Joel reminded Negan with Negan reading over the label of the can of food. He didn’t know why, but Joel was nervous. “I remember us eating it all the time growing up.”

“We were poor as fuck,” Negan snorted, clinging tightly to the can of food. Moving over toward the cabinets to grab two bowls for them, Negan set them down on the counter. “It’s been a while since I’ve had these, but sure? Why not?”

“There’s something else,” Joel motioned Negan to wait after he grabbed the can and returned it to the bag. Pulling the next item out of the bag, Joel turned on his heel, holding out the ice cream that he had bought. Accepting the ice cream, Negan looked it over with the lines in his forehead growing. “I know that offering you ice cream in the middle of a snowstorm seems kind of stupid right now, but…”

“This was Lucille’s favorite,” Negan commented, swallowing down hard and lifting his hazel eyes to stare out at Joel. There was an emotion that Joel couldn’t read with Negan staring out at him.

“It was,” Joel exhaled loudly, with Negan’s confusion flooding his face. “I thought maybe we could eat the Chef Boyardee and then afterwards have some ice cream to remember Lucille. Together.”

“Of course you know her favorite ice cream,” Negan frowned, setting the ice cream down on the counter. Grumbling something under his breath, Negan pinched at his nose and shrugged. “The two of you were secret best friends behind our backs after all.”

“I don’t think you would want to call me that,” Joel thought back on his relationship that he shared with Lucille when he was younger. “I wasn’t a very good friend and calling me her best friend would be giving me too much credit.”

“I don’t understand why you two had to hide that you were friends,” Negan commented, frustration visible behind his eyes. A loud gust of wind outside caught both of their attention having them look to the window to see that it was snowing even harder. “I wouldn’t have fucking cared. I would have been fine with it.”

“We were both going through things,” Joel explained, reaching back to brace himself by curling his fingers around the counter. “When one of us needed someone to talk to, we’d talk to each other. Send each other videos, voice messages, e-mails…sometimes she just needed to get things off her mind that she couldn’t talking to someone in her real life and vice versa.”

“I see,” Negan was quiet, his jaw flexing when he looked to the ice cream again. Taking time to think about everything, Negan finally shrugged his shoulders and let out an extended sigh. “We obviously have a lot to talk about.”

“I agree,” Joel breathed out thinking about the things that Y/N had found not much earlier on his computer. Then he thought about the thing that Y/N had asked of him before he left. God, this was stupid, but if he wanted to be a better man…if he wanted to be someone that proved he was changing, he needed to tell Negan what Y/N knew. Because if he didn’t, it would always eat away at Y/N around Negan and probably the same for him. “I have to tell you something.”

“Go for it,” Negan realized that Joel was likely going to be there for a while since this was the worst storm he had seen since arriving in town. There was no way that he was going to let Joel drive home in this storm. Even if it meant having him sleep on the couch.

“I did something bad,” Joel tried thinking about this whole thing. Going back and forth between things, Joel knew it was for the best to go forward with it. “I want to be more like you. I want to be honest with the people that I care about.”

“So now I’m someone you care about?” Negan scoffed, turning back toward Joel. Rolling his eyes, Joel dropped his head and rubbed at the back of his neck.

“Yes. Very much so. Yes,” Joel answered in a whisper, a lump growing at the center of his throat. Licking his lips anxiously, Joel started to realize how cold he actually was right now. Especially with his white t-shirt and his plaid button up being wet. “Which is why I’m doing this.”

Folding his arms out in front of his chest, Negan leaned back against the counter giving Joel his full attention and that truthfully made Joel a hell of a lot more nervous, “When Lucille and I were talking, most of the time it was innocent. We’d talk about our lives, our emotions, our anger…but…” Joel paused considering right now if this was the smartest idea. “There were times when we’d talk a little…heated?”

“Come again?” Negan obviously thought he didn’t hear Joel correctly with Joel clearing his throat. God, this was stupid. And Joel was truthfully preparing for the worst.

“It was originally initiated by me, so don’t think she did it, but we’d sometimes role play a bit. Talk about sex. Things that we’d do to each other if we were together,” Joel stammered fighting the urge to stop talking because he wanted Negan to know what he had done. By Negan’s expression that was not what he was expecting to hear from Joel in the least. “Things on her end were mostly innocent?”

“Mostly?” Negan repeated, his face scrunching up and by that expression? Joel knew Negan was pissed. The color was draining from Joel’s face and he realized he entirely fucked up with going forward with this, but he had to be honest. From this moment on he always swore to do so to be a better man.

“Yeah, mostly. I got an occasional risqué photo. I also did send her photos and videos of my…” Joel paused, his face getting hot when he directed his hands toward the center of his pants. “I’m telling you because Y/N was working on my computer today. She discovered some of those videos and read some of our e-mails. And I’ve decided that I don’t want to hide from people about the asshole that I used to be. I want to have the trait that you have of telling people everything.”

“You sent my wife dick pics?” Negan smirked uncomfortably with Joel nodding his head. There was a silence that filled the house and the only thing that was heard was the loud wind that was outside. “Did the two of you ever fuck?”

“No,” Joel immediately threw his hands up in the air and cleared his throat. “When I was married to Y/N, I never had sex with another person. It was only at the end of our marriage that I talked dirty, I sent some videos of me jerking off sometimes and the occasional nude photo, but I never…”

With a swift move forward, Negan’s fist connected with Joel’s face having him fall to the ground in a thud at the center of Negan’s kitchen. Groaning out, Joel rolled onto his stomach with his hands covering his face. For a skinny guy, Negan sure as hell hit fucking hard. Hitting his hand against the floor, Joel tried to count to himself. Most of the time if someone hit him, he would fight back, but he knew with this hit? He deserved it.

