#even the books that i'm currently reading and loving i feel unable to finish

[bethegaycowboy]

i have read next to nothing this year and, while i am trying not to feel too angsty about it because I KNOW that there will always be years where i read more compared to others and i know that reading habits fluctuate, i still do feel a bit angsty... mostly because there is so much i want to read (literally dozens of books on my bookshelf ready to be read & quite literally hundreds of books on my TBR) and it’s frustrating that i feel unable to pick them up :(

[plussizefantasia]

More Body, More Money

Anthony Bridgerton x wife!reader

Word Count: 1.1k

warnings: Allusion to smut towards the end, references to a female body and that body being bigger

an: holy shit sorry for disappearing for so long. I make no promises as to when I'll come back as I seem to have a habit of breaking those. I've been in a Bridgerton mood recently though and typed this on my phone in like an hour so no promises that it's all that good. I will say though that I've been working on a request recently and it's currently at 4k and counting which is by far the longest fic I've ever written and I'm not even to the good part yet. I've also finished outlining the rest of the parts for my Kili x reader fic. I think that's it though, thanks for reading this far if you did and for putting up with my bs.

“Darling, could you come here a moment?” Your husband called from his desk. Recently you had taken to reading while lounging on the couch in his study. It was a great way to spend time with your busy husband while also letting him get his work done. 

You didn’t exactly know what he was working on at the moment but apparently, your presence was needed to solve whatever issue he had stumbled upon. It wasn’t until you got closer to his desk that you noticed the receipts and ledgers sprawled across his desk. He was updating the families' books and tracking the spending that you and the rest of his family had done that month. 

“Yes, my love?” You moved to rest your hand on his back and traced it across his shoulders and on his neck. It was as if you two were magnets, unable to keep apart for very long. If you were close enough then you would feel your hands gravitating towards him. And if the way his arm moved to rest on your back as well, he had the same urges when in proximity to you. 

“I’ve noticed something odd in the charges from the modiste.” Anthony handed you the papers. Both you and Eloise had gone to the modiste at the beginning of the month to be fitted for some new gowns to prepare for her second season in the marriage mart and your first season as the Viscountess. 

“I’ll admit to not being the most knowledgeable about gowns and other frivolities my love, but is it normal for the cost difference to be this large? I mean when Ben and I get new suits the price is almost always similar.” He pointed to the two prices listed on the bill from Madame Delacroix. 

You didn’t know how to respond to this, you knew the reason behind the price difference between yours and Elioises dresses, of course, it was something that you had thought of already. After all, it was the same reason that your younger sister always got more gowns than you every season that the two of you attended growing up. You were larger, and as the modiste you had gone to grow up with had said “More body means more fabric means more money.” more money that your father had deemed unnecessary so you had only ever gotten one or two new dresses while your sister would be fitted for five or six of the newest and most flattering styles.

But how could you explain this to Anthony? That your dresses cost more than his sisters because you were bigger, and that meant more money.

You knew Anthony loved your body, he worshiped it often in fact but there was a difference between getting lost in the softness of your embrace and seeing the real-life sometimes the financial consequences of living in a bigger body.

“Oh, Anthony, it is uh- just a matter of resources I suppose.” 

He raised a brow at you. “I’m not sure I understand. What do you mean by resources?”

“Well dear husband, you and your brother are very similar in height and build which means the two of you have very similar resource usage, whereas myself and your sister are quite different in the… resource usage department.”

“My love, I need you to speak to me as if I am an idiot.” 

You deeply sighed and prepared yourself to have the conversation that you had been trying and failing to get out of. “Eloise is small, therefore it does not take as much fabric to make her dresses, whereas I am quite well endowed and my dresses require more material. More body means more fabric means more money it is as simple as that.” 

“That is preposterous, are you both not getting dresses?” His tone was getting more defensive, and it warmed your heart to know that he was willing to get upset at the simple fact that Madame Delacroix had charged you more because your dress was bigger. You had expected him to be embarrassed, and deep down somewhat afraid that he would realize that he had signed himself up for these extra expenses for the rest of his life by marrying you. 

“Well darling, think about it, would you expect to pay the same amount for a child as you would for yourself? Do you not pay more for your suits than you do Greg’s?”

“No, I see your point darling.”

“That is all this is my love, different sizes of clothing cost different amounts. If it is a problem I can just see about getting some of my old gowns altered to make them somewhat nicer for the new season, that way you would not have to spend as much.”

“What? No. Darling, this is not about the money, I was merely worried that that woman had tried to take advantage of you, charging you far more than Eloise for the same thing. I couldn’t care less about the money. In fact, I think you should get ten more gowns made, show everyone in the Ton that I am married to the most voluptuous, sensual, and desirable woman in the world.” He pulled you closer to him so that you were standing in between his spread knees, you still standing over him as he leaned back in his chair.

Anthony began training kisses up and down the arm that he had grasped within his hand. Turning your wrist over so that he could place one at the center of your palm. 

“I do not need ten new gowns, Anthony, that is far too much.” You giggled and protested, feeling more enamored with the man you married with every word out of his mouth.

“Perhaps I shall buy you ten diamond necklaces then so that I can have an excuse to stare at your chest as often as I’d like.” You snorted and gently smacked the back of his head. “Anthony Bridgerton, that is scandalous talk and you know it.”

“Nothing is scandalous between husband and wife, especially when the two are alone.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you and lifted the corners of his lips into a sultry grin, one that had your knees feeling weaker by the second. 

“All I really need, dear husband, is you.”

A smile that you could only consider adoring spread across your husband's face.

“And I you, my love.”

“No Anthony, I need you.”

His grin turned to a full-blown smirk spreading across his face, “Well, what the Viscountess needs she gets…” 

;)

[chosos-mascara]

all my love, suguru

chapter 5

summary: after an unexpected night spent with your close friend, you find yourself pregnant, and unable to tell him so. will you be able to come to terms with this news, or will it destroy the delicate relationship you’d had left?

chapter warnings: mentions of declining mental health (suguru), general angst, secret pregnancy/child

masterlist

⋆₊⋆⋆₊⋆⋆₊⋆⋆₊⋆⋆₊⋆

30 months before

"I have something I wanted to talk to you about." You're watching him at his desk as you walk into his classroom, closing the door meekly behind you. The sickness coupled with this anxiety is overwhelming; exhausting. You're roughly ten weeks along, your first scan recently booked for two weeks time, all while Suguru is none the wiser to your current condition.

He's grading papers from a recent mock exam, and it's apparent he's much more interested in the stacks before him than you as his eyes barely rise, the red marker still between his fingers. You sigh. "Suguru, did you hear me?" He looks up from the reports, bags dark beneath his eyes. You pause in your actions as you mull over his expression. "Are you okay?" There's that concern you had for him that night, back again. You wonder if he realises that, too. Or perhaps you were only procrastinating by creating some sort of conversation, though it's better to open with something like this, isn't it?

"Sorry, what's up?" Suguru acts casual, but he can't deny that your visit is just adding to the mounds of stress he feels in this moment. He doesn't have the energy to pour into conversation, he can barely read these student's scrawny handwriting. "I was wondering if we could talk?" You begin to walk closer with some hesitance, stopping at his desk. He looks up at you, and finally puts that pen down.

"What about?" He's nervous. "Well, I just..." You trail off, your chest heavy. Your hands are shaking, even with one placed over the other. They're clammy, and god, you feel so sick. "That night, when we..." Again, you're not able to finish your sentence, instead averting your gaze to the wall and swallowing. "Listen," Suguru stands, and when you look back to him, you frown. "I don't think we should pursue anything." 

You stand in silence for a few moments; he's completely missed the mark. Raising your hands, you shake your head, trying to gesture to him that this wasn't what you'd intended, but it's lost on him when he continues.

"It was a misjudgement, I didn't consider how this could impact our lives, and for that I apologise." You stare wide eyed. You couldn't tell him how yes, this really has impacted your life, because you realise now how wrong this would go. This truly was a secret you'd have to bring to the grave, because you're sure he'd never speak to you again either way.

"You're right, I'm sorry." It's weak, and all you manage to push out.

Suguru feels reams of guilt when he watches your head bow, hearing quiet, defeated words from your lips. He's lying to himself if he truly believes this is for the best, because no one makes him feel quite how you do.

He replays that memory most nights, wondering if he should have given you a chance - he didn't even let you get a word out before he was pushing you away. He spent years wishing he'd done something different, wondering if anything would change if only he'd had opportunity to speak to you again.

He thinks of that memory when he's walking to Yaga's office, opening the door to be met with you.

Suguru thinks he's finally lost it, because why, after two and a half years would you be here, sitting at Yaga's desk like you'd never really left? His hands are brought upward to rub into his eyes, and he blinks once, twice, squeezing them closed before finally focusing back upon your seated frame. You're definitely there, you're definitely real. 

Suguru hadn't even noticed the child sat to your left until moments later, a small doll between her hands, her hair worn in a short ponytail. He doesn't linger over her presence for long though, because he's drawn back to you.

