#even if it would be nice to like. have money (times are hard)
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This is for the @6esiree contest that they are holding! I hope you enjoy it, and even if it doesn't perform well, I am glad to have made something long! Word Count 3.5k Alastor x Gen Z Reader Based on Song Older by Isabel LaRosa TW: Sexual content, stubbornness, gen gap, age gap, tentacles, begging
Dying wasn’t the first thing on your list of exciting things to do. I mean, yes, you were a 23-year-old living in 2024, so of course, your will to live was low, but that didn’t mean you were ready for it when it happened. No, instead, death came hard and fast, all because you had some serious FOMO and a quite pitiful YOLO moment.
One minute, you were having a great night out with friends, you had a handsome silver fox wrapped around your finger, and then the next thing, you woke to a red landscape of what you only assumed was hell. With your life, it made sense why ‘Hell’ was where you ended up. You died partying and sleeping with the older man, so it only made sense that this was where you would consequently end up.
A deep sigh left you as you looked at the chaos around you. The only good thing you saw so far out of this event was that you didn’t have bills to pay anymore. It looked like as long as you played your cards right, you could get anything here without needing money. As that thought crossed your mind, an ad for redeeming sinners played on a nearby radio.
The voice on the radio was alluring as all hell and had you questioning your life and undead choices. Not even five minutes into being dead, and you are already fawning over an older man's voice. It's good to know that living habits don’t die with you in the afterlife.
Your resolve not shaken, you make your way to where the voice spoke of the Hazbin Hotel and find yourself at the base of a hill, looking up at a grand building with flashing lights. A shiver runs up your spine as you realize how powerful whoever runs this place must be. Maybe pretending to want to be saved would be well worth your time, then.
Let’s get one thing straight here: you are no damsel; you may like your men older, but that doesn’t mean you need one. No, you are an independent queen who can do what she pleases. She just also realizes when to fold and when to hold her hand. Right now, seeking refuge from the fires and sex work was worth it; however, that didn’t mean you wouldn’t earn your keep all the same.
While you thought about these prospects and made your way up to the door, you noticed it was open without you even having to knock. Pushing your head through more of the door, it was clear to see what type of establishment this was…a chaotic one.
Just standing in the entryway, the sights before you were hilarious and intriguing. A cat at the bar grumbled as he watched a spider dance on the bar. A young lady resembling a lamb hurriedly tried to stop the provocative dancing while a gray woman yelled at the spider. A cyclops laughed hysterically while tossing what you could only imagine was a bomb. A small woman rushed around laughing and stabbing the air while a man who looked a little like the lamb girl walked through the room.
The deer caught your eye the most, though, and it seemed you caught his, too, as he was the only one looking at you and your entrance. You two held eye contact, a shiver running up your spine. Oh, you definitely could get used to staying here.
Nodding more to yourself than the deer man, you walked in further and cleared your throat, everyone stopping to look at you. With a slight wave, you smiled brightly and introduced yourself. “Heya, I’m Y/N. Nice to meet ya,”
The room was silent, causing you to laugh awkwardly. As you slowly backed away, thinking maybe this wasn’t a great idea, the lamb girl came over and jumped on you. Holding your arms and bouncing, she spoke excitedly.
“Oh my goodness, a new arrival! Hi, my name is Charlie. I am the hotel's owner,” She beamed proudly at the statement and motioned to the others all in the lobby area of the room, “And this is the Hazbin Hotel residents and staff! The cat is Husk, then Angel Dust, Vaggie, Cherri, Nifty, my father,” She leaned in and whispered, “Also known as Lucifer,”
Laughing at your surprised face, she pointed to the deer man last. “This is Alastor. He is the hotelier; he helps me run the hotel! Was it his broadcast that brought you in?”
You shook your head at the information overload and laughed softly. Nodding to the question, you looked at everyone around. “Yes, I actually passed not too long ago, and as I was weighing my options on where to go, I heard the message on the radio.”
Charlie beamed proudly at Alastor, who just smiled at you precisely as he had been this entire time. You couldn’t lie. He was drop-dead gorgeous. He was tall and fit, and if his voice sounded anything like how it did on the radio, you would be a goner for sure. He was an enigma and one you knew you had to be careful of if you wanted to make it out of this hotel with your head screwed on straight.
“My my, I am quite honored my radio show was able to bring in a petal quite like yourself, dear,” He spoke so smoothly, and you knew right then how right you were; you were a goner. “I do hope you are staying here with us to be redeemed as Miss Charlotte wishes; I am eager to learn…more about you, miss Y/N.”
You swallowed thickly, nodding. Looking at the others, you laughed and began some small talk while they decided where would be the best place to put you. The conversations ranged from how everyone died to how people got here, and you learned more about how hell worked. Learning that Alastor owned many souls only made him more appealing and dangerous.
As Charlie led you to your room, she made sure to inform you of the dangers of getting mixed up with Alastor. Being mindful of her warnings and the blaring alarms in your head that did not match the alarms between your legs, you made it a goal to avoid falling for Alastor at all costs. Oh, how wrong you were for that.
Alastor had his eyes on you the minute he felt your presence near the hotel. You were unlike any other woman he had seen. You looked young and still full of life, so how could someone like you have died so carelessly? Not to mention, he did find you oddly attractive, and your calm demeanor was refreshing. He wanted you and in more ways than just your soul.
He knew the best way to any woman's heart was to court her and get her to fall for him slowly till she needed him and him alone. However, you were a tricky one to get under the skin of. You were so damn stubborn and stuck in your ways of being the lead in your own life that allowing him any control seemed futile. However, the challenge you possessed was all the more thrilling to him.
It started off simple: He escorted you around the hotel. He wanted to lead you around like a gentleman, but you had your own plans. As he talked and explained a specific part of the hotel, your attention was elsewhere in your explorations.
“Y/N, dearest, are you even paying attention?” he asked you sharply as you looked at the paintings for the millionth time since your arrival. You really wanted to listen to him, but this was kind of boring. After becoming close with the others, you were eager to hear more about their lives than be trapped with the man you swore not to sleep within this proximity to you.
“Sorry, Alastor. Yes, I am listening. I was just wondering about some of the paintings; they are quite pretty.” You were honest, at least in the fact that you enjoyed the paintings. Someone had a knack for art, and you were not shy to admit it. However, when you soon learned it was he who chose all the art minus a handful, you quickly shut down your praise.
