#evening plans: walk. music. dinner. try and do a little creative work. sleep. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

joheunsaram · 4 years ago

Text

To Make A Power Couple - 02 (knj)

Chapter 2 - Pizza and Life Chats

THIS IS A REPOST SINCE I LOST ACCESS TO MY OLD ACCOUNT. PLEASE FOLLOW THIS BLOG FOR UPDATES ON THIS SERIES.

previous | masterlist | next

Summary- Namjoon and Y/N go on their first date, and Namjoon is whipped.

word count- 5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- pg13 for now

genre- series, fluff, eventual smut, strangers2lovers

warnings- mentions of hangovers and panic attacks, tooth-rottingly fluffy

a.n- okay here’s the second part! I wrote this up fairly quickly (don’t expect this to be the norm!). This part I wanted to kind of address the stress of overworking as a young adult (GUILTY 🙋🏻‍♀️) so sorry if it gets a little serious at parts. I also wanted to switch it up so it’s from Namjoon’s perspective. I hope you enjoy it. SOFT JOON BEING A BIG OLD SOFTY.

Feedback much appreciated! 💕

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach, @sassyuniversitytacopeanut

Namjoon woke up startled as his phone alarm rang. He was groggy and his splitting headache made him nauseous. “I’m never going to drink again”, he mumbled. He groaned as he got off the couch he had crashed on the night before, trying not to trip over Taehyung who seemed to be dozing happily on the floor as he made his way to his room. He hadn’t stayed at the dorms in a while, preferring the quiet solitary of his own apartment nowadays, and with his hangover in full swing he felt like he was walking through a stranger’s house.

Last month was hell. He had procrastinated on his songs and none of the vocal guides were even halfway done before the due date. Every time he tried to finish a song a new one would pop up in his head and he would start on that, leading to a hard drive full of files labelled “finish soon” and “draft”, and a notebook full of scratched out scribbles. It was like his brain had decided to abandon him, deciding it had had enough of his perpetual melancholy. He had felt drained and burnt out, a husk with no creative juices left. Luckily, Yoongi and a few of the producers had taken pity on his stressed out state and lent a hand so he had been able to finish the bare minimum three days ago - before the label pressured him further. He was never more grateful for a small break.

In all honesty, he needed a way to jumpstart his brain, and get out of the routine of home, practice, meetings, studio, home. Sometimes, he almost wished he didn’t have the success he had so he could go out and let loose a little - a club, a party, anything. But the last time he went somewhere like that he got swarmed and the police had to be involved. He couldn’t risk that, not after the trouble Big Hit went to threaten media outlets a year and a half ago, when he was caught with what they called a hickey, but was actually a stress rash.

As he brushed his teeth today, however, he smiled at the mirror. Last month may have been terrible, but last night was one of the best he’d had in the past year.

When he had heard Bang PD’s team talk about how they were attending the charity gala as he met them for notes on his songs, he was intrigued. He had read about this non-profit in the paper before. They seemed to be helping bridge the gap between people through communication and that spoke to him. So much so that he had scrolled through their website multiple times, reading testimonials and almost memorizing the mission statement. They wanted to help kids learn English for free so they could communicate globally. He really liked the idea. It was hard for him to learn the language as a kid and he knew that the only reason he became as fluent as he is from the tutors his parents paid for and his obsession with American television and music. Although he didn’t need the tutoring anymore, he did enjoy talking to the in-house tutor at the company, John, from time to time and improving his skills. The fact that this company wanted to add a John to every school in Korea starting from the rural areas, made Namjoon want to meet the man behind the movement. Little did he know, he’d be meeting the girl who’d shift his idea of the ideal.

He had never been more glad to have convinced his company to let him and the boys attend an event. He had initially suggested it as a way to break the mundane before their comeback practices started and network while supporting a cause he liked. Two days ago, he wouldn’t have guessed it would have been an actual fun night leading to him nursing a headache.

He spent the next hour reliving last night as he showered and caught up on the news. He also read the messages he sent last night over a hundred times and had butterflies each time. Wasn’t he too old for butterflies? He wanted to message you again but every time he tried, he ended up overthinking it. Everything sounded forced or cheesy, and it was worse than any writer’s block. He threw his phone on the bed in frustration watching it bounce and land on the floor, before he grabbed it and pocketed it. Hopping around to get rid of his nerves, he decided to take a break from rereading the thread he already had memorized and check in with everyone. If his hangover was this bad he couldn’t imagine theirs.

Making his way back to the living room he found Taehyung now sitting on the floor, sleep still very evident on his features as he yawned and groaned. On the couch next to him sat Yoongi, holding an iced americano and staring into space. The rest were missing but he could hear a blender annoyingly whizzing in the kitchen.

“How’re you guys feeling this morning?” He asked as he sat across from Yoongi.

“This is why I don’t drink. Why did no one stop me?” Taehyung whined as he rose from the floor to leave, massaging his head.

“We tried. You were very excited to try all the disgustingly sweet drinks the hot bartender was making for you.” Yoongi replied with a sigh. “How was your date, Namjoon? You glad I forced you to go to the bar to talk to her?” he snickered, sipping his coffee before exhaling loudly in contentment.

“Honestly, I owe you big time. She was… amazing. I don’t think I’ve talked to someone that comfortably in a while” Namjoon sighed wistfully.

“I’ll add cupid to my resume,” he deadpanned. “Is she tolerating you for another date?”

“Yeah. We’re getting dinner on Tuesday, but I want to message her now. Argh!” He ran his hands over his face in frustration. “What do I even say? ‘Hi I’m the guy who was too scared to kiss you all night so you had to do it for him, what’s your favourite colour?’” Namjoon was annoyed at himself. It’s bad enough that he was having writer’s block in his music, did he have to have it for something as simple as texting too? This was ridiculous!

“Or you could just ask her how’s her hangover today. Jeez! Do I have to draft each of your messages? Stop being a dumbass and text the person you like.” Yoongi scoffed, clearly over Namjoon’s sudden and uncharacteristic insecurities.

Namjoon gave a resigned sigh as he reached for his phone and wrote out exactly what Yoongi suggested. Hey, he was his hyung for a reason - he had a full 6 months of life experience on him.

Namjoon: Hey! Hope your hangover is not too bad today.

As soon as the message was sent, he started getting nervous. Tapping his foot incessantly while he stared at his phone, willing it to buzz, annoying Yoongi enough to leave him alone on the couch in the process.

Y/N: Hi to you too! I actually don’t get hangovers so I’m doing great lol. What about you?

Namjoon: What do you mean you don’t get hangovers?

Y/N: I don’t know. Can’t get dehydrated if you’re always dehydrated!

Namjoon: That… makes no sense. Do I need to start reminding you to drink water?

Y/N: Only if you’re better than this app on my phone…

Namjoon: I can guarantee you I’m better than any app on this planet.

Y/N: Wow. Big claims! We’ll have to put it to the test I suppose.

Y/N: You never told me how you’re feeling. Oh and how’s Taehyung? Is he okay?

Namjoon: He’s doing fine. Made a pact to never drink again and if i’m being honest, I’m going to join him. I am shocked that your head is not exploding as well.

The messages continued easily after that, filled with updates of each other’s activities, playful flirting and even photos of dinner. By the time Monday rolled around, you had been messaging each other constantly, with no end to the conversation in sight and the only long pauses being when you were both asleep or working. It seemed like you would never run out things to talk about. Namjoon hadn’t messaged someone this frequently since he got out of his last relationship. It felt nice to relay his mundane day to day events to someone and he found himself excited to hear about your mundane, like how you decided to mix two different types of bad coffee blends to make a shockingly worse one. He was surprised again at how fast he felt comfortable around you. It was even starting to scare him a little - he only knew you for three days and it felt like he had known you forever! What was this weird spell you had on him?

The conversation Monday, however, was fairly sparse, and Namjoon was eager to set up plans for the next day, so that night he decided to call you.

After the first three rings, he was overthinking his decision. Maybe it was too soon to call? Maybe you didn’t like talking on the phone? What if it went to voicemail? Would he have to leave a message? What would he say? His inner monologue was quickly halted at the sound of your voice.

“Hello, this is Y/N” you sounded distant, almost too formal. He felt nervous.

“Hi… uh… this is Namjoon. Is this a bad time?”

“Oh Namjoon! Sorry I didn’t check who called when I picked up!” Relief washed over him at the change of your tone. “Sorry one sec can you hold on.” he heard you say as your voice got mumbled. He waited while he heard you talk to someone about proposals and deadlines. Were you still at work? He checked his watch - it was 10 pm. He didn’t know whether to be impressed by your work ethic or worried that you were overworking.

“Hi sorry about that! How are you?” He relaxed at your airy tone and smiled.

“I’m good. Are you still at work?”

“Yeah it’s only like 7 so it’s no big deal. I usually leave around 8” Were you serious?

“Y/N… It’s 10:04…” He was shocked at how nonchalant you sounded, and suddenly he had his answer - he was worried, not impressed. He had known you for three days and already you were setting his caretaker alarm off. He wanted to scold you for being careless and overworking, like he’s used to doing for the boys, but he knew it was too soon. He doesn’t even know why he’s feeling that way all of a sudden and tried to suppress his protective instincts.

“No it’s not! It’s…” He could hear your voice going further away as he imagined you moving the phone in front of you to check the time. “Oh shit you’re right. What the hell? Okay sorry I’m gonna put you on hold again.” Before he could say anything he heard your voice again, distant again but loud. “Oh my god. Guys, it’s 10pm. Go home! Why did nobody tell me? No it doesn’t matter we can do that tomorrow. Please go home. Pack up now! You too Siwon, don’t worry I’ll go home after I get off the phone. See you!” He smiled at the sternness of your tone - it reminded him of a teacher dismissing class.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize I overworked my team. Had to send the troops home” you laughed and Namjoon felt his heart flutter.

“I don’t wanna keep you from going home. I can call you back once you get there,” he offered. He felt bad that you were staying in an empty office on his account.

“Oh don’t worry about it. It was a lie to get Siwon off my back. I’m probably gonna be here till like 1 or something. I still have to get this done” you said matter-of-factly, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He knew that tone fairly well, having used it multiple times himself when he locked himself in his studio, running on nothing but coffee and energy bars.

“Okay I know we’ve only just met and we have our first date tomorrow, but do you want some company?” He asked before he could stop himself. The line was silent for a bit, and he felt self conscious, scared that he had overstepped and driven you away. Before he could check his phone to see if you had hung up you spoke.

“It’d be pretty boring for you to watch me just type away. Are you sure? It’s pretty late.” He was sure his cheeks would hurt from how wide he smiled.

“It’s not a problem at all. I was going to work tonight too.” He wasn’t. “We can just work together. I’ll bring food. Did you eat yet?” his words tumbled over each other.

“How very college of you.” He could hear you giggling on the line. “Now that I think about it - I’m starving.”

“Okay text me the address, I’ll be there soon.”

He had never been this excited to pretend to work.

He spotted you as he walked through the doors of the 13th floor, pepperoni pizza in hand. You were sitting at a long desk near the middle of the room. He was surprised as he expected you in an office, but he found you typing away at your desktop. Your hair was tied up in a bun and you were dressed in an oversized beige t-shirt, eyebrows furrowed head bopping to the hip hop track playing through the speakers. You seemed to be in your own little world. He felt like he was spying on you as he leaned against the door watching but he also liked seeing how you acted when you thought no one was watching. He was about to announce his presence when the track changed to a Childish Gambino one and you whooped and started to rap along.

You were now fully head banging and rapping the verse at the top of your lungs. He would be impressed by your fairly good amateur skills if he didn’t find the entire scene so endearing. His heart was doing somersaults as he watched you now fully engrossed in the song, typing forgotten as you got up and started to pretend you were on stage, an imaginary mic in your hand asking haters if they “eatin’ though”. You looked so adorable that he couldn’t help but squeal a little “cute!”

That’s when you saw him, eyes wide. He felt a little bad when he saw how embarrassed you looked, immediately stopping and slapping a hand to your mouth before bursting out in nervous laughter. He could write a whole album with that laugh. Oh he was so whipped, he thought to himself as he made his way to you.

“You know you’re not half bad!” He exclaimed as he set the pizza on the table, pulling a chair next to yours and settling down.

“Do you think your fake compliments will save you from the fact that you were spying on me?” you asked, crossing your hands across your chest, pretending to scowl but failing to do so.

“First, real compliment. Second, would pizza save me?” He opened the box and proudly smiled, loving the way your eyes lit up as you reached for a slice.

“Yes it will!” you exclaimed as you took your first bite, lightly moaning at the taste. “But erase that memory from your brain please.”

“Nope. Never. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m going to save it forever” he said as he also started on his slice. You pouted up at him, cheeks puffed and it took all the self-control he had to not kiss it off your face. He hadn’t felt this way in so long, it was like you were his first crush. Trying to control his pulse, he asked “What are you working on so late?”

“Oh I have a proposal due for a meeting tomorrow at noon and I’m only halfway through it,” you frowned wistfully at the screen as if willing it to type on its own.

“Can I help?” He asked, knowing fully well that he couldn’t. He just had an overwhelming urge to make that frown disappear.

“You being here is help enough,” you smiled sincerely as you looked at him and he felt his heart explode, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he smiled bashfully. “What are you working on?”

“I have a few songs I have to finish the lyrics for. Been procrastinating” he rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled out the notebook from his back pocket.

“Can I help?” you echoed his question to which he echoed your response grinning. He wasn’t lying though. Even though he had planned to not really work, as the night progressed he found the change from his usual writing spot inspiring. Sitting next to you, the sound of the keyboard clicking was soothing leading to words pouring out of him. He filled pages as he stole glances at you concentrating on your proposal, tongue peeking from between your lips, still bobbing to the music which was now playing from your airpods instead of the speakers. He smiled at the sight, before focusing on his notebook.

After about an hour or so of hard work, he finished three songs that he had allotted himself the whole week to do. This was the most productive hour he had all month. Antsy for a break, he looked over at you and found you staring at him, a hand under your chin. As he met your gaze you smiled.

“You’re really hot when you concentrate. Has anyone ever told you that?” you commented. He was taken aback by your remark, heart fluttering at your smirking face. Not missing his chance and spurred on by the comment, he scooted closer in one sweep till your knees touched and you were face to face.

“You’re one to talk. I couldn’t stop looking at you this past hour.” Gazing into your eyes, he was amused to see your smirk disappear as it was now your turn to be shocked. He reached out and tucked a stray hair behind your ear letting his hand linger, enjoying the way you sighed as he did. “Can I make good on my promise now?” He whispered, his face centimeters away, looking at your lips. The way you bit your lower lip made him want to take you there and then. The desk looked big enough. Hell, even if it wasn’t he could make it work.

“Promise?” you whispered as he watched your eyes flutter to his lips.

“To kiss you first…” Too impatient to wait for your answer, he brought his lips to yours, relishing how soft they felt under his own. He was thrilled at you returning the kiss, deepening it as you grabbed the collar of his shirt to bring him closer just like you did after the party. He was beginning to think this was your signature move, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t immensely turn him on. He moved his hand cupping your face to rest on your neck and he could feel your heartbeat mimicking his. He put his other hand around your waist pulling you closer, wanting to be as close to you as he could get. He traced his tongue over your lips, his head cloudy with endorphins as you opened your mouth inviting him in. He had never tasted something so euphoric, his tongue exploring yours in a rush.

He could feel you pushing forward as he leaned back and allowed you to straddle his lap, your legs on either side of the chair. As soon as you were on his lap, he pulled you closer, both arms around on your hips, your chest flushed with his. He kissed the side of your mouth as he made his way down your jaw to your neck. You smelt like vanilla mixed with a fresh flower garden, and he was sure this smell was better than any drug in the world. He could hear your breathy moans as he sucked where your neck met your collarbone, licking to soothe it before moving further. He wanted to taste all of you. Your hands were in his hair and each tug made him groan into you, making him harder. He could kiss you like this forever. He wanted to save this moment so he could come back to it and relive it. He traced his hands up and down your sides, moving under your shirt but remaining on your waist, enjoying the feel of your soft skin.

“Namjoon… Namjoon… slow down” he heard you say breathlessly as he felt a slight push. He looked up at you, your eyes half lidded and lusty as you grabbed his face and brought it to yours. You were sending him mixed signals, but he didn’t care as long as he could keep kissing you.

“We have to slow down or I’m going to want to fuck you right here.” You whined as you both came back up for air, but you kissed him again nevertheless. Hearing you say that made him want to do anything in his power to make that happen.

“I don’t mind, baby,” he said against your lips, kissing you with urgency, biting your lower lip and pulling it gently to elicit another moan from you. To his disappointment, you seemed to have better self-control than him as you pushed him back, both of you panting as you struggled to catch your breath. He moved his hand back to your hips tracing little circles, feeling comforted by you smoothing his hair you had pulled earlier.

“There are cameras here. I’d rather not make a sex tape on our first date.” You giggled as you pointed to the black sphere in the corner of the room. He had never hated the obsession buildings had for security more, but the crudeness of your comment made him laugh. He had almost forgotten this was your first date, it felt like he had kissed you a thousand times before. You tasted like the relief of an awning in the middle of a summer downpour.

“I think we need to cool down,” you say as you climb off of his lap. “Let’s go.”

He followed you as you led him to the little kitchenette near the end of the room, unable to resist the urge to wrap his hands around your waist in a back hug. He knew he was being too clingy for a first date, but the way you giggled and put your hands over his gave him assurance.

“Lemonade, coke, or water,” you asked as you peered into the fridge.

“You.” He smirked kissing your neck, feeling bold off of the high from your makeout session.

“Joon!” you pretended to sound scandalized as you turned in his arms, smiling warmly. The nickname made his heart swell. It added a familiarity that he didn’t know he missed from you.

“You haven’t called me Joon before. I like it” he smiled as he pecked your lips.

“Hey! We are cooling down! No kissing! Now pick” you chided and Namjoon couldn’t help but wonder if you were this assertive in bed too, a million scenarios playing in his head. Okay, you were right, he needed to cool down.

“I’ll just have water, thanks,” he said as he grabbed the bottle you passed him, opening and gulping half of it. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was for something other than you. You both made your way to the tables, sitting across from each other.

“So did you finish your proposal?” He asked trying to cool himself but failing as he noticed you running the cold water bottle against your neck, the beads of condensation dripping on your shirt. He cleared his throat as he tried to focus his attention on your eyes, a mantra of stay focused playing in his head.

“Yes! Finally! It’s perfect.” you smiled proudly and somehow he felt a wave of pride too. “What about you? Made any progress?”

“Actually yes. I kind of finished my entire week’s writing in that one hour” he was still amazed by his own progress.

“Okay, Mr Overachiever” you joked and he chuckled.

“To be honest, I didn’t think I’d be able to write anything, but I don’t know your presence is kind of soothing. It helped me focus.” Watching your smile grow wide, he continued, “I’ve been having pretty severe burnout this past month and it has just been hard to put down my thoughts, even non-lyrical ones.” He fidgeted with the water bottle as he looked at it, avoiding eye contact.

He didn’t know why he was telling you this. He recalled when he told you about his struggles as a leader during your first conversation. Somehow being around you led him to vomit out his feelings. It was… unlike him. Namjoon was usually not this honest on dates, or relationships, as much as he would hate to admit it. That’s the reason he broke off his last one. He felt bad lying to her about a busy schedule when he just wanted to be alone. She would have understood, she was kind and thoughtful, but it just felt easier to lie and not put the effort in to explain his thoughts. Even when they broke up, he lied and told her that it was because he couldn’t handle being in a relationship at the moment, when in reality things had cooled off a while ago and he felt guilty as his feelings faded.

He felt your hand reach out and grab one of his, intertwining your fingers. He felt comforted by the gesture as you rubbed your thumb across him before you spoke two words that warmed his heart. “I understand.”

“You know it’s hard to work at full speed all the time. It’s okay to not be at a hundred all the time. The valleys feed the peaks” you continued. It was a simple remark, but it sounded surprisingly poetic to him. He hadn’t felt this understood outside of the boys for a long time. It was refreshing. It was terrifying. He resisted his natural urge to run and hide.

“Are you speaking from experience?” he asked, needing to divert the attention away from his own vulnerabilities.

“Yeah. I had it pretty tough a couple of years ago. Too much pressure from myself, too many expectations. Led to too many vices and panic attacks” you shrugged as you continued and he squeezed your hand to comfort you. “It creeps up from time to time but my therapist and I have it handled” He looked at you in awe. You hadn’t given him a throwaway answer or switched the limelight back at him. You wasted no time in being as vulnerable as him, if not more. He knew at that moment that regardless of where this thing went, he wanted you to know you better.

“Thank you for being honest.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it gently. It was an intimate gesture but he wanted you to know how much he appreciated your words - how much he appreciated you - in that moment. You both sat in comfortable silence for a little while, playing with each other’s hands that were still intertwined, till one of you yawned loudly causing the other to giggle. With the weight of the conversation lifting, you both fell back into playful banter as you decided to pack up and call it a night.

