#every time I go to Spotify I can’t do anything else but listen to that album

[jackleopard]

The way I have not been listening to People Watching that much because I’m still so obsessed with Si Abro los Ojos no es Real by Amaia that I cannot physically listen to anything else but her music

[marvelouslizzie]

Why Are You Doing This To Me?

summary: Your ex-boyfriend Bucky Barnes wrote two songs about (for) you and you don’t know what to do.

pairing: Ex!Rockstar!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

warnings: Angst, a past failed relationship, pettiness, jealousy, anger, a lot of emotions, no mention of y/n.

word count: 2.3K

A/N: I have been away for a while because I was busy learning another language aka Dutch. I still am but at least I am done with my big exam. As soon as I was done with it, I found myself writing again.

This is a random idea that just popped into my head while listening to music and taking a walk. Pure angst for some reason. Usually, I go for smutty ideas but bear with me.

>> indicates incoming messages and << indicates outgoing messages in this story.

Thank you @notafunkiller for proofreading and editing this so fast ❤️

All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission.

Keep reading tag starts after the second paragraph of the story.

>> Hey! I know you don’t want to hear anything about Bucky, but I think you should check these out. I think he wrote these songs for you.

Two links from Spotify follow the text you received from one of your best friends, and you stare for a while, trying to decide what to do. You really don’t want to hear his voice. Not because you don’t like his singing or his songs, but you wanted to get back on your feet. It would be impossible if you kept listening to his songs. Besides, hearing his voice has always softened you. And your best friend knows this. She knows a lot about your relationship, how everything went down, and how you two eventually broke up. If she didn't think you should listen to these songs, she wouldn't be sending you these links, right?

You take a deep breath and click on the first link. The song starts to play, and you notice the soft vibe right away. It’s not particularly Bucky’s style. He sounds like he’s in pain but he's singing with such clarity that surprises you.

He talks about how much he regrets the things he didn’t do when he was with you. How he misses you so much every day. How much he wants to call you, but he’s afraid that you won’t pick up the phone or worse, you will talk to him like a stranger. He says he always knew how precious you were, yet he took you for granted.

The lyrics flow flawlessly. It sounds like poetry to your ears. The way he expressed himself so beautifully… You can’t believe he wrote such a heartfelt song about you, and it’s not even his style. He’s a freaking rockstar. He usually writes about sex, rock and roll, and drugs. Not feelings. Then the song finally reaches the chorus and his words make you freeze. 

“You are the love of my love.”

Did he really just say that? Did he just call you the love of his life? You feel this rush of emotions, and it’s hard to distinguish what you are actually feeling. It makes it harder to think, harder to focus on anything else other than the fact that this song is for you. That’s when you notice the name of the song. It’s the Love of My Life.

Suddenly, you start to feel angry. Every other emotion just takes a backseat. You hate him. So fucking much! Why is he always like this? Saying everything a little too late. Was it so hard for him to tell you this when you wanted to find just one reason to stay with him? You begged him to communicate with you maybe a million times. He always said it was not easy for him to put his feelings into words. Good or bad. It didn’t matter. He always struggled with his emotions. You tried your best. You tried to show him that he could trust you, that you would always be there for him, but it didn’t matter in the end. You felt like you were the only one trying to make this relationship work.

That’s when you decided to give up. It felt like he just didn’t care enough. He didn’t put any effort into changing things or making you feel like you weren’t just beating a dead horse.

You hoisted the white flag and moved on with your life. That’s when he decides to put whatever he feels into words. Instead of talking to you, he makes a song about it. Then he puts it out into the world. 

What a fucking asshole!

It takes you a while to realize the song is over as the silence fills the room. As much as you hate how he chose to do this, the silence disturbs you. It might be a little too late, but you still want to hear what he has to say. Your own rules about not listening to any of his songs instantly go out the window.

You open the messaging app and click on the second link. This one sounds a little bit more like his usual style. The name of the song though, instantly catches your attention this time. It’s one of the nicknames he used often for you. 

He starts the song by saying that he knows how selfish he is. That he has no right to feel this way, but he just saw you with someone else and he hated how it made him feel. He talks about how jealous he is. How he can’t help but imagine you in that guy’s arms. Then he realized you might call him baby, just like you used to call him. Then he continues by begging you not to call him baby, how he wants you to save that pet name for him even though he’s not in your life anymore.

There are so many details throughout the song that indicate he’s talking about you, there is no mistaking. He calls you by your nickname, saying how he loves the way you talk passionately about your interests, how compassionate you are, and how much effort you put into maintaining your relationship but he was too stupid and pathetic to appreciate them.

Every word that comes out of his mouth makes you even angrier. How dare he? How dare he write a song like this for you? After everything you have been through, after all the effort you put into your relationship, after every heartbreak… He realizes how much he values you just because he saw you with someone else.

Selfish bastard!

He has no right to put these words out there. He has no right to feel jealous. You are not his anymore. You can call someone else baby if that’s what you want. How dare he try to dictate to you like this? It makes you wanna call someone up and go out on another date and call him baby, just in spite.

The problem is, it’s just your stubborn nature talking. Before this song, you didn’t even think about calling someone else baby. You didn’t feel like it. Subconsciously, you were reserving that pet name for him. And that fucker knew it. He just knew it!

You exhale deeply, trying to calm yourself down. The song is over, but you can still hear him singing in your head. The song is so beautiful. Petty but so fucking beautiful. He sounds like he poured his heart out without caring how vulnerable it makes him look. 

Another deep breath, you try to understand which date he is talking about. You have been on a couple of dates since you two broke up. You were so dedicated to moving on. You didn’t care if it would hurt him. Because he didn’t care about how much he hurt you all those times you tried your hardest to make things work. So you went out with a couple of gentlemen. Some of them were decent, and some of them were downright horrible. Dating is just as tedious as you remembered. A lot of assholes out there who don’t care who they are hurting. You didn’t get hurt, though. You didn't care enough about any of them to give them the power to hurt you.

Then it finally hits you. He’s talking about your date with that motherfucking movie star! That one was big news for a while. You got photographed two, maybe three times together.

You really looked like you were having fun in those photos. Truthfully, you were, he was such a funny guy. He knew how to make fun of himself. You were just so tired of pretentious asses. It was refreshing. That’s why you said yes to a second and a third date. Then he was off to a European country to shoot his next movie. You had a fun and it was more than enough for you. 

You precisely remember that tabloids started to talk about how perfect you two were for each other. God, that must have gotten under his skin. You can’t help but laugh. He’s so predictable. He just couldn’t bear to see you with someone else, but can you blame him?

You remember seeing something similar about him, but in that case, he wasn’t on a date with the girl. They were just working together for some lame-ass project he would normally despise. Maybe he was trying to keep himself busy, who knows? You remember so vividly how she was looking at him like she wanted to eat him up. As if that wasn’t enough, she kept praising him, calling him the best rockstar of the century just to get in his pants. You have no idea if it worked or not, but it was enough to make you feel jealous. So can you blame him for feeling the same?

It just makes you realize you want to listen to those songs again. It’s maybe too little too late but you still want to hear him. You wanted him to talk about his feelings for such a long time and he’s finally doing it. Through a song but still, he’s doing it. It isn’t exactly communicating because communication must be two-sided, right? That’s what was missing in your relationship. You were talking, pleading, trying while he was keeping everything in. You feel like the roles are reversed. Now he’s the one talking, pleading, and trying, and you just don’t know what to do. How the tables have turned.

The second time around, you notice other details you missed the first time. Like peaceful walks you took together whenever you had the time or how you always used fake names when you two traveled together. You can’t help but miss those days. Even though you had problems, being with him always felt so safe and peaceful. You have no idea how he managed to make you feel that way. Maybe that’s why it took you so long to end the relationship. You still miss the way you felt back then. As if you two could overcome anything together, yet you couldn’t. Because you didn’t work together. You were alone, struggling to make him talk.

Then he talks about how he still speaks to your friends, and that makes him miss you even more. That part surprises you because none of your friends mentioned that they were still seeing Bucky. Is that because you didn’t let them ever talk about him? You feared if you let yourself talk or think about him, you would go back to the point zero.

He ends the song saying he doesn't want you to be a distant memory, and this sticks with you. Do you want him to be a distant memory?

The second time you listen, you notice how desperate he sounds. The way he pleads doesn’t anger you anymore. You find something you feel in his words. Your own fears, your own selfishness and oh, how much you miss him. You didn’t let yourself admit that you miss him. You thought acting like he never existed, he was never a part of your life would make everything easier and it did. Just for a while. Lately, it was just a burden. You tried so hard to keep everything inside. Just like he did. You are still trying to do it… to act logically, not emotionally. Does it mean you are making the same mistake he did? Shutting yourself down, not talking about your feelings. Is it the solution or is it a part of the mistake? You can’t tell anymore. You just know that your heart is aching. The sound of his voice makes you want to cry.

God, you hate him so much!

How could he do this to you after all this time?

Is it that easy to get under your skin or was he always there?

You feel like you are about to explode because of all the emotions you are going through. On one hand, Bucky communicating with you is everything you wanted. On the other hand, isn’t it too late? And why did he write not one but two songs about you? Declaring his love to the world…

You repeat that last bit in your head. He’s declaring his love to the world.

He’s no longer afraid to talk about his emotions. He wants you to hear them, millions of other people are just the bonus. He’s not afraid to show how fucking miserable he feels. He just wants you back.

He’s doing his bit in communicating, but unless you don’t do something about it, it won’t matter. It will be another attempt in vain. You aren’t sure if you want to repeat the same pattern. You notice the song is over when your phone chimes. It’s your best friend again.

>> Did you listen?

<< Yeah.

>> How are you feeling?

<< Confused.

<< Are you still talking to him?

>> Yeah we all are.

<< Why didn’t you tell me that?

>> You said you didn’t wanna hear anything about him and we just respected your decision.

Just like you thought. You can’t blame them. Anytime someone mentioned anything remotely related to Bucky, you either changed the subject or found a reason to leave. So you can’t help but wonder…

<< How is he doing?

>> Not great. He misses you.

<< I miss him too.

>> Are you gonna call him?

You look at the message for a long minute. Are you gonna call him? That’s the question. Maybe you should. Maybe you shouldn’t. Both of the options sound equally wrong. You have no idea what to do.

<< I don’t know what to do.

>> Just give him a call. He’s the love of your life.

You have no idea how long you have looked at that text. Maybe for a couple of minutes, maybe for an hour. 

He’s the love of your life.

He’s a bastard, but he really is the love of your life.

And you are the love of his life.

Where do you go from here? You look at your phone once again. You finally know what to do.

[harmonicakai]

This Is Me Trying

Part 3 of the "Anyone Else But You" series

Pairing: Huening Kai x Reader

Summary: Being friends with Huening Kai would be much simpler if he didn’t give you butterflies all the time.

Tropes: enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, fluff, angst, stylist!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: swearing, reader is insecure, mentions of death

A/N: I made a Spotify playlist for this fic if anybody wants to give it a listen hehe <3

“Remember how I used to be so Stuck in one place, so cold? Feeling like my heart just froze Nowhere to go with no one, nobody” —Magic, TXT

When the weekend comes around, you’re worried that you’ve hallucinated the entire situation, but when Kai knocks on your front door, he looks good. Really good.

“I–I like your outfit,” you say, taking note of the details. “It’s different from how you usually dress.”

“Yeonjun helped me pick stuff out. He said you’d like this.” Kai spins, allowing you to take in the full ensemble. He’s ditched his usual skater boy attire for a button down, slacks, and a chocolate brown wool coat that matches the color of his eyes.

“You didn’t have to dress up for me,” you say, shaking your head.

“Of course I did. You’re the coolest looking person I know.” Has he always thought that? “I don’t know how you do it every day, though. We probably spent hours picking out just this one look.”

“Every Sunday, I plan my outfits for the week. Sometimes it takes the whole day if I’m not feeling too creative.”

“That sounds stressful.”

“It is.”

“Why do you do it, then? I mean, you always look good, but does it make you feel good?”

You blink back at him. Nobody has ever asked you anything like this. You have no idea how to respond.

Kai can tell that he’s struck a nerve. “Sorry. I just meant that if it stresses you out, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do it all the time. There’s a lot to like about you besides how you dress.”

“Right. Should we get going?” you ask, fiddling with the hem of your cardigan. Suddenly you feel overdressed.

“Let’s do it,” he smiles.

All you can think about on the walk over to the concert hall is whether or not this is a date. It feels like a date. He’s dressed like it’s one.

He said he wanted to be friends, you remind yourself. Still, when he accidentally drifts close to you and your shoulders brush, you can feel your face heat up.

You sit together on the steps of the concert hall, people watching and pointing out your favorite and least favorite outfits.

“I like her hat,” Kai says, pointing to a toddler walking hand in hand with her mom. She’s wearing a fluffy beanie with bear ears.

“Maybe I can convince the team to let you wear one on stage,” you think out loud. “It would be really cute for a concert.”

“That would be so awesome, Y/N! But I don’t want you to think about work right now. Let’s just have fun today.”

“I’m always thinking about work,” you admit. “I’ve thought about clothes every second of my life for what seems like forever now.”

“You aren’t that old,” he points out.

“I’m one year older than you,” you remind him. He skipped the birthday party that Yeonjun threw for you last winter.

“Okay, I take it back,” he surrenders. “You’re old and should look into retirement soon.”

You know he’s just joking, but you can’t help but think that he’s right. Maybe you shouldn’t focus so much on what everybody is wearing all the time, yourself included. 

“Y/N,” Kai says, snapping you out of your thoughts. You jerk your head up.

“I used to play in an orchestra,” you blurt out, instantly regretting answering a question that was never asked. Still, you have Kai’s full attention, and the point of this is for the two of you to get to know each other. “I, uh, I played the viola, but I wasn’t very good at it.”

“That’s so cool! I play the piano!” You already know that. Everybody does, but you appreciate how he seems to have forgotten that he’s world famous. “We should do a duet sometime! MOA would love it.”

