#every time i see an item description that says smth like

[spursthatjinglejanglejingle]

[donnerpartyofone]

One of the worse types of intrusive thoughts is like, when someone says something wrong and/or annoying and your brain won't stop coming up with ways to correct them even though there is no pressing reason to do so and in fact you might seem insane if you insist on it. MONTHS ago I was having this conversation with my husband and my dad, both of whom are very aesthetically keen (like professionally so), where we were talking about physical description in prose and when it tends to make writing worse. We generally agreed that if a character's exact appearance isn't that relevant to the plot then it's excessive to keep harping on facial and bodily details, and doing so is usually the province of pulp and romance genres; it's kind of porny to do that, basically, and it can undermine whatever else your point is. I admitted that I happen to have trouble with names of esoteric clothing items, and I find that the revered Haruki Murakami is guilty of (among other things) making these crazy wardrobe itemizations that to me read like "He wore a waffle weave jersey beneath a mauve linen tunic under a navy Marino wool jumper beneath a periwinkle windbreaker under a camelhair duster" and on and on and I'm like, do I need to know all this, I might need to look some of this up, is this fucking important? And then as if to agree with me, the men started pounding the podium about how they don't understand any common descriptions of people's faces. First up was the "heart-shaped face" and I'm like OK, that may sound a little abstract but if you literally drew a heart with eyes and then drew a wig on top, you would probably start thinking of people you've seen with pointed chins and broad foreheads and soft jawlines and stuff. But then they both started angrily insisting that they have no idea what "high cheekbones" are and it was like, yes you fucking do. That's like the #1 most desirable facial feature in at-least the west. Every single fashion model has them. Almost every single person you see on TV has them except for like comic relief characters who don't have to be attractive. The description itself identifies the geometry and even the length of the face perfectly well, there's no metaphor in place like a "heart" or whatever. You fucking know what high cheekbones are, you're just doing that thing where you've tricked yourself into bragging about ignorance (a very American thing I must say) and you're coming dangerously close to the territory of classic lies like "I'm so straight I have no idea what an attractive man even LOOKS like!" Don't fucking say you don't know what high cheekbones are. Actually both of you have them and you're probably pleased with them, so STOP LYING.

Next time on "I can't handle when people don't know things": My friend (b. 1981) who is obsessed with 80s hip hop especially novelty songs claims that he has never heard or heard OF "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie; my pop culture nostalgia nerd friend (b. 1983) who I've seen in like Count Chocula tee shirts claims he doesn't know what a Crunchberry is; and finally, my old coworker (b. 1990 or smth idk) who insisted that he had never heard of a valentine and doesn't know what one is even though someone else in the room confirmed that he went to a primary school where they were all forced to exchange them in class. All you guys STOP FUCKING LYING!!!

[videogametako]

indie stuff: boardland

cute dice board game. link here:

https://store.steampowered.com/app/2735620/BoardLand/

[this game is completely free]

the music and art set the really cozy vibe of the game

this type of tutorial is kinda great, works really well for a turn-based game. lacks a bit of flair and flavor but i like how straightforward it is

cute sitting sprite

oh hey, it was published on my birthday

overview

boardland is a turn-based combat dice- board- game where you fight monsters. it's a pretty short game, i got through one run and credits rolling in 30~ minutes, but seems the monsters might be randomized for every playthrough? gonna check again just to be sure.

there's uh not really any story as far as i can tell, so let's just get to the

mechanics

combat takes place entirely on this board. you can upgrade it by using dice while on a tile, sometimes changing the base action of the tile (fire > attack, earth > defense, water > heal). it's got roguelite elements too so, it's what you'd expect, items and blessings. potions aren't too difficult to come by, and a playthrough is short enough that you can be liberal in using them

a player turn consists of you moving, then taking dice actions. you can only use multiple dice on a tile if they're in increasing order (2 > 3 > 4, for instance), otherwise, you have to move to use another action. you draw 5 dice every turn, and leftover dice are discarded. sometimes it seems you can use an action dice at the start of your turn immediately, but sometimes you can't..? i'm a bit confused but it might be dependent on whether you used an action last turn or not

now, by using a set number of dice, you can level up a base tile to upgrade it (its 3 dice for the first level up). this gives you bonus actions, and synergizes with the elemental dice you can find sometimes. this gives you a way to customize your board depending on your playstyle and build.

additionally, every other turn a random event occurs. you have to land on the tile to activate 'em. same goes with curses that enemies sometimes do. if something on the board only needs you to make contact with it, it'll say in the description (like enemy spawns)

the game punishes you for taking too long by giving most (if not all) enemies a passive that increases their stats every 10 turns. this did not become an issue for me (except for that one tedious round where i got to 10 turns because i kept messing up my actions)

you can get buffs and debuffs too. there was one where i was supposedly able to use two dice on one tile or smth, but it was either poorly worded or broken bc i could never proc it. there's a confusion debuff that sometimes makes you move backwards too. the main way to get debuffs on enemies is by using elemental dice on their corresponding tile

OH i completely missed the reroll mechanic, you can spend gold to reroll one of your dice, kinda handy, i suppose? gold is rarely used anyway

aesthetics

this game is pretty slow paced, not to say it can't get challenging, and while i'm more of a fan of faster games, i found this one to be relaxing to play. i'm gonna do one more run before finishing this up.

the music is extremely cozy. even when a bit frustrated, i couldn't find myself getting too worked up, i like it

i enjoy the artstyle as well, the monsters and the player character all have a soft and charming vibe about them (except that frog in berserk mode, pictured earlier, i like that too). very cute!

misc

gimmick fight, i respect it.

another gimmick fight, the reroll mechanic is especially useful here if you wanna fight more efficiently, especially since the opponent just sits there until the tiles get locked (i died bc i didn't realize my health was too low (oh, you can load up the autosave and retry, neat))

closing thoughts

i could honestly see myself spending a lot of time on a fully fleshed out adventure mode for this game. i'm super engaged by the mechanics, and with a bit more content there's room for a lot of strategy in this kind of game. different board lengths, branching paths, character skills.

i already enjoy board-based games a ton (stuff a la mario party or 100% orange juice) and also dice as cards in games (die in the dungeon, is the most recent and only example to come to mind (i haven't played library of ruina yet) i should write about that, i enjoyed the demo and i need the full game) so this game is very much my thing

if the game sounded like fun, give it a try, it is completely free

[slutt4ellie]

Outlawed Romance

masterslist

Breaking the rules seemed all too easy with her..

Summary -> It’s 1868 and you’ve ran in with one of your childhood best friends, while rekindling your friendship it starts to become clear that’s not all the two of you are.

Warnings -> ONE SHOT. / Sheriff!Ellie / Forbidden love troupe bc it’s sooo good 😞 / Reader has a husband / Western lingooo / Alcohol usage / Blood / Description of injuries / Kissing / Cheating / Both Reader and Ellie haven’t done anything with girls (trying to be realistic!! not tryna baby them or smth.) / Homophobia / Mentions of death / Angst / Fingering (E and R!receiving) / Mentions of forcing (swear it’s nothing serious!) / (Lmk if I missed anything else!)

WC: 10k

(Semi proofread!!)

Thinking back to before. Everything seemed so normal.

- -

1868

The sun was crashing on your forehead as you sat outside the general store waiting for those doors to finally open, hearing horses hoofs hitting the hot dried dirt was starting to get repetitive and in all honesty, annoying.

The day was already to long, you were out early in the morning, set to buy some items for your house which was lacking some fresh new food.

Your eyes quickly caught sights of a green pair, immediately understanding those could only belong to one woman’s.

Ellie’s eyes.

“How ya doin’?” She chimes sat promptly on her horse. One hand holding tightly onto the saddles horn, subconsciously making sure her grip is enough to hold her.

“I’m okay- just waiting out here for Mr. Rivington to open the doors” You smile back at her, referring to the store owner. Oliver Rivington.

Yours and Ellie’s friendship was nothing from new.

You both grew up in the same area, both of your fathers being screwed at the hip allowing yours and Ellie’s friendship to sprout.

It wasn’t till your father got sick where Ellie’s dad pulled back a little, you’d like to think it was nothing out of resentment. Some people grow apart that’s all.

