#even if nanami is gone beyond saving I REFUSE

[ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously]

No I did not steal this from Naruto and no I am not delusional

[koenigami]

Just a little longer Nanami Kento x fem!reader synopsis : In which you have to save him from his own altruistic self. wc : 1,1k tags : angst, hopeful ending, mentions of injuries, spoilers for upcoming episodes

Breathless pants fill the quiet void of the restroom that you and Nanami have retreated to. Your heart is racing at a speed that makes you wonder whether it is even supposed to beat that rapidly. There is a light shake in your hands as you fist the loose material of your trousers, a poor attempt to ground yourself after all the vicious things that you have witnessed in the last hours.

A low grunt pulls your attention away from the flashbacks that keep playing in front of your eyes in repeat. He was so close to-

"Where do you think you're going?" you hiss and tug at Nanami's pants, his body so weak it almost knocks him off balance. His weapon clatters to the floor while he leans against the wall, refusing to sit back down on the cold tiled floor with you.

"Where I'm going?" he breathes through the pain, a deep frown etched on the unharmed side of his face as he shoots you a deathly glare. "Itadori is still out there, all alone with that goddamn curse."

He groans again as he leans down to pick up his sword, the polka dotted cloth in which it is wrapped is stained with mud and blood. You don't dare to think about how much of it was his own. Before his hand can even reach it, you kick it with your foot, the weapon clinking as it slides and lands somewhere in the far corner of one of the many restroom stalls. He stares at you dumbfoundedly. But you can't. You can't look at him because another look of his damaged body would make you break even further.

"Y/n, what do you think you're doing? Have you gone insane?" his words echo in the dark humid room, sounds of dripping water fill the silence that follows afterwards.

"Probably." the dry answer makes Nanami's fist clench, his veins bulge, yet you interrupt his attempted scolding. Your eyes are glazed with unshed tears when you finally look at him. "But how could I not? Kento, look where we are. Look at you!"

Your mind briefly wanders to moments prior when you found Nanami face to face with a patch faced curse.

You remember its wicked grin, you remember the approximate distance its hand had left for it to touch Nanami's torso. You remember Nanami's serene expression. As if he had accepted his fate. As if beyond that moment everything would get better, more beautiful. A fleeting thought passed your mind that made you consider whether saving him would be selfish.

Even though it was not you who was on the brink of death, your life flashed before your eyes. Shared moments between you and Kento; the first time you met him at Jujutsu High, the first time he offered you a genuine yet shy smile, all the times that he bought you flowers, all the time you spent together in his bed. You could smell the fresh scent of his sheets, feel his gentle and warm hands trace the curves of your body, hear his soft voice as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

A curse as twisted as love could indeed be selfish.

You hadn't even realised that you had sliced through the curse's arm before you saw it crumple to the floor, its bodily fluid oozing out of the injury.

"There's a child out there fighting for his life!"

Your legs had carried you here to this restroom as if they had a mind of their own. As you look at the man in front of you, who's still spewing reproaches at you, you wonder how he even complied to follow you, or why he didn't simply tear his wrist out of your hold while you dragged him to this place. He must have been in shock himself. Shock that he was still breathing. That he still got to see you one last time.

"If you-" your voice is by far quieter than his. Yet he hears you, he wants to hear you and wants to let you speak because, fuck, even fighting with you feels like heaven amidst this hell. "If you want to hate me for looking out for you, then go on. Please, do."

Your footing is unstable as you get up from the floor, and only then does he notice the stain of blood on your thigh. Despite the lack of his own strength, his arms reflexively shoot out to steady you.

"But I won't let you die, Kento." the familiar feeling of his hands on your waist break the dam inside your chest. You nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck, still being mindful and making sure to not put any pressure on the burns of his injured side. "You can't fight like this, y-you just can't. That would be suicidal. I don't want you to leave me, because if you do I'll follow you., no matter where you go."

Nanami tightens his hold on you and pulls you further against him, ignoring the searing pain in his face and the uncomfortably tight feeling of his burned skin. "Just let me get you out of here, please. I-If we get you to Shoko soon enough, she might be able to fix your eye-"

The sight on his right eye is getting blurry. He blinks and feels something wet trickle down his cheek. The sound of your desperate voice is killing him, and he swears dying by Mahito's hand would have been more bearable than seeing you like this. Like a little girl imploring her parents to get her out of a scary and overwhelming place, crying for safety and peace.

"Kento, please, I'm begging you." you weep as you carefully place your hands on his cheeks, letting him feel how violently they are shaking. "We have to let your wounds get treated, otherwise-"

You don't have it in you to say it out loud. All these years of working as a sorcerer, of witnessing deaths and bloodshed day by day, and yet you don't dare to think about a life without your Kento. Such a coward, you think of yourself.