“Uh, I’m not sure MOA would love seeing you with a girl,” you deflect. You’ve seen what dating scandals can do to someone’s career.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he agrees. You watch the cogs inside his head spin before a lightbulb goes off. “Maybe we can set Taehyun up with a fake one on Academy Reincarnation and you can play in the background. ”

“That… actually sounds pretty funny.”

“Ooh, Y/N, thinks I’m funny,” he muses, before turning away to face the busy square. “Seoul! Y/N thinks I’m funny!”

“Shh!” you laugh, cupping your hand over his mouth. You are not mentally prepared to deal with any crazed fangirls tonight. “We have to go inside, now.”

Before you can overthink it, Kai grabs your hand and the two of you rush inside, greeted by marble floors and draped velvets. It’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen.

“Wow,” you sigh, taking the entire lobby in. “You know, I haven’t been here since I was a little girl. My mom would bring me here all the time. She played the piano like you. I always wanted to take after her, but I have trouble forming chords.”

“I can give you lessons, if you want,” he offers. “I have a keyboard in my room back at home.”

“I’d like that,” you smile back. You try not to read too much into being invited into his bedroom.

“Why don’t you and your mom go to concerts anymore?” Kai asks, hoping that it isn’t too personal a question. His anxiety grows exponentially as you take your time responding.

“She passed away when I was nine,” you say calmly. It doesn’t hurt you to tell people anymore. “I wanted to come because today is actually her birthday. My dad is really sensitive about it, though, so it was just going to be me. But I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Oh… Y/N, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom.” He stares at his shoes, guilt written all over his face. “I could’ve made things more special for you.”

“Don’t worry, Kai. It already is special,” you say, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “My mom would probably be happy to see me coming here with someone who loves the piano just as much as she did.” 

His face relaxes again, and he does very little to stop himself from grinning ear to ear.

After you take your seats in the back of the balcony and the lights begin to dim, a strange sense of calm overtakes you. 

Despite being in a crowd of strangers, sitting next to Kai in the dark and listening to the hum of strings as they warm up makes you feel like you’re the only two people in the world.

Midway through the concert, you realize he’s still holding your hand. Maybe he’s like this with all of his friends, considering you’ve seen him and Soobin skipping down the halls hand in hand on multiple occasions. Still, you hope he never lets go.

—————-

Even though it’s technically your job, it’s a rare occasion where you actually get to dress the boys. Today, all hands are on deck for the filming of their upcoming album’s concept trailer.

“I can’t believe they’re making you wear a white sweater,” you sigh, holding up Kai’s outfit for the Dreamer sequence. “Everybody else gets such cute colors.”

“At least I get to stand out,” he grins, always looking on the bright side. He’s already got on his eyepatch, but it’s a little crooked. You walk over to fix it.

“Hold still,” you say, adjusting it into place and smoothing his hair down. “There we go.”

“Was I better this time?” he asks. You look up at him in confusion.

“What?” His face is so close to yours that you can feel his breath.

“I didn’t move this time. That night at the club,” he explains, “Well, you were telling me the story of when we first met. How I flinched and walked away and it hurt your feelings.”

“Oh. Yeah, you were much better this time.”

“I’m glad. I’ll try to be good for you, Y/N. I’m really sorry about before. I feel like I really wasted our time being so… weird. We could’ve been friends much earlier.”

“It’s okay, Kai, really,” you say, stepping back and handing him his sweater. 

“It’s not, Y/N. It was silly of me to be so nervous around you.”

“You were nervous?”

“I guess you don’t remember that part of the conversation either, huh?” he asks, pulling his t-shirt off. You’ve seen the rest of the group shirtless before, but Kai usually goes into the bathroom to change whenever you’re around. 

Your cheeks flush as you stare at his smooth skin and his broad shoulders.

“Uh, Y/N?” he says. While you were checking him out, Kai managed to get himself stuck. “I think my shirt is caught on my necklace. Can you help?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” you say, working gently to untangle the fabric around his neck. You can feel how warm his chest is, reminding you of riding in the taxi on his lap. Eventually, you’re able to get him freed.

“Thank you,” Kai smiles. “I’m really glad you’re here. Everybody else is always rushing me.”

“I might get in trouble if you don’t hurry up, Hyuka.” You’ve never called him by a nickname before. It’s foreign to think about, but somehow rolls naturally off your tongue.

“Fine, okay, I’m ready,” he says, pulling the sweater on. The color actually compliments him really well. “Do you need to add any finishing touches?”

“Hmm, spin around,” you say, twirling your finger. Kai does his signature penguin stance and waddles in a circle, making you giggle. “No, you look cute.”

Your eyes widen as you realize what you’ve just said.

“You think I’m cute,” he smiles, doing a little happy dance. “Ooh, I’m the cutest boy in the world, huh?”

“Hey! I said you look cute,” you assert, crossing your arms in an attempt to play it off. He’s right, but you don’t want him to know that.

“Close enough,” he says, grabbing his crown off of the makeup table. “I should go. I’ll see you later. You’re the best!”

He pulls you into a hug, nearly lifting you off the ground. When you’re back on your feet, he presses a quick kiss to your cheek and leaves the dressing room. Yeonjun does it all the time, but it feels different coming from Kai.

Your hand moves to your cheek, lingering on the spot where his lips touched. Fuck. You might actually be falling for Huening Kai.

—————-

For the past two months, you and Kai have alternated picking out activities to do together. Last week, you taught him how to make banana bread. He almost set your apartment on fire.

Today, he’s invited you to his place to practice playing the piano.

You’re more nervous than you need to be. It’s your first time in his bedroom, but it’s completely innocent.

Except when you’re sitting on the piano bench together, knees and shoulders pressed against each other, and he’s got his hands placed over yours to help guide you, you feel butterflies in your stomach. That’s not how people who are just friends feel.

You’ve come too far to throw it all away over a stupid crush. He’s simply much too out of your league. Still, while he’s busy explaining chord progressions, you’re staring at how long his eyelashes are and how cute he looks when he’s wearing his glasses.

“Are you even listening to me?” Kai asks, pouting. “I thought you wanted to learn, Y/N!”

“I do!” you lie. “I am very interested in what you’re saying right now.”

“What did I even say?” He crosses his arms and furrows his brow in fake anger.

“Um…” you start. You know you’ve been caught. “I’m sorry. I was distracted.”

His face shifts to worry. “Is something wrong?”

“No! Nothing’s wrong. Let’s keep going,” you say, flipping through his binder of sheet music. “Oh, I love this song!”

You had never expected him to have the piano score to Night Changes by One Direction, but you aren’t complaining. In a way, TXT’s dynamic reminds you a lot of the long gone boy group. 

“This song is kind of like us,” he notes. You shoot him a confused look. It’s a love song, after all.

“What do you mean by that?” you ask, your palms now sweaty. 

“I just think it’s kind of crazy how things changed between us.” That’s not really what the song is about, but you’re not going to tell him that. “I’m glad we’re friends now.”

“Oh, yeah, super crazy,” you say, exhaling. “I’m glad we’re friends too.”

“Y/N?” he asks, his face close to yours. Is he about to do what you think he is?

“Yes?”

“You have an eyelash on your face.” He brushes a finger across your cheek and holds up the lost lash with a smile. “Make a wish.”

You blow it away, vowing to never let him know that what you asked for was him. 

“I have to tell you something,” you confess. “I don’t actually want to learn how to play the piano. I’d rather just listen to you play.”

“Oh,” he says, pleasantly surprised. “I can do that. Should I serenade you, too, m’lady?”

“Yes, please,” you giggle. His goofy side is such a nice departure from the gloomy, quiet Kai you were used to.

You’ve heard this song probably hundreds of times, but Kai’s version feels brand new. As you watch his fingers dance across the keys and listen to his soft voice, the lyrics begin to seem like they were written just for the two of you.

—————-

Taglist: @orangesodafoam @deezbutz28 @ur-mother-realnotclickbait @iyeeeverydee @internet-folks @darlingz99 @foxyjun @stardustmooncakes @giaalorine @beomgyubabybear @niningtori @goquokka @csbenthusiast @moarmyjkhk @lizdevorak @sooberryworld @lonelybutterflytae @midnight-mochii @theresawtf @nowadays56 @jjklvr9

P.S.: Please shoot me an ask or a reply if you’d like to be added to (or removed from) the taglist!

[hwaslayer]

project: make you love me (jyh) | intro.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 1.9k

—chapter warning: cussing/mature language, very basic intro/kick off to the series, mentions of smut/protected sex but not too detailed, chaeryeong (itzy), soobin (txt) and seungmin (skz) are included as non-idols and as oc’s bestfriends/roommates, a glimpse into yunho and his personality!

—a/n: hi everyone! kicking off my yunho series - i hope you enjoy! i will try to update every other weekend, but i’ll always try to let everyone know if there are any delays. thank you for the support! 💞

It's one of many nights where you're tangled in Seonghwa's arms, listening to the way he whispers sweet nothings in your ear as he continues to ease himself into you— in and out, hitting your spot just the way you like it before he picks up his pace. He looks down at you just as he's about to reach his peak, and if you weren't mistaken, you might've caught a glimpse of adoration before he leaned down to let out a groan against your neck; lips grazing at the surface, nipping at skin in between his pants and whines.

Wishful thinking.

Most of these moments don't last, then you're reminded as to what you really are with Seonghwa— to Seonghwa.

Exhibit A:

Once he's finished spilling his seed into the condom, he takes a few breaths against your neck, sloppily laying another kiss onto your cheek and lips before stepping out of the bed and tossing the condom into his trash. He walks over to where his clothes lay on the floor, gently throwing your clothes onto the end of the bed.

"What time is it?" You ask Seonghwa as you clean yourself up and lay back onto your side. You pull the sheets up as you watch Seonghwa get dressed, tossing his shirt and sweats back on.

"I don't know, like 1am?" He ruffles his hair a bit. "What time are you trying to leave?"

"Are you serious, Hwa? You just said it. It's 1am. It's cold, I'm tired." You yawn a bit but he doesn't really budge.

"So, let's get you home?" He shrugs a bit.

"Why don't you ever ask if I wanna stay the night anymore?"

"Because. We agreed not to do that."

"You agreed on your own. Whatever." You roll your eyes as you get up and get your clothes on, throwing the hood over your head as you walk out of the room and towards his front door. "Since you don't fucking mind driving me home at 1am. Must be that big of a deal to you."

"Please don't do that." He says with a deep sigh, following behind you with his keys jingling in his hands. You continue to lead ahead, crossing your arms as you wait for him to unlock his stupid fucking car.

Ugh.

"Are you going to keep the attitude up?" Seonghwa asks as he pulls out of his spot and starts to drive off to your place. Luckily, it's an exit away on the freeway so it isn't a long drive. And yes, you're going to keep the attitude up. You just need to get the fuck out before it bursts into flames. "Y/N."

"What, Seonghwa? I don't have anything else to say to you."

"Why are you making it a big deal all of a sudden? It's not like anything has changed—"

"Yeah, nothing has over the past months. You're right. Silly of me to expect anything." You slump down in your seat and continue to look out the window.

"Is it because you stayed over once before? Twice, maybe? I mean, that— it was—" He stutters a bit, but you finish his sentence for him.

"A mistake?"

"No." He groans a bit. "I just told you not to get too comfortable with that."

"I heard you the first time. It's fine, I get it." He sighs again.

"I hate when you're like this."

"But you don't care enough to fix it." Silence. "Right."

"It's not like that, baby. Please. Can we not tonight? I just have to get up super early to meet with my group for our presentation. That's all."

"Mhm." You continue to look out the window. You cross your arms tightly against your chest, avoiding contact with Seonghwa even when he gently gives your thigh a squeeze.

"Baby." He whines a bit. "I'll make it up to you, okay? We'll do this next time. You know I always want you over, that's no question." He lies, just to make you happy. Just to give you what you want to hear.

"Yup. Heard that before." Your response has a sting to it, a little bit of attitude, and Seonghwa hates it. He really hates it when you're like this— mainly because you'll hold this grudge forever and you'll probably avoid coming over for the next couple of days.

But, can you help it?

No.

For you, it's just another one of those nights with Seonghwa. A night where he says sweet shit just so you can be tangled all up in him and nothing else. Another one of those nights where your feelings are tossed out the window and you feel so dumb for having felt hurt in the first place. Because, why? It's been months of this and ain't shit changed with Seonghwa.

You should've known your place from the get go. So, why the hell is it even harder to understand now?

Meanwhile for Yunho, it's just another one of those nights where he can't find sleep and he wishes he could. A night where he's tossing and turning and his main problem is figuring out why the hell he can't sleep tonight when the other night, he was out like a light.

Did he have too much caffeine today?

Maybe he should've stayed longer at the gym.

He probably could've gone farther in God of War: Ragnarok.

As he takes a walk in the cold, crisp 1am weather, he kicks at the leaves beneath his Nike slippers while thinking about his life decisions today. Just as he's about to head straight down the path, he notices a car pull up in front of the building on the other side of the lot. He slows his pace, brows furrowing at who could possibly be getting dropped off this late on a school night.

Then, he catches familiar faces. The car.

Makes sense.

Park Seonghwa's cocky ass sits in the driver's seat while you step out and slam his passenger door shut. He calls for you and says something shortly afterwards, but Yunho can't really hear it from where he's standing. He just sees you flash him the finger as you continue heading up the steps to your apartment.

Then, Seonghwa drives off. Before you can even make it safely into your apartment. What a guy.

"Dick." Yunho mutters to himself as he watches you slip through your door and shut it close. He doesn't understand this whole thing— you, Seonghwa. He only "knows" about it because you two have been the hot topic on campus. But, he just doesn't get it. He's not much to butt into anyone's business, and quite frankly, he doesn't care. He'll mind his own.

But if he could ask you one question, it'd be: Why?

