#everything else i've listed i've been able to at least see how they relate

[ranchstoryblog]

Fandom Memories: HMFarm

Hmmm. So, nearly a quarter of you whippersnappers wanna hear about the good ol' days, huh? Well, back in the day, you wouldn't just hang out on one or two big websites to try to find people who shared your niche interests among a million random users. Everything had its own dedicated site, with its own special pack of weirdos that you probably wouldn't find anywhere else. Home grown fandom, sprouting from the cement sidewalks of the freshly paved internet like so many weeds with pretty little flowers on top. So, let's take a little stroll down memory lane and visit one of the oldest fan sites with Archive.org's "Wayback Machine."

Ahh, just like I remember it. This here is "Harvest Moon Farm." 'course, we just called it HMFarm, like the URL did. This used to be the place to be. The prime progenitor of all farmin' fansites in the English speaking community. Maybe not the literal first, but up until around 2005, this was where you would go if you wanted to know anythin' about digital farmin'. It truly was a magical place to visit.

This screenshot isn't the oldest design, but it's the one I fondly remember. The majority of my time using the site was during the lead-up to A Wonderful Life, which was probably also when it was the most active as an information source. Seeing the screenshots, checking the forums, speculatin', wonderin', dreamin'... It's a warm feeling. I can't really describe how it felt to look at these shots for the first time. Granted, they were mostly sourced from various places like IGN or Newtechnix, but who wanted to go to THOSE messy sites when all the info I wanted was right here? IGN wasn't telling me how to revive the Vineyard in Harvest Moon 64 while I was waiting for AWL news either.

Our first look at the character we would come to know as Muffy, the sheer novelty of being able to go into the townsfolk's glorious, 3D-rendered rooms, the apparent misidentification of flowering tomatoes... The webmaster, Gamergirl87, would caption each one as well. Some of the captions of those screenshots ended up not being exactly true, but it was the closest thing to on-going coverage we really had. Who else was there to trust?

It's a little off topic, but I think at one point after learning about the GBA connectivity, I must have dreamed about this very gallery and seeing a screenshot of a Gamecube-ized Popuri with the caption that Mineral Town villagers would visit after connecting the GC and GBA together. At least, I'm pretty sure it was a dream. I've met some people who claim they saw the same thing, but none of us have been able to find that screenshot or comment again.

The one that would most catch my attention was the one on the left here. I didn't have a PlayStation 2, so I was coming fresh off of the GameBoy and Nintendo 64 when going into A Wonderful Life. The pond, the mysterious glowing plants, the mood and ambiance of their lighting, the little tree on the door... Naturally, I mirrored it on my first day the remake was available.

It's a real shame that the message boards are poorly preserved, since it doesn't look like there was a news post about the pre-order plush cow. I was hoping to find the name of whoever it was that convinced me to commit my first ever preorder. I still have the receipt, but without the forum post it's really only tangentially related to HM Farm.

'course, just learning about existing games and upcoming games wasn't the only good thing HM Farm was for. As I alluded to, there was a whole community here! While it's a shame that the message boards aren't well preserved by the Wayback Machine, you know what is?

The "ideas" list! This incredible time capsule was one of the first "interactive" parts of the site, starting in the year 2000. It's kind of fun to see how many of these ideas actually happened. Obviously, new characters and personalities were probably expected, but Animal Parade would eventually feature a honeymoon, several games have clothing and other customization, a mall, city, and pig would be added as soon as GBC 3, a goat would be in A Wonderful Life... It's actually amazing how prescient a lot of the suggestions are.

I'd share the whole thing, but the amount of e-mail addresses involved gives me pause. Still, there's a couple I wanna highlight:

Considering how often I still hear about people wanting to marry the moms and people attributing it to just "the fans getting older," it's funny to see Laserion lay out that, no, we've always been like this. Right down to using Manna's unhappy marriage and Lillia's husband never returning as valid reasons they should be available.

Tuan145, on the other hand, I just find extremely amusing because of the specific "2002 Escalade" part. Yes, this is clearly the ideal vehicle for all farmers in the Story of Seasons universe. This is now accepted headcanon. The boat was added in GBC 3 too, so obviously a 2002 Escalade is going to be added any day now.

Another thing that's amazingly well preserved is the site's fan art section. There's a few missing images here and there, but for the most part the entire thing is open to explore. People of basically all ages and skill levels happily submitted their creations, including original characters, digital art, traditional art, crossovers with popular series like Sailor Moon, a liiittle bit of drug use... Y'know, all the kinds of things you'd expect to see in a fan art gallery of the day.

Even better, some of the artists are still doing art today! Looking around, I quickly discovered one of my favorites, Rina Cat, is now on Blue Sky. I made sure to ask for permission to repost their art before including it here. Reaching out to everyone would be a bit much though, so I'll just encourage you to just browse the gallery using the Wayback Machine yourself. There's poetry and fanfics too!

There's a lot more to the site, including useful bits of history like keeping track of release dates for games, pre-release screenshots, and information that was only available on Japanese websites at the time, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Unfortunately, though the site continued to be updated until 2010 and stayed online until 2021, it's no longer available on the regular internet and the URL doesn't seem safe to access anymore. I wanted to include an interview with the former webmaster as well, but all their readily available contact information was tied to the website and I haven't had any luck so far in finding other means of contact. If I have any success, I'll be sure to make a follow-up! If you have any memories of HMFarm, or other fan sites, I'd be happy to hear about it.

[amethystina]

Hi there! I don’t know if you’ve ever answered something like this before, but since you have such great writing skills and a nice taste (and by nice I mean similar to mine lol) in ships, I was wondering what your favorite books are (top 5, maybe?).

And since your latest ships seem to have a pattern, are there any books you’ve read that feature similar dynamics?

That being said, with the ending of The Right Set of Circumstances and Who Holds the Devil being far from concluded, I’m really looking forward to A New Dawn or anything Gahan-related.

Hope you’re feeling a little better! Congrats on your skills; I really appreciate them.

I have not answered a question like this before, no. But, as a librarian, I am of course delighted to do so! Reading is one of my biggest hobbies and I make sure to read at least 20 books a year. It has been a tradition for the last nine-ten years or so (and that's not counting any of the fanfics I might partake in as well).

I just think that, as a writer, it's important to have input as well as output. A writer who doesn't read may be perfectly servicable, but they will stagnate sooner or later. They might be creative enough not to run out of ideas, but they'll be stuck with the same vocabulary and understanding of whatever language they're writing in for the rest of their career. So, to me, reading is vital in keeping my writing engaging and exciting. And it's especially important for someone like me who's writing in a language that's not my native tongue. If I didn't read copious amounts, I wouldn't know even half of the words currently in my vocabulary — let alone how to use them.

But, with that said, I'm terrible at listing my favourite books. Not because I don't have favourites — I most certainly do — but because I have a hard time listing things. I can't accurately compare many of the books I've read because they're from so many different genres and have offered me wildly different experiences. It's the same with movies, TV shows, and practically everything else I like. It's incredibly rare for me to be able to definitively say which ones are my Top 5. It's just not something my brain is capable of doing, it seems, unless it's narrowed down to a small enough scope that I can see the full picture.

Another thing about the books I read is that they don't always match what I write. Some of the books I love the most aren't even close to what I, myself, want to write. And I've found that, with books, I focus less on the tropes and dynamics than, say, what joy they bring me or what they can teach me about writing. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that while several of my ships have a pattern (I am, apparently, into age differences? Who knew?) the books I like do not. Or not to the same degree, I guess? There are some that come kind of close that I can pick out from my pile of favourites, sure, but they're not the majority. I think I'm just more broad in my tastes in books than I am in my taste of ships and haven't made an effort — nor do I want — to try and combine the two.

BUT YEAH. With that very long explanation out of the way, here are a couple of books that are important to me for one reason or another. They're not ranked, nor are they flawless pieces of literature — and not everyone will like them — but they gave me something and that's what matters to me.

Luck in the Shadows by Lynn Flewelling — If someone asked me for my favourite fantasy series, nine times out of ten, this would be my answer. I found this at a point in my life when I was dying for an engaging fantasy epic and this delivered in every single way that I wanted. It's complex, has great world-building, lovely characters, is full of intrigue, and is also gay. What's not to love? I absolutely devoured the first three books in this series. That said, it features some heavy themes and I haven't actually read all of the books yet so I can't guarantee that it stays good all the way through. But based on what I've read so far? Fucking outstanding.

Red Leaves by Thomas H. Cook — By no means the best book I've ever read, but it taught me a lot about unreliable narrators, characterisation, how to pace and angle a story, and how important words actually are when writing. How certain choices can affect not just the story you're telling, but the emotions of the reader. This book focuses on a man whose teenage son is suspected of having kidnapped a little girl and just what that does to his view of his son, their relationship, and himself as a father. It's truly fascinating with a focus on the psychological that I truly enjoy. It also taught me a thing or two about gut-punching twists. So there's that.

Days Without End by Sebastian Barry — This book is an Experience. And I mean that in the best way possible. This book isn't for everyone since it's slow and ambling and not the easiest to read, but dear LORD is it amazing. Never, in my entire life, have I read a book so atmospheric. I shit you not when I say that I had to read it with an accent to get the syntax and rhythm of the sentences right. It is pitch-perfect. And crafted so meticulously that my head kind of spins when I think about it. This was the book that made me see how important rhythm, cadence, and word choices are because they can, in fact, influence the reading experience to the point where it feels like the author is taking you by the hand and gently guiding you down the path of the story. And that's something I've tried to incorporate in my own writing, to the best of my abilities. A tip from my wife: If this book feels difficult in text format, read it on audiobook instead since, at least in the version she listened to, the narrator had the correct accent which made the whole thing a lot easier.