Ten minutes later Joel was sitting on the couch holding a pack of ice on his nose while poking at the bowl of the warmed-up ravioli that was on the coffee table with a fork. Negan was sitting beside him eating his bowl of ravioli and Joel huffed, “Did you have to hit me so hard?”

“It was a one and done,” Negan spoke with a mouthful gazing over at Joel who pulled the ice pack from his nose. Reaching out with his free hand to grab a hold of Joel’s chin, Negan observed Joel’s nose and shrugged his shoulders. “It doesn’t look too bad.”

“Oh, good. I just bled all over your floor for the first five minutes,” Joel sarcastically stammered, resting the bag of ice back over his face.

“You fucking deserved it,” Negan snorted shoving another piece of ravioli into his mouth, looking to the television where he had on a football game. “First, for what you told me. Second, because Y/N hasn’t done it to you. Third cus’ you kept suggesting I’m only doing this to get back at you when you know I was and am very much fucking in love with Y/N. And fourth because I needed to knock you back for last night. My jaw still fucking hurts from your first hit.”

Groaning out, Joel dropped his head back against the couch and adjusted the pack of ice over his face, “So she said she doesn’t want to talk to you, huh?”

“She told me that she needed space and time,” Joel recalled what Y/N had told him before she kicked him out of the house. “I don’t blame her man. She sees what I did as cheating. And in a way, I guess it was.”

“It wasn’t so much cheating as it was having an emotional relationship with other people,” Negan explained, his throat flexing with his next bite of his food. “You were going to someone else to talk to instead of coming to her and you were sharing parts of you that at the time, belonged to her.”

Dropping the ice pack into his lap, Joel scoffed and then reached for the bowl of food that Negan had made for him after he helped him clean up his face, “So you saw my wife’s parts?”

Instead of speaking, Joel looked to Negan and chewed slowly. There was a muscle that twitched in Negan’s jaw and he scoffed, “they were good parts.”

“Your wife was very attractive,” Joel agreed with Negan as he reached out to turn the volume down on the television with the remote that was on the coffee table. “Both of our wives were very attractive.”

“I still think you’re insane,” Negan claimed, finishing off his food waiting for Joel to finish with his. However, Joel was being very slow with eating since Negan assumed it hurt for him to eat. The look that Joel gave him was that of someone who wasn’t surprised but was waiting for the why. “Y/N is perfect, I don’t know how you could have left her for Tess. Not that Tess isn’t attractive, but I remember what she was like when we were younger.”

“I didn’t exactly leave her for Tess,” Joel blurt out with a mouthful, his head immediately shaking at the suggestion. “Yes, I dated Tess for a while, but I just wanted to experience life. I could say the same thing about you with Lucille. We both made idiotic decisions that looking back on don’t make too much sense.”

“Touché,” Negan scoffed getting comfortable on the couch again, dropping his head back against it.

“Then again you were never stupid enough to let Lucille go,” Joel compared the two of them out loud, “I should have never divorced her. I don’t know what I was thinking. Thinking back now I realize what a big mistake it was. When I was younger I was certain I would lose her to you and then I’m the one that lets her go.”

“Joel,” Negan slurred, his head dropping to the side to gaze out at Joel who was still poking at his food. “I don’t mean to point this out, but what you’ve told me with Lucille and what you did when I was young with Y/N, you do realize that it feels like you’re the one with a fucking vendetta against me, right? You’ve been claiming I’ve done all of this to get back at you, but…”

Muttering something under his breath, Joel shoved another piece of ravioli into his mouth and it had Negan snorting at the way he was avoiding the answer, “Way to avoid the conversation.”

“I’m not avoiding it,” Joel huffed sitting forward so he didn’t have to look at Negan even though out of the corner of his eye he could still see that Negan was staring out at him. “It’s just not true. I don’t have a…vendetta against you.”

“Mhmm…” Negan didn’t say much with Joel finishing up his food. After Joel set the bowl down on the coffee table, Negan was quick to pick them up to go clean them. With Negan gone, Joel just took that time to put the ice pack back on his face. Not long after Negan dropped back down onto the couch, patting his hands on his thighs. “I actually have a theory, but I think I’ll make you pissed if I say it.”

“Like it would be the first time you pissed me off,” Joel reasoned with Negan who gave a dramatic expression while considering it.

“Not yet,” Negan announced, contemplating his next thought. “You got really angry with me about doing the thing at the bar with your singing. Why did you get so bitchy about it? You can’t tell me that it didn’t feel good being up there. Living out your dreams. Your kids told me you went viral with me and Y/N told me about all the e-mails you have been getting with your job alone.”

“Because everything I have, I did myself,” Joel spoke honestly, his eyes sincere when he did actually look at Negan for this answer. “I don’t like people handing things to me. Yes, it felt good to be appreciated for something I used to love to do, but it would have meant more if I did it myself. I’m just that kind of person.”

“I see,” Negan took time to think about the answer. “Did anyone else contact you?”

“Other than the hundreds of e-mails that there was no way I could truly get through them all?” Joel mumbled, throwing his hands up while keeping a tight hold of the ice pack. “My laptop fucked up and that’s how Y/N got a hold of it to see all the stupid shit I did when we were nearing our divorce.”

“I just can’t picture being married to Y/N and letting her go,” Negan swayed from what they were talking about eliciting a grunt from Joel at how fast he seemed to change the topic. “I swear, just the way she looks at you—Lucille used to have the same kind of look. Where you know that she loves you. It takes my breath away.”

