#every once n awhile it just lays on me heavy and i get a lil pensive n melancholy for a while but other than that its not like
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rpgbabe · 2 months ago
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girl love is so pure and i honestly just wanna cry sometimes bc i dont have that...................................................... and probably never will</3
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yamahex · 3 years ago
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Relax
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Summary: Jack comes Home from a rough day at work so you decide to help him with a massage
Pairing: Jack Harlow x Female Reader
Content Warning: (17+) Suggestive fluff
A/N: I’m very tired and I have a headache but wanted to get out something so people could get a feel for my work and not just have a empty blog to look at , hope you enjoy!
“Ma I’m home. ” Jack stated tiredly as he entered your darkened shared house and took off his shoes. It was normally around 2 am when Jack came home from the studio, but you were usually always still up around that time anyway.
His heavy footsteps echoed through quiet hallway while he continued to make his way to your guys’s room. There you sat in in bed scrolling through your phone in nothing but some of your sleep shorts and one of jacks shirts.
You looked up to meet his tired eyes and slouched posture as he stopped in the doorway of your room. He looked as if he could pass out at any second.
“Aww babe” you made a tiny pout on your lips as you walked on your knees with your arms out to the edge of the bed. He moved like a zombie heading into your arms.
Once he reached you at the edge of the bed you wrapped your arms around his torso and laid your head between his stomach and chest. You could feel the tenseness within in his whole body.
“I missed you today mamas” he said in a sleepy voice while stroking the hair on the top of your head.
“I missed you too bub” you said taking in his warmth.
“How was the studio?”
“It was alright I guess. I’m just so damn tired it’s hard for me to focus on anything.” He said as he sat down next to you.
You went behind him and started to rub his shoulders.
“Bub you’re so tense! You need to learn to take a few breaks every once in awhile” you muttered light scolding him.
Jack let out a low groan as you continued to put pressure on the tense muscles.
“I know, I know.” Brushing off your statement, too focused on the feeling of your hands.
“Fuck” he said lightly under his breath causing your thighs to squeeze a lil.
His head leaned back and his eyes closed as you continued to massage his shoulders.
You laughed to yourself shaking your head. “How about you lay down and I rub your back till you fall asleep?” You asked tilting your head slightly in front of him.
He instantly nodded then tilted his head back down to press a soft but needy kiss on your lips.
This kiss began to grow more needier by the second. Your eyes closed and thoughts began to race as your tongues interacted.
You pulled away earning a small whimper from Jack when he opened his eyes to look at you. “I said massage not make out” you’d said while giggling.
Jack smacked his teeth while grabbing your hand and placing it on his clearly hardened sweats. “Cmon Ma you got me worked up”
As much as you wanted to help him out you knew he was way too tired for anything sexual. (Talk about blue balls)
“You need to get some rest, plus I don’t want you falling asleep on me while we’re having sex” you pulled your hand away gently smacking his arm as he rolled his eyes.
“Now lay down and relax” Jack took off his shirt leaving him just in sweats. He laid face down on the bed while you got up to straddle his back.
You once again started working his muscles with your hand, applying pressure to where he needed most and asking him where it hurt. Not long after he stopped replying and you could hear the soft sounds of his snores from under you.
You giggled and got off of him then threw the comforter over him and kissed his forehead. Just as you turned off the light he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you into him. You smiled to yourself.
“I love you Ma.”
“I love you you too bub, goodnight.”
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moonlit-han · 4 years ago
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nxt 2 u: mornings with stray kids ↠ all members
genre: imagine/reaction, fluff, domestic bliss, established relationship au word count: 3k warnings: highly suggestive, 18+ themes, swearing request: yes but also no? a/n: femme-leaning reader~
✧ masterlist & tag list info in bio ✧
↠↞
bang chan
you roll over at the sound of chan mumbling in his sleep
he kinda wakes up
just a little blearily
and gives you this huge smile (♡‿♡)
bc you're actually there, the love of his life
and he still can't believe he's lucky enough to wake up beside you every day
so you snuggle closer and kiss his nose
then his eyelids
and finally his mouth so gently
channie just curls more tightly to you and pulls you to his chest
his hair is all tousled in the cutest way
like one part of it is sticking up like a lil cat ear (or wolf ear, since it's chan)
and you kinda just melt when you notice it
you can’t resist combing your fingers through his hair
when he finally wakes up
chan peppers your face with kisses, 
carefully sliding on top of you
to then slowly, so slowly kiss you
his hands travel all over you, slipping under the old t-shirt of his you’re wearing
and soon you’re wriggling under him, wanting more (*/ω\)
so chan works what seems like magic with his hands and/or mouth
until your toes are curl and you feel like you’re going to burst
but chan just grins and rolls off the bed
leaving you gasping and mildly grumpy ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚
but you still get up to make blueberry pancakes
bc it’s saturday and that means blueberry pancakes  ( `^´ )ノ*:・゚✧
so you’re standing at the counter, combining the ingredients and waiting for the griddle to heat up
chan comes in after taking a shower
and is so overcome with tenderness at how sweet you look
just standing there in the kitchen,
still in his t-shirt and your underpants
so he wraps his arms around you from behind
and presses himself against you, teasing again a little
he nuzzles your neck, just begging for kisses
so soon, the stove is turned off and breakfast almost forgotten
as you stumble, giggling, back into the bedroom to cuddle and kiss more
and when you’re just about falling asleep
bc who needs to be awake on a saturday morning?! ┐(︶▽︶)┌
chan looks just as adorable and soft as he did earlier in the day
and you let him curl into your arms again
as you hold him and kiss the top of his head
adfghakldfhg he's just the sweetest floofkins (*´▽`*)
lee minho
i know i’ve compared minho to a cat before
but hear me out
minho in the mornings is mildly hilarious
bc even if he’s completely curled into a ball when he falls asleep
or spooning you sweetly
or whatever other fascinating position you fall asleep in together
he ends up stretched out
with at least one arm and one leg thrown over you
snoring softly
just. like. a. cat.
and you often find yourself unable to move
bc minho’s surprisingly heavy when he’s asleep
complete deadweight (╥��╥;)
but as soon as you brush the little stray hairs from his forehead
and kiss his shoulder
he stirs and groans a little, just settling deeper into the mattress
….which means more snugly onto you
heCk (¬_¬;)
so you wriggle around a little more
and finally manage to get your leg free from underneath of minho’s
as usual, you climb on top of minho and sit squarely on top of him
………
and start tickling him (≧◡≦)
THAT definitely wakes minho up
his lips poke out a little in a pout, all of their own accord
but he can’t really do anything about the fact that you’re tickling him
bc you’re sitting right on his hips, pinning him to the bed
the ~intimacy~ of the position, despite the fact that you’re tickling him, is not lost on either of you
and, being the little shit that he is, minho bucks his hips up once or twice
you just give him a mock glare and say “bad kitty”
before tickling him with renewed enthusiasm
(not to mention giving him little kisses on the neck and teasing ones on the ear)
once his ribs start to hurt from laughing,
minho just pulls you into a deep kiss
and you both relax
you love how sweet he is in the morning
nothing is hurried nor desperate
bc all minho wants to do is softly show you how much he loves you
you share little, soft touches that nonetheless feel like the most important things in the world
seo changbin
changbin’s arms around you is the best thing in the world
you’re barely awake and everything is blissful softness
if your feelings and the atmosphere could be described as a color,
it would be peach~
golden and warm, with just a hint of sweetness ;)
you snuggle into changbin’s chest, nestling your hips more closely with his
and you get a little kiss on the head
changbin is calm and cuddly in the mornings
and all he wants to do is hold you
sometimes you’ll end up with him closer than skin-to-skin
but it’s honestly more for comfort than anything else
how can he resist yet another way to be closer to you and cozy?
after awhile, you turn over slightly and kiss the underside of his chin
he giggle softly
……he’s a bit like totoro:
comfy
definitely a little magical
((yes, i’m still on my “changbin is a shapeshifting crow” agenda))
and just A Good BeanTM
(♡‿♡) (♡‿♡) (♡‿♡)
you scoot up onto the pillow a bit so you’re face-to-face
changbin just murmurs “hey baby” and gives you a lil kiss on the lips
his lips are so soft you feel like you’re going to melt
he makes sure to pull the blankets back over your shoulders so you aren’t cold
and he rubs your back in slow circles
tension you didn’t even know you were holding releases under his touch
and changbin’s hand drifts to your hip to hold you to him
you tangle your legs together
and he somehow pulls you closer
you’re really not sure how he manages it
but changbin can hold you and cuddle you so closely that you feel like you’re going to merge into one person
there’s nothing sexy about it or anything
it’s just that the warm, safe feeling you get is so amazing
neither of you are anywhere near fully awake
and drift in and out of sleep, sometimes shifting to a more comfortable position
when you finally wake, changbin is still sleeping soundly
you take the opportunity to stare at him
his hair is mussed (a bit wildly)
and he has the first little bits of stubble coming down from his sideburns
a little smile adorns his mouth, as if he’s dreaming about something lovely
((you. he’s dreaming about you :3 ))
you slip your arm up to stroke changbin’s face
your thumb passes over the rounded plane of his cheekbone
and, even in sleep, he leans into your touch
after a few more moments, you lightly kiss him awake
hwang hyunjin
you’d expect hyunjin to be a complete mess in the mornings
but he’s not
he’s actually organized
oh and since his hair can get aaaaaall over the place
he always makes sure to braid it out of the way at night
so in the mornings, little wisps of hair stick out from their appointed places
one of your morning habits is to delicately tuck those wisps of hair back into place
on the weekends, hyunjin is
so! excited!! to!!! cuddle!!!! you!!!!! ☆*:.。.o(≧▽≦)o.。.:*☆
and loves kinda pouncing on you as soon as your eyes open
kisses you all over
and rolls the two of you around on the bed
and he’s just holding your hips the entire time, rubbing small circles into them
as he kisses you so damn sweetly
alkdfhgskdjfh
and if you playfully nip at his bottom lip?
he’ll just do it right back
your rolling around has turned into more too many times for you to count
and honestly, it’s kinda the best
so sweet and slow
like you’re the most precious jewel in the world
he  t a k e s  h i s  s w e e t  t i m e ( ̄~ ̄ )
and sometimes all you can do is hold on to the sheets for dear life
unless you’re supposed to meet your parents at 11 a.m.
in which case, you’d better be ready
gotta go fast, as they say~ (⊙‿⊙✿)  
but even then, mornings with hyunjin are still sweeter than caramel
his normally plump lips are even more so when he’s just woken up
and the way he squints his eyes against the sun?
that’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen
sometimes he’s just calm in the mornings
and you lay your head on his chest
and listen to his heartbeat
as hyunjin strokes your hair and gives you a little neck massage
it’s so peaceful and you wouldn’t trade snuggling with hyunjin for the world
han jisung
does not want to get out of bed
nope
no fucking thank you \\\٩(๑`^´๑)۶////
there really should be a sign on his door or bed like
WARNING: Do Not Try to Remove Squirrel from Natural Habitat!!!!!
secondary warning: squirrel may bite if forcibly removed from natural habitat
he will cling to you better than an octopus
alkjdhgadlkfjghadfkgjl
jisung nuzzles into your neck like there’s no tomorrow
and the loose strands of hair falling around his face tickle your skin a little
instead of kissing your neck over and over,
jisung just kinda pouts and keeps his lips lightly against your skin
it’s really sweet hhhhhh (o´▽`o)
if he’s ~ in the mood ~ be prepared for WhiningTM
and for your pajamas to disappear faster than chan’s ears turn red when he’s embarrassed
is it gonna be fast? slow? who knows! (・_・ )
let the fates decide and just go with it
bc either way, you’re going to need to change the sheets and take a shower
you may also find yourself turned into a burrito one morning
bc jisung loves all the blankets
and thinks you’re cute as hell all rolled up in them
…..like a burrito 。・゚(゚⊃ω⊂゚)゚・。
and he will immediately lay down on top of you, the burrito, and begin to munch
and by munch i mean kiss you so thoroughly you’ll barely remember your name
he only gets like that if he’s been awake for at least an hour
hhhhhhhh
so when he first opens his eyes, rubbing his face a little and yawning
his first inclination is to make sure you’re still there
and then he just snuggles closer, kinda tucking his head under your chin or on your shoulder
as you also wake up, you make sure to kiss his forehead and tell him you love him
it’s a little ritual almost~
you’d both miss it if you didn’t do that
and you just shift a bit so you can hold jisung even tighter,
threading your fingers through his hair
and kissing the tips of his ears, as if they have little points
you lay there together, just enjoying the warmth of not one, not two, not three, but four comfy blankets and each other
until jisung’s a bit more awake
his hair is so messy when he finally sits up
and his lips are a little dry and swollen from sleep
when he finally speaks, his voice is super husky and deeper than usual
and, frankly, you think it’s the hottest thing ever
when you’re together, he usually doesn’t wear a shirt to sleep, either
so in the morning you’re just blessed with the sight of a shirtless jisung
whose voice is at least half an octave lower and slightly gravelly
it’s just;;;
alkfhgalkdjfhgldkjfsjfhks
invariably, you end up pulling him right back down next to you and booping his nose
then kissing him
a lot
and, sometimes, you don’t get out of bed until noon
because why would you when it’s safe inside the blankets? (⌒▽⌒)♡
lee felix
wraps arms and legs (anything else he can manage but idk what) around you
bc damn it you’re there with him and you’re gonna be close!!!!
the cuddliest in the morning
but then again….will gladly wriggle down to the foot of the bed
and make you a scream
felix: softly, y/n!! don’t wake the neighbors!
y/n: how am i… supposed to- Fuck! stay quiet when you- damn it, ’lix… keep doing that!!?
*giggles from felix* (≧◡≦)
but most importantly
he literally just wants to hold you
and enjoys making you laugh by rumbling his voice in his chest
after all, it’s considerably easier to do first thing in the morning
and is quite proud of the fact that his voice is deeper in the mornings
yawns kinda loudly????
but does that slow eye and nose scrunch he does
to clear the sleep from his eyes a little
it’s the cutest thing ever
also learned the “make my significant other into a burrito” trick from jisung (-_-;)
so now you’re a burrito practically every single morning
there’s actually something comforting about being swaddled
and also like jisung
(((dear god they must share notes akhfskdhj)))
he flops down on top of you to cuddle the living daylights out of you
felix will give you all the gentle kisses in the world
definitely sings that frank sinatra song “fly me to the moon” to wake you up
before kissing each of your fingers, your palm, your wrist, and all the way up your arm before finally
finally
reaching your lips
and he just murmurs sweet nothings to you
as he kisses you every way and everywhere he knows how
felix likes to lay beside with you, hands laced together
and talk about what you’ll do together that day
bc there’s so much he wants to do with you (*¯ ³¯*)♡
and show you and cook for you
and he’s just so full of love
that he ends up bounding out of bed
and pulling you with him, even if you’re both still half-asleep
just so you can start your day together
although, you usually have to stop him from running out the door still in his pajamas
with the cutest bedhead ever
a small part of you wants to see what would happen if he went out like that
but then again…
you also want to be the only one who sees felix in such an utterly free state of being
kim seungmin
seungmin is extremely soft in the mornings
he really likes to just hold you to his chest with his cheek pressed against the top of your head
kisses your temple from time to time
and just holds you on top of him, hand pressed to the small of your back
he likes to tell you about the previous day when you’re just laying there together
and sometimes doesn’t mind if you fall back asleep while he’s talking
he actually finds it rather cute
seungmin likes to spoil you in the mornings
whatever that means to you
either food
(he’ll make you an amazing breakfast
like absolutely everything you could ever want
and probably more)
or ~ love ~
(…maybe, if you make a good case for it
does not take these things lightly ( ̄ヘ ̄) )
or giving you a massage
whatever
you do like massages tho
and seungmin’s particularly good at them
he makes sure to get lotion or body oil
and that his hands are warm
bc no one likes a massage from someone with cold hands
then just methodically massages your back
he secretly likes the little noises you make when the tension releases from your muscles (✿´ ꒳ ` )
sometimes massages turn into making love
but usually not~
mornings are for slow relaxation
no raising of heartbeats or anything else
seungmin also likes to plan out days while still cuddling in bed
and grudgingly allows you to tease him
about his bedhead
or his bleary-eyed looks at you before he’s fully awake ╥﹏╥
or how he just wouldn’t move no matter what you did during the night
it was really quite amazing
..................
seungmin tends to mumble a lot in the mornings
it’s one of the few times he’ll snuggle into you
instead of holding you
he’ll just mumble incoherently
and you’ll be just falling asleep again
when he starts talking perfectly clearly about how much he loves you
you listen, trying to memorize exactly what he says
bc there’s absolutely nothing to distract him or filter the words
and he’s just…. talking
seungmin’s voice first thing in the morning is, of course, a bit lower from sleep
and you find it unbearably attractive
especially when he’s telling you he loves you (*/ω\)。o♡
yang jeongin
kinda just slips his arm around your shoulder
kisses the top of your head
and murmurs “good morning sweetie”
before getting up quickly to brush his teeth
bc dear gods he just wants to feel clean;;;;
but!!
once he’s back, it’s time for sooooo many cuddles ( ◡‿◡ ♡)
you hadn’t necessarily fully enjoyed the experience of breakfast in bed
until you met jeongin
then, breakfast in bed on the weekends became normal!
and sometimes you’d even watch a show together
and cuddle and cuddle and cuddle and cuddle
when he started working out more, you were really excited
bc it meant more squish for you to cuddle on
ajdfgsdkjfhgaklj
he’s very playful in the mornings
and, like with minho, there ends up being lots of tickling
although, with jeongin, he’s doing the tickling
he’s in love with your giggle(*♡∀♡)(*♡∀♡)
and takes every opportunity to make you laugh just so he can hear it
jeongin is the poutiest in the mornings
like if you thought jisung can pout?
then…
well, no. jisung still wins the pouting contest
but jeongin comes in a close second!!!
but not even pouting to get something or get his way
just cutely pouting for the sake of looking cute (◕‿◕✿)
alkdhgsdfkjghal
and he just squishes you so tightly to his chest
you sometimes have to remind him that
in a perfect world
you’d like to breathe
one morning when you were being squeezed
so affectionately you didn’t even know what to do
you decided to kiss his collarbones
and it was all over from there
jeongin  m e l t s  if you kiss his collarbones
and if you kiss along them,
everything in his world is even better
but then if you decide to get inventive
and maybe take a lil soft nibble or lick?
it’s all over (⌒_⌒;)
he just gets so overwhelmed with love
and tenderness hhhhh
and sighs like a dramatic Victorian lady
the moment you start
therefore:
you are so not leaving that bed for at least another two hours
jeongin likes to make sure you’re nice and comfy
at all times
when in bed bc, just like his friends have taught him:
he will treat you like an angel.。o♡
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babytsum · 4 years ago
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no one knows pt. 2 - m. atsumu
(a/n): my fic rec account reached 700 a few days ago so i wrote a lil one shot and @traferza helped :)))) thank u bro
warnings: soft smut (I did not intend for this to be a smut fit but here we are), fingering, oral (f receiving), penetration
no one knows - m. atsumu
"come on, (y/n)! you haven't seen me play in ages!"
tobio stared back at you with hopeful eyes. your best friend has changed a lot since that last time you hung out with him in high school. his black hair was parted, he was much taller, buffer, too. but he was still that meathead volleyball jock you knew.
