#every day i fuckign suffer

[the-fat-raccoon]

🌌 astro-gnomey Follow

Some of you don't want to hear it but at some point we're going to HAVE to acknowledge the effects of storm sorcerers (and keiromancy as a whole) on the environment. The wizard council has been pushing for regulations on these practices for years due to its large ecological effect on the realm, and yet it still stays unregulated because of misinformed petitioners who insist on preserve this harmful practice.

x x x

🌬 420haz3it Follow

hey ops ex here. they literally went through my family's tome of spells and destroyed every page that contained keiromancy. spells that were in my family since the Wizardry Renaissance, that saved towns from floods and droughts alike, are now lost to time and space

also as people in the notes pointed out all of those links are blatant misinformation that ignores what storm sorcerers have done to protect not only their local communities but the environment as a whole for centuries, and the people who spread this information are the exact same people who advocated to repeal the wishing star protection act.

hating keiromancy has always been a distraction so astrological mages can push for more unsafe practices in their own field. don't let them lie about their intent, and don't let the wizard council rush the process to earn an astromage liscense.

🪄 tradmage12 Follow

Being from a family of storm sorcerers puts a direct line from you to the Great Calamity that wiped out our magic for a millenia. You deserve to lose that tome and every last spark of magic in you.

🌬 420haz3it Follow

what

🌬 420haz3it Follow

theres no way youre serious. you dont actually believe that.

🪄 tradmage12 Follow

We all know it, the Great Calamity would have never happened if the sorcerer faction had listened to the wizard councils orders and steered clear of dragon hunting. But they didn't listen, and everyone suffered because of it. Don't act like there's no reason to not trust your kind with their own practices. You just can't help yourselves.

🌌 astro-gnomey Follow

I leave for the Berry Harvest and come back to this mess, really funny how you'll mention me taking action against your family's evil dark spells but don't mention that you only dated me for your weird gnomeplay fantasies. Also pay attention to the language used, very Anti Mage rhetoric being spread. What else would you expect of a storm sorcerer, of course they want to keep their powers, I'm going to shut off reblogs if people in the notes cant see how they're being manipulated by keiromancers. Quit trying to be 'progressive' when you just want to keep ruining the course of nature and keep down the mage class.

🌬 420haz3it Follow

get me off this fucking lichsite. there is no 'anti mage rhetoric', that's not a fucking thing. mages aren't some repressed class no matter how much you want to pretend that, they haven't had to deal with magical restrictions since before the great calamity even happened, meanwhile sorcerers to this day are still fighting to be seen as magical equals.

and while im at it 'keiromancers' is a made up term to put all weather magic users under one umbrella, as if forms of keiromancy arent so diverse amongst the realms that you cant even begin to compare them. it is not the same as saying necromancers. dont even start that bs.

also, gnomeplay is perfectly normal and acceptable between consenting partners, which we were, so idek why you bring that up. if i as a half elf want to have gnome partners theres literally no issue with that, youre mad because gneillielle has a more bountiful gourd harvest and far more whimsical tunes than you ever brought to our relationship.

storm sorcerers have done nothing wrong, you're the problem.

perhaps some shadow work could unlodge the staff youve got stuck up your cap and you could see the filthy fuckign system youre supporting as an astromage, im sick and tired of this.

🎱 claire-vances-fourth-eye Follow

op starts posting untagged wizard council x reader failed abjuration content in a year btw

5,482 notes

[oldirontender]

i have a literal addiction to staring at images of henry on the ttte wiki so im making this post as a compilation of all my favorite henry faces. bc his face means so so so much to me.

first ones first. a lovely guy. love his lips in these illustrations. i usually cant stand defined lips on the engines but the earlier railway series artists just GOT it yknow. anyway i rate this face a 7/10

oh ho HO!!!! a lovely man indeed. i love how hes illustrated by Dalby so so much. like LOOK AT THIS GUY!!!!! i rate this face 8/10

AHHH!!!!! WAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!! the start of his :>. the :> is my life force and its the thing that keeps me going every day. i love his :> so so so so SO much. any face with the :> gets at least a 9.5/10. which is this ones rating.

O _ O

i like this one. 7.5/10

HE. HEHEHEHE. HEH HEHEHEHH .. ..... :> *kicks my feet in delight* ... .... ...10/10

HE SUFFERS DREADFULLY AND NOBODY CARES. 8/10. he looks like hes in desperate need of ibuprofen. love him for that.

HE. HE HE. HE HA HO. WE. WEEEE...... WE HA HO. HE HEA HAH A. 9/10

>:((((((((    >:((( HES SO PISSED BHGAHHADHAHARBRBH. 8/10. also this artist is my favorite of the railway series. i love you john t kenny. i love you so much.

>:[ stupid fuckign BITHC!!!! STUPID!!!! GRAAHH!!!!! 8/10

THIS ONES SO GOOD IDK WHY I JUST REALL Y LOVE HIM SO MUCH. 10/10 i wish his face wasnt in the snow so i could make it my icon on discord.

HE SUFFERS. SO MUCH. HES ALWAYS SUFFERING. THE ILLNESS IS RAMPENT.  9/10

ok moving on to the model series. sorry i dont really enjoy how the other railway artists draw henry as much as these 2 artists

ho. ho he ha. he ha ho. oh oh ohoh oh oho hehehehehehehehehehehhehe. he is SO pissed. SO angry. angry but in a LOVELY way. he serves so much cunt. 9/10 i love when they use this face.

HES SO. GRRGHRGRRHRHRGRHRGHRHGRHRG *bangs my head against my wall* 9/10.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. 15/10. this is the one this is my favoirtie i just rbhrbnfbhndnfr *MELTS INTO A PUUDDLE ONTHE FLOORE.* :> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

this one is also so so so sos SO good. i mean its WONDERFUL. i wanna pet him like a gerbil. feed him some seeds and watch him run around on a little wheel in his cage. 10/10. makes me smile. makes me :)

BANGS MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL. 12/10 IM LOSING MY MIND. PUNCHES MY PILLOW AND CRIES VIOLENTLY. UGH. WOIOAAHHHHGHHGHJH.

reminder that he suffers. 9/10. he is on the verge of tears. *mr krabs voice* we should put him down

<:O. i like his lips on this face a lot. he looks a little gay. 9/10

9/10. henry ur shupposhed to deliver fish not shwim with them

and finally

reminder that he suffers. DREADFULLY. 9/10

[nightmareentertainment]

ken's whole story is built in [insecurity and loneliness] that funnels into [anger] which turns into [GRIEF guilt and even more anger] which makes him the prime suspect to be used but also makes him , like , fundamentally mentally weak , leads him down an even LONELIER path, leads him towards cruelty , and the turning point in his story is actually like. he describes it, verbally, as realizing in his moment of healing that his parents loved him. like going through life feeling completely abandoned by a better-than-you brother who was also suffering under their parents' negligence towards their kids' emotional stability, feeling abandoned by your parents, and then that brother dies and you are still left standing in his shadow, its just even bigger now, its full of grief, and youre full of grief, and you dont know what to do other than to just stare empty-eyed at his closed casket

and all you thought before was i hate you, i want you to dissapear and now you want to take it all back, because did i do this? did i wish this into existence? this isnt what i wanted. this isnt what i meant.i was nine years old and angry and sad and alone but i never wanted you to dissapear. not for real.and now your room is just your room, and you get an email, and someone wants to help you :-). except no he fuckign doesnt he just gives you a place to relinquish all that anger, and it builds, and youre still alone but youre convincing yourself now you have control over that. you step into your brothers shoes. youre better than him now. youre finally how tall he was when he died. your parents seem so happy to have their boy back. they dont realize they never got him; they just lost the kid they had left. you are a husk made from guilt and grief and you fill it with anger until its exploding from every part of you. you no longer know who you are, but the news decides youre ken ichijouji, boy genius and soccer star! so you go with that. eventually you find your way to your escape. a new world. and you get to decide who you are in this game; you get to pick your destiny, you get all the control. theres no consequences for not smiling at the camera, here. and youre alone, and the world is weak, and theres something itching in your mind; something telling you what to build and how to build it, and you never know your control isnt actually your own. you never get to know. you play the game how you want to. its your world. its not your parents, its not your brothers, its yours, this is yours and you are going to fucking rule it!!!!!