You are way too good for Park Seonghwa.

He continues on with his walk until the air gets too crisp, his nose and ears feel a little numb. He takes one last look in the direction of your apartment to make sure you've completely made it in before he starts to walk back to his own and get some rest. The cold is actually helping, and he feels himself feel a little bit more exhausted than earlier.

Maybe, he will find sleep.

Hopefully you will, too.

But of course, you don't. Not right away at least. You step into your apartment to see your roommates awake, which is partially a surprise.

"You're still awake?" You look at Chaeryeong, your freshman-roommate-turned-bestfriend. You and Chaery had clicked so quickly that you had become inseparable, stuck at the hip since your freshman year. The two boys who currently stand in your kitchen whipping up spam and ramen at this ungodly hour lived across from you and Chaeryeong in the freshman dorm. They were constantly over, doing homework in your dorm room and stealing snacks from your stash— though a pain the ass, you don't think you could've survived these years without them either.

"Ramen?" Soobin turns to look at you followed by—

"Spam?" Seungmin chimes in.

"They were being loud, I had to make sure they weren't destroying the apartment." Chaery yawns.

"No, thanks." You look at the boys before you sit next to Chaery and start brushing the strands away from her face. "Good thinking, though."

"Nice to know you two think that way when we'd be the first ones you'd call if something ever happened in here." Chaery sticks her tongue out at Seungmin.

"Wait, why are you home?" She turns back to you with fire sitting in her eyes. "Seonghwa didn't want you to stay?"

"Let's not talk about it."

"No, let's." Chaery says sternly. "What a fucking dick. He'd really make the trip over this late at night instead of letting you stay? What's his deal? It's been months."

"Can't rely on that fact, Chaery."

"If he's not going to be serious about you, leave his ass. I'm so sick of the way he—" Soobin sees your face drop, the sadness and anger slowly painting over your expression. So, he subtly shakes his head at Chaeryeong and cuts in.

"Mm, you should just get some rest Y/N." You sigh and nod.

"Yeah." You look at Chaery. "We can talk more about it tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry, babe. I didn't mean to make you more upset. I just can't stand him." You chuckle and playfully kiss her on the top of her head.

"I know. I love you, regardless." She pouts.

"I'll be in there soon." You nod as you yawn and get ready for bed. You drop your bags near your bed before grabbing your pajamas to change into. You quickly freshen up, giving your skin and body a little more love after the night you've had with Seonghwa. You weren't gonna lie, Seonghwa always knew what he was doing; he knew just how to tease you, please you— give you exactly what you need to keep you wanting more.

And that's where it gets sick, twisted. Because it's a fun little game to him.

To you, it's more.

When it shouldn't be.

Luckily for Yunho, sleep finds him.

But for you, it doesn't.

Even when Chaery comes in and shuts the lamp on her side of the room, leaving you two in complete darkness. Even when no new texts come in, when the clock strikes 3am— it doesn't come.

And it probably won't, even when you need to get up and get your day started.

"Shit." You yawn as you walk alongside your roommates to the café.

"Did you even get any sleep?" Chaery holds onto your arm as you walk into the café to grab some coffee before your first class.

"Maybe like.. 5 minutes?"

"Babe, are you serious?"

"I just couldn't sleep."

"Still. That's not good for you, Seonghwa or not."

"Hey, put in your orders. I got it." Seungmin says, stepping aside. Chaery lowers her voice as you step closer to the cashier and order your usual, along with hers.

"Thanks, Seungmo." Chaery changes the topic and pinches his cheek, making him groan in response. You yawn again, lazily making your way to the straws and napkins. You grab a handful for your roommates [and to save for later at home], tugging away at the napkins before you feel like you've gotten enough. Just as you quickly turn, you almost run into another body. But, you're able to catch yourself before actually causing a collision.

"Oops, sorry!" You quickly acknowledge the stranger.

"It's alright." You hear a deep voice respond just as you brush past. You don't give the person another look while running off to your roommates and helping them with the drinks— even though Yunho keeps his gaze on you from afar. He tugs on his bag strap before letting out a small breath, admiring the way the morning sun bounces off of your skin. He watches as your bestfriend worriedly looks at you and pulls you close. Yunho can tell that she's talking about Seonghwa [or lecturing you in some way], because your facial expression drops. Your eyes are painted with sadness. Your body language yells tired, stressed; pleading to be loved and comforted.

He doesn't get the whole thing with Seonghwa. But, he won't try to understand it.

He just wishes he could tell you that you deserve way better than that jackass.

You are worth more than that.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine​ @soupbinlily​ @tyongff-ff​ @jiminiscricket​ @g1g1l​ @staytinyinmybpack​ @woomyteez @gfksz​ @bitchwhytho​ @savluvsmingi​ @persphonesorchid​ [bold = couldn’t tag!]

[casuallyimagining]

When September Ends // part one.

Min Yoongi x female reader

Summary: Six years after leaving your home planet, you’re forced to confront your past… and the one you left behind.  Word Count: 4,128 Genre: Star Wars au, friends to enemies to lovers, angst Warnings: minor character death, survivor's guilt, yoongi has anger issues, mentions of the death of an entire planet, anxiety, alcohol, reader character suffers from the burden of high expectations, mentions of torture (nothing  explicit), mentions of needles, hospitalization, brief descriptions of scarring, brief descriptions of panic, hospitalization, an assassination attempt, a gun fight, murder

Notes: Thanks to @daechwitatamic and @the-boy-meets-evil for listening to me complain about this fic, helping me plan, and beta-ing for me; to @oddinary4bts for the late-game encouragement and edits.

Playlist: All of the poetry in this fic has been pulled from various songs and poems. You can find all the songs (and some others) in the playlist that I made for this fic on Spotify.

previous | masterlist | next

Fuck this planet, Yoongi thinks as he stalks his way through the corridors. It’s freezing. It’s always fucking freezing. Granted, it’s an ice planet, but he preferred the last base on the tropical forest moon, thank you very much. Sure, it had been so humid that his hair curled at the ends most days, but at least there, he could feel his toes.

Two junior pilots jump out of the way as he rounds the corner. He doesn’t blame them. He’s probably wearing quite the scowl, and the heavy steps of his boots against the steel flooring leave an angry echo reverberating through the mostly empty halls. For a moment, he considers apologizing–the junior pilots haven’t done anything, and he knows he should at least try to fit himself back in here. But then he’s standing in front of the door to his destination, and the apology dies before it even has the chance to form.

The doors hiss open mechanically, and the council room is already full. Yoongi picks his way through the crowd, eyes on the only empty seat in the room. Someone greets him, and he offers a quick nod in recognition but says nothing else. Suddenly, inexplicably, he’s nervous. This meeting was supposed to be with some of the higher ups–Yoongi expected some majors, a few captains, maybe a colonel. But some of the council is here, and he recognizes at least one general by the five pips on the man’s breastplate. 

Someone clears their throat just as Yoongi sits down, and it only takes a moment for the room to fall eerily quiet. He can feel every pair of eyes focusing on him, and Yoongi would love nothing more than to pull the hood of his puffy coat up over his head and hide away. He’s never been one for attention, but he does his best to appear nonchalant, like he doesn’t want the frozen ground to open up and swallow him whole. (He might not mind if it did.)

“Thank you for coming, Captain Min,” one of the commanders says.

Didn’t really have a choice, Yoongi thinks. But it’s not like I had anything better to do.

“We’ve received your official request to return to duty,” the commander–Commander Vela, Yoongi notes, though he’s only seen the man a small handful of times. “All six of them. Given the circumstances, we wanted to give you the opportunity to discuss this in person.”

What is there to discuss? Yoongi wants back in. He’s bored, itching to get back out in the field. He’s exhausted, he’s not sleeping, but that’s nothing a little adrenaline can’t fix. If he stays here, sitting around, doing nothing, he’s going to go fucking insane. And truthfully, not doing anything feels like he’s letting the Empire win, like Kitt and Feeney and Jieun’s deaths meant nothing. 

And he won’t let that happen.

But instead of saying all that, he says simply, “You need spies. I’m a spy. I don’t see where the issue is.”

Commander Vela hums, his attention falling to the data pad sitting on the table in front of him. “You’ve been through a lot, captain. Most men would, understandably, need to take time off to-”

“I don’t want time off.” Yoongi can tell his interruption isn’t taken well based on the grumbles that ripple through the room. But he can’t help it. If they would just listen to him, he could convince them that he was fine. Or, at least, that he would be fine if he could just get his life back to normal. “I’ve had time off. I want to get back out there. You need me back out there.”

It sounds cockier than he’d intended, but the sentiment is true. They’d just lost three of their best intelligence operatives. Yoongi knows they can’t afford to lose another. 

“How can we guarantee you’ll perform to standard?” A Mon Calamari major pipes up from the corner, his gravelly, grumbly voice cutting through the rabble that Yoongi’s words have caused. “How do you know you’re ready?”

The question catches Yoongi off-guard. “I just do,” he answers, and though it feels like a feeble, desperate answer, his voice comes out cool and confident.

More of the committee speaks up. Yoongi can feel his blood pressure rise as the questions come, both more probing and more asinine. How is he feeling? How is he processing? Is he still up to date on his marksmanship training (even though his marksmanship training was basically just here’s a blaster, go shoot stuff)?

He’s fine. He’s processing well. Why don’t you give him a blaster and stand at twenty paces, and you can check yourself if his training is up-to-date?

Yoongi feels like he’s being interrogated. Do they treat their Imperial prisoners like this? He can feel the heat on his skin, can feel the thrumming in his veins. He takes a deep breath to calm himself, forces himself to unclench his jaw. He can’t let them see how much the questioning has affected him, even if the effect is just to piss him off. If they think he’s anything less than perfectly collected, they’ll never let him back in the field.

A dark-skinned commander is halfway through a long-winded question about security protocols, and safety, and something else that Yoongi has lost track of when a voice rings out above the din of the room.

“This is ridiculous,” it says, and it takes Yoongi a moment to find the speaker.

His heart rate picks up, and he can feel his palms get clammy as he zeroes in on her. There, three seats to the left of Commander Vela. He’d know that voice anywhere. And when her eyes lock with his, the room stops, the rest of higher command doesn’t matter.

It’s you.

“Clearly he wants to come back,” you say, leaning forward out of the shadows. You observe him casually, almost bored. “We’re clearly in need, otherwise we wouldn’t be entertaining the idea. Just let him come back. Assign an in-field eval.”

Commander Vela hums, twirling the end of his mustache in his forefingers. From the corner, the Mon Calamari major grumbles his agreement. Some other members of the committee voice their displeasure with what you’ve said, but Yoongi watches as you simply turn your head to look at Vela, a small, seemingly innocuous smile on your lips. But Yoongi knows what it means. He’s seen it hundreds of times.

Gotcha.

The Commander clears his throat and nods in your direction. “An interesting compromise, major,” he says, and Yoongi doesn’t miss the hint of pride in the officer’s voice. “Very well. Captain Min will accompany you on your upcoming mission. With the two of you together, we should expect first-rate results.”

The world freezes. Yoongi’s heart stops. And then just as suddenly, it starts again, the thrumming going into overdrive. He is dismissed in slow-motion, and his body moves without his brain’s acknowledgement. Suddenly, he’s standing, and in a small handful of steps, he’s outside of the council room.

It’s much quieter out here. The hum of the electricity running through the walls, the howl of the freezing wind outside, the far-off cacophony of the rebellion’s finest doing what they can to stay prepared for a moment-notice fight. It all comes together, washes over Yoongi. It’s chaotic, but it’s also strangely comforting. The cold seeping through the walls, though still bitter and absolutely intolerable, cools his temperature and his temper easily.

Yoongi takes a deep, slow breath through his nose. A mission. With you. Upon which his future hangs precariously on the condition of success. Truthfully, he’s not sure how to feel. He’s excited. He’s nervous. He’s hopeful. But somewhere within him, there’s something bubbling, something angry, something that he doesn’t want to confront right now. So he pushes it down and vows to himself. 

He will be back in the field. This mission will go well. 

It has to.

The mess hall is crowded and loud, and Yoongi hates crowded and loud. But he manages to find a table in a corner, blocked by a wall, that isn’t quite so noisy. It’s been months, but people still avoid him. And he gets it. People don’t know how to talk to him anymore, and it’s not like he’s ever been the easiest guy in the world to converse with. He’s always found small talk difficult, always preferred to listen rather than speak. All of the friends he’s ever made have been more a reflection of their stubbornness rather than a result of his ability and desire to be outgoing. So despite the fact that the mess is practically full, Yoongi’s table in the corner remains single occupancy. 

That is, until you appear in front of him.

You stand there, holding a tray in one hand and a cup of caf in the other, your datapad tucked between your elbow and your body. “Mind if I sit?” you ask. It’s soft. He can barely hear it over the din of the room. 

For a moment, he stares at you, expression flat. You offer him a small smile. It’s a lifeline, he realizes, a peace offering. But something roils inside of him, something angry, and he’s not sure why. Maybe it’s the slight air of apology he can see in your eyes. You have a look that says you’d like nothing more than to talk. Something in Yoongi wants that, too. But a larger part is six years deep into thinking his best friend is dead. And that part is pissed.

“I thought we could go over mission details,” you tell him, awkwardly shuffling so he can better see your datapad. As if keeping things strictly business might help bridge the gap. “I don’t know how you’re used to doing things–if you’d come find me or if-”

“I haven’t been able to find you for six years. I stopped trying a long time ago.” It comes out venomous, almost like an accusation.

He watches as your smile falters, can see in your eyes the exact moment it transitions from genuine to practiced. You cough, and nod once, very quickly.

“Okay. Just meet me in the hangar tomorrow at oh-nine-hundred.”

Yoongi watches in silence as you turn on your heel. He follows you with his eyes, watching as you power-walk to the mess exit, dumping your tray and your caf in a trashcan on the way out. The angry part of him quiets, and suddenly, he’s no longer hungry.