The door had clicked open moments ago and you had prepared yourself for Suguru's berating, though seconds tick by, and no words come. You're still sat in silence beside your daughter and opposite your old boss after a minute's pass, still an empty seat at your right. You know he's shocked by his hesitance to enter, but the suspense is only twisting the knife embedded into you upon his entry. In this limbo, you're left to ruminate on every doubt that had grown over the past few years, on every bad decision you've made leading up to now. 

Finally, after a minute or so of deliberating, Suguru decides to discern the reason for this meeting, and uses his curiosity as encouragement to come and sit in that empty chair.

You've no alleviation from his stare even when he's seated. He's taking you in, the new you, the mature you, still contemplating his sanity as he wonders if you're just a fragment of his madness. There's still an internal struggle while he wonders why you're here, and what this could possibly have to do with him. Suguru does manage to voice a few words through his turmoil, ever downplaying his mental state with his relaxed tone. 

"I thought you left jujutsu society?" 

His voice still feels like honey in your ears, his presence beside you causing your skin to prickle with cold, goosebumps breaking the surface. Eyes that had been glued to Yaga's desk finally lift, and you turn your head to face him after all of this time. Brown eyes greet you, purple bags weighing the skin down. The glint of hope that Suguru could forgive you begins to ebb, your lips tightening. 

"I did." Your answer rings true, at least. Your eyes falter when you can't take his gaze any longer, instead averting to sit at his lips, then shoulders. He looks the same as always, but his aura feels different. There's sombreness to him now, and you blame yourself for leaving. 

"Should we begin?" Yaga clears his throat uncomfortably, and you're reminded of his presence. You nod with deep reluctance, removing your sight from the man that still holds a place in your heart. "Geto," Yaga begins, and you focus on your breaths. This is it, it's really happening. "You're being assigned a special case; a new student." He gestures toward your Keiko, and Suguru leans forward so he can look past you, his emotionless expression interrupted by disgust. 

"She's a toddler?" His disapproval is thick. "Yaga, are you insane?" Suguru remembers the last person assigned to his care, and her untimely death. This was no world for a child, it was barely a world for him, either. Everyone seems to get on with their lives after witnessing tragedies, and he still doesn't understand how. He has never been left unscathed by the things he's seen, but he's sure to handle those massacres better than a child who would stand at his knee's height. 

Yaga peers to you behind his glasses, and you can feel the luxury of your silence ending. 

"She's at risk if she doesn't learn to harness her cursed energy." You speak, praying for his compliance. "I don't want her to get hurt, Suguru." 

Suguru stares at your expression, looking up, and down as he processes your words among the many racing thoughts he houses. Who was this child to you, why would you care? But after all these years he's brewed upon his actions, paired with the fact he can stare into you and see nothing but kindness and care, his objection merges into something else. 

He doesn't speak, but he doesn't have to, because you've already seen it on his face. He'll help. 

"Thank you." Your words of gratitude are genuine, and they're spoken to him with care. It feels a bit like you're the only two people in the room, studying the other with a sense of longing. He swallows back the old feelings that are trying to push through, and turns to face Yaga once more.

Throughout this meeting Suguru glances to that girl, a question pushing the back of his mind. Who was she to you?

Keiko's in bed when he knocks. At first, you're spooked by the sound and your cursed energy is focused into your fist, though looking through the peephole eases your fears. Your flame dissipates, and you open, not sure what to expect from your night-time visitor.

"What're you doing here?" There's a small dip in your voice. "It's late." You try and mask your unease, though he's able to read you like a book.

"That evening, before you left - what were you going to tell me?" 

When you look closer you realise Suguru's hair is loose, strays floating out from his bun, a redness at his ears from where he'd been toying with the lobes. It doesn't take you long to realise what he's referencing, and you open the door wider. You have to accept your fate, that it's now, or never. "Come, take a seat." 

Those are words Suguru didn't want to hear. Since your meeting, he's been asking himself the same question, who is this child? And why should Suguru of all people be summoned to teach her, when he's sure Satoru would've not only volunteered himself, but been better at the job in every way? 

Then he thought about her hair colour, and how he didn't get to catch her face. The timelines, the fact she's staying with you - the pregnancy test. He kicks himself for not questioning you at the time, and for dwelling over these surely disconnected details, until he thought to that afternoon, when he shut you down with haste. He thought about your body language, and how stupid he was to assume that's what you were going to suggest, how self centred he'd been the entire time. 

He sits down quickly with his heart feeling about to leap out of his mouth, a warmth coddling his ears. 

"A few weeks after we slept together, I realised I was late." You start from the beginning as you stand opposite him. You can't look at his face, arms crossed, you stare at his feet. "I wanted to tell you that evening, but you made it clear you didn't want anything else, and I got cold feet." 

His anxiety fades, morphing into a feeling he can't quite place his finger on. It might be that in this moment, Suguru can truly say he's experiencing heartbreak, and the repercussions of his own actions. If he'd have just checked up on you, things would've gone so differently.  "I have a child?" He speaks slowly, unsure of himself. It doesn't feel like it's sinking in, those words don't feel as if they are describing his own life.

"She's yours." Your confirmation sends prickles over his skin. Your things are still mostly in boxes, though there's a photo you've already set out beside the TV, one that you pick up and hand to him. It's you and Keiko, taken on her 2nd birthday. You'd had to celebrate alone, but you decorate anyway, a big '2' balloon within the background. She's smiling, her baby teeth showing while cuddled into your side. It'd taken a while to get a good photo with her, standing your phone on the couch and using the timer function, though after a few you had come out with this one. It was perfect. 

Suguru holds the frame between his fingers, looking at the little girl beside you. She looked a lot like him, the same eyes, the same shade of hair, but she housed your smile. Tears clouded his vision as he wonders how he's missed out on two years with someone he should've been there for, he's missed so much already. 

"Why did you come here?" Suguru asks, a warmth rolling over his cheek.  "She inherited your technique." You swallow. "A few weeks ago, we came into contact with a curse, but before I was able to exercise it, she ingested it, just like you. A few days after that, she was witnessed by a grade three, and we were called upon by the higher-ups." 

"I never wanted this for her, Suguru. I just wanted to watch her grow through normal means - I know it was a lot to wish for, but she's my baby. I can't bare to picture her dead in some ditch after they rinse her of everything she has." 

"I'll refuse to teach her." He's desperate through his tears, mind racing. "Then they'll just find someone else. There's really no point, unless you're really adverse."

"Why couldn't you have just told me?" He talks as if his words are sapping his lifeforce, and you only watch as he slumps forward, heartbroken and confused. That guilty feeling has hit a new high. "Same reason you shut me out after that night - I was scared, and decided it was better to leave than to face what we did." It's wrong to defend your actions, they should be unforgivable. But, Suguru doesn't seem to put much energy into his disgust with you, because he's just too upset. "I've missed out on two years of my child's life, that's not the same." His hands shake, whether it's rage or distress, he can't tell.

"I'm so sorry." You bow your head, ashamed. "I was so scared, please forgive me." Suguru looks up at you, a heavy breath on his lips. It's not as if you hadn't tried to tell him; he'd practically shunned you. It wasn't fair to give you all the blame, even if it would save his sanity. "Do you wanna meet her?"

"Keiko, baby." She's clutching a small bear against her chest when she walks through the door, rubbing her eyes. The small girl's brown hair is a little messy, and she's still in a pair of cutesy pink pyjamas. "I want you to meet someone." You voice to her slowly while holding her little hand, your heart racing. There's no textbook answer when it comes to difficult parenting decisions, and uncomfortable situations. How do you tell a two year old they have a father in which they've never met?

Suguru's reluctant to look at the doorway when he hears you two coming through. This is the biggest moment of his life, meeting his child, his heartrate reflects this in it's unforgiving pace, his breaths leaving him before he's ready to breathe back in. He'll have to count down, he thinks, to force himself to look at his kin - there's no way he can surely meet her eye otherwise. Five seconds and he'll look, four now. Three, and he's sweating, shaking at two, swallowing harshly before he counts one, eyes forced from their spot over the floorboards to flicker up at the little girl standing at her mother's side.

God, it feels like nothing on this planet has ever mattered to Suguru, because in those brown eyes, there's so much innocence. He can feel his heart melt as he recognises so much of himself in her, his DNA, used to build such a perfect daughter with the cutest version of his character. Her huge, wide eyes, cute roundish nose - but her lips are all you. 

This child is a part of him he didn't know existed, a jigsaw piece melded to fit right within his chest. There's some kind of primal urge to protect her at all costs, to hold her closely, which is why Suguru finds himself at his knees with open arms in search of her comfort, to have his forbearing body embraced by his entire world. A child he'd never known is suddenly the key to his happiness, because she is everything he isn't.

"Hi." He wants to say more, yet a million words couldn't describe how he feels. Suguru can't decide on what to say, so instead settles with that small greeting. She smiles at him nonetheless, and you watch as his eyes soften, a smile over his lips.  "Hello." Her voice is small, much like her stature, and she's still sleepy. Suguru puts a hand over her shoulder, and you find yourself overcome with a grin you can't hide. Despite your anxieties, you know Suguru will love her as much as you do.

