#everyday im hustling

[feisty-n-spicy]

Happy Monday Beautiful Peeps!

[friendlynaborhooddisapointment]

the dream would be a 15hour week workday at a low stress job not that far from home but not too close it feels intimate to your home, a small mangable appartment that wont fall apartwith furnishings i like,bills that arnt stress inducing in a way that make me think about money all the time, and just chill and do my hobbies when im not doing all the other things people have to do in their adult to not be that sad life like cook and clean and talk to people

[denalilily]

Remember that time I started writing this crazy fic about the corrupt vampire government? Well, I just updated it for an eleventh chapter, so go read it now :)))

[bbqhooligan]

SUSHI TASTE GOOD

[romanticandupsetting]

UNDER YOUR SKIN ^.^

kise ryota x gn!reader

in which your cute boyfriend does his skin care routine while you watch him lovingly, the same way you did when he first introduced you to his little routine.

tags: fluff, short fic, high school timeline, kise is a bubbly boy while reader has kind of a cool persona, this is so sweet the ants migrated, no beta im doing my skincare as i write

words: 390

you with your lovesick grin, all tucked on a fluffy stool chair watching your boyfriend put stuff on his face while wearing a bunny headband.

it was surprising the first time you discovered how deep into skin care kise ryota was but considering his successful career as a model, you felt a little dumb for not expecting that.

every now and then, he would even go home carrying a cute tote bag full of skin care products he got for free.

"you having a sugar baby side hustle i didn't know about??" you peer at him happily unpacking his little bag.

he huffs. "mean! i was at a modeling gig and they gave me stuff!!" you open your mouth to retort but he's faster. "and before you say 'so they think you're ugly?' just so you know, they want me to be their next model! isn't that so cool, y/n-chin?!"

he looks at you with those sparkles in his eyes.

you give him a lopsided grin. "that's great, baby," you compliment as you kiss him on the cheek. "so tell me about this little haul."

he smiles even wider, happy that you're interested. ryota starts explaining them one by one and some confuse you because you don't know if he uses those products everyday and it feels like it will take him an hour and—did he just say that that face mask take five hours to use?!

"actually..." you know that look. he wants something. "i think it'd be super nice if we could share! not that your skin is bad or anything, y/n-chin but i just think it'd be fun... if you wanna be into this kinda stuff..."

you look at him softly, admiring how bashful he looks as if you haven't been dating for 6 months.

"i'd love to, ryo."

"y/n-chin, come on. let's rinse your face now!"

a year later, with the same smiles on both your faces, you walk up to him.

"coming~"

your feet slowly lead you towards him. he steps aside to give you some room to wash your face, watching your reflection in the mirror.

"if i was a worm, i'd wanna be the type that lives under your skin. then i can feel how smooth your face is all the time."

he shudders. "don't be creepy, y/n-chin."

[xiaosonlybeloved]

Promises- Xiao

featuring:- Xiao, gn!reader tags:- fluff only (...again.) a/n:- ughhh this is only for new year i swear not again. as usual, not proofread and whoo im back to writing for genshin!

wc:- 0.9k || masterlists

Xiao stood silently on the terrace of Wangshu Inn, watching the hustle-bustle of the mortals, lost in thoughts. It would be midnight in an hour or two, and with it would come the beginning of another new year. 

Xiao didn’t get all the excitement these mortals created around New Year. Nevertheless, as usual, he did his job to protect Liyue every night. 

He was staring at the brightly-lit scenery in front of him, countless stars twinkling above and all sorts of lanterns burning bright below, when he felt a familiar presence come up to him. And a rare small smile graces his pretty face, when he sees you stand next to him with a grin. “Enjoying the view? The celebrations this time are even more festive than last time.” You ask. 

“I don’t see the point in these activities. Perhaps these mortals have nothing better to do.” He scoffed, although there was no sting in his words.

Often Xiao wondered how he had been so lucky to find someone as extraordinary as you. You- kind, caring, empathetic, understanding, and yet you could also be ruthless, merciless and fierce when it came to protecting your loved ones. You, who stayed with him all of this long time, never once abandoning him, even when he came home exhausted, covered in blood, late into the night. It couldn’t have been easy, to put up with him all this time, and yet you did. And when you passionately told him that you’d always stay with him, no matter what, he could somehow believe your reassuring words. Sometimes, no, often, Xiao felt like he did not deserve you, not knowing that you felt the same way. After all, he was one of the great adepti, and incredibly reserved and antisocial. How you’d managed to get him out of his shell, not even you knew. But oh well, enough of all that. It is New Year after all.

“Alright, alright, Mr Adeptus.” you laughed jokingly. “Come on, I have somewhere I wanna take you to.” Sensing his hesitance, you add, “Don’t worry, I’ve made sure no one’s there. Its pretty secluded, so it’ll be just the two of us. Its my surprise for you for New Year’s.” And again, he falls a bit more for you like he does everyday, at your care for him, something he’s undeserving of. (In his opinion- you would beg to differ.)

So you two set off, with Xiao following your lead, silently admiring you from behind. The atmosphere between you is quite comfortable as you hold his hands easily, leading him through some forest to a hilltop. Judging by the lights and the activity they could see in the distant Harbor, the clock was close to striking twelve, and you hurry him through the final stretch before they emerge into a familiar clearing. 

“Remember this place, Xiao?” you ask with a grin. He nods in response, looking around the place where he first met you, where his life completely changed for the better. “How could I ever forget it.” He murmurs, looking around at the decorations you’ve set up here. There was a small hut here, and you ‘d put up lights on it and the surrounding trees. In addition, there’s also a comfy picnic blanket and homemade food. Everything here has a little touch of you, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Again, a comfortable silence falls between you two as you rest on the blanket, overlooking the bustling Harbor, occasionally munching on some goodies (aka you stuffing food in his mouth because he refused to eat.) As the fireworks go up throughout the Harbor together, illuminating the sky brighter than the stars, you lean against him as you take his hand and put something in it. He carefully holds it as if it’s a valuable treasure (Which it is- anything given to him by you is), seeing a beautiful pendant that matches his attire. “..Did you get this for me?” He asks softly, touched by your gesture. “No, I made this for you as your New Year gift.” You respond quietly. “Should I put it on for you if you want?” “Yes, please.” After a bit, he says, “Thank you so much.” You merely smiled as you finished clasping the pendant behind his neck, and then backhugged him. 

He speaks up again. “I… also have something I made for you. It’s not as good as what you gave me, but it’s an adepti protection bracelet. It could help you out sometime.” He cautiously puts the mentioned item into your hands, and he thinks the effort he put into making it is completely worth it when he sees the beautiful smile on your face as you immediately put it on, admiring it.

You spend the rest of the night on that hilltop where everything began, watching the celebrations of a new start, a new chance far below, in each other’s loving company, with the promise of a long and happy future ahead.

