#even though it's just. my fucked up appetite ig

[hearts-hunger]

what the hell is up with this thing where i don't get hunger cues any more and so i just....... don't eat until i'm suddenly very ill

[ramp-it-up]

Can You Stand The Rain

Paring: Winston Duke x Reader

Word count: 1.8 K

Summary: Winston wants to do over that infamous IG post.

Warnings: 18+ As always, MINORS DNI. RPF, SMUT,  This is a whole lotta fluff with a lil bit of ANGST. Not Beta’d. All mistakes my own. Pining, flirting, ski trips, video games, size kink, breath play, Daddy kink, Dom vibes, brat behavior, breaking up, angry make up sex, p in v (wrap that up!) intentional aggravation, very public declaration of love and devotion.

A/N: This is for #DJ’sAllIWant4KChristmas and based on this ask. and this IG post.

I no longer operate a taglist. Follow @rampitupandread to be notified when I post.

I Do NOT consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

It was Christmas Eve and Winston was begging.

“Please Baby, Please, Baby, Baby Please!”

“You are so fucking corny, Winnie…”

He looked up at you with those big brown eyes and wrapped you up in a bear hug. He pulled you onto his lap and rubbed your back.

“Please…”

You melted against your boyfriend. You couldn’t resist his warm hugs. You buried your face in his t-shirt and gave him your answer. You were still sleepy, having just woken up from a nap. You all had spent the day on a yacht and were upstairs chilling, waiting for dinner.

You were eating Christmas candy, thoroughly ruining your appetite. Winston wouldn’t let you go hang with the fam until you recorded a Reel.

“Normally I’d say no, but I’m on my 14th candy cane, so why not?” 

He pulled you back to look into your eyes.

“Really?”

“Yes?”

Winston was acting weird. He shoved you off his lap to get his phone set up in the stand, and you got your phone to see if you looked decent, and straightened your (his) hoodie and adjusted the hood over your curls.

This was about as glam as it was going to get, even though it was holiday time with the fam. In fact, it was the first holiday where you and Winston’s family were together, in a giant rental house in Tobago for Christmas.

“I’m so excited,” Winston practically squealed, interrupting your train of thought.

“Calm your tits babe.”

You eyed his grey sweats with the large bulge and licked your lips. You had plans for that later.

“Okay, okay. It’s just that I’ve always wanted to redo this reel. Want to show everyone I got myself a Bae.”

You hung over Winston's shoulders at first as he set up the reel, and you took a big whiff of him, all spice and sandalwood. His scent got you kind of wet. He took a couple of selfies of you two, faces together, big smiles, and big fat kisses.

You were never tired of his affection, even after almost two years. He was honestly the most affectionate, sweetest boyfriend you’d ever had. He looked at you and took a deep breath.

“You ready?”

His eyes were big and you could tell he was really excited.

You rolled your eyes and replied, “I said yes.”

You were still shaking your head at him. Even though you saw a flash of Daddy in his eyes. You had to be careful or you would be punished, which wasn’t a bad thing, but you didn’t have time for your real father to hear Winston making you scream ‘Daddy!’

But Winston just pecked your lips again and smiled at you.

“Keep that same energy.”

“What?”

Winston ignored you and started the audio, getting his ‘sexy face’ as he called it, on

“Let’s do this.”

The recording started. He replayed his famous reel that he’d recorded over two years previous.

Who was interested first?

Winston looked at you and pointed, and you narrowed your eyes.

“Now is that exactly true, my love?” You sighed.

You were well aware that he was recording and would post this conversation. Winston raised his eyebrow at you.

“Who came with the M’Baku thirst first, my sweet?”

You put your head in your hands. You were never going to live that down.

Two years ago January, you were added to a group chat: Ski Big Sky. It was a chat for all of your friend group, and friends of friends who had put down a deposit to ski at Big Sky in February of the next year. It was 50 plus young professionals, and it was going to be a good time, multicultural late twenty and thirty-somethings who were going to descend on Montana and ski.

When it was suggested that everyone drop a pic and Winston dropped his, you thought he was trolling.

You replied to his pic with THE M’Baku joke and got clowned.

When everyone was gathered together in the chalet, you tried to stay low profile; you didn’t want him to know it was you. Besides, he was type chill and fun to be around, from the time he helped you bring your overpacked luggage into the chalet, to the time he and some guys got together to lip sync to New Edition, to the time you two stayed in to pay videogames on the third sky day. You both agreed that skiing was fun, but you both preferred the warmth of the fireplace.

Somehow, that afternoon, you wound up on Winston’s lap while fighting over Mario Kart. You were frustrated at the clothes between you as you ground your pussy on his massive bulge and tried to get off. Winston’s large hands was around your neck, expertly controlling your breath as you chased release. You came, shuddering in his grip from just heavy petting. You were still weak as you took the party to his room when the crew started to return.

Winston literally rocked your world, inching his long, fat cock into your tight pussy that wept for him. He made you wait for your subsequent orgasms, teaching you early that he was in control, and that you liked it. He joked that you had locked him inside you with your pussy, and that he might have to blow your back out to escape.

Your mortification that he knew was trumped by the intensity of the orgasm he was giving you as his thick index finger circled your puckered entrance, sending you into nirvana and causing you to squirt. You thought you’d never seen a more beautiful, wider grin than the one on his face when that happened.

After that, there was no question that you belonged to him.

Who said I love you first?

Winston quickly pointed at you and he dodged a swat to his head.

“You’re a damn lie, and the truth ain't in you!”

By May, you and Winston had been back and forth four times to see each other and long distance was a bitch. You were insecure because of all of the Winston thirst online.

Winston was booked and busy and didn’t have time for your bullshit. After little to no communication for two weeks, you cut him off.

Unfollowed, blocked; you were done.

18 hours after you did that, He showed up on your doorstep, with lemon pepper wings.

“You looked like you lost some weight in that last IG post. You need to sit down, stop posting thirst traps and eat some food.”

You tried to pretend that you could block him from coming into your apartment.

“First of all, why are you stalking me on your Finsta?.....”

You were about to give him the business, until he bent down and threw you over his shoulder. He unceremoniously deposited you on your bed and started unbuckling his belt. You got wet and were staring at his zipper for the big reveal, having missed your friend in his pants.

“Turn the fuck around.”

You rolled your eyes, but you did as you were told, and you couldn’t help but moan as he shoved into you without any prep, causing you to stretch almost painfully around his girth. It hurt so good. Because you were wet when you saw him at your door, the strokes were deep and smooth and oh so satisfying.

Winston fucked you into submission, making you cum three times, then tenderly soothed your aching body in a hot bath. As you drifted off to sleep, full and satisfied, Winston whispered that he loved you. You woke up fully, heart racing, and turned around in his arms.

“I love you too, Winston. Now what are you going to do about it?”

From there on out, there was no doubt that you two were serious. And public.

Who is more protective?

This time, you gladly pointed to Winston, who just grinned.

He defended you from the online haters, always put himself in between you and the paps, and the night that he laid out a drunk asshole at Bar Pitti, your knees hit the floor as soon as you got back to the hotel. He was so damn sexy when when he took care of you. Definitely Daddy.

Who cleans more?

You glared at Winston’s lie when he pointed at himself. Since you’d lived together, you felt you did most of the cleaning. But then you remembered. There was one time that you threw out two garbage bags full of his underwear and socks rather than pick them up from the bedroom floor one more time. So, maybe he was right, because he never did that shit again.

Who eats more?

Your mouth hinged open when he pointed at you. You were done.

“Look at you; look at me. It’s physically impossible for me to eat more than you, the way you have to train.”

Winston’s eyes traced your body. He was appreciating you. When he licked his lips, you tried not to squirm because you were mad.

“And yet it happens all the time.”

You were getting heated. He reached in his pocket.

“You want to see my bank statements for all the times we order Doordash or I send it to you? I’ve broken down what you order and what I order.”

You crossed your legs and turned away from him.

“Don’t bring that damn phone in my face, Winston.”

You stared at the wall for a good while, trying to compose yourself.

“Y/N.”

You whipped your head back around.

“Why, Winston? So you can…?”

Your words, as well as your breath were caught in your throat. Winston was down on one knee, black box open with the most beautiful ring you’d ever seen inside.

“Wow.”

You looked up at Winston who now looked nervous. You straightened your spine and put your hands over your mouth. Winston cleared his throat.

“So, two things. This isn’t a reel. It’s a Live.”

You peered at his phone and saw it blowing up. Then you looked back into his eyes and started tearing up.

Winston cleared his throat again.

“On a perfect day, I know that I can count on you. When that's not possible

I know that you can weather the storm.

You’ve stood by me, through the good times and bad times. I want you to always be right here.”

You laughed while tears rolled down your face.

“So I have a question: Y/N YLN, will you marry me?”

You nodded, tears still streaming.

“Yes, Winston. I will marry you.”

Winston grabbed you up and you heard cheering from downstairs. Your whole family was screaming. You laughed as Winston slipped the ring on your finger, and dried your tears as he ended the Live.

“I can’t believe you really did all that. How did you know you would turn away so you could get the box out?”

Winston kissed your forehead at the top of the stairs.

“I know my baby. And I know what she likes. And doesn’t like. And I promise to do more of the former and less of the latter. Forever.”

You smiled up at him.

“And even if you do get on my nerves sometimes, I’m down with forever that way too.”

“Good thing. Because you’re in it now.”

Winston hauled you up and carried you down the stairs bridal style.

“Here comes the bride y’all!”

“Oh my god Winston!”

You complained and rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help but smile as you showed off the ring.

Deck the halls with lots of reblogs, fa lalala….

[haevnlii]

♡ these are just random thought-dumps, don't mind me

ignore typos i dont care anymore

Lately I've been experiencing abrupt and sharp pains in my chest and sometimes probably even my lungs unless it's still just my chest, just the whole thing this time --- more often than I used to. My breath's been stopping more and more as well. I also noticed I've been having no appetite much more? I usually did but it's happening much more often and it's not even 'cause of my sensitive stomach right now. Today food doesn't even sound very nice, even though I'm hungry and need to eat because I'll get a bad migraine if I don't.

Yesterday I fell "sick" out of nowhere with a bad tummy ache that eventually transitioned into nausuea with a migraine, and I couldn't even sleep because of it; I kept waking up and feeling it just,, come back. I gave up on trying to drink anything because I felt like opening the fridge or like trying something cold, or even like certain tastes ig? would make me feel worse-. The entire time, my breath's been stopping, maybe even every few minutes? Weird... I'll just take it as respawning stuff since I'm going w/ noticeable pain anyways, and if not, well shit; I hope it kills me anyways 💀 I don't feel any better today, it keeps coming and going, and it's really annoying.

Ah, anyways, I decided it'd be better I be bedridden to respawn. 🧍‍♀️💪🏻 With that, I also have a subliminal for that I'm creating specifically for death respawners. I'll give more information later, I guess. I already have the info-doc prepared, it's just to work on the affirmations when I have the energy.

Oh, and, quick random experience I guess? The other day I was just lying down when I suddenly felt my body zoom through the air with intense visualisations behind my eyelids. I thought if I stayed still and focused on the sensations, then maybe I'd end up in sleep paralysis which I could use to reincarnate — but instead I ended up going through, two? dreams/dream scenarios. I was aware of the fact my body was falling asleep, I was aware of everything else, I just never realised I wasn't awake anymore and that small experience already transitioned into a dream. If I just thought a little deeper into things, I'd be sure to end up lucid though, AAAAA- fuck.

[just-some-random-blogger]

hellow sweetheart!! good morning, day, evening and every moment of a day!

'me and you' who is the lizard?..

'i was eating donuts but now im hungry again' my hungry baby TT bon appetit 'im going to get water' MORE WATER!

'Like I think she says Забери меня then' probably? also ig youre listening on spotify and it has the lyrics? does it have translations?.

'like the songs I used to listen to way deep in my emo phase' it is TT i remember listening to in during the noone understands me and im so sad thus so special. lots of teens here do the same so.. it is.

'I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH ITS ON MY SPOTIFY' oooh im glad it made you feel this way. check her (its actually a band but idk if that man even opens his mouth) other songs? lots of them have this vibe.

'I KNOW THAT but also I don’t' hahsja cute. давай actually means give (not the first form though) but also. it means lets [..] (e.g. lets go, lets do) or (it doesnt make actual sense in english so the most accurate translation is) go ahead. didnt you see the translation?.. 'there was a bad word somewhere there and I was right!' HAHDJSHHD i mean.. its cute how determined you were but there no bad words. i never read the whole translation that i sent you. thus i was SO confused bc there no bad words in the song. 'fuck up' is the harsh version? the word used in the song облажаешься is civil and can be translated as screw up, mess up. i did replay this song multiple times and reread the lyrics and was so very confused TT 'But I cant determine which word it is. But I heard it be said' it was an imagination trick. 'i think it would be… blyat?' would u be surprised if i said it is not hghahf. also id say it is more blyat' but nvm. also?? why hed use it?? i mean?? dont you have curse words?...

'like something was being chewed slowly' is it an insult?... tbh i dont like демоны... ig the chorus is the most questionable part for me? i dont like how they sound so... like the modern version of the nerves (suicide of my faith). so emo and pop and all. but i do have a fav song of theirs, Три дня дождя - Перезаряжай. u can also find it in spoty ig

'Are you sure Улицы ждали is the one with the annoying tempo and not Жанна д’Арк' im pretty used to the singers way of singing (DOES IT MAKE SENSE), she uses this trick a lot. my fav of hers is Луна - самолёты. the translation. and while you can say whats wrong with this, can you say whats wrong with the first one? i cant and thats why i have mixed feelings. (idk if you really understand when i use rus titles TT like yeah you can see but foreign letters r difficult to idk? remember? match?)

'is H an N in russian omg my head' HAJDHJ yes. everyone is confused at school. 'she has such a sweet and bright voice' she does! shes lovely. but tbh i dont really like this song?.. maybe ive just heard it for too many times but yeah. in the next playlist im gonna show u the other one of hers witch i like more. wait for it TT

'also is России russia?' Россия is the first form. (Rossiya). why?

'i like her lyrics. i love her' ohh cute. yeah shes lovely. i remember her also becoming popular with this very song in like 2018

'ITS LOWER BUT IT KINDA SOUNDS LIKE IT' NO TT i think this hymn has a similar male voice in the background. and also Зло just has some religious vibes?

'im sorry i just cant' dont be sorry they fucked up.

'Я is it ya' it is. 'kind of have a soft d-ish sound' idk if i really got you but no?.. its just ya. only vowel sounds. (like there IS a consonant sound but its not d, nvm it doesnt matter)

'were fucking stupid. he 99999999999% cheated' when i said im not the one to judge i meant it. like my president is... he was the president before i was born... and he still is... he literally made up new law to stay in this position in 2020... and in belarus it was even more of a meme. they also had their president nearly since USSR. and in 2020 or 21 after lots of demonstrations and obvious societys hatred towards him, after the obviously falsified election, he said that he could make up (draw) even a bigger number of those who voted for him (CLOWN EMOJI). so i understand. its not really that simple people can do something (legal) when it comes to these kind of things. these fcking arrogant men with obsession with power... we hate them

'you should try pilates' ill think abt it, thanks for your care1

'WE HAVE CHISMOSA CULTURE' its probably not the same but 1) ig there are people who discuss the others everywhere 2) ig we have something like that? we have a big weighty number of jokes about old women hangin out w/their old besties talking shit about everyone they see. its not your problem, its just them. 'filipinos love to talk about people as a bonding experience' hehe sounds pretty. like really. it sounds awful, but i like discussing others w/my friends... im not straight up insulting person in person but why not... and it is not their problem, it is MINE. so nothing wrong with them and you and anyone whos being discussed. 'there are no serial killers here cause of this' LADHJFJF i want to believe it! but then why your president...

'#1 basically call me short #2 reduce our similiarities to height' its merely a joke TT i even said sorry. 'got connected to a moderator that was im pretty sure a 13 year old boy' HAHDHDJD deserved. at least now i dont have to wait more than needed bc of your 13 yo prick TT SHDJFH its so funny? why they let him be? 'i’ll stick to fanfics' this prick never leaves me be TT

'talk to you about daemon im like TODAY' i dont mind :) can we talk about daemon? tbh i want to talk abt the darkling💀 am i crazy? but can u blame me?

'where he was named heir way before rhaenyra was born' OMG sounds SO exciting!!!! i feel like you maybe wanted me to comment on it or send some thoughts but 1) i wanna sleep rn and dont want to make extra moves 2) ive said abt my dream with dae being heir and his spouse being the smart and calm one. or not? idk if u even wanted this but now u know?

'i ATE DONUTS TODAY' YAY!

'they live in my bedroom ceiling and they party and go jogging' go jogging HDHJAHF but really... sounds dreadful. id have hysteria in your place... ok i think rats r not as bad as insects. but have them literally above you💀💀 im so sorry girl.. also i just like... hope that grandpa is great) but rat💀💀 hope for your renovation and hope youll be good and comfy and all. its good to know abt your house, though!