"Remember I told you about your daddy? This is him." You're gentle, and you're not sure she'll understand entirely, only seeing that family dynamic on films and tv shows. You'd told her a few times she has a daddy, though she's never seemed all too interested beyond that confirmation. Though she stares at him wide eyed, a smile growing over her cheeks. 

"Daddy!" She repeats, and Suguru has to stop himself from breaking apart at that name. When he'd felt hopeless, weak and depressive, so many times he wondered if his existence would ever improve. Whether he'll be anything more than a sorcerer for jujutsu society to rinse, toss into battle and bury when things grew too difficult. He's grown to be Satoru's friend and not much more.

But with this child before him, he sees some form of light. There's a reason for him to keep going, because he doesn't want his girl to feel anything he's endured. He looks to you for the first time since laying his eyes on her, to your watery eyes, and his heart feels disgustingly full. This is what he's been missing out on. 

a/n: sooo this is it. i hope it met your expectations, honestly i really wanted to put more into this ending and i feel i could've done better, but life has been such a whirlwind as of late. i think this is the last post i'll make before finding myself on a hiatus, so think of this fic as a semi-good-bye. thank you so much for all of the love i have received, it truly means the world!

tags-

 @hojoslutoru  @itztamar @magey0412 @strflp  @kaeyakaikai @animeisforkings @emikisses @boredwithwrath @karazorel7 @tomiokasecretlover @mrsoharaa @magey0412 @thisbicc @aemiliabruno @zenys @sukunaspillow @caixgee @ssetsuka @pinkpunkdynamite @harlamarie @cephei-ea @dazailover1900

[lunchtimebedamned1997]

Harrow the Ninth real-time reading thoughts + GTN character concept doodles (pt. 1)

| Here | Part two |

Please no spoilers for chapters after #6! (or for book 3... obviously)

Someone on my Gideon concept art post (I've since checked, it was @samgemrus) said they'd like to hear more of my thoughts as I read HTN, so I thought I'd indulge, since I do love a good yap XD

Let's start with the book one stuff! Art! Wanted to draw Palemedes and Camilla next bc they're my babies I adore them!!! (Speedpaint under the cut!)

I don't know why I imagine some characters the way I do but here we are, Cam with the wrong hair and Sextus with what is probably (?) too pretty of a face. I tend to imagine characters I like the personality of to be more personally aesthetically pleasing lmao I do not remember if this man's attractiveness was described or not the main character is so gay and i'm bi so idk... I guess everyone gets to be pretty XD

(Also you might peep the note in the upper left, I'll put the spoilers I got while finishing up the art at the very bottom of the post so that you can avoid them if you wish to!!)

Alright, that's book one housekeeping, let's move on to book two! thoughts and rambles and theories abound from the beginning-chapter six!

Okay! So! The second-person perspective! I still don't like it! But my discomfort with the format aids the story well, and it's been interesting to have dreams of Harrow's being written in third person along the lines of the previous book. I find that it gives off the sense that Harrow only feels moored (even by falsehoods) when she is removed from the truth of her current reality. By using the pronoun 'you' to guide the bulk of the story thus far, it leads the reader to be faced directly with Harrow's discomfort, confusion, and aching wrongness. We are the voice deep inside of her that is screaming for things to be righted and to make different choices as she fumbles along without hearing us at all.

Never would I have guessed in my journey though the GTN that Ianthe Tridentarius was going to be in any way largely important. Let alone that we'd have to spend so much time with that miserable woman.

I imagine that Harrow's false memories/delusions, that her 'forgetfulness' around and about Gideon, is for her own sanity; and perhaps is even an attempt to stop them from merging completely into Lyctor. Some play by Harrow as we once knew her, to try and save Gideon or herself - or them both.

God is weird.

God is... hm. I - he's unsettled me to be honest, but perhaps I'm just scarred by the Dumbledore-type. The ones that seem kindly and wise in their age and appearance of relative normalcy (/averageness). I can't help but feel as though he is somehow secretly very awful. The creation of his power - the way the galaxy died and these monsters were created... surely he must have been some kind of desperate as a mortal man. A man from our time. Wouldn't he be? A man who was... what? Grappling for power? To try and save anything he could? To save someone he loved? To stop someone... he loved? There is the locked tomb to consider. Since we discovered the process of becoming a Lyctor, I couldn't help but suspect, that with sword in hand, that perhaps this girl in the ice is not a lyctor but a Cavalier?

I'm not entirely sure of my reason for thinking that. Some sort of gut sense. 'God' seemed to know exactly what would happen to Harrow if he separated (or attempted to separate) Gideon and Harrow's now-entwined souls. Maybe he'd done it to himself? Maybe the reason he'd be unable to stop her if she reawakened would be because then they would be truly separate and broken? Like - perhaps he's still siphoning from her even now?

Maybe - maybe she's just a body. Maybe her soul is still entwined with his (if I'm even right that those two are connected in this way) and if you were to awaken the body... perhaps it would rend God apart in some unfixable way? Re-seperate the souls? Reverse whatever process granted him his power...

And why does he have more power than a Lyctor? Was he man to begin with at all? Or something else that gave up godhood and then returned to it? I'm excited and terrified to know.

We still no nothing of this other, more ancient Gideon. The one mentioned on the scrap of flimsy in GTN, the one Gideon's mother's body screamed out endlessly upon being called back from the dead.

For a while I thought Gideon must surely be our Gideon's fath- oh - ohhh my GOD is - is 'God' Gideon's father?! Is 'God' that ancient Gideon?! Because - oh fuck - because Gideon - our Gideon, she didn't die from the poison that brought fourth the power for Harrow's conception. Gideon didn't die when Harrow siphioned her for the trial with the box! Didn't someone expressly mention in book one that it seemed impossible that Gideon was alright - Camilla, wasn't it? That Gideon wasn't just alright, but that apart from being tired (and traumatized af lmao) she was completely healthy?!

God also chasitised Mercy for not wanting to share her name with her new sisters (also, I'm assuming 'sister is a religeous endearment like nuns or smth, but if not, marked that as - you know, no. either way mark that down as I'm uncomfy XD) and yet, we don't get to know his name. Most people wouldn't think to ask the name of 'God' would they. A man of a thousand epithets - but surely he has some 'true name' as he phrased it before, right?

Holy fucking fuck. Am I on the right track?! DON'T ANSWER THAT XD

I still don't know how (our) Gideon's mother would have made it to the here-and-now, or... unless she wasn't old? Unless she wasn't from then... Maybe she just worked closely with them on the ship? The ship... the ship he (god) feels sorrowful to leave as if it holds some kind of significant memory? Fuck there's so many loose ends, and I've probably tangled all the wrong threads but... holy fuck, that would be interesting wouldn't it?

Also Mercy is deeply annoying so far XD

Here's the Pam and Cam speedpaint to finish this very long red-string post up XD (Also don't ask how I'm drawing so many concepts this fast bc idk - it's probably the neurodivergencies and the fact that they're sketches lmao)

I wanted to give Cam scars, but I have a feeling girly is about to go through a LOT more bs and I wanna wait until I know more of what she's been through before I decide what scars to give her :3

THE SPOILERS (?) I GOT:

Apparently, Gideon's father's name is John (boring) and Cam gets murdered?! (SAD!!!!) I think I got other ones as well, but IDK if it's just small details I missed/forgot from book one or if some resurrection shenanigans are gonna happen with a couple people from the book one cast??? (Particularly Sextus??? Probably not tho lmao)

[inkedinshadows]

Hello lovely people! 🌸

(snippet of fanfic at the end)

Hi everyone! I'm not exactly new here, but I've never really posted anything before. I lurked in the dark, sometimes appearing in someone's comments, but mainly silently devouring fanfic for Azriel because I'm such a sucker for our shadowsinger 🖤

But now that I've got a lot of free time on my hands, I've decided to give a shot at writing something of my own and share it with anyone who'd be willing (and kind enough) to read it.

And while I work on the final scenes of my first fic, I thought it could be a nice idea if maybe I introduced myself a little a bit? I don't know, maybe no one really cares, but maybe someone does? So here it is.

🌸 I'm Italian, so forgive me if there are some mistakes or some weird stuff, but don't feel bad about calling me out on it so I can improve ✨️ it's my first time writing something other than an essay or dissertation in English after all

🌸 My name is Yennifer (not very Italian, I know), but you can call me Yen or Yenni. Whatever you like works tbh

🌸 I started writing when I was 10 and the first thing I ever wrote was a crossover for Harry Potter and Narnia, in which Peter and Ginny ended up together. I actually rewrote the whole thing at 13, then again at 15, and then I started writing a sequel. When I tell you I made that my whole personality for a few years, I mean it

🌸 I studied Foreign Languages and Literatures in university (and hopefully it helped with mastering English enough to use it for fanfics) and I recently graduated. I'm currently waiting and praying for my admission to the Master program

🌸 I've always wanted to be a writer, but since now I'm old enough (22 lol) to realize I'm not sure I've got what it takes to plan, write and finish (they tell me this is an important part of it) a whole ass book, my dream job is translator: reading, writing and languages all in one. What else could I possibly want?

