#even if we shut down i'd still be working through - unless they shut down online orders too

[arkus-rhapsode]

So I was thinking about making this a "Gaming Hot Take of the Day," but can't really do that when basically everyone is in agreement on this-Multiversus shutting down really just goes to show how a great concept with an okay execution, can result in terrible things when Live Service greed is involved.

So instead of making this a straight forward explanation of my take, I think I'd like to make this sort of a general overview of my disappointment. So lets start from the start, for those unaware I was actually a big BIG Smash bros fan and while I was never talented enough to play professionally, I still got involved in my local scene (though I gradually did drift away after the fanbase became very toxic to be around). So believe me when I say I am a massive fan of the concept of the crossover platform fighter. Platform fighters are often one of the most accessible types of fighting games for newcomers, and it allows a level of variety you just wouldn't normally get out of say a Street Fighter stage. And while its very VERY easy in a post Fortnite world to talk about how crossovers are becoming very cynical corporate cash grabs that dilute the original value of the work each one originates from, I can't deny that there will always be a charm to the crossover. And those who love these properties making use of them through the lease of a fighting game often shows.

And thus, we get to the real core of why platform fighters are often so under explored even with the success of smash. Getting a game that actually plays well that both professionals and casuals can enjoy, and having enough IP appeal to get casual audiences to try this game in the first place. A lot of smash clones seem to fumble one of these two things. Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl is clearly made with IP a bunch of people love and are no stranger to crossing over, but it was made as cheaply as possible. Then you have Rivals of Aether which absolutely offers a competitive alternative to Smash, but due to starring almost all original characters, it lacks the gimmicky hook of familiar characters duking it out.

So then we get to Multiversus. The WB crossover platform fighter. Not a DC platform fighter. Not a Cartoon Network platform fighter. Hell, not even a Midway All-Stars Battle Royale. But all of Warner Bros was allowed to converge in a single game. From various genres, mediums, and franchises this had the potential to have enough variety to rival Smash. But that's just IP, what about gameplay? Well while I think Multiversus was always too floaty and had way to many characters that could just combo infinitely, I do think the developers at Player First Games genuinely brought a unique, but not too unfamiliar, spin on the platform fighter. Add on the fact that this game is fully voiced with unique interactions and full on banter, you get something that isn't in Smash. They even managed to make the echo fighter concept interesting by having skins for characters like Joker be the Batman who Laughs that despite playing the same, the added voice lines actually do truly make this character seem like a new character even if its the exact same move set. So with all this going for it, what could go wrong? Welp, Live-Service.

That's right, instead of doing what most fighting games do of having a base package with a rollout of DLC, we went with a free to pay model where cosmetics, skins, backgrounds, emotes, and characters would cost fake currency you could exchange for real currency. Now this type of payment model isn't unreasonable in the world of online multiplayer games, and offering them for free then charging for features is common. This way the companies make money, while giving you the option to play the game for free. Well the thing is, often times, all those fun stuff like cosmetics, emotes, and characters are linked to how you play a game. You could conceivably play the game for free, but you'll never be able to play the full package of the game unless you were willing to spend so much time on the game or just spend money nickel-and-dime-ing everything.

And for me, that was the most disheartening thing. Part of the fun of smash bros is having the best toy box in video games. I might ever main Mario, but guess what I can play Mario whenever I want in whatever dumb resin he has. Taking away that option makes it feel less like you have a complete game than just having the bare essentials to complete the game. And that's when this game feels less like fun and more making a game where I am trying to extract enjoyment out of the pieces I can afford.

So the gameplay is not the tightest but passable, and the actual ability to play the game is extremely hamstringed. So hey, at least they had a great roster right? Now look, I want to make it clear, I don't hate the roster, I think Superman, Bugs, Steven Universe, etc. all deserve to be in one big crossover as the Super Warner Bros. But the fact that we were basically getting a new DC character every seasonal update, when this company owns franchises like The Matrix, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Conjuring, Clash of the Titans, ThunderCats, Austin Powers, Babylon 5, Rush Hour, Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, Ben 10, and Mortal Kombat, it feels lacking. There's been plenty of data leaks, and I think there could be a legitimate case made for a few characters not showing up, Emmet and Ruby because WB doesn't own those franchises any more. Gandalf and Harry Potter are ones where the IPs have a lot of outside influence and become a bit of a tangled web. But then some being held off on like the Wicked Witch of the West (who would even be prominently featured in the comic adaptation of Multiversus) feel so bizarre.

The one that hurt me the most was the rumored Scorpion playable character. Scorpion-the mascot of Nether Realm and the last surviving Midway Franchise. The character who has already shown up in other WB fighting gams-wasn't included. I don't even mind the idea some are advertisements like Beetlejuice coinciding with the second movie or Black Adam for... well Black Adam. But You'd at least have to give us something fun or unique that does get the hype going.

"But if it wasn't live service, could we even have the hype cycle?" Some may wonder. The answer is yes. Smash bros at this point has DLC announcements that literally make people devolve into full-blown speculation storms and glass-shattering soundoffs. So it is totally possible to make this game at a set price of lets say 49.99USD, with every post beta character included on it with some customization options , then offered seasons and cosmetics as dlc? That in my opinion would be a hundred percent reasonable.

But no. WB just had to have their own Fortnite. They couldn't be satisfied with just making WB Smash. They needed more of that money. With the victims of this is a game with a lot of potential being cut down after a year, the employees at Player First Games who did the best they could and clearly had plans who now are likely fearing for their jobs, and the players who did spend money on this only for it to become inaccessible. Was it worth it? Well, frankly no.

This news put in a bit of a mood as now I feel like I'm seeing the same story play out over and over again in the video game world. A team of developers have an idea for a cool thing, the publishers and owners want to extract as much value as possible of that thing as the can to the detriment of the experience, and then everything gets shutdown because it failed to meet projected sales.

Hopefully, whoever takes a stab at making the next Smash competitor learns from these mistakes.

[blackberry-mochi]

All of the weak cries of help I've made were stubborn mistakes. I'm contemplating what to post, and that's a mistake. I shouldn't care at all; I should just post whatever's on my mind, whatever's making me cry or feel hopeless or bitter or angry. But, being talked to by anybody on here's made that less easy, so I've fucked up by inviting any dialogue, alongside logging onto Discord early a bit ago.

Obviously, I understand that I shouldn't be talking to or accepting any messages from anybody, it's just that I've been blatantly feeling non-committal to that. The plan was to delete my Discord and only exist on this account, and that's still the plan, but I had additionally, initially thought, well, surely I should keep some avenue of communication open, right? Surely keeping Tumblr messages open would be fine, right? Surely I should allow myself to know if anybody's watching me and thinking about me after I've run off, right?

Why, though? Why would that be something I want to invite? It's only because I'm trying to stay hopeful in some way, right? Because I'm so weak and unwilling to die, right?

Inviting any dialogue was a mistake. It was right of me to clear out my Discord friends list like I did, but I've fumbled regardless, but I can fix things, so it's fine.

Being messaged by one person suddenly saying things like "I'm willing to do a lot to help you; you're worth it" was overwhelming and terrifying. Don't do that. That's not how this can work out. Distance and familiarity and reality are too big of obstacles. Don't do that.

And the other person I've had any significant conversation with, somebody I feel probably understands me the best out of anybody, probably thanks to our parallel situations where we're both suicidal and generally feel like we deserve nothing alongside our very familiar experiences with online CSA; the dialogue I've had with her is a bit of a nightmare, too, only in different way. A thoroughly-convincing offering of some possible option I could do to just run away from things for a bit, FAFSA specifically, sure is slightly tempting, isn't it. I'm set on turning everything down right now, though. It's fine. I've said to her "I've read this. I don't have a response", and that's how it's going to stay. I don't have a response to it. Nothing direct, anyway, unless you consider me deleting my Discord and shutting off messages on Tumblr as a direct response.

Even if I don't want to say "no", though, for whatever reason, there's still obvious issues I could point to, if I wanted to. In that scenario, I'd still be linked to my family, unless I'm willing to accept that I'd go homeless once that escapist fantasy ends and I'm still completely worthless and incapable and suicidal. It's childish to draw a line like "I want to disown my family first and foremost" and commit to it like this, but that's what I want, no matter what. The problem is that, that's not applicable to any solutions I can easily go with. So. Oh well. It's my fault for being so picky.

