#every word I hold in my heart
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Is it so bad?
#that I want to be with you#that I want to be on call and laugh with you#that I want to take up space in your mind and in your life?#if I just want to do something for us both?#if I want to cherish you and check in?#if I want to comfort you#if I want you to trust me#when I look at you and hope that you'll speak first#when I just want you to engage- not dominate or whisper#when I hope that you neither tiptoe or trample#when I ask of you to please help find a middle ground#when I hope that my boundaries won't feel like glass shards. invisible and terrifying#when I hope that they'll be respected without disregard or jokes#when I just want to have /trust/#is it so bad that I'm tired of hiding away?#is it so bad that I don't want to fight anymore?#am I that difficult? is it that hard to be around me?#sorry I can't tell you outright about my feelings#if you ignored them again I would just crumble#every word I hold in my heart#every moment I keep to myself#every glance I spare at you#every vocalization I let trail off#I would give you my voice till it became hoarse#I would look your way as long as you asked#I would give you my time- it's right there for you#I would give you every word I have to write if only I thought you would care#maybe I'm just too selfish#but you don't say anything either way#so what's the point?
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pecco rant please please
*spins wheel on possible topics* absurdly underrated but in a dumb way. you'd think you can stumble your way into two premier class titles. I don't care he's on the best bike - let's be honest, how often this century have the title winners not been on the best bike? 2004 and to a lesser extent 2005 you can say clearly weaker bike, 2007 late 2010s 2021 there's a clear enough disparity with anyone else riding the bike that you can say clearly the rider is making the difference/it's an unrideable wreck one guy is making respectable, then there's a few seasons where it's at least very close whose machinery is best or they're fighting with people on equal equipment, which pecco has done! but generally speaking, good/promising riders end up on good bikes and then they win. that's how the game works!
the thing about 2022 is that it had such a massive mid-season swing that overhauling a ninety something point margin cannot come down to any single factor. is it fair to say fabio lost that title? on balance, it's a bit harsh - yes, there were a few too many errors post-sachsenring, yes, some were driven by desperation, but also you can't really expect anyone to ride a flawless season. but pecco did win that title as much as yamaha lost it. I don't care if you're riding a literal rocketship with two wheels, you can't win four races in a row if you're not extremely good at what you do! if we're saying that title was worth less because the yamaha turned to shit in the second half of the season, then let's keep going. let's put an asterisk next to 2013 because jorge and dani both got injured (let's not even get into the 'if marc hadn't been injured' asterisks because that's where you get into truly silly territory). is 2006 not a legit title because of all the bad luck valentino faced that year? let's say all titles between 2007 to 2015 were worth less because at any one time only 4-6 bikes had a realistic chance of winning races. throw out any title before 2009 because they were constantly fucking about with the tyres and there wasn't a level playing field. if you're motivated enough, you can play this game with basically anything, but it's dumb and pointless because that's not how sports works! you can only win against whoever you're facing. it has always been thus and it will always be thus
it's narratively fun and juicy that pecco has these insecurities himself - but within the context of everyone else doing discourse over it, the whole thing is massively overblown! linked to some of the worst sports discourse about how much people love to disparage late bloomers, because they need every single successful athlete to fit the same mould of the ultra-talented wunderkind, apparently. it's more interesting when it's not always the most 'talented' (whatever tf that means), naturally gifted, *fast the second he touches a bike* bloke who wins. sometimes they have to work hard for it, sometimes they have to improve themselves year on year and be smart about how they do it, sometimes they have to be in the right place and right time, sometimes they have to be very lucky. sports is all about competition, and competition is all about contrast. it's a contrast that can be generated in a whole lot of ways, and in fairness to motogp they have come up with a bunch of interesting narratively tense contests that don't rely on a massive fundamental 'talent' differential - but at the end of the day, that's one of the best ones you can have! the more ways you can have to win in any given sport, the better, both in the literal sense of how you go about the actual process of winning and how you even become a winner. none of this means that pecco isn't very very good, it means he got there in a different way than every other multiple champ this century has. it fundamentally flattens the sport if you want every top-level competitor to be an alien-level talent... one of the best things about this current era is that it has given us something new and exciting in that regard, where you well and truly believe some very different blokes might have what it takes to eventually be champion
