#everyone who’s gone in my dm’s demanding updates?

[eclipsewxtch]

i hate having to chew out commenters for bugging me for updates but sometimes it is quite literally unavoidable… i made the fic anonymous bc i didn’t want my crush to find my acc i did NOT make it anonymous to be harassed 🫤 im sorry for not appreciating yall (black phone commenters) bc there ARE ppl who act worse im sorry i will never forsake yall again.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

End Game 5

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, stalking, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your gaming buddy asks to meet up but it doesn’t go exactly as planned.

Characters: Andy Barber

Note: 😘

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

There’s another tap on the window. You shake your head, ignoring it. Go away, go away, go away. Another comes, this one louder and you turn, ready to shout at him to leave you alone. Why is he there? Why is he bothering you? 

You spin and stop short. A little boy smiles from just over the little ledge and his dad stands behind him, his hand hovering at the window. You blink and move forward to slide open the glass. As you do, you peer around, searching for the bearded man in his button-up. He’s gone. You think. You hope. 

“Sorry, I was cleaning,” your voice tremors before it evens out, “how can I help you?” 

“What do you want, kiddo?” The man puts his hands on his son’s shoulders, “rocky road?” 

“I want choccy!” The kid demands. 

“Double chocolate or chocolate chip or chocolate brownie?” You prompt, smiling as your eyes continue to rove around, waiting for any glimpse of that man. 

“Double,” his dad answers for him, “I’ll have a scoop of praline and cream.” 

“Sounds great? Bowl or cone?” 

“Sugar cones are fine,” the man replies as he takes out his wallet. 

You go through the transaction on habit alone. The man seems slightly agitated by your twitchiness but still drops a tip in the jar. You thank him and lean out the window to see along the side of the booth. Is he gone? Really gone? 

You can’t shake his shadow. You just can’t believe he would show up like that, then act so casually. Like you’re old friends. You chatted for one year and you didn’t even know who he really was. That’s not a friendship, that’s just strange. 

You don’t close the window. You’re already nervous about having it closed for so long. Your manager takes complaints very seriously and you can’t exactly afford to drop one job when you’re considering a second. 

You check the time. Right. A couple hours. You can make it through. If you see him again, maybe you’ll call the cops. Won’t that be funny to explain? Maybe he could use the humiliation of fessing up to his betrayal. 

You don’t feel better about the back-up plan but at least you have one. Sort of. It all depends on if they even believe you. 

The after-dinner crowd begins to burgeon and you find yourself forgetting the unwanted customer for a whole line of new ones. You scoop and scrape and dish out the flavours with a faulty smile. When you’re through the rush, the tip jar is close to full. At least you had a fruitful night. 

You hope that the locals scared Andy away. Or your reaction. You don’t think he came all that way expecting that. Surely, he wouldn’t bother if he thought you were just going to turn him away. Yet why would he expect anything else? 

You really don’t understand. 

As your shift comes to an end, you’re anxious to lock up. Leaving is another matter. You can’t help but look over your shoulder as you twist the key from outside. You turn your back to the wall and wearily wade through the dark. You won’t be caught off guard again. 

You take a different route than usual. You don’t know why but it seems like a clever idea. You keep in the sheen of the street lights. You keep your phone in your hand just in case. You remember all those precautionary safety presentations they had on campus about walking home alone. 

You let out a sigh as you reach your street. Your grandmother’s house sits nestled behind the overgrown walnut tree. You feel safer in sight of it.  

You slow as you sense something off. There’s a car you don’t recognise. An SUV that doesn’t fit in the neighbourhood. He wouldn’t be there. Then you think of the flowers. He knows where you live. 

Your name makes you yipe as a shadow emerges from the silver vehicle. Your feet tangle and you stumble. Keep going or go back. Either way won’t be an escape. You stop and face him wide-eyed. 

“Please, leave me alone,” you beg. 

“Honey, please, I’m not here to do anything but apologise,” Andy strides across the street and you can’t help but shy away. “Won’t you just hear me out?” 

“No, I told you--” 

“And I sat and listened. Don’t you think you owe me the same courtesy?” He insists. 

“But-- I already told you, Andy, what you did--” 

“I know what I did,” he breathes, “I think about it constantly. Every second of every minute of every day. I think of you and I can’t get you out of my head because I know it was wrong. I can’t stand that I hurt you so bad. You don’t deserve that. After everything you’ve gone through--” 

“I only told you those things because I thought you were someone else,” you hiss, “I can’t... I can’t forget the lies. I can’t move on, alright? And honestly, I don’t think we have much in common. We’re in different places.” 

“That didn’t matter before. We got along--” 

“Because you--- you were pretending to be a teenager,” you bluster, “how old are you? Can’t you see how insane this all is?” 

He winces and his jaw ticks. In the glint of the streetlight, his eyes sockets are dark pools and his broad shoulders seem even wider, his figure even taller. You lean back on your heel and sway, looking towards you grandmother’s house. 

“It’s not... I never meant to hurt you.” 

“You did,” you shrug, “Andy, I don’t know you and you don’t know me. We were just gaming, shooting the shit, that’s whatever. The best thing you can do is get help. Talk to someone.” 

“I want to talk to you,” he says. 

“A professional,” you insist, “I’m nineteen. I can’t help you.” 

“But you did,” he snips. 

“Not how you need to be helped, okay? I’m asking you to stop. Go. It’s over. It never really was. I was friends with Jacob, not Andy. You chose that.” 

He hangs his head and heaves. You stand in silence. Slowly, you sidestep and flinch as he mirrors you. He reaches for you and you back away from him. He retracts and pushes his fingers through his hair. 

“Sorry, sorry, I just...” he croaks, “honey,” that word, again, “if I get help, will you talk to me? If I go, get some pills or something, will you just give me a chance?” 

You huff and shake your head, “Andy, there’s lots of people online you can game with. People your own age. Maybe you should try the discord--” 

“No, not them. You.” 

“Andy,” you plead, “I’m... no. No. You can’t do this. You can’t just show up and make me listen. You can’t send me flowers and come to my work and force me to be your friend. Alright? That’s not... healthy.” 

“I wanna be better. For you. That’s what I’m telling you,” he steps closer until you’re against the prickly hedges. “I wanna do everything for you. I can make your life so much better. Honey, don’t you want that? Don’t you want someone who wants you? For once?” 

You’re quiet, stunned by the insinuation, of the truth in it. 

“That’s cruel,” you whisper. 

“I don’t mean—not like that. I only, I’m trying to show you what I can give you--” 

“I don’t want anything from you,” you sniffle, “or anything to do with you. Can’t you get that through your head?” 

He staggers back as if he’s been struck. He shakes his head and stammers, “what-- why? Why not?” 

You blink, long and hard. How many times do you need to repeat yourself? You roll your eyes and turn on your heel. You brace yourself for him to follow but he doesn’t. 

His shadow looms just along the edge of your peripheral and as you turn into your grandma’s yard, you glance back. He watches you but stays where he is. He just stands there. You shiver and raise your phone, lighting up the screen, hoping he gets the idea. You could call the police. 

He takes a step back then pivots sharply. He crosses the street back to the SUV and the door slams behind him. You jump in your shoes and quickly scramble up the walkway to your grandma’s front door. You’re hoping that’s the last time you have to tell him to go away. Next time, you might just have to be mean about it. 

🎮

You try to sleep. It comes in shallow spurts that leave you more and more tired. You don’t have a shift, thank god, but you’re also not so grateful to be left without distraction. You give in to futility as the sun peers in between your curtains and you groan at the dull weight in your temples. 

You creep out quietly to make a coffee. Just instant powder so the machine doesn’t wake your grandma. You go back to your room and sit in a groggy daze, waking yourself with the warmth of each sip. You sigh out and hang your head. 

There was enough to figure out a week ago. Now, you don’t know how many problems you truly have. You’re not so certain last night got the point across, especially after the first two times didn’t work. Third time’s the charm, right? Besides, how much effort are you really worth? 

You can’t just sit still. Your eyes keep itching to look at your Switch, a now cursed item in your collection. You finish the coffee and change out of your pajamas into a pair of sweats and faded tee. You’ll catch up on some chores, keep yourself busy and grandma happy. Besides, you’re not brave enough to venture outside just yet. 

You grab your head phone and pop them over your ears and search through your phone for your cleaning playlist. You’ll start with the living room. Give it a sweep and a mop, wait until grandma’s up to do the vacuuming. Dishes next and the kitchen. Scour the fridge for the forgot produce in the back and take out the trash. You have more than enough to do. 

You wipe off the end tables then the coffee table, sorting the clutter and clearing the trash. You dust the television and the shelves of knickknacks and the ornamental fireplace against the wall. No matter what you do, there’s always a slightly dingy smell to the place. 

When the living room is decent, you move into the kitchen. You turn up your music and drown out the house around you. Dishes, floors, cupboards, cobwebs... You feel the effort in your muscles as you stretch out the kinks from your pitiful sleep. 

You’re entirely obliviously to the existence of others until your grandmother appears with a scowl, pinching your arm as she glowers in her house robe. You glance at the time. You’ve been at it for a few hours. You pull your headphones off your ears and pause your music with a tap of the button on the cord. 

“Oh, morning, do you want some coffee?” You offer. 

She’s unimpressed by your efforts as she crosses her arms. It is kind of early for her to be up. Her nostrils flare as she sniffs. 

“You better make a full pot for your visitor,” she sneers. 

You blink at her and scoff, not understanding her, “visitor?” 

Her eyes are narrowed and her lip curls, “the one who’s been pounding on my door while you’ve been listening to your racket.” She jabs an ear of your headphones, “damn woke me up.” 

“I don’t... who?” 

“Says you knew his son. The dead one,” she shakes her head, “sad, I suppose.” 

You stare at her. You hear movement in the front room, just on the other side of that wall. You glance through the archway and see a shadow shift. She’s not lying. How else would she know? 

“What did he tell you?” You breathe. 

“More than you, eh,” she snaps, “what are you doing gaping at me like a fish, I need a damn coffee. Too early for this nonsense. A dead kid, some stranger in my front room... what trouble are you getting into?” 

“N-nothing, grandma, I don’t... get him out of here. I don’t know him--” 

“He knows you. Knows your name. Says you and his boy were at school together. ‘Splains the flowers, I guess. Condolences, not that you cared, did ya?” She shakes her head, “you always were off in your own little world. Well, I’m not doin’ your dirty work for ya. You ain’t gonna be your mother if I can help it so you want him gone, you tell him you didn’t give a damn about that dead one.” 

You frown. You don’t understand why she’s so callous. She’s never shown any concern about anything but her books. It’s not your fault your parents didn’t want you. Or that she doesn’t either. You only ever begged for her attention, for a sliver of her approval. 

You blow out between your lips. You won’t argue. There’s no use in it. Besides, it’s a small house, you know he heard all that, that he knows you’re on your own. Maybe that’s why he came all this way. Because he knows you have nothing. 

[grandhotelabyss]

A free excerpt from behind the paywall of my novel Major Arcana, Part One, Chapter 4, "Out of Time."

She kept an Instagram account for the store updated at least once a week with enticing photos and descriptions  of new arrivals, and she followed everyone back who followed her. She kept her eye on the DMs for business inquiries, but she inevitably found either obscene demands (“tits or GTFO,” “feet?”) or, still more obscene to her mind, messages deploring her because she had not issued this political statement or that, which she never did, since she wasn’t one for the news either, being, as she’d been informed by her uninvited ethical tutors, a “privileged bitch.” 

She did see a meme in the feed one day, however—the day after Jakey’s funeral in fact. Though she’d guessed that it had been meant as a dark joke, like most memes she ran into, commiseration in shared suffering and a shared laugh from some despairing boy in some suburban basement who couldn’t get laid (is that why Jakey had despaired? no, he was surely too young, or had been too young, young or old as he’d ever be, to have worried about that). Instead of giving her a grim chuckle at the often unspoken truth, however, this meme so succinctly but also strangely and beautifully expressed what she thought of as her dilemma that she, who had not cried at her son’s viewing or his funeral, began to shake and sob right there behind the counter, beneath the encyclopedia set, in her mercifully empty shop.  The meme showed a little blonde girl, five or six years old. She looked dutifully into the camera, squinting or wincing more than she was smiling, a look more of apprehension and resolution than childish cheer.  Above an expanse of grass behind her reared the old skyline of the city she somehow thought, even now, that she would eventually somehow run away to, the skyline as it had been for the whole last quarter of the last century, commanded by those two columns, those giant bars of glass challenging the sky, proclaiming the dominion of man, of commerce, of America, for better and for worse, over the face of the earth.  In the grass between the little girl and the Twin Towers lay what appeared to be a couple indistinct on the old pre-digital film, too far away to see, but probably laughing, probably staring with new lovers’ inexhaustible appetite and fascination into one another’s eyes. The sky was clear but somehow ominous—probably the meme artist had with some digital tool or other exercised poetic license—not quite blue as a clear calm sky is blue, like the sky that Tuesday morning over two decades ago had been, but storm-darkened halfway to an electric indigo.  The color reminded her of when a pleasant dream slowly curdles to a nightmare. You’re in the car with your father; you’re on your way to a party; it’s a sunny day. Then it’s not sunny anymore; he turns his eyes from the road to face you; those black marbles aren’t his eyes; that man is not your father; a party, you somehow understand, is certainly not where you’re going. In this purply unnatural monsoon sky above the girl, the couple, and the Towers, the meme artist had typed, in a typewriter font evocative of the middle 20th century, the slogan: The world you were raised to survive in no longer exists. Whatever it meant exactly—whatever political message the mememeister had intended—she thought it described her problem exactly. She could have been that girl on that day. Over a long weekend when she was a girl, her mother had taken her on a Greyhound to the city shortly after her father left. They’d shopped and dined and gone to museums; they got dressed up and went to see Miss Saigon. How could it be that she was 38 and had already lost so much?

