#every time I read NA I just die of cuteness

[bethanydelleman]

I think this paragraph has a lot to do with why Henry Tilney and Catherine Morland work:

Having heard the day before in Milsom Street that their elder brother, Captain Tilney, was expected almost every hour, she was at no loss for the name of a very fashionable-looking, handsome young man, whom she had never seen before, and who now evidently belonged to their party. She looked at him with great admiration, and even supposed it possible that some people might think him handsomer than his brother, though, in her eyes, his air was more assuming, and his countenance less prepossessing. His taste and manners were beyond a doubt decidedly inferior; for, within her hearing, he not only protested against every thought of dancing himself, but even laughed openly at Henry for finding it possible... Catherine, meanwhile, undisturbed by presentiments of such an evil, or of any evil at all, except that of having but a short set to dance down, enjoyed her usual happiness with Henry Tilney, listening with sparkling eyes to everything he said; and, in finding him irresistible, becoming so herself.

Henry is a second son, and not only that, his brother is HOT. Smoking hot, and from what we hear of him later, pretty charming, though not funny charming. Catherine takes one look at him, is like, “Well, other people might think he’s handsome,” and then focuses on Henry.

How often has this happened in Henry’s life? Is the usual way of things that a girl dances with him, finds out who he is and tries to trade up for his brother, Isabella-esq? I can see that happening to a second son, a mere clergyman A LOT. But the thought doesn’t even enter Catherine’s head, she’s all about Henry. She’s loyal, she’s disinterested, she’s not a mercenary. How gratifying it must be to be her first and only choice!

Is it any wonder that he falls in love with her? I say no.

[jwirecs]

RECOMMENDED NCT FICS OF JULY 2023💖

hello, hello! here are my nct recs of july! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Baseball (& Other Disasters) || @tqmies💕✅

↳ Everyone admired Mark Lee, starting pitcher of your school’s baseball team and famed ladies man. You, on the other hand, only know him as the boy who broke your dorm lobbies microwave the first time you met. Too bad that was all it took to grow an embarrassingly huge crush on him. So when he comes to you, in need of a new baseball manager, how could you say no to that face? (Spoiler: You couldn’t) 

Let You || @waerie💕✅💯💯

↳ jisung would never let anyone ruin his game, so he says to his friends. but the claim deteriorates when you come. (stop this is the cutest jisung fic that i have read in this month. fcking enjoyed this fic so much with all of the cuteness)

Reminiscing || @ihaechans​​​​💕✅

↳ Time flies. Especially with best friend and nerdy ride or die Mark Lee. Reminiscing on the rooftop leads to foreign emotions and forgotten memories to rise to the surface, and the obvious tension between you two can no longer be avoided.

April Showers || @lelengerine💕✅

↳ you never liked staying out while it rained, but perhaps you’d be okay with being all soaked if it meant being with him.

Caramel || @nctmiami💕✅

↳ jaehyun can’t wait to get home to you after a boys trip

Exhaustion || @xrenjunniesx💕✅

↳ moving houses is tiring, but it’s easier when you’re with your loved one.

Flustered By You || @lelengerine💕✅

↳ your boyfriend surely knows how to make you flustered, even when he’s the one who should be.

Fucking Up The Sheets || @ah-ga-seven​​​​🔞✅

↳ (no summary, but its just jaehyun casually fcking up the sheets.)

Rule Number 1: Don't Fall In Love || @jaylaxies🔞💕💔✅

↳ your ex getting a girlfriend after just two weeks of breakup was enough to infuriate you to the point where you had to step up and make him regret breaking your heart. solution? fake date his best friend and make him jealous!

How About Now? || @nctsplug02🔞✅

↳ Anon Req: Recently I been thinking about romantic sensual sex with Johnny but it lasts like the whole night. Different positions, cuddles, cream pies UGHHHHHHHH I WANT THIS MANNB 😭😭😩😩😩

Lowkey || @onyourhyuck🔞✅

↳ You and Jaemin are best friends but behind the close doors you have a lowkey relationship that no one knows about.

Wicked Games || @cherryeoniis​​​​💕✅

↳ And even as your heart breaks, you can’t deny that having him against you feels like your own small piece of heaven.

After You || @ryozaki21🔞💕💔✅💯💯

↳ Na Jaemin had it easy. Loved by everybody, the man of everyone's dream. He's a perfect mix of a charmer and a player. Girls begged to be his, and he loved every part of it. Life used to be so fucking perfect for him. Then comes you. You're like an old book, ink fading, cover tearing, but he swears you're worth the read. Before you, life was easy. After you? He wasn't so sure.

Blue To Orange || @seren1tyhaze🔞✅

↳ your break up leaves you with a plane ticket to Greece on a couples trip with your best friend and her partner. she convinces you to still come on the trip and you meet two strangers who leave you with memories of long nights under a stunning starry sky.

Dog Sitting Gone Wrong || @onyourhyuck🔞✅

↳ You were hired by a rich man to babysit his daughter, when you arrive you realise his daughter is a dog and you’re now dog sitting while he is out running errands.

Hotel Paradise || @jaesheart🔞✅💯

↳ you visit an exclusive brothel for the second time to satisfy your needs.

My Little Doll || @haechansdoll🔞✅💯

↳ Humans have hormones, you understand that much. But does that explain why you can't stop the filthy daydreams that fill your head whenever you see a specific redhead? Does it excuse you for getting turned on by him simply breathing in your direction? And to make matters worse, he is off-limits, if your father found out you were messing with his prized boxer? You would be chained to a tower and your red-haired crush would be used as mincemeat.

Sunday Sinner || @smileysuh🔞✅💯

↳ “Everything is wrong,” Mark sighs. “Doing this with you two is wrong. Wanting you this badly is wrong. Getting hard in Church is wrong. What I want to do to you is wrong. But… as crazy as it sounds, it also feels right.”

The V Week Spy || @smileysuh🔞✅💯

↳ Every year, seven days before Valentines day, sororities and frats are paired together, and eligible himbos, hoes, bimbos and fuckboys alike volunteer to be raffled for a chance to become the year’s V Week Spy. V Week is open season, with outings and parties tailored to be the perfect excuse for sexscapades, with the knowledge than 1 boy and 1 girl are undercover, grading sexual performances. Once the week is over, at the annual Valentines Day Party, the evaluations are presented- It’s a bad time to be unsure about someone’s feelings towards you, and an even worse time to fall in love. (get out, this literally screams the mafia game but sexedition. i love it)

Wanna Ride? || @onyourhyuck🔞✅💯💯💯

↳ (if you enjoy reading biker!au's, yall should really read this series. cause sht was wonderful af and spicy)

Strawberry Sunday || @doiesfav💕✅💯

↳ You realized that your daughter would feel awkward with his own dad sometimes so you decided to do a picnic to help them improve their relationship.

Dirty, Little, Traitor || @onyourhyuck🔞✅

↳ Wherein you asked your roommate Mark to help you out with rearranging your room but ends up rearranging you instead.

Ice Cream Thief || @tddyhyck🔞✅

↳ someone has been eating haechan's favorite ice cream so he decides to put a hidden camera in the kitchen and living room thinking it's a shared space it shouldn't invade anyone's privacy... right?

Safety Zone || @cherryeoniis​​​​💕💔✅💯

↳ Mark Lee. The most perfect roommate and best friend that you could have asked for - except for the fact that he constantly messes up your laundry and can’t cook eggs very well. Even then, that doesn’t quite stop you from falling for him in your final year.

Finding Cinderella || @justalildumpling💕💔✅💯

↳ it wasn’t often jeno showed emotions of love and affection, let alone kissing a stranger at a party that he doesn’t even remember?! determined to find his nameless cinderella, he began searching the campus far and wide but as hidden secrets started surfacing, he started to wonder whether the midnight spark was meant to be pursued after all.

*i think half of my reblogs for july for nct were all texts, and i am fine with that. so for this, imma rec the ones that had me choking on my spit from cackling.*

Getting Picked Up Texts || @ohmygs-blog💕✅

↳ Anon Req: "hi, can I request where the dreamies are picking u up from school/work? cause everyone at work was picked up by their partners and I’m here waiting for a taxi cab lol y isn’t haechan picking me up smh 🤦‍♀️ thank you so much! I really love your works, and I really look forward to your new posts, they make me happy! ^^" ("you can ride on my handlebars" i cackled a bit too hard that i choked on my spit.)

Pulling Another Member's Photocard || @onyour--ash💕✅

↳ (the title says it all. haechans is fcking too real. my guy i like looking at mark too. but also jaemin having a jeno collection, im ngl he probably does have a folder on his phone dedicated to jeno.)

Fuck The Police || @loudstan🔞✅💯

↳ Your ability to read people's minds is very useful for the police during interrogations. And that's how you meet Yuta, a werewolf accused of stealing a car.

Do check out all of the other NCT Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[missgeniality]

Siyaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

Hoe are you doing???!?!!????

I just reread the strip lawyer and omggg your mind!!!!!!! Lemme kisss OMGGGGGGGG LIKE HOW CAN YOU WRITE SOMETHING SO DELICIOUS I CAN DIEE REREADING TAHT FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

On that note can you give me a peak , or perhaps just warning tags, of any of your wips with other sexy ass smut please?????? I just want to know what you're thinking next cause ksurjekssllsworbkeslslslsllslsls every time i read your fics my brain is like omg what was she thinking 🧐😯🧐

Thank you and i really hope you have a blessed day today for making me so giiddy this early in the morning.

P.s. pls tell me where you read manga and watch anime and some spicy and sweet recommendations please.

I love comedy and I have never watched anime. I don't like action though. Just something lighthearted (and a bit raunchy if possible) to keep me entertained hehe.

AAAAHHHHH IVVYYY I can't believe you could reread a fic of mine and still find it enjoyable, that is the biggest compliment, thank you so muuuccchhhh 🥺🥺🥺🥺 <3

WIP... I have only two at the moment... one is stigma... that has been going on for 2 years now (insert a pic of mine completely ashamed of myself) - that doesn't really have much smut, and there is more of a plot in that. Hence, the porn monster in me is having difficulty finishing it ehehehe 🐥 another one is a part of keynote! i have some ideas, im still thinking it through, but THAT will be smut galoorreeee! i want them to try new things, i want hoseok to push his own boundaries along with yn's, so that will be fun to write :3 I'm so happy you're looking forward to them, I will drop snippets when I get time to write them eheheh <3 Thank you so much for making my weekend with your kind wordsss 💓

So manga, I usually use https://mangatoto.net/, I find most of the ones I read over there. Anime I usually just go to Netflix and watch whatever is there, but you can also use gogoanime to watch whatever you want!

Comedy and raunchy... I will drop the manga's I've read recently, they should fit your taste ehehehe they're mostly erotica + cute romcom!

DISCLAIMER: A lot of manga get discontinued often, so I can't guarantee these are all completed!

Oshiete Kudasai Fujishima-san - this is GOOD. Consent is great, the male lead is hot, the sex is actually really good and not the same scene repeated 50 times! But... the female lead... this one comment sums it up:

(Rio being the female lead) But I still recommend it!

2. Hapi Mari - This one is really nice! I like the character dynamics, it is not super explicit but the characters are sketched out pretty well. Slightly dumber female lead, but its not as bad as the previous one!

3. Osananajimi Bartender to Hajimeru Kaikan Lesson - short I think, the art style is not to my liking. But the characters are so nice, and the side characters are sweet! And they have this 'cocktail language' that is very cutely used hehe, good read! And CONSENT!!!

4. Tada no Renai nanka de Kikkonai: Kojirase Joushi to Fetish na Buka (We Can't Do Just Plain Love: She's Got a Fetish, Her Boss Has Low Self-Esteem) - The title is pretty funny lmaoooo and I love this manga the most of them all!! This female lead is TO DIE FOR. The concept of this manga is really fun, so this is honestly such a hidden gem. I highly recommend this.

5. Talk To Me - this is actually a manhwa, so the art style takes some time to get used to. Also a little slow, not much happens each chapter, but its a very cute light-hearted read, smexy smexy though! The 2 couples are written very well, so I am currently enjoying this quite a bit ehehe

As for anime, my recommendation of Kaichou Wa Maid Sama still stands!! It's a good anime, and the manga left me in tears <3 Other than that, here are some of my favs that fit your taste (none of these are erotica like the mangas, but they're still very funny):

The Disastrous Life Of Saiki Kusuo (deadpan humour, love it)

Gintama (this is my fav anime of all time, but it has fighting in it as well)

Great Teacher Onizuka

The Way of the Househusband

Ouran High School Host Club (!!!)

Food Wars (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Monthly Girls' Nozaki Kun (so so cute and funny)

Haven't you heard? I'm Sakamoto

Wotakoi (extremely cute and very light hearted, office romance)

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War (!!!!!)

*deep breath* That is all from me LOOLLL I'm sorry I laid out a huge ass list but I was too excited to talk about my recs. I hope you enjoy them, please tell me what you think of them once you read/watch them!! Thank you once again for sending me this sweet ask <3

[peridhot]

Kimi no Koto ga Dai Dai Dai Dai Daisuki na 100-nin no Kanojo / The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Love You by Rikito Nakamura and Yukiko Nozawa

Aijou experienced 100 heartbreaks during Junior High. While praying in a shrine, the God of Love appears, saying that Aijou will meet 100 fated girls. If their relationship with him fails, all the girls will face an accident and die. Now it’s a matter of love or death, and it’s up to Aijou to decide.

Read through Chapter 105.

Been a while since I read it because the place I was reading it stopped uploading it, but I remember some of it. For one, some of the girlfriends are GREAT and I love them, but... some of them suck. A lot. One of them was his cousin? By blood, I think? She was a cute character, but I did NOT like their relationship (probably because of the blood thing, but maybe there was another reason. Age, maybe? Hard to say). It was fun, getting to see what each new girlfriend would be like, and I'd like to pick it up again one day after it's ended (if it hasn't already?) and see/pick out all of my faves (I remember the collector girl who was kind of ditzy/lazy and slow was one of my faves. She was soooo cute), but until then it wasn't really necessary to keep up with. The series also kind of... well, maybe not dragged, because a new girlfriend was introduced every few chapters, but it got repetitive. There's only so many things you can do differently when it's all supposed to take place in a year, y'know? Oh, I remember disliking one of the first girlfriends a lot - the rich one, I think? Pretty sure it was because she never listened to boundaries and overstepped a lot. Could also be I just disliked her for taking time from my faves lol. Anyway, would probably read again at some point.

[thisdogpaystaxes]

The Definition by Jon Bellion: Album Review

i love this man and this album so particularly much. even the thought of this album makes my soul relapse into the same euphoric orgasm of reminiscing on mr.bellion's sweet sweet melodies.

the soft intro of munny right.. like eases u right into the album. his voice comes in so fucking crispy. the fucking high note so early, its like just wait- he finna rap! just salivating at his fucking beats and his lyrics and his voice. im literally about to throw up. THE BEAT SWITCHHHHH UGHHH LIKE THATS SO GOOD U KNW HE WAS HEAD BOPPING! this sooooo me, im gona get my munny right like u mr.bellion sir! i love how this is such a represention of his success, not just lyrically but its like, he worked for it and never gave up and hes so fucking obviously talented. mfs like this are the reason why i am so enamored with music.

carry your throne. first song i ever heard by jon! i heard it in a vine and was like :00 and thats how i found him actually. i really love this song. and frozen reese's cups. i think this is also a really cool metaphoric song, comparing an undying, raw love for someone to having a kingdom. its powerful too, the instrumental and its upbeat tempo. really cool and passionate.

pre fucking OCCUPIED. i loooove this fucking weird flow in this. if you isolated the lyrics and instrumental i'd be like ..... :/ but together its fucking GORGEOUS. so fucking complementary. its a really cool way to show that they are meant for each other. like you can usually tell when one was made to complement the other. but not this song. GOD MADE ME A FULL BLOWN GEEEEENIUS ',:^[ luvvvvv this song. blaque keys is also such a rad feature on every track w jon, his flow is consistent and smoooooth. his voice also has this really good cohesion w jon's instrumental. he's a ride or die feature. beautiful mindddd

human. wow. love u so much. this is a song he obviously wrote the lyrics first, to add to the proof for my point about pre-occupied. he's a good little vulnerable guy, and i appreciate that his music is specially crafted. his instrumental and adlibs will never downplay the emotions in his voice, just beautifully complement. "lauren call me when you hear this on," makes me like cryyyyyyy. like that was fucking raw. the bridge is the best fucking part of this song, especially the acoustic version. tell me why i still feel looooost, like yes dude fucking SING IT! i genuinely believe finding music like this and kid cudi when i was young are genuinely why i am emotionally heightened.

RUN FUCKING WILDDDDD.. I LOVE THESE LYRICS OH MY FUCKING GOD. i fucking will scream this shit forever. he's so fucking real!!! MY SOUL IS IN LIMBO LIKEEE YEAH U KNO HUH! these lyrics are really dope for providing imagery, like its really cool and along w the relatable lyrics, because while personal still ambiguous, its a fantastic story of why this person has a broken heart.

a haunted house. fucking hate the yeah at the beginning :D this song had to grow on me my first time hearing this album, i did not appreciate the contrast it brings to the album until i took the time to read the lyrics. its nice and tucked in. and its again that dope lyricism of like "this is a metaphor, you've felt this but also this way you can see it" like yeeaaahhhhhhh thats fucking dope. and normally i hate little parts of "na na na's" but this song uses it to bring to life the euphoria of healing from your past and being in love again. beauuutiful song.