The klaxon is shrill in the once-calm cockpit. Outside the windshield, TIE fighters shriek past, their guns targeting the small transport ship. In the belly of the vessel, Yoongi can hear banging and shouting. For a moment, he considers going to help Feeney and Jieun prepare the escape pods. But then Kitt swears from the cockpit, and another alarm sounds, and Yoongi is rooted to the spot.

He watches the displays, unable to look away as the shields deplete steadily. Those Imperial fucks can’t hit the broad side of a star destroyer, and yet today, of all days, they’ve managed to nearly deplete the ship’s shields.

“This is Tatooine one-two-five-niner-oh-five requesting immediate ceasefire,” Kitt says into the ship’s comms. Yoongi can hear the desperation in her voice. “Please. We’re just a haulcraft.”

The comms crackles, but no reply comes. Kitt swears again. Kitt never swears unless things are really bad. The displays start to beep urgently, and Yoongi’s eyes are drawn to a flashing indicator on the wall to his left. Ten percent shields left.

Things are really bad.

“I can man one of the guns,” Yoongi offers, following Kitt out of the cockpit and down the ladder into the belly of the craft. He skips the last few rungs, jumping off when he’s still a foot from the ground. “Buy us some time.”

“No.” Kitt pats his shoulder and offers him a small smile. The scar on her upper lip pulls taught, and her smile looks almost broken in half. In her eyes, there’s a small fire. She’s determined to see this through. 

The look scares Yoongi.

“You go. Get in a pod.” She pushes Yoongi in the direction of one of the escape pods that Jieun and Feeney have readied. Kitt turns to Feeney and presses a small metal rectangle into his chest. “Take this,” she tells him. “Get out of here. We’ll be right behind you.”

For a moment, Feeney looks like he wants to protest. But then he shuts his mouth and nods. The ship can only launch two pods at a time. “Come on,” he says, clapping Yoongi on the shoulder. “You heard her.”

Yoongi doesn’t know what happens next. He can’t remember getting into the escape pod, doesn’t know how he managed to hit the ready to launch button on the internal console. He’s really not even sure if he turned on the encoded tracker. 

All he remembers is the pounding of his heart in his ears and the feeling of weightlessness as the pod decouples from the ship and the zero gravity of space takes hold. He remembers his pod floating away from the main ship, remembers watching in horror as a third pod attempts to deploy and the grappling arm sticking without letting go. He remembers seeing movement in the cockpit of the haulcraft, a blinding light, his pod rocking through space with the force of an explosion.

Yoongi jolts, and for a moment, he’s disoriented. Everything is spinning. He can still see the debris field, but slowly, it morphs into his quarters in the base on Hoth. It’s the chill that brings him back. The cold air on his exposed skin forces his mind back to now. He’s not even laying down–his back is against the metal wall, he’d fallen asleep with one leg tucked up against his chest. His pillow is at the other end of the cot entirely. 

Yoongi sighs, his heart still hammering in his chest. His head falls backwards against the cool of the metal, and he forces himself to breathe deeply.

That was months ago, he tells himself. Pull yourself together, idiot.

It feels like an eternity later, but eventually, his heartbeat slows, his breathing evens out, the adrenaline leaves his system. He’s exhausted–this is the fourth time this week the dream has plagued his sleep–but he doesn’t dare lie down. Instead, he gropes around his cot until his hand brushes against the screen of his datapad. He turns it on, and the cool blue of the letters on screen strain his eyes.

My friends, my friends forgive me That I live and you are gone There's a grief that can't be spoken There's a pain goes on and on

He’d been working on a poem when he’d fallen asleep. It was a habit he’d picked up from Kitt. Poetry and music, she’d told him once, were things the Empire could never take from you. They have their roots in your soul and bloom in your mind. As long as there are people, there will be poetry and music.

It’s only half true, Yoongi thinks bitterly, picking up his stylus and tapping into the document to edit it. He has poetry, but he’s lost the people he cared about most.

“If we do not leave in 20 minutes, our chances of success go down to-”

“Please stop talking,” you tell the droid, TK-53. You’re sitting on a crate just outside of your ship, waiting for Yoongi. 

Tee’s right, though. Yoongi’s over half an hour late, and if you’re not gone in 20 minutes, you won’t make it to Bespin in time. There’s a small window that you have to hit, just a short span of time where the Tibanna refineries’ contracts are up before they restart. You have to be there in that window, otherwise, you may as well give up. Major Kim would be stuck on the planet for another year.

Though, you suppose even if Yoongi turned up in the next ten seconds, you aren’t sure how successful the mission will be.

“Tee, check the med bay. Perhaps he fell ill.” 

The droid hums, and you can hear the whirring of her joints as she moves over to a panel in the wall. But before Tee can even access the panel, there’s a cough behind you. When you turn, Yoongi is standing there, a rucksack slung over his shoulder. It’s a small comfort that he looks like shit. His hair is a mess, and he looks exhausted. But when he wordlessly pushes his bag into Tee’s arms, you can feel yourself get angry.

“You’re late,” you say flatly, grabbing the bag from your droid.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Right.” You roll your eyes and motion for him to walk up the ramp into the ship. You shove his bag back to him as he passes you. Tee clanks in after him–a solid foot and a half taller, she has to duck to make it in the ship without bumping her head. 

As soon as you’re inside, the ramp starts to ascend into the hull of the ship. It’s small inside. The cockpit is the biggest part of the ship, but there’s a small cabin with hideaway beds and a galley. For a moment, it’s quiet. 

“Do you usually not care about your missions, or should I consider myself lucky?”

“What?” Yoongi’s brow furrows. He’s made himself comfortable in one of the jump seats in the cockpit.

“Can you at least pretend to give a shit about this mission?” You plop into the co-pilot’s chair. Tee has already started going through the pre-flight procedures. “I mean, honestly Yoongi. Did you act like this for your last commander? Because I wouldn’t-”

“Don’t talk about her.” His voice is deep, angry, and for the briefest of moments, you can see the hurt in his eyes. “Get pissed at me all you want, but keep her name out of your fucking mouth.”

Quickly, you pivot. “We had things to do this morning, Yoongi. Preparations. We needed to get papers made. Now we don’t have those. I didn’t tell you a specific time because I thought it would be fun.”

You barely register Tee speaking into the comms, asking for clearance to launch.

“I said I’m sorry, okay? You think I wanted to be late?”

“I don’t know!” You admit, exasperated. You turn in your seat and press the last few buttons in the launch sequence, and the ship rumbles to life under you. A slight jolt, and it’s up in the air. “I don’t know what you want anymore,” you mumble.

Behind you, Yoongi grumbles something, but you don’t pay attention to it. Your focus is on the console in front of you and getting the ship into hyperspace. It takes a few minutes of tense silence for you to get out of Hoth’s atmosphere and into the hyperspace lane. But as soon as the ship leans into the speed and the stars are speeding past the cockpit windows in a cluster of bright lines, you let yourself change focus.

You turn in your seat only to see that the jump seat is empty–Yoongi is gone. You can see him in the cabin, leaning against one of the bunks. Taking a deep breath, you let it out in a heavy sigh. 

It’s hard seeing him like this. The Yoongi you remember was quiet, but kind and gentle. So gentle that you’d had to stand up to bullies for him when you were children. There was a time when you’d tell each other everything. There had been plenty of nights when you’d sat on the roof of your building side by side, staring at the stars and dreaming of something better.

But a lot has happened in six years. You don’t blame him for the animosity, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Once again, you sigh. But then you force yourself to stand and step into the cabin. It’s quiet for a while. Yoongi doesn’t look at you as you make your way over to the galley and slide into one of the benches. Eventually, you get sick of the silence, sick of only hearing the hum of the hyperdrive all around you.

“I think we got off on the wrong foot,” you say quietly. “Why don’t we get the mission talk out of the way, hm? Start with that.” Then, maybe, you can get him calmer, less hostile.

He’s quiet, and you risk a glance over at him. His eyes are on the metal flooring as he chews on the inside of his cheek–a habit he’s had since he was a kid. But after a second, he pushes himself off the wall and stiffly moves to the seat across from you. Good. Progress. Progress is good.

You push your datapad across the small table so he can see the information. “We’re going to Bespin,” you explain. “To the Tibanna refineries in Cloud City. Major Kim Namjoon has been undercover there for almost a year.”

It doesn’t take long to describe the scope of the mission. Get in, get out, simple extraction. No combat anticipated, mostly just the two of you talking your way into getting Major Kim off-planet. On paper, it’s easy. In practice, you’re sure it’ll be more difficult. But there’s no way to know how things are going to go until you’re in the moment.

It doesn’t take long to explain. Yoongi has a few questions, and you’re happy to answer him. They’re simple, informative, and you get the sense that he’s testing the waters a bit. It’s a little tense, but it’s the most comfortable conversation you’ve had with him so far. 

When you’re done, he continues to look at your datapad, dark eyes scanning the mission log. He doesn’t look up when he speaks. “Where’d you go?”

You frown. You should have expected it, but the question still catches you off-guard. You know what he’s asking, know what he’s looking for, but fuck, you wish you didn’t. 

“Here and there for a few weeks,” you finally answer, playing with your fingers. “And then finally here, to the rebellion.”

He nods, and for a moment, you think he’s satisfied. But then, “Why’d you leave?”

“You know why.”

“Humor me.”

You sigh. You could walk away right now, not answer him and go back to the cockpit. You could hide behind duty and professionalism and rank. But something about you hates that idea. Yoongi was your best friend from ages six through 22. He deserves more than to be iced out. But god, did you really want to get into that blackhole now?

Finally, you settle on, “I was smothering on Fest. I had to get out.”

“You didn’t tell me.” He looks up, then, and even though his deep brown eyes don’t meet yours, you can see the hurt in them. Six years of it. And it crushes you. “You were my best friend. And you didn’t tell me you were leaving.”

“I did the best I could.” Your voice comes out shakier than you intend it to.

Yoongi stands. “You know,” he turns and makes his way over to the bunk he’s claimed, tossing his rucksack onto the floor, “there was a time I’d believe that.” He climbs into the bunk and rolls so that his back is facing you.

And with that, any hope of rekindling your friendship dies in your heart. Of course, it bothers you. So, despite everything in your soul screaming at you not to, you push.

“Why are you being such an asshole?”

“What?” His head turns so he can see you over his shoulder.

“You heard me. You’ve been nothing but an impossible, immature, impetuous asshole since you walked into your hearing. I-”

“Ever think that maybe it’s you?”

It’s a punch to the gut you weren’t expecting. You can feel the wind leave your sails. “What?”

“You’re the problem. I just want to get this mission done and get back in the field. That’s it. Just leave me alone, you don’t need to be annoying.”

You nod, despite the fact that you know he can’t see you. It’s the mess hall on Hoth all over again. Yoongi has always known how to disarm you. You used to think it was a good skill. As teenagers, you’d been able to calm each other’s tempers, keep each other grounded. But now, you aren’t sure that it’s such a good thing.

Your heart is heavy when you slip back into the co-pilot’s seat.

“We should arrive in Bespin airspace on schedule,” Tee reports, turning to you. “I’m detecting an abnormal heart rate, and your breathing is shallow. Should I begin protocol 04-”

“I’m fine, Tee.”

previous | masterlist | next

okay, so like.... how do we feel about the first chapter? I'm so curious to know your thoughts! my ask box is open--feel free to shoot me a message and let me know how we're feeling.

Yoongi's poetry this part is from "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from the musical Les Miserables.

[yourfavvvintj]

pathetic sapphic poetry :)

your skin is porcelain covered in white paint

i can’t tell how deep the cracks go

and if i’m the only one who sees them but you.

your hair is pretty, so pretty that when the wind touches it

it falls like the waves of a golden sea.

it’s flawed in a way that only further intrigues me.

your eyes are like melting ice, like the promise of spring

it’s my favourite season for a reason.

a slither of hope in times darker than a lake

when i look into your eyes it’s almost as if it’s frozen over

you have to look closely to spot the hair thin cracks

in the mask that for so long has been your disguise.

is it true what they say, that the eyes are windows to the soul?

you’re pale, Amara June, but still so painfully full of life

the most i’ve felt in a while is the heat in my face when i lay eyes on your eyes

they’re framed by pinkish red at all times, as if you have been crying

or as if someone with painted lips has kissed your eyes

tell me, did they kiss them dry?

no tears ever streak your face, but Amara June, i rarely ever see you smile

i just want to know if there’s someone in your life who can colour within the lines

because heaven knows, Amara June, that i look like a clown and a fool when i try

but if i could i would trace every line in your face until your smile reaches your eyes

i’d bring colour to your lips and face, and you would bring me back to life

you carry your mask with such grace, Amara June

only if you knew what i’d give to know what the weight of it is like for you

no matter if it’s light or heavy, i could carry it forever for you

and if i dropped it, which i never would, i would surrender and leave you

Amara June, have you ever dropped it? are those patched-up cracks i see?

there are veins of gold like artificial light cast upon your face, and they gleam

i bet your tears lit up the sky like aurora borealis the day you were deeply hurt

because you were, I know you were, only the hurt carry their beauty like a curse

you’re a broken soul if i ever saw one, Amara June

the ugly truth i’m finally facing is that i barely know you

all i know is that golden jewellery shouldn’t suit you but it does,

and that your leg tends to bounce in class when you think no one’s watching,

and that food just might be an enemy of yours,

and that no mirror could ever capture the beauty that is you, Amara June,

and that P.E sometimes pulls a rehearsed laugh out of you,

and that school is both a curse and a blessing in your life,

and that black sweaters suit you, but i wish i knew who you’re mourning,

and that i’m someone your eyes tend to land on in crowded corridors,

and that you like tomato soup, tell me, is that a code word? for who?

at this point i don’t even know if i’m overanalysing or decoding you,

and that you own a cat, i forgot its name, all i cared for in that moment was you,

and that you don’t show your face on the internet, tell me, why is that?

and that you listen to rap,

and i know your closest friends, Amara June, at least i think i do

but do they really know you?

all i can know for sure is that you enchanted me, Amara June

from the moment i first noticed to you till the moment i forbid myself to think of you.

this poem is my goodbye to a girl i never truly knew

and I hope to one day be able to let go of the dream version i created based on you

but a start might just be to forget you.

so that’s what i’m going to do.

this is goodbye, Amara June.

believe me when i say that one day i’ll erase you from all of my notebooks,

or perhaps i’ll read it all and smile and not feel a thing.

and one day my spotify will no longer be full of crumbs of you.

one day i’ll even leave space in the margins of my notes in school for something else, anything else but you.

the sea in golden hour will be more than a cheap version of you.

your wardrobe will be renewed, and I won’t even notice

your old one will be rinsed from my memory, Amara June.

you’ll no longer stick to me like cotton candy or the smell of a familiar perfume

my life will go directions i never knew in the era of you.

farewell, amara june.

