#everything changes as in you and your family and friends and coworkers grow every day

[marsgalaxias]

I lead a very interesting and eventful life, and frequently my friends have joked I live in a sitcom, and I honestly don't think I've done anything other than take advantage of my opportunities. my mindset can pretty much be summed up as, "nothing matters, but everything matters, and nothing changes, but everything changes!" like it's literally just about putting things in perspective for your happiness. you do you, bro.

[reidmania]

maiden name | s.reid

summary; reader is struggling to accept having to change her last name, spencer is there to remind her he will love her regardless.

warnings; fem reader, talks about changing names, reader has a healthy childhood (the fact this is a warning?!?) reader grew up with two brothers, fiancee!reader, almost smitten spencer, mentions a childhood dog death, doubts, anxiety, hurt x comfort, a little angst but its pretty sweet overall, happy ending duh! Reader graduated highschool and uni

an; HAI GUYS!! first fic in who knows how long 🔥🔥

Spencer was perfect. The proposal was perfect. Private, safe, romantic. Everything you had always dreamed of and more. He had made sure you had gotten your nails done recently enough, he made sure you loved them. He used Penelope and his female coworkers to figure out exactly what ring you would want. Of course, he already knew, but their reassurance helped.

You didn’t see it coming, but that wasn’t a bad thing. saying yes to spending the rest of your life with Spencer Reid was the easiest thing you had ever done. You never doubted that for a second, the fact you wanted Spencer, everyday, for the rest of your life. To feel the warmth of him when you woke up, or to see the small note on your bedside table when he had to wake up early for work and didn’t want to disturb you.

You wanted his long rambles, and beautiful mind everyday, for as long as the universe would allow you to have it. You wanted his too sweet left over coffee’s when you were running late and he offered you the rest of his so you didn’t have to wait for your own to brew.

You wanted his fears, everything that made him second guess, you wanted every chance to reassure him, you would spend the rest of your life reminding him how perfect he was to you, for you, and you would do so happily.

You were completely enthralled by Spencer from the moment you met him. And he never let you second guess if he felt the same when his actions made the answer clear as day. Spencer was the person you wanted to have a family with, to grow old with.

So why, a week before your wedding did a daunting feeling fill your stomach.

“You alright, baby?” Spencer’s hands gripped your waist gently as he moved past you in the kitchen, where the two of you were supposed to be cooking dinner. This had been routine, something you fell in love with. One night, dedicated to making dinner together. Eating it while watching some documentaries, because to you and him date nights didn’t need to be fancy, just together.

You however had zoned out, probably for the last long while. You had been cutting tomatos but your thoughts had gotten the best of you, leaving you staring at the knife in your hands, but not really looking at it. Now, snapped out of your daze, your head turned to Spencer as he held out a sheet of paper towel for you to wipe your hands.

You took it, pushing a soft smile to your lips. “Sorry- Yeah.” You said, eyes moving to the paper towel as you wiped away the juices the tomato had left. Spencer seemed unconvinced but hummed, moving to wrap his arms around your waist, his chin finding place on your shoulder.

The way his hands slipped under your (his) t-shirt, fingernails drawing gently up and down the skin of your waist, made you smile. The action so gentle and full of everything you needed in that moment. “Talk to me, sweet girl.” The touch a grounding reassurance that Spencer Reid, was not the issue.

And while you couldn’t seem to pinpoint the exact reason, you knew that reason was sitting in your childhood home, at the breakfast bar in the morning, the house smelling sweet with whatever your mother had been cooking for breakfast, the front door left wide open as your brothers came in and out, noise following where ever they went. Their friends coming in to steal a slice of toast, or a piece of fruit before they drove you all too school.

Because your house was the type of house they could do that.

The reason was in the living room on weekends, where you watched your brothers laughing and fighting over the mario kart round they had been playing, while you sat on the floor in between your mums legs while she braided your hair. Your dad due home from work any moment, which would be followed by more chaos and laughter because Saturday nights were movie night.

It was in long car rides full of meaningless bickering with your brothers, then a lot of giggling, pit stops and bathroom breaks. It was in your dad carrying you inside after you fell asleep in the car, which eventually turned into your brothers carrying you inside, when everyone got older and your dad’s back was no longer equipped for carrying body weight, your brothers never minded.

The reason was in your brother’s shared bedroom curled up in one of the beds, both of them on either of your side, all three teary eyed and sniffling because your childhood dog had just passed away and at 15, there was no where safer then in your older brothers arms. The reason was in how they allowed you to sleep on a mattress in their room for a month after, because your room felt too lonely without your dogs company anymore.

The reason was in when you graduated from high school, and your family cheered so loudly you couldn’t hear anyone else. It was in the flowers they gave you, in the hugs — and how it was the exact same when you graduated from university. It was in doing the exact same for your brothers when they graduated.

You hadn’t realised Spencer’s arms were wrapped around you, at some point you shifted, or he shifted you so your face was buried in his chest, cheeks tear stained. His hand on the back of your head, rubbing gently over your hair. Movement so tender it made you realise now Spencer’s arms were the safest place in the world.

“M’ sorry” you sniffled as you pulled away from the hug, the knuckles of your fingers coming to wipe away the wet spots under your eyes that left an uncomfortable residue of everything you were feeling. A shaky sort of breathless laugh leaving your lips, “It’s not a big deal, I’m being dramatic.” You smiled up at Spencer, a sad sort of smile.

He smiled back but you could see the worry in his eyes as he leant over to turn off the stove. He could read you better than you could, well enough to know this wasn’t a conversation you could have while juggling between cooking dinner. His hands then moved to cup your face, thumbs replacing your knuckles as he wiped away whatever was left on your cheeks.

“If its making you cry, its not dramatic, its how you feel.” He mumbled gently, eyes dancing over your face. Before he leant forward, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, the sort of one that made you exhale and melt into him a bit, the soft, lingering one he saved for moments when he knew you needed it. “Talking about it?” He asked, because he knew you, and knew sometimes all you needed was to cry, words weren’t always necessary to deal with it.

But you nodded, sniffling slightly. “Talking about it.” You agreed gently. Back of your hand coming to wipe your nose, followed by another sniffle.

Spencer smiled, “Okay pretty, go sit on the couch and I’ll make you a tea yeah?” He offered gently, you knew it was more because he knew you’d need a minute to mentally prepare what you were going to say, he knew you’d do that better without his gaze on you. He knew you’d be more comfortable on the couch, in the corner where you had a place to sink into in the corner because at least once, you would feel silly and embarrassed. Spencer knew you.

You nodded, offering him a grateful smile to which he responded by scrunching up his nose a little playfully, pressing another two quick kisses against your forehead before letting you go so you could walk to the living room. Which you sat, trying to make sense of your own emotions.

He didn’t take long but you know he waited till you nodded to follow through with entering the living room. He sat close, but not close enough to overwhelm you if your emotions became too much, but still close enough for you to feel he was there, enough to remind you that he was not the reason you were down.

The candle, the one lit in the middle of your coffee table, the same one your mother had lit your entire childhood didn’t help the way you were feeling, but it didn’t make it worse. In a way it was comforting, just no longer comforting enough.

“Did i do something?” Spencer asked, because he knew figuring out what the issue was vaguely would help him help you, and it would help you build the courage to tell him what was going on, and what you needed from him in order to fix this.

You shook your head, smiling gently. “No, Spence. It’s not— Nobody did anything. It’s just me.” You said quietly, his face twisted into something familiar, concern, doubt, worry. You hated that, and he knew you did. When he jumped to conclusions in his mind, overthinking getting the better of him.

“Second guessing?” He asked, his lip then caught in his teeth as he tried not to show how much getting the answer terrified him. You knew what he meant, second guessing the wedding, getting married. You almost wanted to laugh at his lack of understanding of how impossible it was for you to doubt that, when he was him, and oh so perfect, all the time even when he wasn’t — especially when he wasn’t.

You shook your head again, “No.” it was simple, straightforward because it was true.

He sighed something similar to relief, his eyes studying yours for a moment. “You gotta help me out here, angel.” He silently pleaded with you, because he tried not to show it, but you knew your random crying and emotional change was concerning to him, because he cared about you in an all consuming way.

“I don’t— i don’t know how to make it make sense.” You said quietly, looking down to fiddle with the engagement ring on your finger. Not because you were thinking about taking it off, but because it was something safe, and fiddling helped calm you down.

“Word vomit, I’ll put it together.” He said. A familiar line you had heard a hundred times, and he always seemed to prove that.

You sniffled again. “I- I just-“ you sighed, “I want to make it clear I’m not doubting you or us or anything— And its not that I don’t want yours.. Really its not— I like the way it sounds. I love your family.. Your mum- i feel bad i feel this way. I love you and I’m yours forever, I want this, I want you and I can’t wait” You breathed out, then your voice broke and the tears started all over again, a wet lining on your eyes that made your vision blurry and you afraid to blink, “And I’ll really miss my last name.”

You didn’t watch Spencer’s face twist into something a lot gentler and softer, as he shuffled closer on the couch to wrap his arms around you. It was easy to melt into him, so secure and safe and something that made this so difficult. Something you should be excited for feeling so scary and distant, and you really did feel bad you felt this way.

“You don’t have to change it, honey. You- I would take your name a million times if thats what you wanted — You don’t- Oh Im so sorry baby.” He mumbled as he pressed a handful of kisses into your hair, his hand moving to smooth it over in between.

“We could hyphenate it, if that’s what you wanted. God- Honey I don’t care about whose last name we take as long as I have you.” He said gently, voice so soft and honest in made your stomach twist and you wish you could better explain yourself, but you melted into him, letting the tears fall from your eyes.

A shaky breath left your lips, “Its not even so much about the name.” You spoke out quietly, “I guess— Its just my family, my life- Im good with change, y’know I am— I just.. I want yours— I’m just really gonna miss mine.” You breathed out.

He nodded and you could feel it, his hand moving from your head to your lower back.

“Okay— Thats okay. We can wait a while, yeah? You don’t have to change it immediately, we can wait till you have processed it and you’re ready. And if then — You decide you want to keep yours, or you want me to change mine, thats okay too. Sounds like a plan?” He offered.

Perfect Spencer Reid. He never failed you remind you. His patience and gentleness everlasting and unconditional.

“Sounds like a plan.”

[miizuzu]

A Promise Kept - Part 3

“How did??” You couldn't even finish your question. Your voice was caught in your throat.

“Come on, you really thought you could run from me? Even destiny brought us together. I was visiting my uncle and cousin when your packages arrived. I even helped you sign for them. Aren't I the best boyfriend?”

“Zenin, we broke up a long time ago.”

“Naoya. Also I never agreed to breaking up. Only allow you to have some time alone, and you dare to try and run from me.” 

He cages you in with both his arms next to your head, you've backed yourself along the wall and now you have nowhere to run. You were shivering in fear, couldn't help but get Flash back from the past.

Naoya Zenin was your first relationship. Right after moving to Tokyo, you transfered into his class. You were very friendly and active so you ended up with a lot of friends. Naoya was one of your closest friends, he helped you get used to your new life in Tokyo. You used to tell him about your friends from before you moved and he would enjoy listening to your stories. He would easily get jealous when other boys got your attention. It wasn't too bad at first but it gradually got worse. 

He asked you out on your 16th birthday, and you agreed. His family was rich, and they went away on vacation a lot, even throughout the school year. He was pretty smart in school, so the teachers didn't have much to say for him going away. He would be so nice whenever he comes back, but as soon as he realized there are guys close to you he would get mad. He would yell at you like it was your fault, you shouldn't be so friendly towards everyone. He would constantly make you choose between him and your friends, to a point you stopped talking to others just so he wouldn't be mad at you. 

He would never be there when you needed him, always away on vacation and when you called him while he's away, he would call you clingy and tell you to grow up. By the time you noticed how bad it was, it was already too late. All your friends had left you, you had no one else. 

