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therealvinelle · 3 years ago

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I've always wondered this, but what do you think the Cullen's political viewpoints would be, given their individual backgrounds? if vampires don't change after they turn, then surely they would all be extremely racist (especially Jasper). would this not come up at some point? they aren't like the Volturi because the Volturi are too old to care, but the Cullens are young enough that they have been brought up with opinions on stuff like sexism, racism, homophobia and the like.

Oh fuck.

You get an early answer because otherwise I'll just chicken out and delete this one, pretend I never saw it.

UMMM.

Since I'm guessing you meant American political viewpoints, we need a disclaimer. I am not American, and not too knowledgeable about your politics. Not just in the sense that I don't follow the day-to-day drama, but as I am not an American citizen there are several things I don't know, can't know because I've never lived in your country and therefore can't know what the effects of living in a country ruled by American policies is like. What I do know is based off of the news in the foreign section, social media (by which I mean tumblr posts), and Trevor Noah's Daily Show.

I am an outsider looking in.

Which is really rather appropriate, since the Cullens are too.

The Cullens go to high school and college, Carlisle works, they pay taxes, they own real estate, and submerge themselves in American culture. Esme, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, and Bella are young enough that this is in many ways their world, and apart from timeouts they've more or less spent their entire lives, human and vampire, integrated into American society.

Not fully integrated, mind you, they do what they need to to fit in and get to school or, in Carlisle’s case, to work. They go no further. No extra-curriculars for the kids, no book clubs for Esme, no game nights for Carlisle. They walk parallel to humans, not among us.

In addition to this they're obscenely rich, which puts them another thousand miles from the experiences of your average American. They won't deal with the health system, which means healthcare is a non-issue, they're not going to need welfare or other social programs, unemployment is another non-issue. Name your issue, and the Cullens don't have personal stake in it. Even the climate crisis won't be a problem for them the way it will for us.

What I'm trying to say is, American political issues are a concept to them, not a lived reality. Just like they are for me. So hey, you made a great choice of blog to ask.

I'll also add here that you say the Volturi are too old to care, and I agree- from an ancient's point of view, racism is a matter of "which ethnicity are we hating today?", and it all looks rather arbitrary after a while. Same with every other issue - after a while it all just blends together into "what are the humans fighting over today? Which Christian denomination is the correct one? Huh. Good for them, I guess."

I can't put it any better than this post did, really. The Volturi are real people, humans are nerds and tumblr having Loki discourse. Aro thinks it's delightful and knows entirely too much about Watergate (and let's be real, Loki discourse as well), but the point I wanted to get at is that politics really don't matter to vampires.

And I don't think they matter to the Cullens either.

So, moving on to the next point while regretting I didn't put headlines in this post, I'll just state that I don't think vampires' minds are frozen. Their brains are unable to develop further, and they can never forget anything, but... well, this isn't the post for that, but in order for this to be true of vampires they would barely be sentient. They would not be able to process new impressions, to learn new things, nor to have an independent thought process. Yes, we see vampires in-universe (namely, Edward, who romanticizes himself and vampires) believe they're frozen and can never change, but there is no indication that this is a widespread belief, or even true. Quite the contrary - Carlisle went from a preacher's son who wanted to burn all the demons to living in Demon Capital for decades and then becoming a doctor and making a whole family of demons. Clearly, the guy has had a change in attitude over the years. Jasper, in his years as a newborn army general, slowly grew disenchanted with his life and developed depression. James initially meant to kill Victoria and hunted her across the earth, then became fascinated and changed his mind about it.

Had these people been incapable of change, Carlisle would still be hating demons, Jasper would be in Maria's army, and James would still be hunting Victoria.

It goes to follow, then, that they are able to adapt to new things.

The question is, would they?

Here I finally answer your question.

So, we have these people who don't really have any kind of stake in politics, who keep up to date all the same (or are forcibly kept up to date because high school) and are generally opinionated people.

Where do they then fall, politically?

(And this is where you might want to stop reading, anon, because I'm about to eviscerate these people.)

Alice votes for whoever's gonna win. She also makes a fortune off of betting each election. Trump's 1 to 10 victory in 2016 was a great day to be Alice. MAGA!

The actual policies involved are completely irrelevant, she does this because it's fun. Election means she gets to throw parties. Color coded parties for the Republican and Democratic primaries, and US-themed parties for Election Night! (Foreigner moment right here: I at first wrote "Election wake" before realizing that's not what y'all murricans call it.)

Alice loves politics. Doesn't know the issues, but she sure loves politics.

Bella votes Democrat. She actually knows about the issues, and cares about them. This girl is a Democrat through and through.

Carlisle doesn't vote. I can't imagine it feels right. Outside of faked papers he's not a US citizen, this is meddling in human affairs that he knows don't concern him.

More, this guy has never lived in a democracy.

In life, Carlisle lived under an absolute monarchy that, upon civil war, became an absolute theocracy. From there he learned that vampires live under a total dictatorship.

For the first 150 years of his life, democracy was that funky thing the Athenians did in history books thousands of years ago, no more relevant to him than the Ancient Egyptian monarchy is to me. Then the Americans, and later other European countries started doing this.

Good for them.

There's this mistake often made by those who view history from a... for lack of a better term, a solipsistic standpoint. A belief that the present day is the culmination of all of history. “My society is the best society, the most reasonable society; all the others had it backwards. Thank god we’re living in this enlightened age!”

The faith in our current system of government is one such belief. We (pardon me if this doesn’t apply to everybody reading this post) have grown up in democracies, being told this is the ultimate form of rule, and perhaps that is true - but remember the kings who have told their subjects they had were divine and the best possible ruler based on that. Remember also that most modern democracies haven’t actually been democracies for very long at all, America is the longest standing at some 230 years (not long at all in the grand scope of things) and they have a fracturing two-party system to show for it.

Every society, ever, has been told they’re the greatest, and their system of government the most just. Democracy is only the latest hit.

This is relevant to Carlisle because he’s immortal and decidedly not modern. Democracy has not been installed in him the way it was the rest of the Cullens, Jasper included. To him- well, it’s just not his world. He has no stakes in our human politics, and as he is older than every current democracy and has seen quite a few of them fall, he’s not going to internalize the democratic form of rule the way a modern human has.

I think the concept of voting is foreign to him.

It requires a level of participation in human society that he’s simply not at. He does the bare minimum to appear human so he do the work he loves, but nothing more, and I find that telling.

As it is I think he'd be iffy about his family doing it. He won’t stop them, but in voting they’re... well it’s kind of cheating. They’re not really citizens, none of this will affect them, and by voting they’re drowning out the votes of real human voters. He does not approve.

Edward votes Democrat. He's... well he’s the kind of guy who will oil a girl’s bedroom window so he can more easily watch her sleep without being discovered, justifying it to himself as being okay because if she were to tell him to get lost he’d stop immediately. Same guy is so sure that he’d leave and never return again if she wanted him to, except this is the man who returned to Forks to hang around his singer, knowing there was a significant chance he might kill her. To say nothing of his Madonna/Whore complex, or of the fact that he tried to pimp out his wife twice, and was willing to forcibly abort her child.

This guy is very much in love with chivalry, with being an enlightened and feminist man who supports and respects women, while not understanding the entire point of feminism, which is female liberation.

He votes Democrat because he’s such an enlightened feminist who cares about women’s rights.

Emmett doesn’t care to vote, but if he has to he votes Republican. The guy is from the 1930′s, and has major would-be-the-uncle-who-cracks-racist-jokes-if-he-was-older vibes.

Esme doesn’t vote, that would require getting out of the house.

More, I just... can’t see it. I can’t see her being one to read up on politics and The Issues, period, but if she has to then I doubt she’d be able to decide.

Jasper doesn’t vote. Alice can have her fun, he does not care.

There’s also the whole can of worms regarding the last time he went to bat for American politics.

I imagine he stays out of this.

Renesmée doesn't vote. She has no stock in the human affairs. Who would she vote for, on what grounds? When Bella tries to pull her to the urns, she points out that she's three years old.

Rosalie, guys, I’m sorry, but that girl is definitely gonna vote Republican. Perhaps not right now as it’s become the Trump party of insanity, but the Mitt Romney type of Republicans? Oh yes.

And for the record, yes I imagine she does vote. To step back from politics would be another way she was relinquishing her humanity, and that’s not allowed to happen. So, yes, she goes to the urns, less for the sake of the politics involved and more because like this, she’s still a part of society in some way.

Now, onto why I think she’s Republican, I think it’s both fiscal and social.

This girl was the daughter of a banker who somehow profited off of the Depression, and who then became part of a family with no material needs that would soon become billionaires thanks to Alice. Poverty to Rosalie is a non-issue, as it is I imagine she views it as a much lesser issue than what she’s had to deal with. The humans can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, Rosalie’s infertility is forever.

Rosalie’s empathy is strongest when she’s able to project onto others, and she won’t be able to project onto the less fortunate at all.

Then there’s the fact that the Republican party is all about traditional family values, and pro-life.

Rosalie, a woman from the 1930′s who idolizes her human life and who‘d love nothing more than to get to live out this fantasy, is down for that. And as of Breaking Dawn she’s vocally pro-life, so there’s that.

This all being said I don’t think Rosalie cares to sit down and fully understand these politics she’s voting for, the possible impact they’ll have- that’s not important. What’s important is what voting does for her.

TL;DR: I bet anon regrets asking.

#long post #twilight #twilight vampires #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #politics #history #twilight history #carlisle cullen #alice cullen #bella swan #renesmée cullen #jasper hale #rosalie hale #emmett cullen

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romillys · 4 years ago

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hi everyone! so glad this is back!

romilly ‘mila’ van der woodsen was spotted in the fashion district adorning the jimmy choo thyra 100 jewel-embellished suede heeled sandals , with some airpod pros on . they’re most likely listening to blinding lights - acoustic by victoria voss . you may know them as romillys or as that casimere jollette lookalike . their twenty fourth birthday just passed . while living in the upper east side , they’ve gained a bit of a reputation . they’re known to be defensive but on the other hand hard-working . wonder if they’ll be the next person to hit the headlines . ( cis woman / she/her + elle / 23 / she/her )

* character questionaire .

01. if you have three words to describe yourself , what are they ?

focused, daring, confident.

02 . what is your favourite alcoholic drink ?

it’s definitely wine. i used to only drink white but i’ve become really fond of red. my grandpa gave me a bottle of 1982 latour for my twenty first birthday and that was easily the most impressed i’ve ever been with wine. i’m not going to be basic and say dom perignon.

03 . what is your favourite season and why ?

i’ve always loved winter because of the associations of ballet and the performances of the nutcracker. it’s always help a special place in my heart and i continue to feel the same after all these years. plus, i love the parties and dressing up, feel like i can go more glam with more diamonds and sparkles than in the summer.

04 . what’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done ?

it would have to be when i drunkenly booked a vacation to dubai for myself and a few friends after a wine and movie night. i spent a ridiculous amount but the trip was fun and i can safely say my friends and i still talk about it.

* character biography .

the only grand daughter of olivier van der woodsen, romilly would grow up surrounded by luxury olivier was the founder and controlling shareholder of woodsen enterprises, a company has investments in various industries including auto parts, energy, metals, rail cars, casinos, food packaging, real estate, and home fashion. it was more than enough for him to provide for his son and daughter-in-law and now his grand-daughter. like her parents before her, romilly was born into privileged and lived comfortably in an upper east side penthouse where she was waited on by endless nannies and housekeepers. her father was involved in the family business, hoping to be handed olivier’s shares one day but the other showed no sign of willingly stepping down any time soon; her mother a self-absorbed socialite that had her own ideas of how to dominate society meant that childcare did not land with either of them.

her parents were difficult to communicate with and this lead to many nannies leaving just when romilly had started to become attached. they were the closest thing to love that she had received but as they left constantly she would grow up with a great sense of inadequacy. they weren’t in love and it seemed the both of them only valued their own sucesses, not each others. as she grew up, she would become her grandfather’s favourite and it would leave both her parents with green eyes...

romilly always liked dancing and had a special connection with music. every time she heard it she wanted to move. she was too young to understand it but she had natural musicality. when they realised that it was harder for the help to stay, they pushed her onto olivier with the hope that she’d be a distraction to pressure him into taking a step back. The man, although one of the most powerful people in New York City, did have a soft spot for his granddaughter. he was the one that saw potential in her dancing as a child. he was quick to enroll her when she was six and everything else followed.

from that moment on, she would only look forward to dance and seeing her grandfather. he was the only one who understood her passion and was the one encouraging her at every stage. however, her parents were quick to criticise performances or her facial expressions when performing. no matter how hrd she tried, it wasn’t enough to impress them. she started distancing from them after that, only talking to her grandpa and looking to him when she needed emotional sport.

being accepted into the summer intensive programme for the school of american ballet was a game changer for her. she made good friends and loved breathing dance and being surrounded by people who had the same passion. she attended the same intensive two years running and her place there just felt right. the next year, she was enrolled as a full time student at the school of american ballet and moved into halls. it was a freedom she never had before and felt like it was her very first chance to have a real sense of community and support.

romilly worked extremely hard and was definitely one who focused on her success; that had seeped its way through from her parents. she was one of the lucky ones to become an apprentice at new york city ballet and the staff definitely took note. her skill level had almost been at prodigy level and she always maintained a ‘can-do’ attitute. she wouldn’t simply bend into the background.

this year, she became one of the youngest principal dancers in the company and it was the best day of her life. she had become a successful professional ballerina. she has also assisted with some choreography as her creativity has blossomed over the years. now her parents wanted to be proud of her and they did make an effort to see her, although it felt really strained from their side. they had ulterior motives but she wasn’t sure what.

romilly was hit hardest after the announcement of the death of olivier van der woodsen, her grandpa who she had loved so much. after the loss and added pressure, her personality has somewhat shifted. she’s out a lot more in clubs now, making out with people and deciding to lessen her control over herself. besides, she’s now a billionaire in her own right but can even comprehend how much money she actually has. she is more defensive and snaps at her co-workers a lot more. she’s secretive and does keep most things to herself. she’s embarrassed that she’s involved in family disputes over money that she never asked for and now worried that stories are leaking on the internet about her and have the ability to tarnish her image in the ballet world. she feels like if she doesn’t fix it soon, she’ll be on her way out of the company. still, she doesn’t help herself and continues to party and drink a lot more than she should do which leads to easily avoidable drunken stumbles that hurt her...

* extras .

profile:

Full Name: romilly annabeth van der woodsen

Nickname(s): mila, tiny dancer, ro

Age: twenty four

Date of Birth: december 19, 1996

Hometown: new york city, new york

Current Location: new york city, new york

Ethnicity: white

Nationality: american

Gender: cis woman

Pronouns: she/her

Orientation: bi romantic & bi sexual

Religion: none

Political Affiliation: none

Occupation: principal ballerina at new york city ballet

Living Arrangements: upper east side penthouse previously owned by olivier van der woodsen

Language(s) Spoken: english, french, chinese

Hair Colour: blonde

Eye Colour: blue

Height: 5′4″

Build: slender

Tattoos: none

Piercings: ears

aesthetics

a fully stocked wine cabinet, diamante earrings, chanel pumps, silk crop tops, crystal embellished stilettos, a pile of pointe shoes discarded in the corner of the main room, marble flooring, roof to floor windows, bobby pins gathering at the bottom of her purse, quickly applying glitter eyeshadow with her fingers, a collection of nude palettes and diamante earrings, deleting emails without reading them, golden chandeliers, rejected calls from parents, tops with puffed sleeves, berets, nineties colored purses, twenty hour days and booking trips aborad while under the influence.

#wealthyhq:intro #death tw

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residentraccoon · 3 years ago

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Fave 2021 national finals songs

Since I don't have anything better to do with my life at the moment I decided to ramble about stuff. Okay, here are my thoughts about my fave songs from the national finals of 2021, in no particular order!

Norsk Melodi Grand Prix

• Monument was my absolute favourite and I still can't believe to this day that it didn't win :( Keiino are fking fantastic and they killed the stage (though I kind of preffered the black outfits from the 1st heat over the final ones, they suited the song's athmosphere better). I cried real tears when I saw they lost, for real. Heartbreak 💔

• Hero was such a nice throwback to 80s music style, the staging was also really neat. Would love to see Raylee come back next year in the selection, she has a cool stage presence

• Okay but Vi er Norge was a banger and I'm still listening to this one, a real shame it didn't even qualify nor win the 2nd chance round. As you already knew before, I have a weakness for violins because yes. The performance was so energetic and fun, should have def qualified. Underrated.

• Ut av mørket/Fallen angel was really good too. I wanted it to be kept in norwegian for esc but oh well. The stage show was just a tad messy but memorable.

• I can't escape was something I'd hear from Roxen ngl, the style matches her perfectly, even her cursive singing, everything. Either way I loved this one too, this song feels like a hug.

• Pages was so magical, I'm glad we got another joik song, sadly this didn't qualify 😥

• World on fire was kind of generic but puts me in a good mood everytime I listen to it, it's really catchy.

• Let loose is so g r o o v y and cool, it was my fave from the 1st heat when I got to listen to the songs. I'm lowkey happy it advanced to the final instead of Elevate, I'm sorry but I saw everyone praising that one in youtube comments, I never saw the hype, it was too regular and plain for me.

• Own yourself was so cute and funky, loved how it showed her ethnic background a lil with that disco sound.

• Witch woods...ehhh...While it's funny and unique, I think it's suited more for a witch Disney musical than Eurovision. But I like it anyway.

• Faith Bloody Faith oh yes I needed a rock song in this nf. Relieved it won the 2nd chance. Oh and I just realized, the superfinalists in mgp were literally the ones from the 1st heat. Crazy huh?

• Nordlyset is something I'd listen to near a fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate in hands watching the snow fall in my cottage located in a forest far away from civillization. So soothing and beautiful <3

• Eyes wide open was epic just like his 2020 viking schlager song (i prefer his 2020 song over this one but that's another story)

Melodifestivalen

• Little tot was amazing but def not as good as Bulletproof. It's still catchy asf and one of my favs from this selection.

• Dandi Dansa aka a banger, again another catchy song.

• Every minute sounds like a summer hit, it's awesome. It's also the spawner of all those haha eric on a kitchen tile memes I've seen around during that time.

• The world and especially Sweden wasn't ready for the masterpiece called Rena Rama Ding Dong. They should tone down their preference for safe pop songs and choose meme worthy songs like this one in the future tbh. They didn't even qualify, Sweden = coward.

• One Touch is a fun club track, I can see this as a summer hit as well. But her stage show...go girl give us nothing

• In the middle, once again The Mamas delivered.

• And finally Voices, which its nf staging was superior to the esc one. We are so sorry Tusse 😔

Festivali i Këngës

• Zjarri Im a total banger, it wasn't even in the top 5 ffs Era Rusi queen.

• Njësoj has such a nice party vibe, should have qualified.

• Haven't paid any attention to Karma until it won, then I said hey this isn't so bad, it's traditional and ethnic, I can actually see Albania in the final with this.

Dora

• Rijeka was the only one I thought it will win by a landslide and I was surprised it didn't. The staging was a bit too over the top, though

• Tick Tock grew on me after it won and quickly became one of my faves of this year's esc. I'm still sad it didn't qualify 😔

• She's like a dream is super uplifting and also sounds like an 80s song.