And not to spill the magician's secrets, but one formal principle of the novel, which is set between the 1970s and the present, is that its temporality is always hazy, floating, dreamy, you never quite know exactly what year the characters are in—except that both 9/11 and the pandemic are constantly alluded to, as the brutal tears in/of 21st-century reality, history's nails on which humanity has been hung.

[hoverdreamer]

Emergency Commissions!!!! (Final Update: January 1st, 2023; Closed!)

FINAL UPDATE:

Sorry for the long silence, it’s been hard to make this post with the state of my old laptop. It’s been a long road, but we’re finally doing alright! We recovered from covid, got jobs, and now everyone has moved out of the house we were in. I can’t thank those of you who helped out by commissioning, donating, and reblogging enough. While I am closing all commissions for now (I’m getting a desktop computer I can draw on in soon), my regular-priced commissions will make a return this year! I still have a few emergency commissions to post (including a big one for my bf that I’m still finishing, bless him for his patience) but otherwise am over this hurdle. The original details of the post will be under the cut. Wishing you all a wonderful new year! c:

I’ll keep this as short as possible: I just recovered from covid, but (although it doesn’t seem any of them caught it from me) the vast majority of my household now also tested positive. My mom has MS and couldn’t work even beforehand, and my brother is the only one with any sort of reliable income at the moment. I have a job interview in a few days, but our bills are past due and utilities could shut off at any time. A room in our basement flooded with sewage and contractors have been in and out of the house basically ripping up the whole basement... it’s just been a lot. 

My sibling and I are opening emergency commissions to see if we can help make ends meet this month (his post is here, check out his tiered commissions!). Any donations would also be appreciated, but I will draw something for anyone who gives $5 USD or more. If for whatever reason I don’t feel comfortable drawing what you’d like to request, let’s talk over what I can draw for you instead! Please DM me or email me at tks.fritz@gmail.com for questions or to communicate what you’d like! I can also accept e-transfers, though I’ll need prior communication so I can give you the correct email! Thank you so much for reading! 

Paypal: tks.fritz@gmail.com 

Some sample art (more available at my art blog, @potetheart​): 

UPDATE: My mom made a gofundme page, please consider reading more here! 

UPDATE 2: 

This morning our car got t-boned in an intersection and no longer goes. This also means that our secondary (read: should always have been primary) source of income is gone, as well as our main access to groceries. I am still unemployed and waiting to hear back from a couple of jobs, but am practically helpless from my end. I’m still working on a few commissions, but if you’re able to help in any way my family and I would greatly appreciate it. 

UPDATE 3: 

A lot has happened over the past month, including another covid case, but now a few of us are employed (though I won’t actually be working for another week or two). While I’m not convinced that we’re on solid ground yet, I am feeling more hopeful thanks to the generous donations and commissions we’ve received so far. Once my job starts up I won’t have quite as much time to dedicate to doing commissions (and if the demand gets too high I’ll shut them off and update this post) but for now it’s still about the only thing I can do, so if you can and are willing to commission me or my sibling (see the link to his post above in the main part of the post) we’d love to draw you something! If you’d just like to help, my paypal is above the pictures in this post and my mom’s gofundme is below them, but you can contact me to get a picture out of it too! 

[kryptsune]

Hmm, if you need help I'm willing to give you a helping hand. Just say the word and I'll do my best. ^-^

🌼It’s just hard... as the days go on I am sinking further into a depressive unmotivated state. People constantly come to my dms and demand updates on things or are looking for new content. I am not a machine. I am a human being. I have feelings and the bottom line is that so few people even give me the motivation to continue any of this work. I am tired of being treated like an abused dog that does tricks for 0 treats. It’s depressing. 

People will just flock to other creators anyway so why should I even keep continuing what I am doing? People don’t take the time to support it (I am not saying everyone but the majority) and expect me to just do what they want. I am tired... I am depressed...I feel like even when I am happy with something most people aren’t bothered to give a damn. 

I’m sorry but when you don’t support your creators this is what happens. Who would actually care if I was gone... if I didn’t post anything anymore. That’s how low I feel right now over all of this. 

[bijackkellys]

thunderstruck ; part one

lazarus, or the return of jack kelly

Fandom: Newsies (All Media Types) Relationships: Jack Kelly/David Jacobs/Katherine Plumber Pulitzer Word Count: 1,651 Dedications: a huge shoutout to my gf, beta reader, and number one fan @mistyw273​, and to @dimenovelcowboy​ for supporting me endlessly. tag list (if you’d like to be added to this list just send me an ask or dm!): @santa-fe-maniac​ @pulitzers-world​ @yo-let-me-get-a-milkyway​ @verified-dumbass​ @jewishdavidjacobs​ @agentsnickers​ @thetruthabouttheboy​ Author’s Note: hey readers! i want to start by saying thank you so much for all the support and interest so far—i was honestly not expecting to get so much feedback with just the introduction but i'm really thrilled so many people are here for the ride! i figured i would go ahead and put part one up; this is the only back-to-back update i'll be doing, but i wanted to have more than the prologue out there. from this point forward i'm going to try bi-weekly updates on tuesdays and fridays (that's tentative and subject to change depending on how things carry on, though!). again, thank you for your interest and i really really appreciate the feedback, it honestly means the world to me. with that, let's get on with part one! 

read it on ao3

five months later.

JACK DOESN’T KNOW WHEN he started running, and doesn’t know where to stop.

Right now the world is this hazy, deafening thing. The streets loop endlessly around him, too bright and too loud, a mix of over-saturated colors and sounds he can’t pull apart. In the middle of it all he feels as if he’s drowning. He’s drugged up to his eyes, this much he can tell—there’s little else that he’s aware of, though, except for his feet pounding against the pavement and this base, animalistic instinct in the back of his brain telling him to go. To run and run and keep running. 

So he does. Buildings and road signs and people dissolve into background noise as he tears through the streets. Someone is after him; as disoriented as he is, he’s sure of it, and it’s that hot rush of fear that keeps him going more than anything else. A spike of adrenaline pushing him forward. 

Maybe he’s lost them miles ago, but it’s not until the moment he thinks his legs will give out underneath him that he collapses against the back wall of an alleyway, sputtering for a breath. His lungs burn and he feels dizzy, but Jack pushes past the blurred images in his head and the low ringing in his ears to catalog what he knows. His name is Francis—no. He swallows dryly and starts again. His name is Jack Kelly. He’s eighteen, maybe nineteen, now, depending on how much time has passed. He’s an art student, and a superhero, and there was a fire, and then—

And then everything fills up with static and the feeling of hands on his skin and this harsh, chemical smell. His stomach turns. 

Jack hates feeling like this, like he’s been separated from his own thoughts. The lack of control that comes with the clouded figures where his memories should be is enough to make him vulnerable in a way he hasn’t felt in years, exposed like a copper wire that’s been stripped of its casing. 

And the current—that’s gone altogether. There are silver cuffs biting into the skin of his wrists; the seam that held them together is broken along a jagged edge, but the slim band of green light lining them means they’re still suppressing his powers. Jack aches for the buzz of electricity to come back, needs them off. He twists his hands desperately and in doing so, makes his drug-addled brain suddenly aware of a cold piece of metal clenched in his fist.

He opens his palm. It’s a flash drive. His mind dredges up a fuzzy memory of ripping it from a computer port in what he thinks might have been a control room. He doesn’t know what it contains, but if he’d held onto it so desperately that it became second nature, then it must be important. He needs to find a computer, he thinks abruptly, and then stands up and immediately sways on his feet. 

Okay—okay. Not yet, maybe. Before that, he needs food and water and rest. He needs the lodging house, except he has no idea where he is, and in the state he’s in, he barely knows which way is up. He needs—he needs to call Crutchie.

Jack is struck suddenly by the overwhelming desire to hear his pseudo-brother’s voice, strong enough that his chest physically hurts from it. It’s been—weeks, maybe? months?—the longest they’ve gone without seeing each other since they were kids. If he can get his hands on a phone and get Crutchie on the line, he thinks, then powerless and drugged or not, he’ll be okay. 

It’s not much of a plan, but it’s a start. All he has to do is find a phone. This is easier said than done, though; there’s still a payphone booth left next to a nearby subway station, rusted from lack of use, but he doesn’t have any money. He’s aware of how he must look, a boy in tattered clothes with cloudy eyes and words slurred together, begging for change. More than one person threatens to call the police. Most of them just push him away. Jack feels his desperation pitching upward quickly, tightening in his throat.

When a stranger finally hands him a few quarters with a wary look, he’s not sure if it’s fear or pity or some combination of the two that makes her do it. He’s grateful all the same. He rushes over to the booth, blood roaring in his ears from the anticipation. His hands are shaking so hard that his fingers stumble over the keypad, but he knows Crutchie’s number by heart, is sure he could dial it in his sleep. It goes to voicemail and Jack shoves the receiver against his ear.

“Crutchie, it’s me—it’s Jack. Please pick up.”

When he slides the second quarter into the slot and calls again, it barely has a chance to ring.

“Jack is dead.” Crutchie’s voice comes through, wavering. Jack almost chokes on his relief.

“I’m not,” he says, and there’s a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line, and then a noise that sounds like a broken sob. 

“No—”

“Crutchie, I’m here. It’s me. I’m not dead.”

“How…”

“I don’t know,” Jack says, truthfully. 

“You—you can’t—fuck, Jack.” And in the middle of everything, Jack is caught off guard because Crutchie almost never swears. There’s a long quiet, broken by just the static-filled sound of Crutchie crying. Jack’s own cheeks are wet. “It’s been five months,” he gasps finally. “I thought—we all thought you died in that fire. Holy shit. Where have you been?”

Jack’s head spins. He hadn’t even realized how much time has passed. Five months...it’s June now, then, and the spring semester of classes is already over, and he’s nineteen, and there’s this gaping chasm of lost time in his head—

“—ck? Jack.” 

He realizes that Crutchie is calling his name abruptly, and Jack blinks, trying to clear his thoughts. “Yeah, I-I’m here. I don’t—everything’s fuzzy, Crutchie, I don’t know what happened, where I’ve been—” His words trip and stumble over each other. “I’m gonna try and find my way back to the lodging house, I’ve just gotta—”

“No, no, wait, you can’t,” Crutchie cuts him off, suddenly fierce. Jack pauses.

“What do you mean?”

His response is quieter this time, tentative. Slow, like he’s walking on his toes. “Jackie...how much do you know about what’s been going on?” 

Dread pools in Jack’s chest, hot and fast. For as long as they’ve known each other, he’s only heard Crutchie sound like this, scared and small and hesitant, a few times before. Something has gone deeply wrong; he knows it in an instant, maybe should have realized it even before now. “What is it, Crutchie?” he demands.

Crutchie takes a shuddering breath. “They said you set the fire,” he says, and Jack’s stomach plummets. “It was all over the news—they said the hospital wasn’t an accident, that Strike—that you—had planned the whole thing, did it on purpose.”

“No...” Jack feels nauseous, dizzy, sure in that moment that he’s going to be sick all over the pavement. His memories of the hospital brim with fear and heat and voices that echo in his skull, and the idea that the public believes he’s the cause of that, of all that death and destruction, hurting innocent people—he can’t stomach it. Doesn’t know how to.

“Jack, people were angry. Really angry. Not just at Strike—there was a whole new anti-super wave, worse than it’s ever been before, and now everyone thinks supers are dangerous and they started... taking people.” Crutchie’s voice goes even lower as Jack feels his heart crawl up into his throat. “They—we call them Snatchers, we think they’re in league with the police—they’ve surrounded the lodging house and swarmed half the city, dragging kids with powers off to someplace called the Refuge.”

Everything goes hot and sharp for a moment, a quick snap of recognition that burns like fire. Jack tastes metal in his mouth, chokes on it. “That’s where I was,” he says hollowly. He knows it even through the fogginess in his head.

“Oh, Jackie,” Crutchie begins, but Jack doesn’t let him finish.

“Are the others—is everyone okay? Race, Specs, Elmer—did they get taken?” The lodging house is a frequent stop for super kids who need a place to spend the night, but the three of them and Jack are the only permanent residents that have powers. If the Snatchers found them, they’d have been dragged off to the same fate that Jack has only just escaped. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Crutchie says yes.

“They’re holed up with Spot in Brooklyn,” Crutchie replies, and Jack lets himself exhale. “I haven’t been talking to them a whole lot, because they’re trying to stay under the radar, but the last time I heard from them, they were okay.” He gives a rattled sort of laugh, devoid of humor and more exhausted than anything. “Shit, Jackie. Everything fell apart without you.”