Blood Harvest by Sharon J. Bolton — The book that has probably scared me the most in my entire life. And it's not even a horror? But, again, it's all about the atmosphere and the fact that some of the sections are told from the POV of a young boy and you can't really be sure if he's a reliable narrator but if he is then what the ever-loving fuck is going on in this town? That's scarier than ghosts to me. Very eerie, well-crafted, and with the bonus of a disabled main character. But it does also feature quite heavy and disturbing subjects (child sexual abuse, to name one) so please be careful.

The Good Son by Jeong You-Jeong — This is a slow, claustrophobic, and ambling descent into insanity and I absolutely love it. The focus is on the characters, their relationships, and the slow unravelling of both. As with most Korean literature, it's very contained and direct, without too much flowery language, and I think that definitely works in its favour. The steady growing unease and tension are exquisite and I appreciate the focus that's put on the main character's thoughts, actions, and behaviour. It's exactly the kind of thing you'd expect me to enjoy if you've read my fanfics. Also, incidentally, Yo Han is going to recommend this book to Ga On in The Devil's Due (if I ever get to writing it) because Yo Han is a fucking menace who loves to push Ga On's buttons and twist his perception. You'll understand what I mean if you read it.

The Circle by Mats Strandberg and Sara Bergmark Elfgren — This is a Swedish young adult series that is so good but also so unnerving. Because it doesn't shy away from difficult subjects and knows how to ramp up the tension and suspense in a way that's truly masterful. I also appreciate that it's very female-focused and that the characters are far from flawless. Some of their actions are outright problematic, even abhorrent. But the beauty of this series is that that's the point. They're supposed to be flawed and they're supposed to make the wrong decisions — because they're human. This book is about a group of human teenage girls put in an extraordinary situation and, as you might expect, the results may vary. I truly recommend it to people who want to learn a bit more about flawed characters and, again, unreliable narrators.

___

Those are all books that have influenced my writing but if you want a list more focused on romance of the M/M variety (which, admittedly, is what I read the most) where at least some lean towards the same dynamics I have for my ships, here are some favourites. The majority of them are of the historical or fantasy variety because that's just where my heart truly lies. I know that doesn't show in my own writing, but that has more to do with my own performance anxiety than anything else, I think. I haven't really dared to dabble too much in those genres.

And so, without further ado:

The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting by K.J. Charles — Or just books by K. J. Charles in general, I guess? They're delightful, down-to-earth, and easy to read. The characters feel like actual people and not everyone is drop-dead gorgeous all the time. I've been reading a lot of her works lately because they give me just what I want and bring me a lot of comfort.

The Soldier's Scoundrel by Cat Sebastian — Or, again, just books by Cat Sebastian in general. She, too, has a very nice grasp on characters, tone, and can build a really nice story that's not dependent on unnecessary drama. They're comfortable and nice and I love them.

The Ghost Wore Yellow Socks by Josh Lanyon — Another writer whose works I really enjoy, though the focus here is usually contemporary suspense and murder mysteries. Of the kind that manages to feel urgent and tense but without turning dark and gory — which I appreciate. Also, Josh Lanyon has perfected dry, sarcastic humour into an art. One I am very jealous of, not going to lie.

The Capital by A. H. Lee — I ploughed through this series. Like, I don't even know what happened? It's a fantasy story with intrigue and necromancy and amazing characters and magic and lovely world-building. This, for example, is one of the few books I've read where the social issues of LGBTQIA+ rights are touched upon in a fantasy setting. I really liked that. I'm probably going to re-read this series during 2025.

Kill Game by Cordelia Kingsbridge — This is another contemporary series about a serial killer and the cops who hunt said serial killer. So this is a bit darker but, boy, is it a ride. The series is a bit of a slow burn that bleeds into established relationship as it progresses and I just love that shit. Also, it took me until, like, book four (of five) before I could pinpoint who the killer was which is really impressive. Usually, I can do so within the first third of a story. It did drag at times, but the time you get to spend getting to know the characters makes up for that, I think.

Peter Darling by Austin Chant — I adore this book. It's a delicious, wonderful enemies-to-lovers that honestly made me go a little feral. But in a soft way, if that's possible? This book made me feel creative and excited and I was so invested in the characters and the slow build of attraction and awareness between them. I felt high after I finished it. I don't know if anyone else will feel that way (I might just have been very excited that day xD) but it worked really well for me. Highly recommend.

___

And there you have it! Because I can't miss an opportunity to talk about books, I guess xD (and give you more than you asked for)

But please remember to look up triggers and such before you read! I admit that I didn't try to list them all here, mainly because I don't know what people will find triggering so I'd probably miss some even if I tried.

As for my own writing, I hope to finish a couple of projects during 2025, A New Dawn definitely being one of them. Hopefully also some of the shorter Gahan projects I have, plus some older fics I have lying around for other fandoms that I just haven't been able to complete yet. Having too many projects makes me restless and while the easiest solution would be to dump some of them, I don't have the heart to do that when there's just another chapter or two to go.

So yeah. Next year will hopefully involve me finishing a couple of projects, especially old ones I should have completed long ago.

Wish me luck!

[puffyphantom-v2]

I've really been wanting to clean/finish this one, but the writing gods have forsaken me and left me without guidance on how to proceed 😔

Rated:

Danny dug his numb fingers into the plush blanket wrapped around him, scooting across the expensive Persian rug to sit closer to the open fireplace. Even if he was able to feel the warmth emanating from the flames, it wasn’t nearly enough to calm his annoyingly persistent shivering. “So, b-basically, you’re saying that I have ice p-powers?”

“That would be an adequate summary, yes,” Vlad answered from where he was standing some feet away, turning a page from the large purple book he was cradling in one arm. “I’ve learned of a peculiar bunch that reside in the Ghost Zone who are apparently quite knowledgeable in the subject. Though we have no choice but to wait before we can go and make our inquiries. My ghost portal won’t be up and running again until tomorrow.”

“Right. Just m-my luck.”

“It’s unfortunate that your father’s portal is also out of commission at the moment.” Vlad shut the book and sighed. “Let this be a lesson, little badger. Never ignore the responsibility of changing out the Ecto-filtrator,” he said as he walked to the nearby bookshelf and slid the book back into place.

Danny scoffed. “You’re one to talk. Remind me again why your portal needed to be f-f-fixed?”

Vlad turned around as he tsked with a condescending wave of his finger. “Let’s not change the subject, now.”

“Hmph.” Danny shifted so that he could sit with his arms wrapped around his knees. “What else is there to say anyway? Besides the f-fact that I’m apparently going through g-g-ghost p-puberty.” He frowned. As if teenage puberty wasn’t enough. And just when he’d thought finally gotten ahold of all his latent powers, too.

Even worse, why did it have to be ice of all things? It reminded him of winter, which reminded him of Christmas—plus everything else relating to that awful holiday. And that was the last thing he wanted on his mind when it was the middle of summer.

“Luckily for you, if this really is what I think it is, then this ‘ghost puberty’ phase shouldn’t be nearly as much trouble,” Vlad said. “For now, you only need to put up with your symptoms until the portal is ready.”

Danny shot Vlad a look. “Easier s-said than done.” He extended his arms with his palms facing the fireplace, unable to hold back a violent shudder as he did so. “I can’t even tell if any of this is working. It’s like my body isn’t able to retain any heat. I’m almost tempted to throw myself in the fire and see if that does anything.”

“I’d rather you didn’t. Returning your charred remains to your parents isn’t exactly on my bucket list.”

“Good to know.”

Vlad hummed, remaining silent for a moment afterwards. “Maybe I can be of some help. I have an idea.”

“I’d love to hear it,” Danny mumbled.

“Phase your clothes off and lay on your back.”

“Huh?” Danny whipped head around, staring wide-eyed at Vlad as he watched him get on his knees beside him. Even with the cold cutting off his blood flow, he had no doubt that his cheeks had turned a faint shade of red. “Uh. I’m not sure t-that’s gonna help. Well, I mean, it might. But, um—”

Vlad interrupted with a chuckle. “Trust me, dear boy, it’s nothing like that,” he said as he rolled the sleeves of his dress shirt up to his elbows.

Still wary, Danny looked down at Vlad’s hands as he set them on his thighs before looking back up to meet his gentle gaze. His intention to help appeared genuine enough. And at this point Danny welcomed anything that could stop him from possibly freezing over.

He followed Vlad’s instructions, taking the blanket and laying it flat on the rug. Then, he phased his pajamas off, opting to keep his boxers on for the sake of saving at least some decency. His body immediately noticed the lack of clothes. He couldn’t stop his teeth from chattering or himself from shivering. “Is t-t-this really n-necessary? Seems c-counterproductive,” he struggled to say as he laid face up on the blanket and wrapped his arms around himself.

Vlad smiled, shifting forward to remove the space between them. He remained on his knees with his legs parallel to Danny’s body, sitting so close that they were touching. “Very much necessary,” he answered, gently prying Danny’s arms away from himself and guiding them to his sides in a silent demand to keep them there.

Danny let out another shudder as the cold continued to nip at his skin, and he wondered if he should’ve listened to Vlad after all. His skepticism doubled when Vlad placed his large hands on his chest, palms flat against him. Danny peered up at him. “H-hey, you s-said—”

“Shh,” Vlad hushed.