“Do you want me to walk you to your car?” Namjoon asked, wanting to drag the night on longer despite it already being almost 2 am.

“Don’t judge me but I actually don’t know how to drive. I was just going to cab back.” he saw you giggle bashfully as you pulled your backpack over your shoulders.

“Oh, no judgment here! Me neither” he laughed. Why does everyone think it is such a big deal to not drive? It’s better for the environment! “Do you want to take one together? I don’t really want you to ride alone this late.” He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he didn’t come off as if he was trying to dictate what you did.

“I’d really like that,” you said as you walked towards the elevators. He held your hand as you both got on, liking the way you moved closer to him at that.

In the cab you both sat closer than necessary, his arm wrapped around you as you both made plans for your scheduled date later that day, trying not to doze off. When the cab stopped all too soon at your apartment, he kissed you gently as he told you how much he enjoyed your company.

That night laying in bed, his heart felt full as he read your goodnight message. He was sure of it now. He really wanted you in his life.

previous | masterlist | next

174 notes · View notes

luvlyrv · 3 years ago

Text

Our Songs | Extra | Wendy x F!Reader SM!AU

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: So happy to say this series is completely finished now!! Enjoy!! I'm moving onto more projects and hopefully can wrap up some one shots I've been working on. This is a different style from what I usually do since it is an extra, warning that the post looks really long because it's in bulleted style lol

Date: 9/1/21

Series Masterlist

after your confession with wendy you were stuck with an enormous burst of energy

you were on cloud nine, a seemingly never-ending high

you decided not to text wendy the day right after

you didn't want her to think you regretted anything but you also didn't want to seem too clingy

also it didn't help that just thinking about her was enough to throw you into cardiac arrest

you didn't receive any notifications from wendy either

it was a bit disappointing, but you assumed she was also trying to take in the shock of it all

trying to take your mind off of wendy you spend an entire day running around your house

you pick up your instruments and have the jam of your life

emotional highs are very good for your creativity it seems

you decide to record some things and save some drafts

who knows if it'll be useful in the future?

you worked till you felt dead tired and like you couldn't have another thought in your brain

even after you spent an entire day trying to exert your nervous and elated energy you were still hesitating on texting wendy when you woke up

but you missed her so much already

so you send a text asking her how she feels

she says she feels okay, and then asks about you

'yeah, i'm okay too'

your conversation was rocky

things weren't going as smooth as before

and it was evident that it was because the both of you had no idea how to behave

you took a deep breath before texting her your question

'so, can i take you on that first date?'

you see a bubble showing that she was texting

and then it disappeared

before showing up again

and disappearing

and- ugh! your heart was racing waiting for her answer

i mean, she liked you back right? so why would she say no?

'yeah, of course! :)'

whew, okay, looked like you almost made a big deal out of nothing

little did you know wendy was freaking out

she was a bit embarrassed at herself, acting as if she was a high school kid in love or something

it took wayyy too much concentration for her to type out something sensible

but she was excited for you to finally ask

you were also excited for her to say yes

your first date is at the downtown center

there was a festival and you were hoping to enjoy all the effort the artisans put into their work with wendy

you're walking with her through the numerous stalls set up

as the both of you admire the beautiful crafts set on display your hand reaches for hers

you feel the pressure of her hand squeezing back and you look at her

she looks at you and giggles

you didn't even realize what you were doing

'oh, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to do that suddenly.' you freak out and let go of her hand

you're worried that she was laughing at you and that she didn't want to hold hands

'it's okay! i thought it was cute'

she reaches out for you and you don't let go this time

instead you enjoy how happy she seems to be sharing this moment with you

and out in public too

later on you both go to the square where there were musicians

the sun was beginning to set, allowing for beautiful lighting and you appreciated songs you've never listened to before

wendy tugs at your arm while still staring at the performers

'i hope we can perform up there someday. together.'

you smile at her as she still looks on

'i think we will.' you assure her

finally night hits and you both call it a day

you walk her to her car and stop her

you kiss her forehead

'so, will there be a second?' you ask with a smile

you feel like you already know the answer

'i think that sounds great.'

life with wendy in it became easy

you guys seldom fought

and even when you did at least one of you would make something for the other

dropping it off at the doorstep and leaving an apology note

and after enough time of cooling down you would always come back to each other, talking out your problems from before

you personally felt like your work improved as well

wendy had become your muse

you sought to create tracks that would impress her

or that would be worthy of having her voice in it

and you felt like it was easier to write lyrics

because every experience with wendy created new feelings

feelings that you could hardly describe sometimes

when you guys decided to finally start working on your second collaboration you busted out the drafts you created long ago

wendy was impressed after sitting down and listening to your drafts

'woah, how many hidden gems do you have on your computer?'

'well, these ones in particular i made on the same day. the day after i confessed to you.'

you're both flustered

because it's easy to tell the kind of state you were in by the songs

wendy takes your hand and kisses it gently as your music continued to play

'you must think of me pretty highly, if the thought of me compelled you to make something so incredible'

you heat up at her cheesiness

'oh stop it.'

the two of you end up choosing a refreshing feeling/sound for the album

'cause you recharge me every time i see you!' she says

when you guys are almost done producing the album, that was when you went on the dinner date with wendy

the one where you guys would finally confess to the world

after recording and uploading the announcement video the both of you decided to turn off your notifications and avoid reading people's reactions

instead you guys opted to spend the rest of the day baking and then watching a movie together

the both of you decided that it would be stressful to engage with your audience right away, and that's why it took a full day for you both to check your phones again

both seulgi and yeri already knew about your relationship but they both flooded you guys with congratulations anyways

they just wanted you to know they were proud of your bravery!

besides them, both of your families already knew and didn't comment much

they'd already stated how they think you're good for each other when you guys had visited together

especially your younger cousin

cause apparently she's a big fan of wendy and is definitely not using you as a way to get close to her idol

and is definitely not bragging about her how cousin is 'super super cool and famous and is dating another famous person and i think they'll be rich someday!!! so get on my nice side!'

you're happy to see that a lot of fans are happy for your relationship

wendy just keeps telling you 'of course they are, who wouldn't for a cute ass couple like us?'

it was at that point that you guys had decided to save up and move into a nice place together

you guys had talked about future plans before

not only that, but you had been practically living together already

between all the dates that lead to seemingly indefinite sleepovers

and the recent collaboration that made you guys be stuck together

it was really you guys living at each other's place weeks at a time

when you guys move in you're grateful

because you get to experience all the little things from her even more

some nights when you're stressed she rubs circles on your back to help you sleep

when you guys shower together she takes her time to carefully wash your hair

it was those deeply intimate moments that made you the happiest

both of your careers were doing really well due to the reception of your second collab and all the media fuss that happened with your dating annoucement

you both still have solo careers and interact with other musicians

but along with moving in, you guys decided to become a duo and consistently create music together

in the morning when you share breakfast you always remind her how good life is and how thankful you are

#wendy x reader #red velvet scenarios #red velvet imagines #rv imagines #rv x reader #rv scenarios #gg x reader #kpop imagines #kpop writing #kpop au #son seungwan #girl group scenarios #girl group imaines

18 notes · View notes

ghstandpucks · 4 years ago

Text

Cutting Edge ~ Nathan MacKinnon Ch.10

Chapter 10!!! Oh wow, we’re here! I was excited about this chapter, as I am with the next one! I hope you all enjoy it and let me know what you think of the series this far! I only have a few chapters left in my head to write for it, so we are getting closer to the end!

I hope you are all healthy and safe, and Happy Holidays!!! Let me know if you would like to be tagged in the series! Enjoy!

Cutting Edge Master List

Returning to Denver after Christmas, you spent most of your time at the rink after practice working on polishing your own skating again. You had been informed that all skating coaches would be performing at the upcoming NHL All-Stars weekend, and every figure skater had been sent music to choreograph a routine to. Luckily for you, choreography was one of your strong points. You had always loved putting your own routines together, and this was no exception. You had been sent the song CHAMPION by Bishop Briggs and though you loved the song, you knew your routine had to be flawless to skate to it. You were the reigning Olympic champion after all. Nate would stay most of the time with you, trying his best to be helpful and give you his opinion when you asked for it. He admittedly did not know much about figure skating though and usually just told you everything looked great, even when you knew it probably wasn’t. You appreciated his support though none the less.

Two weeks before the All-Star break was set, you found yourself traveling to Dallas as the boys had a game against the Stars. Along with the Stars came the one figure skater you could live without ever dealing with again, Ashley Wagner. Beside Nate, no one knew the animosity that was between the two of you, and you were hoping to keep it that way. You didn’t need to worry the team with a petty feud between two rival figure skaters.

You were staring out the window of the plane when you felt someone sit down next to you. Turning, you saw Nate settling into the seat as he gave you a questioning look. “You okay?” he asked. He knew you weren’t looking forward seeing Ashley, and was not sure what this new environment would bring out. You smiled and nodded, opening your book again to distract you.

Nate was worried about you. He had been watching you stress yourself out over putting together a perfect routine for the All-Stars, not to mention helping Jeremy put his together over multiple facetimes. Apparently, you were the one to come to with routine questions. He thought it was amazing, how you could take a song and within two days have a mostly completed routine laid out, he would never be that creative. But between coaching, working on your skating, and running to dress fittings at a shop you found in Denver, he had never seen you look so worn out. Nate was worried that if Ashley pushed a button correctly, you would snap. Your smile may be able to fool everyone else, but Nate had been paying attention over the two months you had been together and was starting to be able to read you like a book. Though it was comforting to you that he knew how you were feeling without even saying it; it also put you on edge. You were used to concealing your feelings behind a smile, and with Nate you couldn’t anymore.

The team landed in Dallas the evening before their game, and you enjoyed dinner with them before heading to your hotel room. You were just crawling into bed with the cooking channel on when there was a knock at your door. Opening it, Nate stepped in quickly and shut the door behind him. “What are you doing here?” you asked. When you traveled, the two of you didn’t spend time in each other’s rooms unless someone else was around to prevent any suspicion.

“No one saw me, we’re fine,” he said, placing a soft kiss on you lips. He grabbed your hand and pulled you over to the bed, getting in on his side as you did the same. “I won’t stay long,” he said gently as you rested your head on his chest. His arm that was around you started drawing absent minded figures on your waist underneath your shirt, as his other hand held yours. “I’ll leave early before anyone should be up,” he said into your hair as you both drifted off.

Around 5am, you heard Nate’s alarm go off and felt him get out of bed. He chuckled as you mumbled incoherently and deftly reached for him. “Go back to sleep,” he whispered, placing a kiss on your forehead. You sleepily watched him walk to the door and peak his head out, giggling at his large figure trying to be sneaky as he made his way out.

~ ~ ~

This was not happening. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Who does interviews before anything happens! You absentmindedly grabbed the figure skate charm on your necklace and bit your lip. You had just been told that you would be doing a pre-game interview. That wasn’t what was bothering you though. What was bothering you was that you would be doing the interview with Ashley. You knew someone had happened across your not so friendly history and planned this because you have never done an interview with any of the other skating coaches.

You were ushered to the area and sat down in front of a microphone when you were announced. Ashley walked in after, smiling brightly at you. You returned it, quickly snapping into performance mode. At first the questions were fine; how did you like being with your team, how were things going, did you miss skating yourself. Then the question came of how do you think your team will do in the game tonight. Ashley, being asked first, put on a brilliant smile that made you want to role your eyes. God she was so fake. “I think we’ll do great! I know how Y/N skates and I have prepared them for it. The Stars are a great team so we shouldn’t have a problem.” You kept your smile light, trying your best not to roll your eyes at her. The same question was then directed to you.

“I believe that the team is prepared. Similar to what Ashley said, I know how she skates and it should be a good game,” you answered. You heard Ashley snicker quietly and you had to bite your tongue. This was not the time or place to lose your temper on her. After a few more questions, you were asked to take a picture together. You had been fiddling with your necklace and didn’t pay any attention to it until you realized Ashley was looking at it.

“That’s new. Why is there a 29 on it?” she asked. You froze, but quickly recovered and turned the charm back around.

“It’s the maker of the charm,” you tried to shrug off. As you walked out of the room of the interview, Ashley followed.

“I’ve never heard of them. Where can I order one?” she pestered.

“It’s this little boutique in Denver. They don’t have a website,” you said off the top of your head.

“Well that’s too bad. Maybe you can take me to this 29 store the next time we’re in Denver?”

“Of course.” You both faked a smile at each other as you got to the hallway leading to the locker rooms. Unfortunately for you, Nate had stepped outside to see where you were. The team had seen the interview and you were taking a little long to get back. He volunteered to make sure you weren’t lost. Ashley didn’t miss him.

“What a coincidence, 29 looks like he’s looking for you,” she smirked, leaving for the Stars locker room. You walked over to Nate and started to push him back into the locker room. To say he was slightly confused was an understatement.

It was late in the third period, the score tied 1-1. The game had been highly physical, and you couldn’t help but be on edge. You were standing on the bench when the final buzzard went off, and the game was pushed into overtime. The game became even more physical if that was even possible, and you jumped as Perry checked Cale into the boards in front of you. A time out was called by the Stars, and you glanced briefly over to their bench. As you did, you saw Ashley say something to Jamie Benn, and he smirked looking your way. You saw him then eye Nate, and you had a bad feeling about it. Watching as Benn skated over to Nate, you could tell he was saying something. Nate tried his best to ignore the left winger, and you wish you could hear what was being said. The puck dropped, and as quickly as it hit the ice, gloves were also falling. You watched as Nate and Benn went at it, wanting to hide behind your hands but also not being able to look away. Without notice, you grabbed onto Tyson’s arm as he was the player you were standing behind. The bench was yelling, the crowd was cheering, and you didn’t know what to do. Watching hockey fights on tv or from the stands was one thing; but watching from the bench as the player you were dating was duking it out with another had you frozen in place.

To your relief, you saw Benn hit the ice with Nate on top and the refs scrambled to separate them. What you weren’t prepared for though was seeing Nate with a cut at his eyebrow, blood gushing from it. You unintentionally squeezed Tyson’s arm, and he turned back to you. “He’s fine Y/N,” he spoke lightly, patting your hand with his glove. Looking at him, you nodded and tried to compose yourself. Your first instinct was to run to Nate and see if he was alright, but you knew you couldn’t do that. All you could do was watch as he was escorted off the ice, his penalty longer than the amount of time left in the game. Benn had a bloody nose, and what looked like a busted lip, but that didn’t stop him from smirking over at you. You watched as Ashley tried to hide a laugh, and you were thankful that the game was about to resume or else you may have yelled something you shouldn’t. Unfortunately, a man down with Nate off the ice, the Stars scored first, effectively winning the game.

You were waiting outside the medical room wanting to see Nate as the Avs started to spill out of the locker room and head for the bus. You were in your own head, blaming yourself for the loss when you heard someone walk up to you. Looking up, you saw Tyson with a concerned look on his face. “You know he’s fine right? They probably just have to stitch up his eyebrow if anything,” he said, trying to judge your reaction.

“I feel like it’s my fault,” you whispered, tears starting to blur your vison.

“What do you mean? None of this is your fault Coach,” Tyson responded, confused as to why you were blaming yourself.

“I think he got in the fight because of me; because stupid Ashley can’t keep her mouth shut. And then we lost because we were a man down and it’s all my fault,” you swiped at a pesky tear that had fallen. Tyson wasn’t sure what to do, not entirely understanding why you were taking the loss so personally. They had lost a few times before and he didn’t think you had been this effected by it.

“You’re losing me. Why would Nate’s fight be your fault?” As Tyson finished his question, you grabbed the charm on your necklace and flipped it over to show him. You saw the moment his confusion turned into realization at what the ‘29’ was referring to. “Wait you and Mac?” he whispered, eyes wide and smile threatening to show. You nodded. “I knew it! Since when?”

“Since the home opener. But we’re keeping it quiet so you need to calm down right now!”

“Does anyone else know?” he asked, trying and failing to compose his face.

“Only Gabe and Andre on the team. Mel knows, and my best friend Jeremy knows, plus our parents but that’s it.” You said, then remembered why you were having this conversation to begin with. “But now I think Ashley knows, at least she guessed when she saw my necklace which is why this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have been playing with it which drew her attention to it and it landed on the wrong side.” You wiped angrily at another tear that fell, annoyed. You had always been a crier when you were mad though; it was how you dealt best with the emotion. Tyson went to comfort you as the door behind him opened. You looked around him and saw Nate, with the outlines of an apparent black eye and medical tape over fresh stitches over his right eye on his eyebrow ridge. You rushed around Tyson and wrapped your arms around Nate’s sternum, hugging him not caring that he hadn’t showered yet. He held you with one arm, his stuff in the other as he looked at Tyson who was smiling like an idiot.

“See you two lovebirds on the bus,” the younger man saluted and walked off. Nate stared after him confused for a second, but then seeing no one was around he bent down and planted a kiss on top of your head. You separated from him, looking up into his blue eyes.

“I’m so sorry if this is because of me,” you whispered, not bothering to stop another tear that had fallen.

“It’s fine baby. Does Josty know about us?” Nate asked, wiping a tear with the pad of his thumb. It was a risk, being this close in public. But he hadn’t seen you cry before, and he wanted to be near you after what Benn had said on the ice. You nodded and grabbed his hand, noticing he had also split one of his knuckles.

“I was freaking out because Ashley saw the 29 on my necklace and I think she figured it out and said something to Benn. I feel like it’s my fault we lost and I ended up telling Tyson.” You were looking down at your hands, then looked back up to him, your heart clenching at how concerned he looked when it should have been the other way around. “Why did you get in the fight?” you asked softly.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not your fault though. We’re a team Y/N, all of us. I screwed up and let what Benn said get to me. If it is anyone’s fault we lost, it’s mine,” Nate shook his head as you opened your mouth to protest. He really did not want to tell you what Benn had said as it had all been in regards to you. He had been vulgar, and Nate snapped. Giving your hand a slight squeeze, he continued. “I’m going to go change. Why don’t you get to the bus and I’ll see you in a bit okay?” You nodded, and Nate watched as you walked away. Though he was upset with himself for getting in a fight and subsequently losing the game, he would do it again for you in a heartbeat. And as you walked away from him toward the bus, he realized for the first time that he would do anything for you, and you were taking his heart with you piece by piece.

An hour later found you sitting against your headboard, giggling at Andre’s reaction to the Hallmark movie you had playing. He had complained about it at first, but your room your rules. He had surprisingly gotten into the plot, and was yelling at the man who mistakenly thought the main character was with someone else when he wanted to confess his feelings for her. After Chip Gate (what you loving dubbed Tyson and Cale’s chip debate after the first game), your room had become the place the team drifted to. Whether it was to conceal junk food that they shouldn’t be eating, an ear to listen to girl problems, or a comforting environment in terms of a loss on the road, you became the team’s go to person. Not to mention you had motherly tendencies and didn’t mind being there and fussing over everyone. It made you feel even more accepted as part of the team. This is why at the moment Andre was sitting on the floor leaning against the bed, Tyson had taken his usual spot laying across the foot of the bed, and Cale was sitting in the desk chair.

Before you could tell Andre to be quiet so you could hear what was being said, there was a knock at your door. Tyson got up and answered, Nate walking into the room behind him. His eye was swollen and bruising, but he seemed more relaxed as he walked over to the side of the bed and sat next to you. He put his arm around you, pulling you into his side and placing a kiss on your head. “Did I miss something?” you heard Cale speak up and you looked at Nate with wide eyes and a slight giggle.

“Dammit,” Nate mumbled. He forgot Cale didn’t know. This was the first time he thought he could be open with you, forgetting the young defenseman was still in the dark about your relationship.

“Coach and Nate are dating. Now shut up so we can see the guy stop being an idiot.” Tyson responded. “Also Coach, I hate you for making me so interested in this movie,” he complained over his shoulder.

“You know you love it,” you teased, snuggling into Nate’s side. Cale kept going between staring at you and Nate, then the tv, unsure of when this happened and how others knew. Luckily for him, the movie ended 20 minutes later and he started asking questions. You told him how you got together and asked him not say anything because you were keeping it quiet.

“Of course, but why do they know?” he asked.

“I was on the phone with Burky and Y/N sneezed in the background, and Josty just found out today because…why again?” Nate asked you.

“I was freaking out about you getting into a fight,” you answered.

“Does anyone else on the team know?” Cale questioned.

“Gabe, but that’s it. So you are now sworn to secrecy,” you said looking over at him. Cale nodded, and then turned back to the tv. After another hour the three of them left for their own rooms, leaving you and Nate alone. You turned the tv off and turned off all the lights beside one on the bedside table. Nate took his shirt off and climbed under the covers with you, the both of you on your sides facing each other. You ran your fingers gently over his swollen eye. “Do you want me to get you some ice for this, or anything?” you asked. Nate shook his head.

“No, I just want to lay here with you,” Nate grabbed your hand in his and kissed your knuckles.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, still feeling guilty over his fight, the team’s loss. Nate placed his arm over your waist and pulled you closer to him.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You were right, Ashley probably did figure it out. But I would fight anyone for you,” Nate said honestly, moving strands of hair out of your face.