• Colors is something I heard a million times before but for some reason I'm jamming to this? Also I heard she's blind, is it true?

Eesti Laul

• Took me a while to have a fave from this nf but after some listens Magus Melanhoolia stole my heart 🧡 it's so different from the others and the staging looked so proffesional.

• Lost in a dance had me d a n c i n, I noticed we had a lot of 80s throwbacks in this nf season, this included. The live was so dissapointing though 😔

• Not so keen on 6 at first but now I absolutely love it, she has such a nice style and the song's athmosphere is so magical.

• Time was amazing, surprised it came 2nd!

• I actually liked The lucky one lmao, I found it much better than his previous entry.

• Heaven's not that far tonight was the party 80s bop we didn't knew we needed

Dansk Melodi Grand Prix

• Probably my biggest letdown of this nf season but I actually managed to like Står lige her, digging the electro 80s (again) sound

• I also liked Øve os på hinanden as well, this one really feels like a legit 80s track rather than a throwback.

• Silver Bullet was interesting as well, it was the early frontrunner when the songs first came out from what I remember.

Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu

• I love you is so wacky and catchy, and in finnish! I'd hear this as a soundtrack in an old video game.

• Dark Side was the definite winner ever since I heard it, and they even got a top 10 finish for Finland for the first time in years! Couldn't be more proud 😭

• Hurt was also one of my favs, Aksel needs to come back to esc, maybe in 2022 methinks 🤔

• Wait what is Laura Põldvere, an estonian singer tm doing in finnish nf? While I liked Play, I knew it wasn't strong enough to win, and she even came last. Do you get any flashbacks from another estonian entry with the same name that came last? 👀

C'est vous qui decidez

• Voila was the clear winner and that's about it, she deserved the win, it's just too beautiful for this world 😭

• Alleluia was an interesting sound of afrobeat, too bad their chances were killed because of messy staging :(

• Amour fou was so catchy and I loved the horse head thing lmao

Pabandom iš naujo

• Discoteque all day any day. The Roop world domination 💛

• Where'd you wanna go is so calming. I listen to this when I'm stressed and it works wonders, this was really beautiful.

• Open is so unique and soothing, a total contrast from her 2014 entry.

• Never fall for you again is a total earworm, even now as I'm writing this...even if I haven't listened to it since February.

Sanremo

• Zitti e Buoni was my instant fave, it simply stood out from the others by a lot.

Festival da Canção

• Por um triz is a beautiful ballad, was my fave.

• Saudade was the early favourite, reminds me of Telemoveis with its weird but artsy style.

Israel NF

• ...I really only liked Set me free tbh.

• La la love had a good potential but I can't not cringe at the corona reference like...ugh. Such a fun party song killed by one lyric, such a shame.

Russia's NF

• Just Russian Woman was the only one who deserved to win.

Spain's NF

• Yeah, they were both good but I liked Voy a Quedarme more.

#txt #oh my god oKAY this is a long post af #eurovision

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marshmallowprotection · 4 years ago

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Considering your probably doing stuff with Saeran’s AE, I doubt you’ll do this match up for my newest addition to my many CMCs, at least not today, probably not until Monday, and thats fine! Do it whenever you like. Cus Sae takes priority for me as well- I’ll do anything to do with him before all else lol

WARNING: Mentions of depression, suicide, and self loathing.

Full Name: Emmeryn Williams

International Age: 24 (AS) 25 (OS)

Korean Age: 25 (AS) 26 (OS)

Nicknames: Emma, Em, Eryn (Pronounced Like Aaron)

Blood Type: AB-

Sexual Orientation: Demisexual & Romantic (Does Not Care For Gender)

Marital Status: Single

Ethnicity: American (British & Scottish In Ancestry)

Nationality: South Korea

Religion: Christian (Formerly) Does Not Belong To Any Religion But Does Believe In God And Stuff

Birthdate: February 14th, 1991

Zodiac: Aquarius

Height: 5'9 ft (175 cm)

Weight: 128 lbs (58 kgs)

Status: Alive (All Routes Except in a Custom Bad Ending, Known As “Self Loathers Fate”)*

*In Emmeryn’s custom bad ending timeline, Emmeryn’s mental health because so bad that she ends up giving in to her inner suicidal urges, hanging herself to be discovered by authorities 5 days later. Just to show how little her grandmother cares for her, she honestly didn’t even cry nor care about Emmeryn’s death, and though she never voiced it, she was glad she was gone because Emmeryn was more of a burden to her than anything else.

Occupation: Online College Student 6th Year In Search of Masters Degree in Computer Science, Part-Time Waitress

Hobbies: Playing Video Games, Sleeping, Obsessively Fawning Over Favorite Video Game Characters, Drawing Fanart, Writing Random Ideas For Video Games In Her Notebook, Spending 12 Hours Studying Or More A Day Studying And Doing Schoolwork

Likes: Video Games, Drawing Fanart, Researching Korean Culture

Dislikes: Herself, Spiders, People Forcing The Curtains of Her Room Open, People Mocking Her For Her Height

Affiliations: RFA

Relatives: Father (Deceased)

Mother (Deceased)

Maternal Grandmother-In-Law

Background: Emmeryn is an American girl who majors in Computer Science at her college. Emmeryn’s mother died giving birth to her, and her father committed suicide straight after, saying in his suicide note that he blamed Emmeryn for her mother’s death, leaving her in the care of her maternal grandmother (who was her mother’s stepmother) who was living in South Korea. Since she was young she was always very introverted, preferring the company of her stuffed animals to other people. She was always very awkward when it came to talking to people anyway, and her grandmother decided for the sake of not embarrassing herself she would keep Emmeryn away from other people if possible. Her grandmother overall neglected Emmeryn, forcing her to raise herself, which she didn’t mind at all, as it gave her more time to do what she liked. Emmeryn had always had a bit of self-loathing, mostly due to her grandmother treating her like a burden and often saying things behind her back about how she doesn’t like some part of her whenever she thought Emmeryn couldn’t hear (when in fact she could). After Emmeryn turned 18 she immediately moved out of her grandmother’s place into a small studio apartment, but it was good enough for her. Since she was quite young Emmeryn had always wanted to make video games, and so decided to study Computer Science in college to do so. She chose to do online school to avoid interacting with people.

In her 3rd year of college (she was 21 at that point) she discovered her father’s suicide note when visiting her grandmother, and her self-loathing skyrocketed immediately (remember, her father said he blamed Emmeryn for her mother’s death and hated her. Also, at that point, Emmeryn didn’t know her mother died in childbirth, and that only intensified her self-loathing

). She ended up barely leaving her apartment anymore except for work and to buy things from the store.

Emmeryn is a girl who doesn’t particularly like being around people. She hates the world and most people in it and prefers video game characters instead because in her mind “They can never hurt you” and that they’re “Better than real-life people”. She could be called lazy because she seems so carefree when in reality she works really hard in college and has straight As. she often comes off as apathetic and distant, but when she cares about someone, she is fiercely protective of them and cares for them deeply. However, due to her self-loathing, she’s often very self-deprecating and some people find that annoying. She’s also a bit insecure about her height as she’s taller than most women and many people just don’t like tall women, including her grandmother, who is shorter than her. Emmeryn overall prefers to stick to her little world in her room where she can pretend the outside world doesn’t exist. However, inside, she’s one big catastrophe away from pulling the trigger.

It’s probably an understatement to say she has moderately severe depression, as well as insomnia (the insomnia is caused by her often stays up extremely late studying and or playing video games.)

Trivia:

Emmeryn has dark brown hair and amber eyes. Emmeryn has literally no friends, seriously. She even avoids talking to people online. Emmeryn got into drawing and writing as part of her want to make video games one day. Emmeryn had one friend when she was younger who didn’t judge or care about any of the flaws which she hates, however, they themselves had severe depression and committed suicide when she was 15, heavily affecting her mental health for years to come. Emmeryn knows both English and Korean. Emmeryn doesn’t actually know that much about Korean culture despite living in South Korea, and so has a desire to learn more about it as she is fascinated by it. Emmeryn met Rika once before by bumping into her at a grocery store, but they never met again afterward as Emmeryn quickly ran away from her because of her default reflex to run away from everyone she encounters outside of work. — Submission

I match you with...

Yoosung!

You’re the kind of person that tends to get a little... unsure of yourself. You have a hard time listening to your own own because every time you find the use of it, someone is speaking over you and making you feel bad for existing. That’s not a right thing for anyone to do to anyone. It’s exhausting and it hurts, but you have ways to cope with what’s bothering you. With that in mind, you need someone who sees you for you and puts you first. I think it would be sweet for you to learn your boundaries and trials with someone who knows that feeling, and Yoosung is the one for you.

He would know what it feels like to be... unsure and at blame for what’s not really one’s fault. So, I imagine the two of you are the types to sit together and play games as well as talk about what may be bothering you. It’s just easy to talk to him and you don’t have to worry about him being too much for you. He’s just the right amount of sweet and forward. He wants to hold your hand and let you know how great he thinks you are.

Yoosung knows what she deals with, if not to the same extent. Being with someone who understands him helps justify and work on himself, you know? Get ready to slowly but surely get out of the house to enjoy yourself much, he wants to take you out and show you that you have a right to have fun, too.

#littleghostlyrose #ask #mod kait #mm #mysme #mysticmessenger #matchup #yoosung kim #submission

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hphm-tanaka-chung · 4 years ago

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HPHM Profile~ Rose Tanaka

I took most of the revised template that @hogwartsmysterystory created, but made a few changes to get right to the gist of everything. If anything needs clarifying, let me know and I’ll fix things up.

(image created by hufflepuffmystery on Instagram!)

Identity:

Name: Rose Tanaka

Gender: Female

Birth date: October 27, 1972

Age: 17 as of June 1, 1989

Blood Status: Half-Blood (mother was Muggleborn, father was a wizard)

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Alignment: Neutral Good

Ethnicity: Japanese

Nationality: Japanese

Residence: Osaka, Japan

MBTI: INFP

Magic capability:

Wand: Poplar with unicorn hair, 12 inches, quite bendy

Animagus?: In the canon game, Rose is a falcon animagus.

Magical Abilities: In the canon game, Rose is a legilimens.

Boggart/Riddikulus: Rose’s Boggart is not instantly visible, but she’s scared of the cold. She’s scared of the feeling of numbness within, and she’s scared of seeing even a little bit of frost spread over matter. In the Riddikulus form, the ice had dissolved into a swirling sparkling wind that gently lifted her hair and clothes, which, of course, made her laugh.

Mirror of Erised: The image that stares back at her is intriguing. She sees herself as an older woman with a broomstick in hand, wearing one of the Japanese Quidditch team uniforms--but at the same time she has a few books in her other hands that depicted titles that had nothing to do with Quiddtch...

Patronus: Rose’s Patronus in the game is a lop-eared bunny.

Patronus memory: Her Patronus memory would be of the time her grandmother took her to see the cherry blossoms when she was still very young--the time she spent with her grandmother was near and dear to her.

Amortentia: Rose smells chrysanthemum tea, parchment, fresh mown grass, and something minty. Anyone who smells her scent would smell cherry blossoms, fresh parchment, hot chocolate, and something like...hair dye.

Appearance:

Faceclaim: Satomi Ishihara

Voiceclaim: Lea Salonga (may subject to change)

Game Appearance:

Height: 5’6”

Weight: …?

Physique: Slim and fit, not a lot of muscle

Eye Colour: Brown

Hair Colour: Black (dyed dark blue in year 5)

Skin Tone: Pale

Body Modifications: N/A

Scarring: N/A

Inventory: (what do they carry on them?)

-a hair comb

-a few spare quills

-a plain black headband

-a photo of her as a baby and her family

Fashion: Rose tends to wear shirts with collars, so don’t expect her to be out of her school uniform for too long. On occasion she’d wear a hoodie and jeans, or anything traditionally worn by English girls of the time. Hey, just because she’s Japanese doesn’t mean she can’t learn about the English culture.

Allegiances

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Ilvermorny House: Horned Serpent

Affiliations/Organizations:

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Ravenclaw)

Toyohashi Tengu -> Japanese National Quidditch team (Japan)

Professions: Quidditch player; Hogwarts Flying Instructor/Quidditch Referee

Hogwarts info:

Class proficiencies: Astronomy (A), Charms (O), Defence Against the dark Arts (E), Flying (E), Herbology (O), History of Magic (E), Potions (E), Transfiguration (E)

Electives: Care of Magical Creatures (E), Divination (A), Muggle Studies (E)

Quidditch: Ravenclaw Seeker (4th-7th year)

Extracurricular: N/A

Favourite professors: Professor Sprout, Professor Flitwick

Least favourite professors: Professor Binns

Relationships

Best friends (canon): Rowan Khanna, Badeea Ali, Charlie Weasley, Ben Copper, Chiara Lobosca, Talbott Winger, Andre Egwu

Rivals: Merula Snyde

Enemy: R

Dormmates: Rowan Khanna, Badeea Ali, Tulip Karasu

Pets: Cat (Arisu)--a half-breed of cat and Kneazle

Love Interest: Torn between Ben Copper and Talbott Winger. Despite having gone out on 2 dates with Talbott, she still thinks of Ben Copper a lot, and reminisces back to their time at the Celestial Ball.

Closest canon friends: listed above

Closest MC friends: Emmett Chung

Familial relations:

Mother: Melissa Tanaka (nee Feng)

Melissa was born and raised in China by strict parents Rose never got to see. A hard worker at school and in her family home, she eventually got herself a job as a bank manager. She moved to Japan in hopes of settling trade issues between China and Japan--it was there where she met Rose’s father. She is now working as a representative of the Chinese national bank, and her consistent travelling between the two countries resulted in a lack of bonding between her children.

Father: Ashina Tanaka

Before Ryotaro Tanaka stepped foot into Mahoutokoro, Ashina went first. He was a good student at Mahoutokoro, but not a face everyone remembered so well; he constantly kept to himself and buried himself in his work all the time. The few friends he did have, he rarely kept connections with after graduating. Still, he took delicate care in everything he did, and eventually opened a shop where he made crafts and learned the old Japanese arts upon graduating.

Brother: Kyoru Tanaka

Kyoru Tanaka was Rose’s older brother who was first considered for Mahoutokoro but eventually chose to go to Hogwarts when his letter of acceptance arrived from that school. Despite the geographical distance he made the trips to and from King’s Cross work. Just like his father, Kyoru kept to himself a lot, and he made very few friends in his time there. Upon his imprisonment in the buried vault he thought nothing of the impact he left on the rest of his family.

Cousin: Cho Chang

Cho Chang is six years younger than Rose and aspires to be a good flier like her cousin. Though they never really met much she heard of her older cousin’s stories and eventually got sorted into Ravenclaw in her first year, when Rose was then made Head Girl.

Grandmother: Fei-Ying Tanaka

Rose was very close with her paternal grandmother who was just equally proud of her son and his achievements. When she was younger they would spend a lot of time together while Kyoru was in school, and from her grandmother she would learn how to read and write in Japanese, communicate and read and write in English, and understand more of her culture and her family history.

Background/History:

Rose lived a rather detached sort of life within her family when she was younger. The one person she had a firm relationship with at the time was her grandmother, who always took her out on trips to the park while teaching her many different things. Her father was busy manning the shop soon after Kyoru started to attend school, and as for her mother she barely saw her around a lot either. During this time, though, Rose did learn a few useful things from her father as well as her grandmother--she soon mastered the ancient art of origami and ink drawings.

Eventually, Kyoru went missing in the summer of 1982, and two years later Rose began to attend Hogwarts. Before September 1 every year, she would move to her aunt’s place and live with her cousin, Cho.

Hogwarts Mystery unfolded.

Upon graduation, Rose went back to Japan and at first contemplated on using her talents to teach at Mahoutokoro, but the memories she had of the wizard in white robes ambushing her on R’s orders were enough to make her refuse her placement. Instead, she sought a position on one of the Japanese Quidditch teams. She eventually was placed in the substitute roster on the Toyohashi Tengu as Seeker, but her exceptional talents on the pitch eventually bumped her up to the starting roster. She was eventually admitted to the Japanese National Quidditch team, and represented her country in the 1994 Quidditch Cup. Although the team did not make it into the final, she still revelled in her glory.

Well, that was, until Talbott reached out to her while she was recovering from minor injuries from the matches. She was hesitant to reach out to him in return, but remembering her promise to him she eventually started a correspondence with him.

Rose fought along with her peers at the Battle of Hogwarts and survived. After Hogwarts was fully rebuilt, she took over as the Flying Coach at Hogwarts, and then the Quidditch referee certified by the British Ministry of Magic, when Madam Hooch eventually retired.

Rose did not consider marriage throughout this time, but eventually she reconnected with Talbott and the flame reignited. They got married in early 1999. Current legacies undetermined.

Personality:

Rose is not at all like the rest of her family--much like her grandmother, she is understanding and patient with everyone she meets. Rowan was actually the first one to break through that shell the rest of her family had cast upon her, and she became much more open and friendly. She’s not afraid to get a little competitive at times with her peers, but it was all for fun in the end. Still, she knows well where her loyalties lie. She would snap shut if something upsets her, and break down if the situation bore too much pressure. Her way of venting involved making a lot of origami and writing in a small notebook--almost like a journal--or furiously writing essays that didn’t pertain to academics.

Misc:

Rose’s favourite colour is pink, but perhaps that came from the fact that she was literally named after a flower.

Rose and Tulip actually share a close kinship based on the fact that they were named after flowers. Admittedly, Rose was about to be named Blossom when she was born, but her father once surprised her mother with an elegantly painted origami rose which spurred the change of name before her birth.

Rose could make origami. She trained her patience through it.

Despite Rose not warming up to flying at first, she eventually became really good at it and so continued to foster her talents in that subject area.

More to come…?

#hogwarts mystery mc #hphm rose tanaka #hphm #hphm mc #hogwarts mystery profile #about rose tanaka

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cabbagebender · 5 years ago

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Keith? Oh and Hunk?

Ahh, thanks for the ask! From this headcanon ask game:

Hunk

Age:

Supplementary canon: 17 - 18 in Seasons 1-6, 18-19 in Seasons 7-8.

Headcanon: I take the birthdays and ages in the Paladin Handbook as if the book were written on January 1st, so Hunk is only three months younger than pre-space whale Keith, and he's closer in age to (psw) Keith than to Lance.

Ethnicity:

Supplementary Canon: Half Samoan, half African-American.

Headcanon: Samoan on his dad's side, African-American on his mom's. Yes, I have his entire family figured out. They were relatively major characters in a fic I was hyperfixated on writing for a few months.

Gender:

Sure!

Which is to say, I've entertained pretty much every gender headcanon there is for Hunk except cis girl.

Mental Health:

Anxiety

I've considered Hunk as having ADHD before

Physical Health:

I saw a colorblind headcanon for Hunk once and like, I can get behind that?

