#everyday advice

[courtkossai]

would also suggest similar offer if someone approach line with signs of distress , weakness , or pain - regardless of age . ( huff and puff for air , grunt and groan , try to lean against shelves , things like that . )

there was times in past where , without adequate mobility aid , would have to sit on floor in middle of line up because pain was that severe , and visibly in distress - but no one offer to bump up line . to sit on floor like that is hazard for everyone - definitely get clip by shoes as people try to move line along , unaware someone sit there - and honestly humiliate .

sometimes for physical safety , people need to get out as soon as possible - unfortunately not all will have adequate mobility aid , and many stores do not have seats accessible for public to rest . when possible , try to be mindful for those people .

Offer to let other people go ahead of you in line, especially if you're approaching the line at the same time. This is double applicable if you're in a store and the other person has fewer items than you.

This is a small gesture of kindness that in most cases will cost you very little time or effort. It shows consideration for other people's time. Especially in the case of being in a store and letting someone with fewer items than you go first, there is no sense in making someone else wait for you who would otherwise be able to get in and out much quicker.

[princepestilence]

One of the more exasperating things about living a life on this planet has to be how doomed we are just to fall into the same pit one after another for infinite generations, even if you know the pit is coming up. It's a completely unavoidable event. Because you start out young and clever and there's all these well-meaning older people who will try to give you advice about the big picture things of being human

--and it's always some stupid trite bullshit. Despicable platitudes. If it was that easy, the world would be a different place, so you decide when you're old, you're going to say actual real meaningful things when you give advice and not just watery sop like this.

Then you get older and real experiences happen to you along the way, and you realise that's it. There isn't anything else to say. That's the absolute best advice we've got for saying the enormity of what you're feeling in these moments, stress-tested over a hundred thousand years of going through it. And it still sounds like sop, except you hear through that now to the truth inside.

And despite all this and how badly you want to warn them, no young people will ever be able to understand how genuinely and sincerely you mean it when you try to share this truth, and will only hear the platitudes and stupid trite bullshit. They won't really understand you, even if they want to believe you, because they can't. Not really. And you can't save them from going in the pit. They have to go in the pit. It's the only way.

You can even tell them that they will have to go in the pit before things begin to make a kind of sense, and sometimes they get a little mad at you because they already know everything and the pit sounds stupid. And it is. And they're still going to go in it. It will teach them and change them and then it will be their turn to be disbelieved by annoyed young people who they can't save from the future.

Sorry and good luck, I guess.

[dimeadozencows]

This came to me in an early morning queer haze

Kissing my medics good morning (I am your husband heavy and I love you)

[courtkossai]

kossai struggle with this , but always try to put something - this post was help with format and nice to find again . look for point of picture , why is this picture worth share , and describe that .

sometimes people bog down in every little detail and then someone who need description have to go through superficial detail after superficial detail just to finally reach point . can really waste time and frustrate - imagine someone who tell story of latest drive out , but decide to include every moment of speed up , slow down , get gas , make turn , even when not relevant or notable at all .

if share cat picture because cat make funny face , describe that funny face more than background or coat colour ! unless picture exist specifically to showcase outfit , probably do not focus on minute details of outfit - focus on something notable about outfit , or just describe simply as plain clothes , golden regalia , frilly lolita coordinate , so on .

yknow i never noticed the sheer rareness of images having ids or alt text on this website until i started adding alt text to my art (and trying to remember to add it to any images i post in general, especially text screenshots) and that makes me kinda sad

[questionableadvice]

~ Everyday Etiquette: A Practical Manual of Social Usages by Marion Harland and Virginia Van De Water, 1905

[winterpeta1s]

Reneé getting pregnant one year into their marriage and being all happy and casual about it while Alexandre goes through all the stages of internal panic because he's 40 and he never thought he would have a family and he has no idea what to do and is TERRIFIED of messing up

[ghostlysodo]

pav’s spiderman advice hotline! (he’s completely wrong abt everything his spider senses do not apply to every situation like he thinks they do)

[incorrectsvlegends]

Pecharunt: Get in the Halloween spirit and make a ghost!

Koraidon: That's called murder, and I heard somewhere that's illegal.

[quotelr]

Miracles happens everyday. You have to open your heart, mind and soul to see these miraculous encounters.

Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

[courtkossai]

also very important to wait with AAC users of all kinds . SGDs slower than voice speech , and , very often people will interrupt as if done - and then device continue to read , because message was not done . this means have to stop and start everything over again , because body voices tend to be much louder and will miss what come next .

this is why often just tell people to read messages , but , feel very nervous to put literal voice in hands of others to possibly drop . should not have to do that just because people with body speech can not wait .

this also isolate in group situations , especially where those people start conversations with each other - which make AAC use harder , and is incredibly rude to AAC user .