'you actually also dont know what your height' but i do... i just dont know how to use this fcking system TT im 178 cm thats all i know. why do u (they?) even use it TT its stupid TT

i wanted to share some of my fav songs but i want to sleep (and thats the person who needed to do lots of things today but didnt... disappointed but not surprised). do u know the hatters? its a russian band whos also close friends with little big. theyre so talented TT i love the hatters so much TT i think you may find their music interesting? they use ethnic instruments so it sounds.. like it. 'russian style' was really popular back then (watch the mv!). its pretty but my favs are Только позови, Наружу изнутри, Не услышала, maybe youll find them in spoty or yt but dont worry if you dont want to. it ok. me too TT

so! have a nice day/evening/night! take care2 drink water! love u<з

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

OMG MY CAT WHEN HE GOT A MOUSE T_T HE JUST SCARED IT TO DEATH AND PLAYED WITH IT fr we had to eventually .... kill the mouse ourselves because T_T bro was made into a toy by jinjin

hellow sweetheart!! good morning, day, evening and every moment of a day!

HELLOOOOOOOOO ITS 10 AM and i helped my grandma chop vegetables. have i ever told you about my problem with the onions? T_T I cry so much when i cut them T_T her fridge doesn't get rid of the onion crying effect even after its been in there for a while, but our fridge WHICH IS SO BIG AND SHINY AND NEW gets rid of all the onion crying effects. i think it was 2 days ago. she made me chop so many TINY FRICKIN ONIONS and i was crying so bad my eyes hurt so bad but then i looked in the mirror and i was like DAMN I STILL LOOK HOT but also my entire face was covered in tears and PAIN. i was like i look like i had a bad break up.

have i told you about taho?

i have this almost every morning T_T its so good and yummy and warm. its.... tofu?????????????????????? HAHAHH its like the white is made really soft soy, then it has tapioca pearls or sago, then the dark brown is called arnibal, which is like a sugary syrup. i think you will love it. i high school there was a taho vendor by our campus and everyday i would buy a cup for myself. now there is a taho vendor that comes to our house/street and sells taho <3 and i love taho <3 also he always says im 'the pretty grandchild' HAHHAHHHHA lol

'me and you' who is the lizard?..

you can be the lizard because youre cold HAHAHAHAH

'i was eating donuts but now im hungry again' my hungry baby TT bon appetit 'im going to get water' MORE WATER!

yes i got more water! but also i would like more donuts now (: but its ok its my sister's birthday today so we're going to buy CAKE!!!! WOW

'Like I think she says Забери меня then' probably? also ig youre listening on spotify and it has the lyrics? does it have translations?.

T_T MY LOVE I AM SO SORRY I JUST ALSHFLASHFASFH I FORGOT TO EXPLAIN WHAT I MEANT WITH THIS ASLHASFDHASDAS I FEEL SO BAD LASHFASLFHSHFSAF I DIDNT MEANT TO JUST SAY

~Like I think she says Забери меня then it goes up half notes to the tonic then she sings the next part~

but i forgot T_T BASICALLY you know the do re mi fa so la ti do? that is called a scale and the syllables you say in that scale are called so-fa syllables. now. the tonic is the home key or the first note in a scale. in our example that is 'do'. if i started with re, (re mi fa so la ti do re) then the tonic would be re.

here it is on a piano. the letters below it is its key degree equivalent, basically do=c, re=d, etc. now so that i have a visual, do going to re is considered a whole step because of the black key between them. re to mi is also a whole step because of the black key between them. but mi and fa is a half step because they dont have a black key between them.

so when i said in Забери меня the melody travels halfstep up to the tonic, she was on la then to the black key then to ti. i actually played it on piano and she actually started on the tonic then went up HAHAAH cos the tonic in her song is actually La LOLL so if that confused you im sorry and if this is still confusing let me just give you a kiss.

'like the songs I used to listen to way deep in my emo phase' it is TT i remember listening to in during the noone understands me and im so sad thus so special. lots of teens here do the same so.. it is.

ASH:LFHASHSA HAHAHHAHH SAME WE ARE SO SAME

'I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH ITS ON MY SPOTIFY' oooh im glad it made you feel this way. check her (its actually a band but idk if that man even opens his mouth) other songs? lots of them have this vibe.

I WILL! but not rn HHHAAH

'I KNOW THAT but also I don’t' hahsja cute. давай actually means give (not the first form though) but also. it means lets [..] (e.g. lets go, lets do) or (it doesnt make actual sense in english so the most accurate translation is) go ahead. didnt you see the translation?..

i saw the translation but i was trying to figure it out with the context of other times i heard someone day давай and so i googled what it meant and i was very confused

'there was a bad word somewhere there and I was right!' HAHDJSHHD i mean.. its cute how determined you were but there no bad words. i never read the whole translation that i sent you. thus i was SO confused bc there no bad words in the song. 'fuck up' is the harsh version? the word used in the song облажаешься is civil and can be translated as screw up, mess up. i did replay this song multiple times and reread the lyrics and was so very confused TT 'But I cant determine which word it is. But I heard it be said' it was an imagination trick.

LOL HAHHAHH i see so if its not a bad word, can i say that to elderly people and they wont slap me? cos if i cant i think that counts as a bad word

'i think it would be… blyat?' would u be surprised if i said it is not hghahf. also id say it is more blyat' but nvm. also?? why hed use it?? i mean?? dont you have curse words?...

my older brother is stupid. also he likes russian culture cos ig its memey? idk he like playing online games and likes history and he's just drawn to stuff like that ????? IDK

'like something was being chewed slowly' is it an insult?...

iTS NOT AN INSULT ITS JUST AN OBSERVATION. its what is sounds like to me, at least this song did as its slowed. im sorry if you were offended by that.

tbh i dont like демоны... ig the chorus is the most questionable part for me? i dont like how they sound so... like the modern version of the nerves (suicide of my faith). so emo and pop and all. but i do have a fav song of theirs, Три дня дождя - Перезаряжай. u can also find it in spoty ig

oooh i like this song! very pop punk as well

'Are you sure Улицы ждали is the one with the annoying tempo and not Жанна д’Арк' im pretty used to the singers way of singing (DOES IT MAKE SENSE), she uses this trick a lot. my fav of hers is Луна - самолёты. the translation. and while you can say whats wrong with this, can you say whats wrong with the first one? i cant and thats why i have mixed feelings. (idk if you really understand when i use rus titles TT like yeah you can see but foreign letters r difficult to idk? remember? match?)

idk what's wrong with the first one T_T maybe just a manner of preference T_T AHAHAHH i will listen to this song later i have to get ready for school lol T_T AHHA

'is H an N in russian omg my head' HAJDHJ yes. everyone is confused at school.

HAHHAHHHHAA LOL

'she has such a sweet and bright voice' she does! shes lovely. but tbh i dont really like this song?.. maybe ive just heard it for too many times but yeah. in the next playlist im gonna show u the other one of hers witch i like more. wait for it TT

ok HAHAH its a nice song. but its nothing compared to that evil one HAHAHAHA

'also is России russia?' Россия is the first form. (Rossiya). why?

idk it was in the lyrics so HAHAH

'i like her lyrics. i love her' ohh cute. yeah shes lovely. i remember her also becoming popular with this very song in like 2018

<3 good for her SLAY

'ITS LOWER BUT IT KINDA SOUNDS LIKE IT' NO TT i think this hymn has a similar male voice in the background. and also Зло just has some religious vibes?

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHHAHA RELIGIOUS VIBES ok whatever im cray

'im sorry i just cant' dont be sorry they fucked up.

ALSFHALSHFASFH AFHT_T OK HAHAHA

'Я is it ya' it is. 'kind of have a soft d-ish sound' idk if i really got you but no?.. its just ya. only vowel sounds. (like there IS a consonant sound but its not d, nvm it doesnt matter)

HAHHAHA OK OK

'were fucking stupid. he 99999999999% cheated' when i said im not the one to judge i meant it. like my president is... he was the president before i was born... and he still is... he literally made up new law to stay in this position in 2020... and in belarus it was even more of a meme. they also had their president nearly since USSR. and in 2020 or 21 after lots of demonstrations and obvious societys hatred towards him, after the obviously falsified election, he said that he could make up (draw) even a bigger number of those who voted for him (CLOWN EMOJI). so i understand. its not really that simple people can do something (legal) when it comes to these kind of things. these fcking arrogant men with obsession with power... we hate them

T_T huhuhuhhuhh my love we should run away together. T_T

'you should try pilates' ill think abt it, thanks for your care1

HAHHAHAHHA <3 LETS GO

'WE HAVE CHISMOSA CULTURE' its probably not the same but 1) ig there are people who discuss the others everywhere 2) ig we have something like that? we have a big weighty number of jokes about old women hangin out w/their old besties talking shit about everyone they see. its not your problem, its just them. 'filipinos love to talk about people as a bonding experience' hehe sounds pretty. like really. it sounds awful, but i like discussing others w/my friends... im not straight up insulting person in person but why not... and it is not their problem, it is MINE. so nothing wrong with them and you and anyone whos being discussed. 'there are no serial killers here cause of this' LADHJFJF i want to believe it! but then why your president...

ASHFLASFHASFHSFHSALFHFLHASLFHASFHASFAHSF YOURE SO RIGHT WHY IS MY PRESIDENT PRESIDENT WITH CHISMOSO CULTURE FUCK also AHAHHA its so funny that you find talking about people as a bonding experience pretty HAHAAH

'#1 basically call me short #2 reduce our similiarities to height' its merely a joke TT i even said sorry.

T_T ok i love you

'got connected to a moderator that was im pretty sure a 13 year old boy' HAHDHDJD deserved. at least now i dont have to wait more than needed bc of your 13 yo prick TT SHDJFH its so funny? why they let him be? 'i’ll stick to fanfics' this prick never leaves me be TT

WHAT I WANT TO WRITE KYLO REN FICS also ive been traumatized by that kid person thing T_T im glad my SUFFERING is funny for you

'talk to you about daemon im like TODAY' i dont mind :) can we talk about daemon? tbh i want to talk abt the darkling💀 am i crazy? but can u blame me?

omg we can talk about the darkling. we can also talk about daemon obviously <3

'where he was named heir way before rhaenyra was born' OMG sounds SO exciting!!!! i feel like you maybe wanted me to comment on it or send some thoughts but 1) i wanna sleep rn and dont want to make extra moves 2) ive said abt my dream with dae being heir and his spouse being the smart and calm one. or not? idk if u even wanted this but now u know?

i dont want you to comment on it per se but i love hearing your comments, i just wanted you to know i had this in mind HAHAH. im down to hear whatever you want to tell me my love

'i ATE DONUTS TODAY' YAY!

<3

'they live in my bedroom ceiling and they party and go jogging' go jogging HDHJAHF but really... sounds dreadful. id have hysteria in your place... ok i think rats r not as bad as insects. but have them literally above you💀💀 im so sorry girl.. also i just like... hope that grandpa is great) but rat💀💀 hope for your renovation and hope youll be good and comfy and all. its good to know abt your house, though!

HAHAHHAH i have some horror stories about my house. how do you feel about hearing scary stuff that happened to my mom and grandma before AHAHAAH. also idk HAHAH ive gotten used to the rats AHAHHAAHAHA

'you actually also dont know what your height' but i do... i just dont know how to use this fcking system TT im 178 cm thats all i know. why do u (they?) even use it TT its stupid TT

idk all i know is a lot of people around me dont know about their height. also ... maybe i dont either [confusion intensifies]

i wanted to share some of my fav songs but i want to sleep (and thats the person who needed to do lots of things today but didnt... disappointed but not surprised). do u know the hatters? its a russian band whos also close friends with little big. theyre so talented TT i love the hatters so much TT i think you may find their music interesting? they use ethnic instruments so it sounds.. like it. 'russian style' was really popular back then (watch the mv!). its pretty but my favs are Только позови, Наружу изнутри, Не услышала, maybe youll find them in spoty or yt but dont worry if you dont want to. it ok. me too TT

i'll listen to these when i get home from school. <3 they sound really interesting. i love it when people use ethnic instruments <3 so underrated. i dont know them but i will listen to them for you <3

so! have a nice day/evening/night! take care2 drink water! love u<з

i love you <3 my head hurts now because of the heat again so im going to shower and go to school. T_T

make good choices and take care of yourself

xxx

[patronsaint-ofthedenial]

wait fuck

[bokutosmochi]

AFTER THE AFTERPARTY ♡ KUROO TETSURO, BOKUTO KOTARO, USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI, MIYA ATSUMU, IWAIZUMI HAJIME

kuroo tetsuro, bokuto kotaro, ushijima wakatoshi, miya atsumu, iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader

ingredients? following team japan's victory over team argentina during the tokyo olympics, kuroo, a world-renowned volleyball lover, your boyfie and worker for the japanese volleyball association decides to give his team a little prize.

what's it? smut

allergen warning/s? established relationships between kuroo and reader, infidelity but like.. consensual infidelity??, alcohol so ig also dubcon (it's established that there's already ✨ something ✨ between the six of them. they're tipsy before they fuck and sober up while they do), mentions of kagehina, voyeurism, semi-public sex, masc + fem receiving!oral sex, fingering, impact play [clit smacking, cock slapping, and regular ol' slapping], degradation [name-calling, spitting], facefucking, facials, cum eating, anal, double penetration, choking, unprotected sex, masturbation, multiple positions, and multiple orgasms... yeah. lemme know if i missed something :DD

sugar level? 5.3k

regulars? @hanayanetwork​

parlor's note? some will say that this is complete shit and some will say i've gone overboard, but look, i put my whole smutussy into this okay?? i’m sorry if this has any typos. this is 5,300 words and i am drowsy.

anyway, this was written for @semisgroupie​‘s sluts collab! make sure you read and support the other writers, you can view the masterlist over here! gonna be real with y'all.. everyone in this one shot is a whore so enjoy :DD

bon appetit!

you felt the apples of your cheeks heat up when kuroo slings a lazy arm around your shoulder and nuzzles the side of his face against yours, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. "we couldn't have done this without you, kitten. thank you."

"yeah! you're just as much a part of this team as everyone else!" bokuto exclaims. he stumbles uncharacteristically as he walks towards you and your boyfriend, coming to throw an arm around you as well. there's a slight flush on his face, similar to the ones in everyone's. there's a faint scent of alcohol in his breath, but you know that he was just a bit tipsy -- all of them were. the ones that were already drunk - namely hinata who was dragged out of the dancefloor by kageyama before the orange-haired outside hitter challenged some poor college kid who was peer pressured into partying at the wee hours of the night to a dance-off - has been sent home by iwaizumi, probably the most mature of the men present.

from there, you were led by everyone's hand to the dancefloor. from kuroo, to iwaizumi, to atsumu who immediately jumped at the chance, maybe a bit too enthusiastically, to bokuto and even ushijima, surprisingly. tetsuro did not find a single problem with this, of course. he trusted you and he knew the team loved you. how could they not when you always surprised them during practice with a picnic basket full of onigiris from the onigiri miya that's only a few blocks away. plus, kuroo also had a plan up he's sleeve. the both of you have about it before in thorough detail, and though he hasn't sat down with the guys and brought it up before, he definitely noticed the way they looked at you -- specifically when you showed up to the arena one time in his favorite pink and white checkered sundress to bring him his lunch that he forgot at home. at first, the way bokuto's eyes lingered on your exposed collarbones or the way atsumu was not able to take his eyes off of you bothered him, but now, he just shows you off to them which is exactly the reason why he's whispering the things he are in your ears right now.