"okay, fine. you still the king?"
"no! that's exactly why you need to see me."
the day finally came and you waved to tobio who was sporting his white schweiden adlers jersey. you knew he had changed from his days at karasuno, though you weren't able to see the process firsthand since you moved to tokyo. sadly, you were only able to catch a few of his games whenever karasuno went to nationals.
and when you recognized a certain blonde on the opposing team, you broke a little bit. sure, it had been a few weeks, so of course it's a fresh scar.
but you didn't think it would hurt this much.
you berated yourself for not asking who tobio was playing against, but it was too late for that now. you couldn't leave the game, he was looking forward to you being there after many failed attempts to attend. all you could do was hope that the blonde didn't recognize you in the crowd.
it feels like it was just yesterday that miya atsumu broke your heart in the pouring rain. the awkward silence, the grey sky, the solemn tone of his voice. it was too soon to see him again. it only took the mere sight of him to bring you back.
though, you still gave the adlers a polite cheer with every point they scored. you flashed a few supportive smiles to tobio. you still hugged him after his game, praised his skills that have definitely advanced since the last time you've seen him. you met ushiwaka, who looked terrifying but was actually very polite, and hoshiumi, who was very enthusiastic about your praise.
your reluctance showed when tobio insisted that you go out to lunch with them, which included some of the players in the jackals. you still went, after all, you haven't seen him in awhile. and what were the chances that one of those players was atsumu?
100%. the chances were 100%.
while bokuto and hinata were warm, engaging in your many stories that embarrassed tobio with even sakusa showing slight interest, atsumu was stone cold. he quietly ate his food across from you, only speaking when someone asked if he was okay. he lied, of course, reassuring everyone he was tired.
it was like this for weeks anyways.
though, you ignored him. you ignored the short glances he would give you every now and then. but it was hard for him to do the same with the way you lightly rubbed tobio's shoulder, the way you laughed at his flustered state when you told everyone about how he tried to eat a volleyball. his jaw clenched and his grip on the glass of water tightened.
"miya-san, can you pass the soy sauce, please?"
despite your efforts to be polite, his face still held a stoic expression as he set down the bottle a little too hard. you thanked him, but everyone knew something was wrong.
"thank you."
after you finished an onigiri, you excused yourself outside to take a phone call, using the time to text atsumu to behave. hopefully you weren't blocked, right?
your train of thought was interrupted by the ding of your phone.
meet me at the milk tea place we used to go to after. we need to talk.
damn right you needed to talk.
you went back, enjoying the rest of the lunch with your new friends and your old one. hinata, bokuto, and hoshiumi were a dangerous, but fun mix, not that you were complaining. they were entertaining and you fed into the energy. you noticed that atsumu was a little warmer, talking with everyone else at the table like normal.
"it's nice to see atsumu talking again. he's been a little antisocial these past few weeks and no one knows why." hinata sighed while bokuto nodded in agreement.
"oh?"
atsumu was the one who ended it after all. but at least you weren't the only one hurting, right?
your thoughts took over you again as you imagined what could have been if you just said you loved him right away. if you just told him then and there and been honest. or if you didn't let him leave you in the rain, ran after him, reached for his wrist at the least. but it was too late anyways.
"(y/n)?" hoshiumi waved his hand over your face.
"what, hm?"
"you kind of blanked out for a minute, are you okay?"
"yeah, just a little tired that's all."
eventually, lunch had to end and you greeted the rest of the players goodbye before you left. tobio pulled you into a close hug while you wrapped your arms around him, bringing him closer and planting a kiss on his cheek.
"come to another game, okay? or else i'll tell ushiwaka what you said about him when you saw him on the tv."
"tobio, with all due respect, shut the fu-"
"kidding."
you gave him another kiss on the cheek before you parted ways.
the milk tea place wasn't far, atsumu should have been there by now considering that he actually has a car. and you were right, he was at the same corner that you two always sat at, your favorite drink set on the table. as you approached, your legs started to feel heavy, but you brought yourself to sit across from him anyways.
"so you move fast." you scoffed.
"what do you mean?"
"you have a thing for setters or something, (y/n)?"
"i have no idea what the fuck you're talking about."
he sighed, looking down at the drink in his hands. months of secret hook ups, small dates, and it only took you a few weeks to get over him. it was selfish, but he had hoped you would feel at least a bit of pain. maybe if he knew you cried, even gotten a little frustrated, it would be a sign that he meant something to you.
"tobio is my best friend. he has been since we were in diapers. why would you even care?"
"because," atsumu sighed in frustrated, "because it's supposed to be me making you laugh like that, kissing yer cheek and shit."
"if i recall correctly, you rejected me after the game."
"because i was fucking frustrated at you! i don't know, maybe it was a little fucked up, but i fucking loved you and you didn't say it back!"
"miya-san, you know why it takes a lot for me."
ah, yes. he remembers the first time you opened up, your head laying on his bare chest, hands stroking your hair, small circles being rubbed on his arm. he remembered how warm your body was, the tears on his chest. he remembered it all. he remembered your apologies, your rambles about your past, everything you were insecure about.
miya atsumu had the memory of an elephant, but he struggles to respond when confronted with overwhelming emotion.
"so we're not on first name basis anymore?"
"that's all you have to say?"
you felt the lump in your throat, the tears welling up in your eyes. but you didn't want to let this asshole see you cry, so instead you look at your feet, attempting to compose yourself.
"wait, i'm sorry-"
"i'm leaving."
and so you stood up and made your way towards the door, but not without atsumu's protests. you were a few steps out when you felt him grab your wrist. you might as well listen to everything he has to say. maybe you'd get closure or something. after all, he was the first person you opened up to after everything that happened with your ex. you thought he would be different, but he made it clear that you weren't worth his time anymore. why were you still listening to him again?
"i love you and you don't have to say it back but hear me out," he took another breath before continuing, "i know it was fucked up of me to just not say it back after it took you a day, but i think it was just because i was hurt and i didn't know what i was saying. i'm sorry."
"miya-san, i don't know if i can believe anything you say after that."
"and i don't blame you, it was kind of my fault, i just wanted you to say it right away even if you didn't come to terms with your feelings. i was selfish and i don't want to hurt you again."
tsumu looked tired, a little out of breath, a little beat. did you do that? as much as you loved him, it hurt to see him like this. it hurt even more to know it was partially your fault. you hoped it was from the game he had just played an hour or two ago, but you knew better.
"what do you want me to do with that?"
"i want to start over. i don't care how long it takes for you to love me again. just give me another chance, i don't mind the wait anymore."
his hand was on your cheek now, you could feel his breath on your face. and just this once, you didn't think it would hurt to give in. tsumu was never good with his words, but maybe this time was an exception.
and you answer him with a chaste kiss on his warm lips and he brings you closer, cupping your face in his big hands. before you know it, you're in his car feeling giddy, a big smile plastered on your faces.
the familiarity of his apartment overcame your senses. the smell of the tropical candles he liked, the messes of blankets on his couch that you never minded but ended up folding anyways, the taste of his skin. it was all familiar.
and you loved it.
he carried you to his room bridal style, gently laying you down on his bed before taking off his shirt. he helped you out of your clothes until you were left in your underwear as he left open mouthed kisses all over you chest.
"i missed you."
"i can tell." you responded, pointing at his obvious boner in his underwear.
"shut up."
you let out a giggle until he rubbed at your clothed clit, making your breath hitch. he pulled down your underwear agonizingly slow and nipped at the sweet spot on your neck. his touch was familiar. he was warm, like home, and you felt safe.
"i'm sorry for letting you go." he gave an apologetic kiss on your lips before slowly inserting his fingers into you.
you let out an embarrassingly loud moan at the feeling of his fingers nudging the spongy spot in you that he was able to find every time. his tongue licked up to your clit, his fingers thrusting into you at a slow pace which he quickly sped up with the pace of his mouth on your nub. your hands tangled in his hair, pushing him closer into your heat.
atsumu obliged, replacing his fingers with his tongue. the wet muscle dipping into your slit, lapping up all of your slick. you were close, the heat building up in your lower belly, your walls convulsing. you were out of breath and when he let out a hum that vibrated against you, you were sent over the edge. you eyes rolled to the back of your head as he let you ride out your orgasm on his tongue.
he kissed back up your body before his lips landed on your once again. you wanted him closer and your wish was granted when he fully sheathed himself inside of you without warning.
"you're so good to me," he rambled in your ear, placing sloppy kisses on your shoulder as he pounded into you, "you sound so pretty."
tears filled your eyes while you kept a strong grip on his bicep. you were overwhelmed, both by the sweet things he said and the way his cock stretched you out perfectly. even though it was only weeks, it still felt so long since you were together like this. you missed him.
your legs wrapped around him, barely giving him space to move, but he worked with it, still keeping up his relentless pace. your walls fluttered around him as your grip on him got tighter and you knuckles turned white. he was close, you can tell by the way his thrusts were becoming more and more sloppy and how his groans turned into whines.
"look at me."
and when you came, he made sure you were looking at his face which was red, sweaty, and carried a soft expression. he was pretty and you were sure that you didn't make a mistake coming back to his apartment.
when you both came down from your highs, your face was buried in the crook of his neck and his arm was wrapped around you. soft circles were rubbed on your back as you placed a few kisses where you could. he placed one on the top of your sweaty head.
"you don't have to say-"
"i love you."
he grinned back at you while you looked up at his glossy brown eyes. your hand wiped away some of the tears that fell from his eyes at your confession and a sense of euphoria passed through the both of you, the hurt slowly fading away with each passing moment.
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thisisbroganeveobrien · 5 years ago
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The Force
Pairing: Kylo Ren/Ben Solo x Reader
Summary: A feeling guids you to confront your past and the man responsible for taking so much from you. You want answers but what will you do once you have them.
Warning: Lil bitta angst, One shot, short fic
A/N: I've been feeling some kinda way about Kylo Ren/Ben Solo lately and decided to try my hand at writing something. This is my first Kylo/Ben fic and I'm confident it won't be my last.
🖤 Please enjoy and like and share if you can, thank you 🖤
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***
Screams painful and familiar echoed around you. You could felt the cool earth beneath your bare feet the night air strong and bitter carried clouds of thick black smoke overhead and the smell...
You fell to your knees, your hands crawling  into the mud around your body shaking your chest rising and falling rapidly as you struggle to catch your breath, the air turned to poison around you.
A voice
You couldn't make out the words and you couldn't bring yourself to focus on them. Not as your world was being swollowed by flames before your eyes as you sat there helpless on the ground.
A feeling
One you knew and had known most of you life now began to faid as the pain in your chest grew, your heart was breaking you could feel it you could feel him leave.
A Planet
One you hadn't seen before but somehow knew. You saw the sea, the towering rocky cliffs and landscape. You could feel someone watching you but as you turned to see who it was darkness fell around you and your were back on the ground again feeling more alone then you had ever been.
Screams surrounded you they were deafening. ***
You woke as you had almost every night since that night, covered in a cold sweat, heart pounding unable to catch your breath. You steadied your breath and left your bed, you were done with sleep tonight.
The dreams had been getting worse, more vivid. A feeling deep inside you had begun to grow again after so many years and this scared you more then any nightmear ever could.
You made your way over to the main console and checked your flight path, you were less then a few hours from your destination now.
The planet, the one you had started to see in your dreams, the one you had never seen before, you were sure this was where you were heading.
It had been months since the resistance had won. You had been there at the fall of The First Order and that was the first time the feeling had returned. You didn't understand it then not fully even now it was still unclear but this is why you were here on your way to a place that had been hidden for decades. It hadn't been easy to find but the feeling that was now driving you had brought you this far, you preyed that the coordinats were correct.
You were looking for answers, you needed them and there was one place you felt held them.
Ahch-To
Night had fallen when you arrived on the planet. As you first stepped foot on the planets rocky ground you felt every hair on your body stand on end. This was the planet from your dreams.
You began to walk trusting yourself to know the way. As you walked the rain began at first it was light and could have been easily mistake for sea spray seeing how close you walked to the edge of the cliffs, but soon the rain was heavy it felt as though it weighed you down and slowed your pace.
In the distence you could see a small hut a light flickering in the window. You approached making no effort to conseal yourself.
The door of the hut swung open before you, you drew in a steady breath before entering.
"I've been awaiting your arrival" He sat facing the fire his back to you. His body silhouetted by the flames that danced before him.
"You knew I'd come" It was more of a statement than a question. You waited on the threshold for him to turn but he stayed frozen in place, of corse he had known you would come.
You stepped carefully into the hut as you did you saw his shoulders tense but you thought this could have been the light playing tricks on your eyes.
You thought you saw his shoulders tense as you stepped into the hut but that could have been the light playing tricks on your eyes.
"You shouldn't have" He raised a hand gesturing to the seat beside him making no attempt to turn you away dispite his answer.
You walked over to the fire but did not take a seat. Instead you looked down at the man, his face turned away as you approached.
You stood silently beside him, your eyes finding their way to the flames. In your mind you could hear the screams.
"I still hear them too" You tore your eyes away from the flames and fond his on you, he watched you carefully.
His face was just as you remember. But you couldn't bring yourself to look him in eyes, not yet. You didn't realise you were holding your breath until your lungs began to burn.
"Every night" You whispered as you exhailed. Memories once again beginning to flood your mind, the man before you closed his eyes squeezing them tight. His face twisting into a pained expression. You knew he could see it too the images that plagued you in the dead of night.
You tired to focus your thoughts you wanted him to feel the pain you had felt, you wanted him to understand what he had taken from you.
"You took everything, they were our family" 
"Stop, ple...." but you didn't stop. You couldn't a wave of anger swept over you and you felt yourself being drawn out into its darkness, you showed him all that you had only stopping when all that was left was ash.
Your legs were weak.
You took the seat that had been offered and tried to steady your emotions. Anger wasn't going to change the past, you had to let it go. That's why you had come here, yes the feeling had drawn you in a longing you had lost now driving you but you needed closure to make your peace with the past and finally move on.
Once you were ready to speak again you asked your question.
"You saved my life that night, why? "
You find the strength to look him in the eyes, his eyes for the first time.
"You know why... " His voice barley above a whisper "We're connected" he leaned forward eyes still locked on yours.
"We were" You were still trying to control yourself, but you could still remember the pain when he had walked away. Lashing out wasn't going to help you now.
"I know you feel it too" he answered clamly, he was always better at controlling his emotions.
Of corse you felt it too, you were still connected. It had lay dormant for so long now but over the last few months it had only grew. You could feel him now trying to read you.
"You left me" You hated to sound so weak to once again let your emotions control you.
"I wish there could have been another way" You froze in place and waited for him to continue.
"I didn't want to leave you but it was safer that way" he sighed deeply dropping his gaze from yours.
"Show me" you leaned forward now.
"No" His voice was firm as his eyes shot up and found yours, in them you could see the fire reflected.
You stayed this way for awhile.
"Show me" You weren't backing down you had come this far.
He had seen the hurt in you, you had made him and now you were ready to see his.
Another long pause enused as you waited. He closed his eyes and you followed.
Voices echoed in your mind their words were unclear but the feeling was there. Anger consumed you, a rage unlike anything you had experienced before you felt it blind you. Death body's too many to count fall around you in a blur you feel them all but you cannot stop. You watch his past all of it from the moment the voices started you feel it all to the moment the spell was broken.
You can see yourself now asleep in your bed his hands reach down lifting you holding you close to his chest as he begins to walk out into the night. Once he feels he is at a safe distence he pressed a kiss to your forehead you could feel his pain feel his tears roll down his cheeks, he wanted to take you with him but knew his path was one you could not follow. You watch as your own eyes flutter open watched the confusion on your own face. He released you and as you turned away from him you began to scream. He said your name but stopped himself from saying more. He turned to walk away and you felt the familiar crippling pain in your chest in his. The feeling of being torn apart. He turned to look back at watching you kneeling in the dirt you called out his name, screamed it at the top of your lungs. That was the last time he saw you.
Tears streamed down your face. Transfering emotions like this was never easy on either party, flooding his mind before with the images from your dreams had already taken a toll on you and now you were overwhelmed. You could feel your body shaking your eyes blurred from the tears that filled them your lungs unable to take in enough air.
You fell forward your knees hitting the floor hard.
A hand reached out softly cupping the side for your face and gently lifting it. He was on his knees before you eyes red cheeks wet with tears the same as your own. You watched his lips move but couldn't hear the words it was like the world was muted all you could hear was the screams, your screams.
A second hand came to rest on your face, you held it in place and reached for the second one gripping them both tight needing them to hold you steady and keep you grounded.
Your forheads came to rest together and slowly you started to catch your breath.
He spoke your name again you could hear him now it was as though a fog was lifting
"Now you can see me for the monster I am"
You drew back, his hands withdrew as you studied his face for a moment before answering.
"I don't see a monster"
A fresh tear made its way down his cheek, you mirrored his reaction, your hand reach up instinctively to brush the tear away before coming to rest your palm on his cheek just as his had been. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch.
"When my mother died I felt it, it was like I was waking from a nightmare, I could finally see it, all of it"
You waited for him to go on sensing there was more he wanted to say but stayed quiet. You could feel the conflict in him only now it wasn't between the light and the dark of the force but between his own emotions.
"I deserve death" Your hand dropped from his face his words hung in the air between you it weighed you down.
"No" You couldn't accept that not after the things  he had shown you. Now you could see he was just a man a man that had been manipulated and used, blinded by the power of the darkside and now nothing of that darkness remained.
You took his hands in yours and held them tight.
"Let me help you" his hands enclosed yours.
"I don't deserve it" He answered.
"No one deserves it more"
You closed your eyes and thought back to the days when you had trained alongside one another, how you had helped each other learn and grow. He had stayed with you all night as you learned ancient texts, had pushed you in training to reach your potential. You remembered him leaning close and whisped in your ear 'good luck' before your Gathering ceremony. How he had held your hand as he walked you back to your room.
A kiss. Stolen in the night a secret kept between you both.
Feeling the force vibrate between the two of you.
You focused on the days before the darkness showing him now only the light.
You opened your eyes to see a small smile on his face, the shadows of sadnnes retreating.
"Ben" Your voice barely above a whisper but he heard you as clearly as if you had shouted it.
His smile grew, your own matching his and then,
A kiss.
It was soft and forgiving, full of hope.
This kiss forfilled a longing within you, one you had denied yourself.