You stayed with him, thinking you had no one else. You couldn't talk to anyone without him getting mad at you. On your 18th birthday, he asked for your virginity and you gave it to him, not because of love, but because of fear. Fear that you would lose the last person who matters to you. 

After taking your first time, everything went downhill. Nothing you do ever satisfies him. Even in bed, he would criticize you for every little thing. How you always make him use a condom and never let him finish inside you. Saying your moans sounds forced and you should keep quiet, or you just lay there like a dead fish. 

You finally had enough of him and said you needed time. He said fine and went on his family vacation. That's when you finally decided to run from him. You packed all your things and moved away, found another city and that's how you ended up here. 

You find that you could no longer talk to people normally if it is not work related, it felt awkward every time you tried talking to someone. Your only escape was your feline friends. 

You stood there, frozen in fear. You do not want to go back to those dark days, you managed to avoid him for 4 years, changing your phone number multiple times, only to be dragged back into his life. 

You were saved by your coworker who came looking for you when your break time was over. You got back to work, but you couldn't help your hands from shaking. Naoya never left, he tugged himself at the back of the sitting area, watching your every move. He would get frustrated when you help male customers. He tapped his foot loudly and got a lot of attention. Your coworkers were so close to asking your manager to send you home early just because they didn't want him to cause problems. 

You were trying to think of ways to get away, and as if it was right on que, Satoru walks in with a bouquet of flowers. Naoya eyed him down right away, Satoru didn't notice him, his attention was on you, and how he could see something was wrong. Satoru walked in front of you with a worried look.

“Y/N? Is everything ok? You don't look so good.” 

“......help me.” You whispered.

Satoru turned serious, he reached for your hand only to be yanked back by Naoya.

“What are you trying to do?” Naoya questions Satoru.

“None of your business.” Satoru calmly glares at Naoya.

“It is my business. I am her boyfriend.” Naoya smirks at Satoru.

Satoru looked at you and you shook your head. He knows it's not true. He has never even seen a single picture of them at your house. Never seen him or even heard you talk about having a boyfriend. 

“Well it doesn't seem that way, plus, we are currently dating.” Satoru grabs your hand over the counter. 

Naoya was about to punch Satoru when he was stopped by the store manager. She kicked him out for disturbing the other customers and her employee. Your coworkers actually stood by your side and tried to protect you from Naoya. That one girl feeling bad for not checking with you first before letting him in to see you. 

Your manager told you to take the rest of the day off, telling Satoru to get you home safely which he instantly agreed. The 2 of you took the back door to avoid Naoya, but not sure where you should go since he knows where you live. 

“We could go to my place? Only if you are comfortable with it. I could get you a hotel room if you like.” 

“Anywhere is fine. I just want to get out of here.”

Satoru nods and leads the way to one of his homes. He told you to go in front of him, keeping a safe distance between the 2 of you, wanting you to feel more relaxed. He told you where to go and you followed his instructions, arriving at the building of his penthouse. 

You didn't really speak during the whole way here, the only thing said was Satoru telling you directions. He got you settled down inside. He offered you some hot cocoa and sat you down on the couch. He then disappeared into his room, you didn't even have time to thank him. You were grateful for his help, you also appreciate him giving you space and not questioning you like others would. 

Even though you didn't want to talk, you do want some company, you are just not sure how you should ask, since things ended a bit awkward between you and Satoru. 

It was as if Satoru read your mind, he came out of his room, not as his human form, but his cat form. He slowly walked towards you, and when he saw you petting the couch next to you to invite him over, he quickly hopped onto the spot, nugging your forearm with his head. 

You pet his head gently and scratched his chin. “Thank you for helping me. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there today.” 

You could hear him pur as you kept petting him. You suddenly remembered your friend while you were young. Almost as if the memories Naoya made you suppressed come rushing back. 

“You know, I used to have a best friend who was like you. He could also turn into a cat and would always comfort me when I'm down.” 

Satoru stiffens, before jumping off the couch and running back into his room. 

You were confused why he suddenly went away, you went after him but he locked himself in his room.

“Satoru? Are you ok? Did I say something wrong?”

“......” No answer.

“Hey… you're worrying me now. What happened?”

“So you really don't remember me…” he pouts as he swings the door open, he's turned back into human form, well not completely. His ears and tail were still showing, he got a towel and wrapped his lower body so you wouldn't see him naked.

That's when it finally struck you. His hair and eye color, merging with the memory of your best friend from the past. Finally remembering him. 

“So… you were him all along…”

“Mmhmm…”

“Wait, so you knew it was me?”

“Mmhmm.”

“How? I couldn't even remember after everything that's happened.” 

“You've never once left my mind. I promised that I would be your cat, I have every intention to keep my promise to always be with you.”

You could feel tears threatening to spill from your eyes. After his whole heartedly confession you hugged him in your arms tightly. 

“I'm sorry, Satoru! I'm so sorry for forgetting about you! So much had happened. I'm sorry!” 

You started bawling, Satoru held you tight in his embrace. You felt safe, everything felt right. This is where you belong.

He lets you go when you finally calmed down. He excused himself to put on some clothes as he got you to wait in the living room. 

You were sitting back on the couch, everything happened all at once. Your mind was going on overload. Satoru made his way over to you and kneeled down in front of you, grabbing hold of your hands.

“You can count on me. I will always be there for you. You are welcome to stay here as long as you like. As long as you're comfortable.”

You nodded and thanked him again. You could hear Satoru's stomach growling, he hadn't eaten anything yet. He turned away embarrassed, which made you laugh at him. 

“Can I see what's in your kitchen?”

“Sure, my fridge is pretty well stocked.”

He wasn't kidding. You could find anything in there, and everything seems fresh. He had people who would come and clean and cook for him. There was also a full shelf of sweets and cakes. You know he had a sweet tooth from his cup of cream and sugar with a drop of coffee. 

You asked him for an apron before pulling things out of the fridge to prepare for a meal. Satoru always hoped that there would be a day where he could be around you while you cook with him staying close to you in his human form. He was so happy his wish came true. 

“Is there anything you want me to make?”

“Sweet Tamago!” 

Of course he would pick a sweet dish. You sighed and laughed at him. You got the ingredients out and cracked the eggs into a bowl, you put in the sugar and soy and a hint of fish sauce and you asked him to whisk everything together. He enjoyed being your helper as you prep the other ingredients. His kitchen had everything, if you could put your mind to it, he had it. It made it so easy to cook everything. The sweet tamago was made perfectly with the square pan. You always make them weird looking since you only have a round pan at home. 

You set the dinner table, you could see Satoru's eyes glittering. He pinched his cheeks as if he was trying to see if he was dreaming. You told him to sit and eat while it was still hot. He loves your cooking, eating so fast he almost choked. 

“Slow down, I can always make more. No need to rush.” 

“You cook so well. I've been wanting to tell you.” 

Satoru hits you with a childlike toothy smile, your heart beating out of your chest, finally remembering he was your first crush. You wanted to keep in touch but didn't know how. You and your mother left in a rush and you were sad for a long time. Even after meeting Naoya, you would talk about your fun times with Satoru, which made Naoya brainwash you into actually suppressing all your memories of him. 

Satoru helped with cleaning up after dinner. It was the first time he got to help, he offered to wash the dishes and asked if you like to shower and just relax. You took his offer for a shower and he lent you his t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

Satoru focused hard on the dishes as he heard the shower running, he couldn't help but be reminded of how you look naked and could feel his blood rushing south. He didn't want to be a creep about it but you just have this effect on him. He wanted to touch himself so bad but held it in, thinking of everything and anything for his buddy to calm down. 

“I'm done with my shower, it's your turn.”

You walked out, wearing his oversized clothes on your tiny body, his eyes linger a bit longer than they should. Satoru started nose bleeding, he quickly grabbed the washcloth and covered his nose. He excuses himself again as he sprinted to his room and slammed the door behind him. ‘How can someone look this adorable in baggy clothes???!!’ You were pretty well covered but he thought that was the sexiest thing you've ever worn. 

Satoru didn't want to be rude so he shouted from his room, telling you he will be taking his shower now and that you could find something to watch while you wait. He quickly slipped into the showers, his hands making quick work to relieve the throbbing pain on his cock, squeezing tight around the base before furiously stroking himself, picturing how cute you looked just now. He let out a pornographic moan before shooting his thick load, wishing someday you would be on the receiving end. 

You watched TV as you waited, not sure what tomorrow would bring. What could you do? Naoya knows where you live and where you work, how can you continue hiding from him? You could feel another headache every time he occupied your mind. You were lost in deep thoughts when Satoru came out, he saw you laying on the couch, your brows furrowed and your eyes were closed. He pokes at the spot between your eyebrows, something you used to do to him long ago when he was overthinking. 

“You must be tired, I have spare rooms you can stay in. It would be more comfortable than sleeping on the couch.”

His smile was so gentle it was making you melt. You nodded your head and followed him to a room close to his own. 

“Well then, good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Satoru.” 

He turns to walk towards his own room but your arm moves on its own, grabbing the bottom of his t-shirt. 

Satoru's eyes widened and kept blinking at you with a semi confused look. You let go of him and apologize, “Sorry! I don't know what came over me! Good night!!” You tried to close the door only for Satoru to intercept. 

“If you want me to stay, you only have to ask.” Satoru smirks as he enters the room. You stumbled backwards towards the bed, your legs hit the side of the bed and you ended up sitting on the bed. 

He walked closer and started taking his shirt off.

“???! What are you doing??” Your hands fly to your face and you cover your eyes as you squeeze them shut. “Don't worry, I'll take care of you.” 

You could tell he was taking off his pants too but you kept your eyes covered. Next thing you felt was Satoru rubbing against you, in cat form. He thought you wanted his company, which he wasn't wrong, but you didn't know how you should ask him to stay. He hopped onto the bed and patted on the pillow with his paw, telling you to go lay down. You moved toward the pillow and laid your head on it, Satoru lay beside you, not as close as he did before, but close enough for you to feel his presence. 

“Thank you Satoru, sweet dreams.”

You closed your eyes and could hear his soft purrs, it lulled you to sleep soon after. You haven't had a good night's rest for a while, the same goes for Satoru, his worst fear was that you would hate him and never let him see you again. You both had a sweet dream, dreaming of when you both used to play together, always having one another.

Satoru woke up before your alarm went off, he always does. He just likes to pretend to be asleep and hear you giggle at his silly sleeping poses. He's still in cat form, but he wished he was in human form. He wants to touch you so badly, not in a sexual way, just feeling you in general. Your hair falls perfectly over your features, cheeks look so smooth and soft and your lips look oh so, so, So sweet. 

Maybe he could have a taste before you get up? He leaned in slowly, his heart was beating out of his chest, he could hear the ba-thumps ringing in his ear. He was SO close, he could almost taste you, his whiskers accidentally touched you and you turned away. He didn't have the courage to try again, since your alarm will go off soon. He laid himself down, just watching your peaceful sleeping face. This is all he wishes for right now, he shouldn't be greedy and scare you away again. 

Your alarm finally rings, you reach for it and turn it off. You turned your head and saw Satoru staring at you, instead of resisting or hiding, your arm moved to pet him.

“Good morning Satoru, You're up early.”

Satoru purrs to your touch before jumping off the bed, walking towards his clothes and dragging them outside with him. He returned shortly after, fully dressed. 

“Good morning. How was your sleep?” 

“Great! Haven't had a good night's sleep for a while.”

“... I'm sorry, it was all because of me wasn't it?”

“Don't worry about it, I already forgave you. A while ago actually… I just wanted to prank you a bit more.”

Satoru was shocked, he could sense things were getting better but he didn't want to jump to conclusions. 

“I promise I won't lie to you ever again.” 