"you wanna be a filthy slut who takes five cocks all at once? go ahead and dance for them then." his eyes trail from you to what's left of japan's volleyball team huddled around each other, dancing. his hands led down, from being a calming anchor because holy shit this is actually about to happen on your shoulder, to your ass which he gave a reassuring squeeze. "know you want to, kitten." and the moment he pressed a kiss to your neck, you were walking to where he wanted you to go.

and just in time, the song at the bar changed from some bubble pop song you've never heard before to need to know.

slightly intoxicated and unaware of his actions, atsumu looped both of his arms around your waist and pulled you to him as a greeting. you surprised him and the rest of the circle when you pressed yourself flat against him, your back to his chest and your ass to his groin and started to grind on him. he was quick to regain his composure though and planted his big hands firmly on the curves of your hips, absolutely oblivious to your boyfriend staring at the both of you, palming the quickly forming bulge in his pants.

you bent forward to grind on him even more, not paying any mind to your dark red slip dress that's riding up. your hands move forward to hopefully find a table which can help balance yourself, but it lands on bokuto's abs instead. the large smile on his face reminds you that you're dangerously close to his cock, that if you leaned down just the tiniest bit more, he'd have it shoved against your face.

iwaizumi, ever the voice of reason was the one to clear his throat. "kuroo looks like he's enjoying this, isn't he?" unlike everyone else's his eyes were not on you, nor were they where your and atsumu's body met, the curve of his hardened dick cradled by your asscheeks. instead, they were on kuroo manspreading on the booth all of you were previously sat on. girls around him were rubbing their thighs together at the mere sight of him, yet even liquid courage could not help them muster up the guts to walk towards him because of how occupied he seemed. it was like they all already knew they would be blatantly ignored, that he'd rather watch his girlfriend provocatively dance with someone who isn't him. after all, it was his idea too. "that's because he is."

there's a strong grip that comes from behind you, pulling you back to a strong chest. "and you are too, right?" you giggled out an of course i am accompanied by a specifically delicious roll of your hips making atsumu groan. "if you and kuroo are both enjoying this, i suggest we leave this bar and go somewhere more private." ushijima plainly states, yet his eyes were firmly planted on the way you moved on the blonde setter, a part of him wishing it was him instead.

you took atsumu by the hand and led him to where your boyfriend waited patiently until you were done grinding on his in-a-way teammates and the moment you got there, he was already feeling you up, runnings his hands all around your body and grabbing a handful of your ass while his eyes drifted to where the volleyball players stood behind you. "i take it you guys want to be part of our post-afterparty celebration?" he teased them with an eyebrow quirk only for them to not give him an answer. after all, it was already written in how they were shifting their weight from side-to-side and adjusting their trousers so the print of their slowly hardening dicks wouldn't be seen by the bar patrons who weren't too busy shoving their tongues down their partners throats to look around the establishment -- in their defense, a group of well-built athletes isn't really hard to miss.

kuroo merely chuckled. "well, it's a good thing kitten's a little whore who's been dreaming about this for ages." he said unashamedly palming your tits and pressing them together while he was at it. "shall we, gentlemen?"

thankfully, you were not outside for very long, as kuroo was quick to hail a cab. you did not have to wait there for minutes upon minutes and ignore the way you were shivering in the cold late-evening air or the way the bundle of nerves between your legs was pulsing, desperate for attention. you have been looking for an opportunity like this for so long and now that it's within your grasp, you're not gonna let anything ruin it.

atsumu was pushed to the front seat by iwaizumi who was mumbling about something along the lines of him already having his turn which meant the other four men were forced to squish each other in the back. at first glance, it may seem like atsumu's got the better side of the deal, but that's before learning there's a divider between the driver's and passengers seat and the backseat meaning everyone else, except him, could do anything they wanted to you without the worries of being caught. they all counted their blessings when they realized the driver had no idea who they were.

so atsumu was left fidgeting in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest and a small pout on his lips as in the back, you were laid down on the four men's laps while they worshiped your body like their lives depended on it. your head was on kuroo's who was leaned over to make out with you, savoring the lingering taste of alcohol on your mouth as his tongue sloppily clash with yours. every so often, he'd spit on the corner of your lips, purposely missing your mouth which was wide open only to rub his saliva all over your lips. the way you'd swallow it and stick your tongue out during the times he didn't miss made his best dress pants tighten all the same.

iwaizumi, seated beside kuroo was busy toying with your tits to notice anything, pulling the already-low neckline of your dress down to make your breasts spill out of them. he enjoyed massaging it with his large hands and occasionally pinching and rolling a nipple between his calloused fingers before lowering his head to suck or lick on it. by now, there were already a few love bites littering your tits and collarbone area, but you knew that as night grew to midnight and midnight to morning, the number would only increase.

lastly, bokuto and ushijima were busying themselves with your pussy: taking turns whenever licking the slick that leaked out of your hole or slipping their thick fingers inside of you. the first time the fukurodani graduate's enthusiastic pussy eating accompanied by the shiratorizawa graduate's digits roughly fucking you made you see stars and hurled you off of the edge, you made a sound akin to a whimper, only a lot louder. ushijima smacked your clit for that and told you to be quiet and so the second time, the four men thanked whatever gods were watching them when kuroo's mouth on yours at the right time swallowed the scream you wanted to let out as you creamed all over the men's lap, making a mess and at that point, they knew that atsumu was fully aware of what the five of you were doing in the backseat of a taxi and you wouldn't be surprised if the driver knew as well.

the scent of sex permeated the air you breathed and lingered in the closed area of the car. it was unmistakable and you just hoped that it wouldn't cling onto the interior, for the sake of the next passengers.

atsumu could do nothing but grumble to himself, waving it off when the driver inquires him about it and shrug off his blazer, laying it on his lap to hopefully cover up his hard on.

needless to say, the men gave the man a very large tip before he drove off to the depths of the night, continuing his adventures, the same way you were about to too.

to you, it was an incredibly short trip from the bar to your shared home with kuroo, yet for the setter, it was quite the opposite and you would be lying if you said you didn't feel bad for him because though you do find some humor in it, you're also sure that it's no fun so you coo at him -- something he takes as mocking and when he grabs you by the hair and pushes you down to your knees the minute your boyfriend pushes the front door open, you can't bring yourself to regret it. perhaps this was even the reason you did it in the first place.

excitement manifested in your bones as you unbuckled his black leather belt and pushed down the pants of the three-piece suit. the linen it is made out of feels expensive and you don't know whether you want to be good and take care of it, or bad and stain it with your cream. at this point, you don't think anyone in the group would care. you don't even think they'd notice, either too pussydrunk, or too rich to give a fuck.

your fingers were shaky and atsumu was quick to bat them away with his much larger hand, "yer whore's so excited to have my cock in her mouth. has it been a while?" he asked with a smirk on his face, pulling his member out of the confines of his boxers and slapping you across the face with it making you moan and get more wet. "nah man," kuroo stretches, a lazy smirk on his face as he leans against the wall. "just had her throat stuffed yesterday. she's just a fucking slut. look at her grinding on her legs just from looking at you." you find yourself being more aware of what you were doing because you didn't even realize you were already at that point, unconsciously rubbing yourself on your calves, hoping for any pleasurable pressure. "and right in front of your boyfriend too." you heard iwaizumi tsk.

"can be fucking like rabbits every single fucking day, and the bitch still won't be satisfied."

"well," atsumu smirked, "t'least we're here now." and with that, he slipped the head of his cock inside your mouth smoothly, throwing his head back as he let out a deep groan. "fuuuck,"

he petted your hair when you took more and more of him in your mouth without him having to drag you by the hair, "atta girl."

"move to the couch."

you felt your cunt clench around nothing at the voice, you recognized it as the one belonging to ushijima, but you could not think about it for long. before you knew it, atsumu was walking backwards with you walking forwards, cock still buried in your wet mouth. he sat down at the same time you noticed hands on your waist, and suddenly, you were off the ground, being set down on the couch on your hands and knees. "don't you worry about ushijima behind you, sweetie. just focus on sucking my cock, yeah?" he pushed you down onto him making you gag and tear up.

from behind you, you could faintly hear the squelching and the pumping, presumably wakatoshi fisting his dick in his hand, moist with the mixture of precum and spit, preparing himself to enter you, yet nothing could really prepare you from the sting of the stretch when he pulled your panties to the side and pushed the head of his cock in. he was a lot thicker than kuroo, you could tell, but only a bit longer. you gasped around atsumu, eyes squeezing shut at the unfamiliar feeling, the former being something atsumu has taken advantage of, pushing you down deeper on him. now, you're able to feel his pubic bone on your nose, the tickle of the hair by your chin as well as his fat balls.

ushijima laid a heavy hand on your lower back, making you arch for him as he entered you inch-by-inch slowly, giving you time to adjust and savor the feeling of every vein pulsing inside of you. in some aspect, it was no use because he wasn't even halfway in and you were already sobbing, unable to suck atsumu's cock properly anymore. instead you were cockwarming him with your mouth before you pulled away. "t-too much! won't fit!"

atsumu growled and just pushed you on him again. "stop being a brat. so many people would kill to be in your position right now, you know that, don't you?" he says, scolding you lightly. ushijima nods at his words though you cannot see it he continues to bully his dick in your walls, sighing in relief when he's finally all the way in. "see that wasn't so bad, wasn't it?" atsumu's voice is toying when he ruffles up your hair with a grin

ushijima, bless his heart, takes it easy on you, taking his time when fucking your cunt, the complete opposite of atsumu who had an iron grip on your hair and was using that to fuck your mouth.

steady groans filled the room along with the sound of squelching. when you opened your eyes, you were greeted by the sight of kuroo beside your face, throbbing dick in hand and eyes zoned in on you. the smirk on his lips widened the moment your eyes met. "hey there, kitten. 'bout time you opened your eyes." he made a show of tightening his hand around himself and running a thumb over the sensitive head before closing his eyes and throwing his head back, a loud moan of your name falling past him as he releases all over your face, covering your cheek and dripping down your chin, down to atsumu who was clearly enjoying the scene that just unfolded in front of him. the look of you covered in cum, albeit not his, had him release down your throat with no warning. your eyes widened at the sensation and gagged around him, but he did not cease his hold on you just yet. atsumu's face was heavily flushed as he came, hair messy and all over the place from how many times he ran his hands through it, and his chest and abs flexed. all of that and the way a needy groan escaped him had you tightening your pussy around ushijima's cock, something that proved to be too much for the player as he was quick to reach his orgasm as well. he pressed his pelvis against yours, burying him as far as he could go, digging his fingers down on the flesh of your hips and leaving crescent-shaped marks from his fingernails. he pumped himself in you a few more times before pulling out his soft cock and resting against the sofa, wiping off the sweat from his forehead with his arm.

"let's take his upstairs now." kuroo hummed, scooping you up in his arms bridal-style with a cocky smile. you audibly gasped and lightly slapped his chest, "we're not done yet?"

bokuto was quick to spring up beside you sporting a large, bright smile as if he didn't just came in his pants a few seconds ago -- the stain on his dress pants, made from the finest fabric as requested by his personal assistant was proof enough. "of course, baby! we haven't had our fun with you yet! it'd be unfair!"

your rubbed your thighs together at the thought and yelped when you were suddenly thrown onto the bed. "look at you," you heard someone click their tongue. "you have semen all over your face, two different men just came in your mouth and your pussy, but here you are rubbing your thighs together." kuroo was roughly tugging his tie off and shrugging off his blazer as he walked over to you with hungry eyes. "at first, i called you a slut because i knew you were into it, but now i'm starting to think you're actually an insatiable whore." he said crawling between your spread legs.

he pressed a kiss on the soaked crotch of your panties before pulling them off of you and throwing them somewhere in the room, delving down on you faster than it could hit the ground or somebody's hand. he sucked on your enlarged clit, alternating between that and rubbing it expertly with his fingers. after all, he already knew everything you were into.

the mattress beside both sides of your head dipped, but you did not notice, too busy feeling the feeling of kuroo eating you out like you were his first meal in decades. you only became aware of bokuto on top of you when your boyfriend dipped his sharp tongue inside you and you clutched the bedsheets your hands were able to grasp and let out a gasp. bokuto who had already taken off all articles of clothing on his body took that as his opportunity and slid into your warm, velvet mouth, holding onto the headrest for support as he moved up and down, looking down at your face, contorted in pleasure and lips wrapped around his length, no space left around it. it awakened something inside of him and he started to thrust his cock in and out of your mouth rapidly, eyes clenched as he chased his high, using you as if you were nothing but a toy for him to do whatever he pleases.

kuroo thought he looked desperate (although not desperate as you) so he decided to help out by adjusting himself and the things he was doing. he grabbed a random pillow from the bed and placed it under your lower back while his left hand settled onto your pelvis, applying a light pressure on it. his mouth left your hole, and opted to pay its attention to your aching clitoris, rubbing circles onto it and flicking it with his tongue. your pussy pulsated when kuroo inserted three fingers inside you all of a sudden, and started to move his fingers in a c'mere motion, massaging your soft plush walls. the rough callouses on his fingers added an extra pleasurable sensation which prompted you to reach your orgasm far too early than you expected. your eyes rolled to the back of your head, showing off the whites of them and your toes curled against the mattress, soiled with sweat, and saliva, and cum.

from above you, you heard soft, high-pitched whines as well, mirroring your moans. the vibrations from all the gagged sounds you made while kuroo was delivering heaven right to your doorstep made bokuto cum as well, warm, creamy white ropes releasing all over your mouth and down the back of your throat. "s-shit." he muttered lowly, climbing off you and plopping down on the space beside you.

you haven't even been able to register everything around your environment as you were still coming down from your high, when you heard your boyfriend's shout reverberate around the room, "hajime!"

your eyes, half-lidded and heavy scanned your surroundings for the man to spot him in the corner of the room, blazer and dress jacket unbuttoned and wide open, showing off his well-sculpted abdomen: his chiseled abs and broad shoulders. his belt was unbuckled and fly and zipper undone, cock out of his boxers and in his hand being lazily pumped. it was around the same color as the rest of his skin and thick. most likely thicker than kuroo, but your boyfriend was longer and the curve of his dick you knew so well always managed to hit your g-spot without him trying. the athletic trainer's hair was wet with sweat, the front part of his hair has flopped down, resistant to the get he applied earlier in the evening and sticking to his forehead. his face was slightly flushed, adding a pretty pink glow to him. much like everyone else's, his eyes were on you, but when your boyfriend called for his attention, it snapped away.

"have you done anal before?"

his hand on his dick slowed some.

"yeah a few times. why?"

he said nothing, only nodded to the bed.

of course that was answer enough.

hajime stood up from where he was and walked over to the bed. there you laid, arm over your face and panting, still trying to catch your breath from the previous orgasm you had. in the corner of your eye, you saw him tugging off his clothing before turning you over do you were on your stomach. he was on his knees, sat on his calves when he turned his head back to the man with the bedhead who has moved to lay beside you, rid of his pants. "where's the lube?"

instead of saying something, he opened one of the drawers on the bedside table, already knowing it like the back of his hand. "somewhere there," he waves it off. then, his attention was on you. "wanna try double penetration, kitty?" he murmurs, rubbing the side of his face against your neck before his hands plant themselves on your hips to move you up and sit you on his abs. "want me to ruin this cunt while iwa other there fucks your asshole, huh?"

he feels your pussy clench around nothing and feels the wetness that escapes you and chuckles, slapping you across the face. hard: just the way you like it, just the way you told him to when you sat across from each other, discussing your do's and don't's and boundaries. "such a fucking whore, huh? want five guys to fuck you? want four guys to fuck you while your boyfriend watches? naughty little slut." he grabs you by the neck, his hand firm, but calculated, measured, careful as he chokes you and pulls you down to his mouth to kiss you. "you want it?" he asks again, and you know it's not just for the sake of teasing. you've done anal before, but never with someone in your pussy so you sigh out a breathless yeah. "good kitty,"

you gasp when you feel the coolness of the lubricant drip by your ass and whimper and cling onto kuroo when you felt one of iwaizumi's fingers apply pressure around the area. "calm down kitty, just us." kuroo mutters between kisses. he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, hoping to distract you from the initial discomfort. the wet muscle glides on yours and you let it, losing yourself to the feeling of him, and iwaizumi behind you, now one knuckle deep inside, and the rest of the volleyball players watching everything unfold patiently. bokuto rubs your back from beside you, offering you some sort of comfort. unbeknownst to you, ushijima and atsumu were already stripping off the remaining articles of clothing they had on while you still remained in the dress kuroo bought you as a gift on one of your birthdays.

when iwaizumi's two knuckle deep into you, kuroo sits you down on his cock, and when iwaizumi's three, he joins in. he adds more lubrication to his cock as well as your ass and slowly slides in, stopping whenever you hiss too loudly or hold on to your boyfriend too tightly. and when you assure them that you were fine, that you could take more, he resumes until he's finally bottomed out inside of you.

both men, iwaizumi and kuroo swears lowly at the feeling. you were already tight at the best of times, but the former captain of nekoma thought that this was something else. he let you set the pace, moving between him and his colleague until the motions were fluid. then he was dragging you by the hips. when he slipped out, iwaizumi slipped in, and when iwaizumi slipped out, he slipped in. it was a nice, steady rhythm.

you raised your head from between kuroo's shoulder and saw bokuto with a needy look in his eye so you smiled softly at him and beckoned him over with one of your hands. not having a lot of energy left in you, you laid your head on kuroo's chest, letting yourself be held up by either of the two men fucking you and wrapped a hand around bokuto's length. you could faintly see him shudder and get goosebumps at the feeling and it made you proud, the fact that this highly attractive athlete who had both men and women fawning over him was in the mercy of your hand which did not even completely envelop the girth of his cock. "you okay bo?" you asked him softly. "m-mhmm! yeah! uhhh," the end of his statement trailed off when you ran your thumb over the slit. his adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed and gasped another breath.