I feel as though in the past few years it's becoming more common for me to be interrupted while I'm speaking, and I can't help but wonder if more people are losing a sense of conversational rhythm due to communicating more and more digitally and less and less in person.

When you communicate digitally you don't have to worry about finding the natural rhythm of the conversation, you're not taking away someone else's ability to finish their thought or make their point if you send a message to them while they're still typing. I'm not here to scare monger about the kids and their phones, but it's important that you don't let your skill of finding a conversational rhythm, if you have that skill, atrophy, lest you speak over someone and take away their ability to complete their thought and make their point.

But I also realize that it's really important to specify what I mean by interrupting someone.

When someone says that interrupting is really normal and not considered rude in their community or culture, what they're actually talking about is what's known in linguistics as "cooperative overlap", that or simultaneous talking. Here's an example of cooperative overlap and/or simultaneous talking that you might see in a culture where this is normal and acceptable:

Person A: So guess where I went today? I went to the -

Person B: Oh let me take a wild guess! You went to the shoe store again didn't you?

Person A: That's right, and I got a -

Person C: Oh come on, don't tell you got another pair!

Person A: You know it baby!

Now let's compare that to a different style of interruption, what I like to call "steamrolling"

Person A: So guess where I went today? I went to the -

Person B: UGH did you guys catch the game last night?

Person C: Yeah the refs sucked!

Now, what differences can you see between the first example, aka "cooperative overlapping" vs the second "steamrolling" example?

For one, in the first example Person A is still allowed to make their point, tell their story, and finish their thought. They're not being silenced or completely derailed, and most importantly their conversation partners still seem interested and engaged in what they have to say. In the second example, Person A is being completely derailed and stripped of their chance to finish their thought and make their point, which is unfair to Person A, which is what makes "steamrolling" disrespectful even in many cultures and communities where "cooperative overlapping" would be acceptable.

Now, conversational overlap isn't for everyone, and that's okay, but it makes it awkward and tricky when someone from a community or culture that uses conversational overlap talks to someone who is from a culture that doesn't. For example:

Person A: So the other day I went to -

Person B: Oh my god did you go to that one store?

Person A: Um, no, I went to the movies, and I saw -

Person B: OH did you see that new creepy movie about the aliens?

Person A: No, can I please just finish my story?

Person B: Oh, uh, sorry

Neither person will probably feel great after this conversation. And I'm not here to condemn either conversational styles. I understand why some people see cooperative overlap as a more engaging and exciting conversational style, but I also understand why some people find it frustrating. My mother's family has a cultural background big on conversational overlap, but my father's side of the family ehhh not so much, so I personally grew up seeing these two conversational styles clash a lot.

If you're person A in the above conversation who doesn't like conversational overlap, that's totally fine, I'm personally not a big fan of it either only because I have a terrible memory, so when someone disrupts my flow I usually end up completely forgetting what I want to say. Just try to recognize the difference between cooperative overlap vs steamrolling. If someone is just trying to cooperatively overlap with you, patiently and politely tell them something along the lines of "sorry I have a terrible memory so if I don't finish I'll forget what I'm trying to say". But it's generally a good idea to be more patient and understanding with conversational overlap than steamrolling.

If you're someone who cooperatively overlaps and you encounter someone who isn't a fan of it, try not to take it personally, maybe like me they have a horrible memory and will forget what they're trying to say if they get side tracked.

But what I meant earlier about conversational rhythm is that too often a lot of interrupting comes from not realizing the other person wasn't finished speaking.

For example, personal A wants to say "so the other day I went hiking, and I saw a fox" some people might not recognize when person A is actually finished speaking, typically they assume as soon as they've heard a complete clause that means the thought is finished, so the conversation goes like

Person A: So the other day I went hiking -

Person B: OH I went hiking a few weeks ago with my girlfriend but it was so slippery out!

Person C: Oh how is your girlfriend doing by the way?

Person B: She's doing great! How's your partner doing?

Do you see how this style of interruption, unlike cooperative overlap, also derails Person A and deprives Person A of a chance to finish what they want to say? It's not quite steamrolling, and often just comes from a lack of rhythm or understanding. As a general rule, if you want to avoid interrupting someone, pause for a few seconds after you think they're finished in case they aren't actually finished. This way you avoid accidentally depriving someone of the chance to finish what they want to say and completing their thought.