Danny was about to protest again when he was ultimately silenced by his surprise from a strange but familiar sensation. His wide eyes shifted back down to Vlad’s hands.

“Feeling less like you just walked out of a blizzard?” Vlad asked.

“Yeah.” Danny kept his eyes on Vlad’s hands, feeling the cold within him quickly dissipate as a pleasant warmth bloomed from the center of his chest. “What is this? What’re you doing?” he asked, looking up at Vlad.

“Nothing, really. I’m simply using my unique ability to your advantage.”

“Huh?”

“Do you recall our conversation from earlier?”

Danny thought for a moment. “The one about your fire powers?”

“Precisely.”

“So, are you saying you’re using your fire powers to… warm me up?”

“Hm, your poor grades have given me the wrong impression of you. Looks like you’re not as dull-witted as I’d thought,” Vlad taunted with a smile. “But, yes, you are correct.”

Danny held his tongue, tempted to push Vlad away with a little help from his own powers. If only he wasn’t doing such a great job at keeping him warm. He looked back down at Vlad’s hands together with his near-naked form. “Weird. Using your powers for something like this, I mean. But I guess that explains why I needed to take my clothes off. It works better with direct contact, huh?”

“Oh, no. You didn’t need to be bare for this.”

Danny gave Vlad a deadpanned look.

“What? If I’m going to be sitting here, then I at least deserve something nice to look at, don’t you think?”

“Perverted old man,” Danny muttered, shifting slightly to get a little more comfortable—even if being half naked with two large hands on him made that a bit hard to do. “Uh, I appreciate the help, but does this mean we’re gonna have to stay like this until the morning?”

“As appealing as it sounds to have my hands on you all night long, I don’t think that will be necessary. I’m hoping I only need to warm you up enough for you to be able to pull through the night. Perhaps half an hour of this will be enough.”

“I hope so. Um, thanks,” Danny said quietly.

Vlad only offered another smile in response.

Suddenly more aware of how awkward the situation truly was, Danny turned his head away, staring at the fireplace as it continued to crackle and burn. He blamed the heat creeping up his neck on the steady rise of his body temperature. Why was he so embarrassed anyway? It’s not like it’s the first time Vlad has seen him without any clothes on. And even more than that.

Maybe it was the fact that Vlad was helping him—especially while he’s in such a vulnerable state. Now that was something he definitely wasn’t used to. After all the violent encounters they’ve had in the past, having Vlad look after him seemed like such a foreign concept. Heck, sometimes Danny still had trouble believing that they could be in the same room together without a fight breaking out.

It’s because they’re the only ones of their kind and it didn’t make sense for them to be going after each other’s throats. That’s what Vlad had told him anyway—along with a lengthy apology for all his mistakes. And, yeah, it was hard to believe him at first, but it was even harder to deny the truth behind his words. Thinking about it now, Danny couldn’t imagine going through something like this alone, where the only person who would be able to help him is…

“Are you feeling all right?”

Danny blinked. He looked up at Vlad before quickly turning away again. “Yeah. Uh. I was just thinking that—well, I guess we don’t need the fireplace anymore.”

“I suppose not. Though it helps make the setting more romantic, doesn’t it?”

Danny couldn’t hold back a chuckle. “Sure. Me lying here in my underwear while you help me not freeze to death. So romantic.”

Vlad laughed quietly, and then the room fell silent again. The fireplace crackled and pop. More heat rose to Danny’s cheeks as he felt Vlad’s gaze on him, and he shifted his legs, keeping his knees together as a different kind of warmth gathered below his navel. He swallowed.

“Actually, you might’ve had the right idea earlier.”

“Huh?” Knowing he wouldn’t be able to meet Vlad’s eyes, Danny didn’t dare look up.

He tensed a bit when Vlad moved his hands. Thumbs ran over his nipples, rubbing them just enough to tease. “A good amount of physical activity does indeed heat up the body quite well.”

[velvetvexations]

Hey velvet, glad to see you’re back. I’m sorry you got powerjacketed by your own sisters and allies— you’re an easy target for exclusionists and crypto-radfems/transradfems because of your discourse alignments. I may not agree with all of your positions, and at times do believe you could be more receptive to other transfems’ points, but you dont deserve to be harassed out of your own safe space.

Please don’t feel the need to put yourself out there for your transmasc siblings. You got off pretty consequence-free this time, but i imagine much more severe hearsay could easily spread about you if you dont prioritize your safety more. being a transfem with an opinion on this site is hard and i wish you the best ❤️

If it helps any, I literally had tears in my eyes recently because I had a really nice conversation with a self-identified TMA for the first time. I'd talked before about how it would be easy for good and rational people to adopt a system that disadvantaged them but it would be more inherently selfish to do so when it advantaged you, but in retrospect maybe that WAS wrong of me to say. Maybe I WAS being a bit transmisogynyistic, because I was still wrapped up in frustration with other transfems at least partly as a group, even if I tried insisting I didn't think it was most of them.

But I was working with the data I had at the time, which is that I was able to come to borderline wholesome agree-to-disagree conclusions with TMEs while TMAs seemed to exclusively be hateful no matter how hard I tried to approach as a civilized being (and have continued to do so, despite declaring I'd give it up awhile ago), or if I did start out confrontational was specifically because they had takes completely unrelated to gender that smashed my berserk button, at which point that eclipsed anything else.

But then I talked to a TMA who made a post I thought was unfair, and they were like "yeah sorry I was just venting if I was talking about this in a way that was actually trying to spread awareness I'd have worded it better because I agree with you that it's a situation where the problem is people trying too hard to be respectful and the best way of actually dealing with that if one was to attempt it isn't getting angry with them".

And like! That very brief interaction wasn't even about TMA/TME, but they just had it listed as an identifier, and that made me completely reconsider the way I'd been viewing transfems, even if only a portion of transfems involved in an extremely specific discourse. Because I'd seen such a range of self-identified TMEs, from asshole pickmes to people who were just genuinely trying to be good allies, but here at last was a TMA I just disagreed with over TMA/TME language.

So I literally cried over that.

I mean, I didn't investigate her blog. Maybe if I looked into it I would indeed find that she believed in really awful things, TMA/TME-related or otherwise, but the actual content of that interaction was emphasizing that kindness is important when one is feeling that "TMEs" are making well-intentioned missteps so it still gave me a measure of faith.

The other thing is that something I had been worried about was my deep lore that made me a bit obsessively paranoid about dragging back up, but I talked about that a little while ago (cw for CSA) and since then I've felt safer about Velvet Nation being understanding and caring since I've already brought up the context of everything that happened.

And, also, as much as I do love people and try to live the Superman quote in my pinned post to the very best of my ability, I also have a bottomless need for attention, so.

[swordswoman97]

Pirates SMP Chekhov's Guns

So I decided to throw together a quick list of all the Chekhov's guns I've noticed in Pirates SMP. Basically, anything that's been mentioned where I'm very certain it's going to come back into play eventually, though with some of them I have no idea how

The robed people from day one. We know they did something bad to Guqqie, and they somehow turned the corrupted isle into stone, or at least mostly to stone. I almost guarentee we haven't seen the last of them.

The corruption, and Cruppy's connection to it. Cruppy is a pretty constant presense, and we know not all of the corruption was turned to stone cause apparently Acho found some. And brought it back to the faction isles. Why did star think that was a good idea? I don't know. Also Ros seems to building with blocks the corruption was made of so...

The crypt on the sandy isle with the pit. It's tied to whatever is going on with the Gabriel plotline, and with the Slayer claiming that opening it will doom them all, I will be very surprised.

Whatever group is trying to find the treasure Gabriel is after. This is an easy one, but I do think the repercussions are going to be major. This is a group of Kestrels. Not just some group of rouge pirates. One of the other factions. They locked the Slayer up in cage, tried to hold Gabriel captive under the Kestrel base. This is not gonna be good for relations between the Herons and the Kestrels when this secret gets out, and honestly a part of me wonders if this might lead to just full out war between the factions. Kestrels and Kites vs Herons and Nightingales maybe?

That weird ship that attacked Owen. For anyone who didn't see the stream, during his stream yesterday while completely a treasure quest, Owen got shot in the face by a cannon from a larger ship. This is not one of the ships the players can currently buy, plus the only other pirates online at the time were Ros and Martyn, and it definitely wasn't them. Owen said that it was probably a Kite, but other than that theory we really don't know who or what they were. The ship was too far off to really see who might have been on it, and Owen's death message didn't show a username for whoever killed him. They also didn't stick around, by the time Owen returned they were long gone, with the only sign is happened was an odd grave made for his death. And as far as I know this is the only sighting of this weird ship. It wasn't the one that chased them during the Saving Gabriel quest, and it hasn't attacked anyone else (that I know of.) Everything about it is just... weird.

The ice wall Martyn and Sausage found. While exploring today apparently Martyn and Sausage found some weird ice wall, that also might have made strange noises? This information comes second hand so I don't have details. Now I will say, I'm fairly sure this is probably Martyn finding something he's not supposed to be able to access again but who knows? It's especially weird cause the climate of the isle and the surrounding seas is very tropical in vibe. Lots of jungle and palm trees, plus I think one single island with oak and birch. What is a giant wall of ice doing in a tropical sea? This is especially weird cause the only other example we have of a cold area is the area the robed people brought Guqqie to. Did Sausage and Martyn manage to find that place? Were they supposed to be able to? I don't know and I don't think so. Edit: People who watched the stream said it seemed like the pair were meant to find it so I take the bits about Martyn finding something else he's not supposed to be able to access back. Considering he's done it twice already though, can you really blame me for thinking it might have happened again? Further Edit: Yeah, the official twitter just posted about it, that was definitely meant to be found.

