#every part of you š„¹
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we should let kaito be angrier. that's boy's been through a lot let him lash out, let him be mad, let him say and do things he's gonna regret, and let him heal in the ugliest process possible. and let him realize that he will be loved despite it all.
#also he gets kisses and hugs from shinichi#lol#on my kaishin agenda 24/7 what can i do š¤·#oh to be loved for who you were who you are and who you will be#and to be loved despite you not knowing who you really are yet#kaito dear you are so brilliant and bright with a heart of gold#you are so easy to love if you would just let people love you#every part of you š„¹#let every mask you have be loved because they are all a part of you darling š„¹#(by this i mean he should let shinichi love him ngl but i also mean everyone!!!!!! in his life!!!!!!! i promise i can be normal āš)#(except toichi btw fuck that guy kaito you can hate him all your life i will enable you š LOL)#dc prattles#lowkey kaishin#LMAOOOOO
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š„¹š„¹
#EVERY PART OF YOU IS A HOME TO ME š„¹#red white and royal blue#RWRB SPOILER#rwrb movie#alex claremont diaz#prince henry of wales#taylor zakhar perez#nicholas galitzine#firstprince#history huh
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closing #heyteo š
i want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who's ever tagged me in their posts! i can't put it into words how grateful i am for having such talented, sweet people around me that wanted to share their beautiful creations with me. i cherish them all and i hope yapping in my tags conveyed that. Honestly i could talk about them in great lengths (and mostly i did...) so this is why i feel like i think its right time to wrap this up - i feel bad when i can't sit down, talk my ass off and give my full attention to each and every single post. Sadly i don't think its possible for me to do it now which is why i am writing all this, with a tear in my eye honestly. I checked and saw i have 925 (and counting!) posts in this tag and first of all - that is CRAZY! I am so grateful you have no idea. I really, really cherished this little corner of the internet that i called my own so this is all bittersweet but i think it's for the best! Lastly, i don't plan on going anywhere just yet so of COURSE feel free to tag me in anything you think i shouldn't miss (especially Jeonghan and your selfies... of course) - you already know a block of tags will be coming your way! And for being my amazingly talented friends i wrote little thank-you notes for everyone that made #heyteo one of the best decisions i made on tumblr š I appreciate you all SO so so so much!
@jeonwonwoo -> my angel and the reason i even made this tag miss zaynab! We would be here for weeks if i started talking about how thankful i am for your existence. My no1 source of Jeonghan gifs, someone who perfectly matches my freak - thank you the MOST! (And ofc you can still expect me to go on tangents under your gifs i mean... that's what this blog is all about!) Love you!š©·š«¶š¼
@kimsuyeon -> my talented lili, with the most wonderful gifs that are just so YOU! Always so wonderfully curated and colored, your idol + era collection is for the HERstory books if you ask me. Thank you for sharing them with all of us. i am so happy to have you around and i am thankful that you have been one of Thee contributors to #heyteo š«¶š¼š©·
@pink-vacancy -> i think it wouldn't be wrong to call you my yuna and mina supplier š¤ cherry yuna is for the history books and you are the biggest contributor to that fact! thank you so much for always tagging me and making my tag a tad bit spicier and sexier with the gorgeous, stunning women you gif! love you and appreciate you SO much ššš«¶š¼
@scouped -> MAX you are such an integral part of #heyteo through your many sideblogs and i am always so so sooo grateful for it! i love everyone but of course i love svt just a tad bit more so seeing your sets always made me so giddy and excited š«¶š¼ again, one of the people that really pushed me to make this tag in the first place so i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. love you!!! šš
@vcrnons -> j!!! my dear sweet darling J that wanted to kill me on more than one occasion. thank you so much for tagging me and sorry for all the things i said under your gifs its like they hypnotize me... And ofc i am excited to be annoying under your tags in the future š«¶š¼ššš
@scoupsies -> my naya funniest sweetest most talented darling... You've been thee highlight of my user tag - and i promise i will still be yapping under your gifs like how could i not?! you best believe i will be checking you blog so i don't miss anything because well that would just be devastating for me. thank you so much for tagging me i love you & appreciate you SO much!!! š«¶š¼š©·š
@neonsbian -> my wayv supplier and source of updates š¤ thank you so much vinnie, for always tagging me in everything so far & i always enjoyed seeing my twin yangyang in the tag (for better or worse) š
@no1boa -> lulu! absolute master of gifs thank you SO much for always tagging me in your dreamy, beautiful creations. honestly i will miss them SO much... so expect me to go through your blog like a morning newspapers and look for new sets šāāļøš«¶š¼š¤
@taeiltual -> i always say this in the tags but every single company would benefit from a BexTM master class on editing! Thank you so much for sharing your works and thank your for tagging me š¤š«¶š¼š
@facethesuns -> em your posts always make me feel like ground is shaking... Thank you so much for tagging me in your stuff & of course i am excited to keep yapping in the tags in the future šāāļøšāāļøšāāļøš
@ningtual -> MY SUNWOO SUPPLIER oh henna this is for the better or worse because my blood pressure rises whenever i see him... thank you for tagging me in your beautiful aespa edits (and nunulino...) love you mwah mwah!!! š«¶š¼š©·
@talksaxy -> even though we haven't been mutuals for a long time, whenever you would tag me in sungchan you best believe i would kick my feet and get giddy... thank you so much for adding a beautiful fawn touch to my tag! & ofc expect me to be in your tags either way, and yeah this kinda reads as a threat but you can't blame me really can't you... thank you sooo much. mwah! š«¶š¼šš
@28reas0ns -> oh wwill first of all i want to say i love your vision and how we both sometimes make similar connections... You have such an eye for the aesthetics and it was such an honor to seen every post you made so thank you SO much for tagging me it truly meant so much to me š«¶š¼šš¤šš¤
@isabelleadjani -> first of all thank you for using it for its intended purposes (selfies!!!). and second of all thank you for tagging me in your beautiful, gorgeous gifs. You always go one level up and its so evident in the way you present your sets. I would still love to get tagged in your selfies of course thats a no brainer really š«¶š¼ Thank you so much & i really appreciate your presence on here š¤š¤š¤
@junmail -> oh its been such a delight to see all the junhui in my tag (along with others of course) so thank you SO much for tagging me and sharing your beautiful gif sets with me (and everyone else)š«¶š¼š
@doyeons -> BELLA!!! first of all. thank you for sungah and seohyun gifs that was kinda legendry don't you agree. Thank you for amplifying frommy gifs in my tag they made me so crazy but also... i am very thankful šāāļø And you best believe i will still be under your posts like a pathetic little guy. Kiss!!! š«¶š¼š
@eightshotamericano -> elly my local jeonghan enthusiast i want to thank you for tagging me in your posts i really enjoyed them always š and i appreciate you for thinking of me, love you!š„¹š«¶š¼
@seonghwasblr -> I know there wasn't many but i still want to send my virtual thank you card for including me in your beautiful gifs of jeonghan my darling maja i really appreciate it!š«¶š¼š
@jeonwon-wonwoo -> maddie thank you for tagging me in your lessera gifs back in the beginning of the year - it was so sweet of you! š«¶š¼š again, a huge thank you to everyone whoās tagged me in their posts. it truly means a lot, and Iām so grateful for each and every one of you whoās taken the time to include me. I appreciate you all more than words can express š„¹š„¹š„¹š«¶š¼š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤
#i looked through my tag and if i forgot someone i am SO sorry it wasn't my intention in the slightest! Whew...#also i already put every post thats in the tag in either my queue or drafts of course i will go through all of them š„¹ and again. it#was such a good decision to make this and i am so so glad i did and it really made me happy so i wanted to close it while i still had like.#positive feelings towards it if that makes sense š sorry i know this must sound insane but i really am SO sad i wont go and have it all#served on a silver platter by my friends but i think this is for the better. i don't have much time to give it my undivided attention and#soon i won't have much time to even be on here so yeah. DOESNT MEAN I AM NOT SAD. i really am it feels like an end of an era almost like i#am letting part of me down the water š„¹š„¹ššš and the way i almost have 1000 posts in it already. God i love you guys all of you š«¶š¼!#tt
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Small Price to Pay | [1/1]
you know all those posts about making out with someone with a cold and the associated consequences? This is that in fic form, ~8.8k words. I'm embarrassing myself typing this, so here it is.
This is an OC fic ft. Vincent and Yves - you can read more of these two here! :)
Summary:
āSo,ā Brendon says. āYouāre still dating him.ā Something about the way he inflects the word still makes something sour in Yvesās chest. Yves frowns at him. āIs that supposed to be surprising?ā
Yves has a birthday party to attend and a fake relationship to prove. Vincent is nothing if not adaptable. (ft. fake dating, an argument, contagion)
ā
Hereās the problem:
Francesca throws a party.
Itās a birthday party, strictly speaking, but functionally itās more of a college reunionāFrancesca invites everyone from their year who rowed crew, which means that one: Yves will be surrounded by some of his best friends from college, and two: Erika will be there.
He thinks up an entire contingency planāif Vincent canāt make it that weekend, for one reason or another, Yves will show up, hand Francesca his gift, spend the rest of the hour avoiding Erika and Brendon, and leave early, citing some excuse or other. Itās not that he doesnāt think he could handle talking to Erikaāitās just seeing her feels like reopening a wound. A part of him is scared that heāll see her, and feel the loss intensely all over againāor, worse, heāll get ideas about forgiving her, about letting her into his life again, about accepting her explanations.
And Brendon, tooāseeing Erika means seeing Brendon, most likely, and Yves doesnāt want to justify himself to him any more than he already has.Ā
The point is: the less of the both of them that he has to deal with, the better.
When he asks Vincent a week before the event, though, Vincentās response is immediate.
V: You can fill me in on the details later. Iāll be there.
Itās a little strange, he thinks, that Vincent always agrees so readily. Vincent isnāt a fan of partiesāheād been clear about that. He doesnāt seem interested in talking much about himself, eitherāheās just the kind of person, Yves is realizing, who likes to keep his personal details close unless they offer some sort of utility.
Perhaps thereās something else that Vincent is getting out of this, then.
But when Yves asks, heās met with the same cryptic answer:
āI donāt mind it,ā Vincent says. āAnd you have something you want to prove to your ex. Ultimately, itās a net positive.ā
āWhile thatās technically true,ā Yves says, āthis seems like an unfair arrangement. I mean, youāre only doing this because I dragged you into it.ā
āIf I didnāt want to be dragged into it,ā Vincent says, āI would say so.ā as if itās really that simple.