OMG OMG THIS IS SO GOOD!!! "black sweaters suit you, but i wish i knew who you're mourning"

DECEASED. DEAD AGGGHH JAIMEE <333

YOU GOTTA POST MORE POETRY

[ccawz]

skz as keshi songs

a/n: stray kids vs keshi for my top artist on spotify. but i can’t listen to bandaids without thinking about chan. these are loosely based off the songs, surface-level lyrics.

warnings: word counts differ and are not consistent (85-145) half angst half fluff, realizing you’re (not you) falling out of love (ouch), Chan is not present (alluding to disassociation, not explicitly) alcohol. Before each blurb the category and word count are stated.

ot8! x gn!reader. 1.1k words total. don’t quote me on that

Jisung— hell/heaven (opening line), 85 wc | fluff

“Tell me more.” He adores you. Han Jisung could listen to you talk all day and night about anything and everything and remember every single word you say. “You’re cute when you ramble.”

A break in your sentence makes him laugh, hand falling from holding his head to holding your hand lightly. They’re clammy, but Jisung doesn’t mind.

A timid smile, Jisung melts, and another sparkle gets added to your eyes as you continue, gaze set on his fingers laced with yours across the table.

Seungmin— 2 soon, 141 wc | angst

“I miss you.” The voicemail sounds choppy, and you can hear the bustling sound of a crowd in the background and the loud cheers celebrating their milestone. “These parties aren’t the same without you. I don’t want to be here without you. Where are you?”

Seungmin sounds desperate near the end. You’ve come to the conclusion that he’s drunk, from the way his words slur to the way you know he would never say this with a sober mind.

“What did I do?” He asked. You can hear the tears in his voice. “How could I be stupid enough to lose you?”

The voicemail ends with that, and it has you wondering if the other seven are the same. Seungmin pleading, asking questions only he could answer, and him being drunk.

Your thumb hovers over his contact, and you call him.

Jeongin— It’s you, 104 wc | fluff

The first night you stayed over, Jeongin felt his heart stop when he saw the way his covers were swallowing you whole.

Loving was easy to do when it came to you, he guessed.

His smile grows when he sees you exit his bedroom wrapped up in one of his blankets, loving how cozy you look. “Hi.” The smile is evident in his voice, someone with their back turned would have noticed.

Chan, that someone, turns out of curiosity, biting back a grin when he sees Jeongin make his way toward you with stars in his eyes. He still gets excited to see you.

Chan— bandaids, 132 wc | hurt/comfort, read w caution

Chan couldn’t remember the first time it happened, him sleeping in your room every night. Was it when he was stressed about deadlines? …No, he’d stayed at the studio all day and night. Was it when you invited him over for dinner, and it was too late for him to go home?

Well, anyway.

“You should’ve told me.” Your voice was faint, he would’ve mistaken it for someone walking outside. Chan can’t hear you, feel you, or even see you. His mind is somewhere else, somewhere far, and his world is collapsing in front of him.

“I’m sorry.” You tell him, he can feel it now, the light stroking of your hand down his back. The ghost-like kisses to spot between his shoulder blades. “You don’t have to cry alone. I’m here.”

Minho— us, 96 wc | angst

Minho can feel things changing in front of him, and he can’t do anything about it. The touches don’t linger, the gaze feels colder than before, and the kisses seem half-hearted and filled with nothing but bitterness.

He admits it, that he hasn’t been as warm to you lately, but he never loved you any less. He watches you cook breakfast for the two of you with confused eyes. He sees you sneakily pass Dori a pancake crumb and press your finger against your lips to keep a secret.

But he doesn’t feel warmth like before.

Felix�� summer, 95 wc | fluff

“Summer’s only three months,” Felix says, breath fanning against your lips. “Don't fall in love, yeah?”

The way you look at him makes his head spin. The same could be said about him, how his eyelashes hit his cheeks when he blinks slowly. Your hand reaches to his face, thumbing over the freckles littering his cheeks. You can feel them warm under your touch.

“I think I can manage.” You whisper back. Inching slowly towards him.

Felix stops just before you could kiss him, smiling at the way you frown. “I was talking to myself.”

Hyunjin— beside you, 116 wc | fluff (?)

Hyunjin glares darts into the person whose arm was around you from across the room. A piercing gaze that has bystanders inching away from the scene, clearing a path when he makes his way toward you.

He leans close, whispering right into your ear. “You’re gonna settle for him?” He muses, “When you have me?” He grins when you turn your attention towards him instead and smiles politely at the person you were with before dragging you away.

“You’re so jealous. It's genuinely annoying.”

He hums, wrapping an arm around you. “Don’t be shy, sweetheart,” he pressed a kiss to your temple, drinking in the flustered expression that came from it. “It’s just you and I.”

Changbin— i swear i’ll never leave again, 128 wc | hurt/comfort

He regrets not being grateful for the messages, your daily reminders for him to take care of himself just as much as he did his members. The pack of sticky notes he never remembers packing were filled with sweet words from you.

He goes through them now, even when you're on the other side of the door, waiting for him to finish packing his things. He doesn’t want to leave.

The first thing you see when he opens it are the tears that are building in his eyes and the quiver of his lips when you move to hold him.

So this was love. The aching, the yearning, and the heartbreak. Changbin wanted all of it. He wanted all of you. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

ot8, your choice— drunk, 145 wc | angst

It happens again. Another after-party, another night of watching your friends get drunk, another night of seeing him being happy without you.

You see him across the room, laughing it up with one of his friends, nursing a cup of whatever miscellaneous alcohol they were serving. Maybe it was an espresso martini, he likes his coffee just as much as he did his booze. He thanked the person who created it.

Later that night, you find yourself thinking about him while staring at the ceiling. Had he found someone new? Someone who could give him the same adrenaline you had when you first got together. Was he thinking of you just as much as you were thinking of him?

You turn on your side, cringing at the wet feeling of tears pressing against your cheek. Did he find it hard to move on like you?

a/n: i was actually going to make Felix’s sad instead of Lino but, maybe next time.

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

your skin is porcelain covered in white paint

i can’t tell how deep the cracks go

and if i’m the only one who sees them but you.

your hair is pretty, so pretty that when the wind touches it

it falls like the waves of a golden sea.

it’s flawed in a way that only further intrigues me.

your eyes are like melting ice, like the promise of spring

it’s my favourite season for a reason.

a slither of hope in times darker than a lake

when i look into your eyes it’s almost as if it’s frozen over

you have to look closely to spot the hair thin cracks

in the mask that for so long has been your disguise.

is it true what they say, that the eyes are windows to the soul?

you’re pale, Amara June, but still so painfully full of life

the most i’ve felt in a while is the heat in my face when i lay eyes on your eyes

they’re framed by pinkish red at all times, as if you have been crying

or as if someone with painted lips has kissed your eyes

tell me, did they kiss them dry?

no tears ever streak your face, but Amara June, i rarely ever see you smile

i just want to know if there’s someone in your life who can colour within the lines

because heaven knows, Amara June, that i look like a clown and a fool when i try

but if i could i would trace every line in your face until your smile reaches your eyes

i’d bring colour to your lips and face, and you would bring me back to life

you carry your mask with such grace, Amara June

only if you knew what i’d give to know what the weight of it is like for you

no matter if it’s light or heavy, i could carry it forever for you

and if i dropped it, which i never would, i would surrender and leave you

Amara June, have you ever dropped it? are those patched-up cracks i see?

there are veins of gold like artificial light cast upon your face, and they gleam

i bet your tears lit up the sky like aurora borealis the day you were deeply hurt

because you were, I know you were, only the hurt carry their beauty like a curse

you’re a broken soul if i ever saw one, Amara June

the ugly truth i’m finally facing is that i barely know you

all i know is that golden jewellery shouldn’t suit you but it does,

and that your leg tends to bounce in class when you think no one’s watching,

and that food just might be an enemy of yours,

and that no mirror could ever capture the beauty that is you, Amara June,

and that P.E sometimes pulls a rehearsed laugh out of you,

and that school is both a curse and a blessing in your life,

and that black sweaters suit you, but i wish i knew who you’re mourning,

and that i’m someone your eyes tend to land on in crowded corridors,

and that you like tomato soup, tell me, is that a code word? for who?

at this point i don’t even know if i’m overanalysing or decoding you,

and that you own a cat, i forgot its name, all i cared for in that moment was you,

and that you don’t show your face on the internet, tell me, why is that?

and that you listen to rap,

and i know your closest friends, Amara June, at least i think i do

but do they really know you?

all i can know for sure is that you enchanted me, Amara June

from the moment i first noticed to you till the moment i forbid myself to think of you.

this poem is my goodbye to a girl i never truly knew

and I hope to one day be able to let go of the dream version i created based on you

but a start might just be to forget you.

so that’s what i’m going to do.

this is goodbye, Amara June.

believe me when i say that one day i’ll erase you from all of my notebooks,

or perhaps i’ll read it all and smile and not feel a thing.

and one day my spotify will no longer be full of crumbs of you.

one day i’ll even leave space in the margins of my notes in school for something else, anything else but you.

the sea in golden hour will be more than a cheap version of you.

your wardrobe will be renewed, and I won’t even notice

your old one will be rinsed from my memory, Amara June.

you’ll no longer stick to me like cotton candy or the smell of a familiar perfume

my life will go directions i never knew in the era of you.

farewell, amara june.

[emerystellar]

hii ^_^ i would appreciate if anyone could spare some change cuz i have a lot of expenses right now and i am barely stringing along. more context/sob story under the cut if you want but tl;dr car repairs, ubers to/from work, and food in the meantime

ways to support me:

redbubble ☆ i have quite a few things on there, including logos of my stuff and retro things like bowling alley carpet, i’m working on a pride collection of bowling alley carpets too!! and i have a lot more in the works :]

patreon ☆ four different tiers with varying perks, and near-daily updates on art projects, sneak peeks at redbubble designs, previews on music and even full songs weeks before they release- also recognition on youtube, my discord, etc etc!

donations ☆ these are quick links to all the major money sharing apps (cashapp venmo paypal), if you want to do zelle that requires my email (emery.nova7673@gmail.com)

bandcamp ☆ for as little as a dollar you can pick any of my currently released songs to get the highest quality download, which is equivalent to listening to it 34 times on spotify… so if you really like my music then own it for yourself here! you can also get 50% off literally anything with the code hungrypumpkin (since it’s helping me pay for food lol)

and if you can’t donate, pleaaaase reblog hopefully to reach someone who can- reblogs help wayyy more than likes in this case ^^

thank you all!!! you’re amazing and i hope you have a stellar day

poll for engagement:

okayyy umm hii… i’m a queer trans non-binary neurodivergent indie artist, teacher, and musician (to get all the demographic solidarity out there, i never know how to write these) and as of rn i’m having to pay my dad $1900 to fix my car’s transmission while ALSO paying anywhere from $100-150 a week on ubers to get to and from work since i have a residential tutoring job. while ALSO having to pay rent, bills, etc like normal. it fuckign sucks and i’ve literally been eating almost nothing except free handouts from college … it’s a nightmare and it weighs on me every day 😔

not only are most of the ubers a wild roulette on whether the car’s going to be super uncomfortable and make me nauseous, the driver being overpolitical and talking about super uncomfortable shit out of the blue and making me feel really unsafe, they’re often super fucking late and i can’t risk being late to work and it’s just all around not sustainable yayy!! and i also just learned i have depression from all this! which next to the rest of my melting pot of neurodivergence makes it Really goddamn hard to exist in a positive way!

when i’m not at work or school i am making as much content as i possibly can and pushing it out onto redbubble, patreon, etc. you will get more than your moneys worth in return from artistic content and stuff, that’s all i have to offer right now, because frankly commissions are extremely draining and take me SUPER LONG to finish- i don’t want you to have to fight through my executive dysfunction to get a finished piece that’s not fair to you and i want to make this as worth it as possible on the user end

if you want a specific goal, then right now, $350 for ubers for a month would help a lot but naturally give as much as you can because i need all i can get rn ^^; i’m lowballing it so it feels more achievable really but just ,, please anything helps lol

$0 / $350

thank you i love you all my gratitude is immeasurable and i just.. thank you for supporting me it helps more than you know

[bi-bats]

asksender reporting for duty! 🫡

for the latest fic ask set: 5, 7, 8, and 15 please!!!

(also, please please take all the rest time you want/need!!! you gave us a Feast, now it is time for rest and recuperation 💕💕💕)

OKAY I'M FEELING LIKE ANSWERING SOME ASKS SO HERE WE GO I'M STARTING WITH THIS ONE FROM AN OLDER GAME BECAUSE IT'S BEEN HERE IN MY ASK BOX FOR LIKE 3 WEEKS

(i heard you say I can take as long as I need in one of your more recent ones, I just didn't internalize it which isn't your fault 💚)

technically the latest fic I had posted when I reblogged this was Scars and Stitches BUT right before that I posted What Are You Waiting For? which is FAR more interesting to me SO I'm answering for that one because rules are fake and I feel like it.

