#every thing about this episode is bizarrely attractive

[rotationalsymmetry]

Yeah, I stand by this post. I do want to add something about the Katara and Aang romance (no offense intended to people who like the ship, this is just my personal read): one thing that's interesting about Aang is he's not a conventional male love interest. He's not a badass -- I mean, he's powerful, but he's not...a jerk? He's not a conventional Action Dude. And this is a type that we don't see presented as sexually attractive very often. (Whereas eg with Jet, sure, everyone knows how to make a Bad Boy sexy, right?)

And one imagines that the writers wouldn't personally be attracted to someone like Aang (I mean, even when they were an age where that wouldn't be bizarre/creepy, or an age-appropriate version of Aang's character.) So that + not having a lot of models for Sexy Happy Go Lucky Pacifist Monk = not really being sure how to show Aang as being attractive. Perhaps.

Which is kind of hilarious. Of course people like Aang can be super attractive. He's fun. He's lighthearted. He's emotionally intelligent. He has got the sort of tragic backstory that would make every angst writer on the planet go feral if he actually expressed distress about it more often. (Not that I think it's a problem he doesn't. I'm on board with a great deal of equanimity and the intentional cultivation of joy being part of his culture and personal character.) So at least in theory he should have a great deal of Poor Little Meow Meow appeal. And he's deeply principled, which is hot: at first his principles get expressed more in a typically airbender going at things sideways, but when he learns to earthbend he also learns to stand his ground, and it's not like he didn't have principles at the beginning, he just didn't tend to express them in the fight-y way that Katara expresses hers, which can work well attraction wise in an opposites attract way. Plus, he's willing to self sacrifice to protect others (getting captured early in the first season...and then slipping off once the village was no longer in immediate danger, very airbender-y) which is pretty sexy if I do say so myself.

Anyways. I do think that there's a lot about Aang that can be seen as very attractive, and I think there's a lot of reasons Katara in particular would be attracted to him, and as far as I can tell Kataang shippers like the ship in spite of the way the show's written, not because of it, because I'm sorry I don't see her actually being shown as finding him attractive. (We do see the opposite! There's a very classic glamor shot of Katara that is showing how Aang sees her in the fortune teller episode, and we see Aang expressing romantic interest in Katara several times, and her rejecting his advances multiple times, and the place where she changes her mind is as far as I can tell not shown. And I wish it was! I want the romance to be one I find compelling. I think the potential is there in both characters. I don't think it's shown in the actual writing of the actual show.)

It’s not so much that Avatar: The Last Airbender doesn’t have any toxic masculinity at all. Zuko spends most of the show expressing no emotions except for anger, which is very much toxic masculinity (he doesn’t express that anger towards women, which is good, but that doesn’t have to be there for it to be toxic masculinity) and obvs Sokka starts out with some questionable attitudes towards women. But both things are shown as being character flaws in the show, and they’re flaws that they both grow out of. In fact, the main sign that Zuko’s turn is good for him, is that he loses his anger (and then he can’t figure out to firebend without anger, but they get that sorted out.) And clearly Sokka figures out how to see Suki as both a warrior and a girl. Sokka gives Aang some bad dating advice in the fortune teller episode back in Season 1 (he tells him to act like he doesn’t care about the girl he’s interested in), but I think it’s meant to be seen as bad dating advice. One of the strengths of Avatar: The Last Airbender is how all of the characters have flaws, and the there is this constant back and forth of accept who you are and focus on working with what you’ve got, but also sometimes you just have to change and grow in order to do what has to be done, and just like Zuko’s journey from loyal son of the empire to anti-imperialist is part of that, so is Zuko’s journey to not being ruled by anger and Sokka’s journey to, well, just generally be more relaxed about gender roles I guess. There’s a thing where Katara is the default “mom” of the group and whenever she has a conflict with Toph the boys stay out of it, and it would be nice if we’d seen some personal growth around that. Or around Aang figuring out that if he wants Katara to be his girlfriend then maybe he should figure out what she finds attractive and you know do that rather than complain about how they’re not a couple yet (I am really not happy with how the romance played out  in season 3, it comes across as the “dude gets the girl because he saved the world” trope, like she’s a trophy or something.) (It’s so frustrating because you know the writers are capable of showing sexual/romantic tension since they have that with Katara and other male characters several times, and they’re capable of showing male characters looking attractive, and they more or less never choose to do that for Aang from Katara’s viewpoint; maybe during the Footloose episode when they’re dancing but that’s it.) But yeah, there’s a lot of good in the way masculinity is presented in the ATLA, from a hero who’s about as far away from conventional action guy as it’s possible to get, to the way other characters overcome their initial sexism or toxic masculinity. And then there’s Legend of Korra, which goes even further with exploring different ways that masculinity can express itself and male vulnerability and so on. Lin Beifong going to stop the airships while Tenzin stays with his family, because it doesn’t matter that she’s a woman and he’s a man, what matters is that she’s a fighter and he (though also a fighter) has kids who need their dad. Mako having his romantic options influenced by what’s going to help him and his brother survive financially. Male characters who are disciplined or spontaneous, fighters or artists, hard working or fun loving, intelligent and creative, ambitious, supportive, or downright flaky. Male characters with nuance and many facets. All sorts of male characters.

[jubshead]

Okay, but why tf was this so attractive?!?

[drpsychobabble]

2024 Anime List - The Good

Let it be known that assembling this one, even when I'm saving up for a Special List, was quite difficult. So I had to repeatedly break my completely arbitrary rules to allow myself to talk about this year's many shows that gave me a significant amount of enjoyment.

11. The Fable / The Elusive Samurai

Since I'm already cheating right from the start, I'll be brief.

The Fable is a show I found fascinating because the first episode kept me guessing about what was the tone. Mostly because it was very dry in delivery, which could work for a serious drama. But the show makes it work wonders for comedy as well.

Finding out that Ryosuke Takahashi was directing quickly cemented my decision to keep up with the show, and I was not disappointed. Sure, the visuals are not the best. Sometimes things look off model, and the limited action isn't the flashiest or most fluid. But the show knows what it's doing and hits every seriously ridiculous situation right where it should be.

A story about a dedicated Hitman piecing together a humanity through his multiple encounters with a normal daily life (and sometimes not so normal).

And then there's The Elusive Samurai, which surprised me despite the identifying badge of being a Shonen Jump title.

The production manages to use various tools to create unique moments that stand out visually, producing that world that is on the borderline with pure fantasy while remaining historical fiction.

I always favor historical fiction so it did not take much for this show to attract my attention. Since the wait for more is going to take a while, it's likely that I'll switch to the manga. But at the very least I'm happy I gave the anime a shot.

10. Spice and Wolf: MERCHANT MEETS THE WISE WOLF / Kinnikuman Perfect Origin arc

A bizarre pairing but both of the shows are deserving of that position right on the edge, where I want to talk a little bit about them.

For most people who could care a Spice and Wolf show did not offer much at all, probably. They had already seen the original back in the 'aughts. However it happens that I had not. So not only I benefited from the new production, I also enjoyed a story that was new to me.

And so I did. It is a story that is nowadays very unusual among the many other seasonal shows. Episodic, low on action, quiet. The heart and soul of the show are scenes of conversation and that is fantastic.

The back and forth between the titular Spice and Wolf feels unusual for anime, a more mature interaction that isn't as charged with expected fan-service appeal. Through it the mystery of Holo unfolds little by little, as we take the perspective of the patient Lawrence who is ready to listen to her but won't push her to explain anything.

Studio Passione did a decent job with the show's appearance, perhaps containing their worst tendencies to over-exaggerate some things.

And then.

After hearing the news that a new Kinnikuman show was arriving, I realized that... Kinnikuman had continued. Due to the dub version of Nisei annoying me as it was the dub of the American adaptation, I always avoided that sequel. But I was glad to find out that the creative duo Yudetamago had also taken into consideration the Nisei dead-end and started an increasingly divergent path that continued the story from the end of the original Kinnikuman manga. So, of course, I re-read the whole thing.

Kinnikuman is a thing that is very much the true spirit of Shonen Jump. A shameless sequence of exciting nonsense full of dumb gags and constant retcons. At one point the villains steal the heroes' friendship, which was stored inside a box. It's brilliant.

However it's also very casually racist. Characters like Ramenman live between being admirable and a cartoonish parody of a Chinese person. Geronimo has an incredible story about aspiring to be a superhero while being a normal human, but also he's a cartoonish parody of an Apache (maybe, doubt the authors originally thought about which tribe is he actually from). Brocken Jr dresses up like his nazi father.

I would call it a very childish way to portray other people that could fly easily in the 70s and early 80s. It's there and it's part of the lifeblood of the series, so I have to do the due diligence and mention it.

Perfect Origin Arc started in the 2010s, so at the very least I expect more sensitivity out of it. The anime at the very least adjusted Brocken Jr's uniform so it looked less like... what it is.

I enjoyed the show quite a bit because it managed to provide me with more of the original manga's nonsense and fun surprises. Completely ridiculous characters figuring out how to fight other completely ridiculous characters is simply Just Fun. I'm not particularly into wrestling but this is when I can understand the fans of that the most.

The arc also brings back the Devil Chojin, something I could appreciate more because I had recently done the re-read. And it makes all of them shine.

Poor Buffaloman rejoins the Devil Chojin but has to pretend to be fully into their camp since he is still clearly a Justice Chojin to the core.

I await the next season so I can be surprised by even more unexpected reversals and crazy tricks and powers.

