#everyone who saw this on twitter already is going to get whiplash

[ghostofsoup]

i have a problem but if i post it after midnight it doesn't count

[norrizzandpia]

can we get pt 2 of 34+35 where yn releases nonsense or positions, everyone is more confused because are we talking about the same guy?? in response all yn does is mention his thighs 💀💀

YES MAAM OFC I LOVE THIS STORYLINE

WHO IS OSCAR PIASTRI? (OP81)

Summary: Oscar and Y/n always loved to mess with the fans. Fortunately, the best way to do that is spill their sex life.

Warnings: sexual conversations, language

Note: THE THIGHS 😫😫😫😫😫 SO MANY WORDS NOT ENOUGH TIME 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

ynnn Nonsense out now! 💋

Comments:

osc81fan I- WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

piaosc ARE WE SURE ALL OF US ARE TALKING ABT THE CORRECT MAN?

- mclarenpiaandlan YEAH WTF HOW IS THIS OSCAR

mclarensgirlll SHE DID THIS LAST TIME AND WE NEVER RECOVERED

- landonorris ILL NEVER RECOVER.

oscarpiastri ITS ABOUT MEEEEEEEE 🤭🤭

- danielricciardo we are aware.

- maxverstappen i think youve said that enough

- charlesleclerc YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE LITTLE OSCAR 😰😰😰

- ynnn definitely not LITTLE oscar 😏

- alexalbon STOP.

——

ynnn maybe i lied? Lookin’ at him doesn’t have me thinkin’ nonsense, it has me thinkin…

Comments:

oscarpiastri my girlfriend everyone 😀

- mclarensgirlll hes probably giggling at his phone at this very moment

- landonorris and youd be right!

maxverstappen IM SO SCARED FOR MY LIFE

- danielricciardo WE CANT ESCAPE IT

- alexalbon HE PLAYS THE SONGS EVERYWHERE

- landonorris IT NEVER ENDS.

ln4andop81 anyone else curious abt what shes going to say on that podcast next week where theyre infamous for asking abt sex????

- oscpastry i bet you oscar will forever be changed for us

- mclarensgirlll he already is 🥲

——

TWITTER

ln4andop81 IN HONOR OF 24 HOURS BEFORE Y/NS PODCAST EPISODE, DROP THE MOST SHOCKING LYRICS FROM NONSENSE DOWN BELOW

- oscpastry “you said you like my eyes and you like the make em roll” SOOOO BASICALLY WHEN WERE THOSE WORDS FALLING FROM OUR BABY’S LIPS????

- mclarenpiaandlan REAL BECAUSE HOW DOES HE EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS 😭😭

- mclarensgirlll I THINK THE LYRIC “opposite of soft” LET US KNOW HE IS WAYYYY MORE EXPERIENCED THAN WE THOUGHT

- piaosc DOM OSCAR????? FUCKING HOW. IN. WHAT. WORLD.

- ynnn this world! 💋

- piaosc IS THIS SOME SORT OF GAME???

- mclarenpiaandlan THE PATTERN IS PATTERNING

- mclarensgirlll ITS SO ICONIC MY BRAIN CANT HANDLE IT

——

TWITTER

ln4andop81 hows everyone doing after that podcast….

- mclarensgirlll “WHO IS OSCAR PIASTRI?” trending on twitter makes me feel less alone after listening to Y/n’s tell all

- mclarenpiaandlan host: “whats your favorite body part of oscar’s?” Y/n: “his thighs” BY THEN I ALREADY KNEW WHAT WAS COMING BUT THE HOST HAD TO KEEP GOING host: *giggling* “why?” Y/n: “10 out of 10 for riding” I THINK MY BRAIN WENT DEAD FOR A SEC

- piaosc GIRLY KEPT GOING TOO host: “did you ask or, like, how did that come about?” Y/n: “well, he was just kind of sitting there, manspread ya know, and he caught on the minute he saw the way i was looking at him. Ive never see him so excited before.” *laughing* “i think he enjoys it more than me!”

- ln4andop81 no words. Host: “so he knows you like his thighs?” Y/n: “Oh my god, yeah! I hate him for it but he purposefully wears his shortest pair of shorts around the house so when he sits, that’s all I see. I’m telling you, Oscar knows how much I love his body and he knows EXACTLY how to use it.” Host: “what do you mean?” Y/n: “just that the shirtless photo i posted of him is one of many and the rest of them could not be up on the internet for longer than 5 seconds before being taken down because they’re borderline all pornographic” OSCAR???? BABY BOY??? WHO ARE YOU.

- mclarensgirlll BRO AND THEN host: “your new song, Nonsense, mentions things being more rough than soft. Is that really true with him?” Y/n: “Are you kidding?! The fans who think he’s super innocent and pure are in for some serious whiplash when i say that he is anything but that. He’s not Oscar when we’re in bed. He’s some alter ego who has no problem fucking against a random wall.” UHHHHHHHHHHH RUE WHEN WAS THIS????

- oscarpiastri now THAT is one thing i wont be answering 😊

- ynnn knowing myself ill probably reveal it in some song in the future 🤦🏼‍♀️

- mclaren maybe try and hold off on that one plz bestie 😙

- landonorris ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^🙏🏻

- danielricciardo ^^

- alexalbon ^^^

- maxverstappen ^

- charlesleclerc ^^^^

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S5 Ep 36 Part 2: It took like 100+ Episodes, but We Finally Found Seto’s Dead Wife

For April Fools I decided to actually make an update on this blog in a timely matter from the last update. Consider yourself Pranked.

So Shada and Seto are having a bit of a fight about how Seto’s just kind of throwing everyone into prison and we’re running out of essential workers. Not that much of a surprise that Shada and Seto don’t like eachother, but it does make you wonder--does anyone in the cult even like Seto other than Aknadin (which...that’s stuff we will get to later at the end of this episode) honestly, it’s kind of hard to tell.

Oh and PS they’re being carried on one of those hand held chariots which makes this whole segment just a lot more funny.

(Even in the past, Seto largely is being used for a ride).

Anyway, he exits the roller coaster and is like “For your information, I’m NOT a mass murderer, SHADA.” In front of like allll these people standing behind him within earshot. To which Shada was like “but you can calm down, youknow? Like can you ever calm down? A little bit? Maybe?”

It was a conversation that does not matter because Shada decided to go along with it anyway, and is now going to help Seto for the rest of this episode just slurping up soul demons, as you do.

Freakin Shadi, man. To think he was just always like this. Helping people one moment, screwing people the next...whatever Shadi, you do you.

(read more under the cut)

During this Episode, Bakura did a lot of artsy shots for the commercials, just shooting his own music video, doing things that really had like...eh no bearing on the plot but I’m sure they looked cool for the trailer.

Here he got really wet and then was like “Time to go kill everyone else, I guess” and then exited the scene.

That’s it, that’s the whole scene, and I’m glad that the creators of this show knows what the fans of their show want: wet Bakura with little reason as to why.

So Seto decides to do some public trials with Shada just square in the middle of the street. A very Monty Python “bring out your dead!” moment because I’m sure everyone just started chucking their neighbors onto the pyre. Like I have this neighbor who has this brand new lawn mulch and bushes they put in because it’s a freakin drought, and they stuck a bunch of signs on it that say “Do Not Poop Or Pee. Be Respectful.” with a picture of a dog with an X over it and also a picture of the police and also a picture of a security camera (which I guess they will hand over to the police? Not sure). That guy would hand over like half the town in a heartbeat.

Really want to know what “disrespect the pharaoh” means in this context, especially since their current Pharaoh has been Pharaoh for 5 minutes and has already burned down the town once and then the next day put the entire city under martial law.

Right about the time Seto was about to give up and go home with just a single dumbass clown in his arsenal, Season 2 happened.

Some footage for your AMVs. Yugioh knew what teens wanted in 2003.

Speaking of over-done fx and what teens wanted in 2003, did you hear that the Avatar the Last Airbender live action Netflix remake cost 15 million dollars an episode to make? :) :) :) :) :) :) Only a matter of time before it gets cancelled and we’re one adaptation closer to an absolutely terrible Yugioh one, you know it’s going to happen. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Anyway it’s been five minutes and Joey ran out of snacks.

(right after I made this post PS, I went onto twitter and saw a tweet that said “You ever open a TinTin from the 80′s that looks like it was drawn in 1870?” so like apparently I was being way more gracious than I thought.)

I figured I’ve used enough TW’s for one Yugioh blog, lets just crop out his entire face, because that’s funnier. Honestly the worst part of him is his accent, and thankfully that can’t be truly expressed with written words.

Besides, we gotta get sidetracked from the genie and meet the wife, who is getting literally stoned to death.

Kind of a lot of whiplash this episode, huh!? But it wouldn’t be an anime without whiplash, would it?

Joey remarks “oh, that’s why the rocks aren’t hurting me like at all.” And it was like...Joey.

Anyway, welcome to Seto’s girlfriend. From what I can gather this episode, this girl is constantly in a state of distress. Like honestly I don’t know much about her, but I dunno if there’s been a single moment in this girl’s entire life where she isn’t in the process of getting killed or being killed, except when Seto is around or when she is a Dragon.

I get that her having the worst monster around means no one likes her, but also...she should just eat them. Like I can see why people like this ship--I don’t want to sound like a ship hater--because she lacks security and he can give her security, and that’s very much part of writing a romantic lead. You have to have two people that lack something that the other person can give them for the audience to fall for it.

But this is very much the token girlfriend that you fall in love with because she needs to be saved by a powerful man, however, she’s already the most powerful monster besides the God Cards. Like she’s freaking buffed as hell, man. So...maybe it made more sense on paper. Maybe it’ll make more sense next episode.

Overall, Yugioh ain’t great at writing girls (or romance) and that is nothing new. They had SO MANY EPISODES of building up this girl, too. But my expectations were low, and they were met.

Anyway Seto arrives and is like “oh crap I know this girl from my childhood oh crap.” and suddenly has a moment of “should I steal her soul demon like I said I would, although no one actually wants me to do that at all, or do I...not?”

Remember that like 10 minutes earlier Aknadin and Shadi and basically everyone was like “just stop taking the demons for five seconds you have enough monsters in your obelisk” but like...Seto promised to do this, because in Seto’s mind, he’s doing this soul stealing to help the Pharaoh, after all--the Pharaoh who is Yami and absolutely doesn’t need him to steal a damn thing because he already has God Cards.

Bro was like “Seto might be ripped but look at the bricks behind him” and yeah. Basically everyone in Egypt lifts in their spare time. Life before the internet, man.

That’s also what I assume everyone in the 1980′s was doing too, instead of sitting around writing Yugioh blog posts and eating these offbrand thin mints.

(You wouldn’t believe it but I drove all the way to Safeway in This Economy and not only is Girl Scout season over, but all of the Keebler grasshopper cookies were gone, so I had to get the Safeway storebrand of the offbrand thin mint and it’s fine. It’s a fine cookie, but it has an aftertaste that is very weird.)

And so Seto whisks away this girl while Shada just kinda lets it happen, because Shada just does whatever.

Not sure why he needed to keep it a secret from Pharaoh though. Was he worried that Yami would be like “No saving dying girls in this house, Seto!” Because while everyone else seems to know about Yami’s personality and overall willingness to save dying human beings--Seto seems dubious.

But Seto is a sort of paranoid person anyway so that tracks.

Next time we find out more about dragon girlfriend and if she ever had a good day in her entire life and you already know, she has not.

Anyway, here’s the list of each episode in chrono order for you if you want to read these from the beginning:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[n-ugg]

I didn't expect to get tagged but here we are. As you all will be able to tell in a bit, I am a massive Quackity fan

Thank you for tagging me @skeetlehands!

who is your favourite member on the smp?

Look, I love them all but these have a special place in my heart.

Quackity, Slimecicle (I am fully aware he just joined but I still love him), Schlatt, Tubbo, Eret, AweSamdude, and Ponk.

They're just great in and out of character and just have comforting vibes.

when did you first start watching the smp and what made you get into it?

I gotten in during the Pogtopia era since it took me a while to get access to the streams.

I mainly gotten in with the Sad-ist War animatics along with me trying to catch up on Quackity's VODS. Just someone that I was already familiar with being an easier shift into story and learning others through him

what is your favourite part about watching the smp?

Just watching everyone interact with other and just seeing the plot progress in real time. Its literally just dnd but with extra steps but I enjoy it so much

The improv that they all do is amazing and how everyone have different approaches to their characters makes my writer's side so happy with dissecting everything.

What piece of cursed lore is your favourite

That Wilbur canonically fucked a fish and Philza canonically fucked a Samasung fridge and just seeing the fanbase try to change into something that will at least make a bit more sense.

Im included in this, I basically joined the side that has Sally being a mermaid shapeshifting pirate. Mainly because of pirate Fundy

Who is your favorite duo on the smp

Slimecicle and Ranboo: They're the same person but in different fonts, you can convince me otherwise

Schlatt and Quackity: They managed to be super funny together with all of the jokes and balanced with making a very realistic abusive relationship work. It was always fun seeing them flirt with each other for a joke then get hit with whiplash when canon comes in to remind me that this isnt healthy

Tubbo and Tommy: They're two dumbasses who share the same braincell but then they constantly lose it and Tubbo mainly has custody of it

Wilbur and Schlatt: I just enjoy seeing Schlatt messing with Wilbur and occasionally flirts with him to get Wilbur more pissed off

Who are your comfort streamers

Quackity and Slimecicle are comfort streamers

Eret, Fundy, and AweSamdude are my comfort people (meaning I dont watch them as much but I find comfort in their presence. And the other two are also under this category)

Who is your favorite character

Quackity due to how complex his character is and yet how it looks so simple

Schlatt because is just a villian who knows how to play the game without getting caught

Tubbo, watching him trying to be hopeful with everything destroy around him and he just slowly become used to everything going wrong

AweSamdude because he is just trying his best to be a father figure others and I just got family issues

Who do you think the best actor(s) on the smp

Imma skip over the ones that we all already said and get into the ones that dont get enough praise

Quackity: Just how he managed to make his character seem so basic but in reality its really complex. And just seeing the shift from him being a chaotic force of nature to being a serious character that is trying his best to reach something that has been hanging over his head is just *chefs kiss* and he always delivers amazing lines on the spot.

BadBoyHalo: He is doing great right now, even though he is a bit rusty with starting he still manages to get into character and stay in character the entire time. When slowly easing in, you can tell its a bit forced but once he finds his footing, he knows how to deliver his lines.

AweSamdude: His entire bit where he was getting rescued from the egg fucking hurt. How he sounded weak from the entire thing and tired to where he just wanted to rest was so well. And I know he can act more energetic when he was accidentally dragged into playing a cop during Quackity's and Bad's date

Fundy: You guys need to give him more praise for his acting because he is fucking amazing at it. The little touches to how he voice when speaks is so good along with his body language in game. He knows what he's fucking doing and I love him for that. And when he snapped, it made complete sense if you payed attention to his character

I didnt add Ranboo because he's automatically at the top section due to him being a dnd player. Same goes to Slimecicle even though he hasnt acted yet. I dont make the rules. You play dnd, you know how to act

What are your favorite quotes

I dont have favorite quotes, just dialog heavy scenes.

Before Doomsday, Quackity going to take his horse far away from L'Manberg, it being the one thing he cares about. It was just so good

The entire Schlatt and Quackity argument in front of the white house

The meeting between Schlatt and Quackity with Schlatt yelling out to him in a taunting way to where Tommy and Quackity are trying to figure out what happened to the tnt. I constantly rewatch it to feel the adrinaline pumping to feel something

Wilbur's slow descend into insanity and talking to Tommy. Just showing his paranoia and fears consuming him, him projecting his fears into Tommy as an attempt of manipulation, and his hero complex shift into villian one

Schlatt's winning speech of him projecting it as something that was bound to happen no matter what. The amount of charisma and confidence that was in his voice as I was watching Tommy hiding underground in fear was just a perfect scene

Tommy's argument with Dream when everyone is protecting Tommy. Its the small details of Tommy taunting Dream to kill him, knowing he wont no matter what. Him telling everyone to protect Tubbo and everyone listening without hesitation.

The debate that Quackity and Dream had for like 11 or 14 minutes. All of that was completely unprompted unscripted, it was just so satisfying seeing someone stand up against Dream for the first time and actually beating him. Sure it was in a verble conflict but it still counts as a defeat

Be honest, who do you simp for? (Ayo if anyone says Tommy or Tubbo I will🗡)

Schlatt, Quackity, and Slimecicle

Its pretty obvious, I dont really try to hide it

Whats your favorite stream

Uhhhh I dont exactly have one so none I guess

Whats your least favorite streams

Im sorry, but all of the Jackbox stream. You need a specific group of people to play together in order to actually make it funny and keeping the energy throughout the entire thing.

After a bit later, everyone has a tendency of pandering to the audience and repeat jokes. They managed to beat jokes to the ground faster than Tiktok AND Twitter.

Dont get me started with DreamTeam being in there. They're funny in thier own rights but the shipping jokes get so unfunny so quick and they dont know how bounce off of others well. The only exception to this is when Quackity, Velvet, and Ant were playing with Sapnap and Dream. And thats because they decided to mess with the straight white guys into accidently saying offensive shit and seeing those two suffer with trying tiptoe around was so amusing

Whats something about the smp fandom thay makes you sad

This doesnt get me sad, just frustrated and its mostly towards dsmptok and dsmptwt but sometimes this fandom doesnt fucking know how to analyze characters. Like when everyone jumped on Tubbo on being the bad guy when he was a kid trying to use old tatics that knows that worked before and stand up for himself

How when one person decides to do something that they believe is right, everyone just throws the term villian arc around

When one person does one good thing the suddenly everyone accepts into them being good and not ever looking into it.

For fucks sakes, I saw people keep saying that Quackity was turning into Dream or Wilbur and I just sat there being confused on how they conntected those dots that were in different books.

Its so frustrating to read through. But here on dsmpblr, you guys actually understand character analysis, are able to critique them and able to love whoever you enjoy.

Another thing is how this fanbase really puts everyone on a pedestal or objectify them. Just completely forgetting that they're human and treat the streamer as a character. Like, yeah they're playing up a persona whenever they're making content but theres a difference and you shouldn't hold them up like that.

You cant use the argument of "They're young, they dont know any better", when I first entered my first fandom (I was like 11/12), I fully understood that theres a boundary between me and the creator. What they are on screen is a persona but they're still human and I should treat them as such. Its just something that bugs me and its unnerving to see whenever people start getting wierd about it

Final bit is just how the twitch chat acts. They all force the streamer to follow the 'main' plot of it being Tommy or Techno or whoever the fandom chooses to have a favorite, completely ignoring the fact that they are their own character. No one wants to meta game because where is the fun in that but the fucking chat gets so annoying when the streamer goes against fanfavorite of the week. It drains the fun of it being multiple pov's and different characters.