And unfortunately that’s what also happened with you and Ellie. Because even though you’re both on good terms and every time the both of you see each other it rarely goes without interacting, you truly weren’t as close as before.

And you don’t spite her for that. Because if anything you pulled back a bit more as you both grew up.

It really just happened since you were no longer forced in close proximity with her. You and Ellie weren’t similar.

“Ah- I see then.” She nods before picking back up her words. “Surely waiting out here can’t be to fun? Would you care to join me for a drink in the saloon” She ask, despite the length you are apart you notice how her teeth tugs in her bottom lip, something she does when she’s nervous.

“As much fun as that seems, quite busy today? James has me out running errands.” You sigh out, dragging you hand to swipe across your sweaty forehead.

James was your husband, it wasn’t your choice but he wasn’t the worst man. At least compared to the others you’ve seen that is. Either way, say you had a choice being with him would not be on your list.

You can tell he’s also not to fond of the marriage, you assume he sees you as a weight. Shackles which are tied to his ankle. He used to get around, at least that’s what people around town talk about. Either way you disregard it.

Not like you can pull back, leaving him and moving far away wasn’t in the playbook.

She only nods in response, getting out a few words in the process. “Drink can’t hurt?” She smiles.

You probably shouldn’t, you have a long day and the last thing you need is James yelling at you because you “Took to long” which would be nothing from new.

He wasn’t always the happiest person in the world to say the least.

But as Ellie looks at you, you start to cave. One drink truly can’t hurt. Catching up with your childhood best friend, it sounded enticing.

“You tryin’ to get me is trouble Miss Williams?” You smile and stand up. Tilting your head as if you’re questioning her. Knowing your decision has already been made.

“Never Ma’am? Just simply puttin’ out a suggestion.” She smiles right back at you, tilting her head in the direction the saloon, only being a tiny walk over.

“Then i’m sold I suppose.” You smile. Feet moving on their own to start to walk in the direction.

Getting there took less then a minute, the longer process being as Ellie hops off her horse to tie it outside, making eye contact with you once again.

Ellie pushes past the doors finding a spot pushed up against the bar. You follow after her sitting down watching as she gets you both a drink.

“So…” She pushes your drink in your direction before bringing her own to her lips, dosing a quick swig “Tell me about yourself, seeing as we haven’t had a proper conversation in awhile.” She ask.

You can only shrug in response. “I wanna say nothin’ you don’t already know. I’m sure not as interesting as you law stories.” You chuckle bringing your drink to your lips.

“Please-“ She shakes her head, waving her hand dismissively. “Im sure your stories are just as interesting.”

You smile and shrug “Made lemonade this morning?” You chuckle. “Living up to your expectations?” You ask joking around with her.

“I’m intrigued!” Ellie jokes hand cuffing her drink once again as she brings it up to her lips, green eyes not leaving yours in the process.

“What about you miss sheriff?” You ask your smile not fading.

“I might just quit if that stays my nickname.” Ellie chuckles looking at you. “And just like you, nothin’ you don’t hear about.”

“Husband?” You ask.

“No.” She quickly responds, having her eyes trail down, you see Ellie build up a guard, it happens quickly but definitely isn’t ignored from you.

Yet before you could mention it she’s already talking.

“James, how’s he?” She questions.

Ellie is aware of your marriage, not like you’d have to hide it, or really like you could hide it? If you’re honest she had to be one of the first to hear about it. You were still young when you were married and yours and Ellie’s friendship hadn’t hit the point where you rarely talked.

Ellie was actually one of the first to know. And when you told her she wasn’t secretive about the dislike to him. Saying that he’s a pig. Telling you about the different stories she’s heard from girls around town.

She tried to convince you to deny it, tell your dad to find some different guy that would be sure to waltz in. Knowing you got a lot of attention from then men around town.

But even if you wanted to, your dad wanted a man to be able to care for you when he’d reach those doors, the ones which were death.

And unfortunately, after falling ill, he was just about there.

So the decision wasn’t changing. Not when James and his family had money which would guarantee that your life would be set.

Especially when his health was drastically getting worse.

“He’s okay, tomorrow he’s headed off for the mountains.” You nod.

Ellie looks at you and nods. “Oh yeah? And why’s that?” She questions taking the last sips of her drinks, waiting for your response in the process. 

“To sleep outside apparently- that’s what i’ve got from him.” You say. Trying to ignore the clear dissatisfaction in the fact he doesn’t share much with you.

“Families well off. No?” She questions, eyes continuing to look at you. Ellie assumed there hunting for money, having big animals like bear and moose being up around those parts.

“Think it’s some manly bonding thing with his father. Not for the money.” You joke looking at her.

“Oh, as always.” Ellie smiles right back you.

Soon your eyes trail to the bottom of the glass, seeing that it’s now empty causes you to frown. The conversation was nice but you were behind due to this little side quest with Ellie. And you had to be soon returning back home to make some food for James.

So you bid Ellie a smile and sigh out. “Well I should be goin’…early mornin’ and I feel i’ll be having a late night.” You nod towards Ellie, thankful for the drink she ending up buying for you.

“Shame- we should do it again, maybe can swing by your place tomorrow?..” She looks at you. It’s random to say the least.

You and Ellie have gone a few years with just little back and forths, and not that they were bad, detouring you from meeting up with her. It’s just you and Ellie are now grown, no longer living in your kid fantasy. So her wanting to meet up was random.

“It’s a hassle, the house is off trail. The last thing i’d want you to be doing is riding at night.” You say. Hoping maybe Ellie will get the little memo.

“It’s fine. Swear by it.” Ellie doesn’t get it.

So you comply.

“Okay- maybe after the sun falls below the horizon, James will be gone by-“ You start, not before Ellie’s voice laps yours.

“After sun goes down- okay!” She smiles. 

You weren’t sure if she was going to show, the sun was far below the horizon at this point.

James had left early in the morning, not waiting for you to get up to give you a proper goodbye. But then again.

Waking up without his dent in the mattress wasn’t horrible.

So now you feel like you’re a sitting duck. Waiting to see if the auburn hair girl really does show. Which was starting to seem like it wasn’t going to happen.

It had to be an hour past sun down, and now as you wait you’re starting to feel extremely fucking stupid. Your legs moved themselves standing up to get out of the chair you’ve unfortunately got comfortable in.

The chair had your tiredness slowly start to creep on the sidelines, your eyes growing heavy. So you feel like biting the bullet will be a bit easier. You’re a few seconds from sliding down your dress when you hear a pair of knocks.

You knew it was Ellie, there’s never people who go off trail to meet your little home. So you just sigh out. “Ellie best you get goin’, I’m headin’ to sleep any minute now” You close your eyes while still standing, hoping you hear the sound of her horse galloping away, a sign she’s gone.

But no.

“Can I come in?” She sighs. “Please?..” It’s followed by a long silence, Ellie on the grasp of giving up, but then she hears your door open and both of your eyes meeting.

You weren’t excepting the sight of Ellie. I mean you didn’t have something in mind, but to see her face having dried blood and her eye a dark purple.

That wasn’t even in the picture?

“The fuck- what happened?” You say helping her inside your home.

“Law stories” She smiles, calling back to the conversation inside the saloon. Yet you weren’t laughing because you were actually fucking worried.

You find yourself grabbing a rag and going to get water out of the bucket planted inside the kitchen. “Don’t joke.” You look at her rubbing the rag down Ellie’s face.

“Yes Ma’am” Ellie jokes closing her eyes as the cloth drags along her face. “Just a couple of men came down to Mr. Rivingtons store, waving there guns like a couple of fools.” She sighs out.

“And you did what, run head first into them?” You joke rubbing the cloth lightly against her bruised eye.

“No-“ Ellie chuckles opening her eyes. “But they were dealt with, so nothin’ to worry about” Ellie shakes her head.

After a long silence, you mainly trying to figure out what “Dealt with” meant Ellie finally speaks once again.

“My face clean?” She looks at you.

Ellie’s face had to be clean a solid minute ago, it just happened to…blank on you.!

You quickly nod backing up and going into the kitchen. The fresh water now turning dirty due to Ellie’s beaten up arrival.

Dreading for the morning where you’ll have to run over to the well to collect fresh water.

Ellie talks from the living room. “You’ve never invited me to your place y’know?” Ellie says, the tone has something hidden, maybe a tinge of sadness. You’re not fully able to read it..