Also, I think it'd be tragically amusing if Hunk had a food allergy that piSSED him oFF because it keeps getting in the way of him trying dishes he really wants to try

Orientation:

Bi/Pan (I go back and forth on which label I use for him, but the sentiment remains the same – all genders)

Most of the time I headcanon him as someone who, well, doesn't necessarily actively identify as arospec, but acknowledges that he has NO idea how to differentiate between romantic and platonic attraction. He just? loves people? Once the other person is like "this is what our relationship is" it's a lot easier for him to then develop his feelings along the appropriate track, but like, for example, if Pidge, his best friend who he has a 100% platonic relationship with and has never wanted anything different from, was suddenly like "hey, i wanna date you!" he probably would be like "yeah, okay, sure, we can try that!" (he might be confused because Pidge hasn't historically been romantically attracted to people. But if he was convinced she was serious). And that's not because he's secretly harboring romantic feelings for her, he's just sort of down for developing romantic feelings for any of his most special people at a moment's notice – OR for nurturing a hearty platonic love that can never be broken.

I have written him as more alloromantic, though – but he always values his friendships as much as his romances.

Poly Hunk poly Hunk poly Hunk P O L Y

(The Hunk-and-Allura polycule is one of my favorite little brain things, borne out of the fact that I keep shipping those two with the same people)

Religious Background and Current Beliefs

Protestant Christian to both of the above, of the "be generous and love thy neighbour" variety

Keith

Age:

Supplementary canon: 18-19 in S1-5, 21 in S6-8

Ethnicity:

Half Korean-American on his human side.

(In human!AUs, I have him as half Korean-American, half-English-American. The biggest empire in recent history is the British Empire, so I usually make humanized Galra characters English for parallel reasons)

(which is funky bc I've done a LOT of human AUs, which means in my head I sort of think of Keith as mixed white/Korean but in the actual show he's none white)

Gender:

Agender

The hair. It's been growing out for years. It's Keith's (lack of) gender affirmation project.

Sometimes I have them eventually going by K and using they/them pronouns.

Mental Health:

ADHD

Autism

Prosopagnosia (face blindness)

Desperate, desperate need of a therapist

Physical Health:

Lots of fun funky alien biology side effects that made his doctors twitch when he was a supposedly all-human kid:

I've seen headcanons that Keith can't digest vegetables because of his Galra heritage. I'm not sure if I hold that headcanon 100%, because he is still half-human, but I definitely agree that Galra are carnivores (look at the teeth) and Keith is probably malnourished. Even his human parent is big and buff and Keith... is not. If he'd been raised by his dad throughout his childhood maybe he would have grown up beefier and taller (since I'm sure his dad probably at least somewhat understood the Galra diet from having lived with Krolia), buuut his dad died when Keith was prepubescent and then he was in the foster system and... yeah he probably wasn't getting the optimized diet for his particular interspecies genetic makeup.

I like to think that he grew up with a couple of Very Strange Health Conditions that turned out to just be Galra things, like UV vision and two sets of baby teeth and ridges of bone protruding from.his scalp like Acxa has (hello, big poofy bangs to hide that).

Also, any time he had to do a blood test or a urine test at the doctor's it just... did not provide anything resembling useful information.

Doctor: I... don't know what I'm looking at here exactly but we've run the test multiple times and this seems to be your actual blood? How do you have this much iron in your blood?? Maybe eat... less meat?

Hunk, looking at the same results years later, having adjusted for Galra heritage: Keith, you're anemic.

Keith: are you KIDDING me

(see: Keith is malnourished)

Like most real life interspecies hybrids, I think Keith is probably incapable of natural reproduction.

Orientation:

Asexual

Aromantic

But like also sometimes he feels intense things for people that are different from his usual platonic bonds, but the word romantic is all lovey dovey to him and he Can't attach that to the complicated place his feelings are coming from so ??? Is he actually aro?? or does he just have Stuff way too deeply seated to ever process his romantic attraction in a clear and conventional way?? does it make a difference at this point, if the word aro is what's comfortable for him? aka, stuff keith ponders alone in his room at 2:30 in the morning

(If you want my specific headcanons about Who "people" are, it's Allura and Hunk – his hella strong but also kinda messy emotional connection with Allura, where he's just like "I know this is different from every other bond in my life but Please do not ask me to explain idk the Fuck is going on," and the fact that every time Hunk grabs him or picks him up or otherwise manhandles him his brain just shuts down like "oh this is good please continue to make hold" when it SHOULD be going into fight mode the way it would for anyone else)

Religious Background and Current Beliefs

I honestly don't know what Keith's background would be, but I think he's sort of... generally agnostic? Like, he believes in a higher power but not necessarily a sentient one or something to be worshipped. It's more like a big spiritual pulse through the multiverse that connects everything and everyone – fate, but with free will. It's what he taps into to access his nigh psychic abilities, which I've talked about before but maybe not since I made this sideblog so let me know if you want me to make a post about that.

#vld #keith #hunk #heith #kallura #voltron: legendary defender #hunk + keith #allura + keith #ask memes #headcanons #the disaster answers #leolikesarokeith #long post #the disaster speaks

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wellesleyunderground · 5 years ago

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Wellesley Writes It: Interview with Patrice Caldwell ’15, Founder of People of Color in Publishing

Patrice Caldwell ’15 is the founder & fundraising chair of People of Color in Publishing – a grassroots organization dedicated to supporting, empowering, and uplifting racially and ethnically marginalized members of the book publishing industry. Born and raised in Texas, Patrice was a children’s book editor before shifting to be a literary agent at Howard Morhaim Literary Agency.

In 2018, she was named a Publishers Weekly Star Watch honoree and featured on The Writer’s Digest podcast and Bustle’s inaugural “Lit List” as one of ten women changing the book world.

Her anthology, A Phoenix First Must Burn – 16 stories of Black girl magic, resistance, and hope – is out March 10, 2020 from Viking Books for Young Readers/Penguin Teen in the US/Canada and Hot Key Books in the UK! Visit Patrice online at patricecaldwell.com, Twitter @whimsicallyours, and Instagram @whimsicalaquarian.

Wellesley Underground’s Wellesley Writes it Series Editor, E.B. Bartels ’10, had the chance to converse with Patrice via email about publishing, reading, and writing. E.B. is grateful to Patrice for willing to be part of the Wellesley Writes It series, even with everything else she has going on!

EB: When did you first become interested in going into writing and publishing? Did something at Wellesley spark that interest?

PC: For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved writing. It’s how I best express myself. That love pretty naturally grew into creating stories. I’ve always had a very vivid imagination. I’ve also always been pretty aware that publishers exist. I remember at a young age noticing the logos on the spines of books (notating the imprint/publisher), so by the time I was a teen I could recall which publishers published my favorite books (served me very well in interviews, haha) and was curious about that process. But I was a theater kid, intensely, that’s what I thought I would do, but then I decided to go to Wellesley and majored in political science (especially theory—I took ever class Professor Grattan, she’s brilliant) but then dabbled in a bunch of other subjects, including English. I think English courses definitely strengthened my critical thinking, but I absolutely do not think you have to be an English or creative writing major in order to work in publishing or be a writer. My theater background is just as helpful as is my political theory one. (I have friends who are best-selling authors who did MFA programs and others who never went to college.)

Wellesley was my safe space. I came back to myself while at Wellesley. I wrote three (unpublished) manuscripts during my time there, starting the summer after my first year, and I held publishing and writing related internships. I also took a fantastic children’s literature course taught by Susan Meyer (who’s a children’s author herself!) that changed my world. I highly recommend it. We studied children’s literature, got to talk to an author and a literary agent, and we wrote our own stories. I later did a creative writing independent study with her, and I truly thank Professor Meyer for expanding my interest in writing and publishing.

EB: How did People in Color Publishing come about? What goals do you have for the organization? What would you like people to know about it?

PC: I founded People of Color in Publishing in August 2016 to allow people of color clearer access into the book publishing industry, better support networks, and professional development opportunities. It really is about sending the elevator back down for others after climbing (& maybe even assembling) the stairs.

We’re currently working towards nonprofit status. You can learn more about us and our initiatives at https://www.pocinpublishing.com/ and sign up for our newsletter, which is incredibly well done. As you’ll see when you visit the site, the organization really is a team effort. I don’t and couldn’t do this alone; I’ve had an amazing team with me from day one. We each play to our strengths and work really well together. (The org is very active on Instagram and Twitter, too!)

EB: I am really excited about your collection A Phoenix First Must Burn, coming out from Penguin Random House on March 10, 2020. What inspired you to put together that anthology? What was challenging about the process of compiling the anthology, and what was rewarding about it?

PC: Thank you; I’m so excited for it as well. I talk about this more in the book’s introduction, but I was inspired by my eternal love for Octavia Butler—the title even comes from a passage in Parable of the Talents—as well as similar adult market anthologies like Sheree R. Thomas’s Dark Matter, and wondering what one for teens would look like. The answer is power and imagination like I’ve never before seen, in the form of a kick-ass, #BlackGirlMagic anthology that’s hella queer—I love it and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Before I became a literary agent, I was a children’s book editor. The editing of these stories was the easy part. It was super fun. The hard part was wrangling of everyone, haha. Thankfully they were amazing to work with and I wasn’t doing it alone—my then editor Kendra Levin also has a fantastic editorial eye.

As for what was rewarding, my younger self needed this. Like I said, it’s Black and queer. Since Toni Morrison passed, a day hasn’t gone by in which I’ve thought, about how she wrote for Black people, especially Black women, unapologetically. I feel that deeply. I got to work with some of my favorite writers writing today. How often does someone get to say that, you know. And, I grew a lot as a writer. I never thought I could write a short story, but I did. We’ve been getting some really great early reviews (like this beautifully-written starred review from Kirkus, OMG!) But going back to how my younger self needed this, the most rewarding thing has been the people who’ve reached out how excited they are to read it and how much they’ve been craving a book like this. It’s a dream come true. A dream I strategized to reach, worked my butt off on, and so yeah, I’m over the moon.

EB: You're also the author of a YA fantasy book (publication date TBD) in addition to the anthology. How is the experience of writing a fantasy novel different and/or similar to compiling an anthology? What advice would you give to someone writing their own book (of any genre)?

PC: It’s such a different experience in that writing this novel is all me, especially because it hasn’t sold yet (I’m finishing revising it now). My agents are amazing, with an excellent editorial skills, and so they’re certainly there to help and advise me should I need them—and then I have author friends I can ask for advice too—but ultimately if I don’t write this book, it doesn’t get written. There’s no one else to nudge.

The similarities, however, between novels and short stories are that ultimately, I’m the same writer, I’m the same person. For instance, I love experimenting with structure. My story for A Phoenix First Must Burnbegins in the present, goes back in time, and ends again at the present. The story I just wrote, for Dahlia Adler’s Shakespeare-inspired anthology, is epistolary—told partially in journal entries, and my third short story (for an unannounced thing) takes place partially on the set of a scripted reality TV show, so there’s definitely going to be script excerpts throughout. My novel is similar in that it’s told through three women, but two of them are narrated in first present tense (like, I am) whereas one is in third past (she was). And then every few chapters I have an excerpt of something from this fantasy world’s archives—oral myths passed down about various gods, peace treaties made over the years, accounts from the war that just ended, etc. It’s been a huge challenge and lot of fun.

I didn’t have the skills to pull this book off when I started writing it, which is something I think a lot of writers deal with at some point. Therefore, I had two options: put the book down and write something more manageable or take the time it took to write this. Neither option is better than the other—the best option is what’s right for you, and I didn’t have anything more manageable that I was as passionate about, so I had to write through it. When you’ve tried everything you can possibly try (including breaks, they’re important!) to unstick your story, you have to write through it. You have to deal with the voices (including sometimes your own) saying you can’t, and the only way to truly deal with those voices is to show up to the paper, the screen, whatever it is, and write. In writing and believing in my own work before anyone else has, I’ve found my confidence. Confidence in your own writing is key because only you can write the book you want to write <3.

EB: What are you currently reading?

PC: Realm of Ash by Tasha Suri. I just loved herdebut novel, Empire of Sand, and I’m so pumped to be diving into this one. Badass women, incredibly rich worldbuilding, and very cool magic as well as a lot about access to forgotten history and assimilation into other cultures.

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell. It is getting fantastic early reviews and was pitched as a 21stcentury Lolita (by one of my agents who sold it actually) and given all the #MeToo conversations, it has ended up being super timely. I hated Lolita (could not finish), and I love this book. Oh, and Stephen King loved it, which for me is an auto-buy. It’s out March 10, 2020.

The Midnight Lie by Marie Rutkoski. You definitely don’t have to love someone’s books to be friends with them, but in this case, Marie is a friend whose work I’m obsessed with. It’s set in the same world as another one of her series—one of my favorite series that’s like game theory in a fantasy world and begins with The Winner’s Curse. Marie is brilliant, this book is brilliant, and it’s also very queer. It’s out March 3, 2020.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik. This book has been getting the best of reviews and praise, so it’s been at the top of my to-reads list for a while, but I started reading it because a friend mentioned that it has multiple POVs all in first person (which is very unusual), and like I said, I love playing around with stuff like that. This is book is a masterpiece.

As you can tell, I love reading books. I also love book hopping, so I’m always reading a bunch at once. I’m on a bit of a fantasy streak right now. But from October to December 2019 I read like a romance novel a week (sometimes three a week, haha) and revisited my favorite urban fantasy series, so if you’re into those check out Chloe Neill’s Chicagoland Vampires + Heirs of Chicagoland series, Tessa Dare’s Girl Meets Duke series and of course our very own Jasmine Guillory, my favorite of hers thus far is The Wedding Party). After I’m done with my revisions, I wanna take a writing break and sink into Emily Wilson’s translation of The Odyssey and Dan Jones’s The Wars of the Roses: The Fall of the Plantagenets and the Rise of the Tudors.

EB: What future projects/goals do you have for yourself and your career?

PC: I spent most of Wellesley working towards two goals: being published and working in publishing. In doing so, I accomplished a lot in a very short time, and I totally wrecked my mental health—it took most of 2019 to rebuild that. I’m trying to live more in the present and enjoy that. Career wise, I’m just gonna trust that I’m already doing the work I need to do and that I have the support systems I need to help me keep doing that. And for a personal goal, I have been wanting to spend more time in Paris—I went back for the first time in ten years for all of February 2019, and just loved it. My whole soul felt at home, so I’d like to take some French lessons to fill in the gaps (I took French from middle school through sophomore year at Wellesley and achieved proficiency, but I want to become fluent). And then I want to visit more for longer and see where that takes me.

EB: I so admire your freelance hustle, and as someone attempting it myself, too, I know that sometimes it feels like you have to work 24/7 to make it possible. How do you set boundaries for yourself and your work? How do you take care of yourself?

PC: So, I’m a literary agent and a writer, which means my entire income comes from commission I make from the writer client projects I work on and sell as an agent and advance payments (and hopefully royalties down the line) as a writer. That said, I didn’t become a literary agent until June 2019, and didn’t get the first payment from a client book I sold until November, so most my income is still coming from writing (for reference, I received my first advance check in fall of 2018).

As of now, balancing the two isn’t that hard for me. But you have to understand that I was first an editor and a writer, so I had to do most of the deadlines for A Phoenix First Must Burn while also going into an office 5 days a week, from 10-7/8pm. Now, I manage my own schedule.

My main “freelance life” struggle was that I was diagnosed with ADHD this year. When I left my full-time, salaried job, at the end of 2018, I didn’t realize just how helpful that structure had been. To me, that structure was only ever a limitation. I felt like it was ridiculous with all of this technology that we all had to be in NYC, I felt like editors needed to be more proactive, I preferred to travel to book festivals and teach at workshops and meet writers where they are, etc. etc. But then, without that structure, everything fell apart. Suddenly, tasks that used to take me five minutes could actually take me five hours because I only had myself to answer to. I would hyper-focus on everything but what I needed to be doing. It was a really hard time for me because I had all of these things I wanted to do now that I finally had more time to do them, but ADHD had other plans—I constantly felt like I wasn’t achieving what I knew I could because I had done it before.

I had to learn to forgive myself. This is how my brain works, and there are a lot of strengths to it (like if I remove distractions like the internet, I can hyper-focus for hours, I’m a fantastic problem solver, and I thrive in chaos—all things that help me excel at my work). Learning to forgive yourself for not accomplishing all the things, whether you have a mental illness or not, is really important.

You also have to be hyper-aware of your strengths and weaknesses. What are things you know you’re just not good at? Can you pay someone else to do it? Is there an app you can download that can make that task easier? I delegate and outsource every detail-level thing that I can because I’m horrible at details and I’ve finally accepted that that’s okay. One person cannot do everything forever; it’s not sustainable.

And then you also have to say no. If you can afford to say no to something that doesn’t really interest you / have a high payoff, do so. That is how you set boundaries. My health has become so much better ever since I started saying no to more things. Why? It gives me time to do other things, those things I’ve been saying forever I’m going to make more time for (like French lessons and reading books for fun). Now, my evenings and weekends are for non-work things. I love my jobs they’re still jobs.

Trust that you’re on the right path. Trust that you have the support systems you need and if you aren’t or don’t, dream and strategize towards those.

Ultimately, I am the happiest I’ve ever been and that’s because I finally stopped focusing my whole life around my jobs, stopped caring what people who aren’t paying my bills think, and started living my actual life.

EB: What else would you like our readers to know about you and/or your work?

PC: I have a website, Twitter, Instagram, and a newsletter. If you enjoyed this interview, definitely sign up for my newsletter (& check out past issues) as I always give creative life pep talks, share recipes and what books and tv shows I’m loving. I think of my newsletter as a longer form version of my Twitter. My website is a pretty standard website—you can find out more about my own books, my clients, events I’m attending, etc. there. And my Instagram is slightly more personal, with pretty pictures of my face and my book haha, and I share daily/weekly updates about my writing there via IG stories.

And, of course, buy my book: https://patricecaldwell.com/a-phoenix-first-must-burn

Thank you so much for having me and for reading. Happy New Year!

#wellesleywritesit #Wellesley Writes It #Wellesley #Wellesley College #Wellesley Underground #wellesleyunderground #Patrice Caldwell #EB Bartels #E.B. Bartels #class of 2010 #class of 2015 #Wellesley '15 #Wellesley '10 #People of Color in Publishing #publishing #writing #people of color #PoC

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aleapoffaithfiction · 6 years ago

Text

II.

Sarai Nazaire

“You know what I forgot to get while in the city? A pizza. I kept telling myself over and over again that I needed to order a pizza to the hotel and never did. Don’t get me wrong, we have good pizza spots in Atlanta, but there’s nothing like a New York slice. Being that Jesse’s from Chicago, you know they have their own style out there and we debate all the time about which region has the better pizza, but New York takes it by a landslide. Just don’t tell him that I said that.” I stuck the applicator back into the tube of my MAC “Spite” lipglass while she plopped back against the seat in disappointment for having failed to fulfill her craving. I wish she had of said something last night when she decided to travel over from the city to spend her final night on the East Coast at my house. We ordered a couple of dishes from this local Mexican restaurant that left my stomach in shambles throughout the night. I still feel slightly uneasy. Had we gone with a pizza, I probably wouldn’t have had to skip breakfast this morning.

“You’ll be back. We can grab pizza then.”

“I will be. The question is, when are you coming to Atlanta? Come down so we can have some fun in the city. We’re not New York, but the southern hospitality is damn good.”