"Okay." you barely hear him speak between your ragged breaths and sobs, and once you take a proper glance at him and his pale skin, you realise that it is also due to his deteriorating state that he simply can't speak any louder even if he wanted to. "Okay, just-"

You wince at the sudden heavy cough that emanates from him, a small trickle of blood slipping down his lips that you carefully wipe away with your thumb. His hand on your cheek makes you nuzzle into his palm and you really have to pull yourself together to not let yourself fall to your knees and full on sob like a toddler. "Let's go, just don't- don't cry, okay? I don't like seeing those tears."

And you smile and nod, and unfortunately, keep on crying because you're thanking whatever almighty power that's watching over you for allowing you to keep your dear Kento for a little while longer.

[petri808]

Beyond Her Reach

@kamihaji-week August 16 Angst Day

‘No please not yet!  I need to find the fallen God, I can’t leave!  I don’t care, I don’t care!  I need to save Tomoe!’

‘Tomoe…’  is her mind playing tricks on her?  One minute she was floating through the air and the next standing in an unknown field.  The wind is whipping around, blowing her hair around her face and she scrambles to hold it back.  But there in the distance, the figure so well known to her by now of a tall slender kitsune with long stands flowing in the breeze.  ‘Tomoe!’  

Nanami races towards the figure reaching out in front of her.  ‘Tomoe!’  The grass crunch below her feet and the uneven terrain of the hill cause her to stumble a few times but something is still wrong for the longer she runs the figure remains at the same distance.  ‘Why can’t I reach him?’  

Panic sets in but her feet continue their manic pace intent on reaching her beloved kitsune.  ‘I can do this, I can reach him!’  But the sun is fading fast along the crescent and soon his image begins to fade into the darkness of the night.  ‘No, No, No!’  Nanami trips and falls flat on her face.  Tears streaming down her cheeks.  She doesn’t want to give up, can’t give up, but as she reaches out her hand to the waning figure, it is clear she won’t reach him in time.  The world around dims away as her eyes close and lose consciousness, ‘Tomoe, please don’t leave me…’

‘Forget about me Nanami,’ a familiar voice echoes in her mind and as she opens her eyes slowly, the blurry image of the kitsune stands above her.  ‘Just forget about me Nanami, you cannot save me.’  Her Tomoe now covered in strange black markings all over his body and face is standing there.  His expression is forlorn and quite unlike the man she knows.  ‘I am beyond saving.’

‘No…’ her voice is barely above a whisper.  ‘Tomoe I will save you, no matter what…’

‘You can’t, it’s too late.  No one knows of the fallen God’s location, and she is long gone, I cannot fulfill the wish, there is no saving me.’

Nanami staggers to her feet but her legs are weakened, and her eyes still refuse to adjust to whatever situation she now finds herself.  She doesn’t understand where she is, nor does she care.  ‘I can save you for I…’ but she collapses to her knees.  

‘You cannot.’  Is that sorrow in his voice?  Nanami forces herself to look up at his face, squinting, and that is when she sees the glimmer of a tear running down his cheek.  ‘I am sorry Nanami, I never meant for any of this…’  He kneels beside her, taking the young girl into his arms, ‘I truly am sorry.’

‘I must save you,’ a dam burst deep inside of her, anger, regret, frustration, sadness all flowing at once.  She beats her fists against his arms and chest.  ‘I cannot lose you, damn it!  Don’t you understand?!  If you die than I will lose all hope and wither away too.  Tomoe, I love you too much to lose you now!’

‘You must forget about me and go on, Nanami.  There is so much more that you must do in your life, so many people that treasure you too…’

‘No!’ pushing away from his grasp, ‘you may have given up, but I will never stop, even if I have to travel a hundred times, a thousand times to the past!  I will heal you of your pain!  I will save you!  I will save you!  Please Tomoe wait for me…’  She collapses into his arms as her consciousness steals away again, ‘Please wait for me…’

Her yes pop open.  “Welcome home Nanami…”

[nanamicide]

Red butterflies - chapter 7

Read on AO3

Kamukura-kun was unusually talkative that morning. Miaya focused her glance on him as she listened to him explain where he had gone off to on the previous night:

“I trust you to not share this past with Munakata-sensei. You would gain nothing from telling him about this, anyway.”

He paused for a moment, as if he were waiting for her to confirm that she would keep his story a secret from Munakata-kun. She wasn’t sure if hiding it mattered much – her former classmate would have been a complete idiot if he hadn’t guessed where Kamukura-kun had spent the night – but part of her really wanted to go against the orders, since the person ordering her around was constantly going behind her back. She didn’t exactly like how confident Kamukura-kun was, though. Knowing he could predict and guess what was going on in her head made her feel uneasy at times. Yet, she knew she couldn’t refuse.