ken is very much like , hurt-people-hurt-people but the thing is that, in the real world hes trying very very hard to be NORMAL and NICE and GOOD even while hes bubbling with rage and hatred and wants to be left alone, he smiles for all the cameras everyone is putting in his face, taking his anger out in secret and only when nobody is watching, because hes aware of consequences but in the digital world there is no consequences. its a game, after all! then there's other players and at first it's kinda fun, having an enemy in your game, but then theyre not playing fair, then theyre in your way, its getting annoying, and its not fun anymore. and the worse you feel online, the worse you feel offline, and hes pissed, and everyone wants everything from him, and one day he throws it all down and decides fuck this and ken ichijouji runs away. the ichijouji family loses their second and final son. (this is their turning point, too. they realize maybe osamu was never happy, before he died. maybe they pushed ken into the same box. they bury their faces in their hands and just pray they havent completely lost their chance to try)

ken- the kaiser- is having a really Really Bad Fucking Time. hes not even having fun anymore he just wants to be in control of something, he wants the chance to be a winner, and theres other players and theyre in the way. and then. well, shit. and then they win. Doesn't that suck? It’s the first time you’ve failed at something in years. i like him. i like the digimon kaiser. thats just a little kid hes up playing games in this bitch. its shown he actually really, really loved and admired his brother, and i feel like this and his persona as the kaiser are involved. he literally resembles so much of his brother even in his persona as someone who rules the world isnt it crazy how you resemble your prodigy brother no matter where you go or what you do because without him there youre the only one who could possibly fill the space. ken is nobody, but everyone loved osamu. why not be osamu? even if you dont realize it!!!

thats all a big part in why he claims he doesnt know himself after it all goes down this kid has no clue who he is. only wormmon does. quite literally only wormmon knows who he is. who he was before it all went to shit. who he was while it happened. only wormmon was ever there for him. and he treated wormmon like shit, for so long. how do you ever forgive yourself for that? wormmon tells him he's kind. he really is. under all that anger and guilt and never ending sadness, hes kind and hes just lonely. and so ken turns his life around. IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOBODYGETS IT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS HIM LIKEI DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE HAS NEVER KNOWN ANYTHING BUT THE FACT THAT HE WILL ALWAYS EXIST IN HIS BROTHERS SHADOW SO HE GROWS INTO HIS BROTHERS SHADOW AND ITS ONLY WHEN HES TORN DOWN TO NOTHING, INTO A GUILT-SOAKED MESS , DOES HE STEP OUT OF IT. KINDNESS IS THE ONLY WAY OUT. HE SPENDS HIS TIME TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT HE DID AND HE ONLY HEALS ONCE HE REALIZES HIS PARENTS AND WORMMON LOVE HIM, ONCE HE HAS FRIENDS ALWAYS READY TO BE THERE, ONCE HE LEARNS TO, AT THE VERY END, BE KIND TO HIMSELF TOO, AND FACE OSAMU AND FORGIVE HIMSELF

[blookmallow]

hey who wants some fuckign. fallout oc lore

nobody, probably. is that going to stop me. absolutely not. here's everything you never needed to know about my new vegas courier (my first one/my main file, also my first time playing a fallout in the first place)

ive probably posted some of this somewhere before but heres the exhaustive info dump version. also heres some random picrews/dolls of her, the first one is the best one. her hair is supposed to be vaguely purple tinted but picrews never have that exact shade

Bonnie Sterling - The Courier. Lone Ranger of the Mojave wasteland

Nicknames: "Bon" on occasion. i want her to have a really cool nickname as a ghoul later in life but i cannot figure one out.

--

current plot status: Completed main storyline and every questline I could find. I went with independent vegas as my endgame but I don't think bonnie would've kicked the NCR out completely so I'm going with, she probably figured a way to negotiate a truce or something. mostly im just not thinking too hard about it since new vegas just sticks you in endgame limbo forever anyway since the game Ends when you do the final quest. Completed Dead Money and Old World Blues (but there might still be some bits left around that i didnt finish).

--

Faction Info:

NCR: Idolized. Works closely with them most of the time, but doesn't agree with everything they do.

The Kings: Idolized. Only faction she has explicitly joined. Has a close, unspecified relationship with the King. Regrets getting the NCR involved with them, but couldn't find a better solution without more bloodshed.

Caesar's Legion: Vilified. Kills legionnaires on sight. Hopes to one day take out every last one of them.

Brotherhood of Steel: Neutral. Stays out of their way, stays out of their business. Has helped them out a few times, though. (I'll be honest I cannot figure out what the hell the brotherhood is doing or stands for or anything in new vegas so i just left that one alone)

Great Khans: Mostly neutral. Doesn't really like them, per se, but is able to maintain civility with them, and convinced them not to side with Caesar.

mostly if you support the legion, you're her enemy. otherwise, it pretty much boils down to "can you be reasonably negotiated with? then we're okay"

--

Family: Mother, Cathy Sterling (deceased; suicide.) Father, Russell "Rusty" Sterling (deceased; combination of illnesses over time. Bonnie thinks the radiation caught up with him in the end.)

Partner/s: Ex-wife, Jolene (Unofficially divorced. Status and location unknown.) Undefined ongoing Something with the King, but immediately deflects any questions asked about it. Unlikely to ever really get serious, though the King often claims he'll get her to marry him one day. he's probably joking, but then, maybe he's not. (no basis in canon for this but ive decided it. try and stop me)

Found Family: Ed-E (best friend forever. she takes it everywhere and is extremely protective of it). Arcade (practically a brother), Raul (close friend, reminds her of her grandfather. he's the only one she has left in her future ghoul days.) Doc Marten (like an uncle to her. she visits him often and is still grateful to him for saving her life.)

--

Notable Injuries: Gunshot wound to the head (Benny in the Goodsprings cemetery. scar, some neurological damage). Machete lacerations on her arm and neck (Benny in the deathmatch at Caesar's camp. Scars.) Frequent ongoing radiation poisoning and early stages of ghoulification. Lung damage due to smoking, wasteland life, and exposure to the red mist post-Sierra Madre. Suffers from PTSD from the Sierra Madre. Acquires a cybernetic heart and spine at Big MT. (I have not yet played the other DLCs so I don't know what ELSE is going to happen, )

--

Favorite Items: pool balls (i obsessively steal these every time i see one. i have so many), dinosaur toys, cigarettes, whiskey, mentats, sunset sarsaparilla. Will use any weapon she can get her hands on, but likes a good old fashioned pistol best.

--

Future: Never has children. Becomes a ghoul eventually, too stubborn to die and increasingly reckless with radiation over time - part mojave legend, part cryptid.

-----------------------------

Has some memory loss from the gunshot injury; probably has a few screws loose in general. Her hands shake sometimes and she gets frequent headaches. Often doesn't sleep for several days at a time.

chainsmoker. drinks a lot but can handle her liquor. has a bit of a mentats habit that only got worse after the brain injury. she isn't blatantly reckless, at least most of the time, but just doesn't care very much about her health. once you've survived getting shot in the head nothing really seems like that big of a risk anymore.

general attitude of Anything Goes - whatever happens will happen. whatever situations she finds herself in, she'll find herself out of, one way or another. or not, for that matter. she figures she won't be all that concerned about it if she's dead, anyway.

from oklahoma originally - you can definitely hear it in her accent

good at tinkering and figuring things out, but never had any kind of actual education or training - learned a lot from her father, though. she's taken to reading pre-war books about anything and everything when she comes across them. learned some combat training from her dealings in the NCR, and some functional medical knowledge from doc marten.

