#even though that’s absolutely not true I just see other people always on the grind and feel guilty for not wanting to do as much anymore

[raplinesmoon]

i think the thing that no one tells you about being forced into being a high achieving child/teen is how much it comes to fuck you over later in life when you can’t do anything without holding yourself to an insane level of perfectionism and then you realize it’s basically leeched all the fun out of any hobbies you created for yourself and left you with a shell of a personality

[ruggiesbiologicalfather]

NRC Boys When They're Sick

it's illness season baybee! so here you go!

Heartslabyul:

Riddle - it's a rare occurrence for him to fall ill but on the off chance that it happens, my boy is ready. he has a strict regimen of remedies on hand including face masks in heartslabyul red which he wears religiously. sadly, he sees illness as a moral failing and spends his time wondering how this could've possibly happened. he did everything right! curse this common cold! he makes trey take expert notes in class and deliver his homework to him so he can complete it immediately. no rest for true scholars!

Ace - massive baby. constantly whining. lord help his roommate. he's not NEEDY per se; he doesn't ask anyone for anything, he's just constantly reminding the world that he doesn't feel good. pity him or he gets grumpy

Deuce - tries to fight through it and convince everyone that he's not sick. the boy could be literally swaying on his feet and congested past the point of coherency and still say, "honor students don't get sick." slip him a few benadryl in his tea and he'll recover

Trey - two words: comfort snacks. he's pretty brave about being sick but he takes time off from classes and extracurriculars to make himself (or scavenge) some snacks. also hydration is key! he's a hot water with lemon kinda guy. god forbid he has the stomach flu and can't eat. he gets MAD

Cater - he never stays sick for very long. his recovery time is pretty impressive. however, while he's down he gets BORED. he starts out just playing on his phone in bed but without actual interaction he gets a little stir crazy. expect to receive a million messages while you are in class, several thousand of which are nonsensical videos that he finds hilarious due to copious amounts of benadryl

Savanaclaw:

Leona - barricades himself in his room with an "enter at your own risk" sign on the door (courtesy of ruggie). he spends his entire time trying to sleep but he's usually coughing so bad he keeps waking himself up. he's even more irritable than usual. ruggie manages to sneak in every few hours to deliver meds and snacks before fleeing the scene. once the sickness has passed, no one is allowed to mention it. business as usual

Ruggie - seasonal allergies warrior (sorry son, you get that from me :/). every time the seasons change, he gets a terrible case of the Yuck. luckily, he can always feel it coming so he pops four zyrtec a day (instead of the recommended One) until he obliterates the allergens. the grind never stops. godspeed my boy

Jack - the grind never stops but at what cost? he's so tired... so so tired. he tries to power through like a champ though. he spends his time off either studying or doing lighter versions of his regular workouts. and if you try to tell him to take it easy, he'll hit you with: "actually it's fine to do moderate workouts if your symptoms are all above the neck." alright big dawg.

Octavinelle:

Azul - disappears. just straight up hides. people joke that it's because if the twins see any sign of physical weakness, they'll eat him. you laugh... but it might... nevermind. he doesn't want anyone to see him sick. but if you manage to get a glimpse, you'll see he looks absolutely AWFUL. like moments from death. just let him hole up in the dark for a while. after all, that's the octopus instinct

A Note About The Twins - they always fall one right after the other: jade goes down first, floyd goes down harder. and it's always in the most inconvenient way. jade will be down for a few days and just when you think he's over it, floyd goes down in the exact same way

jade - he's fucking MEAN. he drops the snide, tongue-in-cheek, gentleman act and is a nightmare to interact with. if azul tells him to do literally anything at all, instead of giving his usual mischievous compliance, he will straight up tell him, "i hope someone deep fries you." it's terrifying. while he's in the throes of illness, azul makes himself scarce. and you do too especially after last time when you found out that moray eels actually have two sets of teeth. yeah... never again

floyd - immediately turns into a ragdoll filled with concrete. he's always found face-down in the middle of his bedroom floor and cannot be convinced to move. if you want him to rest in bed, you best prepare a team to haul him up there because he will not do it on his own. and he always spikes a fever of over a hundred no matter what kind of illness it is. it's kind of scary and you think he's gonna die. but then he just pops back up like it's normal. no easing back into health. just boom, bang, back to work

Scarabia:

Kalim - Must! Be! Babied! because he's so well taken care of all of the time, he doesn't get sick with minor things. it's always a huge event. he gets whiny and clingy and doesn't want to be by himself. jamil, of course, is constantly hovering through his recovery. however, as he's being babied, he's really in remarkably high spirits. just get him some soup and play a game with him and he'll be fine

Jamil - you'd have no idea he was sick if it wasn't for the dark circles under his eyes. as you know, he's very dedicated to his job so he doesn't take time off if he can help it. sometimes he can't help it, especially when it comes to stomach viruses. he is EXTREMELY emetophobic. he would rather lay completely still, barely breathing, than throw up. kalim tries to reciprocate the babying he enjoys but jamil is not receptive. just leave him alone

Pomfiore:

Vil - very self-sufficient. he insists that rest and hydration is the key and has a million little holistic remedies for any ailment. he is GLUED to his humidifier. he also takes this time to have a little self-care day. extra-long bath, face mask, mediation, the works. it's really quite peaceful. but NO ONE under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES is allowed to see him. the only person allowed in his room is rook (to deliver supplies) and even then the lights are off and vil is hiding. he declares loudly that he's HIDEOUS but you doubt that's true

Rook - never gets sick. like... to a suspicious degree. he could tongue-kiss patient zero and skip away merrily like nothing happened. there has been one time in your entire time knowing him that you've seen him almost sick and it was barely a sore throat. according to him, it's due to a combination of a naturally strong immune system and pomfiore's dedication to wellness. whatever it is, you can't help but wonder if he's lying

Epel - comatose due to horrific amounts of cough syrup. he doesn't have time for illness; it's harvest season and country boys make do

Ignihyde:

Idia - gets sick ALL THE TIME. styx was such a sterile environment that he never built immunity to common viruses. any time he needs to be out and about for whatever reason, there's a 50/50 shot he's going to come down with something. and you'd think he'd be a whiny baby about it but ortho always discovers him lying in his bed in a mostly dissociative state. because he never got sick as a kid in styx, he never learned to take care of himself so it's up to ortho to get him back on his feet

Ortho - with all due respect, this is a robot. you'll be involved in the next post buddy. hang in there

Diasomnia:

Sebek - his ears get clogged every. single. time. so imagine sebek's voice right... now imagine he can't hear. the entire dorm is aware when he's feeling stuffed up. of course, he insists on staying up malleus' ass as usual but he does so with kn95 masks, surgical gloves up to his elbows, and an honestly insane amount of hand sanitizer

Silver - i feel like it's obvious that his way of dealing with sickness is to just sleep it off. his body is already so prone to exhaustion that any fatigue just makes it ten times worse. but he doesn't like to fight through it alone. any time he gets sick, he makes his way into his father's bed and curls up there instead of in his own. lilia knows all the ways to make him feel better. he teases him a little, saying he's far too old to be coddled and soothed to sleep. but in reality, he doesn't mind. it's nice to have his little boy back for a while

Lilia - being sick doesn't really bother him much. it's a part of life and he's been around long enough to know how to deal with it. the biggest problem comes from his back. the physical exhaustion from illness means that the pain he feels is intensified. sometimes, he's bed-bound for a day or more. in those times, it's silver's turn to take care of him for a change. he likes to make little jokes about it, saying things like "ah yes, this is why you have children. good job taking care of your old man." he doesn't want anyone else to know what's going on and silver would never tell

Malleus - you always know malleus is ill by the wailing cry that emanates from sebek. he has failed his lord! how could he possibly forgive himself!? sebek tries to help but lilia has to shoo him away. in times like these, his reptile instincts kick in. he squeezes himself under his bed and barely moves at all. every few hours, lilia wiggles under there and asks if he needs to moisten him with a spray bottle to which malleus responds with spitting a few sparks directly in his face as a warning. he doesn't like to be bothered. he'll crawl out when he's ready

[overstuffd]

🎭Choose your mask 🎭

@fatguarddog's Feedist Kinktober ✨ Day 2

Masquerade Ball 💃

Ingredients: witchy, sorcerer feeder, magical weight gain, mind control, letting the beast inside out.

🎭🎭🎭

What do you mean you don't have a mask for the ball?

Here, come look at my selection. No, I insist - really.

You know why I throw these parties, don't you? To encourage people to bring out their true nature. So choose your mask carefully. The effects can be quite - profound.

The boar mask? A strong choice. The boar takes what he wants, voraciously.

Food, drink, pleasure - a boar gluts themself to absolute excess. Always indulging, always seeking greater satisfaction.

We'd have to lead you straight to buffet table, let you pile a plate high with rich delicacies while someone presses a huge glass of wine into your hand.

The more you eat and drink though, the less satisfied you feel - and soon you're tearing strips of meat straight from the roasts on the long table and pushing them into your mouth with grease stained fingers. You chug wine straight from the flagon, deep red dripping from the corners of your mouth.

When there's no more room in your belly, you'll still crave greater release. That's when you mount some poor doe or rabbit mask wearer in the middle of the hall, chasing more pleasure as you grunt and moan like the hog you are.

No? How about the cow mask? The big, glazed eyes in the mask make the world look softer, gentler - just like you will be soon.

You'll find more cow-mask wearers here tonight. They'll be gathered on soft cushions together around a huge, low table piled with delicious treats. Cream cakes, cheese stuffed pastries, fried rice balls dredged in rich sauce.

Your new friends will show you what to do. How to recline so you give your belly room to comfortably expand. How to slowly gorge yourself, washing bites down with one of the sweet, creamy drinks the servers keep bringing to you. How to rub your gut as it grows fuller, relieving the pressure from the feast you're casually stuffing yourself with.

Of course, it can be hard to get relief by yourself. I'm sure some of the other partygoers will be happy to help. There's a gentleman in a bull mask and nothing else who I'm sure would be happy to help soothe your tight stomach, and if your moans happen to get him excited, well - you can return the favour.

The last choice? Ah - the hound mask. Choose this one and you'll stay by my side all evening. Don't worry, I won't let you miss a moment of all the enjoyment.

I'll have the servers bring over a selection of my favourite treats and hand feed them to you as you sit so nicely at my feet. See how the mask wraps around your neck? I can clip this chain right there and make sure you don't get up to any mischief.

I'll make sure you don't go thirsty either, letting you lap sweet wine from my goblet. If I like the way it makes you blush and rub against my thighs I'll pour you your own bowl, letting the chain out just a little so you can drop to all fours and lap it up for me.

I know you'll get worked up watching everyone else play together, but don't worry - I'll be kind enough to give you my boot to grind on as you warm my cock in your drooling mouth while I chat with some of the other guests.

If you do a very good job, I might just pull you into my lap and finish inside your soft hole, sinking my teeth into shoulder as you whine like needy dog you are.

[comradekarin]

I do agree that people will hate Farleigh and then worship Felix because yk racism but let's not act like Farleigh wasn't an asshole. You're downplaying his actions just to make him look good but you should be arguing that asshole characters of colour are easily hated when compared to their white counterparts. You don't have to lie about "oh he's not even bad y'all are dramatic" because at the end of the day he's an asshole rich boy just like Felix just like everyone else.... 😐

Sorry it just annoys me because as a poor Black person who went to school with Farleighs it grinds my gears to see you and others downplay his bad behaviour because of the racism he is facing. You can acknowledge the racism without making him an angel. Racism towards even the worst people is wrong because there is no excuse for racism (I am not saying Farleigh is the worst person ever btw, he's the same brand of asshole like Felix and everyone else obviously. They're family lol.)

i mean you’re absolutely right. he was an asshole. he was a dick, just like the rest of them was. personally for me, that’s apart of the appeal of this character. when I said “farleign was not that bad lmao” I meant that in response to everyone who has this visceral disgust for the stuff he does and says but not for anyone else. if I gave off the impression of “he did absolutely nothing wrong”, well… my bad lmao. the posts I have made are more shitpost-y in nature anyway, but they still hold some merit. i feel like this post really encapsulates my intent.

as someone who is also black, it is harmful to have this notion that poc characters have to be perfect and can’t have character flaws. part of being a good character is having flaws and faults. however, it’s just weird seeing farleigh being held to a very different standard than the other characters who have done the same shit he did (or, have done worse). it’s even weirder pretending his character is meant to be one dimensional, or just this huge asshole, while simultaneously being able to see the complexities in the rest of the cattons/oliver. i’ve even seen people hate him for reasons that aren’t even true if they actually paid attention (i.e him stealing or even being completely at fault for what happened to felix). my posts were never supposed to give “you guys are racist for not liking farleign”. boring, maybe, but racist? nah. they were supposed to give “you guys may have biases to address if the reasons you hate farleign is something you can overlook in the rest of the white cast”.

feel free to ask me anything else though, anon. i’m always up for healthy convo :)

[uchihakeimei]

The simp-ification of Kaisagi is my 13th reason, I'm not even gonna lie chief. Why, whyyy are most Kiis fics like that. Why is Isagi always the poor submissive uke who cries and begs, like, have you seen THEM?? Are y'all sure that any of them would be screaming and crying?? Let's be real, if Isagi saw Kaiser choking himself he would lend a helping hand 😭 God they're so amazing. And crazy. And sick. And batshit insane. I love them a normal amount, I swear-

And I love red-flag-Kaiser. Him being a total asshole, the master of gaslightining, of poor excuses and ghosting. The dude does NOT know how to handle a healthy relationship. He would go crazy if Isagi ever tried to ghost him for a whole day, though. Like, the nerve.

I'm absolutely living for the current Kaiser, crumbling and falling into desperation. I need to see him at his lowest, where not even Ness can help him up. I need to see Isagi step on him and rise. Yet I don't know how this will conciliate with my desire to see PXG win… My boy Rin needs to step on both of them and take his rightful crown. Ugh, I just love all of them. Can't both teams win?? Ego can change football rules, right??

(You brought up two ships that I absolutely despise too, NaruHina and SasuSaku. I barely consider them canon since it's just a poor attempt of catering to heteronormativity. To me they don't even exist. Yes, I do dislike Kainess, but not this much, at least it makes sense somehow. But Kishimoto straight up decided to pull these two ships out of his sorry ass lmfao) I sure would love to say that I miss Naruto, but then I end up remembering that shitty ending and the nostalgia fades… I do really miss its villains though!

Facts, sister.

I have never really understood the attraction in one person of a pairing being absolutely down bad for the other- like, is it really fun when it's so one sided?

In some fics, you can just see the author bias, like its so blatant- one partner is absolutely on their knees for the other.

(Although, I don't exactly mind if it's a pwp, iykwim, it's okay if that's Isagi's kink, no kinkshaming here ;p

Is it unrealistic? Possibly.

Is it kinda hot? Yes)

What really grinds my gears are the character driven fics in which none of them are actually in character.

I see this a lot in Victuuri fics too- some make Yuuri a total BAMF Badass and Victor's completely down bad for him- to the point that Victor's always the one apologising, no matter if Yuuri is in the wrong too.

Kaiser and his everything- character style, arc, personality- is so delicious, I just wanna gobble him up lol

If only everyone could win in a football match... (Ego make it happen please)

NaruHina and SasuSaku... I could rant about these two ships and the travesty that was the ending all day.

Hinata and Sakura and their obsession over those two was so pathetic. The fact that the boys were given to them as reward for persevering in their love makes me want to kill something. And everything after the war arc ended was a way rapidly drive off all the fans of the series.

Like, even if you somehow look past their shitty marriages of convenience and the sheer insult that was The Last, what the fuck was that Hokage Inauguration episode. The sheer anger I feel at the thought of that episode and the fact that people defend that bullshit is going to make me end up at the therapist. Naruto not getting to attend his own inauguration as Hokage was a garbage joke and nothing and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

Sasuke and Naruto deserved to end up together- and no, them being spirit brothers is a garbage reason to not ship them because it's not even fucking true. Transmigration and reincarnation are not synonyms, people.

Personally, I think Kishimoto also wanted them to end up together, but he wasn't allowed to do that. The official art is so couple-y, it's not even subtle. To say nothing of what he wrote in his own series.

Indeed KaiNess makes a hell of a lot more sense then SasuSaku and NaruHina. Atleast Kaiser and Ness are friends- toxic yes, but still friends.

[ahundredtimesover]

Hey there! 😊 I just wanted to send you some love for another great chapter! As seemingly heartbreaking and devastating as the whole thing is, I am glad you chose to go this route. It can be easy to think that they can work together and still get their happily ever after, but that's not how life works and I'm glad you chose not to go that route.

I also really like your timing for these events because they now know about each other's feelings, but her leaving keeps things from getting messy. If things had played out even just slightly different then their feelings for each other could cause more problems for them in the long run. However, by her resigning now, instead of waiting until the Arts Center is finished, it keeps things from becoming complicated and allows them to have a future if they want to. I will say the one thing that drives me nuts about these two though is they act as if her quitting means they can't have a relationship at all and it just makes me want to smack them lol.

I'm also very excited about her leaving for this position at Rkive because I always liked the idea of her working at the Arts Center, she really connected with it and the ideas behind it. Working at the publishing house would give her more creative experience and time to find the self-confidence she needs to believe that her skills and abilities are what got her the position, and that it has nothing to dow with her history with the Jeons. If she were to work at the Arts Center, it would be because she loves the work and believes she could have a good impact there.

Again, I absolutely loved the chapter - you always do such a great job - and I can't wait to see what happens next! 😊😁❤

Hiii I'm so sorry this is late but I'm here! And I love these thoughts! 💕

🚧 some spoilers 🚧

I get the appeal of a workplace romance but I chose to focus on the workplace romance buildup haha and my dramatic ass wanted all this drama bc why not! 🤭 But I get the timing thing that you're saying. Imagine staying after all that... It'll definitely be awkward and messy, and people could catch on, and that's attention that neither of them wants. As for them acting as if quitting means they can't have a relationship - that's true. It's something that people around them are wondering about, too.