The next time Alastor tried to win you over and claim your soul was when he began opening doors for you. He never thought the day would come when he saw someone challenge him so brazenly. However, that was probably the day he fell in love with you, as he allowed it to happen.
“Uh…Alastor, what are you doing?” You looked at the opened door with your arms crossed, your body still midstep from when he raced ahead to open the door.
“I am being a gentleman, Miss Y/N, that is all.” He looked so innocent, but you had heard more stories and learned so much about him from the shadows. He was no innocent man but a cold-blooded killer. You wouldn’t lie, though, that his past and present only made you that more attracted to the idea of him. You wanted him biblically, and it only made you hate his advances more, as you didn’t want to lose your soul.
“No, thank you, Alastor. I can open my own doors.” You quickly took the door from him, closing it and reopening it before walking through. The look on Alastor's face was akin to pain and frustration. He was not a fan of your independent attitude and was willing to bet he could break you before the year ended.
Alastor resorted to making sure you always walked on the right side of the road, that your chairs were pulled out for you, and that your food was pre-cut; he even went out of his way to acquire a simple ruby necklace for you to wear so others knew you were accounted for. However, you were stubborn and not taking on his advances. All you would give him was that Cheshire grin and stubbornly push his buttons by mimicking his chivalry with your version.
When it came to Alastors courting skills and all his advances, you managed to turn them down in the same stubborn way. However, it didn’t go amiss by Alastor that each turn down went from cold and distant worry to more playful and light-hearted jests on your part. Was it possible you were falling for him, too?
He admitted to himself a while ago, just as you had that the immediate attraction you two felt despite the age and generational gap was mutual. He didn’t know how to break you while you were too worried about becoming his next meal, even though the way he wanted to eat you was not how you were thinking.
That was until one fateful day when the hotel was barren except you two. You had sat perched in the library reading some trashy romance novel, hoping to get yourself off while Alastor was busy with his work. Busy working till his shadow happened to inform him of what you were reading.
The book you had chosen was interesting in that the main female lead was a time traveler who managed to end up in the olden times as a helpless damsel needing a strong man to care for her—the complete opposite of what you were as a person. However, you wouldn’t lie that the thought of letting Alastor take care of you wasn’t electrifying; it just went against everything you stood for.
However, reading the book and getting to the more intense sex scenes where the woman is restrained and taken care of sexually only caused you to feel more of a heated desire for the man who had plagued your thoughts since you made eye contact with him all those months ago. Sighing deeply, you flipped to the next page and moaned softly at the words, wishing it to be you. You wondered how long your and Alastor’s game of cat and mouse would play out until one caved.
Alastor entered the room and looked over your shoulder. He was enamored with you rutting into your leg as you read the heated pages. He smirked as a tentacle wrapped around your throat and pulled your attention up from the book to his eyeline. “My dear, what do we seem to have here?” He practically purred, and you whimpered softly.
You were already so close to release on your heel that you didn’t realize the pleas coming from your lips. You needed an older man badly; you needed Alastor—someone who would worship your body. As the pleas left your lips, it didn’t take long for Alastor to pounce on you, his pent-up desire for the independent brat growing.
Alastor wasted no time and already had your sleep shorts pooled at your ankles, ratty nightshirt hiked up your back and drooping off one shoulder. Your inner thighs were slick and glistening with arousal from your earlier menstruations while reading.
Alastor hummed in amusement, bending you over the couch, his cold tentacles holding you in place as he moved down your back. His soft breaths tickled you as much as they excited you. He hummed as he saw your pussy in full view, a smile growing on his face. He touched it softly, slick coating his hand as he spoke, “My dear, you are already soaking; you were thinking about me, weren’t you? Thinking about me taking you just like that man does in that book.” He smiled wider, lining his face with your slick. “All you had to do was ask, beautiful.”
A tender hand pushes down on your back, further squishing your chest into the soft plush of the couch arm, his other hand grasping firmly at the fat of your backside where Alastor’s face is lapping at your dripping cunt. Soft mewls cry from your lips, hands reaching back to grasp his head, fingers tangling through the soft red and black locks, being mindful of his ears. He only grunts in response as he continues his onslaught on your most sensitive area.
What felt like minutes and hours at the same time passed; your legs were trembling, knees threatening to buckle under you with three orgasms already coaxed out of you on his tongue alone, milking you of your sweet, slick nectar. Your quiet, strained cries did nothing but aid the tightness in Alastor’s dress pants, his cock oozing arousal in his boxers, dampening the fabric beyond. Every involuntary shift of his hips causes more friction and tension with the fabric, sending a groan throughout your pussy.
Alastors noises vibrate against your cunt, shocking your overstimulated and oversensitive clit. All you can do is cry out as he pushes himself deeper, closer. his tongue is merciless and selfish as he threatens to swallow you whole. At this point, you're begging for him to relent, repeated pleas of his name falling from your lips as the familiar heat builds in your core, and you writhe under his hands. The cold slick of his tentacles digs into your skin as he takes hold of your ankles and wrists now to keep you open.
Everything becomes overstimulating as the world begins to spin. Your jaw goes slack, and saliva pools in your mouth as it threatens to spill over your swollen lips. Tears are streaming down your flushed face, your hair is frizzy, and your eyes are practically rolling to the back of your head as yet another release washes over you, sending a shudder through your body.
Alastor finally pulls his face away from the space he has claimed as his between your thighs, not without flattening his tongue over your cunt for a last taste gathering all of you he could. The tentacles held you tighter as he smirked and sat upright, admiring the mess he had made of you. A slick shimmer on his face as he licked his lips, “Delicious, better than any venison I have ever had, dove.”
As he stands up, his hand on your back pushes you back onto the couch arm. He kneaded the flesh of your backside, groaning at the sight in front of him. His hands meet your hips, pulling you back on his clothed erection. A small yelp escapes your lips at the friction against your sensitive area. Your frayed nerves against the soft material that soaks up your arousal and previous releases.
You whine as he rocks his hips slowly, grunting as he watches the material dampen quickly before he pulls away from your hips. His movements are hasty, and he does not waste any more time as he uses more tentacles to help not only hold your wiggling form but also get his clothes off him. He liked this sight of your half-dressed attire as he held purchase over you, dominance you refused till now to give up.
Once he was undressed, he bleated softly at the warmth of your puffy, swollen folds as he rubbed his cockhead up and down your pussy before catching your willing slit. He groans at the tightness that welcomes him; the slick, clamping, spongy walls that pulse around his dick almost milks him of every last drop of cum.
