#every day is disco friday in our hearts

[onepintobean]

COC day 30 | Crack

"...Baz chews gum, and he loves to listen to disco..." -- Rainbow Rowell, taken supremely out of context

happy snowbaz day everyone!

[callsignspark]

Mar[r]y Me - part six

pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)

summary: A love story told through friendship, laughter, and food.

series warnings: 18+ minors DNI, discussion of insecurities, difficult family relationships, discussions of food and alcohol use, discussions of body image, one (1) drunk asshole, conversations on what it’s like to be a fat woman trying to date in today’s society, warnings to be added as needed

word count: 5.9k

previous part | series masterlist | main masterlist

note: happy Friday!! it's August here in the real world but it's Valentine's Day in the Mar[r]y Me universe, so what will these two do surrounded by love and pink hearts? can't wait to hear everyone's thoughts!

part six - pancakes

God, I made a mistake.

Bradley has suffered through five days of the same thought on a constant loop. His brain started up the second he walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Only getting short reprieves when he had to fly. Even being asleep wasn’t safe; Mary had been consuming his nights, wonderful dreams of being with her intermixed with bad dreams of having to watch her with another man.

He felt like he was living one of those nightmares for the last three songs, watching Mary dance and giggle with some guy in his twenties.

I should be the one making her laugh. My hands should be on her hips, not his.

He cursed Natasha for dragging them to this stupid Valentine’s Day speed-dating event. Except, the speed dating isn’t actually speed dating; it’s some sort of convoluted speed dancing.

As announced by the host, there are only two rules:

Every person must wear the wristband they received upon entry; the wristbands correspond to your relationship status, so respect the color code system.

If you’re dancing, you have to dance with a new person for each song.

“Unless you’re really hitting it off with your dance partner.” DJ Socket had added with a wink before starting the night off with a horrible remixed version of My Funny Valentine.

Natasha, Callie, and Mary had laughed at the bad song choice before throwing back a shot of tequila and shimmying their way to the dance floor, pink wristbands glowing under the disco ball.

According to the event flyer that had been spammed in the group chat for the last two weeks, a pink wristband meant single and ready to mingle.

Bradley watches as the infant with a bad haircut tries to hit on Mary to what he thinks is a Justin Bieber song, absentmindedly playing with his own wristband. White. Here for fun, not to flirt.

He’s having a terrible time.

“Rooster. Rooster? Bradley!”

The use of his real name snaps him out of his thoughts. “Sorry, Bob, what was that?”

“I asked if you were okay. You don’t look great.”

He feels his heart clench a little bit. He’s always had a soft spot for the bespectacled man, Bob paying attention to small things that others rarely caught. Though even a blind person could see the way Bradley is staring at Mary, the pining radiating beyond the two high-top tables the Daggers had claimed as theirs.

“Yeah, just tired. It’s been a long week.”

Bob raises an eyebrow and opens his mouth, but Harvard interrupts him before he can investigate further.

“It’s weird seeing the girls in dresses instead of their coveralls.”

“I’m just wondering how they convinced Callie to wear heels. Omaha practically had to bribe her to wear something other than her Vans to our wedding.” Fritz says, his red wristband - taken and in love - flashing when he takes a sip of his bright pink drink. “God, these drink specials are awful! This is the last time Phoenix gets to choose where we go.”

The boys laugh as his face twists in disgust. Natasha is great at many things, choosing a good bar is not one of them.

“We should have let Jake plan; he found that complex with the mini golf and everything. That was so much fun!” Aaron adds before turning to Javy. “Where is Jake? I thought he was coming.”

Javy shrugs. “He was supposed to be here, but he texted me and said he wasn’t going to make it. Something came up, apparently. He said everything was fine, so I’ll check on him tomorrow. Make sure he’s all good.”

“Mary looks really good.”

Bradley stiffens, his mood dropping from happy back down to pissed off as steam pours out of his ears. She doesn’t just look good. She looks amazing. The light green, satiny material of her dress is hugging her figure just right, showing off her curves in the most delicious way. The slit up her leg showing off the thighs he dreams about getting his hands on again.

She looks gorgeous.

But Harvard doesn’t get to say that about his girl.

She’s not your girl. You fucked up.

“There she is! Can I get you a drink, ma’am?” Harvard stands up, holding his bar stool steady while Mary climbs on, scooting it in when she’s settled.

“If you’re going up, I’ll take a water, please.” She smiles at him, cheeks flushed from dancing.

“You want anything stronger to go with that water?”

“Vodka sprite, if it’s not too much of a bother.”

“You got it, sweetheart; anything for my new backseater!” Harvard flashes his toothpaste commercial-ready smile at her before making his way through the crowd to the bar. Him and his pink wristband quickly getting lost in the masses.

“I missed something. Backseater?” Javy asks.

Bradley watches her laugh and lean on the table, grabbing a chip after Aaron pushes the basket toward her. “He’s just trying to be funny. We’re both headed up to Lemoore next week - I’m helping out on some repairs, and he’s doing some sort of mentor program? I don’t know exactly. Anyway, Cyclone suggested we drive together since we’re staying at the same hotel. I told Brigham he’s driving since he insisted on getting this godawful 30-foot pickup truck, which makes me his temporary backseater.”

“Make sure you don’t eat anything before riding with him, or you’ll paint the windshield.” Omaha jokes.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Please. If I didn’t hurl after a greenhorn took me up and executed one very poor barrel roll before getting himself grounded, I think I can handle Harvard’s driving.”

“You’ve flown?”

“Was it an FA-18?”

“How do you fuck up a barrel roll?”

“Did you like it?”

Questions are hurled at her from every direction, all the boys interested in the fact that their favorite mechanic had been airborne in the backseat of a fighter jet before they knew her.

“I did like it!”

Bradley’s heart warms a bit when she answers his question first.

“It was an FA-18, and I think we technically hit Mach-1, but my brain has burned the trauma of that hop from my memory. It was fun until that bad maneuver because when I say greenhorn, I mean green. Like as fresh as you can possibly be.” She shutters, only partially joking. “But I didn’t throw up, and that’s a major point of pride for me.”

“It’s only because you hadn’t eaten yet that day.”

The warmth disappears, again, when she smacks Brigham’s arm after he puts her drinks down. “I told you that in confidence! And I think it still counts because I’m a civilian and have done none of the training you guys do.”

“How did you even get permission to fly?” Javy questions, stealing a sip of her water, grinning at her when she glares.

“When I was in Florida, I got close with some of the higher-ups, and one of them arranged for me to go on a simple flight so I could see what it’s like. It was really sweet of him!”

“Who did you sweet talk into getting in a jet?”

“He sweet-talked me! Actually, it was more like he manipulated me. It came up that I’d never been on a flight - which is totally normal for an engineer, by the way - and he egged me on until I agreed to go up.”

“Oh my god, you got suckered into a ride with a flight school newbie? Who managed that?”

“I don’t know if you guys know him. I don’t think he was in Pensacola when you were going through flight school, but it was Admiral-”

“Hey, baby, wanna dance?”

Her face changes immediately, annoyance spreading quickly. “No. I’ve already told you I don’t. Leave me alone.”

“Oh, c’mon, you know you want this-”

“The lady told you no. I suggest you listen to her before we make you listen.” Omaha threatens from his position across the table. Bradley is happy that Neil spoke up before him because he wouldn’t have been so nice about it.

The pushy asshole looks around the table and decides not to press his luck after seeing eight men puffed up, ready to defend their friend.

“What a dick! He had a red wristband on, and he still tried to hit on you!”

“Welcome to being a woman, Mickey. Doesn’t matter if you’ve told them no or if they have a partner. Men will be gross and overbearing if they think it’ll benefit them.”

She sinks back in her chair, sipping her drink and sending a small smile to the boys in thanks. The group disburses a bit, most joining Nat and Callie on the dance floor, leaving Mary sitting with Fritz, Bradley, and Bob.

“Hey, speaking of gross and overbearing, did you hear the rumor that Admiral Cain is coming to the program review next week?”

It perks her back up; she excitedly leans forward, happy to talk about something else.

“Oh! That’s not a rumor, Fritz. That’s 100% true. He’ll be presenting his case for increasing unmanned drone research. But he’s going first on Tuesday, and then he’s back in Washington that same afternoon, so thankfully, we’ll only have to deal with him for a few hours.”

“Thank god, I had to deal with him for a little bit when I was at Norfolk, and he was worst. I know drones are getting more popular for high-risk missions, but they’ll never be able to fully replace pilots.” Billy clinks his bottle against Mary’s glass when she holds it up, swallowing the last of his beer. “You���ll have to excuse me; it looks like my husband wants me to dance with him.”

Bradley watches Mary stare longingly at the dance floor, her eyes following the happy couple dance in perfect sync with each other.

If you hadn’t messed up, that could be the two of you out there.

“So, what parts of program review do you have to sit in on?”

Mary turns, a soft smile on her face - Bradley knows her soft spot for Bob matches his own. Both of them protective over the younger man who cares so much, yet so quietly.

“I have to be there for almost all of it. I’m presenting a few sections, plus I have to do a shop tour and demo, which will be uber fun.” She rolls her eyes, knowing how some admirals like to knit-pick at how a shop is run and organized. “All my free time this week will be finishing my slides and polishing my presentation.”

“Wow, on top of helping with Lemoore’s repairs? You’re gonna be busy these next two weeks.”

“Very busy, but we’ve already done the repairs I’m helping with down here, so theirs should go much smoother! But I'm genuinely excited for program review because I’ll get to see some people I worked with in Florida! I think I’m going to try and poach a few of them that I really miss.”

“You’re gonna steal your friends to work for you?” Bradley regrets the question when he sees her face falter for a split second, realizing his tone wasn’t as joking as intended.

“Yeah, I’m thinking about it. They’re really smart and talented, plus it’d be nice to work with them again.”

The relief that breezes through his chest at her grin and kind tone quickly disappears when Harvard pops up and pulls her toward the dance floor.

“Hang- hang on!” She giggles, turning to Bob. “Would you mind keeping an eye on my purse while Brigham steps on my toes to bad 90s love songs?”

Bob’s, “No problem.” overpowers Harvard’s protests of, “I’m not gonna step on your foot again!”

She pecks his cheek, leaving a faint pink stain behind as she follows the Ohio man onto the dance floor. And for several songs, Bradley's stomach twists as he watches his two friends dance pressed close together.

“Why don’t you go dance with her?”

“She doesn’t want to dance with me.”

Bob scoffs. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Bradley, what happened with you two?”

He doesn’t answer; just keeps fiddling with the label on his beer and watching the dance floor. The two sit in uncomfortable silence for the first time in their friendship.

“I fucked up.” He confesses everything to Bob. The night on her couch, their interruption, the tiff just a few days ago. He doesn’t spare any detail, no feelings. “I still don’t know why I didn’t just let her explain! Even if I was mad that she was ignoring me, she had her reasons - she wouldn’t do something like that for no reason!”

Bob is stunned. He doesn’t know what to say to comfort his friend. None of the group’s theories had even been close to the reality of what happened.

“You can’t tell anyone what I just told you, not even Natasha!” Bradley is borderline frantic. “You’re the second person I’ve told, and I don’t know if Mary has told anyone, but I don’t want everyone knowing. I don’t want what happened to be the talk of the group.”

“I won’t tell anyone, Bradley. Not even Nat. But I do get bragging rights when the two of you finally get together.”

“That’s not gonna happen. I messed up too much, man.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”

He looks where Bob is pointing, watching as Harvard twirls away with a pretty redhead, leaving Mary dancing by herself. They make eye contact, and he can see the gears in her brain working. She turns around, hips swinging hypnotically, and he loses his breath when she peeks over her shoulder at him. Bradley’s heart soars when she wiggles a finger at him.

She’s calling me over. Maybe I didn’t totally fuck this up.

His joy is short-lived. The same red wristband asshole as before getting in her space, trying to grab her ass as she pushes him away. Bradley practically falls out of his chair to get to her.

“Get away from me!” Mary pushes the stranger’s hands off and stumbles back from the force, colliding with Bradley’s chest as he comes to help.

He steps forward, angling his body to shield her as she tucks herself into his side. “She’s told you to leave her alone at least twice now. Walk away before we have a problem.”

The sleazy man rolls his eyes, “Whatever, man.”

“No, not “whatever,” man.” Bradley steps forward, disregarding Mary tugging on his arm. Her pleas for him to stop falling on deaf ears. “You’re going to apologize to her.”

“For what? The fat bitch probably liked it. She’s practically begging for it in that dress.”

Bradley doesn’t even think. He lunges, ignoring Mary’s yell for him to stop and taking the asshole down with one punch. He doesn’t get a second one, security interfering and escorting all three out.

The rest of the Daggers make their way outside, everyone awkwardly huddled together as Mary assures the bouncers that she is safe to leave with Bradley, that he’s her friend who was just protecting her from the other man’s unwanted advances.

She’s mad when she joins them. A quiet anger that's palpable, making them all stay quiet instead of joking around like usual.

“Thanks for planning this, Nat. It was really fun until about five minutes ago. I’ll text you about dinner.” She says to the girls, giving Bob a small smile when he hands over her clutch. “Bradley is going to drive me home, but you guys should keep having fun. Brigham, let me know when you want to leave tomorrow, and I’ll see the rest of you when I get back from Lemoore.”

Her clipped tone and her heels furiously clicking on the sidewalk are the only physical indicators of her anger. The group watches her go, stunned. In the year since they were introduced to Mary, it’s the only time they’ve seen her get close to losing her cool.

They had seen her defend herself against misogynistic pilots, making them feel foolish without even raising her voice. They watched her bite her tongue when admirals talked down to her because of her age, letting Mav or Cyclone handle it. In the past eleven months, they had witnessed her ability to handle difficult situations with poise and grace.

But tonight was too much.

After having to deal with yet another demeaning asshole and Bradley’s rash, unwanted heroics, the rage simmering below the surface of her skin was threatening to finally break through.

Bradley follows at a slower pace, keeping an eye on her but giving her space to breathe. He startles at someone grabbing his shoulder, turning with wide eyes to find Bob with a determined look on his face.

“Take her home and apologize; let her explain before you explain your side, okay?” Bradley nods, giving a small smile to his friend. “It’s all gonna be fine; you are made for each other. You can tell me all about how right I am tomorrow morning.”

He makes his way to the car, unlocking and opening the door for Mary, the tiny bit of hope from Bob’s pep talk disappearing when he realizes that she’s giving him the silent treatment. Climbing into the front seat and ignoring the hand he offers, closing the door herself and choosing to stare out the passenger window when Bradley sides into the Bronco.

The drive to her house is quiet; the only sound is the oldies station Bradley turns on in hopes of getting Mary to talk to him. The closer they get to their destination, the more he goes from sad to annoyed.

I was just trying to help. She doesn’t need to ignore me.

They’re both fuming by the time he pulls into the driveway. She slips out of the car, hoping he’ll just go home, but he’s following behind her to the house. One step over the threshold, and he can’t take it anymore.

“Are you gonna stop ignoring me, or should I just go home?”

He watches her shoulders stiffen and feels his stomach drop her eerily calm expression. “I don’t know. Are you actually going to listen to me? Or are you just going to tell me that we should just forget this happened, too?”

“Don’t put that on all on me! This isn’t all my fault! You ignored me for an entire month!”

“Yes! Yes, I did!” She slams her hand on her kitchen island. “And then, when I tried to explain, you didn’t let me say anything! You just said we should forget everything that happened and move on! So I tried to forget! I tried to respect your wishes! But tonight, all you could do was watch me dance with other men!”

His mouth drops open; he didn’t realize she had noticed.

“Yeah! I noticed - you pilots have all the subtly of an elephant in a firework shop with its tail on fire! It’s one or the other, Bradley! We either forget what happened and we see other people, or we talk about what happened and go from there! There’s no in-between option where you get to be upset whenever I flirt with a man that’s not you! So what’s it gonna be? Are we moving on, or are we having a conversation?”

He can’t get words to come out. He knows what he wants, but he can’t speak.

“Well, Bradley?”

Say something, dumbass! She’s not going to wait forever.

She scoffs, rubbing her hands over her face. “I’m going to shower. If you’re still here when I’m done, we’ll talk. If you’re gone, well, then I have my answer.”

He’s frozen in her dining room, wincing back to reality at her bedroom door slamming shut. His phone is ringing before he realizes what he’s doing.

“Rooster? Everything okay?”

“I think I fucked up.” He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up even further. “We fought, man. She noticed I was watching her tonight and yelled at me for not letting her talk last week.”

“Where are you? I’ll come get you.”

“I’m in her living room.”

“You’re still there? She didn’t kick you out?”

“She said if I’m still here when she’s done showering, we’ll talk about everything.”

“You’re a fucking idiot, Bradley.” Bob’s eye-roll is audible on the other end. “Sit down and wait for her to finish showering so you can talk. If she wanted you to leave, she would have no problem sending you packing.”

“You think?”

“She was two seconds from throwing a wrench at my head last week, and I’m her favorite.”

“Well, I don’t know about favor-”

“I am. Now, sit down, shut up, and wait for her.”

The line clicks, and he decides to listen to the advice, depositing his wallet and keys on her entryway table before sitting on her couch. Sinking into the middle cushion, he thinks about the last time he’d been on this piece of furniture.

“You’re so hard.” He’s not sure why she’s surprised. She has to know she’s had him on the verge of an erection since she opened her door this morning.

“You’ve been pressed against me for two hours in these tiny little shorts with no bra on, and you smell good.” He shrugs, feeling sheepish as he explains what got him going.

“Bradley..” The way she says his name borders on a moan, and he can’t help the noise he makes when she pulls his hair.

If she does that again, I’m going to cum.

He grabs her ass and pulls her as close as he can, brushing his other hand up her thigh and boldly dipping into the leg of her pajama shorts, enjoying the scalloped edge of her panties. Their lips brush, and he’s about to move his hand to the gusset of her underwear - he needs to know how wet she is for him - when they’re interrupted.

Between reliving that moment and crafting his apology, he doesn’t hear the shower turn off or her footsteps coming down the hall, only noticing her when she sits in the chair furthest from him.

“I’m sorry-” They start to apologize at the same time.

“I’d like to go first if you don’t mind?” She requests, taking a deep breath when he nods in agreement. “I want to start by apologizing for the last month. It was wrong of me to kick you out that night and then ignore you for a month, and I wish I hadn’t done it.”

“Why did you?”

“Because I got scared. That night… I never do things like that. I never make the first move or act that bold. So the fact that I just climbed on your lap like that - without thinking about it or second-guessing myself - freaked me out. By the time I got Annie back to sleep, I had completely psyched myself out, and I was convinced you didn’t actually want me.”

“That’s- I- did I give any indication that I didn’t want you?” He sputters the question, unsure how she could think that.

“It’s nothing you did, Bradley. It’s all on me, my insecurities. Men rarely - if ever - have had the same… enthusiasm that you did. You were great; this is a me problem.”

“I don’t understand.” He leans forward, wanting to get closer without crossing the boundary she set with her seat choice. “If everything was so great, what went wrong?”

“I’m fat, Bradley.”

He sits up straight, shocked at her words. What does that have to do with anything?

“I’m sorry, I still don’t get what the problem is.”

“I know you don’t understand what it’s like to be a woman, but please believe me when I tell you it’s hard. People are constantly policing and judging your body. Men will just tell you what they think of your body, what they think is wrong with it - unprovoked. And it’s even worse when you’re fat.” She leans back, hugging a pillow to her chest. “I know you didn’t do any of that. But I’ve been fat since I was a kid, so I’ve heard it all for years. And not just men, but from family too. It’s hard to shake those experiences, to ignore the insecurities and just enjoy the moment.”

They sit in silence for a minute, Mary refusing to make eye contact while Bradley tries to figure out his next move.

“Can I come over there?”

The question surprises her, but she nods. His choice to kneel in front of her is another surprise; he can tell from her eyebrows reaching her hairline.

“I’m gonna take this, okay?” He gently tugs the pillow from her hands, tossing it on the couch so there’s nothing between them. When Bradley sees her shirt, his breath hitches in his throat.

She’s wearing his sweatshirt.

“Sorry,” she says shyly, noticing his stare. “I’ve been wearing it to bed; I promise I’ll wash it.”

And as much as he wants to linger in the revelation that she’s been sleeping in his clothes, he pushes through.

“Mary, I’m going to be very honest with you because I need you to understand how much I wanted you that night. Sitting there with you in my lap? That’s the hardest I’ve ever been; I think about it all the time. How warm and soft you were.” He slips his hands into hers. “And I know what you look like. I like the way you look. I like everything about you. Everything. Even the things you don’t like about yourself. You’re so gorgeous.”

He wipes her cheek, brushing a tear away.

“This past month hasn’t changed how I feel about you. I still want you. I’ve never not wanted you. I’ve had a crush on you since the moment Danielle dragged you through the front door of the Hard Deck.”

“Bradley…”

“Not done, still my turn.” He leans up, getting closer to her to get his point across. “I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to fix this sooner. I was trying to give you the space you wanted, but that was a mistake. After the first week, I should have told you how I was feeling, what I wanted.”

“What do you want now?” Her voice is tiny, and his heart breaks at how uncertain she sounds.

“Still you, honey. I know I said we should forget what happened, but I don’t want to forget. I want to do that again without getting interrupted this time. I want to take you out on a date. I want you. If you’ll have me.”

He watches Mary wrestle with her thoughts, her mouth opening and closing, not sure how to say what she’s thinking. “Just tell me, Mary, whatever it is. I want you to be honest with me.”

“I want that too. I want you. But I’m not sure if I’m ready for it right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“How long have you been flirting with me?” She nudges him back, scooting forward in her chair so her knees brush his chest.

He doesn’t understand the question but answers anyway, wrapping his hands around her legs, stroking his thumbs over her soft skin. “Since that night we met, I didn’t do too good of a job since you spent the evening playing darts with Jake, but that’s how long.”

“That was last January. You’ve been flirting with me for an entire calendar year. And I’m so oblivious that I didn’t even realize you were interested until you were grabbing my ass and moaning against my mouth.” She rubs her face. “So I just need some time to process this because I never thought this - us -could be an option.”

“Okay, how much time are you thinking? How do you want to do this?”

“I don’t know… there’s no free time. I’m gone this week, and next week is program review and prepping you guys for deployment. Then you’re in the middle of the ocean for two months.”

“Doesn’t really leave a lot of time for us, does it?” He jokes, squeezing her calves. “We’ll be back the first week of May. There’ll be a few days of debriefing, but then I’m on leave. Why don’t we grab dinner that Sunday? It can be as friends or as something more, whatever you want - whatever you’re ready for at that point. How does that sound?”

“You’re okay with waiting that long?”

“Mariella, it’s been a year, and nothing has changed since I saw you in that red dress. A few extra weeks where we’re just friends? That’s nothing if it means you’re comfortable.”

“I’m sorry I’m so bad at this.”

“Stop it. This isn’t all on you; I haven’t been the best either.” Bradley’s voice is firm, making sure she’s not placing the entire blame on herself. “We’ll work on it. We’re smart people; we can figure it out.”

“Thank you for being so understanding. I really am sorry about how I acted.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

Feeling lighter than they have in weeks, they look at each other and laugh when Mary yawns, her face scrunching up.

“Okay, honey, I think it’s time to get you to bed.” He stands, pulling her into a hug. “I’ll call you when you’re at Lemoore, okay? We’ll talk about our days, and you can complain about Harvard.”

“Why would I complain about Brigham?” She blinks up at him, her eyebrows creasing after a second. “Wait! Are you saying goodbye? You can’t drive home right now; it’s too late!”

He tries to argue but is cut off by her finger pointing at the clock, the two hands telling him it’s almost three in the morning. “Shit, I didn’t realize it was so late.”

“C’mon.” She pulls on his hand, leading him down the hall.

“What are we doing?”

“Going to bed?” She squeaks when he abruptly stops, tugging her off balance.

“Mary, I’m sleeping on the couch.”

Her face is baffled. “Bradley, you’re too tall; it won’t be comfortable. We can share my bed; we’re adults. We can handle it.”

His heart thumps. He wants nothing more than to crawl into bed with her, but he’s afraid of how his body might react to being next to her all night.

“Mary, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You won’t. I also want you to be comfortable, so if you don’t want to share, I’ll take the couch, and you take my bed.”

“But-”

“This is the whole communication thing we just talked about. Believe me when I say that sharing my king-sized bed with you for one night won’t make me uncomfortable.”

Bradley stares into her eyes, searching for any hint of hesitation. “Okay, lead the way then, Vertucci.”

It’s awkward for a moment in her bedroom, the two of them trying to navigate this new situation together. But after some blushing and a few stuttered words, they figure it out. He’s just finished brushing his teeth when they discover that Bradley’s preferred side of the bed matches hers.

“Two peas in a pod.” He jokes as he starts to climb into bed, heart fluttering at the bashful smile on her face.

“What are you doing?”

He freezes, covers pulled back with his knee raised. “Uhhh… getting into bed?”

“Not like that, you’re not.” His wide eyes must give away his confusion and panic because she continues. “Bradley, you are not climbing into my bed, which has nice fresh sheets, with those clothes you wore to the club. God knows what’s on those chairs we sat on.”

“So what am I supposed to do?”

“You are wearing underwear, right?” He nods, feeling baffled by how this night has progressed. “Then strip, you’re sleeping in your undies.”

Bradley stands there, looking at her snuggled under her quilt, bathed in the soft light of her nightstand lamp, and still wearing his name on her arm. Based on how serious she looks, he’s pretty sure she’s unaware of how flirty her words sound. If she was any other woman, he would make an effort to flirt back, try his best to be sexy as he undresses. Turn it into a striptease.

But it’s Mary, and they just got back to a good place.

So he undresses how he does when he’s alone. Unbuttoning his black shirt methodically, taking note of how her breath hitches when he pulls the tight material off, but not doing anything about it. If he has any control over their situation, there will be plenty of opportunities in the future to make her lose her breath.

He does allow himself to make eye contact while he undoes his jeans, unable to pass up the chance to watch her watch him. He sees her scan his body, can see the hunger in her eyes, can hear the small gulp when she sees the waistband of his underwear appear. He stays steady, folding the pants and draping them over his shirt before slipping under the covers, keeping a respectful distance between them.

“Gonna turn the light out?”

She blinks at him as she processes the question, her eyes hazy from the late hour, and he thinks about how he would love to have this view every night for the rest of his life. He watches as she rolls over, eyes slipping down to the skin that’s exposed when she leans to turn the lamp off. She ends up closer when she rolls back towards him; he can feel the heat of her body radiating towards him.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Mary’s voice is soft, like being too loud will ruin the small bubble they’ve created for themselves. “Do you like pancakes?”

The question makes him think of his mom, how she used to make pancakes on special occasions and sometimes just because it was Tuesday. He never makes them for himself.

“They’re my favorite. Do you make good pancakes?”

“I make the best pancakes.” He can’t see her face, but he can hear her smile. “Night, Bradley.”

He mummers good night back, enjoying the way the mattress moves as she gets comfortable. The scent of her shampoo drifts over him, resurrecting the question that he’d been asking himself for a month.

“Mary? Can I ask you a question?” His voice is quiet, scared to ruin things but needing to know the answer.

She hums, “What’s up?”

“That night. If we hadn’t gotten interrupted, what do you think would have happened?” It’s quiet. He can hear her hands playing with the edge of the sheet, fingers nervously folding and unfolding the cotton. “I’m sorry, you don’t have-”

“No, it’s okay, Bradley.” A hand brushes his chest, warm fingers ghosting over his skin in search of his hand. She continues once their fingers are intertwined. “If we hadn’t been interrupted, we would have had sex. We would’ve made out for a while, and then I would have ridden you right there on the chaise.”

“Fuck…”

She makes a small noise of agreement. “I don’t know about after, though, if we would have had a better go of things that we have. It might have been worse, I’m not sure.”

“Can’t change the past. I’m just glad we’re fixing things now.”

“Me too.” Mary presses a small kiss to the tip of his fingers, squeezing his hand before rolling over. “Good night, Bradley; sleep well.”

“Night, Mary.”

I think I’m falling in love with you.

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fic tag | credit for dividers here

[coldmilkcreamery]

Luminescent Moonlight

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: nct dream x male reader 🥀🌹

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 1862

𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: y/n sneaks out of the dorms every friday night. the dreamies notice and follow him only to find out that…

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴/𝘀: degradation; swearing

𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗯𝘆 🌙

𝗮/𝗻: uhh... idk how to feel about this? at first i was proud of it but now reading it i'm like... meh but enjoy ig ^^ this marks the last day of our launch week, which means we won't be posting daily anymore :(( we have 2 requests and we're working on them, if you have any feel free to drop it at the ask box !! good night <33

> 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 <

-

Both hands on the clock point at 12 again, signaling Y/N’s departure from the NCT dorms. As their newest and youngest member, Y/N was thought of as the sweetest, purest, and on top of all, most respectable member of NCT. He graduated Neo High with honors, was friendly on campus and auditioned for SM only once, unlike the sea of trainees who had to audition for more than three times. Because of this, he was viewed as this innocent prince once SM told the boys that he would be joining NCT. But, just like any cliché scenario, none of them knew of what Y/N did in the dead of night, when the moonlight shone on the city and no one knew him, not even by his silhouette.

✦ 𝙨𝙞𝙭 𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 ✦

“Has anyone noticed Y/N during the weekends recently? He usually isn't sleeping on his bed when he’s supposed to be.” Shotaro asks, genuinely worried about him.

“He probably just goes to the comfort room and stays in there for the whole night or something, no biggie.” Jeno says sarcastically, shoving a mouthful of popcorn into his mouth as he blabs his mouth.

“Hm,” Jisung mumbles, skeptical of Y/N’s actions, “there is definitely something up with him.” Jisung wasn’t one to get jealous often but with the addition of Y/N into NCT, the beloved, innocent, has-never-committed-a-sin Y/N, the attention wasn’t on him anymore. He was a tad bit jealous, but he would never admit that out loud.

“So what do you wanna do about it then?” Jeno replies, still staring straight at the television playing Titanic, “Confront him about it? It’s not like he’s gonna budge. What are you gonna do then, force him to tell you? Huh?”

“Quit being an asshole Jen.” Jaemin slaps Jeno sitting beside him, a frown on his face.

“How about we just, you know, pretend to sleep and wait till he gets up and leaves, then follow him?” Sungchan suggests, equally as worried as Shotaro. Both the former and the latter know how hard it is to be new members of a group that has already debuted. So, they felt the need to let Y/N know that he didn’t have to keep leaving the dorms, for an escape or whatever.

“Then it’s decided,” Jeno speaks up, finally peeling his eyes off the television, “tonight, we find out what the fuck Y/N has been doing for the past 6 weeks.”

✦ 𝙨𝙞𝙭 𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨 𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 ✦

Y/N rises up from his bed, making extra effort not to make a noise. He grabs the hickory duffle bag from under his bed and unzips it to check if he’s had everything for his night out ready. He zips it back just seconds after and drapes it over his shoulder, getting ready to leave. He pulls his hoodie up and ties his black converses before opening the wooden door and leaving the Dream Dorms, oblivious to the boys’ plans.

Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle, Sungchan, Shotaro and Jisung are led from the warmth of their dorms into the cold autumn night as they follow the figure wearing a black hoodie in front of them. The 8 boys walk for what seems like hours, crossing street to street, going through alley to alley, main road to main road as they do nothing but stay in silence and tail the (H/C) boy in front of them. They don’t know how many neon signs they’ve passed by now, only noticing how red ones become more and more evident as they venture deeper into the city.