But remember, there's that added layer of both of them doubting each other’s sincerity because their timing was off - he thinks her feelings are tied to her loyalty to the family bc she wasn't truthful about their past much earlier; she thinks he just wants the convenience of her being around bc he kissed her after he found out about her plans. It's not as easy as saying that she's now free so they could be together (and it's also not so much of her healing/finding herself before that) bc they're unsure of what the other person is feeling. So we'll see how they address this insincerity thing and be mature enough to go for what they want.

One of the things that also I wanted to show with this Rkive Publishing opportunity is that OC enjoys working, she enjoys the grind, she's a doer - what she was missing was the meaning of all that. At my old job, I was stressed to the bone and underpaid but I loved the work, I believed in it. And that's what OC wants. It doesn't help that she's 'alone' in Seoul, so there's a lot of the intimacy and connection - to her job, to her purpose, to herself, and with another person - that she's been yearning.

I know it's all so complex but thank you for sticking around and enjoying this story! 🥹🥹💕💕

[vacate-et-scire]

Hi! This is a request for the match up event :))

I'm an ENTJ who enjoys an active social life and hanging out with friends. I tend to take the lead in group settings, though I can be indecisive at times. People often see me as reliable and a bit of a "mother" figure, even though I'm the youngest in the group. Depending on my mood and company, I can be either extroverted or introverted, and moms especially seem to love me. I'm passionate about self-improvement, staying true to my values, and treating others with respect. I put a lot of effort into everything I do, from my academics to extracurriculars. I'm involved in Model United Nations, working on improving my grades, learning traditional Chinese, preparing for my cybersecurity major, and starting a social project to build my scholarship portfolio. My schedule is packed from 7 am to 10 pm with lessons and activities. Sometimes, I get moody or antisocial due to inner struggles, but I always manage to push through. I struggle with self-esteem because of past bullying, but I express myself through my unique fashion sense and the persona I present to the world. I can be forgetful, which sometimes makes me question my reliability, but my friends still see me as dependable. I also tend to yap alot and say the most brainrotted shit to my friends (they love me i swear chat).

I love reading and writing, and I'm into coding and game development, planning to make a restaurant-style game! I’m also into art, philosophy, and psychology. Greek mythology is a huge interest of mine, and I even write my own retellings. I enjoy musicals, anime (even though I got bullied for it and for cosplaying), and I’m really into makeup and fashion, even taking lessons in both. I also have skills in playing guitar, singing, sewing, drawing, and photography, and I used to do martial arts. On the side, I bake, do embroidery, arrange flowers, learn about stocks, and drawing. My lessons range from chemistry, biology, mandarin and math, to makeup, sewing, guitar, and coding. I also love stardew valley :3

When it comes to a partner, I come from a traditional household, so I expect him to be gentlemanly, hygienic, and well-groomed. I value maturity, independence, and the ability to surround oneself with positive influences. I want someone who shares similar interests and can keep up with my energy, while also knowing when to be more serious or relaxed.

Some random stuff:

- I like stuff related to sea animals

- I love chiikawa

- My favourite artists are Jorge riverra harrens, sabrina carpenter, and hozier

- Big fan of PJO

Im sorry that its so long! I wasnt quite sure how much to write..

I hope you have a wonderful day! And happy (soon) new years!! (*^▽^)/★*☆♪

Your Blue Lock Matchup: Sae Itoshi

Sae isn’t someone who’s going to come into your life guns blazing, showering you with compliments and cheesy lines. But that’s the beauty of it—he’s steady, composed, and absolutely driven, which matches your vibe perfectly. You’re out here managing a jam-packed schedule, chasing your goals, and putting your all into everything you do, and Sae? He gets that. Like, really gets it. He’s just as relentless when it comes to his own ambitions, and he’d respect the hell out of your hustle.

Here’s the thing about Sae: he’s not the type to hold your hand every step of the way, but that’s not what you’re looking for anyway, is it? You’re independent, strong-willed, and capable of running your own show. What Sae brings to the table is this quiet, unwavering support. He’d make sure you know he’s in your corner without having to say it outright. Like, if you’re drowning in your work for Model UN or your social project, he’s the kind of guy to silently drop off your favorite coffee and let you grind it out, no questions asked.

And let’s talk about how he’s basically the poster child for everything your traditional household values. Well-groomed? Check. Polite and respectful? Absolutely. He’s effortlessly put-together, which means you’re never going to have to remind him about basic hygiene or how to act in public (we love a low-maintenance king). He’s also mature beyond his years, which works perfectly for someone like you who needs a partner who can match your energy without being childish.

But here’s where it gets interesting. You’re all about passion and creativity, and while Sae isn’t going to sit down and sew with you or write out Greek mythology retellings, he’d absolutely listen. Like, you’re rambling about your latest coding idea or your makeup class, and he’s just sitting there, lowkey fascinated, even if he doesn’t fully get it. And when he does speak up? He’ll hit you with some out-of-nowhere insight that leaves you like, “how did you even think of that?”

Now, don’t get me wrong—Sae isn’t perfect. He’s not going to match your bubbly energy or dive headfirst into your chaotic, brainrotted convos with friends. But once he gets comfortable, he’ll throw in these dry, sarcastic one-liners that hit so hard you’ll be cackling for hours. It’s that “quietly funny” energy that sneaks up on you, and before you know it, you’re hooked.

The balance between you two is insane. You’ve got this ability to switch between extroverted and introverted depending on the mood, and Sae’s presence would be such a grounding force. He’d be there to hype you up when you’re owning a room and to give you space when you need to recharge. He wouldn’t push, but he’d always be there, steady and dependable, which is exactly what you need.

At the end of the day, Sae admires people who know what they want and work for it, and that’s you in a nutshell. He wouldn’t just see your strengths—he’d respect them, and that’s what makes him such a perfect match.

[jeramewrites2]

March 16 23

Good morning internet. This will be the start of something. I feel like I keep starting time and time and time again. My problem is finishing anything. I guess that is most people's problems but this is special because it is mine. I was watching a YouTube video yesterday and the topic of burr grinders came up. I have had the oxo one for I think about 3 or 4 years at this point. I make decent coffee. I don't go crazy. I have not bought a moka pot yet nor do I have an espresso arm. But this both look interesting. Anyway there was a fair amount of discussion about the fact that you should really clean your coffee grinder once a month. Or at the very least quarterly. This has not been the case for me. I think I have cleaned it maybe once in the 4 years I have had it. So this morning was the day to do it. Honestly it only took about 15 mins. There are not a lot of parts to pull off and clean and it is a rather simple machine. I am looking forward to the next grind.

Another topic of discussion is the slander of a French press coffee maker. Apparently that method is shit and I don't even need a 100 dollar coffee grinder if I am going to make my coffee that way. Well to that I will say. I am going to do what I like how I like and I don't care what the internet says. See I was raised baptist and the one thing that I learned from my time in the church is that you don't take everything that is said as gospel. Only take the parts of a philosophy that you like. The other parts you don't really even need to listen to or even understand.

I am standing at a crossroads now. I have Saturday off and I can read or I could try and write but I also need to study for my next exam in my Logic class. Which if I am being completely honest I can't believe I am doing as well in it as I am. But that is beside the point. I think that the Teaching Assistants are grading very easily right now. So I am hoping I can still pull out an A. I don't know just yet. The information is not that difficult it's just like learning a new way of thinking and writing. I will do at the very least some of the practice problems and see what goes from there.

I don't know if this is really something I just want to have out in the world. After all this is more of a journal entry but then again do I think anyone is ever really going to read this? No. Absolutely not. Not when you can think of everything else you can do and read on the internet. Ok I have been able to write for 10 mins without even really stopping which is a lot better than I have been able to do in a while.

Ace and Shadow's deaths have hit me hard and has made writing difficult. I am not over their deaths but I think I am getting ready to process them through my writing. I have had a few relations die in the last 3 years or so and well they didn't really effect me at all. My grandfather died but I had not been close to him since I was a kid. The same goes true for my uncle Matt. Once he had a wife and kids I was not a priority or even an after thought. Then again upon looking back isn't that the way that it should have been? Why would he hang out with his nephew when he had a new kid to take care of. I just wish that I had... I don't know if I actually wish things had been different. Both Helen and James are dead as well. I believe Covid got them both. Again I had not seen or spoken to them in 20 years probably. I remember talking to James as a kind but short of him buying me a subscription to National Geographic that I never read I don't know how close we really were even when I was a kid.

I did always like his truck though. That one I can say. As a kid I always got the feeling that I was someone to put up with and not someone that my family wanted around. That feeling still holds to this day. That is most likely low self esteem and I can say that all day but no one is calling me to come hang out. Everyone has their own lives and I am not to be involved in them. So here I sit and here I will stay. I am getting better and better with being alone.

[itseasyhavinpals]

I Don't Think I Can Help It

Sort of missing the lockdown these days. All that's left of those unprecedented months is the Fear. I was very fortunate to not have to worry much during the lockdown. Sure I was terrified, but there was also this sort of bizarre magic too. Taking walks through rainy days, getting lost in music and thought. Sitting outside and, for a whole afternoon, just watching the shadows shift with the sun until it dipped below the horizon.

I was thrust back into a more ancient and true way of life. The work necessary was to get food and keep my space clean, and the rest of my time was for Being. I wasted plenty of it numbing out the terrifying truth of the history being made, sure, and I also spent lots of it feeling an immense amount of peace too. In the way peace sneaks up on you, in the in-between moments.

Everything's gone "back to normal" except it keeps getting worse. Every masked face makes me feel guilty and afraid. Every audible cough and sniffle makes me feel angry and afraid. Every mask I wear makes me feel protected and suffocated.

The solidarity is gone, no one is clapping and banging pots and pans at seven in the evening anymore. It doesn't feel like there's much keeping us together, there's not much to remind us we're all in the same boat. We're all just fighting to survive in a society stacked against us.

Now our shared experience puts us at each other's throats. Everyone vying for the most superior moral high ground, posting their humble-brags online and selling their results as attainable.

Grind harder. Master your side gig. Eat cleaner. Stay woke. Stay young. Reduce waste; upcycle. Stay fashionable. Stay hydrated. Get sexy; stay sexy. Produce. Make money. Save money. Cancel your subscriptions. Make sure to subscribe. Buy this. Do the right thing. Always. Or else.

I think that's why I love snow days so much. It's nobody's fault, no one's responsibility, so we find it easier to take responsibility: we salt and shovel the sidewalks, we push each other's cars out of their icy prisons, we feed each other and check in on each other and dig each other out. And we understand when the shops are closed, and we go on walks to watch the snow.

After our last snow fall, the weather got unseasonable warm very quickly. It feels like Spring's upon us in mid-winter.

Not that I don't love the sunshine, but everything in my body seems to scream that something's off. At a time where one's very existence feels like a juxtaposition. When too many options leads to paralyzation, and our own fate feels like it's out of our hands, but it's up to us to save the world.

How are we meant to survive this?

The sheer power of pure, human resilience can only provide me with so much hope and comfort.

Mister Rogers said to look for the helpers. I know they're out there. Behind every helper, though, is a crumbling society necessitating the help. Or at least that's what I feel. So many of the helpers I perceive seems less like help and more like a mad scramble to momentarily tip the scales in our humble favor.

Though, I'm absolutely certain this perspective is swayed by my hours hours upon hours on the internet. When I look up from it for a moment, the world gets smaller, and the helpers I see are strangers holding doors open for each other; friends giving each other rides; people letting people pet their dogs; buying each other coffee; returning lost items; giving directions; picking up dropped things; putting a good word in; looking out for each other; dropping off supplies; helping each other up.

It's the day-to-day helpers that makes me feel like maybe life's worth living.

My world is definitely far too big when I spend a lot of time online. Inundated with the thoughts, opinions and experiences of other people, there's no room for my thoughts, opinions and experiences. Initially there's comfort in drowning myself out, but then I get stuck in the fray of all the news and compilations and reviews and video essays and how-tos and story times and break downs and hauls and get-ready-with mes and information and instructions and parodies and clips and previews and interviews until the very act of scrolling happens so fast I literally make myself dizzy.

And then I pivot, hard, into simplicity and quiet until the vibration of my own voice in my skull becomes alarming and disruptive, and the whole cycle begins again.

I'm disgusted by it. I give myself whiplash with these massive dips in quality of life caused by whatever mental, emotional, hormonal flux I'm experiencing, followed by panic induced lifestyle overhauls that never stick.

I think we're sold the myth of true balance, the myth of one right way to be, and how to feel good. What to strive for; what success looks like. And I buy into it. Maybe if I tried the latest viral health challenge, or gave myself more rules, or followed one plan or another, or read this self-help book I'd feel better.

For someone who really doesn't like being told what to do, I really do a lot of asking of others to tell me what to do. I already know what I'm going to do, though, it's true. I think a lot of the time, what I know I'm going to do, and what I actually want to do are vastly different things.

I seem to do a lot of resigning myself to myself, until most of what's left is disappointment.

I might be driving myself crazy, and I don't think I can help it.

But I just want to feel better. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Dolly & Adonis Pt.1

Dolly: What’s your sister’s story?

Dolly: just, if she’s messing with mine, I should probably warn my family of the imminent breakdown… lest she overshadow the joyous nuptials

Adonis: She should come with a warning label, that much is true

Dolly: Drink responsibly is possibly the most touted and ignored warning label of all time

Adonis: Asking certain people to know their limits is a big ask

Dolly: She wasn’t exactly alone in her endeavour

Dolly: Thought being the only sober person in the room was rough at school but that was an experience 

Dolly: what is it about celebrating the happiest day in a loved one’s life that makes people want to drink like they’re clinically depressed, I wonder?

Adonis: Any excuse for my loved ones

Dolly: It isn’t just mutual in the ones that are mutual, don’t worry

Dolly: Lulu doesn’t usually drink but she finds other ways to pull focus

Adonis: My sisters don’t need to drink to pull focus, they just usually are

Dolly: They’re very pretty

Adonis: Balances out the inherited alcoholism and other genetic flaws, at least

Dolly: If it ever becomes viable to sue for DNA deficits, my parents are going to want to save for that lawyer now

Adonis: [a phone number]

Adonis: My dad’s number, for when the day comes

Dolly: Now that would be a face-off worth the time, trauma and funds 😅

Dolly: luckily for us all, my mother has as much desire to be absent as she does to cause maximum drama herself, it was no doubt a tough call to not show but a call she made, nevertheless

Adonis: It would’ve driven Jay to hit the bottle hard, and we’re already overwhelmingly outnumbered in our sober chairs as a trio, losing her makes it appear like a deliberate set up

Dolly: It was noticeable, your lack of a drink, we could blame that on how out of place and uncomfortable I felt but I’d like to think I’d have recognised another sane person regardless

Adonis: In last night’s company, there’s the fear one has lost the knack, understandably

Adonis: the ‘can’t beat them, join them’ mentality has been trying to grind me down for years

Dolly: We’ve all bowed to that pressure, I think

Dolly: but letting it become a habit? Joke writes itself as unfunny as it is

Adonis: Perhaps if I was among my legit peers, I’d be more inclined to bow, but as it stands, the footing isn’t equal and I refuse

Dolly: It’s an admirable stance to take, as someone whose family is absolutely unhinged about gaining my unwilling participation, I’m right there with you

Adonis: 👋🏽 it’s my pleasure, you’re more than welcome to stand beside me at the next family function

Dolly: You have no idea how welcome a concept that is

Dolly: when the tall European isn’t being carted around, Lulu takes up all of Mattie’s time and space and I’m not exactly the best at mingling

Adonis: Unless it’s girls only, I’ll find you

Dolly: Oh God, I forgot about the gendered hell that is to come 😩

Adonis: At any other time it would be Jay’s idea of hell too, but she really has opted to go against type with this, suggesting all bets are off for the foreseeable, if I was a gambler either

Dolly: I feel as if I barely know her but the boyfriend, even less so

Dolly: *fiance, apologies

Dolly: Do you?

Adonis: No, her loyalties tend to lie with recognising the family she grew up with, I’m more of a sibling on a technicality

Dolly: I suppose I see her logic, though I was always more willing to get to know them but how well that translated all the way from Switzerland is an unknown still

Dolly: It’s… quite the unique situation we all find ourselves in

Adonis: As do I, the ways we fight to try and find any differentiation so we don’t have to instead find space to acknowledge every family tie, however knotted or stretched, is too relatable

Adonis: there are only so many older sisters I can bear, I know that

Dolly: Seems most unfair you started out with two

Dolly: was feeling sorry for myself for always having the one but Lord knows it could’ve been worse if my parents didn’t realise after us they weren’t into the whole family thing, really

Adonis: It is worse when it’s the kind of family function that has every aunt, uncle and cousin in attendance

Dolly: Definitely

Dolly: can start to really connect the dots, trace the neurosis, it’s a hard watch

Adonis: Every party having the potential to turn into a pity one isn’t my personal idea of fun, though there are family members who are more than ready to be the guest of honour on those nights 

Dolly: I better ask you what you actually like to do when you aren’t being forced into the dutiful party guest role before it sounds like I’m trying to have my own 🥳😬

Adonis: Are you asking me out? 

Dolly: Wouldn’t that be awfully presumptuous of me?

Adonis: You don’t want to be thrown back into the old fashioned hellscape of the night before, which we’re in danger of circling back to if I ask you, I respect it

Dolly: Put like that, it does sound pretty sensible

Adonis: And we both need reminding that there are social activities out there which don’t require babysitting drunk relatives, or being around anyone we’re genetically linked to at all, in fact

Dolly: You’re speaking my language 

Dolly: so where is safe from the tangled web of familial overlap?