Your voice is hoarse, almost gone by the time his cock is sheathed in you, his cockhead brushing your sweet spot as you feel him abuse your need for him. You can feel every prominent vein of his cock against your spongy walls; they're practically ingrained in you as your pussy is molded to take his dick.
A creamy, white circle forms at the base of his cock as he pushes his length inside, his girthy dick stretching your weeping pussy with loud, lewd squelches. He doesn't give you time to compose yourself. He's selfish tonight, unapologetically so, because you had been toying with him for too long. After almost a year of cat and mouse, this is finally how he takes you. You drove him mad.
It isn't long until your backside is red, his hips pistoning into your sopping cunt, the sight of your slick pussy swallowing his red, angry cock so needily, sucking him in so desperately and clamping around him was addicting, and the feel even more so. His pace isn't lovely; he's mean, relentless, and bruising.
"Fuck sweetheart, so needy for me; you could have just told me how much you wanted this from the get-go. Saved us both precious time," he whined in your ear, his cock drilling into your tight hole as he nipped at your earlobe. Claws out, he uses his hands, kneading the fat of your ass, a sharp slap to your skin causing it to turn even more flushed and red as he fucked himself stupid using your cunt.
He was growing more and more pussy-drunk, drool forming in his mouth and pooling in his permanent smile, leaning over to place his lips onto the expanse of your shoulder. He pressed lewd, wet kisses against your supple skin, adding to the marks and bruises from his teeth as his demonic form began to take precedence.
With how hard he was holding on to you with his hands and tentacles, you were covered in bruises. He was marking you as his not only with chivalry and jewels but pretty marks that will mar your skin for weeks. He tightened his hold around your throat, pulling you up to a sitting position. He pumped into you harder, watching your stomach grow with his length in you. He groaned heatedly as he transformed more; his hand was pulling you up while his other hand began pushing down on the spot on your belly where he was poking through.
As you both whined and felt relief, he growled in your ear, “I will make you all mine, my Doe. Not a single person can have you now.” He pushed harder for a few more pumps before you two were spilling over one another. He filled you to the brim, his seed spilling out before he could even pull out of you. With a satisfied hum, he let his body slowly return to normal as he slid out.
You were fucked out beyond belief. He smiled, gently picking you up and placing your clothes back on you. He held you in his arms and sighed, acting as if he didn’t just release eons of pent-up sexual tension on you. He snapped his fingers, redressing, and walked with you in his arms to his chambers. There, he would repeatedly remind you who you now truly belong to. Soul or not, he was the one to dominate the disobedient brat you were.
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Yandere platonic omega father x neglected child reader PT 6
Rowan wasn't surprised, he really wasn't, but it would be impossible to say that when his boss called him into the office for a private conversation he didn't have a sinking feeling in his stomach because he knew exactly what that conversation would be like
He was fired, and that was scary because if he hadn't married Sarah, if he hadn't looked at those red flags and decided that the best option was to ignore them and move on, he wouldn't have been able to support himself and you anymore
It was TERRIFYING to realize how close he had come to losing everything,
He was almost forty, at that age and with his secondary gender it would be impossible to find a job as well paid as the one he had been in for the last 16 years
If he was lucky enough to have a job it would be at least with a HUGE pay cut, you wouldn't be able to attend your school anymore, a lot of family memories would have to be auctioned off, the house would be auctioned off
With no family or close friends better than he could do is temporarily pay for a hotel, he doesn't have a large emergency fund because practically 70% of his salary goes to his ex-husband
He got into huge debts paying for private school and it was only the generosity of the principal that allowed you to continue studying normally even when the payments were late
He felt ashamed to pick you up from school, he always felt like he was being looked at with pity by the teachers and with judgment by the other parents, what kind of father isn't capable of supporting himself and his own child?
Many times he simply didn't pick you up because he would faint from exhaustion when he got home, he would work overtime and secretly work a second online job to try to make ends meet
Rowan felt very ashamed whenever he had to use money from his college fund to pay a bill or buy food how many times did he not eat and lie saying he had lunch at work?
It was always hard to look you in the eye afterward
Rowan was doing his best to shield you from reality, so he wouldn't have to worry about whether or not you could afford an expensive dinner at your favorite restaurant or pay the electricity bill, he was doing his best to hide the reality that despite the house and the nice clothes you were broke
The decision made it more real, the truth is that you were both a hair's breadth away from losing everything, Rowan, once an orphan, had to build his achievements through his own sweat and years after escaping poverty he almost returned to the cold clutches of hunger again, and worst of all he would take you with him
He gathered the material from his desk quickly, Rowan could feel his curious colleagues looking discreetly out of the corner of their eyes (he felt like all eyes were on him again)
Cold sweat ran down the back of his neck
If he hadn't chosen Sarah as your psychologist... if he... If he hadn't accepted her advances despite the discomfort... what... what would have become of him and you?
As he walked towards the exit he could hear the murmurs, the whispers and laughter
WHY DID IT SEEME LIKE EVERYONE, EVERYONE, EVERYONE WAS LOOKING AT HIM!?
He doesn't even remember how he left through the back doors of the company (avoiding the other employees) or how he got into the car (he threw himself frantically inside) but at some point he realized that he was parked in front of the house
Not his house, the house he knew, the house where he raised you, the house he bought when he was still a young man in love and full of dreams
This was a new house, still sterile and without decorations or personality, the house was perfect with three bedrooms, a beautiful kitchen, a spacious living room, strategically designed bathrooms, two offices, a musical instrument room and two backyards with beautiful flowers and trees and the other with a swimming pool, the house even has a fence so white that it hurt Rowan's eyes
The house was everything he had ever dreamed of when he was a miserable orphan, so different from the orphanage full of leaks that made all the rooms cold during the winter and so different from the old house his house that was slowly declining due to lack of care or renovation
He didn't have the time or money to solve the problems of the leaks in his room, the old coin purses were already starting to give way due to time, the paint was slowly peeling, the tap water itself had a strange appearance some animal probably died there again
This new house was different, it was new and impeccable, there were no small handprints and there were no leaks, the new house was in an upscale neighborhood that exuded silent luxury, everything was so perfect that Rowan was afraid someone would simply kick you out and he would yell that it was all a cruel prank
He felt like a country chicken among majestic peacocks, a plastic diamond among natural jewels, a peasant trying to pass himself off as a prince
Everything was scary, everything was so different from what he knew
Even the car was new, it was different from the one he knew (the old car always had problems and smelled like burnt meat because there was always some old dead squirrel hiding under the hood), it was new and shiny, it seemed to glide smoothly over the asphalt unlike the rough shaking that Rowan was used to
He always paid for a taxi to take you to school, he was always afraid that his really rich classmates would laugh at you if they saw you arriving at school in that old junk car
Rowan always tried his best to project the image of a successful father but he knows he failed even at that, why is he so useless?
