#everyday advice

[courtkossai]

not to mention how many people have cognitive disabilities - whether diagnose or not , and whether visually obvious or not - or in general holes in world view , experiences , and skill set , even on best days .

if something is harmful , by all means have right to speak up and explain , to complain , and to hope for either apology or consequence . but little everyday mistakes and mixups will not mean anything by tomorrow , unless choose to make confrontation or otherwise fan flames . find there is no reason to harp on these , much less to be so negative towards all people for these .

find this attitude also come across when people look at packages - of course hot coffee is hot , of course frozen meal need cook before serve , can not believe people would need those reminders , blah blah .

in some of those cases , there will be at least one person who never experience before - or again , circle back to cognitive disability of some kind - and might need that explanation , obvious as this is to others . in other cases , this is so company can cover ass legally - see cases like stella liebeck and mcdonalds hot coffee , where hot was understatement .

things like this will never actually be so simple .

I say this as someone who is guilty of this mindset sometimes too, but it does grate on me when people lean too heavily into the "people are so stupid, people are idiots, why is everyone so stupid" mentality, because the thing is, a lot of people feel that way, dare I say most people feel that way with varying degrees of frequency.

I mean, especially if you work a public facing customer service job you will probably have these moments of exasperation. But the people I know who all they do is complain about how stupid people are, how the human race is a bunch of idiot morons, etc. the thing is they make "stupid" mistakes, they say and do things that would come across as obviously "stupid" or "moronic" to plenty of other people.

For every person who has complained "wow, people are so dumb" "wow, I'm worried about the human race" they have been "that person" to someone else. They said or did something careless that made another person go "wow, people are so dumb, I can't believe people." I guarantee that you, the person reading this, has been that person to someone else more times than you could possibly imagine.

I'm not here to police your feelings and say you can't be frustrated or exasperated when someone says or does something that you find to be very obviously wrong. But at least try to have some grace in how you treat other people when they make a "stupid" mistake.

I mean, you don't know what kind of day someone is having. Especially when I worked 12+ hours in retail, in one of the busiest souvenir shops in the country (so flooded with constant customers the entire 12+ hours) you bet my brain was fried beyond belief at the end of the shift, especially if it was my third day in a row working a 12+ hour shift. And you better believe I'd make really "stupid" mistakes when, say, trying to pay for my bus ticket or run a quick errand after my third day in a row working 12+ hours. I could barely spell my own name.

Maybe I'm just exasperated right now with the people I know who seem to make "other people are so stupid! I can't believe other people!" one of their defining personality traits. I think it's fine and normal to be frustrated and exasperated with other people. But when you make it your entire personality and make every conversation about how dumb other people are I can't help but see that as someone lacking in grace and compassion, not to mention an overly simplistic and juvenile world view in my humble opinion.

[dimeadozencows]

This came to me in an early morning queer haze

Kissing my medics good morning (I am your husband heavy and I love you)

[ghostlysodo]

pav’s spiderman advice hotline! (he’s completely wrong abt everything his spider senses do not apply to every situation like he thinks they do)

[planefood]

I'm kinda curious I see a lot of discussion posts about "worst art advice" and "drawing everyday" is almost always listed as one of them now. Why would drawing everyday be bad art advice? It takes like 5 minutes to doodle something if you have the free time I don't see why it'd be harmful in any way if you're looking for ways to improve quickly drawing everyday seems like pretty solid art advice.

[incorrectsvlegends]

Pecharunt: Get in the Halloween spirit and make a ghost!

Koraidon: That's called murder, and I heard somewhere that's illegal.

[aroace-everyday]

Aroace

(being quoiromantic and demiromantic is awful cause I'll meet someone then I'll "fall in love with them" rethink my entire demiromantic identity only to realize oh shoot I just want to be friends with them but for some reason as a lesbian the only person I've ever made a connection to that i could actually have romantic feelings for them is my childhood/current best friend who's a guy (who I would rather die than date he's like a better brother to me than my actual brother) and the only "date" (it doesn't really count) I've ever been on 1. I hated it 2. so awkward cause we didn't know much about each other which made me realize I'm demiromantic but honestly I might just be cupioromantic and trying so hard to convince myself I can fall in love

-mod wayne)

[carrot-felisidad]

VOTE FIRST BEFORE READING BELOW. REACH INTO YOUR HEART AND VOTE FOR WHAT YOU REALLY WANT!