Reblogs, votes and comments are very much appreciated <3

[taevolu]

Parasocial [Part One: What can go Wrong?] 18+

Brief Summary: she was a streamer that liked to play games for fun and to meet new people. Her fanbase was growing more and more and she loved to interact with her fans as much as possible. However, someone wanted something more than just online interactions. He wanted her, needed her and would do anything just to be with her.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader 

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 2,961

Warnings: yandere tae, taexdom, obsessive/possessive tae, stalker, computer hacking, masturbation, porn, home invasion

Parts: Part One, Part Two

***I do not portray any of the members to act like this in real life as they do in this story, this is all fictional!***

―

“Good evening everyone! I am so stoked to play Sun Haven for you guys!” You say to your viewers on Twitch. You always loved to play games after work and decided to make it your side hustle to get extra money. It was always your dream to become a full-time streamer and based on your growing viewers, it might even happen. Your viewers are all very supportive by showing up and tipping you as much as they can, it was like you had your very own fanbase! There was one viewer in particular that joined everyday, his name was Taehyung. He was always hyping you up, tipping you huge amounts of money, and staying until the end of your stream. You really appreciated him as one of your viewers.

You continued to stream and interact with your viewers, having to scroll through chat to read and reply to every single one. But you stopped at a comment that caught your eye as it was from Taehyung, “You make me so happy, thank you for taking some time off of your day to stream for us!” It warmed your heart when you saw his comment, thanking him in return.

You were about to end the stream but wanted to chat with your viewers before going. A lot of them wanted you to create a discord server, saying that it would be a fun way to keep chatting with you or with others after the stream. You thought that it was a great idea as you wanted to talk and get to know your viewers a bit more too.

After creating your account and announcing the server, you got tons of  friend requests from your viewers and without any thinking, you added them all as a friend.

*ding*

You got a notification from your discord’s private messages.

[Messages]

Taehyung [21:03]: hi y/n! im so glad that you finally set up a discord account!

You [21:10]: hi taehyung! Yeahhh it did take a while to finally decide to

Taehyung [21:10]: well im glad i can talk to you everyday now and not through your lives 🙂

You [21:19]: thank you for supporting me!

Taehyung [21:19]: goodnight ❤

You [21:26]: Goodnight 🙂

You got ready for bed, glad that you had another successful stream.

Taehyung chuckles at himself as he hearts your message, happy that he had a platform to finally talk to you privately and not with other people. He loved you so much and wanted you with him forever. He wanted you for only him and no one else, just the thought of you being with someone else angered Taehyung. He planned to hack your computer to receive your IP address to find out where you lived but he wasn’t able to do so until you went back on stream.

“You’ll be mine soon.”

Before work, you went to your usual cafe place to wake yourself up after a long night of gaming. You see your best friend, Mael, behind the counter.

“What’s up y/n! How are you?” He greets you as you walk over to the counter.

You and Mael have been friends since junior high and used to hang out often, unfortunately, since you both graduated, life has been busy. But the both of you always caught up every morning while he got your usual ready.

“I’m doing well!” You reply.

He chuckles, “You seem a bit more cheerful than usual.” He said as he was about to finish up your drink.

“Just had another successful stream last night. A lot of my viewers asked me to open up a discord server and I’ve just been raided with a whole lot of compliments.” You explain.

Mael hands you your order, a warmed croissant with a chai, “Isn’t it a bit risky to do that though? Like creeps messaging you everyday?”

You shrug, “Maybe, but I will be careful, promise!” You say as you grab your things from him, waving him goodbye as you exit the cafe to go to work.

…

*ding*

‘I'm excited to watch your stream tonight 🙂.’ You look at your phone and see that Taehyung has messaged you. You smiled and reacted to his message, no time to message him back as it was almost time to start your stream.

“Good evening everyone! Today’s game will be…” You continued your stream like normal

As you continue to play your game, Taehyung quickly gets to work. It did take him a while and was glad that you decided to play longer today as you didn’t work the next day. He was able to get ahold of your IP address and found your information. He chuckles to himself, he was close to having you.

Taehyung started to look around your area, trying to find a home to be close to you. He wanted to hang out with you like you were friends, he wanted you to like him, and wanted you to finally notice him.

Taehyung shouts with glee as he found a home that was just minutes away from your area. He began to pack up his things, not caring about anything else that he was going to leave behind.

He was on a mission and you were his goal.

It took Taehyung a week to own his home and to get everything ready for him to confront you in person. He was able to locate and observe you to figure out your daily routine, knowing which stores you always visited and where you worked. You weren’t much of an outside person which made this easier for Taehyung.

‘Everything was going as planned.’ Taehyung thought.

You started your morning routine before work, going over to the cafe for your usual. You greet Mael as you enter the store, him already getting your order ready. You sit down on one of the booths, opening up your phone to reply to your fans that commented on your post last night.

You suddenly hear footsteps walking towards you, assuming that it is Mael with your tea. You turn around to grab your things to leave but you were wrong. 

“Hey y/n! Fancy seeing you here!” Taehyung says, excitement showing throughout his face, you looked at the man in confusion, not knowing who he was and why he knew your name. The man then realized and introduced himself, “I forgot to introduce myself, I’m Taehyung, I watch you on twitch!”

You froze, you weren’t expecting to ever see any of your viewers in person, especially Taehyung. You had to admit, he was a good looking man. His body was slim, his hair looked messy but styled at the same time, and his face looked godly.

You didn’t realize that you were standing in place while still staring at Taehyung until Mael cleared his throat to get your attention.

“Here’s your order y/n.” He says, then passes Taehyung to walk over to you to hand over your things.

“Thank you, Mael.” You murmured, Mael nodded and began to walk away. Taehyung had his eyes locked onto Mael as he walked away, eyebrows furrowed, but changed his expression once he turned back to you.

“Sorry if I disturbed you, I didn’t mean to.” Taehyung says while fiddling with his jacket.

You shake your head, “It’s okay, I just didn’t expect to ever see any of my viewers in public, that’s all.” You nervously laugh, “But I gotta go to work soon.” You wave Taehyung goodbye as you reach the door but he stops you by grabbing your hand.

“I was wondering if you wanted to hangout sometime?” Taehyung asks.

You turn around to face Taehyung, “Yeah sure! Just message me and I’ll be there.” You reply. You see Mael looking over to you, mouthing ‘don’t do it.’ but you just shrug him off. Taehyung was one of your #1 supporters on twitch and have stuck with you since you started streaming. 

What can go wrong?

Taehyung watched your stream that night, chuckling to himself as he finally had you in his hands. The more he looked at you, the more aroused he felt. He ran his hands all over his body, feeling himself and wishing that it was you touching him. He reaches down to his pants to reveal his cock, pumping his cock as he moans your name. He begins to pump faster, groaning as he wished it was your pussy instead.

“Fuck, y/n, I want to feel your warmth so fucking bad.” He moans, gripping his dick harder as he was about to cum. He groans as he shoots his cum all over your face that was displayed on his monitor.

He stands up from his chair, wiping his cum off of his monitor, “Next time, my cum will be on your pretty and soft face, my darling.” But that gave him an idea. Your stream was about to end and as you say your goodbyes, he begins to dress up to head somewhere.

Your home.