“I think we’re in the red light district.” Haechan blurts, being met with shushes from the 7 other boys he was with. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Y/N of course, who pauses and turns around, only to look at a dark, empty street behind him. Y/N furrows his brows, confused, as he resumes his amble towards his destination.

Hiding behind garbage bins, the 8 boys sit in disgust as they hide from Y/N, scared of being caught halfway through their stalking session. Haechan peeks his head out and speaks up once again, but this time quietly, “The coast is clear.” All 8 stand up synchronized, noses scrunched as they glare at Haechan.

“No shit sherlock,” Chenle whisper-shouts, hues of scarlet and crimson decorating his face, “it’s red everywhere! Of course we’re in the red light district!”

The others giggle as they stare at Chenle.

“No, you dumbass,” Haechan replies calmly, “a red light district is like a place full of clubs and.. you know…” He trails off as the other seven’s brows furrow.

“Let’s not jump into conclusions,” Sungchan cuts him off, remaining positive, “let’s just keep following him.”

They sneak behind Y/N once again, trying their best not to get caught. It was only a minute or two before they saw Y/N turn a corner. The 8 slowly creeped up on the opening of the alley, just in time to see Y/N enter a building with an indigo sign, which stood out in the sea of bright, neon red signs.

“You don’t think… he’s a…” Jaemin spoke up as all of them shared a glance. The eight of them stood in silence, too scared to speak up, under the illusion that Y/N may be a male stripper. That wouldn’t be a problem but he was… 17.

“Only one way to find out.”

♪♪♪♪...

The deafening music boomed from the speakers, resonating into the indigo aesthetic of the club. Contrary to the word, this side of the club was the opposite of aesthetic: sweaty bodies stuck together, giving the 8 boys an unsettling feeling. They had almost started contemplating on leaving the said club, but not before Jaemin spots a quiet section, free of the sweaty bodies grinding against each other. It wasn’t free of people, per se, as there were a few people making out here and there, but it definitely wasn’t as congested as the indigo dance floor they had previously stood on. They saw vacant seats at the bar and, just like anyone who had been walking and hiding for 30 minutes, took a seat. All 8 of them had their backs turned away from the bar as a familiar voice spoke up.

“What can I get for you?” Y/N asks, a smile forced on his face. Y/N’s blue velvet suit shimmers under the spinning disco ball, exhibiting various accents of blue. Azure, cobalt and lapis and sapphire compliment Y/N’s face as he looks down, glass in one hand and towel on the other, wiping. He’s wearing nothing but a blue velvet blazer as a top, chest out as if he was as the beach. The boys turn around, mouths agape and unable to speak. They lock eyes with Y/N when the latter looks up due to the long, uncomfortable silence, eyes wide open, his body frozen in shock.

Attempting to cover his exposed chest, Y/N drops the glass and immediately places his hands flat on his chest, the feeling of fear, embarrassment and surprise devouring him.

“Y/N what the fuck?” Jeno blows up, completely losing his self control, “What the fuck are you doing in this… this.. strip club? You’re sev-”

Y/N unsticks his palms from his chest and re-sticks it onto Jeno’s mouth, shushing the older. “Shhh. let’s…” he pans his eyes from left to right, staring into his hyung’s disappointed faces, “let’s talk outside. Wait for me.”

The boys head towards the exit as they pass by the cramped dance floor once again, the silver disco ball spinning endlessly above them. They exit the club, the chilly breeze of the autumn night slapping them on the face once again as they step out. They wait in silence, leaning on the wall, occasionally staring at the indigo sign above them. Just as Chenle was about to break the silence, the cushioned doors of the club open slowly, revealing a boy in a more decent outfit. Y/N steps out, head burning holes into the stone floor. As soon as the doors of the club seal shut, all 8 of them went into chaos.

“What the fuck?”

“Is this what you’ve been doing for the past 6 weeks?”

“What are you doing with your life?”

“I can’t believe you’re actually a fucking stripper. What made SM recruit a stripper?”

He let himself get scolded but got caught off guard when Jisung uttered those words. “Wait, stripper?” Y/N looks up from the now-molten floor, eyebrows furrowed, tears pricking the corner of his eyes, “I— how could you even call me that?”

“Don’t act like you didn't have your chest on display before we got there.” Jisung replies, disgust written on his face, “Is this really what you've been doing for the past month and a half? Whoring yourself out? I guess you love people’s attention on your body don’t you?”

The gates of the dam that had held his tears finally gave out, spilling endlessly as Y/N tried to find his words, “I— that’s just the uniform for us bartenders… I work in a club so… we’re required to—”

“Exactly Y/N!” Jaemin shouts, “You’re 17 for fucks sake, why the fuck are you working at a bar? You’re a fucking idol! You're going to be publicly announced as a new member next month! What if people start recognizing you, huh? Then what?”

“I-I’m sorry hyungs. I—” tears gushed from Y/N’s orbs, coating his face, “I just did this for money.” Disgusted looks turned to looks of confusion as the 8 boys stared at Y/N, puzzled.

“M-my mom is in the hospital, she’s dealing with stage iii breast cancer and,” Y/N says, shaking, unable to complete a sentence without stopping, “and my family couldn’t afford the hospital bills, and the company wasn’t paying me yet– and I– I couldn’t wait any longer so when I saw a poster one day, looking for a bartender, I applied and lied about my age. Hyungs I’m really sorry, I- I didn’t do it because- because I liked putting my body on display. To be honest I was really uncomfortable but– but I would do anything for my mom and—”

Y/N pauses as he feels a warmth envelope him, curing his heart’s hypothermia. “We’re sorry. You know we can always lend you a hand, right?” Jaemin says, regretting his thoughts. Renjun adds to the two boys hugging, then Shotaro, then Chenle, and soon enough, all 9 of them are one; all hugging it out in a giant fluff ball, in the aged alleyway under the moonlight.

“I’m sorry,” Jisung states, voice softer as ever, “for calling you that. And, I know your mom is strong, she’ll get through this.”

Y/N felt warmer, and suddenly, under the moonlight, all his worries and doubts vanished. Nothing was more calming than a hug from the 8 boys he loved the most. They stayed like that for as long as Y/N needed, the moonlight’s luminescence lingering in the air.

End.

-

𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙙: 01.11.21

𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙: 01.12.21

[thesmokingguns]

warning: smoking, slight smut, drug use

Wendy and The Lost Boys

CHAPTER FIVE

Sasha sat in class, her notebook open and pen in her mouth as she looked out the window. It had been two weeks since she had been back to the apartment.  After she had hooked up with Nikki she had tried to not be around the guys. Even when she worked at the club she’d call a taxi or Len would pick her up after her shift. She was aware that she was avoiding Nikki but she wasn’t sure what to do to fix it. After she had slept over a couple weeks ago she had worn so much cover up or scarfs to cover the marks Nikki had left on her. When she undressed she had seen the purple hickeys and angry looking bite marks. He had done it to show her not to make him jealous or he’d mark what was his. It wasn’t like she was hooking up with anyone at school. Len was a good boy towards her and she knew he was trying to take it slow before weaseling it to get her. He was one of the guys who were looking for a girl who came to school for a wife degree. But Nikki had made it impossible to even think about fooling around with someone else. All she could think about was the feeling of his mouth on her body and how when he kissed her she couldn't even think. She had known she had a crush on him but it was becoming apparent to her it meant more than she had expected

The sound of books shutting made her aware that the seminar was over. It was a Friday afternoon so everyone was hustling around campus heading home or off to get ready for the night. Sasha was working that night and was scheduled for an earlier afternoon shift the following day. She was only working two days a week unless she picked up other shifts but the money was better than most places. As she slipped into the blue costume she’d be wearing that night she looked around her dorm. With her schedule she needed to stay at the apartment. It made the most sense. She threw everything in her overnight back and headed to the bus stop. She’d need to call Tommy to give him a heads up about staying over.

“Sasha is staying over tonight. I’m going to grab some beers for her because she said she won’t come out with us.” Tommy said headed to the window to leave the apartment Nikki looked up from where he had been writing a song on the couch trying to process what he was told. After they had hooked up Sasha had vanished. She called Tommy sometimes but she wasn't around at all. He had thought about calling her or even driving the fifteen minutes away to her dorm room but there was nothing to really say.

Nikki loved the rockstar lifestyle. He loved the attention women would shower on him at shows or pretty much anywhere on the strip. He loved always having someone giving him booze or drugs when he wanted them and even when he didn’t. He loved all the eyes on the stage watching him and his band play the songs he created. The rush of it all was everything that he had dreamed of in his life. The problem with how much he loved the rockstar life meant that he wasn’t going to settle down. Sasha was a good girl and if there was someone who was worth settling down with it would be her but not now. Now when the band was putting out their first record and she was finishing her first semester of college; it wasn't the time for either of them to commit.

But Nikki hadn’t stopped thinking of her. Even though he knew he couldn’t be with her he still remembered every inch of her body and wanted more of it. He could feel her kiss still racing through him throwing him off balance. He could smell her on his sheets and feel her against him in his dreams. He was hooked on her with constant thoughts that no amount of alcohol or drugs seemed to numb. And now she would be in the apartment tonight and he would know she was there. How was he supposed to hit the Strip thinking of her in the house alone? He groaned, kicking the table sending bottles shattering onto the carpet. The fucking apartment was a mess and he was sure she would start cleaning it without anyone asking her to

They needed to move out of this dump. It was only him and Tommy living there now. Mick had moved in with a girlfriend; he was sick of the constant parting going on, never giving him a break to rest his back and the fact the place was always a mess. Vince had gotten married to his girlfriend Beth and they were renting a place together, playing family in the house well he would come out with the band most nights and run astray, Nikki didn't get the point of getting married and sleeping around like Vince did, They were too young to be worried about having old ladies keeping them in check. He even worried about Mick missing out and he was the old man of the group.Tommy was the youngest and he always managed to have a girlfriend because he thought he loved every other woman he met. Maybe, Nikki though, I’m just cut from a different cloth. He had been by himself for so long he didn’t know what value there was in love.

Sasha shook her head as she lit a cigarette. Tommy had told her that he was going to pick her up after her shift but it was 1120pm and he was twenty minutes late so she didn't expect him to come. She lit her cigarette headed down the strip to the apartment. She hated walking down the strip by herself, not that she was scared but more because she was so used to doing it with one of the Crue boys by her side. She was glad she had changed into her Keds before leaving but made a mental note that she would need to throw her bag at the apartment before her shift or take over one of Tommy’s draws. She yawned as she turned past the Whisky to the apartment hoping that there wasn’t some party going on. She was pleasantly surprised to find the house empty.

“Jesus fuck.” she gagged, her hand flying to cover her mouth at the smell. “I’m going to fucking kill them.” she said to herself. There was trash everywhere and it smelled like they hadn’t done any basic cleaning in months. A ripped up map was hanging outside of the bathroom and she peaked inside and wanted to scream. It had been two weeks since she had been there but a couple months since she cleaned the place. “Fucking children.” she moved into Tommy’s room stepping on a used condom and literally gagging. She was going to kill all of them.She changed into her pair of shorts, even though it was cold and tucked in a sweatshirt with the UCLA logo on the front. If she was going to sleep here she needed to clean it up.

The trash hadn’t been taken out since god knows when, and when she started moving the pile she ran with the cockroaches that came rushing towards her. It took her over an hour to get the trash into the apartment's garbage and by then she was crashing. Sasha took a half of one of her pills that she usually used to help her focus when she was studying. She wanted to get a few hours of cleaning done, not sure that it would actually really do anything to the house but at least someone should put in the effort.

It was three in the morning and she was still going strong, a warm bucket of water and bleach as she cleaned the walls in the living room. Hall and Oates were blaring on the record player as she danced around to the song. She had done all the laundry, dishes, cleaned the bathroom including buying toilet paper, made Tommy and Nikki’s bed, and was still going strong. She clapped her hands as she dropped the rag into the bucket. The sound of the needle skipping had her turning, looking at Nikki. She hadn't heard him come in so her heart had skipped a beat.

“Do you understand people know this is our apartment and we have a reputation to keep up with? You can’t be listening to this shit in the apartment.” he picked the record up, snapping it in half, watching the way her mouth fell open. She was shocked he had gotten so mad that he broke her record that he knew she loved. “Imagine if someone came by and here you are pretending to keep fucking house with your shitty disco music. For someone in college you should use hit fucking head.” she was staring at him, blue eyes watering. Nikki was notorious for being the asshole of the strip but he was never like this with her. Her mouth was open slightly as if she didn’t even know what to say to him yelling at her. She hadn’t been yelled at since the last night with her ex. Nikki moved over only stopping when he saw her flinch at him advancing towards her, her arm coming up like she was going to cover herself. He realized at that moment that he messed up. The tears were falling now and she wiped them with the back of her hands, noticing they were shaking.

“I’m sorry. “ she stepped back, fumbling as she picked up the bucket of water. She was moving to the sink, her heart racing. The water got dumped out and she placed the empty bucket under the kitchen sink. “Can I have my record?” she asked her hands out wanting the two pieces that he was holding. He handed them over not sure what to say. “Thanks.” Sasha stuffed them into the sleeve and headed to Tommy’s room, shutting the door behind her. She wanted to leave the apartment but she was afraid

He knew that he had fucked up as soon as he grabbed the record, snapping it like that and then yelling at her was overkill. The whole night he had been thinking of her back in the apartment. He had been so distracted that he barely realized what or who he was doing. He had thought about staying at the girls house who he had slept with but the idea of leaving Sasha alone in the apartment had him stumbling home. And when he saw her through the window, God she was beautiful. All her blonde hair and her ever present shorts drove him crazy.  The way she was so in her world as she cleaned up all the shit that they had left, taking care of them in a way that only she could care enough to do. He stumbled into his room stopping when she saw the bed made, the empty beer cans cleared out, clothes hanging on the hangers in the closet. So he had fucked up even more because she was just trying to help.

“Fuck.” he was turning to go knock on Tommy’s door before he could talk himself out of it. The door opened and she answered it looking up at him, “I’ll go to Tower Records tomorrow and get you a new record. I shouldn’t have broken it, even though it sucks.” He ran his hands over his head feeling the knots of Aquanet teasing not allowing him to run his fingers through it. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” he didn't want to look at her and see her upset.

“You don’t have to buy me a new record. I shouldn’t have left it here.” there was a tension between them and it was just heightened with the fight they were just having. “And I’m sorry I cleaned the apartment. I just wanted to do something nice since you guys let me stay here.” Of course was doing something nice for him, that’s who she was.

“Are you going to be okay sleeping by yourself?” he looked at her, seeing the way that her eyes flashed almost annoyed at him when he asked that question. Sasha could see the lipstick down his neck and knew if he was coming back to the apartment at 3am that he had been with some girl.

“Yeah. I think I’m getting to be like you, Sixx.” the way her tone was turning bitter surprised the bassist, “I mean you didn’t have to come back here tonight But you like being alone and I respect your space.” She knew where he had been and now he knew she wasn’t going to be the one that acted like he hadnt been fucking someone else.

“I came back here because I knew that you would be here.” Nikki told her, his hand on the door to block it from closing. She was angry at him for hurting her feelings again and mad at how he always was. He thought he was speaking volumes to her but she just looked mad at him.

“So you decided to come here to start a fight with me and break my record. That’s good to know. Now I know where you stand with me.” she was mad at him and her stomach was turning. He was such an idiot and Sasha didn’t know why she liked this moron who never said the right thing. He reached out and she closed her eyes, “I don’t like smelling some other girls perfume on you.” She told him and that was true. Knowing what Nikki did and having to experience it was a lot different.

“So why don’t I go shower and you meet me in my room?” He asked her to look at him so he could kiss her. She shook her head stepping back from him. The fact he was so casual about if made her even more mad.

“We can’t, Nikki. I want too much of you and you don’t want enough of me.” Her words meant nothing to him, despite it being kind of true.

“I think we both want the same thing. Even if it’s just for tonight.” She looked at him giving Nikki the opportunity to kiss her. Once their lips were locked, it was like a free for all. He lifted her easily slamming her into the wall. Her legs were around his waist and her hands buried in his hair. This fire between them as they both were starved for the other.

“I can’t have sex with you.” She managed to get out, making Nikki chuckle his mouth on her throat well he used one of his hands to get up her shirt. The feeling of her breasts in his hands had him pushing into her so she could feel how hard she made him. Sasha was pressed against the wall with him rocking into her wondering if she was going to cum from him dry jumping , “Wait, I’m serious.” She moaned out watching as his green eyes held hers.As much as she wanted to there needed to be a shred of self preservation, “I won’t have sex with you if you’ve slept with someone tonight.” He knew she was serious now and rolled his eyes.

“It’s past midnight. I should get a do over.” She was already wiggling her way to her feet. “You aren’t going to do anything?” He asked, watching her. She shook her head and Nikki wanted to punch something but his temper had already flared once. “What am I supposed to do?” He asked as she moved to go back into Tommy’s room.

“Use your hand and imagination.” The door was almost closed, “Like I’m going to do.” She shut the door hearing him groan and smiling.

“Okay, angel.” Sasha heard him outside the door. “I’ll play by your rules, just for tonight. But I want to either see you or hear you explain everything you’re doing.” She gulped because she couldn’t play games like this with Nikki. He knew more than her and wanted things she didn’t know how to give to him. Nikki couldn’t look and not touch. She knew that as much as he did but she was opening the door anyway letting him pull her into his room already breaking his no touch rule. Sasha was vaguely aware at this point that her feelings were going to get really hurt.

His mouth was on hers, her clothes being discarded before she could even figure out what he was doing. It was like she was falling in a spiral. Nothing made sense and she would collapse if Nikki had his hands on her back pretty much keeping her steady.

“Why does everything feel so good with you?” She whispered as his mouth went lower. He was nudging her on the bed. “Maybe because I feel safe with you and I trust you.” She sighed out wiggling under his hands. His lips were on her hips but when she spoke he stopped looking up at her blue eyes.

“You trust me?” He asked her feeling frozen in the moment. Sasha pushed herself up on her elbows looking at him.

“Of course I trust you. You’re always making sure no one touches me at shows and during the summer you’d split your food with me. You always tell me how things are and don’t sugar coat it. I like that.” Nikki almost fell on his ass. His hands slid up her body moving to kiss her, this time slowing things down instead of rushing her. Sasha surprised him when she rolled on top of him pulling off his shirt. Nikki hadn’t had anyone trust him before. When she confided in him it was like it made something realer between them. There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted her but now he could lose something he didn’t know he valued.

“That’s just how you should treat people.” He said his hands in her hair. She was five years younger than him but they both evened each other out in areas the other didn’t. If he was going to settle down it would be with her. He just needed her to get college so she could sow all her wild oats. She laughed at him and he frowned, “What is funny about what I just said?” he asked her, his hands behind his back. There had never been a time where a girl was naked on his lap and he talked this much. Usually he saved the pillow talk for,...never.

“Nikki, you’re literally one of the rudest people I have ever met in my life. “ he frowned at that and she touched his cheek. The small motion had him looking up at her, redirected, “You literally pissed on someone outside of The Roxy the night of my birthday because you didn’t like his shoes.” he smirked remembering that night. “And I haven’t had the best track record with people so when someone is nice to me it just means a lot.” she seemed to realize that she was naked on top of him but the way his fingers were dancing over her back.

“Do you think I should be mean to you so people don’t know?” he asked her, his hands on her hips pushing Sasha into his body. He did try to be a little mean to her to keep her on her toes and he did have a shitty personality.

“Don’t know what?” she asked, licking her bottom lip as she leaned closer into him. She could drown in kissing Nikki and wouldn’t even ask for a life raft. He did his side smirk, his hand sliding down her cheek and into his hair.

“I think we’ve talked enough, Angel.” he wasn’t going to tell her he liked her and set her up to be hurt even more but Sasha wasn’t going to let him go that easy. Her hands on his shoulders as she looked down at him.

“Tell me.” she was giving him this look, “Or do you want me to guess?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow. His hands were running up and down her sides and she knew that she was getting distracted.

“Forget I said anything, Angel.” he laid her down moving so he could be on top of her. Nikki put his lips on her. She was wiggling again and he sighed. “Why don’t we just sleep if you’re not going to let this go?”he asked her. He rolled holding her in his arms. She was quiet.

“I like you too. Even though you’re a huge asshole. And sometimes you stink from not showering.” She whispered. Nikki listened to her, frowning. The last thing he needed was to hurt her. But Sasha was smart, ambitious, good looking, and Nikki didn’t want to be the one to ruin her shine. Yet he was pulling her closer burying his face in his his as he fell asleep. Everyone was going to get hurt by this.

[bolintheturtleduck]

Song Ranking

So I did that song ranking thing and it took HOURS. literal HOURS. Don’t ever do it, I won’t even link it. I hated doing it. But here is my list. And dare I say my Top 130 is immaculate hjgkhg

Some of this is not really accurate though. Could be me or the generator. Like ‘Cold Hearted’ being 500 something???? Not in my house. 

Also don’t go looking for christmas songs. They are all somewhere down there lmao

Anyways! Let’s go!

1 Nasty / Rhythm Nation

1 Rumour Has It / Someone Like You

3 Be Okay

4 Love You Like A Love Song

4 Seasons Of Love

6 Mustang Sally

7 So Emotional

8 Tightrope

9 Barely Breathing

10 Cough Syrup

11 Shake It Out

11 The Boy Is Mine

13 Back To Black

14 Valerie

15 Paradise By The Dashboard Light

16 River Deep, Mountain High

17 Problem

18 Faithfully

19 Gloria

20 I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You

21 How Will I Know

22 We Are Young

23 How To Be A Heartbreaker

24 Hand In My Pocket / I Feel The Earth Move

25 If I Die Young

26 I Feel Pretty / Unpretty

27 Bust Your Windows

28 Candyman

29 American Boy

30 I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) / You Make My Dreams

31 If I Can't Have You

32 It's All Coming Back To Me Now

33 Crazy / U Drive Me Crazy

34 ABC

35 Bad Romance

36 It's Too Late

37 Hungry Like The Wolf / Rio

38 I Wish

39 Need You Now

40 Landslide

41 Start Me Up / Livin' On A Prayer

42 Thriller / Heads Will Roll

43 What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)

44 There Are Worse Things I Could Do

45 Losing My Religion

46 The Edge Of Glory

47 Teenage Dream (Acoustic Version)

48 Make You Feel My Love

49 My Prerogative

50 Singing In The Rain / Umbrella

51 Songbird

52 Spotlight

53 Mine

54 Take Me Or Leave Me

55 Take Me To Church

56 No Surrender

57 Never Say Never

58 Constant Craving

59 Brave

60 Born This Way

61 Pumpin' Blood

62 Blame It (On The Alcohol)

63 Glad You Came

64 Give Your Heart A Break

65 It's All Over

66 It's Not Right, But It's Okay

67 Everybody Talks

68 Here Comes The Sun

69 Into The Groove

70 In Your Eyes

71 I Don't Want To Know

72 I Lived

73 I Kissed A Girl

74 Halo / Walking On Sunshine

75 You Can't Stop The Beat

76 She's Not There

77 Nutbush City Limits

78 True Colors

79 Can't Fight This Feeling

80 Breakaway

81 Dancing Queen

82 Don't Stop Me Now

83 And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going

84 Empire State Of Mind

85 Doo Wop (That Thing)

86 Arthur's Theme

87 Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy

88 Toxic

89 This Is The New Year

90 Last Name

91 3

92 A Change Would Do You Good

93 Got To Get You Into My Life

94 Tongue Tied

95 Smooth Criminal

96 Papa Don't Preach

97 Animal

97 Another One Bites The Dust

99 Don't Speak

100 Don't You Want Me

101 A Hard Day's Night

102 Some Nights

103 Somebody That I Used To Know

104 Superstition

105 Survivor / I Will Survive

106 My Life Would Suck Without You

107 The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

108 Misery

109 My Love Is Your Love

110 Somewhere Only We Know

111 Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

112 Me Against The Music

113 I Follow Rivers

114 Mean

115 Here's To Us

116 Stronger

117 Summer Nights

118 Make No Mistake, She's Mine

119 Love Song

120 Waiting For A Girl Like You

121 We Got The Beat

122 We Found Love

123 We've Got Tonite

124 Love Shack

125 The Scientist

126 Love Is A Battlefield

127 Run Joey Run

128 Wings

129 When I Get You Alone

130 Uptown Girl

131 Roots Before Branches

132 I'm The Only One

132 I've Gotta Be Me

134 Hopelessly Devoted To You

135 Hit Me With Your Best Shot / One Way Or Another

136 Dinosaur

137 Dog Days Are Over

138 Hung Up

139 Everytime

140 Go Your Own Way

141 Every Breath You Take

142 Fire And Rain

143 Fighter

144 Not While I'm Around

145 Not The Boy Next Door

146 Fly / I Believe I Can Fly

147 Girl On Fire

148 Oops!... I Did It Again

149 Stop! In The Name Of Love / Free Your Mind

150 Stereo Hearts

151 Bills, Bills, Bills

152 Somebody Loves You

153 Hold It Against Me

154 Turning Tables

155 Wide Awake

156 You May Be Right

157 Cell Block Tango

158 A Boy Like That

159 All Out Of Love

160 Alfie

161 Jessie's Girl

162 I'm A Slave 4 U

163 I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

164 I'll Stand By You (Amber)

165 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

166 Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself)

167 Lovefool

168 Just Can't Get Enough

169 Just Give Me A Reason

170 Keep Holding On

171 Like A Virgin

172 New York State Of Mind

173 My Dark Side

174 More Than A Feeling

174 My Cup

176 I Want To Hold Your Hand

177 I Want To Break Free

178 I Want To Know What Love Is

179 I Want You Back

180 Teenage Dream

181 Take My Breath Away

182 America

183 Glory Days

184 I Say A Little Prayer

184 I Wanna Sex You Up

186 I Will Always Love You

187 A Thousand Years

188 Like A Prayer

189 Don't Rain On My Parade

190 Disco Inferno

191 Don't Stop Believin' (Regionals)

192 Dream On

193 Get It Right

194 Gold Digger

195 Telephone

196 Without You

197 You're The One That I Want

198 Tell Him

199 Let Me Love You

200 Good Vibrations

200 Raise Your Glass

202 Run The World (Girls)

203 Gimme More

204 Hey Jude

204 How Deep Is Your Love

206 Higher Ground

207 Vogue

208 Something's Coming

209 Footloose

210 Forget You

211 Gives You Hell

212 Everybody Wants To Rule The World

213 Far From Over

214 Fat Bottomed Girls

215 Hair / Crazy In Love

216 Hall Of Fame

216 Hello

216 Hello, I Love You

216 Somebody To Love

216 Time Warp

216 To Love You More

222 Last Friday Night

223 Hate On Me

224 Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'

225 Locked Out Of Heaven

226 Rose's Turn

227 Everybody Hurts

227 Express Yourself

227 Loser

227 Shout It Out Loud

231 Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours

232 Pompeii

233 Party All The Time

234 Our Day Will Come

235 Perfect

236 Old Time Rock & Roll / Danger Zone

237 Greased Lightning

237 Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

237 Live While We're Young

240 Firework

240 Love Child

242 Fire

243 You're All I Need To Get By

244 The Scientist (Acapella)

245 Afternoon Delight

246 Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)

247 Listen To Your Heart

248 Tik Tok

249 You Keep Me Hangin' On

250 The Rose

251 You Can't Always Get What You

Want

252 Let's Have A Kiki

252 Listen

254 Pretending

255 More Than A Woman

256 More Than Words

257 Hot For Teacher

257 No One Is Alone

257 Not The End

257 Nowadays / Hot Honey Rag 257 O Christmas Tree

257 One Hand, One Heart

257 One

257 Only Child

257 Proud Mary

266 Heroes

267 Hey Ya!

268 Getting Married Today

268 Happy

270 Hell To The No

271 Night Fever

271 Sgt. Pepper's Lonley Hearts Club

Band

273 The Music Of The Night

273 The Only Exception 273 The Rain In Spain 273 The Safety Dance 273 Thousand Miles 278 Billionaire

278 God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 278 The Happening

278 The Lady Is A Tramp

282 Borderline / Open Your Heart 282 Born To Hand Jive

284 Control

284 The Longest Time

286 Give Up The Funk

287 Chasing Pavements

288 Man In The Mirror

288 Say

288 Sexy And I Know It 288 Shout

292 Marry The Night

293 Mamma Mia

294 Loser Like Me

295 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 1)

296 Colorblind

297 Diva

297 Don't Cry For Me Argentina

299 Don't Dream It's Over

300 Let It Be

301 Don't Stop

302 Highway To Hell

302 Hold On

302 Holding Out For A Hero 302 We Will Rock You

302 What I Did For Love

302 What It Feels Like For A Girl

308 Take On Me

309 For Once In My Life

309 Good Riddance (Time Of Your

Life)

309 Hello Goodbye

309 Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love

309 Home

309 Homeward Bound / Home 309 Honesty

309 Human Nature

317 Drive My Car

317 For Good

317 I'll Remember

320 I'll Stand By You (Cory)

321 On My Own

321 Taking Chances

321 The Bitch Is Back / Dress You Up 321 Werewolves Of London

325 My Man

326 My Life

327 My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)

327 Never Going Back Again 327 No Scrubs

330 Creep

331 Come What May

332 Never Can Say Goodbye

333 Who Are You Now?

334 You Give Love A Bad Name

335 Womanizer

336 Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

337 Come See About Me

337 P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) 337 People

337 Popular

337 River

337 Roar

337 Rolling In The Deep 337 Santa Baby

345 Boogie Shoes

346 At Last

347 I'm The Greatest Star

348 Jar Of Hearts

349 It's Time

350 It's My Life / Confessions Part II

351 It's Not Unusual

352 I'm So Excited

352 I'm Still Here

354 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 5) 354 Don't You (Forget About Me) 354 Dreams

354 Unchained Melody

354 Uptown Funk

359 Bohemian Rhapsody

359 Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel) 359 Lucky

362 Don't Stand So Close To Me /

Young Girl

363 Bridge Over Troubled Water

363 Bust A Move

365 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

366 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

(Reprise)

367 Longest Time

368 Applause

369 All Of Me

370 Any Way You Want It

370 Anything Could Happen

372 Red Solo Cup

372 Rock Lobster

372 Rockin' Around The Christmas

Tree 372 Rockstar

376 Saving All My Love For You

377 (I've Had) The Time Of My Life

377 Piano Man 377 Poison 377 Poker Face

381 A House Is Not A Home

382 4 Minutes

383 Black Or White

384 Blackbird

385 All By Myself

385 Smile

385 You Make Me Feel So Young

388 Wrecking Ball

389 (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural

Woman

389 (You're) Having My Baby

391 Superman

392 Ain't No Way

392 Stayin' Alive

394 Still Got Tonight

394 The Most Wonderful Day Of The

Year

394 The Way You Look Tonight / You're Never Fully Dressed Without A

Smile 394 This Time

394 Whatever Happened To Saturday Night?

399 They Long To Be Close To You

400 All About That Bass 400 Sing!

400 So Far Away

400 Some People

404 Addicted To Love

404 Moves Like Jagger / Jumpin' Jack Flash

404 Sing

404 Someday We'll Be Together 404 Somethin' Stupid

404 Something

404 Somewhere

404 Stand

412 Scream

413 Rather Be

414 Next To Me

414 No Air

414 Papa Can You Hear Me? 414 Physical

414 Piece Of My Heart

414 Pinball Wizard

414 Pony

414 Rehab

422 La Isla Bonita

422 Lean On Me

422 Let's Wait Awhile

422 Little Drummer Boy

422 Little Girls

427 Light Up The World

428 Science Fiction Double Feature

428 Silent Night 428 Silly Love Songs

431 Le Jazz Hot

432 Out Here On My Own

432 Pure Imagination

434 School's Out

435 Hey, Soul Sister

435 I Kissed A Girl (Season Six) 435 Sway

438 I Believe In A Thing Called Love

439 I Have Nothing

440 I Am Changing

441 I Saw Her Standing There

441 I Was Here

441 I Won't Give Up

441 I'll Be Home For Christmas 441 I'll Never Fall In Love Again 446 Funny Girl

446 I Look To You

446 I Only Have Eyes For You 446 I Still Believe / Super Bass 446 Story Of My Life

451 I Love New York / New York, New

York

452 What Makes You Beautiful

453 What The World Needs Now

454 An Innocent Man

454 Bad

454 Because You Loved Me

454 Bein' Green

454 ByeByeBye/IWantItThatWay 454 IfIWereABoy

454 Take A Bow

454 Take Me Home Tonight

462 Barracuda

463 Beauty School Drop Out

464 Chandelier

465 Baby It's You

466 It Must Have Been Love

467 At The Ballet

468 Baby One More Time

469 Beautiful

469 Being Alive

469 We Built This City

472 Being Good Isn't Good Enough 472 I Just Can't Stop Loving You 472 I Love It

472 Isn't She Lovely

476 All That Jazz

476 Blurred Lines

476 Bootylicious

476 Extraordinary Merry Christmas 476 Father Figure

476 Fight For Your Right (To Party)

476 Flashdance... What A Feeling

483 I Don't Know How To Love Him

484 Fix You

484 I Could Have Danced All Night 486 Push It

486 Rainbow Connection 486 Rise

489 Promises, Promises

490 Oh Chanukah

490 Ohio

490 One Love (People Get Ready) 490 Only The Good Die Young 494 Baby

494 Dancing With Myself

494 Defying Gravity

497 Baby, It's Cold Outside

498 Cherish / Cherish

498 Christmas Wrapping 498 Closer

498 Downtown

498 Endless Love

498 Forever Young

498 Friday I'm In Love 498 Friday

498 Gangnam Style

498 Get Back

498 Safety Dance

509 Cold Hearted

510 Clarity

511 Centerfold / Hot In Herre

511 Just The Way You Are 513 Jumpin', Jumpin'

513 Kiss

515 Juke Box Hero

515 L-O-V-E

517 Jolene

518 Jump

518 La Cucaracha

520 Dream A Little Dream

521 A Little Less Conversation

521 Beth

521 Bitch

521 Don't Sleep In The Subway 521 Girls Just Want To Have Fun 521 Have Yourself A Merry Little

Christmas 521 Help!