A drifter who just sort of wanders around looking for oddities, mysteries, people she can help, things to keep busy with. vaguely wants to find the men who wanted her dead - not really for revenge. just to know why. but ultimately she's just trying to live whatever kind of life she has left, and help whoever she can

has a very uncanny ability to solve problems by just asking nicely. she isn't particularly witty or charming - just really unsettlingly calm. something about her catches people off guard. she doesn't really fear anyone or anything, but knows when she's outnumbered or outmatched, and has no problem walking away. "pride's damn easy to swallow when y'keep it in a small enough pill."

isn't really on anyone's Side, but will do what she can to resolve conflict - she doesn't much care about who started it or why or who's right or who's wrong. she just thinks the world would be a little nicer if everyone stopped shooting at each other so much. she doesn't really hold grudges well, and nobody's too crazy for her to stop and listen to.

she does, however, occasionally find reasons to care. after she saw what the legion did to nipton, she's firmly against them, but also isn't interested in running after them with guns blazing. if she had an opportunity to help bring them down, though, she would. [HOWEVER: After the Sierra Madre, something broke in her. after surviving that, and having seen the NCR do nothing enough times, her long-suffering patience finally ran out. she took matters into her own hands, and with a stealth boy and a damn good gun, she broke into the legion camp and assassinated caesar herself, alone. one day she intends to go back to take out the rest of them.] ((yes i did do this. i don't know how i got out of there alive. i was really surprised by how little actually changed by doing this but i do still want to go back and try to kill the rest of them. fuck you legion))

can be very detached and cold hearted if pushed far enough. if she needs to kill you, she will.

can't stand the silence of the wilderness, so she listens to the radio near constantly. developing a complicated love-hate relationship with mr. new vegas, her oftentime only companion out in the desert. often listens to the black mountain station as well, following the drama and raving like her own personal soap opera (post tabitha plotline she misses it a lot. doesn't feel good about killing her)

hates underground/enclosed spaces and becomes mildly panicked if she feels trapped. hates vaults but knows there's often useful/interesting things in them, so she ends up exploring them anyway

has a habit of picking up odds and ends she finds around the wasteland and has filled her Novac apartment and half the lucky 38 with junk she swears could be useful one day, somehow. started collecting pool balls and has now practically developed a compulsion around them. seems to end up with another dinosaur every time she stops by the novac gift shop

frequently just jumps off railings/small cliffs because stairs take too long. this absolutely drives arcade up the wall and he hates trying to keep up with her. self preservation instinct sometimes just Doesn't

played guitar years ago. doesn't think she'd remember anymore, but some part of her hopes to find one someday to see if it's still in her somewhere. [post-sierra madre: she did find one, and against all odds managed to get it home. she didn't touch it for months, recovering from the trauma, but has started toying with it a little. she's not as good as she once was, but it's starting to come back.]

fiercely protective of ed-e, and never goes anywhere without it. (in my mind ed-e comes too even if she has other companions, game limitations be damned) doesn't really trust most people to travel with her for long. spends the most time with arcade and raul otherwise. (has traveled with veronica and cass briefly, but doesn't know either of them all that well, and doesn't really trust the brotherhood enough to let veronica very close. i havent really spent enough time with lily to decide what their dynamic is. i love her though)

brought a sarsaparilla star badge for primm slim. he loves it

also gives stars to all her companions and insists they wear them. refuses any explanation as to why. may in fact just be messing with them. she taped one on to ed-e as well.

as much as she loves arcade, kicked him out of the lucky 38 for stealing her rare nuka colas (this is canon. he did this to me.) raul is the only one who lives there. she doesn't really like sharing a living space, but the lucky 38 has plenty of room, and she trusts raul more than anyone else (and over time he becomes her oldest friend, given her eventual ghoul lifespan)

often sits and talks with no-bark. doesn't understand most of what he says, but she likes to listen anyway

stops to visit rotface every time she's in town. i wish i could be his friend i love him

sometimes goes to visit victor (or what's left of him) in goodsprings, even though for all she can tell, he's dead. treats his deactivated shell like a grave. doesn't understand what happened to him and can't figure out how to fix him.

--

was badly traumatized at Caesar's camp. seeing how many of them there were, talking to the slave women and seeing the pain and emptiness in their faces, hearing the cold laughter of the legionnaires and feeling their eyes on her did something to her. she felt scared for the first time in years. she was given her revenge, and it felt awful. after everything benny did to her, she felt nothing but disgusted with herself when he lay dead at her feet.

(note: I had intended to spare him here, but then discovered there was practically no way to get him out alive, and nothing actually happens from what ive read if you somehow do get him to survive. so like...... he's Supposed to die here. i decided the next most in character decision i could make was to at least make it a fair fight. i think that turned out to be more narratively interesting anyway) (i cant explain my feelings for benny. i don't know why i didn't want revenge. i don't know why i felt so empty after he was dead)

has deep scars across her neck and her arm from the machete duel. She still uses Benny's lighter, and refuses to talk about it.

she also suffered severe trauma in the Sierra Madre incident. she was fully delirious when she came back to the mojave, and managed to stumble her way to camp forlorn hope before she collapsed and remained unconscious for several days. the NCR medics weren't super she would make it. she finally awoke in a blind incomprehensible panic. after some time, she calmed down to a numb, raw emptiness, and still refused any explanation for where she had been or what had happened to her - just insisting to the point of desperation that she had to get home. She never talks about the Sierra Madre. Not to anyone. She has lasting lung damage from the effects of the Cloud to this day.

Wanders the wastes looking for Dog from time to time, but never saw him again. She has PTSD around beeping noises, and cannot stand feeling anything against her neck. Has fully torn collars off of her shirts just to relieve this anxiety before.

--

backstory

Only child. her mother cathy was a strange, melancholy woman who never smiled and was always ill, likely radiation sickness. she was mentally ill, as well, and spent most of her time staring off into space with blank, empty eyes. bonnie's father claimed she wasn't always like that, but never said a word about what had happened to her. Cathy committed suicide via taking as many chems at once as she could when Bonnie was 12 years old.

Her father Rusty was a rough, stubborn man, and was often hard on her, but loved her, and taught her how to survive. he smoked and drank a lot, and didn't care to watch his radiation levels, believing he was strong enough to withstand it (and didn't take much stock in threats he couldn't see). He was injured when bonnie was around 19, and his health declined rapidly, but he refused to see a doctor. He died, maybe from radiation, maybe from infection, maybe from a lot of things. Bonnie misses him, but felt it was inevitable that something would take him eventually

Bonnie once had a wife - Jolene. things ended very poorly. Jolene betrayed her and sold her out to a group of gangsters (for what reason/exact context i dont really know) - bonnie almost killed her in anger and grief, but shot the wall above her head instead and left her there. She never saw her again. doesn't know if jolene is alive or dead, and isn't sure which news would be worse.

✨ bonnie

[hershelchocolate]

is there a particulr thing you want to ramble about or is this a "i want to talk so bad but i have 0 ideas and no one to talk to anyone so im simply going to die" mood? cause if you have something you want to talk about here is your permission to go off

I have been in Such a Hallowed mood lately and I have 0 outlet for it man I just fuckign love all these guys

They're all designed to have self contained mini stories so they're all just so uniquely cool in a way where they contain multitudes but it isn't actually that hard to summarize what they're about.

Like. Okay. Transgender cat girl who is taking too much advantage of her newly acquired nine lives? Catt. And she fucks.