“This will be our little secret, Kamukura-kun!” Usami’s voice excitedly responded.

“After I deactivated the security system, I saw Nanami.” Izuru paused for a few seconds, during which she thought that he didn’t have to tell her that. Given everything that had happened in the past few days, it was pretty obvious. “I really want to see her again but I need you—”

“Why?” It was unusual for her to interrupt a client in the middle of a sentence, but Miaya had to this time. When she met Nanami-chan yesterday, she had looked so fragile, as if she were going through as much distress as the people she usually worked with. She had to make sure Kamukura-kun had the right intentions. Despite the liking she had taken for him, she knew he used to be involved with Enoshima.

“I can’t predict some of her reactions, or my reactions to her, even. She makes things a little less boring.” She noted that he seemed to be searching for the right words; another thing he had never done before. Today was definitely different. “It’s like there this other person in my head that’s screaming at me to just spend more time with her. I can’t explain that either. But I believe I enjoy that feeling.”

Miaya smiled behind her scarf. Deep down, she knew Kamukura-kun’s sudden changes weren’t happening thanks to her and her work with him, but she couldn’t help feeling happy about what was happening. Ever since she had found out about it, she hadn’t been much of a believer in the concept of the Ultimate Hope, and her scepticism had increased upon her first meeting with Kamukura-kun. In spite of this, seeing him like this, acting of his own free will, made her feel as if he had what it took to live a normal life within the academy. She still wasn’t sure the existence of the Ultimate Hope was possible, but she knew Kamukura-kun could feel hope regardless of what had been done to him by the academy. That was more than enough for her.

“I imagine you need me to be able to see her again safely,” Usami’s voice added. “How can I be of help?”

“You might not need to do anything. It will be up to Nanami. I instructed her to email you before the end of the day. She will tell you if she wants to spend time with me too,” he explained. That means he’s not even sure she wants to see him like he wants to see her. Kamukura-kun doesn’t know something, and he seems to feeling better than when he knew everything about what was happening around him. “If she accepts, I expect you to bring her here at night. I can’t have her missing classes to see me. People would easily notice it. All you’d really have to do is convince Munakata-sensei that you can’t check on me in the morning anymore. I can alter the security cameras in such a way that they’d be showing past recordings to whoever is monitoring me as soon as Nanami enters the building.”

Miaya didn’t have to think twice before accepting. No matter who she was helping, she only wanted one thing for them: to be free of the things that were hindering their personal growth. And during the previous night, very much like a butterfly cracking through its cocoon, Kamukura-kun had freed himself and spread his wings out to the world around him. Taking one last glance at him before exiting the room, she noticed that the crimson shade of his eyes had slightly changed; it seemed brighter and more lively than she remembered. He definitely is a lofty red butterfly, she said to herself, closing the door behind her to head back to her own office.

As the rest of her day happened, Miaya found herself refreshing her e-mails a lot more than she was used to. She didn’t really have much more to do and felt strangely involved in whatever was going on between Nanami-chan and Kamukura-kun. She knew having close ties with someone couldn’t fix everything – it could even make things worse in some cases – but it wasn’t entirely useless either. At the same time, she could only imagine how rough this would be for Nanami-chan. But if she decided to welcome Kamukura-kun in her own life, she would be able to help her process and accept what had happened to her former friend, his vessel. No matter what she would choose to do, Nanami-chan would be safe. On the other hand, there was only one scenario that could help Kamukura-kun. That was why, as selfish as it may have been, Miaya wanted the Ultimate Gamer to accept what Kamukura-kun was offering her.

This is strange, though, Miaya thought, lowering her scarf to take a deep breath. This was something she only did when she was alone. Matsuda-kun’s talent and knowledge were beyond compare. I can’t believe he didn’t figure out a way to entirely erase people’s memories. To see Kamukura-kun relatively remember Nanami-chan feels almost… wrong, in that sense. I may not understand neurology and neuroscience as well as he did, but I need to know how, and why, this is even happening. I might be putting Matsuda-kun on a pedestal here, but I can’t believe he would have gone through with something without perfecting it beforehand.

She glanced at one of her desk’s drawers. Even though she had promised herself not to do this until she were ready and wasn’t positive as to whether she was, she felt she had to do it now. This was the only place where she had the slight chance to find a hint of an answer anyway. She slipped her hand into the pocket of her jacket, pulling out a small key. Inserting it and twisting it, she unlocked the drawer and retrieved the notebook she had kept there since she had found out about Matsuda-kun’s death. She had been extremely surprised to find such a thing in his lab, especially after Munakata-kun and Sakakura-kun had already searched the place for more information on the hope cultivation plan and Matsuda-kun’s various research projects. Her late friend had kept a journal throughout his life at Hope’s Peak academy, which, considering how well it was concealed, probably contained information no one knew about. If she wanted to do everything that was in her power for Kamukura-kun in any event, it was time for her to dig through it, no matter how painful that may be.

