#every time I think of talking to that one person I feel like bawling my eyes out

[lale-txt]

no one asked for it but to add to this ask here's more Soft Launch Y/N & Oikawa lore that probably won't make it into the main story (and because this guy is on my brain today):

they met at Seijoh and because Y/N isn't one to make friends easily she just sticked with Makki and whoever he befriended. she's like the bonus friend you get when adding Makki to your circle.

shared one kiss with Oikawa at his 16th birthday party and swore to never do it again (they just were not compatible) (Y/N had a "oh i think i might be into girls actually" awakening afterwards) (she still pinned after Iwa for a while but then again who didn't)

they had a few classes together and Oikawa let her copy homework for the ones who weren't her strong suit in exchange for something she baked

Oikawa wasn't her go-to person for advice but she talked a lot with him about leaving Miyagi forever once they're done with high school because she knew he'd understand, with him leaving for Argentina and everything

every Valentine's Day it was still her chocolate he looked forward to the most. she gave it to him reluctantly because he was already spoiled on this day but still with (platonic) love in her heart.

they did not talk a word with each other the whole time Y/N dated Ushiwaka. Oikawa is still a little salty about it but will also feel like he "won" because in the end he got to keep Y/N and not his rival.

Y/N calls him when she can't sleep because his timezone comes in handy for that and they'd chatter and gossip till Y/N passes out (Oikawa has a folder of Facetime screenshots with her snoozing)

she visited him in Argentina once and he showed her all of the local cuisine and they both had the best time. overall they get along better the older they get. Y/N bawled her eyes out when she had to say goodbye at the airport.

whenever they're both back in Miyagi (over New Year's) Oikawa always tries to bribe Y/N to sleep over at his place instead of Makki's so they can gossip and bond again (she gives in 50:50 of the time)

they're the kind of low maintenance friends who can not talk for 6 months because they're busy with life and then just pick up where they left off like nothing happened

[kavehater]

Okay now I think I just want to cut ppl off

[magniloquent-raven]

"Oh, good, you are alive." Eddie says as soon as Tommy opens his front door. He pushes his way into the house without waiting for a response, and leaves Tommy blinking at empty space.

"...Sure, come on in," he mutters.

"Would it kill you to answer your phone some time?" Eddie's standing in the living room, hands on his hips, looking at Tommy like he's expecting something.

And Tommy's still lingering in his own doorway, suddenly very aware of how ripe his PJs have gotten. "It's my day off." It's a lame excuse and he knows it. He turns away to shut the door so he won't have to look Eddie in the eye.

"It's been, like, three weeks, man."

Tommy sighs quietly. "Yeah, look, it's just..."

"Is this the part where you tell me you both love me equally and it isn't my fault mommy and daddy are getting divorced." He's being flippant, but there's anger there. Tension in his voice. Tommy's not sure if it's on his own behalf or Evan's. Either would be fair, probably.

No. No, it isn't. It's not fair. He doesn't get to storm in here and judge Tommy's life choices. It's not like he's happy with himself about this, he didn't want to break things off. It just. Didn't work out.

"We don't, Eddie."

"What?"

Tommy folds his arms across his chest. "Love you equally. He needs you more than I do."

"What happened to me being allowed to have more than one friend?"

You know what happened, Tommy wants to snap, wants to be the kind of person who gets so angry he breaks, bleeds the tension out. He wants to untangle the knot that's been tightening in his chest for weeks.

Instead he hunches his shoulders. "Nothing, you have plenty of friends. A whole station of them." Tommy bites the inside of his lip so hard he tastes iron, and his eyes fall shut for a moment while he collects himself. "I was trying to make things easier for you."

Eddie narrows his eyes. "Yeah, nothing easier than getting ghosted. In fact, I love it when people I care about suddenly stop talking to me."

"You know what I meant. You have to take his side."

"Oh, I am. Breaking up with him like that was stupid, and he's really hurt."

Tommy barely contains his wince.

"But you were my friend before you were his boyfriend." Eddie's expression shifts, not quite softening. "I'm not here to defend Buck's honour, I'm here because my friend isn't making good choices and I'm worried about him."

He cried that night three weeks ago. Held off until he'd made it home and then bawled like a child, curled up in the dark and not bothering to wipe the snot from his nose. He hasn't cried since. Not when he found one of Evan's sweaters shoved between the cushions on his couch. Not when a date night reminder he forgot to delete from his phone dinged three days ago. Every time he wakes up to nothing but empty lock-screen he feels a little more hollow thinking about all the texts he used to get in the middle of the night.

But he hasn't been crying about it. Until now.

He's not sure what it is exactly. Something about Eddie refusing to let Tommy stonewall him. Something about all the things he's gone through alone never mattering to anyone. Not enough to warrant more than courtesy comfort.

"Woah, hey, was it something I said?"

Tommy shakes his head, and wipes his cheek with the heel of his hand. "It's been a weird few weeks."

It has, is the thing. He used to be good at being alone. But six months of borrowed time was enough for him to be in a lot deeper than he thought. He doesn't just miss Evan he misses being invited to his family dinners, and hearing about life with the 118.

"How 'bout I drink your beer while you tell me about it."

"...Okay."

[athenasilver7]

Could I request ohshc x reader headcannons (separately) where reader is being bullied and goes to them?

OHSHC (separately) x GN Reader

💙 Hikaru 💙

When you come to him crying about being bullied, he just about snaps.

When you tell him it’s been happening for months? He almost loses his damn mind.

“What do you mean ‘months’?! Why didn’t you come to me sooner?!?” He grips at your shoulders a little to hard.

Yeah, he flips out. Not his best moment, nor is it the best reaction to be having right now.

He feels so fucking bad when your crying increases, no thanks to him, obviously.

Hikaru takes a deep breath and calms down. He starts soothing you, holding you in his arm and rubbing your back, mutter a few apologies to you.

When you finally relax and are able to tell him all the details, well… let’s just say he makes a few calls.

Unfortunately, your bully stays at Ouran. So naturally Hikaru takes things into his own hands.

He starts pulling restless pranks on your bully until they get fed up and transfer.

🤍 Tamaki 🤍

Tamaki eventually catches you crying to yourself one day in the gardens. He’s obviously worried and rushes over to you and asked what’s wrong.

All you can manage to sob out is, “I-I’m getting b-bullied…”

……

………….

He holds you tightly in a protective embrace, stroking your hair to soothe you as you cry against his chest.

He’s… quiet. Very quiet.

Tamaki waits patiently until you’re able to collect yourself. He caresses you cheek with a frown.

“My dear… Who is it? Who’s doing this to you?” His tone is low and his voice wavers as he talks.

You tell him who’s been bullying you.

He spends a few days conversing with your bully, trying to talk them in to changing their habits.

If you bully changes their ways, good. Tamaki won’t care for them, obviously, but he’s at least glad they’ve become a better person. And Tamaki will be practically glued to your side so this doesn’t happen again.

If your bully doesn’t change their ways, Tamaki will jump though hoops of several shenanigans to get them to stop and keep them away from you. If all that fails, he’ll reluctantly get his father to kick them out of the school. Ouran is no place for bullying, after all.

❤️ Haruhi ❤️

Well… that’s just not acceptable.

Haruhi, calmly, goes up to your bully and confronts them on their behaviour.

She’s unaware, but as she’s confronting them she’s roasting the hell out of them.

“I don’t know, bullying just seems like your lacking a hobby or something.” Her deadpan voice just makes the whole thing that much better.

Your bully scoffs and doesn’t let up as they continue to bully you the upcoming days.

Haruhi eventually snaps when she witnesses your bully trying to shove you into the fountain.

“Hey! Knock it off! Seriously, how childish do you have to be? Listen, clearly you have something going on in your personal life, and I’m sorry, but that’s no excuse to be taking it out on someone else. And if there isn’t anything personal going on in you life, then just screw off or else I’m telling the chairman!”

Your bully is baffled at Fujioka’s anger and backs off pretty quickly after that. Your bully even starts avoiding you in the hallways, keeping their distance. Haruhi just glares aggressively at them every time she sees them.

💗 Honey 💗

Tired from the constant bullying, you eventually spill your guts to him, bawling as you do so.

Honey is taken aback, but still obviously very concerned. And mad. Not mad at you, heavens no. Mad at your bully.

Granted, he maintains a calm composure on the outside to calm you.

He calms you by patting your head and whispering compliments to you, assuring you that the insults your bully throws at you aren’t true at all.

He offers you desserts and milk. You don’t want deserts? That’s fine, what do you want? You’re nuts if you think he won’t get you a crate of your comfort food.

The next day at school, all Honey has to do is walk up your bully, and your bully is immediately shaking.

Dude… Honey is practically a human weapon. Who wouldn’t be shitting bricks?

The glare on Honey’s face is not helping in the slightest.

Your bully is quick to run away, and transfers out of Ouran immediately.

🧡 Kaoru 🧡

Oh, sweetness… come here.

Lanky arms and legs wrap around you sloth-style.

He doesn’t know why you’re crying. He doesn’t need to know. He just knows that right now you need comfort, and he’s more than willing to give it to you.

I presses gentle kisses to your forehead and cheeks. “Shh, shh, shh… You’re okay. You can tell me anything.” He whispers.

And tell him you do.

He’s frozen for a moment.