🌸 My favorite authors are Jay Kristoff, TJ Klune and Jojo Moyes. If we stick to classics, I love Oscar Wilde and a few Italian dudes probably not many know

🌸 I love the color blue in all its shades, so I like to think it as fate that Azriel's color is cobalt 💙

🌸 I am OBSESSED with music. I can't live without it and I'm not even exaggerating. If I'm not listening to music, then there's still music playing in my mind and it never shuts up. Sometimes it can even be a bit frustrating. But whether it's real or just in my head, music is playing 24/7 around here

🌸 In case you couldn't tell, I particularly like this flower emoji. I just think it's really cute and a nice change from the usual lil red heart

Now, before I wrap this up, here's the little snippet I promised. Enjoy!

His shadows lunged forward as if they wanted to reassure her, but he held them back. He approached her slowly, stopping just in front of her. He crouched down next to her and waited for her to meet his eyes before speaking.

“Let me help,” he said, unable to hide his concern any longer. He wanted to erase that haunted look from her eyes and he’d do anything to make her feel safe and protected again.

“You’re not alone, Y/N,” he continued, his tone gentle. In his mind, he was cursing himself for not having thought that she might experience this kind of problem. “I could help you. We can do it at your pace and stop whenever you wish.”

She stared into his eyes and it felt like an eternity passed before she nodded. Relief flooded his chest at her trust, her willingness to finally let someone help her.

[...]

Tears were streaming down her face and she sobbed, drawing her legs close to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She began to rock back and forth and maybe she was begging for it to stop, to never start, maybe she was screaming or calling out for someone, maybe she wasn’t saying anything at all.

As that dark freezing water closed over her and pulled her under, she knew the pain would come soon. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. She was drowning and there was nothing she could do, nothing she could do, nothing she could…

A tender, gentle touch on her cheek. From far away, someone called her name. And among the chaos, the darkness, the crippling fear, she saw a pair of hazel eyes, soft and yet concerned. A male voice assuring her that she was safe, that he was with her.

She wanted to believe that voice, but the water was pulling her under, cold and dark and terrifying. And yet that gentle voice was still talking to her, those hazel eyes still looking into hers, and she tried to hold on to them, to not let it all slip away.

And then someone took her hand and suddenly she felt something thumping beneath her palm. A heartbeat, she realized. Life.

Heartbeat meant life. Not death, not pain.

Life.

Alright, I really hope you liked this and that it sparked your curiosity just enough to stick around to read the whole thing. I'll post it in the next few days, I just have to write the end.

Whether you've read the whole post or just skipped to the snippet, thank you so much and hopefully I'll see you again! 💙🌸🙈

[msmargaretmurry]

Get to know you game! Answer the questions and tag people you want to know better!

I was tagged by the lovely @irrelevanttous <3

Last song listened to: she's a lady by forever the sickest kids. my current daylist is "old school punk millennial monday evening" and i put it on while making dinner and this was the last song it spun up before i had to go to class. EXTREMELY silly song but very fun to bop to in the kitchen. transports me instantly to drinking in a parking lot in allentown pennsylvania in 2008.

Currently reading: i JUST finished empire of cotton: a global history by sven beckert, which was my big read for school this week… fascinating and deeply depressing book lmao. i am also in the middle of the audiobook of courtney milan's the duke who didn't; i am enjoying a lot of things about it and think it is a very good historical romance even though it has the same shortfalls for me that most romances have, even very good ones, which is not an issue with the book but just with romance as a genre being unable to do the things that makes me truly feral about a book. i am also one chapter into robin hobb's ship of magic as part of my big ongoing robin hobb reread (up until i hit the end of the tawny man trilogy, at which point i will be treading new robin hobb ground… excited 4 me)

Currently watching: i got a paramount+ account so we could watch the superbowl so i've been using my access to watch stuff on there before i cancel it in a month, lol. currently that means finally watching the last 5 seasons of criminal minds, which is a deeply stupid show that for some reason i love very much. due to my grad school agonies i can only watch things that makes my brain feel smooth, and criminal minds makes my brain feel VERY smooth. i have also been rewatching doctor who, but i got through the first four seasons which are the important seasons so i might quit that rewatch.

Currently obsessed with: my big robin hobb reread, haha. idk, i don't really have the brainpower to be obsessed with much outside of my classes right now; my free time and energy are SO limited 😭 i have a couple of my own fic ideas that i'm pretty obsessed with! but tragically haven't been able to do much with them besides rotate them in my mind and make notes in my notes app.

tagging: @bropunzeling @vivathewilddog @larsnicklas @warmupbrawl @plaintoast but only if you want to! also sorry if you already did it and i missed it, if that is the case then i blame the shambles that tumblr has my dashboard in 🥴

[orchidyoonkook]

personal

Hi, need to scream. Tumblr seems to listen best. can and please feel free to ignore.

okay so essentially my job has removed all of the things I use and need in order to be able to do my job with my mental disorder. my mental DISABILTY. that i was honest with them and told them about at my freaking trial shift. that i told them i needed certain things in order to do well. nothing drastic. but things that helped me significantly with my performace.

SOOOOOOOOO i am now severely struggling at my job because they've taken those away cuz they were 'annoying' or 'in the way' or 'clutter'. like. im not even leaving shit every where. It's like, maybe at most 3 sticky notes? (for example) and they're written just for me, like just so i can have a list of things i can do and know to go back and look on when i need a task because ive finished the one i was doing. but then my boss reads them and critiques them as if they're for everyone. or says 'okay yeah but we do that every day so i dont see why you have to write it down. you should know to do it by now' LIKE BRO. I forget to put deodorant on some days because of said mental disability. it's something i do and have done every day since i was 12 or 13. thats 12 years. and i still forget some days just cuz my brain wasn't working properly.

AND now due to this they have put me, one of the staff currently with more seniority than 3 other staff, down to one shift a week, while every one else is full time or heavily part time.

In march i was full time and kicking ass, I was the fastest employee on my tasks, i was doing great, the customers loved me and now that all of my things that i need in order to function have been removed for everyone else's aesthetic preferences, I'm suffering, and most likely being silently fired.

like... what do i do with that. I can do my job, with my accomadations - that arent that many btw - i dont expect them to move mountains for me. But dude. I hate this feeling so much because i'm capable, theyve seen me be capable. i was for 1.5 years. like i want to be good at my job. I like and enjoy being good at my job. i've told them that. I want to do good but my ability to be good is being derailed, and i just get told to try harder, just work harder, impress your boss with how hard you work -> for minimum wage, i might add.

and everyone is like "just get a new job, just apply for more jobs you're not applying for enough, literally just apply for everything, even if youre not qualified" and i cant just do that, due to said disability. there are jobs i am unable to do. so i have to be a lil picky otherwise i'll be right back where i am now. and ive been looking for months and applying for months with no luck - no one ever responds. why list jobs if you dont respond?????

it's getting to the point where im debating opening up drawing commissions or writing commissions, or something that i can make to earn a little extra cash here and there while i get over this transition period. And that's a big deal for me because i don't do commissions. I do my art for myself or for when i want to share something i've made already, like the UTWT books. Hell, I did a tattoo design for a friend on here that i put easily 40 hours into, and i felt guilty that they wanted to pay me for it because i'd asked them for the idea. Like, i don't do commissions. so for me to be considering it is really telling for me.

anyways. this is a bajillion words long now, but i already feel better. and I'm posting it in the middle of the night in hopes that the void just consumes it and never lets it see the light of day.

If you read this, thanks and sorry for the bummer of a post. This isnt a pity party or a poor yoon thing. I'm not looking for comfort or any of that. this is a 'i don't have a therapist and my friends and partner and family are sick of hearing me bitch, when i havent been able to fix it in months despite trying my best too' thing. so yeah..

i hope the new year brings me something good.

[whats-she-gonna-post-next]

So I just finished reading Sansûkh, which, amazing fic, if you are at all a fan of LotR, I wholeheartedly suggest reading it. However, I have a bad habit of waxing poetic about fanfiction to my friends, and I thought I would share my two favorites that I wrote as I got to the end. These are spoiler free because one of my friends that I was sending this to wants to read it when they have the time to emotionally invest in it, so I hope you enjoy these even just a little regardless of if you have read it, are currently reading it, planning ti read it, or if you just want to read the sad ramblings of someone who gets far too invested in fanfiction for their mental health.

So, when I reached chapter 46, I needed a break, so I went to my friends and just started typing. I wanted to get the emotions in my chest out so I could breathe and keep reading without the bubble. It was meant to be 3 sentences, instead I sent this.

I just finished chapter 45, can confirm, and am still sobbing. I don't even have the words for this, but listen, I have read a lot of books, I have read even more fic, I have complimented many an amazing authors in my time - all of whom are still amazing, do not get me wrong, regardless of what I say - but when I tell you that I have not read a better writter work than this one, and I do not think it can be matched? I have been moved to tears more often than I can count, have spent an hour reading half a chapter that should take no more than 20 minutes to funishe due to my inability to hold back the waves of emotions that were invoked from mere words on a screen, I have learned to love again, deeper than I thought possible from the shape of the world brought forth in this world. It has me waxing poetics, and yet I am not finished? How often can that be said of a work? It has inspired countless works of fanart, people have composed, put tge lyrics they write so music so that we can truly enjoy. The inspiration that flows in the very marrow of this story can move the earth and shatter sky and still cultivates it and directs it better than any god could hope. Not even have I finished, and still, I already wish I could read it again for the first time. Though heavy is my heart to be near the end, so too am I happy beyond words to have shared in the journey.