“You never asked?” You reply sheepishly from the kitchen cleaning off your hands, making sure there’s now no more grime.

“Once you got that husband of yours- we never hanged out much. You know if i’m being honest.” Ellie says clearing her throat.

And now the tone is easily recognizable as jealously, yet you couldn’t pin why she was feeling jealously.

Maybe it was the fact she didn’t have a husband yet.

But Ellie was pretty, so understanding why she didn’t. You never understood it, she was capable, she just fucking didn’t.

“No one ever stopped you from coming down here Ellie.” You say turning your head to look at her from the kitchen. “You’re always welcomed, you know that.” You say.

“Fair.” Ellie says and looks at you from the kitchen.

There’s so much undoubtable tension now. She doesn’t seem like the Ellie you remember, which wasn’t shocking. You’re both old now. But the way she’s talking about you and your husband almost seems condescending.

Ellie senses she should’ve thought about her word choice a bit more. Making the quick decision to nervously stand up and starts making her way towards you. “Sorry-“ She starts.

You just shake you head and smile. “Don’t apologize- sure you meant no harm from it.” You clear your throat spitting out your next sentence to clear the awkwardness. “Do you want a drink or-“ You ask your eyes shifting to your hands.

Ellie smiles and nods. “Please- thank you” She says, eyes watching as you pour her a glass of what seems like whiskey.

You hand her the drink watching as Ellie takes it, she takes a quick swig. “You alright there?” Ellie questions looking at you.

“Oh yeah” You shake you head before looking down. You move your body once more, grabbing a glass pouring yourself a drink.

“Sorry my patchin’ up skills aren’t the best” You chuckle easing the previous awkwardness, then turning your head to get a good look at Ellie’s cuts.

“Better then what I would’ve done.” Ellie smiles and shakes her head, emphasizing your job was more then okay. “I would’ve just let them sit.” Ellie smiles.

“What- Ellie you can’t just let cuts sit? You could get sick.” And it was true. There’s been many infections from open wounds. Despite them being small. And the worry Ellie might have that fate did worry you.

She nods. “I’ll just swing by over here every time I need assistance” She chuckles looking at you.

“Doctors are sure to be better then me.” You chuckle.

Ellie shrugs and just looks at you. “Your company will make up for it.” Ellie sighs out. Eyes still Inattentively watching you.

You smile and look at her. “What are you thinkin’ about?” You question, her eyes nervously peeling to the wall behind you.

“Nothin’, honest!” But Ellie definitely wasn’t being honest with you, not even one fucking bit.

Ellie couldn’t remember a time she wasn’t fond of you, since she was a kid you caught her attention. It was pathetic in all honesty, it should’ve ended when you got married. But it just didn’t..

It was making it impossible for her to get out of this loop.

Ellie knew it was gross and messed up. She should have had eyes for the multiple men rested in Redwater. (The town you and her grew up in)

But none of them hit the boxes you did.

it’s like she couldn’t help falling in love.

If Ellie could call it that, if anything she may have been a slight bit infatuated, knowing those feelings were not reciprocated, and never will be..

But it didn’t matter when you two would talk.

Because in love, or infatuated. Talking to you was worth it.

When you two slowly fell apart Ellie found herself a little lost. Not sure if trying to save the friendship would work, or maybe it would just have her come off too strong or pushy. So she didn’t try.

She watched, of more so heard you got married. Refusing to show up to the wedding. Telling everyone else she caught a bug. Because she couldn’t be honest that she felt physically repulsed by the idea of you with James.

And selfishly she did wish it was her. Knowing that she would 100% treat you better than that asshole.

James was scrum of the earth. She knew that.

He would talk about you as if you were a prop for his life.

She would hear him constantly in the saloon late at night, as she was drowning her feelings, an unhealthy but easy coping strategy. He would talk about stuff she wouldn’t repeat. Often painting you as some disgusting figure, Ellie knew it was all a lie.

He was disgusting, he knew no one would say shit to you, and he was right.

Because even Ellie said nothing, And it’s not like she could. Say she did it’s not like you could leave him. That wasn’t in the playing cards for woman.

“I should be goin’ bit dark out?” Ellie sighs out looking at you hesitantly. Hoping that you can’t read eyes.

You shrug. “You’re welcome to stay over?” You offer. “Better then riding back into town?”

Ellie immediately smiles and nods. “Yes!” She then clears her throat, realizing that ‘yes’ seemed a little desperate. She quickly rearranges her words.. “I mean as long as i’m not intruding’ your space” She says.

You then chuckle in result of Ellie’s fast and eager yes, it reminded you of when you were little girls. Your father always said how energetic she was. Never bein’ able to sit her down.

“Wouldn’t have offered if I believed you were intrudin’?” You say while looking at her bringing your glass back up to your lips.

“Don’t want to be sendin’ a bruised up girl home anyway..!” You chuckle watching as a laugh falls between Ellie’s lips.

And the environment ending up changing once your eyes met Ellie’s lips. Because suddenly it felt like a lot of tension sprouted which was overall weird.

And you can’t even understand why was tension being created with you and Ellie. All you were doing is watching her laugh, no weird intent was behind the closed doors. Yet you’re not sure if Ellie got that message because you watched as her eyes were dancing between your lips and eyes.

Maybe it was innocently, but it was weird.

So you quickly turn your head a bit sideways to the living room. “Would you like to sit?” You ask looking at Ellie.

Ellie was quick to snap out of that “sappy” moment. If you could call it that, it was hardly a moment. Either way it had her attention fully dwell on it, she couldn’t help but wonder if that was her open. A chance to kiss you, and maybe she just missed it?

Maybe you wanted her to kiss you..?

And Ellie wasn’t thinking.

Like always.

But she didn’t want that to be the last chance she ever gets, so with that she leans forward pressing her lips to yours.

And when that happens your mind didn’t skip the chance to go shell shock? Because why the fuck was Ellie Williams, the girl you’ve known almost your whole life, someone who can easily still be considered your best friend kissing you!

What was even happening??

You quickly pull your face back, watching as her eyes shoot open, colour draining from her face, having her turn pale and sick looking.

She knows she made a fucking mistake. What if you told the law about what she’s done, she’d be lucky to live after that moment. So she quickly stutters out a sentence.

“F-fuck i’m so-so sorry?” Ellie says running her hands through her hair and stepping further away from you, she doesn’t even know why she did it- you have a husband, Ellie fuking knew that??

She didn’t understand why she couldn’t just get that through her thick skul-

Her thoughts blanked.

And she didn’t even process why.

Her mind just stopped.

Obviously not processing the lips which are now planted right back on hers.

Ellie’s lips were far softer then James, while his were chapped, hers were soft. She was gentle moving her hands along you face with care. While on the other hand he was a bit more rough.

She was also warm, something you picked up fast as her a hands rested on your cheeks reciprocating the kiss.

Ellie’s lips leave yours, kissing your cheek and down to your jaw and neck, her tongue poking out in the process.

“We shouldn’t be doing this..” You say hands in her hair. Ellie only replies with a quick. “Do you want me to stop sweetheart.” And she does mean it when she says it.

All she needs is a simple yes and she’ll pull back in an instant, but a part of her wishes you’ll response with be a solid “No”.

And that it was, because as she said it you were quick to shake you head giving her a short “No-no keep going.”

Ellie nods and continues to kiss your neck, hands on your waist as you both move to your bedroom.

Once you get to your bed you’re laid down, Ellie lips once again finding yours as she stays on top. Her hands trail down your dress, her fingertips just reaching the bottom hem of it before you speak up.

“Can we..just kiss please.” You ask looking up at her.

“Course darlin’..” Ellie says as she nods fast and leans in moving her hand up to cuff your cheek, as she once again as she kisses you. She was honestly a bit relieved you stopped her. Ellie didn’t know what the fuck she was doing, and she really didn’t want to disappoint you in any way. So your interpretation saved her in a way.

You lean your head a bit more up breaking the kiss to connect with Ellie’s neck, you heard her breath in your ear. It was a bit irregular and fast leading you to understand that she’s definitely just as nervous as you. It gave you closure knowing you weren’t the only one freaking the fuck out.