"can you take another one, [y/n]-san?" you can't help but chuckle at the deep voice that suddenly made an appearance from beside you. "toshi, there's really no need to be so formal anymore." you shook your head before opening up your mouth, ready for him to slide his cock in.

he wasted no time to do just that.

though your mouth has been thoroughly used throughout the night, while it is now approaching very early daytime, the clock on the bedside table reading three am, tears still pricked themselves in the corner of your eyes while the man fully sheathed himself in and you still had to fight the urge to gag around him. your throat tightened around him, the movement making him hiss and grab a handful of your hair.

bokuto gasped when you stopped moving your hand on him and grasped his cock just a little bit tighter, "g-good, good."

but in front of you and behind you, the two men did not stop thrusting in and out of your holes and peppering hickies all over your body, not even when atsumu, not wanting to be left out, found himself on your other side and began to jerk himself off.

once you got used to ushijima using your mouth like a fucktoy - he would defend himself and say that it was for your sake because it seemed like you had enough on your plate. it would be easier for you to have someone else in control when dealing with this many people - you resumed pleasuring bokuto, taking the faint hitches of breath and moans as signals to know whether you were doing a good job or not, whether to speed up your strokes or slow down, or to have your hand leave his shaft and gently squeeze at his balls, enlarged with arousal.

the only thing that could be heard in the room were moans in six voices as well as the sound of slick skin slapping against slick skin until all of you reached your limit for the night.

you were the first one. there was a hitch in the way kuroo and iwaizumi moved and they both thrusted into you at the same time. both of their cocks reaching that sweet spot inside of you, along with atsumu leaning down to play with your clit had you tumbling over the edge. the second one was bokuto, who was impatient and had his hand help yours in helping him reach the edge. sometimes he'd have his hands stroke his abs, or travel further up and tweak his nipples. it was everywhere your hands weren't. next was iwaizumi, then kuroo, then ushijima, then atsumu who took your boyfriend's place when he reached his peak, whining about how it was unfair that everyone else came with your touch and he wouldn't.

"hell ov'a girlfriend ya have, kuroo. she agreed ta' this?"

your boyfriend chuckled, holding you, now no longer covered by the soiled red dress and completely naked, closer as you all cuddled in bed -- thank god you and him chose the largest bed when you were shopping for your shared home.

"she was the one to suggest it in the first place."

"hmm.. who know yer pretty lil girlfriend has such a slutty side." the setter's cheek landed on your back as he sleepily slurred out his words.

"mmm yeah, whatever 'tsumu. let's just do this again in the morning."

i get: reblog

you get: water because if you’re reading this, you’re probably thirsty as hell

[knchins]

Hunger - Todoroki S.

Summary: Todoroki Shouto doesn’t want to follow the footsteps of his father. On the brink of starvation, he hears the call of a witch who finds a way to fulfill both of their needs.

Pairing: Incubus!Shouto x Witch!Reader

Rating: E+

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Sm*t, v*ginal fingering, v*ginal s*x, oral s*x, c*nnilingus, choking, some mentions of (consensual) breeding, soft!dom Shouto, some begging ig, some mentions of sugar daddy/baby, Shouto is several centuries old and is of age, oh and some fluff

Notes: This was my very first request I think??? I got it months ago lol so idk if this person if even still following me RIP. But I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope they enjoy it wherever they are <3 I did deviate a little bit but not TOO much.Censored words is so I can show up in the gd tags.

 Dealing with demons had become sort of a pastime for her, the young witch living in the secluded wood out in the countryside. She greatly enjoyed the remoteness, though sometimes it did come to a great disadvantage. Travelers would come, asking for potions or spell-work, something to help them with their troubles in life. As a grey witch (one who practiced both white and black magic), she tended to be able to help just about anyone with anything. Of course there were a few lines she wouldn’t cross such as raising the dead or directly causing death. She did have some morals after all, albeit somewhat controversial ones.

 Whenever she needed an item that she simply had no access to, then she would call upon demons to aid her in her work. The first couple times she had been a little reluctant and she would be lying if she didn’t say she had a few close calls, but ultimately demons could be bartered with just as humans could. The lower leveled ones were rarely smart enough to outwit her or ask for something she just couldn’t give. So far, dealings were good and they only became better when she met him.

 On the fourth or fifth time she called out for help, this time she needed a rare desert root for a drying spell, she followed the same procedure as always. She lit her candles, drew a summoning sigil on the floor, and chanted the words that would bring her the closest demonic being that felt the urge to heed her call. She specifically did it in a way that powerful demons would not be attracted. In fact, she would much prefer to keep them away for they were much smarter and more conniving, and ultimately not worth the risk. This time though...this time someone with a little more juice than what she normally found herself bargaining with appeared before her.

 Todoroki Shouto was an incubus with the most prestigious lineage of any sex demon that resided in hell. His father was known by all demonic beings. He was number one in his class, The closest to king that anyone of them could truly be. He had also fathered more children than any other demon, enjoying ruining human women to the point that they could no longer be satisfied by mortal men. Shouto found it distasteful. The way Enji wold flux his hormones so that any woman within a few hundred feet would simply beg for him to fuck her, to breed her, to make her his. He had more half-siblings than he could count in addition to the three full-blooded ones. His mother had also been a high class demon with a pedigree, though her whereabouts were currently unknown.

 He was minding his own business, taking a nice walk through the woods in the mortal realm when he heard the call. There was a tugging sensation on his chest and a melodic voice ringing in his ears. It was not a call for someone like him. Someone capable of such true  power. Yet, something drew him in. Something about that voice had his interest piqued. He couldn’t resist answering her quickly, less some other demon came to her first.

 He appeared before her, hair split down the middle perfectly. One half red like his father’s, the other white as his mother’s. One dark grey eye and another a brilliant blue, his white button-down shirt loose fitting with a few top buttons undone to show off his chest. If he wanted to lure in the opposite sex then he could with ease, but Todorki Shouto had a secret. One that made him much less powerful than he could be.

 The witch was taken aback by the demon in front of her. He was certainly the most handsome she had ever seen, most lower level ones were not very pleasing to look at. It made them easier to deal with. Her curious eyes blinked as if to make sure he was really there. Immediately she could sense that something was off about him. Something wasn’t quite right, however she could not pinpoint what it was.

 Shouto regretted answering the call immediately. The witch he had been summoned by was possibly the most beautiful creature he’d ever set eyes on. She was pure beauty and grace, more stunning than anyone residing in hell or earth. In fact, part of him wondered if maybe she was an angel. However the various bottles of herbs and assorted animal parts quickly led him to believe that she was not divine. She was simply mortal and in need of help.

 “Oh an incubus.” She said, still looking very bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “What a surprise. I’m not sure if you can help me or not. You’re a little out of my league.” The last part seemed like a joke but Shouto wasn’t entirely sure.

 “Why did you call for me here?” He asked calmly, his face perfectly blank though his eyes were fixated on her.

 “I’m in need of something for a spell.” She said honestly, “Sometimes I call upon demons to help me gather items I cannot easily get.”

 “Is that not dangerous?” He asked, starting to look more intrigued than anything. “Do you not worry about your safety?”

 The witch let out a nervous laugh, “Well, lower levels ones aren’t much of a problem for me. You’re a bit more than I’m used to. I’m surprised you even heard it honestly.”

 Shouto knew immediately why he heard it. Because as it stood, his power level was that of some lower tier demon. He had only fed twice since coming of age. His hunger was almost maddening. It had been eating away at him for decades. But he would not be his father. He would not be a glutton for sex and breeding. He refused to follow in his very heavy footsteps.

 “I was simply within range.” He said, though she knew that him happening to be close by to her didn’t really mean much. The spell was designed to not be heard by anyone over a certain power level. Could an incubus really be below that? “What do you need?”

 “A root.” She replied, flipping through one of the many of her family’s grimoires. She found the page that had a drawn picture, name, and general description. “This one.”

 “You’re doing a drying spell.” He said out loud by mistake. He knew because he had had this particular spell cast on him many times throughout the years, though recently it seemed to be working less and less. It was to dry up sexual desire. It was one of the few things that helped him get by so long without feeding. Without it he would have been driven insane by lust many decades ago.

 The witch cocked her head at him curiously, “yes, I am. For a client. She’s tired of having children but her husband just won’t stay off of her. She’s hoping it’ll get him to stop.” She paused for a moment, “Can you get it?”

 “Yes.” he replied dumbly, as if it were totally obvious.

 “What is your price?” She asked then, realizing he didn’t catch the implied question.

 Shouto thought for a moment, it was about time to recast the spell judging by the lecherous thoughts that were starting to cross his mind. “Can you perform another one?”

 She looked perplexed for a moment before it dawned on her why he heard her incantation. He was starved. And he must have been for some time too. “I can but I think I can do something else for you that will be much more beneficial.”

 “And what is that?” Shouto asked, wondering if perhaps there was another spell or potion out there that was more powerful and thus would be more effective.

 “Just have sex with me.”

 That was how it started. Any time the young witch needed something, she’d do a more specific summoning spell, one that only Shouto could hear. And every time he’d come, no matter what he was doing, to aid her. She would often jokingly call him her demonic sugar daddy because he provided everything for her for the low low price of coitus.

 The first couple times had been a little awkward. Shouto’s abilities were almost dormant. He fumbled his way about her body which was quite embarrassing for a sex demon. However after a few practice rounds the two truly began to find what got the other off the most. And in half a dozen sessions Shouto was feeling power, but with power came hunger.

 When he appeared before her hearth one night, without an invitation, the woman nearly threw an old vase full of nightshade at him in terror. She only put it down when she realized it wasn’t just any random intruder, but her newfound lover. She hadn’t needed anything in quite some time now. Hadn’t called on him because business had been rather slow and the jobs she did get, she didn’t need anything from him. Perhaps it was a little cruel of her to not call on him regardless, but she honestly did not know how much his appetite had grown. How it began to consume him until all he could think about was her, naked and writhing beneath him as he pounded into her. He craved her and only her. It was not something that ever really happened to Incubi. After all they could have anyone they wanted. But he didn’t want anyone else. He only had eyes for her.

 “Shouto.” She breathed out, heart still racing as she set down the clay vase. “I wasn’t expecting you, did you need something?”

 His eyes were fiery as he stepped towards her and she could smell the faint scent of hell on him. She wondered if maybe he had another argument with his father. He had told her a little about his family life during post-sex cuddles. It wasn’t much but she knew he hated the demon that sired him. He always seemed to be wound extra tight after coming straight from hell, and that was usually the reason.

 “Go bend your ass over the bed.” He said, further unbuttoned the flowy shirt he typical wore. Her eyes grew wide, embarrassment heating her face as she took a small step away from him. It wasn’t really out of fear, just a simple reflex. He never really got demanding of her like this, maybe something was wrong.

 But the warmth pooling between her legs told her that despite the interruption, despite having not planned this whatsoever, hearing him order her to get into the bedroom had her flooding with desire, and he could smell it.

 Shouto didn’t really have to use his pheromones to seduce her. He was naturally attractive and had a body that looked as if it had been sculpted out of marble. No, he never used them before but he was definitely using them now and they had her weak in the knees as she trembled. She walked on shaky legs into her bedroom, keeping her thighs pressed together as she walked in an attempt to hide the wetness that was accumulating in her panties. It was pointless though. He could always tell.

 He left his shirt in the living room and kicked off his boots on his way to the bedroom. He lost his pants at the entryway, watching as she leaned over the side of the bed and resting on her forearms. Her eyes large and doe-like at the rush of adrenaline. Sex with with a sex demon was always an unforgettable experience. It was easy to see how people went mad over it. The way he made her feel, the orgasms he gave her, none of it compared to any other lover she had ever had. Perhaps that was one reason why she had been so willing to listen to him just now. She knew he’d make her feel good, and who didn’t like to feel good?

 Shouto padded over, dropping to his knees behind her as he pushed her skirt up over her ass so that the fabric could bunch at her waist. His nimble fingers hooked around the elastic of her panties and he slid them down with an odd amount of carefulness. He practically buried his nose into her sex, inhaling that sweet scent of arousal that had him feeling absolutely feral. His tongue came to prod at her clit, causing a small whimpering sound to come from her.

 He dragged his tongue over every inch of her pussy, savoring it fully until she was a quivering mess with shaking knees that threatened to make her fall down. “Let me breed you.” He said between kitten licks. “You can have anything in return.”

 They had been using protection until then. Sex demons were incredibly fertile and typically had no trouble creating offspring. But at the time when this started, Shouto didn’t want to sow his wild oats like his father had. This witch had him wanting to throw all of that to the wind. He just didn’t care. That drive to fuck without any sort of barrier was maddening.

 Anything from a demon was a very big price tag, and Shouto had never tried to deceive her. He had never been anything other than honest. And despite all her teachers to never trust a demon, she found herself trusting him. Every time their bodies intertwined she fell more and more in love, no matter how much she had tried to resist. She had thought some distance would have helped ease her feelings, but apparently it had been hard on both of them.

 “Y-yes,” She gasped out as he latched onto her clit to suck, “Ple-please, Shouto, fill me with your cum.” She was gripping the old quilt on her bed tightly to try and keep herself grounded, but the way he was eating her out, two lithe fingers now dipping into her dripping core made it impossible to even think straight. All she could think about was her simple need to have him inside of her.

 He didn’t stop working his fingers or tongue until she hit her first peak, moaning out for him in a way that had him nearly cumming prematurely. The strain in his underwear was painful now as he throbbed with need. After one long lick along her slit he stood up, grabbing onto the globes of her ass for pretend support.

 “Tell me what you want me to do, Little Witch.” He said as he pulled down his briefs and kicked them away as if they were the most offensive thing in the world to him. “You’re shaking like you want to say something. So say it.”

 “I need you,” She said, somehow sounding out of breath despite not having done anything besides orgasm. “Shouto, I need you so much.” He wrapped one hand around his cock, pumping in slowly as he watched her continue to tremble. “Please fuck me!”

 The amount of lust he was feeling for this one mortal woman was dizzying. No one had ever told him that one person could have this kind of effect on a demon. Neither his father nor his two older brothers. Was it that far fetched to think that something was happening to him that had never happened to them before? They all had a primal drive for sex but never towards one specific person. Shouto found that he desired no one else in any of the realms. He only wanted her.

 He pushed it without any hesitation, feeling her tense suddenly at his thickness stretching her out. He watched with fascination as he disappeared inside of her cunt, the warm, wet feeling enveloping him like summer rain. “Fuck,” He couldn’t stop himself from cursing and just how amazing it felt to be inside her. It was like taking that first breath of fresh air after being held underwater for an extended period of time. It was so damn freeing.

 The witch relaxed against the mattress, her eyes closed to focus on that beautiful feeling of him completing her with his cock. Shouto took hold of her hips to keep her upright and steady as he pulled out slowly before bottoming out all over again, her slick making for the best lubricant as he moved with ease.

 It started slow. Shouto wanted to revel in the heat. He wanted to drink in the feeling of her walls clamping down around him. The sound of her tiny whimpers when he pushed all the way in after pulling out. But this was much too slow for her, she couldn’t handle such a torturous rhythm. Shouto had eternity but his little mortal did not. Her time was limited and the thought of that made his heart suddenly ache.

 “F-Faster,” She dared to mumble to him, sometimes he’d punish her if she begged too much. If she didn’t let him enjoy himself properly. Today was not one of those days though. Today Shouto wanted to hear her cry for his cock.

 So he obliged, increasing his pace as his fingers dug into the flesh of her hips. His witch began to moan even louder as he hit that sweet spot again and again, making her dizzy with ecstasy. She never lasted long when it came to sex with Shouto, something he took great pride in. He loved nothing more than to give her multiple orgasms.

 But this view just wasn’t doing it for him. He pulled out abruptly, making her cry at the sudden emptiness. He flipped her over onto her back, ripping at her blouse so that it was torn wide open for him. Then he tugged down her bra to free her breasts before reinserting himself into her. He watched her face contort with pleasure, the glossy look in her eyes as he began to pound into her at a relentless pace. The hypnotizing way her tits bounced with every thrust, they were just so perfectly in sync with one another. It was the definition of beauty.

 Shouto brought a thumb to her clit, lightly pressing on it in a way that had her clamping down on him even more. It was as if she was trying to suck him in deeper, never wanting to be without him again. He grunted at this sensation, eyes burning with lust as her mouth made that perfect “o” formation with her eyes rolling back as her second orgasm overcame her.

 He never talked much during sex, choosing to be a silent observer. Every now and then he’d give a command or order, but that was about it. He had never been much one for dirty talk like his father or eldest brother. The witch was fine with this. He made it hard enough for her to think without adding the pressure of comprehending something as complex as language.

 Just when she thought he might be coming to his end, he increased his pace even more. She whined, still feeling incredibly sensitive from the first two orgasms. At least he had the decency to take his thumb from her aching clit. Instead he reached up and wrapped his hand around her bare throat, squeezing just enough to lessen the flow of oxygen and blood to her brain.