Watching Negan, Joel felt his throat tense up knowing that he still wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea of Negan with Y/N, “And God, with sex? I can’t get over what she’s like during sex. The way those eyes lock on yours when she’s about to give you a blowjob. There is something about the way that she gets a rise outta you first. The way she just kneels down between your legs. Those teasing touches where she palms over your thighs and down your legs to squeeze at your calves before up again. I like how she just doesn’t jump right into it, y’know? She makes it a big thing. Even when she starts to undo your belt and your pants. It’s so sexy. The want…the passion…”

“Negan?” Joel breathed out, noticing that Negan was caressing over his own thigh.

“But her actual blowjobs?” Negan growled, dramatically bobbing his head about and throwing his hands up in the air to stress his words. “God? It’s the perfect mix of firm and delicate. With the way her fingers curl around your cock. She truly worships your body. You know? Just slow, focused touches. She’s so meticulous with the way that she watches you to make sure you’re enjoying it. And the way she wets her lips with her mouth so close to your cock? Teasing the warmth of her breath over your shaft having your anticipation growing. Wanting her to take you in. And then when she starts to lick it? Treating you like you are her own personal lollipop that she is so fucking thankful for. It just leaves you begging for her to take it into her mouth. And when she plays with your balls? Christ.”

Joel felt a warmth flooding through his veins. It should have been anger, but the way Negan was saying and stressing things, Joel noticed that his heart was starting to pound inside of his chest, “By the time she finally takes you into her mouth? Fuck, you’ve already been begging for it. And the way she keeps her eyes locked on you with the warmth of her mouth just focusing on the tip? It almost feels like she tries to fucking overstimulate you to get you sensitive before she starts to really give you the blowjob. It’s incredible what she’s fucking capable of considering she’s only been with two men.”

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Joel shifted beside Negan with him continuing on, “And when she wants to be on top? Fuck me. I feel like I’m a teenage boy all over again with how excited I am. The way it feels when she finally gets the tip inside of her? Fuck, it feels so good. With the warmth of her tight pussy just clinging to you as you stretch and fill her until she takes all of you in. The way she looks is like she is experiencing the purest form of pleasure she has ever…”

“Okay,” Joel interrupted Negan reaching for the pillow that was beside him to cover his lap with it. After all of that Joel realized he was starting to get hard just with the detailed descriptions and it made him embarrassed. “Enough.”

“Did I give you a boner?” Negan chuckled with Joel’s face flushing over. A loud rumble of laughter fell from his throat with Joel shifting uneasily beside him pushing the pillow further into his lap.

“You did it on purpose,” Joel suggested feeling embarrassed with Negan so amused with what he had done. By the way Negan was talking, Joel knew that was exactly what Negan was going for. “I am attracted to her and you’re talking about something I know very well. My body liked picturing what you were selling. And you knew it would.”

“Eh, it just tells me that you’re bisexual,” Negan alerted Joel waving his hand about showing that he had indeed done it on purpose. “I was just testing things.”

“Testing things? How do you reckon I’m bisexual with me getting a hard on from you getting me to picture the woman I love doing those things?” Joel was confused, his right eyebrow arching up in curiosity.

“Because if you didn’t get an erection from me doing that I wondered if you truly were bisexual or if you had a preference for men,” Negan explained further why he did what he had done having Joel breathing heavily.

“Why do you suddenly think I’m extremely gay?” Joel scowled, his voice sounding angrier with each passing second. “Just because you’re the one that is open to fucking other men doesn’t mean I’m like you. I’ve been with one man based on conflicting emotions that I got when we had a threesome with Y/N and you’re the one who has slept with God knows how many men.”

“Right, you only slept with me because of conflicting emotions,” Negan snorted, his eyes rolling before he stood up from the couch and paced in the living room.

“It’s amazing that the internet seems to think you are this incredible ladies’ man,” Joel stood from the couch still keeping the pillow over him with one hand to hide himself from Negan. Negan moved over to the corner of the room to get himself a drink from the alcohol shelf that was there and Joel could feel a rush of anger flooding through him. “Yet you don’t have a problem with smoking pole and you do a hell of a job at it. How have you not gotten your ass beat by your team with you being…”

“Being what? Is this where you’re gonna mock me for being attracted to men?” Negan wondered, turning on his heel taking a long sip of the alcohol before hissing out. “Go for it Joel, it’s not like I haven’t heard the gay jokes before. So go ahead. Bring them on.”

Negan wiggled his fingers and it had Joel’s jaw tensing, his eyebrows bouncing up when Negan shrugged his shoulders, “Go ahead buddy. Let’s hear it. I am attracted to men, women, people in general. So if you want attack me for it, go ahead. If that makes you feel more comfortable about your sexuality, bring it on buddy. Make daddy proud.”

Joel’s lips parted like he was about to say something and Negan tipped his head to the side, raising his free hand to place it against his ear like he couldn’t hear Joel.

“That’s what I fucking thought,” Negan snarled, finishing off the glass that he poured for himself. “You want me to feel bad about myself for that? I don’t. You act like there weren’t signs of you being bisexual when we were younger which is fucking hilarious.”

“I’ve never slept with another man before you,” Joel scoffed when Negan poured himself another drink and went over to the couch to rest against the back of it. With the way Negan was looking at him, Joel immediately shook his head and cleared his throat. “I didn’t.”