Jack passes a hand over his face, wants to cry. Wants to scream and tell Crutchie that he’s lost and drowned and terrified, that he feels more helpless than he’s ever been, that for all the time he’s spent playing hero he doesn’t know how to save anyone from this. Instead, though, he sets his jaw. “I’m gonna fix this, Crutchie,” he says, half-promise and half-prayer. He’ll find a way.

“Jack—” Crutchie begins, but what he’s going to say next Jack doesn’t find out. The timer clicks, and there’s a robotic female voice in place of Crutchie’s that tells him the call has timed out. 

The line goes dead and then Jack is alone all over again, the vow he made weighing as heavy as the shackles on his wrists. 

[onlynight-onlylight]

Encounter

Words: 2,6K

Pairing: Jin x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Slice of life, Stranger to lover (?)

Summary: You will never know when and where love comes to you. Moreover when it comes from a perfect man that everyone adores.

Note: I’m surprised myself when writing this short fic of Jin. I didn’t expect the story to be like this haha. I write this for Jin’s birthday which is next week!!! And this is my first time to write after a looooong time so I hope it’s not too awkward.

Dani: Are you free today?

The very first message I check in the morning comes from my best friend. I make sure that today is Saturday before I send a reply.

Me: Yeah. Why?

Dani: I bet you haven’t check the group chat yet. Seonho asks us to meet today, reunion with hidden agenda I guess.

I open an active group chat consists of my high school friends. We actually don’t talk often but we always give each others’ updates to maintain good relationship. I scroll a little bit because everyone is sending message. When I see a picture, I finally understand the hidden agenda Dani’s told me just now. Seonho is getting married. Seonho, my biggest crush during high school.

**

“Are you coming?” Seokyung & Dani are on the way to the café. Some of friends will meet today, for the sake of reunion, and for early celebration of Seonho’s wedding. These girls have been my up and down when trying my best to keep my secret crush hidden. I’ve said to them many times that the silly crush is gone now, but I can’t lie that something does feel strange. And now they unnecessary worry about me.

“Of course. Call me again when you arrive, I’m at the nearby park.”

“Going out with your camera again?”

“Yes. I don’t want to waste a good day like this”

“Okay. Don’t stay under the sun too long”

I walk around the park, following the line of trees. It’s getting warmer as welcoming spring season but sometime the wind is still too cold for me. I take some pictures when find something that catch my eyes. It’s always entertaining to watch people’s interaction. I often sit alone and enjoy the breeze. It helps me clearing my mind when days feel too rough. Sometimes, I get bonus to see beautiful faces for my camera to catch. Just like that one particular man who just walks out from the café. He must be model or actor to have that gorgeous face and perfect proportion.

 I take few pictures of him. I know they will turn out good even though I don’t take its properly. It’s surely not because I’m a good photographer but the object. It makes me smile. It will be nice to get this kind of pictures every time I shoot.

*Dani calling*

It’s time to be back to reality.

 I make a promise earlier that whatever happened today it won’t break me down, not again. I might like him in the past but it’s all in the past. He will forever see me as a friend and I know that from the very start. I know it well. But it’s just I get a closure that I needed today when I get his wedding invitation. I can hold it well in front of him and my friends. But somehow, a tear escapes from my eye.

I look at the film camera I bring today. I want to make memories with them, with Seonho too, using his camera so I cannot have second thought after the photo taken and delete it. This should be one of ways for me to toughen myself and be true to my own words. I’ve done liking Seonho and only see him as a friend.

I still have 5 frames to go. I take a deep breath and snap a shot of the upper part of the building together with the clear sky. Long sigh comes out, I really don’t want to cry but it keeps falling.

“Are you okay?” asks a man from a bench away. It startles me and surprisingly stops me from crying.

“I know it’s not my business but I think you need this” says the man who is standing a step away. I look at him while wiping the tear stain.

“I’m fine”

“I just purchase it from the vending machine if you don’t believe me. I don’t have any bad intention. I just feel bad to see you sad and this sweet drink should make you a little bit better”

He is very good looking. No, extremely handsome. He surely has his way with words but I still keep my guard up. These days, many criminals disguise as kind looking or educated person.

“You can take a picture of me as proof later on, if I really do something bad to you”

He, once again, push the cold drink to me and back to his bench again. He opens his bottle and drink it like a commercial. I can’t help a small smile when see him do that. He is surely a weird guy.

“I’m ready to pose if you really want to take a picture though”

“Okay, just in case”

I bring my film camera to my eyes and capture a very clear shape of his face.

“One more with your phone. You can send it to your friend ‘just in case’ I steal your phone later” he says while striking another pose. I shake my head. I do not expect laughing at the very moment.

I fulfill his request to take his picture with my phone camera and show him the result. I really hope he is not a bad guy because it will be a shame for his beautiful face and such a wit.

“Thank you” I say to him before drinking. My heart feels a little bit lighter than earlier.

“Will you post you pictures online? Hmm maybe on instagram?”

“I don’t know”

“I give a permission to post my pictures on your page then, no need to thank me”

I laugh for the second time. This time he laughs with me. Why someone bother to stop, spend his time for a poor looking stranger and make her laugh? I mean, we are strangers, we don’t know each other, less care for each other.

He, now, moves to my bench and sit on the other edge.

“I’m Seokjin, you can call me Jin. You can to not tell me your name now, but do me a favor”

“What is it?”

“When I find you, I mean my picture on your SNS, you cannot decline my offer for coffee or dinner if you don’t drink coffee”

“Okay”

“Be prepare for our second date” he says before leaving me all smiley on the park.

When he’s far enough from my sight, I just realize. He’s the man I saw this afternoon. The living sculpture that makes my pictures look better. I shake my head in disbelief. I’m expecting our next meeting to come.

10/10

This is the last picture of my happiness project. A pleasant encounter. Thank you.

 seonho__kim Oh? Who’s this? You hide your new boyfriend from me?

kyungie_SK YOU MEET HANDSOME MAN IN SECRET!? WHATTA BESTFRIEND!!

DDDani is he… Jin sunbae? You two ...?

KSJin92 I cant tell which one is better, the photographer or the model, should we discuss it over a coffee? Or dinner? Your call.

 The minute after I post Seokjin picture, everyone’s being wild. My bestfriends are being so loud on our private group chat. Sending all text in capital letters, sending all threating meme stocks they have on their phone. They demand me to explain in details how, when, why regarding Seokjin. I have to ignore those texts as I have to back to work. I know once I start replying them, they will never let me to stop until they satisfied. I receive DM notification from the source of this phenomenon right before I out it back to my pocket.

Jin: I know I offer coffee or dinner, but I wait for a long time just for coffee.. I know this Japanese restaurant that has superb menu and deserves all those Michelin star, so… will you be free on tomorrow?

Me: That sounds very promising and I have no reason to refuse, don’t I?

Jin: Great. 010 XXX XXXX This is my number, text me your office address and I’ll pick you up. See you soon ;)

 Right after works, Seokyung and Dani ask me to meet them in chicken restaurant near our highschool. It’s our favorite restaurant to go whenever we want to fulfill our stomach while gossiping.

“I don’t believe how small this world is. How can you and Jin sunbae meet? He is ‘the sunbae’ I told you guys before” Dani seems excited and amazed at the same time. Dani works at the finance consulting company for 2 years now and Seokjin is his senior in different department.

“The famous sunbae?” ask Seokyung. Dani nods quickly. Me and Seokyung remember how Dani describe this man to us the first week she got the job. The idol of her company, who has many admirers from intern to senior staffs.

“I met him at the park last time, we talked a little and he asked me to take his picture”

“But how? And why?”

That’s exactly my questions too. Compared to him, I’m just an average looking woman, and a stranger. He must have work with many beautiful women in daily. I shrug my shoulder to answer them.

“It just happened”

“Is he a weirdo? I know he is handsome, but it doesn’t mean he is a good guy” Seokyung states her opinion with doubtful face.

“He. Is. The. Perfect. Guy” Dani says.

“He is very kind to others, well-mannered and smart. He is professional at work, no matter how friendly he is, he will be strict to those who make mistakes. During our company’s dinner, he can make everyone’s laugh with his dad jokes. I don’t think you can fake that one, no?”

“So… it will be fine if I meet him again, right?” ask me to both of my bestfriends.

“Totally fine”

“I think so”

They answer at the same time. They look at each other and laugh.

“That’s the fastest answer I ever heard from you too”

“I wish you to have boyfriend for what.. 2 years? It’s the perfect time to start again, you know” said Dani with a smile.

I’ve tried to have romantic relationship with other men before this but it never stays long. I was happy with them, everything goes smoothly. However, at some points, we both know that I cannot love them like they love me.

“Do you think it will work out this time, with Seokjin?”

“We won’t know for sure, but we wish you to be happy”

I also wish myself to be happy, happier.

Spending time with Jin is always entertaining. He knows his choice of words will lighten up the mood between us whenever we’re going out. He never seems out of topic or makes me losing interest. When I talk, he will attentively listen. Most of times he introduces me to all of his favorite restaurants in the city. Sometimes, he will accompany me taking pictures for my new projects. We just feel very comfortable to have each other around.

“Have you tried the new ice cream parlor near your home?”

“I haven’t tried it yet but I heard it’s good. They also have opening promos this week, if I’m not mistaken”

“Then should we go there before I drop you?”

“Hmm… are you making me join your morning jogging tomorrow?”

“You can read my mind so well. I need to make an excuse so I can meet you tomorrow morning”

I hold my smile and turn my face to the window.

“Who’s taking a woman eating ice cream nearly 9 pm”

Seokjin laughs a loud. He puts the ice cream parlor’s address to his car’s GPS despite of my comment because he knows I won’t survive the temptation.

“I will let you eat the mint-choco flavor this time. How about that?”

I pretend to think for a while. We both know Jin will get what he wants, but I just want to make it looks like not too easy. I don’t want to look I like him more than I should. Considering he let me to buy mint-choco flavor after countless dates for ice cream, he must really want us to go there. He always stops me when I want to pick that particular flavor and suggest me all of other flavors before.

“Bonus. How about dinner at my place next week? I’ll show you how good I am in kitchen”

I know he doesn’t have hidden meaning in his words but I can’t help to blush. He shouldn’t know how many times I imagining to hug him. He has wide shoulder and tiny waist, deep soothing smell and a good amounts sweet talks. We always an inch away to kiss. It makes me somewhat impatient and wondering how it feels like.

“O..okay”

“Cute”

 We don’t label our relationship but we are no longer stopping ourselves to touch each other with affection months ago. This time feels different from the other relationships I have before. I trust Jin from the beginning and I think I fall in love with him sooner than I expected. He, himself, is very different from men I met before but I never thought we will match very well. To be honest, I thought he’ll only play around with me. But he always proves me wrong with his actions.

Dinner at his place become a routine. He doesn’t cook every time I come over, but never let me disappointed by his chosen take-out menu. Sometimes he just wants us to watch movies with snacks. The first three dinners, he will drive me home even it’s late. But after that, he will pretend too sleepy and persuade me to sleep over. It’s not I don’t like it, but he just tortures me more than before. These days, he will just hug me once I step inside his place and won’t even let me go for more than 5 minutes. It feels like we put ourselves in internal battle, to see who stands longer in this sexual tension.

 “You’re not going home tonight” he said.

“I know” I answer without looking at him.

I give up to try right after the first night I fail to force him getting up while pretend to be sleepy. I remember how cheerful he sounds when I agree to sleep over. He even let me wear his favorite green pajamas.

He pulls me closer to him till my back fully leans to his chest.

“Should I tell you my plan tonight or you already know too?”

“Hmm? What plan?”

“I call it ‘Making You Mine’ plan?”

“Making me yours?” I ask. I turn my face to see him and find him already looking at me.

We just stare to each other’s eyes for some good seconds until his eyes start to travel down. He stops at my lips and wetting his own lips. I can’t help to notice how his tongue move slowly.

“Yes. I’ll make you mine tonight” he whispers while looking back at my eyes.

My mind blanks. I can’t think other things than his lips, his body, just himself in front of me. His face comes closer and I close my eyes when I feel his soft thick lips on mine. I hold onto his arm that circles my waist.

“I forget to tell you. You’re not going to sleep either”

The perks of having best photographer in the world as your girlfriend ;)

By @.Y/N

 Y/N OMG. WHY DO YOU POST THIS?!

KSJin92 @.Y/N you’re the only one who can capture my beauty, honey, I have to show it to the world

Y/N @.KSJin92 tell me why I agree being your gf again

KSJin92 @.Y/N oh you know why… should I list all of them here? ;)

DDDani @.kyungie_SK this is why she was busy for the weekend ;)

kyungie_SK @.DDDani totally understand lol

Y/N @.DDDani @.kyungie_SK shut up you two!!!

[geminimoonbeamx]

The Lost Girl Chronicles Part 1: Hexs and Heartache

A/N: Soooo, this is a very random update from me. I know. But you guys know my love of Chase Collins and I thought I’d give you guys something because I know I’ve been in a writers drought and that’s not fair to y’all.

Word Count: 10k+

Warnings: Mature/Explict material. Smut from the get go. Talks of self doubt, that maybe be triggering. Sacrilegious themes. And everyone knows I have the dirtiest mouth and curse like a sailor.