5. How do you decide how long your fics/chapters will be? Do you have a word count goal?

Ha. Ha! I don't decide anything. Do you all think I'm out here deciding that my next update for Know Yourself should be 18k words?? Of course not.

Here's how it goes: I tell any given chapter what I think should happen. The chapter says "hmmmm, maybe. We'll see." Then I beg the chapter to please please please please please not be over 10k words. It gives me a smile like it thinks I'm adorable for even asking when we both damn well know that the chapter will do whatever it wants, and what I want has nothing to do with it. And then either the chapter takes mercy on me (like it did in this fic) or it Does Not (like it is doing in Know Yourself).

7. What part of this fic/chapter was the most fun to write? 

Honestly, the whole first chapter. There's just something about the way it flows that I feel so good about 💚

8. Which line/paragraph are you most proud of? Why are you proud of this? 

But the strangest thing is how everyone believes Jason anyways. Just like that.  Then again, Dick is backing him up, so of course they believe him. Everyone believes Goldie, all of the time. He just flashes that gorgeous smile like a fucking master key, and Jason’s always been a tiny bit jealous that everyone else turned out so goddamn endearing.  Not that being intimidating doesn’t have its uses, but sometimes he can’t ignore how much easier certain things would be if his edges were just a little less sharp.

This whole section. I think it's just that this is one of those thoughts that Jason keeps to himself, even though he thinks it fairly often. It captures a part of Jason I rarely see represented, which is how he came back different and he feels different from the rest of the bats in a lot of ways that strain his relationship with them. (Also, I feel like this reads in his voice really well which is something I sometimes have a hard time feeling like I nailed.

15. What is one question you wish someone would ask you about this work? Ask it and answer it.

There is ALWAYS a question I want to be asked about fics, and it is what songs inspired them! I listen to so much music (Spotify wrapped outed me last year at 84k minutes of listening lmaoo) and I used to write to music a lot but I've been finding it distracting lately.

I still plot to music though, and each of my fics have playlists! I'm gonna link the spotify playlist for this fic here! Top recs from this playlist are:

Lately I haven't Been Sleeping

Hyacinthus

J's Lullaby

-

Thank you for reporting in for an ask!!! I always love seeing you in my inbox and I swear I get excited every time, I'm just bad at answering 😂

And re: your comment at the end, Thank You and everyone who reminded me to give myself room to rest! I don't want to burn out any more than anyone else wants me to burn out, and I appreciate the reminder!! Also preparing the feast was So Worth It, people are still (like literally at this moment I got one) sending in the LOVELIEST comments that are making my day every single time!!

Ily all!!! and Bean I'll see you in like five seconds for your Echo Wife ask I've been vibrating to answer 💖

[justmeinatree]

okay realistically i could just say one direction as a band, and then Harry, Louis, and Niall as solo artists for four of the five because i really do still love the music they made as a band and obviously i adore our boys as solo artists. but for the sake of actually giving an interesting answer, i'm not gonna name any members of one direction 😂 naming my top 5 is sooo hard because it's like being forced to pick my favorite children and my favorites change all the time but at the moment i'd say Three Days Grace (in particular the older stuff when Adam Gontier was still the lead singer, they've been a favorite of mine since my early teenage years), Bastille (Bad Blood is still such an elite album after a decade idc what anyone says), September Stories (they do a lot of spoken word stuff so it's a bit of an acquired taste but Every Word, Everything and Home have been in my top 100 songs on Spotify every year since I made my account), The Smiths (Morissey sucks as a person lol but his ability to turn his misery into absolutely gorgeous lyrics goes unmatched and Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want and There Is a Light That Never Goes Out both have such an otherworldly vibe to them), and Beth Crowley (she does a lot of songs inspired by books that I've never read but I really love the way her lyrics always tell a story and I wish she was more popular!!)

i know you didn't ask for all these details but i can't talk about my favorite artists without adding at least a few comments 😂 i could seriously talk about music all day so i'm loving that you asked this!! 🫶

but now i obviously have to ask you the same question...top 5 artists/bands? 👀

-🤘

okay so i’m loving the variety here ! a lot a lot !! i’m also now curious how one direction / solo 1d would rank ? just out of pure curiosity because i obviously can’t decipher based on your list here 😅

now asking for my top 5 is 😩 lol top 6 is even easier than top 5 for some reason 🤷‍♀️ so is top 3 lmao for some reason 5 is just messing with me but here we go ! and i’ll preface this with 2 points. firstly, i’m not putting one direction or any of their solo careers, but mostly because they honestly probably don’t rank in my top 5 (and cue the absolute massacre i’m gonna receive in my inbox, especially considering i’ve been blogging about 3 of them for the last 10+ years. but listen, top 5 of every artist EVER, cmon 😅) and secondly, you will very much be able to pin down my fav kind of music. i really do like a lot of artists from a lot of different genres, but i do have a fav and it will be blatantly fkn obvious. alright, here goes 😂

first, and always motha fkn first no matter what, green day. they are my everything, their music from 80s through to now has shaped me into who i am today, more than anything else. jesus of suburbia is the best song ever written, nothing will ever top it, like everyone else can stop trying, we have the best song ever, yall can go home 😂 then i’d say afi. fantastic band from the start, but their decemberunderground album is my favourite album of all time, so beautifully written. and fun fact, the only album that i have tattooed twice (or i should say once but getting the second next time i’m getting tatted) ! now we’re gonna flip things a tiny bit, and go with steve miller band, hands downs the BEST stoner music ever. they have the vinyls i reach for most, it’s just such a fkn vibe, i adore it !! (also sliding in an honourable mention for oasis, because that’s another vinyl i’m always reaching for when stoned 😅). fourth, i would say good charlotte, simply because they are fkn fantastic, and their young and the hopeless album is the one album i turn to constantly when life is hard and it just resets me, idk what it is 😂. and then in fifth, i’m going with our lady peace, i feel like they’re super underrated but they have some fkn bangers, they deserve more love ! and then i’m throwing in an honourable mention to counting crows because that 90s vibe is unmatched, and it brings me so much nostalgia for easier times.

sorry for the bible 😅 i hope you enjoy my rant about my 5 (or 7 😬) top fav bands that quite clearly capture the essence that is my punk rock heart 🫶

[ghostpill79]

3/19

1:02 Am

Listing to live performance of normal love by xiu xiu.

The lyrics are so good.

I wanna make something good.

I feel like shit. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t eat real food.

I want to cry right now.

Not crying.

Chewing on my comforter like I do.

Tomorrows not going to feel great. My grammar class sucks ass. Marketing is boring and dumb. I just wish I could do creative writing classes. It’s the only one I like. But if they were all like that it probably wouldn’t be good. I have to cancel or reschedule my therapist appointment. I could do it now , I’ll do it now.

2:30 AM

Still not asleep. Can’t stop thinking about music I don’t make when I’m able to. Wasn’t most of today. Well that’s harsh I got sone stuff done. But not enough for me to feel accomplished. I don’t know if I ever have or do feel that way. Maybe the closest I get is just not thinking about feeling accomplished. I’m just not thinking. I wish I had a vice to fall back on in times like this. Should I just drop out and move back home. Focus on the music. That’s not a good idea probably. I really don’t want to move back to Charlotte. Well actually I really don’t want to move back home with my mom. I should text that girl back. She seems cool. I would like being roommates with her. I guess I should look for places. And apply to them? Fuck I don’t want to do this. I want some one to just do it for me. I want it to just be done. The thought of putting effort into things that won’t for sure work out fills he with suicidal rage. I don’t want to fucking do anything. Ever.

2:39 am

Going to browse tinder because fuck what the fuck else am I gonna do!? What the fuck else is deserving of my time. It’s definitely not sleep.

2:41Am

Fuck tinder. I don’t want any of these hoes! Hahaha. I would kneel down just to lay eyes on a pussy. Just to catch a glimpse. I’d let them spit on me. I’d let them punch me. Not into the stepping on balls and dick stuff. No not my thing at all. I guess I mean do like watching humiliation stuff but I don’t think that’s something I’d want to participate in. I think the humiliation is probably much more deep seated. Well be it’s probably much more pathetic. My hand hurts from typing.

2:51 Am

Responded to girl I messaged a week ago about horror movies. She finally responded , asking me what REC is? I of course waited five minutes to respond to someone who made me wait a week. But she’s hot as fuck so fuck it. I have no shame. Like In the song I’m working on says. Even though I think I’m not going to use that line . The song is probably not going to ever be finished if I’m being honest. Must keep at it though . Must finish something.

12:14 pm

Saw that they them again. Leave me alone, you whore! She wasn’t a whore. They weren’t a whore. I don’t know. About to sit bored in marketing again. I could read to entertain myself a bit. It’s so fucking dumb - that class. Literally for baby brained retards.

12:28 pm

The Spotify algorithm loves fievel is glauque I like them too but Jesus. Every daily mix is like a quarter them.

Listening to answer by Tyler the creator now.

3:55 pm

Shitting. “ I were you I start working 80 , 90 hours a week”. I want to write about a southern guy who’s done with his life that runs over a twink. His freedom from his life comes at the cost of some one else’s. That’s the theme. I want to blow away my fiction class. I want to make a Paul Thomas Anderson esc story.

Preparing myself to go to grocery store so I don’t just eat chocolate like yesterday.

[anyways-wonderwall]

Album of the Week #65

Purrr!

(2014)

by Doja Cat

Overall Rating: 5.5/10

TL;DR: Who knew Doja had a spacey rnb era? Problem is I am aggressively ambivalent to anything spacey. 

(this album cover is so aggressively 2014 I'm losing my mind 2/10)

So as I’ve mentioned before, I decide the album I’m going to do by picking a random number and doing whatever album matches that on my hundreds of albums long list. Just for fun a while back, I put “a whole discography, your choice of who” on the list thinking I’d never get it. Well, I got it. 

Now you may be wondering, why choose Doja Cat? Do you know how stupid it is to pick someone freshly canceled as the only person you’ve done a full discography from? And to that I say that Spotify doesn’t pay artists to begin with so I really don’t think my .00000001 cent per listen is really impacting much. And also, if my reviews say the album is shitty isn’t that just showing how good of a person I am?

In all honesty I really like Doja Cat’s music and just wanted to see the development she went through as an artist, because we all know she went through quite an interesting one as a person. So without further ado here is what I thought of her first EP, from nine years ago. 

Overall Thoughts

Some of these songs are from as far back as 2012 which absolutely insane to think about. I mean that was just such a different time musically, with “Call Me Maybe” and “Somebody that I Used to Know” being the biggest hits of the year. I just can’t comprehend that in that era Doja Cat was making music. Not that these songs are grossly outdated, but it just is an interesting framing. 

I’m gonna be honest, this isn’t going to be a great review because this album falls into my weakness when it comes to music – spacey alternative. I don’t know what about it I can’t get into, but I have never been able to latch onto anything when listening to music like that. Before I know it the song has ended and everything has gone in one ear and out the other. Sure I’ll recognize it if you play it for me again but I would not be able to sing any of it back to you. I need some kind of texture to use as a tether or else I’ll just get lost in the cosmos. 

This album is very spacey in a way I did not expect, and unfortunately in a way that did not stick in my brain. I have absolutely zero strong feelings about anything on this album, and can safely say that every song is okay. Just okay. I could use it as background music again, but I could also go my whole life never hearing any of it again. 

Final Thoughts

Not a bad start, although unfortunately for me it is very forgettable. A lot more rnb than I was expecting, with barely any rap segments. I just hope that the songs get more interesting from here ://. 

Next week's review: Amala (2018) by Doja Cat

[purplesurveys]

1734

1 - What’s your favourite type of survey to take? A survey with just a mix of random questions is always a safe choice – that's what most of them have been, anyway. Every now and then I like to enjoy categories, and to a lesser degree, themed ones.

2 - What about your least favourite? Do you ever take these anyway if you can’t find anything else? I mean, about-mes are only fun if you're new to surveys but they'll get old quickly. I don't like song shuffles either because I have a million separate playlists on Spotify, so those surveys could never capture my music taste as a whole.

3 - Do you have a favourite survey maker? How long have you been following their blog for? I have a few favorites on Bzoink but I haven't been able to catch up with any of their newer surveys because life.

4 - Do you ever get surveys from somewhere that isn’t Tumblr? What other sites do you like to use for finding surveys? I used to go on Bzoink and lift newer surveys from there over here, but 2022/2023 has kept me very busy that these days I just play catch-up with all the surveys everyone takes here. Until around 2-3 years ago I also used to go on LiveJournal but the survey tag doesn't get updated as much, so I eventually I stopped visiting.

5 - Do you like to take surveys at a particular time of day? I like taking them in the evenings before going to bed. I also reserve most of my survey-taking on weekends, but if a work day has been gross and just need an outlet to vent or whatever I will occasionally squeeze time on a weeknight.

6 - Do you have a favourite location to take surveys - eg. on your bed or in the living room? I'll take them in my room most of the time – it's quiet and peaceful here. Occasionally I'd do them on the couch in the living room or at the dining table, but it's almost always too distracting to finish one.

7 - How often would you say you took surveys? Do you go through phases of taking loads and then stopping for a while? I've been pretty consistent in the 10-11 years I've been taking surveys, tbh! I never really took a 'break' from them – they serve the same purpose as a journal, so I've never felt burned out from surveys.

The most distinct difference, if anything, about my survey-taking habits is how it surged like crazy during the pandemic. Like dude. I didn't have a job, I had just graduated, I was stuck at home – I used to do 5-6 surveys a day, EVERYDAY, for like six months.

8 - Do you like to watch TV or listen to music while you take surveys? If I have something on in the background, it has to be something I can't understand so that my brain doesn't get overstimulated lol. That said, I like having Korean-language vlogs on when taking surveys.

9 - Have you ever taken surveys with another person before? NOOOOOOOO. I prefer to keep IRLs out of my survey-taking hobby.