He didn’t live too far from you, just 2 minutes away, glad that he was able to find an apartment unit so close to yours. He walked up the stairs to your apartment’s front door and saw all of the lights in your unit were off, noting that you were already asleep. The doors in this apartment complex were easy to get into as they can be unlocked by fingerprint or keycode. Good thing for Taehyung, he got your fingerprint when he grabbed your hand as you were leaving the cafe earlier this morning. He uses the tape that got ahold of the print and unlocked your door in an instant.

Taehyung slowly opens the door, no creaks to be heard, and tiptoes his way into your unit. His layout was the same as yours, making it easy for him to find your room. He sneaks into your room, slowly opening your door to see you without any clothing, masturbating while watching porn. You moan in pleasure as you rub your clit, your wet pussy and the video filling up your room. Taehyung can feel his erected cock suffering in his pants, waiting to be used. He pulls out his cock, pumping it while he watches you rub your clit. Your moans start to build up as you are getting closer to your orgasm, your speed increasing. Taehyung sees that you are getting closer, pumping faster to cum with you. You moan in pleasure as you reach your orgasm, twitching from the sensual sensation. Taehyung notices as he sees your body twitching, feeling the same sensation as he cums into his hands.He pulls his pants back up and begins to watch you get ready to fall asleep, waiting until you fall into a deep sleep.

He stood there, hearing you softly snore, queuing him that it was time. He opens up your door even more, slowly walking in towards your bed. He was glad that you decided to not clothe yourself as it made it easier to touch you. He lightly touches your legs to move them apart. He feels you move under his touch, stopping his action to not wake you. He hears you softly snore again and begins to lean in close to your pussy. He inhales to smell the scent of your pussy, the smell of your cum still lingering. His mouth started to water as he was impatient to taste you. He inches his mouth closer to your opening, his tongue softly touching your pussy while he licks up your juices. He then sticks his tongue into your pussy, motioning his tongue to your clit and down to your entrance, feeling your pussy becoming wet under his touch. He smiles as he hears you moan in your sleep. He continues to lick your clit while he carefully pushes a finger in your entrance, you start to squirm but he didn’t care, he was waiting for this moment. He slowly pumps inside you while he quickened his pace with his tongue, your juices and his saliva piling up on his chin. He feels you tighten around his fingers and quickly pulls away as he doesn't want to wake you from your sleep. He slowly crawls back out of the bed to not wake you up, and stands up to observe your body. He smirks admiring your perfect breasts, staring at your erect nipples. He begins to lean down, kissing both and creeps out of your room slowly while carefully shutting the door behind him. He smiles to himself, satisfied that he finally got a taste of you.

…

You woke up as a cold breeze came into contact with your exposed pussy, realizing that you forgot to clothe yourself back up before getting into bed. You sat up in bed, going over the dream you had last night. You had a dream of someone eating you out but you couldn’t see who it was. You haven’t had someone eat you out in a while, blaming that reason for your dream. You groaned as it made you horny again but you had to get ready for work. You stand up from your bed and get ready.

You finally got to the cafe, walking over to the entrance. When you walk in, you see the same people that go in there daily like you. However, you see someone who you don’t see often and it was Taehyung. You feel different after seeing him sitting with his coffee, the feeling of your pussy gushing underneath your panties. You were wearing a skirt today and the breeze between your legs led a shiver down your spine. You shake your head to compose yourself, scolding yourself for being horny so early in the morning.

You walk up to the counter and thank Mael but he stops you, “Please be careful y/n, I’ve been really worried about you lately.” You roll your eyes at him. Mael has always been protective but you don’t blame him, you were a juvenile teenager and always chose poor choices but you were an adult now and knew better, you didn’t want him to worry about you forever.

“Mael, I am quite sure that I can take care of myself. I do appreciate that you care about me a lot. I will be more cautious with what I do, I am not like the teenager that I was back then.” You hear him sigh.

“I know, I am just worried.” He starts, he then leans in closer to whisper, “Ever since that one day, he has been showing up lately.” He whispers as he looks over to Taehyung. You raised your eyebrows in disbelief.

“Mael, don’t worry about him. He is a kind person. And plus you don’t know him that well to be assuming stuff about him.” You say in a hush tone.

He shakes his head with a sigh, “And you know him?”

“I don’t, but he is harmless, trust me please.” Of course you didn’t know him personally but you didn’t see that in Taehyung, he never showed the intentions to be a ‘creep’ when it came to your lives.

Mael sighs again in defeat, “Okay, fine, but if you come to me for help just know that I told you so.” You smile and nod in response.

You walk over to the door to leave for work, feeling sharp eyes on your back. You turn around to see who it was and it ends up being Taehyung. You gave him a smile and a small wave, he does it back and stands up to walk over to you. While he does, you see Mael’s eyes shift over to you both but you ignore him.

“Hey, y/n! I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tomorrow at the club?” Taehyung asks.

“Yeah, sure! I do want to get my mind off of some things right now so I would love that!” You reply. You see Taehyung’s face lighten up in excitement.

“Great! I’ll meet you at Forum tomorrow, 22:00 okay with you?”

You chuckle. You appreciated that he respected your stream time but you were planning on canceling your stream plans that night, “I’m not streaming tonight so we can go at 21:00!” He nods in response. You say goodbye to Taehyung as you were getting late for work.

Once you got into your car, you get a text from Mael. You sigh after looking at his text message.

[Messages]

Mael [7:47]: Be careful please.

You [7:48]: If you are so worried, why dont you just come with? We are going to the Forum at 21:00 tonight.

Mael [7:48]: Okay, I’ll see you there

You threw your phone into your bag, tired of talking to Mael and started driving over to work.

While you left the cafe, Taehyung sat in his spot, his heart racing as he started to think about the things he wanted to do with you as he had you in his hands. His thoughts suddenly stopped as Mael approached him.

“What intentions do you have with y/n?” Mael asks. Taehyung shifts his gaze over to the man. Taehyung didn’t like Mael as he always talked to you, especially earlier as he heard your conversation with him.

“Nothing. I’m just one of her biggest fans.” Taehyung says nonchalantly.

Mael huffs in annoyance, “Well whatever it is, don’t do anything stupid.” Taehyung nods slowly and begins to make his way out of the cafe.

Mael was going to be a problem between you and Taehyung. And Taehyung had to do something about him. But now wasn’t the right time. He needed to have you first.

― 

PLEASE do not copy, translate or post my writing on any other platform without my consent. ― taevolu🤍

Inspired by trivia-yandere and the parasocial game by chillas art

[ephemerensis]

Kalopsia // Tim Drake x GN! Reader

lolz wrote this to cope bc im losing my mind, not proofread xoxo enjoy this is angst and hurt bc forgiving people is too easy when they were more than you could bear

—

“Let’s break up.”

At the time you felt so grown up to offer it. Looking back, it seemed more like an act of desperation. Those words were a lifeline thrown to sea, a silent plea for him to deny you and prove it was all still salvageable. But lifelines meant little when there was nothing to swim back to, and your ship had long been sinking.

Things moved slower in summer. A cruel juxtaposition to the winter you met in, the winter you felt you embodied and the winter he said he loved. But as the days grew longer, honeying the time you spent together, you could feel it all so much more clearly. You practically bathed in it, suffocated by the ailments of the inevitable. It wasn’t working.