521 I Dreamed A Dream 521 I'm His Child

521 I'm Still Standing 521 Ice Ice Baby

521 Imagine

521 In My Life

521 It's A Man's Man's Man's World 521 Lose My Breath

521 Memory

521 Outcast

521 Over The Rainbow

521 Same Love

521 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town 521 Teach Your Children

521 Tell Me Something Good

521 The Final Countdown

521 Uptight (Everything's Alright) 545 Big Ass Heart

545 I Love L.A.

545 I Melt With You

548 Big Girls Don't Cry

548 Mary's Boy Child

548 O Holy Night

548 On Our Way

548 One Bourbon, One Scotch, One

Beer

548 One Less Bell To Answer

554 Maybe This Time 554 My Favourite Things 554 My Sharona

557 Marry You

558 Cool

559 Cool Kids

560 Celebrity Skin

560 Cheek To Cheek

560 Dance The Night Away

560 Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend / Material Girl

560 Don't Go Breaking My Heart 560 Don't Wanna Lose You

560 Feliz Navidad

560 Here Comes Santa Claus 560 I Know What Boys Like

560 I Know Where I've Been 560 Trouty Mouth

571 Total Eclipse Of The Heart

572 Don't Make Me Over

573 Call Me Maybe

574 We Are The Champions

575 Time After Time

576 Bring Him Home

576 Broadway Baby 576 Buenos Aires 576 Burning Up 576 Yesterday

581 Boys / Boyfriend

582 Mercy

582 You Get What You Give

582 You Have More Friends Than You

Know

582 You Learn / You've Got A Friend

582 You Should Be Dancing

582 You're All The World To Me 582 You're My Best Friend

582 You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' 590 Break Free

590 Jingle Bell Rock 590 Jingle Bells

590 Joy To The World 590 One Of Us

590 Tonight

590 You're The Top

590 You've Got To Hide Your Love

Away

590 Your Song

599 To Sir, With Love

600 Torn

601 Wake Me Up

601 Wannabe

601 Wedding Bell Blues

604 Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me

604 UpUpUp

606 All Or Nothing

606 Alone

606 Cry

606 Leaving On A Jet Plane

606 Let It Go

606 Mickey

606 Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) 606 Mr. Roboto / Counting Stars 606 Try A Little Tenderness

606 U Can't Touch This

606 Uninvited

606 Vacation

606 Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' 606 What Kind Of Fool

606 Whistle

606 Will You Love Me Tomorrow /

Head Over Feet 606 Wishin' And Hoping

606 YouAndI/YouAndI

624 Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

624 Do You Hear What I Hear? 624 Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh

Yeah)

624 Lucky Star

624 Merry Christmas Darling 629 Damn It, Janet

629 Danny's Song

629 Daydream Believer

629 Deck The Rooftop

629 Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead 634 All I Want For Christmas Is You 634 Angels We Have Heard On High 634 Anything Goes / Anything You Can

Do

634 As If We Never Said Goodbye

634 As Long As You're There 634 Bamboleo / Hero

634 Bella Notte

634 Copacabana

634 Do They Know It's Christmas? 634 Last Christmas

634 Let It Snow

634 We Need A Little Christmas

634 Welcome Christmas

634 Whenever I Call You Friend

634 Whip It

634 You Are The Sunshine Of My Life

650 All You Need Is Love

651 Americano / Dance Again

652 Crush

653 Big Spender

653 Make 'Em Laugh

653 White Christmas

653 Yeah!

657 (Charlie Chaplin song)

657 (originally by Michael Bublé) 657 Away In A Manger

657 Baby Got Back

657 Christmas Eve With You 657 Come Sail Away

657 You Are Woman, I Am Man 657 You Spin Me Round (Like A

Record)

665 You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch

666 Starlight Express

666 The Trolley Song

666 The Winner Takes It All

666 There's A Light (Over At The

Frankenstein Place) 670 Take Care Of Yourself

671 Sweet Caroline

672 Ben

672 Best Day Of My Life 672 Blue Christmas

672 Candles

676 Starships

676 Suddenly Seymour 676 Sweet Transvestite

679 Thong Song

680 The Fox (What Does The Fox

Say?)

680 The Living Years

682 The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

682 The First Noël

[angelhummel]

once again i spent hours of my life answering >5000 questions in order to sort almost all of the glee songs ever (there’s 683 songs in the sorter when there’s over 700 on the show) anyway if you wanna see my rankings for those then check it out <3 [also here’s the sorter!]

1 Being Alive 2 Rose's Turn 3 Baby, It's Cold Outside 4 Le Jazz Hot 5 Maybe This Time 6 And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going 7 Come What May 8 To Sir, With Love 9 As If We Never Said Goodbye 10 Valerie 11 Somewhere Only We Know 12 Cough Syrup 13 Teenage Dream 14 Not The Boy Next Door 15 It's Too Late 16 It's My Life / Confessions Part II 17 Start Me Up / Livin' On A Prayer 18 When I Get You Alone 19 The Happening 20 The Boy Is Mine 21 Home 22 Don't You Want Me 23 How Will I Know 24 Bad Romance 25 Not While I'm Around 26 Scream 27 Shake It Out 28 On My Own 29 Hate On Me 30 Bills, Bills, Bills 31 4 Minutes 32 True Colors 33 There Are Worse Things I Could Do 34 Go Your Own Way 35 Jessie's Girl 36 Proud Mary 37 Tongue Tied 38 Last Christmas 39 Somebody Loves You 40 Back To Black 41 Sweet Transvestite 42 For Good 43 At The Ballet 44 Gloria 45 Blame It (On The Alcohol) 46 Like A Prayer 47 So Emotional 48 Misery 49 Nasty / Rhythm Nation 50 Toxic 51 Don't Speak 52 Born This Way 53 Dog Days Are Over 54 Defying Gravity 55 Last Name 56 Womanizer 57 I Will Always Love You 58 Broadway Baby 59 The Lady Is A Tramp 60 I'm A Slave 4 U 61 Centerfold / Hot In Herre 62 Thriller / Heads Will Roll 63 Bust Your Windows 64 Candyman 65 Brave 66 Boys / Boyfriend 67 The Scientist 68 The Scientist (Acapella) 69 Dream On 70 Hey Jude 71 I Lived 72 I'm Still Here 73 I Believe In A Thing Called Love 74 Me Against The Music 75 Like A Virgin 76 My Man 77 Everybody Wants To Rule The World 78 I Have Nothing 79 Blackbird 80 Got To Get You Into My Life 81 Animal 82 3 83 I Follow Rivers 84 Just The Way You Are 85 Constant Craving 86 Don't Stop Me Now 87 Hung Up 88 Let's Have A Kiki 89 Love Shack 90 Marry The Night 91 Hit Me With Your Best Shot / One Way Or Another 92 It's Not Right, But It's Okay 93 I Want To Hold Your Hand 94 All You Need Is Love 95 Getting Married Today 96 Don't Rain On My Parade 97 Don't Stop Believin' (Regionals) 98 We've Got Tonite 99 Smooth Criminal 100 Uptown Girl 101 Sway 102 If I Die Young 103 No One Is Alone 104 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee 105 No Scrubs 106 Mamma Mia 107 Papa Don't Preach 108 Teenage Dream (Acoustic Version) 109 Santa Baby 110 We Found Love 111 Roar 112 She's Not There 113 Spotlight 114 The Way You Look Tonight/You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile 115 Some Nights 116 Rumour Has It / Someone Like You 117 You Make Me Feel So Young 118 You Keep Me Hangin' On 119 I'll Stand By You (Amber) 120 Hand In My Pocket / I Feel The Earth Move 121 Crazy / U Drive Me Crazy 122 Funny Girl 123 Cold Hearted 124 Keep Holding On 125 Bye Bye Bye / I Want It That Way 126 I Know Where I've Been 127 I Kissed A Girl (Season Six) 128 Hopelessly Devoted To You 129 Homeward Bound / Home 130 Into The Groove 131 Hold On 132 Tell Him 133 Nutbush City Limits 134 Because You Loved Me 135 Perfect 136 Cherish / Cherish 137 Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) 138 Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead 139 You Are The Sunshine Of My Life 140 Tik Tok 141 The Safety Dance 142 Oops!... I Did It Again 143 Run Joey Run 144 Time Warp 145 Something's Coming 146 Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go 147 The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face 148 Vogue 149 Downtown 150 Diva 151 Dancing With Myself 152 Rockstar 153 Wrecking Ball 154 We Are Young 155 I Saw Her Standing There 156 Jumpin', Jumpin' 157 Just Can't Get Enough 158 Take Me To Church 159 Wannabe 160 It's All Over 161 Take Me Home Tonight 162 If I Were A Boy 163 Landslide 164 Pompeii 165 The Bitch Is Back / Dress You Up 166 Christmas Wrapping 167 Buenos Aires 168 Call Me Maybe 169 You Can't Stop The Beat 170 Seasons Of Love 171 Safety Dance 172 Dream A Little Dream 173 Alfie 174 I Want To Break Free 175 Baby One More Time 176 A House Is Not A Home 177 Daydream Believer 178 I Don't Know How To Love Him 179 Hungry Like The Wolf / Rio 180 Suddenly Seymour 181 People 182 Silly Love Songs 183 Love Song 184 Shout It Out Loud 185 Some People 186 One Of Us 187 Sing! 188 Up Up Up 189 Torn 190 Popular 191 This Is The New Year 192 Paradise By The Dashboard Light 193 Let It Snow 194 Let It Be 195 Never Can Say Goodbye 196 Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me 197 La Isla Bonita 198 Tightrope 199 My Love Is Your Love 200 Love Is A Battlefield 201 Losing My Religion 202 Total Eclipse Of The Heart 203 This Time 204 I Dreamed A Dream 205 Leaving On A Jet Plane 206 Locked Out Of Heaven 207 Chandelier 208 Girl On Fire 209 Telephone 210 Don't Cry For Me Argentina 211 Human Nature 212 Halo / Walking On Sunshine 213 Anything Goes / Anything You Can Do 214 Make You Feel My Love 215 Stronger 216 Nowadays / Hot Honey Rag 216 Pumpin' Blood 218 Papa Can You Hear Me? 219 Summer Nights 220 Sweet Caroline 221 Superstition 222 We Will Rock You 223 Alone 224 Hello, I Love You 225 Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now) 226 A Hard Day's Night 227 Mine 228 My Prerogative 229 Beauty School Drop Out 230 My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It) 231 Extraordinary Merry Christmas 232 Every Breath You Take 233 Express Yourself 234 Everybody Talks 235 Everytime 236 Marry You 237 Moves Like Jagger / Jumpin' Jack Flash 238 My Favorite Things 239 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town 240 River Deep, Mountain High 241 My Life Would Suck Without You 242 Be Okay 243 Applause 244 Cool 245 All I Want For Christmas Is You 246 American Boy 247 Cell Block Tango 248 Breakaway 249 Don't Dream It's Over 250 Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself) 251 Whatever Happened To Saturday Night? 252 Without You 253 Science Fiction Double Feature 254 Loser Like Me 255 I Kissed A Girl 256 I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You 257 I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) / You Make My Dreams 258 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 5) 259 Empire State Of Mind 260 Old Time Rock & Roll / Danger Zone 261 Take My Breath Away 262 You Get What You Give 263 Take On Me 264 Beautiful 265 It's Time 266 ABC 267 Afternoon Delight 268 Don't Stand So Close To Me / Young Girl 269 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 1) 270 Colorblind 271 Cool Kids 272 Dancing Queen 273 Songbird 274 Somebody That I Used To Know 275 Singing In The Rain / Umbrella 276 I Feel Pretty / Unpretty 277 Borderline / Open Your Heart 278 In My Life 279 I'm Still Standing 280 Blow Me (One Last Kiss) 281 Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? 282 Do They Know It's Christmas? 283 Mustang Sally 284 Pinball Wizard 285 Anything Could Happen 286 America 287 Any Way You Want It 288 Higher Ground 289 Flashdance... What A Feeling 290 My Life 291 Let It Go 292 If I Can't Have You 293 L-O-V-E 294 Closer 295 Addicted To Love 296 Heroes 297 A Boy Like That 298 Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend / Material Girl 299 Holding Out For A Hero 300 Dinosaur 301 Disco Inferno 302 Party All The Time 303 Raise Your Glass 304 Push It 305 Lean On Me 306 Pure Imagination 307 Lovefool 308 Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' 309 Americano / Dance Again 310 All Of Me 311 At Last 312 Promises, Promises 313 Hair / Crazy In Love 314 Happy Xmas (War Is Over) 315 Chasing Pavements 316 Don't You (Forget About Me) 317 Love Child 318 School's Out 319 Poker Face 320 Boogie Shoes 321 Bootylicious 322 I Love New York / New York, New York 323 One Less Bell To Answer 324 Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours 325 Rehab 326 I Don't Want To Know 327 Shout 328 I'm The Greatest Star 329 I Love It 330 Never Say Never 331 Juke Box Hero 332 One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer 333 Glad You Came 334 For Once In My Life 335 Here Comes The Sun 336 Baby It's You 337 Drive My Car 338 Last Friday Night 339 Roots Before Branches 340 The Only Exception 341 Survivor / I Will Survive 342 All Or Nothing 343 Time After Time 344 You're The One That I Want 345 Yeah! 346 Starships 347 You've Got To Hide Your Love Away 348 Story Of My Life 349 Something 350 We Need A Little Christmas 351 Gold Digger 352 Beth 353 Fighter 354 Forget You 355 How To Be A Heartbreaker 356 Get Back 357 Love You Like A Love Song 358 There's A Light (Over At The Frankenstein Place) 359 We Got The Beat 360 Make 'Em Laugh 361 Sing 362 U Can't Touch This 363 Try A Little Tenderness 364 Pony 365 On Our Way 366 Lucky Star 367 Loser 368 Over The Rainbow 369 Outcast 370 Stop! In The Name Of Love / Free Your Mind 371 What Makes You Beautiful 372 Will You Love Me Tomorrow / Head Over Feet 373 Wide Awake 374 Wishin' And Hoping 375 Yesterday 376 Out Here On My Own 377 You're All The World To Me 378 Somethin' Stupid 379 Someday We'll Be Together 380 River 381 The Longest Time 382 Somebody To Love 383 The Edge Of Glory 384 The Most Wonderful Day Of The Year 385 Lucky 386 Memory 387 Mary's Boy Child 388 Longest Time 389 My Dark Side 390 Taking Chances 391 The First Noël 392 Smile 393 Celebrity Skin 394 All That Jazz 395 A Thousand Years 396 Big Girls Don't Cry 397 Ain't No Way 398 Don't Sleep In The Subway 399 Doo Wop (That Thing) 400 Don't Stop 401 Uptight (Everything's Alright) 402 New York State Of Mind 403 Turning Tables 404 Vacation 405 Fire 406 Hold It Against Me 407 I've Gotta Be Me 408 Endless Love 409 Run The World (Girls) 410 Saving All My Love For You 411 Give Up The Funk 412 I Am Changing 413 I Melt With You 414 I Could Have Danced All Night 415 Fat Bottomed Girls 416 Hot For Teacher 417 Never Going Back Again 418 Imagine 419 Jolene 420 Arthur's Theme 421 Damn It, Janet 422 Control 423 Barracuda 424 Copacabana 425 Barely Breathing 426 I Look To You 427 Come Sail Away 428 Jump 429 Clarity 430 Friday I'm In Love 431 Jar Of Hearts 432 It's Not Unusual 433 Footloose 434 Here Comes Santa Claus 435 Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy 436 Help! 437 Greased Lightning 438 Hell To The No 439 All Out Of Love 440 (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman 441 Candles 442 All By Myself 443 Hello Goodbye 444 It's A Man's Man's Man's World 445 I Say A Little Prayer 446 It Must Have Been Love 447 Just Give Me A Reason 448 Come See About Me 449 Born To Hand Jive 450 I Want To Know What Love Is 451 I Wish 452 I'll Remember 453 Get It Right 454 (I've Had) The Time Of My Life 455 I'll Stand By You (Cory) 456 Forever Young 457 A Change Would Do You Good 458 Smile (Charlie Chaplin song) 459 Best Day Of My Life 460 An Innocent Man 461 Dreams 462 All About That Bass 463 Home (originally by Michael Bublé) 464 Black Or White 465 Baby 466 Bad 467 Problem 468 Oh Chanukah 469 What Kind Of Fool 470 Wings 471 You're My Best Friend 472 You're All I Need To Get By 473 White Christmas 474 Whenever I Call You Friend 475 Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' 476 What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger) 477 Wedding Bell Blues 478 More Than A Feeling 479 More Than A Woman 480 Our Day Will Come 481 P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) 482 Here's To Us 483 Honesty 484 Hall Of Fame 485 It's All Coming Back To Me Now 486 Teach Your Children 487 Night Fever 488 What The World Needs Now 489 Listen 490 Let Me Love You 491 Live While We're Young 492 Light Up The World 493 Trouty Mouth 494 Werewolves Of London 495 Kiss 496 Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 497 Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) 498 Mickey 499 Mean 500 Mercy 501 Merry Christmas Darling 502 Let's Wait Awhile 503 Man In The Mirror 504 Rather Be 505 Rise 506 Good Vibrations 507 Faithfully 508 Firework 509 How Deep Is Your Love 510 Fix You 511 Fire And Rain 512 Give Your Heart A Break 513 Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree 514 Little Girls 515 Cry 516 Bust A Move 517 Bridge Over Troubled Water 518 Bring Him Home 519 Cheek To Cheek 520 Break Free 521 As Long As You're There 522 Big Ass Heart 523 Bitch 524 Bamboleo / Hero 525 Away In A Manger 526 Deck The Rooftop 527 Christmas Eve With You 528 Angels We Have Heard On High 529 Creep 530 Crush 531 Make No Mistake, She's Mine 532 Lose My Breath 533 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee (Reprise) 534 What I Did For Love 535 Wake Me Up 536 Thousand Miles 537 Take A Bow 538 Still Got Tonight 539 The Music Of The Night 540 Stereo Hearts 541 The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late) 542 Take Me Or Leave Me 543 I'm The Only One 544 Isn't She Lovely 545 I Just Can't Stop Loving You 546 I'll Never Fall In Love Again 547 Unchained Melody 548 You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch 549 You Have More Friends Than You Know 550 You Should Be Dancing 551 I'm His Child 552 You Learn / You've Got A Friend 553 Somewhere 554 So Far Away 555 Uptown Funk 556 The Winner Takes It All 557 They Long To Be Close To You 558 Tonight 559 Being Good Isn't Good Enough 560 You May Be Right 561 To Love You More 562 Don't Wanna Lose You 563 Do You Hear What I Hear? 564 Ice Ice Baby 565 Don't Go Breaking My Heart 566 Don't Make Me Over 567 I Won't Give Up 568 I'll Be Home For Christmas 569 I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For 570 I Still Believe / Super Bass 571 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) 572 I Want You Back 573 Father Figure 574 Everybody Hurts 574 Gangnam Style 576 We Are The Champions 577 Stayin' Alive 578 Superman 579 The Rose 580 Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel) 581 Fly / I Believe I Can Fly 582 Gives You Hell 583 I Love L.A. 584 Mr. Roboto / Counting Stars 585 O Holy Night 586 Only The Good Die Young 587 One 588 Silent Night 589 Piano Man 590 Sexy And I Know It 591 Sgt. Pepper's Lonley Hearts Club Band 592 Pretending 593 Physical 594 Danny's Song 595 Stand 596 The Final Countdown 597 You Can't Always Get What You Want 598 You Are Woman, I Am Man 599 You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' 600 Your Song 601 Say 602 No Air 603 Need You Now 604 No Surrender 605 Piece Of My Heart 606 Thong Song 607 Blurred Lines 608 Another One Bites The Dust 609 I Was Here 610 Bella Notte 611 I Know What Boys Like 612 God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 613 Glory Days 614 Friday 615 More Than Words 616 Waiting For A Girl Like You 617 Welcome Christmas 618 You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) 619 You Give Love A Bad Name 620 We Built This City 621 Whistle 622 Who Are You Now? 623 You And I / You And I 624 Take Care Of Yourself 625 Tell Me Something Good 626 The Rain In Spain 627 Can't Fight This Feeling 628 Jingle Bell Rock 629 In Your Eyes 630 Hello 631 Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) 632 I Only Have Eyes For You 633 Jingle Bells 634 Joy To The World 635 I Wanna Sex You Up 636 Fight For Your Right (To Party) 637 Feliz Navidad 638 I'm So Excited 639 Uninvited 640 The Living Years 641 The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?) 642 O Christmas Tree 643 One Love (People Get Ready) 644 Ohio 645 Only Child 646 Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love 647 My Sharona 648 Dance The Night Away 649 Poison 650 My Cup 651 Not The End 652 What It Feels Like For A Girl 653 Listen To Your Heart 654 Little Drummer Boy 655 One Hand, One Heart 656 Bein' Green 657 Big Spender 658 Billionaire 659 Ben 660 Gimme More 661 Burning Up 662 Hey Ya! 663 Hey, Soul Sister 664 Baby Got Back 665 Blue Christmas 666 Bohemian Rhapsody 667 Far From Over 668 The Trolley Song 669 Starlight Express 670 Whip It 671 You're The Top 672 Red Solo Cup 673 Next To Me 674 Rolling In The Deep 675 Rainbow Connection 676 La Cucaracha 677 (You're) Having My Baby 678 A Little Less Conversation 679 Happy 680 Highway To Hell 681 Same Love 682 Rock Lobster 683 Girls Just Want To Have Fun

[kitkatwinchester]

Happy Fanfic Writer Friday!!! What song lyric best represents one (or more) of your fics?

Happy (late) Fanfic Writer Friday!! 

Oooooooh!! 

Alright. You all know how much I love these questions, so you shouldn’t be surprised that I am of course going to do this for every single fic, ‘cause it’s fun. :) 

Also, as such, you should not be surprised that it’s late. XD 

Here goes nothing! 

P.S. Since it’s up on both sites now, I’m going to use the version of The Diamond Girl that’s on AO3, ‘cause I like that one more. XD 

P.P.S. Some of these are a lot longer than others, ‘cause I felt like I had to put a whole line (or five) to really get the full impact lol. 

In Alphabetical Order:

QuoteV

An Angel and a Human: We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame, watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame, ‘cause we were, ‘cause we were, ‘cause we were, ‘cause we were born for this, we were born for this (Born for This by The Score)

Finally: Time after time, you refuse to even listen, I wouldn’t mind, if I knew what I was missing (You Won’t See Me by The Beatles)

Invictus: We’re not related but here’s good news, friends are the family you can choose (Friends are Family by Oh, Hush!)

Love Will Remember: I know it inside my heart, forever will forever be ours, even if we try to forget, love will remember (Love Will Remember by Selena Gomez)

Sibling Love: What if I’m far from home, oh brother I will hear you call, what if I lose it all, oh sister I will help you out, oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do (Hey Brother by Avicii)

Supernatural Adventures in Babysitting: My world is waiting, don’t want to stop, give up, I want it all ‘cause I just ain’t had enough, keep up, we’re gonna show the world that there’s just no stopping us (Wildside by Sabrina Carpenter and Sofia Carson)

The Third Winchester: You could give me hell, you could give me death, right before I bend, I will have revenge, fire through my veins, I will fan the flames, until my dying breath, ‘cause I will never go down any other way (Any Other Way by We the Kings)

The Untold Past: Truth is that it was always going to end, this symphony buzzing in my head, took a market of filth, and sold like summer (The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty by Panic! At The Disco)

Archive of Our Own

5 Times Pepper Reminded Tony She’ll Always Be There for Him and 1 Time He Reminded Her: I will show you the way back home, never leave you all alone, I will stay until the morning comes, I’ll show you how to live again, and heal the brokenness within, let me love you when you come undone (Right Here by Ashes Remain)

Always and Forever: Here’s to the ones that we got, cheers to the wish you were here but you’re not ‘cause the drinks bring back all the memories, of everything we’ve been through (Memories by Maroon 5)

Checking In (On You): You’ll always have my shoulder when you cry, I’ll never let go, never say goodbye, you know you can count on me like one, two, three, I’ll be there, and I know when I need it I can count on you like four, three, two, and you’ll be there (Count On Me by Bruno Mars)

Don’t Mention It, Sammy: So hold on, no matter what we’ll take our bruises and our bumps, but know until kingdom come, you’re not alone, and if this world goes up in flames, just take my hand, don’t be afraid, I’ll fight for you until my days on Earth are done, ‘cause two hearts are better than one (Better Than One by The Score)

Family Traditions: Just close your eyes, the sun is going down, you’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now, come morning light, you and I’ll be safe and sound (Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift)

I’ll Be There: I’m only one call away, I’ll be there to save the day, Superman got nothing on me, I’m only one call away (One Call Away by Charlie Puth)

Love in Not So Many Words: I never knew anybody ‘til I knew you, and I know when it rains, oh, it pours, and I know I was born to be yours (Born to Be Yours by Imagine Dragons & Kygo)

My Favorite Troublemakers: You are loved more than you know, I hereby pledge all of my days, to prove it so, though your heart is far too young to realize, the unimaginable light you hold inside (Light by Sleeping at Last)

Never Again: Help, I need somebody, help, not just anybody, help, you know I need someone, help (Help! by The Beatles) 

Nothing Wrong with Being Yourself: When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown ‘em out, I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be, this is me (This Is Me by Keala Settle)

S’More Family Time: This is a place where I don’t feel alone, this is a place where I feel at home, ‘cause I built a home for you, for me (To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra)

The Diamond Girl: My power’s turned on, starting right now I’ll be strong, I’ll play my fight son, and I don’t really care if nobody else believes, ‘cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me (Fight Song by Rachel Platten)

The Meaning of Christmas: So I’m offering this simple phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two, although it’s been said, many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you (The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole)

This Is Where...: We say goodbye, we hold on tight, to these memories that never die (Time of Our Lives by Tyrone Wells)

To An Amazing Big Brother: If you’re lookin’ for hope tonight, raise your hand, if you’re feelin’ alone and don’t understand, if you’re fightin’ in the fight of your life, then stand, we’re gonna make it through this hand-in-hand, and if we fall, we will fall together (Together by For King and Country)

Training Session: I wanna be like you, I wanna walk like you, talk like you, too (I Wanna Be Like You from The Jungle Book)

Welcome to Your New Home: Tell me why the world never fights fair, I’m trying to find home, a place where I can go, to take this off my shoulders, someone take me home (Home by Daughtry)

We’re Winchesters: Fire, faster, everlasting, higher, faster, never crashing, bet you didn’t think that I’d come back to life, stronger (Stronger by The Score)

What You Do For Family: When you lose your feet, fall down to your knees, and your heart’s about to break, I will be your saving grace, when your eyes can’t see, take. my eyes from me, when you’re lost and losing faith, I will be your saving grace (Saving Grace by Kodaline)

Where Life Begins and Love Never Ends: There is no power on earth like your father’s love, so big and so strong as your father’s love (Your Father’s Love by Gary Valenciano)

Who Knew Birthdays Could Be So Complicated: So if you’ve got an anxious heart, you’re not the only one, and I won’t let you fall apart, if you won’t let me run (The Village, the Wolf, and the Boy by Taylor Barrett)

Some of these don’t really fit as well as I’d like them to, but I think they all still work lol. And most of them are pretty spot-on! 

Thanks so much for asking this! Sorry it took me so long to answer, but I really loved this question! <3 

[popentertainmentconcertreviews]

Firefly Music Festival – The Woodlands- Dover, DE – September 23 to 26, 2021 (A PopEntertainment.com Concert Review)

Although this was the first Firefly Festival back after a year and a half off due to the COVID-19 pandemic – or perhaps because of it – fans were more eager than ever before to run through the gates to the four-day-long festival.

This was the second year of Firefly being under the ownership of AEG Presents, and the hard work the company put into creating the best possible experience for fans and artists definitely was clear. Taking place in The Woodlands of Dover, Delaware, right next to Dover International Speedway, this year’s lineup included Billie Eilish, The Killers, Tame Impala, Lizzo, Phoebe Bridgers, Cage The Elephant, Megan Thee Stallion, and many more fan-favorites. The diversity of genres of artists performing is what makes Firefly such a special experience. 