He collects himself and goes back to comforting you, telling you how brave and strong you are, and that you should come to him sooner when you’re in trouble.

The next day, much like what Hikaru would do, Kaoru restlessly pranks your bully until they transfer out of Ouran.

Kaoru may be sweet and nice, but he’ll be damned if someone he loves is hurt and he doesn’t do anything about it.

🖤 Mori 🖤

You’re reluctant to tell him for a very long time. Mori is just so calm and tough, a-and… and you’re not. You don’t want to feel like you’re burdening him or relying on him, so… you bite your tongue and deal with it.

Mori, ever the observant one, is quick to notice your change in behaviour the past few weeks.

“Y/N.”

You startle as Mori’s deep voice breaks through the silence.

“…Yeah?” You slowly turn to face him, acting casual.

“What’s wrong.”

You don’t know how, but he managed to phrase that like it wasn’t even a question, he’s telling you to tell him what’s wrong.

You avert your gaze awkwardly and eventually spill the beans.

Mori listens intently, and when you’re done he hums and nods. He gestures you over to him and wraps a protective arm around you, rubbing your back and pressing a tender kiss to your forehead.

The next day at school Mori, calmly, punches the wall next your bully and glares down at them. “…Y/N.” He says.

Your bully looks up at Mori with wide eyes, visibly shaking. “Y-Y/N?” Your bully asks, confused.

Mori nods, leaning down face to face with your bully. “Leave them alone.” He demands lowly.

Your bully scrambles a nod and hastily dashes down the hall. Your bully sure as hell never bothers you again after that.

💜 Kyoya 💜

Now, he’s quick to notice.

Although, he feels like an idiot for not noticing the first few days it started happening. But as the days went on, your facade slowly fell, and he quickly pieced everything together from there.

“…Y/N, is there anything you would like to tell me?” He asks casually, scribbling something down in his notebook, his tone implying that you will tell him something.

“…No.” You mutter.

Kyoya sigh and pushes up his glasses. “Are you certain?” He asks again, a twinge annoyed.

You fidget with your sleeves for a bit before telling him everything about the bullying.

That’s all he needed to hear. He wanted to know just how bad the bullying is from your end.

At that, your bully just ‘mysteriously’ disappears after that day.

You squint at Kyoya suspiciously after a month of your bully not being at school.

“…Did you kill them?” I ask Kyoya with wide, accusing eyes.

He huffs in frustration and places down his pen. “No. They just decided to transfer.”

“…Because you threatened them.” You accuse.

Kyoya merely sighs.

OHSHC Masterlist

[iluvmattsbeard]

on the phone (c.s)

master list

chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: nothing! just a little angst.

preview: you knew with Chris being famous there would be constant obstacles in the way of your guys relationship. recently, you’ve been having doubts with your relationship since Chris and his brothers left for tour. you wouldn’t be able to see him for almost two months. you couldn’t handle the distance but Chris reassures you everything will be okay.

a/n: big time rush + chris sturniolo. my two favorites at once. masterpiece.

you stand there as you watch the boys load the bus with their luggage. they were leaving for their first tour ever. it was a bitter sweet moment. as happy as you were for the boys, you couldn't help but feel sad at the same time. you and Chris haven't been separated for so long. now he's going to be gone for almost two whole months. Chris asked if you wanted to come along, but you were so busy with college. you and Chris have been dating since high school. so him gaining so much popularity to the point people are paying to see him, has you feeling proud and worried.

you snap out of your thoughts when you hear Nick speak, "well, that was the last bag." you pout slightly as he embraces you in a hug. "I hope you have fun Nick." you say rubbing his back. it was also bitter sweet for you to see Nick and Matt gain so much attention as well. Nick and Matt were like the siblings you never had. you basically grew up with them. "thank you y/n. we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." he says with a smile, pulling away. you were always there by their side no matter what, supporting them. you gave them ideas for videos and you helped film them. when they were doubting themselves, you were there to encourage them to keep pushing. now look, they finally got the recognition they deserve.

Matt embraces you in a hug as he speaks, "we'll update you okay?" you nod and smile. now, the moment you've been dreading. you pull away from Matt when you meet eyes with Chris. you cover your mouth slightly as you try to hold in your tears with a smile. he walks up to you and pulls you in for a big hug, holding you. "hey, don't cry okay? I'll be back soon." he says with his face in the crook of your neck. you sniffle with a soft laugh before speaking, "I know. i’m just so proud of you three." he pulls away a bit still holding onto you. he looks into your eyes as he wipes your tears away. "i'll be fine!" you say with a weak smile. "I'll text and call you every day okay?" he says reassuringly. you nod as he holds your face, bringing you both into a soft passionate kiss. "I love you y/n." he whispers after pulling away. "I love you too Chris." you say wiping your left over tears. you hug one last time before he turns around and gets on the bus.

you stand there as you see the three of them look out the window towards you. you laugh softly as you wave good bye, with them doing the same. when they leave, you walk to your car and sit in there bawling your eyes out right away. you really hoped Chris would keep his words.

the next day, you wake up to seeing a text from Chris.

Chris

hey baby! we're preparing for our show today. can't stop thinking about you already!

you smile before texting back.

Y/N

hi handsome! I hope you have a good show. I know you'll do amazing!

Chris

thank you! you're my motivation.

you let out a small laugh as you get up and start off your day. day 1 without him starts now. you do your morning routine and head to your kitchen. you made yourself a bowl of cereal and sat down scrolling on your phone. when on Twitter, you were seeing fans of the triplets talk about how excited they were to see them. you saw some fans talk about how attractive Chris was and how even more attractive he would look in person. your heart tightens a bit at the comments. you knew you were all his but, sometimes you couldn't help but imagine all these girls all over him. you just shrug off the thoughts that popped up into your head.

as it got later in the day, you continued to scroll through Twitter again as you see the meet and greet pics fans posted. it was weird seeing Chris have his hands on some other girl. but what did you expect? you sigh as a call comes through. it was Chris. you pick it up and answer, "hey Chris" "hey baby. we just got finished with the first show! as nervous as I was, it actually went great. everyone was so nice!" he says happily. "that's awesome Chris. i've seen many meet and greet pics already." you say. "what's wrong y/n?" he asks. your eyes widen a bit as you respond, "what? nothing. why do you think something is wrong?" you say lying through your teeth.

he lets out a small chuckle before responding, "i'm pretty sure I know you. we've been together for how long now? I think I know the way you act." you stay quiet for a bit. he wasn’t wrong. "okay fine, i'm just being a little jealous. you look so cute posing with the fans. a little too cute." you respond. "you? jealous?" he questions with a soft laugh, "well i’ll have you know, you’re all i’m thinking about the whole time." he says. you smile a bit before responding, "okay well still! they get to be in your arms while I have to sit here and suffer." "well like I said, we'll be together after and you'll have me all to yourself when all of this is over okay?" he reassures you. "okay i'm sorry. I know this is your big moment. i don’t want to spoil it by being like this." you say letting out a small nervous laugh. "yeah but your feelings are valid baby." he says.

you both talk for the rest of the night before falling asleep on the phone. as time goes by, it's already the 7th show of the tour. Chris has been progressively getting busier and you had to focus on school. so, your conversations were kept short recently. it was late in the night already as you laid there sniffling. you were left on delivered for a while. yeah you knew he was busy but, this is what you were afraid of. your biggest fear was Chris getting caught up in the limelight that he just has no time for you. you shut your eyes and cry yourself to sleep.

Chris

hey baby! I'm sorry I didn't call you last night. I was so tired out.

all you did was look at it and not respond. you didn't want him to think he had to text you or call you. he should just focus on himself you thought. you didn't want him to think you wanted to be his number 1 priority. you just shut your phone and start off your daily routine.

Chris

hey what are you up to? show is about to start. the weather is nice here in St Louis. I miss you.

you read the text but don't respond again. you were too caught up in your studying to send back a text anyways. you just needed to be distracted.

later in the night, you laid in bed as you see another text.

Chris

is everything okay? are you mad at me?

again, you shut off your phone and drifted off to sleep. after about a hour, your phone buzzes. you groan and pick it up to read the contact name. it was Chris again. you answer and talk tiredly, "hello Chris?" you hear him sniffle before talking, "hey y/n. did I wake you up?" his voice sound raspy. was he crying? "yes but it's okay. what's wrong?" you say sitting up in your bed. "I just missed your voice that's all. I'm sorry I can't be able to talk as much and when shows are over, I just get so tired out." he says. "that's alright." you say feeling terrible. you were so caught up in your feelings that you didn't realize Chris felt the same way. "I know this is all hard right now. just know i'm thinking about you everywhere I go. when I go from city to city, you're always on my mind and there's nothing more that I want but to have you here with me." he says making a tear drop slide down your face.