Adonis: In the Christmas holidays, almost nowhere, but it isn’t my first, I’ve still got the odd trick up my sleeve

Dolly: Is there a worse time of year, truly

Dolly: the music takes a nosedive and the city gets even more crowded

Adonis: You’re clearly fluent in my native language too, because no, I don’t think there is

Dolly: but you know places

Dolly: and I might have a few ideas myself, as it goes

Adonis: Give me an idea of the time I should pick you up, we’ll go from there

Dolly: Though that requires knowing what time it is now, a feat no one is fully capable of in the winter hols, I’ll give you an estimate

Dolly: how keen are you to be out of your house, exactly?

Adonis: I’m sure you can guess that as well, given the number of hangovers being suffered or allegedly cured with hair of the dog, under my roof at this exact moment

Dolly: I could be ready in 30

Dolly: the situation is that dire

Adonis: Done deal, be ready, I’ll be there

Dolly: Good thing I know the Grinch energy is mutual so you won’t be offended by my lack of novelty antlers or tinsel scarf 

Adonis: More offended if that’s suddenly the dress code, the gendered red hat and itchy beard combo left for me implies you’d prefer not to be seen out together unless I’m mostly disguised

Dolly: Mingling may not be my strongest suit but I do know enough to know insults are no way to win allies

Adonis: I likewise know how futile it is to protest about the real size of my ego given my name and that you’ve been in close proximity to my parents and sisters by this point, nobody would be convinced in the slightest by any claims of how different I am, it sounds like a line designed to win you over

Dolly: Lesser minds would undoubtedly proclaim you have plenty ammunition to bolster your amour propre

Dolly: As if the claim having more merit makes it any less of a dick move… and not patently more of one 🤦‍♀️

Dolly: however, you’ve got good reason to win me over, I think it would be fair to say

Adonis: I can’t argue with that, luckily you do have my dad’s number should the need arise for a full on debate about what does or doesn’t constitute a dick move, he’ll definitely be more prepared

Dolly: any attempt to contact your father would almost certainly read as boldly presumptuous and it’s certainly not a reputation I’m trying to foster here

Adonis: I’m glad to hear it, however bold that comes across

Dolly: You’re straightforward, it’s a refreshing enough concept in my world that it can be pointed out without it sounding like I’m trying out my own lines 🤞

Adonis: It’s been a while since someone found it refreshing, which is all the more reason to expand the confines of my 🌎 these hols especially

Dolly: I can wholeheartedly recommend moving schools and countries for 6th form, totally shattered my 🌎

Dolly: What school do you go to?

Adonis: I’d love to, but it’s unlikely I’d ever get my parents to sign off on moving anywhere further afield than [idk somewhere close by because we know ruster aren’t those bitches to be sending you away]

Adonis: As I’ll be staying put at [his school] from start to finish, it’ll have to be up to me to 🌎☄️

Dolly: Half an hour down the road really feels no different to the hour and a half on a plane when you’re stuck where you’ve been dropped off, honestly

Dolly: I’ll watch your 🌠 with interest

Adonis: 👨🏽‍🚀 isn’t a vast improvement upon 🎅🏽 but because it’s less seasonal, I feel like it’s a small step in the right direction

Dolly: One small step, one small step…

Adonis: Exactly

Dolly: The outfit is a lot of silver but you’re still safe from the tinsel-bauble-glitter territory, for now

Adonis: It’s closer to New Year’s Eve territory, everyone choosing to dress like a mirror ball, which I’m aware is far from ideal

Dolly: I should tell you about the party I won’t be throwing, so you can thank me in advance 🚫🎂

Adonis: I’ll thank you when you feel we know each other well enough to let me in on the plans you do have

Dolly: My parents throw a party every year but 

Dolly: I don’t know if I can stomach that much longer

Adonis: You’re welcome to gatecrash my family’s party, though a strong stomach is definitely needed

Dolly: When this wedding is already going to force so many obligatory functions upon us?

Dolly: I’d rather we do something entirely different

Adonis: Dare I be presumptuous enough to think I can single handedly make your 18th birthday bearable?

Adonis: Because, I obviously do dare

Dolly: A tall ask but if the 👨🏽‍🚀 fits

Adonis: A 🚀 on standby for you, could be arranged, if you really hate it

Dolly: pointing out your lack of competition would be rude, also very unmotivating 

Adonis: What I may lack in competition I never do in motivation, it’s not as though change is always inevitable, I’m aware and prepared to cause it when necessary

Dolly: There’s a lot to be said for change, however efficient I am at enacting it all the time

Dolly: saying goodbye to my 17 isn’t going to require shedding any tears

Adonis: I won’t make a promise that I can’t keep, happy tears seems too sentimental christmas film of a vibe

Dolly: I can promise I won’t put you through that

Dolly: talk about a total lack of repayment on my part

Adonis: I’ve had dates end in worse ways, I can promise you that

Dolly: 😅 have I earnt a story yet or no?

Adonis: Maybe, but it’s difficult to decide on a winner when most of my experiences have been a little disastrous 

Adonis: potentially, when an ex, who failed to realise he was one, ended things by punching me on a mini golf course?

Dolly: There are just so many layers to that sentence 

Dolly: Wow

Dolly: at least it was just a punch when he did have a club to hand?

Adonis: To this day I believe it was that ‘restraint’ which meant he went home with the girl and I went home to an ice pack

Dolly: How did it get worse, it was already such a visual

Dolly: the recovery from the emotional fuckery must’ve been worse than whatever bruise was inflicted

Adonis: My pride was hurt most of all, I can’t lie

Dolly: understandable, some things take a while and a lot of swallowing to come back from

Adonis: I’m still not sure how I misjudged the situation or the girl so badly

Dolly: 😍 right

Adonis: Okay, true, you got me

Dolly: You’d sound like you were trying to be too good to be true if you claimed otherwise

Dolly: who hasn’t made a complete ass of themselves over a guy or girl

Adonis: Then I’ll not even try to come to my own defence

Dolly: You sound like you were in the right, if misguided

Dolly: I can’t say the same 🤦‍♀️

Adonis: What I can say is it wasn’t as romantically serious as the physical assault suggests, it was only our first date and we were all about 13 at the time

Dolly: That’s just more adorable, you poor thing

Adonis: My poor mum, she was truly inconsolable at the state of my face for the entire week

Dolly: I can imagine

Dolly: 🤴🏽 is blatant

Adonis: Yeah, neither parent is very subtle

Dolly: You are the only son, as well as the baby

Dolly: how else could they treat you, paired with your face that shouldn’t be punched

Adonis: If my sisters had been in charge of my naming we could’ve ended up with the same one, that’s how they treated me anyway

Dolly: I’d have to tell you how to pull it off, can’t be handing over all my secrets like that so soon

Adonis: We would’ve have to have met sooner or it’s a long time I’m expected to deal with it alone

Dolly: I do regret not pushing harder to take Mattie up on her offer of getting to know her sooner, the thought of you struggling is another one worthy of adding to the pile 🥺

Adonis: I regret any instance, hypothetical or otherwise, where I’ve caused you to 🥺

Dolly: You’ll have to insist your sisters stop, it’s simply too much and I said I’d stay well away from any saccharine over-the-top displays of emotion

Adonis: I’ll try harder at that, for your sake

Dolly: Before, my sister would never have let me speak to you alone

Adonis: Is it the tall European I have to thank?

Dolly: He’d like to think so

Adonis: I’d rather not speak to him, alone or in an awkward foursome, so I can’t say I’m devastated he isn’t the cause

Dolly: He’s not that interesting, take it from me

Dolly: We’ve known him for years now and I doubt the number of words we’ve exchanged in that time would even fill half the chat we’ve managed today alone

Adonis: I will, granted he isn’t my type, but he didn’t appear interesting or interested last night

Dolly: I’m sure he was wondering why he’d been dragged to that party, with no suggestion it was going to be made interesting or worth his while

Dolly: what is your type?

Adonis: Where’s your guesstimate?

Dolly: Risky but I’ll bite

Dolly: I think you like people that are well put together but not showy, that can hold a conversation without holding a drink, of course… people that aren’t content with what’s deemed culture and the norm

Adonis: No risk, no reward

Adonis: and with that said, I think it’s you

Dolly: It’s me that I described or I’m your type?

Adonis: Both

Dolly: That saves my face going red

Dolly: I think so too

Adonis: Along with green it is a designated banned colour right now

Dolly: I assure you I’m not going to walk out of the house looking like a Christmas tree to have you turning around faster than you contemplated getting to know me

Adonis: At the risk of trying to sound too good to be true, I wouldn’t turn around, even if you were dressed as a 🎄

Dolly: I don’t feel like testing you, not like that

Dolly: other ways are a definite possibility

Adonis: I like possibilities and tests

Dolly: I could’ve added it to my list

Dolly: it stops life being stagnant, the monotony of what everyone else wants and expects

Adonis: And there’s nothing like this time of year to drive home that monotony

Dolly: Every day is a repeat of the most tiring day masquerading as the best, like there’s a script we’re going off to acknowledge how derivative it all is

Adonis: I feel as though I must be missing pages they have

Dolly: The ones where it gives you the stage notes for how much fun it all is?

Dolly: and not just mindless self-harm

Adonis: Yeah, the alienation is the gift that keeps on giving

Dolly: Figuring out why their heads were so different used to seem like the good kind of challenge

Adonis: It does until it doesn’t, I know

Adonis: but I do have some like-minded friends I can introduce you to, at least, another time

Dolly: It’s a bit short notice to make it an awkward foursome or otherwise today

Dolly: I bet lots of them are somewhere tropical

Adonis: We could, but I don’t want to

Dolly: It would be disappointing

Dolly: as much as I need to broaden my own 🌎

Adonis: There’s time to help you mingle, but it’s not yet

Dolly: not now

Adonis: Absolutely not

Dolly: 😁

Dolly: there’s nothing worse than having to try to communicate that you want to be alone with just your eyes because you’ll offend the other people else

Adonis: What a waste of an eyes only convo

Dolly: I know how to be discrete in much more interesting ways

Adonis: Me too, I think I’ve managed keep hold of the shares of discretion the rest of my family lack

Dolly: Could say you were hoarding but their lack of interest was also noted

Adonis: I’ll put it to better use, it’s clearly my responsibility to

Dolly: Someone has to

Dolly: identity and reputation entirely free of my families is exactly what I need

Adonis: It’s what I’ve been looking for, and it’s a search which started years before I narrowly avoided getting beaten over the head with a mini golf club 

Dolly: Are the clubs even metal? 😅

Adonis: The ones in question weren’t

Dolly: Obviously your quest for yourself is still SUPER valid 

Dolly: I’ll have to pull out pictures of the super tragic selfies I took at 13, convinced they would win so many hearts, clearly

Adonis: Arguably MORE valid, because we can in no way call that a near death experience

Adonis: I’ll be suitably 😍 because you’re only 13, but you’re still you

Dolly: His ego undoubtedly deserves that bruising, even all these years later

Dolly: I won’t hold you to those 😍 girls school makes you lose your grip on reality in a very specific way… the questionable choices are so very questionable

Adonis: It’s not your fault all girls boarding schools continue to exist somehow, the questionable choice was made by your parents

Dolly: They learnt their lesson and we managed to avoid that fate this time, though we seemed positively homeschooled when we arrived, far closer to 13 than the 16 we were

Adonis: Was your primary school experience the same? 5 or 6 seems ridiculously young to have to go away

Dolly: Surval was from 12, you can only board from 7, typically, so, we did that here for those years

Adonis: Nevertheless, I can’t imagine how that must have been

Adonis: call me a 🤴🏽 again if you want

Dolly: It was never intended as an insult or anything beyond an observation stated plainly

Dolly: It was better than home but also a lot like home, so really, it didn’t make a difference in the end, not to me

Dolly: there was undoubtedly a time we acted like it was a great escape and adventure like all the jolly hockey sticks books

Adonis: Plenty of people, much older, buy into YA the same way, any coming of age media

Dolly: Those writers have a lot to answer for

Adonis: I hope I don’t come across like a voyeur with my questions and lack of answers, as well as blatant ignorance

Dolly: Not at all

Dolly: I’ve had those sorts of questions, I don’t doubt you’ve had your share too, blatantly after the most titillating answers only, no concern for how it might feel

Adonis: Yeah, my sister’s determination to keep the audience titillated doesn’t help matters, but it didn’t begin with her and I doubt it’ll end there either

Dolly: Imagine people having no clue who you or your family are when you walk in a room, nothing to judge you on but what you decide to give them

Dolly: people don’t understand how lucky they are to have that

Adonis: The horror stories I’ve spared you as a teenage boy with the mother I have and her… career choices

Adonis: mini golf will forever be preferable

Dolly: I’m aware it isn’t sparing you to let you know I’ve been told the horror stories of who your parents are

Dolly: but I mean in that, is that they were undoubtedly exaggerated grossly out of all proportion because that’s how my mother speaks about everyone she’s ever known, with total poison

Dolly: it has to be hard, to be forced to defend someone’s honour when their decisions were nothing to do with you, made before you were even born

Adonis: It’s a lot to ask of prospective friends, girlfriends, to put aside everything they’ve already heard and listen to me, I know that

Adonis: especially when, yeah, you’re right, I don’t have a speech prepared for the occasion that’ll just make it all less… insane

Dolly: You know that you don’t have to condemn her, if you choose not to defend, it’s not the same thing

Dolly: our parents shame shouldn’t be ours, it definitely does not work that fairly in practice but

Adonis: I wonder if it’s nice to be as black and white as your mother is, for nothing to feel as complicated as it undoubtedly is

Dolly: Her particular brand of happiness has always struck me as miserable but my sister attempts to emulate it so it must hold some outward appeal to others

Adonis: Your sister did look miserable, I assumed it was the tall European’s fault at the time, or Jay’s potentially, for the cliche of proposing on Christmas Eve at midnight

Dolly: Oh, definitely Jay’s

Dolly: she doesn’t fill me in on her plans now but it’s fairly simple without her spilling the secrets, turn up and sour the mood of an otherwise happy time for whoever she deems might be having a better time than her

Adonis: Poison, like you said

Dolly: like I said

Dolly: She wanted it to be worthwhile, I guess, having her as a mother

Dolly: or it’s just genetics and we’re all screwed

Adonis: You’re not, it’s a convenient excuse to avoid taking responsibility for anything, that’s all

Adonis: I could drink myself into an early grave or sleep with a cousin and blame either on genetics, but I did those things in the hypothetical and I’m choosing not to actually

Dolly: Right, we don’t have to give in, that would be a personal choice, and I’m not going to repeat history for the easy excuse it gives 

Adonis: So much more can be worthwhile, it has to be

Dolly: I know that they’re not happy, what they want isn’t what I want

Dolly: that’s a start

Adonis: And I’m well aware my family are, but it still isn’t what I want, my happiness isn’t going to look like theirs

Dolly: It’s a weird thing for people to assume, they probably don’t even they just think it’s a hilariously provocative observation to make

Dolly: just because your parents are what they are, you’re no more likely to be, that’s like saying gay parents always have gay kids, but the chances are even more minuscule 

Adonis: People just want to try and get a rise out of me, another assumption being made there I’ve inherited the temper my dad and grandad have because I’m also a boy 👌🏽

Dolly: A year of co-ed has taught me that the male obsession with displays of strength and dominance go entirely into the realms of homoerotic 

Dolly: Try to be flattered by their blatant flirting 🙄

Adonis: I don’t imagine you are, a year in

Dolly: They attempt to keep our schedules far too packed for anything like that

Adonis: The use of the word attempt is noted though

Dolly: I fear my dating history is less storied and contains not nearly enough mini golf

Adonis: If you’d like it to contain more mini golf, of course I’ll face my fears head on

Dolly: That is awfully brave of you

Adonis: You were brave enough to talk to me first

Dolly: Intrigue outweighed intimidation

Dolly: plus I needed someone to confirm I was seeing what I was seeing

Adonis: Unfortunately I had no choice but to validate that, the least I can do from here is validate you in better ways

Dolly: I will be braver and talk to you in person, next time

Adonis: It’s okay if you’re slightly speechless when I drive by and pick you up, you probably don’t think I’m seriously going to

Dolly: It would be an interesting sick joke, one I’ve actually not fallen for before

Adonis: [a selfie from this uber or taxi or whatever cos he cannot drive yet he’s but a child, like omw for reals, we know what London is like though hence it’s legit he is not there yet despite being highkey clearly]

Dolly: Never doubted you for a second

Adonis: What would you have said, in person, at the party?

Dolly: I wish I had some kind of line ready for the occasion but I can’t lie about it

Dolly: Hopefully something would have come to me after the hi, how are you

Adonis: I don’t doubt you either

Dolly: your outfit was good, you looked smart

Adonis: I’d have complimented yours too, after the hi, and before asking you to dance

Dolly: I would have accepted

Adonis: So we owe each other one

Dolly: only if the song has absolutely nothing to do with the holiday

Adonis: You can dj, but I have no idea how you’re supposed to improve on the perfection of the one Jay’s fiance chose

Dolly: He really set the bar

Adonis: And the mood

Dolly: why do you think they’re getting married?

Adonis: I think she’s scared he’ll walk away if she doesn’t walk down the aisle, at their age, with how long they’ve been an off and on couple

Dolly: His family seems a little more traditional, in comparison

Dolly: so maybe he would

Adonis: It’s the impression I got too, him buying into the whole American white picket fence ideology

Dolly: Makes you wonder how they fit but being identical isn’t the only way to make a relationship work

Adonis: Do they fit or are they trying hard to make it look like they could?

