#everyone he works with is so baffled by right and angel but no one wants to really ask about it except maybe brent but

[vidavalor]

oh right on @seaweednpeanuts lol. Don't forget my favorite:

@werehounded: <<people who can't see aziraphale as at least a switch baffle me. literally baffle me.>>

Jim knows what they all are lol.

<<i say this lovingly, as someone who's usually a Dominant partner, and has done plenty of submissive stuff and kinky things irl as well as online - crowley is conclusively NOT a sadistic daddy dom into impact play and leather or whatever else people assume of him because demon has to = Dominant top or whatever>>

I think that Crowley would love for you to think he is this but, yeah, I agree that he's definitely not lol. Shax thinks he is-- that alone probably tells you how much he absolutely is not. It's not seeing the show Crowley is putting on. Soft dom Crowley and his pun-laden growls, sure, but nothing remotely sadistic.

Obviously, everyone's own ideas about this are their own and fine and everything and I'm not trying to yuck anyone's yum, but if we're all just talking about what we personally think? I've never seen two characters who are less into pretty much any kink that overlaps with pain or violence than Crowley and Aziraphale. The ceiling on that really feels like Aziraphale liking the occasional swat sometimes with a Bible ok this is getting too specific lol but like that's a far cry from some of the people who seem to think Crowley wants to build a dungeon in the South Downs Cottage basement.

It's like thinking that his taste really runs to the gauche chair in his old flat when his car and his love of Aziraphale's bookshop (and his angel) tell you he's got a far classier eye than he lets on. He's just trying to keep himself safe in a den of vipers. It's all part of a persona he's crafted for himself to give him a sense of power and control in a situation in which he actually has very little power and control.

And you know who else acts like that in a very similar way to cover up the fact that he's a fucking marshmallow and a half? This guy:

<<like. this angel, even if his predilections tend to have him bottoming - which, none of us know if he prefers that, really. we just know he's flamboyant at times, and 'gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide' at others >>

See, this is what I think is really good about Good Omens at the same time as it can be frustrating when reading posts sometimes because just in this one post (not your response alone but all of them so far to the original one I made), I've seen a bunch of really intelligent people showing how we all have some internalized assumptions that we have to work to overcome.

The level of misogyny in our world is such that we have internalized the idea of a gay man who can be, at times, what some might term effeminate as a woman and a woman as always being a receptive and/or submissive partner. So pervasive are patriarchal ideas about gender in our world that even here, in the fandom for the story about the non-binary-out-of-the-box, human-angel-demons, we're still wading through our ideas about it.

This is why the show is talking about patriarchy so much with Pepper and Sitis and references to Lot's Wife and many more. It's why Jim is asking what a wife is because, when you ask that question, what you're really asking is what is a partnership where the partners don't adhere to traditional gender roles? and the next question there is: wouldn't it be a hell of a lot more equal and satisfying? It's 'smash the patriarchy' in a question.

There's also a moment in the show about how perceived gender informs sexuality assumptions in otherwise really progressive people that I loved because it showed how even the best of us need to be a bit more aware of it at times. It's Nina's assumptions about Crowley in this bit here:

Nina is a modern, progressive, socially conscious, queer Black woman-- exactly the type of person you would think would be the least likely person on the planet to make assumptions about someone's sexuality-- and even she makes the assumption that Crowley has no desire for pussy.

That's not actually true. There is plenty of suggestion in both the novel and the show that Aziraphale and Crowley both swap up their bits at different times. The suggestion does seem to be that Crowley might do it a bit more frequently and that they both go the cock route more often than not ("occasionally damp, most likely singed" from Demon's Guide lol, among other things) but the whole point is that they both sexually desire one another when the other is sporting a cunt. Nina made the assumption that Crowley wouldn't want, say, penis-in-vagina sex, but he does and has had it. He's gone down on lady parts more than Nina has lol.

Nina perceives the Thin Dark Duke as a gay man because she sees a man with feminine attributes so she thinks that this man then must be one that only desires a man and why does she think that? Because patriarchal notions about gender correlating traditionally to sexuality are so pervasive that women (even women who are attracted to other women) often reinforce them without even realizing it, as Nina is doing.

She assumes that Crowley is only attracted to men because she perceives him as being woman-like and unconsciously assumes that this must mean that he wants a man because a woman must want a man. Plenty of women who have sex with other women unconsciously do this just as much as straight women.

What she's really doing is perceiving him not just as gay but as an exclusively receptive partner because she's equating being a receptive partner with femininity and femininity with submissiveness. Not to mention that being a receptive partner is also not inherently submissive. Crowley does desire men and he does enjoy being a receptive partner but it's not the totality of his sexuality-- just as he's not even actually exclusively a man in the first place.

Mah point is that Nina looked at Crowley and decided what she thought his sexuality was and she was wrong about it. He has a fella, yeah, but he also has a girlfriend, and they're the same person.

This Nina moment also comes at a point when she's standing in for the audience a bit in trying to figure out what Crowley & Aziraphale are so I think that it's subtly asking us to not make the same assumptions that she does.

I don't know that Aziraphale has a preference. He definitely loves getting fucked for sure but I had someone message me once and insist he was a pillow princess (a reductive term that I hate) and it was just like... god, no lol. He loves giving Crowley pleasure and he absolutely gets off on it. The scenes (crepes; go by train vs. take the car, etc.) where they're kind of always figuring out what they want to get up to speaks to how there are a lot of options and not always the same configuration. It seems to me to be close to a 50/50 split.

<<but for me personally, it's gotta be aziraphale calling crowley a good boy and hand feeding him sweets tbh, not the other way around ;)>>

Babe, I'm just excited that you also think that Crowley eats. You've made me feel better about the state of the world with that take today so thank you lol. If you also come back and tell me that you're sure he reads, I might ask you to marry me, just a warning lol. [P.S. if you'd be into good girl just as much as boy, watch this space for when I get around to finishing the thing. 😉]

I saw you agree with the soft dom stuff in Aziraphale Defenders and I just don't know where you guys are seeing that.

For starters. 💕😇😉

[nartblartmallcop]

human swap AUs

some more pics and also ideas for each scenario under the cut

human Mud AU

Mud has spent the past 50 years of his life lying, cheating and weasling his way through a world that would instantly kill him if it found out who he truly was

this includes painting any visible skin, hiding injuries as soon as they appear, slinking through crowds as unnoticably as possible and, yes, disposing of rotlings who find out his secret

he really wishes the prophecy could've chosen anyone but him. he'd love to relax for once and just be. maybe even for eternity. not worrying about death sounds like such fun

he hasn't even had any visions of the end times or guidance from the angels like he always imagined he'd get when he was younger

enter Ken, a Rotling who sees Mud bleeding from a wound and quickly reveals himself to be embarassingly hard to dump in the ocean

and despite his expecations, Ken makes him an offer: to come work at his butcher shop. they could use a clever guy like him as an accountant

this is deeply baffling, but as Ken explains, he gets a free employee and Mud gets a safe space and an easier way to get rid of any witnesses

what Ken is mostly thinking is that if he tries to kill Mud now it could very well cause a chain reaction awakening whatever forces of fate lay dormant around him. going 50 years without setting it off is too good a record to waste on a creature that'll only live for like 30 more

so Mud eventually agrees, coming to live and work at the whale belly butcher shop (no crime association in this universe) and having a single person to confide in. they'll develop a brotherly bond eventually

the whole plot becomes a story about trying not to set off the prophecy. will it work? probably not lmao

ken is playing the long game in killing Mud sooner by offering him cigarettes at any given opportunity. Mud doesn't even mind, but by the time he'll die of lung cancer Ken will be so attached that he'd be sobbing about it. ironic <3

human Ken AU

Ken has never been one for hiding. or even particularly good at it, so most of his 40 years of life have been spent out in the open and fighting to survive

somewhere along the way he accidentally created a yeast golem, but really, this became his greatest gift

ken had been achingly lonely before breadhead' creation, so finally having somebody to confide in and to trust pretty much saved him from going completely insane

and breadhead also has a deep affection for Ken, mostly expressed in his readiness to crush anyone and everyone who dares to threaten the duo, and in the enthusiastic way he offered himself up as Ken's mobile knife holder

i dont have as many ideas for this AU tbh, it would largely just be an action fest. loads of fighting because Ken just can't hide who he is (shrek 2 reference)

human Breadhead AU

i like just calling him Bready in this AU :]

Bready is around 30 and has been doing relatively okay on his own, but that hardly mattered to Melancholy, the spoiled rotten Mafia Princess of the Smiling Dead (who are far more powerful and influential in this AU)

she found the human from the prophecy all on her own and she wants to be right there with him when he brings in the end times, however he plans on doing that

so she decides to keep him, almost in the way that one would keep a stray cat

but of course, nobody else can know about that. it's their little secret. So she fashions him a disguise in the form of a massive Bread Head. he's totally tall and strong enough to just look like an "underbaked" one

and while Mel does regularly give him delicious food and a soft bed, Bready hates it here and would love to leave. But the Smiling Dead have henchmen everywhere on the island. He couldn't go anywhere without being found out immediately. in a way it'd probably be worse than his human identity being found out

this AU would take on a more comedic tone while still keeping in mind how much Bready's autonomy is being ignored. definitely imagining him snapping in the middle of a fancy ball or smth

bonus: all four humans meeting each other

mud would be salty to hear how comparatively cushy a life mel and bready have, while ken would just get protective of everyone

[jojoiread]

Hello there! Could I ask for some HCs of Charlie Morningstar, Vaggie, and Angel Dust meeting Alastor’s sibling, [Reader] [Gender Neutral] [Platonic], for the first time? They’re also a powerful demon like their brother, have deer-like features (antlers and tail), fashioned with glasses, a distorted/static voice, (of course being a cannibal), etc. However, what contrasted with Alastor was they don’t have a creepy demeanor nor ill intentions. They’re actually a decently nice demon who would visit the hotel to check up on their only brother and chat with everyone.

- @sanctum-of-ramshackle

Meeting Alastors Sibling

Charlie Morning star

• Charlie would be overjoyed to see, let alone find out, that Alastor has a sibling.

•”OH MY GOSH WELCOME I DIDN’T KNOW ALASTOR HAD A SIBLING COME LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND”

•Immediately starts showing you around and telling you about how the hotel works and her dreams of redeeming her people.

•Asking you all sorts of questions relating to you and Alastor, “Who’s older? Did you guys get along? Who’s-“

•Gets cut off my Alastor cause he knows damn well that you’ll start blubbering his secrets.

•Absolutely enthralled with your personality, not everybody down here, let alone a powerful overlord who’s just so… nice and not trying to deceive others.

•Ask you if you want to join the hotel and understands when you decline.

•Gets excited for the next time you visit and waves,hugs,smiles,(a whole song atp) once you leave.

(Alastor now making a plan to keep your yapping mouth shut).

Vaggie

•Does not trust you AT ALL when you first arrive.

•A double of Alastor? No fucking thanks, keep it away, she does not need to deal with that, one is enough.

•Starts sizing you up and asking questions, judging to see if your gonna be a problem just like Alastor.