You reached out to pull him closer and he held you close needing you as much as you needed him.
"I won't ever hurt you like that again" you knew he spoke the truth.
He stood helping you to your feet, he still towered above you looking down on you now with kindness and what might be love. Your arms circled his waist and he wrapped his arms around your body in return his chin resting atop your head. You felt as though you had found a part of yourself once more and relaxed into his embrace.
It would take time to heal these wounds, time you were prepared to give and in return be given. The force burned brignt between you now as it had once done and as it would continue to.
🖤🖤🖤
@alexmarie29 @darth-agon @lana-isabelle @theinfiniteeyebooger @justanotherhockey-blog @isadarthbauder0 @imnotoneofthosescrazygirls
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sofhyuck · 6 years ago
Text
Insomnia
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Genre: royal!reader, adviser!Donghyuck, younger brother!Chenle, Hyuck being a lil shit (again)
Word Count: 10.5k mayhaps she popped off
Excerpt: “You’ll be advised to address us by our proper titles, Donghyuck.” You glared at the boy, guards still up.
“Ah, noonaaa, I already told Hyuck to drop the formalities. We’re friends!”
“Fine. But I will be addressed appropriately.”
“As you wish, Princess.”
Masterlist
A/N: yes i understand chenle is 17 and hide and seek is for children but, guess what? I’m 19 and would gladly play hide and seek any day so come at me
A soft thud could be heard throughout the previously silent room as a pillow came down over the top of your head. You groaned heavily and lifted your head up, only to be met with your younger brother, a mischievous grin painted across his face. The pillow was raised above his head, ready to strike a second time. Swiftly, you rolled out of bed and grabbed him by the sides, pulling him down onto the bed with you.
“What do you want, Chenle? The sun is barely up!”
“You promised to take me down to the village today!” He giggled, squirming in your tight grasp in an attempt to escape your embrace. “I wanted to start out early so we’d have time to make it to the bakery.”
“The bakery? It’s so far, Chenle, I don’t know if we can make it—”
“That’s why I wanted to wake you up early!” He laughed, finally working his way off the bed.
“Ok, fine, give me ten more minutes to get dressed and then we can eat breakfast. Does that sound good enough for you?”
Chenle gave a little cheer before running out of the room, your lady in waiting immediately taking his place in order to help you get ready for the day at hand. Despite your mild protests, she combed out your hair and laid out a spring dress for you to wear. Slipping on the light flowered dress, you thanked your lady in waiting and left the room to find Chenle. Undoubtedly he would be found in the kitchens, attempting to hound a fresh muffin from the head chef. Your flats landed softly on the tiled floors, the sound reverberating throughout the otherwise silent castle. Reaching the kitchens, you pushed open the door to be met with Chenle sat on a counter, two muffins in hand. He smiled brightly, bringing one of the baked goods up to his mouth to take a big bite while gesturing for you to take the other. Shaking your head in amusement, you took the muffin from his hand, nudging him off the counter so that the two of you could head out.
“He wush goin tu throw et bu then—”
“Chenle I can’t understand you, please swallow before you start talking.” You chuckled, wiping a few crumbs from the corner of his mouth.
“Sowry noona,” he swallowed thickly. “I was just talking about the knight’s training yesterday. Father let me sit in and it was really exci—”
“Where are you two going?” The king’s booming voice stopped you in your tracks, heads whipping around to find him standing at the top of the grand staircase.
“Oh, father! We were just going out to the village, we haven’t been in so long!”
“I’m sorry children, but I’m afraid you can’t go out today. Possibly not for awhile.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s a meeting this afternoon in the council room. We will explain then. For now, stay within the castle.” With that, your father retreated back into the halls, leaving you and Chenle standing in the foyer.
“I’m sorry Lele.” You pouted. “I know you were really looking forward to going back into the village”
“It’s ok noona, it’s not your fault! We can hang out in the gardens until the meeting, I guess. It’s been awhile since we got to hang out without any lessons to worry about!” Chenle smiled brightly.
That’s what you always admired about your younger brother: his ability to turn any situation into a positive one. He always knew what to do in order to lighten the mood, how to make you feel better during your darkest hours. However, his undeniably sunny attitude came with a strong naivety, forcing you to keep a watchful eye on him at all times. While Chenle lived out his youth in the carefree manner that one should, you were forced to grow up at a very young age in order for your brother to maintain his childhood as long as possible.
“Come on, noona! I think there’s still time to spy on Mrs. jung!”
“Chenle just ask her to play with her dogs, I’m sure she’d be more than happy to let you hang out with them.”
“I know but this is more fun!” He laughed, already running out the front door towards the vast gardens.
❃❃❃❃
“Chenle, please fix your tie.” You gave out an exasperated sigh, staff flitting around the two of you as you attempted to make him presentable. “I swear, how do you manage to make such a mess in the span of an hour?”
“I’m sorry noona,” he whined, “I was only supposed to be gone for a minute but then I saw that cat and I—”
“Oh, nevermind, mother and father will be here soon.” You cut him off. Giving him one last once over, you grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the council room. The room was filled with people of varying levels of importance, discussing amongst one another as you weaved through the mass of bodies in order to sit down at the table. Once situated, you turned to look at Chenle to check once more if he was presentable. You were just reaching over to mess with his hair again when the doors swung open, revealing your parents. The room fell silent, everyone waiting with baited breath for them to sit down and begin the meeting.
“Thank you all for meeting us at such short notice.” The king spoke, breaking the suffocating silence. “As some of you are well aware, the threats towards our kingdom have become increasingly more worrying and frequent. While the council is working hard to track down the source of the threats, we will need each and every one of you to be on your toes.”
You immediately tensed at your father’s words, clasping your brother’s hand in yours and moving closer to him, rubbing your thumb over the skin of his hand in an attempt at soothing him. His grip tightened in yours, shifting even further into your side. The King turned to address the village heads, leaving the rest of the crowd to talk amongst themselves. Anxious glances were shot in your direction, making it obvious where everyone’s concerns lay. You wanted to yell at them all to look away, to end all of their pitying looks directed at you and your brother.
“Noona…” Chenle’s voice broke through your anger filled thoughts.
“What is it, Lele?” You turned to him.
“It’s ok,” he smiled softly, “I don’t mind, ok? You don’t have to worry about me so much. I can, I can handle myself.”
“Ok, everyone, you are free to leave. Y/n, Chenle, please stay behind.” The King spoke once more, addressing the room. The bodies slowly filtered out until the room was clear, save for your family. Silence fell heavy over the room, each member waiting for your father to make the first move.
“We don’t want to alarm the public so, as before, we have kept this information within the castle walls. Security measures have been increased, you two have absolutely no reason to worry. The threats have been mostly targeted at me and your mother and we already have a vague idea as to where and whom the threats are coming from.”
“You know? Then why haven’t you taken action?” You bolted upright, fury building up in your stomach.
“Your father and I have to be careful, we can’t go around pointing fingers without solid information, especially when they could be in such close proximity with us.”
“It’s someone in the castle? You’re letting them, just, wander around when they could harm us at any moment?”
“Y/n, stop. I understand you’re concerned about Chenle’s safety but you need to see this from our perspective. There’s no concrete evidence as to whether or not he is the source of these threats. If we were to accuse him and it turns out we’re wrong, people could turn against us. This is a very delicate situation. If, and only if, the situation escalates we will take more drastic measures. For now, go about as you normally would, there is nothing to worry about.” At your father’s words, your parents stood up and left the room. You sat there for a moment, waiting for your anger to subside as Chenle placed his hand over yours. You hadn’t even noticed that your hands were clenched into fists, and when you unfurled them deep imprints were chiseled into the soft skin of your palm. Chenle took a hold of your hand, guiding you out of the room into your own. Without a word, he laid you down on your bed, tucking you in and placing a soft kiss on your forehead.
“Just take a nap, you’ll feel better.” He whispered. “It’s ok, noona. I’m ok.”
❃❃❃❃
Laughter rang throughout the tapestry covered halls, pulling your attention from the heavy novel that lay in your lap. The sun’s rays caressed your skin as you sat snugly on a bench, tucked away in one of the varying hallways that wound throughout the vast castle. You closed the book, happy to have a distraction from the verbose text, and swung your legs off of the window seat in order to scan up and down the halls. Searching for the source, the sound of laughter and pounding footsteps grew increasingly louder until Chenle rounded the corner, glancing behind him towards an unknown figure. Senses immediately heightened, you stood bolt up right from the seat.
“Chenle! Slow down!” You moved to stand before him and hold him in place. “You have to be careful, you nearly ran into that suit of armor!” You scolded, fixing his wind swept hair.
“Aw, noona, we were just having fun!” He pouted, shaking his hair in an attempt to cease your pestering.
“I know but you can’t be so careless, I don’t want you getting hurt.”
“You shouldn’t worry so much about Chenle, Princess, I’ve got my eye on him.” Your head swivelled as you searched for the source of the foreign voice. The young man who had seemingly been chasing your younger brother through the halls walked up to the pair of you, swinging his arm around Chenle’s shoulders.
“And who exactly are you?” You quipped, scanning the boy up and down, arms crossed over your chest.
“Lee Donghyuck at your service, Princess,” he gave you an exaggerated bow, “I’m Chenle’s adviser in training.”
“Are you really suited to be an adviser? You seem rather…young.”
“Of course I’m younger, Princess, I’m in training.” He smirked. “And I am, in fact, older than Chenle.”
“Yea but only by a year, hyung.” Chenle piped up.
“I’m old enough to tell you what to do Chenle.”
“You’ll be advised to address us by our proper titles, Donghyuck.” You glared at the boy, guards still up.
“Ah, noonaaa, I already told Hyuck to drop the formalities. We’re friends!”
“Fine. But I will be addressed appropriately.”
“As you wish, Princess.” Donghyuck didn’t miss the chance to shoot you a cheeky wink before he threw his arm over Chenle’s shoulders, leading him down the hallway.
“Come on, Chenle, let the Princess finish her reading, we have more pressing matters to tend to.”
“Like what?”
“Like that chocolate cake the chef was going to throw out.” Donghyuck threw one last cheeky smile in your direction as they rounded the corner, their voices bouncing around the halls before they faded into silence. With a sigh and a shake of your head, you turned back to your textbook. However, you found it hard to focus, your thoughts stuck on the bright new addition to the castle’s gloomy demeanor. Things were about to get a lot more hectic.
❃❃❃❃
Your predictions had been true, the castle had suddenly burst with life. After your initial encounter with Donghyuck, the mischievous pair wreaked havoc nearly every day. They seemed to orbit around you, always finding yourself at the center of their elaborate pranks. Whether it was somehow getting roped into their activities or being the victim of their humorings, you couldn’t escape from the incessant pestering. If there had been a poltergeist in the castle he would have been long gone, scared off by the infamous mischief makers. However, you had to admit Donghyuck’s presence wasn’t all terrible; he brought a liveliness to the castle that simply hadn’t been there before. Previously there had been no other children your age, no one for you or Chenle to play with. Of course, the two of you would play together, but you were often too busy with your studies to run around with the younger. Where there had been quiet and loneliness before, there was now laughter and sunshine filling every corner of the stone covered building.
It was late afternoon and you had just finished your economics lesson. Being the oldest child of the king and queen meant that you had to undergo training and lessons to shape you into the next leader of your land. Your days were filled with dreary textbooks and loquacious lecturers while Chenle could run around the castle doing whatever he liked. You didn’t mind, however. This was merely the ways of your world, and you didn’t mind biting the bullet in order to keep your brother happy.
You were struggling to balance all your books while leaving the classroom when the distinguishable sound of laughter filled the air. Bracing yourself, you shut your eyes tight, awaiting the incoming impact of whatever the boys had planned. It never came, instead you heard footsteps halt right in front of you. Slowly opening your eyes, you came face to face with Donghyuck, amusement written across his face as he leant down to look you in the eyes. You took a step back, startled by the close proximity.
“Why were you standing there with your eyes closed, Princess?”
“N-nevermind that, Donghyuck. Where is Chenle?” You stuttered out, attempting to compose yourself.
“Ah, that’s what I’m running around for. We’re playing a rather rousing game of hide and seek which he is clearly winning at. Would you care to join?” Donghyuck held out his hand, prepared to pull you along with him. You hesitated for a second; it had been so long since you had last played with your younger brother and hide and seek had always been one of your favorites. Just as you moved your hand towards his one of your textbooks toppled from your arms, a few more following in its wake. Quickly, you scrambled to collect your books, your face flushing in embarrassment. Keeping your head down, you forgot about Donghyuck’s presence until his hand came into view. Startled, you looked up to find him calmly picking up some of your fallen things. Noticing your lack of movement, Donghyuck met your gaze. Smirking lighlty, he handed the textbooks back to you.
“Thank you, Donghyuck.”
“The offer still stands, Princess.”
“I’m sorry, but I should go back to my room. There are still some studies I need to get through.”
“Oh come on, Y/n, lighten up a little.”
“Not all of us have the ability to ‘lighten up’, Donghyuck. Some of us actually take our jobs seriously.” You quipped, eyes narrowing in vexation. Donghyuck’s eyes widened before narrowing to match your glare. The two of you stood in a standoff, waiting for the other to make the next move.
“Hyung! Where have you been, did you forget about me?” Chenle’s voice broke through the tensed air, turning your attention away from the boy stood in front of you.
“Of course not Chenle! How could I forget about you? I was just asking the Princess here if she’d like to join us in our game.”
“Ah noona, please play with us! It’s been so long since we’ve played together!” Chenle abruptly turned to you, excitement twinkling in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Lele, I just have too much work to do today.” You pouted, ruffling his hair a little. “Maybe another time, ok?”
Chenle merely nodded in understanding, a wave of disappointment washing over his face as he turned to Donghyuck.
“Come on hyung, I don’t really feel like playing anymore.”
The younger began walking towards his room, encouraging Donghyuck to follow behind. All you could do was watch them retreat into the depths of the castle. You couldn’t help the guilt forming a tight knot in your stomach, teeth worrying at your bottom lip. Donghyuck’s glare, you could handle, but your brother’s look of discontent was a whole other story.
I’m doing this for him a small voice at the back of your mind nagged, one day he’ll be able to understand.
❃❃❃❃
Rain was pounding on the rooftops, the sound echoing throughout the castle. Your classes for the day had been canceled, your teachers all unable to make it to the castle due to the muddied roads. A plate of scrambled eggs and toast lay before you on the vast dining table, Chenle sat on the seat next to you. You were haphazardly playing with the remaining eggs on your plate, pushing them around the china when Chenle cleared his throat.
“Since our classes are canceled, would you want to hang out with me today?”
You hesitated for a moment. The thought of possibly spending the day with Donghyuck didn’t sound too appealing. But, then you figured he wouldn’t be able to make it to the castle, just as your teachers could not.
“Alright,” you smiled as Chenle immediately brightened at your agreeance, “what do you want to do?”
“I was thinking we could play a game of hide and seek, or maybe tag? Playing with Hyuck just isn’t the same, it’s more fun when we both know every inch of the castle.” He grinned, scarfing down what remained of his breakfast. “Now come on, Hyuck said he’d meet us at the servant’s entrance in five minutes.”
“Wait a minute, Donghyuck made it to the castle?” You paused, about to get up from your seat. “I thought he would’ve been kept away by the rain.”
“Hyuck lives in the castle, didn’t you know that? His family lives too far away for him to be able to easily go back and forth every day.”
“Oh, I had no idea.” You murmured, standing up and going to follow Chenle towards the servant’s entrance.
“I know you’re not too fond of him, Y/n, but you haven’t really gotten to know him. Just hang out with us for today, ok? Maybe you’ll warm up to him.” There wasn’t much else you could do than to follow him in defeat, it was too late to back out now. Chenle’s speed increased slightly as Donghyuck came in to sight, jogging lightly to meet up with his friend. You lagged behind, clearly still unhappy with the current situation. Finally, you caught up with the pair, a smug smile tugging at Donghyuck’s lips.
“Good morning Princess, how are you on this fine morning?”
“Quite well, Donghyuck, thank you for your concern.” You quipped, turning towards your brother. “Shall we begin playing?”
“Yea! Some ground rules first: limited to the east wing, all floors allowed. Restricted rooms obviously off limits as well as any locked doors or bedrooms. Any questions?” You chuckled lightly at how serious Chenle’s expression became when it came to the childish game.
“Who goes first?” Donghyuck asked.
“Nose goes!” You yelled out, bringing your pointer finger up to your nose as Chenle did the same, leaving Donghyuck with a sour look on his face.
“No fair, you guys must have some weird sibling telepathy.” He whined, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Too bad, Donghyuck. You seek first.” You stuck your tongue out at him.
“Fine, one minute on the clock.” He began counting down and you and Chenle took off, racing towards the east wing in order to find the perfect hiding spot. Bolting ahead of Chenle, you made your way into one of your favorite hiding spots, crouching down behind a large clock, hidden by a sofa placed adjacent to said clock. Time passed and your legs were beginning to cramp. The ticking of the old clock barely managed to keep you awake as you grew weary from sheer boredom. Just as you were about to give up and reveal yourself, you heard a loud cackling shriek that could only belong to Chenle. Praising yourself for your excellent hiding skills, you stood from your spot in search for the source of the noise, knowing that it would take nearly another half hour for Donghyuck to find you.
“Chenle really wasn’t kidding when he said it was no fun playing this game with you.” You laughed, startling the two boys when you snuck up behind them.
“I’m not bad!” Donghyuck pouted. “You guys are just way too good. I can’t believe you said I was no fun.”
“Sorry hyung, you can’t run away from the truth.”
“Nevermind,” you giggled at their antics. “Chenle, you better start counting.”
The countdown began once more and you quickly made your way into the depths of the east wing, Donghyuck not far behind.
“Stop following me,” you hissed, glancing behind you, “that’s cheating.”
“Listen, you know this castle like the back of your hand while I can barely find a bathroom half the time. I need your help so that I can finally win this stupid game.” You stopped in front of him, frowning at his words as you crossed your arms over your chest.
“Like I said, cheating.”
“C’mon, Princess, help me out here.” He rolled his eyes, mimicking your stance.
“No that is completely unfair—”
“Ready or not, here I come!” Chenle’s voice rang throughout the halls, breaking the two of you from your standoff, fear coursing through your veins.
“Shit.” Donghyuck muttered, grabbing your hand out of instinct and pulling you through the nearest open door.
“Let go of me, Donghyuck.” You scolded him, shaking your hand out of his grasp.
“A thank you would be nice.”
“You act as though you just saved my life.” You moved hurriedly around the storage room, searching for anywhere you could possibly hide.
“And you act as though something terrible is going to happen if you get found.” He chuckled, amused at your frantic state.
“I’m not going to lose to you, Donghyuck, now get out. This is my hiding spot.”
“Your hiding spot?” He scoffed indignantly. “I’m the one who dragged you in here!”