Summary: You’ve been hooking up with Chase, secretly, since he moved to Ipswich. After a series of misunderstandings and even worse, miscommunications, you find yourself emerged in the dark underworld of Ipswich.

I wanna be your lover, I don't wanna’ be your friend. You don’t know what you got til’ it’s gone my dear, so tell me that you love me again- Noah Cyrus, Again.

-One Month Ago-

You whimper as your thick thighs lock around Chase’s lithe waist, his hips moving- plowing fast, your whole body swaying with his effort. 

“Oh god, oh fuck- Chase” You cry, one of your hands taloning at his shoulder and the other looking for purchase in the leather interior of his fancy car. At first, the narrow bench of a backseat had been daunting but the two of you had made due.

“You feel so good for me baby, shit, so tigh” He coos into the soft skin of your neck where he’s nuzzled his face. Where his hot panting breaths scold your flesh.

Baby. Oh, the way he says it…

It makes you clench around him and let out a sob as you feel a rush of adoration surge through you. The way he’s got you held in his big arms, your body feeling small in a way that was usually so foreign to you was hypnotic. Addicting. Felt so good that it still shocked you. 

You’d never known sex could be like this. That someone could be so animalistic, so passionate and yet so tender. Chase pulls his head from it’s place to look at you, his powder blue eyes enveloped by his dark, blown pupils.

He loves the way you look when your getting fucked. Your hair a mess around your flushed hot face. Your eyes wild and needy little sounds pouring like a river from your swollen mouth.

Your stare is desperate as his eyes that gleam like molten silver in the dark car fixes on you.

He has you at that point, the one where you know only he’ll be able to quell the almost terrifying feeling bubbling inside you.

“It’s okay pretty baby- you’re okay” His voice is soothing, is gentle but his thrusts aren't. He’s so deep inside of you, it’s almost as if you can feel him in your chest. “Come for me- do it. Fucking do it, Y/N”

He demands, you squeak and both of your arms go to wrap around him, as though he’s anchoring you to this realm.

When you reach your crescendo, its with a wail, your body tightening all over pleasure rushes through your limbs and then crashes over your pelvis in waves.

God, oh god. Only Chase can make you feel like this. Make you go off like a live wire. Make cosmos explode behind eyelids clenched shut so tight it almost hurts.

His hips start to stutter and you feel him go taught, his lips crashing to yours and kissing all the air from your lungs as he begins to come himself.

Chase is loud during his throws, you've learned. Vocal- moans and grunts. Broken little curses as his face screws up and he shoots off deep inside of you, nearly crushing you in his vice like embrace as he clings to your body for dear life. A tether in his sea of bliss.

When you both come down, he relaxes himself on top of you, lets himself be cradled by you, your pillow like curves welcoming. He doesn't release his hold of you either.

His head is resting on your bosom, and your fingers are training through his thick, messy mane. Fingertips massaging his scalp in a way that has him purring as he lazily laps at one of your large, puffy nipples.

It makes your back arch and you push him away “Fuck, stop!”

“Why?” That ever present mischievous glint in his eye is back, full forced “Feel too good? Is Miss ‘let’s go another round’ worn out?”

It makes you feel overheated, flustered and maybe a bit shy- and look away from him. Your sexuality, and its insatiable nature, was still pretty new to you. Still taboo and a little embarrassing, even though you know it shouldn't be.

“Hey” Chase untucks one of his arms from under you, so that he can grab your chin, grip it in that way he knows you love and make you look at him. “Hey, don't get like that. I love that you love to fuck- you know I do”

You roll your eyes, but you can't help the grin that stretches across your face.

He makes you feel so wanted.

“Well I think three orgasms is my max for the night. Especially in this car- fuck, could this back seat be anymore uncomfortable? I think your seatbelt buckle stabbed my spine”

At that Chase lets out a deep belly laugh and shakes his head as he leans up, his now limp member sliding out of you. You wince a shaky little sound escapes as you feel his seed dribble out from between your legs where you now gape, due to his rough fucking. You feel empty and a soiled and fuck, you hate this part.

Chase presses kisses to your cheekbones and you shake your head, glowering at him with as much heat as you can “You came inside of me again, you humongous prick!”

Again, with that laugh. The one he found himself emitting when you were around “I’m sorry”

He didn't sound sorry at all. He lays back down, after he’s cleaned himself up with his t shirt and nuzzles at your stomach.

You can’t help it, you still get so unsure when ever he goes near your tummy. It isn’t flat, not even a little. It’s big, covered in stretch marks and every guy you’d been with before had gone out of their way to avoid it...yet Chase tends to gravitate towards it. Likes to lay on you and grab at your sides and press kissed all over your middle. Says it’s soft and cute.

Makes you feel vulnerable, opened up to him like you’d never been for anyone else.

“I can tell” You deadpan, the matter of his cum inside you still at hand “I’m serious Chase, what if I get pregnant?”

Imagining a baby with his pretty eyelashes and dimpled cheeks isn't so bad...but imagining your dreams for the future- crushed by a teenage pregnancy? Yeah, not happening.

Your dad’s disappointed glare also flashes through your mind and that has you clenching your thighs and sitting up, totally turned off and dried up.

“Dont worry” Chase cajoles, reaching for you even when you try to slap his hand away “ I promise, we’re good”

For some reason you believe him. He made you feel so safe, and cared for. Adored and happy-

But only when the two of you we’re alone. 

That thought had plagued you ever since that rainy night in the back of his car weeks ago.

Yeah, Chase was friendly enough in public, at school. The two of you we’re chummy, that much was obvious. But he didn't kiss you in front of your classmates, never held your hand or whispered to you just how beautiful he thought you we’re like he did in those moments of solitude.

All you got we’re shared looks and smiles. Friendly hugs and pats on the shoulder-

And lately, well lately you haven't got much of anything. Chase had been distant, spending all of his time with is “new best friends” aka the “Sons of Ispwich and co”- co being their girlfriends. One of which you’d watched flirt with him like crazy mere months before. You clearly remember the looks Kate had given across the bonfire at the Dells.

Ever since the ‘Fall Fest’ and the whole debacle of Putnam barn burning to the ground- Caleb harrowingly saving both Chase and Sarah from a fiery death, it seemed he was attached at the hip to the raven haired ‘Son’.

You tried your hardest not to be jealous. He was making friends, and that was good right? You shouldn't be a bitter bitch about it, right?

But why was he ignoring you... Blowing you off at every turn? The two of you hadn't slept together in a month and a half- hadnt gotten together to hang out and share a spliff in his car, or taken the long night time drives that had turned into something like a lullaby to you.

The low hum of the radio and Chase behind the wheel was hypnotic and you longed for that sense of contentment. As though the world around you, outside of the car was null and void and only you and Chase and the little bubble the two of you created existed.

But every time you tried to get a hold of him, reached out- you got the same answer. He was busy.

Chase: I’m sorry, babes. Maybe another time? I’m really busy right now.

Mostly all of the texts you’d received from him lately looked similar and honestly your spirits we’re past dampened.

You we’re bummed as hell.

Because you really liked him, and yet he seemed to be shaping up to be like every other guy you’d ever encountered. The cycle that you’d been through various times seemed to be repeating itself with him and it honestly terrified you.

You we’re his secret.

The girl who was pretty enough have sex with, to lavish attention on in private- but too fat to claim in public. You just weren't desirable, you’d deduced a long time ago.

You were not what guys wanted- at least not to the world.

Through Dm’s and texts- mobilized and in the shadows? Yeah, you got hit on all the time. You were fully aware you had a “pretty” face. But bringing the big girl out and around your friends? No teenage boy your age had grown the balls needed to claim someone like you.

And now he was probably sick of you. Over the little “tryst” and trying to let you down gently.

It hurts so fucking bad, even though you try to deny it. To go about it as though you we’re okay, with smiles and jokes. Ignoring the ice prick like pain in your stomach all the while.

Your friends can see right through it though.

Fall had come swift to the small New England town of Ipswich, painting it in hues of golden amber and rust, leaving everything feeling homey and quaint...

And cold- the chill seemed to have swirled in with the wind and the mornings were frosted with frozen dew.

The first snowfall would be any day now.

But for now, nature was content with rain. The frigid kind that was practically snow, but seemed to melt before it hit the ground and just left everything soggy and freezing. The walk through campus from the dorms to the main building, though it short, was torturous and you found yourself longing for the warmth of your bed long into third period.

You we’re already grouchy- the cold plus the early hour had your face stone like. A natural pout etched onto your features. Really, you we’re just resting it, but you’d been told that it looked like you we’re plotting serial murders when you weren't smiling.

How exhausting. Being expected to wear a smile all the time, in the hopes of appeasing people.

The day goes on as it usually does;  droningly. Your eyes droopy as you listen to your professors, as your hands seem to work of their own accord to scribe out notes. It’s utterly mundane, normal-

You we’re longing for something to break the mold. To rip you from your funk-

Until you over hear something that makes your heart sink into your chest...lower and lower until you’re scared it might fall out of your ass and onto the linoleum floor of the girls bathroom you’re in and you curse yourself for not accepting mundane.

You had just been minding your own business, emptying your bladder before study hall, when Kira Snider and Coco Lindell had walked in.

“I’m so done with Aarons shit- he’s such of good for nothing dick. You heard his father's firm going under? Didn't you?” That was Kira, the naisaly quality of her voice distinct.

“Psht” Coco had said back “His father's firm? More like a bunch of half cocked DA’s who got a decent loan and thought they we’re going to make it big. Their biggest client was some mayor- in Jersey. Pshtttt, bitch”

You had smirked silently, but felt a little odd listening into their conversation from behind a restroom stall. You felt  like a creep but you’d waited too long now- might as well just continue to wait it out until they left.

You regret it, sorely. Wish you would have gotten up and out the moment they’d come in because their conversation soon turned to Chase- and you'd been forced to listen to them talk about the guy you’d been gaga over since the day you’d met him.

Your heart being ripped to shreds with each word spoken from their painted mouths-

“He looks like such a good fuck. Like you can just tell. Boys with baby faces usually are packing the biggest-”

“Coco!”

“What? I’m serious. You should totally fuck him when he takes you out this weekend. Prove me right”

-In silence. On the toilet, a hand clasped over your mouth to keep in the sounds that so desperately tried to escape your throat.

When they’d finally left the bathroom, completely unaware of you and the breakdown they’d caused- you’d exited the stall, catching a glimpse of your mascara tear stained cheeks in the mirrors.

It made your stomach roll and you'd ran the sink, using folded up damp paper towels in an attempt to wipe away the evidence of your heartache.

Your furious scrubbing at your eyes had left you appearing racoonish for the rest of the day. 

“You look especially pleasant today” Adrian says as he sits down at the chair across from you at the table you’d found in the crowded library.

It just takes one glance, your big eyes meeting his for what seemed like to seconds for him to frown, his playful atmosphere instantly turning more serious, curious.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

He really did know you too well- which was to be expected considering the eleven year friendship you shared. He was your best friend, the person who knew you better than anyone. And of course he’d been privy to your “situationship” with Chase. Hell, he’d been there when you’d met the guy-

So as you pour out the details of what you’d over heard; of Kira and her rebound with Chase.

Of the dates they’d been on.

Of how she wanted to sit on his face until he drowned,

how much she loved the same stormy eyes you did.

How they we’re going to the towns annual Thanksgiving parade together. The one that you’d been desperately, pathetically, stupidly, hoping he’d accompany you to.

Adrian absorbs it all, shaking his head. Frowning, his face scrunched up beautifully even though he was so obviously distressed that you seemed to be so devastated about it.

“Bullshit. No way? Kira, really?” He makes a very distasteful gesture with his tongue that looks like a gag “How foul- I thought he had better taste than that”

You just nod, trying to focus on your Psychology paper, on the words. Hoping to distract yourself, even if just a little bit. Just enough to keep you from letting your emotions bubble back up to the surface.

“Listen, boo- I know you like him. Like way more then I think even you realize, but I think you should kick his trifling ass to the curb”

Of course, you shake your head. That was Adrian's logic- life was too short to take bullshit. He’d taken it all throughout his childhood, taken verbal(and physical) beatings for just...being. He’d grown, and was still growing, into someone so unapologetically himself- that he hoped it would one day rub off on you.

“You deserve more then some guy who only calls you to fuck. And yes, said fucking might be amazing, but is it worth it? Worth getting blown off and feeling like garbage? Have some sense of self worth, Y/N” He could also be blunt, so blunt people mistook it for rude.

And sometimes, he was rude.

“Fuck you” You shoot at him at that. Already defensive and raw from the bathroom debacle “I do have self worth”

“I’d hope so! You’re an amazing person- and yeah, I might be biased but if vaginas were my thing I’d totally make you a 50’s breeding machine house wife” He says casually “I just don’t get it- Kira? Why?”

“Why wouldn't he? She’s everything guys like him want”

“Which is what, pray tell?” Adrian folds his arms on the table and gives you a serious look.

“Well she’s rich as shit, there’s a starter” You point out and he rolls her eyes, but he can't deny you there. Kira is rich as shit. Her father owned dozens upon dozens of car dealerships.

Sleazy ran in the family apparently.