We should never be too eager to assume someone has finished making their point because you never know what someone might actually be trying to say, and if you cut someone off before they make their point you can miss important context. For example:

Person A: I don't think I see stray cats here -

Person B: AHA BULL FUCKING SHIT! I totally saw a stray cat the other day!

Person A: I was going to say as much as in other places if you had let me finish?

Or:

Person A: I hate when it's hot out. When I was a kid it was usually around 25 or 30 degrees Celsius in the summers -

Person B: OH come one don't be such a wimpy little baby! 25-30 degrees isn't even that warm! I've totally seen WAY hotter summers than that!

Person A: Uh, that's what I was going to say if you'd let me finish, the summers were pretty mild when I was a kid, but they're a lot hotter now . .

Do you see how in both conversations Person B was too eager to assume Person A had finished making their point and ended up missing important context? If person B had only paused and waited for Person A to finish making their point, they wouldn't have ended up making an ass of themselves to put it frankly. This style of interruption can make you come across as eager to dominate and "one up" other people, which frankly a lot of people find obnoxious and exhausting. This is different than cooperative overlapping because it comes from a place of wanting to correct or one-up your conversation partner, rather than play and/or build into what they're saying, which is why I'd argue it's closer to steamrolling.

Good conversational rhythm ideally means everyone is allowed to finish their thought and make their point, whether or not that includes overlapping or even simultaneous talking. If you're not sure someone has finished their thought, pause a few seconds to make sure they've had the chance to complete their thought, less you miss important context. OR, if you do interject, it should be about building/playing into what they're saying rather than derailing/steamrolling them.

What's important to keep in mind is that it's often a matter of power and respect when someone is or isn't allowed to finish their thought and make their point. If someone is unable to finish their thought or make their point before getting steamrolled, they're going to feel like their input to the conversation isn't valued or important, and that's never a good feeling.

[softquietsteadylove]

Badly hurt Gil and a caring Thena? :3

Gil blinked up at the ceiling. He really had no idea what happened to him. Last he could remember he was at work. They had a soup special so he was trying to get out the big stock pots from the shelf.

"Seems I'm still your emergency contact."

He nearly jumped in the rickety little hospital bed. It was like a dream, seeing her there next to him. But she smiled, holding a little paper hospital coffee cup and looking like she'd rolled out of bed to be here. Not that she looked bad, of course, but he knew her comfy hoodie and leggings were disguising that she had been in her pajamas already before coming here. It was her 'throw something on' outfit.

She still looked beautiful.

"You're still mine, for what it's worth," she admitted, albeit more quietly into the pitiful little cup. "Awful lot of paperwork, I recall thinking when I first considered changing it."

"Uh, yeah," he blinked. He wasn't seeing double at least, and he was pretty sure the faint glow she had was just because of the yellow-y light of the hospital combined with her natural prettiness. "You know what happened?"

Her light commentary left her and she frowned, her shoulders drawing inward. "You slipped at work. It was only a few small stairs of a tumble, but you got knocked out. They had to bring you here."

"Shit," Gil cursed, flopping against the pillows again. He was missing their busiest night, and that was besides the fact that the restaurant would not be happy about having to file a workplace compensation for his little accident.

"Are you okay?" Thena asked more directly, but just as gently. She leaned over in the chair she had dragged as close as she could. "Do you remember anything?"

He groaned, ruffling his hair, although he quickly learned that was a mistake, given the pounding in his head. "I was getting out some stock pots to make the soup special. We, uh, are supposed to store them lower down but it's easier to keep the food more in reach and the pots higher up."

Thena raised her brows at him, in a blatantly unimpressed way. "Because why have to get up on your tip-toes for salt when you could instead concuss yourself with a steel pot?"

He winced, and not just from his migraine. "Yeah, I guess that's about it."

Thena sighed, and he shifted in the bed uncomfortably. She had laughed it off, but she didn't really have to be here for him. They had called her because he hadn't thought to change his paperwork since their breakup. She had left the comfort of her home just to sit here with him. "I'm just glad you're all right."

He gave her a poor attempt at a smile. "Sorry, Thena."

He would have understood her being a little pissed at him for the whole mess. But she blinked at him, her eyes all teary. It made his chest clench; he always hated it when she cried, as rare as it was. His shoulders even flinched, wanting to reach out to hold her out of reflex.

"I was worried," she whimpered out with a wobbly lip. "I got a call asking if I was your contact, and they told me you fell, and were knocked out, and I would need to be here before you could be released, a-and-"

"Hey, come on sweetheart," he whispered, attempting to lean over in the bed to reach out for her. It really wasn't manageable, and also everything hurt.