9. The dangers in my heart s2

I will keep repeating how I'm vulnerable to starting something with a negative impression and then the impression turning around. My appreciation always overcompensates. This series benefits greatly from it because not only it manages to grow past the initial awful premise, but also it makes "growing up" a core theme.

The way the series deals with the protagonist slowly maturing and realizing he is put me in mind of, specifically, a couple of novels I really liked in my youth. Vasconcelos' "My Sweet Orange Tree" and its direct sequel "Let's Warm Up The Sun" (my own attempt at awkward translation for that one). Both follow the lonely thoughts of a child growing up in modest poverty and later on adopted by a wealthier family but still in disconnect with his peers and himself as he goes through adolescence. The self-centered perspective and extreme drama it creates echoes in all works as we can easily place this in the "coming of age" category.

But the series offers me another favorite: a dual perspective in a romance. Not only we remain in Ichitaka Kyotaro's head, we can also spy from the very beginning that Yamada Anna's behavior accuses her own inner feelings about the world in general but also about this classmate of hers that she happens to find herself interested in. Even though she is the more demonstrative of the two regarding her feelings, she still keeps as much as Kyotaro bottled up. Her fears and anxieties are always at the bursting point. And that's where he can understand her and offer the reassurance that he himself has isolated from.

The anime improves on the manga with ease, rearranging each episode to keep a consistent theme and the satisfying beat of taking a step forward in the path to growing up.

It's also -really funny. so there's also that.

8. Astro Note

In this position I'm playing favorites to explain why I placed this show so high. For one it's an Original. But the other side of that coin is the obvious inspiration in Maison Ikkoku and generally the romcoms of the late 80s.

Astro Note is a show that probably flew under most radars since it's not exactly easy to grasp what it is doing. It's hard not to just compare it to "a Rumiko Takahashi remix" given the already mentioned main inspiration for the romantic comedy aspects, but also the sci-fi components bring forth an Urusei Yatsura quality.

The cast of tenants in the titular Astro Note lodging is quite colorful and entertaining, each of them providing their own brand of silliness to spice up the dynamics in the house.

The two-faced idol, who provides some musical bits and drunken slob comedy.

The jobless salaryman and his precocious child who not only open the path to a story about adoption and the love of a found family, but also explores the child's interest in reflecting about their gender identity. The fact that the overly concerned father agrees to let them experiment but only at home and that compromise is seen as not enough is an interesting and unexpected path to explore. It doesn't take up a lot of the show's run time but I liked seeing it.

Then there's the elderly resident who laments the passing former Manager and dear friend.

And the extremely shy girl who slowly left her room to find that the man she loved had moved in.

The main couple is formed between a chef seeking a place to belong and an alien princess who is only there to find a token from her galactic kingdom that would allow her to inherit according to the strict customs that keep her from exploring her newfound pleasure in experimenting things for herself. Namely: food.

It is simply a pleasant and fun romance with a solid and exciting conclusion.

7. Makeine: Too Many Losing Heroines!

With a name like that it was simply impossible for me not to watch this show.

As someone who has consumed many a romcom back in the day, I recognized a pattern in my behavior that kept making me root for the most obvious "losing heroines". Those characters that have an honest interest in the protagonist and try their best to break their shell and appeal. But ultimately fall to the fateful power of The Main Heroine

So, how about a show where -all the heroines are losing heroines-? A collection of notable weirdo losers that completely fail to grab the attention of the people they like. Not through a fault of their own but rather because they are too late to act, too slow to openly reveal their feelings.

To accompany them on this ride we have the Tepid Water of Protagonists, Nukumizu. We are obviously expecting him to pick up the pieces and end up with any one of these losers. But Nukumizu's role in the story is mainly to be a companion first to these girls who are Going Through It. From his own cowardice and slowness to act or reflect on his feelings Nukumizu prioritizes offering a shoulder for them to lean on as they are rejected.

Another very enjoyable aspect of the show is the Literature Club activities which allow us to peer into the world of those people who publish their stories to Absolutely Not Shosetsuka Ni Narou. A collection of web novel / light novel gags and parodies keep providing funny gags and mild critiques of the space this story itself shares.

Another strong point that should not go unmentioned is the show's visual style. The moody palette really makes the show stand out above the rest. Though it also puts their full effort into... honestly unnecessary fanservice scenes. This show feels better than *that*. But ah well, it's there.

I hope the show returns soon.

6. Mayonaka Punch

From the dead of night, good morning! Mayonaka PUNCH!

A completely unexpected original show with a very fun premise that deals with a glamorous but mundane thing while also incorporating fantasy concepts largely for comedy's sake.

Masaki is a youtuber, in trade and in essence. She's always thinking about new ideas for videos and doing her best to execute them at the best of her ability, editing and all. However this makes her a very tense person, as she's constantly faced with the unpredictable whims and cruelty of the internet. Which comes to a boil when her frustration turns a casual argument into a shouting match and, finally... She ends up punching her partners live on stream. The girls she had been friends with and working with for years turn their backs on her, dropping her as fast as they could to get rid of the weight of the public perception as a toxic person.

But when she's at her lowest point she runs into... a vampire! Called Live! And she REALLY wants to taste Masaki's blood. But she needs her consent. So Masaki has a condition. Live will help her launch a new youtube channel... and if they hit 1 million subscribers... She can be Live's meal.

This is the basic premise and it doesn't stray much further from this. The introduction of Live's mansion and the other vampires that live with her extend the cast and introduces more fun personalities to work stories with. Episodes slowly show the channel's development but also a couple focus on the other vampires and their very vampire-like way of suffering tragedy. A stand out episode devotes to Fu, the shy one in the group, who is invited to sing for the show but declines the chance. And this makes the others learn about a chance she missed to be able to do music with another woman, stopped by her concern about being found out as a vampire if she stepped on the limelight. But that very essence is what allows her to forever keep thinking about that partner she betrayed.

A very funny, very energetic show, that still manages to hit key emotional beats with ease.

5. Puniru is a Kawaii slime

Lately I end up gravitating towards shows that have some of the energy from 80s or 90s shows far more than more current ones.

Luckily for me those seem to be proliferating.

Puniru is a Corocoro show, which means it's aiming for a younger audience than the average Shonen Jump and etc series. As it's sometimes said, it's "peepee poopoo humor". And sometimes the simplest humor just hits best.

The show shines by having a cast of All Idiots who are constantly acting dumb in their own special ways.

Our Kawaii protagonist (not the slime) is suffering from growing pains and is overly concerned about revealing his personal preference for cutesy things, instead trying very hard to appear "cool" in front of his crush. This is however a partial lie because he actually doesn't try very hard at anything. We have a Nobita who thinks highly of himself in comparison to his companion but does absolutely nothing deserving of attention or recognition.

Meanwhile the titular Puniru is the archetype of the Nosy Annoying Character. Puniru proudly proclaims their cuteness at every possible opportunity. They simply cannot believe they could be considered to be not cute. And most of the world definitely agrees... but not Kotaro. Puniru wants him to admit it as he used to when he was younger. Puniru is, also and by the way, a slime. Mixing some borax and laundry starch we somehow ended up creating life. Their form is very flexible and quite sticky. This also allows Puniru to mix in additional ingredients to perform a transformation into various shapes and costumes... As long as they are Cute.

We round up the cast by having...

Mami, the love interest, who has a deep love for performing the role of a mother. She needs to be in jail.

Nanpa! Initially thought to be a sort of PUA type, Nanpa is not a playboy. He's a play boy (I completely stole this equivalent wordplay from someone else, but it's perfect). Nanpa is completely committed to enjoying youthful passions to the extreme. He doesn't think about how old he is, he just loves to have fun with his toys and children's card games.

Alice fulfills the spot of the haughty rich kid, but her loneliness comes forth clearly in all her actions. She is dedicated to making the friend she imagined in childhood into a worldwide appreciated mascot just like her dad's company's Kyuthi-chan (essentially Hello Kitty). Seeing Puniru she also wishes her Runrune was alive, which ends up in her personal maid creating a simple toy robot Runrune who disappoints her by proving to be Just A Toy.

That robot who later gets a separate name, Runru, seems to have a plot cooking up...

In short, it's a very silly show with very fun visual gags that are only mildly gross in their sliminess.

4. Ranma 1/2 (2024) / Urusei Yatsura season 2 (2024)

How am I writing about two mega classics of manga and anime showing up in 2024? How is it possible that my first favorite series is back and once again shining as bright as it could?

It's not like this list isn't just my personal bias from start to finish, but this entry is definitely the most biased of all. Rumiko Takahashi's works have been with me for almost 30 years.

The year started with the last of the new Urusei Yatsura. Colorful and energetic, it properly represented the dynamism in Takahashi's pages. Some people were at odds regarding the stories chosen, but I had a blast with all the hijinks regardless. It seemed to give Ryunosuke as much time as possible which felt like a hint that Ranma might happen later... And, SURPRISE!

I can't say much else about UY that isn't just describing. Explosive comedy of horrible people being horrible with occasional moments of emotional sincerity.

I expected the show to end in the Fate Doors arc as it is a proper capstone for the spirit of the series: "Ataru does love Lum but he just wants to play around". But they did end in the very final arc which had the grandiose feel of a movie.

Ranma, it's just Ranma. Eye opening at the time in many ways, it's still at its core a very funny series about a bunch of horrible people being amusingly horrible. The Takahashi formula of comedy never fails!

Childish Ranma butts heads with the equally stubborn Akane while the swirling spirit of martial arts chaos envelops them. The ever expanding cast only adds more and more characters to yell more and louder.

The new show brought back the original anime's cast back and the growth in their voices is palpable. With hindsight they are able to enhance the things that matter most, so we're getting a Ranma that plays the emotional beats with a much richer depth than the first time around.