So you casted your lifeline, pleading Tim would grasp it, he would disagree and fight for you. All under the guise that this needed to happen.

Your head rested on his core, the two of you sprawled out on a picnic blanket under the clear skies. His hand was running its course through your hair. The sun was so warm, but not quite as warm as the hope that flickered in your chest when you felt him tense. His hand paused and for a moment you tasted salvation. Then he unfroze, melted in the summer heat. Tantalizingly caught up in the lazy summer air’s slow, he was fine.

And you were bitter when he accepted.

“Okay.”

You could feel the reserved smile that graced his gentle features without looking. But even after all this time, you could never tell really what he meant by it. And that was months ago.

Now you were in the city alone. Your own apartment. A steady job. The same cream cheese everything bagel in the morning with a cup of hazelnut coffee from the cute little bakery on the corner next to the police station everyday, where you knew his brother worked but also knew he would never visit. The one you were bustling into today, the drops of snow that followed you in instantly disintegrating when met with the warm bakery air. The lingering thoughts of him and his coffee comatoses fading as the sharp cinnamon scent hit you.

There he stood. The millisecond it took for you to recognize him stretched on for centuries. You missed him so much that you’d conjured up a visage built from a stranger’s likeness, you’d thought. The familiar unkempt raven head of hair, and the way he was always hunched over to squint at his phone while he waited for his morning cold brew.

But it was him. Your body knew it before your mind did, feet freezing in place as you stared. When he turned around, the roots holding you to the ground grasped you for a moment too long. It was enough for him to see you and your dumb conflicted expression, despite the hustle bustle of morning rush hour. Enough for him to stare back a second longer than he should’ve as you turned around and took off.

You couldn’t place in your head exactly why you were running. The cafe just suddenly felt too small and the look in his eyes as you turned to leave felt too gentle. So against any semblance of logic, you decided to hurry away. You heard him call after you as you ran down the sidewalk. You saw him comb through the crowds almost frantically as you pressed your back against an alley building. You saw him run past the alley. But like an unavoidable magnetism, you saw him stop and turn; eyes finding your own amongst the throng of moving people.

Everything was silent as he approached you. Slow; like a tamer to a wild animal, holding your gaze the whole way. Something about the way he looked at you made you feel so vulnerable. As if his eyes could read your soul.

And then he was in front of you and the noise came rushing back. In fact, it was a little too loud as you stared up at him, you almost didn’t hear him say hello.

It was a timid one. The kind you would offer your mother after the two of you fought and you wanted to test the waters after the smoke cleared.

“Hi,” you said in the same small way. There wasn’t much else to say. This was the boy who knew every unapologetic aspect about you. The one whose wellbeing became your earth shattering priority. The one your heart still whined at the prospect of knowing. The boy you shouldn’t be thinking of again, because he was nothing to you now. You broke up.

He looked at you almost apologetically. Not that he had to. You weren’t mad at him. You had no right to be angry. You, with your subliminal messaging and silent pleas, broke up with him.

Or at least that’s what you told yourself as the memories bubbled up. Never knowing where he was at night. Apology flowers on days that dates were lost to fatigue. That stupid feeling of being taken for granted every time you wanted to get closer to him and he pushed you away as if you were in the wrong.

It was a mutual, clean, break. You must’ve been clingy for him to let you go so easily.

“How are you doing?”

You couldn’t make eye contact. It wasn’t his fault but it didn’t hurt you any less. If he knew you he’d know that. If he knew you. Instead you kept your gaze pinned to the wall behind him as you tried to sort your thoughts and swallow your feelings.

“I’m doing great,” you hated how meek you sounded. As if a person you knew so deeply would make you shrink back in your shell like this. “You?”

“I’m good too. Do you visit that shop often?” If he could sense your apprehension he didn’t show it. Enthused was a better word to describe him.

“No,” you lied. Half because you didn’t want him to know where you frequented. “Just when I’m in the area.” Half because you were tired of bearing yourself to someone that never really saw you.

“That’s cool.” You could hear the smile in his voice. The awkward one that made it seem like this, you, pained him. It was so frustratingly condescending, as if he wasn’t the cause of your misgivings.

“Yeah.” A beat of silence passed and you waited. For what exactly, you couldn’t be sure. An apology, an extension, a follow up question— some tidbit about his life you were dying to know but too hurt to ask. Anything.

But that was it. It was too little and too much all at once. Nothing changed.

Ducking your head down, you slipped past him, reentering the busy sidewalk to just get away as he stayed still there. Foolishly, something in you, the part that still loved him, hoped he would stop you but you knew better.

Except he did. He caught you by your arm just as you were about to slip away into the crowd.

“Wait.”

You had every means to pull away, his grip wasn’t so tight. This was a plea, not a command. He was cruel for it, because as much as you’d get mad and give up and run away, you would crumble if he’d asked. That’s exactly how you felt now. Frustrated to no end but as he uttered that ‘wait,’ you felt the earth crumble at your feet, forging a path that could only lead to staying for him.

It was enough to make you want to cry.

“Please. Don’t do that to me.” Meek and mild and weak; something you could never be to anyone else. The worst part was, you never wanted to present yourself to him that way either— he’d just invoked it in you in a way that made you feel so exposed it was terrifying.

Now he looked confused, as if this was unexpected, “…what?”

“Don’t tell me to wait, because if you do I’ll wait here for centuries. I’ll look for you in every alley that I pass on the way.” You looked at him, locking your tear brimmed eyes with his own cerulean depths you’d fallen into time and time again. “I’ll seek refuge in every stranger I meet, wondering what exactly I’m missing that made us wrong as if I had some fatal flaw that made me so dismissible to you. Every time you open your mouth, I listen like a dog and you would know that if you’d known me. It’s mean, Tim. You’re being mean.”

You were crying now, calcium streaking your cheeks, but you were too used to the embarrassment to care. That’s how it was with him. You were raw. Vulnerable. And he just looked at you as if that’s the way you were.

“I’m sorry.” His hand reached towards you, to rest on your shoulder, but you shrugged it away.

“You’re not! And that’s the thing with you, I can’t even be mad. You’ve done nothing wrong. This is all my fault! I couldn’t ever be good. I couldn’t ever talk to you. I couldn’t ever let go. I overthink every little thing when it comes to you, I can’t even be here without imploding. I broke up with you. So please… don’t be cruel and let me go. Tell me to leave and I’ll listen.”

For a minute he just stared back and you wondered if your words even registered at all. You couldn’t read his expression.

“Why should I?”

It was your turn to be bewildered.

“You’re wrong, for the record, and I’m sorry I let you go; and I miss you.”

“Tim—“

“I know you. Not as well as I’d like, and clearly not enough for you to see it, but I do. You have never been selfish once in your life; not with people you care for. You keep your mouth shut and you act like everything is fine to avoid burdening others.”

He’d taken your hand somewhere during the course of his proclamation, but you didn’t feel inclined to pull away. For the first time you saw it in him; the sundering you felt when you bore your sores to him “I’d known that, and I thought if I just gave you time you’d open up to lean on me.”