10 - Do people in real life know you take surveys? If not, would you be embarrassed if someone found out about your blog? Only my sister knows and that's just because I know she doesn't give a shit and I trust her to not judge me for it. I shared the blog with my now-ex at some point but that's also why I changed my user recently.

11 - Do you often have something to eat and drink next to you while you take surveys? Drink, yes. Coffee and surveys go hand-in-hand for me. Food, no. Too much of a distraction.

12 - What kind of chair or surface do you find yourself sitting on the most when you take them? The mini sofa in my room.

13 - Have you ever taken surveys at work before? I used to sneak surveys in during my internship when work would be slow; but otherwise I've never done it since getting formally employed.

14 - Do you prefer doing surveys on a laptop, a phone or another device? Laptop. Dealing with this big a body of text on a phone seems like such a headache.

15 - What kind of surveys would you like to see more of? What about less of? I mean I don't have any expectations when it comes to surveys lol. As long as I don't run out of any to take. Thank you, active survey-makers!!

16 - Have you ever discovered new bands, TV shows or anything through reading other people’s surveys? I'm sure it's happened, but I wouldn't say it's a frequent occurrence.

17 - Do you like to read other people’s answers? Are there some people whose blogs you always check? Sure, I keep up with the little circle I have on here. I'm usually too shy to comment, but I'm generally aware of the ups and downs everyone's been going through and I just kind of like...silently send my support or well wishes or condolences and whatnot.

18 - Have you ever taken a survey while drunk or high? I have taken surveys while drunk but most of the time it ends up with me being too sleepy to take the full thing and just finishing the rest the next morning.

19 - Have you ever attempted the 5,000 question survey? Did you ever finish or did you find yourself getting bored part-way through? I have actually never finished it, no. I should get my ass to take the whole thing at some point.

20 - What first got you into taking surveys? I have no clue, honestly. Maybe it's because the earliest forms of social media like Myspace and LJ would have people do the generic about-me prompts and I guess it just made me curious about more long-form surveys that could possibly exist out there. Eventually I found Bzoink and that's how this whole habit started.

21 - How old were you (roughly) when you first started taking them? I was technically 10 when I first found out about Bzoink, but didn't start keeping a blog up until I was either 13 or 14.

22 - What’s the reason behind you taking surveys? It's a journal that's able to keep a record of my life, simply put.

23 - What’s one thing that would put you off taking or finishing a survey? If the questions get too irritating, or if I'm way too stressed that not even surveys could save the day.

24 - In your opinion, what’s the ideal length for a survey? Would you not bother taking a survey if you thought it was too short or too long? Anywhere between 40 to 60 is fun enough for me, but overall it depends on my mood and how awake I feel.

25 - Do you answer questions using proper spelling and grammar? Yes.

26 - Do you prefer questions that require long answers or are you happy to take yes/no surveys? Ones that demand more substantial answers are fine but don't, like, get all philosophical or existential. That's another thing that would push me away from finishing a survey.

27 - Is there a specific style of survey that you’ve never taken before? Surveys that have you answer with a photo. I don't like those either.

28 - What kind of surveys would you like to see in the future? That could be in terms of style or category or anything, really? Again, don't really have expectations when it comes to surveys haha. I just take whatever I see that I feel are interesting enough.

29 - Have you ever shared your surveys with friends and family on social media? Nope.

30 - Do you find that time goes by quickly or slowly when you take surveys? Quickly.

[partially-controlled-chaos]

Thank you @thoughts-of-bear for the tag! Deeply honored to be a mutual 😊❤️

Favorite color: Sage/mossy green

Last Song: It was either The Guardian by Shawn James or Lucky by Britney Spears. The Spotify algorithms choose what irder I listen to things and I don’t remember which was the most recent.

Last Movie: I don’t think I remember the last time I watched a movie. Most of the time I’m playing a game, doom scrolling Tumblr or attempting to be productive with my fan fiction. I want to maybe say it was Guardians of the Galaxy 3 when it finally reeeses on Disney+? Maybe? Was that really the last movie I watched?

Currently Reading: So I’m not actively reading anything at the moment, but my last read was The Whisper Man by Alex North. Very good story and very creepy. 10/10. I want to read The Shadows by the same author and it’s been sitting on my to-read shelf for a hot minute. Maybe I’ll find the time at some point.

Currently Watching: Nothing 😅 I enjoy tv, but I never find myself watching it. I have show commitment issues so I won’t start a series I can’t easily finish in like two days because I move on to something else because watching tv on end gives me anxiety (idk I don’t understand it either). When I’m home there’s a 90% chance I’m either on the PlayStation or staring at my computer screen in an attempt to finish the multiple fan fiction wips I have going on.

Currently Craving: I ordered a specific cake for my birthday that I only get for that and I’m so ready for it. Highlight of my year every time.

Tea or coffee: Coffeeeeee. I’m from the southern US so it’s almost a crime to not like tea, let alone sweet tea, but it’s never been a big favorite of mine. Although I do enjoy a fruity boba and milk tea or a warm black currant tea. But I’ll always prefer coffee.

Tagging @beardedladyqueen with no pressure!

"Currently"

Since I've already been tagged by both @figuringthengsout and @notasapleasure I should finally do something about it🫡

favorite color: recently it's yellow💛💛💛 Juicy mango type of yellow the most. Often combined with black and white because I enjoy looking like an oriole:

last song: Tina Turner - GoldenEye

last movie: Mask (1994) (and maaan how I never suspected I would look at Stanley Ipkiss as a relateable character when I grow older...😅)

currently reading: Romans na receptę - another one of few books by Monika Szwaja that my mum borrowed in our local library. I like her style and it breaks my heart that she died being only 65🥺 There's always so much hope and friendliness and support in the world that she's depicting. And, fascinating enough, there's usually AroAllo woman representation somewhere and depicted in the positive way! Of course it is not called "aromantic" by a polish writer born in 1949, more likely for the main male character to call that "AroAllo" woman character a "robot" who "uses him as as a sex toy"🤭 - BUT nevertheless even the male protagonist really likes her, appreciates her skills as loyal assistant, treats her as good friend to confess his problems to and genuinely wishes her all the luck!👍 In other books you can expect other queers occasionally too (like a teenage son who turns out to have a boyfriend), but it's always in sympathetic and realistic yet bringing-back-faith-in-humanity kind of way🫠

currently watching: umm... nothing actually (I feel like a weirdo😑 Like maybe I should start watching sth finally just so I could fill in the meme next time around? I do have a lot of series on my "to watch list")

currently craving: MANAGE TO GET SHIT DONE!💪 seriously I need either only 2 working days a week instead of 3 or... better time organisation😩 (so what that I have 4 "free" days a week now when there are emails to answer and books to read, and my pictures to make into album, and family members to visit, and all the new pictures' ideas to draw, and new tumblr posts to create, and those fic-WIPs waiting for so long already, and... I wonder if scheduling everything in precize days and hours would help me to feel more organised somehow?🤔 or only feel more remourse for not being able to follow the schedule?😑)

tea or coffee: Oh, so glad you asked! Tea please, black, strong, no sugar, no milk. Lemon appreciated but not necessarily. Thank you!🫖☕️

Tagging: @zorilleerrant , @chrisoels , @swordoftheseeker , @kaiaprax , @imaginatorofthings , @parttimereptile , @corey-m13 - some of you won't play probably so I'm just saying a friendly "hi"👋

[jungk0oksthighs]

Over The Odds | The Contract 

Pairing - jungkook x reader

Genre - angst, smut, ceo!jungkook, sugardaddy!jungkook

Word count - 4.5k

Being different to his usual sugar baby, you convince Jungkook to make some changes to his contract

warnings: drinking, swearing, bratty oc, degrading, being restrained, oral sex (f receiving), fingering

FULL SERIES COLLECTION

“I really don’t see the problem, if I were you I would’ve signed it already. He’s hot and a monster in bed, what more could you ask for?” Jimin giggles, exposing his white teeth.

You’re both having a few beers on your sofa in your small, underwhelming shared accommodation as you go through the contract Jungkook forwarded to you three days ago. Truth is he expected you to sign and send it back by now but there are a few sections that need a little tweaking if you’re really going to commit to this lifestyle.

“Listen to this, baby must only be sexually active with daddy and have no other sexual partners in the time frame that she is contracted to him.” You snort at the cheek of this guy.

“Does he actually want you to call him daddy? That’s so hot.” Jimin gushes, dramatically fanning himself with his free hand, “What’s the problem with that? It’s not like you’ve fucked anyone else recently, and you definitely don’t need to now.”

Your lips purse unamused, “I know that, but it doesn’t say anything about his sexual activity, I’m not going to stay fully committed to him if he’s going to be whoring around yknow?”

“He doesn’t date Y/N, he’s obviously going to be whoring around.”

“Then it’s no deal, if I have to be exclusive to him I deserve to be prioritised in the same way.”

As the night progresses you and Jimin find yourself finding every flaw within the contract, fits of laughter fill the air along with some lo-fi playlist from Spotify and Jimin’s fruity vape clouds, your housemates were away travelling so thankfully you had the place to yourselves. Pulling out your phone you decide to contact Jungkook directly and tell him the deals off, no amount of money can get you to agree to some of this shit. He has to be joking. The line rings four times before going to voicemail, you sigh.

“I’m not leaving a message, fuck that.” You snort, “Oh well that’s the end of that! One night of mind-blowing sex and now it’s over.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Jimin quirks a brow, “At least you got to have sex, I had to listen to Taehyung talk about work for two hours while you got fingered in the back of a limo.”

You cringe at his words, “You make it sound so dirty.”

“It is dirty Y/N, you’re fucking filthy and I love it!”

To this you laugh hysterically, you’re six maybe seven beers into your night and your best friend is swaying to the beat of the music, both of you well on your way to a bad hangover the next morning. From the corner of your eye you see your phone light up with a text message, Jimin also clocks this and snaps his fingers excitedly.

“Is that him?” He points to your screen, “What did he say?”

Jungkook: I’m in a meeting right now, everything okay?

“Tell him you’re not okay his fucking contract is stupid! No tell him you want to be his daddy!” Jimin cackles, “Wait no! Ask for a dick pic! I don’t believe it’s as big as you say it is.”

“Trust me I wouldn’t still be walking like I shit my pants if it wasn’t.” You throw your head back and laugh, feeling somewhat lightheaded from the alcohol.

Y/N: This contract needs editing if you still want me to do this, there’s something in here I’m not comfortable with

Within seconds your phone buzzes again,

Jungkook: I’ll have my driver pick you up in an hour and we can discuss this properly at my office

“Shit. He wants me to discuss this with him in person tonight.” Your hand covers your mouth quickly as you attempt to conceal the laughter that bubbles at the surface, “I’m way too drunk to talk about this tonight what do I say?”

“Tell him,” Jimin rushes to his feet as though he’s just thought of the idea of the century, “That you can’t tonight as you need an attorney present before you sign anything!”

“Brilliant!” You clap your hands together, squealing.

Y/N: Not tonight, need an attorney present if I’m gonna sign anything

“You’re a fucking genius Jimin, this is why we’re best friends.”

Jungkook: Taehyung is here, don’t worry about that

Turning your phone screen to Jimin his eyes widen in shock before he loses it, falling back onto the sofa in a fit of giggles, “Does he expect you to talk about this stuff in front of Taehyung?! About your sex life?”

“I think so? What do I do?!”

“Wait, wait I’ve got it.” Jimin raises a single finger for his eureka moment before taking your phone.

Y/N: Can’t leave Jimin sorry :) 

You glance at the message before rolling your eyes, “That’s your bright idea? Really?”

Jungkook: Bring him. He’ll need to sign an NDA since he knows about us anyway

“Oh my god he wants you to sign a non-disclosure agreement.” You’re totally buzzed, head spinning with equal parts beer and Jungkook. Since you were probably going to be seeing him at his office tonight you decide to switch to water, wanting to sober up as much as possible.

How many times has Jungkook done this? He’s taking it more seriously than you anticipated – especially asking your best friend to sign an NDA, is he that ashamed of you?

When you eventually arrive at Jungkook’s office ninety minutes later you’re in awe of the building, constructed of mostly glass and the smell of fresh linen lingers throughout – Jimin walks beside you as a short blonde-haired man escorts you to where you need to be. You and Jimin had made a pact in the car, the same car Jungkook almost devoured you in one week ago, that you have to take whatever this is seriously. No laughing, no snide comments, only complete and utter professionalism. Thankfully the alcohol was wearing off with each passing moment.

“Thanks Yoongi.” Taehyung offers a small smile as he opens the glass door.

Suddenly you’re feeling underdressed in your flared black trousers and matching crop top, exposing an inch of skin around your middle and small arms. Taehyung is dressed to perfection of course, displaying a baby pink shirt tucked into chocolate brown slacks, his hair pushed back enough to reveal all of that perfectly symmetrical face of his.

Jimin noticeably stiffens beside you upon seeing the celebrity attorney, his Adams apple bouncing in his throat as he swallows. Giving that you were only supposed to be having a few drinks at your place tonight he too was dressed casually, wearing tight blue jeans and a pale grey oversized hoodie.

“Hi Taehyung,” Jimin is the first to speak, “Hi Jungkook…”

Your eyes fall to his sitting figure instantly, he’s at his desk in front of the large window, typing something on the computer before he notices your arrival. Jungkook stands to greet you both, gesturing to the two seats opposite him and Taehyung. Just when you think you couldn’t possibly be more attracted to him he decides to wear a fitted white dress shirt, tattoos threatening to escape from every angle, black slacks and his LV belt. He looks amazing, and here you are standing in a SHEIN co ord set you managed to get for cheap online.

“Hello Jimin,” Taehyung smirks as he takes the seat next to Jungkook at his desk, mindlessly flicking through paperwork. “Nice to see you again Y/N.”

“Likewise.” Is all you can manage to choke out, still fixated on the way Jungkook’s muscles flex beneath his clothes as he locks his computer, giving you his undivided attention.