I managed 1 and a half more chapters before bed. I then pushed it off today when I woke up, I did other things. I ignored the fic that sat beckoning in my phone browser, terrified to finish but equally so to leave it to sit and rot unfinished so close to the end. I mustered my courage, and I sat, and I read, and when I finished, I felt there was little left of me. I needed to do something, and so I went to my friends, once more intending to only send a few sentences, and I sent this instead.

I'm done. My emotions are shot. I don't have the words to explain how I feel because I don't feel real. How... God it sounds dramatic but how do you go on after something like this? How do I give myself the leeway to continue when I am wrought of all emotion? And I know I'm being dramatic. I've read other fics that have left me in a similar state and I have moved on, but in this moment it is as if all else is wiped away, like I have become a husk, light and brittle, left to battle the fridged winds of an ever moving future. I am lost and helpless against it, and I can even name the feelings that gather.

I hold true to the first rambling. There is much to be said about someone whose words can drive you to creation. It wets my eyes and casts my tongue in silver, and even still, I find myself unable to truly express the inner workings of my heart. I leave myself instead to use what words I can and hope that even a quarter of how much I am touched is expressed with them before they too flee in the face of such magnificence.

If you have made it this far, I applauded you. Long-winded words aren't always easy to parse, and if you relate even some, I thank you.

[teruel-a-witch]

tag 9 people you'd like to know better

i was tagged weeks ago by @crackers4jenn (*waves* sorry it takes me ages, i'm a scatterbrain)

last song: had to check my youtube history because i rarely listen to music and apparently it was precious by depeche mode on July 12th, lol. it's the soundtrack at the end of bones 1x10 and rewatching the episode always makes me want to listen to the song again.

currently watching: of the shows that are still on right now, only what we do in the shadows. (i think how i met your father s2 officially ended, i mean to pick nancy drew back up but i don't remember where in s3 I fell behind) but i'm in a perpetual process of rewatching/watching so many things, just since the beginning of the summer i've rewatched s3-5 of community, the entirety of black books, went back to white collar which i had abandoned after s2 and watched s3-4 in full before getting distracted, i am also in a neverending rewatch of castle and bones that's been going on since like 2016. earlier this year i was rewatching rizzoli&isles, warehouse 13, grimm, etc. did not finish them all. i jump around a lot depending on my mood. also mean to get back to my lucifer and wynonna earp rewatch at some point. i very rare finish shows and then i get back and have to start from the beginning and then i don't finish anyway, it's a vicious circle, i don't like saying goodbye. also i have no attention span. i guess technically i am also in the process of watching hawaii five-0 but i haven't watched any new (for me) episodes in a loooong time because canon is such a drag compared to the happy au land i've been living in. i do also watch some shows that are on hiatus right now but i probably wouldn't even remember them all. i only remember when they come back. suffice to say i watch a lot of tv lol.

currently reading: embarrassingly, nothing. only stuff that comes up on my tumblr dash 🤷🏻‍♀️. i haven't even read fanfic since ao3 was blocked in my country in april of this year. because of how my brain works if you add an extra step to something i am used to doing (aka i have to turn on vpn to open ao3 links) i am just that much less likely to do it. i miss losing myself in a book but my brain is too preoccupied by my blorbos to be able to invest in anything new.

current obsession: probably shocking to no one who follows me, it's mcdanno. this ship ate my brain in november of 2021 and since then its hold on me has not lessened at all, probably got worse, lmao. i found myself unable to gather any feelings about any of my old long time ships because all that space has been eaten up by steve and danny's insane chemistry and frustrating and wonderful epic love story. also within the mcdanno fandom the obsession of recent months has been building/brainstorming aus with aron @emphasisonthehomo (best rp partner one could wish for) . and i guess you can call making mcdanno screencap edits and metas an obsession of its own.

tagging (no pressure, only if you want to): @emphasisonthehomo , @stephmcx , @trickster-archangel , @pepperf , @wordybee , @alexihawleys , @aflawedfashion , @annieaceofhearts , @lukeclvez

[annabtg]

hi!!

1, 2, 7, 12, 17, 24, 27, 30 from here!

Hey!! You went all out 😁❤️

the last sentence you wrote

“Lily, my love.”

2. a character whose POV you're currently exploring

I've written some James and now I'm trying to get into Lily's head!

7. your preferred writing fonts

These days I write in Arial. Before that, I used to write in Verdana.

12. a trope you're really into right now

One-sided pining that turns into mutual pining ;D

17. talk about your writing and editing process

Ooooh boy. xD

Well! My writing process is largely and overwhelmingly linear. Even right now that I have a clear image of future scenes in my head, I keep trying to skip to them in hopes that it will help me make progress (see: question #1) but I find myself unable to get words down before knowing what comes before.

There's also the fact that I don't really do drafts. I always write with attention to detail from the get-go and try to get everything right on the first try.

I also don't exactly plot. I usually have a vague idea and maybe I know how I want it to end. Or maybe not. I usually have to start writing and see where it leads me.

(Really, seeing all the above, it's a miracle I even finish any stories at all.)

My editing process, now - basically, a lot of it is ingrained in my writing process, as I said. But I also re-read a lot over the course of writing, with my editing hat on - grammar, vocabulary, syntax, repetition, flow, everything. Sometimes I read it out loud to see how it flows. After it's finished, I let it stew, as I say - give it some time and not post immediately, so I can work any kinks in my head. Usually I ask a friend to beta or edit, depending on how unsure or otherwise I'm feeling about it. And right before posting, I read one last time with my reader's hat on - to see how I'm enjoying it.

24. how do you recharge when you're not feeling creative?

It's usually a good opportunity to read - either fanfic or books. It also helps to make myself feel useful instead - devote some more time on housework or do stuff I've been neglecting at work (sorting out paperwork, rearranging shelves etc). Last time I was going through a writing slump I did a ton of beta'ing for people xD go through the writing process without going through the writing process!

27. your favorite part of the writing process

When the words are flowing right, I suppose! And before I know it I've written three pages I'm happy with and the story is taking shape 🥰

30. share a fic you're especially proud of

That would be Nom De Plume.

More fic writer asks here!

[not-joan-of-arc]

heaven official's blessing (pt. 2)

(finished reading on April 1 2022)

my unedited annotations for books four and five (SPOILERS AHEAD):

BOOK FOUR

been too busy to read for the past few days but I'm super excited to dive back into this - that being said, I'm still scared of this book ending

and so we return to the past!!

okay so Xie Lian's already been banished? ngl I was kind of hoping to see the actual banishment because I'm still confused as to why exactly he was banished??

also it's weird because the Xie Lian of the past is vastly different from present him but you can also very clearly see how he became the way he is today

ah yes now we know exactly where Xie Lian's poison-cooking-specialty originates from lol

okay Mu Qing is being kind of a dick in leaving Xie Lian but also he's got a valid point, and I kinda sympathise with him?

oh fuck me it's Hua Cheng?? I knew he would be in this book somehow!!

“I want to protect them.” - no but this is his unfulfilled wish that ties him to the mortal realm?? like he just wants to protect Xie Lian, that's so pure and wow I'm actually going to start crying now

I hope one day to find someone who loves me as much as Hua Cheng loves Xie Lian, even if its just in a platonic way

‘“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said.

The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.”’

no but this whole scene with Xie Lian and little ghost Hua Cheng is like the foundation of their current relationship - Hua Cheng protecting Xie Lian without ever speaking a word to him of it, suffering to keep his heart to himself

so Hua Cheng died in the war, that makes sense

wait what?? Xie Lian actually cooked something edible?? maybe his cooking skills are a plot device after all

oh so this is when Feng Xin gets all wifed up

no but you really feel the second-hand embarassment when Xie Lian is caught trying to rob someone, like he's really fallen from that gracious and honorable Crown Prince of the past

yo someone help this boy, he is literally having multiple panic attacks and has very severe PTSD and also probably depression, like boy needs some therapy stat

but tbf, that's all characters in every mxtx adaptation rip

okay but ghost fire Hua Cheng is genuinely adorable

oh so these are the thirty-three heavenly officials Hua Cheng becomes famous for killing - of course his reason for doing so was Xie Lian! I should have realised that sooner considering everything Hua Cheng does is for Xie Lian

“But, this hand had reached out too late.”

I think White No-Face's obsession with Xie Lian is because he is the Crown Prince of Wuyong who suffered a terrible fate and he wants Xie Lian to suffer likewise and join him so he won't be alone anymore

the one instance where Feng Xin and Mu Qing are actually getting along and it's Xie Lian who drives them apart, how ironic - I keep trying to make myself like Mu Qing and like, I understand why he does what he does but I still don't like him - Feng Xin though is my boi

I'm beginning to understand why book four is the most tragic and hardest-to-read section in the whole book

no but it makes sense?? killing makes you immune to the human face disease

oh fuck no I think I know what's about to happen

Xie Lian...what are they doing to you

fuck me but he is without a doubt the character with the most tragic backstory ever to exist

SOMEBODY FUCKING SAVE HIM

how painful this must be for Hua Cheng too seeing the love of his life bear so much pain and be unable to do anything about it

Xie Lian you need to tell Feng Xin what happened to you or you're going to lose him too

“It’s not like I’m a god, can’t I be angry? Can’t I hate?”