“What did he say?” you asked. Nate shook his head again.

“He was being inappropriate to you. That’s why I took care of it,” he stated, and you didn’t ask any further questions. Nate was glad because he did not want to repeat the vulgar things Benn had said to him. He wishes he would have hit him a few more times just thinking about it. Nate was brought out of his thought by a soft giggle.

“You defended my honor?” you teased him. Nate chuckled and rolled his eyes at you. “My hero,” you whispered, pressing your lips to his. Nate returned your kiss, maneuvering himself so your back was flat on the bed with him hovering over you. The kiss became heated as Nate slipped one of his hands under your shirt.

“Any day,” he whispered before kissing your neck. After what became a heated make out session, you were laying with your back pressed into Nate’s chest, holding his hand that was slipped under your head as his other rested on your stomach, holding you close to him. And though you never wanted to be someone’s damsel in distress, with how protected you felt in Nate’s arms, he could defend you anytime.

Tags: @bqstqnbruin @avsfans95 @calesykar @comphybiscuit @andreiaafaria

#nhl imagine #nhl imagines #nhl x reader #nhl fic #nhl fanfiction #nathan mackinnon imagine #nate mackinnon imagine #nathan mackinnon x reader #nate mackinnon x reader #Cutting Edge

95 notes · View notes

joheun-saram · 4 years ago

Text

To Make a Power Couple (knj) | 02

Chapter 2 - Pizza and Life Chats

previous | masterlist | next

Summary- Namjoon and Y/N go on their first date, and Namjoon is whipped.

word count- 5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- pg13 for now

genre- series, slow burn, fluff eventual smut, strangers2lovers

warnings- mentions of hangovers and panic attacks, tooth-rottingly fluffy

Feedback much appreciated! 💕

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach, @sassyuniversitytacopeanut

Last month was hell. He had procrastinated on his songs and none of the vocal guides were even halfway done before the due date. Everytime he tried to finish a song a new one would pop up in his head and he would start on that, leading to a hard drive full of files labelled “finish soon” and “draft”, and a notebook full of scratched out scribbles. It was like his brain had decided to abandon him, deciding it had had enough of his perpetual melancholy. He had felt drained and burnt out, a husk with no creative juices left. Luckily, Yoongi and a few of the producers had taken pity on his stressed out state and lent a hand so he had been able to finish the bare minimum three days ago - before the label pressured him further. He was never more grateful for a small break.

As he brushed his teeth today, he smiled at the mirror. Last month may have been terrible, but last night was one of the best he’d had in the past year.

When he had heard Bang PD’s team talk about how they were attending the charity gala as he met them for notes on his songs, he was intrigued. He had read about this non-profit in the paper before. They seemed to be helping bridge the gap between people through communication and that spoke to him. So much so that he had scrolled through their website multiple times, reading testimonials and almost memorizing the mission statement. They wanted to help kids learn English for free so they could communicate globally. He really liked the idea. It was hard for him to learn the language as a kid and he knew that the only reason he became as fluent as he is from the tutors his parents paid for and his obsession with American television and music. Although he doesn’t need the tutoring anymore, he does enjoy talking to the in-house tutor at the company, John, from time to time and improving his skills. The fact that this company wanted to add a John to every school in Korea starting from the rural areas, made Namjoon want to meet the man behind the movement. Little did he know, he’d be meeting the girl who’d shift his idea of the ideal.

He had never been more glad to have convinced his company to let him and the boys attend an event. He had initially suggested it as a way to break the mundane before their comeback practices started and network while supporting a cause he liked. Two days ago, he wouldn’t have guessed it would be an actual fun night leading to him nursing a headache.

He spent the next hour reliving last night as he showered and caught up on the news. He also read the messages he sent last night over a hundred times and had butterflies each time. Wasn’t he too old for butterflies? He wanted to message you again but everytime he tried, he ended up overthinking it. Everything sounded forced or cheesy, and it was worse than any writer’s block. He threw his phone on the bed in frustration watching it bounce and land on the floor, before he grabbed it and pocketed it. Hopping around to get rid of his nerves, he decided to take a break from rereading the thread he already had memorized and check in with everyone. If his hangover was this bad he can’t imagine theirs.

“How’re you guys feeling this morning?” He asked as he sat across from Yoongi.

“This is why I don’t drink. Why did no one stop me?” Taehyung whined as he rose from the floor to leave, massaging his head.

“Honestly, I owe you big time. She was… amazing. I don’t think I’ve talked to someone that comfortably in a while” Namjoon sighed wistfully.

“I’ll add cupid to my resume,” he deadpanned. “Is she tolerating you for another date?”

“Or you could just ask her how’s her hangover today. Jeez. Do I have to draft each of your messages? Stop being a dumbass and text the person you like.” Yoongi scoffed, clearly over Namjoon’s sudden and uncharacteristic insecurities.

Namjoon gave a resigned sigh as he reached for his phone and wrote out exactly what Yoongi suggested. Hey, he was his hyung for a reason - he had a full 6 months of life experience on him.

Namjoon: Hey! Hope your hangover is not too bad today.

As soon as the message was sent, he started getting nervous. Tapping his foot incessantly while staring at his phone, willing it to buzz, annoying Yoongi enough to leave him alone on the couch in the process.

Y/N: Hi to you too! I actually don’t get hangovers so I’m doing great lol. What about you?

Namjoon: What do you mean you don’t get hangovers?

Y/N: I don’t know. Can’t get dehydrated if you’re always dehydrated!

Namjoon: That… makes no sense. Do I need to start reminding you to drink water?

Y/N: Only if you’re better than this app on my phone…

Namjoon: I can guarantee you I’m better than any app on this planet.

Y/N: Wow. Big claims! We’ll have to put it to the test I suppose.

Y/N: You never told me how you’re feeling. Oh and how’s Taehyung? Is he okay?

Namjoon: He’s doing fine. Made a pact to never drink again and if i’m being honest, I’m going to join him. I am shocked that your head is not exploding as well.

The conversation Monday, however, was fairly sparse, and Namjoon was eager to set up plans for the next day, so that night he decided to call you.

“Hello, this is Y/N” you sounded distant, almost too formal. He felt nervous.

“Hi… uh... this is Namjoon. Is this a bad time?”

“Hi sorry about that! How are you?” He relaxed at your airy tone and smiled.

“I’m good. Are you still at work?”

“Yeah it’s only like 7 so it’s no big deal. I usually leave around 8” Were you serious?

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize I overworked my team. Had to send the troops home” you laughed and Namjoon felt his heart flutter.

“I don’t wanna keep you from going home. I can call you back once you get there” he offered. He felt bad that you were staying in an empty office on his account.

“It’d be pretty boring for you to watch me just type away. Are you sure? It’s pretty late.” He was sure his cheeks would hurt from how wide he smiled.

“It’s not a problem at all. I was going to work tonight too.” He wasn’t. “We can just work together. I’ll bring food. Did you eat yet?” his words tumbled over each other.

“How very college of you.” He could hear you giggling on the line. “Now that I think about it - I’m starving.”

“Okay text me the address, I’ll be there soon.”

He had never been this excited to pretend to work.

____________________________

“You know you’re not half bad!” He exclaimed as he set the pizza on the table, pulling a chair next to yours and settling down.

“Do you think your fake compliments will save you from the fact that you were spying on me?” you asked, crossing your hands across your chest, pretending to scowl but failing to.

“First, real compliment. Second, would pizza save me?” He opened the box and proudly smiled, loving the way your eyes lit up as you reached for a slice.

“Yes it will!” you exclaimed as you took your first bite, lightly moaning at the taste. “But erase that memory from your brain please.”

“Oh I have a proposal due for a meeting tomorrow at noon and I’m only halfway through it.” you frowned wistfully at the screen as if willing it to type on its own.

“Can I help?” He asked, knowing fully well that he couldn’t. He just had an overwhelming urge to make that frown disappear.

“You being here is help enough,” you smiled sincerely as you looked at him and he felt his heart explode, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he smiled bashfully. “What are you working on?”

“I have a few songs I have to finish the lyrics for. Been procrastinating” he rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled out the notebook from his back pocket.

“Promise?” you whispered as he watched your eyes flutter to his lips.

“To kiss you first...” Too impatient to wait for your answer, he brought his lips to yours, relishing how soft they felt under his own. He was thrilled at you returning the kiss, deepening it as you grabbed the collar of his shirt to bring him closer just like you did after the party. He was beginning to think this was your signature move, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t immensely turn him on. He moved his hand cupping your face to rest on your neck and he could feel your heartbeat mimicking his. He put his other hand around your waist pulling you closer, wanting to be as close to you as he could get. He traced his tongue over your lips, his head cloudy with endorphins as you opened your mouth inviting him in. He had never tasted something so euphoric, his tongue exploring yours in a rush.

“Namjoon… Namjoon... slow down” he heard you say breathlessly as he felt a slight push. He looked up at you, your eyes half lidded and lusty as you grabbed his face and brought it to yours. You were sending him mixed signals, but he didn’t care as long as he could keep kissing you.

“I think we need to cool down,” you say as you climb off of his lap. “Let’s go.”

“Lemonade, coke, or water,” you asked as you peered into the fridge.

“You.” He smirked kissing your neck, feeling bold off of the high from your makeout session.

“Joon!” you pretended to sound scandalized as you turned in his arms, smiling warmly. The nickname made his heart swell. It added a familiarity that he didn’t know he missed from you.

“You haven’t called me Joon before. I like it” he smiled as he pecked your lips.

“Yes! Finally! It’s perfect.” you smiled proudly and somehow he felt a wave of pride too. “What about you? Made any progress?”

“Actually yes. I kind of finished my entire week’s writing in that one hour” he was still amazed by his own progress.

“Okay, Mr Overachiever” you joked and he chuckled.

“Are you speaking from experience?” he asked, needing to divert the attention away from his own vulnerabilities.

“Do you want me to walk you to your car?” Namjoon asked, wanting to drag the night on longer despite it already being almost 2 am.

“Don’t judge me but I actually don’t know how to drive. I was just going to cab back.” he saw you giggle bashfully as you pulled your backpack over your shoulders.

“I’d really like that,” you said as you walked towards the elevators. He held your hand as you both got on, liking the way you moved closer to him at that.

That night laying in bed, his heart felt full as he read your goodnight message. He was sure of it now. He really wanted you in his life.

---------------------------------------

previous | masterlist | next

#bts fic #bts x reader #bts fanfic #bts rm scenario #bts scenarios #bts #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #namjoon x you #namjoon x reader #namjoon fluff #bts rm #bts namjoon #rm x reader #rm fluff #usersuhdays

118 notes · View notes

lightandwinged · 4 years ago

Photo

Haven’t posted the bobbins in a hot minute!

The twins turn three tomorrow! I legitimately cannot believe that I’ve been doing the fulltime mom thing to twins for three whole ass years. And I have to brag a little bit about their birthday stuff because last year, Covid suddenly happening two days before their birthday derailed everything--we’d been planning to go to the aquarium in Boston and take them to a special ice cream place and just have a great time, but then plague.

And they had a good time, but I felt bad.

So maybe this year I went overboard JUST a bit, both (a) because we could afford it (Kyle’s new job is pretty sweet like that), and (b) because I wanted this year to make up for last year being meh. I know they’re too young to really remember but on the off chance that they do, I don’t want them to remember two miserable Covid birthdays. One is enough.

I made cupcakes, because they are tiny, and cupcakes are easier to individually theme than bigger cakes. Carrie loves unicorns, Isaac loves Mickey and Minnie, it was a fun thing to do.

But kiddos overall.

Sam is inching closer to SEVEN YEARS OLD WHAT, is on his third lost tooth (my favorite tooth when kids lose it because it’s the one that really makes him look like a little jack o lantern), and speaks mostly in Pokemon these days. I understand none of it, but he is OBSESSED and keeps coming up with creative ways to bring them into his day-to-day life (he’s beaten Sword about three times and is currently working his way through whatever the previous title was on the DS; his favorite vacillates day to day, but he tends to go for fire types). I’m still homeschooling him until the end of the year because everyone keeps changing their mind about when people are going back and doing what. And he’s kicking ass. Currently whizzing through very basic geometry (e.g., finding simple perimeter and area) as part of his third grade math curriculum and working on recognizing patterns in science.

We also suspect that he’s either autistic or has ADHD (per his in-home therapists as well), but wait times for official testing are L O N G. We’re having him evaluated through the school, though, so that if he doesn’t get a diagnosis before he heads back in the fall (because I love him, but I do not love teaching him), he’ll at least have an IEP already in place and be able to get any assistance he needs. And that will most likely take the form of someone breaking tasks into smaller steps, maybe giving him fidget opportunities while he’s learning (he absorbs a LOT when he’s playing with Legos), maybe taking tests separately so that he can have someone read the questions aloud to him so that he absorbs them (because he can read, but unless he also HEARS things, he absorbs nothing).

He’s a terrifyingly smart kid still, and I have no doubt that he’ll be on par with his fellow second graders next year academically. I just want him to not feel overwhelmed while working.

Isaac is slowly slowly slowly gaining spoken language. I’ve said before and stand by that I don’t care if he never speaks completely fluently, but I do want him to be able to communicate his wants and needs so that he doesn’t get frustrated so much. And he does get frustrated, but his meltdowns remain rare--they usually only happen if something he loved doing ends or if someone takes his toy or won’t give him their toy or just other typical toddler stuff (which inclines me to classify them more as tantrums than meltdowns, but eh). BUT he also communicates, not just by taking someone’s hand and putting it on something he wants, but by using words. He LOVES to talk about the cats (which are his favorite thing--cats of all types, including those in the musical) (but NOT THE MOVIE DEAR JESUS), and the other day, he very meticulously directed me to draw a picture of the three cats happily sleeping on his bed, based on his memory of seeing them happily sleeping on his bed at naptime.

He’s definitely got his drilled down special interests--cats, cars, Mickey Mouse, Daniel Tiger, and Celtic Woman (we call them his “ladies”). And he is just such an absolute sweetie. He still has the smile that basically convinces you that you would both kill and die for him (shown above), and the way he relaxes against me when he’s tired just makes me sigh and love him to absolute pieces. He’s 110% a momma’s boy, and although I hope he grows out of it when the time is right, it’s really sweet right now.

He easily qualified for special ed preschool, which I’ll talk about more in a second.

And then Miss Carrie, who basically read the rhyme about little girls being made of sugar and spice and all things nice and took it as gospel but ALSO realized that you can do all of those things while being a monster, beating up everyone who treats you wrong, and covering yourself in tattoos. I say of her that she’s too much, but in the best possible way: I want her to keep being too much forever, because it is absolutely delightful. She’s always giggling or twirling, singing or commanding her brothers in a game of pretend. She never just walks anywhere, she always prances or skips or dances or hops or jumps. She can be a screechy little spitfire one second and then brush away her angry tears and transform into a little cherub the next, and it’s hilarious. Everything ever must be pink and glittery (I promise, I did not try and force pink on her, she jumped to it on her own), must flounce out correctly when she twirls, must make her feel like a fairy tale princess.

She merrily adopts all the stereotypical “girly” things in life--Barbies, princesses, My Little Pony (yep, we’re back in that phase), unicorns, mermaids, “cute” things, etc. At the same time, she’s always game for a lightsaber fight, playing “bug” with Sammy (I don’t know what “bug” is as a game, but the kids have established rules for it and play it whenever they’re not too tired after dinner), and wrestling with her dad and brothers. It’s wonderful.

And SHE qualified for special ed preschool because her muscle tone is hilariously low (read: she flops).

The twins are starting preschool Monday because they are turning three and thus losing early intervention services. I worry somewhat about them being in school with Covid still raging (even though I’m 50% of the way to fully vaccinated--going back for Pfizer #2 on Saturday!), but it’s a huge relief that their therapies (speech, occupational, physical) are being coordinated by the school and not by me. I’m the most organized person in this house, and anyone who’s ever seen my house knows what a statement that is (it’s gotten worse since my sciatica has settled in, because bending over is just not a thing I can do without suffering), so having that burden lifted from my shoulders? Heavenly.

And I’m just overall proud as fuck of all three kids. They’re so resilient, and I know that the pandemic has been hard on them in a lot of ways, but they’re still kicking ass, still smiling and laughing and having fun, and that’s been a bright spot for the entire last year.

#parenting #sammy the small spawn #isaac doomface #little care bear #hashtag twinning #holy shit they're three #them going to school is kind of like emerging from a long hibernation

12 notes · View notes

yoddream · 5 years ago

Text

walk | l.dh

pairing: Haechan x fem!reader

warnings: car accident, blood, mentions of paralysis, angst, broken bones

summary: it all happened so fast

word count: 1,972 (ik it’s short im sorry i wanna try to think of a long story with him but im a little stuck rn)

a/n: hey y’all. i’m really sorry it’s short. there are all these ideas in my phone on what to write and this was one of them so i chose to use haechan. nobody’s sending any requests in, so i’m getting stuck with my work. i’m still working on my bad body jeno one but it’s a really long one so it’s gonna be a while. i will gladly take requests (as long as it’s not smut) so please send them in! gotta get the creative juices flowin n shit

It was easier to say what didn’t hurt rather than what did. Your legs didn’t hurt, but that was because you couldn’t feel them. It was terrifying, to keep it simple. You couldn’t even remember what had happened. You and Donghyuck were driving home from dinner with your friends. You kept your eyes on the road even though wanted to look at your best friend and admire him as he sang along to the songs that were floating from the speakers. His car was in the shop, so you were driving him home. There was a flash of lights—

Right. A car had swerved into your lane. You turned the wheel to avoid getting hit, but instead the car rolled a couple times before landing on the roof. That’s where you were now: upside down in the middle of the road. You didn’t know where the other car was, but you knew they weren’t as bad as you two.

“Y/N. Y/N!” Donghyuck shouted.

“I’m here, Hyuck,” you assured him. “I’m here.”

“Oh, thank god. I was worried you were passed out or—” He didn’t have to finish that sentence for you to understand what he had been thinking.

“Good thing I refused to leave until you buckled your seatbelt, huh?” you joked.

There was a rough chuckle. “Only you would find now is a good time to make jokes.”

You paused. “I’m scared, Hyuck.”

“I am too, but we’re gonna get out of this,” he promised you. “We’re gonna get out, we’re gonna walk away from this, and we’ll take that road trip you’ve been planning since the beginning of high school.”

“I can’t feel my legs.”

The car slowly lit up as emergency vehicles got closer. “Then I’ll wheel you away, but we’re getting out.”

“Hyuck, I’m tired.”

“No, no, no, do not close your eyes. Stay with me, Y/N. Please, stay with me,” he begged.

“I’ll try, but I really wanna sleep,” you stated.

“You’ll be able to sleep at the hospital but I need you to stay awake for me, doll. I know you can do it.”

You could hear him tell the EMTs to get you out first, but your eyes refused to stay opened. You mumbled an apology before completely losing consciousness. The last thing you remembered was the flash of yellow from a firefighter’s jacket.

///

Donghyuck wanted to see you so badly, but you were in surgery, and he had a broken arm that needed to be set before put in a cast. He knew absolutely nothing, and it was driving him insane. He and Renjun were your only emergency contacts, so the other boy was on his way to the hospital. You lost contact with your parents as soon as you had turned eighteen, tired of their disapproval with every decision you made, whether it was the friends you made or however you decided to change your hairstyle. Donghyuck and the rest of the guys were all you had.

You and Donghyuck had met in the third grade when you moved to the neighborhood. He’d immediately pulled you into his friend group consisting of Chenle, Jaemin, Jeno, Jisung, and Renjun. It was a wide variety of personalities, yet you somehow managed to get along with all of them. They felt there was no one else in the world that could cackle with Chenle one minute and have deep conversations with Renjun the next. No one could stand Jaemin’s affection as much as you, and no one could sit with Jeno for hours upon hours listening to music without speaking like you. You were the reason Jisung was able to break out of his shell and get a girlfriend, and you were the reason Donghyuck was a ray of sunshine.

“Hyuck!” He looked up and found Renjun’s head bobbing through the busy emergency room. “Hyuck, what happened? Where’s Y/N?”

“We were—we were in a car accident. It rolled. Renjun, I—” Donghyuck was at a loss for words.

“Do you know if she’s going to be okay?”

“There was so much blood. She lost so much. She’s in surgery right now, but I don’t know what they’re working on. She couldn’t feel her legs.”

Renjun’s eyes were shining with unshed tears, a rare sight. He nodded before taking his phone out, muttering something about calling the others. He was about to step away when a hand shot out and grabbed his arm. He looked up and frowned. There was fear written all over Donghyuck’s face; the boy didn’t want to be left alone at all.

The two of them sat on the bed as they waited for either the doctor or their friends to show up, whoever came first. Even though his arm was broken, Donghyuck felt numb. He just wanted to see you, to hold your hand, to hear your laugh again. He wanted all of that, but he couldn’t get it. He didn’t know if he ever would.

