#everyone’s blaming Jess whatever for fucking up the story

[moonflower91]

Now that the novelty has worn off, season 3 of Bridgerton was actually somehow worse than season 2. I swear to god if they make Daphnes season the good one…

[ninelivesart]

2024 DNF List

Okay, I want to preface this by explaining that not all of these books are bad. I don't remember half of them. And some of them were just of the "not for me" variety. Or even "not right now." Some of them also got shelved because my Libby check out expired and I just never checked it back out. This was before Storygraph implemented the "pause" feature (love that feature). So some are not bad books. Some I just straight up cannot remember at all.

Also, these are my opinions. So don't @ me if you loved any of these books. Everyone has different tastes and there are some things I just can't overlook. I blame a lot of my DNFs on bad writing, but I do read badly written books. They just have to have more to the story and not take themselves too seriously.

Phoenix Unbound by Grace Draven

RAPEY

2. Broken Bonds by J. Bree

One of the MMCs just straight up threatens to rape her upon the first meeting. BRUH...

3. Veiled by Ruby Smoke

No memory but sounds stupid.

4. A Court of Sugar and Spice by Rebecca F. Kenney

I was really looking forward to a Nutcracker retelling. MCs were too dumb for me to continue. One's a ridiculous flirt. Like in the cringey way. A Victorian noble woman wouldn't be going around calling men "hunks" or whatever stupid shit she was saying. Could not look past her wanting to fuck every man she sees like this isn't the fucking Victorian era. And she said this stuff BOLDLY and OUT LOUD. Often IN FRONT of said hunks. Would not have been socially acceptable and it took me out of the story. But I don't think I was missing much anyway.

5. The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

The first sex scene happens when they're like 15. You could have just written that they did some things without going into graphic detail. A grown ass woman should not be writing about two 15yo boys discovering sex for the first time. What the fuck?

6. The Night Queen by Denise Daye

No memory.

7. Eternally Hers by January Rayne

No memory.

8. Wolf Gone Wild by Juliette Cross

LET ME TELL YOU WHY I DNF'D THIS BOOK OKAY?! Very obviously self-insert MC who is OBSESSED with her Reylo ship. To the point of the MMC noticing her "Reylo forever" t-shirt and how it's hugging her giant breasts. His wolf has his own voice and wants to fuck her immediately. Even though she's the most annoying person he's likely ever met. I DNF'd when she stopped the story to explain to him why Reylo was "the best ship ever." Stop putting your stupid ships into your work! No one cares that you ruined Star Wars! YIKES!

9. The September House by Carissa Orlando

She was way too nonchalant about her husband mysteriously disappearing and her walls bleeding. Also just like not telling her daughter that her dad is missing and then not understanding why she's upset. Honestly, the boomer mentality was probably the most realistic part.

10. The Stone Circle Queen by Ophelia Wells Langley

I did read the first one. And I remember liking it for the most part. But I did get hung up on the part where the author misgenders her own non-binary character. And that kind of pissed me off. I can't remember why I DNF'd this one beyond the fact that I was confused and couldn't remember what happened.

11. Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros

Listen. I got suckered in by the cool sprayed edges too. But I love myself too much to keep going.

12. Shardless by Stephanie Fisher

No memory.

13. Never Whistle at Night by Multiple

THIS WAS NOT A BAD BOOK. Just not for me, I'm sorry. I really struggle with horror because there are some themes that upset me. And this one just made me a little uncomfy and I couldn't hang. But it's a horror anthology so that's the point. I'm just a big baby.

14. The Sun, the Storm, & the Shadows by Mikayla D. Hornedo

I was excited about this one because it's a fae story but based on Maya mythology. But it was badly written and I couldn't hang.

15. Between Wrath and Mercy by Jess Wisecup

I don't remember a lot but I'm pretty sure there's a rape scene early on. I didn't finish it because as soon as the vibes headed in that direction, I noped out. I did check Storygraph to see if I was picking up what they were putting down and it said yes. So no thank you.

16. Hallows End by Kristen Proby

LET ME COUNT THE WAYS. Okay, this book was badly written to the point of making me rage quit. I don't remember much of the plot but I remember there's a scene where she shows up at MMC's house in the middle of the night in her pajamas with no shoes for some reason? And is like "I was just chased by a monster!" They then proceed to passionately make out and the monster chase scene is never explained, elaborated on, or brought back up. Idk maybe it becomes relevant later but it felt just so out of place and a weird way to get your characters to make out. I also remember that instead of writing the monster chase scene the MMC proceeds to explain the entire history of the Salem Witch Trials to you like it's a new thing you've never heard of. All while she's apparently being chased by a monster in her jammies. Which is not as important as teaching you something you probably already know, or can just read on Wikipedia. The chase scene happens off page. But not the redundant history lesson. Idk. They fell in love in like 5 minutes. I couldn't.

17. The Divine and the Cursed by J.E. Reed

I don't remember why.

18. The Umbra King by Jamie Applegate Hunter

No memory.

19. Among the Beasts and Briars by Ashley Poston

No memory.

20. Sofi and the Bone Song by Adrienne Tooley

I'm pretty sure this was just one of my Libby returns that I forgot about because I didn't read enough of it.

21. The Diablo's Curse by Gabe Cole Novoa

I KNOW this one was a Libby return that I didn't read fast enough. I didn't listen to a lot of it but it was interesting so it went back on my tbr.

22. It Happened One Summer by Tessa Bailey

I only picked it up because of the same initials thing. I read her Christmas one the year before and didn't hate it so I thought I could handle this one. I hated the characters too much to get into it. I can relate to an ex-con who wants to build elaborate window displays but not a spoiled rich girl crying about inheriting a bar. Idk.

23. The Crimson Moth/Heartless Hunter by Kristen Ciccarelli

I know people like this one but I couldn't get passed the magic system. I do remember thinking the writing wasn't very good but I can sometimes overlook that. I could not, however, overlook collecting your friend's PERIOD blood to rub sigils on your skin for magic. GROSS. I also remember an absolutely ridiculous scene where she's trying to get LI to drink from a glass she put a truth spell on, with period blood, and drinks it herself to prove it's not cursed. Then acts like an idiot. The secondhand embarrassment was overwhelming. Also, she's supposed to be this like super intelligent vigilante but does stupid shit like that.

24. The Witch Handbook to Magic and Mayhem by Tish Thawer

I don't remember why I stopped but the premise was interesting. I do remember being confused about trying to keep track of all the characters and their different powers. But I can't tell you what pushed me over the edge.

25. After the Forest by Kell Woods

I don't think this one was bad. I was just bored.

26. The Gathering Dark by Tori Bovalino

I think horror anthologies are just not for me. I remember enjoying a few of the shorts but I just never picked it back up again. I think the short format just bores me.

27. One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig

I see this one recommended a lot but the writing is bad. And I remember thinking she over explained a lot of unnecessary information. Like there's a whole scene where the MC is licking berry juice or honey or something off her fingers. And she takes the time to inform you that there are also ants on her fingers. Which she eats. So yeah. That was weird.

28. Fairest by Marissa Meyer

Listen, I love the Lunar Chronicles. I could NOT make myself enjoy reading about the Queen. There's a word for what you're doing, babes! It's called Sexual Assault. Like I know we knew that already. But I couldn't make myself read it. She was awful from birth and I think Meyer did a good job of showing her THINKING that she's doing the right thing while being horrible. Well written. Very triggering. Could not put myself through it.

29. How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix

I honestly just couldn't get into it. Brother pissed me off. I was bored.

30. Wires and Nerve by Marissa Meyer

This is no fault of the story or author. But the copy I got was covered in crumbs and Cheeto stains. I can't hang with the nasties. I will try again when we replace it. Gross.

31. Phantom Phenomena by Darkness Prevails

This book is about the point that I realized I don't like short, personal ghost stories. They bore me and 99% of them aren't even scary.

32. Haint Country by Matthew R. Sparks

This was my biggest disappointment this year. This book has itself labeled as Appalachian folklore but it's, again, just people's not scary ghost stories that happen to take place in Kentucky. There's no actual folklore. I gave up after one story was just "We waited for the bus on our aunt's porch every day and she'd leave the light on for us. The light stayed on after she died! Spooky" it wasn't. If you like those kinds of books, it's probably fine. But I don't think that I do. And I was hoping for more actual folklore.

[kylejsugarman]

Idk if you’ve answered this already but at what point in their relationship did Jesse tell Demi ab his past? How did that go over? How much does she know?

ive mentioned it some before but i haven't really gone super in depth!! as u all may know, i am very "and then everyone made it to alaska and everything ended up ok!! :)" minded, so i dont have a big dramatic revelation beat to my story and ultimately, jesse never tells demi that he's living under a completely new identity. however, he does tell her a Lot of other things, partially because he trusts her, partially because he feels guilty keeping things from her that might make her see him differently; he feels that she deserves to know how fucked up he is so she can escape him and avoid tying herself down to a mistake. jesse first tells her about his drug use after demi explains how her sister died, again out of that guilt and the expectation that she won't want to associate with a former(ish) addict, but demi saw firsthand how powerful addiction can be and isnt scared off. when it comes to his criminal history, it takes him a little longer to work up the nerve to disclose that stuff: he's afraid of both endangering her by letting her know what he's done and losing her. he drops a few things along the way, usually related to drug dealing and production since she was so understanding of that aspect of his past, but once they decide to get married, he feels that he owes it to her to be totally honest. the dark details of making and selling the drugs, being around violence and controlling figures. enacting violence himself. losing people. being sold into slavery. he leaves out specific identifying details (demi's never been a current events kind of person but he cant risk her connecting those dots) and places a lot of the blame on himself instead of trying to describe the people from his past who were pulling a lot of those strings. its basically an abridged version of the show's events, no names, no details in certain places (he doesnt even tell her which state he used to live in), and no forgiveness.

demi listens patiently the whole time, not asking many questions along the way. she tenses up when he touches on captivity, but otherwise her demeanor remains open and nonjudgmental. when it's over, she doesn't say anything, which is somehow worse than disgust. jesse is so wound up at this point that he flips out on her, insisting that this is her time to cut her losses. he's a criminal, a fucking murderer. he's evil. demi still doesnt react the way he wants and instead just waits until he's out of venom before reaching out to very gently smooth down his hair. petting the angry, upset dog instead of reflexively giving him away. "im sorry you've had to carry that around with you all this time," she says softly and that breaks him. because it Has been so hard carrying that around. demi asks a few more questions, clarifies a few more things, then tells him what she thinks. that she's seen how he acts now, how he treats people, how he treats himself. that she grew up with a father who sounds like the figures he alluded to in his story. that she is uncertain and insecure about a lot of things, but she's never been more sure that jesse is a good person and that she loves him irrespective of whatever came before. "im dangerous," he insists, a former fighting dog that would rather die than return to the ring. a hand on his own—"then why do i feel so safe with u?"

it's not perfect. there will always be things that jesse never shares with her and he will never totally forgive himself because as the one living person who knows the Extent of what went down, he feels that it's his responsibility to hold himself accountable for It for the rest of his life. demi's perception of him Does change, although not entirely in a negative way, and she is a little hurt that he expected her to bail so quickly and she can't lie and say that her mind doesn't occasionally drift to the fact that her husband has killed people. but at the end of the day, they're two broken people who were utterly convinced that their lives were over before they found each other. this is their second chance at life and they're never going to take that or each other for granted. whatever comes, they're going to face it together

[i-make-fun-of-spn-characters]

I feel like you've given most spn related things some lil spice but I always love the spice on this : hot spicy take on the "Dean is the most horrible character and ruins everyone's life and Sam and Cas are poor little meow meows who only do bad things sometimes because tyran Dean farted in their direction" takes that are not really only said by anti-Dean peeps ? Obsessed with that incredible thesis and would love the added spice ❤

SPICY HOT HOT GHOST PEPPERS CAROLINA REAPERS HELP I'M BURNING

I really try to respect other people’s opinions, and I believe there are a wealth of ways to interpret a story, and I think that’s a deeply beautiful thing. This applies to interpretations I don't agree with and outright dislike as well. That said, some opinions are simply and objectively bad, dishonest, and/or demonstrably false, and I truly do not believe you can sit down and honestly watch through the show with an open mind about all the characters, truly pay attention to what they do, say, and believe, and come to the conclusion that this show is about an evil manipulative abusive man terrorizing his pure and sinless brother and friend. It is an interpretation built from cherry picking facts to suit an ugly, miserable theory, making Mount Everest out of a bunch of the tiny mole hills, making the worst possible presumptions of feelings and intentions, and holding characters to completely different standards in order to neatly divide them into "abused" and "abuser" in a way that, frankly, fetishizes the abused person. I despise this interpretation of the story with every fiber of my being, and I have absolutely no respect for the opinion of anyone who peddles it, regardless of who they cast as villain/victim (because people have also done this with the others—it’s just more “popular” to do it with Dean... I mean... does anyone else remember how people were shitting on Sam after his emotional reaction in 14.12? Calling him an evil abuser? Because I do).

The thing that always gets me about this take isn't just how dishonest, unfair, mean-spirited, and compassionless it is in its treatment of Dean’s feelings, circumstances, and intentions... but how deeply reductive and offensive it is toward Sam and Castiel, sucking away their identities to turn them into effigies to mourn for their sad, Stockholm syndrome-esque attachment to their "abuser". Further, it grips the heart of the show—the relationship between Sam and Dean, and then the relationship among TFW as a whole—in a tight, uncompromising fist and pulverizes it. It literally rips out the heart of the show (the RELATIONSHIPS) and replaces it with something unprepossessing of any merit: A miserable, 15 years long story about a malicious abuser getting away with terrorizing those closest to him for his entire life, while his poor abuse victims suffer through until they die for him/happy to be reunited with him because they “don’t know any better” and never ever learned better, I guess. What a stupid, sad sack of a story.

Castiel is a thousands of years old celestial being who has literally beaten Dean into the pavement under no form of mind control, and has shown over and over again that he will do whatever the hell he wants, regardless of whatever Dean thinks about being sidelined. If he thinks whatever he is doing is in Dean's best interest, he literally does not care how Dean feels about it. He will nod and smile and then fly off and swallow thousands of souls with Dean begging him not to, shove Dean out of the way to attack the big bad, leave Dean alone in Purgatory, refuse to come out of Purgatory so he can self-flagellate, fly off with the angel tablet, help Sam with the Book of the Damned, let Lucifer possess him without anyone's knowledge or agreement, come into Dean's room under the guise of apologizing for ghosting him so that he can steal The Colt out from under his pillow and murder someone, decide not to murder that person and still prevent Sam and Dean from helping by knocking them both unconscious, get himself killed, make a deal to trade his life for Jack's and never tell anyone, hide information and worries and ignore phone calls, ghost Sam and Dean, and bicker and fight with Dean as if they are a married couple. Love sickness and feelings of worthlessness (which Cas has a wealth of reasons to feel—many of which aren’t even related to Dean but to his heavenly family) are reinterpreted as the result of some sort of constant, terrorizing emotional abuse. Power and authority that Dean does not actually have is forced into his hands by these fans. Maybe listen when Cas says, “Hey—not everything is your fault.” Maybe listen when he says “I loved the whole world because of you”, calls Dean a role model, says he enjoys their conversations, offers to die with him and dies for him multiple times. Maybe treat these feelings as genuine and valid and HIS and not as the delusions of some poor manipulated baby. 

Sam is framed this way even more often than Cas, and it's a damn shame, because what I typically see is this: Sam’s development into a mediator and peacemaker is twisted and reinterpreted as coming from a place of weakness and/or fear. Rationality, maturity, wisdom, and compassion are not the traits of a scared, powerless child. They are the traits of a mature adult, who has been beaten down by life, and fought and raged against his circumstances, and somehow come out of it with more kindness and understanding and strength instead of less. He has made his own decisions whenever it was possible, within the set of circumstances doled out to him. From telling his dad to go fuck himself and going to college, to getting back into hunting to avenge Jess (NOT because of Dean—Dean took him home without complaint at the end of the woman in white case), to continuing to hunt after their father died because he wanted to feel close to him (Dean was actually weirded out and sort of disgusted by this), raging and fighting to save Dean from his deal against Dean’s wishes, continuing to hunt and working with Ruby (directly against Dean’s dying wish), drinking demon blood, jumping in the cage, leaving hunting to go be with Amelia, coming back to hunting to save Kevin, fighting with Dean over what he had with Amelia and threatening to leave if Dean didn't shut his mouth, leaving Amelia to go back to hunting (Dean ultimately suggests he go back to her—Sam chooses to stay), trying to kill Benny, demanding to be the one to do The Trials and saying he is going to SURVIVE them—that being the ENTIRE POINT, losing that resolve in a fit of depression but choosing to drop the knife, demanding space from Dean (and being given it), fighting to save Demon Dean who didn’t want to be found or saved, using the Book of the Damned against Dean’s wishes, telling Charlie that this is what he wants—that he used to want normal but now all he wants is to hunt with Dean and that he doesn’t know what he��ll do if he can’t have that, unleashing the Darkness in his desperation to keep Dean with him and even saying, “I would do it again” in the aftermath, saving the town being destroyed by Amara, getting into The Cage with Lucifer, leading a team against the British Men of Letters, nurturing Jack, punching Dean in the face when he was going to sacrifice himself, leading more hunters, wielding a gun against Chuck... and that’s just some highlights. Sam Fucking Winchester does not need your bullshit about him being some sad, scared, helpless baby lorded over by mean old Dean who has never let him do anything he wants. 

Yes, in the text itself, there is jealousy and resentment at times, and there is legitimate and righteous anger on Sam’s part on a few occasions. There is blame cast on Dean by Sam for some of these choices/circumstances. Some of those moments where Dean is blamed are legitimate, and some of them... frankly, are not. Within the framework of the fucked up dynamics of the way they were raised, Sam and some fans bristle when they feel Dean is casting himself as the parent he is not, but Sam also has been guilty in the past of trying to reframe himself as Dean’s child when things got tough. Neither of them is responsible for the origin of that dynamic, but they BOTH have responsibility to change it, and they both, ultimately, succeed in doing so. For Sam, his part comes in recognizing and learning to fully own his own choices. Recognizing that he is not a child, and he is certainly not Dean’s child, and it isn’t just “Mummy—loosen the grip”, but Sam has to too—not claim independence only to blame Dean for his choices when his own decisions have an ultimate outcome he is unhappy with. That is a legitimate arc that Sam goes through imo, but he comes out the other side of it, and he and Dean relate to each other much better as peers from then on—and I’d like to note that throughout the entire series, when they don’t relate as perfect peers and teammates, it isn’t always Dean “bossing Sam around”, but Sam also trying to sideline Dean and yes—boss him around. And when they lied and hurt each other and yes, even manipulated each other, Dean most certainly wasn't always the one doing the lying and hurting and manipulating. Always, always, ALWAYS, they both had an understandable point of view, and it was complex, and you could understand why they made the choices they did, even if you thought of those choices as being wrong ones. 

I also would like to point out (because this is basically what I see all of the time) that Dean being hurt by someone or simply voicing his feelings or opinion is in no way abusive or manipulative. Dean is certainly charismatic and loved and his returning love and respect is often deeply desired, but he is not an actual siren, who bends people to his will simply by speaking or being. People are, in fact, able to tell him “no”, and frequently FREQUENTLY do. Further more, no one is owed his affection, his unwavering loyalty, or his trust. He has a right to his boundaries, regardless of if it makes some poor sad sap feel deprived of the “wellspring of coveted love” while he works through things. He can be hurt and angry, and he can wear his heart on his sleeve at times, and he can be flawed, and broken. [Insert Castiel's speech from 15.18 here]. So can Sam. So can Cas. None of them are manipulating each other by virtue of getting angry, feeling hurt, being traumatized, needing space, or having differing opinions or feelings. Sam didn’t punch Dean in the face in 14.12 because he's a cruel, manipulative abuser trying to force Dean under his thumb. He didn’t work behind Dean’s back with Ruby, insist on doing The Trials, beg Dean to use Doc Benton’s alchemy, use the Book of the Damned to cure Dean, pump him full of blood to cure him of being a demon despite the fact that it might kill him, or scream at him and fight him for wanting to get in the Ma’lak box because he “doesn’t respect his autonomy” and “wants to control him” and “doesn’t respect his right to his own body”. He did it because he loves him desperately, and Dean could stand to fucking hate himself less, and he fiercely wanted Dean to live even when Dean didn’t want to or couldn’t picture what that could be like. He didn’t force Dean to do anything simply by opening his mouth to voice disagreement and swaying Dean when he did so. Now reverse that. 

Cas didn't beat Dean into the ground in season 5 because he wanted to terrorize him into never going against Castiel ever again. He didn’t go behind his back dozens of times, sideline him, go MIA, all because he wanted to manipulate and control Dean and punish him. He didn’t throw sassy remarks at him to shatter his self-esteem. Now reverse that. 

*Breathes*

Anyway, fuck "X is abusive” interpretations. 