He looks so sincere, just kneeling down by your bed, keeping himself away because he wasn't sure what you feel about him being close. You thought he was very thoughtful, always keeping you in mind, nothing like the person you used to be with, so arrogant and selfish, only thinking of himself. 

You could feel your heart racing, your old memories of how much you enjoyed his company floods your mind. With him always putting you first, and with him being your first love, he had you crushing like a school girl all over again. 

You listened to your heart, your hands reached to cup his face, his eyes widened before you surprised him by pulling his face towards your own, capturing his lips. 

Satoru never would have expected that, he wasn't sure what you thought of him right now, but this? He couldn't resist at all, the moment your lips touched his, his eyes were rolled back so far in bliss. He felt like he was melting, you taste so much sweeter than he could ever imagine. He responds back by seeking access with his tongue, you parting your lips and even extending yours to meet him halfway had him moaning as both of your tongues danced in harmony. 

You and Satoru lost the sense of time, losing your mind on each other's kisses. Satoru was drowning in pleasure, he had wished for this day to come a lifetime ago. Both you and Satoru became a drooling mess, both still unwilling to let the other go. Just as Satoru was leaning in, about to push you down to the bed, your phone started ringing. 

You both snapped out of your trance, wiping the drool that seeped out from the corners of your mouth, you picked up the phone and realized it was your manager calling. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Y/N, I just wanted to let you know, the guy who showed up yesterday is here again. You might want to take a day off, you have vacation saved up too if you would like to use them. Just let me know.”

“Thank you so much Uraume, I'll take some time off then. I'll have this figured out before returning to work. Thanks for your understanding. Help me thank the others as well.”

You hung up the phone and sighed. Not sure what you should do next. Satoru knows something is up, it is written all over your face. 

“Is it him again?”

You nodded. 

“What's his problem anyway? Why is he acting like he's your boyfriend?”

You sighed but decided it was best to tell him what had happened between you and Naoya.

Satoru sat there, processing all the information that you've just given him. He thought Naoya was an asshole and he never deserved you. He was hurting to hear that your first was given to him.

“Y/N.” Satoru said with a very serious face.

“Let me protect you from now on. I won't let him hurt you anymore. You shouldn't have to change for anyone. You can be yourself when you're with me. Let me take care of you. Will you be my girlfriend?”

You were shocked from his sudden confession, you were overwhelmed with happiness, tears were flowing from your eyes, you haven't felt this way for a long time. You eagerly nodded, your arms flung around the back of his head, his arms held your middle protectively as he was also overjoyed. 

With your feelings finally reaching each other, Satoru thought you could stay at his place for now, at least until the Naoya issue is settled. He suggested for you to stay over, since he has the space and you both could use each other's company. Your only problem was you not having any personal belongings other than your wallet and your phone. You haven't had the chance to get home since Naoya’s sudden appearance. Right now the 2 of you were just enjoying being in each other's embrace. 

The tender moment was cut short by your grumbling tummy. You turned away embarrassed while Satoru chuckled. He suggested going to the mall to pick up some things for you to stay over, since he wasn't sure if you should go grab them from your place since Naoya could also be waiting for you there. You agreed and you both went to get ready to head out, you changed back into your uniform, since it was just a white blouse and black pants, it looked better than wearing Satoru's oversized t-shirt.

Satoru was in one of his fancier dress shirts and dark pants. Your gaze stayed on him for a bit longer as you felt your cheeks starting to burn. You don't want to admit it but he did look good in everything he wore, you thought that before as well, even when you couldn't remember him and thought he was just acting like a thorn in your sides. 

“Like what you see?”

“Yup.” 

Your straightforwardness actually caught him off guard, he's now blushing and looking away, fiddling with his hair as you giggled. He extended his hand for you to hold, you reached for it with no hesitation. The 2 of you left his penthouse and headed for the mall in his car. You 2 held onto each other's hands every opportunity you got. 

You had a meal together, went to buy a matching toothbrush and towel, even a few sets of matching pajamas. Satoru insisted he paid everything, he knew you could afford everything you want but he just wants to spoil you rotten. He was going overboard, to a point where if you just look at something a second longer, he would buy it. He bought you different outfits and dresses, some he just picked out thinking they would look good on you. He was carrying so many bags it was starting to get difficult walking, he didn't want to stop buying things for you though, wanting to put everything he bought so far in the car so he could get more. 

You 2 walked by a lingerie shop and Satoru stopped for a second, eyes landing on the set on display. He quickly shook his head and started walking again. You told him to bring the items to the car, and that you had to use the bathroom first. Satoru insisted he wait for you but you told him it wouldn't take long and that he is carrying too much stuff, so he sighed and agreed. 

Satoru went to the parking area, putting all the bags in the trunk, it could hardly fit with the amount of bags there were. It took him a while to finally put everything away and you went to the parking lot right after. 

On the way back to Satoru's apartment, you told him to think of what he wanted for dinner, as a thank you for buying you all the things. He doesn't really know what he likes most since he loves everything you made him. He suggested you make him dessert, and you thought you could make him some cupcakes. 

When you arrived back at the parking of the penthouse, Satoru asked some of the receptionists in the front to help carry stuff back upstairs. The ladies were all fond of Satoru, so young and rich, too bad he was never interested in anyone other than you. They envied you when he carried most of the bags, while the ladies carried some and you just stood there empty handed other than your personal bag. You kind of felt bad for them, you could have carried your own things but Satoru wouldn't let you. 

After putting everything inside, Satoru gave the girls a generous tip for helping with the bags, they thanked them happily and went back downstairs. The bags were everywhere, it would take a while to sort everything. You appointed Satoru to do the sorting while you prepared to make his dinner and dessert. 

He brought the bags in the spare room and started filling the drawers and closet with the new items. His thoughts went back to the lingerie shop, he looked up the site with his phone and scrolled through sets he thought would look nice on you. Would you wear it for him? He couldn't help but think how nice you would look in them, he had already marked a few and had them added to the online shopping cart. He thought it wouldn't hurt to have a few extra sets of undergarments, right?

It took him a while but he finally got everything sorted. The closet and drawers were already full of clothing. You have months worth of new clothes, he thought maybe you could do a mini fashion show for him. 

The yummy smell of dinner had caught his attention and he came out of the room, going to the kitchen and hugging you from behind while you cooked. He loves just being there with you, and you don't mind him being there as well. You asked him to set the table and he gladly does it. Helping you bring the finished dishes to the table. 

“Your cooking is so much better than the chefs I used to hire. Maybe you should consider living here and being my personal chef.” Satoru jokingly said even though there was 90% truth and the rest of the 10% was wishful thinking. 

You didn't give him an answer, you thought it was too soon to live together, it hasn't even been 24 hours since you got together. You thought of what could have happened, if you didn't move away, would you be together with Satoru? Would you be dating each other sooner? It feels like so much time has already been wasted and you should just do what you want to be happy. 

“We’ll see~” you teased.

Satoru had enough of not being with you, he would marry you right away if you told him yes. He's tired of waiting but he knows he cannot rush you, he respects you too much to not consider how you feel. 

You both finished dinner and you told Satoru to go wash up first while you finish with the desserts. He agreed and went to take his shower. You cleaned up and did the dishes, finishing up with the final touches of his dessert. 

Satoru came out of the shower, wearing the new pajamas that you bought together, he was excited for his desserts but you told him to wait until after you finish with your shower, wanting to savor them together. He patiently waited, looking at his phone once again and buying more outfits for you. (This man needs to stop…) His heart was racing when he saw you come out, wearing the matching pajamas, you left the first button loose on purpose, he could feel heat building up between his legs.

You brought the cupcakes over to the coffee table and grabbed one before sitting yourself down on his lap, making him flinch and stiffen his posture. You turned to face him and began feeding him the cupcake, the blue icing smeared on his lips for him to lick off, moaning at the delicious treat as you fed him more. There was a bit of icing left at the corner of his mouth and you licked it off. 

Satoru was feeling flustered, you must be doing this on purpose right? Were you inviting him to touch you by sitting on his lap? You were driving him insane, he wasn't sure if he should be taking this as a chance to advance or not. You could almost hear the gears spinning in overdrive. 

Satoru's eyes were glued to you, how you took a bite of his cupcake as big chunks fell on your semi exposed chest. 

“Hey Satoru, could you get that for me?” you acted all innocent but you were anything but.

“Umm… Ca-can I?” He started stuttering.

“Yea, help me please?” You changed your position, having one of each leg on his side, semi saddling him as you lean your chest towards his face. 

“You're gonna be the death of me.” He tried to eat the chunk of cake but it fell further into your bra, he looked up at you as if he was waiting for your instructions.

“What are you waiting for? Aren't you going to help me get it out? I thought you wanted your dessert?” You playfully teased him. 

He lets out a sound that was a mix of a whine and a moan. His fingers work to unbutton your pajama top to get to the bra, his eyes widened as he sees you wearing the set of lingerie he was eyeing earlier at the mall.

“!!!” his mouth gape open and he was at a loss of words, his Adam's apple bobbing as his eyes tried to burn the image into his brain. You even picked his favorite color. 

“Do you not like it? You're being awfully quiet.” you continue to tease. 

“You tricked me! You told me you were going to the bathroom. I wanted to buy everything for you!” He starts pouting. 

You put the rest of the cupcake back down and licked your fingers, “Well I wanted to do something for you, since you were so nice to me.” 

“Wait, you got this for me???” 

“Mmhmm, do you like it?”

“Like it? I love it!! Does this mean I get to…”

“Mmhm-” you couldn't even finish as he had already popped your breasts out of its refines, he had one hand on each of your breasts as he rolled his fingers on the hardened nipples, making you whine, before taking one side and sucking it in his mouth. His tongue swirls hungrily on your nipple as his other hand squeezes your other breast. He eats up the piece of cupcake which was stuck between your breasts before moving to suck the other side. 

“So yummy, best dessert ever.”

You were starting to feel a little embarrassed, feeling your whole body was heating up, especially down at your core. You are slightly wiggling awkwardly, Satoru noticed and you could FEEL the smirk on his face. 

“You teased me long enough, now it's my turn.” He abruptly got up, his hands grabbing onto your under thighs as he carried you off to his room. 

“Get ready babe, our fun is just about to begin.”

sorry it was getting way too long so im cutting it off at the BEST PART. look forward to the next part n3n~♥

@moonchhu @non-artistic-license @entr4p3 @prtty-pink-angel @nonamevenus @victoria1676 @haithamsbb @jotarohat @birbwithhat @hel1nn @undercooked-chaos-noodle @akiraneedstobefixed @soozeu @sukunadckrider @yihona-san06

[v3ry-cherry]

gym geto who caught your eye for a moment right after you left the locker room. with the accompany of your friend and in the middle of conversation, you were heading to a scheduled workout in group. he noticed that you two are probably new here because even if he usually didn’t pay much attention to people around him, he was able to recognize some faces. you two made an eye contact for a second because of your little giggle decorated with a bright smile that caught his attention. you, on the other hand, couldn’t miss his sharp features, well shaped muscles and that intense, intriguing gaze

gym geto who almost always wears black. usually there are black shorts, black tank tops and occasionally loose white shirt presenting on his body. he usually keeps his hair in a high bun but sometimes lets it fall freely over his shoulders, especially at the end of his workout when he heads to the locker room. most of the time he also has an earphones with his own playlists prepared for workout

gym geto who starts to remember you because of your admirable face and the slightest tracks of smile. you still bring your friend and talk a lot between excersies so you often have that blissful expression on your face and melodious laughter during conversations that makes him turn his head in your direction every time he hears you

gym geto who start to find adorable everything you’re doing. whether it’s setting up some machines in the gym, exercise on them or doing something on you phone during breaks. he would also notice your progress, growing confidence, softly showing up muscles and changes in your wardrobe choices

gym geto who wouldn’t know how to approach you since he started to think that he really wants to do this. it accidentally happens when you couldn’t move something in the machine and it seemed to be broken so he just went over and tried something that turned out to work. when you exchanged a few words and you thanked him, he walked away satisfied with a big smile and completely squinted eyes because everything went exactly like he imagined

gym geto who was glad you started to greet each other from that day and got into short conversations and little jokes from time to time. he also became the person you turned to most for help or for some random discussions regarding training techniques when you were without your friend

gym geto who once met you at the exit of the building after the workout and it was the first time you talked to each other. during all the way back home you had the opportunity to learn a little more about each other. then he walked you to the bus stop and stood there until you got on the right bus and drove away safely

gym geto with which returns from the gym became an absolute standard and during one of them he finally asked you for your phone number and that's how you started chatting

gym geto who couldn't stop thinking about you. who, even though you haven't gone out on any official date yourself, started to find himself wanting to introduce you to his family, friends and even his coworkers. who dreamed of you two going to the gym together and acting like a couple because you're so wonderful that he just wanted to share you with his little world     

(maybe a little nsfw part 2 soon what do ya think)

masterlist

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hello, I'm here to ask for some advice! I've been the system host for as long as we've had a system, but we - me included - have recently begun thinking it's time for someone else to take over the role. So, I have three questions: 1. What are some good traits for a prospective host to have? What should we be looking for? 2. Do you have any advice for dealing with front-stickiness? 3. On a more personal note... I'm kind of struggling with this. It feels like I've served my purpose and that I'm not needed in the system anymore. Any advice for a nervous soon-to-be ex-host? I'm sorry this is a lot of questions, and it's totally fine if you can't answer this, but I thought I'd ask. Thank you so much for all the work you do!