Your lips continued to trail all over her neck, hearing short noises of approval. Your hand went to the back of her neck to rub it slowly and softly, trying to ease her nerves as you work on your own.

Ellie pulls her head up a bit so your lips disconnect with her neck, she’s eager to feel your lips back on hers. So once she makes that gap she moves down to kiss you once again.

“You’re so pretty..” She sighs into your mouth once your lips meet once again, she’s quick to intertwine your hands with yours. “It drives me crazy” She says softly.

You and Ellie stopped kissing after what felt like forever, it was getting late and both of you were in need for a good rest.

Her hands wrapped around your laying down figure, head finding it’s way in the crook of you neck. That being one of the final things you remember before you drifted into a deep sleep.

You couldn’t remember if you’ve ever felt warmth in your bed like you had with Ellie.

You had James for awhile now, but every time you woke up with him it was never warm. He would never stick by your side even in sleep, not that it bothered you. Say he did you probably wouldn’t have liked it.

So it was so weird how with Ellie you didn’t question or interject it.

You let everything happen on your own accord.

She was still well rested arm draped over your stomach as her lips found a spot on your neck.

It was weird, being so intimate with Ellie. A girl.

You knew it was wrong, but it was Ellie. She wasn’t just somebody you could throw to the side and act like it never happened. That just wasn’t realistic.

But you didn’t know what to do, because this most likely couldn’t continue. It made you feel as if you were gross. Sneaking around with a girl, knowing how that’s perceived and looked at.

You’ve heard how some have died from that, even deemed witchery from some. And really, you weren’t sure you were ready to be on that list..?

Ellie’s eyes slowly opened watching as yours were planted on the ceiling, she saw the look in your eyes, she could tell you were thinking. It almost made her nervous. Wondering if you were thinking of no longer being friends or something. Ellie couldn’t take that.

“Hey.” Ellie says, your eyes turn to the sound of her voice, far more raspy in the morning.

“Hi.” You look back at her.

It’s never this awkward with Ellie, most of the times you can’t get her to stop talking. But not today apparently, because she was silent. Not really sure what to say?

Ellie sits up on your bed, looking around your bedroom. She sees the many shrines which represent your husband. Little stuff filled with the hobbies he probably enjoyed. The only thing she could distinct for you was your clothing.

She hated it.

Neither of you wanted to mention how Ellie ended up in your bed, or even what transpired last night. Fearing that if you say it out loud it might just become all that more real.

You sit up too, turning your head to look at Ellie.

Finally she speaks. “Sleep okay?” She ask moving her hand up to bite her fingernails a nervous tick she’s had since she was a kid.

“Mhm.” You nod slowly. Not wanting to admit it maybe just be the best sleep you’ve had in years. You didn’t want to be that theatrical.

“Good.” Ellie nods and looks at you.

Ellie then looks around, she knows she can’t stay here any longer..not when the items of your husband feel like it’s staring her down.

Judging her..

“I should really head out.-“ Ellie says looking at you.

You only nod. Her leaving might be the best thing right now, you can’t take this awkwardness which is so fucking foreign for the both of you.

“Yeah- yeah that’s a good idea.” You say looking at Ellie as her figure stands up straightening out her wrinkled clothing.

“I’ll be seeing’ ya then.” Ellie says clearing her throat leaving your bedroom, the sound of the front door closing following no to long after.

And you want to punch yourself for being so naive?

You foolishly believed that things would quickly go back to normal. You and Ellie would have your small greetings, like every time but you quickly realized that wasn’t happening.

Ellie was avoiding you, that was no secret. It’s been a week since that moment that you two shared in your house and you haven’t even seen her. You heard around she left Redwater a few days ago.

Lawman said she’s chasing a couple folks for a bounty, but she’s “sure to be back any day now.” But that had to be at least 2 days ago, and again no sign of the green eyed girl you’re starting to long for.

James also still gone, somewhere in the mountains with his father. You hated how you missed Ellie more then the man you should love. It was messed up.

You were starting to get worried, what if Ellie had reported you, the lawmen showing up to your place to arrest you, throw you in jail for the rest of your life. Or worse, being punished by death.

It had you living in an endless loop of anxiety, you felt like people were looking at you, like they knew what went down in your house that night. Weather or not it was impossible for them to know.

“You’re lookin’ pale” A soft voice comes from beside you. You’ve been sitting at the saloon all morning, drowning your worries in booze. And really, it was working.

The voice could only belong to Dina.

You eyes met her soft brown doe eyes and you give her a lazy smile. She didn’t know what happened, and as nice as she is you’d never tell her. It puts you and Ellie both at risk.

“Why don’t we get you some water?” Dina questions.

“N-no it’s okay, to far?” You look back at her, you watch as her eyes trail your face, silently trying to understand what’s going on with you.

“You missin’ James” She questions not waiting for a response before she continues. “Jesse and his father do this all the time, always doing their bonding stuff- but don’t worry about it, he’s probably thinkin’ about you.” She smiles and sits beside you on the stool resting her hand on your shoulder.

You couldn’t reply, worrying that you saying you miss James would easily be recognized as a lie, which it was.

“Have you seen Ellie?” You question looking at Dina, ignoring the whole conversation you both had. Or more one she had with herself.

Dina then shrugs “Heard she got back earlier last night.” She says.

“Do you know where she is.” You stand up a bit to fast for someone who’s been rested in the bar all day.

“She’s been sat at the train station all day” Dina nods and looks at you.

And now with your new found information you’re moving your feet straight to the train station, you’re fully ready to give Ellie a piece of your mind. Insult her for ignoring you, acting like just a week prior she wasn’t kissing you, telling you how pretty you were.

You felt like you hated her, but as soon as you saw her back rested on the train station walls, your words were forgotten. And you suddenly didn’t have the urge to insult her.

You decide to continue walking over hitting her shoulder a bit harder then you should have. Wanting Ellie to turn and see you. Reminding her of the girl she’s was sucking face with.

“What the fu-“ Ellie stops her words when she sees you, she seems like a child who’s been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been doing.

“Hi” Ellie looks at you.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” You ask arms resting in a crossed position.

“I haven’t.” Ellie shakes her head and looks down, hat now covering her eyes.

You lift her hat up taking it in your left hand. “You have- now don’t lie, you haven’t said anything since we kis-“

Your words are interrupted by Ellie shushing you, causing in your opinion more heads to turn. “Are you drunk?” She questions raising her eyes.

“No!” You shake your head fast.

Ellie’s lips turn into a smirk and she looks at you. “You definitely are.” She says eyes slowly shifting to your lips.

It’s times like this were she wishes loving you wasn’t a crime.

Either way she saw herself committing this crime in every lifetime, it would all be worth it if it meant feeling your lips against hers.

You were worth it.

“If you’re mad, I’d prefer you tell me?” You say slurring over a few words, either way knowing she’ll get the point.

“I’m not mad?” Ellie says looking at you before clearing her throat. “I thought maybe you would’ve told people so I left for a few days.” Ellie says.

Ellie truthfully has been having the exact same amounts of anxiety as you, ever since she left your house her mind had been in spirals.

She knew deep down you wouldn’t say anything but the risk was still there, so she cleared from town for a few days. Making sure 100% no one knew anything.

Because she kissed you first, and if you told people that she knew the consequences which would occur. And that scared her.

So she ran, using the excuse that she had leads of some bounty target..

“Okay..” You look at her and nod, your eyes now looking at her lips.

You hated yourself for even looking at Ellie in a romantic sense, it was gross.

Ellie watches your eyes go to her lips, understanding that since your drunk your self control might be a bit worse than normal.

“Not here.” Ellie says slowly watching as you eyes shift up, slowly giving her a nod.

“Sorry” You say, Ellie only replying with a nod and a small. “S’okay.”

“After sundown- would you like to-“ Your sentence can’t finish, Ellie’s quickly nodding her head like an idiot, bidding a quick and short “Yes!”

“Okay-“ You smile moving your hand back up near her face, for a second she believes maybe you’re cuffing her cheek. But that was a short lived fantasy because all you were truly doing is putting her hat right back on.

You look around quickly, making sure no one was near or around. You think fast and you press a short kiss to Ellie’s lips. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

Ellie’s blushing like crazy, and she just nods. How does she react? You literally just kissed her AGAIN.