[slashersins]

Oooo since you like ghostly/paranornal shit which of the slashers do you think actually believe in that stuff? Or better yet how do you think theyd fare if a paranormal encounter happened to them?

oh jeez , here we go 

Oooo since you like ghostly/paranornal shit which of the slashers do you think actually believe in that stuff? Or better yet how do you think theyd fare if a paranormal encounter happened to them?

michael

michael doesn’t believe in it . he’s doesn’t want to think that the people he’s killed can haunt him or anything or any place . they’re done . life drained and blood spilled . he’s the monster here . not these dead people he leaves in his wake . 

he probably would rationalize it . or ignore it . don’t admit it happened . it was just his imagination . he already can hear voices that urge him to violence . he will assume it’s something like that and shrug it off . 

it’s a hard pass for michael . 

thomas

he isn’t superstitious . he has other things to worry about . he has more pressing things haunting him . mostly his painful and traumatic childhood , and his past . there are enough ‘ghosts’ lingering in his mind . but that doesn’t mean it’s out of the question completely . he’s a good christian boy . he believes in life after death . he just doesn’t want to think that you’d get trapped between the two .

dear lord , tommy wouldn’t be having it . he’d be finding luda’s old bible and toting it around while tugging you close and making little crosses for the house . keep that shit out his house , he’s busy enough as he is . 

safe to say , he has a healthy respect and dislike of ghosts . he’d be spooked . 

bubba

i don’t think bubba truly understand the concept of ghosts . sure , he knows what they are , but he also thinks that ghosts are white bed sheet covered beings with eye holes cut out . please don’t blame bubba for his lack of understanding . drayton doesn’t believe in any of that mess and he wasn’t about to let his brothers believe in it either . so it’s all lost on him . 

as for an experience . . . i feel like bubba would be confused . confused and a bit spooked . probably resorting to trying to chainsaw whatever paranormal even was happening if he got spooked enough . 

bubba is confused . please keep the ghosts away . the house can’t take being carved into , its already almost falling apart . 

jason

jason believes in ghosts . his mother is one . his mother’s spirit talks to him , keeps him company , and has been his constant companion for years and years . he’s more gentle in that nature . he respects the dead and the dead respect him . after all , he is a zombie .

jason handles it the best out of everyone .

brahms

do not . i repeat , do not , talk to him about ghosts . he’s afraid of them . he believes in them . hell , he made you believe he was one for the longest time . there were moments he forgot he wasn’t a ghost . but god , he lives in that mansion alone , he hears every creak every crack and the idea that something besides him and his s/o being in the house creeps him out . 

if there was ever a paranormal experience he’d freak . he’d be by your side and panicked and in need of cuddles .he can’t handle it y/n . he doesn’t want to be haunted . 

horror movies on this topic and all books on this topic are to be ignored and not read or watched . the man will get nightmares . 

jesse

he’s too rich to believe in ghosts . he doesn’t care . that’s it . that’s all there is . he just . nope . hard pass . that’s all bullshit . that’s his logic . and if a ghost was real , it couldn’t hurt you . silly , y/n . why be afraid of a ghost ? 

he’d logic out any paranormal thing . he has cameras everywhere . something moved ? it was the wind . there’s a voice ? someone’s gonna get murdered because why the fuck is there a stranger in his house ? he’s no nonsense with his nonsense . 

good luck trying to convince jesse of ghosts . you could be a ghost and he still wouldn’t believe you . 

billy & stu

with the amount of horror they watch . . . yes . hands down . you got yourself a pair of cemetery visiting , haunted house going , armature paranormal investigators . ghosts are real . and they’re gonna prove it . these two will even try to invite ghosts to follow them home . they want some shit haunted . they are the most playful and giddy about it . with stu laughing and shrieking and being the camera man while billy tries to play it cool and sneak around abandoned places for that sweet ghost footage . 

no doubt these two would eat it up . barely scared and smug as hell to have caught something on tape or even just have a creepy story to share . these two are the types that would try to summon a demon with a ouija board . 

keep an eye on these two . they’re gonna get arrested for breaking and entering into the old hospital . again . 

[slashersins-abandoned]

anonymous asked :

Oooo since you like ghostly/paranornal shit which of the slashers do you think actually believe in that stuff? Or better yet how do you think theyd fare if a paranormal encounter happened to them?

michael

michael doesn’t believe in it . he’s doesn’t want to think that the people he’s killed can haunt him or anything or any place . they’re done . life drained and blood spilled . he’s the monster here . not these dead people he leaves in his wake .

he probably would rationalize it . or ignore it . don’t admit it happened . it was just his imagination . he already can hear voices that urge him to violence . he will assume it’s something like that and shrug it off .

it’s a hard pass for michael .

thomas

he isn’t superstitious . he has other things to worry about . he has more pressing things haunting him . mostly his painful and traumatic childhood , and his past . there are enough ‘ghosts’ lingering in his mind . but that doesn’t mean it’s out of the question completely . he’s a good christian boy . he believes in life after death . he just doesn’t want to think that you’d get trapped between the two .

dear lord , tommy wouldn’t be having it . he’d be finding luda’s old bible and toting it around while tugging you close and making little crosses for the house . keep that shit out his house , he’s busy enough as he is .

safe to say , he has a healthy respect and dislike of ghosts . he’d be spooked .

bubba

i don’t think bubba truly understand the concept of ghosts . sure , he knows what they are , but he also thinks that ghosts are white bed sheet covered beings with eye holes cut out . please don’t blame bubba for his lack of understanding . drayton doesn’t believe in any of that mess and he wasn’t about to let his brothers believe in it either . so it’s all lost on him .

as for an experience … i feel like bubba would be confused . confused and a bit spooked . probably resorting to trying to chainsaw whatever paranormal even was happening if he got spooked enough .

bubba is confused . please keep the ghosts away . the house can’t take being carved into , its already almost falling apart .

jason

jason believes in ghosts . his mother is one . his mother’s spirit talks to him , keeps him company , and has been his constant companion for years and years . he’s more gentle in that nature . he respects the dead and the dead respect him . after all , he is a zombie .

jason handles it the best out of everyone .

brahms

do not . i repeat , do not , talk to him about ghosts . he’s afraid of them . he believes in them . hell , he made you believe he was one for the longest time . there were moments he forgot he wasn’t a ghost . but god , he lives in that mansion alone , he hears every creak every crack and the idea that something besides him and his s/o being in the house creeps him out .

if there was ever a paranormal experience he’d freak . he’d be by your side and panicked and in need of cuddles .he can’t handle it y/n . he doesn’t want to be haunted .

horror movies on this topic and all books on this topic are to be ignored and not read or watched . the man will get nightmares .

jesse

he’s too rich to believe in ghosts . he doesn’t care . that’s it . that’s all there is . he just . nope . hard pass . that’s all bullshit . that’s his logic . and if a ghost was real , it couldn’t hurt you . silly , y/n . why be afraid of a ghost ?

he’d logic out any paranormal thing . he has cameras everywhere . something moved ? it was the wind . there’s a voice ? someone’s gonna get murdered because why the fuck is there a stranger in his house ? he’s no nonsense with his nonsense .

good luck trying to convince jesse of ghosts . you could be a ghost and he still wouldn’t believe you .

billy & stu

with the amount of horror they watch … yes . hands down . you got yourself a pair of cemetery visiting , haunted house going , armature paranormal investigators . ghosts are real . and they’re gonna prove it . these two will even try to invite ghosts to follow them home . they want some shit haunted . they are the most playful and giddy about it . with stu laughing and shrieking and being the camera man while billy tries to play it cool and sneak around abandoned places for that sweet ghost footage .

no doubt these two would eat it up . barely scared and smug as hell to have caught something on tape or even just have a creepy story to share . these two are the types that would try to summon a demon with a ouija board .

keep an eye on these two . they’re gonna get arrested for breaking and entering into the old hospital . again .

[harrysgloves]

Fine Line (Chapter 5)

>>>Catch up with the Fine Line Masterlist!<<<

word count: 2.5k

story summary: Since you were kids you and Harry had always walked that fine line of friends or something more. Now, pregnant by someone else, you find yourself staying with your long time best friend after things go sour with your boyfriend of 3 years.

Singlemom!Reader x Harry Styles

chapter summary: Your last night with your friends in town ends the same way it did in your childhood, curled up with Harry.

warnings: Language

a/n: Editing? I don’t know her. xx

>>><<<

You flipped through a trashy magazine as your head laid on the soft pillow on Harry's couch. You knew you should have been looking for an apartment but you were determined to spend your remaining night with your girls in peace.

"What are you going to do when you can't paint your toes yourself?" Gemma asked as she dipped the brush back into the yellow polish you had snagged from Harry's bathroom cabinet.

"Make Harry do it." You said with a smile as you flipped another page.

"Fucker used to steal my polish so much." She grumbled as you let out a snorting laugh.

"You two ever going to talk about your thing?" Abby asked as she plopped back down in the living room a jar of pickles and peanut butter in hand along with ice cream and mayonnaise in the other. Your pregnancy cravings were already out of control and weird as hell.

"We don't have a thing." You said as you reached from the pickle jar, Abby jerking it out of your reach as she glared at you.

"We didn't believe you when you were 14. We don't believe you now." Gemma scoffed as she screwed the top back on the nail polish bottle.

"Withholding pickles from a pregnant lady should be illegal." You whined as you laid back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling of Harry's house.

"Just tell us the truth." Abby said with a smile as she tauntingly held the pickles in front of your eyes from where you laid.

"Nothing to tell." You said as you stared longingly at the jar of food that quickly disappeared from your line of sight. Your eyes following it to see the very unimpressed Abby's disbelieving face staring at you.

"Bullshit." Gemma said with a laugh as she took the jar of pickles, eating one, and mouthing 'so good'. Adding fuel to the flames as you rolled your eyes at her.

"The room you're staying in is decorated in bunnies, and you're trying to tell us nothing is going on?" Abby's eyebrow raised at you as Gemma happily ate YOUR pickles.

"Oi, it was a stupid childhood nickname." You said as you made grabby hands for the jar that Gemma pulled out of your reach.

"Fine, you two really want to know?" You asked with a huff their heads nodding instantly as they situated themselves for story time.

"Wait." Gemma paused as she got settled in her spot. "You're not going to tell me weird sex shit about my brother, right?"

"I will if you don't hand me that jar." You said barely having time to catch it as she shrieked and threw it at you.

"That's what I thought." You mumbled as you got the jar of mayonnaise, opening both to dip your pickle in it.

"God, that's fucking disgusting." Gemma said as she pulled a grossed out face. Watching you eating your snack with pure disgust.

"Never mind that. Spill the tea." Abby said as she laid her head in her hands, peering up to the couch at you.

"You two asked for it." You mumbled under your breath. Your back pressed against the couch as you let out a sigh.

"So, you know we were always close right?" You said as you dipped a pickle in the jar of mayonnaise. Their heads nodding their agreement as Abby gestured for you to continue with your story.

"And that summer before he left for his first tour we were really close?" Your eyes stayed fixed on your treat, teeth chewing the side of your cheek as you thought back to your time with your sweet Hazza.

"Yes! Oh my god, get on with it!" Abby groaned as you rolled your eyes at her. Gemma looking somewhere between curious and weirded out.

"Well, we had sex, he was my first."

"Ew. Okay, I don't think I can do this." Gemma said as she pulled a disgusted face. Abby quickly slapping her across the shoulder telling her to shut it as you continued.

"Anyways," You said as you glared at Gemma. "Afterwards, he started saying all this shit about staying with me 'cause my dad had just got his diagnosis, you know?"

Your eyes stinging with tears you were holding back as you swallowed harshly. The memories of your dad explaining to you that he wasn't just a normal kind of sick burning into your mind. The feeling of absolute hopelessness engulfing you all over again as he explained to you that he was too far gone for chemo treatments.

"So, I told him it was over. Whatever we had was a one time thing." You said as you took a bite from your snack as Abby's eyes widened.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Cause of the look Gemma is giving me right now." You said with a smile as Gemma continued to look absolutely horrified.

"It's just weird picturing my brother and you…" She trailed off as she gagged dramatically.

"Ew, don't picture us!" You shrieked, throwing a couch pillow at her.

"I can't help it!"

"Wait, so, have you liked him this whole time?" Abby asked as she ripped the pillow away from Gemma, your face giving away the answer before you could even speak.

"It's complicated." You said with a sigh. Your hands running down your face as you groaned.

"Can't be that complicated." Abby said as she rolled her eyes. Your hormones flaring as you debated smacking her. It was complicated. Or at least, to you it was complicated.

"I moved on with Jess." Your lips pursed as you thought about all the times he was there for you.

You had known him growing up but he was more Harry's friend than your friend. Once Harry left you two got closer. After your dad passed and your mom got sick he fell into place as the person who helped you through everything. By the time Harry got back from tour you'd convinced yourself you'd moved on. Replacing Harry with Jesse.

"Oh, you mean the asshole who knocked you up and left?" Gemma said with a very blatant tone of anger running through her voice. Even though you couldn't blame her for being angry, hell even you were still angry at him. You still had this part of your mind nagging at you to protect him. After all, he was the father of your soon to be child.

"Think he just needs time." You swallowed down the lump in your throat from the lie you had just told. Both your friends not believing you but neither one of them wanting to push the topic and trigger a hormonal meltdown.

>>>

"Wish you guys weren't leaving so soon." You said a little while later. Another rom-com playing in the background as you braided Abby's hair.

"I know." Gemma sighed, her eyes shooting up from her spot on the floor as you tried your best to hide the disappointment on your face.

You were going to miss them.

Miss the comfort and stability they gave you.

"I can stay another week." Abby popped up, making you stop fiddling with her hair.

"No you can't. Your boss already hates you and Kevin hasn't stopped calling since you left. The boy is like a lost puppy without you." A smile on your face as Abby swatted away your hands. Pissed you called out her man like that but you thought it was adorable.

He absolutely loved her. Exactly how she should be loved. Exactly how you wanted to be loved and accepted by some future partner.

"He's not a lost puppy." She grumbled as Gemma laughed.

"Yes he is!" She said through giggles, your own laugh ringing through the air as Abby grumbled from in front of you.

"Missin' all the fun?" Harry said from the dining room, a grin on his face as he saw all of you in his living room. Remembering all the times you three would camp out in the living room back when you were kids.

"Fun's just starting." You said as you moved over on the couch, tapping for him to sit beside you. "'Bout to make this lot flip on Footloose."

"No!" Gemma cried as she looked at you. Her eyes pleading with you to not make her watch it.

"God, please. Any other movie!" Abby groaned as Harry let out a chuckle, settling beside you on the couch. His arm around the back of it as you settled into his side.

"Come on. Me and Y/N know all the dance moves." Harry said with that toothy grin as his hand cupped the side of your head. His fingers playing with your hair as you hummed your agreement.

"Wish mum was here. She wouldn't let you two watch it." Gemma huffed with her hands crossing over her chest. Her eyes glaring at the ceiling.

"Whatever. We killed it back then. Only dance this fucker knew how to do." You said as you nudged Harry in his side.

"Oi, I wasn't that bad of a dancer!" He said loudly as you cracked up laughing at him. The other two joining in as you gave his cheek a few pitty taps.

"Whatever you gotta tell yourself, Hazza." Your smile across your lips as he mumbled about you being the world's biggest brat and pulling you in closer to his side.

The movie was barely on for 10 minutes before Abby and Gemma passed out. Their soft and not so soft snores filling the living room.

"They bitch 'bout the movie and they don't even make it 10 minutes in." Harry grumbled beside you as you shrugged.

This was a very accurate representation of your youth. Hanging with your friends and them passing out way before you, leaving you awake with Harry.

"Not like I didn't expect it." You said, Harry humming his agreement as your head rested on his lap. "How was Mitch and Sarah?"

"Fine. Annoyin'." He grumbled as you turned over on your back to peer up at him. The dark room surrounding both of you, the blue light of the TV hitting across the high peaks of his cheek bones.

"You think everyone's annoying." You smiled as he turned his head down to look at you. His lips curling as his hand rubbed up and down your arm. Something so soothing that he'd done so many times.

"Not you." He said as you snuggled into his tummy. His hand tightening around your arm slightly as he felt that familiar fluttering of butterflies swirling in his stomach from your touch. "Well maybe if y'keep eating all the pickles and mayonnaise in the house."

"I can't help it!" You gasped, your head snapping to get a view of him smirking at you.

"Mhm. Just wanted to stay fo' a few days fo' my snacks, bunny. Don't lie." His fingers cupped under your chin as he lifted your eyes to look at him.

You swallowed that feeling burning deep inside of you as you smiled sweetly up to him. His eyes twinkling with that hint of mischief you used to know so well.

You didn't have to read minds to know you two were already slipping back into those murky waters of the unknown chemistry between you two.

"You do have good snacks. Those little cookie things? Yeah, they're amazing."

"I saw you eatin' those mint chocolate cookies with mustard. How the fuck is that good?" He scoffed out a laugh, reality slapping you in the face as you shrugged.

"Dunno, the baby wants it."

The room felt like the air was taken out of it as you both stared at each other. The baby, Jesse, Camille, all of it running back into both your minds as Kevin Bacon's voice rang around the room. Your body pulled away from him even though your mind begged you not to.

"When's y'appointment?" He asked as his hands rubbed down his thighs, fidgeting with his rings.

"Thursday." Your eyes stayed fixed directly on the TV as you spoke. Teeth biting your bottom lip as your arms wrapped around yourself.

"So, they'll be gone." He asked, gesturing to the two snoring logs on the floor in front of you two.

"Mhm."

"You tell Jess 'bout it?" He asked and even though your eyes were burning holes through the television you could feel his uneasiness.

"Yup." You said with a sigh, leaning back against the couch. "Well, I tried but you know…"

"He's a dick." Harry mumbled under his breath a smile cracking on your face as you nodded your agreement.

"Maybe he'll come around." You shrugged, your fingers picking off the lint on your plaid pajama bottoms. Not wanting to get into this with him.

Not wanting to get into this conversation with anyone.

"Maybe I'll call my mum and she'll make him come 'round." Harry offered with that grin on his face.

"Okay. I want the option of him being in the baby's life. If Anne gets ahold of him, it's game over."

"Yeah, she'd be a bit… violent." He said with a laugh, your head nodding as you hummed your agreement.

"Remember when my homecoming date stood me up? That was scary." You blew out a breath as your eyes widened, remembering her storming into the dance to tell him off.

While it was sweet. It was probably the most embarrassing experience of your teenage years.

That and the time you started your period in a white skirt but you tried your absolute hardest to forget that ever happened. Even though Harry was sweet enough to give you his gym shorts for the day it was a fucking nightmare.

"Pretty sure that guy cried."

"We had a good time though." You said a smile ghosting your lips as your head rested on his shoulder. Him humming his agreement as his own head rested on top of yours.

"I'll go with yeh to y'appointment." He said a little while later, his eyes looking down to see you already staring at him.

"You don't have to, Haz. Know you hate doctors offices." His eyes rolling at you as he nudged you a bit with his shoulder.

"'S different when 's me goin'. Wanna go with yeh."

"You sure?" You questioned, your eyebrows furrowed as you stared at him. Knowing damn well his white coat anxiety was rough on him.

He just rolled his eyes at you. Smiling as he nodded his head. His arm reached around to pull you into his chest and even though you knew deep down inside of you that you two were crossing that line. You couldn't help how good he made you feel.

You sighed, settling into his chest. Eyes growing heavy as his hand ran over your hair. His breathing sounded like a gentle song lulling you to sleep.

"Night, love." He said a while later even though you couldn't hear him. Your slowed breathing giving away you were asleep as his lips pressed to your cheek.

"Going to get your heartbroken." He heard his sister mumble out from the other side of the room. Her head still resting on the pillow she had on the living room floor.

"I know."

[skribbz]

i know im sending u tons of these but ELLIE

Oh boy here we go

First impression

I actually didn’t know anything about TLoU before I played it except for it being a zombie game. Since zombies have always been a super special interest for me, I had to play it. So actually playing it was like being smacked in the face with emotions. 

But I didn’t even know about the existence of Ellie, so my first time seeing her was when Joel meets her. I thought she seemed cool, but a little abrasive. She did make me laugh though. 

Impression now

Oh god where do I even start. 

I’m not even exaggerating when I say Ellie helped me become who I am today. I related to her in so many ways. Not just in the way she's so nerdy, but also in how she treats others. She was just a kid who was let down by the world around her, yet she still wants to do what she thinks is best for everyone. She's sentimental, holding onto keepsakes from the people she's lost. She can have a bad attitude sometimes, but is just a complete sweetheart. She goes through so much, and even when Joel gives her the option to just go back home, she decides to keep going. 

Ellie came into my life when I needed a role model. The way she had gone through so much, but didn't let it break her soul, the way she always found a way to "endure and survive", meant so much to me at the time, and even now. She also helped me accept the fact that I wasn't straight. Seeing a character who I already admired so much, kissing another girl made me just break down crying. 

When they said that Ellie was going to be the main character of the second game, I cried again. I think the second game just really expands on the reasons I loved her in the first one. She still tries to do what she thinks is best. It's not always the right thing, and sometimes it's very much the wrong thing. But she has so much guilt over Joel, yet still loves him so much she's willing to do whatever it takes to give him the justice she thinks she deserves, even if she knows it's not at all what he would want her to do. (There's so much more to her thoughts and actions in the sequel of course, but I feel like this is one of the most important ones.) It's just like the first game where she's willing to go to any ends to do what she thinks is right, no matter how much it may hurt her in the process. 

I think in the end she has realized that her life means more than just being the cure. Her life matters just because she’s alive, is loved, and loves others, and that message means a lot to me, and I’m sure to many others, too. 

I think Ellie is such a wonderful character, and one of the most well written characters I've ever seen in any media. She really changed my life, and because of that she is my favorite character ever. 

Favorite moment

HOW am I supposed to choose just one. 