JUNGLE IS MY SHIT. I LOVE HOW HE SAYS "YOU'RE TOO PRETTY" LIKE I TAKE IT PERSONAL WHEN I HEAR THAT SHIT. THIS IS A SONG I WILL NEVER SKIP. u sound so effing cuuuuuute.. like jon i need u! or someone i like that likes me to listen to this song and think ofme idk! the COUNT UHHHHHHH LOVE THE BEAT AFTER SO MUCH. very passionate about this track can u tell!?!!?

bro i adore simple & sweet. its really cute and i enjoy him saying "no yeah" bc i always do. representation! BUT IF THINGS GET COMPLICATEEEEEEED-- like he absolutely smahsed it on that contrast. its made to be this way. the beginning is soooo slow and hes like- nuh uh, lets add a whole different beat and tempo. and it WORKS. and it shows the tenderness of being so in love, but also the euphoria of it too.

an immigrant is so good. the switch up is fantastic. i love this SONG. coffee on my j dilla vinyl!!!! like u can tell he missed this chick. i really really love this ditty. been head bopping this whole time. i love the "i miss you" and "i still love you" tucked in. its always been my favorite part of the album.

ooh is one i didn't like at first. but the chorus is what tied me in, and i stayed bc jon is meticulous with his features and this is proof, like blaque keys. like he absolutely has the vision for the songs immediately. and her voice is not one i'd care for alone, but its a slight compliment to his and it rly adds to the passion.

luxury is also a fantastic song, its a really beautiful outro the the album. a grand finale. such an awesome feature too. meticulous god damnit! like that shit just adds to the magnitude. feelings practically religious.

i needed to listen to this album again, i haven't for a long time but when the songs come on separately when i shuffle, im like :0! i love you jon, pls make new music i am begging you pLEASE

[whereisjenolee]

playing on a multiplayer minecraft server with boyfriend!jeno and nct dream

yes this is self indulgent, yes i love minecraft

12:07AM

you join the discord call just past midnight and are immediately greeted by the voices of (loud) screaming boys

"chenle! take your mic out of your MOUTH, it sounds like you're calling through a SAMSUNG FRIDGE!!!"

"park jisung, stfu and help me kill this sTUPID SKELETON!!!!!!" >:(

“uhhhhhhh,,,,, hello” you say

"Y/NNNNNNNNNN!!!!! മ◡മ" you hear the infamous high pitched “cute” voice of na jaemin screech sing

“Y/N, HURRY UP AND JOIN THE SERVER SO YOU CAN HELP ME FIND DIAMONDS” (｀▽´) hyuck yells

“guys!!! how do you place blocks?!” mark interjects

“𝘽𝙊𝙊𝙈𝙀𝙍” chenle says, his mic boosted and echo on

you snicker and promptly join their server

y/mc/n joined the game

“y/n! hurry up so you can teach mark how to play this got dam GAME!” renjun whines

these fuckers didn’t even bother to tell you that it was night in game and they were playing on HARD

so you were instantly swarmed with every mob and their mothers in the middle of the plains field

y/mc/n was slain by spider

“LAME! that’s the n00best way to die” chenle laughs

<y/mc/n> stfu bitch weren’t u the one who lost all ur enchanted netherite armor bc u jumped into lava to test if it was fireproof and couldn’t get out

bighead1 left the game

“y/n~~~~~~~~~~~” u hear the sweet voice of ur bf coo

“hi babie jen” :)))))))

cue the dreamies’ exaggerated gagging noises

jeno’s name appears a distance away from where you spawned so you move forward to meet him

soon u see his samoyed skin a few blocks away

“y/n! look what i got for you!!!!!!!!!” (.⌒‿ ⌒)

u see him drop multiple kinds of flowers in front of u

EVEN ORCHIDS AND ALLIUM

😿😿😿😿

jeno i will kith u on the lips one million times

“thank you, bubs <3”

“you’re welcome! (‘∀’●)♡ i traveled so far to find the swamps and a flower forest biome to get all the different types for you because i know you like them!! you can plant them in our house after we build one together!!!”

(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

u can’t believe ur boyfriend made u blush because of M I N E C R A F T

“okay lovebirds, enough chitchat [¬_¬]. y/n-ieee, come mine with me now!!” hyuck whines

so u and jeno run to haechan’s house in the poorly constructed dream town community to help him find diamonds

“y/n~~ can i put my minecraft bed next to yours??” ;)))) hyuck says

fullsun66 was slain by jen0jam

the next four hours are spent mining with haechan, farming with jaemin, building a garden with renjun, and teaming up with the two maknaes to kill mark every time he respawned

you 3 also took turns breaking and taking mark’s bed so he wouldn’t respawn in his house ( ˘ ͜ʖ ˘)

every time he tried to get it back, you would just outrun him

“guys! how do you sprint!!” you can hear mark’s pout thru the call

<bighead1> ctrl + f4

markly left the game

“YAH!!!” mark yells

yes you build a cute house with jeno surrounded with the flowers he picked for you

yes you place your mc bed next to his

yes you guys travel to the spruce forests to tame puppies together & visit neighboring villages to tame the cats

ur house is super cute (cottage core vibes <3)

jeno gives you a full set of diamond tools and armor

“thanks sug4r d4ddy ¬‿¬” u tease

“oh yeah? oh yeah??” haechan says “take this, y/n”

he drops a netherite pickaxe in front of you

fullsun66 was slain by jen0jam

<fullsun66> ST OP KILLING ME T^T

<jen0jam> BACK OFF

<y/mc/n> thanks hyuckie <3

fullsun66 was slain by jen0jam

“GUYS I FOUND DIAMOND!!!” mark cheers

“hyung! if you drop it in lava you’ll get twice the amount!!” jisung exclaims

“really?! hell yeah!!” mark says

…

“PARK JISUNG I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!” mark yells

“𝘽𝙊𝙊𝙈𝙀𝙍” chenle’s voice echoes

**bonus:

<fullsun66> what if we kissed in front of the minecraft house? jk......... unless (･ω<)☆

a/n: thank you for reading! comments are very much appreciated (and wanted… 😳)

[peachbear88]

For your followr celebration could you write a blurb where American Pie is Yelena and her wife’s wedding song? I’m currently listening to it and the idea just came to me.

Okay! I like this idea a lot! Let's go with... fluff! Thank you for submitting this! :) <3

(PSA: The celebration will be closing in 6 days (09/09.)

-------

The Russian Wedding

Yelena paces back and forth, nervously tugging at her shirt collar as Natasha watches her sister amusedly.

"If you keep pulling your shirt, the buttons will break," she drawls, earning a glare from her sister.

"I don't see why I can't just wear my vest and get it over with." Yelena grumbles, sprawling out on the dressing room's couch. "Ow!" She exclaims as Natasha slaps her.

"Because it's your wedding!" She sighs exasperatedly. "You can't just get married in a vest!"

"Why not? I'll bet Alexei married Melina in his 'crImSOn dyNaMO' suit!" Yelena complains, prodding at the hem of Natasha's dress shirt.

"Stop it." Nat snaps, yanking her shirt away from the younger girl. Her gaze softens as Yelena picks at her fingernails anxiously. "Hey." Yelena looks up.

"I just want it to be perfect." Yelena admits shakily. Nat smiles, taking her sister's hands in her own.

"It already is. She loves you. You know that." They smile at each other, the insecurities and doubts being drowned in reassurances.

"Hey!" Alexei's head pops through the door, clad in an obnoxious red mask. Yelena's smile falters. "The wedding's starting-"

"You've got to be kidding me!" Natasha grabs her sister by the waist, preventing her from tearing the helmet from her father's head.

-------

"It's not fair," Alexei pouts, watching as Yelena smiles nervously, constantly checking her watch. Melina shushes him, gently patting his matted, unruly hair and straightening his tie.

Natasha and Melina had spent a good 10 minutes wrangling him into a borrowed suit from a kind stranger that was the same size as Alexei.

"How'd you do it?" Yelena whispers, nodding towards Alexei from the front of the wedding.

"I borrowed someone's suit." She whirls towards her older sister, shock on her face.

"You stole someone's clothes at my wedding?"

"Hey, I didn't steal them!" Yelena shakes her head disapprovingly, fighting back a smile.

"What'd you do with the body then?" Natasha smirks.

"That is not your concern." She gestures towards the entrance of the venue. "She is."

Yelena's eyes widen as you walk down the aisle, nervously itching at your ribcage. It was no secret how much you despised dresses and corsets.

"So much for being graceful," Natasha mumbles, stifling a laugh. Yelena elbows her sister in the stomach.

You smile at Yelena as you finally arrive at the pew.

"You got a little drool there сестра (sister)." Natasha mutters under her breath but her smirk falters when you send her a firm glare.

"Y/N, when I met you, you had no clue who I was. You saw me as a simple girl from Ohio. And I wanted to keep it like that. I didn't want you to know the truth because," she takes a watery breath. "Because I was afraid you'd leave me. When you found out, it felt like everything stopped. My heart stopped beating, my soul froze and my lungs stopped working. But at my darkest hour, you came back. You didn't leave me. You didn't call me a monster and sacrifice me to the darkness. You accepted me. You helped me live." She smiles at you, a soft, genuine smile, full of hope, love and respect.

"I'm gonna have a hard time topping that speech," you joke and a small wave of laughter goes around. "Yelena, you're the one that saved me from the internal darkness. You make it sound like I was your savior but in reality, I need you just as much. You deserve so much more then to be forced to undergo all that trauma. You're not a monster, you're an angel. You're not a murderer, you're a hero. You are mine." She turns away as the crowd cheers, discreetly wiping her tears on her shirt sleeve.

"That was pretty sweet wasn't it?" Natasha teases. "But honestly, we all know the part they really want to get to is the kiss!" She pulls the microphone right next to her mouth. "So get to it!"

You chuckle shyly before gently wrapping your arms around Yelena's neck, pulling her towards you.

Her lips are raw, presumably from all the anxious lip biting she was doing minutes before.

People cheer, as you pull away. a faint blush dusting your cheeks.

--------

A long, long time ago I can still remember how that music Used to make me smile And I knew if I had my chance That I could make those people dance And maybe they'd be happy for a while

"Lena?" You mumble, your voice muffled by her shoulder.

"Yes love?" She whispers, twirling you around in her arms as the two of you waltz around the room.

"You love me right?" She snorts.

"We just got married медовый (honey)." She jokes weakly before sighing. "Yes. I do love you. And you deserve so much more-" You cut her off with a small but passionate kiss.

"I deserve you."

But February made me shiver With every paper I'd deliver Bad news on the doorstep I couldn't take one more step I can't remember if I cried When I read about his widowed bride Something touched me deep inside The day the music died

"Hi." Natasha greets you and she wraps her arms around your waist. You can see Yelena dancing with Wanda, the two talking in low voices.

"Hello."

"Listen here. I know you two are madly in love and whatnot," you suck in a deep breath. "But if you ever even think about hurting her." She brings one hand up to her throat, drawing an invisible line with her thumb. "I will not hesitate to throw your body into a ditch and set it on fire."

"That's a new one," you comment drily. She snorts before twirling you around, letting your hand go.

So, bye-bye, Miss American Pie Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry And them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye Singin', "This'll be the day that I die This'll be the day that I die"

By the time you finish twirling, you find yourself face to face with Yelena again.

"What were you and Nat talking about?"

"Oh nothing. Just the usual. Kids and cute grandchildren." Yelena chokes on her spit.

"Kids?" You scrunch up your eyesbrows.

"Yeah. Unless you're not okay with that?" Yelena frantically shakes her head.

"No no! I'm fine with kids! More than fine." She smiles lovingly at you. You smirk.

"Natasha was right. You are whipped."

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

She is yours and you are hers.

---------

Taglist: @username23345 @musicinourlips @gingerbreadcookieforlife @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @trikruismybitch @ima-gi--na-tion @nicole-rayleigh-hot @olsensnpm @peabrain-likes2read

[spencstan]

Queer Book recs

this is a list of queer books i've read in the last year and liked bc not everyone knows how many there are. and everyone should get to feel represented when they read.

i'll put what part of the lgbtq+ community is in the book unless there are too many lol

also i will mark in red the books written by problematic authors so that you guys know not to buy from or if you feel uncomfortable so you don't read them

another thing, I'm latine so I'll add that to the books that I feel have good rep. with bipoc rep I'll add it in some that I know for sure it's good rep but just so you know it's not really my place to say so feel free to correct me

my storygraph acc (it's like goodreads but it isn't owned by amazon): @/valeng

FANTASY (most of them are YA):

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Cemetery boys by Aiden Thomas(trans mc, mlm) (latinx)

They both die at the end by Adam Silvera (mlm) (latinx)

The Dark Tide by Alicia Jasinska (wlw)

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E Schwab (m/f but they are both bi) (also kinda historic fiction idk)

The Extroardinaires by T.J Klune (mlm, wlw)

The Infinite Noice by Lauren Shippen (mlm) (it deals heavily with depression so check tw)

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston (wlw)

The Atlas Six by Olive Blake

In Deeper Waters by F.T Lukens (mlm)

Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett(wlw)

ROMANCE and/or CONTEMPORARY (YA and NA):

Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (mlm)

Heartstopper by Alice Oseman (it's a graohic novel btw)

What If It's Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera (mlm) (latinx)

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic (mlm) (demisexual)

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid (wlw, mlm) (bipoc and latinx)

Conventionally Yours by Annabeth Albert (mlm, non binary, etc.)

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver (nblm, non binary mc)

Felix Every After by Kacen Calender (mlm, trans mc demiboy)

Here the Whole Time by Vitor Martins (mlm, wlw) (bipoc, it's a Brazilian author and that's where the book takes place)

May the Best Man Win by Z.R. Ellor (mlm, trans mc) (autistic mc)

Running with Lions by Julian Winters (mlm) (bipoc)

Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales (mlm, wlw)

Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg (mlm)

Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee (t4t, nblm, trans and non binary mc, wlw)

Loveless by Alice Oseman (aroace mc)

The passing playbook by Isaac Fitzsimons (trans mc)(mlm)

Fifteen Hundred Miles from the Sun by Johnny Garza Villa (latine) (mlm)

YA SCI-FI:

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutski (mlm) (this is basically a finnpoe from star wars and I mean this in the best way possible)

MYSTERY

Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Ìyímídé (bipoc) (wlw, mlm) (don't forget to check tw for this one)

(check tw for all of them just in case)

(I'm gonna add when I have more recs)

[tooweirdforyou]

Straw Hats With A Shipmate! Who Lost Someone Special

A/N : For anyone who has lost someone dear to them, whether it was recently or long ago, it’ll be okay. There are times where we either hate ourselves, hold regret, or refuse to accept the reality, but no matter what, we have to accept the truth. These things happen and we have to deal with it. I know some of us like to bottle these feelings up instead of letting it all out. But I just want to say that it’s okay to let it out. Don’t keep the pain to yourself because it’s not going to make things better. Let it all out and bring peace to yourself some day. Everything will be okay.

Warning : mentions of death, negative, heartbreaking thoughts, etc. + MARINEFORD SPOILERS.

Note : I don’t expect you to read this, nor do I expect you to appreciate this. I don’t know my readers, so I don’t know how sensitive some of you are. I don’t normally write this kind of stuff either, hopefully this is the only time you’ll see this.

of course this will have a sweet ending.

This is also pretty long.

Summary : The crew witnesses their crew mate’s loss of a loved one, and notice that their shipmate is acting as if everything’s fine. They won’t accept that.

-

Everything was peaceful.

The crew was just sailing around the seas for a bit, enjoying their time together after two years apart from each other.

After Fishman Island, the others were just taking a breather and relaxing.

However, you knew that your home island was nearby. 

You wanted to visit it, which the crew agreed, since it let them experience your island and perhaps learn about where you came from.

Unfortunately, you didn’t know how horrible things have been since you were gone.

Nor did you ever expect to see someone so dear to you, die right before your eyes.

-

When you docked at the island, instead of a warm aura and a homely greeting from the civilians, the island was in ruins.

There was hardly anybody around, and the people that were still there, were all weak and barely alive.

Nothing was right, nor was anything left. Buildings in ruin and destroyed, fields and trees of the forests were burned and there was blood shed all over the ground.

Nothing could be seen but blood. It was truly a horrific sight to be seen.

The crew mates all stare at the sight in horror and shock.

After hearing your stories of how beautiful and amazing the island was and how kind the people were, they were definitely not expecting to see the opposite it was.

“Oi, this isn’t anything like you described. You sure we’re on the right island?” Luffy mindlessly comments, the others staring at Luffy like he was an idiot, Usopp clearly stating it aloud. “Oi, Luffy! Don’t say things so bluntly!”

You, ahead of the group and had an expression of fear and horror written all over, just snap back into reality and turn to Luffy, seeing the others staring at you.

“..I was thinking the same, Luffy.” You weakly smile as a forceful chuckle escaped your lips, you rubbing the back of your neck awkwardly. “I guess things can change when time passes.”

“Maybe we are on the wrong island..”

You weren’t. You knew you weren’t. This was the place where you were born and raised.

Although it was completely destroyed, you recognized some of what was left in the rubble, even some of the old people that were barely hanging on.

Your words were heard, the others noticed how quiet it was and already understood the truth. Something happened while you were away from home, and it wasn’t good from the looks of it.

“[Name]-chan... we don’t have to-“ Sanji starts but you only smile lightly at the crew. “It’s fine. Before we go back to the ship,.. can we look around a bit? It’ll be quick.”

They knew what you meant and what you wanted to do, all of them nodding. “Of course, take as long as you need. There’s no rush.” Robin assures softly, Nami nodding in agreement. “We’re here if you need anything.”

You nod at them and continue to lead the group through the streets, them following you in silence as Luffy kept his eyes on you.

You heard some of the groans and noise of discomfort and pain from the ones who were on the brink of death, your head lowering down as you bit your lip, trying to ignore them.

As much as you wanted to run to them and help them any way you can, you somehow already knew it was useless.

Whatever happened while you were gone, it was too damaging to be fixed. The many bodies that were spread across the town made sure of that.

In the back with the crew, you hear Brook, Usopp and Chopper freaking out every once in a while at the sight of the bodies, Sanji and Nami mentioning about feeling a bit sick and just shocked at the sight of them, while Franky, Luffy, Robin and Zoro all stare silently, many thoughts running through their head.

There was one thought they all had in common.

Just what the hell happened?

You continue to walk with your head down, before noticing an all too familiar house and look up, beginning to jog over towards it, a hopeful look in your eyes.

“W-Wait, [Name]!” Usopp calls at the others try to catch up. You ignore him and sprint towards what was left of the home and slam the door open accidentally.

“[ Special Someone ]!” You call out a bit too loudly, looking out frantically for them. “[ Special Someone ]! It’s [Name]!”

A small hum could be heard in another room, you rushing over just as the others arrived at the home.

You ran over and widen your eyes at the sight of them. [ Special Someone ] was leaning against the wall, breathing slow with many cuts and dried blood all over them.

Their clothes stained with the red liquid and the entire house was a wreck, with smashed furniture and shattered glass all over.