"I just didn't realize it would be this hard." you say wiping your tear away, letting out a soft laugh. "trust me, I know. we just have to be strong okay?" he says. "soon we'll be together." he adds on. you smile at his words as you whisper, "I love you" "I love you too beautiful." he says. but you still couldn’t shake off the thought. he’s only getting more famous. next thing you know, he’ll just be even busier. it had you doubting everything.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

a few days later, you came home from work bawling your eyes out. you were feeling overwhelmed by everything. you have a terrible boss and he would use his power against everybody. you laid down on your bed with your dirty clothes as you pick up your phone to call Chris. there was no answer. you threw your phone across the bed as you pressed your face against your mattress crying some more. is this how it'll be from now on? when you need him, he's too busy? you felt selfish thinking that. Chris worked hard for where he's at now. but what about you?

you just shut your eyes and drifted off to sleep. you felt like everyday was just a constant replay. nothing was new. you were either at home doing school, actually going to school to take exams, or at work being treated terribly. while Chris was having the time of his life.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

even though Chris reassured you everything will be fine, you couldn't help but feel disappointed still. when you called, he wouldn't answer. when you texted, he texted hours later. it was making you more upset. you only asked for one thing. it was for him to communicate, but he didn't. you always felt like he was leaving you hanging. you scroll on your phone as you see posts from the tour and sigh.

Y/N

Chris I don't know if I could do this.

Chris

what are you talking about baby?

Y/N

this. I can't stand this. I know this is your first tour but, now I can't even imagine more in the future.

again, you felt guilty for feeling this way. you see him type but eventually it stops. you suddenly get an incoming call from him. you pick up about to speak but he cuts you off, "y/n please. listen to me." "this tour will be over soon. once it's over, we'll pick up right where we left off. I know it's hard but, you're not alone. do you think i just let you slip off my mind?" he says. "Chris, I understand you feel the same and trust me I feel terrible even feeling this way but, you're only getting more noticed. who knows how many more tours you'll be on. what am I supposed to do? because even when you are here, you're so caught up with You tube and I just don't want to get in between that." you say. "and when I needed you? you didn't answer me. then you didn't even apologize the next day for it."

Chris stays quiet as he gulps. "I don't know Chris. how will this all work out if this is what you do? this is your job, and I just don't fit in." you finish. "well i'm not the only one whose said this, my brothers also agree that I wouldn't even be here with these opportunities if it weren't for you. all I ask is for you to support me no matter where I am. just because we aren't near each other, doesn't mean this won't work. you do fit in my life. just because I have all this recognition, doesn't mean i'm just going to give up on us. you're the only one who truly knows. you knew me from the start. you do fit in." he says as you let out a sigh, "I can't do this i'm sorry." you say before hanging up.

Chris was left standing there slowly pulling his phone away from his ear. you shut off your phone while hugging one of the stuffed animals Chris got you back in high school. you look at it as you thought to yourself. you missed how simple things use to be.

Chris POV

it's been a while ever since I last heard from y/n. every show has been a struggle for me. we were slowly getting towards the end, but was it worth it? was this all worth it without y/n? our Boston show is our last stop. that was coming up in a few days.

Chris

we can work this out.

i've been texting her and all she does is read them. why couldn't she realize this was hard for me too? "Chris?" I hear Nick call out for me. all I do is look up at him. "we have to set up for today." he says. "yeah i'll be there." I respond looking back at my phone. "Chris, everything will be okay. she'll come around." he says putting a hand on my shoulder. I sigh before responding, "I understand where she comes from. this is all so new. but even when we aren't touring, we let filming get in the way too." "well, don't think about it too hard. I know she'll come around." Nick says before walking away. I really hope so. my heart aches every time i think about her.

End of Chris POV

time passes by as it's now the last show. the triplets finally arrive back to Boston and the first thing Chris wants to do is see you.

Chris

y/n we just got to Boston. please let me see you.

read.

Chris

please i’m back. this is what we’ve been waiting for.

read.

Chris puts his face into his hands as he groans. "come on Chris. lets go stop by the house and say hi to mom and dad." Matt says patting his back. Chris sits up, “have you heard from y/n?” he asks. Matt just looks at him and shakes his head, “nope.” Chris just sighs and nods, “well if she texts, tell her to answer me.” he says.

later during the day, after visiting their parents, the triplets finally arrive at the venue. Chris was washing his face real quick before putting on his outfit. he looks in the mirror shaking his head, "here we go." he whispers out. the time comes and the crowd can be heard chanting. the triplets come out running onto stage as the crowd cheers louder. their show then starts. the show was hilarious. it was obvious the triplets were meant to be up on stage. the fans were really loving them.

after a bit, something catches Chris' eyes. it was a big sign that read 'I love Chris!". "that's a pretty big sign." Chris says into the mic. "is that even allowed?" he continues with a small laugh. "you’re right. nobody else has signs." Matt says joining with a laugh.

"show yourself!" Nick shouts out into the mic. the sign moves revealing a face. "i'm sorry! I didn't get the memo!" you shout out. Chris locks eyes with you as his mouth is left agape in shock. you smile at him as you hear the crowd cheer. the fans obviously knew about you from the start. they adored your guys' relationship.

"hello y/n!" Nick shouts out with a smile. "surprise!" Matt says shaking Chris. Chris then gets off the stage as he pushes through the crowd to get to you. you drop the sign onto the ground as he embraces you in a hug, nearly lifting you up.

"you scared me y/n." he says hiding his face in the crook of your neck. the crowd was going crazy. Marylou and Jimmy were standing there next to you guys, clapping and smiling. you pull away from him as you look into his eyes, "I'm sorry for ever doubting us." you say. he shakes his head before responding, "don't even apologize y/n. i'm just happy you're here." you let out a small laugh as you push him away softly, "okay we'll talk after the show! get back up there." he nods as he kisses you on the cheek, running back up onto stage.

when the show ends, you meet Chris backstage and he embraces you in the same big hug from earlier. "I can't handle another goodbye." Chris whispers. "next time, you're coming with me you understand?" he says. you let out a giggle and kiss his cheek, "okay I will.” you say. “we have lots to talk about.” he says pulling away, planting a soft kiss on your lips. you smile and nod as you both sit down with him talking about the whole experience. even though you doubted this whole thing, you don't regret being in this moment right now. you'll go through what you went through over again if it means you'll be in his arms in the end. no matter what, world wide.

a/n: if you know the iconic sign scene from the show, you know what’s up. LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED! THANK YOU!

[pvssychicken]

Deserve To Love

Pairings: Chris x ADHD/Anxiety!reader

Summary: After messing up yet another friendship due to her impulsivity, y/n starts to question whether or not she even deserves to be loved.

Warnings: Anxiety attack, self harm, angst, pet names, fluff (idk i mightve missed something)

A/n: This is my first fanfic, I know its really bad, im sorry if there are any errors.

Dividers by @bernardsbendystraws

Y/n's POV

3:05pm

When I got home, I immediately ran to my room, slammed the door, and collapsed on my bed in tears.

I knew arguing back with Samantha was a bad idea, but my emotions were so high, I couldnt control my actions. I didnt realize what I was doing until it was already done.

I could hear my phone blowing up, but i just completely ignored it. I knew that it was either Samantha trying to start more shit, or one of her friends trying to start shit with me. Luckily I had enough controt on my emotions at the moment to know that engaging with them was a bad idea.

Eventually though, I caved. I started reading all of the messages they were sending me, and I started to believe it when they told me that im "A self centered asshole who doesn't deserve to be loved."

I was bawling by the time I had finished reading all of the messages. I couldnt take it anymore. I got up from my bed and ran into the bathroom. I grabbed my razor from the shower and started to take it apart. Halfway through, somethng stopped me, I suddenly rembered, I promised chris i wouldnt do it again. Was breaking 3 months of sobriety worth it? But then i remembered everything that Samantha and her friends said to me, and i knew that this was for the best.

Chris POV

4:00pm

Y/n wasnt responding to my texts or calls, and I was fucking worried. After about and hour of her not responding I eventually decided to go to her house, to make sure everything was okay. Her friends had told me that she got into an argument earlier that day, and i had a really bad feeling about why she wasnt responding.

I got to her house and immediately went up to her room, scared of what id find.

I was shocked to find her in my fresh love hoodie (that had blood stains on it already), on her bed, fast asleep, with her mascara running down her face.

I went and sat down next to her, and softly rubbed her arm to wake her up.

"Baby? Whats the matter" I asked, whilst trying to wrap my arms around her.

But she didnt let me. Instead she just rolled over, so she was facing away from me.

"You dont have to keep up the act Chris, you dont have to keep pretending that you care." Her voice was soft, and trembling. "I know youre just pretending to like me because you feel bad for me, you dont have to lie anymore. I know im a self centered bitch who doesnt deserve love"

She then sat up and looked at me, with tears in her eyes. She wrapped her arms around her body, like she was trying to hide something.

"Oh baby, who told you that? Because it is not true" My eyes were now starting to well up with tears, I couldn't bear to hear her talk about herself this way. "I love you so much, and I think that you are the least self centered person ive ever met. Come here" I spoke, wrapping my arms around her. She winced when i gave her a little squeeze, and i then knew what she was hiding.

"Hey sweetheart, can you please roll up your sleeves for me?" She hesitantly looked at me, before rolling up her sleeves, exposing the new scars. "Oh honey, I wish you wouldve come and talked to me before you did anything."

"I-I know, im sorry. I understand if youre mad at me." She buried her face into my chest. Instead of responding, I just pressed kisses to every new scar that had appeared that day, showing her that i could never be mad at her and that she deserved all the love in the world.