“Right because jerking off with your friends was totally straight,” Negan’s voice changed, his jaw flexing when he saw a bit of color flush into Joel’s face. “Like I’m supposed to forget the two of us jerking off all the time together. How at first we’d just sit across the room from each other. And how we gradually got closer to one another until you started jerking me off and vice versa. So fucking straight.”

Joel said nothing, just lowered his head down with his lips parting, “I don’t know what got into you to make you this raging homophobe toward yourself, but your dad is dead Joel. You don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not for a man that isn’t even here anyways. If you want to say you just got excited by the porn, go for it. But we both know you paid way more attention to me jerking off than you did the porn. And let’s not forget, it was you that touched my dick first. You wanted me to fuck you so bad back then.”

Moving around the couch, Joel stared down at Negan while he finished off his drink and set the glass down, “So tell me Joel. What kind of fantasies did alpha Joel have back then? Did you want me to fuck your ass or did you want to fuck mine? It had to kill you when we were in the showers together. Seeing me naked and knowing that you had to pretend to be straight when all you wanted was to fuck me.”

A moment later, a strong amount of force yanked Negan out of the chair pulling him up to his feet. Joel had the material of Negan’s shirt balled up in his fist when Negan chuckled and shrugged, “Go ahead Joel. Beat up the queer guy. Get that straight male rage out. Prove you’re so straight that you would hurt me just for suggesting that you had feelings for me when we were younger.”

“Fuck you Negan,” Joel shoved Negan back into his chair making it tip back slightly.

“What is wrong with having feelings for another man?” Negan snarled at Joel who went over to the edge of the couch to bury his head into his hands. “You were more attracted to me than you were her when we were younger. Yet now you’re pretending that you never had an ounce of gay in you,” Negan was angry with Joel who lifted his head up from his palm to glare out at Negan. “Don’t lie. It was me you wanted to have sex with. I always wondered why you didn’t like her. She crushed on you so hard and she didn’t make it a secret. But no, it was me that you were constantly around. I always thought I saw you sneaking looks every time we were naked around each other. It also makes sense why it infuriated you that I was saving my virginity for the woman that I was in love with. Why you always fucked with me and made me feel bad about my relationship with Y/N.”

“I wasn’t gay,” Joel stressed with a rumble of an angered sound. “I’m not gay.”

“I never said you were. I’m suggesting that you’re a bisexual struggling with your sexuality,” Negan growled, his eyes narrowing with Joel’s breathing growing louder. “Notice you don’t deny what I’m saying. It was me that you had a crush on. And then you fucked her to get back at me. It was then you realized just how fucking perfect she really was. I don’t blame you for that because she was pure and everything right in the world. But pretending you’re this straight homophobic piece of shit is ridiculous. Maybe your father was like that, but you’re not. Being attracted to me sexually doesn’t negate your feelings for her either. You can still be head over heels in love with her and still want to explore that part of you.”

Standing up from the chair that he was in, Negan moved across the living room and stepped before Joel, “You can do that because she gave us permission. She gave you permission, but you’re scared. It doesn’t upset her.”

“Yeah Negan. What do you want me to say?” Joel bit back an angered breath. “Yes, I liked you. I liked you so fucking much. And I knew I wasn’t supposed to. I knew it was wrong. When we started doing things together, you hadn’t done anything with Y/N yet because she was too fucking young. But I wasn’t stupid. While she was always in love with me, you were always in love with her and I…”

Tipping his head to the side, Joel rolled his eyes and forced himself to keep his head down while he rubbed at the back of his head, “You’re right. I always liked you. But you know just as much as I do what happened to me. So being this way with me is cruel. Stop mocking me for the way that I felt. The way that I feel because my father beat the shit outta me Negan. You know that. I had to pretend everything was fake or else I lost everything. And you dropped it just as quick. Liking you led to me getting my ass kicked by someone I loved. Someone I thought was a good man. So please stop mocking me.”

“Joel,” Negan breathed, backing off with Joel getting upset about what happened when they were younger. “That wasn’t my intention. I just want you to be able to be yourself.”

“It’s hard,” Joel stressed, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. “You saw me. You knew how much he hurt me. So please give me a break if I’m taking my time opening up to the idea of being attracted to women and…you. Because liking you got me punished. Real bad.”

“You’re right,” Negan swallowed down hard, giving Joel a firm nod. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about it like that. I’m fucking sorry.”

Nodding his head, Joel tried not to get emotional about everything when he shrugged his shoulders, “Yeah, I was jealous that you were head over heels in love with Y/N. I wanted you to like me. And I did what I did because you embarrassed me, but I’m telling you the truth when I say that falling in love with her? That wasn’t against you. I told her and she doesn’t believe me, but I questioned if I was gay or straight for a long time. I just knew that I wasn’t right. And then this one time in class I was talking to our friends on the team and I saw her smile while talking to someone in the front row. It took my breath away. And then when we slept together? The way it felt, the way she looked at me? I fell immediately. So it wasn’t to hurt you. I felt things for you. I feel things for you. Things I wasn’t allowed to follow through with, but I fell deeply in love with her. And that wasn’t a vendetta against you.”

“I believe you,” Negan stammered, his hazel eyes narrowing with him caressing down over the side of his own face. “I saw the way that the two of you looked at one another. I’m not stupid. Nor am I blind. But the Lucille stuff?”