I understand why Feng Xin leaves but also fuck you Feng Xin! can't you see how much torment your best friend is in? can't you see that he's too broken to be left alone

wait the King and Queen have actually hanged themselves?

no okay this is too fucking much don't y'all leave Xie Lian alone like this, he doesn't deserve to be tormented like thus, he doesn't deserve any of this

Ruoye!! and now I understand what Xie Lian meant when he talked about forging his spiritual device with Pei Ming - I knew it would be tragic but never this tragic

he's on the verge of becoming the white-faced calamity isn't he?

Hua Cheng to the rescue!! and now I understand all the fan art of Hua Cheng in a smiling face mask

or maybe not Hua Cheng to the rescue? curiouser and curiouser

Xie Lian has definitely got something up his sleeve as always but it still hurts to watch him be so broken and in pain

and now we have the story behind the bamboo hat

Hua Cheng!!

ahh why do they both go through so much pain?? and because they're soulmates they feel each other's pain too - my heart -

I read a post that said all that happens to Xie Lian makes him “desensitised” to everything and that's exactly what it is - he bears so much pain and suffering and humiliation in such a short span of time that eight hundred years later present day Xie Lian just does not give a fuck about anything anymore, like he's reached the lowest it is posible to ever go and can go no lower and like my heart is in pieces for him but at the same time he's such a fucking icon

the truth behind his second banishment

and thus we have present day Xie Lian in all his adorableness, except now we know his full story

the only big mystery left now is his third ascension I think

now onto book five as we return to Mount Tongl'u

BOOK FIVE

I don't this even needs to be said but I loathe White No-Face with every inch of my being okay

no but its actually hilarious that Hua Cheng carved a inhumanly big statue of Xie Lian out of a literal mountain, like my man is whipped

the real question is why is Hua Cheng a ghost king and not a world-famous artist and sculptor?? like he should have his own museum and not be running the ghost version of las vegas lol

it's also hilarious how though all the gods supposedly find Xie Lian strange they're all still willing to do whatever he says, like Quan Yizhen and even Pei Ming

haha I knew Pei Ming totally ships it

its only been like a few hours since Hua Cheng and Xie Lian properly kissed with no pretensions (and they haven't even properly confessed their love yet - though they don't really need to to be honest lol) but I'm absolutely living for these casual displays of love, like Hua Cheng giving Xie Lian a forehead kiss makes me feel so warm and happy

I was wondering when Shi Quingxan would show up again - ngl, was not expecting this reunion though

absolutely love the fact that Xie Lian can quite easily kiss Hua Cheng in front of everyone when it's a high-stakes situation but gets flustered by kissing his cheek when they're completely alone, Xie Lian is just too adorable

Jun Wu is White No-Face?? what the fuck....

I thought Jun Wu was kind of sus but not to this extent

no I don't want Yin Yu to die, he's genuinely one of my faves and deserves so much better than he got

yasss we stan Lord Rain Master!!

hmm I wonder if Mu Qing's interrogation has anything to do with what Hua Cheng heard him and Feng Xin arguing about on Mount Tongl'u

I mean Hua Cheng isn't wrong, the two of them really have zero self-preservation instincts lol

yes finally, we're going to get the full story!

so Jun Wu/White No-Face has basically been manipulating everything from the very beginning? damn - and I thought Mengyao in mdzs was a psychopath, this is just on a whole other level

Guoshi ships it!! he's definitely confused about where all the gay came from though lol

I'm screaming Guoshi is definitely trying (and failing) to give Xie Lian some sex ed

this whole battle seems like some sort of crack dream

okay but Guoshi is actually the best

Guoshi referring to Quan Yizhen as a ‘fluffy child’ is the peak of hilarity

not Guzi!

this Hua Cheng is He Xuan isn't it

not gonna lie, I kinda ship General Pei and the Rain Master

Hua Cheng already imagining having a child with Xie Lian - I can't, that's too adorable

final battle approaches

Hua Cheng wanting to make a good impression on his boyf's ‘dad’

come on Xie Lian, you're so good at sussing out every other gods mysteries but you can't even figure out all Hua Cheng has done for you? you're so fucking obtuse at times

Hua Cheng thinking that Xie Lian was going to stab himself again - my heart - and then being reminded of when Xie Lian was stabbed by a hundred swords but Xie Lian just laughing it off - ahhh why did they have to go through so much pain

I think Feng Xin is slowly coming to the understand the depth of trust and love and mutual respect that is Hua Cheng and Xie Lian's relationship - he's definitely not against it now at the very least

also glad we're finally getting some character growth from Mu Qing, after 800 years

so this is the truth of Mu Qing and honestly, I can't really say I dislike him so much anymore, like I understand where he's coming from

he's still a dumbass for not realising that Xie Lian genuinely did want to be friends all this time though, but then again, if I met someone as good as Xie Lian I would be a little skeptical too lol

this whole scene is low-key hilarious, they're both dumbasses

scratch that, all three of them - Xie Lian, Mu Qing and Feng Xin - they're all dumbasses

‘Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??”’- I'm crying

okay now I'm starting to understand where all the shipping of Feng Xin and Mu Qing comes from, this whole bit with Feng Xin carrying Mu Qing and them bickering is kind of adorable

Mu Qing and Feng Xin definitely give the vibe of Xie Lian's brothers who don't really approve of Xie Lian's boyf in the first place but still don't want him to be harmed for the sake of Xie Lian - I actually love their friendship okay, however much history they have between them all

and now we get the rest of Hua Cheng's story!! I'm so ready for this

no fucking way - so Hua Cheng could have been a god??

he definitely chose the ghost life for the aesthetic lol

I love the trope when couples fight together as a team, like all the wordless communication and synchronisation

‘Because he wasn’t as good as Hua Cheng thought him to be.’

that's the thing though, Hua Cheng has seen every bit of Xie Lian and knows that he's imperfect, he understands him and sees him for who he is - Xie Lian, don't you understand? Hua Cheng cares about none of it, all he cares about is you, its all he's ever cared about

‘“Your Highness, don’t be afraid. Remember? The one basking in infinite glory is you; the one fallen from grace is also you. What matters is ‘you’, and not the state of you. No matter what’s happened in the past, I will never leave you. You can tell me anything.”’

nooo not ruoye!! :(

‘He couldn’t help but wonder—perhaps, to be defeated by someone, to end these relentless days of brokeness and madness, was possibly Jun Wu’s wish deep down.’

Xie Lian you are truly one of a kind - “shattering boulders on chest” lmao

‘All of a sudden, thousands of emotions, millions of words swarmed into his head. There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.’

fucking finally!! it's taken Xie Lian way too long to realise the truth lol

‘Hua Cheng said quietly, “Your Highness, I understand your everything. Your courage, your despair; your kindness, your pain; your resentment, your hate; your intelligence, your foolishness. If I could, I would have you use me as your stepping stone, the bridge you take apart after crossing, the corpse bones you need to trample to climb up, the sinner who deserved the butchering of a million knives. But, I know you wouldn’t allow it.”

He said all this as the maple red of his robes slowly faded away.’

fuck me they better have a happy ending after all that or I'm going to scream

Jian Lan and Feng Xin deserved better, they all deserved so much better

I love how every little story arc is getting some sort of resolution as we near the end

‘Hua Cheng waited for him for over eight hundred years, so what did it matter if he waited for Hua Cheng for another eight hundred more? It could be a thousand years, ten thousand years, and he would still wait, and continue to wait.’

‘A smile hung on Xie Lian’s face, thinking, he wasn’t the only one who had fallen.’ - but I'm also bawling

‘Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.’

final chapter let's go!! but also I don't want this to end

love that they've returned to Puqi shrine it's so wholesome

I'm screaming - this definitely means Hua Cheng and Xie Lian have already slept together lol - and Feng Xin and Mu Qing are just there like ‘we really didn't need to know that’

the elusive He Xuan??

I am living for domestic HuaLian

“I am forever your most devoted believer.”