“And now I’m telling you to get out, Princess’s orders.”
“Oh come on—”
The door opened, abruptly cutting Donghyuck off.
“Both of you are horrible at hiding. I could hear you arguing from down the hall. What are you two doing hiding together anyways?”
“It’s all Donghyuck’s fault. He wouldn’t stop following me.”
“I resent that!”
“Oh so you weren’t following me in hopes of finding a good hiding spot?”
“Well when you put it that way…”
“I swear, you two are like an old married couple. Now come on, you ruined the game so let’s play something else instead.” Chenle tugged lightly at your sleeve, hoping to quell your anger before it grew too strong.
“Fine.” You huffed. “What else would you like to play?”
“Tag?” He suggested, you and Donghyuck nodding in agreement. “No rules this time, just don’t break anything, or anyone.” He grinned.
“Nose goes!” Donghyuck shouted suddenly, startling you so much that you failed to reach your nose in time. You groaned heavily, pouting slightly at your lack of reflexes.
“You better watch out, hyung. She might not look like it but Y/n can run pretty fast.”
“Watch yourself, Lele.” You glared, preparing yourself to begin running. “I’ll give you both a ten second head start beginning…now!” The two boys took off in different directions and you paid special attention as to where Donghyuck went. Once ten seconds had passed you took off in a wild sprint, determined to catch up with the boy. Weaving through the halls you caught sight of him in no time, a satisfied grin sneaking its way onto your face. Picking up your speed, you felt all of your cares fly away. You hadn’t felt so free in a while.
Noticing your close proximity, Donghyuck darted wildly around the halls, attempting to weave sharply around corners in hopes of shaking you off. However, you were smarter than that and you were quickly catching up with him. In a last ditch effort, he opened a random door only to be met with the pouring rain. He halted in his spot, causing you crash directly into him. In an instant he turned in his spot, bringing his arms around your waist in order to steady you. Hair clung to your face, plastered to your skin from the pelting rain.
“You idiot! How did you not realize you were going outside?” You pounded at his chest lightly, still in his hold.
“Yea well who’s the idiot who followed me out here?” He grinned, unbothered by your fists.
“I was too caught up in the moment to notice.” You mumbled, subconsciously moving further into his embrace in hopes of gaining warmth from his body.
“Come on, let’s head back inside before one of us gets sick.” He laughed, the action reverberating throughout his chest. He took your hand and lead you inside where Chenle was waiting in the doorway.
“You’re both idiots, if you ask me.” Both you and Donghyuck grinned at each other before pulling Chenle out into the rain, the three of you getting absolutely soaked without even caring.
❃❃❃❃
An incessant throbbing at the forefront of your head woke you up, the sound of rain still creating a peaceful atmosphere throughout the castle. You groaned heavily, digging your head into the pillow. Despite taking all the necessary precautions, you still somehow got sick after your escapades in the rain. You internally cursed Donghyuck and Chenle for getting off without even a runny nose and you rolled over to glance blearily at your clock. It was barely nine o’clock, meaning that you had a whole day of suffering ahead of you. A light knock on your door interrupted your bought of self pity and you called out softly for them to enter.
“I brought you breakfast, noona!” Chenle spoke brightly.
“You didn’t have to do that, Lele.” You sat up, stretching out your arms. Being bedridden for a day was already taking a toll on your body.
“I know, but I wanted to!” He sang, placing a tray over your lap as he sat on the bed beside you.
“I don’t like you seeing me like this. So, so…”
“Vulnerable?”
“Yea…” you whispered, poking at the ghastly oatmeal sitting in your bowl.
“You just have a bad cold, noona, it happens to the best of us.”
“How did you and Donghyuck manage to escape this stupid sickness anyways?” You feigned annoyance, shoving lightly at chenle.
“I guess we’re just better than you.” He taunted, poking at your side. “Now eat, it’ll help you get better faster.”
“Hey, I’m the one who’s supposed to be taking care of you here. Did you eat your breakfast?”
“Of course I did. Donghyuck even snuck us some extra cinnamon rolls from the kitchen!” He pointed to your tray, a warm cinnamon roll sat on the edge of your plate. “If he hadn’t gotten them you would have been stuck with the oatmeal.”
“I’ll have to thank him later.” You managed to get out through a mouthful of cinnamon roll, savoring in the sweet taste of the baked good.
“Anyways, how are you feeling today? Any better than yesterday?”
“I’ve still got a pounding headache but that means I’m probably at peak sickness. Hopefully I’ll be feeling better by tonight. How about you, Lele? Are you ok with all the storming?”
“I’m ok so far. Hyuck slept over last night and he’s going to tonight as well. I feel more at ease with someone else in the room.”
“Why didn’t you ask me?” You scolded, slightly hurt by his choice. “Does Donghyuck know—”
“I didn’t ask you because you’re sick noona! I didn’t want to force you out of bed, plus you could get me sick as well!”
“I know but still, I should take care of you. That’s my role as your older sister.”
“Really noona, I’m fine. Hyuck is a really good friend.”
“Ok…” you trailed off, still worried for your brother’s well-being.
“I have to go now, make sure you finish your breakfast and I’ll stop by later to pick up your tray.” With a pat to your leg, Chenle stood up and exited the room. His maturity left you in mild awe, wondering just when he had grown up so much. Shaking your head in order to empty it of all worrying thoughts, you continued eating your breakfast, dreading the day ahead of you. After finishing your meal you moved your tray off to your bedside table, settling back into your covers in hopes of sleeping the night away.
❃❃❃❃
When you woke again it was due to loud pounds echoing throughout the room. You blinked blearily, attempting to adjust your eyes to the dark. Once you acclimated to the change in environment, you were able to determine that the pounding was coming from your door. Swiftly, you pulled on a pair of slippers and wrapped a sweater tightly around your shivering form. Shuffling towards the door, you were faced with a frantic Donghyuck pacing in front of your door. Upon seeing you at the door, a wave of relief crashed over his body.
“Oh thank god,” he sighed grabbing your hand. “I’m sorry to wake you at such an hour but I need your help. I-it’s Chenle.”
You turned rigid at his words, allowing him to pull you along behind him. The blood drained from your face as all the worst possible scenarios played through your mind.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” You whispered urgently, jogging to keep up with his pace.
“He just, he just started screaming in his sleep and I tried waking him up but it only made it worse and I tried calming him down but that didn’t help either and I knew you’d know what to do so I ran over as fast as I could…” He rushed out breathlessly, finally reaching Chenle’s door. You could hear him already, and you hurriedly pushed the door open and rushed to his side. Gesturing for Donghyuck to sit down at the end of the bed, you took Chenle into your arms, whispering soothing words into his ear whilst you stroked lovingly at his hair. He immediately calmed down, his shouts dissipating to small whimpers as you rocked him back and forth. He gripped tightly at your nightgown, sobbing softly into the material. Pressing your lips to the top of his head, you rubbed his back, feeling his muscles slowly relax before he began to drift off to sleep. Blinking back the tears that had formed at the corners of your eyes, you moved Chenle so that he lay more comfortably in your embrace. A small cough from the end of the bed forced your attention away from your brother to the other body in the room. You bit your lip, preparing yourself for the onslaught of questions that were sure to follow.
“Is he - is he ok?”
“Yes. He should be now, at least.”
“What, I mean if it’s ok that I ask, what was that all about?”
“I-it’s a bit of a long story.” You paused, looking up to measure Donghyuck’s reaction. He raised his eyebrows, silently egging you on. “When Chenle was around four years old, he was kidnapped by a group of bandits. We had been playing in the garden and I - I should have been paying more attention but one minute he was there, and the next he was gone. They barely had him for two days before our knights found him so we kept it a secret from the public, not wanting to alarm them. But it left a rather heavy impact on him.
“The afternoon the knights found him, it had been storming so hard. He must have been so scared. I should have been the one they took, not him. He was still so young and he’s still affected by the kidnapping, as you can tell. For years afterwards he would have nightmares, they would be even worse on nights like tonight, nights like the one he had been found. They had faded away a few years ago, I was truly hoping they had gone. I think - I think that the recent threats to the castle stirred up the memories, however; I’ve noticed how on edge he’s been recently. You being here, you being his friend has definitely helped him out though, Donghyuck. Thank you for befriending him. I know I’ve given the two of you a bit of a hard time, but I am truly thankful for your presence in the castle. You’ve made things a lot more lively around here.”
The room grew silent once more, save for the soft pattering of rain fall. Donghyuck sat at the foot of the bed, pondering all you had just told him. After a few moments, he moved further up the bed until he sat beside you, bringing his hand to brush stray hairs away from Chenle’s eyes. He looked peaceful, the complete opposite of when he was awake a few minutes ago.
“I had no idea,” he whispered, “he’s always so happy and upbeat.” You nodded in agreement.
“I admire his abilities to be so positive, especially after all he’s been through. He may seem childish but he’s one of the strongest people in this castle.”
“You know, he’s lucky to have a sister like you, Y/n. You always look after him and make sure he’s comfortable.”
“But he’s not! He’s not lucky!” You suddenly interjected. “It’s my fault he got kidnapped in the first place! I could have - I could have helped him, alerted the guards, done, I don’t know, something, anything! Instead I let them take him, barely noticing anything was wrong. I’m the reason he was kidnapped, I’m the reason he’s been suffering for so long.” You once again fought back tears, nails biting into the skin of your palms as you attempted to keep your composure.
“Y/n, it was not your fault.” You opened your mouth to interject but he placed a hand on your shoulder, effectively silencing you. “You were young as well, how were you expected to look after a child when you were one yourself? Wasn’t there an adult watching over you, a maid or a guard? If anyone’s at fault it’s theirs, not yours, ok?” Your mind drew a blank, not fully agreeing with Donghyuck but not holding the strength to argue. Sleep tugging at your eyelids, you mindlessly nodded at his words while laying down next to Chenle, once again enveloping him in your arms. Donghyuck got up to leave, but your grip on his wrist halted him in his tracks.
“Please, stay.” You mumbled, hand falling back onto the mattress. Silently, Donghyuck climbed back onto the bed, nestling Chenle between the two of you in a warm embrace.
❃❃❃❃
Soft sunlight poured through the parted curtains, washing over the three of you resting on the bed. You stirred slightly where you lay, the light urging you to open your eyes. The sheets shuffled and you opened your eyes to find Donghyuck slowly waking up on the other side of Chenle who still laid fast asleep, looking the perfect picture of peace. You smiled slightly at the sight, stroking over Chenle’s hair while whispering for him to wake up. Donghyuck looked over the two of you fondly and he sat up, stretching out his cramped limbs.
“It’s time to wake up buddy.” He cooed, shaking Chenle’s shoulder. The younger grumbled in response, burrowing his head further into the plush pillows.
“Lele,” you hummed, “the sun’s out, maybe we can have a picnic today.”
Chenle sat bolt up right at your words, nearly startling Donghyuck off the bed. He grinned wildly at you, bouncing up and down where he sat.
“Are you serious?”
“Yea! I can even ask the chef to make us some of those custard filled steamed buns, I know they’re one of your favorites.”
“It’s been so long since we had a picnic!” The grin never faltered on Chenle’s face, only growing wider at your suggestions.
“Do you have any requests Donghyuck?” You turned to the previously neglected boy.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’ll be coming with us, of course. After all, you’re meant to be with Lele as an adviser. How about some rice cakes, I heard you were craving some the other day?”
“O-oh, ok! Thanks!” Donghyuck stuttered out, a grin pulling at the corners of his lips.
“I’ll go get dressed and speak to the kitchens so that they’ll be able to prepare our food by lunch time. We’ll meet by the back entrance nearest to the garden.” Gathering up your discarded sweater, you stepped into your slippers. Swiftly you left Chenle’s room, skipping towards your own, humming lightly under your breath. You pushed open the door to your room only to be met with your lady in waiting. She gave you a stern look, not quite happy with your unannounced absence. Scolding you lightly for scaring her with your disappearance, she pulled out a sheer lavender gown that perfectly fit the mood for such a warm spring day. You quickly showered and pulled on the dress, hardly bothering to dry your hair before rushing down to the kitchens. Putting in your lunchtime requests, you thanked them warmly and grabbed a peach for breakfast, not wanting to spoil your appetite. The rest of the morning was spent in preparation for your picnic, rushing around to collect the necessary materials for the outing.
Lunchtime rolled around and you made your way back to the kitchens, finding your meal already packed up nicely in a large wicker basket. You smiled gratefully, grabbing the basket from the counter. You groaned from the weight of the food, struggling to drag the basket through the halls and towards the back entrance. Halfway there you heard footsteps coming from your left and you peered out of the corner of your eye to see Donghyuck approaching your lagging form. He chuckled lightly at your struggle, picking up his pace so that he could help you carry the heavy load. You smiled in gratitude, thanking him for his help as you finally made it to the back door. Chenle was already there, waiting for the two of you. He wore a shirt with fabric similar to your own dress and you rolled your eyes at the maids’ attempts at making the two of you seem the perfect siblings. Donghyuck took note of your matching outfits, slight embarrassment coursing through his veins at his choice of more casual clothing.
“Come on now, Hyuck, we have a bit of a walk and I need your help carrying the basket!” Your cheery voice called for his attention and he immediately took action, taking the basket out of your arms.
“O-oh I can help you, I didn’t mean for you to take the whole thing.” You stuttered.
“It’s fine, Princess,” he grinned. “I’m stronger than you’d think.” He shot you a sly wink, already heading towards the door.
“Hey, hyung, wait up! You don’t even know where we’re going!” Chenle called out, wrapping his fingers around your wrist to drag you with him as he ran to catch up with Donghyuck. Chenle took the lead, you and Donghyuck following close behind as you struck up conversation.
“Now where exactly are we going to?”
“There’s this lovely little river deeper into the gardens, hardly anyone ever goes there and the entire area is just covered with the most beautiful flowers. Chenle and I discovered it when we were younger and we’ve been going down there for picnics nearly every spring month. It’s been a while since we’ve gone back.” You hummed, swinging your arms and basking in the sun. “So what’s your story?” You asked abruptly, turning to look at him.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, why did you want to be a royal adviser, of all things. Chenle told me that your family lives rather far out, it must be hard not being able to see them often.”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged to the best of his ability, the picnic basket making it difficult to move his upper body. “I’ve always admired the royal family and all they’ve done for the country and I guess I wanted to be a part of that. It can be hard without my family at times, but I try to go down at least twice a month.”
“I admire you, Hyuck. And, I’m grateful. Chenle’s been, I guess, we’ve been a little lonely around here. Sure, we have each other, but it can be hard growing up without any other children. I could tell that Chenle was growing bored with just the two of us, even if he tried to hide it. You’ve been good for him Donghyuck.” You smiled up at him, the sun kissing your skin and basking you in a warm glow. Donghyuck stuttered for a moment, caught off guard by your appraisal and the pure beauty radiating from you.
“I-it’s no big deal. I’m just doing my job.” He laughed awkwardly.
The sound of trickling water filled your ears and you sped up, looking back at Donghyuck to encourage him to move faster as well. The river came into view and you laid out the picnic blanket you had brought along, Chenle immediately plopping down onto it.
“Leave room for the rest of us.” You laughed, nudging the boy with your toe as Donghyuck placed the basket down. Chenle begrudgingly sat up, allowing the rest of you to settle onto the blanket. You all worked to unpack your meal, dishes spread across the gingham material. Happy chatter filled the air, nearly drowning out the sound of the river as you all ate together. Once finished, Chenle was quick to rid himself of his shoes and socks, excited to wade in the river.
“Don’t get your clothes wet!” You called out to him. “The maids will have a fit if you ruin another shirt!” He shot you a thumbs up in response, lifting up small rocks in hopes of finding a creature living underneath.
“Why don’t you join him?” Donghyuck questioned, nudging his shoulder lightly with yours.
“I will later. I want to enjoy the moment for a little while more.” Laying down, you closed your eyes, allowing the sun to soak into your skin. You heard Donghyuck shuffling around before a shadow covered your face, causing you to open your eyes. You were met with a smiling Donghyuck shyly holding a flower out to you.
“What’s this?”
“It matches your dress, here.” He reached down, tucking the flower behind your ear.
“Thank you.” You murmured, gazing dumbly at the boy leaning over you. A small smile graced his face, his lips enticingly soft and plump. The two of you lay frozen for a moment, gazes flickering around each others faces. Suddenly, Donghyuck went rigid above you, water dripping down his hair. He moved away from your body to reveal a snickering Chenle behind him.
“You’re gonna get it.” Donghyuck glared, bolting up to chase after the younger boy. You sat back on the blanket, laughing at their antics. They splashed about in the river; you had long given up on telling Chenle to keep his clothes clean. The sun slowly began lulling you to sleep and you closed your eyes, laying back on the ground. Quiet filled the still air, peace sweeping over your body. However, as the silence grew, unease began to replace the previous peace. You were just about to reopen your eyes when a soft voice whispered into your ear.
“Boo.” You sat straight up, ready to whip your head around when Donghyuck lifted you up in his arms.
“What are you doing?” You screeched indignantly, frantically hitting his biceps.
“Don’t think we’re leaving you out of all the fun, princess.” He snickered.
“Don’t you dare.”
“Too late.” He grinned, releasing you into the cold water of the river. Spluttering, you moved hair out of your face, glaring up at the cackling boy. Your dress clung uncomfortably to your torso, the fabric conforming perfectly to your body. Donghyuck’s gaze flickered towards your chest for a moment before resting on your fuming face.
“Lee Donghyuck, you are so dead.”
❃❃❃❃
The sun was slowly setting, painting the sky with vivid colors. The three of you had been at the river for hours now, all the running around finally catching up to you as you all lay on the blanket. Clothes still drying, the cool spring air caused bumps to rise on your skin. You were laid between the two boys and you nuzzled closer into their embraces in an attempt to gain warmth. Donghyuck hummed in content, bringing his arm to rest underneath your head as a makeshift pillow.
“We should head back soon,” you mumbled, “it’s getting dark out.”
The other two merely hummed in agreement, no one making the first move. Fighting the sleep from your eyes you sat up, whines following the loss of body heat.
“Come on boys, up we go. Otherwise we might get in trouble.” You were met with groans of protest but you hardly noticed, collecting the remains of your lunch. Finally, Donghyuck rolled off the blanket, nudging Chenle to do the same. The two folded up the blanket and collected the few remaining plates. Smiling, you closed up the basket, already walking back to the castle with a light skip in your step. Donghyuck looked after you fondly, the folded picnic blanket draped over his arm. Despite his continuous efforts to maintain conversation, Chenle couldn’t seem to hold the older’s attention. A dumb smile rested over Donghyuck’s face and Chenle followed his gaze to land on you. Smirking wickedly, Chenle not so gently nudged Donghyuck in the side, successfully pulling his attention away from you.
“What’s up?” Donghyuck flushed, embarrassed at being caught.