The guys ended up arriving at the same time the doctor needed to help Donghyuck with his arm. Renjun filled them in quickly before going to sit with him while his arm was set. He was silent through the whole thing, and the doctor seemed concerned by the lack of reaction.

“Did you feel that?” she asked.

Donghyuck shrugged. “Probably.”

“He’ll definitely feel it later,” Renjun assured her. “Right now, uh, our best friend is in surgery. We don’t know how it’ll turn out.”

She nodded in understanding. “Okay. Well, I’m going to write you a prescription for some pain medication. Take it every four hours if needed. There are no refills, so if you run out or feel you need something with less strength, take some ibuprofen.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Renjun said as he took the paper.

They headed back to the emergency room to sit with their friends as they waited for your surgeon to appear with whatever news she had. Renjun was pacing, never one to sit still. Jisung was asleep in Jeno’s lap, his whole body curled up. Chenle was playing a game on his phone to keep himself distracted, but he looked to Jisung to check on him every few minutes. Jaemin was a few feet away, trying to work the coffee vending machine. Donghyuck watched people filter in and out of the waiting room for hours until the sun rose. When he heard your name called, he stood up so quickly he almost fell over from the blood rush.

“How is she? Is she okay?” he asked as the others woke up and joined him.

“Everything went well. She lost a lot of blood, but we managed to stop it. We, unfortunately, don’t know when she’ll wake up. With all the injuries she sustained, it could range from a couple hours to a couple days,” the surgeon explained.

“What about her legs? Hyuck said she couldn’t feel them,” Renjun stated.

She paused. “One of the lumbar vertebrae was fractured in the accident, and it’s currently compressing onto her spinal cord. Right now, she’s in a brace to take some pressure of her spine, but we can’t perform any surgery until she’s well enough.”

“Can we see her?” Chenle asked.

“Unfortunately, only family can.”

“We are her family,” Donghyuck said.

“I understand that you’re worried, but unless you’re her actual family—”

He cut her off. “Damn it, she doesn’t have family! We’re all she has!”

A silence fell upon the whole room, and it took him a couple seconds to realize what he’d done. He started apologizing profusely, but she simply smiled and shook her head.

“Don’t worry, I get it. I’ll let the nurses know that you all are considered family.”

She gave them directions to your room. They didn’t hesitate to rush down the hallway, but not before yelling out their thanks. When they reached your room, it took them a moment to realize that they were looking at you. Your face was covered in bruises, and there were quite a few butterfly bandages on your cheeks and forehead. Your arms were wrapped in gauze, and your torso was in a giant brace. You were almost unrecognizable.

Donghyuck grabbed a chair and dragged it to your bedside. He reached out his good hand and grabbed your own, careful of the cuts that were on your skin. Jaemin grabbed the other chair, letting Jeno sit on the arm of it. The others stood at the end of the bed, seemingly scared to step closer.

“Jesus, Y/N. What the hell have you gotten yourself into?” Jeno mumbled.

The only response was the rise and fall of your chest.

///

It was a process trying to wake up. First, you felt the pain in your back. Next, you heard the heart monitor that you were strapped to. Then, you smelled the sterile air of the hospital. Finally, you opened your eyes, squinting against the sunlight. You looked around and spotted Jaemin and Chenle sitting by the window. Chenle looked over first, a wide smile stretching across his face.

“Hey, you’re awake!” he announced.

Jaemin’s head whipped around, his eyes wide with shock. He grinned as well and walked over. His hand reached up to push the hair from your face as he asked how you were feeling. You whined in discomfort, knowing he understood to an extent how much pain your back was in. As glad as you were to talk to them, there was somebody more important you needed to see.

“Where’s Hyuck?” you asked. When they didn’t answer right away, you started to panic. “Where is he?”

“I’m right here.”

You looked to the door and sighed with relief when your eyes landed on your best friend. His arm was in a cast and sling, and there were a few cuts and bruises on his face, but he was otherwise okay. He rushed forward and hugged you as gently as he could before pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Told you we would make it out of there,” he mumbled.

“Yeah, sounds like I might walk away too,” you replied.

When he pulled away, there was a fond smile on his face. “Good, because you’re heavy.”

Gasping, you reached out to hit his good arm. He yelped and whined about how it wasn’t fair, but you rolled your eyes and called him a big baby. He turned to complain to Chenle and Jaemin, but to your surprise, they were gone.

“Huh. Wonder when they left,” you commented.

Sitting down, Donghyuck took your hand in his and squeezed lightly. “You really scared me, you know.”

You nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to get hit, so I turned the car so I would—”

“Wait, what?” His eyes widened in surprise at your words.

“When—when the car hit us. I turned the car so it would hit me,” you admitted.

He frowned, his eyes glistening with tears that you knew he would do his best to hold back. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I love you, dumbass.” After what you’d gone through, you didn’t want to hold it in anymore. “I love you so fucking much. If you died, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

“And you think I would’ve just lived my life like nothing?” he argued. “No, no way. I would be absolutely crushed. So don’t go talking like my heart wouldn’t be broken if I lost my other half.”

He kissed the back of your hand and added, “As soon as you’re out of here, I’m dating you so hard. I’m talking fancy dinners with candles and everything.”

You tried to fight back the smile that was threatening to spread across your face, but it couldn’t be stopped. “Good, because I don’t want anyone else to.”

231 notes · View notes

sylvanfreckles · 4 years ago

Text

Just Dudes Being Bros

I’m not even sorry for this. Not even a little.

I started this around the same time I wrote “Taking It Slow”, but left it half-finished and abandoned in my hard drive until now. After the crazy day I had, though, I just had to do something.

Summary: All in all, Sam was really glad that Dean had a best friend like Castiel. They were happy, he was happy...as long as everyone was happy, what was there to worry about? (Five times Sam appreciate Dean and Cas’s friendship...and one time he finally got the hint.)

* * *

(1)

They didn't often go shopping together, partly because Dean usually had meticulous list of what he needed while Sam made more of a vague plan and they drove each other crazy. But Cas wanted to go shopping and Sam needed to pick up some things for himself...so Dean decided it was time for a family outing.

That was strange. Normally Dean would have just handed Cas his list and told him to stick to it, then disappeared deeper into the bunker to beat his frustrations out on a boxing dummy. Though Sam didn't know why Dean would be frustrated that Sam and Cas were going shopping together. He could have come along any time.

He was glad that the former angel had talked Dean around to this trip, though. It turned out to be fun to go together, even if Dean and Cas spent most of the time whispering to each other and holding hands while Sam pushed the cart.

Man, he hadn't held hands with a best friend in a long time. First grade maybe? It must be nice to be that close to someone, to have a best friend who would hold your hand out in public no matter how old you were. Dean was over forty, and Cas was literally thousands of years old (if not millions—but by best guess Jimmy Novak would have been forty-three, so they went with that usually), but their friendship was just so deep they didn't care who saw them holding hands.

Sam made eye contact with an older woman who was watching his brother and his brother's best friend walking down the aisle. She was smiling fondly, so he gave her a friendly nod. “Aren't best friends the best?” he asked.

He never really understood why she gave him such a funny look.

(2)

They'd obviously gone way, way off the list at the store, but for once Dean didn't seem to mind. Cas had talked him in to buying some exotic ingredients, listing out recipes he'd been wanting to try ever since he became human.

It was adorable. Sam remembered having a best friend he could share hobbies with. Granted, it had only been for a few weeks before Dad dragged them to another city, but it was a good few weeks. Dean always loved cooking so much, at least he had someone he could share that with now.

Sam settled down in a chair in the kitchen, not wanting to lose the warm, familial atmosphere from their shopping excursion. Dean was carefully tying an apron on Cas, smoothing it down over his chest and adjusting the neck strap behind his collar. It was probably Cas's first time wearing an apron like this, so it was so sweet of Dean to make sure his best friend was wearing it properly.

Then two of them bent their heads together over a battered cookbook they'd found at a second-hand bookstore. From what Sam could hear they were going to attempt to make breaded chicken cutlets, and as he watched Dean carefully talk Cas through each ingredient he started to appreciate the effort his brother put into cooking a little more.

They had to pound the chicken breasts flat, and apparently Cas was wielding the meat tenderizer wrong as Dean stepped up behind him and wrapped his arms around the former angel to guide his hands. From his perch at the table Sam could see how Dean had his hands around Cas's wrists and murmured instructions into his ears as they pounded the chicken together.

That was nice. Dean was stepping out of his comfort zone, leaving his personal space behind to teach his best friend how to prepare a chicken cutlet for breading. Sam was pretty sure Dean could have taught Cas without standing so close to him, but maybe there was a secret technique that required that much physical contact.

He rested his chin in his hand and sighed. If only he had a best friend like that.

(3)

Another thing Sam could appreciate about Dean and Cas's friendship was the way the former angel was opening his brother's mind to different kinds of music. Not that Sam had much of a grudge about the copious amounts of mullet rock Dean kept in his car, but it was nice to listen to some classic jazz or new age or something like that.

Cas had found a huge stash of vinyl records in one of the storage rooms and was slowly working through them while the three of them researched or worked around the bunker or just hung out together. Sam had heard Cas humming along and swaying with the music, and when he glanced at his brother he usually saw Dean watching Cas with a fond smile on his face.

Man. It must be great to watch your best friend discover the world like that. Hearing music with human ears for the first time, discovering the sounds he liked best...Sam started to wonder if he should find new music to introduce Cas to, so the former angel didn't feel like Sam cared about him less than Dean did.

They had been researching some Native legends about the mounds near Medicine Creek when Cas abruptly pushed himself to his feet, holding one hand out to Dean. Sam watched in amusement as his brother took the offered hand and was pulled into a dance. Arms twined around each other, swaying to the music, Cas softly singing in Dean's ear (though a little out of tune, but that was okay).

As Sam watched Cas lifted his hand and spun Dean around, then pulled him into a ballroom-style dip that had Dean crinkling up his eyes with laughter.

Man. Sam had danced with his best friend once before, when Dad had actually stayed around long enough for them to go to one of the school's dances. He'd been tutoring Chelsea in geometry and they went to the dance as part of their friend group, and she'd tugged him out on the floor to dance. He still remembered stepping on her feet.

Dean and Cas weren't stepping on each other's feet as they continued the dance. Maybe that was just because they were such good friends.

(4)

Sam couldn't believe it. Dean and Cas were having a movie night to watch Akeelah and the Bee. He was so used to the Dean Cave being filled with the sounds of gunshots and horses and explosions he almost didn't recognize it.

Cas invited him to join, though Dean looked a little disgruntled. Sam didn't understand why, it wasn't like he was going to take up too much space—not with Dean and Cas sharing the love seat like that. That left the big, comfy arm chair all for Sam, and he felt so bad he offered to swap with Cas so the oldest member of their family could have the most comfortable spot...but the look Dean shot him made him change his mind.

After all, the former angel was still relatively new to experiences like watching a movie together. He probably just wanted to sit with his best friend for something like this—maybe Dean was going to comfort him through any intense scenes.

Sam was so entranced by the story of a young girl from South Los Angeles trying to make it to the National Spelling Bee he didn’t really notice that Dean and Cas weren’t really paying attention. They seemed to be discussing something, judging by how close their faces are.

Dean's probably explaining spelling bees to Cas. Man. Sam had this best friend once, when he was in sixth grade, who tried to get him to participate in the school's spelling bee. Sam had refused, knowing his father would be pulling them out of the school all too quickly to head off to the next hunt.

He wished he had a best friend who encouraged his interests in academic competition, the way Akeelah had Dylan and Javier. Or the way Dean had Cas, as Sam had once seen the former angel reciting poetry to Dean, obviously trying to awaken the older Winchester's literary interests.

Funny. Sam hadn't recognized the poem. Maybe Cas had written it himself, and was trying to encourage Dean to try new outlets for creativity.

He didn't know why Cas would be reciting a love poem for Dean, anyway. That was a weird thing to do with your best friend.

(5)

The cooking lessons, so far, had been a success—so Sam was a little disappointed when he learned Dean and Cas wanted to go out and have dinner by themselves.

It made sense, he supposed. Sometimes you wanted to do something with your best friend without your brother. He remembered plenty of times he hadn't wanted Dean hanging around...okay, maybe a couple of times. Dean was ditching Sam more often than not, though that was usually to hang out with a girl. Not a best friend. But times changed, and they all got older, and the two of them had always had that whole “profound bond” thing going.

Man. He supposed the two of them had earned it. Sam remembered all the times Dean and Cas had let something get in the way of their friendship and how miserable his brother was during those times. It was almost weird, almost more like the time Sam had to leave his first girlfriend rather than all the times he'd gotten pulled away from his best friend.

But as Dean and Cas prepared to leave—Dean wearing a new, light-blue button-up that matched Cas's eyes and Cas wearing those dark jeans that always made Dean swallow and look away (Sam didn't understand why his brother was so bothered by the former angel wearing tight jeans)—Sam tried to wave them off with a smile.

It was just one night a week, he rationalized. A man had to have private time with his best friend once a week, right? And as long as Dean didn't drag Cas around to dive bars or teach him to hustle pool or try to dine-and-dash or anything like that, Sam couldn't see the harm in it.

He didn't understand why Dean glared at him when he tried to give Cas advice on hooking up at the bar.

(+1)

Sam wandered into the library, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He'd been up researching way too late and hadn't heard Dean and Cas get back from their weekly guys' night out. He hadn't heard them leave either, but they always went out on Wednesdays. He supposed it was some kind of best friends' trivia night somewhere.

To his surprise, they were actually in the library. He was about to open his mouth to greet them when he finally registered something strange about their behavior.

They were wearing pajamas, which wasn't strange in and of itself, but the pajamas were mismatched. Cas's shirt obviously went with Dean's pants, and Dean was just wearing an athletic undershirt that showed off his biceps and collarbone. But even that...that wasn't they weirdest thing.

Cas was sitting in Dean's lap. He was straddling it, actually, with his arms around Dean's neck.

They were kissing. And not the way best friends sometimes did, when you swore to your younger brother that it was just practice and didn't really count. Not the kind he gave you ten bucks to forget about before Dad came home. This was the real kind, the kind you saw from two people who maybe loved each other more than just as best friends.

Sam's jaw fell open as finally...finally...the pieces fell into place.

“Oh my god! You guys are gay!”

(There would later be a discussion that actually as a former interdimensional being Cas was Pan, and Dean was Bi, but at least Sam was finally on the right track. Man. He wished he had a best friend to fall in love with and live happily ever after.)

11 notes · View notes

fanfics-arent-therapy-but-idc · 4 years ago

Text

JATP FANFIC

Juke

Fluff

Oneshot

Time and Space

Julie and the boys decide to take a break from the band while Julie gets her bearings at college while they go and explore. Turns out that kindred spirits don’t take well to time and space.

Julie sat on the black swivel chair at the studio, back slightly arched over a keyboard as she recorded a new part to the chorus of a song she was working on. She hummed the lyrics lightly allowing her fingers to make what she heard in her head come to fruition. “Perfect” , she said once she added the keyboard to the song and replayed it. The song was mostly pop with a little bit of soul. It was right on brief as far as she was concerned, but the professors at Berklee were no joke. She just hoped that she did enough for an acceptable grade. After saving the song on her drive, she made her way to her room on 150 Massachusetts avenue. Her roommate, a dance major from Brazil, wasn’t going to be home until 11:00pm, meaning that she had two hours of alone time.

She entered the cozy room with a smile. Alana had turned on the L.E.D fairy lights and she could also smell the faint floral scent of the oil diffuser. She must have done this before she met up with her friends for their weekly Friday dinners . Julie locked the door, sat on her desk, and scribbled a note of gratitude, ending the note with a new Portuguese phrase that she’d picked up from her, “te amo muito”. After placing it on her bed, she began her nightly routine: shower, sing in the shower, wear her comfy pajamas(which consisted of an old, ripped up T-shirt that she had stolen from Luke years ago, and fluffy reindeer pajama pants), check her phone for messages, find out that she didn’t receive any, and ultimately sit on her bed for another hour with her notebook and a pencil. She usually felt most creative around this time, but tonight was not one of those nights. She stared at her phone that was all too proud to showcase her embarrassingly empty notifications list.

At first, the band came to the decision to go on hiatus for Julie’s sake. They had spent every hour of everyday together for two and a half years, cultivating a loyal following and making great music. A needed break, just so Julie could focus on school, was the logical move. Ever since they materialized as real people, they hadn’t spent much time exploring this new world. This was their chance. She mostly attributed the lack of communication to the fact that they probably still had no clue how to use smartphones and ignored the very plausible idea that they might have needed a break from her. She and Flynn spoke more often, but she was easily busier than Julie over at Northwestern with her double major in Performance studies and Film and Media studies.

Sigh. Julie fell backwards onto her bed and closed her eyes, remembering the day she left for Boston. It was still super hot in California, but she had a sweater stuffed into her carry-on for when she landed on the East Coast. The boys drove a separate car that contained most of her luggage, while her Dad, Flynn, and her brother were in another car, blasting the radio. Her father singing the loudest, trying to drown out the pang in his chest, Julie assumed. She was excited to go to college, but she would miss her hometown, her family, Flynn, and the boys. When they parked, the boys insisted on carrying all of the luggage. She had to wrestle Reggie to hold on to her carry-on. The boys wondered at everything they witnessed, none of them having taken a flight anywhere before dying. She distinctly remembers the way Luke smiled and waved at the troupe of pilots walking past them and towards their respective flights. When it was time for her to pass the threshold, her dad broke down, silent tears breaking through. “Mom would be so proud of you”, he assured her. Now it was Julie’s turn to cry. She hugged them all one more time, Luke last of all.

“Hey”, he started, “don’t forget about us when you become a cool, super smart, college student”. Julie laughed so hard that she startled the entire waiting area full of people.

“I promise that I won’t. And just because the band’s taking a break… that doesn’t mean you can’t call, or text, or video call. Don’t be a stranger.”

“Of course, once I figure out how to do that video call thing you’ll be seeing this face once a day”, he promised. Julie laughed again, wiped her tear-stained cheeks, and boarded her flight.

That was three weeks ago. The first time he video called her, the connection was poor, and they couldn’t hear each other. The second time he tried to call, she just got an embarrassingly bad grade on an exam that she had spent all night studying for in addition to being days behind on a project in the very same class. Julie lay in bed cringing at the memory of that afternoon.

“Hey Julie! woah, are you crying? What’s going on are you oka- “

“No- I mean I was, but I- I’m good now, just busy”,

“Oh. Well, what’s up?”

“Uh, nothing much honestly. Just… yeah just super busy”

“Julie, do you need me to hang up?”

“I’m so sorry, but yes. I’m just-”

“Busy? Got it. See you later”

She felt physically ill remembering that day. She had half a mind to text him an apology, but some sort of self-preservation setting inside of her stopped her every time. Knowing Luke, he’d probably texted everyone that she was super busy and not to be disturbed. Maybe that’s why she’s been left on radio silence for a week. Her dad even downsized from his daily calls and he always kept them under ten minutes; even if she insisted that she had more time. She was just about to call it a night when her phone vibrated. She froze. Don’t get too excited. It’s probably from one of your professors.

It wasn’t. Julie blinked and turned the brightness all the way up on her phone. The message read:

🎶Luke🎶: Hey, are you busy?

Julie was quick to respond:

You: No, not at all. Wanna talk?

Just as the little notification popped up to indicate that her message was delivered, there was a knock on her door. She assumed that it was Alana coming home early. She frequently forgot her keys so it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility, but who she opened the door for was completely unexpected.

“Dad! Carlos! What are you doing here?” Standing in front of her door was her dad and brother. She hugged them tightly and to more of her surprise, just outside the doorway was Flynn, Alex, Reggie, and Luke, standing humbly behind everyone else.

“Don’t be mad at us”, Alex said, “Luke made it very clear that this surprise could not be spoiled under any circumstances”.

“But we’re not that good at keeping secrets,” Reggie added.

“So you all decided to ghost me?” she questioned.

“Sort of”, Alex responded quietly. They were all looking at her. Wondering if they had made a grave mistake and if she would slam the door in their faces. She wouldn’t.

“Well… the risk was worth it. I am officially surprised!” she whispered, realizing that her fellow, sleep-deprived, students would not appreciate the interruption. The look of relief on everyone’s face was hilarious.

“Come on everyone, let’s get out of this hallway. I know a good 24-hour diner just around here. They have seats big enough for all of us”, Julie suggested.

“That sounds great Julie, but please tell me that you're getting changed first?” Flynn asked.

Julie remembered that she was in her ‘comfy clothes’. Clothes consisting of Luke’s shirt and Christmas pajamas. “Uhhh, yeah. Give me a minute”. She shut the door, jumped into a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a sweatshirt. “Okay, now I’m ready! Let’s go”.