[residents-of-the-darkforest]

How do all the Med Cats get along? Aside from uh, well I doubt Runningbird is too excited to talk to any of them.

This ask has been sitting in my inbox for over

a

YEAR

I remember that it was sent while I was doing those "ask a character and have them respond in drawing form" because that's what I was gonna do with this ask, and that's why it was taking so damn long to answer

but I'm in my second year of university now, so chances are I'm not gonna have the chance to draw the answer as I've been hoping to do since *checks notes* MAY OF 2022.

So let's just answer it now, shall we?

(I SUSPECT that the person who sent this is someone still following the blog 00 so hopefully they can see their question go answered at last!)

The Medicine cat Community in The Place of No Stars

Many would at first think that no one helped anyone but themself in the Dark Forest, and they're partly right.

Why do medicine cats get together?

Well, that could be for many reasons. They genuinely enjoy the company, they're with someone they can relate to, they enjoyed healing in life and still do, they want to be special, or maybe they just like to help with herbs so that they can stave off their own boredom.

Individually, it's the same as in life--everyone with proper med cat training knows everything that a medicine cat should know.

In groups, particularly in the med cat community, tasks are more divided by skill.

Fleathistle, for example, is a wonderful healer, but even more than that he's great at growing plants. He's responsible for at least 80% of the herbs that grew and can be useful in the Dark Forest. He, with the help of his mate and close friends, created the 'Dark Garden,' where a field-full of different herbs and medicines grow, many of which unheard of in life, as Fleathistle experimented with them, creating some herbs from scratch.

Now, Fleathistle is still a medicine cat. If you need healing, you can go to him as much as you can go to anyone. But if you need particular herbs, it's better to go to him above anyone else. (This is in a similar sense of 'all toads are frogs, but not all frogs are toads' if that makes sense?)

++

Myrtlewing is another case of 'the best one to go to in a certain situation.'

True, Myrtlewing would also be the scariest one to go to, as in life he experimented with his patients, putting their lives and health at grave risk for his own curiosity and entertainment, but it's due to these experiments and others he performed on cats that makes him so useful.

Myrtlewing would tear cats open and apart and test out how to keep them alive for as long as he wished in spite of their horrible injuries. Because of this, if a cat were to receive a horrible injury, he's the best healer to go to because of his knowledge of how to keep the cat alive.

In simpler terms, he's the "surgeon" of the group, the only one able to heal a cat's torn up insides--though he's nowhere near as talented as human surgeons.

He's the one to go to if someone is in grave trouble and / or if someone has a particularly horrible injury.

++

Shiverrose's talents as a healer lies most notably in how she cures sickness.

Like all medicine cats, she's great at healing wounds, but illness is where her skills really show.

She has great memory and fantastic critical thinking skills, which allows her to come to a diagnostic conclusion much quicker than other medicine cats.

She only needs to hear a list of your symptoms to figure out in a matter of seconds what is wrong with you and what may be best to heal you with (she may also go to Fleathistle for the second part, as he knows more about the Dark herbs than anyone else).

She would probably be just as good with wounds if such injuries were troubling to figure out too. It's tricky to figure out why someone may have a dry throat and bellyache, it's rather easy to see why their leg was broken.

----

There are also those who were medicine cats in life but no longer wish to heal, and therefore do not count as part of this Medicine Cat Club.

Sageleaf, for example, would very much like for everyone to leave her alone forever, thank you.

=========

@ambitiousauthor @frightnightindustries @starfalcon555 @wills-woodland-warriors @umbranoxs @elementaldeityoffood @liberhoe

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

arjuna bby ofccc 🥺🥺🥺

gonna wrap this up by doing arjuna and arjuna alter! shockingly the arjuna blog got a few entries for arjuna...incredible....

but yes, this is the last ask i'll be doing i did 11 of these so i think thats probably fair

favorite thing about them

everything. well

for arjuna i like that he feels pressured to perform perfectly at all times but still cant help resenting that that same performance doesnt come naturally to him like it seems to do with other people. i find it very relatable. i like the gap of him simultaneously being incredibly confident to the point of seeming smug in his abilities in things that he is familiar with/can practice, and his deep insecurity with basically everything else (especially when they're less tangible and unable to be practiced.) the fact that he seems to find himself unworthy of being loved if he isnt useful or helpful in some way is incredibly familiar to me, so it bothers me to see people miss that side of his character and brush him off as arrogant when a lot of it is overcompensating on things he knows he's good at so he can prove he's valuable. i find his sadness, anger and resentment that he masks and tries to downplay incredibly human and its been really nice seeing him grow out from his inital withdrawn confines.

also ngl i've wanted to shoot my older brother's head off as well but i know id probably react like him after. probably. maybe.

also i like his fluffy hair and pretty eyes

i also like how arjuna alter functions both initially as a mirror reflecting arjuna's own toxic perfectionism back onto the world around him, showing how the continuation of that ideal harms not only yourself but the people around you, and how he functions later as a glimpse into what arjuna was like prior to some of the most defining events of his life. what little glimmers we've seen of him are both incredibly compelling and incredibly tragic as someone who's lost their identity and reason for being the way they are. we know nothing of how he ended up the way he is, and hes a shell of the person he was. and yet even so, he was able to retain some small sense of self, and although he'll never be the same as his old self he can still have a life and form a new purpose

also i like how hes a cute kitty :3

least favorite thing about them

*passes the fate writers $5* write him interacting or thinking about literally anyone other than karna for the love of god

ditto for arjuna alter and also i want him to have more backstory bc i KNOW he could be really good its just. they wont do it.

favorite line

all of them. all of them

but also

t. thanks. im gonna go. go cry for a little bit thank you

i also liked arjuna alter's voiced lb4 scene where he was dying bc he sounded totally fucked up then and it was awesome (painful) but i cant be bothered to look up a link atm

brOTP

calling whatever he and parvati have going on a 'brotp' is probably not accurate but i do quite like their interactions. its very sweet.

other than that i also like his (canon) friendships/interactions with jason, circe, georgios, and orion. oh and martha and gorgon!

also i think he and karna would be funny as obnoxious siblings :p

arjuna alter is even less social, somehow, but its kind of funny to imagine him still hanging around limbo. 0 stranger danger radar. im choosing to decide hes more friends with cu alter as well to contrast with me making arjuna and medb hang out more. i mean they do show up in the same cbc so legally i can do that.

OTP

gudajuna canon fite me. i do have a bias for gay stuff but i still think its very sweet w gudako. i can and will ship basically anyone with arjuna which is why im holding back from just listing 70 people and i can come up w several more on the spot but tbh outside of the mc maybe like...his irl wivesandkrishna

also him and taking a fucking nap and chilling out. Tbh this over anything else I’m not primarily gunning for romance in fgo which may sound strange but c’est la vie

nOTP

im going to fucking solo a hgw on my own just so i can purge the world of karjuna/junakar permanently thats how much i hate it

random headcanon

arjuna was totally invited to the 'religion group' by someone (georgios or martha probably) who was trying to make it less christian (sanzang attends its only fair) and remembered the bhaghvad gita exists.

arjuna spends like 75% of his day in spiritual meditation the game just doesnt mention it

arjuna alter has chronic fatigue

arjuna alter's horns have blood vessels in them. why not

unpopular opinion

he should kill karna again. fuck everything

stupid comment aside i wouldnt actually hate them revisiting arjuna vs karna again IF (this is a very big big if) they actually delved into their actual history with each other. like explicitly stated in text why they started beefing, mentioned the things BOTH sides did to each other, looked at the opinions of BOTH sides about their relationship just yknow actually give it some fucking depth other than them yelling at each other for what (to someone unfamiliar w the og epic) seems like basically nothing? except some vague jealous feelings on one side? which is hardly enough to keep beefing for over 2000 years but what do i know

for arjuna alter my unpopular opinion is they looked at him and were like 'we could do this better' and wrote morgan and i want them to go back to him and give him a backstory as well.

and also he should have a summer alt. he deserves it

song i associate with them

*activates my emo gland*

for arjuna

for arjuna alter

favorite picture of them

theres so many of them tbh but atm ive been thinking of this one. whats even going on here. are they having a rap battle. are they assigning each other fursonas

[theoldaeroplane]

can't figure out if my dreams, which usually feature at least one of my parents and more recently, my toxic former boss who made me feel like I was living with my parents again, are purely stress related or if there's something else happening there

general life rambling below the cut

been reading How To Do the Work as part of my ongoing attempt to heal from my childhood. Doing the journaling exercises and everything. My therapist also asked me to spend the next two weeks observing the language I use in my internal narratives about myself so we can talk about them at our next session. So far I'm noticing that I tend to frame myself as downtrodden and often without power.

I've been reading a lot about somatic therapy. I didn't finish The Body Keeps the Score due to life getting in the way, but it's a very powerful book and I think it probably started this line of inquiry. I'm a little skeptical about how scientific a number of the related things I've read are, such as trauma release exercises and the idea that the psoas muscle holds trauma, but I think there's something to the idea. I've been making a conscious effort to keep my shoulders loose and back, instead of tight and hunched forward. I'm very worried about falling into another hole of people who claim to have all the answers. I have great difficulty trusting my own intuition and seek out approval or reinforcement for almost everything I do. (Even writing this journal on a public forum feels like a result of that.)