[fiendishfables]

hello!! i saw ur blog and i was super excited to see another aroaceee is it alright if you do platonic adam x reader headcanons? he can be reader's friend, sibling, or preferably reader's father figure as long as its platonic, anything u'd like is fine! sorry if my request is kinda weird lol, i just haven't seen a lot of platonic hazbin hotel stuff (especially stuff with adam in it)

a/n: Always good to meet other aroace individuals, indeed. I personally love Adam, he is absolutely my favorite character. I’ve been dying to write for him more and thinking of him as a dad is just my favorite scenario-

warnings: cursing, Adam being Adam, brief mentions of sex, subtle hints at Lute x Adam (if you squint)

words: 944

additional notes: this was one of my first asks I ever got; I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT. Enjoy~!

Adam as a Father Figure

Headcanons

First of all, he never expected to actually have a kid of his own, but now here he was

By the time you turned 6, you knew about every single curse word in existence, along with a (disturbingly) decent amount of female anatomy

Lute gets promoted to babysitter

When Adam is off performing with his band or needed in the council/other Heavenly resides, Lute is responsible for keeping track of his child

Even if she lost you (which she has, multiple times) he won't be that worried

You were a kid and as far as Adam knew, kids needed food

Hence how he knew you would find your way back to him eventually

Okay scratch that, maybe he does get a little worried...a lot

Starts to doubt his ability as a parent

Once he even got Sera to send out a search party for you because you had been gone longer than usual

It worried him sick whenever you went exploring, but he was almost a bit prideful that his offspring had managed to inherit his sneaking around capabilities already at such a young age

Lute has had to console her boss many times in response to your random disappearances under her watchfulness

He has legit been facedown on the couch with his head in her lap whilst he bawls his eyes out, blabbering to her about his worries pertaining to you, and then somehow that stems to his hopes and dreams in life (he doesn't wanna talk about it)

Only for you to walk in with food from some random location about 10 minutes later

You'd be on the floor as soon as you enter the domicile because Adam would have jumped on you and then proceeded to hug the very life out of you (all while stealing your bag of food in the process and running off with it)

Calls you a bitch, dumbass, and 'a little shit' for worrying him

Though he would never openly admit he had been worried

He doesn't care if you have a social life, he wants you home safe before 9pm, sharp

── ･ ｡☆*☽*☆ﾟ.──

Teaches you how to play guitar

He claims its because he wants to pass on one of his awesome talents to his only child, but he also really wants you to join him and his band on stage one day or another

You are in the starter stages of learning and are able to accurately get chords down and learn to read sheet music

A tear just may have come to his eye

The first song you two ever perform together is "Hell is Forever"

He did see someone try to give you a rose after your performance and nearly knocked them out

Trust him, he's a sex and relationship positive guy (for the most part) but he also can't help but feel like he wants to protect you at all costs

If you dare to call him over-protective, he will very gladly give you the silent treatment for a good 5 minutes

After that time mark, he will be groveling at your feet and whining about how sorry he is (rare that he actually says 'sorry')

His biggest fear is his own child having it out for him and not wanting anything to do with him

A clingy parent, no doubt

Wants to train you in the ways of becoming an Exorcist Angel

Poor guy is a bit insecure about everything and needs extra reassurance, though he would never ever outwardly ask for it

That's a sign of weakness in his eyes

Not for his child though

You come to him with even the smallest hint of watery eyes and he is already going full dad-mode

Determined to find the fucker who made you upset

Promises to give em' a good ol' kick in the balls (or vag)

Adam won't discriminate, he's just there to beat the ass of whoever hurt his precious baby

He will get in a fist fight with Sera in order to make you happy

Just expect to be the one he then blames when he gets demoted

── ･ ｡☆*☽*☆ﾟ.──

Adam totally took lots of naps before he had a child, so this just makes for the two of you ending up crashing on the couch together and creating a melodic tune out of your in-sync snoring patterns

Anything the two of you can do together without constantly arguing is a miracle, so this is to be cherished

He has definitely given you some very creative nicknames (as he calls himself 'Dickmaster')

Lute has taken many pictures

She wants to make a photo album and give it to Adam one day just to piss him off

But as she knows how much he really cares for you, she does not want to risk him growing apart from you due to something stupid she did for a few momentary laughs

Let's you two have your moments without interrupting

The two of you always fight over food and who gets to pick where you go for the evening, if going anywhere at all

Lute claims that you are making Adam all the more emotional, but no one seems to be complaining

Especially not the High Council

Its nice to have him shut his mouth for once and remotely think about his actions and who they could potentially effect

Adam has something to lose now, and everyone in both Heaven and Hell alike knew it

No demon spawn would ever get to set even a foot near you

You were the first life he felt truly responsible for

He refuses to fuck it up and lose someone else he cares about

He would protect you until the ends of time, whether you liked it or not

[aimedis]

redacted characters as things in my journal 🎀

relatively big tw - there's like vague to explicit mentions of su!cid3 and heavily implied mental self-esteem struggles in this one (i'm alright at the moment, promise) so if that's triggering to you, don't read. this is kinda heavy and maybe disturbing to read to some people i think.

i decided to do this because i though it was kinda fun and cool to like analyse my stuff and the characters a little bit. sorry if this offends anyone ig? idk 😭 i'll be back with the more lighthearted stuff in a couple days okay let's go ->

darlin: "my feelings aren't in my control most of the time. i don't know why i feel this way."

angel before they broke up with micheal: "i think is funny (but i also feel bad) that he's always talking about "getting married" and "forever" when i have a break up letter sitting in my notes."

freelancer: lyrics to "making the bed - olivia rodirgo"

darlin: "i don't wanna talk about him anymore."

damien: "i just want my mom. and i wish i could go up to her just bawling my fucking eyes out like i'm five-years-old without feeling like a fucking failure but i can't... i've survived long enough and i can do it some more."

darlin before sam: "and a part of me will always miss what once was or could have been. but i know they will never be long term, permanent, or reality. i wasn't created to have a happy ending... but i'm okay with this. it makes it easier to slip away and disappear."

cutie: i don't know what so say really. i just feel empty and alone often. i feel out of place. i feel like everything i do is humiliating or straight up wrong. i don't know what's wrong with me."

gavin: "try as i might, i still feel like i am not in my body. living vicariously... through myself?"

baabe: "i should know. my dad didn't want me enough to stay."

lasko: "man what a fucking baby. stop crying over shit that hasn't even happened."

damien before huxley: "i wish i was dead. do you think if [mom] knew she'd wish that too?" (knew that he was gay)

lovely: lyrics to "strangers - ethel cain"

darlin: "i hope it's not my fault when it's all over. i want one thing to not be my fault. but it probably will be."

angel: "why am i crying. again. over and over and over again. it's all i ever do. cry about this or cry about that."

milo post-inversion: "this hurts a lot more than i thought. the thought of feeling like this forever? it sucks."

freelancer: "fucking kill me. i can't breathe."

sam: "is it wrong to think i don't deserve this or that it's not my fault?"

lasko: "it feels like i'm always apologizing."

david: "it really hurts when i need to talk to [him] so bad but i can't."

huxley post-inversion/xavier's death: "is it just always going to feel like this? holy shit this hurts."

damien: "i'm sorry, mom, i'm sorry."

vincent: "the real me? i don't know who that is anymore."

angel: "one more or one less, nobody's worried. my tummy hurts."

darlin before sam: "i don't plan on feeling like this again. i don't plan on "being in love" ever again. as if i know what that feels like... it makes me feel like shit all the time."

cutie: "after this, i'll go back to being alone. like god intended."

asset: "it's kind of sad how i don't even feel like a person sometimes."

lovely: "every so often it hurts so much i think it's gonna rip me apart from the inside."

asher post-inversion: "and it's like, sometimes it straight up feels like i'm gonna die in that moment."

sweetheart: "my greatest sin to men was being a child."

damien: lyrics to "forwards beckon rebound - adrianne lenker"

[ciellunee]

I DON'T DESERVE LOVE

Pairing- Kento Nanami x reader

Genre- angst, smau, hurt/comfort

Synopsis- Nanami is exhausted and snaps at his girlfriend, making him question if he's even capable of her innocent love?

It was almost 11 PM, and nanami was still not home. You were lazing on the couch, waiting for him to return. Nanami has been a little too busy for the past 2-3 months. You and Nanami have been together for almost 3 years now, and the past few months haven't been the best for the two of you.

Every time you tried talking to him, he'd get really frustrated and snap back at you. You understood his anger and frustrations were due to work stress and let him be.

It's been 13 days since you and nanami held a proper conversation even though you share the mansion. You missed him, his tired face made you worry and you became anxious and depressed. You wanted him to leave the job and find another one, a job that doesn't Overwhelm him like this, but you were too scared to present your views. However, today, you finally decided to voice yourself. This relationship isn't going to doom because of a stupid job!

You knew he didn't mean it. Kento wasn't one to ever hurt you on purpose, let alone make you cry, but today..... it was different.

You want to understand kento tonight aswell, you want to be a doll for him tonight as well. You want to drag yourself to the bed and sleep again, but something just snaps inside you. Your cheeks feel hot, burning water pouring down your eyes, not even realising you're crying, you try to text him back, to tell him you're not his servant but lover, that you demand his respect and crave his love and attention but you're too exhausted to do that. So you stood there, phone in your hand, throat and eyes burning as you let your overthinking get the best of you. *Did he really think you're selfish?*

You didn't realise when you fell asleep in the living room, on the hard wooden floor, face exhausted and strained, cheeks stained by tears you let yourself cry to sleep and for what? Your lover's text? You felt pathetic, "Of course, he was right. I'm always too much to handle he's tired of me" being your exact thoughts before fatigue took over you and your eyes closed.