The walk to the Diner was short, but Julie had learnt a lot. Carlos just started a photography club at his school, Flynn’s roommate, Justine, has an aunt who owns a hair salon, meaning discounted box braids all year. She was really excited about that. Reggie has been surprising fans at local cafes with acoustic versions of the band’s best hits. Alex has been holed up in every museum and library in California and Dad was up to the same old stuff, taking photos, cooking, and whatever old people do, Julie added to her dad’s protest.

“I am not old”, he responded as he pushed open the Diner doors. The place was pretty clean to most city-dwellers standards. The faded blue and yellow banquets surrounded the walls and long wooden tables were placed across from them. Julie took the liberty of snagging a few stools from the counter, seeing as the room was empty. Julie, Carlos, and her Dad sat on the stools while the rest of the crew spread out on the banquets. When the waitress came around she informed them that they were in luck and that there was a fresh batch of maple bacon and regular glazed hot out of the deep fryer. They ordered one of each for everyone, along with a pot of classic Diner coffee and a pitcher of water for Carlos. As they waited for their desserts, the group fell into a lull. Julie took this chance to get into Luke’s head. He had planned an entire trip across the country for her, but he hadn’t said more than twenty words to her since she’d layed eyes on him.

“So, Luke,” she started tentatively, “what have you been up to? Visit any museums lately?”

“Pfft I wish!” her father exclaimed. She peeked over at a mortified Luke and the sympathetic stares of his friends. “I swear all he ever does is sit in that studio, write songs, and sulk”, he continued mercilessly, only stopping when the waitress arrived.

“Here are the donuts. The coffee and water are coming right up”.

“Thank you so much,” her Dad responded kindly. “Now back to what I was say-”

“Julie, can we talk… outside,” Luke interrupted. Flynn and Carlos tried to stifle a laugh that ended in both of them choking on their donuts. Julie was… confused to say the least but she obliged, standing and walking shyly past the door he opened for her.

‘It’s freezing out here!’ She wanted to say to cut the tension, but she knew that the weather was not one of the topics of conversation that Luke had on his mind. They were walking now, taking small steps to nowhere in particular. Luke spoke first.

“So, as your father has so kindly told you, our beloved friends, and the entire Diner staff, I’m sort of miserable without you”.

Julie snorted. “Well, to be honest, I'm not having such a great time without you either. We’re really that co-dependent, huh?” Luke was smiling next to her and she was smiling back. She really did miss his smile.

“Ha, well, you say co-dependent, and I say that I'm deeply in love with you,” he shrugged, “same difference”. What? Julie froze. She was not prepared for this, but one could say that that was just bad planning on her part. Julie still remembers the day when she almost lost him to Caleb. The feeling of absolute darkness surrounding her heart, the feeling of heartbreak and anger. She was way too young to call that feeling love, but looking back, looking at all of the late-night songwriting sessions and the way she lost all ability to speak when he gave her that smile, maybe it was. Maybe it still is. Realizing that Luke was watching her, she tried to utter some sort of response.

“Luke, I-”

“You don’t have to say it back, in fact I'm asking you not to, but just hear me out on this one request. Please?”

“Okay.”

“Let me stay.”

“Where? My dorm room. I think that Alana and my dad might have something to say about that,” she answered, unsure of where this was going.

“Very funny Molina. He was doing his nervous finger twitch. “C’mon lighten the mood Julie!” She chastised herself.

“Right? I should drop out and pursue a career in come-”

“Let me stay here in Boston”, he butted in. She didn’t mind because she could see how much what he wanted to say scared him. “I'll get my own place, I'll work crappy retail jobs when all my money runs out, I’ll busk on the streets for all I care, but I… I need this. He was gesturing at the two of them.

Julie stood there unmoving. He needed her. The sentiment was horrifying and exciting at the same time, but she couldn’t hide her truth when he was showing his off right in front of her. To her, he was that bit of California sunshine she was always missing, the series of sounds that filled the empty part of a song she was producing, he was like the sweet glaze on a soft donut; he completed her. Without thinking, she grabbed his shaking hands and placed them on her cheeks. Like from memory, he was caressing her face. She placed her hands on his face and did the same. For a split second, Julie was sixteen again, in her mother’s studio, holding on tight to what she had left, what she wanted more than anything.

“I need you too, Luke. You're the glaze to my donut.” It was Luke’s turn to laugh now. Julie knew it was a stupid metaphor, but it got the job done and it made him smile.

“Oh my gosh that was terrible”, he teased, putting both hands over his mouth in shock, “how did you get into Berklee?”

“That’s a lot of talk coming from someone who didn’t get into Berklee”, she teased back, arms folded.

“Hey, don’t underestimate me! I could have gotten in had I applied”, he assured her.

“You don’t even have a transcript, Luke.”

“Once again, do not underestimate my skills of persuasion. I managed to get you to let three ghosts live in your studio” he replied.

“Fine. Then apply next semester,” she teased.

“Is that a challenge, Molina?”

“More like an invitation”, Julie looked him in the eyes now, all jokes aside.

“I’ll be there. Always”, he answered.

“Wow. That was, inspiring”, said a familiar voice, “but can we please get back to the hotel? The waitress just warned us that we don’t want to be walking around here after dark.”

Julie and Luke turned in unison to see a paranoid Alex standing in front them. “Oh, and congratulations on the two of you finally realizing that you are literally inseparable. This past month has been torture for me! Now c’mon, let’s go before we get murdered, but for real this time.”

The trio walked back into the Diner with Luke and Julie holding hands. This was met with various cheers, chants, and a relieved “finally”! from Julie’s dad. “Now I can use my studio in peace!”

THE END!

#jatp #julie x luke #julie molina #luke patterson #juke fic #juke fanfiction #team juke #fanfic #julie and the himbos #julie and the phantoms

5 notes · View notes

imagine-loki · 4 years ago

Text

Stubborn Independence

TITLE: Stubborn Independence

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 7/10

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine Loki struggling to adjust to someone who is independent and insists on paying for themselves all the time, even if it is a struggle sometimes. They need to do everything on their own. They never ask for help and refuse help. Just imagine Loki really wanting to spoil this person. Imagine how creative he would get to make life easier on this person who has captivated him.

Imagine being a talented singer at your local club. Loki comes in one night with Thor and the others (he’d rather be anywhere else but who turns down free drinks?) and gets ensnared in the voice of the beautiful singer on stage. Suddenly, his interest (and arousal) are more than piqued.

Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach?

AUTHOR’S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin’s company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki’s plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

~ ~ ENJOY ~ ~

“Niagara Falls here we come!” Sirena cheered once everyone was ready to get in the cars.

It was a long drive but being in Sirena’s vehicle was all the entertainment he needed.

With music playing on the radio for a little, then phones hooked up to play personal songs. Then to stay awake Sirena put on funny podcasts. There wasn’t a dull moment the the entire time. Once at the hotel they rested for a little then went to a restaurant to eat.

Loki whispered to Sirena with a hand on her thigh to catch her attention. “Darling let me pay.”

Sirena pouted but her eyes showed the thoughts going through her mind. “Can I buy you something as a souvenir?”

Loki knew she had issues with being spoiled but they were making progress. With a little squeeze to her thigh, “Of course.”

Tony had a pamphlet with the map of the falls and the trails.

They all went to look at the shops for a while then when it got dark they went back to the hotel and relaxed, tired from the traveling and everyone wanted to get an early start tomorrow.

Loki got a shower first then Sirena got hers. Loki was drying his hair with a towel when she came out.

Loki swallowed because she was in a tank top and short shorts. She was beautiful, especially her wonderful soft curves and thick thighs. Loki cursed himself as he had to think about something other than Sirena.

She was blow drying her hair in all different parts to her hair.

Loki had to know, “What are you doing?”

“This is what I do to get my hair…” she flipped her hair dramatically, “flippy.”

“So that is your secret to hair always looking nice.”

“Yep. Come here I can do yours.”

Loki went to her and sat in the desk chair of the room. Her fingers were gentle in his hair and he found himself relaxing until Sirena stopped for a second to turn off the dryer. Her fingers returned to Loki’s hair and massaged his scalp then shoulders. Loki was in bliss, he couldn’t recall the last time he had a massage.

She commented quietly. “You carry a lot of stress…”

Loki breathed relaxed, “Yeah.” He hummed once she found a good spot. “My father is planning on giving either Thor or I the company… Thor has been slacking and his grades are not the best.”

Loki heard Sirena’s heavy sigh. “So that’s why you have been working so much at your job and programing more.”

“Yes.” Loki’s pleased sounds made her laugh. “That feels really good.”

Loki felt more pressure on a particular space on his shoulder blades that made him moan out. He heard her amusement as she spoke.

“With the near sinful sounds coming out of you I wouldn’t be surprised of everyone’s idea of what we are doing.”

“I haven’t had a massage in forever.”

“My hands are getting tired. Do you want me to go over anything again?”

Loki was grateful for the massage and put his hands on hers. He moved her to the front and hugged her with her in between his legs. Her hands went to his head and she smiled down at him.

“I love you.”

Sirena giggled. “I love you too.”

Loki stood and gave her a kiss to which Sirena deepened. They were both out of breath by the time they separated.

Loki seen the time and Sirena did too.

Sirena asked, “I guess we should go to sleep?”

Loki grumbled out of annoyance of his body’s reaction to the kiss. “If we want to get an early start.”

Loki felt Sirena looking at him so he smiled and gave her head a kiss. Loki seen the forced smile she gave and watched her go to her bag. Loki went to his side of the bed as Sirena laid a blanket on her side.

She spoke as she set up her area, “I am going to hog the blankets, kick you off the bed and punch you when you try to get it back. THAT is why I have this blanket.”

Loki chuckled, “Even in your sleep you are a fireball.”

“Yep. Unfortunate for you though.” Sirena laughed as she got in the bed.

Sirena laid on her side to face him. “Goodnight Loki.”

“Goodnight Sirena.”

The night was hell for Loki.

Sirena was peacefully asleep while Loki fought for his blanket. Eventually he abandoned the bed to set the thermostat up higher so there would be no need for blankets… but then Sirena wouldn’t stop moving, thus keeping him up. He decided to hold onto her to try and keep her still and thankfully it worked.

When Loki woke due to alarms. His body ached and Sirena was still sound asleep. With a groan Loki went to his phone to snooze the alarm. He cuddled with Sirena again and once the hotel alarm clock went off Sirena groaned. Loki moved away so she could stretch to turn the alarm off.

Sirena had a silly smile, “Did you hold me all night?”

Loki yawned before answering. “No. But I will start tonight off that way. It was like I was sleeping with a tornado.”

Sirena groaned, “Oh my god its so hot.”

Loki went to adjust the thermostat. “I put the heat on so I didn’t need to wrestle you for the blanket.”

“Was I that bad?”

Loki held back the growl. “I don’t mean to sound rude but yes. The only way to keep you still was to hold you.”

She looked sheepish, “sorry.” She got up and went to her bag, getting clothes and walked to the bathroom. “Do you want to lay down and I can go get breakfast for you?”

“I will be ok. I will drink some caffeine."

Loki went to get his clothes ready as Sirena was in the bathroom. His body hurt in odd places and every time he would move his neck it would crack and his back felt like it needed an adjustment. Last night was not easy and he hopped tonight would be better.

Loki needed to apologize to her for his short responses. He knew he would be fine after breakfast but he still felt terrible.

She came out of the bathroom looking beautiful as always but she was noticeably upset.

"Sirena I am sorry for my abrupt responses. I will be fine after breakfast.”

“Its ok. I know I am not the best at sharing a bed with.” She gave him a big smile, “thanks for the apology. That means so much.”

Loki kissed her forehead before going to the bathroom.

The day had a ton of walking which did nothing to help with the aches of his body but he made it through with the excitement of Sirena and her picture taking. The falls were an impressive sight and breathtaking beautiful. Also deafening loud when they were going through the caves but Sirena was obviously enjoying herself. Anytime there was a picture opportunity, there was a picture taken. Loki was looking forward to get back home to see the pictures on his computer.

There were a few shops they went into and Sirena bought him a huge mug that came with a spoon for his tea.

Loki held the mug and cheerfully said, “Thank you.”

Tony called for everyone’s attention, “Where does everyone wanna eat tonight?”

Sirena shrugged at Loki as everyone threw ideas around. Loki got to pay for dinner again and that was what mattered most.

After getting back to the hotel and got ready for bed, Loki held Sirena and sleep went much better than last night.

The vacation was great and seemed to give Sirena the boost she needed to get back to working constantly. Loki admitted he loved spending all that time together and was looking forward to the next vacation. The pictures came out great and they were added to her collection of vacation photos.

Once the new semester started Loki valued each moment he could get with Sirena.

#Loki #Lover #Submitted fic #submission #stubborn independence #chapter 7 #brightsun-and-darkmidnight

26 notes · View notes

evie568 · 4 years ago

Text

Work in progress

♫ ♪ Spotify playlist : Ella changed the Name — Previously named : Cut ; by eviewivi

Date of creation : December 2017 — 3h6m

Let’s start from the beginning.

— —

· Who am I?

My name is Evie.

It was not my given name. I chose it myself. I always wanted a long name, like “Isabella” or “Elisabeth”, but I was given Eve. So I decided to add another letter to it to make it longer (age 4/5).

Some of my diplomas say “Evie”, and others say “Eve”. My passport says “Eve” whereas my social insurance card says “Evie”.

It’s a bit of a mess.

— —

I was born in 1995, in London and moved to the South of France with my family (age 8).

My parents are both English (although they enjoy saying they’re French since they have duel nationality now). I have 2 older sisters and 1 older brother.

At the age of 8, I remember that I could count up to 30 in French and say “Bonjour”. That was about it. I was put in a French school straight away and it was scary at first.

— —

Learning to speak French came naturally as I was young. The grammar was a little harder, and I still have difficulty with it today.

I actually have difficulty in English too. I often make mistakes.

Being born in one country and moving to another can sometimes be confusing.

“Are you French?” Not really…

“English?” Neither…

“So what are you?” Good question.

You often get asked the same questions.

“Do you think in English or French?”

“Do you dream in English or French?”

“Do you prefer England or France?”

I don’t mind it though, they find it interesting.

— —

· What happed?

This is a difficult question. I’m not too sure as I am still discovering things everyday.

I am not writing this, cured from my mental illness. I am writing this, still going through tough times, trying to get better everyday.

I am writing this as a sort of therapy, to help myself and maybe others.

To understand myself better, for family and friends to understand me better and maybe for people to relate to.

Writing has never been my strong point but whether you are good at it or not, I do find it helps. You get to express yourself freely, like dancing, or painting or creating music… any form of art really.

— —

So back to the question : what happened?

In 2018, I was diagnosed with a mental illness I had never heard of before in my life : Borderline Personality Disorder.

— —

· How did this all start?

After finishing a Sound Engineering course back in 2015 (Montpellier, FR), I went back home to my parents house to look for a job in the music industry.

It was very hard to find a job with no work experience at all. It was a catch 22 situation : I needed a job to gain experience but couldn’t get a job without any prior experience.

I would end up playing The Sims everyday in my one piece pajamas. Drinking Desperados in the evening while dreaming of moving to Sydney.

My parents quickly noticed I was not being very productive, and gave me a speech.

I would often check Facebook and see my best friend at the time, having the time of her life as an Au Pair in London.

I was jealous.

— —

In October 2015, I took a plane to London to become an Au Pair.

I was an Au Pair for about 2 years in London, and it was so much fun.

I made friends with other Au Pairs from all over the world that were so lovely. We would go out to bars, concerts, parks, museums, festivals and so much more.

— —

Then I met Julien.

This part is difficult to write about as it is still very painful and I have forgotten a lot.

My therapist told me it’s hard to remember what hurt you so much. I find that to be true in this situation, but I’ll try my best.

— —

I’ve never had a boyfriend in my life. And I was 22 years old.

My brother created an online profile for me on a website called OKCupid. He told me that it wasn’t just for dating, but you could also make friends.

I met Julien on OKCupid. His username was “JulienB26” (his last name started with a B and he was 26… I know, very creative…). Mine was “BurnTogether” (the name of a music album I was OBSESSED with at the time)

He was not my type at all, but sent me the sweetest, most personal message I had ever received, so I thought “why not?”

We met in a rock bar in Camden Town called The Worlds End, and it was fun. We got on straight away and it was my best first date ever.

Long story short we ended up dating.

After only about a month, I left my Au Pair family and moved in with him in Notting Hill. He met my family and I met his.

My parents adored him! He seemed so perfect. He was cultured, dressed nicely, polite, had a good job, a nice and tidy apartment…

He wasn’t that perfect though.

— —

He smoked a lot of weed, was addicted to online video games and extremely jealous.

I remember one time when I was typing to my friend at the time, he snatched my phone out of my hands to see what I was writing. It was quite aggressive and I did not like it at all.

— —

My Au Pair friend Pri invited me one day to spend time with her and our new Au Pair friend to go out to pubs near London Bridge.

I refused, as Julien didn’t want me to go. He didn’t like Pri.

We (Julien and I) went to the rock bar we first met at instead. It was not fun. We didn’t have much left in common.

I felt the relationship slowly dying and there was a lot about him I did not like anymore. But breaking up with him was not an option.

I got drunk. I often drank. I liked it so much and would drink too much, too often.

The following day I saw about 5 to 10 messages from my friend Pri.

There was a terrorist attack that very same night at London Bridge.

She managed to escape but unfortunately our Au Pair friend, did not.

— —

Pri asked me to spend the day with her, the day we found out that our friend had passed away and, of course, I went.

We drank wine together and cried.

She didn’t want to spend the night alone and asked me if I could stay with her.

I agreed and asked Julien if it was okay with him. But it was not.

It was a problem for him and he refused.

I left.

— —

Julien had been acting strange for a couple of days.

I didn’t really know what to do and didn’t want to be egocentric and assume it was because of me, but I did.

Maybe he was thinking about his father who passed away?

I didn’t know, and he wasn’t telling me anything.

— —

One day, as I came home from babysitting, and had enough. I needed to know what was wrong.

He put down his joint, told his online friends on Discord that he needed to leave and turned around from his computer to face me.

— —

This part is very hard to remember.

He told me I didn’t deserve his love as he couldn’t love me to the fullest.

He wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to end things and needed some time to think.

Our age difference was a problem for him. He thought we were in two different phases of our life.

— —

I didn’t sleep that night.

I watched Netflix and cried until I saw the sun rise.

The next following days were difficult. It was the same pattern everyday.

I woke up sad, left for work angry, came back confused and went to sleep sad.

I didn’t deserve this.

No one deserves being with someone who isn’t sure they love them and needs time to think.

So I decided to leave.

I took a train to Paris and never came back.

— —

My brother who studied art in Paris, decided to spend a year of his education in Bergen, Norway. So he had an un-used flat in Paris for a year.

I asked my parents if I could stay in the flat while looking for a job in Paris.

They agreed.

— —

I felt fresh, like a new chapter of my life was starting. I didn’t know anyone (besides my brothers friends, Julie and Yolo).

I bought healthy, organic, vegan food and bought a membership to a gym that I would go to everyday for an hour.

Things were looking good. I felt positive.

— —

I quickly found a part-time job as a receptionist for a company involved in cryptocurrency.

It was so much fun.

I loved saying hello to all the staff that walked passed my desk in the morning.

My life was good, and it got even better.

— —

I went to the company’s seminar in a grand chateau outside of Paris.

One evening, we had special places to sit for dinner. It was a way of mixing all different employees from different services to connect.

I was sat at a table with one of the Vice Presidents of the company.

He was very kind and asked me what I do outside of work and what I would like to do in the future.

I had a couple of Desperados and told him that I originally wanted to join a company in the music industry and work my way up, but since working for the company, I had fallen in love with the it and would actually like to work my way up in this company.

This was not a sneaky plan or anything. I’m not that smart.

Fortunately though, the President of the company heard my tipsy conversation and called me over.

He asked me if what I said was true. I was astonished he knew my name!

— —

About two weeks after the seminar, the Vice President of Sales approached me asking if we could have a chat.

He had heard from the President that I wanted to join the company and offered me a position in the Sales department.

I had no experience whatsoever in sales, but accepted with great pleasure.

— —

My personal life on the other hand was not going so well.

I was drinking a lot and started cutting myself with broken glass as a punishment for drinking.

But I didn’t tell anyone or do anything about it as I felt in control of the situation.

I was on OKCupid again but comparing every profile to Julien.

In the spring of whatever year it was (2018 maybe?), I went back to London to see Julien as he had some of my belongings to give back to me.

We talked and walked in Hyde Park for about two hours. I wore his favorite dress.

I told him about my amazing new job and friends I had made. I was subtly bragging about my life. I wanted him to regret letting me go. And he did. He cried so much and felt very regretful. I felt happy even though I was suffering inside.

Towards the end of the walk he told me he was seeing someone new.

I did not expect that. I was shocked.

— —

I remember taking the underground back, and crying like I have never cried before while listening to Taylor Swift.

I felt that something inside of me had changed. Something bad.

— —

After returning back to Paris things got worse. I was drinking more and cutting deeper and more often.

Julien was still texting me at the time and I was not responding as I wanted to cut the cord with him.