It canāt be that simple, Yves thinksāthere must be more to his reasoning that heās omittingābut he doesnāt press. Vincent is right. Vincent is the kind of person who knows precisely what he wants. If he really had a problem with this arrangement, he wouldāve said so.
And, besidesāa little selfishly, perhapsāYves has started looking forward to their outings as of late.
ā
Nevertheless, he doesnāt think about the party again until the Friday before it, when Vincent shows up at his desk.
āDo you have a moment?ā he says.
āYes,ā Yves says, saving the spreadsheet heās been working on and shutting his laptop. āWhatās up?ā
When he looks up, Vincent looks a little tired, though thatās not unusualāitās been a long week, and busy season always means long hours and little sleep.Ā
āWe can talk later if youāre busy,ā Vincent says.
āIām very free,ā Yves says. Heās decisively notāand heās sure that Vincent knows this, too, so whatever Vincent is approaching him with now must be important.Ā
āRegarding Francescaās party tomorrow,ā Vincent starts. He looks a little sheepishāas if he doesnāt quite want to be the deliverer of bad news. āI can still go. But Iāmā¦ā
āIf something came up,ā Yves says immediately, āyou donāt have to come.ā āItās not that,ā Vincent says.
āOr even if nothingās come up,ā Yves backtracks, āand youāre just not feeling it anymore? Also totally fine. Seriously. I can always just go by myself.ā
Vincent seems to consider this. Yves is starting to get worried that something might actually be very wrongāsomething that Vincent is hesitant to even bring upāwhen Vincent takes a generous step backwards, raising his elbow to his face as his eyes squeeze shut.
āhhihānGKTsHuhh-!ā
The sneeze sounds harsh, even muffled into the fabric of his sleeve; it tears through him with little warning, loud enough to echo slightly in the confines of the office space.
Thatās when it all clicks into place: the tiredness. The slight off-ness to his complexion, the tension to the way heās holding himself, the fact that Yves hasnāt caught him in the break room at all over the past couple days. The fact that heās currently standing so far away from Yvesās desk.
āYouāre ill,ā Yves says, comprehending.
āYes,ā Vincent says. His voice sounds a little off, too, now that Yves knows what to look for; it has that quality it often takes on after a long day of discussions with clientsānot quite hoarse, but getting there. āIām positive itās just a cold. I just wanted to give you a heads up.ā
āDonāt worry about it at all, seriously,ā Yves says. He feels guilty, suddenlyāhere he is, asking Vincent to spend his already-limited free time at a party, when Vincent probably has a high volume of important clientsāand a burgeoning head coldāto deal with. āIf you want to take a rain check, you should. Iām sure this week has already been rough for you as it is.ā
āWhen is the next time youāll be going to an event where Erikaās going to be there?ā
That question makes him pause. āI donāt know. In another month, or so, if I had to guess?ā
āSo this event is important,ā Vincent says, sniffling. Itās the kind of light, liquid sniffle that implies that whatever heās caught, heās just at the start of it. āIn that case, Iāll go.ā
āWait,ā Yves says. āThatās not what Iāyour health is more important than any event. You shouldnāt push yourself.ā
āI feel fine,ā Vincent says. āNo headache, no fever. Itās just a slight cold. I will be fine tomorrow if I make it a point to sleep early.ā he sniffles again, his expression growing hazy for a brief moment before he blinks, rubbing his nose on one knuckle. āI just wanted to make sure you were fine with it.ā
āI am completely fine with it,ā Yves says, reaching for the box of tissues thatās perched on his desk. He holds it out. āI just feel bad about making you go if youāre sick.ā
Vincent takes a handful of tissues out of the box, brings them up to cover his nose, just in time forā
āhh- hHānGKT-! snf-! hH-Hhihā¦ hhāhiHhhāiiZSCHHh-uhh!ā
āBless you,ā Yves says, with emphasis, pushing the entire tissue box towards him. āTimes two. Seriously. I think you could use the weekend offāyou know, to catch up on sleep.ā
āAssuming that things havenāt changed from the event details you forwarded me, the party will be in the evening,ā Vincent says, taking the tissue box from him, a little hesitantly, and tucking it under his arm. āIāll have plenty of time to sleep in.ā
Yves opens his mouth to protest.
Vincent says, āIām fine. Iāll call a rain check if I wake up with a fever.ā He turns on his heels. āOtherwise, see you tomorrow.āĀ
ā
Vincent, as Yves is coming to realize, is very good at appearing presentable, even when heās under the weather.
āYou made it,ā he says. This time, theyād driven here separately. Yves had thought, initially, that itād be easier to just drive Vincent places, so that the only thing heād had to account for was his actual presenceābut Francesca lives between them. I donāt mind driving, Vincent had said. Youād be going out of your way to pick me up, but heād coordinated a spot a couple blocks down to meet up, so that it would look like theyād come together.
Itās cold outside stillāitās the sort of indecisive weather that seems to periodically hint at spring: a cold front, then a few warm days when all the ice thaws, a few flowers lining the grass along the road where the snowās melted, and then another snowstorm. Itās easy enough, then, to chalk up the slight redness of his cheeks, the redness at the tip of his nose, as another effect of the not-quite-spring weather.
Yves is carrying his present for Francesca under one armāa hardcover bookāa sequel to one sheād read last year and gushed to him about liking; a couple fridge magnets, which she likes to collect; film for the polaroid camera her sister got her last year; and a letter, all wrapped up in a brown paper parcel.Ā
Itās nice to have an excuse to see everyone again, especially some of the members from crew whom heās not close enough to invite to parties personally, that he knows Francesca was closer to.Ā
āIt was a pain to find parking,ā Vincent says. Heās wearing a red scarf today, and a white overcoat with black buttons and a sharply cut collar. Personally, Yves thinks itās unfair that someone can be down with an irritating head cold and still look so good.
āNo kidding,ā Yves says. āYou wouldāve thought thereād be more than one tiny parking lot for all those shops.ā
Yves asks how he is (fine, Vincent saysāperfectly capable of spending a few hours at a party. Yves says, I feel like you would say that even if you were like, dead on your feet with a high fever, to which Vincent laughs, but doesnāt explicitly deny.)
Yves supposes he isnāt one to talkāheād showed up to a crew event, near the end of the season, with the flu, just because it had been their then-captainās last big event, and heād been planning to give him a farewell speech. The speech had gone fineāand so had the first few hoursābut then all his symptoms had hit at onceāfever chills, exhaustion, a pounding headache, the likesāand Francesca and Erika had practically had to drag him home.
But that had been an important eventāa once in a lifetime thingāand heād drafted that speech for two weeks. This is so much less high-stakes.Ā
āI prombise Iām fine,ā Vincent tells him, lifting up the side of his scarf to muffle a cough into it. āItās just all the - hHIh-! all the annoyidg symptoms. I dodāt - snf-! - feel any worse than I did yesterday.ā āAny worse?ā Yves says. āDoes that mean you were already feeling pretty badly off yesterday?ā
āI barely even feel udwell at all,ā Vincent says. āItās justā I keep havidg toā hHih-! hihHāIIITshHHh-uuH!ā
He sniffles, raising a sleeve to his face to cover the next, resounding,Ā
āhHihāiITTSshhāUhh! snf-!ā He buries his face deeper into his sleeve, his shoulders trembling with another gasp. āHhihā¦. HIihānNGKTāSHhuh!ā
āBless you,ā Yves says, laughing. āOkay. Point taken.ā
Vincent lowers his arm slowly with a curt sniffle. āAre Erika and Francesca close?ā
āYeah,ā Yves says. āI think they still keep in touch pretty frequently.ā itās one of the reasons why he hasnāt told Francescaāor anyone else in the friend groupāabout the specifics of their breakup.
It feels wrong, somehow, to paint her in a bad light, to give people reason to take sides, when itās always been all of them together as a group. 5am practice was a hell of a bonding experience, she was part of all of that, too. He has no right to take that from her.Ā
āHow about Brendon?ā
āBrendonās sort of an odd one out,ā Yves says. āI donāt think most of us had met him until he started dating Erika during our senior year. He usually hangs out with a different crowd, so heās only really around when Erika is.ā
Perhaps thatās better, tooāmore mercifulāthat when Erika had left him for someone new, it hadnāt been one of the people he knew and deeply trusted. If Brendon had been there too, at all those 5am practices, at all those oddly timed meetingsāif Yves had had that much time to look back on, to wonder when Erikaās feelings for Brendon had materialized, to watch her fall for him firsthand, to look back and know that he was losing herā¦
Itās better, this way, he thinks, that at least he can look back on his time rowing crew as heād always wanted toānot like the way he feels when he looks at Erika: heartbroken, and a little betrayed.
āI guess Iām in that positiod now,ā Vincent says.
āIn the sense that you didnāt meet everyone through crew?ā
āIn the sedse that Iām an outsider.ā
Yves considers this. āMy friends really like you, though,ā he says. āI donāt think they think of you that way.ā Itās a short walk to Francescaās doorstep. Vincent really does seem to be okay, Yves notesāaside from the frequent sniffling, and the sneezes he turns away to direct into his sleeve, he isnāt shivering under his coat, and he doesnāt look more tired than usual.
Despite everything, Yves finds himself feeling cautiously hopeful. Something about Vincentās presence has that effect on him. Vincent is always so sure of himself, even in situations Yves thinks he canāt possibly be certain will go well.
It makes Yves want to have faith in this too. Yves will see Francesca and his friends from crew, and he wonāt have to say anything to Erika and Brendon, his friends will like Vincent very much, and everything will be just fine.
āWait,ā Vincent says, right after Francescaās let them in through the apartment buzzer. āWe should look like we actually like each other.ā He holds his hand out, expectant.
āGood point.ā Yves takes it. Vincentās hand is warm, and a little callousedāwhen Yves tugs his hand a little closer, Vincentās fingers interlace nicely with his.
āFor the record, I do like you,ā he adds.
Vincent laughs. āYou kdow what I meant.ā
ā
Itās almost a relief, seeing everyone again. Yves used to feel a little apprehensive about reunionsāaround the possibility for the people that heād known and loved to have changed past recognition, to have internalized everything some way but to come back and see that everyoneās moved on in their own ways, grown a little more into themselvesāand a little further from himāthan he remembers them to be.Ā
But when he sees Francesca, she still greets him with the same hug ā one arm looped around his shoulders, for a firm squeeze. He hands her her gift, and wishes her a happy birthday, and she laughs and says the only good part about getting old is having an excuse to have everyone back in her living room.