Warning: I chose violence everyday and I'm your passive aggressive friend who cares for you.

I'm giving you White Head Ribbon because... My girl, my boy, my enby baby, my bothsie, treat this as a wake up call. You need restraint. You need to start creating a list of principles that you think would turn you into your dream self, and stop doing things based on short term pleasure. I know I can't stop you for most as you have ADHD and/or autism, but the more you cater to your short term whims, the more you hate yourself. You also need the silence and peace in the cloud recesses. You may not know it, but your soul has been craving for some alone time. Seclude yourself in Hanshi if you want, just let your soul rest for a while.

I'm giving you a clarity bell because... You've been empathizing with people for so long that I wish for you to get out of the muddy puddle that is other people's problem and get back to your own energy. My sad baby empath... it's okay to say no. You've been in the Empathy ritual for so long, and a lot of people have been telling you to get out of it, the friend that you have been empathizing with is long dead, just a walking corpse who only see you as a free therapist, nothing else. They don't even want to change. You need this bell, boo. Clang clang clang or whatever.

I'm giving you a Vermillion Mark because... I want you to be proud of yourself for once. Acknowledge your hard work and credentials, stop brushing them off as "only", because I need you to bag that promotion and/or RESPECT FROM EVERYBODY, as what you deserve. Oh, you think you're not actually that good? Your achievements are nothing?? Well, I want you to get over your imposter syndrome because Su She was out there creating his own sect by being a pretentious wannabe!!! He has no skills and is only a steve jobs fanatic! You?! You have real skills. Wear this vermillion mark and show them! Jin Ling was bullied all his life by mere nobodies but he knew from day one that he's the GOAT. And always remember that you have someone who will fight alongside you, who will break their legs if they hurt you.

I'm giving you a Fan with Paintings in it because... I want you to follow your dreams. You may be raised in a family or culture where you are assumed to follow a certain path. Be relentless that you are living your life. The point of life is to be enjoyed, not to be someone else's puppet, ain't no way! And don't worry about where your life will lead you. You are smart and scheming, you know your subject. You will lead a fruitful life wherever you go. Stop living your life to get someone else's validation. Actually do things that make you happy. You deserve a life worth living.

I'm giving you a Bamboo Flute because... You need to practice necromancy, lol. Use the dead for your own goals... Stop a war or plant some vegetbales... Haha i think, um, idk the agressiv spirit guide who was ghost writing through me just fled to get some pizza she ain't coming back haha. Research about shadow work (it's an actuall clinical thingy) and rise above the challenges. Come back with the coolest fashion statement. Stop being a people pleaser and start being an feared entity. OVERCOME YOUR MEASLY HUNAN CONDITIONS AND BECOME A DEMONIC CULTIVATIR! Wei Wuxian did not die and came back to life to orove nothing!

[your-heart-is-a-treasure]

Your values become your destiny.

[mysticalcoffeequeen]

I hate that when we absolutely HATE our jobs and genuinely DO NOT care for labor, the only advice people have is “sry your soul is dying but ✨capitalism✨ ain’t so allow the check to keep you going ” but like it really shouldn’t be like that in the first damn place !!!

[roseofcards90]

I feel bad 😭

[apenapaperandadoofus]

THIS MF WENT AND GAVE THESE GUYS THERAPY WHILE HE WONT EVEN TALK TO DILUC KAEYA MY LOVE NO 😭😭😭

[courtkossai]

also very important to wait with AAC users of all kinds . SGDs slower than voice speech , and , very often people will interrupt as if done - and then device continue to read , because message was not done . this means have to stop and start everything over again , because body voices tend to be much louder and will miss what come next .

this is why often just tell people to read messages , but , feel very nervous to put literal voice in hands of others to possibly drop . should not have to do that just because people with body speech can not wait .

this also isolate in group situations , especially where those people start conversations with each other - which make AAC use harder , and is incredibly rude to AAC user .