anyway, pecco is absurdly adept at digging himself into holes and absurdly adept at digging himself out of them. he's one of the worst frontrunners imaginable in every sense, biologically incapable of dominating without at least a perpetual hint of jeopardy, both in the context of a race and a season. but when his back is against the wall, somehow he keeps finding performances you never imagined he was capable of. his mixed up and slightly odd skillset, his strengths and weaknesses, how he's better and worse than he has any right to be... all of it lends itself to perpetual momentum shifts and thrilling seasons - because you never quite know what you're going to get. love him or hate him, he's a gift to the overall competitive landscape! god knows the racing hasn't been much to write home about these last few years (though, yes, we did have a good little run this season), but somehow he's managed to get himself involved in two out of the six title deciders this century back-to-back. is that not the dream for the viewer, to have a bloke at the top of the sport with a little self-combust chip in his head every time he builds too much of an advantage? build a hundred of those guys! throw a marc marquez at him and see what he does! I can't wait to see what he'll come up with next
#this is a rant in the truest sense of the word that i didn't structure or edit this and wrote it in one go#to be clear this is ZERO comment on people vibing or not vibing with him as a human being. idc!! this is about competition!!#i've accidentally ended up in a place with this sport where i HAPPEN to like some absurdly talented freaks#who were disgustingly dominant. which means i have now stumbled into a fan space filled with people who are really into dominance#not my vibe!! at all!! two of my favourite valentino seasons are 2006 and 2015. 2015 is also one of my fave marc seasons#not gonna say what my fave casey seasons are bc it feels a bit like kicking a puppy when it's down but well it's not the title winning ones#want marc to suffer a normal amount!! it's all about putting these guys in situations... if you're just talented and successful who CAREEES#i loveeeeeee athletes who self sabotage..... love how for pecco building confidence is really a Project like it isn't natural!!#and good lord don't get me about team orders discourse. you'd think he had seven ducati riders holding his hands#a little bit of corruption is good sometimes... adds narrative spice#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#'loves 2006 and heart rate easily clears 100 every time marc marquez does anything in a race' perhaps the world's worst rossi fan?#reverse is true too tbf but at least that contradiction feels fundamental to the full marc marquez experience#current tag
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- No, this is one duel I refuse to lose! -
#“I'm staying by your side!” and I cry all my tears#“I won't let you leave me!” and the tears just don't stop#“I want to linger in this moment... but I have a mission!” I'm desperate about them#Yuma fought so fiercely to save Astral from his fate#he fought with all himself to keep Astral with him#he used everything he had learned from Astral and the duels fought at his side to find another ending for them#the way Yuma proclaimed that he would stay at Astral's side#He was holding on to every hope to save Astral (and Utopia symbolized that same hope)#and you can see so clearly the determination and the desperation of Yuma#it's in his expression it's in his words he wouldn't have let Astral die no matter what#even if that meant defeat Astral#even though Astral's mission had the purpose of protecting their worlds Yuma wouldn't have leave him sacrifice himself#The line about how the memories of the duels they had fought together has become Yuma's flesh and blood#is just like what Yuma had said in ep 48#but here Yuma is screaming all at this to Astral#I love these two too much#and yet they make my heart cries#they wanted to stay together but their fate was already decided and just one of them has accepted that (although with sadness)#I want them to be happy#This duel destroys me every time I read it#Now excuse me as I go to cry in a corner because of these panels#astral zexal#astral yugioh#yuma tsukumo#zexal#yugioh zexal#yu gi oh zexal#ygo zexal#zexal manga#zexal manga spoiler
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Eddie knowing asl because Wayne is HoH, so when Steve starts having hearing difficulties the Munson takes him under their wing.
Steve has now a healthy parent figure and good representation of disabled people, giving him inner peace.