“As soon as I find the time, I’m on the first flight out there. Contrary to what you believe, I actually enjoy Atlanta. I wouldn’t mind living down there. It’s a great city.” My eyes caught her own as she glanced at me from a side angle and a snide snicker followed to match her mood.

“That’s bullshit and we both know it. You’re an east coast girl to the core. I remember when we were in Toronto at All Star. You looked like a fish out of water. I don’t think I can ever see you moving anywhere else for an extended period of time until you’re saggy and old.”

“First of all, just because I’ll be old doesn’t mean that I’ll be saggy. Have you seen Angela Bassett? That’s the goal right there. Second, I do love it up here but I’m not opposed to living elsewhere at some point in my life. It just depends on the circumstances and opportunities. Right now, aside from it being home, it makes perfect sense to be on the east coast. So, until something comes up, this is where I’ll be.” I was the third hire for The Sports Haven and it was a time clenching phone call that came just before I was due to take another opportunity ESPN presented me with out in Los Angeles. I contacted a realtor in hunt for an apartment and intended to return to settle where I’d be residing, but my destiny ended up being in Connecticut. Though I wasn’t mentally prepared to make such a move, I prayed on it, and was ready. I’m sure it may have been my mother’s prayers of desperation to God that kept me here. She dreaded the reality that I wouldn’t be within close proximity to her though I’m not sure why. We’re not in one each other faces much regardless.

“With the position that you have up there at ESPN, I don’t blame you.”

“And once you’re up there with me, we’re going to turn it up. I need a bit more estrogen on that panel from time to time, even though I hold my own against all three of them.”

“That you do sister. That you do.” Our hands met for a high five and I pulled my small mirror out of my traveling case to check and see if I put on enough concealer. I’ve been dealing with sleep deprivation for the past two weeks or so and it’s certainly starting to show in my under-eye area. The seemingly endless hours at work aside, whenever I do have time to myself it’s either invaded by wanted or unwanted plans with the very view people in my life or I’m trying to tie up loose ends that I am not able to do during the week. I’ve considered hiring a personal assistant but I don’t think I’m at a point where I have the potential to become disorganized or worn down just yet. I intend to give it a bit more time.

“Your face looks good. You don’t need to double check anymore.”

“I’m just making sure everything is in place. I refuse to have Linda touching my face today or ever again. I avoid it at all costs.” I’m not one to discriminate against anyone or much of anything for as long as it’s not arming people, but I absolutely do have a bias when it comes to who does my hair and make-up. I need black hands and talent involved in the process at all times. Sure, there’s talent in every ethnic group, but when it comes to those of your own, there’s a certain level of respect and dedication you’re not going to get elsewhere. I know my foundation shade is going to be on point and that the concealer shade won’t have me in front of the camera looking like Casper The Friendly Ghost. My baby hairs are going to be slicked down just right when I’m rocking some braids and the frontal on my wigs will blend into my hairline seamlessly. If it’s one thing that I don’t play around with, it’s my personal presentation and it’s because I know that I’m going to be critiqued the harshest for two specific discrimination types; my blackness and womanhood. During my contract negotiation, EPSN agreed to hire hairstylist Annagjid Taylor, a mutual friend of my sister and myself. I’ve yet to find a make-up artist but until I do, I’ll handle it on my own. Linda can stay out of my dressing room.

“That woman slightly messed up your make up once and you’ve been holding a grudge against her ever since.” I couldn’t join her in the laughter that filled the SUV. My ears, overall face, and neck were three different colors that day and it was beyond obvious. My mother was the first one to call me and ask what the hell was going on and she doesn’t even watch ESPN. Social media had a field day with it.

“And I’m keeping that grudge.”

“I forgot to mention that I saw you speaking with Odell at the party. That’s one of my favorite guys. He has such a humble spirit and he’s super nice.”

“Hm.”

During the time frame when I was researching his career and background, I viewed plenty of interviews where I can easily admit that he exuded a calmness that I did not expect. After having heard so many opposing and confusing opinions about his character, I presumed that he’d be the “push back” style of athlete who deliberately gave reporters a difficult time in drawing information and responses out of him simply because he could. I’ve dealt with many of those types and it takes the patience of God to be able to sit or stand before them without reacting to such brutal attitudes. Marshawn Lynch is a prime example of one, but I’ve gotten used to it and we’ve built up a mutual respect for one another. Beckham Jr., on the other hand, isn’t likely to behave that way. He’ll give you short answers if he’s flustered or dealing with the disappointment of a game loss. You might receive a deliberate straight-faced expression if he’s being asked the same probing question repeatedly, but he’s never disrespected a reporter. I have never come across any bad commentary about an interview with him.

“He’s been wanting to meet you, actually. He spends a lot of time out in L.A. during the off season. While in town last month, I ran into him at an event out there and in the midst of our conversation he asked about you. He thought you were there too. He mentioned something about you two having failed chance encounters. What is that about?

“I don’t know.” Friend or not, I refuse to get into the details about why I had no desire to meet him or the particulars of what he said last night. With Taylor, I know I’ll never hear the end of it.

“So, what did he say last night?”

“He thanked me for what I said and that was it.” Technically, that is it.

“And what did you say?”

“Uh…you’re welcome.” I couldn’t refrain from laughing at that. “What else was I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know. I just thought you two would have ended up speaking more. He’s been eager for that moment. He’s a really big fan. One of the things that I respect about him is how much respect he has for women. There’s no discrimination on his end. The man hosts a football clinic for women every year and the camp that he does for kids is also extended to girls. Whenever we talk, he always gives me props for my career path and then he fangirls over you. He goes on and on about the way you read off career stats and how much you care about the talent over everything else. He’s confident that you’re the best analyst on the network.”

“I’m not the best.” Surely, I’m working to get there, but as of right now, I’m still learning the ropes.

“It’s his opinion, not yours. Stop selling yourself short either way.”

“Well, I appreciate his kind words.”

“He’s a nice guy.” Our eyes met and mine instantly narrowed at her emphasis on his niceness. Initially, I didn’t understand the point of it until that all too familiar smile appeared on her face. “I’m just saying.”

“Okay.”

“Why are you so short about him?”

“Why are you so long winded about him? I thought Jesse’s your guy.”

“I don’t want Odell. I’ve never viewed him in that manner, but I’m not Stevie Wonder and neither are you. The man is fine as hell.”

“Okay.” I’ve encountered more athletes than I can count over the last four years. Initially, I found myself paying attention to the exterior of a few of them because all of that muscle is right there in front of you, but eventually, it became so normalized in my life that it began to roll right off of me. When you’re so focused on getting the job done, who gives a damn what they look like?

“You’re such a hermit crab.”

John slowly came to a stop in front of Terminal B at Newark Liberty International Airport. We’d made it in just enough time for her to comfortably get through TSA and to her gate without having to put her black Converses to the test.

“Text me when you land so that I can know you’ve made it back safely.” We tightly embraced one another as we always do whenever we greet and leave one another. “And don’t forget because you always do and then I have to call and curse you out.”

“I won’t forget. It’s been a fun week with you, even though I’m sure you’re drained because we’ve hung out just about every day after you left work. Finish up strong today and get some rest. I know you need it.” That’s a fact.

“I will. I’ll be in the bed with some sort of take out as soon as I get home tonight.”

“Fair enough. I’ll see you soon.”

“You will. Enjoy Jesse, because I overheard that he’s heading your way in two days and it’s not for work.” It was my turn to imply what actually is the truth. Despite her playful denial about what they feel for one another and how they navigate it, I know what she feels is sincere. Her face instantly lights up at the mere mention of his name.

“You bitch. Shut up. You enjoy your day because I have a feeling that it’s going to be a pleasant one.”

“It’s always pleasant for the most part.” There are days when it isn’t, but anyone with a job can attest to that no matter what position held or how much money is being made.

“Love you. I’ll text you.”

“Love you.”

With two years in, I’m still considered to be a rookie around the studio and yet I can’t recall too many moments when I’ve ever felt like one. The executives, producers, and all of my colleagues have been pleasant. One of the surprising perks has been my dressing room. Like all spaces in the beginning, it started off as nothing more than a desk and a chair in the corner of the room. Since then, it has transitioned from looking like a prison cell to being filled with the warmth of nude shades and the comforting scent of eucalyptus and spearmint. There are a few finishing touches that I’m going to work on, but even without them, it’s nearly as comfortable as my den area at home.

“Good morning Sarai.” Amy poked her head into a small opening at the door in the same manner that she always does, as if it makes her presence any less invasive since she doesn’t knock.

“Morning.”

“So, I just want to make you aware of a slight change on the docket today. We’re going to pull about twenty minutes of the show’s typical running time for a one on one with you and OBJ. It’s just preseason talk. Of course, you two can get into your commentary about him. It’ll be a full circle moment to put a close to that.”

“Excuse me? Is Chad not available for it? I thought we’re having Chris Broussard and Terrell Owens on today?” On Monday we went over everything for the entire week and although we do briefings every morning, nothing has changed until now. I haven’t heard a single comment of possibility that he would be joining us here at the network today.

“As a content creator yourself, you know that it doesn’t make sense for Chad to do it. This is a last-minute call by Chip. I didn’t even know about it.”

“I don’t have any questions prepared for this. This is bullshit.” For the first time ever, I blurted out profanity in the workplace and despite not being proud of it, I couldn’t help myself. I hate being put on the spot with a passion. I am not spontaneous. I’m no daredevil. No, I don’t do everything by the book, but I damn sure try my best to do so, because I can’t stand fucked up results.

“I’d say just pull from priors and maybe draw up a few over the next thirty.”

“Priors? I’ve never interviewed him. Amy, you know this.”

“And I also know of your capabilities, so this will go smoothly. It’s not an in-depth sit down. It’s preseason talk. There’s nothing to stress about. You got it Sarai. You always have it.” Before I could respond, she slipped out of the door.

And that’s the problem. You let people pull some crap on you once and they’ll continue doing it if you don’t put your foot down. They’ve had me go into a random one on one with Serena Williams that wasn’t expected and then there was another with Kobe, prior to his retirement and him being my colleague. Granted, it’s what made him respect me, but I still would have preferred to be ready.

“Girl, you get to sit across from that fine ass man today. Can I meet him? You know I never ask you to meet anyone, but him? I just want to stand in front of him and see if he’s just as fine as he is in magazines and on television. I don’t even care about sports, but I’d make a sport out of slurping him.” I nearly choked on air. Annagjid salaciously ran her tongue over her lips as I glared at her though the mirror and had the audacity to follow up her lewd behavior with a pelvic thrust.

“Just for that, I’ll make sure he keeps his distance. I’d hate for him to refuse to ever come here again.”

“Did you say cum?”

“Anna!”

“I’m just saying. The man looks like a Greek God. That’s Zeus and I’m trying to be Hera.”

“You do know that Hera was most famous for being extremely jealous and vengeful against all of Zeus’ lovers and the illegitimate children he had with them, right?”

“And that’s exactly what I would do if that was my man. Let a bitch try to come after what’s mine and I’m whooping ass on sight.” Her antics never fail to make me laugh and I needed something to lighten the mood after Amy’s curveball in my day.

“You’re nuts. I swear.”

“And your ponytail is looking bomb too. I made sure those edges are slicked to perfection. This dress is hitting every curve and got the ass looking right. You’re ready.” I’d chosen an ash blue sleeveless Roland Mouret pencil dress for today. The only other option I had in mind was this exact dress in black, but it’s Friday and I’d rather not look like I’m heading to mourn someone’s death. It’s classy and there’s something about the golden zipper in the back that makes it sexy. My mother would be pleased. I doubt she’d deem me to be her son in a skirt today.

“I’m ready for what?”

“You have to look your best while in front of him. Every woman should.”

“For what? If I could, I’d interview him in sweatpants and a t-shirt. He’s not President Obama.”

“Obama and those Dumbo ears wishes he looked like that.”

“You know what? I’m not about to allow you to disrespect my forever President over a New York Giants wide receiver, so I’m going to act like you didn’t say that.”

“Oh, I said it. Know and remember that.”

Owens and Broussard were our first visitors which gave me more than enough time to figure out some type of format and direction to what I’d ask Beckham Jr. during every commercial break. I’d describe today’s show as rather lax because we spent far more time laughing at Chad and Terrell’s antics than we did speaking about the up and coming football season and the tension between Kyrie Irving and Lebron James that has lead to him wanting to be traded. You put a set of best friends who happen to be former NFL players together and what do you get? Endless jokes.

“Aye, don’t go too hard on Odell either. You nice as hell but you mean as hell too.” Chad squeezed my shoulders playfully as his warning went into one ear and right out of the other.

“I am not mean.”

“Shit. You boss my bald ass around all the time, but that’s okay, because I like it. You beat by the way. Face is snatched. Edges laid. The ratio between the front of that sandal and your big toe is on point. Apply pressure on they asses.” Chad’s my second favorite, after Fred. I don’t think he takes much of anything seriously and I appreciate it so much because it brightens my day around here.

“You are such a clown yo. Move.” Our laughter filled the set as he wrapped me into a bear hug from behind.

“Don’t laugh too hard because your foundation is going to crack and then you’re going to have smile lines.”

“Never that!” I learned a trick a long time ago to make sure that never happens.

The space where I’d be interviewing Beckham was just another set a few feet away. Though a bit too intimate in setting for what I planned on asking him, I’d take it. It’s less cameras and lights involved. There’s also much less man power around directing which way to sit, which camera to look into, and the timeframe in which you have to get your thought out before moving on to the next topic. When I think back to my days of strictly writing for ESPN Magazine and Sports Illustrated, I can admit that I miss it from time to time. There’s nothing quite like being able to sit down somewhere, with your laptop or even a pen and paper, and just pour your everything into whatever your focus is. I don’t want to say that broadcasting is microwavable journalism because that would be insulting, but it’s extremely fast paced and often time, stories are left behind as quickly as they’re told. I still have clippings of some of my favorite sports articles from my childhood. I have bookmarks online of articles that I’ve enjoyed over the years, some written by people I’ve met in school or elsewhere, and others from those I simply admire from afar. I still grab magazines from the newsstands in the city. Though I do watch all of the other shows on this network, I certainly do make sure to visit the website to check out what our online journalists are writing. There’s something special about studying a subject and descriptively writing about who they are in a manner that exudes the perfect imagery and it moves me unlike anything else. Though I don’t write as much as I used to, I still try to convey that art when I’m sitting down with someone. My aim is to humanize before anything else.

“Sarai Nazaire.”

His low-pitched and yet calming voice commanded my attention and I granted it by turning to where he stood. Much like a week ago, his piercing eyes pervaded my own, as his blonde curls poked out beyond the hood covering his head. He chose to be lax, in a warm green sweat suit and Nike sneakers.

“Hello.” I extended my hand for his own and our skin met in an instant. “How are you?”

“I’m well. How are you?”

“I’m well.”

“This is my mom, Heather.” It was easy to tell. He resembles the tall beauty quite a bit and they have identical smiles. Whenever he speaks of her, he hails her as his reason for not only being but also for the athleticism. She’d been a tremendous track star in her earlier days and even gave birth to him before she could head to the Olympic trials. It makes perfect sense for her to have believed in him when he assured her that he was going to be an NFL player when he was about eight years old.

“Mrs. Van Norman. It’s nice to meet you.” I released his hand and immediately reached for hers.

“Please call me Heather and it’s so nice to meet you. We’re huge fans. We all love you in our house.” If I were their complexion, I’m sure my cheeks would be the color of apples right now.

“Thank you so much.”

“Oh no, I have to thank you. You know, he’s a grown man but he’s also my baby and whenever he is or feels attacked, it feels like it’s coming down on me too. I have never heard anyone outside of friends and family speak as highly of him as you did and it caused such a shift in the way that he is reported on nowadays. He can be a knucklehead and all is fair when he’s having one of those moments, but it really does feel like he’s being given a fair chance to be himself without hell to pay for it.” I’m not a mother, but I can imagine what it feels like to turn on your television or surf the web and see such negativity about your child all over the place. It’s even worse when the negativity stems from situations that aren’t crimes. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing when I sounded off about him, but to hear the manner in which it comforted his mother means quite a bit to me.

“There’s no need to thank me for that, really. The one thing that the naysayers cannot negate is his talent. When he’s on the field, he performs. Everything else is just noise. I believe you birthed a once in a lifetime talent.”

“Thank you.” He voiced the answer for the both of them. She’d been too wrapped up in a huge smile to do so before him.

“So, I’m sure you’ve done a million of these. I’m only going to ask you a couple of questions. It’s a short segment. Anything off limits?” Usually, a manager or an agent would approach me prior to any interview and run down a list of details that are off limits. It’s a power move to make sure whoever they’re representing doesn’t have to face the music when asked a difficult question. If you’re smart, you’ll figure out a way to work around it or rework questions to the point of them telling on themselves.

“Nothing is barred. I’m cool with whatever you want to ask.”

“Oh yeah? So, I can ask about your girlfriends?” A light joke for what is sure to be a lighthearted dialogue between the two of us.

“I don’t have any, but you can ask. I don’t mind.” His broadly built shoulders shrugged while a smirk tugged on his lips.

“Is he telling the truth Heather?”

“I suppose so. I haven’t met anyone just yet. I’m waiting on it though. There’s going to have to be a point in time when someone comes to take over and take care of him.”

“You trying to get rid of me?” He glanced over his shoulder at his mom. I hope to muster up enough courage to ask her about her skincare routine because she has a glow that’s stunning.

“Of course not, but it’s the circle of life my child.”

As the room began to clear, I offered him the seat directly across from my own. I looked on, in observation of his body language. That’s the first marker of whether you’re going to have a smooth or difficult time. He chose to sit upright, with credence, and yet his back rested against the chair in an eased manner. Interestingly, he chose to mirror my actions by glancing over my frame to read me. The odd prickling in the nape of my neck that slowly spread all over was a sign that he’s doing a better job than I am.

“All set.”

It’s go time. This is my field and I’m the quarterback here.

“Welcome back to the Sports Haven. I’m Sarai Nazaire and we’re here with All Pro New York Giants wide receiver, Odell Beckham Jr. Odell, welcome to the show.” Much like our greeting earlier, we shook hands for the sake of the camera.

“Thank you for having me.”

“Now, you’re entering your fourth season with the Giants organization. You guys are coming off of a season where it all seemed to be gelling together towards the second half and that led to a playoff run which ended up being cut short by the Greenbay Packers. What are you most looking forward to going into this season?”

“Winning. I know it sounds cliché because that’s what everyone wants to do, but it really is what I’m looking forward to. It was disappointing to lose in the way that we did. It was a blowout but it just served as fuel for me in the off season. I went harder in everything, honestly. I took some for myself but even in the midst of that, I just worked.”

“Did that loss also cause you to have a hatred of boats?” I had to ask and thankfully, he took it in jest. The infamous photograph of a number of the Giants ballers and Trey Songz hanging out on a yacht in Miami just days before that Greenbay game instantly became a media sensation once they lost. The memes and blame game were non-stop for days. If I were them, I don’t know if I’d want to see another boat again let alone be on one.

“No, I still like boats. I spent time on a boat or two during this summer.”