She spared him, moving over for herself to wrap her arms around his neck. Her face buried itself in his shoulder, in a way that was so familiar it was painful (more painful than his body full of bruises). "Never do this to me again."

"I won't," he promised immediately. He wasn't sure how real a promise that was, the floors could get a little slippery sometimes, and he wouldn't say he was as naturally graceful as Thena. But he rubbed her back and turned his head so he could bury his nose in her hair. "I'm sorry, Thena. I'm okay, I promise."

She pulled away, swiping at her tears and making sure she looked annoyed with him enough that it would be chastising. "I'll be the judge of that. They've recommended you not be alone for 24 hours after you wake up, just in case."

Gil made a face, "I'm guessing I'm not allowed to get that surveillance at work?"

"Not a chance."

He sighed; they were really not gonna like this.

"They'll live," Thena drawled as she picked up her coffee again, only to immediately make a face and put it back down.

Gil eyed the sad little cup. "That isn't decaf, huh?"

"I'm sure it would taste just as awful if it were," she lamented, at least sitting back in the chair as she rubbed her temple.

Gil looked at the clock and then back at her. "I'm sorry they dragged you out here."

But she looked at him again with those big, beautiful green gemstones-for-eyes she had. "I would have come even if it were the dead of night, you know."

He smiled a little. He couldn't help it. He was glad to know that they hadn't ended on such bad terms that she would leave him to his own health emergencies. "Yeah, I guess I do know."

Thena tilted her head at him. "Not that there will be any more of these little incidents, now will there?"

"No, ma'am."

"Hm," she hummed to herself, but he could see that little almost-smile of satisfaction at the corner of her lips. She liked establishing herself as an authority in any situation.

He always told her she wore it well, that it was sexy on her. But he kept his mouth shut this time.

Thena looked over at the bag full of his possessions. "I've heard this go off a few times. Your workplace, I assume."

"Yeah, it's probably the boss man making sure I can't sue him for emotional distress or something," Gil sighed. He had a flash of panic as Thena pulled his phone out, trying to think if there was anything embarrassing he wouldn't want her seeing.

Had he taken the heart off her name in his contacts? Had he changed the colour scheme from the green that reminded him of her eyes? Were any of his top texts about how he was most certainly developing feelings for his ex-girlfriend and current 'something' again?

But Thena pulled it out and handed it to him before settling back in the chair and pulling out her own phone.

He pulled it up with a faint smile. He had half expected her to immediately open it for herself and start texting in his place. There was a time when she hadn't had any problem commandeering things in situations like this. He had found it a little bossy at the time, not that he'd mentioned as much.

Thena looked up from her phone, "do you want me to mention this to the others?"

He smiled at her even more. They really were different from when they had broken up, and he was pretty sure it was for the better. "Yeah, that's okay. I'm sure we would have told them eventually anyway, right?"

"Hm."

Gil went back to his phone, texting the guys at the restaurant and his boss individually, assuring them that he wasn't dead or even injured all that severely. Although he would have to miss yet another dinner service.

"It's okay," Thena began, and sheepishly at that. When he looked up at her she dashed her eyes away, "that I came here...right?"

He blinked, "they called you, didn't they?"

She squirmed, and he saw that hand tuck her hair behind her ear. "Yes, but I mean...had you had your choice of who would come, would it have been me, is what I'm asking."

Did he really want his ex to be the one waking him up and taking him home and monitoring him, she meant. Was it weird that they were doing something like this after having dissolved their live-in partnership more than a year ago? And if it wasn't, shouldn't it be?

But Gil couldn't stop smiling. Maybe they'd given him something for the headache while he was still out, but he was just so happy to see her. It was so soothing to hear her voice, so easy on the eyes to see her familiar blonde braid, no makeup, lazy clothes, bags under her eyes and all.

Thena finally managed to look at him again, toying with the end of said braid.

"There's no one else I'd rather have here," he answered honestly (maybe a little too honestly). Thena smiled down at her lap, too pleased with the answer to hide it but too embarrassed to do so directly at him. "Really."

Thena pressed her lips tighter together, something she did when she was trying to make herself smile less, not that it ever worked. But it was cute to see these habits of hers again. "So be it."

He eased back again. Maybe they did give him something, or maybe he needed more now.

Thena took notice of the very slight movement and leaned over him again. "I'm sorry, Gil, you can't go back to sleep just yet. They said they would check on you every hour. Now that you're up, I'm sure they have tests they need to conduct."

He pouted at her like a boy, "but I'm tiiiiiiiiired."

She smiled at him, and before either of them knew it, she pressed her lips to his forehead. "I know. Just focus on me."