Someone whose brother died in an accident but is haunted by his ghost constantly removing his memories of said accident? Emmit and Ismet and I'm obsessed with both of them in different ways. The brother who loved his sibling so much it would destroy him to find out the truth vs the brother who loved his sibling so much he came back from the dead but had to work constantly to make sure he was never being himself in front of his brother ever again. Fucks me up

Girl who never wanted to be here, who never wanted these abilities, but she has them and now she has no choice but to use them for good when she is physically incapable of begging for help? Irene and I think about her every day of my fucking life

Someone who was betrayed by their closest friend and took extreme measures and willingly became one of the most powerful monsters in this universe just to insure no one else suffered the same betrayal? Catherine and she's in gay love with a mailman

The little girl who befriends the monster under her bed with the perfect excuse of an imaginary friend to explain why she's speaking to something no one else can see? Shirley and her bestie Cuddles who is just happy to have someone to talk to

Monstrous circus ringmaster? Kalliope

Possessed by a ventriloquist dummy? Darby

The personification of the forest? Aspen

Literally everyone is so cool and fun in such vastly different ways I can be in a totally different mood and still love someone from this story they just all slap So hard

[svturn-exe]

can i hear. abt the minutexminute au

nkJDhfjkbKLDF y E !! it's. Gabriel Experiences Hubris: the AU p utting the rest of my rambling under a readmore vv

the premise is!! gabriel trying to minmax Suffering by trapping the victims in an infinite loop of the worst days of their lives. it backfires for them really badly bc u shouldn't combine time loops with The Horrors gabriel goes and kills cesar & his mother to make an alt with cesar's appearance to go kill mark, bc mark is extraordinarly strong-willed and that could end up being a problem down the road. gabriel traps cesar in a loop of that night (rip mama torres) mark's loop is the full three days that he's trapped for, not much changed from canon jonah & adam are stuck in their loop together! which is the entirety of their investigation, including part of the drive there. this also means they have that fuckin arguement every single tim e but eventually smth goes wrong bc somethign something MAD + time looping = Not Good and jonah starts getting deja vu. and eventually that escalates to jonah straight up starting to Remember Things He Shouldn't and from there it becomes jonah trying different things each loop to try and break them and adam out of it. he tries going in the basement with adam, wrestling the steering wheel away from adam ont he drive and trying to turn the car the fuck around, smashing the tv , etc but nothing seems to be working bc they just. cannot bat out an alternate in a figh t it's gets to the point where jonah starts going by like. speedrun rules and if he fucks up an attempt he just picks up a box cutter he found and . "resets" but the more and more loops he goes through, the more warped he becomes........ and adam finally starts to notice. which is what starts to get adam to start remembering things, but he's not quite where jonah is just yet anyway jonah does snap and fuckign Maul six to death in the basement and preacher wisely decides to peace ou t . fulfilling the mission given to her by gabriel ain't worth this ma n there's two of these crazy bitches by the time they get to that point adam is also kinda warped (i'm still thinking abt this bc. this au was pre-vol 4 but i do know i want adam to b an alt still. just gotta figure out how to work that in) and he can go thru tvs n shit like six :) he can also drag other people thru tvs, and that's how he and jonah finally leave their little personal hell bubble

so the Backstreet Boys are free and they're on the run for multiple reasons now. 1. they're still wanted by the fbi 2. they don't exactly look Normal anymore

they end up retreating to mandela county bc where else to hide as a horror than amongst the horrors & they choose a particular abandoned house to camp out in until they figure out what to do

but then jonah starts to notice smth Weird abt the house they're in like they just have a Feeling u kno. n after a bit of poking around they and adam discover a tv in a bedroom that . looks a lot like a crime scen e

it's mark's house, and now adam & jonah are interfering with his Hell Loop

by the time adam & jonah get there, mark is. definitely a lot worse for wear, since he has been looping since 1992 and it's currently 2009, but all things considered he's still going strong. and by strong i mean day 1 of his loops now he's running out his room w a gun, yelling insults at the horrors & cursing out God

anyway adam crawls out of mark's tv and quickly has to go the fuck back bc mark does tries to shoot his ass IMMEDIATELY. boy is not playing around

it'll take some time for adam & jonah to earn mark's trus t. mostly via adam hastily shoving notes thru the tv & quickly yanking his hand back b4 he can lose a finger to the Deagle

meanwhile cesar is still stuck with gabriel. but gabriel is also stuck with cesar.

the only reason mark is still as "intact" as he is after 17 years of this is bc he has a Will Of Steel

cesar is not nearly as unflappabl e and so he has become. a lot different

at first gabriel thought it was interesting and they wanted to see where it would go . now they feel Regret bc cesar is no longer trying to run away or plead or anything and is just comign @ gabriel with Intent to kill. but every time gabriel kills cesar he just. resets & comes back & continues trying to kill them

h ell for all parties involved .

[arcplaysgames]

[Tim Rogers voice but bass-boosted] Hi, giri-choco yo?

Kanji my beloved have you ever tried to buy chocolate before Feb 14th? It's atrocious, the prices are terrible. This is why we resort to relying on others to give us chocolate, it is otherwise unattainable. Obviously.

But only because yesterday we were in the Hollow Forest, so I didn't exactly have time to run to the store, sorry.

Chie and Yukiko have chocolates for everyone, because they are way too nice to this gaggle of fucking morons, but also

Yukiko, you've never said anything wrong in your life and I love you for it.

Rise brought chocolate for everyone but makes it abundantly clear that this is a gesture to everyone by gifting Chie first. Which, frankly. Frankly? I think I might ship Chie and Rise more than Yukiko and Chie. Rise is so goddamn good at getting a rise (ha) out of Chie.

YOU DESERVE THIS, YOSUKE. /laughs

A small, petty part of me wants to laugh a bit at Kanji continuing to strike out with Naoto because ha ha that's what it feels like you unattainable hottie boom bottie, suffer with me.

But also: that's rough, buddy.

Also, Naoto getting chocolate, I hope she gets like multiple girlfriends next year while Yosuke remains dateless. That would just bring me absolute joy. Prince of the school Naoto Shirogane.

So all the boys go to sulk at Junes because waaaaah no choco for you. Life sucks. Maybe if y'all put in some fucking effort on White Day and gave the girls you like something nice, you'd make something of yourselves.

Alas! Sucks to suck!

As an ace person: lmao Valentines Day is a joke. I assume we somehow did a cultural imperialism and exported it to Japan and for that I genuinely apologize to all Japanese people. It is among the worst of our goddamn holidays. Also I hope it is astondingly clear i joke about giri choco to hide my pain at the entire concept of obligation chocolate. Christ.

SLAMS HANDS ON THE TABLE

HOLY SHIT

IS THAT A TEDDIE CHOCOLATE?

THAT AIN'T GIRI CHOCO

kanji do you wanna make out on this table right now, like for real

goddammit i can't even joke about how much I want to romance Kanji, this is so fuckign sweet, oh my god. Kanji, who is far and away the best character in this fucking game, my dearly beloved queer bottle-blond lightning bruiser, when I finally uninstall this game, I will miss you so goddamn much. You should be a character in every video game.

I love you Nanako. Not as much as Kanji, Yukiko, and Teddie, but you are def in the top five.

OH so just like at the end of Persona 3 Portable, Reverie dies again! Good to know!

fucking W A S T E D

Also I was hoping for peak White Day drama and finally swallowing my crush back so I can play matchmaker for Naoto and Kanji, but NOPE THE GAME SKIPS AHEAD AFTER THIS TO THE FINAL DAY OF THE GAME

COWARDS. GIMME WHITE DAY!