I actually tried the trauma release exercises on Monday, and on Wednesday I had a very exaggerated anxiety attack for no reason I could pinpoint. It lasted over three hours and persisted through a nap, which hasn't happened before. I have no idea if the two are related, but---I did notice myself trembling slightly during the attack. That's not happened before either. Not sure if it's some kind of subconscious attempt at following the idea behind TRE or not, but I guess it probably doesn't really matter.

I also went ahead and signed up for a yoga session next week, with an instructor listed as being aware of how to work with trauma survivors. It's another Thing I have to do, in terms of not being able to catch my breath, but I want to at least try it and see how I feel afterwards.

For as much of a less than perfect fit my new job is, I really like my new boss. He's got a good sense of humor and he's very patient, and doesn't make me feel like I'm stupid when I make a mistake. I think I'm only now realizing how much damage my last boss did in terms of opening old wounds.

Tomorrow I have my volunteer work and a friend's dance recital, plus a ttrpg/hangout session, but tonight I'm just going to come home right at 5 and peace out with Zelda and an edible. (I do this almost every night, to be fair, but I didn't really get home until at least 7pm this week).

I've been very worried about money, probably too much. I'm not quite making a livable wage, but cost of living here is very low, and I know for a fact I can make reasonably consistent extra money with the yiff side hustle. (I shouldn't have to rely on that to get by when I'm also working full time, but you know how it goes.) My main expenses outside of the usual are therapy and animals. Therapy sessions are going to start costing me $75 a pop. Jojo needs a checkup, and she's going to need dental surgery soon, so a good chunk of my money is going towards saving for that. I also need to get shirts for work as there's a dress code I've technically been violating for two months. (This is another area where my boss has been very cool.)

The house is a nightmare. The carpet is a dog piss swamp, due to my first month at work resulting in me sleeping 90% of the time, but I have other things I need to buy before a carpet cleaner rental can happen. I think I'm waiting, too, for next week before I do any cleaning---I'm surrendering my pigeon Chanticleer back to the shelter then and I'll be able to really move things around and clean them up. I'm fond of the little dude, but we're just not a match for each other.

I have so much more I could write, but I need to get ready for work. Wish me luck.

[imagineitdearies-old]

Hello! I’m sorry for sending this but I was wondering if you could explain how to be able to post anything really and for it to appear. I have tried to post stuff and it never appears but especially because I have my own little story in the works and don’t know how to post it in hops of someone reading it.

Thank you!

Hi! I assume you're asking about ao3? I have zerooo knowledge on anything tumblr-related, so without further ado here is

Imogen's Very Unofficial Guide to Posting on Ao3:

First and foremost, use tags thoroughly. Not an essay-length of them, of course, but covering things past the relationship, fandom, and warnings can go a long way toward you attracting the right readers. Like setting (modern/canon-divergence/omegaverse/post-episode #/etc), relationship dynamics (like top/bottom, which really matters in lucemond lol), any E rating descriptors worthy of note (if any), and of course general themes of the story (hurt/comfort/crack/dead dove: do not eat/etc.). This makes it a lot easier for people who would enjoy your story content to find you amidst everything else posted.

If you're new to tagging, I'd recommend finding a few popular fics that match the content/story of your fic to some extent and seeing how they tag. I also recommend this post if you're very new to tags and looking for a very detailed explanation of them.

Second, especially at the beginning, post regularly. If that means you have to write a couple of chapters up before you post the first, then do so. Readers like consistency. Building that trust at the start will help them stay faithful when Life stuff inevitably comes up. (Obviously this is only relevant if you are posting a multi-chapter fic.)

Third, and this one others may disagree with me on, but have an estimated chapter count as soon as you can. In my opinion, a reader is much more likely to try you out, even if you don't have many kudos/hits/comments yet, if you seem to have a plan. On the other hand, seeing a new story posted with 1/? chapters is not very tempting for most who have been burned before (unless they REALLY like your tags and summary).

Fourth, speaking of summaries, on ao3 a big reason people scroll past your fic 9even if you have tags they like/searched for) is if your summary is bad. Take time and make sure you write a good summary. I would again recommend you look at popular stories most similar to the one you're writing and their summaries. Scrolling through lucemond fics, for instance, there is a very popular format used: throw in a couple of lines from the first chapter as a hook, then on a new line add "Or" and a short sentence or two of explanation. (This is my preferred method, but there are plenty of others too!)

Fourth and last, and probably the hardest---your writing needs to be clean and easy to read. If you think you're already doing everything listed before this pretty well, the main issue may be bad grammar and sentence structure. That's more effort to fix, and often the only cure is writing more and reading more (particularly reading more published fiction). But if you're in a hurry, I know a lot of writers enlist the help of beta readers to catch the big stuff before posting. I don't have any personal experience with using a beta, though, so I have no advice on how to find one unfortunately.

ALTERNATIVELY: Just wait until it's 3 in the morning or you're entirely smashed (or both!) to post it, sleep in until 2pm, and if you wake up and there's no engagement, just delete it and pretend it never happened/try again later 😂 I've done this at least twice over the years.

[bob-ross-save-us]

Hmmm. So my grandma died last Tuesday morning, and it has really made me realize I have a fair amount of unprocessed grief over the loss of friends and loved ones.

It's was probably the start of my putting space between me and A.A.

Getting sober young kinda sucked ass tbh. Not being able to trust yourself around other young people because I might relapse and fuck everything up, then eventually getting a strong enough footing to start to open yourself up to other young people, only for them to relapse and leave your life, or even worse, relapse and fucking die, really really sucks.

I think I've been able to see and know that there was nothing I could have done to have saved them. I realize that I'm not all that powerful. A few years of trying to save everyone will beat that into anybody lol. But the loss still hurts.

It's hurts that when I think of working on my car, I think of Drew. That when I think of going crazy and cheering at a sports game, I think of Paul. When I see an empty piano bench, I think of Noah. When I think of chronic pain, I think of Allana.

There are so many ties to those that aren't dead. Some I think are doing well, others I'm shocked are still alive.

There are others, both dead and alive, that I cared about deeply and want to see live and thrive, but when putting together that list, I couldn't even remember them. I've remembered a few more since even typing. Danny in drag.

I thought I had found a new group. I worked with one of them for a bit when I worked at the rehab. They were all more educated than me, but that was never an issue. They were the kind of group of people I aspired to be around. Battered and bruised by the world, but loving, kind, thoughtful, generous, and intentional with their actions. We grew pretty close by playing PC games together during covid. We really started getting together more and more in person, and it was nice.

I took a job where I traveled a lot, and one member of the group moved to MI, where most of the group was based. Some murky stuff happened with the guy who moved here, and the marriage that the friend circle was based around fell apart.

There was no "declaration of excommunication" or anything like that. The cracks in a very flawed relationship just finally gave way. There were a few more gaming sessions, but around the edges, the promises of support to both parties were shown to be empty.

It didn't feel like I chose a side at the time. I was just closer to one of them. The one who had brought me into the friend group. The one who seemed to me to have approached it the most responsibly. The one who now was going through the break up of a marriage that lasted almost half their life, the loss of their wife to someone they once considered their best friend, the loss of some friends and slow slipping away of others, and the recent recognition that they are trans. So while at the time, I felt like I was just being there for my friend, I realize now that the fact that no one else did the same for the person we all considered a friend (and I was even the least close of the group), really did make the choice not to make more of an effort to maintain my relation with the rest, a much easier one.

But, no matter how we got here, I'm here. Not quite alone, but not too far from it.

She and I care for each other a lot, I value her dearly, and will make the effort to remain friends. But she is rediscovering herself and her place in her new community. She is even in a new relationship right now, which I am so happy for her, but selfishly, I do miss my friend.

I am blessed to have a wonderful family, both immediate and extended. They are flawed, but they are wonderful. This week was full of reminders how lucky I am.

It was especially nice for a few of my cousins individually say how proud of me they are, and how happy they are to see me happy. Not just because I'm sober / alive, I've heard enough of those to pick them out. Not because I've got an impressive job / have money to blow, I've been unemployed for months and am living at my parents place.

Honestly, I don't know why they are proud of me. I'm not.

I am proud that I worked to support my family through their grief. Just in little ways. I can't point to anything in particular, but enough to where I was thanked by a few aunts and uncles very sincerely in a way that caught me off guard. My dad did as well, and was concerned I was trying to brute force the grief myself, which to some extent I may be, but more so as an extension of brute forcing grief for those in the prior years.

I'm proud I was able to bring some humor to a sad time. A few laughs between tears was a nice break for everyone.

I'm proud I played a part in helping cousins that live far away and have only been around a few times in their lives feel more comfortable, included and loved. One went from being extremely shy and answering questions so softly that it was barely audible, to walking over to me and nudging me with her elbow to tell a joke loudly enough for a few people to hear.

I'm proud me and her were able to talk about her brother who was murdered. That she could know how much we missed him too. I'm proud I could tell her that her grandma loved her, even if it was from a far, and that it was okay she didn't call more often. Grandma was terrible on the phone. She would ask about everything when you saw her in person, and worry about you all the time, but if you called her she just sounded like she was in a hurry to get off the phone and like you were bugging her hahaha

I'm proud I was able to allow myself to feel the feelings of loss, grief, worry and fear this past week. Along with lots of love. I've cried while hugging my brother and father, and said goodbye to my grandma.

She was 96, so it was far from a shock, but she was like the Queen of England, in the sense that she had been pretty much the exact same my entire life. And she had had health scares before, only to brush them off and pretty much be fine.

I saw all of these pictures from throughout her life. Pictures of her as a young woman. Honestly, of a woman I never knew. I hope she was happy with her choices. I know she loved her family very much, but those pictures were of someone else. The same name, and the same face, but one that wasn't so tired from raising 7 kids.