What makes Firefly unique isn’t just the performances, but the atmosphere and the overall experience. Since its start in July 2012, festivalgoers are offered the chance to camp at the festival, whether that be in an RV, a glamping site, or just a pop-up tent and sleeping bag. The ability to camp on festival grounds gives festival-goers easy access to the music, activities, shopping, and food that Firefly has to offer.

The festival has several options of different price ranges for camping at the festival. These includi South Tent Camping (within walking distance from the festival) and North Tent Camping (within walking distance from the festival and includes a private entrance to the event, as well as exclusive hang-out spots). There is also Meadows Glamping (includes twin or queen-sized beds, air conditioning, and concierge service), Infield Glamping (includes pre-set tents in the race track, complete with a private lounge, air-conditioned restrooms, shower passes, power courses, and shuttles to the festival), Then there is infield RV Camping (includes a plot big inside the race track, spacious enough for an RV and plenty of space to spare), and many more options from affordable to a well-deserved splurge! 

Even if festivalgoers are unable to camp at the festival, they are still able to have the full Firefly experience with the various activities inside of the festival.  This year, the experience includes The Treehouse, The Thicket Silence Disco, The Nest, The North Hub Beach Club, The Roller Rink, The Hammock Hangout, Firefly’s first-ever Pride Parade, and much more!

The Treehouse is perfect for festivalgoers who want to unwind and listen to acoustic performances, as well as interviews with budding artists. If you are looking for a dance break with friends complete with your own personal set of headphones to hear some tunes, The Thicket Silent Disco is right up your alley. If you want to continue the party with DJs nestled among the trees, even after headliners are finished performing, you should definitely check out The Nest.

The North Hub Beach Club, running all weekend long, is the perfect spot to relax, cool down with drinks from the Tiki Bar, play volleyball, and return later in the night for an electric silent disco. Need a break from the performances and want to let loose and have fun with friends? We would totally recommend checking out the new Roller Rink in the North Hub! Our favorite spot to literally hang out is back-- The Hammock Hangout! This year, we were so excited to attend the festival’s first Pride Parade, led by Monique Heart and LaLaRi! 

Firefly has always had the most fire food options, and this year was the best yet. The food option lineup included everything from “BBQ Bueno”, “Island Noodles”, and “Two Guys Chicken & Fries” to “Nomad Coffee”, “Carvel Ice Cream”, and even “Rita’s Water Ice”! The eating options at the festival have definitely been more inclusive and aware of food sensitivities and allergies, veganism, vegetarianism, and the basic picky eater. You can’t have a great festival without great food, and Firefly nailed it. 

Another aspect of this year’s festival that we love is that nearly almost every performance was live-streamed powered by Mandolin, so people unable to attend could watch from the comfort of their own home or campsite. Virtual meet and greet experiences were also offered this year to assure the safety of fans and artists, alike, which definitely makes the experience just as special for those who could not physically be at this year’s Firefly Festival. “Live From Firefly” also offered fans the option to be notified when their favorite performers would be on, so they wouldn’t miss a second of the action. 

Thursday night’s headliners included Billie Eilish, Phoebe Bridgers, Girl in Red, Marc Rebillet, and more. Even though there was a bit of a rain delay, festivalgoers kept their electric energy when the gates finally opened that night. While some walked onto the festival grounds admiring the sparkling LED lights all around, others ran to secure a spot at the stage at which their favorite performances would be held.

Phoebe Bridgers lit up the stage, stepping out in her iconic rhinestone-covered skeleton top. She played hits such as “Motion Sickness” and “Kyoto” as well as a cover of comedian Bo Burnham’s “That Funny Feeling.”

Up next was the iconic Billie Eilish. We spoke to several fans before the show and they said they ran straight to the Firefly stage the second the gates opened to see Billie, nearly 4 hours before she would come out. Once the stage lights went out, the audience went wild in anticipation of Billie’s long-awaited performance. She played new songs like “Happier Than Ever” and “Oxytocin”, then some older hits for her die-hard fans including “Ocean Eyes”, “bellyache”, and “ilomilo.”

Friday’s performances were definitely ones for the books. Headliners included Cage the Elephant, The Killers, Wiz Khalifa, Band of Horses, and Ian Dior. Multiple time performers, Cage the Elephant, took the stage by storm with hit songs “Come a Little Closer”, “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked”, and obviously “Cigarette Daydreams”. By the way that the fans sang their hearts out, we could tell this this performance was much needed. Up next on the Backyard stage, Wiz Khalifa fans who waited all day, finally got to catch his performance. Wiz got the crowd dancing with “Black and Yellow”, “Roll Up”, and “We Dem Boyz.”

 Saturday’s thrilling performances included those by Tame Impala, Roddy Rich, Diplo, Glass Animals, and many more. Tame Impala’s “The Less I Know the Better” and “New Person, Same Old Mistakes” took fans on a spiritual ride, complete with astonishing visuals on the screens, and a captivating light show. Though it was late in the night, Diplo got festivalgoers on their feet with his performance featuring rhythmic remixes of various hit songs. Fans were adorned with glowsticks throughout the audience, adding to the festival’s ambiance. 

Though it was the last day, headliners Lizzo, Megan Thee Stallion, and Machine Gun Kelly finished off Firefly Festival 2021 with a bang. Lizzo fans were ecstatic to hear top hits “Juice” and “Rumors”, accompanied by a breathtaking performance, Megan Thee Stallion fans were not close to disappointed after hearing and shaking it along to “Savage” and “Body”, and Machine Gun Kelly fans rocked out to “I Think I’m OKAY”, “ex’s best friend”, and even a cover of Paramore’s “Misery Business”. It is safe to say that this year had one of the best lineups yet. 

This year’s festival most definitely made up for lost time during the pandemic. Though this is only AEG Presents’ second year of ownership over Firefly, they did an outstanding job of organizing an insane lineup, fun activities, and creating a weekend that people will never forget.

While we are all sad to see this year’s Firefly Festival come to an end, we cannot wait to see what is in store for next year! 

Kayla Marra

Copyright ©2021 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved. Posted: September 28, 2021.

Photos by Isa Barnett and Kayla Marra © 2021. All rights reserved.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Riot Fest 2021: 9/16-9/19, Douglass Park

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Much like Pitchfork Music Festival earlier this month, this past weekend’s Riot Fest felt relatively normal. Arriving at Douglas Park every day, you were greeted by the usual deluge of attendees in Misfits t-shirts and dyed hair, the sound of faint screams and breakneck guitars and drums emanating from nearby stages. The abnormal aspects of the fest, at least as compared to previous incarnations, we’re already used to by now from 2021 shows: To get in, you had to show proof of vaccination and/or a negative test no older than 48 hours, which means that unvaxxed 4-day attendees had to get multiple tests. Props to the always awesome staff at Riot Fest for actually checking the cards against the names on government-issued IDs.

For a festival that dealt with a plethora of last-minute changes due to bands dropping out because of COVID-19 caution (Nine Inch Nails, Pixies, Dinosaur Jr.) or other reasons (Faith No More/Mr. Bungle because of concerns around Mike Patton’s well-being), there were very few bumps in the road. Whether Riot Fest had bands like Slipknot, Anthrax, or Rise Against in their back pocket as replacements or not, it very much felt like who we saw Thursday-Sunday was always supposed to be the lineup, even when laying your eyes on countless “Death to the Pixies” shirts. Sure, one of the fest’s main gimmicks--peeling back the label on Goose Island’s Riot Fest Sucks Pale Ale to reveal the schedule--was out of date with inaccurate set times and bands, and it still would have been so had Faith No More and Mr. Bungle stayed, since Fucked Up had to drop out last minute due to border issues. But the festival, as always, rolled with the punches.

The sets themselves offered the circle pit and crowdsurfing-inducing punk and metal you’re used to, with a few genre outliers. For so many bands of all styles, Riot Fest represented their first live show in years, and a few acts knew the exact number of days since their last show. For every single set, the catharsis in the crowd and on stage was palpable, not exactly anger, or elation, but pure release.

Here were our favorite sets of the festival, in chronological order.

WDRL

Last October, WDRL (which, amazingly, stands for We Don’t Ride Llamas) announced themselves with a Tweet: “y’all been looking for an alt black band,, well here you go”. A band of Gen Z siblings, Chase (lead guitar), Max (lead vocals), Blake (drums), and Kit Mitchell (bass guitar), WDRL is aware, much like Meet Me @ The Altar (who, despite my hyping, I couldn’t make it in time to see) that they’re one of too few bands of POCs in the Riot Fest-adjacent scene. Their set, one of the very first of the weekend during Thursday’s pre-party, showed them leading by example, the type of band to inspire potentially discouraged Black and brown folks to start punk bands. Max is a terrific vocalist, able to scream over post-punk, scat over funk, and coo over slow, soulful R&B swayers with the same ease. The rest of the band was equally versatile, able to pivot on a dime from scuzzy rock to hip hop to twinkling dream pop. Bonus points for covering Splendora’s “You’re Standing On My Neck”, aka the Daria theme song.

Joyce Manor

Joyce Manor’s self-titled debut is classic. The best part of it as an album play-through at a festival? It’s so short that you can hear it and you’ll still have half a set for other favorites. So while the bouncy “Orange Julius”", “Ashtray Petting Zoo”, and ultimate singalong “Constant Headache” were set highlights, the Torrance, CA band was able to burn through lots from Never Hungover Again, Cody, Million Dollars to Kill Me, and their rarities collection Songs From Northern Torrance. Apart from not playing anything from Of All Things I Will Soon Grow Tired (seriously, am I the only one who loves that record?), Joyce Manor were stellar, from the undeniable hooks of “Heart Tattoo” to the churning power chords of “Catalina Fight Song”. After playing “Christmas Card”, Johnson and company gave one final nod to the original fest cancellation, My Chemical Romance, who were slated to headline 2020, then 2021, and now 2022. If you ever wondered what it would sound like hearing a concise punk band like Joyce Manor take on the bombast of “Helena”, you found out. Hey, it was actually pretty good!

Patti Smith

Behold: a full Patti Smith set! After being shafted by the weather last time around, a sunglasses-laden Smith decided not to fuck around, leading with the inspiring “People Have The Power”, her voice as powerful as I’ve ever heard it. Maybe it was the influence of Riot Fest, but she dropped as many f-bombs as Corey Taylor did during Slipknot’s Sunday night headlining set. After reluctantly signing an adoring crowd member’s copy of Horses, she quipped, “I feel bad for you have to cart that fucking thing around.” It wasn’t just the filthy banter: This was Smith at her most enraptured and incendiary, belting during “Because The Night” and spitting during a “Land/Gloria” medley, reciting stream-of-consciousness hallucinogenic lyrics about the power of escape in the greatest display of stamina the festival had to offer.

Circa Survive

“It feels good to dance,” declared Circa Survive lead singer Anthony Green. The heart and soul of the Philadelphia rock band, who cover ground from prog rock to post-hardcore and emo, Green was in full form during the band’s early Friday set, his falsetto carrying the rolling “The Difference Between Medicine and Poising Is in the Dose” and the chugging “Rites of Investiture”. While the band, too, can throw down, they’re equally interesting when softer and more melodic, Brendan Ekstrom‘s twinkling guitars lifting “Child of the Desert” and “Suitcase”. Ending with the one-two punch of debut Juturna’s introspective “Act Appalled” and Blue Sky Noise’s skyward “Get Out”, Green announced the band would have a new record coming soon, one you hope will cover the sonic and thematic ground of even just those two tracks.

Thrice

Thrice played their first show since February 2020 the same day they’d release their 11th studio album, Horizons/East (Epitaph). To a crowd of fans that came to hear their favorite songs, though, the Irvine, California band knew better than to play a lot of the new record, instead favoring tracks like The Artist in the Ambulance’s spritely title cut and Vheissu standout “The Earth Will Shake”. Yeah, they led with a Horizons/East song making its live debut, the dreamy, almost Deftones-esque “Scavengers”, and later in the set they’d reveal the impassioned “Summer Set Fire to the Rain”. But the set more prominently served to emphasize lead vocalist Dustin Kensrue’s gruff delivery, on “All the World Is Mad” and “in Exile”, the rhythm section’s propulsive playing buoying his fervency. And how about Teppei Teranishi’s finger tapping on “Black Honey”?!? Thrice often favor the slow build-up, but they offered plenty of individually awesome moments.

Smashing Pumpkins

William Patrick Corgan entered the stage to dramatic strings, dressed in a robe, with white face paint except for red hearts under his eyes. He looked like a ghost. That’s pretty much where the semi-serious theatricality ended. The Smashing Pumpkins’ first Chicago festival headlining set in recent memory was the rawest they’ve sounded in a while, counting when they played an original lineup-only set at the United Center a few years back. It was also the most fun I’ve ever seen Corgan have on stage. Though they certainly selected and debuted from their latest electropop turn Cyr, Corgan, guitarist James Iha, drummer Jimmy Chamberlin, guitarist Jeff Schroeder, and company more notably dug deep into the vault, playing Gish’s “Crush” for the first time since 2008, Adore’s “Shame” for the first time since 2010, and Siamese Dream barnburner “Quiet” for the first time since 1994 (!). Best, every leftfield disco jam like set opener “The Colour Of Love”, “Cyr”, and “Ramona” was quickly followed by something heavy and/or recognizable, Chamberlin’s limber drum solos elevating even latter-day material like “Solara”. At one point, Corgan, a self-described “arty fuck,” admitted that years ago he would have opted for more experimental material, but he knew the crowd wanted to hear classics, the band then delving into a gorgeous acoustic version of “Tonight, Tonight”. And while Kate Bush coverer Meg Myers came out to sing Lost Highway soundtrack industrial ditty “Eye”, it was none other than legendary local shredder Michael Angelo Batio who stole the show, joining for the set closer, a pummeling version of Zeitgeist highlight “United States”. Leaning into the cheese looks good on you, Billy.

The Bronx

Credit to L.A. punk rock band The Bronx, playing early on a decidedly cooler Saturday early afternoon, for making me put in my earplugs outside of the photo pit. Dedicating “Shitty Future” to Fucked Up (who, as we mentioned, had to drop out), the entire band channeled Damian Abraham’s energy on piercing versions of “Heart Attack American” as well as “Superbloom” and “Curb Feelers” from their latest album Bronx VI (Cooking Vinyl). Joby J. Ford and Ken Horne’s guitars stood out, providing choppy rhythms on “Knifeman” and swirling solos on “Six Days A Week”.

Big Freedia

The New Orleans bounce artist has Big Diva Energy, for the most part. After her DJ pumped up the crowd to contemporary Southern rap staple “Ayy Ladies” by Travis Porter, Big Freedia walked out and showed that “BDE”, firing through singles like “Platinum” and “N.O. Bounce” as her on-stage dancers’ moves ranged from delicate to earth-shaking. At this point, Freedia can pretty much do whatever she wants, effortlessly segueing between a cover of Drake’s “Nice For What” to “Strut”, her single with electropop DJ Elohim, to a cover of Beyone’s “Formation”. Of course, the set highlight was when she had volunteers from the crowd come up and shake and twerk--two at a time to keep it COVID-safe--all while egging them on to go harder. Towards the end of the set, after performing the milquetoast “Goin’ Looney” from the even-worse-than-expected Space Jam: A New Legacy soundtrack, she pulled out the beloved “Gin in my System”. “I got that gin in my system,” she sang, the crowd singing back, “Somebody gonna be my victim,” a refrain that compositionally not only leaves plenty of room for the thundering bass but is thematically a statement of total power--over sexism, racism, the patriarchy--even in the face of control-altering substances.

Les Savy Fav

During Les Savy Fav’s set, lead singer Tim Harrington at various points--*big breath*--went into the crowd, deepthroated an audience member’s mohawk spike, found a discarded manikin head with a wig on it, revealed the words “deep” and “dish” painted on his thighs and a drawing of a Red Hot on his back, rode a crowd member like a horse, made a headband out of pink tape, donned ski goggles, surfed on top of a door carried by the crowd, squeezed his belly while the camera was on it to make it look like his belly button was singing, and referred to himself as a “slippery eel.” Indeed, the legend of Les Savy Fav’s live show starts and ends with Harrington’s ridiculous antics, as he’s all but out of breath when actually singing dance-punk classics like “Hold On To Your Genre”, “The Sweat Descends”, and “Rome (Written Upside Down)”. We haven’t heard much in terms of new music from Les Savy Fav in over 10 years--their most recent album was 2010′s Root For Ruin--but I could see them and the extremely Aughts genre in general become staples of Riot Fest as albums like Inches, The Rapture’s Echoes, and !!!’s Louden Up Now reach the 20-year mark. Dynamic vocalists, tight bands, and killer grooves: What’s not to love?

State Champs

This set likely wins the award for “most immediate crowd surfers,” which I guess is to be expected when you begin your set with a classic track 1--album 1 combination. “Elevated” is the State Champs number that will cause passers-by to stop and watch a couple songs, the type of song that can pretty much only open or close a set. And because they opened with it, the crowd immediately ramped up the energy. It’s been three years since the last State Champs full-length, Living Proof, so they were in prime position to play some new songs. As such, they performed their bubblegummy “Outta My Head” and “Just Sound” and faithfully covered Fall Out Boy’s “Chicago Is So Two Years Ago” (releasing a studio version earlier this week). But the tracks from The Finer Things and Around the World and Back were, as usual, the highlights, like “All You Are Is History”, “Remedy”, “Slow Burn”, and set closer “Secrets”. At the end of the day, it didn’t entirely matter: The crowd knew every word of every song.

Bayside

Putting State Champs and Bayside back-to-back on the same stage made an easy decision for the many pop-punk bands at Riot Fest. Bayside’s been at it for twice as long, so the breadth of their setlist across their discography is more variable. Moreover, they’ve thrice revisited their discography with acoustic albums of old songs, so even their staples are subject to change. They provided solid versions of Killing Time standouts “Already Gone” and “Sick, Sick, Sick”, Cult’s “Pigsty”, and older songs like their self-titled’s “Montauk” and Sirens and Condolences’ “Masterpiece”. For “Don’t Call Me Peanut”, though, they brought out--*gasp*--an acoustic guitar! It was a rare moment not just for one of the most popular pop punk sets but the festival in general, a breather before Vacancy shout-along “Mary”.

Rancid

“Rancid has always been anti-fascist and anti-racist,” said Tim Armstrong before the band played “Hooligans”. It was nice to hear an explicit declaration of solidarity from the street punks, reminding the crowd what really matters and why we come together to scream and mosh. The band expectedly favored ...And Out Come The Wolves, playing almost half of it, and they perfectly balanced their harder edges with more celebratory ska songs like “Where I’m Going” from their most recent album Trouble Maker (Hellcat/Epitaph). My two favorite moments? The breezy, keyboard-laden “Fall Back Down” from their supremely underrated 2001 album Indestructable, and when they asked the crowd whether they wanted the set to end with “Time Bomb” or “Ruby Soho”. “We have 4 minutes left, and it’s disrespectful to play over your set time,” said Armstrong. It’s easy to see why Rancid continues to make an impression--instrumental and moral--on touring bands new and old.

Run the Jewels

The brilliant hip hop duo are masters of balancing social consciousness with the desire to fuck shit up for fun. Live, the former tends to come in between-song banter, the latter with their actual charismatic, tit-for-tat performances of the songs. However, Run the Jewels also are probably the clearest live performers in hip hop today, Killer Mike and El-P’s words, hypersexual and woke alike, ringing in the ears of audience members who don’t even know the songs. (Looking around, I could see people smiling and laughing at every dick joke, nodding at each righteous proclamation.) Some of the best songs on their most recent album RTJ4 (Jewel Runners/BMG) are perfect for these multitudes. Hearing both RTJ MCs and the backing track of Pharrell Williams and Zack de la Rocha chanting “Look at all these slave masters posin’ on yo’ dollar” on “JU$T” as the rowdy crowd bounced up and down was the ultimate festival moment. For those who had never seen RTJ, it was clear from the get-go, as Killer Mike and EL-P traded bars on “yankee and the brave (ep. 4)” that they’re a unique hip hop act. For the rest of us, it was clear that Run the Jewels keep getting better.

The Gories

It felt a little weird that legendary Detroit trio The Gories were given the first set of the final day--I’d have thought they’d have more draw than that. No matter what, they provided one of the more satisfying and stylistically varied sets of the festival, showcasing their trademark balance of garage punk and blues. Mick Collins and Dan Kroha’s guitar and vocal harmonies were the perfect jangly balance to Peggy O’Neill’s meat and potatoes drumming on “Sister Ann” and “Charm Bag”, while folks less familiar with The Gories were treated to their fantastic covers of Suicide’s “Ghost Rider” and The Keggs’ “To Find Out”. Smells like time for the first Gories album in 20 years!

FACS

I thought it would be ill-fitting to watch a band like FACS in the hot sun, early in the day. Their monochrome brand of post-punk seems better suited for a dimly lit club. But the hypnotic nature of Brian Case’s swirling guitar and Alianna Kalaba’s slinky bass was oddly perfect in a sweltering, faint-inducing heat. Just when you thought you might fade, squalls of feedback and Noah Leger’s odd time signatures picked you back up. Songs from their new album Present Tense (Trouble In Mind) such as “Strawberry Cough” and “XOUT” were emblematic of this push-pull. And everything from the band’s red, white, and black color palate to their lack of stage banter suggested a cool minimalism that was rare at a festival that tends to book more outwardly emotional bands.

Alex G

On one hand, Alex G’s unique combination of twangy alt country and earnest indie rock makes him an outlier at Riot Fest, or at the very least a mostly Pitchfork/occasional Riot Fest type of booking. On the other hand, like a lot of bands at the festival, he has a rabid fanbase, one that knows his back catalog hits, like “Kute”, “Kicker”, and “Bug”, as much as if not more than hyped Rocket and House of Sugar singles, like “Bobby” and “Gretel”. Backed by a band that knows when to be loose and when to tighten up--and the instrumental chops to do so--Alex G was better than he was a Pitchfork three years ago. He still sings through his teeth, making it especially hard to hear him on louder tunes such as “Brick”. But when the honesty of his vocals combines with the dreamy guitars of “Southern Sky” and circular melodies of “Near”, it’s pure bliss. 

HEALTH

The formula for the LA industrial noise band has pretty much always been Jake Duzsik’s soft vocals contrasting John Famiglietti’s screeching bass and pedals and BJ Miller’s mammoth drums. Both in 2018 and Sunday at Riot Fest, the heat affected Famiglietti’s pedals, which were nonetheless obscured by tarp. Or so HEALTH claimed: You wouldn’t know the difference given how much their sound envelops your whole body during one of their live sets. Since their previous appearance at the festival, the prolific band has released two new records on Loma Vista, Vol. 4: Slaves of Fear and collaboration record Disco4: Part 1. Songs from those records occupied half of their excellent set, including battering opener “GOD BOTHERER”, “BODY/PRISON”, and “THE MESSAGE”. It was so wonderfully loud it drowned out K.Flay’s sound check drummer, thank the lord.

Thursday

Last time Thursday played Riot Fest, Geoff Rickly was battling heroin addiction, something he talked about during the band’s triumphant late afternoon set on Sunday. He mentioned the kindness of the late, great Riley Gale of Power Trip in extending a helping hand when he was down and extended his love to anybody in the crowd or even the world at large going through something similar. To say that this set was life-affirming would be an understatement; after 636 days of no shows, Rickly was at his most passionate. He introduced “Signals Over The Air” as a song the band “wrote about men beating up on women in the pit,” that a record exec at the time told them that it wouldn’t age well because he thought--no kidding--sexism would eventually end. Rickly’s voice, suffering from sound issues last time around, simply soared during Full Collapse’s “Cross Out The Eyes”, No Devolucion’s “Fast to the End”, and two inspired covers: Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing in the Dark” and Texas Is The Reason’s “If It's Here When We Get Back It's Ours”. The latter the band played because TITR guitarist Norman Brannon’s actually on tour with them, though Rickly emphasized the influence the NYC post-hardcore greats had on Thursday when they first started. Never forgetting where they’ve come from, with self-deprecating humor and radical empathy, Thursday are once again a force.

Devo

Much like the B-52′s in 2019, Devo was the set this year of a 70′s/80′s absurd punk band with some radio hits that everybody knows but with a swath of die-hard fans, too. It’s safe to say both groups were satisfied. You walked around the fest all day wondering whether the folks wearing Devo hats were actual fans or doing it for the novelty. By the time the band actually took the stage after a career-spanning video of their many phases, it didn’t really matter, because it was clear the band still had it, Mark and Bob Mothersbaugh and Gerald Casale’s vocals booming throughout a massive crowd. They ripped through “Peek-a-Boo”, “Going Under”, “That’s Good”, “Girl U Want”, and “Whip It”, which caused the fans waiting for Slipknot (and presumably some Devo heads) to form a circle pit. And that was all before the first costume change. Mark passed out hats to the crowd, fully embracing converts who might have only known “Whip It”. The feverish chants of “Uncontrollable Urge” and synth freakouts of “Jocko Homo” whipped everyone into a frenzy. And the band performed the “Freedom Of Choice” theme song for the first time since the early 80′s! I had seen Devo before, opening for Arcade Fire and Dan Deacon at the United Center, but the atmosphere at Riot Fest was more appropriately ludicrous.

Flaming Lips

“The Flaming Lips are the most COVID-safe band in the world,” went the ongoing joke, as throughout the pandemic they’d give audience members bubbles for their bubbles to be able to play shows. The normally goofy and interactive band scaled back for Riot Fest. Before launching into their traditional opener “Race For The Prize”, Wayne Coyne explained that while the band is normally proud of where they come from--Oklahoma City--they’re saddened by the local government’s ignorant pandemic response and wouldn’t risk launching balloons or walking into the crowd because they might be virus spreaders coming from such an under-vaccinated area. To his and the band’s credit, they wore masks during the performance, even when singing; Coyne removed his only when outside of his bubble that had to be deflated and inflated many times and that sometimes muffled his singing voice even more than a mask. Ever the innovative band, they still put on a stellar show. Coyne autotuned his voice on “Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt. 1″, making it another instrument filling the song’s glorious pop melodies. Less heavy on props, the band favored a glitchy, psychedelic setlist that alternated between beauty (”Flowers Of Neptune 6″, “Feeling Yourself Disintegrate”, “All We Have Is Now”) and two-drummed cacophony (“Silver Trembling Hands”, “The W.A.N.D.”). They’ll give a proper Lips show soon enough, but in the meantime, it was nice to see them not run through the motions.

Slipknot

Apart from maybe moments of Slayer, I’ve never witnessed a headliner at Riot Fest as heavy as Slipknot was. Even the minor ethereal elements present on their most recent and very good album We Are Not Your Kind, like the chorus of voices during “Unsainted”, were all but abandoned live in favor of straight up brutality. Sure, there were moments of theatricality--Corey Taylor’s menacing laugh on “Disasterpiece” and pyrotechnics in sequence with the instrumentation on “Before I Forget” and “All Out Life”--but for the most part, Slipknot was the ultimate exorcism. Taylor’s new mask, with unnaturally circular eyes, seemed like it came from a particularly uncomfortable skit from I Think You Should Leave. They bashed a baseball bat to a barrel during the pre-encore performance of “Duality”. And the songs played from tape, like the gasping-for-breath “(515)”, were designed to contrast Slipknot’s alien appearance with qualities that were uncannily human. For a band whose performances and instrumental dexterity are otherworldly--who else can pull off tempo changes over a hissing, Aphex Twin-like shuffling electronic beat on “Eyeless”--the pure seething emotion on songs like “Psychosocial” and “Wait and Bleed” shone through. Like Smashing Pumpkins, and like so many other successful Riot Fest headliners, Slipknot abandoned drama for pure, unadulterated dirt.

[tinngucci]

BLACKPINK MASTER LIST OF SONGS

I only started listening to Blackpink this year, July. In short, I’m a baby Blink, but I’ve caught up with everything. I even learned 11 of their choreographies. I love all of them, but my Bias is Lisa. I love her so much.

Disclaimer: I didn’t include the remixes, the So Hot cover. There’s no point. But I included Jennie’s song just ‘cause I learned the choreo. AND don’t come for me if your favorite songs didn’t rank high or what. This is my personal preference. We all have different tastes. Anyway, let’s get to it.

1. LOVESICK GIRLS - Okay, so Playing With Fire used to be my favorite BP song, but when this came out last Friday, I fell in love. It easily beat out PWF just like that. I love the sound of it. I love the synths. It’s got a beautiful chorus. I can dance to it, I can relate to it. I just love everything about it. 10/10. Hopefully, they make more songs like this in the future.

2. PLAYING WITH FIRE - I’m sorry you had to go down to number 2, you beautiful queen. Ah, what an underrated song. It’s ahead of its time, really. People be sleeping on this song when this song actually is a BOP. The choreography is everything.

3. AS IF IT’S YOUR LAST - I don’t trust anyone that hates this song. The chorus is everything!!! It puts me in a good mood every time I listen to this song.

4. LOVE TO HATE ME - I know a lot of people don’t like this song. WEIRD. It’s so catchy! I don’t know why but when I heard the “Negative days, negative nights...” line, I thought of Panic! At The Disco. I felt like that line is something Brendon would sing. Anyway, that doesn’t make sense, I know. Now, let’s talk about Lisa’s rap in this because it’s AMAZING. Blew me out of my existence. Her best rap, for sure.

5. KICK IT - Okay, I feel like I have to explain this ‘cause not a lot of people like this song. When I first heard it, I didn’t like it. It was a skip at the time. But when I watched videos of it live, it sounded amazing. And when I listened to it again, something hit me. It’s actually a BOP. Rose’s part, “And I’m letting it all out...” I die every time I hear it. There’s something about this song that makes me think of my friends and our happy times together. Maybe it’s just me. Stop sleeping on this song!

6. FOREVER YOUNG - One of my favorite choreographies! It’s up there with PWF, AIIYL and Whistle. It’s just as happy-ass song. I love that. A bop. And I could imagine myself watching it live and just letting loose, having fun, and dancing of course.

7. PRETTY SAVAGE - This song grew on me. I didn’t like it at first. I thought it was generic. But then after a few listens, I realized how powerful the song is. I can see myself dancing to it. The song itself is pretty savage.

8. WHISTLE - If you looked at my old list, Whistle ranked low. I couldn’t give a crap about this song before. But when I learned the choreo, I appreciated it more. I live for it now. A total queen!

9. KISS AND MAKEUP - Obviously, this is my favorite collab. I love Dua Lipa. She’s my girl. Maybe that’s why I love it. It’s pretty generic, yes, but I love how feel-good it is. My inner hoe comes out when I’m listening to this. And it’s sad that we didn’t get a music video. That wouldn’t been epic.

10. SOUR CANDY - Another song I didn’t appreciate enough before. Queens singing together. I wish it was longer though. And where is the music video!!!

11. YOU NEVER KNOW - Beautiful. Just beautiful. Jisoo went off. Stay’s got nothing on this. Although it’s not that slow of song, it’s the kind of song that I like. I really want to see them sing this live. It’d be emotional for sure.

12. DDU-DU DDU-DU - Definitely the superior one out of its sisters, KTL and HYLT. I love to dance to it, but it’s not necessarily something that I would listen to on a regular basis. But it’s such an iconic song for them. I don’t want to disrespect a queen that broke records.

13. BOOMBAYAH - The queen that started it all! This song just makes you wanna dance and party. But again, it’s not something that I would listen to on a regular basis.