“We got carried away,” Joel didn’t have a good enough reason for what happened with them back then. “We were close, she was beautiful. I don’t know what to tell you Negan. We both have good taste I guess? It wasn’t about having a vendetta. I was always jealous of you Negan, we both know that. But…”

Stepping before Joel, Negan’s eyes locked with his and he outstretched his hands. Placing them in over the center of Joel’s chest, Negan caressed down over the lengths of his abdomen. Stopping at Joel’s belt, Negan started to work it open having Joel swallowing loudly, “I know Joel…”

Sliding his hand over the front of Joel’s pants, Negan cupped Joel in his palm with Joel watching closely. Closing the distance between them, Negan’s breath was warm against the side of his neck and it had Joel’s eyes coming to a tight close. Working open Joel’s pants, Negan was rough in the way he got the material of Joel’s jeans and his boxer briefs down in the front allowing Joel’s rigid manhood to bounce free from its confines. Firmly curling his fingers around Joel’s shaft had Joel groaning out when Negan’s started caressing over his body. Sheathing Joel’s cock again and again had Joel panting against the side of his neck.

“You don’t have to be mad at yourself for liking me. It was never a problem that you did,” Negan bit at Joel’s chin area before pressing kisses up over Joel’s jawline. “Your dad was an asshole. You’re not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re so angry at the world because you were never truly allowed to thrive mainly because of your parents. Stop being so angry Joel and allow yourself the things that you want. Together we can all work to break down this wall you had to put up to hide behind. Behind it’s helping no one. Y/N is okay if you like me. I’m okay with it. Allow yourself to be okay with it.”

“I’m such a fucking mess,” Joel confessed, sucking in a sharp breath of air with Negan starting to pepper kisses against the side of his neck.

“Yeah? So am I,” Negan scoffed, his hand continuing to caress over Joel’s flesh, “You should just allow yourself to be pampered by the two people you want most in the world.”

“You don’t understand,” Joel winced, biting down on his lip. It felt like the room was spinning around him and he had to close his eyes.

“I understand why you think you need to do what you are,” Negan stated pulling his hand from Joel’s length having Joel whine when he did it. “I just don’t agree with your decisions.”

Dropping carefully to his knees, avoiding hurting his bad knee, Negan grabbed a firm hold of Joel’s pants tugging them down. Stumbling to stay on his feet, Joel breathed heavily with his eyes lowering down to watch Negan. Pushing up at Joel’s button down and his white t-shirt, Negan kissed at the area below Joel’s belly button. Compared to what he was used to, it felt different with Negan’s short beard teasing at his flesh.

Palming down in over Joel’s hips elicited a sharp exhale from Joel. Sliding his hands around Joel’s hips, Negan grasped at Joel’s fleshy bottom and slid his hands down to the back of Joel’s thighs before up again. Nipping at the area just below Joel’s belly button had his hand lifting to sink into Negan’s thick hair.

“Please,” Joel stammered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. Tipping his head back, Negan dragged his bottom lip up the length of Joel’s hip toward his lower abdomen again. The way Joel’s big brown eyes were focused on him made Negan smile. “Please Negan, I need this.”

“Look at you begging,” Negan muttered arrogantly, his eyes narrowing with Joel sounding and looking incredibly desperate. Giving a single nod, Negan adjusted his knee so he’d be more comfortable. Each stroke of Negan’s hand over Joel’s cock grew quicker going from base to tip. Feeling Joel slightly bouncing his hips forward with every movement of Negan’s hand over his uncut cock made an amused rumble fall from Negan. “See, if you just accept yourself as you are, you don’t have to worry about begging me to suck your cock Joel. You can just have it and not feel guilty.”

Joel’s face grew tense when Negan extended his tongue out, tapping Joel’s cock against the wet, warmth of it. Involuntarily, Joel’s hips flexed bringing his hips closer to Negan who snickered against his flesh. The sensation drew chills down Joel’s spine and he tugged harder at Negan’s hair.

Catching onto the frustration, Negan started to press wet kisses over the tip of Joel’s swollen member. Every caress of his lips over Joel’s sensitive flesh grew stronger until Negan took Joel into the warmth of his mouth. One hand squeezed at Joel’s hips while the other stroked over Joel’s shaft. Together his hand and mouth worked in unison to provide Joel with as much pleasure as he could. Taking Joel further back into his throat had Joel’s head tipping back with a raspy moan falling from him. Negan was taking his time letting his tongue tease over every ridge of Joel’s cock and he felt like this was big for Joel since he was allowing himself to be more open to the person he wanted to be.

Wet sounds filled the air as Joel started to unhurriedly thrust his hips forward toward Negan’s throat. By the pressure that was over his hip, Joel knew that Negan wanted to control this tempo, but it was almost instinctive to meet those movements.

Even though Negan knew Joel was excited to explore this whole thing, when Joel started to thrust his hips just a bit too hard it had Negan pulling back with a wet popping sound. It drew out a disappointed grunt from Joel who was breathing loudly.

Unexpectedly, Joel reached down to grab a firm hold of Negan. How easily he pulled Negan up onto his feet surprised Negan. Balling Negan’s shirt up into his grasp had Negan falling forward bringing them closer together.

Eagerly, Joel moved forward to bring their lips together in a forceful kiss that shocked Negan. Grunting against Joel’s mouth, Negan realized there was some sense of Joel trying to show dominance in the moment, but he was too focused on that instead of allowing things to feel good.

“Dial it down a notch,” Negan instructed, pulling his mouth away from Joel to drag his thumb across Joel’s bottom lip. Collecting the dampness that was there, Negan shook his head and hushed Joel. “We’re both alpha males, but we don’t have to beat the shit out of each other to make a point. Slow down. For fucks sake. Allow yourself to enjoy things.”

“I’m new to this,” Joel defended himself, taking Negan’s thumb between his lips to flick his tongue out against the tip of it. A deep rumble of a moan escaped Negan with his eyelids growing heavy. Fuck, he wondered if Joel realized how much that turned him on.