I feel as though in the past few years it's becoming more common for me to be interrupted while I'm speaking, and I can't help but wonder if more people are losing a sense of conversational rhythm due to communicating more and more digitally and less and less in person.

When you communicate digitally you don't have to worry about finding the natural rhythm of the conversation, you're not taking away someone else's ability to finish their thought or make their point if you send a message to them while they're still typing. I'm not here to scare monger about the kids and their phones, but it's important that you don't let your skill of finding a conversational rhythm, if you have that skill, atrophy, lest you speak over someone and take away their ability to complete their thought and make their point.

But I also realize that it's really important to specify what I mean by interrupting someone.

When someone says that interrupting is really normal and not considered rude in their community or culture, what they're actually talking about is what's known in linguistics as "cooperative overlap", that or simultaneous talking. Here's an example of cooperative overlap and/or simultaneous talking that you might see in a culture where this is normal and acceptable:

Person A: So guess where I went today? I went to the -

Person B: Oh let me take a wild guess! You went to the shoe store again didn't you?

Person A: That's right, and I got a -

Person C: Oh come on, don't tell you got another pair!

Person A: You know it baby!

Now let's compare that to a different style of interruption, what I like to call "steamrolling"

Person A: So guess where I went today? I went to the -

Person B: UGH did you guys catch the game last night?

Person C: Yeah the refs sucked!

Now, what differences can you see between the first example, aka "cooperative overlapping" vs the second "steamrolling" example?

For one, in the first example Person A is still allowed to make their point, tell their story, and finish their thought. They're not being silenced or completely derailed, and most importantly their conversation partners still seem interested and engaged in what they have to say. In the second example, Person A is being completely derailed and stripped of their chance to finish their thought and make their point, which is unfair to Person A, which is what makes "steamrolling" disrespectful even in many cultures and communities where "cooperative overlapping" would be acceptable.

Now, conversational overlap isn't for everyone, and that's okay, but it makes it awkward and tricky when someone from a community or culture that uses conversational overlap talks to someone who is from a culture that doesn't. For example:

Person A: So the other day I went to -

Person B: Oh my god did you go to that one store?

Person A: Um, no, I went to the movies, and I saw -

Person B: OH did you see that new creepy movie about the aliens?

Person A: No, can I please just finish my story?

Person B: Oh, uh, sorry

Neither person will probably feel great after this conversation. And I'm not here to condemn either conversational styles. I understand why some people see cooperative overlap as a more engaging and exciting conversational style, but I also understand why some people find it frustrating. My mother's family has a cultural background big on conversational overlap, but my father's side of the family ehhh not so much, so I personally grew up seeing these two conversational styles clash a lot.

If you're person A in the above conversation who doesn't like conversational overlap, that's totally fine, I'm personally not a big fan of it either only because I have a terrible memory, so when someone disrupts my flow I usually end up completely forgetting what I want to say. Just try to recognize the difference between cooperative overlap vs steamrolling. If someone is just trying to cooperatively overlap with you, patiently and politely tell them something along the lines of "sorry I have a terrible memory so if I don't finish I'll forget what I'm trying to say". But it's generally a good idea to be more patient and understanding with conversational overlap than steamrolling.

If you're someone who cooperatively overlaps and you encounter someone who isn't a fan of it, try not to take it personally, maybe like me they have a horrible memory and will forget what they're trying to say if they get side tracked.

But what I meant earlier about conversational rhythm is that too often a lot of interrupting comes from not realizing the other person wasn't finished speaking.

For example, personal A wants to say "so the other day I went hiking, and I saw a fox" some people might not recognize when person A is actually finished speaking, typically they assume as soon as they've heard a complete clause that means the thought is finished, so the conversation goes like

Person A: So the other day I went hiking -

Person B: OH I went hiking a few weeks ago with my girlfriend but it was so slippery out!

Person C: Oh how is your girlfriend doing by the way?