14. HOW YOU LIKE THAT - The era that made me a Blink. This was on my Top 5 before! I just got tired of listening to it over and over. I realized that the only thing I like about it is the beat drop, the chorus. The verses are not really strong. Lisa’s rap is refreshing though. *I’m not being biased.*

15. KILL THIS LOVE - Honestly, I couldn’t decide between this and HYLT. The only edge of HYLT is that it’s more on the hip-hop side, which I like. But Kill This Love is such a powerful-ass song, but I got tired of it too. They should move on from this formula and start singing full choruses more and not rely on beat drops and outro dance breaks,

16. REALLY - It’s just a really cute song. That’s about it. Nothing special.

17. CRAZY OVER YOU - Okay, I hated this when I first listened to it. What was that intro??? But you know what, maybe I’ll like it more once they start performing it live. That outro is fire!!! I have a feeling this song would grow on me soon. We’ll see.

18. BET YOU WANNA - I thought this was gonna rank higher. I loved it when I first heard it. I thought it was amazing. The part that goes “Something 'bout me's taking you higher” is honestly the best part of the song. Rose’s high notes. Girl gave me a heart attack. But that’s about it. The rest of the song is weak. Cardi B’s part, I’m not about it. A miss for me. This should’ve been more iconic. They should’ve included a rap battle! UGH!

19. SEE U LATER - I wish this song had a different chorus. It just didn’t match the vibe of the song. That intro is amazing! What happened there? Oh, the chorus happened...

20. SOLO - It’s a good song. It’s just whatever, you know? But Jennie be killing me sometimes. Excuse me, ma’am, you are HOT. 

21. STAY - Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful song. I just don’t connect to it, that’s all.

22. ICE CREAM - I don’t like this song that much. Yes, it’s cute and all, but it’s not for me. The only edge it has is the “na-na-na-na-na” part at the end because it’s cute af! And the choreo is cute too. It was harder than I expected. A+ rapping for my girl, though.

23. DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO - This song used to rank higher on my previous list. It has no edge whatsoever. The chorus is messy in my opinion. The choreo is hard af though, especially the chorus.

24. HOPE NOT - Aw! I didn’t want to put this last because it’s a beautiful song, but I just prefer the more upbeat songs. And it’s forgettable.

[thebluewickedmermaid]

Breaking Us Both ~ Kuroo Tetsuro x OC

CHAPTER ONE: Leaving Me Hangin'

PLOT: 

"Yeah, I couldn't get my eyes off her back then..." and my heart till now. He almost blurted out the last part and sighed. 

It's been six years and yet the memories were so fresh like it was yesterday when he first laid eyes on her peculiar dark auburn locks and her steely gray eyes. The way she regarded him with distrust and annoyance... and curiosity. She should have just run instead of facing him head-on. Maybe they could have saved themselves a heartbreak. --- I DO NOT OWN THE ARTS IN MY COVER. ALL CREDITS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS.

Y E A R : 2018

The bar was filled with cheers and laughter as the music reverberated in every corner. It was a Friday night, a night where workers filled their glasses and rejoice for the upcoming weekend after a long day of work, or where couples have their date, or where people reward themselves for their success, or simply just where acquaintances meet up after a long time of not seeing each other. Either way, it was a night to be remembered by most and the others long after a stressful week.

Kuroo on the other hand was on his way to the said bar for one reason only: to meet old acquaintances. 

As he trudged his way inside, the music was already deafening. A lady wearing a sexy black waitress uniform came up to him once he made his way inside. Despite the on and off disco lights, he could clearly see the way her eyes raked his body like a predator to its prey which clearly made him uneasy. If he was his past self, he would have enjoyed every single moment of it. Alas, he was a changed man; more professional and more mature.

"What can I help you, sir?" she asked, or rather purred seductively at him.

Kuroo combed his bed-hair with his fingers and flashed her an uneasy smile. "I'm meeting with somebody who already has a reservation here. The name is Bokuto Koutaro."

The lady's eyes lighted up at the mentioned name. "Right this way," she said and gently grabbed hold of his biceps to guide him towards a booth on the other side of the bar where few people were sitting.

Kuroo could only sighed and let the lady do what she wants. He didn't want to embarass her in public since some eyes were on to them already.

Once they reached the last booth, she knocked twice before opening the door wide.

"One of your acquaintances is here," she announced.

"Thanks," Kuroo said and the waitress winked at him making him chuckle. Once he made his way inside, shouts of greetings welcomed him.

"Kuroo!" a man with spiky, white hair and black streaks boomed once the door closed and barraged him with a tight hug. It was none other than Bokuto Kotaro; a volleyball player for the Black Jackals who just won last week against the Adlers. It was an epic battle that moved everybody in the arena and everybody that they were acquainted with during their volleyball years came to watch.

Kuroo grinned before returning his hug.

"You're late!" he teased and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

"Yeah, sorry. Got stuck with something in the office," he apologized as his eyes scanned the small crowd inside the booth.

Akaashi Keiji, Tsukishima Kei, Daichi Sawamura, Sugawara Koshi, Iwaizumi Hajime, Kageyama Tobio, and of course Hinata Shoyo were huddled up in a round table already eating their fill. Unfortunately, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Kozume Kenma, Miya Atsumu, and Sakusa Kiyoomi did not make it for personal reasons.

"Well, well, isn't great to see you lot, again," he greeted with a sneer as he put a hand on his hip regarding each one with his hazel orbs.

"I couldn't say the same thing to you, though," a man with brown hair joked making the others in the room chuckle.

"Oy, Daichi, that's rude, man. You know you missed me," he joked back as he sat between Bokuto and Akaashi and in front of Daichi who offered him a drink which he gladly accepted.

"We all did!" Bokuto joined with rambunctious tone. "You barely hang out with us."

Kuroo rolled his eyes at him as he took a sip from his scotch. "I've been busy with work. We're launching Shrimpy's promotional video with Kodzuken in a few weeks," he explained, his hazel eyes landing on Hinata who gave him a thumbs up.

Despite his age is 22, he still looked like a kid that seeing him holding a glass of alcohol makes Kuroo want to snatch it away.

"Besides, haven't we just celebrated last week after your victory?" He added with a brow raised at Bokuto.

"It's a different story tonight," Akaashi commented before he put the grilled pork in his mouth. "Bokuto-san has an announcement to make."

Bokuto blushed a deep shade of red whether it was from the alcohol or from Akaashi's statement, Kuroo's attention piqued.

"AGAAASHI!!" Bokuto whined and crossed his arms on his chest. "Don't bring it up this early!"

"Oya? What is it?" he asked, turning his attention to his best bro who was suddenly fiddling with his fingers as if he was shy to tell the others his announcement. "Don't tell me you're going all shy all of the sudden? Are you finally realizing your hidden desires for me?"

"Shut up, Kuroo!" he snapped before he cleared his throat. He took a deep breath before a wide grin spread across his face. "She said 'Yes'."

A deafening silence surrounded the group once the news broke. Only the sound of the muffled music from the outside can be heard. An amused smile formed on Akaashi's face as the once loud group became mute.

A few more seconds had passed and when the news had sunk in, a loud gasp and cheers erupted.

"What the hell?!" Iwaizumi exclaimed and clasped hands with his trainee; a wide grin on his face. "Congratulations, man! That was unexpected!"

"Oho, oho, I’m surprised she accepted the proposal," sneered Tsukishima as he put a hand over his lips.

"Tsukki!" Bokuto growled and punched the giant lightly on the shoulder. "At least I have the guts to ask my girlfriend, unlike some other guy I know!" That shut Tsukishima up, Kuroo grinned. Bokuto's getting witty with his comebacks lately. Must be the influence of the soon-to-be-missus.

"You're really okay with this, Akaashi?!" Kuroo countered as he slammed his drinks on the table. "You're letting him marry your cousin?!"

"I already warned Addie-chan with what she's got herself into," Akaashi joked lightly and patted Bokuto's back over Kuroo's shoulders; his eyes turning serious despite the small smile on his face. "Besides, if Bokuto-san ever hurt or as much as make her tear up, he knows the shovel is all set--” 

Bokuto gulped and backed away slowly from the threatening gaze his best friend was giving off.

"—is what I would say normally as the older cousin of your soon-to-be bride, had I not known you, Bokuto-san."

Kuroo sweat-dropped as the others laughed at Bokuto's uneasy expression. 'Well, that kept Bokuto in line,' he thought as he took a sip from his drinks. Nevertheless, he was thrilled for his best friend's future.

"So, when's the wedding?" Iwaizumi piped in. "Hopefully, I could get Trashykawa to attend it, too."

Kuroo's smile faltered slightly at the mention of the former Aoba Josaih captain.

"Oh yeah, where's Oikawa-san, by the way?" Sugawara asked looking over at Iwaizumi, who was Oikawa's best friend.

"He just arrived in the U.S. yesterday to meet with someone," Iwaizumi answered and tipped his drinks in one go but his eyes landed on Kuroo when he mentioned the 'someone' part. "He's set to arrive next week for a vacation."

Kuroo pursed his lips at the face Iwaizumi was sending him his way. His heart skipped a beat slightly when a certain someone entered his thoughts.

"Oh! I met Oikawa-san when I was studying in Brazil once!" Hinata beamed; his face a little red from alcohol. "I think that was two years ago?"

"Pipe down, boke!" Kageyama growled; his face the same shade as Hinata's due to alcohol.

"I think you two had enough already," Sugawara warned and grabbed both of their drinks much to their dismay.

"As I was saying!" Hinata continued and poked Kageyama's head for him to listen. "You'll like this one since I also saw Machi-senpai, your first crush, with Oikawa-san in Brazil!"

Kuroo's stopped mid-drink at the mention of the name he longed and at the same time never wanted to hear. A familiar twinge of pain resurfaced in his chest that he almost dropped his glass had he not recovered quickly and tipped the glass to downed it in one go. The bitter taste of alcohol didn't help with the situations as he cringed slightly.

The others, except Kageyama and Hinata, paused their conversation and glanced warily at him for his reaction but as quick as the pain resurfaced, the quicker he masked it off his face.

"M-Machi-senpai?" Kageyama stuttered and blushed a deeper shade of red this time; after all these years, he still had this little crush with his senpai that he couldn't get rid of. "H-How is she and w-why didn't you send a picture of her? You only send yours and Oikawa-san's selfie like what am I supposed to do with that, boke?!"

"Oh yeah!" Hinata exclaimed and rubbed the back of his head before grinning sheepishly at his best friend. "I totally forgot about that. She arrived on the third day of our beach volleyball match. She just passed by to pay Oikawa-san a visit and she wasn't expecting to see me there. She said she was doing volunteer work in Brazil for a week." Hinata's eyes sparkled and he had the same dreamy look in his eyes as Kageyama.

"Machi-senpai is doing volunteer work?" Kageyama closed his eyes tight and clenched his fist on his chest. "I've always known her to have a big heart! HOW LUCKY OF YOU BOKE?!!!"

"Well, that's Machi. She probably got it from her mother who was a philanthropist before she died," Iwaizumi noted and smiling softly at the memory of his childhood friend. "She have a soft heart for orphans."

Kageyama and Hinata sighed dreamily as if they were on cloud nine. "Do you still get in touch with her, Iwaizumi-san?" the Adlers' setter asked to his former upperclassman.

Iwaizumi shrugged his shoulders. "She'd call sometimes to say hi," he answered and pursed his lips as if what he said was enough information, Kuroo noted. That kind of topic always made Iwaizumi looked reserved about it especially when the rooster-haired captain was around.

Kuroo's grip on his glass tightened as he stared hard at it. It confused him and frustrated him greatly to the point that he wanted to punch the answers out of Iwaizumi. But even he couldn't form a question properly. He didn't even know where to start. Hell! Why was he even feeling like this?

"She looked more divine than she ever was in high school. AGHHH! I should have asked her to join us in playing beach volleyball! I wonder how strong she is, right now?" Hinata pondered before he was elbowed by Sugawara. "Sugawara-san, nani?" he asked but stopped when he saw him pointing at Kuroo who staring hard at his glass. "O-Oh. Oops."

"She quitted," Kuroo snapped; his eyes cold as he stared at his clenched fist on his glass.

For the second time of that night, the deafening silence filled the group once again.

 --

 "Hey, you okay?" Bokuto asked once they were alone, walking down the streets of Tokyo in the dead of the night.

Akaashi and the others already bid them goodbye and went their separate ways. After Kuroo snapped, he apologized quickly to Hinata to which the latter completely waved off. Had it not been for Bokuto, the dinner would have turned into an awkward mess.

Kuroo sighed deeply before his fingers combed his hair. "Yeah," he answered as he put his hands inside his jeans pocket. "I was caught off-guard but I'm fine. Sorry back there."

"Nah, I don't mind. You weren't expecting to hear about Machi-chan, were you? It's been six years after all," Bokuto gushed as he blew his cold hands.

"Six years since she shut me out without explanation; left me in the air hanging," Kuroo lamented as he looked up at the dark sky. "You know that. I even tried to find her in the US when Oikawa refused to tell me her whereabouts."

Bokuto patted Kuroo at the back in sympathy. "Oikawa is very protective of Machi-chan, you know that since she's like a sister to him. He's even protective than Iwaizumi."

"Yet as a friend he could have told me what was wrong or what did I do wrong, right?" Kuroo growled and kicked a can on his way.

"You'll have your chance to ask him why he didn't tell you next week. Oikawa will be attending Iwaizumi's birthday for sure," Bokuto cheered and gave him a hard slap on the back.

Silence descended upon the two as they walked side by side before Bokuto suddenly chuckled. Kuroo glanced at him and raised a brow as if he was going mental.

"I just remembered that time when Machi-chan overheard us at the first away games," Bokuto reminisced earning a small grin from Kuroo over the memory.

"Yeah, I couldn't get my eyes off her back then..." and my heart till now. He almost blurted out the last part before he sighed and rubbed his face. What was wrong with him all of the sudden? It's been six years already!

Bokuto, noticing his best friend's struggle on his face, wondered how he'll cope up if ever Addie left him hanging too without explanation. He'd go insane, for sure. It's a wonder that Kuroo stayed strong through all these years.

--

CHAPTER TWO

[nikkzwrites]

The Lies We Told | Disco!Spock x Reader | Star Trek Fan Fiction

Content Warning: Sexual Assault (Resolved very quickly), Death.

Genre: Angst, Romance, Hurt, Fluff, Comfort

Words: 13524

It all started at the Academy. You were sitting in an orientation room looking at all the other people trying for the science program when you saw him walk in. Your heart stopped. He was miraculous. His energy was one you had never felt before. You watched him glide to the teacher. 

Your friend leaned over to your table from behind and whispered a mimicking stuck up know it all voice, “Hello, yes. I heard we are getting our lab partners assigned to us today.” You two watched as the teacher nodded and motioned towards the empty seat next to you. Your friend laughed but then quickly growled as they saw the tall man turned back to the teacher. Without looking, you knew their face twisted in disgust. They leaned back up and whispered in an irritated voice, “Good luck with that one, love.” Their chair screaming as they settled back into their place.

Your eyes had not left the man until you saw him turn to walk towards space next to you. You blankly stared ahead and swallowed hoping he hadn’t noticed you staring earlier. You heard the seat screech and adjust under his weight. He cleared his throat. You turned to look at him. His features were as strong and distinct as his stride. You could feel him studying you as well. You let out a breath about to introduce yourself when he beat you to the punch.

“Just please call me Spock. You will not be able to pronounce my name. It would be the most optimal for both of us if you just referred to me as the aforementioned if you need to refer to me at all.”

You squinted at him, “What do you mean by ‘if I need to refer to you at all?’” You didn’t like his tone at all at this point. You understood he was raised in a cut-throat education system, but he needed to learn that was not how you treated people. 

He looked at your evident rising anger and stated as if simple fact, “I had not planned for having a ‘lab partner.’ It seems like a glorified buddy system.”

You opened your mouth for a comeback when your friend intervened and asked, “Are you sure you are quite cut out for Star Fleet and not the Vulcan Science Academy, Mr. Spock?” They enunciated every part of Mr. Spock with dripping anger. They had completely leaned over to put themselves in between you and the Vulcan.

Spock looked past the interruption and spoke as if it simply did not happen, “Do you have a name to which I can refer to you as? Is it not rude to not properly introduce yourself after someone did you the pleasure of introducing themselves?”

Through gritted teeth, you gave the man your name. He was very confused by your rising tension. He just didn’t seem to be in touch with what was going on. This made you soften your guard a bit.

“Also, I would prefer to help in which I can. The Vulcan Science Academy would not serve to help others in quite the same way,” He addressed your friend who was still leaning their body over their desk to keep it between the two of you, “You should also sit back. You are going to hurt yourself if you continue.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the interaction. He really had no idea how to interact with people past how the Vulcans had taught. Surprisingly, it was endearing. He clearly just needed help adjusting. 

It didn’t take long for the two of you to become close. Once you learned that his communication just was more direct and all logic-based, things went more smoothly. It even grew to the two of you spending most of your time together. It was uncommon for anyone to see one of you with the other close by.

At first, you stuck close to him because he seemed lonely. The first lunch you had you saw him sitting in the mess hall alone. He looked so alone. You couldn’t just let him be there all by himself. You walked straight to his table and sat down. When he saw you sit down next to him, he lifted his brow. You replied, “We will need to get used to being in close quarters if we are going to be working together as lab partners.”

Without another word, the two of you ate together. This went on for a good while. Despite the two of you having different classes and training, your schedules still linked up very well. Your planetary command classes were the exact same times as his space training classes. So you stuck close to him like glue until he had gotten some other friends.

Everything went well after that. Well, until the incident happened. You were helping your professor clean the lab. It was late. The sun was already down by the time you were walking out. That was when a shadow loomed over you. Your legs backed you into the wall to try and getaway. 

That was when you heard the man’s voice. It was hate. He sounded like a monster. His voice sounded as if it were glass tumbling in the garbage disposal running on high. He growled and said, “What, you stood me up because I’m not good enough for you?”

Your breath shortened and quickened. Your brain raced through everything. You gasped as you remembered your friend had set you up with one of the boys in security command training. Your hands went up to your mouth. “I’m-,” you started. 

The man slammed his hand against the wall, keeping you pinned there. “What,” he questioned. He reeked of alcohol. It made your eyes water. He yelled, “Is it because I’m not that Vulcan? Is that it?” He growled and whispered, “Just a Vulcan fucker? Is it the pointy ears? The lack of emotion?” He pushed you against the wall. Your head throbbed. Your throat burned. Everything in you begged for you to scream but you couldn’t. You were frozen. “Or is it because they are rough? I can give you that too,” He taunted. Your eyes squeezed shut for the hit. Then you heard the man say, “They’re fine.” There was no hit, but you felt a shuffle. “I said, they are fine,” the man yelled. 

You instinctively braced for a hit again, scared from his tone. Again, it didn’t come. There was a large thud near your feet. Your eyes widened open. You were shaking and the man now rest at your feet. He looked...dead. You gasped.

“Are you alright,” A familiar soothing voice rolled over to you. You felt a smooth warm hand touch your face. You looked up to see Spock standing there. You finally heard your voice as you sobbed. His hands were normally cold. You felt him lead you away. His voice seemed so far away once more. “I called the officer. Let’s walk over here and wait,” his voice fought against your head drowning him out. He sat you down on the bench. His hand never left yours. 

You closed your eyes. Everything was spinning. Your soul wanting to expel from your body through your mouth. You didn’t open your eyes again until you felt Spock squeeze your shoulder. You looked from your shaking hands up at the officer. You explained all that you could to him. You refused to have Spock leave your side. Even when they questioned him, you stood next to his side. The officer sighed and said that when you had a clearer head, to come in to give a more detailed statement. You nodded. 

When you turned to see the officer’s vehicle, a force turned you and pulled you into Spock’s chest. He held you there for a second and stated, “Let’s get back.” He walked with you towards the dormitories. When you turned to go to your building, Spock grabbed your arm. He shook his head and said, “You shouldn’t go back alone. Come to my dorm.”

You shook your head. “But,” your quivering voice stuttered out, “I’m not alone. I’ll-.”

“Wasn’t your dorm mate the one who set up the date,” He asked. You knew from the way he said it, he meant it more as a statement of example for you to stay with him. You simply nodded. He went to further explain, “We have special techniques and abilities as Vulcans to deal with trauma, so it would be best if you stayed with me until we can get you to a professional.”

You tried to think back to what day it was. You furrowed your brow in deep thought. You had eaten twice Monday. Three times Tuesday. You took a shower Wednesday. Thursday, Spock introduced you to his mentor here. That was the day before. That would mean that it was Friday. Once you came to the conclusion, you made the comment that it was Friday to Spock.

He nodded and said, “I know. It is not ideal, but we must do what we must.”

This was the first time you actually looked at him since everything had happened. He was wearing a black set of tight workout gear. His hair stuck to his face with sweat. He was wearing running shoes. You touched his shirt and rubbed it between your fingers. Yeah, you thought to yourself, that was the feeling of that TransDry type fabric. You were so transfixed by his shirt and outfit, you didn’t get to see him smiling.

“Would you mind if I told my mother about the incident,” He asked snapping you out of your trance. He watched you for a second before continuing, “She and I call each other three times a week.”

You nodded and smiled at him. You tried to imagine what Spock’s mother must be like. This wasn’t the first time he’s mentioned her, but it was always just a passing comment. It was rather surprising to you that his mother would call him so frequently. You guessed that even for a Vulcan, she was still a mother. You followed his lead to his dorm. He let you enter first. That is when you saw a picture of a brown-haired human woman on the wall. You smiled and rushed to it. You motioned to it and turned to Spock, “She’s beautiful. Spock, who is she?”

Spock effortlessly strolled into the room. He nodded towards the picture, that struck you as odd, but it was Spock. He motioned and settled, “This is my mother Amanda Grayson.” He turned more towards the picture. When you looked back at it, you realized that this was not a picture, but instead a communication relay. Your face flushed as Spock introduced you. He turned back to you and said, “I will gather some spare clothes. You should take a shower. I will be right here if you need anything.”

“If this is a bad time,” Amanda giggled, “We can always speak tomorrow.” She waved to you with a motherly smile. His mother made you feel safer. Everything about him made you feel safe anyway, but her presence just calmed you in a way you couldn’t describe. You waved back as Spock gathered what he mentioned.

“Not at all Mother,” Spock spoke as he handed you a pair of sweatpants surprisingly your size and an oversized hoodie, “This is actually the perfect time. I would like your advice and my lab partner would most definitely benefit from your perspective.”

Once you had the clothes in your hands, you walked into his bathroom. You paused. He was so clean. Not a single thing seemed to be out of place. You gently placed the clothes on the counter before standing confused. Towels. You didn’t want to go disturb his call again, so you elected to dig. You opened one cabinet. It was mostly empty. You closed that one and opened another one. Finding the towels, you grabbed one and placed it on the counter as well before going into the shower.

Spock waited until he heard the water running, he turned back to his mother and explained what had happened. He stared. His insides eating him from the inside. He never felt such rage against another person before. He looked at his mother and said, “He was taunting them about me.  The man didn’t like that we are so close.”

Amanda sighed. She wished she could be there to comfort her son. “Most people do not enjoy the idea of someone they are interested in being interested in someone else,” She explained. She continued, “Most humans don’t like other humans enjoying Vulcan company past business. I can understand.” She paused. “Spock,” Amanda pleaded, “You are allowed to let out how you feel.”

Spock nodded, “All of my feelings are understandable given the situation, but allowing myself to act upon them past where I have already will be illogical.” He grit his teeth together trying to keep himself calm. He heard his bathroom door open and he bowed his head, “I am going to speak with my partner. If they are comfortable, may you help them? I, too, need a shower.”

Amanda nodded.

You watched as Spock walked over to you. He had an energy that you couldn’t place from him. He leaned to you and asked you if you would be comfortable with him showering while you spoke with his mother. You slowly nodded but your hand reached for his.

Spock tried to give you a small smirk. He pat your head and whispered, “I will be right there. It’s okay.”

You nodded slowly and walked to speak with his mother. She must have sensed your nervousness because she waited until Spock was gone before speaking. 

“I heard that you were tormented because of my son’s race,” She said simply.

You nodded and sobbed. You let out all your emotions there. Large tears ran down your face.

Amanda sighed and said, “You understand the easiest way for it to not happen again would be to sepera-.”

Before she could finish her sentence, you screamed, “I don’t want to. But I don’t want that.” You covered your mouth and sobbed again, “I’m sorry. I… I can’t.” You looked down at the floor and watched as the tears fell to the ground. You whispered, “I love him too much.” You looked at her shaking your head rubbing your eyes through small sniffles, “He’s my best friend and I love him too much to leave just because someone may hurt me. They would have to kill me if they hate that he is my closest friend for me to ever part from him.”

Amanda smiled gently and you could see where his softness came from. All of Spock’s compassion and love was directly spawned from her. Her own eyes teared up. Amanda wiped her eyes her voice low, “Thank you.” She laughed at herself and said, “But please never let my son hear you say any of that. It would burden him too much.”

You smiled and laughed through your tears, “I know. He would also scold me for being so illogical about the situation.” The two of you laughed. As you waited for Spock, she told you stories of when Spock was younger. Her voice soothed you. You sat on his bed cross-legged and just listened. The ways she described everything made you long for Vulcan. You yearned to go back to that time and be there for him then. 

This caused you to jump when you heard Spock’s voice once more. “If you can excuse us Mother,” Spock started, “I have to make plans for tomorrow.” They gave each other, what you learned in class, the Vulcan salute and signed off.

You crawled over to him and knelt on the edge of the bed, “You have to teach me how to do that?” You tried by yourself and all your fingers drifted apart instead of just separating in the middle.

You could see him fighting off a smile as he walked over to you. He curled your hand down and said, “I will some other time. You need to get your rest.”

You huffed at him and waddled over towards the wall’s side of the bed to allow him room. Then you collapsed with another huff. You heard him shift behind you causing you to turn to face him once more, “Are you not going to join me? Logically it is the best way for the two-”

“Logically,” he interrupted, “It would be better if we took shifts, but seeing that you need your rest more than that, I can understand your point.” He slipped into the bed next to you. He laid straight on his back, staring at the ceiling.

You propped yourself up on your elbow and asked, “What are you thinking about?”

Spock sighed, “I’m running through all the scenarios in my head about the next approach forward for tomorrow.”

You nodded and laid down. You asked, “Is it okay if I rest my head on you?”

Spock froze. He seemed to be taken aback by the request. He nodded slowly and outstretched his arm so that you could cuddle into his chest. When you snuggled in, you rest your hand on his abdomen area and felt his heartbeat. He was cool like normal. He asked, “Comfortable?”

You nodded and asked, “Can you play with my hair?”

He let out a breath that you could tell was him giving a small laugh, “of course.” His long fingers softly traced your scalp and ran through your hair. You listened as he started to murmur, “One thing was certain, that the white kitten had had nothing to do with it:—it was the black kitten’s fault entirely. For the white kitten had been having its face washed by the old cat for the last quarter of an hour (and bearing it pretty well, considering); so you see that it couldn’t have had any hand in the mischief.” His slow rhythmic breathing accompanied by his absentminded mumbling lulled you into a deep sleep. 

After that day, you transferred into the space training program. Spock helped you catch up with the rest of the group were in physical health. That meant every morning and night you two jogged at least two miles. After that, you two were inseparable. Eating, sleep schedules, classes, the two of you did it all together. You jogged beneath the autumn falling leaves. The crunching beneath both of your feet was music into your ears. You both read together while the snowflakes drifted to the ground. As you two would walk back, you would have a snowball fight together as a reward. During the spring, you sat outside identifying all the flora and fauna you could after a hike going into the wide-open fields where you two would hideaway. The summer was spent in the pool with gravity training. Of course, your friend group couldn’t allow Spock just to be in a pool without having some fun. First, you played volleyball. They also wanted to play Shoulder Wars. You laughed as they convinced your lab partner that it was to “improve interpersonal skills” and “to test abilities in high-stress situations.”

Spock was perturbed a bit when the group told him that he couldn’t be in a partnership with you because that would be cheating. He didn’t like having other people touching him in such an intimate way and having to touch someone in such a way either. He preferred to have been with you in a partnership. He was used to being touched and touching you. He felt a jealousy building when you partnered with someone.

The next time, he required to play on a team with you. The group actually had a fun time. You and Spock did not win every game. Your group played until no one could hold themselves anymore. That night, your group created a bonfire at an open field not too far away. Some of the men howled as the rest of the group laughed. Poor Spock shifted in his seat questioning everything. You smiled gently at him and sat next to him.

“This is highly illogical. What sort of a celebration is this,” He questioned.

You giggled, “It’s just how we as humans let out all the stress built up over the year.” You smiled at him, “If you want to leave we can, I just wanted you to be able to experience it once and to at least have real fire-roasted marshmallows.”

He nodded, “I understand. I appreciate your interest in showing me customs.” He looked amongst the group of friends. Some were now becoming intimate with each other. He looked back into your eyes. The crackling of the fire was very relaxing if he had to admit to himself. His lips curled at the edges for a second. “I would like to help you with my home’s salute if you will let me,” Spock commented.

You wiggled a bit excited, “Really?” You turned to him so that he may be more effective with his teaching.

Spock lifted his hand towards you and motioned for you to place your hand against his. You followed his lead. Your hand slowly closed the gap by pressing your index and middle fingertips against his. This caused a jolt between you two. Your breath caught in your throat for a moment as you stared. Spock’s face illuminated with a mint green before closing the gap of your hands himself. Once he did, you felt as if you were able to breathe again. Your head reeling from the experience. You could only describe it at the time as similar to what you would see in a romantic movie when the two characters finally shared a kiss. You opened your mouth to speak but Spock immediately drew attention back to the original issue.

“This is the motion that you would need. I am sure your muscles are simply not used to exercising this function,” Spock motioned to him slowly coaxing your fingers to follow his, “Here we are getting them accustomed to such a motion.” 

You followed his movements. Your fingers still seemed to still give resistance. You looked up at Spock who looked back towards you as well. Your heart raced at his gentle touch. You pulled away and smiled, “Thank you for trying to help.”

He nodded, “It would not be the first time I tried to teach someone the Vulcan salute.” He looked back at the burning fire. It felt as if it were injected straight into his veins. He felt it rage and flare within him. He turned to you and it both calmed yet it also increased its intensity.

The rest of your three years together seemed to rush past. There were more small moments together that only the two of you shared, but it all seemed to build to nothing. Spock always seemed to deflect the situation which grew to you naturally following suit.

Spock sighed. He practiced to himself, “I know that we are going to be getting our assignments soon. I would like to request…” He took a deep breath, “your… permission for us to be assigned to the same orders. Ideally, I would like us to be partnered on the same starship. Would you agree to this?”

Amanda smiled at her son, “You are going to do well my darling Spock.” She clasped her hands together in excitement, “Please promise me you will bring her to Vulcan as soon as possible.”

Spock nodded towards his mother and commented, “As fast as humanly possible.” He straightened himself up, “I will take my leave.”

Amanda nodded, “Good luck.”

“This has nothing to do with luck,” He gently explained to his mother, “It is simply the question of desire to be attached to me forever. Are you sure T’Ping will agree?”

“That girl has already expressed her extreme happiness for the arrangement,” She said. She sighed and said, “Please let me know what happens.”

Spock nodded, “I will.” He bid his mother goodbye before walking out to find you.