He didn’t understand why and I remember telling him that I had never felt this bad in my life. I had never hated myself so much and needed space.

He told me that I needed to seek professional help.

I said goodbye and blocked him.

— —

On the day of Gay Pride 2018 in Paris.

I was drinking alone.

I didn’t eat anything that day and drank a bottle of white wine alone in my flat.

I remember grabbing a glass and smashing it on the floor, collecting the sharpest piece of glass I could find and cutting and cutting and cutting.

My friend Yolo came over and saw the pieces if glass all over the kitchen floor and saw me on the floor crying and bleeding.

She called an Uber and took me to a psychiatric hospital.

I was so desperate for help that I would have gone anywhere she took me.

We had to stop the Uber half way there so I could throw up and then continue on our route.

— —

Once there I remember talking to a professional, crying, about suicidal thoughts I had.

I remember doing a lot of research at the time and discovered a website.

It had all the information I was looking for on it.

I spent a night at the hospital Saint Anne to sober up.

The following day, they let me go.

— —

Even though things were bad, I still felt 100% in control of the situation.

I would self harm and drink almost daily.

I continued doing research about suicide and the sharpest object known to man.

One day I decided to order a pack of scalpels off of Amazon. They arrived quickly.

I was so eager to try them but had to go to work that day. So I just did a small cut on my arm and wow.

I didn’t press hard at all but bled. It was so satisfying at the time.

— —

On my friend Julie’s birthday I remember coming home from work, going to the closest shop to my flat and buying two 50cl cans of Desperados. I could tell the cashier was judging me, but I did not care much.

I put on a stand up comedy show on Netflix and proceeded to drink the beer.

Then I remembered the scalpels in my bedside draw.

I had promised myself not to self-harm anymore before the summer holidays as I would be around my family in t-shirts and shorts.

But I wanted to so badly. So I did.

I said to myself that it would be just one cut on my thigh. But it had to be satisfying enough.

So I cut my thigh.

— —

I forgot that it was a scalpel and in my mind it was just a piece of broken glass.

Big mistake.

I cut too deep.

I remember seeing the white fat through the cut in my thigh.

It didn’t hurt though.

Then the blood started to flow. There was so much.

I tried to close the cut with my hands, but blood got everywhere.

I panicked.

I didn’t want to disturbed Julie on her birthday so I phoned her boyfriend (who was also my work colleague).

He calmed me down and phoned the emergencies who arrived very quickly.

— —

I went to the hospital and had to have ten stitches in my thigh.

They also made me speak to a therapist there who told me I could go home.

So I went home.

— —

I was seeing a psychiatrist for a while (since the Gay Pride event)

That told me after the 10 stitches incident that I was depressed.

I still remember the feeling of her telling me I was depressed. I was shocked and didn’t want to believe her.

I had everything under control!

She suggested I take antidepressants and I accepted. Paroxetine 10mg

— —

I worked for the company for about a year.

It was amazing.

I traveled to Berlin and London. I also attended a “Blockchain Cruise” from Barcelona to Monaco to Ibiza.

I could bring whomever I wanted from the company.

I chose Jacques.

He seemed nice.

— —

On the cruise, there was a party going on and of course, we both attended it. I was a little bit tipsy and kissed a guy on the dance floor.

I remember seeing Jacques really angry and went over to talk to him.

We were talking near the main bar on the boat.

He seemed very drunk.

He tried to kiss me but I pushed him away.

He tried again and I had to push harder.

Someone felt the need to intervene and asked me if I needed help.

I told them that everything was okay and walked Jacques back to the room.

— —

After the trip I wanted to forget that side I saw of Jacques.

So I did.

I wanted to be his friend and he wanted to be mine.

— —

One evening we were having drinks with work colleagues in a whiskey bar.

I asked Jacques, as a friend, if he wanted to spend the night at my flat.

I felt very lonely and was a bit tipsy.

I didn’t want anything to happen between us, but I understand now how he thought differently.

— —

As we were going to bed, he tried again, like on the cruise to kiss me.

I pushed him away but he was stronger.

He then proceeded to take my pajama trousers off.

I pulled them back up. He pulled them back down.

I remember his fingers inside of me. I tried pushing him off of me but he grabbed my wrists.

He then, finally, saw that I was not happy.

So thankfully, he stopped.

I pulled my trousers back up and stayed in a foetus position until I fell asleep.

— —

The next morning we walked to work together.

I didn’t feel right. Something about that night felt wrong.

I phoned Julie and told her what had happened. She was in Greece at the time.

I sent an email to my boss telling him that I didn’t feel well and asking him if I could have the day off.

He accepted and I left with my friend Yolo who met me at work.

— —

We had a lovely day. We went to the cinema, went and got massages, and later on that evening, we were at a café and my friend Julie appeared out of nowhere!

She had taken an early plane back from Greece to come and see me.

I was so happy to see her!

— —

The next week, at the end of the day at work, round 7pm, my boss asked if he could talk to me.

He told me that the President of the company had heard that I slept with a married colleague.

This has never happened and I has shocked and embarrassed.

I told him this information was not true and he believed me.

He told me to tell him if anything ever happens between me and a colleague.

I felt the need to tell him that Jacques took advantage to me. And I did.

My voice was shacking. He was angry.

After our chat, I left and went home.

— —

I don’t remember this part very well but I remember going to see my therapist very drunk with a bottle in my hand to my appointment.

She called the emergencies and they took me to a psychiatric hospital, La Maison Blanche.

— —

It was very strange at first seeing all different kinds of patients, with all different mental illnesses.

(the person is drinking water from a puddle, not praying)

— —

I stayed for about 15 days there and made some friends.

It wasn’t as bad as it first seemed.

— —

My siblings were aware of what was going on with me. But once again, I still felt under control of what was happening.

They didn’t think so, and they were right to think that.

One day I ran away of the hospital and drank cans of beer in the side walk.

That is when my siblings decided to tell my parents what was going on.

After going back inside the hospital, one of the nurses told me that my mother was on her way to see me, she took a 4h train to come.

She had no idea what was going on before. It must have been a terrible shock for her.

I felt so scared and embarrassed for her to see me in this blue outfit they had given me but they refused to give me back my clothes.

— —

It was extremely difficult to balance my work and personal mental health.

I was coming to terms with my depression and accepting that I was, in fact, never in control of anything that was happening to me.

— —

After leaving the hospital, I went back to work.

It was very awkward at first.

The President of the company asked to speak with me about my long absence.

I didn’t want to go into details, so I just mentioned that I was at the hospital without saying why, or what kind of hospital…

Later that same day, someone from human resources also asked to speak to me.

She was asking is everything was okay and I told her what my therapist had told me to say, that I had a really sore throat.

Now looking back at it, I know that she knew exactly where I was. In a psychiatric hospital.

The papers the hospital were giving to my company to cover my absence, had the address on them.

So she knew…

— —

One day, my boss got fired out of the blue. He was such an amazing person and work colleague. He didn’t deserve this.

Later that month, my other Sales colleague, also got fired.

Cryptocurrency was not doing as well as it was before, and the company was slowly dying.

I was next to get fired.

It was the day before my birthday.

I remember my new, less cool boss, asked me to have a word with him and a person from HR.

I honestly thought at the time that I was getting a raise. Lol.

The conversation was very awkward, it lasted about 15 minutes. I don’t remember much of what was said.

They told me to leave straight away and not mention to anyone that I got fired.

I told my friend/colleague on Slack before leaving the building.

He was worried he was next to get fired.

So I sent him a brief message saying “turns out you were right about the Sales team getting fired. I have to leave now. Please don’t tell anyone.”

I left and went home.

— —

As I got home I lay on the sofa staring into oblivion.

I wanted to cry. I said to myself that this is a situation most people would cry.

But it was so hard to shed a tear.

I felt numb.

— —

I phoned my mother and told her what had happened. She was worried I would do something bad.

I invited my friend, Alienor, that I made from the hospital over, and we drank beer and took cocaine.

My father phoned me.

He could hear by my voice that I had drank.

My parents contacted Yolo to come pick me up and take me back to the hospital by Uber.

I felt obliged to go with her, so I went and Alienor left.

I only stayed one night or maybe two. I don’t really remember.

— —

I continued living in Paris for a couple of months, without a job.

I would drink everyday. Cans of Heineken beer.

I would wake up and drink straight away, while watching BoJack Horseman.

Then I would fall asleep around 6pm.

Everyday was the same pattern. Beer and BoJack.

— —

I had stopped self harming, as I had promised myself since the 10 stitches to never start again. But suicide was still a big subject in my mind.

The website I had discovered, has the most common methods of suicide in order of success rate. And hanging myself seemed like an okay technique.

I wanted to test it out without actually killing myself.

I know it sounds weird.

I wanted to try and see if it was doable without actually doing it all the way.

——

I took the cotton belt off from my work trousers. I thought to myself that I wouldn’t need it anymore, as I don’t have a job anymore.

I tied a knot around my clothes hanger in my wardrobe, and tied the other side around my neck.

Then, I very gently bent my legs (as I could touch the floor).

The next thing I remember is waking up with the belt around my neck, in my wardrobe.

Saliva was all over my mouth. Snot was dripping from my nose.

It scared me.

I couldn’t undo the tight knot around my neck so cut it off with a pair of kitchen scissors.

I threw the belt in the bin and laid in my bed in a state of shock.

I phoned a friend at the time, and told him what just happened to me.

He came over and we talked about it.

— —

I liked him, he promised not to tell anyone and let me drink.

Yolo and Julie where more worried and protective. They would judge how much I would drink, and I didn’t really like that.

— —

One day, a colleague/friend of mine was organizing a small party at his house with about 8 people.

Julie, her boyfriend, Yolo and I all went along with other ex-work colleagues.

I got drunk quickly. And when I drank, I would talk too much.

I told a friend/ex-work colleague that I tried to hang myself the other day just to try it out but ended up fainting.

— —

Later that evening, I went home to my flat and fell asleep.

Around 3 in the morning, my door bell rang.

I didn’t know who it was, but opened the door all tired.

It was Julie, Yolo and another friend.

They were really worried about me.

What I had said at that party has gotten out, and everyone knew about it.

They told me I needed to go back to the hospital.

So I did the very next morning.

— —

I went back to The Maison Blanche, and stayed there for 12 nights.

One of the male nurses saw me and asked why I was back, again.

I told him what had happened and he was very nice. He gave me advice and listened to me.

He mentioned that we should go out for drinks once I get out of the hospital. I agreed and gave him my number.

— —

We texted that night, while I was in my hospital bed.

Our text messages were very flirtatious.

The next following days we had sexual relations in my hospital room, and in the storage room.

— —

Once I left La Maison Blanche, I invited Alienor over to drink and take cocaine.

And I told her about my romantic affair I had at the hospital.

She didn’t seem surprised. She told me that another female patient had sexual relations with a nurse there too, and she wondered if it was the same nurse. So did I.

We sent a message to the girl in question and asked her to describe the male nurse she had relations with.

It was him. Paul. And she was 17.

— —

This suddenly felt wrong and I had to tell someone. So I told my mother about Paul and also Jacques.

She was really angry. More so about Paul the nurse than Jacques. But I felt the opposite.

I didn’t feel taken advantage of by Paul. But Jaques really hurt me.

My mother wanted me to report both of them to the police, so I did.

— —

My parents didn’t trust me living alone in such a big city so far away. I needed help.

In May 2019 I want to Rehab for alcohol and cocaine addiction.

I spent one month there. It was much nicer than the hospital. They had a ping-ping table, a chess set and many more activities.

I spent a month in Rehab and it was really nice to be away from alcohol.

Alcohol affected me in bad ways.

I would say so many things I regret. I would hurt myself and make bad decisions.

I drank so much that when I didn’t, I would uncontrollably shake and feel faintish.

Rehab made me want to stop forever.

— —

My mother would visit me often and it was lovely to see her. She was very supportive.

After leaving Rehab, it was time for me to leave Paris forever and move back in with my parents down South of France.

I needed to not be alone. I needed help.

— —

I moved back into my old bedroom with my vinyls and The White Stripes posters. It was comforting.

I was now taking more medication : Paroxetine (20mg) and Abilify (5mg).

And it was making me feel better.

My mother wanted me to see one of the best therapists in France.

So I started seeing a new psychiatrist in Bordeaux, FR (1h away by train) every two weeks.

At first we did not get along.

I wanted him to help me forget about my ex, but he explained that it was not possible to forget the past, you must accept it as part of you, like a scar.

He wanted me start writing about my feelings in a journal. I was not good at it and did not enjoy it. But I did it anyway.

— —

A few months later, I was starting to feel much better and stronger.

My therapist was really helping me, and so was my family.

I decided it was time to find a job near my parents house.

In October 2019, I found a job as an Exhibition Assistant for a company in events.

I was saving up to move to Sydney, Australia. To start a new life far away. To a place I’ve always wanted to go to.

I’ve never been to Australia but didn’t care.

— —

Working for this company was not fun, and a lot of pressure. They wanted to me make a minimum of 200 phone calls a day. And I hated being on the phone.

I told my therapist about my job being very pressurizing and he told me to quite and move to Sydney sooner.

That sounded like a great plan! I was so happy about this decision.

I went home and bought myself a Working Holiday Visa.

— —

My psychiatrist decided it was time to stop my medication as I was doing really well.

So I stopped them gradually.

The withdraw effects were a nightmare.

I was sweating, felt nauseous, had diarrhea, felt extremely emotional…

But that only lasted for about 2 weeks.

I was so happy that I wasn’t taking any medication anymore!

I felt on top of the world.

— —

For New Years Eve, I decided to go see my old friends from when I was doing my Sound Engineering course.

I told them about what had happened to me, and I could see it made them sad. They told me that I was such a happy person before. That I didn’t deserve this.

I told them I was fine now and that it was in the past.

I didn’t drink on NYE and they respected that. But I felt odd. I felt numb for some reason. They loved me so much and expressed it. But I didn’t seem to feel the same way. I used to. But not anymore. I didn’t feel love for anyone and that worried me. I felt like a ghost.

— —

My mother picked me up and could tell that I was different.

I went to work the following day and did not feel well at all.

I could feel it all coming back. I was so scared and ashamed of relapsing. But I knew I was.

I told my boss that I wasn’t feeling well and she let me go home.

I got back home and told my parents : I think I’m depressed again…

— —

I saw my therapist again and every session he would read what I wrote.

This was the last time I wrote in my diary.

He closed my black book and called my mother in.

He told me I needed to go back to a psychiatric hospital.

— —

My parents drove me back home from Bordeaux after that session and we packed a suitcase and went to the nearest psychiatric hospital. La Candelie in Agen.

I remember hearing my therapist on the phone to the hospital telling them I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I had no idea what that was.

— —

I arrived at La Candelie and spent 7 weeks there.

I was not in a good state of mind.

I tried hanging myself multiple times there in the shower but couldn’t let go of all of my weight by bending my legs. I just couldn’t.

I cut myself often and managed to bring in Vodka.

It was a mess.

— —

They put me in the isolation room for one night.

The isolation room was horrific.

They gave me paper pajamas that would rip with the slightest movement.

The door was locked and I had a bucket to pee in.

I was not allowed a pillow or a blanket. It was so cold and my pajamas were ripped everywhere.

The next morning, I saw a psychiatrist from the hospital and told him that I was fine and just being dramatic. I did not want to go back there.

— —

After 7 long weeks I was finally allowed out.

It was a long time.

I was now on even more medication : Paroxetine, Abilify, Tercian, Alprazolam and Mirtazapine.

I felt so numb. Better, but numb.

Australia was not an option anymore. Not for a while anyway.

— —

Once I left the hospital, I was obliged to have a nurse come to my parents house every morning and evening to make sure that I take all my medication properly.

I also had to go a psychological-medical center once a week.

I got tired of explaining what happened when, where and why. It was hard to remember. So I decided to write all the bullet points down on a piece of paper.

— —

· Where am I now?

Today is the 13th of May 2021. I still suffer from my mental illness even though I wish it was all in the past.

I’m currently taking Mirtazapine, Abilify and Alprazolam and only see a nurse once a week to restock on medication.

My therapist appointments have been elongated to once a month.

I haven’t self harmed in about a year.

I do however still have episodes with suicidal thoughts, but they are less severe.

My therapist from Paris once told me that you will have ups and downs, but with time the ups will be less up and the downs less down.

It’s starting to make sense now.

I currently live in a small city called Agen (30m drive from my parents house) with my boyfriend Yann. He’s the best.

We met through an old friend of mine that I reconnected with last year.

I still don’t have many friends where I live, as they are all over the place (Montpellier, London and Paris)

— —

My mother took an online course about Borderline Personality Disorder, which I really appreciate. I feel like maybe she understands a part of me more.

— —

Julie left Paris and moved to Montpellier to become a Yoga instructor. She and her boyfriend are still together, building their new life in the South of France.

— —

Yolo is still in Paris, she recently got a job as a video editor for a cool company. She’s doing great.

— —

Pri is still in London, not as an Au Pair anymore but as a chef by day, and an Art Salon organizer by night. She’s always been very productive and I admire that.

— —

Alienor unfortunately is back in the hospital in Paris, La Maison Blanche, as she tried to commit suicide by jumping off of a bridge above train rails. She lost both of her legs and one arm, but thankfully survived.

— —

The criminal cases concerning Jacques and Paul the nurse, are still going on. It’s been a very long process but I hope it ends soon.

— —

I don’t have any news at all regarding Julien and do not plan on having any.

— —

· Why am I writing this?

Like I wrote at the beginning of this, longer than expected text, about my mental health, I am writing this for me, my family and friends and hopefully others who may relate to it and seek help if they need it.

I often mentioned that I felt under control of the situation, but I was wrong. So maybe someone reading this might make the decision to seek help.

I have no words to describe how thankful I am to the people who helped me.

This is not a suicide note, it’s the opposite. It’s a “life” note.

A note to remind me that some days can be nice and happy, but others can be very, very hard. But you must go on. You must keep on fighting. It might seem like an endless battle but it gets better.

Sometimes that’s hard to see. But I see it now.

#borderline life #borderline personality traits #bpd #borderline personality disorder #mental health #mental illness #addiction #love #love story

2 notes · View notes

thewritingginger · 5 years ago

Text

Fluff Alphabet - Lucifer

Thank you anon for you request :3 Since I don't know much about Belphegor yet here's the fluff alphabet for our boy Lucifer.

Much love to you too babe 💛💛💛

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A ctivities - what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

- Lucifer will alway enjoy a nice cup of tea with his s/o while talking about their day and upcoming plans Or just sitting in silence while each one does their own thing. Just being alone in each others presence is soothing enough.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

- Lucifer thinks his partners mind is the most beautiful thing about them.

- He admires his s/o’s ability to make tactful decisions with common sense

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

- Lucifer would try and gently walk his partner through their panic attack.

- During these times he is more patient then anyone has ever seen him with someone

- Will ask if they want space or not, as a way to make sure he’s helping them in ways that are best suited for them.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

- He imagine him and his s/o raising a family, maybe 2 or 3 kids

- In a beautiful home, with out his brothers (not that they wouldn't be in and out of it all the time.)

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

- Lucifer is usually a dominant force in his life and relations, but with the person he loves he has found a way to have a bit of a balance and finds that he doesn’t Always have to be in control of everything with them in his life.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

- Lucifer will try to shut down any fight he deems unbeatable for his partner

- Wont be one to yell unless pushed far enough

- Usually will walk away if the argument is going no where

- You will have to come to him to resolve it (unless he really feels he was in the wrong and/or hurt you with what he might have said)

- Wont be one to hold a grudge

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

- He may be too prideful to say this some times but, he feels very lucky to have you in his life.

- The way you can connect with him the way that you have truly shocked him when he really realized what he had with you.

- “I didn't think a human could do this to me, but I would want anything else.”

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide form their s/o? Or do they share everything?

- It is rather hard for Lucifer to bare everything to his partner not because what's he may be hiding is bad but just to try and avoid embarrassment or potential judgment, his pride can really get in the way even with you.

- But the only things he may ever keep secret is things portioning to work

- He values honesty and expects it from both parties

I nspired - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

- His s/o really helped loosen him up a bit and bring out a bit of a softer side (not that he won’t whip out a can of whoop ass when necessary)

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

- Does get jealous but in more of an irritated way

- When he sees someone flirting or being a little too friendly to his liking with his partner he will be calm and collected but you know inside he is seathing

- Very intimidating (more than usual)

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

- A very passionate kisser

- Your first kiss together stunned you, not because it was bad but bc it really took your breathe away.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

- Lucifer confessed his love in the garden in the moon light (too cheesy?)

- Holding your hand telling you how you made quite the feat to get a demon like him to fall for you,

- “I never in my life thought a human could conquer me in such a way that you have.”