My grandpa passed in early 2000, almost 25 years before she did. I never really knew her before he passed. I never really knew her before her husband passed. And I don't really know if she was just saying this, or if she really meant it, but when I asked if she ever considered dating again, she said, "No, I found my one" or something along those lines. So I never really knew her before her "One" passed. I never really knew her before she raised 7 children, and they all had gotten married and had kids of their own. I never knew her before her parents died. I never knew her before she got married.

She lived a lot of life. More than most. She didn't get married until she was like 30. My grandpa was even younger than her. She was one of the first female anesthesiologist nurses, traveled Europe with her girlfriends, and had lifelong friends from atleast college if not earlier.

She had outlived them all. Even one of her own grandchildren.

But seeing those pictures, of a woman without all that pain, of an older sister with her baby brother, of a confident young woman in a fancy polkadot dress, of a young soldier and nurse smitten with each other, and of a young bride beaming on her wedding day.

I don't really believe in an afterlife. But God do I hope I'm wrong, so she really knows how happy I was to see her so happy, hopefully know how much I love and will miss her.

Oh she also kept a little poem my grandpa wrote her at some point. It was sweet. The was a part where my grandpa referred to her as "well fed" was a major face palm and I hope was just trying to shoe horn in something that rhymed cause she was a looker when they met! Hahaha cause idk how the hell he was able to keep her after that line!

Well, I've been at this for like 3 or 4 hours at this point, gonna cut it off.

I'll miss my grandma, but I'm blessed to be part of this amazing family she built and left behind.

Oh, and if I am wrong, and there is an afterlife: Sorry for all the dumb decisions I'm gonna make in life grandma, I'll try and do my best ❤️

[privacyredux]

62oz water

6:53pm - los angeles

i talked to valeria a lot today and she kind of inspired me to try to use this a bit more and maybe a little more productively? i'm not sure about all that, but it's worth a bit of a try.

i'm not sure i'm that concerned with tracking what i'm eating for meals or anything like that and unfortunately i'm a bit too late to be tracking my dreams. i know i had one last night though and one of my friends did something kind of weird in it. i remember waking up thinking i would text them about the thing they did, but i ended up going back to sleep and completely forgot about it. anyway, i don't even know that i'll be able to keep up with a daily thing, but at least the amount of water i drank so far in the day can be a tribute to the inspiration.

i watch uglies and it was bafflingly bad? strange? i don't know, but i did kind of find it amusing enough that i'm annoyed that it barely had an ending and i'm not so sure there's going to be a sequel to make up for that.

as i mentioned, i talked to valeria a fair amount of the day, she and i talked about tattoos and religion a bit. she really seems like a very centered and balanced person to the point it's pretty admirable. i honestly find her kind of fascinating. i'm not sure if i'm annoying to her or not, but i think ive at least been entertaining enough to warrant a small bit of attention.

i spoke with brina a bit too. she seemed upset and said as much, but didn't really get too into detail. i wanted to talk it out with her if she wanted, but i guess maybe she just didn't and that's why it ended up the way it did. i think she can be a bit hard on herself sometimes and i'm not sure why. i think once she's on tour and sees how all her work paid off, it'll be a bit better. i hope that's the case anyway.

and as is usual, i've spoken with charlie a lot. she's been a very good friend and always really entertaining to talk to. it was actually kind of crazy how chatgpt just knew shit about me. i'm sure that sounds stupid but i'm not a completely private figure, but it still kinda freaked me out.

like yeah, it's a stupid little which new girl character am i most like thing and i can even see where there's some overlap with schmidt even though i'm not completely certain it's in the things listed necessarily. i don't know it was just really weird to come to terms with the fact that i could be analyzed in this way by ai.

i really need to rewatch the first season of rings of power though. i think blair is going to start it soon and as soon as she starts talking to me about it i'm going to miss it immediately. plus i do wanna watch the second season and i barely even remember what happened in the first. well, i do, but i really like rewatching something right before watching the new stuff. it was kinda nice talking about it with someone who has a similar relationship to it. a lot of people are very critical of lotr related stuff wanting a perfect interpretation and perfect to them and what they think is right and i really have that childlike excitement that i can't believe there's more content i can watch and enjoy. i just really want to take it all in. i don't feel like that about everything. mostly lotr and community. it just unlocks a certain part of me that is happy it's happening regardless of its imperfections.

i tried to help a bit with rosalie's gender reveal/babyshower. i want it to be nice for her and i hope it's gonna be all that she wants. i still gotta work on trying to invite some more women because right now it's very man heavy. i don't know that she'd mind that. her friends are her friends that's just how it goes, but i'm sure they could offer support in more ways than i could at least. i can't really speak for anyone else.

i was kinda bummed i didn't do much friday the 13th stuff yesterday and was planning on fitting some in today, but all i did was listen to a kinda creepy podcast. it didn't scratch the itch really. maybe i'll try harder as the night goes on. if i don't make other plans.

de-luxe - lush

safe in your skin - title fight

goodbye - the sundays

[musingsoflys]

2nd post for the morning. It was just going to be a deconstructing post, but I went off on a health tangent.

I have multiple journaling locations. I have one where I try to collect everything, but it's getting ... octopus. It's in OneNote, and I have multiple tabs and subpages for different topics: my kids coming out, my husband coming out, my religion shattering, a letter for my Mom about it that I've been procrastinating finishing for over a year -- it's so close--, my own thoughts and feelings about 'all the things.' Due to life's business and my previously mentioned (the other post from this morning) low energy and mental function, I haven't been able to give my religious/spiritual aspect enough attention, and lately I've been feeling the need to do that. The last few days I've been wanting to start rereading Untamed by Glennon Doyle. I think I'm ready to move into the next phase, ?, whatever that is. I feel stalled right now.

I had been working my way through Falling Upward by Richard Rohr. That was also supposed to be part of my Sunday morning time. Now I'm not sure how applicable it will be given my Christian deconversion. I guess I should look and see. I am capable of recognizing metaphor and framing separately from my experience and so still be able to take the lessons. ... ... haha, just had to bring my brain back from another tangent related to framing/context. OK. back to the topic at hand. See, I didn't leave Mormonism only to remain a Christian; my deconstruction of God precludes that. My understanding of God was the first thing that shattered. So, while I often appreciate others' deconstruction experiences, I'm still looking for more non-Christian deconstructing community. Jesus as radical historical figure, fine, but no more Jesus as Savior, no more Heavenly Father (or Mother) -- I feel like they're less parental and more transcended siblings. I want to find my own divinity, not the "seeds of Divinity" as spoken of by Mormon leaders but the stardust inside.

Since at least November, my husband has been in the early goo phase of metamorphosis or the early germination phase of a seed: breaking apart, melting, he's beyond the point of no return from what he used to be. But in his case it's kind of weird b/c what he used to be was constantly masking, constantly trying to be what everyone else thought he should be, so he's trying to be himself, to go back to the beginning, but I just realized that even that being is socially defined, I think, by the imprinting he got as a child. But there's also a lot of trauma there. Anyway, I feel like I'm finally ready to explore nonmonogamy but now he's in a very personally, mentally, and emotionally delicate stage. He's worried that I'll find someone "better" or replace him. (Actually one of the 1st fears listed on a remodeledlove post in IG.) He also expresses interest in swinging, but I can't see myself doing that, at least partly b/c I've never had sex with anyone else. So sometimes, he's like, hurry up and have sex w/someone else, so that we can move on to threesomes and swapping and swinging. But I can't have sex with a stranger; I wouldn't mind having a FWB relationship but I at least need the friend part. I'm on an app, but I'm afraid to 'like' anybody. I've only liked 2 people but have not had any conversations with them. I'm not "talking to" anyone. I just fantasize, lol. And he's not ready for any new relationships, friend or otherwise, right now. So...where does that leave me? Where am I, and where do I go from here?

[natsubeatsrock]

Top 7 Things I Enjoyed in 2023: Number 3

This was a year I caught up with so much of the comics backlog. I've been meaning to talk about something from Iconic Comics because everything I read from them this year has been amazing. Alas, that might have to wait a year. This spot belonged to Infinity Gauntlet for most of the year. I was excited to talk about how much this was like the Marvel movies it inspired. It genuinely felt like the best experience I had reading any book in the medium. 

Was anything I was going to ever read going to top it?

Well, it turns out that only one man could give a better experience. And who else but the man behind the best stories involving my favorite comic series?

Number #3 - Uncanny X-Men: God Loves, Man Kills

For the uninitiated, Chris Claremont's run on X-Men is the stuff of legends. He didn't create the X-Men. However, nearly everything iconic about the group is in some way related to his run. Almost every major story that inspired the movies came from this run of over two decades.

I have been slowly making my way through the Uncanny X-Men omnibus series over the past few years. If I were any faster, I probably could have put the whole series on a past list. At the very least, there wouldn't have been as much of a break between Marvel products being on this list as has been true recently.

This book exists as a primer for the series. If you want a simple explanation of what the X-Men, especially written by Claremont, are without reading dozens of comics for context, this is the place to go. It's the core group of X-Men trying to work through a tough situation which tests their resolve and identity. 

In particular, they face a threat from an anti-mutant televangelist named William Stryker who grew to hate the mutant race because of events from his military days. In other words, business as usual.

This time, though, they team up with long-time enemy, Magneto. Magneto has often represented the opposite extreme to Stryker and the absent Senator Kelly. He wishes for mutants to replace humans as the dominant species and subjugate them the way many wish to see his people taken care of. (Ironic considering his time as a Nazi concentration camp captive.)