“[ Special Someone ]!” You shout in disbelief and horror, unable to process anything as you lunge yourself to the one person who was always by your side.

“[Name]..?..” they breathed out, weakly forcing themselves to sit upright more, you aiding them carefully, as their arms rested in their lap.

“Wow.. I can’t believe it.. how.. lucky.. I get to see you?..” [ Special Someone ] coughs out roughly, spitting a bit of blood out onto their hand as they did so making you even more shocked.

The crew enters the room with eyes wide as saucers. “[Name]?” Nami questions, mouth gaped at the sight of you kneeling beside a person on the brink of death.

Tears brimmed your eyes as you turn to Chopper pleadingly. “Chopper, please, help them!” You cry out with a shout, Chopper’s teary shocked eyes widening more as he nods quickly and rushed over with his bag.

Chopper sits on the other side of [ Special Someone ], opening his bag and grabbing out the proper supplies.

“[Na..me].. stop, I’m fine. There’s nothing.. you can do.” They insisted, turning to Chopper with a weak smile. “A rein..deer?.. how cute..” Chopper didn’t say anything as he continued to do his work, quickly examining the injuries they had before patching them up.

“Shut up, [ Special Someone ], Chopper’s going to help you, okay?! Now, tell me who did this to you?” You say, clasping their hand in yours as they cough once more and tilt their head back.

The others could only watch in silence with sad, concerned or pitiful looks at the sight, assuming that this person was someone so dear to you. They didn’t know who it was but they knew enough.

“... Marines..”

Everyone tensed at the word, a few of them in disbelief. Marines did this?

You didn’t say anything, your grip on their hand tightening as you chew on your inner cheek. “Marines, huh?...”

“If you don’t mind me asking, how long ago did this happen?” Robin cautiously and slowly asks, [ Special Someone ] looking up at her.

They look away and flinch at bit at Chopper’s work as they whisper out an answer. “.. one week.”

No one expected that. Everyone’s eyes widened even more. One week!?

“S-seriously?! This happened one week ago?!” Brook shouts incredulously, Usopp trembling in his shoes. “T-This happened while we were on our way here?!”

Your breath hitched in your throat, your body frozen and completely lost in thought. This..happened.. in a week?..

You.. You could have done something.. if you just got here faster? You could have prevented all of this, if you just arrived sooner?

No, you couldn’t blame yourself. How could you have known? You weren’t at fault, right? Right?

“[Name]. It’s okay..” [ Special Someone ] turns to you with the all too familiar smile of theirs, it was a weak one, but it was still the same.

“Fate has it twisted sometimes, but it’s never wrong. If fate had this in its destined path for me, then I have to accept it. If I must die, I’m happy to have died being able to see you one last time.” They managed to speak out in one breath, forcing their smile wider.

[ Special Someone ] notices Chopper moving away from him slowly with saddened and regretful eyes. They knew the result and reason for it already.

You chose to ignore their words and scoff, feeling tears brimming your eyes. “Stop talking like that, it’s not time for you yet. It’s not too late. Right Chopper?!” You look up with teary eyes at the small reindeer.

“You can save them, right!? It’s not too late!”

Chopper would look down, pulling his hat down to cover his face as his lips trembled and quivered a bit. “[Name], I—“

“Chopper! You’re supposed to be the best doctor I know, so please, tell me it’s not too late!” You cried out, turning to look at the others.

The others already knew the answer too just from the look of Chopper and how weak [ Special Someone ] was quickly getting.

“Franky? Usopp? Zoro?” You call out to them, receiving no answer and just sad looks of pity and sorrow.

“Luffy!” You call out to your captain desperately, seeing his head tilted down with his hat shadowing his face.

“Everyone.. WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING ME?!” Confusion ran over you, too worried and afraid to face the truth and have any sense.

Nami stares at you with her own tears threatening to fall, already knowing what was going to happen.

Chopper grips his hat tightly as he stares down, tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping to the floor.

Sanji couldn’t stare at you, his eyes closing shut as he wished he could help you somehow.

Franky looks at you with a frown placed on his lips, staying silent because he thought it was best to remain so.

If Brook had eyes, he’d stare with sorrow and tears as well, also remaining quiet.

Zoro just shut his eyes, almost unable to watch you looking at them so desperately and pleadingly.

Robin looks a bit pitifully, sad eyes washing over her and over at you and your teary form.

Usopp felt tears threatening to stream down his cheeks as well, feeling regret and sadness for you, hands clenched tightly into fists.

Finally, Luffy still held no reaction, arms at his side, head still lowered. But he was trying hard not to get angry or tear up himself, this reminding him of Ace’s death a bit.

“[Name].. it’s too late.. I’ve already lost a lot of blood and my wounds are.. too hurt to be healed.. the damage is done..” [ Special Someone ] breathes out, a small smile forming on their lips.

“[ Special Someone ]... what are you saying?.. I..”

“[Name]..”

“Stop..” you look down, your hair covering your eyes as your lip quivered.

“I’m thankful you found people to keep you company..” they turn to the crew with a soft smile.

“Stop it..” you whispered, teardrops slowly falling.

“Thank you for taking care of [Name].”

The crew only smiled sadly at [ Special Someone ].

“STOP TALKING, ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU!” You cry out loudly, tears finally falling down your cheeks as you shouted. “[ SPECIAL SOMEONE ]!”

[ Special Someone ] only leans their head back and their breathing only shallows as they slowly lean down into your arms.

A small smile formed on their lips as they whisper out through your cries.

“I’m sorry... and thank you... [Name].”

“[ SPECIAL SOMEONE ]!”

Your scream and sobs filled the entire island as you clutched their body close to yours, eyes shut and cheeks soaked with tears as the tears drops fell onto their slowly dying body.

The crew watched silently, feeling their heart ache and sting at the sight of you sobbing and desperately clinging into whatever was left of your precious childhood memory.

-

Later that same night, after you were left alone to make a proper burial for [ Special Someone ], you returned to the crew, who sat waiting in the small home in silence.

“Everyone..”

Your voice would bring their attention to you and see the weak smile settled across your lips. “I’m sorry for wasting your time!... we can set sail now.”

They would be shocked to say the least. How could you ever think you were wasting their time? Much less, after such a traumatic and shocking event just hours prior.

“[Name], what do you mean? You weren’t wasting-“ You interrupt Usopp with a small forced chuckle.

“It’s okay, it was my fault. I should’ve known there wasn’t a point to come to this island, it’s kind of pointless considering how rundown and ruined it is now.”

“Wait, what’s going on, don’t you feel upset at all?” Nami asks with furrowed brows as she stands up to look at you.

You stare at her with a bit of wide eyes before closing them slowly and put on a big and bright smile.

Your words shocked them and made them speechless. They didn’t know what to say.

“Of course not! About what? There’s nothing to be upset about at all!”

Not even Luffy was sure what to say to that.

So it led them to heading to the ship to set sail the next early morning.

-

One day.

One day since the crew witness you experiencing and watching the death of a loved one right before your eyes.

Yet, here you were, all smiling and laughing in front of them, as if nothing happened at all. You were making jokes and trying to make the others laugh as well.

But they weren’t.

Sure, they gave sad smiles to you, a few of them offering weak or forced laughs in addition, but they couldn’t understand why you were acting like this.

Were you afraid to seem weak in front of them?

They weren’t sure but they knew something was up. But seeing you be so joyful as if nothing happened was too heartbreaking for them to say anything.

-

Three days.

Three days have gone by since the day you had witness the death of a loved one.

The crew was getting worried for you. They assumed maybe you were trying to be positive and remain happy in front of the crew, or maybe you really were over the death you witnessed first-hand but that was proven wrong just this morning.

The early morning, Sanji was getting ready to prepare breakfast when he heard noises in the aquarium lounge.

Confused, Sanji takes a peek in the room to see your shaking form, your back facing the doorway as you were curled up, hugging your knees.

He could hear your quiet cries as you hid your face into your knees, thinking you were alone to finally let it out.

Sanji could feel his heart break seeing you all alone, but as much as he wanted to comfort you, he knew it was better to leave you alone. Especially since you were acting like nothing was wrong just yesterday.

But he told the crew.

“I didn’t go up to them, out of respect for their privacy.” Sanji exhales, puff of smoke exiting his lips.

The others listened in silence to Sanji’s explanation of what he saw this morning.

Silence was brought upon the crew.

“..So they’ve been holding it in all this time.” Nami mumbles quietly, eyes saddening at the thought of how much you kept to yourself to keep up such a happy facade.

Thinking about how much you were struggling inside broke her heart.

“I can’t imagine how hard they’re struggling right now.” Brook spoke softly, looking down at the table.

Chopper had tears in his eyes at the thought. “[Name] is going through a lot and—! And we’re not there for them!” He cried out.

“What should we do now that we know what’s really going on these past few days?” Robin questions aloud, the question going through all their heads.

Zoro turns his head over to Luffy, who had been the most quiet ever since they ship left your island.

He was observant so he was watching your fake smiles closely and knew too well that you weren’t over it.

You were hiding yourself, and your feelings from the crew.

But hearing Sanji’s explanation of what he saw, seeing you all alone and crying to yourself made him fill with rage yet, also regret for not being there for his shipmate.

“DAMN IT!”

Luffy’s fist made contact with the wooden table roughly, almost breaking it into two as Luffy growls loudly. “HOW COULD THEY JUST KEEP IT ALL TO THEIR SELF?! WE’RE THEIR FRIENDS RIGHT?! WHY DON’T THEY JUST TELL IS SO WE CAN BE THERE FOR THEM?!”

“Luffy!” The others widen their eyes at Luffy’s outburst but they couldn’t exactly disagree with him.

Why didn’t you just tell them the truth of your feelings instead of putting on such a fake act? Didn’t you trust them at all?

“Luffy, you have to understand. It could be hard for [Name] to share this with us! They’re still grieving, so give it time. Okay?” Nami tries to calm down their Captain but it was no use. He wasn’t listening.

“I don’t care!” Luffy shouts, frustration building up. “We’re supposed to be friends, damn it, so why can’t they just tell us how they feel instead of being so positive all the time? It won’t change what happened, but coming to us so we can be there for them can help! That’s what we’re here for!”

“Just calm down! When [Name] is ready, I’m sure they’ll come talk to us. So settle down already and be patient!” Zoro shouts back, having enough of this.

He too was concerned and also frustrated with you for not talking with them but it wasn’t their choice.

It was yours, and they couldn’t do anything but be there when you were ready.

-

Five days.

[ Special Someone ], the person who always brought you joy.. comfort.. laughter.. and made sure you were the best you that you could be.

They stuck with you through all your ups and downs, all your pains and sorrows, all your anger, complaints and hatred..

Even with all your flaws, [ Special Someone ] never left your side once, always sacrificing themselves for your well-being.

Always making sure you were healthy, eating well, sleeping well, had fresh food and clothes everyday, and ensured that you could live with peace and not a worry in the world.

So why?

Why was someone so selfless, generous, caring, kind... why was someone like that not given the privilege to stay alive? How could someone like them die? After everything they did for you, why was it them and no one else?

Why? Why.. why did they have to die?

You turn onto your side on the bed, hands clenching the bedsheet as you thought about the same thing every day and night, the scene of them dying right in your arms replaying over and over for you every time you shut your eyes.

“Why?..”

Hugging your pillow tightly, you glance at the time on the wall and sigh, deciding to get up to greet the crew.

You sit up and get up from your bed, dusting your clothes and began getting ready, making sure you looked decent enough to show yourself to the others, before finally stepping out of the room.

When you finally step out, you see the whole crew on the main deck, doing whatever it is they do.

They immediately all turn to you when they heard footsteps. You look at them and blink softly before smiling brightly and waved. “M-Morning, you guys!”

‘Shit- please don’t have noticed that..’ you thought, hoping they didn’t notice your voice having cracked a bit.

It was quiet as they continued to stare at you, before Brook interrupts it.

“Yohohoho~... it’s the afternoon, [Name]-san..”

Your eyes widen a bit at your mistake. Did you really stay in bed for that long?

“Oh.. is it? I must’ve overslept..” you lightly laugh to ease the growing tension you felt but no one said anything in response.

“..[Name]-san.. have you been crying?” Robin questions softly, a small frown present on her face. Her question startles you as you shake your head immediately.

“What do you mean, Robin? I’m fine, I haven’t been crying at all.” Instinctively, you began wiping your eyes with your sleeves, which already sent answers to the crew.

“Seriously, what’s with you guys today? You’ve all been acting strange for a while.” You smile softly and pull at your sleeps.

“Maybe you guys just need a little adventure. Maybe-“

“Shut the hell up.”

Shocked, you turn to Zoro at his sudden blunt burst from the railing.

“Zoro!” Nami and Usopp hisses beside him, quietly scolding him for being so rude at the moment, making Zoro scoff.

“I’m rude? They just accused us for acting strange the past couple of days. I don’t disagree with them about us being a bit different lately, but they’re the one who’s been acting the strangest out of all of us. And you all know this too. Am I wrong?”

While you visibly flinch at his words, Nami and Usopp faltered a bit and looked away. “Still..”

“Zoro’s right.” Luffy, who had been quiet ever since two days ago when Sanji told them about your moment in the Aquarium Bar.

“Luffy?” Chopper questions softly from a distance, looking at their captain.

Luffy looks up and glares hard at you.

Behind his hard glare was a very faint soft expression with hurt eyes. Hurt, knowing that his shipmate was suffering and he couldn’t do anything to help them. Until now.

“Tell us the truth, [Name].” Luffy’s tone made your breath hitch from how serious he sounded. It wasn’t like a friend, it was like a captain. “Do you hate us?”

Your eyes widen at his question and you looked at him incredulously. “What? Of course not.” You immediately answered, brows furrowed.

That answer was obvious, so why did he ask?

“Okay. Are you happy with the crew?” He asks again, and you just stare at him in confusion. “I’m happy. I’ve always been.”

“...are you keeping secrets from us?”

All eyes were on you as you close your mouth and bit your tongue from saying more.

You stare at Luffy and tried to decipher what was going through his mind before closing your eyes.

“Not at all.”

“I thought our captain told you to tell the truth.” Zoro says instantly after your reply and you bit your lip slightly. “I did.”

“[Name]-chan..” Sanji sighs softly at your denial and stubbornness before Usopp frowns and spoke. “[Name]... I can tell when you’re lying and..”

“You guys, I’m fine, okay! Nothing is wrong, I’m not keeping secrets from you, so let’s just stop this and continue our day, okay?” You exasperatedly sigh, rubbing your head a bit as Franky shakes his head.

“[Name], I’m afraid we can’t.” He says, making you turn to him with a sigh. “Why? Why can’t you guys just-“

“We saw you crying alone, [Name]..” Chopper quietly mumbles, looking up sadly at you. “Why didn’t you come to us?..”

“I-“

“[Name].”

Luffy looks at you, his expression slowly softening as he stares at you deeply. “... you don’t have to be alone anymore. Actually.. you were never alone to begin with.”

You didn’t say anything and just looked away, hands clenched tightly and you bit your lip.

“I know what you’ve been going through. I felt the same two years ago in Marineford, okay? I..I felt so helpless and angry when Ace died.. I thought I was completely alone after losing him and I couldn’t live with myself.. because Ace died.. for me..”

You gulp at Luffy’s story with Ace, knowing fully well how heartbreaking it was for Luffy to be reminded of these memories, his last memory of Ace.

Hesitantly, you look up at Luffy to see pain and small tears brimming his eyes.

“It hurts a lot, [Name].. I know, alright? You feel all alone, and let regret, resentment, pain, sadness, everything, build up inside you, and you either hold it all in and put on a happy smile, or you could just let it all out and scream out the pain.” He continues, his jaw and hands clenching tightly as his tears fell down his cheeks.

The others stayed silent, all of them reminded of their own past and memories of when they lost a loved one, or when they felt completely alone with pain and regret.

Zoro, with Kuina.

Nami, with Bellemere.

Usopp, with Kaya.

Sanji, with Zeff.

Chopper, with Hiriluk.

Robin, with Jaguar.

Franky, with Tom.

Brook, with his whole crew.

Luffy, with his brothers.

You thought back to just a couple days ago with your own loved one dying in your arms and look down sorrowfully.

“I still think about it everyday, but I don’t feel as much pain or regret anymore. I’m almost thankful I survived.. why? Because it means I won’t leave you guys alone. I’m right here with you all, because you guys are my friends, my family!”

You feel tears brimming your own eyes, a few drops already falling down your cheeks.

“I’m not alone because I have you all by my side so I’m never alone! You all help me realize this and I eventually got over Ace’s death.. and even though I think about it everyday, I’m not alone anymore and I don’t cry about it too much. Because I have you and everyone else!”

You wipe at your eyes and sniff a bit, the others smiling softly at their captain, their hearts touched by his words as a few of them could feel themselves tear up.

“You’ve been crying by yourself, all alone these past few days, haven’t you?”

You didn’t answer. You knew the crew knew the answer already.

Luffy began make his way over to you, continuing to speak.

“It’s okay to be sad, to be hurt, to feel pain, and to cry. You could be angry, you can scream, you can sob, you can do anything you want.”

Luffy was now right in front of you, looking at you with a piercing expression.

“But you don’t have to be alone during these sad times. You never have to be alone again, because we’re right here.”

Luffy then tightened his fists and shouts right at you. “SO STOP KEEPING IT ALL TO YOURSELF AND SHARE YOUR PAIN WITH US! YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE BECAUSE WE’RE YOUR FAMILY AND WE CARE ABOUT YOU. SHARE YOUR PAIN WITH ME!”

He extends and spreads his arms out, glaring hard at you with tears in his eyes as your own widen at his shouts.

The others smiled wider when they see your tears streaming faster down your cheek and your expression soften as your body lunged itself into Luffy’s arms.

Your arms wrap around his neck and legs around his waist as Luffy immediately wraps his own around you tightly, your face buried into his neck.

Sobs screamed out from your voice, your throat burning but you didn’t care. You sobbed right into Luffy’s neck, his hearing might’ve been damaged but he didn’t care either.

“It hurts.. it hurts so much, Luffy.. why?” You sob out, clutching onto him tightly as you gripped his shirt. “Why did they have to die?! Why..”

Luffy didn’t say anything, just held you closer and just as tight.

The others felt themselves tear up more at your sobs and unable to help themselves, they also ran to join in the hug.