I'm sure I'd still want to worm my way out of running away regardless of the simplicity and surety of the escape, though. I'm too darn comfortable in this life I've got, even if it feels painful and miserable and empty and worthless and I can get nothing out of it outside of a strong sense of "no matter what, I have to die". Complicating things is too much effort. I can't. I personally doubt I would've actually followed through if the one option I worked up the meager courage of pursuing, moving in with local friends, hadn't been immediately shot down. I would've stayed with my family regardless.

That's a common thing for abuse victims to do, right? But it makes no sense, right? Why would you run back to the people that ruined your life? Why would you let your abusers back in, after pushing them away? From an outside perspective, it feels ridiculous to me, but I guess I understand it, don't I. Irrational feelings are just so stupid. So idiotic. They make everybody around you, everybody that wants to care, tired and spiteful. It makes friends that love you eventually just go "fine, kill yourself, whatever, it's not like you care about my opinion, even though I've cared about you this entire time".

If we're going to be blunt and honest, yeah, I don't care about anybody. I just want things. Want so much. I don't even know what I want, but I know I want a lot, too much. I'm just a parasite. A hateful and bitter and childish parasite that's tried to avoid accepting that, postured as though they're regretful, like they could change, but no. Can't change. I can only pretend, to lure in care and kindness, before trying to suck it all dry or berate the person offering compassion.

But, actually, no. No. That's the mistake I'm making. I can't commit fully and completely to fixing this mistake; I'm not deleting this Tumblr, but I am going to block messages, as already said. Like this, I'm allowing people to engage with this parasite, even though I can prevent that, which, yeah, I'll do that. By doing that, I'll avoid being a complete parasite. Now, you have nobody to blame but yourself for watching and caring. I'm just a corpse. There's nothing to care about. Walk away.

There are certain people that know my email, but none of them are ever going to contact me, and, if they did, I'd tell them to fuck off. Only one person knows my address, but they're somebody that doesn't exist to me and I don't exist to them, so that's fine. And that's it. Those are the only other avenues of communication I have to worry about, I think. Logging onto Discord later will be stressful, because unwelcome voices will likely be there to greet me, but that's okay. Ideally, I can just not look at the messages as I delete the account. Otherwise, it's just temporary pain and anger.

So, with this, hooray. I fixed a mistake. Now I can get back to just crying and whining without worrying about being talked to at all and acting as an actual parasite. Hopefully my follow count will plummet. None of you exist to me, and so there's no reason to keep watching, unless you're some sort of voyeur that finds all of this cathartic or otherwise enjoyable.

[user5726816393]

Please Do Not Read Unless I'm Dead - Seriously

This is going to seem dramatic, but even with being more attentive and changing my diet, my body still feels awful. Its only been like two days or so, but I get this sinking feeling its only gonna get worse and I've had to really consider my mortality. This really could be it. No matter how seriously I try to turn my life around, my liver might just fail me outright, and that's curtains. Show's over.

I'm not gonna just give up and die. Dying fucking terrifies me. There's so much left I want out of life. But I'm also definitely not going to be happy if I act like I know I'm gonna get through this and then abruptly kick the can. I don't think anyone's going to the trouble of regularly checking up on this 'whenever-I-feels-like-it' online journal. But if I do bite the dust and you're reading this, please share it with the rest of my loved ones.

To Mom: I'm sorry I went on ahead. I'm sorry for all the time I spent not taking life more seriously. I'm sorry I didn't take my health more seriously. I'm sorry for saying sorry so much. We didn't always see eye to eye growing up. And honestly, you weren't always right. Even now, I can confidently say that you were wrong some of those times. But I understand that almost everything you did for us, you did out of unconditional love. In the end, it was to have us live happy and fulfilling lives. I look back on my childhood really fondly. Growing up, I had been kind of embarrassed, thinking we were poor and didn't have much. But looking back on it now, I understand that you gave us everything. Truly, we wanted for nothing. Big family trips, Christmas morning, pets, allowances. We had it all because you worked your ass off for it. From before we got up, until after we got home from school, and through the weekends at times. You provided, you showed us so much love, and I had a great life and turned out a pretty good person because of it. Thank you, so much. Love you omma.

To David and Karen: I was a pretty shitty brother growing up, and I think I spent my adult life trying to make up for that with you guys. I don't know if I have. It's not really up to me to decide. I hope now that I'm gone, you guys could find it in yourselves to forgive me, or whatever else properly gives you closure. If shutting the door on our relationship and forgetting me accomplishes that, then do that. I'd just like to act like a big brother one last time, if this is the last thing you guys hear from me. Be good to mom. Go read her portion if you wanna see why. It took too long into my adult life to really appreciate that. She loves and is proud of us, all of us, unconditionally. In the very truest meaning of that word. I promise you that. I wish I spent more time with y'all. I wish I was a better brother. But I'm gonna do one last selfish thing, and ask that you guys be a force for good in the world. It's hard. Everything is fucked up. But I hope you can bear it and push on through. I love you guys. Live happy, fulfilling lives.

To the Boys (and Girls): Y'all, I done fucked up. Joking about my health bit me in the ass after all. I was ready to go into this making a bunch of jokes, because at some point in the past few years, I'd come to terms with the fact that our friendship was just about having fun. It was wrong to expect y'all to be my therapists and have rather heavy, vulnerable conversations with y'all. Our friendship wasn't really about that, and that would have been more stressful on the group anything meaningful or productive. But it doesn't mean that our friendship wasn't meaningful. You all showed your support and that you cared in other ways. Sometimes, the best things friends can do is just be there, being present and showing you cared. And I felt that. I knew if shit were to go down, y'all would have my back. I think fist fighting another group of assholes would have been a good bonding moment for us. I had some of the best laughs and most fun in my life with you guys and gals. Pour one out for your boy from time to time. Non-alcoholic though, cause you know, bad liver and all. Also, please wipe my browser history and destroy my hard drives, thanks.

To the Temple Fam: You guys weren't like a second family to me, you were my second family. Y'all are so blindingly bright and positive and good hearted people that I was embarrassed to be standing next to y'all. Honestly, it kind pissed me off how perfect you guys were. Lowkey kinda pissing me off thinking about it even now, haha. But despite all of that, I have never felt more welcomed and uplifted by others in my entire life. You were the warmth, and joy, and love I wanted to emulate into the rest of my life. I was a pretty angry, bitter teenager growing up and I genuinely think that if it weren't for the overflowing love, support, and sense of belonging you guys so generously shared with me, I wouldn't have turned out as good of a person as I think I am today. Never ever change, you guys.

To Everyone Else: I can't do personalized notes for everyone. Its too much. Honestly, it would be too much to even just name everybody. But I hope I carried myself as a person who appreciated the bond I had with you. I'm ultimately a really reserved person, but I really appreciate the shared experiences I have with people, even if ever so briefly. Every little bit of kindness, of mentorship, of just relating to me as another living being, with a world of complex thoughts and emotions has had a part in shaping who I turned out to be in the end. And in a sense, I hope some tiny part of me lives on through you all.

Thank you all for everything. I wouldn't say that I have no regrets, but I lived a very good and happy life thanks to you. I would gladly live this life with you all over again. Live well.

[schittsandgiggles]

work is just killing me

i’m so tired

i have uni work i’m behind on

and i’m so grateful i have a job but god i just want to sleep and stay home and do the right thing and self isolate

[fangirlstorycreator]

Can you do when we are overworking are self kk3 ck

Kk3: you had been struggling at work recently. Your boss was giving you lots more paperwork to do, and it was really getting to you. Your boss was an arrogant man who hated the women in the office, especially you. Because you turned him down when he asked me out, even when he knew you were with Terry. So this was his way of getting back at you. You had texted Terry to say that you were going to be late home, and not to wait up for you. It was about 11 o clock at night and you were still sat at your desk, rubbing your temples from a headache and feeling hungry and worn out. "Looks like you could use some company" came a voice from infront of you. You look up and see Terry! "Terry? How-what are you doing hear? How did you get in hear?" He grabs an office chair and sits at your desk with you. "The security guard knows me, and he knew that you were working late too" he moves a strand of hair away from your face, and he can see the bags under your eyes and your pale face. "You have been working to much baby, I'm taking you home now" "Terry I cant, I need to-" "you are not talking your way out of this. This is going to stop now. I have been on the phone with your asshole boss and his job is in danger if he continues to do this to you. And it's safe to say that he got the message" you exhale in relief, your shoulders fall and you feel so tired. Terry strokes your cheek and leans in close. "Come on baby, let's grab some Chinese on the way home, and get you some sleep" he says before kissing you gently. "How are you this perfect Terry?" He chuckles. "I dont know, I just am" you both laugh, and you take your things with you as Terry takes you home.