•Once she sees how nice and unalastory you are, she’ll start to calm down a bit and let her guard down.

•Absolutely baffled that someone like you is even related to Alastor.

•”Did Alastor get dropped on his head and that’s why he’s a bitch and you’re not?”(Yes he’s standing right behind her)

•(Alastor makes sure to keep a close eye on you two after that)

•She’s happy that you get along with everyone at the hotel, a good change of pace around here.

Angel Dust

•Literally does not care at first, so what? Another guest? Alastor’s sibling? Whatever

•When you first stride up to him, he makes his usual sex comments, asking to make a pass at that ass (Alastor glares and he stops relucantly).

•”So, hows it feel to squeeze out of the same tight pussy as freaky face himeself?”

• Thinks your just a mini-version of Alastor, same hair, looks, voice, etc, just throwing Alastor into a duplicator.

•Asks if he can get duplicated too.

•After realizing how nice and sweet you are, he starts to lighten up on the act he uses.

•Still making crude comments, now he’s just making sure a certain somebody isn’t in the room.

•Thinks your just like Charlie and gets himself drunk before conversing.

•(You’re both laughing and playing with fat nuggets after).

[whirlerwhirler]

my stage/fright thoughts!!!!!!

The two times (unless there were more!!) that Toby was onstage I knew it wasnt Reece, but by the time he was there for the second time I saw ("curtain call"), I had completley forgotten the first (opening theatre scene). The first time, I just thought i must have been wrong about it not being him after they switched, and then at the "curtain call" bit I thought "he has aged strangely in the past few minutes" lmao

Genuinely thought for a moment that Steve was gonna say his wife had died and I had missed an update before i put two and two together about the switch. Felt horrible 10/10.

I wonder if theres people out there who aren't that into the show or who dont know their faces well enough that they might have believed that they were watching a show without Reece in it when that was "revealed"?

LOVE Reece doing ridiculous physical comedy fuck OFF he's so good at it!!!! Chopping off his own leg????? Creepin round the stage in his pyjamas like a nasty lil gremlin?? He's SO FUCKING GOOD AT IT AND HE SHOULD DO IT MORE

I could never have imagined that Steve's character from AQNI, when allowed to speak, is literally just the icon that is Barry Baggs. Same voice, same manerisms, same loveable moron absolutley fuckin everyones plans up because he wants a snack. Perfection.

I had seen a spoiler 2 days ago - photos of them in their "Tears Of Laughter" costumes and thought they looked too much like angels for the twist not to be that they're both dead, which really pissed me off and I still maintain that that tumblr user who posted them is a n absolute dickhead because they spoiled the final twist and whole ending of the show. There are signs ALL OVER the theatre saying not to post anything online and no one else that I've seen literally in the whole fandom has posted untagged spoilers.

anyway

STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE yeah u get it but let me say it more STEVEN JAMES ELIZABETH PEMBERTON THE MAN THAT U ARE. DONT EVEN START made me cry a lil even tho I knew Reece wasnt actually dead and just in general watching him perform anything is GLEEFUL AND JOYOUS AND HE IS A MASTER OF HIS CRAFT (BAFTA FOR BETTER MAN PLEASE)

I thought it had JUST the right amount of references to the series. Now that I think about it, it makes sense that they would do all of BCDR. They started all the TLOG live shows with a first act full of sketches from the TV show before doing something new, so it makes sense that they do the same here. And it makes sense that they would pick their most successful and beloved episode (one that paralells some of their own careers and relationship to an extent too). I always found the BCDR wasnt a particularly funny episode, all the puns and physical comedy was more charming and sad, and that was mostly due to Reece's performance and the writing of Tommy (Steve u are absolutley BAFTA worthy in most roles but for this particular episode it does kinda baffle me that Reece was overlooked because he is just so good in it). but actually being in the room with them, being performed to an audience as they were "written" to be was a completley different experience that has changed the episode for me i think!

Reece and Steve both canonically dead in the INo9 universe, or maybe even the extended pembersmith cinematic universe? maybe now they can write something where they dont end up playing themselves being haunted by their work and characters? if not who cares cos i love it when they do

the SET DESIGN!!! especially the hospital scene! its so fuckin visually engaging!

loved the use of the camera onstage, was a really fun device and incredibly well done!

i had heard the term "celebrity guest" in a tag about the show and expected maybe that they had like a guest onstage every few days or a new guest every week, but have just realised they have a new guest every day!!!! so cool to see how many people love their work and respect them to come out for a single evening of work with them, even people who werent already guest stars on the show. i didnt know our guest star, but she was funny and really engaging throughout her scene haha

oh to be a fly on the wall in their little office while they were writing this. "and what if youre dead all along? not your character, YOU. and i walk offstage crying and thank the audience for being so supportive of your understudy? and what if we make 90 different celebrity guests attempt a flamenco dance and a geordie accent on stage?"

spotted the hare ofc

LOVED the live violins!

i hope they do film it. i know with the celebrity guest thing no two shows are the same but i hope they have a specific guest in mind to film it with because i'd love to see it again and pick up on all the things i missed, plus there are people around the world who the live show isnt accessible to who deserve to be able to join in with the fandoms discussions and celebrations of it

anyway i'm very tired because ive done 6 hours of travelling today, the theatre seats were wildly uncomfortable and also i live underneath a crack den so i havent had a full nights sleep for 11 months, so thats all i have brain space for today! really enjoyed the show. so glad i got the tickets even tho it was a stupid financial decision lmao

[httpssturns]

Coincidence? Matt and Angel can't escape each other's presence, no matter how hard they try.

notes: cuteness, kinda a filler, contains lore, strawberries are cutesy and I love them. Also I love Angel guys she can marry me.

“Hey!”...“Hello,”...“Hi..again.” Those were the phrases that Angel felt like she was repeating every thirty minutes. Matt, Matt, Matt again. It was almost ironic how many times she'd run into him today.

She knows he isn't following her or anything, at least not on purpose. He could be many things, but she is 100% certain he isn't a creep.

She hasn't really gotten close to him enough to tell what's really up with him, but it is definitely a bit weird walking into the Mystery shack to work and then seeing him stumble out with his “dungeons, dungeons, and more dungeons” pajamas on. he seems a bit nerdy.

Angel definitely wants to attempt to talk to him, but she also finds him a bit strange. He's always writing, always looking for something. He almost looks on edge here, which is weird considering that nothing worthy of being on edge has happened here, or so she thinks.

Matt has been exploring the new gravity falls for about the whole day, furiously writing his findings in his new journal. Someone has to keep the Pines journals alive, right?

One common occurrence, though, is Angel. The worker he so awkwardly met a couple of days ago. The amount of times they've run into each other is baffling, even for the town being small.

Speaking of Angel, Matts gaze lands on the strawberry patch way out in the field, pretty far away from the main town. When did that get here? Who tends to them? Are they regular strawberries or are they special?

Matt writes down all of his questions in his journal because, unlike someone who has logic, Matt would rather dance around the answer than ask the pretty girl who remains yards away from him in the strawberry patch.

After a lot of pondering, overthinking, and mentally hyping himself up, Matt finally makes his way over to the strawberry patch.

As he enters, he's amazed by how healthy the strawberries look. The ripe ones are a shiny red color, and the ones that have yet to mature are a light green color, just a bit lighter than the leaf.

“uh- um.. hi again. Do you mind if I uh- sit here? We kinda just keep running into each other and I think it's for a reason.” Matt stumbles over his words awkwardly, his hands fidgeting with each other as he gazes in Angel's direction.

“of course, you can sit right here.” Angel smiles warmly, patting the spot next to her and watching Matt tentatively sit down, almost tripping in the process which draws a soft laugh from Angel's lips.

“um, these strawberries are really pretty.. this patch wasn't here when I last visited,” Matt exclaims quietly, looking in Angel's direction before pulling his gaze to the grass.

“yeah, they've been here for about two years now, actually,” Angel explains, looking at him with a small smile while fiddling with a strand of her brunette hair.

“Really? Do you know who planted these?” Matt asks, showing interest in the red berries and their backstories.

The girl laughs gently, her cheeks tinting a soft pink. “Oh- um, I actually did. Gotta have something else under my belt than ‘Mystery Shack Employee.’ and I love strawberries, so why not?”

She gets flustered easily. that's cute..Wait, what? Matt shakes his head softly, before chuckling at her previous statement.

“I get that, you can't just do one thing all the time. do you take care of them all by yourself? What do you do with them afterward? There are so many..” He wonders aloud, looking at her with an almost puzzled demeanor.

“I mean, yeah. Sometimes Melody likes to help out. And I always just give the strawberries out to everyone, keep some for myself, that kind of thing. I don't mind sharing.” She murmurs and picks a ripe strawberry, handing it to Matt.

"Try it, they're really good.” Angel smiles with an anticipating look, picking at the green grass below her as she waits for Matt to try the red berry. She secretly hopes for his approval, after all she has spend countless hours tending to these strawberries, these strawberries are her life's work, at least as much work a 16 year old can have.

Matts eyes widen, he's never has a strawberry this sweet before. Matt has never really cared too much for strawberries, they've never had the right flavor for him to crave them. Sure he thinks they aren't bad, but hes not a big fan of sour things.

“Wow.. these are really good.” Matt murmurs with wide eyes, looking at the strawberries like he wants another one. “i had no idea strawberries could taste so...good.”

When he says this, you can physically see how excited Angel gets, her lips stretching into a wide grin and her shoulders relaxing from their slightly heightened state.

“You can get more, I don't mind.” Angel says, trying to sound nonchalant but ultimately failing. She's never been good at hiding her feeling.

Matt picks another strawberry, smiling at the flavor of it and how happy Angel looks. Matt doesn't even know how many he's eaten by the time the sun starts going down, but Angel hasn't told him to stop.

In fact, her smile hasn't wavered since he started eating them. It seems these strawberries are really important to her.

“You know, I've been wondering. When did you get here? I didn't see you at all when I was staying here..” Matt ponders, looking at her with a curious expression.

She chuckles softly, looking back at him. “I uh, I moved here about two years ago.” She says quietly, picking at the grass.

“i used to live across Oregon, like the other side, but we moved here after my grandma got sick..” She continues, her mood slightly souring.

Matt frowns at the change in her tone, and his hand inches closer to hers, like he wishes to comfort her. “if you don't mind me asking, what happened? What was she sick with?”

Angel sighs, and turns her gaze back to him. Her gaze holds a soft vulnerability, something she hasn't showed to Matt before. “She—she got sick. Really sick. She was diagnosed with cancer, stage four.” Angel murmurs, and her voice has a soft shake to it, it's obvious her grandmother was very important to her.

“we moved here to be closer to her, to get in as much time as we could with her before she, you know...passed away.” Angel continues, her eyes returning to the grass she's been mercilessly pulling out.

“She died a few months after we got here. Our family doesn't talk much anymore. We never did in the first place, but my grandma always made us have relationships with one another. She's probably really disappointed now.. wherever she is.” She sighs, her shoulders slumping in grief.