āAnd Vincentās here too,ā Francesca says, turning to Vincent, whoāafter looking caught off guard for a secondāsmiles back at her. āIām so glad you were able to come!ā
āItās good to see you agaid,ā Vincent says. āAnd happy birthday. You look great, by the way.ā
āThank you!ā she says, beaming. Sheās wearing a cocktail party dress which slips elegantly over her still-bare shoulders. āI needed to pick something out for the occasion. I swear, these days, half my closet is just business formal attire. Itās depressing.ā
āIf that mbeans that the other half of your closet is filled out with idteresting clothes,ā Vincent says, with a quiet sniffle, āyouāre doing a lot better than I am.āĀ
Francesca laughs. āItās just for my sanity,ā she says. āCanāt let the clients dictate everything I wear.ā
āItās ndice that youāre celebrating your birthday, though,ā Vincent says. He lifts a hand to rub his slightly-reddening nose with one knuckle. āMy coworkers are always sayidg that theyāre too old to want to ackdowledge it anymore.ā
āIt definitely feels that way sometimes,ā Francesca says. āBut itās a good excuse to have everyone here, while we still can. Speaking of whichāYves is the worst at planning things for himself, which is ironic, because heās always the one planning things for everyone else.ā
āThat is not true,ā Yves says.
Francesca gives him a pointed look. āLast year, you were practically banking on having everyone forget your birthday.ā
That is an exaggeration. āIām pretty sure you wouldnāt let that happen, even if I wanted it to,ā Yves says.
āYouāre damn right.ā
āThe ndext time youāre planning a birthday for him,ā Vincent says, clearing his throat with a quiet cough, āIāll pitch in.ā
Francesca brightens, at this. āFinally another soldier on the right side of the war,ā she says. āYou can definitely be part of the secret planning council.ā
āThadk god,ā Vincent says, playing along. āI was starting to thidk I was going to have to do it all alone.ā
āItās not a secret if Iām right here,ā Yves says. Francesca ignores him in favor of having Vincent type his number into her phone.
ā
Halfway through the evening, Vincent disappears into the kitchen for a moment. When he comes back, itās with two drinks in handācanned cocktails, Yves realizes, judging by the cans. He hands one over to Yves.
āI actually donāt think Iāve ever seen you drink before,ā Yves says to him. āEven at happy hours.ā
āI donāt drink very often,ā Vincent says.
āDoes this mean that I get to see you tipsy? Iām sure our coworkers will be jealous.āĀ
āIf youāre expecting my personality to change,ā Vincent says, āyou will be disappointed.ā he says it with such certainty that Yves pays closer attention to him after that.Ā
Vincent does hold his alcohol well, as it turns out, with the exception of the slight flush to his cheeks a few drinks laterāthough even then, Yves canāt be entirely sure it canāt be entirely attributed to his cold. He listens intently as Yves talks to Dianeāwhoās a couple years younger than Yvesāabout how Crew has been ever since Yves graduated (mostly the same; the new underclassmen are good at showing up to practices on time, but thatās partially because their captain this year is a little intimidating). He gives several of the crew members a candid summary of his relationship with Yves, when asked. He tells Marin how they first met and he tells Kenneth what itās like keeping their relationship secret at work and he laughsāa little sheepishlyāwhen Sasha says they make a cute couple. If lying so openly is difficult for him, it doesnāt show.
If thereās anything thatās off, itās subtle. It takes some time for Yves to noticeā
The next time Vincent sneezes, his breath hitches with a sharp, desperate, ā āhHhiHā!ā Then he turns away, craning his neck over his shoulder for an uncovered, āHIiiIKTshH-uh-!ā
He blinks in the wake of it, as if a little dazed, before he seems to straighten, lifting a hand to wipe his nose on one knuckle. Itās not stifled, as it usually is, nor is it neatly pinched off into his fingers, which is unexpected.
Itās as if the sneeze has fully caught him off guardāas if all the systems he has in place to sneeze as quietly and as unobtrusively as possible are just slightly impaired by the alcohol. Not that it matters muchāFrancesca has put some music on, and it sits in the background now, a low thrum, all but the percussive elements muted by the chatter of conversation.
āBless you,ā Yves says, leaning over to grab a cocktail napkin from one of the neighboring tables. He hands it to Vincent, who blows his nose and emerges with a small cough. āHowās the cold?āĀ
āFide,ā Vincent says, with a sniffle. āNdo worse than before.ā
āAre you just saying that to get me to drop the subject?ā
āIām sayidg it because I actually mean it. Itās a very tolerable cold.ā
Yves laughs, and reaches for his drink. Heās about to take a sip when he feels Vincentās fingers close around his wrist
Ā Itās only a brief moment of contact, but the warmth it leaves around his wrist stays, even when Vincent lets go.
āSorry,ā Vincent says, a little panicked. He withdraws his hand. āThatās mine.ā
āWhat?ā
āThe cocktail.ā
āOh.ā Yves looks down to the can in his hands. He supposes Vincent might be rightātheyāve both had a few drinks, so heād lost track awhile ago. A lot of the canned cocktails taste roughly the same to him, anyways. āIs it? I can get you another one if you want.ā
āNo,ā Vincent says. āI drank from it.ā As if that explains everything. And thenāa little quieter, as if heās embarrassed to say it: āI donāt wadt you to catch this.ā
Truthfully, the possibility hadnāt crossed his mind until Vincent mentioned it. It seems a little endearing that Vincent would be worried about it in the first placeāYves has certainly shared food and drinks with friends who were worse off. āIām not worried about that,ā he says. āItās just a cold. Didnāt you say it was very tolerable?ā
āItās stillā¦ā Vincent trails off, averting his glance with a sniffle. ā...an annoyance.āĀ
He looks like heās about to say more when his expression goes distant, his eyebrows furrowing.
āHHihāIIIzSCH-uhh!āĀ It sounds so thoroughly unsatisfying, half-shielded by a hand raised a few moments too late. āhh-HIh-! Hhā¦ā He pauses, his eyes watering, his breath still wavering, andāafter a few seconds of nothingāsniffles; a forceful, liquid sniffle that practically emanates frustration. āhIiIIhākSHhhhh! snf-!ā
āBless you!ā
Vincent emerges, teary-eyed, still sniffling. āCase in point,ā he says.Ā
ā
He doesnāt see Erika when she gets there. It isnāt until she passes him in the living room, halfway in a conversation, that she makes her presence known to him.
āHi Yves,ā she says, and he looks up. Today sheās wearing a pink dress which cuts off at her kneesāa strapless dress, save for a pink rose over her left shoulder which blooms into a sleeve. She is every inch as beautiful as she always is.
He smiles at her, cordial, tight-lipped. āYou made it,ā he says. She looks at him expectantly, waiting for him to say more, and he realizesāwith a flash of panicāthat he doesnāt know what more to say to her. He hasnāt kept up with her over the past few months. He knows that sheās working as a quantitative analyst, at a company sheād been hired at a couple months after theyād broken up, but he doesnāt know if she likes her work, if she likes her coworkers, if itās been busy as of late. If she works long hours, if sheās taken up any new projects. āGlad you found time. I assume workās been keeping you busy,ā he says,Ā Ā
āAre you kidding? Itās Francesca,ā Erika says. āI wouldnāt miss this for the world.ā
And there it isāthat decisiveness. That same resolve that, back then, made everything with her seem so easy. Erika and Francesca have always been closeāthrough college, back when they met during crew, and even after, when all of them had been still settling into their jobs or going off to grad school or moving halfway across the country; when seeing each other no longer meant just a fifteen minute walk across campus.Ā
āYeah,ā Yves says. āI know.ā
They donāt speak, after that. Yves thinks itās probably for the bestāhe doesnāt have anything to say to Erika right now. Back then, he could talk to her about anything, even if it was pointless or insignificant or of no real importance, and sheād make the conversation fun.Ā
These days, he only tells her things on a strict need-to-know basis, andāgiven that the only times he sees her these days is at events like thisāthereās not really all that much to talk about.Ā
It had been difficult, at first. Heād wanted to share everything with her, still, back when his work schedule had settled enough for him to take long walks downtown, to start to go to concerts and bars again; when heād redecorated his apartment, when heād gotten someone to mentor at work, when heād gotten back into cooking. For some time after the breakup, it still felt instinctual to turn to her, to text her about something interesting thatād happened, to ask her to try out something new that heād found.Ā
But he hadnāt. Something about feigning normalcy seemed worse, even then, than accepting that she was really gone.
Perhaps her avoidance of him tonight is merciful. Itās easier, when heās not thinking about her, to slip into the familiarity of talking to everyone, to enjoy all of it just as himself.Ā
Itās only when he excuses himself to get another drink that he runs into Brendon.
Yves has always been civil with Brendon.Ā
Brendon isāwell, to say that Brendon isnāt someone he considers a friend is a vast understatement. The less of Brendon Yves sees, the better. Yves avoids him when he can, but he is good at holding up small talk, when itās necessary, and on most days, Brendon has enough good sense to not start a fight.
Today, it seems, is not one of those days.
āSo,ā Brendon says. āYouāre still dating him.ā Something about the way he inflects the word still makes something sour in Yvesās chest.
Yves frowns at him. āIs that supposed to be surprising?ā
āI guess Iām surprised,ā Brendon says. āI have to say, I wasnāt expecting it to last.ā
āWell, Iām happy to have exceeded your expectations,ā Yves says. āThough it doesnāt sound like they were very high.ā
āI donāt mean it like that,ā Brendon says, waving a hand. āItās justānew relationships can be fairly unreliable. Especially when youāre dating around.ā
āMaybe in your experience, thatās the case,ā Yves says. āBut personally, I tend to date people I can see myself with long term.ā
āThatās the thing,ā Brendon says. āIām surprised you can see yourself with him.ā
Yves sets the drink heās holding down and turns to face him properly. āIām not sure what you mean by that.ā
Brendon scoffs. āIt doesnāt take a genius to see that you two are very different people.ā
āSo people can only date their clones,ā Yves says flatly. Heās already tired of this conversation. āMy bad. I mustāve missed that rule somewhere in dating 101.ā
āObviously, I donāt mean it to that extent. Youāre blowing it out of proportion. I just mean that you can only be so different from someone before youāre incompatible. ā
āI agree,ā Yves says. āAnd I donāt think weāre incompatible.ā
āAre you sure?ā Brendon crosses his arms. āThis isnāt his scene, is it? Cocktail parties? I mean, heās practically married to his work. Does he even like parties?ā
Vincent doesnāt like partiesāBrendon is right about that point. But hadnāt Vincent been the one whoād agreed to come here in the first place? To imply that heās only here because Yves has dragged him along seems somewhat disingenuous.