The young woman flipped through the pages, paying close attention to the various notes and sketches. The messy handwriting that was covering the pages amused her. Even when away from others, Matsuda-kun was the unruly and almost chaotic individual she had befriended. Most of the content of his journal was complex information on the procedures he had come up with – along with a few lines about his relationship with Enoshima, which Miaya tried to ignore, out of respect for him – but she was able to understand the gist of it. It looked like Matsuda-kun’s memory erasing technique basically was some type of brain surgery that consisted in the removal of neural connections in the hippocampus. She didn’t really grasp the details – something about glutamate and NMDA receptors – but she kept reading, trying to gather as much information as she could, and cursing Matsuda-kun for not being clearer in his explanations every now and then. She eventually reached a page that lacked any scientific data or sketches, which caught her attention.

She loves despair, but she loves me. In the hope that the hope cultivation plan can be of any good use for the world, I’ll do what she wants from me. I’ll make her forget who she is and what she’s done. And we’ll start all over. She won’t have to be like this anymore. I always thought luck was bullshit, but I truly feel lucky that I haven’t been able to find out how to completely erase all past feelings from people’s brains. Maybe it’s better if I never find out. Well, I’m not sure yet, but it can only be good for her. She won’t remember anything, but as soon as she sees me when she wakes up from the procedure, her heart will remember. It’ll send a clue to her brain. A clue that tells her she feels something for me. Maybe I can save her. I don’t mind getting my hands dirty and killing the remaining survivor if it means I can protect her. She doesn’t have to do this anymore. She can just be with me as Ryouko. I don’t need Junko; no one really does. It’ll be okay. As for Kamukura, I can only hope he has someone who means as much to him as I mean to her.

Miaya beamed to herself. This was the answer she had been seeking. Matsuda-kun hadn’t managed to get rid of emotional memories in his subjects. It had been accidental for Kamukura-kun, but he had ended up realizing that it may be crucial in saving him thanks to something Enoshima had asked from him a few weeks after the completion of the hope cultivation plan. You loved her, and it’s still hard to accept, she thought, looking to the ceiling like she always done when mentally talking to him, but you were a good person. They made you do this. You had to. Thank you for leaving this behind, Matsuda-kun.

She brought her attention back to the journal, wanting to know more. If Kamukura-kun could change by being around Nanami-chan, she would need an ally. She didn’t want to rely on her former classmates. They had broken her trust several times; she had only remained loyal to them because she thought her monitoring Kamukura-kun was what was best for him. Besides, even though Kamukura-kun’s plans were always perfect thanks to his analytical abilities, she had a hunch that his bond with Nanami-chan wouldn’t progress much if they only met at night in the exact same setting. This wasn’t something the journal explicitly said, but expanding on a few details, Miaya gathered that normal interactions were necessary for everything to work out properly. That also explained why an online interaction through video games had been enough to trigger Kamukura-kun’s buried memories. He didn’t only need to see her. Going through experiences similar to what they used to do together was also necessary.

It was almost night-time when she finished reading the journal. She peered through her window, thinking about everything she had learned about how the academy was run when Kirigiri-san was still the headmaster. She found it somewhat sad that the poor man hardly had any power over his own academy, considering he had abandoned his famous detective family and his young daughter to be able to focus on it. Kirigiri-san got screwed over by the steering committee and Tengan-san. That situation had obviously been worse than what she had been going through with Munakata-kun and the people he kept closest to him – she wasn’t supposed to be in charge, after all – but she found a few similarities here and there.

She would probably end up wreaking havoc within the academy the way Munakata-san had when he found out Enoshima, but it was necessary. Kirigiri-san needed to be headmaster again. She could give him the position again if he accepted to consider Kamukura-kun a regular ultimate, making him a student in one of the classes of the main course. She wasn’t exactly sure how to reach him now, but rumors had spread that he was still hiding somewhere at Hope’s Peak. Whether this was true or not, she had time to figure this out. It was her little secret project and she didn’t have to rush it.

Spying on Munakata-kun for all these months may have been wrong, but at least now the power is in my hands. I don’t want it, but this academy needs to be fixed for good. Blackmailing is wrong, too, but if Munakata-kun hadn’t given me a fairly high position in the security team of the academy on top of my therapist duties, I wouldn’t have picked up on his suspicious behavior with Yukizome-chan. I shouldn’t feel guilty for what I plan on doing, it’s in everyone’s best in—

A notification coming from the laptop that was sitting on top of her task snapped her out of her thoughts. She glanced at the screen and smiled. The e-mail from Nanami-chan, that she had been anxiously waiting for, had finally arrived.  

[djflame]

I like this.

No I did not steal this from Naruto and no I am not delusional