“What is he into other then that? Her faulty nose job that makes her look like Will Ferrell?”

You snort. Usually neither of you were the type to tear on your fellow woman- but Kira was a special case. Venomous and vain and out rightly nasty, you really didn't have anything nice to say about her other then the face that she wasn't as stupid as people painted her to be, and-

“She’s what all guys want; thin and pretty and white. Of course he’d go after her, Adrian” you let it out with a sigh, defeated sounding.

And even though Adrian spends the rest of the hour lecturing you on self love, and how wrong societies form of “european beauty being the norm” was, all things you knew, you felt torn down and tired for the rest of the day, battling the Friday afternoon, more than ready for the weekend that you knew you’d most likely spend the entirety of moping. 

You see Chase, standing with his friends- flocked at the benches outside after the school day is over.

He smiles at you- waving.

Looking friendly and open, as though he hadn't been treating you like utter shit. Betraying you- using you as a quick fuck while he took other girls on dates. Leading you to believe that maybe, just maybe he liked you...all the while pursuing Kira.

You just frown, hard, at him for a fraction of a second, not waving back or acknowledging him before you turn to your friends. Walking away, leaving him feeling a little confused at your reaction.

“Rejected” Reid sniggers, all of them having seen the exchange and Chase glares at him, but accepts the hash pen from the blonds nimble fingers.

“That was weird. Y/N is always so friendly” Sarah interjects, leaning against Caleb “I was actually just talking to her during first period and she seemed fine?”

Chase shrugs, tries to physically shake it “I don't know”

“She’s cute” Tyler chimes and funny, it’s the one called “baby boy” by all who always seems to be the most mature. Who doesn't care that he could be ridiculed for calling the fat girl cute “Arent the two of you still messing around?”

Chase doesnt like this, this conversation that circled around him. He’d been raised to be secretive and it all made him uncomfortable.

“She has a nice ass- of course he’s still talking to her” Pogue deduces and Kate just nods in agreement before adding, “Kardashian fat without the needles. Lucky bitch”

God, those two had the oddest relationship.

Conversation soon drifts from talks of you, but his mind doesn't. Swirling thoughts of your frown, of the way your eyes that were usually clear and bright had clouded...and then hardened in a way he’d never seen.

He knows something is wrong when later that night he shoots you a text, and you dont reply. Not fifteen minutes later. Not an hour-

After three hours he realizes he’s not getting a reply and he falls into a restless sleep. 

Saturdays’ chaotic all day, the Covenant meeting with Caleb's uncle who also happened to be the towns mayor. There was a demon, another one, on the loose that needed to be taken care of. That leads to the rest of the day being bled away in the Danvers family carriage houses’ basement which doubles as an ancient witchcraft filled library.

Its like homework, more stacked on top of his already towering pile from school. He reads ancient texts until his eyes cross and they’re all begging Caleb to have mercy on them and give them a fucking break.

He’s been texting you all day. Or at least trying to. He hasn't been able to get a hold of you- all of his messages opened and read, and yet left unreplied

Chase: Hey:)

Chase: I feel like I haven't hung out with you in forever, I��m starting to miss you

Chase: I know your starting to miss me too

Chase: ? Y/N?

He’s composing his fifth text of the last few hours when Caleb shakes his head.

“What?” Chase snaps at him. He could be so condescending sometimes and it always set off Chase’s temper.

“She still hasn't replied to you yet? What did you do to her?”

Caleb's voice always has that...sage quality to it. Like he’s going to help you fix all your problems and it, too, drives Chase crazy. Like his newfound “brothers” felt the need to baby him. God forbid he loose it and try to steal everyone else's powers again.

“I didn't do anything” Chase hisses at him and that earns him chuckles from all the men in the circular, dungeon like basement.

“Translation: I totally fucked up and I just don't know where yet” Pogue teases “Tell her your sorry, give her a coupe orgasms and order pizza and she’ll start to get over it...What? It always works with Kate”

Chase frowns at that. You weren't Kate though, didn't love drama. You’d just tell him if you were upset, wouldn’t you? Communication was your key- what you seemed to thrive on.

“She’s not like that- She’d tell me if I’d pissed her off”

There's groans, and chuckles and “Aw man’s” at his statement and Chase is starting to hate this whole having coven assigned brothers thing already.

“No, she’s a woman, dude. It doesn't matter, this is just how they tick. You’ve gotta’ suck it up and apologize- not just with head and pizza” Caleb interrupts his advice by giving Pouge a pointed look “but by really talking to her- I mean, that is if it’s worth it to you. If you’re really into her”

And Chase is. He knows he is. He also knows that his life has been taken over by the supernatural and he hasn't gotten to spend a lot of time with you as of late, but that last night in his car seemed to be on a loop in his head.

He missed your fingers in his hair and they way that you made him laugh.

Chase pursed his lips and shrugged and Caleb rolls his eyes and goes back to his research.

“Real shit, girls really aren't that complicated. All they want is to feel valid. Like they matter, like they’re not getting screwed over or played stupid and honestly- you’ve been spending so much time with us lately that I highly doubt you’ve spent any with her.

And on top of that, you treat her like she's just a homie at school- you’re so frigid with her that you might as well fist bump her next time you see her.

I wouldn't have any idea the two of you fuck around if we weren't friends, you keep it that low key. So yeah, wouldn't you get pissed?” That sonnet, that explanation of the female perspective comes from none other then Reid Garwin. He really wasn't the fuck boy womanizer everyone thought he was...or maybe he was- but he had a gooey center. Romantic as fuck at heart.

Cupid in the flesh.

The guys all stare at him for a moment, silent and big eyes. Like what he was saying was more complex and harder to grasp then the Ancient texts they were reading.

“But pizza helps too, I swear” Pogue is an idiot.

And apparently so is Chase. 

His texts, and then calls, go unanswered all weekend, and he’s not used to the rock like lumps he feels in his throat everytime he picks up his phone and sees that it has no notifications. Your name void from the screen of the device.

Even though he knows you have your phone in hand. He checks your snapchat and spots that you’re out with your friends, dinner and a movie. Joking and smiling and fine…

When he tries to check your other social medias, see if your Facebook(and he hasn't even logged on to the app in weeks, since his life had turned into a real life episode of ghost adventures) had any clue to as why you seemed to be pissed at only him, he’s gobsmacked to learn that you’ve unfriended him.  He stares at the ‘Add friend’ element on your page until his eyes burn, trying to ignore the way he feels like he’d been slapped across the face.

His confusion turns into haughty anger. Because he’s Chase fucking Collins and girls had always flocked to him. And he really thought the two of you had some sort of...he doesn't know. Psychic bond? He’d never talked to any girl like he talked to you. Never came as hard as he did when he was inside of your tight, wet cunt.

The thought of you and your sex makes his eyes roll into the back of his head and he bites the top of his phone case as he thinks about it. About how much he misses your soft body. The round belly he loved to cradle- your breasts. Huge and welcoming and perfect to bury his face in when the world was just too much for him. Your thighs that you hated but that he loved to slide between-

When a chirp comes from his phone he has it pulled up close to his face at a shamefully fast pace, hoping that you’d finally come around. That this had all just been some weird misunderstanding and-

His spirits fall and his lips pull down into a frown as soon as he sees the name on the screen.

Fuck, he hisses, annoyed.

He should have never given his number to Kira at that party a few weeks ago. But he’d been drunk and she’d been so flirty and...well, he was a teenage boy. He never claimed to be perfect. Actually, he was far from it.

Kira was hot, no doubt. Redheaded and petite...but she was annoying as fuck an had a mean streak that made his look miniscule. He really wasn't interested and she didn't seem to get that. He kept running into her everywhere, and it was a rare day that he didn't get some kind of message from her.

Tonights was her offering up a midnight meetup-

Kira: I’m lonely. Let’s hang out later? I stay up late ;)

Chase frowns. Yeah, his dick is already stirring, and hasnt been touched since almost a month ago- but the idea of having late night hangouts with anyone but you is almost sacrilegious to him. He couldn't. He wouldn't...late nights in Ipswich we’re for long drives with you, blunts burning and conversations flowing. They were therapeutic and happy…

And fuck he missed you so much.

“If that’s worth it to you” he hears Caleb’s voice in his head “If you’re really into her”

And Chase has known that he’s liked you since...well pretty much since he met you but this feeling he gets is something different.

He really...he really needs to get a hold of you.

He sends you a few more messages, completely ignoring Kira’s in turn, and when he doesn't get a reply- just like he expected he wouldn't, he’s jumping up from his bed, rummaging for his shoes and his keys.

The weekend had been brutal for you.

You hadn't really realized just how deeply your feelings ran for Chase until they had been stomped on, and your heart felt achy and strained. You’d spent all friday night sobbing, happy that Reyna, your roommate had a little kick back to attend so that you could sob your heart out in peace.

“Are you sure? I can stay?” She had always been so sweet, and you we’re happy as hell to be rooming with someone you not only could stand, but actually liked.

You’d sniffled, eyes red rimmed and forced a smile that looked more like a painful grimace.

“No, please. One of us needs to get cute and have a good time tonight. Go- have fun. I’ll be fine. Really”

You we’re far from fine. You’d never really cried yourself to sleep before; life had been kind enough to you in your young years that you didn't feel the need to-

Movies romanticize that shit, intensely. There’s always the pretty heroine main character who gets her heart broken, sobs herself to sleep and then in the morning is fine-

You fell asleep, hard. Stiff. With tears still falling steadily down your cheeks, your neck, and into your shirt. The blankets pulled up over your head.

And woke up feeling like a corpse. Like you had been hit by a motherfucking freight train. Your face was swollen, and your nose stuffy. Your sinuses screamed at you and were congested to hell and back. Your shoulders hurt and as you sat up, wincing at the sunlight your head pounded.

No one ever told you that crying for ten hours straight felt akin to a Mad Dog 20/20 hangover.

Adrian had showed up that day, and along with Reyna and a bucket load of snacks and an order from that new health cafe in towns circle (because you were dehydrated as fuck from crying your body weight in tears. Who knew?)

You slowly started to regain your motor skills after your body is filled with green juice and poppyseed bagel.

Still, your head was laid in Adrians lap and you made him feed your favorite flavored pringles.

Your phone had been steadily beeping all day, and each was a new text from Chase. At first you refused to even look at them, trying your hardest to zone them out, but then curiosity got the best of you. The need to see what he had to say overpowering you.

He’s so nonchalant it makes you mad. Furious. Stabs of anger over the already painful throws of betrayal caused the pain you're feeling.

He tells you he misses you, and that he knows you miss him and your upper lip curls.

“He’s such a fucking prick” You glare at the texts and Adrian and Reyna share a look.

This is what you did, frequently. You weren't comfortable being sad, depressed...vulnerable. So you raged. Because anger was an emotion you were actually comfortable exploring.

And rage you did.

On Chase. On the situation. And then on yourself. Because what a fucking idiot. You’d been so stupid.

You do petty, irrational things like unfriend him on facebook and erase the couple pictures of the two of you you had on instagram.

You can't bring yourself to go through with deleting the picture that you’d snapped in his car.

It was a dark night and the two of you had drove to the middle of nowhere; you'd managed to get an aesthetically pleasing picture of the burning blunt, the bottom of Chases handsome smiling face in the background. His perfect jaw and white smile. The dimple in his chin more pronounced than ever.

You hate how much you miss him.

Chase sends you twelve texts and calls you over five times over the course of the next few days but you ignore them all. You almost break, a couple times.

Chase: I know I must have done something wrong? Can you please just answer me so we can figure this out? Please?

And for anything else, you think yeah. Maybe you could have figured it out. You could have figured out the fact that he ignored you for a month. That he blew you off at every turn. That you’d sucked up your pride and all but begged for even ten minutes of his time, just to have him deny you.

You could have figured out the fact that he was keeping you a secret. That he pretended he hadn’t had his tongue in your pussy when you were at school- that you two were just good friends.

But Kira? Him messing with other girls? While he ignored you….

It was just too much. You’d taken too many blows to your self worth and you couldn't do it anymore.

Adrian and Reyna are godsent and make it their responsibility to keep you busy. Force you to shower and get ready; even if it is only a sweatshirt and a pair of furry slides. You go see the new Seth Rogen movie and eat at your favorite little mediterranean place in the town over, the one where Adrian gets flirty enough with the waiter and scores you guys a couple rounds of house blend margaritas.

You didn't want to do anything in Ipswich, for fear of seeing him.

The weekend actually goes by quickly. Too quick. You dread school on monday where your avoidance of Chase will inevitably be harder. Where you’ll see Kiras smarmy face in your Biology class and think about the two of them and what they spent their “date” doing. 

Sunday night is calm.

You and Reyna are pressed together in her bed. Lounding and draped in plush blankets as your laptop that is propped up by pillows plays episodes of Game of Thrones. Somehow your friend had fallen behind, and you being the huge nerd you were, were more than willing to catch up on the season she’d missed.

Your phone chimes, but it’s across the room on your desk and you figure it’s either a Facebook notification or another bullshit message from Chase so you ignore it. It’s getting late anyway, and you’re far too comfortable and warm to get up and journey over to check it.

About a half an hour later when you hear quiet knocking at your door you and Reyna both look at eachother, the light from the laptop and the noise of a gory battle in the background.

