#and mary only every got that chance in her letter 🥹 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

loudmound · 1 year ago

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haven't been able to stop thinking abt mary very likely tying her worth as a woman to her beauty and productivity and how the illness thoroughly ruined both of those for her.

the incumbent loss of self-esteem combined with her growing anger and helplessness at her situation, leading her to lash out at those closest to her. feeling guilt for not only causing her loved ones pain in that way but for her even being angry in the first place because a woman takes her pain with grace and poise and with a smile on her face. (a real woman isn't pathetic and ugly like her).

the tragedy of it all in mary's failing to realize that her anger was probably the most justifiably human response to her situation that she could've had, and that while she felt genuine guilt for the pain she caused with her anger, she shouldn't have relentlessly chastised herself for something she fundamentally couldn't help in her being terminally ill.

#stormy shouts #JAMES AND MARY TO ME WERE BOTH IN THE GENDER MINES BATTLING WARS OF ALL KINDS #it wasn't just james to me...#and also... neither james nor mary were well-equipped to handle their situation #the negligence to see mary on james' part to me stems from unaddressed trauma due to the abuse he experienced as a child #and that if maybe if james was also willing to talk #ACTUALLY talk #about how he feels and felt and what have you #that they would've been able to reach a better place where it didn't have to end in mary's premature death by his hand #bcs mary was always always waiting for james #missed him so fucking much #and i think in her waiting she WANTED to talk to james #wanted to say sorry for her behavior in full #but combined with james' keeping away + his pervasive need to be stalwart and stoic in the face of pain #bcs that's what men are supposed to do #they never did talk #and mary only every got that chance in her letter 🥹#FUCK my LIFE

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