Yves says, āIf Vincent didnāt want to be here, he wouldnāt be here.ā
āSure, but from what Iāve heard from Erikaāā Yves doesnāt like this implication that Brendon and Erika talk about them behind their back, but he supposes itās to be expected. āāheās not exactly the type of person youāve tended to go for in the past.ā
That sounds awfully like an accusation.
āWhat exactly are you getting at, here?ā
āIām saying that it sort of looks like you just picked the most convenient rebound you could find,ā Brendon says, quiet. āBut usually people are honest with themselves when thatās the case.ā
That startles a short, indignant laugh out of Yves. āYou have no idea what youāre talking about,ā he says.
āDo you really not think thatās the case? Wouldnāt you say youād usually go for someone more personable?ā
āPersonable?ā Yves repeats. āPersonable? Donāt make me laugh. Do you know how many clients Iāve seen Vincent talk down to a pleasant resolution because heās so good at negotiating? Do you know how many conferences Iāve been in where Vincent is the one people come to after to privately compliment, because heās so good at knowing how to talk to people?ā he thinks to Joelās housewarming partyāto how compellingly Vincent had lied for him, then; to how good he had been at conjuring up a sense of history between them, of warmth. āHis ability to answer difficult questions on the spot, with virtually no preparation at all, is something I canāt even begin to comprehend.ā
Heās not sure why the accusation from Brendon makes him so upset, only that it does. Only that he wants to do nothing but tell Brendon just how wrong he is. āIf youāre trying to imply that Iām settling for him, donāt patronize me,ā he says. āVincent is one of the smartest and most thoughtful people I know. Do you seriously believe Iād be dissatisfied with someone who holds himself to such a high standard?ā
āIām happier than Iāve been in months,ā he says, resolute. āBecause of him.ā
Through the adrenaline, Yves realizes, faintly, that he hasnāt lied about any of it. He certainly could haveāafter all, Brendon would be none the wiserābut everything heās said about Vincent is something he really, genuinely believes.
āAh,ā Brendon says, knowingly, as if he has it all figured out. āI got it wrong. This whole time I thought you were the one that felt lukewarm about him. But itās the other way around, isnāt it?ā
āI donāt know what youāre talking about.ā
āYouāre so sure heās the one that youāre willing to overlook all of your obvious differences,ā Brendon says. āHave you ever stopped to consider whether he feels the same way?ā
āPresumably, he does,ā Yves says. āOtherwise, we wouldnāt be in a relationship.ā
āThat doesnāt necessarily mean anything,ā Brendon says, as if Yves should already know this from past experience, whichāif Yves is being really honestāmakes him want to punch him.
Instead, he takes in a deep breath, schools his expression into a smile. āUsually, people in relationships arenāt still looking for other options.ā
āYes,ā Brendon says. āUnless theyāre unhappy.ā
āYves!āĀ
When Yves turns to look, Vincent is standing in the doorway. How long has he been here? Just how much of the conversation has he overheard?
āSorry for the wait,ā Yves says sheepishly. āI was getting us drinks.ā Evidently, heās been away long enough for Vincent to come check up on him, so heās already spent unreasonably long getting drinks, and now he doesnāt even have the drinks to show for it. āOr, I guess I got a little sidetracked, but I swear that drinks are on the wāā
Vincent leans in, unprompted, and kisses him.Ā
Yvesās brain grinds to a complete halt.
Itās only a moment later that Vincent pulls away, but the decisiveness with which heās carried it out, the broad confidence on his face as he smiles, unwavering, isā
Fuck.
āOh,ā Yves all but stammers. His face is most certainly red right now, and he canāt even blame it on the alcohol. āUm. Did you need anything?ā
āNo,ā Vincent says. Thereās something telling to his expression, some sort of quiet acknowledgement. āJust wanted to see what was takidg you so long.ā
Suddenly, it makes sense.
Vincent must have heard. Everything Brendon saidāor at least, the last part of it; the implication that Vincent isnāt as invested in this relationship as Yves is; the implication that their attraction towards each other is somehow one-sided. Vincent is doing this to cover for him, because he wants to make it excruciatingly obvious that Brendon is wrong.
The fact that he would go to such lengths to make a point makes something settle in Yvesās chest.
āItās actually good that you showed up,ā he says, playing along. āI donāt know what kind of drink you want. I was just going to get you something generic.ā
He heads over to the ice box on the other side of the kitchen, and Vincent follows.
Theyāre far enough that theyāre separated from Brendon by the granite islandāand, beyond that, the cushioned high stools lined up next to it, but not so far that Brendon canāt still see them.Ā
So he certainly can see, Yves thinks, this:
Yves leans in, reaching up a hand to cup Vincentās jaw, and closes the distance between them.
Itās nothing like the kiss at the New Yearās party.
That one had been all nervesābrief, impulsive, all adrenaline. This kiss is much more involvedāYves presses in closer, so close that he can feel the heat radiating from Vincentās skin, so close that he can smell the faint, not unpleasant smell of laundry detergent on Vincentās shirt collar. So close that he can feel the breath that Vincent exhales, warm on his cheek; can feel the softness of Vincentās hair as he shifts. He feels Vincentās hand settle on his chest, feels his fingers curl inwards to rest on the fabric of his shirt, andā
On the other side of the kitchen, Brendon is watching, and Vincent is hereāhere, present, in the flesh, looking as put together as always, looking like someone out of a goddamn magazineāso Yves kisses him like heās used to kissingāgreedily, as if heās been wanting this for ages. Itās been awhile since heās kissed someone like this. Back then, there was universityāthe people at parties who heād met and kissed out of momentary attraction, or out of alcohol-induced courageāthough of course back then, neither party had harbored any delusions about how impermanent that connection was, or how little it meant. And then there was Erika, who, for the longest time, he thought was going to be the last person heād ever kiss like this.
For months after theyād broken up, he hadnāt looked for anything. It felt wrong to subject othersāeven strangers, to which he had no allegianceāto the messy remnants of his feelings, to attempt to get into something he knew could only be half-hearted, at best, when there was a person in his mind who lingered so sharply.
But Vincent crowds up every corner of his mind, as if to say, pay attention, and Yves finds that for once, heās not thinking about Erika at all.
When he feels the small hitch in Vincentās breath, he thinks nothing of it.
Except, thenāabruptly, and with barely any warningāVincent is wrenching away, craning his head over Yvesās shoulder to let out a sudden, uncoveredā
āhh-hIIIHāhH-IIKTshHuh!ā
Their proximity to each other means he feels the way Vincentās body jerks forward under his hands, his chest tensing. For a moment after, the rigidness of his posture doesnāt dissipate, tension still strung through the line of his shoulders.
āBless you,ā Yves says, surprised.
Then Vincent curses under his breath, drawing away with a sniffle. āIāmb sorry,ā he says, sounding really, honestly panickedāa reaction which Yves finds both disproportionate to the situation and a little endearing. āThat wasā sorry, I shouldāveāā
āDonāt worry about it,ā Yves says, with a laugh; āI honestly couldnāt care less.ā Impulsivelyāand maybe to prove just how little it bothers himāhe leans back in.
Vincent is less hesitant, this time around, when it seems to register to him that Yves really doesnāt mind. Heās a surprisingly good kisserāYves probably isnāt the first person heās kissed, and he probably wonāt be the last, but the second Vincentās mouth works around his, Yves feels himself nearly go weak in the knees.
Fuck. Yves canāt say he expected to spend this evening making out with his very attractive coworker-slash-fake-boyfriend, but at the same time, he isnāt complaining. Yves thinks he could do this for hours, given the chance. He kisses Vincent as if to say, thank youāfor the New Yearās party, for going along with this, for lying on my behalfāand Vincent kisses him back as if he wants this just as much.
It registers to him, faintlyāas Vincent pulls away with a sharp gasp before he pitches forward, smothering another abrupt, wrenching sneeze into the palm of his handāthat heās probably dooming himself to Vincentās cold ten times over. But it occurs to him, too, that if he were really dating Vincentāif, after the party, theyād head back to Vincentās place together; if they were really close enough to share car rides and food and drinks on the regular, to see each other frequently both in the office and outside of itāhe wouldāve almost certainly caught this anyways.
Something about the intimacy of it, the false closeness it seems to imply, is a little intoxicating.Ā
When he finally pulls away, Vincent is breathing a little heavily, his glasses askew, his hair slightly unkempt from where Yves hadāmid-kissārun his fingers through it. Yves looks over his shoulder to see that Brendon has, at some point over the last few minutes, slipped off. Presumably, heās gotten the point, then.
Itās a relief. Yves is glad to not have to talk with him for any longer than he has to.Ā
āGod,ā Yves says, with a laugh. āWhere did you learn to kiss like that, anyways?ā
Vincent smiles. āIāve had some practice,ā he says, which Yves thinks must be a massive understatement. āDo you think it was convincidg?ā
āI donāt know what kinds of standards Brendon has,ā Yves says, lowering his voice so that heās certain no one outside of the kitchen will be able to hear. āBut Iād definitely be convinced.ā
āHe seems strangely idvested in our relationship,ā Vincent says.
Yves sighs. āI think he was just trying to make trouble. How much of our conversation did you hear?ā
āJust the tail end of it,ā Vincent says. āIāā
His gaze goes distant, which is the only warning Yves gets before heās turning away, steepling his hands over his nose and mouth with a forceful:
āhH-! hhH-hHāiiKTsSHH-uhh! Hh-! Hihā¦ HIIhāIzsSCCHhāhhh!ā
āBless you,ā Yves says.
Vincent is quiet for a moment, his expression still hazy, the irritation evident on his features, before heās ducking away again.