Sanji, Nami, Usopp, Chopper and Brook all jumped into the hug, all sobbing their own cries and tears, which made you and Luffy drop onto the ground with the others on top.

“[NAME]-CHAN!”

“[NAAAMEEE]!”

“[NAME]-SANNN!”

Franky wipes his own stream of tears as Robin and Zoro smiles at the sight of their crewmates.

Despite your sobs, you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at the others and sniffled, smiling genuinely at your family.

You should have known better than to keep it all in and to yourself. You weren’t alone.

You had family who loves you and were there right by your side, through all your joy and pain.

“Thank you, everyone. I’m so grateful..”

You smile wider and shouted loudly with closed eyes.

“Thank you, for loving me!”

-

A/N : y’all I-I teared up writing this-

I hit the maximum allowed per post wtf- I’m sorry this is rushed too ;~; I wanted it out quickly.

;-; I hope you enjoyed.

[markleesthighs]

Can you make a part 2 for “Forbidden Moonlight”? I’d like to see some gun fighting, some car chasing, some actual mafia jaemin action with the “I would die and I would kill for you!” kinda spirit? I mean the one who requested it has great theme ideas, it is definitely chef’s kiss and I don’t think it should be left off in just 1 part. We gotta know what the ambassador offered to jaemin.

-i'm on a break, so i finally got a chance to write it! I Sorry requests have been taking long, haven't gotten a chance to write in a while. I hope you all enjoy!

read part 1 here

You missed school for the rest of the day. You didn't even have a chance to explain your situation to Jaemin, feeling guilty. In your limo ride home your dad kept scolding and yelling to you about Jaemin. He went on and on about how stupid you were. To be fair, you had no idea Jaemin was associated with the mafia as well as your dad so you brushed off his comments. When you arrived home you didn't bother to talk to your parents as you stormed up to your room.

"There you are, m/n."

"JAE-"

Jaemin rushed to shut your mouth with his hand.

"How did you know where I was?"

"I have a tracker on your phone." "You psycho."

"But you love this psycho."

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought since you've had a pretty shitty day that you'd want to come with me to a drag racing competition."

"Jaemin, you know I'd love to but my parents-"

"God, have you never snuck out before? Just do the thing in the movies where you use pillows to make it seem like you're in bed sleeping."

"Fine."

You piled up your pillows and covered them with a blanket and added a wig to really sell it.

"Let's go."

Jaemin climbed down the lattice below your window that had vines growing on it. You rolled your eyes figuring that's how he got up here. You also saw the busted circuit breaker box, showing how Jaemin got past your tight security. Jaemin jumped over your gate and helped you up and over for your escape. He pulled you onto his motorcycle and you both rode off to the underground drag race arena.

When you arrived it was everything you imagined. Intimidating guys and girls left and right. The security stopped you (clearly since you didn't fit in with your preppy outfit) but Jaemin reassuring the guard saying you were with him. You were expecting Jaemin to be one of the top betters or backers behind a driver but Jaemin started to get changed into a racer uniform. Part of you was worried and Jaemin could tell.

"Don't worry baby, I've done this a dozen times."

You still pouted.

"And yes, I've won every time, and I'll win again for you."

He pecked your lips.

"You better."

He chuckled at your comment as he got into his car. You were standing among his mafia members will visibly worried.

"On your mark racers!"

You heard the loudest rumbling you've heard come out of a car, covering your ears.

"Get set!"

The smell of burnt rubber came towards your nose and the cars became even louder.

"Go!"

The cars sped off with a huge cloud of smoke blowing behind them causing you to cough.

"First time?"

A very tall handsome guy looked down at you that looked like he could tear you to pieces in a second. You nodded in response.

"You must be m/n. Jaemin's talked a lot about you, I'm Johnny one of his members in his...company."

"I know he's in the mafia business, you know?"

"Oh, well at least he told you the truth."

Your conversation was interrupted by the sound of the cars approaching you heard all the screams and cheers as you saw Jaemin's car approaching. But you also saw the other one not too far behind. It was intense watching the cars quickly approach the finish line, your heart was beating rapidly with adrenaline. Jaemin was leading before the other car caught up and they kept going back and forth it was causing you to have anxiety. But at the last second, you saw Jaemin pull ahead and crossed the finish line. You and the other members screamed loud cheering and hooting. Jaemin got out of his car and you ran up and hugged him.

"I was so worried."

"Aw, my baby was scared? What did I tell you I'm a professional."

You saw people exchanging money and people cashing out after betting on Jaemin, you assumed everyone bets on Jaemin. Suddenly gunshots were fired and you heard cop sirens getting closer.

"Fuck, which one of you called the cops?!"

Jaemin grabbed your hand along with the other members following you to the back alley where their motorcycles were. A few gunshots were fired in your direction and Jaemin blocked you from the shots. You saw a bullet hit Jaemin.

"Fuck!" "Jaemin! Are you alright?!"

"I'm fine, m/n, if it came down to it, I would die for you."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Can you two lovebirds quit it for one second!?" Mark yelled.

You hopped onto Jaemin's motorcycle as he sped up getting ready to leave. Johnny and others were yelling at him to go ahead and that they'll hold the cops off. Jaemin thanked them and you two sped off into the streets and onto the highway back to his house. Luckily, you both arrived safely at the house with Jaemin's guards being attentive. You sat silently in his living room awaiting the other members who were slowly trickling into the mansion. You saw the maids rushing to give Jaemin a first aid kit before he brushed them off saying he could do it himself. Jaemin was struggling to reach the bullet on the back of his shoulder and he was cutely trying to reach to remove it. You giggled telling him you could remove it for him.

"Are you sure m/n?"

"Yeah, I'm studying to become a doctor so don't worry. "

Jaemin stared as you remove the bullet from his shoulder as he hissed you apologized kissing his cheek. He looked at you stare at his shoulder with such care as you delicately dabbed his wound with rubbing alcohol. As he thought about it he never had someone who cared for him this much, most of them wanted him for sex, money, or reputation. You'd always ask him if something hurt and warn him about you stitching up his wound for him. You wrapped his arm up and you looked up at him to make sure he was ok and Jaemin looked at you with pure love in his eyes. He smiled at you and softly kissed your lips.

"God I love you."

You laughed "I love you too, Jaemin."

He kissed you passionately, leading your kissing to become faster and deeper. As Jaemin was about to take off his shirt, one of his members interrupted the two of you.

Jaemin groaned screaming "What the fuck is it now?! Can't you see I'm busy?!"

"It's Mr. y/l/n."

Jaemin immediately froze, got off of you, and basically commanded that you stay where you were. But you weren't about to miss a showdown between Jaemin and your father, so you followed shortly after. You eavesdropped around the corner of the entrance where your dad and his associates stood along with Jaemin and his associates.

"I know you have him. I want my son back. I don't need someone like you to ruin his future."

"Funny, because last time I believe you offered me a lifetime get out of jail free cards, airway travels, and millions of cash whenever I asked."

"You know that wasn't the deal Jaemin, I told you to leave my son alone for those offers, but you don't seem to hold up your end of the bargain."

"What can I say? Despite you being a complete dickhead, your son is quite a lovely darling."

"Well, would your 'lovely darling' like to see this?"

Your father pulled up a video on a laptop his associates were holding, it was Jaemin and his buds in a club, but you can clearly hear what they were saying.

"Jaemin, I heard you 'found the one' you lucky piece of shit," Johnny spoke.

"Yeah, he's been treating him to everything, it's funny how those lovebirds act around each other," Taeyong added.

"There's no way Na Jaemin found someone to 'settle with', boss you're basically a god, you can get whoever the hell you want." Jaehyun drunkenly spoke.

"I can't believe you got lucky with m/n, he's basically the ideal leverage we need to take this gang to the next level," Lucas said.

Your heart stopped, leverage? What the hell was going on? Jaemin was still silent at this point.

Ten then jumped in "There's no fucking way you're actually in love with m/n right? He's not even that good-looking."

"Fuck yeah, the only thing good about him is his daddy" Haechan responded.

"Don't worry guys you know the only reason I'm keeping m/n is so I can milk out m/n's daddy of his money like a cash cow," Jaemin spoke.

You felt the tears starting to pool up in your eyes as they silently fell down your cheek. Is this what Jaemin really thought about you? What the fuck? So all of this was a joke? You were just fucking money to him? You hated yourself for thinking Jaemin actually loved you. Your dad was right, you didn't need a liar and manipulator like him in your life.

After Jaemin's words were played your father's laptop closed.

"What's wrong, Jaemin? Why so silent?"

"You can't do this."

"Who's going to stop me, think about it, it's my word against yours."

"Blackmail is a fucking cheap way to get what you want."

"How else did you think I got to this position? Beating those who get in my way. Now got get my son, get him for me, or else I'll send this to him to watch for eternity."

"...Yes, Mr. y/l/n."

"Oh and for the future Jaemin, do not think about seeing m/n ever again. You know the consequences."

"...Yeah yeah."

You quickly scurried back to the couch and wiped your tears off your face. You pretended to lie down and be asleep. Jaemin shook you to wake you up.

"Hey, baby?"

"Jaemin? What's up?"

"You...you have to go..."

"W-why?" You said trying not to break in front of him. You gazed into his eyes, is this really someone who didn't love you? You can't trust anyone anymore.

"Your dad is a ruthless man, and he has leverage on me, it's something that will change the way you look at me forever. To spare you the pain, I have to let you go now."

"J-Jaemin...fuck you."

You got up immediately but Jaemin grabbed your wrist.

"m/n...just know that I still love you, I sw-"

"You're just a fucking liar, I hope milking my dad's cash cow was worth losing the person who loved you most."

Jaemin realized you heard everything and was stunned. He watched you walk over to your father who embraced you in his arms with fake responses saying how he was so worried and other bullshit like that. Jaemin ran out to the front in hopes of you turning back. He wanted you to turn back, he doesn't want to lose the love of his life. He didn't want your dad's money, he wanted you.

"m/n! Please! I'm so sorry!" Jaemin was crying pleading on his knees.

He looked up at you, the full moon was behind you, beaming through your beautiful hair, reflecting off your soft smooth skin, just like the first night he met you. But this image was different. The moon shined on your tears and the streaks that fell down your cheek. He saw you with endless tears as each drop sparkled like a crystal in the light. You looked down at him and slapped his face.

"Fuck you Na Jaemin, I hope this was worth it."

You hopped into your car with the moonlight shining through your window as you took one last glance at Jaemin. He was broken and defeated. No wish on the moon could save him now.

[omoi-no-hoka]

A friend told me that when a native Japanese comments on your Nihongo speaking by saying きれいな言葉 (kirei na kotoba), it's not really a compliment and is contrary to what the phrase literally means. If this phrase is directed to someone, what's the most polite reaction/action that the person should have/do next?

Hmm. This is a very interesting ask. I wonder if your friend is a Japanese person or a non-native speaker, because it’s not a compliment I’ve heard much. To be honest, receiving praise about my Japanese is a huge pet peeve of mine, so I’d like to delve into this topic a little bit. Let me talk about why they praise us even when all we say is a simple “arigatou,” and then how you can respond to that praise.

Note: You will see me refer to “foreigners” (a.k.a. “Non-Japanese people) as “gaijin” in this article. “Gaijin” （外人） is a truncated version of “gaikokujin” 外国人 (a person from outside of Japan). By removing the middle “koku” (country), we are left with the word gaijin, which literally translates to “outsider.”

Some people see this as an offensive term, and I am one of them. So when I use the word “gaijin,” I do it order to highlight how foreigners are truly viewed as “outsiders” in certain circumstances by certain Japanese people. 

Note 2: You are WAY more likely to receive praise if you clearly do not look Japanese. This post is told from my perspective, a girl so white she freaking glows in the dark.

Stereotypes of Gaijin Held by Japanese People

If you go to Japan and try to use Japanese, no matter how fluent or non-fluent you are, you will be complimented on your Nihongo by Japanese strangers. Japanese people are very quick to give compliments even if all you say is a simple “arigatou gozaimasu.” As a people they are polite and complimentary, and they appreciate even small gestures like you taking the time to learn “arigatou” even though you’re a tourist, for example. Some of these compliments are sincere, and other times they say it because even if your Japanese isn’t good, at least you’re trying, and they appreciate the effort. 

There are quite a few TV shows in Japan that capitalize on gaijin in Japan, such as “YOU wa nani shi ni Nippon he?” (Why did YOU come to Japan?) in which they scavenge for interesting gaijin at airports and follow them on their trips. (I was once picked up for this show, but when I was like, “Yo I’m just going back home to Hokkaido and starting up work tomorrow,” they were like, “oh, you are not the gaijin image that we want to show Japan” and ditched me lol.)

Basically, most of these shows like to capitalize on a very particular image of gaijin:

They cannot speak Japanese, or at most can only speak broken Japanese, and they certainly can’t read Japanese

They cannot use chopsticks well

They do not like/fully appreciate Japanese food, like raw fish, meat, or eggs

They generally do not understand Japanese customs. (I watched one episode about a hippie dude who was walking around Japan BAREFOOT. BAREFOOT. ENTERING SHOPS AND PLACES WITHOUT SHOES ON, FEET FILTHY. He said, “Japanese people are so nice--no one minds if I come in barefoot.” THEY DO MIND, YOU INGRATE. THEY’RE JUST TOO POLITE TO TELL YOU TO GET THE EFF OUT. Who knows how many Japanese people think that Americans think it’s okay to walk around barefoot now, even though we have “No shoes no shirt no service” signs everywhere for this very purpose!)

Only 3% of the Japanese population is non-Japanese. This means that many, many Japanese people have never met a gaijin in person and base their assumptions of us entirely off the media and the stereotypes proliferated there. 

One of the things Japanese people (and most other people in the world, for that matter) mistakenly believe is that Japanese is the hardest language in the world to learn. 

Real talk: from an unbiased, purely linguistic standpoint, there is no such thing as a “hard” or “easy” language. There is such a thing as “linguistic distance,” which measures how much one language and another differs. For example, Italian and Spanish share so much grammar and similar vocabulary that their distance is short. Conversely, there is a substantial linguistic distance between Spanish and Korean.

However, a short linguistic distance does not equal “easy to learn.” 

Japanese is quite distant from all languages other than Korean. And yeah, kanji’s a bitch. I won’t argue with you there. But from personal experience, as a native English speaker, I found German harder to learn than Japanese, despite German being much linguistically closer to my native language. It all varies from person to person. 

But many Japanese people will tell you, “Japanese is so hard, isn’t it? It’s so impressive that you can speak it. It’s the hardest language.” And then their eyeballs drop out of their sockets when you tell them that you can read tHe KaNjI as well. 

Many Japanese people are convinced that not only is Japanese the hardest language in the world, but also almost no foreigners are able to speak it. This, coupled with their culture of politeness, leads them to be quick to praise our use of Japanese, no matter how good or bad it is. 

And therein lies my pet peeve with quick praise. Just a simple “arigatou gozaimasu” and some Japanese people will fawn over how sugoi your nihongo is, and in my eyes it sort of diminishes the actual level of sugoi my nihongo is. If that makes sense lol. I guess I just wish that people would treat me like a fellow Japanese person instead of a gaijin.

Common Praise

Here are some common phrases you might hear if someone is impressed with your Japanese, listed roughly from most common to least:

日本語がとてもお上手ですね！ Nihongo ga totemo ojouzu desu ne! You are very good at Japanese!

日本語ペラペラですね！ Nihongo perapera desu ne! You’re fluent in Japanese!

日本人みたいに喋れるじゃん！ Nihonjin mitai ni shabereru jan! You can speak just like a Japanese person!

日本人より日本語喋れるじゃん！ Nihonjin yori nihongo shabereru jan! You speak Japanese better than Japanese people do!

ナマリがまったくない！ Namari ga mattaku nai! You don’t have an accent at all!

発音がきれいです！ Hatsuon ga kirei desu! Your pronunciation is beautiful!

綺麗なお言葉です。 Kireina okotoba desu. You speak beautifully.

Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that last compliment before. To me, it sounds a little...stiff. Like maybe something an employee at a store would say to the customer who is trying to talk to them, and the employee is trying to be polite, but may not be 100% sincere. Sometimes that stiff, formal Japanese hides a person’s true warmth, though, so it’s a bit hard to tell. 

How to Respond to Praise

In America, if you are praised, it is common to reply with a “Thank you,” and then you can follow that up with a sign of humility or pride, like “Thank you, but I still have a lot to learn,” or “Thank you, I’ve been studying for a few years now!”

However, in Japan, you do not thank them. Instead, you contradict them. If someone says, “You are very good at Japanese!” you are meant to say “No, I’m not at all.”

This is not only limited to praise regarding Japanese. If someone says your outfit looks cute, you should say something like, “Really? This shirt is so old it’s about to get holes in it.” If someone says you are good at sports you should say, “Oh no, I’m terribly clumsy. Today must be a lucky day.” For example.

If they continue to praise you a second time, deny it again. 

If they praise you a third time, then you can say something like, “It’s thanks to you,” or “I’ve had a lot of help to get to this point.” Basically, you make sure that you are not prideful, and you give credit to those around you.

Japanese culture appreciates humility over pride, and puts others before oneself. These two facets of culture greatly shape nearly every social interaction.

Here are some things you can say if someone praises your Japanese:

いえいえ、まだ勉強中です！ Ie ie, mada benkyou-chuu desu! No no, I’m still learning!

いえいえ、まだまだです。 Ie ie, mada-mada desu. No no, I still have a long way to go.

いえいえ、そんなことないです。 Ie ie, sonna koto nai desu. No no, not at all.

My favorite is the “benkyou-chuu” one, because I’ll be studying Japanese until the day I die. 

As an extra little thing to make you even more natural, when you say the “ie ie,” do this hand motion (and not the facial expression lol):

This little hand wave in front of the face, with the tip of your middle finger at the same height as the tip of your nose, is a Japanese hand gesture that means...man, how do I put this into words?

“No no, you are thinking too highly of me” or “No no, don’t go to such trouble for me” or “No no, I’m fine, thank you.” It’s a super handy gesture!

HAH, “handy”

Anyways. You can use this gesture when you are declining praise, but you can also use it at a restaurant, for example. Maybe a waitress asks, “Do you want another beer?” And you can give the little hand wave and a smile to mean, “I’m good, thanks.” You can also say “Kekkou desu” as you do the motion.