- -

Ellie was at your house as soon as she saw the sun go down. Not wasting any time to be late.

Her hand practically controlled itself when she knocked on your door. She was eager to see you again.

Ellie wasn’t sure what tonight was going to bring, but she knew whatever it was, it was finally going to ease the longing tension she’s had since she had met you. Finally breaking down those walls which scared the both of you.

You opened the door and Ellie immediately smiled. “H-hi.” Ellie smiles

You smile right back at her and open the door a bit more wide allowing Ellie to enter.

Ellie walks in before taking off her boots and looking at you. “You look nice” She looks you up and down taking in your appearance.

“You too..” You smile looking at Ellie taking notice at how her cheeks turn a light pink.

Ellie’s always been nervous around you, it’s just heavily intensified since you kissed. Now she feels like she’s walking on eggshells, hoping she doesn’t accidentally mess something up, or worse, self sabotage.

Ellie sits down on your couch watching as you grab two drinks from the kitchen, filled in a glass cup.

“Haven’t had enough there sweetheart?” Ellie jokes, calling back to your drunk self just a few hours ago.

“Har har” You roll your eyes handing Ellie her drink, finding a comfortable spot beside her as you did so.

Ellie looks at you as she takes a sip, despite her nervousness not breaking eye contact. Both of you are facing each other while sat on the couch. You being the first to speak. “Why didn’t you tell me about this secret little crush” You smile tilting your head.

“It was hardly a crush” Ellie rolls her eyes at your statement..

Yet it definitely was a crush that lasted years among years, but she’s not sharing that just yet.

“Can I at least get a timeline or something?” You smile looking at her. You’re not sure when Ellie’s feelings developed, your assuming not over a long period of time. Your guess is maybe a little after you got married.

“No.” Ellie chuckles, trying to play off she’s not scared of telling you that she’s had this “little crush” for multiple years. Fuck since you two were children.

“So you’re plannin’ on hiding it then?” You ask hand creeping to her knee. Sliding you fingers lightly on it.

“Mhm! Seems like i’d be savin’ myself the embarrassment” Ellie tilts her head before leaning in a bit.

“I wish you told me earlier.” You say looking at her. And even though you said those words you wonder how different everything would be if Ellie told you earlier. If your reaction would have been different. If you would even let it get as far as kissing.

And Ellie thinks the same, she just says it. “I don’t think it would’ve changed much-“ She sighs out, eyes peeling from yours.

Your shoulders slouch slightly but you quickly rise them. Moving your hand to cuff Ellie’s cheek so she looks at you again. “Maybe- maybe not.” You sigh out, your body moving itself to lean in and kiss her.

Ellie’s hands move to your face, and even though she knows it’s wrong, knows the consequences and how this can affect the both of you she doesn’t pull back, she just leans further into it. Scared that if she pulls back she’ll lose you.

Both you and Ellie are leaning back on the couch Ellie on top of you while her lips are hastily trying to keep pace with yours.

You both seem in a starved state. Scared of what these actions might follow, yet both refusing to stop them. Kissing harder and more passionately each time.

Ellie’s lips go down your neck and she’s dragging her tongue down as she does. Even though she hasn’t done this, hasn’t even been close to doing this your little moans of approval is enough for her.

And she’s almost sure she hasn’t heard something so sweet, it just makes it more concrete that whatever this is, it’s not stopping anytime soon.

Ellie’s hand is finding it’s way to your chest, squeezing one of your boobs lightly. The moan that left your mouth meant whatever she was doing was good.

You’re smiling through the kiss making Ellie smile too. “What..?” She rasp out pulling back from the kiss.

“I didn’t say anythin’ did I?” You question, lips finding hers once again.

The moment the two of you are having is only getting more intense as your hand starts trailing to her pants. Ellie quickly pulls back, out of pure nervousness. It might have been because she’s never done this, or because it’s with you but she’s freaking out. “I- I just haven’t done this- and I don’t want to fuckin’ like disappoint you.” Ellie sighs out.

You look up at her nodding slowing, it’s not like you’ve done this stuff either. With a girl that is, and you’re really just as nervous as she is. Maybe you’re just better at hiding it. “We can figure it out- if you’d like too..” You say.

Ellie nods and leans her lips back to yours, feeling as your fingers starting moving to undo the button.

Ellie starts to lean back off of you finding herself on the other side of the couch. Watching you as you slowly go over her now finding yourself on top.

You kiss Ellie again before peeling back to move you hand down, getting a good look before you fingers reach her the waistline of her underwear.

You know that if you cross this point there’s truly no returning. You’ve set yourself up for this kind of life and that has you worried. If in the long run it would be worth it, seeing as your father got this “perfect life”. You almost feel like doing this would make him disappointed in you.

With a husband, enough money to live comfortably, all the shit you could ever need. And now you’re throwing it away.

But for Ellie, to be with Ellie.

That seems to easy.

Like the decision was made before you could deny it. So you hands reach inside her underwear letting contact with her extremely wet folds.

“Fuck-“ Ellie says closing her eyes and buckling her hips forward craving the new found feeling of your touch. “It feel okay..?” You ask fingers still moving in circle motions as you put more pressure on her clit.

Ellie just moans and nods, not being able to get out sentences anymore. She’s almost sure they wouldn’t be coherent anyway.

Your fingers continue to move, collecting her wetness. Ellie’s moans were only increasing and you weren’t sure how long she’d be. But she was 100% reaching the boiling point that threatened to overflow.

You slowly slide in one of your fingers with straight ease due to how wet she was. Ellie’s hips rolling practically begging for more, despite her lack of words. “Right there..” Ellie moans her eyes still screwed shut.

Your lips plant back on Ellie as your fingers continue to work on her lower region. Ellie moaning as you do so.

“I’m gonna..” Ellie’s words trail off as her eyes continue to stay shut. “Eyes on me- open your eyes.” You say holding her cheek lightly. “I want to watch you.” You say slowly, wondering if your words were far to much. Which seemed stupid because one of your fingers were literally inside Ellie.

Ellie’s eyes open and she’s looking back and forth between your eyes. Her breaths are getting more irregular and she’s starting to feel herself being pushed over the edge.

You watch Ellie’s eyes roll, eyelids fluttering shut. Her back arches running off the little high she has left once you pull out your fingers. Ellie immediately smashes her lips back onto yours. Not giving you a chance to pull back.

Her hands are tugging up your dress before moving your underwear to the side as her fingers reach your folds. She’s obviously not trying to waste any time!

“Feel okay..?” Ellie ask looking at you for your reaction.

All you reply with is a short nod and a moan leaving your lips.

Ellie’s fingers are moving in slow taunting circles as her face stays in the crook of your neck, kissing all around your throat. Moving up to then reach your lips.

You feel Ellie’s fingers start to speed up, kissing you more passionately. Tongue lapping around yours, zero plans to stop.

Ellie hands leave your aching clit pushing in her fingers.

As soon as you feel Ellie move her finger inside you, your hips are rolling themselves, having Ellies fingers go deeper inside of you.

You’re continuing to moan louder holding onto Ellie’s face while you continue kissing her, you can feel yourself reaching that boiling over point. “Please look at me baby..” Ellie says between kissing you.

Your eyes open, looking up at Ellie as your lips break apart. Ellie’s eyes on you was all it took, her looking down you with pure lust fingers deep inside you. You’re body finally lets go, eyes fluttering shut as Ellie’s fingers ride you through your orgasm.

Ellie slowly pulls out her fingers looking at you, hoping what she did ending up feeling okay for you. “Was it okay..?” Ellie ask looking down at you.

You can’t even form coherent sentences so you just lean forward and kiss Ellie.

And that’s what it soon became with you and Ellie. The both of you would sneak around town, kissing behind buildings, inside your house on the rare occasion your wouldn’t husband be there, even sometimes in Ellie’s.

It was risky and both of you knew it. You both were playing a game where the odds weren’t in your favour. But neither of you could quit. It felt like a drug for the both of you..

Ellie’s lips on yours, it was something that wasn’t quite explainable, why it felt so good. Knowing it was wrong.

But you couldn’t help but wonder why it was wrong, you didn’t know if this was love. You’ve never actually been in love. You weren’t even sure if that was real.

But with Ellie, it felt different then any man you ever been with, like she blew everyone else out of the field park.