[joshriku]

hi!! I saw a rec list of yours where you were like, "i actually have more but some of them are just the real popular ones so im like. Yeah youve read it." -- but I HAVENT!! I'm brand new to cherik and looking for those ultimate recs, those smash hits. could you rec some ultimate cherik fic, if you have the time? i'm not big on fluff but anything too cutesy but otherwise I'm totally open!!! thank you in advance!

hiii :D i would absolutely recommend you to also browse the tag filtering it by kudos because i tend to filter out some things and i also tend to be picky with stuff so there's probably Smashing Hits(tm) i overlooked bc i was like 'nahh im not in the mood today' and my god there are so many good authors and fics that probs go undiscovered by ME. so do make sure you don't miss out on Those Hits

that being said i went through my bookmarks and i'm grabbing those ones with thousands of kudos (bc to me A Lot of Kudos are anything over 100 but i know some cherik fics have liek 5k or more so. i rec going thru the tag fr) so if i repeat myself from the other recs im very sorry but teehee here you go!!!!

these are all like. well. they don't have major trigger warnings or bad endings so enjoy

two lonely souls in a fish bowl by blarfkey: this is really more centered around pietro and erik but the cherik in it is mmmmmwah and also it's jsut so fucking good if you need to scratch that itch of 'damn i wish pietro had told erik he was his dad' like the rest of us. it's so so so good and IT'S A WHOLE SERIES SO CHECK THAT OUT THEY'RE ALL SO GOOOOD.

been there, done that by asyouwish: time loop fic! fucking love that. erik gets stuck in a timeloop before the cuba thing happens. i love seeing littl emen suffer trapped in time

i don't want to wake up on my own anymore by pocky_slash: my bookmark tag here says 'something about erik sleeping' so i reread it and i was like oghggoghg erik sleeping....so YEAH.

orphans of forgetting by pocky_slash: AHGP okay this one's fucking good listen to me. i like men going through emotional trials that fucks them up but gives them an emotionally fulfilling result. this fics good

the pretender by clocks: au where erik fake proposes to charles to get free food. they're still mutants. apparently i bookmarked this one saying 'im going to cry' and now i remember i was jsut really emotional that day and there was no reason to cry as it is a very good and funny fic. help

the whole world wants what we're on by waketosleep: and there was only one bed!

mi casa, su casa by zairaA: i love this one. it's so fun to read. charles moves into his new apartment only to find out erik already lived there. i love this fic.

shalom malakh by zairaa: ive read this oen so many times and only now ive connected the dots that it's the same author. david haller is in this fic. 10/10 showstoppin gi love MY BOYYYYYY !!!!!! but other than that it's so fucking good. what's better than coming back from the dead to haunt ur loved ones AM I RIGHT..

still life with cookies by ren: this one's cute. like a romcom. the pining on this one is so good and enjoyable i liked it so much

a nice boy (the family matters edition) by pocky_slash: IVE RECCED THIS BEFORE. BUT LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO I REREAD IT AND I CRIED SO LIKE HERE IT GOES AGAIN

x marks the spot by the hoyden: i fuckign lvoe this fic. every time i reread it i blink and it's over even though its like 20k words but it's jsut THAT good!!!!

the courtship by danveresque: what's better than canon characters cherik. REINCARNATIPON FICS . fuck my life thsi fic stresse dme out so bad but it was so good. i love it.

never too late to be who you might have been by acetamide: charles and erik wake up in the future (the 2000s timeline movies) and only remember up until what they know before the cuban missile crisis. chaos but also sweet shit :)

tessellation by nekosmuse: i feel like ive mentioned this one before. no MATTER. it's GOOD. IT FUCKS ME UP SO BAD. it does messes with comic canon and also the xmen animated series so it's PERFECT FOR ME and i really do feel it's a classic. liek. 3k kudos should attest for a classic yeah. magneto is a charles xavier enjoyer. they meet. fall in love. Shit Happens. but like it's my favorite.

i think those are all the fics i have that are over 1k kudos long weeps.. again i SUPER encourage you to filter it by kudos when you go the charles/erik tag bc there are SO many fics with SO much content so please enjoy! i accidentally opened the tag and filtered it on august 2021 and i keep going through it. 2 years later yeah. i'm in like page 157 of it. we all make mistakes. but thank you for the ask and i hope you enjoy! :)

[cyberdragoninfinity]

How would you rank the barians from least favorite to most favorite

OK SO. IVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS ASK FOR WEEKS CUZ I WAS WAITING UNTIL I HAD ACTUALLY SEEN ALL SEVEN BARIAN EMPERORS IN ACTION. and now well im done watching the series SO!! im glad I waited because over the course of the back chunk of zexal ii my opinions on all the emperors got jostled around so much AND I ENDED UP LIKING ALL OF THEM A LOT. so i guess caveat for this list: love all 7 of these guys so much, definitely one of my favorite "factions" of yugioh characters. my fuckign kids

anyway, from 'least' to most favorite

7. Girag: THIS FEELS SO MEAN. SORRY GIRAG like I said i love 'em all but I guess he's the one I like the least, if only because his design is.... unfortunate. And his backstory is......................... unfortunate. They really said "this black character didn't actually do any of his supposed achievements; a literal tanuki did them for him" and called it a day huh HHFDGSDFG Yugioh Not Fantastic Moments but what can ya do. He's still fun. I love his dub voice I genuinely do wonder if it being a bit of a Rocky Balboa impression was a deliberate choice (since he's buddies with Alito Boxer Kiddo Extraordinare).

6. Dumon: AGAIN. A LITTLE MEAN. SORRY DUMON FDHGSG he's grown on me a BUNCH since I started z2 mostly because i lesbianpilled him in my brain but he's gotta be #6 because his Barian form is probably my LEAST favorite of the bunch. I'm not big on his very flat eyes but I do love the idea that they're because He Cant Fucking See. His human form is so fucking funny they really librarypilled this guy so hard. He's low on the list but still dear to me. Definite Zexal Real One.

5. Marin: GOD. RIOMARINMERAG. I LOVE HER. I REALLY DO. her Barian form's color palette is just gorgeous and she has an awesome ice motif and she's a COOL SPORTY JOCK and she LOVES HER BROTHER but my GOD she suffers from Girl in a Yugioh Series SO BAD. THIS POOR GIRL IS FRIDGED FOR LITERALLY OVER HALF THE SHOW!!!! she does 1-3 cool things and They Shred Like Hell but there's just barely enough of her in the show for her to really blossom into one of my top favs :( don't worry sweetheart im coming

4. Mizar: ok so now we're getting into the territory of where I Just Really Like These Guys. I didn't give a SHIT about MizarMizael until the Moon Duel, and then I proceeded to give SO many shits about him. What can I say.... sad kiddo YGO character backstory gets me every time. I love that he pulled an Aporia and face-turned and tried to take on the Big Bad but fumbled so fucking hard he died in one turn. His Barian form is ROUGH, THOUGH. HIS SHADES OF YELLOW ARE TOO FUCKING CLOSE TO EACH OTHER PUT SOME MORE GREEN AND RED IN THERE. Anyway. Been cooking a trans woman Mizar headcanon for a little while now. estrogen and hooves could have saved her.

3. Nasch: I. really like Shark. I'm still sorting out favorites in my mind but Shark is definitely in my Top Five and I like him as Nasch by extension. Definitely one of the coolest Yugioh Rivals by absolute far. His slow growth as Shark from Mean Bully to Guy Who Cares So Much About His Friends just GUTS me!! This is what ygo's all about babeyyy!!! And the sheer amount of AWFUL SHIT that happens to this kid, MY GOD. He loses his sister over and over again and ends up with SO MANY LIVES ON THE LINE it's a fucking wonder he didnt have a turbo emotional breakdown and collapse. Also I love when characters have species identity crisis and claim to throw their humanity away<3 I know that one <333 ALSO his color palette is really good, I wish his pants were dark though.