I hope the show fuels a new generation's fantasies and once again illuminates how much of gender is purely performative.

3. Oshi no Ko season 2

The show's first season was my number one for 2023.

By the time I'm writing the list the manga has been over for some months. And it was an ending I found quite unsatisfying.

But I don't believe the diminished position is connected to that and it's simply that my preferences found other things to focus on.

Because this second season was absolutely fantastic. The theater play arc is likely my favorite one in all of the manga, and the anime made it shine while taking into account the irony of an adaptation playing the story of an adaptation.

The cast of actors get to show off their different acting philosophies while the production meets trouble after trouble because of adaptation woes and later on from the author of the original work directly.

That this all connects to the first season's brief Drama arc only makes things better. The bonds between Akane and Kana shine through as they shift from rivals to admirer and idol and back to rivals, professionally and romantically.

The plot at large also continues as the arc wraps up but foreknowledge prevents me from enjoying those parts as much as I could if I counted on ignorance.

Despite the disappointment I do want to keep watching how the show handles the rest of the story.

2. Dungeon Meshi

And talking about adaptations... here's another one that knocks it out of the park. Studio Trigger keeps doing their best work when they have help from outside writers. And Ryoko Kui served them a magnificent story to work with.

In years where dozens of series about fantasy worlds with game mechanics flood the pages and screens, Dungeon Meshi does the same thing but in a different universe of quality entirely. The gaming inspirations for the setting and mechanics are clear, but the author makes everything their own by being completely earnest.

The theme of "meals" is woven incredibly well through the entire story, connecting all the characters little by little as they can all join the same "table" and share the same food.

An excellent cast of characters with plenty of depth and full backstories help the show keep its feet on the ground at all times.

And, of course, the comedy glues everything together and keeps it as Fun as it could be.

Hopefully next year I'll be able to write more about why I love this story so much, when a second season ends the show.

1. Brave Bang Bravern

There was no way for this show not to be my number one.

Bravern is a show that was custom made for me.

It plays both ends of the mecha spectrum, with the military tragedy on one side and the BRAVE heroism on the other.

It's a comedy. It's a romance.

It's simply beautiful.

Masami Obari worked on this project and tried to play a prank on the audience by making it seem that the show was going to be -just- the military side. And nearing the end of the episode I was quite pleased with how things were going! But as the end was approaching BRAVERN! arrived and completely changed everything. In a few seconds the discombobulated Isami was riding inside the colorful talking hero robot, teaming up to save the world against an alien threat.

The name quite clearly shows that Bravern is inspired by the many shows in the Brave series that Obari worked on through the years.

And to add to that the companionship between the human and robot turns to straight up romance, as Bravern is openly fixated on Isami. This creates a tiny romantic triangle as fellow pilot Smith was also smitten with Isami's bravery in the military exercise they shared before the invading alien forces hit the planet.

The family circle expands when Smith finds a strange young girl who only talks in "beeps" (GAGA PIII!) and was being used by the invading robots as a disposable battery for enhanced power. Smith ends up taking care of her and she gets to quickly grow up and becomes part of the team of two dads, an additional robot dad and one robot uncle.

Blow by blow Isami and Smith find an understanding and Isami also manages to do the same for Bravern, all of their bonds growing ever closer.

A subtle but very ingenious component is naming the invaders "Death Drives", which helps create a very psychoanalytic tale (even more material to appeal to my very specific tastes).

The show simply has it all and it remains the most fun I've ever had with a weekly series in the entire year.

Well, that's it. Go home!

A "special" list is forthcoming Soon (tm).

[lesmurples]

I rewatched season 1 of Our Flag Means Death after getting bored with Veilguard, and I was surprised by how many similar character types and themes the two (loosely) share:

Therapy-speak loving mediator as the leader of a ragtag group of mismatched weirdos

A character realizing their nonbinary identity

Background elements of colonialism/imperialism and slavery which our intrepid heroes must resist

Queer found family vibes (tho with DATV the queerness is mostly incidental and does not seem to inform the characterizations much)

Pirates are there

Except while these are some of my favorite aspects of OFMD, I despise how they’re executed in DATV. The overwhelming corporate stink on Veilguard really interferes with the writing’s ability to talk about queer or anti-colonial themes meaningfully.

Comparing the two has actually helped me work through what it is that bothers me about the lackluster character writing of Veilguard and how it could have been better (besides, yaknow, comparing it against the much better-written previous games - they were far from perfect, but god Veilguard makes them look amazing by comparison). To be fair, I’ve yet to finish the game, but I’m privy to like, 50 hours worth of content at this point between playing myself and watching my sister’s playthrough, so if the game finally improves on these points after that long it feels like too little too late.

If you want to read a waaaay too long screed comparing these largely unalike properties, then boy oh boy is this the post for you!

1. The therapy speak:

So uh, the thing about OFMD’s anachronistic, HR-approved managerial therapy speak is that it’s a joke. OFMD is a comedy first and foremost, so this fits right in with the overall tone of the show, and it’s pretty damn funny if I say so myself. Watching Stede - this campy, middle-aged, 18th century theater kid - tell a bunch of hardened pirates to talk through their feelings is hilarious. And really all it does is alienate him most of the cast - the first episode is about his crew planning to mutiny and kill him as a result of his bizarre behavior.

But, as time goes on and Stede and the crew work through hardships and get to know each other a little better, they form a bond of trust and learn how to communicate more effectively. Stede still tries to mediate and resolve conflicts peacefully among the crew, but more directly and with less artifice, while the crew grows more patient with him and realizes the potential benefit of some of his ideas. It’s pretty basic character progression writing overall, but it’s competently executed, which is more than I can say for Veilguard.

In Veilguard, Rook’s youth pastor energy as they mediate every petty squabble between their teammates casts a bland veneer over a deeply bland cast of characters. Disregarding the fact that Rook is the most milquetoast DA protagonist by far, their involvement in every character interaction leaves me feeling like I’m meeting with HR, and not in a funny way. And Rook seems to attract HR-approved pep talks just as much as they dole them out, particularly from Varric but also from Solas and Morrigan of all people. It’s pep talks all the way down!

Where this flavor of therapy speak was used with intention in OFMD to say something about the characters (and to get a laugh), here its purpose just seems to be to nip all interpersonal conflicts in the bud so our cast can be a big happy family. Teamwork! Yay! Except we started with everyone on the team being more-or-less cordial coworkers, and then we end on them being… more cordial? A bit friendlier? There’s no meaningful progression for the audience to enjoy, no real change. Every argument starts bland and it ends bland, and the few that are allowed to continue through companion dialogue are so inconsequential as to be pointless.

The previous DA games had an obvious fix for this: make the characters socially and politically opposed to each other and let them duke it out, all while having to maintain an alliance against a common enemy. The player could get in on this too if they disagreed with someone - twas a grand time. These interpersonal conflicts were a microcosm of the larger political conflicts of the story, and it allowed the characters to explore the influence of their respective cultures upon their current viewpoints. The progression and tension thus hinged on whether the influence of other characters was able to change their perspective, and if it did, what the consequences would be. A somewhat different emphasis when compared to OFMD, but both understand that allowing your characters to come into conflict with each other and resolve it over time is far more engaging than fixing every little issue right off the bat. This isn’t a sitcom where we need to resolve family tensions before the half-hour mark - it’s an 80+ hour game.

(oh god i swear i’ll try not to make every entry this long)

2. The nonbinary identity storyline:

Alright, there is one thing I like about Veilguard (shocking I know), and it’s the option to be trans/nonbinary. I’m nonbinary and have never played an rpg where that was an option before, so that was pretty dope. I think Bioware’s approach to nonbinary and trans inclusion in the character creator was fairly well done and reasonably flexible - definitely better than the trans options in Cyberpunk at any rate. I also like that we have a nonbinary companion, especially since I totally called it when Taash was revealed and felt super smart and vindicated. The execution of Taash’s nonbinary journey though… eh. It’s mostly left me kinda cold.

I won’t be the first to state that the use of modern terminology for nonbinary gender identity is offputting in this setting, and others have explained it far better than I could. It’s a missed opportunity to think through the question of what gender really means in this setting across different cultures (beyond some lip-service to the Qunari being strict about it, which besides being a retcon doesn’t really tell us much), and whether there are existing nonbinary spaces that would potentially align with Taash’s experience of the world, rather than having one transplanted from our modern sensibility. Third genders have existed irl throughout history and are embedded within cultural understandings of gender, and interpreting Taash’s gender through a more historical and/or speculative mode that better fit the setting would feel far less alienating. As it is, Taash’s story just doesn’t seem to fit comfortably in this world, not least because we’re having them discover their identity rather than already have an understanding of it. Their self-discovery story feels out of place in a narrative focused on a high-stakes, end of the world scenario, unless I’m missing something. It reads more like a fanfic that was accidentally tacked onto the source material. (I love fanfic, but the tone just doesn’t mesh here.)

This is perhaps why the writers felt the need to connect Taash’s gender journey with their bicultural experience, which… hoo boy, that didn’t go well. We have to make a binary choice for which of a nonbinary character’s cultural ties should be discarded? Disregarding the fact that this is not how culture fucking works, why are we making this decision for another person? This is the Cole situation all over again, but worse.