When Slimecicle was barely starting stream I saw so many people spam "Go with Ranboo" and not let him even get into lore first. I hated that I knew it was coming but it was still so fucking frustrating seeing them try to boss him around. Please just let people live outside of the 'main' plot, not everything revolves around your favorites. Now shut the fuck up and let them play

What about the smp fandom that makes you happy?

The people that create art, animatics, theories, playlist, or write oneshots

All of you creators are great and deserve so much more respect then what the fandom gives you because jesus fucking christ they're all so fucking rude. You guys are the ones that are carrying this fandom on your backs and I fucking respect yall for that

________________

Time for da spead: @nixavia @dambette404 and @mocha-is-lost yall dont need to join.....unless😳😳😳

[peterparkerstarker]

Better Soon

ngl, this is me working through all my feelings about my own recent breakup, i’m pretty dang proud of this as fic in general, and it was really cathartic to write out

cw/tw: Starker, Peter is in college, post breakup feels/angst

The hardest thing about the breakup, Peter realized, were the things that caught him off guard.

He’d go hours, days even, without thinking too hard about it, and then something would smack him in the face with memories and he’d feel that wound, fresh and stinging all over again.

He’d done all the right things at first, had unfollowed but not unfriended Tony on social media, blocked his web browser from showing any articles that mentioned him, tried his best to create some space for himself to not be bombarded by Tony’s image and memory. 

He’d done everything he was supposed to do to heal after a break up he’d never wanted. But how the hell was he supposed to escape Tony Stark when Iron Man was everywhere? 

He’d retreated back to his apartment in Queens with Aunt May, the Avengers compound too full of memories and reminders, but he found that his room was crammed full of things that made his heart clench every time he saw them. 

Tickets to the Dodgers game that Tony and Steve had taken him to, pinned on his bulletin board next to a poster about a lecture Tony had given 3 years ago at MIT, before any of this had started. An old tie that they'd left haphazardly on the floor, unfashioned too roughly from Tony's neck after the gala they’d gone to last month. And about a million other things on top of that.

He’d tried to coexist with it at first, had hoped that if he didn’t disturb the items, didn’t box them up like he knew he ought to, that it wouldn’t actually be real, that maybe they’d still get back together. He knew it was in vain, but he hoped.

They hadn’t texted since that night, hadn’t exchanged one goofy selfie, or good morning text, or a single update about how their day was. 

It felt like a whole chunk of his life was ripped out, his phone silent and boring. Ned and MJ and May and the other Avengers had all tried to check in on him, all tried to support him through this. But he found himself resenting their messages of well wishes and support. He wanted his phone to chime with a text from Tony. Wanted an apology for making the biggest mistake of his life. A desperate plea for forgiveness. 

But instead he had nothing from him for 5 days. 

And it ate him up inside. 

He found himself searching for Tony’s name online, wanting to find signs of the man missing him. But each time he scrolled through Twitter and Instagram, his heart broke just a little more.

There was nothing for the first couple days. That had made sense. Peter got the sense that Tony hadn’t told a lot of people about ending things. And besides, they were never able to be very public online, the potential for public backlash and scrutiny too high for them to risk in their newly budding romance. 

It had made sense at the time. But now it hurt that no one beside his closest friends really knew. 

He didn’t want to be dramatic and childish by broadcasting his heartbreak all over Facebook, but it hurt that all these acquaintances from high school and distant relatives thought he was fine, that everything was smooth sailing as usual. It hurt that none of them really knew. 

And then, after a few days of obsessively checking and breathing a sigh of relief that there were no new posts, he started seeing signs of activity. Likes on their mutual friends posts, comments here or there, Tony posting a meme onto his story and a selfie on Snapchat. 

The world kept turning, and Tony was moving on. 

But Peter’s heart broke all over with each self-sabotaging click on Tony’s name.

Peter tried to keep a level head. Knew that whatever he posted would speak volumes about how well he was handling this to everyone in the know. So he posted once or twice a day, sometimes a selfie with a vague but positive caption, reblogged a funny post about Steve's hair.

He wanted to prove he was doing okay to the outside world, but especially to Tony, if he was seeing Peter's posts. He didn’t know if it actually worked, and he was too scared to ask.

He knew it wasn’t healthy, this compulsion to check on Tony’s Snap story or make sure he hadn’t unfollowed Peter on Instagram, but it was all he had. The last tangible connection to the life he’d been building with Tony. And as much as it tore him open each time and salted the inflamed skin, he couldn’t stop. 

Deep down he didn’t think he wanted to stop, he wasn’t ready to let go.

The first message from Tony in nearly a week had been practically transactional, about exchanging their items. 

He’d cried that night, suppressed sobs that wrenched from his aching lungs and chest, trying to stay quiet enough to not wake up May and worry her. 

But he’d eventually pulled himself together and dutifully packed up Tony’s items, the five months of their relationship together fitting neatly into one medium sized box. It felt kind of nice, actually, to fold up each sweater or undershirt and say goodbye to yet another piece of Tony. 

But it also felt so pathetic, how little space Tony's things took up in his tiny bedroom when he put them all together. He said goodbye silently to them, and kept it together the rest of the afternoon, smiling and chatting with May, pretending that he wasn’t bleeding inside from the pain of it all. 

And then he’d broken down on his way to the subway; a poster of Tony on a gigantic billboard that caught him off guard, made him feel like he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stop feeling the knife digging in deeper and deeper. It was mortifying, and no one on the crowded sidewalk gave him a second glance, let alone stopped to ask him if he was okay, they were all too busy with their own thoughts. No one cared that his life was burning down around him.

Eventually he pulled himself together once more, got on the subway, and rode it to the stop he knew so well. He felt numb, but that was better than feeling everything, numb was better than the gut wrenching loss he’d been living with for 6 days now. 

At least he hoped it was.

God, he really hoped it was.

And then he finally saw Tony, coming down into the lobby of his building. It was the first time he’d seen the man since that night, when he’d sat with Peter on his tiny bed in Queens and told him he didn’t see a future with him and that he wanted to cut things off before it went any further. 

Peter knew Tony had tried to do the right thing, tried to respect Peter enough to not lead him on any more than he already had. But it didn’t stop it from hurting. Didn’t stop Peter from feeling numb when he laid eyes on Tony now.

He’d awkwardly handed off the box to him, and Tony invited him up to the penthouse to collect his boxes. Of course he had more stuff to lug back home than he’d brought. He’d spent practically all his time at the tower, Tony's bed was nicer, and it was close to his university. 

It had made sense at the time.

They stopped in the hallway, Tony asked him about some mundane television show that was suddenly popular and for a very brief moment, it felt like old times, like they were just Tony and Peter, catching up after a long day and about to go grab dinner. 

It felt nice... comfortable even, and he found his hope rising like the traitor it was, but it was over all too soon, and  suddenly Tony was helping him carry the second box down stairs and out to a car he’d called for Peter. Peter cracked a bad joke that rang too true for the pain he was feeling and he winced, embarrassed and angry at himself for not playing it cool. They awkwardly wished each other a good night and that was it, the culmination of 5 months of his life with Tony. 

He cried on the way home, tears slipping fat and wet from his face as he called Ned and began to sob.

And now it was weeks later, Peter still didn’t quite know how to function with this Tony shaped hole in his life. He still felt the whiplash of seeing something that reminded him of a good memory together, still felt the compulsion to look him up online, but he tried his best to resist. 

Most days it didn’t work, but it was getting incrementally easier to handle the wave of panic that hit each time he saw something that proved Tony was moving on, was leaving him and the love he thought they’d shared behind. 

He missed being touched. 

Sometimes he wanted to be fucked senseless, to not feel any of the feelings he couldn’t shove down. 

Sometimes he just wanted to be held and caressed and loved in the way only a boyfriend could. 

Most of the time he just missed not feeling alone. Nights were the hardest, too quiet and hardly anyone awake to chat with and keep his mind occupied. Nights had been their time, and it still hurt most then,

He didn’t know when he’d be okay, be at peace with it. But he was still trying, still trying to be kind to himself and to the people who loved him. He was still trying to be better everyday. He hoped it would get better soon, he really missed the bubblegum feeling of being happy and in love. 

He hoped he would get better soon, he deserved to be happy, he kept reminding himself.

Peter was so grateful for the people in his life who listened and encouraged him, so glad to be feeling a little better each day, but it was the little things that caught him off guard and made him feel sad and alone all over again. It would get better soon, he told himself.

He truly hoped it would get better soon.

[thepandapopo]

A Step Through Time Chapter 2: Context

I'm trying something different.

My previous chapter was written in active voice because I generally prefer writing like that (more engaging, easier to write etc. ), but I wanted to practice writing in passive voice as well. I've read so many fics lately where authors write in past tense and passive voice and it's absolutely AMAZING, and I wish i could do that too. Thus, I've decided that any Felix centric chapters I write will all be in active since he's technically from the future so present tense is as close as I can get, and any Sylvain centric chaps will be written in passive voice/past tense since it's in 'the past'. ish. kinda.

Pairing: Sylvain x Felix

Synopsis:

In which Sylvain wallows in his self hatred before Felix comes to provide him context.

OR

The one where Sylvain is so incredibly dense and Felix has to all but spell it out for him.

Please consider following me on Twitter to receive progress updates and notifications when I post chapters! If you would like to be added to a tag list for this fic, please send me a message :)

Fatherhood suited Felix.

But then again, Sylvain thought absently to himself, he always knew that it would. Although Felix put up an exterior that was colder than the frigid Faerghus winters, he was always patient and gentle with children; never hesitating to unwearyingly pass down his swordsmanship if asked.

Sylvain had always loved children, but the problem was that he did not love women. At least, not in the way that was needed to be able to actually form a healthy relationship and conceive a child. Years of being pressured with talks of marriage proposals and being clinically ogled by women who only saw him for his crest had left a bitter taste in his mouth. Not to mention he would never want his child to be shackled with the burden of a crest in this world. A crest wasn’t a status of nobility like everyone believed. No, it was a death sentence given shortly after birth.

He would be lying though, if he said that he had never imagined a faceless red haired child running into his arms with gleeful shouts of ‘Daddy!’ ringing off the halls of the Gautier estate.

But Felix. Felix had never cared about crests. No, Felix had always liked Sylvain for Sylvain. The youngest Fraldarius had always had a knack for stripping away the red head’s carefully constructed masks, peeling them away with his eyes like they were paper thin and nothing more than a slight hindrance, piercing down to his very core and laying bare everything that Sylvain was. And even when he stripped away all the beautiful lies and cover ups and only the gross ugly truth of who Sylvain Jose Gautier remained… even then, Felix never turned away from him.

Future Felix was… different.

Sylvain wouldn’t necessarily say that Future Felix was purposely ignoring him, but he was most definitely going out of his way to avoid interacting with the Gautier. Even now, as Sylvain stood partially obscured by the shadow of one of the monastery pillars watching the older swordsman sit patiently while his daughter – Sophia Gabriella Fraldarius, was how Future Felix introduced her - gleefully weaved an impressive assortment of wildflowers into his long midnight hair, Sylvain felt a tightness in his chest.

Although Sylvain entertained the idea of one day siring a child, he would give up that dream in a heartbeat for the chance to spend the rest of life with Felix.

He wanted Felix, or he wanted no one.

But Sophie… little Sophie was proof that Felix did not feel the same.

Goddess. He had taken lances to the stomach, and even been nearly burned alive by a Bolganone spell, but none of those could compare to the pain of having his deepest hope undeniably ripped away from him.

“Sylvain.”

He nearly gave himself whiplash with how quickly he swiveled to face the newcomer behind him.

“Oh hey, Professor! Didn’t see you there.”

“Are you spying on Future Felix and Sophie?”  Her mint eyes fixed on him in a cool, calm manner just daring him to lie to her.

“Ahaha…” he scratched the back of his head. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, for one, you’re hiding in the shadows.”

“Professor! I am wounded that you doubt me so.” He clutched his chest dramatically.

Although he knew that his puppy eyes never worked on his former teacher, years of carefully fabricated masks made it second nature and he felt his face contort into a sad pout before his mind could catch up.

Maybe this was why Felix ended up marrying someone else.

How could he ever want someone as fake and broken as Sylvain?

“Sylvain.”

“Professor, I swear I was just passing by and momentarily paused to see what they were doing.” Not a complete lie; Technically Sylvain had just been passing through the courtyard when he spotted Future Felix casually sitting on the grass, carefully watching Sophie as she went digging through the wilder patches of vegetation that had been ignored while they restored the rest of the monastery, on a hunt for any kinds of flowers she could get her hands on.

Except that was close to ten minutes ago and he most definitely was spying now.

Byleth looked at him with an expression that he could only describe as torn between complete skepticism and sympathy.

“Very well, if you insist.” Sylvain felt his shoulders sag with relief. “I will see you at our roundtable strategy meeting this afternoon?” She turned to leave but turned her head towards him waiting for his answer.

“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Byleth nodded her farewell and Sylvain watched as her overcoat fluttered in her wake. He would have to be more careful around her – the last thing he wanted was for her to invite him to a tea party so that she could grill him on why he was so distracted lately.

It wasn’t his fault that the presence of a certain child was making him act out of sorts.

“Sylvie!”

Speaking of.

Sylvain turned and smiled down at Sophie who was grinning at him. In her grubby little hands, she held out a drooping orange pansy.

“Oh, is this for me?” Sylvain kneeled down so that he was eye level with Sophie and reached out to accept the flower. Before he could wrap his much larger hand around the delicate stem, she quickly retracted her hand.

“For you! In your hair like Papa.”

The bright orange would look washed out in his own brightly colored hair, but he could not bring himself to care and bent his head to allow Sophie better access. When she was finished, she gave his head a little pat of satisfaction and he winked at her. “Does it make me look pretty?”

“Sylvie is always pretty! But not as pretty as Papa.”

“Oh, is that so?” From the corner of his eye, Sylvain watched as Future Felix approached and plastered on the most convincing casual grin he could muster. “Well, I suppose I cannot argue with that. Your Papa is very pretty after all. Probably the prettiest I’ve ever seen.”

“Insufferable as always.” Felix rolled his eyes and settled against the stone pillar next to him. The words were familiarly harsh, but the lack of bite behind it made it seem odd.

Ignoring the nervous coil in his gut, Sylvain turned his attention back to the little Fraldarius child. “He looks especially pretty with all the flowers. You did such a wonderful job, Sophie!”

Goddess, current Felix was already strikingly handsome, but Future Felix was in a whole other league. While he normally kept his hair up in a long ponytail, today he decided to wear it down in a braid that cascaded over one shoulder, tumbling in a waterfall of ink ending just slightly below his chest. The stark contrast of the bright flowers in his hair served as a glaring reminder that this Felix was much softer and settled in his own skin than his Felix was.

Silence descended on the pair as Sophie dashed back into the tall grass to pick more flowers ‘to make Sylvie a crown’.

“So…”

“You don’t have to talk, you know.” Sylvain let out a nervous chuckle. At least the future Felix was still blunt and straight to the point.

“Sorry. Nervous habit.”

“…I know.”

Of course, he did. Felix could always read him like an open book; though whether that was from a literal lifetime of friendship or if it was because he was the only one to actually take the time to get to know Sylvain as a person was entirely up for debate.

It took an embarrassingly long time for Sylvain to calm his heartbeat, but after he had managed to wrangle his growing attraction to the future version of his crush, Sylvain had to admit that the quiet companionship was…nice. Not that he would ever say that aloud – given his reputation of putting his foot in his mouth whenever it came to Felix, Sylvain was one hundred percent sure that he would somehow mess things up even more, leading to the Future Felix avoiding him even more than he was already.

He didn’t want Felix to avoid him. Either Felix. But ever since Sophie showed up, his Felix began drawing away and sequestering himself even more than usual.

“…Just spit it out already.”

“What?”

To anyone else, they would have described the look that Felix had on his face as exasperated, but Sylvain knew better. Though he lacked the rigid set of his shoulders that he was used to seeing in his Felix, his crossed arms and cock of the hip was the same as always – closed off from the world like he couldn’t care les. However, the liquid molten amber of his eyes was enough to show that he was willing to wait for as long as it took Sylvain to share.

“Silence doesn’t suit you,” Felix snorted. “No matter how many times I tell you to shut up, you never seem to take my advice. The only time you actually stop blathering on is when you have something you want to say but you’re too scared to do it.”

Suddenly Sylvain wished that Future Felix would go back to avoiding him.

“Sorry. I just-“

“Sylvain.”

Backed into a corner, Sylvain blurted out the one thing that had made a permanent home in his mind ever since he had laid eyes on their time travelling guest.

“I like your hair like this. Long, I mean.” The words tumbled out of his mouth in a rush. “It suits you.”

For a moment, Felix looked at him with an inscrutable look – almost like he was sizing him up while also trying to supress some unknown emotion.

After a brief pause, the only response that Sylvain received was a short but amused, “I know.”

Sylvain felt his eyebrow rise in surprise. “You know? What does that mean?”

“Someone told me that they preferred me with long hair. So, I decided to grow it out.”

“Seriously?” Felix had once chewed him out for simply suggesting that he buy an pair of fancier boots for formal functions, so the idea that he would grow out the one thing he took pride in his appearance for someone else was, for lack of a better word, complete bullshit. “You’re growing out your hair because someone told you they preferred you with long hair? I know for a fact that it annoys you if it grows past your shoulders and you never really cared for other’s opinions, so what’s the real reason?”

Felix shrugged, dislodging a white daisy in the process and sending it tumbling down before he caught it and returned it to its rightful place. “Believe what you will. You know I don’t lie.”

It was true. In all their years as friends, Felix had never once lied to Sylvain; not even when he was spitting mad at him for jumping into danger headfirst or missing training for a date with another nameless girl.

Whoever said it, they clearly had a lot of sway in Felix’s opinion. Which meant that they must be extremely close to him; close enough that he – oh.

“Did your…” Fuck why was his throat so dry all of a sudden? “Did your wife tell you that?”

Of all the responses that he had expected to receive, a violent choke and spluttering was not one of them.

“My what? Goddess, no.” Felix clutched his chest as he wheezed and glared at Sylvain with exasperation. “Don’t be stupid.”

“What’s so stupid about that? It’s a pretty solid guess, in my opinion.” Sylvain willed his voice to stay light and aloof even while his heart was twisting and doing flip flops in his chest. “You’d only listen to someone who you really cared about, and seeing as you’re married-“ he jabbed a finger at the glittering onyx band, “-I assume that your significant other would be the only one who could possibly influence your appearance choices.”

Everything in Sylvain’s body screamed at him to drop the subject and run away as fast as possible, but his curiosity made him stay even though his chest felt like Raphael had dropped one of his large training boulders on him. Distantly, a part of Sylvain’s mind wondered that he might possibly be a masochist.

“You…” Felix frowned at him and straightened to face Sylvain fully. “You really don’t know, do you?”

Tilting his head, Sylvain felt his brows scrunch up even as the question left his lips. “Know what?”