“You can’t be this rough with Y/N, are you?” Negan inquired finding himself completely impressed when Joel took his thumb into his mouth. Trying to keep it together, Negan felt his heart skip a beat with the way that Joel was sucking faintly at his thumb and then nibbled at the tip.

“Sometimes,” Joel breathed loudly, his eyes heavy with lust in the moment.

“Well chill the fuck out,” Negan snickered looking down between them. Shoving Joel had him tripping over his own pants that were hooked around his ankles. Falling back onto the couch, Joel grunted with Negan shaking his head. “There is a storm outside, we have time to explore this.”

Pulling at his own shirt, Negan raised it above his head stretching out his long torso when he tossed the material aside on the floor. Adjusting the waistband of his black athletic pants, Negan watched as Joel fumbled to open his button-down shirt that he was wearing.

“How is this supposed to work?” Joel gulped down with a pant, struggling to get the material from his body. “I don’t know what to do with this whole poly thing.”

“It’s the three of us sharing each other mutually. No anger. No jealousy. She can have you or me. You can have me or her. And so on,” Negan stated, sucking at his bottom lip. With a crooked smirk, Negan knew that this would be a hard thing to agree upon, but he felt like it was the most positive outcome for them all. “That way, we’re all happy.”

“And she’s okay with that?” Joel inquired grabbing the bottom of his t-shirt. Pulling it from his body, Joel tossed it aside. Going to work off his pants, Joel let out a tremoring breath when Negan motioned him to stop. Lowering down, Negan grabbed a hold of the material and tossed them to the ground with a thud.

“Have you been listening to her?” Negan wondered, holding his finger up to motion Joel to wait. Moving down the hallway, Joel wondered if he should have been following Negan who soon returned to the living room after shoving something into his pocket. Stepping before Joel had Joel’s chocolate brown eyes lifting up to stare at Negan. Shakily leaning forward, Joel’s fingers made contact with the side of Negan’s hurt leg and it had Negan sucking in a sharp breath of air. Rubbing his cheek in over Negan’s thigh through the material of his pants, Joel closed his eyes with Negan stroking his fingers through his thick hair, “I think once you learn to accept who you are, you’re going to love yourself so much more Joel.”

“I don’t even know who I am,” Joel admitted with a tremoring breath. It was true. There was so much about himself that Joel didn’t understand.

“And that’s what we have to work on,” Negan hummed stroking his fingers over the back of Joel’s neck. “First, you have to stop hating yourself for things you can’t control. Feelings you’ve had since you were a teenager.”

“I hate myself for just about everything,” Joel confessed, tipping his head back to meet Negan’s eyes with his big puppy dog stare. “You don’t understand…”

“I do. I understand hating yourself very much,” Negan swept his thumb in over Joel’s jaw realizing how eager Joel was to have Negan touch him. “That’s not a new feeling for me Joel. It’s been there my whole life too.”

Clasping Joel’s jaw between his thumb and index finger, Negan bit down on his bottom lip and nodded toward the couch, “Lay down with your head resting on the arm of the couch.”

Obeying, Joel lazily stretched out on the couch doing as he was instructed. His mouth went dry with Negan palming over the front of his pants gazing over Joel’s body, “Are you a top or a bottom?”

“Neither, I like both,” Negan responded with a wrinkle of his nose. “Both have their merits and both feel really fucking good when done right. Both fucking take a certain talent. Focus. Relaxation. Preparation. Each provides different kinds of pleasure.”

Moving to the couch, Negan got on his knees over Joel hovering over Joel’s chest. Pushing down the waistband of his athletic pants in the front, Negan allowed his semi-erect cock to pull from the material. Touching himself, Negan felt a rush of excitement at the way Joel’s dark eyes gazed over his body.

“You seemed to like both the other night,” Negan reminded Joel of their time together in New York. The reminder had Joel’s face growing hot with red flooding into his cheeks at the reminder of them sleeping together. “Wet your lips.”

Glaring up at Negan, Joel was dramatic in the way he did it and Negan sank his fingers firmly into Joel’s hair, “This dick isn’t gonna suck itself.”

Outstretching his arm, a firm smack filled the air followed by a groan from Negan after Joel hit him. Wincing, Negan rubbed at the side of his face. There was a pinging sensation from the hit and Negan rolled his eyes. Returning the gesture, Negan smacked at the side of Joel’s face. It was enough power to make a point with Joel hissing beneath him.

Bracing his left hand in over the arm of the couch, Negan licked his lips while leaning forward. Curling his fingers at the base of his own cock, Negan placed the tip of his manhood at Joel’s lips hearing Joel’s breathing getting louder. Parting his lips, Joel allowed Negan to push his length into the warmth of his mouth. Circling Negan’s girth with his lips, Joel’s eyes closed with him attempting to deliver to Negan what he liked with a blowjob.

“That’s it,” Negan hummed starting to thrust his hips toward the warmth of Joel’s wet mouth allowing his cock to grow fully rigid with Joel pleasuring him. “Don’t forget to use your tongue.”

Tipping his head back, Negan moaned with Joel listening to his direction. This was what Negan assumed was Joel’s first time really giving a blowjob, so it really wasn’t that bad for a first time. Dropping his head back, Joel’s wet lips kissed at the shiny tip of Negan’s cock getting a growl from the man over him. “You have nice lips, y’know that?”