Our Flag Means Death, on the other hand, gives us Jim. Jim has lived most of their life presenting as an AFAB woman, but when the show starts is in hiding as a cis man with a fake nose and beard. After their disguise is revealed, Jim goes through the awkward process of addressing the cis dude-heavy crew’s inane questions about them “being a woman now,” indicating that they’re not really sure if they are one. They tell the rest of the crew to treat them like normal and continue calling them Jim, and that’s that. From then on, they’re referred to with they/them pronouns - maybe they had a talk with everyone about it off-screen, or maybe the show wanted to lean on a sort-of magical realism vibe where everyone just knows Jim goes by those pronouns now. Either way, it fits within the tone of the show and doesn’t need to take up much more space than that. We later see where Jim grew up and learn about their background getting trained by an assassin-nun to murder her family’s killers - we got bigger fish to fry.

Does every queer identity story need to be handled like this? Of course not - there’s space for a range of queer stories, whether the queerness be incidental or integral, discovered or established. In OFMD’s case, they perhaps could have spoken more about Jim’s nonbinary experience and how it fits into the setting, but they didn’t really need to. They established what they wanted to about Jim’s identity, and they decided not to go into the issue of misgendering from that point forward. I personally like how normalized it makes Jim’s presence feel, even if they perhaps could have done more. But OFMD is a limited series about a large ensemble cast of different queer folks, and they chose to be economical about how some of those queer identities were communicated onscreen.

Dragon Age is likewise made up with an ensemble cast, and considering its high stakes end-of-the-world plot line, maybe it should’ve taken a leaf out of OFMD’s book and not spent quite so much time on Taash’s personal gender journey when we could’ve focused on something a bit more outwardly relevant (a big ask for Veilguard’s very personalized, individualistic style of character writing). We could have certainly related their sideplot back to their gender, but there had to be a better middle ground than what we got.

Anyway, while OFMD is fairly comfortable with anachronism, limiting the explanatory dialogue for Jim and other characters’ identities probably also helped to not break immersion. Bioware likely didn’t want to go this route for Taash, but if I might make a suggestion for our consideration: Krem. Krem was a great example of an integrated trans character who talked about his experience through the context of the culture he grew up in. Turns out, it’s very doable, and in a Dragon Age game no less.

(oh god they’re all going to be this long aren’t they, what have i done)

3. Background colonialism/imperialism and slavery:

Something that Veilguard and OFMD have in common is that the wider context of colonization, imperial conquest, and slavery that each story takes place in is more-or-less kept to the background. The characters and plots are certainly informed by this context, but the main storylines don’t often engage with it directly. And herein lies the problem: this is arguably an appropriate approach for OFMD given its comedic tone, while for Dragon Age - considering that its previous installments engaged very directly with these themes - it reeks of erasure and sanitization.

Hell, OFMD engages far more directly and frequently with these themes than Veilguard’s bloated, 80+ hour runtime, and it’s a 2-season long TV show! It’s 20 hours total at most! It explores the heterosexism of settler colonialism that chased a very gay Stede away from home, the racism and classism of the English naval crew they encounter, the power and constant threat of colonial fleets, the fact that colonizers have been slaughtering indigenous peoples, the presence and mistreatment of African slaves, and so on. They do this all while avoiding direct depictions of traumatic colonial violence, but they don’t shy away from its presence.

This has been argued to death by the community at this point, so I’ll try not to go too far into it, but Dragon Age as a series has always been interested in sociopolitical conflict and systemic oppression. It pulls quite a lot of influence from real-life history - one could say too much, perhaps - to create a fantasy world informed predominantly by the sociological forces of hierarchical society.

Past games have struggled to portray DA’s analogies for real-life racism unproblematically, but I don’t think the answer was to cast them aside or minimize their presence in Veilguard. This only trivializes the systemic oppression of this world retroactively; elven enslavement and oppression (especially in Tevinter) and Tal Vashoth and Qunari as otherized minorities are barely a blip on the radar of the game that is a) heavily focused on Solas’s past as a freer of elven slaves and b) set in goddamn Tevinter, where both elven enslavement is widespread and a longstanding war with the Qunari is still ongoing.

Yes, these story elements been handled poorly in the past, particularly with how elves mirror both African enslavement and Indigenous oppression in a way that creates unfortunate connotations when written carelessly, and how the Qunari have orientalist, Islamophobic undertones. They should not be portrayed through violent, traumatic scenes or within the same problematic scope as previous games, but they should not have been minimized to the extent that they were. It’s a structural writing issue if nothing else - the foundations of Dragon Age’s worldbuilding rely so heavily upon these forms of systemic oppression that removing and minimizing them makes the story incoherent. These elements cannot be written out of the story without completely transforming it, and because they were not willing to do that with Veilguard, we’re left with a gutted husk of a story missing most of its core elements.

Couldn’t we have just, you know, hired some sensitivity readers? Or - god forbid - BIPOC writers? Christ.

4. Queer found family vibes:

This one is bit of a stretch since the characters of Veilguard are not brought together through shared experiences of queerness; rather, they are collected randomly like Pokemon from all over the globe for their dubious skills. However, I do believe the writers are clumsily implementing found family tropes whenever you gather your team together, and they are all queer by default so that Rook can fuck them no matter what. At least that Dragon Age staple was respected if nothing else - The Characters Must Be Fuckable.

But I do think this is why we’ve been saddled with all this corporate HR team-building therapy-speak throughout the game: someone on the writing team thought this is how you write that found family thing the kids these days are so crazy about. Everyone’s super supportive all the time, no one fights too much, and when they do your character steps in to correct them (you do not get a choice in this - all of your dialogue options as Rook are effectively the same mediating bullshit). They’re all growing into a happy little family, and isn’t that sweet. Except that none of these characters are fully fleshed out because that would require giving them backgrounds that connect to the story’s wider lore and worldbuilding, and the writing team were either unwilling to do this or incapable because of production restraints. So it’s really just a bland group of pretty people being blandly nice or blandly rude to each other all throughout this bland, bloated game.

All that said, maybe we could’ve had a (queer) found family at the center of this game and actually made it work. There’s no law that says there have to be people on your Dragon Age team who will never get along or are too politically opposed to ever see eye to eye (even though I vastly prefer that in a DA story and think it reflects the series’ themes better *cough*). Absolution did a decent job of it from what I remember, though I think there were still a few conflicts between the members of that team that were used to communicate worldbuilding to us - that’s what character conflicts in Dragon Age mostly do. That is the narrative function they serve, and it’s not surprising to me that in a game with minimized companion conflicts, we likewise find minimized overall worldbuilding with respect to the various cultures of the current setting.

Anyway.

To be fair to Veilguard, I do not think we needed everyone’s entire life story in order to successfully execute the found family trope. Take Our Flag Means Death - the only character we really get much backstory for is Stede, with Jim coming in second at my estimation, and Blackbeard third. You don’t really find out that much about their histories overall, and you learn barely anything about the rest of the crew. For example, we know Lucius used to lie to his mother that he liked girls and was a bit of a pickpocket, which was not cute - and that’s all we get for him. We can infer that he was probably upper crust to a degree since he’s literate (and just from his overall vibe), but that’s about it, and the other characters are much the same.

The thing is, while I would welcome more information about the OFMD crew, I don’t actually need it. The characters are portrayed in such a way that you can infer most of what you need to know about them through the actor’s overall performance. OFMD was blessed with a wonderful cast who do an excellent job acting both scripted lines and the heavy amount of improv that was encouraged on set. Their character voices are finely honed and well-delivered, and so I’m able to get a strong sense of who these characters are, what motivates them, and how they relate with each other through their well-executed sense of voice.

Veilguard struggles quite heavily with character voice. The companions as written have some distinct qualities, but they never really have much life behind them. Davrin comes the closest to having a naturalistic voice, and I think it’s because he’s a self-serious straight man (comedically, not heterosexually). The rest of the cast relies on much more exaggerated and whimsical character tropes - a noir detective, a quirky gadget whizz, a perky necromancer, etc. - and the character writing just cannot summon level of energy these characters would usually have. We’re given a few fluff scenes with them that are sweet, but outside of that, none of these characters actually have much personality. Taash comes close with their moody teen affect, but it never quite sits well within their character arc, so it often feels incongruous.

And this brings me to my most damning criticism of the game: it is not funny. At all. Okay, maybe that’s not fair - it got a few small chuckles out of me within the 50 or so hours I’ve seen/played, but not more than like, 3 times. These characters just aren’t funny. Taash is kinda funny at first, but it dries up pretty quick. The script is just not capable of consistently good comedy. The only real humor I experienced was from Ghilan’nain acting like a goddamn Looney Toon, which was completely unintentional. Like everything else in Veilguard, the humor is bland, bland, bland.

Previous DA companions are brimming with humor, and it’s a huge part of what makes them so enjoyable. Comedy does a lot of work endearing you to a character, and you can use it in a variety of ways - it can highlight their cleverness, or reveal vulnerabilities and undercut them, or create chemistry or tension between multiple characters, all while giving the audience a sense of surprised pleasure that opens them up to connect with the characters emotionally. With a story as busy and occasionally dark as Dragon Age, using humor helps to quickly endear the audience to your characters and encourage engagement in their stories, while also releasing tension after harsher story beats.

It also works the other way around - when tragedy comes or characters are made to suffer, it can hit that much harder because you’ve become so endeared to them. When the Grey Wardens fail to halt the blight at Ostagar in Origins and are all but wiped out, the sense of loss is best communicated through Alistair, who up until this point has been a friendly, wise-cracking presence at your side. Seeing his grief and sense of despair in contrast to his usual good humor signals what’s been lost better than just being told, and because we are (assumedly) endeared to Alistair through his humorous attitude, we can empathize with his struggle and feel the weight of this story beat more effectively. It’s also shockingly, darkly funny when Morrigan is completely unsympathetic and later calls him a whiny pissbaby for missing all his dead friends. This helps to transition us out of the previous scene’s lower mood, and it tells us a lot about her character and her dynamic with Alistair.