 She gasped for air, her moans less audible now as air came out in strangled puffs. He would loosen just enough to give her a small break before tightening back up again. She grabbed at his wrist, and he waited for her sign that it was too much. A double tap anywhere on his body with her pointer and middle finger, or their safe word if she could manage it was all he needed to tell him that he’d gone too far. But neither came and so he continued to abuse her pussy with a pace so fast no human could possibly keep up, and only when she was screaming his name a third time did he finally release himself.

 Shouto came inside her for the very first time. Normally he pulled out even with a condom on. He really wanted to take no risk. This time, this time he had to claim her as his somehow. If any other demon were to come to her then then they’d smell him all over her. They’d think twice before crossing a Todoroki, that was just how well known his family was.

 He removed his hand from her neck, before leaning down to kiss it softly. His nose nuzzled the underside of her jaw in a way that might have appeared to be loving if either of them knew what that word really meant. Her heavy breathing slowly calmed down, delicate fingers squeezing his biceps with care. A simple sign to tell him that she was alright and that he did good. She had found that sometimes he needed encouragement. Sometimes he wasn’t as confident as he pretended to be. But small reassurances were really all he needed to bounce back to normal.

 “Can you stay the night?” She mumbled. Any time she asked, any time she was feeling particularly weak for him, he would turn her down. Saying he had other things to do. Saying it just wouldn’t be proper. Making any excuse he could.

 This time Shouto did not move from on top of her. His mound clouded with the afterglow of such an intense orgasm. He knew then that he’d do anything for her. Anything at all. And because of that realization he hummed back a simple affirmative. He’d stay as long as she would have him.

[dastardlydandelion]

So...what kind of horror movie would you write featuring the Hargrove/ Mayfield family? (That you haven't written already lol)

oh boy, u may regret asking me this bc i am indecisive af and i can’t pick just one!

two that i'm actually writing are max as (g is for) ghostface killer in the abcs of neil’s death and also the max + tory nichols werewolf movie fic outlined here. also some more misc gorror junk bc i’m a demon and esp horny for susan wearing blood splatter. but more ideas commence below:

horror movie #1: another creature feature! awhile back @lucdarling sent me an ask abt max + billy hiding smth from susan and her like, playing along, pretending she doesn't know, and one of the scenarios that popped in my head was them keeping a baby bat as a pet. max finds it and she’s only like six or seven, and she thinks it’s going to turn into a vampire. so here is that scenario except horror edition: baby bat is actually a vampire type creature. not rly a vampire like, what’s prolly popping into ur head, like an undead human like dracula or smth, but like a bat monster that sucks blood.

billy being a lil older doesn’t actually think the bat is going to turn into a vampire. he makes fun of max for believing this, but he helps her take care of it anyway bc he thinks it’s cool. susan, like in the non-horror version, knows abt the bat but plays dumb bc she’s feeling a lot of guilt abt max’s difficulty adjusting to the blended fam (as of rn tho, neil has yet to reveal his abusive nature. the red flags are not yet red, more of a brownish maroon, and he is on his best behavior almost all the time, showering susan + max with affection and keeping the swears out of his mouth when he scolds billy in front of them) and knows the lil furry baby makes her happy. she tacitly cleans up after the bat whenever the kids miss a spot (bats poop a lot, dude) and distracts neil, deterring him from discovering it whenever he gets close.

baby bat gets rly big rly fast. and the older it gets, the more it starts to look monstrous. it still has bat features but it’s just like, different. its fangs grow suspiciously long, its hooks grow suspiciously long. its feet are elongated. a dorsal ridge emerges from its spine, spikes at first just flesh but soft fur rather like peach fuzz eventually sprouting. billy catches on that smth is strange abt this animal when it's as long as his forearm after two wks and still growing. he nearly shits a brick when the bat is clinging to his sweater one day and he steps in front of a mirror and only his reflection looks back at him— no bat.

max laughs at him all like, “stupid brother, ofc there’s no reflection. nosferatu is a vampire, vampires don’t have reflections.” 😂

susan catches a glimpse of the thing when nosferatu crawls out of the home max built it in her closet the same wk billy realizes it doesn’t have a reflection, and also almost shits a brick. she doesn’t know what it is, but it’s NOT a fucking bat. not a normal one, anyway! cue a comedy scene where she’s chasing it around the house with a butterfly net and it’s always one flap *ba dum tss* ahead of her, flying just out of reach. she suddenly regrets not getting rid of it sooner, scolding herself for ever allowing her daughter to keep a wild animal.

she can’t catch it. max comes home, susan tells her she needs to get rid of it. max cries, flips her the bird, refuses. billy tho…billy has mixed feelings. he loves nosferatu but he’s worried it’s going to get dangerous. he loves his dad and his dad is dangerous too. he’s stressed out enough, always on edge, knowing that one way or the other, neil is going to hurt him again. he’s already waiting for his dad to hurt him, he doesn’t need the added stress of waiting for nosferatu to hurt him too. and while max is 100% nosferatu’s favorite, it likes billy too. billy’s been handling it since it could fit in the palm of his hand, it trusts him much more than it trusts susan and doesn’t know any different when billy takes it out of the closet when max isn’t around.

billy frees nosferatu at an abandoned farm. there are always bats flying out of the old silo adjacent to the dilapidated barn. while he knows nosferatu isn’t a *normal* bat, it’s still bat like enough that he thinks it might make friends and be happy here…

yeah, that doesn’t stick. before long, nosferatu is feasting on that colony. leeches the blood out of a couple bats nightly. the number of bats increases with nosferatu’s size. meanwhile, max mourns her missing friend. she’s sullen af and won’t speak to susan at all. she thinks susan is the one who got rid of nosferatu. billy never fesses up and susan doesn’t contradict max’s assumption bc she wants the step-siblings to get along.

neil, meanwhile, is getting more comfortable. those maroon flags are slowly but surely brightening to scarlet. he starts sabotaging susan’s plans with her friends, trying to keep her around the house more and more, quietly but steadily eroding her relationships with other people. he’s getting more visibly aggressive when he disciplines billy. he curses him out with a virulent venom that dunks susan’s stomach in ice water and scares max so badly, she runs to susan and hides behind her even though she’s still so mad that susan got rid of her beloved baby vampire.

nosferatu’s appetite surpasses what the bat colony can offer. it’s like the size of a ten yr old human child now. fucker’s big. it doesn’t just have fangs on top, but tusks on bottom. it can’t go out in the sunlight anymore, the sun sears its flesh. it misses max a lot and before, it wasn’t strong enough to fly back to her house. but now it is. it’s extremely strong, actually.

so bc it's hungry, nosferatu grabs a snack along the way. some nameless rando, it swoops down and sucks dry. nourished and much happier, nosferatu makes its way back home. patiently waits outside of max’s bedroom in the moonlight, tapping its hook against the window until she wakes up. initially max is a lil startled— nosferatu looks so different, there’s a beat before she recognizes it— him?? yk, ig it’s male, the og nosferatu was a guy. sure, why not, nosferatu is a boy now.

once she realizes who it is, she is so! happy! max opens the window and embraces her friend. she isn’t freaked out by the blood on its fangs. she’s always known nosferatu is a vampire, albeit, she was thinking he’d look more like dracula than this bat-monster-thingy.

nosferatu moves back into max’s closet. it hangs upside-down from her rod by its weird, elongated feet. we get more shots of nosferatu sucking rando ppl dry at night, tho he remains gentle with max. when max drags billy in to show her he came back, nosferatu is less friendly with him. he’s not aggressive with billy, but he is standoffish. nosferatu’s thought process is somewhere between human and animal. he doesn’t quite cognitively understand that billy took him to the farm with the intent of getting rid of him, but he does understand that the last time he clung to billy, billy left him alone and never came back. max puts two and two together, and realizes it was billy who “stole” her friend. she yells at him a lot, he yells back, she then ices him out.

billy acts out bc he’s upset. runs away, thinks he’s going to find his mom…the cops find him first and call neil. neil is rly embarrassed and pissed abt the whole thing. he breaks down and beats billy in front of the mayfields for the first time. nosferatu smells the blood and it’s time for the main event! we love dead!neil, yes, we do.

nosferatu flies out the closet and right into the living room where billy’s bleeding and teary but biting his lip so they don’t actually fall. susan’s covering max’s eyes but so shocked and tbh, FRIGHTENED, she doesn’t move a muscle beyond that. neil’s got the belt raised, preparing to bring it down again, and nosferatu smashes right into him. neil stumbles, turns back to see this freaky monster looking thing. proceeds to whip the belt at nosferatu. tries to fight him off with the belt and it doesn’t accomplish much beyond pissing him off more— nosferatu, like most classic vampire types, has a healing factor!

max rips her mom’s hands off her face in time to see her pet sink its fangs into her stepdad’s throat. nosferatu sucks neil dry. billy’s a little dazed, not quite frightened. susan is just dead ass frozen, too scared to scream, even. nosferatu crawls over to billy and nudges at him, making sure he’s in once piece and forgiving him in the same go. max darts over and that snaps susan out of her stupor, but she isn’t as fast as our blood-sucking bat monster.

nosferatu stretches his wings out and with a truly impressive wingspan, hugs both of the kids. <3

horror movie #2: a haunting! this one opens with a bang. it’s a tragic horror, beware. we’re in hawkins post s3. billy died at starcourt mall. neil’s obvi had a longstanding abusive mindset and abusive behavior, but he rly takes his grief out on susan and max. mostly susan. she does her best to protect max however she can, whether that means shielding her w her body, sending her out of the house, getting neil’s goat to inspire his ire in max’s place, etc. but sue simply isn’t around all the time and when she isn’t, but max is, well. yk.

one day neil comes home early (bc he lost his job for a violent outburst, tbh) and discovers susan packing a suitcase.

sue fights hard. she rly does. but neil is bigger, heavier, crueler, and to boot, he caught her completely unawares. he kills her. and no, no it’s not some accidental thing where neil makes one bad move rage-blind. he strangles her with his belt. she’s clawing at his arms and making these horrible choked, trapped animal noises. thrashes and twists her body with everything she has trying to get him off but he’s so strong, his grip is unrelenting, and she's growing weaker, lightheaded with the lack of oxygen. strangulation can induce incontinence and when susan blacks out, her piss streams to the hardwood— neil hears that as much as he felt the clawing and heard the noises, even now he could stop, but he doesn’t. he just. doesn’t think his wife has the right to leave him, esp not after his son just did.

neil burns the body and the suitcase in the woods while max is at school. max has been spending as much time as she can (and often with sue’s prompting) outside of the house, so it actually takes her about two days to realize her mother isn’t around. neil tells a pretty convincing story about how susan abandoned them, voice saturated with apology and sorrow. he takes her out for a fancy dinner and promises he’s going to be a better father-- that being a better father is the least he can do now that her mother abandoned her and they are alone in their grief.

max doesn’t know what to think. she’s been preoccupied with her own grief and pain. she finds it hard to believe her mother would just leave her to neil’s wrath. she has a lot of hangups with susan and anger toward her for marrying neil and not getting them out sooner, but she’s also old enough to realize there would be risks involved with that. it’s hard to reconcile the memory of her mother just last wk pinning max to the wall to protect her from neil’s blows with her own bod just abruptly taking off without a word in the middle of the night. but hey, maybe that’s why susan left. maybe she got sick of protecting her, maybe the pain got to be too much and she turned tail.

but also…it’s early october now, abt three months after billy’s death but still fairly warm outside. yet neil is wearing long sleeves. neil never used to button his collared shirts all the way up, and yet. every collar is buttoned. also, mom’s car is still here. why would mom leave without her car?

that ceramic pelican she loved so much is still here too, on the mantle in the living room. it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she would leave behind, she's had it since max was a baby.

max almost wants to believe neil because she’d rather her mother abandoned her than be dead somewhere, rotting in a storage locker or a hole in the ground. under the earth with the worms, just like billy. max has the worst feeling low in the pit of her gut. she thinks she knows the truth. she thinks abt going to hopper and hesitates bc she’s not sure she could handle it if he actually found smth. or what would happen to her if he did, where she would be sent, who she would end up with.

this movie would be more on the ambiguous end of things. an arthouse horror, if u will.

the days turn into wks and neil is crawling in his skin. the viewer isn’t sure if the shadows he’s seeing, always, always susan-shaped shadows, are of a ghostly nature or if he’s just hallucinating out of guilt. but the signs gradually point to the former— that smth paranormal is indeed going on. bc those scratches and bite marks susan left in his skin?

they do not heal. they do not get infected. they do not become necrotic. but they do not heal, either. days turn into wks and the wounds still look fresh, like she just left them moments ago. neil can’t wear light colors anymore because his wounds weep red into the fabric. he isn’t just seeing susan’s shadows either, he’s smelling her.

he washes his sheets and pillowcases a dozen times and the scent of her shampoo, her lotion, it’s like it’s woven into the fibers. he walks into the hallway and chokes on the aroma of susan’s perfume. he wonders if max is screwing with him, if max figured it out and she’s trying to torture him into a confession. one day he stomps off to max's bedroom, furious, adamant on confronting her. he grabs her doorknob, prepared to yank it open and then lets out a yelp, jerking his hand back with a sudden sharp pain.

it feels like a bee sting (which would be esp bad for this fucker in anything i write, bc i headcanon him as being allergic). but there’s no stinger. no injury. nothing. neil is freaked out enough that he backs down.

max, on the other hand, is getting gentler signs. when she turns the radio dial in the camaro, it’s somehow always her mom’s favorite songs that come thru the speakers. when she goes to pull clothes out of her drawers in the morning, she discovers that the things she’d just shoved inside in wrinkled balls are perfectly folded, neat as a pin, exactly like how susan always folded. susan was always fond of cardinals and suddenly max is seeing cardinals, pretty red cardinals, in just abt erry tree and shrub.

neil wakes up one night to his wife’s voice whispering “boo” right in his ear. he throws the covers off and discovers ashes in the bed. he doesn’t smell susan’s shampoo or lotion anymore, he smells the kerosine he’d poured all over her body.

his wounds still won’t heal. whenever he looks in the mirror, he catches a glimpse of susan walking past behind him, peering at him from her peripheral. he whips around, heart hammering, but there’s never any tangible person there.

max is almost certain her mother is dead at this point. neil’s been so bizarrely nice to her lately. she never believed in ghosts but her experiences with the upside-down broadened her perception of reality. she doesn’t know how else to explain the songs, the cardinals, the folded clothes. the way that these days, whenever she does feel fear toward neil, it just fades away. her fear melts like popsicles in the sun, immediately replaced by the sensation of a warm, maternal hug, as if arms she can’t see are trying to reassure her she truly doesn’t need to be afraid of him anymore.

in fact, max feels so unafraid of neil and brave, that one night she calls him out on it. he’s grizzled and unshaven in his recliner, beer in hand. she steps in front of the television he’s vacantly fixated on and folds her arms across her chest.