“I got a lot of nice things,” Joel breathed with a weak smirk pressing another wet kiss at the underside of Negan’s erection. Getting up from over Joel, Negan stood at the side of the couch. Digging into his pocket, Negan pulled out a condom and some lube which had a breath catching in Joel’s throat. Holding out the condom, Negan waited for Joel to grab it. Accepting the condom, Joel swallowed down hard with Negan kicking out of his athletic pants. Holding onto the condom, Joel considered it for a while until lifting the condom back up toward Negan. “I want you to be the top.”

“Are you sure?” Negan inquired, his eyebrows furrowing after taking the package back from Joel. Setting it aside, Negan wiggled his fingers motioning Joel to lay on his stomach. “I need to prep you like last time.”

Carefully rolling over, Joel got comfortable and let out a long exhale. The warmth of Negan moving in over him had his eyes coming to a tight close. Negan was cautious with the way that he moved over Joel starting with caressing over Joel’s shoulders to get him relaxed, “That’s not what I thought you were going to focus on.”

“You wanna loosen up all around before this,” Negan commented working on Joel’s tight muscles. Grumbling Joel buried his head further down enjoying the way that it felt. Sinking into the couch, Joel realized that it had been a very long time since he had anyone doing this for him.

“You keep doing this and I’m going to fall asleep,” Joel alerted Negan with a tired breath finding himself getting too comfortable. “What happens after we do this?”

“What do you want to happen?” Negan inquired, the warmth of his breath hovering in over Joel’s shoulder. Depositing faint kisses there, Negan listened to the sounds that Joel was making to see if he seemed comfortable. “Depends on you I guess. I love Y/N, it’s not gonna change. She means everything to me. I’m still gonna be attracted to you. I’m open to trying something between the three of us. See where it goes.”

Once Negan started caressing over Joel’s lower back it had Joel looking over his shoulder. A chill ran up Joel’s spine with Negan’s hands dragging down over Joel’s sides, “Are you safe with sex?”

“I’d like to think I was safe,” Negan responded reaching out to grab the bottle of lubrication that he had brought with him. “I don’t ever try to hurt anyone, but you never know what someone is comfortable with.”

“Not what I mean,” Joel turned his upper half, his jaw flexing when Negan started to squeeze at Joel’s ass. An involuntary moan escaped Joel’s throat with the way that Negan was touching him, surprising even Joel in that moment. “I mean, do you wear condoms?”

“I have only slept with three people without a condom,” Negan alerted Joel with a wrinkle of his nose having Joel lower back down onto his stomach. “I also am checked out all the time by a healthcare professional with my job.”

“Lucille, Y/N and…?” Joel waited for the answer having Negan snort when he heard it. “What?”

“Are you forgetting the other night all together?” Negan stammered, his eyes narrowing with Joel turning onto his side to look back at him. “You were kind of eager at the apartment the other night. I was in my pajamas, you didn’t have condoms, it was meant to be a family trip…”

“Oh,” Joel’s lips were parted as Negan made an amused expression. “I didn’t think about that. Why are you doing it now?”

“Because practicing safe sex is a good thing?” Negan suggested, his right eyebrow arching in curiosity. “Not saying that you’re dirty or anything, but…”

“Got it,” Joel retorted with a rumble, his head lowering with Negan continuing to palm at his fleshy bottom.

“I kind of assumed after the threesome it was okay…” Negan’s words lingered and the sound of the lid of the lube opening was heard. Breathing loudly, Joel’s eyes squeezed shut tighter with the sensation of the cool liquid dripping down over his body. “What about you?”

“Just…uh…two,” Joel breathed against his arm, biting down on his bottom lip. It sounded kind of ridiculous thinking about it, but he never trusted someone enough to do that with them. Especially when he already had two children, “And you’re the second so…”

“Boy scout,” Negan joked, bringing his palm down firmly over Joel’s ass provoking a wince from his throat. “You have such a nice ass.”

“Jealous?” Joel smirked with an amused rumble. Another firm smack over his bottom caused him to grunt this time.

“I have a nice ass too, mine just isn’t so big,” Negan defended himself with a growl, circling his fingers at Joel’s pucker having Joel clench up before him. “Relax or nothing will feel good. If this isn’t what you want, I’ll happily switch with you.”

Doing as he was told, Joel bit down on his bottom lip with Negan’s fingers pressing into him. It had Joel wrapping his arms around the throw pillow that was there. Truth was? Negan was very gentle. And probably very good at getting him prepared. Most people could only be so lucky to have Negan be the first person they slept with in this case.

“I think Y/N wishes you would have been her first,” Joel admitted getting a quiet laugh from Negan behind him. Warmth pressed in over the side of his neck as Negan’s lips descended down over it. “You’re good at what you do.”

“If I would have been her first, I was a virgin then too,” Negan reminded Joel with a smirk, nipping gently at the skin over Joel’s neck. “It might have been careful and gentle, but it probably wouldn’t have been great. Lucille let me know that I could use some work.”

A low rumble of a moan escaped Joel and he turned his head a certain way so Negan could pamper the side of his neck with kisses, “But you knew Y/N’s body better than Lucille’s.”

“Regardless, no one is perfect their first time,” Negan defended, nuzzling his nose at the area right behind Joel’s ear. Shudders flooded Joel’s body and he sucked in a sharp breath of air. “What was meant to happen, happened.”

Arching his back, Joel let out another moan with Negan’s fingers preparing him with finesse. The sensation of Negan’s fingers leaving his body had him breathing unevenly, panting even. A force pushed at his body to get him back onto his back with Negan hovering over him. Grabbing the condom again, Negan worked open the package and then took his time putting the condom on. Pouring a decent amount of lube into his hand, Negan worked it over his body and reached for Joel’s legs. Placing them in over his shoulders, Negan adjusted Joel the way he wanted him. Beneath him Joel seemed nervous and it had Negan pausing.