At around 2:30, your boyfriend entered the home looking absolutely drained. The bags under his eyes are huge. He's done with everything, just wants to be in his love's embrace while he forgets all about his job.

Entering inside, he is met with a tired looking s/o lying on the floor near the couch. His heart sinks as he moves forward to see her face hot and tear stained cheeks. He really never wanted to see you like this, that's why he worked his ass off so that you would never face any difficulties in life. His precious darling could enjoy her life without worrying about deadlines or getting consumed physically and mentally. Nanami never wished to see you like this. His hands shook as he held you close to his heart, mumbling an apology you're too asleep to hear. "It's all my fault, isn't it? I couldn't be the person you deserve. I always wished that you would never get caught in a life where you'll have to trade that glorious smile off for some money, but I did it myself. I don't even remember the last time I made you smile~ You regret choosing me, don't you?"

His eyes gave up, and the stoic jujutsu sorcerer and monotonous salary man nanami kento was bawling. His body shook half from the fatigue and tiredness and remaining from the fact that he became the person he was trying to save you from. His mind played every memory, every moment you two spent together, every time you made nanami smile. Coming home to such a loving partner was his victory in life. It was his achievement. He wanted to protect you, to save your innocent heart, but now he was in his living room crying, contemplating if he ever deserved someone like you?

The next morning, you wake up in your room, your head aching wildly, but you ignore it and search for the only person you wish to see. Did he tuck you in? When did he come home? Where was he? But you could only find a note stuck to the nightstand. "I've got to discuss something really important with my boss, I'll be home soon. Ps- there's some sandwiches and your smoothie in the kitchen. Love (your ken)"

You blushed as your fingers kept going on your Ken. For some reason, this morning felt weirdly positive. Your heart fluttered, thinking you'll finally get to spend some time with your boyfriend after weeks of him ignoring your presence.

After a few hours, your phone dings grabbing your attention, a message from kento pops up~

[indie-summer]

The Cycling RPF Rec List

for @wtfanworkclassification

(tagging the blogs of the authors I know!!)

1. Favorite smut: a vocabulary, expanding by @strigimorphaes

It’s almost unfair that I made myself choose only one for each category, but yes, if I must, this is The One Smut for me. To put it mildly, it makes me weak in the knees every time I read it. It must have been like five times by now. To be read with the AC on and a glass of water by your side. Gotta love p*rn with feelings.

2. Favorite multi chapter: Faking It by @goingslightlymads

Am I biased when talking about this fic? Yes, because it was one of my Secret Santa gifts. Do I think I am unfair? Nope, not at all! I’ve never had any other experience in Cycling RPF like when I read (scratch that, binged) this one: it made me laugh and cry and it had my heart racing and had me hugging pillows at 3am. What a ride.

3. Favorite Sci-fi AU: jonas vingegaard goes back to the sea by @bakurasilver

Beautiful and clever. A reflection on the meaning of life and love, undercover as sci-fi. Bawled my eyes out with this one.

4. Favorite Fantasy AU: Fierce Creatures by @inbetweenpages

Great world building, incredibly fun and hot. Come here for wouthieu and stay for mathsper friendship, a very mysterious vampire!Jonas and a sentient house.

5. Favorite fluff: Worth it by @ridingupsaturn

Melancholic fluff. My favorite kind of fluff. Read it about ten times and had my heart fluttering through all of them. Love is kind of awesome, isn’t it?

6. Favorite angst: Drought by booming_business (part 2 of the A Study in Water series)

Shoutout to sad carpenter!Jonas who made a complete wreck out of me. The entire series is excellent, but this fic in particular is a masterpiece on its own! Also foundational exes!tadejonas fic before it was even a thing. Groundbreaking!!

7. Favorite drabble: doing what heroes do by @etapereine

I have two favorite types of drabbles: the one in which you feel like you read an entire story in just 100 words and the one that immediately makes you feel in absolute need of a 50k story as a follow-up because of all the possibilities it introduces you to. This one is definitely the second kind. I really need a full Percy Jackson AU long fic on my desk in, like, a week ago. Olympian demigods at the Olympics maybe??? Someone please???

8. Favorite crack/comedy: The 2024 Paris-Roubaix mass heat incident by Anonymous

Top 5 funniest shit I’ve ever read in my life and I’m not even exaggerating.

9. Favorite non-cyclists AU: all hearts in love use their own tongues by @thedeadparrot

I’m sorry, I’m not really a well-studied person when it comes to English literature. This is the only way I could ever read Shakespeare. I regret nothing.

10. Favorite remix/fix-it: Unbelievable, or only in Gotham by Lili_Writes_Banhof

Yes I’m parcial yes of course I am biased because it’s fixing one of my fics, but I don’t care. It’s cute, it’s fun, it’s fluffy (like all the awesome works from this author), you should all immediately go read it!

11. Favorite Soulmate AU: All your life by @interdisciplinary-disaster

I never once had given any thoughts about geese before this fic. Also this is the only cycling fic where the main character is not one of the cyclists, but an adorably exhausted old goose (at least the way I see it, because frankly, what a scene stealer). It changed my core!!

12. Favorite rarepair: Jonas is the boss by @mundanememory

Because ok, now everyone loves Jonas/Matteo but back in April it was a rarepair!! And this fic is awesome and hot and clever and features little big boss being… erm, well treated by a lovable giant ginger, so it deserves a million recs!

[leavingsunsets]

hello!

I would like to request hcs (if that's fine with you, because I saw you're more on the fics side :3) for Kinro (bro deserves more love), Sai and Ryusui with a very emotional and empathetic reader, who tries to mask it by acting all cool and unbothered, but it doesn't always work well. I prefer it to be on the more romantic side, but I don't mind the platonic one! It can be either female or gender neutral reader. I will rely on your intuition and creativity.

I hope I explained everything quite sensibly and understandably. ._.

Have a wonderful day!

Ohh my gosh hello hello! I don't mind hcs as well, since i lovw these characters so much like mwah mwah mwah (AHEM AHEM magic man COUGHCOUCGHFOUCGH) but anyways im doing gn reader so lots more ppl can enjoy tehee. here it is !!

"𝙋𝙤𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙞𝙙𝙙𝙚𝙣."

[gn!reader]

𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙧𝙤

Tbh i feel like Kinro is KINDAAA similar in the same sense?? like, all cool n stuff but hes actlly a real sweetie sometimes mwah mwah mwah. also ur right he deserves more love hes literally just a loveable guy

At first i think hed be surprised, like, all, "woah, uh, you good"

but then, i think among the three, isnt that fazed. hes around ginro almost 24/7 cmon.

but once he gets used to you he just stares when you get all cool and so indifferent then he goes "its okay to be sad about it" then you just start beating his chest bawling and he pats your back

platonically, thats what hed do. Like, hed just silently offer support while you tell him your troubles or thoughts. like nod along or put a hand on your shoulder in silent encouragement or just seem so cool while spouting out some wise words. (he puts a hand on your shoulder and you look at him, the wind blows his hair slightly, the light capturing him in a perfect angle. "i understand that feeling. i felt hurt when ginro laughed at the rip in my pants too" he whispers so coolly and you bust out laughing)

romantically, hed be more initiative in this type of stuff i think. like, if he saw you going away on your own hed follow after to talk. or be more nervous cuz this time hes ACTIVELY trying to cheer you up, like tryna be comforting even if his words come out awkward or something like that. "uhmm, thats bad.. uh.. do you wanna. do you wanna hug?"

either way, 10/10 this man will never disappoint, he doesnt, and he didnt. he is underrated and we should talk about him more def

𝙍𝙮𝙪𝙨𝙪𝙞 𝙉𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙞

Ohoooo. this maaan is likeeee. i dunno man i feel like he literally has the same reaction to every single type of person.

encouraging, supportive, and just a big big ball of sun

hed just pin you down as an interesting person and spout some compliments

even when you first meet and he sees how you work hes like "👍!!"