āhIiihāGKTTSHh-uhHh!ā
The sneeze is loud enough to scrape against his throat. It leaves him coughing a little, his eyes watering.Ā Ā
āBless you,ā Yves says, with emphasis. He takes a small stack of napkins off of the kitchen counter and hands it over to Vincent, who eyes it for a moment. Thereās a slight flush to his complexionāwhether itās from the alcohol, or from embarrassment, or from slight fever, Yves canāt tell.
āI hope you dodāt regret this in a few days,ā Vincent says, carefully extricating one napkin from the stack to blow his nose softly into it. āYouāā His breath hitches, sharply, and then heās pitching forward into the handful of napkins with a muffled, āhiiHhāIZSSCHh-uhh!ā
He emerges, sniffling, looking a little apologetic. āYouāll almost certaidly catch this.ā
Yves laughs. āItās fine. I know what I signed up for. Besides, Iām glad you stepped in.ā He kneels down, at last, to procure two drinks from the long-neglected icebox. āA cold was a small price to pay for getting out of that conversation.ā
He hands Vincent a drink. āCan I have a sip of yours? Now that Iāve doomed myself to it already, I suppose you donāt have to try so hard to keep me from catching it.ā
āThatās not very reassuring,ā Vincent says, but he lets Yves try some, nonetheless.
Brendon is suspiciously quiet for the rest of the evening. Neither he nor Erika so much as look Yvesās way, which Yves thinks is better than another confrontation. Vincent looks happyāa little tired, a little tipsy, but happy. At some point into the evening he resorts to crossing his arms as a means to keep warm (āIs it too cold in here?ā Francesca asks, passing him from where heās sitting on the couch, to which Vincent shakes his head quickly, his face flushing red. āIāmb just slightly under the weather,ā he says. āThe temperatureās perfect.ā to this, Francesca brings over a quilt from one of the closets and drapes it over his shoulders. āYour friends are very nice,ā Vincent says, pinning the quilt in place with one hand, and Yves laughs).
At some point, Francesca brings out a cake (āearl gray with buttercream,ā she says, āErika and I made a smaller one as a test run last week, and it was a little too dense, so weāll have to see how this one turned out.ā which Yves thinks is very impressiveāheās certainly better than average at cooking, but that expertise does not transfer well to bakingātruly, heās not sure heād be confident in his ability to pipe frosting in a straight line. When he tells Vincent this, Vincent laughs and says, āIām sure people would forgive you as long as it tasted good,ā to which Yves says, āI think youāre underestimating how bad I am at decorating.ā) Sheās piped small blue flowers around the periphery of it, and leaves that curl around the edges of the cake. Diane says, āthis is way too pretty to eat,ā and āare you sure you want us to destroy it,ā while Kennethātheir yearās Crew captaināhelps Francesca with setting up the candles around the periphery of the cake and lighting them one by one.
Francesca laughs when Erika tells a story about a series of errors pertaining to their last grocery store run and tears up when Marin gives a speech about how Francesca is the main reason she stayed in Crew. After that, everyone singsāfor a brief moment, the clamor in the living room becomes strictly unified. Then she blows out all the candles in one go, and everyone claps.
All in all, itās a good evening.
ā
Itās really not a surprise when Yves wakes up a few days later with a sore throat.
Itās not a surprise, either, when his nose starts running shortly after, or whenāa couple hours laterāa harsh, wrenching sneeze catches him off guard at work.
Itās as if that first sneeze has opened the floodgates. After that, he finds himself muffling sneezes into his elbow, scrambling for tissues from the rapidly depleting stashāa travel sized tissue pack that he keeps in his briefcase, just in case. The persistent tickle that settles in his nose seems impossible to appease, no matter how many times he sneezes, or how diligently he tries to ignore it. Worse, the sneezes are forceful enough to leave his throat feeling tender and painful, and violent enough that he finds himself coughing a little after.
Vincent was right. The cold isnāt particularly miserableāaside from the sore throat, heās a little tired, but he doesnāt feel strictly worse than usual. It is irritating, though, to deal withāand irritating, too, to be at the office as it settles in.
Itās probably not worth taking a sick day for. Itās more an annoyance than a tangible inconvenience. Besides, he has only a couple days left of work before itās the weekend, when he can catch up on sleep.
Heās scheduled himself for a morningās worth of back to back meetingsātwo meetings with clients, one with a coworker heās been working with to go over her findings, another status update meeting to review the work theyāve all done over the past few weeks.
Yves is prone to losing his voice when heās ill. Itās one of his most embarrassing tellsāitād certainly garnered more attention than heād wanted in college whenever he was under the weatherābut in a work setting where his participation in meetings is non-negotiable, with every meeting he takes, he can feel his voice get closer and closer to unusable.
His second meeting ends a few minutes early, which is a relief. But when he heads to the break room to make himself a cup of much-needed tea, he finds that the hot water machine is out of order.
Just his luck.
He pours himself a cup of cold water and looks through some of the storage cabinets for tissues, though he has no luck with that, either.
The office is always turned a notch too coolāair conditioned to keep everyone awake in the afternoonsābut today, it feels brutally, unnecessarily cold. He really shouldāve dressed warmer. Yves heads to the conference room his next meeting is booked in, speaks on the material heās prepared, and tries his best not to shiver too visibly. His meeting before lunch runs over, too, which is not uncommon, but today it just feels like insult to injury.
All in all, heās exhausted. He eats a quick lunch in the cafeteria, downs two glasses of water, and goes through an embarrassing number of cafeteria napkins.
āComing down with something?ā Stanley, one of his coworkers, asks him.
Yves smiles at him sheepishly. āI wish it wasdāt so obvious,ā he says.
āItās just the season for it, I think. Vincent was just sick last week.ā
āOh, was he?ā Yves says, feigning ignorance. His cold is definitely, most certainly not related to Vincentās. āI was just goidg to grab a bottle of hand saditizer to keep at my desk,ā he says, with a small cough. āI thidk thereās somethidg going around.ā
Thankfully, the afternoon isāfor the most partājust occupied with work. Still, itās becoming increasingly more difficult to focus on the financial statements in front of him, the slew of emails he has pulled up.
His nose is running fiercely, the trash can at the foot of his desk is close to overflowing, and the stack of napkins heād taken from the cafeteriaācertainly not an ideal solution, but itās the best one he can come up with at the momentāis almost entirely gone.
He grabs one off the top of the stackāheās only able to unfold it partially before heās jerking forward with a wet, spraying, āhhEHhāiiiZZSCHhāEW!āĀ
Fuck. The napkins, while infinitely better than nothing, are not as soft as tissues would have been. Given the frequency with which heās been using them, heās almost positive that his nose is redder than usual.
The next sneeze nearly catches him off guard. He barely has time to lift the napkin up to his face again before his breath hitches again, sharply.
āHhehhā¦ HEHhāāIIDDSCHhiew! hEHHāiITSSHhāYyew!āĀ
His nose is still running fiercely, and worse, the sneezes are loud enough to scrape against his throat. He thinks his voice is never going to recover if he keepsĀ this up.
From behind him, he hears someone clear their throat.
Yves freezes. His first thought is that heās probably being disruptive. His second thought is that even if he isnāt, whoeverās behind him must have been waiting to speak to him for some timeāheād just been too caught up with sneezing to realize, which is a little embarrassing.
His third thought isāwhoever it is, he wants to face them looking at least marginally presentable. Heās almost certain that right now, he doesnāt.
He blows his nose into the napkins heās holding, runs a hand through his hair, and pivots around in his office chair with a smile that is admittedly a little forced. āWhatās up?ā
He expects to see Cara, who heās been working more with, or perhaps Laurent, who heās been shadowing. But standing there, looking every inch as formal and as put together as he always does, is Vincent.
For a moment, Vincent just stares at him, as if heās cataloging Yvesās appearance in silence.
Yves tries not to fidget under his scrutiny. āDid you ndeed anythidg?āĀ
In lieu of responding, Vincent steps past him to set a box of tissues down at the edge of his desk.Ā
āI figured youād want this back,ā Vincent says.
Itās the same tissue box heād handed off to Vincent last week, he realizes, when Vincent was the one who had a use for it. Vincent has taken care to set it down at the same spot where it was initially: at the right edge, next to his monitor.
āThadk you,ā Yves says. āIļæ½ļæ½ll treasure it.ā
āThis, too,ā Vincent says, setting a mug down in front of him. Whateverās in there is hot enough to be steaming.
Yves muffles a cough into his hand. āWhat?ā
āTea,ā Vincent says, as if that explains everything. āChamomile, if it matters. I didnāt know if caffeine would keep you up.ā
āOh.ā Yves stares at it. āYou got the hot water machide workidg. It was broken this morning. Or maybe Iāmb just really bad at using it.ā
āActually, no,ā Vincent says. āI got this from the third floor.ā
āYou walked all the way up here from the third floor?ā Yves says, a little surprised.Ā Heās about to say more, but thenāin a progression that he should probably be used to by nowāhe finds himself succumbing, with little warning, to another sneeze, which he muffles into a perhaps-too-generous handful of tissues. At this rate, he might run out of them, even given Vincentās generous contribution.
āIt was just two flights of stairs,ā Vincent says.Ā
āStill,ā Yves says, lowering the tissues from his face so he can take a sip. The thought of Vincent precariously taking the tea up two flights of stairs, careful to not let it spill, just to get it to his desk is so endearing that he finds himself smiling. āThank you.ā
Vincent blinks at him, as if he wasnāt expecting to be thanked. āI donāt think it will keep you from losing your voice,ā he says, at last. āBut it might help with your sore throat.āĀ
Yves doesnāt remember mentioning that. āHow did you kdow I had a sore throat?ā
āHow do you think?ā Vincent says. āI had the same cold a week ago.ā
Even so, the idea that Vincent already probably knows, and knows intimately, how heās feeling right now, even though Yves hasnāt said anything about it, feels a little incriminating. Yves is under no illusion that his current affliction is subtle, by any means, but at the very least heād thought that the less visible parts of itāhis sore throat, the growing exhaustion, the pressure he feels building at his templesāwere things that no one else would have to think about.
āWas it this bad for you?ā he says. āIād feel terrible if I mbade you talk to all my friends if your throat was alreadyā Hh- heHh-! hHEH-heHhāiSSSchh-Iiew!ā
Itās a good thing, Yves thinks, hazily, that heās still holding onto the tissues from earlier. His nose is running again, and the tissues feel traitorously soft as compared to the napkins heās been using all day.