He needs a moment to compose himself, to gather the courage to go in and tell you and Sarah that he was fired
What if Sarah thinks he's useless? What if she thinks he's really pathetic and decides to leave, leaving you and him in misery? Would she do that? What if you thought he was a failure as a father!?
Telling him the truth hurts his pride, despite your and Sarah's assurances he still feels like a failure
Being alone in the new house is strange, you are studying and Sarah is busy managing all the hospitals
It's just him and the loneliness in the huge house, with not much to do he starts cleaning and cooking, these actions end up becoming a habit
Getting up, taking a shower, brushing his teeth, going downstairs and cooking, cleaning the dishes while you and Sarah get ready, serving breakfast and delivering packed lunches to the two of you, saying goodbye, tidying the house and resting
He tries, REALLY TRYS to find another job but no one wants to hire an "old" alpha in the job market, the young betas who were just out of college were much more efficient, faster and versatile than him, Rowan didn't want to admit it but lately he was having trouble understanding new technologies
Why would any boss hire an alpha “old dinosaur” like him instead of a young man fresh out of college who was more prodigious than he had ever been?
It was clear that society was about to be intractable in a crisis involving alphas and omegas, no boss wanted to hire people with these secondary genders anymore
The society in which everyone lives is a capitalist society and what kind of capitalists would prefer to hire an omega who is required to take a week off with pay every month due to heat than a beta who, for a salary slightly higher than the omega's, asks to work the whole week without having to take time off for biological needs?
At that time, omegas were also exalted, pampered by everyone even when they were adults, justifying cruel acts and even crimes because according to conservatives it would be impossible for a little omega to make mistakes on purpose, they were too “innocent” for that
Nowadays there are movements created to hold omegas accountable for their actions and ensure that they comply with the laws and are punished like any other citizen
Why hire an alpha employee who is not fully capable of submission and can become irrational due to hormones when you can hire a beta employee who always remains balanced and calm?
A few years ago it was common for heirs of large companies to all be alphas. The collective thinking at the time was that alphas were superior to other genders. This idea changed quickly when dozens of companies began started to go bankrupt because young CEO's were more interested in chasing omega employees than managing the family business.
Back then, if your alpha boss growled at an employee, the employee would accept the humiliation in silence. Nowadays, if your superior growls at an employee, he can sue the boss and the company for moral damages, threats, and humiliation.
When companies began to realize how much it cost to keep an alpha employee, a rapid succession of layoffs began to happen.
Omegas were also no longer welcome. People began to avoid them. establishments with omega employees due to the fear that their spouses would be robbed, with fewer customers the best option for the establishments was to simply fire the cause of the problems
A great demand for beta employees began, betas began to earn at least 2 times more than omegas and 3 times more than alphas, the price of higher salaries for betas compensates more for the entrepreneurs than the price of the various lawsuits and benefits that they would have to pay if they hired alpha and omega employees
The Beta Harmony movement started a great discussion about whether or not omegas and alphas should be accepted for certain jobs, it was a fact that omega phenomena could influence the people around them, if for example an omega worked as a lawyer and had a session with an alpha judge the result of the judge's decision could be tampered with to favor the omega
That was all that was happening on TV lately, on every news channel there was at least one discussion about whether the Beta Harmony movement was right or wrong
It wasn't a very good scenario to look for a new job...
When Sarah proposed that he stay at home he refused, he tried to refuse but honestly it was obvious that it was the only option
In five months he wasn't able to get a single interview, as soon as the interviewers read on his resume that he was an alpha he was rejected by default
Despite hurting his male pride he had to admit that staying at home wasn't so bad, he didn't need to stress about work anymore and now he has all the time in the world to spend with you
He's no longer late for your school presentations, he has time to have daddy-puppy dates with you, now he can really afford to spend money on himself and he doesn't even need to skimp on your gifts
Sarah just gave him a BLACK credit card and told him to have fun
It was like living in a dream and he was so, so, SO SCARED OF WAKEING UP
Everything was perfect until one day he received a notice from his ex-husband's lawyer requesting an increase in alimony again
Everything was going too well, of course something would eventually go wrong
With his heart racing and sweating cold, Rowan's hands shook holding the letter, what if... what if Sarah gets mad? What if she decides his ex-husband is too much for her to handle? What if she wants to leave? What if...
“Rowan! ROWAN!! Are you okay?”, she arrived and he didn’t even notice, he should have welcomed her at the door like a good husband
“What’s this?”, before he could answer she snatched the open letter from his hands
“Hmmm, it looks like we’re going to court, don’t worry dear, I’ll take care of everything”, Sarah hugged him, he couldn’t see it but he was sure she was smiling, the tone of her voice simply echoed satisfaction
Despite not wanting Sarah’s approval and comfort, it filled him with relief, he slowly relaxed in her embrace
he was so happy that she wasn't mad at him
After a small eternity Rowan looked up towards the clock on the wall
12:30 it was time to get ready to pick you up from school
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Each Era of Leon and their first date with you
WARNINGS: Fluff, Fem!Reader
RE2,RE4R, Damnation, Infinite Darkness, Vendetta, RE6, Death Island
(not proof read was bored at my dads and did this quickly lmao)
RE2:
Leon sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror for the 100th time, his keys jingling as he pocketed them.
He swore his heart was going to explode with how fast it was beating, the idea of a first date still seemed stranger after everything he had been through.
His fist shook as he knocked on the door to your house, the stained glass window was decorated with flowers. The walkway lined with small flowers was the perfect family home, something he again assumed would be something to give away after he signed his life away to the government.
Your outfit was different from what you wore at the office, your frame decorated in a soft flowery dress, "Hey, you look nice" you spoke sweetly the door shutting behind you.
He couldn't stop the blush that lingered on his cheeks, the smile that grew impossibly wide as he linked his arm with yours. It felt nice; the weight of your arm in his...it felt right. "So do you" he stuttered out, cringing at the shakiness of his voice.