So lets say close friends now. he sees you go 'its okay. I dont care' and he sees you be all 'im going to dramatically sit on a rock and have a glistening tear down my face lit by the sun' and he'll like, smack your back 4 times going 'ITS OKAY MY FRIEND ITS OKAY'

Platonic?? just like that. how he treats everyone which is of course very special. goes 'hey, its alright. like really. im here to be a bud and give u some encouragement' and be all like 'DW MY FRIEND' and just even gives u nice talks

ROMANTICALLY?? kind of the same, but but but but. he litrlly goes and does smthng to cheer u up. like litrlly does the same as platonically, but later even when ur all cheered up, brings u to a nice place like a nice view. Doesnt SAY anything cheesy but ltrlly aheaeha RAWR ryusui nanami i cant believe you just took me to a nice dinner date

𝙎𝙖𝙞 𝙉𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙞

okay hmmm. idk depends on the intensity of it he MIGHT be averse?? Not entirely but as long as youre not bawling and sniffling i think ur good 👍

ok so u first meet right? and then he meets u 'oh cool person ok. rlly chill' then after awhile he sees you start sniffling over someones sob story and hes all like 'aweee'

NOT IN A 'thats cute' WAY LIKE. HES JUS LIKE THINKING 'OH THIS PERSON RLLY CARES ALOT THATS SWEET A LITTLE'

maybe that might be a bonding factor. Like, the fact that ur empathetic and soooo YKNOW, YOU

so like when u werent close he was all like 'ohh. ahhh wow. i see.' now hes all like 'haha theres my little gober gomble with the gummy goo' but he will never say that ofc grrr

PLATONICALLY. hes as goober as can be. literally being all friends friends with you and loving your company. like, actively approaches you and goes 'hey!!!! :3!!'. literally a sweetie yall talk about stuff and the whole time hes like :3 and all supportive and encouraging throughout whatever ur feeling, blue or yello, red or green.

fixes my bowtie. Now. ROMANTICALLY?? so this is only it does blossom after the platonic stage. he does the same things, except all 'hmgngmg omg.. its them...' inside now. More active tending to you in your moments, happy or blue. like cheering if ur cheering, fretting over u if youre sad over smthng, stuff like that. or angry, like going 'PLS PLS PLS PLS' holding you back from hitting someone on the head. literally just the same in platonic but hes so so so sooo in love with you and loves you, for being you, more than anything

_____________

WHEW and thats. yeah. thats it. Again i am so sorry for the disproportionate pics n headers EVERYTIME i literally crop them on my own sometimes n i dont know where else to get them. but yah i hope u enjoyed and sorry it took soo long :333 !! Hcs are easier for me 2 do than fics because they take less time and like, hmm, its not that hard since theres no plot planning or proofreading or anything like that. but yes WOOO ENJOY I HOPE YALL KEEP ENJOYIG THE RARE FICS IS PUT OUT IM SO SORRY FOR THAT TOO 😭😭

[terriblyvexed]

hey hey! its one of your readers on ao3 i realized i can ask questions on tumblr so i am trying it out. this may be a controversial question as opinions vary greatly from person to person lool but i am curious being a fellow fan of aot and a fan of your work, so, what did you think about the ending to aot? 👀

(personally i subscribe to a specific fan theory (NOT ANR GOD FORBID i rebuke it!) to keep hope alive in my heart that theres more aot to come cause i did not like the ending much so basically, theres no judgement from me srsly im delulu myself as it stands 😭💯)

anyway thats all thank you for writing left behind and answering my question (potentially)! hope you have a great rest of your day :D

Yeah I know your nickname haha and you can ask or yap about anything!

Ahh yes the ending opinions where swords are drawn two minutes into the debate lol and it’s annoying that people can’t state their thoughts as freely because of the toxicity from every side. This is going to be long I’m sorry😭

I personally didn’t like the ending that much either. I don’t think it’s as bad as people make it out to be, I mean we’ve all seen GoT, but I know a story like AoT could’ve done a little bit better than that, so. It’s not that I wanted Eren to live happily ever after, because his death made the most sense even before I knew about it, but it’s the execution of the episode in general that makes it feel rushed for me.

Mikasa killing him is a beautifully tragic twist, I started bawling my eyes out right there, but I wish the cabin scene was done differently. For me it didn’t feel as raw and honest as the Eren-Armin convo, which I’m not the biggest fan of either, but I’ve always wanted more communication for Eremika so maybe that makes me bitter. Let me see them talk about the table scene and let me see Eren apologise to her. It’s their last moment together, I wanted to see more emotion and honesty rather than an already established relationship that they did off camera. I get what it’s trying to show, and the scene itself is not bad, but I was just a big EM shipper at the time and hoped for more. (I felt the same back when he told her he would wrap that scarf around her forever and always. It hit me just in the right place I remember wanting them to talk about it afterwards but nothing was said.) Same with the memories he gave back to his friends, I’d have liked to see them talk. Him opening his eyes one last time to see her was beautiful no comment there.

Other than that I also LOVED when Levi saluted his friends and comrades! Liked his internal monologue where he said he didn’t regret not bringing Erwin back (Which also made me wish we could’ve seen Armin coming up with impressive strategies and ideas like he used to.)

I liked how Hange was sent off, but I missed them in the final fight.

I really liked the rumbling montage with Guilty Hero playing and Armin’s VA pouring her heart out + that cry at the end when Armin sees Eren. The Levi&Mikasa team-up/final stand was amazing. Those were all done nicely, but that’s pretty much it for me.

For some reason I wasn’t vibing with Annie. I mean she was never my fav but her in season one and in her ova was so much more interesting to me.

I was left underwhelmed by the final fight considering we’ve had great battles like RTS and Liberio previously, it does not compare in my opinion. I understand that Eren won’t kill his friends and I definitely agree with that, but something else could’ve been done with Ymir to make the stakes higher. The ancient titans didn’t feel threatening when you just knew no one was going to die, especially when Falco (first time flying) could dodge all of their arrows.

When everyone there turned into titans, like Jean and Connie, I would’ve preferred if they stayed titans and died when the curse ended. Bringing them back a few minutes later is just meh for me, and makes the emotions I’ve felt a one time thing only because that Jean&Connie dialogue didn’t hit the same afterwards. Not to mention that Connie’s mom was brought back only for us to not see their reunion lol.

Ymir’s storyline was interesting when Eren saw her memories, but after that she lost me a bit. I also don’t like that that *chef’s kiss* scene with Eren telling her she’s just a person didn’t free her at all, that killing Zeke stopped the Rumbling, that Levi was nerfed for the sake of the fight. If all these decisions were done in a slightly expanded time period, I don’t think I would’ve minded much. Especially the final episode itself was, again, rushed in my opinion.

Also, this isn’t just the finale but Historia being sidelined like that is a no-no for me. Not a fan of how the Hizuru-Mikasa plot line didn’t go anywhere either. That may just be nitpicking, but again I do believe season 4 should’ve been longer, maybe with a season 5 as well.

With all that being said, these are just my personal opinions/feelings and despite all, thematically the author did a good job wrapping everything up. Ending a story like AoT couldn’t have been easy at all. Watching it was an experience I don’t think I’ll ever forget or get over and I’m forever going to miss it. (I’m reading the manga now and the uprising arc has me hooked since it’s a bit different from the anime, and dare I say better?)

The ending didn’t ruin it for me or anything, just sad that I won’t get to see the things I wanted to see because naturally everyone has their own expectations, but what are fanfictions for?

What’s the fan theory that you believe? Other than that ANR I’ve heard about the mist and ouroboros but I’ve never read them in detail.

Thank you for reading Left Behind! I’d also like to state that my criticism of the AoT ending does not mean I’ll write one better lol. I like my ending for my story but I’ve already made peace with the fact that some readers might have problems with it. Which is fine as well because I love a good finale debate.

You have a great day/night as well!💓

[sokuly419]

I don’t typically make posts like this myself, but maybe some others would like to hear it. This is something of a stream of thought so sorry if it seems choppy and whatever.

I’m not going to sugar coat it. This election was absolutely awful. I know we’re all fucking terrified. We’re all grieving. Famous show hosts to politicians on both sides of the aisle are in tears with us.

I bawled before they called it. I cried once Trump broke 100 electoral votes well before Harris. I knew it was over by time I went to bed. My best friend tried to talk me out of it, telling me it wasn’t over until it was. I absolutely bawled when I saw 210. My wife held me while I just sobbed in a way I haven’t in a very long time.

I am terrified. And heartbroken. And pissed.

Now… we have to live. Trust me, I’m having those thoughts too. Many of us are. But the biggest middle finger you can give to them is to stay alive. They want us dead. We know that. Don’t make it easy for them. Don’t make any of this easy for them.

Take your time to cry, scream, lose control for a moment. But don’t kill yourself. You will have a place in fighting back that no one else can take. You don’t have to be on the frontlines. Just simply staying alive is fighting back and if that’s all you can give, we’ll take it.

Listen to your favorite song one more time. And maybe again after that. And again. Rewatch your favorite show or movie. Do it a few times so you don’t forget your favorite scenes or lines. Read your favorite book or fanfic. Escape for a bit. Make your favorite comfort food.

Are you looking forward to a new show? A new season of a show you like? A new movie maybe? Is one of your favorite musicians releasing new music soon? Do you have pets? They won’t understand and they’ll miss you.

I don’t care what you have to do to keep seeing the next day, just do it. I know it’s hard. I really, really do. I’ve been there. I’ve tried more than once. I still have those thoughts. And those thoughts got bad again with the outcome of the election. We’ve already lost so many people because of it, there’s no denying it.

I hope this can reach at least one person who needs it. If this can save even one person from taking their life, I’ll take it.

Right now, I’m looking forward to season 2 of Arcane. I rewatched season 1. A She-Ra rewatch is in my sights too. I’ve been listening to new (to me) music. If you have Spotify, the daylist is a good way to get new music through the day. I have pets and they wouldn’t understand. I can’t do that to them. And it would devastate my wife. And my family. I have yet to reread a couple of my favorite fics.

Take it from someone who lost a best friend to suicide. The grief… it’s not something that can be explained. You will be missed. Your best friend will scream and cry and cuss out every deity there is. They will feel like they failed you in every way. I don’t wish that kind of grief on anyone. If I didn’t have the list of things I’m pushing through for, the experience I went through definitely would make me think long and hard about it.

Now is the time we organize and fight back. And we can’t do it without you. You’re fighting back by living, so live. And keep living. Stay as safe as you possibly can. I love you, stranger reading this. I see you. Let’s hold hands or hug or whatever and just breathe together for a minute. We’re alive. And we have to stay that way for as long as possible.