And it came all that more apparent when your husband came back. If he tried to kiss you, you found yourself pulling back, complaining of some faux sickness. Just so you wouldn’t have to touch his lips.

While you’d find yourself sneaking out late to be with the auburn hair girl. It was inevitable for a mess up. It was a silent thing you and Ellie both knew. There was no one you’d be able to do this with no one finding out.

You were deep in thought, sitting in town letting the sun fall down on you. Trying to ignore you the thoughts about Ellie. Realizing you probably have to end it..tell her you can’t do whatever this is anymore.

“Hey Ma’am?” Ellie says planted on her horse. Patting its neck lightly to ease him. “You alright?” Ellie questions looking at you. She sees that your eyebrows are furrowed and you blocked out everything else around so your definitely thinking. She’s seen these actions since you were both little, how you ignore everything else.

“Yeah, hey Ellie” You put on a fake smile, fast enough for Ellie to maybe not question it. But she recognizes it almost immediately. Looking at you before she hops off her horse tying it to the fence post.

“What’s wrong.” Ellie says looking at you, as her hand lightly touches yours, leaving you to move your hand back. Retracting from her touch. There were people around and Ellie’s a bit more careless than you. “Sorry.” Ellie sighs looking at you.

“It’s fine- just people.” You say looking at her, you don’t know if you were wrong for thinking it. But you truly wish she was a boy. If she was you wouldn’t have to question every time you both were physically intimate.

Life would be so much easier if girls could like each other..

She nods looking at you. Trying to think of how to talk to you in private. She sees how your eyes trail down, avoiding hers. But she couldn’t read you. “We can talk later. Just once James falls asleep behind the saloon.?” You ask looking at her.

Ellie nods. “Yeah. Okay.”

- -

Ellie was there way before you, if she had to guess maybe an hour. She was fucking panicking, she never saw you like that. It hurt her to say the least.

You couldn’t even look at Ellie, and honestly it filled her with insecurities, unsure as to why you’re suddenly pulling away from her. After she’s spent so long dreaming for the both of you to be close, in the way she wanted at least.

And now that it happened, even it’s it’s just for a bit. She doesn’t want to end that. But she sees how it’s now it’s crumbling. And she hates that-

“Hey.” Your voice cuts off her train of thought, watching as you come behind the the wall of the saloon. “Hi.” Ellie smiles looking at you before walking forward towards you.

“Are you okay, you seemed like something was on your mind?..” Ellie questions her hand reaching her her nails to her mouth out of nervousness. “Yeah- no, I mean. I just want to talk.” You sigh out looking down at the ground. Pulling down her hand, you knew that she would bite her nails during nervous occasions.

Ellie’s hand reaches your cheek, thumb moving back and forth.. “You can talk me” Ellie sighs out looking at you, despite you avoiding her gaze. “Ellie this is dangerous- us doing this is dangerous.” You finally look at her.

Ellie feels like she’s biting back tears as she sees your teary eyes once escaping and falling down your cheek. “So- we’re fine. We haven’t got caught” Ellie then shakes her head. “We won’t get caught?” Ellie says looking at you. Almost trying to convince herself.

“I-I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.” You say leaving Ellie to just sigh. It’s not like she can deny it, if you get caught. You’re both dead. You’d be lucky to live. People don’t often act to pleased when the sin of homosexuality is shed to the light.

Ellie leans in and kisses you, her hands finding the back of your neck.. “I wanna be with you- and if that’s what leads me to the end then so be it.” Ellie says in between the kiss.

“Ellie-“ You start.

“No- s’okay. Promise.” Ellie shakes her head kissing you. Holding you tight, as if she lets go she’ll lose you forever. “I wanna be with you..” Ellie says.

You and Ellie continue to kiss, lost in the feelings of holding each other. Your soft lips clashing. Then something which could have sounded so quiet came down in a big crash. There was sounds of a stick breaking behind the two of you, both of you pulling back from each other.

Both of the colour drains from your faces, looking around to see nothing. The dark is caving both of your figures and now you’re worried. “Ellie- Ellie what if someone saw” You say looking at her. Hands shaking slightly.

Ellie looks around and shakes her head, trying to convince you and herself that no one was truly there. Like it was an animal. “No- it was probably just a rabbit, they’re all around these parts.” Ellie says looking at you.

But Ellie was just as nervous as you. Wondering if this was it. If that was a person.

And you hadn’t know it yet, considering you and Ellie haven’t talked about what would happen say you two were found out, but Ellie’s already understood that she would immediately take the blame. Because Ellie realized your life was set for you, you had a husband who you were sure to have kids with eventually, while her life didn’t have much worth living for, as sad as it seems.

She didn’t have a husband, nor planned to ever get one, she didn’t have much friends, and in all fairness she assumed she’ll grow old in this town. So really, once she reached the end, being death of course, what would she had accomplished..?

Ellie knew a life without you wasn’t one she wanted to take part on, and the thought of you both getting caught was enough for her to make the decision. Even though it was on her own.

She thought about what she would say, something Ellie came up with was saying that she forced you, one that made you commit theses acts. The heinous crime which was loving her. If you even did.  

It was easier this way, because it would save you.

Ellie looks at you. “It’s getting late” Ellie sighs turning her head to the ground, unsure of what tomorrow may bring.

You reply with a short nod. Realizing it’s time to say goodbye to her.

You were up bright and early, trying to get out of the house before James woke up. Not trying to deal with his instructions that he often assigned. Today you wanted to see Ellie, you had the plan to knock on her door.

But as soon as you walked into town the atmosphere was different. You knew it wasn’t in your head this time, because everyone was looking at you. Like you were some curse. And much to your despair you weren’t sure why.

But that was soon to to become evident and clear..

You see Dina and Jesse trail towards you hesitantly, their faces are reading something indescribable, like they can’t tell weather talking to you is safe. It was weird to say the least.

“How are you feeling..?” Dina spits out looking at you. Jesse talking right after her. “She’s gone now, lawmen have her in cells.” Jesse says tilting his head. “Don’t gotta worry about her.” He continues.

And now you’re confused, you don’t know a lot of girls, much less that committed a crime. And your mind only trails to one, Ellie fucking Williams.

“What do you mean? Who?” You spit out, now looking for the girl who’s often on her horse walking all around town. Patrolling to make sure everything is in order.

“Ellie?” Dina says, she’s looking at you with eyes that seem worried. “You heard what old man Walter said surely? It’s travelling all over.”

Old man Walter was the town drunk, it was nothing new. If there was no one in the saloon early in the morning or late at nights he was sure to be there, and now your heart sinks. Because if he was at the saloon late at night. He could have saw-

“He said- he was going to empty his bladder- as everyone does. But he saw Ellie and you.” Dina doesn’t spit out the final sentence, scared to speak such acts into words. But Dina didn’t have to finish the fucking sentence, you knew exactly what she was talking about. You and Ellie. What happened behind the saloon. A time where you believed everyone was sleeping.

Now your mind was going on a race to understand why you’re still standing her, why you’re not throw into a cell like Ellie. “What, what’d she say?..” You look at Dina and Jesse. Your gaze going back and forth.

“Listen your not in trouble- Ellie explained what she did- your okay.” Dina nods. “What the fuck did she say!” You now yell.

Dina’s startled back. But then understanding what Ellie did probably took a tool on you. “Ellie said she forced herself- well.. you know, onto you. Held you tight. It’s okay to be irritable-“

You’re not even listening, everything around is silent ambience you can’t process, why would Ellie even- she had no need to take the blame. Your feet left Dina and Jesse before your brain could react. You’re basically running into the Sheriffs department, almost stumbling in your dress as you do so.

The lawman watches you speed walk over, he quickly steps forward shaking his head forward. “Hey- hey best you don’t come in here. She’ll be dealt with soon enough. Everything was explained.” He says looking at you.

“Let me just see her- okay I want to-.” You think, if you say you just want to see her you know they won’t let you. “I wanna give her a piece of my mind.” You say as you look at him.

His teeth tug in the bottom of his lip, contiplating if letting you through is smart, but soon enough he steps to the side opening the door.

The department had a couple of cells. Shockingly there was no extra sheriff in the spot where one usually sits. So it was just you, and the figure that sat in the cell. Back to the door.