And humor is an extremely valuable tool in executing the (queer) found family trope. Humor not only does a lot of work for characterization (especially with a larger ensemble cast), but it can also signal comfort and trust between characters, as well as highlight tensions without fully compromising the feeling of security offered by the found family. If tragedy strikes, it then offers a contrast against the usual comedic tone that can emphasize a scene’s drama to good effect. Humor isn’t absolutely necessary to pull this off, but it’s highly effective at establishing characters and their relationships quickly and enjoyably, and so it can be a valuable tool for large casts and plot-heavy stories where you have limited time to spend learning about each character.

Comedy is subjective, and so maybe Veilguard’s humor works for you in a way it doesn’t for me. Likewise, maybe the humor of the previous games and even OFMD don’t work for you the way they do for me. However, my main sense of Veilguard is that less investment was put into any comedy writing as versus the previous games. Less time is given for jokes, both in character dialogue and in the outer world, from what I’ve seen of it (I cannot imagine anything like the Golden Nug merchant in Orlais happening in this game). At best we get sorta sarcastic comments from Rook, but even Rook’s “funny” dialogue option only prompts any kind of humorous or sarcastic response like, maybe half the time. The writing staff just did not prioritize humor in this game seemingly at all, either by choice or necessity.

Add to this the lack of character depth and detail with all your companions, and they just have nothing for you to grab onto. They have so much potential with their quirky, surface-level descriptions, but no one did the work to flesh them out or make them engaging. Good humor or a strong character voice could have saved them even with the lack of detail and dimension, but it’s just not there. And because there is no real depth, detail, or good humor to unite the characters with each other, the found family trope falls flat and every interaction just feels like an office event.

If you like queer found family feels and haven’t seen Our Flag Means Death, check it out - highly recommend it. That show nails found family like a fuckin pro, doesn’t even break a sweat. And it’s gay as fuck.

5. Pirates:

Both have pirates. I vastly prefer the OFMD pirates over the Lords of Fortune tho. In case you were wondering.

OKAY. This insanely long post must end. It started as a thought experiment to see what we could learn from OFMD’s successes and if they could be applied to Veilguard, and then it turned into me giving unsolicited writing advice. All I can really add is to tell you that any time I’m playing or watching Veilguard, I’d rather be watching Our Flag Means Death.

Or playing the other DA games. They were pretty good. Yes, even Inquisition - at least Inquisition was funny.

[cyclesprefectpress]

hey hoo how's everybody doing. personally, not my best couple of months on record! and regrettably the first thing i drop when i get stressed is. text messages and social media accounts. which is ok but i've been delinquent on the online business management front and i feel i've been quiet here which i am sorry about because i do like talking about printing.

anyway i've got a bunch of WIP stuff piled up that I'm trying to get to! and some new projects i'd really like to finish this month. and i've also been doing a lot of long press feeds & many hours drawing on the light table and you know what this qualifies me to do. rate things on netflix (but ONLY if you aren't watching the screen):

dangerous lies: perfect non-watching watch experience. boy is it dumb but i always knew what was going on and also what was about to happen. the only thing i couldn't resist ogling was their fucking apartment which was SO big and tidily furnished when they're supposed to be barely making it financially. insane. 9/10

hypnotic: unfortunately this one is fun & good & doesn't waste your time with bad dialogue & i kept wanting to look up and pay attention to Kate Siegel's beautiful face which loses it points by this metric. 6/10

the boy next door: can you tell yet that i'm eternally searching for an erotic thriller that will stack up to Fatal Attraction. and failing. the problem is none of em have glenn close in em. this one sucks nuts 4/10

you get me: this is not what the erotic thriller is FOR. i want full adults torpedoing their own households and careers. teens making horny stupid decisions is just tuesday and the soundtrack is quite bad. 3/10

the nest: definitely not for not-watching. nobody is explaining themselves clearly for the audience or each other. it's also not at all scary, which was a surprise, but that's on me for having a one-note watching history and forgetting that dramas exist. 0/10, i sat down and watched it for real a day later and liked it quite a bit

deadly illusions: it's no Chloe but it is some very fun, greasy diner food of a movie. 8/10

the deliverance: hmmmmmmmm………………many people have more important opinions than me on this subject. i'll just say i was having a pretty nice time with some of the performances UNTIL i learned at the end that it was also about real people. so was the original Exorcist, distantly, and the distance sure does fucking help. 2/10

wild things: honestly a little hard to track what's happening without watching, because it's actually good & fun & there's like. real environmental details and mystery clues. good gravy it's crazy how hot Neve Campbell is all the time forever. 5/10, i was compelled to look up from my work table a lot

five star chef: completely bizarre conspicuous consumption experience. it's actually kind of nice not looking at the screen because i think the fullness of the view would make it way more uncomfortable. 7/10

selling sunset: unfortunately an extremely good non-watching show. now in a group i advocate for looking at the despicable houses together and tearing the decor to pieces, but as long as you're alone it is once again an improvement not to actually see the dollars and energy being dunked in the garbage and set on fire all over the curséd county of San Diego. glance up once every 10 minutes to see what they're wearing and you're gucci. 8/10

the perfect couple: a little challenging to follow at first if you're mostly identifying people by voices, but fun! nicole kidman is a delight; idk Eve Hewson from anything else but her character is made of uncooked spaghetti. as a person without Private Island Money i must protest for us, we're not generally this boring about it. 7/10

evil: netflix has been pestering me to watch this show for so long. they were right. it's bad & it scratches the monster of the week itch & the speed with which it simply, linguistically equates psychopath=literally possessed by demons is absolutely wild. i am currently stymied by the episode where they visit a monastery that's taken a vow of silence but someday i'll look up a summary and get past it. 6/10

culinary class wars (dubbed): i hadn't tried reality tv dubbing before and you know what, it's fine!! it does the job. there's absolutely no localization to make the jokes work in english or anything but that's a-ok. i really like the structure of this competition for some reason, and if the very annoying Class Warfare trappings make you uncomfortable like they did for me, be assured, they drop off pretty steeply after the first round and the actual participating chefs are perfectly respectful to each other. 10/10

[futchmemes]

WARNING discussion of body image and weight gain and unhealthy thoughts thereof ahead

i’ve always been really skinny my whole life and it’s so fucked up what that does to you wrt how people talk about your body. i had adults complimenting me on being skinny since i was literally 6 years old. can you imagine walking up to an elementary school kid and going “i wish i was as skinny as you are” when you’re 30+ years old cause i can’t. but anyway that and my eye color was basically the only thing people ever complimented me on when i was young and now that i’m an adult gaining weight because that’s a normal thing that happens in your 20s my brain is in a very bizarre state about it. some part of my brain is having a fucking identity crisis over it because if i’m not the Small Skinny One then who am i? if i lose one of the two things anyone ever compliments me about then i have nothing and i’m not attractive anymore which means im worthless, obviously. but i’ve also always been insecure about being flat chested and now i have bigger boobs. and during my depressive episode a few years ago i was losing weight and it scared me so i know this is healthier, since i’ve always been right on the edge of being underweight. so like. i genuinely don’t know what i feel about this. i feel more like An Adult Woman than i ever have and i actually really like the physical feeling of having more body fat but i also feel my body go cold when i see 130 on the scale instead of 115 and i keep getting extremely self conscious about my stomach. i outgrew a bunch of my clothes and every time i find a new thing that doesn’t fit i want to cry. but then i realize a shirt looks better with my boobs now. i’m mostly pleased but feel a beast in my subconscious waiting for me to gain enough that i’ll freak out and develop an ed. what do i even call that

edit because i feel like i wasn’t specific: i acknowledge that i’m still skinny by all accounts, my bmi is smack in the middle of the “healthy weight” zone (ik it’s bullshit but still) and i’m not by any means fat. but when you go from being one of the skinniest people in any given room who’s buying nothing but size XS-S or size 0-2 clothes to being like, a normal weight in the middle of the straight-size range it feels drastic. especially when you grow up in a misogynist society obsessed with girls’ appearances and you forcibly integrate any compliment you get with your self image. anyway it fucking sucks that we make girls (everyone to some degree but particularly girls) feel so incredibly invested maintaining the weight of a literal child that when they inevitably start gaining weight as an adult they freak the fuck out

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

"i mean, they were just an anon 😭 saying exactly what the previous anon described. i couldn’t find that ask if i wanted to, but it was like, a WAY too in depth analysis of evan’s exes and which physical traits he must like"

okay! i’m asking about this because i think that it might have been me. i’m not as young as you might think - i’m 20. i sent that ask back in march this year. it was a very dark time for me - i was going through a severe depressive episode that followed a suicide attempt, caused by extremely low self-esteem and extreme perfectionism that made it impossible for me to function normally.

back then, i had a terribly unhealthy obsession with evan to the point where i completely tied my self-worth to him and what he might find attractive. i obsessively analyzed his “type,” carefully examining the phenotype he might potentially like in women. i fixated on frances’ beauty, and every time i looked at her, i felt like i was dying inside because she became my ideal of beauty, something i desperately wanted to achieve. it hurt me to think that evan noticed her even though she wasn’t actually famous, but she was beautiful enough for him to be in a relationship with her. around that time, evan also started dating natalie, which just confirmed my suspicions about his potential preferences regarding female beauty.