Angel lets out a soft, bitter laugh, and looks at Matt. “Im sorry, I didn't mean to put all of my business on you. You were just curious about my garden and when I got here.”

“Hey, it's alright.. sometimes everyone needs someone to talk to, I don't mind..” Matt gives her a small smile, his voice soft and steady, like a big hug or a warm blanket fresh out of the dryer.

Angel smiles at his words, and they both inch closer, barely noticable. “Anyways, I planted this garden to distract myself from what was going on. It's a lot of stress for a 14 year old to be going through, you know?” She continues, tracing little patterns in the grass.

“My grandma loved strawberries, I think she'd be proud of this garden..” Angel murmurs, and she gets a distant look. Like she's not even really in the moment anymore, but further beyond.

“I think she'd be proud of you, too.” Matt says, draping his hand on top of hers to get her attention, and when she turns to look at him, his cheeks turn a soft pink.

“Thanks, Matt.” She replies, her cheeks mirroring the same pink hue the boy next to her displays. They stay like this for a little while, hands on hands, legs grazing, staring up at the beautiful orange sunset.

After a while, when the stars are starting to twinkle in the sky and the streetlights turn on, Angel speaks softly; “You know, it was nice hanging out with you, even if it did seem like you followed me all day.” She teases quietly, bumping his shoulder.

“i was not following you, and yeah, I guess it was nice hanging out with you also. Just a little bit though.” Matt retorts, a soft boyish grin on his face, like he doesn't have to say anything for her to know he's teasing.

“whatever, I know you enjoyed it, nerd.” Angel laugh, poking his shoulder softly.

“if that's what you have to tell yourself to feel better, then alright.” Matt pokes her back, right on the top of her nose.

Angels nose scrunched, her lips tugging up just slightly. “Its getting late, but I'll see you tomorrow, yeah? Try saying hi instead of stumbling past me in your ‘jammies.” She replies, getting up from the grass and helping him up.

“Okay, those are limited edition by the way. And they aren't ‘jammies either. You just don't understand, don't knock what you haven't tried.” Matt huffs, a hand running through his hair as he looks at her.

“And yeah, I'll say hi tomorow..” He says quietly, looking at her with a small, crooked smile and something that looks unmistakably like a pink hue spreading on his cheeks, reaching the top of his ears.

Matt watches Angel walks away with a goofy grin on his face and his heart going way faster than normal. He doesn't understand what he's feeling, but he thinks he likes it.

And a small part of him, a part he usually doesn't let out, hopes for more.

୨♡୧ @bernardsbendystraws for the dividers ୨♡୧

☆ soph's notes: alr so this is low-key ass. also I love lizzy mcalpine she's great. and uh strawberries are like important lore wise like they are going to be in a lot of these lol

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ @sturnsblogs @oopsiedaisydeer @bernardsbendystraws @sturns-mermaid @mattswrinkleton @backwardshatnick @viviansturns @irlbcmbi @pizzapocketpocketpizza @courta13 @sugarraez @slvt4subchratt @viviansturns @matts-wife @coquettechris @ilsaxdemi

[punk-squirrely-ghost]

Pizza at Playtime, a small remake.

Imagine, if you will. An overweight and anxiety ridden Italian chef able to run at Mach 3 and break through metal, named Peppino Spaghetti, as well as his short, gnomish friend, Gustavo, and their pet rat, Brick come across Playtime Inc instead of the Player. The first thing they come across is the Grabpack, which is given to Gus. The rest of chapter 1 happens. When they get to the end, after the vents, Huggy Wuggy is chasing them, Peppino is screaming but Gus has the bright idea to give Huggy a slice of pizza. ...and it works.

Gus:patting Peppino's back "Ey, don't worry Pep! The poor guy was just hungry, that's all!" some time later, they come across Poppy, open the case and she is instantly baffled by the rat, gnome, a traumatized Peppino, and Huggy Wuggy. But they carry on…

They carry on and Poppy gets kidnapped. They slide down to rescue Poppy, and Mommy was only accounting for one guy, not the quartet.

MLL:"Emm...Poppy says she'll give you the train code when the games are complete, isn't that right P-"

Peppino: "Ohh, Santa Maria, Lady! Just get on with it! "

Gus: "No need to be rude Peppe! This could be fun!"

Peppino:*Sighing* "Oki doki. We'll play your games, Missy! "

MLL:"Oh, how wonderful! I'll see you to the Game Station then!"

And when it comes time, Gus and Peppino respectively gives PJ and the Wuggies hot and delicious pizza from the hammer space since it worked so well last time, and a good bopping, respectively. Though Peppino does rescue the Mini Wuggies because of Gustavo. Then comes Bunzo, who is more of the same. Mommy however, is furious about this, almost demanding they play her way.

And soon, the chase happens, Peppino is carrying the little ones in his arms with Huggy following him, Gus is rolling on Brick, and Legs gets caught in the grinder. She understandably screams, but Brick comes to the rescue by unplugging the thing.

MLL:Y-You saved me? Why? After everything I done!

P:Let's just say I have experience in this rescuing thing. Gus: Yeah! That, and I know that there's good in you, there has to be! This of course, being a reference to both the Toppins, and the characters he rescues in the crumbling tower.

After the train crash, everyone was separated. Gus and Brick with the littler ones, and Peppino with Huggy and Mommy. They do manage to meet back up though at Playcare. Gus and company found a secret, employees only Cable car, Peppino and the BBI duo in his car. (as for the gas masks, I let the toys wait outside with Brick, who squeaks stories of the Tower. Gus and Peppino both find a mask though, dw.)

After all the cord connections, Peppino barrels through the School, promising Delight that him and his work partner have food and others waiting for them, but it's too late, she's too far gone. He delivers a silent prayer for her before leaving the school G:Pep? Something wrong? You're crying Pep: It's...not everyone can be saved, Gustavo. G:Oh...I see, I'm sorry.

When Gus and Peppino find the critters, (Hoppy and Bobby in the Toy Store; Kicken, Bubba in Home Sweet Home; Picky and Crafty in different places of the school) they quickly take them back to PlayCare, where MLL and Brick is keeping watch over everyone. The Critters are alive and well, having been found by the duo, because I wanted them to have a happy end. But when Gus and Peppino find DogDay, they're horrified. Peppino may have seen a lot of bad things, but this… Then DogDay begins to speak.

DD: You... You're Poppy's angels, come to save us. Nothing left to save, not here... You're in CatNap's home, angel. Their home. A million pairs of eyes are on you now. Watching, waiting, hungry. They want nothing more than to crawl beneath your skin and eat away at you bit by little bit- fill what feels empty inside themselves. That... thing... CatNap. The Prototype is his God, and this is what he does to heretics.These little toys follow CatNap to avoid that very fate- and in return, they are fed. We tried to fight it, The Prototype's control. I'm... the last of the Smiling Critters.

It's then that Gus and Peppino share a glance, but don't speak quite yet. Out of the corner of his eye, Peppino notices the minis beginning to crawl to Dogday

DD:Listen to me, you need to get out of this place. You need to live. You and Poppy can fix this, end this madness, the torment, the-

Dogday notices the minis now too, upon seeing this, Peppino clenches his fists and grits his teeth

DD: Oh no... OH NO! Leave me. Please! ANGELS! RUUNN!

Peppino yowls, does his thing and builds up a combo on the minis, growing increasingly angry at the Prototype and wanting to get out of this hellhole more than ever. Gus and Brick, however are helping Dogday to the others, who is surprised to hear that they're still alive, crying tears of joy as he envelops the critters in a hug.

Gus:"Don't worry, you big puppy. I know a gal who's an expert in sewing! She'll fix you right up!"

DogDay:"T-Thank you, angels. You don't know how much this means to me, to the Critters as a whole!!" and he's tearing up, the sweet boy.

When Peppino and Gus find Catnap, Peppino is MAD. He runs down Catnap and nearly kills him from speed alone, but Gustavo talks down Pep from killing him. Gustavo knows, he just knows, that there is some good in Catnap. The Prototype descends from the ceiling. Gus is petting a shivering Catnap who reaches to it, the feline asking their god for assistance. But before it can skewer Catnap, Peppino SCREAMS and pulls down the Prototype, a mishmash of toys, bones, flesh, and metal and begins mauling it.

And with one final punch, it's finished. The past can't be changed, but there can be a future with the victims of Playtime Inc. get to go free, and this, my friends, is one of them that my AuDHD mind conjured up



[alice-after-dark]

I've Actually Thought About This...

Inspired by this reblog from @lovethatmakingcoffee (original artist is @paprikaries), I've actually considered this for a while and I have some thoughts about why Vox needed to have Sir Pentious hide a camera in the hotel.

(Just for clarification, I do understand that the comic is meant to be silly and all in good fun, it just got my wheels turning)

So the first point is the television in the hotel. It definitely looks old, so it's possible it's too outdated for him to connect to, however, I think there's another reason entirely. Every time we have seen Vox interact with a TV screen, he appears on it. TVs don't have cameras. They only display. So while Vox could in theory connect to the TV and watch the hotel that way, he'd only be able to do it while literally making everyone aware that he was watching them.

As for the phone thing...well...we don't actually know if Vox can connect through phones. The fandom, myself included, has assumed he can because phones have cameras and screens and use electricity, but we have never actually seen him interact with a phone using his powers. Even the call from Velvette is from his head, not his phone. And when he talks to Sir Pentious, Pentious is using a V-Watch, not a phone, which I do get is supposed to be a play on smart watches, but I did look it up and smart watches have extremely limited video capabilities, meaning the V-Watch is most likely exclusively designed for video calls. It's also very clear from the angle we see Vox at that he himself is not using a V-Watch. He's probably using one of his usual computer monitors. Honestly, when it comes down to it, I think phones would work the same way as a TV. He'd appear on the screen. The big thing about video cameras is that they are, by design, one-way devices. He can watch without being seen.

As for the logo thing...I've said this in another post, but the logo actually doesn't mean much in hindsight. Like, imagine finding a hidden camera in your room, looking at the brand, and going "ah hah! They are clearly the ones stalking me!" instead of thinking someone, oh I don't know, purchased said camera from the brand? It's one of those writing points that honestly baffles me. Vox is probably the biggest producer of tech in Hell. It's really not a surprise it would be one of his cameras. Angel Dust really jumped to conclusions assuming the Vees were behind the spying. Yes, he was right, because that's how the writing wanted it to go, but he kind of had no reason to draw the conclusion he did so quickly.

[bibiddibobiddi-boo]

Wrong book!

Hello dearies~! This one was partly made in collaboration with @windblumewishes! We call that "2am texts" ehe~

Summary: Satan decides to open a few books....

Pairing: Minor Diavolo x Lucifer

Cw: Savage Satan, cussing, minor angst, fluff

I recommend listening to A Banda by Chico Buarque

Lucifer sometimes prays. He won't admit it but he does it sometimes.

Like right now!

He's praying that whatever is happening is a nightmare. But, of course, it's not.

Satan stands there, looking at him innocently after opening a book of toddlarization. Despite not looking it, Lucifer knows that Satan's mind changed to one of a 3 years old.