Clearly, he had missed a memo and was very interested in remedying that.

“Shit, I know you told me but I didn’t really think that it was true. There was no way it could be true.” The hand adorned with his wedding band came up to scrub down his eyes. It was odd seeing Future Felix look this uncertain; for a guy who had literally lived the present day already, it was strange that something could cause him to look so conflicted.

“Sylvain, you’ve never once gotten me to come with you to ‘pick up girls’, so what on earth makes you think I have a wife?”

“Uh. I don’t know, maybe your wedding band?!”

“Sylvain. I don’t like women.”

Yeah well, neither did Sylvain, but that was neither here nor there.

“You don’t need to like women to get married and have a kid.” Felix couldn’t argue with that. Sylvain was literally the poster boy for a noble trapped in a life of obligation to his crest. “Which you clearly do.” To prove his point, Sylvain jerked his thumb over towards where Sophie was still digging through the dirt and pulling out flowers by the bunches, adding them to the already overflowing mismatched bouquet in her other hand.

Felix’s hand twitched and Sylvain had the vaguest feeling that the man was trying his best not to stab him.

“No, Sylvain.” Uh oh. There was that tone again. “I don’t like women. At all.”

“Yeah, Fe. I get it. Women are awful.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Why can’t you just understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

“Because you’re not telling me anything to help me understand! Give me context, or something.” Sylvain threw his hands up in the air in frustration. Clearly Felix did not learn to improve his communication in his extra twelve years of existence.

“Fine.” Felix groused. “You want context? I’ll give you context. Sophie!”

At the mention of her name, Sophie perked up from her place in the tall grass and hurried to scramble over, trampling some poor flowers and quite a large number of weeds in the process.

“Yes, Papa?” There are smears of dirt on her face and grass stains streaked across her dress, but despite it all, Sylvain thought that she still looked as radiant as ever. Of course, that was a given since any child of Felix’s was bound to be beautiful.

“Do you remember what I told you before about not mentioning that word?” Felix kneeled and tucked a loose crimson lock back in place.

Sophie nodded.

“I’m going to ask you a question that I want you to answer. Don’t worry about breaking the promise, okay? It’s fine to mention it just this once.”

“Okay, Papa.”

Felix’s gaze locked on Sylvain’s and he could literally feel the weight and purpose behind his stare.

He wanted context? Felix was more than happy to deliver.

“Sophie, can you tell Sylvie where you got your sword?”

Sword? What in Fodlan did a sword have anything to do with -

“It was a gift from Papa and Daddy!”

Sylvain’s thoughts screech to a halt.

Papa and…Daddy?

Sylvain. I don’t like women.

I don’t like women. At all.

For the second time today, Sylvain had half a mind to feel embarrassed at how slowly he put the pieces together; only managing to gape at Felix who looks half relieved that Sylvain finally, finally understands, but also half apprehensive.

Holy shit.

Felix fucking Fraldarius was gay.

[smooshjames]

forget you not (iii)

uh-oh, uh-oh, here i go again (or: interviews and old friends)

word count: just under 4k

a/n: part 3 of forget you not! i was gonna post this yesterday and then i totally forgot, but it’s here now! once again, the band in this story is based on little mix and i didn’t write any of the songs referenced (this chapter’s songs can be found here, here, here, and here). at the risk of sounding annoying, i have a ko-fi if you’d like to donate, but don’t feel obligated to do so!! if you can’t or don’t want to that’s totally fine, thank you for taking the time to read my work regardless of if you can spend money on it or not. i hope you enjoy!!

warnings: angst (again)

previous parts: one, two

Sunday morning brought with it more Twitter notifications than you’d gotten in a long time. Your alarm went off obscenely early yet again; you had a full day ahead of you. The band was recording a new single which would be released sometime later in the year (the date was still up in the air) and you had decided to do it while you were in LA since you could work with a few producers that you’d never met before.

So, at five o’clock in the morning, you rolled over in your hotel bed and groped around on your nightstand for your phone. You shot upright when you saw how many notifications you had, a bolt of panic going through you at first. What the hell could’ve happened to result in so much activity?

You scrolled through a couple of your mentions before you got to a tweet from some gossip site. There was a photo of you from the concert the night before, probably taken by a fan if the quality was anything to go by. You were mid-note, your mouth open around a word, and it was pretty obvious that you were crying. The tweet read: “‘You never brought me flowers’! Y/N Y/L/N tears up while singing her band’s hit song Towers. Could there be a mystery man that caused her to get so emotional on stage…?”

Carly mumbled a good morning from the bed next to yours. You didn’t reply. You barely even noticed her leaving the main area of the room and heading into the bathroom; you were too busy looking through the replies to the tweet. They were all pretty tame, but you still felt a pit opening up in your stomach. You didn’t have any press that day since you were recording the new single, but the next day was chock-full of interviews and other promotional shit. Your Twitter feed was showing no signs of slowing down, and you really didn't want to have to explain to some random interviewer that you'd been crying because you still weren't over a breakup from five years ago.

“Everything okay?” Carly asked. You looked up, startled, and realized that she had come back from the bathroom. “You seem… distraught.”

You beckoned her over to your bed and showed her the original tweet from the gossip site. Carly gasped and took your phone from you, beginning to scroll through the replies. “Jesus,” she said. “This’ll be a shitstorm.”

“I know,” you replied. You glanced over at the clock on the nightstand and sighed; you needed to get up and ready for the day. Carly gave your phone back to you.

You muted your Twitter notifications for the time being, not wanting to be distracted while you were recording the new single. If an interviewer brought it up you’d just find a way to gloss over it.

You shuffled into the bathroom and did your usual morning routine. You decided to forego makeup for the day since you’d just be sitting around a studio all day, anyway. You dressed in comfortable clothes for the same reason. You figured it would be a little bit hard to focus on recording if you were in heels or tight jeans or something similarly uncomfortable, and you wanted to save your remaining nice clothes for the following day, anyway. Sweatpants and an old t-shirt it was.

Once you were dressed and somewhat ready to face the world, you and Carly grabbed your bags and went out into the hallway. Alexis and Piper were still in their room next door, but they let you and Carly in so that you could all sit and talk while they finished getting ready. Once you were all good to go, you met up with Michelle in the lobby and got into the car that would take you to the studio.

It was a pretty cool space; chill, with couches and chairs spread out around the mixing board where the producers would work their magic. You met the audio engineers as you were walking in, and everyone shook hands and went in to get to work. They seemed nice, and they definitely had a lot of cool ideas for what might enhance the song’s sound. You and the rest of the band had already worked out the lyrics and a basic melody, but the recording technicians had some ideas to really make the song pop.

The day passed in a blur of singing and listening and revising, and then repeating the process all over again. By the time you left, the sun was touching the western horizon and the song was almost finished; just a few final edits before it would be perfect and ready for release. “We’ll get it to Michelle in the next couple of days,” one of the producers said.

You were exhausted as you collapsed back into your hotel bed, but it was a good sort of exhaustion; the kind of sated tiredness that comes with a good day’s work.

You were flying so high, in fact, that you’d almost forgotten about all the Shayne drama. You fell asleep with a slight smile on your face, and your sleep was peaceful and dreamless.

***

That pleasant warmth of a job well done was ripped from you almost as soon as the next day began. Your first interview was with a local radio station, and it went alright for about five minutes; you exchanged pleasantries with the hosts, Joe and Maggie, and sat down between Carly and Alexis for your interview.

The hosts did their intro, introduced the band, and explained that you were currently in LA on the west coast branch of your current tour. Once that was done and the band had all said hello, Maggie turned to you, and the smile she flashed you was… strangely apologetic.

And then you remembered. Shayne, Towers, crying onstage. That apologetic smile hit you so fast it practically gave you whiplash.

“So, ladies,” Maggie said. “There was some interesting news about your concert on Saturday. You guys sang your song Towers -- beautiful song, by the way -- and Y/N… there were a couple of tears there, huh? Anything you can tell us about that? Is everything okay?”

From beside you, Carly opened her mouth, probably to say that you didn’t want to talk about it, but you stopped her with a hand on her arm. Her willingness to defend you meant a lot, but if you didn’t address it, it would just keep getting brought up. At least if you answered this you could do some damage control. “Yeah,” you said. “Um, I actually lived in LA for a while before meeting these lovely ladies and starting up the band with them. And while I was here, I was in a pretty serious relationship with a guy -- I won’t say his name for privacy’s sake -- and we broke up. I guess being back in LA and singing that song just… brought back some memories. But that was all; no new mystery man or anything like that, I’m afraid.”

There, that was a good enough answer. It held enough of the truth that you felt confident they wouldn’t press you for any more information, but you hadn’t told them the exact real reason. They didn’t know he was in the room, and they didn’t know who he was.

Maggie smiled and nodded, and Joe asked another question about the band that was unrelated to your love life, which brought a wave of relief sweeping over you. You smiled and laughed through the rest of the interview, chiming in with answers whenever it felt appropriate, and then said your goodbyes as the hosts transitioned into the next song

All things considered, that hadn’t been so bad.

Once you were out of the radio station headquarters and into your car, Michelle got back to business. “Alright, next up… another interview which won’t be broadcasted live. You guys are performing Think About Us while you’re there. Then we have an hour for lunch. After lunch, you’ll film a video with Smosh, and then another radio interview after that, and then you’re free for the day. Assuming everything goes to plan.”

You nodded and settled into easy conversation with the girls during the car ride to your next venue. You were pretty excited to film with Smosh; you hadn’t seen any of their recent stuff, but you were familiar with them in that you had heard of them and you knew they primarily made comedic content. You figured that would probably mean it would be a fun time to film there.

The next interview went just fine, and the performance went even better. For lunch, you and the rest of the team got food at a cute little bistro near Smosh’s offices.

When you arrived after your lunch break you were greeted by Ian Hecox, the president of the company. He was super friendly, greeting you all with handshakes and a warm smile. Once you’d all been introduced he began to lead you through the office space, explaining that you’d be recording an episode of their ongoing Try Not to Laugh series. As he launched into an explanation of the rules, a hand on your shoulder made you tense and whip around, surprised. This brought you face to face with…

“Damien?”

Your eyes widened almost comically as you saw the man standing before you. He looked a little different since you’d seen him last; his hair was longer and streaked with blue, and he carried himself a little taller, a little prouder. But he still had that same boyish smile, those same brown eyes. He was still Damien, and he was here.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said.

You laughed, shocked and joyful, and threw your arms around his shoulders, practically launching yourself onto him. He hugged you back tightly. When you pulled back, you punched him jovially on the arm.

“It’s so good to see you!” you said, a little breathless. “What are you doing here?

“I work here. I’ll actually be filming with you guys this afternoon,” he replied

“No way, that’s crazy!” You leaned back and perched your hands on his hips, surveying him, half disbelieving.

He nodded and opened his mouth to speak again, but Ian’s voice interrupted your reunion. “You two, uh… you two know each other?”

“Yeah,” you said, glancing over your shoulder. “I knew Damien… God, ages ago. We were really good friends.”

Carly’s eyes now widened in recognition. She smiled at Damien and raised her hand in greeting to him.

“Hey, Carly,” he said. He put his hand on your forearm and you turned back to face him again. The look on his face made your smile fade a little bit; he seemed nervous and a little sad. “Y/N, I should warn you --”

“Holy shit!” another voice interrupted you two, this one distinctively female. And also… strangely familiar. You turned toward the source and what you saw felt like two consecutive throat punches.

Courtney, Shayne’s new girlfriend, was standing across the room. She seemed to have just entered, and judging from the wide-eyed look on her face, she was just as surprised as you were. Standing directly next to her, staring at the floor by your feet… was Shayne himself.

You heard Damien mutter something under his breath, but your brain didn’t fully process what he said. You were too busy looking at Courtney and Shayne and wondering why the hell they were here. Before you could say anything, though, Ian stepped forward.

“Sweet, we’re all here,” he said. “Y/N, Alexis, Piper, Carly, this is Shayne and Courtney. Shayne’s gonna be filming with you guys this afternoon --” of course he was “-- and Courtney is --”

“Your biggest fan!” the girl interrupted him, and even despite the resentment you couldn't help feeling toward her, you had to admit that she was really sweet. She seemed like someone you might be really good friends with were it not for the fact that she was dating your ex, which made you feel even worse; she hadn’t done anything to deserve your hatred, but here you were hating her anyway. “You probably don’t remember, but I was at the concert on Saturday. It was super good, you guys crushed it.”

“I remember,” you said, because you didn’t know when to shut up. Courtney’s jaw dropped onto the floor. “Yeah, I remember. You guys came together, didn’t you?”

The accusation was clear, at least to those in the know; Carly went pale, Piper inhaled sharply, Alexis started coughing, Damien shuffled his feet nervously, and Shayne opened his mouth to speak. Before he could say whatever he wanted to, though, he seemed to think better of it and closed his mouth again.

Courtney didn’t seem to pick up on anything unusual, though, because she just nodded happily and went on talking.

“Yeah, we did!” she said, slinging her arm around Shayne’s shoulders. If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve said that he stiffened as she pulled him into her side. His face tightened into a grimace, but you couldn't possibly imagine why. It was obvious that they were together. He didn’t need to hide that for your sake. “I was so fucking pumped when you guys sang Towers, you don’t even understand. That’s one of my favorite songs by you guys and you crushed it, especially you Y/N. Your part always hits a little different for me.”

Yeah, you and me both, you thought. But you smiled and nodded happily. “I’m glad you liked it!” you said. You turned back to the band and made eye contact with Michelle. She raised an eyebrow. You inclined your head just slightly toward Ian. She nodded; she knew what you needed.

“I hate to interrupt,” she said, “but we should probably get this show on the road. The girls have got a packed schedule today.”

“Of course!” Ian said. “Courtney, maybe you can harass them more if they have time when we’re done filming. But for now, Shayne, Damien, ladies, follow me.”

You hurried to catch up to the rest of the band. Carly and Alexis fell into step with you while Piper started walking behind you, obviously trying to shield you from Shayne’s gaze. You had another moment of profound gratitude for these girls; they took care of you when no one else would, they loved you when you couldn’t love yourself, and they always seemed to know what you needed without having to ask. That shared strength and love was one of the reasons the band had stayed together for so long.

Impressively enough, you managed to keep your shit together until you got to Carly’s. You didn’t bother texting her to let her know that you were coming. She’d let you in if she was home, and if she wasn't home, you knew her building code and where she kept her spare key.

Luckily, she was home; she let you up to her apartment without question.

Only once you’d crossed the threshold of your best friend’s apartment did you allow yourself to cry. You crumpled like a piece of paper against her and let out a sob so loud it bordered on a scream. Carly maneuvered you back onto her couch, sat down with you, and held you until you could talk. You were still crying when you pulled away from her, but you’d gotten out the full-body sobs.

“Honey, what happened?” Carly asked. You could hear the concern in her voice; it was rare that you showed up at her place unannounced, and even rarer that you started the visit by scream-crying into her shirt. She probably thought somebody was dead.

“Shayne got home from work and ended things,” you said. “Just… no warning, no ceremony, nothing. Three days ago he asked me my fucking ring size and today he told me that we aren’t working anymore. And I don’t understand because I thought he was happy! I thought we were good! I thought that we’d be fucking picking a date for our wedding, not for when I’m gonna come move out the rest of my shit!”

Before Carly could respond, your phone vibrated. You took it out and couldn’t help your tearful, almost-manic laugh at what you saw there; a text from Shayne, apologizing, asking if you would come home and talk. You went to reply, but Carly grabbed your phone and held it away from you before you could.

“Hey!” you exclaimed, lunging for your phone. She was an expert at keep-away, though, and you couldn’t even get close. You cursed yourself for all the nights out where you asked her to keep your phone away from you if you got too drunk. “Carly, give me my phone!”

“Promise me you won’t text him back and you can have it,” she said.

“That’s ridiculous! Of course I’m gonna text him back!”

“Is that a good idea?” she asked. She cocked an eyebrow. “If you can honestly tell me that you think it’s a good idea for you to say anything to him right now, I’ll give you your phone back.”

That knocked some sense into you. Immediately, the fight left your body and you sat back on the couch. She studied you for a moment and then leaned forward to set the phone on the coffee table. When you didn’t go for it, she relaxed and leaned back.

“Sorry,” you said. “I’m all over the place.”

“I know. It’s okay. That’s what I’m here for, right? Now, walk me through what happened.”

“He came home and he was being weird, and he was like ‘hey can we talk’ and then he basically just said that it isn’t working anymore and that he can’t be with me. He didn’t give me a reason besides that and I didn’t ask him for one. I just packed a bag and came here.”

Carly nodded, considering. “That’s really fucking weird.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised it took this long,” you said. At her shocked expression, you shrugged. “I’ve always said that he’s out of my league, right? It was only a matter of time before he got tired of me and realized he could do better. He probably realized that if we got married, he’d have a hell of a harder time getting away from me.”

“Were it not for the state of emotional peril you’re in right now, I would slap you,” Carly said. You let out a startled laugh; of all the things she could've said, you weren't expecting that. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say, and I’ve known you for a long time. If that was true -- which it isn’t, by the way, you’re the sexiest, most beautiful, smartest, funniest, greatest person I know -- it wouldn’t have taken him three years to ‘get bored.’ This is one of the dumber stunts he’s pulled, which is saying something. But this isn’t your fault. He’s the asshole here, regardless of his reasoning. If you want to talk to him and try to work things out, that’s your business. But whether or not things work out, this will always be on him. And I’ll be here every step of the way, buttercup.”

You nodded gratefully, even though you didn't believe her. You’d never been good enough for Shayne. This was always inevitable. Still, you put on a brave face for Carly. Better she didn’t know what you were really thinking. “You’re right,” you said. “Thanks, Carly.”

You could tell from the look on her face that she didn’t completely believe you, which wasn’t surprising. Carly always knew when you were lying. But she also knew when to let an issue lie. “Good,” she said. “Now, Bridesmaids or Legally Blonde?”

Ian led the group to a colorful sound stage. To the right was a partition, and behind it a bunch of strange props and costume pieces. To the left was a single stool, a piano, and some bongos.

The room was swarming with activity as crew people moved around getting everything set up and ready to go. Shayne and Damien led you over to the set. “Y/N, why don’t you sit in the stool for the intro?” Shayne said, the first words he’d said to you since you had broken up. His voice was professional and upbeat, betraying almost no emotion. “And then I’ll stand to your right, Damien will be behind me, and the rest of the band can be to your left.”

“Sounds fine to me,” you said, and you hoped your voice sounded less forced to him than it did to you. You sat on the stool, glad to be off your feet; your balance was suddenly fucked now that Shayne was next to you, and you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to keep yourself upright if you tried to stand for much longer.

Shayne went to go check something with a cameraperson, and the girls formed another huddle around you. Carly stood right in front of you, Piper to your immediate left, and Alexis just behind you. “Are you alright?” Carly asked.