You ran. The flowers were so beautiful, but you had no time to wait. You dodged some of the potential new recruits as you tried to fight your way to your lab partner. You smiled and twirled with him once you were able to grab ahold of him. His strong hands held you steady as you laughed. You threw your arms around him. “Spock,” you exclaimed out of breath from running to him.

His eyes furrowed with worry. “Are you alright,” he asked straightening your tousled hair.

You nodded hurriedly, “Yes!” You smiled, “Oh Spock, I could just kiss you right here I’m so happy.” You pressed his forehead against yours.

His brow raised and he commented, “Here wouldn’t be the most appropriate setting. I do have the question of what has made you so happy that you are acting more irrationally than normally.”

“I got it,” you laughed. You nuzzled the Vulcan, “I was picked by Professor Paul Stamets to help with his research! Isn’t that exciting?”

Spock sighed, “Yes. That is very exciting.” He smiled and pulled away. He pressed his hand against your cheek, “I-” He thought for a second. His body froze as he thought back to the memory. He remembered his sister yelling at him, ‘Love? You aren’t capable of love.’ Spock shook his head.

You reached out to him. You touched his cheek and with a hushed tone whispered, “Spock?” You never had seen him like this.

‘You are Vulcan,’ Burnham repeated in his mind, ‘You will always be cold and distant. Like a moon, somewhere. You aren’t worth my effort.’

You grabbed his hand with your other hand and repeated louder, “Spock.”

He blinked and looked back at you. He raised his brow in confusion.

“Are you alright,” You asked gently.

Spock nodded, “Yes. I just wanted to congratulate you.” He pat your head, “why don’t we tell everyone else the news? I am sure you will make plenty of people jealous.”

Just like that, Spock let go of his want to ask you to stay with him for the rest of your life. He deemed it as selfish and illogical that you would want to ever choose to be with him forever. You were so far out of his reach. He shouldn’t even try.

It wasn’t until years later that you had even the slightest hint of Spock in your life. He was so busy on his new starship the Enterprise, that it never seemed like you would be able to link up properly. You could understand that. It wasn’t anything personal, you thought.

Working aboard the Discovery now, you were busy as well. Stamets always seemed to have some wild thing you needed to work on. You could say that the Discovery helped you realize the seriousness of all the training exercises all those years ago. Especially once Michael Burnham boarded the ship.

She seemed so similar to your old Vulcan friend. This immediately drew you to her. You forced yourself on her. Your mentor Stamets first had told you that you were supposed to get a Vulcan mutineer that was going to be assigned to your group.

“You were really good friends with that Vulcan in the Academy right,” He asked as you two worked on the mycelial network. Both of you trying to help it grow so that your supply wouldn’t deplete.  

You smiled widely, “You mean Spock? Yes! What about it?” You continued your work.

Stamets sighed, “We are getting a Vulcan assigned to us. They were supposedly a mutineer. I want you to help catch them up to speed. Just remember what you can and cannot tell civilians, got it?”

Nodding wildly, you replied, “Roger Dodger.”

You danced out of the lab excited to meet the newbie. Your smile was wide from ear to ear. “Hello,” you called out. You watched as a young black woman turned towards you. You didn’t recognize her. You squinted.

Michael turned whenever she heard the musical voice call out. She assumed it must have been meant for her. She walked over and stood in front of the person calling her. Her eyebrow raised slightly.

You gasped at her brow raise. You smiled, “Yoooooouuu must be the new Vulcan I was told about.” You walked around studying her, “I mean, there was clearly a misunderstanding. But I can tell you must have been raised by Vulcans.”

Michael looked at the strange scientist circling her. She followed with her head and asked, “And how can you tel-”

You interrupted her, “Oh dear! Yes. My best friend at the Academy was a Vulcan. He was very intuned with their customs. So judging on your mannerisms, you must have been raised there as well. You share about 85% of the same mannerisms. If I were a fool, I would say so similar you two could have been related.” You smiled at her.

Michael nodded, “Right. Well.”

“Oh yeah,” you interrupted again, “Catch up time~! Well, catch up to speed, but not so much because a loooott of stuff is classified but enough to get you working. You went to the Vulcan Science Academy? Luckily you! This code over…” You bounced to the main station. You furrowed your brow. “Huh,” you questioned, “where did that broken code go.”

That was when Stamets walked into the room and grilled Burnham handing her the code and dismissing her. He turned to you and motioned, “Go. Out of my sight. Don’t come back before you’ve got something.”

You got along very well with her. You didn’t realize that it was because she was your best friend’s sister until you learned that Sarek was her father. By that point, you didn’t want to make an issue of anything, so you stayed silent. 

When Michael collapsed that day, you were the first to recognize what had happened. You brought her back into the medbay screaming. You held her hand as you sat waiting for her. You stared at her, praying for her to return. You knew from Spock that if the other person’s soul and mind stayed within the dying one, that they might die too. This terrified you.

Later, you tried to avoid her as well as her father during his stay. It was awkward for you to be in his presence. He, like Burnham, reminded you of your old lab partner, but he terrified you. Spock would have scolded you for it, but it was just how you felt. You trusted Spock’s judgment on people. He was often right about them.

It wasn’t as if you weren’t busy with other things anyway. You focused on your job every time you could. With your mentor injecting himself with the tardigrade DNA, you had a lot to work with him about now. He was a lot happier now. He described it as being able to see the entire universe and all of its possibilities. You were envious of that. You joked and once told him that maybe next time, they should inject you with some too. Stamets did not appreciate the joke as much as Tilly did. 

At the party, you smiled and laughed. You loved seeing your fellow crewmen having so much fun. Someone even brought sparklers. Tilly pulled you around at first. The alcohol that was given to you was really strong. You must have just been giggling the entire time. 

You eventually broke off so that you could go dancing a bit. You kept an eye out on your redheaded friend playing beer basket pong though. The roars of adoring fans made you realize she was doing fine.

Hugh called out to you from the edge of the party, so you graciously made your way to him. With a big goofy smile, you yelled above the music, “Yes Dad?”

Hugh laughed and said, “You better take advantage of that while my partner and I are drunk.” He shook his head and asked, “Aren’t trying to contact that Vulcan boy you are so fond of?”

You furrowed your brows and asked back, “Who Spock? Why would I do that? Today isn’t the day I do that?”

Stamets laughed and said, “Oh, you even have a day you record and send messages. That would be so precious if it weren’t so so sad.” He shook his head with a condescending smile. Despite him being an ass sometimes, you knew he truly did care about you and wanted to see you happy. After working closely with him for three years, you came to understand his nature of being condescending was just his guard. 

“Thanks, Dad,” You rolled your eyes. Hearing your friend’s voice, you turned to see Tilly addressing Burnham. You blushed. Had she heard you? You didn’t believe so because she wasn’t trying to address the situation with you. You let out a sigh of relief.

Luckily, they actually wanted to take their leave, so you followed to help them. So you didn’t have to stay very long at the party while Burnham was there.

The idea of telling Michael now would have been too much. You could infer that if Michael was close to Spock’s estranged father, she must not be in his good graces either. This hurt you so deeply. A stabbing pain hit your heart every time you laughed with Michael. Every smile shared now felt a sense of dread. Everything felt like a lie. The only salvation was that she did not know that you knew her brother. This lasted for a long time. Eventually, the heartbreak faded. Spock had not contacted you back at all and your relationship with Michael grew. She was like a sister to you. You felt so embarrassed and ashamed that you had allowed yourself to think negatively about her without any confirmation nor prior knowledge.

 It was not until the celebration ceremony that she found out. You couldn’t hide that you were a special person to Michael’s brother once Amanda saw you though. 

Amanda blinked and waved at you. She rushed to you and gave you a hug. You smiled at her as you held her. When she pulled away, Amanda brushed your hair away from your face, “It has been so long. I am so happy to see you and finally meet you in person.”

“I am so excited to meet you too,” You smiled at the woman.

Michael looked at the two and raised her brow, “Excuse me?”

You blushed and stammered to start to explain when her mother cut you off. “This was Spock’s lab partner. She was very close to him,” Amanda explained.

Michael looked at you and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you knew my brother before?”

You giggled nervously, “It never really came up before.”

Michael nodded and rolled her eyes, “Right. Well, we are going to have to talk about that later.”

You nodded.

After the celebration, you were hailed by the Enterprise. You were so happy. This meant maybe finally seeing him again. Your heart leaped at the opportunity to see your friend again. He still had not responded to your desperate tries of communication. You still held out hope that maybe he was just busy and it really wasn’t a personal thing.

You were saddened deeply when you did not see him. Christopher Pike seemed to understand. He not only comforted Michael but you as well when Spock was not with the group. You asked more about his whereabouts. You, then, learned he had put himself on Starbase 5 to recuperate after recurring nightmares.

Your heart ached for your friend. You wished you could be there for him, but you had a mission you needed to take care of with the rest of your crew, so you wouldn’t, couldn’t, focus on him right now. Your fellow crewmen, your friends, and new family, they had to come first right now. Spock would have reached out if he truly needed you, you thought to yourself, He was just that sort of person. He never hid anything from you. Sometimes he wouldn’t explain everything, but it was only because you never asked and he didn’t need to reach out. 

The news about Spock was soon broken to you and Michael. You aided in her and Pike’s search for her brother. Your heart yearned for him. You never believed he would do anything to harm another person. You agreed completely with his mother. Spock had always been gentle, kind. 

When you followed Michael to Vulcan, you didn’t think your first trip to Spock’s childhood home would be like this. You never believed you would be traveling to his home without him beside you, guiding you there. Everything was sleek. Your hand rode up the banister as you walked up following Michael. She seemed entranced. You stared in awe. This place was just as Amanda described to you many years ago. It was hard to imagine you were finally here.

This did not last long however as when Amanda saw you when she and Michael argued, she stopped. She, then, took the two down to the crypt. She stopped and told you two that Spock was not as you would have remembered him. He was very different.

You heard his voice and raced ahead. He was repeating something. You kept turning around. His voice echoed in the chambers of the red caverns. The water dripping did not help the issue. When you finally spotted him, he was rocking to himself. You ran to his side and touched his now unshaven cheek. You smiled a little at him. He kept stuttering to himself rocking.

Michael gently pulled you away as she noticed her brother standing and walking as if not even noticing anyone’s presence. She whispered to you, “It’s probably safer if we stay out of the way.” She pulled you closer to where she and her mother stood to speak more about Spock’s condition. They spoke about what was the best step moving forward.

Spock’s head was reeling. He kept repeating the same things to himself to ground himself. His own mind started to laugh at him. He couldn’t believe how ridiculous everything was. First, the red bursts. Then, time is not linear. Now, you on Vulcan. Everything was now illogical.

You watched as he carved into the wall. Your heart ached. Everything from you dropped as you walked towards him again. He was still so handsome and he was still your Spock. He wasn’t yours though. You reached to touch him again only for him to turn and start to pace once more. He circled the group once. 

Spock cursed his mind. Right now was not the time he needed to be tormented by a ghost of his tragic love. This ghost treated him just as his lost love would have. It was so gentle, warm, caring. Maybe that was what tormented him the most. He could only try and walk away to focus on what was truly the issue.

When Sarek arrived, you instinctively grabbed hold of Spock’s hand. You tried to tune them out, you really did. You felt yourself crying hearing his father speak about him. You tried instead to listen to Spock recounting Alice in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass. You remembered him murmuring it once before. Your eyes furrowed as you tried to think back. Whenever you would have trouble sleeping, that was it. He didn’t even need to have the written work in front of him. It always had amazed you. He could remember right where he had left off and continue on again.

In the end, you had no choice but to follow what Sarek had said. You only removed yourself from his side when Michael was with him. Whenever she stormed out to check the numbers once more, you rushed in to be with him. Your hand slipped into his again. When Michael returned, you helped her escape with Spock into a vessel. You pet his face gently and whispered to him, “Hang in there Spock. We are here. Michael and I’ve got you.”

In the shuttle, you stayed with him in the back. Michael, after making sure everything was clear, strode over to you and her brother. She knelt before her brother and gently touched his cheek, much as you had. “Spock can you hear me,” Michael asked him. When she was answered with Spock’s mumbling of 841947, she called to the computer and asked, “Computer, search database for matches of the following numbers: 749 148. In that order.” The computer confirmed her request. Michael called it again and told it to give her everything it had. She whispered to him, “Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time.” She paused to study him then continued, “as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was going to happen next. And what are you trying to say? Talk to me.”

“Database match found,” the voice from the computer rang out as if an angel in the dark corner of space they have now retreated to, “One Planetary System located at 7-4-1 Mark 1-4-8. Identification: Talos 4.”

Michael stared at her brother in surprise then stood. She looked back at you and confirmed, “They were coordinates.” She stood and walked back to the helm of your tiny shuttle. Michael set the course to Talos 4 in the fastest speed the ship could take. She looked back to see you had parked yourself back to her brother, gently moving his hair out of his face.

You whispered to your friend, “Thank you. You are doing well.”

Michael, then, commented, “Where is Spock taking us?”

You awoke to the sound of the computer stating facts to know about Talos 4. You groaned and through groggy vision looked for Spock. You panicked until seeing him with his sister. Burnham must have moved him when you slept. He lay silently in the chair next to her. You watched as she spoke to him and administered medicine to him to help him become more lucid. When Burnham sat back, the ship jolted. You grabbed onto the seat as the shuttle went into red alert. You tried to rush towards the front to help navigate the black hole, but Spock quickly pushed you back into the back. Your breath caught in your chest. “Spock,” you whispered.

Michael yelled at her brother to stop his interfering. She tried to fight him off, but he overpowered her forcing them into the black hole. She stared helplessly as her brother forced them into it. The ship warned of the imminent danger.

Spock knew this illusion. He knew that they would be safe. After pushing his illusion away, he stood with his sister at the front of the ship staring at the beautiful blue planet of Talos 4 in front of them.

“Is that an illusion,” Michael asked her brother panting from the panic. She side glared at her brother as she tried to calm herself down again. She thought for a moment then continued, “No. That was a test. We are really Through the Looking Glass now, aren’t we?”

Spock turned his head to stare at you. He wanted this torture of a vision to go away. There was no chance that you could be on this ship with him and his sister. You had to be in your lab somewhere working, not stretching from him pushing you back into your seat. He kicked himself as he sighed and faced forward again.

Once the ship landed, Michael grabbed you to do a search of the surrounding area. You nodded and followed. Both of you checked on Spock before leaving.

The planet was beautiful. You smiled as you looked around. There was music all in the air. Soon the music stopped. You turned to see that Michael had touched a plant. This is what was singing. The two of you smiled at each other and giggled. For a small moment, you and Michael had forgotten your worries and woes to enjoy something.

That was when Michael noticed someone going towards the ship. You tried to rush it, but Michael held you back behind her. She carefully walked up and surprised the woman. “Turn,” Michael commanded the blonde humanoid, “Slowly.” The woman turned to face the both of you. Your phasers set onto her. She was beautiful. It seemed almost unreal that someone so beautiful would actually exist. 

The blonde woman let out a small laugh and smiled, “Who are you?”

“Where I come from,” Michael stated, “The one holding the phaser asks the questions. Are you Talosian?”

The woman slightly shook her head, “No. Human. But a permanent resident.” She turned back towards Spock causing you and Michael to walk forward, phasers still locked on the blonde. The doors closed behind you as the woman whispered to Spock, “It’s me, Vena. Don’t you recognize me?” Spock stared straight ahead not answering her. “What’s happened to him,” she turned to you and Burnham. You could tell she was very concerned so you lowered your phaser.

“Who are you,” Michael asked annoyed, readjusting her grip. She swayed a bit forward. She glared at you seeing you had lowered your weapon.

Vena turned and explained, “I am an old… friend of Christopher Pike. Chris… Is he coming back as well?” She looked very hopeful at this. Your heart suddenly felt relief. You had not even registered that your chest had tightened seeing her so close to Spock. You shook your head. This wasn’t the first nor last time Spock would have close friends. You didn’t understand why you suddenly felt jealousy. 

Michael squinted, “Are you saying Captain Pike and Spock have been here before?” She nodded towards her brother when she referred to him.

“Well in some ways Pike never left,” Vena shook her head and looked towards the ground. She looked back towards Michael and explained her origin. This caused Michael to lower her own phaser and introduce herself. Vena, then, tilted her head up and spoke for the Talosians. They asked for them to beam down with Spock so that they could examine him.

You quickly nodded and moved to get ready to do so, but Michael grabbed your arm and pulled you back, “What do you mean examine him?” The two of you watched Spock slowly nod. Michael put two and two together and then stated, “You brought us here because you knew the Talosians could help you.” She furrowed her brow at him and accused, “Were you in communication with them?”

Spock hit his fist against the ship. You could tell his frustration rising.

Vena and Burnham finally concluded the conversation as you rushed to Spock’s side to try and calm him down. You knelt next to him and smiled up at him. Spock only turned his head away from you as if he didn’t want to look at you. Your heart sank. Tears started to well up behind your eyes. The burning of them cause you to squint and allow a few of the tears roll down your cheeks. Burnham placed a hand on your shoulder and smiled gently at you. She helped you up and comforted you before you made your journey.

When you arrived, you stuck closely to Michael. Everything was moving so quickly. You reached for your head and they turned to you, “May we, also, look into your memories with her brother?” You furrowed your brow.

“What,” you asked confused.

Michael shook her head, “We are going to have to find another way.” She walked towards Spock who shook his head. He turned towards you now slowly coming to terms that you were real. Why else would the Talosians speak to you if you were just an illusion of his mad mind? It wouldn’t have been unlike them, he concluded to himself, but what about Michael? He hadn’t thought about it before, but Michael shouldn’t have been able nor know about his illusion so why would she interact with you either?

When Michael came out of the memory, she pushed herself against the rock. You ran to her. She was panicking. You grasped her hand. She clung on and she hyperventilated. The two of you looked up at Spock to see him look down at Michael commenting, “Now you see.” Michael then passed out. 

If Spock were not in recovery, you would have slapped him. You glared at him. Tears rolled down your face. You removed yourself from holding Burnham and stomped towards the Talosians. “I’m inferring that if you want to study my friend’s memories with her brother because it is a wound for him. I must be the same. I am ready,” you stated through grit teeth. You glared at them. You were furious. Tired of being pushed around, frustrated of being ignored, your fists curled so tightly that your knuckles started to change color.

Your memories were not what you thought they were going to be. The Talosians wanted to see the transition and the grown love you and Spock had shared. They made you replay the memory of first seeing him, of first growing together.

You relived the first winter together, reading in the library. Your head in his lap as you read over some of the project notes. Your eyes becoming droopy as Spock preoccupied with his reading played with your hair. You don’t even think he cognitively registered that he was doing so. The warm drinks you had gotten sitting on the table next to you. He hummed a tune as you studied. The snow falling gently on the heads of the perfectly sculpted snowman and crudely built snowVulcan. 

You smiled as moments from your second spring replayed. You followed behind the image of you and Spock. This was when you pulled him to you to hide from your friends. There was a massive game of hide and seek that you agreed to that Spock actually enjoyed. He commented that it would be a nice practice for stealth-based assignments. You pulled him into a very small alcove in the building. You couldn’t stop your giggling. Spock had to put his hand over your mouth to keep you from revealing your hiding spot. There was a sparkle in his eye that made you want to lean in and place your lips against his, but you held yourself back.

The third summer was spent on a beach with your friends and professors. As the sunset dropped over the water, the sky transitioned to purple, pink, and red. Spock walked next to you. He let enough gap in his arm so that you could wrap yours around his. You slid your arm into the gap and leaned your head on his shoulder as your footprints left their mark on the sand. Once away from the group, Spock removed you from him. He touched his index and middle fingertip to yours. Your breath caught as the jolt rushed through you again. You pulled your lower lip to bite the edge of it. Your eyes locked with his deep brown ones. You moved closer to him. His lips curled at the edges. His coolness melted into a loving warmth. This act always gave you a different perspective of the stoic race of Vulcans. You thought this was just a way for friends to feel closer for Vulcans. You realized through this memory, that you never actually had any other person in your life at that time. Whenever you thought of romance, all you thought of was Spock.

That last fall, you finally were able to convince him to go dancing with you. He was surprisingly spry and light on his feet. You thought you were going to have to teach him for a painstaking amount of hours, but he was able to keep up quite well, for the slow bits at least. Once anything with a faster tempo came to play, he looked a bit confused. He didn’t seem to mind watching you have fun and to try himself. You were really proud of him. 

When you were released from your memories, you looked towards Spock. He had walked towards you. His voice as low as he caressed your cheek, “You are real.”

You nodded. When you looked into his eyes, he looked in so much despair. You pressed your forehead against his as tears rolled down your cheeks. Spock grabbed your hand and laced his thumb, ring finger, and pinkie with yours. The other two fingers pressed together with yours. Instead of the regular jolt that you felt, a warmth washed over you despite his cool hands. You continued your sobbing. You nodded, “Yes I’m real.” Your other hand ran through his longer than normal hair. “I am real,” you repeated in between sobs.

For the first time ever, you heard Spock laugh. Your eyes were closed from crying so you didn’t get to see it. He finished lacing your hands together. He pulled away from you and wiped your tears. “Please forgive me,” He asked.

You looked at him. His brown eyes held a scared look. They always revealed his secrets. He was terrified. You nodded slowly, “Please just never go where I can’t follow.”

“Logically speaking-.”

“Shut up,” You told him. You pulled away and looked towards the Talosians. You silently thanked them. Vena smiled and pulled you away to wash the tears off your face allowing the siblings to have some much needed time to be alone to talk. You did not arrive back until the conversation with Captain Pike. You smiled knowing that you were going to be meeting back with the rest of your crewmen soon. Taking a deep breath, you followed Spock to the shuttle to prepare for beaming to the Discovery once it was in range.

Michael was not ready for the Talosians to bring that memory back up. She didn’t want to relive telling Spock that she didn’t want a “freak like you as a brother” only to have to hear the child him respond back with the words, “But I love you.” She didn’t want to have either one of them have to hear her yell at him that he was not capable of love. Once out of the memory, she tried her best to apologize.

“Spock, I am so sorry,” She said fighting back tears.

Spock’s eyes investigated the ground before looking back at his sister. “In point of fact, I am grateful. Your words showed me how damaging my humanity could be.”

“No, your humanity was beautiful,” Michael argued, “I was a child.”

“You were a catalyst. And in an attempt to escape emotion, to escape you, I fully submerged myself in logic. But my bedrock of logic has always been time itself. And now time has failed me, logic has failed me. Emotion has failed me,” Spock continued, “I have nothing to build upon, yet build I must. This could be the building point of multiple civilizations, millions of lives, and I am not ready.”

Michael studied her brother for a second before asking, “Are you more angry at me or yourself?”

“Do not attempt to,” Spock paused, “psychoanalyze me, Michael. Better minds than yours have tried and failed.”

“Yet,” Michael argued, “You chose me for this journey. You value our connection. Perhaps, the bedrock of your logic is this relationship.”

Spock countered, “Absurd. You are correct, however, on one matter. It was foolish to idolize you and I regret it deeply.”

Right when you were going to interrupt, Vena did instead. She warned of the upcoming danger.

When you arrived back on Discovery, you rushed to Saru and gave your commanding officer a large hug. “Oh, I’ve missed you,” you said with a giant smile. You walked with him towards the lab, “I can’t wait to tell you about the Talosian singing plants.”

After everything had calmed down, you smiled and told Spock and Captain Pike that you had room for Spock in your quarters. Pike seemed to understand and quickly arranged the situation before Spock had time to object. He chuckled seeing his science officer seem so flustered.

You opened your arms to motion to you and Spock’s quarters. “Here we are,” You explained. You sat on your bed and smiled. Your room was full of greenery and plants. You had filled your life with things to care for since Spock’s absence in your life. Pictures of you with your fellow crewmen and your mentor and his partner filled every empty wall space next to your bed. Pictures of you and Tilly laughing at a party, images of the first time Stamets and you took a hiking trip, recollections of you and Michael looking out at the stars, Hugh taking you to your first Kasseelian opera. All of it. Precious memories surrounded you.

A twinge of jealousy hit Spock at that moment. He looked around and commented, “It seems you have adjusted well.” He sighed as he sat on the bed across from you. He laid down staring up at the ceiling.

You smiled and rummaged in your bedstand. You pulled out an album. You held it over Spock’s face and said, “All of yours are in here. I would have needed the entire other side of the room to have enough room for all of our memories.” You placed it into his hands and curled up next to him to look through it with him.

Spock raised his brow at you but wrapped his long arm around you to keep you close to look through the album with you. “You know,” he explained, “We relived a lot of this on Talos 4. We don’t have-”

You put a finger to his lips and shushed him, “Let’s just enjoy this while we can.”

He nodded and started to carefully go through the pages with you. His breathing slowed in relaxation. Spock couldn’t believe that you were so close to him once more. Everything was just the same as it always had. He stole a look at you from the side. You were just as gorgeous now as you were in his memories. Your warmth and love irradiated from you just as it did years ago. Spock found it hard to believe that after everything, you still chose to be in his arms, by his side.

Your work was cut out for you as soon as you arrived back. You found the spore drive defective and Stamets rushing to fix it. You couldn’t disagree. He was in the right. The spore drive was your main mode of transportation. So you focused on that with your mentor.  He counted off the ones you and he had tried then turned to Michael and Spock who were also working in the room. He prodded them to talk. You tried to intervene but they soon started to argue prompting Stamets to kick them out immediately.

It wasn’t long before Spock came to reconvene in the lab. He was alone this time to do his work. You sat on the floor reanalyzing panels while Stamets had decided to move to the electrical conduit. You tried to tune out your partner and mentor squabbling when the power went out.

“Fuck,” you cried out annoyed. Both Spock and Stamets looked at you for a moment.

Stamets called your name in a surprised tone but then cracked a smile, “That’s my protege for you.” He laughed. He shook his head and commented, “I know what you mean. There’s a power short on top of everything else.” He rolled his eyes as he grabbed a flashlight.

“This makes my work impossible,” Spock commented grabbing both your and Stamets’s attention, “And I am not being hyperbolic when I say the future of the galaxy is at stake.”

Stamets looked dumbfounded as he started to storm towards him, “Well, um…”

“Here we go,” you smiled and sat back to watch your mentor tell Spock off. You folded your arms amused.

Stamets strolled over to the tall man and said, “Unless I can reroute power to the adjacent conduit, isolate the corruption, fix it and the spore drive.” He motioned around the room with his flashlight (which actually blinded you for a second), “we are all going to be arrested.” Stamets made a face, “So if you want to save the galaxy, start by helping me.” He tossed Spock the flashlight.

Spock easily caught it and nodded, “Fair point.” He walked with the blond man back to the subsystem as you switched to using battery-operated power. 

You heard Spock hand the flashlight back to Stamets after his boots echoed through the now quiet lab. “I didn’t know you knew anything about electrical,” Stamets commented.

“I have many talents,” Spock replied. Stamets rose his eyebrows at you making a smug face before listening to Spock’s next request, “Flashlight over here please.”

Stamets moved to where Spock had asked him to move. He, then, tried to make conversation, “So, did Burnham’s idea help? Did you figure out why the Red Angel chose you?”

Spock simply shook his head, “No.” He walked away, “I examined it from countless angles.” You heard his voice get louder which meant he must have returned, “Yet I remain an illogical choice.”

“Well,” Stamets asked, “Have you thought about what makes you unique?”

Spock’s voice didn’t seem directed more towards you anymore, so you assumed he must have been looking at your mentor when he said, “I am half-human. Unusual, but there are others like me.” His voice returned, “I can think of nothing else.”

You heard Stamets take a breath. This made you pause in your own work to watch them. It was amazing to see your mentor interact with the person you hold closest to your heart. It reminded you why you loved your mentor in the first place. “Well,” He started, “If I were the Red Angel traveling through time, I’d plan my mind-melding strategy pretty carefully. Wouldn’t just choose a random Vulcan. Keep trying. You’ll figure it out.”

This made you smile. It was as if watching a father-in-law comfort his child’s husband. You could tell, in that moment, just how much you and Michael met to Stamets. Spock, then, turned back on the power.

“Great,” Stamets said walking back to the main hub, “Now if only the spore drive were that easy.”

You called up from the floor, “I think the corruption maybe with the navigator.”

Stamets took off his gloves frustrated, “Oh yeah. Because, you know, that isn’t important. Only holds the map to the entire mycelial network.”

“You’ve traveled that network hundreds of times,” Spock commented, “I’m sure you can travel between two points without assistance. Perhaps you only lack faith in your own abilities.”

Spock turned to walk away. You could tell he just wanted to get back to work. Your mentor followed him though, kicking you along the way, “I know you are angry at Burnham, but she risked her life to bring you here. She loves you.”

“If I may make an observation of my own,” Spock asked before proceeding, “I saw Dr. Culber moving out of your shared quarters. You seemed quite upset.”

Stamets looked confused about what Spock meant, “Yes, he said he needs distance.”

During this Spock stared straight into your eyes, “I submit that the assessment of the situation may be inverted. Perhaps he needs distance from you not because he no longer has feelings for you, but because he no longer knows how to feel about himself.” He looked more into Stamets’s eyes again before turning to return to his work.

When the three of you returned to the bridge, you saw Tilly crying talking to Airiam. You started to tear up and rushed to your redheaded friend’s side. You held her while she talked to your fellow crewman and friend.

Airiam continued, “And all of you will die.” She pleaded, “Please Michael. The airlock.”

You quickly realized what she was trying to say and clung to Tilly. She returned by holding your arms in place but keeping her focus on your friend on the screen.

Michael shook her head, “We can fight this Airiam.” You watched as Michael tried to break into the system.

Spock called out to his sister, “Michael. Stop.”

Airiam interrupted, “I disabled my helmet. I will not survive in space.”

You sobbed. Tilly rested her head against you as tears ran down her face as well. Captain Pike told Michael, “Open the Airlock.”

“Sir,” Michael said, not standing down, “I don’t want to disobey your orders, but if this works.”

“It’s you or her Michael,” Spock reasoned.

“15 seconds,” Airiam cried, “Please.”

“Open the airlock Michael,” Captain Pike repeated.

Michael cried out, “One more minute. Please!”

Tilly spoke up, “Hey Airiam. I’m going to send you your favorite memory. Okay? Look at it.”

“I can’t look at it now, Tilly,” Airiam explained. “Michael,” She called again, “You have no other alternative but to eject me.”

Captain Pike stated, “Burnham, that’s an order.”

Michael cried in frustration and ran to the blue cyber augmented woman. She paused.

Airiam apologized, “I’m so sorry. It wanted me to kill you. Everything is because of you.”

“Because of me,” Michael asked through tears.

“Michael,” Spock tried to get through to his sister, “Open the airlock.”

“Please,” Airiam asked, “Tell everyone I love them.” You sobbed hearing Airiam say that and sobbing as well. You tried to fight back the tears, but you couldn’t. You just held Tilly as much as you could to try and ground yourself. Your heart wrenched. “You have to find Project Daedalus,” Airiam continued.

Michael shook her head confused and repeated, “Project Daedalus?”

The airlock, then, opened and released Airiam into the vacuum of space. Tilly started to allow her tears to fall and held you back fully now. 

That night, you could not sleep alone. You walked over to Spock’s bed and asked, “Can I-”

He already made a spot for you to crawl in, “Yes. Of course.”

You crawled into the bed and curled up next to the rigid man. He did not relax until you had finished moving and getting comfortable. He sighed and started to play with your hair.