āNo,ā Vincent says, frowning. āI think you just wore your voice out at work.ā
āThat mbight be the case,ā Yves says. āI had a lot of meetidgs this morning. Ndow itās pretty much just heads-down work, thankfully.ā He muffles a yawn into one hand. Vincent is probably here for a reasonābut Vincent is usually very conscientious about the work he passes onto others, so whatever he needs Yves to do for him, Yves doesnāt expect it should take too long. āDid you ndeed me to look over somethidg?ā āI just wanted to see how you were feeling,ā Vincent says, which is not the answer Yves expects.
Yves blinks at him. āHow did you find out I was sick?ā
āI heard from Cara.ā
āAh.ā He probably owes Cara an apologyāheās sure that sheād probably prefer to work somewhere quiet, and his cold is certainly making that difficult. āYeah, she would kdow. Iāve been like this all dayāwell, sidce this mording, I guess.ā
āIt came on quickly for me, too,ā Vincent says. āCan I get you anything?ā
āItās just a cold,ā Yves says with a laugh. āIāll mbanage.ā He means for it to be reassuring, but Vincent just frowns, looking off to the side.
He looksā¦ strangely upset, Yves realizes.
āItās ndot really all that bad,ā Yves insists, backtracking. āAnd the weekendās coming up soon. Iāll catch up on sleep when I get the chance.ā Now is a really inopportune time to have to cough. He raises an elbow to his face to cough as quietly as he can, though the effort only seems to prolong the coughing fitāit leaves him slightly breathless, blinking away the tears that surface in his vision. āSeriously, donāt worry about it.ā
āIām sorry,ā Vincent says, quiet.
āFor what?ā
āFor giving you my cold.ā
āI dodāt think you can even take credit for that,ā Yves says. āI was the one who kissed you.ā
Vincent does smile, at thatāa small, almost imperceptible smile. āEven so.ā
Yves wants to tell him that he would do it again, if he had the chance to. He wants to tell Vincent how easy it had felt to kiss him, how right.
How it felt to forget about Erika, and Brendon, and all of itāeven if just for a momentāto feel so perfectly grounded in someone other than himself. To let himself experience the sort of closeness heās been scared of seeking out, after the breakup, after Erika, in fear that no one would ever fit quite the same. To lean into the warmth of someone who still, even now, continues to be kind to him for reasons he canāt quite rationalize.Ā
How long has it been since heās been able to place his trust into someone, blindly, in the way he trusts Vincent to keep up this act of theirs, to lie on his behalf? Vincent is nothing if not competent, but Yves hadnāt expected that competence to extend to this arrangement of theirs. How long has it been since Yves has been able to lean on someone the way heās leaned on Vincent, to trust someone to meet him where he is?
āFor the record, I dodāt regret it,ā Yves says. He finds that he really means it.
#snz fic#sneeze fic#snz kink#sneeze kink#parts of this are very self indulgent and familiar but also#this took me 3 weeks of writing every day after i came home from work to finish T.T#the number of hours i sat there just deleting and rewriting a few sentences#but it's done! at last! (and i will not look at it for the next 24 hrs)#thank you to everyone who read foreign home and left their thoughts on it!!#reading your tags makes me really happy š„¹ thank you#my fic#me writing vincent's part: just a slight cold :) not miserable at all#me writing yves's part: ...okay. maybe a little miserable#yvverse
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Batcina AU - Part III
Part I, Part II, Part IV
This is technically the last part I've planned for this AU since I want to write others. However, if you want to see a particular scenario for this universe, you are free to request it!
It takes months for Alcina to have the possibility to go and do what she actually wants instead of following an agenda that isn't hers.
She had been surpised when, at her return, didn't find the castle in shambles. It felt too good to be truth so just to be on the safe side she had made her way to the other Lord's home. Thankfully with her abilities, she didn't need to interact with them directly to find out if they were alive.
Nevertheless, Alcina decided that the best thing to do is to tell Mother Miranda what had transpired in the last weeks. The only thing that Alcina doesn't mention during her tale is you.
She doesn't want Mother Miranda to know about you for some reason, even when she usually tells her everything.
Mother Miranda comes to the conclusion that Alcina must have killed a decent amount of humans to cause an impact into their plan, big enough to make them retract for the time being.
However, not risking it, Mother Miranda still decides to warn the other Lords about a possible future attack. She knows how humans can be and she doesn't want to lose any of her pawns before she achieves her goal.
Alcina tries to focus on her daily tasks, to go on with her life, but she finds herself lost in thought often, thinking of you, wondering how are you, if you remember her from time to time.
Whenever she realizes what she's doing, she gets annoyed, scolding herself for such weakness.
She might have forgive you and grant you an amnesty so you wouldn't face your demise anytime soon, but that was it. You aren't anything especial, just a human that apparently isn't as awful as the ones she was used to.
Even so, the only thing that is able to distract her from you entirely arrives a few days later, when Mother Miranda gifts her with three corpses and the free card to experiment with them.
It's not unusual for her to experiment, very early on Mother Miranda told her it was going to be one of her duties, but Alcina is the one who looks out for the specimens for it.
Alcina achieves something different this time, and the day she brings them back to life, as mutant humans and not the monsters she usually creates, and her eyes met three pairs, you come back to her mind.
"Is this how it feels caring for someone? It is what they felt while I was under their care?"
She has a purpose now though, so she dedicates enough time to nurture the girls she now calls her daughters, to teach them they were a family and always protect each other and their home before finally giving up to whatever she's feeling instead of trying to ignore it.
And the only way to get the answers to her questions is forcing them out of you.
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In retrospect your life has not changed and nothing bad has happened to you but you simply can't get rid of the unhappy veil that has fallen on you.
There's nothing you can do about it though. Aware it's a mourning period that would pass with time and you simply have to try to be patient with yourself.
A knock on your door pulls you out of your thoughts, causing you to frown because it's not as if you received visits. You don't have friends nor family and whenever a knock was heard, it rarely meant anything good for you.
You stand up to open the door though, knowing it could be worse if you don't, depending who was on the other side.
You face an off-white wall that is shifting softly, and shamefully, it takes you until the clear of a throat to realize it's a person.
You know right away who is after that, and such knowledge speeds up your heartbeat.
Living in this village, you are not a stranger to Mother Miranda and the Lords. You know villagers revere them though you have never being a devouted.
You are aware is mainly out of fear not because they respect or accept what they practice, though there were some exceptions.
But the first and only time you've seen Lady Dimitrescu on the town (before your isolation), your first thought had been "I can understand why some villagers are so devoted, I wouldn't mind worship her."
Her unique height was what draw your attention and fascinated you, but you weren't blind, she was an incredible attractive woman.
Despite the admiration you feel for her, you are apprehensive for the visit. What could you have done wrong for her to come look at you in person?
You have heard what people said about her and the other Lords, the comments whenever you had to go down to the village and even tough you weren't fond of believing rumours just because, you did notice the disappearance of some people over time.
You never actively cared though. Why would you feel bad for the people who never show any kindness to you after they labelled you as a freak?
Deep down, you even considered it like the Universe has sent you a dark guardian angel to punish them for the way they treated you.
"L-Lady Dimitrescu." You bow shakingly. When you straighten up, you look up to make eye contact, not wanting to offend the lady in any way though perhaps what you were doing is much riskier.
Golden eyes are already waiting for yours, and when they lock, you feel a shiver while a familiar sensation washes you over, which confuses you because you two have never had eye contact.
Alcina is convinced that this time when you look at her, your eyes won't reflect the tenderness and affection she had gotten used to. The prospect bothers her but she knows what to expect from a human. So she's is totally taken aback when it doesn't happen.
There's caution in your eyes but not fear, and a glow that makes her feel warm.
You swallow slowly. "It's an honor to have you here, my Lady." You have no idea what's the reason for it, but you are sincere.
Alcina's lips part slightly but she holds back the gasp in the last second. That was different. In her bat form, when you referred to her like that, playfulness covered your words. Now, your voice was full of awe.
All her plans for how this encounter was going to occur suddenly vanished from her head.
She frows. Maybe she should go back to consider your dismiss, it would definitely make things simpler. But the simple idea of killing you, upsets her. "What's your name?"
You blink with bewilderment. Why is she looking out for you if she doesn't know who you are? "[Y/N], my Lady."
Lady Dimitrescu nods once sharply, looking at the surroundings as she tilts her head up regally. "I'm here to thank you for taking care of me a few months ago."
The words don't make any sense to you at first, but when the Lady makes eye contact with you again and the sensation of familiarity repeats itself, your eyes widen with realization.
Alcina smirks, pleased to finally have the upper hand in your interactions instead of the other way around.
When you are capable of react from your shock, you notice Lady Dimitrescu is walking away and without thinking, you head into her direction, doing the most stupid thing you've ever done in your entire life when you are close enough.
You don't count with the strength to make her stop but Alcina stops when your fingers wraps around her wrist, most likely taken aback by your gall.
Torn between amaze and annoyance, she regards you questioningly.
Aware that you are pushing your luck, you let her go, fidgeting with your hands. "Are you okay, my Lady? There is not any aftermath after the attack, is it?"
Alcina's stance softens and she wonders if you are ever going to stop surpising her. "I healed perfectly. Thanks to you."
The words make you blush and it's a sight Alcina relishes so she reaches out to brush your cheek with her thumb, deepening your redness.
"I just did what anyone would have done, my Lady," you whisper.
"We both know that's not true."
You know she's right. For most people it's easier to 'put a creature out of their misery' than taking the trouble and time of look after someone in need.
"Yes well, many humans suffer from a lack of brains." You normally keep your thoughts about people to yourself, so you cover your mouth with both hands when you realize you spoke out loud.
Lady Dimitrescu blinks once, twice and then laughs.
It's a miracle you remain standing when you feel your legs tremble due to the heavenly sound.
The Lady's reaction gives your the courage to ask, "Would you like some tea, my Lady?"
Alcina caresses you other cheek with an amused smile. "All right."
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A routine develops between you two where Alcina comes to visit you at least once a week.
Since your cabin is too small for her to enter, you keep your meetings in the garden just like the first time. Reason why you started to give more attention to it, wanting to look adequate for your Lady, even though she had never mentioned anything to make you think she wasn't pleased with the place.
Lady Dimitrescu asks you questions to know you better and you are pleasently surprised that she allows you to ask too. But there's a line that's unspeakable even though you have never put a boundary ā she never questions about why you live so far from everything and you never ask about the rumors.