“I’m sorry,” Damien said, cutting into the conversation before you could even think about how to answer Carly’s question. He was standing to your right, though he was a little farther away than your bandmates were. “I wanted to let you know before you saw him. I thought maybe it would be easier that way.”

“It’s okay, Dames. It’s not your fault,” you said. You reached over to squeeze his bicep, hoping to ease his mind a little bit, but the guilt didn’t leave his face.

“How did you know we would be here today?” Carly asked. You gave her a stern look, but she either didn’t see it or just didn’t care.

Damien fidgeted, nervous. You didn’t blame him; Carly was a force of nature when she wanted to be. “Um,” he said, “what do you mean?

“I mean that you had enough foresight to know that you could surprise Y/N and warn her about Shayne. So you knew we would be here.”

“We get a filming schedule at the beginning of the week,” Damien said. You looked at Carly as if to say There, see? A perfectly good reason. Now back off and let the poor boy breathe. But then Damien continued: “and Shayne told me about seeing Y/N on Saturday, so --”

He cut himself off, clamping his mouth shut as he seemed to realize what he’d said. Your gaze flew from Carly to Damien. For a moment, you felt thoroughly like a middle schooler; the he-said-she-said was something you thought would get left in sixth grade, but here you were nonetheless. Still, you couldn’t help the way your heart rate accelerated at Damien’s words. If Shayne had mentioned you specifically…

“What?” you asked.

You didn’t want to get your hopes up. You couldn’t get your hopes up. Shayne mentioning you didn’t mean anything. Besides, he had a new girlfriend now, anyway. He’d probably just done it since you and Damien were friends before shit hit the fan.

Damien didn’t get the chance to answer your question before Shayne returned from his conversation with the cameraperson. You were pretty sure he knew that you guys had been talking about him; it was pretty obvious by the way the conversation stopped short as soon as he got within earshot. But if he knew, he didn’t comment on it. He just walked over and took his place next to you.

Carly flashed him a look colder than the south pole and moved to stand on your other side, and then she plastered the brightest smile you’d ever seen on her face. You did the same.

“Alright, everybody ready?” one of the crew people asked. You nodded your assent. “Three, two, and… action!”

[hellmry]

I’ve saw a reblog talking about how aging up minors characters for porn means you are pedophile.. I hadn’t have any issue about it but when only when they said “ if you ever find yourself writing or drawing something and asking yourself, “what changes do i have to make to ensure this isn’t pedophilia?” perhaps that’s a sign that it already fucking is. “ ... here when I was worried [1-2]

I don't know if you're actually serious or trying to push some “secret agenda” but for the benefit of the doubt, I will reply to this pedophilia madness one last time.

The term pedophilia is a very serious psychiatric and paraphilic disorder, that can't be diagnosed over the internet (tumblr) by some uninformed part-time social justice warrior with the only indicator being you aging a fictional character up so you can ship them. Actually, it's the other way round which should worry you, say if you were aging a character down so it becomes loli- or shotacon material. But even then it's not really a very good indicator whether you're a pedophile or not.

While pedophilia revolves around sexual attraction, most people don't even ship a pairing because of their sexual chemistry, most of the times it's just because of their shared story, personalities, the romance or shallow reasons like their design. Not everyone immediately thinks of the sexual part and asexual people that also ship characters might never.

Plus, that's not how pedophilia works. Theoretically speaking, you yourself have to be attracted TO the younger part of the ship personally, which is often (if not always) not even the case, because you don't ship them with yourself but with another fictional character (what the hell is all this nonsense?).

Pedophilia emerges before or during puberty, is stable over time and often co-occurs with other psychopathologies such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, personality problems and more. Even if you have one or more of these mentioned psychopathologies, does not mean you're automatically a pedophile either. Even childhood abuse by adults or comorbid psychiatric illnesses (e.g. personality disorders, substance abuse etc.) do not cause pedophilia, but are only risk factors for acting on those urges. Pedophilia is a very complex disorder that you are most likely born with, due to an abnormality in your brain it's not something you become or choose to do. Especially not through shipping fictional characters.

There have been big discussions, debates and studies by renowned sexologists, psychiatric associations, forensic psychologists and researchers regarding what criteria needs to be met, in order to be classified as a pedophile and the diagnosis procedure for it is massive.

Don't let some self-righteous stranger with a twitter education tell you if you're a pedophile or not, if even the biggest minds with actual experience and education aren't completely in agreement. And I assure you, none of them mentioned anything about fictional ships.

The International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) defines Pedophilia as a "sustained, focused, and intense pattern of sexual arousal—as manifested by persistent sexual thoughts, fantasies, urges, or behaviours—involving pre-pubertal children."

So, if you were never sexually attracted to a (real) child, never had the urge to search for or consume cp or have sexual fantasies about it, there isn't anything you should be worried about. But if you're worried regardless, seek some professional help to learn how to cope with your anxiety.

This is what irks me the most about this shit, those accusers and self-proclaimed activists cause some serious mental damage to those who are already suffering from something and cope through enjoying fictional stuff and to those "precious" children and adolescents they apparently want to protect, who are in the midst of finding their identity and have enough going on with puberty.

They do not change anything for the better for the actual victims, I'd say they make it even worse by keeping people who actually need it from seeking professional help by adding to the stigmatization and sensationalizing it. Throwing the term around like they know what it means, when most of them don't even know what a paraphilic disorder - let alone heard the term - is and how those who have it suffer from it.

It's in our best interest to keep an open communication and support proactive plans and programs, rehabilitation and therapy.

That's the direct opposite of shaming other people and making them feel guilty over fictional stuff (that isn't even remotely close to what pedophilia actually is). If they really want to make a difference, they have to also offer a solution or options for therapeutic support for those who seriously think they suffer from it. I have yet to see someone actively trying to make a difference not just by "banishing" and "banning" everything and everyone what they subjectively consider "pedophilia".

And with this, I excuse myself from this topic and any further discussion about it, I'm getting whiplash from all this misinformation that is spread and I can't believe I just gave a mini lecture about pedophilia on fucking tumblr.

[imaginesforyourfandom]

Loving Her: Alex Morgan - Chapter 8

(Y/N) POV:

“In conclusion, these women are nothing more than your typical arrogant Americans who think they are better than the rest of the world based purely off of the fact that they are American.”

“Jesus…” Kelley said as Alex finished reading one of the hundreds of articles about how we are a bunch of bullies. We are currently in a room getting massages and doing recovery as we are talking about controversy that followed last nights game.

“I don’t think I am better because I am American…I think I am better because I’m more talented.” I said earning a few chuckles from some of the girls around the room.

“That might be the attitude that got us into this mess.” Pinoe said as I shrugged my shoulders. “Way to stay humble though…”

“I can’t help how amazing I am….” I said laughing as they shook their heads.

“Kaylyn Kyle is also on Twitter talking about getting death threats after her comments about us.” Alex said as she continued scrolling on her phone.

“Listen, this is the World Cup. Goal differential matters and maybe we celebrated too hard, but again this is the World Cup. I’m going to celebrate every single goal like it’s the last.” I said as there were a few head nods.

“I’m over talking about it already to be honest…” Alex commented as I nodded my head along with her.

“You’re going to get asked a million times about it.” Allie said as she groaned.

“I know…”

“In other news, most of America has decided that they don’t like that you didn’t put your hand on your heart and that you didn’t sing the anthem.” Allie said looking to Pinoe who rolled her eyes.

“We been knew about this…next!” she said as Allie laughed.

“Most of our fans are calling you out for flirting with Alex during the game…” she said looking at me as I grinned.

“I was flirting, and she was flirting back…” I said looking to Alex who blew a kiss at me. I grinned at her sending her a wink as the others groaned.

“Oh hey!” Kelley said looking across to me. “I finally figured out why you and Christen don’t like admitting your best friends…”

“Oh, pray tell…” I said with disinterest as I turned to look at Alex who shot me an amused smile.

“So, when she first got to Utah, I really did think you guys had like a thing…” I could have got whiplash with how fast I turned my head as Alex scowled at Kelley who grinned at us. “Wait…hang on let me explain…”

“You thought we had a thing?” I asked with a disgusted look. “I mean like yeah she’s hot…but like also gross…”

“Excuse me?” I turned to Alex who was now scowling at me.

“I think you’re the hottest person I have ever met…” I said as Allie and Pinoe were practically on the ground cracking up. Alex shot me a look as Kelley continued.

“Yeah I thought you guys had a thing…you spent a lot of time together at each other’s places. So, naturally…I was like they like each other which was confusing because you know as far as I knew Chris and Tobs were together and you were madly in love with Alex…then I realized that yes you were in fact extremely into Alex so I was like okay so they aren’t together…”

I was staring at her in disbelief as Alex just settled on glaring at both of us. Allie was grinning looking back and forth between us as Pinoe was still trying to stop herself from laughing.

“So, it settles that you guys are best friends because you spend a lot of time together, you have your own little inside jokes, and you genuinely just seem to have each other’s backs. You also love to annoy each other, and you hate to admit that you are best friends. Which leads me to believe that you have a very antagonistic friendship. Normally, I would just say these are two people who don’t like each other and leave it at that, but like you do care about each other so much.” She finished as I thought about it. I mean she wasn’t completely wrong, but the idea of admitting that Christen was my best friend just seemed annoying.

“That actually makes a lot of sense. You do love to annoy each other, but your also like one of the first to defend each other. You seem to be pretty informed on each other’s lives and your connection on the field is super strong which would indicate that you are in fact close...” Pinoe commented as I made a face. I turned to face Alex who still looked mildly irritated.

"Look away. I’m not over your comment yet.” She said as I looked back at Kelley who shot me a grin and thumbs up.

“I didn’t know you were such a genius Kelley.” I said sarcastically as she nodded her head.

“I keep telling you…” she said before getting a serious look. “Do you not agree though?”

“I feel like…your half right…”

“I’ll take it.” She said with a wide smile as I rolled my eyes. I finished my massage before everyone else, so I offered to wait with Alex who shot me a small glare.

“Okay. Your still not over the comment…I’ll give you a little space.” I said as I kissed her forehead. “I love you”

As I walked out of the room, my phone rang. I picked it up with a smile when I realized who was calling.

“Well…I didn’t realize that my best friend was such an arrogant jerk.” I laughed at Sebastian’s comment.  

“Me neither.” I joked as he laughed.

“We watched the game yesterday. We were very proud of you.” He said as I smiled. “Mom was freaking out when you scored. Though, she does think you could have been nicer to the other team.”

“It’s the World Cup. I don’t have time to go easy on anyone. You can tell Mama Alvarez that I am sorry though.” I said as I approached my room. I opened the door and sat down as I continued talking to him.

“I understand that and I’ll let her know. Santiago thinks you weren’t ruthless enough.”

“Santiago just likes to watch people cry.” I commented earning a chuckle from Sebastian.

“Yeah…how are things though?” he asked as I laid there thinking about it.

“It’s going pretty good. I’m relieved that the tournament has finally begun for us.”

“Yeah I get that…I am really sorry we can’t be there.”

“I know.” I said not wanting to have this conversation again. “You guys all have jobs and lives. It doesn’t just stop because I am playing in the World Cup.”

“Yeah, but I am sure everyone else’s family is there and technically we are your family.” He said as I nodded my head. “We aren’t being a very good family right now.”

“Seb…I don’t want to talk about this right now.” I said as I felt my eyes stinging slightly. “I appreciate everything you guys have done for me…and hopefully I will be able to come home and stay home soon.”

“You’re still trying to do that…” he said with a little bit of shock in his voice. “I thought you were happy in Utah.”

“I am, but I also want to come home and be with you guys…my family.” I said as I heard him sigh.

“Aren’t you worried about the consequences of your actions?”

“A little…there’s no guarantee that anyone finds out what I did…in this case, the reward is worth the risk.”

“Does your girlfriend at least know?”

“No…I need to tell her, so she isn’t blindsided, but it’s not exactly easy saying you fucked over one of your friends…”

“I can only imagine….how are things going between you guys?” he asked me curiously and I couldn’t be more grateful for the subject change.

“It’s going really well…I opened up to her about what happened with my family…”

“Yeah Santiago told me…he said he was super proud of you and so am I…” I smiled a little at his comment of being proud of me. “I imagine it was really difficult for you…”

“Yeah…it’s hard letting people in. She took it all really well though…I was pretty grateful.”

“Santiago said something about her threatening to fight you family…?” I let out a laugh.

“Yeah, she definitely wants to fight them…” I said as I heard the door open. Alex walked in and she still looked a little upset. “Seb I think I need to call you back.”

“Okay. I got to get going anyway. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”

“Love you too.” I tossed my phone to the side as I watched her move around the room. She was refusing to look at me which only caused me to smile.

“Are you really giving me the silent treatment?” I asked as she glanced at me which only caused me to grin and let out a laugh. “You are…”

“Shut up…” she mumbled as I pouted and stood up. I walked towards her and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind resting my head on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” I said as she stopped what she was doing. I took that as encouragement to go on. “I think that you are the most breathtaking thing I have ever seen…the first time I ever saw you was in 2014…I was playing for FCKC and you were playing for Portland and I saw you and you took my breath away. I was too afraid to talk to you because you were Alex Morgan and I was just some random person. Then, I came onto the team and I started to get to know you and when I say I fell completely head over heels…it’s an understatement. I already thought you were beautiful, but you took my whole heart with your mind and the way you look at the world. I was a goner. Completely and irreversibly in love.”

She had completely relaxed into my arms at this point as I swayed us slightly. She had intertwined our fingers as I placed a small kiss on her neck. I turned my head slightly as I looked at her.

“There’s never going to be anyone who means more to me or makes my heart beat the way you do.”

That seemed to be enough as she then turned in my arms slightly bringing her hand up to the back of my neck as she connected our lips. I kept my hands on her waist as the kiss got deeper. Eventually, air became a necessity as she leaned her forehead on mine. Our breaths were short as we stared into each other’s eyes.

“I need you so much.” She said as I nodded my head slightly.

“I need you too.” I said as she leaned in and kissed me again. “Loving you is the only thing that has gotten me through the past couple years…I mean yeah we’ve been together for like a month, but it feels like so much longer than that…”

“I know what you mean…I feel like we’ve been together for years at this point…” I picked her up as I laid us down knowing our best conversations came when we were laying down comfortable with each other. She rolled her eyes but happily accepted my actions.

“I can’t imagine my life without you…” I admitted as she adjusted her position, so she was laying directly on top of me with her head on my chest looking up at me.

“Me neither...I see my future with you and only you.”

“It might be a little premature, but like…I see it all with you…” I said as she gave me a soft look. “I see marriage and kids and having a house near our families and growing old together…” She had a smile on her face as she leaned up to kiss me and then hovered over me.

“Do we have a dog? Or any pets at all?”

“Plenty of pets…a house close to the beach so we can take the kids there…Kelley can teach them to surf. Tobin will try to teach them to skate until one of them falls and then it’s immediately vetoed. Sebastian and Santiago will fight over which one of them is the favorite Uncle while Jeri and Jeni duke it out with Kelley and Sydney and the others over who the favorite Aunt is...we will lose our minds over the amount of people who try to spoil them…” She had a grin on her face as I smiled up at her.

“Everyone knows you buy the love…” she commented as I nodded my head.

“Obviously, I’ll take them to Sebs and Santi’s moms house so she can teach them all the good recipes like she taught me…”

“Oh, I didn’t know you could cook…” she said with a playful smile

“Yeah, it’s one of my many talents, but it’s better they learn from her…”

“Will our kids play soccer?”

“Only if they want to…we wouldn’t want to force them into anything…whatever they decide to do is what we will support…and we are going to love our kids unconditionally…they will know that we would do anything for them. That we will always protect them and care for them and never make them feel like they can’t come to us…” I said getting slightly emotional. She gave me a soft kiss.

“I can’t wait to have kids with you…you’re going to be an amazing parent.” She said as I smiled at her.

“I only want kids if I can have them with you…” I said as she nodded her head.

“How coincidental because I only want kids if they are with you too…” I grinned at her as I leaned up and kissed her with as much passion as I could muster up.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” She smiled at me as I stared into her eyes. “I am sorry by the way…”

“It’s fine. I overreacted. I just get protective because what we have is so special and I don’t want anything or anyone to ruin that.” I gave her a soft smile.

“There isn’t a thing in this world that could take me away from you.” I said as she smiled at me.

The rest of that day and the next few days seemed to fly as we got to the Chile game. Alex was pulled away a little more because of having to do media for the team with Pinoe. So, that sucked. I spent the time she wasn’t around with Christen, Becky, Tierna, and JJ. I sort of rotated between the four. Mainly Christen or Becky though. Becky had been pleasantly surprised upon finding out that I had opened up to Alex about my past. She called it a breakthrough. I disagree, but she’s a little smarter than me so I don’t have enough ground to stand on to disagree.

The game against Chile was going to be a good one. We’d be fools to count them out especially considering they have Christiane Endler. I knew how talented she was, and I wanted to play against her so badly, but alas Alex and I were both not starting because most of the starters were left on the bench to rest. I was disappointed to not get to play but ultimately, I was happy to cheer on the rest of my teammates once the game actually started.

Christen was tearing it up during the whole game, yet she never scored which was injustice given some of her shots. I cringed a little when Carli missed the penalty. I could tell the entire bench was shook as we watched the midfielder miss.

“We are never going to hear the end of this…” I said as Alex gave me a look shaking her head. Though, Kelley shot me a small amused smile. It ended up being okay though because Carli scored two and JJ walked away with one goal. All in all, we were in a good mood because the win meant we were going to knockouts. That was the goal for the first couple games, so we did exactly what we set out to do. So Far.

The next big test would be Sweden and I was pumped to get to play against them. I knew the big storyline was that they had knocked the US out during the Olympics, but I knew it was exhausting to talk about with everyone.

“Well done!” I said giving Christen a hug as the forward smiled. “I’m actually really mad that you didn’t score.”

“It’s fine. We got the win. That’s what matters.” I nodded my head as we walked towards the rest of the team after the game.

“On to the knockouts.” I said as she nodded her head.

“Got to play Sweden first though…”

“Yeah, you nervous for that game?” I asked as she shook her head.

“A little. I know everyone is going to make it about getting knocked out of the Olympics.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking…” I said as we approached our team. We joined the huddle as Jill talked for a few minutes before walking off. Christen and I continued walking as I saw and pulled JJ in for a hug.

“Nice goal my friend…” I said as she smiled at me.

“Thanks!” she said as I kissed her forehead.

“You’re beautiful head.” I joked getting laughs from her and Christen as they hugged.

“It was a good assist.” She said as I nodded. I searched around the field for Tierna and spotted her talking to Kelley and Becky.

“Yeah, I feel like she’s the future of this team…I mean she can do that at her age…where will she be in five years?”

“I know right?” Christen said as we came across Lindsay, Mal, Rose, Sam, and Sonnett. “I used to think the same thing about Mal.”

“What about me?” she asked as she looked between us.