“It’s like 11:30” she announces the obvious and you fight the urge to roll your eyes as you get up and pad over to see who it is.

Probably Brenda- the hall manager of the floor. She could be a little neurotic and take her “job” a little too seriously. Probably making her rounds, a second time to make sure lights are out.

You step up on your tiptoes to peak out of the small window like port above the door and what you see causes your whole body to freeze up.

The air in your lungs gets stuck and you literally go immobile. Eyes wide and your mouth falling open, before you crouch down- hoping to not be seen in the foggy glass panes.

“Y/N! Who is it? What’s going on?” Your actions had sparked fear in Reyna who jumps up and hurried beside you. You really needed to stop letting her watch all those serial killer documentaries with you.

“It’s Chase” you whisper frenziedly to her, from the ground.

“Chase?! Oh my god, he’s here?!” Why does she sound a little excited? Wonder mixing in with her shock.

Also, why the hell is she so loud?

“Yes! Shut the fuck up! Shut up!” You glare up at her, slicing your finger to your mouth as you signal for her to be quiet.

She shakes her head , but at least now she speaks in a whisper “Y/N, he knows your here. We have to answer. I’ll answer it-”

“No!” You shake your head.

“Yes- go like hide and i’ll say you’re not here and-”

You just keep shaking your head.

Maybe he’d leave? You knew he knew you were here, but maybe he’d think the two of you we’re asleep and he’d go and you wouldn't be forced to face him-

“You guys do know I can hear you right? These walls are paper thin” Chase’s deep, even voice sounds from outside the door and another wash of dread makes you close your eyes. This was NOT happening.

“Y/N...please just talk to me” He sounds so...forlorn. Tired. Pleading. It physically hurts to hear his voice.

“I think you should hear him out. Or I mean, at least say what you need to say to him” Reyna advises, her honey eyes comforting as she urges you to do what you know you need to “Plus he’s going to wake up Brenda and get us all demerits and I am not down for detention”

You sigh. Knowing she’s right. You we’re going to have to put on your big girl panties and face the guy who had tap danced on your heart, and although it sucked, you didn't really have another option.

You wanted to crawl into bed and bury yourself under your comforter, but instead you stood up, trying to straighten your old, oversized sweater.

You’d imagined confronting Chase a lot in the past few days- but none of those fantasies where you we’re a boss bitch and told him how badly he’d fucked up included you being in your favorite pair of flamingo pajama pants.

You took a deep breath and opened the door, cracked it really, to where only with half of your body visible as you peeked out into the dark hallway.

Chase was standing there. Hands in his pockets, looking at you with those blue eyes that seemed to catch all of the residual light in the corridor. He looked...tired. His body seeming to both tense and relax as you came into view.

“Uh...Hi” He greets softly, the side of his mouth pulling up. Yours stays in a frown.

“Chase? What are you doing here? It’s after curfew-” you start in, your tone unamused, crossed.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just didn't know how else to get a hold of you” He interupts, trying in vain to quell your annoyance “I really needed to talk to you”

“I really dont think there’s anything we need to talk about” At your words his face contorts up. In confusion, and blatant hurt.

“What? Y/N, what the fuck is going on? I think we have a fuck lot to talk about, actually. How about the fact that you’ve ignored my messages all weekend?” His voice is raising, and you sush him. He really is about to wake up your dorm supervisor and you tell him so.

Chase sighs, he’s not going to wake up anyone. He’d put a concealment charm on the entirety of the hall- save your room of course. No one could hear anything going on outside their rooms at the moment.

But of course he can't tell you that. There's so much he can't tell you and he hates it.

“Okay fine. You’re so worried I’m gonna wake someone up? Let's go for a drive, we can talk in my car…” He knows he’s going out on a limb even asking you that but he cant help how badly he hopes you’ll say yes.

He begs whatever celestial deities there may be that you’ll agree. Because fuck, he didn't realize how much he missed you. Your hair is messy and undone and your face is free of makeup and you look so damn soft in your pajamas...at least what he can see of you.

You’re still peeking out from behind your door.

You shake your head and look down “I can't”

“Why not?” He’s got that edge to his voice again. That one that’s near pleading “Y/N...I promise we’ll just talk, and drive. And maybe smoke a little bit- but that’s all, okay?”

You knew what he was saying. That he didn't come here for sex, because most of the time that’s what you’re late night drives lead to.

You really want to say no. You wish you were strong and resilient. Like Adrian. You wish you were the bad ass woman you we’re in your head, that you could tell him no and slam the door in his face and be done with it.

But you’re not, you’re just a teenage girl and you huff, tell him to wait a minute as you grab a jacket and slip on a pair of moccasins and tell Reyna you’ll be back soon.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” She wonders as your shuffling into your shoes.

“No”, but you grab your phone and M.K purse anyway. 

You end up in Chases passenger seat as he drives down the winding back roads, and it’s somewhere you’ve been so many times and yet...it feels so different tonight.

You keep your arms folded over your chest, leaning against the door, as far away from him as possible. Wondering why the fuck you’d come with him in the first place.

The vents blow out warm air and music plays softly from the sprakers, and yet the atmosphere couldn't be more frigid.

You hadn't spoken more than one word answers to him since your room and now you weren't speaking at all. He’s taken aback by just how mad you are at him. You’d never been so cold to him and he really doesn't know how to manage it.

He lets you stew in your silence until he pulls up at a clearing in the trees. It faces a little field and can't be seen from the main road. The two of you had found it a couple months ago when school had started.

He stops the car, shifting the gear into park. His hands are still on the wheel, gripping it anxiously as he tries to figure out what exactly to say to you.

“I uh- I’m sorry” That seems like the right thing to say, but you just scoff and tighten your arms around yourself.

“I really am. I know I’ve been distant lately and that hasn't been fair to you...but I wasn't doing it because I’m not interested in you, or seeing you, anymore”  Chase sounds nervous, and it’s a far cry from his usaul cock sure dispositon “My life has just gotten really...fucking messy and I didnt mean to make you feel like I didn't want you in it anymore”

You can't help it, something in you snaps. He really is a fucking piece of work, really thinks he can play you. “Want me in your life? How? Like this” You gesture to the car, to the darkened woods outside “Calling me up in the middle of the night and fucking me in the woods when your bored and horny? I get it, you’re ashamed of me. You’re not the first guy whose don't this shit to me, but I’m done”

“I’m not ashamed of you, Y/N” He tries to reach for you, your words making him wince, but you pull away from him. Shaking your head, vehemently.

“No don't. Don't say that. Don't lie to me anymore. You are ashamed. Fucking the fat girls not good for your reputation, right? No. No I get it. I wouldn't want to embarass you in front of your friends” there  are unshed tears in your eyes and your voice keeps breaking, straining as you try to keep from letting them fall “Why don't you just keep screwing around with Kira and leave me alone”

There is so much there for Chase to digest that he doesn't know where to start.

“First off, don't say that shit. I’m not embarrassed of you, and I could give a flying fuck about my reputation” He spits the word incredulously. You had no idea just how bad his “reputation” really was. No idea the horrible shit he’d done. He couldn't care less about what his school yard peers thought of him.

“And secondly screwing with Kira? What? I barely know her”

“That’s great. So you’re fucking some girl you barely know...I let you inside of me without a condom, Chase. I never do that! You know you’re the only one I’ve ever done that with and now I’m-” you take a pause, to breathe through your nose in an attempt to calm down “Now I’m a little freaked out about what you could have given me”

Again, he feels like you’ve slapped him. Fuck. How is it that you’re able to wound him, by doing so little?

“I couldn't give you anything because I haven't been with anyone since we started fucking” He’s upset. It shows, he sounds pissed and you hate it.

But also...a sick part of you loves it.

Good. You hope he’s feeling even a fraction of the bad you’ve been feeling for weeks.

“You dont have to bullshit me, I already know about you and Kira, no thanks to you. It’s whatever at this point”

“There is no me and Kira so whatever you think you know is false. And whoever you’re getting your information from has fucking sucky intel” He hates this small town and this tiny school full of gossiping simpletons.

Was this why you we’re so upset with him? Because you thought he had something going with Kira?

“Actually I heard it from Kira herself so one of you is obviously lying” You’re defensive still. Unbelieving and closed up.

“And you really think it’s me who's lying? After everything? I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else...and you think I’d look you in the face and lie to you about Kira fucking Snider?” Chase’s own voice cracks, he’d told you about his childhood. About his shitty abusive adoptive father.

It makes you bite your bottom lip, hard.

You don't know what to think. How to feel. What to believe. So you tell him about what you’d overheard in the bathroom, not sparing any details and he listens in pure disgust.

He can tell you dont believe him and that really sucks. Really hurts him. “I’d believe you over anyone. Anytime. You wouldn't even have to say anything- I’d never take someone else's word over yours”

“That’s so unfair! And you know it” You’re trying to stay mad, you really are, but the tears in your eyes that are starting to leak aren't from anger “You basically ignore me for over a month, and okay your life's been stressful, but I’ve been here. Begging you to open up to me. What am I supposed to think, Chase? I know you don't want to be with me...you make that obvious enough. But I feel...you make me feel...so much”

For as eloquent as you usually are, you can't manage the words. Can’t form the sentences. Are there even words, for what you feel when you’re around him?

“I’m sorry, baby. Please don't cry” He whispers as he reaches for you once more. This time you don't yank away, but you also don't melt into his embrace like you usually do.

You’re stiff, as you harsly wipe at your face. Smearing the tears away as they fall.

His own eyes sting at seeing you like this. “I don't want Kira- I don't want anyone else but you”

You squeeze your eyes closed and he gives your thigh a reassuring rub “I do want to be with you Y/N. There’s nothing about you that I’m ashamed of”

“Bullshit” You hiccup. It’s honestly easier for you to believe that he was screwing Kira then that he wanted to be with you.

“Why? Why do you say that?”

“Because guys like you don't end up with girls like me. This is real life and that’s just not fucking possible” You croak the words and he sighs.

He knows, although you really do keep a pretty good lid on it, the self doubt you harbor. The way you see yourself...how conscious you are of you body. Of everything about yourself.

“Girls like you?” It’s a rhetorical question and you huff and try to push his hand off your thigh. He barely budged.

“Yeah, Chase. Girls like me”

“I’m not...Kira. Or Kate or Sarah. I’m…” You choke on the words.

Fat.

Ugly.

Unwantable.

Embarrassing.

“Sexy? Funny?” Chase supplements and you shake your head and stare out of the inky window. You cant hear this. Can't accept it. It makes hysteria rise in your chest.

Chase makes a sound in his throat and reaches over the console, so that he can press closer to you. “Smart as shit? Sweet as candy...you are Y/N. You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met. Way to fucking good for someone like me...but I’ll take it. I want it. Fuck, I want it so bad. I miss you. I miss the way you sound when you’re begging for it”

You can’t help it. His words, he so good with his words. He makes you feel like you’re floating when he talks to you like this. Your head leans over and he presses his face into your hair. You can feel his little hot puffs of air  in the sensitive shell of your ear.

“I missed you” you whimper in admittance. It had been so long since he’d been this close.

That seems to sober him up a little, clear his horny eighteen year old mind.

He sighs.

“I missed you too...but my life...is all fucked up right now. I wasn’t kidding about that”

You turn to face him, grabbing the hand that’s on your knee. Lacing his fingers with your own much shorter, plumper ones.

“Talk to me about it” you urge, gently. In that beautiful, silk-soft cadence of yours, the one that comes out for the the first time since you’ve been upset with him and it makes a part of him light up inside.

And then he sighs. Deeply. His head bowing a bit.

“I can’t”

“Why not? We talk about everything, Chase?” Your brows scrunch together as you squeeze his hand.

“Not this...I can't get you involved in this. It’s dangerous and...I don’t want to ruin you”

“Ruin me? What do you mean? I don’t understand”

Ruin you, he thinks. Ruin your perception of the world. Make you aware of the monsters that lived under your bed- of the darkness that crept in the shadows.

He just clenches his jaw so hard his teeth hurt and you hum and reach up to thumb at the flexing muscle in his cheek.

He looks at you and you drown in pools of argent blue.

“You’re so pure- no I’m serious. So good, Y/N. You don’t even know how- don’t even realize. And I don’t want to fuck things up for you l-I. We both know I’m good at doing that…” he gives a small, self deprecating laugh and you frown.

You really don’t understand what he’s trying to tell you.

“You’re good, too” he snorts and you persist “You are. You’re so good to me- even when I doubt you. You’re- you’ve been better to me then any guy has. Ever”

He reaches over then, closing the distance and pressing his lips to yours. It’s chaste, but sweet like syrup and you savor the feeling of his plush mouth against yours.

“You deserve all the good things, Y/N. But I am literally the opposite of good” He tells you as he pulls away, mouth still close enough to yours that you feel the words rather than hear them.

“I don’t understand why you think that”

“If you knew what I was...what we are, you’d understand why I’m not good. Why I’ll never be” He curses himself, he know he shouldn’t be telling you any of this but he can’t help it.

You’re like a beacon in the dark and he’s a moth to the flame. He loses all sense when it comes to you. It’s terrifying as it is thrilling.

“What we are? Who are you talking about? You’re acting like you’ve joined a cult or something” You search his face for any clue as to what in the fuck he’s going on about and then prices start coming together. Slowly but surely.