---

after finishing the book:

screaming crying laughing I can't believe its over

this was a genuine masterpiece

also reading the post-script I think MXTX is legitimately a genius like wow, I aspire to be as talented as she is

(rated 5 stars)

---

my annotation system

[leliest]

Honestly, I wonder what the fuck I'm doing with my life, because currently, I'm laying in bed curled up next to my favourite blanket wanting to cover myself with it but simultaneously being unable to move, staring at my phone and reading quotes that perfectly describe how I feel, then scrolling down and seeing pictures of pretty people which reminds me how I'm not good enough which then reminds me of the things I could do to change the way I look or speak or walk or sing or- but I'm still laying here, doing nothing, and oh I really should try to improve my drawing skills and I also want to learn how to dance right now and why can't I get better at writing immediately? By the way, I'm still laying here instead of finally writing that story I've been telling my friends about but wait, that pressures me into actually doing something because they might ask me about it soon so now I'm overwhelmed and won't do anything about that damn story anymore... Right, I wanted to learn how to dance but oh, now I'm watching a video of a professional dancer being good at their job and - being the perfectionist that I am - I'll never even be half as good as them so why would I even try? Screw dancing then. And drawing? Wow, look at that amazing painting of someone who's been doing this for years, man I'll never reach that level so I won't try that either but what about my room, I have to clean it... But I have to get up for that and I don't even know where to start so I'll just stay here thinking about- the exam this Thursday, right! I have to study for that, don't I? Well, the last time I tried to study I ended up failing the exam so I'll fail again now, no need to try. Right, the language that I wanted to learn... Where do I even start, no, why would I even start because until I ever get to a certain level I'll have lost motivation already because I'll never be as good as a native speaker- And now I'm shaking because I also have five TV shows that I want to watch but I don't have time for that because I have to finish that assignment due tomorrow which isn't even half-done because I tried to finish it but it wasn't good enough and the more I look at it the worse I think it is so screw that, too, and yeah I also have three new books that I've wanted to read for ages now and also at least four old books that I want to re-read but I can't get up so let's think about... music, right, I want to listen to music but my speaker is laying on my desk and I don't even know what I want to listen to so no music then and somewhere during this I've gotten up (finally) and wandered to my desk to open tumblr and write this down but oh no, I looked at the mirror and now all I can think about is how fucking ugly I am and that I need to lose weight and that I need a haircut but I'm scared to go to a hairdresser so no haircut and where do these chips come from and why am I eating them right now- Stop it, you need to loose weight you idiot- but holy crap now I'm really shaking and my fingers are flying over the keyboard and my leg is trembling and shit something's wrong because that's not normal and I think I need help but I'll never get it because I won't dare to tell anyone about any of this, last time I opened up to someone didn't end well either- speaking of "anyone", why don't i have a best friend, I mean I have friends but we're all not that close so I must be the problem because I'm always the problem so I'm annoying them and I talk too much but if I don't talk they ask me if I'm okay and I'm the third wheel everywhere I go because they don't actually like me, they're just being nice to avoid trouble but they secretly wish I was dead - honestly same - so that's why I wasn't invited to that birthday party- But I'm never going to be loved by anyone so it doesn't matter aynways, and now my head hurts and why does my chest feel so tight all of a sudden, while we're at it the room starts to spin now and I don't know why I feel like I'll throw up any second now- Shit, it's getting late and I still have stuff to do- But I'll just stay here doing nothing again

[hauntedwitch04]

Diabetes

🎃Halloween party🎃  

Remus Lupin  x reader

Words: about 0.9k words

Warning: just a really fluffy Remus and cuddling 

Author’s note: hi love! day 18th! Here  I’m so sorry but i was really busy this week. I’ll try post everything this weekend. Hope you like this one I really enjoyed writing this one. 

✒️:   “I love reading during the rain, but you know what I love most? Reading during the rain with you in my arms, with your intoxicating scent of cinnamon and chocolate that smells like home.” “Man! You give me diabetes.”

Requests are open I  Ask  I  My masterlist   I  Join the Taglist

I never believed in soul mates, or at least one part of me wanted at all costs to believe this little children's fairy tale that we persist in believing, the other part of me believed that it was all bullshit, and god how wrong she was.

Everything changed the day I saw for the first time in my life Remus Lupin, the quietest and at the same time most chaotic boy I had seen in my short eleven years of life.

I don't think it was love at first sight, rather it was more like our souls touched and realized that they had found the other person for them, but platonically, only later would I realize that for me it would never be a simple friendship.

I realized I had fallen in love with him the fifth year, after I discovered his "little hairy problem," as James ironically calls it, and the cute boy I thought was just my friend turned into the man I loved with more ardor than Lizzie loved Mr. Darcy. My friends teased me about my affection for him, which I hid in every way, even quite well, or so I thought.

We are walking toward the Spellcasting classroom when I see a male figure running toward me and my friends, whom I recognize as being Remus. I blush when I hear him shout my name several times.

"Y/N/N! Wait!" I hear him calling me, so I stop, and he almost catches me in the middle, unable to stop his run. He lays his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes.

"Are you okay!?" He asks anxiously as he looks at my face. I look at him confused as I nod.

"Of course I'm fine! Why do you ask?"

"The others told me you were looking for me this morning and I thought why you were not well." The evidently more relaxed boy replies. I blush before handing him the books in my hand and looking for something in my bag under his and my friends' attentive glances. Eventually I find what I needed and hand it to him, taking back my cookies. He opens the box I handed him and his eyes light up.

"Last night you were complaining that you had a craving for chocolate chip cookies. Tonight I couldn't get to sleep, and I was hungry as hell so I went to the kitchen and made some cookies, gave some to the others and wanted to give them to you this morning but you weren't there." You say a little embarrassed as your friends smile making faces behind the boy's back so as not to be seen, teasing me. In contrast Remus quickly puts a cookie in his mouth and leaves a kiss on your cheek before running off yelling a thank you and about how late he was for Potions class. Throughout the hour of spells, you couldn't get the feeling of his lips on your cheek out of your mind.

"Hey, are you okay?" Asks your boyfriend, on whose lap you are currently sitting, on the couch in the Gryffindor common room. It is very late and in the room besides you remain Sirius and James, who with Lily are finishing up their homework for tomorrow, as the two boys, as always have cut back to the last. Remus was reading a book aloud when he realized that you were actually no longer listening, lost in thought as you stared at him. It was your last year at Hogwarts and you wanted to make the most of it with your friends and your boyfriend, but sometimes you couldn't help but stop and remember how it had all started.

"What were you thinking?" Remus asks curiously, seeing that you have returned from your trans state.

"To the things I love." You say smiling as you look at him and caress his face, on which are still fresh scars from the last moon.

"Oh yes, and what would they be?" He asks, smiling in turn and playing along.

"Well for example chocolate chip cookies, or your sweaters, or candles, and maybe even you but I'm not completely sure." You say chuckling. "And what do you love instead?"

"I love reading during the rain, but you know what I love most? Reading during the rain with you in my arms, with your intoxicating scent of cinnamon and chocolate that smells like home." He says, smiling, before leaving a sweet kiss on your lips, enveloping you completely in his embrace. You can't stop smiling, happy and finally home, but you can't help but hear the comment from the others who had heard the whole conversation between you and your boyfriend.

"Man! You give me diabetes." Says Sirius mimicking a retch of vomit, followed closely by James. As Lily slaps them both in the face.

"They are in love and they are nothing but lovely. You should learn from Remus a thing or two Potter about how to treat one's girlfriend, and it's no use laughing Sirius because I have some for you too." Says the redhead causing them to finally shut up.

[bonesgadh]

I finished reading "Lucas On The Line" and I really enjoyed it through and through.

There are only 3 things I disliked from the book (more like 2, the first one is a complaint more than anything else), and I'm gonna start by mentioning them before diving into what I liked the most:

I wish the damn book was longer. I would gladly pay to read Lucas' POV of everything that happened on season 4. 

Lucas being at odds with Mike, Dustin, and Max around the time the Byers moved to California doesn't sit right with me. If he was barely on speaking terms with them, they can't expect me to believe he joined forces with Max to make fun of Dustin. No way in hell.

The book states the Championship Game was on April 4th, 1986, when it was actually held on March 21st. In fact, season 4 was already finished by April 4th. Perhaps the author had access to early scripts in which the season was set in the first week of April instead of the final week of March, but it still annoyed the fuck out of me.

Okay, so now onto my favorite parts:

Lucas being torn between his loyalty to his friends and wanting something different for himself than what he always had was an excellent storyline, as was his struggle to find his place and trying to understand where he came from and what he wanted out of life. Eventually, he realized what he truly desired was to be with his friends, to help them, and even protect them. It was ridiculously endearing and a reminder of why so many of us fell in love with him in the first place. Because Lucas is fiercely loyal, selfless, and protective, and will stop at nothing to help those he loves. Those are great qualities to have in a character and the book excelled at showing that.

All of the Lumax content was *chef's kiss*. Lucas' anguish at being unable to reach out to Max and his desperation as he feels her slip away was painful to read, but it also provided much-needed insight into how their relationship deteriorated between seasons 3 & 4.

Every Lumax scene from season 4 has a different meaning to me now. I love them even more.

Not Lucas saying he and Max are best friends first and that's why their relationship is so special 😭 THAT'S THE MAIN REASON WHY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH:

The absolute fear Lucas felt when he thought Max was going to die broke my heart because I imagine how he felt when she died for real, even if she was brought back to life shortly after.

Very random moment but there's a mention of Annie and Lucas imagining the Party singing "It's The Hard-Knock Life" and I laughed a lot because 1. Sadie Sink was Annie on Broadway and 2. The Party somehow did sing that song! It's one of the songs the cast sang when they were on Carpool Karaoke.