“Hello Y/N.” Jungkook’s gaze is darkening with each passing moment, eyes hungrily raking the curves of your body which doesn’t go unnoticed by his best friend, you see him almost roll his eyes at Jungkook’s change in demeanour.

“Before we start I need you both to sign these,” Taehyung places two forms down on the desk titled NDA. “You can read through them as we go on but the short of it is basically neither of you will be allowed to discuss this meeting or your arrangement,” He zones in on you, “To anybody outside this room. You’ll be known as Jungkook’s girlfriend to the public and not his… Well, yknow.” He gives a boxy grin.

“What about my parents? What am I supposed to tell them if they see us together?” You furrow your brows, picking up a shining gold pen from the desk.

“Nobody beyond the four of us can know the truth, it would be too damning for his reputation.”

Glancing to your right you notice Jimin has already signed his NDA, he’s such a Yes Man, you know full well he has no intention of reading through the document either – instead he hangs on to every word spoken by Taehyung.

“Right…” You click your tongue.

“Remember you don’t have to do this Y/N, I’m not going to force you into anything. Only sign it if you want to do this.” Jungkook’s dark almond eyes are trained solely on you, a reassuring half-smile pulling his lips.

“I know but-, consider me intrigued.” You use his own words from the bar against him, shifting that smile into smirk from your soon to be fake boyfriend slash sugar daddy from across the table. You sign the document, realising it’s unlikely that your parents will ever meet Jungkook. You’re worrying about nothing.

“I understand you’d like to make some changes to the contract?” Taehyung puts on a pair of stylish thin silver-rimmed glasses, glancing down at another document in front of him.

“I’d like to work out the details with Jungkook,” You sigh, “Alone.”

To this Jimin suppresses a giggle next to you, Taehyung eyes you curiously over the top of his new glasses. From across the desk Jungkook’s tongue pops the inside of his cheek in a brief, not so successful attempt to rid himself of the smug smirk that’s still displayed on his lips.

“Okay then, Guk you can send me any changes to the contract tomorrow and I’ll have it filed.”

“Of course.” Jungkook clears his throat, nodding in agreement.

“In that case, Jimin,” Taehyung stands, “Shall we?”

And just like that you’re alone with the man offering to change your life forever, Taehyung and Jimin having left the large glass office. For a moment you did wonder where they were going, and if anything other than friendship was budding between the two men as they did act differently in front of each other. No, Jimin would’ve told you the second anything happened if that was the case. It’s Jungkook’s voice that pulls you from your thoughts, his tone serious and dripping with sex appeal.

“Come here.” He commands, and you quickly obey, walking round the desk to sit in the newly empty chair next to him. “No, come here.” He pats his thick thighs knowingly.

Sinking yourself onto his lap you smile, his cologne floods your nostrils as you drape your arms over his broad shoulders. “So there’s a couple things we need to change before-“

“Not yet.” He presses a soft kiss to your collarbone, his hands finding purchase on your tiny waist. “I have something for you first.”

“Oh yeah?” You mock, fingertips brushing his raven hair from his face. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with this would it?” You roll your hips against his crotch with a smug look, his cock beginning to harden beneath your weight.

Jungkook hums, his grip on your middle tightening, “Mmm you’re such a brat, as much as I’d love to bend you over my desk and fuck you senseless right now, it’s actually got nothing to do with that.”

“Oh.” You’re equal parts surprised and disappointed, being fucked on a big wooden desk in a CEO’s office sounds pretty good right now. Especially when he’s already underneath you looking like that. “What is it then?”

He opens the top drawer of the desk and pulls out a small yet long piece of thick white paper, “For last Friday.” Upon inspection what he’s passing to you is a cheque with your name on it, though the box where the number should be remains blank. “I had a great time with you baby.”

“Oh wow, a blank cheque?” You’re confused.

To this he chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief, “Mhm, pick a number and write it down.”

“What?” You’re vaguely offended, this exchange a strong reminder that you and him will be nothing more than a mere business endeavour to him. You feel like a modern day prostitute. “I don’t want your money, I chose to have sex with you.”

“Y/N I told you, I don’t date.” He pulls away to look at you, registering that you’re taken aback by the notion, “I want to help you, you’re going to be helping me with my public image so… I know you’re in debt and I have money, really it’s the least I can do.”

“I see. It’s just that I thought we agreed the other night was more of a try before you buy situation, no strings or money attached.”

“It was,” He hums in agreement, his lips slowly finding their way to your jaw to pepper the area with gentle kisses, “This is just a gift, for being so fucking amazing.” His words get lost in the skin of your neck.

“Okay...” You mumble, your body beginning to betray you as Jungkook’s kisses start to feel really good and make you go dizzy. “I really think we should lay down the law before,” You exhale in bliss, it’s hard to concentrate with his rock hard cock pushing into your clothed core, “Before anything else happens between us.”

“Understandable.” He clicks his tongue, finding the strength to pull away from your neck. “What changes need to be made? You said something made you uncomfortable?”

You clear your throat while you shift on his lap, “If I’m not allowed to sleep with other people, I don’t think you should be either.”

“What?” It’s his turn to be offended, his thick dark brows raised, “That sounds an awful lot like dating.”

“Mmm,” You roll your hips over his once more, smiling triumphantly as a throaty moan escapes him when you brush past his sensitive area, “But since we’re not dating, why can’t I sleep with other people? It’s hardly fair. If you can fuck someone else I should be allowed to get fucked by someone else too.”

“Okay, good point, I definitely don’t want anybody else fucking you,” He pauses, “Done. I won’t sleep with any other women for as long as we’re doing this. But you have start taking contraception, I don’t care which type do whatever’s best for you and your body, but we need to be using something other than just condoms.” His palms make their way down to the curve of your ass, palming the cheeks roughly. “If I’m only going to be fucking you, I plan on fucking you a lot. Can’t risk you getting pregnant.”

“Fine,” You grind down on him again, his head lolls back against his office chair, “I was going to start taking the pill again anyways.”

“Again?” His eyes fly open, “Such a dirty slut, has somebody fucked your tight little pussy bareback before?”

“Mhm,” You’re smiling at the fact he’s clearly jealous, “Maybe one day I’ll let you do it.” You’re wriggling in rhythm on top of his core, clothes the only barrier between your blazing bodies.

His gaze darkens at this, “Such a fucking tease. What else?”

“I need at least 24 hours-notice before an event, or date, or anything public. You can’t just spring it on me out of nowhere.”

“Done. I need you to stop being such a fucking brat.” He roughly grabs your hips in an attempt to still your movements, his eyes hooded and blown out with lust. “I’ll come in my pants if you keep doing that.”

Ignoring him you continue to move as you dish out your terms, “And the monthly rolling thing, what does that even mean?”

“Irrelevant.” Jungkook’s marking your collarbone with lewd open-mouthed kisses, “I want to make my own change to the contract, normally I do this on a month by month basis but…”

“But?” Your fingers mindlessly tug on his locks as you pull him back and force him to look at you, “But what?”

“I want you for one year.” He confesses with a heaving chest, hands exploring your curves, he’s clearly getting more and more worked up and you’re loving every second of it. “It’s about time people saw me in a long term relationship.”

“Hmm,” While the idea of being with Jungkook for a whole year makes your heart swell with something unknown, you can’t help but feel as though this might be a bad idea. It’s an idea you start rapidly warming to when he pulls your face down to meet his.

He kisses you messy and desperate as though he’s trying to convince you to agree to this new term, and it’s working. Playfully he nibbles your lower lip and pulls it back, a shit-eating grin hot against you when you shamelessly moan at his movements. You’re grinding down on him again, this time adding more pressure as you drag your core from side to side over his throbbing cock. He pulls away, his lips kiss-swollen and stained with lip gloss.

“So you’ll do this? For one year, with me?” He pants, somewhat distracted by the way you’re riding his clothed cock.

“Yes, I will. But there’s one other thing... Do I have to call you daddy?” You quirk a brow, voice low and sultry.

To this he shakes his head gently, though his profile remains contorted with pleasure, “I like the way you say my name when I fuck you, but we can always try it one day if you’re curious.”

“Maybe I am a little curious,” You admit, looking down at him through long eyelashes, “Why don’t you fuck me on your desk right now daddy?”

A pained groan escapes the man, his head falling back onto his chair while he looks you up and down in awe, “You really are a brat aren’t you? You want daddy to fuck you in his office hm? You’re lucky it’s almost 10 and nobody else is in the building.”

“I’d still want you to fuck me here even if the building was full.” You playfully shrug, there’s something equal parts sexy and amusing about being such a tease where your new fake boyfriend is concerned, he’s so easy to wind up you’ve noticed.

A possessive growl rumbles in his chest as he stands, picking you up in the process and sitting you atop of the desk. Electricity sparks inside you as he pushes your legs apart and stands between them, his inked fingertips slowly dragging themselves up your inner thighs. Your head is already spinning, the familiar sensation of paradise approaching and he hasn’t even touched you yet.

“You’re amazing,” He chuckles against your lips as they crash down to yours in another desperate kiss. The thing with Jungkook is that every time he kisses you it’s as though he’s treating it like it will be the last, or like you’re the last two people on Earth and nothing else matters. You hate to admit it but every time he kisses you, you’re getting more and more attached to the way this feels. “May I?” He twangs the waistband of your flares, and you quickly respond, nodding quickly.

Just like that you’re sitting on his the wooden desk naked from the waist down, your wet core hot against the cool surface while Jungkook is once again fully clothed. You reach up to his dress shirt, managing to free two of the top buttons before he bats your hand away, keeping a firm grip on your wrists with one hand as he unbuckles his belt with the other. It’s when he removes the belt completely and lifts it to your hands you realise what’s about to happen.

“Are you going to tie me up?” You tuck your bottom lip between your teeth suppressing a moan, one whole year of this didn’t seem so bad after all.

“Is that okay?” He asks, completely stilling his movements until you nod. “Use your words.”

“Yes daddy.” You’re testing your luck now and you know it, his gaze darkens at your words and something snaps inside him. He quickly rids you of your crop top, exposing your bare breasts and ties your wrists together with his designer belt.

“Lay down.” He instructs, not bothering to remove the documents from the table before your back is flat against them. Your elbows sit either side of your head, forearms and hands dangling off the edge of the desk above your head. From this angle your tits are propped up on sinful display, legs spread exposing your naked core – everything available to him. You peer round the room quickly, it’s constructed almost entirely from glass, if anybody did come to the office right now they would see you tied up on top of stacks of paperwork, about to get fucked by their boss. You whimper at the mere thought of it.

“Fuck me, please.” You beg, gyrating your hips to try and find any friction where you need it the most. You watch him sit back down in his chair and your stomach drops. “What the fuck? Why are you sitting—Oh my god.” You mewl.

Jungkook licks a flat stripe from your sopping entrance straight to your throbbing clit, winning you to cry out from the sudden stimulation. You feel him smirk against your womanhood and you playfully kick his broad shoulder in retaliation. He chuckles, zoning his mouth onto the sensitive bundle of nerves as he starts to eat you out.

Just when you think this man can’t get any better in bed he proves you wrong, his tongue wet and hard against you as he picks up the pace until you’re a writhing mess in front of him. At some point he throws your legs over his shoulders and drags you to the edge of the desk, your dripping pussy bearing down on the man’s mouth, your arousal coating his clean-shaven face and chin as he buries his face where you want it most.

“Fuck!” You moan repeatedly, unashamed of how good this feels.

Two fingers threaten your entrance, you can feel the digits dipping in and out of the area without ever going inside, your back arches in a state of complete euphoria as you really concentrate on the feeling of him eating your pussy. Everything is pressed against you, his multitalented lips, the bend of his nose, his chin, he’s treating you as though you’re his last meal and you’re close to seeing stars.

“That feel good baby?” His words are quiet, almost getting lost in the noise of your soaking heat against his tongue, “You like it when daddy eats this pretty little cunt?”

“Yes…” You gasp, “Oh god yes…” You’re so turned on, whole body ablaze as he continues his ministrations against you.

“You taste so fucking good.” He sucks your clit harshly, earning you to groan, “I could eat your pussy all day.”

“Fuck-, daddy…” You’re a whimpering mess, body jolting and jumping as your high approaches quickly.

“So fucking dirty,” He hums against you, “Coming to my office and begging for me to fuck you, such a slut,” His words fade into white noise, you’re shaking with ecstasy when he unceremoniously plunges two tattooed fingers inside you.

“Jungkook!” You shriek, your back fully lifting form the desk, your breasts high in the cool air, earning your nipples to harden.

“That’s it baby say my name,” He’s fucking in and out of you in perfect sync with the movements of his mouth, moaning against your flesh as you hips buckle into his face, “Say my fucking name.” He sucks your sensitive area particularly hard and you scream something that sounds like his name between gasps for air, he groans in approval, “Fuck my face baby, use my face to get yourself off.”

You quickly obey his request and begin thrusting upward, the sound of your slickness being stretched with another finger fills the air. It’s because of this you’re suddenly coming all over his face and fingers, whimpering on the desk as he slows down and your climax fades to bliss. Panting for air you whine at the loss of contact when he pulls away from you, now standing between your legs with a glistening face.

“You look so hot right now, fuck,” He leans down and grips your bound hands, pulling you up to a sitting position while he unties you, “Get dressed.”

“What? But what about-“

“I don’t bring condoms to the office, you’re gonna have to wait until we get to my apartment.”

You nod, you can’t help but feel a little disappointed but thankfully the rational side of your brain does the thinking for you, grabbing your discarded clothes and quickly putting them on. “Where’s the bathroom? I need to clean up…”

“Not happening,” A puff of air escapes his nostrils, “You’re going to stay like that so I can fuck you as soon as we get home.”

“Home?” You snort, “Let’s at least have a meal together before you start calling it that.”

To this his signature smirk tugs his shiny lips, “Can’t say I’m hungry, I already ate.”

x