Great, more work for Lucifer.

Diavolo comes in followed by Barbatos. He has run as soon as Lucifer had called. Satan looks at him, tilts his head to the side and opens a big smile.

"Thank you for coming," Lucifer stands up to shake Diavolo's hand, "I'm sorry to worry you about-"

"Papa!"

Everyone goes silent and turns to Satan. His eyes hold an excited gleam as he giggles and claps his hands. He runs to Diavolo and hugs him, repeating that word again.

"Papa!"

Diavolo looks at Satan then at Lucifer. He doesn't push Satan away though.

"Did he just-"

"Satan, get off Lord Diavolo now!" Lucifer's face turns red from embarrassment.

"No!" Satan exclaims. "He's my papa! Stinky dada won't steal him from me." He blows a raspberry at Lucifer and smiles back at Diavolo, raising his arms. "Carry me please papa!"

Lucifer is flabbergasted. How can Satan act so innocently like that with Lord Diavolo!? Barbatos has retreated in the shadows and is watching the scene unfold with amusement.

Diavolo, for his part, can't resist Satan's face. He is so adorable! And he finally can experience something kin of a childhood!

"Of course son! Come here!" He smiles and picks up Satan's, who lets out a loud giggle of joy. Lucifer only watches as they both scurry away and he sighs. He feels a headache about to come.

And he is right.

Diavolo had decided to play babysitter for Satan will his mind was still one of a 3 years old. He has played with Satan in his room for the past hour, reading him children’s books, playing with dolls, cars, everything. But then Satan found a book and asked about it to Diavolo. Diavolo told him that it was a dangerous book and that he shouldn't open it. Doing as any 3 years old child, Satan took the 'no' as 'yes, open it'. So he did.

And now Diavolo stands with an actual toddler Satan in his arms. But Lucifer knows. When Satan becomes a toddler, he's not a normal toddler. He's savage. And that shows as soon as Satan opens his mouth.

"Luci, you are a [Insert swear word from the 11th century AD]." He giggles.

Diavolo is speechless. Where did the child learn that???

"Lucifer where did he-!?" He can't even finish his sentence of how baffled he is.

"I don't know! I think he heard Levi during his gaming sessions." Lucifer wants to burry himself. Why, oh why Father, punish him like that!?

Diavolo sighs, turns Satan around in his arms and says in the gentlest voice:

"That's not how you talk to your father, Satan. How can I give you candy if you say things like that?"

Satan eyes him then grins again.

"I know you and Luci [censored]."

At that, Lucifer stands up and takes Satan in his arms.

"That's it, you are grounded. Go and...." He took some time to think about with who he'd leave Satan with.

Mammon would lose him in seconds. Levi would too. Asmo would scare Satan or end up giving in, Beel too and Belphie wouldn't take care of him for the sake of pissing off Lucifer. There was only one last option.

"You'll be grounded with Simeon. Is that clear?"

Satan pouts and crosses his arms. Not the angels. But he doesn't have much choice.

And off to stay with the angels and the sorcerer Satan goes! Peace finally! Diavolo goes back to the castle to attend official matters.

Lucifer lowers his head on the desk and takes a deep breath. He can't wait for Satan to come back to normal.

The peace doesn't last though. Simeon is back, holding Satan in his arms as Luke trails after him and Solomon follows, smirking. Simeon looks slightly displeased.

"Your child is not normal." He says firmly.

Lucifer takes off his glasses and looks at them, his gaze urging Simeon to continue.

"He has been cursing non-stop. I had to lock myself in my room so Luke wouldn't hear anything, but it reached its limits."

Satan giggles and looks at Lucifer.

"Why does shit look like a worm when it comes out of our butt?" He asks and laughs, but also rubs his eyes.

"Thank you for looking after him for a few hours," Lucifer picks up Satan and places his head on his shoulder. Simeon nods and leaves with his roommates. Luke gives Satan and Lucifer one last glance before holding Simeon's hand and leaves.

Satan keeps rubbing his eyes and yawning until he closes his eyes. Lucifer keeps working until he hears the soft snores of the toddler. He smiles and rubs Satan's back, then gives his forehead a kiss. Slowly, his hand conjures a green little cot. Lucifer places the toddler in the cot and goes back to work.

While he works, Lucifer's foot is slowly going back and forth. Since it can't reach the cot, through magic, he is rocking the cot to keep Satan asleep.

Satan sleeps soundlessly for quite some time. He might say it's the best sleep he had in centuries. However.... Everything that is good doesn't last, does it?

Satan's cute dreams are soon replaced by the day he hates the most, a day he would give anything to forget, just like human babies: His birth.

It is always the same nightmare: he is falling, his wings won't work and he can't breath. Something in his throat block the air. Now, a demon doesn't need to breath to live, but this feeling of tightness that he feels in his throat makes him agonize. He can't fight it. Tears well in his eyes.

Satan, as always, tries to fight back. He starts turning and tossing in his bed. Lucifer soon notices and turns his head to identify the source of the sound. But the view breaks his heart: baby Satan fighting an invisible monster, crying.

Lucifer and Satan always had their differences, that's no lie. Satan hates Lucifer, and therefore Lucifer can't approach Satan. He doesn't admit it but it kills him a bit to not be able to form a bond with the creation of his own. He says that their relationship is of an older brother and a younger sibling, because of their difference.

Lucifer stands up in an agitated state, and picks up Satan, immediately rocking him. He slowly hums and shushes Satan as Lucifer walks around the office. It's that one tune that he always hummed to his brothers when they were babies and that he never got to do it with Satan.

Slowly but surely, Satan calms down in Lucifer's arms. He slowly relaxes and goes back to a dreamless sleep. Lucifer smiles and sits back on his chair, laying Satan's head on his shoulder.

And sleep consumes Lucifer too

Later, Asmodeus finds Lucifer still asleep holding a still asleep Satan. He smiles only, deciding to not disturb this once in a lifetime peaceful situation.

By yours truly and her main enabler~

[snowysoul-squrirel]

Pizza at Playcare

Imagine, if you will. An overweight and anxiety ridden Italian chef able to run at Mach 3 and break through metal, named Peppino Spaghetti, as well as his short, gnomish friend, Gustavo, and their pet rat, Brick come across Playtime Inc instead of the Player.

The first thing they come across is the Grabpack, which is given to Gus. The rest of chapter 1 happens.

When they get to the end, after the vents, Huggy Wuggy is chasing them, Peppino is screaming but Gus has the bright idea to give Huggy a slice of pizza. ...and it works.

Gus:**patting Peppino's back** "Ey, don't worry Pep! The poor guy was just hungry, that's all!"

*some time later, they come across Poppy, open the case and she is instantly baffled by the rat, gnome, a traumatized Peppino, and Huggy Wuggy. But they carry on…*

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

*They carry on and Poppy gets kidnapped.

They slide down to rescue Poppy, and Mommy was only accounting for one guy, not the quartet.*

MLL:"Emm...Poppy says she'll give you the train code when the games are complete, isn't that right P-"

Peppino: "Ohh, Santa Maria, Lady! Just get on with it! "

Gus: "No need to be rude Peppe! This could be fun!" Peppino:"*sighing* Oki doki. We'll play your games, Missy! "

MLL:"Oh, how wonderful! I'll see you to the Game Station then!"

*And when it comes time, Gus and Peppino respectively gives PJ and the Wuggies hot and delicious pizza from the hammer space and a good bopping, respectively though Peppino does rescue the Mini Wuggies because of Gustavo. Then comes Bunzo, who is more of the same. Mommy however, is furious about this, almost demanding they play her way.

And soon, the chase happens, Peppino is carrying the little ones in his arms with Huggy following him, Gus is rolling on Brick, and Legs gets caught in the grinder.

She understandably screams, but Brick comes to the rescue by unplugging the thing.*

MLL:Y-You saved me? Why? After everything I done!

P:Let's just say I have experience in this rescuing thing.

This of course, being a reference to both the Toppins, and the characters he rescues in the crumbling tower.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------After the train crash, everyone was seperated. They got back together, don't worry.

Gus and Brick with the littler ones, and Peppino with Huggy and Mommy.

They do manage to meet back up though at Playcare. Gus and company found a secret, employees only Cable car, Peppino and the BBI duo in his car. (as for the gas masks, I let the toys wait outside with Brick, who squeaks stories of the Tower. Gus and Peppino both find a mask though, dw.)

After all the cord connections, Peppino barrels through the School, promising Delight that him and his work partner have food and others waiting for them, so she comes with.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Gus and Peppino find the critters, (Hoppy and Bobby in the Toy Store; Kicken, Bubba in Home Sweet Home; Picky and Crafty in different places of the school) they quickly take them back to PlayCare, where MLL and Brick is keeping watch over everyone.

The Critters are alive and well, having been found by the duo, because I wanted them to have a happy end.

But when Gus and Peppino find DogDay, they're horrified. Peppino may have seen a lot of bad things, but this… Then DogDay begins to speak.

DD: You... You're Poppy's angels, come to save us. Nothing left to save, not here... You're in CatNap's home, angel. Their home.

A million pairs of eyes are on you now. Watching, waiting, hungry.

They want nothing more than to crawl beneath your skin and eat away at you bit by little bit- fill what feels empty inside themselves.

That... thing... CatNap. The Prototype is his God, and this is what he does to heretics.These little toys follow CatNap to avoid that very fate- and in return, they are fed. We tried to fight it, The Prototype's control. I'm... the last of the Smiling Critters.

*It's then that Gus and Peppino share a glance, but don't speak quite yet. Out of the corner of his eye, Peppino notices the minis beginning to crawl to Dogday*

Listen to me, you need to get out of this place. You need to live. You and Poppy can fix this, end this madness, the torment, the-

*Dogday notices the minis now too, Peppino clenches his fists* Oh no... OH NO!Leave me. Please! ANGELS! RUUNN!

*Peppino yowls, does his thing and builds up a combo on the minis, growing increasingly angry at the Prototype and wanting to get out of this hellhole more than ever. Gus and Brick, however are helping Dogday to the others, who is surprised to hear that they're still alive, crying tears of joy as he envelops the critters in a hug*.

Gus:"Don't worry, you big puppy. I know a gal who's an expert in sewing! She'll fix you right up"

DogDay:"T-Thank you, angels. You don't know how much this means to me, to the Critters as a whole!!" and he's tearing up, the sweet boy

*When Peppino and Gus find Catnap, Peppino is MAD. He runs down Catnap and nearly kills him from speed alone, but Gustavo talks down Pep from killing him.

Gustavo knows, he just knows, that there is some good in Catnap. The Prototype descends from the ceiling. Gus is petting a shivering Catnap who reaches to it, the feline asking their god for assistance. But before it can skewer Catnap, Peppino SCREAMS and pulls down the Prototype, a mishmash of toys, bones, flesh, and metal and begins mauling it.

And with one final punch, it's finished. The past can't be changed, but there can be a future with the victims of Playtime Inc. get to go free, and this, my friends, is one of them that my AuDHD mind conjured up*

(i absolutely copied this from an existing post i made lmao)

[arrowlantern]

Fav fruits tierlist?