Hope this post was of use to you!

[oumakokichi]

hello! could you talk a bit more about the original (as in jp, not localization) ouma's personality and speech patterns? you've mentioned that he tends to trail off or speak more softly when it is implied he is speaking the truth, etc. and how he is not so loud/intentionally obnoxious. //btw when does he call himself a fairy? that's so cute

I got a couple of questions asking about the fairy line Ouma has, so I don’t mind sort of rolling them both into one! And I’m more than happy to talk a little more in-depth about Ouma’s speech patterns and personality in the original game, too!

Since I’ll be covering some late-game spoilers, I’ll put the bulk of this under the cut, so be careful when reading!

First off, I cannot stress how much I recommed playing ndrv3 with the Japanese voices enabled. If you’ve already played through the English dub but never experiened the original voice acting cast, I promise you won’t be disappointed. The Japanese cast are all fantastic, incredibly talented VAs who, unlike the dub, were hired specifically for these roles and not just re-casted from previous DR games.

Hiro Shimono as Ouma gives an absolutely incredible performance. The localization might still have many flaws in its translation and omission of certain lines or punctuation, but you can still very much get a feel for how Ouma’s character was intended by listening to Shimono’s performance. Re-playing the game with the Japanese voices will definitely let you hear how soft and tonally different Shimono’s performance is in places from the English dub, and compare it to the way in which many lines are written and punctuated as if Ouma’s yelling at everyone.

That isn’t to say that Shimono’s Ouma is never loud or excited: Ouma is a character whose moods and façades are all over the place, and therefore his performance requires a voice actor who can similarly change moods and intonation on a dime. Ouma is very much loud and haughty and deliberately annoying when he’s supposed to be, but his voice is also low and ominous at other points when he’s trying to be scary. And again, it’s soft and hesitant in places where he’s considering divulging some of his information, or when he’s insisting that all the things he does are for everyone’s sake, because he cares about them and doesn’t want anyone to die.

These moments feel so much more genuine in the Japanese version of the game--because they’re meant to be. As fantastic of a liar as Ouma is, it’s much easier for us, the player, to tell when he’s lying on a re-play, knowing the information from chapters 5 and 6 that we do, and looking at cues like his sprites (often his blank-faced ones) and, yes, his delivery of certain lines.

This probably sounds like me just gushing about what a fantastic voice actor Hiro Shimono is, and in part that’s exactly what it is, but I want to stress that pretty much every single voice actor in the Japanese cast is just as fantastic and that they all do their jobs incredibly well. With all that gushing out of the way, I’ll move on to talking about some of Ouma’s actual speech tics and the way he refers to other characters.

Like most things about him, Ouma’s speech patterns are sort of an interesting mix and even seem a little contradictory at times. He uses the very masculine pronoun “ore” (オレ), but he also refers to nearly everyone (with only a handful of exceptions) by their surnames and the much more childish honorific “-chan” (i.e. “Saihara-chan,” “Akamatsu-chan,” “Amami-chan,” etc.)

The use of “-chan” is very interesting. Honorifics in Japan are extremely complicated and tend to mean different things depending on who is using them. Typically, “-chan” is seen as a very feminine way to refer to someone else, commonly used in close-knit friend groups among school girls.

There are, of course, a few notable exceptions to this however: often times, middle-aged or elderly people will call a child “-chan” regardless of gender, as a way of showing they find them cute and endearing. And sometimes, people will use “-chan” to refer to other things they find cute, such as pets, or even to refer to themselves in a sort of informal, tongue-in-cheek way.

The fact that Ouma uses “-chan” as an honorific to refer to nearly everyone in the game stands out quite a lot: by and large, boys don’t use this term to refer to other boys. Using “-chan” to refer to anyone you’ve just met or don’t know very well is already somewhat frowned upon, but a boy using it to refer to other boys is especially rare. This helps set Ouma’s character up as someone who is both incredibly casual and informal with others (not to mention, you know, quite coded). Considering childishness and lightheartedness are traits Ouma values, and how much emphasis is put on him having “a very innocent, childish streak that’s hard to hate,” it makes sense then that he would talk like this.

Not counting Monokuma and the Monokubs, the only characters who Ouma doesn’t refer to with “-chan” are Gonta and Kiibo, who he simply calls by name. This also says some interesting things about his character.

Gonta is easily the character who Ouma interacts with the most often, as well as the charater he hurts the most in the end. Ouma’s choice to exclude Gonta from his usual way of calling people is, I think, a testament to how much Gonta really wanted to be friends with him, even if their friendship was never exactly on equal footing.

Meanwhile with Kiibo, I feel the choice to exclude him from his usual way of addressing others is indicative of how much Ouma tried to remind himself that Kiibo “wasn’t human,” and therefore how suspicious he found his presence in the killing game. We know Ouma suspected Kiibo and likely even had an inkling of his role as the audience proxy/camera in the game, due to how Kiibo’s picture is one of the only others set aside on his whiteboard besides Saihara’s, with the word “weird” written next to it (he also clearly guessed about the cameras after Gonta’s line in chapter 2, as we see from how he commissioned Miu for the bug-vac).

Ouma clearly enjoys teasing Kiibo a lot, and their banter reads very much like a manzai comedy duo; I feel like Ouma often tried pushing himself to remember that Kiibo “wasn’t human” on purpose in order to not get too attached to him or too distracted from his goal of ending the killing game. I don’t think Ouma’s decision to exclude Kiibo from the way that he very particularly referred to most of the rest of the group was just an accident or a coincidence.

Honorifics aside, Ouma also refers to several characters in interesting ways. He often uses “daisuki na ___-chan” (大好きな) to refer to some of the other characters, a phrase which more or less equates to “my beloved.” He uses this phrase with Saihara more than any other character of the game, but there are a few other instances where he does use it with Amami, Momota, and (if I’m remembering correctly) Kaede. Pretty much every single instance where the localization put, “because I love you” or “because you’re my favorite” whenever Ouma was talking to Saihara was usually a point where he would specifically call him “my beloved Saihara-chan.”

In chapter 4 during the scene where Ouma is alone in the parlor of the VR world, he also specifically, exclusively refers to Saihara as “suki ni natta hito” (好きになった人), literally: “the person I fell in love with.” This line was changed in the localization to, “when there’s a person I like,” which is more or less literally correct--however, the phrase “suki ni natta” is much heavier and more loaded with explicitly romantic implications than “suki” would be on its own, as it’s often used in Japanese love songs and shoujo manga love confessions.

Worth noting in my opinion is the fact that this is the exact same phrasing Maki uses to describe her romantic feelings for Momota. Since Maki’s feelings for Momota are considered canonically confirmed because of this, Ouma’s feelings should be considered equally canon, but a lot of people don’t know this because, well, it’s sort of been lost in translation.

And now, on to the fairy line! Ouma calls himself a fairy in chapter 3, when he pops up in the middle of Saihara and Korekiyo’s discussion of the katana in Korekiyo’s lab. Full of enthusiasm, he decides to touch the sword and examine it for himself; Korekiyo starts to object, but Ouma interrupts and says:

“Come on, it’s not a big deal! I’m like a fairy, so it’ll be fine!”

I’ve always really loved this line and thought it was super adorable, both as a nod to how fairies aren’t supposed to be able to touch steel in most fae mythos, as well as the fact that fairies tend to also have a love for mischief and pranks and lies. The localization apparently didn’t like it so much though, because this line is simply changed to, “Come on, would I lie to you?” instead.

One final thing I can think of as far as Ouma’s speech tics go is that his laugh in Japanese is romanized as “nishishi” instead of “neeheehee,” as this is closer to the Japanese onomatopoeia for the sound horses make--but I actually don’t mind this localization change at all! “Neeheehee” definitely looks a lot closer to the word “neigh” and helps capture that horse joke in a way that I feel like western players can more easily understand.

All in all, while I still definitely feel people can like and enjoy Ouma’s character from playing the localization alone, I still stand by my opinion that listening to the original Japanese voices helps give a much better picture of how the character was intended to come across, and really shows how much depth Hiro Shimono put into his performance. He’s quoted in the official ndrv3 artbook as saying that he believes Ouma is someone who’s actually “really meek if you take away his strong wish to outwit everyone” (credit to @kaibutsushidousha for the art book translation), and I think this interpretation of Ouma really shows through in so many of his lines.

Thank you both for the really fun questions! I hope I could provide some more interesting information about Ouma and the translation!

[2-cute-4-school]

NCT Dream reaction : you give them a handmade gift

M.list

Genre : fluff fluff fluff

Word count : 2.5K words

Mark Lee

*sigh* my overworked baby, SM pls let him rest

he probably forgets to eat from time to time or just doesn’t time to

which breaks your poor little heart :<

so when Mark stays in the recording room until late in the night once again, you don’t go to him empty handed

you go to him with a handful of homemade cookies!!! ヽ(^◇^*)/

when you enter the studio, Mark’s slumped figure immediately straightens up, tired eyes lighting up at the sight of you

he turns in his chair and stretched out his arms to you with a puppy face and your heart :((( just :((((( melts :(((((((((( wow mark no need to kill us all with your babie culture

but who are you to say no to this angel with somewhat less appropriate thoughts but you didn’t hear this from me so you don’t hesitate to walk into his open arms

he lays his head on your stomach, nuzzling into you and cuddling up to you like a clingy koala bear as you run your fingers comfortingly through his hair, lightly massaging his head 

with the serene atmosphere you almost forgot why you came so you pulled away from Mark, your heart clenching at his whine and bring the bag with the cookies out of your backpack and thrust it in his hands

he looks from you to the bag and back with eyes so wide and innocent your brain almost short circuited at the utter cuteness

he digs into it once you prompt him to, a soft ‘woah’ coming out from him once he was hit with the sight of freshly baked cookies

“daaamn these are so good, babe” your eyes shine with pride

as he sticks one in his mouth, munching delighted at it (◠‿◠✿) , he grabs you with an arm, sitting you on his lap like a baby that you are and prodding your lips with another cookie he grabbed out of the bag

“oh no, I made these for you, I don’t-”

he doesn’t let you finish your sentence as he pushes the cookie in your mouth, watching you fondly as you start munching on it and patting your head with a gentle hand

“you’re so much cuter when you’re not nagging”

*GASP*

the Disrespect

Huang Renjun

this baby probably also showers you in his own gifts such as paintings or drawing of you sooo

it’s only proper that you also gist him something made by you (°∀°)

you work your cute ass off to perfect the most adorable Moomin key-chain you can come up with *huff* 

the day you finally deem it good enough to be shown to the top artist Huang Renjun you sweat buckets as you approach him

Renjun is busy on his iPad as you paddle over to him and stick the key-chain in his face with a dumb but proud smile “here”

Renjun turns to you with a blank face “what is this?”

●‿●

when I tell you the blood drained from your face and you died 50 times internally, your soul just left your body and you saw your life flash before your eyes ‘well life was good, time to say goodbye eyy’

you manage a loud and definitely not artificial laugh

“HAHAHA JUST AN UGLY THING I made I MEAN FOUND HAha ʰᵃ!!! Hey doesn’t it look like you in the morning?!” 

that’s when you knew you gotta bolt the scene

but Renjun of course couldn’t let your embarrassment end there the grumpy little gremlin

he snatched the keychain from you and curled his other hand around you, gluing you to his side and you froze as you looked into his sparkly wide eyes ( Renjun’s eyes are galaxies fite me )

“you made this for me?”

“uh yeah” 

warning : you were strangled to death by Renjun who deemed that a simple ‘thank you’ just couldn’t suffice, you had to die asphyxiated by his bear hug

“thank u thank u thank it’s so cute, I love it so much! I love you so much!!!”

“do you love me more than Moomin?”

warning 2 : he threw you away faster than he captured you in his deathly cute hug

“know your place, no. 2″

(¤﹏¤)

Lee Jeno

so Jeno is just a biiiiit upset at you maybe

okay maybe a bit more than just a bit

because you might or might have not broken his favorite cup which, mind you, was also a gift from you, when you were at the dorms

so now this overgrown baby gives you THE stinky eye and makes sarcastic and grumpy remarks with any chance he gets

and honesty as much as you love him, you’re ABSOLUTELY DONE with his pettiness :’)

that’s how you find yourself seated at your desk with a blank cup, acrylic watercolors and brushes spread everywhere as you squeeze every ounce of willpower to finish what you started

so after 2 mental breakdown, painted fingers and a veryyy dirty desk, you finished painting a cute design on Jeno’s new cup

you let it dry and didn’t waste another second to bring it to Jeno who still sulked at the dorms

once you were let inside, you trudged over to Jeno who was sat at the couch, refusing to get up and greet you with kisses as he usually did and slammed the cup on the coffee table in front of him

his frown turned into a confused puppy face so fast his duality amazed you once again, he lifted the cup gently, running the tips of his fingers gently over the paintings you worked so hard to complete for him

“are you still mad, nono?”

his silence was quite unnerving as you started to tire yourself out, your voice weakened by worry, but he lifted his head, looking at you with eyes so soft your heart fluttered wildly in your chest

“mad? you-you did this for me and you think I’m mad?”

he put the cup down much gentler than you and stood up from his seat, engulfing you in his arms, one of his hands squeezing you impossibly close to him and the other one cradling your head to his chest

“I think I just fell in love with you once again”

“if you fall in love just from a painted cup I should be more careful when I leave you alone”

he chuckled at your witty remark, kissing the side of his neck

once you broke apart, he placed his new favorite cup on the highest shelf and turned to you with a shit-eating grin

“i’ll put this here so maybe you won’t break this one too”

“sleep with an eye open tonight, lee” (☉‿☉✿)

Lee Donghyuck

so another overworked baby of mine bless his soul

his schedule is so packed so even though he’d cuddle with you until the end of times you actually didn’t get to do that as often as you’d like

and we all know how whiny lil cutie baby Haechanie can get when he doesn’t get what he wants :’))))

and since unfortunately you can’t be beside him all of the time like he wants you to, you decide the next best thing : you knit him a scarf !! you even stuck a tag made out of a soft material with a drawing of a smiley sun to one end of the scarf

he looks so shocked when you skip into his room and lovingly strangle him with the scarf

and you swear you could see his eyes glisten when you tell him you made it yourself and he remembers the bandaids that seemed to grow in number every day which you always shrugged of when he asked

although the tears may be from the lack of air  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

n e way, he looks so thankful as he wordlessly cradles your hands in his, bringing them up to his lips and taking the time to litter kisses over every single one of your small injuries, whispering a soft ‘i love you’ at the end

you swear your heart runs leaps through your rib cage

he just loves you so so much and would appreciate anything you give him 

you bring his face back up and press a huge *smooch* on his lips and you both giggle in between your kisses

why so cute you lovebirds?!?

he brings the scarf everywhere he goes, to the dorms, to every show, concert, whenever he travels somewhere, no matter the season

it becomes his lucky charm

once, Renjun sends you a picture of your Hyuckie sleeping cuddled up to the scarf, his nose nuzzled into it

“you know I won’t let him forget about this. EVER” you smirk at Renjun’s text, typing back a reply

“pls do” ( ಠ◡ಠ )

Na Jaemin

this sweet boi hold close to his heart anything you give him

so there’s literally no reason to stress over the bracelet you decided to craft for him

but you being you of course you want to rip your hair out every time something doesn’t go your way ah the levels of patience are definitely soaring through the roof

you even swallowed your pride and asked Jeno for help (read as used him as a puppet) so you were sure you’d get the right size

so after doubting the colors, patterns, material, your entire life choices, you asked Jaemin to close his eyes the next time you met up

with extra shaky fingers, you wrapped the bracelet around his wrist and fumbled to tie it properly

“I’m not getting any younger over here, y/n”

“shut up, mommy jaemie”

he managed to slap the back of your head even with his eyes closed (>‘o’)>

so when you finally tied a sturdy knot with your chicken fingers, you let him open his eyes and beach let me tell you the way his entire face broke into a smile at the sight of the pretty bracelet around your wrist

the sun seemed to pale in comparison with his precious smile, jaemin lights up the world no question, there’s no way you can convince me otherwise

“oh my God, my baby spent time making me such a pretty gift, I must have saved a country in my previous life, come here, let me smooch you into next week (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ “

so that’s how you ended up trapped in Jaemin’s embrace FOREVER

he kept on complimenting you the entire day and made it his mission to boast to every member he could get is hands on about his pretty gift made by his even prettier baby, he’s such a sucker for you no joke whipped culture right here m’am

“Jaemin, the the threads are getting dirty, don’t you think it’s time to take it off-?”

“I’ll die wearing this ʘ‿ʘ“

Zhong Chenle

among all of his ultra expensive things he has, he is dead sure that you’re the most precious in his life

he often told you he’d give up every penny in his bank and all his fame as long as he got to keep you by his side

he regarded you as a ray of warm light when the world left him cold and he swore he’d fight off anything and anyone who dared to hurt you

so this is how he found himself a bit confused and extremely guilty over how he is supposed to fight himself, watch and learn baby

he never meant to upset you, especially over something you poured your blood, sweat and tears into perfecting it just for him

sure, you were aware the Chinese patters you sewed carefully into a pristine white material weren’t perfect, but the way he laughed in you face once you offered it to him toppled your negative emotions over

he wasn’t aware that you sewed it yourself when he made fun of it

“jeez, where did you get this from, Y/N, the clownery fair? even though you should report them for to costumer protection for its ugliness”

“maybe I should report you for being a bitchy prick” ʕ ಡ ﹏ ಡ ʔ

you glare at him and storm away, slamming the door

chenle, the most oblivious and babiest boyfriend : (Θ︹Θ)ს well shit

but of course you couldn’t stay mad at him for long when he sweet talked his way back into your good side basically every minute of the day after finding out from Renjun (this angry angel helped you bless his soul) how hard you worked to sew that

so even though you’re still sulking a lil bit

you accept to come over at his house and as soon as you enter his room you’re shook

where one of his posters once hung above his bed now stood your sewing project proudly

you stared in awe like （’◎’）

“but I though you said it’s ugly”

“that’s before I knew it’s made by you. Anything you did is directly promoted to gorgeous, admirable, incomparable-”

ヾ(＠⌒▽⌒＠)ﾉ

3 weeks later while cuddling 

you : *GASP* “I’m so sorry for calling you a bitchy prick, baby”

Park Jisung

he is a giant as much as he is a baby and you agree with me even if you don’t 

babies are fascinated by almost anything, especially colorful things

which means Jisung is also fascinated by colorful things ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

so when you met and you pulled out a few origami figures of different, lively colors, Jisung : (✪㉨✪)

“woah, how did you do these?”