“But given that you’re on this superstar level, you know that it comes with you living your life under a microscope more than most people do including many of your teammates. So how are you handling that now? For most people, it digs under their skin and it’s understandably so. I know you’ve had your moments of frustration. Unfortunately, it’s not something that’s not going to change. All good comes with bits of ugliness, right?”

“Right. One of the things I’m doing is trying to stay out of the microscope. I’ve found myself spending a lot more time at home and away from anything that draws too much attention to me. It’s been different but in a good way. It feels good to be able to comfortably strip away the guard that you have to keep up because of that microscope. Also, I’ve really taught myself not to take things so personally. I play a position in a sport and it comes with all of that, so I had to realize that it’s not so much of an attack on me and even if it is, it all really stems from that position. I can’t allow that to dictate how I live my life or have my happiness.”

“And you had that awakening during this off season?”

“Yeah. I spent a lot of time reflecting and dealing with a lot of emotions that I’ve never felt before and even some pain that I’ve never felt before. Some of it involved football and there were things that didn’t. I had to sort that out and it did a lot of good for me.” I’m always impressed when I hear athletes speak on their mental health. The world views them as figures who play a sport for a living and earns far more money than they deserve to have simply for being entertainers. The majority of them make more money than the doctors who repair them after injury, which can be quite mind boggling when you think about it. Because of that, spectators believe they’re entitled to dictate the manner in which these people live their lives, the way in which they speak, and the level that they believe each and every one of them should be performing at on the field day after day. People wave the entitlement flag at them when they’re not being puppets on a string and never once take the time out to think about the emotional strain the pressure of impressing an entire public of people can put on a person. I’ve had many conversations, off the record, with athletes who have admitted they’ve fell out of love with the sport they play and represent because of the unnecessarily harsh scrutiny and relentless pressure.

“Do you feel like there are people who want you to fail?

“That comes with the territory. There are a lot of people who do, but it’s fuel for me. It serves as motivation for me to continuing grinding and moving forward for those who do support and believe in me. They’re the most important to me. I meet so many people who tell me that I inspire them to be great. On Instagram I see and sometimes I meet kids who go to their barbers and get the dye and haircut done. I can’t let down everyone who buys a jersey to represent me. After what you said about me, I can’t let you down either.” I held my breath as a faint fluttering filled my core and my body’s response was to reposition itself in the seat. My follow up question instantly became stuck in my throat.

“How does this new found inner peace contribute to the up and coming season and to the Giants locker room? How has Odell improved?”

“I’ve become a better route runner and catcher, but I think the most important part that I needed and have become is a better teammate and listener. I’m giving more and putting more into everything. I can feel it in my conditioning, I put it to the test at training camp, and I’m assured in what I intend to bring to the field this season. I’m excited.”

“I’ve been looking into the offense. There’s Brandon Marshall and your young tight end. Sterling Shepard is looking good. I think you guys have a good season ahead of you.”

“Yeah, the defense has always been there, so it’s up to us to get the job done and I think we’re in a pretty good position. We learned from that disappointment at the top of the year.”

“I’m looking forward to it Beckham.”

“You have to come to a game then. Not as an analyst though, just as a normal citizen coming out to enjoy some Sunday night football.” My laughter infectiously sparked his own fit of giggles and the smile that remained on his face warmed my soul like a ray of sunshine. Does this happen with everyone who sits across from him? How the hell does anyone stay angry with this guy?

“That sounds like a plan. I’m about twenty minutes from the stadium.

“And you have to wear this.” I hadn’t even noticed there was a jersey hanging behind his chair. What made me roar in laughter wasn’t the jersey, but the fact that the numbers were in snakeskin. I’ve been gifted many jerseys but I’ve never seen one customized like that. It’s interesting looking in a good way. I’d wear that as a cute top for a chill outing with friends if the circumstances were different.

“I’ve seen a lot of football jerseys but with snakeskin? Never. Thank you.” I held it up for the camera to see for the sake of good TV and placed it across my lap.

“You’re welcome.”

“Odell, it’s always a pleasure to have you up here. You have to come back soon. I wish you all the best on this up and coming season.”

“Thank you, Sarai.” Yet again, we shook hands and I held up the jersey once more before we officially wrapped.

I’m usually a bit more courteous in the way I send guests off before disappearing into my dressing room, but my goodbye was brief and my heel clad feet couldn’t move fast enough to escape the odd tension in the room. I’ve never wanted him to feel like he owes it to me to be nicer than necessary because I said a couple of decent words about him. While I don’t believe that he has any ulterior motives, I do wonder if there’s this sense of sympathy for the manner in which it worked for and against me. I don’t want to be Odell Beckham Jr.’s charity case because he isn’t mine and he certainly wasn’t that day either. I did my job as an analyst; nothing more or less.

Though she insisted on meeting him, Annagjid left for a weekend at home in Philadelphia but made sure to send me a text message ogling over the way Beckham’s sweatpants hugged his thighs throughout the interview. I’m thankful she’s gone, because if given the opportunity, she would have audaciously told him what I read in that message and it would have been the reason I combusted into a pillar of dust out of sheer embarrassment. With that segment done and no Podcast episodes needing to be recorded today, I can get started on my weekend. I’m not only going to grab a bottle of red wine on my way home, but I’m leaving my favorite spirit shop with two. Once I have my take out ordered, I’ll curl up on the floor in front of my living room table a la Olivia Pope and skim through whatever the premium networks are offering OnDemand. I’m behind on Homeland. Then again, I’m way behind on House of Cards, so a lonesome Netflix and chill sounds much better.

“Come in!” My heels were idly lying next to my chair. I walking out of here in Converses. The bougie can go for the week. Street chic is where it’s at.

“Sarai?”

I’m convinced I’m suffering a karma for something that I don’t quite remember doing or the universe is trolling the shit out of me. Whichever way you put it, over the course of these last seven days, all of the silent and yet minimal requests I’ve had for God and my subconscious have not only been the opposite, but have also been a ferocious time frame of mental gymnastics.

“Beckham. What’s up?” With no hesitation, he stepped inside and closed the door behind himself. The oxygen supply is diminishing as we speak.

“About those tickets. Look.” There were two of them in his hand.

“You never said anything about tickets.” He didn’t. He only encouraged me to come out and support the team. I figured it was in jest.

“How could I invite you to a game and not have tickets for you? These are for the Philly game. We play the Cowboys during week one and the Lions during week two, but I feel like our Philly games are super competitive and fun to watch. It’s the better choice.”

“At home or in Philly? You really didn’t have to do this.” And he shouldn’t have. It’ll only worsen the claim that I baby him and deliberately overlook his transgressions because I have a soft spot for the young players. I never want to be differentiated based upon gender but it’s the way of life and I get the short end of the stick depending upon what I say and who it’s in reference to. It goes beyond people questioning my job and instead, they question my character. My credentials are online for all to see and yet I still am accused of fucking my way to the top. Gossip blogs have connected my pussy to every athlete that has stood within five feet of me and I don’t personally know any of them beyond the former ones I work alongside five days a week. My dating life is endlessly analyzed though the only thing I’m in a relationship with has batteries and sits inside of my bedside drawer. I don’t know what narrative will be painted if a camera catches me at one of this man’s games and I don’t want to know. I’m looking forward to the day when I’m no longer identified by his story. I’d like to think he’s just as sick of seeing my name synonymous with his in the headlines.

“In Philly. I can get you a ride out there if you need one.

“I’m sure that I can manage. I don’t have a car, but I’m looking into a couple of Mercedes Benz dealerships in New Jersey so that I can finally get the car that I’ve been eyeing.”

“What kind? My guy Phil Campbell manages the inventory in both Manhattan and Paramus. I can reach out to him for you. He’s a cars guy, believe me when I tell you. He’ll get you right for sure.

“Nothing too special. Just an A-Class sedan for now. My pockets aren’t as deep as yours.”

“I’m still on my rookie contract. I wouldn’t say they’re that deep.” Rookie contract or not, with his Nike deal and all of the other endorsements he has, he’s a millionaire many times over already.

“Well I’ll tell you this much, my ESPN contract certainly isn’t worth ten point four million dollars.”

“It should be.” This guy. What a paradox.

“So, this Phil guy can help out?” I don’t care about cars enough to research specs and special features. “All I want is a sunroof, seat warmers for the winter, and an amazing sound system. Everything else is whatever, honesty.”

“He knows his shit. I can send him your information. Knowing him, he’ll get back in touch with you within the next hour or so.” Help is help and my pride can shrink enough to get out of the way when it comes to something that I don’t know. I’ve had my fair share of being loud and wrong and it’s not fun being the idiot in the room once it’s all said and done.

“Okay, hold on.” On my desk, I have my ESPN cards to purposelessly give out in exchange for the management or agent cards of our guests. In my wallet, I keep a few business cards where my personal phone number and e-mail are for the sake of obeying my father’s rule about a business card being “far more professional” than stating your phone number out loud while they plug it into their phone. I don’t give much of those out either. “This is my business card. My e-mail and number is there. You can give him the information whenever. I’m not in that much of a rush.”

“I’ll send it to him in a few minutes, that way you’ll be able to go over the specifics about whatever you want.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. So, about that Philly game. You’ll be there?”

“I’ll try to make it out.” I’m not going. I wish he had of gifted these to a super fan who would have loved to be in attendance.

“Okay then. I’m looking forward to seeing you there. I already helped with one part of your outfit; you just have to figure out the rest.”

“Oh, I’m supposed to be in Giants gear? What makes you so sure that I’m not an Eagles fan? It’s looking like they’re going to have a damn good season this year.”

“If you are, I intend to change your mind.”

“Hm.” The universe can kiss my black ass and it’s quite black by the way.

“I’ll see you soon Sarai Nazaire.” What’s his fascination with saying my first and last name? I’ve never met anyone who has done that and admittedly, it doesn’t roll off of anyone’s tongue in the manner that it does his. Maybe it’s the French connection in Louisiana that aids in him pronouncing it so well.

“Goodbye Beckham.”

Last Friday I had no desire to hear anything playing on the radio and yet the end of this week has John and I bopping to my best of the 90s Hip-Hop playlist on Apple Music. Who the hell wouldn’t start an eighty-seven-degree Friday off with Craig Mack’s “Flava In Ya Ear” remix and an Oreo Cookie Blizzard from the Dairy Queen? The next stop is for the wine and then I’m free to lounge in my living room in nothing more than an old t-shirt and the lace black thong covering my lower half. I may even turn my phone on “Do Not Disturb” until sometime tomorrow. Hell, is Monday morning a stretch?

The buzzing of my phone in my lap paused my backseat party and the foreign number along the screen riddled me into confusion.

You’re not an A-Class sedan type of woman. That’s not for you. An E-Class Coupe fits your mold; sophisticated, sleek, and breathtaking. If I had a say so, that’s what you’d leave the dealership with, but I don’t. Maybe you’ll take my advice? Have a great weekend Sarai Nazaire.

My eyes panned down to observe the minor trembling of my hand and the appetizing blizzard that was now turning into a milkshake.

Or maybe I’ll throw my phone into the Hudson River.

#fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #fan fic

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monkey-network · 7 years ago

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Good Stuff’s Best of 2017

WARNING: I’d like to thank everybody who was here for me when times were low. Thank you, take care out there, and enjoy.

Cartoons; the one thing that I will continuously watch until I go blind. 2017 was an emotional handful and an exhausting trudge, can’t deny that, and I’m counting down the best cartoons/animations I’ve seen and loved this year in no particular order. Only two rules, no sneak previews of future projects (sorry to Unikitty and Hideo Kojima). Here we go....

10. HANAZUKI: FULL OF TREASURES

This was a sleeper hit tbh. The fact all the episodes were free on Youtube blew my mind, but having a well structured story with a lovely cold space color palette, actually relatable characters, and a sinister undertones below its tender, colorful charm to be as a nice headliner to when Friendship is Magic came back in spring. It was an inviting start for the year, and with the guy behind Motorcity and Superjail taking the helm and having two more seasons being produced, Hanazuki is something I find is in good hands come 2018.

9. LITTLE WITCH ACADEMIA

Four long years. I waited FOUR long goddamn years...and fuck me was it worth it. A spectacle is what I can call Little Witch Academia. Almost every episode dazzled me with its stage made bravado and confidence that always made me say, “Okay. Let’s make it til’ the next week”. Even when things got serious, LWA knew how to have fun and make the most of its concept. There is a sense of predictability sometimes, but the series would still throw you some good curve balls to never lose your interest. What did lose my interest was Netflix’s sorry excuse of a dub. The movies: fine. But Netflix, try that again, with any other anime, and I will rip your nuts off.

8. Now I might be cheating here since it’s not a cartoon, but shit it might as well have been

CUPHEAD

The effort that went into this is phenomenal, beyond the many other games of the year no doubt. While not everything is animated, I could tell they were cutting corners in some areas, the frame BY frame animated enemies, bosses, and effects made this one of the most visually colorful and alive games to date, next to Mario Odyssey. Not only was this game a frustrating yet joyous romp to start and finish, but the music and art flawlessly channeled the essence of a time where the word “cartoon” was only starting to make good progress. My favorite character would have to be Satan King Dice, whom is an animated homage to great musician and composer Cab Calloway. His stache, his clothing, even his Cheshire grin captured the cool, jazzy vibe Calloway always provided in his performances. He and his fight was the highlight of Cuphead for me and I hope this game, if a sequel isn’t possible, is well remembered for its unexpected excellence in how a video game can look.

7. CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS/L-EGGO BATMAN

Faithful is what I can describe these two. Captain Underpants was just an awesome book to elementary schooler me, but to see a well animated, well written movie about a dude in his underwear was nothing short of a simple yet powerful masterpiece. As for Batman, this is one of the three truest DC and Batman movies around this time, and it has a gay undertone with Batman and the Joker’s relationship (how can you not pull that off, Suicide Squad?). While not a big fan of lego myself, The Lego Movie put my faith WB making another one equally as good, and they did not disappoint. It’s a shame it got snubbed at the Golden Globes, it deserves the award more than the Boss Baby. Plus it had a Superman that didn’t bore me while having a terrible CGI lip job that’s only made worse by his two way dick nose....

Justice League costed 300,000,000 dollars.............

6. DANGER & EGGS

To me, this series felt like one of the few steps forward the world took to make the LGBT+ community feel more welcome and inspired in public outlets; a small step, but progressive none the less. It is a colorful and lively action comedy, a first to be created by a transgender person, where you can see a non-binary character, a pride fest, diverse background characters of orientation and ethnicity, and it feels like they are a part of the world and not footnotes that states that you should respect queer, bi, ace, and so on based on a say so. It’s a show don’t tell type of series and it brightened my summer before I had to remind myself that college exists and is expecting me.

5. TANGLED: THE SERIES

*ring ring* “Hello?” Ye, Disney? How fucking dare you?

My hype for this was undoubtful. I love Tangled the movie, I consider it one of my favorite 2010 disney flics beside Wreck it Ralph and Moana. And when the art style was up for a preview for this (?), I just sat and waited until it finally premiered and damn. I never stopped loving it, but it is until episode 16 where the series starts to hit high note after high note with the direction it’s going for the story. The fact that this all takes place not long after the movie makes the thought where Eugene and Rapunzel finally get married feels all the more earned. It’s working its way to a happily ever after, I adore this show, and this makes me appreciate Frozen a bit more for how far that’s fallen in the world after its one year of fame. Seriously, Gigantic had to get chopped, but Olaf can still live? Give me a break, Disney.

“Sir, I understand your enthusiasm....but this is Domino’s.” Then I will have the 5.99 large with Salchicha and pepperoncini with a liter sprite on delivery.

4. MADE IN ABYSS

This was so beautiful, so awesome, and much better than...

I wasted my life and I cannot say that I will ever reclaim that time proactively again the Anime

Made in Abyss is like Hunter x Hunter except Gon’s more booksmart and Kilua’s a timid robot. The bond between Riko and Reg was a fucking dynamic and heartfelt where Riko’s helps build Reg up and Reg kept Riko and himself safe with his bodily arsenal. That and this series has the best world building where they not only give the low down on almost everything about the titular abyss, but the atmospheric environments and the designs of the inhabiting creatures made this a unique world to want to explore myself. It knew what to show, and knew what to share. When things got serious, I actually tensed up at the thought of shit truly going down; they knew how to soften the terror while maniacally instill fear in us for the safety of the traveling kids. I want to recommend this link to an awesome breakdown of how great Made in Abyss was. However, as it seems that a season two has gone down the abyss as well, and I’m afraid it can’t come back up.

3. LET’S BE HEROES!!

Is it safe to call this the M.U.G.E.N. of cartoons? Just an all up mashup of stuff I love in a Saturday morning? Campy, action, and laid back, this is something I can be sober or grab some kush and I would be enjoy the show just the same. They even have references you might not have ever heard of, but might like the search. OK KO’s a popcorn cartoon, it’s not for everybody, but it established itself well into the modern CN era when Adventure Time finally has to move on.

2. SAMURAI JACK

Getting this out of the way: episode 6 toiled the final season of Samurai Jack for me. Not gonna go into detail, but if that episode was remade, I would have been more satisfied looking back. However, that does not stop me from saying this is how a revival should be, this is how a reboot should work, THIS is how you can bring nostalgia back. Samurai Jack was great back then, but this season, wrapping up the loose plight of our boy trying to get back to the past and defeat the demon Aku, was satisfactory to many fans. Even those who’ve never heard or remember Jack could just enjoy this as a dynamic mini-series; it gives you context of what happened before without having to recap the original plot of it. For non fans, it’s mostly about an ageless samurai, longing to return to his own time, stuck in the future for over 50 years to the point of losing his honor and his mind. It’s a binge worthy 10 episode season, originally intended to be a movie, and aside from polar opinionated finale, this made Samurai Jack feel great to love again.

1. TRUE AND THE RAINBOW KINGDOM

This is a personal choice from me because 2017 was an honest to god terrible year for me; nothing but turmoil, season to season, and the struggle to cope with that despair in a way I felt actually could help. However, this small series here boosted my spirits because even with it being a show for little kids that I originally wanted to watch as a joke, the competent, enthusiastic spirit it had just moved me in a way that cartoons that I love for eons could only try to do on a whim. It’s not the best made cartoon, it’s not something I sincerely recommend to you all, but it helped me realize that the best thing about life is finding and seeking things that don’t just distract you from the hard and testing times reality puts on you, but gives you a moment of honest bliss and happiness that can influence your outlook on looking forward to better things because things like this, cartoons like this, CAN make you feel better.

*sniff* Which is why, the actual cartoon of the year....

1. is STEVEN U., BABY!

Just kidding, guys! You will NEVER win, Steven!

TEEN TITANS GO! WINS IT AGAIN, BABYYYY! ONCE AGAIN BABY (i don’t even like it no more...), YOUR NEW FAVORITE SHOW (i don’t even fucking like it no...) RISES TO THE TO-

But Steven Universe in Space, though. That’s when it’ll be great again.