Hi! We’re not quite sure how to help headmates switch roles, as our system doesn’t function that way and we’ve never been able to consciously choose to swap, take on, or give up a certain role! And when it comes to system hosts, they come in all shapes and sizes! No two systems are alike, and no two systems will have exactly the same needs when it comes to their roles and how to go about fulfilling them.

All that being said, for any system, a host probably will need to:

- Be okay with fronting for extended periods of time.

- Have a basic understanding of their system’s obligations (school/work/chores/etc.)

- Have a basic understanding of their system’s body maintenance and care

- Be willing to interact and maintain relationships with friends, family, classmates, coworkers, and other people in their system’s life

Other than that, we can’t think of much that would apply to every system - sorry about that! For any host, doing their best is everything we could ask for!

On dealing with and overcoming front-stickiness, we’ll happily link this post by @rin-and-jade that covers this topic!

We will say that in our own system, our host is incapable of fully leaving the front at will. This is just the way our system functions! He has not been able to leave the front for longer than a couple days ever since he formed over 10 years ago. And there are many other systems who function in this way! So please don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re not ever able to reach a point where you’re no longer frontstuck! For many systems, this is just how we function and isn’t something that can easily be adjusted or changed.

Finally, some words for you as a soon to be ex-host:

It’s okay to just exist as a member of your system without a solid, well-defined role! You don’t have to have a role in order to be a cherished member of and a valued asset for your system. Just because you will no longer be host does NOT mean that you have no purpose in your system! You can still be a friend, a helper, a guide, a caretaker. You can bring joy to your headmates, help them problem solve, collaborate, bond, and grow together.

Our roles do not define us and they do not determine our worth! In any system, each headmate is an important and treasured member, whether or not they are actively contributing to their system’s overall health, safety, and well-being. It’s okay to allow yourself to just exist as you are! Being yourself is a really important part of being a member of your system - as long as you’re doing that you are still making a vital contribution, even if you’re no longer host!

We hope this helps! We’re wishing you and your system all the very best, and hope that this upcoming transition goes smoothly for you!

[octuscle]

hi! i'm the spandex guy! so i want to thank you for what you did, this body is amazing can't stop checking myself out ahah

Also, sometimes it feels weird but wearing spandex almost always feels so good, man, I love that it shows my muscles and seeing the bulge print is so hot, lol

I've only one problem now, my friends and ex-coworkers are a bit weirded out by my new lifestyle and by the fact that i barely wear anything other than tight gear, but i can't make the Reality Adjuster option in the chronivac, probavly because the cange already happened. Could you do something so they are more ok with all of this? it's starting to bother me. Thank you in advance, man!

Hi mate, glad to hear you like your new body and gear. And don't let the buffers get you angry. Idiots who are jealous of your body are everywhere. In fact, the existing scenario cannot be changed because it is finished. We could set up a new scenario that only changes the attitude of your environment. But I would find that boring. Here's the suggestion: I'll just follow you for a few days. I leave your account open. And if someone comes to you stupidly, I will intervene.

Okay, that was fast. I wouldn't have thought that your neighbor hisses "perverted faggot" in front of the elevator in the morning. Just ignore him. I'll adjust a few things. Actually a pretty hot lad, your neighbor. But with a little less body fat, a few more muscles and the right clothes… Fits!

I'm pretty sure he won't call you names anymore. Maybe when you get home later, you'll put some beers on ice. I imagine you'll have a visitor.

The next day, lunch with an old school friend. You've had an exhausting morning, your spandex outfit is soaking wet and reeks of sweat. Your friend asks you anxiously if everything is okay. Or if you need help. But only at first. His looks slowly become more lustful and his clothes tighter. He asks questions about what other gear you have. And whether you would like to exchange something. His bulge in his motorcycle suit grows. And yours in your cycling shorts too. Your friend says that he has to go now. But that he expects you in half an hour. And sends the address of a demolition house around the corner.

This weekend you stand at the harbor as a Spiderman statue and collect money. When a former colleague comes by. Laughs at you and says that he has already heard that you are a broken loser. When he turns around, he's in a skin-tight black cycling outfit. Every roll of flab is grotesquely emphasized. Actually, I should let the asshole go home just like that. But I'm doing you a favor. In a moment everyone will see that at least between your legs you are not a Spiderman statue but flesh and blood. And I'll let your ex-colleague turn around. And he starts to work on his bulge. Obviously he has no problem with public display anymore. The moment he jerks off into his bike shorts, the police come to take him away for causing a public nuisance.

I hope you already notice how much more relaxed it gets around you. Difficult is of course still the dear relatives. Your parents have no problem with you. Your older brother does. He has always thought of himself as the alpha brother. He can continue to be. But at the next family reunion you don't have to worry about him anymore.

If someone should come to you in the near future still badly, let me know that. I am always close to you.

[hippolotamus]

Every year I have this idea that I'm going to plan this out and write something profound. But it really just comes down to a few things, doesn't it?

❤️ There is no timeline (or requirement!) for coming out. Some people shout it from the rooftops immediately and some people keep it as their business forever. Both are valid and correct.

Ask yourself: Do I want to? Do I feel safe to do so? Do I have a plan if it all goes sideways?

🧡 Perhaps the most important point: nobody, and I mean NOBODY, gets to make that decision for you. That choice is yours and yours alone. Family, friends, partners, coworkers, teachers should never pressure you to come out.

💛 There is no timeline for “figuring it out”. Some folks just know and others figure it out later. Neither one is wrong. There’s zero shame in learning your sexuality in your 30s, 50s, hell even your 80s. The only “correct” time is when you say so.

💚 That being said… it can change! And that’s perfectly fine. No one would blink an eye because one day you declare you now like brownies instead of chocolate chip cookies. Or both. You learn more about yourself, you grow, you make more informed decisions. It’s all a process.

💙 Labels not required. Am I Gay/Lesbian? Bi? Queer? Aro? Whatever you decide, and are comfortable with, is a-ok. Even if that means no label at all. First and foremost you’re you. Not your preferences.

💜 A Special Lil note for the allies and supporters and others: This goes for anyone, but particularly those who didn’t figure things out (or feel like they could be open about it) until later. I say this as something of a late bloomer myself. Crying over Heartstopper? Suddenly adding all kinda rainbow merch to their house/vehicle/wardrobe? Going to Pride events? Making or sharing more pointed social media posts?

Yeah, they figured out they’re [insert label here]. Great, good for them but you’re sooooo over it. They’re X years old, why do all this now??? Like chill already.

Nope. You chill. Some of us are legit getting to experience this side of ourselves for the first time ever. And sometimes that is decades in the making. We’re unpacking a lot. So please hold your shaming and judgement. If it’s not hurting you or anyone else, for the love of everything just let them have this.

🩷 Resources! 🩵

The Trevor Project - thetrevorproject.org (Bonus: they have a Quick Exit feature built into their site for desktop or mobile in case you need to get out of their site pronto)

suicide.org - resources for US and International suicide hotlines http://suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html http://suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

GLAAD- glaad.org

OK2BME - https://ok2bme.ca/

PFLAG - pflag.org

[radfemgirlmom]

Imagine Jane, a vibrant woman with dreams of a fulfilling career and a family. She meets John, charming and seemingly supportive. They marry, and during her pregnancy, John persuades Jane to become a stay-at-home mom, arguing it's best for their child. Have you ever met someone like Jane?

With Jane now financially dependent on John, the control starts subtly. He manages all finances, giving her an "allowance" which he reduces over time. Can you imagine what it's like to have your own earnings controlled by another? John's substance abuse begins to surface; alcohol, initially a social habit, becomes his escape from the pressures he feels. His behavior shifts from caring to controlling. His inhibitions disappear entirely while under the influence of alcohol. When he blacks out, Jane is left to remember everything.

Jane's world narrows. She has no coworkers and no income. John isolates her from friends and family because he "doesn't like them". He monitors her phone calls, her emails, her whereabouts. He can even take away her ability to drive because he is the one paying for it. He protests her desire for a job because he knows that Jane being unemployed is conducive to his control. Yet, with a single-income household, bills go unpaid, utilities shut off, and it serves to add more fuel to the fire. Stressors continue to build, and John becomes progressively more unhinged.

The abuse escalates. Verbal attacks turn physical, yet after each incident, John's remorse is profound. He promises change, uses their child as leverage, saying, "Do you want our child to grow up without a father?" Jane, fearing for her child's future, stays. All Jane wanted was a family, and she fears the prospect of starting over without one. What would you do if your child's welfare was used to manipulate you?

John, never having been arrested, has legal access to firearms. This fact alone escalates the danger Jane faces daily. Domestic violence paired with firearms increases the risk of intimate partner homicide dramatically. Research shows that an average of three women are killed by a current or former partner every day, with more than half of these homicides involving firearms. This statistic is not just a number; it's a stark reminder of the lethal potential John's unchecked access to guns represents. Jane lives each day in fight-or-flight, taking a toll on her physical and mental health.

Their child, caught in this violent environment, exhibits signs of distress. Studies indicate some children in such homes often show behavioral problems, lower social competence, and academic struggles, which may potentiate the stress for that child even more. This child, like many others, might grow up fearing violence is normal. With John's alcohol problem, it is clear that in homes of domestic violence victimization, there may be more than just violence occurring. On top of regular stressors all children may experience, there are multitudes of conditions that are inappropriate for children, except a young child has no way of leaving on their own accord.

Leaving was not an option for Jane, not easily. The economic coercion, emotional manipulation, and the lack of immediate resources made escape daunting. It is common for abusers often control finances to prevent victims from leaving, and this leaves stay-at-home-parents particularly vulnerable. Even if Jane DID leave, where could she find work, if she has no job experience? Where could she find housing, if she has no money? Have you ever thought about why someone in such a situation might choose to stay?

One day, after another violent episode, Jane realizes the gravity of their situation. She seeks help, guided by stories of courage from advocates in shelters, where women like her find refuge. These shelters are often the first safe haven for victims, providing not just shelter but legal support, counseling, and a pathway to independence. Jane's shelter protected her from her abuser, provided job and housing assistance resources, as well as therapy for Jane and her child.