“you killed my mom, didn’t you?”

quick as a flash, neil leaps to his feet. he brings his arm back like he’s going to strike her and susan’s ceramic pelican on the mantle explodes into shards. the lights flicker, the television program cuts to snow with a static roar. every other knickknack on the mantle rattles and framed photos tumble off the wall.

neil very wisely lowers his hand. he slumps, boneless. he doesn’t say a word. max sees the answer in his eyes. it’s the dead of night and she snatches the camaro keys off the hook, marching out of the house, slamming the door behind her. it’s the dead of night and she doesn’t care. she’s going to blow past every stop sign and pound on the chief’s door until he opens up. and fuck, i just realized if this is post s3 he’s supposed to be in russia. shit. i don’t watch this show, but i know abt russia bc i DID watch the clips of that demogorgon that i rly hope isn’t stuck in captivity!! okay, but let’s pretend that didn’t happen?

it’s an au?? i mean, errything i write is always technically an au anyway, bc when i write stuff susan has an actual personality and billy isn’t *completely* abhorrent. okay, so it’s an au and mr. hopper didn’t blow up and un-blow up in russia. he’s still here. so max drives to his house.

she pounds on the door so hard this guy snaps outta bed, thinking someone’s trying to bust it down. she tells him neil confessed to killing her mom. it isn’t true, exactly, but he didn’t have to. so it’s a helluva grim drive back to cherry lane, this time in the cop car.

but when they go inside, chief prepared to arrest neil, no need. neil’s hanging from the belt he strangled susan with, shirtless for the first time since that night, erry seemingly fresh furrow and bite mark on full display. below his dangling feet is a map, the area he burned susan’s corpse in circled in red marker. did he kill himself or did the ghost do it?

up to u, we soundlessly cut to credits without a concrete answer to that question.

horror movie #3: crossover special! stranger things meets the chilling adventures of sabrina. sequel to that fic i wrote where susan makes out with lilith, queen of hell, and lilith kills neil for her. sue officially joins the church of lilith. bc in this ‘verse the church of lilith actually happens after caos s2 instead of the nonsense that was s3 and the inconceivably godawful migraine-inducing shit-fest that was s4.

killing neil was lilith’s only freebee. susan isn’t a witch, she’s a mortal, so in order to reap the other rewards of worshipping the one and only mother of demons, she has to fornicate with the witches and participate in the sacrifices!!!

this is, uh, well. it’s p much a porno, dude, sorry. 😅

this is just an excuse for susan to have sex with lilith, zelda, marie, hilda, big witch orgies + susan. witches bathing in the blood of their sacrifices, susan so nervous and timid but unable to deny her desire. the witch’s dressing her in their gothic garb.

how does the rest of the fam get it on this?

max joins the church too. she has more age-appropriate conduct with sabrina and the weird sisters, and what have you. just smooches and over-the-clothes groping, and whatnot, even tho the weird sisters, at least, would be interested in going further if given the opportunity.

billy dies in starcourt again, so he gets revived in the cain pit! hilda is the one who goes to him after bc she’s been in the cain pit many a time (i am still BIG side-eyeing zelda for repeatedly murdering her sister since childhood). hilda understands how jarring it can be to come back. suddenly alive!billy is freaking tf out but she brings him inside the mortuary, wraps him up in a big blanket burrito and they have a talk. hilda explains that he’s going to be okay and rubs his back while he tentatively sips the hot chocolate she made.

after billy’s calmed down, she brings max and susan in. max and susan can’t do as much magic as the caos witches— they’re mortals, after all, it’s not in their nature —but they’ve gained some abilities thru being in the church, following the rituals, and being carnally involved with the immortal witches. max happily shows him some of her new magic tricks.

horror movie #4: another crossover with caos. heavily inspired by creepshow episode s2e1, model kid (which i already v blatantly referenced in the last axe snafu update and i’m not ashamed, bc it’s a good series i love v much).

billy picks max up from the byers’ place rly late one night. it’s dark and the weather is bad and okay, yeh, he might be a little high. and a little concussed. he pissed neil off pretty bad the other day and okay, actually he’s defo concussed bc he doesn’t even remember what he did wrong!

needless to say, they take a wrong turn somewhere. they end up in greendale. at first max is pissed. she yells at him a lot! yells so loud hilda can hear them thru the walls of dr. cerberus’s comic shop/diner. she goes outside to see what all the fuss is abt, hilda never rly ignores youth in need. we love hilda, she deserved so much better…i’m getting distracted, okay, back to the story.

hilda ushers them inside. max is like, “ooh, comics? horror junk and comics? nvm, i’m not mad anymore.” she pats billy’s arm and wanders away to go check stuff out! hilda makes billy sit down. caos canon established that she’s psychic, at least when she wants to be. she smells the weed but she also sees his life, his trauma. billy doesn’t remember what he did to piss neil off or the abuse that followed, but hilda sees it clear as day.

he’s rude and cranky w her when she probes a little too much for his liking. hilda gently but firmly reprimands him and gets him a milkshake on this house. then she goes to check on max. she steers max to a v particular section of the shop, the one that sells model kits. now, max isn’t *huge* into model kits BUT they are p neat and she enjoys them well enough. more so when the weather is nasty and she can’t go outside. or when she needs smth to do with her hands (a trait she shares w susan) to distract herself and ease some of the anxiety when she hears her brother being beaten or her mother being shouted at.

max is actually rly impressed by the array of models. vintage ones and newer ones. monsters, slashers, final girls, tiny accessories like knives and bloodied heads. but when she gets to the paint-your-own shelf, her jaw drops to the floor.

there’s one that looks just like neil. unpainted, plain gray vinyl, but undoubtedly her stepdad. the expression on the five inch figurine is one frozen in fear.

“i think that one’s calling to you,” hilda prompts her, with the softest smile.

max blinks away her bewilderment altho she still can’t speak. she turns to hilda and turns her empty pockets inside out. hilda just waves her hand. she tells her it’s on the house. that it wouldn’t be fair if she gave billy smth on the house, but not max.

speaking of billy, when he finishes his milkshake, he’s suddenly totally sober and healed!! no more high buzzing in his blood. no more pounding headache or concussion fogging his mind. he doesn’t feel his bruises anymore, rolls his sleeve up, and realizes they simply aren’t there anymore. like they dissolved off his skin.

albeit it’s muttered under his breath, but billy does thank hilda. then he and max are on their way. max shows him the suspiciously familiar figurine in the box. this night cannot get weirder.

max knows what to do with the model kit. she does. she isn’t sure how she knows, but she does. she grapples with it for a long time. neil’s the closest thing she has to a dad these days. and things aren’t bad all the time, ofc.

sometimes neil gives max a ride when mom and billy aren’t available. sometimes he brings her ice cream entirely unprompted. neil’s the one who picks max up off the sidewalk when she wipes out super bad on her skateboard, carries her inside and then later to the car when her cut doesn’t stop bleeding and she ends up needing stitches.

but most of the time he sucks. she can’t rly be herself around him. he's indifferent to her interest at best, scornful at worst. he would hate all her friends. he scares the shit out of her when he’s angry. he doesn’t have a problem belittling her mother in front of her, tearing susan to shreds and making her out like she’s lower than dirt, the most worthless person on the planet. doesn’t have a problem beating billy in front of her or glaring at her with the promise that she’ll be next if she dares to voice her dissent.

max doesn’t always want to do what she knows she’s meant to do with the model. bc she's kind at heart and bc on the good days, she genuinely does have mixed feelings toward neil. never enough to hope he'll be better, he's proven he won't...but maybe enough to hope he won't get worse, either.

then comes the night neil breaks ribs. bad, like we’re talking, a-sharp-spear-of-broken-rib-punctures-billy’s-lung-and-he’s-coughing-up-blood-bad. that’s a trip to the emergency room. in the days that follow, at her next dnd meeting w the party, max places the fully and attentively painted model of her stepdad on the table. normally her pals would protest her derailing the intended game, but they can sense it, yk, that smth is different.

max takes over as dungeon master to the protest of no one, all other mouths sealed as if bewitched and spellbound. she narrators a scene where the demogorgon devours neil and uses the demogorgon piece and the model for demonstration.

when max returns home, neil is strewn across the house in gory chunks and torn wallpaper curls around massive claw marks.

[mlmxreader]

Sick of Me | Peter B. Parker X Gender Neutral!Reader

summary; you and Peter could never grow sick of each other, could you?

notes/warnings; depression, divorce, slight jealousy ig??, probably super out of character bc I haven't written anything except X Files fanfic in far too long

Peter had been depressed, he knew what it felt like all too well, he had spent far too much time sat in his shower and hugging his knees whilst letting out quiet sobs, he had spent far too much time feeling nothing, as if his ribcage was empty, as if nothing had been there to begin with; he had been through it too many times, which he supposed was what brought him here, to your bed - you had told him what you were going through, you had told him about the sudden shift of appetite, the inability to shower or even brush your teeth, not getting changed out of the same hoodie and jogging bottoms, and... well, he was the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man, for one, and plus, you were his friend. Peter had met you through Marc Spector, Moon Knight, a long time ago, and he had decided to let you in; he told you about the divorce, about May, about well just about everything. He even told you about the fact that he had jumped dimensions at one point. He was sure you didn't believe him. Didn't stop you from smiling, though. Fuck, your smile was amazing.

But as Peter let you snuggle into him a bit further, as he let you grip onto his baggy and stained hoodie, he asked himself what he was still doing there; you were doing better, granted, you still weren't brilliant and your mood was still low, but you were still better than you had been when he first came over. So why was he still here, four days later? And why hadn't you kicked him out? Normally, people kicked him out by now, even if he was Spider-Man.

"Pete," you grumbled, looking up at him and suppressing a yawn, stretching slightly and letting your leg be thrown over both of his as you did your best to blink away exhaustion. "You're okay with staying here, right?"

"I'm okay with it," Peter nodded, patting your shoulder and doing his best not to smile weakly. It looked like you weren't sick of him, after all. And he guessed he could live with that. "If you're sick of me, you can kick me out - it's okay."

You shook your head, swallowing thickly. "No, I'm... pretty sure I couldn't ever get sick of you."

Letting out a bitter and quiet chuckle, Peter refused to believe it, but then again, the Spiders he had met in that other dimension hadn't grown sick of him, either; although, he had to admit, it was hard to know what to say next. "You, uh, you heard from Moon Knight?"

"No," you sounded upset. Why? Were you two... "I'm kinda worried about him, but y'know, I texted Frenchie and he had his husband to check in and... they say Marc's okay... maybe he's just sick of me."

Peter frowned, wanting to say something but deciding against it as he reached over, practically on top of you for a few short seconds as he grabbed the remote for the television before falling back into place and sighing. "X Files?"

"Sounds good to me," you hummed, wriggling back into his side as he flicked the television show on, starting with the very first episode. "Hey, Pete?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember when we met up with Matt Murdock for coffee?" You asked softly, quietly. "And we stopped by my cousin's on the way there, and you tried to take me for a swing but you didn't have enough web fluid?"

"Was that the time I fell flat on my face?" He asked with a little bit of a chuckle, smiling when you nodded. "I still owe your cousin a new rose bush..."

"I'm pretty sure she'll let Spider-Man get away with wrecking a few roses," you reassured. "Y'know, you could always stay here... with me... I mean, it could save you some cash and-"

"You'd get sick of me," Peter said. "I mean, fuck, even MJ got sick of me... not that I can blame her, I wasn't... wasn't the best."

"Maybe I would get sick of you," you admitted. "You do tend to steal the blanket, and your hoodies all have pizza sauce stains... not to mention, I'm pretty sure I've never seen you load up a dishwasher. Or fold laundry."

"See, I'd be a terrible roommate," he laughed along with you for a moment.

"Yeah, you probably would," you mused. "But at least you'd be fun, and... y'know, there's the extra bonus of being able to have nights like this."

Maybe he was ready for a new relationship, maybe he was sure that he would risk ruining the friendship to ask what was on his mind, maybe he wanted to move in with you - if Miles Morales and the other Spiders had taught him anything, Peter knew that he had to take a leap of faith.

"I could try, though," Peter told you softly. "I could try... if you want me to? I could... I could even try to be a good boyfriend, if that's what you want."

"You'd be willing to?" You asked, looking up at him with a hint of a smile.

"Sure," he shrugged.

"When we get snacks in about an hour," you grumbled, snuggling into him, "I'm gonna kiss you... but only after this episode."

[insiderengokushaori]

✨um could i get a matchup ig- im a bisexual with a male lean, trans male- though im a femboy, so i still like girly stuff-- im 5'7 but im really light, i have almost black short brown hair and eyes, im really awkward and quiet but around my friends im loud and i swear a ton- im not very affectionate, i have probably the smallest appetite but at some random points i'll eat like a ton- i have a lot of mood swings and anger issues so thats fun- i wont watch a movie unless its horror and uh yea haha

I match you with Akaza!

He's a little bit of an instigator BUT he only does it so you have an outlet for your mood swings and anger issues (RE: Him)

Also not a very affectionate individual, but he encourages you to spar with him on a regular basis. Also a fan of linking pinkies in public and refuses to go to bed without a good hug.

You having a small appetite works out really well for him because he is hungry™ all the time. Likes sharing food because that means if you're not hungry then he gets more and if you are hungry then he can just share with you and you're both happy.

He is the type to swing you around like a ragdoll hfodijufoif just because he can. Picks you up and carries you around all the time even if you're like no wtf

he is TERRIBLE though about language because he will ride your ass about watching your mouth and then turn around and stub his toe and immediately scream FUCK at the top of his lungs. Doesn't understand why you give him a dirty look about it either dsjdsjdsjdsjd

He is the king of horror movie marathons too dhfhsfd he knows all of the best ones and has a knack for finding the really good not popular movies honestly 10/10

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #330

“and i don't want ya  /  and i don't need ya  /  don't bother to resist, or i'll beat ya  /  it's not your fault that you're always wrong  /  the weak ones are there to justify the strong”

If you have a job, do you like it? I'm unemployed. Do you like any kinds of fruit? Well of course. Are you waiting for something right now? Covid and this headache to fuck off, May for my tattoo, to be paid to take some pictures again... What is your favorite kind of animal? Kind, not the actual animal itself? In that case, social species, usually mammals. What kind of Dippin' Dots do you like? Holy shit, I haven't had that in like a damn decade or something. I don't know, I barely remember the taste. Who is the most badass woman that you can think of? My mom. My mother is a fucking warrior. Do you have a Pinterest account? Yeah. I get a lot of photography ideas from there, as well as base pictures to make Mark icons, haha. If you were to write a book, what would it be about? The stories I and my friends have weaved in RP. Have you ever seen the television show The Munsters? AHHHHH YES!!!!! Mom loves that show, so I used to watch it with her growing up. Have you ever written one of those 'Roses are red...' valentines? I don't think so. Would you/have you spent more than $200 on any one person for a holiday? I haven't, but I would for certain people. Do you have a favorite Robin Williams movie? Probably Night at the Museum. Thoughts on Slender Man? Have you even heard of him? I think it's a cool creepypasta; he does look pretty unnerving with his height and especially lack of a face. The movie was good too, btw. Do you know what the Tardis is? I think almost everyone does in this generation, haha. Doctor Who ain't no joke to a whole lot of people. Are there any children's shows that you'd watch today if they were on? Sure, like Pokemon or Avatar: The Last Airbender, among others. I wouldn't at all be opposed to watching The Lion Guard, either. I actually want to, with my whole TLK love. I'm not embarrassed to watch "kids" shows or movies at all. What would you call yourself the King or Queen of? Having not an ounce of knowledge on how to love things in moderation/avoid total obsession with things, haha. If I paid for you to take karate lessons, would you? No, especially not now with my legs. Do you read more fiction or non-fiction? Almost solely fiction. What modern technology are you especially grateful for? Laptops, ig. Do you have a favorite science topic? Genetics. Very fascinating stuff. Have you ever read any Sherlock Holmes stories? No. What is the saddest movie that you've ever seen? Either Johnny Got His Gun or Boy in the Striped Pajamas. What's your most popular post? On what? If Facebook, I don't really know. Possibly my "coming out" one or a lovey-dovey essay when Sara and I were together. On Tumblr, it's definitely the gif I made of Mark and Chica (his dog) with I think over 10k notes. Manga or anime? Anime. I don't read manga, though I've been tempted with Deadman Wonderland since the show only had one season and ends on a ginormous cliffhanger, but there's more story to be had. A card game that you're good at? None, really. A popular book you haven't read yet? To Kill a Mockingbird. I feel like every school student has read it at some point. Favorite Mean Girls quote? I don't know any. It's a fine movie, but I've never understood the hype. Name your top 3 albums from your favorite band/artist. Black Rain, Ozzmosis, and... then I can't choose. I love so, so many very dearly. Name your top 5 music videos. I don't really watch music videos, so I definitely can't name five. My #1 favorite is probably "Wrong Side of Heaven" by Five Finger Death Punch; I absolutely cannot watch it without crying. What are you most passionate about? How did this passion develop? Animals. I was born simply adoring animals and have always wanted to protect them and their environment. Do you like monkeys? Do you believe in evolution? Yes and yes. We've literally watched it in action. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Discussing RP if you're not involved in it. I'm terrified of people thinking I'm weird. Have you considered running for president? Absolutely not. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? I'd say Mark, but I'd be way too interested in dating him instead of being just friends, haha... So with that said, maybe Bindi Irwin? Would you ever go skinny dipping with the last person who commented you? Lyndsey would be that person, so no. She's a great friend of mine, but realistically I'd probably only ever - if ever - do that with the company of my s/o. Are you still friends with the last person who broke your trust? No. How long did your last relationship last? Around two years. Have you ever been banned from anywhere? Online, yes, as a little kid on the Animal Planet forum, haha... Has anyone kissed you when you weren't expecting it? Yeah, Juan. Did you like it? It was a sweet moment, but I didn't want it. Does your dad smoke? Like a chimney. Is your mom over 50? Yeah. Are you currently listening to anything? Yeah, kinda hooked on "The Horrible People" by Manson. I've found a lot of great music lately. Would you ever consider getting breast implants? No, but once (if...) I lose all the weight I want, it's going to be a moderate priority to get a breast lift. I've hated my body way too fucking long and am dying to be satisfied with it again, and with how much weight I need to lose, I would essentially have grandma tits. :x Do you know anyone who is bisexual? Me, haha. Among some friends. Who would you tell, or who did you tell when you lost your virginity? That's not something I'd just go to tell someone afterwards for no reason... I'd only ever mention having lost my virginity if I was actually asked or if it was relevant to a conversation. Is there something you have been trying to learn lately? I'm really trying to practice opposite action and behavioral activation, among other things I've learned in group therapy. When you think about your future career, do you envision yourself becoming the head honcho or CEO? If not, why not? Well, I want to be my own boss as a freelance photographer. In any other job, I definitely wouldn't want that. Too much responsibility and leadership skills. Can you think of a time when you seriously misjudged a music artist based on their name? I don't think so? Have you ever kissed someone that you didn’t really want to kiss (not assault, just indifference)? Why did you go along with it and how did you feel after? Yes, Tyler. I felt like I was "supposed to." I felt really uncomfortable afterwards. If you have to wake up early for something, what time is just TOO early for you to be there and be presentable and sentient? Have you ever had to be somewhere that early? Probably like, 5:00. No. Have the majority of your romantic relationships started with a physical attraction or a deeper connection? Always an emotional connection. Did you ever write a fan letter to a celebrity? How about submit something to a magazine? No to both. What hair color is the most attractive on the opposite sex? Of natural colors, black, but I like unnaturally dyed hair most. Where do you like to go to when you are stressed? On a carride, so long as I'm controlling the music nice and loud and not talking. Where do you go to get your hair cut/dyed? To a family friend's little salon/small business. Why do you want the career that you want? Because I adore art and think it's pretty darn magical that you can freeze a moment forever to not just remember in your head, but actually see. Have you ever watched iCarly? Yeah, I enjoyed it when I was younger. What was your favorite class during your sophomore year of high school? Art. Do you wear bandanas in your hair? No. Have you ever been on a blind date? No, not interested. How many living grandparents do you still have? None. Have you ever worked in an office? No. Who does the grocery shopping in your house? Mom. Have you ever stayed in a hotel without your parents or older relatives? No. Did you have an Easy-Bake oven when you were little? Sure did. Have you ever seen a donkey? Yeah. Have you ever made out in a hot tub? Pretty sure no. Do you always flush the toilet after you use it? Yes. What were the last words you said to your dad? Probably "bye, love you." Have you cuddled with someone you weren’t dating? Nah. Who has the ability to hurt you the most emotionally? JASON. Are you a really understanding person? Yeah, very. Are you the type of person that enjoys getting hugs? Yes. When’s the last time you wore a wig? For a witch costume many years ago. Why were you last hospitalized? Suicide attempt. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without food? At least 12 hours, but I think I almost went a day once back when recovery started and my appetite was non-existent. What was the last name of your third grade teacher? Mrs. Britt. How was the last chicken you ate cooked? They were chicken tenders. What is your favorite kind of chip? Hot crunchy Cheetos. What grade did you have your first boyfriend? 7th. Have you ever been told that you’ve lost weight? Yeah, back when I actually WAS losing loads of weight. >> Do you have the same political views as your parents? Some things, but definitely not all. Does anyone call you babe/baby? No. Have you ever made a significant other cry? Sadly. If you could make your lips bigger, would you? Maybe just a teeeeny bit. Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? Yep. Fuck them prices. Are you prone to illness? Definitely not. What races do you usually date? History says Caucasian, but I have no actual preference. I'll date any race. What’s your cup size? C. Ever flirted with a teacher? Yikes, no thanks. Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? My older sister made the most stuff. Have you ever been dumped really harshly? Well, considering it literally traumatized me... Do you have any ex’s you can’t stand anymore? No. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer, definitely. When was the last time you made a sandwich? What did you put on it? Yesterday for lunch. Ham, American cheese, and mustard. Have you ever made friends with someone that you didn’t expect to get along with? Yeah. Do you own any accessories with your name on? No. What brand of eyeliner do you use? I pay no attention to this. Have you ever been sexually harassed? No. Have you ever sent a naughty text message? Suggestive ones, yes. How long have you had your pets? Roman, around two years. Venus, around three or four years. Who was the last person to tell you that they love you, other than family? Sara. Has one of your friends ever tried to hook you up with someone? Colleen tried obnoxiously hard to push Girt and me together. We all went out to eat pizza once just as friends hanging out, and this bitch prefaced an uncomfortable and nosy question to him with an even more uncomfortable "because I'm trying to get you in her pants...", and that, my friends, was the closest occasion I've ever come to slapping someone right across the face. I looked at her in absolute disgust, and Girt was clearly thinking "what the actual fuck" as well. I do not miss her feral mouth. Are you good at staring contests? No. Eye contact is very difficult for me to maintain. Do you like peanut butter? I love peanut butter. When was the last time you had to present something to your class? In this mandatory but entirely pointless entry class at my last college, we all had to do like this PowerPoint introducing ourselves. I hated it. Who was the last person that told you they missed you? I think my friend Chelsea. What store is your favorite shirt from? It's not a real store, but rather an online brand: Cloak. Mark is one of the owners/creators so I obviously support them intensely. Have you ever fell off your bed while you were sleeping? No, thankfully. Do you have something you’re supposed to tell someone, but you haven’t yet? No. What type of food do you never really eat? Vegetables, oops. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Do you like going to weddings? Not really, if I'm being honest. I'm only interested in photographing weddings for the only the couple pictures and pay, really. I'm not big on formal events. What’s your favorite flavor squash? I don’t like squash. Do you or anyone in your house have a severe allergy? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? Our landlord/family friend, just to hang out for a little bit and chat with Mom. What fad were you actually into? Hm. What was the last spontaneous thing you did? I'm not a very spontaneous person, so I really don't know.