Once he finally settled in the restaurant, his nervous chatter reduced. You smiled as he talked enthusiastically about your interests, offering pointers and tips on how to help with the garden. Even offering his own help to you.
He somehow stumbled his way through the date for you to offer him a second one, departing the night with a simple kiss on his growing red cheeks.
RE4R:
After everything he's been through, he fought hard with himself to hold the slight shake in his hands.
Checking himself over briefly before going out, his outfit was casual but practical. A new warm jacket draped over his form since he lost his other one in Spain.
His knock is firmer, he's hand tucked in his pockets as he waits for you to leave your house. Not looking at the door, only looking at his feet.
It's only when he sees you his breath falters, your hair curled nicely falling across your shoulders, your dress showing off your form perfectly. "wow" is all he managed to get out, his smile growing at the dust of pink that showed up.
He's cracking jokes the entire evening, small puns here and there as he checks the menu for what he wants.
Pays for the whole thing, maybe would let you pay for the tip.
You already knew he was in for a second date..he didn't even need to ask
Infinite Darkness:
Most relaxed out of all of them, he was confident he looked good, opting for a shirt and jeans. His trusty leather jacket thrown over his shoulders.
He's looking at the door when he knocks, his body is still stiff but there's no obvious signs of being nervous
Smiling before you even made eye contact, hand on your waist as he leads you away.
Opting for a more low-key casual date in case he gets called away on a mission so he takes you to a coffee shop.
Paying for everything again, I'm sure he has so much money and no one to spoil.
But more touchy than the other ones, hands on your lower back as he guides you to a table, small touches of his fingers as he walks next to you.
If he's feeling bold enough he would kiss you, his hand weaving in your hair as he brings you closer.
Damnation:
Despite his grumpier tone during this film and his drinking habits in full force. He would try and do everything in his power to show up sober and not hungover.
This would mean he's slightly more nervous, not just because of the lack of sleep since he didn't drink the night before but also because it's first time he's been open with someone like this for a while.
Would be the easiest person to deal with at the start of the night, very closed off when he picks you up. However he does manage to compliment you though, his cheeks blushing when you return the favour
His humor is dry having lost the will to keep going it became more depressing but you didn't seem to mind. He instead started to view you as a light in the darkness.
So much so that he doesn't want the night to end. Dragging it out by going on a walk buying hot drinks and enjoying the simple conversations.
This is when his guard slips and you see past the tuff exterior he built to survive the harsh world.
His kiss at the end of the night is simple, but leave an impression on you along with a promise for more
Vendetta:
We all know he's the most depressed out of all the eras, so he wouldn't really care too much in his appearance. He's just shocked you even took enough interest.
I imagine it's more after the events of the movie where he's slightly on the brighter side.
He wouldn't talk about his job, using the date as an excuse to get away from it.
Very touchy, probably the only time he's realized how touched starved he actually is.
Drinking, he would probably try to avoid it during the night. He doesn't want to give you the wrong idea but towards the end he eventually gives in..not quiet content enough to go sober.
His kiss is sloppy but meaningful; a lot of his unspoken feelings about you given in the last moment with the kiss..leaves you begging for more.
You feel like you still don't really know him but know him enough to want to go for a second date
RE6:
Defiantly had a drink before he left, his outfit is scruffy and doesn't put too much thought into it. At least he put aftershave on though!
His knock on the door is firm and confident, smiling instantly when he sees you and almost escorts you to the car.
Opted for a nice restaurant making sure he booked a booth so he could have this moment without other people looking at him and you.
His conversations are mainly about your interests again, dealing out a couple of his own hobbies without giving away a lot of what he does...not fully trusting you to handle that information yet.
Keeps his drinking to the minimum, wanting to actually remember the events.
Drives you home but you stay in the car a bit longer, the conversation seemingly flowing a lot easier in this situation.
Kisses you passionately again, cradling your face as he does it.
DEATH ISLAND:
He's more nervous this time around, putting in more thought into his clothing..scolding himself for being so nervous.
Sober when he picks you up and during the entire date.
Is the most open with you off the bat about his interests but is still blunt with his job.
Picks you up on his bike but tells you before hand so you can dress appropriately.
Smiling the entire time he's driving you to the location, he loves how your hands tighten around him as he goes faster. The feeling of you pressed so closely to him
His heart melts when you exclaim how much fun it is!
Very big on touching, but always asking permission before he does.
Kisses you after you get off the bike, not driving away until he sees you have gotten in the house safe.
#resident evil x reader#leon kennedy x reader#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy x reader#leon scott kennedy#resident evil fanfiction#resident evil#leon kennedy x you#leon kennedy imagine
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Hate to do this, but if anyone can help
TL: DR - Due to a lot of financial strain this year and moving before we planned to with little notice, my cats and my family don't have money for groceries for the next few months. We just need to make it to January and we've been trying hard, eating as cheap as possible, not going out, no extra services, etc. Heck, I only have FFXIV because a friend was nice enough to help.
But now, we're out of money and next paycheck once we cover rent and bills, we'll have less than $30. And unfortunately, we need to eat.
So if anyone can help, I'd appreciate it. Anything. Thank you. <3
Below the read-more are the longer details. If anyone doesn't mind boosting or something, I'd be grateful.
More Details:
Basically, due to having to move at least a year sooner than expected with less than 60 days' notice, we've used up every bit of savings and resources we have. Plus, due to some other financial nonsense, including the past roommates being terrible and my spouse's work using loopholes to avoid paying him overtime, we're finally having a really rough time.
We can just cover rent and the minimal bills. Several months ago, we turned off anything we didn't completely need. That includes streaming services, games, and what have you. Heck, we wouldn't have kept on the internet if my spouse didn't need it for work.
We were just trying to hold on until New Year. The New Year means a mandatory raise for my spouse and his boss has promised it's a good one (due to several years of him getting the minimum under his previous boss who was fired for several reasons). So we've been just trying to make it and just have a few months left.
Unfortunately, with just a few months to go, we've basically maxed out all we can. The next step is trying to rehome my cats to remove the cost of maintaining them, although I hate to do it. I really don't want to. Pretty much every cat I have, I either rescued and/or raised from birth. But I'm certainly not going to let them starve or suffer.
I have been trying for months to get a job, but due to personal things and limited options (only one car with limited gas, etc.), I haven't been able to find anything. I keep sending out forms and not hearing much. Due to gas prices and such, I can't even do UberEats or Doordash or something. I'm at a loss and I feel completely useless in trying to help my spouse at the moment.