my thinking back then was heavily influenced by confirmation bias. i created an image in my head of what kind of appearance evan liked, and i hated everything about myself that didn’t match that ideal. it was because of evan that i dyed my hair blonde (although that was much earlier). the thought that i could be the kind of girl evan peters might like was what kept me going. despite being conventionally very pretty, my self-esteem was at rock bottom, and it destroyed me from the inside.

now, looking back, my heart breaks when i think about how much i suffered over something so trivial and insane (because that’s probably how it sounds to all of you). fortunately things are sooo much better now - my boyfriend, the most wonderful person in the world, helped me put my life back together. he changed my mindset and my approach to life, helped me focus on what truly matters, and saved me in every possible way. this huge progress is, of course, also thanks to professional psychological help and therapy.

i’m still a fan of evan and his craft, but it’s much healthier now. i’ve let go of the unhealthy obsession - his dating preferences don’t keep me up at night at all anymore, and my self-esteem is steadily improving and is no longer tied to him. of course, my mental state wasn’t affected solely by evan peters’s type - it’s a much deeper and more complicated topic than i’ve explained here. i just felt an inner need to vent a little (sorry for that), but i hope this long ass essay didn’t bore you too much admin😭 and i hope that you won’t take this bizarre story too negatively. love you all, and thank you to those who managed to read all of this <3

anon, i don't know for sure if that was your ask being referenced, but i truly appreciate your honesty and candidness in talking about this. you're right that it really boils down to something much deeper than evan and his taste in women, and you explained it all very well. i'm sorry you went through that, but i'm glad that you sought help and are doing better - you should be proud of yourself. it's such a hard thing to struggle with self image and self-esteem, and the way those feelings manifest in day to day life. you're right that it isn't trivial at all, and your message didn't bore me. take care anon. 💗

[ani-coolgirl]

I think you'd make good money if you turned one of your fics into an original story by changing the names and such. I have seen people go WILD on social media over the most poorly written abusive-alpha-knots-his-true-mate smut that somehow got published into an actual book. But your writing and sex scenes would drive a lot more people insane, you write so well!

That is so sweet of you! I'm so glad that that you enjoy my writing. It really is incredibly flattering to hear that people think I could write at a professional level. <3 Now, allow me to explain why I'll never, ever do this.

When I write fanfiction, I try my best to keep characters in character. I know that seems obvious, but back in the day there used to be a slash tag used called ATG (Any Two Guys/Girls) indicating that you could swap out the characters involved with just about anyone and not change a thing. I want to avoid that. I want the characters to be so recognizably them to the point if the names were changed due to some bizarre posting accident, people would still be able to point and go, "Oh, that's X and Y."

(On a slight tangent, you'll also find most of my fics are usually Alternate Reality/Canon or Missing Scene rather than Alternate Universes. I personally find toying with canon incredibly satisfying, seeing how much can be changed in small increments while still keeping everything recognizable (mostly in the service of two hotties boning down, lol). This is, of course, the entire premise of the Every First Time series where I do my best to merely tweak the events in episodes rather than make broad changes. That isn't to say I don't do true AUs at all (I have several on the back-burner in fact, and one of my favorite things that I've written is still Cuckoos in Glass Houses), but I'm unlikely to do, say, a straight-up Coffee Shop AU anytime soon.)

Let me be clear, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with AUs or ATG-type fics! Write what you want! It's cool! But what attracts me to fanfiction in the first place is reading stories about characters I already know and love. To me, that's the whole point. So while it may be possible to do the ol' CTRL+H, without a lot of work I still think it'd be really obvious what I've done. As someone who also writes original fiction, I don't think that's the mark of well done story. In original fiction, I think characters should belong to their books so to speak. And while the bar can be pretty low at times (as you rightfully pointed out), I want my stuff to be a little better than that if I can manage it, especially if I'm going to slap my real name on there. If I do have an initially have idea for a fic that later I realize would be suitable for publishing, that story will never, ever see the light of day in fanfiction form.

And, of course, there's the fact that I still struggle immensely with writing anything that's multi-chaptered (fanfiction or original fiction), so making sweet, sweet bank on smutty romance is still a distant dream until I can get my act together. T_T

[thestupidhelmet]

I have a bizarre thought for a while. Do you have any headcanon for Hyde and Brooke if they were to have a thing for each other? Little proficiency that Hyde used to be physically attached to Brooke since he thought she was hot. Just can't help but wonder what look like if they dated. Would appreciate it if you could reply to this message as you want to, Thank you! And I love your T7S context!

Hope you have a speedy recovery! 💕

Thank you! 🤗♥️

I wrote a fanfic where a Hyde/Brooke relationship plays a major role (Jackie Stargazer). The way it happens there is essentially the way I think it could happen with canon characterization (under these specific stressors).

Hyde is consistently -- and conflictingly -- characterized as allosexual and demisexual on the show (regardless of writer intention) in different episodes. Either interpretation is valid, but I view him as demisexual. So him thinking and stating that Brooke is hot doesn't necessarily mean he's sexually attracted to her but finds her aesthetically appealing.

Hyde probably thinks his El Camino is hot, too, but doesn't want to have sex with it. 😅

I've written about Hyde's possible demisexuality extensively in this meta, but as an example, he's not sexually attracted to Jackie until her personality appeals to him -- despite that he finds her aesthetically appealing or hot, to use the term he calls her in "Kelso's Serenade" minus her personality (read the meta for details). At the time of that episode, his attraction is purely aesthetic, not sexual.

If Jackie didn't exist in T7S (because that's the only way I can imagine the following scenario), a Hyde/Brooke pairing when Hyde is in his teens would take a lot of setup. Brooke and Kelso's relationship develops because she's pregnant with their child. Hyde, being the product of an unintentional pregnancy (whether Bud or W.B. is his biological father), likely would take every precaution against walking his parents' path.

One of Brooke's major lessons is to let herself have fun. Hyde's includes opening up to accepting and giving the trust needed to sustain a healthy relationship. His childhood trauma instilled a fear of betrayal and abandonment in him. As a writer, I would have to figure out a reason for Hyde and Brooke to interact and make that interaction significant enough for both characters that more interactions follow -- eventually leading to romance.

Sure, a demisexual or allosexual Hyde could have a one-off sexual experience with Brooke, meaningless to both of them (Hyde is sex-favorable, whether he experiences sexual attraction or not). But I don't see that encounter developing into a relationship for them.

Other people might have different interpretations for these characters. But to be true to Hyde and Brooke's canon selves, as I understand them, a lot of pre-romantic development would be needed. Just as it was for Jackie and Hyde.

[basedkikuenjoyer]

On this day, we are talking about the one, the only. Da Big Guy himself, Ashura Doji. So this is something from the SBS but I thought it was cool and worth a post ruminating on. The topknot looking like a Sakura tree, there’s a Rakugo reference built around that. The story is called “Mt. Head,” or in Japanese Atamayama. Just like the mountain in Kuri and bandit brigade. Not a whole lot to delve into here but let’s look into the old Rakugo and see what we find!

First off, classic Oda talking about a tree coming out of his butt. I love this man has stayed so damn juvenile. Here we have him plain as day laying out this was intended. I’m not going to say our dear author is wrong because Rakugo is a largely oral tradition even today and there are lots of variants of stories, but everything I could find about the tale was pretty consistent. Big thing you might find different based on Oda’s description is that it tends to be about one man with a Sakura tree coming out of his head. This is going to be a pretty obscure reference and I know it isn’t intended, but every time I see it there’s honestly only one thing I can think about:

This is from an adult cartoon here in the states called Mission Hill. It was created by Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein coming fresh off their stent on The Simpsons around the turn of the millennium. Only got one season which was a tragedy, it felt a lot like a more grown up Hey Arnold! which is some high praise. These two are Wally and Gus, despite the show not lasting long they have the honor of being one of the first gay couples depicted so well which is a plus. Given the time period they are not shy about it. This was a great episode where the surly “No fussin” Gus has a knife stuck in his head and refuses to go to the hospital. So Wally glues a bunch of crap to it so Gus can’t ignore it. It’s hilarious. But we’re talking an old Rakugo and One Piece.

If you want an idea of the traditional story here you go, someone made a modern retelling into a short anime film a while back that attracted some buzz. It’s pretty simple; a stingy man eats some cherries he found on the ground from a fallen tree. A Sakura tree begins to sprout from his head. Next viewing season the man has people crowding around his head to see the lovely tree. In frustration he pulls the tree out, then rainwater fills in the hole on his head into a lovely pond. This is where is gets truly bizarre, either the man dies from fishermen hooking the insides of his headgunk or somehow drowns himself in his own headlake. Rakugo...doesn’t always make a lot of sense which is awesome.

How does that tie into our beloved Doji? Honestly I don’t have much. This doesn’t seem like The Crane Returns a Favor for Kiku where the reference is an integral part of the character’s story. Does make me think a little about Marco as the framing device, the example of Whitebeard being stingy. I do get a roughly similar vibe out of Ashura as the man from the Rakugo. Especially when he doesn’t have the influence of the other Akazaya or Oden balancing out the life he grew up with. Still, felt like a fun thing to spend a post on. 