“I tried, Tim. I reached out to you every chance I got to the point where I doubted you even wanted to be around me. And I know that’s my fault too for not being more benign, but you can’t have expected that out of me.” You couldn’t count the amount of times you poured your heart out to an empty spigot. He was so above it all, it made you feel bad. Tim never cried like you did, fists pounding on the floor. Nor did he run into half as many conflicts.

“And I was wrong for it.”

Even now it felt like you were losing a war he didn’t know you were fighting. You had your hand laid bare while he was still dealing the deck. “Why’d you agree with me? Why did you let me break up with you?”

“I thought that’s what you wanted and I was stupid. I knew you were hurting, and more than anything I wanted you to be okay. I’m sorry, but please don’t ever think it was easy because it wasn’t. I just didn’t want you to feel any worse.”

“I was hurt! I was so inconsolably hurt, but it hurt so much more to be without you.”

Your voice broke as you choked back a sob. He pulled you in and like a dog you didn’t resist, falling back into the arms you’d run away from. They were so warm.

“Let me try again,” he’d whispered to you.

And against your better judgement you whispered back, “okay.”

[eddieredmayneargentinablog]

New: "Eddie Redmayne in COSMO interview: "I was never a dreamer".

Cosmopolitan Deutschland, October 8th , 2024, November Issue.

📸 Photo by Dana Scruggs/The NewYorkTimes/Redux/laif

[Translated with Google Translate]

Cosmo is very close to the man. Every month we meet a cool guy for an interview. This time: the British actor who has recently started defending himself with his mobile phone.

Eddie Redmayne is sitting in a plain office on the outskirts of Budapest, a little sun is shining through the window. One floor down is the film studio where he has just finished filming. Known for his versatile roles, such as as a trans woman in "The Danish Girl" or as physicist Stephen Hawking in "The Theory of Everything" (which won him an Oscar!), something new is coming up again. The nighttime car ride scene for his series "The Day of the Jackal" (available to stream from November) is in the can at the time of our meeting, and he has to go back to the set soon. In between, the Brit has time for a decaffeinated coffee and a chat. Considering that we are meeting him in the middle of the working day, he is surprisingly relaxed and in a chatty mood. And there is no need to worry about the large plaster on his right hand: it is part of the costume, just like his dark wool sweater and gold wedding ring...

Interview: Patrick Heidmann in the current November issue of Cosmopolitan (11/24).

Eddie Redmayne in the COSMO interview:

In your new series "The Day of the Jackal" you play a contract killer who is hunted all over Europe. We don't know you like that yet...

I wanted to do something different because I felt like I had spent my entire career up to that point in tweed suits and other historical costumes. It was time for me to arrive in the 20th century. Also, the first film version of "The Jackal" from 1973 is my father's absolute favorite film, we used to watch it together.

What are the strangest things you have learned from your new life as an action hero?

Apparently you should always have a cell phone in your hand that you can use as a weapon if necessary, and a few coins in your pocket that you can throw in someone's face to distract them. A neon yellow safety vest is apparently the best camouflage because people hardly notice you despite the bright color. And what's particularly funny is that all action heroes carry tampons with them. Because if you do get shot, you can use them to stop the bleeding...

Hopefully nothing you need in your everyday life.

But I could tail someone now! I also learned how to use shop windows, car mirrors or reflections on cell phone screens to follow and shake off others. I even had to practice it properly. In the middle of the hustle and bustle of Covent Garden in London, my coach sent me a photo of a person I had to find and tail. Until he then sent me a second photo of someone who was on my tail and who I had to get rid of.

Maybe a good skill to get rid of the paparazzi. Your kids often visit you on set. Do they understand how famous their dad is and what his job is?

Partly. But sometimes it is very confusing for them. They visited me once in Budapest when I was dressed as an old man chain-smoking. The children recognized my voice, but didn't understand that I was actually in the costume and under the make-up prosthetics. I should have thought about how disturbing that must be for them. In the end they just watched the make-up artist remove everything and reveal me underneath. That helped to calm them down.

Speaking of changes, you were already keen to experiment with your look as a teenager, right?

For my very first series, when I was 14, I really wanted to dye my hair peroxide blonde because that's what all my friends were doing at the time. But I'm colorblind - and I sprayed so much of the stuff into my hair that it turned orange. I still remember that in this half-hour TV show, my hair changed color every few minutes because every day of filming I tried in vain to save something from my hair.

Would you have imagined back then that you would have such a career today?

Not necessarily because I never had any ambition for that particular goal, I was never a dreamer. I want to do every job I take on as well as I possibly can - I always work incredibly hard to achieve that. It's all the nicer that it's paid off.

...

[lilac-witch]

OMG THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!

🌌 and I prefer a male character and a few things about me??

• I love to read and write and cook

• def. can't stay up past 11 idk why

• im definitely very sarcastic , like that's my entire personality

• im definitely a quieter , wallow in my feelings for a while before approaching you sort of person

• don't like parties ..at all ( it's the social anxiety ) but I LOVE TO DRESS UP

I’d pair you with Azriel. Like you, Azriel is on the quieter side. We all know he prefers the calm in the shadows to the hustle and bustle of everyday life, which leads me to believe that like you, he would avoid parties like the plague (and then be subject to Rhys, Cass and Mor physically dragging him to Rita’s).

I think Azriel would be the type to prefer peaceful date nights like dinners at your favourite restaurant in Velaris, or a picnic under the stars, giving you the opportunity to dress up, but for his eyes only.

I feel like this male comes home exhausted from having to deal with everyone’s crap, and just want to crawl into to comfort of his mates’ arms. So definitely early nights when he isn’t away on a mission.

I think that Azriel would love his mate to be sarcastic. He’s had to deal with Cassian and Rhys for centuries, so it’s only fair the Cauldron blesses him with a mate who can put his brothers in their place.

[lothcat-lothcat-lothwolf-run]

at the gym for 2 hours a day 5 days a week and what am I doing? writing clone wars fanfiction on the notes app

everyday im hustling

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 361.brb x oc

a/n: uwu im back (comments and reblogs are super welcome and encouraged!)

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: none uwu

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/

/316/317/318/319/320/321/322/323/324/325/326/327/328/329/330/331/332/333/334/335/336/337/338/339/340/341/342/343/344/345/346/347/348/349/350/351/352/353/354/355/356/357/358/359

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! )

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @novastories @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix @lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 @lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2

@emilybradshaw @louisahale @leobabbyyy @booklover2sblog @winter-run @ktjmac @graciereads @bigpoppajes @taytaylala12

@caitsymichelle13 @becks-things @caatheeriinee07 @fanboyswhore9 @jesfreedark @katiemcrae @lilmonstrjedi @hobiismyhopeu @teacupsandtopgun @insominac23 @gh0stsgoodgirl @mygyn @chavivaelisheva @kmc1989 @enchantingharmonyalpaca @callsign-magnolia @mrsbradshaw01

-

She didn’t expect them to go towards Phoenix’s house, more specifically towards the beach behind Nat’s house. She blinks as he rolls the Bronco to a stop, smiling back at her, “...oh I see.” she smiles, “This is the special place,huh?”