Her back towards you.

“Ellie” You sigh out.

Ellie’s body flinches, she doesn’t turn around or talk. Ellie knows it’s you, you’re the only one who can sigh her name out like that and give her some sort of reaction. But she knows if she sees you, it’ll make this whole situation worse. “Listen- just leave.” She keeps her back towards you.

“Turn around.” You say before crouching in front of the cell, Ellie slowly sighs and turns around.

Her appearance was another reason she didn’t want to see you, her eye was bruised. Lip seemed busted and she had a few cuts around her face. And now you can’t hold back because you’re crying, realizing that if you two didn’t kiss that night everything would be different. “Don’t cry.” Ellie shakes her head.

She’s moving forward in the cell her hand reaching for your cheek. Now metal bars between the two of you. “Why the fuck did you take the blame Ellie” You say looking at her, you want it to come out harshly, because you’re hurt. But it doesn’t, as you’re crying your voice is just weak.

“Because- I didn’t want you to get hurt.” Ellie says her hand still on your cheek wiping the tears. “Now you’re gonna be hurt..Ellie what if they ki-“. Ellie stops you, she’s sure that’s soon to come, but she knows you’ll just panic more. “I’ll be okay.”

Both of you knew it was a lie, the lawman said to your face she’ll be dealt with. But living in some fantasy seemed better then reality.

“Why’d you say it.” You look at her.

“Because I love you.” Ellie sighs. Knowing this is probably the last time she’ll see you.

Kissing Ellie through the bars was something you couldn’t explain. Because it showed how your actions lead you to this point, yet how you both weren’t able to stop now. Because you literally dug this grave. But this time it wasn’t for you, you’ve single handedly dug a grave for Ellie. Where she was sure to rest.

“I love you too.” You sign out, reluctantly pulling back. Getting a good look at the girl. You look down. “Better get goin’ don’t want him to walk back in.” Ellie says as she nods towards the man outside the door.

With that you picked up yourself feeling like a thousand pounds, walking towards the door before you look back at Ellie. She’s noticeably crying. You want to walk to her, hug and kiss her, but you don’t. You just walk out.

- -

You got word a few days after that, Ellie was killed in her cell. People around town speculated it was one of the lawmen, saying they were the only people who could open the cell, but people didn’t care.

James didn’t even console you, he just said he was busy with his father leaving you alone in your house once again. Not even having Ellie to pass the time.

Everyone in Redwater believed getting rid of a person like Ellie was a benefit.

And soon you realized Ellie would become a distance memory, someone you longed for, but could never truly have.

You’d always remember Ellie as your true love. One you’d meet again, weather it be in another lifetime.

One where you can only hope you both got your happy ending.

A/N -> UM!

This is currently the longest thing i’ve ever wrote and it’s so it can hold everyone over before Summer Blossom. Because currently i’m extremely busy!

I have a huge trip coming up and i’m working so I haven’t been able to work on that as of now, which I do apologize for! Give me another week and I swear it’ll be out.

I hope you enjoyed reading this because I LOVED writing it. I was literally listening to old music as I wrote it, and was doing research to make sure everything sorta made sense!

This is a one shot so please settle with the sad ending, it won’t be continued. I’ve never done a sad ending and I feel like I needed some angst.

But other then that I hope you enjoyed this little one shot!

[byrnelokomo]

yknow something i haven't seen people point out yet (at least on tumblr) is how the trailers for totk have already confirmed/continued SEVERAL details and theories from botw that make the plot setup for totk seem..... VERY interesting

first of all, smth i noticed a while back was the floating island confirmation. in botw, on the octoballoon quest for that kid, he gives you this dialogue:

[image IDs:

image 1 is a screenshot of dialogue from Shamae that says, "I sometimes see it in my dreams. Do you think that a long time ago people used to live in the sky? I hope so..."

image 2 is another screenshot from Shamae that says, "Good kids can see it! They can see the kingdom floating in the sky!"

end image ID]

and ofc the importance of that is obvious now BUT AT THE TIME i just took it for a reference to skyward sword for fun, like all the place name references. but now it's apparent it Wasn't.

which is very interesting because this means they were planning the plot of totk at least from the development of breath of the wild. and remembering how soon totk was announced, that makes me very excited because it means the opportunity for totk to not just be taking place in the same world but to be a coherent sequel in every meaning of the word--for it to build off the story of botw--for it to purposely be foreshadowed in botw--is POSSIBLE.

and we all are talking about the zonai ruins rn and the architecture style in the new totk trailer, which, if it IS connected to the zonai, WAS intended in the original game to later connect to totk.

which brings me to point 3 that is very 👀👀 to me: those fucking luminous stones. glowing cyan magic or rocks or whatever are not exactly uncommon in loz, but i can't help but notice the similarity of the luminous rocks to the crystals in the first totk trailer, the ones everyone already went wild about regarding a possible time stones return from ss (and i am still very curious about).

the ones shown several times in the trailer, almost pointedly, seeming to drawn attention to themselves in the framing...

[image IDs: three screenshots from the original trailer of tears of the kingdom. the first is link and zelda in a dim cave of some sort walking a path while the camera views them from behind at ground level, over the edges of glowing aqua crystals. the second is an overhead shot of link and zelda doing the same, now with those same crystals shown to be on the side of the path and numerous. the third is them further along travelling across a seemingly underground bridge, with crystals littering the walls around them and framing the image from above and below and to both the right and left of the central bridge. end image ID]

i don't have a clearcut theory for these but something i DO think is very interesting is THIS description we get of the luminous stones in the botw ingame item menu:

Luminous Stone is one of the minerals found throughout Hyrule in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. This mysterious mineral gives off a pale blue glow in the dark, which some believe to be souls of the dead. Apparently, this stone can be used as a base to make special clothing.

at the time i read this, i was very perplexed and intrigued by the bolded part of the text, because it seemed out of the ordinary for the typical game item descriptions. NOW though... i wonder if it was some kind of foreshadowing. and considering the sky references, i think there's an actual possible chance it might be. and considering how creepy the original trailer was and potential tone and magic we've seen of the new game, this could be some really fascinating lore or a plot hint.

i am just. really excited about the possibility of breath of the wild itself containing a lot of purposeful clues and foreshadowing for tears of the kingdom, and if totk will actually continue the story properly from botw, and answers questions from botw, yall.

especially whatever the FUCK was and is happening with the tapestry loredump in botw and ganondorf's origins in this story

[suteshiro]

ALL for crown.

I LOVE YOU

If your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead?

Wouldn’t you want to know

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life?

For now I can’t say for sure? From the ones he currently knows it’s hard to tell bc he trusts Love in a Personal Way but is lowkey convinced he’d sell him to Satan for a corn chip. And Gank seems p trustworthy in that regard but they have only briefly met each other

What are your character’s core moral beliefs?

No one gets to control or take away someone else’s autonomy

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings?

Parents? Hate ‘em. Siblings? H

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races?

Eeh, I don’t think so

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority?

Take a wild guess ksvjfnskjv 

He doesn’t think someone having authority is inherently bad but he hates every person in authority he’s ever known of so his opinion has been formed based on that

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc.

I’m lazy. You know what she looks like

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most?

Campaign hasn’t started yet so I can’t say anything about which locations visited she’s liked! She feels very comfortable at the spot we’re starting at tho

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship?

Caenrys babey. She’s a bit weirded out by people who dedicate themselves to organized religion but in general she doesn’t stick her nose in others’ religious business

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be?

Artisan’s tools: I think he’d like glassblowing! Woodworking is cool too

Game set: playing cards probably

I don’t think he’s rlly interested in music as something he himself might perform vkjfnfksjn

Learning how to use a poisoner’s kit could be fun

Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right.

I’m not sitting next to anyone so I rolled for it and got Gank (@prophe-seer​‘s character)

Crown likes Gank a lot! They only met like, once but they rlly got along. She feels a bit bad for them bc they seemed to think she was rlly nice and instead of considering she Might genuinely be nice she jumped to “oh shit the bar is fucking underground for this guy” skvjfnksjfvn. So she’s surprisingly attached. She wants them to have an actual friend bc it seems like they need it

What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence?

I’m headed straight for the castle

Does your character ever want to “settle down” with a spouse, children, house, etc.?