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noelmu · 6 years ago

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WEEK(S) IN REVIEW 6/3/18-6/30/18

Longtime readers of this Tumblr know that last summer was an unusually active one for my household. In addition to the usual camps for our kids, Archer and I went to Orlando with his high school choir for a week (visiting every Disney park plus Universal), and later the four of us took a cruise to the Bahamas (including a port visit to the Atlantis water park). This summer -- again, camps aside -- we’ve had too many work and family obligations to range as far as we did a year ago. But we wanted to maintain some of 2016′s momentum: taking long family trips that involve just the four of us, and indulging Archer’s newfound fascination with rollercoasters and Cady Gray’s love of waterslides.

So this past week we spent a few days in Arlington, TX, which is about a six-hour drive from Conway, AR. We stayed at a nice hotel on a trolley line to our three planned activities: a Texas Rangers game on Tuesday night, a day at Six Flags Over Texas on Wednesday, and Six Flags Hurricane Harbor on Thursday. It was a great trip. Fun times and some genuine adventure. Experiences the kids will remember... which is the whole point.

I don’t know how much of this Archer and Cady Gray have noticed, but for me part of what’s stood out both with last year’s cruise and this year’s amusement park trip is how many families of different racial, ethnic, and social backgrounds we’ve met and chatted with. We have this in common: We’ve all saved our money and spent months planning, so that for a week each summer, we can relax, have fun, and make memories.

I don't know the political inclinations of any of the people we've casually befriended over these past two summers. Some probably share our views. Some might think less of us if they knew how we vote. But during the few days that our lives overlap and we pass each other in the lobbies and elevators, what matters is: What did you do today? How was it? Did your kids have fun?

During our week in Texas, the daily news wasn’t great. I was grateful that for much of the week I was screaming my head off on a coaster or a slide, away from social media for hours at a time. I’m not the first to make this observation, but I increasingly feel that Twitter isn't healthy, either for individuals or for society at large. For much of the past two years, my feed has been one long, angry howl of despair.

I’m sympathetic to the howlers. They’re not using Twitter to crowdsource solutions to our problems; they’re more like C.S. Lewis in the movie Shadowlands, telling a friend that he doesn’t pray to God looking for answers, but rather, “I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God, it changes me.”

Still, even if Twitter gives the frustrated a necessary outlet to vent, it’s more exhausting than therapeutic to scroll through it, all day long. When every viral controversy is greeted with maximum outrage -- regardless of whether or not it actually merits just a mlld rebuke or a righteously angry rejection -- it weighs on the reader.

So it’s good to get offline for a while, and spend time around real people, who in person tend to be much friendlier -- especially in an amusement park. If nothing else, on a coaster with a drop as steep as the Titan’s or the New Texas Giant’s, at least we’re all hollering in the same direction.

Anyway, onto this month’s links! After a slow spring (due in part to a lot of travel and family obligations), this summer’s becoming blessedly busy. There are quite a few pieces below I’m really happy with: my review of the Mr. Rogers doc, my interview with Billy Bob Thornton, and my essay about “nice” reality competitions like Great British Baking Show in particular. Click and support, so we can afford to go on vacation again next summer.

The A.V. Club Movie Review: The Mr. Rogers documentary Won’t You Be My Neighbor? is a tearjerker with a purpose

The Los Angeles Times Movie Review: Cop and drug dealer team in smooth Korean action flick Believer Movie Review: The Nicolas Cage police thriller 211 can't match his intensity Movie Review: Katee Sackhoff stands up for humanity in 2036 Origin Unknown Movie Review: Sex-tinged melodrama Affairs of State mirrors real politics Movie Review: Mike Tyson fighting Steven Seagal is a mere sideshow in the strange action flick China Salesman Movie Review: Korean comedy The Accidental Detective 2: In Action is a smooth, if unmemorable, ride Movie Review: Christina Ricci excels in otherwise dull thriller Distorted Movie Review: The Icarus Line Must Die maintains its punk rock cred New In Home Entertainment: Love, Simon and Year of Spectacular Men New In Home Entertainment: Unsane may be shot on an iPhone, but it's a slick paranoid thriller

Rolling Stone 10 Best TV Shows From 2018 (So Far) That You Should Be Watching 50 Greatest Comedies of the 21st Century ( I wrote about State and Main, Love & Friendship, and Enough Said)

The Verge Cut The Crap: Netflix’s Before I Wake is the perfect film to stream after seeing Hereditary Cut The Crap: After The Incredibles 2, watch this Venture Bros. episode Cut The Crap: Caught up on Westworld? Here’s why you should watch Humans

Vulture Interview: Billy Bob Thornton on Goliath and Why TV Is the New Indie Film TV Review: Yellowstone Season 1 Episode 1: In a Big Country TV Review: Yellowstone Season 1 Episode 2: Boys Will Be Boys

The Week Reality TV is getting nice Hereditary is the best scary movie of the year

#Week In Review

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gfriendlighting460 · 3 years ago

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Dating Sites With Trans Option

Brook Shelley’s previous work for The Toast can be found here, and our previous coverage of trans* issues can be found here.

Hearing about people being afraid of or not open to dating a trans person is just one reason why it is so hard to date as a trans person. And even though I have heard it many times before, it is still hard to confront. I looked at eight popular dating sites to see which are the most gender inclusive. Dating only trans people, at least here in my local community, do not seem like a realistic option since we are too few. Finding the right person would be next to impossible. Well, that was my 2 cents on that. I,m actually surprised by the comments so far. TRANSGENDER, PANSEXUAL, LESBIAN, GAY, GENDER-FLUID, Bi-SEXUAL & NON-BINARY DATING SITE & SUPPORT. We are a Transgender, Pansexual, Lesbian, Gay, Gender-fluid, Bi-sexual & Non-Binary dating site where you can find support, make friends, talk to others about their journey, look for love and so much more. Reddit’s r/t4t subreddit is essentially a personals-style online dating forum for transgender people. While it’s not as detailed as more established trans dating sites, this subreddit is designed.

Welcome to lesbian trans womanhood. I know, we aren’t supposed to say that. Welcome anyway. Let’s assume you know two things: that you are a woman, and that you like other women. Good. That’s a fine place to start. Follow along, and we will get you from this humble beginning, to being a real-live dater.

Take a deep breath. Ready?

1. First, lower your expectations. Whatever you think might happen in the next few paragraphs, or in the next few months, expect less.

Dating Sites With Trans Options

This isn’t in reference to any particular difficulty facing trans women, though there are many; it is always helpful to lower your expectations. Low expectations mean high excitement at small success.

For example, if you expect to dance alone at a bar, you will be thrilled to find that someone beautiful is dancing with you. Repeat as needed.

2. Next, create an online dating profile. OkCupid, Match, or Tinder; it doesn’t really matter where, but you’ll need one. This is how you meet shy lesbians. You may be shy yourself. This could be the best place for you.

3. Spend quite a bit of time agonizing over the photos and your description and hobbies. Be clever. Be charming. Ask a few close friends, “would you theoretically date me based on this profile?” Hear them laugh a little. Tell them, “No, I’m serious. Is any of this good?”

4. Take their advice. If they have no advice, find some other friends. Without them, you will end up posting a photo with kale in your teeth, or where there is clearly a dog using the restroom in the background. You will not notice this on your own.

5. While you wait for responses, go find the queerest bar nearby. Attend events specifically targeted towards lesbians like you. Dance. Get used to dancing. The music will likely not be great. Get used to a mix of pop hits, Shakira, and Bikini Kill. Don’t try to explain why Kathleen Hanna is problematic while dancing.

6. Wonder, “why do so many of these girls have bow-ties on?”

There is no answer.

7. Assume they must not be able to take them off. Do not offer to help them take their bow-ties off. Just dance away.

8. Flirt. Often.

9. Hone your ability to turn a conversation into a fun tête-à-tête. Read the face and responses of the other people. Assume that at any moment, they might sour, and you will need to disengage. Be lighthearted. Be friendly. Don’t press anyone, and focus on enjoying yourself. Cool people enjoy themselves. Cool people are definitely not sweating horribly, right now, as they dance around the room, hoping for a match. When someone asks how you are doing, never mention the harassment, mis-gendering, or stress you’re going through. They don’t actually want to know that stuff yet. Talk to your aforementioned friends about those.

10. Hear, “wow, you’re tall,” at most of these events. Kiss a few people, gently. Brace yourself for the inevitable pre-hookup question or revelation about your body or identity. Practice explaining why “biological woman” is ridiculous. Use lines like “Of course I’m a biological woman, and not a cyber woman… or a giant snake.” At no point be seen unhinging your jaw to devour a goat.

Also try, “Hi, this is how my body works… and this is what I like.”

11. Be prepared for some rejection at this point. Practice your smile and, “Ok, that’s fine, I had fun,” response to “I can’t sleep with you now,” or “I’m just not attracted to (your genitals),” or “I’m a gold star lesbian, I can’t sleep with you.” You may also hear, “you’re so brave.”

12. Find ways to forgive them in your heart for being such shitheels.

13. Be surprised when not everyone rejects you. Bask in the glow of reciprocal attraction when it does occur – it may be rare. You may want to high-five the women who are still attracted to you, regardless of what you discuss. Resist. High-fives are firmly in second date territory.

14. Check your phone. Oh, your mom called. Call your mom back. Remind her that you won’t be meeting any nice boys because you are a lesbian. Yes, you might want to settle down. No, there’s not much going on lately. Yes, you’re really a lesbian. No, this isn’t a phase. Yes, you did get the dress she sent… it’s… nice. Tell her you love her. Hang up.

15. Check your phone again. There sure are a lot of biologists on your online dating site.

How’d they get access to my karyotype? Did they take a blood sample?

What’s that game? You know the one… Where complete strangers ask you about your genitals? https://gfriendlighting460.tumblr.com/post/655947581619388416/dating-anyone-in-carrboro-nc. You’ll be playing this whether you like it or not a lot more often now. It is not possible to win this game.

Does Tinder Have A Trans Option

16. Use some of your flirting skills from being at the bar while you are online. Realize those skills don’t translate. A lot of people online are too shy to go out, so they will not know how to respond to you. You may be seen as forward, or at least not shy enough. Carry on.

17. Talk about books. Talk about food. Talk about anything but how you’ll probably never meet up, and if you do, there won’t be a second date. There often isn’t a second date.

18. Get ready to hear a lot of very surface-level readings of Judith Butler. Take heed that many of your fellow women have taken exactly one women’s and gender studies course in college, and “know all about being transgendered.” (sic) Be prepared to hear girls talk about how they’re “not really feminists, because they like to have fun.” Feel free to shake your head and pour a drink. Get better at reading through their answers to weed out the ubiquitous racism, transmisogyny, littering, and incompatible goals. Remember that you don’t have to settle.

19. You should probably have a pet. I should have said this at the beginning. Choose: cat or dog. Go adopt your choice animal. Start at the top. I can wait. You may be alone for a while.

20. Find a partner or dater. At some point, you will succeed. You will feel like you won the lesbian lottery. You will be elated in your heart that someone cares about you, and wants to kiss you… like more than once a week. High fives may be appropriate at this point.

These dating sites aren’t just for women either. The detailed description of the freebie is published on the blog. Find society & people themes in the same name category at Template/p Read More. JerkBoy – This app has been called the most honest, accurate dating service out there. It’s a tool for users to showcase. 18-25 years old; 26-39 years old and looking for short-term fun; 26-39 years old and looking for girlfriend material; 40+ years old; The Best Dating Apps For Men Ages 18 To 25 1. Tinder is the most popular dating app in the US. You probably have a buddy who met his girlfriend on it. Step further like for example most dating websites, if you want to actually communicate with other members then you need to subscribe to a membership and you get full benefits of the website. If you're serious then out of those 3 go with Match. You will definitely get hit up, probably too many to count and you'll most likely make a ton of guys wonder why girls never respond hahaha. Dating was created and is run by Dan and a group year techies who truly care about what they do. Security and privacy dating top olds at Teens Town, which is why the olds verifies every member and ensures dating no adult content shows up on the site. Teens Town also every to help you have fun and connect with your fellow teens. ★★★★★ Match.com 4.8/5.0. Our expert ratings are based on factors such as. Best dating websites for 19 year olds.

21. Prepare yourself for anyone you date to be called a chaser. It doesn’t matter if they actually care about you for who you are as a person, there are many who enjoy distilling you to your transgender history. Gird your loins against the barbs flung at you and your partner. Learn to laugh, and to cry. Embrace being a really hot lesbian with a super amazing girlfriend. It’s pretty great.

22. Laugh to yourself at all the ridiculously sad people who would want to hurt you and your partner. Try to not be burned by them with every single uneducated, casual insult. It will sting, but you can be strong.

23. But, most of all, have fun! Being a lesbian trans woman is probably the best thing in the world. Be proud of yourself. Be excited. You get to kiss other girls.

Elite dating site. Questions about online dating? Enjoy our ultimate online dating guide; Interracial Dating. If there were previously stereotypes, preconceptions or presumptions about interracial dating, these outdated attitudes are transforming as more and more American singles are seeking partners from other ethnic groups, and couples’ relationships no longer being defined along racial lines. It’s fair to say that our interracial dating community represents the enlightened majority in American society. A Gallup poll in 2013 found that 96% of black people and 84% of white people approve marriage between blacks and whites. This means that 87% of Americans overall see no problem with black-white marriage, up from a meager 4% in 1958 1. Interracial dating: meeting singles serious about love. According to Statistics Canada, the number of long-term Canadian couples in partnerships that can be described as mixed unions has doubled over the last 20 years. 1 For those in lesbian relationships or gay. Interracial dating in SA: meet singles who suit you. When you search for interracial dating sites it can be tough to find supportive platforms that encourage long-term commitment. At EliteSingles, however, we cater for South African men and women who desire more from love; making us the dating site to use if you’re looking for compatible. Interracial dating: meeting singles serious about love. According to the Office of National Statistics, almost one in 10 people living in Britain is married to or living with someone from outside their own ethnic group. Clearly, there are single men and women in the UK for whom interracial dating.

Brook is a queer trans woman living in Portland who hangs out with her cat, and does all manner of technical magic for a software company. She travels as often as possible, and can often be found on her couch, reading and enjoying a cider.

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chasholidays · 7 years ago

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Happy holiday season I guess?? As always, thanks for doing these! I love your writing so much. I'd love an alternate POV of The Nature of My Game.

Original fic here!

The first time Bellamy thinks about going into Flower Hour, it’s the week The Force Awakens comes out, when the sign is, for once, not names that will never be his, and is instead something that might apply. But If your favorite Star Wars character is LEIA, come inside for a free flower! must go up on a weekend, because he didn’t see it and there’s no way they just didn’t feature her as a potential favorite. He refuses to believe Leia was just skipped.

Most days, he checks the sign out of idle curiosity. He knows, with absolute certainty, that he will never walk past and find that his name is on the sign, but he still finds it kind of fun to what they have put up. There’s generally some cool letting and decoration, and it’s not like it’s hard to see the sign. It’s just this idle thing. He doesn’t expect to ever interact with it, not unless they do another “if your favorite X is Y” kind of deal because, again, Bellamy is never going to make it onto whatever random name generator they’re using for this. And he doesn’t ever plan on needing flowers, so, yeah. Just a weird diversion.

But then, one morning in February, he’s going to school early to do retests, and he sees a cute girl in a knitted beanie doing touch-ups on the sign, which has been on a Hamilton theme all week. And, okay, he’s not completely shallow, but he was already curious, so if he can strike up a conversation with a cute girl and find out more about the sign, that’s definitely a win.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t actually have a plan for the conversation, which is how, once he gets back to the store after work and finds the same cute girl behind the register, he ends up saying, “I have a complaint about your sign.”

She cocks her head, frowning a little. “Which one? I have a lot of signs.”

“The one outside. If your name is Angelica–”

“That was my first guess.” She straightens up, becoming visibly more professional as he watches. “What’s the complaint?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I like the Hamilton theme. But you know how much those signs suck for people who don’t have common names? Or, even worse, people who have common names, but don’t have common names in the US.”

She thinks this over for a second. “My name is Clarke. With an e at the end. So I get some of that. Not the non-US names, but still. Did you have a suggestion, or do you just like complaining?”

It’s a valid question. “I do like complaining. How do you pick the names?” he asks, mostly to make conversation. “I know it’s not Hamilton every week.”

“How long has this been building?”

“You’re on the way to the train station.” She seems more annoyed than upset, so it feels fairly safe to add, “And I named my little sister and then spent my entire childhood getting blamed for how she could never find anything with her name on it at souvenir shops.”

“What’s her name?”

“Octavia.”

“Oh, wow, yeah. That one never hit my radar, honestly.”

“I bet you’re out of Bort license plates too,” he says without thinking, but she gets the reference and laughs. Which is nice. Clarke-with-an-e is getting cuter by the minute, and she might not even find his attempts to make conversation completely awful. Weird names apparently isn’t as terrible a conversation starter as he thought.

“I don’t think there’s any natural way I can use Octavia for my giveaway without looking like I’m specifically targeting your sister. Is she local? Is she cute? Would she appreciate it?”

He makes a mental note that she seems to be interested in women, which doesn’t mean she can’t be interested in him, but he shouldn’t assume she is. Not that he’s really expecting it to go anywhere anyway, but it’s a good thing to keep in mind. “She’s got a boyfriend, so I don’t think there’s much point in you trying to lure her in with a free flower. But if they ever break up, I’ll let you know.”

“So your outrage is theoretical,” she says, and he nearly laughs.

“You haven’t hit my name yet either. I doubt you’re going to.”

“What is it?”

“That would be telling.”

She gives him a somewhat patronizing smile. “That’s exactly what it would be, yeah. The general response to asking is telling.”

The normal, logical thing to do would be to just tell her. She’d probably put his name up, if she has any control over the whole thing, which would be kind of cool. He wasn’t lying; he never has seen his name anywhere.

But they’ve been teasing each other, so it feels a lot more right to say, “If you find it, I’ll be sure to get my flower. But, like I said, there’s no way.”

“Well, thanks for that useful feedback, then,” says Clarke-with-an-e. “I’m looking forward to continuing to not putting your name up on my sign.”

“Me too,” he says. “Definitely the highlight of my day.”

He isn’t really expecting anything special on Monday, the start of a new theme week at best, but when he passes by late after his department meeting on Monday, he sees the name, written in the usual clear, bold hand is Rumpelstiltskin, and it feels like that has to be personal.

There’s certainly no harm in stopping by to check.

Clarke is behind the counter, looking a little bored, but she perks up at the sight of him, straightening up and grinning as if she’s been waiting. “Did I get it?” she asks.

“So close.”

“Getting warmer?”

“Much closer than any of the Schuyler sisters. Did you get anyone?” he can’t help asking. He’s sure most of her names get at least a few hits a day, but sacrificing a whole day of it to a joke seems ill-advised. Even the Hamilton names were pretty common, except for maybe Angelica and Peggy.

“For what?” she asks, confused.

“I guess any of it,” he admits. “It’s a cute gimmick, but I’m wondering how much it works.”

She leans in close, a smile lurking around her lips. “Want to know the secret?”

He mirrors the movement. “Sure.”

“It can’t fail. It creates business because it’s cute and people like coming in to talk about it,” she says, which makes him feel a little less special. Apparently he’s not the only one. “I don’t check IDs or anything; it’s worth a few free flowers.” But then she adds, “Okay, I’d check yours,” and he’s back to feeling special.