- And planted a soft kiss upon your rose petal lips, the feeling of electricity crossing through you both, those currants finally meeting, intermingling in a passionate tango that he wishes will never end.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

- Lucifer always knew he would probably get married but to who was the big question bc he isn't just gonna be with anyone

- The marriage b/w you two is pleasant

- At first (including in your pre-marriage relationship) the amount of time he spends working and away from home was pretty hard. You understood he had an important job and a lot to do but there were a few arguments about how you hardly get good quality time together.

- But after that's figured out and a balance is made its pretty good

- He proposed to you after a romantic candlelit dinner he set up for you two

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

- Nicknames you have for him: Luci, | Honey, |

- Nicknames he has for you: Love, | Dear, |

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

- The only other person that can really see it is none other than Diavolo

- He expresses it by being a bit more accommodating to you, to make are you are happy and comfortable.

- But he is more so private about it (mainly before others knew about your relationship/ it was official)

- He is just over all a bit gentler with you

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o on front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

- Isn't making out with you but is proud to have you with him

- At parties he’ll have you on his arm and dancing with you close whilst looking lovingly in your eyes, a gentle curve playing his lips. Leaning down to press a kiss to your hand to cheek.

- Very gentlemanly

Q uirk - Some random ability they have thats beneficial in a relationship?

- His ability to organize and plan things is amazing

- Planning for important meetings and finances for big things (like a house) is usually left to him to crunch the numbers and get everything situated.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

- On a scale of 1-10, He’s measuring in at about a strong 8

- Wooing you is something he is very good at

- Candlelit dinners, with soft music playing in the background, Champaign and strawberries

- Dresses nicely for you, (he usually dresses nicely but still lol) has gotten you a little something to wear for when you go out as well. Complementing you on how beautiful you look in the dress he had chosen for you.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

- Will push his s/o to go after what they want

- Wont pressure them but tell them, if they want to do it they can! They just have to put action into it.

T hrill - Do they need to try new things to spice out their relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

- Both

- There are certain things he wants to keep routine, like his mornings and nights with you (getting up and going to bed)

- But where you go on date and how you spend time alone (wink wonk😉) chances up when things get too repetitive

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

- In the beginning of your relationship it was a bit hard for him to truly understand you

- Not meaning to be apathetic at times, bc he does care about you and your well being but he hasn't had a relationship with love like this before

- Showing his emotions doesn't come naturally to him either so helping you with it can be a bit daunting (even to the great Lucifer lol)

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it thats worth in comparison to other things in their life?

- You are pretty important to him

- I wouldn't say more or less than his work (cuz thats hella important to him too)

- He really believes he is good at separating the two

- Honestly he is, for the most part.

- There may or may have been a few times where he was a bit lenient with you when it came b/w you and his work. Like maybe there was a time when you were really missing him and have been having a bad week and you asked to come see him at work or he came home. He allowed you to come to his office and ended up sitting on his lap with your arms wrapped around his neck, and your head resting on his shoulder. (He would be lying if said he didn't like it and wants you come over and do that from time to time)

W ild Card - A random. Fluff Headcanon.

- You and Lucifer have these little habits you do in the mornings.

- Every morning (or almost every morning) when you get up, usually Lucifer gets up before you, you go down stairs to meet him in the kitchen where you both sit down at the table and drink coffee he had made for you both. You spend these early morning moments alone to talk about your day and maybe even any dreams you might have had the night before. The alone time you have in the mornings together is very precious to him and you get to see the softer side of Lucifer, with sleep still in the corners of his eyes, still in his night clothes. Seeing you first thing in the morning before anyone else is something he never wants to stop doing.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

- Much more affectionate than his brothers and others think (besides Diavolo probably)

- Night time snuggles are a thing

- At night when you two are falling asleep he will hold you against his chest, stroking your hair lovingly. Maybe a gentle kiss here or there

- Holding your hand

- Kissing your hand

- His affection comes out in very simple &. soft gestures

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

- He is the best at coping out of the brothers

- Understands and can respect that you need time, either alone or for work/school

- Might send you a message here or there checking up on you or updating you on how his work is going.

- Don't get it twisted tho, he does have his moments (maybe not often) but moments when he just needs you with him/ really wants to be with you while he's at work/working or you’re out.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, whaat kind of?

- If you’ve made into his heart and really earned his trust and respect

- He will go great lengths for your relationship

- Makes sure that you’re happy and comfortable

- He even will try to change (idk if thats the right word to use but maybe better himself but idk 😅) for you (not who he is and personality wise) but his approach and how he speaks to you (like in an argument or when he disagrees, doesn't just shut you down he will try to hear you out)

- But if he sees that someone doesn't put effort in or wrongs him or just isn't compatible with him and what he wants than he will let them go.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you’re reading this I hope you liked it and have a marvelous day.

If you have any ideas of what I should write next, I am gonna try and do some Valentines themed works for the month of February so I’m open to suggestions.

💛 ~

#obey me #obey me game #shall we date obey me #obey me lucifer #shall we date #shall we date lucifer #lucifer #fluff alphabet #fluff #request

154 notes · View notes

chilling-seavey · 4 years ago

Photo

Penelope Magnolia Seavey was born on July 30th, 2020 at 9:48am, after a bit of a scary labour process as she was four and a half weeks early. Her twenty-year-old mother had gone into early labour due to way too much emotional stress that ended up affecting the pregnancy. Even still, Penelope was born healthy at 5lbs 8oz and 18 inches long with soft brown hair and bright blue eyes and didn’t need to spend time in the NICU at all which was a blessing for her young mother who already had her hands full with a toddler. Clementine was the baby that changed Florence’s life, but Penelope was the baby that set her life on the right track.

Florence didn’t expect to have another baby before she had settled down but life had different plans for her and she found herself pregnant with Penelope without knowing who the father was. She never hated herself more in her life than during that pregnancy, having only wanted to be a teenager for a little bit and ended up with yet another baby and had to string along two (actually three) really great guys and eventually having to break the lifechanging news to one of them. That’s all covered in Anything But Mine, however…

By now you know that it came to rise that Daniel was the father which caused a major strain on his and Florence’s friendship at first. Despite being present for the birth, for the first month and a half of Penelope’s life, Daniel stayed as far away from Florence and the girls as possible because of his own personal fears and worries, not to mention his girlfriend at the time getting in the way a bit. By the time Florence and Daniel made up and his girlfriend was out of the picture, he was starting to worry that he lost any and all hope of having a relationship with the baby as “those first few months are crucial for bonding with a newborn and now she will never love me-“. But Penelope fell just in love with Daniel as Clementine had.

Penelope had plenty of nicknames; Penny, Pen, Nelly (which she’s not too crazy about, says it sounds like she’s pushing sixty), but Nell was most common which was coined by her eighteen-month-older sister as a toddler. To Daniel, she was bug. No one knows where it came from, not even Daniel himself, but it just slipped out one day when she was tiny and he was cooing down at her on her playmat and it stuck. She was the smallest of her family too, so it worked well.

Penelope was a handful as a baby and it truly felt like she never stopped crying. Daniel was the only one who could get her to sleep reasonably easily but even he had a devil of a time sometimes to get her to quiet down. As she grew into a toddler, she always wanted to be within arms reach of at least one of her parents, especially around strangers, and every time she was uncomfortable she held up her little arms to Daniel with tears in her blue eyes and made little grabby hands at him until he picked her up. Florence soon noticed that Penelope got overwhelmed so easily by sensory overload to the point that she would throw fits. If her bed sheets weren’t pulled tight and there was a wrinkle that touched her foot she would scream until the bed was stripped and remade completely, tags had to be cut off all new clothes because the feeling of them on her neck or on her back would push her over the edge, and any busy or overlapping sounds (like the tv on and dinner being made and someone talking at the same time) would cause her to absolutely lose it. Yet, at the same time, she fell into these silent spells where she wouldn’t speak as if she didn’t know how, simply watching everyone around her in perfect peaceful silence. Daniel and Florence spent the first five years of Penelope’s life wondering what the hell was wrong with their sweet and terribly shy daughter to cause her to scream and cry as much as she did.

Penelope was six when Florence and Daniel took her to the doctor to figure out what was going on. She was pushed to a child psychologist who did a few tests and diagnosed her with mild-autism, explaining her sensory sensitivities, her silent spells, her difficulty with change, and the fact that she was constantly clinging onto her stuffed giraffe and took it everywhere with her. The silent spells were her trying to soak everything in as it took her extra effort and time to behave like anyone else would. The doctor assured the young parents that they were doing just fine and to continue how they were, keeping an extra eye out on their second daughter and simply taking extra time as she worked to express herself. As she grew up and learned and matured, Penelope was much better at expressing herself and the fits lessened as she found her coping mechanisms for when she was feeling overwhelmed. Daniel read up on everything online and in the library to try and help his daughter all he could, sharing all he learned with Florence at the end of the day and he often read chapters to her by the bedside light before bed.

Penelope loved her parents the exact same, but Daniel had always been her safe haven. Despite their bit of a rocky start, there was no doubt that Penelope adored her father and she would go to him with anything. Well, him or her Uncle Christian who – besides Daniel – was her favourite man to ever walk the earth. From the moment Penelope was introduced to the Seavey’s, Christian fell so in love with her and their little relationship only grew from there. When she was tiny, she couldn’t pronounce ‘Christian’ so she started calling him Chi-Chi and it just stuck as their little nickname; three-year-old Penelope even proposed to him and they had a little wedding in the living room. Clementine was Penelope’s confidant, her go-to for advice, and any secrets she had were shared with her socially aware older sister. Penelope’s lack of social-que understanding made her often feel like her witty and fiery older sister hated her and they often had many arguments-turned-conversations where Clementine had apologised for being so brash with her. Lucy and Penelope had a much more chill relationship and being the two creative souls of the family, often spent time away from everyone working together on projects. Penelope loved being the middle child as she was able to be a younger and an older sister.

Art was Penelope’s escape. She found her muse in painting mainly, being able to express her emotions on the canvas that she couldn’t express in person, and high school brought her a free open studio every Wednesday night to simply have a quiet corner of the school where she could paint whatever she wanted. Aside from art, she tried to be as well rounded as her older sister, but she was not cut out of sports. She played soccer as a child but as she grew up and team sports became more competitive, she was unable to make any team for any sport; she just wasn’t coordinated enough although the poor girl tried her absolute hardest. She was the most ‘girly’ of her sisters and hated getting messy (unless it was paint). She liked travelling but would definitely rather stay in a hotel than being caught dead camping; the family tried that once…it was not an enjoyable experience. Her favourite times were spent by the firepit in Vancouver with Christian, cups of hot cocoa, a good book, and perfect silence.

Penelope didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life until her eleventh grade art teacher sat her down and told her all about possible careers in art and helped her get started at a part time job at the Art Gallery where she helped out with kids’ art classes. By university, Penelope applied and was accepted into Queen’s for an Art History degree thanks to her bursting portfolio, being able to learn right on the same campus as her older sister. Little did she know, she would be balancing her studies and trying to keep her sister afloat during that first year at school.

Penelope is a dreamer, very humble and sincere. She would rather stay quiet than hurt someone with the truth. Generally, Penelope was more of an observer, liking to learn through observation rather than getting in with the action, her brain always working to learn about those around her to help her blend more naturally into society. This being said, she was always introverted and tired out easily after socializing, especially since her subconscious was constantly projecting her actions to pass as ‘neurotypical’ so it took extra effort to socialize. Daniel and Florence tried desperately to teach her that she didn’t have to hide who she was, but Penelope kept her little fidgets to herself and always pushed herself to act like ‘anyone else’ to keep from standing out. Penelope feared standing out. She always carried an extra pair of earbuds in her purse or her backpack in case her first set broke as music was how she could shut out the world when it all got a bit overwhelming – Daniel and Florence each got plenty of panicked phone calls from the school bathroom when Penelope lost her headphones and needed another pair, or when she was younger, calls from her teacher when she forgot her favourite stuffed giraffe at home and couldn’t function without it. It was tiring but it was reality and Daniel and Florence would never dream of allowing Penelope to see how exhausting it sometimes was.

Penelope was a perfect mix of both her parents but her dark hair and light blue eyes came right from Daniel and sometimes glancing at her felt like you were looking at Daniel for .4 seconds. Her smile was neither her mother’s nor her father’s, but it definitely was proof that she was a Seavey; mirroring her Uncle Christian’s dimpled grin almost exactly. It was a bit of a family joke that Penelope was actually Christian’s. Florence didn’t find the joke funny.

Penelope was a late bloomer when it came to boys…she never really even talked to boys until high school and didn’t even let dating so much as cross her mind until she was almost in senior year. Even then, she was almost too shy to go through with anything and avoided getting into a relationship in fear of somehow messing it up in whatever way. It was no surprise that she was completely startled when she returned to work at the art gallery between her second and third year of university and this same guy kept coming in to talk to her. There was only so many times a person would want to pay to look at the art of Warhol before it got a bit repetitive and Anthony finally approached Penelope in her little name tag and braids to offer a friendly discussion about the art. Art was always the way to her heart so she came home that night with a sweet blush on her cheeks and a shy little smile and a new phone number in her pocket. It was a such a classic Penelope move that her first real boyfriend would be her only.

For those of you interested in astrology, Penelope is a Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, and Virgo Rising.

She loves to say she is from both Toronto and Vancouver as they are both totally different worlds and both are home to people who mean the most to her; nothing is more important to Penelope than family. Her favourite colour is pink, she loves to attend live theatre and can’t stand horror movies, she loves receiving flowers as little gifts, and her favourite meal is her grandmother’s fettuccini alfredo or literally anything Christian makes, especially steak. She has a bit of a posh flare when it comes to her taste.

Penelope’s songs are:

Penelope by Andrew McMahon In the Wilderness

Magnolia by Eric Clapton (feat. John Mayer)

Face Claims:

Baby Penelope’s face-claim (ABM1 Era) is from @/mrsjessicaroberts on Instagram. These photos are not mine, all credit belongs to her

Teenage Penelope’s face-claim (ABM2 Era) is 2019 Nessa Barrett (@/nessabarrett on Instagram). These photos are not mine, all credit belongs to her

#anything but mine #🌸#daniel seavey #why dont we #oc #character profile

11 notes · View notes

brightsun-and-darkmidnight · 4 years ago

Text

Stubborn Independence

TITLE: Stubborn Independence

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 7/10

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach?

AUTHOR'S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin's company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki's plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.

Tags: @cateyes315 (I hope this helps your day!!!)

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

~ ~ ENJOY ~ ~

"Niagara Falls here we come!" Sirena cheered once everyone was ready to get in the cars.

It was a long drive but being in Sirena's vehicle was all the entertainment he needed.

With music playing on the radio for a little, then phones hooked up to play personal songs. Then to stay awake Sirena put on funny podcasts. There wasn't a dull moment the the entire time. Once at the hotel they rested for a little then went to a restaurant to eat.

Loki whispered to Sirena with a hand on her thigh to catch her attention. "Darling let me pay."

Sirena pouted but her eyes showed the thoughts going through her mind. "Can I buy you something as a souvenir?"

Loki knew she had issues with being spoiled but they were making progress. With a little squeeze to her thigh, "Of course."

Tony had a pamphlet with the map of the falls and the trails.

They all went to look at the shops for a while then when it got dark they went back to the hotel and relaxed, tired from the traveling and everyone wanted to get an early start tomorrow.

Loki got a shower first then Sirena got hers. Loki was drying his hair with a towel when she came out.

She was blow drying her hair in all different parts to her hair.

Loki had to know, "What are you doing?"

"This is what I do to get my hair…" she flipped her hair dramatically, "flippy."

"So that is your secret to hair always looking nice."

"Yep. Come here I can do yours."

Loki went to her and sat in the desk chair of the room. Her fingers were gentle in his hair and he found himself relaxing until Sirena stopped for a second to turn off the dryer. Her fingers returned to Loki's hair and massaged his scalp then shoulders. Loki was in bliss, he couldn't recall the last time he had a massage.

She commented quietly. "You carry a lot of stress…"

Loki breathed relaxed, "Yeah." He hummed once she found a good spot. "My father is planning on giving either Thor or I the company… Thor has been slacking and his grades are not the best."

Loki heard Sirena's heavy sigh. "So that's why you have been working so much at your job and programing more."

"Yes." Loki's pleased sounds made her laugh. "That feels really good."

Loki felt more pressure on a particular space on his shoulder blades that made him moan out. He heard her amusement as she spoke.

"With the near sinful sounds coming out of you I wouldn't be surprised of everyone's idea of what we are doing."

"I haven't had a massage in forever."

"My hands are getting tired. Do you want me to go over anything again?"

Loki was grateful for the massage and put his hands on hers. He moved her to the front and hugged her with her in between his legs. Her hands went to his head and she smiled down at him.

"I love you."

Sirena giggled. "I love you too."

Loki stood and gave her a kiss to which Sirena deepened. They were both out of breath by the time they separated.

Loki seen the time and Sirena did too.

Sirena asked, "I guess we should go to sleep?"

Loki grumbled out of annoyance of his body's reaction to the kiss. "If we want to get an early start."

She spoke as she set up her area, "I am going to hog the blankets, kick you off the bed and punch you when you try to get it back. THAT is why I have this blanket."

Loki chuckled, "Even in your sleep you are a fireball."

"Yep. Unfortunate for you though." Sirena laughed as she got in the bed.

Sirena laid on her side to face him. "Goodnight Loki."

"Goodnight Sirena."

The night was hell for Loki.

Sirena was peacefully asleep while Loki fought for his blanket. Eventually he abandoned the bed to set the thermostat up higher so there would be no need for blankets… but then Sirena wouldn't stop moving, thus keeping him up. He decided to hold onto her to try and keep her still and thankfully it worked.

Sirena had a silly smile, "Did you hold me all night?"

Loki yawned before answering. "No. But I will start tonight off that way. It was like I was sleeping with a tornado."

Sirena groaned, "Oh my god its so hot."

Loki went to adjust the thermostat. "I put the heat on so I didn't need to wrestle you for the blanket."

"Was I that bad?"

Loki held back the growl. "I don't mean to sound rude but yes. The only way to keep you still was to hold you."

She looked sheepish, "sorry." She got up and went to her bag, getting clothes and walked to the bathroom. "Do you want to lay down and I can go get breakfast for you?"

"I will be ok. I will drink some caffeine."

Loki needed to apologize to her for his short responses. He knew he would be fine after breakfast but he still felt terrible.

She came out of the bathroom looking beautiful as always but she was noticeably upset.

"Sirena I am sorry for my abrupt responses. I will be fine after breakfast."

"Its ok. I know I am not the best at sharing a bed with." She gave him a big smile, "thanks for the apology. That means so much."

Loki kissed her forehead before going to the bathroom.

There were a few shops they went into and Sirena bought him a huge mug that came with a spoon for his tea.

Loki held the mug and cheerfully said, "Thank you."

Tony called for everyone's attention, "Where does everyone wanna eat tonight?"

Sirena shrugged at Loki as everyone threw ideas around. Loki got to pay for dinner again and that was what mattered most.

After getting back to the hotel and got ready for bed, Loki held Sirena and sleep went much better than last night.

Once the new semester started Loki valued each moment he could get with Sirena.

#brightsun-and-darkmidnight #Stubborn Independence #chapter 7 #loki #college au

4 notes · View notes

pufflyhallows · 6 years ago

Text

Happiness

Gif not mine

Pairing: Remus Lupin x reader

Summary: Remus has been distancing himself from you as he realized something that broke his heart.

Warnings: ANGST, language

Word count: 4,7k

********

You felt worn out. Your relationship with Remus had become a puzzle and it was nearly impossible to solve it. To say you were tired was an understatement. You had spent nights awake trying to understand what had happened to the fire you two had when you first started dating, six years ago. It felt like he didn’t love you anymore. He had been so distant and cold towards you, always avoiding conversations and touches. It was hurting you so bad, and the fact that you didn’t even know why he was acting that way made things worse. It had all started so suddenly.

One Monday night, when he got home from work, he went straight to your shared bedroom without saying a word to you, who was sitting on the couch in the living room, waiting for him. Your heart ached, but by that time you were already used to it. He did the same thing on Tuesday, and then Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Why was he doing that to you?

On Saturday, he told you he had plans with Sirius and left you alone the entire day. Sunday, you were the one who left him alone.

You knocked at the door and waited. A few seconds later, a tired James opened it.

“Y/N! Come in, come in,” he stepped aside so you could enter the house, “Lily is upstairs putting Harry to sleep. I was trying to cook something for lunch, but I’m having a surprisingly hard time.”

“Do you want some help?” you asked, taking off your coat and hanging it on the coat hook.

“If Lily was around, I would say no because you’re a guest, but… yes, please.”

You smiled and followed him to the kitchen.

After a few minutes, you managed to save his spaghetti while he made pumpkin juice.

“So,” James said as he set the table for three, “How’s Moony?”

“Good,” you lied, you didn’t want to take the risk of James telling Remus that you were worried, “Just working a lot.”

“Oh yeah, I totally get that.”

“And how’s little Harry?” you asked, leaning on the sink and crossing your arms.

“Showing me that parenting is harder than a Quidditch match in a stormy night against the Irish National Team all by yourself,” he sighed, “but also a lot more gratifying.”