Does the entire winter section count? It shows much she loves Joel, and how strong she has become by that point, and how determined she is to survive. She sees just how truly awful some people in the world can be, and despite it she still wants to do whatever she can for the cure.

It’s our first look into what would become a major theme of the second game. While David’s town is an enemy to Joel and Ellie, and we as players hate them, they were doing what they thought was best to survive. Cannibalism isn’t right by our standards, but that’s because we haven’t been pushed to that point. But would we be willing to turn to it if we were pushed that far? Is it more acceptable to kill innocent people to feed a whole community that’s depending on you, or is it more acceptable to just let all of those innocent lives that are depending on you die?

I think we can all agree on one thing though. David is a piece of shit and deserved to be chopped up into teeny pieces. 

Idea for a story

I have many ideas. But I'll go with where I think her story can go from here, AKA my TLoU3 idea. 

The story starts 12 or so years later. Putting JJ around 13. Dina, Ellie and Abby 32-33. Lev around 25. Tommy and Maria probably late 50s-early 60s

Ellie is back in Jackson. She works her ass off doing whatever manual labor she can because all she wants to do is just work herself into exhaustion. She's dealt with her trauma and she’s in a better place mentally now. Now her reasons for shutting everything out is that she’s too scared to try and really reconnect. She wants companionship but is afraid of the pain of losing it all again.

The exception is when she has JJ. He is still the light of her life. She takes him hunting and camping and plays video games with him and they geek out over comics. She has taught him to draw. She wants to teach him guitar like she promised, but hasn’t been able to yet. 

The only time she sets foot outside of Jackson is with JJ.

Dina is of course doing something that uses her skills. Maybe the lead electrician at the dam. They've kept JJ very innocent. Obviously he knows of the infected, and has seen his moms kill them before, but he doesn’t know just how bad it really is, he’s never seen another human die.

Her and Ellie are amicable. They are happy to be co parenting jj but there's nothing between them (for now). 

Maria holds a lot of guilt. Over sending Joel and Tommy out that day, over not giving Ellie and Dina help in Seattle, which got Jesse killed, over letting Tommy get as bad as he did after Seattle. She blames herself for the way Ellie is. She tries to spend time with Ellie, but Ellie is very elusive when she wants to be. She adores JJ though. That's her little great nephew. His auntie is the leader of the whole town and he uses that to his advantage every chance he gets. And she lets him.

Tommy has a little guilt. He doesn’t know Abby is alive, Ellie only ever told him she “finished things” and didn’t talk to him much after that. But he sees how she is a complete mess and lost her fingers. He knows that guitar was special for Ellie, plus any kind of disability is a huge disadvantage in their world. Dina doesn’t let JJ near him. JJ doesn't understand why and no one will tell him

Tommy and Maria never worked out their differences and have stayed separated, partly because of their guilt toward what happened with Ellie. They cared about her like she was their own and they both let her down

Jackson is now huge. They’ve made contact with other settlements, and have trade routes. But Maria is getting older and the town is getting too much for her to run on her own. Tommy is getting up there in age as well, and despite his injuries he still does patrols. But alone. He’s not actively trying to get killed, but he isn’t always as careful as he knows he should be. 

Story starts out and you're playing as Tommy on patrol. He gets ambushed by a small group of people. And lo and behold Abby (and Lev) is there. Tommy is shocked when he finds out who it is, and he asks if she came to finish the job she started. She says no they tracked him since he left the town and were waiting to get him alone because she has news for him. The fireflies have rebuilt stronger than ever and now they’re back out for the cure and are coming for Ellie, because she is the only known source, but also as a form of revenge for what Joel did all those years ago, destroying what the Fireflies once were. They were able to get there first because they only brought a few people and set out before the main squad. Tommy asks why he should believe her, and she says that Ellie saved her life years ago and it's the least she could do to pay her back. (just like. Assume that there was enough info stored with the fireflies that Abby could work out who Ellie is). To keep Tommy from attacking or following him, they knock him out and untie him then leave. 

Control switches back to Ellie who is doing her chores around town. You get to nail fences, chop wood, and carry hay bales. Fun. Later that night, as Ellie is getting home, standing on her porch, Tommy rolls up and confronts Ellie about Abby being alive. They get into a huge fight and Ellie tells Tommy that he fucked up her life. It's his fault she lost Dina. His fault she only gets to see jj when Dina allows it, his fault Jesse was killed. And its his fucking fault Joel died.

He storms off. But then Ellie notices J standing on the street coming to stay the night. She had forgotten this was her night with him. He’d been told his whole life that moms had a peaceful break up, and that dad and grandpa Joel died being heroes, but now he’s upset about what he's heard so he runs back home to Dina. 

That night Ellie is woken up by fighting in Jackson. She runs out to try and find what's going on. All she can get is that fireflies are attacking. She eventually finds out that some travelers shot Maria and a fight broke out. Ellie fights through the town to Maria. She's injured with a gunshot in the arm, but alive still and kicking some ass. She tells Ellie that fireflies came asking for her, and would leave peacefully in return. She told them no and they shot her. Maria says she’ll be okay and tells Ellie to go find JJ and get him to safety. 

She fights through to the other side of town. Because of the commotion, infected have broken in so there’s humans and infected running around killing. She gets to Jesse's house and JJ is hysterical, Dina is holding him down and he's like screaming and crying. His grandpa fought off a firefly who was trying to get in their home and was shot and killed. It hits Ellie that this is all her fault. People are dying because of her again. Anyway she tells dina and robin that they need to leave. Dina says she's not going anywhere without Ellie. Ellie wants to stay and fight, but JJ is more important right now. So the 4 of them sneak out and near the gates they meet up with Tommy. He’s helping get people out and sending them to one of the patrol lookouts that is secure and can fit everyone. 

Ellie sends Dina, Robin and JJ off. Ellie gives JJ Joel's revolver and tells him to keep mom and grandma safe for her. She goes back to Tommy and the two get back to Maria. When they are very close to her, an infected ambushes them and Tommy gets bit. They get to Maria who is losing blood fast and doesn't look well. After a lot of arguing from Ellie, the pair decide to stay. They tell Ellie they’re old now. Maria wont last long with her wounds, and tommy has no chance of surviving his. They apologize to Ellie for the way things turned out and how much she has meant to them all these years. They give her all their ammo except for one bullet in each of their guns, because that's all they need now. Ellie begs them to come along, and she’ll figure something out for them. But they eventually convince her to go. Ellie leaves crying, and Maria and Tommy maybe get a cute moment before cutting back to Ellie. 

Ellie makes it back to where the survivors are and is depressed that there's way less than she was expecting. JJ has cried himself to sleep and Dina notices Ellie is acting strange and pulls her away to ask her. Ellie tells her what happened and Dina holds her while she cries. It's the first time anyone has really been physically affectionate with her in a long time so Ellie clings to her as she lets it all out

The last survivors decide that Jackson isn’t safe. It's too damaged, filled with infected, and no one can figure out what the fireflies were doing. Ellie can't bring herself to say anything about it. 

The next morning, everyone wakes up and is discussing what to do. JJ is still inconsolable. Ellie decides to take him away from the group to get some fresh air. She tells him to hold on to Joel's revolver. They chat and JJ asks what happened to auntie Maria and Tommy. She decides to be honest with him. She expects him to cry, but is shocked to see him become angry instead. He basically swears revenge for them and for his grandfather. This of course stirs up a lot of very negative thoughts in Ellie, but she decides to let him grieve in his own way for now. 

That’s everything I have written out in detail for now. But the main idea would be Ellie becoming a leader to the few remaining survivors as they make contact with the other settlements that Jackson is allied with. She would take responsibility for all of these lives. They would be her reason for fighting now. 

Over the course of the game, Abby would come back and her and Ellie would be forced to team up. There’s no more animosity between the two though, they’re both over it and don’t want to go back down that road. Over the course of the story they would come to understand each other’s actions. They wouldn’t become friends, but they can at least rely on each other. 

JJ would find out that Abby is the person responsible for Joel and Jesse’s death, and she came from the group that killed his grandfather, Tommy and Maria. He’d go into a rage and try to attack her and Ellie would have to hold him back. He wants to know why Ellie is defending the person who hurt everyone they loved. Ellie would have to finally tell him the whole story, and try to keep him from giving into his anger and sadness like she did in the second game. She won’t let her son become like her. She wants him to stay her innocent baby boy, but she knows that’s just not possible in their world. 

Other stuff that I have yet to flesh out:

More about Dina’s backstory. Or at least her last name. 

Lev being a big brother to JJ.

Dina and Ellie falling in love all over again as Dina sees Ellie doing so much for the rest of the community. It’s gonna be emotional.

Ellie teaching JJ how to play guitar, and tearfully singing Future Days to him.

Unpopular opinion

I’m not sure of what people’s opinions on her are. I know most people love her and anyone who doesn’t isn’t entitled to an opinion. 

I guess one is I’m not a fan of her farm hairstyle. Her Seattle look was just so cute. Why did you do that to your head, girl. 

Favorite relationship

Dina of course.

I feel like Dina represented what Ellie could have if she wasn’t stuck in the past. Joel represented her violent past, and her traumas. Dina represented her future, her home, her family. Ellie was so stuck in the past, that she couldn’t see the future standing literally right in front of her. 

It’s a great representation of how she holds onto the people she loves, but also how PTSD works. The past keeps coming back to haunt her. 

Favorite headcanon

I hc her as autistic! I kinda feel bad because everyone else hcs her as having ADHD. But I’m autistic so I say she is too *sunglass emoji*. 

Why I think she’s autistic: 

Obviously her special interests would be space and dinosaurs, and the way she talks about them reminds me of how I get when people let me infodump about my SIs.

The way she plays with her fingers looks hella like stimming to me. In fact, that’s one of my stims!

Her interest in art and music.

Her interest in general nerdy stuff like comics and video games. 

She collects cards, and collecting is a big autistic trait.

The way she’s sort of untidy and cluttered, yet labels all of her boxes of shit. The ordered mess is such an autistic thing.

[magaprima]

PART 2 EPISODE 8 EPISODE ANALYSIS 3/?

God, I fucking hate this scene on so many levels, and you’re going to get my rant about why below. This is probably going to be more rant than analysis. Hardcore Sabrina and/or Nick stans probably should skip this one. 

Firstly, the way Sabrina storms in. Not only is this reckless because Sabrina has no idea whether, among other things, ‘Ms Wardwell’ has been hiding how powerful she is. She has no full grasp of any part of the situation, she can’t even be certain she’s right that her teacher was ‘whispering in her ear’ and it wasn’t just unfortunate coincidence, she also knows both from experience and from her family, that if the Dark Lord asks you to do something you don’t get to say no, and she doesn’t even wonder if maybe ‘Ms Wardwell’ had been asked to do this by the Dark Lord, and to give her the same benefit of the doubt she gave herself, Hilda and Ambrose. Nope, she just fucking storms in recklessly. The fact Lilith manages to keep it together and stay calm, and just give a sarcastic ‘come in’ is astounding. 

Now, let’s go into the list of things Sabrina blames Lilith for:

1. Jesse Putnam’s exorcism. Excuse you, Sabrina, but you needed no fucking whispering to get that one done. You were asking everyone about it, you were determined, you even declared if no one would help you from the Church of Night then you’d go to the Catholic Church, you denied Lilith’s help at every turn until she was forced to go directly to the Aunts. That is the one she least fucking whispered over. Sabrina has full culpability over that, because Sabrina was going to do it, no matter what. She stated that herself. So let’s not be shifting the blame now because it suits

2. Resurrecting Tommy Again, Sabrina needed no encouragement here. In fact, Lilith very clearly tells her NOT to do it-- yes, she knows perfectly well Sabrina will do it anyway, but the point is, she is told not to. ‘Ms Wardwell’ tells her it requires her to take a life, she begs her not to do it, Ambrose tells her not to do it, even the Weird Sisters have their qualms and so does Nick, but Sabrina is determined. She needs ‘right a wrong’ by killing Agatha to bring back Tommy, even though Zelda had told her that witches can’t meddle in mortal affairs. She actually ‘steals’ the book from her teacher’s office, she does this in defiance of everyone. So again, no shifting blame when you actively made that decision to do it, Sabrina. 

3. Going to Limbo Again, you made that decision on your own, Sabrina. In fact, she only goes to Lilith as a last resort when no one else would help her. But she’d already come to the conclusion herself. Zelda had told her not to, Hilda told her not to, Ambrose told her not to, they all told her how dangerous it was, how she couldn’t do it, how the right thing was to restore balance and return Tommy to the earth, but nope Sabrina decides she knows best and she’ll get someone to help her. Even if you argue that Lilith makes these situations happen, Sabrina is the one who decides to do it. She makes that choice. She could have chosen to listen to anyone else, but she always listened to Lilith because Lilith told her what she wanted to hear

4. Signing her name in the book of the beast This is the one thing she can accuse Lilith of because she worked her freaking butt off to make that happen. But at the same time,  everyone in your family has signed it, Sabrina, and this wasn’t actually part of the prophecy, that was just getting you on the right path. 

5. Conjuring hellfire Didn’t the Dark Lord tell her to do this one? With the visions he gave her? All Lilith does is tell her how. And again, Sabrina could have decided to find another way to defeat the Thirteen but she goes with the option that is offered because it’s what she wants to do. As Zelda said ‘you did it because you like power’

“I did all those things with you whispering in my ear”

Sabrina is just completely absolving herself of all culpability and responsibility just because it freaking suits her. As listing above, she has to take responsibility: Someone can tell you to shoot someone, but if you do it, that was your choice, just as it’s your choice not to. Sabrina did all these things, not because Lilith was whispering in her ear, but because she wanted to do them. We’ve established many times throughout the series that Sabrina doesn’t do anything if she doesn’t want to do it (The fact she agrees to take the the throne in Part 3 is not because Lucifer’s arguments make sense, because they just don’t, but because she wants the power and he gave the excuse to take it). 

I just hate this accusatory anger where she’s painting herself as the complete innocent with all blame on Lilith. Yes, Lilith is involved, yes Lilith has manipulated things and is working for the Dark Lord, but Sabrina did all those things of her own choice and will and she needs to fucking accept that. 

AND THEN, she doesn’t even let Lilith give her answers or explanations. Which is just stupid. Even if she lied, even if Sabrina concluded she was lying, you STILL HAVE TO HEAR HER OUT TO SEE IF THINGS MAKE SENSE. And Lilith does try to answer her, but Sabrina doesn’t give her a chance because she’s too empowered by her own sense of self-entitlement and self-righteousness. 

“Who’s bidding are you doing? My Father’s? The Dark Lord’s? Your own?” “Don’t be ridic-”

Lilith is cut off here, which is a stupid point to cut her off at. She looks so indignant at the thought of anyone thinking this ‘hail Sabrina’ shit was her idea. She stays silent until Sabrina suggests she’s doing it all at her own behest, so the fact that’s where she protests means she is following someone’s instructions, and if Sabrina had any sense in this moment, she would want to hear her out. 

But no, this is where Lilith gets bound. And considering Nick is also doing the Dark Lord’s bidding and he cuts Lilith off before she could answer is very interesting timing and does make you wonder. 

“is that?” “The rib you were using to control the scarecrow who tried to kill me? Why, yes, it is”

The one accusation that is solid in this whole conversation; yes, Lilith did send a monster to try and kill Sabrina. And that is why I would understand Sabrina and Nick using the rib to bind Lilith’s powers so she couldn’t use them against them, or binding her so she couldn’t harm them. However, I do not understand or accept binding a woman so she cannot move or do anything unless a man lets her. Nick takes away her entire autonomy, what he does to Lilith is no different to what Blackwood did to Zelda, it’s just of a different variety. And the fact Sabrina, Little-Miss-I-Know-What’s-Right, thinks this is okay is shocking and abhorrent. 

No woman, no matter who she is, should have her autonomy taken away by a man, her entire body controlled and under the control of a man, with no freedom to escape or defend herself. Like, no one should think that’s okay. And the fact the writers/director have Nick use the exact same body language with Lilith in the later scene as they have Lucifer use on Lilith in the finale shows that even they are showing the parallels and therefore that it’s not meant to be considered a good thing. We’re meant to feel uncomfortable...and yet I know there are people out there who support it. Which gives me the fucking wig to say the least.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

Lilith looks so tired here, like I don’t care I don’t know, all I was planning was to get rid of you so I could punish the Dark Lord and I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this shit anymore. I think it’s entirely possible Lilith is fed up of the accusations being thrown at her, but considering how she is often viewed by a lot of the world and the stories written about her, she’s probably very used to being accused of shit and having blame thrown on her. Doesn’t mean she’s not fucking tired of it though. 

“So you could control it and kill me”

No, no Sabrina you’re only half-right. Lilith had no interest in controlling the mandrake, just in killing you. And if you’d stop jumping the gun and interrupting her and asking questions without letting her fucking answer, maybe you’d find that out. 

“I don’t know if it even exists. I haven’t seen it, I swear”

I love Lilith’s honesty here, because it’s such a frank and tired honesty. She has no fucking need to lie because she’s lost Sabrina’s trust and she really doesn’t care about the Dark Lord’s plan for her, but she looks so increasingly annoyed, because it doesn’t matter what Lilith fucking says, Sabrina has decided not to believe her, instead of calming down, looking at the evidence, and considering everything to come to the right conclusion. I mean if she hadn’t dimissed Lilith entirely here, maybe she wouldn’t have gone killing her mandrake self and brought about the bloody prophecy, just saying. 

“Keep her bound until I come back”

Oh lovely Sabrina. Just leave a woman at the entire mercy of a man. Nick could do whatever the fuck he liked while you were gone and Lilith wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, and anyone can see how much Nick is already really enjoying doing this binding spell. I’m sorry, it’s just...why would someone who believes in being ‘right’ and ‘not evil’ and is all about women’s rights and defending those who get hurt, be happy to have a woman in this situation. Especially when she hasn’t even let her explain the whole story. But then, we see how much Sabrina doesn’t note what Zelda goes through with Blackwood and in the tie-in novels she actually throws Zelda’s suffering in her face, so there we go. 

Lilith, up until this moment, has looked mostly tense, aggravated, annoyed, but the moment Sabrina says she’s leaving and Nick is to stay here and ‘keep her bound’, we see actual fear flash in Lilith eye’s and then she asks, worriedly, ‘where are you going?’

 I have gone in depth on this moment before with images and GIFs for references, so this will only be brief, but Lilith is genuinely afraid to be left alone with her autonomy entirely taken into the hands of a man. And that’s not surprising considering her experiences with the False God, with First Adam, with the Dark Lord...Lilith has been abused by men before, been powerless before, and the idea of being left bound, trapped and powerless at the hands of a man here, is making her afraid. And we could even consider that as Eve had the rib inside her from Adam so Adam probably had the same power over Eve that Nick now has over Lilith....that makes things even worse, because Lilith no doubt saw what Eve suffered. Like this is triggering so much fear and past experiences in Lilith and Sabrina, not only isn’t noticing this, she’s totally happy to leave her. 

“I’m going to find and kill my double. And then I’ll be back to kill you”

Oh ffs, fuck off. This moment drives me so mad. Because, for one, as far as she knows ‘Ms Wardwell’ is just a witch which means she’s a person/human of sorts, and therefore killing her is murder. Outright fucking murder. The thing her family are always telling her to be careful about, because once you do it you can’t take it back. And even if we reason murder has been normalised when it’s for the ‘right reasons’, Sabrina has always acted as if she’s better than that. Like no, that’s wrong. ‘All life is precious’ she told Prudence, adding that even the life of someone who tried to kill her is precious and worth saving and what not. Yet, here, oh no, totally okay to kill someone. The life of Sabrina’s teacher is apparently not precious at all now it suits her to think otherwise. Such hypocrisy and double-standards drives me mad, especially when it’s delivered with such fucking arrogance. Admittedly, Kiernan does it brilliantly. 

“Sabrina, wait-”

Lilith tries to get her not to leave, and by the way she says it, it looks like she was trying to tell her something, quite possibly that killing the mandrake will fulfils the prophecy (after all, Lilith no more wanted it to happen than Sabrina did. She just resigns herself to it after Sabrina leaves...until she finds out she won’t be Queen haha), but nope she’s cut off again by Nick. What is the point of confronting someone if you don’t hear what they have to say??

And then how much Nick looks like he’s fucking loving it, enjoying every moment, when he binds the rib even tighter and we see him cause Lilith physically pain. She is currently powerless to whatever whims or desires he have, and he just decides to torture essentially. And looks like he is really loving it. It’s such a fucking parallel to the Dark Lord, and is obviously a foreshadowing for the fact he become’s the Dark Lord’s acheron/vessel. 

[goldeneyedgirl]

2020 Fic Meme

It happens every year like clockwork. The Fic Round-Up Meme. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to it this year because I’ve written so much. As usual, compiled from ancient Livejournal fic memes. I like doing it as kind of a time capsule of my writing. If anyone else wants to take a crack, feel free. I love reading writers’ throughs on their own work. <3 No tagging because that is PRESSURE. 

Twilight

12 Days of Fic-Mas (Twilight, WIP) Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 + Christmas Eve Twelve days of fic extracts, previews, and drabbles focusing on Alice Cullen and Jess/Jasper Hale: Anathema, the KidFic, Married in Vegas, Daemons, Memento Vivere, Human Alice Kills James, Jess and Alice do Prom, Forgotten, Vampires in Vegas, Shadow to Light Missing Scene, Hybrid, Cowboys and Angel Solstice, and All These Broken Things

Afterglow (Alice/Jasper, AU, Romance, G)  There were three things of which she was certain. The first was that her name was Alice. The second was that she was born an angel. And three, she was getting ready to die.