CK: you were sat at the computer desk in Terry's office, as you had to complete your online work for your job. You had been doing this for 3 days in a row, and didnt really get a chance to stop unless you were going to bed, and that was very late at night. Nearly 11-12 o clock. It was day 4 when you could feel your body and mind shut down. Your eyes hurt from constantly looking at the computer screen, you were getting repetitive strain injury from all the typing, you had a bad headache and your back and shoulders were killing you. You hid your face in your hands as your elbows leant on the desk, when Terry walks in and sees you. "Sweetheart? Are you still working?" "Yep" came your voice, a little muffled from your head being in your hands. You sit up and face Terry, and he sees your pale skin, red eyes and dark bags underneath your eyes. "I only have about 5 more emails left to do, but each one will take an hour to complete and read through. I honestly think I'm going to hit my mental wall in a minute" he gives you a concerned look and walks up to the desk. And he stands behind you as your sat down. "Come on sweetheart, you need to take a break. Let me help you relax" "I'd love to Terry but I need to get this done as soon as I-" your cut off all of a sudden by Terry, who starts to give you a lovely, pressured shoulder massage. Kneading his thumbs against the little knots in your muscles. Making you close your eyes and lean back against him. "There we go sweetheart. That's what you need. I think you have had enough work for now. Dont you think?" You smile up at him, with a look of relief in your eyes. "I think your right babe" he leans down and kisses you. "Now, why dont you get your shirt and bra off and lie down on our bed while I get the massage oil out? I can release all that tention your holding" "I love you so much terry" "I love you too sweetheart"

[iaintyourbro]

The Unknown Journey Continues

Part 1

I know it's been a while... but I've been going down a rabbit hole with @starlight-samurai regarding time loops, Jenova, Minerva, and more fun. So I figured I'd try to put it into one post to get the insanity out of my head. Everything in here is based on things we've found by either going through more obscure Ultimanias, learning more about Dirge of Cerberus and trying to decipher what the hell Jenova is by putting together various sources - including other Square Enix games - and how they handled freakishly similar scenarios.

Did you know there is a companion mobile game for it that was out on the good old flip phones? Did you know there was an online mode in Dirge of Cerberus only available in Japan, but had story elements that were not in the main game?

The sad part is, there's still so much to go through...

(I've also had various discussions with @ourfinalheaven, Manu, who doesn't have Tumblr, so here is her Twitter. and Somebody's Nightmare (here is her Twitter). So I wanted to tag them here, as it's much more fun to discuss these ideas as a group, since it'll only help you build on and strengthen your own ideas.)

Please be aware, there will be Spoilers for FFVII - Almost all Compilation titles, Xenogears, and NieR Automata throughout this.

So let's go on a journey where we explore what actually already exists in the compilation - including the idea of the whispers and timeloops - how Minerva may play into everything, and what exactly Jenova is capable of doing.

I asked Sesi if he'd ever played any of the NieR games, because he'd said something that made me wonder if they were going to take a similar approach. As a very, very quick high level summary: NieR Automata deals with a time loop type of idea. The androids will be rebooted and repeat the same things over and over again. This is broken when 2B is killed by A2 because she becomes infected with a virus. That being said, you have the option after Ending E to either erase all of your data and end the cycle OR you can try again. The Pods have a discussion, and one asks, "But won't they just do the same thing again?" and the other replies with "Maybe. But it could also be different this time."

Here's Sesi's message back to me when I asked him about this (cleaned up a bit since we were having a casual conversation over Discord):

Maybe I could just guess based comparatively on the Dirge storyline, because that was sort of SE's first flirtation with “robots and androids” since they’re all programmed and locked behind like task managers and shit that can shut them down. The story of the online mode for DoC that came out in Japan, we never got to see it, you’re basically an Android OC and you have to get to “the end of the level” and then essentially die, and a new one takes its place. This keeps happening until Weiss is essentially freed from being able to be task managed by the guys who are suppose to be able to control them and I know from tons of years with Square games that they’re verrrrry bad at differentiating their narratives they tend to just keep “ripping themselves off” so is it anything close to that?

Cuz if so I think I kinda know what you’re saying and yeah, I agree, I think with CC bringing in its poetic symbolism and LOVELESS, and DoC bringing back the cyclic nature of the lore, whispers, premonitions and future visions, proto-Materia and the perversion of this next cycle since the planet can no longer cleanse and protect itself and its will is weakening lesser and lesser to the point where it’s fate is “in a true sense of jeopardy This time essentially it’s all tied in together and sort of played as though it's a fated track; a cycle of events and something has hitched it, thus the whispers manifesting and Sephiroth's higher implied control over his destiny. Of course, even all that is just their new red herring game, but it’s definitely a part of the lore they want to play with, in order to go back and reMAKE the OG with the comp inserted from inception. Also gut punch a lot.

Time Loops

I was somewhat surprised to find out that this concept is NOT new to FFVII's universe. It's discussed in Dirge of Cerberus... probably one of the least played and least understood of the compilation. (Trying to sell a third person shooter with terrible controls to a market of mostly people used to turn-based combat wasn't going to go well.)

On top of it, we didn't even get all of it, since online mode was never released outside of Japan, and the Dirge of Cerberus Lost Episode was on Amp'd Mobile and Verizon flip phones back in 2006. Were you around for the cell phones in 2006? I had the ones on the list, and how somebody could play a game on those blows my mind.

Square has a tendency to reuse themes from their other titles. Probably one of the most blatant is the similarities between Xenogears and Final Fantasy VII. They were both being developed at the same time and a lot of ideas that didn't make it into FFVII ended up in Xenogears.

NieR

So how does this work? In NieR (both Replicant and Automata), you play the same path multiple times. Each time, it's slightly different depending on what side quests you did your first and second playthrough, but there's also other subtle differences throughout the story. In Automata, you get to play as 2B your first playthrough and 9S for your second. They follow the same path, but you get it from his perspective the second time and it reveals a bit more of what is going on. However, even with some slight differences, the main plot points stay the same and the ending result it also the same.

Then on your third playthrough, you wake up in the Bunker, and you're getting ready to go on a new mission. This time, though, 2B is killed and shit hits the fan. Things get crazy, you play as a new character: A2. In the end, pretty much everyone "dies", but you can choose to "reboot" and try again. You also can say you are done and let them all rest and delete your save data (the game gives you the option for both Automata and Replicant, and with Replicant, it actually leads to a new ending).

The striking thing for me is... There are certain events that will always happen, no matter what.

Fixed Points in Time

It's been years since I've watched Doctor Who, but there was something that stuck with me, and that was the fixed points in time. You can read about all of them here, but here's the basics:

Now, of course Doctor Who goes into this with much more detail and it's a recurring theme. However, as you read through that page, you'll probably find many aspects that have been used in various JRPGs that you've played. And Doctor Who most likely pulled some of the idea from classic Science Fiction novels. Each story puts its own spin on it.

How does this relate to FFVII Remake? Well, when they say that the major plot points will stay the same, it reminds me of this. No matter what, Cloud must fall into the Sector 5 Church, the Sector 7 Plate must be dropped, Aerith and Zack both must die, and Meteor has to be summoned, to name a few. So, with a time loop, those things would still have to take place in order to prevent a complete collapse of reality (at least in how Doctor Who uses it).

Therefore, the Whispers are ensuring that the Will of the Planet is followed.

One of the major themes in FFVII is that of loss. People die and they do not come back. Yes, other FF games do allow this to happen (FFX, FFXIII, FFXV), but VII is not those games. It was written with that idea in mind, that once a person dies, they, just like in real life, are dead and cannot be brought back.

I've previously written that I think they'll make us believe we are able to change fate, but we will eventually be slammed with the reality that we can't. That is because the planet has determined that certain events are fixed points.

Xenogears

Xenogears takes a bit of a different approach to the loop idea. Instead of repeating the same time period over and over, it has the characters reincarnated, and the same outcome happens each time: Elly dies. However, each time it's different. After all, they're in various time periods, in some cases thousands of years apart.