What would have happened to Jane if she found herself unable to secure a spot in a shelter? On a single day in 2023, there were nearly 14,000 unmet requests for services at domestic violence shelters and support centers, with over half of these being for some type of housing or shelter. These numbers aren't just statistics; they represent people like Jane, who could be left with no safe place to go. Her story underscores the dire need for more resources to meet the overwhelming demand for safe havens—resources that have offered Jane not just safety, but also a chance to rebuild her life.

This is where we, the community, come in. Awareness is not just about recognition; it's about action. Have you ever met somebody who was abused? You may have, but more often than not, their stories are only told under the roof of a shelter or healthcare provider, once they leave the home.

Increasing awareness involves education, advocacy, and funding. Programs need resources to expand their reach, to provide safe havens, legal aid, and recovery services. Every dollar counts, every conversation matters.

[bsideminibang]

Masterlist

And that's a wrap! Many, many thanks to all the amazing authors, artists and betas who worked on this year's bang!

Below the cut are all the pieces that were submitted this year, so now's the time to check them out!

You're Fucking Perfect (To Me) by TwinOne with art from nickelkeep (8600 words, T)

Every Thursday Castiel visits Sam’s house, they share a glass or two of good whiskey and a bit of conversation like they’ve done for years. Everything changes the day he smells a new and intriguing scent as soon as he steps inside his friend’s house.

It’s the scent of an omega. Not just any omega, but his true mate.

A story told using the lyrics of the song Fucking Perfect by P!nk as prompts for each chapter.

You Can Keep Your Hat On by Redamber79 with art from PetraAmia (5444 words, E)

When a staff party with Cas' coworkers and boss gets too uncomfortable with unwanted advances on both of them, Dean and Cas ditch the party to go back to their place and celebrate on their own, starting with Dean performing a strip tease for Cas, and ending up in their bedroom.

Steve? Really...Steve? by Hectatess with art from Acaademicqueer (7625 words, M)

When Castiel wanders the empty streets out for revenge, he gets kidnapped. By the Law, no less. Had he been breaking the law so badly? And will he get that revenge?

When FBI-agents Sam and Dean are on an undercover job, they see the spitting image of one of the murdered victims in the case, walking, talking and… committing misdemeanours? Who is this guy, claiming to be Steve Milton? And can he really help them crack this case wide open?

Nice Like by MBQ with art from sidewinder (13700 words, E)

Dean and Benny search for Castiel in Purgatory, but the trio is rife with tensions when they finally "catch up" with the wayward angel.

Inspired by Lord Huron's, Meet Me in the Woods.

Play It Pretty For the World by cactusdragon517 with art from PetraAmaia (10805 words, E)

It's an old story, in the end: Boy meets boy. Boy falls in love. Happily ever after. But how they get there is a different story altogether (after all, what can you expect from rockstars?)

Family Business is in need of a new guitarist and lucky for them, session musician Castiel Novak is available. Guitar in hand and a bag over his shoulder, Castiel arrives in LA with Family Business on the brink of making it big.

Internally, however, is a bit more complex. Dean Winchester, lead singer and older brother, has found himself navigating his brother's growing addiction and their band's impending success.

After tours and traveling the world, they go their separate ways.

Can Dean and Castiel find their way back to each other?

Love From the Other Side by LadyKnightSkye with art from Dmitrievans (9245 words, T)

When Zachariah sends Dean forward into the world after the Apocalypse, instead of running into the National Guard, he runs into a person he thinks is his brother. In relief, he hugs “Sam.” This one choice of affection instead of aggression sets off a chain of events that ripples out from both sides of the Apocalypse.

Only Physical by nickelkeep with art from PetraAmia (4470 words, E)

Cas and Dean have been best friends for as long as Cas can remember. He's always wanted more, and when he and Dean slip into the friends-with-benefits category, he knew he could be satisfied with that. Until he wasn't.

Art for the bang by Rapscallion

I Had Some Time (With You) by songliili with art from Keikakudom (23970 words, E)

It’s 2005 when things go to hell.

Well. They go to hell for everyone except Dean, ‘cause he was ready for it.

Well. He was ready for the apocalypse, not for the gorgeous man who fell into his life, quite literally.

OR

A Destiel rewrite of Bill and Frank’s love story as shown on HBO’s The Last of Us episode 3: Long Long Time that uses elements of both universes.

Unraveling Unrolled by bleuzombie with art from golby-moon (3134 words, M)

A parent’s love should be unconditional. Coming out as trans has really put John’s love to the test.

[jumbleverse]

doing this because fun. gonna use a recent character I've been thinking about and making more lore for.

long uh, everything, so feel free to skip if you don't like reading a lot of words and stuff.

1: average. a bit standoffish but otherwise decent. probably a lot more tame and level-headed than she is now.

2: more of a protective mom friend.

3: soldier.

4: o boi that's a lot to write. um, writing from her perspective because it'll make it easier for me.

4i: family.

4ii: yes; I need to provide some entertainment for myself and my sister.

4iii: rehearsing is boring and takes up too much time.

4iv: training people and priming them just right so they're perfect for my sister. although, a small fight every few days wouldn't be too bad...

4v: I don't sing. I only sang once during karaoke with my family and got really embarrassed about it. never again...

4vi: oh please, this is too easy; I'll take body over mind any day. it is important for my job.

4vii: no.

4viii: I don't have partners. I have trainees.

4ix: my family. they're awesome.

4x: eh, I don't know. I was raised pretty well, so there's not much I'd change.

4xi: again, no partner. my life story isn't all that great anyways. all I really do anyways is [hi, me here. I'm not really comfortable putting what she does for work because reasons. I'm sure you can figure it out yourself though, so good luck].

4xii: more speed. faster movement means faster protection. I don't want anything happening to my family.

4xiii: if I protect my family. if I find out I couldn't save any one of them, I don't know what I would do with myself...

4xiv: I like to live in the present. it's where all the fun is happening! dreams are for dreamers — I'm a doer.

4xv: getting my job and making my family even bigger.

4xvi: I don't do friends; I do family.

4xvii: I'd have to say... growing up with my sister.

4xviii: drinking Wild's drink. ugh, that was a terrible taste...

4xix: I'd like to spend more time with my family. I'd also prepare my sister for when I'm gone so that she won't have to figure everything out herself.

4xx: friendship doesn't mean shit to me. you're either my family, or you're not.

4xxi: I love my family. there's hardly anything I wouldn't do to keep them safe.

4xxii: no partner.

4xxiii: I had a decent childhood. my parents kind of left when I became an adult, but we're still on good terms. we don't talk much anymore, but they're fine. my sister and coworkers, though, we're closer than anyone in the whole everywhere. you couldn't pry us apart no matter what you did!

4xxiv: my mom was pretty cool. she was nice and sweet. made the best cookies ever, too.

4xxv: ...not sure what this means...

4xvi: no. I'm not saying that.

4xxvii: no partner, no friends. just me and my family. and they already know enough about me to know who I am, so we're cool.

4xxviii: I'm getting tired of these "partner" questions...

4xxix: don't have a partner.

4xxx: I don't think I've ever cried.

4xxxi: I don't. have. a partner.

4xxxii: death. I don't joke about that. anyone who does has never felt it in their life.

4xxxiii: I guess... I'd regret not being able to spend more time with my family.

4xxxiv: I have a very special [hi, me again. redacting info because reasons] that one of my chosen family members game me a long time ago. I never saw her again, but it reminds me of her. somehow, I still hope that I'll see her again.

4xxxv: disturbing... hmm... well, there's ara, who would probably be the most emotionally disturbing, considering how nice and friendly she is. on the other side, there's kindred. she's probably the most powerful person I've worked with, so if I saw her dead, it'd be a gruesome sight... very disturbing. heh, she'd probably still have that wild look in her eyes and a smile on her face, if there'd be anything left of it.

4xxxvi: again, and for the last time, I don't have a partner. keep it up and I'll personally break your legs with mine.

(oh boy, so much writing. sorry about that).

5: she don't have trauma.

6: music: kinda. art: yes (but not the full scope). fashion: no. drinks: no.

7: she's more of a "I'll die if it means protecting my family 'till the end."

8: platonic love: 10 — she loves her coworkers/family. romantic love: 0 — she doesn't really do that sort of thing.

9: it'll be a really tough choice to let them go, but ultimately she'll do what she believes is best for her family.

10: her family (aka sister and coworkers she holds dear).

11: she doesn't do romance.

12: vaporwave, rock, and a little bit of heavy metal when she wants to de-stress.

13: scene: dangerous people break into her place of work and demand whatever (idk this story isn't about the robbers). she'd be the second one to attack the criminals (the first would be kindred, but that's a different character for a different time). her sister would join in soon after, and she and her sister would work together alongside kindred and other security personnel to help get rid of the criminals, using her enhanced legs to kick ass and break bodies with ease as she ferociously defends her home and her family. (I hope this is a good enough answer, otherwise I'd have to add another 500 words or something to detail everything she'd do before during and after).

14: she doesn't trust others easily. she's very weary and always assume there's ulterior motives behind every action.

15: anything's game.

16: black cat, easily.

17: she'd probably feel a bit worried and try to cheer me up (if she trusted me). ultimately she'd probably take me back to her "residence" and try to help me sort some stuff out.

18: survive: fantasy, dystopian, futuristic, medieval, forest. die: war (sacrificing to protect family), island.

19: parents are fine, but they don't talk anymore. she feels like this is the perfect gen to be born, because there's so much fun to be had.

20: that no harm would befall her family.

21: she hasn't really had a romantic kiss before, but if she did her entire world would be shaken to its core. butterflies in her stomach and wooziness and knees buckling and everything.

22: lots of training/prepping people to her liking, lots of time with her family at work, and maybe a little fight to help keep her stimulated.

23: if she fucks up, she'd sit with herself and marinate in her emotions and thoughts for a long time. if she doesn't sort it out herself, she'd go see either mythic or ara (some of her work family) to help her sort her emotions out.

How to get to know your characters better?

(feel free to add your own thoughts to this list, hope it helps!) req by @miricalebabyy44 <3

what will your character be like if they were in your shoes?

is your oc the mom friend or the dad or the childish one in their friendgroup ?

do those "poet, king, soldier" quiz for your oc. im being fr

do the "36 questions to fall in love" quiz as your oc.

ik your ocs trauma have an impact on their character, but how would they be like, if they hadn't gone through that experience?

does your oc have similar tastes as you do? (music, art, fashion, coffee/tea etctetc)

will they "i only live once so I'll do it for the plot." or will they "i only live once ffs, i don't wanna die." ?

what is your ocs opinion of love? how is/was their love life on a scale of 1-10?

will your oc let go of someone precious to them when they know they're putting them at danger?

around whom does your oc lets their guard down?

are they romantically constipated or a hopeless romantic?

what type of music does ur oc like?

write a lot about your oc if you're struggling to get to know them. find a drabble prompt, and write what they'd do.

do they trust others easily or do they get trusted by others easily?

what is something your oc will never talk to anyone about? (their answer can be deep, like some emo trauma or like smthng like back when they shit their pants or smthng yk)

do they give off golden retriever energy, or a black cat energy? (or both?)

what will THEIR opinion be on YOUR current life? will they be ur friend? will they trust you?

will your oc survive in a fantasy setting, a war setting, a dystopian setting, a futuristic setting, a medieval setting? will ur oc survive after getting stranded on an island, or a forest?

does your oc like their parents, do they like how their life is, do they feel like they're born in the right gen?

if they are ever to get one wish definitely granted, what would they wish for?

how did they react to their first kiss? (if they have had it by now lmao)

what's an ideal day for your oc?

lastly, who does your oc go to when they've fucked up?

[beantrust-coffeebar]

From a Bean to Belonging: How Erik Modahl Cultivates Community at Beantrust Coffeebar

When you enter 151 ½ Hale Street in Beverly, MA, you are greeted by the warm scents of coffee beans and a variety of fresh sweet, and savory pastries. You will also be welcomed by Erik Modahl, the founder and owner of Beantrust Coffeebar. Beantrust, however, was originally not a physical storefront. Prior to 2020, Erik spent about five years traveling the Boston area with his coffee creations. From civil discourse in the workplace to coworking spaces for entrepreneurs, coffee was helping people make meaningful connections in unexpected places.