“Nothing.” Chenle shrugged, whistling a happy tune as he skipped to catch up with you.  Shaking his head, Donghyuck raced ahead of the both of you, challenging someone to keep up with him. Not one to back down from a challenge, Chenle picked up his pace, leaving you in the dust. You only laughed, amused by the boys antics. Upon returning to the castle, Chenle volunteered himself and Donghyuck to return the blanket and basket. Confused but grateful, you headed back towards your room to wash up for dinner.
“I’m surprised you volunteered—”
“She’s fragile, you know,” Chenle abruptly cut the older off. “She acts like she’s strong, always trying to keep me safe. But I can tell, she’s scared. I know she blames herself for what happened when I was a child. I, I wish she would understand that I place no fault on her. And that she’d see I’m stronger than she thinks. I want to protect her, but I know she’d never let that happen.” He turned to face Donghyuck.
“Hyung, I’m telling you all of this because I can see you care about her. I trust you to take care of her. She may come off a little headstrong, but I can see her become more carefree when you’re around, more like how she used to be. Keep her safe, ok?”
Donghyuck gaped slightly, shocked by the sudden display of maturity from his junior.
“Hyung?” Chenle prodded.
“I’ll take care of Y/n, Chenle, I promise. I-I give you my word.”
❃❃❃❃
The silence surrounding you was suffocatin, darkness filling your vision. There was one good thing about living in such a vast castle; you were always able to find an empty room to clear your head of all negative thoughts. Tears flowed freely down your face, all the pent up stress from the last few weeks escaping with each drop. Your parents continuously refused your pleas of outing the source of the threats which had only been growing more frequent. Frustration clouded your mind, distracting you from your lessons and earning you multiple rebukings from your teachers. The final straw had come in the form of your sprained wrist, injured during your archery lesson. As soon as you were released from the infirmary, you rushed to the west wing in search of the empty storage room you used for the sole purpose of clearing your head.
Sobs wracked through your body, head tucked between your knees as you sat on the cold ground. It was hard keeping up a front for your younger brother, never wanting him to see you the least bit weak. Exhaust overtook your body, all your pent up emotions hitting you at full force. The doorknob wiggled, sending a wave of fear through your body. You scrambled to make yourself presentable, wiping away tears and patting down loose hairs. Just as you went to duck behind a broken bookcase, the door opened to reveal a rather concerned looking Donghyuck.
“Are you all right, princess? I thought I heard something—were you crying?”
Your eyes widened at his accusation and you turned your head to hide your tear streaked face from his prying eyes.
“I, no there’s just some dust in my eyes.” You blinked rapidly, absentmindedly moving about the room.
“What are you doing in here princess?”
“I was just looking to see if there was any spare furniture we could donate to the orphanage.”
“Princess…” Donghyuck’s voice sounded closer, and you turned to find him stood right before you. “You don’t have to lie to me.” His whisper echoed around the room and you couldn’t help the tears that came to your eyes.
“It’s ok.” Donghyuck wrapped you in his embrace, stroking soothingly at the top of your head. “Let it out. You’re safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you, I promise. You don’t have to be strong for me.” He rocked you slowly in his hold and you melted in his arms, wrapping your own around his warm torso. Time came to a standstill as you cried into his chest, tears soaking through his shirt. Warm lips pressed to the crown of your head and you finally looked up, gaze locked with Donghyuck’s. The two of you momentarily froze, lost in the moment, neither wanting to make the first move. Slowly, Donghyuck brought his lips down to meet yours, warmth spreading over your body. Hardly hesitating to reciprocate, your lips moved against his as soon as they met. Moving in synchronization, Donghyuck brought a hand up to cup your face, the other landing on your waist. You smiled into the kiss, lips parting from one another and Donghyuck took a small step back, smile mirroring your own.
“Thank you, Hyuck.” You whispered, resting your head on his chest.
❃❃❃❃
Donghyuck’s hand held tightly onto yours, thumb running soothing circles over the back. The courtroom lay silent as you sat safely towards the back, Chenle and Donghyuck on either side. The defendant, accused of sending threats to the king and queen, was situated at the front. Your parent’s initial suspicions were right, the traitor was close to the royal family. In fact, he was the head guard, making the situation all the more perilous. Every member of the court held their breath, all evidence pointing towards the defendant. The judge opened the jurors decision, announcing to the room that the head guard was found guilty.
A gargantuan wave of relief crashed over your body and you turned to embrace your brother, tears pricking at your eyes. Donghyuck ran a soothing hand up and down your back and you turned to face him, a grin still pulling at your lips. He pulled you nearly completely into his lap, placing a sloppy kiss to your cheek. Chenle gagged in protest and you only rolled your eyes, pulling your arms tighter around Donghyuck.
“I never would have told you to take care of her if I knew you guys would be so gross, hyung.” Chenle muttered, settling back into the wooden bench.
“Oh, come on Lele,” you exclaimed bringing an arm over his shoulders to pull him into your side as well. “We’re safe now. We don’t have to worry anymore. In fact, why don’t we go into the village.”
“Right now?” Chenle fidgeted giddily in his seat. “Do you think we can?”
“We’ll have to ask mother and father, of course, but if they say yes then we should go. It’s been, what, months?” Chenle cheered beside you, running up to the front of the room to where the king and queen sat.
“Maybe we could visit my family.” Donghyuck suggested. “They’d probably faint if they saw royalty up close.” He snickered.
“I’d love to.” You laughed, leaning up to place a chaste kiss on his lips.
Chenle rushed back to the two of you, relaying your parents approval to travel outside the castle walls, as long as you went with the proper protection. The three of you excitedly stood from your seats, guards already heading your way to accompany you on your excursion.
Sunlight warmed your skin, children’s laughter filling the summer air. Donghyuck’s hand held tightly onto yours as the three of you traveled around the village. Adrenaline poured off of you and Chenle, thrilled that you were finally able to escape the looming gate surrounding the castle. Donghyuck laughed at your excitement, happy to catch a rare glimpse of your childish demeanor.
“Noona, come on! The bakery is right around the corner!”
“Let’s go, Hyuck! It’s been so long since I last tasted one of their milk buns.” You tugged lightly at his hand, hurrying towards the famed storefront. Donghyuck allowed you to drag him around, happy to see you so full of joy. A bell over the door sounded as you entered the establishment, the smell of baked goods wafting through the heavy air.
“Your highnesses!” A voice sounded from behind the counter and a stout middle-aged woman rushed towards the two of you. “It’s been so long since we last saw you, I was beginning to think they had you locked away up there.” She chuckled heartily, wrapping you both in a warm embrace.
“How many times must we tell you to drop the formalities? You’ve known us since we were children,  you’re practically our second mother.” You laughed, pulling away slightly to face her.
“Come now, you look like you’ve lost weight since your last visit, and I can’t be having that. Chenle will disappear if he grows any thinner.” She bustled back around the corner, pausing when she finally notices Donghyuck’s presence. “Now who’s this dashing young man?”
“Oh, uh, I’m donghyuck ma’am, Chenle’s adviser in training.” He gave an awkward bow, stumbling over his words. You brought a hand up to his arm, silently laughing at his evident nerves.
“How polite.” She giggled, gaze flickering to where your hand rested on his arm. “Here, I have some milk buns fresh out of the oven. Donghyuck, is there anything in particular you would like?”
“No, ma’am, I’m fine. Thank you, though.” Taking hold of the buns laid before you, you placed a few coins on the counter, knowing that the baker would insist on giving you the buns for free. You tore a piece off of your own bun, holding it up to Donghyuck’s mouth.
“Come on Hyuck, open up. They’re delicious, I promise.” Hesitantly, Donghyuck parted his lips, the flesh brushing over your fingertips as he took the bun into his mouth. His eyes lit up at the taste, a satisfied hum vibrating through his chest.
“Oh my god that was amazing!” He swallowed, a childish look of wonderment evident on his face.
“Do you want your own? Because I’m not sharing any more of mine.” Donghyuck nodded excitedly, reaching into his pocket to dig around for some loose change. He greedily held out the money, immediately sinking his teeth into the soft good.
“We should head out now if we want to visit your family, hyung.” Chenle piped up, gesturing to a clock on the wall. Nodding in agreement, the three of you set out once more, guards tailing close behind. You made your way out of the center of the village, Donghyuck taking the lead. It was your turn to admire how his face glowed in happiness, the sun hitting his skin perfectly.
“How long has it been since you last visited them?” You queried, arms coming to rest around his torso.
“Probably two months.” He muttered, shame laced in his voice. “It’s been hard, considering all the threats. The king and queen wanted me to be close just in case anything happened.”
“I’m sorry, Hyuck, if I’d have known I would have asked them to let you go.”
“It’s fine, princess, I wanted to stay anyways, I promised to keep you safe now, didn’t I?” You flushed slightly at his words, pinching his sides in embarrassment.
“We’re here!” Donghyuck cheered. “Wait, ok, you two hide behind me.”
“Why are we hiding?” Chenle puzzled.
“Donghyuck, did you not tell your family we were coming?” You pulled away from his embrace, hitting him on the arm.
“Nope.” He grinned. “Come on, it’ll be great.” Rolling your eyes, you and Chenle ducked behind Donghyuck as he knocked on the door. It swung open, a sharp gasp of happiness following.
“Ducky!” A voice called out in delight.
“Hi mom, I brought you a surprise.” With that, Donghyuck moved out of the way and you stood straight up, smiling shyly.
“Hello Mrs. Lee.”
Donghyuck’s mother stood frozen for a moment, shocked at the sudden royal presence. Suddenly, her gaze sharpened and she turned to Donghyuck, his laughter fading away at his mother’s expression.
“You go two whole months with no contact and then you suddenly decide to show up with no warning whatsoever and half of the royal family at my doorstep!” She exclaimed, gripping tightly onto Donghyuck’s forearm.
“Mooom, I’m sorry I thought you’d want to meet them!”
“Yes, with a fair warning so that I wouldn’t have a heart attack!” Donghyuck whined as his mother dragged him inside. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, your highnesses.” Mrs. Lee smiled politely, gesturing for the two of you to come inside. You laughed in response, following Chenle inside, guards stationed by the door. The interior of the home screamed warmth and hospitality, a sense of calm washed over the walls.
“Sorry it’s a bit of a mess, someone didn’t give me a warning in advance.” A prolonged whine sounded from elsewhere in the house.
“It’s fine, really, Mrs. Lee. Your home is so lovely.”
“Are you two hungry? The least I could try to do is fix you something to eat.”
“I’m already making us some stew!” Donghyuck called out, presumably from the kitchen.
“All right baby, try not to set any napkins on fire.”
“That was one time, stop telling everyone I almost burned down our house!”
“Oh my god, hyung, is this you?” Chenle laughed, gazing at a picture frame sat on the mantel. You moved to his side, laughter bubbling past your lips at the photograph of a young Donghyuck sat naked in a bath. Footsteps padded up behind you and a low groan was breathed onto your neck.
“Now I remember why I didn’t want to bring you guys here.”
“Are you kidding? This stuff’s great!” Chenle snorted, picking up another picture with who you assumed were his siblings.
“Ducky, your water’s about to boil over!” His mother called out and he ran back into the kitchen.
“Where are the kids ma?”
“With the neighbors. They would have been here if I knew you were coming.”
“I get it ma! I thought it’d be nice to surprise you!”
“And I’m very thankful.” His mother placed a loud kiss on his cheek, earning another whine from the boy. You laughed, floating over to where Donghyuck stood in the kitchen, resting your chin on his shoulder.
“I’m thankful too.” You whispered, placing a short kiss to his neck. “Your mother’s so sweet.”
“Yea, to you, because you’re the princess.” He mumbled, bringing a hand down to rest over your arms wrapped around his waist.
“You’re just jealous because your mom likes me more than you.” You teased, nipping at his ear.
“Oh, shut up.”
❃❃❃❃
Dishes clattered against the table, the entire family crowded around the table. You laughed happily at the tales Donghyuck’s siblings were recounting, much to the latter’s dismay. Chenle was absolutely ecstatic, happy to find more friends close to his age.
Stew almost flew out of your nose as you snorted at their story about Donghyuck and their old pet cat.
“That thing hated me, I swear.” He pouted beside you, lazily running a hand along your back. “It had a death wish against me.”
“Probably because you ate its food.” His younger sister teased.
“I just wanted to know how it tasted! He didn’t have to scratch me. Look! I still have the scar!” Donghyuck held out his arm for you to inspect.
“Aww, poor baby. Did the mean cat hurt you?” You pouted mockingly, pressing a kiss to his wrist.
“Why is everyone turning against me.” He huffed, pulling his arm away from your hold. The table erupted into laughter and you playfully pinched his cheek.
Once dinner had ended you helped Donghyuck carry your dishes back into the kitchen to clean up whilst Chenle and the rest of the family sat in the living room. Donghyuck offered to wash while you dried, and you worked in happy synchronization.
“I think my family is more in love with you than I am.” He chuckled, scrubbing at a bowl. “Especially my brothers.
“Hhhhm, is little Hyucky jealous?” You hummed, bumping his shoulder with your own.
“As if.” He snorted, flicking water at you. You froze, mouth agape in shock.
“Oh, it is so on.” You deadpanned, reaching across him to run your hand under the water, splashing back at him. The kitchen soon filled with the sound of your laughter, the two of you making a bigger mess than you had started out with. Donghyuck was just about to dump a pot of soapy dishwater over your head when you took a step back, slipping on the overflow. Quickly, he brought his arm around your waist to steady you, pulling you into his chest. You snuggled into his warm, albeit wet, embrace, happiness coursing through your veins. He tilted your head up, bringing his lips to yours. Both of you smiled, lips molding together in perfect unity. Safety. Finally, you felt safe.
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starlightasgardian · 7 years ago
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Broken (Chapter 2)
Read the first part here
Pairing: Bucky x reader
Word Count: about 2k
Summary: You and Bucky have been captured by Hydra, and The Winter Soldier has been activated. 
Warnings: ALL THE ANGST, lil bit of heartbreak, blood and injuries, threats
A/N: I’m sorry this took so long to update! However, instead of making this a two-parter I’ve decided to turn it into a series. This year I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit health wise, I’m currently posting this from the hospital so :)) Feedback is ALWAYS appreciated and let me know if you have any ideas or requests! 
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Bucky was a silent assassin, staring at the wall ahead, waiting for orders. There was only one word to describe how you felt. Horrified.
The room stayed in silence for a while, nothing daring to make a sound. The only thing you could hear was the beating of your heart, and the readjusting of Bucky’s meal arm.
Finally, the Mystery Man closed the book shut with a harsh fist, causing you to snap out of whatever daydreaming you were doing to get yourself out of this awful situation.
“I can’t wait for the fun to begin!” He said, his excitement disturbing. “Soldat, you are going to be my prize entertainment for tonight. Do you have any idea who this is, standing in front of you?”
Your heart leapt as you made eye contact with him. Maybe he did recognize you, maybe he wasn’t going to hurt you, maybe-
“No, sir.”
Your hopes shattered. His voice was dry and cracked from screaming and begging, but he wouldn’t remember that. Not only was he quieter than usual, but he sounded cold, and uncaring. Not like the James you knew. Your face fell at his words, and you wondered if it was just your imagination or if he looked as though he regretted saying no because of it.
The glimpse of the man you knew was gone, however, after Mystery Man looked him straight in the eye and said “I have orders for you, Sergeant.”
Bucky stiffened immediately and his stone cold facade returned. He didn’t speak, awaiting orders as he was trained to do.
You desperately tried to get him to look at you again, to try and break through, but you knew it was useless when you heard his commander say, “I need her unconscious so she can be transported to a cell without a struggle. Don’t hit her in the head though, at least not yet, we don’t want permanent brain damage ruining our fun.”
Bucky stepped forward quickly and you flinched, trying to stand your ground but finding it increasingly hard as he got closer and closer to you with every large stride.
You wanted to prove to him that you loved him, that you could never be scared of him, but your feet betrayed you and you stepped back, farther away from his grasp. It was pointless and you knew it as he reached his metal arm out and wrapped it around your neck with ease.
He didn’t stop there, however, he continued to walk forward with your neck in his hands until your back was hitting the wall.
With each moment you found it increasingly hard to breathe as his fingers squeezed in just the right places. He wasn’t even looking at you, you realized, he was analyzing you. It wasn’t because he cared. He just wanted to make sure his mission was complete. With hot tears burning in your eyes, your hands flew up to his, unable to stop him from constricting your airways but trying nevertheless. You clawed and grasped and kicked, but it was no use. Your vision slowly started to black out and the last thing you remember is the harsh sound of laughter.
When you awoke, you noticed you were in a damp room, chained to the wall. You had no idea where Bucky or the Mystery Man went, and it took you awhile to regain your senses. You wondered how long you had been out for but there was no way to tell. There were no windows, no clocks, nothing but the growing ache in your stomach and your dry throat thirsting for water.
You took the time alone to observe: you found yourself in one of many cells along a thin hallway, metal bars and dirt floors along the way. Clearly Hydra’s prisoners weren’t here for a vacation. There were two cells beside you and one directly across, but you couldn’t tell if anyone else was there. It appeared that you were alone, and somehow that made you feel more uneasy than you already did. You couldn’t help but notice the blood stains on the floor, the tally marks carved into the walls. Were they planning on keeping you here forever?
You remained silent, waiting, until finally you heard the sound of a door open. Heavy footsteps followed, and Mystery Man came in escorting no other than the infamous Winter Soldier.
Except...was it really him? Bucky’s face was newly bloody and bruised, his feet failing him as he was shoved harshly into the cell across from yours. You had no idea what was happening, and before you could ask, your captor said:
“He’s a tough one to crack. As soon as you were out, he realized what he did and went all psycho on me. Took seven of my agents to pin him down and he only stopped fighting when I threatened him with the book again. He said he would do anything to stop it, anything to let you go home, and you should have seen the look on his face when I started laughing. I’d call it a healthy mix of...utter hopelessness and rage? Anyways, my pal Bucky here couldn’t do much more resisting when I read his trigger words again, but we’re giving him some time to recover from his valiant fight. I hope you use this bonding opportunity to your advantage, (Y/N). Au revoir!”
Before you could even say anything, he was gone. You didn’t know how to react to what was happening, did you try talking to Bucky? Did you make yourself small and unknown and not draw his attention towards you? Does he want your help or does he want your silence?
You figured there was only one way to find out.
“Hey, James...” you let out softly.
He didn’t stir from his place on the floor.
“Do you know who I am?”
Nothing, still.
“I’m sorry...I’m sorry Hydra got to you again.” There were not enough words for the apology you wanted to give.
His breathing hitched. You noticed his figure was stiffer than before, he was definitely listening to you. And he knew Hydra was the enemy.
That’s as far as you got that night (or was it morning?) and Bucky never responded to a single word you said.
You promised you were on his side, that you would never hurt him, that you loved him and your forgave him for anything he was forced to do.