Dolly: A question I’m not in a place to ask but I think we’re all worried we know the answer

Adonis: Call me naive, but I don’t see any reason they should have to try that hard to force it, granted I’m used to my parents’ insane obstacles, but nevertheless

Dolly: I’d be making guesses about their own trauma if I speculated

Dolly: could range from not wanting to feel like they’ve wasted their time to thinking they can’t get or don’t deserve better

Adonis: Maybe their shared trauma is it

Dolly: It’s awkward to come to the conclusion you shouldn’t be with someone, for both your sakes

Adonis: It’ll only get more awkward, if that’s an inevitable conclusion

Dolly: Very true… like you said, people opt for easy over right, 9 times out of 10

Adonis: I want easy AND right, it can’t be that unrealistic of an expectation

Dolly: For you, I don’t think it is

Adonis: Why do you think it is for anyone but me?

Dolly: Okay, not quite just you

Dolly: I mean, it seems like you have the determination, surely that has to get you halfway

Dolly: plenty of people seem to completely lack it, or the desire to do what’s right, honestly

Adonis: Don’t you have it?

Dolly: I don’t know

Dolly: I really hope so

Adonis: It seems to me, you do

Dolly: I appreciate that, genuinely

Adonis: This convo wouldn’t have gotten halfway to the point it has if I didn’t see something in you, genuinely

Adonis: you’re beautiful, but I’m not shallow

Dolly: but more importantly, you think I’m beautiful 

Adonis: Well, yeah, I’ll allow you to dwell on it for a second

Dolly: 😅 you better

Adonis: Don’t you get told you are all the time?

Dolly: I am stunned if that’s the impression I gave off

Adonis: No, but I think you should be told more than you obviously have been

Dolly: It was always a competition before, a ranking whenever you walked into a room

Dolly: it’s less loaded when a boy says it

Adonis: Even with two older sisters I can’t claim to be an expert on girl politics, but in my opinion, you’re so beautiful

Dolly: how can you say that with a straight face when yours looks like that?

Adonis: Because we aren’t in competition with each other, and what else would my face do when I mean everything I’m saying? 

Dolly: I’ll get better at accepting compliments, on the assumption you’re planning to pay me more than the one, there

Adonis: I’ll stop at one if it’s making you uncomfortable, I’m not trying to do that, but otherwise, no, I wasn’t planning on it ending there

Dolly: not uncomfortable

Adonis: I can be pushy sometimes, when I believe I’m right

Dolly: Right is right, you should say it, I think

Dolly: I’ve just been living more like a nun since we came back, makes everything more… intense, not a bad thing

Adonis: Understandable, and we’ve been thrown together in weird circumstances on top of that

Dolly: Couldn’t get much weirder

Dolly: except we’re both painfully aware how odd things can be and this isn’t coming close

Adonis: As much as I don’t want to sound like a christmas film, if something good can come out of this, I’m not going to say no to it

Dolly: Turning down good has always been illogical, I don’t intend to make that mistake, not for some misguided self-punishment or otherwise

Adonis: There’s something here and I feel good about it

Dolly: It’ll be something to see you smile and it be sincere

Adonis: Traffic is testing me, I shouldn’t have admitted I like them 

Dolly: I’m pretty gutted you aren’t here too

Adonis: The temptation to get out and walk

Dolly: The temptation to meet you half way

Adonis: I’m not carrying mistletoe, there’s no festive reason why it’s banned, is there?

Dolly: I won’t be in my pants and I’ve not seen any snow, so, I think we can get away with it

Adonis: I do like you just as you are, but I promise not to say so

Dolly: Maybe you can say something to that effect 

Dolly: if you don’t mind how short it’d make the conversation

Adonis: We’ll get away with that too

Dolly: If you agree

Adonis: I’m walking, it’s your turn

Dolly: [after a suitable amount of time to get yourself out the door, a selfie to prove you are]

Adonis: Hi

Dolly: Hi

Adonis: You do look like someone I could like just as they are, honestly

Dolly: There’s no better test than me running out of the house with only 30 mins to get ready

Adonis: I’ll try not to undo your hard work in less than half that time, as a test of restraint

Dolly: but I might 🥺

Adonis: I won’t promise, or make you, then breaking it isn’t an issue

Dolly: Okay, that seems fair

Dolly: and it isn’t going to feel like losing or failing, so you won’t be 🥺 either

Adonis: Losing control, possibly, but I don’t mind

Dolly: no risk no reward

Adonis: Life’s too short, and lately it’s felt far too long as well

Dolly: I wasn’t sure the hols would ever get here, not that they drag any less than school but

Dolly: I wouldn’t have met you in term time

Adonis: Don’t think about term time coming back around, I’ll have to enrol at your school to stand any chance of seeing you

Dolly: I think you should and that it’s not at all an unreasonable request 

Adonis: I’ll frame it slightly differently when I put it to my parents, but I will put it to them

Dolly: it is a very good school, I’d list off the accolades if I could think straight

Adonis: I’ll google them when my parents insist on hearing about them, if only to avoid accidentally listing what I like about you

Dolly: You’re so attractive, it’s ridiculous

Adonis: Oh 👌🏽 it is more difficult to take a compliment under these circumstances, you’re right

Adonis: thank you doesn’t feel like an appropriate response at all

Dolly: You’re going to have to show me, I think

Dolly: or I dread to think what I could end up saying

Adonis: I’ll show you, dread has no place here

Dolly: you know I don’t do this, cliche as that is to ask, it isn’t festive

Adonis: Unless you have a completely different definition of what living as a nun means, we’re probably on the same page

Dolly: Have to be devoted to something, keep myself out of trouble

Adonis: I’m not spending my out of school hours sinning either, you know that

Dolly: There’s nothing wrong about this, can’t be

Adonis: We’re not blood related, which is a start

Dolly: both of age, very willing

Dolly: We like each other, potentially just as we are

Adonis: I don’t have a girlfriend who would swing for you with a mini golf club

Dolly: 😅 then please

Adonis: Run don’t walk, yeah?

Adonis: as long as you’ll still like me just as I am if that includes sweaty, potentially

Dolly: Are you going to let me linger on that thought too?

Adonis: Until I find you, anyway

Dolly: I want you to find me

Adonis: I’ll run

Dolly: Thank you is really inadequate

Adonis: Show me too

Dolly: Every way I can

Adonis: [actually do run so you can show up to however far she has gotten like !! because we’re being highkey on this day]

Dolly: [just staring at him like OH SHIT ‘cos you know exactly what you want to happen now, moving closer to him so you can touch his forehead like you’re checking if he’s sweating or not ‘you really ran’]

Adonis: [taking her hand from his forehead and playing with it how ruster do because he is a child of, however much he wishes he wasn’t sometimes lol ‘I’m a man of my word’ like yep of course I did, moving even closer after he’s said that because blatantly like I meant everything I said]

Dolly: [the touch starvation really hitting so you’re reacting faster than you’d like for your reputation undoubtedly but you can’t care about that here and now as you’re leaning into this touch and stretching to kiss him before he can appreciate your red face and expression from suppressing an audible reaction]

Adonis: [kiss about it regardless of what busy after christmas street you’re on, simply must, excuse them everyone, he’d be trying to keep it vaguely chill at first but that’s obvs going out of the window v fast because he’s a teenage boy and he doesn’t do shit like this normally so feels are high]

Dolly: [at least if you’re standing still people can just walk around y’all because the concern we are not showing as we’re wrapping our arms around your neck to pull us closer to you]

Adonis: [and not that either of you care but depending where you got to there’s a good chance you’re more surrounded by houses anyway so there’s less peeps gonna just be strutting around you than if it’s a shops moment, pick her up to combat that height difference while y’all continue to makeout and also because it’s just a mood frankly]

Dolly: [you’re probably somewhat residential, it’s cool, if you need to move then you’ll have to but right now we’re making our !! noise into this kiss when you pick us up, wrapping our legs around you with the same energy momentarily because we want you CLOSE]

Adonis: [I’m sure there’s a little wall in front of some of these houses this boy is making his way to so you can eventually sit on it and use it to y’all’s full advantage, but he’s slightly distracted rn by that noise and his absolute GRIN into this kiss in response, not to mention what she then does and how he’s gotta kiss her so much more dramatically about it]

Dolly: [The scandal, weren’t being coy when you said you don’t usually do this, because you’d have to have been very secretive to get away with your teacher affair for any length of time, just here making out with this boy like WHO AM I? The weird vibe of that engagement party has thrown us all honey but we’re not mad about this development, unlike the sheer WTF at the fact Sekhmet just showed up at your house, they went out and then came back and we know they fucked so, like, what lmao, not thinking about this as we poke your cheeks like oi at this grin but the way we’re smiling back we’re not actually offended, clearly]

Adonis: [At least this boy doesn’t know what his sister is up to rn whatever ends up happening if we can ever write that convo cos he very much doesn’t wanna know thank you lol, even if y’all weren’t busy having your own peak romance, which we are rn so he’s backing her into this wall to do the most and continue this makeout, cos again a mood and they haven’t had anything to lean against except each other up to now, soz it’s not a full sized one but nevertheless keeping that going until the height difference/need to be closer gets too much, and then sitting her on this wall, taking his first proper breath since he ran up and his first chance to LOOK at her since too, when he does, and sits down next to her ‘How are you?’ like he’s continuing the IRL convo they could’ve had at the party post the hi they’ve already exchanged, but it’s not at all casual because they are both too !! and wowed by that makeout sesh obvs]

Dolly: [We can’t be thinking about your exploits right now ladies, that isn’t the mood for anyone, thank you, we’ll just be here desperately trying to pour our OTT energy into deepening this kiss and not in making unhinged noises because can’t be giving the game away that hard that fast but you can make it a swag kiss that leaves him reeling as much as you, or at least that’s the goal; looking at him for a beat pure holding yourself back from launching yourself at him again vibes because not ready for that to be over, making this known by nodding like that’s the only response you can give to that question right now and kissing him again, softer and slower and pulling away with a lil laugh but you had to nonetheless ‘you?’]

Adonis: [reeling is 1000% the energy but he’s likewise not mad about it, regardless of whether she’s done a hair up or hair down moment before leaving her gaff, tucking however much of it has gotten into her face during the feral makeout behind her ear during the brief interlude when the kissing is softer and slower, cupping both sides of her face as she pulls away to keep the proximity and the eye contact at a dramatic level whilst he can’t help but join in with his own lil breathless hot lol and smile again in response to the question]

Dolly: [when you wanted to see him smile because he has such a little serious face and you are not at all disappointed because he has the wolfiest teeth and it is a vibe, will also point out she has an insanely giant smile like Emma Roberts wishes she did very Julia so you two are probably looking unhinged but feeling so 🥰 so we do not care, are having to hide our face in our hands though as an effort to stop smiling at you lest we never speak again because y’all have managed a few words between you so far, nerds ‘did you pay for your car?’ like lol does that driver think you’ve just bolted or what]

Adonis: [I love these goofy cute nerds, when this is the first time you’ve heard her IRL speak because you didn’t at the party and she isn’t the type to yell out across the function so you’re just enjoying how her voice sounds because I’m sure that time in Switzerland speaking all that French made it cuter than a standard posh Chelsea girl accent, but looking at her with adorable faux offence when she asks that because he’s a good boy and not the type to do a runner, dropping her hands which he was playing with again in the ruster manner like oi ‘of course I did’]

Dolly: [pick his hand up again like hey, I’m sorry but with the playful unserious energy this whole conversation is in so far ‘of course you did’ like I know, I know ‘forgive me?’ LOOKING at him like you know you wanna]

Adonis: [a facial expression like 🤔+😏 energy of hmmm idk idk to keep up this playful vibe when she picks his hand up with her sorry energy but as soon as she asks to be forgiven and LOOKS at him there’s a switch to a father’s son style soft but !! wrist grab to pull her closer and almost into his lap because of how close we know y’all already were and he’s obvs kissing her again]

Dolly: [doing puppy dog eyes basically like GO ON PLEASE really hamming it up until he pulls you to him and you’re back to dying with no room for pretence, slowly snaking your hands up the back of his shoulders and neck until they’re in his hair because he has nice wurls so enjoy that]

Adonis: [gotta do his own and first quiet lil !! noise because having your hair played with just feels nice and girls don’t do that to boys enough + you’re not a hoe clearly by how you’re living and your whole vibe so it would especially be a novelty to you sir I’m sure]

Dolly: [encouragement will only make you make more of a moment of it because you’d be tentative with a new person regardless, unsure what they like or don’t but not wanting to straight up ask like that blunt bitch or ruin the romance of it all, never mind you’ve done this with two boys/men before and Gabe was truly only to distract from talk of your actual secret boyfriend so we weren’t exactly interested in what he did or didn’t like, soz Gabriel not soz]

Adonis: [Oh Gabriel you massive Swiss flop, nobody’s that interested in you hun, it’s so awkward, meanwhile, this boy couldn’t be more into it and thus is bringing her onto his lap fully as he kisses her neck like it’s his job, excuse us whoever’s house they are shamelessly in front of because truly have forgotten where they are atm]

Dolly: [having to gasp, even if there’s an attempt to do it somewhat quietly, you can’t exactly do it so quietly he doesn’t hear it so you’ll have to lean into that by kissing him harder so he can’t say anything, lifting your weight off him because your mother has traumatized you undoubtedly and we can’t possibly crush you with our bulk ugh, Chlo lol]

Adonis: [giving it his absolute all kissing her back, only pausing slightly to do a lil tug of war of sorts with this girl when he feels her shift her weight off of him because he can guess why, he’s a smart boy, someone has done a number on you girl, the who doesn’t matter in this moment, only that you go back where you were]

Dolly: [making a cross but joking about it noise like stop it you as if he’s just starting a playfight for the flirtatious vibe of that and you don’t also know that he knows because it was kind of obvious but just the sort of flinching you’d do without even realising you had]

Adonis: [‘I did warn you’ because aware it’s once again giving pushy when I believe I’m right energy, in her ear purely to be in her ear and because he’s holding her to keep her there and also to subtly be comforting without turning into it a thing they need to unpack]

Dolly: [making the mhmm sort of noise but it’ll sound closer to indecent than annoyed because we aren’t mad at you about it and we wanna be this close to you and also not be affected by our cunty mother ever in general but that isn’t something for either of you to tackle in this moment ‘perhaps you didn’t warn me sufficiently’ after kissing him again with the softer energy, like you did not warn me I would want you this much, sir]

Adonis: [‘perhaps not’ because equally taken aback by the day’s events ‘only because I hadn’t the slightest idea what would suffice’ no planning for any of this, but again, couldn’t be less mad about it]

Dolly: [nodding because the truest and most relatable thing you could have said in this moment, resting your forehead against his to take a moment here ‘where are we going?’ quietly but also because you had plans and you’re now at least half aware you’re still just sat outside this random house]

Adonis: [pulling her jacket or coat closer around her but from the inside because I’m imagining it’s open either fully or at least slightly, enough anyway that he can have his arms around her hugging her inside rather than outside of it for the extra closeness and contact and to be cute ‘Do you like surprises?’ like genuinely or should I tell you, because not something he knows about her yet]

Dolly: [rubbing the tops of his arms like he’s just super cold and doesn’t just wanna hug you, doing this as we’re clearly considering how we feel about surprises like 🤔 deciding that we, in fact, do, so the grin is big as we’re nodding our head]

Adonis: [a lil ‘oh my god’ escaping, to give his mum instead of dad vibes for a change, just because I can when she’s being so adorable and he can’t bear it, doing his own v loved up big grin as he looks at her]

Dolly: [‘you’re making it hard for me to want to go anywhere but-’ cutting yourself off because we know where the but implies honey but we also want you to take us wherever you wanted to really but how do we find chill is the point lol]

Adonis: [‘It’s as hard for me’ like yep hard same in case you were in any doubt about that ‘but, we can do this’ lifting her up and putting her back down on her feet in an cute little move as he then also gets up, goodbye wall]

Dolly: [it is always going to be unavoidably noticeable for lads so we’re blushing in response ‘cos definitely no doubt when you put us in your lap; doing a little spin and flourish like there we go ‘we did it’ like not so hard after all]

Adonis: [watching her do that adorable lil spin and immediately wanting to just pull her into him and start a new makeout sesh because no chill, but he’s trying really hard to find some, hence ‘It’s a start, I’ll still need you to help me think of something else though, to get where we’re going’ like what is the biggest turn off we can come up with in this moment please and thank you]

Dolly: [ah to be a teenager with barely any self-control because your hormones are insane, the way we’re now LOOKING at you but interspersed with such real attempts to look away making it obvious we can’t help it ‘alright, what about…’ and pausing to think because taking this role seriously ‘Noah’s hair?’ dragging this man to filth but it would be on your mind like lol]

Adonis: [SUCH a genuine burst of laughter because obvs he didn’t know what to she was going to say, it literally could have been anything, but that’s such a specific yet perfect drag of this man we clearly do not like based on our first real impression ‘Thank you, that was perfect’ taking her hand and walking a bit because I doubt this place is in walking distance remotely from where you are but you’ll have to get to some kind of point you can get some kind of transport from, whatever that’s gonna be, like even if it’s another car you don’t wanna be like yo pull up to this random house where we’ve already made a nuisance of ourselves]

Dolly: [doing your own loling because it was already funny so his reaction has just made it even more and we’re buzzing to actually have someone our age to talk to because we’d obviously struggle to make them given we weren’t really allowed them before, so be here having a lovely time already when you haven’t even done anything yet, walking and vibing]

Adonis: [we’re gonna have to put a pin in where he’s taking her, we know it’s lowkey his fave place to go and get away from his extra sisters and parents but that’s all I’ve got, other than knowing I’d like it to not be the obvious kind of art gallery or museum vibe, something more specific to him/less of a cliche, as I said, can’t really be bebopping to y’all’s Dublin house on a whim]

Dolly: [it’s coolio, we can always come back if we have a cute idea and do what is y’alls first date, we know you’ll both be having a lovely time because you’re about to find out you’ve got a lot in common being massive nerds so enjoy huns]

Adonis: [yeah, an idea might come to us randomly at some point, but for now the vibe is you’re both having the loveliest time, that’s what matters here, and you’re avoiding that after christmas carnage + managing to almost be alone to really get to know each other more]

Dolly: [and it’s not as if you can have covered your entire life story in one outing, nor would either of you be inclined to, so we can continue without issue]

Adonis: [mhmm, that would be Lulu levels of unhinged, which neither of you are, you are gonna be GUTTED when we separate y’all though, which I imagine is whenever where you are is literally closing and they kick you out, cos don’t wanna leave]

Dolly: [imagine having to just go home casually with no real inclination if and when you’ll see each other again because the next wedding thing wouldn’t be for ages so y’all could just dip, we know you won’t but like imagine]

Adonis: [We’ll be kind and give y’all a dramatic taxi ride back to her house/her grandparents whichever she’s going to, where you can just makeout the entire time as if it is goodbye because the fear would be real even though he fully intends to not let it happen, there’s still also a v real possibility she might be busy until her bday which he said he’d save from being shit somehow or that she might end up having to go to her parents terrible party, y’all don’t know]

Dolly: [I’m sure your parents very much want you to come to their NYE party they pretend is about you when it isn’t at all beyond the excuse to parade you around but is either of you gals going to be in the mood for that, no, huns, no but yeah everything would feel very uncertain because lbr people ghost people so you could think he’s gonna just be like actually nah, awkward as it’d be and we’re really hoping you do not]

Adonis: [thank god he isn’t that savage, anything to do with this wedding is going to suck enough as is]

Dolly: [will let you send him a selfie of you chilling on your bed when you are inside and have watched his car turn the corner off your street]

Adonis: You look comfortable

Dolly: It’ll do

Dolly: hopefully it won’t take you as long to get home at this time

Adonis: I don’t mind, I’m in no rush to be back

Dolly: Hm, I can see that

Dolly: peace and quiet or only one chatty person to contend with

Adonis: Come on, you’re not unbearably chatty or anything

Dolly: 😲 Well!