#hoh Wayne came in a conversation with my bestie and now i hold it close to my heart#just imagine Wayne teaching Steve asl while they take breakfast and Eddie is exclusively teaching him bad words#wayne munson#eddie munson#steve harrington#steddie#not really implied but you should know by now every post i do is steddie#hoh steve harrington#hoh wayne munson
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my s class hunters does a really good job at gradually raising the stakes without feeling like a pointless power creep and keeping me extremely invested and i keep saying this but I really do think it's bc it's a story grounded in love at every turn... the bond between the han brothers especially is extremely compelling and beautiful and makes me feel like a knife is being stabbed into my heart and twisted all around... i love them so so much 😞💔❤️🩹❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
#(another tweet liveblog that im crossposting here)#im up to ep 102 in the webtoon now btw!!!#s class liveblog#also it took a while for yj to completely grow on me (i always liked/loved him but it's prob bc they#lightened the tone of his chara or w/e as ppl were saying... in the beginning at least#that ive been holding off calling him a 'fav' (im kinda picky w protags/have side chara liking syndrome...#even w twsb i didnt rly start biasing yeseo until i read the novel... cedric was my 1st bias#(and w orv ive only read (part of) the webtoon and yjh is my bias so mdnfn)#(i rly loved yj from the 1st few ch tho but yea i can kinda tell the webtoon lightened his chara a lot... not that i think its all bad bc#its been fun to read at least dkfbdn)#but now that im further in im just like... wow. he's such an incredible character and protagonist. wow#def as good of a protagonist as kdj (and i personally like him better bc he's a big brother HHHHHNG.#i love him just like i love jung yeseo...#i love him SO much. he's just incredible#and yea dont tell me about the novel bc im going to read it myself but#yeah i rly cant wait to experience his original characterization and get intimately aquainted w his narration/internal thoughts...#REITERATING...DONT SPOIL ME ANYTHING FR#also just more abt the webtoon but... biwan-nim is SOOO good at drawing expressions & portraying emotions#i fucking feel every emotion that yj feels and it fucking breaks my heart and makes me cry uuuaaaghh T___T#yoojin.... TT__TT💔💔💔#also god he's just... so fucking COOL. and not just in like a cool savvy protag kinda way#(bc usually i kinda sleep when protags r like. Too cool/op skfjksdj but he's not like that at all)#i mean as a person... he's so incredibly... oughhh#as a person... as a big brother... T__T...#i cant even put it into words. he's just... i love him so much. it hurts.... im so deeply invested and rooting for him at every step...#he and yoohyun deserve the whole world i really hope they can get their happy ending together T_T💔💔💔❤️🔥 please...
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SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, TELL ME I'M RIGHT! AND LET THE SUN RAIN DOWN ON ME! GIVE ME A SIGN, I WANNA BELIEVE!
#heart art!#adventure forward#af2#how do. i tag thisss#uhmmmm#cyalm#claud#celesteal#mayor blueband#invertigo#yeah that works. i Guess#anyways. i can make up so many things about characters that arent canon#maybe ar some point i will put my ideas into words. but not today#nono. instead you get Vague Whiteboard Fox Drawings#anyways. everytime i think about how badly cyalm fucked up every single person they met an angel gets their wings#actually. i should post my sillier whiteboard doodles as well. hold on chat
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i don't want to post here today can you guys just watch aventurine bidding farewell to his past self
#look at the child you used to be. tattered and worn but so full of love and hope for a better tomorrow#you decided your luck is a curse because it's kept you alive and you stopped valuing life when you lost your sister#you keep trying to gamble it away. and you win every bet every time#and yet... your hands shake and you secretly fear you'll lose with every new gamble#riddle me that kakavasha.#you were never as ready to give up as you convinced yourself you were#your family gave up everything... so You could live. and try as you might you never actually wanted to squander those sacrifices#set down your cards and throw away all your bargaining chips#pay no mind to the black hole at the end of everything. it's time you learned to value your life again#this world is precious. the emanator of nihility said so herself. hold her words close to your heart#and when you come out on the other side of it all... free of the IPC's chains. i hope you learn to see it all anew#my stomach hurts
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Continuously telling myself that my heart is good, that the way I love will be celebrated one day rather than tolerated, that one day someone will come along who will meet me exactly where I am and in all the ways I need without making me feel like it’s wrong to ask for that.
Continuously telling myself that my heart is good even if someone didn’t know how to hold it well, that for the right people I am not too much, that what I have to say is welcomed with a listening ear even when I’m irrational and overly emotional.
Continuously telling myself my heart is good, with a hand clutched to my chest, I am good I am good I am good, echoing with its beating. I will tell myself my heart is good I am good I am not too much for someone who has the space for me.
I am good my heart is good. I do not have to be hard I do not need to make myself small I do not have to clutch my heart so tight it aches with all the love left unexpressed. My heart is good and one day the goodness in my heart will feel safe enough to be held by hands other than my own.