This true human connection was evident as I sat at Beantrust Coffeebar on the morning of their four-year anniversary of opening the storefront. From introducing customers to one another, giving the dogs that walk by treats, and sending vats of cold brew off to a local school event; everyone leaves Beantrust and their interactions with Erik with a smile, hug, and sometimes even a free pastry. A friend of Erik’s named Bradford, who started playing “All Out Of Love” on his acoustic guitar when he saw my Air Supply shirt, said that Erik, “walks it and he talks it” when it comes to connecting with others. When Erik was talking to a young family with three children who were all greatly enjoying their chocolate croissants, the mother said, “You are changing the world by doing this.” Erik’s passion in life is clear in everything he does and it is greatly appreciated in these customers. Looking back on Beantrust in this interview, Erik shares everything from his morning coffee order to his favorite memories cultivating community. 

What is your go-to coffee order?

Well, right now I ordered a latte. Oftentimes I do a pour-over. When I'm going to a nice coffee bar, I often order a cortado. I like the flavor of coffee and I look at different nuances. Sometimes it goes funky and candy-like in taste, and sometimes my go-to is the Ethiopian, which is fruity and light roasted. I'll do that on a pour-over every morning, that's my huge go-to to anchor me for my day.

How did you come up with the idea for Beantrust?

Beantrust came out of many years of a distribution company. I really believe in my heart that there's a want for community building. After helping an organization grow very large, I decided to step out and do something that's a bit revolutionary and has a mission for cultivating community. That's where Beantrust was born in October of 2015. I set up these little pour-over bars where people could meet and greet from all over the world, and I could see it happening and I wasn't facilitating it. It actually had the ripple effect of building community, and it made me so happy inside that people were coming together. My real passion for life is that we all love each other more, and I could just see this in a very natural, organic way. 

When did Beantrust Coffeebar’s storefront open?

The coffee bar started in 2020. The distribution business and event business was in 2016. It grew to about 80 accounts or so. Then in 2020, I thought it would be time to have a brick-and-mortar and open up the coffee bar. found this little cute place. It felt like it resonated with the community and with what I was all about, bringing people together.

What was it like opening in the midst of a pandemic?

It was crazy. I bought the building on March 3rd and on March 13th pandemic happened. I pivoted online and went around to different communities and sold coffee. I went into Boston, Cambridge, and Somerville; bringing beans and cold brew around. I often brought my clarinet around playing Happy Birthday and crazy things like that. Then I felt like, okay, six months into the pandemic, it's time to open. We opened four years ago, in October of 2020, and it felt like I didn't know quite what I was doing, but it was just time to open.

What is your favorite part of running Beantrust?

My favorite part is this is connecting with the people and talking and having conversations and friendships.

When did you come up with the phrase “Cultivating Community?” Was that a light bulb moment, or has that always been a phrase that you've had in mind?

I think community has always been on my mind, bringing people together. The word that describes a community, or how I was doing it, has been different. I used to say building community. I played with rocking community, and I wasn't quite on that one. Then I got to revolutionizing community, how do we bring it up in a new way? Then the idea of cultivating really hit me as far as a seed growing up into a tree. This idea of organic growth can happen as it does in nature. I felt like this idea of cultivating really resonated with me. This idea is that I am not a creator, but that I can curate spaces and foods and coffees and create an experience where people can really connect. 

What is your personal definition of hospitality?

Well, when I think of a hospital, I think of being cared for and leaving in a better way. It's a little safe space that's away from your home, your work, or family life; where you can heal and thrive and maybe find community within the place in the same way. I feel like gatherings from many millennia ago, people would gather in places that would not be fancy, but where people are able to connect with each other. Oftentimes, food and drink are a part of those gatherings. When I think of hospitality, I think of connecting with generations ago how people would gather over food and drink, have great conversations, and leave each other in a better place. 

How has hospitality changed in today’s world?

I think of Old World hospitality in a way that has been a part of our cultures for, I believe, since mankind has existed, yet I think there are opportunities to engage in ways that are creative. I think of hospitality in our current culture as an opportunity to extend love, and care, a gift of free coffee and conversation. Leaving each other in a better place-type attitude. The idea is that at the table, everybody is welcome. In many other generations, women or people of different stature didn't have the Ticket to Ride and weren't welcome to the table. My thinking in our current time is that everybody is welcome and not only welcomed to the table but given the opportunity to contribute. It's a mutual experience of sharing and caring for one another.

What do you look for when hiring a barista?

I think of our staff and our people as an extension of the brand, and I think of the business more in terms of people. There needs to be an alignment of values and excellence in the quality. There has to be trust when I'm not here that the Beantrust experience is extended. Lastly, I believe that creativity is a part. So not just perfunctory type approaches to how we do things, but agency to create, explore, and problem solve to make the space better. 

How do you connect with all of your suppliers for the store?

So over the years, I've always listened. I think this idea of mastery really is important. A deep understanding of a product or service, but also how we connect with each other. I think collaboration is really our future. How do we collaborate and do things together? How do we customize services for others? 

What is your favorite memory from your time with Beantrust?

My favorite memory might be something obscure like a grandson bringing his grandfather to Beantrust every day for a number of months before his grandfather passed away. I saw that relationship and had coffee with them out in the front for a number of months. That really impacted me because it let me see the local side of Beantrust and how it can be a place for connecting others. I remember those conversations and remember paying attention to that time, so it unlocks a memory for me. 

What are your hopes for the future of Beantrust?

My goals are to deepen Beantrust’s mission of cultivating community by improving and growing a little bit. I'd like to grow our impact in collaboration with others. I'd like to grow and possibly replace me on the distribution side so that I can travel and do some more collaboration beyond Beverly. I think paying attention to our existing friendships and relationships is essential. I like the relationship I have with Endicott, it's so much fun. I'm looking forward to deepening that friendship. I'm looking at improving the inside space of Beantrust for customer experience, the outside space we've been improving. I'd also like to improve the online presence to cultivate a community that can go beyond Beantrust. 

[youshi56]



The Litany of Trust: A Prayer for our Times

By Hanael Bianchi

Filed Under: Blog, Fertile Soil

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It was a typical Saturday in late January. My best friend was helping me install a laminate floor in our living room. We took a break to have lunch together, and chitchatted for a bit before he left. Four days later, I received a series of frantic text messages and phone calls. My friend had collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. The following day, I learned he had a rare and fast-growing form of cancer. Fortunately, he has responded well to treatment, and is expected to make a full recoveryMy friend’s quick descent, from thinking he had a cold to being diagnosed with cancer, provided me with a radical wake-up call. Every morning for the next few weeks, the first thought that entered my mind was the fragileness of our earthly existence. We can go about our daily routines with no concern for the future, and then in an instant, our life can be utterly and irrevocably changed.

We have a common misconception that most people are not suffering through some trial. We all think that we have a great cross, be it a financial problem, health issue, death in the family, or trouble with children, but everyone else, we assume, has it good or at the very least better than we have it. The reality is that most people hide their struggles and sugarcoat their public persona, especially on social media.

Every one of us is constantly fighting through some trial, and if you’re fortunate enough to be in the midst of a short reprieve, thank God for the break but prepare yourself for the future. I am always surprised in my conversation with coworkers, students, friends and family members when I discover that individuals, who on the surface appear to have everything in order, are in fact facing great challenges. Yes, we all have our crosses to carry.

You cannot organize your life to remove all stress. You cannot gain peace through to-do lists. You cannot control your life to find perfect happiness. Any attempt to deal with life’s challenges in a worldly manner will fail. I foolishly think that if I could only get over the hurdle in front of me, then I could rest and relax, but I always find another hurdle immediately after it. The only way to find peace, happiness and joy is to give up the worldly rat race, surrender your will and trust in God.

My younger sister is a sister, more specifically a Sister of Life in New York City. She lived in the Bronx for several years, and she wears a full religious habit. A young sister strolling up and down the streets of New York City is quite the sight, and people frequently approach her with questions. She has quite the collection of stories.

Rather frequently, complete strangers come up to her, and share their problems with her. She has noticed there are two ways of thinking. One group believes that God is not good because of the bad things that happened in their life. They blame God for a death in the family or a bad financial decision. The other group believes they are not good because of something they did in their past, perhaps they had an abortion or a hostile relationship with a family member. When something bad happens in their life, they think God is punishing them for their past actions.

In both cases, these individuals have a poor relationship with God. They do not know who God is, what he wants for them, or how they can approach him. In her brief encounters, she immediately turns to the message of God’s mercy. She has a great devotion to St. Faustina, known as the Apostle of Divine Mercy, who she is also named after, and she had found that St. Faustina’s message is a perfect antidote for the modern, secular soul.

She quickly tells them that God is a loving father, who wants the best for them, and that everyone, no matter their past sins, is loved by God. He wants to forgive all their past evil actions, and draw them closer to His Divine Heart. Don’t fight God over present concerns, instead give them to him. Give him your worries over health, money, relationships and jobs. Place your trust in God.

My sister’s love for this message was forged in her own experiences. She had many questions about the will of God in her life, especially about her vocation. She was anxious and experienced great inner turmoil. It was only when she surrendered her will and placed her trust in God that she found peace and discovered her true vocation as a sister.

She frequently shared the same short speech about trusting in God, and she often wished that she had something in her hands that she could give to people. To that end, she composed a short Litany of Trust (see below), and now, she distributes it to the people she meets. This wonderful prayer will help you to rely more on Jesus and less on yourself. It will help you with your little struggles during the good times, but it will also provide you with great comfort and confidence in the heat of your greatest struggles.

Litany of Trust

From the belief that I have to earn Your love … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear that I am unlovable … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the false security that I have what it takes … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear that trusting You will leave me more destitute … Deliver me, Jesus.

From all suspicion of Your words and promises … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the rebellion against childlike dependency on You … Deliver me, Jesus.

From refusals and reluctances in accepting Your will … Deliver me, Jesus.

From anxiety about the future … Deliver me, Jesus.

From resentment or excessive preoccupation with the past … Deliver me, Jesus.

From restless self-seeking in the present moment … Deliver me, Jesus.

From disbelief in Your love and presence … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being asked to give more than I have … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the belief that my life has no meaning or worth … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of what love demands … Deliver me, Jesus.

From discouragement … Deliver me, Jesus.

That You are continually holding me, sustaining me, loving me … Jesus, I trust in you.

That Your love goes deeper than my sins and failings, and transforms me …Jesus, I trust in you.

That not knowing what tomorrow brings is an invitation to lean on You … Jesus, I trust in you.

That You are with me in my suffering … Jesus, I trust in you.

That my suffering, united to Your own, will bear fruit in this life and the next …Jesus, I trust in you.

That You will not leave me orphan, that You are present in Your Church…Jesus, I trust in you.

That Your plan is better than anything else … Jesus, I trust in you.

That You always hear me, and in Your goodness always respond to me …Jesus, I trust in you.

That You give me the grace to accept forgiveness and to forgive others …Jesus, I trust in you.

That You give me all the strength I need for what is asked …Jesus, I trust in you.

That my life is a gift … Jesus, I trust in you.

That You will teach me to trust You … Jesus, I trust in you.

That You are my Lord and my God … Jesus, I trust in you.

That I am Your beloved one … Jesus, I trust in you.