“You had so much potential and now I just think what went wrong…” I said as her jaw dropped, and a pout formed.

“She skipped college and went pro…that’s what happened.” Christen said as I grinned and hit her shoulder getting a smile in return.

“I hate you guys.” Mal said with a pout as I pulled her into me.

“Oh, come on…we are just playing…we love you so much…” I said as the forward tried to get away from me.

“No, you guys are jerks…” she said as Christen let out a laugh.

“The Non-Best friends strike again…” Lindsay said as everyone laughed when Christen and I both immediately made faces at each other and shook our heads.

“Not best friends.” Christen said as I nodded my head to her statement. JJ shook her head as the others immediately started disagreeing with us.

“If you guys aren’t best friends, then Lindsay and Mal never skipped college to go pro.” Sonnet said as Lindsay and Mal both turned to Sonnett with glares. I laughed as I shook my head.

We all then started making our way to the locker room as Christen and I continued talking about the Sweden game…eventually the topic switched to Alex and me.

“Things are going really well…getting pretty serious…” I said as she smiled.

“I’m really happy for you…” she said softly as I looked at her and nodded my head.

“I am equally happy for you and Tobs…but if you tell anyone I said that…”

“I know.” She said before I could finish my sentence. “You’ll kill me.”

When we got into the locker room, I gathered all my stuff. I walked towards Alex who sent me a small smile. I hugged the forward as she stroked the back of my hair.

“To the Knockouts, but first Sweden.” She nodded her head to my statement.

“Got to get past Sweden first.” We exited the locker room and made our way back to the hotel, mostly everyone was pretty tired, so it was off to bed.

As I was laying with Alex in bed, she was tracing patterns on the portion of my skin that was exposed from t-shirt being up a little.

“You’re disappointed you didn’t get to start huh….” She said after a moment. I nodded my head a little.

“Yeah…I was at first at least…I think it’s the first time that I have ever enjoyed just watching the team play…with me not playing at all and you not being on the field either…”

“You like to watch when I play…?” she asked looking up at me.

“Yeah, I am fascinated by everything you do…especially when you play.” She smiled leaning in to give me a kiss.

“You always know just what to say huh…” she said as I grinned and nodded my head.

“Another one of my many talents” she shook her head giving me another kiss.

“Yeah, well go to sleep Ms. Talented” she said turning our light off and snuggling into me.

“I love you.” I said kissing her forehead.

“I love you too.” She mumbled as we both drifted off to sleep.

To Be Continued…

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 11

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 2.2k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing and mentions of sex 

Rating: Mature (for right now)

Updates will be every Wednesday at 4pm and Sunday at 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3**

For Phil, clicking publish on his video was, undoubtedly, one of the hardest things he has had to do in a long time. He spent the evening editing the video with Dan watching from the sidelines to get a better look at what editing was really like. And when he was done, he processed it to his YouTube page and waited to publish it. 

But now it was ready, he felt his chest tighten. This was a big deal. This was a big deal because this video was the first one he posted in…6 years? Had it really been that long? 

He was nervous for the comeback. 

He was nervous for the comments, the tweets and for everything else that is going to come out when everyone sees Dan in the thumbnail. He was nervous for the queued tweet that he has ready to go saying “NOT CLICKBAIT. NEW VIDEO FEATURING DANIEL HOWELL”. 

“I’m not sure about this.” 

Dan looked at where Phil’s finger was poised over the trackpad. “Not sure about what?” 

“About posting the video.” Phil said, his hand now beginning to shake slightly. 

He turned his head and looked at Dan, trying to ignore that he saw a little bit of disappointment behind his eyes. “You don’t have to post it if you don’t want to.” 

“I…I know.” Phil said, his voice quivering. “I think I’m just nervous.” 

Phil looked back at the screen and watched his mouse hover over the button. He shouldn’t be this nervous. Maybe if it was just a video of himself, he wouldn’t be. But surely just knowing Dan was in the video shouldn’t be the only reason why he’s nervous? 

He pressed his fingers down and the video went live. 

He felt all air escape his lungs and looked over at Dan was smiling. “Send me the link and I’ll post it on my Twitter.” 

Phil quickly copied the link with shaking hands and then sent it to Dan. As soon as Dan tweeted out the link, Phil shut his laptop down and took a few stuttering breaths. He needed to relax and to calm down. There was no point in getting worked up over something that he couldn’t really change anymore…well, he could. But hypothetically he couldn’t. 

He tweeted out the same tweet he had queued in his drafts and then he retweeted Dan’s tweet and then sat back, staring at his phone. He shouldn’t have been surprised at how his name was trending. Nor should he have been surprised at the amount of follow requests he received as well. 

He accepted none of them and closed the app, turning off his notifications for Twitter so he wouldn’t have to see them. 

“I have to fly back to LA tomorrow morning.” Dan says, out of the blue, as they remained sat on Phil’s couch. “Filming begins again tomorrow night. I have to catch a plane at half past 6 tomorrow morning.” 

Phil couldn’t help but feel the pang in his chest from Dan’s words. “So soon?” He found himself asking. 

Dan let out a sigh. “Unfortunately.” He paused. “Tomorrow I get to film a sex scene.” 

Phil quickly turned his head. “A sex scene?” 

Dan nodded. “Yes, with Mimei.” 

“That sounds…awkward?” Phil asked, finding himself chuckle. 

“Oh it’s going to be incredibly awkward.” Dan said with a loud laugh. “Not only is it a sex scene which like, don’t get me wrong, I love having sex, but not staged sex? And even though this is obviously not sex and we’ll not be actually fornicating, the thought that I have to go through the motions completely staged is a little bit repulsing.” 

“I don’t think I could do it.” Phil answered truthfully. “I’m awkward enough about life in general. I can’t imagine having to fake have sex with a person while being filmed.” 

“I’ve done it before.” Dan says, his eyes staring straight ahead. “It was for an Indie Movie that I did prior to me becoming famous. It was with my ex-boyfriend.” 

Dan swallowed and then continued. “It wasn’t bad? But that could have also been because we were used to having sex anyway so staging it wasn’t quite that hard to do.” 

“I don’t think I could ever do it.” Phil repeats. 

“I think it would be less awkward for me if it wasn’t with a Mimei.” Dan says. “Like, if it was with a guy, I think I’d be better off.” 

Phil was a little bit taken back by the openness of this conversation he was having with Dan. He wasn’t expecting for Dan to openly be speaking to sex about him. It was a little bit dizzying given all of the circumstances of today. 

“Oh same.” Phil found himself choking out.

“Oh?” Dan says, a smile playing on his lips.

“I just prefer to have sex with guys.” 

Phil felt like he was choking on his own air. He was having trouble registering in his mind that he had just come out to Dan. Not directly, but he still kind of did. And it was a big deal. It was a massive deal, actually. Because up until him telling this to Dan, his family and PJ and Sophie were the only ones who knew about his sexuality. 

“You probably already knew about me.” Dan says. “And my preference over who I like.” 

Phil feels slightly embarrassed and ashamed. He had read about it on Wikipedia, that sensitive information not even hidden from the public, but plastered onto this website with millions of visitors a day. 

“I’m sorry that you don’t get to have privacy anymore.” 

Dan shrugs. It’s a genuine shrug, not one that is just blowing off what Phil had said. “At least my sex tape hasn’t been released.” 

Phil’s eyes bug out of his head and Dan’s lets out a loud laugh. 

“I’m kidding mate. I don’t have a sex tape…or at least I don’t think I do.” 

***

To say the video went viral was an understatement by far. Within just the first ten hours, the video already had 3 million views and was growing by the second. News sites were writing stories about the video and about Dan being in it, of course Phil was mentioned as well but a lot more sparingly. 

Phil could see now what it felt like to have people saying your name in every news story or in every twitter mention. He couldn’t even keep up with all of the people requesting to follow him so, unwillingly, he unprivated his Twitter and let the follows happen. He went from just under 30k followers to almost 100k in the first three hours. By the next morning, he had nearly 350k followers, all of which were from Dan. 

It was overwhelming. He was overwhelmed. 

Dan knew that though. Which is why Dan suggested they order out from some greasy food place and indulge their feelings in some plastic tasting pizza. Phil never ordered Dominos, but he had to admit that it tasted good on his palette and was definitely a comfort food. 

Spike already appreciated having bites of sausage given to him as well as he sat on Phil’s feet. 

“So your video went viral.” Dan says, between bites of pizza and whatever dipping sauce he was using. “Not gonna lie, didn’t quite expect that to happen.” 

“Me neither.” Phil answered honestly. “My channel is growing and my Twitter is as well. I’m scared to go into the comments.” 

“How did you learn to edit?” 

The fast change in topic gave Phil a little bit of whiplash but he recovered fast. He rather enjoyed being able to answer questions about how he learned to do YouTube or how he learned his video editing skills, even if they are a bit rusty. 

“I got a masters degree is video editing and post production from the University of York.” He says. “I never really used it unless I was doing videos. I wanted to be a director for a little while, but I knew it wasn’t a realistic dream so that’s why I did YouTube. But I got hired at the BBC by pure luck and I haven’t really gotten a chance to use those skills.” 

“That’s really cool actually.” Dan says, setting down his slice of pizza back onto his plate. “I’ve never been allowed in the editing room of a movie, not even when I did Indie Films in high school. But I’ve always wanted to know what the process was like. Like being able to chose the frames you want or the takes you want. Sometimes when I attend my movie premieres and I watch the films, I get mad that the editor chose to use my bad takes or my bad sides and I wish I had a bit more control over it.” 

“You don’t have a bad side.” 

When Phil caught wind of the words leaving his mouth, he looked up from his own plate, and stared at Dan. His cheeks were flushed red and he was holding his lips in a thin line, almost to keep himself from smiling. Phil wished he would give in and just smile. 

“That’s not true.” 

“No it is true.” Phil continues, his mouth just moving without his control over what was being said. “It is true because…” 

He’s destined to never finish that sentence because Dan’s phone begins to ring loudly on the counter, interrupting them with the shrill sound of the default phone ring. 

Dan grabs his phone and answers it, abruptly leaving his pizza behind to cool on the plate. 

Phil lets out a loud sigh and looks down at Spike who is whimpering for another table scrap at his feet. He just nods and picks off a piece of pepperoni and hands it to Spike with a sad chuckle. 

“I’d like to think you’re whimpering at the secondhand embarrassment but I know you just want more food.” Phil whispers, scratching behind Spikes ear. “To be fair, I didn’t even know what I was going to say anyway. This was probably for the best.” 

Phil remained sitting in the kitchen while he heard the telltale footsteps of Dan pacing back and forth somewhere down the short hallway towards the bathroom. He couldn’t make out anything Dan was saying, but he actually didn’t want to. It always felt like a weird breach of privacy to listen to someone else’s phone conversation. 

When Dan returns, his face is flustered and his shoulders are tense. He slides back into his sit and picks at his pizza slice haphazardly with his fingers. “Marianne, my manager, just called. She said doing the video was a bad PR move. I don’t see how but she’s really mad.” 

Phil felt his heart fall out his chest. He knew that he shouldn’t have posted the video. He knew it! 

“I’m sorry. I knew we shouldn’t have posted it.” 

Dan shook his head. “No, I’m not mad that we posted it. I’m just…I want to do things that I want to do. I wanted to do the video with you. I wanted to be a part of it. I don’t understand how it’s a bad PR move but whatever.” 

Phil could sense the frustration in Dan’s voice and when he looked at Dan, he could see the beginnings of unshed tears glazing his eyes. Dan sniffled, confirming Phil’s thoughts, and as soon as the first tear made way down Dan’s cheek, Phil immediately thrusted a bunch of napkins to him to help. 

Dan wiped his eyes and refused to make eye-contact with Phil. Phil felt his heart clench every time Dan sniffled and wiped at his eyes. He watched as the tears slowly stopped and all that was left was Dan’s bloodshot eyes in their wake. 

“I’m sorry.” Dan apologizes. “I just get really overwhelmed.” 

“You have every right to be upset, Dan.” Phil says. His hand reaches out and suddenly, it’s laying on top of Dan’s arm, his fingers laying into the fuzzy fabric of his sweater. “You should be able to do what you want to do.” 

“It’s pretty ironic.” Dan says with a laugh. “Just this morning, I was giving you the same talk and now you’re sitting here and giving me it.” 

Phil did have to admit it was pretty ironic, but that didn’t make the situation any less complicated or hurtful for either one of them. 

“I think I need some time to myself.” Dan said, suddenly standing up. “Do you mind if I…” 

“You can lay down in my bedroom if you’d like.” Phil said, letting his hand fall from Dan’s arm to the counter. “I don’t mind.” 

“I think I just need a few hours away from social media and from my managers constant nagging and calling. I’m sorry for being such a shit guest.” 

“It’s okay.” 

And it really was okay. Phil didn’t mind that Dan needed some alone time, he did as well. He needed time to process what had happened. He watched Dan’s back as he retreated to be alone and Phil remained sat down, the pizza now cold on the counter. 

Today had been unlike any other day Phil had ever had before in his life. 

[recentanimenews]

Interview: The Most Shocking Isekai Premiere in Years!

As 2018 draws to a close, we begin some of the usual year ending traditions: celebrating the holidays, spending time with friends and loved ones, giving and receiving gifts, and thinking about the year gone by wistfully. We also get to start thinking of what is to come in the next year: all the opportunities, challenges, and trials that we’ll face. But the most exciting thing to think about? Winter anime season is coming, baby, and this year it’s gonna be a doozy, as it’s bringing with it the hard hitting and exciting The Rising of the Shield Hero! We know how much you love isekai anime, and Shield Hero is ready to give you the content you crave, while also preparing some shocking surprises. To get your appetite ready for the anime, premiering exclusively on Crunchyroll in January, let’s take a look at some reasons to be excited for 2019’s first big anime!

First, isekai is a genre that some people love, and others love to hate, but either way, other worlds are always on people’s minds. The Rising of the Shield Hero comes into the fray with its very unique take on the genre: instead of a hero who hits the ground running with amazing abilities, powers, friends, and luck, our protagonist, Naofumi Iwatani, has none of those qualities! Dropped into a world he knows nothing about, Naofumi is told that he’s the Shield Hero, one of the four great heroes… and seemingly the weakest one of them to boot! He finds himself with no friends, no gear, and barely any support, with only a single ally at his side… that is, until he gets betrayed! As we saw during Crunchyroll Expo, the first episode of The Rising of the Shield Hero paints a bleak and harsh world for Naofumi, and he doesn’t quite take this in stride either, becoming embittered and harsh in return. Where many isekai shows start with characters meeting unfortunate ends in their “real worlds” before being transported to a new one, regaled as a hero of legend, Naofumi almost seems worse off in his new world than he did back in Japan. This isn’t helped by Naofumi’s lack of charisma either; instead of being an easygoing and charismatic leader like most other isekai protagonists, Naofumi is reserved, and by the end of the first episode, hurt and betrayed, making him an overall guarded character that doesn’t project much of an aura of “hero of legend.”

  In our interview with Junichiro Tamura at the Crunchyroll Expo premiere, he said: “Unlike most of the isekai projects that have girls and are a harem, this one is different and a lot darker; the main character has to go through a lot of hardships. I would like everyone to go through these hardships and rise along with Naofumi.” Judging by the power of the first episode and its twists and turns, it seems like we’re going to be in for an interesting and difficult ride to see if Naofumi can overcome his trials and truly become a hero. Check our Crunchyroll Expo premiere coverage of The Rising of the Shield Hero for more insight and commentary!

  We’ve seen other dark takes on isekai before, with the likes of Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, and as Re:Zero proved, once you take away the power fantasies of isekai stories, things can get really dark, really fast, but also very, very intriguing! One of the strengths of The Rising of the Shield Hero is the unique abilities (or lack thereof) of the main character. Instead of being gifted with powerful magic, great insights, the ability to reincarnate, or even frankly a strong weapon, Naofumi gets… a shield. He can’t attack, level, or power himself up, but also has no party members to help him fend off foes. And it isn’t even like he can just bash them with the shield, either, as he finds out that he literally cannot attack enemies at all, meaning he needs other people to defeat his foes for him. Isekai shows usually have characters showing off mastery of modern technology, or being gifted amazing abilities, but it is rare to see a character be given a supposedly legendary title and ability, only with no real way to make any sort of use of it! As The Rising of the Shield Hero moves on, we think one of the biggest things to watch for is how Naofumi overcomes his defensive nature, and if he really can become a hero of legend with just a shield at his disposal.

But a good premise will only carry a show so far; after all, we’re here to see anime in beautiful motion, so what does The Rising of the Shield Hero have to offer? Well, frankly, a lot! As you may know, Crunchyroll is involved in the production process for Shield Hero, and we’re excited to show you all what’s coming after the first episode. Tamura-san mentioned that he specifically loved the ability to design things from scratch, giving everything a unique feeling based on his interpretation of the novels. During an interview, Tamura-san said: “When I’m specifically working with novels, since most of it is not illustrated, we have to make and design everything from scratch, from all the small things like props to background characters." In his chat with Crunchyroll at Crunchyroll Expo, Tamura-san went a bit further, talking about how the collaboration with Crunchyroll was giving him the ability to be creative: “The Rising of the Shield Hero is very special to Crunchyroll, because it’s the first project that Crunchyroll was able to select and license the source IP. Generally from past co-productions, we were introduced to other companies, so we had no choice in the matter for what we wanted to make.” We’re very excited to see what Tamura-san has helped cook up for us for the rest of Shield Hero, and if it matches what we’ve seen of the series so far, we can tell you that you’ll be in for a visual treat to accompany the tantalizing narrative of the series!

    And of course, we can’t forget the music! Kevin Penkin, the Crunchyroll Award Winner for his work on Made in Abyss, worked hard to create a unique, special set of compositions for The Rising of the Shield Hero. When we got to talk to Kevin at Crunchyroll Expo, he gave us a lot of really amazing insights into his composing, but one thing that got us really excited was this tidbit: “There was the main theme that was shown in the first episode and also in the PV, which is a classic example of what the soundtrack will be in terms of variation. It’s gonna jump sometimes between in-your-face symphonic rock and then it’ll have a sort of more sensitive guitar sounds at times. I’m trying to create almost a bit of an emotional whiplash between these two set of contrasting styles that will yield interesting emotional results with the audience.” Symphonic rock tied to a dark, brooding and emotional fantasy story with awesome fight scenes? Sign us up! We already know Kevin is an amazing composer, and his unique style of mixing musical genres together seems like a great match to Shield Hero’s unique take on isekai anime. If you love music playing a role in setting the atmosphere and scene of your anime, The Rising of the Shield Hero is going to give you what you want, and probably more!

At Crunchyroll Expo, we could tell that the crowd (and us too, frankly!) were biting at the bit to get to see more The Rising of the Shield Hero, and it’s hard to believe that it's not too long before the series premieres! As we get closer to the show’s start we’ll try and keep you up to date with all the exciting news we can find, and you better believe that we’re hoping you’ll love this show as much as we have in making it happen. So enjoy the rest of 2018, sip some eggnog, watch the ball drop, and when 2019 hits, get ready to hit the ground running with The Rising of the Shield Hero!