“But then again you kind of have, huh? You’ve been spending a lot of time with the Sons lately”

Chase can’t help but chuckle as he pulls back, rubbing a hand across his forehead “And you are way too fucking smart”

“I’m still lost though? What does you being “bad” have to do with them? And why are they bad? Stuck up and a little pretentious? Yeah. But bad?”

He shouldn’t have said anything. He knows he shouldn’t. Knows that now, there’s no way you’ll let it drop and that either he can tell you what’s going on or you’ll dig until you find it out on your own…

But maybe he always wanted to tell you. They’d told Kate and Sarah? And countless others who could be trusted over the years. Why couldn’t you know? Why couldn’t he have someone who made him feel a little less lonely in this underworld he lived in.

He turns to look at you “Y/N, I have to tell you something. And you’re not going to believe me- and you may flip shit...but I don’t want to keep secrets from you anymore”

You nod slowly, not knowing just what you were in for “Okay, it’s okay, Chase. You can tell me”

And he’s just about to-

When suddenly an inhuman screech cuts through the air. It sounds feral, animalistic- like nothing you had ever heard. Your brain has no picture to put with that sound, and your head snaps in the direction of the field. Searching for the cause of such can a horrible, eerie wail. In the distance, there’s a figure. It looks like some sort of goat…

But then it stands up straight on two legs. It has to be more than 6 feet tall- and its eyes are glowing bright red. Like two tiny pools of fire in the darkness.

“Oh shit” Chase curses as he starts his car, and he’s slamming his foot down and sending the car flying into reverse before you can even comprehend what’s going on.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck” he curses as he swings the car into drive then and presses the gas pedal as hard as he can, the car lurching forward as the tires squeal.

You are sufficiently freaked out, to say the very least. Your heart is pumping fast and fear is shooting through you.

“Chase?! Chase what’s going on? And what the ever loving fuck was that” You hold on to the the armrest with one hand and the roof handle with the other as you squeal at him.

Chase is pushing 90 and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to slow down- if anything he’s going faster.

“It’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine” he tries to calm you down because he can hear the trepidation in your voice.

Really, it should be okay.

They’d found both a spell and a brewed a potion to vanquish the demon- but this wasn’t how he wanted to tell you. This is exactly what he had been dreading.

Bringing you into situations like this.

“Oh really?! You’re going like 100 miles per hour and I just saw...some kind of fucking creature in the field back there, right after we were talking about cults nonetheless. I’m not really feeling like everything’s fine right now. I’m actually feeling like everything’s the opposite of fine! Holy fuck that think had red eyes, Chase!”

“I’m a witch!” Chase Collins had always been bad with timing, and well- that hadn’t ever changed.

Time seems to go still and quiet as you try to process exactly what he just said. You’re not even breathing really.

“You’re a what?” Is all you can choke out.

“A witch- warlock actually. If we’re being technical”

It’s in his voice. You can tell he’s not fucking with you, that he’s dead serious. Although you have a very open mind and believe in all sorts of things...Chase being a warlock?

Your Chase? A magical being?

“I-“

“I’m sorry I’ve been awol, and that I’ve been lying to you but real, honest to god shit, is that me and Caleb, who is also a warlock, accidentally opened a hells gate on the night of the fall fest and let out all kinds of fucked up demons and I’ve been busy trying to round them all up and send them back where they came from. I wasn’t ghosting you. I just didn’t know how to tell you about all of this”

What he’s saying is insane. It’s a fast jumbled mess that pours from his lips, a confession he knows he shouldn't make. A truth he has no business telling you.

And yet he is.

“You’re telling the truth” you deduce and he gives you the side eye. A small glare that says ‘why the fuck would I like about this’.

“And that thing?”

“Is a Braxas Demon. They’re lower level- but still nasty fuckers. If you’d reach into the glove box for me” you do as he instructs as he talks “There” he refers to a small vile of bright purple liquid “that’s a vanquishing potion. If it tries to attack us, which I doubt it will, that’ll kill it”

Trying to be calm in situations like the one you’re in is futile. Honestly. Your adrenaline is pumping without your control and your flight or fight has been turned on. You can’t sit still and even though your terrified of what you’ll see you can’t help that you keep looking behind you out of the rear window, expecting to see that...demon in the road.

Chase calls Caleb, relays the information to him and you can only hear bits of it through the rushing of blood in your ears.

“I found it. Or I guess it kind of found me.

Up by hanged man's turn- that field. Yup.

I was driving with Y/N- yes she’s here with me. Yes, she saw it.

I had to tell her! It started to chase us!

Fuck you! You knew Sarah for a week before you spilled the covens secret, so spare me the lecture.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s still tailing us.

Okay, I’ll meet you there”

And that was the night your life changed forever. 

@peacefulwriter88 @brieannakeogh @supernovasandcoronas @lostinspace33 @4theluvofall @geekyweed @tatathekissypotato @prettybubblesintheair @jaamesbbarnes @wi-atch @sad-af1121 @paulruddx @gifsbysimplysonia @sgtbootybarnes @shayla-markele

So I’ve had this finished in my drafts for FOREVER and I figured what the hell, I haven’t posted in a while and I thought I’d give you guys a lil something. I don’t know whether I want to keep this as just a little one shot- maybe a collection of one shots? Idk I just really love Chase Collins and the vastly under appreciated and under explored world of The Covenant.

[xventix]

A list of great drarry fics:

Harry/Draco

Everything listed should be complete. I link to the first copy of it I stumbled over.

Malfoy Flavor by Vorabiza.

Summary: Harry’s ready to banish the Golden Boy image and take charge of his life. Unfortunately, or fortunately, for him there are still more surprises in store for him. Somewhat of a sixth year, Severitus and Slytherin!Harry fic.

Rec: I can't give a wholehearted endorsement of this, but I did really enjoy it. A lot of the writing/dialogue is quite funny and I'd be fibbing if I pretended I didn't laugh through a lot of it.

Circle of Serpents by Kungzoune.

Summary: Harry and Draco have been in a secret relationship for a while. What happens when the order of the Phoenix finds out

Rec: Not an exceptionally deep story, but I did find it amusing and something pleasant to read to wile away some time.

The Man in Draco's Bed by Cyane Snape.

Summary: Lucius is hysterical…actually he would rather be dead. Draco has arrived at Malfoy Manor just in time for the Christmas Holidays…with his new husband, Harry Potter-Malfoy. The Malfoy Code of Honor™ demands that Lucius protect his new son-in-law and Voldemort is coming for Christmas dinner!

Rec: I howled... enough that my husband finally stared at me like I was more than normally insane and asked what the hell I was hooting about. *wipes away the tear tracks* (There is a sequel, but I didn't enjoy it as much.)

Raspberry Jam by v v c.

Summary: Draco tries not to think of his upcoming transition and the unwanted partner chosen for him by his father. Then he finds he may have a choice after all. Will the faith he puts into his choice be rewarded? HPDM A slow, soft romance.

Rec: I liked this, despite not being a huge fan of magical inheritence/maturity fics. Granted, I had to toss on my rose-coloured glasses and squint slightly at the characterization—these are more mature versions of Harry and Draco—but once I accepted and stepped past that, I was able to merrily read through and appreciate a story that was defined, written nicely, and kept a very steady pace. I also liked some of the theories behind it all, such as the warding on the house at Privet Drive.

Time out of Place by bananacosmicgirl.

Summary: Harry wakes up with a throbbing head, but he soon realizes that a headache is the last thing he has to worry about. And what part does Draco play in it all? Timetravel, AU.

Rec: I don't actually buy into the reasoning behind what happens in this story, but so long as I can remember to ignore that part of things, it's an all right read. In some respects, though, I feel cheated by how it ends, given what happens right before they get "sent back." I see nothing in the list of published fics that would explain the "after."

Deny Thy Father And Refuse Thy Name by Piri Lupin-Snape.

Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 101,523 - Reviews: 229 - Updated: 12-22-02 - Published: 6-4-02

Summary: Harry's in his 7th year and secrets, lies, and betrayals only add to the burdens of who he is. Can love and friendship help him overcome his trials, or will he lose himself forever? HPDM, SSRLSB Severitus challenge fic

Rec: This story was okay, but confusing. Part of the problem is when it was written. There was no OotP, which makes a huge difference when it comes to deciding who is related to who and any number of things that crop up.

I didn't dislike the story, but I don't wholeheartedly love it, either. Chapter 17 (in particular) is like a comic soap opera with the kind of information coming out and the given action. (I was vaguely reminded of the movie Soap Dish, actually.)

Anyone giving it a shot should know within the first chapter or so if they'd want to read the whole thing.

Merlin's legacy by kungzoune.

Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Action/Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 108,048 - Reviews: 809 - Updated: 2-20-07 - Published: 12-16-05

Summary: slash HPDM Harry Potter was destined to be a great leader of the light. Too bad that Dumbledore made the wrong decision and proclaimed Harry's twin sister as the chosen one. Will Harry grow up to become the wizard that he should be or will he be Dumbledo

Rec: No, it's not the best story in the world, and it very definitely falls into what I would consider a super!Harry category (along with a handful of other people in his life). Time travel, the founders, Merlin... still, it's a decent story to spend some time reading. There's not really a lot of angst or even conflict, and what troubles there are seem to be dealt with fairly easily. Tons of gay people! (Well, okay, three gay couples, at least.)

Those less tolerant will find themselves growling at the sheer amount of mistakes, though, as this does need a firm beta with steel wool and scrubbing bubbles. (The redundancy in some places is really awful.)

Seamus is Seamus and You are Yourself by Ari Munami.

Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 28,859 - Reviews: 1412 - Updated: 4-30-03 - Published: 7-27-02

Summary: Harry goes through some... er, changes before Sixth Year. Everyone, including Draco Malfoy, sits up and takes notice. DM/HP.

Rec: It's damn funny to read in my opinion. While it's not marked as complete, the full summary does say it is, so... The idea of Draco Malfoy skulking around in a trenchcoat and trilby....

Single Wizard Seeking Same by jennavere.

Summary: Lovelorn Draco has been secretly pining for Harry for months. He's finally forced into action when ex-boyfriend Blaise shows up. A gift!fic for Prof. McKitten starring an awkward, smitten Draco and a cameo by Harry's chest monster.

Rec: I don't believe it for a second, though it's funny to read this after DH, considering. At any rate, it's romance, and a fairly amusing one at that.

Freudian Slip by jennavere.

Summary: Two years after graduating from Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy is still obsessed with Harry Potter. Fed up, his father makes him get therapy. Harry/Draco Romance/Humor.

Rec: The humor is obvious just from the title, but effective enough to see me chortling my way through this story.

Intrepid Teenage Hero by jennavere.

Summary: To save wizardkind from falling into the Dark Lord's evil clutches, intrepid teenage hero Harry Potter embarks on a dangerous quest: infiltrating Malfoy Manor and getting information from Draco using highly unorthodox methods.

Rec: I'll give this a head nod. It's mildly amusing, but the word that really comes to mind when I read this was "layers."

Gold Tinted Spectacles by Beren.

Summary: Harry's sixth year has come and gone, part of him has been alone. As his seventh year dawns he's looking for something and he's not sure what but he knows it's out there and involves Draco Malfoy.

Rec: If I recall correctly, this has loads of 'super!'ness in it, but that must be okay, or I wouldn't have willingly read this more than once. (Meaning, I'm making this rec without having read it recently.)

Wolf by Aisling-Siobhan.

Summary: Harry Potter is a snake in lions clothing. What happens when he sheds his skin and revels his true green and silver colors to the Wizarding World? Add to the fact Draco is engaged to Ryder Hammond. He doesnt know Ryder and Harry are the same person.

Rec: A rather bizarre story, actually. Somewhat confusing at times what with the time turning, but overall it's an interesting read with some unique twists and definite points of humor.

The Silent Killer by She Who Cannot Be Turned.

Summary: When Harry turns seventeen he finds something out about his past, well… more like about his bloodline. He decides to make good use of it… starting one death eater at a time...

Rec: Ridiculously silly and fairly humorous. Could use a beta, and it is a bit scattered at times, but overall it's a nice way to spend some reading time without having to stress one's brain. (ETA: I forgot to mention the obsession Harry has with CSI, and how he sucks his friends into it as well.)

[kumikirin]

I love your YouTube AU so much thank you for making it! It’s a lot of fun to read and I hope you have more incourgment to finish it! You are really talented and putting together a story like isn’t the easiet thing to do. I hope you have a wonderful day and you keep doing what you love

Oh my god I love you so much you anonymous ray of sunshine. Would you consider marrying me cause this is the kind of positivity I need in my life

Thank you so much for your words!! You’re so kind and you made me feel so warm ;v; I will remember this ask whenever I need encouragement to keep this comic going.

I sincerely hope you have a wonderful day too  ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Another Anon said: So I only just found/got caught up with it, but I LOVE the youtubers au comic!!! It’s so cute, Mina and Kiri are adorable

THANK YOU BBY I’m happy you like them! I really loved Bakugou and Uraraka’s potential friendship from the start, they’re such a brotp for me!