Don’t forget: the first Pride was a riot.

We got this. We’re going to do it terrified. But we’re gonna do it. We have to. We owe it to those before us.

[chuluoyi]

tw vent — a personal life problem. i just have to leave it here bc i’ve been crying for two days. it’s long… so feel free to scroll past it :’)

i’m… about to break up with my bf of 2 years

he’s a really kind person. and i don’t exaggerate it. he always makes sure to show me that he loves me through little actions like forehead kisses whenever we meet up, getting me a customized keychain with my name on it, getting me meaningful gifts and flowers on important dates unprompted… and every simple and little gift he gave me i have stored inside a box and there are so many i’m bawling whenever i look at them bc i’m so touched that a man who loves me really exists :’) he’s my prayers coming true. i used to pray for a boy who will accept me as i am and he comes at the perfect time near the end of my college year when i thought everything in this world was jaded

not only that he also spoils me, goes along with anything i say… he is serious regarding our relationship, introduces me to his parents and siblings. i thought i no longer have any worries about the future. and i can say i’m 90% content with my life now— a great job, a nice boyfriend, financially independent… my life is too good sometimes it feels scary

but there’s no such thing as a perfect life and i’ve dreaded it quite some time… because i know that both of us have been avoiding a certain issue just so we don’t burst our happy bubble… and now that issue has come to bite us

we’ve been in a LDR for two years and i’m honestly okay with it, but whenever questions about the future comes up—like “where should we live in the future?” i always clamp up bc for certain i want to live in my hometown, where my job, parents and social life are. but the thing is… he has his own thing in his city, where his parents reside and he’s the first son so he’ll inherit the family business there

i eventually voiced my worries about this to him, and do you know what his first reaction was? i was so sure he’d immediately get worked up and convince me to leave my job

but no. it never happened

he was so shaken. and yet… he never denied me. he said he’d talk to his parents about it… he said he’d be fine with this arrangement even if he has to be the one going back and forth. he said anything that would make me happy… he’d do it

and i believe him. until the end, i believe him. because he really means it even until the end

i’ve predicted it already. no way are his parents going to agree with this. i know bc just put yourself in their position—your bright first son has everything in order, set to inherit the family business, but he’s going to live a hard life of LDR only for some girl… that’s simply unacceptable

now you might wonder why i’m so dead set with living in my hometown. in chinese culture, when a girl marries, she usually lets go of everything and goes with the husband. but i really, really love my job here. i love the work i’ve been doing, community and friends i’ve made here, the salary and whatnot. not everyone gets a chance to work in my company bc it’s considered prestigious. working here gives me a purpose— i feel enabled here and i can be a part of something greater. i’ve won awards and i’m considered for a promotion too in just 2 years in this company, so it’s really hard for me to let go of it when i know i can be more than just a housewife. and so, whenever i imagine that i have to leave this company one day… i’m crushed

and not only that, my parents only have me. i’m an only child, and my father’s health condition isn’t the best either. i can only shudder whenever i think of them being alone if left them here

sometimes i think i’m too selfish for wanting this. for wanting to keep my job. for wanting to be with my parents. for keeping my social life. my bf is the one sacrificing energy and money twice a month to meet me in my city, and even then i still want to ask for more

but… i really can’t lie to myself and say it’s fine when it’s not. and what makes me cry even harder is the fact that when he finally tells me what his parents’ opinions are… he cries too and said all of these:

“i want us to be together. i feel so, so lucky to have met you. there are some days in which i thought that if you weren’t there… then it’d be much harder.”

“i’m always so happy seeing you all happy and energetic, doing things you love. i don’t want to take that from you.”

“if i make you go with me, i’m afraid that one day… you’ll regret leaving. i’m afraid you’ll be unhappy and tell me ‘if i’ve known this earlier… i wouldn’t have left at all.’”

it’s the depth in which he thought of all of these. i cried on the spot in front of him because… what have i done? what should i do? i love him, i really do but in the end, i can’t let go of everything for him either

and the cherry on top? he doesn’t even want to instigate the break up. he said everything is in my hands now. he wants nothing more than keeping our relationship, but he doesn’t have the heart to make me unhappy. even until the end, he says whatever my decision is… he’ll accept it even if it hurts

i’ve been crying since yesterday. it’s so hard to let him go when memories of the past two years pop up one by one. he’ll pick me up, hug me on hard days, tell me that i’ll do just well, adore me and make me feel confident in myself… he’s been a really great emotional support for me and i’m so, so grateful to have met him too

now we’re still in a limbo. i’m too shaken so i obviously am not able to tell him what my answer is. we agreed to think of this further and talk about our decision in 2 weeks, when he’ll come to meet me again

i don’t know what my answer is even until now. i know the best course is probably breaking up bc we can’t agree on this particular point… but it’s not easy, not when we still love each other this much

. . .

for any of you who have taken the time to read this until the end… thank you :’) this blog is the safest corner i have and i really don’t want to bring any sort of negativity here… but this time i’m just too sad with everything and i think i need a space to confide in💔

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Hey everyone.

Maybe some of you have noticed that my writing's been super sporadic since like June (if you haven't that's very okay) but I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been happening in my life because it's had a pretty big impact on my writing.

It turns out that I'm actually ace.

So, if you happen to notice an uptick in me writing fics with ace characters who still get to be loved, I'm just trying to process a thing.

Please feel free to skip the rest of this post if you're not interested in the harrowing journey of self discovery. I am absolutely giving too much information about my life, I'm just really working at processing everything and I'm hoping writing it out will help. And honestly, there have been some beautiful souls in the Tumblr community who have given me some beautiful encouragement (including but not limited to @basicallyahedgehog who answered an anon ask I sent them the other day with so much kindness and encouragement because I'd bawled my eyes out about one of their fics featuring ace Harry/Draco.).

(Anyway. If you want to read a ramble about all of the things I'm struggling with at the present moment, I'm gladly accepting advice and kindness at this time. Please read below the cut and chime in if you have anything hopeful to add.)

For most of my life I've pretty comfortably called myself a "picky bi" and in the past couple of years have labeled myself "demisexual" because I'm not sex repulsed; I've had sex, it was fine/good when it's with someone who I'm in love with. I moved on from the labeling, content with the label I'd given myself and whatnot.

It's been a minute (read: 8+ years) since I've been in a relationship that got to the point where I've considered having sex but I didn't really think all that much of it. In retrospect, I think this is largely because I've grown a lot in terms of self respect and honoring my own autonomy. Somewhere around 25, I started saying no when I didn't want something and if the other person didn't respect that decision they were not worth my time.

Anyway, it didn't really occur to me that perhaps going nearly a decade without thinking about/wanting to have sex with anyone (and without experiencing even vague aesthetic attraction to someone with only the odd exception here and there- some of you saw that post a couple of months ago, apparently just having the thought that someone is pretty isn't the same as attraction that allo people experience- so that panic now seems pretty unnecessary. It literally boggles my mind that people can just see a person they've never met and want to have sex with them. Anyway, I'm digressing.) Apparently, it's not a common occurrence even among demisexuals to go that long without thinking about sex if you have emotional intimacy with people (which I do). So fast forward to June when I went to a conference for lgbtqia christians and started listening to people talk about attraction.

To say that my experience of attraction and desire for sex is profoundly different than that of nearly all of the people that I talked to at that conference would be an understatement.

After that conference, I started talking to a lot of friends about their experience of attraction and their desire for sex (eventually this also included some new friends who are demi/ace) and have been a little flabbergasted by their responses. Suddenly, in light of the fact that my body doesn't interpret a lot of things the way that other peoples' seem to, a lot of things started to make sense.

I've been called a flirt (at best, and a [cock]tease in more unpleasant moments) my entire life because I always want to give people gentle physical affection; I love holding hands, touching people on the arm while we're having a conversation, playing with peoples' hair, hugging, leaning, the list is long- none of those things have ever felt like flirting to me. Every one of those actions was the end in itself, there was no artifice in my touches, no desire or even thought for more, but APPARENTLY that is not the thing that happens in a lot of peoples' bodies. It is incomprehensible to me that simple, affectionate touches are not something that everyone just wants to do to anyone that they harbor platonic affection for. This also applies to the way that I communicate with people. Again, I've been called a flirt, been told that I'm intense, been told that I'm trying to 'steal' peoples' boy/girl friends simply by being friends with them. APPARENTLY, showing "too much" interest in other peoples' lives and hobbies is flirting. APPARENTLY, getting really excited for people who are excited and doing cool things is flirting. Because (or so I have been told) the emotional energy I expend is too much to just be friends; surely, I have another angle.

Next, in terms of attraction, I experience attraction to beautiful things in nature in the same way that I experience it to people. If I'm being honest, nature makes my heart sing in a way that people usually don't. I can get caught up in the beauty of the world; the vastness of the ocean for literal hours, in the majesty of the mountains, the strength of trees, the way water carves a path through the rocks in glens and waterfalls. The world takes my breath away, it makes me weep just to exist in nature. Apparently, this in not everyone's experience of nature and apparently, many people who want to have sex don't think that trees, or bodies of water, or mountains have as much (or more, in my humble opinion) appeal than humans.