Against a Wall (Alice/Jasper, Human/Vampire AU, Romance, Angst, PG) If you asked anyone with the surname ‘Whitlock’, they’d tell you that the family was cursed. It was the Whitlock Curse to blame the day the bank took the ranch away from Jasper’s own father.      

And Found (Alice/Jasper, Soulmark AU, Romance, PG) The soul mark appears when Alice is six. It is a twisted ribbon of a mark, from the inside of her left elbow, up her arm, over her shoulder, along her clavicle, over her right shoulder and down to her right wrist. What ugly, soulless individual could inspire such a mark?

Jar of Hearts Pt 1 Pt 2 (WIP) (Alice, Emmett, Seth, MCU xover, Angst, PG) The snap came for everyone - “He said he’d never leave me,” she says in a wobbly voice. “He promised me.”“It wasn’t by choice,” Emmett rushes to tell her. “You were his last thought; he tried so hard to get home before he…”

Never a Question (Alice/Jasper, AU, Angst, G)  Carlisle is quite sure that he’s watching his son’s heart break into a million pieces as he stares at his human mate, slowly dying alone, not a single person allowed to hold her hand.

Hand in Hand (Alice/Jasper, AU, Fluff, G)  “Never,” he swears, pressing a kiss to her cheek that makes her beam -  “There’s not a single moment I can think of that cannot be improved by your presence, darlin’.”

Love & Duty (Alice/Jasper, AU, Romance, G)  A trainee witch is sent to treat a wounded cowboy from her brother coven. 

Shadow to Light (WIP) (Alice/Jasper, AU Angst, PG) In 1918, Jasper lures the newborn known as Mary-Alice back to Monterrey. He is lost to her before it even begins. (Ch 6-8)

The Way of Things (Alice/Jasper, AU, Drama, M)  She truly doesn’t know what comes next. He truly doesn’t know if it will be good or bad. They will live this life for as long as it lasts, long may it last, surrounded by the people they love and trust. 

What You Say (Alice/Jessamine, Canon, Angst, M)  Edward might have thought Aro was their reckoning, but Alice knows for her, it is Jessamine’s hurt.

Total number of completed stories: ELEVEN. 

Total word count: 90,155 words were formally posted - not including snippets, previews (aside from FicMas) or anything that was shared on the Discord server. 

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I fucking nailed it. Like, seriously. THREE chapters of Shadow to Light? Every single day of JaliceWeek AND FicMas? I mean, I think the lockdown definitely helped with free time, and not going to lie, the iOS shutdown of Fortnite probably assisted my productivity. 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? The Discord has so much to answer for. I wrote porn. Like, what. What. What. What. I find this bizarre and did not have ‘let’s just go full NC17 in 2020′ on my bingo card, but it happened. In fact, 2019 Lexie has just gone full spit-take and yelled, “WHAT?!” at the top of her lungs. 

And to make it more surprising, it’s both het and f/f porn. Like, mind-blown. Who am I anymore?

What’s your own favourite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? The Way of Things, What You Say, And Found, & Afterglow. All fics that came together really well, that felt like *me*, and had hopeful endings. I’m really proud of them. 

STL doesn’t get an opportunity to be apart of this til it’s finished. 

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? The porn. 

Apparently, I can write it. Who knew? 

I definitely threw caution to the wind with JaliceWeek and just went for whatever crossed my mind and stopped worrying so much. Like, whatever, this is what I want to write so I will. I mean, the MCU crossover is happening in a slightly more obscure way than I initially envisaged it, it’s definitely a better fic for it.

I joined the Discord, and that’s been amazing. I’ve spent my last few fandoms existing in kind of a vacuum because of bad experiences and the fact I’m usually doing something niche, so having people to talk to who are so nice and welcoming and are happy to ignore my special brand of obnoxiousness is so lovely and has had such a good affect on my mental health. Sometimes you need people you can be your dorkiest self with. 

My instincts are pretty good as far as fic goes, people are awesome, and I can write sex scenes. It’s been a learning curve, let me tell you that. 

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?  I have to balance grad school, my business, and my writing, so that’s going to be interesting. I think I need to look at my fic more as downtime than a high-stress ‘job’ because I LOVE writing it. I love writing. I love reading. But I get in my own head and overthink. So my goals are BALANCE and RELAX. 

My best story of this year: Oh man, that’s not something I can judge. I am so incredibly proud of how Afterglow, And Found, and The Way of Things turned out. Especially considering I was so behind with JaliceWeek, and I think I was putting out a fic a day, and freaking out because I was lacking ideas, so when these three just came together exactly how I wanted them, it was a good moment. 

My most popular story: Shadow to Light. Look, if that’s my legacy to fandom, I’ve done pretty damn well. I’m really, really appreciative of how enthusiastic people are about this ‘verse. I don’t always understand it, because I can see how my writing has changed and how the story has evolved massively (first it was supposed to be a one-shot, then five chapters.) I hope that it ends up being satisfying for everyone because I have LOVED writing it, even if I am slower than molasses. 

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Everyone is always so damn enthusiastic about my writing. I think maybe Hybrid is kind of a big question mark for everyone at the moment because there are so many questions and no answers yet. 

And any of the Jessamine/Alice. That’s a new niche, I get not everyone is into it. But it’s happening and will continue into 2020.

Most fun story to write:  What You Say or Jess and Alice at Prom. Jess is a little snarkier than Jasper, less controlled, and the girls are super fun to write, even high-tension scenes. 

Most Sexy Story: Oh, I can answer this now! Um, maybe The Way of Things or Jess and Alice at Prom? Yup, those are my picks. 

Story with the single sexiest moment:  The Way of Things. This happened before the Discord Intervention, and I’m genuinely not sure if I’m happy with the end of the Prom fic, so it might be reworked slightly in the future. But The Way of Things I was really happy with because it covered so many ideas I had in a way that fit together well. 

That’s where she makes good on her unspoken promises from aeons again, of their private victory celebration. She sits astride him, her hips rolling hard against his, drawing out his groans and growls as he grips her thighs almost tight enough to crack. Their gazes are locked the entire time, her tongue skimming over her lips, as she lets her emotions tell him everything that she wants and everything she plans to take.

He remembers fucking her in the dirt in Dacia; his mouth between her legs as she hollered obscenities in a Paris attic; and the urgent, passionate loving-making of a marriage finally consummated.

She remembers bloody emeralds looped around her throat and resting between her breasts as she gets down on her knees and takes him into her mouth, his fingers tangled in her hair; the delicious weight of him on top of her, their sweat mingling and cooling in the frozen night as their flimsy bed creaked against the wall; and his soft encouragement in her ear as he grasps her around the waist, their hands resting together on the gentle swell of her stomach. 

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: I think I restrained myself from anything too dark or twisted this year, actually. Oh, wait, Vampires in Vegas. That one has some pretty dark implications about Alice’s life, about the vampire underworld, and Jasper’s behaviour, especially as it goes one. No fic that deals with someone being put into sex work without educated consent is going to avoid being dark, and I think it’s logical that vampires would have their hands in a lot of illegal yet profitable areas. 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Anything with Jessamine/Alice because, like, Jess isn’t a name-swap of Jasper, and the relationship dynamic shifts with the slight personality shifts. And then you have to consider the family and social dynamic of two women in the relationship, so working all that out was fun. 

Jar of Hearts is another one, because I had to work out who the fic was going to follow and what was lost. And Emmett and Alice pretty much don’t interact in canon, but they were chosen for a reason. I’ve stripped them down to their worst, most isolated selves without their ‘true north’ (Rose and Jasper) or their moral center (Carlisle and Esme), or even their secret weapon (Edward). Seth, too, has been isolated from his family and friends, and is especially ‘other’ in this situation. This is an MCU crossover, so we’re kind of following a heroes’ journey with the last of Forks’ supernatural creatures.

Hardest story to write: Shadow to Light because of the way I have to use language, because of the plot strands from canon when I hate writing canon material, and how the characters have changed and how this new version reflects the old version. 

Against a Wall, as well, because of the in-verse time crunch I had - I needed Jasper damaged, military-minded, and changed by age 19. And I needed the boy broken. I’m happy with it, the story is done and dusted, but it didn’t quite turn out how I planned. And that’s okay, because I like this version. But I think I tackled something a lot bigger than I anticipated with it. 

Most disappointing:  Look, I love the verse and the set-up, but I think Love & Duty could do with another 2k words for build-up. I just ran out of time, honestly, to build up that mutual attraction between Alice and Jasper. 

Easiest story to write: Anathema, because Alice’s voice was so clear in it. Anathema!Alice knows exactly who she is, and that’s always fun. And the Shadow to Light Missing Scene; it wasn’t as long as I hoped, but it turned out exactly as I imagined it happening. 

Biggest surprise:  Everyone really, really liked Forgotten. And Vampires in Vegas, which I honestly thought were the weakest offerings during FicMas. 

Most unintentionally telling story:  The Way of Things. There’s so little dialogue, and it’s covering such a massive amount of time and story that it’s intentionally written to tell. 

Story I’d like to revise: Love & Duty, and Married in Vegas. A little polish, a little shine, it’s fine. For Love & Duty, it’s definitely the time crunch I need to go back and fix; for Married in Vegas, it’s just reflective of how long ago I started it. I’m a better writer, I know the characters more, and I’m less prone to overly dramatic plot twists. 

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear: Look, let me lay the groundwork now so that no one who isn’t on the Discord isn’t startled. 

There’s going to be a Jess/Jasper/Alice threesome fic, and I regret nothing. 

I really, really want to get All These Broken Things redone and posted because it’s getting silly how long it’s just been sitting there. 

I want to actually write Monster, which is a fic I don’t talk about much but I want to write. It’s a question about who the monster of the story is, and I’m not sure I’m as skilled as I should be, to write it, but I want to try. 

And one of my numerous attempts at a Haunted House Cryptid fic. It has to happen, I have so many ideas!

[the-evil-authoress]

GX Month Day 5: “Pass The Salt”

No story is perfect. So what is something you wish you could have seen in the story of GX?

Season 4. Season 4 and I have issues. So here is a condensed version of the things that should have happened between the trauma of Dark World and the bullshit of the Darkness plot.

I have a vast headcanon for this series and these prompts are only the tip of the iceberg.

Jaden avoids them after he finally returns from the shitshow of Dark World. They try to reach out, but he straight up disappears to parts unknown. Somehow, Jesse can always find him but even he stops looking after a while. It’s not that they aren’t worried, they are, but they have school and their own trauma to deal with and it’s hard to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

Jaden falls through the cracks.

Jesse definitely tells North Academy to ‘faen ta deg’ - whatever that means - when the other schools start a ruckus and demand the exchange students be returned to their own campuses. Axel and Jim follow suit and eventually the other schools back off.

Of course Chancellor Shepard tries to put them all in therapy, but how are any of them supposed to even begin explaining what they went through? And who would actually believe them?

It’s Jim’s idea to start the group talks, to give themselves a safe space to just talk about shit and deal with the fallout. They only have one rule: everyone has to share something. It can be big or small, or completely unrelated to Dark World, but they all have to share one thing that’s been bothering them. Even if they end up screaming at each other or crying, that’s okay because the whole point is to express themselves. Even on days where bottled emotions explode, they still come away feeling better or just relieved by the release of a burden.

Jaden continues to avoid them. When the tension between him and Christina finally snaps, Jesse intervenes and Jaden starts crashing in his room. Which is fine, despite ill concealed jealousy; with his newfound ability, Jesse’s gained an appreciation for the absurdly large room - Amber Mammoth can fit comfortably.

Jaden still refuses to talk about Yubel, but it’s not like Jesse can fault the guy when he still hasn’t said anything about the scars on his back.

Slowly, Jaden starts to open up again.

*

It’s a surprise when Jim shows up to the group talk with Jaden in tow. Honestly, it was bound to happen eventually; Christina just figured it would have been her or Jesse or maybe Syrus doing the dragging. Jaden, for his part, sits with his knees folded against his chest, looking very much like he just wants to leave, but he’s sandwiched between Jim and Axel who aren’t letting him go anywhere.

Good, Christina thinks, trying to curb the lingering bitterness from when Jaden tried to ditch the Academy a couple weeks ago.

Today’s pretty low key, mostly grievances about classwork and graduation. Most of them have aired their dirty laundry from Dark World by now. So when silence falls around the group, more than one pair of eyes linger on Jaden, still hugging his knees, and hasn’t said a word yet.

“I’ve been meaning to apologize.” Alexis breaks the silence, staring somberly at the floor. “Back in that other dimension, I said some horrible things.”

Jaden jerks but no one else is actually looking at him now, too distracted by their confusion. Christina almost missed it, but years of hanging out with the same single person can attune you to even the smallest shift in their demeanor.

“At the time, I was so hurt and confused, but that’s not how I always feel. That resentment was only fleeting.” Alexis looks up, and Jaden stiffens under her gaze. Wait just a damn second- “I’m sorry, Jaden. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“You still believed it...” Christina murmurs in the blissful few seconds of silence before half their circle erupts at what should have been the most obvious epiphany of all time.

“Sarge!” Hassleberry's hands hit the floor with enough force to shake it as he rocks forward in a frantic fervor. “I didn’t mean it either! I don’t hate you! I swear!”

“Yeah, no! It’s like Lexi said, our emotions were all jumbled!” Atticus jumps in, probably half a step away from trying to hug all the bad feelings out of Jaden. “That’s not how we really feel! Come, Chazz, tell him.”

“What? Why do I have to--”

“CHAZZ.”

Chazz flinches under the ire of the other guilty four, curling in on himself with a scowl, and mutters, “Yeah, okay, I’m sorry too. Wasn’t your fault.”

Jaden’s shoulders shake, his face in his knees. Gently, Jim places a hand against his back.

“Jaden...?”

He slowly peeks up from his knee at the soft call of his name, and just that action alone must have been one hell of a feat for him. Prior to recent events, Christina hasn’t seen Jaden cry in years. Now, his tears are on display for everyone.

“Oh, Jaden.” Alexis is the first to bridge the gap while the others reel over the revelation. “I’m so sorry.”

He shudders with a quiet sob but doesn’t resist as she gently wraps him in her arms. Syrus and Hassleberry immediately scramble to latch onto either side of their ‘big bro’, and Atticus drags a reluctant Chazz into the group hug.

“There, there, slacker, let it out.” Chazz winces and awkwardly pats when Jaden finally lets out a particularly loud wail.

“We all love you, Sarge. Ya gotta remember that.”

“You don’t have to be our leader, or smile all the time. Just be you.”

It’s heartbreaking, watching as all of Jaden’s walls crumble and the fragile boy beneath shatter; but all of them are here to help him pick up the pieces.

“So what happened?” Jesse whispers, eyes shining with confusion even as they move forward to join their friends.

“I’m an idiot.” Christina swipes the tears out of her own eyes, mad at herself for not realizing sooner. Jesse even said Jaden seemed like he was afraid of something. All the times he demanded to know what happened after his disappearance and Christina still managed to gloss over a crucial detail that kickstarted this spiral.

“Well, it all worked out in the end,” Jesse murmurs.

“Thanks to you.”

“H-hold on. I’m the reason this mess started in the first place.”

Shaking her head, Christina leans into him as much as her other friends. She’s had enough of the blame game. She knows without a doubt that Jesse played a pivotal role in all of this and will continue to do so for better or worse.

The connections between them are tangled as fuck after all.

"Faen ta deg" - literally "devil take you", basically the same as "go to hell" with the vulgarity of a "fuck you". Day 4 of little to no sleep, Jaden was still missing, and Jesse was straight up DONE with the bullshit. Foster/Ichinose laughed his ass off.

[storiesforallfandoms]

hideaway ~ jesse pinkman; el camino

word count: 2822

request?: no

description: when his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, jesse find shelter with a woman who doesn’t judge him for his past

pairing: jesse pinkman x female!reader

warnings: swearing, mention of abuse, smut

(I can’t find any El Camino gifs yet and it makes me sad so here’s one from Breaking Bad since it technically is also kinda from El Camino)

Jesse thought he was home free as he drove as far away from Albuquerque, and from the horrors he had to endure. However, he was sadly mistaken when Badger’s Fiero started to sputter and slow down. He noticed the gas gauge hovering over empty.

“No, no, no, no,” he said. When the car finally came to a stop, he hit the steering wheel in frustration. “Shit!”

He got out of the car and looked around. There wasn’t even another house for what seemed like miles. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He wasn’t about to try and hitchhike anywhere, not with his face and name plastered everywhere as “Wanted”.

He decided to hope that Badger may have a gas can in his trunk just in case of moments like this. As he popped the trunk and went looking (to no avail), he heard a car pulling up behind him. His heart began to race and he really hoped the person would just drive along and not stop to ask for help.

He cringed when he heard the engine cut and a car door open then close.

“Hey! You alright?”

Jesse reluctantly closed the trunk and turned around to see that the friendly passerby was a woman. She was approaching him, and he really didn’t want her to get any closer.

“I ran out of gas,” he responded, trying not to meet her eye. “Didn’t realize my tank was so low.”

“Well, you’re pretty shit out of luck. There’s not another gas station for god knows how long. You’re essentially in no man’s land,” the girl responded. “You got a gas can or anything?”

Jesse shook his head. “Nope.”

She whistled. “Yeah, you’re really shit out of luck. Where are you headed?”

“Haven’t decided yet. Just trying to get out of town, get away from my past.”

The girl nodded. “Well listen, I know we just met and all, but I live maybe 20 minutes away. If you want, you can stay to my place the night and we can see what to do about your gas in the morning. You can leave your car here, nothing will happen to it. You’d be shocked how many people have been in your same predicament before.”

Jesse really wanted to turn down the offer. For all he knew, this girl was setting him up to be caught. But then again, he believed her when she said there wasn’t another gas station anywhere close, and he couldn’t just stay in the car hoping someone would pass by with a gas can. It’d be a bigger risk than going with this girl.

Finally, he nodded. The girl smiled slightly and nodded towards her car. Jesse followed her, getting into the passenger seat. He sank down just enough that he wouldn’t seem all that recognizable if a cop should pass by them while they drove to the girl’s place.

“You’re pretty trusting,” Jesse commented. “Asking a guy you just met if he wants to stay the night. I could be a crazy serial killer or something.”

The girl chuckled. “I guess that’s right. So, in case you are a serial killer, I should let you know that I have a knife hidden in a strategic place just in case.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow. Smart girl. Although, he couldn’t help but wonder where this “strategic place” was.

She pulled into the driveway of a very small house. She didn’t have any nearby neighbours, which was definitely a good thing for Jesse. He was still very weary of this girl. He couldn’t tell what her game was. She had to know who he was, everyone did. His name was being broadcasted far and wide, police were looking for him everywhere. He was having trouble believing she didn’t know who he was.

She got out of her car and went to unlock her door. He followed her, making sure to keep his head down just in case anyone happened to be passing by.

Her house was very small, definitely perfect for someone who seemed to be living there alone. She threw her keys on a nearby table and shrugged off her jacket, discarding it on the couch as well.

“My couch is a pullout, you can sleep there if you want,” she said. “I’ll just have to grab some blankets and a pillow for you. Feel free to eat whatever is in the kitchen.”

She disappeared down the hall for a moment before returning with some blankets and a pillow. She started pulling the couch out into a bed for Jesse while he watched her. When she had the bed set up, she looked back up at him.

“What?” she asked.

“Do you know who I am?” he finally decided to ask her.

She raised a confused eyebrow at him. “You’re the poor fool that broke down on the side of the road. Should I know you?”

Jesse could tell she was being serious. Somehow, she actually didn’t know who he was.

“No, no sorry forget I said that,” he said. “Thanks for letting me stay here the night.”