Amen.

https://youtu.be/_mVrNwZP9Ek?si=LRQlfgjML2xmfxEf

https://youtu.be/lApy2Okc0Ck?si=PdixKY5UZtd73XwP

[fionacle]

Something I actually talk about a lot. In this world, people are bullied. They tell you that when people bully you, they get in trouble. What really happens to them? Maybe they get a talk that does nothing, maybe even makes it worse. What happens to you? Your parents tell you you’re being too emotional. Stop letting them get to you. Stop showing weakness so they have something to prey on. They tell you bullies don’t go anywhere when they grow up, they’ll end up on the streets wondering “WHY WAS I SUCH A DICK IN HIGHSCHOOL? I COULD HAVE SPENT THAT TIME STUDYING!” What really happens to them? They’re your coworkers, god forbid your boss. You just have to grit and bear it. One day, say you have kids, you’re probably gonna end up with a lot of parent friends, I’m gonna use moms as an example because that’s what I’ve heard about. My mom isn’t perfect, but she tries her best to be sweet to people, and dear god she has like no friends now between having to spend time on her kids and having a job and all the falling-outs she’s had. Moms are fucking bullies, man. There’s the rich moms, they think they’re better than you, they talk about you behind your back, they tell you to your face how stupid you and your family are. They ruin your life. What teachers are there to tell now? You can’t go to the mayor and say ‘My friend was kinda rude when she was at my house today.’ They’re supposed to be gone by then. Bullies are supposed to be filtered out by the time you’re 50. But they’re not. You have to deal with them every day for the rest of your life. They never go away. And society or whatever puts it on you to handle it. Just stop talking to them. Just make your house prettier so they have nothing to bully you about. Don’t show them it upsets you, it’ll just make them do it more. It’s bullshit. It’s not fucking right. Is it really so idealist to say the world should be a place where people grow up to be their best selves? Is it really so crazy to suggest that it’s not the fault of the victims, and they shouldn’t have to fix it? Everyone gets bullied, sensitive or not, why? Just stop. I know from experience sometimes you have mean words and it’s hard to keep them in, but that’s what you’re meant to do. What happened to “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”? It’s a childhood lesson, one that admittedly can’t always apply to everything, but one that is still good to use most of the time. But it doesn’t matter. Bullies are at the top of the ecosystem and everyone works to keep them there. Even those who have been bullied themselves respond to new victims with “I got through it, why can’t you?” The world should be full of empathy, or at least sympathy, or if you lack the capacity for those then at least attempting to put yourself in others’ shoes and such. But it’s not like I’ve ever been bullied by a sociopath, it’s always neurotypical rich kids, or those (intentionally) mean enough to be accepted into the crowd. I myself have in the past been mean to people to fit in. I’ve been obviously different my whole life, sensitive and neurodivergent and until high school easy to trick into thinking bullies are my friends. Thanks for the trust issues, assholes, and I’ve seen them since by the way, they haven’t changed. The world is fucking messed up and it’s not fair that pointing it out makes you dramatic, complainy, sensitive. I just wish it weren’t so broken.

i am not at fault for being soft. you are at fault for being mean.

[the-guilty-writer]

Exist

Request from anon: Ok so here goes - feel free to ignore because this is a strange request.

Emily Prentiss/ sister reader- when she “dies”. Reader was closest to Spencer but can’t bare to have anything that reminds her of her sister.

She goes off grid and doesn’t find out that Emily is alive until a whole while later.

(You can change the ending if u want)

Emily Prentiss x sister!reader, Spencer Reid x platonic!reader

Summary: After Emily’s death, you take an undercover job with Interpol. When your assignment is over you come back to an intense surprise.

A/N: Thanks for this request! I hope you like it! All feedback is appreciated.

CW: Spoilers for season 6 and 7, fake deaths, one mention of periods, spencer being abandoned by someone he cares about

---

She never made it off the table.

The phrase was only seven words and nine syllables, but it changed your entire world.

Emily was older than you by three years, but that didn’t stop the two of you from being close. Your family moved around so much when you were growing up it was impossible to keep friends and your parents were always busy with work. Your sister was the person who held your hand on the first day of kindergarten, and taught you how to use period products, and helped you through your first heartbreak. Emily was the only constant in your life- the person who was always there.

And now she wasn’t. She never would be again.

---

Cleaning out your sister’s apartment was Hell on earth. You gave Sergio to Garcia, but part of you just wanted every other thing that had belonged to Emily to be burned so you wouldn’t have to touch it, or see it, or think about it. Your brain knew that it wouldn’t change anything- that the hurt would always be there- but your heart thought that if you turned everything your sister owned to ashes you could let them drift away in the wind as if they never existed in the first place.

Continuing to work at the BAU didn’t make it any easier. Every inch of the place was covered with memories of your sister; from the desk she used to sit at, to the mugs she drank her coffee out of, to the printer she could never get to work right. you saw your sister everywhere.

You couldn’t even look at your coworkers anymore.

You couldn’t look at Derek because every time you just remembered the inside joke he shared with you and your sister. You couldn’t look at Penelope because you could only think of that time at the bar with “Brad the real FBI agent”. You couldn’t look at Hotch because you could only hear him saying that he wished he and Sean could get along like you and Emily. You couldn’t look at Rossi because it only reminded you that he was the only other person you could converse in Italian with now. You couldn’t look at Spencer because he was your only best friend now that your sister was gone.

You couldn’t do your job anymore. You couldn’t be here. You bypassed Hotch and went straight to Strauss with your letter of immediate resignation. You would have almost gotten away with disappearing into thin air if Penelope wasn’t so good at her job.

“(Y/N).” Reid called from the other side of your apartment door. Of course the team sent Spencer to try to convince you to stay- who else would it be? “(Y/N), please let me in.”

You begrudgingly opened the door and let him inside, not bothering to greet him. Everything you owned was already packed in boxes, ready to be put in storage. The only things you were taking with you was what could fit in your suitcase.

“Were you really going to leave without saying goodbye?” Spencer asked. You followed his gaze as he looked around the apartment. The furniture was still in its place, but the shelf that once held books was empty. The pictures on the walls had been taken down. Every trace that this was the place you lived was gone.

“Yeah,” you admitted. “I kinda was.”

“Why?” Spencer’s voice cracked and his eyes were large. “We’re your family. You can’t just go away.”

Thus far you had held off on crying- even at your sister’s funeral you had refused to shed tears- but now they were streaming down your face and you were unable to stop them. “I can’t stay here, Spencer.” Your voice was no louder than a whisper. “I don’t know how to exist in a world without my sister.”

“So you just aren’t going to exist anymore?” Spencer asked, as if it was an impossible feat.

“Yeah,” you said. “Interpol’s pretty good at making people not exist.”

“Where are you going?” His eyes got wide with worry.

“Spencer, you know I can’t tell you that.”

“We just lost Emily. We can’t-” he took a deep breath. “I can’t lose you too.”

But your mind was already made up. You pulled Spencer into a hug and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. It was wet with his tears. Letting go and looking into his soft hazel eyes, you knew the words you would leave him with: “You can’t lose what never existed.”

A year and a half later…

Of all places to choose, Russia had been a good one- you never lived there as a kid, but spoke enough of the language to get by at first and now that you had spent two years in the middle of only-god-knows-where, Russia you were fluent in the language. Most of all, there was nothing to remind you of your sister. For two blissful years you lived as someone entirely different- someone who wasn’t (Y/N) Prentiss- but all good things have to come to an end.

You stepped into Interpol headquarters in France and expected to feel your sister’s spirit lurking in the room, but after two years the ghost caused by grief had dissipated. Even as you made your way through the building, a place you and Emily had walked side-by-side in more times than you could count, you didn’t feel like there was someone absent.

“Agent Prentiss,” the name didn’t sting anymore when someone spoke it, “you did a fantastic job. It’s not easy to go somewhere that remote for such long periods of time.”

“If I’m being honest I think the remoteness is what made it easier.” Because there was nothing to remind me that Emily is gone.

“Well, you’ve done this in the past so I won’t bore you with the details for too long. Protocol for coming off such a long assignment requires you to take at least three months off, paid of course, and we recommend that you go somewhere that will help you become steady in your identity again,” the director said. “I know you have lived the longest in DC so-”

“I was thinking Italy, actually,” you said.

The director was about to open his mouth to say something when there was a knock on his office door. Without bothering to wait to see if they could come in, the person waltzed over to the director, handed him a manila folder, and waltzed out like they owned the place. The director looked down at the folder with so much dread you thought he might vomit all over his desk.

“Sir,” you started politely. “What is in the folder?”

He looked up at you. His eyes darkened in a way you had only seen at funerals- it was the look in the eyes of the partner of the dead agent- but there was a pity with it too. It was a combination you had never seen before, and you weren’t sure what to do with it, how it should make you feel.

“We’re sending you to London,” he said slowly.

“I’ve never lived in London-”

“We’re sending you to London,” he said again. This time it was louder and slower. “Because Emily is moving there. She is alive.”

---

The rest of the conversation was a blur, but you caught all the important parts: your sister was alive. Her death was only set up to keep her safe from Doyle. Doyle was dead. Emily was alive.

Emily had faked her death for six months.

Emily had known you went underground in Russia.

Emily had come out of hiding and worked with the BAU for a year.

Emily was alive.

And nobody told you.

For a whole year, Emily had been able to tell people she was alive and healthy and well and no one even bothered to try to let you know. None of the handlers said anything. No one mentioned it in clandestine letters. No one told you.

But for a year and a half, (Y/N) Prentiss didn’t exist. When you had gone undercover, Interpol made you disappear into thin air- all electronic history erased, your bank accounts liquidated to cash and vaulted away, even your birth certificate, which you were holding now, was locked in a safe. You had become as much of a ghost as she had.

The car stopped quickly in front of the London Interpol building, jerking you back to the present. For a moment you wondered if this was real- if you were seriously about to walk into the building and see your sister alive. Maybe it was all just a dream- her death, you leaving, her being alive, you finding out. Maybe you would wake up in your apartment back in DC just to find out that none of this was ever real.

But then you saw her- her dark eyes and raven hair. You felt her arms around you- the ones that held you as a child and hugged you as an adult. You heard her voice.

“I’m sorry.”

And you should have been mad. Hell, you should have been furious. Emily had been alive for a whole year and she never tried to reach out. She never bothered to let you know that the pain you carried and worked through and accepted didn’t need to exist at all. But the relief you felt, seeing her in the flesh canceled out every negative emotion you could have felt.

“I’m just glad you’re really here,” you told her.

Emily smiled just a little bit- that sly and knowing smile you had grown to know meant she knew something you didn’t.

“There is someone who is glad you’re here.” She gestured for you to turn around and when you did, Spencer was standing there.

His hair had gotten longer, but otherwise he was almost exactly the same- tall, lanky frame clothed in slacks and a cardigan, chocolate curls that were ever-so-slightly unruly, and wide hazel eyes that looked through you as if he could read your mind.

You launched yourself at him, pulling him into a hug. He gripped you back, tighter than he ever had before. You felt him press his head into your shoulder. His breathing was heavy in your ear. 

“(Y/N),” he whispered, just loud enough that you could hear.

“Spence.” You pulled him tighter. “I’m sorry.”

Spencer pulled away and looked at you the same way you had when you told him you were leaving.

“I wanted to tell you about Emily,” he started. “I couldn’t find any way to send things to you and Garcia tried to find you but she couldn’t and-”

“It’s okay, Spencer,” you told him. “I know you would have told me if you could have.”

He pulled you into another hug, this one more gentle than the last. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he pressed his head into your shoulder again. Behind Spencer, you could see Emily smiling softly at the two of you.

It felt impossible- having your two best friends in one room again- but it felt whole and it felt right.

Once again, you could exist.

[neondiamond]

🎄 Recently Read Fics - December 2022 🎄

These are all the amazing fics I read over the past month (from shortest to longest). Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments to show the authors your appreciation if you read any of these! ❤️

🎄 the prettiest customer (and the cutest barista) by @onlythebravest (1k, G)

Louis is the pretty customer that comes in and orders hot chocolate while Harry is the cute barista that takes his order.