He snorts. “Hey, I haven’t been lying to you. I’m telling you things aren’t my name.”

“I’ll still want proof.”

“Yeah, okay. If you ever find my name, I’ll give you proof. Seriously, how many Rumpelstiltskins?”

“Eleven. It was a good day for me. They all thought it was hilarious. The sign is great for foot traffic.”

“Glad it’s working for you,” he says, and before he knows it, he’s a regular. He goes in once a week, chats to Clarke, finds out what the most popular names were for the week, and, when she asks, starts giving her hints about his own name.

Which is actually really fucking difficult, as it turns out. He’s never put much thought into the name Bellamy before, and now he feels as if he has to learn absolutely everything about it, which mostly just teaches him that, to the extent that Bellamy is a first name, it’s usually a woman’s first name, and Clarke is definitely never going to figure it out.

If she didn’t seem to be the most stubborn person in the entire universe, he’d consider just telling her, but he thinks if he did, she’s just be pissed at him for not giving her the chance to guess herself. Still, with the information she has–his year of birth, the etymology of the last name Bellamy, and his ethnic background–he thinks she could go for thirty years without even coming close to figuring it out.

So it’s probably good that she gets a little help.

It’s a fairly unremarkable day, just a random Sunday in March. In theory, he knew that Clarke closed early on Sundays, because he’s seen her hours in the window, but it’s not the kind of thing that he considers relevant to his life. He still hasn’t ever interacted with Clarke outside of the shop, after hours, or over the weekend, and he has no idea how to start. It seems weird to ask someone out when, after five months, she still doesn’t even know his name.

So he was not expecting to run into her at the park, especially not with Miller.

Miller only knows about Clarke because alcohol exists and Bellamy has been lamenting a little about how there is this smart, gorgeous, funny girl he’s definitely into, but does not know how to interact with further. Miller’s response to the situation is always, “I really can’t tell you anything about how to flirt with women.”

Which makes him a deeply unfortunate witness for their first non-store interaction.

It is, at least, in part Bellamy’s own fault. He’s the one who throws the frisbee in deliberately the wrong direction, and he’s the one who sees it hit the water.

They both run over to survey the damage, but Bellamy gets there first; he has to admit, he’s kind of proud.

“I got it really far, right?” he calls over his shoulder, and Miller glares.

“You’re a fucking asshole, Blake!”

“Takes one to know one, Miller,” he shoots back.

Miller catches up to him at the lake shore and shakes his head. “Dude. What the fuck.”

“It was an accident,” he lies.

Miller scowls at him. “I’m not getting it.”

“You want me to get it? I’d rather just give it up for dead. Buried at sea. Viking-style.”

“It’s my frisbee.”

“I’ll buy you a new one. It’s fucking fifty degrees. That water would give my hypothermia. You’d miss my junk if it froze off.”

In theory, he knew that other people were around, and he even noticed there was a person on the bench. He’d just sort of assumed that he didn’t know them and that they weren’t paying attention. No one is supposed to care about his shit-talking.

But then he hears Clarke says, “You’d have to stay in pretty long to get hypothermia.”

He jumps and turns, hoping against hope that he’s wrong, that he won’t actually see her there, but of course there she is, sitting on a bench with a sketchpad, smiling smugly in his general direction.

Miller loves it, of course. “Thanks for the medical advice, bench girl. See? It’s fine.”

“That’s Clarke,” he says, and adds, “She doesn’t know my name,” because that should clear it up. And prevent Miller from calling him Bellamy, as a bonus.

“Wow,” she teases. “I always wondered how you’d introduce me. That was even more awkward than I thought it would be.”

He focuses on her because he knows if he looks at Miller, he will probably just throw himself in the lake. He knew the whole Clarke thing was weird, but it was so much easier to pretend it wasn’t before anyone else was witnessing it.

So he gives her a sheepish smile and says, “Hi. Sorry about–everything about this.”

“Dude,” says Miller.

“Shut up. She runs that flower shop by the train station,” he adds, mostly so Clarke won’t think he’s been talking about her.

But this is Miller, so of course that just makes it worse. “Oh, you know he’s obsessed with your signs, right?”

Clarke grins. “Yeah, I was getting that impression.”

There’s nothing to do but try to get the conversation back on track. “So, uh, what are you doing here?”

“The correct line is Do you come here often?” says Miller.

“Go jump in the lake for your frisbee and leave us alone,” he says, glaring, and Miller actually listens. At least to the extent that he leaves, even if he doesn’t jump in the lake. So apparently his massive crush on Clarke is just as massive and obvious as he thought, and probably just as hopeless, given Miller is trying to help, for once “Sorry,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I guess I just–I didn’t think you lived around here.”

He’s not sure what he’s apologizing for, except for his entire life, but Clarke doesn’t call him out on it. “Why would I ever live close to my work? Makes no sense.”

“Assume I’m really bad at thinking through basically every interaction I’ve ever had with you.”

“I got that impression too. I’m drawing and pretending it’s warmer than it is,” she adds, scooting over on the bench in clear invitation, and he joins her.

“Yeah, we were playing frisbee and pretending it’s warmer than it is.”

“Until you threw the frisbee in the lake.”

“By accident,” he protests. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it. “Miller’s the one who didn’t catch it.”

She grins. “Clearly entirely his fault. I don’t think your junk would actually freeze off, by the way. You’d come out relatively unharmed, with all your, uh. Vital organs.”

He’s pretty sure his entire body flushes, including all of his vital organs. “I’m still sorry, by the way.”

“I’m not. It was funny.”

“I guess that’s about the best I could hope for. What are you drawing?” he adds.

“Nothing special. Just some sketches.”

“They’re really good,” he says, truthfully. “Not that I didn’t–you do the signs, and those are good, so I knew you were good.”

“You know you don’t actually have to feel weird, right?” she teases. “I’m happy to see you.”

“Yeah?”

“If I didn’t like talking to you, I definitely wouldn’t encourage you. I would have just told you I didn’t care what your name was and told you to leave.”

“That seems like bad customer service.”

“Okay, not in those exact words.” She drums her fingers on her sketchpad. “I definitely scared away the guy who gave me the idea for the if your name is sign.”

“Really?”

“He was a douchebag! Just a douchebag with a good idea. In his honor, the featured name will never be Chad. So if that was your name–”

“Definitely not Chad, no.”

She hums, noncommittal, like she doesn’t totally believe him, which he doesn’t understand until he passes the store on Monday and sees her sign: If your name is BLAKE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, come inside for a free flower!

Miller did call him Blake, now that Bellamy thinks of it. He doesn’t always, but whenever they’re doing anything even vaguely resembling a sport, Miller switches into jock mode. But she couldn’t think that’s his name. It’s so normal.

He’d been booking it to make it before she closed, and from the way her whole face lights up when she sees him, she must not have been expecting him to show up.

“I should have said, the play is kicking into high gear, so I’m going to be scarce this week,” he explains. “Probably the whole month. Play then spring break. I’m going to be a mess until April.”

“So you’re not just running away because I finally figured out your name.”

She sounds so smug, he feels bad correcting her. “Yeah, uh–that’s my last name. Sorry.”

There’s a pause as she thinks this over, finally settling on, “So, your first name is some obscure French last name, and your last name is–Blake.”

“Yup.”

“Wow.” She cocks her head. “You ever consider switching them?”

“I like my name.” He wets his lips. “You know, last name is really pretty good. That basically counts as–”

“Nope. I got a taste of power. I’m going to figure out the first name.”

“You know, I honestly believe you. Even if I’m not sure Miller calling me Blake counts as figuring it out,” he can’t help teasing. She’s so competitive, it’s impossible not to bait her.

“You didn’t tell me. So it counts. Blake,” she adds, thoughtful. “Something Blake.”

“Something Blake,” he confirms. “Getting closer and closer.”

She waits until the play is over before she does a French last names theme week, which is so hilarious he can’t help stopping by on a Saturday, for the first time ever, just to see what she throws up. It’s busier than it usually is when he comes in, not shockingly, and Clarke doesn’t even notice him until he’s been browsing for ten minutes.

“Your name isn’t actually Mercier, is it?”

“No. But you know I don’t always come by on weekends, right? You could get it and we’d never know.”

“I was going to tell you on Monday.”

“I feel like it doesn’t count if I don’t see it. What’s tomorrow?”

“Lefevre.”

“I can confirm none of those are my name. Have you gotten any Merciers? Are people still coming in?”

“I’ve mostly gotten last names, and I’ll give flowers for last names.” She leans on the counter. “Almost recovered from the play?”

“Almost. Just in time for spring break.”

“Which is a bad thing.”

“It’s going to be fun, we’re going to Italy. But I’m going to want to murder the kids after about six hours.”

She hums, thoughtful. “I’d probably put up with a bunch of kids if I got to go to Italy.”

“Yeah, that’s basically what I’m telling myself.” He sighs. “I know this is pointless to say, but if you ever want me to just tell you my name, I will.”

“I can just call you Mr. Blake, right? That’s part of your name. It’s close enough.”

“That’s what students call me, please don’t.”

She laughs. “I’m going to get it. I keep telling you.”

“You do keep telling me.” He wets his lips. “So, I’m here, I want to relax. Anything I can do?”

“Your idea of relaxing is asking me if I have work for you?”

“I hear a lot of people use gardening to relax,” he says, with a shrug. “If there’s anything you need–”

To his relief, she looks pleased, not weirded out. “I think I can find you something, Mr. Blake.”

He very nearly screws up and says, Call me Bellamy, but he remembers at the last moment. Somehow, he doesn’t seem to have fucked this relationship up yet. There’s no reason to start now.

On Friday, she asks if he’ll be in on Saturday again, and he tells her, regretfully, that he’s got to get ready for the trip.

“Oh,” she says. “Well, have fun. I’ll see you when you get back?”

“Yeah,” he says. “Have a good week.”

“You too.”

He does, of course. He complains to his sister non-stop about everything, but that’s how he and his sister prefer to communicate, and he wishes he’d asked for Clarke’s number so he could send her pictures and tell her stories, just so he could talk to her.

His crush might be bigger than he thought, and he already thought it was pretty big.

When he gets back, he for once has nothing to do after school, so he can actually go right over to Clarke’s and say hi. It’s hard not to feel like he’s maybe making too big a deal of it, missed her more than their relationship really warrants, and then he sees the sign: If your name is BELLAMY BRADBURY BLAKE, come inside for a free flower!

He takes a picture, just for posterity, and heads inside to see Clarke rearranging rows of potted flowers. She perks up at the sound of the bell, breaks into a brilliant smile and, yeah.

He definitely has a shot.

“Were you stalking me while I was gone?” he teases, leaning against the wall next to her.

“Yup,” she says, unrepentant. “Did you know Bellamy doesn’t make the top one thousand last names in France? I was never going to figure it out.”

“Nope. I did try to warn you.” He frowns. “How did you?” Now that he thinks about it, it is kind of creepy. Maybe she tracked down Miller.

“Found your sister.”

That probably should have been his first guess. “So, actual stalking. Nice. I guess did give you her name.”

“I just put it on the sign. For three days,” she admits.

“I think it would have been easier to just ask me.”

“Don’t tell me you weren’t really excited to see your name on that board.”

He’s going to make the picture his new facebook profile picture, probably, so he can’t deny that.“Yeah, okay, I was. Is it weird if I say I missed you?” he asks, looking her up and down. Her hair’s kind of frizzing out and she looks tired, but gorgeous. “When I was gone.”

“I put out a beacon for your sister,” she points out. “I think it’s pretty safe to say I missed you too.”

“Awesome. Can I get a free flower, or do you need to see my ID first?”

“ID, definitely.”

He hands it over without complaint, watches her check it. “So, yeah. I’m Bellamy. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, Bellamy.”

He swallows hard, but–she’s not going to mind. She can say no. “So, this might be too soon, since we just introduced ourselves, but I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me sometime.”

She smiles, bright and beautiful. “Yeah?”

“Maybe Friday. If you’re free.”

“I’m free, yeah. Dinner would be great.”

It is great, and she comes home with him after, which is even better, and the next year, on their anniversary, the sign’s out again: If your name is BELLAMY, come in for a free flower!

“I’m probably going to be your only taker for that one,” he tells her, leaning down for a quick kiss.

“That’s okay,” she says. “I figure it never gets old, seeing your name on the sign.”

She does it every year for their anniversary, and she’s right. It never does get old.

#minimallyeschew

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percyjacksonfan3 · 7 years ago

Text

Finding Home (Part Two)

Part One: http://percyjacksonfan3.tumblr.com/post/164310003982/finding-home

Leo did not feel good.

His head felt like his dad was stuck inside of it, trying to break out with a hammer. He missed Calypso, his sleep had been plagued with nightmares and a creepy voice telling him to go back to Camp as soon as he woke up and on top of that he had been woken by a huge, metal, fire-breathing dragon stomping and flying around acting like a crazy automaton.

Oh and of course, Percy was missing. So there was that.

Gods, the guy needed one of those tracking bracelets or something, Leo thought to himself. Seriously, going missing once when an angry Queen of the Gods kidnaps you is understandable. Twice is practically a hobby.

Did that stop Leo from looking for the guy? Heck no! If it wasn’t for the fact that Leo actually liked Percy (when the guy wasn’t staring at him with a weird, uncomfortable look on his face) it would have been because Annabeth was back to being the scary version of herself, one willing to kill to get her boyfriend back; (and Leo was not in the mentality to handle that, he was too young and good looking to die. Besides, Calypso would miss him).

Of course the risk of death obviously wasn’t a strong enough motivator for Leo to close his big mouth around the scary blonde.

“Alright, that’s Festus ready.” He said tiredly, wiping his eyes. It was dawn and while he’d been loading their things up the others had been standing around coming up with a plan. “Let’s go.”

Annabeth’s bag, one Leo had wisely let her keep, was hoisted onto her shoulder. “Be careful guys.”

“Wait, what?” Jason placed a hand on her arm. “Annabeth, you heard Chiron-”

“Chiron’s wrong.” Annabeth interrupted. “I’m not leaving Percy stranded out here.”

“Babes, he could be anywhere by now,” Piper said softly, watching with worried eyes. “We should go back, try and track him-”

“No.” Annabeth’s voice was final. “Look, I told you two about what Percy and I discussed,” her eyes flicker quickly to Leo and he opens his mouth to ask but a look from Piper quickly has him snapping it shut. His head hurts enough without being yelled at by her too. “I have my pack. I have drachma for Iris-messaging. As soon as I get him I’ll let someone know.”

“Annabeth, we need to go.” Leo said. “Chiron doesn’t want you left behind and-”

“Leo, I’m not-”

“And something weird happened.” Leo said. “Look, my head’s killing me and I can barely remember anything from last night, okay, but I know I dreamt some weird voice telling me we had to leave. Now.” His tone and look softened at the slightly desperate look in her grey eyes. “I know you’re worried, we all are. But it’s not safe out here, Annabeth.”

She swallowed visibly. “I’m not going with you, Leo.” Her voice was soft.

“We’re not leaving you here alone.” Leo says, forging on. “Annabeth, we can come back as soon as we’re done talking to Chiron. We can get help from the others and have everyone out searching. But we won’t let you go alone, not when there’s something out here hurting people and kidnapping them.”

“Whatever it is could be hurting Percy right now-”

“I know.” Leo said gently. This was becoming familiar territory, talking to Annabeth when she was stressed out from her missing boyfriend, and Leo couldn’t say he liked that. Gods knew he’d spent enough time with her working on the Argo II that he was well versed with this side of her. “And how do you think he’d feel if you were kidnapped with him? If he had to watch you be hurt. Do you think that would help him?”

She pauses, the logic getting through to her, making her hesitate. “At least we’d be together.” She says weakly.

“Annabeth,” Piper breaks in. “Come with us. We’ll come back right away, I promise. We’ll break out of Camp if we have to. But we need help, we need to regroup, none of us can do this alone. None of us know what we’re up against.”

Again she hesitates and Leo tries to pout the way he’s seen Percy do when he wants something. “None of us want you to go missing too. We packed for a scouting mission, not a retrieval. We need help”

Annabeth stares at him for almost a minute before sighing, her pack falling from her shoulder to land on the ground. “Fine,” she mutters, adjusting her sword on her back and then grabbing the pack to climb on Festus. “But tomorrow I’m coming back here.”

Nobody argued with her.

It was a quiet journey back to Camp. Leo could practically hear Annabeth making plans where she was sitting behind him, and he couldn’t see or hear Piper and Jason.

When they landed Chiron, Mr. D and Grover were all waiting for them. Leo left Festus to curl up in the sun in front of the Big House and followed the others to Chiron’s office.

After Jason had explained in detail what had happened in the past day Chiron nodded. Leo glanced around and noticed Mr. D watching the centaur carefully, a shrewd look in his eye and Leo wondered what that was all about.

Grover was nervously chewing on his shirt and Annabeth was holding his hand, both of them watching Chiron closely.

The sight made Leo sad. He wondered what it was like for them, having lived this way for over 10 years. Having friends and loved ones disappear, never to come back. Unravelling strange prophecies that didn’t make sense, fighting war after war, saving the world again and again, never getting any rest or time to be with their family. Losing Percy, not once now, but twice.

He saw the fear in Annabeth’s eyes, and he hoped with everything he had that she wouldn’t be without her boyfriend for six months again. He hoped that they’d find him tomorrow, maybe a little scratched up but smiling and waiting for them all, like Percy always seemed to be doing. He’d have the monster killed, the threat would be gone and he’d have escaped and saved everybody once more.

Before Leo had met Percy he’d heard countless stories about him. He’s heard about the quest for the Lightning Bolt, the one through the Sea of Monsters, of going after Annabeth and fighting the Titan Atlas to get her back, making his way through the Labyrinth (something Grover had done twice now, Leo couldn’t even imagine) and finally helping defeat the King of Titans. The absolute love and respect the camp and it’s occupants had for Percy was something Leo hadn’t seen the equivalent of anywhere else, and having him ripped away from them not once, but twice was too heartbreaking to really seem possible if they’d been anything other than demigods.

He’d seen what it was like last time. The slow loss of hope, the way every big announcement had people perking up only to fall harder than their hopes had risen when they found out the news wasn’t involving Percy’s recovery. They way people had looked to Annabeth to guide them but Annabeth had been too lost to take that on her shoulders, so they’d started to look to Clarisse, Katie, the Stolls, (before most of them went back to school), Drew and the other older campers instead.

Leo had never seen anything like that before. He’d been to so many schools that he thought he knew what to expect from a group of teenagers. The popular ones, the geeks, the different cliques that all of the adults liked to think got along but really couldn’t stand one another. The was what Leo was ready for when he arrived at Camp Half-Blood. More snotty, stuck up girls who would be mean to Piper because of her ethnicity. Big, bulky tough guys who would look down on the demigods who couldn’t fight as well and make fun of Leo for being scrawny. A teacher who would turn a blind eye to bullying, or encourage it to make demigods harder, tougher, stronger and used to the hard things in life. A part of Leo had assumed, wrongly, that if so many people missed Percy it must have been because he was top dog here, The Popular Guy™. A part of Leo had been prepared to dislike the guy on sight.