“It’s no trouble,” she shrugged. “If you need me, my room is down the hall to the left.” She turned to start walking away, but paused to call over her shoulder, “The name’s (Y/N) by the way.”

~~~~~~~

The minute Jesse’s head hit the pillow he was out like a light. He slept so solid for the first time since he showed up on Skinny Pete’s doorstep, he didn’t even hear (Y/N) get up and start cooking breakfast the next morning. He finally woke up on his own to hear a TV on in the distance. He didn’t pay much attention to it until he heard his own name.

“Authorities are still looking for Jesse Pinkman, who may now be driving a Ford Thunderbird that was once owned a friend of Pinkman’s. According to our insider, Pinkman made a stop to this friend’s house once he escaped and left soon after before the police managed to track down his original get away car, an El Camino.”

Jesse got up and followed the sound of the TV to the kitchen, where he found (Y/N) leaning against a counter watching a small TV she had tucked away in a corner. The first thing he noticed was that she was dressed only in a silk looking robe. However, he was more distracted by the news report she was watching than what she was wearing.

(Y/N) looked over her shoulder, as if sensing his presence. Jesse wasn’t sure what his next course of action should be. He definitely wouldn't get far on foot, but if he left with (Y/N)’s car he’d be caught just as fast. It felt like he had no real options, just to hope he could convince her not to call the cops.

Neither one of them spoke for a while, but when (Y/N) did break the silence, Jesse was shocked by the first thing she said. “Did they really keep you in a cage?”

Jesse winced at the memory. “Yeah...yeah they did. They’d take me out but only if I was chained up, or if I was aware that if I ran they’d kill me.”

“For...for how long?” she asked him.

“Too long,” he responded. “So...is this the point where you turn me in?”

(Y/N) switched off the TV. Jesse glanced at the phone, which right next to (Y/N). He was waiting for her to make the call. He knew there was not much else he could do if she decided to.

“No,” she responded, surprising him. “You’re safe to stay with me as long as you need. My family lives a few hours away and they don’t visit without letting me know first, I’m not exactly friendly with my neighbours so they don’t just pop over for a visit. I can run to the gas station and see about your gas.”

“Why?” Jesse asked. “You could get in a lot of trouble for helping me.”

(Y/N) shook her head. “I’m not turning you in when you’re the victim in this situation. The cops won’t listen to a thing you say, they'll never believe you. They’ll place the blame on you with whatever substantial evidence they can come up with and throw you behind bars just because they can. I refuse to let that happen.”

She looked away from him and crossed her arms. Jesse was shocked by her outburst, and knew it came from somewhere personal. He approached her slowly, lightly touching her arm. She reluctantly looked up at him again.

“Did something happen to you?” he asked. He wasn’t quite sure why he cared so much, but he suddenly felt protective over this girl. She was kind enough to open her home to him, to keep a fugitive in her home when she knew how much trouble she could get into if they were caught. She had known him for one night and already made him feel safer than anyone he had known for longer, his own parents included.

A single tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. “I had this ex...he used to go out and get drunk with his buddies and when he came home he’d be violent. Usually if I was asleep he’d just go right to bed, but if I was awake for any reason he’d find a reason to hit me - would say that I looked at another guy in a flirty way and he didn’t like it, that I treated him like garbage, that I talked back to him. Any reason, he’d use it. He’d wake up in the mornings and look at my bruises and tell me that he hoped it taught me a lesson. It got to a point where I was walking on eggshells around him, I felt like I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t go anywhere, like I had to bend to his every whim in order to make it all stop.”

She looked down at the floor, the pain from the memory written across her face. “One night, I was in the kitchen making lunch for the both of us for the next day. He got home a lot earlier than I expected. He yelled at me because he didn’t like what I was making and tried to swing at me. I had a knife in my hand and finally decided to fight back. I stabbed him, yelled at him to get the fuck out and never return, that I’d have his stuff on the front doorstep in the next morning. For a minute, I thought it worked...until his lawyer showed up on my doorstep with an assault and attempted murder charge. Claimed that I randomly went insane and tried to kill him after he went out to a ‘friendly dinner with some work pals’.”

Jesse was so invested in his story, he started feeling very angry at this unknown ex-boyfriend. He wasn’t a violent person, despite the shit he had gone through recently, but he knew that if he ever happened to find out who this guy was he might not be able to stop himself from giving him an impromptu visit.

“He took me to court, cried crocodile tears, showed off the scar I gave him, claimed that I supposedly ruined his life because of it even though it happened like a week prior. I kept my composure, explained everything he did to me to the court, said that I only stabbed him in self defence. I even had some bruises from a previous time that I showed everyone. His lawyer claimed I gave them to myself to win over the jury’s sympathy. The jury, which was 80% men, were on his side and it looked as though I was going to jail, until our neighbour...our male neighbour, took the stand to admit he had heard the abuse many nights. Said that he called the police but nothing was ever done. I don’t know if they ever showed up at our door and my ex chased them away, or if they just didn’t care. After that, I was ruled innocent and he was charged with domestic abuse. Was served a measly year long sentence and got probation not even 6 months in. I filed a restraining order when I heard he was getting out and got the hell out of Dodge so I’d never have to see him again.”

Her story lingered in the air. It was silent besides the TV, now playing a story that wasn’t about Jesse. (Y/N) refused to look at Jesse as she bit back her tears. She shook her head, although wasn’t sure what she was shaking it about; in anger? To erase those memories that she was still struggling with?

“The system is so corrupt,” she finished. “If you’re not a rich man, they’ll rule against you. I’d never send you out to be a part of that, to be wrongfully convicted of something you never did. I wouldn’t let you go through the bullshit I did.”

Jesse gently touched her chin with his hand, causing her to look up at him. Her beautiful eyes were full of tears as she looked up at him. He wiped them away and cradled her face in his hands.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” he said. “I’m glad you got out of that situation, and I’m grateful that you’re letting me stay here even if it would get you in lots of trouble.”

She smiled. “It’s the least I can do. Besides, if I get to wake up to see stuff like this every day, I’m not too mad about it.”

She eyed Jesse’s naked torso. Although he wasn’t in the best of shape, and he had scars on his body from the torture he endured, he looked incredibly hot. (Y/N) was having a bit of trouble keeping her eyes off him.

Jesse chuckled slightly. (Y/N) looked up at him again and, feeling bold, leaned up to press her lips to his. Jesse was taken back at first, his knee jerk reaction being to push her away. (Y/N)’s face turned a bright color of red as she looked away from him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. That was super inappropriate.”

Jesse took her face in his hands again and pulled her back to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply and passionately. He held her tightly to him, never wanting to let go. He grabbed her ass, picking her up and placing her on the counter, never once breaking their kiss. She wrapped her legs around his waist, now trapping him against her completely.

Jesse moved his hands over her thighs, sending chills through her body. When he got close enough, he came to realize that she really was wearing nothing but the robe.

Her hands traced the hem of his jeans, as if debating on whether or not she should try to take the jeans off. Jesse beat her to it by unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them, along with his underwear, down just enough to free what it was (Y/N) was looking for.

She gasped against his lips as he pushed into her. It had been so long since she had been intimate with anyone, it took her a moment to get used to him inside of her.

“Am I hurting you,” he asked, looking at her with his beautiful blue eyes full of concern.

She giggled. “No, I’m fine Jesse. Continue at your own pace...please.”

He smirked slightly at her begging and began to thrust into her. Her hands curled against his back, just narrowly avoiding his scars. He hissed in pain at first as her nails dug into his back, the sting far too familiar, but soon enough the pain turned into pleasure.

Both of their moans filled the house. (Y/N) put her head against Jesse’s shoulder, her eyes almost rolling in the back of her head with pleasure as she clung to him. It didn’t take her long until she was hitting her climax. Jesse kissed her deeply again as he felt himself nearing his own.

They were both tangled together for a long time after it was all over. (Y/N)’s robe had come undone and fallen open, leaving her completely exposed. Both of them had a slight sheen of sweat over them. They both pulled away from one another, fixing themselves up.

(Y/N) sighed. “I’ll have to sanitize this entire counter before I can make breakfast.”

Jesse chuckled. “Sorry, my bad.”

“I mean, I wasn’t completely complaining,” she responded, winking flirtatiously back at Jesse.

He smiled, suddenly feeling very happy about his current living arrangements.

[caitlinluvsmanga]

Ok. Let me state first and foremost, I do not hate The Last of Us Part II. It is a beautiful game with great characters and a more open concept with beautiful imaginary. The relationships the characters have with one another is believable however there are things that bug me.

I do not hate the actors and characters who put this game together in fact I love them but the creators and writers did the game wrong. First, Joel. Joel is one of the most famous video game characters of the past ten years and you have him hated by Ellie in almost every flashback and you don’t give Joel any credit. He was killed in a horrible way. He was shot in the leg then beaten to death in the head with a gift club by Abby after saving her life. Do I think Abby is unjust in her revenge, no, but a character who had such a loved fan base and had such beautiful character development in the first game from a harsh, distant mean man to a loving, funny, and comforting father figure means nothing to this game until his death which happens so early in the game.

Abby. So I put a lot of thought into her character from an unbiased point of view (or I tried my best). I like Abby but it took me a long time and having to pause the game to think about it before I did. She’s a very interesting character. The makers put her in as a counter to Ellie and basically want everyone to be in the shoes of “wouldn’t you do the same thing if you were her?” One, probably. However, I had to try and forgive her. She’s military like and a straight up badass but she’s obsessed with revenge for the death of her father who was the surgeon who would have killed Ellie but got killed by Joel. When I was playing as Ellie hunting down Abby I loved it. After all that and the party who went with Abby is dead and Ellie, Jesse, Dina, and Tommy are about to head home she shows up shoots Jesse - killing him - and is visibly upset over the death of her friends. That I understand. But her character would be so much more likable from a different angle. I watched this bitch kill one of my all time favorite characters in a pathetic manner unsuiting of a man who once survived being inpaled after falling from an upper story and who just saved her life.

Ellie. I fucking love this lesbian. I have a dog named after her that’s how much I love her. But the makers of this game make it set up so the idea is to hate her. Ellie is 18 years old at the start of this game and beginning a relationship with Dina - who I also love. She’s also had apparently a horrible relationship with Joel since her survival. Which I think is out of character for her. Several things she does is out of character. She blames Joel for everything wrong - which she is free to do - but when he dies she’s haunted because she was mad and he was basically her father. The revenge I get. All of it I understand. One thing I don’t get is the fucking ending. Ellie is happy - PTSD aside - with her family and she stated in the first game that she was terrified of being alone. (Which is why I don’t get living alone and pushing Joel away but whatever) She leaves to go kill Abby. A decision she previously gave up. There was no fucking reason for her to leave her wife and kid to go kill Abby! It doesn’t match her character at all! And she doesn’t go through with it! Which is stupid! If they wanted this to be the story they should have made it a choice or made Abby a more visible threat than a haunting memory.

The whole moral of this game was basically don’t let hate consume you or you lose everything. Abby lost everyone getting revenge on Joel. Ellie lost everything trying to go after Abby. Blah blah blah. They could have made such a more interesting game. They could have made Abby’s thing with Joel an attempt because he didn’t deserve to go out like that. Not being hated by his surrogate daughter and killed while she watches and begs for them to stop. They could have made this game into a cross country revenge game with Joel in it trying to keep Ellie from making the same mistakes. Instead they shat on some of my favorite characters and are trying to force me to root for one I will always hate deep down for what she did. Fucking Abby would be so cool if she hadn’t murdered Joel. The first game built all this happiness and progress in the end and this one leaves you with a feeling that you accomplished nothing and had no choice but to do things you didn’t want to do. It could have been so beautiful. ��

Anyway that’s my rant on the Last of Us Part 2. It’s a good game I just leave it pissed off!

[cilldaracailin]

Now I’m Here

And that update only took three hours!

Anywhoo, Hello my Tumblr Lovelys. I am finally here with the next part to this story. Hold onto your hats!

This part is dedicated to my best Tumblr buddies @primaba11erina​ @fuseburner​ and @hitmeonmytspot​. That is all I need to say!

xxx

3

“When we love someone, we make it our business to protect them.”

It was just after eleven thirty when Robyn and Taron took to the stage together for their duet, both giggling as the music for Don’t Go Breaking My Heart came on. It was just a ridiculous and obvious choice and both enjoyed singing it even recreating the famous Kiki and Elton dance moves along the way. It went down a hit with his friends and once they took their seats, the talk turned to the topic of New Year’s kisses. Robyn had learnt that there were four couples among them, Calvin and Jess, herself and Taron who were the single ones.

“Well Robyn, I can be your new year’s kiss, if you want.” Suggested Deian. “Rachel won’t mind.”

“No but I will.” She replied. “And I have already asked Taron so sorry Deian. You are out of luck.”

“Dammit. Thought that might have worked.”

Robyn looked to him. “Was Rachel involved in his decision?”

“I only meant it as a kiss on the cheek.” He said as his cheeks reddened.

“Hmm yeah alright. Still I have it sorted but nice try.”

Robyn and Taron were back sitting on the soft chair at the wall of the pub and with everyone else distracted as they spoke about why you had to kiss on new year’s and their best and worst ones she turned her body to face Taron who was taking a drink from his bottle. His whole body just looked so relaxed and content and he hadn’t stopped smiling and laughing all night and she had found herself feeling the exact same way as him.

“So, I am your new year’s eves kiss then?” He asked her. “What about our boundaries?”

“New Year’s Eve kisses don’t count.” She answered him, enjoying the shy smile that filled his lips. “It’s the rule.”

“The New Year’s Eve kisses rule.”

“No Robyn’s rule.”

Her answer made him laugh out loud. “Well if it is Robyn’s rule, I guess I am under obligation to follow it.”

“Yes, you are. You look so happy Taron. I am adding this look of yours to my memories.” She moved a little closer to him so she was leaning a little into his side, slipping her right hand into his left.

“I am. You said earlier you needed this? Well I needed it too.”

Taking themselves out of the conversation for a few minutes, they quietly sat together, drinking from their bottles, just soaking up the atmosphere around them. There was an excited energy building as the clock ticked closer to midnight and as the call came for the last minute of the current year, everyone was on their feet. Robyn and Taron found themselves just standing up as they were and taking the space at the end of the table, while the others at the table spread out around the space in front of the make shift stage.

Robyn was secretly glad the group had separated from them. She didn’t mind the bit of teasing that herself and Taron were getting, she had expected it but she was grateful for the little bit of privacy the space gave them. It had played on her mind, the tradition of the New Year’s Eve kiss during the day as Taron slept on her lap and she as going to ask him but chickened out at the last minute so in a way she was thankful that Deian had made the decision for her and even more so that Taron was willing to be hers. They had kissed before so she didn’t really see much harm in it though the tingly feelings all over her body told her otherwise.

“You would have to wear heels.” Taron’s voice broke through her thoughts.

“Sorry?”

“Our first squishy hug of the new year is not even going to be a proper squishy hug. I can’t get a decent squish on it when you are the same height as me.”

Laughing Robyn heard the twenty second count down start. “Well look at it this way, it means you get a second squishy hug later when the heels are off.”

His full-face grin appeared, his dimples showing and his green sparkling eyes were stunning as he looked at her. “I am holding you to that.” His head turned as the ten second count-down started. “You sure?” He asked her.

“I wouldn’t want it with anyone else.”

With a nod of his head he started to join in the with the last five seconds. He felt her move closer to him and heard her say the last the last three seconds with him. Even though the cheer went up around them, Robyn and Taron heard none of it and keeping complete eye contact with each other, it was Taron who made the first move, placing his right hand on Robyn’s cheek, his left around her waist pulling her right into him, her hips squished against his. His eyes did a quick sweep of hers and when Robyn moved her head into his, he closed his eyes and let his lips touch hers. It was the sweetest of kisses and longer than the pecks they had before, Taron titling his head so their noses didn’t bump together and once Taron pulled back, he watched as Robyn licked her lips, while he bit his lower one a little. He grinned when Robyn put her two hands on his face and her right thumb wiped away her rose pink lipstick that lightly transferred and stained his lips after they kissed and without hesitation, kissed his soft lips again before adding another to nose and forehead, lingering on his forehead. Aside from his lips, it was the favourite place that Robyn kissed him and it seemed that the stupid smile on his face just couldn’t be wiped off that evening and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hugged her tight, Robyn returning the hug around his waist.

“Happy New Year Robyn. I am so thankful for everything you have done for me and being in that 7/11 at the same time as me and just being my best friend in every way possible.”

“Happy New Year Rocketman. Same goes for me too.” She enjoyed the kiss he placed on her temple. “And the ultimate bragging rights haven’t ended just because a new year has started.”

He lifted her gently off her feet, chuckling. “I am a doomed man.”

It was the presence of his friends, coming over for hugs and kisses to celebrate the New Year that broke their hug and soon everyone had crossed their arms and held hands with the person standing next to them while Auld Lang Syne rang out loudly through the pub. Robyn was squished between Jess and Phil while Taron was another four people away from her. She looked to him and saw that he was looking her way too and she had to double take when she saw how dark his eyes were and the slight look of desire on his face. It made her sing the wrong words to the song while both her hands fell out of the shaking rhythm before she had to stop and start again to make sure she was shaking in time. Her lips still burned in the best way from their kiss even though it was the purest and most innocent of kisses, Robyn found herself nearly wanting for more and her thoughts were all kinds of messed up and muddled. She knew without a doubt that she had feelings for Taron but lately her feelings of friendship were becoming unclear as to whether they were actually really for friendship or for love and she had to scold herself when imagines appeared in her head of her actually pushing the Welshman over the table and just kissing him till she was breathless, never mind him. The image made a wonderful warm feeling fill her and as she took another look to Taron, who was still smiling beautifully, Robyn was realising that she falling for Taron and falling hard.

The cheery drunken singing ended and a loud applause filled the pub, another round of hugs going round all. It was only the vibrating in the pocket of jeans that made her realise that her phone was ringing. She pulled it out and saw that her mam was calling her. She answered the call but found it so hard to hear anything as the noise in the pub increased tenfold since they rang in the new year.

“Hold on mam. I am just going to go outside.” Robyn searched for Taron and finding him mid laugh with Calvin, she squeezed past the people around her and over to him. “Hey I am just going outside to talk to my mam.” She gestured to her phone.

“Want me to come with?” He asked her.

“I won’t be long. Just the typical happy new year call.”

Taron watched as Robyn made her way through the maze of people until he couldn’t see her any more.

“Taron mate, you have it bad.” Calvin came to stand beside his friend. “You do realise you haven’t kept your eyes off her all evening?”

Deian came to stand with them too. “You are completely under her thumb.”

“Fuck off.” Answered Taron, trying to disguise the truth in what his friends had said by taking a swig of beer from his bottle.

“I wouldn’t blame you though.” Grinned Deian. “She is not only gorgeous but feisty and absolutely in love with you too.”

Taron looked to his best friend. “Whatever Deian. We’re friends.”

“Friends my fucking arse Taron. She sticks close to you, touches you all the time, kissed you for New Years Eve which by the way, lingered longer than a normal ‘just friends’ kiss and wore that outfit to make sure you kept your eyes on her all night.” Taron scoffed at his friend, taking another swig from his beer. “And you are just as bad as she is. Jesus Taron, I haven’t seen you fall this hard for a woman in a long time.”

“Of course I love her but not in a romantic way. It’s just the circumstances that make it look like it is more.” His friends looked to each other and then back to him. “What?”

“Such a load of fucking bollocks Taron.” Answered Calvin. “That woman came to visit you twice here in Aber and went to New York for four hours to see you too and you are fawning off to hers the day after tomorrow. I hate to tell you mate, but you are utterly in love with her and you know it and from what I can see, she is just as much head over heels for you as you are for her.”

Taron placed his beer on the table. “Fine. Fuck it.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I love her alright? Like butterflies in my stomach, electricity fizzing stupid crazy love her.”

Calvin and Deian looked to each other and grinned. “Knew it.” They said at the same time.

“But I am not going to do anything to fuck this up. I did something so stupid that already had her so mad at me, I don’t ever want to give her a reason to walk out on me.”

“Taron she’s fucking crazy about you!” Laughed Calvin. “You do realise she stood in front of you when we were quizzing her to protect you at all costs from whatever questions we had. She hasn’t stopped laughing and talking with us and she killed it with the karaoke.”

“She is used to preforming on stage.”

“Fuck off Taron. She did that to show off for you.” Replied Deian. “That woman could have just stood there and sang the song and still won but she didn’t. That was all for you.”

“Maybe it is you who wants to throw her on the table and kiss her senseless, not the other way around.” Winked Calvin, enjoying how Taron’s cheeks blushed red immediately. “I wouldn’t blame you. Man, her body is…” Calvin caught the warning look from his friend and stopped speaking, holding his hands up. “Ok ok Jesus sorry.”

“She is still the woman who saved my life. A little bit of respect please.” Warned Taron but his voice softened. “It’s just… I just…” He ran his hands through his hair again. “It scares me. I have fallen very quickly for Robyn.”