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p 

[thehomierobbstark]

Eat Your Breakfast

Pairing: Erik Killmonger x Reader [#TeamErikDon’tDateWhiteChicks]

Prompt: ….this shit mad weird but yall been accepting my lil odd ass fics n whatever so far so just go with it ig XD

A/N: Random lil shit I came up with the other morning.  I don’t like to eat breakfast (even though I love breakfast food… I just feel like its too much first thing in the morning) but if I had to be convinced, I wouldn’t mind this approach I suppose.

[Yall are lucky as FUWK. I was planning on semi ghosting until I could finish a couple more hybrid fics so I can post a few at once, but I ended up finishing this while I was at work so here you are]  Nods to @supersizemeplz to the style of writing I sampled a little bit in here. I don’t really know how to describe it, but if you’re familiar with her fics you’ll recognize it when you see it. Edit: She’s amazinggg and I love her please go read her fics if you haven’t!!

Warnings: At the bottom 👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿.

This is for all my lil cute ass black gorditas out there rockin back fat, belly rolls and thick ass thighs that touch!!  x Reader is always gon be black, chubby, and sassy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The early morning sunshine peeks through the blinds and into your bedroom, the warm rays caressing your cheek as you stir from your slumber.

You reach your arms out, stretching wildly and rolling around in the sheets for a moment, enjoying the soft cotton against your toes and the comfy fabric of the overlarge sweatshirt you’d slept in, quiet little moans escaping your lips as you sigh in content.

You’d slept amazing last night, finally getting a full nights rest after days of feeling restless and lethargic.  Every day you’d waited for the hours to tick by for the moment you could crawl back into your bed and try again.

You’d done everything you could think of to try and help; turned on the string lights and faux candles around your room for a subtle glow, lit your favorite lavender and vanilla scented candle to soothe your senses, even taking a luxurious bath routinely after work to relax your tired body.  Nothing seemed to be working the whole week, that is until Friday rolled around and he showed up.

Erik. The absolute love of your life.  He’d been swamped in work all week, unable to stop by and see you every night like he usually did.  He was over your place so often you almost wanted to ask why he didn’t just move in, but you didn’t want him to feel pressured into making a big decision like that based off your wants.

When the clock struck five on Friday evening he was finally free, and by 5:45 he was at your doorstop, a duffle packed with clothes for the weekend slung over his shoulder, and a bouquet of roses in his hand.  

You’d think by the way you’d enthusiastically hopped up into his arms and made him drop everything that you’d spent all night rolling around in those cotton sheets of yours, but you didn’t.

Instead, you’d spent it curled up in his lap, watching old reruns of Girlfriends while he massaged Tea Tree oil into your scalp, eventually drifting off into a deep sleep.

Last night was amazing.

Swinging your legs over the side of the bed, you tuck your feet into your house slippers and stand up to stretch your legs, hearing about five different joints pop and lock in protest.

Erik always begged you to go to a chiropractor to get that looked at, but you refused, arguing that it’d been normal for you ever since you were about 12.  Besides, why go to a chiropractor when he was the best back breaker in town you knew?

Wiping the sleep from your eyes, you wander out of the bedroom, your nose following the delicious scent of frying bacon and buttery biscuits just pulled from the oven.  You shuffle into the kitchen, seeing Erik over the skillet frying up an aromatic combination of veggies and meat for the omelettes he planned on making.

“Morning babygirl,” he calls to you over his shoulder, and you wonder how in the world he managed to hear you over all the noise he was making.

“Maybe if you didn’t drag your feet so much you’d actually be able to sneak up on a nigga one day.” He turns and looks at you, laughing at your scrunched up puzzled face at his comment.

You grunt off handedly, rolling your eyes and shuffling your ass on over to give him a good morning hug and kiss before standing off to the side to watch him cook.

You look over all the prepared food, basking in the intoxicating fumes of it all, and your stomach grumbles. More so in gas than in hunger.

“Uhh… who bout to eat all this?” you point a finger around at the spread, cocking an eyebrow.  

Erik had a huge appetite and could definitely eat about 3 servings all on his own, but you never ate anything before about 11:30 and he knew that. It was currently 8:00.

“Nah, you bout to eat some of this,” he answers, reading your mind again. “That not eating breakfast shit is not happening anymore. Go sit and wait for me.” He points with the spatula towards the dining table, already set up with plates and utensils.

You sigh, making your way on over to an empty chair like he’d ordered you.  While your nights rest was rejuvenating, you were not a morning person, and you didn’t have the energy to put up a fight.  Otherwise, you’d have oriented yourself in the direction of the bedroom and taken yourself right back to sleep, which would have probably resulted in you being dragged back anyway with a sore ass and your lips poked out.

You figured you’d pick the lesser of two evils and just go with it. What was he gonna do, force you to eat or something?

You plop down into the chair, making yourself comfortable and pouring some juice; apple for him and cran-pineapple for yourself.  It’s not long before Erik joins you at the table, setting a large plate with bacon, biscuits, a huge omelette and slices of fresh fruit around the edge.

He pulls out his own chair, leaving a significant amount of space between himself and the table.

“C’mere,” he motions you over with a couple fingers, patting his lap.

Already seeing where this was going, you sigh, ready to tell him that you were good with just juice.

“Look -”

“I asked you to come, I didn’t ask you to speak.  Bring your ass over here.”  He looks at you, unbothered, as your mouth drops open and your brows furrow.  

Meanie. He couldn’t just ask you like a normal person? He’s lucky you were in a cuddly mood, otherwise your verbal foot would be all up in his ass right now.

You push your chair out, grabbing your juice and semi stomping your way over to him. Fuck his apple juice.

He pulls you into his lap and takes your cup from you, putting it to his lips and drinking ALL OF IT, placing the empty cup onto the table.  

“Brat.”

You stare at the side of his face, trying to decide if you’ll be able to make a clean getaway to the bathroom if you smacked him in his shit right now and made a run for it.  

Before you could finish the thought, he shifts you in his lap, facing your body towards the table, his large frame hovering over you from behind.

Taking the fork and knife, he cuts a reasonably sized piece from the omelette, piercing it with the fork and holding it up to your mouth.  

“Open.”

OK. You were not about to be fed like a goddamn child, so this nigga can go on somewhere if he thought that was about to happen.

You didn’t even have a chance to react when he smacks you with an open palm hard on your exposed thigh, and your mouth opens wide in silent pain.  

Grabbing your jaw with one hand he gently places the food into your mouth, looking you into the eyes and daring you to spit it out.

You begrudgingly close your mouth, blowing a hard breath through your nostrils, chewing the food.  The entire time you stare daggers into his face, and he warns you that he’ll be smacking something else if you keep on staring at him like that.

You fix your face, finally swallowing the mouthful of food, and he pecks you on the lips, giving you a praise.

“Good girl.”

He repeats his actions with the knife and fork, aiming for the omelette again, and you grunt in protest, shaking your head.  He looks at you out the side of his eyes, waiting for your excuse, but instead you nod you head towards the back of the plate.

“The fruit? Please?” Your voice is small and sweet, and he complies, cutting a wedge of watermelon in half with his fork and feeding it to you.  If you were going to be forced to eat something this early, the least he could do was let you pick what you wanted.

This continues on and on, him joining in the feast too as he finishes most of the omelette and you the fruit, both of you sharing one of the biscuits and a piece of bacon together in comfortable silence.

Surprisingly, your stomach didn’t feel too full or upset, which was usually the response you’d get and why you never ate breakfast in the first place.  

If anything, you felt content and energized.  Perhaps a nice breakfast was just the thing you needed after a full nights rest.  

He’d poured some more juice in your cup and grabbed his own, sipping on it as his fingers played in the hair at the nape of your neck, your head resting on his shoulder and your legs spread out over his.

“How was your week, princess?” He asks you, and you can feel the deep timbre through his chest buzzing lightly on your own.  You snuggle into him more, moving impossibly closer and hugging his warm body tighter.

You look up at him, studying that gorgeous profile of his, eyes trailing over the soft angle of his jawline and the smile lines etched into the sides of his mouth, down to the soft tufts of hair around his chin you loved to scratch your fingers in.

All week this is what you’d been looking forward to, and it was finally here.

“It was perfect,” you tell him, and his eyes connect with yours, humming in satisfaction and leaning down to place a kiss onto your forehead.  

Your heart stutters in your chest, and you close your eyes and nuzzle your face into his neck, spending the rest of the morning wrapped up in each others arms and the feeling of your heart beat on top of his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warnings: Fluff, Humor

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Live-blogging The Hobbit

Since I said I’d talk about how much I love Bilbo.

Also, live-blogging might be a generous description. A report from the brim every few chapters, maybe.

Might be annoying to my current followers, but they’d do well to remember this is how I got most of them, even if the live-blogging was for a different fandom. 

Now, to start! The first two chapters!

An Unexpected Party

The very first page, with the description of Bag End, had me doing a lot of double takes, mostly because of things I already thought I knew because of, you know, osmosis, so it went a bit like:

 “the hobbit was fond of visitors” ????? Didn’t Bilbo use the One Ring specifically to avoid unwanted visitors? 

However big you thought Bag End was, you’ll have to guess again. The most generous illustration probably got the size wrong. It not only has multiple bedrooms (not enough for all of the dwarves, though), it has wardrobes (rooms dedicated to clothes), and kitchens, and dining rooms.

“most Bagginses were rich” Clearly the best use for their money would have been to redistribute it, but are you trying to tell me some of them weren’t and the rest just said it was none of their business?

The fact that the Bagginses are described as reliable/predictable and Bungo doesn’t get much personal description while Belladonna, of the Took clan, outstanding/odd, does get further insight into her place in her family and is described as both famous and remarkable? *kisses fingers like chef*

Like, up till now, the only description he personally gets is, like, “Bungo, that was Bilbo’s father, built the most luxurious hobbit-hole for her (and partly with her money)” and it’s still a description of Belladonna because the paragraph’s about her still, you can tell because, even though in the last sentence Bungo was the subject, Bilbo is still referred as “her” son.

Also fitting because Bilbo’s arc is about accepting his heritage from both parts of his family, and we’re about to get into how much of a Baggins he is, so extra emphasis into the Took side will be good for the next few chapters.

So, it says Gandalf last visited before the Old Took died, which was in S.R. 1320, when Bilbo was 30, a.k.a. 20 years before. While Gandalf is definitely remarkable enough, given the time lapse, I can forgive Bilbo for forgetting about his appearance. My reasons are that my own memory begins to get blurry about faces some five minutes after someone’s gone out of my sight.

“‘Good Morning!’ said Bilbo, and he meant it.” [to Gandalf]“‘All of them at once,” said Bilbo. “[...] If you have a pipe about you, sit down and have a fill of mine! [tobacco]’” and I’m going to skip a bit here, [to Dwalin] “‘I am just about to take tea; pray come and have some with me.’ A little stiff perhaps, but he meant it kindly.” Just... he’s so nice? Often in interpretations of the Shire and of Bilbo himself, when hobbits are nice it’s a matter of politeness for its own sake, as a ritual, but he’s so earnest? It’s really politeness as a kindness, as it should be. The only times this isn’t the case is when, after Gandalf reveals he’s looking for a fellow adventurer, when he just shit-talks adventures and looks at his mail hoping Gandalf will just go away instead of telling him himself... until he gets tired and does so. Then later when he gathers from Balin that a lot of people might be showing up and you can sense some reluctance in his decision to go without, and a focus on duty. And last as the night goes on and the dwarves keep being rude af. 

Also, I once saw someone wonder why Gandalf would mention Belladonna in the movie when he supposedly knew the Old Took, and someone said it was just to make the connection more direct, son->mother, instead of son->mother->grandfather. Well,

[Picture of my book, relevant quote: “To think that I should have lived to be good-morninged by Belladonna Took’s son; as if I was selling buttons at the door!”. End description]

Read ‘em and weep.

A funny thing about the book is the narration. It’s supposed to be Bilbo’s account, just compiled by Tolkien, right? So, Bilbo’s descriptions, meaning how he is described, are noteworthy. Admittedly, I don’t read autobiographies, so I don’t know what’s a common way to describe yourself in third person, but this narrator is kinda... distant from Bilbo? In that you don’t get the sense he’s writing the story. He’s at once roasted relentlessly and praised, mocked and defended. All in all it’s an affectionate voice, although one that feels the need to go “listen, I know how this all looks and that you doubt him now (and honestly? same), but he’s a pretty cool guy, once you get to know him.”