In your case it was because you were certain having a confirmation or a negative wouldn't change things in any way.
You never know the day Lady Dimitrescu will come, but by now, any sound you heard from outside, you expect it's her.
Unfortunately, when you step outside, you encounter a group of men. You are able to recognize some of them but not others.
"Ah, none other than the freak. I should have imagine we wouldn't be so lucky to get rid of you definitely."
A man breaks through among the others but you don't need to see him to know who it is. You'll recognize that voice anywhere since it was the person who started the verbal attacks against you.
It only took a wrongful accusation from his daughter's part for him to start some sort of vendetta.
"You know her?" The man that seems to be the leader since he's at the front of the group asks him without looking away from you.
You grimace which makes your bully laugh. "Every town has a freak, though it seems we were blessed with more than one," he said sarcastically.
"A freak?" He scrutinizes you up and down. "Does she has any connection with her?"
"I think we all agree that that woman is an abomination but at least she has enough class to not get involved with this tasteless thing." He spits on the floor towards your direction.
Are they talking about your Lady? The words they are using are the last you'd use to describe her but it's more than clear that you don't have anything in common with these people.
"There might be a solidarity between freaks," a new voice from the group adds, followed by hoots of support.
"Lady Dimitrescu is not a freak." You know it's stupid to intervene. It's you alone versus at least ten men who only needed the label from one of their group to consider you unnatural and therefore an enemy. But you can't stand there listening them talk about the woman who has showed more interest and caring in you than your own race without doing anything about it.
If you die, at least there's going to be a reason for it.
And by the wrathful looks you receive, you know that's the only possible outcome. There's no opportunity to escape. Even if you are fast enough to go back to your house, it'll be easy for them to break in with the weapons they carried.
The only thing you lament is that you won't spend more time with your Lady.
Alcina is halfway from your house when she focus her hearing on you.
It has become almost instinctively for her to jump from hearing her daughters to you during her days to reassure herself everything's okay with each of you.
It amuses her the contrast between her daughters and you ā where they are chaotic and loud, you are quiet and calm. Two very different spectrums with the power to soothe her.
However, she notices there's something wrong in an instant, noticing your apprehensive heartbeat followed by a scream that puts her on edge.
She turns into a bat to shorten the distance faster and she's back into her human once she visualizes the cabin, arriving at the moment you are struck on the cheek, hard enough to make you fall onto the ground.
She sees red.
Whenever Alcina fights, she's focused and centered, almost looking like she's involved in a violent dance. Not this time. She's nothing but walking wrath who slashes whatever comes in her way. Her only goal is to get rid of the filth who was foolish enough to come bother you and put a hand on you.
She doesn't want to stop and ask questions, people like that don't deserve a chance. And even though she would have preffered to take her time and make them regret what they did and beg for forgiveness, she wants this over as quickly as possible to make sure you are okay.
After the first hit, you were expecting the next one. There's a graze that makes you shrink on yourself but it doesn't go further.
You remain motionless until the screams startle you and make you look around anxiously.
The commotion only lasts a couple of minutes but it's tricky for you to understand what's happening since you can only see a white blur and the men falling, one by one, to the ground in pieces.
Only when silence falls and Lady Dimitrescu stops moving, her extended claws dripping blood and even a bit of human remains, you finally understand.
Your dark guardian angel indeed.
You don't care she's covered in blood, not bothered what you had just witnessed. You stand up shakingly, the sound drawing Alcina's attention in your direction, who retracts her claws, hoping she hasn't traumatized you for life.
There's a brief moment of hesitation and concern from Alcina's part while you two make eye contact before you run towards her, throwing yourself at her and your Lady is swift to catch you in her arms, pulling you against her body.
Your arms wrap around her neck and you bury your face in the crook of her neck.
You are safe. You know it, and not only of this dangerous situation. You know that now there is someone in your life who cares for you. Someone who is willing to kill for you if necessary. For the first time in years, your body is able to recognize it too, relaxing entirely, which brings tears to your eyes that you are not able to hold back for so long.
"You are safe now, dragÄ. I'll keep you safe now." She reassures you, closing her eyes as she hugs you and nuzzles the side of your face, needing the comfort of your presence.
You sniff, tightening your arms around her while you nod. You suddenly chuckle. "I saved you first and now you saved me." You pull back to look at her but without breaking the hug. Not that Alcina would have allowed it since her hold doesn't falters.
She smiles amused. "Indeed we did." She turns serious. "Though I would definitely prefer if we can avoid these situations as much as possible." You remember the terror your felt when you saw your Lady about to be devoured by an owl and you nod. You don't want her to feel that way again, imagining that's what she felt. "Which is why I want you to come live in the Castle with me and my daughters."
Even though your eyes widen, you are not surprised. You know Lady Dimitrescu is proprietorial, you have noticed it in her bat form and it wasn't any different in the human one.
She sees you as hers. You don't know her what exactly but you are okay with the idea of being hers.
You look at your cabin, expecting to feel some sort of dread at the idea of leaving but it doesn't happen. The truth is that after today's invasion, the place feels stained and the idea of staying here alone doesn't thrills you.
Looking back at Alcina, you remove one arm from her neck to caress her jaw softly. Your eyes showing your adoration.
You have never initiate any contact with her, even when you were desperate to do it. She's always the one doing it, prompted by the way you blush whenever she does it. Now that she has allowed it and it looked she was okay with it, you don't want to stop touching her.
"Of course, my Lady. It will be an honor." You smile at her before burying your face back in the crook of her neck.
#alcina dimitrescu#lady dimitrescu#alcina dimitrescu x reader#lady dimitrescu x reader#i have been sick for over three weeks and that's why i took so long with this part#but i hope the wait was worth it!#thank you so much for every like/reblog/comment š„¹#means everything to me š„¹#hd.txt#hdad.txt#txt: ad
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Really enjoy For My Derelict Favourite. It isā¦ so funny.
I love Hestia. Hestia is such an asshole. She is the absolute worst. Sheās like āThe main characters made my boy sad, so Iām going to make them both wish they were dead.ā Relatable. I love that.
(Defending your faves problematic actions? I would never do that. *quickly hides all of my Bruce Wayne, Anakin Skywalker, Will Graham, etc defenses)
Caelus is perfect. When people say he tried to off himself just because the girl he liked didnāt like him back, theyāre doing him a disservice. The girl he liked basically called him irredeemable and a monster, she cast him aside because he did something she viewed as going too far, even though she still benefits from it. He lost his relationship with his best friend, who he grew up with and who he considered akin to his brother. He was forced to question his own actions, he feels like he poured all his love out only for it to be worthless in the end, he gave up so much for his friends. And he still smiled at their wedding and congratulated them.
Like. Come on. She basically demonized him in the eyes of the entire continent. I would be a bit upset too if I gave someone every part of me and they threw it aside and called me a monster but still continued to use everything I gave them. Caelus is right to be depressed, he lost everything. He lost his best friend, he lost his father figure, he lost his first love, he lost his confidence, he lost his status in peopleās eyes. It isnāt as simple as āshe didnāt like him, so he tried to kill himself.ā
And the romance being Caelus getting all the love and attention he gave his first love from someone? The romance being a parallel to how hard he worked for her, this person is working just as hard for him? All the times he stood up for her, now someone is standing up for him? All the times his friends left him to do paperwork, now someone is sitting down and doing the work with him? All the times she was unclear about who she liked more, and now this person is willing to confess their love for him even when heās not around?
Itās reallyā¦ niceā¦
I also really like Helios. His and Hestiaās relationship is hilarious. They hate each other. Theyāre best friends. They canāt even look at each other without cringing. They spend time together constantly. And itās like, Helios doesnāt even try to win her over once he falls for her? Because?? He knows Caelus loves her??? And heās trying? To make up? For everything???? Meaningful, lovely, wonderful, let the boys be friends again, Helios is so sad.
I like the sort of obsessive, āmy fave can do nothing wrong,ā narrative. Someone else pointed out that the story is similar in this way to Scum Villain, and I agree. The ultimate fanboy/girl gaining the affections of their favourite character by showing their favourite character the love and care nobody else gave them? I love it.
I also just really relate to Hestia fangirling every time she sees Caelus, like, I literally start stimming every time I see my favourite characters, she is so relatable, I, too, am unable to look my faves directly in the eye for fear of being blinded.