Nothing happened until Mystery Man came in and ordered Bucky to stand up. His face was still bloody, but you could tell his injuries were already healed because of the serum.
Your cell was unlocked and you were forced to follow as you wove through the intricate hallways. You knew there was no point in trying to memorize the directions. You were lead into a room with guards standing on either side of you and a large screen facing the opposite direction.
To your shock, you saw the rest of your team’s faces staring back at you when you faced it.
“(Y/N)!”
The Avengers all started talking at once, you couldn’t tell the difference between “you’re alive!” or “are you okay?” or “what have they done to you?” or “where is Bucky?”
“Ah, such a good question!” The Mystery Man interrupted. Everyone fell silent at once. “Soldat, show yourself.”
Bucky stepped forward into the camera’s view, following his instructions and staring blankly as if he had no idea who these people were. His friends. His family.
The silence came to a standstill when Tony said “what do you want from us? Money? Take it. Just let them go. They have done nothing to you.”
“No, I suppose not, but I do have great use for them. Soldat, show your strength. It’s time to show them the Bucky they know is gone.”
Realization hit the faces of your peers. This wasn’t him...this was The Winter Soldier.
Mystery Man gestured for him to come over, and something was whispered to him in Russian. 
You had no time to think before a strong metal hand pinned you to the wall and knocked the breath out of you. 
You couldn’t comprehend what it felt like as he backhanded you across the face, and you could barely hear the panicked shouts of your teammates.
You didn’t know what to do when the love of your life kicked you in the ribs, probably shattering one.
Bucky hit you, kicked you, punched you, choked you, never ceasing but never doing it hard enough to permanently injure or kill you. You were hoping it was because a piece of him was still in there and he didn’t want to bring you harm, but you knew it was because Hydra needed you alive. His eyes were heartless and so was he. 
Mystery Man’s voice was sharp and clear in your mind as he finally told Winter to stand down.
You were left a gasping, broken mess on the floor, and you didn’t know what to do as Bucky stepped over you, stepped over you, and walked away. 
You were left there, laying hopeless on the ground, as you heard the words that changed everything. 
“I know you managed to secure a vial of the deadly virus before we could get our hands on it.”
You had completely forgotten about the virus, why you were here in the first place. You had a feeling everyone else did too, and Natasha’s face paled. 
“This is my ultimatum: bring it to me, and (Y/N) is yours. Don’t, and Bucky Barnes will kill her tonight.” 
The video feed suddenly cut off, and you could do nothing but wait. 
TAGS (send me an ask to be added!): @camasy @agentsinstorybrooke @gay-ghost-is-gay @marvelousthingsallaround @beautiful-little-fool1 @sweetlydecaf @ive-died-everyday-waiting-you @atinalem @celestialshawn @wanna-see-my-lease
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pinktacofury · 7 years ago
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Grouchy Wolf Pup
Heya guys and gals, dipping my fingers into the Twilight Saga fandom here, might as well give this one a try too right? Lurv PTF.
Warnings- Fluff, language, suggestive themes, detailed phasing.
Summary- Lilly Black returned home to the Reservation after her mother’s passing to stay with her father, unfortunately due to the rise in vampires around the city of forks she ,in a fit of anger, phases sending her head first into the Quileute secret.
A/n- I do not own any of the people places or things in this imagine, I do however own Lilly and her wolf.
Italics- Wolf link 
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    Lilly had jet lag and a headache from hell, her mother was gone and she was sent to Forks Washington to live with her father, her aunt from Seattle had refused to take her in insisting that it would do Lilly some good to live with her father.... She highly doubted it but there was nothing she could do about it now. Arriving at the small house her father and twin brother lived in she gave a little sigh running her hand over her face, Jacob looked over at her from he driver seat of his Volkswagen Rabbit giving her a slight frown.
“I know this isn’t what you wanted Lil but it won’t be that bad.” He tried to sooth her failing miserably as the carefully constructed dam of emotions broke and she unleashed her fury on Jacob, she knew he didn’t deserve it it and this wasn’t his fault but she lost control.
“No I didn’t want any of this to happen! I didn’t want mom to die! I didn’t want to get stuck here! I didn’t want to come back to this shitty little town! I did....” Her shouts were cut short as a gut wrenching pain shot through her body from the tips of her toes to the top of her head, in a matter of seconds her world exploded and she was left stumbling around with very little balance... she felt wrong, too heavy, she tried to stand only to fall onto her back rolling to stand only to catch sight of massive paws instead of hands.... she let out a scream only to have a howl replace her voice, turning her head as she lay on the ground breathing heavily she shot Jacob a questioning look.... he was laughing at her.... holding his sides almost rolling on the ground as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket dialling someone and talking between bouts of laughter.
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“I need Sam at the house.” Jacob stated still chuckling about something as Paul looked over at Sam nodding in the direction of the Black house, Sam nodded and as Jacob hung up Paul and the others followed expecting trouble... they did not expect the white wolf trembling, stumbling and whimpering around the yard crashing into Billy’s second attempt at fixing his boat... Quickly Phasing Sam made his way over to the little wolf pressing his side up against hers to steady her, her mind was racing as Paul phased at the nod of his Alpha rushing over to press his side against her other side, she could barely stand on her own as she panicked only making her panic all the more.
“Easy, we are here to help.” Sam murmured with authority as the little white wolf growled at the intrusion of the two larger males.
“The hell is going on? What am I? Why do I have a tail!? Why am I a dog!!” She whimpered dropping to the ground between the two nearly sending them falling over her as she covered her ears with her paws.
“You’re a wolf...It’s a Quileute tribe thing....” Paul stated as Sam phased leaving him to deal with the little wolf, she looked him in the eye and his world shifted, his heart raced and his brain almost completely shut down, from the look in her eyes and the was her mind froze, she felt the same. 
“Mine.” They stated in unison scaring the crap out of her and confusing the hell out of him.
“Let me help you okay? We can do this together.” Paul stated lowering himself to his stomach in front of her, his nose almost touching hers as he looked into her terrified blue eyes, the eyes of the rest of the pack were on them but Paul didn’t care.
“My mom is gone... I have a tail... I don’’t understand any of this... I need chocolate.... can I have chocolate still?.... I’m a dog would it kill me?.... Did mom know this could happen?..... Am I dead?... The plane crashed and I’m dead... the afterlife is hell.....” Her thoughts running through his head were giving him a headache with how fast they whizzed by almost as if she were having a panic attack... was she?
“Hey, hey look at me, look at me. What is your name?” He asked reaching up and pulling her paw from her ear with his own, almost like a gentle smack.
“Lilly Black, Jacob is my twin.” She stated looking at him with her muzzle pressed into the dirt whimpering still though she began to calm down looking at him.
“I’m Paul, How old are you? When is your birthday?” He asked tilting his head at her, his ears perking as he noticed she had calmed a little.
“Seventeen, January fourteenth nineteen ninety.” She murmured a little shakily, he rose from where he lay on the ground tilting his head at her as she moved to follow on shaking legs, like a newborn fawn.
“Good, good, just keep step with me and lean on my side if you need okay? Take this one step at a time.” He murmured looking over at her laughing a little as she stared down at his feet trying to mimic his movements, she would probably be pretty graceful if she didn’t trip over her hind legs every time she took a step.
“Why are the others going dog? I’m scared Paul.... The big back one is scary!” She gave a little squeal as Sam walked up to her giving a chuckle in her head which seemed like a soft wavering growl from his mouth.
“It’s called Phasing, the others want to meet you. Sam is our Alpha, Since they’ve been laughing at us since I phased to help you.” He chuckled as the others bounded over happily seeming to bounce with the excitement Lilly and Paul could feel through the link.
“Rude.” She huffed literally her wolf huffing indignantly with her statement though she eyed Sam warily out of the corner of her eye, her ears pressed tight against her head as Sam stepped in front of her, she gave a little whimper as she dropped to her stomach laying her head on her paws, he was very clearly an alpha and she did fear him.
“My name is Sam, this is Quil, Embry, Jared, you know your brother and you know your Imprint Paul.” Sam stated motioning with is muzzle to the other wolves as each name flowed into her head.
“Pleasure to meet you.... Sooooooo....” She murmured looking confused only to have Embry jump at her playfully, she let out a squeak throwing herself back hitting him in the face with her paw before growling slightly and lowering her head to the ground looking at Paul questioningly.
“Play fighting is a great way to learn how to move as a wolf... go ahead.” He chuckled shaking his massive head and chuckling as her tail began to wag playfully, at least she could pass her stumbling off as playful behavior he thought to himself earning a growl from her.
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     Billy had rolled out of the house some time between her shouts and her phasing chuckling slightly as she had stumbled around confused, he frowned slightly as his boat was once again smashed.... why did he decide to try and rebuild it in the yard? He was happy for her as he watched her roll around playfully with the grey and black spotted wolf in a blur of white and grey. His daughter was home, she was distracted from her mother’s passing and she had found another family... she would thrive here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       Lilly lounged in the small room she had been lent at Emily’s house, the pack had welcomed her with open arms and she was quite happy, once in awhile she would get caught up in her head and in turn get a little depressed seeking out her favorite wolf Paul who would cuddle her back to being happy.
“So happy that you came to Forks... Life was a little boring without you around.” He would murmur in her ear before she curled her face into his neck hmming happily.
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mama-montgomery · 7 years ago
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Don’t Wanna Be Your Girl No More
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Word Count: 2265
Warnings: ANGST, a lil fluff
Summary: Maybe Dacre’s just too perfect?
AN: Listen to Don’t Wanna Be Your Girl No More by Wet while you read this, like have it on loop.
______________________________________________________________
Atelophobia:
(Noun) A fear of imperfections; the fear of not being good enough
Origins: Greek, atelos ‘imperfect’
______________________________________________________________
It’s just not right, its
       I can’t explain why I’ve been feeling this way. I don’t even know what brought this sudden epiphany but I can’t keep ignoring it. Every time I see you, it just nags at the back of my mind. Every time you smile at me my heart breaks a little more. Its like small cracks in fine China. How I managed to hold it together this long, I’ll never know. The guilt leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I can’t remember the last time I tasted the sweetness of your lips.
       Everyday you wake up and run your fingers through my hair. You whisper sweet nothings in my ear until I wake up. You smile at me and your eyes shine brighter than the sun through our window curtains.
       Every day you go to work but you never leave without telling me how much you’d rather stay home with me. You kiss my forehead and hold me in your arms before you reluctantly pull your arms away. Our elderly neighbor says she hasn’t seen a boy that head-over-heels in love since she met her husband.
       Every night you lay with me in bed and we talk about our day. You lay your head on my chest and draw little circles on my hips while I play with your hair. I still don’t know if you like listening to my voice or the sound of my heartbeat. Eventually, you fall asleep and I stay awake, staring at your face. I always get so lost in the peacefulness of your face. Every time, I stroke your cheek and every time you smile in your sleep. I can’t tell you how many tears I’ve shed at that scene alone. I can’t tell you how many silent tears I’ve wiped away while you slept peacefully on my chest. You thought you were listening to my heart beating when really it was the sound of my heart shattering over and over again.
I don't wanna be your girl no more, no more I just wanna see your face at home, home, home
       I remember when we first started dating. In the beginning, it was so surreal. I remember wondering if this was all a dream and if so, I never wanted to wake up. I used to think about our future together. I already planned out our wedding and picked out possible names for our kids. Our wedding was going to be fairytale themed because you said I was your princess, “far more beautiful than Cinderella.” I always prayed we’d have a daughter so we could name her after our mums and our son, Kayd, after you. I even pictured our first house together. I already knew how you’d design the furniture and couldn’t wait for all our trips to IKEA.
       That dream is still here but it's now become a nightmare that I can’t seem to wake up from. It's like I’m in sleep paralysis and you can’t hear me screaming. I’m clawing at myself from the inside, begging you to wake me up and you don’t even notice. Maybe you were just as stuck as I was.
You can't do me right So I... decide that
       We can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep going on every day knowing I’m not good enough for you, knowing I’ll never be good enough for you. You deserve the world and so much more. I can’t give you the world, the moon or the stars. I can’t even give you the street I live on. I can’t keep living in fear of the day you’ll wake up and realize everything I’ve realized. I can’t keep waiting for the day you’ll wake up and see me the way I see me. My heart can’t take the idea of you slowly pulling away. It can’t take the idea of you realizing you don’t love me the way you thought you did. I had a dream you met someone better, someone good enough for you. She was gorgeous with bright colored eyes and model long legs. She had a perfectly flat stomach and curves like waves. She had cotton soft hair and a pearly white smile to die for. She wasn’t me. 
I don't wanna be your girl no more, no more I just wanna see you up and out, out of the door, no
       I’ve felt like this for awhile now but I just can’t seem to leave. I just can’t be the reason you’re all alone and crying. I just can’t be the reason you no longer smile when you wake up in the morning and my side of the bed is empty. I wish there was a way I could leave and take all the pain with me. I don’t care how much pain it gives me, so long as you never have to shed a tear. But I never get what I want. So I watch you leave for work every day and hope. I secretly hope you get up and walk out the door on your own. I’d rather watch you leave a million times than have to listen to you yell my name as I walk down the driveway and out of your life. 
I'm not living right So I... decide that
       The guilt is eating me alive. Everytime you smile at me, it's another dagger to my heart. I’m not worthy of your sweet sentiments. Every time you hold my hand in yours, it burns my skin. I don’t deserve your tender touch. Every time you hold me in your arms, my lungs ache and I can’t breathe. I’m not good enough for your ethereal embrace. Every time you say you love me... I don't wanna be your girl no more, no more        Don’t waste your time looking for me. I’ll be long gone before you even read this letter. I made my mom promise not to tell you where I’ve gone. Just move on and for my sake, fall in love.
-Y/N.
I won't hide the ways, I've tried It's just not right It's killing me tonight So, so
       Dacre collapsed on his knees, sobs violently raking through his body. He pulled at his hair and yelled. He had gotten home to an empty dark house. You’d normally let him know before you went out so he was immediately alarmed. He walked around the house expecting the worst but nothing could prepare him for the piece of paper on your shared bed. Suddenly remembering you weren’t home, he looked around and realized all your stuff was gone. He ran around the house, it looked as if you hadn’t even existed. He rushed to grab his keys stopping when he saw pictures on the table. One of the pictures was on old polaroid ripped in half. He remembered it was your favorite picture of you two. You didn’t really care too much about how you looked in it but he remembers how cute you thought he was in his beanie. It became his favorite beanie afterward.
     Dacre was in his car speeding through the streets. He had checked your old apartment but you weren’t there. He tried the park you used to love and again, you weren’t there. His thoughts were running a mile a minute. He tried to think of all the places you could’ve gone and if you were all right. Tears blurred his vision and as if that wasn’t enough, it began to rain violently. Dacre suddenly remembered the motel not too far from town the two of you had seen on your way home from one of your many road trips. He remembered you saying it was “cute” and that you guys should stay there on your next road trip. Not bothering to check the roads, Dacre made an immediate u-turn his car sliding on the slick roads.
      You had just gotten off the phone with another one of your friends who had called to check on you. After you told your mom you had left home for a bit, she became worried and asked them to make sure you were alright. You huffed before falling backward onto the bed. The room was exceptionally clean for a motel. You noted all the little details around the room that added to the vintage theme of the motel before you realized you were simply trying to distract yourself from thinking about Dacre. He had to be home by now. Had he read the letter? Did he even notice you were gone? No calls or texts. Did he even care? Maybe he secretly wanted to break up and was happy you were gone. Is he happy now? You were torn from your thoughts when someone began to bang on your door. You had already called your friends to tell them you were fine so who else could possibly know you were here? You don’t remember telling Dacre about the motel so it couldn’t possibly be him. Hesitantly, you got off the bed and headed for the door before opening it.
       The moment Dacre saw you through the slightly open door he rushed in, trapping you in his arms. He didn’t even wait for you to open the door all the way or bother to close it once inside. He could feel your body stiff in his arms, you hadn’t even tried to hug him back but he didn’t care. “What the hell is going on? What are you doing? Why would you leave?” Dacre pressed his face into your hair as he spoke his voice cracking. You stayed still for a moment before pushing him away staring at him with wide eyes, “I left you a letter-” “Yeah, I read your fucking letter, y/n. How could you possibly think that? That what? That you’re not good enough for me? That you don’t deserve me? Y/n, I don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you right now, but I am! You think I could do better? Y/n, unless the heavens opened up right now and a literal fucking angel came down, I could never do better than you! You’re all I ever wanted, no fuck that, you’re more than I could’ve ever imagined! You’re more than I ever even knew I needed! The sight of our apartment without you almost fucking killed me and you think it's best if you weren’t in my life? I know what’s best for me and that’s you and that’s why I’m here.” Dacre paused, his breath heavy from raising his voice. Tears streamed down his red face but he didn’t bother wiping them away. They were the least of his worries. You blinked away your tears away, taking a deep breath as his words finally hit you. Dacre had never raised his voice at you before. “Dacre, I can never give you what you deserve! I can never be that model chick who looks perfect on your arm! You and I both know that! Everyone knows that!” Your chest heaved from the strain of yelling and trying not to break down in a mess of sobs. Dacre had barely let the words finish leaving your lips before he yelling back at you, “Who said that was what I wanted!” Dacre quickly closed the gap between you two, holding your face in his hands. “Babe, I want you. I want all of you. I want only you. You’re perfect, not because people say you are but because I love you. Because I love every part of you, from your eyes down to each and every single birthmark on your body. You’re perfect because you’re mine and I’m yours. You’re perfect because you’re the only person I want to be mine and because you’re the only person I ever want to belong to. I can’t even begin to describe the love I have for you in my heart. I can’t even begin to describe how much it hurt when I thought I lost you.” You gripped onto his shirt, balling the material in your fists. “Dacre.” Dacre pulled your face to him, pressing a kiss to your forehead before squeezing you in his arms and resting his face in your hair. “Y/n, baby, please, please, please, please, talk to me next time. If you’re ever doubting my feelings for you, tell me. I’ll never get tired of telling you how much I love you. I’ll tell the whole world, the moon, the sun and the stars if I have to but darling please, don’t ever leave me like that again. Okay? Princess, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I’m in love with you, okay?” You could feel his tears falling onto your hair as his body shook with sobs. You nod your head unable to will yourself to speak. Releasing his shirt, you pressed your hands against his stomach. He released his hold on you and looked down at the floor tears still pouring down his face. You grabbed his face making him look at you before you pulled him to you, your lips colliding in a passionate kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into him as if the two of you could merge into one being. Nothing else mattered in that moment. Not the tears still streaming down your faces or the open motel room door. Nothing but the man you held in your arms and the woman he held in his. Nothing but love.
______________________________________________________________
omgomgomgomg please don’t kill me for this, I cried writing this y’all. 