AHHH TYSM MOOT i am SO glad you ask. here is the basic list and i put all the extra insane dia fruit info under the cut so that people don’t get a headache trying to scroll past it

I am God tier: fruits that are THE fruit. nothing can ever be more of a fruit than these fruits are. pinnacles of excellence, unable to be replicated or improved on. Literally have never had a bad sample of these

— GRAPES (red + green)

there’s something about biting into a crisp fresh big grape that makes you remember why being alive is so great and amazing. the birds are chirping the sun is shining i remember to brush my hair and visit the library

— BLUEBERRIES

the average individual who is not a fruit connoisseur like i am typically does not understand the complexities of the blueberry. “it’s flavourless” “it’s boring” IT IS A STAPLE. TO ALL FRUITKIND. they are delicious as a topping on confectionaries, for breakfasts, and even frozen during hot summers. nothing does it like they do okay

— NECTARINES

a recent contender actually. i will recommend to everyone who sees this post to order a slightly unripened one and eat it asap. the texture is like an apple but somehow softer and the flavour is unlike anything to ever exist

the Rapture tier: i may not be like super religious or whatever (sorry nana) but sometimes a fruit will hit ur tastebuds and get you dancing to invisible music and angels like the rats from the Ratatouille movie

— STRAWBERRIES

should’ve been god tier Honestly but once i was out picking them with my grandmother in like. 2017, bit into one and there was a big ol slug inside it. no hate to the slug btw i totally would also want to live in a fruit as scrumptious as the strawberry however i am lowk traumatized from that experience

— CANTALOUPE

hell i don’t even know where to start. but if fruits were anthropomorphic i would date the fuck out of a cantaloupe. we serve them on fruit platters for catering at work and when they come back we are sometimes allowed to snack on them. i LUNGE for the cantaloupe slices like some secret assassin is five seconds from my location and devour it. makes me feel like a demon tho so it got bumped down also

— LEMONS

idk man i love lemon everything. truly the best artificial flavour to ever exist. if motor oil tasted like lemon i would slurp that shit up. getting my teeth cleaned? lemon pls. drink of choice? lemonade don’t play with me now. hungry? let me eat the zest part first okay

— RASPBERRIES

me and my sister fight each other over the raspberry pints like we’re the two weird ginger guys from gladiator 2. enough said

— WATERMELON

if i ever need to drink water i eat watermelon. idk how fruit can be so yummy but also hydrating. kinda like the fruit version of humans if u think abt it… am i committing fruiticide?

Ascending to heaven and Yummy tiers are both quite similar tbh. the main difference in my mind is that if the wicked witch offered me a basket of poisoned fruit and it was from the Ascending tier, i would eat it and die. technically i’d die eating a kiwi regardless of the poison status (allergies 😓) but i eat mangos all the time anyways so they can’t be that bad

ye ol reliable is literally just what we have in the house regularly. you may ask “dia why the hell do ur parents have apricots and not idk. red apples” and all i have to say in return is idk either man. my dad likes fitness + smth about green apples and pears appeal to him. for some reason. it baffles us all

onto the apocalypse… i try to be kind and not hate any specific fruit bc i am a fruit connoisseur as stated above. but there is only so much even i can tolerate u know? we used to grow figs in the backyard and my dad would make us eat them until i googled a pic and found out wasps die in them and STAY there. cried until i threw up + he took pity on me. and let me just say right now if somepony handed me a coconut i would concuss myself with it and DIE. not a fan

[dawnwynters]

~~WIP Wednesday~~

So, first WIP. Trying this tumblr thing out. Hope you enjoy? (I'm so damn awkward)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WIP (Working) Title: Feelings

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She easily found Juvia and Lisanna, hugging them both and telling them she was heading home because she really didn’t want to stay at the party if Dan was there and constantly trying to get under her skin. “We’ll talk soon, I promise.” She kissed both of their cheeks before she headed towards the door, her dreams of a peaceful escape shattering as Dan blocked her path.

“Lucy! I don’t believe you’ve met my Angel.” He grinned at her, his eyes slowly moving down her body despite the woman in his arm. “She’s a reporter, too. She works for the Magnolia branch of the National Paper. She covers the big stories as they happen. So much better than covering small time, fluff stuff, right?”

Lucy gave the white-haired woman a genuine smile despite the barbs in her heart at Dan’s well aimed dig. “That’s amazing. But, if you excuse me, I was just-“

“Angel also lives in his amazing penthouse!” Dan grinned maliciously at her, not realizing the frown on Angel’s face as she caught on to what he was doing. “She also models on the side. She has the best fucking body I’ve ever seen.”

Lucy kept her face neutral, trying not to take his words to heart even as they stung because she took pride in her looks. “I’m happy for you, Dan. But, really, I was just-“

“There you are,” Natsu slid up beside Lucy, his arm curling around her waist as he pulled her against his body. “Bedroom’s the other way.”

Lucy’s eyes widened just a fraction as she noticed Natsu was now shirtless, his belt was unbuckled, and pants were undone. “Wh-“

“Ya promised I could lick whipped cream off ya in celebration, Luce.” He purred the words, holding up a can of spray whipped cream as his eyes locked on hers, silently telling her to go with it. “I’ve been dreaming about it all night, baby.”

“S-Sorry,” She stumbled out, her hands resting on his bare chest as she decided to go with it despite how mortified she was. “I was heading out to grab something.”

“Mmm, don’t worry, baby. I got everything we need in the room.” He held the can up. “Wanna open that pretty little mouth of yours for me?” He was completely ignoring the stunned looks from everyone around them, giving Lucy his undivided attention and grinning when she opened her mouth almost instantly. “Good girl.” He sprayed some of the whipped cream in her mouth, pulling back just enough to have some drop on her collarbone. “Oops.”

Lucy’s fingers lightly dug into his chest as she watched him duck his head down, his tongue sliding across her collarbone and up her neck until his lips were at her ear.

“Put your legs around my waist. Trust me.” He whispered, lifting her up and smirking when she did as he told her to. “Let’s go. I’m ready for my reward.” He carried her off to one of the bedrooms, not bothering to look at anyone as they left. “Sorry.” He muttered, setting her gently down on the bed before stepping back and fixing his pants. “You looked so hurt and uncomfortable.”

She stared at him, her eyes wide and her face bright red as she watched him pull his shirt back on. “S-So your solution was to do-“ She gestured helplessly. “That?”

He chuckled as he started pulling his socks and boots back on. “Yeah. Because he’s trying to hurt you because he knows you’re still single and he thinks the more he bugs you, the quicker you’ll go back to him. I just made sure he knew you had moved on.” He glanced at her as he tied the laces on his boot. “Everyone was just watching. They all knew what he was doing and no one fucking did anything. It pissed me off. You don’t deserve that.” He rubbed the back of his neck, a little embarrassed. “I just wanted to get ya out of there and save your pride at the same time.”

She stared at him, completely baffled by his sudden mood change. “Th-Thanks.” She whispered, looking away as she tried to calm her racing heart down. “So do we just sit here and wait an appropriate amount of time before leaving?”

“Nah,” He smirked and moved to the window, shoving it up and showing her the fire escape. “Why don't you let me walk ya home?” He held his hand out to her. “I promise after we get on the ground, I’ll keep my hands and mouth to myself.” He winked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[tenok]

The point (one of them) is that both Aziraphale and Crowley actually think they the smartest one in any given situation. And since I relate to Aziraphale much more today I get fixated on his brand of superiority. He starts his journey with rebellion from pretty tame "I don't get why they makes this desisions and it's look horrible on surface evel but I'm sure that they get best ineterests of everyone involved in their hearts and it's probably me the one that didn't get some oblivious detail" to "oh okay I'm sure it's some kind of misundestanding and we can all talk it out as adults because we there work on same goals" to frustrated "they won't ever listen to me and I will get in trouble for arguing and it will be better for everyone if I will make my desisions in secret and go behind their backs because I just can't let THEM make desisions that will destroy everything". It's not straightforward, I'm 30 and still circulate sometimes between "what if it's me the one that wrong aout everything" and "god HOW people can be THAT stupid", but I remember going throught this stages first as good and obedient kid with really stupid parents making stupid desisions and later with school, govermnet, activist spaces etc.

And the problem is, I was the smartest person in the room enough time to develop issues, and Aziraphale lives like his for 6000 years at least. I can only imagine how many times he thought "if only Starmaker listen to me and didn't Fall", "if only God listened to me and didn't make an Apocalypse happen", "if only Heavens listened to me and didn't did this or that that thing", "if only Crowley listen to me and understand in what kind of danger we can get", "if only that human listened to me and haven't dig the body", etc etc. It's awful, to be the one who always gets to say "I told you so", especially when there's such awful consequenses you can't even feel satisfaction, and you will be the one to clen this mess up (and Aziraphae will clean, or better try to prevent). Now, it's of course leads to issues. BIG issues.

1) It's really hard to stop being plotting and maciavellian and communicate things properly when you expect that person will at best argue with you, at worst punish you and double down on their stupid desisons and you will clean this mess up. It also really hard to stop trying to control everything because you already accepted that everything is your responsibility and everyone else would just make things worse. (as someone that relates to Aziraphale I think he did so much progress there, the levels or trust he shows Crowley are amazing for two beings that probably last time heard of psychotherapy when Freud was alive. but such trust is fragile thing, one misstep and you back on your "it will be better if I do everything alone" bullshit. I'm not saying it's good. I'm also not saying that it's bad. it's just how things work)

2) It makes you overstep other people authonomy, because, again, it would be better for everyone if they did what you think best for them. It works funny wih Aziraphale because yes he's all for free choices for humanity!! NOW GO AND DO SMART CHOICES DAMN YOU!!! WHY YOU DON'T PICK THE THING THAT WOULD BE SMART TO PICK I HATE YOU ALL. That's where me and Aziraphale difer a little because at least I somewhat good at stepping into other people shoes and understand why they do what they do. But angel there is autistic (or bad at this specific thing for other reasons), so I think when people he consider reasonable doesn't agree with him for their own reasons he ge's really baffled, like, there arE correct opinion and it's mine, WHY are you being difficult?? to spite me?? And I'm sure that half of the reason why Aziraphale's so comfortable with Crowley is that he perfectly happy to let him buly or manipulate him into doing things Aziraphale picks as right. Usually Crowley know where pick his battles and how to play long game to make Aziraphale agree for really important stuff he wants from him, but otherwise? Sure he will complain how he hates Hamlet but they will watch Hamlet, and Aziraphale will be very pleased with himself. (and than there goes final fifteen and we back at "but WHY won't ypu agree with thing I pick or us IT'S GOOD AND RESONABLE THING" and we should be happy that consent is something that imporant for our angel ok? he would be angry with Crowley for picking wrong but he won't make him do what he doesn't want. they respect each other like that.)