What are you looking forward to the most in The Rising of the Shield Hero? Let us know in the comments!

----

Nicole is a features and a social video script writer for Crunchyroll. Known to profess her love of otome games over at her blog, Figuratively Speaking. When she has the time, she also streams some games. Follow her on Twitter: @ellyberries 

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[gracewithducks]

#blessed (Matthew 5:1-12)

I am so glad to be back with you all today. I’ve been feeling a bit of whiplash, though, making the transition from a week with my family in the happiest place on earth… back into the real world. We spent several days rubbing shoulders with families from all over the world, where we heard many languages spoken, where my girls lit up with wonder to see that It’s a Small World after all; we spend a week in a place where – for all the tantrums, and yes, there were plenty – a place where nevertheless we were surrounded by people who smiled at us, who helped us, who went out of their way for us, who treated my children like royalty, who did everything they could not just for our family but for every family there.

 And then we came home… we flew home on Inauguration Day, and it quickly became apparent that things are changing and changing quickly. I don’t know about you, but my head has been spinning – trying to keep up with “alternative facts” and executive orders and gag orders, hearing the voices of neighbors fearing for their immigration status, families terrified of losing their health care, couples wondering if their marriages could be overturned, not to mention the sheer number of people who do not see the painful irony of closing the doors to refugees on the very same day of a “pro-life” march and remembrance for the victims of the Holocaust.

 And what hurts my heart the most are the number of our Christian brothers and sisters who don’t see it. I keep hearing in my head the echo of Paul’s words to the Galatians: I am astonished that you are turning away from the truth of the gospel, that you are being fooled by a false gospel – because that’s what we’re seeing. So many pastors, so many of our neighbors and colleagues and friends, are falling in line behind and preaching a gospel where might makes right, where God’s favor can be earned, where riches are a sign of God’s blessings, and only the strongest survive.

 That’s not the gospel I know; that’s not the gospel Jesus preached… that kind of gospel is really only “good news” to the rich and the powerful – and a gospel that is only good news to the rich and the powerful is one Jesus wouldn’t recognize at all.

 That is, I think, why these familiar words from the Sermon on the Mount, why they are so profound and radical indeed. What’s happening here is, it’s very early in Jesus’ ministry. He’s been tempted in the wilderness, he’s just called his disciples, and then he went on a tour through the area of Galilee. And this area, it wasn’t the richest area. It was an area populated by fishermen and their families, by farmers and their families, by working people just trying to take care of one another. Jesus went through the area teaching, and giving good news, and healing many who were ill. And the news began to spread, that there was a new young teacher in Galilee who spoke good news and offered healing, so that people started to travel from all around to find him, bringing their sons, their daughters, their parents, their neighbors, themselves, looking for relief from pain and possessions and all the suffering that they faced. And Jesus welcomed those desperate people, and he healed them, and this large crowd of those looking for help and those who’d found it, this large crowd started to follow him.

 And Matthew says, when Jesus looked at the crowd, that’s when he went up on the hillside and he started to teach. As he looked out at the crowd of local families and foreigners, the crowd of hurting and sick and poor and grieving people, the crowds of people hungry for bread and hungry for hope – Jesus started to speak. And he said,

 “Blessed are the poor in spirit…

“Blessed are those who mourn...

“Blessed are the meek…

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness…

“Blessed are the merciful…

“Blessed are the pure in heart…

“Blessed are the peacemakers…

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, lie and say all kinds of evil about you, because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward.”

 Those crowds, just like the crowds today, had long been told that they didn’t matter, that they weren’t important. They’d been taught that God’s blessings came in the form of money and power – and because they had neither, they didn’t matter to God, and they didn’t matter to the world, either. They were nobodies. They were expendable, bit players in the corner of the global stage, and while the high priests and the caesars were off shaping the world, they were forgotten; no one saw them, no one heard them, no one even knew their names.

 Jesus looked out at those crowds – and he didn’t see nobodies. He didn’t say, if you just worked harder, if you just tried harder, if you had enough faith and did all the right things, then God would bless you, because God helps those who help themselves.

 No, Jesus said:

 You are already blessed.

 You are already blessed, when you can’t help yourself. You are already blessed, when you can barely get out of bed in the morning. When your heart is breaking, when you’re alone and afraid, when you’re hungry for justice, when you’re just plain hungry – God has not forgotten you. You are not abandoned; you are not forsaken. God doesn’t look at you and see a nobody; God looks at you and says, You, I love; You, I know; You are mine, and you are blessed.

 Is anybody on Twitter at all? Basically, Twitter is one a way that, if you have something you want to say, you can “tweet” it – you put it out on Twitter and send it into the universe. And there is this thing on twitter called a hash tag. What you can do with a hash tag is put a tag, a label, on your post, so that everyone who’s interested in a certain topic can find what people are saying about them. People hashtag politicians, they hashtag disasters and popular TV shows, they hashtag #MissUniverse and #WomensMarch and #love and #cute and #SuperBowl.

 And this week, I decided to see what people were saying that they chose to label with the hashtag #blessed.

 Let me give you just a sample of what I found:

 The very first thing that popped up was this – someone posted, “Got pulled over doing 42 in a 30. Told the police officer I’m in a rush [because] Popeyes closes at 9:30 and he let me go. He a real one #blessed”

 Many of the posts were similarly – we might say, trivial? Like the college student who tweeted, “I just realized I only have one class tomorrow… at noon #blessed”

 Or the food fan who posted, with a picture, “There’s a twenty-layer rainbow crepe in Queens #blessed.”

 One young lady gushed, with an ad for a clothing store attached, “I have this sweater in pink and its my favorite thing and now they’re 60% off (hearts for eyes emoticon) (crying my eyes out emoticon) #blessed”

 How about the – I hope sarcastic? – post: “I have lived to see the era of Artisanal Pop-Tarts #blessed.”

 Ah, yes, I remember well when Jesus said, “Blessed are you when your artificial breakfast pastries are slightly less artificial, for yours is the breakfast of heaven.”

 There are, of course, plenty of #blessed posts about boyfriends and girlfriends and spouses and children; I found a surprising number celebrating the blessing of snowdays and school delays. There were the obligatory folks bragging about days on the beach or trips-of-a-lifetime, and others giving thanks for new jobs or promotions or raises. But there were also many about make-up and mac and cheese and new cars and cups of coffee… And it really, really amazed me to discover that, at this time of year, more than half of the #blessed posts have to do with offers to play college football. I lost track of how many times I read “I am committed to play at” or “Proud to have an offer from” (insert university name here) #blessed.

 Don’t get me wrong: there’s a lot to be said for celebrating the good things in our live, the big ones and the small. There’s something healthy about celebrating hard work paying off with good grades or scholarship offers; there’s something healthy about celebrating friendships and relationships; and there’s something healthy about being thankful for the little things, for favorite socks and a good cup of coffee. I get that.

 But I just can’t help but think that, when Jesus said, “Blessed” – that’s not what he meant. Could you even imagine what those tweets would look like?

 They say God won’t give me more than I can handle, but I don’t even know where God is any more #blessed

My mother just died; I am heartbroken and don’t know how I’m going to live the rest of my life without her #blessed

Got yelled at at work again today; I know it’s about them not me, but I still cried in the bathroom #blessed

I am so hungry, my check doesn’t come in until next Friday, feeding my kids ketchup sandwiches while my stomach rumbles again tonight #blessed

Tried to make peace at family dinner but plates were still broken, hurtful words were yelled, and I ended up alone again #blessed

Going to lose my job because I told the truth #blessed

I am so lonely #blessed

I can’t get out of bed today #blessed

Crying so hard, it’s hard to breathe #blessed

 But that’s what Jesus says: you’re blessed when you’re mourning, when you’re feeling weak, when you’re hungry for justice, when you’re thirsty for truth, when you can’t make ends meet, when you’re good to those who don’t deserve it, when you’re trying to make peace, when you’re lied about, when you’re losing the fight, when you’re feeling alone… when you’re feeling cursed, that’s when you’re blessed.

 Which begs the question: What does “blessed” mean? – does it mean happy? Lucky? Privileged? Fortunate? Favored?

 It can’t be the same as our usual understanding, where being #blessed has to do with escaping speeding tickets and catching footballs and eating desserts. Jesus never says happy are the rich, happy are the popular, happy are the powerful and the comfortable… He says, happy, blessed are the mournful, the poor in spirit, the hungry, the peacemakers and the meek.

 And there are lots of theories about what Jesus means when he says that, but I think what he meant was – as he looked out at that crowd that day, the crowd of people who’d been forsaken and overlooked and ignored all their lives, he said: you, and you, and you are blessed. I see you; God sees you. You are blessed, right in the middle of your mess – not because everything is easy, but because it’s real, and it’s in the real stuff of living that God meets us. You are blessed, because it’s in the real mess of life that Christ chooses to be. God didn’t send a king, an emperor, or a president to save us; God sent a child, born to two poor parents, born in a barn, raised in a modest home, taught to work for a living – God came as someone who knows what it is to be ordinary, to be overlooked, to struggle to make it through.

 Jesus said, if you look for me, look among the poor and the hungry and the naked and the sick and the imprisoned, look with the immigrants and the refugees and the outsiders, and I’ll be there.

 When we feel as far away from #blessed as we can be – that’s when we need to know that God is still with us, God see us, God loves us, God chooses us…

 Which means we have two questions before us today:

 First, do we really believe that God is with us, that we are beloved by God, even when we’re struggling, when we’re suffering, when we’re weighed down with grief and doubts and pain? Dare we call ourselves “blessed” when nothing comes easy, and it really takes an act of faith to do it?

 And the second question is, dare we call others “blessed” too? Are we making room at our table for those whom God has called beloved and blessed? Do we welcome the hungry? The struggling? The ones who are filled with difficult questions? Do we welcome the strangers, the immigrants and refugees? Do we welcome those who try to walk the narrow middle road, to make peace? Do we welcome those who speak truth and call us to justice?

 Do we really want to be blessed? Do we want to be with those whom God called blessed? Are we willing not just to “serve” but to be served? Will we listen, will we learn, trusting that as we do, we will get a clearer picture of the heart of God?

 Especially in the world we face today, we need to be brought back again and again to the real good news: God is not on the side of the loudest or the most powerful; God is not on the side of the rich insiders of the world. God is always on the outside; and when we feel left out, God is there with us; and when we see others being left in the cold – God is with them, and God challenges us to be with them, too.

 God’s grace, God’s love, God’s blessing is big enough for us all.

 You are blessed today. You are blessed, you are beloved, you are welcome, you are wanted, you are seen, you are heart, you are loved.

 Let us know that we are blessed; let us bless others, in the name of the God who loves us still.

  God, you challenge us today. You challenge us to reconsider how our priorities line up with yours. We long to be comfortable, to be safe, to be happy; we want things to be easier – but you remind us that you are closest to us in the midst of the struggle. Comfort us as we mourn today; teach us humility, and make us hungry for justice and thirsty for what is right. Help us to show mercy, to love not just the people we agree with, to help not just those whom we deem worth – but to love as generously and help as graciously as you do. Show us how to be peacemakers, and when the path leads us to persecution, when we struggle, when we stumble along the way – bless us with your love, bless us with your strength, bless us with your courage and your grace once again. Help us to make peace; help us to have peace. May we be blessed; may we be blessings. In Christ’s name we pray; amen.

[mastcomm]

The Best and Worst of the Grammys

The 62nd annual Grammy Awards on Sunday were going to take place in the shadow of a scandal: the removal of the Recording Academy chief Deborah Dugan 10 days before the event and the stinging allegations of misconduct at the nonprofit that oversees the awards that she outlined in a complaint to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Instead, they took place in the aftermath of tragedy: the death of Kobe Bryant in a helicopter crash at 41. The host Alicia Keys was tasked with responding to the basketball star’s death on-air; she chose to make a statement about “respect” after what she called “a hell of a week,” too.

Here are the show’s highlights and lowlights as we saw them.

Best Coronation: Billie Eilish

​It’s been a long time since a phenomenon as talented, authentic, complex and delightfully of-the-moment as Billie Eilish took over the Grammys​. She turned five of her six nominations into wins, victorious in all four major categories (album, song and record of the year, plus best new artist), becoming the first artist to sweep since Christopher Cross in 1981. At 18, she’s the youngest person to win album of the year. It is all richly deserved: “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?” redefines teen-pop stardom, as Jon Pareles wrote in his review of the album. Eilish (working with her producer brother, Finneas O’Connell) digs her shapely talons into the conflicts that throb in our minds like her meticulously constructed tracks: anxiety and confidence, love and terror, fairy tales and reality. She is a genuine melting pot of pop history — goths, rappers, confessional singer-songwriters, all tucked into baggy clothes that defy all kinds of stereotypes. “Why,” she cried into the microphone as she accepted her first televised award, for song of the year. “Aye yi yi,” she started her second, for best new artist. “Please don’t be me,” she mouthed as album of the year was being announced. Finneas spoke up during their speech for the LP: “We wrote an album about depression and suicidal thoughts and climate change and being the ‘Bad Guy,’ whatever that means,” he said, “and we stand up here confused and grateful.” It was simply proof that sometimes the music industry does get it right. CARYN GANZ

Best Flown-in Flute: Lizzo

Ever the savvy trouper, Lizzo maximized her opening slot. “Tonight is for Kobe!” she proclaimed at the start, then launched into her screaming, rasping, sobbing, pealing “Cuz I Love You,” in a monumental black dress. An orchestral interlude threatened to turn “Truth Hurts” into Grammy kitsch, but it was just long enough for a costume change — then Lizzo was back with rhymes, skintight sequins, dancers and kiss-off sass. A flute descended on a plastic tray; she played just enough showy trills and runs, then growled harder to finish the song. If a prime-time network audience hadn’t already known who Lizzo is, they knew now. JON PARELES

Worst Use of an Award Presentation: Comedy Album

It’s conventional wisdom at this point that the Grammys are more of a concert special than an awards show, but presenting the trophy for best comedy album on a night where only nine awards were given over nearly four hours was absurd. On Sunday, that insult to musicians was compounded when Dave Chappelle won for the third straight year in the category — it’s not like they were giving a new face some shine — and then compounded once again by the fact that Chappelle, who might’ve at least given a speech to remember, did not even show up. (Poor Jim Gaffigan, and also every smaller artist in a genre category whose life would’ve been made by accepting a Grammy onstage.) Tanya Tucker accepted on Chappelle’s behalf, giving a halfhearted “I’m sure he thanks y’all.” Right. Sure. JOE COSCARELLI

Best Call to Arms: Sean (Diddy) Combs

There were only the faintest hints of skepticism at the Grammys on Sunday, only the mildest acknowledgment of the controversies that have been engulfing the Recording Academy for the past two weeks, and really, the past two years. Saturday night, however, Sean Combs received the Salute to Industry Icons Award at the Clive Davis and Recording Academy’s Pre-Grammy Gala, and Diddy did not mince words. “Truth be told, hip-hop has never been respected by the Grammys. Black music has never been respected by the Grammys to the point that it should be,” he said. “For years we’ve allowed institutions that have never had our best interests at heart to judge us. And that stops right now.” He issued a challenge to the Recording Academy to make radical changes in the next year, and urged his fellow artists and executives to be part of the evolution. And if things don’t change, Diddy’s predictions were dire: “We have the power. We decide what’s hot. If we don’t go, nobody goes. We don’t support, nobody supports.” JON CARAMANICA

Best Example of Someone Coming to Play: Tyler, the Creator

Taking the Grammys seriously is usually a fool’s task, yet there was something extremely endearing about the way Tyler, the Creator rose to the occasion, and beyond it. His red carpet look was crisp bellhop. His performance, of “Earfquake” and “New Magic Wand,” was fully engaged and rowdy. His best rap album acceptance speech was pointedly warm. And his backstage pressroom interview was frank. He received a lot from the Grammys last night, but he gave much more. CARAMANICA

Best Rock ’n’ Roll ​Mess​: Aerosmith and Run-D.M.C.

It was not technically good. But it didn’t have to be good: It had to be insane, and on that point, it delivered. Steven Tyler side-skedaddled over to Joe Perry and dragged his scarf-draped mic stand around the Staples Center. Run-D.M.C. broke through a wall of bricks that looked like a prop from a middle school play. Everyone seemed to be yelling, record-scratching and guitar-soloing in the wrong key, at the wrong tempo, in the wrong decade. But the crowd was grinning and dancing, swept up in some magical blend of nostalgia and Tyler’s frontman charisma. (Two younger women in the front row were literally swept up by the latter. Cringe.) This was the party the Grammys have been trying, and failing, to capture for several years: the power of rock ’n’ roll lunacy, compressed into seven minutes of riffing, screaming and nonsense. GANZ

Worst Self-Cover Version: Aerosmith and Run-D.M.C.