Rooster nodded with a grin, his eyes sparkling. "Yeah, this is it," he confirmed, his tone filled with anticipation. "I thought we could use some time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, just you and me."

Beatrice's heart swelled with warmth at Rooster's thoughtful gesture. She glanced out the window, taking in the breathtaking view of the beach stretching out before them, the sound of waves crashing against the shore filling the air with a sense of tranquility.

"It's beautiful," she murmured, her voice filled with awe.

Rooster reached out, taking Beatrice's hand in his as he leaned in to press a tender kiss to her lips. "Not as beautiful as you," he whispered, his voice soft with affection.

Beatrice's cheeks flushed with heat at Rooster's sweet words. She leaned into his touch, returning his kiss with equal fervor. "You always know how to make me feel special," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

Rooster smiled, his eyes shining with adoration as he gazed into Beatrice's eyes. "You are special, Bea," he said earnestly, his tone filled with sincerity. "To me, you're everything."

With a shared smile, Beatrice and Rooster stepped out of the Bronco, the warm sand squishing beneath their feet as they made their way towards the beach. They walked hand in hand, the salty breeze tousling their hair as they strolled along the shoreline, the sun sinking lower on the horizon.

They walked in comfortable silence for a while, content to let the sound of the waves and the gentle rustle of the palm trees fill the air between them. It was a rare moment of tranquility, a chance for them to reconnect and reaffirm their love for each other.

Eventually, they came to a secluded spot on the beach, a cluster of rocks jutting out into the sea. Rooster led Beatrice to a spot where they could sit and watch the sunset, the sky painted in hues of pink and orange as the sun dipped below the horizon.

They settled onto the rocks, their shoulders brushing against each other as they gazed out at the breathtaking view before them. Beatrice leaned her head against Rooster's shoulder, reveling in the warmth of his embrace as they watched the colors of the sky shift and change.

"It's moments like these that remind me how lucky I am to have you in my life," Beatrice murmured, her voice soft with emotion.

Rooster wrapped an arm around Beatrice's shoulders, pulling her closer as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I feel the same way, Bea," he whispered, his voice filled with tenderness. "You mean everything to me."

She chuckles softly, “Oh stop it.”

He reached up, gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear as he met her gaze with a warm smile. "I'm serious, Bea," he insisted, his eyes shining with sincerity. "You're my rock, my anchor in this crazy world."

“And it’s been crazy.”

‘Very.”

She leaned into his touch, her fingers tangling with his as she returned his smile. “It’s been a while since we’ve been here."

Rooster nodded, a nostalgic smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Yeah, it has," he agreed, his gaze drifting out towards the horizon. "But it feels like just yesterday when we first knew I was just a goner when it came to you."

Beatrice's heart fluttered at the memory, “Go on."

“Well,” he chuckles, “You were wearing that dress…you are the cutest drunk ever and I was just…If I didn’t ask you on a date soon I’d go insane. Everyone wanted me to do it too- god Nat almost grilled me every single day.”

“And they all had bets on us.”

He snorts, “They all had bets on us.” he licks his lips, “It just feels nice knowing my gut feeling was right.”

Beatrice's cheeks flushed with heat at the memory of that night, a fond smile playing on her lips. "I remember that," she replied, her voice tinged with amusement. "I…was so nervous, and I was… well, a little tipsy."

Rooster chuckled, his eyes sparkling with mirth. "Yeah, you were," he agreed, his tone laced with affection. "But even then, you were the most beautiful woman in the room."

She leaned in closer to him as her cheeks warmed up, resting her head against his shoulder as they watched the sunset together. "And you were the most charming man," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. “Still are.”

Rooster smiled, pressing a tender kiss to the top of Beatrice's head. "I'm glad I worked up the courage to ask you out," he admitted, his voice soft with emotion. "It was the best decision I ever made."

Beatrice smiled up at Rooster, her eyes shining with love. "It was the best decision I ever said yes to," she replied, her voice filled with sincerity. “...;I’m sorry for being so nervous when you asked,I don’t think I ever apologized.”

He gives her a weird look, “You don’t have to apologize.” he says, “At all…gorgeous it’s completely understandable.”

Beatrice shook her head, a small frown forming on her lips. "I know…but I still feel bad about it," she admitted, her voice tinged with regret. "I was just so caught up in my own insecurities and doubts that I almost let the best thing in my life slip away."

Rooster reached out, gently cupping Beatrice's cheek and turning her face towards him. "Hey, hey,none of that matters now," he said firmly, his eyes locking with hers. "We're here, together, and that's all that matters. And I put a ring on your finger and we got three kiddos already. I say that’s a success."

Beatrice's eyes softened at Rooster's words, “And you are about to be promoted.” his eyes flickered for a second and she smiles gently, “Still nervous about it?”

"A little bit," he admitted, "But I'm trying not to let it get to me. I know I've worked hard for this promotion, and I'm ready to take on whatever challenges come my way."

Beatrice reached out, threading her fingers through Rooster's as she squeezed his hand gently. "You've got this, Roos," she said confidently, her voice filled with unwavering support. "You're the most capable person I know, and I have no doubt that you'll excel in your new role…what bothers you about it still? Did you write your speech?"

Rooster's gaze softened at Beatrice's words, gratitude shining in his eyes. He squeezed her hand back, feeling a sense of reassurance wash over him at her unwavering support. "Thanks, Bea," he murmured, his voice filled with warmth. "And yeah, I wrote the speech...several times. And I threw them all away."

Beatrice chuckled softly, her smile widening at Rooster's admission. "You always do that," she teased gently, her tone affectionate. "But I'm sure whatever you come up with will be perfect."

He grinned, his shoulders relaxing as he leaned in closer to Beatrice. "I hope so," he replied, "I just want to make sure I do justice to the occasion, you know?"

"I know," Beatrice said softly, her gaze unwavering as she met Rooster's eyes. "But remember, you don't have to be perfect. Just be yourself, and that'll be more than enough."

Rooster's smile softened at Beatrice's words, and he leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to Beatrice's lips, savoring the warmth of her touch. "Thanks, gorgeous," he murmured against her lips. "I needed to hear that."

Beatrice smiled against Rooster's lips, “Tell me what your wrote.”

“Huh?”

“I’m your audience.” she smiles, “Try it with me.”

“You sure?”

“Yes!”

Rooster's grin widened at Beatrice's suggestion "Alright, here goes nothing," he said, taking a deep breath to steady himself. "I…” he pauses, “...I…am happy to be promoted to Lieutenant Commander…”

“Go on Roos, you can do it.”

Rooster took another deep breath, his gaze focused as he continued to recite his speech. "I am honored and humbled by the opportunity to serve in this new role," he said, "And I want to thank each and every one of you for your support and guidance along the way. Without your encouragement, I wouldn't be standing here today."

Beatrice listened intently as Rooster spoke, her heart swelling with pride at his words.She just leaned on her hand as she watches him.