“they’re like basic origami figurines”

if he wasn’t amazed enough already

when you picked up a purple frog and pressed on its bottom and it jumped, Jisung jumped up with it

“WOAH, how did you do THAT?”

you didn’t have the heart to break his innocent awe and tell him it didn’t take longer than 5 minutes to make that frog

so you just settled for a shrug and a simple

“magic, Jisung, magic”

at that, he straightens up in his seat, his awestruck expression fading into a serious one as he grips your shoulders tightly （´＿｀）

“you’ve been lying to me, haven’t you?” ~(｡☉︵ ಠ@)>

“what do you mean, sungie?”

“you’re a wizard!!!!!!!!!”

*facepalm* *internal sigh* *whale noises because cuteness levels are just too high* 

“uh, yeah sure, baby, whatever floats your boat”

you try to turn away to hide your growing smile, but jisung isn’t having it

“no, you can’t leave me like this!! teach me!!!1!”

he grips your sleeve and looks at you with such wide innocent eyes as if you’re another wonder of the world and you swear you melt on the spot

“well, you know, my services aren’t free” (¬‿¬)

“what do you want?”

“kisses?” ( jisung shutting down )

“k-kisses? kisses??!? i mean *clears throat and buffs up* yeah sure, that’s all? i can do kisses” ( this baby blushed after only mentioning it but okay boss baby go off I guess ) (*~▽~)

he could’t even be disappointed when he found out origami was nowhere near to magic when you spoiled him with kithes all evening *cue a red Jisungie*

[suituuup]

pieces - chapter fourteen

Five years ago, Chloe dropped off the face of the Earth. Beca didn't expect to see her again dancing in a strip club, out of all places.

rating: E (drug use and emotional abuse in early chapters)

ao3 link

*

“A bit higher.” 

Beca pushed the small mountain-shaped shelf an inch higher, looking over her shoulder as she held it. “Like that?” 

Chloe nodded, smiling. “Perfect.” She walked over and handed Beca the drill, watching as she skillfully made a hole into the wall and inserted a dowel. “I didn’t know you were handy with tools.” 

Beca snickered. “Basic things only.” She twisted the screw in and hung the shelf, taking a few steps back to observe her work. “That looks cute.” 

Chloe glanced around the room, nodding as she absent-mindedly rubbed her belly. She had just reached thirty weeks, and Bean’s arrival was scarily close. The nursery was coming along nicely, the crib having just been delivered today, while the rest was pretty much done. 

The closet was full of onesies, tops, pants and a few dresses, swaddles, blankets, and loveys, and the dark oak changing table (matching the yet to be assembled crib) was stocked up with diapers, wipes, bodysuits, and a variety of creams and oils. 

Chloe had channeled her stress into reading as much as she could about newborns, what to do and not do, and while she had experience with babies from back when she was a teenager, she was relieved not to be doing this on her own.

“It does,” Chloe agreed, loving the subtle woodland theme she went for and all the love they poured into making this safe place for Bean. “It’s really cozy.” 

“Alright, now onto the big project,” Beca said, nodding towards the large package laying on the floor. “You’ll get to see how limited my knowledge of tools really is.” 

Chloe laughed and helped take the different parts of the cribs out of the box, then headed into the kitchen to get them some refreshments. 

The last six weeks had been really good. The Bellas welcoming her back with open arms had definitely helped with Chloe’s recovery, and her talk with Beca, that promise that she would wait for her to be ready filled Chloe with a renewed sense of self-worth and made her fall in love with Beca a little bit more. 

Chloe was now just over six months sober. The nagging for booze and snow sat somewhere at the back of the brain, and she doubted it would ever go away, but she was getting better at not listening to it. 

She stifled a laugh at the sight of Beca looking awfully perplexed by the instructions when she walked back into the room. “You good?” 

Beca chuckled. “Yeah. Just trying to make sense of this.” She glanced up to Chloe, accepting the glass of homemade lemonade with a smile and setting it beside her. 

“They sent us two baby monitors?” Chloe asked as she sat on the floor, noticing the two exact same boxes. They had ordered a bunch of stuff from the same website, and quite a few boxes had come with the crib while Chloe was at her NA meeting, and Beca had put everything in the nursery. “We only ordered one.” 

“No, um, I figured one more would be handy,” Beca said as she picked up one of the crib ends and two of the four legs, along with four bolts. “So I hear Bean when she cries at night, too.”

Chloe shook her head. “I can take care of nights. I don’t want your whole sleeping rhythm to be thrown off because of Bean, you’ve got work, too.” 

“I know, but I’m concerned the lack of sleep might mess up with your recovery if you handle it on your own. I’ve read some horror stories about some babies waking up every few hours and that for six months.” Her focus shifted from the crib assembling to Chloe. “I meant what I said when I told you you wouldn’t be on your own with this. But I don’t want to overstep either, so I want you to tell me if you need me to back up a little. I promise I won’t be upset.” 

Chloe’s heart swelled with more love. She didn’t know why she kept being surprised every time Beca showed her how dedicated to the both of them she was. Still, she felt a little guilty for disrupting Beca’s routine, but she knew Beca was right. 

“You’re not overstepping,” Chloe assured her, softly. “And I want you guys to bond, so I think you taking care of her without me might be a great way to do that.”

“Okay,” Beca murmured, smiling as she went back to her task at hand. “The label already knows I’m taking two months off once she’s born, so I’m around to help out. Maybe she’ll sleep through the night by the time I have to head back.” 

Chloe chuckled. “We can always dream.” She cleared her throat. “I was also thinking about Bean’s guardians, in case something happens to me, and I’d like for you to be one of them.” 

Beca paused mid-screwing in a bolt and met Chloe’s gaze. It was clear she was moved, and it made Chloe smile. “Of course. I’d be honored.” 

“Aubrey will be the other guardian, just so you know. So if I die, you’ll be seeing a lot more of her.” 

Beca’s nose wrinkled. “Is it too late to backtrack?” She asked with a soft laugh. Chloe knew she was just joking, as she and Aubrey got on really well, now. “I think Aubrey is a great pick. At least I know I won’t have to be the bad cop. But let’s hope she and I never have to be Bean’s guardians. I’m good with just being the cool aunt.”

The crib was easier to put together than they had originally thought. It only took Beca forty-five minutes, and once it was all done, Chloe grabbed the mattress and set it inside.

“It’s just missing one thing,” Beca said, casting Chloe a smile before she left the room, coming back a minute later. “Close your eyes.” 

Chloe did so, and it sounded like Beca was fumbling with something by the crib. 

“Okay, open them now.” 

Chloe let out a soft gasp at the sight of the animal mobile set up above the crib. A fox surrounded by mountains and clouds. “Beca…” 

“I wanted to get Bean a gift, and you mentioned an animal mobile, so I had this custom made with a friend of a friend.” 

“It’s perfect,” Chloe whispered, blinking back the tears pricking behind her eyes. She was used to crying over the smallest of things by now that she wasn’t embarrassed anymore. Wrapping an arm around Beca’s waist, she leaned her head over her shoulder, basking in the warmth and peace being in close proximity with Beca brought her. 

“I think so, too,” Beca murmured, her own arm coming up to wrap around Chloe’s back as she brushed a soft kiss to her forehead. 

*

Summer chilled to fall over the following week. Chloe was thankful for the cooler temperatures, as her body felt like a furnace on its own, she didn’t need any additional heat. Now thirty-one weeks, she had started to waddle, much to Beca’s amusement, it seemed, even if she only claimed to find it adorable. She also got winded after walking up a single flight of stairs and was insanely grateful for the elevator in Beca’s building. 

Hanging a left when it reached the right floor, Chloe headed down the hallway, pulling her keys out of her jacket pocket and sliding them into the lock. 

“SURPRISE!” 

Chloe jolted slightly, her hand shooting up to her chest in shock. Most of the Bellas stood in Beca’s decorated living-room, beaming at her. Above them hung a cute oh baby banner and a table was laid out with various snacks and a cake. 

“Oh my gosh, you guys!” She exclaimed as soon as she regained her composure, stepping further inside to hug each one of her friends tightly. “Did you do all this?” She asked when she got to Beca, awe leaking in her tone.

“Aubrey helped,” Beca said, nodding towards the blonde standing to her right. 

“Thank you,” Chloe murmured as she pulled away, embracing Aubrey next. It had taken some time for them to find their way back to how they used to be after so many years apart, and Chloe was so grateful Aubrey gave her a second chance. “Love you, Bree.” 

“Love you, too.” 

The afternoon was filled with fun activities such as onesie decorating, a Name that Tune game with songs that had the word baby in it, and a cupcake decorating contest. Towards the end of the day, Chloe was coaxed into opening the girls’ present, starting with the one Jessica set in her lap. 

“This is from all of us,” she said, smiling as Chloe peered into the bag. 

She fished the item out, her heart bursting in her chest as she unfolded the blue and gold onesie which bore the Barden Bella B. “Oh… I love it. Thank you.” 

The girls definitely spoiled Bean, gifting Chloe with a bunch of adorable onesies, animal stuffies, mittens, swaddles, a bear winter jumpsuit for those freezing days ahead of them, and an expensive-looking electric swing.

“This is too much,” she croaked out once she had unwrapped the large box, shaking her head in disbelief as the girls simply waved her concern off. 

“Oh, that’s from your parents,” Beca chimed in as Chloe reached for the second-to-last present. 

Tears pooled in her eyes (she had honestly lost track of how many times she’d cried in the last couple of hours) as she took the familiar item out of the bag. “It’s my baby blanket,” she told the girls as she unfolded the mustard blanket her mom had knitted while she was pregnant with her. She traced the name she had picked for her baby girl, which her mom had added in white lettering in a corner. Chloe smiled as she brought it to her nose; it smelled like home. 

The last gift was a pampering kit for Chloe, as well as a few items she would need for after labor. 

“I learned some stuff about childbirth that I wish I’d never known while looking for items to add to this,” Amy said with a grimace, drawing a giggle from Chloe. “I didn’t know things could tear like that down below.” 

Chloe winced along with the rest of the Bellas, her chuckle coming out strained. “Thanks, Amy.” 

Beca ordered pizzas for everyone, and the girls stuck around until nine pm, helping to clean up the living-room before they left. Chloe changed into her pajamas and made herself some herbal tea for her and Beca, joining her on the couch. 

“You okay?” Beca asked as she took one of the mugs from Chloe. 

“Yeah,” Chloe breathed out, curling up on the opposite end of the couch. “Thank you for today. It was so nice to see the girls again. I’m really lucky.” 

“You’re welcome, Chlo.” She motioned towards her lap. “C’mon, hand me those feet.” 

Chloe giggled, setting her feet on Beca’s thighs and biting back a moan as she started kneading the sole of her right foot. It had become a sort of a ritual these past few weeks, for Beca to give Chloe a foot rub while they chilled on the couch after dinner. “Am I going to lose those privileges once I’m no longer pregnant?” She teased. 

Beca smirked. “We’ll see.”

“I heard back from my old vet school, this morning,” Chloe said, following a few minutes of comfortable silence. She had been communicating back and forth with the advisor over there, who finally heard back from the head of the department. “Since I did two years of vet school already, I’d only have to do one more year to become a vet tech. They offered for me to jump into the school year in January, but that feels a little too soon after Bean gets here, so I think I’ll wait until September next year,” she explained as she rubbed her bump. “But I definitely plan on getting a part-time job waitressing or something by next spring, as soon as Bean is old enough go to daycare.” 

Finding a good daycare with availability had been a headache, but Chloe had luckily found a spot at the one she had set her eyes on in the neighborhood. 

“That’s great news,” Beca mused aloud, smiling. “I’m proud of you.” 

“I wouldn’t be where I am without you, Bec,” Chloe murmured, returning her smile. A groan flitted past her lips a second later. “Ugh, I need to pee again.” 

Beca chuckled as Chloe heaved herself to her feet and waddled to the bathroom. She had just shut the door behind her when a sharp pain in her lower belly made her double over, her hand shooting out to grip the counter while the other one cradled her bump. 

Panic gripped her insides as she slowly straightened when her head stopped spinning, letting go of her stomach to dip her hand past the waistband of her sweatpants. Her fingers met something warm and sticky, and Chloe’s heart lurched to her throat when she pulled them out, eyes zeroing on the blood. 

“No, no, no,” she muttered to herself, forcing down the lump forming in her throat with a hard swallow. She called Beca’s name, her voice wavering as tears rose to her eyes. 

“What’s wrong??” Beca rushed out as she rounded the corner, the sight before her answering her own question. Her eyes widened, and she paled, freezing for a couple of seconds before setting into motion. “I’m taking you to the ER. I’ll grab your shoes and coat.” 

Chloe gave a faint nod even though she wasn’t sure she registered Beca’s words. Her feet seemed rooted to the floor while Beca’s hurried steps faded. She couldn’t move. She kept staring at her bloodied hand as the most dreaded, terrible, gut-wrenching feeling seized her entire being. 

“I can’t--” she found herself saying when Beca appeared in her line of vision. The air got stuck in her throat before it could reach her lungs, just as her words died before it reached her tongue. She couldn’t lose her baby. “Bec.” 

“I know,” Beca murmured as she helped Chloe slip her jacket on. Her own hands were shaking. She bent down to guide Chloe’s feet into her sneakers, one by one, then grabbed a towel from the cupboard under the sink. 

Another cramp made Chloe cry out, and she felt more blood seeping out of her, in a greater amount this time around. She felt it dripping down her legs and choked on a sob, clutching at her stomach. 

The elevator ride and walk to the car was a blur, and Chloe found herself blankly staring out the window as Beca rushed to the hospital, hoping with all her might that her baby would be okay.

[cosmiclatte28]

Dream a Dream (Renjun x you)

a/n: Hello! It’s been a while, but happy new year! Sorry for not updating any stories, as I mentioned in previous post I have several stories stuck because of home works and a busy week. 

So, here marks my first oneshot of Renjun and first oneshot after the Christmas project! Without further delay, here we go!

Warning : angst but of course it ends beautifully   you can also see I am simping Renjun now :D 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 

For the second time, you sigh and look into your brother’s eyes trying to find help. The dining room suddenly feels so suffocating and you try to cower yourself to feel smaller in this room. Across you is your brother, Jeno, and on his right is your father beside you sit your mother.

“I have told you, you are not going to Japan, not to study there.” Your mother continues her rambling. It is dinner, but she doesn’t seem to care. The atmosphere is ruined, for you, to enjoy the heartful dinner.

You want to backlash at her words, saying that no matter what she says, you will find a way to get that scholarship offer and fly to the Rising Sun country to pursue a degree. However, you know better to be quiet now if you still want to try and coax her tomorrow.

Earlier you were saying that your application to your dream university in Japan is accepted, Jeno was delighted when he heard this but your happiness come to an end right the second your mother went into your room and snatch the acceptance letter. Her eyes widened and the next thing you know, she stormed out of the room with a hard look on her face.

When your father arrives home, everyone is seated in their chairs and mother decided to talk about the acceptance letter and how you are not allowed to go.

“I’ve told you (y/n), you are my only daughter and I do not want to lose my only daughter.” She at first calmly says this. Then she continues “Didn’t I tell you already that you’re beautiful, pretty, charming, and those traits are enough to ensure you a rich husband that will fulfil your life perfectly.”

Your father doesn’t seem to object nor care, well you believe he is already tired listening the same thing going on for the last three years. Since your freshman year in high school, you’ve been telling your family of your dream to study in Japan, but since day one, your mother objected. Her reason was not because you’re dumb or your family cannot fund the tuition, it’s merely because she believes a daughter shouldn’t live a hard life. Studying and working hard are the responsibilities of the men she said, and women like you just have to find the rich husband, dress nice beside them and be their good companion.

“Mom, I know, but the world has changed. I want to pursue my dream like Jeno hyung.” You politely speak up.

Her grip on the spoon stiffens and she looks into you sternly, “Jeno should earn his degree so he can work successfully and provide good wealth for his family. You darling, I am offering you an easier path and I know just the perfect place to find you the dearest, rich husbands. Now enough of this talk, finish dinner and help me clean up the dishes.”

Jeno kicks your leg under the table to at least send you a signal that he is going to stand on your side. His face shows he is sorry for you, but he knows now is not the right time yet to speak up.

Dinner ended and you help your mom to wash the dishes. Well you do have maids, but they do not stay the night at home. The maids are only here from morning to noon, dinner must be taken care by your mom and you.

“(Y/n), for the sake of god. Stop acting foolish. I’ve seen you sneaking around to extra science classes at school, instead of going to the socialite gathering I signed you up for.” She said in disappointment.  

You sigh, well in your private school for elites there is a silly community where the rich gathers and make bonds, attend weekend parties or social events, and if you’re lucky win one of their hearts and got asked a hand for marriage.

“It’s just a science club, they’re fun and I only go there once a week.” You lie, you go there every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and just pop into the community once in a month.

Your mother chuckles, “You think I am stupid? I know you do not attend the socialite gathering, you always go home to finish a lab report. I mean you being in your room, without any loud voice of the TV nor any sound of you calling anyone means you either read or do something. You don’t read because your books are in the library.”

You curse in your heart, she really is as smart as Sherlock, why can’t she allow you to use your similarly brilliant brain to study rather than prepare to be a good wife.

“I am texting the school’s principal to ban you from that science club, you must attend the community’s events. Also, stop seeing that man from your science club, Huang? Huang Renjun is it? He isn’t as noble as the others, instead I suggest you learn more about that son of NA CORPS, Jaemin.” she wipes her wet hands on the towel and leaves you speechless.

You stand in front of the sink, perplexed that your mother knows everything about your secret. More surprisingly she knows Renjun, now who is spilling the secret here?

You go up to your room and sit on your bed. Your eyes drift to the duffel bag you’ve prepared this week. Your phone rings and you pick it up with a big grin.

“Renjun-a!” you greet him as you fling yourself to the big soft mattress in your lavender room.