2. Alito: ALITOOOOOOOO ALITO MY BI ITALIAN REP. he is latino to me. as well. anyway Alito is also one of my Absolute Top Favorite Zexal Characters I fucking love him. I love Tough Guy Who Kids Love. I love his Battlin Boxers. I love his narrative parallels to Nistro (also one of my fav characters). I love both his forms!! His Barian color palette rocks. ALL OF HIS DUELS GO SO DAMN HARD ESPECIALLY THE MYTHIRIAN NUMBER ONE AND HIS 'CONTROLLED BY DON THOUSAN' DUEL. He's just so good!!! His dynamic with Yuma makes my brain spin around. I need to draw him for real so bad. I hope they put him in Duel Links soon I will whoop and cheer and clap.

cmon. gotta be basic here but you know it's VECTOR!!!!!!!!!!! God he might be. My most favorite Zexal character. He is certainly the one making me the Most insane. I feel like a version of me from a different dimension made this character in a lab just to psychologically torment me. He's BONKERS, he's FUNNY, he's SO OBSCENELY EXPRESSIVE IT'S INSANE, he LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE MY BESTIE'S BLORBO, he LOOKS LIKE MY ART STYLE. Absolute Dana Monster Perfect Storm thats destroyed my house and my brain. And then they had to go and make him SAD!!! JUST TAKE ME TO THE VET AND PUT ME DOWN, MAN!!! s-tier yugioh character. top tier favorites hall of famer. i love him to bits. half my screenshot folder looks like this now

[karnalesbian]

me waking up to another day where, inexplicably, every single person in the whole entire world has not fallen madly in love with me: This world and all its pitiable creatures remain blinded, broken, hollow. Shall We yet again suffer the indignity of being overshadowed by the fleeting and illusionary temptations of the material world? What of simply leaving the mistaken to make peace with their mistakes, transcending, escaping the chains of being present yet not perceived, or perceived yet not known, or known yet not appreciated? Ah, but surely 'tis not so simple, for the foolish heart's attachments to its familiar surroundings persist regardless of the knowledge of their transience, their falsity. And so the choice is finally not Ours; bound as We are to this fragile steed, unceasing in gait, We will pursue the conclusion to its grand or grim finale. Simply cry onward! onward! and perhaps tomorrow shall let fall the scales from their eyes....

me waking up the next day where for some strange reason nothing has changed: this is BULLSHIT i want a fuckign refund what the FUCK

me waking up to a third day in a row of unchanged circumstances re: worldwide unconditional love for me: Surely We know that the height of folly is repeating meaningless actions of whose meaninglessness one is fully aware...... And yet... And yet....... Perhaps We shall be gracious in waiting for enlightenment to descend upon them......

[turbobyakuren]

i'm gonna hit the hay because jesus christ it is very late

i'm just gonna say

i finished Endwalker

i'll write a proper post tomorrow if i get the time, but here are my QUICK FEELINGS WHILE ITS STILL WARM under a readmore

Level 80 to 82 is slow and easy then you get to Garlemald and by level 83 it just goes to fuckign shits. The pacing is fucking breakneck, it steerwheels you in directions you'll NEVER expect. you expected to talk to JUST talk to Elidibus about Elpis? NO YOURE GONNA BE SENT BACK WITH THE ANCIENT ONES.

Meteion is such a compelling antagonist. It feels incredible to fight the cause of all this shit... And give her a proper happy ending, despite everything. That in spite of suffering, pain, sorrow... We are just humans trying to get by.

Tower of Zot and Babil dungeons are really nice. Thavnair dungeon is chilling. I LOVED the Elpis and Aitiascope dungeons with the Trust supports. The very last dungeon is EASILY my favourite one in the entire fucking game.

Speaking of which... The final stretch in Ultima Thule is my favourite part. It obscured literally every arcs (which i FUCKING LOVED all of them!!!). It has, in my opinion, one of the best piece of "classic" science fiction writing. It's spine-chilling. And then the feelings. I'm gonna be honest, i was WAILING like a baby at times. Those who went through it know what i'm talking about.

Getting to fight Zodiark and Hydaelyn is incredibly satisfying and a great way to wrap up the game. Endsinger's fight theme was amazing and her fight as a whole... It was a bit hard to follow but it was absolutely bonkers. Best way to wrap up this whole expansion.

Last but not least, I have mixed opinions about the fight versus Zenos. On one hand, i don't like Zenos as a character (writing wise) and this fight occurring right after Endsinger robbed a bit of the impact of Meteion's ending to me. However it was great because it is the best way to conclude the story of my Warrior of Light. You'll understand i hope. One day.

Overall: Absolutely amazing expansion. Filled with incredible narrative arcs. Flooring it with the pacing and not holding back. Making you look behind you and think "wow, we came this far". I love the Scions. I love the dungeons. I love the trials. I love the concepts. I love the way the gameplay fully contributes to the narrative. I love the emotions it brought me, the screams it gave me, the tears i shed because of poignant moments and the emotional attachment i have to this world, these characters and my very own Olympia Pallas.

I love Final Fantasy XIV. And I'm so glad they ended the "Hydaelyn" saga the best way they could.

[tempestuous-cosplay]

I am having some big fucking feelings so i’ll be cringe and blog about it

So. ah. I had a breakdown in the shower today bc it all hit at once that I was neglected as FUCK. like. holy shit i had an EATING DISORDER and NO ONE FUCKIGN NOTICED??? I was constantly going to school without a lunch because “You need to learn how to take care of yourself!!!!” My friends all thought I was So Forgetful because I was always “forgetting my lunch at home” because thats less embarassing than “I can’t make my own lunch”. I always thought “I bet being an adult is a lot of work, i don;t want to be a bother.” NO BITCH, THATS THEIR FUCKING JOB

YEA IT IS A  LOT OF WORK!!! AND PART OF THAT WORK IS MAKING SURE YOUR KID IS EATING ENOUGH!!! MAKING SURE THEY ARE SEEN AND LISTENED TOO!!! IM ABOUT TO BE A FATHER AND THEIR ACTIONS MAKE LESS AND LESS SINCE

WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT?? WHY WAS I STRUGGLING AND SUFFERING FOR SO LONG WHEN IM FINDING THE ANSWERS SO EASY!!!

DON’T HAVE FUCKING KIDS IF YOU ARENT READY FOR THEM TO NEED YOU FOR EVERYTHING FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE!!!! YU ARE CHOOSING TO MAKE ANOTHER PERSON WHO HAS NO SAY IN THE MATTER!!!!!! GET YOUR SHIT HANDLED!!! 

Y’ALL FUCKING LET ME WALK AROUND WITH FUCKING MONO!!!! I TOLD YOU I WAS ABUSED AND THEN WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT!!!! I HAD A BROKEN ANKLE FOR MONTHS!!! I WAS SO FUCKING DEPRESSED FOR SO LONG AND JUST THINKING “OH THIS IS THE WAY IT IS I GUESS”

fuck man this is going full stream of consciousness. I struggled through COVID, starving the whole time bc my dad could be assed to cook anything. his GIRLFRIEND (my mom died just a fucking year ago, what the actual FUCK my guy) cooked me pancakes (the only meal i specifically requested bc i needed some comfort food)

My parents would always tell this story like it was SO FUCKING FUNNY that every time my mom would leave my sister and I with my dad for the day, she would always come back to us hungry, soiled, and distressed.LIKE MA’AM, THAT IS FULL ON STRAIGHT UP NEGLECT WHAT THE FUCK???

When I was, like, 11 I think, I found an empty condom wrapper in my room and my parents just SHRUGGED THAT OFF!!! WHAT WAS AN EMPTY CONDOM WRAPPPER DOING IN MY FUCKING BEDROOM WITH BUNKBEDS AND GIANT PINK UNICORNS?? WHY DID THAT NOT WORRY YOU MORE??? IT SURE FUCKING WORRIED ME!!!! 

[backagainforthelasttime]

The world is truly a worse place because I exist.

He says no one else determines his self worth. He knows who he is. He knows what his identity is. He fought back against it all. What he doesn’t understand is that I don’t know who I am. I’ve never been allowed to be me. Being me has always been a problem a very very big fuckign problem. One I can’t handle anymore. One I can’t bear to keep hearing and keep feeling. Because I don’t know who I am my self worth comes from those I love and those I allow to have that power over me. And you you are the one who has the most power and you do nothing but bring me down. You do nothing but point out all my deficiencies and insecurities and use it to your will. I don’t have anything left in me now to keep fighting against you. To keep pushing back. To keep fighting for us because at the end of the day I fight for us but you only fight for you. I’ve lost the fight. You win. You always win. Congratulations D. You won. Even if it took breaking us and me in the process. All that matters is that you won right? Well you did it. Yay. I’m sorry for every fay you’ve been stuck and suffered with me. All 411 days of our marriage. I’m sorry for each one. I’m sorry for me. I’m sorry for Zara. I’m sorry for coming in between you and your life. I’m sorry for all of it and much much more. If you’re ever able to, please forgive me. What il doing may seem drastic but it’s all I can see that you want. It’s all I can see that everyone wants from me. I’ve tried in every relationship be it my parents or siblings or mother or friend or girlfriend or wife and I’ve always failed. I’ve always been told that I’m nothing more than a problem. The problem. You were my last hope. I can’t do it anymore.