I really hate asking. My little Tumblr is just cute stuff with my character, aesthetics, and trying to be positive. I'm just really desperate because I don't know what else to do.
We've looked into state help, but I live in Texas and their "poverty line" is absolutely ridiculous. My spouse makes "too much" for us to get the benefits of any kind of help, even temporarily. Due to the crappy roommates, our credit isn't great and we're already struggling to pay off things so getting a loan is pretty much impossible.
I don't really have any skills that people would pay for commissions for. I'd be happy to do writing commissions or something, but I've never had much luck with that.
So, yeah, I just...I really need some help getting through the next 60 days or so. So if you've read all this, thank you. If you reblog, thank you. If you feel like giving anything, thank you. Even if it's just kind thoughts, I appreciate it so much.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
Bard
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How do you feel about people binding personal copies of your works?
I have been reading Lof, and you are such an amazing writer that it blows my mind. When Lof is eventually finished, I would absolutely love to (with permission and loads of credit to you) bind a hardcover copy for personal reading . Reading through this fic has been such an emotional journey and I would love to be able to hold a physical copy. I was also thinking about incorporating some of the beautiful art you've done of the story into the pages of a book, that way the art was next to the scene you were reading. Again to be super clear this would just be something I'd make for myself to read, no monetary gain and tons of credit to you for the story and art!
Completely understandable whatever your answer may be, just wanted to ask your thoughts and let you know how much I've loved your writing!!
yeah that's perfectly fine!! i'm so glad you love LoF enough to do something as sweet as this, that's so amazing to me!! i'm fine with people binding their own copies for personal use- as long as no one is trying to use websites that could get LoF into trouble (i.e. trying to sell it, or paying for it, etc) then it's all cool with me!
#many have asked me about selling stickers and stuff like that#which is cool don't get me wrong!!#but i don't really want to make money off of LoF#even if it would be nice to like. have money (times are hard)#but it's honestly very fulfilling to see everyone's love and creations#entirely based on their own merit and effort#the inspiration that comes from LoF that ends up with amazing fan art and clothes and all that#it really exhibits the inherit love for fanfiction and fan content yknow#:)#and things like this are so cool too!!#insane to think that people have something i wrote on their bookshelves#and even more insane to think that one day it might be an original work of mine#erinwantstowrite#ao3#ao3 fanfic#leap of faith ao3#thank you for the ask!
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thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3
#its thursday quest#god i'm so anxious about it autism style. so many uncertainties that i simply cannot account for alone. but i'm being sooo 'brave' about it#(keeping it to myself. except for posting about it)#taxi company hasn't texted me the drivers' details yet and i emailed them to be like ummmm your policy is to pay before the day#would you like to email me the payment details so i can do that? and they were like 'we'll send the driver details soon' ummmm#there isn't much soon left!!!!!!! it's happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they're probably just not Organised™ in the way i prefer to be. which is objectively fine it's just challenging for me personally.#i do not think it's Bad but!!!!! i've never taken a taxi before <- guy who Is Scared Of Taxis Specifically but has to face#their fears because they're disabled and have no other choice.#worst case i am down the money and no-one arrives to take me home i guess :P but it'll be afternoon AND my family are there so#in theory i could just get a lift home even though that would mess up other people's plans sooooo bad. UNLESS they have already drunk uhhhh#in which case i guess i'd just ask for help calling a taxi to the place. plany of people who can do such things easily (unlike me)#it'll be fine!!! i can ask my siblings if need be bc they are so niceys and will not get mad at me for being autistic o7#My other worry is being too hot and being in a rush getting ready bc i have to eat a proper meal due to the symptoms syndromes#and we are leaving when my lunch usually is so that's a whole thing. which ALSO doesn't matter and I can do! it's just hard!#where is that post that's like 'managed mental illness can look like absence of mental illness 😅'. NOT saying being autistic is mental#illness i am saying that the specific extreme anxiety i have is for me linked to autistic issues with 'the unknown' and boy. does this#social situation also have a lot of unknown.#BUT I CAN DO IT! and dare i say even have a nice time!!!!! it's just i get so so scared beforehand but i will not express it in a way that#impacts or inconveniences anyone else!!! i can handle it by myself at my house and it'll be fine
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Sorry ur dads a loser asshole :(
Parents treat your children with human decency challenge.
Fucking literally. He makes it hard to love him. He wonders why I don't like hanging out with him alone but he can flip so fucking quickly from being okay to be an ass so I never know what to fucking expect from him
My mom literally told me he was in a good mood today but nope. That must have been short lived, and when he's in a bad mood he makes it everyone's problem 🙄
#king answers#cuz like#OBVIOUSLY he's allowed to be in a bad mood#it happens to everyone. people have feelings and yadda yadda#but it's the fact that he CAN'T BE FUCKING NICE TO PEOPLE#he's always an ass to everyone (in the family) when he's in a pissy mood#and I can't fucking deal with it#not to mention even when he's in a ''good'' mood he can still get angry and scream and swear and then be back to ''normal''#and then he also has a fucking habit of ''borrowing'' money#y'know. ''borrowing'' as in taking without asking and then saying he'll pay it back later#which he DOES but it's still the fucking lack of respect of GOING THROUGH MY SHIT AND TAKING MY DAMN MONEY#god I could fucking rant about my dad all day#I really REALLY want to love him cuz he's not an asshole all the time#but it's just so fucking hard to#if I could get the fuck away from him then I don't know how often I would keep contact if I'm being honest#but whatever#hey if you got this far in my tags then we got two kittens today#so today is supposed to be a good day#but nah he likes being an asshole#and then pretending it never happened
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applied for a job a while ago and wrote in my spreadsheet "i am not fucking getting this job" not because of the qualifications but because my application was honestly just not that good. today the lady called me and scheduled an interview. Ok
#mine#i dont knowwwww though#urgh...#its in the city where i went to college so i know its a nice place thats familiar to me#but its also pretty hcol and the job itself is like...idk about the pay#the content of the job is good though like its basically exactly what ive been wanting to do#but then i keep coming back to my hysto...i really want that too#it sucks its like a rock and a hard place you know#i dont want to keep delaying this surgery i want my shit gone NOW#but at the same time i dont want to keep delaying my ~career~#and then i think well theres more jobs in the world...but then i think about how few ive applied to since graduating#and how long it might take me to find one after surgery#and if ill even want to or not cause this country is getting old#i want a job...but i also want my hysto...#i dont want to like get a job and then go do it and then be stuck for ages waiting for PTO and bennies to kick in and to find someone who#can take care of me when i can instead do it now like i already have a letter from my therapist and consultations upcoming#but also i need money and i dont wanna fuck up my early ~career~ days#I DONT KNOW#its a lot#i just wish id done the damn surgery sooner but i couldnt in 2023 cause i was working that summer#and this year i naively thought that i would be able to get a job relatively fast and just get hysto next year after working for a while#WHATEVERRRRRR#the interview isnt for another week and a half so ill talk to my therapist and see what she thinks#if i need to cancel the thing i can if not then i wont#ughhhh