In all of the lives of Fei (who will have a different name in each time period) and Elly (who is always Elly/Elhaym), Elly will end up dying trying to protect Fei and the others. In one life, she is a religious figure at a totally not Catholic church, in another she's the wife of a scientist who was working to create children from nanomachines due to mass infertility issues. But she is ALWAYS with Fei, even if his name changes.

In her Mother Elhaym time, this is when Lacan (Fei) finally snaps. Though he's not fully aware of his past lives, he becomes aware, the anger consumes him, and he becomes Grahf. Fei is then reborn into the time period you play the game in.

There's a lot to unpack with this, so I won't go into it. Grahf wants to destroy God (Deus) because he thinks if he does, then it'll stop the suffering (his suffering).

If you do want to read more about Grahf, you can do so here, but it probably won't make much sense unless you've played Xenogears up to that point... Since it's much later in the game that this is all explained.

Lacan's desire was to stop the cycle of Elly always sacrificing herself for his sake. Though Grahf is not a perfect existence - he's not fully "The Contact", he sacrifices himself in order to let Fei move forward, and hopefully stop the cycle, by destroying the Deus system. (Elly also tries to sacrifice herself here, but Fei goes after her and stops her.)

Now, some people may think I'm saying that Cloud or somebody is going to do this in order to save Aerith or Zack (or his village or mom), but in FFVII if they do the loop method, I don't think Cloud, Tifa, Barret, and the others are aware of it. Most likely, it's only 'Sephiroth' and Aerith who are aware of it.

How this Could Be used for Final Fantasy VII

I'm stressing could because there's so many different possibilities on how they use this (if they are using this), so please, don't take this as fact. This is based on speculation based on what we know.

A time loop is a great way to explain away the differences in the story that we've seen: Biggs being alive, Wedge living for longer than he should have, etc. Since these are not major plot changes, they can simply say that this time it'll be slightly different... but your fixed points (major plot points) will remain the same.

It's a way to pull in some of the more obscure themes from Dirge of Cerberus and also play with the LOVELESS lore.

It could all simply be a big red herring and it's really just a remake of OG, but with the compilation tied together nicely... since it works much better when it's combined and not in 50 different games, books, movies, etc.

I don't think it's a "sequel" per say, not in the way I generally perceive a sequel. It's more of a loop of the same thing. The question is, when is the loop started and what will cause it to end? When will the planet (if it even is the planet) determine that it's good enough to begin moving forward?

JENOVA, Sephiroth, Genesis, and Minerva - Oh My!

Let's be real... Genesis isn't exactly the most popular character in the FFVII Compilation... but what if they make him one of the most important to the story? //Ducks as various fruits and vegetable are thrown in my direction//

I think what Genesis is probably most known for is his love of LOVELESS. He has the entire thing memorized and randomly says lines from it throughout Crisis Core. LOVELESS lore is still something I'm trying to grasp, so I am not going to comment much on it. Once I understand it more, I'll update this.

...And then this happens. The secret ending for Dirge of Cerberus, where Genesis picks up Weiss. Weiss, who has now been introduced along with Nero in FFVII INTERmission and is an optional ridiculously hard boss in the Shinra battle simulator in chapter 17 of the main story. There is some lore associated with the battle sim - so if you don't plan on beating it or you just can't, you can look up the pre-battle and post-battle cut scenes on YouTube. They're very short, but interesting. (I beat this asshole last night - it's a hell of a fight.)

....To Be Continued because apparently Tumblr won't allow more than 10 images per post now.... Next will be more on JENOVA and Sephiroth along with Minerva.

[mashup-writing]

If only you were here; Hwang Yeji (ITZY)

--------------------------------------------------

Summary: Yeji was the leader, she couldn't afford to be seen being anything less than perfect for the role. No crying, being sad, or feeling any kind of negativity. But she's only human, and being human means letting your emotions run through you.

Requested? ☒

"Miles away from seeing you."

--------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶--------------------

She was exhausted. Today's schedule was nothing but hectic, from interviews to filming for music videos. All Yeji had wanted to do was be with her girlfriend, to have her take away the stress, to run her fingers through her hair, to hold her like doing so was the only thing keeping her together. But with Y/N visiting her hometown? The best she could do was a facetime.

She loved her job, her members, and their MIDZYs. She really does. But sometimes the high life takes more from you than it gives. Lately her girls have been facing prejudiced hate from a bunch of ruthless people online. Lia was being branded as "Lazy" and it made the leader's blood boil, among all five of them Lia was the one who spends the most time in the practice room, especially when she has trouble with some of the choreography. She remembers a memory of theirs that included Lia almost passing out of exhaustion in the practice room, Yeji herself wasn't enough to pull the pale and sluggish girl out of there. If Yuna's maturity and hidden stern-ness hadn't reared their heads then she has no doubt that Lia would've ended up in a hospital bed.

Chaeryeong is under fire for "Being Ugly" and all Yeji could do was scoff at the stupidity of the false accusation. Despite Yeji being Y/N's girlfriend, Chaeryeong was the latter's bias. This information had her shocked, Chaeryeong smug, and worst of all: It gave Ryujin a field day. Which resulted in getting the other three members in on teasing her. "Anyone who catches Y/N's eye is fucking beautiful" she mutters to herself. Not to toot her own horn but Y/N has an eye not only for gorgeous looking people, most times those she ends up liking are great people with great personalities. Your ex, Ahn Hyejin of Mamamoo is a damn great example of that.

Another one of her members under fire is Yuna, the baby of their new little family. Knets had a field day when it was found out that the Maknae wasn't originally planned to become a part of ITZY. Jumping on the chance to poke at the youngest's insecurity, thry took to saying that she wasn't good enough to be with them, much less have debuted at all. That's bullshit, and she won't leave room for argument. Yuna is the glue that holds them together, the friend that they can't imagine not having even when they've been a group for less than a year. She stands up to Yeji without being disrespectful when the leader is being too strict or controlling. She pulls Lia out of her workaholic state whenever it starts to become detrimental instead of beneficial. She is the one carrying Ryujin's ass whenever the latter thinks her dad jokes are funny. She's the one to calm Chaeryeong down backstage whenever the latter is feeling nervous, anxious or on the verge of a breakdown.

Ryujin's a reliable friend through and through, but if the fate of the world was decided by the rapper's ability to tell a funny joke? Yeji bets that they all would've died ages ago, she's better at joking around with actions than she is with words. Which leads to some people labeling some of Ryujin's actions as "Bullying". Yeji admits to herself that, yes. To the untrained eye it does seem as if Ryujin's the type, she has the face of a villain when she wants to look intimidating after all. But the rapper is also the softest person she has ever known in her life, testified by the one time they had a pillow fight in the dorm. In the heat of the moment, Ryujin's slipper got thrown and it knocked a Lizard dead off their wall. The pillow fight abruptly ended with four members trying to make her feel less guilty over the critter's untimely death.

Lia interjected that had the moment been captured on camera, some MIDZYs would be making a meme of how they'd like to be that "Lucky" lizard. Ryujin cried harder, because the lizard was not at all "Lucky" in her opinion.

--------------------------------------------------

Yeji was so lost in her own thoughts and so fatigued that she didn't even realize that she had finished changing from her performance outfit to the clothes she wore before clocking in for work. It was only when she had closed the door to her dorm room did she realize how tired she actually was. She was thankful she had been given her own room instead of bunking with someone else again, she's not too sure she could make it up in a bunk bed if she was still roommates with someone.

She crashes onto the bed and pulls out her phone. Most days she would get some shut eye and just facetime her girlfriend in the morning, but at the moment she thinks she'll end up in a mental ward if she goes another second without hearing her Y/N speak. So despite the fact that she can't feel her legs anymore and that her eyelids are growing heavier by the second, she calls.

Ring

Ring

Ring

--------------------------------------------------

Ring

Ring

Ring

You're pulled from the coziest and most comfortable sleep you've fallen into for the night by a constant ringing. You rub your eyes and turn towards your nightstand where your phone is located. "Who in their right fucking mind would be calling at this hour?" You grab your phone and the caller photo snaps you out of your mood before you even see the caller's name.

You hurriedly turn on your lamp on the nightstand and then proceeded to hit answer. "YEJ- whoa, not that I'm unhappy to see you but you look like you should be asleep instead. You look tired as hell Yej. Did you eat yet? How about water? Please stay away from dehydration and be sure to drink regularly." Yeji smiles at you, with her eyes drooping every now and then. "Yeah, I should be asleep but I just missed you so much I couldn't sleep without seeing you first."