“This isn’t your first time,” Negan reminded Joel with a smirk reaching between them to line his body up with Joel’s. “You obviously liked it enough to want it a second time.”

“I wasn’t looking at you last time,” Joel countered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat with his right hand lowering to loosely hook his fingers around Negan’s wrist.

“Well I’d rather look at your pretty face with those big brown eyes,” Negan pushed forward, sinking some of his length into Joel’s tight opening. Exhaling loudly, Joel lifted his head and Negan shook his head. Allowing Joel to keep his fingers wrapped around his wrist, Negan braced his other hand on the arm of the couch. Starting off slow, Negan’s lips parted with his eyes rolling back to a close. A muscle flexed in Negan’s jaw and Joel was more so focused on Negan’s face rather than how things felt. Once things started to get a bit faster and harder with the smacking of their skin, Joel found himself moaning involuntarily with his head dropping back. “Is this everything you wanted when we were younger?”

“Negan,” Joel frowned hating that they were going back to their earlier conversation.

“Stop pretending you didn’t want this,” Negan demanded, his hips smacking harder up against Joel drawing gasps from his throat. “Is this what you pictured?”

“You’re hotter now,” Joel winced, his fingers squeezing around Negan’s wrist.

“You’re hotter now,” Negan repeated with a wrinkle of his nose, amused with the response he got out of Joel. “You prefer the alpha male as opposed to the twink?”

“Yes,” Joel swallowed down hard, his eyes rolling back to a close with the sensations Negan was drawing out of him. Dropping his other hand, Joel curled his fingers around his cock and caressed in tempo with Negan’s thrusts. “I just liked your personality. I liked how you didn’t take…”

Joel moaned out loudly, his hand pumping faster over his length with Negan plunging into him time and time again, “anyone’s shit.”

“The fact I had a big cock didn’t hurt either,” Negan mused with a grunt, pressing faint kisses at Joel’s leg.

“I wouldn’t have cared what your cock looked like,” Joel growled having Negan drop Joel’s legs down so he could crawl in closer to Joel. Bracing Joel’s thighs over his hips Negan made sure he could bring their lips together in a heated kiss. Brushing his tongue out against Joel’s had Joel groaning into his mouth. “Harder.”

“No,” Negan shook his head knowing that he was already moving as hard and fast as he thought Joel could take being new to this whole thing. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“You’re infuriating,” Joel curled his fingers around the back of Negan’s neck to bring their mouths together again in a powerful movement with both of them fighting for some kind of dominance in the kiss. Pushing his hand aside, Negan curled his fingers around Joel’s length now pumping his hand over Joel’s distended flesh. “Fuck…”

“There we go…” Negan panted, with Joel dropping his head back against the pillow. Hovering his lips in over Joel’s, Negan felt the first splash of Joel’s cum at his lower abdomen followed by the next few ropes of it covering both his and Joel’s chests. Caressing him until the very end of his orgasm, Negan then focused on his own release working to build himself up until he finally did come with a roar. Allowing his hips to come to falter, Negan pressed a lingering kiss over Joel’s lips and then carefully pulled away. Working the condom from his body, Negan disappeared into the kitchen to throw it away. Returning he saw that Joel’s abdomen was sinking and rising repeatedly from breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath. “Why didn’t you just tell me you liked me?”

Tapping at Joel’s legs, Negan dropped down at the other side of the couch and stroked his fingers over the length of them. Waiting for an answer, Negan made a dramatic expression with Joel rolling his eyes, “You were head over heels in love with Y/N and vice versa. You two were my best friends. And I knew that she had a crush on me. I don’t know. It was embarrassing. “

“Why be a dick?” Negan was still looking for answers from their past. Joel brushed his fingers through his wet, messy hair to slick it back. “You know what Y/N meant to me.”

“I was the most popular kid in school. I had an image to uphold and you embarrassed me. They expected me to do something to get back at you,” Joel reasoned with Negan, throwing his hands up in the air. “I didn’t expect to fall in love with Y/N, but I did. Very much so.”

“I know,” Negan sighed loudly, curling his fingers around Joel’s foot to give it a tight squeeze.

“I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me for what I’ve done,” Joel confessed with a saddened expression. Sweeping his fingers over the inside of Negan’s thigh had Negan’s head tipping to the side. “I had so many chances and I blew them Negan.”

“You have two things going for you that will never keep her away from you,” Negan pointed out, curling his other arm around the back of his neck to get more comfortable. Joel waited for the answer and Negan clearly thought it was obvious. “Liz and Peter.”

“She loves you though,” Joel claimed with a shake of his head.

“And I love her,” Negan stated firmly with his dimples becoming more prominent. “Nothing is gonna change that for me. That doesn’t negate her feelings for you though. She always told me that she still loved you and I always told her that I was okay with that.”

“I am such a fuckup though,” Joel realized feeling guilty that everything played out the way it did.

“You weren’t always,” Negan noted remembering what the two of them were like when they were younger. “Everyone in this town wanted to fucking have a relationship like the two of you. Losing your parents hurt your mental health and you’re doing your best. Now you’re aware of your actions and it’s up to you to work those feelings out. Test the waters and make things right.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Joel admitted, sliding further down on the couch so that way they were closer to one another.

“Nothing is easy in this life Joel,” Negan vowed, his free hand placing in over the center of his chest that was still damp with sweat. “You just have to do your best and that’s all you can do.” 

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