Well, that he could do. He drew his eyes up to her beautiful, flawless face again. At least it was a nice way to keep himself awake. "Tell me about your day. Don't tell me you also fell down some stairs and got knocked out by a stock pot too."

Thena laughed faintly, filling the stuffy silence of the room. "Nothing so exciting, I'm afraid."

"Gilgamesh?"

They both jumped faintly as the door opened and both a doctor and nurse came into the room. The doctor looked at both of them, "and Thena--you're his partner?"

"I'm--he's--we're-" Thena tried and failed to get out as the two professionals just stared, waiting for an answer. Under the immense pressure, she managed to squeak out, "yes."

Gil looked at her desperately, but she was turning her head almost away from even the doctor. Nothing could hide the bright pink building in her cheek and spreading to her ears, though.

"Okay," the doctor smoothed over the weird vibe between them, moving over to the free side of his bed. "Gilgamesh, I'm gonna ask you some questions, okay?"

"Sure," he answered eagerly, although he was busy looking at his cute, flustered 'partner' sinking back into her chair and avoiding looking at him for all she was worth.

[latymerct]

Jesus. My bad for disappearing on yall. Think I found my soulmate, had the best happiest most serene 2 weeks of my life then everything crashed & burned and now I’m wildly depressed. Viva la White wine to keep me afloat

[snakeater]

to build self-esteem all you must do is solve the nyt letter boxed in two!

[carrot-felisidad]

VOTE FIRST BEFORE READING BELOW. REACH INTO YOUR HEART AND VOTE FOR WHAT YOU REALLY WANT!

Warning: I chose violence everyday and I'm your passive aggressive friend who cares for you.

I'm giving you White Head Ribbon because... My girl, my boy, my enby baby, my bothsie, treat this as a wake up call. You need restraint. You need to start creating a list of principles that you think would turn you into your dream self, and stop doing things based on short term pleasure. I know I can't stop you for most as you have ADHD and/or autism, but the more you cater to your short term whims, the more you hate yourself. You also need the silence and peace in the cloud recesses. You may not know it, but your soul has been craving for some alone time. Seclude yourself in Hanshi if you want, just let your soul rest for a while.

I'm giving you a clarity bell because... You've been empathizing with people for so long that I wish for you to get out of the muddy puddle that is other people's problem and get back to your own energy. My sad baby empath... it's okay to say no. You've been in the Empathy ritual for so long, and a lot of people have been telling you to get out of it, the friend that you have been empathizing with is long dead, just a walking corpse who only see you as a free therapist, nothing else. They don't even want to change. You need this bell, boo. Clang clang clang or whatever.

I'm giving you a Vermillion Mark because... I want you to be proud of yourself for once. Acknowledge your hard work and credentials, stop brushing them off as "only", because I need you to bag that promotion and/or RESPECT FROM EVERYBODY, as what you deserve. Oh, you think you're not actually that good? Your achievements are nothing?? Well, I want you to get over your imposter syndrome because Su She was out there creating his own sect by being a pretentious wannabe!!! He has no skills and is only a steve jobs fanatic! You?! You have real skills. Wear this vermillion mark and show them! Jin Ling was bullied all his life by mere nobodies but he knew from day one that he's the GOAT. And always remember that you have someone who will fight alongside you, who will break their legs if they hurt you.

I'm giving you a Fan with Paintings in it because... I want you to follow your dreams. You may be raised in a family or culture where you are assumed to follow a certain path. Be relentless that you are living your life. The point of life is to be enjoyed, not to be someone else's puppet, ain't no way! And don't worry about where your life will lead you. You are smart and scheming, you know your subject. You will lead a fruitful life wherever you go. Stop living your life to get someone else's validation. Actually do things that make you happy. You deserve a life worth living.

I'm giving you a Bamboo Flute because... You need to practice necromancy, lol. Use the dead for your own goals... Stop a war or plant some vegetbales... Haha i think, um, idk the agressiv spirit guide who was ghost writing through me just fled to get some pizza she ain't coming back haha. Research about shadow work (it's an actuall clinical thingy) and rise above the challenges. Come back with the coolest fashion statement. Stop being a people pleaser and start being an feared entity. OVERCOME YOUR MEASLY HUNAN CONDITIONS AND BECOME A DEMONIC CULTIVATIR! Wei Wuxian did not die and came back to life to orove nothing!

[your-heart-is-a-treasure]

Your values become your destiny.

[mysticalcoffeequeen]

I hate that when we absolutely HATE our jobs and genuinely DO NOT care for labor, the only advice people have is “sry your soul is dying but ✨capitalism✨ ain’t so allow the check to keep you going ” but like it really shouldn’t be like that in the first damn place !!!