You sit up and lean against the head board instead of laying down, your worry increasing tenfold. "What's wrong?" Yeji knows how to prioritize her health first and she never calls you half asleep because she had always claimed that you deserved nothing less than her full attention. She never calls you half asleep unless she's alarmingly close to losing her composure. Her eyes widen as soon as the question leaves your mouth, and a sniffle makes its way through the line. She burried her face in her arm and struggles with wanting to tell you and wanting to fake being strong with you.

You sense the dilemma within your girl and you refuse to let her carry this alone. "Hey, I'd never force you to spill. But I am always gonna be here to listen to your troubles. I already know how strong you are, you've got nothing more to prove. Let it out and I'll be here to support you." Yeji's resolve crumbles and she cries as she tells you everything that's been weighing her down today. She cries because of the unfairness of it all, she cries about how she can't protect her girls, she cries about how she wants nothing more than to wrap them up in a hug and not let go until they're all better but the girls just like their leader want to seem strong and untouchable for each other.

Yeji cries about how she wishes she was with you instead of working, she cries about how guilty she feels for sometimes wishing that they never had to go through the unfairness that the idol life had to offer, she cries about how she feels like she's disappointing the MIDZYs for feeling as she feels. She cries because it's just the start of their journey and she's already so tired. She cries because it's the only way she knows how to get rid of the stress, even if it's just a temporary solution.

What hurts you the most is that she doesn't look at you as she says this. You're a MIDZY after being Yeji's girlfriend and it you don't miss the way she chokes up even more when she said she feels like she's disappointing the fandom. You let your girlfriend let it all out before taking a moment to pull yourself together, and then you speak.

"I can't and I won't tell you that I understand how you feel as an Idol because I'm not one. But as a MIDZY, I can and I will tell you that you were born to be the leader of ITZY, no one else could step up to that role as well as you do even if they tried. Tell the girls I told you to let the haters run their mouths, because we MIDZYs know that each and every one of you brings something special to the table. ITZY isn't ITZY if it doesn't have Hwang Yeji, Choi Jisu, Shin Ryujin, Lee Chaeryeong and Shin Yuna as the members. You girls are a fucking unit and you are all strong enough to knock those bitches speechless."

You stare at Yeji the whole time and notice that although her body has stopped shaking, her tears are still making their way down her cheeks. You take in every detail of her face and wish with everything within you that you were there with her to wipe her tears and hold her close. In your opinion, words aren't enough but you suppose due to the distance between you two that you've gotta work with what you have at the moment. Right now all you have are feelings and words.

"Now as your girlfriend." Yeji's head adjusts enough that you could see half of her face, but the other half still remains buried in her arm. "I'm telling you that you can never disappoint me." She chuckles in humor before turning her gaze away from her phone. "You don't know that, I'm not perfect-"

"I never said you were."

Silence sits between the two of you. Not once in your whole relationship had you intentionally interrupted Yeji when she was speaking, you strongly believed that everyone deserved a chance to speak their piece. But that had exceptions. Such as now. "I never said you were perfect, because you're not. You're human and you have your flaws but believe me when I say that you could never disappoint me, despite the fact that humans weren't designed to be perfect you still work on yourself everyday trying to polish all the rough edges, trying to better yourself not for anyone or anything but yourself because you really want to be better than you were in the past. How could I be disappointed in someone as noble as that?"

You notice that she's now actively fighting to keep her eyes open and you smile. "You okay for now?" She nods and you continue. "Then go to sleep, God knows you both need and deserve a good night's rest. I'll call you back tomorrow when you wake up, so you can tell me about everything else your sleep addled brain forgot to tell me tonight."

Yeji uncovers the other half of her face and eyes stare at her screen that shows your face, now more than ever she wishes she was there with you, to thank you and hold you for everything you've said and for the way you've calmed her down. She promises herself that once you meet back up in person, she'll make it up to you. But for now words will have to do.

"Thank you Y/N. I love you."

Your smile grows wider and Yeji swears she's ready to make a fool out of herself just to ensure that that smile never fades away from your face. You take your a moment to memorize the candid details of Yeji's face before replying. "I love you too Yeji. Good night." Both of you wave goodbye and as heavy of an action it was, you take the initiative to end the call because you know that if you left it up to your girlfriend she would never hit that End Call button.

--------------------------------------------------

Yeji places her phone on the nightstand by her bed.

Y/N lies back down properly on the bed.

The two stare straight ahead of them, eyes unfocused.

They take a deep breath before closing their eyes, ignoring the need that courses through their hearts.

"I'll be with her soon enough."

--------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶--------------------

A/N: I think this is the longest fic I've written on this app? Why the hell is there too little ITZY content on this app? it feels like drought istg 😭😭

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3.6k

Warnings: smut, swearing, Dom vibes, dirty talk

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 14 Part 16

Part 15

After lunch, Liam took me on a tour of his house. We skipped the ground floor as I had already seen pretty much everything.

The first floor was a complete mystery to me. First, Liam showed me his study. It had two desks; on one, Liam had a fancy-looking PC, the other had a laptop and scripts and other paperwork scattered around. It had a large built-in bookcase with only a few books in it, most of them mine. I frowned at this. For an avid reader, he had a small collection. There was also a tiny bathroom, a guest bedroom which Liam says sometimes Ryan stays in.

The last room was a cinema room, all painted black with three rows of reclining chairs set on raised platforms with a projector screen. "This is fantastic," I said. There were cupboards, also black to store discs. When I opened them, I saw Liam's movie collection was also surprisingly bare. "For someone in the film industry, you don't have a lot of movies."

"I do, but most of them are back in London. It's the same thing with all my books and half my wardrobe. I don't know how long I'll be here. If the show is a success and gets picked up for another series, I might ship some of it here."

I let his words sink in. I don't know why, but it never really occurred to me that he may pick up and leave in six months. I felt myself close up and shut down. Regret started to set in. I tried to ignore it and tell myself to cross that bridge when the time comes. I forced a smile as I closed the cupboards and said to Liam, "What's next?"

We went up to the second floor. Liam's bedroom was there with another two bedrooms and a sitting room. The final floor was where the real master bedroom was. It had the gorgeous bathroom we were in last night and a huge bedroom that took up nearly the whole space. It had an even bigger wardrobe than Liam's, split in two with distinct areas for each partner. The bedroom had its own lounge area, and the whole room was arranged like a hotel suite complete with en-suite balcony and city views. It was exceptional. I was so blown away by the house, mansion really, that for a while, I forgot to worry about the future.

"Why didn't you use this as your bedroom? It's amazing."

Liam shrugged. "I did when I first moved in. But it was too big for just me. I felt lonely up here, and it was that bit harder for Cole to come and see me. I almost moved down to the first-floor bedroom, but it doesn't have a dressing room, so I went to the one I'm in now. What do you think?"

I was leaning on the balcony railing, looking towards the city. The trees were a colourful mix of green, red and gold. A few were starting to lose their leaves. It was so pretty. I felt Liam come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. He put his chin on my shoulder, and we both looked out towards the city. "Of the house? It's amazing. I don't know how else to describe it. I mean, it's a bit much for me. I'd cry if I had to clean it. But I assume you have cleaners?" Liam nodded. "Yeah, I wouldn't live in a place this big without a cleaner."

"I'm glad you like it. I want you to be comfortable when you come over."

I interlaced my fingers with his and held them against my belly. "I'm definitely comfortable right now." We stood there for a while and relaxed into each other. Thoughts of Liam leaving reared it's ugly head a few times, but I ignored it. Instead, I focused on now. All I could do was enjoy the time I had with Liam and make the best of it.

Soon the wind started to pick up, and I grew cold. Liam took me back inside.

"I've got to work out for a bit," Liam said as we took the stairs down. "Do you think you can keep yourself occupied for an hour or so?"

"I could join you if you want? I didn't go to the gym yesterday so I could do with some exercise."

"Yeah, ok, let do it."

Liam went into his dressing room, and I changed in his room. I put on a pair of white and black ankle grazer tights and a white sports bra. I felt good in it and knew I looked good too. I went over to the chair to put my shoes and socks on and caught Liam looking through the door.

He was dressed already in shorts and a singlet. Guys always seem to get dressed so quickly. It takes me ages to dress unless I'm in a rush. Liam leaned in the doorway, arms crossed over his broad chest, watching me. I ignored him as I did my shoes up.