[krazykatrina21]

Same topic diffrent day

I wish i could turn off my emotions. I wish i could also just do things without thinking 10 steps ahead. how volitile this world is - i ask my self this every day. I always also ask myself if there is better out there. I ams ure there is that's the problem but yet i keep putting myself through this suffering. is it suffering? i shold be happy this is what i wanted after all? I dont undersatdn this world i dont understand myself i don't understand my decisions. I AM SO UNHAPPY HERE. woah i didnt even mean for that to be all caps and yet the world yet again made a futile error and i pressed the caps button. was it a mistake was it unconsuois what is wrong with my brain? what is worng with me? i know i love him but why am i so miserable. why am i so fucking unhappy. i wis he would plan things and do more. i wish he wasnt like my dad and i wish i didnt feel like my mothernright now. i dont wnat to thro my life away i know i am unhappy but what if it changes what if it gets better? i cant look to the past for a cycle becasue so much has changed now and he is in a better position to do bette rbut i am so fucking miserable. i keep dreaming about fallin gin love but it with everyone but him in my dreams. i think back to the guy i met the day before thanksgiving. the way he said he loved me but barley knew me and was acting like he would turn the world upside down just to see me smile. but is it all a lie becasue thats how M was when we fist met and now he just plays video games for 6+ hours a day. he is so negaive and i keep trying to cheer him up but the only thing that really does is drugs and alch. the two things i was taught to stay away from from my fathers additions. he was never a druggie but my mom never drank becasue he made such a horribe habit over it. i just wish things would change becasue i really dont think i have the courage to leave. i do love him and i have never been so close to another human in my entire life. maybe i am not ment to be this close to someone like this again. i cant let go of him. i just want him to be better so badly i want him to want that. i wan thim to plan the smallest things like a picnic or a walk or something a movie night a paint night a fuckign walk. a dinner i want him to be more selfless i want him to caiter to my needs like i do to his. i give him so much of myself but its my fault beasue i did this i taught him that this is okay and now its my life. i hate this. i want him to be motivated i want him to be better to do better to try more to push himself to be opomistic. but am i trying to change verything about him at this point? i love how goofy he is but i know i would feel so incredible if we walked into an event and he workked the room like me in a brilliant way not pulling VIP wristbands out his pockets. i dont know what to do.

[masakuterarr]

Funny how everyone slowly realizes the time part thingy LMFAO ITS LITERALLY LIKE EATING POPCORN AND WATCHING HOW EVERYONE FACE IS CHANGING WHEN REALIZING- this is the best I've ever seen in my life. I wanna go over your sweet ass comments now, cuz no way I just reblog it individually- so have one big post again :) first of all THANK YOU hehe 🤍 you guys are ff cute and it brings me so much joy that I woke up today and could read your reblogs ;3; smoochies from me here!

you guys are just ff cute I can't- idk if you should read this every day but I am not holding u back LOL to go over your points now!

AMEN. It is actually cute to me how Uvo turns everything into some way of violence. Even if it's just verbally. I think one of my favorite scenes is how Uvo arrives and ignores anyone to just talk to Chrollo like "So now, I am here Boss! What are we gonna get this time? Comon give us the order already!" - I melt everytime, I swear. (also I'll give u a short video of my fav german uvo scenes in he end cuz I can't shut up about it and you have to go through this now too. I don't care, it's too late for you to get out of it anymore :) )

also AMEN! ITS SO FUNNY TO ME. Uvo just hates it. Idk if he would actually chase that mf then or just go back to the base and throw hands so everyone has to endure him being pissed.

his ego is as big as Escanor and I love it. Tho, the fucking sad thing is that exactly this ego is the thing that killed him in the end. But I will probably make an individual post for that. Cuz it's really sad if you think about it and compare it to Sarasa's death. Tho again, later on that with it's own post :)

it's just so sad- He feels guilty and he just wants to be the strongest to protect what is important to him. He said he wants to be the strongest villain ever which is bittersweet. Cuz if he is that villain that everyone fears, he can protect his friends with it. Cuz then noone would dare to get past him to touch his family, right? Fuck this shit hurts everytime...

ABSO-FUCKIGN-LUTELY He feels guilt and he HATES it. He HATES that he feels guilty because why should he? He told himself before that he is gonna do bullshit things. He actively decided to do it. And yet there he is, still feeling some guilt over it. Also what would Sarasa think if she saw them doing all this? She would surely not be happy, right? And Uvo KNOWS it. He knows it and wants to drown all these thoughts so bad. He is just a traumatized child avoiding his own reality because he is too weak to face it :')

I will go into some detail now. Cuz I kinda forgot to put it intot he original post but ah here we go. Uvogin realized at some point that Kurapika is gonna go the same shitty way he went. And that's the only reason why he laughed in the end. He knew Kurapika already did one step too far and will likely fall into the same shitty cold and horrible hole he fell into. And he knows that getting revenge doesn't get you anything. Killing didnt fill this hole he has from Sarasa's death, as much as he would like to think it did. Killing or getting his revenge is just trying to fill a horizontal hole with water. It is full for one second and then it just drips out again, till it's fully open again.

Uvogin realized that and in his last ff moment got amused by the thought that Kurapika is much likely to face the same he had to face. And tbh I find it really ff great how he got amused by that- Cuz it did show that he also finally realized and faced that reality himself.

Gosh this bebi is a ff legend.

to put it simply. YES. That is exactly what I meant and I am very sure that this is an actual thought process Togashi had for it. I will fight over this for my entire life. Don't even try me. LOL It is pureply angst and I did this with the full intension to make everyone suffer who realizes it. You're welcome. last bits now I swear

I have to thank you guys for being so supportive. Cuz otherwise I would have never posted such a thing. So it's a 'one hand washes the other'- I guess... is that how the saying goes? I think so. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN OKAY

I mean it when I say this character means a lot to me so I wanna give him some justice that he deserves. I think if Uvo had generally more screentime and more casual moments people would be hyped over him like they are for Nobunaga and Feitan. Maybe even as much as for Chrollo. Cuz hear me out, Uvogin is not a side character. He is WAY TOO important for that. The impact he had on the story is INSANE and I am a bit sad that not enough people see it. Tho maybe it's good so we have less toxic people in this small uvo bubble :D

YEP. In Togashi's name, AMEN. Uvo is a legend and he fully served. And I think the best thing that shows it is that we are literally sitting here rn and wishing for more of him. He didn't had much but what he did with that bit was crazy. And I am so happy that Togashi made Uvo a ff legend. And I am sure you can tell that Togashi has a sweet spot for Uvogin as well. And that makes me happy. Cuz as someone who has own characters for giant world buildings too, it is the best compliment ever when people love even the characters that don't appear for too long. Okay, enough with my half bible here, I will now get u my fav Uvo scenes.

here UwU (I will put the link in when I can finally upload that other post with the ff video in it cuz tumblr won't let me post a video on a reblog... thanks tumblr)

I will give u anyways cuz I FUCKING CAN. Deal with it. Watch it. This is a demand. Cuz, this might be sour for some people BUT german dub Uvo is the best Uvo and no you can not change my mind. Also fff credits to you, You know who you are (also I am bad at remembering names) I didnt know I would find another person here who watched the german dub. Thank you, you literally made my day. CUZ I CANT SHUT UP ABOUT IT *cries* anyways, enjoy, and have a nice day Uvo nation 🤍

HxH Character Analysis : UVOGIN

*cracks my fingers* alright peoples, I've been cooking this for DAYS now and I finally have everything gathered (at least I hope so). So lean back, get something to drink and maybe some paper and pen to take notes :) This will be a long one! (btw if there are missspellings I am really sorry, english is not my native language and it's too much that I wrote and I do not have the energy to look over it again- :') )

Character Analysis of Uvogin, regarding the Sarasa Incident

Numbing and Emotional Detachment

A dumb brute with just muscles and pureply driven by the joy to kill. That's probably how a lot of people would describe him. This is actually not really true and I will explain why I think that.