3) It makes you really really tired and tense. You control everything, unfortunately the longer you do it the more things starts really depedend on you, you can't let go, you don't know anyone that can share this burden with you because first they should prove that they won't blow his up and for this you should share at least something with them, but what is they would blow it up? Better be safe than sorry. And look when it's my problems it's credit cards and doctor appointmens and with Aziraphale we talk about people dying. Crowley dying. Now, as I said, he actually shows Crowley so. much. trust. for someone with such issues. Because Crowley was there for 6000 years, and he proved himself capable enough times. But still there's areas where let go and not worry would be impossible for Aziraphale, Crowley's safety being one of such things (you see, you can risk with your life when you deal with your problems because whatever you will clean shit up if needed, but if someone close to you hurt themself?? it's YOUR problem too but it will be SO MUCH HARDER to clean. I think when Aziraphale points to Crowley that hell would be harder on him than he can expect heavens to punish him, it's partially because he believes it's true and partially because he knows how to minimize harm when heavens angry with him but HOW can he do this for Crowley??). Anyway. Lol. The more I think about it the more I sure that Crowley without Aziraphale would be a miserable angry dick, and Aziraphale wihout Crowley would be dead, because it was the one person that kept him one tiny slip away from total burn out.

So yeah there's a lot of posts about how angry heartbroken etc Crowley will be with Aziraphale (I don't agree but that's for other post), less posts about how sad and heartbroken will be Aziraphale, but I hope to see Azyraphale being angry too (it they will be angry with each other at all). Not only for not picking him or leaving or making everything messy and emotional and wasting their first kiss at their fight etc, but also because Aziraphale was trusting him! Trusting that he get another resonable adult in team with him! Someone who he can trust to make resonable desisions and see his ideas as clever and him as capable and being willing to go to the end of the world with him with mild complaints and than!! When he did trust him to understand!! He was like everyone else!! Unresonable and emotional and angry with him and why he asked him at all he should've do it secretly and alone as always and it would've be as usual and it wouldn't hurt but it was Crowley that taught him to trust and to ask him for help!! Breaking his perfectly fine coping mechanisms!! It's all his faut if you think about it huh?? (but of course he's already forgiven. but also Aziraphale would do what he needs to do alone this time, as one and only capable adult in the world.)

Anyway it's not a meta it's just some late night thoughts. And it's in no way whole analizis there's so much more problems inside this angel. It's just something in particular that resonated with me today. Also it's not in any way critisizm of him, mind you, because a) he does really the smartest person in the room most of the time and b) I LOVE how fucked up in the head he is!!! I think he needs to become even more fucked up actually!!! and Crowley should love him for that and I will cheer for him from sidelines!!!

[j0kers-light]

His Lighthouse: Until Next Time (Male!reader x fem!Joker)

Until Next Time - Oneshot

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER UPDATE!

Hey hi loves!🖤✨

Remember when someone asked for a part two of Role Reversal? Hehe… I’m a woman of my wooooord! Enjoy!

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The next shift at work was chaotic to say the least. Everyone was dying to know what happened after Joker and her goons stormed the place. 

Of course, HR had to do their spiel, offering you counseling, support, and blah blah blah. You were a witness to murder on top of being held hostage, not a charity cause. Unfortunately, it was mandatory whether you liked it or not. Management also encouraged you to sign an NDA, which you refused. For all intent purposes, nothing happened. You wanted to forget and move on. That in of itself was an NDA. 

No one else respected your attempts at forgetting.  

Jim Gordon cleared you of any legal liability and you took the suggested week off from work to ‘clear your head.’  

The commissioner claimed that you needed some time to purge The Joker from your head.  

Initially you brushed off his concern, she was just one woman, but after the second night of restless sleep, you had to admit defeat. She was everywhere. You could feel her hands roaming your body— feel her soft weight resting on your chest once more.  

You imagined her lithe form lying underneath your sheets and saw her long hair; mere innocent strands turn into venomous snakes in the dark. The color green held new meaning and that laugh of hers… f__k.  

It bounced off the walls of your apartment and drove you even more insane. You’ve been a bachelor for years. The thought of another being in your apartment was ludicrous and yet feeling her warm body collide with your back, felt right. 

“I'm boooooored Y/n.. pay attention to meee.”   

You willed your body not to turn around but you had no control here. There she was wearing one of your t-shirts—hair all askew, looking like a dream. Then you reminded yourself, this was a dream. 

‘She isn’t real!’ you told yourself.   

This was an illusion, yet her eyes sucked you in despite the alarms blaring in your head to run. Did you really want to escape and why should you? 

Joker was so petite compared to you. It baffled you that she was capable of destruction on such a massive scale. It must’ve been so hard to be a woman surrounded by alpha males in the crime world. You had an urge to protect her, to love...   

Joker smiled sensing that you wanted to give her a kiss and stood on her tippy toes to meet you halfway. 

Only for your lips to meet thin air.  

You shot up out of bed a sweaty, panting mess. It wasn’t real, so why did you want it to be?  

Enough was enough. Screw being off for a week, you needed to go back to work. You couldn’t last another second cooped up indoors with your demented mind playing tricks on you. That dream felt too real.  

You clocked into work that same night, ignoring the multiple stares you received. 

Apparently no one expected you to bounce back on your feet so quickly. It did take you a while to get back into the swing of things and you found yourself missing Jazz drowning on in your ear during the night. That wasn’t a problem. Others soon replaced the silent void you longed for.  

A guy you hardly knew from your team rushed up to you during a line rush.  

“Yo dude! You’re alive!” He scanned a barcode before hefting a package onto the conveyor belt, “It’s been what? Three days? Are you sure you good bro?” 

You tried not to let your annoyance show. This was Gotham. People witnessed crime all the time and went about their daily lives just fine afterwards. Why was everyone treating you like a baby?  

They didn’t need to know that you were slowly losing your grip on reality. You were fine if you didn’t think about her.   

“I’m fine.” You stressed.  

The parcel in your hand landed roughly on the loading pallet but you didn’t care. You wanted the monotony of work to erase Joker from your mind and talking about her in conversation was counterproductive. You squeezed your eyes shut and counted to twenty. 

The random worker must’ve read the room. “Aight, Y/n. Just ah, take it easy ya know?”  

You thought that would be the end of things. Far from it.  

It hadn’t been a full hour since you clocked in and people that you never talked to decided to bother you for a crumb of gossip.  

“What’s she really like? C’mon tell me!” 

“Don’t get me wrong, she’s f___king crazy but uh.. I’d still hit ya know what I’m sayin? Did.. did you tap that?”  

When you didn’t respond and roll your eyes, it didn’t help the situation.  

“Haha! Y/n my man! You did! I didn’t know you had it in ya!” 

You were getting irritated from all these questions. Didn’t they have work to do? The line sure was getting backed up. 

Where was Frost to break up distractive chatter when you needed him? Your shift manager was notorious for yelling at his team to get back to work. He was nowhere to be found which left you with no escape from your vulture-like employees.  

Why couldn’t they understand that you weren’t saying anything on the matter? What happened was over and done with and you weren’t one for gossip anyways.  

Finally your lunch hour had come, and you were heading to lunch when another guy approached you. The frustration was building all night, but this poor guy would receive it all. Not your problem, you were past your breaking point.  

“I’m not answering s__t, so f__k off.” You slammed your metal locker shut in anger.  

The force rattled some things inside however your fellow employee wasn’t scared away. He simply blinked in shock and stood his ground. He was persistent, you’d give him that much.  

The guy held up his hands as a show of peace.  

“I wasn’t gonna.. Look, I was a close friend of Jazz.” You paused in your retreat and that was a cue for him to continue. “I know y’all were partners on the line and I just. I wanted to ask if you were okay?”  

He scratched the back of his head, cringing to himself. Hopefully that sounded sincere. Men weren’t usually in tune with their emotions much less to check up on one another.  

You on the other hand took the attempt in stride. It was the first time someone asked how you were feeling and meant it.  

You honestly don’t know what to say. “Uh, yeah I guess. I mean.. I miss having Jazz as a spotter. No one can carry a 1070 backwards like him.” You joked.  

The guy seemed to get your way of coping and laughed along. “Yeah, it's like he had eyes in the back of his head or somethin’.”  

The two of you walked to the mess hall reminiscing all the crazy feats Jazz did while at work. He was an idiot, but he was reliable at the day’s end. Before you knew it, lunch came and went, and you were still chatting with Thomas.  

He worked on Line A, the one that packaged the goods for your line to move onto loading bays. Even though Thomas was in a completely different sector, you slowly formed a friendship with him. He was quiet, well educated in his job function, and a cool guy to chat with. 

The two of you were about to head back to the floor when he stopped you by hitting your bicep. “Hey Y/n. Some of the guys from line A and I are planning on going to O’Brian’s after work. You down?”  

He scanned his ID on the security panel and opened the door to enter. You let it close properly before gaining your own access.  

The one minute delay gave you time to mull over the invite. O’Brian’s was a popular eatery open for third shift workers but more importantly, it was located in the heart of Joker’s territory.  

Any other time you would’ve jumped at the opportunity, but something didn’t settle well with you to accept. Perhaps the fact you met the owner and knew nothing good would ever come from being in the same vicinity.  

Just thinking about the murderous businesswoman made your head begin to ache.  

“Nah I’ll pass but thanks for offerin, man.” You replied.  

Thomas nodded and the two of you went separate ways to finish up the night shift. Thankfully no redacted pallets passed your line upon your return. You weren’t ready to move any illegal goods anytime soon.  

The rest of your shift flew by uneventfully. With it, the sunrise blinded you as you returned home. You were beat and wanted to grab a quick breakfast before crawling into bed.  

You were lucky that Frost appeared after your lunch hour and made it his priority to yell at anyone who dared to talk to you. It was a busy night, no time to gossip— and for that, you were grateful. Your headache only seemed to worsen the closer the inevitable hot hour arrived.  

Between the hours of one am and four, the likelihood of illegal items being on the line reached as high as eighty percent. It left a bitter taste in your mouth to move something that triggered the events that only happened three days prior.  

You started to regret coming back to work so early. Your shoulder throbbed in agreement.  

But that was over and done with and now you were back home.  

You carried yourself through the front door and made it to the fridge for a drink. You were downing your second glass of orange juice when a voice behind you spoke. “How was work?”  

You inwardly sighed. The hallucinations were back.  

It was best to just go with the flow as you were too tired to question your sanity or argue. You scanned the fridge and found a jar of overnight oats mixed with fruit in the back.  

“Tiring, I think I made a friend tho. He’s aight I guess.”  

A soft hum was the only response you received for a length of time. Then you heard a, “That’s good Y/n. It’s good to have... friends. Lefthand drawer.” 

You were struggling to find your spoon drawer, that’s how exhausted you were. You tossed an appreciation over your shoulder only to freeze up in hindsight.  

Something about her tone was off—it sounded too sentient, and it made you turn around to face your delusions.  

At least you thought it was.  

“Holy s__t!” Much to your horror you locked eyes with The Joker seated at your island counter, watching your every move. She looked so at ease, as if she belonged there that it gave you whiplash.  

“W-What the.. WHY ARE YOU HERE?! HOW DID YOU—?!” 