#mine#text post#late night thoughts#words#One day I won’t feel like I am a problem for expressing any part of myself no matter how unsavory it may be#one day someone will see all of me the good and the bad the lovely and not so lovable and still choose to hold my heart with tenderness#until then I will continue to hold it in the safety of a tightened fist and call it self preservation#one day every single part of will be allowed to show up without someone flinching at my too muchness#poetry#vulnerable post#we’re in our feelings tonight and I will not apologize for it
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Sam Spade vs Philip Marlowe
Learn the difference:
Both
Iconic hard-boiled detectives from the 30-40ies
Drink and smoke waaay too much for one human being
Sharp, tough boys
Smartasses, too snarky for their own good
Don’t get along with the police
Lone wolves
Played by Bogart in movie adaptations
Sam Spade
Created by Dashiell Hammet, hero of the Maltese Falcon and other short stories
Smooth, charming, polite
Almost always in control
Keeps his head cool, a little cold
The third-person narration hides most of his thoughts and emotions to the reader
You’re not so sure about his morals (or if he has some) before the end
Solves the case even if there wasn’t really a case to begin with
Straight, sort of loves one (1) woman
Dashiell Hammet's style is cold, precise, eloquent yet simple, perfect
Philip Marlowe
Created by Raymond Chandler (fan of Hammet), figures in many novels and short stories
Begrudgingly stuck with morals
Has more compassion and emotions than he wishes
Heartbroken and tired
Worst luck ever
Gives very few fucks about what people thinks about him, including his clients
Homophobic repressed bi disaster; will thirst after any bad woman or man in his way, might fall in love with troubled women or men who are kinda nice to him
The first-person narration will show each of his thoughts in detail to the reader
Overpowered, outnumbered, constantly beaten up, drugged and/or kidnapped by half the city in every novel
Solves the case even if 50% of the characters die before the end and himself barely survives
Chandler's style is messy and should not work but will actually haunt you
In an actual fight: Marlowe would have the biggest crush on Spade, so Sam would win. Hope that clears things up.
#philip marlowe#sam spade#noir detective#listen#Philip Marlowe is not OFFICIALLY bisexual but how much subtext do we need before it becomes text#He pines after a guy for a whole 120 000 words novel (The Long Goodbye)#describes half the men he meets in the horniest way (in every one of his novels)#melts when a pretty guy tenderly holds his hand because he's scared (Farewell my Lovely)#asks to be buried in a box because “Did you know that worms are of both sexes and that any worm can love any other worm ?” (The Big Sleep)#I stand my case and will die on that hill.#Anyway I love the Maltese Falcon it's amazing#but Marlowe got my heart
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decided to do nano this year! despite the fact that i will be! perhaps! the most busy! in november!! but i am DETERMINED to try and finish the owl house daemon au this year goddamnit i wanna be DONE!!! i want to be free!!!! its been eight million years!!
#chatter#btw finishing it this year is a long shot lol#like i thiiiiink nano will be enough to finish off for the future#(based on what i have + length of thanks to them +50k words sounds about right)#but that means i have december to write watching and dreaming and whatever the epilogue will be which seems#well not likely to say the least. unless i take like two weeks and write like 6k+ every single day which is#possible?? like ive done it before but its not fun lol#at the very least im on track to finish it early next year so. i can hold onto that <3#ONE DAY I WILL BE FREE AND I WILL POST IT#AND YES IT WILL GET MAYBE LIKE TEN LOYAL READERS#BUT I WILL LOVE THOSE READERS WITH ALL MY HEART#screaming. sobbing. okay time to get back to plotting
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messy sketch but. them. :)
@hibernationsuit — 💕💖💕💖🥺💖💕💖💕
HELLOOO??? I AM SQUEALING!! LOOK AT THEM!!!! I am on the floor sobbing rn hello my friend I love you with my whole heart!!!!!!!!
#EVERYONE IS LEGALLY REQUIRED TO LOOK AT THIS#HOW DO I WORDS I HAVE NO WORDS#I am beaming so many heart and sparkle emojis directly into your mind rn like hello!!!!#you made this FOR MEEE????#sobbing what did I do to deserve this kindness ily ilysm thank you I am going to stare at this literally all day long#holding them so gently in my hands looking at them w tear filled eyes#words are hard but know I literally have the biggest cheesiest grin ever on my face rn I'm so surprised and delighted!!!!!!!#I love them I love them sm!! look at them!!!!!!! hello!!!!!!!!!!!! my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#you are literally such a treasure this has brightened my day so much I'm so serious ohmygosh thank you fr I'm so aaaaaaaaaaa#THEY'RE JUST SO CUUUUUTE#PICTURES TAKEN MOMENTS BEFORE A DIVINE FEAST#looking so respectfully#I'm incapable of shutting up rn I am truly incapable I can never stop screaming abt this this is my favorite thing ever rn#ur so good to me how do I ever thank you enough for being so lovely and wonderful every day????#blowing you so many kisses rn so so much love to you so so much goodness to you now and always#okay okay I need to stop writing tags but the love in my heart is ongoing rn I am in SHAMBLES!!!!!#friend art#faith and max#captain of the unreliable#literally on my hands and knees rn#banging my fists on the table#I'M IN LOVE IMMMM IMMMM (getting restrained and pulled away so I stop screaming my heart out)
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I would love to have a sleeping pattern and be able to close my eyes and fall asleep easily every night. I would have such a good routine if it weren’t for that persistent existential dread
#last night I was falling asleep and I literally woke up almost in tears#because I felt like I needed to hold my cat and tell her I love her until she understood English#and then I got sad that she’ll never actually know what I’m saying or the weight of my words#then I started thinking about how quickly time is passing and my heart started racing too much to sleep#it’s very cool and totally healthy I’m sure that this happens every night
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Christine, the way i didn’t fully register that you had already finished one lofi phantasy gifset And started another one!! But i fully agree, the Spotify layout is too good not to use again! i admire your dedication!!