“She’s cute and absolutely keeps you in the corner of her eye at all times. She is constantly watching you.”

Taron rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to ruin my friendship with her. I need her more as a friend than anything else.”

“I think the anything else would be pretty fucking amazing Taron.” Said Deian.

“Deian….”

“What? I am just telling you the truth. I can see how close you both already are. Jesus Taron, you’re my best friend and I am unbelievably glad Robyn was there for you but I also see the love between you both and it is not just because she saved your life. There is more than that connection there. There is honest and genuine love between you both.”

“I can’t risk it.”

Calvin sighed. “Or you could have something so much more than what you already have and it could be fucking mind-blowing Taron. It’s something you deserve and I know without a doubt she would look after you and out for you and would never take advantage of you in anyway. Taron from what you have told us about her, she is probably the one woman in the world apart from your mum who has always been there for you no matter what.” Calvin turned to Deian, watching as their friend’s face turned a little sad.

“Look Taron.” Deian placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You may use a lot of excuses to not do something about this but I can see you want too and she is absolutely all in too. I will be here to support you mate no matter what you do, you know that. Calvin too but just think about it. It’s all butterflies and fizzing electricity now but imagine how you will feel if she meets someone else. I know we said she loves you, but without honest feelings being out in the open, you are not being truthful to yourselves and it leaves it open for someone else to step in and if that happens, you can say goodbye to these little visits she gives you.”

Taron’s face fell into shock as he took in his friends’ kind but truthful words. The thought of Robyn meeting someone had never really came into his mind and it made his stomach drop and not in the good way. “She is my best friend. I don’t want to lose her.”

“You won’t.” Confirmed Deian. “She will always be there for you but in the future do you want her as a friend or a girlfriend and don’t start thinking about what could happen if things went horribly wrong. There is the better chance that things will be brilliant and so much more exciting and you can throw each other on the table and get up to all sorts of fun. She is already quite feisty, imagine what else could be!”

Taron couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Do you need another warning and you have a girlfriend.”

“I am just saying out loud what the two of you are thinking!” Deian grinned.

“She is fucking gorgeous Taron. I have already been there and back.” Calvin laughed as he took a step back as his friend went to playfully hit him. “And that accent? Does she speak Irish? Bet it’s sexy as fuck if she does.”

Taron’s face showed annoyance for a second before he laughed out loud at his friend’s wink and he shook his head. “She is beautiful.”

The three laughed. “You fucking sop.” Grinned Calvin.

“But she’s sexy as fuck.” Taron added chuckling, getting caught up in the banter with his mates. “Alright ok. I need to get my shit together before she comes back.”

“Before she does, can we talk about this sharing a bed thing? Man, Taron, does she wear cute little pj’s to bed?” Asked Calvin.

“Maybe I will go and find her instead.” Taron took a long drink from his beer and started to walk away but turned back to his friends. “Look if you are thinking about Robyn like that, can you not tell me? I really don’t need to hear it.”

His two friends grinned at him. “What? That we imagine her as an Irish goodness wearing nothing but an Irish flag and…”

“And I am walking away now.” Taron shook his head, chuckling to himself as he made his way through the punters to head for the door. His mind was completely on overdrive and not only because he was thinking things about Robyn he knew he shouldn’t be thinking but because he knew his friends were right. He absolutely loved Robyn and his feelings were getting harder to ignore every time he saw her but even though he didn’t want to ruin their friendship, even more so when he got a glimpse of how easy it was to do so, he also didn’t want another man to sweep in and take what possibly could be his. With a heavy sigh he pushed open the door of the pub, enjoying the cold rush of ocean air which he hoped would take the heat away from his cheeks and stepped onto the footpath looking for her.

Robyn also had enjoyed the fresh air once she stepped outside finally being able to hear her mam on the phone and the conversation they had was quick, Lizzie asking her how her day had been so far and if they were any New Year’s Eve’s kisses, Robyn rolling her eyes when her mam teased her for kissing Taron. The call ended on a bright note, Lizzie reminding Robyn that she was under strict instructions to bring Taron over for a cup of tea when they got back to the Ireland the next day.

Shoving her phone back into her pocket of her jeans, Robyn smiled to herself, brushing her hair behind her ears, smiling more as the pink strands ran through her fingers. She knew her hairdresser was going to kill her but it was worth it to see the surprise in Taron’s eyes in New York. Her whole body softened as she thought of Taron. Beautiful, handsome, soft and cuddly Taron who had been nothing but a perfect gentleman the whole day and had been so attentive to her while at the pub. A simple touch to her arm or how he moved his body closer to her, steering the conversation away from the topic of them when needed and their shared kiss was still completely on her mind. She absentmindedly touched her lips, closing her eyes and sighed. Behind her closed eyes, Taron’s face was grinning at her and as his tongue gently wet his lips, his head moved closer to her and her breath hitched and even with the cool breeze, her whole body felt on fire.

“Oh Robyn Quinn, you are in trouble.” She chuckled out loud and she then felt a presence behind her. “Ok you found me.” Her smile quickly faded when two hands stretched around her waist, gripping her tightly through her top.

“I found you.”

Robyn thought it was Taron behind her, but as the hands squeezed her tighter and slipped in under the material of her top around her stomach, a body pressing hard up against her back, she knew immediately it wasn’t him. Not only because Taron would never even think about touching her in such a way, unless he was tickling her, his hands were soft and strong but always so light when he touched her, while these were rough and course and pulling their hips harder against her, grinding disgustingly against her.

“Robyn eh? Beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”

She struggled against the hands holding her and had to use her elbow to dig into their ribs before the person let her go and she took a large step forward and spun around. A tall man with full face beard and incredibly dark eyes, so dark they looked black stood in front of her smirking. “I like them feisty. You are stunning. Got your New Year Eve’s kiss yet?”

Scowling Robyn, went to walk past and around him to head back to the door of the bar, but found herself being pulled into a very uncomfortable embrace again. She struggled to free herself this time as their arms fully encased her body. “I like it when you wriggle Robyn.” She turned her head as he tried to run his nose down her cheek. “Hmm you smell delicious. I’m Pete.”

“I don’t fucking care. Get your hands off me.” Robyn pulled at the hands that clung to her but they stayed firm.

“Ugh yeah baby, grunting just turns me on!”

As Robyn tried to dig her elbow in again, she suddenly felt a rush of air against her back as Pete was wrenched away from her.

“Get your fucking hands off her.”

Taron had heard her voice as soon as he stepped outside and knew there was trouble and as he looked to the right, he saw Robyn being held firm in a strange mans arms and watched as she struggled for less than a second before he was over at the commotion and had pulled the man from her and immediately stood in front of Robyn, pushing her right behind him, Robyn’s hands going to his waist, her body pressed tight up against his.

“She your girlfriend mate? Sorry didn’t know.”

“She’s my friend,” Growled Taron angrily.

“Oh, just a friend?” Smirked Pete as he stepped closer. “Tell you what, you ever had a girl in the middle? I am sure she would be a wonderful candidate!”

It was a feeling of anger Taron had never felt in his life and he didn’t hesitate as he used his two hands to push hard on Pete’s chest. “Don’t you even dare say that, you fucking arsehole.” Satisfied that he had given Pete a fierce enough push to knock him to the ground, Taron turned back to Robyn.

“Are you ok? Did he touch you?”

“I’m fine Taron. He didn’t.” Robyn saw the immediate concern in his eyes and gently rested her left hand on his right cheek, knowing a simple touch would calm his rising anger down. “I am good. I promise.”

“Robyn…” He thumb stroking his cheek, felt so lovely and warm and a stark contrast to the cold of the sea breeze that had cooled his skin down.

“Taron, I am absolutely fine. Let’s just go back inside.”

With a nod of agreement, Taron went to take her hand when he felt a rough tight hand on his shoulder. Pete had stumbled when he was pushed but didn’t fall over, managing to keep his balance and he saw that Taron was turned away from him, speaking in hushed whispers to Robyn. He then stepped forward and pulled hard on Taron’s left shoulder, spinning him around and before Taron could get his hands up to defend himself, Pete landed one incredibly hard punch to the left side of Taron’s jaw. With the surprise hit to his face, Taron felt the full force of it and found himself hitting the ground on the left side of his body, his elbow and arm landing hard on the concrete.

“Taron!” Robyn was by his side on the ground in seconds, her hand going to his face, noticing the blood on his bottom lip and the bruise already forming under her hand.

“Jesus Christ that fucking hurt.” Taron winced as Robyn’s hand rested gently on his face and he appreciated how she helped him sit up. His left elbow throbbed and he could taste blood in his mouth. He lifted his arm and turned it around, the underside of his arm scraped and bleeding.

“Taron, are you ok? Can you move your arm? Your fingers?”

Robyn was having flashbacks from the 7/11 but as she held his arm in her hands, he easily moved his fingers, wrist and elbow. “You tosspot. Starting a fight.”

Taron was about to answer her, ready to defend his actions but Robyn was harshly pulled to her feet, Peter wrapping his arms around her again. “Well I guess it is better just one on one. Means I can have you all to myself.”

The Welshman scrambled to his feet, ignoring the slight ache in his elbow and made to run towards where Robyn was when his male friends got there first.

“Hey arsehole! I would let her go if I were you.” Deian took two strides towards Pete and wrapping his arms around Robyn’s waist, pulled her hard towards him and then into Taron’s arms as he stood waiting for her with all of his friends.

“So it’s turning into an orgy then?”

Taron heard and felt the growl that Robyn made against him as he held her extremely tight against his chest.

“Piss off Pete.” Calvin stepped forward. “You are drunk and she is taken.”

“But yet she needs a whole group of men to stand up for her? Nothing but a cheap whore.”

Deian thought Taron was going to go for Pete but it was Robyn who powerfully pulled herself from Taron’s arms, taking advantage of his sore left arm, pushing on it so he winced, letting his grip loosen a little and she took the steps closer to the man who tried come on to her and with one solid move, slapped him brutally across his face followed by an intense push on his chest, which made Peter step backwards a few times. “Would be a snake of a man to try and slither his way into a pair of pants he could never get into. Think you are a man? Fuck no. Nothing but a piece of shit.” Robyn took a step forward and gave Peter another fast violent push, putting all of her weight into it and this time Pete couldn’t keep his balance and toppled over, earning a round of applause from the group behind her, all of Taron’s friends cheering her.

Robyn resisted the urge to dig her heel into Pete’s crotch but instead turned around to look at all the smiling faces looking her way, Taron’s bruised face with the widest grin.

“Fucking Christ!” Laughed Deian as he swung his arm around Robyn’s shoulders. “No wonder those men with the guns shook in their boots in Florida.” They walked the few paces back toward the group.

“Fucking tosspot.” Robyn murmured as she stood next to Taron. “Are you ok?”

He grinned. “Feeling a bit embarrassed.” He touched his jaw and winced.

“Don’t be. He completely blind sighted you and played dirty. Your back was turned. I know you would have gotten him had he not done that.”

“Jesus Taron, Irish women are aggressive.”

“Hey!” Robyn wheeled around to look at Calvin. “I prefer the term spirited and you never mess with an Irish woman. Taron can fill you in on why when I am not around.” She turned her attention back to Taron. “You need ice and something to clean up that arm. You are pretty scratched up.”

“Yeah let’s go back inside.” He took a look towards Pete on the floor but Deian walked to stand beside him.

“I wouldn’t worry about him Taron. He won’t try anything again. Not now when he has seen all of us.”

Taron nodded. “Thanks man.” He gave his friend a hug. “Thanks for helping Robyn.”

“She is fucking awesome.”

Taron laughed as he let his friend go. “And she can hear you.”

“Hey don’t knock him. I am fucking awesome!” She grinned. “Come on let’s go in. It’s freezing out here.”

Together they walked back towards the door of the pub, an excited natter running through them, Calvin holding it open for them all. The heat of the room was wonderful after being outside in the cold and while Robyn went to the bar with Deian, the others made their way back to their tables, ready to relay the story to the girls.

“I can get a pint of water and a glass of ice please?” Asked Robyn. “And if you had a clean cloth?” The barman looked at her. “Tripped outside, cut my knees up.” With another look, the barman nodded and went to get what she asked for.

“So, you are a little firecracker.” Grinned Deian as he stood beside her.

“I don’t take shit like that.”

“Yeah I noticed. Taron really has his hands full with you.”

Robyn chuckled. “He is used to it by now.”

“You really went to New York to yell at him?”

Robyn turned to look at Deian. “He deserved it.”

“Oh I don’t disagree with you. I like that you called him out but he is a good guy Robyn. I’ve known him my whole life.”

“Hey, I know he is. He just did something shitty and we’re over it.”

“I have noticed. You two are so touchy feely with each other.”

Robyn grinned. “Affectionate I think is the word you are looking for.”

“He does like a hug.”

“He gives good ones.”

Deian grinned. “So these kisses, how did my boy do?”

“You want to talk shop with me?” Laughed Robyn as she thanked the barman for the glasses and cloth. “I don’t kiss and tell.” She went to walk away but turned back him. “Thanks for what you did out there. Pulling me from Pete. I may have got my shove in but I wouldn’t have if you and the others didn’t come out.”

“We thought we might have caught you and Taron making out but that wasn’t the case.” Deian took one of the glasses from her. “You mean a lot to him Robyn. He really loves you. Sometimes it makes him a bit stupid.”

Robyn didn’t answer him as she knew right well how stupid Taron could be and as they reached the table, she could hear Calvin re-telling the story of what happened outside with over exaggerated details and enthusiasm. She slipped in past Taron and sat beside him on the soft seats so his left side was to her right. “You sure you’re ok?” She asked him as she put the glass of water on the table with the cloth, nodding to Deian as he gave her the glass of ice.

“Yeah I am ok. Are you? That fucking arsehole had his hands all over you.”

“I am absolutely fine. Thanks for coming to defend my honour. Sorry you got the brunt of that punch.” Robyn pulled her bag up from the floor and untied the silk scarf accessory that came with it, leaving it on the table beside the glasses.

“I did such a great job.” Taron rolled his eyes.

“Hey, your back was turned. Not your fault.” Robyn dipped the clean cloth into the water and turned to face him.

“Are you getting a sense of deja vu right now?” He asked he as she placed her left hand on his right cheek to keep his head steady as she carefully dabbed at his split bottom lip.

“Very much so. Sorry.” She cringed as Taron winced. “Good thing you still have a week before you are back to work.”

Taron smiled a little. “I am beginning to think you a magnet for trouble Miss Quinn.”

“Only when I am around you Mr. Egerton.”

Robyn dropped the cloth and picked up the glass of ice and poured some into the silk scarf and tied a knot in it. She lightly placed it on his jaw. “Think you can hold this with your right hand and I can clean up your arm.”

With a nod Taron, took the scarf and pressed it against his skin as Robyn had.

“So, is this basically what the 7/11 looked like?” Asked Deian as he watched Robyn carefully took care of his friend.

“Pretty much. Except there was a lot more blood.”

It only took Robyn a few minutes to clean Taron’s arm up, the scratches not as bad as they looked once the little dots of blood were all wiped away. It was his jaw that looked the worst, his little split lip a sign of how he stood up for her and protected her.

“Your mother is going to kill you.” She whispered to him as she ran a finger lightly down his jaw as she guided his hand with the ice away, moving her head a little closer to him so she could examine the bruise.

“Not this time. This time I did good.”

“She will be proud of her little boy.” Robyn smiled.

Taron laughed, wincing a little as his jaw stung. “Ow.” He whinged a little.

“Aww my poor little rocketman.” Robyn grinned, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

“Hey enough of that now!” Calvin shouted at them over the loud music which was playing when they had walked back into the bar. “Keep all this PDA’s for when we are not around. Now it is time to dance! It’s not your feet that got whipped Taron, just your face.”

Robyn tried not to laugh but the facial exchange between the two friends was brilliant and as Taron frowned, Calvin laughed harder.

“So Robyn you are Irish, there must be an ability to dance in there somewhere.”

“Well actually now that you mention it, I am a world champion Irish dancer.” Robyn enjoyed how Calvin’s grin slowly turned into a jaw dropping shocked face and normally she would be able to hold her serious face for much longer but she broke and started to laugh, enjoying hearing Taron laugh beside her. “Oh Calvin. It is just too easy to wind you up.”

“So it’s gotten to that stage of the evening, has it?”

“I think we are pretty close enough now for the slagging to be returned and someone needs to have Taron’s back.”

“Oh I think you might have more than that Robyn.” Smiled Calvin. “So maybe not the Irish dancing but you have been on stage and can sing, you have to have some sort of rhythm.”

Robyn grinned. “Just ask us to go and dance instead of walking around the topic. I love dancing.”

“Right then, will the two of you get up, stop being so cute with each other and come and dance!”

Robyn didn’t catch the look between the two friends as she pushed the bloody cloth into the pint glass with the ice and got to her feet. “You two go and I will meet you there. I am going to get rid this.” She stepped past Taron and made her way to the bar.

“You wanna give up with the hints there Calvin?” Questioned Taron.

“I don’t need to give you any hints Taron. It is so bloody obvious to anyone looking to you both.”

Taron stood up, moving his arm at the elbow, wincing a little as it hurt a bit. “Just let it go ok?”

“Yeah sure.” Smiled Calvin as he threw his arm around Taron’s shoulders and walked him towards where the stage for the karaoke had been, now dissembled for the nightclub, music and dance for the rest of the evening. “So, have you and Robyn ever been dancing before?” He felt his friend stall for a second. “Oh and this evening only gets better.”

The dance floor was literally hopping as the DJ played the most popular songs from past and present and Taron laughed as Robyn got excited every time the next song came on, singing along when she knew the words, making them up when she didn’t.

“Best song ever!” She cried as Manic 2000 came on, grabbing Taron’s hands and making him jump up and down, Taron giggling stupidly as she sang along knowing the song word for word.

When then classic eighty’s rock songs came on Taron cheered and swung out of Calvin and Deian as he sang along, somehow keeping in complete key, Robyn sneaking herself in between him and Calvin, to help them sing too.

It was when the first slow song played, Robyn and Taron looked at each other for a second before they shrugged shoulders, grinned and moved closer together, Taron’s hands on Robyn’s waist and hers resting over his shoulders. Others in the crowd coupled off and those who were left standing alone, quickly made their exit back to their seats.

“I like this song.” She said.

“You like all the songs.” Chuckled Taron as he took her hands from his shoulders and carefully spun her around, bringing her back into his chest and closer than before.

“I know but this song is lovely.”

“Are you a romantic at heart under all of that fiery exterior that I admire so much?” He whispered to her.

“Maybe.”

Taron smiled and wrapped his arms a little tighter around her, dipping his head into her neck, enjoying how Robyn slipped her hand into the hair at the base of his neck, while the other rested flat on his lower back. Madonna’s Crazy for You played through the speakers and the slow dance, which should have been awkward wasn’t and they found an easy sway between them. Robyn tucked herself a little tighter into Taron’s warmth. She was already feeling warm from all the dancing, but the heat from Taron was always a different kind of warmness and it made fuzzy feelings happen in her whole body.

“Robyn?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for coming to ring in the new year with me.”

“Thanks for inviting me. This is so much better than eating Chinese food in my pj’s and then going to bed at five past twelve.”

Taron laughed and took her hands to spin her around once more, enjoying the giggles that came from her as she spun back into him.

“You’re such a tosspot.”

“I know.”

Swaying again, Robyn sighed happily. “But you’re my tosspot.”  She mumbled into his shoulder, hoping he hadn’t heard her but her mumble turned to a groan as the next song came on.

“Oh Taron, no. We are not dancing to this.”

With the biggest grin on his face, he took her hands away from his back and took a step away from her and started singing along to Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing, over acting with his arms bringing her in and out to him, spinning her around more and more, catching her in his arms and dipping her dramatically.

“Jesus Taron!” She laughed taken by surprise and grabbing a hold of him tight but knew she was very secure and safe in his arms.

“I just want to be with you, right there with you, just like this!” He sang dramatically through deep laughs as he pulled her carefully back up into his arms and lifted her up gently before letting her slide down his chest.

“You’re a nutjob!”

“A nutjob? Well that is a new one.” He grinned.

“Another great song!” She laughed as Time After Time played straight after and she went straight to singing it, Taron laughing as she took one of his hands and made him spin around and taking control of the dancing, took both his hands and made them walk around in a circle in one direction before turning and going back the other way. He full belly laughed, his laugh getting caught in his throat as she acted out the second part of the first verse, walking away from him theatrically, while still holding his hand only for him to pull her back dramatically right into his chest and started to do a quick sort of cha-cha step, Robyn catching onto his footwork quickly before coming back together again close to sway in each other’s arms, both singing along to the words.

The song ended halfway as the set changed to another pop classic and with a look at each other, they headed off the dance off back towards their tables, Robyn still bopping along to the Justin Timberlake song that played, still nodding her head as she down, Taron going to the bar to get them a drink. Half of Taron’s friends were up dancing, while some were at the bar getting another drink, the remainder chatting loudly over the music.

“Best new year’s ever.” Robyn sighed as she took a drink from glass of water Taron had given to her as he sat down, taking his own long gulp too when she was done.

“Yeah? You think?” He asked as he settled in beside her, throwing his left arm around her, his fingers tapping the beat of the song lightly out on her left bare shoulder. “Even with what happened outside?”

Robyn grinned. “What is new years without a little drama?”

Taron chuckled. “You kicked his arse Robyn. That slap echoed around the street.”

“He fucking deserved it. Tosspot.” She snarled as she took the glass from Taron and took another drink. “I don’t know if I can top this night. Though things can pretty mad at a hurling match.”

“Well I know you are pretty good at using a hurley so I won’t need to worry about you when you are at home. I actually don’t think I need to really worry about you at all.”

“I am still very glad you came outside though. Thanks Taron.”

“Anytime chicken.” He leaned over and kissed her temple. “Anytime.”

[thetypedwriter]

Chain of Gold Book Review