“Bless me, life used to be quite inter-- I mean, you used to upset things badly in these parts once upon a time.” Lmao

“Very amusing for me, very good for you” - Gandalf about sending Bilbo to his death.

Bilbo, to Gandalf: “Come tomorrow!”

Bilbo, to himself: “what”

Himself, to Bilbo: “I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing.”

Strange dwarf (with a blue beard?): *basically pushes his way into Bilbo’s house*. Bilbo: ............... wanna eat?

“The poor little hobbit sat down in the hall and put his head in his hands, and wondered what had happened, and what was going to happen, and whether they would all stay to supper.” Hero. Those are appropriate priorities. Meanwhile, there’s people waiting for him to open the door lmao.

*banging at Bag End’s door with a stick instead of ringing the bell* 

Bilbo: who’s the fucking beast.

“Bilbo sat on a stool by the fireside, nibbling at a biscuit (his appetite was quite taken away), trying to look as if this was all perfectly ordinary and not in the least an adventure.” They [the Valar] can’t see you if you don’t move.

I like how “Far Over the Misty Mountains Cold” is about both the gold and treasure and the sheer history, represented by song. Yes, the lyrics are mostly about the treasure, but the book itself says it can barely be called a song without the music. The dwarves’ work is talked about without equating it with their craft, but more as a cultural activity that builds identity, again, like songs. They’re mentioned both in the context of being sung deep in the mountain, only for dwarves ears. This comes to a head later, when the last line says “to win our harps and gold from him!” From this, I’ve reached the conclusion that dwarves don’t just want the Mountain for the economic benefits, but because of the sense of cultural identity, represented by songs and harps, that they lost along with Erebor. I’m sure this isn’t surprising in general, or a new reading of dwarves in general, or even a new reading of the song in particular, but I just wanted to put it out there.

I like how immersed in, well, everything Bilbo has been up to now. I get this feeling of constant movement in the inside from him. Every smoke ring fascinates him, and every suggestion of adventure appalls him, and everything that happens is the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to him, not (just) because of his (sometimes, this doesn’t happen that much) exaggerated reactions, but the time he takes to tell us his feelings and thoughts about things. 

Also, him being snapped out of his adventurous daze by a sudden fear for his home (comfort), A+ Baggins/Took conflict.

“I want these dwarves to think I could fuck someone up, which is made all the easier by my desire to fuck them up”

“As soon as I saw your funny faces in the door-step, I had my doubts.” Bilbo that’s racist.

Gandalf is like that meme of the driver who’s threatening to turn the car around because his children are being rowdy, only instead he insists he will not turn the car around no matter how much they beg.

I don’t know if this is the I’ve Watched The Movie Where He Was A Main Character Syndrome talking, but I’m feeling much more compassionate towards Thotin this time around.

I noticed what I’d written the moment I finished the word, but this is too fucking hilarious to correct.

Bilbo: “uhh, five feet high is pretty noticeable for a door”

Tolkien: you’ll have to forgive him, he was born with dumb bitch disease. The buffoon. The absolute animal.

Also, “He loved maps, and in his hall, there hung a large one of the Country Round with all his favourite walks marked in it with red ink.” In this house we love one (1) nerd.

Thorin: *bitches*

Bilbo: Not in my house. *bitches harder*

Thorin: you fucking hayseed.

Bilbo: prob, bob?

Roast Mutton

I commend Bilbo for actually going - if I had to run for 15 minutes they’d still be waiting for me.

Did Gandalf bring Bilbo an actual bag or did he just decide pipe weed and handkerchiefs were the only thing he’d need for a five month minimum journey.

If he has time to complain about it, he also has time to sew himself some clothes out of the kerchiefs ig

“[Gandalf] had eaten most, talked most, and laughed most. But now he was simply not there at all!” Gandalf you ass.

“Dwarves can make fire almost anywhere out of almost anything” this has so much comedic potential.

I relate to Bilbo because I always catch on to the fact that I’m supposed to be lying way too late.

Kinda reminds me of that post about the fae who’ve learned how to tell the truth in a very specific way so it will be misunderstood being flabbergasted by someone who just comes up to them and lies.

Bilbo: *is caught lying*

Trolls: 

Bill said burrahobbit rights!

Dwarves:

Gotta hand it to Tolkien, though, Bilbo does have dumb bitch disease.

I love how Sting is supposed to be just as special as Orcrist and Glamdring, yet the narration makes such a small deal of it. It’s clear from the start it’s of the same make as them because, although it’s not mentioned along with them at first (which makes sense, since it’s sheath’s not as pretty, Thorin and Gandalf’s taking of the swords isn’t even separated from Bilbo’s by a stop, just a semicolon, yet it doesn’t get a second though.

I like how in the movie it’s all Gandalf: “Imladris” Bilbo: *delighted gasp* “Rivendell” while in the book it’s Gandalf: “Rivendell” Bilbo: “Where’s that?” Gandalf: “Don’t interrupt!”

So that’s that! Don’t know if I should stick to doing it like this, every two or so chapters, or every chapter as soon as I finish, or try to do my impressions as I go and then publish them when I’m done, because this actually took me longer than I thought it would.

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

more trans ramblings (tramblings?) - to T or not to T, that is the question

so i’m writing this so i have some thoughts to show my therapist next week instead of scouring my brain for them but im posting it on the internet instead of keeping it in a word document or some shit cause i need some of y’all to relate and i’m already way too personal on here anyways. and also at this point this is my personal blog too, i’ve given up entirely on keeping it just for video games. tl;dr: please tell me i am not the only one with stupid amounts of doubt going against the stupid amounts of evidence that i am very transgender. 

tw: long post, doubts, testosterone/hrt effects discussed in detail, (don’t read this if you know me irl and haven’t personally talked with me about being trans? otherwise go ahead), nsfw cause we’re talking about genitals but mostly towards the end of the second to last paragraph (i’ll strike the nsfw stuff), mention of rape but no discussion of it happening, lemme know if i missed anything

so as my last transpost said im very excited for my hysto that im nowhere near getting but im flip-flopping as to whether or not i want to go on t. i know i can get it fairly quickly if i decide i do want it. there’s a trans health clinic in walking distance from where i am moving in 23 days, i have 3 therapists who will write me a letter of recommendation for testosterone, and my mother even found me the trans health clinic so she’ll try to find me somewhere else to go if they don’t take me in for some reason. (having a supportive mom is great i don’t miss her crying about how hard it is to have a trans kid in january and february.) and i’ve looked thoroughly at the effects of testosterone and have sorted them into pros, neutrals, and cons. (posting it here again mostly bc i need to do it but i also need some of yall to relate and/or validate me and/or answer my weird questions)

pros:

voice drop. im so tired of having a squeaky voice which is exacerbated by me always being anxious, and my sister has a deeper voice than me and always tries to sing ridiculously low parts to stretch it for some reason which makes me feel insecure. and apparently my voice is “always squeaky” according to my dad and like? shit man i pass until i talk that’s just the tea. 

i dont even care if i have a super deep voice, i actually think i’d rather be a solid tenor because that’s the vocal range of most of my favorite songs, but i want to sound like a man when i talk and not an 8 year old girl

side note apparently a lot of trans guys have male “internal voices” but mine just sounds like how i sound when i talk because i’m a very literal person and that’s why it took me forever to figure out i was trans and not having a male internal voice makes me dysphoric sometimes and even doubt that i’m trans at all... that’s dumb af i know it’s just my literal personality type not me actually being a girl

more muscle. i dont work out as it is right now but if i knew i’d see results the way i want them then i probably would. also im getting ripped during the school year anyways bc i walk everywhere with a 15-20 pound backpack strapped to me so i’m at least gonna look semi muscular which is what i want anyways. please give me strength quite literally i can barely lift bro

bottom growth. ik it’s still not going to be ~enough~ or whatever but i’d have... something? that would be nice. 

side note would packers start to be uncomfortable with something there bc i wonder about that sometimes. not that mine is super uncomfortable now or anything (i just haven’t figured out how to make it sit right) but i wonder about that

NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS

if im one of those guys whose periods dont stop on t i am actually going to perform a hysto on myself

fat shifting from hips, thighs and butt to my stomach. i don’t care if i have stomach chub or not, but i DO care that my hips are Like That and my things are Really Girly and i have a fucking Girl Butt TM like please just let me Not Have These Problems

having a more angular face. doesn’t happen to everyone per se but because of my facial structure as it is and also what my dad looked like when he was my age, i probably will get this change. i have actively wished for this since i was 13 and didn’t even know dysphoria was a word. hopefully it makes my lips a little thinner too or at least more masculine.

veins becoming more prominent. i have this one pic of me where it looks like i have Guy Arms and i just wanna look like that all the time ya know

lookin like a dude and passing? that counts right

neutrals:

facial hair. i know a lot of trans guys want this but i’ve never wanted one. i just want a jawline to cut a bitch tbh i’m never having more than stubble except the beard imma wear to my high school reunion

body hair. this is more of a pro-neutral ig bc i want it on my arms and legs but would prefer not to have a lot on my chest and stomach. fortunately i dont think my dad has a whole lot but i’m a pretty hairy afab person as it is i just dont wanna be a werewolf lmao

hair loss at temples. i just don’t care about my hairline enough for this to really bother me. maybe i will when it happens but *shrug*

scents of sweat/bo/urine changing? idk i feel like it will be weird, maybe gross if it turns out bad but honestly i don’t really care what i smell like as long as i don’t smell like a dumpster fire? i shower it’s fine lmao

rougher skin? i dont know if i’d like having rougher skin but i also dont like being an uwu soft boi so

acne. nobody wants it but like... i already have stress-acne right now and don’t really give a shit because i hate how my face looks anyways. not that i want a fuckton of acne because nobody does but im not gonna cry myself to sleep over it ya feel? it’s an annoyance but not really a con

cons:

increase in sex drive. not to be nsfw but masturbating is a chore as it is. it hasn’t been fun since i realized i had crippling bottom dysphoria and even then i can’t get off unless i’m completely distracted from my body (either through porn or being too tired to care). also i have like a 2% chance of ever having a partner so i really dont wanna have to deal with having the sex drive of a 12 year old boy when im 19, single, depressed, and dysphoric. im not even asexual but this is the worst con

emotional changes. yall know at this point i dont have the best temper, and i dont want t to exacerbate that. now, some of my friends have said that t has made them much calmer and actually less irritable, but the rest of my friends said t makes them angry. i have poor anger management and i know it. i don’t need it made worse. it’ll fuck my life up for real

increase in appetite. listen i have gastritis, ibs and acid reflux i cannot afford to be needing to eat more than i currently do

so as yall can see i have a fair number of all 3: 8 pros, 6 neutrals, and 3 cons. and what’s more, all of the cons are things that don’t have anything to do with my appearance (which my therapist and i noticed during our session a couple weeks ago and really made me think i should go on t). so then the answer should be clear: i should go on t, right? deal with having a fucked high sex drive and be pissed off because of it but finally be able to see my reflection in the mirror. so it should be obvious. what the hell am i waiting for?

the main reason i’m hesitant is i’m afraid i’ll want to detransition. even though i KNOW it rarely happens and the women who do thought they were trans because of unaddressed traumas relating to being female or have a personality disorder. i have neither of those things: the only female-related trauma i have is being slut shamed by my mom for wearing tank tops and any shirt that wasn’t a crew neck and one guy saying he’d rape me in 9th grade because he thought rape and sex were the same thing (for his sake i hope he’s grown the fuck up!! i’m not traumatized from this i just made my teacher not let him sit next to me in class and told him to stop talking to me. sadly this is the most sexual attention i’ve ever gotten), and the only mental illnesses i have are depression and anxiety (unless we’re counting dysphoria, which i definitely have). i also sometimes feel like i discovered it too late: i didn’t say “i’m not a girl” until i was 14, refused to explore my gender until i was 17, and didn’t fully accept i was trans until i was 18. and other dumb shit: i never tried to pee standing up so im not really trans even though i didn’t know what a penis was until i was like 9, ive caught myself twice recently wishing for longer hair which made me feel feminine and gross and dysphoric (even though i know hair length =/= gender??), and im not in danger of suicide if i don’t get testosterone and top surgery RiGhT nOw. the prospect of me detransitioning isn’t likely, when you look at all the facts, but the prospect makes me anxious because everything makes me anxious. i am the poster boy for anxiety. and yes, i know i would have said that even when i accepted that i was technically the poster girl but i would have said poster boy anyways because it was “gender neutral” and didn’t rub me the wrong way like poster girl would have. same reason i insisted on being a dude instead of dudette and only described myself with words that didn’t have a female equivalent in french class even if it wasn’t true. so what the hell am i waiting for.

like i know i shouldn’t be doubting at this point because it’s so, so obvious that i’m trans. just because i didn’t try to pee standing up when i was little or ask why i didn’t have a penis doesn’t mean i’m not a guy. i logically know this. like when i was 11 and i insisted to myself i had a male brain but knew i shouldn’t say that out loud because that was weird and i wanted to be a normal girl who didn’t have a weird male brain, and when i was 7 and at my friend sarah’s house and her room was super pink and girly and i literally thought the sentence “is this what i’m supposed to be like?” and when i was 14 and cut my hair into the Typical Queer Girl Pixie Cut and my hair was just??? gone like i wanted it to be when i was 9 and ended up with a bowl cut instead, and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking i looked like an owl when i was 9 i smiled at how “androgynous” (masculine) i looked, and when i was 11 and only hung out with boys at summer camp and they treated me like one of them and the girls were really mean to me but it was the best summer i’d ever had, and when i was 15 and my friend chris joked that i was the “guy” in my lesbian relationship and i was so fucking happy, and when i was 15 and starving myself because i loved my “angular” figure and jaw,  and when i was 16 and wearing a dress to winter formal because my ex met me in one and i wanted to be cute for him but i picked the dress that looked like a suit because it looked very “queer” (masculine), and when i was 14 and literally went “hmmm im gonna bind my chest just because i wanna know what it would look like” and it made me so euphoric and i knew in that instant i wasn’t a girl but repressed it for 3+ years because dealing with it would just be too hard, and when i was 11 and knew it was going to be my last day going to school without a bra on and just being so ashamed even though i wanted breasts so i’d be a normal girl, and when i was 16 and wearing that backwards snapback all the time and my friend said it was what tops did and i was so happy that nobody would consider me a bottom or whatever stupid shit because i couldn’t imagine myself being penetrated ever in my cisgender gay life, and when i was 16-17 and scouring the lesbian section of pornhub for pov/strap-on videos bc i wanted to know what it would look like to fuck a girl with a dick without watching straight porn because i’m 100% a gay female because the word lesbian is too girly im not a trans guy or anything haha, and when i was 14-and-onwards wondering why it felt so empty between my legs and why it felt like i was supposed to have a dick lmao im totally a girl though haha, and when i was 15 and had to google how to masturbate bc i couldn’t figure it out naturally and still felt like i was doing it wrong, and when i was 15 and looked at my vagina in the pocket mirror i got from selling like 30 boxes of girl scout cookies in 2007 and my first thought was “that is not my body,” and when i was 16 and actually very upset that i couldn’t ejaculate when i orgasmed. trans who? what the fucking hell am i waiting for

seriously. i was 7 and looking at my 2nd grade yearbook photo thinking “that doesn’t look like me,” and i was 13 and looking in the mirror saying “that doesn’t look like me,” and i went through all of my adolescence waiting for “puberty to turn me into a girl” and then i was 17 and done with puberty and crying because my body was still wrong. i can’t believe how hard i tried throughout my whole adolescence to be some facet of “normal girl” so i wouldn’t get bullied and be dateless forever and thinking “puberty hasn’t turned me into a girl yet” and not stopping to think about what i was if i wasn’t a girl until puberty was done, i realized it wasn’t going to happen, and it was too damn late for me. now i’m 19 and don’t leave the house without either a binder or a sports bra/baggy layers combo and i’d wear my packer everywhere if i could figure out how to get it to sit right (and also get it past my parents lmao).  like if anyone else rattled off that list of trans shit i wouldn’t question them for a second. but because it’s me and i’m like “what if i’m transwashing my memories? what if i’m gaslighting myself?” i’m still not on testosterone and please validate me. tell me other trans people doubt themselves, no matter how obvious it is that they’re trans. tell me it’s okay to doubt hrt, even though you know it will be so much more likely to help you. tell me it’s okay to be afraid of detransitioning, even though it’s okay if i DO decide to detransition and it’s so unlikely anyways considering all the evidence of Me Not Being A Fucking Girl.

if you read this all the way to the end here’s an awkward hug and some brain bleach im not even drunk or high i can’t even blame substances for this behavior