Adonis: Forgive me and keep me company, please

Dolly: as you asked nicely

Dolly: and your manners have been mostly impeccable the rest of the day, I will

Adonis: Thanks, even though it’s inadequate again

Dolly: I can imagine your intention much better now we’ve spoke in person though

Adonis: My imagination could run away with me after today

Dolly: I think that could be quite a nice way to pass the time

Adonis: Nice isn’t the word, I don’t think

Dolly: Help me think of a more suitable one

Adonis: Dangerous, possibly

Dolly: Dangerous is good

Dolly: makes good inadequate but that doesn’t change how good it is

Adonis: I don’t want to get ahead of myself, or of where you want me to be

Adonis: and it feels like a very real possibility

Dolly: You don’t have to concern yourself with that

Adonis: Are you sure?

Dolly: I know where I want you

Adonis: I know what I want too

Dolly: So we can do it again?

Adonis: Yeah, the only question is when?

Dolly: When can you get away from the family obligations?

Adonis: [idk how ruster are spending the run up to NYE these days, but fill her in on your schedule and when there are potential gaps therein, we know you’re probably a busy boy even in the hols but we also know you’re not above changing your plans for her]

Dolly: Okay, so let me know when you can

Dolly: our grandparents take us out after our birthday so until then, I’m free as a bird

Adonis: [immediately suggest changing something around tomorrow because you started this highkey and it’s how you’ll go on, besides there’s realistically only a few days til her bday and you’d wanna see her before then because still don’t yet know if you’ll be able to on the day of/what’s occurring then]?

Dolly: If you think you can, do, please

Dolly: I already wish you could have stayed

Adonis: The temptation to turn this car around

Dolly: I know

Dolly: I couldn’t let you stay though, unfortunately

Adonis: Is your sister there? Is MY sister?

Dolly: Mine definitely is, I can hear someone in her room

Dolly: not sure if yours is now though

Adonis: I can’t let you stay if she is, not in good conscience, knowing you’ll never get any sleep, peace or quiet

Dolly: I’m used to it

Dolly: she used to do things like that on purpose, as weird as that sounds

Adonis: Still, the least I can do is stay awake with you, until you hopefully aren’t

Dolly: You’re so sweet

Dolly: if only I could trust her not to be weird and pry, then you could be here with me

Adonis: You can have my room, I’ll come back and get you

Dolly: I can’t have your room, what would your family think

Adonis: That I’m the perfect gentleman who can’t stand the thought of your current sleeping arrangements, because I can’t

Dolly: Oh, Adonis

Dolly: you really are but you mustn’t turn around

Adonis: I don’t want to pry but your sister is really weird and she puts me on edge

Dolly: I’d be lying for her sake if I said it was entirely an act she puts on

Dolly: but she hates me now so why would I do that

Adonis: So don’t be there with someone who hates you, you can be with me instead, and you know I like you very much

Dolly: I like you too, I had such a good day

Adonis: It doesn’t have to be over yet, not until my mum starts being ridiculously embarrassing

Dolly: 😏

[why-am-i-here-someone-save-me]

Heya! Just found your blog and absolutely adore your style :>

I wanted to see if I could get a little blurb about my experience with my three beloved limited 5 stars, tartaglia, ganyu, and kazuha.

Childe was my first limited 5 star, I played his story quest during his second rerun and fell in love! I immediately started pulling like mad, and at somewhere between 75-77 the star turned gold, and I won my first ever 50/50. He’s still probably my favorite but I’m bias as a tartaglia simp.

Now call me a fortune teller, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t be lucky again (my sisters and I are on a streak of 6 lost 50/50s, 3 of which are mine ejnentnt) and so I looked through the list of characters and immediately fell in love with ganyu and kazuha, I started saving, I did one ten pull a banner to get 4 stars and stopped at 70 pity. I had 100 wishes saved by ganyus banner, it took every single one, but there she was. After 170 wishes, my second limited 5 star.

Now at this point I was worried, I didn’t have many primos to grind in the world and at the time people where saying that kazuha was coming every version. A lot of theses happened, I saved some wishes, went on a genshin hiatus, came back, saved some more. Until there I was, kazuhas banner, with enough to guarantee him, and then he came home. (And then I lost the 50/50 for his weapon LOLLLLLL don’t do what I do it’s a scam)

Tbh I’m at an impasse in terms of wishing, I just don’t feel the need atm, I have the characters I’ve wanted from the beginning, I’ve won, my dearest darlings all came home.

Feel free to ignore if you don’t want to or if I broke any rules, but if you decided to write anything for it I’d greatly appreciate it!

Well that only took a minor eternity. IM SOOO SORRY BBY! I kept rewriting it over and over because I wanted it to be as good as I could make it, and I’m still not entirely satisfied with it, but I’ve made you wait too long already so bleeeehhh 🥲 Again, I’m so so sooo sorry for the wait!

The Three

The stars of Teyvat were not set. Each moved and sailed throughout the heavens on its own course, adrift in the cosmic seas of stardust.

Teyvat’s people, as a result, looked to the stars for signs of your will. For you did not walk the realm they did, no, you were beyond it, beyond their skies, beyond their world. There were many whom sought to interpret the stars; albeit not everyone achieved success in the matter. Some were talented enough to catch brief glimpses, quick flashes of the secrets that the astral bodies kept locked away, though these geniuses were very few in number.

It had been chaos when the first star fell from the night sky. But as more days and nights passed, more stars came from the heavens to the earth below. The shining blue lights were a true blessing to witness, but it had been the first purple star that had fallen that was the key to understanding the events.

The violet light had reached a young lady in Mondstadt, a hard worker with strong will and stronger eagerness to please. The moment she touched the light, it had been as though a warmth had filled her body, and she could practically feel power pulsing from the Geo Vision adorning her clothes.

Noelle had been the first of many to receive one of these ‘purple stars’.

But there were others who had received a different color of star. Three individuals who had been given a fragment of power from you far greater than what was contained in the violet stars.

The first had encountered the astral blessing in secret, although he did not hide the blessing he had received.

He was known by many names.

Ajax.

Childe.

Tartaglia.

The 11th of the Fatui Harbingers.

But he had one title that he held most precious of all, even above his own name.

Your First.

It had been him who had received the shooting star that seemed to turn the night sky to day with its light. He might not have been the first to feel your presence, but he had been first to feel it’s full extent, to feel your care.

Traveling with you was always exciting. Not a moment went by that he found himself bored. No matter what duties he received, it was simply a fact that the moment he felt you call, anything that Childe was working on would be left until later.

He adored journeys with you.

He adored being with you.

Ajax well and truly adored you.

The second had been blessed one busy evening, the passerby struck with awe and wonder, albeit much to her embarrassment. Unlike the first, she did not flaunt the gift you’d bestowed upon her; no, she was far too humble to brag.

Not a day went by where Ganyu did not thank you for your blessing. She was as dutiful about it as the many tasks she carried out daily. And yet for all her work, despite how seriously she took it, at your call, she’d drop it all in an instant. You were her top priority. In all things, she worked as if every duty was given to her by you.

As time went by you’d never notice how the supply of mora and experience never ran dry. And who’d ever suspect sweet passive Ganyu to be behind the matter? After all, her kind took no pleasure in battle. But Ganyu sought no glory or joy in battle, no she sought only to aid you. As much as the modern people of Liyue might respect her secretary skills, Ganyu was a survivor of the Archon Wars. She was far from weak, something that made it easy to conquer the many leylines that were scattered throughout the land. She might not have access to this ‘resin’ she’d heard you speak of, but she could still gather a bit of the resources before they disappear.

Her love language was acts of service, and when it came to you, Ganyu would give you her everything.

The Third had received your blessing whilst seeking refuge from past hardship. They spoke of it to no one, though your presence radiated from them, telling any who would feel that this was one of your Chosen, and though he said nothing, those who bore witness did not share his silence.

Kazuha had wasted no time during his flight from Inazuma. Joining the crew of the Alcor had provided him with the companionship he had wanted, though it could never replace his dear friend. When Beidou had given the order to set sail for Inazuma once again, he’d been slightly surprised. But upon hearing the reason, he couldn’t help but feel a spark of excitement appear in him. He might not have been able to prevent his friend’s fate, but he had been granted the opportunity to aid in the abolition of the Vision Hunt Decree. He may have lost some of his faith in the divine after the actions of the Raiden Shogun, but he couldn’t deny that in that moment, he has wondered if you had granted him this opportunity.

The approach to Tenshukaku had been nerve wracking, yet he pushed through nonetheless. The sight of the traveler leaving the courtyard had been reassuring, at least until he could see the shaken expression on the outlander’s face. Paimon was by their side as usual, visibly fearful and slightly trembling. Dark clouds cover the skies, violet lightning streaking through the heavens. The pressure was near crushing. When the Shogun appeared, blade drawn, it was as though he was there in the past once more, helpless to save his companion from her Divine Punishment.

No.

Not this time.

He moved without thought, drawing his blade and clashing it with the archon’s own, violet sparks flying through the air, the Masterless Vision of his dear friend blazing into purple light, and for a few seconds he faltered.

A brilliant golden light burst from the heavens, parting the dark clouds and blazing towards the earth.

When the light crashed into his form, it was as though he was filled with a energy not felt in the months since losing his friend. He knew the presence immediately.

You.

The eyes of the Shogun widened in shock as her blade was forced backwards, appalled that this human had gained your favor over her. Kazuha was blown backwards, and was left stunned for a moment. The rest of the events that followed had been a blur, and for a while he half believed that it had all been in his head. But the lingering feeling of your warmth was undeniable.

Kazuha knew that as one of the Alcor’s crew, he would not always be able to come when you called, so needless to say, both he and the rest of the crew had been quite surprised when the ronin vanished, only to appear again hours later, claiming to have been to the mainland. After several times this became something they simply accepted. Each time he would return, he’d bring back something to the crew, and Beidou jokingly said she ought to put him to work as a messenger.

You’d never notice how you never seemed to run out of ingredients and regional specialties, but rest assured, the Kaedahara was diligent about insuring he collected whatever helpful things he came across during his journeys.

He might not always be the most available, but if you should call on him, Kazuha Kaedahara will doubtless answer.

[lieutenantwilliamrusso]

NSFW Alphabet- It Will Come Back Billy Russo

A/N: 18+ minors DNI- This is just my werewolf Billy that lives in my brain, Billy and Reader are in a bad place rn, so here's some happy :)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Billy is the king of aftercare, and absolutely refuses to be separated from you. He strokes your hair, and when you're ready your skin, lulling you into a relaxed state. If it's the morning or afternoon, he coaxes you into some water and a snack if you've been going at it rough. If it's before bed, he lets you fall asleep gently, whispering how good you are for him, how beautiful.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Billy's favorite part of himself is his face. He keeps his beard neat, skin moisturized, and the hair on top is always expertly styled. It's the first thing people see when they meet him, and it's helped him get this far, especially with you.

His favorite part of you is without a doubt your thighs. They're soft and warm and when they part for him so sweetly? It just about kills him every time.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Billy loves marking you, whether it be with his teeth or with his cum. If you'll let him. he'll gladly come on your chest, ass, face, anywhere he can rub his scent into your skin before you complain it's too sticky and wash it off.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Other than him watching you get off when you don't know?

He definitely will never give back the panties he's stolen from you because he's come into all of them. He loves the way your scents mix, like you're a mated pair, even if you haven't accepted it yet.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Billy has definitely worked his way though the five boroughs before meeting you, but he's never really had a girlfriend, a true partner before. He's great at sex and makes sure you reap the full benefits of his experience.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy style :)))))

Just kidding. Billy prefers when he's on top, so he can watch your face, wrap your thighs around him. If he had to pick another, it'd probably be watching you ride him, tits bouncing and face wrapped up in pleasure. He likes to let you just take when you do that, grinding your hips the way you like until he can't handle it anymore and takes over, thrusting up into you, one hand on your hip the other wrapped in your hair.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Billy is very serious in the moment, working hard to fuck you just the way you like while also praising you constantly. After sex through, he jokes and laughs with you, dopamine taking over.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Billy is very well groomed, and prides himself on it. He's got a little hair leading down to his cock, and a light dusting around it. He loves the way you kiss the trail before blowing him, and he's elected to never shave it for that reason.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Billy's in love with you, plain and simple. He's into big gestures, small moments, and everything in between. He likes to show it most through service, whether that be caring for your basic needs, or spoiling you with gifts and a few long rounds of sex. During sex he's the same way, focused solely on your pleasure before his. He can be soft and sweet or rough and dirty but he's always, always concerned with you first. He makes sure you have a safe word and will always ask if you seem nervous or hesitant.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When you're not angry at him, Billy doesn't have much use for masturbation, since he'd much rather fuck you. But when you are mad at him? He's doing it constantly, when he's stalking you, when he's looking at pictures or footage of you, when he smells you, when he can't smell you and he misses it.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Billy has a laundry list of things he wants to try with you. He's into edging, light bondage, will absolutely, enthusiastically choke you if you ask, spanking (ass and pussy), marking you, hair pulling and of course, biting.

If there was one thing Billy would want to try, it might be hunting you. Not on a full moon, but when you're out at a cabin and he can track you while you pretend to want to get away. He'll find you somewhere out there and haul you back to the house, adrenaline pumping.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He prefers the privacy of the bedroom, but if he's desperate and its secluded, Billy has no qualms fucking you outside. You've definitely gone down on each other in the car a few times, and he always enjoys when you visit him at work after hours.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Billy has a innate need for you to be happy with him. When you're pleased, he aches to please you more, and the next thing you know his head has been between your thighs for hours.

He loves when you sit on his lap, and when you wear short skirts and dresses. There's nothing he enjoys more in the summer than sliding your skirt up your thighs and realizing there's nothing underneath.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Billy will under no circumstances share you. No one else gets to touch you, look at you, anything.

In terms of kinks, he'll try most things once, but isn't really into things like CNC because he wants you to be pleased with him. Even pretending you're not would probably make him a little upset.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves eating you out. Loves it. And he's damn talented too. He's definitely come untouched a few times from eating you out, and you've cleaned him up with your tongue afterwards.

He enjoys when you blow him, and loves the image of you on your knees or all fours, lips swollen and wet as you try to fit him into your mouth. When you choke on it and get messy he thinks he could die right there, perfectly content.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Billy's pace varies depending on his mood and the situation. He normally prefers to be a little rougher, his need for you overtaking anything else.

If the emotions are high, he's choosing slow and sensual, hips circling until you come apart under him, chanting his name.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Billy prefers to take you apart slowly, building up the pleasure with lots of foreplay. If you're visiting him at work or you're both busy, he doesn't mind a quickie as long as he gets to have you. Billy craves closeness and intimacy with you, and quickies make that harder, so he tries his best to wait until can have you for longer but sometimes he's too needy.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's definitely game for new experiences. He won't take any risks with your safety, but he will absolutely risk something like getting caught in order to make sure you're absolutely ruined afterwards.

If you want to try something new he's down and will give his all to making sure it's to your liking.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Billy can go all night, not just on a full moon. He's ready for you whenever you want him, and is always enthusiastic to please. He usually lasts longer than you, but when you're close and start squeezing his cock with your pussy he's a goner.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Billy doesn't have a ton of toys, maybe some handcuffs, or something to spank you with. You've got more, a few vibrators, dildos, toys for grinding. Billy likes to use them on you before he fucks you, and there's a particularly memorable time where he puts the grinding toy on his thigh and makes you ride it until you come, soaking his skin around it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Billy is SUCH a tease, whether it be sending dirty thoughts to you through the bond or grazing your skin as he walks by. If you're wearing a skirt he's stroking your thighs underneath it and innocently looking away when you question him. You tease him just as badly, and it makes the anticipation that much better.