Chain of Gold Book Review by Cassandra Clare 

I know what you’re thinking.

Oh. My. God. Another one?

How can she possibly be cranking out these 5,000 long page novels year after year after year?

I think the exact same thing and yet….

I still read them. Every single one. Well, except for some of the companions, guides, and novellas that accompany them because come on nobody has that much free time. And we don’t talk about the show Shadowhunters that Freeform monstrously created. Ever.

Except for Cassandra Clare maybe, since, you know, she wrote them. Or co-wrote them. Or kinda wrote them. Whatever, the true authorship isn’t important here.

What is important, however, is that there is a new Shadowhunter series on the horizon and THAT IT IS NOT TY AND KIT. I REPEAT. This new massive compendium is not the next installment of the Dark Artifices. Instead, it is an entirely new-but-not-new-Cassandra-Clare style book for the newly developed The Last Hours series in which no one asked for nor expected.

You might be asking yourself: do I need to have read the other 76 books in order to understand this one? Cassandra Clare and others will have you believe no. They’ll say, “Nahhhh, don’t stress, it’s a new cast of characters!”

They are dead wrong.

I mean, I guess you plausibly could but you would be horribly confused and befuddled for the entire sequence. I was largely confused and befuddled for the entire sequence and I have read most of the other 76 books-which, is a joke, of course, except not really, since the current canon world spans 14 main books across multiple timelines (all of which are the opposite of miniature by the way) and at least five companion novels and counting that are more important than they let on.

It is extremely, extremely daunting for new readers.

That being said, as we are all stuck at home quarantined due to coronavirus, you probably have a lot of time on you. Just gonna say that Amazon and Barnes & Noble deliver, folks, jump on it. E-books also exist if you do not have room to house these monstrosities, a problem I do not blame you for.

Now that all of that is out of the way, what is this new book about and how did I feel about it?

Well. To start, this new series takes place in the late 19th century in London, a setting we’ve seen before in The Infernal Devices, the first of the canon spinoff series.

This new series mainly tells the story of the children from the first spinoff, with highlights on Tessa, Will, and Jem. As most of Clare’s books, this one also has alternating POV’s. This particular installment switches mainly between Cordelia Carstairs, James Herondale and Lucie Herondale with little snatches of others in between.

To make this overly large series very, very simplified and contained, here is my plot summary:

Girl moves to London. Girl is in love with her best friend’s brother (a little cliche, but okay, Clare). Brother is a special little nugget that can see the demon world because his mother is a warlock (cue Infernal Devices here). His sister, the other special nugget and said best friend from above, can talk to ghosts, but not only that, she can also command them. The applause sound goes here. 

There are demon uprisings. Some shadowhunters get poisoned while everyone runs around incompetently trying to find a cure, but don’t worry it’s none of the main characters so you don’t really care. The brother special nugget from above is also pretend in love with a girl with a very dark home life that reeks of manipulation (cough cough obviously the bracelet is bewitched in some way) and is somehow enchanting him to do her bidding, but is really in love with the new girl that’s in love with him. Gasp. 

Special nugget also has a best friend that is most likely a bisexual alcoholic and the girl who moved to London has a drunkard father who’s currently in prison and a brother who was previously a bully becasue he was gay (amongst other reasons) and is not as much of an asshole, but is still an asshole. Unrequited love is also strewn about handomsely.

Yup. That about sums it up.

If you’re confused, then that’s okay, as the book is confusing.

Plot aside, this book was enjoyable to me for one main reason: it’s a shadowhunter book. Despite all the jokes I’m making on its behalf, I do love the series. It’s expansive and interesting and angsty and romantic and most of the characters and action and plot twists are really incredibly good.

Truly.

However, this book, for me personally, was more on the burdensome side of the Sahdowhunter lore rather than the uplifting one that added to it, even if I did buy it the first day it came out.

Clare throws so many characters at you in this first installment that it’s actually impossible to keep track, primarily because no one other than the true main characters are ever clearly defined or characterized or shown significance in any way and also because THEY ARE ALL DAMN RELATED IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER AND BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME FUCKING NAMES.

I’m not even kidding. How Clare got to her original series and The Dark Artifices series without having incest galore is a miracle to me. The same people in the same families fall in love every damn time that at this point they all have to be interconnected Slytherin pure-blood style.

We didn’t need a sickly sweet epilogue of Tessa and Will’s wedding day at the end of the book. We needed a well drawn out and thoughtfully labeled shadowhunter family tree in full color because this shit was so confusing.

This was a big turn-off for me. It was almost as if Clare was suffering under the expansiveness of the world she had built, which is why the book was over 600 pages when it really could have easily been half. The last 90 pages read as an annoying epilogue that should have been twenty at most but just kept going and going and going like a Geico commercial.

She has so many characters with so many names and so many little tidbits about them that it was actually alarming. I get it if Clare knows who everyone is, that’s great. She’s the author. The point is, however, is not so that the author understands, but the readers do too. I can say with 100% certainty that no one understood who everyone was unless they study the main series every night before they go to bed, which is largely impossible.

In addition, this particular story is just...fine. It’s fine. It’s not the best of Clare’s work (Dark Artifices, baby!) or the worst (I don’t know...maybe Red Scrolls of Magic) but it gets the job done. I don't hate the characters like I have some others of Clare’s creations, but I don’t love them either. 

James seems to be like every other male character that Clare has ever created, Cordelia seems...okay. Lucie is rather annoying, as is Grace and her mother Tatiana, who are so evil it’s stupid. Thomas and Christopher don’t matter in the slightest and neither do the parents, which is a shame considering they were the main cast in Infernal Devices. Jesse was...alright.

 Honestly, the best characters in my opinion were Matthew Fairchild and Anna Lightwood. I would have loved a saucy, dramatic Oscar Wilde inspired entourage where they were painting the town red and smashing stereotypes all over the place.

But no. We get the main love story of James and Cordelia, the new girl and the best friend’s brother. Which has never been done of course. Super unique idea.

Cue eye roll.

In the end, odds are, if you are going to read Chain of Gold, you were going to read it to begin with because you’re a Shadowhunter fan like me and you’ll gobble up anything Cassandra Clare throws at you, whether good or bad. If you’re interested in picking up a book, this is not the book to start.

 If you want a super long, mostly tantalizing read that will take over your life for the next few months then I recommend starting with the OG City of Bones and painstakingly making your way from there. You’ll most likely not regret it, even if your bank account and your heart will be crying by the end.

Recommendation: Shadowhunter fans unite! Chain of Gold is out and ready to be devoured! Everyone else, either stand back or pick up a book and get reading because this book is on a train that will keep chugging and chugging forever.

Score: 6.5/10

[echo-bleu]

Sending Out Flares

Title: Sending Out Flares Fandom: Roswell New Mexico Chapters: 1/1 Words: 7754 Relationship: Alex Manes/Michael Guerin Characters: Alex Manes, Michael Guerin Summary: Three times Alex doesn't quite let Michael take care of him, and one time he does. A/N: For @changingthingslikeleaves, this is your Malex Secret Santa gift! I didn't know exactly what you like, but you gave me three great prompts, so I tried to combine them into one story. It kinda got away from me and grew far longer than I intended, but I hope you like it! The prompts were : - Michael and Alex could never get their timing quite right. What if one of those near misses hadn't actually been a miss? - Michael likes taking care of people, he just doesn't get enough opportunities to do so. He'd be really good at taking care of Alex. - Michael and Alex actually being happy together about something. Huge thanks to @insidious-intent for being an amazing beta!

Also on AO3

1.

“Isobel's gone.”

Alex looks up. He's still sitting on the bed, now fully dressed, but trapped in the trailer for as long as Isobel Evans was out in the yard. He swallows at the way Michael is looking at him, all disappointment and incomprehension.

“I'm sorry,” he mutters, looking at his knees.

“Is it that I'm not good enough for you?” Michael asks. “It stings, but I can't blame you.”

“It's not−” Alex starts, but he stops when he realizes he doesn't even know how to explain it. He makes a move to stand up, at least get on the same level as Michael, but the trailer is too small to move comfortably, and his prosthesis, put on in haste, twists when he tries to put his weight on it. He falls back with a wince.

“It is,” Michael spits out.

Alex shakes his head, a bit desperately. He opens his mouth again, but he can't find the right words, and he knows what he stands to lose if it comes out wrong.

“Then what is it, Alex?”

Alex takes a breath, trying to find that calm place in his mind he retreats to when things get heated. There. “I want to explain,” he says, almost coolly. “Please just give me a minute.”

“You've just had almost half an−” Michael starts, watching Alex grab his leg, grit his teeth and pull it back in place. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Can we talk outside?” Alex asks. “This is a bit cramped. And I think we need to actually talk.”

“If it's just to tell me that this is over, there's no point,” Michael sighs.

“No. Outside. Please.”

Michael blinks and nods. He gets down the steps he never left, holding the door open. Alex stands up, tests his leg carefully, and follows him out.

The burning sun does nothing to help Alex feel better about his morning. It started so well, though. He doesn't know what made him stay the night, for the first time since they hooked up almost two weeks ago, but waking up to Michael's body pressed against his made it all worth it. And it's the best sleep he's had in years, here in the cramped single bed of a badly insulated trailer.

Michael drags him to a couple of chairs laid out in the shade. He sits down and crosses his arms, pointedly waiting. Alex lowers himself into the other chair, regretting that he didn't get to do his PT before putting on his prosthesis.

“I don't think I'm too good for you,” he says quietly, not looking at Michael. “I'm not. If anything, I'm not good enough for you, but this isn't what this is about.”

He grimaces. This is overdue, but he's no good at talking. Being open and vulnerable. That was beaten out of him long ago.

“You're ashamed of me,” Michael says. “You don't want anyone to see us together.”

Alex sputters. “I'm not ashamed of you, I'm fucking terrified, okay?” he lets out, surprising himself. It's a scary thought to admit, and he hasn't, even to himself, until now.

Michael frowns, tilting his head. “You're already out,” he says.

“Guerin, last time someone saw us together−”

It's like a leaden weight has crashed on them. Michael closes his mouth, and his face falls. Alex's eyes fall to his scarred left hand, almost against his will.

“That's what this is about?” Michael asks in a small voice, after a moment has passed. Alex just bites his lip. “Isobel won't−”

“I know. You...you trust her, and it should be−it is enough for me. But I still−”

“You're still scared,” Michael sighs. “You said it the other day, we're adults now.”

Alex looks down at his hands. “It's an ingrained response, I guess. DADT's been over for a while, but I never...I mean, I've been with other guys. Never, like, in public or anything. But with you−” he waves a hand, unsure how to express it.

“With me what, Alex?” Michael presses. “How is it different?”

“It's different because he hurt you!” Alex explodes. “Because he smashed your hand and he made it clear that he knew exactly how to make you disappear and I put you in danger!”

He realizes, belatedly, that he's almost yelling, and Michael is watching him with wide eyes. Taking a breath, he folds back on himself, crossing his arms again. “Sorry,” he mutters.

“Alex,” Michael starts, slowly and carefully. “Are you saying that your father threatened to kill me after he found us?”

“He almost did kill you,” Alex mutters.

“No. He didn't try to kill me. He tried to...teach me a lesson, or whatever that was in his mind, but he didn't try to kill me. I know the difference.”

Alex tries not to think of how Michael knows the difference. He does, too. Jesse Manes didn't set out to kill Michael that day, just like he never tried to kill Alex, only inflict pain.

“He tried to teach me a lesson,” he says. “That he could do whatever he wanted to you without consequences. Including−”

“Including killing me,” Michael finishes. “Fuck. Did he...did he hurt you? For what we did?”

Alex doesn't answer, staring at his hands instead. He started this morning in bliss, caressing Michael's bare skin, and now he wants to curl up in a little ball and disappear.

“Fuck,” Michael repeats. “Alex−”

He stands up, coming closer. Alex full-body flinches when Michael puts a hand on his arm. Shit. He thought he'd gotten rid of these reactions. This is Michael, for God's sake.

Michael who immediately pulls back his hand. He crouches down instead, so that his face is just below Alex's line of sight. “Alex, I'm sorry,” he says. “I didn't−I didn't realize all this. I figured your father didn't want us together, that was quite obvious, but...I should have known.”

Alex wants to answer, but the words catch in his throat. “I'm sorry you've had to carry that on your own,” Michael adds.

Alex really chokes at that, his eyes filling with tears. “I didn't want you to know,” he murmurs. “As long as I was good and did what he wanted, you were safe from him. I didn't want you to be looking over your shoulder.”

“You enlisted to keep me safe?” Michael asks in a tiny voice.

Alex buries his head in Michael's shoulder instead of answering. It wasn't the only reason.

Just most of it.

He breathes in and out, as slowly as he can manage, his nose in Michael's tee-shirt, until his leg aches too much to stay still. He goes to push Michael away to stand up, but Michael just moves with him, supporting him up.

His wide, expressive eyes meet Alex's, full of confusion and gratitude and worry, and he brings their foreheads together.

“I'm not afraid of him,” he says. “I can defend myself now. And so can you.”

“Then why am I still scared?” Alex asks.

“Because you never got to take a break. But we can work on this together. If you want to.”

Alex closes his eyes against the tears. “Okay,” he murmurs.

Working on it together means that the very same day, when Jesse Manes tries to get into Alex's head at the drive-in, Michael is just close enough for Alex to feel his warmth.

“Do I embarrass you, Dad?” Alex asks, amusement warring with cutting sarcasm in his voice.

His father sneers, and Alex can guess what he wants to say, but he can't. Not right in front of Michael. Jesse Manes knows how to make his contempt visible, but it's not enough to get inside Alex's head. Not this time.

A small part of him reacts instinctively, though. He doesn't let Michael come any closer for a while, not as long as his Dad is close enough to see. He hates it, hates this gut reaction of dread, but he can't do anything about it.

But where he expected Michael's disappointment, there's only understanding in his eyes, when Jesse Manes leaves after speaking on stage−he doesn't actually care about the movie−and Alex reaches a hand out to put it on Michael's thigh.

“Old habits?” Michael asks in fake lightness.

Alex nods, not even trying to hide his relief and his guilt.

“I get it,” Michael murmurs in his ear, scooting closer on the truck's edge until their thighs touch. “I'm glad we talked.”

“Me too,” Alex says. He can't help eyeing their surroundings, but everyone has their eyes on the movie.

“Don't worry, I'm not going to jump you in public.” Michael's tone is light, teasing, not accusing. Alex breathes.

“Not even if I want you to?”

“You're a respected Airman, Alex,” Michael quotes mockingly. “You're too good for PDA.”

“Um, maybe,” Alex murmurs. “But later, though−”

“The Airstream?”

“Actually, I have a larger bed,” Alex says.

Michael freezes, for just a moment. It's a big step. “I don't even know where you live,” he admits.

“I have a cabin. It's about an hour out?”

“Okay,” Michael nods. “I can follow you there? After the end of the movie. So I'll have my car to come to work in the morning.”

In the morning. “Sounds good,” Alex says. He tries not to show how relieved he feels.

Michael shifts, puts a hand around his back, where it won't be visible to anyone watching them. Alex leans into the touch.

“Your dad doesn't get to win,” Michael murmurs. “You're stronger than him.”

Michael's scarred hand is resting on his thigh. Alex's eyes fall to it, and he has to swallow back a sob.

“No,” he shakes his head. “I'm not, not yet. But maybe we are.”

2.

“What's going on?” Michael asks as soon as Alex opens the door of his cabin. He's made the drive in barely over forty-five minutes instead of the hour it's supposed to take, worry churning at his gut. It's Sunday, two weeks since Isobel was put into a pod and one of their first coinciding days off in a while. That Alex knows of, at least, because Michael has been inventing overtime to cover for the days he spends down in his bunker or at the lab with Liz. It's only one more lie on top of all the ones he's been keeping.

So when Alex texted to ask him to meet at his cabin instead of the Crashdown date they'd planned, Michael figured something must be wrong.

Alex looks tired, bags under his eyes and his features drawn. Michael looks away from his face to realize that he's leaning on crutches, his right pant leg pinned up below his knee. Michael frowns. He's never seen Alex without the prosthesis for longer than the time it takes him to shower in the morning.

“Nothing,” Alex says with a small smile. “Just a slow day. Come in.”

“Slow day?” Michael frowns.

Alex takes a step backward to allow him in, then turns toward the couch, letting Michael close the door behind him. “Do you want coffee?” he asks. “There's some ready, do you mind helping yourself?”

“Of course,” Michael says, taking in the couch, where Alex slowly−too slowly−lowers himself down, and the used mug on the coffee table, beside Alex's laptop and a bottle of pills. “Want me to top you up while I'm at it?”

He'll ask what's going on again, but it can wait until they're settled. Alex is obviously not in imminent danger.

“Sure,” Alex says, leaning to grab the mug and hands it to Michael. “Thanks.”

He pats the spot beside him on the couch when Michael comes back with two full mugs in hand, so Michael obeys and sits down. Their shoulders brush, and he can feel how tense Alex's body is, too tense for a “slow day” lounging on the couch in sweatpants.

“What's wrong, Alex?” he asks quietly.

Alex sighs. “Nothing. Not really.”

“I don't understand,” Michael bites his lip. He's missing something here. It's like Alex expects him to already know, but he doesn't.

He's been so busy, with Isobel and Max and Liz, so worried that they've barely seen each other. They text every day, at least, but it's not enough.

“I'm sorry I'm crashing our date,” Alex says. “I meant to come, but−”

It dawns on Michael suddenly. The pill bottle on the table, whose label he can't quite make out, the lack of prosthesis, the fatigue in Alex's gaze. “When you say slow day, you mean−”

“Bad day, yeah. I didn't really want you to see it, but I missed you. I didn't want to cancel again.” He doesn't meet Michael's eyes.

“Alex−”

“You can go, if you prefer. I'm not going to be good company.”

Michael gapes. “No! Alex...fuck. I don't want to go. I want to be where you are, okay?”

The surprise is Alex's gaze, when he looks up, is real.

“I just...didn't expect this. I should have, I just never thought.”

“What do you mean?” Alex frowns.

“I didn't even know you had...what do you call it, chronic pain?” Alex nods. “I keep thinking that I'm actually starting to know you, and then something new comes up and I'm floored. It's not, like, a bad thing,” Michael adds when he sees the look on Alex's face. “I just get surprised.”

“You're saying that we don't talk enough?” Alex asks, hesitant.

“I don't know, maybe?” Michael grimaces. He thinks about everything he's still hiding and winces. Is he digging his own grave?

“We could,” Alex says. “Talk. Today, if you want to. It's not like I'm up for anything else.”

“Okay,” Michael nods slowly. He stays silent for a moment, trying to think about how to ask his questions. Alex beats him to the punch.

“There's something I've been meaning to ask you,” he says, shifting uncomfortably. Michael moves along to give him space. “I found out about some stuff my dad was up to. Illegal stuff.”

Michael blinks, trying to guess where this is leading. “Conspiracy stuff,” Alex adds, and the bottom of Michael's stomach drops.

“He had some documents about you,” Alex confirms his fears. “At first, I thought he targeted you because of me, but I've been thinking. Maybe you're going to tell me it's absurd, it kinda feels like it is, but...are you an alien?”

Michael freezes.

There it is. He's been dreading this, but he's also wanted to tell Alex ever since he came back to Roswell. He gave Max such a hard time for telling Liz, but how much of that was really jealousy?

At the same time, if Alex's father is involved in some kind of conspiracy, if he already knows about him and Isobel and Max…

Fuck. What can he do? He can't just laugh it off. Even if he wanted to keep lying to Alex, it feels like it's already too late.

“What makes you say that?” he asks, too fast, out of breath.

Alex watches him for a moment. It must show on his face, how terrified Michael is. It has to. He realizes, a little late, than any reaction other than laughing it off is probably confirmation.

“I don't have anything conclusive,” Alex says. “From what I read on the darknet, and what I found in the bunker, it seems pretty obvious that aliens do exist. And you being in Roswell, the way you were found in the desert...I don't know, it seems possible? Then I started thinking about how hot you run, and how you never even went to the hospital for your hand, and mostly how strange you and Liz have been behaving lately. Something's going on. And then−”

“Then?”

Alex takes a breath. “I'm pretty sure that Max is an alien. And that would mean that you are, too.”

“Why Max?” Michael asks. He's too scared to answer anything else.

“Stuff Kyle said,” Alex waves the matter away. “If it's that you can't tell me, I'll take anything other than a no as a confirmation,” he adds. “I know something about classified intel.”

Michael hesitates, and that's confirmation enough. But he holds up a hand before Alex can speak again.

“Yes,” he says, his voice lower and less confident than he'd like. “I'm an alien. And I've never told anyone before.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Alex whispers. “I understand why it's...dangerous, for you. Especially with my father−”

“We'll have to talk about this,” Michael says. “If there's someone in this town who knows about us and wants to harm us, I need to know. But−”

“But?”

“Not right now. I'm...I'm amazed that you haven't run away yet, but I'm sure you have questions. The more personal kind.”

“Of course,” Alex nods. “I want to know who you are. But I doubt there's anything I can learn that will make me run away.”

Michael thinks about Rosa and the other girls, about the man in the desert, the secrets he's still going to have to keep. There's plenty, he thinks, that would horrify Alex. “Even if I told you I've killed people?” he asks almost against his will. He winces. This isn't testing the waters, this is just foolish.

“I'd want to know why, and I might not be okay with it,” Alex says slowly. “But I wouldn't run away. And not just because I currently can't run.”

Both of their gazes flicker to his stump.

“I was in the Air Force for ten years, Guerin,” Alex says. “Would you run away, if I tell you that I've killed? Because I have.”

Michael shivers at the bitterness of his tone, but not in fear. “No,” he shakes his head. “But it's different.”

“Because my government asked me to?”

Michael nods.

“It doesn't always make it more justified,” Alex says darkly. “It certainly doesn't make it right.”

“I haven't,” Michael mutters, swallowing hard. “I haven't killed anyone. But I have...abilities, that can be dangerous.”

He raises his hand, floating his coffee mug above the table.

“Wow,” Alex murmurs.

Michael turns toward him sharply, letting the mug crash back on the table with a loud thud. Alex's expression is one of wonder, not fear.

“It doesn't scare you?” Michael asks.

Alex shrugs. “Not really. I trust you.”

“I don't understand how you're not more...disturbed.”