There is a soft giggle from the other end, “Hey there princess,” he greets. You blush at the nickname, Renjun has been your best friend since the first day of school. You share a table with him and he shares the same timetable as yours. He is a fun guy with angelic features, blonde hair, and beautiful voice. Both of you love nature and has been in the science club and scout team for three years. This Friday there is a scout camp going on until Sunday and Renjun had helped you sign up for it, since your mother would maybe die if she knows her daughter is not only a science club member but also a scout girl.

“So, are you packed up for Friday?” he asks just in case you need help from him to get supplies.

You shake your head, “No need. Mom actually thought I am going to stay over at Victoria’s house. Well she promised she won’t spill any tea and lie for me as I promise her Jeno’s number.”

Renjun giggles, he knows you will find a way and he has no doubt that 97% of them always work.

“Great then, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night luv, take care!” Renjun sends a flying kiss through the phone and you blush at this. He is not your boyfriend, but look at how comfortable he is to flirt around with you.

“Bye bye Injunie,” you squeak and close your phone right in time when the door opens and a wild Jeno appears.

“You’re staying in Victoria’s house?” he asks, apparently your mother told him not to pick you up tomorrow because you’re staying over.

You pull him into your side and glance on the door. “Shh, I lied. Keep it a secret, I’ll be in the mountain tomorrow. So, if there is no signal or bad reception.. please cover up for me.”

Jeno shakes his head, “Cover up? I need to lie again?”

You plead him with your puppy eyes he always lose to, “I’ll accompany you to the cat café next month for the whole week.”

He smiles “Nice, don’t worry I’ll pretend I know what you’re doing.”

You grin “Oh please work on the lie with Victoria, so if mom cross checks you two won’t be caught lying. I have put her name under your contact list.”

Jeno looks surprised, but just shakes his head. “Come here,” He pulls you into his arms and hugs you.

You breathe in and relax your shoulder, “I am sorry for what mom always do to you. I’ll try to talk with her when you’re away. Just take good care of yourself and have fun okay!” he ruffles your hair and kisses your forehead.

“Thank you hyung,” you whisper and detach yourself from him.

The next day, you’re very excited to finally leave behind your problems with mom and just enjoy your freedom in the camping grounds. It’s just near the mountain and the track is not hard. You and Renjun are a part of the officer team, considering the fact that both of you are senior here.

“Need help pitching that tent?” Renjun pops up behind you and you shake your head, “Nah, I’m good, almost done. Why don’t you help the juniors?” you point your chin at a group of struggling kids, well it is not surprising some of them are never raised this way but they have to choose one activity outside subject and the scout activity is always the one with least student. So, those who are late in registering will end up here.

You finish setting up your tent, help the others too and go with the activities. There’s nothing much to do, you just have to prepare dinner with Renjun while the other instructors will lead the troop to explore the areas and learn basic nature things.

You admit Renjun cooks better than you, although his cooking skills are just to the point where it is edible, yours are worse.

“How is this?” Renjun brings a spoonful of the red kimchi stew he is making, and you take a taste test.

Your eyes lighten up, “Hm this is way better than what you always make for me.” He sends you a death glare, but you’re used to it. “Hey at least I am saying something good.” You bump his shoulder and his smile relights.

“Look at the cute couple here, what are you two making this time?” A familiar mischievous voice makes the two of you turn your heads to sigh at the man coming to the cooking area.

“Haechan,” you sigh, “We’re not a couple and what are you doing here? What’s your duty?” you ask as you continue helping Renjun cuts up tofu and onions. Haechan is the most annoying yet dearest friend of yours.

“I am the guarding team, my job is basically in the night with Mark. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you two if you’re going to spend a time alone in the woods.” He winks and you throw him a spoon, that missed but he’s happily running away. Renjun stays quiet somehow after Haechan’s appearance but you don’t really take matter of it. He’s always quiet when he’s focused.

Dinner went amazingly well, all of the tired students enjoy Renjun’s kimchi stew and you’re glad you don’t have to wash the dishes, the students played a game and losing team has to clean up.

The night activity too was like the usual one, where we sit around the bon fire and tell stories. It is dark and now you’re alone with Renjun left by your side. He grabs a guitar someone brought and after taking glance around, Renjun picks the strings and start playing a piece of melody. You lean into his shoulder, something you’ve always done to him and watch as the starry night move above you.

“That is beautiful but why are you playing such a sad song?” you ask Renjun after the pretty angel plucks his last string. You cannot lie listening to a sad song in the night alone with Renjun hurts so much. You suddenly remember the small quarrel with your mom and you feel like you have to tell him this.

“Injun-a, do you know that there’s a lot of thing I want to share with you but sometimes I can’t find the right time to say it.” You avert your gaze away from his soft eyes.

“First and foremost, I am sorry that…” your voice trails off but Renjun stays there to listen, “I am sorry I cannot fulfil our promise to leave for Japan together.” You sigh.

It’s a small promise you made with Renjun on your first month of friendship and since then both of you have been working hard to get good grades and prepare the requirements for entering the university.

Renjun did not look surprised, but he is the best man in covering his feelings. Unlike Renjun who can read you like an open book, you cannot read him at all. He just plays with his fingers and after a while looks into your eyes.

“(y/n), I know it’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself, besides we can still figure out a way to fulfil this dream of ours.” He calmly threads your hair.

You shake your head, “It won’t happen Renjun, mom looks final with her decision. I am so sorry you have to leave by yourself.”

The young man chuckles dryly, “If you’re not going, then I won’t too.”

You snap at him, “What do you mean? It is your dream too!”

He nods, “It is my dream, and yours too. Our promise is to achieve our dream together right? So if fate decides to leave one of us behind, screw it I’ll stay.”

You can no longer hold back the tears in your eyes, who are you to deserve him? He really is an angel in disguise, always putting your importance first before his.

“Don’t cry, I am not going anywhere if you’re not there.” Was his last promise before he engulfs you into his warm shoulder and hugs you as the last bits of fire flickers in the dark and went out.

It is dark now, with only the moon shining over both of your face. Your glazy eyes met his and without second thoughts, you bring your lips to seal his. When there is no sign of objections you hold it there, letting Renjun takes over instead. One of his arm makes his way to the nape of your neck, gently pressing your head closer to him so he can devour you. So this unexplainable emotions in your hearts can be set free.

It’s not passionate, it’s rushed, full of hurt emotion, and sadness. You feel pain as you try to remember just how soft his lips are, after this you may never see him again. Renjun finally lets go and under the moonlight you can see him wiping away a tear. Your heart cracks, “Injun-ie,” you bring your thumb to wipe his cheek, but he is faster to hold your wrist in the air.

Your face shows surprise, is he rejecting you? He didn’t wipe his tear. Instead, he asks you a question you never expect him to ask.

“Do you ever love me as someone more than a friend?” his sincere question laced with dreadful pain makes you close your eyes.

“I love you to the point that it hurts Renjun,” you reply in a heartbeat.

He  closes his eyes and forces a sad smile, “Can you just once, tell me you love me?”

You want to ask him what he means by once? You’ll tell him over and over! But since you’re an open book to him, he answers you first before you can even gasp

“I know you’re forbidden to love me, I don’t want you to say that to me. It’s a sacred word prin- I mean (y/n). You should only say that to the person you truly love.” He looks down on his feet. Your heart burns when he refuses to even call you by his nickname.

He’s not dumb, he knows how this society of the rich works. It is always them choosing their daughter and son’s partner. He knows your mother doesn’t like him, merely because she never invites him to any of the tea party or dinner. The school knows that your family had made a promise to Jaemin’s family that if their children are of different gender, they will tie the bond. It’s just wonderful how the whole school, including Renjun, knows but not you.

Yes, you and Jaemin both know nothing. Both parents just try to make it look “natural” by sending their children to the same school, put them in the same group of community, and make them see each other as frequent as possible.

You stop crying and look into his eyes, “Renjun, you say I just have to say that word to the man I really love right?”

He nods, he knows he is dumb for saying that. He should’ve just asked you out to be his before you and Jaemin become a thing, but that will just hurt you and him. And having to hurt more is not something Renjun needs right at this moment.

“I love you Renjun,” you whisper sincerely. This may be the only chance you get to say it out loud to him. And the brilliant boy seizes his moment too, “I love you too, princess.”

You and Renjun stay together for a couple of minutes in silence. Because sometimes silence speaks louder, and emotions are conveyed better. You did not know where tomorrow will bring you, but at least you’re not regretting your decision tonight that being telling your true feelings to the person you love.

end.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ thank you for the supports 

[ravs6709]

Of Distant Dreams (That Can't Come True)- Lee Jihye/Na Bori

Read on ao3 here

Spoilers for the epilogue! Takes place throughout the group regression. We barely get to see any of Na Bori in canon, but I still have a lot of feels for Jihye's relationship with her. So many feels in fact, that I actually wrote something that isn't mainly fluff

It's a little messy, but it's not my usual style, so I'm still pretty proud of it

Warnings: Angst, unhappy ending (just to be clear, NBR doesn't die again, but the two of them separate), NBR's death is mentioned a lot (so choking warning), nightmares, mention of skipping meals, ask for other warnings

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Jihye-yah!" The door to Taepung Girls' broadcasting studio slammed open.

Na Bori ran through the entrance, panting. "Jihye-yah, what's going on?" Then she froze, her gaze falling on Han Sooyoung. "Who is this person?"

Lee Jihye noticed that Han Sooyoung looked back and forth between the two girls. Then she stared at Na Bori, and Lee Jihye wondered if she knew who Na Bori was. She could, considering that she'd read the beginning of Ways of Survival. Han Sooyoung may not have known much, but based on the way her eyes widened, she must have known enough. She told Lee Jihye that she'd move on ahead to the other areas, along with some instructions.

"Bori-yah, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the classroom?" Lee Jihye tried to keep her voice neutral, but the overwhelming relief she felt caused her to sound breathy instead. She knew that Na Bori would survive this time, she'd made sure of it, but actually seeing her friend alive … she wanted to cry. She did it. Na Bori didn't die this time.

"I should be asking you that question," Na Bori said, too overwhelmed by what was going on to notice the look on Lee Jihye's face. "Everything that's been going on… the dokkaebi, all the insect eggs, coins and some kind of scenario. You know how that apocalyptist Selena Kim said there was going to be an apocalypse, is this it? And then you came up to me and you…" she took the box out of her pocket. "You gave me this. Jihye, what's going on?"

Lee Jihye didn't know what to say. How was she supposed to tell her that the Lee Jihye she knew no longer existed? That she was from a different worldline, and that she'd killed Na Bori in order to survive? That she has come to this worldline so she could save someone? Sometimes it was a struggle to even look at her, when all she could see was the person that she'd choked to death.

"Bori-yah, it'll be alright," she said, before wincing.

⸢"Jihye-yah, it'll be alright,"⸥ Na Bori had told her.

She took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled. Then she did it again. "I'll explain everything to you later." How was Master able to do this? How was he able to regress and then look into the eyes of the people he'd cared for, and pretend that everything was okay? How was he able to do this for every regression that he'd lived? "I'll make sure you'll be okay."

Na Bori was not a person who was easily scared, she was probably one of the most fearless people that Lee Jihye knew. But at that moment, she looked terrified. She wanted to hold her tight and whisper assurances, but she couldn't do that. 

"Jihye… please tell me what's going on. You've been acting weird for the past month, and now all this is happening. I'll help you with whatever you're doing. Please crybaby, just tell me."

Lee Jihye wiped her eyes, not realizing that she'd been crying. "That scenario that everyone received earlier," she began. "It's the beginning of something awful. But me and many of the others, we're going to help everyone and clear the scenarios. It'll be okay."

"Was that unnie who left one of the people you know?"

She nodded.

"Will you be staying here?"

She froze. "I'll be here for a little bit, but I'll be gone in a few hours."

She wanted to stay with Na Bori, hold her in her arms while Na Bori would lovingly call her 'crybaby', but she couldn't. She had the scenarios to clear, and this wasn't her Na Bori. The Na Bori from your regression is dead, she reminded herself. It was a painful thought, but enough to get her to concentrate on what was important.

The two of them stayed in the broadcasting room as Lee Jihye awaited the second scenario. She gave out more instructions, advising them to not act rashly, and that everything would be okay. Na Bori sat there silently, and she could feel her gaze on her  but she wasn't able to look back.

After she was finished, she picked up her bag and sword.

"Are you leaving now?" Na Bori asked.

She nodded. "I have to go meet up with the others."

"Okay." And that was it. Except Na Bori walked closer and closer , and Lee Jihye closed her eyes, unable to look at her. A pair of lips pressed against her cheek. "Come back soon, okay?"

The next few seconds were a blur. She had no idea if she'd spoken or merely nodded, before exiting the room. What she did know was that Na Bori had whispered 'I love you, Jihye-yah' and then Lee Jihye was running. Her footsteps were loud, her eyes burning, breaths heavy, and heart pounding. Even then, those four words continuously echoed in her mind, unable to be drowned out.

Once she was no longer able to keep on running, she fell to her knees and cried.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Lee Jihye pulled out a piece of paper to write on. As she wrote, she rested her other hand against her mouth to hide her smile. She reached over to her side and passed the note to Na Bori, careful to make sure that the teacher wouldn't see. Pretending to pay attention to the lesson, she looked at Na Bori, who was reading the note.

Na Bori smiled softly, her eyes sparkling in the evening light. Lee Jihye couldn't help but stare, because she was so beautiful. It'd only been recently since she'd realized that her feelings for her friend were romantic, and ever since, she'd been finding herself staring a lot more often. It probably wasn't a good idea to be staring so much. But every time she saw Na Bori smile at her, the way that their fingers would brush against each other more often, she couldn't help but wonder if her feelings might actually be reciprocated.

A finger tapped her arm, and Lee Jihye blinked, not realizing that Na Bori had already written back. 

'Hey, let's go to the movies tomorrow for lunch,' the note read.

Lee Jihye wrote a reply, then passed the note back. The smile on Na Bori's face was even wider now, and-

There was a flash of light. When it faded, there was a ball of fluff the size of her head with cute black eyes and a mischievous smile. A dokkaebi.

No. Lee Jihye rose to her feet, her chair slamming into the desk behind her. She knew what this was. No. No no no. Not this again.

She ignored the dokkaebi as it spoke, and stood next to Na Bori. "I'll protect you this time," she whispered. "I won't let you die."

She grabbed her arm and the two of them were running around the classroom, ignoring the protests from her teacher. The dokkaebi seemed confused, but it continued on with its speech. She just needed to find something, anything that would allow for the two of them to survive. Hadn't there been an ant problem in the classroom recently? She just needed to find two of them, so they could kill them and clear the first scenario. She already knew how this scenario was going to end, she'd gone through it dozens of times in her head. This time, things would be different.

Except… there were no insects in the classroom, not a single one.

"Jihye!"

She whirled around and saw Na Bori in front of her, gripping a chair that one of her classmates was now using as a weapon. Right. Most of her classmates would try to escape the classroom, only to find a barrier that prevented them from leaving. They'd pound on the doors and hope for a miracle. Some would return to their seats because the teacher instructed it, the teacher would try and assure everyone that everything would be fine, except it wouldn't be. However, some would panic after reading the clear conditions, and they'd try and kill someone so they could live. In the end though, all of them would die, even Na Bori.

This time, we'll survive together, Bori-yah .

Lee Jihye helped Na Bori, and with their combined strength, they shoved the student back, and set the chair down.

"Stay back!" She warned.

The student's eyes were filled with fear, but slowly, she began to back away. Lee Jihye scanned the classroom again, but there was nothing. The countdown was almost up. What was she supposed to do? She could murder one of her classmates, they'd die anyway. She'd ruthlessly killed other people in the later scenarios without hesitation. But still, the thought made her nauseous, maybe it was because these people were ones that she knew . She'd been friends with some of them.

Warm hands gripped her own, and guided them to wrap around a neck.

"Kill me, Jihye-yah," Na Bori said calmly, as the head of one of her classmates' exploded.

"No," she replied. "No! I won't! I won't do it!" She tried to move her hands, but Na Bori pressed down harder, drawing out a cough.

"Jihye-yah, it'll be alright," she rasped. "You must live."

No. No no nonono no! She was stronger now, she could get through this, she would take her hands off of Na Bori's neck and they'd find a way to live, even as more and more of the bodies around her fell, blood gushing.

"You should be allowed to live too!" She screamed, her eyes burned with tears. "You shouldn't have to be the one to make this sacrifice!"

"Please crybaby, live." Somehow, Na Bori pressed down even harder.

Why couldn't she… Why couldn't she find the strength to overpower her? Why couldn't she save her friend just one time? (Distantly, she knew that if she didn't make the kill, she'd die too).

Then, with the last of her breath, she rasped out those haunting words. "I love you, Jihye-yah."

Her body went limp in her hands.

Lee Jihye jolted awake. She wasn't in Taepung Girls' High School, but was underground in a subway station. It was just another nightmare. That same damned memory replayed over and over again.

But why did it always feel so real? Her hands were in front of her, fingers and wrist bent as if she'd actually been choking someone. And she could see the face of Na Bori, her eyes red as she choked. Her hands trembled, but were unable to move.

She knew that this wasn't real, but it still took at least five minutes until the image of Na Bori disappeared, and the phantom weight on her hands was released.

[The constellation 'Maritime War God' would like to assure you that your friend is safe.]

"Thanks, General-nim," she murmured.

It might not have meant that much, but it eased the urge to run back to Na Bori and make sure that she was alright. But she was safe, she was alive.

Lee Jihye stood up and began to walk around through the tunnels. She wanted to run, but it was late at night and she didn't want to wake up other people who were sleeping. She aimlessly wandered, before she saw a man with a black coat sitting against a wall, tending to his sword.

"You should be sleeping, Lee Jihye," Yoo Joonghyuk said, not looking up at her.

"I know, Master," she replied, before sitting down next to him. She stared at the wall in front of her. "How do you do this every regression?"

In this regression, she hadn't opened up to him that much, but he knew her in the previous ones, so he knew what she was referring to. 

"I kept my distance from the people I cared about," he said. "If I didn't become too close to them, then their deaths wouldn't bother me as much."

Lee Jihye knew that. When he'd first met her, he rescued her, gave her a sword, then told her to join him. He helped her survive, but they didn't spend that much time talking, unless it was about the upcoming scenario. He wasn't completely closed off, he often helped her train her skills. But he'd locked his heart away and pretended that he didn't know her.