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dontcallmehelpless · 8 years ago
Text
13 Reasons Why (Daveed x Reader)
Sooooooo this took me literally forever to write, but I’m happy with the way it turned out!! Lil shoutout to Becca ( @angeilca-s ) helping me with some of the reasons ;) feedback would be lovely, and enjoy! 
Warnings: ANGST, swearing, it gets a little heated at one part but other than that I think it’s all good?
Words: 5447 (dang this took forever)
One - Constantly distracted
You mindlessly scraped the food around on your plate, your eyes glancing from the food up to your boyfriend, who obviously had something much more important than your three year anniversary on his phone.
“Babe, can you please put that away?” you hinted, glancing down at his phone when he looked up at you.
“Oh, yeah, mhm,” he nodded, sliding it into his back pocket and looking at you. That’s one of the many things that killed you, was the way he looked at you. No matter what you looked like, what you were doing, it didn’t matter. His chocolatey brown eyes bore into you like you put the stars in the sky and made the earth spin on its axis. You sighed and continued eating.
“Babygirl,” he strung out, letting the word slide right off his lips like music to your ears.
“Yes?” you responded, once again giving him your attention.
“I love you, I promise. So much,” he grinned, reaching over to take your hand. He rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand, something that you had always found calming.
“I love you too,” you replied, smiling back. It was a truly genuine smile. You couldn’t be more in love with the man sitting across from you.
Two - Coming home late
“I’m home,” you called out into your shared apartment. Daveed normally got home before you every day, so you weren’t expecting anything different. But when all you were welcomed with was emptiness and silence, you were a bit thrown off.
“D? You here?” you called again, only to be met with silence. You huffed, setting your things down and making a cup of tea. You had a stressful day at work, and all you wanted to do was cuddle and sleep. Kicking your heels off, you headed upstairs to change into some more comfortable clothes.
Once you had settled down onto the couch, fuzzy blanket and tv remote in hand, you flipped on Netflix, putting on old episodes of Gossip Girl. It ended up being more just background noise, as you fell asleep halfway through the second episode.
You were never a very heavy sleeper, which explained how you got woken up by the door closing, even though Daveed tried his hardest to be as quiet as possible. You sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and stretching out a bit.
“D? That you?” you mumbled.
“Of course babygirl, now go back to sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up,” he cooed, kissing your forehead and letting you curl up into his side. You were happiest in that position, feeling safe and warm. A smile spread across your face, only to be reciprocated by Daveed. He truly did love you, and he was trying his best to show that.
Three - Increased effort in appearance
Stumbling into the bathroom one morning, you found Daveed shaving. This was definitely something that happened often, but he was being quite particular this morning. The lines were smooth, the prickly hairs rubbing against your cheek as he kissed you good morning.
“Good morning my love, how did you sleep?” he asked, walking out of the bathroom and over to the ironing board, which was oddly out of place in the spare bedroom. You had put it in there a few months ago when you decided that it wasn’t used enough, and it had never been taken out since.
“Fine, what’s that for?” you questioned, nodding your head towards the board which had a light blue button-up laying across it.
“Oh, I’ve got a big meeting today with some producers. Gotta look the part,” he shrugged ever so slightly, slipping the shirt on. Tucking it in, he grabbed his phone and stuck it in his pocket before walking back over to you and pressing a passionate kiss to your lips.
“I love you babygirl, I’ll be home before dinner tonight,” he gave you a warm smile, which you couldn’t help but return.
“I can’t wait until then,” you called after him as he walked out the door, he waved back at you, before hopping into his car and driving down the street.
The house felt cold, almost, without Daveed here with you. It was a Saturday, which you had off, so he agreed to not work Saturdays either. Why he didn’t tell you about this meeting beforehand threw you off, but not as much as why he was putting in so much of an effort to look nice. You weren’t complaining, he obviously looked very handsome, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was up. Shrugging it off, you continued on with your day, the thought still nagging at the back of your mind.
Four - Change in music
Music flooded your ears as you walked into the kitchen, catching sight of your boyfriend making dinner. It was a wonderful thing to see, him acting like the spoon was a microphone, dancing around. When he noticed you watching him, he pulled you into it, twirling you around, earning a giggle from you. You couldn’t help but smile as he sang all of the words to you, staring into your eyes with his own. It was a song you didn’t recognize, but you still loved it nonetheless.
“Is this country?” you asked curiously, considering he never liked country music.
“Mhm,” he nodded, twirling you around once more. You cocked your head to the side and stared at him.
“Why are you listening to country? I thought you didn’t like it,” you questioned. He shrugged.
“I can’t like new music?” he said defensively, although he didn’t mean it that way. You went rigid, pulling away from him.
“Sorry for asking a goddamn question,” you muttered, slipping past him and into the living room.
“Wait, Y/N, I’ll change it. I’m sorry,” he pulled your arm, dragging you back into the kitchen. A small smile played at his lips, which you couldn’t help but return.
“I think you might like this song, can I play it?” he asked, not waiting for an answer before scrolling to find it on his phone.
Got a girl from the south side, got braids in her hair
First time I seen her walk by, man I ‘bout fell off my chair
Daveed serenaded you with the music, grabbing your arms and making you dance with him.
Had to get her number, it took me like six weeks
Now me and her go way back like Cadillac seats
He spun you to him and wrapped his arms around you, swaying back and forth along with the music.
Body like a back road, drivin’ with my eyes closed
I know every curve like the back of my hand
Doin’ 15 in a 30, I ain’t in no hurry
I’mma take it slow just as fast as I can
You laughed, watching Daveed get so into the song. Watching with adoration in your eyes, you pulled out your phone and recorded a video on snapchat.
“Y/N, delete thaaaat,” he dragged out the last word. You shook your head.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” you smiled, watching him pout and roll his eyes before pulling you into a kiss.
Five - Simultaneous cancellations
Y/BF/N: Sorry, I got called into work and I can’t make it to dinner tonight! So sorry, raincheck? xo
“Ugh, Y/BF/N cancelled. Again,” you sighed, rolling your eyes.
“I just want us to be able to go out with friends once in awhile, but she always cancels,” you crossed your arms, getting pissed that once again, she did this.
“It’s fine, we can just go out. I’ll call Oak and let him know we’re rescheduling,” he replied, kissing your cheek, before going to call Oak.
You finished getting ready, in a slightly better mood than before. Once you and Daveed were both ready, you got in his car and headed to a random restaurant across town.
You enjoyed spending time with just the two of you, however you were still irked that your best friend would just cancel on you again.
Suddenly, Daveed’s phone rang, bringing you out of your thoughts.
“I’m sorry babe, I’ve gotta take this,” he said, squeezing your hand before excusing himself from the table. You absentmindedly played with your food, waiting for him to return. After a few minutes, he rushed back inside.
“Hey, I’m so sorry, but something came up with the recordings, you know how they had to be submitted by last Friday, right?” You nodded.
“Well one of the tracks is missing. Just, like, up and disappeared. So we need to go back in and record it now if we want it to be on the album,” he continued, pulling on his jacket.
“I’m getting a ride from the guys, they’re on their way now. You good to meet me at home later?” he asked, glancing up from his wallet where he was pulling out two twenties to pay for dinner.
“Yeah, go get that taken care of,” you smiled, letting him know it was okay.
“Okay, great. I’ll see you later,” he kissed you once, forcefully, yet passionately, before running out the door.
“I love you!” you called after him, but he was already out the door.
Six - Newfound defensiveness and secretiveness
“Hey babe, how was work today?” you asked your boyfriend as he entered the living room, only to find you sprawled out across the couch.
“Fine,” he replied curtly. You squinted your eyes slightly and cocked your head, not sure why the short reply. You shrugged it off, figuring it was nothing major.
“That’s it? Just fine? Normally you can go on and on about your day, Will did this, John did-”
“Okay? And that’s every other day. Today it was just fine. Anything wrong with that?” he snapped, his jaw tensed and his shoulders back.
“No, just asking,” you went back to watching Supernatural, wondering why he was being so defensive all of a sudden. You heard a sigh from behind you, before a pair of hands rested on your shoulders. Daveed started rubbing them, and you let your head roll back.
“I’m sorry, it’s just a little more than I thought it would be. Nothing too bad though,” he replied, but you still felt that sense of cold.
You sighed, getting a little fed up.
“You good?” wondered Daveed out loud, noticing your tense position.
“Mhm,” you nodded, although it wasn’t too convincing. He raised an eyebrow.
“What’s on your mind? There’s gotta be something,” he pushed, sitting up a little straighter.
“What has gotten into you lately? You’ve been… different. Weird. I don’t know,” you sighed, running a hand through your hair.
“I’ve been busy with work. You already know this,” he grumbled. You could practically feel the tension in the air surrounding the two of you.
“No, I don’t. What’s got you so much busier than usual? Your last album didn’t require this much overtime, so what’s going on? The staying out later, always being on your phone, leaving when we’re spending time together… What’s more important than to you than our relationship?” your voice cracked at the end, tears welling up in your eyes. Daveed’s face faltered, and you could see the hurt evident in his big brown eyes.
That hurt was quickly replaced with rage.
“Since when do you feel the need to know my every move? What’s next? A tracker in my phone? Huh?” he stood up, waving his hands around as he yelled.
“Maybe if you just told me and didn’t lie I wouldn’t be asking questions!”
“Well maybe I can have my own life without someone knowing every single thing,” he spat, turning around and walking out of the room. You shook your head, tears falling freely down your face.
“Fuck you!” you yelled after him.
When you got no response, you sank to the ground, pulling your knees to your chest.
Why?
Seven - Anxious when together
“I’m just saying, they should have a drive thru at movie theaters so you can just go buy the popcorn,” you laughed, arguing about random nonsense with Daveed on your way home from the mall.
“Okay, whatever you say,” he rolled his eyes playfully, earning a soft punch in the arm from you.
“So what are we doing now?” you asked, glancing out towards the horizon where the sun was setting.
“Oh, uh, I don’t know. Whatever you wanna do,” he shrugged.
“Okay… How about we just go walk along the beach? We haven’t done that in so long,” you suggested, only to get a shrug and a slight nod in response.
“Or not,” you added after being replied with silence. Daveed shook his left leg at a constant pace, waiting for the light to turn green. You turned to the side to look at him, studying his beautiful face for a few moments.
He seemed more tired than he usually did, his eyes not as bright with bags underneath. He was holding your hand, but it almost seemed like he wasn’t really holding it, just letting it lay there.
“Babe? Are you okay?” you pulled him out of his thoughts after the light had been green for a few seconds. He snapped out of it, looking around before proceeding through the intersection. He nodded in response to your question.
“Yeah, I’m just worried about the album. What if the fans don’t like it? What if it totally fails?” he worried, pulling his hand away from yours to run it through his hair. You put your hand on his leg, rubbing it comfortingly, only to have him tense up underneath your touch. You slowly pulled your hand away.
“They’ll love it, they always do. You sure that’s it?” you questioned once more, and he gulped and nodded, almost too quickly. You didn’t say anything else, just stared out at the road, waiting for him to say something.
He didn’t say anything that night until before you went to bed. He muttered goodnight, trudging up the stairs and into your bedroom, leaving you alone on the couch in the living room.
Eight - Encouraging spending time with others
“So because I have to go to another meeting today, I was thinking maybe you could go out for a girls’ day with Pippa and Jasmine. You’re always talking about how much you miss them, so you should go have fun,” Daveed rambled on, the sun shining brightly through the windows on a Saturday morning. You snorted, holding back a laugh.
“Since when do you suggest girls’ days?” you asked, chuckling to yourself.
“Since I think you deserve to have fun. You can spend time with people other than me ya know,” he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
“I’m aware. I’m just curious as to why you feel this way all of a sudden,” you wondered.
“Because I have a meeting, and it’s not good for you to spend all this time inside. Get outside! Go have fun, please. You deserve to be happy,” he made sure he had everything before grabbing the car keys and opening the door.
“Okay, okay. I guess I’ll go,” you laughed, a sound that was music to Daveed’s ears. He smiled at you before shutting the door and leaving you to go about your day.
Nine - Emotional distancing
Soft sobs echoed their way through your apartment, meeting your ears as you entered the room.
“D? Babe? What’s wrong?” you called, setting your things down and racing off to find him. You searched everywhere, the living room, kitchen, bedroom, when finally you opened the bathroom door to find Daveed with his hands resting on the counter, his head lowered. Tears were running off of his face, and it was very evident that something was wrong.
“Babe, what’s wrong? You know you can tell me,” you repeated, pulling him into a hug. He pushed you away, eyes glancing in your direction as you stumbled back.
“Wh-what, is everything okay?” you composed yourself, trying to keep it together for Daveed’s sake.
“Yes. Please leave,” he told you, his voice rough from crying.
“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong,” you countered, crossing your arms since he wouldn’t let you comfort him.
“Leave. Now,” he said through gritted teeth. You did as you were told, figuring he just needed some space before explaining the situation to you.
But as the days, soon weeks, passed, you began to grow nervous. He was still shutting you out, offering no explanation as to what had happened.
You were hanging out with Jasmine at her and Anthony’s apartment one day, gossiping and laughing, just like it used to be.
“So how are you and Daveed?” asked Jasmine.
“No kids anytime soon, right? I don’t really wanna have to babysit,” Anthony added, wrinkling his nose. You rolled your eyes at the childish gesture before turning back to Jasmine.
“Actually, he’s been a little distant lately. He won’t tell me what’s going on,” you leaned back against the couch, stirring your drink with the little straw inside.
“Well you know everything that’s going on with his mom, right?” she asked, your eyes widening.
“No? What? Why wouldn’t he tell me? What’s going on?” you bombarded her with questions, standing up and pacing around the room, one of Daveed’s little quirks that you had picked up on over the years.
“Y/N, his mom’s sick. They don’t know what caused it, but she’s been in the hospital for over a month,” Anthony said, pulling you into a hug along with Jasmine. You let your tears out, clutching onto Anthony’s shirt like you would never touch anything again.
“Why wouldn’t he tell me?” you sobbed, thinking about all of the wonderful times you had with her. You two got along extremely well, having the same views on many different political topics as well as on everyday things. You had spend many holidays helping her cook, clean, and making sure everything was perfect.
“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him again? Don’t bring it up directly, just make sure everything is okay,” Jasmine said, rubbing your back. Anthony nodded in agreement, and you pulled them both into a tight hug, muttering thank yous to both of them.
“Everything’s still okay, right?” you asked Daveed later that night, sitting next to him in bed. He nodded, pulling you into his arms.
“That’s good, how’s your mom doing?” As soon as the words left your lips, Daveed tensed up.
“Who told you?” he stammered, narrowing his eyes.
“Jasmine and Anthony. Although, if you didn’t keep secrets from me, I wouldn’t have had to find out from them or bring it up like this to you,” you ranted, keeping your voice level as to not turn this into a full-blown argument.
“Did you ever think that maybe I can deal with my own problems? I don’t need to burden other people with them, like some people do. Like you,” he scoffed, getting up to walk downstairs.
“Oh, I burden other people? If anything, you’re burdening me with the worry of never knowing what’s going on, or if you’re okay, or if you need anything,” you spat, standing up as well.
“I’m sick of this. I’m sick of you,” he pointed his finger, letting it hit your chest, before grabbing a pillow and walking out of the room.
“Where are you going?” you called after him, walking to the edge of the door.
“I’m sleeping downstairs, I don’t need to be questioned for every move I make,” he remarked, before walking away.
You were left standing in the doorway, not knowing what to think or do, you slowly made your way back to the bed, where you laid down on your back and stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out where everything went wrong.
Ten - Stops doing special things
Your hips grinded against Daveed’s, a moan escaping his lips. You took this opportunity to slip your tongue in his mouth, fighting for dominance. You eventually let him win, but mainly because he squeezed your ass, causing a squeal to escape your throat, allowing him to take over with his tongue. He pressed wet, open-mouthed kisses across your jawline, down your neck and to your collarbone.
“Daveed,” you whined, wriggling in his grip.
“What babygirl?” he asked, bringing a hand up to your breast and squeezing, causing you to moan his name breathily.
“I-I need you,” you choked out, getting up and wasting no time in pulling him into the bedroom. As soon as the door was shut behind you, you quickly pulled off your shirt before attaching your lips to his, your hands roaming down his back and across his toned chest and stomach.
Moving your mouths in sync, you both managed to get over to the bed, Daveed lying down first, with you straddling his hips. You didn’t let your lips part at all, with the exception of the short gasps of breath you both desperately needed. You allowed your hands to roam his body, from his abs, to his abundance of curls, to his hips. As his hands roamed around you, his fingertips felt like they left fire across your skin, sending sparks flying with every touch. You fumbled with his belt buckle, pulling it open before pulling his jeans down to his ankles, where he kicked them off. He did the same with your shorts, wasting no time bringing a hand inside your underwear.
“Daveed,” your breath hitched in your throat when he slipped a finger inside of you, toying with you ever so slowly.
“Hm? What was that?” he questioned, his cocky demeanor taking over.
“Please fuck me, like right now,” you practically begged him, but he only stopped. He pulled his pants back on, mumbling things under his breath to himself.
“Wha-what was that?” you stuttered, slightly shocked that he just stopped. Normally he was all into this kind of stuff, so why was tonight any different?
“I just, I, uh, I���m not in the mood,” he said sheepishly, but you could see right through it.
“Bullshit, Daveed,” you accused, gathering your clothes and slipping them on as you walked out of the room.
“What? What’s so wrong with that?” he asked, getting defensive.
“What’s wrong is the fact that you’re lying to me, and I can see right through it,” you spat, yanking the door open and slamming it in his face, leaving him dumbfounded right in your entryway.
Eleven - Doesn’t answer certain phone calls
Things had been going smoothly with Daveed for the most part. Sure, you’d had your fair share of fights over the past few months, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.
You both were finally off together for once, and you decided to take advantage of it and get dressed up and go out to dinner and a movie. It couldn't be more cliche, but you loved it nonetheless. As you twirled around your room, you and Daveed both getting ready, you sang along with the music blasting from Spotify on his phone. Your music taste varied greatly, from rapping clipping. songs to singing along with Moana.
However, you were in the middle of a verse in Wriggle (which Daveed found insanely attractive when you rapped and moved your hips with the beat) when you were so rudely interrupted by the music stopping and his phone ringing.
He walked over to see who it was, and once he saw the screen his eyes widened and he hurriedly ended the call.
“Who was it babe?” you asked, wrapping your arms around him from behind. He turned around in your embrace, hugging you back.
“No one important. Let's just finish getting ready,” he gave you a smile, his eyes twinkling when he looked at you. You still melted a little when he looked at you like that, but it wasn't something you expected to go away anytime soon.
Not long after, his phone rang again.
“Really? It must be important if they're calling you again. Go on, answer it,” you waved your hand towards his phone that was lying on the bed.
“It's nothing, really. Don't worry about it,” he pecked your lips, continuing to get ready.