#the inane ramblings of a madman#for my derelict favorite#fmdf#hestia#helios#caelus#i donāt super like diana#but like#thatās means success on the storyās part iām p sure#i love cael#heās just lounging around#in his slutty depression shirt#i love his random little hobbies that hestia catches him doing#flower arranging painting etc#i totally get you hestia#this guy was willing to kill people for his love#like that is peak (fictional) romance#i love those nut jobs who cut down everyone in their belovedās way#iām so happy every time hestia does for caelus#what caelus has done for diana#itās soā¦ meaningful and sweet š„¹
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THE BEST OF PRIORITY: THE CITADEL (PART 2)
Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Maj. Kaidan Alenko With: Councilor Donnel Udina, Councilor Tevos, Councilor Laiel Sparatus, Cmdr. Armando-Owen Bailey, and Kai Leng And a Special Guest Appearance by: The Illusive Man But sometimes the way a thing goes down does matter, Sophie. Later- when you have to live with yourself. Knowing that you acted with integrity- then it matters. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs āØ#sophie shepard#james vega#EDI#kaidan alenko#shenko#fshenko#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#jamesās panicked face as the shuttle goes down you will always be famous to me bc you are so relatable#at this point i just know the normandy crew is not letting shep EDI or james near anything mechanical anymore#(something mechanical explodes around them on literally every mission at this point- cars.. bombs.. ships.. you name it!) :)#the way i didnāt even realize EDI and kaidan were wearing matching armor on this mission until i got to the elevator and i- š„¹ (blue crew!!)#but like- the way when soph gets off the elevator and kaidan has the gun drawn and she tells them to lower their weapons??#and EDI and james donāt even hesitate? THOSE ARE MY BABIES!!! THATS MY SQUAD RIGHT THERE!! THE LEVEL OF TRUST BETWEEN THESE THREE!! š„¹š„¹š„¹#and they don't raise their weapons again?? not until soph raises hers?? like it's the level of trust between her and them for me š„¹#i will say i talk a lot about how me3 shenko canon doesnāt really follow my own shenko canon (and my canon coup is MUCH DIFFERENT)#but something i noticed about the coup that i really liked? when kaidan has his gun drawn on shep you can see his hands shaking a little#itās SO SUBTLE (and itās easier to notice when youāve got the video slowed down) but like?? the way his hands arenāt steady??#when he has the gun drawn on someone he loves?? i cried a bit making that gif ngl š„ŗ#the soft little āyou wonātā from shep after āi better not regret thisā makes me š„ŗ every time.#thereās a canon reason soph doesnāt take the renegade interrupt but part of it is bc i like kaidanās convo on the docks better :)#speaking of the docks the intro to the convo is a bit nonchalant but i like kaidanās speech about integrity/living with your decisions#and the conversation between him/shep about what happened on the landing pad (though i wish it was a tiny bit longer!!)#thereās no āi feel like you would have taken me outā line in the sophā¢ļø canon but we supplemented it with some rewriting bc loose canonā¢ļø#(she never draws a gun on the landing pad either but thatās a story for the actual canon š)#and yes i gifāed the ass shot. thereās only one valid ass shot in the series and itās this one! and you can quote me on that! āØ
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Thank you guys so much for all the cute picrews you replied with š„¹š„¹š„¹ im obsessed seeing what you've come up with!!!! Here are some I made š¤š¤
+ ones my friends who know nothing about f1/vettonso made:
Friend on the left: why did she make Fernando into such a fuckboy šš and i was like "...hahaha yeah that cape outfit is from another thing I made :)"
Other friend of the right: she said she was trying to make them look like other characters. I think she said Fernando was one of the Three Musketeers and Seb was Luke Skywalker djkfkgl. And she also forced me to give a "presentation" on the racesuit ref PowerPoint I made ššš
I love how they didn't question the shipiness of it at all hahaha, one of them was like "oh are these your gay racing drivers? Very cute :)"
#some time ill try and make a commentary post abt the process and my thoughts abt all of it#i meant to do it last night when my thoughts were fresh#but i was too tired š and now i forget what i wanted to sau#lol using it now when its finished#im like jfc i put so many options š#now i just want to make a giant compilation post#thats like: 'rainbow of vettonso'#or uhhhhhhh....50 shades of vettonso š¤š¤#bcs like..man i drew every racesuit#I NEED THEM TO BE SEEN#that was honestly the easiest part byw#it was like a coloring book once i finished the base š„°#if you want ill post my 42 slide powerpoint of reference pics DJFKGKKGLV#so chaotic#but thank you guys for using it!!!!!#im so happy š„¹š„¹š„¹#forcing everyone in my life to make their own vettonso >:)#catie.rambling.txt
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Assorted screenshots from The Cursed Heart Book 2, part 20 of ?
(Subtitled: The Bath Scene, a.k.a. The Romantic Poetry Continues)
#āi want every part of you. every version. now and futureā š„¹#playchoices#choices: stories you play#the cursed heart#tch book 2#prince kieran#kieran x mc#screenshots#original post
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good morning everybodyā¦ i had a dream i started working on a beautiful document abt envyautumn vn containing character bios, themes, plot points and inspirationsā¦ and then I woke up and executive dysfunction exists
#why would my subconscious taunt me like this#heres a dream where you can easily do things that you enjoy.#now return to reality. fucker.#š#AND ALSO I HAVE A TUMMY ACHE.#literally waking up every day is like gacha rolling which part of my body hurts#le dies#my dreams#I have been intending to make this document. for like. weeks now#but I canāt do it today bc I have to do laundry#š„¹#the next few days until Christmas are all busyā¦
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#éč#å°éµ°č±éå³#éåŗøę¦äæ äøē#éé#é»č#legend of the condor heroes#all adaptations are lovely in their own ways#the best part is that each and every adaptation I have ever watched still gave me the squee(s) when it comes to JingRong#an evergreen OTP#they never fail to make me high pitch squee in fangirl-shipper excitement#they are so adorable and sweet together#their harmonious and respectfully egalitarian qualities are forever THE STANDARD#and reminds me that no male fictional character gets me like Guo Jing#what can I say except that āI have boring tastes#all those sexy villains/antagonists only get me so far before I lose interest after a while#I just swoon over how staidly dull GJ is in his unexciting displays of virtues#and his exceedingly respectful care and consideration for HR#no bells-or-whistles in his expressions of love#but you really know this man loves HR to bits#although he made some mistakes obviously#and well HR loves her earnest Jing-GeGe a bit too much#and they were young and foolishly in love LOLāØš„¹š„°š«”šāāļø#and despite their final fates#I do agree that (relatively speaking) they had a fully realized HE for their circumstances#for which I am very thankful to éåŗøå
ē#enjoying the 2024 adaptation and having so much fun fangirling over this forever OTP#JingRong OTP/CP#and I canāt stress enough how much I love the latest adaptationās Huang Rong#she is just so adorable and cunning (as HR should)
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"If you're feeling the same way, I wish you better than our time together. Leave everything behind, hope you come across something more than better"
If anyone tells you Empty Box lyrics don't cut deeper than a knife they're lying to you and you should run the other way. This song is such an underrated gem of lyrical and emotional awareness its insane.
#ateez#golden hour: part 1#hope you come across something more than better LEGIT BREAKS MY HEART EVERY SINGLE TIME I HEAR IT š„¹š#like THAT is the feeling i want everyone you end up forgetting or leaving behind to feel AHHHHHH spain without the s fr
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Ebenezer sending Bess flowers in the middle of the day with notes like, "Thinking of you", "For my greatest happiness", "You are the love of my life", "Because I love you", "These flowers pale in comparison--I send them to you for lessons on beauty", or "Just because".
And Bess just getting all blushy and bubbly and being tickled with butterflies for the rest of the day because she feels so romanced and appreciated and so, so in love. šShe will most definitely be thanking Ebenezer for the flowers later.
#she goes from one relationship where romance doesn't even exist to THE relationship where romance is as much a part of the world as oxygen#you deserve every ounce of it bessš„ŗ#scrooge 2022#netflix scrooge#ebenezer scrooge#scrooge a christmas carol#scrooge#scrooge x oc#fanfiction#ebenezer x bess#ebeness#he is SO good to her#and so good FOR herš„¹
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,,,,,thinking about how one of the scariest things you can tell a fanfic writer on here is that you think you know them irl. at least thatās just my personal opinion. hbu? š
#PLS THE WAY I THINK ABOUT THIS ALMOST EVERY DAY#AND ESP W MY LAST POST OMG#like what if one day i just receive an anon ask saying they think they know me irl#LIKE ??? hi? who are you? how did you find me?? š#i share way too much on here about a whole different side of my life that i donāt show to just anybody š#esp not irls š#and ik a lot of kpop stans and engenes irl#and iāve given too much real info on this blog for them to identify me if they somehow do find this blog#iām crying out of fear rn yāall#praying this never happens to any of yāall or me š„²šš»#no but if you think yk me irl PLS lmk either through an ask or dm I NEED TO KNOW PLS DONT HIDE IT FROM ME#not me thinking iām some celebrity or smth but this part of tumblr is v niche#and ik too many kpop stans š#AND IN MY LAST POST IF YOU SOMEHOW THINK YK WHO IM TALKING ABOUT PLS REACH OUT TO ME OMGJSJDND#but thereās no wayā¦right? š„¹#em speaks
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haven't been able to stop thinking abt mary very likely tying her worth as a woman to her beauty and productivity and how the illness thoroughly ruined both of those for her.
the incumbent loss of self-esteem combined with her growing anger and helplessness at her situation, leading her to lash out at those closest to her. feeling guilt for not only causing her loved ones pain in that way but for her even being angry in the first place because a woman takes her pain with grace and poise and with a smile on her face. (a real woman isn't pathetic and ugly like her).
the tragedy of it all in mary's failing to realize that her anger was probably the most justifiably human response to her situation that she could've had, and that while she felt genuine guilt for the pain she caused with her anger, she shouldn't have relentlessly chastised herself for something she fundamentally couldn't help in her being terminally ill.
#stormy shouts#JAMES AND MARY TO ME WERE BOTH IN THE GENDER MINES BATTLING WARS OF ALL KINDS#it wasn't just james to me...#and also... neither james nor mary were well-equipped to handle their situation#the negligence to see mary on james' part to me stems from unaddressed trauma due to the abuse he experienced as a child#and that if maybe if james was also willing to talk#ACTUALLY talk#about how he feels and felt and what have you#that they would've been able to reach a better place where it didn't have to end in mary's premature death by his hand#bcs mary was always always waiting for james#missed him so fucking much#and i think in her waiting she WANTED to talk to james#wanted to say sorry for her behavior in full#but combined with james' keeping away + his pervasive need to be stalwart and stoic in the face of pain#bcs that's what men are supposed to do#they never did talk#and mary only every got that chance in her letter š„¹#FUCK my LIFE
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and yes im replaying my otc (one true character) again 1. because of the clown make up but 2. bc when i looked at astarion in a thumbnail of a yt video recommendation i thought 'i dont even know you anymore'
#hkddidkdk it is that serious!!!!!#none of my other characters have him in the party so seeing that image i was truly like 'šµ whooooo is that girl i seeeešµ'#and thank GODDD i did bc this way i discovered that all the other times getting gale was overriding some camp dialogue with astari0n#and shad0wheart AND bc having gale and getting that overriding scene triggers astari0n sneaking into the woods which THEN overrides#a brief scene of introspection from your main character#so yes by long resting somehow EVEN MORE frequently i was able to get even more dialogue with my faves that i missed#and to me extremely importantly a scene that adds more development to my beloved aka my character#but listen...... i dont know if i can do this...... idk if i can have wyll being a warlock š¤§š¤§š¤§#i like to have pure class builds for everyone in my (one true) characters campaigns to keep it more authentic to me#but i just cant make myself play warlock a single time more it just sucks every bit of joy from my being ā°ļø#like i gotta do 4 warlock/8 paladin right? its lore accurate right š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹#(okay i just read these tags and the sentence structure/grammar is actually unforgivable#but in my defense its 8am and i havent slept and writing tags on mobile is hard bc you cant see what youve written ā°ļø#maybe you can still get what i was trying to say even tho some of the parts of sentences dont connect š„¹)#(actually no its not understandable at all. the 'thank godddd i did' in the beginning is referring to me starting this replay. this is#the only correction i have the energy to make hjffkjdkdkd)
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