Currently, no. She has a lot of dangerous shit to do and is too caught up on being A Free Spirit That Actually Gets To See The World to like,, consider settling down. And she hasn’t given any thought to what life she’ll have after her goals have been fulfilled.

But I’ve actually given some thought to this and I think she wants to make a family one day. Idk if it’ll include children (probably adopting older “problem” children tbh) or a spouse but she definitely wants to settle down with at least one pet

Has your character ever been in love?

H,

What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character?

Haven’t played yet!

If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead?

Probably a fighter skjvfnskjfvn or a paladin

What is your character’s favorite season?

Autumn! Lovs the cronch. Loves to get to cool down after summer

What would your character’s Zodiac sign be, following stereotypical astrology?

I actually already made this decision ksjfnkvsjn she’s an Aries. I remember liveblogging my decision making to a friend regarding this but i cant remember what it was and im lazy

Where in the world does your character most want to visit?

Oh you know

What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made?

Oh you know,

Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories?

Probably not!

What animal best represents your character?

Wolf,

If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be?

Oh you know,,,,

Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with?

Not sure yet!

Does your character regret any particular choice the party has made?

idk yet ksvfsjfv

What would your character say their best trait would be?

uuuh i dont think he thinks of himself in positive terms a lot skvnksjfvn

he’d probably name his strength or smth like that

What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational?

Oh, you know!

What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party?

I don’t know cause we don’t have the plot hook yet

What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class?

he likes collecting small trinkets and going to festivals and thats. about it

What would most people think when they first see your character?

“Oh shit sexy”

What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?)

Surprisingly, I think it’s The Mom skjvfnksnvksjnvf he seems to be really going in the “What The Fuck. Are You Okay. I Must Protect You”

But also he’s absolutely the mess

 In a five man band he’s the leader, lancer and big guy all at once. Probably the lancer tho

What is your character the most insecure about?

He’s completely unable to see himself as a kind person worthy of tenderness

What person does your character admire most?

Gaylia!!! He thinks she’s so strong and cool

What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left?

Going for Love since I talked about Gank already. He bedrudgingly admires how cunning and People Smart Love can be. Absolutely hates how much of a Bastard he is and how hot he is

Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)?

Both int and wis are at a -2!

Wisdom: he wasn’t uh. raised in a way where he rlly got to learn the ways of people’s minds, or do anything but repress his own feelings. and once he was out on his own he was so focused on being a reckless fool he never even tried to change that

Intelligence: He has big adhd and always had a hard time learning. Instead of being supported he was yelled at and punished for stupidity. He retaliated by refusing to keep trying. So now he’s dumb 

What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music?

I have an entire playlist for him please look at it I worked so hard on it-

I think most  relevant are Castle by Halsey and Emperor’s new clothes by p!atd. I think he would also associate those songs with himself and really like them. Royals by Lorde is also up there for sure. And Rise from League of Legends

What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.)

Goth jock.

What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them?

Not particularly precious to him and not in the adventure since we haven’t played yet but he has Love’s broken antler skvjfnksjfv

Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find?

Oh you know

Where does your character feel the most at home?

Gaylia’s place probably,

Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people?

She’s built her entire identity around refusing to give a fuck, however in truth she probably actively tries to be seen as rebellious and maybe intimidating

What does your character think is the true meaning of life?

Bold of you to imply she thinks that much

What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.)

Roses, lilies and musk ( have no clue if those go well together)

Does your character think more with their heart or their brain?

Heart, absolutely

What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare?

haha,,,, ha,,,,,,, h

What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragonmarked Houses, royal crown, etc.)

Wouldn’t you like to know

How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends?

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

I will keep that to myself!

What colors are associated with your character?

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances?

Love,,

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

Pathos

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for?

I will keep that to myself!

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.?

She has spells and enjoys using them (probably mostly eldritch blast) but nothing beats her good trusty zweihander

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

She has no qualms with it ksvjfnskfjv

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by?

Love I dunno, snakes? Snakes are weird

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?

I don’t think Crown thought she was gonna make it to her 20s

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond?

I rolled and got Gank skfvnksjvfn

I think he’d be flustered and flattered and be like “oh! we can. certainly try dating! but I can’t say I return your feelings right now. uh. sorry,,,”

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with?

Ah,,,

That’s a very complicated question that depends on many factors I’m afraid 

Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s?

He wants to think he does, at least skvjnskvjf

What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group?

Who knows!

How does your character imagine the way they will die?

Doing something stupid, completely alone

What is your character’s greatest achievement?

Making it to 25 honestly svkjnksfjnv

Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal?

Depends on who those others are

What is your character’s opinion on killing others?

Sure why not let’s do it man

What is your character’s favorite food? Beverage?

Pizza and orange juice?

How generous is your character? Especially to those they don’t know?

Surprisingly generous! Maybe not so much with money but she’s always willing to lend a helping hand

What is your character the most envious about, regarding anyone in the party?

I don’t understand this question svknskjfv

The player character to your left and the player character to your right are both telling your character two different versions of the truth. Who does your character believe?

Again I keep choosing between Gank and Love bc they’re the only ones she knows kjfvnskjfvn I mean. it depends. if it’s on something Important I think she’ll side with Love but in general she’s more likely to believe Gank 

What is your character’s sexuality/relationship with sex?

Big bisexual, first of all!

She actually has a complicated relationship with sex! Being in any kind of Intimate Situation used to be very triggering for her. But she worked through it and now she’s. Horny

What is your character’s biggest pet peeve?

When people leave without paying their part.

Describe how your character feels about the party’s current situation/objective/etc.

Shit man I dunno we have no plan

Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret?

Love is the only one she’s known long enough to build any meaningful trust with svknskfv

If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life?

Probably with his only genuine friend, trying to live life to the fullest kvjfnskfv,

What makes your character feel safe?

Being fully aware of his surroundings with easy access to his sword

If your character had the chance to rename the party/give the party a name, no questions asked, what would it be?

No party yet!

What memory does your character want to forget the most?

H,

If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so?

Fukinuh. Paladin? He rlly likes Caenrys and is like “fuck it let’s do another combat charisma-based thing”

What television/book/video game/etc. character would your character be best friends with? (Or: what media character is your character the most influenced by/similar to?

He was heavily influenced by a webcomic character but i will keep Who a secret just in case it makes people figure stuff out skvnskvn

What unusual talents does your character possess?

Really good at doing things without looking, apparently skfjvnsfv

How does your character feel about receiving/giving orders? Are they more of a leader, or a follower?

Giving orders is. Kinda hot

Receiving orders? Die

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

Among other things, Crown’s name represents her proclaiming herself as someone with full authority, if anything, over herself. She’s claiming at every moment a position of power and I think that’s very sexy of her

Is your character more of an introvert, or an extrovert?

Ambivert, probably! Loves people but may get overwhelmed being around them too much

How far is your character willing to go to pursue the “greater good”? Do they believe in a greater good at all?

In theory she doesn’t believe in the greater good but she lies to herself so who knows what she’d do when push comes to shove skjvfnksjfv

What does your character want to be remembered by?

It’s complicated and I’m too lazy to explain it, especially without spoiling anything

What would be your character’s major in college?

He’d shrivel and die in an academic setting pal

Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else?

It’s complicated,,

Let’s say hero and keep it there

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character?

I’m between The Fool and The Magician. Strength is also fun

Where does your character see themselves in 20 years?

Oh, you know!

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it?

Magic is,,, kinda hot!

Who is your character’s biggest rival?

Love ksjvfnksjfvkjsfv

What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure?

Bold of you to imply he feels guilt over anything pleasurable

What does your character hope for the afterlife?

He doesn’t think about that

Who in the party does your character trust the least?

Just as he trusts Love the most he also trusts him the least. Shady bastard

What is your character’s biggest flaw?

-2 wisdom

How did your character learn the languages that they speak?

Uh. Growing up and being raised?

What is your character’s favorite school of magic/type of weaponry?

GREATSWORD AND EVOCATION BABY

What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness?

Happiness

What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves?

“There’s power in your anger. Take action before it gets worse”

Are there any social or political issues your character feels strongly about?

It’s hard to explain bc I don’t know Politics Words

What, currently, is your character the most curious about?

;)

[deadgwen]

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*