In my perception Uvogin pureply kills because a) it's his 'job' and b) because he wants to drown his own emotions.

There are generally 2 Options we can work with.

Uvogin kills because it's one of the only things that give him a positive feeling, which lasts short term.

Uvogin kills because it's something that numbs his emotions

If we go with option 1, we assume that Uvogin relates positive feelings with killing.

Killing the people who came to kill himself, assumingly gives Uvogin the most pleasure (kinky lol). Assumingly it gives him some kind of kick of adrenaline, knowing he might potentially gives his life. It's probably a same kind of feeling with the russian roulette. (Most people play it because of the death wish, but I don't wanna focus on that too much for Uvogin. This death wish with Uvogin can be a giant topic for itself-)

I simply think, Uvogin got addicted to this kick of adrenaline over time and now simply can't stop.

In the german dub of HxH 2011 it's even put a bit better. There Uvogin says "Because dudes like you appear here and there, I just can't stop killing. It's like an addiction"(I am just obsessed with some of the wording in different languages. Plus I LIVE for german dub Uvogin lol)

NOW, what is ironic about this, is that some moments before Kurapika asked Uvogin what they feel when killing innocent people they don't even know. To which Uvogin answers with "Nothing"

I found this weird so I came to the conclusion that Uvogin has a) to difference between killing innocent people and people who come to revenge or b) he doesn't even know it himself and he is just a confused mess, which makes sense if you consider how his mental health state is after unhealed trauma and unhealthy coping mechanism (but I will go intot his now anyways).

But if we consider Option 2, that killing people is actually numbing his feelings, he might even be the complete opposite of what we thought he is. In this case he might be a emotional mess and killing people is what calms him down.

No matter what tho, Uvogin is heavily addicted to the act of killing and he continues to kill because it's something that distracts him from his emotions. Because judging for how long this has been ago, Uvo is way too deep into this entire hole of killing as coping that he can't bare to face the reality that by now, he is probably even worse than Sarasas murder. So he drowns himself in distraction, pushing the reality down his throat so he does not have to face it. But even if he wanted to, he would probably just break at the actual realization of what he has become.

Extreme Punctuality and The Urge to Control The Uncontrollable

(ah my favorite and the least thing looked at)

At first look it is just a cute funny detail added to Uvogins character to make him a bit more relateable and whole as a character. But looking at it I actually realized a sad thing.

Remember when Sarasa went out alone? The others thought she was just gonna get the tape and come back.

If you look at it and put it simply. Sarasa was late. You know what Uvo hates? Someone being late. Nice when the realization kicks in, is it? :)

To explain it now;

When they found Sarasa in the forest, it was already too late. Uvo realized that if they were to search for her earlier or just arrive earlier, they might have had a chance to make an impact on the outcome. Or even save her life.

With this in mind, Uvogins focus on being punctional now seems less random. His anger towards his comerades being late probably isn't even intentionally. Sarasa's death might have impacted Uvo with a strong sense of responsibility as well.

He wants to gain control over things he can't even control, which is a really common coping response to trauma. He once lost control over something, which led to a tragic consequence and now he fears to lose control once again. So Uvogins 'anger' is not because he is actually mad, but because he fears that the same thing happened to them. He simply just cares and is scared that the ones he cares about are getting hurt and worst case, even die.

Because it happened once. So it's much likely to happen again, right? This is a common anxiety thought process.

Outer Persona and Antisocial Behavior

It is obvious that Uvo has a certain 'tough-guy' persona that he shows to the outside world. It becomes very clear when he fights against Kurapika

When Uvogin begins to realize that Kurapika is stronger than he thought and (from his view) maybe even stronger than himself, you can see how this persona is slowly breaking down.

Outer Personas are a common thing for people with Anxiety and Depression. So I think it is save to assume, this is the case with Uvogin. The reason for that can be really simple; from just wanting to not let the others worry about his mental state or just to seem invincible to other people/enemies.

But it can also be, that Uvogin tries to convince himself that he is invincible and not wants to accept how vulnerable he actually as. And yet again, not being able to accept that he wasn't strong enough when Sarasa needed him to be.

To the 'antisocial' part;

When they found Sarasa in the bag back then, Uvo was about to leave her and the others. This always seemed a bit off to me. Why would he leave if he cared so much about her?

People have various reactions to when they don't know how to handle a situations or emotions. Some people laugh, some cry, some stay silent and some get angry. Uvogin is seemingly someone to cope with aggression or isolation/detachment. He probably just wanted to vanish because he felt weak and helpless, and his body instinctively reacted with aggression and the attempt to cut himself out off the scene.

Even at some point in the fight against Kurapika, you can see how Uvo started to gave up and just emotionlessly repeated himself to Kurapika: "Kill me" .

This also leads to (imo) Uvogin's biggest weakness :

Uvogin and Panic

Uvo is a strong and smart fighter, when it comes to combat. He can probably plan out a lot within just a few moments and has an incredible skill at creative problem solving.

Tho, for me, it tends to panic really easily, leaving him extremely vulnerable. The best example is in his fight against Kurapika but also against the Shadow Beasts. Theres a moment when he got caught off guard and starts to slightly panic, which led him to instinctively cope with aggression;

In the 2011 anime he even calls one of them "bastard" after collabsing onto the ground.

(small addition here cuz Shal wtf, why do you look like someone got you flowers after your comerade just collabsed onto the ground, obviously about to get tortured now??)

anyways-

Uvogins Ego and Self Blame

Ofc this can just be Uvo being Uvo, as he thinks a lot of his own abilities and skills, but since this is an analysis, why not looking into it too?

Maybe Uvogin tends to have an ego problem and high temper because he does not want to get reminded that he can fail too. Because in his opinion, the last time he failed, it led to Sarasa's death.

Logically it is obviously not his fault that Sarasa died. The kids straight up didn’t know what would or could happen. But I am very sure that Uvo always blamed himself for it. The same probably goes for Chrollo and the others as well. And since Uvogin is not in a healthy envirnment, nor got treatment for his trauma ever, he surely blames himself.

(And at this point he surely is not able to stop/change his mind on that anymore. Uvo would straight up rage if he was put into a therapist's office LOL)

A similar thought process might have happened when Uvo got kidnapped by the nostrade family and the others had to save him. After all, it would fit a LOT into his pattern of feeling vulnerable and coping with aggression trying to protect his ego. Cuz if he doesn’t he has to face the reality that he was too weak (again) and the others had to save him, putting them indirectly in potential danger.

His thought process is probably something like: I was too weak → others had to save me → IF they get injured or worst case someone dies bc of it, it is his fault → Cuz they had to save HIM. Because this again is a comon pattern when it comes to Anxiety and Depression.

which leads me to the next point;

Overcompensation with strength and the fear of weakness

My last point. A simple but sad one.

Uvo simply feats of being weak. So he purely focuses on physical strength and mastering his nen as an enhancer.

"If I am too weak, I just need to get stronger, right?"

Because he is an enhancer, he would probably think this simple. And even if we look at it from a depression perspective; A quick way out and taking the first idea to not waste any more time. Especially since Uvo does not seem to be much of an overthinker.

He had emptiness and many questions inside him and his first instinctive answer was strength. As simple as that.

gosh this was a lot- but I warned you before so don't blame me LOL

I hope I was able to explain my thought about him and how I look at him :) I will maybe do a second part, focusing on the "death wish" part I talked about earlier! We will see, no promises.

Feel free to tell me your opinion on this! I would love to hear them 🤍

[seilon]

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