“Who was it anyways? I know that if I called someone twice if they didn't answer, it would be for an important reason,” you pressed, not because you were nosy, just because you were generally curious.
“No one. Drop it,” hissed Daveed, defensiveness once again taking over his demeanor.
“I won’t drop it until you tell me who it is,” you argued, crossing your arms and standing in front of him.
“Since when do you need to know my every move? God, every waking moment I spend with you, all you do is cling onto my side like a child! I can’t ever get any space to myself! I might as well introduce you as ‘Hi, I’m Daveed Diggs, and this is my 6 year old daughter, Y/N’” he spat, raising his voice ever so slightly. His words dripped with venom, but it was something you were used to by now.
“I’m childish! Maybe I wouldn’t be like that if you just paid attention to me for once! All of your effort is put into your work. I might as well just be a maid, living here, cleaning up after you, taking care of you. It’s like I work in a goddamn nursing home with a 35 year old man! I do everything for you!” you screamed, letting all hell break loose as the words flew out of your mouth and hit Daveed straight across the face.
As you finished, you were breathing heavily, and Daveed stood on the side of the room with an apologetic look on his face. Tears were threatening to spill over, and you knew he saw that too.
He cautiously stepped towards you, watching your eyes. You shook your head and backed away from him.
“I can’t…” your voice broke, as you slowly stepped back, before turning around and rushing out of the room.
Twelve - Blackouts
Your situation with Daveed hadn’t gotten any better over the course of the past few weeks. You tried, but you couldn’t have a one-sided effort. You were planning on talking to him about it once he got home from work, but he wasn’t back at 4, like he normally was.
You played it off, thinking he was just running behind, finishing up some new verses or recording another part differently.
An hour passed, and you paced around the kitchen, worrying about all of the places he could be. You figured he had just gone out for drinks with the guys and not told you, that’s happened before.
Another 2 hours passed, and still no texts, no phone calls, no physically there Daveed. You were starting to think something bad had happened. What if he got in a car crash? What if he was thinking about the awful things you said to him and he got in an accident? Your pacing became quicker, the glass you were holding in your hand shaking.
You tried to take your mind off of things by watching some sappy movie, but it only made you feel worse about the whole situation. You tried to go to sleep, but you just tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep for more than a few minutes. Finally, at around 3:30am, you got up to get some water. You rubbed your eyes, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a glass.
Once it was filled, you turned around to take a drink only to be met by Daveed standing in the doorway. The glass slipped from your hand and shattered across the floor, but you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. Jumping over the glass, you ran over him and hugged him as tightly as you could. You wrapped your legs around his waist and buried your face in his neck, breathing in his scent.
“I was so worried, I thought something happened, I didn’t know where-” you rambled, only to be cut off.
“I’m sorry, I was out. My phone died,” he stated plainly.
“That’s it? You were out? That’s all I get?” you asked. He shrugged.
“No big deal,” he said, starting over to clean up the pieces of broken glass.
“No big deal? Daveed I thought you were dead in a ditch somewhere,” you croaked, looking at him with sad eyes.
“I’m here now, aren’t I? I’m fine, don’t worry,” he kissed your forehead before continuing.
“I’m going to bed,” you said vaguely, trudging up the stairs.
“G’night,” he called after you, but the door was already shut.
Thirteen
Coming home from work was one of the few things you looked forward to. All you wanted to do was curl up in some sweats and fuzzy socks and watch Gossip Girl while eating ice cream.
Starting up the stairs to your front door, you were surprised to find it already unlocked. Upon opening it, you didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, meaning Daveed must already be home. This didn’t happen often, he had been working later a lot of the time lately.
“Daveed?” you called out into the house.
“Coming,” he called back, stumbling down the stairs in a pair of sweats and no shirt. You raised an eyebrow at him, prompting him to look down at himself.
“Oh, uh, surprise?” he said, but it came out more like a question.
“I’m sorry, I’m not really in the mood,” you sighed, heading towards the stairs.
“Wait!” Daveed grabbed your arm and pulled you back, taking you by surprise.
“What? Need help with something?” you chuckled, glancing down.
“What? God, no, how about we stay down here for a little bit?” he said, giving you one of his mile-wide grins.
“We can right after I change out of these clothes,” you said, wiggling out of Daveed’s grip and starting towards the stairs. You noticed a burgundy scarf lying on the bottom step. Picking it up, you turned to Daveed.
“What’s this?” you asked, knowing you didn’t own anything like it.
“It’s, uh, it’s a little gift to say I’m sorry,” he quickly thought, although you didn’t buy it.
“Then why does it smell like floral perfume? You know I don’t wear that,” you countered, taking a step towards him. He seemed to shrink back, shuffling backwards.
“I, uh, it was my mom’s! Yeah,” his voice turned up and the end, raising more suspicion.
“Oh, okay, well I’m just gonna go change…” you trailed off, shaking off the weird feeling and jumping the steps two at a time.
“Y/N wait,” he called after you again, but it was too late.
All it took was 3 seconds.
One to turn around.
One to open the door.
And one more to be met with a girl lying in your shared bed.
Not just any girl either, but your best friend.
You felt the tears drip down your face and onto your shirt before you even noticed you were crying. Briskly wiping the tears away, you whipped around to face Daveed.
“You,” the word broke you, it all becoming too real.
There was always a nagging thought in the back of your head that he would find someone better. Someone skinnier, someone smarter, someone prettier. He always pushed that off with a ‘I love you and only you, I always will’.
You never thought that the person he replaced you with would be your best friend.
It felt as if there was a ton of bricks dropped on your chest, like you were underwater trying so desperately to reach the surface only to have the air slip farther and farther away.
You were shaking, your lungs feeling like they were on fire. You sharply took in a breath, shaking your head at Daveed.
“I give you everything. I do everything for you, and this is what I get in return?” you ask helplessly.
“Look, Y/N, I know you’re upset but-”
“But what? What could you possibly have to say?”
“I still love you,” he croaked, his voice breaking.
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have broken me,” you countered, shaking your head.
You stumbled backwards towards the door, rushing to get outside as fast as you could. You still couldn’t breathe, tears blurring your vision. You slammed the door, sliding down the front side of it until you were sitting, head in your hands, shaking and sobbing. He broke you.
Three years managed to get thrown away in three seconds, all because of thirteen reasons.
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buckysglow · 8 years ago
Text
Captive
Chapter Ten→ “Beauty and the Beast”
SUMMARY: You were held captive by Hydra for years and had only just escaped when the Avengers find you. You’re beyond terrified of everyone and everything around you, but the thing the terrifies you the most is yourself. The things you can do with your “abilities” are beyond what anyone could possibly imagine.
Chapters: 1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ~ 4 ~ 5 ~ 6 ~ 7 ~ 8 ~ 9a ~ 9b 
Word Count: 2774 Warnings: Mentions of abuse, angst. 
A/N: I’m gonna try this out without the tags because I feel like they look a lil’ sloppy, but I’ll be doing them on select fics! 
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The day went by slowly after that, Bucky had locked himself away in his room, and you wanted nothing more than to go to him and apologize. You didn’t mean for him to take what you said literally. The Tower was your home, the people in it were your friends, and they loved you whether you believed it or not. And you loved them more than you could express with words or actions.
They saved you, from yourself, from Hydra, from your mother…
How could you have been so inconsiderate? So childish?
You bit down harshly on your bottom lip, Bucky’s words ringing in your ears like gunshots. You never meant to hurt him. The look on his face was crushing, and you hadn’t even realized what you said until he called you out on it. What was wrong with you?
Tears pooled in your eyes as your heart raced uncontrollably in your chest. You inhaled sharply as the lights flickered over your head. Fear shot up your spine at the thought of you losing control.
Wanda’s voice suddenly broke the silence that taunted you, “There’s a war going on behind your eyelids.”
You pulled your hand away from your chest quickly, swallowing down the panic that settled in your throat. You couldn’t respond.
“What’s the matter? Where is Bucky?” She asked, and the mere mention of his name had your hair standing on end. The lights flickered again, “I think you need to take a deep breath. Do you wanna go for a walk?”
You scoffed at this, “A walk? Where? I can’t leave the Tower.”
She approached you slowly, holding out her hand for you to take. When you hesitated, she sighed through her nose, “No one is keeping you here, (Y/N).”
Those words struck you deep in your bones.
“I can leave.” You breathed out, disbelief in your tone.
“If you wish to leave, we can’t stop you.” She looked sad when she said this, but you couldn’t fully understand why.
“Where should we go?” You asked, sounding a little less sad.
“Anywhere you want.”
That was all it took for you to take her hand. You could leave whenever you wanted and you could go wherever you wanted. You had choices. And you haven’t had those in a long time, maybe even ever.
She helped you find a jacket and gloves to wear, telling you that it was cold outside, but the streets of New York looked beautiful right now. And they were. The air was cold and the wind stung your face, but the delight you felt when your feet hit the pavement made everything else feel minuscule.
The snow underfoot was sloshy and brown, but it was snow! And there was snow falling from the sky! The trees that lined the streets were twinkling with lights and the scent of chestnuts and cinnamon surrounded you as you walked passed street vendors. Wanda was holding your hand tightly, smiling down at her shoes every time she heard an excited gasp leave your lips.
“It’s beautiful here!” You whispered to her, your shoulder nudging hers.
“I thought so too when I first arrived here,” She grinned, “Do you wanna get some coffee? There’s a coffee place right across the street.”
You nodded rapidly, already pulling her toward the curb. Taxis and garbage trucks zoomed past in a blur, their horns going off every other second, but they didn’t seem to faze you, and Wanda took that as a good sign. The two of you shot across the street, squealing as people beeped their horns and yelled at you, but your laughter drowned them out.
“People are supposed to be nicer during Christmas!” You laughed as you pulled the door open, the scent of coffee overwhelming you.
“Not New York drivers!” Wanda replied.
The cafe was empty, and you both ordered your drinks. You got a hot chocolate while she got a regular coffee.
Secretly, and much to your disappointment, you felt a little drained. Maybe it was the walk over here or all the excitement, but your body ached to sit and rest. Wanda peeked into your thoughts every once in awhile to check on you and took note of this.
“I would say yes to staying, but I think we should take our drinks to go,” Wanda smiled, and you were too tired to suspect her of anything.
You nodded in agreement, holding the steaming cup in your hands. The excitement was still lingering. You were grinning widely as you walked back, and you couldn’t wait to tell Bucky about your adventure, even if it was small. But your smile fell as you thought about how badly he must have felt because of you. He didn’t want to talk to you, not right now, maybe not ever again.
“Hey,” Wanda nudged you, “Bucky would love to hear about our walk.”
You shook your head gently, and she couldn’t help but think you looked like an upset child, “He’s mad at me right now.”
“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. This was a big step for you!” She smiled, pulling you into her side, her fingers poked at your waist to make you giggle, “Come on, don’t let him ruin our fun! I just got you smiling!”
You giggled again and nodded, “You’re right. I did have fun.”
The elevator doors opened for the two of you to enter and Wanda was quick to hit her floor number. You let out a long breath, feeling like the elevator was sucking some of the happy out of you.
“I’m tired, I think I’m gonna go back to my room,” You told her just as the elevator doors opened to her floor, “Thank you for taking me outside and making me laugh, Wanda.”
She squeezed your hand, “Anytime, (Y/N). Goodnight.”
“Night!” You waved.
The ride up to your room felt like an eternity and all the while you couldn't stop thinking about how Bucky was the floor right under yours. You toed at the marble floor of the elevator, chewing your lip nervously. Was he still angry at you? What were you supposed to do to make it up to him?
When your mother was mad at you, she would force you to play the piano for hours on end.
When Hydra agents or doctors were mad at you, they would-
You shook your head to rid yourself of the violent memories.
You decided to just leave Bucky alone for a while, a nagging voice whispering that he never wanted to speak to you again weighed heavily on your brain, but you did your best to brush it away. Wanda’s advice was still sticking with you and so was a little bit of the excitement from being on the streets of New York.
You walked slowly to your room, chewing on your bottom lip. Bucky’s energy was dim, telling you he was either asleep or relaxing. Your hand pressed against your door, your mind telling you to just go inside and leave him be, but your body missed him. It missed the way he calmed your nerves and the way he made you feel safe. It missed the way his hands felt when they held yours or when he was moving a piece of hair behind your ear. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, but it remained.
You sighed heavily and bumped the door with your forehead before pushing it open. Your body slumped slightly, before winding itself up. You placed your hot chocolate down beside your bed, suddenly losing the taste you had for it. With a heavy sigh, you got ready for bed, brushing your teeth and washing your face. Your fingers traced over the material of one of Bucky’s sweatshirts, your heart picking up its pace when you brought it to your face. It didn't smell very much like him anymore, it smelled more like you, but you pulled it over your head and slipped out of your jeans.
You settled into your bed, the sheets feeling oddly cold and empty. The TV blared in the background and you tried to watch the group of women argue about someone having a drug addiction, but you couldn't focus. Your skin felt itchy and your chest felt tight.
Bucky was angry at you and your body was angry at you for making him feel that way. You sighed, turning the TV off angrily as you tried to lay comfortably beneath the sheets. It took you all of four minutes to realize you weren't sleeping at all, and then you found yourself pacing your room, biting your thumb harshly at the thought of Bucky not wanting to see you.
“What's the worst that could happen?” You mumbled to yourself, rubbing at your forehead nervously.
He would never hurt you.
But that worm of doubt slithered its way into your head.
“He would never physically hurt you.” You mumbled, correcting yourself.
But that worm wiggled all the more violently.
“He wouldn't.” You growled, pushing away memories of hands, manicured like your mother’s and gloved like Hydra agents’, striking you down.
You plopped down on your bed again, cradling your head in your hands. This was not how you pictured your life when you were a little girl. When you were little, you dreamed of things any normal girl would dream of, like getting married, owning a house, traveling, having a family of your own. But here you were, feeling nothing but disdain for yourself, wanting nothing more than to just be normal and have normal things, like a life, or friends, or maybe even a freakin’ dog.
But… Bucky wanted the same things you did. Bucky was the one that told you that being normal didn't matter. Bucky was the one that said he was always going to be there to “help you through your shit.” He was always going to be one step behind you, whether it be as a friend or something more.
You made your decision. In that instant, you shot off your bed. Your bare feet slapped against your rug, then the floor of the hallway, and soon after finding their way to the marble floor of the elevator again.
The inside of your cheek was bleeding from being chewed so much and your chest heaved with excitement and nerves, but you weren't afraid because Bucky wasn’t a liar. Bucky was always gonna be there for you, like it or not. He told you himself, made you feel it with the way he treated you and smiled at you and cared for you.
You jogged lightly down the hallway, heart in your throat, and to his door. He was still laying in the same position as before, unmoving except for the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He was sleeping, maybe you should just leave.
You turned around, playing with the ring on your finger that you borrowed from Wanda.
You stopped suddenly, puffing your cheeks up with air, thinking, “No, I can't go to sleep like this.”
You turned around again, hand now hovering over the door, ready to knock.
You stopped, silently cursing yourself out. What would you say to him? “Hi.” ??? You huffed.
“No,” you shook your head, “no, don't plan it. Just say what you feel. Say what you were thinking upstairs.”
You sighed loudly, and without another thought, you were knocking on his door, heart hammering in your chest. You twisted nervously at the ring on your finger, squeezing your eyes shut when you didn't hear him moving. You didn't feel him move either, his energy still low.
You twisted on your heel, shaking your head and whispering, “Stupid. He's sleeping.”
But suddenly, he was making his way toward the door, energy glowing brighter by the second. You froze, twisting the ring more now. You swallowed audibly when he drew the door open and stared at you, waiting for you to say something.
So you said the first thing that came to mind, “I-I miss you when you're not around me.”
Your voice shook with nerves and you cleared your throat when he didn't say anything, but he leaned some of his weight on the door, which you took as his way of silently telling you he was listening.
You continued, mostly because you felt like rambling would help, “I like when you sleep in my room because y-you tend-d to calm me down,” you peeked up at him through your lashes, but he remained quiet. You licked your lips, mouth feeling dry, “A-and you always make it feel like I have a place in the world like I belong. Maybe I don't belong with normal people, but you don't either, and you make me feel like that's okay… you just make me feel like I'm normal in my own way, in your own way, i-if that makes sense…”
Why wasn't he stopping you? You weren't making any sense at all.
Your bit bottom lip harshly, “I couldn't sleep, n-n-not while knowing I hurt your feelings by saying something I didn't mean. W-what I'm trying to say is - see, it’s like - I'm trying to say that I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was thinking about my life before Hydra and I realized that I wasn't home when I lived in Greenport. I lived there, but I never felt accepted or loved the way I feel accepted and loved here. I- you… you make me feel accepted and loved. And I’m sorry if I made you doubt that.” You blew out a long breath when you were done, but it still felt like you had more to say. Like there was something you couldn't quite express, and when you looked up to see if he was still listening to you, and found him staring intently at your small form, you swallowed down your nerves and pushed yourself onto your toes. Your arms wrapped around his neck and you pulled your bodies closer. Your feet stepped on his so you could fit your head in the crook of his neck, and ever so gently, you let your lips graze his collarbone and shoulder.
He was tense in your arms, making your heart beat faster. This was a mistake. He doesn't care for you as much as you do for him, but just before you could pull away, his arms wound around your waist and clutched you tightly to him. He was breathing you in deeply, nose pressed against your shoulder. His eyes stung with tears more than he cared to admit, and he was thankful you couldn't see them.
When he felt your soft lips on his skin, he nearly shuddered, nearly broke down right there in your arms.
It was a step. Your whole speech was a step in the right direction. You were seeing things, seeing yourself the way he saw you.
“I'm sorry.” You whispered to him.
“I’m sorry, too.” He shook his head, lips pressing firmly against your shoulder and the side of your neck.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Bucky,” You breathed, feeling the stress drain from your body.
“I wasn’t there for you the way you needed me to be.”
You pulled away from him quickly, cupping his face in your small hands, “You don’t have to be there for me every minute of every day, just knowing that I could talk to you is enough.”
He pulled you in again, lifting you up off your feet, it was then that he noticed that you were wearing his shirt. His hand smoothed the material, traveling from the base of your neck to the small of your back, pressing you tight against him. He heard your sigh of relief and felt it in his own body. The comfort you both sought from one another couldn’t be healthy, could it?
“Bucky,” You whispered tiredly.
He hummed back a response.
“I’m hardwired to expect everyone to hurt me, and I know it’s bad that I’ve had my doubts about you, but I don’t think I’ll have them anymore.” You admitted in such a small, quiet voice it made Bucky tremble.
“I would never hurt you. Ever.” His voice cracked.
He viewed himself as a monster, someone who could kill without a thought, someone who has destroyed so many lives in the past. But then you came along and it was almost like you tamed him, tamed the beast that lived inside him. You showed him the beauty of the world.
As cheesy as it may sound, he was the beast and you were his beauty.
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