“Nghh. Too loud.” She groaned and adjusted the bag of frozen peas better on her head. It made you pause and look at her more closely. Her usual pristine suit was disheveled and there was blood on her collar. The sight made your stomach do flip flops.  

You set your breakfast down and asked. “Did you get into a fight?”  

She snorted and didn’t reply. Her gaze shifted out the window. If you weren’t paying close attention, you would have missed the glassy look in her eye. 

Okay, now you were concerned. Joker was a female and entitled to mood swings, but then again, she was tough as nails. Batman hit her vehicle with an RPG just three days ago and she walked away just fine— so to see her so defeated today was jarring.  

You had to play this carefully or it could end ugly.  

For some unknown reason you weren’t terrified that The Joker was in your apartment. Witnessing her so vulnerable tossed all common sense out the window.  

Your exhaustion made you emboldened enough to crack a joke. “Let me guess. You didn’t wear a seatbelt again?” You nodded at her injury.  

A brief smirk appeared on her disfigured face. So she remembered. “Tch, he always aims for my head. Stupid jerk.”  

You were at a loss. “Who?” 

She rolled her eyes, the color of fresh spearmint, and sent you a ‘keep up, will you?’ look. “If you must know.... Bats and I had a fight. It’s whatever. H-he’s always like this. Hurting me n’ all..”  

Joker let out a shaky breath and focused intently on your kitchen counter. In that moment she looked so... small. You couldn’t lower your guard however. She was a monster, a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  

“That doesn’t explain why you’re in my apartment.” You added. That earned you an eye roll.   

“I was close n’ it felt safe. I wanted..” she let out an airy chuckle, “For once, I wanted to feel safe where someone wouldn't hurt me.”  

Her words punched you right in the gut. All this time you feared the woman with the reputation, not once thinking about the woman behind the scars. She was human just like you with feelings and desires.  

Speaking of, your gaze dropped down to her lips.  

Her signature lipstick was smudged around the edges but you could see the bottom lip was split with dried blood in the corner. Her and Bats had quite some fight and it was apparent that she lost. Joker looked like crap.  

You wanted to offer her aid but your sleep deprived mind blurted out the first thing it could think of. “You think my place is safe?”  

The thought made you snort. Your place was amazing, and rent was reasonable, but the locale was not great. You were in the rougher side of Chinatown being the closest residential area to the Dixon shipping docks where you worked. You wouldn’t necessarily call it safe.   

In Joker’s eyes, your place was a Mecca.  

“You promised not to hurt me Y/n, don’t tell me you’re a liar too?” She tried to shake her head but groaning in pain when it became unbearable.  

You rushed over to help reposition the bag of peas on her head. She noticeably flinched at your touch although you didn’t notice. Being this close to Joker after spending so many nights with just her phantom was refreshing. Perhaps later you would think back and cringe— right now you spun Joker’s chair around so she could lean her head on your chest.  

That addicting blend of roses and lighter fluid seeped into your senses. She was like a balm for your weary bones.  

And when her heart shaped face looked up at you, you waited with bated breath to hear what she had to say.  

“I like your eyes. There’s so.. kind.” She whispered in awe.  

“Kind?” You echoed. 

She reached up and caressed your cheekbones. You noticed her nails were painted pitch black today yet your focus shifted to her own eyes. Her sooty lashes fluttered a mile a minute. “Yeah.. safe.”   

“Jo—” You sighed when she slumped forward. Great. You were left holding an unconscious criminal in your arms with no clue on what to do next.  

This was not on your bingo card for today or any day for that matter. You had plenty of Joker exposure from three days ago to last you a lifetime, but it would be rude if you kicked her out in her current state.  

You didn’t know anyone to call (except the police) so you resigned yourself to fate. She came to you in her time of need; you wouldn’t abuse the trust she bestowed upon you.  

Without thinking, you scooped Joker up bridal style and headed to bed.  

You woke up well rested a little bit after one pm. A con of being on third shift; a completely different sleeping schedule than normal.  

You were about to climb out of bed when your body seized up and remembered the events earlier this morning. The Joker was in your apartment! The two of you talked before she.. 

You glanced over to your right, only to be thoroughly disappointed to find the bed empty. She was gone, as if she was never there to begin with. Was she? Your mind wasn’t thinking straight these days.. 

If she was, it shouldn’t have bothered you but it did.  

You carried her to bed, you removed her shoes— red bottoms to match her lethal body count, and tucked her in. You’d wash the sheets later since her heavy makeup ruined them.  

It took you ages to fall asleep, although you weren’t complaining. Having Joker in your bed stroked your male ego. She was a sight you could get used to even if she was a walking red flag. You were thinking with your dick at this point.  

Her long green hair called out to you and you played with the ends of it to help you nod off. This tiny wisp of a girl drove you insane with little effort on her part.  

She did something to your head that night. It made you gravitate towards her; it made you protective when you had absolutely no right to do so.  

She made you realize just how lonely you were and watching her brow furrow in distress, perhaps she was too.  

Pulling Joker into the safety of your arms immediately calmed her down even if the price to pay was her nails digging into your skin. She could sink her claws as deep as she liked, you weren’t letting her go. You were hooked.   

Obviously you did let go, given the fact that she was gone.  

You flopped back on the bed, groaning to yourself until something made contact with your arm. It was smooth to the touch and felt harmless so you rolled over to investigate.  

How could you have missed this? A deck of cards was scattered on your bed with the most important one, the Joker, being on top. You picked it up with shaky hands to read the note inscribed in blood red ink.   

Until next time.   

She even kissed the card wearing her jet black lipstick.  

You read the promise over and over and committed her flowery handwriting to memory. It became your new obsession.  

Good thing Joker didn’t keep you waiting for long.   

An odd arrangement formed between you and Joker. Four days after the dubbed pillow incident, she barged into your living room with a box of assorted doughnuts and watched you play video games all night. You were both terrified and turned on by her play-by-play skills that led to many wins.  

Another night, she crashed through your bedroom window and broke her stilettos heel in the process.  

You made her blueberry pancakes to feel better and you learned Joker had quite the appetite.  

Another random day, you were preparing for work and walked in on her soaking in your bathtub. You tried not to look— really you did, but the temptation was too great. You took in her wet body at a loss for words. The scent of roses swirled in the confined space and made your head swim.  

Sickly sweet, just like her.  

You were tongue tied when she asked if you wanted to “join her.” The vixen even blew red tinted bubbles your way to entice you!  

You foolishly went to work with a hard on.  

However other times Joker wasn’t alone when she dropped by. She would storm into your apartment grumbling to herself with a shadow right behind her.  

“Uh Joker? Who’s this?” You pointed to the creepy male who was giving you the death glare.  

Joker flipped her hair over shoulder while bending down looking for something in your living room, “Does it matter? Whaddya doing tonight, Y/n. I’m booored.”  

She said it nearly identical like in your dream weeks back. You walked closer to her, your gaze never leaving the blond watching your every move.  

“It’s my night off, you know that.” You chided her.  

You used some of your accumulated days off for an extended staycation. You told her about it the last time she came over but apparently things went through one ear and out the other.  

Her eyes lit up in delight when she found what she was looking for. You missed her tossing it to her goon since she threw you a question simultaneously. “Oh! Can I stay ov~errrr then?” 

“You never asked for permission before.” You fired back.  

Your comment earned you a grunt from Joker’s bodyguard and like a flash of lightening, her entire mood shifted. She spun around and held a knife to his throat before you could even blink. Where she kept it wearing that skintight outfit, you didn’t want to know.  

“Is there a uh.. problem, Blondie?”  

You felt like an outsider watching the altercation unfold. You got to see the real Joker, cold, vindictive, and cutthroat interact with anyone who opposed her. Her angelic voice made her threats even more chilling. In the end Joker giggled and let the guy go who breathed a sigh of relief— but not without giving you the stink eye as he walked out.  

Why did it feel awkward all of a sudden? Joker thankfully cleared the air with her next statement.  

“Now that’s all settled..” she sauntered over to you and flashed you a sultry smile. “Ya wanna go out with me?” 

Y/n.exe has stopped working. You were speechless. She wanted to do what?!  

“Out? W-With you?” You managed to say.  

Your response made Joker’s grotesque smile falter, though you hardly noticed. “Yes! We can um.. rob Gotham Merchant Bank and go shopping or or! bomb the GCPD headquarters with glitter! No, I got it! We can assassinate the mayor!”  

Oh boy this woman was insane. She was practically shaking with excitement.  

You smiled softly at Joker while pushing her away. It pained you to see her crestfallen face. How dare you say no to her? 

You had to correct your mistake in order to stay alive.  

“Or.. we could stay in and watch a movie.” You guided her to sit down on the couch with you.  

Joker eyed you in silence as you turned on your tv and opened a streaming service. She didn’t know what to do from here and you could hear the vulnerability in her voice.  

“A m-movie?” 

Seeing that she was struggling, you selected a good war period film and sat back. It should entertain her bloodlust at least. The opening title appeared and you took Joker by surprise when you pulled her down to cuddle with you.  

It may have been super smooth to an outsider but your heart was beating out of your chest.  

You were in a lover’s embrace with Gotham City’s deadliest criminal. You didn’t dare move. Joker’s body was like a poised cobra on top of you. If you didn’t feel her steady breathing, she would’ve been a statue.  

Gunfire from the movie stole her attention and with each body that fell, you could feel her slowly relaxing into your hold.  

Why were you attracted to the crazy ones? 

Joker was thinking the same thing. It was ridiculous how quickly she caved in to your request. You didn’t give her a chance to argue, you simply got comfortable and brought her along for the ride.  

It was different and overwhelming. Instead of fast-paced heists and the thrill of running away, she was subjected to the calm rhythm of your heart and the dumb acting onscreen. A bright scene lit up the room and it was then Joker took the time to take you in.  

You were obviously handsome with a boy next door charm that rotted her teeth. Mama raised you to respect women and not once did you try to make a move on Joker.  

The sad part, she wanted you to. You worked out and it showed with your toned arms and rough hands.  

She’d seen you lift boxes twice her size with ease and it made her grow wet with possibilities.  

What were you like in bed? Were you still a gentleman? A dom? Or a fun combination of both? Ahhh! She needed to know but moments like this were a rarity.  

She couldn’t remember the last time someone held her close and just existed. Your eyes were focused on the movie while your hand was busy rubbing soothing circles on her back. You made her feel normal, just a girl hanging out with her boyfriend.  

Her minty eyes widened. Were you her boyfriend? The idea kinda excited her.  

It was settled. You were her boyfriend whether you liked it or not.  

The movie became irrelevant to Joker, your scent, clean with a hint of pine had her eyes falling half-mast and your subdued strength, in the way you held her tight with just one arm, to your heart beating rhythmically in her ear. Safe.  

You were safe to Joker and that meant the world to her. In your arms no one could hurt her, not even Bats.  

She hoped that she wasn’t too heavy because about twenty minutes into the movie, she was out. You followed her not too long after thinking the same sentiments.  

Joker was crazy but you would protect her at all costs.  

[maopll]

May I request Lucifer, Mammon, Satan, and Diavolo with a confectioner reader?