🎄 St. Elena by @allwaswell16 (1k, NR)

When Harry’s illness worsened, the crew of the Ace of Spades sailed to the island home of Captain Grim.

An Ace of Spades timestamp from Zayn’s point of view

🎄 Star On Top Of The Tree by iliveforyou_ilongforyou (2k, G)

Louis and Harry get a tree that is too big for Louis to reach the top of, leaving him unable to put the star on top. They find a solution.

🎄 Oh Little Town of BATHlehem by @londonfoginacup (2k, G)

Louis Tomlinson needs a small pink bathtub.

He needs it.

His fucking family had forgotten to include him in the email chain for Doris for Christmas, with her very carefully thought out Christmas list, until every easy item was gone. Only when he asked Lottie if anyone else had heard from Doris yet, only then did they realise their mistake and forward the email chain to him.

So, it’s either a small pink bathtub or an entire bouncy castle. And if he had the money for a bouncy castle that would be fine, but that fucker costs more than his monthly rent and he simply does not make that much working as an optometrist assistant.

🎄 Advent Drabbles by @berzerkshires (series of 25 drabbles, various ratings)

Glimpses of the 25 days leading up to Christmas with Harry, Louis, and his broken arm.

🎄 Charm Your Pants Off by @evilovesyou (2k, G)

When Harry hurt himself in front of all of his coworkers, he thought his Christmas Eve couldn’t get any worse. That was, until he ended up in an actual ambulance.

Perhaps the gentle and ridiculously attractive doctor he meets at the hospital can make his trip (pun absolutely intended) worth it?

🎄 The Elf who Saved Christmas by @ladyaj-13 (2k, G)

Ernie and Doris are tired, grouchy, and no one told Louis you had to book an appointment to see Santa.

🎄 a face of a lover with a fire in his heart by @voulezloux (2k, G)

it’s christmas time and whamageddon is upon us. with all of their friends out, harry and louis make a bet to see who can not listen to the wham! song longer.

🎄 Change of Plans by @haztobegood (2k, G)

Harry and Louis plan to visit their families over Christmas. Sometimes, plans don't work out.

🎄 A Kiss for Christmas by @ladyaj-13 (3k, T)

Louis meets Father Christmas, then twenty one years later, he meets his son.

🎄 All the lights are sparkling for you, it seems by @thebreadvansstuff (3k, T)

Harry is determined to make Louis' birthday count, but his plans turn into a fiasco.

🎄 Mistletoe Cove by @wabadabadaba (4k, G)

a small town throws a snowman competition in which two teams are convinced they will be winners of the coveted prize- a reservation to Mistletoe Cove. Only one team can be the winner though, who will it be: Harry Styles and Niall Horan or Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson?

🎄 Ho Ho Hopefully by @larrieblr (5k, T)

The one where Harry is an elf in Santa’s workshop, and Louis is one of the humans he’s been assigned to.

🎄 Just You and I (a starry sky) by @justanothershadeofblue (7k, E)

"getting accidentally pregnant by his childhood best friend-with-benefits" was definitely not on Harry Styles' holiday to-do list - but apparently it's what has happened, so now he has to figure out how to tell Louis without ruining Louis' birthday, their family holiday, oh, and literally everything else about their lives. Oops?

🎄 Grow as We Go by @larryatendoftheday (7k, T)

Six years into their relationship, Harry and Louis hit a breaking point. Louis is tired of shoving the ring box into the back of his underwear drawer, so he throws out an ultimatum.

Or a fic about growing up and choosing each other.

🎄 Snow Squalls & Kitty Paws by @littleroverlouis (8k, G)

Louis and Zayn own The Future is Meow, a bookstore-slash-cat café, and are spreading the holiday cheer to their customers this Christmas Eve. A few morning snow flakes turn into a full-blown blizzard and before they know it, the safest place for them and their employees to spend the night is the bookstore.

Shop regular and object of Louis' affections, Harry, is also snowed in with them— as is another man who Harry seems more than friendly with.

Will it be a Christmas miracle if Louis survives the snow squalls, a seemingly unrequited crush, and a curmudgeonly tortoiseshell cat?

🎄 Silver-White Winters by @lululawrence (9k, NR)

Liam Payne had learned many things as a bartender. He'd learned when people needed to talk, or when they needed a gentle smile. He now knew when they wanted advice or someone to just agree with them. He also had come to recognize when someone was past the limit and needed to be told no.

But when it came to holidays, Liam had learned that when people came into the Neighborhood Pub alone on Christmas Eve, it was for a reason.

Niall, Zayn, Harry, and Louis all definitely have their own reasons for showing up at Liam's bar alone on Christmas Eve. With the help of a surprise winter storm, none of them will have a reason to be alone for long.

🎄 Apparently by Chance, at Precisely the Right Moment by @lousmoonshine (19k, E)

Alpha Harry doesn’t believe in soulmates. Omega Louis has been looking for his soulmate all his life.

🎄 Here where you should be by @lunarheslwt (19k, G)

When Harry, an anxious alpha, found himself panicking over last minute Christmas shopping, he found comfort in the kind omega shop assistant, Louis. He wasn't meant to invite the omega home for Christmas when he found out that he's spending Christmas alone. He wasn't meant to catch feelings. Hell, he wasn't even meant to be able to go home for the holiday. It was shaping up to be a Christmas full of surprises.

🎄 make you mine this season by @disgruntledkittenface (28k, M)

After Harry’s Christmas plans fall through, she decides to surprise her best friend Nick in New York. Unfortunately, Nick decided to surprise her in San Francisco at the same time. When they realize what happened, they each resign themselves to staying and spending time in the other’s city. Harry tries to make the best of things, making elaborate plans to distract herself from feeling lonely, while Nick is just looking forward to her first real vacation from her hectic job in years. Neither of them will have the Christmas that they expected, but maybe they’ll each get the one that they need.

🎄 love drunk, waiting on a miracle by @hellolovers13 (30k, E)

Christmas inspired Coffeshop AU

Harry has a bit of a crush on a customer. Thankfully, the feeling is mutual.

These are their first 24 days together.

🎄 Set the Sky Alight, Oh Holy Night by @londonfoginacup (33k, T)

One house, five almost-strangers (plus Niall), six new beginnings.

🎄 I Keep Looking For Magic by @lululawrence (36k, NR)

Harry loves Christmas, but this year is special. After ten years of boyfriends all failing to ever meet Harry's family, Harry has a fiance to introduce and things are looking like they will be perfect.

Until they break up.

Harry cannot go home alone when he had promised to bring a significant other again. This leaves him with little choice but to find someone to pretend they are his fiance.

Surely nothing could go wrong with this plan.

🎄 Let Your Heart Be Light by @cyantific (59k, WIP, T)

Louis Tomlinson, a self-proclaimed holiday-hater, loses his job two weeks before Christmas. Broke and desperate to see his family back home in England, he takes the only job left at the mall as one of Santa’s helpers. Harry is an unconventional mall Santa, the youngest one they’ve had in years, but with as much holiday spirit as any other seasoned Saint Nick. He’s determined to un-Grinch the new guy in Santa’s Village if it takes until Christmas, then he finds out the devastating reason Louis has lost his Christmas cheer. Will Harry be just the thing Louis needs to help him get his sparkle back?

🎄 Love This Christmas by @chloehl10 (67k, M)

Teacher Harry is excited for Christmas with his class. When new TA Louis starts, sparks fly between the two men. But Louis’ always dashing off, and Harry's left pining. Will Christmas help them find love?

🎄 Mistletoe’s For Two by @ireallysawanangel (90k, E)

After an encounter in a coffee shop with the rudest man he's ever met, Louis hopes the city is just big enough that he'll never bump into him again. When he spots that man at a bar the following evening, a plan begins to form. They both need dates for their respective Christmas parties and decide to use each other for their own benefit. They'll help one another through the holidays and then 'break it off' on New Year's, then agree to never see each other again. Developing feelings was not part of the plan.

[kinderdays]

full name: maxym oliver valentine // status: deceased

people smile and tell me i'm the lucky one

your birth is bittersweet.  a beautiful healthy baby is born into a terribly ugly world, but your mother does not survive.  from your very first day it’s just you and your father.  he’s a capable man, he grew up hunting and camping.  he teaches you everything he knows.  he shows you how to survive off of the land, how to use nothing but your senses.  you grow up loved but lonely.  your father isn’t a trusting man and all he wants to do is keep you safe.  so you bounce from place to place, you never stay for too long.  you don’t make connections, you don’t grow roots.  all you have is each other.  

one day you make camp.  you’ve done it a thousand times, you know what to do.  but something is wrong.  your father wakes you up in a frenzy, you have to move.  there are runners, two of them.  perhaps they were once a couple.  it doesn’t matter now, all that matters is now they’re after you.  your father fights them off, he protects you.  you make it out.  you’ve lost some of your supplies  but you’ve made it out, everything is okay.  then your father stops you.  he has a bite on his arm.  he looks at you, he wraps his hands around your face and wipes away your tears.  he gives you his knife and his pack and he tells you to run.  you don’t want to leave him, he’s all you’ve ever known.  he doesn’t take no for an answer.  your tired legs carry you into the unknown.  you’re sixteen.

i'm so in love with you, honey

a lost boy.  for a while you wander scared, helpless.  you use the skills your father taught you to survive in the wilderness by yourself.  but soon you find a community.  it’s strange, having a room to call your own.  a part of you likes it, likes having a bit of consistency.  you become a soldier and it gives you a purpose.  you make a few friends, they help with the grief.  despite the horrors you’ve seen, you have the miraculous ability to remain an optimist.  there is a young girl who works in the infirmary, she patches you up a few times.  you’ve always been clumsy.  she’s kind, beautiful, brilliant, and you find yourself wanting nothing more than to make her smile.

one day you’re working on a lookout.  it’s a day like any other, you joke with your coworkers, you mess around a bit too much.  you make a wrong move and you tumble feet below.  you’ve always been clumsy, but this time the result is a fractured leg and bruised ribs.  your supervisor, an old friend, sends you to the hotel med bay.  a favor in kind, she knows a certain gentle nurse with golden hair works there.  in the weeks it takes you to recover she sits at your bedside.  she reads you her favorite books.  you learn the missing pieces of the fractured fairy tales your father tried to tell you growing up.  in return you entertain her with stories of the outside world.  you live every day for her.  when you’re healed, there isn’t a single piece of you that wants to leave.  you start missing a few shifts, your leg is still sore and you much prefer helping out around the infirmary.  

now i see a family where there once was none

when the new year comes, so does a new surprise.  a baby.  you hadn’t planned it and you’re scared out of your mind.  the very thing that killed your mother could now take the life of the person who means most to you in the world.  she reassures you everything will be alright.  her mother has helped others in the zone through the process- you both are in good hands.  the thought of having a family- putting down roots for the first time in your life, it’s exciting.  you’ve never had a that before.  you live at her home more than your own.  you eat meals together, you take care of each other.  you’re happy.

but your negligence catches up to you.  a punishment is brought forth, your patrol has changed.  now you have an outside route.  you work double shifts every day.  you come home ragged and barely get enough sleep to refresh for the morning.  she tries to take care of you, she tries to keep you fed and warm, but it’s not enough.  you only get weaker.   one day, when your back is turned, it's all over.

in the end, perhaps you’ll always be a lost boy.  the boy who will never grow up.  you leave behind your golden-haired nurse and your unborn child.  she feels lost without you.  for awhile, her mind is not her own.  she misses work, she lays in bed.  her nightmares return, in the night she calls for you but you can’t reach her.  but it’s alright, she has her mother, her brother.  they save her.  you know she’ll be okay, she was always the strong one.  

playlist –– danny’s song by loggins & messina // rose colored boy by paramore // strange magic by electric light orchestra // yellow by coldplay // teenage dream by stephen dawes // beautiful boy by john lennon // paper rings by taylor swift

character parallels –– jack dawson (titanic), peter parker (spider-man)