Television cameras and headphone listening were merciless to Aerosmith, who paired up with Run-D.M.C. to recreate their shared 1986 remake of “Walk This Way,” which recharged Aerosmith’s career and introduced hip-hop to many rock fans. That was a long time ago. After Aerosmith plodded through “Livin’ on the Edge” — though Tyler playfully dragooned Lizzo for an impromptu audience singalong — Joe Perry fumbled his indelible opening riff for “Walk This Way.” Run-D.M.C. joined in for colliding vocals, overenthusiastic turntable scratching, incoherent solos from Perry and audience-participation high jinks from Tyler. It looked like fun, anyway. PARELES

Best Internet Fever Dream: Lil Nas X and Co.’s ‘Old Town Road’ Medley

Like most of what Lil Nas X has accomplished in the last year, his epic performance of “Old Town Road” at the Grammys was not primarily about the music. Instead, he attempted the magic act of making memeability translate to network television, and he more or less pulled it off, relying on an intricate rotating set where each door led to another layer of winks and smirks: BTS, underutilized but still electric, did its “(Seoul Town Road Remix)”; Mason Ramsey and Billy Ray Cyrus kept their SEO alive; and Diplo pretended to play a banjo, adding about as much as he did to the success of “Old Town Road” in the first place. For the close-watchers and “Road” completists, there was the empty chamber, featuring a green slimy skull, where Young Thug should have been, and rather than detracting from the unity, his absence just gave us all a chance to breathe amid the MDMA explosion. COSCARELLI

Worst Silencing: The Prince Tribute

FKA twigs learned pole dancing to make her video for “Cellophane,” adding it to an already impressive movement vocabulary. She is also, however, a songwriter and singer who explores complex intersections of carnality, power and devotion — as Prince did. So she was an intriguing choice to join a tribute to Prince, billed alongside Usher and Sheila E. But Prince’s music remained a man’s world on Grammy night, with a three-song medley that was a teaser for a full-length Prince tribute planned by the Recording Academy. The band added Vegas embellishments to the basics of Prince’s arrangements, Usher did the lead singing and some Prince moves, Sheila E. added percussion and FKA twigs only danced: lithe and precise, but merely ornamental. “Of course I wanted to sing,” she wrote on Twitter, but she took what she could get. PARELES

Best Combination of People Who Actually Know One Another: The Nipsey Hussle Tribute

In a show that included no shortage of tear-jerking and maybe too many musical/visual/emotional whiplash moments, the tribute to the Los Angeles rapper Nipsey Hussle, who was killed last year, at least had coherence on its side. Meek Mill started things off with a crisp verse that led seamlessly into an appearance by Roddy Ricch, a surging talent from Nipsey’s own neighborhood, before John Legend did his instant-gravitas thing. DJ Khaled shouted some aphorisms, YG showed off his impeccable style and some local inter-gang unity and then the gospel-crossover king Kirk Franklin brought the wave of emotion home with a choir in white and gold. Above the stage, a portrait of Nipsey was set next to one of Kobe Bryant, another hometown hero. All of these things make sense together, which is more than can be said for a lot of Grammys moments. COSCARELLI

Worst Sense of Pacing: Everyone Who Performed a Slow Song

I’ve complained before about the preponderance of ballads at the Grammys and this year was no exception. We get it: you’re a real musician whose songs are sturdy enough to be played on a grand piano. It’s not that, in isolation, any of these belted slow songs were especially bad, but between Camila Cabello, Billie Eilish, Demi Lovato, H.E.R., Tanya Tucker and Alicia Keys, the repeated down moments were just too down for a show that can already feel interminable. And at least half of those women are capable of lighting the place on fire à la Tyler, the Creator, so to see them stick with safety just feels like a missed opportunity, while also preventing any one minimalist performance from being truly showstopping. On the other hand, if ballads are the key to keeping CBS viewers tuned in, skipping over album of the year nominee Lana Del Rey, whose “Norman ___ Rockwell!” was full of modern-day, lightly subversive torch songs, was extra foolish. COSCARELLI

Best Simplicity: Tanya Tucker

The Grammys love their ballads overmuch — see above — but Tanya Tucker’s “Bring My Flowers Now” needed only her leathery twang and co-writer Brandi Carlile’s piano chords and vocal harmony to tell its story. After 20 years between albums, Carlile and collaborators convinced Tucker, now 61, to record again. The song greets looming mortality with pragmatism. “Don’t you spend time, tears or money/On my old breathless body,” she sang, her voice lived-in and completely convincing. PARELES

Worst (and Worst-Timed) Statement of Emotional Fidelity: Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani

The rictus ran heavy throughout “Nobody But You” by the real-life couple Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani. A country singer and a flexible pop singer, they don’t have any natural musical chemistry, and this performance was dry and awkward. That it was the first music played following the musical tribute to Kobe Bryant only made it grimmer. CARAMANICA

Best Guitar Heroics: Gary Clark Jr. and H.E.R.

“This Land,” by the Texas blues-rocker Gary Clark Jr., confronts hostile neighbors with property rights. Backed by the Roots, Clark blasted its blues-reggae riff, snarled the lyrics and played the kind of overdriven solo that drew screams from the audience. It’s what he’s known for; he was back for the show’s “Fame” finale. But it was H.E.R. — a recent Grammy darling for her old-school musicianship — who made the surprise attack. Her song “Sometimes” started, like so many others on the show, as an unadorned piano ballad about overcoming obstacles; a mini-orchestra joined her. But as the song built, suddenly H.E.R. had a guitar in hand and she was making it wail and shred. It was just eight bars, but it made its point completely. PARELES

Worst Encapsulation of the Way It Used to Be (and Hopefully No Longer Will Be): ‘I Sing the Body Electric’

This is the final year of Ken Ehrlich’s 40-year run as the show’s executive producer, which means this might be the final time we see a precision-executed, umpteen-minute-long so-called Grammy Moment that scrambles together rappers, singers, dancers, Grammy stalwarts (Lang Lang! Gary Clark Jr.!) and music students … and that would be just fine. CARAMANICA

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‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

Hello everyone. I would like to thank my loyal followers for questioning my whereabouts on Twitter. I was actually on vacation, because Im not poor. Sorry, but watching these morons was just not a fucking option. I was zen AF and I dont need Carolinas crocodile tears ruining it, k thx.

ANYWAYS, so onto the episode. It was kind of eh, Im going to be honest. If youre looking for another reason to be annoyed by Giannas existence though, then it def delivered.

AFTER THE MATCH CEREMONY

They are all pumped about getting four beams. In fact, if you took a shot for every time someone said four fucking beams youd need to get stomach pumped four fucking times.

Tyranny is like Ossssssssssssssssvaldo is my match. Honestly can we just cut the accent though? Hes from Chicago for gods sake, not Italy.

Oswaldo is not so sure. Hes like she could be my match! Or she isnt! Yeah, thats pretty much how life works, actually.

Also, can we acknowledge the giant-ass drink Tee has the whole time? That cup is actually my favorite cast member this season.

Carolina and Hayden start having a pillow fight because FOUR FUCKING BEAMS, AMIRIGHT?

Now Carolina is very suddenly into Hayden. Carolinas emotions give me whiplash. Betsy DeVos nomination was more certain than this bitch.

Gianna is like “OH NO. NOT TODAY. I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTHSIDE FOR THIS.” Shes like I’M GOING TO CONTINUE TO PURSUE THIS MAN WHO TREATS ME SO WELL. Even though they are a confirmed no match. Makes total sense.

So you unfriend-zoned him to cock block him? Seems v fair. So when you go to sleep, do you leave Haydens balls under your pillow or on your nightstand? Let me know.

*Starts Twitter Poll* Is Gianna hot? Yes or No?

Tyler apologizes to Taylor and is like “I have no excuse for being the ‘big bad wolf’ in this.” So youre eating peoples grandmas now? Very Hannibal Lecter-chic. Not sure Tyler understands that hes referencing a fairytale, but hes pretty so well overlook it.

Hes like these girls are all over me wah, life is hard.

TAYLOR: Im mad *looks at Tylers beautiful face* but Im not like, thatttt mad

Hes like Im not that guy, you know that! Shes like,

TYLER: I want to dump Shannon and date you

EVERYONE AT HOME:

Gianna goes to have a talk with Hayden, which she announces for everyone to know. Shes from the Midwest, okay? Shes not used to this whole having brains thing, cut her some slack!

GIANNA: HEY CAMERA GUY IM GOING TO HAVE A TALK WITH HAYDEN ALSO GIANNA: were very low-key shhhh

Little Mike is like this is bullshit, they are not a match, they need to stop and its like SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

GIANNA: I dont want to stop you from doing something but stop fucking doing it. (Im not even making that up, thats an exact quote) HAYDEN: But I need to play the game GIANNA: Did I fucking stutter

So Hayden has relocated from friendzone island to being a little bitch island. Need a house warming gift, Hayden? Ill get you crowbar so you can pull your head out of your ass. Youre welcome.

Gianna and Hayden have sex, giving life to the newest Trump supporter Im sure. Carolina sees all of this and is like wtffffff. Shes like, totally in love with Hayden! Like, they spoke for a whole 10 minutes. Didnt that mean anything to him?

Andre is like “IF THEY FUCK THIS UP IM GOING TO BE PISSED” and Im like do it. Get mad. You wont. No balls.

Honestly, Gianna could probs take Andre in a fight. That girl should be a fuckin prison warden.

THE CHALLENGE

The challenge this week is for the dudes. The guys have to spin themselves and then go through an obstacle course. Then they have to shoot a basketball into the hoop of the girl they want to date. The person who shoots the third basketball in the hoop wins the date.

challenges sound like the hazing the gay frats do. Its all v weak.

The guys start the game and are falling all over the place. *plays Ed Sheeran*

Hayden is like, fuck it. Fuck this game. Idfc anymore, Im here for Gianna.

HAYDEN:I love Gianna

ME:

He decides to help Oswaldo win a date with Tee. See heres the thingI like Hayden, but I also think hes being very dumb. Its a hard spot for me rn. Really struggling.

Tee being proud of Oswaldo for winning is like Trump being proud of winning president. We all know he couldnt have won without Hayden/Russia.

Derrick and Joey are trying to win Rush Boobss date. Derrick wants to win because fuck Joey. Theyre shooting for legit five minutes. Seriously, Ive seen better shots from . When is the last time you played basketball? Third grade? Derricks like I played division I basketball! which sounds like an alternative fact to me.

Joey wins. So its Osvaldo/Tee and Joey/Rush Boobs.

Ryan tells them they are going to trapeze and Tee is like Im black, I shouldnt be in the air. How did you get to the Dominican Republic? Drive? Horseback? I didnt know your skin color made you less aerodynamic. I just saw and honestly, Im a fucking scientist now.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Lets all agree that Tee is low-key alcoholic. Shes constantly sipping from that big-ass cup and it seems like they have a good connection. Could that be her match?

Eddie is talking to Alicia about how he is poor and shes like “LOL not me, cant relate to you peasant.” Eddie, you need to get your ass over to Kam where you fucking belong. Know your fucking place. Do not fuck this up for me, Eddie.

Tyler is trying to break up with Shannon and it is a train fucking wreck. Hes like I need to do the right thing and leave you. He actually stole the whole speech from Gabriella in .

REAL PICTURE OF TYLER:

Shannon is like “I feel dumb.” And she should, because she just got played. I feel bad for Shannon. Her voice makes me want to take a waltz off a bridge, but I do feel things, kind of.

Tylers like I didnt realize girls have feelings and get mad when you treat them poorly. Thats like saying I didnt know when you light shit on fire, it gets hot.

Meanwhile, Tee is very much trying to date rape Osvaldo. Its creepy tbh. If a guy was doing that to a girl on this show I would be dialing 911 by now. Tee, knock it off, it’s super gross.

They go to the boom boom room and literally boom boom because they break something. Oswaldo, way to not hold your ground.

Kam is oiling Eddie up and being goofy. I needed this.

Shes like I know Alicia and Eddy have a good friendship, Im not getting territorial, because this is a game show. I LOVE YOU KAM, I AM STARTING YOUR FAN CLUB. Shes so rational. Everyone be like her please.

THE DATE

Oswaldo is like this date will take our relationship to the next level, even though it already has gone to the next level. *wink, wink* I remember when I lost my virginity. We get it, you had sex.

They go to the trapeze place and Oswaldo is like Hopefully I dont break my neck. Thats a pretty reasonable goal.

They all are like surprisingly good at this. Even Tee, whose blackness surprisingly does not hinder her capabilities. Its a miracle.

Oswaldo and Tee are like being lovey-dovey because they fucked that one time. Hes like shes not trying to rape me and I like this side of her. I too am a big fan of the people who dont try and sexually assault me. Weird.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Ryan comes in hot and asks about the no matches, aka Gianna and Hayden, still hooking up.

Giannas like HOW IS THIS OUR FAULT??? Uh, youre a confirmed no match and youre hooking up. I feel like Im taking crazy pills. Leave the dumb shit to Rush Boobs, please god.

The house is like, “ugh we hate you, lets just get this shit over with.” Thats how I felt with pledges in my sorority.

Tyranny and Oswaldo go to the truth booth because duh.

OSWALDO: Im excited to learn if were a match and really connect on a deeper level. TEE: Im tryna fuck.

Im stressed because Tee will def die of alcohol poisoning tonight if this doesnt work out. And what do you know, NO MATCH.

Tee was like I was falling in love with him. Shes crying. Hes crying. This is depressing. Did I accidentally sit on the remote and turn on ?

Oswaldo starts boxing while Andre is talking him down and all the guys hug him. Wow, I love the bromance. What I love more is that eventually one of them will try and fight another. #Drama

After everything, Tyler and Shannon are still hanging out. Whats Tylers favorite thing about Shannon? She isnt Taylor. Hes got high standards, ya know? #FourFuckingBeams

Taylor is like youre fucked up. And hes like why, because Im having a conversation?

Ugh Taylor, this paaaaains me to say, because I usually automatically side with the hot girl, but hes low-key right. You need to chill out and move on. Hes not worth it, dude. Hes just not.

Andre asks Taylor wtf shes doing with Tyler and Im like YAS KEEP THIS UP.

Andre is like actually, we like each other, Taylor. And shes like wait, yeah we do. WTF is this Jedi mind control shit Andre has.

ANDRE: *swinging coin back and forth* you are getting very sleepy.. and youre going to fuck me TAYLOR: *eyes glazed* yes, master

He says that she should be a Victorias Secret Model and honestly she should marry him just for that. Like thats compliment of the goddam century.

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

Its the boys pick tonight. Please note that last time they blacked out harder than Tee does on any given weeknight.

Little Mike gets the ball rollin the wrong way and picks Kam.

Mikes like following our heart doesnt work. Hes like we should venture off, and though thats noble, maaaaaaybe not at the match ceremony. Thats like Michael Phelps being like LOOK FREESTYLE JUST DOESNT WORK right before the 4×100 relay.

Ozzy picks Hannah.

Oswaldo is up next and hes like “I GOTTA DO ME.” He picks Taylor.

Ryan asks Taylor how she feels about Tyler and shes like whos Tyler? Andre and her give each other looks and Im like OKAY YES IM HERE FOR THIS SHIT.

Ryans like Andre, do you wish you were with her and hes like Im practicing my patience. Whatever the fuck that means.

Oswaldo is like standing next to her like, lol just fuck me, right?

Andre picks Casandra.

Eddy picks Alicia and is like this is my homie.

KAM: I AM NOT WORRIED. ARE YOU WORRIED, BECAUSE I AM NOT WORRIED!!! *twitches*

Joey picks Rush boobs.

Derrick picks Gianna. Weird.

Tylers up and fucking moseys up to the front. Goddam hes like a walking Shakespeare playtragically beautiful.

Hes like Ryan, let me speak and Ryans like I didnt even say anything, but ok.

Tyler goes off about how he was painted as the villain and how he is innocent and how all this Taylor shit is fake news and the failing lamestream media is spreading false rumors!!! Sad!

Ryan asks Tyler who he likes more, Shannon or Taylor and Tyler picks Shannon.

RYAN: Do you think Tyler is your match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is Taylor his match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is the world round? SHANNON: IDK

Tylers talking about his breakup with Taylor and is like it sucks because you cant delete people in the real world. This is the first thing that I agree with him on. Dont worry Tyler, Ive watched . Well get to that point someday.

Michael picks KARI. Is it Carrie or KAAAAAARI? I have been saying KAAAAARI. Please DM some confirmation.

Hayden is next. Hayden tells the group that him and Gianna are affecting the game and they are going to stop screwing everyone over.

Gianna is like “WTF. WHO TOLD HIM HE COULD SPEAK? WHO LET HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE?” He picks Carolina. Hehe.

Jaylen and Tee are last. Tee is really bummed about Oswaldo and Ryan is like, “bitch its week four.”

These couples are random AF but idk Im drunk and just here to shit talk. Dont give that much of a fuck.

No blackout, so thats good. They get four beams again. Cant wait to hear them talk about it incessantly.

Read more: http://betches.co/2kojpty

from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

[nbafunnymeme]

'Are You The One?' Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

Hello everyone. I would like to thank my loyal followers for questioning my whereabouts on Twitter. I was actually on vacation, because Im not poor. Sorry, but watching these morons was just not a fucking option. I was zen AF and I dont need Carolinas crocodile tears ruining it, k thx.

ANYWAYS, so onto the episode. It was kind of eh, Im going to be honest. If youre looking for another reason to be annoyed by Giannas existence though, then it def delivered.

AFTER THE MATCH CEREMONY

They are all pumped about getting four beams. In fact, if you took a shot for every time someone said four fucking beams youd need to get stomach pumped four fucking times.

Tyranny is like Ossssssssssssssssvaldo is my match. Honestly can we just cut the accent though? Hes from Chicago for gods sake, not Italy.

Oswaldo is not so sure. Hes like she could be my match! Or she isnt! Yeah, thats pretty much how life works, actually.

Also, can we acknowledge the giant-ass drink Tee has the whole time? That cup is actually my favorite cast member this season.

Carolina and Hayden start having a pillow fight because FOUR FUCKING BEAMS, AMIRIGHT?

Now Carolina is very suddenly into Hayden. Carolinas emotions give me whiplash. Betsy DeVos nomination was more certain than this bitch.

Gianna is like “OH NO. NOT TODAY. I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTHSIDE FOR THIS.” Shes like I’M GOING TO CONTINUE TO PURSUE THIS MAN WHO TREATS ME SO WELL. Even though they are a confirmed no match. Makes total sense.

So you unfriend-zoned him to cock block him? Seems v fair. So when you go to sleep, do you leave Haydens balls under your pillow or on your nightstand? Let me know.

*Starts Twitter Poll* Is Gianna hot? Yes or No?

Tyler apologizes to Taylor and is like “I have no excuse for being the ‘big bad wolf’ in this.” So youre eating peoples grandmas now? Very Hannibal Lecter-chic. Not sure Tyler understands that hes referencing a fairytale, but hes pretty so well overlook it.

Hes like these girls are all over me wah, life is hard.

TAYLOR: Im mad *looks at Tylers beautiful face* but Im not like, thatttt mad

Hes like Im not that guy, you know that! Shes like,

TYLER: I want to dump Shannon and date you

EVERYONE AT HOME:

Gianna goes to have a talk with Hayden, which she announces for everyone to know. Shes from the Midwest, okay? Shes not used to this whole having brains thing, cut her some slack!

GIANNA: HEY CAMERA GUY IM GOING TO HAVE A TALK WITH HAYDEN ALSO GIANNA: were very low-key shhhh

Little Mike is like this is bullshit, they are not a match, they need to stop and its like SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

GIANNA: I dont want to stop you from doing something but stop fucking doing it. (Im not even making that up, thats an exact quote) HAYDEN: But I need to play the game GIANNA: Did I fucking stutter

So Hayden has relocated from friendzone island to being a little bitch island. Need a house warming gift, Hayden? Ill get you crowbar so you can pull your head out of your ass. Youre welcome.

Gianna and Hayden have sex, giving life to the newest Trump supporter Im sure. Carolina sees all of this and is like wtffffff. Shes like, totally in love with Hayden! Like, they spoke for a whole 10 minutes. Didnt that mean anything to him?

Andre is like “IF THEY FUCK THIS UP IM GOING TO BE PISSED” and Im like do it. Get mad. You wont. No balls.

Honestly, Gianna could probs take Andre in a fight. That girl should be a fuckin prison warden.

THE CHALLENGE

The challenge this week is for the dudes. The guys have to spin themselves and then go through an obstacle course. Then they have to shoot a basketball into the hoop of the girl they want to date. The person who shoots the third basketball in the hoop wins the date.

challenges sound like the hazing the gay frats do. Its all v weak.

The guys start the game and are falling all over the place. *plays Ed Sheeran*

Hayden is like, fuck it. Fuck this game. Idfc anymore, Im here for Gianna.