If you're in the moment, he might edge you a little, sucking your nipples or being too gentle, until your bratty side comes out and you're urging him to give you more.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He can be quiet when he needs to be, but if you're at home? He's loud. Grunting, moaning, huffing and growling. He wants to let you know how good you make him feel and he doesn't feel the need to act like you're not the best he's ever had. He's always loudest right before he comes, choked moans building until he's releasing.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I think if he was in the right headspace, completely sure you were happy with him, he'd take on a submissive role. He'd get on his knees for you, say please so nicely. You'd have him suck your fingers and thank you for his orgasm.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Billy's lean and muscular, and pretty freaking tall. He's stronger than you and often uses it to his advantage, whether it be to throw you over his shoulder or hold you down to fuck into you.

As for the...important parts...he's huge. He's got a thick cock, decently long, but definitely a stretch for you. It's got a few veins that you often trace with your fingers or tongue, and it leaves an impressive line in whatever pants he's wearing.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He always wants you. It could be the middle of the night and if you were to wake him up and ask for it he'd give it to you eagerly. If he's away from you or you won't let him fuck you, he's losing it, always trying to get back inside you.

You regularly go multiple rounds and he doesn't take long to recover. The littlest things about you turn him on, from the way you smile at him to the way the dress you're wearing hugs the curve of your waist.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Billy always makes you're you're feeling okay and are taken care of before he sleeps, even if he's exhausted. If you're upset, he's staying up to comfort you. If you want to talk, he's there to listen. When he does finally sleep, it's to the peaceful sound of you breath lulling him there as he holds you.

And with that, goodnight dear readers.

[mizutori-heiko]

Mizutori’s bakudeku fanfiction master list [complete works]

Really really good writing by these incredible authors. In no particular order! These are all Top!Bakugou and Bottom!Deku. If A/B/O dynamics then it’s Alpha!Bakugou and Omega!Deku. Yes, I have preferences.

Canon World – until 15k

What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? by reading_raindrop | 8,303 | Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would.

Oh right, you were a little sh*t by SaysiWrites | 5,653 | When Midoriya Izuku gets hit by an age-reversion Quirk, the last thing anyone expected to find out is that Toddler-Izuku is a little shit. Except for one Bakugou Katsuki, who has seen this phase one too many times already. (Bonus+ the entire Little Sh*t (Kidfic) series)

Do Not Disturb by surveycorpsjean | 10,010 | Apply enough force, and something is bound to break.

And Atlas fell by supercrunch | 15,185 | They move in together, after a while. Katsuki joins Best Jeanist and Izuku trains under Gran Torino. They still take comfort in each other every day, curl up in bed and kiss and talk about how life is going. Their live are tumultuous, after all, what with villains and training and rescuing people every week. It’s nice to have something certain. At the end of a day filled with violence and adrenaline, Izuku knows he can come home to someone concrete. It’s perfect. Being a hero is scary and grueling and uncertain, but this part is just right. And then, one day, a child dies in Izuku’s arms.

be loved by bonnia | 5,403 | The kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands.

Big Protein by Mysecretfanmoments | 13,683 | Bakugou Katsuki has a thriving hero career, an agent to manage his famous attitude, and absolutely zero romantic interest in anyone. With the exception of his favourite health food joint refusing to expand to his city, his life is pretty damn perfect—so why does a viral video revealing Deku's stash of dirty mags involving him and Deku together turn everything upside-down?

Chocolate cake and resin preserved flowers by Anoksun | 11,396 | Izuku loses his memories. Katsuki struggles not to lose Izuku too.

Twin Stars by theperksofbeinglarissa | 8,435 | When Deku saves a woman's life, her quirk is accidentally activated. Her quirk? She reveals a person's soulmate. A star-shaped mark appears on Midoriya's left arm... and on Bakugou's as well. Kirishima is the only one who knows that Bakugou is Midoriya's soulmate, and Bakugou isn't taking the news very well. Can the twin stars of class 1-A work out their differences and find their happy ending?

Unhealthy Fixations by Thesis | 12,522 | Izuku is an adult who knows better than to crush on his childhood bully. AND YET.

Like the Moon by osakakitty | 14,781 | Katsuki Bakugo is having constant, erotic dreams about Izuku Midoriya. He isn’t sure why, but they won’t go away. In order to make them stop, he needs to figure out what Izuku Midoriya means to him.

Worth a Second Shot by cinnabee | 13,080 | Katsuki and Izuku celebrate registering as a Hero Duo together with a big party. What could go wrong?

Like Something Out of A Shoujo Manga by Merrywetherweather | 2,971 | Deku ends up in a rather interesting quirk accident, one that triggers flag events as if he were the protagonist of an otome game.

Canon World – 15k++

Blood Moon by lalazee | 94,860 | The Thank-Fuck-We-Aren’t-Dead Sex had started then, and had never really stopped. Then came the feelings and the fights. The ego, the pride, the jealousy. And then there was Us.

The Way You Used To Do by edema_ruh | 669,463 | During a battle, Midoriya gets hit by a villain whose quirk detaches his soul from his body. Stuck in a ghost-like state, the boy enters a race against time in order to save himself from permanently dying. Much to his luck - or lack of it -, the only person who can see and talk to him in this state is no one other than Kacchan.

Just Like Breathing by MD_Daydreamer | 35,423 | Izuku got engaged. He didn't mind. If that made Uraraka happy, he could do it. He thought his life wouldn't change much.But then, Kacchan went to live in the USA.

briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) by vannral | 15,951 | In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.

"what's your type?" by sapphicflower | 20,192 | In order to increase their popularity rankings as up and coming pro heroes, Izuku and Katsuki participate in the most popular late night talk show for hero duos - ‘Heroes Rising!’. They’re killing it, obviously, because they know each other from inside and out. Until one question stumps the two of them: “What is your hero partner’s type?”

and it was Just Right by cinnabee | 23,759 | Katsuki spends two years post-graduation in a furious one-sided competition with his childhood friend and rival's promotional photos - until they finally run into each other, and, well. You shouldn't believe everything you see in magazines. A love story about size differences.

Notice Me, Nerd by useless_donut | 40,000 | Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out. A love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A.

in your dreams, nerd! by sapphicflower | 37,639 | In a strange and unexpected set of circumstances, Izuku and Katsuki find themselves sharing their dreams together whenever they happen to fall asleep at the same time. Being hopelessly in love with each other, they don’t mind it all that much. What better way to spend time with your crush than in a stupidly vivid dream?

Hear Me by my_name_is_Levi | 22,419 | It wasn’t as if nightmares were uncommon for the freshman class of Yuuei. They’d seen plenty of things, heard and felt and witnessed enough travesty in their lives to last them a lifetime. But Midoriya Izuku was screaming, and no one, not even Bakugo Katsuki could ignore it.

Bridges by supercrunch | 18,018 | Bakugou is signed up for a Calvin Klein modeling gig. The thing is, they really do need the money. And Katsuki's technically the leader of this bunch of morons, so he finds himself taking the job even though his pride will never recover. And even though nobody thought to tell him that he'd be working with his ex-boyfriend. You know, the cute freckled guy from high school who went and broke his heart. So, yeah. This whole situation kind of sucks.

objective truth by mamalade | 15,390 | Izuku gets hit with a truth quirk, as one does. He seems to be handling it well—until Katsuki shows up.

catharsis by dollcewrites | 15,071 | It's been six years since Izuku graduated.It's been six years since he confessed to his childhood friend; his classmate and his inspiration. It's been six years since he deleted Bakugou's number, asked his friends not to mention the name, spent every last effort of his heart turning off the TV and averting his eyes from the newspapers. It's been six, long, long years since he gave up on Katsuki Bakugou ever loving him back.

Here here, my friends and me (You are my familia) by Jeka | 128,832 | Bakugou Katsuki has made a great job of ignoring the fact that he is tragically in love with Deku, someone who could never love him like that and let's face it, he doesn't deserve. Now that he can't ignore it anymore, he has to find a way to keep his childhood friend and move on for his own sake. Or so he had thought, maybe he can have Deku, after all. Izuku has everything he always wanted in life. But suddenly he has to navigate the most important relationship in his life through different eyes.

Canon World – Jealous! 

Hands Off by SaysiWrites | 7,140 | When a new girl at school starts flirting with Bakugou, his friends quickly become invested in the idea of their friend experiencing love - even if he doesn't seem at all interested in her. What they don't see is Midoriya fuming in the background. But how can he get rid of her when they've spent so long keeping their relationship a secret?

Surfaces by surveycorpsjean | 25,225 | Katsuki has a new girlfriend, but something isn't right. As impossible as it is, Izuku can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be called Katsuki's girl.

Green-Eyed Beast by SecretKiwi | 4,721 | Everyone wants a piece of Katsuki Bakugou, but they should beware of the Green-eyed beast always lurking close behind him.

Green with Envy by Sol_Morales707 | 2,611 | Izuku Midoriya is not as innocent and pure as everyone thinks he is. The truth was he was very jealous and willing to do anything for a certain blonde.

Happy Camper by Arysa | 7,074 | Wanting a break from the stress of dealing with the rookie Pro Hero grind, a handful of students from Class A decide to go on a camping trip. Izuku's excited to relax and catch up with everyone, especially Kacchan. But, well, Kacchan's... Kacchan. And dating Kirishima.

How to stop time: kiss by Teddingtons | 31,693 | Deku finally asks Uraraka out. Everyone's supportive except Bakugou who can't even look him in the eye. Deku seeks him out after and is hit with truth.

What I Deserve by s_the_queen | 16,671 | When Izuku starts dating a student in General Studies, everyone is happy for him. She's super sweet and really caring. But something doesn't sit right with Katsuki.

Deku's Already Fucking Taken by asdfjkl129 | 20,704 | 5 times people don't realize that Deku is already in a very happy relationship and try their hand at asking him out, and then in Bakugou's unique and special style, get very firmly corrected, +1 time where no correction is needed.

His by sister_elric | 6,206 | Izuku would like to consider himself a pretty level headed individual. Sure, he had the occasional tunnel vision, especially when it came to training. And hero work. And Kacchan. But, overall, Midoriya felt as though he typically kept his cool. Well, maybe that was a stretch. But, at the very least he could understand his own emotions. So, it surprised even him when an unfamiliar emotion coursed through him as a first year approached his boyfriend, Katsuki.

Down the Red Line by MinervaHope | 7,804 | Izuku has been able to see the red strings of fate since birth. It's no surprise that his is connected to Katsuki.

Canon World – Fake Relationship Goes Wrong

how he should’ve known (and how it turned out) by vannral | 43,918 | In which Katsuki and Izuku pretend to be a couple to avoid journalists, the plan backfires magnificently because of course it does, and the act goes on. Includes feelings, pining, domestic fluff and jealousy.

Vicious by feelslikefire | 105,173 | Midoriya and Bakugou wind up in the very last position either of them thought they'd be in: Hero Partners. It's not fun, but they learn to cope. Their first big assignment together takes them undercover to infiltrate a cult, but the situation turns out far more sinister than they first thought.

What I can never tell you by Mikacrispy | 27,067 | After living in the US for 5 years, Izuku returns to take care of a concussed Bakugou who believes they're engaged. Now, Izuku has to pretend he's in a relationship with the man he's loved for most of his life, knowing that it's just a matter of time until Katsuki gets better and realizes it's all a lie.

Not-Dating by MiraChaDoodles | 14,290 | Katsuki takes Deku on a not-date to save his career, only to find himself wishing it were real.

we'll do the things that lovers do by ethereals | 29,544 | Izuku gets an invitation to Shouto's wedding and Katsuki is PISSED that he asks Kirishima to be his date (also he wasn't even fucking invited

Canon World – Friends With Benefits (?) 

Four Times Bakugou Katsuki Doesn't Intend to Sleep With Midoriya Izuku (And the One Time that He Does) by fallingraine85 | 17,601 | He hadn’t planned for any of this. He isn’t about to go delving into the ball of yarn that is Midoriya Izuku’s heart; he isn’t equipped to try and untangle and make sense of it all. He isn’t about to try to analyze how he’s feeling about all of this, either.... How many times can you repeat the same mistake?

We Wear Chains on the Weekend by surveycorpsjean | 35,086 | Well, in a day of revelations, it turns out that Izuku isn't as vanilla as Katsuki previously thought. Unfortunately, that fascinating discovery is overshadowed by Izuku's dumbassery, because he has zero concept of aftercare."Don't go to anyone else," Katsuki says, because screw it. He can do a better job anyways. Or; Katsuki finds Izuku on a bad drop.

Just for Now by Shiro_Kabocha | 48,135 | Katsuki's parents are out of town over a school break and to keep him from getting up to any shenanigans, they ask Izuku to house sit with him. What are two teenaged boys to do when left alone to their own devices? (Bonus+ the entire Just for Love series)

safe in the darkness by yoonskisses | 20,855 | Izuku and Katsuki had been meeting up secretly for months, with absolutely no feelings involved. Or so Katsuki thought at least. The dorm gossip about Ochaco and Izuku's new relationship seemed to set a spanner in the works for their arrangement.

Alternative Universe – No Quirks

Bluebird by EtherealBeing | 53,108 | Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact. However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

Someone Borrowed by mynameis152 | 138,996 | It felt like hours that he stared at Izuku, coming to terms with the fact that a man, his childhood best friend, whom he hadn’t seen since their senior year of high school, was there in front of his very eyes. Then his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched before he uttered through gritted teeth the very name Izuku had longed to hear for years. “Deku.”

Dark Side of the Sun by Synnie | 51,598 | Staying up too late playing video games, Kirishima wasn't expecting to get an urgent call begging for help. Next thing he knew, he was letting his classmate Izuku Midoriya take refuge in his apartment - without consulting his always angry roommate.

Manage Me by Justaperson1718 | 10,756 | Izuku becomes Katsuki’s model agent.

Don't Set Your Drink Down by Crandberrycrush | 88,424 | With sudden clarity Izuku realized he had broken the first rule of going out. Never leave your drink unattended.

Livewire by pretty_rekless | 18,160 | Per Ochako's request, Izuku downloads a gay dating app in hopes to finally find a partner. Except every single one of his leads keep ghosting him or standing him up... That is until one hot, fiery blond enters the chat. Grindr/Tinder AU fic.

Drinking Watermelon by warschach | 8,906 | Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.

Precious Pet by Mikacrispy | 6,379 | When broke college student Midoriya Izuku found a job that offered lodging, food, and good pay for four hours of work each day, he thought it was too good to be true. But he called anyway. Turns out all he has to do is to be the spoiled little puppy of a rich businessman.

Our Eleven Summers by Dark_Mage_Ayumu | 34,472 | The first time Katsuki met Izuku was when he was eight. For the next eleven years, Izuku changed his life, and no one even knew. Their relationship was something they shared in secret.

sticky note crushes by ladyofsnails | 3,239 | Katsuki hates his roommate. The green-haired, freckled, artsy son of a bitch with his dumb pun t-shirts and paint-stained hands he can’t fucking keep to himself. Katsuki can’t leave a single assignment or paper out in his room because that idiot will just grab anything to draw on it. He’s like a shark that can’t stop swimming else it’ll die – he can’t stop drawing. Ever.

Don't Play Pretend by SweetSide | 10,103 | Actor AU: Deku and Bakugou get the leading roles for an upcoming TV Drama. They weren’t aware that they would be working with each other for who knows how long. It would’ve been completely fine if they weren’t exes.

97.6 FM by jamjars | 32,249 | Izuku can’t stop listening to the radio host with the deep voice who sounds like he’s stuck in 2010. It’s a harmless crush. That is until he starts calling into the show under the pseudonym Deku.

Read {between} Your Lines by greatcloudninja | 52,252 | Midoriya Izuku, up-and-coming actor, has finally hit his big break (...), Bakugou Katsuki, who has been acting for over twenty years.However, Bakugou seems to have it out for Izuku, leading to tension both on and off set. When some incriminating photos surface, the studio suggests (...): having Bakugou and Midoriya fake a relationship to get ahead of the rumors. 

I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts by PassingShadow | 5,522 | Izuku is a professional cuddler and Katsuki is his new client that’s just a little rough around the edges, and needs a natural healing touch.

Alternative Universe – Quirkless Deku

A Good Old-Fashioned Tattoo AU by lalazee | 14,437 | After their paths had split, Bakugou & Deku meet again as adults. While Bakugou begins to repent for the kid he used to be, he also starts to prove himself as he the man he is now.

Call Me a Safe Bet (I'm Betting I'm Not) by WTTTD | 10,803 | He wished he had some sort of heads up before seeing Deku again for the first time after nearly two years, looking like the essence of a lazy Sunday, smiling and surrounded with brand new, adoring friends. It was a little fitting that Katsuki burned for him so badly. (Support Department Deku)

In Which Kacchan Has a Ruff Time by OneshotPrincess | 14,511 | Bakugou Katsuki gets quirked into a dog, gets adopted by an unknowing Izuku and generally has a very rough few days full of realizations

While You Were Sleeping by Belkacaramelka (annabelleg) | 71,197 | The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Let Me Assist You Personally by Seeress | 32,806 | Izuku is long-suffering Personal Assistant to #1 Pro Hero Dynamight.Dynamight can't keep a PA to save his career. They all quit crying after a few days weeks. Enter, Izuku—with enough money problems to brave the jaws of the cranky beast. Childhood friend turned glorified paid slave. Somehow it all works out. ‘Kill them with kindness’, his mom had told him once. If that were true, Bakugou Katsuki would be stone-cold dead by now.

Smile For The Camera by kurokonekokilled | 19,179 | Midnight has a cam site, home to millions of users, but one catches Katsuki's eye when he goes scrolled through it in search for something to help him release a little stress. A live stream and the best orgasm of his life later, his wallet is lighter, and he might be almost as obsessed with this Deku guy as the cam boy is with him.