Now that Leo knew him, now that they’d saved each other’s lives and been through a war with one of the oldest entities of the world, Leo could say he’d been totally wrong.

Percy was a super powerful guy. One who had tons of friends and loved ones, and he was popular. But he wasn’t the jerk Leo had been expecting.

Which is why, sitting in Chiron’s office, Leo knew they had to get him back, no matter what. Percy was his friend, but more than that, he mattered to the people here, he made the Camp better. Leo couldn’t just sit back and do nothing, no matter what voices in his dreams said.

The only thing that surprised Leo was that Chiron didn’t seem to agree.

“Percy is capable of taking care of himself.” Chiron said once Jason was done explaining and the rest of them had butt in with any details the son of Jupiter had missed. The centaur had gotten up and was staring into a fountain in the corner of his office, lost in thought. “I will think on what to do tonight, but right now I see no reason to rush back into danger. You will all stay here until I learn more.”

Annabeth stood up. “What is wrong with you?” She demanded, eyes sparking, and Leo shrunk back in his seat at the disbelief and anger on her face. “You would never- last time you were frantic when he disappeared-”

“He disappeared from the protected borders of our Camp.” Chiron said, not turning to look at her, the falling fountain water a steady background noise to their voices. Chiron continued in what was almost a monotone. “We had no idea what it could have been and that meant the other campers were in danger. Yesterday Percy disappeared in the middle of nowhere on a dangerous mission. Sometimes we just have to accept losses.”

Every jaw in the room dropped.

Except Mr. D’s.

“There you go demigods, you have your orders.” He stood up and walked to Chiron, dragging a hand through the water of the fountain, making it ripple and causing Chiron to blink and look up at the sudden proximity as Mr. D clapped him on the shoulder. “Luckily it’s early enough we can have one last game of Pinnacle before lunch, my dear centaur. Why don’t you start setting it up for us?” The god turned his eyes on them as Chiron gave them all a last smile before making his way to the porch. Dionysus sneered. “The rest of you may go.”

“If you think-” Annabeth started, but Mr. D stopped her.

“Except you, Annabeth.” All eyes shot towards him when the wine god used her correct name and Mr. D glanced around in obvious dismissal. “I have a couple of things to discuss with you, girl.”

Grover stood up. “I’m not leaving Percy out there.” He said. “I can’t-”

“Underwood, I am ordering you to go back to your activities in the strawberry fields.” Dionysus turned on the satyr and Grover cowered. “Annabeth will go to check on you directly after I finish speaking with her, is that understood?”

“Mr. D-”

“Is that understood?” The god repeated in the same tone of voice.

Grover’s mouth closed. He stared at Mr. D, glanced to Annabeth who met his gaze and something unspoken passed between them before he nodded. “Understood. Sir.”

Dionysus nodded. “Show these three out.”

Piper and Jason had been silent throughout the entire confrontation, and Leo looked at them both, seeing the mutiny in their eyes that he was sure showed in his as well. He wanted to say something, but Jason looked from Annabeth to Grover before shaking his head.

They all got up and went towards the door. “Close it on your way out, please,” Dionysus called, and Grover didn’t turn back but he did pull the door of the office so that it gently hit the frame, leaving only the tiniest sliver of light to come from the office into the Big House hallway.

“You go on,” Leo told them all quietly, stopping just a few feet away from it. “I’ll tie my shoe and catch up.”

They all glanced at his feet, seeing him pull the lace untied on one shoe. Grover glanced towards the almost shut door, chewed his lip for a second and then nodded. “Hurry,” he told Leo, before going out with the rest of them.

Leo backed up quietly, crouching down to grip the loose laces, ear to the crack between the door and it’s frame. Dionysus was speaking quietly but Leo heard him anyway.

“I don’t have much time, so you must listen to what I tell you the first time. Chiron is not himself.”

Leo heard one of the move and then Annabeth said, “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” the god’s voice lowered, only barely audible over the sound of the fountain. “He is not himself. Those are not his words, this uncaring frontier is not his. I first noticed it when he ordered you all to return here- I have been with this centaur teaching you miserable rats at this camp for decades. Not once has Chiron abandoned one of you in a time of need or left someone in danger. He is not himself, child, do you understand my meaning?”

There was a beat of silence. “You think he’s possessed.”

“Not quite.” Another shuffle. “I think something is taking control of him at intervals and releasing him at others. There is no way of telling when it happens, but I am quite sure. Which means someone must look over him.”

“The same thing happened with Leo, on the mission.” Annabeth said, surprising Leo so much he rocked back and sat down. He listened as Annabeth described his sudden desire to leave the area, the way he said his head hurt and he dreamed that horrible voice… The pieces clicked and Leo was horrified.

He’d been possessed before by the eidolons. He never wanted it to happen again. Not controlling his own actions, watching from afar as somebody else wreaked havoc through his body… it was the most powerless he’d ever remembered being.

“Something is wrong here,” Dionysus said. “And somehow the responsible party has gotten to Chiron. I must stay and watch over him, but we cannot leave Perseus alone to face whatever it is. Which is why I give my permission for you and other demigods of your choosing to leave Camp and get him.”

A gasp. “You what?”

“You escaped the Harpies at 12 years old, I am sure you can do it again.”

“That’s not what I- you would give me permission to go and get Percy back?”

Seconds ticked by and Leo pressed his ear closer, wondering if he’d missed Mr. D’s response.

A throat cleared. “Poseidon would be absolutely insufferable if I allowed the brat to die.”

Another moment of silence. “Thank you, Mr. D.”

“Go.” Is all he said. “Get whoever you need, as a child of Athena you’ll have a good idea of what will be best to take and who. Recover the missing barnacle boy and make sure he is brought back safely. I will watch over Chiron and do my best to stop any interference here in the Camp.”

Leo heard a chair scrape and got up from where he was sitting, ready to get out before Annabeth opened the door, but he didn’t hear footsteps yet. “You’ve never taken an interest in our lives.” Annabeth said. “Even when Tantalus was here, you never seemed to care, and you definitely wouldn’t have let us leave. Not once have you helped us unless the gods were in danger. Why are you doing this now?”

Leo wished he could see Mr. D’s expression when he replied. “I suggest you make haste, Annabel, your boyfriend may be strong but he’s no longer invincible.”

A clear dismissal, one that Leo was able to interpret without even being in the room, and, realizing no more was going to be said, he turned and hurried from the Big House, intending on telling Grover, Jason and Piper everything he’d overheard.

By the time his foot touched the step his mind was blank and he couldn’t remember what he’d been doing in the Big House at all.

oooOOOooo

When Percy got over his surprise at the giant’s words a pit of fear pooled in his stomach.

Instead of showing it though he cracked a smile as best he could. “You might have to write that name down for me.”

Aristaeus grinned back at him, amused at the joke. “It is quite a mouthful compared to your modern way of saying things. Strange names you have now. I heard someone say they were named Diamond the other day. What an odd thing, to be named after an allotrope of carbon. But no matter, Aristaeus is the name my mother gave me and I must honor it, just as you honor your mother by answering to Perseus.”

“Actually it’s Percy,” he told the giant, still not completely back to his senses. Was he really introducing himself to this guy? “I go by Percy.”

“Ah, Percy.” The giant tried it out and nodded. “If that is the form you prefer I will do my best to follow it. It rolls of the tongue strangely, but I am sure I will grow accustomed.” He clapped his hands together again, changing the subject suddenly. “Now! I have many questions for you, demigod, if you would be so kind to answer them, but first, let me tell you a story.”

Percy raised an eyebrow. “A story?”

“The best way to gain understanding is through a story, you should know this better than anyone. Has it not been you telling the camp scribe your tales? You know better than most that history must be recorded.”

“How do you-”

“I wish for you to understand what I am doing here.” Aristaeus cut him off, eyes searching. “Then any questions we have for one another will be answered.”

Percy had no choice but to listen as Aristaeus shifted, getting into a comfortable seated position. The giant hunched forward, putting his face directly in front of Percy’s, meeting his eyes steadily and ensuring Percy was paying full attention.

“I was young when my brothers and sisters first amassed together to overthrow the Olympians thousands of years ago. My mother was angry you see, so desolately angry, and my family was born from that rage. I was not the youngest, nor the oldest. Never the wisest or strongest. It was not me who was dear to all of my siblings, I was not the leader and I was not the scribe. There were few my mother doted on out of us all, and I was never one of them. I was not special out of my siblings. There were better archer's, axe-wielders and sword fighters amongst us. Many of them were better with words, most were smarter and almost all of them were more passionate for our cause. We were created for one reason and one only; to end the gods.”

Annabeth would know all of this, Percy thought. She would know exactly who Aristaeus was, what god he had been created to overthrow and what would kill him.

Annabeth’s not here, he reminded himself, and relief swept through him once more at the thought that she would be spared all of this. He refused to acknowledge the small part of him that wished she was with him, the selfish and scared part that wished he wasn’t doing all of this alone.

“My siblings, the Titans, were the reason for this.” The giant continued. “Kronos has always been Mother’s favourite child. Out of us all it was him who shone in her eyes. He was much like her, but easily malleable to whatever whim she had. When his father, Ouranos, my father’s old rival, grew greedy and paranoid and fell to preying on his children it was Mother who formed the scythe and molded Kronos into what he became. Powerful, to be sure, but short-sighted. He fell prey to his fear as his father did and eventually his wife and sister, Rhea, who was truly lovely, did what she could to save her children and stashed Zeus away to overpower his father. Just as Kronos did to his father, Zeus did to his own, scattering the Titan to the wind and securing his own throne. The God King built a palace in the sky and the mortals worshipped him and his siblings.”

“You must realize,” the giant turned grey eyes on Percy and blinked. Percy jolted back as he saw the third eyelid, sliding closed from one side of the eye to the other, before being covered by the two outside lids. Like an alligator, Percy remembered. Annabeth had told him once that they had three eyelids and showed him a video of an alligator blinking. It was almost exactly the same. “Not to worry, demigod, the story only gets worse,” the giant said, misinterpreting the movement. “No matter. You must realize,” he repeated, “that the Titans were horrible to the mortals and all beneath them. Kronos led the Titans to believe they were masters of not only the world but the universe, more powerful than Chaos itself. They were more powerful than any other beings alive, their parents encouraged them in all of their doings, revelling in the torture of the mortals. Animals lived in fear, the mortals lived in more than that, suffering constant terror. When Zeus defeated his father and the gods defeated the other Titans who rose against them it was hailed as the Golden Age. The mortals were saved, and the gods, well. They didn’t treat them as equals, but they treated them well. Fairly, in many’s eyes. And mortals accepted it, anything was better than the subjugation the Titans had enforced. They didn’t know any better.”

“Of course Zeus was terrified and grew paranoid as well. He never feared his children would overthrow him, but he did fear the mortals would. He split them in two. Instead of having two heads and hearts, four legs and four arms, you were half of what you once were. Instead of having two minds and being twice as strong and intelligent as you are now, you were left weakened. Instead of having room in your heads and hearts to think of other things, your biggest goal in life was now to find your other half, your split half, a journey, I have heard from my siblings, that mortals now call looking for your soulmate, as your reincarnations still wander the world, searching for one another.” For a second the giant sounded almost wistful, looking past Percy to the back of the cave before suddenly turning his eyes back on the haggard demigod before him.

“Do you see what I am saying, Percy?” Aristaeus asked him. “Every ruler of our world has fallen prey to their emotions. They have not played things smart at all, but given in to fear and allowed it to corrupt their minds and make foolish decisions. If Ouranos had not begun consuming his children, he would still be the most powerful being in the universe. Now he is left alone, still powerful, but never able to reign over others again. His son is the same. Kronos could have had the world for eons and instead he got a meager few millennia before his children overpowered him. Zeus is not quite so foolish, but still victim to his feelings. How strong could his army of demigods be if he had kept humans in their original forms? Mortals could have fought for him, defended him, and their offspring could have been a gateway between themselves and the gods, keeping the two groups faithful to one another, cementing them as allies. Instead Zeus cuts himself off from the mortals and treats them as disposable and useless. Demigods like you are nothing but pawns in allowing the gods to survive for a few more millennia. Who cares for your death when there are countless more to take your place?”

Percy doesn’t mean to flinch, doesn’t want to give any sign that the words are affecting him, but he does. Aristaeus notices, his eyes rake over Percy, but he chooses not to say anything.

“I am saying, demigod, that all rulers must fall. All dynasties deserve to fall, eventually. My siblings and I were made to be a part of the gods disgrace from the heavens- never the force behind their loss, only the tool used by all to follow the rules of nature. We were created by Gaea to destroy Olympus and everybody on it. To avenge our brother and sister Titans and right the balance of power. Mother gave us the tools we needed and sent us on our way.”

“Twice now, my family has been overthrown. The first time we were overpowered because we did not know just how strong the gods and their allies were. The second time… we should not have lost at all.”

The giant’s eyes narrowed. “My brother Kronos should never have been defeated. He was the closest any has come to making Olympus crumble, yet he was stopped. Stopped, even though the gods were too busy fighting Typhon to even spare Kronos a glance. Stopped, despite the fact that the Triumvirate was supplying enough money, demigods and materials for the army to win without ever needing to ask for more. Stopped, Perseus, by you. Because you were born.”

Percy looked at him helplessly as the fear came back.

“It’s not all your fault.” Aristaeus assured him, seeing the look. “I do realize that, believe me. I understand your point of view. It was your father on the line, and even if the gods have never treated you well, you heard terrible things of the Titans and believed them to be worse. I cannot fault you, as I am sure in your situation my siblings and I would have done the same as you and your family.”

“But I ask that you look at it from my perspective. You continually thwart our champion, Kronos. You are the sole reason for his demise.” Percy started shaking his head but the giant tut tutted at him and waggled a finger his way. “You are, I assure you. Without your birth the Fates would have woven my brother’s victory. After that you antagonise my mother while she brings us all back to make another attempt on Olympus, once again ensuring our downfall. Without you, Percy, the two camps never would have gotten along. You helped form a bridge between them, one Jason Grace could not have accomplished himself, and that means it is on your shoulders the blame must rest. From there you fall into Tartarus, a place I have been forced to call my home for eons, fought and escaped my father and come back to lay rest to my mother and siblings. It may have been your blood that awakened her, but it was because of you that she was scattered as well.”

The giant looked away. “I was the sole survivor of the first giant war,” he confided. “I escaped the gods and heroes and went to Sicily, where I lived the rest of my life out in peace. It may have been cowardly of me, my siblings certainly thought so when we reunited in Tartarus, but our joy at being together soon overpowered their resentment. In Sicily I was at first alone for a long time. However, eventually I made friends who helped me realize there is more to life than fighting and revenge, than power and ensuring a throne. There is more worth living for. Those friends, who I later thought of as family, came to teach me many things.”

“If you realize that then why am I here?” Percy croaked. “Why are you doing all of this?”

The grey eyes turned back to him. “Perhaps I would have allowed you to leave with the others,” he said. “But you are the root of too much, you are the cause of every strife my kind and I have faced in the past 5 years. You are a plague to us and our allies, Perseus, and I could not allow you to escape when you were so nearby.”

Percy’s thoughts stuck. “The others?” He asked. “They left?”

Aristaeus considered him. “They did. The morning after, almost as soon as they realized you were gone. I was quite surprised in fact. Do demigods usually abandon their own so carelessly like that?”

Percy’s mind reeled, trying to figure out what that meant. Did they try and look for him and give up? What did they think happened to him? Was his disappearance enough to spook them off? Were they looking for him now?

Had they even tried to find him at all?

He jerked his head to the side. No, Annabeth was with them. If anything she would have tried to find him. She would have done everything she could, and if she left it was only to come back and try again. She hadn’t given up on him after six months, there was no way she would after two days.

Which meant Percy had to do all he could to help her.

“You know they left?” He asked again. “How?”

The giant smiled and it almost looked bashful. Percy was disgusted. “During my exile in Sicily my friends taught me many things,” he said again. “Among them was the use of magic. A very powerful, very useful and varied branch of magic.”

“Magic.” Percy said. He remembered Thalia and Hazel manipulating the mist, Hazel’s description of her encounters with Hecate. “To fight?”

The giant grinned. “Among other things. I can scry and look upon your friends from the safety of this cave. I can reach into their minds and twist their thoughts and actions to my will. I could do it to you right now, though there’s no point. I can cloak this cave from all eyes, I can cloak you from anybody trying to find you. That rainbow goddess is nowhere near as powerful as me, and empathy links are a snap of a finger to dissolve. If you’d still had the Achilles Curse it may have been a little trickier but I’m sure I could have managed to remove even that. I’m smothering your powers right now, the very things that make up your soul, with only a little strain.”

Then Percy’s heart stopped. He gasped and tried to breathe air in, but the action was empty. His lungs expanded, full of fresh air, but his body screamed in protest.

“That’s me,” Aristaeus said, a glint in his eye and pure joy and excitement on his face. “That burning in your lungs, the slow, treacle feeling of your brain, that’s all because I can stop your heart with a single thought.” He smiled and Percy felt his heart pump forcefully again, blood flooding through his veins and he gasped from the sudden pain of it, breathing in air greedily.

“I could end you with a thought, I can look through your mind and control you just as easily. I am like no foe you have ever faced demigod, believe that.”

Percy kept gasping but he managed to raise his watering eyes to meet the giants. “Then why am I alive?” He croaked. “Why aren’t I dead by now?”

The glint left the giants eye and for a second he looked almost nervous. “I am the last trick the Triumvirate had. They may be gone, but I am all that’s left of the final uprising. Without them the Titans couldn’t have risen, the giants couldn’t have almost won the second giant war, Apollo would not have been weakened as he was and the gods could never have been so divided over their children, their morals, actions and history, as they are now. They would not have closed Olympus to you all and betrayed you. They would not have put you in danger and made you so resentful of them, you demigods never would have lost the numbers you have and been forced to such helpless anger.” Aristaeus looked at him curiously. “I saw the darkness rise up in you Percy, when you were in Tartarus. That anger, that rage, I know what you feel. It’s inside of you now, I can tell without even going in your mind.”

Percy flinched, ignoring the words. “You still haven’t told me why I’m alive.”

“Because I will not destroy this for everybody. I am the last hope my family has, and if I have learned anything from history, it is that recklessness causes destruction. I will think out every move I make, use every shred of knowledge I can to win and bring my family back. The gods will fall, as they inevitably must, by my hand. Whether you call it chaos, Ragnarok, the end of the world or doomsday, every being knows the end will come, one way or another. I am going to be the cause of the god’s end. I may hate what you mean for my family, what you have done to us and what you represent, but I don’t think I hate you. I hate what you allow, what you have achieved and everything you lead others to accomplish in your wake, but I honestly see good in you. It’s a dilemma. I have not killed you because I don’t have all of the information yet, nor am I at my full strength. My beastie has yet to bring back another mortal and I have to make plans and backup plans. I have to see whether or not I can convince you to join my side, to see things the way I do and become an ally. You would be a valuable asset if I can make you see reason. Then, Perseus,” Aristaeus stood up and moved to the back of the cave leaving Percy to watch him go, “and only then, will I decide what to do with you.”

#finding home #pjohoobigbang2017 #percabeth #more of the seven #yay!

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