I love the book explained how Lucas knows "Running Up That Hill" is Max's favorite song, and the little moment they shared listening to it before breaking up. Also, Lucas concluding the song's lyrics match their current situation and seeing Max tear up made me tear up. "Running Up That Hill" is a Lumax anthem CONFIRMED:

There was a very sweet parallel between Max remembering the good times with her friends as she is fighting Vecna, and Lucas recalling how happy he was when he and Max were together:

Last but not least, I wonder if a few scenes were meant to foreshadow what happens to them at the end of the season. The first one was Lucas observing how much Max's eyes have changed, as if they have lost their brightness, an ironic thing to point out now that Max is (most probably) blind:

The second one was Lucas' determination to stand by Max's side until the very end which made me cry, given what happened to her (I never cry at anything but fucking Stranger Things, I swear...):

Anyways, I recommend you to read this book. It's a good companion to ST4 and sheds a different light on Lucas' state of mind during the first 4 episodes. It also provides a fascinating insight into his fears, desires, and wishes, as well as his ambitions. 

[naliya]

Although misogyny necessarily plays its part into the whole JKR debacle, I think the 'vitriol' as you said is mostly caused by the fact that a large portion of the haters grew up with the Harry Potter books whilst they haven't, for example, ever seen a Polanski film in their life. And JKR in a way could be a sort of parental figure to them. You know, as ~problematic~ as Freud may be, he was onto something when he spoke of one's need to symbolically kill the father; and the same people who practically worshipped the HP novels growing up had already begun dismissing them as child's play when the Rowling vs. Transactivists affair started. To quote another writer here, the issue crystallised at that point.

@helshades

It's so funny that you're bringing that up because I had this exact conversation with my man around a week ago. As I said in the tags of the post that prompted those couple of rants of mine, he's currently reading them for the first time at the rip old age of 35. A result of him giving Philosopher Stone to his pupils this year (HP so bad, primary schools use them to get kids to read, apparently) and making a point of doing everything he asks of them and that include learning all the poetry by heart, and therefore reading all the books as well. After finishing PS, he asked for the rest since he was surprised at how much funnier it was than the movie.

Anyway, I don't exactly remember how we ended up talking about JKR and the discourse currently surrounding her, but he made the exact same point as you, he mentioned how interesting it was that Freud might actually have had some interesting ideas hidden in his work somewhere in there, and that some people do need to "kill the mother / father" in order to grow up and leave childhood behind. I pointed out to him that it was rather obvious and blatantly observable all around us, but that, as per usual, people took that point way too literally, imagining that it meant killing your actual mother/father and marrying the other one so to speak; when a father or mother figure doesnt even have to be someone close to you nor someone you know at all - just a person or even a concept that shaped you enough when you were younger, that you are now feeling the need to "rebel" against in order to mature.

Which really goes back full circle to the point I constantly make when it comes to HP and how people are unable to read (just because you can decipher doesn't mean you can read, I will stand by that, always), and how really, most discourses and analysis surrounding it are people fancying themselves smart by what they believe is "deconstructing" something they loved in childhood, when in reality it's 8 grade level analysis (if I'm generous) and honestly just look like they're going through their teenage phase of explaining to mum why she actually sucks.

Still though, I'll keep believing that if Joanne Rowling had been Jonathan Rowling, there wouldn't be quite the same level of vitriol directed at her and that her being a woman plays a role in how confortable and justified people feel in robbing her of her achievement and devaluing her work.

[kimdokjas]

hi pal! we've been mutuals for a while but never really talked much haha. but I was wondering if you could give any tips or resources for learning german? (cus I think you speak it right?) I'm actually moving to germany really soon to finish my phd there. I have some very rudimentary knowledge from several attempts on duolingo in the past but I really want to learn it well, in the case I end up living there for a long time! anyway feel free to do with this message as you please

Hi dear! Ahh that’s amazing that you’re moving to Germany to finish your PhD, congratulations!! Thank you for thinking of me for this kind of advice, I’m honored <3 and of course, I’m more than happy to give you some tips! This got super long lol I hope you don’t mind!

Here are some of the things that worked for me, feel free to take them or leave them depending on what you think would work best for you! As with any language, I think the best way to learn is to try to get as much exposure as you can, so here are some tips and resources organized by topic:

MOOCs

There are a lot of online courses available for free! Here are some of the ones I’ve seen (some are borrowed from this post and I added some others I found!)

Learn German

Deutsch lernen

Deutsch Akademie

Getting Started with German (I, II, III)

The German Project

Intermediate German: The world of work

Advanced German: Language, culture and history

Deutsch im Blick

Podcasts

This depends on your proficiency level and areas of interest, but I’d recommend starting with those that are more focused on language learners! In particular I found those from Deutsche Welle really helpful.

Once you feel a bit more comfortable, you can slowly work your way up to more technical or specialized podcasts, such as those related to your PhD subject! For me this is a great way to keep my German up to speed, especially since I’m unable to practice it much where I live. Some of my recommendations are:

Slow German mit Annik Rubens, focused on everyday topics spoken slowly for easier understanding! There are even transcripts available so you can read along

Langsam gesprochene Nachrichten, news spoken slowly for easier understanding

Top-Thema mit Vokabeln, discussing current topics with a focus on vocabulary (~B1 level)

Wort der Woche short episodes focused on learning one new term per episode (~B2 level)

For more advanced podcasts, try filtering the charts for Germany and see which ones look interesting to you! I personally love science topics, so I usually listen to Spektrum der Wissenschaft and Wissen Weekly among others!

Pen pals

I think one of the best ways to improve your German is to actually practice it with other people. It might be scary at first but trust me you’ll see a huge improvement if you try it!

I particularly recommend an app called Slowly. It’s a charming concept, with the traditional pen pal experience where your letters actually take time to deliver depending on how far away you are. You can specify the languages you speak and your level of proficiency, so you will be able to match more easily with people according to your level!

(Also, I’m personally a bit shy so something I really liked about this app is that it’s practically anonymous, you can just use a nickname and an avatar and you’re all set!)

Fiction books

Here is a wonderful masterpost of fiction books in German! It contains novels such as the Lord the Rings, the Hunger Games, and even classics such as the Metamorphosis. You can find the link to the Google Drive folder here!

Audiobooks

I didn’t really listen to audiobooks when learning German, but I’ve heard they’ve really worked for some people! Here are some of the ones I’ve been recommended (although I haven’t personally used them). These are links to Audible for reference, but I’d suggest using your alternate platform of choice or try to see if your local library has any available!

Café in Berlin

German Short Stories for Beginners

Learn German with Paul Noble for Beginners

Educational books

This is the more traditional way of language learning, but to be honest this was what most helped me learn grammar! I think resources such as Duolingo are great for day-to-day practicing, but they can be a bit lacking in terms of grammar, which is where educational books come in handy.

I mostly used the Menschen books for the beginner levels and Mittelpunkt for more advanced levels. These can be a bit expensive, so I’d recommend getting used books or looking in your local library, or even online.

For example, in the Deutsch Akademie website you can practice some exercises taken from these books among others for free!

Social media

Try to incorporate German into your social media experience as much as you can!

Tumblr: some blogs I follow are @thatswhywelovegermany @official-german-puns and @inoffizielles-deutschland and you can also try to follow some studyblrs to focus on vocabulary and grammar such as @learngermanblog

Twitter/Facebook: DW Deutsch lernern, they focus on language learners and sometimes they even post simple practice exercises!

Devices

This is more of a tip than a resource but one of the first things I did was switch the language on my phone and laptop to German. This forced me to read the language every day and I even picked up some new vocabulary thanks to this! Even stuff like the directions on Google Maps were in German so it was a great way of practicing. At first I really struggled, but you just have to stick with it and eventually it gets easier, I promise!

Music

It really depends on your taste in music but here are some of the ones I listen to! I usually lean more towards indie pop/rock. But I’d recommend trying to find a specific playlist for your favorite genre, e.g. rock in German and so on!

Playlists: Deutscher Indie, Deutschpop Hits

Artists: Phela, Joris, Philipp Dittberner, Yvonne Catterfeld, Kenay, Mark Foster

Entertainment

Of course movies, TV shows, and even YouTube are a great way of practicing the language even during your downtime!

In general, what worked for me was starting out by watching stuff with German audio and English subtitles (or your language of choice), and then slowly try to shift to using German subtitles only! Anyway I’ll try to recommend one of each:

TV shows: Dark on Netflix, great show and there’s really not a lot of dialogue so it’s good for a beginner/intermediate level!

Movies: Run Lola Run (1998), a thriller movie with a time loop concept

YouTubers: here is a Reddit masterpost of German-speaking YouTubers! I personally started out watching Gronkh which is a gaming channel. His Life is Strange let’s play has the game in English and commentary in German so it’s a good way to start out!

~~~

I hope some of these resources are useful, dear! As I mentioned, in the end you’re the one that knows what works best for you! But these are just some tips and resources that I personally found useful.

Either way, once you’re actually in Germany I promise you’ll see that your progress will increase exponentially just by simply listening and speaking the language daily in places like the supermarket, restaurants, etc. But you can always try to cover all your bases with additional resources such as these ones!

Again, hope this is helpful and please let me know how your journey goes! I’m excited to hear all about it :D