SWEET TREATS !

| obey me!

⌗:, a/n: first obey me req! I love any ask which has something to do with sweets. thanks for giving diavolo though I love this himbo.

⌗:, warning: fluff only

⌗:, pairings: lucifer, mammon, satan & diavolo w/ gn!confectioner!reader (separately)

,,baking sweets have been running in your family since. your friends, teachers, and neighbours all have complemented that your sweets taste like the celestial realm and...they were not joking,,

LUCIFER was once again overworking himself so to help him get through those stacks of paperwork you prepared some tea and biscuits. you kept those at a place where he could reach.

He was a bit hungry that moment since he had been overworking non-stop so it was like a midnight snack at this point even if the tea had grown cold. Once he tasted those however, he thought 'they taste good' but when he tried to grab for more he was met with empty plate because he basically ravaged the plate without thinking that he had been binge eating. he was going to ask you where you found those biscuits from and he was amazed to hear that you baked those. you truly have some worthy talents thus the reason why you belong in the house of lamentation. he had to admit that those felt like the baked goodies he found in the celestial realm back when he was still an angel. but now that he has you he can always ask you for more. but for rigjt now he is not going to get more cause according to you Beel ate them. you can always make more for your overworked luci :)

MAMMON and you were inside the kitchen while he was talking about the happenings of the week while you were preparing some lunch for everyone because the next day was school. everyone had mostly the same but he had fee sweets because he is your favourite dumb lover

he did see you put some sweets and he had that pikachu meme face. he was BAFFLED hearing that you can bake. WELL that's the very reason why you are his human. Make more for him he loves your cooking he just can't get enough. especially those croissants that you make. Before he really didn't like human world cooking but yours can be an exception. Your cakes, crackers and other baked foods tasted like the ones Michael and Lucifer used to make for him when he was a kid and would always annoy his brother to make more because 'I am hungry!'. You saw how mammon's eyes were a little dazed and heard him chuckle a little. looks like he's remembering those good memories.

DIAVOLO was sitting in his office taking care of the ministrations of devildom at large and the paperwork of RAD. he had been doing it and the heaps of paper just never seem to end and while you did know that he would be working at the very moment thanks to a certain butler. so you gave the cake you made for him and some tea and asked Barbatos to serve it to him because you didn't want to disturb him when he's busy and he would definitely ditch the paperwork to just talk to you

He was still doing his paperwork when Barbatos came with some tea and cake. He thought he had made them so with a simple 'thank you' he had him leaving the room to take care of other works. After a while, when he was finally going to eat those, he felt like he ascended to the heavens. he swore he saw some white pearly gate with trumpets. How did these taste so good? he has had enough of Barbatos's food that he should know their taste by now, so how did these taste so different and so...delicious? on inquiring barbatos, he found out you made it and asked him to serve it to him. Now he was running to his phone just to ask you to come here. he can't thank you enough for giving him foods that give him more energy! he knew it was the right idea to bring you in as the exchange student since you were basically good at everything! Well now since you have shown your talents he will NOT hesitate to shamelessly ask you to bring some more. he loves you <3

SATAN here was making food for asmo because he demanded that one food that was all the rage in devilgram but he didn't get to eat and only Satan was the one who had it. since he knew how it tasted he should be the one to make it right? so here he is baking some raindrop cake

He reluctantly agreed because if he didn't do it he would constantly annoy him and that would just fuel his anger more. so he begrudgingly decided to listen to his whims. He was kinda frustrated because one, he just brought a new book about cats and he has been wanting to read it for so long and two, he can't get this thing in the right shape either and it's just been a hard journey all along. He was thinking of blasting away the kitchen but he held together what little piece he had of his patience and thank god you arrived at the right moment. please help him dude can't figure out anything.

He had been sitting across you while you baked and he gave instructions but he didn't think so you would actually be able to bake that??? he gotta admit he underestimated you and your decorations on top and the taste of it was immaculate. he was craving for more but that was for asmo and he really went ahead and asked without thinking "can I have more" and he was blushing hard because he just spitted out his inner thoughts. he was met with cackles from you but you will always make him some more if he wants all he needs to do is just ask !

[punk-squirrely-ghost]

Pizza at Playcare

Imagine, if you will. An overweight and anxiety ridden Italian chef able to run at Mach 3 and break through metal, named Peppino Spaghetti, as well as his short, gnomish friend, Gustavo, and their pet rat, Brick come across Playtime Inc instead of the Player.

The first thing they come across is the Grabpack, which is given to Gus. The rest of chapter 1 happens.

When they get to the end, after the vents, Huggy Wuggy is chasing them, Peppino is screaming but Gus has the bright idea to give Huggy a slice of pizza. ...and it works.

Gus:**patting Peppino's back** "Ey, don't worry Pep! The poor guy was just hungry, that's all!"

*some time later, they come across Poppy, open the case and she is instantly baffled by the rat, gnome, a traumatized Peppino, and Huggy Wuggy. But they carry on…*

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

*They carry on and Poppy gets kidnapped.

They slide down to rescue Poppy, and Mommy was only accounting for one guy, not the quartet.*

MLL:"Emm...Poppy says she'll give you the train code when the games are complete, isn't that right P-"

Peppino: "Ohh, Santa Maria, Lady! Just get on with it! "

Gus: "No need to be rude Peppe! This could be fun!" Peppino:"*sighing* Oki doki. We'll play your games, Missy! "

MLL:"Oh, how wonderful! I'll see you to the Game Station then!"

*And when it comes time, Gus and Peppino respectively gives PJ and the Wuggies hot and delicious pizza from the hammer space and a good bopping. Though Peppino does rescue the Mini Wuggies because of Gustavo. Then comes Bunzo, who is more of the same. Mommy however, is furious about this, almost demanding they play her way.

And soon, the chase happens, Peppino is carrying the little ones in his arms with Huggy following him, Gus is rolling on Brick, and Legs gets caught in the grinder.

She understandably screams, but Brick comes to the rescue by unplugging the thing.*

MLL:Y-You saved me? Why? After everything I done!

P:Let's just say I have experience in this rescuing thing.

This of course, being a reference to both the Toppins, and the characters he rescues in the crumbling tower.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------After the train crash, everyone was separated. They got back together, don't worry.

Gus and Brick with the littler ones, and Peppino with Huggy and Mommy.

They do manage to meet back up though at Playcare. Gus and company found a secret, employees only Cable car, Peppino and the BBI duo in his car. (as for the gas masks, I let the toys wait outside with Brick, who squeaks stories of the Tower. Gus and Peppino both find a mask though, dw.)

After all the cord connections, Peppino barrels through the School, promising Delight that him and his work partner have food and others waiting for them, so she comes with.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Gus and Peppino find the critters, (Hoppy and Bobby in the Toy Store; Kicken, Bubba in Home Sweet Home; Picky and Crafty in different places of the school) they quickly take them back to PlayCare, where MLL and Brick is keeping watch over everyone.*

*The Critters are alive and well, having been found by the duo, because I wanted them to have a happy end.*

*But when Gus and Peppino find DogDay, they're horrified. Peppino may have seen a lot of bad things, but this… Then DogDay begins to speak.*

DD: You... You're Poppy's angels, come to save us. Nothing left to save, not here... You're in CatNap's home, angel. Their home.

A million pairs of eyes are on you now. Watching, waiting, hungry.

They want nothing more than to crawl beneath your skin and eat away at you bit by little bit- fill what feels empty inside themselves.

That... thing... CatNap. The Prototype is his God, and this is what he does to heretics.These little toys follow CatNap to avoid that very fate- and in return, they are fed. We tried to fight it, The Prototype's control. I'm... the last of the Smiling Critters.

*It's then that Gus and Peppino share a glance, but don't speak quite yet. Out of the corner of his eye, Peppino notices the minis beginning to crawl to Dogday*

Listen to me, you need to get out of this place. You need to live. You and Poppy can fix this, end this madness, the torment, the-

*Dogday notices the minis now too, Peppino clenches his fists and grits his teeth so hard they cartoonishly crack* Oh no... OH NO! Leave me. Please! ANGELS! RUUNN!

*Peppino yowls, does his thing and builds up a combo on the minis, growing increasingly angry at the Prototype and wanting to get out of this hellhole more than ever. Gus and Brick, however are helping Dogday to the others, who is surprised to hear that they're still alive, crying tears of joy as he envelops the critters in a hug*.

Gus:"Don't worry, you big puppy. I know a gal who's an expert in sewing! She'll fix you right up"

DogDay:"T-Thank you, angels. You don't know how much this means to me, to the Critters as a whole!!" *and he's tearing up, the sweet boy*

*When Peppino and Gus find Catnap, Peppino is MAD. He runs down Catnap and nearly kills him from speed alone, but Gustavo talks down Pep from killing him.

*Gustavo knows, he just knows, that there is some good in Catnap. The Prototype descends from the ceiling. Gus is petting a shivering Catnap who reaches to it, the feline asking their god for assistance. But before it can skewer Catnap, Peppino SCREAMS and pulls down the Prototype, a mishmash of toys, bones, flesh, and metal and begins mauling it.*

*And with one final punch, it's finished. The past can't be changed, but there can be a future with the victims of Playtime Inc. get to go free, and this, my friends, is one of them that my AuDHD mind conjured up*

[ssahotchnerr]

hi, lovely? angel? loml? your little blurbs and writings have me giggling and kicking my feet and blushing at my phone 🥹🥰

i was just thinking about something and thought maybe you’d write about it? so, i’ve been thinking about how hotch (a lot of the time, when they’re not briefing about a case) will sit in his own little area of the jet, separate from everyone else - and he’d be so baffled when you’d start to sit across from him. because there he is, sitting underneath a mountain of paperwork, and you’re seemingly content just to bask in his company. and after a while, he’d ask you about it, and you’d say smth about how after a case, it’s calming to just be around him. he exudes safety and security in a way the others don’t for you - mainly because their nerves, their stresses are so easy to read - and if you’re ever to get any sleep, it’d be to the sound of rustling papers, to hotch’s pen jotting down reports, the typing of his keyboard, just being comforted by his presence !! (i don’t know about you, but there’s smth so calming about being lulled to sleep by the sounds of an ambiance like that) and maybe, he’d offer for you to sit next to him, to lean your head on his shoulder and try and get some rest 🥺🥺🥺🥺 because he’s a sweetheart <33

aw aw aw omg 🥹🥰🫶🏻😭 ily???? thank you so so much that means absolutely everything to me <33333

the way it breaks my HEART whenever we see him sitting alone on the jet 😭 like do you think he thinks that no one simply wants to talk to him??🥺 everyone's making conversations amongst themselves and he's just 🙁 working quietly. maybe it's just an excuse to look busy, so no one feels like they need to include him if they don't want to :(((( that everyone views him on a professional level rather than personal?? ughgjhsh 😭💔 like no no no aaron baby just no no no we love you <333 😭

AND you know me normally i elaborate right away, BUT hehe this may or may not already be in the works for my secret santa fic 🤭 stay tuned!!!!!!