HAYDEN:I love Gianna

ME:

He decides to help Oswaldo win a date with Tee. See heres the thingI like Hayden, but I also think hes being very dumb. Its a hard spot for me rn. Really struggling.

Tee being proud of Oswaldo for winning is like Trump being proud of winning president. We all know he couldnt have won without Hayden/Russia.

Derrick and Joey are trying to win Rush Boobss date. Derrick wants to win because fuck Joey. Theyre shooting for legit five minutes. Seriously, Ive seen better shots from . When is the last time you played basketball? Third grade? Derricks like I played division I basketball! which sounds like an alternative fact to me.

Joey wins. So its Osvaldo/Tee and Joey/Rush Boobs.

Ryan tells them they are going to trapeze and Tee is like Im black, I shouldnt be in the air. How did you get to the Dominican Republic? Drive? Horseback? I didnt know your skin color made you less aerodynamic. I just saw and honestly, Im a fucking scientist now.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Lets all agree that Tee is low-key alcoholic. Shes constantly sipping from that big-ass cup and it seems like they have a good connection. Could that be her match?

Eddie is talking to Alicia about how he is poor and shes like “LOL not me, cant relate to you peasant.” Eddie, you need to get your ass over to Kam where you fucking belong. Know your fucking place. Do not fuck this up for me, Eddie.

Tyler is trying to break up with Shannon and it is a train fucking wreck. Hes like I need to do the right thing and leave you. He actually stole the whole speech from Gabriella in .

REAL PICTURE OF TYLER:

Shannon is like “I feel dumb.” And she should, because she just got played. I feel bad for Shannon. Her voice makes me want to take a waltz off a bridge, but I do feel things, kind of.

Tylers like I didnt realize girls have feelings and get mad when you treat them poorly. Thats like saying I didnt know when you light shit on fire, it gets hot.

Meanwhile, Tee is very much trying to date rape Osvaldo. Its creepy tbh. If a guy was doing that to a girl on this show I would be dialing 911 by now. Tee, knock it off, it’s super gross.

They go to the boom boom room and literally boom boom because they break something. Oswaldo, way to not hold your ground.

Kam is oiling Eddie up and being goofy. I needed this.

Shes like I know Alicia and Eddy have a good friendship, Im not getting territorial, because this is a game show. I LOVE YOU KAM, I AM STARTING YOUR FAN CLUB. Shes so rational. Everyone be like her please.

THE DATE

Oswaldo is like this date will take our relationship to the next level, even though it already has gone to the next level. *wink, wink* I remember when I lost my virginity. We get it, you had sex.

They go to the trapeze place and Oswaldo is like Hopefully I dont break my neck. Thats a pretty reasonable goal.

They all are like surprisingly good at this. Even Tee, whose blackness surprisingly does not hinder her capabilities. Its a miracle.

Oswaldo and Tee are like being lovey-dovey because they fucked that one time. Hes like shes not trying to rape me and I like this side of her. I too am a big fan of the people who dont try and sexually assault me. Weird.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Ryan comes in hot and asks about the no matches, aka Gianna and Hayden, still hooking up.

Giannas like HOW IS THIS OUR FAULT??? Uh, youre a confirmed no match and youre hooking up. I feel like Im taking crazy pills. Leave the dumb shit to Rush Boobs, please god.

The house is like, “ugh we hate you, lets just get this shit over with.” Thats how I felt with pledges in my sorority.

Tyranny and Oswaldo go to the truth booth because duh.

OSWALDO: Im excited to learn if were a match and really connect on a deeper level. TEE: Im tryna fuck.

Im stressed because Tee will def die of alcohol poisoning tonight if this doesnt work out. And what do you know, NO MATCH.

Tee was like I was falling in love with him. Shes crying. Hes crying. This is depressing. Did I accidentally sit on the remote and turn on ?

Oswaldo starts boxing while Andre is talking him down and all the guys hug him. Wow, I love the bromance. What I love more is that eventually one of them will try and fight another. #Drama

After everything, Tyler and Shannon are still hanging out. Whats Tylers favorite thing about Shannon? She isnt Taylor. Hes got high standards, ya know? #FourFuckingBeams

Taylor is like youre fucked up. And hes like why, because Im having a conversation?

Ugh Taylor, this paaaaains me to say, because I usually automatically side with the hot girl, but hes low-key right. You need to chill out and move on. Hes not worth it, dude. Hes just not.

Andre asks Taylor wtf shes doing with Tyler and Im like YAS KEEP THIS UP.

Andre is like actually, we like each other, Taylor. And shes like wait, yeah we do. WTF is this Jedi mind control shit Andre has.

ANDRE: *swinging coin back and forth* you are getting very sleepy.. and youre going to fuck me TAYLOR: *eyes glazed* yes, master

He says that she should be a Victorias Secret Model and honestly she should marry him just for that. Like thats compliment of the goddam century.

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

Its the boys pick tonight. Please note that last time they blacked out harder than Tee does on any given weeknight.

Little Mike gets the ball rollin the wrong way and picks Kam.

Mikes like following our heart doesnt work. Hes like we should venture off, and though thats noble, maaaaaaybe not at the match ceremony. Thats like Michael Phelps being like LOOK FREESTYLE JUST DOESNT WORK right before the 4×100 relay.

Ozzy picks Hannah.

Oswaldo is up next and hes like “I GOTTA DO ME.” He picks Taylor.

Ryan asks Taylor how she feels about Tyler and shes like whos Tyler? Andre and her give each other looks and Im like OKAY YES IM HERE FOR THIS SHIT.

Ryans like Andre, do you wish you were with her and hes like Im practicing my patience. Whatever the fuck that means.

Oswaldo is like standing next to her like, lol just fuck me, right?

Andre picks Casandra.

Eddy picks Alicia and is like this is my homie.

KAM: I AM NOT WORRIED. ARE YOU WORRIED, BECAUSE I AM NOT WORRIED!!! *twitches*

Joey picks Rush boobs.

Derrick picks Gianna. Weird.

Tylers up and fucking moseys up to the front. Goddam hes like a walking Shakespeare playtragically beautiful.

Hes like Ryan, let me speak and Ryans like I didnt even say anything, but ok.

Tyler goes off about how he was painted as the villain and how he is innocent and how all this Taylor shit is fake news and the failing lamestream media is spreading false rumors!!! Sad!

Ryan asks Tyler who he likes more, Shannon or Taylor and Tyler picks Shannon.

RYAN: Do you think Tyler is your match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is Taylor his match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is the world round? SHANNON: IDK

Tylers talking about his breakup with Taylor and is like it sucks because you cant delete people in the real world. This is the first thing that I agree with him on. Dont worry Tyler, Ive watched . Well get to that point someday.

Michael picks KARI. Is it Carrie or KAAAAAARI? I have been saying KAAAAARI. Please DM some confirmation.

Hayden is next. Hayden tells the group that him and Gianna are affecting the game and they are going to stop screwing everyone over.

Gianna is like “WTF. WHO TOLD HIM HE COULD SPEAK? WHO LET HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE?” He picks Carolina. Hehe.

Jaylen and Tee are last. Tee is really bummed about Oswaldo and Ryan is like, “bitch its week four.”

These couples are random AF but idk Im drunk and just here to shit talk. Dont give that much of a fuck.

No blackout, so thats good. They get four beams again. Cant wait to hear them talk about it incessantly.

Read more: http://www.betches.com/are-you-the-one-season-5-episode-4-recap

http://nbafunnymeme.com/nba-news-and-higlights/are-you-the-one-recap-hi-my-name-is-tyranny-and-im-an-alcoholic

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The Best and Worst of the Grammys

The 62nd annual Grammy Awards on Sunday were going to take place in the shadow of a scandal: the removal of the Recording Academy chief Deborah Dugan 10 days before the event and the stinging allegations of misconduct at the nonprofit that oversees the awards that she outlined in a complaint to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Instead, they took place in the aftermath of tragedy: the death of Kobe Bryant in a helicopter crash at 41. The host Alicia Keys was tasked with responding to the basketball star’s death on-air; she chose to make a statement about “respect” after what she called “a hell of a week,” too.

Here are the show’s highlights and lowlights as we saw them.

Best Coronation: Billie Eilish

​It’s been a long time since a phenomenon as talented, authentic, complex and delightfully of-the-moment as Billie Eilish took over the Grammys​. She turned five of her six nominations into wins, victorious in all four major categories (album, song and record of the year, plus best new artist), becoming the first artist to sweep since Christopher Cross in 1981. At 18, she’s the youngest person to win album of the year. It is all richly deserved: “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?” redefines teen-pop stardom, as Jon Pareles wrote in his review of the album. Eilish (working with her producer brother, Finneas O’Connell) digs her shapely talons into the conflicts that throb in our minds like her meticulously constructed tracks: anxiety and confidence, love and terror, fairy tales and reality. She is a genuine melting pot of pop history — goths, rappers, confessional singer-songwriters, all tucked into baggy clothes that defy all kinds of stereotypes. “Why,” she cried into the microphone as she accepted her first televised award, for song of the year. “Aye yi yi,” she started her second, for best new artist. “Please don’t be me,” she mouthed as album of the year was being announced. Finneas spoke up during their speech for the LP: “We wrote an album about depression and suicidal thoughts and climate change and being the ‘Bad Guy,’ whatever that means,” he said, “and we stand up here confused and grateful.” It was simply proof that sometimes the music industry does get it right. CARYN GANZ

Best Flown-in Flute: Lizzo

Ever the savvy trouper, Lizzo maximized her opening slot. “Tonight is for Kobe!” she proclaimed at the start, then launched into her screaming, rasping, sobbing, pealing “Cuz I Love You,” in a monumental black dress. An orchestral interlude threatened to turn “Truth Hurts” into Grammy kitsch, but it was just long enough for a costume change — then Lizzo was back with rhymes, skintight sequins, dancers and kiss-off sass. A flute descended on a plastic tray; she played just enough showy trills and runs, then growled harder to finish the song. If a prime-time network audience hadn’t already known who Lizzo is, they knew now. JON PARELES

Worst Use of an Award Presentation: Comedy Album

It’s conventional wisdom at this point that the Grammys are more of a concert special than an awards show, but presenting the trophy for best comedy album on a night where only nine awards were given over nearly four hours was absurd. On Sunday, that insult to musicians was compounded when Dave Chappelle won for the third straight year in the category — it’s not like they were giving a new face some shine — and then compounded once again by the fact that Chappelle, who might’ve at least given a speech to remember, did not even show up. (Poor Jim Gaffigan, and also every smaller artist in a genre category whose life would’ve been made by accepting a Grammy onstage.) Tanya Tucker accepted on Chappelle’s behalf, giving a halfhearted “I’m sure he thanks y’all.” Right. Sure. JOE COSCARELLI

Best Call to Arms: Sean (Diddy) Combs

There were only the faintest hints of skepticism at the Grammys on Sunday, only the mildest acknowledgment of the controversies that have been engulfing the Recording Academy for the past two weeks, and really, the past two years. Saturday night, however, Sean Combs received the Salute to Industry Icons Award at the Clive Davis and Recording Academy’s Pre-Grammy Gala, and Diddy did not mince words. “Truth be told, hip-hop has never been respected by the Grammys. Black music has never been respected by the Grammys to the point that it should be,” he said. “For years we’ve allowed institutions that have never had our best interests at heart to judge us. And that stops right now.” He issued a challenge to the Recording Academy to make radical changes in the next year, and urged his fellow artists and executives to be part of the evolution. And if things don’t change, Diddy’s predictions were dire: “We have the power. We decide what’s hot. If we don’t go, nobody goes. We don’t support, nobody supports.” JON CARAMANICA

Best Example of Someone Coming to Play: Tyler, the Creator

Taking the Grammys seriously is usually a fool’s task, yet there was something extremely endearing about the way Tyler, the Creator rose to the occasion, and beyond it. His red carpet look was crisp bellhop. His performance, of “Earfquake” and “New Magic Wand,” was fully engaged and rowdy. His best rap album acceptance speech was pointedly warm. And his backstage pressroom interview was frank. He received a lot from the Grammys last night, but he gave much more. CARAMANICA

Best Rock ’n’ Roll ​Mess​: Aerosmith and Run-D.M.C.

It was not technically good. But it didn’t have to be good: It had to be insane, and on that point, it delivered. Steven Tyler side-skedaddled over to Joe Perry and dragged his scarf-draped mic stand around the Staples Center. Run-D.M.C. broke through a wall of bricks that looked like a prop from a middle school play. Everyone seemed to be yelling, record-scratching and guitar-soloing in the wrong key, at the wrong tempo, in the wrong decade. But the crowd was grinning and dancing, swept up in some magical blend of nostalgia and Tyler’s frontman charisma. (Two younger women in the front row were literally swept up by the latter. Cringe.) This was the party the Grammys have been trying, and failing, to capture for several years: the power of rock ’n’ roll lunacy, compressed into seven minutes of riffing, screaming and nonsense. GANZ

Worst Self-Cover Version: Aerosmith and Run-D.M.C.

Television cameras and headphone listening were merciless to Aerosmith, who paired up with Run-D.M.C. to recreate their shared 1986 remake of “Walk This Way,” which recharged Aerosmith’s career and introduced hip-hop to many rock fans. That was a long time ago. After Aerosmith plodded through “Livin’ on the Edge” — though Tyler playfully dragooned Lizzo for an impromptu audience singalong — Joe Perry fumbled his indelible opening riff for “Walk This Way.” Run-D.M.C. joined in for colliding vocals, overenthusiastic turntable scratching, incoherent solos from Perry and audience-participation high jinks from Tyler. It looked like fun, anyway. PARELES

Best Internet Fever Dream: Lil Nas X and Co.’s ‘Old Town Road’ Medley

Like most of what Lil Nas X has accomplished in the last year, his epic performance of “Old Town Road” at the Grammys was not primarily about the music. Instead, he attempted the magic act of making memeability translate to network television, and he more or less pulled it off, relying on an intricate rotating set where each door led to another layer of winks and smirks: BTS, underutilized but still electric, did its “(Seoul Town Road Remix)”; Mason Ramsey and Billy Ray Cyrus kept their SEO alive; and Diplo pretended to play a banjo, adding about as much as he did to the success of “Old Town Road” in the first place. For the close-watchers and “Road” completists, there was the empty chamber, featuring a green slimy skull, where Young Thug should have been, and rather than detracting from the unity, his absence just gave us all a chance to breathe amid the MDMA explosion. COSCARELLI

Worst Silencing: The Prince Tribute

FKA twigs learned pole dancing to make her video for “Cellophane,” adding it to an already impressive movement vocabulary. She is also, however, a songwriter and singer who explores complex intersections of carnality, power and devotion — as Prince did. So she was an intriguing choice to join a tribute to Prince, billed alongside Usher and Sheila E. But Prince’s music remained a man’s world on Grammy night, with a three-song medley that was a teaser for a full-length Prince tribute planned by the Recording Academy. The band added Vegas embellishments to the basics of Prince’s arrangements, Usher did the lead singing and some Prince moves, Sheila E. added percussion and FKA twigs only danced: lithe and precise, but merely ornamental. “Of course I wanted to sing,” she wrote on Twitter, but she took what she could get. PARELES

Best Combination of People Who Actually Know One Another: The Nipsey Hussle Tribute

In a show that included no shortage of tear-jerking and maybe too many musical/visual/emotional whiplash moments, the tribute to the Los Angeles rapper Nipsey Hussle, who was killed last year, at least had coherence on its side. Meek Mill started things off with a crisp verse that led seamlessly into an appearance by Roddy Ricch, a surging talent from Nipsey’s own neighborhood, before John Legend did his instant-gravitas thing. DJ Khaled shouted some aphorisms, YG showed off his impeccable style and some local inter-gang unity and then the gospel-crossover king Kirk Franklin brought the wave of emotion home with a choir in white and gold. Above the stage, a portrait of Nipsey was set next to one of Kobe Bryant, another hometown hero. All of these things make sense together, which is more than can be said for a lot of Grammys moments. COSCARELLI

Worst Sense of Pacing: Everyone Who Performed a Slow Song

I’ve complained before about the preponderance of ballads at the Grammys and this year was no exception. We get it: you’re a real musician whose songs are sturdy enough to be played on a grand piano. It’s not that, in isolation, any of these belted slow songs were especially bad, but between Camila Cabello, Billie Eilish, Demi Lovato, H.E.R., Tanya Tucker and Alicia Keys, the repeated down moments were just too down for a show that can already feel interminable. And at least half of those women are capable of lighting the place on fire à la Tyler, the Creator, so to see them stick with safety just feels like a missed opportunity, while also preventing any one minimalist performance from being truly showstopping. On the other hand, if ballads are the key to keeping CBS viewers tuned in, skipping over album of the year nominee Lana Del Rey, whose “Norman ___ Rockwell!” was full of modern-day, lightly subversive torch songs, was extra foolish. COSCARELLI

Best Simplicity: Tanya Tucker

The Grammys love their ballads overmuch — see above — but Tanya Tucker’s “Bring My Flowers Now” needed only her leathery twang and co-writer Brandi Carlile’s piano chords and vocal harmony to tell its story. After 20 years between albums, Carlile and collaborators convinced Tucker, now 61, to record again. The song greets looming mortality with pragmatism. “Don’t you spend time, tears or money/On my old breathless body,” she sang, her voice lived-in and completely convincing. PARELES

Worst (and Worst-Timed) Statement of Emotional Fidelity: Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani

The rictus ran heavy throughout “Nobody But You” by the real-life couple Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani. A country singer and a flexible pop singer, they don’t have any natural musical chemistry, and this performance was dry and awkward. That it was the first music played following the musical tribute to Kobe Bryant only made it grimmer. CARAMANICA

Best Guitar Heroics: Gary Clark Jr. and H.E.R.

“This Land,” by the Texas blues-rocker Gary Clark Jr., confronts hostile neighbors with property rights. Backed by the Roots, Clark blasted its blues-reggae riff, snarled the lyrics and played the kind of overdriven solo that drew screams from the audience. It’s what he’s known for; he was back for the show’s “Fame” finale. But it was H.E.R. — a recent Grammy darling for her old-school musicianship — who made the surprise attack. Her song “Sometimes” started, like so many others on the show, as an unadorned piano ballad about overcoming obstacles; a mini-orchestra joined her. But as the song built, suddenly H.E.R. had a guitar in hand and she was making it wail and shred. It was just eight bars, but it made its point completely. PARELES

Worst Encapsulation of the Way It Used to Be (and Hopefully No Longer Will Be): ‘I Sing the Body Electric’

This is the final year of Ken Ehrlich’s 40-year run as the show’s executive producer, which means this might be the final time we see a precision-executed, umpteen-minute-long so-called Grammy Moment that scrambles together rappers, singers, dancers, Grammy stalwarts (Lang Lang! Gary Clark Jr.!) and music students … and that would be just fine. CARAMANICA

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