[astonishinglegends]

Ep 291: American Bloodfalls with Tom Maxwell Part 1

"For millennia, showers of blood, known variously as blood falls, rains of blood, and blood rain, have been reported in sources both historical and literary. The earliest record comes from Homer's Iliad, in which Zeus makes it rain blood 'as a portent of slaughter."  -- Tonight's guest, Tom Maxwell

Description:

Bloodfalls and meat showers - phenomena that sound more like biblical plagues than historical events. Yet, reports of these bizarre occurrences peppered the American landscape for over a century. From Alabama to Massachusetts, Tennessee to California, eyewitnesses sometimes described small red clouds followed by downpours of blood, flesh, and viscera. Some were subjected to the red rain on entirely cloudless days. While many saw divine judgment, skeptics suspected elaborate hoaxes. Scientists proposed numerous theories ranging from vomiting vultures to atmospheric anomalies, while newspapers spread the stories far and wide. But what really happened during these grisly events? Were they connected or separate phenomena with similar descriptions? And why did they seem to stop abruptly at the turn of the 20th century? Join us as we delve into this bloody chapter of American history with our special guest, Tom Maxwell, former frontman of the Squirrel Nut Zippers and bloodfall expert, for Part 1 of this 2-part series. Together, we'll examine not just what fell from the sky, but what these incidents reveal about 19th-century America - its people, its science, and its struggle to make sense of a rapidly changing world. From the fringes of meteorology to the depths of human nature, this is the strange, gruesome, and utterly captivating story of America's reign of blood and meat.

Reference Links:

The “Kentucky Meat Shower”

“The Great Kentucky Meat Shower mystery unwound by projectile vulture vomit” on Scientific American

Nat Turner’s Rebellion

“UFO legend: Horse found dead and mutilated 55 years ago in Colorado gets new life at roadside attraction from The Gazette

Shakers – “a millenarian restorationist Christian sect”

Charles Fort

“Ep 230: Charles Hoy Fort – Our Supernatural Father Part 1” on AstonishingLegends.com

“Ep 231: Charles Hoy Fort – Our Supernatural Father Part 2” on AstonishingLegends.com

Tom Maxwell’s website, TomMaxwell.com

Tom Maxwell’s essay, “"For the Scrutiny of Science and the Light of Revelation": American Blood Falls” an article from Southern Cultures 18:1, Spring 2012 from The University of North Carolina Press

“The God of Pity” by Tom Maxwell on Medium.com

Tom Maxwell’s book, “A Really Strange and Wonderful Time – The Chapel Hill Music Scene: 1989-1999”

Lebanon, Tennessee

“Oakville Blobs: In 1994, Mysterious Gelatinous Goo Rained Down On Washington” on IFLScience.com

Blood Falls in Antarctica

Location:

Lebanon, Tennessee, the town near where a bloodfall occurred on August 17, 1841

Suggested reading:

Suggested Listening:

Two Girls One Ghost Podcast

Would you believe there was a podcast that was haunted? It’s called Two Girls One Ghost. Hosts Corinne and Sabrina didn’t want to believe it at first, but seven years later and after hundreds of encounters submitted by listeners, they can no longer ignore it. Two Girls One Ghost is the most haunted podcast in America! We’re talking ghosts, EVPs in episodes, spirits making contact with listeners, orbs darting through their YouTube videos, and so much more. Paranormal enthusiasts, Sabrina and Corinne explore the deepest, darkest, spookiest places in the world, delivering doses of research, history and spine-tingling tales. If possessed kids crawling backwards up walls, campers entranced in fairy orgies, and creatures chasing drivers down back roads is your thing, tune in to Two Girls One Ghost wherever you listen to podcasts. New episodes are released every Thursday, and Sunday. And now, you can join Sabrina and Corinne every Tuesday on Patreon and share your own haunting tale LIVE on their Campfire Stories. Join the summerween trend and satisfy your spooky itch with Two Girls One Ghost, but be warned, side effects might include a haunting or two, so listen at your own risk!

From the Astonishing Legends Network:

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CREDITS:

Episode 291: American Bloodfalls Part 1. Produced by Scott Philbrook & Forrest Burgess. Audio Editing by Sarah Vorhees Wendel of VW Sound. Music and Sound Design by Allen Carrescia. Tess Pfeifle, Producer and Lead Researcher. Ed Voccola, Technical Producer. Research Support from The Astonishing Research Corps, or "A.R.C." for short. Copyright 2024 Astonishing Legends Productions, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

[hoardofshinythings]

Hauled In To Fandom Kicking and Screaming

Look. I usually dance along the periphery of fandoms, ones I have actually watched the shows of and ones I am literally just in it for one or two good fan fiction writers. It is VERY rare I see a character and it actually makes me want to get in to a fandom. My ADHD/Autism combo makes it hard for me to get in to the mood to watch shows okay? Movies maybe. but series? oh lordy I have been bitten and burned so many times I am gun shy as heck with getting in to watching a show. I have gotten involved with to many shows for them to get axed for attracting the 'wrong' fans (Teen Titans, Motor City), or bizarre choices to take everything that attracted people to the first seasons and toss them in the trash and stick a sexy white woman in peril as the main into it's place. Weirdly specific but the fact it has happened several times is... something (Grimm, Sleepy Hollow). Or later episodes fall down the Stairs of Stupid Out of Character Decisions and Mistakes An Idiot Plot for a Plot Twist. I'm sure at least a few shows popped in your head at that one!

So I am .... reticent.... to get in to anything these days. Enter Eddie Munson.

Look. Stranger Things is in the background of the internet fandom zeitgeist. Okay creepy monsters, 80's, people actually LOOK like they are from the 80's and aren't airbrushed into an inch of their lives. Made a huge splash in its first season then kinda... floated in the background for the next few seasons.

Nothing about it really grabbed me. Looked fun. Not enough to attract my scraggly feral arse.

Then THIS little curly haired muppet man starts showing up on my dashes.

Eddie before disaster.

See. I KNOW this fucker. See I was a wee barely existing bean in the mid 80's. I have a brother who is over a decade older then me who thankfully I grew up having a great relationship with. So he was a TEENAGER during the 80's. Closer to Henderson's age then Munson's during 86. But I look at this fucker, and I KNOW him. Eddie Munson is the cobbled together pieces of my older brothers friend circle. The hair from one. The weed from another. The fashion from a few of them. My brother was more of a Johnathan type fashion and music wise (not personality), but a lot of his buddies were heavy metal or grunge. And more then half of them were in to DnD and comic books. Two of them were always writing or playing an instrument while hanging out at our house or back yard. They gamed at our house or at the drug dealer guys house (I didn't know he was back then cause again, baby wee me, but I remember he did cool smoke ring tricks and got my younger brother and I a huge pile of dinkies, so A+ dude to me) because hey, GUESS WHAT, the Satanic Panic was even a thing in but fuck nowhere Eastern Canada. My dad was Atheist (GASP) and my mom was vaguely Anglican (Sunday every week for socializing) but had logical heads. Mom was scared at first when my older brother got in to DnD, but despite being a early 20's young mother to two toddlers and a teenage step son with the whisper of church ladies in her ears... she sat down and learned about it. Found out it's just creative writing within a group with math. So we were the one place other than the drug dealers house they could have their games without judgement. Obviously our house was nicer so they were over a LOT. Which with it being the 80's, and both our parents busy nurses overworked and always on call, that resulted in a bunch of teenage scrungey boys babysitting tiny me and baby brother while playing DnD, practicing, hanging out, or whatever. I KNOW this fucker. I know Eddie Munson. All the pieces that make him I know them because I grew up with them. I have NEVER had a character give me a whiplash feeling of nostalgia for the past like THIS MOTHERFUCKER. Yes. I got bitch slapped by a blorbo in to watching a show so I can actually tell if the character is written believably (much more elastic then you think) or if the fandom is full of poop.

So I watched short snaps of just his scenes. God dammit he is Like That. Well NOW I have to go back to the beginning of the show because guess fucking what you shit heads. I want to actually try writing fanfiction. I want to making Eddie Munson SUFFER my twisted form of love.

I haven't done that in over 10 years. I've kept up with character writing, but nothing beyond role play games. This FRIGGER is making me dig up so many things from the graveyard of my fandom enjoyment past I may as well accept my new life as a Necromancer.

The show is meh, I know this, but the world has so many options of PROMISE. MUSIC THEMES. the fucking 80's! The characters, once again, do NOT look like airbrushed, they actually look like 80's awkward kids and adults and people. There's mullet's and mens crop tops and short shorts. All on the background of Modern (ish) Suburban Hidden World Fantasy with a good and proper horror twist. Shitty government fuckery. Monsters. Weird powers with no real explanation as to WHY. POTENTIAL!!!! SO yeah. There was a shiny toy in the sandbox (Eddie Munson) and I'm joining in, cat turds and cigarette butts be damned. I am going to try and slap in my observations of each episode as I go. Have fun watching me hate but love it all.