"You look good in that." He said. I caught myself straightening my back, and a warm tingle flowed through me. I liked his little compliments.

"Thanks," I said, getting up. I put my hair in a ponytail, deliberately sticking my chest out as I did.

"Is that what you normally wear to the gym?"

"I usually wear a singlet over the top."

"But not today?" A smile spread over his face.

I smiled and said airily, "Nope, not today."

"I know what you're doing, Sweetheart." He walked past me, patting my bottom as he did. I tried to look innocent. "Come on. Let's go."

Liam put some music on and got started. Cole heard the music and came in, plopping himself on his mat in the corner. I blocked both of them out as much as I could and focused on the music. I was not going to get caught looking at Liam. I was going to make him look at me.

I got on the bike to do a bit of cardio. After warming up, I spent 10 minutes doing some interval training and worked up a decent sweat. I went over to the barbell, removed several weights, muttering "fucking hero" under my breath. I started my weights with a few sets of deadlifts. I noticed Liam in the corner of my eye with a kettlebell. He was sweaty too and looked amazing doing his lifts, but I pulled my eyes away. He was watching me. Good. I tried hard to keep the smirk off my face, but it was bloody difficult.

I focussed on my next exercise. I changed the weight again for the overhead press. These were hard for me, as my upper body was weaker than my lower body. I did these as quickly as possible because I hated them and only did them now because I knew they would drive Liam to distraction.

I did some goblet squats with a dumbbell before moving to my favourite, the weighted hip thrust. I got the barbell again, sat with my back against a bench, and brought the barbell to my hips. I planted my feet, and exhaling, I leaned back onto the bench, squeezing my glutes until my upper body and hips are straight. Then I lowered and exhaled again and repeated the exercise. When I had finished the set, I lowered myself to the floor and rested.

"Do you do that at the gym?" Liam asked.

I didn't look at him, knowing I would smile if I did. "Yeah. Why? Am I doing it wrong?" I knew full well I was doing it right.

"No, your form is lovely," I ordered myself not to blush. Liam paused and asked, "Are there men at your gym?" Got him.

"Yeah, it's usually 75% men."

"Lucky bastards." I looked at him and giggled. I wanted to smack myself. I was trying to be sexy, not a fucking child. He was sitting on a bench press. His legs were on either side of the bench, and his elbows rested on his knees. He was still sweating, his curls plastered to his forehead. His arms glistened. I wanted him to fuck me so badly.

Composing myself, I said. "I have another set to do."

"I'm finished." He said, "Go ahead. I'll wait."

I got back into position and repeated the set. When I finished, I lowered myself back to the floor. Liam asked. "Done yet?" Liam was standing now. He had moved closer and had his hands on his hips.

"One more." I was excited. My heart rate was raised, not just from the exercise.

Liam growled impatiently.

I started my last set, and my body was trembling. I didn't know if I could do the full set. I was too excited, too turned on. Liam entered my field of vision, watching me as I worked. I wasn't going to be able to do it with him watching. I closed my eyes, found my focus, and continued.

As I finished and rolled the barbell away, Liam lifted it and put it away. I laid down on my back and stretched out my muscles.

Liam stood over me. "You did that on purpose." It wasn't a question.

Still trying to play innocent, I said, "I don't know what you're talking about. I was just working out."

"Get up."

"I'm stretching."

"You're done. Get up."

I smiled at him and put my hand out. "Help me up?"

He grasped my hand and lifted me. He pulled me close and kissed me hard. "You're a fucking tease." He said. He didn't let me go. He held me tighter, his hand resting on my arse.

I started to protest that I didn't know what he was talking about, but he spanked me and said. "Don't deny it." He said, lifting me and wrapping my legs around his waist. "You know you were trying to get me hard." I could feel him against me. It had worked. "Since it worked, you can deal with it." His voice had taken on the gravelly tone he used when he was turned-on. It thrilled me. I put my arms around Liam's neck. Kissing me again, he walked out of the room. His lips tasted salty as I kissed him back.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked.

"I'm giving you what you want. I'm going to fuck you."

"I didn't say that I wanted that," I said. Oh, but I did want that.

"You didn't have to," Liam said. He pushed me against the wall in the elevator as he pressed the button. "You know what to say if you want me to stop." He looked me in the eyes, "Anytime you want me to stop, I will. Don't hesitate or do anything you don't want to." I nodded to show him I understood. "Good."

When the lift opened, he took me to the bathroom we had used last night. I chuckled when I saw his clothes were still in a pile on the floor. He had let the water out of the bath and replaced my robe.

Liam took me over to the shower. "Shoes off," he said, and I took my shoes and socks off while he did the same. "Let your hair down." I pulled the band out and shook my hair until the curls fell around my shoulders. "Take your pants off." I lowered my tights slowly and stepped out of them. Liam did the same I could see how hard he was now. He continued to tell me to undress as he did the same until we both stood, our bodies bare.

He was beautiful standing there naked and hard. His arms looked more impressive than usual because of his work out. I wanted to touch him. I stepped closer to him and put my hand on his bicep. I felt my way up his arm, over his shoulder and across his collarbone. I stood on my toes to kiss his neck while I felt his chest. I reached my hands around his back and pressed myself against him. "Get in," he said. "Hurry."

I let him go and got into the shower. The temperature was perfect, and I let the water run all over me. I ran my hands through my hair to make sure it was all wet before turning around and facing Liam. He turned me around until I met the wall and used his body to shepherd me until my whole body was against it.

The tiles were cold, instantly making my nipples grow hard and tingly, sending ripples of pleasure down to my sex. My arms were pulled behind my back, elbows bent and forearms next to each other. Liam's body pushed into me, holding them there. In this position, I was helpless, and at his will, he could do what he wanted. It excited me. My whole centre throbbed. I wanted him. He was taking too long.

Liam's knees forced my legs apart, and I could feel my slick arousal on my thighs. He tilted my hips so my bottom jutted out. I thought of how I must look, arse out, legs apart, arms behind my back with my breasts and face pushed into the wall, his huge body covering mine. He leaned his head on the tiles next to mine, and his teeth nipped at my ear. I shivered in pleasure, in desperation and need.

I cried out in shock and relief as I felt Liam's fingers reaching around and parting my slit. "Fuck," he growled into my ear. "You feel so fucking good." He found my clit and played with me.

I cried out. I was so aroused I was almost too sensitive for his touch to feel good. I tried to pull away, but Liam's hold was firm. His fingers followed my every movement, not willing to let go until their mission was complete. He kissed and bit my neck and shoulders, adding more sensations to my already overwhelmed body. I didn't think I'd be able to take it.

Then it felt good, better than good, and I was able to stay still and let him have me. Liam's fingers danced over me. My cries quickened, and my body felt tight. I knew my climax was fast approaching.

Liam knew too. "Are you going to cum, Lana?" He stopped kissing me and watched my face. I couldn't say anything. I was too strung out, too close. I nodded as best I could. Liam put his hand into my hair and pulled my head back.

"After you cum I'm going to stick my cock into your tight wet pussy and fuck you until I cum. Is that what you wanted, Lana? Is that what you wanted when you got dressed in your skin-tight clothes? When you wore that bra that pushed your perky little tits together? When you lifted those weights, and I had to watch you thrust your arse and hips around? Is this what you wanted?" I tied to say yes, but instead, I came undone.

Liam kissed me, his mouth consuming me, his tongue owning my mouth as little aftershocks rippled through me. He took what little breath I had, and I was left gasping. The sound of the shower was suddenly thunderous in my ears as my senses returned. The stream of water was hot against my cooling skin, but it felt good. I was still gasping when I felt Liam's cock at my entrance. He stood up straight, releasing my hair and arms. Although they ached, I put my arms against the wall to brace for what I knew was to come.

His hands steadied my hips as his cock parted me, opening me up to him. I heard him groan as he entered me. I was tight from my orgasm, but I was so wet and relaxed he slid in quickly. His size stretched me until I was full, and he had sheathed himself completely. He wasted no time and immediately ploughed into me. Each thrust was rough, almost reaching the point of painful, but always just shy. I pushed back into him, arching my back further to give his movements more room.