“You know I'm a sci-fi nerd, right?” Alex smiles. “So maybe I've only seen aliens or...telekinesis on TV and in books, and it wasn't real, but it doesn't feel brand new to me. And I've had time to imagine a wide range of things in the last few weeks.”

“You've been wondering if I'm an alien for that long? And you didn't say anything?”

“I barely saw you,” Alex shrugs.

“Right,” Michael bites his lip. “I haven't really been picking up extra shifts.”

“I figured.”

“You did? I'm sorry I lied. But there's...a lot, and some of it isn't really mine to tell.”

“I understand that,” Alex nods. “I'd really like to know as much as possible though, especially if I'm going to stop my father from executing his plans, whatever they are.”

“Let me get us more coffee, then,” Michael says. Alex nods, so he stands up and, just for the sake of it, levitates both of their mugs instead of taking them in his hands.

“I wish I could do that when I’m on crutches,” Alex mutters behind his back. Michael snorts without looking at him. He’s not sure, yet, if he’s relieved that Alex now knows, or if it’s going to be an added source of stress. Isobel is probably going to kill him. Although he can always tell her that Alex figured it out on his own−it is, after all, the truth. Michael is not sure that will calm her down at all.

Then he remembers that Isobel is in stasis in a pod, fighting for her life while Liz tries to make her an antidote. He groans.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asks, and Michael realizes that he’s stopped short on the way to the kitchen.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head. He needs to figure out what he can tell Alex of this whole mess. He doesn’t want to hide his fear for Isobel anymore, but he can’t imagine telling Alex about Rosa. Not yet.

He fills their mugs from the still warm pot on the counter, and comes back to find Alex popping a couple of pills out of the bottle he noticed earlier.

“Painkillers,” Alex confirms his suspicion with a grimace, rinsing them down with a sip of coffee. Michael sits back down beside him, folding his leg under him. He’s glad Alex isn’t trying to hide his pain, though his tense posture makes him want to give him a massage or something. He’s not sure that would even help.

“Does this happen often?” he asks instead, curiosity getting the better of him.

“What?”

“Slow days.”

Alex shrugs and bites his lip. “It’s hard to draw a line between good and bad days,” he says. “If I walk too much, or wear the prosthesis for too long, I sometimes need to rest my leg for a day or so.”

“I was thinking of the pain,” Michael clarifies.

“Oh.” Alex hesitates, shifting and taking another sip of his coffee. “It’s, um...it’s worse some days than others. If I overdo it, and...sometimes for no reason.”

“Like today?”

“Yes. Phantom pain is pretty much random. It’s never really not there, but it’s usually manageable.”

“How did I miss it?” Michael wonders aloud. He’s no stranger to pain, even chronic pain, though his hand only hurts when he tries to use it actively, for the most part. His eyes fall to the scars covering his fingers.

“I guess we mostly saw each other casually?” Alex says. “It’s not like we’re living together.”

Michael bites his lip. “I’m sorry I didn’t−” he starts.

“I didn’t tell you,” Alex stops him. “I didn’t show you. I don’t usually advertise it.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

Alex smiles, and cups Michael’s face with one hand. “I’m glad you’re here,” he says. “I almost just canceled today.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. You shouldn’t be ashamed of being in pain.”

Alex makes an aborted motion with his hand, like he wants to say something, but he shakes his head and sits up a little straighter, wincing. “So, tell me about this alien thing.”

Michael can recognize the yearning in his voice, the wish to change the subject to something that will take his mind off the pain, so he obeys. He tells Alex everything he can, about the differences in their biology−how they only really knew about the acetone, until Liz came along and tested Max’s blood−, about coming out of pods fifty years after the crash with no memories, about making a pact never to tell anyone. He leaves out Rosa, and Isobel’s current predicament, but only for now, he promises himself. Until he’s had the opportunity to really think about it, to talk with Max, maybe. He wishes he could hash it out with Isobel, but she’s not going to give him any brilliant ideas from the inside of her pod.

At Alex’s prompting−“I want to know about you, Guerin”−he speaks about the foster families, about finding Isobel and Max again, and even about his obsession with spaceships. “I have a bunker, under my trailer,” he says. “I’ll show you, someday.” When you’re feeling better, he doesn’t say. He can feel that Alex wouldn’t appreciate it right now.

Alex’s quiet, heartfelt “thank you for telling me all this,” when Michael falls quiet, feels like a larger step in their relationship than “I never look away,” or even the “I love you” that’s escaped both of them in the dark, in bed. And sitting here cuddling in the cabin’s old leather couch, Alex’s tension slowly melting away as the painkillers take effect, there’s a stronger connection between them than there has been in the last ten years of cosmic, heartbreaking pining from afar and wordless sex.

3.

“You're trying to leave the planet.” Alex's voice comes out flat, emotionless. That's how his body is, the more violent the storm in his head, the calmer he appears outwardly.

When he's with someone else, anyway.

His instinct is to run, find somewhere safe and secluded where he can break down. Michael is looking at him like nothing's wrong, like he didn't just tell him something world-changing, and of course it isn't for him, is it, it's been his project all along, he was never going to−

Alex swallows around the bubbling dread growing in him.

“It's nowhere near finished,” Michael says, gesturing at the alien glass in front of them, and any remaining hope Alex might have had that he's wrong is crushed. “I'm still missing a lot of pieces.”

“Of course,” Alex murmurs, thinking of the piece that's sitting in his backpack right now.

He'll need to give it to Michael, of course. He re-centers himself around that thought. It works, it always works, thinking of what he needs to do for other people, to calm down the anguish. His feelings don't matter. The piece of the ship belongs to Michael, and he deserves to have it. He deserves to see his projects come to completion.

Even if it means he'll leave forever. After all, Alex deserves nothing else. The last few months, navigating their new relationship, gave him a fool's hope, but how could he ever be good enough for someone like Michael? For a beautiful, gentle alien genius? Him, a flawed, broken human?

He'll give Michael the piece of alien glass. And then…

No, he can't think about that. There is no then. Whatever happens next will be in Michael's hands only.

Alex won't run. He won't walk away so he doesn't get hurt, not this time. Because if he can let anyone hurt him−

Might as well be you.

“There's a storm coming,” he scrambles for something to say, Michael's gaze on him too much to handle. “We shouldn't stay here.”

“We could,” Michael shrugs. “This is a storm shelter.”

Alex looks around him, swallowing hard. He'll stand by his decision, but he can't bear to look at the console. He can't be stuck here for hours with the reminder that all Michael wants is to leave.

“No,” he shakes his head.

“This is where I sleep during storms,” Michael insists, gesturing to a cot in a corner, covered with stacks of papers and books. “The Airstream's not safe, even with my powers.”

“It's cold down here,” Alex says, using the first excuse in his mind. It's true. It's cold enough that he's stuck his hands in his pockets and his fingers are still aching. It's also dusty, despite Michael's clear effort to keep the place clean. Grimacing, Alex takes his right hand out of his pocket to check the time on his phone. “We could go to my place,” he says. “We still have enough time to drive over.” The last thing he wants is to be snowed in the bunker during a storm.

His brain is still shouting at him to run, to get away from this place and Michael before he breaks down. Especially with the storm coming. It's going to be a rough few hours.

But then, if he's going to open up to Michael, he might as well do it all the way.

Michael watches him searchingly for a moment, then nods. “Alright,” he says. “If you want.”

The drive there in Alex's SUV is silent and awkward, in a way they haven't been with each other in weeks. Alex is hyper aware of the console piece in his backpack behind his seat, and Michael periodically fidgets with his hands like he wants to say something. He keeps massaging the crooked fingers of his left hand like they hurt.

Alex feels the way his stump protests against the pressure as he pushes on the pedals, the soreness not just around the skin but deep in the bones of his leg. He rolls his shoulder, a long healed injury−from the same night as Michael's hand, he thinks absently−aching from the cold and humidity.

“Is it the storm?” he asks Michael.

“Um?”

“Your hand is hurting. Is it because of the weather?”

Michael nods. “How do you know?”

“Leg's aching too. And I've had my fair share of broken bones that still act up sometimes,” Alex shrugs.

Michael watches him, inscrutable, and they fall silent again. Alex gives up on trying to find something to talk about and focuses on the road. He's too unsettled to keep pretending, and Michael isn't helping.

When he pulls up in front of the cabin, the wind has picked up and it's raining. Alex drives the car as close as possible to shelter. It's not going to be a huge storm, but it's coming down on them fast, and the forecast predicted snow. He takes a deep breath before opening his car door and limp-running to the cabin.

Michael follows him, and he has the door unlocked and open before Alex can put his key in the lock. Alex feels a spike of annoyance. Is that how it's going to be now? Is every proof of Michael's alienness going to bother him, because it reminds him that Michael doesn't want to be here?

He's shivering as he makes it inside. The temperature drop was sudden, and the cabin isn't much warmer than the outside. Michael closes the door behind them and shakes himself like a wet dog. Alex would snort out loud if the laughter didn't catch in his throat.

“We cut it pretty close, I think,” Michael says. “At least we didn't get drenched.”

Alex doesn't answer, bending to take off his shoes. He doesn't like to wear his prosthetic without them, but they would just drag water and mud everywhere. He's careful with his balance as he stands back up.

“Alex,” Michael puts a hand on his shoulder when he moves to go somewhere else−anywhere else. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” Alex shakes his head. “I'm fine.”

Michael ignores his answer. “Is it pain? Or is it something I did?”

Alex blinks. Michael actually has no idea what hearing his plans did to him.

Wordlessly, Alex opens his bag, and pulls out the console piece. He looks at it for a second, the shimmering surface as mesmerizing as ever, then he puts it down on the table. The glass make a thud hitting the wood, but Michael doesn't move, watching him with his mouth open.

Alex closes his eyes and looks away before Michael can say anything. He walks over to his bedroom, leaving the door open.

He hesitates. Removing his prosthesis would relieve at least some of the pain he's in, but it will also make him far less mobile. He might need to go outside, if something gets knocked over by the wind, or go down to the storm shelter underneath the cabin.

He hates storms. He's grateful to be home, at least, not down in Michael's bunker or on the road. He reminds himself that Michael can move just about anything with his mind, and the storm shouldn't be bad enough to put the cabin at risk. He's just done removing his leg and putting sweat pants on when he looks up to see Michael standing in the door frame, without the console piece.

“Where did you find it?” he asks.

“Here,” Alex shrugs. “Jim Valenti had it. I don't know how he got it and why he hid it here. I figured it was probably alien, but I didn't know what it was until today.”

Michael doesn't ask why Alex didn't show it to him before. He just stands there, the tension between them thick and suffocating.

Thunder claps outside, and Alex freezes. For an instant, his brain flashes back to another desert, another small house in the middle of nowhere, that one made of clay. The claps of gunshots. He shivers and wraps his arms around his middle, still sitting on his bed.

“You okay?” Michael asks, frowning.

Alex nods, without looking at him. He's probably not very convincing, but it's all he's got, when his brain can't make string words together.

“Can I touch you?”  

Michael took two steps closer while Alex was trying to hold on to the present, his feet now only inches from Alex's. Alex scrambles back onto the bed before he realizes what he's doing.

“Hey, it's okay,” Michael steps back immediately, raising his hand in a gesture of peace. “I'm staying right there, okay?”

“I'm fine,” Alex mutters, but it seems less credible every time he says it. He backs up against the headboard and pulls his legs up to his chest, though it's a terrible position without his prosthesis, where he has to hold his residual limb in place. He knows he's ridiculous.

Lightning illuminates the dimly-lit room briefly. Alex can't bring himself to look at Michael, his presence both anchoring and humiliating. He tries to concentrate on his breathing instead. In. Out. Count backwards. Twenty, nineteen, eighteen. Crack. Fuck. He ducks his head between his knees, as gunfire echoes in his ears. There's not even a visual, this time. Just the sounds.

He yelps when he feels a hand on his arm.

“Alex!”

Dammit. Michael is sitting beside him on the bed, probably trying to pull him out of it. Alex forces himself to breathe deeply. He's in his cabin. Michael switched on the light in the bedroom, and it's a little easier to keep his focus. There's no danger, everything's fine. Alex curses his brain again. This is the worst time for a panic attack.

Shaking himself, he scoots over a little and pats the space beside him for Michael to come closer. “Sorry,” he murmurs.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Michael says. “Do you need anything?”

“I'm not a fan of storms,” Alex admits.

“That's alright. I used to hate them,” Michael answers.

“You don't anymore?”

Michael shrugs. “If I don't have to be in my truck, I don't.”

“Oh.” Alex didn't think of that. He still doesn't know how long Michael lived in his truck for, exactly, but he can't think of a good way to ask.

It pulls him out of his panic, though. By the noise of the wind hurling at the windows, the storm isn't going away anytime soon. He can't keep getting pulled into flashbacks. He needs a game plan.

He extends his legs in front of him, slowly, only now noticing how cold he is. The tension between him and Michael is still there, but not as strong−mostly because Alex doesn't have the focus to maintain it. He moves to get under the blankets, and Michael follows, raising an eyebrow.

“I'm cold,” Alex shrugs. It doesn't answer Michael's implied question−it's the middle of the day, so lying in bed is not the most obvious activity they could be doing.

“Are we huddling for warmth?” Michael asks, amused.

Alex sticks out his tongue at him, too frazzled to think of a better comeback. Michael laughs.

“I can get you something warm to drink,” he says.

Alex shakes his head and pulls him closer instead. Michael's skin is warm as always, and Alex wonders idly if that has to do with him being an alien. He forbids his brain from going down that train of thought.

At the next bolt of lightning, Alex starts counting. He does it under his breath, but Michael picks it up and mouths the numbers with him. Five, six, seven. Thunder claps again, but this time, he's ready. He only flinches a little.

“You good?” Michael asks.

“Yeah, I think,” Alex says, and this time he's sincere.

Michael opens his mouth and closes it again, like he's keeping himself from saying something. He worries at his lip for a moment, before Alex decides to break the tension. If he doesn't, it's just going to fester.

“Whatever it is, you can say it,” he says.

He expects questions about his PTSD, but that's not what's on Michael's mind. “Why did you react so strongly to the console? Compared to me being an alien, it's nothing.”

Alex shakes his head. “I just… You don't want to be here.”

“That's not what I said,” Michael frowns.

“You want to go to space,” Alex says, pulling away from him. He cradles the blankets tighter to his body, but it doesn't compensate for Michael's warmth. “You want to leave.”

Michael looks lost. “I do. But it's not the same thing as not wanting to be here.”

“How is it not?”

Michael considers him for a moment, biting his lip. “It used to be the same,” he says slowly, holding a hand up when Alex opens his mouth. Alex nods curtly, letting him speak. “Look, before we knew each other, and then the whole time you were gone...I didn't have anything to look forward to here, you know? No parents, and I love Max and Isobel but they have their own lives, better adjusted than mine. They see their future here on Earth, as humans. But I never did. I always knew I didn't belong, that I wasn't wanted here.”

Alex looks away in shame. I wasn't wanted here. However much he didn't want to, he knows he contributed to this. They were two lost souls who found each other, in high school. Alex enlisted to protect Michael, but in the process, he also left him alone. And he knows that feeling all too well. I wasn't loved, he told Kyle not so long ago. He's never had someone to stay for, before Michael.

“I understand,” he says, even if it tears him apart. Michael deserves to have his own dreams. Alex can't give him what he's looking for. He can't give him a home, a place where he belongs. He can't give back what Michael's already given him.

“No, no, I wasn't finished,” Michael says hurriedly. Alex's eyes snap back to him. “It's not how I feel anymore. I still want to maybe find my people, or build the ship so I have the option to explore the universe. But I don't want to leave.”

“What's changed?”

“You, silly.” Michael flicks a hand on Alex's shoulder. “You came back. You're here, and you somehow still want me.”

Alex stares at him for a moment, uncomprehendingly, but the warmth spreading in his chest definitely doesn't come from the still-dropping temperature. He smiles, suddenly feeling shy.

“I do,” he murmurs. “I don't want either of us to leave.”

“Neither do I,” Michael responds in kind.

Alex shifts closer to him, sticking his cold hands under Michael's warm body. “Still cold?” Michael asks, his grin turning flirty.

“Uh huh,” Alex nods.

“Come here, then.”

When the thunder rolls again, quieter and further away this time, Alex doesn't flinch at all.

+1

“You're awake!”

Michael is far too cheerful, elbowing his way into the bedroom with a tray in his hands. Alex rubs his eyes and forces himself to sit up in bed, fatigue warring with the need to move. He didn't manage to get up when Michael did, and he was in and out of consciousness while Michael sang off-key in the shower, then whistled some random song in the kitchen while, apparently, making breakfast. The tray is overflowing, too small to contain the large plate of pancakes, the syrup, coffee for two and an orange juice bottle. Alex is pretty sure Michael is balancing it all with telekinesis.

“What is this?” he asks, yawning.

“Breakfast in bed!”

The tray lands, seemingly on its own, on the empty side of the bed, then seconds later it is joined by Michael, in sweats and socks, after he's fully opened the window blinds. Alex blinks against the light and feels Buffy, the five-year-old beagle he's been fostering for a few months, climb onto the bed as well, settling her head on his foot.

“Hey girl,” Alex murmurs, scratching her back, before he turns back to Michael. “I can see that. But why?”

“Do we really need a reason? We both have the day off, so why not?”

Alex raises a doubtful eyebrow.

“Okay, I could tell you weren't feeling so hot last night, and I wanted you to take it easy this morning, that's all,” Michael admits. “You've been working so hard on Project Shepard the last few months, you deserve some down time now that it's over.”

It's true, Alex has to give him that. He's been working every night on dismantling his father's work, often late, on top of his day job at the base for five months. They had drinks to celebrate the official end of all sanctioned and unsanctioned military operations concerning aliens two days ago, as well as Max's return to work after a long recovery from actual resurrection. Alex has been feeling under the weather ever since, though the flu-like symptoms are probably just the physical manifestation of his fatigue.

He still frowns at the pancakes, not completely satisfied.

“You keep making all these gestures, do things for me, and I don't know what you want in return,” he says.

Michael has been spending more and more time at the cabin lately, enough that he now has his own toothbrush and his own drawer in Alex's closet. They had a rough patch after Michael lost both his just-found mother and his brother in the same twenty-four hours. Alex still blames himself for some of that, for not planning better and anticipating his family's cruelty, but they both fought the pain and the weight of their past and their relationship somehow held through.

“Someone once told me that people can be nice to each other for no reason sometimes,” Michael answers.

Alex smiles to hear his own words said back at him, more than a decade later. “You've been doing a lot,” Michael continues. “Most of it for me and my family.”

“I needed to do it for myself, too,” Alex interrupts him, thinking of his father, still recovering from the head wound Kyle gave him, and now hopefully harmless to anyone Alex cares about.

“Anyway, we both deserve some time just for us,” Michael finishes.

“Doesn't time for us mean we're supposed to do things together? Rather than you making breakfast for me?” Alex asks.

“It means we're supposed to do things that we enjoy,” Michael says. “I thrive on taking care of people. But Max won't let me help him, I think Isobel is starting to like you more than me, and you're too independent to let me in. I need someone!”

Alex laughs.

“Okay, I could let you take care of me,” he says.

“I know you don't like it.”

“It's not that I don't like it, exactly. It's...complicated. I want to prove that I can take care of myself, I don't want to depend on someone, even if it's you. And it's−it's hard to let anyone in.”

“You've never had anyone to take care of you,” Michael states.

“Not like that,” Alex bites his lip. “Nurses, doctors...but it's not the same. I don't want you to become my nurse.”

“That's not what I want either,” Michael answers quickly, throwing his hands up. “I love you, and I like taking care of people. That's all.”

That's all. It's not about his disability, it's not about Alex needing to be taken care of. It's about Michael wanting to.

Alex nods, tears coming to his eyes. “Then I'll let you,” he murmurs, pulling Michael closer by his collar. The kiss is sweet and soft, tender. “I love you too.”

“Scoot over,” Michael tells him when they pull apart, with a little shooing hand motion. Alex can't help snorting in laughter. He moves until he's sitting against the headboard, his pillow behind his back. Michael places the tray between them. “Dig in.”

“Okay,” Alex obeys, silently laughing at being ordered around. “As you wish.”

“You've got food in the kitchen if you want,” Michael tells Buffy sternly, catching her paw to keep her from exploring the contents of the tray. The dog licks his face instead, triggering some fake-disgusted noises from Michael. Alex watches them interact with amusement.

His phone beeps with a text from the nightstand and he grabs it, almost reflexively. He yelps when it leaps out of his hand and into Michael's.

“No work,” Michael growls.

“You don't even know if it's work,” Alex raises his eyebrows.

Michael frowns, thinking, then hands him back the phone with a reluctant, “Fine.”

“Here, it's not work,” Alex shows him the screen. “It's the animal shelter. Am I allowed to look?”

“I just want you to relax today,” Michael deflates.

“I know. I promise I will, okay? Look, I'm all relaxed.” Alex spreads his arms and lies his head back against the headboard in a show of relaxation.

Michael chuckles. “Okay, okay,” he raises his hands in defeat. “What does the animal shelter want?”

Alex unlocks his phone to look at the text. “They...oh,” he blurts out, reading.

“Alex?”

“Buffy's adoption papers came through,” Alex says, swallowing back his emotion. He's been waiting for this since falling in love with the older dog at the shelter and bringing her home, days before the Caulfield disaster.

“She's yours?”

Alex nods, putting his phone down. He picks Buffy up from the bed and brings her closer to his face. “You're officially part of the family now, Buffy,” he says. “What do you say?”

Buffy gives his cheek a good lick, and Alex laughs. He looks back at Michael, who has a wide smile on his face. “That's wonderful news!” Michael grins.

The joy in his eyes is as real as it gets, and Alex suddenly knows it's the right time. “We have one more person to adopt, though, Buffy, don't we?” he tells the dog.

Buffy yaps and licks Alex's face again. “That's right,” he says. “Michael, will you move in with us?”

Michael's smile turns into awe, then pure happiness. Careful of the tray still between them, he leans over to hug them both, a tear falling down his cheek. “Yes,” he murmurs. “Of course.”

“Welcome to the family,” Alex whispers in his ear, before cupping his neck and kissing him over Buffy's head.