CALLLL ;—; i’m a puddle of goo rn sjffs you’re always so sweet and thoughtful omgg, thank you so much!!! it rlly means a lot 😭😭🧡
#like your kind words always leave me a crying mess on the floor and they rlly mean so much !! i hold them dear to my heart every time ;-;#like i rlly can’t thank u enough so pls know i’m thanking you a million billion times sjdfss 💗💖💕💖💗💕💞💖💖#and hope you have the loveliest day!!
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Ngl bad parents give me such an ick like stay tf away from me ew
#this cousin of mine has twins#twin boys#and while i sort of understand why she is the way she is with them#i realy cant wrap my head completely around it#because well#its such blind idiot stupid fucking BAD behaviour especially for a mother was especially towards her children#especially when theyre twins and youre so blatantly partial the favoured one KNOWS hes favoured#like. she has absolutely ruined her second boy and absolutely cannot handle him and yet slaps him every chance she gets#doesnt listen to him refuses to indulge him even the least bit shows zero affection and ive been here three days and man can i see#that child is fucking parched for affection specifically from him mother because he is neglected#he knows he is neglected#he is scared shitless of her and acts out of his way to get any attention he can because that is the only time his mother will hold him#be it with sharp fingers and a hold that digs into his skin#theyre literally just 5 years old#the neglected child i a fucking dream come true. is already smart as FUCK#does anything you tell him to do RIGHT THAT SECOND#the only flaw is that he doesnt listen when anyone tells him not to do something which isnt even a flaw for fucks sake#thats a fucking child hes gonna ASK#and you shout at him and dont amswer him and when he keeps asking you hit him#my heart fucking cries man#the other one knows his mother favours him and despises his brother and that evil fucker (i know its not his fault) lies#and gets his brother hit and then fucking TEASES HIM ABOUT IT THREATENS HIM LATER ON LIKE I AM SO DISGUSTED#HOW MUCH OF AN AWFUL PARENT DO YOU HAVE TO BE FOR YOUR KIDS TO BE AWARE OF HOW TO MANIPULATE YOU AT THE AGE OF FUCKING FIVE#F I V E (5).#they. are. FIVE.#i seriously want to keep him to myself because she will ruin him#and whats more disgusting is when shes getting him to do stuff shes all like “baby do this” and the moment hes back and standing close she#pushes him away? looks at him disgusted? says “why do you bother me so much”??????#that is child is the most fucking neglected child ive ever seen and seriously man why does this happen and why do I HAVE TO WITNESS IT#the favoured one is pure evil and NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING TO HIM HES DUMB ASF CANT EVEN WRITE ONE WORD WITHOUT DYING DOES NOTHING DOESNT LISTEN
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why is I love you so easy to say but so hard to hear?
#like#it's okay if I say it#it's fine it's whatever (i say casually as if i dont put my whole heart into it whenever i say i love someone or something)#but when it's said to me?#there's a sting#an ache#like a dull blade being forced into my side#it's honestly pathetic#but nowadays i cry when someone says they love me#it's beautiful and i hold each and every time i hear those words close to my heart#but that doesn't make it hurt any less#vent#it's late#I'm tired#and my throat hurts from crying#goodnight#I'll see you tomorrow#...#I love you
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none of yall get my own private idaho like i do
#i <3 my own private idaho#that movie doesnt even make me cry. it reaches into my heart and holds onto a deep ache thats unexplainable by words#the campfire scene is an experience that rips through me every time#its so hard to explain the plot cuz its more like a story morphed out of the most personal feelings youve ever felt#idek if this makes sense im tired and Unwell#ghoul groans
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