Person B: She's doing great! How's your partner doing?

Do you see how this style of interruption, unlike cooperative overlap, also derails Person A and deprives Person A of a chance to finish what they want to say? It's not quite steamrolling, and often just comes from a lack of rhythm or understanding. As a general rule, if you want to avoid interrupting someone, pause for a few seconds after you think they're finished in case they aren't actually finished. This way you avoid accidentally depriving someone of the chance to finish what they want to say and completing their thought.

We should never be too eager to assume someone has finished making their point because you never know what someone might actually be trying to say, and if you cut someone off before they make their point you can miss important context. For example:

Person A: I don't think I see stray cats here -

Person B: AHA BULL FUCKING SHIT! I totally saw a stray cat the other day!

Person A: I was going to say as much as in other places if you had let me finish?

Or:

Person A: I hate when it's hot out. When I was a kid it was usually around 25 or 30 degrees Celsius in the summers -

Person B: OH come one don't be such a wimpy little baby! 25-30 degrees isn't even that warm! I've totally seen WAY hotter summers than that!

Person A: Uh, that's what I was going to say if you'd let me finish, the summers were pretty mild when I was a kid, but they're a lot hotter now . .

Do you see how in both conversations Person B was too eager to assume Person A had finished making their point and ended up missing important context? If person B had only paused and waited for Person A to finish making their point, they wouldn't have ended up making an ass of themselves to put it frankly. This style of interruption can make you come across as eager to dominate and "one up" other people, which frankly a lot of people find obnoxious and exhausting. This is different than cooperative overlapping because it comes from a place of wanting to correct or one-up your conversation partner, rather than play and/or build into what they're saying, which is why I'd argue it's closer to steamrolling.

Good conversational rhythm ideally means everyone is allowed to finish their thought and make their point, whether or not that includes overlapping or even simultaneous talking. If you're not sure someone has finished their thought, pause a few seconds to make sure they've had the chance to complete their thought, less you miss important context. OR, if you do interject, it should be about building/playing into what they're saying rather than derailing/steamrolling them.

What's important to keep in mind is that it's often a matter of power and respect when someone is or isn't allowed to finish their thought and make their point. If someone is unable to finish their thought or make their point before getting steamrolled, they're going to feel like their input to the conversation isn't valued or important, and that's never a good feeling.

[eun-luv]

okay can I vent check hashtags

[ultrainfinitepit]

I noticed from your old art work to the newest that the details have gotten less complex, I am wondering how that came to be

Oh, huh, I guess they have! If it's a sketch like some recent Pride Angels sketches, those tend to be less detailed because they're not the final product, and they're going to be pins so depending on anticipated size I can't make them too detailed.

But I can agree my art has gotten less detailed overall. The main reason for that is I'm trying to be less rigid with my style. Instead of making designs precisely, I try to give them a looser, hand-drawn feeling so they look more natural. I was inspired to do so by the styles of other pin makers I admire.

On a less fun note, over the years of pin making I've developed wrist pain. I can only draw for so long before the pain gets to me, and I have to avoid my old style of drawing. Those smooth, detailed lines look great but pulling them does a number on my wrist! It also makes traditional pen inking really difficult, that's why I mostly do pencil sketches now. Don't worry though: the list of pins and other things I want to make is finite now, I'm trying to wrap everything up by next year so I can take a break to heal.

[thesandyfreak]

Help my friend just said a friend of his wanna date me wHAT the HELL I'mma supposed to do this mortal vessel is about burst into ten million pieces I've never even held hands my unsocial brain's about to melt out of my head and I forgot how human words work

[bil-daddy]

Who made the first move? You or Mr. Fell?

I have this guy I really like and I want to make the first move to ask him out but I’m so nervous 😬

Dunno...we both sorta just dropped hints at each other, never really picking up on them, until the whole ox rib (not platonic) thing where we went from zero to 69 (and 'nice' doesn't even begin to describe it)

So if you wanna make a move, be direct. He might like you back or he might not, but you'll never know if he doesn't realize you're flirting with him.

Good luck.