However, this is one of the few times he feels sympathetic. We see him mourn over the murder of young mutants. His pleas to Professor X feel placed in a desire for urgency for change can't be achieved through his old friend's ways as quickly as necessary, if ever.

Admittedly, my bias in this pick shows in my connection to my copy of the comic. There are two editions: an original version and an extended cut with a couple of edits to the original and a new framing of the events. My copy is the latter, but I was able to have Claremont sign my edition during the last NYCC.

That said, I wouldn't get it signed if I didn't love the story. I can't wait to read through the rest of Uncanny X-Men in the years to come.

[dxfiedfxte]

Thread Move/Relocation from here: X || @mirrorsoftheotherself

It was really nice to see Minato again after everything. They developed a close bond within the False Yasogami; something she cherished even if it developed through her amnesiac self. Through the shared enjoyment of food, his willingness to help her with some of the more smaller things, and his actions as leader, Rei couldn't be any more grateful.

Which reminds her... She has to introduce him to her brother at some point. After the whole incident regarding the Grand Prix thing and how poor Yamato got caught up in that without warning, Minato is the only one left for him to meet. She feels the two would get along!

(Plus, having two awesome brothers (both found and familial) feels amazing.)

Upon hearing the other's hunger related woes, she immediately offered him the water bottle she saved for him. "Sounds like a plan! Also, just in case you also need a drink!"

Once the two would start walking ahead, she would be right next to him.

"How have you been since last time? Hopefully things haven't been too crazy?"

It still felt a little surreal seeing Rei walking around outside in the here and now and not the fake school where he had met everyone else, including the investigation team. With that in mind, he couldn't help but wonder, if his memories of his experience in that dream came back to him with Rei's reappearance, did that also mean Yu and his friends also had their memories of her returned? Or at the very least he assumed so.

Since she was currently enrolled in the same school as they were, he had a feeling they were aware of it all just like Minato and his own friends were, it felt like those memories were sitting there dormant in everyone's mind. The fool could still recall the flood of texts from all his friends upon having their memories returned.

That day, was probably the one day in a very long time when every friend in his group had texted him all at once, asking if he remembered a blond-haired girl named Rei just like they did, a question which he was left to explain it all to them with each confused text, he was pleased that he wasn't working that day. Because it was a day off, he was able to go into great detail for each, allowing him to ease their concern and confirm with them that all those memories were in fact, very real.

Upon learning that Minato was with her at the time, his friends gave him permission to give their numbers to her once they all found out that she was real, and the time spent with her wasn't anything close to fake, just foggy memory due to them being heavily suppressed by an unknown force that seemed to release these memories at the appropriate time and moment -- this being the minute the two reunited.

[{ 🦋 }] - "Hm? Oh, thanks. I'm pretty actually pretty thirsty." With his thanks, he accepts the bottle of water, gulping it all down in one big sip. Once it's empty, he crushes the bottle in his palm and chucks it into the recycling bin nearby, it hits the side and falls inside. His thirst now quenched and now feeling a little more refreshed, he leads their trek towards the aforementioned restaurant.

[{ 🦋 }] - "I'd like to agree, but unfortunately, this season has been the busiest we've had in quite a while, so I've been hard at work for weeks. Lots of haunted locations on our list this year. We have like, seven left to visit before we can complete the season, so my workload has been a bit heavy as of late."

He explains, answering her question in detail. It really had been pretty busy for him recently, and there was still lots left planned as well. It was safe to say, that after these two weeks off, he'd be right back to work, so he was going to enjoy the time off while he still had it.

[{ 🦋 }] - "How's school been? Have you been keeping up with your studies?" Minato asks, putting his hand on the door to the restaurant and pushing it open so they can enter.

[irltechnoblade]

How does anything you do help; a breakdown on why kin help blogs aren't necessarily helpful, changes to the formula I think would make them more helpful maybe?

My assessment is based on the fact that these are *kin* help blogs, and thus discuss how useful the things help blogs offer are in helping people who are fictionkin (and otherkin) with those parts of themselves. It's also very much personal opinion and I don't know how well any of my suggested alternatives would work, they're just my own thoughts on things I'd like to see in blogs like these instead.

Divination:

There's a reason some big fictionkin blogs refuse to boost blogs that do divination requests. Introspection is important in understanding being 'kin and people will instead go off of which direction a crystal swings when dropped. Divination can be incredibly useful in introspection, used correctly, it can also be very very wrong and lead you down the wrong path entirely if you choose to believe blindly. I would always suggest a more detailed method of divination carried out and interpreted yourself.

Alternatively you could design tarot and/or cartomancy spreads to answer questions that the requester can then carry out themselves. Write out advice for interpreting different methods of divination. Make it easy for those who want to use divination to explore this stuff. Interpreting divination results is very different when it comes to analysing this stuff than predicting the future.

Headcanon requests:

Personally, I thought at first glance "hey this sounds like a great idea" and when I was struggling with some stuff, I did actually request some from a blog once. They didn't help at all, quite the opposite actually. Most headcanons I already had contradicting memories for, the one that was actually possible in my timeline, I'm fairly certain now isn't something I remember. It's very easy to create fake memories though.

Alternatively you could create a list of questions for the requester to ponder and possibly meditate on in order to figure out their own memories? Questions sorta, focus your brain in and guide you towards answers.

Kin assignment:

Similar to an alternative for headcanon requests, a list of questions to focus on based what the asker has disclosed.

False positives with no introspection required. My friends who have known me years at this point all say that if they'd had to guess one of my kintypes they would have suggested my brother.

Doodles:

Actually these are pretty neat I approve they're very good and make a lot of sense to offer to those who aren't artistically inclined.

Playlists:

Theoretically good, actually. Useful for controlling shifts and using during the introspection thing. But to do well the request blog has to have a vast amount of music they're familiar with in order to be able to come up with a reasonable list of songs, and then not all of the songs they find will be useful to or even liked by the person who requested the playlist in the first place.

Stimboards:

Love stim boards. They're very pretty and stimmy, as you would hope. Not a bad thing to say about boards themselves. My only criticism is. Why are they on kin help blogs. How do they help you specifically with the whole being 'kin thing?

Recipies:

Another very good one actually! Put it in the pile with playlists and doodles as actually having a pretty good use!

Care and Fashion kits:

Make some sort of sense, but are often expensive, contain consumables (bath bombs and sweets can only be enjoyed once), and don't necessarily include the comfort you want. Blankets seem to be chosen for colour rather than material when they show up. Now, the correct colour certainly can help with homesickness, but matching textures and materials where possible is infinitely more valuable.

There's also issues with trying to recommend these products internationally. Generally better for someone to pick up things themselves as they go through life? Maybe suggesting the types of things that might help, with possible products afterwards. Having to give a justification for why each thing is included should increase the quality of these kits too.

Moodboards and aesthetics:

Once again, for those not artistically inclined, these can be very nice, and being able to shove a bunch of information into a request can net you can get one very relevant to your timeline which can be useful for introspection purposes, though never as good as one you put together yourself, using as many pictures and themes as you want. It's usefulness is actually very limited in the end and these are very common for some reason. They are pretty and nice to have I guess? Big problem with unsourced images used for these. Mostly just made to be pretty and not actually used, but that isn't the moodboards' fault.

Miscellaneous:

As someone who is fictionkin, do you know what would help me? Advice. Advice would help me. Also little things like *blank* helped me with this thing, maybe it would help you.

In conclusion. Kin help blogs are weird and do a lot of things I wouldn't describe as helping the asker with otherkin related issues, but they do offer a few very nice and helpful things.

[savventeen]

hello! i was wondering if i could request: things you said before you kissed me with dino :)

got my heart in my feet ('cause they lead me to you)

Chan looks at you, and you look at him, both of you searching. "Y/n, I..." he starts. Something determined settles in his eyes, and then, both bold and hesitant, "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met."

pairing: dino x reader rating: T wc: 2.4k warnings: intrusive anxious/depressive thoughts (reader's), some cussing, crying, vague mention of family issues tags: college au (barely), friends to lovers, emotional hurt/comfort, first kiss summary: gn!reader has a bad day, and they unintentionally find themselves falling apart at their best friend Chan's door in desperate need of a hug a/n: this is not at all what i thought it was going to be when i started on this prompt lmao. i was also expecting it to be around 500 words at most :') anyway, i have no idea if this is what you were looking for, but i hope you enjoy! theme song || the painting y/n talks about at the end is castanets by silvia vassileva || prompt from this list

Most of the time, you don’t consider yourself an impulsive person. In fact, you usually find yourself in the position of being other people’s impulse control — *cough*Soonyoung*cough* — and were more often than not the designated mom-friend in whatever social circle you found yourself in.

It's not that you aren't spontaneous on occasion (usually at someone else's behest), but you always think it through first. Even your backup plans have backup plans, Seokmin had joked once, and you'd agreed.

So it’s strange to say the least that you find yourself standing outside of Chan’s door at nearly midnight on a Tuesday night, arm frozen where it’s raised to knock, and no memory of making a conscious decision to be here.

You remember getting off of the most stressful 8-hour turned 12-hour shift you’ve ever experienced in your life to see three missed calls and a voicemail from your mother berating you for never having time for your family, and then to top it all off, you’d realized that you had an essay due the next morning that you’d barely started and hadn’t had the time to finish.

It’d been too much, the final straw after weeks of building pressure, and it had taken everything in you not to burst into tears right there in the middle of the sidewalk outside of your work. You’d held them in and started walking home, trying to plan out what you could eat while scrambling to finish your essay. But all you’d really been able to think about was how much you just really, really wanted a hug.