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basically threw away £20 on my nails today so was already getting weird bc i apparently cannot be normal about money and then my paycheck came through just for my manager to have knocked off 11 hours worth of pay. so naturally i am crying in a dark room about it
#this is such a girl moment wdym you’re crying about your fucking nails. couldn’t explain it to you if i tried#im just an utter FREAK about money and then for my payslip to get fucked as well. whyyyyy would you do that#im not built for the working world truly idk how sensitive people do it bc i am NOT im tough as shit 99% of the time and i STILL can’t deal#just give me my fucking money it’s not fair 😭😭😭 i worked hard 😭😭😭#and the dumbest brattiest part of this is that the thing that tipped me over the edge is that my mum didn’t offer to pay for my nails#like how ridiculous and spoiled is that but still i was so so angry at myself about fucking them up and it’s £25 to get them done tomorrow#and I’ve worked so hard for her this summer and both days I’ve been in town I’ve got her things#like nothing spenny but I’ve just thought of her and got her things I know she’d like just to be nice#and £25 is NOTHING TO HER AND SHE DIDNT EVEN OFFER 😭😭 she even joked it off#she was like ‘your dad would offer to pay if he was here but I believe in lessons’ GIRL FUCK YOUR LESSONS I WANT MY NAILS DONE 😭😭😭#why am i actually in tears over this. this is so silly. now all my money is fucked and im going to be the skint one when we go to dublin#AS USUAL. even though i worked hard and clocked the hours it still got fucked bc im fucking. cursed#im aware im being dramatic and this isn’t even about the amount of money i have atm i promise this isn’t some desperate bankruptcy claim#like for once im actually fine money wise it’s just all been FUCKED and my dates are now FUCKED bc i have to wait for next paycheck now#and it’s so unfair bc usually things go wrong for me bc im DUMB and mess it up LIKE MY NAIL APPOINTMENT#but for work and dublin i literally planned it perfectly and did the hours and it still didn’t work#like what is WRONG with me. i hate being an adult i need a sugar daddy ive had enough#the message I sent my manager…. scathing…. ik his scared of confrontation ass is panicking. give me my fucking MONEY#hella goes home
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I've been thinking,... abt taking commissions (not right now or even tomorrow but close future regardless once I sort all the important stuff out) as I am unfortunately now a legal adult and should be making money of my own (ough...)
just general question if anyone would actually be willing to throw a few bucks my way in return for my creations (alongside the way more pressing world matters of course)
#adult life scary...#i have to get at least a part time job soon too#theres still so much stuff I dont know but ig ill never learn if I never even try yea#yes yes this means actually setting a schedule and taking my art mostly seriously#aaah the one thing Im the most scared of in this regard is that I just. don't. wanna draw when its demanded or even nicely asked of me?#like idk my brain just presses a hard stop on me for no reason#im hoping that the incentive of money would be enough to actually let me do my thing#fuck this also means drawing more than just one guy.....
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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Okay okay so. Thinking.
I've mapped out how I want to pay off my credit cards, which means I'll only be getting new stuff pretty sporadically, which means I need to appreciate the zero cost things in my life, like:
- the 2.5 foot tall stack of unread books I have
- the violin I might finally actually pick up again
- the 500+ drawing prompts I've been hoarding
- the list of anime I still need to watch
- the 3000+ songs in my watch later playlist
- the stickers I've been neglecting to cut
- yarn??? I have a lot of yarn
- all the pink fabric leftover from moth cosplay
- the candles and incense I also already have
In short, time to actually use the stuff that I have 😭
#though. i do want one more candle. they're putting minty smells in the winter ones and it smells cold#i need a cold smelling candle that is warm and on fire i just need that very strange contrast#but yeah!! will spend a little testing out acrylic charms but for the most part#we're gonna hang out at home for a while and express gratitude or whatever lmao#okay but i think it will actually be nice to start getting through all those books skjfkdkd#and to watch the bigger name anime to actually see them lmao; saw a lot at the con i recognized but hadn't actually watched#and also my music!! all my music bc i am clinically insane about music; miku playlist advancement...#this isn't even touching on the games i have now ksjfkf if either of you are reading this 👀 i still wanna get yall something#and I'm planning the exact day i wanna do it 😤#but yeah I'm thinking it over and am like. oh boy time for self improvement skjdkfkf#also finances will get easier bc im not ubering all over and I'm not seeing docs for my stomach now that the ulcer has been resolved#i made back half of what i spent getting the car in only 4 months and that feels good to see#it's still gonna be some hard work but we're gonna make it; I'm also highballing one of the cards#the hotel put a damages hold on my card and my math factors that in; they said that money would go back to me in 5 or so#business days so that'll be a little less to be concerned with; I'll still try to pay what numbers i found though#do it faster and do it better and idk what the fuck I'll do with the cards bc. 30% apr...........#idk i could get groceries with them and then pay them off? take that credit score you'll just eat that shit up won't you..#surprisingly my credit score hasn't taken any super ugly hits from this and i aim to keep it that way lmao#anyways. that's a lot of words to say that i want to actually use my stuff lmao#shai speaks
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its also like . ok sry im going on bc im tired and ive upset myself lol but its like. to have somebody who knows i grew up in poverty call me greedy and selfish bc he pressured me into moving up here when i didnt have the money so i Had to rely on him financially. and then i couldnt pay him back while i was literally unemployed. to have him call me greedy and selfish and entitled and lazy was. insanely upsetting
#like he knew that a lot of the money i earned went directly to paying my families bills and literally feeding them and he still. said that#to me. and then when i got upset he spun it as me being irrational and playing the victim and always guilttripping him like. idk. idk.#i try rly hard not to think abt that bc it just makes me feel horrific but like. i was already so insanely paranoid about spending money#any Non essential purchase made me spiral and then that just made it. so much worse . i told him from the start i didnt have much money and#he said it was fine and i told him from the start id pay him back as quickly as i could and he said it was fine and then he just#he completely ghosted me he never talked to me he slept downstairs and he spent more time with one of our roommates than he did me#and now i. know why he did that lol#but whatever. but he iced me out and the only time he ever talked to me was to tell me i was being greedy for not paying him back#or if i literally fuckjng. begged him to do skmething with me#and then hed spend like 1 hour completely checked out but technically sitting in the same room as me and i just. idk. that relationship#genuinely like. fucked me up. and now i reakize it wasnt Just since i moved here and a lot of the like. stripping me of.my identity and#pressuring me into doing. certain things when i wasnt comfortable with them and guilttripping me if i did try to stand up for myself. now i#realize that had been going on nearly since the start but it fucking. rly hurts. basically#and to top it all of he knew i struggle with very severe depression and i have since i was a kid and he knew i specifically struggle a lot#with hygiene and he knew how gross that makes me feel. and he still called me disgusting for it. and in every argument he had he would#hold the fact i owed him money over my head and i judt. i dont know what i was supposed to do. and i realize now there was jothing bc he#was already. yk. and probably had been for a while but it just. rly fucking sucks basically.#like even now a few months out i get genuinely nauseous when i buy something that isnt Absolutely essential.#and i try to force myself to buy like. a small nice thing for myself every once in a while i buy 1 coffee and 1 breakfast food every week#on saturday to try n like. make sure i know its ok 4 me to do that and it doesnt make me selfish but like. it still makes me feel sick
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vent iii.