I know it’s been a long time since I last posted a comic, so I hope everyone who’s been waiting for the next part will be happy to know I’ve been trying to make some progress and that tonight I’ll be posting an update ( ˘ ³˘)♥ it’s a short one, just a few panels, but it was what I could do during my long absence.

Another Anon said: Camie is “That One Who Can Make Him Laugh On Camera”? HA! Kiri, she wants to take your place. Show her how to make Bakubeauty laugh 🙂

Oh he will. Camie might have been the first one making him laugh on camera, but Kiri’s the firt one to make him blush on camera ͡ಸωಸ

She just knows the exact things to say to get Bakugou’s sense of humor going.

Another Anon said: Will you draw an extra about the bloopers Kiri and Mina upload to their channel? That’d be so awesome!

fdasghsbd oh man, you’re right, that’d be amazing! But I’m sorry to say I most likely won’t, because I lack the time to load myself with more work than already planned for the comic. If anyone out there wants to, though, you’re completely welcome to draw your own bloopers or videos of any characters! I would totally love to see that.

@owosomeonetookmylove​ said: Will there be any tododeku in the youtube au? Oh and will we see todoroki and Midoriya at all???

No, I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ll be including them at all (◞ ‸ ◟ㆀ) I’d love to add more characters and have everyone interact, but this is already a lot of work as it is now, and I most definitely can’t put more work on myself. It’s already hard enough to keep this comic going. I would have loved to do it, though :c

Another Anon said: so i originally saw your youtuber au posts on insta, and noticed that all the other parts after bakugo is lookin at kirishimas video were gone?? unless i hallucinated them or smth. what happened?? i like it a lot and it made me sad :((

Ohh no, they’re all here on tumblr! I just never posted them on instagram because it was too much of a hassle, and I didn’t have that many followers back then, so it wasn’t like there were many people waiting for them. I will be posting them soon, though! I have to get my accounts moving, and I’ll try to keep them as updated as I can.

Another Anon said: any idea when we’re getting another part to the youtuber au?? don’t rush though!!

Ahh well, tonight’s the night! I’ll be posting the next small comic soon!

I’ve actually had the next comic ready for a few weeks, but I decided to not post it because I didn’t want the pressure of knowing people would perceive my hiatus as being over and come demand I produce content for them.

I’m not saying this because of you, since you were really polite when asking and a lot of other people were too, but there’s people who just come at me in DMs and asks and comments, not only here but on instagram too, to demand I keep the comic going. And honestly, nobody’s paying me for it, I’m just a normal person trying to survive the year and drawing to relax, so when I just can’t draw and people come at me like that, it’s just all the more stressful, and I didn’t want to subject myself to that. So I decided I wouldn’t come back until I was actually ready to, because people can be really pushy and mean and I didn’t wanna deal with that.

I took this opportunity to say this because this is a clear example of how people affect fandoms badly by being inconsiderate towards content creators. We’re not here to serve you. And if you really want a creator to keep producing stuff regularly, even while dealing with their everyday life, then maybe consider buying them a coffee or something, or at least be supportive instead of demanding.

Thank you for giving me the space to say this!

Another Anon said: I love your Youtuber AU, it’s so entertaining to read and Bakugou as a beauty guru is just about the best damn thing since sliced bread! I was wondering if Bakugou has background music in his videos? If so, what are some songs that he would put as his background music?? Thank you and keep up the great work!!

omg thank you!! And yeah, he definitely has bg music! I was actually asked about this by someone else who wanted to make a cosplay video based off this AU and I’m wondering if you’re not the same person lol

But in any case, like I said to them, I’m actually awful at picking music. If I had to pick I’d surely go for something kinda electronic or pop, but not too cute-sounding. I don’t know if this makes any sense (´･ ω ･` ；)

[latina4rmbx]

An Abundance of Love & a Broken Heart

Hi guys!  Let me tell you, I have literally been living a sadness in the mundane existence.  I have been crying at the drop of a hat.  There is a reason, which I will get to - that is the purpose of this post, but shit, enough is enough already.

Whomever has read my “work” has seen that I am in an Open Relationship.  This is where a couple (me and my guy) are together as a couple, but are free to see and date others.  In order to make this work, there has to be an abundance of honesty and trust.

Well, my guy hit the mother load when it came to me because I am honest to a fault.  Even if I look bad in the retelling of events.  I am super honest.  I may be secretive about aspects of my life, but that’s not being dishonest.  It’s being guarded.  

In being in this open relationship (further referred to as OR), the possibility of him or I finding someone we may want to break our open relationship for, has always been there.  A few people have asked questions along that vein.  If you see my post titled “The Relationship Review,” you may also have questions, feel free to ask.  But that post touches on some aspects of this OR and how he and I make things work for us.  Mind you, things don’t work the same for everyone, and people have comments or judgements, that is fine.  It’s not for everyone and everyone has the right to their opinion.

Well during the course of this OR, my guy and I have discussed the possibility of one of us finding someone else that may attract or give us more than what we have now.  I kept it nonchalant and told him, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.  He has even went so far as to tell me what type of person he wanted for me.  Now mind you, these conversations have happened over the course of the past month maybe, so these are the qualities he wants for a man for me:

ME:  Describe, who you believe, would be the perfect guy for me?

HIM:  Someone with no relationship, someone who I know won’t play games keep it 100 across the board that can make you happy take you places and be understanding.

HIM:  Simple

SIDE BAR:  I’m glad a lot of these conversations are via text because I can refer back to them.

He was right.  SIMPLE.  I don’t recall my response to this.  I think it’s simplicity stunned me shut.  It is that simple.  He wants me to have someone who is going to make me happy, take me place, be honest and understanding.  It’s all a girl really wants right?  SIMPLE!

I thought, I’m in my 40′s and I have yet to find that guy, I’m probably not going to find him so this OR is safe.

WRONG!

By coincidence, I have REmet someone who fits the criteria.  I say REmet because I know this person already.   Not intimately, but from past encounters.  Coincidentally, my guy also knows him.  So, because I am so honest, I mention this person I have REmet to my guy and he is just over the moon.  At first I was so confused by it.  Then he explained it to me.  He wants me to be happy with someone and not feel lonely.

He loves me so much, he is willing to let me go be with someone else to make me happy.  I know what you’re probably thinking reader, nah, he’s probably just getting rid of you to move on to other pursuits.  You could be right.  It could all just be a ploy to get rid of me so he can be with someone else.  But reader, it could just be that he genuinely wants me to be happy.  He loves me with all his butt (If you don’t follow me on IG, you wouldn’t get it).

Here’s where it gets a little difficult for me.  This is where I’ve been crying for two days and going through emotional turmoil.  The new guy and I haven’t gone out yet.  We text.  That’s really it.  Being that we already know each other, the banter is easy.  However, my guy knows about the texts and he feels that this is the guy for me.  He’s already made us a couple and we haven’t gone out yet.

This part stresses me out because I think he’s kinda right.  I’m not saying I’m going to marry new guy, I’m just saying that it feels right.  Unfortunately, feeling right with new guy kinda makes it so that my guy and I will not be together anymore and my heart can’t take it.  

I’m not saying I want to be with both guys.  I mean, I can be.  New guy knows about the OR and seems ok with it, so far.  However, if you’re not willing to be in an OR or not the type of person to know that you’re girl with someone else, you will have to make a choice.  I will.  I mean I will have to make a choice.  According to my guy, NEW GUY is the choice to make.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Now, I don’t scream in frustration, I do it because I know he’s right.  If given the choice, new guy will win.  Now my guy is already bracing himself for it.  He’s already packing his bag, figuratively speaking, and leaving it by the door.  I have yet to go out on a date with the new guy and the old guy is already out the door.  This is making my heart break.  

First off, I am the one who is always sacrificing myself and my happiness to make someone else happy (relationship wise).  I never demand more than what I get.  I have never asked for anything in return.  Just time and effort.  It’s all I need and a taco or two :)  Honestly, it’s all so SIMPLE.  However, in this case, my guy is willing to fall on his sword.  

SIDE BAR (2):  I am one of the most pessimistic people I know.  I see the bad in everything and usually point it out.  With him, I don’t see any bad.  Maybe I am brainwashed.  NO it’s not R. Kelly.

So my guy is willing to give me up, to a good dude, that he’s more than sure will take care of me and be all the things he wants for me.  It breaks my heart for myself and for him. He’s a man.  He’s an old school man.  He isn’t the type to wear his feelings on his sleeve or show emotion.  So even if this is hurting him, I won’t really know unless he tells me it’s hurting him.  As honest as we are with each other, I don’t think it’s something he would admit.

But I admit it!  I’ve been admitting it.  I told him he’s jumping the gun.  What if new guy and I don’t have a spark when we see each other.  What if we just don’t like each others company.  His response:  Don’t be negative, be positive.  WHAT?!?!?!  What am I supposed to say to that?  I don’t know, but this is what I did say:  I’m not being negative, I think you’re being too positive.

Fucking guy is hung-ho about this.

UPDATE:  New guy and I are going out on Saturday.  EEEEEKKKKK

I was explaining this to a dear friend of mine.  Here is our conversation (again, via DM, so I can look back and retype):

HER:  Me this week (in response to picture above)

ME:  Me these two days

HER:  I’m here for u too boo never forget that

HER:  This isn't a one sided friendship

ME:  Thanks but it’s my love life.  It’s getting complicated <--DRAMATIC MUCH

ME:  I appreciate it

HER:  All that good eggplant emoji

HER: Smh

ME;  Lmao

ME: So

ME:  Let me try to explain breifly

ME:  I’m in an open relationship.  And the guy i’m in this OR with wants me to find someone who is more full time than part time.  I might’ve around someone. Sort of by coincidence.  He likes the guys and he’s really pushing for me and this dude to get together.

ME: With me so far?

ME:  Thing is, in order to be with the other guy, I will eventually have to stop being with my guy.  This has my heart broken.

ME:  Nothing has happened with the new guy yet.  We haven’t ben been out.  It’s just a feeling I guess we both have about him like it’s IT

ME:  So my feelings are all over the place about it

HER:  Got it

ME:  This is literally me at work

HER:  That wasn’t hard to follow

HER:  Awww babe (really sad face emoji)

ME:  So old guy is pushing away to make room for new guy

HER:  really sad face emoji

ME:  Which is sweet but I don’t him to...yet

HER:  So now you feel conflicted bc even tho old guy can’t give you more, you don’t want to let him go completely.

ME: Yes

HER:  I get it.

ME:  I know I will have to, if it goes that far, but it hasn’t yet.

ME:  He’s really jumped the gun on it.

ME:  And I keep telling him, you’re too far ahead.

ME:  Let’s focus on today and tomorrow we’ll focus on tomorrow

ME:  But he’s really rooting for the new guy.  Like he talks about him because he knows him.  Knew him growing up.

ME:  So I’m heart broken, to say the least

HER:  Yikes

HER:  Well maybe deep down he knows the other guys better for you

ME:  He says it.  He’s a cool dude.  Not about that life. I’m a piece of shit.

ME:  I’m like my man, shut up

HER:  Lol

ME:  That is my life :)  not a bad one I know lol

HER:  But he does seem to be jumping the gun a bit

HER:  lol

ME:  a lot

HER:  I hear you

HER:  Some people have no one

HER:  While you have two

ME:  I know I’m lucky

There’s more to the conversation but the point is written above.  You get the point.  Shit, I get the point.  There is a lot of love in this little, how he said it, 2 month, 6 week relationship.  

However, I’m going to take my own advice.  I’m going to worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  I’m going to focus on today and get through today.  Keep one foot in front of the other and not lose myself.

Stay ten toes down.

XOXO

Thanks for reading.

[shirlleycoyle]

Twitter Is Joking About How Much it Knows About You

Twitter has been on a full-on charm offensive lately, literally printing out people’s tweets and plastering them all over public transportation—as if we needed more tweets in our lives. In doing so, Twitter is reminding everyone that it has a record of every tweet. It's now gone a step further:

Do you, actually, Twitter?

Alex Hern, tech editor at the Guardian, jokingly pointed out that this tweet may be a violation of Europe’s much talked about GDPR, a ground-breaking privacy and security law that has already changed how a lot of companies operate on the internet and allows European users to request the data that companies have collected on them.

I guess we’re all trolling on Twitter, but a company worth billions of dollars joking about how much it knows or remembers about you is really not that funny. Users around the world are demanding tech companies to be more transparent about what data they collect, store, and retain.

Does Twitter actually remember the first tweets of people who delete their tweets regularly? In other words, does it have a backup of deleted tweets? (I asked Twitter and will happily update this when the company gets back to me).

On its official guidelines for law enforcement, Twitter says it “retains different types of information for different time periods.” I’m not a lawyer, but that does not seem to answer my question. There is no clear answer on this other Twitter.com page either.

In an interview with The Verge, Twitter’s product lead said they may be working on some new product features around this larger problem.

“Fear of speaking in public and fear of retaliation or fear of being harassed and harassment means many different things to many people. Or fear of being held accountable for something that is not what you meant. These are some of the biggest reasons why people don’t tweet. Which is why we actually take this very seriously,” Kayvon Beykpour said.

What Twitter does with our tweets, DMs, and other data is a really important question, and in flippantly joking about it, Twitter is reminding all of us that, in the end, we don't really know—but don’t worry, a new feature is coming.

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