Which must be why you find yourself standing here, now — you’d wanted comfort, and without thinking, your feet had taken you to Chan’s door.

Somehow, at some undesignated point, Chan had become your safe space.

And that’s… that’s a big realization for you. Huge. Potentially earth-shattering, if you were to really think about it. Which, no. Now is not the time for you to have any kind of Big Feelings epiphanies about your best friend — you feel like you’re barely hanging on by a thread as it is. So you quickly shove any and all related thoughts into your “for later” folder and blink back into the present.

You're still standing in front of Chan's apartment door, and you quickly bring your arm down when you realize you still have it raised to knock. A beat passes, and you raise your hand again, only to bring it immediately back to your side.

Fuck.

You know you need to go home and finish your essay, to eat and snag an hour or so of sleep if you can, you know this. But apparently, your heart has taken over control of your feet, because try as you might, you can't seem to get them to move.

And you hate this, because it feels like any semblance of control you might have had has slipped from between your fingers and scattered like dropped marbles on the faux-tile floor.

It's too much. Like a marionette with its strings cut, you let your body tilt forward, your head thumping into the solid wood of the door.

Thirty seconds, you decide. That's how long you're going to let yourself fall apart. And then you're going to pull yourself together, pull all the aching, exhausted pieces back into place, and you're going to go home and do your stupid essay and convince yourself that your existence is not a burden to everyone around you.

It's a solid plan, you think. Except, when you only have seven seconds left of your personal pity party, the door you're still leaning against swings open and you stumble forward. A pair of sturdy hands catch your shoulders, and suddenly you find yourself face-to-face with a very confused Chan.

"Whoah, y/n? You okay? What’s going on?”

The only thought that manages to break through the sudden panic parkouring around every crevice of your brain is how your best friend looks like a dream-shaped miracle, while you must look like an absolute train wreck.

The threadbare hoodie you have on over your food-stained uniform is dingy at best, and its deep navy color matches the dark bags you know are drooping under your eyes. You didn't bother with makeup since you always sweat it off at work anyway, the pimples along your jaw on display, and your hair is a tangled mess atop your head. Basically, you feel gross and exhausted and like you're the epitome of Stressed the Fuck Out™️.

And then there's Lee Chan, barefaced and beautiful and looking like the epitome of soft and comfortable. He’s wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants beneath an oversized dark grey t-shirt that looks so soft the thought of touching it almost makes you want to cry. His hair is adorably tousled and curling a bit at the ends, like he’d just finished rubbing a towel over his head after a shower, and the light from his apartment casts a warm, golden halo around his head — an angel of domesticity.

“Y/n?” His hands slide from your shoulders down to your biceps and give a soft squeeze, dark brows furrowed in concern.

Guilt slams into you with the force of a freight train. You're bothering him, he's obviously getting ready for bed; you're such an inconvenience, why would you drag him into your bullshit; you still have so much to do, why are you wasting his time like this; why can you never do anything right?

You step back, out of his grasp — practically a flinch. “Sorry. I— sorry."

Immediately, you miss his touch. The places on your arms where he held you feel like they've been magnetically charged, and you stare at the way his hands hover in the air like he’s still trying to hold you — the positive to your negative.

"I shouldn't—" you start, watching his hands slowly lower to his sides. Something cracks inside your chest, and you take another step back. Your voice turns thick. "Sorry. I'm— I'm gonna go."

You start to turn, to walk down the hallway and out of the building and into the crushing night, but Chan's voice stops you. "Wait!"

And when have you ever been able to ignore him?

Unbidden, your eyes are drawn back to him — to the way he's half-stepped out of the doorway, bare feet peeking out from the fabric of his pants, one hand stretched out towards you.

He looks at you, really looks at you, and takes another careful step forward. "I—" He bites his lip. "I'm here for you, y/n. What do you need?"

What do you need?

Your heart is the one that answers, tears finally spilling over your cheeks and dripping down to your chin. "Channie..." You swallow the lump in your throat and croak, "I just really need a hug."

Between one breath and the next, you find yourself completely wrapped up in his arms. His hold is somehow both crushing and gentle, and you think that maybe, just maybe, it's the exact kind of embrace you could let yourself fall apart in.

"Aish, why didn't you say so," Chan murmurs into the crown of your head, voice tinged with worry but warm and heavy like a weighted blanket. "I've always got hugs locked and loaded for you."

You feel him flex the tiniest bit and it startles a choked laugh out of you. That laugh quickly morphs into a sob, though, and the next thing you know, you're crying into his chest and he's murmuring gentle nothings to you as he waddles the both of you into the apartment. Not once do his arms move from where they're wrapped around you, even as he closes the door and brings the two of you to the couch, pulling you down so you're leaning against his chest.

Time passes. You're not sure how much, exactly, but you do know that Chan holds you the entire time, rubbing soothing arcs across your back and rocking you in a gentle sway. His quiet reassurances and little anecdotes have turned into soft humming — tender melodies pressed to the top of your head that drip down into your chest cavity and slowly fill up the aching empty.

When your cries have died down to the occasional sniffle, Chan pulls you impossibly closer and lets out a deep breath. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah." It comes out stuffy, your nose completely clogged from all the crying you just did. "Ugh."

Chan snorts, and you think that it's finally come time for you to leave the haven of his arms. That it's time for you to laugh it all off and convince him you're fine and make your way back to your apartment. But he doesn't move, doesn't give any kind of indication that he wants you to leave. He just keeps holding you, and you keep letting him, and you let yourself rest in the gentle rise and fall of his chest beneath your cheek.

"You really scared me, you know?" He swallows. "I've never seen you cry like that before."

No one's ever seen me cry like that, you think. And then the guilt starts creeping back in. It's different than the overwhelming guilt from earlier, more muted but somehow more precise in the way it pierces your heart — a needle compared to a battering ram.

"Sorry," you murmur. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"No, that's not—" He sighs harshly through his nose. "I'm glad you came to me, okay? I want to be here for you, for everything." His arms flex around you. "What's the point of having these guns if I can't use them to hold you when you need it?"

You know he's just saying it to cheer you up, to make you smile, but... That "for later" folder is suddenly at the forefront of your mind, the repressed feelings within it bursting at the seams, and all you can think is — oh.

Chan loosens his grip when he feels you start to move, but he doesn't let go. He lets you adjust within the circle of his arms until you're both facing each other as you lean against the back of the couch and you're able to look him in the eyes for the first time since you started crying.

There's half of a smile pulling up one corner of his mouth leftover from the quip he made, but a furrow rests between his brows, and there's... something shining in his eyes, an emotion that you can't quite place.

It makes you feel tingly with some kind of anticipation — dread or hope or some weird combination of both.

You ask, "Even when I'm gross and snotty and just cried all over you?"

"Especially then."

And maybe it's the way the warm lamplight drapes itself across his face, creating soft shadows and gauzy highlights, but you're reminded of a painting you came across in one of your art classes. You can't remember the name of it or even the artist, but you remember the colors, warm and soft with a glowing center. And you remember the way the large brushstrokes were somehow both bold and hesitant, full of a feeling so big and scary it took every ounce of will to try and scrape them out for the world to see.

He looks at you, and you look at him, both of you searching. "Y/n, I..." he starts. Something determined settles in his eyes, and then, both bold and hesitant, "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met."

You're not sure if you remember how to breathe.

The disbelief must show on your face because he scowls at you. "I'm serious."

A thousand questions pound against your ribs in time with your heart — how? why? when? me? me? me? — but what comes out, nearly a whisper, is, "You really mean it?"

His laugh is incredulous, like the question is somehow ludicrous. "Yeah, y/n. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm kind of in love with you?"

You don't think he meant to say that, based on the way his eyes go wide and he bites his lip. But he doesn't take it back.

He doesn't take it back, and you feel hope bloom bright and ferocious inside your chest.

"Yeah?" you ask, breathless.

He smiles, small and lopsided. "Yeah."

A smile stretches across your face, so wide that your cheeks are already aching, and you have the distinct privilege of watching that same hope blossom across Chan's face.

"I think I'm kind of in love with you, too."

His grin is a shot to your fluttering heart, so bright and wide you wonder if it's morning already, the sun rising with the force of his smile. "Yeah?" he echoes, and he leans forward until your foreheads are touching.

If this is a dream, you never want it to end. "Yeah."

He leans impossibly closer, your noses brushing. "I think I'm gonna kiss you now if that's okay with you."

And this is how you know it's not a dream, because Lee Chan, your best friend whom you're in love with and who's also apparently in love with you, just said he was going to kiss you and your brain promptly implemented a complete factory reset.

Head empty, no thoughts, just Chan's lips hovering inches away from yours. And when they don't get any closer, you remember that you need to give some kind of verbal response.

"Yeah. That's— yeah. Yes. I would— yes." You think your face might be on fire. "Yeah? Yes. I think you broke my brain a little bit, so if— yeah. If you could please just kiss me alr—"

He mercifully cuts you off, laughing into the kiss, and you wish you could bottle this moment — the sound, the feeling, all of it. His hands come up to cup your face, turning the chaste press of lips into something long and lingering, gentle and yearning, and it feels like the both of you are saying finally, finally, finally.

With a satisfied sigh that makes your toes curl, he pulls just far enough away to murmur, "Promise you'll keep coming to me, okay? For everything. Forever."

"Okay, Channie," you promise, just as quiet.

You have a feeling your feet will always take you exactly where you need to go.