His fingers dug deep into my hips as he forced them back to meet his. Each push seemed to elicit a deep exhale from Liam's throat, a growl that grew more shallow with each moment. I heard him bellow as his hands reached up for my shoulders. He pulled my shoulders down as he pushed so hard into me, I thought I would split in two. He held me there for a moment as he let go into me, and I cried out, unsure if it hurt or felt like heaven. I felt him release inside me, pulling me down while he pushed into me. I almost cried no more, but it would have been a lie because the hurt was too sweet.

Liam's head lulled onto my back as he released my shoulders and regained his breath. He lifted his head to turn me around. With my back against the tiles, he once more leaned into me, this time just to hold me, his head buried in my neck. I held him to me, wanting his comfort, and he kissed my neck softly, moving up to my face and kissing my lips.

He was smiling as he brushed my hair off my face. Then he moved me under the water. He found the body wash, couldn't find a sponge or anything so he just used his hands to wash me. He ran his hands all over my body, and it felt heavenly. He rubbed my shoulders, massaging deep into me, his thumbs moving so deeply they almost hurt. Any tension I had left fell away, and I felt light and free. He gave himself a quick wash before he stepped out and brought me a robe and slipped one on himself.

"Finally, you decide to cover up," I said as I watched him use a towel to dry his hair. His curls were a cute little mess on his head almost fluffing up like a duckling.

"Yeah, righto mate." He said, using my slang back at me.

I laughed. "Seems I'll make an Aussie out of you yet."

"Pull your head in," Liam said, complete with a halfway decent accent.

"What the hell? I don't think I've told you that one!"

Liam smiled and kissed me on the nose. "That one I learned from Boyd."

"Who's Boyd?"

"Boyd McCarthy. He is going to play my best friend. He's helped me out with a few phrases. However, I don't entirely trust him. He tried to get me to believe in drop bears."

"I like him already," I said as I gathered my clothes.

"Well, you'll meet him on Thursday."

"I still don't know what to wear to that."

Liam had his clothes, and we went downstairs. "I can take you shopping tomorrow if you'd like."

"I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Usually, high-end fashion boutiques or department stores."

I thought for a minute. We had arrived in the bedroom, and Liam went into his dressing room.

"Ok. I think a department store. They will have everything I need, shoes and a bag. We won't have to go to a million places."

"If you want to go to a few boutiques as well, I don't mind. We can take as long as you want."

I shook my head. "I don't like clothes shopping. I order most of my stuff online. I'd rather spend a day online shopping than dealing with crowds in shopping centres. I'm only agreeing to go into a shop because I have no idea what's in fashion or if I enough time to get the right dress online." I looked at my bag, "Hey Liam, what are we doing for dinner? Are we staying in?"

"What does it look like?" Liam came out in his tracksuit pants.

"Fair enough, tracky dacks it is."

Part 16

[daemonsrhaenyras]

The thing is, as you age and grow, Fandom itself also grows and changes. Fandom websites evolve or die off or get shut down. New website are created and Fandoms flock toward them. And, as you age, the way you interact and connect with your fandoms might also change, and that's all okay.

When I first entered fandom sometime in 2004, Youtube didn't even exist yet. So, fanvideos weren't nearly as popular as they are today. But within a few years, I was searching for fanvids for my favorite ships (in such low quality video, wow!). A lot of my favorite songs from around middle school were songs that weren't popular on the radio, but ones I heard in fanvideos and then started following the artists. My mom had to buy me a couple CD's online from like Ebay or something because I wanted them so bad but they were from groups not even from my country.

I wrote my first fic in 2005 years before AO3 was created. It's still up on FFN, not because it is good (it's not horrible, but I'd like to think I've improved), but because it means a lot to me. Most fandoms have moved to AO3 now for fanfiction for many reasons, and, in fact, AO3 was created by adult members of fandom.

Fandom gave me a reason to really question and explore my sexuality and discover that I was bisexual.

Adult members of fandom are most often the ones who build or moderate groups or websites. They organize meetups or conventions. They put together fandom events that run smoothly because they've been around to see how to do it.

And as you grow up it is entirely possible that you'll grow out of fandom, but is also equally possible that you won't, and that is absolutely okay. Fandoms need adult members to provide a bit of structure, to model discussion and Discourse in a healthy way (that hopefully adults will do), to guide newer members of all ages toward resources, and a bunch or other things you don't even think about.

As to the 'not wanting other people to find out' bit, I totally get that. There is not one person I went to middle or high school with that I told about my fan-ish habits. And there is still (10 years later) no one currently in my life who is truly aware of it. But that's okay. It can totally be something just for you. I always just said things like "I like to read stories" or "I like to write" or "I mess around in Photoshop sometimes" and skirt the specifics, because they don't really matter. If you keep your fan-ish and personal social media separate then no one should ever know unless you trust them enough to tell them.

I had a friend in college who I found out shared similar interests, and we bonded through that. We drifted apart, but she never judged me for it because she also was in fandom. I also had a coworker a few years ago who I mentioned having a tumblr to after we spent like 2 hours discussing various tv shows while working. They're on tumblr as well and follow me (so, hey! if you caught this).

And, to the BTS of it all. RPF (and art) is not really any different than fanfiction based on anything else. The only times it gets dicey (for me anyway, everyone has their own lines) is when it gets directly blasted at the real people themselves. If you are keeping your fanworks to fan spaces and not trying to get them specifically (via @-ing them on twitter or something) to see it then it is absolutely fine.

The hobbies you love are the hobbies you love, and as long as it doesn't cause harm to other people, there is nothing wrong with that. And people might judge, but as you get older, I swear, you will either not care what others think about it, or you will keep it a private thing for you, and both are normal.

i see the younglings post things like "are you still on tumblr at 30?" and "go take care of your kids instead of reading fics"

and i just feel sad

because you have a bunch of young people who are terrified of getting older.

they think age is going to change them, into something boring, something different, something grey.

and i just want to tell them, reassure them:

you will still be the same person.

isn't it wonderful?

you will love the things you love for so many years. you will find joy in the same things, decade after decade. you will feel the same inside, through all this time.

yes, the body will change. yes there's more responsibilities, less time, even less energy.

but there's no magical age where you stop enjoying that specific story, that specific game, that specific hobby.

but you know what also comes with age?

you have less fucks to give.

[ladyjmontilyet]

talking about Stressful Life Things under the cut

CW: college, housing crisis, money issues, depression

---

so i scheduled an appointment with the Careers Office tomorrow because I'm seriously thinking of dropping out of my college course. i really, really, really loved being online and in lockdown. i have tried and tried to keep up with people in person but i just can't seem to. it's impossible for me to get any work done when i get home and i can't focus in class because of a combination of sensory issues and social anxiety.

the disability support office said they can't do anything about the delivery of my course and did not seem to offer any alternatives. there's not really much they can do about someone who starts to shut down when they hear Too Many Noises. i've tried wearing ear plugs but I can still hear through them and, worse, i hear my own body's sounds in addition to the muffled background.

i do not have any optimism for my future. i have hated living in ireland almost my entire life. it is too small and small-minded and whatever the most efficient way of doing something is, we do the opposite. but i still feel mentally scarred from working full-time and i'm on Disability Allowance right now. i do not think i ever want to marry and i definitely am not fit to be a parent. as such, there is nothing to supplement my €11,440 income from Disability (that's next year's figures - in 2022 my total income is €10,816).

i have always hated living with my parents. their space is too cluttered. but i am aware that i am also difficult to live with. i would love a small little studio to myself but those don't really exist in ireland. i looked up rents in my county right now (not just the city) and one bedrooms are going for the same price as two bedrooms. If my monthly income from January will be €880 per month how could I ever afford €1500 a month in rent? Yes, that's right. The cheapest one bedroom apartment in my entire county right now is €1500. The list for social housing is at least six years long and counting. I should have signed up years ago but it seemed too complicated and I was too stressed.

If I leave college now I will never be able to afford it again. In Ireland tuition is covered by the State unless you repeat. So if I started a new course it would be more expensive the first year - I can barely afford the €3k a year in student contribution as it is. I do not qualify for grants because I live with my parents so even though I'm on social welfare they means test my parents instead of me because they class me as a "mature dependent." Online classes are more expensive. The Open University costs over £19,000 for a Bachelors.

I have no hope for my future. None at all. I cannot truly work from home because I hate my home. I cannot go out to work every day because it exhausts me.