"As I look back on my journey," Rooster continued, his voice tinged with nostalgia, "I am reminded of the…challenges and obstacles that I've faced. But with every setback, I've emerged stronger and more determined than ever to succeed."

Beatrice smiled, feeling a surge of admiration for Rooster's resilience. She knew firsthand the trials and tribulations he had endured to reach this point, and she couldn't help but feel a sense of pride.

"And so, as I embark on this new chapter in my career," Rooster said, his tone filled with determination, "I promise to uphold the values of integrity, honor, and service that have guided me thus far. I will lead by example, always putting the needs of others above my own, and striving to make a positive impact on the world around me."

"Finally," Rooster said, his voice filled with gratitude, "I want to thank my family for their love and support. My wife,Beatrice, you are my rock, my inspiration, and my greatest source of strength. I wouldn't be where I am today without you by my side, and I am eternally grateful for your support."

Tears welled up in Beatrice's eyes as she listened to Rooster's heartfelt words, her heart overflowing with love for her husband. She reached out, squeezing his hand tightly as she whispered, "Oh wow."

“Good?”

“It’s great.” she sniffles, “You made me cry.”

“...I think I’ll change a few things though.”

Beatrice chuckled through her tears, "You always find a way to make me cry," she admitted, her voice filled with affection.

Rooster grinned sheepishly, his cheeks flushing "Sorry about that," he said, his tone apologetic. "I didn’t mean to."

Touched by Rooster's words, Beatrice leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to his lips. "I love you, Roos," she murmured against his lips, her voice filled with warmth.

"I love you too, gorgeous," Rooster replied, his gaze softening as he met Beatrice's eyes. "Now, let's go back home. I'm starving." he stands up and holds out his hand to her, “Shall we?”

The evening air was cool against their skin as they stepped outside, the soft glow of streetlights casting long shadows across the sidewalk. Beatrice breathed in deeply, savoring the crisp night air as she leaned into Rooster's side.

"You will do amazing, Roos," she said softly, her voice filled with admiration. "I'm so proud of you."

Rooster smiled down at her, his eyes shining with happiness. "Thanks, gorgeous," he replied, his voice warm. "I’ll try, you know."

“You’ll do great.” she whispers, “...come on, let’s go home. We gotta prepare for Saturday and the kids need us at home, i'm sure my parents are…a bit tired by now.”

As they approached the car, Rooster pressed the key fob to unlock the doors, and they both climbed inside. The interior of the car was warm and inviting, a welcome respite from the cool evening air.

Rooster started the engine, and they began the journey back home, the soft hum of the car's engine filling the silence between them. Beatrice leaned back in her seat, her mind drifting to thoughts of the weekend ahead.

"I can't believe Shell's getting married," Beatrice mused aloud, breaking the silence, suddenly remembering the information. "It feels like just yesterday we were all in college, dreaming about the future."

Rooster nodded in agreement, his gaze focused on the road ahead. "Yeah, time really flies," he replied, "But I'm happy for her. She's found someone who makes her happy, and that's all that matters."

Beatrice smiled, her heart swelling with affection for her friend. "Yeah, she deserves all the happiness in the world," she agreed, her voice filled with warmth. "And it’ll be fun too.” she hums, sinking in the Bronco’s soft seats, “...god I really love this car.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…every time I see it I just remember you so,” she smiles, “...im kinda sleepy.”

“I noticed gorgeous.”

“M not makin’ sense…”

“It’s okay beautiful.” he smiles, “You can nap as we go home…sounds good?” and much like the first time he noticed he fell in love with her…she was out like a light, head tilted to the door and brown hair falling over her shoulders “...damn pretty girl.” he smiles, ‘You just got me so good.”

[kelseytheballerina]

pretty, what would you do if everything was just unbereable and shit? like i'm totally stuck in my life rn, can't do a single thing bc when i try it doesnt go well or i dont have anything basic to even start. im feeling extremely lost and unhappy with everything and i cant simply change bc im broke. it feels too much rn

I would start with things in my control that genuinely contribute to a better state of mind. I would make sure that I make my bed everyday, shower every day, brush my hair everyday, go for a walk to get some vitamin D and fresh air while I listen to music, and I would drink enough water every day. Even if things are terrible, you are making some effort to keep your surroundings from being atrocious, maintaining a semblance of health and hygiene, moving your body instead of rotting away as a sedentary person, and taking a moment to enjoy music you love. I say this bc I have literally done that before years back when I was experiencing growing pains and feeling lost on what I wanted out of life while also balancing expectations from my family. My first thought was to rot away and focus on all the things out of my control. It didn’t help. Doing the aforementioned things helped. It starts you off with a simple daily routine which is needed for getting out of a rut, it costs $0, and it’s all in your control.

Right now you don’t need to worry about a 20 step skincare routine or be bombarded with a masterlist of 150 pdfs on side hustles. You need to start with simple achievable basics to calm you down and bring you back to a level of living without frustration of being overwhelmed.

[solosol]

sitting in my room thinking about the life i want to have. (its hard believing its possible in my current mental state)A question that has followed me and i know follows a lot of people ; ‘what are we meant to be doing?’ ‘ is this it?’ i can answer the second question confidently, no this is not it and the first,well, i am still ruminating on the answer. 

i dont want to grind or hustle. i dont need to. i just want to wake up and be happy, be at peace and live in love. living in a city where everyday i feel less and less valuable because of how much i can produce, has pushed me even further in to the depths of mental illness. i want to live slowly, somewhat intentionally. live to give love and show care to the earth.

in my ideal world, im living in a place where there is no pressure to do anything other than exist. exist in as much harmony as one possibly can. 

aside from my suicidality, i have no desire to live for years upon years in a world where i would be worked to death. somehow i have to make my dream reality next year. why should i do anything else. 

taking photographs is one of my dreams, being famous or well known or being in this fake ‘industry’ should not and does not take away my love for the expression of photography. yes i am not a the fully formed photographer i want to be, but i know i would like more time and more experiences, to see more of this beautiful world.

i really enjoy my isolation. i really enjoy being alone. i can think in a way that isnt overthinking. 

i enjoy only really using tumblr. i care not to be seen or heard anymore, although its incredibly fulfilling when i am. but i can just be here. 

this life whether gift or curse, is happening, its happening now. i only have a few things more to do to complete what feels like the contract my parents made me sign against my will. 

to future Sol Rei, if you read this, i hope youve gone, and i know youre scared, but, youve got to do this, for yourself, to try it. if you stay youll regret it and you know it. you can already see it in your mind like its a future memory. keep dreaming, and bring the dream into reality because you can. you can! 

[chogiwow]

hi ivy hehe i hope you feel a bit more at ease as the day progresses, and if not then i hope tmrw is easier.