Just Like The Comics by brichibi | 24,935 | Where Izuku works at a comic book shop because that’s as close to a hero as he’s gonna get, and Katsuki plays the part of heroic ex-boyfriend who is good at everything except winning Izuku back... maybe

Alternative Universe – Quirks

Get on my Level by Mikacrispy | 92,273 | Bakugou Katsuki is a Pro Hero whose boss demands him to take an intern. Midoriya Izuku is a UA student who needs an internship. When the two of them are put together, they learn about what it truly means to be a Hero and what it means to be in love.

A/B/O – Secret! Baby

Home by Emerald2402 | 87,214 | Midoriya Izuku left Japan in a rush, moving to America without a word to anyone else. But then almost 11 years later he arrives back Home and Bakugou Katsuki's Alpha is furious. Fuck that, Bakugou is furious, because Midoriya Izuku, an omega he tasted one time, has been keeping a very big, very blonde haired, green eyed secret.

Those Under the Same Stars by PerpetuallyPerturbed | 325,553 | When Katsuki Bakugo left Izuku Midoriya five years ago, he thought it was for forever. He put aside dreams and wishes of the omega to focus on his career. He was going to be the best hero, after all. He couldn't have an omega getting in his way. So when he's stopped on the streets one day by a pup begging for help for his mom, he isn't prepared to face what he gave up, and what the consequences of his actions were. (Quirkless Deku)

A/B/O – Quirks

Mark Me. Make Me Yours. by decadentbynature | 10,062 | Midoriya is the only Omega at UA and he's been hiding it well but there's one issue that threatens to expose him: his attraction to an Alpha, Bakugo. After being told to give some paperwork to Bakugo, Midoriya lets him into his dorm room and is immediately overwhelmed by his scent. Unable to help himself, he gives in to his urges, only to be discovered by Bakugo but instead of becoming enraged, Bakugo decides to give Midoriya exactly what he wants

Claim Me by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 114,449 | Being an Alpha has nothing to do with Katsuki's success as a Pro-Hero, the same way Deku's Omega status hasn't kept him from becoming Number Two. Secondary gender doesn't mean anything nowadays and “mating” is an antiquated practice. So when Izuku, his rival, asks Katsuki to Claim him in the middle of the night, there is only one logical thing to say. “What the fuck?”

Change of Plans by Mikacrispy | 185,965 | Alpha Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki never planned to get married to some random omega but what he wants isn't an option anymore. One for All wielder Midoriya Izuku has suffered injustice too many times and doesn't plan in allowing his secondary gender to dictate how he must live his life. Falling in love was never in the plans.

Going Feral For You by ANGIE_fic | 17,977 | Bakugou has an aggression problem that might have to do with his Alpha. His job is on the line because of it. So what do you do with a pent up Alpha? Yes.Rut. (Quirkless Izuku)

i live for you, i long for you by jeonjeonggukkkkkie | 19,165 | The five times Izuku hinted he wants Katsuki to spend his next heat with him, and the one time Katsuki took the hint.

Baby's First Bloom by ContraryBee | 44,945 | Izuku blooms for Katsuki one warm day in their third year of middle school. What follows is both boys learning about themselves, their bond, and the society they live in.

As Fate Would Have It by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 88,737 | Katsuki Bakugo had plenty of reasons why he wasn't mated yet, not that he was going to explain why to just anyone. But now, Ground Zero was running out of time. If he didn't find someone soon, he'd lose his position as a Pro-Hero and he'd never get to be #1. So, when he finds out there's a male Omega recently arrested for prostitution that's headed to prison if he too doesn't get a mate…well it must be fate. (Quirkless Izuku)

A/B/O – No Quirks

Gravity by warschach | 71,477 | Izuku is back in his hometown and plenty hasn't changed much from the 8 years he was gone. Except, Katsuki Bakugou, the alpha king of their small town. He's hotter- because that's fair, right, God? -, stronger, a now-famous pro fighter, and noticeably nicer this round.Not that he cares, pfft. (Fine, he cares.)

Nine Months by greatcloudninja | 23,303 | Omega Midoriya Izuku connects with Alpha Bakugou Katsuki through an online singles ad. Izuku pays Katsuki to help him with his heat, ending up pregnant in the process. What follows is a pregnancy filled with ups and downs, but whatever hurdles come their way, they can make it through together.

The long dark by Ominous-Anonymous (Ominonymous) | 13,289 | He could have been really dangerous. He could be a fucking murderer for all he knew. But Izuku Midoriya, ever the reckless daredevil, was not thinking of that when he got into a car with a complete stranger. Completely ignoring the part where his mother always taught him to never gets into cars with alphas he didn't know...

[boldlyvoid]

Million Dollar Man | chapter two

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, drinking mention, lowkey perv!Spencer, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), grinding, love confessions, arrangements, Spencers anxiety, (more to add)

word count: 3.4K

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and saturdays at 2 pm est

Chapter Two | Masterlist

She sat on the subway with an anxious pit in her stomach and her purse held close to her chest. Her laptop in her bag, she didn’t want to lose it on her way to the most important meeting of her whole life.

Her story was becoming a book, she was almost done the final draft, they were making touch-ups to the cover and picking the type of paper today.

Her dreams were coming true within the next month, soon she’d have a physical copy of her book, her pre-sales were showing that she’d be on the bestseller list, and her name was finally going to be on the cover of this one.

She sighed and reached for her necklace, holding it between her fingers as she took a few deep breaths. She was doing so much better today than she was last year and it was all because of Spencer, he was the best thing to happen to her. To think she complimented his sweater vest and now he’s the only person in her life she can count on.

All she can think about is him for the rest of her journey, through 4 more stops she keeps her eyes closed as she thinks of all his little facts and his cute laugh. She smiles to herself and the anxiety slips away, she loves him and she knows that for sure, but she just doesn’t know how she loves him.

She’s never had a sibling, her best friends are all women, her previous boyfriends were all shit and her other sugar daddies were never this wonderful, and her parents are lesbians… she doesn’t know what her feelings really are for Spencer, mainly because she’s never known any other men to compare him to.

But she does know the exact moment she realized she fell for him.

He booked a hotel room in DC after a local case, asking her to meet him in there at 10 pm. She was waiting in the bathtub when he arrived, bubbles galore, her hair up and arms open, “welcome home, honey.”

He laughs, “you want me to get in there with you?”

She just nods, “let me take care of you, daddy?”

He takes off his blazer, pulls his tie off and starts to unbutton his shirt. She watches patiently as he gets undressed, and it’s not sexual to her. He’s her person, her best friend, the only human being she would ever share a moment like this with and that’s when it hits her.

She doesn’t accept it just yet.

It’s not until he’s lying on her chest, between her legs, cheek resting on her boobs as she runs a sponge over his back while he gives her a little run down on his terrible week. His co-worker almost died, his mom is stressing him out, the only good thing he has left is her and she knows that.

“And then I get to my moms facility and she’s had a really good day, she knows me and she knows all of my childhood again and she’s all right there in front of me and yet she’s so far away. I’m never going to get all the time I want with her and it’s really hard to accept.”

He shares things with her that he doesn’t even tell his therapist. Because his therapist doesn’t hold him like a child against her chest and tell him he’s okay when he get’s upset.

Y/N loves him, so she kisses his forehead, “I’m so sorry, I have 2 moms if you’d like to have one?”

“It’s okay, I would love to meet them sometime though,” he wraps his arms around her waist a little tighter under the water. “Thank you for tonight.”

“Did I mention my leg is 44 inches from hip to toe?” She asks in the middle of the silence, quoting pretty woman, knowing he hasn’t seen that far into the movie yet. “So basically we’re talking about 88 inches of therapy for the bargain price of $800 dollars a week.”

Her legs wrap around him and their naked bodies are closer than they’ve ever been and yet it’s completely platonic, “I’d spend a million dollars on you if it always meant feeling this good after.”

She runs her cheek along his wet hair as he snuggles into her neck, “mmm, I like the sound of that,” she teased. “My million dollar man.”

Her stop rolls around and she pulls herself out of her day dreams to get off the train and head to her meeting. She smiles as she walks through the station, up the stairs and onto the busy downtown streets when she gets a text with Spencers special chime. She opens it when she gets to where she’s going, safely inside and in the waiting room.

It makes her laugh in the waiting room. People look at her but she doesn’t care, he’s so special to her she feels butterflies in her stomach even when he’s not around.

“Y/N!” She hears her name being called by her editor, he’s over ecstatic as he comes running out to get her. “Come, come we have so many choices to make!” He jumps up and down as he holds her arm, like a child in a candy store.

“Andy, chill man,” she laughs at him and plays it cool, “It’s just the cover being finalized.”

“It’s our baby!” He teases back, pushing his glasses up and tugging her behind the glass doors of the office.

She’s surrounded by people and paper and huge versions of her book cover. She has a sharpie as she fixed mistakes and jots down final ideas. “And I wan’t Phil to look more human and less like data from Star Trek?”

“But Dorothy looks okay?” The artist asks, nervously and Y/N can tell.

“She looks beautiful! You really brought her justice,” she smiles, “really she looks the same in my head! It’s just Phil and I’m sure it’s tough getting a drawing to look like a robotic human, let alone human.”

“I have some ideas?” She opens up more, taking her iPad out and sliding it across the table, “I wanted to give him more of a Sophia feel? His face is silicone but his joints and everything are more like an Elon Musk crash dummy.”

“That’s perfect!” She’s shocked, “why didn’t that go in the first draft?”

“I was worried it was too much,” she’s a little older than Y/N, and yet her anxiety is that of a teenage girl. “I’m going to get working on the final, do you want some emailed versions tonight?”

“Yes please,” she smiles.

“So we’re done?” Andy asks, “we’ve made all our final calls?”

“I believe we have,” Y/N closes her laptop and takes her phone out, taking a photo of the final rough sketch of her book cover on the table to send to Spencer before he comes to pick her up. She can’t wait to see him now.

—

They’re sitting side by side in matching spa robes, he’s getting a pedicure while she gets her nails done. Leaning back in her chair with a face mask and cucumbers on her eyes, she’s never felt more relaxed in her life. And just in time too, her back was killing her from writing, her knuckles hurt and she just needed a break.

Spencer did too, he was genuinely not having a good time at work anymore, every case made him spiral and he always looked to Y/N on days like that. They met more than once a week now, she got $800 every Friday and she didn’t even really need it anymore. He was coving for so much of her bills and lively hood that her savings account was growing and growing because of him.

For the first time in her life she thought she would be okay if a man left her. As terrible as it was, as much as her moms tried to raise her differently, she fell down the daddy issues rabbit hole and she’s never going to find her way out— however, luckily for her, Spencer is down here too, and he brought a flashlight.

He understands her, more than anyone else on earth. He knows all her secrets, every crush and bad grade and snide remark she’s ever kept to herself. He didn’t judge her, he could actually listen to her issues and tell her why she had them. He gave better advice than a therapist and he was able to get information for her if he didn’t know the answer to what she was going through.

He’s absolutely everything to her and yet he’s 14 years older than her, he’s still traumatized beyond belief, he’s sad and ashamed and recovering… but he’s the best man in the whole world and she wishes he could see that. If he just looked at himself from her eyes, if he felt how she did in her soul when they were together, he’d love himself.

They’re too relaxed to drive home, and Spencer knew that would happen beforehand, bringing her a change of clothes (lingerie) and that robe me mentioned. He books a hotel above the spa and takes her to it. Arms linked as they enter the suite, she’s amazed to find more than one gift bag on the bed.

“How many gifts is this now?”

“We’re at 5 out of 24.”

She laughs as she wraps her arms around him in a thank you hug, “this is what you consider 4 gifts? Spencer there are like 8 things on the bed, let alone the massage and manicure?”

“If you think this is too much I guess you’re going to get really mad next week,” he teases as she looks up at him with a surprised look on her face.

“Spencer, I am so busy next week, I cannot be galavanting around with my sugar daddy,” she tries to act like she doesn’t want to go on an adventure with him again.

The last trip they took was the best week of her life. They went to all the historical sites in the UK that she and Spencer had talked about. Mainly old churches and castles, strange poets graves, random art and most importantly; stone henge. It was a trip of a lifetime and he took it with her.

“I watched the rest of Pretty Woman the other day,” he smiles, “and I thought I’d pull an Edward Lewis and really surprise you because you deserve it.”

“You know how the movie ends, right?” Her heart beats really fast in her chest and she wants him to love her so bad but it’s also terrifying now that she’s this close.

“He lets her choose,” he whispers.

“He rescues her,” she corrects him.

“And she rescues him right back,” he really did watch the end of the movie.

It makes her heart skip a beat as she swallows sharply, “what does this mean for us?”

“I have a whole plan, a whole sequence of events I want to stick to. I wanted to make you fall in love with me this week and ask you on your birthday, can we still do that?” He pleads with her, he’s so serious. He’s clearly put a lot of effort into this.

“Absolutely,” she smiles, “but if you’re going to make me wait that long for you to ask, you still can’t kiss me till then. No matter how much I already love you.”

“Really?” He’s so soft with her, she knows he’s not reacting to the teasing. He’s never had someone tell him they love him and then stay after.

“I would never lie to you about that, spence. I know what love means to you, I know how scared you are and I’m scared too. But I know there is no one else in the whole world I’d rather be scared with than you,” she holds him tighter and rubs her nose against his, “so what’s in the bags, daddy? Finish your surprise.”

She plays along perfectly, stepping back and hauling him towards the bed. “I got you some outfits and things for the next 2 weeks, we have a few things planned. We’re going on a flight soon, I have new luggage being delivered to your apartment this week and we’re going to see your moms for 3 days.”

“No,” she shakes her head, “there’s no way, Spencer, I haven’t seen them in 5 years, I’m going to cry.”

“I know,” he cups her jaw with his hand. “They’re really excited to see you.”

She hugs him tight, kissing his neck as she holds him. “Thank you, daddy, do you want me to put something on for you now?”

“I’m just going to take it off you, plus, what your wearing is sexy enough, he whispers back. “You’re always so beautiful, baby.”

“I thought you were saving the best for last?” She asks as she pulls back, overly eager and he can tell.

“I want to repay the favour from the other night.”

She doesn’t mean to gasp and yet she does, “please?”

He pulls on the tie of her robe, opening it enough to snake a hand behind her back and draw her in with a hand on her bare back. “Please what?”

“Please, daddy?” She looks up with her best begging eyes, perfect pout and all. “I want you to touch me, I promise I’ll be a good girl.”

He steps away from her to swipe all the bags off the bed before picking her up and laying her back against the pillows. He kisses down her body, hand on her lover back as she arches, he drags his bottom lip from her belly button to her cleavage. Nipping and sucking at the exposed skin on her chest, pulling her breasts out of the bra to suck on her nipples, she moans and it’s louder than she expected.

As she plays with his hair, he marks her, bruising small little love bites all the way down as he makes his way between her legs, “take me, please?”

He’s been dreaming of this for so long, he can’t even give you an accurate number of times his mind has drifted to the thought of how wonderful she would taste, how beautiful she’d sound…

“Tell me how badly you want me?” He asks as he spreads her legs and kisses her left thigh.

“I haven’t had sex in 10 months while waiting for you. Daddy, please you’ve owned me for so long, just take what’s yours already for gods sa- OH!”

With a broad lick, his tongue flattens against her core and it shuts her up. She gets what she wants, holding into his hair as she tosses her head back, taking it all in and enjoying it. He’s been on her mind for months, every time her vibrator was where he is now, she thought of him. he’s been the man of her dreams longer than she’s known him, and he was proving it.

“Right there, daddy,” she speaks through shallow breaths, “do you know how much I’ve thought of this?”

“You know I don’t,” the vibrations of his voice against her skin are glorious, he looks up at her through his lashes as his tongue flicks over her clit and she shakes a bit.

“Fuck,” she gasps, gripping his hair tighter, “better than I thought you’d be, fuck, too bad you— Jesus, don’t have the stash anymore…”

He stops and looks up at her, the smirk on his face glistening with her juices, “the stash?”

She nods, “I’ve thought about calling it the pussy tickler,” she teases, running her hand down his cheek and swiping her thumb across his bottom lip before bringing it up to her mouth to taste, “I want more of you.”

He kisses back up her body and she reaches for his robe the second he’s close enough. “Just grind against me? I know you’re waiting but we can still feel good together?”

He kisses the side of her mouth and she takes that as a yes, wrapping her legs around him so his hard cock is pressed right against her core as they move their hips in synchronicity with each other. His breathing is heavy as he kisses her cheek and jaw, her nails scratch down his back, he feels absolutely amazing against her.

She feels so empty, she wants him so bad she’s clenching around nothing as she squirms against his cock and wishes she was full.

“I wish I could move time,” she whispers. “Fuck, why can’t it be my birthday?”

He laughs against her, grazing his teeth over her neck and drawing another moan from her but then he stops moving his hips, “why are you so impatient?”

“Remember I said I stopped enjoying everything? Well, taking a 10 month break from sex and thinking about you every time I got off has made me desperate,” her hand cups his cheek, “I’d wait forever for you, but a girl needs to be fucked hard every once in a while.”

Only she could find a way to make something both profoundly beautiful and whorish at the same time, he loved her for it and she knew that now. He smiles and leaned in to rub his nose against hers and it takes everything in her not to kiss him. The same way it was taking everything in him not to slip into her as he began to grind against her once more.

She’s so close, the accidental edging has added a whole new level of desperation she’s never felt before. She wants to cum for him so bad, but more importantly she wants him to cum for her.

“Take my bra off,” she whispers, Spencer’s hands travel behind her back to unclasp it and he helps her out of it before tossing it to the floor.

“Cum for me daddy,” she whispers in his head with a hand in his hair, gripping him tightly as he bites at her neck, “cover me with your cum like you’re marking your territory.”

“Shit,” his hips sputter against hers.

“Say it, I know you want to,” she teases, so close to the edge but it’s too good of an opportunity. She loves seeing him fall apart like this and she can’t wait to see it again. “Who’s am I?”

“Daddy’s girl.”