I feel like an utter failure. Nothing has changed since I was 16. There isn't a single aspect of my life that I'm happy with. i am alone, unskilled, unmotivated, fat, disorganised, incompetent. I thought i'd moved past this. turns out i just thrive in pandemic conditions and when society is operating as usual i'm just utterly useless.

[e11evenkeys]

Pitch: The Adventures of Danger Rabbit- Chapter 2 Friendly Friendly (part 2)

By the time I got BJ home, it was getting late. With it being the weekend, I knew Dad wouldn't mind my staying out a little longer, but it's not like I could walk any faster. I spent a long while trekking from one side of town to the other. BJ and her family stayed in West Point while Wes lived down the street from me in Opic on the east side of town.

Creatures were normal in everyday life, but it was always like wandering into another world when I got to visit Wesson's house. His family had a home with doors, windows, and walls, but those were the only normality's clearly present. Of course, a family of satyrs lived differently from a family of humans. Their house appeared to be carved from a single dark wood tree with bark strong enough to stand changing weather. Their plants grew like a garden on steroids. Sides of their walls were covered in vines, moss, and overgrowth. There were always wild animals like squirrels or raccoons in their bushes. Most satyrs were animal-loving, light-hearted, naturalist, so it made sense that they preferred to live in a place similar to the wilds of a forest. Even the inside of their house seemed similar to outdoors. The floors were a type of lush grass that imitated carpet. They had electricity and running water, but it was sparingly present throughout the house. I loved visiting Wes at his place. Hanging out in his room was like going camping without giving up WIFI.

When I made it to Wesson's place, he was waiting for me on the front porch. He let me inside and took me to his bedroom upstairs. His parents didn't own cars, so I wasn't sure whether or not we had the place to ourselves. Once inside his room, he shut the door behind us.

"You said you needed my ears for something," I asked while Wes jumped into his bed and laid in it stretching out while I took a seat across from him in a wooden chair at his desk.

"Yeah, man," he sat up before he continued. "So I have this snake in my wall," he said.

I'm sure there were several animals throughout his house, but how he spoke told me the snake was an irregularity.

"Why is there a snake in your wall?"

"It got out of its tank," he said as if he'd answered the implied question.

"Since when do you have a pet snake?"

"It's not mine. It's the schools."

"Why do you have the school's snake?"

"They were gonna cut him open in biology class."

"Ok..." I said, waiting for him to continue.

"Ms. Harper told me to bring him back, and if I don't, they'll expel me from school."

"There's only a week left in school, though."

"My dad won't care if it's one week or 10," he said.

Wesson's parents weren't strict by most standards. They let him go to school without wearing pants after all, but the standards magical creatures held their kids to in our town could often be high. Or so I was told.

"I've never hunted anything before," I said as we stood up.

"You can hear really well, though, can't you?"

"Yea, but you can talk to animals."

"I have to know where it is before I can talk him out. Come on, man, I'll owe you."

"Alright, Alright."

I didn't want to promise I'd find his snake when I still hadn't seen my pet rabbit after six years. Unsure of where to start, we both stood around waiting for me to do something. It felt awkward, but eventually, I did the only thing I could logically think of. I put my ear to a wall and tried to listen.

I usually tried to tune things out. Always hearing stuff at such a high level could be annoying, so in most situations, it was best not to focus on the noise around me. That may have been my first time legitimately using my ears like sonar. It was a little surprising how well it actually worked.

I could hear the sound of pipes first. The AC was the next thing to catch my attention before I started to notice things moving around. Every home had some amount of bugs in its walls, and some houses even had rats or birds that could go completely unnoticed. I had to tune everything out before I could focus and make out the sound of slithering. I followed the sound throughout the housekeeping, my ear to the wall. Wes stayed behind me, watching me work. He tried to be supportive but couldn't follow how I was making progress well enough to know when actually to cheer or stay silent. After a while, we ended up in the hallway outside of Wesson's bedroom. I took my ear from the wall and held my hand to the spot the snake was resting.

"It's here," I said

"It's there?"

"Yea."

"Ok, watch out," he said as he moved me out of the way.

"What are you gonna do," I asked, but I received my answer just as quickly.

Without any hesitation, Wes punched a hole in the wall. It wasn't my place to tell him what not to do in his home, but I was pretty sure no one's parents would be happy to come home to holes in the wall.

"Wes," I said, still shocked at how reckless my friend was. I laughed, but I was concerned.

"Don't worry, the house is made of living wood, it'll fix itself," he said as he reached his hand through the hole and dug around.

"If you say so," I replied while I watched.

He must have found it because he started speaking in some language that mimicked snake hissing. Before long, he pulled the scaled creature out and held it around his arm.

"Thanks, man," he said as he turned to me.

"Any time."

He tried to hug me, and I might have let him, if not for the snake jumping from his arm and biting me. I should have seen it coming; of course, a snake would see a man-sized rabbit and think, "that's my next meal." It wasn't venomous, but it was big. As it sank its fangs into the palm of my hand, I thought for sure it was going to come off.

"Shit," I exclaimed as I threw the green reptile away.

Wes scolded the snake as if it were a child while I held my hand, trying to stop the bleeding. That's when I heard Wesson's mom yell up at us, "boys." So they were home. Wes put the snake away in his room before walking me to the bathroom and helping me clean and wrap my hand. He thought it was funny.

"I hope they cut that thing open twice," I said.

"He didn't mean anything by it."

"It was going to eat me."

"Harold was not going to eat you."

"You named the snake!?"

"No... he already had a name."

I couldn't help but crack up. I was still pissed about my hand, but the way Wes was with animals was nothing short of endearing if not adorable.

"Sorry about the jacket," I said, noticing I ruined it with my bloodstains.

It's a good thing it wasn't his usual jacket. He always wore the same hoodie I got him a couple of years back for his birthday. Come to think of it; I don't think he wore clothes before I got him that jacket.

"It's cool, man. You mind if I take it off?"

"You know I can see your dick every time you stand up or stretch, don't you," I replied in a joking tone, but I was serious to some degree.

His fur usually acted as covering enough to forget he didn't wear anything below the belt, but sometimes things would slip through or be easier to notice depending on how he stood or walked.

"Sorry, nature endowed me so well my natural coat can't hide it all."

He shed the extra layer, and for a moment, I couldn't help but realize we were sitting in a bathroom together. He was naked aside from his fur, and we were basically holding hands while he helped me with the bandages. I didn't mean to spaz out, but I yanked my hand away to finish wrapping up on my own. I don't think he was bothered by it, but he must have noticed the unusual tension sitting in the air because he broke the silence. Satyrs had a reputation for being very sexual creatures. You couldn't look them up online without finding porn or stories of sexual exploits. Wes never tried anything with me, and we were friends, but knowing what he was, I figured it was best to avoid provoking any of his natural instincts. I felt a little racist for thinking Wes would be so stereotypically sexually charged that he'd suddenly do something like that, but it was better to be safe than awkwardly sorry, in my opinion.

"What were you and Bug Burner talking about earlier?"

"BJ wants me to apply for a magician's internship with her," I said while we left the bathroom together.

"I thought you hated magic," he said.

"I hate being a rabbit."

"But rabbits are cool."

"No one wants to fuck a rabbit," I joked.

We went back to his room. I stood by the window looking through it up at what might have been stars or satellites. My dad had to have made it home from work by then.

Wes came and stood by my side before asking, "Is that why you're doing the internship?"

"I don't know if I'm doing it yet. BJ said even if we apply, there's no guarantee we'll get in."

That tension was still present, less dense, but still floating around. I didn't think a jacket mattered much when Wes never wore pants, but it made a difference. With his chest and abs out, he was more naked than usual, and I'm not sure how I felt about it.

"For what it's worth, I hope you don't. There's this festival coming up in a few weeks. It's supposed to be one of the longest ever held, and if my parents let me go, I was thinking maybe you could come too."

"What kind of festival?"

"STR," he said as he left my side to find the laptop on his desk. He pulled up a website with information and brought it to me. The first thing I noticed was the lack of humans in all the advertising pictures.

"Isn't that a magical creature type thing?"

"Which we both are," he said, taking a seat in his wooden chair while I leaned my back against his bedroom window.

"I'm not," I said.

"No one would know unless we told them, and if you're trying to get some action, maybe you'll have better luck if you're open to more than human options,” Wes added.

"You mean date an elf, or a troll?"

"Or a satyr."

"Maybe," I said with a grin, "but let's worry about getting the snake back to school first."