[studentofetherium]

watch Monogatari

Monogatari is a lot of things. across 18 novels or 102 episodes and three movies, the series spans numerous tones and genres

the premise of Monogatari is that there are supernatural creatures called oddities that represent the characters' mental problems. in each arc, a new oddity happens to force the characters into situations. that's rather broad! because the series does a lot with its concept and treats it rather loosely. the point is, the focus of the series is on its characters and their numerous psychological issues. as a result, the topics the series handles can be rather serious. this includes things like domestic violence, child abuse, and rape. however, not all its plots are so serious, and others focus on sexuality or sibling relationships

Monogatari is highly unconventional. i could say a lot about the bizarre presentation of the anime, or Nisioisin's distinct prose, but i think it's been seen rather than described. needless to say, Studio Shaft and specifically the directors Tatsuya Oishi (who directed the first two arcs, Bakemonogatari and Kizumonogatari) and Tomoyuki Itamura (who directed everything after) did a fantastic job in the series

what about the characters? it's hard to talk about the characters in Monogatari without going into spoilers, but suffice to say that each is distinct in their own ways

Koyomi Araragi is the series' protagonist as well as its narrator. for good and bad, his view is how we see the world. during spring break, an incident occurred which left him in a twilight state between humanity and undeath as a half-vampire. the supernatural attracts the supernatural, so since then, he has found himself involved in a number of other oddity incidents

Hitagi Senjougahara is the cool beauty, a tsundere with a violent side. after a run-in with a crab, she found that her weight had been stolen, causing her to come down with poor health

Mayoi Hachikuji is a precocious and energetic elemental schooler who can't find her way home. at times, she can come across as wise beyond her years, but at others, she seems exactly her age

Suruga Kanbaru is the princely athletic star of the school. however, a recent incident has led to her early retirement. at the same time, she begins to spend more time around (stalk) Koyomi for some unclear reason

Nadeko Sengoku is the little sister character who Koyomi forgot. he remembers her again when he stumbles across her at the shrine in the mountain, taking part in some sort of dark ritual...

and last but certainly not least, Tsubasa Hanekawa is the studious class president who shares some hazy recent history with Koyomi

and of course, there are many more characters than this, but i can't spend all my time introducing them

unfortunately, Monogatari has problems. i already mentioned that it tackles serious issues such as abuse or rape, and while it handles them well, there needs to be a warning for their presence, as the series does not shy away from them. however, not everything is handled well. complaints about the series oversexualizing its cast are frequent, and especially Koyomi's relationship with Mayoi falls under scrutiny. much as i love the show, i would be remiss to not warn people about these issues

but! if you still want to watch the series despite those problems (and you should), knowing what and how to watch can be difficult. the series is infamously hard to translate, meaning not every translation is equal. official subs are not always ideal and streaming services are far from the ideal way to watch the series. i recommend torrenting the series (suggested torrents are linked below). each arc name is unnumbered which easily causes confusion if you're not already familiar for the series. the watch order for the series are:

Bakemonogatari

Kizumonogatari

Nisemonogatari

Nekomonogatari Black

Second Season

Tsukimonogatari

Owarimonogatari season one

Koyomimonogatari

Owarimonogatari season two

Zoku Owarimonogatari

this may seem complicated, but it's much less so once you're familiar with the series

there is so much more i could say about Monogatari. the series is really deep, leaving lots of room for analysis of its characters and stories. even if you aren't inclined to go that far, there is so much to appreciate about the series. Monogatari is without a doubt my favorite story ever, and for many people it has been lifechanging. i cannot recommend it more and i hope if you've read all of this, that you're interested in checking it out!

[ohtobealady]

more disassociation thoughts:

Cora and Robert’s little simpering exchange in S2 after Cora’s ✨convinced✨ Robert to ask Doctor Clarkson for “a favor”

After he’s told her he’s talked to Clarkson, Cora’s “Quite right. Thank you, darling,” and Robert’s little *heart eyes* at her and then quick little sobering glance to O’Brien before he leaves is great.

Followed by O’Brien’s impressed, “Well done, m’lady!” because she darn well knows how that must’ve gone down.

Oh lol. Cora’s proud look that is very “Why, thank you. Indeed. I understood the assignment” back at her, an underrated moment for sure.

LOL what on earth took place for him to be so glowing and giddy? *giggle*

Honestly, S2 Cora … she didn’t really neglect Robert in the way she says she has when she apologizes in E8 (?). She was busier, obviously, but in nearly every episode of the season, she is either boosting his self-esteem (“I don’t think you’re a fool!”), or kissing his cheek with a quick explanation for her busyness, or getting noticeably *fans self* hot and bothered by his authoritative rage over Isobel’s demands — another underrated scene. Cora, you are SO gently chaotic lol.

Anyway, I feel this definitely supports the idea that she totally knew about Jane to some degree and in some way. Women really do always know.

(There’s that Violet line in S4 regarding Tony Gillingham, that if they know Tony isn’t acting committed, then they can be sure Mabel knows.)

More Jane thoughts: Obviously Robert was depressed, and I think it was very much a casting decision to have Jane’s character be similar in appearance to Cora (as far as fair complexion, bright blue eyes, dark hair). In Jane, Robert is attracted to the vulnerable, sweet wife that prewar Cora had been to him — the whole “Angel of the home” stereotype. Jane needed help when she dropped those apples. She needed help to provide for her little son. She was sweet mannered and obviously attracted to him, too. I won’t go too much into how I still hate how the end of that storyline went; however, I do think Robert’s character allows for him to have a wandering eye sort of incited by depression — especially considering his station and the reality of that time period.

Doesn’t change the fact, though, that I still feel like he wouldn’t have had that bizarre exchange with Jane after Cora nearly freaking died and he was in that chair in her room with his head hanging in his hands, Clarkson explaining to him that they’ve done everything they can, saying things like “my whole world gone over a cliff in the course of a single day” or watching Matthew lose Lavinia. I never really could understand that part (when he kisses her goodbye), except that maybe his kindness extends that far and his realization that Jane really was in an “impossible situation,” not in the least because he would never love her, his heart really did belong to his wife. Even if he was too depressed to feel anything but numbness.

Ooo, sorry. Tangent.

Anyway. Just thought I’d air out my fun little thoughts I had while mopping my kitchen. Ciao.

[the-bejeesus]

When people talk about anime that inspired them to work out, the examples they give are usually JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Dragon Ball Z, or Baki. Some shonen with extremely muscular men who accomplish incredible feats.

But for me the anime that inspired me is to excercise is Mob Psycho 100. The one with an underweight protagonist with no stamina. As a comedic plot point, he joined a workout club even though he does not excel in exercising and has amazing talents that negate the need to be fit.

I’ve tried to work out or diet a lot of times. But there were always one of two problems that would make me stop. 1: A lack of results. Fluctuation of weight or stagnation of weight can be quickly discouraging. 2: A selfish reason, like trying to be more attractive to girls. A reason that once served as motivation can turn into guilt if it’s seen for the vanity that it is.

Power dieting and swearing off junk food and fast foods can feel torturous, and the desire to eat something unhealthy can be tempting. When working out I did a lot of heavy lifting, and avoided cardio. This is because a lot of gurus said cardio doesn’t burn much fat, and intense exercise turns your fat into energy and uses it to build muscle. Thus began a vicious cycle where I was either on a death mission trying to become super fit in 6 months, or gave up and was incredibly unhealthy and depressed for 6 months.

What Shigeo taught me is that exercise can be more than a means to an end, it can be an experience. For Shigeo this experience is friendship.

The incredible character trait of everyone in the Body Improvement Club is their extreme friendship. They don’t care why Shigeo is doing this, they don’t care if Shigeo catches up to them in body fitness any time soon. They are all so proud and are quite literally willing to die for him.

For me, my experience in excercise is exploration. The cardio I once swore off as “ineffective” is now my primary form of excercise. Biking on trails, jogging across towns. Rather than trapping myself to a treadmill in my living room, I try to see the beautiful planet I live on. On a treadmill I could step off the second I was exhausted, but outside any distance I run/bike has to be ran/biked back home. There’s an excitement to pushing my limits, making sure I have enough water, and weighing my risks.

My dieting is exploration in a difference sense. Grocery shopping, trying new fruits or small snacks, going organic or finding healthier alternatives to things. No counting carbs, no counting fats, no counting calories. Just planning out a month of affordable produce and small meals. I don’t think I could ever get a huge meal at McDonald’s again, because every time I’m just going to think “14.67 huh? With that kinda money I could buy 16 pounds of apples, they’re .89c/lb at Sprouts. That’s a lot of apples.”

“But what about vanity, huh?” you might ask. Shigeo is not a shining example of selfless body improvement. He wants to get fit so that he has the courage to ask out a girl, the most popular girl in his school at that. And he doesn’t even like her for her personality or anything, just looks. It’s one of his biggest character flaws. Well the lesson here is to not find a selfless reason. Self-body improvement is called that for a reason, you’re improving your body for yourself. Getting a partner, being healthier and living longer, popping your pecs. Most reasons to excercise are selfish, but that’s okay. Selfishness is not always a negative thing. There’s a saying “you gotta help yourself before you can help others.” that includes fulfilling your own wants and being happy.

Once you’ve truly realized a goal and set to accomplish it, the vanity doesn’t matter. You’ve become one with the craft, and can look past your endgame. In one episode, Shigeo spends weeks training for a marathon, even though he’s never run nearly that far without fainting. All to impress Tsubomi. But when she’s cheering him on at the marathon, he’s too focused to acknowledge her. He can’t stop because he wants nothing more than to reach top 10 in the marathon.

This circles back to what I said about the Body Improvement Club, and how they don’t care why Mob joined. They all once had their own reasons for wanting big muscles, or less fat, or more stamina. But they’ve all been in the game so long that none of that is that important anymore. They know so much about muscles, excercises, food, the human body.

Power dieting and heavy lifting have actually worked for me once or twice. I’ve been skinny, and even had some visible muscle buildup. But I never saw a skinny man in the mirror. I always saw someone that was quite chubby and had a long way to go. Other people saw a healthy young man but that didn’t matter to me, because I convinced myself I wasn’t doing this for others and my reasons were completely selfless.

Accepting that my reasonings for being healthier are selfish, in some ironic way, made me care less about fat loss and my appearance. I like the feeling that my blood is flowing that cardio gives me. I love the energy I get from eating vegetables. I don’t check the scales for at least a month. Sometimes I’ll eat a burger or wings about once a week or so, I haven’t sworn off anything like the plague. I just make sure not to overtreat myself. And for the first time in years I weigh under 250. I don’t know how much I weigh exactly right now, but I don’t care. I have healthy habits, and I know if I keep it up maybe one day I’ll weigh even less than 225, or less than 200.