It's come to my attention that even the way that I have experienced heart break from relationships where I was "in love" and having sex is not the way that people typically experience heartbreak. All heart break feels the same to me; grieving leaving a job, grieving the death of a loved one, grieving horrible things that happen to my students, grieving the loss of friendships, and grieving the loss of a relationship feel like the same heart break. (Like some of those things hurt worse than others but the heart break over the loss of a relationship isn't worse.) One of my friends mentioned that I grieve the passing of summer into autumn (I fucking hate the winter) like the loss of a relationship and I wish I could say that she is wrong. I've been told my whole life that I experience my emotions too big and I just can't help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation there, but I digress.

The literal dream for my life is to have someone who wants to get in the car or on a plane and travel with me. Someone who I can make coffee for in the mornings and who wants to cook me dinner at night. Someone who wants to sit on the couch after a long day at work and talk about nothing, or watch a show, or just exist together. Someone who wants to dance with me in the kitchen, and hold my hand while we walk, who wants to smile at me while I ramble about nature. I want someone who wants to hold me when I cry, who wants to listen to me when I'm mad, someone who will remind me to take a break when I'm working too hard. The only thing that I actually want from a partner is just someone to do life with. It's not that I'm opposed to sex, it's just that it literally doesn't matter.

(So many things in past relationships, so many fights, so many of the reasons that I was left, so many things that I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND make sense now. Or at least they're starting to.)

So. In the process of understanding this complete fuckery, of trying to put all of the pieces that haven't quite made sense in my life into order, in the end of July my best friend told me that she's in love with me.

And on the one hand, I'm fucking over the moon, delighted, honored, speechless, crazy-happy. She's literally the best person I have ever known, she's the kindest, sweetest, most loyal, loving, amazing human being to ever exist. She loves me so well, so completely, like all of the things that I said above that are my dream; that is her. We road trip together, and she lets me braid her hair, and we snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and we talk for hours (literally hours, when we road trip we go for 7-10 days at a time and I like do not shut the fuck up for more than like 5 minutes total the entire day and she loves me; loves listening to me talk about whatever is in my brain), and when I'm going on and on about how pretty things are in nature she looks at me like I'm the pretty thing (when I say, 'oh my gosh. that mountain, tree, lake, ocean, etc. is so beautiful.' she literally says 'you're so beautiful' and I am deceased, my heart can't take it, I can't fucking stop smiling- I don't even want to), and she lets me info dump about whatever I'm learning, and she loves my brain and my stupid adhd, and she plays me sappy love songs and sings them to me (and she sings in my car, sings to me even though she doesn't sing in front of people) and and and... she makes me feel like I'm good. She makes me feel like I'm all of the things that other people have said I'm not.

And I am constantly terrified of hurting her.

There are a variety of reasons we're not planning on having sex (partially because it's not really something that I want) that I'm not going to get into but I'm afraid of being what I've been to other people. I'm afraid of her feeling like I'm pushing her buttons because I just always want to be touching her (very platonically) like just having our shoulders bumping while we walk, or putting my head on her shoulder when we're on the couch, or letting our elbows press against one another while we're in the car. BUT what happens in our bodies when we're touching like that is really different. Like I described above, for me any type of touch is really the end goal in and of itself (if I'm braiding her hair, it's safe to assume that that is all I want to be doing. If I'm leaning against her on the couch, that too is what I'm wanting.) But that's not always how her body wants to interpret touch, even if she logically knows that I'm not intentionally teasing (she would never say that she feels like I'm trying to tease her, for the record, it's just the easiest way for me to articulate what it feels like could be happening).

And I love her so much, like so much; I'd do anything for her but it's not the same kind of love that she feels for me. By which I mean that she is just really gay and actively attracted to me emotionally/physically but for me if she started dating someone else, I'd be actually fine with that. If she was dating/having sex with someone I wouldn't be jealous, as long as we still get to be friends. (And maybe her dating would necessarily change the dynamic of our friendship and that would be really hard but that's a different mental exercise.) This isn't the way that she feels.

She is so special and important to me but even the way that we are aware of the other person's presence is different. For me, if I'm in a group of people and she's there, I'm aware of that on some level but it's not at the forefront of my mind. My brain is always sort of 'triaging' the people around me when they're my friends; who's being too quiet? who has been going through a rough patch with work/family, etc? who has an exciting new thing they need someone to squeal about with them? who hasn't been included in the conversation in too long? (see the paragraph above about flirting. haha.) She's there but she often isn't the first person I'm thinking about because I talk to her almost every day, I get to love her every day, and odds are good that we either drove together or will talk on the phone our way home from the event- I see the other people there less, so my brain just prioritizes them since I have less time to love them. (This is actually really good, healthy progress for me in terms of healthy attachment and not forming a codependent relationship. My therapist and I are really proud of the work I'm doing, but I'm digressing again.) For her, though, she always knows exactly where I am. It is work for her to pay attention to other conversations, work to be in a different room. In most situations, I am the person she defaults to thinking about and wanting to be near and she has to actively choose other things if she wants to. (And I don't mean to sound like an absolute asshole, it's not like I ignore her or anything, and I'm delighted for us to be in the same conversations, it's just a different way that we engage with the world.)

I love her so much. And I'm afraid of messing everything up. Of hurting her. Of asking too much of her without asking for anything at all. I try to let her be the one to initiate physical touch (or I ask first) because sometimes it's too hard on her body and that's fair. I feel frustrated with the different ways that we experience love for each other because the way that she loves me feels so good and safe to me and it makes me feel so happy. I'm afraid that the way that I love her doesn't feel as nice for her, that it feels less than, that the way I express my love and devotion isn't as good. I'm afraid that the way she loves me is going to wear her out. She always says she knows I love her just as much as she loves me, it's just different. She says she's okay, she says that the way I love her is good for her and she's happy. But it's hard to believe.

I'm afraid that she'll fall in love with someone else who can love her the way she loves and I won't matter to her anymore (partially because that's been my experience of people who have said they're in love with me). I'm afraid.

Is it even fair to entertain the idea of maybe having a whole life together? (we're already entertaining the ideas, already daydreaming about 'what if we lived together', where we're going on our next road trip, etc. And I'm terrified.) Is it asking her to give up too much? I would spend the rest of my life with her. I'd be good and kind to her, I would love her with so much tenderness. But is it enough? Am I enough with just the things that I have to give? Is it actually possible for someone to love me for just me and not for the ways that I could contort myself to be something I'm not?

I recognize the irony in what I'm asking. I know that that's what all of these hundreds of stories I've written here say, it's what I want to believe. But is it even possible when it's reality?

I don't know. Does anyone have any good advice? Any ace people out there living with a person who's in love with them? Does anyone have something that's lasted?

[tiniedemon]

— ♡

with an insecure s/o headcanons

main 3 + butters

— ♡

stan

— doesn’t really understand why you’d be insecure but does his best to comfort you anyways

— all about body worship and hyping you up

— always commenting super sappy stuff on your posts

— “my s/o is quite literally the most perfect person on planet earth & i will die on this hill”

— will gladly lend you his clothes if they’re big on you & you wanna hide your body

— loves loves loves kissing all over all your “flaws” & telling you how much he loves them

— always gets super upset when you talk down on yourself

— “baby no you’re so amazing! why would say that about yourself?”

— feels like you’re dissing him too when you hate on yourself

kyle

— is genuinely so confused

— he’s a logical guy, thinks with facts

— if he doesn’t see something genuinely gross he doesn’t understand where there would be a problem

— gives you the dumbest look ever when you tell him the first time

— “but why though? you’re perfect the way you are.”

— he’s super sweet once he realizes you genuinely don’t like these things about yourself

— then he’s showing you pictures of sculptures of the greek gods

— specifically aphrodite

— “i don’t know why you’d hate yourself when this is the beauty standard for a literal goddess.”

— also lets you wear his clothes because it’s a confidence boost

— and because you look so damn good in them

— consistently telling you how beautiful you are

— doesn’t really know how to help when you’re crying about it but he’ll try his hardest

— also big into body worship bc you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on

kenny

— also doesn’t understand

— he wouldn’t call you pretty if he thought you were ugly so why do you think you’re ugly?

— constantly groping you and showing love to the spots you’re insecure about

— actually cries when you tell him everything you hate about yourself

— “i just don’t understand. you’re so perfect” *sobbing profusely*

— his sweet nothings consist of telling you everything he loves about you

— practically throws himself at you every chance he gets

— wants you to feel desirable and loved every second of every day

— “baby you’re making me weak in the knees right now” “i’m literally just breathing” “exactly you’re so pretty when you breathe 🥹”

— listens to everything you say even tho it hurts him that you feel this way

— doesn’t really know how to give advice but gladly offers a shoulder to cry on and uplifts you every chance he gets

butters

— by far the sweetest

— but also the most savage

— “bitch with an ass like that you better feel perfect”

— “wait but don’t cry i think you’re perfect just like this”

— frantically googles how to make his s/o feel better about themselves

— follows the wikihow article to a t and is surprised when it doesn’t work

— gifts you love letters about how perfect you are

— leaves post it reminders on your mirror to be a little nicer to yourself

— “you cut so much slack for everyone else, why not for yourself?”

— surprisingly gives the most advice of them all

— “pick one thing about yourself to work on loving for this week and i’ll help you”

— he’s so panicked when you’re crying that he just ends up bawling too

— but he still hugs you so that’s a plus

— every time you tell him something you don’t dislike about yourself he gives you his perspective

— his life goal is to make you love yourself as much as he does