You shared a grin before Lily came in the kitchen.

“I knew I had heard the voice of an angel,” she joked.

“Aw, babe!” James covered his mouth with one hand and placed the other on his chest, in a fake flattered manner.

“I was talking about Y/N,” she playfully rolled her eyes and came closer to hug you.

You hugged her back tightly. You needed that so bad and Lily could tell immediately that you weren’t okay.

“How are you?” she whispered in your ear through the hug.

“Good,” you lied again, knowing that Lily would take the hint and not bring up the subject in front of James.

“Let’s eat,” she smiled at you after you let go of each other.

That was the best lunch you had in weeks. Not because of the food, but because the people with you simply acknowledged your presence at the table, something that wasn’t happening when you were with Remus.

Your conversation with James and Lily was interrupted by a crying Harry. James went upstairs to put him back to sleep, leaving you and Lily alone in the kitchen.

“What’s wrong?” she asked as soon as she heard James closing the door.

“Remus,” you replied, already feeling the tears coming, “I think he doesn’t love me anymore.”

“What?! That’s impossible, Y/N. Remus is completely in love with you. What makes you think that?”

“He’s been so distant and so cold! He doesn’t talk to me anymore. It’s like he’s always in his mind, never here with me. Do you get what I’m trying to say?”

“I do. Have you tried asking him why?”

“I have! He says nothing has changed, that he’s fine, that it’s all in my head. But I know it’s not! I know something is up. Remus is not like that at all.”

Lily didn’t know what to say. It seemed like you had already tried to fix things. And you had! She didn’t know how she could help you.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” she offered.

“I don’t know… Maybe. I don’t wanna break up with him, Lily,” you said as the tears began to fall down, “But sometimes I feel like that’s the only option.”

“No, it’s not! We’ll figure it out. Just give me a second.”

She thought about it for a couple of minutes while you played with the food on your plate before she spoke again.

“Listen, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m gonna convince James to leave Harry with a babysitter so we can have a night out on Friday. I’m gonna invite Sirius, Peter, Marlene and Dorcas. And you invite Remus, but make sure he goes with you. If he says he doesn’t want to, use the excuse of me and James being too busy and never having the chance to go out with you guys or whatever. Use your creativity! The rest is on me.”

“What are you going to do?” you frowned.

“I’m just gonna talk to him. Don’t worry.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The week went by rather quickly. You decided to talk to Remus only on Thursday night, so he wouldn’t have much time to change his mind in case he said yes.

When you were silently having dinner, you cleared your throat.

“Remus?” you called, received a ‘hm’ in response and he didn’t look up at you, which was something quite discouraging, but you kept going. “I forgot to tell you, but Lily and James found a nice babysitter to stay with Harry tomorrow night. They’re going to this party and… they want us to go too as it’s been a while since they last went out with us.”

Your boyfriend stopped cutting the meat on his plate.

“I think Sirius mentioned it yesterday. I’m not sure if I want to go, though,” he said, looking down at his food.

“But they never get to go out now. They’re counting on us, Remus,” you argued.

“You can go, Y/N,” he finally looked up at you.

“I don’t want to go alone.”

“Sorry, I’m not in the mood,” he stated in his usual cold tone and started cutting his meat again, as if the conversation was over.

“Please, Rem,” you practically begged, “If not for me, for them.”

Your boyfriend sighed, apparently giving in, but you still needed to hear him say.

“Okay.”

“Thank you,” you smiled sadly and reached for his hand, but he moved it away to grab his glass, a visible excuse.

Twenty four hours later, you were having a shower. The outfit you had picked for the occasion was one Remus was really fond of. Maybe that would help, you didn’t know.

When you left the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around you, Remus was already dressed up, just putting on his shoes.

“Am I late?” you asked jokingly, hoping he would joke back.

“No,” he answered coldly again, “I’ll be waiting for you outside.”

“Okay,” you replied in a hurt, quiet tone.

That made Remus hesitate before leaving the room, which gave you hope he still cared. But he did leave without saying anything, so it didn’t really matter.

You put on your dress and sighed. The first time you wore that dress, Remus said he had never seen a more beautiful woman. The memory made you feel sad.

Shrugging off the feeling, you put on your makeup quickly as it was close to the time Lily had asked you to show up. When you were satisfied with the result, you grabbed your purse and left the room.

“I’m ready,” you announced as you stepped in the living room.

While you searched for your wand, Remus watched you. He couldn’t look away, you looked so beautiful. That dress... He remembered the first time he saw you in that dress. It was your fourth anniversary and you celebrated it by going out at night by yourselves. It was just the two of you freely wandering around town. You went to a fancy restaurant and had dinner, vowing to never go back there again because you had spilled wine on the white tablecloth, and then you went to a club, not staying long because it was too hot. He remembered you joking that the two of you could act like a young couple in a hour and as an old one in the next. He remembered all that in a second.

“Found it,” you whispered more to yourself than him and put the wand in your purse, “Let’s go?”

He nodded slowly and you held his hand. The moment you touched him, you realized it was the first time in days. You two disapparated and soon were standing in front of the big house where the party would take place. There were people everywhere: in the front yard, inside the house, on the porch, in the backyard… Every part of the house was full.

Remus let go of your hand and you both entered the house. The music was really loud inside and there were so many people that you lost sight of him. You looked around and didn’t see him anywhere, until a hand was gently placed on your waist. It was your boyfriend. That small action made you feel the butterflies from the beginning of your relationship, probably because you hadn’t been that intimate in weeks.

“I saw Sirius,” Remus said in your ear, “This way.”

You followed him to a corner of the house, where Sirius and Marlene were talking.

“Moony! Y/N! I’m glad you’re here,” Sirius hugged Remus and then you.

“Me too,” you smiled at him, “Hey, Marls.”

“Hey, babe,” she hugged you tight and greeted Remus, “Do you guys want a drink?”

“I do,” you replied, but Remus shook his head.

Marlene handed you a shot of… whatever that was and you quickly downed it.

“Where are the others?” you asked.

“Peter said he was going to the bathroom and disappeared. Dorcas is snogging a girl over there and James and Lily haven’t arrived yet,” Sirius answered.

“They haven’t?” you frowned, “Do you think they had a problem with the babysitter?”

“Last time I talked to Lily, which was an hour ago, everything was good,” Marlene said, “They’re probably just late.”

Remus was quiet, just observing the people in the house and regretting going to that party.

“Whose house is this?” he asked Sirius.

“I don’t know,” the young man shook his head, “An acquaintance of Lily, I think.”

“There they are,” Marlene pointed at behind you and you turned around quickly. James and Lily walked towards you with smiles on their faces. You felt the nervousness build up in your core as you knew the time was coming closer.

“Oh, how I missed loud music and crowded environments!” James joked as he hugged each person of the group. Lily did the same.

“I’m glad you could make it,” she said in your ear, “Now just relax and enjoy the party, preferably away from Remus.”

“What?” you frowned at her. Your boyfriend was talking to his fellow Marauders a few steps away from you and Lily.

“Trust me. He’s not gonna tell me anything with you around,” she explained, “Go have fun with Marls, she already knows.”

“You told her?” you looked shocked at Lily.

“Not everything. I just asked her to make you company. Don’t worry, I’m not a snitch,” she poked you in the rib.

“Okay,” you breathed, “I think I need more drinks.”

You spotted a bar on the other side of the house and decided it was a good call to go there with Marlene. You invited her to join you and she gladly accepted.

When you walked away, Lily approached Remus.

“Okay, why don’t you have a drink in your hand?” she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Sorry, Lily. I’m not drinking tonight,” he chuckled at the facial expression she had after he said that.

“No friend of mine will stay sober at this party,” she warned him, “James, can you grab a drink for Rem here?”

“Lily, it’s really not necess-”

“Sure!” James replied and walked over to the bar.

“You have no choice, Moony,” Sirius said, “What Lily wants, Lily gets.”

“Good boy,” she teased.

“Yeah, I guess I don’t,” Remus sighed.

“Hey, guys,” Peter approached them. He had a lipstick stain on his neck.

“Way to go, Wormy!” Sirius laughed and patted his friend on the shoulder.

“I-I got lost,” Peter tried to explain himself.

Lily and Remus smiled at each other, knowing for a fact that it was a complete shameless lie.

“Here it is,” James arrived with Remus’ drinks, “Two shots of tequila for starters.”

“Two?!” your boyfriend looked at his friend with widen eyes, “Don’t you think that’s too much?”

“Nope,” Lily answered before James had the chance, “Now down it like a big boy.”

James handed Remus the drinks and went back to the bar to get more for his friends and himself.

“Okay,” Remus took a deep breath and downed the first shot. It burned everything it touched, but the feeling actually felt nice. Before he could change his mind, he downed the second one.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Sirius grinned when James came back with more drinks.

The small group of friends started drinking, chatting and dancing. Lily was the only one who wasn’t drinking alcohol, as she was a breastfeeding mom, and she also wanted to stay in her right mind so she could execute her plan.

Dorcas joined them after a while, looking for Marlene. When Lily told her where she was, the girl left towards the bar.

“Hello, my beautiful girls,” she greeted you and Marlene.

“Hey, Dork,” Marlene replied with the nickname Dorcas hated, receiving the middle finger in return.

“I came here to demand a dance. Let’s go,” she pulled you and Marlene to the improvised dance-floor, leaving your drinks behind.

The three of you started moving to the fast beat of the song. It didn’t take long for a guy to show up and start hitting on Marlene, who began to dance with him. Seeing that, you felt sad. How you missed dancing like that with Remus. You wondered if Lily was talking to him at that point.

At the other side of the house, Sirius was already dancing with a girl he had approached. Peter had gone missing again and James and Lily talked to Remus.

When Lily saw the opportunity, she asked James to go get more drinks for them, which he did, leaving her alone with Remus. She needed to check if it was time to make a move.

“Y/N is dancing over there,” she said and Remus looked over to the dance-floor, seeing you with Dorcas, “Why don’t you join her?”

“I don’t really dance,” he replied. She knew that was a lie, which meant she needed him to drink more for her plan to work.

James came back with more shots and handed a couple to Remus. Since he was loosening up already, he didn’t reject the drinks. He downed them quickly and shook his head to get rid of the burning feeling. Lily watched patiently, waiting for him to get tipsy. She moved closer to James and whispered in his ear, asking him to go look for Peter because ‘she was worried’. The young man did as his wife asked and left the two friends alone again. She felt bad for using James like that, but it was for a greater good.

When Lily saw Remus starting to move to the beat of the song, she knew the time was coming closer and closer.

“So, what’s up, Rem?” she approached him, dancing as well. She needed him as comfortable as possible.

“Nothing different from usual,” he answered, “There’s this really annoying guy at work, though, who is driving me crazy.”

“Tell me about him.”

From across the house, you tried to see where Remus was, but the place was too crowded for that.

“Relax, Y/N,” Marlene put an arm around your shoulder, “Here.”

She gave you another shot of tequila and you downed it. You sure needed to relax.

“Thanks,” you smiled at her.

“You’re welcome, hun.”

“Excuse me,” a guy said next to you, “I couldn’t not watch you from where I was. You’re really beautiful. Can I have a dance?”

You looked at him quite surprised. Was he talking to you or Marlene?

“Of course you can,” she replied pushing you towards him. “It’s just a dance. Relax,” she added as a whisper in your ear and walked away back to the bar, leaving you alone with the guy.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Y/N,” you answered unsure.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Tom,” he smiled and reached for your hand, placing a soft kiss on it. You felt really uncomfortable with that, you couldn’t do it.

“Nice to meet you too, Tom. I’m sorry, but I have a boyfriend and he’s here at the party,” you explained, stepping back.

“Really? Wow,” he frowned, “What kind of man leaves his gorgeous girlfriend alone at a party?”

You didn’t say anything, feeling too embarrassed for that. Tom walked away and approached another girl, probably using the same pick-up line.

You sighed.

“What was that?” Marlene showed up next to you.

“‘Of course you can’, huh?” you gave her a bitter look, “You know I couldn’t do that to Remus.”

“It was just a dance!” she protested, “It’s no harm.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” you shook your head and walked away.

At the opposite side of the house, Lily danced with Remus.

“…and then he said I needed to read more about those potions,” he snorted, “As if I didn’t know about them already. I was the one who brought them up in the first place!”

“Yeah, that guy is an idiot,” Lily nodded. She had to make Remus comfortable, which meant she had to listen to everything he had to say before she could ask the things she wanted to know.

“He is,” Remus agreed. He was really tipsy by now, letting out all the things that bothered him, even the silliest ones.

“But tell me, Rem. How’s everything at home?”

“It’s...” he looked around, searching for you. When he remembered you were far away with the girls, he looked back at Lily, “It’s terrible. I’m an asshole.”

“Don’t say that, you’re not an asshole,” Lily touched his shoulder, “What happened?”

“I can’t give Y/N what she wants and deserves,” he answered, starting to dance again.

“And what is that?”

“A future like yours with James. You know, get married, have children… all that.”

“And why don’t you want that?”

“What?! You think I don’t want that?” he laughed, “Of course I want that! I just can’t...”

“I don’t understand.”

“Come with me,” Remus clumsily took Lily’s hand and pulled her to the front yard, where the music was muffled and they could talk, “Do you really wanna know what happened?”

Lily nodded, worried and slightly scared.

“After Harry was born, Y/N started talking about her future and how she wants to get married and have her own baby one day. But I can’t give her that. I don’t want Y/N to have the eternal responsibility of watching over me during my transformations. I can’t do that to her, I can’t be a burden. And I can’t even imagine how it would be if we had a baby and they were like me! I don’t have the strength to break up with her, because she is the love of my life. So I’m here, being an asshole, hoping that she’ll realize all of this by herself and dump me, so she can find the right man for her, who will make her happy. But I’m also dreading the day that happens because, like I said, she is the love of my life. And it kills me every day that I’m hurting her, but I don’t know how to deal with this. I am an idiot, Lily, and that’s what happened.”

Lily looked at Remus completely speechless. She didn’t even know how to react. That was too much. She wanted to help! But she didn’t know how.

“Remus,” her voice barely came out as a whisper, “Y/N loves you more than anything in this world.”

The man looked away.

“Talk to her,” she gently held his chin to make him look back at her, “Just talk to her.”

“I can’t,” he shook his head and stepped back, “I’m sorry.”

With a loud crack, Remus disapparated.

Lily rushed back to the house, searching for you, but she found only Marlene and Dorcas talking to each other with their drinks in their hands by the bar.

“Where’s Y/N?” she asked Marlene and the girl sighed.

“I fucked up. She went home.”

“What do you mean you fucked up?!”

“I wanted her to have fun! But she said she couldn’t do it to Remus,” Marlene replied in a clumsy way, visibly drunk, “Then she walked away saying that the party was a mistake and disapparated. I think she was crying.”

“Shit, Marls!” Lily took a deep breath, trying not to panic.

“I’m sorry! Okay?! I didn’t mean to upset her,” Marlene downed her drink aggressively.

“It’s not your fault,” Lily shook her head, “She’s upset about something else.”

“Lily, relax. Have a drink,” Dorcas handed her a glass, “Y/N will be fine.”

“I should go to her apartment, talk to her…”

“Been there, done that. She made it very clear that she wants to be alone,” Dorcas raised an eyebrow, “She’s not drunk. She’ll be fine.”

Dorcas managed to calm Lily down a little, but she was still worried. Her plan had not only failed, but also taken a completely unexpected turn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You apparated in your apartment sobbing. Dorcas came after you trying to fix what Marlene had done, but she hadn’t done anything wrong, she wasn’t the reason you had left the party. You asked Dorcas to go away, reassuring her you would be fine, you just needed to put your thoughts in order.

What kind of man leaves his girlfriend alone?

“The kind that doesn’t love you anymore,” you whispered to yourself through the tears.

You fell on the couch and cried for a while, trying desperately to get rid of the tightness in your chest. Everything was so overwhelming, you felt so exhausted. You just wanted those feelings to go away… You knew it didn’t really make sense to cry about it, but you couldn’t help it. Maybe you kept it locked for too long...

You gathered the remaining strength in your body and stood up from the couch, your steps faltering a little towards the bathroom. You didn’t take off your clothes before turning the shower on.

You lost track of time in there. The thought of not being loved by the man you loved so much was haunting you.

Six years. Six years of building a strong, solid love…

“Happy anniversary,” he smiled, wrapping his arms around you.

“The first of many,” you smiled back and pressed your lips on his.

The stubborn memories flashed through your head as if Remus was fucking dead.

“Would you… um… Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me? Like, on a date,” he asked nervously.

“Yes! I would love to.”

You got out of the shower and took off all your clothes, throwing them on the floor.

“I’m Y/N,” you held out your hand.

“Remus,” he shook it.

You opened your wardrobe and grabbed the first thing you saw to put on. Barefoot and with your hair still humid, you went to the kitchen. You needed a hot cup of tea. Lily was probably talking to him at that moment and you felt a bit silly for breaking down so prematurely.

But then you heard it. The familiar loud crack, being followed by heavy and fast steps that went straight to the bedroom.

You put the empty cup back in the cupboard and took a deep breath. Should you go there? Lily had already talked to him, probably. Or maybe not. You couldn’t know.

You thought you would hear him do the usual: take a shower and go to bed; but you didn’t hear anything. The apartment was quiet. You began to worry. Deciding it was a waste of time to just stand there thinking, you walked towards the closed door.

When you touched the doorknob, you heard a sniff. Was he… was he crying?

You opened the door and saw Remus sitting on your shared bed, resting his elbows on his knees and with his head down, a suitcase by his side. He looked up at you with a surprised look, allowing you to see the tears falling down.

“What are you doing?” you asked, looking at the suitcase.

“I thought… I thought you were at the party,” he replied. At least, he was talking.

“What’s the bag for?” you pointed at it.

Remus looked at it and immediately started to cry more intensely, hiding his face on his hands, sobbing.

“Rem…” you sat on the bed by his side and pulled him for a hug, your tears falling down as well, “What’s going on?”

You knew the answer, but you refused to accept it. There was a tiny little part of you that still had hope he would say anything but ‘I’m leaving’.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he sobbed, hiding his face on the crook of your neck this time, “I can’t.”

You hugged him tighter, placing one hand on the back of his head and slowly caressing his hair.

“Shh… Breathe.”

“I can’t,” he repeated, “I have to go.”

“You’re drunk,” you whispered in his ear, trying to hold back the tears and be the rational one in the situation, “You’re not thinking straight.”

“Can’t you see, Y/N?” he let go of you to look in your eyes, the view you had was heartbreaking, he was a mess, “I’m no good for you.”

“That is complete nonsense, Remus. What happened? Why are you saying all of this?”

“I can’t marry you,” he sobbed, earning a shocked look from you, “I can’t give you a family. I know that’s what you want! And I want it too but… I’m a monster, I can’t do that to you.”

“Do what?” you frowned, “You’re not a monster!”

Remus shook his head and stood up.

“I would be a burden to you. In fact, I already am,” he looked at you, the tears never stopping from falling, “And how would I ever forgive myself if I knowingly risk passing on my own condition to an innocent child?”

“Rem… You are not and you never will be a burden,” you stood up as well, “You’re the man I love!”

“Y-You need someone to make you happy and I’m not-”

“You already make me happy!”

“I can’t give you what you want!”

“I want you!” you broke down, sitting on the bed again as you felt your knees weaken. You hid your face on your hands just like your boyfriend had done before, sobbing.

Remus watched you without knowing what to do. It killed him to see you like that because of him. But he had to do it! He had to set you free so you could be happy.

“You don’t love me anymore…” you said between sobs, suddenly, “Just tell me already. It’s easier than coming up with all those shitty excuses to dump me.”

“Excuses?” Remus felt offended, “They’re the truth! I love you, Y/N. More than anything I’ve ever loved in my entire life. You are by far the best thing that ever happened to me. And I can’t ruin you like that…”

“Ruin me?” you moved your hands from your face so you could look at him, “I love you! How many times do I have to say this? All those things you mentioned – marriage, children – all that only matters if it’s with you! I want that with you. But if you don’t want to, it’s… it’s okay… I want you more than any of those things.”

Those words moved Remus deeply, because he knew how much having your own family meant to you, and if you were willing to give up on that for him… Merlin.

He stared at you, not knowing what to say. He also felt dizzy, but he couldn’t tell if it was the shock of the moment or the alcohol. Probably both.

“Come here,” you said, patting on the mattress beside you, after wiping your tears.

Remus slowly sat down next to you.

“You are drunk,” you whispered, taking his hand in yours, “Let’s go to bed. We can talk about this tomorrow.”

For your relief, he nodded.

You stood up and closed the door, while Remus changed his clothes.

Soon enough, you were both on the bed, lying down and looking up, a few inches apart.

The minutes went by and you could only hear his soft breathing, a sound that always made you feel safe.

You didn’t know how long it took for you to fall asleep, but you were sure the last thing you heard before closing your eyes was a heavy ‘I’m sorry’.

********

310 notes · View notes