But she knew that she couldn't do that. She couldn't just pretend that nothing had happened, and it was even harder to do when she was with Na Bori.

"It's difficult, and it doesn't become easier," he continued. "I was only able to look forward. My only goal was clearing the scenarios, that was all I focused on. I'm sorry that I can't tell you something more useful than that."

His hand rested on her back, gently rubbing circles. The parental gesture felt a little odd, coming from him. While she'd heard from Kim Dokja that he'd had a child in the past (meaning, he knew how to be a parent), Master rarely ever acted this gently except to his sister, Yoo Mia. He might not have much advice for her, but he understood her pain, he tried to help, and it did help, even if only a little bit.

She shifted to lay down. She knew she wouldn't fall back asleep easily, but it was better than getting no rest. Master said nothing, he just wordlessly took off his jacket and draped it over her. Sleep didn't come easy, but she didn't have any more nightmares for the remainder of the night.

•~•~•~•~•~•

With all the knowledge that their group had, the scenarios were cleared rapidly. The dokkaebi weren't prepared, so they had more downtime while they waited for the next scenario to be prepared. Often, Lee Jihye went to check on Na Bori, who had joined together with the rest of her classmates. They'd talked a few times, but since they were always in a group, they weren't able to talk about certain subjects. (She could see that Na Bori really wanted to ask her for answers. But she wasn't ready to give them to her just yet, not when looking at her was still so painful).

Of course, Lee Jihye couldn't hold off on having that conversation forever. She'd been going on one of her runs when a second pair of footsteps joined her. She turned to see who it was, surprised to see that it was Na Bori.

"It's been a while since we were able to run like this, Jihye-yah," she said, voice calm, but Lee Jihye could sense something dangerous in her tone.

"It has," she agreed, not knowing what else to say. 

"You know, you could have told me that you were one of those regressors, right? I would've kept it a secret if you needed me to."

She sounded too calm about it, as if she didn't fully grasp what it meant to regress.

Lee Jihye took a deep breath. She had to tell her now. "I'm not the Lee Jihye that you know. She won't ever be coming back."

As she expected, Na Bori froze mid-step, stumbling. Lee Jihye instinctively moved to catch her, but once she noticed their proximity, she backed away.

"Isn't regression like time travel?" Na Bori asked, not saying anything about Lee Jihye suddenly moving away. "It's obvious that you've gone through the scenarios before, and then something bad must have happened, so you and all those people you were with time traveled back to fix everything."

"That's not how it works."

"Then tell me how it works, Lee Jihye! How am I supposed to understand if you don't explain?"

"This world is just one of thousands- maybe millions or billions. Regression is like time travel, but it's not. I'm not from this worldline, my consciousness has just been transported here. The Lee Jihye you know won't be coming back."

Na Bori looked up at her, serious. "And how long have you been here?"

"A month before the scenarios."

"Were your childhood memories different from mine? In your worldline, were we not best friends? Were we not on the track team together? Did I not ever call you a crybaby?"

"All those things did happen. Bu-"

"Then you're still the same person that I know and love. You've changed, but I'm willing to get to know those parts of you. You're always going to be you." Na Bori was shorter than Lee Jihye, but at that moment, she stood so much taller. 

It was like when Lee Jihye was teased for crying when she was younger, and Na Bori told the others off. She was physically weaker, but she had always been stronger. Lee Jihye couldn't handle it.

"When I'm done saving this world, I'm leaving!" She blurted. "I'll be going back to my worldline and you'll never be able to see me again!"

She was crying again , she'd been doing a lot of that recently. Na Bori looked almost broken from her words, her lips trembling, skin pale, and eyes wide. She took a step closer, and Lee Jihye was too shocked to step back. Na Bori cupped her face and wiped away her tears.

"Tell me, crybaby, did something happen to me in your worldline? You're not good at hiding your emotions, did you think I wouldn't notice that ever since you've come here, you flinch every time you look into my eyes or I call you crybaby? Is that why you refuse to skip class with me? Is that why even now, you're still trying to run away?"

Yes! She wanted to scream. "In my worldline, you died in the first scenario," she whispered. "I killed you. I had to live without you for years, and I don't know what to do with myself now that you're right here in front of me."

"I don't blame you for what you've done," Na Bori said, even though she looked almost horrified. "You saved my life this time."

Of course you don't blame me, you told me to kill you. I saved you here, but I couldn't save you in my world.

"When the scenarios are over, before you leave, I want the two of us to have a full day to ourselves, okay?" Na Bori said. "A good day for you to remember. I'm sure she'd want that for you, a day for you to relax and just live ."

⸢"You must live, "⸥ Na Bori had told her on that day.

Lee Jihye slowly nodded. "She would want that."

Na Bori's hand moved from her face to her hand, and squeezed it gently. For once, Lee Jihye allowed for that little bit of physical contact again, and squeezed back.

•~•~•~•~•~•

While the scenarios were a lot easier compared to the first time, it didn't mean that they weren't difficult. Lives were still lost, and there were several close calls for the members of Kim Dokja's Company. As the difficulty began to ramp up more and more, Lee Jihye began to have nightmares that were slightly different from the ones that she'd normally get.

Each one started off differently. Sometimes she was sitting with Na Bori, before one of the dokkaebi created a sub-scenario that was difficult to clear. Sometimes she was fighting with her family, and an outer god would be summoned. Other times, she'd go to Taepung Girls' High School, and would receive the bad news from one of the people in Na Bori's group.

Each one of those nightmares had one thing in common: Na Bori's death. Lee Jihye had managed to save her from dying in the first scenario, but what if she died a different way? What if Lee Jihye wasn't there to protect her? What if she was, but still wasn't strong enough to save her?

Her hands would tremble not unlike they had when she was the one to kill her friend. On one of those nights, when the imagery was particularly graphic, she got up and sought out Na Bori. Her sponsor told her that Na Bori was safe, and realistically, she knew that, but she needed to see that she was okay. Just to see her once, even if it was just her sleeping figure.

As she entered the building where their group was staying, Lee Jihye enabled Ghost Walk so she wouldn't wake anyone up. It didn't take long to find Na Bori. She stood there and watched the rise and fall of her chest, each breath grounding her to reality. She was alive, she was safe.

After a few minutes, Lee Jihye realized what exactly she'd been doing. She turned to leave, then noticed Na Bori shifting, before sitting up.

"Jihye, is that you?" She whispered.

Lee Jihye paused, embarrassed at getting caught. "Y-yeah."

"Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine," she lied. "I'll leave now."

"Wait. You've come all the way here, let's go outside for a little bit."

Lee Jihye opened her mouth to say no, that it was fine, but Na Bori was already getting up. She took her hand and led her outside so they could sit down.

"Crybaby," Na Bori murmured. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Lee Jihye nodded slowly. To anyone else, she might not have said anything. But Na Bori had already seen her when she was weak, so she knew she could tell her. "I dreamed that you died again."

"Well, I'm right here. So there's no reason to cry."

Lee Jihye looked down. Na Bori was here, but when it was time to go back to her own worldline, she'd no longer be there.

"Do you want to hold my hand or something? Something to ground you?"

What she wanted was to hold her tight, hide away from all the scenarios. But was it right? It was Na Bori, but not her Na Bori. Her intention was to save Na Bori, that was all she had to do. She couldn't let herself get too close. It was too dangerous, she'd lose sight of everything that she'd been living for over four years.

"I can't. I…" she trailed off, not knowing what to say. In so many worldlines, the two of them were never able to get together because of the first scenario. In this one, they finally managed to both survive, except even now, they'd never be able to have a happy ending together.

"You loved her, didn't you?" she asked. "The same way I love you."

Lee Jihye loved her so much, it hurt. "...I still do." Even years after her death, Lee Jihye continued to love her just as fiercely as she did in the past.

"I know that you said that you'll leave eventually, but shouldn't we make the time we have left memorable? If you need me, I'll help, I want to help you." Her hand moved, and rested next to Lee Jihye's- close but not enough to touch.

It was a deliberate movement, one that gave Lee Jihye the choice of whether she would accept the contact or not? It'd help, it'd relieve some of her stress, knowing that Na Bori was here. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to stay just this once…

Before she could back down, Lee Jihye rested her hand on top of Na Bori's. She layed down and closed her eyes, hoping to commit the feel of the warm hand to memory.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Lee Jihye thought that the end of this regression would end more happily. They'd managed to save the world once more, but they were unable to save Kim Dokja- the one who they'd all wanted to save.

His soul had scattered across thousands- countless worldlines, and Lee Jihye had no idea what to do. The days that went by were a blur, she hardly ate or slept. All she could think about was Kim Dokja's frail body, just laying there.

"Jihye-yah."

Since they failed, what was going to happen now?

"Jihye-yah."

Was that all? Was it over?

"Lee Jihye!" Na Bori's panicked voice brought her out of her thoughts.

"Oh, Bori-yah, were you saying something?"

"Jihye please, you need to take care of yourself. You've skipping meals, haven't you?"

"I'm not hungry," Lee Jihye said. 

"I know I don't understand everything about the guy you wanted to save, only that he meant a lot to you. But would he want you to be like this?"

"It's not like I ever wanted him to sacrifice his f*cking life over and over again! I didn't ask for anyone to sacrifice their life for me!" 

Her throat was hoarse from the lack of use, and the screaming didn't help at all. But what was she supposed to do? Not one, but two people decided that they'd sacrifice their lives. Kim Dokja, and Na Bori from her regression. But all Lee Jihye wanted was to live the rest of her life with the people she loved. Why were they the ones who had to make all the sacrifices?

Na Bori didn't say anything, and while she hadn't done anything, she looked a little guilty.

"I know it wasn't you who did what she did. You're her, but you're still different from her. It's just…" Lee Jihye trailed off.

"Stupid," Na Bori muttered. "I'm here to comfort you and you're comforting me. And I think that… nevermind. You're leaving tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah…" In just one day, she'd be leaving and she'd be going back to her own worldline. She'd be going back to a world where she wouldn't be able to see Kim Dokja, but she also wouldn't be able to see Na Bori again.

But maybe it was for the better. This Na Bori had her own life to live, just like Lee Jihye had hers. She'd love to stay with this Na Bori, but how much of it was to stay with her best friend, compared to the idea of having a Na Bori? She was Na Bori, with all the same memories that the one that she knew had, but they weren't the same, no matter how much she wanted to think otherwise. Not for the first time, she reminded herself that the Na Bori she knew was dead.

"Jihye-yah." 

Lee Jihye blinked, and saw that Na Bori had food with her. She recognized that it was her favourite- and it'd been a long time since she'd last been able to have it. Maybe she was a little hungry, though she wasn't sure if she'd be able to eat so much.

She opened her mouth to say something about that, but was surprised when a spoon was put into her mouth.

"Remember when I got sick, and you insisted on feeding me soup even though I refused, and then eventually you just fed me while I was in the middle of arguing?" Na Bori asked with a smile.

"I remember that." Lee Jihye smiled back at her. It was strange, speaking about memories that happened with a different version of the person. It made her feel a little guilty, it felt wrong to be doing this. "The way you gaped at me was hilarious."

Her smile must have seemed a little fake (it wasn't, but it was), because Na Bori didn't say anything after that. The two of them sat in silence, Lee Jihye not in the mood to say much, and Na Bori having recognized it. She just wordlessly continued to feed her, until she could no longer eat anymore.

"Is there anywhere you want to go?" Na Bori asked.

She tried to think of a place, but couldn't think of any. But knowing that this was the last day she could spend with Na Bori, she suggested, "Let's just take a walk."

She nodded, and they went outside and walked around the streets of Seoul. Lee Jihye was still used to the sight of destruction, but in this regression, the damage wasn't so bad. With the huge failure looming, it was vaguely reassuring to see that at least this time, they were able to save thousands and millions of lives.

They passed by a PC Bang, and Na Bori suggested that they go inside. Out of the two of them, it was Lee Jihye who played more video games, though Na Bori could get quite competitive. Lee Jihye won more games, but that was because she had more experience. It felt almost like the days before the scenarios, and she wasn't sure how to feel about that. After that, they walked around some more before going to watch a movie. Lee Jihye already cried easily when it came to movies, but with everything that went on, it was impossible to hold them back.

Na Bori turned to her, a teasing smile on her face, similar to the moment when Lee Jihye had realized her feelings. Lee Jihye had been crying, Na Bori lovingly teased her, and then she had the realization that oh, she truly wished that she could live the rest of her life like this, with her.

But now, it was a dream that was so far out of reach. In one day, she was going to leave the world behind. Even after the movie was over, she couldn't stop crying. Na Bori turned to her, her hand instinctively moving towards her face, before she realized what was going on and instead taking out a tissue.

"The movie wasn't that sad, crybaby. The one we watched right before the scenarios was way more emotional."

It wasn't just the movie that left her so emotional, it was everything else. But there was another thing that bothered her. 

"I'm not… I'm not the Lee Jihye you know," she said. "I'm not her."

"What are you talking about? Jihye-yah is Jihye-yah."

"But I'm not her. You keep treating me as if we're the same person. Stop treating me like her. I'm not a replacement."

It was projection, and her being unable to deal with her own feelings that were causing her to lash out, she knew that. Lee Jihye had to constantly remind herself that the two Na Boris she knew weren't the same, even if it was easy to fall back into their old dynamic. She had to remind herself not to get too attached, because she was going to leave. She had to remind herself that they weren't the same, because doing so would betray the memories of the Na Bori that she knew. And Lee Jihye was frustrated.

There was so much that she wanted to say, but she couldn't figure out what to say. She wanted to scream and shout, letting everything that had been building up for all this time loose. "You're not going to have her back, ever. The two of us… the two of us aren't destined to be with the one we love." Na Bori looked upset at that, and opened her mouth, but Lee Jihye didn't think she was able to take what would be said next.

"Sorry Bori," Lee Jihye said. "It was fun being with you, but I'm not feeling well."

They were still supposed to go eat dinner together, but she lost her appetite. She started to leave, only to feel her arm tugged as she spun around.

"Listen Jihye," Na Bori said, looking up at her. "I understand that looking at me reminds you of her. And maybe you are right, you're not the Lee Jihye who has been with me for sixteen years. You're someone who learned to fight with a sword, and you're brilliant with it. But does that really mean that you're a completely different person? The Lee Jihye I knew always loved swords, whenever we played fighting games, she always gravitated to playing any woman who owned a sword. So is it that surprising that you now own a sword too?

"You've experienced so many things that have changed you, but in the end, you're still Lee Jihye . You're strong and sweet, you hate showing weaknesses but you're a huge crybaby. I haven't known you for sixteen years, but I've known you long enough to know that you're Lee Jihye. And if even that much had changed, I'm wi- I would be willing to get to know you. I know it's worse for you, because you had to kill her, and now see her face and hear her voice from me. But things have gone differently this round compared to the other rounds, right? I'm different. With time, you'd eventually have been able to treat me differently, and accept that I am her, but still get to know the differences.

"Jihye-yah. If we… if we were given the opportunity, if we weren't going to leave each other, would you have given us a chance?"

Lee Jihye blinked. She knew that Na Bori would have something to say, but she didn't expect this much. "I think… I think that I would have liked to."

She'd been coming to terms that saving Na Bori this time wouldn't erase what had happened in the past. But she didn't have to erase it, that memory was something that would never be erased. Instead, she could have created new ones. It was so unfortunate that all those possibilities wouldn't be able to happen in this world.

Lee Jihye looked up at the evening sky, and hoped that in at least one of the other worldlines, there was a Lee Jihye and Na Bori who could have their happy ending.

•~•~•~•~•~•

And then finally, the day had come for her and the others to leave. The Ark was set up for them to board, and many of the people who had joined the Group Regression had already climbed on board. She'd already told Na Bori goodbye, because she didn't think she'd be able to say goodbye at the last moment. But still, she couldn't help but look back and seek her out, to take in the sight of figure one last time.

With a deep breath, she turned and started going towards the Ark again. When she took a step, she heard a cry for her name.

"Jihye, wait!"

Lee Jihye stopped and turned around, and Na Bori nearly crashed into her.

"I'm sorry, this is selfish, but do you really have to go back? Can't you stay?"

She did want to stay, it would have been nice to stay with Na Bori and live out the rest of her life in this worldline. But she had a family that she'd chosen, and she'd already decided that she was going to stay with them. She remembered that a little while ago, Jung Heewon had told her that she was allowed to stay, if she wished, but Lee Jihye knew that there was no point.

"I asked you what you'd do if we were given an opportunity, but this could be it," Na Bori continued, her voice almost frantic. Her bright eyes gleamed with tears. "Or, I could come with you. I don't want to force you to leave your family behind. I could get to know them, and we could all live our lives toge-"

"Bori-yah," Lee Jihye interrupted, placing her hands on her friend's cheeks. "You have your own life to live here. Bori-yah, it'll be alright, okay?"

"Then let me… let me kiss you, I want to be able to know how it feels, even if just once."

It took a second to process the words, and Na Bori looked at her, waiting to see her reaction. With her hands on Na Bori, all she had to do was lean forward for their lips to meet. Lee Jihye had imagined this moment a lot, she'd wished that before Na Bori had died, that she'd mustered the courage to confess. Sometimes in her nightmares, she imagined the feeling of lips on hers, before the body in front of her would end unable to breathe and then fall over.

The kiss was slow and tight and desperate, their arms wrapped around each other and squeezed, both unwilling to let go, so they could let this moment last just a little longer. It was only until Na Bori had gasped for a breath that Lee Jihye backed away, half out of fear that the kiss was just another one of her nightmares. But Na Bori was still standing there, breathing in and out, her lips pink, and Lee Jihye could feel her own lips tingling.

"I love you, Bori-yah," she whispered.

"I love you too, Jihye-yah," came the reply.

"Please live on for me, okay?" She asked, taking Na Bori's hand in between hers.

"Okay. I'll do it for you."

Lee Jihye stared at her for the last time, she stared until she could see the image of her when she closed her eyes. She imagined the feel of her, the sound of her voice, her scent and even her taste, she committed it all to memory.

"Goodbye." Their hands separated, and Lee Jihye once again started walking towards the Ark.

She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, and she already knew that this moment would be added to her nightmares, of having Na Bori and still managing to lose her again.

•~•~•~•~•~•

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