(also if ur up for it, tell me about substack 🤔🤔 what is it, what drove you to use it etcetc. havent heard of it before but it looks like an interesting place for me to 'yap away' as the kids would say) (also wanted to but have not had the time to read ur post sigh)

hey kat hiiiii :3 hope you've been doing well ;-;

eh yesterday was just an under the weather day for me, i got thru it n e way lol :'D ty for the flower tho, im putting it in a vase (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

aahh substack is kind of like blogging as well but not as unhinged as tumblr? lol but yeah you're right, it's a nice place to yap like running your own e-magazine about whatever topic you want haha.

i mostly made my substack to rant/vent/ talk in general about topics i wanted to. one of the major reasons behind this was since i started facing a lull in writing fics, i kinda went through this whole phase of trying to hold back in seeking comfort through fiction? basically, i didn't want to give up writing, but i wanted to focus on more non-fictinal, everyday topics i keep making 3 AM notes about but never get to share with people.

it serves a bit like an online journal for me, and being behind a screen helps me not worry bout how people perceive me bc it's an opinion blog to start off.

so yeah basically, a good place to yap away as the kids would indeed say and a nice way to keep myself motivated to continue writing (no matter how controversial it gets)

on a side note, i've been looking into the publishing industry as a side hustle so this also serves as a good incentive to sort of build a portfolio lol but for now it's just a hobby, i'm not even sure this will pay off in the end in terms of a professional/career prospect haha :'D

ahhh i hope you've been doing well tho ;-; i always feel kinda guilty for not continuing with my fics, especially the chan one :(

tell me about what you've been up to? any new interests, hobbies? anything you wanna yap about (wink, wink)?

[tillinghastcorporatemedia]

Hello, Fellow white person here, and i'm gonna help y'all by pointing some big actions and small actions you can take too, sometimes you gotta figure out things for yourself and every interaction is different, but here's what helps me.

first some demographics and imagery

this is an older chart but a good one. Kinda breaks down how white supremacy has systemically been placed into out lifes without us realizing.

Now im not gonna give an 8 page essay and following ted talk, but we'll go over some things i see a lot/the most

Either/or thinking

Right to Comfort (this is a huge one)

Individualism

Defensiveness

Now before we go farther this is something i have learned and am still actively learning so at some point this post may not age the best but actual actionable stuff can help a lot of people so ill post it anyways.

Either/or Thinking: this is both kinda hard and a bit easy to do with, but you gotta block the cop in your head, and to steal a meme from the kids, gotta recognize more than one thing can be the truth/true

but this also falls into trappings such as what's right/wrong and can also tie into justice and different movements but most of us white people gotta recognize that life is so much more than black/white thinking, and life isnt even just giant grey area. this also applies to other sections of the chart but all of this is interconnected so its all gonna kinda brush up to each other.

Things you can do to kinda break this issue and pattern: work on being less reactive and knee jerk responses. Listen to more voices speak on their experiences without trying to interject or comment. Honestly a lot of us dont listen to others very well and this is a big one. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN. no need to comment or argue or anything. Its amazing what you learn if you just listen to someone without trying to make it feel like a vent or a problem. Then take some time, mull it over in your brain, and maybe come back if you maybe need some clarification. other people dont owe you labor. together we can work on issues but if we're not listening to the voices of those who have actually experienced it then we dont have the full breadth of context needed.

Right to comfort

this honestly is the biggest one for white people. i see this all the time in my everyday life living in a lower income section of my city. We all know the feeling. you know what im talking about. we've all been that person in line. we've all had times where it's obvious everyone is looking at you because you're out of place. you're gonna have to get used to that, brush the dirt off of your shoulder, and keep going. I can see it our white faces, and everyone else sees it too. Ive seen the mood change the instant someone who is a person or color brings up race or racism. You have to stop somewhere in the city. You lock the car doors the moment you realize you're on mlk/mlk jr blvd/st/rd in whatever city you're in. you ignore someone trying to get your attention or just hustle to the car and back. there's so many situations i dont think i could list every single one but all of the white people reading this probably know exactly what im talking about.

Guess what.

that's what we did and are still doing. our right to comfortable in any space has basically made most spaces that our presence is in unsafe for anyone who doesnt look or act white. it could be the karen calling security on the kids just playing around in the park or neighborhood, the dad who sits outside and yells at people driving, etc.

it will happen to you

you will be made uncomfortable in areas or times in your life

that feeling of wanting to run away and hide in the little haven you have sitting at home somewhere isnt gonna go away

until you can actually sit and stew and deal with it in a proper way you wont be able to really get deep into anti racism work

dont try to use white guilt or any type of way you feel when you learn this information. sit with it and learn is really the only option to defeat this. our presence as white people can be dangerous to other people and you gotta realize that and work to undo that for everyone around you. normally i would be softer but this is a real big one and you cant really pussyfoot around this topic so you gotta put on the big boss pants and fucking deal with it.

individualism

this is also another one that is huge. our individualism will be what kills us. this includes the nuclear family model of america and most of patriarchal values are trying to uphold. this is also why most of you cis men feel fucking alone all the time. there is no way for any change to occur without some other external force or viewpoint to challenge or any other form of conflict. you are a single person. most non european societies were much closer and didnt have all this social bullshit men and women can only do this type of bullshit. this also applies to self sufficiency, tradfem beliefs, farmer communes, etc. you as a person cannot be legitimately part of a community or society without destroying some form of individualism in your life. this can also play into your "right for comfort" <- (like i said this shit is in almost every tenant of white supremacy) when you want to just shut out the world and not interact with anyone/anything. Isolation is also part of individualism. ill repeat it again. you cannot be part of an actually function community where everyone needs can be met and still be individualistic. Me has to become We in at least some portion or area of your life to help everyone and it will take everyone else to help you help someone. any sort of system falls apart when there is no support to the critical areas.

defensiveness

this one is apparent any time white people get critiqued. "its not about race" its probably about race and you just dont want to feel like your racist. This one is spotted a lot on social media, the moment a white person is pushed back on they will react very fast to control narrative and be reactive and push back on any and every portion they can to not be considered racist. hell it happens in most if not all white peoples arguments the moment that you hit the button to do it. Guess what white people, including me, we're gonna be racist/bigoted/etc to someone even if we did not mean it. the moment you push back on the narrative to not seem racist, you're hitting the trifecta of defense/control/right to comfort. plus you make yourself an individual away from the white community by doing/saying things like "im not racist" "i didnt mean it like that" "dont twist it into a race thing" etc. guess what. for us. we dont get to decide what is or isnt racist to someone. they do. You gotta defeat the knee jerk reaction to defend or deflect. As you can see these all kinda interact with each other like a fucked up ouroborous. with help from others and each other we can break these standards even for ourselfs and then with others to help make society more anti racist. but its gonna take a lot of work you're not gonna want to do or say. and thats gonna be something to deal with on your own fucking time and not expecting poc to do all the labor and learning. listen to different voices, read different voices, experience different cultures, whiteness is a man made concept that can be defeated but not without some form of structural upheaval in us white peoples lives, homes, and communities.

its early in the morning and the coffee isnt hitting yet so ill wrap it up here and just add a few more graphics to help further your research and path to becoming not a shitty person. but this applies to every white person reading this, yes even you. this includes me. we can't do this alone and that is what everyone is trying to fucking tell us. "whiteness" has corrupted us fundamentally and we gotta fucking do better.

white ppl think racism and imperialism just spring into existence from nothing like big bang style instead of being constantly reproduced and upheld by ... say it with me ... white ppl