His low voice rumbled as he quoted, “`I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; `and the moral of that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."'

`I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, `if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.'

`That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess replied, in a pleased tone.

`Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' said Alice.

`Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. `I make you a present of everything I've said as yet.'

 `A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. `I'm glad they don't give birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to say it out loud.

`Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little chin.

`I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to feel a little worried.

 `Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, `as pigs have to fly; and the m--'

But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even in the middle of her favourite word `moral,' and the arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.”

His voice gave way to tell the most fantastic story. He gave each character a very distinct inflection so that you were able to know exactly who was speaking before he had to tell you in his more normal monotoned voice that he used as the general narrator. Your tears slowly fell onto his chest. Instead of stopping in the story, he held you closer and continued to recount Alice in Wonderland to you until you had fallen asleep.

Once the crew was able to recover her body, there was a funeral. Captain Pike gave a beautiful sermon. Tilly, Stamets, Detmer, and Burnham spoke while Saru sang for her last departure. Every night after Airium’s death, you found yourself curled up next to Spock for comfort. You were pretty sure that you had heard the ending of Alice and Wonderland so now you believe he must have picked up with Alice Through the Looking Glass again. Though, you would never know unless you inquired due to your lack of memorization. 

Dr. Culber had you taken from your post to try and rest. He leveled with Captain Pike that after all the trauma you were enduring, it would be best if you didn’t have too much on your plate. Instead, Stamets had you stay in the gardens. It was nice to work. It took your mind off a lot of things. The ability to care for something and be able to see the fruits of your labor calmed your mind. 

You were only removed from your garden area when they decided to destruct the Discovery. You were evacuated with your equipment and Spock had luckily packed all of your pictures and plants from your room. When you made it aboard the Enterprise, Spock pulled you into his quarters to comfort you from your panic. You had no idea that you were hyperventilating until you felt his strong arms around you. Your breathing and heart rate slowed as he hushed your panic. He rocked you for a moment then smiled, “Do you like it?” 

You looked around his room. It was very clean, but it seemed like he kept a few personal items, including a musical instrument that you didn’t recognize. You opened your mouth to ask him about it, but he answered, “I have many talents.” You smiled at the room.

“Spock,” You turned to face him. You felt so much for him. Every moment, every feeling seemed to build up to this very moment. You went to him to whisper.

“Lt. Spock to the Bridge,” The bridge called.

You let out a sigh and felt Spock sigh as well. “I will be back,” He promised.

As soon as he got back, he shook his head and said, “It’s time to get us back onto the Discovery.” 

You pouted and grabbed only your pictures with your friends this time. You mumbled, “Stupid ass sphere data.”

Upon hearing Michael’s speech, you got back to your work with the spore drive. You tried your hardest to optimize it as much as you could. Maybe you could make it come online faster, maybe… It was useless. You thought in your head for a moment and walked to your quarters to get ready for the oncoming battle.

You smiled as you walked out seeing Stamets. He smiled back at you through your tears. He wrapped his arm around your and patted your hand, “I am going to assume you came to the same conclusion.” You nodded and followed him to the rest of the group that decided to stay on the Discovery to be with Michael.

Tilly giggled as everyone gathered together. She teared up as well, “I’m going to go get Michael now.”

Spock nodded, “Please do.”

When Tilly walked back, she explained, “Some people are still working. Poe is designing on siege weapons… which I can’t even…” She trailed off but got back on topic, “Anyway, We are here because we are staying with you.”

“No,” Michael immediately replied, “No. I can’t let you do this.” She took a small step back.

Reno spoke up, “We aren’t asking for permission.”

“This isn’t possible,” Michael tried to explain her standpoint, “You have lives. You have people who love you. Families who love you. They will never see you again.”

Saru nodded, “Commander, Our families accepted the possibility of this moment when we joined Starfleet. Committing to a life amongst the stars is in itself a resolution to leave some things behind.”

“But I don’t know what the future holds,” Michael continued to argue.

“No one does,” Stamets spoke up.

You continued his sentence, “We just have now.”

Spock tried to end the argument, “We are coming with you, Michael. Further argument would be futile. Please accept this.”

Michael shook her head. You could tell she was about to cry. This couldn’t last long. All of you needed to get to your stations. 

You touched your two fingertips to Spock’s for the last time before the jump and whispered, “See you on the other side.”

A rush of emotions filled the both of you. Spock jerked up and looked at you with a gleam in his eye. He shook his head and said, “I have to explain what that means after all of this.”

Just like that, you two went to your separate stations to work. You focused on the drive and keeping the lab up and running as everyone else focused on the “main” areas needed.

Spock looked at his sister and gave her a touching Vulcan salute before turning to the shuttle. “Stay in my wake,” he commanded.

He drove his sister through the battlefield. So many things rushed through his head, but he had to focus on only this. This was his first priority. If he couldn’t do this, none of the other rushing thoughts would matter anyway.

You braced for impact, but every time, it still nearly threw you across the room. You cursed as you grit your teeth to continue your work trying to ignore the spark burns. You had to push forward. For your family, you had to keep going forward. For Spock, you had to keep going.

Spock comforted his sister. He thought for a moment and realized they were in an open loop. He guided Michael to the answer and she coordinated her jumps. When the shot hit his shuttle, he yelled for Michael to go.

When Michael got back, Saru told Michael that it was time to go. She turned to Spock and said, “Alright It’s time to go Spock. Get back to Discovery.”

Spock looked at his ship. “Michael,” He called his sister’s attention, “I cannot.”

“What,” Michael asked. She prayed he was joking. It wasn’t the time or place for him to be saying this.

Spock nodded, “When my vessel was hit. My engines are disabled.”

“Discovery can lock onto you with a tractor beam,” Michael bargained.

Spock disagreed, “There is no time and even if there were, they would have to lower their shields to bring me aboard. They will not survive doing so. Not in this battle. Not with the amount of damage that ship has already sustained.” He looked at his sister pleadingly, “You must go.”

Michael shook her head and walked towards her brother, “I just got you back. I don’t wanna let go.”

“Neither,” Spock admitted, “do I.”

Michael started to cry, “We already lost you once.”

“You never lost me, Michael,” Spock comforted, “As a child, I was truly lost. The path of my father, the path of my mother, you came into our lives and taught me that it was possible to travel both. You found me. You saved me.”

Michael shook her head, “That wasn’t me. That was always in you.”

“You are my balance, Michael. You always have been,” Spock said shaking his head, “and I’m afraid that I will not find it again without you.”

Michael took in a deep breath and said, “Okay. Listen to me, little brother. This is the last advice I will ever be able to give you.”

Months later, Spock was going through his personal things. His brow raised as he found something hidden in the album of you and he that you had left before the Discovery’s disappearance. He pulled it out to see a message log. He put it into his computer. There stood you. 

“Hey,” you started, “Or, should I say, hello Spock. To me, I just saw you moments ago so it feels strange doing this. If you are seeing this, I’m sure you know that I decided to stay on board the ship with my crewmen.” You took a deep breath. Tears had started to fall, “And you are not here with me. But it’s okay. It’s okay because I know now how to say it. I know now what you were trying to tell me. I love you...and I know you love me too.” You licked your chapped lips and laughed, “It’s actually really comforting. Even if we don’t grow old together, after this experience I know that we will love each other forever. Time has to keep repeating itself for the timeline to be complete, so we are forever in a loop where we fall in love with each other. Isn’t that amazing?” You shook your head, “I’ve loved you since I first saw you at the Academy. You were tall, handsome, and nothing like I had ever experienced before. I was thrilled that we got to go through our training life together, even if you were a handful sometimes. I have to admit though. You were a lot kinder than I first thought. A lot more gentle too. You are sassy and sometimes annoyingly a know it all. I just… I think I realized then that no matter how much I reached for you, you wouldn’t ever reach back. So I waited for you. Which is what I will do now. I’m going to wait for you.” You smiled. It looked as though you were going to end the message, but then you said, “Oh wait! One more thing. I figured it out.” You held up the Vulcan Salute, “Live Long and Prosper, My Love.”

Spock wiped his tears from his eyes and ended the message. He took the disk and placed it into a pocket next to his heart in his new blue uniform.

“Mr. Spock to Bridge,” The bridge called to Spock after he was done shaving. He walked onto the bridge.

Everyone stared at the now clean-shaven and trimmed haired Spock before them. He broke the silence by asking about the anomaly.

“I believe so, number one is running it now,” Captain Pike confirmed.

Once confirmation hit, it eased Spock’s soul. He felt relieved to see that his sister and love had made it through the wormhole safely.

That was when a communications officer called, “Sir, I am getting an SOS call from near the seventh signal.”

 You stood out on the ship deck with Tilly. You stared out. “He wasn’t able to make it,” Tilly commented.

“No,” you replied back. You smiled gently at her and Reno, “I just don’t think the universe ever wanted us to be together.”

“Fuck that,” You heard from a weak voice behind you. You turned to see Stamets leaning on Hugh. He pushed you into an escape pod, “Fuck that, ‘the universe doesn’t want me and my boyfriend together’ bullshit.” He looked toward Tilly and released you out on his count.

“It looks like an escape pod from the Discovery, sir,” The analyst called out to Captain Pike.

Captain Pike replied, “Then let’s go get it.”

Spock’s heart lept. He raced to the transporter room before anyone even needed to tell him to be there. His sister’s advice echoed through his mind, “There’s a whole galaxy out there, full of people who will reach for you. You have to let them. Find the person who seems farthest from you and reach for them.”

He stood and watched as you materialized in front of him from the transporter. You ran to him. Your arms wrapped themselves around his neck as you kissed him. Your hands buried themselves in his hair. Spock took this time to wrap his arms around you as well to reciprocate. Much to your surprise, your Vulcan love deepened the kiss full of devotion and love.

“Reach for them. Let them guide you,” Those words rang in his mind. 

When he finally felt like he could let go, he pulled away. He rested his forehead against yours, “I lied to you.”

“I know,” You said crying. Relief hit you like a tsunami. Here you were, finally, with the man you loved so desperately.

Spock pulled away just enough to look into your eyes, “I will not do so anymore. Please, will you agree to be bound to me for life? I think the proper term is..”

“Yes,” you exclaimed, “I will marry you.”

[bohemiansweede]

HOT SPACE

HOT SPACE

Fanfic

Pairing Brian May Reader

Warnings Smut 🔞

A/N Please like and reblog or if you want leave a comment

Thank You

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- No.. I really like the "HOT SPACE" album Bri.. No matter what you or the critics might think..

- It's fuckin disco Y/N...

- Maybe it will take time for it to sink in for some people.. And it is just because you don't dance.. You'll never know.. maybe you like it later on..

Brian shrugged his shoulders and took down the last of his beer before he hinted to the bartender to give him another one

He looked around and saw John, clearly drunk dancing on around the tables, Freddie was happy, he chatted and mingled with everyone, Roger was cheerful and snuggled in his girlfriends neck

- Damn it.. This party sucks aswell.. maybe I begin tog get to old for this shit

The release party was a huge success for everyone.. well.. Everyone else but Brian

- Bri C'mon.. Cheer up a little, a new tour is coming, you enjoy to be on the road right?

- Yeah.. It's not that love.. Ehhmm, I have been thinking a lot lately and... I am well over 30 and.. Damnit.. I don’t have my own family.. Even Roger.. Can you believe Roger got a kid before ME!!

- Brian, you are drunk.., you have never mentioned this before..

You could clearly see the panic form in his eyes and even if he had been drinking, you knew he was right

You sipped on your drink and twirled the tiny umbrella between your fingers

- I am serious Y/N.. I have been so deep into writing and music that I have just literally missed everything else around me and.. I know that don't have a biological clock like you girls but... still... And you? You are still falling for wrong guys or am missing something?

You knew that he was right

All idiots were drawn to you like magnets, and you were closing in on 30..shit

- Sooo... What are you plan then, you are not exactly meeting your wife while sitting in your studio.. Or.. Hey.. You can go to one of thoose clinics and wank off in a mug... Giggle

- No fuckin way.. Are you fuckin mad??? I am kinda famous.. Have you forgot that?

You kept giggling, you could see him in front of you, sneak in there with a big coat and hat..

- Sry Bri... Just thought... Well... If not that and adoption is a deal for you.. I have a suggestion...

He stopped in motion and you could see his eyes widened like he already knew what you were about to say, you had been friends for a few years now and always joked about stuff but..

- Brian.. You want a a kid, a family... so do I, Ehhh.. Sooo ... why not help eachother?

Brian spat out his beer over the bar and almost dropped the glass and if his eye wasn't already fully wide..

His mouth fell open and he started to stutter and you were not quite sure if he was laughing or not

- Ohh.. Omg.. Y/N.. Ehh.. You said I was drunk but.. Omg.. You mean... Shit... Seriously?

He stopped laughing and looked and your serious face

- Omg.. You're really serious

- Hey guys!!! Cheer up!!!

Freddie came bouncing and slammed his palm in Brians back

- The party is over there!!, He pointed with his thumb towards the back of the room

- You go ahead Bri, I think it's time for me to go home..

- You sure sweetie? He wrapped you into a big hug that only he could, are we still having dinner next Friday?

- Yes.. I'll be over at 7 as usual.. You gaved a soft kiss on his cheek and saw him leaving with Freddie

You tried to not think of the embarrassing incidence during the week.

But had you really made a fool of yourself and said theese things? .. If so, you could only hope he would not remember any of it from that night

For as long as you could recall, you tried to hold on to the ritual to see eachother every Friday, from the beginning it was four of you from a science class, now it was only you and Brian

Of course it was a strouggle during the tour, but then he always called instead, from Asia, USA.. Sometimes boyfriends or girlfriends had joined and a few occasions you had been little waisted so you had shared a kiss or two, but.. never more...

You smiled for yourself while you jumped out from the taxi, Brian the hopeless romantic and gentleman

You really wished the best for him, a really sweet girl someone who..

- Y/N!!! HI!!!!!

- Hi Bri... Am I early?

- No.. God you look beautiful .., the food is in the owen, come in

He placed a soft kiss on your forehead and you breathed in his aftershave, he always smelled so good

- I brought wine, shall I open it?

You went into the kitchen where he had prepared vegetarian food, he were an amazing chef, your stomach almost screamed of hunger

He stod silent behind you.. watching

- Y/N.. The other day

- Bri.. I..

- No... S'alright.. been thinking tho... What did you mean when you said we should help eachother

Shit.. There was no turning back from this, he remembered.. every single word

Sometimes you really wish you were an ostrich

- You ok hunnie? He caressed your upper arm and an electrical stream went through your spine

- Brian.. Thing is.. You swallowed hard.. I was kinda hoping you forgot..

- I do not forget things like that Y/N..

You started to fiddle with the corkscrew..

- Have you changed your mind

- No.. No.. But.. I.. We didn't finish talk about it and.. It is not just to buy a loaf of bread you know..

It became silent again, you started to sip on your wine, no matter what were about to happen it was best to get shitfaced, in the corner of your eye you saw Brian pour a glass for himself aswell and never taken it down so fast

- Don't missjudge me, you are very attractive and it is not that... I wa.. I don’t... Damn it... But our friendship.. I am afraid that we are losing what we have..

- Me to Bri..me too, but I want a kid aswell .. And if this is the only way for us.. We might have both friendship and a baby..

- But... He put down his glass.. If it doesn't work.. I mean.. Do we ke..

- Keep trying? Yes.. I want it to work.., you closed the gap between the two of you

- B.. But.. This means that we are going to have sex right.. Shit.. I can't just.. you know.. without touching.. And..

He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip

You placed your head on his chest and trailed your hands up and down his back

- It's ok Bri.. It is just me...

- That's the thing... It's you.. You.. My friend.. My everything..

- Brian... Look at me

It was almost like he forbid himself to look at you, he shok his head and a tiny tear fell from his eye

- I want you... I want th..this.. s.. so bad.. He stuttered.. pl please.. let me kiss you

Finally your lips met, you let out a tiny whimper and your fingers tangled in his dark curls

You pushed your body against his and his hands fumbled with your blouse

- Oh.. No.. Brian.. Shit.. I want this to be so perfect.. Our first time.. Shall we.. shall we.. you phanted in his mouth

- It.. It is perfect love... It is with you..

He turned off the stove, the food were less important now, took your hand and led you down the hall to his bedroom

Never before had your own heart beaten so fast, it felt like your first time all over again, in one way it was but now it was with a man you were so sure of, that you had known so long

His head fell back and his eyes closed again.. you kissed him softly on his exposed neck and he started to breathe faster, his strong arms pulled you closer and you felt every muscle, every fibre in his body wanting you

- L.. Let me touch you..

His voice almost cracked

You helped him by taking his hand up to your breast and already hard nipple, he cupped it gently and started touching it while moaning in your ear

- Please Bri... I...

- Sssscchh... I know... I know.. Let's not rush it ok.. I have wanted to touch you for so long..

Your hips bucked against his crotch, you whole body was in flames

You tried desperately to unbuttoned his shirt and you both giggled a little

He cupped your face with his big hands and looked deep into your eyes

- You do know that I love you so much Y/N..

He kissed you with such passion and intensity, his tounge left a trail along your neck like a lava stream

- Omg Bri.. I.. I love I love you too...

- Mmmmm... There is soo much I want.. Mmm I want to do with you... I have thought about this so long..

He laid you down on the bed as you were a treasure, and hooked his long finger in your jeans

- Lift up hunnie

He smirked up at you and you tried to help him wiggle down your tight jeans, in same motion came your underwear and he gasped after air

- Brian... You have seen this before haven't you..

- N.. Not yours... Shit I.. Want to make you feel so good but I am afraid I might explode

- Bri.. We have time..

He took his long fingers and drawed patterns on your inner thighs while looking at your glistening core, with one finger he followed the slit between your folds up towards your nub and stopped

He looked at you while circling your clit fast with his thumb, his other hand held a tight grip around his member

He removed his thumb and replaced it with his mouth, he flicked his tongue in fast motion, he whined and whimpered against your core and you could tell he was struggling to hold back

- Ahhh Brian ohhh God, feels so good.. Ahhh yes....

Your walls were soon contracting in an orgasm and you took a firm grip in his hair and pulled him closer

- Bri... Ohh Bri... Please... I am ready.. Make me pregnant...

He looked up and smiled at you and once again you saw the tears were building up in his eyes..

Also you felt it...

This could be it..

It could be happening

He placed himself between your legs and kissed you soft on your lips and pushed a piece of your hair behind your ear

You felt him in your entrance slightly stretching you out bit by bit

You were trembling under him

You moved together in unison

His body were shaking and you knew that he could not hold back so much longer

- Omg Y/N... I.. Oh God ohhh.. I am so close...

He tried to slow down his pace but you stopped him by wrapping your legs around his back

- Ohh Yes Brian Fill me.. Fill me.. Please Ahh yes...

You could feel every vein on his throbbing cock was ready to push his seed inside your body

He snapped his hips a few more times until he came, you felt his warm wave of cum through your walls

Your final contractions emptied him on the last drops..

You wanted everything

All your limbs were tangled together, you laid like that for a long time before anyone said anything

- Do you think it worked Y/N?

- Mmmmm maybe?

- You know we cannot go back to the way we were even if it didn't work right away...

- I don't want to Brian...

- Me neither..

This had changed everything for you

And this first weekend actually did work... It planted a little seed inside of you

But neither of you knew that yet

That is another story

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Enjoy more reading in my masterlist

[piratewithvigor]

Love Break My Heart: Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Summary: A half-life relationship is disintegrating at the seams. Neither of them is good for the other, but after 14 years together, they don’t know how to be with each other anymore.

Word Count: 2179

A/N: This is a prize story written for @slashscowboyboots​ that is getting written super fast because I seem to be on a roll. Unless I get hit with a massive plot bunny, the next chapter will be the final one.

I’m running. It’s a distant memory from long ago, but I can feel the uneven gravel under my sneakers. Every little pebble getting stuck in the grooves of the sole. My lungs are aching for air, but I’m not slowing down. I can’t afford to slow down. The tree shows itself over the horizon and I exhale hard in relief. The tree is safety presenting itself to us, allowing us reprise.

I don’t slow down until I grab hold of the tree, the bark scraping the skin on my hand and wrist. Only then do my feet stop moving. Axl arrives moments after I do, tagging into pause in much the same way, but not drawing blood from his palm like I did.

His face is much the same as it is now. A jawline that could cut glass and lips appearing just as soft. His hair is a little shorter and not quite as straight, but he’s already well on his way to having it be too long for most of Indiana. The one thing that’s never changed are his eyes. Even as he’s gasping for air with his hands on his knees, he looks up at me and his eyes are the same. They remind me of the day I first noticed them: a stormy day with a grey sky shadowing over green fields. We’d snuck out of class to smoke under the bleachers of the football field and got caught in the storm. We stayed mostly dry there and got the best view of the downpour. Axl had said something that made me look into his eyes and notice them for the first time. His words exactly are lost to me.

Once Axl catches his breath, he straightens up and grins.

“So you beat me here; big whoop.”

“I don’t think that’s what the deal was,” I counter, crossing my arms as I lean against the tree.

“What deal? I don’t remember a deal.” He’s trying to look innocent and for a moment, it almost works on me. But no fourteen-year-old buys crap that obvious.

“C’mon, Bill. You gotta do it. I beat you fair and square.”

Axl sighs before taking a few steps back from me to give himself space. To his credit, he isn’t one to back down from a bet, no matter how stupid it was. And this was the epitome of stupid.

“Friday night and the lights are low, looking out for a place to go…” His voice sounds ridiculous when mentally compared to the original vocals of Dancing Queen, but his attitude towards it is perfect. With the front of his hair fluffed out to the sides, he looks just like a ginger version of Agnetha Fältskog.

I’m cracking up during the entire performance. Partly because of watching my best friend make a fool of himself to no one but me, but also because he’s putting so much effort into it. I didn’t even know he knew all the words to Dancing Queen, but life surprises you daily. The chorus is the moment he truly belts out into the open field. It’s the moment when I watch all of the cares leave his body. All the stress. Everything he has to suffer through at his house is forgotten and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was enjoying himself.

I’m almost sad to hear the song end, but it does. And with an almost regal bow that I’m sure caused Axl to brush the grass underneath with his elbow. Just to play along, I’m applauding. I’m sure he thinks it’s to make fun of him, which is what the whole ordeal was supposed to be about in the first place, but there’s a hint of sincerity in there that I hope he picks up on.

“Thank you, thank you, all,” he declares, speaking to an imaginary audience. “We’ve been ABBA and now we’re going to shut the fuck up so no one has to hear that goddamn song ever again.”

“Bold words coming from someone who knows every line.” I smirk, sitting down with my back against the tree.

“Everyone knows every line. When’s the last day you haven’t heard that fucking noise on the radio?” He gripes, sitting down across from me.

“Fair enough. Wish they’d play more of the good stuff. Like that new Aerosmith album.”

Axl covers his ears in a hurry.

“Don’t say anything about it! I’ve been saving my allowance for three weeks to get it, so don’t spoil it!” I chuckle and reach over to pull his hands away from his ears.

“I won’t say anything, but why don’t you just come to my place to listen to it?”

“I can’t listen to anything for the first time with someone else in the room. It ruins the experience.”

“That seems stupid.”

“It’s not stupid! It’s like… It’s like the movies, y’know?” I raise my eyebrow at him. He’s fumbling for an explanation hard enough that he looks like he might fall over. “Like, when you go to the movies, sometimes you can go with someone if you don’t really care about it, because half your attention is watching how the other person reacts the entire time and it doesn’t matter. But if you go alone, you can really pay attention to the details.”

“Guess that makes sense. You’ve really thought this through, huh?”

“You gotta. What’s the point in enjoying something unless it’s the best experience it can be?”

Axl’s eyes have lit up while he’s talking. If I’m being honest, my mind is in two places as I listen: half focused on what he’s saying and half watching him say it. Axl doesn’t talk with his hands too much like how some people do when they get passionate. He talks with his eyes. You can only see it if you’re truly looking for it. It might be the reason why none of the adults ever thought he cared about anything. But he truly does.

“Is being alone all you need to enjoy an album?” I eventually ask, on the realisation that I haven’t said anything in a few moments.

“Usually. Sometimes I smoke a little, but that’s only for, like, Pink Floyd or something. Speaking of which…” He gives me a look and I know he knows I know what he’s talking about. It’s still fun to dick around with him anyway.

“Speaking of what?”

“C’mon, Jeff…”

“You must have me confused with some kind of scoundrel,” I smirk, pulling my cap down over my eyes.

“I have you confused with no one, you pothead dipshit,” Axl laughs, flicking my cap off.

“Well, since you were so mean to me, I’m just going to smoke it all, then.”

“I’ll frisk you over it.” He says it like a threat, but my heart still skips a beat when he says it.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

I hadn’t noticed we were in a Mexican standoff until we were already knee-deep. He was on his knees, staring me down without a hint of joking in his expression. I was doing my best to keep the same stoicism on my face, but something in the air was making me want to giggle. It was probably only a minute or so before I cracked and reached into my shirt pocket to toss the little baggie of joints at him.

“Yeah, I’m the pothead,” I snickered as I watched him light one up eagerly.

“You’re baked more than a Dunkin Donuts,” he countered, exhaling happily.

“No shit, idiot. Donuts are fried.”

“Just like your brain from how much you smoke.”

The back-and-forth continues and only grows sillier as we smoke. We both consider ourselves experts on pot. Real hot shit because we know how to do it without coughing too much. Typical young teenager dumbassery.

The evening is growing later and our conversation is calmer. Less silly and more dreamy. Axl is no longer sitting across from me, but beside me with his back to the tree as well to make passing the joint back and forth easier. Our shoulders are brushing and sometimes hands as well. If I weren’t a little high, I never would have thought anything of it, but my mind keeps getting drawn back to every detail about the kid sitting beside me. Details like how he always smells like old books on Monday morning because he spent all of the day before at church. How his clothes never quite fit him right because they’re either from when he was a kid, or he’s lost weight. How soft his hair feels when a light breeze blows a few strands into my face.

“When we get out of here, we’re going to be huge,” he murmurs, finally accepting that we’ve smoked the joint down to the nub and puts it out.

“I mean, yeah, obviously. Who wouldn’t want to listen to you, Miss Disco Queen?” I tease. He punches me lightly in the arm.

“I’m serious. We could totally make it. We’ve got the stuff.”

“And when have you ever heard of someone from Indiana really making it big?”

“No one from Indiana, exactly, but tons of hick kids make it big. Like, Liverpool is the hick town of England, I think.”

“You serious?”

“I mean, probably. They sound like hick English guys when they talk.”

“And Buddy Holly was from a hick Texas town.”

“Jeff, he died when he was 23. Not the greatest role model.”

“He was 22, but think of it: that was almost 20 years ago and people still like him.”

“What’s your point?”

I shrug and cross my fingers behind my head to cushion it from the tree. “Dunno anymore. Guess that anyone can make it with the right stuff.”

Axl seems to agree with me because he doesn’t say anything else.

The moment is one that sticks with me long afterwards. In the 14 years since we’ve been 14, I still remember every detail. My back is aching against the rough back poking through my shirt and I know Axl’s back is hurting from the beating he’d gotten a few days ago. The bruises were finally turning away from the nasty black and blue, but now they were yellow, which was almost worse. He’s leaning on me a little bit. Not in a way that implied anything, just in a way that expressed his exhaustion from the evening. The sun is setting in front of us and I almost wish I had brought my sunglasses. I usually never go anywhere without them, but the race from my house to the tree was something I couldn’t risk losing them on. In a way, I’m glad. It means nothing is blocking the colours. The sky is the same orange as Axl’s hair. The setting sun over the horizon feels the same way the colour appears; warm, safe. I’m feeling the gold-laced orange on my face and against my fingers as I lower my hands from behind my head and tentatively wrap one around Axl’s shoulders. He doesn’t move beyond adjusting to allow me to place my arm comfortably and I take it to mean he’s okay with the change. Just in case I took his body language wrong, I turn to him to check and my body freezes. The glow of the dusk is still radiating from him, making his hair glow. It feels like I’m holding a small ball of fire under my arm. He turns to look up at me and I feel I should turn away, but I can’t bring myself to. The sight is too spectacular to have end.

Axl ends it for me.

Before I can apologise for my staring, his lips are on mine. They’re just as soft as I always guessed they were. Plush and yielding and unwilling to let me back away. He tastes like the weed we just smoked with a hint of the burgers my mom made for us only a few hours ago. He tastes like Axl. Feels like Axl. I could make all the comparisons I wanted to, but at the end of the day, he was more than the sum of the parts I love about him. He’s Axl. My Axl.

He pulls away hardly an inch and I find myself as breathless as I was after sprinting a mile. Breathing isn’t as important as it once was. Nothing seems to be. Everything that’s important to me is already here.

“I hope that was okay…” He whispers, the lasting sunlight illuminating the blush spotting his cheeks. “I’ve been wanting to do that for months.”

“You’re not the only one,” I respond, cupping his face in my free hand. I pull him close and kiss him again, dissipating all the fear I know he held during the first.

I go back to this memory often. Reminding myself of the love we held for each other once upon a time. I’m back in it again tonight as I sit alone at the kitchen table, holding an ice pack to my face to ease the swelling after my Fireball successfully got me with a lamp.

[parachutingkitten]

Dancing Without You - Ch 4: Ice Cream

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3

Whose ready for the title drop? I am! I absolutely had way too much fun writing a party with this select group of ninja for the second half of the chapter. It’s a bit of fun fluff before absolutely everything hits the fan next chapter. 

Happy Reading!

“I’ll take a double scoop of the rocky road.” Cole pointed to the tub through the window as Madelyn began scooping. 

“In a cone, or a cup?” 

“Cup please,” He smiled.

“Anything else?” Madelyn asked, handing him his cup over the counter. 

“I also need a double scoop of cotton candy in a cup as well please.”

I hit Cole on the shoulder as he chuckled. “I can pay for my own ice cream, you know!” I scolded. 

“Chill Lia, I have a bunch of extra cash on my student account that I’ve got to spend by the end of the month,” He explained. “I accidentally added an extra 200 dollars to my account instead of 20 dollars, so... I’m definitely going to be hitting up the student shop later this week.” 

I laughed as Madelyn handed me my cup and moved over to the cash register. 

“That'll be $6.50, just go ahead and swipe your student id.” Madelyn instructed.

Cole did just that as the receipt started printing. “And that’s it! Thanks,” she smiled, handing it to him. 

“Thanks Maddie!” I smiled as we walked out towards the field.

“You know her?” Cole asked. 

“She works there every Wednesday and Friday. Don’t you recognize her?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “But I don’t know her name!”

“I don’t know. I think it’s rude not to make an effort,” I shrugged as we sat down on the grass. It was a beautiful sunny day outside for being the middle of fall. It was the perfect temperature outside with the sun peeking out just enough to warm the air. I knew perfect weather like this couldn’t last long though. “So, you ready for midterms?” I asked, eating my first spoonful of ice cream.

“Midterms,” Cole laughed nervously. “Yeah. I have no idea how ready I am, but it’s definitely not ready enough.”

“I’m excited! I mean, in just a few weeks we’ll get our rankings! Aren’t you excited to see where you fall?”

Cole rolled his eyes, looking down at his ice cream, mixing it around with his spoon. “I don’t know. It all seems a little superficial to me. I mean, how can you possibly distill all of someone’s talent down into one number? And then they’re going to take everyone’s number and rank us against each other? Doesn’t that just seem needlessly antagonistic?”