#yeah i could just make a 'read more' post but tags are better for me#more hiding#anyway#i have this problem where my sister is probably moving out next year but she can't rly do that without me bc her dog has issues#and i would have to take him out and feed all the animals while she's at work during the day bc nobody else can#but even with that being taken into account she would still charge me over double what i'm paying now for rent and i cannot afford that#and she says i'd have to get a job too but excuse me how am i supposed to work when i also have to be home to look after your animals??#barn job would be nice bc short hours but it also wouldn't be enough to pay what she'd charge me#so i'm screwed there#anyway i WISH i could make enough money to live on my own but i CAN'T#ik i probably sound very lazy and spoiled and i get that i am definitely priviliged to get to live at home for cheap rent#but it also fucks with my mental health so bad living here. and i want to live on my own but it's just not an option rn#i have dreams and they're such basic sad dreams that i still don't think i'll ever accomplish#like i want to live in my own small travel trailer. that's all. my own space. or a tiny falling apart cabin that i can fix up#that's all i want and it seems impossible for me#i'm not built to live in this world. my body and mind cannot take it. i have tried. i've tried so hard#honestly if i had to work full time again i don't think i'd actually be able to stay alive to benefit from it. it would burn me out too bad#there's no win for me#i'm still trying to figure something out but i'm honestly not hopefull at all
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.
#you know it sucks that the one thing that I could make money off of; that I repeatedly have people say#'wow; that's so good; you could make money off that'#is something that these days is just... fucking hard as fuck to monetize#hard to explain without going into details; and if you knew you'd see why I'm not going into details#but like... I've probably legit had... minimum 5 people; but probably more like 20 say that I could make money off this#and it's like you're right... I have a niche and I know what I'm doing with it... but... there's... nowhere to host it#the people who the niche is going to appeal to (and it is super niche) that I've reached out to tend to love it... just what they want#and yeah... I probably could make money off it; and... I might even be able to make a living... and I wouldn't mind doing that#just bang some stuff out when inspired; add it... done#but... unless I make my own site I don't really see how I can host stuff anywhere else#the modern internet landscape just... you do specific stuff in a narrow box; or you ain't gonna be playing ball#and so if I host my own site... fuckin... then there's... getting stuff out to the world... and I suck at fucking marketing#and... there's the fact I'm all for criticism; but a lot of people are just nasty#I just kinda... I got stuff I do well enough multiple people have said I should make money off it#but... I'll probably never be able to make money off it#and it sucks... cause man could I fucking use some money; a source of income... and... I don't know#...I don't know that I'd say it adds value to the world; but the same time the people who want that niche clamor for it#I don't know... you probably don't need to know what the fuck I'm talking about; you probably don't want to know#like there's a reason I'm not just coming outright and saying things#it's not like I'm walter white being like 'how sad; the world isn't ready for my meth'... that would be funnier honestly#nah... nothing illegal or shit; just not advertiser friendly let's say#and... and so I don't feel like sharing it here; I'd like to share it in it's own private well marked space where it's like#'you like this niche shit; come on it; you don't have a nice day not stopping by'... but there's nowhere to set that kinda thing up#...I'll show my hand a tiny bit and say this; Ao3 might be a very good fit if only there were fan characters#not sure you can publish just your own works there; but that would be the kinda platform I wanted#...to be sitting on something you're told you could make money on all the time... just sucks... sucks not having a way to make money off it#and the fact it would be a classic money for goods and services kinda thing; not people taking pity on me#why did the one thing I have to offer have to be something like this; you know?#like I tap into something a lot of people don't seem to get; in this situation people don't want a masterpiece#they want something that quickly sets a scene; they want a vignette and that's it
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#I love my bestie and trust that he’s telling me the truth about a family emergency being the reason he’s cancelling our concert plans#but he flakes on me every single time we make plans together to do anything so it’s hard to be as understanding when there’s a pattern here#and after all the shit he’s told me his brother has done to him why are you still helping him?? I can’t relate to this whole idea of do#anything for family even if your family is trash and would never do the same for you#probably because I have family who is trash and would never do anything for me and I cut them off real quick when I was able#I do not believe in letting people stick around who do nothing but use you and hurt you#so I want to be sympathetic and understanding but couldn’t be me and can’t relate so I’m struggling#plus the constant flaking on me makes me less compassionate as well#I bought these concert tickets months in advance and he was supposed to pay for the hotel room for us to stay out after the show#and yeah he’ll pay me back which is nice but doesn’t really change the fact that I’m currently out that money and everything else#and if my partner or stepdad can’t come with me last minute like this then I’ll have to just sell the tickets back to Ticketmaster#because I really don’t want to go by myself since it’s my first concert and I’d feel awkward and uncomfortable being alone there#was already having trouble sleeping and now I got this fucking nonsense to deal with#guess it’s my own fault for making plans with someone I know never keeps them#personal
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