He grinds down on her harder and faster and she’s so close, the bubble in her gut is reaching a fever pitch and with a gasp, she’s cumming and then she feels it. His load covers her stomach as he pants against her neck and grips her hips tighter as he comes down.

She wraps her arms around him and holds him as close as humanly possible, her breathing still heavy as he rises and falls on her chest. He’s heavy but she doesn’t care, she just kisses the top of his head and thanks him.

He brushes his nose against her neck, nuzzling her like a cat, “do you really mean it?”

“What, honey?” He remembers so much, this could be a question about something she said 2 months or 2 minutes ago and she has no clue.

“You’re not just playing along with my kinks right, you genuinely want to be mine?”

For being her million dollar man, his heart sure was broke. This is why he wasn’t ready, he still didn’t understand why she would want to stay without anything in return, he’s gotten so used to paying her for her time now that his anxiety has managed to convince him that she’ll leave when he stops being worth it to her.

“What does my necklace say?” She asks, knowing how close he was to it. “Read it to me, I forget.”

“Daddy’s girl,” he smiles again.

She soothes her hands over his back, “I would do anything with you because I love and trust you, but also because everything you do is sexy… you could read me the dictionary and I’d still want you to pump me full of cum after.”

“It sounds so crude after,” he laughs, “speaking of, we really need to have a shower.”

“I’ll wash your back if you wash mine?” She teases as he gets up.

“Only if you let me wash the front too?”

She smacks his bare ass and races him into the bathroom, turning on the water and getting in with him while still laughing and carrying on. He’s her best friend in the whole world, there’s no one else she would rather do this with… there was no one she has done this with. No one has made her feel this good, before during and after sex.

Spencer Reid was an anomaly, but he was hers.

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Sugar daddy fic (Some tags didn't work)

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[redpandaramblings]

Two Weeks- Alpha Gang Orca x Omega f!reader

Hello everyone! Was in an odd mood, so I wrote this little drabble epilogue for A Matter of Admiration. While this short could be read as a stand alone, it will absolutely make a lot more sense if you read the main story first.

Content warning- Omegaverse, fluff, minorly suggestive

Kugo impatiently tapped his fingers on his desk. It was approaching midnight as he stared at the clock on his computer screen. Each second seemed like five as he waited for the minutes to tick by. This had become a usual habit of his in the last few months. At least three times a week he could be found here at this time doing exactly the same thing. It used to be every day, until you had realized what he was doing. A scolding he probably would have ignored, but he felt like he was going to die the week you wouldn’t accept his calls. It hadn’t been any comfort to see you looked in as bad of shape as he did after that week.

Three minutes after midnight the videocall request notification lit up his screen. It’s a wonder Kugo didn’t break the mouse with how fast and forcefully he clicked accept. Your smiling face lit up his screen and his heart.

“Hello Handsome. Miss me?”

“Every second.” He murmured.

Your smile softened. “Miss you too. Promise you’re actually getting sleep though?”

“I am. Wish you were here though. Hate this time difference.”

“Me too, love. Me too. It’s only for a few more weeks though.”

“And then you’re home and never leaving my sight again.”

You chuckled. “I think that would make patrols rather difficult, beloved.”

He smiled at you, leaning his head on his hand as the tension of the day drained from his shoulders. “We’d figure something out. I’m sure you could come up with something.”

“I absolutely could. But I don’t think tactical baby harness would be a good look on you.”

“Oh, I don’t know. The public might find it charming. Soften my image.”

You laughed. “As if you’d let me anywhere close to the action.”

Kugo hummed and nodded as he contemplated. “This is true. Guess I’ll just have to retire from hero work and become your lab assistant.”

“You’d burn down my lab in an hour.”

“Well then, I guess I’ll just have to become your sugar baby.”

You cackled. “Oh. My. God. You did not just say that. You absolutely did not say that.”

“What’s the matter? Don’t want to buy your sugar baby pretty things?”

You wheezed. “That’s it. I’m hanging up.”

He nodded, making an exaggerated sad face. “Parental abandonment. No wonder I resorted to becoming a sugar baby.”

You were gasping with laughter. “Stop!”

He grinned as he watched you. He loved when you laughed, memorizing the way your mouth open and the crinkles by your eyes. You calmed, wiping the tears of laughter away. You attempted and didn’t quite succeed in trying to look stern.

“You’re not allowed to use the phrase ‘sugar baby’ ever again.”

“No promises.”

You shake your head, leaning back in your chair, your spine popping in protest. “Fearsome Gang Orca, everyone thinks. So stern and serious and strict. Always intimidating. What a crock.”

“Disappointed?”

You smile softly. “Never. Love you, Alpha.”

It had been months, and it still filled his stomach with butterflies every time he heard it.

“Love you too, omega. You taking care of yourself? Have you eaten yet?”

You shook your head. “Taking care as much as the job allows, but haven’t eaten yet. Give me a sec and I’ll grab it.”

Kugo watched his screen as you stood and made your way across the lab you were in. He wished he could reach through the screen and touch, and smell, and bite. Your form was perfect. You were perfect. You were perfect and his. And you were over ten thousand kilometers away. He growled low in the back of his throat.

You smirked as you settled yourself back into your seat. “Behave, Alpha.”

He cleared his throat, flushing. He hadn’t even realized he was making noise. Kugo brought his attention fully back to you, a gentle smile spreading across his face when he saw what you held.

“I miss those almost as much as I miss you.”

“Wish I still could get them to you somehow. But I don’t think a bento would survive that long of a trip. And I know you. You’d eat it anyway and make yourself sick.”

“Well, couldn’t let your hard work go to waste.”

You shook your head. “You’re at least eating though? Promise?”

“I am, promise. Even if nothing is half as good as what you make.”

The conversation continued on, Kugo mostly talking as you ate. He told you about how things were at the agency, making you laugh at stories about the trouble the new interns had gotten themselves into. In no time at all, an hour had flown by. The clock chiming if your lab interrupted your chatter about the latest gadget you had been tinkering with. You frowned and sighed. “Guess I need to get back to the grind.”

“I wish you didn’t.” Kugo murmured.

“I know. But just two more weeks now.”

“Two more weeks. Feels like forever.”

“I know.” You smiled sadly. “But it will be over quicker than you think. Unless I take Jim up on his offer to renew my contract of course.”

Kugo growled loudly and you laughed. “Don’t even joke about that.”

“You don’t need to worry. It’s been fun and I’ve learned a lot, but your agency has certain benefits nowhere else can match. Such as the handsomest Alpha in the world.”

Said alpha gave a pleased rumble. Kugo caressed the side of his screen, wishing he could touch you instead. “Just two weeks.”

“Two weeks.”

“You’ll be lucky if I don’t just mate you at the airport.”

“I wouldn’t mind, if I didn’t think it would tank your hero ratings. Actually nevermind, I would mind. Your rank would go up because people would be ogling my handsome Alpha.”

Kugo chuckled. “Wouldn’t want anyone getting too good a view of my pretty omega, either.”

The two of you smiled, just drinking each other in for a few moments longer.

“Do have to go now,” you sighed.

“Go do brilliant work like you always do.”

“Two weeks.”

“Two weeks.”

[hollandsmushroom]

That Was Hot

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

AU: Frat!Tom

Word Count: 2,356

A/N: Um, this is pure filth and it came to me when I watched How To Get Away With Murder and Asher said that was hot like i want you to sit on my face hot and I couldn’t get it out of my head. 

Warnings: Drinking, Drunkenness, unwanted Sexual advances, jealousy, face sitting, oral(fem receiving), cum eating, cum play, dry humping, frat boys. 

You weren’t drunk, tipsy? Sure, but drunk? No. Your words were clear as ever but your aim was a little wonky as you stood across the table from the two frat boys who you recognized but did not know the name of. You saw your boyfriend walking up to you, always loving to watch you do literally anything and destroying his frat bros at beer pong was one of his favorite things. The boys you were up against were blatantly waisted, their aim probably already off with how much alcohol was coursing through their veins, you were confident that you were gonna win. 

“We so got this” One boy slurred to the other, putting a hand up for a high five, receiving nothing but a brush of pinkys as his teammate almost entirely missed his hand. 

A smile grew on your lips as you watched the interaction, and untamed laughter passing your friends lips causing you to follow suit, hunching over as laughter gripped your sides, it was a drunk laugh, messy and uninhibited. Tom’s eyes were trained on you as he watched you fall apart, he knew your reaction was overstated but he didn’t care, he just loved seeing you happy.  

“What's so funny?” one of the boys inquired incredulously, his words prompting you to eye your friend again, still biting back laughter at the boy's childish response and lack of self awareness.  You both knew how this was gonna go, both confident in your ability to win, so why not have some fun while you're at it. 

“Just you guys thinking you’re gonna win” you taunted, only riling the rowdy frat boys up even more. You held the ping pong ball, flicking your fingers, tossing the feather light ball up and catching it without even looking, it was your silent tease, a taunt of challenged masculinity. One of the boys leaned forward, placing his stubby nailed hand on the beat up ping pong table, which at this point seemed to be held up together with duct tape and the spite of broke college students. There was a snarl wound tight on his lips. 

“If you’re so sure that you’re gonna win, why don't you back up your words then,” his voice was angry, and in your periphery your could see Tom about to come over and tell the guy off for talking to you like that but with a quick glance you told him that you got it, and he respected your wishes, maintaining his stance but a little more defensive now. “If I win, then fine, you beat us, but if we win, you have to do something that you really don’t want to do” You almost cackled, his inebriation limiting his ability to even come up with something to torment you with.  

“Kissing you it is then” you spoke, your voice a sugar coated venom. You tried to hold your persona but you knew that you had bothered Tom, his body tensing even more than it had after the boys taunts. You felt his hardened gaze training on you, his face twisted into the visual representation of and angry “What the fuck?” not thrilled with even the slightest possibility of your lips on someone else's. But you both knew that if you did lose the fame, a fist would sooner come in contact with that face than your lips on his. You knew that even though his eyes conveyed anger there was part of him that was proud, a small smirk tugging on his lips, appreciating the witty remark that belittled his frat brother. You turned all the way to him, giving him a warm smile, bringing your hand to your lips, placing a kiss on your palm before pursing your lips and blowing it Tom’s way, winking as his anger melted entirely and a soft smile replaced the smirk. Turning back to the boy you spoke up again, ignoring the angered look on the boy opposite yous face “I’ll play better if I am playing not to kiss you, let's get this over with” acting like you were exhausted by the notion of actually playing the game, you weren’t, in fact you were excited, thrilled by the idea of of crushing these boys machismo.  

You tossed the ball, watching as it floated through the air, barely denser than the atmosphere that surrounded it. The tension evaporated as you sank the first shot, a groan sounding from the boys mouths as you and your friend cheered. One of your opponents took the ball out of the cup, drinking down the tepid beer before setting up his shot. He over shot any of the cups by at least a foot, you caught it easily, placing it in your friend's hand so she could make her shot, and she did, easily landing it in the cup and leading the other boy to have to drink as well. The game continued this way, you and your friend absolutely obliterating the two boys.

You held your breath as you took the final shot, knowing that you would still have opportunities to try again but you really just wanted to get it over with so you could return to Tom’s arms. The shot sinking into the cup, an excited shout leaving your lips as you jump up and down, high fiving your friend. Tom smiled as he saw your true joy, thrilled that the simplest possibility of you kissing someone else was no longer on the table, the only thing left being most of the cups of beer on your side of the table. 

“Hey” the frat boy that you would have kissed if you lost spoke up, quickly moving to your side of the table and standing all too close. His breath was hot and sticky, heavy with the alcohol that was tainting every pore in his body. He reached out moving to touch your face but you stepped back. “I know we lost but I still want that kiss” he was pressing you up against the table. 

“Um, no thank you, that was the punishment” you spoke fiercely, trying to hide the fear that was growing in your chest. The boy went to open his mouth again but was cut off as a hand was placed on his chest, pushing him away from you. 

“Back off mate, leave with whatever fucking dignity you got left, and don’t you fucking dare try to touch my girl again, we clear?” Tom's voice was harsh, every word he spoke he pushed the boy farther and farther away from you, poking him in the chest with his final words to emphasize the point. 

“Um, yeah, yeah we clear” the boy exclaimed, tense under Tom’s piercing gaze. 

“Good, now fuck off” Tom growled, stepping back to let the boy scuttle off to where ever the fuck, you didn’t care and Tom only hoped that it was far away. Turning back to you, Tom cupped your cheek with his hand, letting you nuzzle into his palm. "Fucking cunt" he muttered under his breath. 

“You okay, baby?” his voice was much softer than it had been when he spoke to the frat boy, it made you feel cherished. 

“Yeah, baby, I am okay” you hummed “I just kicked ass at beer pong, I’m feeling pretty good” he leaned in, kissing your nose softly. 

“You did so good baby, it was hot watching you beat them, like I want you to sit on my face hot” his words were heavy, laden with libido and the promise of a good time. Your eyes widened at his brashness, sending a jolt straight to your core, a rushed nod seizing your neck, prompting him to grab your hand, guiding you through the muddle of people, up to his room, passing couples with tongue in each other's throats, messes of red solo cups and lust. The final flight of stairs was short, not intended for the attic to be a room, but here you were, your hand wound with Tom’s as you stood in the A slanted den. 

There was a pull on your hand, dragging you down onto the large mattress, the wooden frame creaking at the sudden weight of two tangled bodies on it. You landed on top of him, the soft unkempt blankets shifting beneath your knees as Tom’s hands gripped your ass, pulling you as close to him as possible, your clothed core dragging across his covered cock. 

“Tommy” you moaned into his mouth, his hands on your ass continuing to rock your hips against his, the friction not something you knew you needed. Right as you thought things were getting to it Tom pushed you back, a confused look cementing on your face as you watched him.

“Take your trousers and pants off, Love, was serious about wanting you on my face” he smirked at your lust stricken features, immediately removing your bottoms leaving you bare, the dim light from Toms’s bedside lamp catching on the slickness between your thighs, glistening and making Tom’s mouth water. “C’mere” he elbowed himself up, grabbing you by the ass and pulling you back onto him, this time your core ending hovering above his eager tongue.

“Tom, I need you” you whimpered, feeling his breath on your heat. He didn’t dignify you with a response, simply shoving his face between your folds, lips wrapping around your clit eliciting a moan from you. You found yourself beginning to grind against his mouth, feeling his cheeks move against your thighs, presumably into a smirk 

His hands wound around your waist, pulling you down on top of him, the added pressure of his hold pressing you farther onto his tongue, his nose nudging your clit as he lapped at your core, drinking you up like he hadn’t had a drink in years. His teeth grazed your folds, a shiver running up your spine, grinding farther down onto his face, fingers wound around his curls, tugging at it from the roots, a moan escaping his lips and vibrating through your core. He ground helplessly into the heated air, his hard cock begging for friction, the tip poking out of his waistband, leaking precum onto his lower stomach. He needed something. 

Tom twisted his hips, holding you tight against his face, he flipped you over, your back landing flat against the worn sheets, your head delving into the pillows. Tom now laid on his stomach, immediately grinding his hips against the bed, giving his dick the friction it had been yearning for, wanting to feel any kind of touch, desperate for release. His hip bones became exposed as the gyration of his hips pulled his jeans down a little more, exposing his shaft further. The harshness of the fabric against his contrasting to what he normally felt, it was nothing like the velvety muscled lined walls of your tight cunt, not comparing to the tight grip of your hand, and subpar compared to your mouth, but then again, everything that wasn’t you was a downgrade in his mind. 

“Fuck” he moaned into your heat, pressing his cock farther into the mattress, knowing that the feeling was building up more rapidly than he would like to admit. He knew he shouldn't. He knew that it would push him over the edge to look up at you but he couldn’t resist. His mouth not leaving your pussy he dragged his eyes up your body, toffee colored eyes widening as they fell upon your face twisted in pleasure, your hands gripping at your breasts and pinching your nipples. It broke something animalistic in him, bringing a hand from your ass and smacking yours away, aggressively groping the soft mounds of flesh and pinching your nipples. 

“Tommy, I’m go-gonna cum” you cried, your back arching helplessly off the bed, your thighs clamping shut around Tom’s heads, only resulting disappointment was that he couldn’t fully hear your moans, but he say your face as you fell apart under his tongue and it sent him with you. He moaned loudly into you, cock twitching against his shorts as he came onto his stomach and the bedsheets. 

Once you had both ridden out your highs he pulled away, looking up at you eagerly, meeting your gaze, your eyes carrying a similar longing to the one that was in his. 

“Fuck Tommy, you felt so good,” you panted, your praising words causing a smile to take his thin lips. “I want you in me Tommy” your voice sultry, having maintained more of your breath. 

“I want that too love but I um,” he scratched the back of his neck, tearing his gaze from yours and down to his cum smeared abdomen. 

“Oh, I see, you got off on eating me out, didn’t ya baby boy” you teased, grinning at your bashful boyfriend, pride awakening in your chest that you had caused him to cum without even touching his cock. You were amused with the embarrassment in his red cheeks. 

“Uh, yeah, I’m really sorry, love” 

“Hmm, that's okay I guess, I’ll just have a different kind of treat” you shrugged, knowing what you were about to do would have the repercussions you so desired, it would leave you full in more ways than one, cum dripping down your legs as you slept, you knew what you were doing. 

Your fingers dance on his flushed skin, gathering his cum on you fingers and bringing them to your lips, sticking out your tongue like he had done earlier, smearing it across your taste buds before leaning into his face, licking at that slickness that was dripping down his chin, the combined taste of your cums in your mouth making you hum. You licked over his lips, giving him a bit of a taste of the treat that resided between your lips before closing them, swallowing the rest. He licked his lips eagerly, eyes rolling back as your spunks mixed together, feeling the blood already starting to rush south once again, his refractory period dramatically shortened by your actions.

“On second thought, I think I can go for some more” he growled.

@spydeysense