“I mean, most schools have grades. That’s how grading things works,” I shrugged, taking another bite.

“It just doesn’t seem right. Singing and dancing and all this stuff is all just so subjective. It shouldn’t have such a concrete ranking system attached to it.”

“Well… yeah. It’s blunt, but that’s kind of just how performance arts work. They’re competitive, and messy and… harsh.” 

Cole seemed distant. He looked at me for a moment, pensive. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just not really for me.”

“What do you mean not really for you?” I pressed.

“It’s kind of hard to explain,” he sighed. “But it’s like… recently, I’ve been feeling more and more like instead of going to school here, I’m just being trapped here, you know?”

I studied him. He was being honest, but I didn’t exactly know what to make of it. “Well, I know classes can be tough, but everyone knows first year is the hardest. Things will ease up soon. I mean, you might feel like you want to leave, but it’s not like you’re actually considering it, right?”

He paused for a moment, looking out at the skyline. “...maybe. I mean, the more I stay here, the more I feel like I just don’t belong. Like I can’t fit into the mold that everyone wants from me.”

“Cole, you’re a great dancer! If you’re worried about living up to people’s expectations, don’t be-”

“It’s not that.” he shook his head. “I just don’t fit in the system. I can’t do this forever. I can’t live like this.”

I set my ice cream down on the grass, thinking for a moment. “Look, I know this kind of stuff is a lot of work. And I get that it comes easier to me than it does for a lot of people, but you shouldn’t throw away your chance just because it gets hard. I mean, why did you come here in the first place unless you really wanted something out of it, right?”

Cole’s head hung low as he picked at the grass. 

“I… didn’t choose to come here.

My dad did.”

~*~*~*~

“Oh! We’re halfway there! Oh! Livin’ on a prayer!”

They both sounded absolutely terrible at this point in the song, but the energy in the room was undeniable. Lia had pulled out all her snacks, moved the furniture, dug up her mini disco ball, and had started blasting music. She and Jay and were currently caught in an intense impromptu Karaoke battle, Jay singing into the ice cream scooper while Lia had chosen the tv remote as her microphone of choice. 

“Hold on! Hold on!” Jay screamed out, “Air guitar solo!”

“Shred it guys!” I called out, egging them on as they flailed around in the middle of the room.

“Put your heart into it, Jay!” Pixal mocked him. “She’s wiping the floor with you!” 

Pix and I both laughed as the last set of choruses came around. 

“You really weren’t kidding, she’s extremely high energy.” She looked over at me, smiling.

“Yeah, she was a good warm up for dealing with Jay,” I joked, both of us laughing again.

“Take my hand! We’ll make it, I swear!” They were singing into each other’s faces at this point, more screaming than singing. “Oh! Living on a prayer!”

Both of them pumped their fists in the air as the song faded out, Pix and I both cheering them as they bowed. 

“It’s such a good song!” Jay raved.

“It’s such a good song!” Lia tossed the remote onto the couch in the corner, taking a few heavy breaths. 

“Sorry about that Cole, I had a bit of a point to prove,” Jay boasted, walking over to the snack table. “Which flavor did you want?” He looked down at the various tubs of ice cream.

“You know what, I don’t even think I want ice cream anymore,” I shrugged.

“Well, I want some mint chip!” Lia called to him, running over. “I am overheating big time!” She smiled. 

“I know, right?” Jay agreed, dishing some up for her, my eyes drifting.

“You rocked it up there.”

“I’ve done my fair share of lip sync battles, I know how to work a good song,” Jay smirked, handing her the bowl he had scooped.

My eyes had been drawn to the neat orange stone hung around Lia’s neck, shining in the dancing light of the disco ball. “Is that the necklace?” I asked.

“Oh! Yeah,” She lifted it off her neck. “I usually only wear it for good luck, like when I’m auditioning for stuff or what not, but I thought since you’re here it’d be appropriate.”

“I didn’t even think you’d have it still,” I chuckled. 

“What’s this all about?” Pix asked. 

“Oh nothing,” Lia shrugged. “Cole just got me this necklace at the end of first semester.”

Pixal leaned over, looking at it. “It’s a beautiful piece of sunstone,” she admired.

“It’s kind of a long story,” I waved it off, glancing back at Lia, now enjoying her ice cream.

“Hold on,” Jay interrupted, pointing at the other end of the room. “Is that a guitar? Do you play guitar?!”

“Yeah, I play guitar,” She smiled. “I know most of the basics. Guitar, Piano, Violin, I’m learning how to play the flute. I’ll have to play for you sometime, you know, when my voice isn’t so hacked up from song battling you,” She winked.  

“As in like… play and sing?” Jay asked. “You sing too?! As in like, real, legit singing?”

Lia burst out laughing, leaning on my shoulder. “Cole, this idiot wants to know if a Marty Oppenheimer Alumni can sing! What do you think?!”

“Yes, she can sing,” I rolled my eyes at Jay.

“Does that mean you can sing too?” Jay nudged me.

“Oh, you’ve never heard him sing?” Lia smiled, turning to me, wide eyed.

“I can sing, but that doesn’t mean that I do. Not anymore anyways,” I stopped them.

The music began to switch as Lia took my hand. “That’s okay, Cole’s always been much more of a dancer.” She smirked. “Come on, this song is great for swing dance!”

“You know full well, I dropped out right before the swing dance unit,” I put my hands up in surrender.

“I don’t know, that sounds like quite a slim excuse to me,” Pixal teased.

“Oh, so you think you’re better than me?” I challenged her.

“I’m a droid, you don’t think I can’t follow rhythms and memorize a complex series of steps?”

Lia placed down her ice cream bowl and turned triumphantly towards Pixal. “Would you like to dance?”

“Of course!” Pixal smiled in my face as they moved back out towards the center of the room.

“Aw man! She slammed you!” Jay clung to my shoulder, jumping up and down.

They took the floor, moving in unison as the chorus kicked in.

I knew I was in for a ride as we

Swing to the sound

Our feet tap-tappin' and our heartbeats beatin' 

“Dude, you’re not recovering from this,” Jay shook his head, watching as they spun around each other to the beat of the music. 

“Yeah, Pix sure wasn’t bluffing.” 

They had some great synergy too. So concentrated on the moves they were making, anticipating what the other would do next. It had been a while since I’d seen Lia dance. I had forgotten how happy it made her. It breathed life into her in a way nothing else ever quite did. Like dancing was the one thing keeping her alive, like doing anything else would just be unnatural. The way her stray hairs would fly away in the air as she spun, the way her nose would scrunch up when she smiled. Those moments when she felt so in the rhythm that she'd just close her eyes. It was all wrapping in this warm familiar comfort that I had lost to the back of my mind to years now.

Spin 'round and 'round

We got lost in the rhythm, the lights, and the crowd

“You’re so good!” Lia’s excitement caught me out of my daze. Her arms were wrapped around Pixal, who was a bit unsure of what to do.

“You’re quite talented yourself.”

“See, that’s how you dance!” She broke away from Pix, pointing at me. “You just forget how to move your feet after all these years, or what?”

“I’ve kinda been focused on other things,” I rolled my eyes.

“That’s so cool! How did you do that?” Jay marveled at them both. “It looked so choreographed and everything!”

“It just takes practice,” Lia hit him in the shoulder. “It’s really not that hard. It’s first year stuff.”

“I could teach you the basics if you wanted,” Pixal chimed in.

“Hell yes! Let’s do it!” Jay swung around me, back to the middle of the floor, Pixal following him. I leaned back on the snack table watching them. She took his hands, carefully guiding him through some basic motions, both of their eyes glued to their feet. I could feel a smile spread across my face watching Jay fumble at Pixal’s simple instructions.

“Pix is a great dancer! I was actually really surprised.” Lia sat next to me, a half empty glass of water in her hands.

“You know, if I’m being honest, it was kinda weird seeing you dance with someone else,” I chuckled.

“Yeah,” She sighed, hanging her head a bit. “I guess it would be.” Her fingers fiddled with the rim of the glass. I could tell something was off. 

“What’s wrong with that?” I asked, trying to keep the tone light.

She looked up, her eyes distant. “Cole, I’ve been dancing without you for five years now.” She glanced over at me, gauging my reaction.

“Well…” I hesitated. “Yeah, that’s a good thing, right? I wasn’t supposed to be a dancer, staying would have just been a mistake. We both found our calling in life! That’s great!”

She looked at me with a blank stare. “...You don’t get it, do you?”

I looked at her a moment, trying to read what the answer was that she wanted. “Get… What? I mean, what happened, happened. Sure, it sucked to leave you behind, but no one got hurt. I’m back now, what’s the big problem?”

She looked at me for a moment, taking a deep breath. She placed her glass down on the table behind her, her eyes glazing over again as she looked at the floor.

She was thinking.

After a long moment, she closed her eyes, standing up. 

“I think I���m gonna head to bed.” She started towards the back hall as I stood up, trailing her.

“Lia, is everything okay?”

“Cole, please, I can’t do this right now.” She sighed as she continued moving.

“Amelia, talk to me, please. What’s wrong?” I pleaded with her.

I was cut off as she reached her room, shutting the door on me, leaving me a little disoriented on the other side.

“Everything okay back here?” Jay asked, peaking back into the hall.

I turned to look at him, still wondering what exactly had just happened. 

“I… don’t know.”

[charmed-asylum]

The Partners

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 6

Summary: Finn Cox had everything boy would ever dream of a hot cheerleader girlfriend, loved by everyone, and caption of his hockey team. So why is since Camille Dawson step into his life he starts to have second thoughts about everything

FYI: I can not believe we are finally hitting the climax of this love story. Finally coming back up to present where we left our lovesick Finn. Things are gonna go good to great HOLY SHIT back to dang it. WARNING: it's OVER 5K 

✨ The Partners: 1/  2/ 3/ 4/ 5  ✨ // Master List 

tagged:  @weapinggwillowss​ @nottherightseason​ @strangerfictions​  @thewolfswriting​ @ hauntors 

Finn waited outside The Mouse for her. His hands in his pocket old brown leather jacket zip up. The breeze sways his thick chestnut brown hair around with the smell of pine trees. He checks with Will she had nothing. So no excuses. With the past few days she was less like herself when they were together she didn’t speak much. Then there were the long moments in the bathroom. Silent moments.

She walked out around 2:50. Fifty minutes past her schedule. She didn’t realize he was there at first. Her hair was loose in front of her eye like the way it uses to be. Holding her brown apron with The Mouse logo, a little mouse and squirrel, wearing dark denim jeans and a vintage tour t-shirt. “ This is a plot twist" Camille said walking up to him. Finn smiled at her whit. “ Come on. Today I’m the driver. I check you are clear. Will out on business. My dad at work fine” Finn said taking her things. She rolls her eyes and taps him on the shoulder. “ I’m sure you are not gonna tell me what this is about for real or where we going” Camille says walking next to him to his car. She stops by the passenger door for a second. The breeze play with her hair. Finn got in and pop the door for her. “ I won’t bite come in” Finn said. Camille shocks her head and got in.

The music was playing loud booming “ Remember our third work meeting. We were still getting to know each other. I had practice and you came by. I couldn’t stop working so you got out on the ice" Finn started to say. “ For the first time” Camille added. “ Yes. On the ice with your two left feet. You kept falling but kept getting up again and again” Finn said looking at her. She turns towards him and smiles. He loved how determined she always is. “ Finn Cox you better not bring me with the Ice Box” Camille said seriously. He stops the car got out and open the door for her. A big sign that looks like it came out from disco 70s. He stood behind her and look off blindfolded. “ You said one day I’m gonna get you back. Now we gonna see. Each Friday they have good music skates and a lot of glow sticks” Finn said with a bright smile. One way into her heart was always glowing sticks. One of the many weird facts he learns during their time together.  As they walk inside kids everywhere parents following them with pop in one hand and shoes in another. Camille's eyes were bright but her body was still she just look around. Dazed.

“ My parents when they were alive they brought me here. a few times.  I completely forgot about this place” Camille said looking at a pinball machine. Eyes glitter with silver. Her phone started to ring. She glanced at it,” Take it 12 hours I don’t want it. I’m all yours".  Finn looks at it and turns it off. “ My mom used to take me here too. Hey, you think we might have been game buddies. I know all the cheats to all the games" Finn ask handing her rollerblades. “Probably" she said with a grin. They paint each other face with glow in the dark face paint and went out to the rink. She was right she was good. She glides and spins like a leaf flying gracefully in the air on a fall afternoon. Finn followed her around in around. Holding onto her hand he stops her. “ So gonna tell me what wrong” Finn asked. She turns to him and continues to skate. “ No. I’m fine. So story behind your mom bringing you here” she said still skating backward. Fin let go of her hand and went to hold onto the side for a break. Camille stops and skates back towards him. “ My parents had me late in life I was the oops baby. She would bring me here and we skate around play as long as I wanted. Me and her time. Then at the end of each time while we sip cherry temple in crazy straws she would ask me to talk and I would and go on and on and she listens. Kinda like what you do” Finn said.  Camille hops on the side and rubs his bicep gently. “ Can you get me two cherry temples demand the crazy straws and kept the change for the games? “ Camille asked a passing a kid hand over a 50. “ We got the drinks we got the glow sticks. Now tell me how your day” Camille said, Finn. He hated how good she was this it was her day and still she was made it all about him. She waited with a smile. Till he was ready.

They continue laughing as they toss the balls up. Camille laughs and holds her hand to her face. “ No no, I can top that. So in college freshman year. When people found out I was from Alaska which as you know I move here. So I am from somewhere else they always ask stupid questions. One was who are you? What are you? I would go what do you mean what am I.. I’m a girl. They are like no. What are you” she stops and got another 100 points this time not even looking. “What would you say” Finn ask into the story. Holding the ball in her hand she looks at him and said,” I say I am not what you think what your mind simply places me. I am more than meets the eye. More than face value. My father was part of the Alaskan Athabaskan till he ran away looking for better and in time he meets my mom. Gorgeous Puerto Rican. They always then ask did you live in an igloo” Camille said in a wonderful fake British accent. Finn drops the ball on the ground and look at her then started to laugh harder. “ We gotta go. We got somewhere we gotta be let’s go“ Finn said grabbing her hand. She stops and frowns. “ But I’m winning” she said. “ Come on you like it” he said pulling her away giving all their tickets to a little kid with pink tails.

They pulled up to airplane runway far back by the woods. Finn hops out with his hands in his pocket waiting for Camille. She looked around and then at him. Taking her he holds her tight. “ I got something but you gotta trust me” Finn said with his head on top of hers. She looked up to him and tickle him off. “ I think I’m balls deep my friend.I’m at the no turning back so what the hell blinds me again” Camille asks. She trusts him with no-fault headfirst he was the same way she could ask anything and he will do it with at a thought.

Finn had a hookup thanks to a parent. They fly high in the sky, dark glitter sparkle night the same as in her eyes or her smile. Camille smile and look out the window by Finn's side. “ When I was done you gave me a spot. Worst place in my life. You were there. I just wanted to show you a place we both can go to” Finn said looking out. Camille looked back at him then out at the stars. “ Where we going” Camille asked. His eyes glisten against the stars his heartbeat to the sounds of nature around him. “ You see somewhere magical"  Finn said hold Camille's hand.

She waited by the wooden lodge as Finn finished up with the pilot. The breeze hit her face softly with the wind blowing against her hair. “ All my time I never did this. Come on we got a few hours" Finn said running inside with the bags. Camille casually walks in behind him. “ You going to tell me how you got this. I wanna pitch in” Camille said going through her wallet. He stops by the front desk and took her wallet from her wiggling it in his hand before pocketing it. She sighed and continued to walk beside him. “ Will pay for it alright" Finn said ringing the bell. Camille sat against the wooden desk and face the lobby. Finn rang it once more. No one. She pulled at her sweater and walk around by the fireplace.

He wanted it to perfect but he didn’t account the fact it wasn’t gonna be clear. She tried to make him laugh to feel better. There he was supposed to be and again it was her at the end trying to make him feel better. She talked him into checking out the game room down in the basement as an adventure. They spent hours talking, Finn talking more Camille of course listening. Watching TV even getting a glimpse of the light show that dances across the sky. He wasn’t the boy he was before and she wasn’t the girl, they were more. Still, they didn’t know yet but they were different.

After some sweet talking Camille was able to sweet-talk her way back for her phone. He wanted to tell her that night he wanted to kiss her delicious sweet angelic lips as they watch the sky. Holding her small waist sweet smell of heaven and ice cream swinging her back and forth as the old music from the record player play. He wanted all of that but there was one thing she wasn’t his.

Finn knew he had to deal with it. That feeling he had probably always had. He had her every day of every week for at least two months. The time he enjoyed every bit of it.

Camille song of the day was a one-hit-wonder from the 80s. She even got him into it this time. Singing off-key with her. “ I can’t believe it. After all these years you talk me into coming with you here” Camille said pulling into the parking lot. Finn was thrilled now finally first time in ever he had complete control in something he knew hockey. Picking up his backpack and bag of supplies he walks beside her into the rink goofing around.

“ The kids gonna flip. They think we are dating. You know. Our little new boy talks you up. Rest well went off with their little brains" Finn said taking out the equipment. She sat on the wall and watch him. “Don’t we all when we so young. So what on the plan today coach" Camille said kicking her feet as she watched. He stops and looks back giving her a huge smile. “ No I’m gonna have a bit of fun. Come on help before they show up” Finn said tossing a rag at her.

They came running like they were all going through a sugar rush. Finn was the big prize they all wanted to win. Camille giggles at this till the kids realize she was there and attack her on the ice. He laughed so hard that a bit came out. “ So Miss. Dawson gonna help us out a bit today. And maybe if you good enough and ask a whole bunch of times she come back” Finn announced in front of the kids. Each of them cheers and pulled at her shirt. I’m gonna get you back so hard Camille mouth to him as she smiles at the kids.

It was nothing but an unusual game of hockey boys with Camille and girls with Finn. Shockingly Camille and her team weren’t so bad. In the end, they all enjoyed themselves. Being silly with the kids. Bit eat my ice chips bickering from one another when the kids were not looking. A few slips and falls thanks to the one and only Camille. 

Camille stops midway tickling Sarah when her phone started going off for the fifth time. She glanced at it and turn it off once more. “Everything okay. It might be Will or something" Finn said picking up Timmy into the air. Putting her phone back in her pocket she nods her head no.

Each kid begs Camille to come back when she quickly agreed. “ So I guess I got some competition now huh” Finn said cleaning up. Tossing some rags at him she puts up her hands like a boxer. “ I think I’m ready for you Finno. Those kids shall be mine haha” Camille says playfully. Finn puts his hands up too and pretends to be alone with her. “ No Cam cam they shall be mine. Forever moo haha” Finn said with an evil smile. She giggled and went into a player ready pose, hand out ready for combat.

“ I have to say, sir. Cox. I never thought I would see you be so good with kids. They love you” Camille said driving down the highway. “You didn’t know. I’m fooling them all with my charm for their money and youth” Finn said looking at her. “ Well I’m impressed dear Finno" Camille said. Her phone starts to ring again. “ You doing anything today. We can chill and watch some movies or something “ Finn asked. Camille just kept glancing at the phone not paying much attention. “Yeah why not “ Camille finally said. He clapped his hands with excitement.

                               ________________________

He waited patiently for her arrival. A half-hour she said an hour ago. Everything was ready the movies, sparkling juice, music playing, and the blankets. “ What are you doing having it look like an old 90s boy band music video in here” Dad says as he reads the Sunday paper.

“ Nothing. Me and Cam we are huh chilling today. Movie night” Finn said walking into the kitchen. Dad picked up from his paper. “ Oh. Well, she might be a minute she was outside when I arrived. Upset” Dad said taking a sip of his coffee. Finn rushes past him to the window. Camille, of course, was sitting on the curve hunched over. “I wonder what happened" Finn said peaking out the window. Dad finished with his coffee and the newspaper look out over Finn's shoulder. “ Son if you are to be a gentleman then go out there if not best you stay away. She needs that now” Dad said then left for work. “ You say that like she is your daughter and I’m the random boy" Finn shout out to him. “ Sometimes I feel she is. Remember GENTLEMEN“ Dad said. Peaking back out he saw dad waving bye to Camille.

She sat there silently looking out. Stiff as aboard. No emotions just the dry tears and fluffy rosy cheeks. He never saw her like this. She was always alright no emotions people first. Now she is defenseless variable. Whoever did this Finn wanted to kick them a new one. She looks back at him then back at the ground.

“ I was-" Camille started to say. “ No look. I’m just gonna sit next to you. We don’t have to speak just know I’m what you need Cam” he said sitting beside her. She nodded a bit and look back down. He took her hands and mouth it be okay. Camille holds him tight around his arms and started to cry. Her cry sound like a sad melody playing on a beautiful string orchestra. It broke his heart to hear that.  However, he knew he couldn’t he had to be strong be a gentleman. That right now was to simply sit on the curve in his sweats holding tight and never letting go.

She got up out of nowhere and walk in as if what occurred never happened. “You mind if I borrow a shirt or something I never made it home” Camille said putting the popcorn in a huge red and white ball. It was stunning. If a person never saw her minutes before you would never know. “ Yeah” Finn said leading against the countertops. She insisted they watch his favorites the ones she would usually say no to. They lay close to one another his left arm around the back of the couch, her position in her spot right on his chest with his other hand as a cover for all the scary parts. He kept looking down at her amazed and after a few hours, she fell asleep. He watches her wonder what she dreamed about. Was he anyway in it? Like in his dreams. Even after he got up he watches her peaceful with her phone in his hands. 

The talk was not long. All he could remember was red. Only on the phone with him for five minutes and he already hated him. His I’m from New England or some better than you shit. Prick even had a girl there when he called. A few words till everything went blank and see you there dick. “Such a freakin dick shit” Finn said.

“ You can say that again” Camille said standing behind him. She stood there with sleepy eyes and an old quilt over her shoulders. “ I thought you were sleeping. Just how much you heard ” Finn said worriedly. She smiled and gradually sat down against the wall. “ I woke up. And you were gone. Not much the ending” Camille said looking up to him with her innocent Bambi eyes. Finn was stunned by how she ended up with an 80s cliche dick head. So many questions and statements rush his brain. “ Two questions and a statement “ Camille stated nonchalantly. Shaking his head no,” No ten” . “Five questions and a statement” Camille said pulling at the blanket.

He sat down across from her legs spread out. “ Was he a dick? Why you start to date him? Is he always a dick? Why did you think you deserve that him? Such a fucking dick! Did he make you upset?" Finn blurted out.

“ James wasn’t that bad. Just. He not much an ass as he is just entitled. When we first met he thought I was fish bait till I had a gathering at Will Manhattan penthouse. Then he kept and kept asking till I said yes. I was different from him. It was for 2 years. Years invested. I was everything Finn perfect girlfriend friend perfect everything. His family loves me more than him. So did his friends. You know. I always went to anything and did everything. Just one thing I just wanted one thing. All I wanted was for him to visit. Always with the excuses. Just come see meet Will Eddie you. 2 years I invested into him and only him. I got sick of it so I called it off. He begged and begged. Probably because of Will and Tina never end connections to all things money. That was the reason he kept asking. Like today still, I asked and he gave me no answer. I couldn’t do it anymore. Love should not ever be that hard” Camille said softly. Finn sigh. He kept popping up ways to beat the shit out of this dick.

Finn sat still waiting for Camille to change. “ You mind if tonight we... If I just lay beside you. Hold you a bit. I don’t want to be alone right now” Camille asked hastily. He nods surprise but this request. They lay beside each other with Camille arm wrap around him. He was in heaven when she was at her lowest. All he wanted to do was suck up all the pain anger sadness from her. Kiss her thin lips that she always nibble on and tell her it to be okay. For now, he held her tight and not let go. Shield her from everything.

Dad woke him up eyes wide open mouth to the floor. “ Don’t worry. We did nothing “ he whispered to him. She was fast asleep. He turned to her watch as she sleeps like a baby angel. Moving her hair out her face. His hand rested against his head other holding hers. Without hesitation he reaches in he did it he kissed her gently on edges of her lips.

Slowly opened her eyes she smiled and said,” Good morning". He reached in and kiss her again this time holding her closer. She holds him tight and kisses back. Taste of sweet honey bit of spice and intoxicating. They lay there holding onto each other their mouths moving with one another. His hands split between giving all his attention to her plum ass and cover beast. Her smooth small hands claw onto his back to bring him in deeper. After what felt like hours Camille finally pulled out smiling and giggling like a schoolgirl. “Has anyone ever tell you you are an excellent kisser? “ Finn said holding her hand. She glances his big hands wrap in her petite ones. "Yes" Camille says with confidence. She played with his hair a bit and nibble down on her lip. While he just stares into her eyes in full bliss.

She turned him over and sat up in bed. Rubbing her back he started kissing her again. “ Can't we stay in bed. Keep each other warm” Finn asked. Getting up she kisses his hand softly“ Why can't we just sit. Chill. We don’t know what this is. Or isn’t.” Camille said looking over her shoulder to him. He said nothing. She was right. Even if he didn’t want to hear it she was right.

“ Cam. I’m so happy. Don’t you and I deserve that? Be happy for once Figure it out later” Finn said still rubbing her back. She holds his hand a bit tight. Soft-touch that made him more smitten by her.

“ We do deserve that” she said playing with his fingers. Finn lay on her thighs and play with her fingers till they intertwined. “ Yes. We both do” Finn finally said. He kissed her hand gently and look at her. Taste of cherry blossom jasmine from her body lotion. Her eyes finally meet his. Soulful eyes. The sparkle shimmer. He was forever lost in her eyes her smile. Part of him wonders if it was something or simply reflect. " This summer has been everything I ever wanted. I mean my kids' thing is doing well. I'm gonna be done with my classes soon then I will be able to be back on track. Away from this small town. Before I got hurt. When life was perfect" he says staring at her. Still. She was frozen still. Then slowly she looks at their hands locked together. "Your welcome I guess. I didn’t do much. Finn. Small town....before like what before" she said still looking down at their hands.

He looks at her. Confused. " Don't look at me like that. This town a bloodsucker. Before I got hurt I was on track. Before I was hurt. My life was perfect" he says. She looks at him then back away. 

Plopping side her watch her soulful eyes racing back and forth. Her mouth was a little open. Getting closer he takes his free hand and touches her checks. Then he slowly goes to kiss her. All of a sudden she lets go and starts to get up. Looking back at the now lonely hand she peaks at him then back down. " Don't you feel. Things happen for a reason, Finn. You getting hurt. Being here" she says still looking at his hand. 

Grinning at her he slowly continues her shoulders rubbing them. " Don’t know. Cam Why do you care. We can finally be together. Don't you" he starts to say. She gradually grabs his hand off her. Soft. Turn fully towards him. " You don't mean that. You and your dad are better. You can finally think about what you want. If you never got hurt. We would have never got to see each other. You would of live your life without me" she says breathlessly. Her face was priceless. Shock. Stun. Confused.

Looking at her, " We would still see each other. You would have said sorry about my mom and I would forgive you. Or I- ". She pushes away from him and gets up. " Thought you change but I was stupid. Stupid and foolish. I should have never done this. Never help your dad. Gave air to you. Your the same. How would we ever see each other? Finn. We went years without talking. I have to go before I say something. I won’t be able to take back” she says grabbing her things and throws her shoes on. Was she leaving?  Getting up he grabs her by the arm. Looking at her. She looks away and starts to go.

“Truth is you never ask. Just did. Finn, you were able to go back to life or at less fake it. Me it took five years to fake that night the kiss that year never change me as much as you. You will never understand what you took from me. What you did. Shut I even left and tried everything to fill it. THAT VOILD  Date a guy that thinking about it now kinda looks just like you. Always stay in touch with your family. Being here isn’t the mistake of your perfect life. NO!  it’s you. Act as nothing happens. God, I wish it was that easy and you almost had me believe it. That it can be. Your five years and a kiss late to tell me. You miss me” she continued to her car. She stops look back at him tears starting to come down her cheeks “I wish it was easy to hate you but I know that deep down I couldn't ever love someone as I did with you like I still do. And it's unfair not only to us but to everyone else. I can't ever move on because you ruin it for them too” She said grabbing her keys out her purse leaving her wallet on the ground. He starts to run down the road after her but stops three blocks down.  SHIT

Walking back to the house he stops and picks up her wallet. Mad at her being foolish stupid and selfish. He grabs the first bottle of alcohol from the kitchen. Slam the door to his room he starts drinking and playing loud music. Kicking and screaming her names as loud as he can. He threw the bottle against the wall. As he picks up the broken pieces he grabs her wallet from the ground. Slouch over with her wallet in his hands. He opens it. Debit card, some black credit cards, a few business cards, school id, driver license, and whop money. Stopping mid count. He saw the picture that was taken their last day in the photo booth. It was worn out. He was as numb as a rock. Looking down at this simple happy time. Knowing what happens after that last frame. But even worse the next day. Grabbing out his old leather wallet behind the money, phone numbers and condoms was the same photo. Numb. Of emotions.

I was wrong. I was wrong and now I think I might mess up for the last time. I thought my life end when I got hurt. But it has been all along. The day I left her behind. Pussy out of everything. Sitting there realizing what I did. What I had to do.

I look back out at the house. My heartbeat goes faster and faster with each minute. I should have told her been truthful with her. Fix it before it’s too late. Breathe.

The run to Camille's front door felt like walking in quicksand. I bagged on the door as hard as I could, calling for her. Nothing. So I walked over to where her room use to be. Trying to look in. Nothing. I called and called for her. It can’t end like this.

“ You need to stop” Will said standing behind me.

“ I need her. Come on Will get her for me please” I begged him. He was upset which means Camille probably said a little bit and ran to her room.

I ran over to the back hopping over the fence to see if she was by the treehouse. NOPE. I knock and knock hoping she answers before Will catch up.

“ Just stop. Don’t you even understand what all this been like for her? What mess you left behind. Finn, I love you like a son I am never going to have just don’t come back” Will said holding his cellphone.

I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to stay until she forgives me. But the words he said left behind. It stuck to me. Echo in my head though my blood. I didn’t realize that. Till now.

“ Just huh tell her. I love her. Tell her I need her. Please “ I beg to him. He looked at me and I knew. He wasn’t gonna tell her. I couldn’t be mad because if my daughter was in there cry and some jackass said what I said I probably do the same and kick his ass for thinking so. “ Just go. Finn. Maybe. Just go” Will said then walk back inside. I watch as he walks back inside. I swear from the corner of my eye I saw her peaking from her window.

Each day for the rest of the summer I sat in my car waiting for her. Waiting. Hoping she would see me. Instead, she simply left. My dad finally after hours of begging told me she spent the rest of her summer with her aunt. How can I mess with her so much that she goes with her aunt? The one that handed Will full custody of her when they got divorce with no fight. Camille never came back to Alaska. The house she lived in was sold and given to another family. Will would visit but he wouldn't say a single word to me. I couldn't get mad at him, how can I. He spoke to my dad. But never to me.

She didn't put much on her social media page, probably because she knew I will be looking. I even though I have not seen her I pray for her each night to this day. I think of her when I'm brushing my teeth when I'm with my dad the kids. At first, I wonder if she thought the same.

Probably not. Still, I do. No matter what. Memorize her  Punishing myself with our picture I keep on myself all the time.